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messages to acidreams:
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from vacantlegend :
I know what you mean. I just never have the time anymore I guess to pour all my thoughts out. Maybe i'll try it again soon :D Please be sure to keep in touch anyways <3
from rezzette :
I'm glad to read that you can finally say you are happy!
from fitofdestiny :
Oh sweetie. *hugs*
from angel-scar :
I hope that you're ok. I just read your diary. Everything will work out for the best. I promise! Keep in there hunny. Alyssa
from fitofdestiny :
*big hug*
from fitofdestiny :
Take it slow. See if he continues to seem to wish to be with you. Allow your mind time to decide. There's no rush. Pursue your dreams and see if he can fit into them. See if he wants to. *hugs*
from fitofdestiny :
*hugs*
from fitofdestiny :
We need to find you a good doctor or salesman or something... lol. Okay, sorry, that wasn't that funny. *hugs* Hope you're okay darling.
from fitofdestiny :
I understand how you feel. *hugs*
from fitofdestiny :
Guys backstab their friends all the time to get at girls... It's sickening, but true. Well darling, I hope everything works out. *hugs*
from chilindrina :
I sent you the password, I hope everything is okay :)
from chilindrina :
you know, guys can get to be such cowards sometimes. You said it, it's HIS loss, and to me it seems like your gain... becaue you're better off without him (who would want to be with someone who can't even tell the truth?)
from fitofdestiny :
I'm assuming you know that friend was most definitely telling the truth. Then, you're right, it is his loss. He should have just told you. I can't believe guys can be such whimps... *hugs*
from fitofdestiny :
Oh god hon... I'm here to talk to if you need it. *big hug*
from fitofdestiny :
Oh thank you soooo much sweetheart, for the offer. You have NO IDEA how much that means to me. You might, however, wish to block my screen name on AOL, or else I might just take you up on it and yack your ear off with my pointless problems...
from fitofdestiny :
*big hug* Try to remember those special moments and hold them in your heart so time stops... I know its not that easy, but thats really all you can do, other then maybe try to keep busy. Oh darling... *hug*
from fitofdestiny :
Oh sweetie I wish I could bring him home to you. *hugs*
from fitofdestiny :
Oh darling... *big hug* You're so beautiful.
from fitofdestiny :
*hugs* You never can truly get away from the self destructive behavior, but you can accept it as part of you and move beyond it. I hope one day you can.... As far of the dreaming... You can direct your dreams. Trying thinking of what you wish to dream about while you are trying to fall asleep. If you wish to dream about him, try not to be worrying or wondering, but think instead of the good times, and the dreams should be good happy ones. *big hug* I wish there was something I could do hon, but I'm always here if you want to talk. All my contact info (sns, email) is in my diary. Feel free to contact me.
from fitofdestiny :
*big hug* Oh darling. I wish I could take away your pain. I wish I could bring him home to you. I wish I could do anything to help... I think its times like these when we must live life day to day and spend time in our dream world where there is not but good memories and time never truly passes, so those we love never grow farther away than the edges of our mind....
from chilindrina :
hey, I read it :) I'm sorry about your child, I can't tell you I know how you feel, but I understand.
from fitofdestiny :
Well... I'm reading it, even though I don't think I'm the 'you' you were referring too....
from fitofdestiny :
I wish I was there, hugging you right now...
from fitofdestiny :
Hon, I know you can avoid cheating. I have faith in you. You don't have to become your mother. You don't have to become what people think you will. You have the power here. *hugs*
from fitofdestiny :
I'm sure you'll get something soon hon. *hugs* Just hang in there... I'm here if you need to talk.
from fitofdestiny :
I'm glad you are being so opptimistic. *hugs* I'm sure that is just the insecurity talking.
from fitofdestiny :
Good for you. Guess you are waiting for him then? :D Hope everythings going okay hon!
from fitofdestiny :
What did he say...?
from fitofdestiny :
*hugs* Maybe you are truly in love....
from xconfessed :
yess. and so, i am adding you. hope you don't mind.
from xconfessed :
hey. wanted to let you know that i like your journal... kind of reminds me of mine.
from fitofdestiny :
*big hug* That's possible... talk to him if you can. See which it is. I hope everything works out hon. If he's worth it, he will be there when you need him (when you call to him).
from mylostangel :
i'm sorry, i cant write on DLand anymore, i'm on LiveJournal now <3<3<3 there are too many memories here that i cant deal with
from fitofdestiny :
You are something to me. *hugs* And I will always care.
from fitofdestiny :
If you realize you are indeed in love, trust me, you will be able to make that commitment. It is a lot and it is scary, but you have that in you to deal with all the pressures for something as important as love. As for the smoking thing, good for you. Have you tried chewing gum when you want to smoke or pretending to smoke a candy cigarette (yeah you look funny, but the motions sometimes help and hey, they are yummy...). *hugs* Good luck with everything!
from fitofdestiny :
Yeah I need sleep too... As far as the purpose, why don't you try volunteer work or something? *hugs*
from fitofdestiny :
You don't lack the strength you lack the motivation. And perhaps you can't be happy because you feel like something is missing in your life. I hope you can find and grasp that motivation that can forever change your life. *hugs*
from fitofdestiny :
You are love. You are strong enough. You will survive, because you have a lot to give and I know you are strong. Scared, but strong. *hugs* I'm always here if you need to talk.
from fitofdestiny :
As long as you haven't done anything you will regret while drunk, it's all good.
from manumission :
I know a little something about this, but from the other end of your equation. First, is he worth it? Second, does he think you are worth it? And if you both want to be "together" then you have to talk often and know that love is always worth the trials. It sounds so easy, but it's one of the hardest things anyone can do. I wish you the best of luck.
from fitofdestiny :
I know its hard hon, but I know you can find the strength. Whenever you are tempted, try to picture yourself in his shoes with him being unfaithful. That might help you... *hugs* Hope everything works out!
from fitofdestiny :
You know you are in love when you can say whatever you are thinking/feeling to him and you know he will still be there. You know you are in love when you want to know everything about him. You know you are in love when you look around and realize there is no one better. *hugs* I don't know how to get through him being away. I'm in a long distance relationship, but I get to see him at least once every two weeks. I suppose communication is really the key. You need to talk/write/email whatever as much as possible and actually TALK. Hope everything works out hon!
from fitofdestiny :
I think its possible to find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with at 18. I think I've found him... but anyway, I'm sorry about Joseph leaving hon. *hugs*. I suppose its not wrong to want your ex to pay for what he did, but try to remember that he might just want to say sorry. Sending my love hon, Destiny
from fitofdestiny :
The purpose is to wait until you can once again wake up next to him. *hugs* You don't have to become that love. You won't, because you want more. You will have more. You deserve more. *big hug*
from fitofdestiny :
I know the feeling sweetie, but thats what these are for right? To at least be able to get some of it out? I'd rather be able to talk to my friends but still... It's almost like we make our own little friend commmunity on here to help each other. At least, thats what I think... *hugs*
from fitofdestiny :
So very true. And that seriously sucks. lol.
from chaostheory- :
i.m glad it has that effect on you. thankyou.
from fitofdestiny :
*hugs*
from fitofdestiny :
I know the feeling, but you ARE still young... *hugs* Hope you feel better hon!
from fitofdestiny :
You are something to me... even though I know that doesn't mean much, still...
from fitofdestiny :
Hope isn't gone... you will find the words again. I'm sure of it.
from fitofdestiny :
Well why don't you call him. Whats the worst that could happen? *hugs*
from manumission :
The grave consequence of regret is scarcely reserved for the actions we take and more often for those actions which we have not done. If I were you, I would call him. I would put anything and everything on the line...because rejection is a softer blow than a lifetime of want and wonder. I'd rather fail at love than to never know it.
from fitofdestiny :
I probably should tell you not to go looking for him. That it could potentially hurt you if you were to see him and that there's no point in trying to hurt him like that because you really won't get any joy out of it in the end even if it does work.... But then again, I'm not going to do what I should. Mainly because I would totally want him to see me looking happy healthy and confident. Then be like 'yeah, take that. I survived, no thanks to you'. So yeah... *hugs*. lol. And that was a completely pointless note...
from manumission :
If we don't have want or need, what is the point? All that has ever been achieved has been done because of a want or a need. It's okay to be needy, it will lead you to great things if you let it.
from manumission :
I am terrified of being alone. But if I can not endure myself, then what is the point of being with another? And the more time I spend alone...the more I realize that I am all I've really got in the end. And it's more comforting than paralyzing. It's not so bad.
from manumission :
It's the choking night in its lethal loneliness. It's the unbearable desire for what must be impossible. I know it well, for it is the hot water I try to cup in my hands, and if I can hold it long enough for the burning to fade, I realize that my hands have slowly drained, and all I'm left with is blisters. It hurts, I'm sure. But there are so many great things in this world well worth your attention. Your affection. Much more so than a boy that cannont appreciate you.
from rezzette :
Thanks babe, and you deserve something better than you have. I hope everything starts going better...
from fitofdestiny :
You exist to me lovely... *hugs* Don't forget to dream. They are what can get you through the worst of times.
from fitofdestiny :
*hugs* Everything happens for a reason... or so I like to tell myself. Anyway, you're awesome sweetie. You deserve the best.
from fitofdestiny :
I don't know... I think I finally found a good one *crosses fingers*. So they do exist. You just got to look really hard. *sighs*.
from cyanideeyes :
Whattup. If you could be so kind as to send me an e-mail, I would appreciate it. I'm locking up and we know how you hate it when I don't warn you first. In the e-mail, let me know what username/pass you want. You should feel special, I haven't let anyone else know...and probably won't. Love ya. I hope all is going well. Don't be such a stranger.
from vacantlegend :
My myspace is www.myspace.com/fiendbynite ...
from vacantlegend :
Iv been having those same thoughts... why cant i be happy? even when i am happy im not happy. read this magazine that had a testimonial "i had everything i ever wanted, but i was happy and i didnt know why. then Jesus came into my life....." maybe i should go to church or something... i always feel weird tho, out of place. we havnt talked in while, you and I. im on myspace now...
from cyanideeyes :
I'm telling you from personal experience: drinking it away would never solve anything. You have to deal with it eventually, all drinking does is delay it. He'll have to deal with it eventually. You're stronger than you think you are for just taking this head-on. Ya know, I draw inspiration to continue from you sometimes. And that's straight up truth.
from cyanideeyes :
Honestly: I suggest you stay away from the male gender for a while. Maybe that's just me though.
from cyanideeyes :
No, you haven't told me that lately...except for in the note! What did I do to warrant a "thank you?" I'm confuzzled.
from cyanideeyes :
Honestly? In cases like that there's only two ways to bring someone back from "that" place: you can either wait for them to see what it is that they're doing or throw it in their faces and hope they're listening. Unfortunately, both options have a high probability of getting ugly. If you need any help whatsoever, let me know. I have never had a problem helping you with anything. Glad to hear the boy thing is going well though. I'm rootin' for ya!!!
from cruda :
i felt so identified with that last entry. sometimes is just so hard not to fall for someone who is just so nice to you even if you know you have to be apart.
from cyanideeyes :
Ummmmm, yeah. Unlockage.
from f-i-n :
lovely diary
from cyanideeyes :
It's only locked because I'm probably not going to be updating anymore. There really is no point anymore and I don't feel like doing a mass delete. However, if I actually update I'll unlock it...if you want me to set up a password for ya, lemme know.
from brit-laydee :
i love how honest you are about everything, I may try and be honest in my diary but at the end of they day there are things I omit just because I find them so hard to admit to. I really do admire you!
from cruda :
you seem a person i would hang with.
from cherry-girl :
I feel the exact same way about sex..
from rezzette :
Yeah girl...I practically never get on anymore but hopefully I'll update soon. Rezzette/summer. Love ya.
from chiiki :
Shows you're human in missing him a little bit. It broke my heart; reading the top of your post. It humbles me, to know someone who's suffered so much pain and is still holding strong. *huggles* -Chii
from cyanideeyes :
Yep, I sure did get it. Didja get the message I left on yer phone?
from fitofdestiny :
Okay, apparently they will let me open it :) Email me if you want my username and password!
from fitofdestiny :
Hey, I don't know if you remember me. My diary was found by my school, which is why I had to abandon it. Email me sometime if you want, I don't know if they will let me fully reopen my account :( fruitopia_3@hotmail.com. ~Destiny
from chiiki :
I find it a bit, effed up for him not to care about the loss of this life, however small it is, didn't he also want to try for custody of your child? Was that a whole big show of things, or what? Some people are, heartless, they've no appreciation for the things that are most precious, the small things that make life all the much better. Much love to you. -Chii *huggles*
from chiiki :
God... I'm very sorry to hear about what happened. It doesn't seem like you deserved it, at all... after all you had been through to protect the baby, to fight for yourself against Danny. The fact that your family is happy about the miscarriage isn't too heartwarming either, I don't know what help I can be, if any, for as inexperienced as I am, I don't want to see you hurt. *huggles tightly* Chin up, just a bit longer love, maybe things will look up for you. Lots of love, -Chii
from cyanideeyes :
Cy here. I have received your letter, thank you for the kind words. I called and left my # so if you need to talk: I don't care if it's 4am my time OR your time, go ahead and call. Be persistent. If I don't pick up and you REALLY need someone to talk to, keep hittin' it up.
from babyblu2 :
i'm so sorry about that. :( i hope you feel better, i can't even begin to imagine how that feels. but like you said, everything happens for a reason. ::hugs::
from chiiki :
Yea! I love your take-no-shit attitude! Show him whatfor! I mean, if he's not making an effort to being in your life, or at least helping you with this baby, then does he really think he'll get custody of the baby? -Chii
from cyanideeyes :
Nah, I'm not mad at ya at all: I'm just glad to finally hear from ya. Take yer time, write whenever you feel the urge. Take care of yourself hun.
from babyblu2 :
WOW! congrats!! we need to catch up on so many things. feel free to email me (sbern006@fiu.edu) whenever you want, i'm always online, but never on aim any more. i hope things work out well for you, that seems really awesome. :) ::hugs:: lemme know if theres anything i can do.
from chiiki :
Hi, I hope you don't mind if I add you as a buddy? Anywho. Danny sounds awful, I hate it. But you have to keep your chin up and face it as it comes. The same thing happened to my mom and my bastard father. She got pregnant and he refused to believe it was his. So he upped and left right then and there. But I think that you can be strong and lean on support from friends and family to help you through this right? *Hugglies* -Chii
from gyka :
hello.... lol, i just wanna say you have a kewl screen name. i wrote a poem called acidreams.... thats awesome!!
from rezzette :
I think it's one of those movies where it means different things to different people and every time you watch it changes its definition. I am thoroughly in love with it. And I hope your friend is alright...and it's not your fault in the least bit. Please don't blame yourself.
from babyblu2 :
wow. i hope justine is alright. and dont blame yourself, you cant say that you KNEW it was gonna happen or that YOU could have stopped her. the main thing is that she is still alive. and that you two are talking again, somewhat. and that boy needs to stay out of her life. she'd be much better without him. i hope she gets better. and i hope that you feel better as well. ::hugs::
from cherry-girl :
I never got your password and such. :/ Hm. My email is dontdocrystal@hotmail.com
from bliss-sad :
I just recently got the message that you locked your diary and I would love to keep reading, so if you would send me a way too, I'd love to catch up.
from gunsg0bang :
of course. what's yer email honey? x
from babyblu2 :
<3. I hope things work out for the best. God knows we both need someone to make us smile & it seems as though he does that for you. I hope everything turns out okay. ::hugs::
from gunsg0bang :
Hey, It's Erica. Remember me? Well I'm back at diaryland, and I was wondering if I could have the password? lykeomfgshutup@hotmail.com ♥ or aim: prettymess8
from silentletter :
password please?
from cherry-girl :
Ah, you locked it! I'm sad now. Can I get the password and such? <3
from cyanideeyes :
CyanideSaviorATgmailDOTcom
from cyanideeyes :
You haven't sent me the password...[sniff] Of course, I think I know why...because I just realized the old e-mail addy is gone...I wanted to send you the song I can't stop rambling about. Do you like heavier music?
from babyblu2 :
thank you sooo much for the password. i hope things work out alright, you deserve it. ::hugs::
from rezzette :
Bradleytbabe16@hotmail.com
from delicatehand :
this is cryinlilgirl. im logged into my other diary sorry
from delicatehand :
precious_angel_51090@msnn.com
from dream-worlds :
Yeah, please: obsessed_with_me@hotmail.co.uk
from mylostangel :
contagiousecho@yahoo.com
from babyblu2 :
of course i want the password! you can email it to me at sbern006@fiu.edu or you can IM me with it.
from acidreams :
Forgive me. Whats your email again? Are you online?
from cyanideeyes :
Hells yeah I want the pass n stuff. Thanks for the heads up.
from cyanideeyes :
My guess: he's scared of screwing things up. From the sounds of it, he doesn't wanna be the next asshole. Does he know about your past with guys? If so, if he really cares, that's why he's doing this.
from pain4beauty :
you're beautiful. i hope you take care of yourself as much as you can.
from rezzette :
Perhaps in the midst of all of this pain there is something beautiful that you can't see yet. Don't give up. You don't deserve any of this but there is a reason you're going through it.
from cyanideeyes :
Oops. Typo below. AIM is cyanidesicness.
from cyanideeyes :
Pardon me, and I hope you don't hate me for this: but all of that is crap. You have to be selfish in order to survive: but being selfish for gain that can be called greed isn't necessary. This is what I suggest: do what you gotta do to be happy, FUCK EVERYONE ELSE. All they're doing is making you feel like shit for doing what you need to do, or for being yourself. It's too bad we live so far away, we'd have the best times, and I'd never pull any of this shit I've seen people pull on you for the past year-and-a-half. Anyway, just find a focus and push aside anything that's distracting you or making this harder. I'm proud of you for pushing forward...part of what inspires me to keep this current attitude I have is you and an entry you made not too long ago, and if I can give some of that back you'd better believe I'm gonna hook it without hesitation. Messenger-wise, you can reach me through AIM (cyandiesicness), yahoo (symbolofperfection), or MSN (MetalJuggaloATmsnDOTcom, although I'm not on there that often). I'll even call, shit. I don't care. I'm also assuming that the second letter I sent out isn't working, which pisses me off...I'm gonna slit some throats at the post office. Anyway, sorry for the book I just typed, passion does that to ya. You should e-mail me your addy again, because I think I lost the paper again...I'm so pimp, watch me go.
from cyanideeyes :
Which s/n are you looking for?
from babyblu2 :
My mom worked in the psych ward and said they would have fun talking to this one guy who thoguht he had a racoon in his head. He was the most interesting person in there, she always told me. And then there was my great uncle who checked himself into the psych ward because he thoguht the fillings in his teeth were talking to him and picking up Japaneese radio stations. It was rather interesting. Seeing that my entire family is a little loony explains why I am the way I am. There is no hope for me. Lol.
from sorceress-47 :
my friend kat said the same thing. she also said that most of the people there only act crazy because of the medicine they are on. i think its all one big scam for the most part.
from cyanideeyes :
Slow the roll. I know a lot about guys, and he's either actually falling for you or pushing towards something. Slooooooow. That's the key word here, slow. I don't wanna see you get hurt again, 'cause then I'm gonna hafta go kick some ass, and I'm too broke to be hoppin' over there...but I'll do it.
from cyanideeyes :
Scars are always beautiful. Scars say more in a one minute lookover than most people say in their entire lives. There's always a story, a feeling, an emotion, a time and a place associated with those scars. Scars are never ugly, always beautiful. No matter who they're on.
from babyblu2 :
your scars are a part of you and you are beautiful. therefore, your scars are beautiful. and if someone doesnt believe that, you need to explain that its a part of your past, a part of who you are and used to be. i think my scars are beautiful, and anyone who tells me different doesnt see what they mean, how they make me feel. they are a constant memory, and id rather have a memory of things than to just forget.
from babyblu2 :
i hope you're doing ok, and i hope that things with justine get better. it sucks that shes being put into a situation where she thinks that is what she needs to do. :( but anyway, you wanted my livejournal, its www.livejournal.com/~blucrukoosh i write there almost every day. ::hugs::
from cyanideeyes :
Sounds like Justine needs to lay off the boys. Why is there always mad drama associated with her and guys, and why is it that you're always paying for it too?
from glittercunt- :
I was so happy to get a note from you. I haven't got a note from you in a long time. Password sent. <3
from cyanideeyes :
I have no idea where the quote came from...I vaguely remember seeing it somewhere in the hospital, but I don't remember if it was a magazine, whiteboard, sign, anything. I've been so medicated I dunno what the hell's going on half the time. Unfortunately, causing hurt to him was inevitable, unless you wanted to be miserable. He'll be alright, promise. You need to focus on YOU, and what YOU want. There's nothing wrong with being selfish as long as it doesn't involve malevolence. You have to be in order to survive, seriously. Did that letter ever show up? For some reason the Post Office around my neck of the woods is being stupid - my internet almost got shut off because they received the check 3 weeks after I sent it out...bastards...
from cyanideeyes :
"There are people in this world who are nothing short of perfect but settle for less, blinded by their quest for purpose." That quote so reminded me of us it's scary. I hate to sound mean, but screw Brian. Danny sounds like where it's at. Me loves ya too, GET ON AIM SOMETIME!!!
from prettymess- :
oh man, I was writing a note to everyone on my favorites, and I must have skipped right over you. Anyway, happy late valentine's day. <3
from cyanideeyes :
Happy Valentine's Day to you too!!! I'll only be yours if you'll be mine!!! [grin] Hope all is well, hun. We really need to talk more - I really miss the hell outta you.
from vividspirit :
Hey, sorry for this randomness from a complete stranger, just your name caught my eye cause it made me think of the many strange dreams i have, and i seem to dream a hell of a lot, but hey, onto what i wanted to say - you are RIGHT. if you're down and you need to 'cut to live' then go for it, i for one wont tell you not to. the thing is you have to remember every time whether you are doing it for yourself or because of even one other person, and as long as you are doing it because you feel the NEED, because it is for YOU, and if anyone told you to stop you might just do it to spite them all, then go for it. The worst thing to do is try to painfully smile when you know you simply AREN'T READY to yet. Time doesn't heal, happiness does, and until you find it, do what only you feel.
from vacantlegend :
I enjoy your diary. You knew that, but im referring more to the new stuff. I hope everything works out for you :)
from rock-faerie- :
All the little pieces falling, shatter. Shards of me, Too sharp to put back together. Too small to matter, But big enough to cut me into so many little pieces. If I try to touch her, And I bleed, I bleed, And I breathe, I breathe no more. i loved someone once, loved her so much, i would have died for her, is till would, she was my all and my everything, my guardian angel, the best person i ever knew, then a guy came along, and i tried to die, and now everything between us is fucked beyond repair. your last entry was all i ever wanted to say to her.
from cyanideeyes :
I feel ya. How've you been girlie? Yeah, I know I was supposed to write but I have this habit of writing lots of info on small-ass sticky notes, which I always lose of course. And then I decided to look for it after your note you left about me writing you, and I just found it so I can write you and I'm rambling and should probably shut up. If you're ever on AIM, you should hit me up. Later!!!
from mylostangel :
i hate it when that happens, i wish for my depression sometimes. as for school, i dont know if its like college or like a crash coarse, but if its the type of school where you can sign up for the classes you want, lighten up your load, there's nothing wrong with taking a semester or so more than other people
from anamal :
Hi. Just wanted to let you know that I have moved my diary. New addy is xmyxsundownx.diaryland.com....toodles.
from manumission :
Though I may not know you beyond your words, I'm thrilled for you. Proud, even, in an odd...stranger sort of way. You'll do great, and surely you'll be an inspiration one day, too.
from babyblu2 :
I'm so happy you're back! I missed you so much! I'm glad that you have finally realized that everything will be okay. I still haven't, but its good that one of us now has a goal. Hope everything is going great. ::hugs::
from cyanideeyes :
See? I told ya. I've never stopped believing in you, and I know you'll do this and excel at it and be happy with it. Glad to see you update again.
from choked2death :
I used to read ur diary from a different name. It is still something I like to look at.
from babyblu2 :
Been thinking about you, too. I'm glad that everything is going well for you. Oh, and by the way, you rock my socks! x's and o's.
from cyanideeyes :
I always knew you'd do fine...I never thought for one second that you couldn't handle this. I think I need your addy again though, I can't find that letter you sent me last (which is why I hate moving), which had your address, and I'm sad [sniffle]
from manumission :
I'm sure he only wants to see you happy, and that he's an understanding person. People have curious pasts, but it's the present that means everything.
from fucktard- :
sent you the password love. <33333
from cyanideeyes :
If he's worth anything, he'll see those scars as a part of who you are and not something to run from. If he's worth anything, he'll accept you as you are...
from babyblu2 :
im so happy that you're happy! :o) i hope that everything works out well for you.
from cyanideeyes :
Glad to hear you're happy with duder. I sincerely hope it continues. I'm gonna write you a letter soon.
from i-make-scars :
i'm back Jen. un: fuck pass: you feel free to read
from imacrybaby :
you're diary is very interesting to read. i can relate to the experinces you're going through right now. well about the guy, i'll keep my fingers cross for you! :)
from imacrybaby :
you're diary is very interesting to read. i can relate to the experinces you're going through right now. well about the guy, i'll keep my fingers cross for you! :)
from sorceress-47 :
that amazing....for you to be so self sacrificing, i hope she really does see he's not good enough for her, i want you to get your friend back.
from cyanideeyes :
Congratulations on taking one of the hardest steps there is to take in life. I've had to do the same thing, and it's not easy at all, but you realize eventually what's most important, what needs to be done, and ya just hope for the best. Remember that number "conversation" we had? Don't forget it...
from cyanideeyes :
See? This is what scares me - I've also had the coma theory, and I came to the conclusion that it's probably the only way I can quit smoking, refrain from killing certain people, or ending up like the postal workers in the belltower. Maybe we should develop this, make phat cash out of it and buy some island somewhere and say "screw everyone else," eh?
from babyblu2 :
::hugs:: i loooove yooou! sorry, im in one of the good moods right now. i like the good moods, the bad moods... well, those can be pretty bad... i miss you still... :o(
from cyanideeyes :
Hun, do me a favor? Just keep your head on straight and think clearly - it can't take a monumental amount of work to get 1% higher, can it? Just relax, keep that goal in your mind and you'll be alright - I promise.
from atotalfuckup :
*Hugs* Hi friend. <3333
from cyanideeyes :
Huuuuuunnnnnnnyyyyyy - you're not alone. I consider you one of my friends, someone I care a lot about and I think about you constantly. I worry. I hope. I've even prayed. It'll be alright. Eventually. I just wish I could teleport to you and give you a big giant hug and take it all away, but I can't - yet. MWA HAHAHAHA!!! But yeah. You really need to give me your number or call me so we can talk. There's only such much I can say with notes n stuff, ya know?
from manumission :
Your dedication is what matters most. Grades can only measure a classroom environment. Not where those classes will lead you. There, it's all abou the dedication. You have it, I'm sure, otherwise you would have given up long ago. And wierd or not, the option is there anytime you want/need it.
from atotalfuckup :
I believe in you; Don't give up.
from babyblu2 :
You told me to NEVER give up, and I'm going to tell you the same thing. If this is something that you really want, don't give up on it. I believe in you, and I know that you'll get through this. Hell, even I'm only pulling C's in my classes and I'm trying as hard as I can. I didn't realize that college was so difficult. But NEVER give up. I miss you! ::hugs::
from cyanideeyes :
Awwwwww, hunny. It'll be alright, don't let this overwhelm you.
from manumission :
Want my phone number? I'm pretty good at the listening bit. Gotta be with ears as big as mine...
from cyanideeyes :
MY reason? Well, the simplest way I can put it is like this: there's 2 parts. One half is to prove everyone wrong, and the other is to just live - I don't feel like I've lived more than 6 months of my life, and that was when I was jammin' with this phenomenal group of musicians. Even if I don't get to shove all that "It'll get better" crap down their throats, I at least want to taste life...and I have to be here for my kitty of course...
from cyanideeyes :
Awwwwwww, hunny. Don't feel bad 'cause we haven't been keeping in such close contact like we used to. You're busy, I'm now becoming busy - it's only natural. I don't remember if I ever sent my phone # or not, but if you ever need to talk, just let me know and I'll send you my # or something. I'm never too busy to listen to someone when they need to talk. And I'll just listen, too. No blabbing on about what you need to change or anything. If you need to vent, you can vent on me. I know how it is, and I know what it feels like to call someone needing to talk and all they can do is either brush you off or virtually ignore you. I won't do that - promise.
from manumission :
In my opinion, life has no meaning. It wouldn't make one bit of difference if absolutely nothing existed as opposed to this. What would it honestly matter? There'd be nobody and nothing to care... But there is existence and you're apart of it. The best part of it all is...you get to find your own reason for everything. Who cares what scientists and philisophers say, no one is an expert on the unknown. My advice, live because you can. Don't bother with what other people think of the way you choose to live...why bother?
from cyanideeyes :
Generate the reason to breathe, to wake up. That's the only reason why I still do so, to be honest with you.
from cyanideeyes :
When life gives you lemons, kick them fuckers right back in it's face and be like "I said I wanted LEMONADE, Bitch."
from cyanideeyes :
Awwwwwwww, hunny. I'm here if you need me.
from babyblu2 :
remember that after every storm is a rainbow. you will make it through this. if you need someone to talk to, im here. i hope that everything is ok, but even if its not, find one thing to live for. im only living for one thing anymore. dont worry. it will be ok. (how many times have you heard that load of crap) and even if its not, it'll make you a stronger person. good luck with whatever it is thats eating you.
from babyblu2 :
this is my letter to him, maybe i should send it instead of putting it in a box under my bed: it rained all day yesterday. i hate the smell of rain. no, i dont, i hate the fact that the smell of rain reminds me of you. and every song on the radio. and every CD in my car. and my bed. i cant sleep because of you. because of my wanting you. because of my missing you. because i want, no, NEED you. and i hate not wearing the heart. i'm so tempted to put it back on, but i just cant bring myself to the illusion that maybe there is hope. so i sit there and stare at it on a regular basis. and i slept in your shirt last night. i couldnt help myself. and i sleep with bear every night. and i watch random linkin park videos on my laptop. and i crave them. and i miss the sex. i miss feeling your body on mine. i miss how i felt in your arms. and the way you smell. nothing could ever erase that scent from my mind. its engraved there with a picture of you and a missing piece of my heart. you put my heart on a string and have kept it as a play toy. you're like a cat batting at a ball of yarn. you take my heart and slap it around however you want. and i let you. and i give in. your voice can make me do things i would never think of doing. with one word, i will drop everything and run to you. and you expect that of me. but if i ask you to drop everything for me, you say no. or not now. or later. or i cant. but you can, you just dont. or wont. and i want my heart back. stop playing with it. untie that string, only you know how to do that. but i cant lose you from my life. i honestly couldnt survive that. you are what keeps me sane. the only reason i havent done something really stupid yet. and maybe i need to do this. maybe i need to let this guy figure out whats wrong with me. but i cant open up to anyone other than you. how did i get so attached? how did i let you steal that part of my heart in only a few months, a few weeks even? what did you do to get to me? how did you break through all my barriers so quickly? why? why did you let me fall for your beautiful lines and false promises? why did you let me love you when you were just pretending? was it all a game? were you just trying to live up to your nickname of 'virgin killer?' was that all i was, some kind of sick, twisted experiment? you told me that your goal was to corrupt my entire section. so was i part of that goal? was i the starting point on that mission? or did you really love me? do you still love me that way, but are too afraid that this is the real thing? do you not want to admit that we have something GREAT, something that only happens to people who are in love? and i know you better than that, you wouldnt make promises you didnt intend to keep. and i dont think that you would say things as important as you said to me without the intention of following through with it. and you wouldnt tell me things that you have. you wouldnt share secrets THAT big if there wasnt something there. so i think there is. i think we jsut need space. need to figure out that we really do love each other. that all we need is to trust. to stop lying. to stop hiding secrets. talk. communicate. open up. and then, maybe, everything will be okay. and we'll live happily ever after.
from manumission :
We're so alike my dear friend. Maybe what you need, is a counter-balance. It's worked for me before...maybe you, now.
from atotalfuckup :
No, I didn't change it. I hope you can get it to work.
from babyblu2 :
i too am hating the world. every time i think things will get better, then take a turn for the worse. i just hope that one day everything will turn out the way that i have imagined it. i just hope that i havent lost my chance of attaining all that i dreampt of. but i think its too late for that now, i think that my second chances are finally done. i think its time that i quit...
from cyanideeyes :
Just when I managed to quell this itch for another tatt, someone else had to get one...now it itches even more. However, Friday is fast-approaching, and I'll have money to blow...tee hee hee...
from vacantlegend :
I would go to Ohio... but i like Cali way better. i have wanted to do some kind of roadtrip/really long vacation thing tho ... im not sure if it will work out or not, or even if itll happen anytime within the next year(s), but if i end up on the east coast, ill keep you in mind :)
from cyanideeyes :
Yep - I shaved. I hate it. But anyway, uhhhhhhhhhhh no Prozac. Prozac bad. Prozac evil. Prozac poops in mouth. I'm gonna stop talking without the usage of verbs. ANYWAY, I hear ya on the friend thing. My "friend" of 14 years doesn't talk to me anymore, I hardly ever hear from him, and when I DO see him it's for an hour at most. The painful part of all this is the fact that you really DO think it's gonna last forever, and the sudden realization that it's not is just painful enough so that you don't feel it at first. Why do people, especially the ones that are important to us, have to be like that? My first inclination is because they're infected by the Pod People's Gas, but I can't prove anything yet...
from babyblu2 :
you DO deserve better than him. and you AREN'T a slut. you were just seeing what else was out there. don't be so hard on yourself, someday, possibly soon, you will find someone who treats you ten thousand times better than he did. you deserve so much better than that. and he's the one who didn't deserve you. NEVER forget that.
from cyanideeyes :
Don't let it get to you - it's only natural to feel out of place in a siutation like that - just don't let it run your thought process and you'll be alright. Try to look at it like this: "Duuuuude. This is SO sweet. I'm totally rockin' it in this class with these older people. I SO rule." Then you gotta get up on the desk and do a little dance, just don't fall off of it like I always do.
from babyblu2 :
you make yourself feel the way you do because in your mind, nothing will ever be good enough. yuo want something you believe is impossible, but its not, you need to give yourself more credit. to be oneof the youngest people in the class is an accomplishment, not a failure. its awesome not bad.
from vacantlegend :
I kno i remember everyone iv been with. of course, that only two ppl to remember. still, why cant you be in Cali, and not so far away ?
from babyblu2 :
good question. ive wondered about that quite a bit too... i know i'll never forget, but did he?
from electric-oh :
fitofdestiny is good, shes fine. she just cannot use diaryland anymore due to parentals, ect. if you want i can pass a message on to her or something?
from cyanideeyes :
I'm slowly but surely becoming okay, which is nice; I didn't need an overnighter or anything, just SOME sort of change. Things will be okay eventually, I just gotta keep plugging away. The reason I asked about if you were okay or not was because some of those answers made me kinda sad - you really need to think better or yourself, see what's priceless, see what makes you unique, see what makes you worth so much to someone like me. I'd give you a big phat bear hug if I could, without all the uncomfortable non-breathing stuff.
from atotalfuckup :
Don't worry about it love. It was from Bzoink.com; I just didn't post where it came from. That's annoying. ♥
from cyanideeyes :
Are you okay?
from faeriewiccan :
I don't know what happened to her.
from vacantlegend :
Well, im not quite a complete stranger... I have kinda gotten to know you, or at least as much of you that you put on here... oh, and to answer your question: You.
from cherry-girl :
Beautiful - fascinating beyond belief, something/someone that you could look at/talk to/be around forever
from atotalfuckup :
THANK YOU SO MUCH BEAUTIFUL!
from babyblu2 :
According to the dictionary, beautiful is defined as "having qualities that delight the senses, especially the sense of sight." I don't think that is completely true. I think being beautiful is in believing in yourself, knowing that no matter how bad things get in the end everything will get better. I think beautiful delights the mind more than sight, I've always been taught that everyone and everything is beautiful in its own way. Sometimes you just have to look below the surface. So I guess what I'm trying to say is that YOU are beautiful. Everyone is.... At least to me.
from cyanideeyes :
They showed up!!! Your handwriting does not suck, and you're gorgeous. Thank you for sharing. Do I getta keep 'em? Please say yes.
from babyblu2 :
How am I? Whan an interesting question. You're the first person that has actually asked me that in a long time. I'm tired, stressed, frusterated, trying to juggle band work and school, missing my best friend, not feeling anything.... The list could go on and on. I really think I need to write it all in an entry, it would make everything so much easier. I'll update today. I promise!!!
from cyanideeyes :
No, it hasn't shown up yet. I get hella disappointed when I got to my mailbox and it's not there, makes me wanna beat up the mailman. But as far as your entry goes, what I call "The Grand Realization" is a beautiful thing, that's when life REALLY starts to happen. Rootin' for ya as always...
from anamal :
heh, yeah. I noticed after I signed my e-mail. But, glad you decided not to lock it.
from anamal :
my e-mail is ch3m1ca1_romance@msn.com
from manumission :
Some teach that pride is a hindrance to body and soul. I'm not inclined to agree. For I see those that don't take pride in themselves and things they do, and I'd rather not be associated with such beings. You show pride by keeping your diary public. You show pride by refusing to let your words and inner truths be used against you. Maintain that pride. It's a virtue. And any that dare question it, have no pride of their own.
from meesh03 :
AMEN!
from rezzette :
You're locked?
from mylostangel :
contagiousecho@yahoo.com
from manumission :
I tell my friends that I have them to help me. But they don't know how or when to help. I'm the only one who really knows how to help, and I kinda like that. It isn't so bad to be so independent. It just hurts more than it should sometimes. I assure you, the misery subsides.
from cyanideeyes :
Let me help you.
from cyanideeyes :
You only have nothing if you consider me dead or fictional. Granted, I can't be there physically, but I can be there any other way. If you wanna rant, e-mail me or if we ever happen to be on AIM at the same time, just let it loose; don't worry about it. I'm always here for you, don't ever forget that. Shit, I think I even gave you my phone #, that works too. Even if I'm busy, I'll still talk to you; you're one of the few who is allowed to interrupt life without consequence - and if that pic ever shows up, I'm gonna send you a song or poem back...
from cyanideeyes :
What's going on?
from cyanideeyes :
Oh yes...I'll start workin' my magic now...
from atotalfuckup :
It should be in your email now. Yes, and I really wanted at least one diary that I didn't have to lock because of stalkers, but here we go again. Oh well, I'm over it. <3
from cyanideeyes :
I'm glad you found someone!!! But I swear if he doesn't treat you right I'm gonna come down there and give him what-for...
from anamal :
I wish. Because it would begin and end with the first kiss.
from babyblu2 :
you felt beautiful because you ARE beautiful. and you dont need a guy to make you feel that way. you just need something that makes you happy.
from cyanideeyes :
I love you too.
from emptymusings :
"It seems to me the only way to make anyone proud of me is to physically and emotionally kill myself" ^thats *exactly* how i feel... If i could give u a hug I would.
from manumission :
The only pride that matters is the pride that you have in yourself. But if you care to know, I'm proud of you for doing what you felt you had to. Too many people in the world are unable to do so.
from babyblu2 :
its great that what ou did made you happy, but it sucks that everyone is making you seem like the bad guy. my parents are pulling the same attitude with me and quitting my jod. they hate the fact taht i'd rather do nothing than work for someone who gives me aboutthe respect you'd give a rock. i know how you feel.
from cyanideeyes :
I don't blame you at all. And I DO love you!!! If I could, I'd seriously hug the shit outta you and tell you everything will be okay. Then I'd have to lick your forehead just for some comic relief when you least expect it and then we could laugh about it. Then have a Wedgie War. Wait, no; that doesn't work well with chicks. Ummmmmmmm, I'll think of something.
from jazzyana :
Hey, I just wanted to give you some encouragement about guitting KFC... not only is fried chicken sickening... but you can't be doing a lot of good to your mental state by working that much. Sometimes quitting is fun!
from babyblu2 :
don;t be scared, everything will turn out to be what you want it to be. the only thing about school: its nothing you'd expect it to be. im doing summer classes. not cool. and i already hate it.
from mylostangel :
i have those rashes from metal too
from cdghost :
i enjoyed your words very much..peace:thecdghost
from vacantlegend :
your life does bring happiness, it gives hope that even tho things get shitty, that you can survive, live thru it and grow ... oh, and your fast-fodd desciption does sound kinda cute :P *lol*
from babyblu2 :
I'm glad that one of us finally had that realization. Now I guess its my turn to sit and wait for it to hit me. Maybe I'll realize that everything that has been said to me for the last six months was total crap and all my friends were right. Damn. That would suck, me having to say that they were all right. But maybe, just maybe, thats what I need to do...
from babyblu2 :
it all makes me happy, so no matter which way i go, i'll be okay. but i just cant do it all. and thats what bothers me. i'm not superman.
from cyanideeyes :
Don't let this become you way of escaping. I dunno if you were reading me at the start of the year or not, but I was doing the same thing for a while - "Sedate, numb; deaf and dumb..." It will catch up eventually. Don't forget you always have someone to talk to. Sorry I haven't written back yet, I'm lazy as hell lately. I'll do so today - Promise.
from manumission :
To put your mind at ease, no. You don't know me. And I don't know you. You just remind me a lot of who I once was. And you're right. No one can truly understand. Not as fully as any of us might want.
from babyblu2 :
Even though she has her boyfriend, and you think that is all that matters to her anymore, she still needs a best friend. Try to talk to her, it won't be like it used to, but eventually you two will find a way to work around your differences. People don't grow apart, they grow up. And maybe that's what happened, you both grew up and now see the world around you a little differently. But that's part of a friendship, making compromises for each other. Just give it time. All things get better with a little time...
from manumission :
I never admit my pain-save for here. I'll never fess up that my heart is broken, that my life is shit, and that I miss the one person I try not to think of. I know why. Because I can't stand the half-hearted. I'd rather suffer than have someone say "It's going to be okay." Maybe you're the same, maybe not. Either way, I'm sure you have a good reason.
from babyblu2 :
some people just take the trust and love of their friends and twist it to their advantage. and i'm pretty sure that she still cares and she probably misses you just as much as you miss her.
from cyanideeyes :
I believe in you. Always have. You're just going through a really tough spot right now. It was only 2 years ago, but life was absolute, pure utter hell when I was 19. The teenage years bite worse than the 20's, or at least so far. And all that TV crap is over dramatized anyway. But just remember I'm still rootin' for ya. Haven't stopped since I read your diary for the first time, and I don't think anything is going to make me stop.
from babyblu2 :
i believe in you.
from cyanideeyes :
Sounds like we both did something rather destructive to ourselves last night. I'm also finding myself desperate for a reason to live. You really should call or e-mail me sometime, I feel like there's something we must discuss.
from caustic-slip :
i really love that quote on your layout. goegeous.
from babyblu2 :
only one word can sum up my comments on that entry: amen.
from vacantlegend :
I dont keep a paper journal because I -know- id lose it. Things seem to be getting better tho, i hope you find what makes you truly happy :)
from cyanideeyes :
Your journal will turn up. Although I have never seen a picture of you, I know for certain you're not ugly - SO STOP IT!!! Although I can't really stop you, but ya know...just breathe. Everything will be okay, I promise.
from babyblu2 :
mine was about a week late and i panicked as well. relax, it will come. its probably late because of stress, thats why mine was late. and about your journal... i hope you find it. i'd be just as pissed if i couldnt find mine.
from mylostangel :
yay period, mine is still MIA, but the test says i'm not. i'm sorry about your journal, have you searched your room upside down?
from mylostangel :
remember my scare? i still havent had my period, sometimes it just doesnt feel like coming. which sucks, but you have more than one test right? take it every week if your still unsure <3
from lost-smile :
That's one of my favorite quotes [the quote on your new layout]. I hope things are working out good for you!! <33
from cyanideeyes :
I know exactly how you feel, especially right now.
from babyblu2 :
sometimes, thats exactly what you need. an escape. an escape from yourself and from the world. dont be afraid to be as crazy and depressed as you want to be, and dont let anyone tell you that its wrong to be that way. stop smiling for the world, find a reason to smile for you. take a break from all the distractions (stress, ryan, friends, family...) and find yourself again. thats all you really need. and remember that someday everything will be better.
from rezzette :
Thank you. You don't know exactly how much your words helped.
from babyblu2 :
sweeyie, dont cut, you're stronger than that. i know that it makes you feel better, and its something that only you can control, but dont do it. and i hope that everything works out. i'm here if you need me.
from cyanideeyes :
Always remember I'm here to talk if you need to.
from whiskeybabe :
ugh you niebors suck. needless to say im probly one of those gurls!
from emoheartsyou :
man, getting over a boy is ruff to the bone.. i recommend tori amos and candles... what i hate most is knowing that you'll never see them again, though the image of their face is constantly bombarding your days. ... check out my entry titled "lonliness" -its dedicated to my best friend , who's afraid of being alone forever.. best wishes!
from babyblu2 :
why is it that even when i'm with him, i can't seem to get enough of him?
from babyblu2 :
hey, just wanted to make sure you have the password to my diary. the username is shattered and the password is love. i actually had time to write.
from cyanideeyes :
Yikes. That's pretty scary, walkin' home at like 4 in the morning while drunker than all get-out. KUDOS!!!
from babyblu2 :
i know its not cute or fun, but deep down i want to believe that he still feels the same about me. i know its wrong, and i know that i'm just setting myself up for another heartbreak, but the times i'm in his arms, or jsut with him, i feel so much better than i do otherwise.
from babyblu2 :
call him. maybe what he really needs is for you to tell him that everything will be okay, not today, not tomorrow, but someday. call him, let him talk, but dont force him to. just be there for him. oh, and i hope your nose feels better. thats so cool!
from mylostangel :
i want one...
from cyanideeyes :
Tee hee hee - Nose piercings rock socks off round the clock.
from good-evil :
Hi there! We're a new review site and we're currently looking for diaries to review. If you'd like to submit your diary in for a review, pls feel free to visit us and request! Thanks and have a great day! - Good vs Evil Reviews (good-evil.diaryland.com)
from mylostangel :
rainbows, someone on the street, walking through town, music, just little things. start there and everything will slowly seem better
from mylostangel :
you can make your life a fairy tale too, just love the smaller things
from babyblu2 :
i'm glad that you had that talk with him. i hope it helped you figure out how to get that part of your heart back. maybe it did, maybe it didn't, you are the only one who knows that. and i'm glad that my advice helped, no one else listens to me any more, but knowing that something i said helped you makes me feel a lot better.
from babyblu2 :
by the way, my new diary is unbrokensoul. i havent written in it yet, but i will. i've just been kinda busy...
from babyblu2 :
the need for him is so great because he holds a large part of your heart. you gave that part to him, and you are the only one who can take it back. and that is only if you want to. if you believe that there is still some chance for you and him to be together, you aren't going to stop loving him, you'll just find ways to hide that love for the time in between. until then, try to find a way to stop loving him, find someone who can take his place in your heart. trust me, someday you will.
from cyanideeyes :
It's only as easy as you let it be. Seriously, I'm dying to get to know you better. You should e-mail me sometime. I'm always over here rootin' for ya, don't forget that.
from cyanideeyes :
Now it's time to leave it all behind...
from stoner-girl :
hey you're welcome, you're a really good writer! And you like Prozac Nation/Fight Club...always good in my books.
from babyblu2 :
i hope that he calls. maybe he's busy or didn't have a chance to get to the phone. give it another day, and then call him. it never hurt to be the one to call, i've learned that. i just hope that you don't give in to the want to cut, you don't need to. he isn't worth it. i'm here if you need me.
from livngdedgrl- :
Congratulations on Graduating. Hope you are having a good day. :)
from vacantlegend :
hey, i remember when i graduated n stuff i had those same 'what do i do now' fears. just involve yourself in your goals, and itll fade away.
from silentletter :
congratulations!
from babyblu2 :
first thing, congrats on your test, i knew you'd do fine. and second, the poem was awesome. i hope that everything starts turning around for you, it's already starting. summer changes a lot of things.
from rezzette :
Way to go on the test!!
from livngdedgrl- :
Good luck on your test! :)
from hamletwildie :
Good luck on your test. I'm sure you'll do fine. : )
from bleedinggrly :
I forgot about your SI presentation until now, how did it go? Details. ^.^
from jazzyana :
Good luck on quitting smoking!! Hope your time passes quickly without too many cravings!
from babyblu2 :
congratulations and good luck on quitting. growing up is the hardest part, but college IS just around the corner. maybe it is time that we both grew up and out of our fantasy worlds. i hope it all works out for you.
from operaticblis :
and you bleed jus to kno ur alive
from hamletwildie :
Thanks. I've been looking for a new one for a really long time. And this one just sort of worked. It seemed to fit me (at my present mindset) more than the old one...I think.
from livngdedgrl- :
Hi beautiful. I hope you are having a good day. I emailed you the new password to my diary. <3333
from cyanideeyes :
That's why I will never get my shit reviewed, because if your area isn't all colorful, happy, full of the bunny wabbits and endless rolling green meadows and forced, "happy" words then you automatically get a bad review. Those assholes need to realize not all of us got the clean end of the stick...
from easyreviews :
your review is up at easy reviews: http://easyreviews.diaryland.com/acidreams.html If you are not pleased with your score, please feel free to request a re-review after 10 new entries. -Easyreviews staff
from babyblu2 :
I think that part of being "best friends" is dealing with how the other person has changed. It has taken me forever to realize that even though you do have your differences, and there are many things about them that you may not like, change is part of life. Being a best friend means that you love each other for who you are. If you guys have been friends fo so long, your bond is strong enough that you will overcome these obsticles. I believe in you guys, just like I believe in Elizabeth and I. I hope everything works out okay. *hugs*
from hamletwildie :
Yes, I know. It's just SAD....Hmmm...You are not what brand of shoes you wear......Unless you happen to go to MY school, that is.
from madisadri :
matt skiba is the god of all gods. you _better_ love him. :)
from pathosenmity :
hey your review is done
from cyanideeyes :
I'll bet you ARE beautiful. Just because you haven't been told so doesn't mean you're not. Not that I'm trying to be judgemental or anything, but it sounds like the kind of guys you've dated in the past weren't the type to say those kinds of things - they were pretty much interested in doing what their hormones told them.
from bthroomslut :
pft, thats gross flattery. but who doesnt like a compliment once in a while? ♥allie
from babyblu2 :
just remember that someone, somewhere does care about you. i feel your pain once again because julie, my so-called best friend, is no longer speaking to me either. i hurts so much that things will never be the same. but i think that is part of growing up. people change, and no one ever likes that. eventually you and justine will get over your differences and everything will be better. maybe all you two need is some time apart. if you ever need a friend, you know you can count on me. *hugs*
from hamletwildie :
I think that in some ways, that really is the only thing that most of us need. Just to have our friends pull us out when we don't feel good. It hasn't really been working for me so far...But, hey, it never really does.
from menrbastards :
Hey! Has a guy done you wrong? Want to share about it? If so, we're the place for you! Check it out, more info is provided on how to send in your stories! Hurry! We want to hear about the slimeballs! Check it out, link us, and promote! Thanks! *Men-R-Bastards Crew*
from breathe-salt :
aww thanks love. ♥
from bthroomslut :
hey girlface, thanks for adding me as a favourite. i was just wondering how you found out about my diary? thanks! ♥alea
from grandbeach :
I've noticed the same thing about myself and other people. It just seems people write better when they're sad, but you should be happy that at least you're not depressed even if it means your writing isn't as good. I know I am.
from cyanideeyes :
Hmmmm, you're a Capricorn. That explains quite a bit, actually. I always wondered why we seemed so much alike, now I know.
from babyblu2 :
congratulations! i'm so happy for you. i hope it all turns out well for you.
from cyanideeyes :
Glad to hear everything went well. As far as high school goes, I never missed it, and just based on what I know of you, I don't think you will either. There are certain aspects of it you'll still have a fondness for, but overall I'll bet money you'll be happy as hell to be away from it. I'm glad to see such a positive tone in your entry. I'm always rootin' for ya.
from a-sad-story :
my username used to be acid-dreams...back in the summer before my sophomore year in high school. hopefully you have a better time with the name.
from cherry-girl :
How'd you do?! Great, I bet.
from cyanideeyes :
Just to get in touch with my ethnicity for a second (for once) - Knock 'em on the flo, G!!! ::ahem:: You'll do fine, definitely let us know how it went!!!
from mylostangel :
super duper good luck tomorrow! tell us how it goes
from eol :
good luck. i'm sure it will be great. (hugs) namaste -Ky-
from babyblu2 :
you CAN do this. and you WILL do this. and you are going to be great at it. and thnak you for the last note, i really needed that. it made my day. :) *hugs*
from blackxdawn :
hi, don't worry about it. i have no idea where she went. i am also really worried about her but i dont know how to get ahold of her. sorry.
from babyblu2 :
from what i can tell, she is just being a psycho, jealous bitch. sharing a beer with someone and having him compliment you is not wrong. if she doesn't like the fact that you two are trying to get along, which is a good thing, then she either doesn't trust you, or more than likely, doesn't trust HIM. you need to remember that you were friends first, and no matter what, the friendship will last longer than any relationship ever will.
from babyblu2 :
as do you. but i think that i'm an emotional masochist, i just like getting hurt. for the time being, i plan on making the best of what the situation is. i mean, i wanna be there to say goodbye when he leaves. but when that time comes, i don't think--no, i KNOW i'm not going to be able to let it go... i just don't know how to let go of something i love as much as life itslef.
from babyblu2 :
once again for the ironies of our lives: mark is moving back to new york in three months. he told me this while i was laying on his bed in his arms. its scary to know that the one person that you hurt is leaving for good so you don't have the chance to hurt them again. i think he's trying to run away, trying to push me away this time, not the other way around. and i'll keep going back into his arms, the arms that hold another girl on a daily basis, until the day he leaves. and maybe i deserve to be used. i mean, i hurt him so badly, so i deserve this, right? why couldn't i just let myself be happy when i had the chance? but once again, the ironies of our lives put us in the same position... just know i'm here if you need me...
from hamletwildie :
Hey, thanks. Nice to know some people find the fact that I just shout out random observations admirable. Yeah. Sorry. I'm in a kinda weird mood today because...Well. I don't actually know WHY. But I'm listening to Millencolin, so I'll just blame them. Blame them and all their songs about nose-picking......Uhhhhh...So that was it. Thanks. Your diary is very cool, by the way. I think I should have said that first instead of rambling on about nothing, but...I didn't. Thanks again...~Lizz/Eddie/Freddie/Fredward/Pinki/DiDi....yeah. I have a lot of nicknames. So nevermind.
from cyanideeyes :
Yes, it was a song, but the only thing is it hasn't been put to music yet. I write lyrics and poems all the time, helps out with my demons. If you thought that was good, you should see my REAL stuff, 'cause that was nothing in comparison. I've just been fighting the urge lately, had to write about it...
from babyblu2 :
god sweety, how do you get yourself guys like that? i wish i could find one! lol. but no, seriously, if you're happy, fuck everything else. i realized that being happy for a short time is better than not allowing yourself to be happy at all. dont push it away. i think i finally realized that.
from tearsr4ever :
this is my new diary -love jessica
from cyanideeyes :
I dunno if you read my stuff or not, but I suggest you check out today's entry. It reminded me of you when I read through it.
from mylostangel :
i plan on never letting him go <3
from cyanideeyes :
I can't tell you how many times I've had to bite my tongue (or fingers, rather) after reading one of your entries. Not that I would denounce your or anything, it's just there are certain words of comfort I'd love to give but I feel as if I either have no business saying such things, or I feel as if I don't know you well enough/not close enough to say things like that, or to be taken serisously. You sound just like me when I was a teenager. Granted, I'm only 21 and not that far away from those years, but I know exactly what you're going through all the time. I really wish there was something I could do or say to make you feel better, or at least take away the pain when it's the most intense. Just know that although I remain silent most of the time, I always feel for you and I wish you the best. I'd like to get to know you better one day.
from i-make-scars :
i'm on page 61 and i love it. this book is the fucking best. lol. happy 420!
from livngdedgrl- :
Your right. I guess I just wish that it was someone else who cared about me. Not her. :/
from glassboxgurl :
oh the series.
from rezzette :
I can really relate to what you just wrote...
from babyblu2 :
and once again i know exactly how you feel. and i try to hide that feeling from everyone else.
from rezzette :
Thanks, I just can't wait until I'm actuallly allowed to use it.
from jesslez69 :
self mutalation and slef destructive tendencies are very much so genetic..its a fact...my counselor told me that a while ago...some times it is, and some times its not...but in most cases it is...i just wanted to share that with you. love -Jessica
from i-make-scars :
Hey. I just ordered A Bright Red Scream. So I get to go pick it ip in a week. Yay! So yeah. Just thought I'd say hey! <3 Katt
from livngdedgrl- :
I emailed you the user and pass! Hugs and Kisses. -Erica
from vacantlegend :
that wasnt quite what i meant *lol* but im glad to hear it! :D
from versiveperve :
It's been a while since I read your diary, I haven't had a computer in a while. But I read everything today. I cheated on my boyfriend on friday, and I haven't stopped crying since. I guess I just wanted to let you know how much what you wrote about doing the same thing means to me right now.
from babyblu2 :
thanks, i yhink i just needed someone to reassure me that things would be ok. i talked to him and i think he's going to be ok, at least he's not going to kill himself anytime soon - hopefully not ever. and i told him that if he really loved me and he promised me that we would be together forever, that he wouldn't do anything that stupid. and he promised me. and now i'm just hoping that he doen't break his promises...
from babyblu2 :
i think i'm going to cry... last night mark told me that basically, he was going to kill himself. he's told me that before, but never like this, never that i wouldn't have to worry about him anymore. please tell me that i'm overreacting and he wouldn't do it. tell that everything will be okay...
from babyblu2 :
i know people shouldn't expect me to, but they do, and i know i shouldn't listen to them, but i do. and i dont know if letting him go is the best thing for me. i just dont know what is going on in my life anymore, and thats really sad. but being with him is when i feel the best, so maybe that means im not ready to let him go, or i dont want to let him go. but graduation is 3 months away, and i can leave and never look back. maybe that will help...
from livngdedgrl- :
It pissed me off too, I have to say. I agree, Frankie did an excellent job explaining it. It pissed me off when that one girl with short hair said "You don't want to die, do you?" I screamed at the TV when she said that. People need to understand that when people cut, they don't want to die. Just like Frankie said, it can lead up to that. But I agree totally with what you said.
from vacantlegend :
me? im doing alright, all busy with the packing. how bout you? you doin alright i hope?
from kreepy-jebus :
thanx for the note, i agree with you. Some of the things I have been through I am just glad I like this guy becuase he isnt an asshole like the others. but he has a girlfreind so there is no future with us.
from babyblu2 :
very true, and thanks for the birthday wish, you were the first person to wish me a happy birthday. i feel special. :)
from babyblu2 :
why is it that these songs can describe the way we feel so perfectly? i just wish i had the words to say everything i feel, or maybe i'm just meant to live in a song. that would be so much better than reality, dont you think?
from vacantlegend :
i dont think your a slut. and, even if you are, i still dont hate you. actually, thats kind-of a lie because i have alot of slut-friends. i still dont think your a slut tho. why do you? feel free to email me. noting at each other is kinda weird.
from glassboxgurl :
That's cool. I really liked that movie. Plus Angelina's gotta be one of the hottest women alive. Lol. Can I add you to my buddy list?
from vacantlegend :
i jus wish i could do something like that for someone like you
from livngdedgrl- :
Ryan is 25 and he is dating a 14 year old? Wow that is some fucked up shit. Sorry about Ryan though. You don't need him. You will find someone soon enough.
from babyblu2 :
at least you tried to be the better person. you wanted to fix it and he didnt. now you know that you dont need a person like him in your life. you deserve someone better and you will find someone who really does love you. just give it time.
from cyanideeyes :
Well, at least you tried to be mature and adult about it. If he can't, that's his problem. You're the better person. I commend you, that's always a hard situation.
from babyblu2 :
don't chicken out. if i could do it, and mark and i are actually speaking now, i believe that you can too. don't let the fear of getting back together or not getting back together with him overcome you. believe in yourself. i'm here if you need me.
from babyblu2 :
i know you can do it. i just hope everything turns out okay. well i'm leaving today for boston for spring break. if you need to talk, you can email me or leave me a note, i'll be checking in. good luck with Ryan... *hugs*
from babyblu2 :
i think thats a better thing than a real relationship. i wish i knew what mark wanted, too bad i dont think he even knows what he wants.
from babyblu2 :
its not that you have become worse of a person, its that you grew and changed. maybe not in the way you wanted, but it happened. and when life is good, all you want is that happiness even if it means giving up on who you really are. and thats something that i need to stop doing. we need to learn that we are who we are and hope that the happiness will come along with it. and i want to find someone to love as well... why is that so much to ask for?
from vacantlegend :
sometimes i pretend that other people whose lives are totally detached from mine are actually talking aobut me. sometimes i fell better inside.
from livngdedgrl- :
*Hugs* Your diary is my favorite to read. You and your diary mean alot to me.
from cyanideeyes :
Call him up anyway. If you really want to apologize, you should. What's the worst that can happen? At least he'll know that you actually feel remorse for it. We guys who have been cheated on think we meant nothing, and we always keep that in our minds whenever we think of the cheating ex. However, one has apologized to me about a year ago, and it took me a while to get over the hostility. But the thought that she felt bad about it showed me she's a human being that makes mistakes rather than an emotionless bitch who trods on people for fun. Just a thought. You may regret not apologizing later...
from babyblu2 :
once again, i do believe that we are inside each others minds. im going through the same thing. i want to be in mark's arms again. i want to apologize for being a bitch, for having the nerve to cheat on him. but i just keep telling myself that in time i will get over it, i will survive... i hope.
from livngdedgrl- :
I really liked your entry "Pretty in Pink..black" There was just something about it that I loved.
from bleedinggrly :
Good luck with it. ;o) xx
from bleedinggrly :
This is Silencedx [new diary] and I was wondering how did your project turn out?
from pirate-life :
Why thank you, and because you like Alk3 too, you must also rock.
from brninupinsde :
My password is alone and the screenname is fairypeople. But my diary is now dead... If you care to read my new one then the site is http://www.xanga.com/private/home.aspx?user=WatzItallBout
from jedi0style :
I suppose it's rather hard to not feel jealous. It's always good to just do stuff that 'takes you away'. I try to do that as much as I can...when I'm jealous that is.
from vacantlegend :
... I've got a song stuck in my head, One that I miss more than my bed; It's a song sung from a fallen milkman, Who's drinking bleach instead, I'm much like him ~
from bloodiwrist :
do you want me to email them to you?
from bloodiwrist :
in response 2 your message on visiblescars~ yes i have some stuff, a couple pictures and a couple poems, leave me a note if you want them.
from babyblu2 :
sweety, you dont need to be happy for her. you need to tell her how you feel. and always remind her that you'll be there for her if and when she gets hurt. i'd be jealous if some guy was stealing away my best friend, too. but then again, thats because i've always been a jealous person.
from babyblu2 :
sweety, you dont need to be happy for her. you need to tell her how you feel. and always remind her that you'll be there for her if and when she gets hurt. i'd be jealous if some guy was stealing away my best friend, too. but then again, thats because i've always been a jealous person.
from cherry-girl :
Not a very good best friend...
from caustic-slip :
i did write that entry, well, heh i write all of them..thank you. and about our last post- three months since you cut? good for you, thats a really long time...dont start again no ones worth wasting all that efort- believe me i know the effort it takes to quit that. i hopes that you feel better though.
from babyblu2 :
im sorry! ive been so busy with fighting with "friends." and im quite disappointed, i cant get into your new entry, it sends me to an error page... such sadness. i'll be updating my diary in a while, so you can catch up. oh, and thanks for offering to listen, it means a lot to have someone who cares... *hugs*
from sweetkate28 :
sorry, address is soccerkatie2280@aol.com
from sweetkate28 :
hey, saw your post in visible scars. you can take anything you want from my other diaries. razor-thin.diaryland.com or keep-quiet.diaryland.com. if you could judt e mail me with what you took (out of sheer curiosity) then that would be good. -katie
from babyblu2 :
it great to know theres someone out there who knows what im going through. and it makes me feel a lot better to know that if i need it, i have somoene to talk to, since my "friends" dont seem to want to listen. thanks...
from babyblu2 :
hey. i know how you felt about the whole telling your best friend thing. i was put in the same position on friday. my best friends boyfriend was trying to get me to do shit with him. and i was ready to. then i realized it would fuck up a really great friendship and i stopped. thank god i did, because when he realized what he almost did, he thanked me for not doing anything. but i want to tell her. i just dont know how to...
from gothiceyes :
Thank you for your kind words about my writing. I will email you with story, but may I please just be credited as "gothiceyes"? Thanks.
from silentletter :
thank you for your note. but how can you be so sure? I just don't know...♥
from babyblu2 :
dont feel so bad about the bruised ribs, i have done the same thing, only i bruised my shoulder doing that against a locker, on a chair, in the band room, at school. now thats pathetic. but hey, it still feels good. even worse, i just got off the phone with one of my friends who told me that mark, the guy im always talking about, was only using me for the sex. fuck love, i quit.
from babyblu2 :
i feel you there, my night was spent "chaperoning" my best friend and her boyfriend. it was filled with hearing kissing noises and seeing the backs of heads. well its just one more crappy holiday to be spent alone, thats nothing new to me, no big surprize there. the best part of my evening was coming home. how sad is that...
from babyblu2 :
actually, it does make sense. but this weekend is going to be even worse, im the only single one out of all my friends. and once again, im letting him use me because for those few minutes, i feel so good. well, im off to my crappy weekend in front of the TV with ice cream... hope your valentines day is better than mine...
from babyblu2 :
how do you hold your head high when you're feeling so low?
from babyblu2 :
i wish i knew... but i'm hoping the tears will wash him away. and i couldnt think of you as a slut, hell, i'd just be being hypocritical of myself. a friend of mine told me today that it will all get better, it may not seem that way now, but eventually. maybe she's right. i hope she is.
from babyblu2 :
that is the best way to learn, from your own mistakes. i still dont think you're a bad person or a slut. you are the only person that can live for you and you need to accept that. before anyone can love you, you need to learn to love yourself. ha, maybe i should take my own advice...
from babyblu2 :
i agree with using them. i think it would feel a lot better than being used. but the pain becomes worse when you find out they have found someone new, someone to take your place. then you think 'well, maybe i was only a good fuck.' and thats when it hurts most. been crying for three days over that one.
from poemsbyme :
yeah you can use some poems. i had to lock it ad the u/n and p/w is now and locked...orginal isn't it
from livngdedgrl- :
I guess, Maybe I am happy. I don't know for sure. Does it really seem that I am happy?
from hatesecms :
sure u can have the password, but I only send it in emails so if u can leave ur email address i'll gve it to you.
from silentletter :
aww sweetheart, someday someone will love you-and me I hope- for who we are. you're beautiful, do you know that?
from babyblu2 :
b the way, i changed my password... username: 11103 password: 11304
from babyblu2 :
i let guys use me as well. i mean, it feels great for the short time im in his arms, but then... i dont know, part of me fades away. someday when--no, if-- someone can love me for me, i guess i'll stop being used. but until then, i guess i'm stuck being hurt. i just want you to know there are people out there who feel the same way you do...
from silencedx :
Don't worry about it, I'm glad I could be a part of it. :) Tell me if the pictures didn't show up in email.
from emptymusings :
maybe we're just searching for something more. I let them use me too. I hope things get better.
from livngdedgrl- :
Hey there. You could use any of my poems on BloddyWrist.diaryland.com if you want to. I'm not sure if they are what you are looking for. If they are, then go ahead. Just thought I'd let you know. You could let me know on my diary or email me at Missattitude_1989@yahoo.com
from caustic-slip :
you're welcome to any usable material you find in my diary, should you want it (caustic-slip.diaryland.com). um...the entry called "false concience" is about cutting in particular a quitting poem from one of the first times that i quit, back when i still thought that i could. its rather crappy and peretentious but its al that i can directly remember the name of right now... but yea, otherwise just e-mail me at drummer4x@hotmail.com. you probly wont use any of the stuf but i hopes tha it helps or something...heheh
from silencedx :
I have some pictures and poems..I don't know if they are what you are looking for or if you'll like any of them but they are still out there for you. Umm, you can get ahold of me at my diary or AIM; EvilSlushieQueen or email; PretendImNotHerex@yahoo.com. I'm almost always online..so just find me and I'll get back to you.
from razordreamer :
hey you cna use anything from my dairy if you want(i doubt it'll be good enough..) or from my other diary razorkissed2 or xbarbwirdrmx.or you can go to http://allpoetry.com/poets/broknglassroses.and if you do just please credit me a little.i hope i helped you some.
from babyblu2 :
hey, the username is broken and password is heart. hope i can help! if you ever need to talk, my screenname on aol is blucruprincess...
from deathletter :
Hey you, you can talk to me if you need a friend. Maybe we haven't known each other for a gazzilion years, but who ever said you had to know each other that long to be able to listen? I'm here to listen if you need me, [[Tearstreaked559]] - jaime
from cyanideeyes :
Regarding the most recent entry, I personally don't believe this makes you a bad person. We do what we do, and it's through these experiences that we learn things. If you hadn't done this, how would you know whether you liked it or not, or whether or not it was something you totally abhorred? If you don't feel bad or guilty, chances are you didn't do anything wrong.
from livngdedgrl- :
It really is a great book.
from cyanideeyes :
Sorry about the little mix up, it's corrected. Thanks for lettin' me know n stuff, I hate it when I'm a dumbass...
from emptymusings :
nope. you're not. at least i dont think so. Besides... ive never really understood why being a so-called slut is such a bad thing. If sex is consensual and safe go for it I say.
from babyblu2 :
hey. i dont think it makes you a bad person or a slut. hell, if i said it did, i'd be a hipcrit because im doing the same thing. my diary's locked, but leave me a note if you want the password. maybe my thoughts can help...
from mylostangel :
it doesnt make you a slut, at least i dont think so
from bloddywrist :
My new diary is Livngdedgrl-. Add me!!! :)
from blackxdawn :
i haven't unlisted you. i think you're lovely.
from hrts-to-tink :
Hey... ok guys can make you happy... sometimes... Sometimes they can jsut be assholes or a fuckin hassle. Well Happy New Years, and stay Happy!
from caustic-slip :
it either takes them a long time or probably never at all. that really sucks for those who do know though, huh?
from x-quizite :
Have a happy new year, and a good year. Best of luck with this one. Take care.
from x-quizite :
Have yourself a merry Christmas...the day isn't over.
from minnerdint :
hey. good movie choices. i'm in canton too, what school do you go to?
from darkspirits :
Oh yeah, What's your email? I forgot it....
from darkspirits :
Sure, I'll email it. And I promise I won't change it again. :)
from time-enough :
*blush* we are music +together+
from i-cut-deep :
well hopefully things work out for you. i like what you wrote today, god is a girl, if god wasnt a girl then the world would be in total carnage. girls are better anyway:)
from i-cut-deep :
maybe you should just trust him and see where it goes, i know how you feel about being with a person who seems to be way better than you, you are always going to wonder why that person is with you and sometimes it is good to just be happy that the person you are with has chosen you, i am fallin in love and i dont see why this person loves me and i try not to wonder why they love me i just go along with it.
from deadicequeen :
oh btw.. this is ifuckenhateu. this username is my poems.
from deadicequeen :
i still read it. i'm glad you're kinda happier. i was and now things are going downhill again. best of luck to you and your happiness.
from i-cut-deep :
hey i read your diary all the time, i think of your diary as a bible almost, i awlays read it, sont stop writeing please
from silentletter :
I'd say I want you to come back soon because I will miss your writing, but if you're not coming back until you're feeling down again I hope you never come back. I hope this stays with you, and that you stay happy. <3<3<3
from caustic-slip :
hey i dont know why you write here or what you are doing...but i like reading your diary so keep doing whatever it is, k....
from darkspirits :
I am so sorry.. I will email u the password and stuff. Someone got my password that wasn't supposed to.
from darkspirits :
I sent you the username and password. :)
from ifuckenhateu :
my xanga username is cassers
from i-cut-deep :
you are very welcom :)
from i-cut-deep :
aww i love you, i think that you are pretty/sexy/lovely/beautiful. everything. dont feel that way.
from pickurpoison :
amazing transparent man rocks. i love your diary template, by the way. i just might read up on you a little more...i like your stuff. <333
from darkspirits :
Of course you can have it. Just not on here. If you are on AIM sometime, I will give it to you then. Ok? :)
from i-cut-deep :
i want a tattoo really bad but i am a wimp and i go for the peircings. i got my tounge belly button and my nipple peirced. how old are you???? you sound like someone that i would hang out with. what all are you into. (drugs, sex,music ect.)
from fitofdestiny :
Oh hon! I can totally relate. I've liked the same guy for a little less than 4 years, and he seemed so close for awhile, but I couldn't reach him... Things will work out for you though hon. Things always work out, eventually. And thank you SO MUCH for the email card! It really brightened my day. I owe you BIG TIME. *big hug* Destiny
from shegabriel :
your words today totaly compare with what is going on with me right now omg beautiful
from shegabriel :
i want you , you are beautiful please someday look me up in the diarys and leave me a note tell me when i can have you i completly understand everything that you say. i have been readin you diarys for a while and i think that i have fallen in love.
from omanda69 :
wow your diary is amazing, i tottaly understand wat your going thru... i used on of ure things in my diary but i gave u tottal props! and if u want me to take it off i will... later days
from time-enough :
hi. i'm not really sure.
from alwayzhere4u :
I've locked my diary. username: forever password: holdingon
from alwayzhere4u :
no, I didn't write that, I found those lyrics from a song while I was looking for another and thought they sounded cool. I don't think I've ever even heard the song, actually. But the lyrics fit in with how I was feeling, so I used them.
from x-quizite :
Thank you. I agree with you. I ran into the girl yesterday... but I guess I'm just another body to her 'cause she didn't remember me.
from x-quizite :
No, I didn't say anything to the girl. I guess she thought I was hopeless and decided [for me] that I was done looking into the mirror. I was quite pissed off, but... it's ok. Thank you for your suggestion. Perhaps I should've stood up for myself, but then I would've looked like the stuck-up one.
from self-harm :
thank you :-) <3 xxx
from darksorrows :
this is buttchild. I got a new diary.
from self-harm :
i guess i just let things get to me...and i've had alot happen to me in the 15 years that i've been here. *hugs and kisses* <3 xxx
from hatesecms :
Your diary is really interesting to read.
from cherry-girl :
Heey...go to villagephotos.com and get an account, and you can host them there...then upload your pics, click on the picture after you do, then click on "tools, urls, etc" and it'll give you the html code. Yay!
from bbreviews :
I've noticed you like reviews... why not try Bondagebear Reviews?
from blackxdawn :
it's all about trying not to try to let them get to you. does that make sense? i like yours too. </3
from startwinkle- :
Ya I don't understand that either. It's not like they really care and they just make things worse. I just wish people would let us cut and not say anything about it. But people arn't like that so I guess we just have to deal.
from cheekyreview :
Like getting reviewed? Check out Cheeky Reviews!
from holycow777 :
hey... im not exactly sure what the town is called... i think its sugar creek or somewhere around there. some town where theres lots of amish lol. thanks for still reading...
from buttchild :
yeah..Sorry. the user name is hot and the pass is patootie
from startwinkle- :
Thanks so much... The luck didn't work. *shrugs* But thanks anyways!
from punksrule :
Yes I know that. But I don't know how to fix that.
from self-harm :
*hugs you* <3 xxx
from x-quizite :
You're freakin' awesome. Your thoughts, your diary, your mind... just you. You're great and don't let anyone make you believe you otherwise.
from pinktaco :
yes i am still writing it, please tell me your story
from buttchild :
Yeah sure. The user name is ass and the pass is jack
from x-quizite :
Thank you for wishing my a happy birthday. It is people like you who keep me on this earth and make me look forward to another year. Thank you :).
from deathletter :
name- never password- enough
from cherry-girl :
Crimson and regrets. *smile*
from suicidewish :
"Sometimes you hurt whats on the outside, to heal whats on the inside." dude. if that's not the truth, then i don't know what is...
from suicidewish :
that is so weird that i picked the layout you were lookin at...craziness. have you decided what you're gonna use for a layout? cuz i love the one you have now, but i think the distillers one would be cool, or any one that you pick. :)
from cherry-girl :
Cool.
from cherry-girl :
Where do you live dear, if you don't mind me asking?
from suicidewish :
thanks
from loki-trick :
:)
from rjspumpkin :
You're welcome. I know it seems like you will never stop, but eventually something will wake up inside you. I know that seems impossible because of the beast that seemes to live in your head and cry out to be released, just like I know the only way you know how to do that is self-hurt. It sounds trite but I'm here for you. I know how it feels to be alone, angry, and empty. I have found that empty is the worst feeling in the world because it allows us to do things like cutting. Cutting seems to be the only way to feel alive because that beast coursing through your veins eats up everything that is good, and eventually everything bad. Until you're left with nothing but pain to remind you that you live. Pain that can only be self inflicted because you've grown numb to everything else. I wish there was a way for me to show you that life does exist, that people do care about you, that you can breathe. But I can't do that, only when that demon inside you dies will you be woken to such emotions. I hope that happens for you soon. I hope you aren't as tormented as I was, and I hope you never ever loose what I lost. I still struggle with my demons, they never go away, you have to learn how to control them. I lost a huge part of my life, I beat myself up all the time and that left me feeling worthless. Yes, you may need help as far as your cutting goes, you may just need someone to vent on when the beast inside wakes up and starts driving you crazy. The rest of it is in you, you have the power to overcome this. It may take a long time, it took me 6 years to fully overcome it. But you can do it. I hope this finds you well and safe. You have to love yourself Dream. And you have to believe no matter how hard it is to do so, and trust me, I know it's close to impossible to do.
from suicidegame :
i like yours too. very night vision.
from pinktaco :
hey my name is christine and I'm 16, girls have been sending me letters and email's about their lives. and I'm putting a book together. its called "It's Real" Its about girls minds. basically its about anything. girls with problems. its just so people know they're not alone basically. It can be about anything, love, sex, relationships, self harm, eating disorders, friends, family..whatever, its just has to come from your real mind. i like what you have to say, you have cool words, and you remind me of me..if you'd like..i was wondering if you'd like to write something for it. anything you want and i'll put it in. thanks, you can email me at Iamashark07@yahoo.com. and if you know of anyone else who'd like to write let them know.. help me get the word out.
from punksrule :
Some people deleted me as their favorite too. I don't know who it was though. I was pissed.
from punksrule :
Lol. um, your welcome. :P
from self-harm :
*hugs* thankyou <3 xxx
from punksrule :
Look, I changed it. Are you happy now? I just hate NIGGERS. So later.
from punksrule :
No, I don't think I can do it.
from be-my-heroin :
it's a quote from the bell jar. <3
from punksrule :
I really like your diary too. If you want you can add me. :) Well talk to you later. :P
from punksrule :
Hey. Well I unlocked my diary. I don't know why I locked it in the first place. It's My diary and I'll say what I want. Later! :)
from punksrule :
Yeah same here. And yes you can have it. But um,, I would write it here for you. But I don't want everyone to know. So do you have AIM? Cuz I'll tell ya on there. Well write back. And hey, do you really like my diary? I figured it would probably be boring. But anyways, talk to you later. :)
from punksrule :
Yes. I like this layout very much. So how have you been?
from randomsnark :
Hi, I just read your review at Quitenasty and am here to tell you they are full of shit. I got a review done the other day, and posted some of the things said in my diary, and about 9834739 people freaked out over it. She's a bitch, don't pay attention to her. You're just being you, being real, and that's the best thing in the world. Just keep writing.
from quitenasty :
Hello, your review is up at Quite Nasty.
from self-harm :
thankyou :) <3 xxx
from cherry-girl :
My name is Beth by the way.
from cherry-girl :
Okay then. Do you have MSN Messenger or AIM?
from cherry-girl :
Haha, thanks. Yes, he is mucho sexy. *smile* I may add you to my profile if ya don't mind. What's your name?
from tiphane :
I don't know who justina or jennifer are. I rarely tell anyone about my online diary unless they ask. Diaries are for people to vent frustration, that's what makes them so fun, so if I have problems I put it in my diary. I know nothing of justina or jennifer, or what they know about or think or care about, and whoever is writing me notes and criticizing me knows just as little of me. "Little girl"? That's funny, because neither of us knows how old the other is. I never asked anyone for advice or criticism, but if they want to give it that's fine. On the other hand, if people just want to vent frustrations me and and insult me that is just uncalled for.
from cherry-girl :
Love the layout. You also have a neat diary. The password and stuff to unlock mine is my and immortal if you feel liek visiting it.
from tiphane :
Why do you want to see them? You didn't seem to care all that much about what I had to say, or even to understand it for that matter.
from mysticstorms :
hi. i am one of the many weird people out there that came across your diary. i agree with you about the stupid people in this world.
from tiphane :
You're totally correct. They tell you one thing then display another. It's this problem of do as I say not as I do, or in this case, not as I show. But, not all models are blonde haired blue eyed, they are diverse, but always they are the "perfect" ideation of the population they represent. Notice how it's okay for Jennifer Lopez to have a "big" (it's not truthfully all that big) but a big ass, but if a white girl was up there with a big ass she'd probably be considered fat. J Lo is ethnic, it's okay for ethnic women to have curves, not white women, and how does that make me feel? I have a huge ghetto ass. But good for you for not allowing yourself to feel bad. Don't feel bad. I used to be one of those girls, it's not the way it seems in the pictures. Many of them are just as insecure as you or I, if not more so, because it is their job to try to be perfect. It's hard to maintain, and many of them don't last long. So if any one of us regular people ever hoped to try to look like that, we can take solace in the fact that those girls won't look like that for long and will never look that way again. Have you seen my old modeling pics? I'll show you if you want. It will make you feel better, because I am happier with myself now, ghetto ass included, than I was in those pictures when I looked so "perfect". hehe
from xcorruptionx :
Heh, no worries. Thanks for giving me the pass anyways. By the way I really like your layout.. and what they said was true. Your diary is rocking. Mylene <3<3
from xcorruptionx :
Hi, I've heard really great things about your diary from a few different people and I was really dissapointed to find it was locked. If you don't mind would you pretty please [[with a cherry on-top]] send me a username and password? You can email it to me [[ cookie_monster7@hotmail.com ]] or leave me a note with the username and password and I'll delete it afterwards. Thanks alot. Mylene <3<3
from x-quizite :
Hey. Don't be so hard on yourself; I added you to my favorites list a long time ago. I'd read your diary if I could. I'm sure your words can do great to this world; I can tell by the note you left me. Thank you so much. I thought I sounded like a corn ball, but it's all true... Thank you for taking the time to leave me a note. G'night.
from tiphane :
www.geocities.com/tiphane.geo It's fairly unimpressive, just pictures really.
from ifuckenhateu :
ahhh! my pass isn't working.
from versiveperve :
yes, i do realize the irony in what i said. but it has saved her life for the moment, and i think that's what matters to her. there's a very great chance that she wouldn't be here right now without it.
from versiveperve :
i know it wouldn't really help anything. it just seems so appealing at times. also, i have a friend who started smoking a year ago, and she says it's saved her life. i guess i was mostly thinking of her when i wrote that...
from ifuckenhateu :
thanks a bunch
from ifuckenhateu :
hey jen. i'm a dumbass and forgot my password and username. could i have them again. you can email them to me if you want. prettypunkkatt@netscape.net
from time-enough :
*blush* i'm glad you finally did sign... i wish i could read your diary too but it's locked! my email is "red_n_tangy_suga@hotmail.com" or my aol messenger is "youfeel likehome" your words were really too kind.
from slicemyheart :
...yes...it's quite frightening...
from razordreamer :
thanks! well i'm gonna go i'm tired for now but tomorrow i'll prolly be up early reading your diary.love-jess
from razordreamer :
you left me a note..:D ... i'd liek toread yuor dairy.. my email: precious_angel_51090@msn.com ....love-jess
from ifuckenhateu :
hey thanks for the name and password.
from quebrado :
Ack! I went to look at your diary, and it was locked! May I troulbe you for the password? If you don't want it posted somewhere, you can e-mail it to me of course... quebradobroken@yahoo.com
from versiveperve :
and i meant to say that you have excellent taste in music, books, movies... everything
from deathforme :
hi. i love to read your diary. thanks for even posting it. caus ei can see that other people in the world have similar thoughts. and you are just a really great writer.
from dig-deep :
No problem about the good review, you deserved it, I loved your diary, it's really good. I'll add you right now! Have a nice...Life I guess...lol.
from deathforme :
yeah, i fucking love MSI to death. i cant stand all those little pop bands. i read almost all of your entries though. and i think you are such a great writer. and i can understad how you feel about things.
from biohazardous :
thank you! <3
from fuckedupkidz :
check out this diary. it's me katt and my pal kendra.
from be-my-heroin :
yes, the eyeliners are ultimate. <3!!
from goth6angel :
Hi. I'm new here, and I stumbled upon your profile, and read some of your lovely entries. Feel free to read the few that I have so far. They aren't much, but it's a start.^_^ ~*goth6angel~

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