DiaryLand members area

Hello, I just wanted to let you know that I read your diary (the entire thing). I've been reading it for a couple of days, but I didn't want to leave a note (as you asked people to do) till I had finished.

from orgami :

love your diaryland name thats why I am stopping by not to be that way but to see the person who would lead into Diaryland like that and here you are well I am amazed I like your candour cant stay long today except to say I am just going through the diaryland list of members and writing as many as I can whom I think are special or stand out from the rest and you were one of them well must be going now Ciao for now Orgami...:)

from freaknuraw :

I do believe I have grown addicted to your diary. I have stayed up all night to read I suppose nearly half of your entries. I always feel as if I am imposing when reading diaries. I mean I do realize they are open for anyone to view... but still that is something that not many respect. I don't want to sound corny when saying this, but I really do enjoy your diary. You have so much to tell, and I just love every bit of it. So keep up what you already do. Take care, and I hope your having a wonderful day. Cheers, Jori

from emma25 :

Yay, so glad you are on your way back. Just hoping that you will share your password with me!

from nixtress :

I'm hoping you'll share the password for the new site?

from iwanttotell :

Woo-Hoo!

from second-love :

YIPEE! I've missed you (and so has sam *smile*)

from tiragem :

So you're ambivalent, huh? I'm sure that the grand majority, if not of all of you readers, wish that when you return to diaryland, you would stay for a good while. A good while is a pretty long time. Do you expect to be ambivalent for that long? Or is it that when you move to a different phase of your life you will move to a different plot on diaryland as well?

from avalonte :

Yay!!!!!!! I'm so glad you decided to stick around!! I've missed you! And thanks so much for your notes of late! x

from enondoiel :

I'm sure your daughter will be much better in making the right decisions when she's my age :) She's got a wise Dad, after all. As for my Mom (I don't understand why I didn't get that you meant her eyes... I'm a dork), she's doing good. Her eyesight isn't all cleared up yet, but she's okay. Thanks for asking :)

from tiragem :

It's neither here nor there. I don't think anyone is supposed to *truly* enjoy their job, and I don't. On the other hand, I'm really glad with the choice I've made with respect to my career because I do like auditing despite it having that much-hated quality of being work. A lot of work. Tonnes of work. Tonnes carried by eighteen wheelers. That constantly get flat tires. I'm glad I made the choice though... Sorry that I ain't in tax!!

from enondoiel :

Kevin! Yay! You're still there :) About my Mom, I think everything's okay. I mean, it's not every day you find out your 18 year-old daughter has lied about being somewhere else when she's actually been in Berlin with a 35 year-old man, but considering those circumstances, I think we're doing good. I guess it'll always be there in the back of her mind, but I can only pray she's forgiven me and will let it go. How would you have reacted, being a parent and all? You're allowed to yell :)

from lilfoxyvixen :

Just wanted to leave a quick note: You are missed and I hope things are well with you, my dland first.

from nmnohr :

I was just catching up, and surprised to see you gone. I truly hope you come back, I'll miss reading. But most of all, I hope that you find happiness.

from tiragem :

Yes, you quite possibly were that White tourist - a tourist that has left our shores, and now, it seems, the pages of Diaryland. At least for a while. You certainly will be missed for however long you decide to leave. I'm not quite certain what to say with respect to your adulterous ways however. What you said in "The End" is a lot of what it boils down to. So I guess it's goodbye for now? (And that entry you wrote about the tsunami... absolutely brilliant).

from iwanttotell :

I felt this coming, and I will miss you. I believe your diary was my first favorite, and that you were the first to list me as favorite as well. I know this is difficult for you, but at the same time, isn't it a bit of a relief? I'm coming to know that in my own situation. If anything, these adulterous experiences teach us not to judge others harshly, having walked in their shoes. I wish you well, and hope feverishly that you join us again; it would not the the same without you.

from chickpea981 :

as ridiculously cliche as it is to quote a song, I must: "every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end"

from emma25 :

You will be greatly missed! I hope to hear from you soon. Take care of yourself.

from sweet-cynic :

i've been a silent reader as well. wanted to thank you for a different perspective. i've gained a lot reading your journal and i too hope to continue reading about your life.

from nixtress :

*sigh* I've been a silent reader for quite some time, reading not only for the story of your complicated loves, but also for your thoughts and your take on life, period. I'm going to miss reading your diary and hope that you'll share with us your new diary. Thank you for the insight and I hope to continue reading of your journey.

from lillymoon :

DAMN IT, I just started reading. I am still trying figure it all out! NO dont go,there are still so many questions left answered!Well, thanks for being there when you were. It reminded me soo much of a situation very similar. I was 21 and he was 30 and married. He and I still talk to this day. It has been 10 years and he still can make me smile. We haven't been together like that in 4 yrs but he always still tries. You will be missed.

from d1mndn3r0ugh :

Please know that I did not mean to offend you in any way. Believe me, I know what it's like to be in your shoes as well, but the "other side of the fence" has been more painful and hard to understand/overcome. Thank you for the note. It was certainly unexpected...it also says a great deal about the type of person you must truly be (a decent man I'm assuming) and I respect you for it. Good luck to you.

from betchy :

well, just make sure you let me know who you are when you pop up again. until then i will keep you on the list as you are now, and change it when you return. thanks for all the wonderful entries x

from krugerpak007 :

Ohhhhhhhhhh noooooooooo. I have to agree with everyone else. Please be back and notify us. You are going to be so missed! xoxox Kathy

from second-love :

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh CRAP! I'm not nearly as understanding and supportive as X... im more with Avalonte...your insight has been invaluable to me and i will miss it on this topic - but i DO get what you are trying to do. What i truly appreciate about you is your willingness to be truthful with yourself (something Sam obviously lacks) and ADMIT the damage that has been cause even though Lynn DIDNT find out. There IS a smugness "we" who love 2 have... we think its not affecting anyone else. But it IS... it is affecting US and that in turn affects those we love and care about. Good luck, my friend... please let me know where you land. XXXX0000

from demanda :

i am heartbroken that you are going away. i looked forward to reading your diary everyday. you are such an eloquent writer and i thoroughly enjoyed reading what you had to say. i found your diary one day when i was bored at work and looking for something to read. after reading one entry, i had to go and read all of them. i wish you the best!good luck...hope to read more from you soon.

from heelandlass :

Ah well, once you know the pubs in the Burgh, everything else fits in perfectly around them don't you think? Sorry you're taking a break from things. I have been reading through your archive - bit of a rollercoaster eh? Hope you do come back as someone else and let me know will you? Heeland Lass xx

from ponfarr :

I'm sorry to hear that you're leaving us. I hope you'll continue writing, either here or in another "persona", as I've enjoyed reading your work greatly. But of course, you must do what's best for you. I wish you well!

from avalonte :

NOOOOOOOOOO!! Kevin I'm going to miss you so much! Dave is going to suffer now because I won't have such an insight to his side of things!! I may give him a hard time, but it would be a lot worse if I didn't have you there to read and help me see things from your/his perspective! However, I can completely understand your need to close this chapter and move on. I really hope you start up a new diary. You're a great writer, and we'll all miss you!!

from x-plicity :

Changes are good sometimes. Sending lots of *hugs* and I hope to read you in another form very soon!!!!

from heelandlass :

Hey AK, thanks for the note. Do you mean elipses as in the grammatical or elipses as in somebody's diary? Confused. But there's nothing unusual there....So anyway, you lived in Edinburgh in the 80s? You probably wouldn't recognise the place now. Change change change.

from second-love :

interesting combination of relationship stuff and the political *grin*... you ARE multi-talented *smile*

from tiragem :

It seems everyone is talking about foreskin these days - they were discussing circumcision on the radio a couple of days ago. And interesting questions you've asked on that topic.. I've sometimes wondered about the purpose of foreskin myself. I don't know the answer to any of your questions, but now I feel the urge to look these things up. Fabulous... more things to procrastinate.

from krugerpak007 :

That is scary. Thats one thing that has always scared me. I am glad I locked up.I hope locking helps. Be careful. You would be missed.xoxoxo Kathy

from second-love :

Oh believe me... if your company has even the beginnings of a decent IT department, they can monitor everything that you are doing. That is how i had that trouble at the church when they printed out my yahoo instant message conversations with Sam...AND one of the pastors got fired there cuz they monitored his email and website use. So be CAREFUL!

from iwanttotell :

I'm hearing more & more of this-people getting in hot water on the job for internet misuse. I've been a little paranoid ever since one of my 'adult content' reads has been filtered. Sometimes you wonder how much 'they' know about you. I hope you're wrong and that no one is the wiser.

from avalonte :

Aaarrrggghhh!!!!!!!! We don't want to lose you! I hope you manage to keep updating from home! I hope your boss hasn't discovered you! Fingers crossed, lovely! Have a good weekend! xx

from puppetgirl :

I'm fine. He wasn't much of a catch and I've been too busy working to even miss the mediocre sex.

from betchy :

Jo is right about all willies being different. if you read my last two entries you will know that i have seen more than my fair share. ha! anyway, i have known a few to pull back on their own, but not many. you are definately a dying breed!

from pretty-pussy :

the shower is also my thinkings spot. and to be honest, i also have wondered several times about circumcision and have debated it with people. i really cant come up with an expilnation for it. and female circumcision is just crazy. i think we should all teach our little boys to clean their penis and do away with circumcision. the only reason some women find it odd is because its not something they are used to seeing. if it were more standard, women wouldnt think twice about seeing a natural penis.

from second-love :

hmmmm i think Dave is enjoying the sudden power he has by now having an "outside interest" that makes Jo wonder. The guy sounds like a nut... his COUSIN??? YUCK! Even if it IS an innocent "family connection"... just the fact that he makes it SEEM like its something else is just creepy!

from second-love :

You are sooooooo SMART to guess that was a date! Yes 5/5/89 is when my hubby and i got together!

from krugerpak007 :

Just wanted to wish you a good 2005. I hope its better and good for all of us! xoxox Kathy

from tiragem :

To everyone who has told me "happy new year" thus far, I've responded "what's so happy about it?". But to you, I'll be nice - "many happy returns".

from second-love :

Man... my typing is so bad tonight... might be the beer :)))) What i mis-typed is that i WASNT necessarily directing it at you... sorry!!!! And... im curious... what is YOUR vote??? *grin*

from second-love :

Hey sweetie... it was necessarily directed at your personally... but from a variety of diaries i've read. I DO understand what you meant and actually i appreciate your way of expressing your point of view more than anyone else i read. I hope you weren't offended because i meant nothing personal by it. There are a couple of diaries i read that just have grated on me and i guess i felt it was time for the "other side" :)))) I DO know this year will be better... for BOTH of us. Happy New Year hon... *hugs* XXX

from sexyatheist :

from one atheist to another, i couldn't agree with you more.

from sanetwin :

I saw the tsunami in the same light as you. I'm an atheist as well. It should reinforced the argument against a divine being for me.

from frisky-girl :

Thanks for adding me back! :) I'm loving your diary so far, also.

from second-love :

Happy New Year sweetie... you have been one of the BEST parts of my 2004 - thanks for all you have done for me this year. Here's to a better 2005 for us BOTH!!! *hugs*

from enondoiel :

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to you too! May the best moments of 2004 be the worst of 2005 :)

from bare-my-soul :

Happy New Year~

from krugerpak007 :

Merry Christmas Kev. Hope it all goes well, and everything with Jo and Lynn pan out. I know its hard. Hang in there. xoxoxo

from second-love :

Merry Christmas to you too, friend :)))

from betchy :

glad you had fun at your party. have a great christmas xxx

from cinamonjaide :

Hi Since you are on my buddy list, I figured I would give you the link to my message board community. It's a laid back place with a few online friends. You are welcomed to join if you want. If not, that's fine, but I wanted to extend the invitation and let you know you would be welcomed. Here is the addy: http://groups.msn.com/ShovemeintheshallowwaterbeforeIgettoodeep

from heelandlass :

Funnily enough - Dirty Dicks is a place I went to when I was having a wee fling with someone many many moons ago - you're right it's perfect for snuggling up over some vino tinto or spicy rum. Mmmmm. It is still there, you'll be glad to hear. The thing is, Rose Street is a pretty rubbish place to go for a drink if you're a local - always getting hit on, loads of hen/stag parties. BUT - Dirty Dicks is a great wee hidey hole. Might have to pay it a visit actually! In case I don't get a chance to say this again - have a happy christmas and of course - a happy new year xxx

from avalonte :

Yes indeed, it was great to finally see you!! Thanks for that! I did reply to your email but it bounced back for some reason. Merry Christmas!! xx

from lildebkitty :

My step son had the MMR and onset his autism. The decision to risk autism verses measles or mumps is a tough one. But having to have a child institutionalized later in life depending on the severity of the autism is frightening!

from avalonte :

I had the MMR and I'm 31! It came in when I was a baby! Anyway, I hope he doesn't get measles, too! It's very serious and can be fatal. Hope Lynne feels better soon! *hugs*

from x-plicity :

Hope Lynne feels better. *hugs*

from iwanttotell :

This seems to be one of those times where going forward means redefining the word 'forward'. I guess the old addage, "Time heals all wounds" is all one can offer here. It's certain things will never be the same, and that's sad. It was beautiful while it lasted, though. Enjoy the Holiday.

from sexycreature :

I just wanted to say that I'm sorry I wrote about you in my diary. I deleted it. Also, I don't necessarily think that you are smug and uncaring, but I do wonder if your betrayal, even if Lynne doesn't know about it, doesn't hurt your marriage. One last thing. It's too bad that Jo doesn't have a good marriage like you do. It really puts things off balance, and is surely the source of discontent between you and her.

from second-love :

thanks sweetie... i know it will *smile*

from enondoiel :

[email protected] And: Thank you :)

from second-love :

I'm doing "ok". Im taking one day at a time. I'm just afraid that so much damage and hurt has been done that there is no hope in salvaging anything close to what we once had. I see the inevitable... and i see it so clearly in you and Jo and what has happened between the two of you. Its like seeing a slow motion picture of my life - and there's nothing i can do to stop it. XXX000

from avalonte :

No, you definitely didn't send it. I'd love to see it though, pretty please!!!! As for the Geordie thing, every time I see or hear the word conjunctivitis, I imagine it in a Geordie accent, since you wrote a while back something like "imagine trying to say conjunctivitis with a Geordie accent!" Made me smile at the time, and still does!!

from avalonte :

I'm with X, anger is a whole lot easier to deal with. Don't take it so personally. Although you have caused it in a way, it's more of a coping mechanism than an actual reaction to you. And you're right, once she's in that state of mind, there's nothing you can say to get her out of it. Whatever you say will just be misconstrued and add fuel to her fire. reading those emails I can soooo relate to her! But while having the added benefit of knowing where you're coming from at the same time. The thing is, she knows too! But knowing you care about her and feel the same doesn't help her. That just makes her sad about the way things are. So she has to try to convince herself you're a bastard so she can channel all that sadness and heartache into anger towards you. I know you probably know all this, but I thought I'd share anyway!

from second-love :

What X says is exactly right. Jo is me. This is Sam's main complaint that i constantly throws what he feels to be unwarranted anger his way. But it IS the only way to deal with what we know to be reality... we cant have you and we dont think you feel the hurt or lonliness as much as we do because you appear to live your lives effortlessly without us. You do not wear your pain on your sleeve like we do. So we lash out - we WANT you to hurt like we do.

from x-plicity :

Sometimes it's easier to think that you don't care. It's a defense mechanism. "If you don't care about me, then I can hate you for it." Anger is a whole lot easier to deal with.

from second-love :

"Lesson learned. Some things, sometimes, although they feel natural, are just not right.............. No point in test-driving the car you can�t afford." - perfect... and SOOOOOOO true.

from cinamonjaide :

My second diary addy. I had to lock the other one, and I could only give the password to 9 people. Here is my other diary addy. http://cinnamon1j.diaryland.com/ Please add me.

from second-love :

perfect.

from avalonte :

Oh, and I agree with others, I think you should show us a photo of yourself so that we can decide for ourselves if there's a Hugh Grant similarity! I'm confused though, do you have a Home Counties accent or Geordie accent?

from avalonte :

I know how Jo feels. That entry meant soooo much to me. That's where we are right now, sort of. As much as we both feel drawn to each other, I can't let things go too far because I can't deal with the emotional consequences at the moment. I love your analogy of not test-driving the car you can't afford! So apt!

from enondoiel :

She sometimes looks at me with some sort of disbelief or just plain sadness, and that stings. I guess the worst feeling for me is knowing I've made her sad. I don't think I ever have before, and it sickens me that I did it just to... have sex. Meh. On to something else: You look like Hugh Grant??? I want to see a picture! Pretty please?

from x-plicity :

Oh, come now! You are a TOTAL shoe in for Hugh Grant!!

from lemonsparkle :

not at all! there was a time, before Mr D, when I was in a similar situation - twice. i know what it feels like, you'd be surprised! :)

from omnipre5ence :

What's new with you? =)

from vanoonoo :

I hadn't imagined you as the karaoke type!

from lemonsparkle :

surprised? why?

from sanetwin :

So you have the endearing mumbling Hugh Grant does??

from omnipre5ence :

Hi.

from iwanttotell :

That's really creepy for lack of a better word. I bet you have theories as to who it could be and what they're after, but surely you can set a trap of some sort and catch the creep? Lotsa luck.

from second-love :

Thanks for the reminder.

from avalonte :

Oh my god, how scary!! Hopefully it's just a lot of coincidences and an over-active guilty conscience!! My fingers are crossed for you anyway! xx

from iwanttotell :

Hopefully nobody saw anything incriminating. I have a few pix of Dennis that I keep taped face down in my personal address book at work. If found, there'd be NO question as to the nature of our relationship if you know what I mean. I don't think there's any chance of Phil ever finding them, but I often wonder what would happen if something happened to me and the office manager gave all my stuff to him. Good Luck!

from bare-my-soul :

I don't understand why anyone at your job would go through your belongings. is there anyone who is friends with your wife?

from x-plicity :

Yikes! Who would possibly want to go through your stuff?

from pipersplace :

Thanks for making me a favorite. That was sweet of you. I look forward to reading your diary. You must have interesting insights on relationships.

from betchy :

just popped into a net cafe and wanted to sat thanks for the note. also, i know i should go through your archives but until i get a computer at home i dont have time, but how long all in all have you and Jo been seeing each other?

from pretty-pussy :

thanks for adding me to your favorites! your diary seems interesting as well, ill be adding you to my list. :)

from avalonte :

Tell me about it. I'm happy to receive comments and different points of view, but not when they don't know the full history and full facts!! Last Friday was indeed freezing! I wrote an entry talking about how K and I went walking in the heavy falling snow! Even here in the sunny south we didn't escape the cold spell! Anyway, hope you have (had!) a great weekend of laddish-ness!! x

from second-love :

I find it curious that people continue to brow beat you about YOUR choices... and whats funny is... THEY make the choice to continue reading. Why dont they just CLOSE that diary if they dont agree. I tend to think its because they are unable to fully admit their OWN humanity and failings. I chose to look at your entry as far more mundane and sweet. Perhaps that is because i can relate so well to the circumstances of your life and how even the smallest choices DO make an enormous difference.

from sanetwin :

I didn't think your entry yesterday was anything like the anonymous commenter said. It struck me as a tangling of fates, as normal circumstances bringing you together. There was no patting yourself on the back at all!

from second-love :

I love looking back in time. Sam and i often reflect on our 20 years of knowing each other. He is actually better at the details then me... he can remember just what i was wearing the first time he saw me! I was only 18 or 19 then...so long ago *smile*. Thanks for the sweet entry... and i think you made the RIGHT choice all those years ago! *hugs*

from sanetwin :

I believe you may be right about Mary Bell. I actually looked her up online after reading that little snippet because I had never heard of her before. They didn't even relate the story of hte deaths correctly. The first boy was found with pills near him and he had no marks to show foul play. The second boy she strangled. The rest, the comments about her mom, were not even really brought out until she wrote a book years later.

from sexyatheist :

it seems that men who grow up watching their father verbally or physically abuse their mother grow up to verbally and physically abuse their partner. especially if it's basically the only relationship they see. not always of course, but there is definitely a pattern

from second-love :

hmmmmmmm i do believe i would be in the "horrible warning" category... i think the fact my oldest sweetie has turned out so well is a prime example that Shaw's statement is true :)

from sanetwin :

My therapist (and several psychology books I've read) all claim that most of your personality has been formed by the time you are five or six. Your coping mechanisms, your responses to people, etc. I don't know if I exactly agree, but with me a good deal of it applies. My mother was.... not the best of parents and I have learned to cope in many many ways because of her treatment. I had no father figure to empathise with, perhaps it would have been different if I did. What you said about and Oedipal empathetic connection makes sense though.

from pornoviolent :

wow, i was really high when i wrote that

from x-plicity :

No, I have not. Is it good?

from x-plicity :

I see you were ambushed by pornoviolent. lol He's one of my favorites. He's so out there sometimes. *grin* He basically picks diaries and leaves a novel in their notes. too funny. *hugs*

from iwanttotell :

I echo Kathy's sentiments. I'm wondering if this could be about Jo?

from krugerpak007 :

Thanks for sharing that with us. I hope you are doing ok! xoxox

from pornoviolent :

why, this is interesting. for, methingk i spy something of alive past lived lingering on into this world, wreaking havoc at will. indeed, the time shall come to pass, and the priests and priestesses, so peacefully slumbering, must be made to wake and ascend to their duty. for this world as we know it is dire turmoil. most may not see it, or recognize it, but it is brewing beneath the surface at an alarmlinglay fast pace. what can we do? if you feel the call of a priest or monk or priestess cry out for guidance and it shall guide you. remember, honor your body. warrior monks must train very vigouriously to get their physique. oh no, i must depart. i hope i have relayed enouhgh of this message so that the information will be sufficient. remember, call out for those that can and will help you. cry out!!

from avalonte :

Of course you'd be welcome on the weekend! You know you're an honourary "one of the girls"!! Yes, I loved Mary Barton! I find North And South a little more trite. Glad I've found another Gaskell aficianado! x

from second-love :

You NEVER get in the way!!! :))) consider the invitation extended *hugs*

from krugerpak007 :

and more hugs...xoxox

from x-plicity :

*hugs*

from tiragem :

Oh! But diaryland is a fabulous place for politics! I just love that entry you wrote about the American elections. It's been a while since I've left an entry feeling disappointed only because I wanted to read even more about the writer's thoughts on the matter. I just agree whole-heartedly with what you said - invading countries that one considers the breeding ground for terrorism is not going to solve the problem! Such action will only be deemed agression and will act as fodder to encourage even more people to extremism. >Look at how these Americans are invading your homeland. They care nothing for you. Force shall be met with force.< *Shrugs* And it's not as if living outside of America means we're not affected by their elections... with the world's only remaining superpower being so aggressive and unilateral in their approach to global politics, well... we're *all* fucked.

from avalonte :

Thanks sweetheart, but I'm exactly the same age my mum was when she had hers! So, it is perfectly feasible. But thanks for the wishes that it's something else. To be honest, I'm perfectly happy for it to be the menopause. No periods, no babies. Bliss! I just hope I don't grow a moustache! x

from second-love :

Sweetie...while you and X were involved in all this to a degree, it was neither one of your faults. It was mine. You two only tried to help at MY request or at Sam's. In no way do i feel like either one of you are to blame. There were many times when i questioned whether i should post certain things. I should have gone with my gut feeling. But its imperative that he feels like he can trust me. And over the last year, the diary has come up more than once. He told me he is NOT asking me to lock it up... that i can keep doing what im doing but just not write anything that is personal to him. Well, for myself, i dont want to have to analyze every entry... i need to be able to write whats in my heart cuz this diary HAS been my therapy. Its also my way of keeping a written record of events. I hope you will keep in touch and i will always keep reading...you have helped me more than anyone - you and X. I guess we are all transitioning into different phases, aren't we? And i will post occasionally just to let everyone know how things are going... thanks again sweetie *hugs*

from sexyatheist :

i couldn't agree with you more. i have to say that i liked us much better when we were isolationists and didn't want to get involved in other countries business. and you are damn right about osama's tape. he will be quite content with bush back in office.

from ssteedman :

You are, of course, dead right.

from puppetgirl :

My state hasn't gone Democratic in a presidential election since 1964. I'm afraid Bush will win the electoral college again this time around and lose the popular vote by a thin enough margin that he'll try to slither back into office on the backs of his lawyers. I could stick my head in the sand and live with another four years of Bush, but I don't want to. So I'm digging out my voter registration card on Tuesday and going to my old elementary school to vote. Maybe Kerry will win. Stranger things have happened. (After all, the Red Sox won the world series.)

from second-love :

Certainly America (and its leaders)have made some stupid decisions throughout history. And as a super power, we certainly have a crucial responsiblity to make the best choices. But i find it laughable that people honestly believe that if Kerry is elected we will have a safer world. On one hand he promises that he will do different than Bush...he cant support this ill-founded war... then in the next breath he says he WILL do whatever it takes to protect the american people... AND he thinks he can do that ALL without spending a dime hahahahahaha how laughable. Yes... the timing of Bin Ladens "warning" is amazing...but he would like nothing better than to "scare" the American people into electing Kerry...if that happens God help us all.

from chickpea981 :

i already voted by way of absentee ballot but i like reading what you have to say. yes, it IS an american decision but since we're a country who has out heads up everyone elses asses, its good to see ho wother countries feel. Thanks for sharing.

from krugerpak007 :

Glad she is feeling better. I do think though that you guys are very very discreet. Gosh, I just stand and have a cigarette with someone outside and already rumours fly around the office. Not only about me, but about everyone. I have given up. Now I like to give them things to talk about.... Anyway hope you are doing ok, have a good weekend. xoxox

from second-love :

OH GOOD GOD!! You and Sam... cut from the same cloth...must be why i like you so much :))))))

from x-plicity :

I'm only writing in x-plicity now and I locked xperi-mental because abe's wife found it. so...yeah. XX

from lilfoxyvixen :

email me sometime, I'll tell ya :)

from krugerpak007 :

I hope Jo feels better soon. I can't remember if I e-mailed you my password or not, so drop me a line if I haven't. Take care Kev. xoxo Kathy

from sanetwin :

I am glad that she isn't in any life-threatening or baby-life-threatening position right now, but hope she feels better soon.

from sexyatheist :

i actually haven't seen all of "high fidelity" so i don't quite get your reference

from tiragem :

I would say you play a far greater role in a soap opera than you would have yourself believe. And try not to worry too much - the anxiety of what might have happened usually exceeds the actuality of what has occured... most of the time, anyways... and hopefully now. As for my nipples... well, it's amazing what body lotion can do.

from betchy :

geez, i hope that jo is ok. i am sure she is, i expect its difficult to contact you. was gutted about arsenal. of all the f***in teams to stop our unbeaten run! man u-f***ing-nited. grrr.

from enondoiel :

I hate that feeling of not knowing. It's such a frustrating position to be in, because you really want to know if the person's okay, and then you're not sure whether that person wants you to check on him/her or not... But I'm sure she'll get in touch with you soon and have a good reason :) So you're a non-smoker too? I have to say the ban is a real blessing, both healthwise and smellwise (I no longer reek of smoke after a night out!). Seeing as how you're such good friends with America, I'm sure you'll get the ban soon too (they are, after all, lovin' it).

from iwanttotell :

It's probably nothing more than she's been staying in bed not feeling well. You know that's always the case when we get ourselves all lathered up into a good worry. Perhaps you'll hear from her today. Weren't you the one whose shoulder she cried on when her other pregnancy failed? I would think if that was the case, she'd have already been in contact with you for support. Hang in there-I'm sure it's not as bad as you fear. Hugs

from vanoonoo :

hey you :)

from lilfoxyvixen :

thank you, my first read

from sanetwin :

I think I agree with second love> It seems like she is using her preg. as a way to heal herself after she is hurt by you. As a way to fill her life where you are missing from it. It could lead to some very hurt feelings, empty feelings later. Or not. She could actually FILL herself in the way she needs with the children and in turn learn to be happy because of it. I hope for the latter. I hope she has an easy pregnancy and that she carries the baby full term this time.

from second-love :

Im not sure how i feel about this (not that how i feel matters). On one hand, if she WANTS another baby, then im happy for Jo. But if she is just attempting to "create" a "normal" family situation to help reduce the pain and loss of not having you... then i worry about her AND her children. Not necessarily now, but later in life when possibly she realizes that her marriage and kids (which im SURE she loves...i dont doubt that for a sec) were a bandaid for a very large wound. *hugs*

from second-love :

hmmmmmmmmmmmm man... you two were HOT... what i wouldnt give for ONE NIGHT... no wait... one HOUR of something like THAT with Sam... whewwwwwwwwwww!

from second-love :

hmmmmmm i hope everything is ok with her...

from x-plicity :

I hope everything is ok. *hugs*

from second-love :

hahaahahha -well i gave up "normal" a year ago... no.. not that weird - we meet from 5-6 to talk about our stock trading and just chit chat about what we did the night before. It has just become "our time". But we DO watch business news for an hour while we talk and discuss our trading strategy for the day... then we shower from 6-6:30...market opens for us here at 6:30 am - ahahahaahah i know, its wacky... but its our thing.*grin*

from x-plicity :

Wow...OMG...I guess I'm speechless. Sorry hon, for both of you.

from krugerpak007 :

Oy!

from chaosdaily :

dang did you use a condom on that phone???

from iwanttotell :

Aaaah, geez-big mistake!

from second-love :

OMG!!!!! Does she think it will make things BETTER by having MORE kids with that jackass???

from ssteedman :

...the burning million-dollar question being: pregnant - by who's sperm?

from betchy :

oh my god!!!!! what makes you think that?

from enondoiel :

It is! Cool, huh? :)

from second-love :

I know several people who have had the eye surgery including my husband, sister and first hubby's wife... all were VERY successful and ALL very glad they had it done. Very little recovery time and very little discomfort, if any. GO for it!!! *hugs*

from sexyatheist :

my boyfriend has leakage. almost every time he gets an erection. so unless you both are weird, it seems normal to me.

from tiragem :

Alas! But only for a month. I've only been transferred to the tax department until the end of this month. Then I'll be out on my first audit... I'm still hoping to be an auditor and freelance author though, but then it all comes back to balancing hope with delusion, right?

from betchy :

yep. definately get that!

from iwanttotell :

Yep~Thought I coined the term precum. It's yummy too!

from lilchar :

most men i've had leak... i like it, lol...

from sweet-cynic :

yeah, i always thought it as precum too. it happens to my boyfriend as well.

from chickpea981 :

I'm not a guy obviously, but all the guys I know have that trouble. Used to laugh at my cousins bitching about it. They always just said that was pre-cum.

from krugerpak007 :

Sorry I can't help you there...I don't understand how you and Jo have so much restraint. That is something I definitely don't have unfortunately! xoxox Kathy

from second-love :

Congrats to your brother AND to you :) *hugs*

from krugerpak007 :

Mazal Tov!

from avalonte :

Congratulations on the arrival of your neice! I'm sure she is beautiful! What the hell is perfect anyway?! I'm sorry she'll need an op, and I wish her well for that. *hugs*

from therertimes :

Yep, in reference to AB! I think it woulda added a wee bit o' fun to the ceremony.

from therertimes :

When the bride to be was asked "Do you take this man...".. did she respond with "Only if I had two heads!"?

from therertimes :

Yes, disgusted.. I've an awful addiction to snooping and reading every entry of yours only proved it. Hmmm okay... not disgusted.

from bare-my-soul :

kevin, i thought i had given you the password. i sent it to [email protected]. regardless, i am no longer password protected. have a great day!!! love rose

from iwanttotell :

I, personally, don't think there's anything wrong with phone sex between 'friends'. The question is, how do you and Jo feel about it?

from therertimes :

Every. Single. Entry. I read, from the beginning. Ugh, disgusted with myself and my eyes are tearing from staring at the screen for so long.. kudos to you! I'm hooked.

from avalonte :

Sorry, I just realised I never got around to answering your question! The reason I'm friends with some F1 drivers and team bosses etc, is because my dad worked in F1! I did mention that in an entry a couple of months ago. I used to go to lots of functions, balls, dinners, etc with that set. In fact, remember I told you I'd been to Lords for the Jaguar unveiling? Anyway, yeah, so that's how I know that crowd. Hope you're having a good weekend! x

from list-alive :

Hello, I've recently opened a new listing site, and I would like to list you!

from second-love :

ahhhhhh thanks... man of few words... just like Sam... no wonder i love ya!

from bambinodoll :

::shudders:: ..I can't get enough of this man. Lucky Jo. ..I tell ya.

from second-love :

Am i forgiven???? PLEASE??? The silence is deafening...

from lilfoxyvixen :

Awww.... thanks for nice comments.. Thank you my first read! Ciao, Me

from second-love :

Just read your entry. AWESOME analogy... Sam is gonna LOVE that. He's BIG on analogies!!!!!I get it and you are right. THANK YOU for saving me AGAIN. LOVE YA!!!!

from second-love :

NO hon... im sorry. Forgive me for being so nasty. I DO want your interference!!! Now you see what Sam has to put up with. You are RIGHT! I DO fluctuate more then him. FORGIVE ME! XXXXX00000

from second-love :

Ok wait... that was a nasty little note i just left you. Im sorry - i shouldn't take my frustration out on you. I'm just trying really hard to figure out anymore what those things are that we both do enjoy. I guess im tired of being his "toy" when he wants me for that, and then putting me back "onto the shelf" until he's ready to play again. Its impossible to NOT be confused living this way. But THANK YOU sweets for being here and for the note. I DO always appreciate your perspective. Be crossin your fingers for me today... i have a feeling its going to be another doosey of a "get together".

from second-love :

Oh... ok, fine. I get it. The least common denominator. Yes, the whole "expectation" thing... i shouldn't have any. I keep forgetting. Just "enjoy" the "bonus"... dont look forward to anything, oh and yeah, one other thing - don't believe anything he says.

from betchy :

i am only a new reader and havent had a chance to go through the archives yet, but do you love jo? and if you do, do you love her as much as, or more than your wife? and if you do then how come you never took that step and got together? if its too hard to explain, just point out the main entries that exlain it and i will read those x

from x-plicity :

OH MY! I think you made me blush. *grin* I'll try not to take EVERY offer...try being the key word there. lol!!!

from betchy :

yep 8 doubles! and that was a quiet night!

from iwanttotell :

I still can't imagine the pain-seeing her all the time, working side by side. I wonder if it gets easier? You're right that her taking the other position could be the right thing to do at this point.

from second-love :

I'm afraid you havent seen the end of the backlash. There will always be controversy over "titles" and what they mean. And i think the suggestion of the new job possibility is ANOTHER way for her to see if you are going to ask her to stay with you. And you do like Sam, you want whats best for her, so you encourage her to do whats best for HER...this feels like rejection to us. Sam does it to me all the time. Every time he acts all "happy" about something for me that will ultimately take my time from him or whatever... i feel rejected. Another difference i think, between men and women. Our neediness and emotion make us more "selfish" if that makes sense.

from second-love :

I only WISH it were a euphemism!!!! hahahahahaahah nope... regular old yogurt... and not even a CLASSY one... we park in the far end of the costco parking lot... walk ALL THE WAY to the window, order, walk ALL the way back, eat, leave. ahahahahaahahaha arent we exciting???? *grin* (and he wonders why i get desperate for 'other' kinds of activities...)

from second-love :

As volatile as they come!!!! Damn... i wouldn't want to be SAM for all the money on EARTH! *grin*... but i learn more about myself every time this happens...we learn alot about each other too... so ultimately, if he can put up with me, we may survive!

from enondoiel :

Honestly? I don't think it'll ever work. But I can't help but feeling like I have to try. Maybe I'm a masochist... But no. I derive no pleasure from being let down by that man. How are you doing? Because through your writing it seems like you're coping pretty well, but if it's really love it must be painful? Or is it just the sex which is "gone"?

from bambinodoll :

Never a problem ...::sly grin:: It's always a pleasure finding someone with a sorted experience similar to one's own. ::winks:: I look forward to hearing more.

from x-plicity :

I always hated how Abe was treated by his wife during a crisis or when he was under the weather. It's only natural to want to take care of the people we love...which makes me wonder about Lynn's reaction. I really don't know much about her so I will not pass judgement, I'm just curious if this is a trate that she has always had.

from chaosdaily :

is your story about kevin the same idea as this diary? about a man who had an affair?? then is this diary just part of the story, and fiction instead of truth??!!?!?!?!

from second-love :

Hmmmm not sure if you guys are ready emotionally to "screw around"... to much feeling there still right on top. And if i know Jo (and her and i seem to be VERY similar...) she is in a period of "feeling good" hormonally or otherwise - and when you feel like that, EVERYTHING is wonderful. You also feel like you can handle anything that comes your way emotionally... BUT what will happen again is the resentment in a week or two when things shift, and you will be back where you started. You would be doing her no favors by giving in to her advances... at least not yet. I was starting to wonder if I was the only one that had crappy weekends - so spill it... i want to know about someone elses lousy time... maybe it will make me feel better! *grin*

from ssteedman :

This is ridiculous...I could hunt for months for someone to have an affair with, and I'd end up a dry old bachelor. You seem to have it coming to you... What is it, South African women? Sheesh!

from yakkety-yak :

shagging in the toilets is fun though!

from second-love :

Amen to that brother! When its smooth... it is OH SO FINE - but when its not... WATCH OUT!

from realminto :

Hi Kevin. Just to let you know that all those hits in your stats are me trying to catch up with your diary. Wish I'd known about it sooner.

from second-love :

One of the things that would be good (or bad?) if anything happened between Sam and I is that we DONT work together and would probably never have any reason to see each other again. Painful just to think about.

from artofliving :

I'm super proud of you. you're doing great. let me know if you ever need anything.

from second-love :

hahahahahahah aren't we pathetic??? we always laugh at ourselves when we find ourselves DEEP in conversation about other people clear across the world. I think he just identifies with you and her WAY more than he cares to admit *grin*

from bare-my-soul :

this should be a novel!

from stupidmen :

Had he stayed on a bit longer I would have asked him how exactly one emails a piece of paper or if he's such a great designer, why not create a poll or something? Alas, he hated my ass right quick after that.

from sanetwin :

I think I like the image where you are just together. . and happy the best, after all of those sexy and sensuous portrayels of your times together. You have such a vivid way of reconstructing it, I don't know how you can even deal with remembering them.

from second-love :

Thanks for your concern...im sorta worried about me too. I don't like feeling so flat. I think that by working at NOT expecting anything with Sam, i have completely let go of any hope which really is what used to give me joy. AND i really am an extrovert... outgoing, speak first and think later sorta person... but i am so careful now. In some ways i have grown so much but in other ways, i have lost parts of myself. But i am polarized to do anything. I dont like ANY of the options. And i would be devastated if he had to do what you have had to do with Jo. I don't know. Im just trying to intellectually process something that is completely emotionally charged. Im so screwed hahahahaha. Oh... and John...i have been careful with him. I give him more attention now than i EVER have - but this is part of the reason why i want to stop our "foursomes" - i dont think it helps John or Kathy and it really isnt doing anything for me. I LOVE spending time with Sam, but not at the risk of upsetting John, Kathy OR myself. Sam is the only one that seems truly happy on those little jaunts :)

from second-love :

YES... truth IS relative... don't i know it!

from second-love :

Hi Kev... yes i do think he feels like its a violation of his marriage among other things... i think he feels like as soon as he gives in to us BOTH enjoying ourselves, we will never be able to go back... and he is 100% correct. He has said as much. And im so sorry for the pain you are feeling right now. I am right there with you *hugs*

from betchy :

it certainly is! wow i am impressed! sometimes its known as weston-super-mud. thats what some of us hilarious locals call it. have you ever been here. it really is quite wonderful. and i really am quite a good liar. my friend actually worked at the nursing home where mrs cleese (johns mum) was looked after and when she died she left my friend a mirror. which was nice.

from betchy :

i am actually unlocked now, so no need for a password! if you ever try to get in, and i have locked back up, the username is betchy, password is crazyhorse. but i'm open for now. enjoy, and leave me loadsa notes. i love 'em!

from second-love :

I've got to tell you... you have truly been an enormous help to me. While i have struggled over some different issues then you two have and while the biggest problem that STILL exists between Sam and I is his denial... i have shifted my thinking. Part of it is NOT wanting to deal with what you are going through right now. Although im sure im fooling myself into thinking that by keeping a tight reign on my emotions and reactions it will make easier an inevitable "break up" that HAS to occur one day. But either way...reading you... getting your perspective... thinking bout Jo and HER feelings has helped me better deal and think about my own. So thank you my friend... and i DO hope that things get better *hugs*

from second-love :

But are you really finished?

from x-plicity :

Would I allow Vince back into my life? I'm not sure right now. I'm still very angry and hurt with what he put me through. Along with that there's a slight feeling of disgust. I don't know if I could ever get past that.

from x-plicity :

You're doing good, Kev. I know it's painful but it's a whole lot easier then doing it the hard way.

from iwanttotell :

I can't imagine what it must be like to work side by side with Jo while trying to work through the pain of the loss. Jo must be a strong woman. If it was me, I'd be in tears through the day. Best wishes with this. I hope this is what's right for the two of you.

from betchy :

hi, i saw you were listed by a lot of my faves as a fave, so have been checking you out! i like! if you want to give me a read, leave me a note and i will give you the password etc. hope things look better soon, and am sorry to hear about your daughters friend. it is awful when a child dies. sympathies to you all. x

from yakkety-yak :

hi, i have just joined d-land and found you. i love the way you write its very touching. hope things look up soon x

from emma25 :

Good to hear from you again...Big hugs for everything you are going through at the moment. It never rains...Just pours! Thinking of you loads!

from chickpea981 :

I'm just now catching up on all of this. I'm sorry to hear about Susan. I wish I had something more to say on that, but I don't. And I'm sorry about all this with Jo. I still can't believe the negativity of the assholes in your guestbook. Why is it that you are the bad guy? I refuse to believe that all of this is solely up to you and Jo needs to take some of the responsibility. Throwing in comments about thinking about something while being kicked around is not fair at all. She has a choice too, it's not just you. I wish you well in helping your daughter get through this all and if I were there, I'd hug you right now.

from sensualistic :

Clicked on your diary while doing puppetgirl's review at slutreviews... and ended up reading more of you than her. Sorry for the unhappiness you're going through. I'll come back to read more but now I should probably do what I signed in to do :)

from artofliving :

I know that I don't leave you notes often but I read every update. I am truely sorry for how this has ended. Whether or not I agreed with it, I always wished for your happiness. I still hope to God you find it. <3

from sanetwin :

I don't think I could say it in any way that second-love hasn't. I'm so sorry for your pain though. Often, being the person going through the other side of it, it's hard to remember there is still the person being inflicted with the pain. I'm sorry for your pain.

from iwanttotell :

What a nightmare! Sorry these things are happening, and at the same time! I agree with Second-Love-Jo's answers need to come from her, and jumping into an exclusive relationship with you might make her feel safe & secure, but it would've solve anything. My thoughts will be with you in telling your daughter about her friend. That child's poor parents-I can't imagine their pain. Hugs

from x-plicity :

I know exactly what Jo is going through right now. Reading her words was like reading my own. It's difficult when the person you are willing to give up so much for suddenly leaves you "stranded". I'm not saying that this is a bad decision, I'm just saying that there is a lot of hurt that you are going to have to go through, that she's going to have to go through. At least you won't be completely turning your back walking away. There might not be a chance for a friendship between you two, but try to make sure you she knows you are there for her, in a platonic way. Good luck, Hon. *hugs*

from second-love :

I am starting to understand what is happening here... Jo really IS trying to emotionally blackmail you. She is desperate!!! I dont think she MEANS to hurt you in this, but is feeling like this is her last ditch effort... and for some reason we feel like if we can make you hurt like WE hurt at times, you will somehow wake up and love us even more. The thing i've come to realize is that the opposite is true. Our "pain and unhappiness" while hard for you guys doesnt really draw you to us when we "use" it. It does the opposite. She feels you slipping away and is allowing her pain to take over. The love is there, but it is covered over now by the pain and the darkness. Its an easy place to slip to without even realize. I wish i could talk with her... cuz i DO understand what she is feeling. But it truly is not fair for her to use that pain (especially the physical abuse pain) against you to get you to do something. If you DID leave Lynne for that reason, neither you OR Jo would be happy in the long run. I am thinking about you and am here for you if you need to email or anything else. *hugs*

from avalonte :

I'm so sorry your daughter has lost her friend. It's so tragic. As for Jo, I think she's being unfair to you! I know she's hurting, but even so.. Using being beaten as emotional blackmail was stooping low!! Anyway, good luck with the relationship grieving, and also with helping Catherine with her grief! *hugs*

from iwanttotell :

I know it's painful, and my heart aches for you, but it's good of you to have taken this stance for Jo's sake. Am I wrong to point out that it might be a bit unfair of her to say that she'd expected all along that your being together would be an eventuality? I seem to remember her telling you that she & Dave were working on their marriage, even thinking about another child. What I'm trying to say is this is not all your fault. Relationships of an adulterous nature are always 50/50 in the blame department. Know that you're in my thoughts. Hugs

from second-love :

My heart is absolutely breaking...and im not in a very good place right now to be able to even process what this could feel like. I'm TERRIFIED that i WILL know what you are feeling... its inevitable. I am so sorry but as painful as it is... it probably is best. I'm here for you... and im sure Sam will be too.

from avalonte :

I'm so sorry Kevin. That's so sad. I have no doubt that it was the same for you as her, the difference was that you have a partner whom you love and won't leave. Just because she'd be prepared to leave her husband for you and not vice-versa doesn't mean you loved her any less than she did you. I'm sure she'll realsie that when she really thinks about it.

from x-plicity :

I've been worried about you. So does this mean that it's over? I'm so sorry, Hon. These things are always very difficult. Hang in there and know that I'm around if you want to vent or anything. *hugs*

from x-plicity :

After chatting with "sam" for a while, I'm starting to see the similarities between you two. PT was right about something in her last entry. The one who is going to have to end it, if it ever comes to that, will have to be you. I just hope that things work out for the best for both of you.

from second-love :

I dont feel like i've done anything at all to help you. I feel like its all the same stuff i've said before. There is just no easy answer to any of this. The hard part is the feelings... if we could do this without the feelings... then it would be easier but also less meaningful. *hugs*

from second-love :

We'll always be here to support ya and we DO understand! I sent a copy to Sam...*grin* - he was honored to hear that he had actually made the diary entry hahahahahahahaha

from avalonte :

We do. But you know that's a high honour!!

from avalonte :

Hope you noted my disclaimer in my previous entry!! Well, not so much a disclaimer as a personal apology to you! The disclaimer was implied!!! ;)

from second-love :

ooooooooooooooooooooooooooh Kev... you ARE a naughty boy *grin*

from sanetwin :

wow that entry was so sexy. I wish I could write sexually empathetic entries like that.

from nettykins :

I just happened across your diary and have read a few entries...im hoping to find time to start from the begining..what ive read so far interested me to the point were ive burnt my lunch lol

from second-love :

Wow... Kev... just read that scathing comment from Intrigued... dont let someone like that get to you. They are NOT living your life and how DARE they judge YOU after they casually and voyeuristically CHOSE to enter your world. God DAMN!! People are unbelieveable!!!

from second-love :

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Kev!!! Glad to have you back. You make several VERY good points. You CANT abandon her - really its too late to talk about walking out on her for her own good... the minute she fell in love with you that wasn't an option. Leaving her now would do more damage then good. The emotional attachment that women feel runs through the soul. When we love, we love all the way and we give all of our hearts... even if there IS more than one that we might love. *hugs to you* Welcome back

from tiragem :

After reading your last two entries, which were both startling and confusing, I've decided to start reading you from where I left off and do my utmost best to catch up. Interesting about that person who wrote about you but never left you any messages. Just as you agree with that person, so do I. But I won't smirk when it happens. That's right. I said "when". I understand that love is never black and white... there are always the grey areas. And it is always in these grey areas that we faulty, emotionally-driven humans reside. And I was just as shocked and disgusted as you when I realised that Jo's husband physically hurt her. I honestly never considered the possibility that he would do such a thing... for any reason. I feel bad for the both of y'all, actually. The entire situation is completely fucked up... I want to write more, but I won't... I still have more to read and it would probably be counterintuitive to post things that I would not have needed to post had I read the rest of your entries. Anyways, I am reading you again, and I am extremely glad to be doing so. Ciao.

from second-love :

Still thinking about you at this time... realize you are focusing on your situation. Know we are all thinking about you. *MORE hugs*

from x-plicity :

It's funny that "disgusted reader" didn't leave an address or homepage. Coward is the only thing that comes to mind. They probably knew that they'd be getting hate mail from all of us who adore you. What second love said is so true. Jo is choosing to continue with you, just like you coose to continue with her. It's all about choices now, my friend. *hugs*

from second-love :

Ahhhhhh SCREW "disgusted reader"... its very easy for them to judge YOU. Something tells me they have never loved two people so much or have even been lucky enough to have ONE person love them as much as you do two. Ease up on yourself, my friend... Jo is an adult and made this choice on her own! Its HER choice to stay or go in this bad marriage and its HER choice to continue with you too. We ALL have to make our own choices. Only YOU can choose whats best for YOU. Plenty of hugs for you... and good thoughts

from second-love :

Ahhhhhh i can relate to this cycle you two are in right now...just love her... but like X said... don't give her false hope. Sometimes that might be how the love comes across - so its difficult no matter how you slice it. Here for you... *hugs*

from iwanttotell :

I agree totally! Jo's really lashing out now because she feels so desperate and wants you to fix it for her. She knows that's not the answer but it would be so much easier for you to whisk her away and ride off into the sunset. Just be there for her now as much as you can and try not to argue. She's just lashing out. Sympathetic Hugs

from x-plicity :

You guys are having it tough. Just be there for her; she needs to get out of her marriage whether you can save her or not. She knows you can't save her, and I understand her resentment. I was in the same place at one time. Love her, be her friend, just make sure you don't give her too much hope for the two of you, because then things will really get ugly. *hugs*

from second-love :

Man... you guys really sound like Sam and me. Sam thought so too... i send him your entries whenever you post. He has gotten quite attached to you and your opinions, my friend *grin*. He waits with baited breath for your every answer to his questions... and i DO notice at times a shift in him... so keep it comin! And go easy with Jo. She obviously has a level of resentment toward you for not saving her. She knows you love her, so why dont you save her! This is what goes on in her head... you WORRY about her but arent really willing to do anything productive about it(or what she would see as productive). So this makes her angry when you DO express concern for her situation. BUT she knows ultimately in the back of her mind that SHE chose this relationship with you and KNEW what it meant. Just like i did.

from krugerpak007 :

Amen. There is NO excuse, absolutely none. How is Jo doing? Probably she is in a total state since she has to really start making some drastic changes otherwise the situation can only get worse. Thank god she has you on her side. Kathy

from second-love :

I ALWAYS appreciate your advice!!! You are the only man on here giving me any and i REALLY need your point of view. He tells me that he emails you hahahahaha i just laugh. I am really SHOCKED by that! And quite honestly, i cant believe that he could be unsure about how i feel. I puke it all OVER him all the time!!!! I SHOW him constantly so there is no "actions speak louder than words" excuse. He just doesnt want to BELIEVE it, i guess. We have been reminiscing this week... we are coming up on our 1 year anniversary since we really got "together" and we have been re-reading old emails together. Even he admits that he was completely naive about the things i was saying back then... that he completely missed that i was talking about my feelings for HIM!! So that really makes me wonder now if he is just totally missing what i have been saying!!! Even though i say "i LOVE you... i WANT you... i will do ANYTHING for you... i have just about sacrificed everything in my life... and it WOULD be a sacrifice i would do in a second" - how much clearer can i be?????

from x-plicity :

My thoughts are with you and Jo. *hug*

from iwanttotell :

Perhaps as a man, you're better qualified to make this statement or not, but it's my feelings (from experience) that a man lashes out physically when he doesn't know another way to handle something that is overwhelming him. But no, there is NEVER an excuse for a man to lay harmful hands on a woman. I wish they could know how that feels.

from krugerpak007 :

Yes, she has to get away from him now.That is absolutely awful.

from second-love :

YES OMG!!! She needs to take that sweet baby and get AWAY from him! I dont think it will do ANY good for you to take some of the lumps for Jo. His mind doesnt WORK like that. Any man who beats up a woman (let alone his wife) is NOT in his right mind. TELL her that she HAS to get out now before something really terrible happens. Thinking about you... XXX00

from x-plicity :

Holy shit...I don't know what to say. For some reason I think talking to Dave would just make matters worse. Wow...She needs to get into a battered women's shelter pronto. She needs to take Alex and run.

from iwanttotell :

Oh no! Poor Jo. She has got to get out of that situation, but what about Alex? This is so awful. Then there's you-I understand you have to take your lumps to make it less horrible for Jo, but perhaps you could meet with Dave outside of work to minimize the fallout? It would be in Jo's best interest as well. Good luck, Kev.

from avalonte :

That is so scary. She really has to get out of there and remove Alex from there! Is she serious about going? Surely she's not still thinking of having another child with that animal?

from second-love :

Oh... but i DONT feel guilty about the stuff i do with Sam....... hmmmmmmmmm whats THAT all about?

from second-love :

I often feel guilty having sex with John and dont like to tell Sam even though he KNOWS... im mean he IS my husband. But i still feel guilty.

from chickpea981 :

yeah, I'd say that qualifies as irony. Silly man.

from second-love :

NO they dont know... although we have never lied to either one of them. I have told John about several of our rides and Sam has been trying to slowly tell Kathy about some of the things to kinda let her warm up to the idea slowly... he is more reluctant to tell her then i am to tell John. He said the other day that he WANTS her to be used to us being best friends because that is never changing...But NO they have NO IDEA we see each other almost every day.

from ducky-girl :

Yes, today will someday be the past. But people become nostalgic for the past, and things are revived again and again for the sake of memory. Everything comes and goes but that is why materials are only nice to have, and love will be the same forever. As long as you have it, you'll never miss out on anything. I bet your mother misses having her sight, but will always be content how she is because she has her family.

from sweet-cynic :

that's a touching entry. wishing your mom a happy birthday.

from krugerpak007 :

I understand her in some way. She is absolutely terrified to be caught the second time. Especially if she has no other alternatives. I would do it. Go away with her.And make sure you get that flight as hard as it may be. It's better than nothing at all.

from second-love :

I find it fascinating that Jo is the one that WANTS you to leave your family for her, yet is the one that is now afraid to take safe risks. I would go ANYWHERE and do ANYTHING with Sam whereever he wanted... mainly cuz he's the reluctant one and holds all the cards... YOU want JO... and she wants YOU... yet she discourages casual contact that is easy... hmmmm i CRAVE that and would DIE without it!

from krugerpak007 :

I totally agree. For example, the Beckhams. Why do we have to hear continuously about his affair? Even here it was always on the news. People are been killed everyday, but it was more imporatnt to hear about Beckhams affair! Now that I look at it probably this has nothing to do with what you were saying but it feels good to vent about it anyway. xoxox Kathy

from tigerlily21 :

Sick isn't it? I think its disgusting that sex is so taboo here in America, yet liars and cheats are treated like everyday heros. I know I will be casting my vote for Kerry..a crash test dummy could do a better job than Bush! By the way, I enjoy your diary. I meant to leave a note earlier, but since I'm at work, I try to be as discreet as possible. I don't think there is anything wrong with loving two people as long as no one gets hurt. Hope you have a good week! Jen

from chickpea981 :

"But still the question remains � why only sex? Why does it matter so much that Clinton slipped a Cuban into Monica, and so little that Bush encouraged the Bin Ladens and tampered with the electorate of Florida?" - Honey I've been asking myself that since the man was put into office. I think Kerry will win based on the fact that he's not Bush... that's how ridiculous everything is.

from sanetwin :

I think I may be in the minority saying so, but I think its lovely that you've met two women that you can love so much.

from sweet-cynic :

hope lynne pulls out of it. safe warm sex sounds good to me right about now.

from second-love :

You BETCHA New Castle Brown!!! My FAVORITE!!! And quite the buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz *grin*

from tiragem :

I sent you a whole bunch of pictures a while back... You never said if you got them. Sometimes those big emails do not get transferred. So tell me what happened.

from puppetgirl :

It's been a rainy week. So I couldn't sell puppets. (It took two days-ish.)

from second-love :

ahhh yes... complacency... its insidious and you DO always remind me that you have to remain vigilant in that regard. Its easy to forget that! YOU are my constant reminder *grin*

from second-love :

He got it :) Thanks for resending!!! Fortunately i came to my senses THAT morning and i AM doin much better now. You really have no idea how much your last comment that morning influenced me... made ALL the difference *hugs*

from second-love :

NO!!! Sam never got your email... that was the weird thing. I told him you were sending something...he's been looking and looking... told me to tell you to RESEND even if it IS old hahahaahahahaha he WANTS IT!!!

from second-love :

hahahahahhaha LOVED it!!! actually, you havent had one of those posts in awhile :) sorta missed it... even Sam is beggin for this one *wink* (and thanks for carin... but im still not sure why!)

from iwanttotell :

HOT! Thanks, I needed that.

from second-love :

WHEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! you are KILLIN me here... some people ARE tryin to work!!! GOOD GOD!!

from ducky-girl :

dang boy you need a cold shower *lol*

from chaosdaily :

maybe leslie is jealous ... thinking that jo is getting preferential treatment ... leslie is one to watch, and be careful around. does lynne know her?

from second-love :

I dont get it... whats with the Leslie chick??? Why does she feel it is HER responsibility to be your guys moral guide??? Is she just a busy body? Or is she thinking that you are giving Jo preferential treatment???

from second-love :

from bare-my-soul :

kevin!!!!!!!

from avalonte :

Glad you nad fun at Lord's. I've been there too, but not for the cricket! I went to a function indoors. It was the unveiling of the new season's F1 Jaguar a few years ago. It's a fab place.

from purr67 :

Hi there! I read a book with your last entry in it almost. :) They called them a covenant marriage. They did have an option to go for a 'lifer' though if they decided they never wanted a new spouse. God it was good to read what you have been up too.

from second-love :

I also like your proposal but think there is still many reasons why it wouldnt help in the emotion department. What would be different if one partner wanted to renew the contract and the other didn't? And would i feel any better seeing that person in another lease when i still wanted him??? hmmmmmmm and im not sure about the kid part hahahahaah but i DO like the idea of having a stab at someone who's currently in a lease *grin*

from ssteedman :

What a splendid idea! Marriage needs to conform to a new model structure as I tend to snigger at weddings when they hit the 'death do us part' portion. Natural cynic I am, I cannot envisage two people getting it on for 60 years or so. The children pose the tricky question though: what to do with them post-marriage. As part of the marriage contract agreement, children must be able to specify the parent of their choice, or perhaps if there is more than one, the children should be split as being spoils of war. Splendid idea...

from ducky-girl :

well, about the marriage thing...if we did that, why not just do away with marriage? i think things are headed that way anyway. i want to be married, though. i hope for longer than seven years.

from sexyatheist :

thank you. though i hope you are right and it is good.

from avalonte :

Oh wow! That is class!! I love it! I believe there'd be less infidelity. People would feel less trapped as they'd see an end to their entrapment! And thus be more willing to be patient. It would make Dave available in just a couple of years from now!! I could live with that! Oh I love it! Genius!

from iwanttotell :

Genius! Pure perfection! I cannot find one thing wrong with your proposal. When can we get this started on an international basis?

from second-love :

The only why i pre-judge is because he is notorious for building up in my mind what he is going to do for me... then back pedals when it comes right down to it. For WEEKS he's been tellin me that we would spend ALL day blah blah blah...HE is the one that makes me think one thing but he DOES another. I dont care WHY he does it... i just want him to stop. He doesnt do me any favors by telling me stuff that isnt REAL!!! I am having a hard enough time!

from divaredneck :

hello, just found you, read a bit and wanted you to know I agree with a lot of what you say, especially about loving two people at once. Not all women have a tough time with it.

from second-love :

Yo Kev... ya said you had clued Sam in a bit... he mentioned to me that he only heard from you that one time... are there emails going to the wrong place??? He thinks you dont want to have anything to do with him hahahahahha... ya might want to check... he said he had emailed you some other question but hadn't heard back...

from xperi-mental :

You are such a MAN! *grin*

from krugerpak007 :

The public toilets were indeed Ephesus...Besides the Dead Sea did you travel anywhere else in Israel and how did you feel? xoxox Kathy

from xwisseassxwf :

Thank you Kevin your a good man to say that.I know he misses you all and i'm not a great substitute but mabye it's time for him to start telling me some of his secrets (he's never even told me about loosing his virginity....but he told all of the people here about me loosing mine even ).

from second-love :

ahhhhhhhhh thanks. i guess you can tell that im getting to the end of my rope. i know he's trying - he's been very sweet this week (likewise John...)BUT we have hit a wall and i dont think we are going able to break through this time. I'm just preparing for the inevitable. Thanks for the birthday wish...*hugs*

from xwisseassxwf :

No i probably wouldn't aprove of you if you where my husband ,and if he has someone he loves other than me I'd really like to know .It's better to find these things out while your still long enough to find someone else , I really don't want to be a 40 year old divorcee!!I'm 34 now and if he'd rather have someone else than now is the time to do it not later .I really hope there isn't anyone else but if there is ,i'd like to know.Thanks for the note.I wouldn't be telling him you said hi because i'm leaving it up to him to figure out i'm writting on here .......stupid i know .

from second-love :

Thanks... and i took no offense by your note. I think you get "it" better than most and think only the best of you! You've been my saving grace and i wont forget it! *hugs*

from second-love :

Thats true... we dont like to be told... certain times more then others. I guess overall... just tryin to make the point that we have ALLOWED our happiness to hinge on you guys and we try our best to just enjoy it for what it is and still be good at our other relationships cuz ultimately thats what we have when all is said and done.

from second-love :

ahhhhhhhh... now THAT sounds ALOT like Sam and I. WE are always trying to guess what the other person might be feeling... or we are always anticipating what the others reaction to something might be. Additionally, we then react to what the other does which is USUALLY in response to something the other said!!! hahahaaahaha nuts!

from krugerpak007 :

Thanks for the comments. Where about were you guys? I live very close to Jerusalem. Nice of you to write to Sam. Holding thumbs for them. Take care! xoxo K

from second-love :

WOW!!!!!!!!!!! Did you send that to him?????? hahahahahahahah he'll be wacked out for WEEKS hahahahahahhahaha... nah- just kidding!!! That is awesome... i hope it helps him somehow... if nothing else maybe he will start to admit the truth. Thanks Kev *hugs galore!!!*

from iwanttotell :

This will be the oddest note I've ever left, but here goes: A Swiffer is a brand name of a dust-mop type gadget for removing dust, cobwebs, etc. Glad you're back and had a good time. You were missed. Hugs

from emma25 :

Am very happy to see you back! I missed you...along with a lot of other people. Hope you feel loved!

from second-love :

ahhhhhhhhhh well... i KNEW you were back (per sam hahahaha)and was waiting for an update *grin*. I searched high and low in your last few entries to see if you mentioned vacation... couldn't find anything but oh well!!!! Glad ya had an ok time with the family. WE all missed ya, of course!!! I know Sam emailed ya cuz he told me - we HAVE worked out alot since then, but i think he is still game for your perspective... just be careful sharing anything i talk about cuz he's always very wary that i am bad mouthing him in my diary and that people he doesnt even know are unfairly judging him. I told him that i share what im feeling in my diary...and that people are NOT judging him. Anyway... good LUCK with THAT conversation hahahahahahahahahhaha *hugs*

from xperi-mental :

Soooo glad you are back!!!! Good to hear you were getting some R&R. We all missed you terribly!

from krugerpak007 :

I am extremely dissapointed in you. You were here in Israel and you didn't tell me....Well, welcome back and I am glad you had a good vacation anyway! Next time you are in my neck of the woods best you contact me! xoxox Kathy

from iwanttotell :

Looks like everybody misses Kevin! Where are you?

from krugerpak007 :

You are missed. I hope that all is ok on your side of the world! xoxo Kathy

from avalonte :

Where are you?? I hope everything's ok.

from xwisseassxwf :

You where wondering why xwiseassx was missing .......yes his wife (me )found outand This time he will NOT be back unless he'd like a divorce :)and he swears he loves me so.........

from sexyatheist :

i don't know that kerry will do much in terms of our appearance to the rest of the world. bush has definitely made it far worse but we weren't exactly liked much before he became president. i think we are the new roman empire which makes us arrogant and others dislike us. we too shall fall and eventually we'll be liked again. but i don't think kerry will do much for foreign relations.

from sexyatheist :

aging liberal hippie, but not the douche? that's the best part! i got the phrase from a recent south park episode and i couldn't help it.

from second-love :

Alas... you are right again. Children DO change everything and if it wasn't for them, all hell would break loose!

from chickpea981 :

xwiseassx disappeared before because he thought his wife found the diary. I'm guessing the same thing happened and rather than lock it, he just deleted all knowledge of everything.

from ducky-girl :

"Almost as though it is actually human nature to unload in some way or another, not to keep it in." lmao, I definitely think that...my problem is not having enough outlets. Hence the diary which I fear will grow more hectic by the day. But thanks for your comment. :) I'll be back here frequently to read your stuff.

from fluttrbykiss :

I know exactly how you feel... I have been in your shoes a few times and it's never easy... I dont envy you though... Good luck... I hope Jo decides NOT to have another baby with her hubby....

from second-love :

Somehow you are able to put into words EXACTLY what i am feeling. How do you continue to do that??? This WILL be our legacy to those "others"... so that they know how much we DID love them. And ummmmmmm about the sleeping... i DO sleep, but my dreams often don't let me rest *hugs*

from iwanttotell :

You could look at it as though it's sad, or you could consider yourself fortunate to feel so deeply for someone. Hugs

from second-love :

We take what we can get, dont we?

from second-love :

It seems sad to me that Jo would settle for Dave just because she cant have you. I understand the fear of being alone... but does the GOOD really outweigh the bad with Dave?? He does just sound like an ass... and i dont think i would want to have my son raised by a man with those attitudes and ideas about women. Yes he is the "victim" when it comes to the affair, but it isnt a good reason to treat her the way he does. That has nothing to do with the affair... that is just HIM! I hope that she decides against a second child with him... and decides instead to make choices for HER happiness... maybe on her own but still always with YOU by her side as much as you can *smile*

from second-love :

Yes... as usual you are right. We worked things out... as soon as i opened my front door, everything just melted away. Just the fact that he TRIES so hard now to work things out means the world to me. And we did agree that i would try to be clearer on stuff like that today... thanks as always for the advice. I really do NEED your suggestions! *hugs*

from avalonte :

Can you be sure Alex (is that right?) never sees any of the violence, agression or at best, the strained atmosphere after? And she's having an affair! You know I don't mean that as a criticism!! But even so, is that a situation condusive to bringing in another child? I don't doubt for a second it would be loved and cherished, but is their relationship (and her situation with you!) stable enough to think about having another child? Sorry, just thinking out loud. It's none of my business. Anyway, 4-2! Rooney is a god!!!

from second-love :

Dad's still bad AND bein a pain... but WHATEVA!!!! Oh yes... i WILL be careful while K's gone... i know that his "bark is worse then his bite"... he talks big, but when it comes right down to it, he'll be VERY mild and VERY hesitant. I've been down this road before. Ill probably see him LESS that week then i do now! *grin*

from second-love :

ahhhhhhh man... im with ya... quite depressed myself today as well. hang in there... as we well know - there WILL be better days *hugs*

from xperi-mental :

I don't know what to say...my thoughts are with you. *hugs*

from avalonte :

Another child? Into that relationship??! That situation??! Sorry, it's not fair of me to comment. Hope you enjoy the game!

from soul-glimpse :

thanks for your note; i hope you didn't take it as an admonishment. while i hate the idea of cheating, nobody's perfect. the issue was not just his cheating. it was how he handled it. i don't know. but don't take anything i say as judgment. my philosophy is if i haven't been in the situation, i don't know how i'd act, and so how can i judge what somebody else did, you know? anyway. enjoy the rest of your weekend :)

from second-love :

OMG!!!! Yet ANOTHER reminder from your life to mine!!! And im not NEARLY as careful as you are! DANG DANG DANG. Like i pretty much suspect that John just KNOWS in his heart even if he never says anything. MAN...im thinkin i need to change my whole strategy.

from xperi-mental :

I just found out a few weeks ago that half the company thought there was something going on between Abe and Me. I was shocked at first. "We were so careful!" The truth is that body language is undeniable. Part of being human is being able to read other people. It's freightening, but it's fact.

from artofliving :

yes i did and thank you for your help...the best part was that it was "a bet" with a co-worker...even better? i let him slide... was that silly of me??

from krugerpak007 :

I can always relate to everything you say. Scary. But true. I think that was an amazing answer to second-love. Have a good weekend Kevin, xoxo Kathy

from artofliving :

you and i have spoken before but i was reading just now and i have a question that i ask myself everytime i read your words...how is it that you can say that you love lynne but also jo? i'm terribly confused on that i thought loving someone meant loving only one someone, not two. i think you are brilliant and i am in no way being negative, it's just that i do not understand the adulterous mindset.

from purr67 :

I just read your entry on porn. I was wondering if I was the only one who thought that all that moaning and screaming was normal or too much. Porn is exciting for the first few minutes and then I have to fight the urge to laugh which you can imagine is not the thing to do if you are expecting sex. Actually after the first few minutes I am actually turned off. How sad.

from xperi-mental :

Wow...you were so right on with that.

from chickpea981 :

no way. Mutual pleasure is the norm, I just keep ending up with lousy partners.

from xperi-mental :

I have promlems with porn for the same reason. It just seems so...acted out. There's really no hint of real pleasure between the two people. It just seems like two people who met about half an hour before the shot trying to get it on. A big sarcastic whoop-di-doo! It's about as erotic as a PAP Smear.

from second-love :

Hahahahah no... i wont let him in cuz i dont want him to get wind of what im writing... BUT i HAVE told him about you and that you give me "perspective". I think he thinks i NEED some in this area :)

from second-love :

Ok... so here is a question that SAM wants me to ask you...Would it bother you if Jo and Lynne were friends and hung out together? Or if Jo made overtures at being friends with Lynne socially?? I know is wacky and our situation is a bit dif since the 4 of us socialize... but it drives him NUTS if i make any comments about doing anything with Kathy even if it has to do with an outting the 4 of us are having. How would YOU feel about it? Inquiring minds want to know *grin*

from xperi-mental :

Thank you for your message. Yes I am so much more happier now that I have Abe at an arms length away. It's so nice not being the mistress anymore. *grin* What lynn said..."when I�m missing you that much I just can�t take the idea that someone who has so much access to you doesn�t appreciate you properly!�" I used to think that very same way about Abe. It would hurt me that he was treated so badly by his wife, especially when she was able to see him every day. I would think to myself, "If he were with me, he would be better taken care of." Of course Abe's wife is nothing like Lynn. It's just funny how the women in adulterous relationships think sooooo much alike. Glad you are back!

from enondoiel :

Thanks for the crossed fingers! As for how things are going... It's been better, it's been worse. Right now I just want to see him and be hugged and kissed and yeah... I won't go into details. Sometimes you just miss the closeness, the intimacy, and not much else. And sometimes you miss EVERYTHING (which sucks more?). Are you and Jo completely past that bad period a while back, by the way? I think I must've missed the entry where you settled all that? I should've made this an email, shouldn't I? Sorry :)

from avalonte :

I know exactly how Jo feels. I hate thinking of how Dave and his wife live. They hardly ever talk, and she treats him really badly. It actually hurts me when I think what a waste that is. She doesn't realise how lucky she is! I'm really sorry to hear about your mum's guide dog! Guide dogs are amazing, so clever, so intuitive. I live near a training centre. We often go there for their fundraising events. I thought about becoming a puppy walker, but decided I couldn't do it because it would break my heart to give the dog back! Anyway, I'm really sorry about your mum's dog. I really feel for her.

from krugerpak007 :

G-d we missed you! Welcome back!

from second-love :

Oh... and the fighting thing when you get ready to go out of town... it IS a way to cope with being apart. Somehow we think it makes us miss the person less if we are ticked at them! I think that is why Sam and i tend to get in little spats around Thursday or so... the weekends are so long without each other, that i think we do it now subconsciously as a way to deal with being apart... crazy!!! And YES it WAS a rollercoaster ride this week as ALWAYS!!! Such is the nature of my life these days! Was it like that you for and Jo in the beginning???

from second-love :

OH THANK GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!WE ARE LOST WITHOUT YOU!!!!!!!! ummmmmmm and i can totally relate to Jo's feelings about Lynne not appreciating you properly - i feel the same way with Sam and Kathy!!! So glad you are back!!!! *hugs*

from xwiseassx :

Whenever I sailed away, (while in the Navy), me and the wife always had a huge row the night before, go figure.

from experimenjj :

hey, thanks for the note. i don't see me on your buddylist anymore. but that's ok. i'll be back to read you anyway. love,

from second-love :

Hey Kev... would you get the heck back here!!! hahahahahahaha the chicks are lost without ya! We need your timely and inspired male perspective LOL!

from purr67 :

Hello! It is nice to read you again. I need to catch up on you!!

from second-love :

hahahhaha i repeat avalonte's comment "touche" and you are probably right!!! He probably DOES snore! The grass is always greener.... or SO we think :)

from avalonte :

Hahaha! Touche!!

from enondoiel :

Wow, you'll practically be right next door then, next week... Have fun in Sweden! Going to Stockholm? I'll send you an email sometime in the near future, but I'm warning you: I'm not good at emails!

from avalonte :

Thank you so much. I will make a note of that. If I get no joy, I will try him. But hopefully I won't need to. Don't worry, I understand your position, I won't mention you! But I really appreciate your help. Thanks lovely. Have fun in Sweden!

from krugerpak007 :

Thanks again for everything... We appreciate you :-)xoxo K

from second-love :

mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm now THATS my idea of a business trip!!! :)

from bare-my-soul :

wow, now that's what i call a layover!

from xperi-mental :

You have no idea how much you are valued! Thanks for the encouragement and thanks for the awesome advice you always have up your sleeve.

from second-love :

ahhhhhhhh as usual... you are the BEST!!! thanks Kev... and yes - your points are always well made and well taken. Believe me... this will be VERY slow. After all... it HAS taken us 20 years!!! hahahahha why rush it now?? *hugs*

from enondoiel :

Not that I didn't already know, but you're a really wise and insightful guy, Kevin! Wow, it was so well-argued and eloquent... I wanted to ask you because it was so relevant for you, and (should I say unfortunately?) for me too. (no, isn't mentioned much in the diary... Kind of still unsure about the whole "arrangement"!) I knew you'd give me a good answer, thank you so much. It sort of cleared up a lot of things that are really complicated for a girl my age to really understand... (now I feel young!) I'm very grateful you took the time, thank you so much!

from krugerpak007 :

Wow, well written Kevin, it really puts things in to perspective for me. Thanks!Thanks for everything.xoxo Kathy

from second-love :

Your points are well put... and has caused me to examine how i REALLY feel about it even more. Of course, my life choices right now gives cause to think about it ALL the time anyway. Perhaps i too will write it out as a way to think it through... have an awesome week Kevin... *hugs*

from second-love :

Ummmmmmmmmmmmm STILL waiting for that picture... was there SUPPOSED to be an attachment on the email you sent :)??? There wasnt... so give it UP *smile*

from bare-my-soul :

very sweet. as always. yes, i have been neglecting you, and all the rest of my buddies! i barely have the energy to keep up my own writing these days. wish i could be a writer, full-time. and get paid for it. so i could give up my day job. i'm just dreaming. sorry i missed your b.d. hugs, love rose

from chickpea981 :

Happy late birthday! I'm so bad about the greetings. Anywho, thank you for the note. I'm in the state of mind that as much as I would like this person to be more, we both need time to get our shit together. But yeah... I think he's worthy of my time. :) Thanks for the picture too. it's nice to finally put a face to the entries I read so often.

from second-love :

Happy BDAY!!!!!!! And YES... give it UP! i want the picture TOO :) send it to [email protected]... And will our worries never end??? One of us is always having to worry about someone moving!!!I guess its the nature of our special "relationships"... *hugs*

from xperi-mental :

Happy birtday, K. Could you please send me the picture? My address is [email protected]

from sweet-cynic :

congrats on the year. i feel the same way about journals...i'm a self-proclaimed journal fiend. i'm also requesting a copy of the photo.. love seeing the faces behind the words. [email protected]

from emma25 :

HAppy Birthday!!! Please send me a copy of the photo [email protected]

from iwanttotell :

Please send the pic to me [email protected]. Dying to see! Hugs

from chickpea981 :

I'd like to see the picture. But wait, I am confused... are you leaving us? Or just recapping a year?

from chaosdaily :

you're welcome! it was my pleasure, for sure. hugs

from enondoiel :

Take as long as you need :) I'm very interested in your response!

from enondoiel :

Kevin, if you would be so kind: Question: True or false? "Fidelity is a concept both unfeasible and also perhaps undesirable" Why or why not? I'd appreciate your input! PS: Pictures are always welcome, but you shouldn't unless you feel absolutely comfortable about it!

from iwanttotell :

Yes! A picture would be great, but you're not going to, are you? I don't blame you, but it's not nice to tease. Hugs

from xperi-mental :

You have a picture, you tease us and then you leave us hanging...MEN! *grin* you will have to share eventually.

from krugerpak007 :

Are you crazy? Show us, show us, show us, show us, please!!!

from krugerpak007 :

Now that sounds like my kind of birthday. Happy belated birthday. Glad you had such an awsome time...Take care!Kathy

from everchanging :

About the banner set up. First off, banner space only comes with a gold membership, meaning, you have to pay for them. And you can either buy them separately or if you sign up for a year you get so many banners. Then you just need to create something on paint or photoshop thats a certain dimension and then upload it. Diaryland is pretty good about giving you directions once you pay for the gold membership. I think its worth it. Since I came back to diaryland thats pretty much where all my hits have come from - of course, it seems that the more risque or tantilizing banners get the most hits.

from krugerpak007 :

I seriously do not know what this world is coming to. It is extremely scary.

from avalonte :

Thank you so much for your kind message at the weekend! I really appreciated it! K was a little upset about losing Will, but got over it pretty quickly!

from krugerpak007 :

I also relate though to second-love. I just sometimes think that women are just willing to give their all, and that men sometimes just don't care. I know thats a big generalization but I see where she is coming from. But now that I read your entry I guess that I am wrong?

from xperi-mental :

You are so male! *grin* We all love you for it. I just wish you could tell me what Abe's thinking right now.

from second-love :

OMG!!!!! I pretty much wrote about that same thing! And what you wrote DOES make so much sense! THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT SAM IS FEELING!!! I just know it. MAN... you HAVE helped me so much you have no idea!!! Thank you thank you!!! (and i have no problem with you mentioning my diary... ill give the password to anyone that asks me for it *wink*)TONS of XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX00000000000000000

from emma25 :

Your dream was prob something to do with the letter and seeing the illness's around you, it's your brains way of saying 'what if it was me, what would I do'? Happy birthday!!!

from pattymelt :

no jeff??!!!! that's the main reason i watch!!! what am i going to do??????

from second-love :

Man... you've got to help me understand him!!! Today was bad. He told me i was breaking his heart... but i dont really know what im doing. Mine has been broken over and over again. I think we are both getting lost and confused. I'm scared to death that im going to lose him for good and im not sure how to do my life without him.

from second-love :

And when we are with "you" we are so happy... all is right in the world. But when we are away and go back to our lives, the doubts begin to creep in. And yes, it is all about timing. Sam and i talk about that all the time, but it doesnt change anything knowing that if you'd met us earlier we'd be together... we know thats not reality right now so it doesnt really change how we feel. Any way you slice it, we are still 2nd even though most if not all of the time, you are and will always be first to us.

from second-love :

I wish i could tell you EXACTLY what it is that is so frustrating. Its really a combination of things, i think. This is part of the reason why i write so often. There is so many different emotions all the time and they change moment by moment. Part of it may be that we (meaning the woman side of the relationship) would be and probably are willing at any given moment to sacrifice everything for "you"... but we know deep down that you are not. We try to not let that bother us, we try to just enjoy the fun or whatever, but it builds up - and ultimately we feel and know that we are second. No matter what you say or how many times you tell us that you love us. This is only part of it. But thanks for making it feel worthwhile putting all these feelings into words *hugs*

from puppetgirl :

Inconclusive on a pap smear often just means that the doctor didn't scrape out enough cells to test. When I got an STD test along with my pap smear the pap smear came back inconclusive because there weren't enough cells left over. It's probably happened to your wife before at some point too, which is why she didn't freak out about it. Don't let yourself get twisted up in knots over it.

from chaosdaily :

hmmm you sure he isnt phoning your wife???

from second-love :

YES! X is right... it is very common, so try not to worry till you know for sure. My thoughts are with you XXX000

from xperi-mental :

It's very common with women to have feminine conditions involving mutated or pre cancerous cells. It's the cancerous cells that you need to worry about. Take care.

from iwanttotell :

I had a condition about 13 years ago which was pre-cancerous, had the condition resolved through surgery and haven't looked back. I'm sure there is no need to worry. Just keep after her to get it taken care of right away. Hugs, Kate

from emma25 :

Don't get too stressed before you know the full content of the letter! If it was that serious the doctor would have phoned not sent a letter!

from xwiseassx :

You HAVE to keep yourself calm about that doctors letter Kevin, it could be just about anything at this point old chum!

from second-love :

Ahhhh the lies... a way of life. Second nature. You DID do right. You protected her and that was sweet. Oh... and you DO know me... you read my diary... so you know me :) (hahahah i know what you mean, wish i knew you too *smile*... maybe one day)

from xperi-mental :

If you could, what would you have done differently?

from second-love :

hahahhahahah heck NO... i think we both NEED your notes!!! but thanks for admiting that you DO try to fix things...it is sweet in a way- but damn annoying too!!!shheeeeesh MEN, can't live with ya- can't shoot ya... LOL..... XXXOOO

from second-love :

Thanks for the note. Your words always have a way of helping me... i DO know that it can't be perfect or just what i want it to be... and reading your words reminds me that NO relationship is everything we want it to be. If they were, we wouldnt be looking to someone other than our spouses to fill certain spots in our souls. But sometimes i think i need to go through these feelings to keep me on an even keel and to keep me from going off the deep end emotionally. Thanks again...*hugs*

from emma25 :

Thank you and...thank you. I am torn beside being good and getting a skin full of liquor in me before a few very dry months!!!

from second-love :

OMG!!! We ARE living identical lives!!! She sounds just like SAM. They will cruise along for awhile completely involved, fully engrossed emotionally et al - then the veil comes down. It is hard to know exactly why it happens... if its guilt or just a way to cope with all the emotion. AND she DOES want to be rescued. Her love for you keeps her from giving up the relationship even though it hurts so bad that you CANT rescue her and she knows it. X is right... it is hard to be a mistress... even if we do have our own marriages. There will always be a certain amount of guilt we feel and we often don't know how to cope with that guilt verses the love and fantasy of being with the other person and living our lives with them. Its a quandry for sure... one we have all chosen. I've learned to deal with Sam's moods, to see them coming and then do the best i can to either head them off (which is usually never) OR to just be there for him in silence like i know he wants and needs me to be. Hang in there! *hugs*

from xperi-mental :

The only thing you can do for her, when she's in one of those moods, is be supportive. I know I have moods of my own sometimes. Feeling rejected is a normal feeling for mistresses. Feeling rejected and/or feeling guilty. As normal as the setting sun.

from bare-my-soul :

Hi Kevin, THRILLED! love rose

from second-love :

You are right... we DO need to be careful!!! And i often think about you when i need to be reminded. You have REALLY helped to keep me focused on whats important... and that is protecting what we have. Thanks for that.

from second-love :

Had an AWESOME time... but if you've done any reading... you already know that *wink*... can see you have been having some fun yourself!

from parlance :

I read a few of your entries, too, they make me smile, but the sexual connotation [I'm assuming] of your name makes me smile more.

from second-love :

Oh my... X is right on with that warning!!! I HATE when Sam does that with me... and he feels compelled to do it all the time. It makes me feel like he cant really accept what i am TRULY feeling, so he makes up his own interpretation. Maybe sometimes he's right, but thats not really the point, is it? *hugs*

from xperi-mental :

Be careful, Kevin. As you already know, women don't like to have someone explain to them how they feel. Especially if the explination is correct. Good luck. *hugs* Dre

from parlance :

Your username makes me smile :)

from alterego85 :

thank you. =)

from sexyatheist :

okay. so maybe you don't want to have sex with jack nicholson. but it would be much harder for you to say no if you were a woman. or a gay man. i'll just take your disinterest to be a reflection of your sexual preference.

from tiragem :

Fascinating hearing about my own country from a foreigner's point of view. And I hope very much that you keep up that rambunctious libido of yours. It's quite lovely to read about. I would masturbate but I've already come four times today (only once by myself). Kudos to you.

from chaosdaily :

i dont go through my husbands wallet, he doesnt go through my things. living where we do, i would hear about an affair pretty quickly, and honestly, if he did have an affair, it wouldnt make much difference in how i feel about him.

from second-love :

MAN!!! you are SO right!! I often find myself looking at my husbands wallet or email even tho there is no good reason to. You always remind me the importance of being careful. And there IS that compulsion to "keep" things. Why is that? I think it helps us feel connected to someone we dont really possess. We really get so little from that person in all reality - a few stolen moments -that we have to have SOMETHING... and that ultimately is our demise

from bodily04 :

It's not just the Americans you lost in that last paragraph......! Your diary is compelling by the way, especially as I found myself in that same situation a year ago. Good luck to all of you, whatever the future holds.

from xperi-mental :

You are right, as always. I'm going to take your words to heart and see what I can make of this mess. Thank you. *hugs&thoughts* Dre

from xperi-mental :

This sounds terrible but I think Jo needs to get out of that relationship. Not only for her well being but for her child's. Children in abusive relationships almost always turn out like their fathers.

from krugerpak007 :

I hope you have had a good Easter and that things will look up this week. Take care! Kathy

from second-love :

Hahahaha well... didn't i sound like a blithering idiot! Of course the tears we're "emotional" ones, if you will - but i guess the same as real ones nonetheless! I think i am just feeling a bit emotional myself these days and trying to figure out if what i am doing is going to lead me down a path of greater pain than joy eventually. It just seems that it all has to come to a head at some point - there is just no way around it - because its impossible to get "involved" without your emotions coming along for the ride. *wink* xxxxxooo

from krugerpak007 :

I just hope next week goes better than this one. Hang in there!Keep us updated. Take care Kevin! xoxo Kathy

from awomanalone :

Kevin, I was hoping you were quoting from a book or something and fooling with us. I'm sorry that's not the case :(

from krugerpak007 :

Oh no. I hope you guys manage to sort things out. She is vulnerable right now, and hurt. Give her lots of attention. Just be there for her and I am sure it will all come right. Take care Kevin! Kathy

from xperi-mental :

It looks like this is the season for harsh realizations. My thoughts are with you. *hugs* Dre

from second-love :

OMG...i am just full of tears right now. I can feel the pain just leaping off the page and its just unbelievable hurt, worry AND love. i sense all of that in your words. My best thoughts are with you Kevin...and i hope you BOTH get through this. XXXX0000

from krugerpak007 :

Are you and Jo arguing? Or what is really going on... I hope everything gets sorted out. xoxo Kathy

from krugerpak007 :

Oh no, whats going on? Hope you are ok!

from second-love :

Kevin... you've got us FREAKED OUT!!! Please explain that last entry!!! Are you talkin about Jo???? or Lynn??? Or is it all in your mind and you hope it never plays out??? Either way... *hugs* XXX000 and best thoughts

from chickpea981 :

Jo or Lynn?

from xperi-mental :

WOW....that was painful to read. Hope you're doing ok. *hugs*

from wench77 :

Hey, thanks for doing my dimmemories survey! You STILL get milk delivered? I am SO jealous! I loved that. And you are one of the only ones who knows who the Bay City Rollers were! Their Tax Inspector? that is quite strange. hehe. AH, I see you are like 5 yrs older than I am. I KNEW I didn't actually need to ask ages. I was 6 when they walked on the moon. Giggle re Neil Diamond. My mom was Neil Diamond crazy and I became a bit too... not so much nuts about him, as a suck for his music when I was down. No 8track of it tho. MM, yes re nazis in Sound of Music. The teenage sweetheart becomes a nazi. And the nuns get politically involved by stealing car parts. It is actually less sweetsie than people tend to think. As for the dial phones etc being only a few years ago... I was trying to put in SOME things people under 30 might remember! Hmm, what country do you live in (re backwards country... re only one tv channel)? And yeah, nostalgia. Well, I am frankly quite happy with fax machines and voicemail, but less happy with the terminally malfunctioning ISP for my email. grrrr. Thanks again, and come back for more!

from second-love :

Yes... do a recap! Since Jo had her baby, i have sensed a more wistful "geez wasn't it great back when" sentimentality to your entries. Thats not a BAD thing, but it just makes me curious to know if things ARE indeed changing for you. Maybe you don't even realize it yet????? My situation continues to deteriorate since work is now going to be a more difficult place to be. It used to be my haven, but no longer. Perhaps if i had clug to your "rules" a little more closely, i wouldnt be in the situation i am now. I got careless and was also too trusting that my employer would not become "Big Brother". Ahhhhhhh another assumption on my part. Thanks for just being here. Everyone here has become my lifeline right now. Tah! from adulterous-k : Not giving up - no! Just being wistful for the way it used to be two years ago and more. Maybe I should do a recap entry to explain? from wench77 : Hiya! Thanks for doing my gettinolder survey! Yes yes yes re the kneeling down/gettin up thing (oh my knees!). I think it is so funny that women my age are having their kids start to leave home (which was the case with my mom) and I'm wondering if I want to adopt. I've got it all backwards. As for the motorcycle... you'll just move up to one of those huge things with hardcase saddlebags, big front end fairing with floorboards, and surround radio speakers. hehe. At about 65. Hmm, I should get inspired by your responses to get back to the gym and doing my yoga. I feel creaky, in need of a stretch, and not as strong as I'd like. Ah it is spring. Maybe that will help. Thanks again! Tah!

from chaosdaily :

i can check the history too... i usually type my entry for the day up in appleworks, and add to it as the day goes on. THAT is what someone is looking at.... and a bunch of archived dland notes that i have hidden in a folder.......

from second-love :

I am sensing something from your last posting... are you giving her up? Have you decided that what you have may be putting her in jeopardy? I just notice that you are starting to talk about the "good times" instead of now. I feel sad for you and know that im thinking about you.

from chickpea981 :

I don't know how much I can say at this point to you and I know this is a few days late in posting, but coming from the side of the abused, it's very hard to just immediately label your partner/spouse as a violent abusive person. It took me many months to realize that and in the end - when he knocked me out - I found hte strength to walk away. However, I don't have a child to worry about and I had a place to live when the shit hit the roof. Jo can't just walk away and neither can you. If you were single and didn't have Lynne to worry about, Jo wouldn't put up with the violence - trust me on that one. However since neither of you have a way out she deals with what she can. I know if I had a child when my ex beat me, I would have been slower to leave, at least until I was sure I had a place to go.

from shiningdawn :

I am sorry about your friend jo ,there is not much u can do but be there for her till she is ready to do something about it .

from krugerpak007 :

I agree. it must be some kind of addiction. And it's not like we mean to hurt our spouses. It's the last thing we want to do. I just also do not understand the whole thing at all. I am just confused. Take care. xoxo Kathy

from second-love :

It IS an addiction... im convinced - otherwise why WOULD we all risk what we have??? Especially since all of us seem to have wonderful, caring spouses. The definition of addiction is "The condition of being habitually or compulsively occupied with or involved in something"... and thats what we are - they are OUR drug.

from xperi-mental :

I don't know if you know this, but you can block your diary from search engines. I have mine blocked...don't want to wrong people discovering it.

from second-love :

Oh MAN...you are now entering something that is a whole new ballgame. I could tell from some previous entries that something wasn't right there. Ill be thinkin about you both...choose your next steps carefully, for yourself and for Jo.

from treewillow :

I am so sorry for your friend Jo. I know about being hit, only it was from my mom. It's very hard to stand up for yourself in those situations. You begin to feel that you deserve it, for whatever reason. My heart goes out to her. Maybe it's a start, her telling you about it. Maybe, just maybe she wants out if it? I can't say if she does or not, but no one should have to put up with that, or worry about when it will happen again.

from xperi-mental :

Wow...that just adds a whole layer to everything now, doesn't it? You know what's funny? My husband is afraid to hit me! Ha! He thinks I could probably beet him up, and I think he's right. *wink* Jo is going to really be needing you, hang in there, Man.

from elysium1982 :

walk safely kevin. enjoy your trip, it sounds wonderful.

from xperi-mental :

Thanks for the advice...I'm definitely taking it.XXXXX

from starlight42 :

ya, I don't like cheaters, but I guess I especially don't like when I'm cheated on. I do find other cheaters almost interesting, as to who would make you do that and how you can handle it. And since I'm a romantic, I know there's got to be some starcrossed lovers out there that just happen to be cheating, to be with the person they love.

from bare-my-soul :

K, this is so much easier to read. you know i love your storytelling. i will email you. turns out i'm in london March 27 - March 31. does this change anything? would love to meet you for a cocktail. love rose

from starlight42 :

hmmm, interesting diary :)

from avalonte :

Have a safe journey, and a great time!! By the way, I love your new template!

from sexyatheist :

you know, that quote is actually what started me on getting quotes from all my favorite diaries. i just loved it. sometimes i too want to just fall asleep and wait for next time, but i think it was right on for the most part. we are feeling amazing and you guys just want to pass out.

from xperi-mental :

I love the new template! XXXXX

from second-love :

Thanks for the note... i too feel pretty comfortable now with parallel lives. Not too sure if im just really good at rationalizing now or if the thought of giving it up is more than my mind can bear. I do constantly obsess about where his mind is and if he's decided its all too much to keep up with. AND i think about what it means IF we were to ever get caught. BOTH of us have a tremendous amount to lose... not just our relationships - but reputations and jobs. How do you deal with that. Is it just an ongoing part of the rationalization? hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

from second-love :

I am obsessed and possessed by your writing and your story. I feel as though you are living my life somehow. Its been a relief to discover that i am NOT the only one confused and confounded by parallel lives and parallel love. Do you feel as if you might one day go crazy?

from awomanalone :

Wow, something's changed. I just changed my page too..... I've been wondering, if you would answer, would you stop seeing Jo if you knew for a fact that seeing her will end up destroying your marriage?

from nmnohr :

Love the new template!

from iwanttotell :

What a relief! I was sitting on the edge of my seat, waiting for that entry! Was it all you had hoped for? Just remember, Kevin, you can't be too careful-don't get careless in covering your tracks. Never forget the potential consequences.

from bare-my-soul :

K, you need a new template. something that will do you writing the justice it deserves. your words get lost in lime green and condensed space, dark background. you need to spread out and be clear. your writing is so beautiful. i hope it's okay for me to say this. i'm coming to london March 26th. love rose

from xwiseassx :

Make that steak and kidney pie..love it. It's good to be back. Thanks for the welcome.

from awomanalone :

We don't have "American" restaurants in America. We might have English restaurants if kidney pie wasn't so disgusting. I think England definitely does have it's own personality, maybe you're just so used to it you don't see it.

from xperi-mental :

That's an interesting story...My niece is an avid reader of my other diary; she got curious and started to read the diaries of my buddies. That�s when she found Abe�s. This was before I started this diary. She put 1 and 1 together and now she knows. She�s too smart for her own good sometimes.

from krugerpak007 :

Hope it all went well. xoxo Kathy

from puppetgirl :

I think everyone partitions their life in odd ways. There are these separations that probably would look schizophrenic if any one person saw them all. But strangely dividing our lives into different personalities and names and masks is sometimes all that keeps us sane.

from xperi-mental :

Stuff like that is very hard to endure, but Abe and I are proof that it can still work.

from tiragem :

My mother is a travel agent, so I asked her. She says Crowne Plaza is better esp. with respect to location, ambiance etc. So you're really coming here for the cricket, huh? It's probably too late to come for Carnival now, but maybe you can come next year and see what it's like. It's pretty cool if you know where to go. And when you come for the cricket, maybe we can meet or something. *shrugs* Farfetched possibility.

from xperi-mental :

Jo has some seriously evil in-laws.

from chickpea981 :

Why do people feel the need to be so hurtful and do malicious things like that? Do they ever stop to think that secrecy can be for a good reason? I'm sorry you have to deal with such idiots.

from xperi-mental :

Yeah�Leonard isn�t the most eloquent when it comes to words and expressing feelings. He's gotten better at it though. XOXO

from awomanalone :

I have seen things online that will predict your death day, including the year and cause of death.

from bare-my-soul :

feel better. :)

from chaosdaily :

at least you hope there are no cameras......

from bare-my-soul :

p.s. good luck on thursday, sorry you can't be there. :(

from bare-my-soul :

yes kevin, let's get together for a brew at the local pub, end of march. you're on!

from xperi-mental :

Cheers to death days!

from frail :

thank you for the note, i really appreciated your words. :), cathy-ann

from xperi-mental :

You are absolutely wonderful. Thank you for the advice and the encouraging words. You�ve given me something to think about. XOXO

from czarling :

Just got your note-- sorry it took me long to respond, I've been working my arse off with these long hours. I think it's a bit pompous to say 'it's different', because it's not. You're lying, cheating, and manipulating, and your wife is being lied to, cheated on, and manipulated by you. Although you might think you have it down right, you really don't have the right to say 'it's different' when you haven't been in the situation at all.

from bare-my-soul :

you rock!

from p00h :

I am really enjoying your diary. It's like reading a big chunk of my life.

from chickpea981 :

That was beautiful

from xperi-mental :

I wish it could be that easy for me. It's so hard being in love with two people, I want to be loyal to them both but I can't get past the fact that I'm cheating on them at the same time. Do I make sense?

from lastyeargirl :

I live next door to a brewery, so if I was to say that Edinburgh smells wonderful I'd be slightly worried about myself ;) Which is not to say that the city doesn't have its charms, although it took rather a while to grow on me... Thank you for adding me as a favourite xx

from chaosdaily :

sheesh. she doesnt want mike to bring his problems to the office, but then is upset because he doesnt?? irrational is right.

from gypped :

you can choose to employ one or all of my tips, dear adulterous. it's totally up to you.

from chickpea981 :

I don't know how you do it. You love two women, yet one of them you barely get to see alone. That would kill me. I don't think I could survive those big gaps in between. But then again, I'm not in love and you are. More power to you.

from czarling :

If you couldn't stand to hurt Lynne, why risk it by cheating on her?

from xperi-mental :

You are right, of course. Abe and I take way to many risks as it is. We really should start treating this as if Vince knew about us.

from chaosdaily :

sometimes we choose things not knowing the full extent of what we are choosing. i doubt when you started with jo that you realized there would be an "emma thomson" situation in your life.

from poplord :

eight each? and "x"?? damn that sounds like paradise man!!

from awomanalone :

So you have electricity and a cd player on your deserted island?

from poplord :

eight cd's huh? think i'll have to try that on for size in my diary. interesting picks by the way.

from xwiseassx :

I find Diaryland superb for the private stuff but as a politacal outlet, well, I just don't want to ruin everyones mood. If you don't mind I'd like to e-mail a few points of view your way, treat you like a sounding board.

from xperi-mental :

I can understand why people disagree with the whole Iraq thing. I myself, being a very proud conservative, have my own ideas as to why Saddam needed to be taken out years ago. Most of which have nothing to do with Sept. 11 or with WMDs.

from xwiseassx :

I can go on and on about discrepancies around the world. I try and avoid the word 'conspiracy' as it gives me the impression of people wearing tin-foil hats to stop the C.I.A. from reading your thoughts. I'll hit more on this later. You have given me food for thought though I don't think Diaryland is the forum for this. Later man.

from czarling :

Is cheating on Lynne worth being so terrified of being caught all the time? I mean, you have to hide every little thing that you and Jo exchange, you're getting phone calls from strange numbers. I mean, why is the love of your wife not enough for you? I'm curious because I've been in the position of being cheated on, and I honestly don't know why it's done.

from xperi-mental :

Yeah, male conversation is so much more easy going then "girl talk". I would rather be involved in male conversation any day.

from chaosdaily :

my husb told me men talk about sports and cars... and not much else

from bare-my-soul :

thanks bro! missed you. love rose

from tiragem :

I never mentioned him cumming because he didn't cum. I liked that last entry. Sombre.

from nmnohr :

Your diary completely captivates me. Honestly. You have put into words my own experience. Although it was an experience 3 years ago, it was a similar experience, and it just really brings me back to that place, those times, and those feelings. I thought I was all alone in those feelings, and it's comforting to know I wasn't. I could sit and read through your entries all night, and if you notice a ton of pageviews it could be me! I can relate to all to much. Things that I haven't written about in my own diary because I was too afraid to travel down that road again.

from poplord :

actually i do have a fairly good idea of the shit that would come down on me...that's part of what makes my disappointment so damn weird. oh well, i'm kind of a weird guy, "x" can verify that for you.

from xperi-mental :

It's very hard to cope, but most of the time it's worth it. You know what I mean.

from chaosdaily :

kevin, doesnt that make you wonder if its all worth it, at least for her? if i had to hide things, and be worried my stuff would be gone through while i was out of the house, it might just be easier to not do messaging.....

from awomanalone :

I have two sons, and I would NOT mind if they were gay. I want them to be happy. I have seen young men, in their 20's, die a long, miserable death from AIDS, with NOBODY ever coming to the hospital to see them. I wonder what's wrong with those mothers who allow that to happen! (that was when I was working as an RN). -- What's making girls get their periods earlier? Supposedly it's the better nutrition today's children get, and better health care.

from tiragem :

His wife Kate, eh? You're pretty quick on your feet. And that last entry made me laugh. That definitely is an original way to start off a new year.

from czarling :

Won't tell you to piss off, because what you have to say brings up an important point: When a woman finds out her boyfriend/husband has been cheating on her and then he begs her to come back, to me he's establishing a kind of power and dominance, and I'd just be weak to go back again. Some men can tell their women that it won't happen again (and they accept that), but once a cheater, always a cheater.

from czarling :

Why would it matter if Lynne found out about you and Jo after you were dead? And what if she (Lynne) were to find out about your diary before any of this happened?

from awomanalone :

I have left a similar letter with my insurance information and everything in case I die sometime soon. And I asked that my diary be updated with what happened. I intend to use this diary to tell my story, particularly relating to depression, and dying will be part of the story. If nobody updates it, I will just disappear and none of my readers will ever know what happened. That's not weird, is it?

from bare-my-soul :

holy moly, close call K! i hope nothing ever happens to you. why would you want her to know there ever was a diary if it did? wouldn't that cause too much hurt? kind of like that what she doesn't know won't hurt her? anyway, happy new year. love rose

from chaosdaily :

and ive told people, be careful what you say to me on messenger, my kids use the puter as much as i do........

from xperi-mental :

Holy Shitxor!! Talk about close calls! I hope that if the time ever comes for me to think fast I'll be as good at it as you are. Happy New Year! XX

from bare-my-soul :

you made me feel good about the fact that i didn't spend holidays with family. and you know i so enjoy your entries. happy new year K. love rose

from enondoiel :

Oh, and I forgot: You keep on confusing me! So it's not in Newcastle. But it's in Britain, right? Or not? You seem like a good person, anyhow. A confusing, but good person :) Now I've left too many notes. Sorry!

from enondoiel :

Trust me, you didn't spoil it. The weather was bad and there was lots of Japanese people talking really loud. I'd rather "remember" you and Jo, to be honest.

from enondoiel :

You fingered Jo by Angel of the North? Wow... We visited Newcastle this summer, so I've been there, but now my memories will have a whole sexual twist to them! I can't look at the pictures from that place and not think of you and Jo now! Oh well. By the way, in Norway, Christmas Eve is the most important day of Christmas, we open our presents today and go to church and eat lots of food and so on. So maybe you should've lived in Norway, so you wouldn't have a let-down on Christmas Day! :) Happy holidays!

from bare-my-soul :

those chocolates with the delicious fillying..mmmm what was a great way to wrap it up! big hugs, merry christmas. thanks for the tip. i'm editing. wow, very Freudian. love rose

from xperi-mental :

Glad to hear you weren't a "miserable sod" at the party! By the way palm reading isn't always reliable. It's a map of what your possible destiny is when you are born. It doesn't take into account the different choices you will eventually make.

from gypped :

heh, you counted.

from bare-my-soul :

i will gladly take you up on your offer, brother-k. if only you weren't miles and miles away. love rose

from tiragem :

The tickets, according to the Mum, cost about TT$300... That's about 30 pounds... If anything fluctuates, I'll keep you in the know.

from poplord :

damn right i looked around this time! lol

from tiragem :

Reality check. You are cheating on Lynne. Still, it's all understandable considering that you love them both. And I think the ticket prices down here might be more reasonable, once you get them early enough. Although people love to con tourists down here... I can ask around for what the tickets might cost. I'll get back to you on that. Kudos.

from poplord :

here i am on top again! lol anyway, yeah i agree with that too. i would never cheat on xperi-mental. never. but i did on my wife for someone i say i'll never cheat on. how messed up and twisted is that?

from xperi-mental :

I understand what you mean when you say you would never cheat on your lovers. It's a bit ironic but very true. The two become one relationship after a while.

from chaosdaily :

whats a wally?

from bare-my-soul :

that was a HOT entry! wow, that was only the second time you and she had sex this year? the way you write about her, it's almost as if you're having sex even when you aren't. do you feel guilty when you go home? do you think ross does? love rose

from tiragem :

The english language is pretty frigged up language. And I love it. I also loved that little entry you wrote on cricket. It made me laugh out loud. I do so love all those little tricks the cricketers play, although it does make me want to strangle them sometimes.

from carrythezer0 :

erotic entry: wow. and thats all i have to say about that.

from chaosdaily :

yes it was a phrase that googled you back to your diary.... but i dont remember the phrase... something about.. errrr... unmentionables?

from chaosdaily :

congrats on the official 100!!

from xperi-mental :

Congrats on the big 101!

from tiragem :

Actually, I haven't thought that far ahead. But I am certain that my parents will not treat me any differently a few years from now. They will not/do not respect heathens/atheists regardless of age, position... or biological relationship.

from tiragem :

That last entry... on your family relationships... all I can say is... wow... No... actually... I take that "wow" back. I'm speechless.

from carrythezer0 :

thanks, of course ;)

from bare-my-soul :

yes, i am coming to London in April, then to France. would love to meet you for a cocktail! love rose

from xperi-mental :

I'm glad your trip went well, missed you!

from bare-my-soul :

my god, why couldn't i have had an affair with someone like you. you're too good to be true. you love them both. i relate to jo. sorry to hear she's not feeling well. love rose

from bare-my-soul :

wow, my first day without ross...your first day with your darling back...strange. and not easy, either way. thanks so much for your continued friendship and encouragement. bloody marvelous - that's you. love rose

from enondoiel :

We call it Nordsj�en, a direct translation of the North Sea. So, if you live in Newcastle then yes, we can almost see eachother! Wow :)

from xwiseassx :

Yes Kevin, it extremely possible and plausible even a century ago, assuming a good rail link.

from xperi-mental :

I can understand the excitement of once again working with your lover...I sometimes wish I could have those times back. I'm so happy for you! Enjoy your time with Jo on Monday.

from enondoiel :

Hi! I just wanted to thank you for adding me to your favorites (I'm very slow,I know this), I'm returning the favor right now, I just needed some time to try and figure you out first. Can only say to have failed shamelessly, but I find myself oddly attracted to the whole diary, and my confusion probably just adds to that. Anyway, I love reading you, and I'm a very bad girl for not having added you earlier. I hope Monday will be good for you and Jo both :) Have a great evening (wouldn't you know, a Diarylander who is actually in (almost) the same time zone! You don't see that every day)! Sorry this got long...

from tiragem :

I'm not going to offer any advice simply because I don't want anything I suggest to be the cause of your demise. Besides, you know what you are going to do already anyways. I have to admit though... all this while I've been reading your diary, I've gotten insight into the mind of a cheater, and I've learned that they aren't all selfish, cold hearted arseholes after all. I sympathise with you. I hold my breath every time there's a close call, and hope that you manage to evade suspicion once again. I hope for what you hope, and I feel what you feel. On the other hand, occasionally I inadvertently wish you would get caught, because just as I sometimes put myself in your shoes, I put myself in Lynne's. I don't know... You have a life that is both terrible and wonderful. And I wish you the best with it. Whatever happens - whatever Lynne reveals she knows or doesn't know, or if Jo's hubby starts getting tizzy again... I hope that it all works out for the greater good of all - whatever *that* is. I really can't stop reading your diary though. It's such an emotional roller coaster. And I love me those amusement parks...

from imanass :

read my diary

from chaosdaily :

is it possible dave has someone in the company who can report to him if you and jo are being more than co-workers? that may be why he is letting her come back to work

from xwiseassx :

Sheesh Kevin, that was like 24 years ago. I have killed more than a few brain cells since then you know.

from awomanalone :

I have to disagree with xperi-mental, since she is making a blanket statement about women. We do not necessarily ignore something in hopes it will go away when we truly love our man. That may be the way some women handle things, but not all. And I hope not most.

from xperi-mental :

No, I wouldn't say that she knows, but if she does then she has been in denial for some time. I wouldn't bring it up to her. If you act oblivious, then she can act oblivious. Then you can both be oblivious together! Isn't marriage fun?

from chaosdaily :

kevin, looking at it from your wifes point, 1) you went out and had a good time on the weekend without her.. 2) you both had your reasons for being argumentative, whether or not the excuse was valid.. 3) her brother called and she couldnt talk because you couldnt drive... i can understand why she would be upset. tell her you love her, and show her you love her, and the two of you will be fine.

from xperi-mental :

Women have a different way of handeling adultry then men do. If we truly love our men, we try to ignore it and hope it goes away. When something isn't mentioned, does it really exist?

from chickpea981 :

Cool lips test? The comments thing is comming. Just need to find a few more hours in the day!

from tiragem :

Gee... I guess I shouldn't be so quarrelsome with Mark about him being so sex-centred huh? All men are like that apparently... And thanks for the plug... You got me a new fan! I'm going to go read him now to see how good he is. Toodles.

from xwiseassx :

I find tiragem most excellent.

from xwiseassx :

My condolences to the Consulates family. The shame of North American media is that Wacko Jacko is getting more newstime than that horrific atrocity. Again, my condolences.

from awomanalone :

I think some of the terrorists are clever enough that they're going to find a way to achieve their objective. I think they're going to do it in spite of all the "security." I think it's going to be pretty embarassing for some officials when it happens. Now that we know about their little trick with the airplanes, you think they may be working on something else??

from xwiseassx :

Hello fellow male, THAT is exactly how ALL us guys think. Don't doubt it for a second ladies.

from cozmikgurl79 :

Thanks for the note! Soooo...now, I'm sending you one. ;) I just wanted to let you know your diary has not been a disappointment, even in the littlest bit. You don't have to write explicitly about your adventures for a reader to understand what's gone on (and going on) between you and your lover...Your entries are great!

from chickpea981 :

I know that back in the day paintings reflected a lot of what was concidered beauty. There was a time when voluptuous, plump, full figured women were concidered desireable. It had something to do with the fact that if you were fat, that meant you were eating well, and if you were eating that well, then you must have money. Seems like it is the opposite now.

from poplord :

hey! would you look at that! i'm right on top of my lover! lol!

from xperi-mental :

You know, It's so sad when you have a great life while your lover struggles with theirs. It doesn't seem fair, but what can be done about it? Just try to be more sensitive towards Jo in the future. Sometimes the best thing is not to say anything at all.

from chaosdaily :

well honestly, kevin, some affairs are definetly less than ideal. if jo wants to continue, she needs to realize sometimes these things happen and people do come home unannounced. just take joy in the times you can actually be together, and remember those times, not the times on the phone...........

from awomanalone :

Genealogy is a sometimes hobby of mine. I enjoy learning about the way others lived, and I have also done that- imagining things that have happened in a specific place in the past. I encourage you to try to get your father to talk about his mother. Once the people who knew her are gone, there is no way to capture her personality, her favorite things, or her sense of humor. There are just bare facts.

from bare-my-soul :

i adore you! thanks a million. do you write for a living, because you should! love rose

from tiragem :

Cool that you were able to lose yourself in your genealogy like that... I could never see myself getting the means or interest to do so. And with respect to my diary, I have considered using entries to write my college application essays, but other than that, I would hardly reveal anything in that diary, of a serious nature or otherwise, to a college. And of course I love it when philosophy distracts me from work... I like it when anything distracts me from work... One question though... How would you feel if your wife happened to have a relationship with a guy that was similar to the relationship you had with Jo?

from co5girl :

I wish I could find out more about my family. I know that one of my great grand uncles was president of Mexico...until he was assassinated. Then all of a sudden my family lives in the US. I wonder what was going on between then.

from chaosdaily :

hi kevin.... i would think when your grandfather was 14, that was time for him to go to work. high school was not a requirement back then. my father was born in 1913, he only went through 6th grade. that was enough education for most of the country during that time. i doubt it was much different in england.

from xperi-mental :

Isn't it strange how we expect our lovers to have more freedom to be with us, and how it seems so unfair when they can't be with us all of the time. However, when it comes to our spouses, we would prefer that they not go off without us and become a bit unsetteled when they want to be by themselves. I want my lover to be treated differently from the way I treat my spouse. It's quite amusing, really.

from bare-my-soul :

oh k., too bad you're in the u-K. we could fuck each other silly on the phone couldn't we? hmmm... yes, round two. i'm a goner. love rose

from tiragem :

A guy who likes pubic hair! I thought your kind was extinct. Mark is the pedophile type who likes everything shaved :( Not that I shave completely though...

from chaosdaily :

sure they always tell me about the chocolate AFTER theyve eaten it :-((

from xwiseassx :

Between the internet and his satellite tv, he has seen the game..lol

from sexyatheist :

it's incorrect to say that reality is merely a perception. as i wrote, reality differs from perception in that it's derived from research and not conjecture or faith. based on this difference, atheists are not perceiving things, they are deriving reality from research. and as i also mentioned, atheists do acknowledge that there is a possibility of a god which once again indicates that they are dealing with a reality and not a perception. they are not basing their findings on faith, but rather research.

from awomanalone :

I don't much like pubic hair in my mouth, but I think shaved genitals look like children's genitals, and that is a big turn off for me.

from chaosdaily :

hiya kevin.... so what color is your err... ahem... hair?

from xperi-mental :

I agree with the rules, they contain logic and common sense. I fear,however, that I've lost both momentarily. I also have a lover who is determined to make me more then just his mistress. We are both a bit careless right now.

from tiragem :

That means you are keeping a great diary!!

from tiragem :

Don't worry about those militant Christians, though I am sure you are not. I'm almost jealous that you got an attack from them and not me.

from hopes-echo :

I think I may have experienced this whole..."sexual euphoria" but I'm not sure if its from the semen, the sex act, or if its from just being with the person, since I don't see him often. I think I'll go run some tests on this theory...=D

from xwiseassx :

My Dad is from Redcar and is a Boros fan. He only remembers the bonfires as a kid. Halloween did hi-jack it. As for semen being a happy drug, I too read an article about it. My wife says it cures her headaches. I never really talked about it with other women yet. Could be a good argumentive point I think...lol

from chickpea981 :

it's so good to read that you're feeling happier.

from tiragem :

That's right. $20. If you haven't received it yet, you should go see the person I gave it to. This person is the first stranger you see in the street. But he may want to be sure that he's giving the money to the right person. So you should carry some sort of identification. Like a gun.

from bare-my-soul :

i see you found one of my two soul sisters, denny-1. funny, just today iw as thinking it would be funny to write about the odd google hits, and then i read you. who else wrote about them? strange. i get a lot of "bend over the desk" and "I deserve to be spanked" google hits. what does that say about me? hmmm.... thanks for your note this afternoon. love rose

from faerieschyld :

Yup, its Garbage...i love the song they used too. Also, I must commend you, for your last entry. It was by far the most polite, sincere, and humorously honest refute, for what sounded like an extremely rude e-mail, that I've ever read. Good for you darling. =D

from chaosdaily :

hahaha someone thinks you will rot in hell?? lol i wonder who decided to make him/her god.

from xperi-mental :

Thank you for reading my diary, it's good to know that there are other people in the same situation I'm in.

from pattymelt :

yeah, i love the foreign girl one. jeff is my favorite character! i got season 2 today and have watched 2 episodes already. one of my favs - the one about going solo and jr patrick. this show is great!

from pattymelt :

yeah, i talk about "coupling" (the british version) quite a bit. the US version sucks! why?

from denny-1 :

Greetings. I would love to be added to your list...much ado. D

from xwiseassx :

You have intamacy with your lover. I couldn't do that. I can share my time, my body and my ejaculate, (minus the sperm, snip, snip), but never intimacy. That is for my wife alone. I hold her to the same standard. I do not care what or who she does but she must wake up next to me. My only wish is that she was as opened minded as I am about extra-marital relationships...lol Good to have you back writing Kevin.

from dust-settle :

your secret telling of her secret is of course safe with us. =X

from bare-my-soul :

thank u my friend. i think i'm bruised from beating myself up. that's the truth. moving forward now. i promised myself. welcome back k. love rose

from chaosdaily :

welcome back. glad your vacation went well. i drink beer now and then, not much in one day. my favorites are the darker beers, they usually are not stored as cold as the others, and just have more flavor and body. i have had guiness, and enjoy the taste of it, but 2 is my limit there!! and samuel adams makes a triple bock that is quite thick. wish i could have sampled the beers you had this past week!

from tiragem :

You've been gone so long. I was wondering if someone discovered your diary or something... Write another entry... I miss your writing.

from awomanalone :

anxiously awaiting the next entry...

from thissidedown :

i just spent an hour or so reading through your diary [when i really should be working], and i dont actually know if i should congratulate you for such an immense diary, or slap you silly for, as youve said "playing with fire"... but it was incredibly addictive read xx

from xwiseassx :

Don't go down that 'What if' road. It'll just eat you up inside. Revel in what you accomplished K. You seem to have done all right with your life.

from bare-my-soul :

do you ever imagine what your life would be like if you had married Jo? the danger is definitely in the friendship - the mental connection. anyone can have a sexual relationship. that is definitely not what bonds us. love rose

from chaosdaily :

not quite yet kevin, its in november.....

from stumblefall :

Thanks for the mention on your "motels" entry :) I've really enjoyed reading your diary, and alot of what you say and feel I'm really starting to understand the depth from my own situation. Whatever your future hold, I wish it happiness.

from xwiseassx :

No, it wasn't directed at you, it was an observation mostly, certaintly not a censure. Your recent entry disturbed me. You sound like you can suffer physical consequences in addition to some social stigma. Good luck to you.

from czarling :

Hehe...that didn't dawn on me until you reminded me! Just was wonderin', in case I just happen to be in Britain and just HAVE to have a quick go. ^_^

from icutmyself13 :

Thanks for the note darling, it was much appreciated!

from czarling :

Are there such things as 'rent by the hour' motels in England, or is that just an American thing?

from bare-my-soul :

you always have a way of cheering me up! i'm glad i finally got to see his true colors. although, i've probably known it all along - just didn't want to see it. he's selfish. i don't deserve sympathy, i need a swift kick in the arse. i think it's over. thank you for your friendship, love rose

from chaosdaily :

yea, i agree with the wiseass about john mccain. he is a MAN who could lead the country with wisdom and honesty. and he was a POW in vietnam and so understands all about war. i would vote for him any day. as to chocolate, kevin, mmmm i like all chocolate, dark mostly, my favorite is one i had from africa, it was fabulous. there are a lot of different kinds, ive made it my lifes ambition to try it all!!!! hahahhaha

from tiragem :

I wish I could say that my week long absence was due to priorities and tireless industriousness, but the truth is my computer went berserk. In fact, it was after reading your note (when it was still quite applicable) that my computer fucked up on me. I fancy that your aggressive note was the cause. Admirable job. Pity that I won't be going Cambridge or Oxford. I might have paid you a visit. Anyways, your analysis of the superficiality of American politics - DITTO! Your analysis of the previous and current record holders in Cricket - DITTO! I was planning on writing an entry on California though, but now I'm afraid. I couldn't possibly follow in the wake of something so well put.

from awomanalone :

You have my vote for best blog ever.

from sirkeljerk :

I think that what you see about Arnie's campaign is right. In fact, he won solely because he did not get into policy. If he had, which i am unsure that he is capable of doing, he would have risked pissing off his Republican base (reportedly his social views are pretty liberal) and the independent swing voters (having no real economic plan for a state that is in deseperate need). To talk about substance in this country is the kiss of death. Clinton, when he first became president did and ended up losing all control over his term b/c he pissed too many people off. Bustemante, who ran against Arnie and is a legit politician, did and he lost popularity as more people found out that he did have an economic plan, which would have raised taxes significantly. Maybe the nation is just too moderate to be able to support a politician who elucidates a realistic set of views.

from xwiseassx :

I'll give you credit, most of North America politics is a joke, that includes my Canada. Amidst all the glitz there is a true gem or two. Google John McCain, a democratic senator in America. I wish that man was Canadian, He is what all leaders aspire to be but fall miserably short. The man has integrity falling out of his ears. He was smeared so badly by the opposition, (mainly about his courage and loyaties), that even some opposition rose to his defense. His failure to win the presidential nomination was, in my eyes, by not resorting in conducting a smear campaign. Do you have this sort of deplorable politicking across the pond?

from czarling :

I don't blame you for being confused. California, to most American's is a big joke. Most of us see Cali as the superficial laughing-stock of states. Kind of like the 'special kid' in the room that no one looks at but everybody is amused with. Politics over here are corrupt and morally bankrupt, including the ones that call themselves the 'moral majority'. Just never forget: American citizens are good people. Don't let the politics cloud your judgement of us.

from chaosdaily :

hi kevin! hope you are doing well... on the politics issue, just remember, the press only tells you what they want you to hear, i dont believe anyone knows the whole story

from xwiseassx :

As a Canadian I can understand your confusion. Don't let prejudice cloud your judgement. Not all political leaders have to come from high society. A former wrestler and co-star of Arnies' became govoner of Minnesoto(sp?), Jesse, The Body, Ventura. I think these folks might have an advantage in that there is no political baggage, ie: favours, that can corrupt a term in office. That is not to say none will develop in the ensueing years. Have a look at his plan for the first 100 days. Both of his feet seem to planted firmly on the ground. So far. Have a nice day.

from bare-my-soul :

K., regarding American politics, no argument here. me and my friend Martin, who is English, had the same discussion the other day. we no longer live in a Democracy, this is a dictatorship, and the rest of it is laughable. your point well taken, and no offense here. if i could live in Europe, i would. i'm discussed with our government. love rose

from tiragem :

*blush* I feel so special. Anyways, the test results were negative. I did it wrong tho, so I'm not sure if the results are to be trusted. But that doesn't matter cause Mark got me some pills to take.. I'll write about it sometime soon. Thanks for worrying about me, and confront your fear!!! I must say it is an odd one.

from tiragem :

I like me those priorities you got there. Love is sometimes more important that money I guess. And yes, we do have testing kits in this country. Just took one. I didn't get the instructions though. I have no idea what a single blue line is supposed to mean. Mark thinks that means I'm not pregnant... Any ideas???

from bare-my-soul :

i wish Ross had his priorities in place. i am no a priority. he doesn't deserve to have an affair. Jo is a lucky woman - husband and a lover -both love her. don't you worry, K., i'll be in London in March of 2004. perhaps we can crash our own gallery opening and chat about our affairs. love rose

from sexyatheist :

but we are pretty conceited. how could we not be when we are so obviously right. god i love us atheists. we rule! and, what is a teetotallers? i am on the wrong side of the atlantic i think

from bare-my-soul :

you are such a sweetheart K, thank you. i needed to hear that, i know that emotionally. i'm nearing my brink. you enter into an affair knowing that certain allowances will need to be made, and if you're not the one who is married, you will be the one making them, but when you get virtually nothing back you're going to come up empty, and that's no fun, and it certainly wasn't what i wanted. love rose

from czarling :

Thanks for the note. I think you're right though. Strange that it works out the opposite of what I anticipated, him wanting 'meaningful' all the time when I know that's just impossible.

from bare-my-soul :

VERY well put! sorry about your computer crashing. do you believe in past lives? that perhaps the possibility exists that you and Jo were lovers in another life as well? love rose

from tiragem :

I like that - slipped disks and venn diagrams. Very creative of you. As for risqu� material of my class newspaper... I guess you have a point or four... Thank you for the origin of that quote. And your welcome for the hug.

from bare-my-soul :

wow, it seems Jo and I have some things and common. do you feel SPLIT? i read how married men who have emotional affairs begin to feel split. thank you for note about my birthmom. talk soon. love rose

from tiragem :

*hug* I hope you feel better soon. Time has a way of healing things.

from tiragem :

And nah. She did me justice. She was quite honest. And I am very impressed that you know the original birthplace of V.S. Naipaul. There are even some Trinidadians who do not know who he is.

from tiragem :

I feel so terrible for you... All this about Jo and you and all the trouble it is causing with your spouses... And that little girl. All terrible things... Terribly realistic aspects of life.. Such is life...

from chaosdaily :

what do you think? i think i would give her a hug anyway.

from tiragem :

Saved by a phone call??? You are one lucky bastard.

from bare-my-soul :

love reading you...thanks for adding me to your list, i've returned the favor. love rose

from chaosdaily :

i only meant.... you were right, men dont seem to change, maybe it has something to do with hormones/pregnancy

from chaosdaily :

i guess you're right kevin, my husb complains a lot about how much ive changed from the person he first knew.... and he seems kind of proud that he hasnt changed at all.

from tiragem :

Your rant on porn - I concur! And if you want some porn... you can download any file sharing programme (eg. KaZaA) from www.download.com and get a whole bunch of porn. Some of it ain't too bad.

from asilentplea :

I want doesnt get :) althoguh, have u ever thought about just making your own ?! that way you get what you want, the way you want it.. and u know the feelings too.. could be interesting !

from tiragem :

Hey. You could monopolise anything you want as long as you leave me compliments like that. And I'm pretty sure that precaution you took to keep your diary clandestine was unncessary. But hey. Never hurt to be extra careful.

from chaosdaily :

you're welcome.......

from chaosdaily :

hehe do i love chocolate? ....... my husband always says, if you dont want your secret to get out, dont tell anyone. fatman might slip something to his wife if he knows......

from tiragem :

I understand now. I didn't realise you loved both equally. You know you'll be found out eventually just like the "policeman", right? It can't last forever. Still I understand it being difficult to choose. I just hope that you wife will understand as well. But for now, I wish you the best of luck. More power to ya.

from tiragem :

I'll write an explanation in the form of an entry soon. I was planning to write about the kidnapping in this country anyways. And if you and Jo have been sneaking around so long, why don't you two quit your spouses and get together? And what's all this talk about clitoris size? Did I miss an entry?

from chaosdaily :

if dave is gone, thats the perfect time to have you watched, you know the saying, when the cat's away the mice will play... hes trying to catch you two playing... try calling the police and see if they will tell you who the license plate is registered to....

from purex :

On clitoris sizes.. I haven't seen many, however the girl I ate out had the same sized clit as me.. sounds like in between J and L? :)

from tiragem :

I am sincerely touched. Thank you for having my situation in a little corner of your brain. And I do not *know* if he is avoiding me, but I am *thinking* that the word "avoid" is a euphemism at best. And I don't see anything wrong with telling Jo. Nor do I see anything wrong in keeping that little secret hidden. But if it's wearing on you, tell her. What have you got to lose?

from chaosdaily :

hee hee sexyoldman is right about a lot of things;-)

from tiragem :

It's probably nothing... But I DEFINITELY would not bet my left kidney on it. You two should cool down for a while. It's only wrong if you get caught. And with something as serious as this, you do NOT want to be wrong. Be extra careful for a while. And mucho observant.

from chickpea981 :

I wish you two were more free to explore eahc other.

from tiragem :

Thanx for the note. I'm guessing that you are more acquainted with legal terms than I am, but I dunno... I still can't connect that word - rape - with my world. Maybe I'm in a state of denial. Or maybe it's my masochism prevailing... As for you diary... Interesting... I can't say I support you cheating on your wife, but I can say I'll be reading more about it. I was wondering how you came up with that name...

from chaosdaily :

kevin, get a macintosh. i have one and dont have any trouble with viruses or unwanted programs. however, there are a lot of attachment things i cant open, so you have to give and take......

from chaosdaily :

kevin, you called yourself selfish. but i dont see it that way, you love and care for your gf, thats not being selfish. you are doing what you can, calling her and giving her support. dont be so hard on yourself. oh btw, the burn scar will heal after a while

from cozmikgurl79 :

I guess you were talking about my comment...The thing is, I don't think you truly realize you're playing w/fire. When someone plays with fire, they get burned and pull their hand out of the flame without hesitation. I guess you haven't gotten burned yet...

from chaosdaily :

ok, i randomly read diaries too, i read a few of the last entries, then started at the beginning and read them all. i agree with you on a lot of points, you can love 2 people at the same time, in-laws do suck (although its my parents who interfere) and i also have had an affair, not an ongoing one, and i agree with your statement that.. paraphrased.... what they dont know wont hurt them, and its up to you to make sure they dont know. i enjoyed your diary, and your writing style, keep going!... oh and one other thing, the reason orgasms are different when the woman is very pregnant i believe is due to muscle tone, which is greatly decreased when the abdomen is swollen......

from tesscoe :

hey im addicted to your diary! i came across it accidently, me being one of those people who read random entries, read one of yours and was hooked. i have read the entire diary and its interesting, funny and intruiging (excuse the hideous spelling error probably made there). Keep it coming!

from sexyoldman :

Thanks for note...I'll ask my readers if they think clit size has anything to do with sexual stimulation and libido. I liked your entry today!

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