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damn the man by
tvzero
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When the cop asked me to step out of the car I had various images flashing through my head, not the least of which was me in an orange jump suit standing in a holding cell with a full bladder and a twitchy cell mate that makes my butt pucker. |
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one breath every 5 seconds for 1 minute - check pulse - continue rescue breathing by
ienjoycorks
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I knew it would be tough to learn CPR with the entire class breathing down my neck, but the CPR dummies were broken and I lost the coin toss fair and square. |
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this is what democracy looks like by
spanklin
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She's a sweet kid. Took it in the jaw like a champ. |
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- by
bubaloo
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Pawns in a much larger game than any of them could have ever known. |
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When I Think ABout Me, I Touch Myself by
fadein
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I felt the familiar, not always unwelcome 'nudge nudge,' and I knew what it meant. |
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Dealing with a five year old and attempting to use logic. by
perceptionss
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Still, he wanted to take a photograph of me. I told him, "I don't show up on film." |
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One More Time by
bubaloo
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Go ahead and leave me Bleeding See how much more I can take
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Nothing to write about. by
porktornado
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“Did I just hear you say that the homeless should be euthanized?”
“Well, yeah, but that’s not how I meant it. Euthanasia denotes a humane method of death. I’m pretty much for whatever’s cheapest.”
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tell it like it is by
lexxee
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I will still check out hot chicks, look at nudy pics, download Japanese porn and pleasure myself with well-practiced masturbatory techniques. |
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porn again, christian by
tvzero
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They got trickier about hiding their porn at that point. |
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They're coming to take me away haha! by
gutterpoet
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I was trying to respond with a classic turn of phrase. Yet what poured out of my mouth was "Yeah my ass is the devils'playground."
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an internet error ate my fucking entry by
rokazu
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Oh, Yeah, And I feel good these days, like I was emotionally constipated and I finally took a huge emotional shit and my bowels are free again. |
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Me and Angelina by
gutterpoet
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If you are looking for a casual dating experience that is more fun and exciting than anything you've ever experienced, then date the insane. |
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Fun with patios by
edgarfrog
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I'll be like the neighbor on Home Improvement. Except I'll be masturbating. |
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Gag me with a spoon by
edgarfrog
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67 times is a lot of stabs! |
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Mis Niños Locos by
edgarfrog
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"Kid, you crack me up with your goofy language." |
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halloween by
gerg69
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Drunk people can be so stupid.
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Hubert Part 2 by
gerg69
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"Up yours bitch" he murmered, "Im gonna pick me up another ho tonight and wont you be sorry." |
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another naughty thought by
spanklin
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I'm driven mad at the thought of what she tastes like. |
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prepare the arsenal by
spanklin
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he spoils my mental peace with one of his parroting repetitive sayings that were neither interesting, clever nor funny to begin with |
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poppin fresh by
spanklin
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Dear diary, yesterday a boy named spanky parked his dick in my ass, gosh did that sting. |
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I Told Them All I Killed A Bear by
fadein
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In an attempt at levity, I silently pointed to my crotch. She then told me I could expect no blowjobs from her, not even for Christmas.
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possessor of callous by
spanklin
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If I had started lantern sparkin by eight years old it would have been fucking hilarious. |
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Women's Lib!! by
edgarfrog
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The monthy Menstrual cycle.....She was probably sitting there and sneezed, and when that happened a huge clot of sticky blood shot out of the center cavity of her vagina |
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that is ok. by
satellitebob
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i dont think i am at a financial place in my life where i can pay 10$ to see who is calling me. i must live with this life of suprise. |
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Quality Time with Decorative Fetuses by
edgarfrog
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"The Easter Bunny is mean, daddy." |
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Dartz by
sturge
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But even I thought that dropping trou' in the middle of a semi-crowded bar and throwing a dart into my own ass cheek might be borderline inappropriate. |
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