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Abusive relationship, significant heath event, not feeling safe in your home, and the entire world feeling unsafe and different due to an invisible threat.... that's a lot of trauma. A lot. I don't think it's dramatic whatsoever; in fact, I think there will need to be significant processing and healing in order to move forward. *hug*

from swordfern :

Sending love.

from thruthecrowd :

Thank you...I really appreciate everything you said in your note. <3

from whaleart :

Your template blows me away!!! Wowwwies!

from swordfern :

Your note. Means SO MUCH to me. This is a confusing time for me, and reassurance from you, that you've been in something parallel and understand what it's like to be on the receiving end of this kind of treatment, helps bring me clarity. The part that you wrote about 'now owing anyone you feelings' shot straight into my heart/gut, and I am sending you a resounding THANK YOU. I needed to hear that, and it's helped me release some shame. I'm sad that my story brought up hurt for you, and I hope that you can fully heal in time. Sending love.

from swordfern :

I regret not following your diary a long time ago. I read back a pile of entries and so much of what you wrote resonated with me. The idea of someone packing my lunch makes me ache inside. I'm glad that you have that after the pain of your previous relationship. All the best to you. And thank you for your supportive note.

from misfitstray :

What do you do for a living?

from misfitstray :

Bought the movie "King Arthur" last week after rent-watching it some time ago on amazon-Prime. It is a great movie, especially Charlie Hunnam, and I like the music as well, but not well enough to buy it too.

from misfitstray :

I like metal too. My favorite band at the moment is Parkway Drive and Annisokay. You couldn't move somewhere else, far far away, to feel more save?

from thruthecrowd :

I'm here...still reading when you post. I am sorry to hear about the heart failure and the relationship. I hope this year is much kinder to you.

from misfitstray :

If you haven't a degree on psychology or any other degree in this section you should leave him. It's hard and harsh, but you can't help and the one suffering is only you.

from thruthecrowd :

BPD is hard to handle. I have known many with BPD, and I have always had to end knowing them due to the stress and not feeling strong enough to cope with their behaviors. I'm sorry you're dealing with so much. <3

from thruthecrowd :

<3!! Thank you!

from thruthecrowd :

Thank you, and yes, heh. I actually was super excited to get my AA diploma and certificates and then when i received they are these dinky little 5x7" pieces of paper...with writing to small to read and are too small to even fit in a normal diploma frame. Their sizes, ironically, is what made me realize how silly this game is. I think i'm more afraid of being stuck in my house for longer than 1 more year, because I'm going stir-crazy. School so far has been only safe out. But overall I agree and appreciate the reminder! :) <3

from thruthecrowd :

<3! exciting! best wishes on the new adventure!

from vinternatt :

Hello and thanx for your note! Yeah, it is not really difficult to guess that I do like black metal related things - not only music, but a few other things too. And, your words - about that you can relate to what I write - give a kind of ease when it comes to separation anxiety :}

from jaysthoughts :

Exercise and eating real food can GREATLY reduce your underlying feeling of anxiousness and general something-wrong-ness.

from raven72d :

Yes--- your stories are good. As a stranger who does drop by--- I'll say that. Enjoy Portland. And History isn't that bad.

from atwowaydream :

People do care. I don't even really know you, and I care about your stories.

from thruthecrowd :

aye, I have cried over being left out of photos and goodbyes. I definitely empathize with feeling sadness over the things you mentioned. I care too much about people and i am always saddened when someone can simply disconnect from my life and move on...Having said this, I never expressed to you how proud I felt of you that you accomplished your educational goal, or at least part of it. It made me feel happy that day, that I could celebrate in my small way of smiling at that. Life is full of struggles, and people not expressing how they feel, and sometimes it's intentional, but sometimes it isn't. Sometimes people just don't realize how they much what they do or say or feel affects us. <3

from thruthecrowd :

Thinking of you and hoping everything is going okay. Either way I still care and hope things get better soon! <3

from degausser :

Haha I need a cumulative C average to graduate, and luckily I can still accomplish that with these two D's. ...not by much, but I can! Life in the 2.0's.

from degausser :

Thanks for the add! I just read a few of your school-related entries. I personally am hoping I can pull off two D's this semester, as they are the only thing standing between me and my Associate. I thought initially I was really going to put myself into these courses and go out with a bang, but, things got away from me as they tend to do, and here I am. Praying for D's. Which I think would make a fitting title for my autobiography. Good luck and thanks again!

from gonzoprophet :

hello vegas friend. the way i best and most quickly vanquish my terror is to realize that i too am a dangerous, terrifying creature. who would destroy the intention behind anyone or thing trying to do me wrong. i dunno if that might help you, we're different people. but i've felt a dragging, propagating fear before. and i've definitely felt exasperation with my own panic. goodluck with all your struggles!

from thruthecrowd :

I'm going through the same thing. :- Good luck with your paper!

from atwowaydream :

At the end of the day, there's always episodes of Frasier. As for school, pace yourself and there's really no timeline for success. . . it's okay to fall sometimes, especially with depression. It is a disease and it often doesn't place nice with reality, so the fact that you've made it this far says a lot about your character.

from cymbals :

hi. i just saw that you added me and then saw both your template and your profile and based solely on these things, i already think we'd be friends.

from movingsands :

I know the feeling. I once told my mother (jokingly because there was no other way to talk to my mother back then) that the idea of becoming a Trappist Nun was very appealing - silence and contemplation for the rest of my life. She laughed of course. But I was serious. There is something about not talking (perhaps not interacting) that feels like comfort on some days...

from thruthecrowd :

Thank you for your post. Holidays have always been really hard for me due to the same reasons you stated. Most people i know dont understand

from moonsocket :

don't think i could ever start this up again. another time, another place, another me.....i am writing again though (i could't stop if i wanted to) @ foreveragain. come find me. xx

from flowermouth :

I really get what you say about knowing you have readers and the way it makes your writing change. I've wrestled with the same feeling. I hope you figure out a good way to resist the temptation and, if you do, I hope you'll share it.

from wrappedinyou :

Glad you've been writing a lot more recently. I enjoy your writing and can relate to a lot of the feelings/ideas you explore.

from omfggwtf :

stumbled on here, i like it! (:

from rhetoric :

i think that reducing it to genes and environment and removing conscious choice from the equation is (in my mind) a mistake. if you are how you are and do not wish to change, so be it. but to toss up your hands and say nothing can be done does not seem to be entirely accurate.

from pettyquarrel :

I don't like people, either. I feel like, if it weren't so painfully oxymoronic, or maybe paradoxical is the word I want, we could start an "I don't like people" AA-type group. "Hi my name is Sarah and I don't like people." It is okay. You're right.

from bibles :

that mix sounds great! I'm sure she'll love it!

from bibles :

I randomly stumbled onto your journal while surfing Diaryland. I love your posts! Hope you don't mind that I've added you!

from daath :

My appreciation for the add! I've been looking for new journals to read for awhile, so I look forward to reading your work.

from pettyquarrel :

I like your journal. It has special qualities. First entry reminds me of me, starting my new journal and setting out goals for myself. Goals I'd never accomplish. Because I negate myself. Not that um, you won't accomplish your goals. Ha ... the ... what is the word ... similarities stop there. With ... keeping a journal. Man, I hate "goals." As such. What the heck. What am I talking about. QUALITIES. Qualities I admire, and enjoy. I could wax ... never mind. Leaving a note. Ah, the art. Portrait is my favorite Joyce novel. "The Dead," favorite story. I say that because you have the Portrait quote. ... I have to stop this now goodbye.

from dholler :

thank you for renewing my faith in diary makers. i was starting to lose hope that there are diarylanders out there who actually take care of their diaries. yours is marvelous. best wishes.<3

from deriveazure :

Jesus sweetie, I hope you're alright and it's just facing mortality due to your impending birthday, not anything more serious.

from sugarbabylon :

<3 thank you so much!

from thruthecrowd :

lol...thanks for your note. :-)

from wrappedinyou :

Thanks!

from evilyoyo :

hey hey! thank you! i was so proud of myself! take care!

from goodluckgold :

Hey, I like your diary very much, it is very cool.

from in-alaska :

i'm glad to learn you exist because it turns out i like you a lot.

from mrbilly :

Hi, it's outwalking. Diaryland won't e-mail me my password so I now have a new username (rolls eyes). Sorry. :/

from evilyoyo :

hey! i love it too and that's why i'm in the field i am :). but sometimes... you've got to admit, it is nice to sit back and complain. and if i may ask, what field are you in? since you mentioned you do math/computers/science as well.

from bunnymama :

I'm not trying to force it on anyone. I'm simply saying that there is another option. I still think people should have the choice whether or not to terminate pregnancy, I just wouldn't kill my unborn child. And alot of people would agree. (Same for gay marriage. Well, kind of. If it's what you want, go for it. But I still think it should be between a man and a woman. But it is a free country and people should be able to do whatever they want.) I guess I just got kind of surprised at your comment. I wasn't expecting it. But it's okay. You have your opinions too! ^_^

from dogbones :

Want to draw attention to your diary? Check me out! I can help! If you don't then ignore this note and just think of it as a Kudos ;)

from moonsocket :

it seems unfair doesn't it? that we should have to change area codes, just to try to achieve some sort of balance? one day. eventually. it will all make sense......

from bombasine :

hi there. i like you!

from robot-army :

Thank you =] Your note was especially uplifting after I read the one above it. I appreciate your support, sug. xo

from outwalking :

I'm liking the new look. :)

from outwalking :

I'm sure you are qualified. Job adverts always try to be something they're not to encourage decent applicants and make their job seem interesting. I don't think you'll have anything to worry about, and besides, what have you got to lose? :)

from outwalking :

Music is the language of the soul, that's why it's important to so many people. xx

from outwalking :

I always have an open mind when it comes to hearing music I haven't heard before. I'd give anything a chance. I would never purchase a Whitney Houston album, but I can recognise the fact that she has a fantastic singing voice, and can completely understand why people are fans of her singing. You know?

from permeation :

what a wonderful compliment, thank you.

from outwalking :

Well yeah. The more I don't read SK, the less I like him. Does that make sense? I went through a phase of reading nothing but his books for years. Don't get me wrong, The Stand, It, Misery, Dark Tower etc. all have their merits, but for the supposed 'King of Horror', nothing happens that's even remotely scary. Richard Laymon, I've actually had to put the book down for a minute just to get my head around what I've just read! I can't sing his praises enough.

from outwalking :

To me, his girlfriend just seems polite?? But what would I know. Moving onto another subject, if you are indeed into blood and sex on every page trashy horror novels, make sure you read some Richard Laymon... but don't say I didn't warn you! I used to think Stephen K was the be all and end all of horror, but then I found Laymon. Compared to him, King sucks. Yeah I said it.

from outwalking :

Hmmm. Your books sound quite impressive and intellectual. I read trashy slashy horror novels. Blood and sex every turn of the page.

from onefinemess :

Thank you so much for your note. I know exactly how you feel, as well! I have really gotten into your entries and am glad you found me, I've added you and am looking forward to keeping up on you!

from outwalking :

You know, I've always wanted to open a template website too. Mainly to have 'guy' templates on it, as every time I tried to look for a new template, it was pink and girly. My HTML knowledge and design skills (i.e., stealing CSS code) seems to be on par with yours. I was going to just make a bunch of simple, imageless templates which weren't pink and which didn't feature pretentious song lyrics all over it in a script/handwriting font, and go from there. But then I just... couldn't be bothered. I may still do it though, it's always in the back of my mind.

from outwalking :

Hi, it's dannyzuko, thanks for the comment. This is my new username. =)

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