DiaryLand members area

I am glad you are writing here again. I decided to return today too because it in an odd way I am attached to my diary and since it has been so long since I wrote here, it feels private again.

from onebluegreen :

gmail is fine.

from onebluegreen :

I am. Where or which one is your new blog? PS I like the pink and black

from onebluegreen :

you have a new email?

from onebluegreen :

glad to hear you moved. sorry about the crackhouse. i just sent you a postcard to your old address that I wrote mid-August (but late than never).

from onebluegreen :

Unfortunately, yes, the snake was looking for the mice. For some reason I am not afraid of mice. /I know some people are offended by the term indian. I am the last of the family line who belongs to our tribe -- I am a card carrying indian and the term doesn't bother me b/c the word "america" and "american" are European words/labels too. I don't know what the land was called by the various people that were here but I know it wasn't america. But I do respect others preferences and if they don't want to be called indian I will call them native american. Interesting I had a similar conversation with a poet friend who is black -- she hates the term African-American and will correct people who refer to her that way although she most certainly is African-American. (and I've heard many A-Fs are annoyed when recent immigrants, even the ones from Africa who've had children here, don't feel those non-slave Americans should be called A-F, they feel they should be called something else). My film partner at CDS was black. She said she preferred black but she would sometimes use A-F but she had family members who only wanted A-F used. Interesting, isn't it? Words are incredibly meaningful and also sort of meaningless at the same time./what happened with your new place? when do you move?

from onebluegreen :

Thanks for the update. I bet you are exhausted. Good luck & I hope you will be moved soon.

from onebluegreen :

I think there is a Durham England. I noticed it when I typed in Durham looking for weather. Turns out there are several in the US./I am sorry about your Uncle. I won't say men are pigs but they can be and they also aren't always very smart. I mean, wouldn't be unlikely your Aunt Mom would one day say the same thing about your brother (if she and he were close the way you were?) Don't feel bad about him leaving. My friend Ben/Milkman goes on and on about how a mutual friend/Daisyman of his and his ex girlfriend Beth/Doog talked negative about relationships to Beth and he was sure it helped her decide to leave. I told Ben that people say things all the time but we are only listening for what we want (whether we realize it or not). So your Uncle Dad was looking to escape -- it wasn't really what you said. He could have seen a car commerical about freedom and the open road and gotten out of his chair and left./I am sorry it has been such a sucky, shitty time. Eventually something will turn up./Oh -- if you aren't craving cigs I wouldn't go back to it for comfort. It is such a hard habit to kick and more women die from lung cancer than breast and maybe all other cancers combined. I going for a walk or any kind of exercise helps calm me the same way eating or drinking can.

from onebluegreen :

okay. I will get a lj account tonight after I get home from work. Hope you have a good day.

from onebluegreen :

I hate when that happens. If you periodically select all and save then if you get kicked offline unless you have to restart it is saved. Or writing in Word then cut and paste. Hope things are well.

from onebluegreen :

he has had cancer for seven years. first is was colon, then liver, then lung, now bone. he has also had three heart attacks along the way. now he is in hospice care at my mom's house. i would guess he is has started the dying process. it is hard to tell if how long that takes -- two days, two weeks. right now he is sleeping. first time in two days. and luckily he doesn't seem to be in pain.

from onebluegreen :

When I write I feel like I am talking to you and strangerlucy -- the two people who read me regularly. I feel like y'all are talking when you update. That is what is such a bummer about when Jonzo and others completely and forever quit. What was insulting is the paragraph that started with 'if you expect people to buy your art' or something like that. That whole thing about social security and where is your obligations and there are other responsibilities too was aimed at me. He was talking about me. It is unfair b/c he knows I have an IRA and that I spend a lot of time trying to figure out how to live and make art. How to not be a burden. It is hard to explain but what he was saying was not nice (any of it -- including the stuff about my friend) and he made a lot of assumptions. If I had done that he would have been pissed. I do feel better, I am sorry things aren't working out but I haven't broken up yet. I just have to be pushed beyond the breaking point before I will do it. I, honestly, prefer when the other person does the breaking. But all is good. Glad to hear you are well.

from onebluegreen :

Sorry about your wreck. Glad to hear you are okay. The good news about a desk job is it often comes with computer time.

from onebluegreen :

Have a great trip! My thoughts will be with you for a safe journey.

from frenchwisk :

Desiree Paris 5245 Queen Bishop Lane Williamsburg, Va 23185 What day do you leave? Do you need anything else for your trip?

from onebluegreen :

cool. you should get autographs. i know it seems goofy but famous people are used to it.

from onebluegreen :

cool. you should get autographs. i know it seems goofy but famous people are used to it.

from onebluegreen :

Saying I liked Israel a lot sounds weird but I did. Enjoy your trip. Psssst... don't forget to take my address so you can send me a post card. :-)

from frenchwisk :

God damn I knew it!!!

from frenchwisk :

Labyrinth rocks!!!

from onebluegreen :

I am very sorry about your grandmother. I'm glad you had the chance to say goodbye.

from onebluegreen :

Hey -- I sent you an email but it bounced back. I am sorry to hear about James and your bad week. I hope things are better soon.

from onebluegreen :

I eat a lot of Chinese food. ha ha Actually that is true but I'd decided to write fortunes for my blog -- so most of those, unless they list numbers or another source were ones I'd written myself. It was fun & if I remember correctly it was useful -- it was almost like a guide for the day.

from frenchwisk :

Awesome!!! I'll make more soap and send it in your Christmas package.

from frenchwisk :

Don't fret. Remember those people are the ones with the problem, not you. You really should feel sorry for them, because people will remember tham as rude and bitchy. While people will remember YOU as a sweet and caring person. You will find yuppies everywhere. There is no getting away from it. If it makes you feel better I love you and thing you're the sweetest person EVER!! Have a good pajama day!

from jonzo :

so how the hell am i supposed to read about the adventures of lauren with no damn password, what is the world coming to? e-mail me, [email protected]

from onebluegreen :

Congrats on the computer.

from onebluegreen :

I called them art tatoos b/c they are temp tatoos that you often can buy in museum shops. He gave me a set of Native American, Ancient Mexican and Egyptian Gods and Goddesses. http://store.yahoo.com/doverpublications/0486426580.html

from onebluegreen :

A temporary placement agency -- like Kelly Girls, Adecco or Manpower. They are in the phone book under employment agencies. I worked at one when I got out of school. Companies hire temps from agencies to fill in when people are on vacation or that kind of thing or it is a way of "trying" an employee. Many people get hired full time from a temp job. Often it is office work. I don't know if it will help or if the work will interest you but sometimes temp agencies is the easiest way to get work.

from onebluegreen :

Waiting sucks but often finding a job is just trying and trying and trying. You'll find something soon (and something you like) & then you will daydream about sleeping and playing video games.

from sassypsycho :

Dont worry babe you'll find a job soon enough. Sorry if I've been a tad bit angry lately it's all the stress building up on me. Oh and as for Josh he has a week and a half to get a job if he doesnt get one in that time its the curb for him. His freeloading days at my expenses are over. Love you

from frenchwisk :

Don't worry because it's been two days. On the 4th day go back and just say that you put in an application and you wanted to check on it. I've gotten calls weeks after I put in an app. Don't worry you'll find something soon. You're a good worker. PLUS, you're cute.

from onebluegreen :

I have never learned to like coffee. Not even when I worked in a coffee shop. I drink coke and dr pepper so I figured I didn't need another habit. I, do, however, always keep good coffee on hand guests. I love food, esp. ethnic food, I make great sauage gravy, but I don't like seafood. I think I may have been a shrimp in my last life.

from frenchwisk :

Shut the hell up!! I don't have a computer! I'll update when I have one. Punk!!!

from jonzo :

sounds like a shoulderblade or ankle placement to me.

from jonzo :

well, i have always been partial tot he small of the back, but that doesn't lend itself well to a small tattoo. Do you want it to be seen by casual observers or just james?

from onebluegreen :

I did like Run Lola Run. It was created earlier but the format and changing possibilities reminded me of Go, Memento, and even Sliding Doors. It was a cool movie.

from revolte :

it's specifically for photography. and thanks for the book recommendation.

from frenchwisk :

BLOODY HELL!!! I'm tied with James!! WOW! And Harry Potter should be first damn it! Thanks for that though.

from frenchwisk :

HEY!!! There is cosmetology school HERE!!!!!!!!! :)

from onebluegreen :

In relation to the movie and aging, most of my life I have placed a great emphasis on people and relationships. There aren't many decisions I made from the age of 18 on that I didn't somehow view through a filter of my relationships. In retrospect it seems to be much like the woman in the movie. My relationship (whichever one it was at the time) would have survived me going, doing, traveling, working certain jobs, etc and if it hadn't then the relationship wasn't nearly as strong as I thought. Two weeks before I was to take the Va Bar my b/f, later husband, now Ex's mother died. I spent most of those two weeks comforting him instead of studying. It was my choice and even at the time I knew if the situation was reversed his choice would have been to focus on the test. Then, and for years and years I said I chose people over things. In the last year or two an older woman said to me "No, you chose someone else over yourself." I had never thought about it that way but she was right. I think many women in their 20s (myself included) spend the most of the time pleasing others. They please their parents, then their teachers or their boyfriends. It isn't until a woman has done all of the things society still expects of her (whether that is being sexy, a vamp, a good girl, a career woman, a mother) and she is somewhere between her 30s and 50s that she can finally start to tell what other things she also wanted but put aside. Yes, I know this is long and windy and what does it all mean if no matter what you do that when you are older you look back and think I wished I had married for love, or gotten my degree, or lived on my own, or had a family, or . . . I don't know other than to say try not to ever not do something just b/c you think your relationship with your family or lover couldn't withstand it b/c love can.

from onebluegreen :

No, I won't be offended. It would be nice to see it again.

from onebluegreen :

No, I didn't know that. It also refers to a real region, a group of people, near Prague. Weird, huh?

from frenchwisk :

Don't feel like a bum. I got up for an hour to go to the hospital, got back into bed and slept until 3 in the afternoon. So there!! I out bummed you. HA!

from onebluegreen :

Yes the chalkboard and rugs that I am using as bathroom rugs are from the Swell collection. I have the pale color round target rug (the real one for the bathroom is bright is bright)and I bought a pink and green rectangular rug that has pom poms on the edge. It is another one of the pink and green I want. They sold out of the rug in two days!

from onebluegreen :

Of course the update was appreciated. It really does sound like things are going well with you and James and this summer, even though it will involve school, will be a nice break away from your parents.

from frenchwisk :

Oh, it WAS appreciated. I'm glad you had such a good time and things are going well. Talk to you soon. Love you.

from frenchwisk :

I'm glad you got there well. Those prayers worked after all. If you could, please send some extra prayers my way. I need them. Also, please ask your mom to check her email if/when you talk to her. Thank you. Have a wonderful time. Love you.

from frenchwisk :

I cherish you.

from jorod74 :

i like bad movies- and yes Naked Lunch is a bad movie. so is Dolemite, but ya gotta love Rudy Ray Moore... okay, try anonadada72...she is woman, hear her roar. peace.

from onebluegreen :

I thought the reading list for both classes looked good too. I will let yo know the assignments.

from jorod74 :

1.Naked Lunch- yep it was a movie... 2.Naked Lunch or Maus... 3.Run D.M.C.- Raising Hell 4.tatnan that work for now? if not, then: "Quant an courage moral, il avait trouve fort rare, disait-il celui de deux heures apres minuit; c'este-a-dore le courage de l'improviste."- napoleon bonaparte. ;)

from onebluegreen :

optional fields are things that can appear on your page every time. like a question update. You can create three optional fields listing what you are reading, eating, wearing that kind of thing. I used to have them set up but in my former template I could never get them to work.

from asteroidbelt :

1. battle royale is an awesome movie. 2. minor charcters by joyce johnson 3. the sonics 4.me

from frenchwisk :

Your last entry.

from frenchwisk :

I enjoyed that. Thanks.

from onebluegreen :

I don't know what kind of optional fields. I don't remember the context. (ha ha ha) Is that soemthing I said?

from frenchwisk :

I can't wait to talk to you too. If only you would get on-line before 3 in the morning! The weekend was BUSY and we're STILL not finished. That's another story. I'll explain when I have a minute to update. Sigh* Time for football!!!

from frenchwisk :

It's an hour after you posted that. I'm on- line NOW. Shoot!

from onebluegreen :

It is always good to write. Sounds like a nice day. Yes, I was wearing black. And I have been told I wear a fair amount of black. Lately, even though it is sort of passe, I have been thinking of having my colors done.

from tattodnanny :

Sean Biggerstaff (teehee!) is the guy who played Oliver Wood, who isn't in Prisoner of Azkaban. and Lucious is not listed in the credits at all, so I guess he's just not in this one. quell suckage.

from sassypsycho :

what the hell are you talking about?

from frenchwisk :

You BETTER wait until I get home to get that tattoo. If you're not going to get your hair coloured, I can do that for you. Just an idea. Think about that tattoo. What will you get? 'I love aunt Desiree'?? Sounds good to me. Talk to you later. Love you. Aunt Desiree

from onebluegreen :

I know you are pissed and I would keep asking but I don't think anything else is really worth it in the long run. But then I am a very nonconfrontational kind of kid.

from frenchwisk :

Oh the washette! I am very glad you went 'window shopping.' Now we know exactly what to get when I get home (which is in 29 days! Not that I'm counting.) Glad the shopping trip went so well. Talk to you later. Love you. Aunt Desiree

from oleanderdiva :

I'm glad you're happy, too. AWW!!! Shana

from oleanderdiva :

Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm coming into town late tonight, but I'm gonna call you anyway, so be prepared. LOVE YA!!! Shana

from jonzo :

sorry, i've been sick, and uber-crazy at work. I'll try to catch up to you this afternoon.

from jonzo :

sorry, i've been sick, and uber-crazy at work. I'll try to catch up to you this afternoon.

from frenchwisk :

That just made my day! It's true, each day IS better, because it's one day closer to coming home. Yeah, you're going to have to work on that speeding. It isn't REALLY driving unless you're going AT LEAST 10 miles over. Talk to you later. Love you. ~Aunt Desiree

from jorod74 :

i have a favor to ask, if it is not too forward. Can i email you a short story I wrote? my email address is [email protected] if you want to send me your address. thank you.

from jorod74 :

EMT working on the paramedic license. and thank you, thank you so much for understanding.

from jorod74 :

luv the new look. and enjoy the focus. just crank up Dragula and speed like hell through daleville just once for me, okay? peace.

from onebluegreen :

Thanks for the thoughts. I don't think he is purposefully being an ass and I am sure when this comes back up he will be very spologetic but it was just annoying and hurtful. I am glad James is back and things are going well. I like the template it is pretty. I always see so many that I think I should change my template monthly.

from sassypsycho :

oh CindaLauren and while you're at it pick up the plants and sweep under them! bleh I love you hope you had fun tonight

from jorod74 :

National Geographic, PBS, and of course, being weird helps make it easier to find out this stuff. I just wish i could remember the exact gas that gets vented. Girl, never look at anything head on; tilt the picture 45 degrees to either side and look at it again. easier still, look at things the way you look at clouds...find what's hidden within. do that, and even after a mystery is solved, it can still mystify you for a lifetime.

from frenchwisk :

WOW!!! Nice template!! Yeah you have an influence. I was thinking, as I was updating, "I SOOOO just stole this from Lauren." So, I guess you're just that cool. I have class, so I won't be online until 10 ish. Love you. Aunt Desiree ;)

from jorod74 :

a woman begging for something- and from me? wow! i am blushing. Well, can't let the girl down after that, can I? here is the lame answer to life's riddle: Gas pockets. underground gas vents crack and the gas bubbles escape to the surface in large doses. the ocean boils, then the bubbles break and the gas rises. this affects a plane's lift and the plane falls. it also robs a ship of its ability to float, and glub, glub, the ship sinks to the bottom. TA-DAH! You learn something each day, babe. peace.

from jorod74 :

one down, several to go. I can explain the bermuda triangle thing. But it sounds insipid and lame. just wish they'd work on cancer as much as the triangle or Bigfoot, eh?

from onebluegreen :

you host your images elsewhere but make sure in the template your write the url for the code to be elsewhere. Right click James' template,view source and look at his code specifically where it lists the urls for the images. (PS the week will be over soon)

from onebluegreen :

Lavendar is a calming scent it helps with sleep. And there is something called Bach's Flower (that is the brand) Rescue Remedy that is a natural stress reliever. A friend of mine who is a flight attendant uses it when he travels so he is able to sleep. I was just thinking the same thing -- I could use something for myself.

from jorod74 :

don't get me started on other dothan landmarks- or a few in enterprise ;) because i have stories to tell, dear. my entry about getting punched in the eye, was about Grand Central Station, for example.... peace.

from jorod74 :

The festival was fun, although the rides were not my thing. (fear of heights.) anyway, it was pretty fun for me considering all the cute girls and the way they ignored each other talking on separate cell phones. Friendship has changed, huh? oh, funny you said fuck Dakota Coffee works. that was the place I was talking about having sex in...the one by Bruno's. just a fantasy, ya know.

from frenchwisk :

Hey check out teenfreeway.com. You can get a bunch of free stuff. Click on "teens make money" (left column)and they will pay you to take surveys on products and stuff!! It's neat. Thought you would like it.

from frenchwisk :

It was supposed to be an 8, but I hit the shift button and got *. Sorry, I fixed it.

from jonzo :

yeah, she loved the gift, she opened it all the night beofre except the letter, mostly because she was gonna be carrying two bags on, and i didnt' want to hand her a big box to carry right before she got ont he plane, so i gave it all to her to pack the night before. I was rewarded handsomely for my effort ;) Anyway, talk to you later, Jon

from jonzo :

hey, there is no way you'll find an edited version of "a clockwork orange". Kubrick would never allow such a thing, you should buy it and tape out the bard parts if you really want to, but they are what makes the movie. Don showed it in a class i took from him one time. Anyway, i'm at work today so on all day, look me up later. Jon

from marlajo91 :

Nice diary....come to mine!!!! You're a great poet.

from jorod74 :

patience, my friend. all i can tell you is that as long as you have someone that will stand up for you, to tell you they indeed love you, there will always be a ray of light for you to follow- and it will lead to better days. your time will come and it will be better than you can imagine. till then, i'll keep reading and wishing you well.

from onebluegreen :

*Hugs* You don't have much longer to wait. I hope this doesn't sound weird but in the meantime you know there are always shelters that would be happy to help. There may be more options than you think.

from invisibledon :

Happy Halloween 03

from sassypsycho :

I love you, and thank you for setting this up now I'm an even bigger e-geek.

from onebluegreen :

Congratulations!

from onebluegreen :

Congratulations!

from greengrin :

View orchardroad diary for review of "Life is Beautiful".Interesting read.

from oleanderdiva :

Yeah, you liked that,huh?...I had some stuff to get off my chest. Anyway, how are you feeling? Any better??? Just let me know.... best wishes and all that jazz, Shana... :)

from onebluegreen :

Oh. Duh. Look at the Big Brain on Misty too bad it doesn't always work. Thanks. Ahh, now I get it. (Thanks. That was a great fortune.)

from onebluegreen :

Good and true fortune. You are lucky I had take out tonight and didn't get a cookie. :(

from invisibledon :

thank you for adding me to your favorite list

from onebluegreen :

Did the Insteads ever work? I do feel better unexpected and early deaths always catch me by suprise. You do need to do what you want and need to do. When do you think you will be able to move?

from anhelo :

I feel infinite. Do you?

from oleanderdiva :

Hey hon. I hadn't heard from you in a while and I just wanted to check up on you... I called a few times, but got your answering machine. Hope everything's good and I hear from you soon. Write back. Shana

from jorod74 :

i have been in the same insomniac state before; it is the worst because it never helps and only adds to that off-kilter feeling and it snowballs into your other feelings. start with your boyfriend, girl and count the list of blessings from there. the good may not equal the bad, but it helps. and that is a start towards some happiness. peace.

from frenchwisk :

Amen to crappy relationships! I love you. I know you don't want to hear it, but keep your head up. I have faith in you.

from frenchwisk :

Umm.... I don't think I was talking about YOU!!!! I'm glad everything is working out for you. Sorry about your dad. I'll try to call you later. Love ya' Aunt Desiree p.s.- start planning that God mother ceremony.

from onebluegreen :

At first it is tricky but once you get the hang of it they are very comfortable and I am a big fan.

from sprhrgrl :

Yep, done now. I'm sprkid on livejournal, if you ever want to look me up.

from crapstein :

So you like HGTV? You should try Animal Planet, That's my Baby and Animal Cops are my favorite shows ever.

from onebluegreen :

Yeah, yesterday I was at home working and the computer was a magnet so I updated a lot. The b&w inkblot is a flower. I will have to try and see the devil.

from jonzo :

Glad i could make you laugh, it seems to be a speciality of mine. Makes up for the horribly disfigured look i have. Just kidding. You will most certainly have to come visit misty sometime, if for nothing else than for playing with the remote-controlled fireplace. That, and you never know what redneck is gonna ring the doorbell in the middle of the night. Those and the red sofas make her house almost theme-park like. I kid, I kid. later

from jonzo :

i see you are familiar with the famous "Red Sofas of Goodview". And i see down below you've been invited to spend some time on them. I'll warn you, they will suck you in. Before you know it, you'll be living here permanently because you can't remove yourself from the sofas. They have this mystical fabric tractor beam. LOL. Okay so that was little tongue-in-cheek, but anyway. Sorry it takes me so long to return notes. I'll try to keep up better. I get so few, that it is almost depressing to go to that page. needless to say, i was pleased to see one. And now, you've gotten one back that is much too long, and will end here...

from frenchwisk :

I GOT THE TATTOO!!! Read my diary for play-by-play details!! Love ya'.

from frenchwisk :

I'm SOOO proud of you, my God daughter.

from onebluegreen :

Yes m'am I have two red sofas (it is a sectional thingy) and remote controlled fireplace. Roger said he thinks it is the coolest thing he ever bought. He decided to test it out mid-July on one of the hottest nights we'd had. We had guests sleeping in the next room and I had to tell him he couldn't burn the fireplace because they were roasting. Stubborn like a child he then would click it on for a sec then click it off. He did that for at least an hour or so amazed each time the flame flickered on. You are more than welcomed to come to Roanoke to hang out and visit. I am about 4 hours from DC in case you have never been there.

from onebluegreen :

I am very proud of you. Not an easy thing to do but probably an important one.

from frenchwisk :

Wow! I love reading your diary, because my name is usually in it. Plus, it's ususally something nice and sweet. I understand about you changing, but to be honest, I've never seen you as a selfish person. Hmm. I think it's good you're trying to put the Allison Cole thing behind you. It makes you such a big person. The system does stink. (Everything else in your diary will have to be talked about on the phone.) Koodles to you!! Don't worry, I'm sure the "chick magnet" will be a great hit. I'm trying to call you know, but the line is busy.

from oleanderdiva :

Should have been out a long time ago huh? well, just so happens I did call that day Jeff and I came to town: both your lines were busy. As for the day I cleaned my house for $20... I had no gas money to even get back to Troy (for those of us with expenses beyond coffee and cigarettes, not having a job is an issue). And wow!!! you put forth an effort to try and see me, huh? I've only invited you up here to visit the WHOLE TIME I'VE LIVED HERE! If you think that I should value our friendship over all others, then maybe you should think about what that means to you too. Jeff (who you don't know and shouldn't attack because he happens to be amazing and wants to meet you) is important to me... I talk about him a lot because he's here. James, your life and love and all you care about, is your boyfriend/fiancee. I understand that your time and emotion is taken up by him... I understand. Do not give me shit for "not being there for you" when I couldn't call you because I had no money for a calling card and called you (2nd only to the call to my mother) as soon as I got one. I left you a note on my weblog as well... and I'm not mad at you for talking shit. I'm hoping that you'll see my point on a lot of things and forgive me. I think we both still have a lot to learn on how to make this friendship work long distance and with both of us having limited time to see one another. I do still care and I hope you'll cool down enough to see that I never got anything but emotional support out of our relationship, so there was no benefit for me beyond that. I was the one who bought things, who payed for gas, who drove you around... and I don't fault you for any of it: I know you had no money or a car. But don't act like I'm some shithead when the only one who has ever really benefitted from our friendship is you, and now that you have James you don't need me for any of those things, so talking shit is a little easier. I still value our friendship and need it, as well. I'll be around when you're ready to forgive me for the heinous crime of being broke and having other friends.

from frenchwisk :

What's html???

from frenchwisk :

AUGH!!!! I'll cross my fingers! AND THE HEAVENS OPENED UP AND GOD SAID "LET THERE BE LIGHT." Talk to you SOON. Love you.

from frenchwisk :

Lauren, You're the best! I'm really sorry you haven't been feeling well. Would some cookies and specialty teas and coffees make you feel better? Hope you feel better soon. I love you. Desiree Don't you hate those wake up for fake dreams?

from frenchwisk :

Ha ha funny funny.

from onebluegreen :

The coffeeshop sounds cool. Have you found a place? We have this old photomat booth (drive through picture developing) that someone turned into a drivethrough gourmet coffee shop (I understand there are a ton of such things in big cities). It has windows on both sides. It is called Java the Hut and it does really well. Kind of reminds me of the drivethrough daiquiri huts in New Orleans. Well, I am seem to writing some kind of James Joyce stream on consciousness note so I am going to stop now.

from frenchwisk :

Lauren, I'm sorry. I hope I didn't make it feel like I was lecturing you. I wanted to be there for you, but I didn't mean to come across as anything but a good listener. I love you and I hope you know that. Anyway, sorry if I made you feel bad. That's the last thing I would ever want you to feel.

from frenchwisk :

Lauren, I love you. Put me down for some of that lip gloss!! Don't listen to what anyone says. Keep your head up. Promise me you won't go anywhere. I need you to much. Your my best friend (and god daughter)!!! My life would never be the same without you. Everything will work out. (It always does). Keep the faith.

from onebluegreen :

Another great Southern Women movie is "Cookie's Fortune" -- it is really funny and good in case you haven't seen it.

from onebluegreen :

http://quizilla.com/users/Shirono/quizzes/The%20inner%20color%20quiz%20(Utena%20Images) I think that should be the link. Sorry about that. I love fall weather too although it has been the season for me to be dumped as well.

from oleanderdiva :

Fuck you Lauren!! Fuck you for sitting there talking about slitting your wrist or being found dead in your bed. Fuck you!!!!! You sit there and act all tough and hard core, but you are such a fucking phony if this is what you're reduced to when he's going out of town for a little while and you're fighting.... he's alive... he's safe... you guys are just in a rough spot... WORK will help make it better--- NOT resigning yourself to death because it gets hard. you're stronger than that, you love him more than that, and you're better than an honorless death. I'm coming home on Sunday... I'll stop by.

from learnings :

hold on, it's gonna be okay. I know that sounds like small comfort, but things will get better, even if you don't see how they can. Remember that YOU are strong, and that your strength comes from within, never from someone else. You can never forget how much you matter in this world, in ways you don't even understand. You're worth fighting for more than anyone else, so stand up and fight through this until you finally understand why you've been fighting so hard.

from onebluegreen :

Hey hey hey you. I am sorry the two of you are fighting but no person no matter how much you love them is worth your life. There are people who care deeply and just like you have been down dark dark roads before this too shall pass. If you stay together maybe couples counseling would help because people who love each other should be able to work their way out of fights without inflicting so much damage. *hugs*

from onebluegreen :

I will post photos of the purses. I should have them up by the end of this weekend. I thought having something stuck on your teeth was funny. I have never had that one before. Be careful about brushing your teeth a lot you can wear off the enamel and that really sucks.

from onebluegreen :

I thought you would look like a redheaded Amelie but you look more sophisicated and less cutesy. I am just teasing you about your journal.

from frenchwisk :

Hey Hey Hey!!! Lauren your diary kicks butt. I can do so much. I did fill out my profile, so I don't know why it isn't working. Thanks for all your help. You're the spice of life.

from onebluegreen :

I would love to go back school.

from onebluegreen :

I am sorry about your job. It sounds like it is a mixed blessing. I hope you find something you like better. (Psssst...there is a photo from my bday on page) Hope James is better soon.

from learnings :

hey, thanks for the heads up about the birth control. So far this new pill has been working really well though, so I'm crossing my fingers. I'm sorry about the finals, but try not to worry. Just talk to the instructors and explain what happened. It might help if you're totally ready to go when you talk to them, and at the end of the story just say "If you want me to write the exam now, that's totally fine". Good luck!

from onebluegreen :

Nice new template -- although I think the girl link is broken

from onebluegreen :

Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear Lauren, Happy birthday to you.

from onebluegreen :

I looked at MTSU and it looks like a nice place. There are so many school around Nashville I am sure you will find one you like who also will give you m-o-n-e-y. You know what I think would be a good, flexible, bohem yet pratical major -- a double major say in Spanish (or whichever language appeals to you) and journalism or communication.

from onebluegreen :

See, I told you by tomorrow your older entries would have changed and they have. It look great. I would pick this template.

from onebluegreen :

I understand about the missing E thing completely. Just last night I went to a movie and as I walked out I wished R had been there, wondered what he would have thought, whether he would have wanted to go to the movie -- and lots of other things. It is like carrying on an almost continuous conversation in my head with him. Sometimes I email what I have thought and other times I keep it to myself. So if you were just venting then I am sorry I gave you a pep talk. We all need to vent without being given suggestions or solutions.

from onebluegreen :

Sometimes we all think we can see so clearly what someone else should do and it looks easy and we don't understand why they just don't do it. But you are right to move out in your own time. The one thing I have heard older woman say they regret -- that they would do differently if they were to do it over again -- is to have lived on their own before they got into a serious relationship or got married. Relationships are so pressing it is hard to imagine to acting on them right now, at this moment because what if later it is too late. But the truth of the matter is what is meant to be is meant to be and relationships only grow stronger when each person is allowed to do what they want to do while still paying attention to the relationship. There is a way to do both -- in fact, it is necessary to do both because otherwise if each person doesn't do those things they want to do over time what was so attractive about the other person is no longer there -- the person has gotten stale b/c they have put all of their energies into the relationship and not into themselves. I have a hard time remembering that myself but I know it is true. If it even remotely interests you you should look at schools elsewhere. With schools in California, for instance, you may be able to get mad scholarships b/c you are from the East Coast and they want a variety of students in their student body. Going so far away may seem hard but I swear it is possible and your relationship with E if it is meant to be will be okay in the meantime and eventually stronger. I make a point to not regret, esp if I have learned from my mistakes, but the one thing I do regret was when I was in school not going abroad. I guess I thought it would be too expensive. And then there was always some reason -- my boyfriend, I would miss my school's junior dance when we got our rings, I would miss the room lottery (which was a big deal b/c we all had to live on campus) -- but really none of those things mattered that much but to have spent a semester or year in Italy, or England, or in Latin America -- now that would have mattered. Just remember to always listen to that small voice inside you.

from seanandjacob :

So what's Elliot been up to? I would liken to know. Sean out!

from onebluegreen :

Hey -- I was going to send you a postcard but I cannot find your address. Email it to me at my aol one. Thanks.

from onebluegreen :

I am glad you had a good weekend and time with E. :-)

from ineedyouso :

did you know 'shirts and gloves' was said to be inspired by dawson's creek? dissapointing in a way..

from onebluegreen :

http://www.mccanns.ie/pages/products1.html It is like regular oatmeal but it is different.

from onebluegreen :

In my house I have the same bright light problem when I am trying to sleep. It was a real mix cd. It had been left for my niece. I don't know it was under the pillow. It was a pretty good mix so I made a copy of it.

from onebluegreen :

Sorry you are having a bad day. Good luck finding your jeans.

from onebluegreen :

God is a lot bigger and much more generous than we ever give him credit for. Humans are small but God which is love is huge. You will use your gifts when the time is right and it may be in a very different form from what has been told to you but that is okay. All humans, even extremely good ones, have ideas of how things should be but they can be wrong. E has a while to figure out what is going to happen and it may change a thousands times before it does finally happen. No one would want to disappoint their parents but there will come a time when your parents will disappoint you and you will disappoin them. Part of growing and becoming your own person is recognizing your parents are people and struggle with their own issues too (that usually happens first) then eventually if you are ever to lead your own life and not their or anyone else's version of what your life should be you might make decisons the disagree with. I am not suggesting you move in -- I really don't think it is something you are going to have to worry about for a long time -- I say these things because I wish someone had told me. I was always a good girl, a people pleaser, a good student. I am still all of those things but not at the cost of myself any more. I feel like every year I become more and more of who I am and who I was intended to be whereas before I was more likely to go out of my way, even if it might make me unhappy, to not hurt someone else's feelings or the make them angry or to not disappoint them (that one was almost as bad if not worse than making them angry). I don't if any of this makes any sense but worry about it, worry about E, worry about how to deal with your parents in relation to your relationship but don't get too distracted from those things that relate to who you are and what you need to do.

from ineedyouso :

i hope your valentines day turned out okay.. i read your last entry and felt comforted because i get happy when magazines come for me too.. i have always wanted to work for one or have my own. too cool, we're alike!

from onebluegreen :

Thanks for wishing me a Happy V Day. It made my morning. In relations to the person I care about today sucks. As far as I can tell R chose not recognize the holiday -- not even with a note that said Hi. I could be wrong mabye next week something will come rolling in from overseas from him. But until then it is hard not be super grumpy about it. I have a gallery opening tonight that I am going to with friends so that will be fun. As for your V Day -- I am so sorry. That really sucks. I hope you are able to see him a little this weekend.

from onebluegreen :

If you *wear* you can have the same effect of giving it by letting him know early on (when nothing can be done about it) that you are wearing his gift.

from onebluegreen :

Either -- although giving it as a gift first adds twice as much fun to the present for him. He opens, sees it, imagines you wearing it, then you wear it, and he gets to see it on you. It sounds like a fun Valentine's Day.

from onebluegreen :

A cute escort. Go you.

from onebluegreen :

Congrats on being a nominee. I hope you feel better and are less busy soon. Have a great weekend.

from aigre-douce :

Fine, I'll write myself a note!

from onebluegreen :

Of course I don't mind you asking what Bitter Heart blocks are. This year I wasn't feeling much in the spirit of Valentine's Day but everywhere I went starting right after New Year's I have been assaulted with hearts and V Day related items. I felt very bah humbuggish about it. Finally, I got the idea that wouldn't it be funny to have candy hearts that say "kiss my ass" or "I hate you." In other words anti Valentine's Day stuff. The thought of giving out those kinds of candy hearts made me laugh. About this time, Studios on the Square, the working artist gallery where I just started renting a studio had a call to artists for V Day related pieces. They are going to have open house on V Day and show all the work. I don't normally like themes and I didn't feel sweet enough to be able to pull out something romantic or tradtional. Then I thought about my bitter candy hearts idea. I took 54 wood blocks that I'd cut to go into one of the art vending machines. I pushed them together and painted all kinds of hearts on the front. Then I typed a bunch of "candy heart" break up words like "you'll never change" "I hate you" "I don't love you any more". I am going to put those typed words inside a litte paper pink heart (so it will look like a candy heart) then collage it to the blocks. Each block will have one heart. Then I typed up 54 ways people have left their lovers (meaning when or how): 1. left note and ring on pillow; 2. in car in between a wedding and the reception. 3. Slept with boyfriend's best friend." I am going to put one way on the back of each block. The blocks can be bought as one piece of art or the blocks can be bought separately. I have nick named the piece "Bitter Hearts". Even though in some ways it is harsh, I am hoping it is also funny, and universal. The shadow side of V Day's because people aren't always in a happy relationship when V Day rolls around. I will try to take a photo of it and post it on my diary. Maybe Valentine's Day. . . ha ha

from onebluegreen :

from greenpillars :

nope i dont check mine much. um i could not remember what it was called, i called it the wrong name the cd i did. anyways i did not know that now i do. yeah, so i guess thats all. yada yada,i really dont know what i am talking about.

from onebluegreen :

E-mail me your address and I will send a camera. It might take a couple of weeks b/c I am behind on a bunch of stuff but I promise it will arrive. Being a good gf, in addition to being a good lover (which never hurts), also means having your own life and not being available 24/7. I say that b/c while it seems right to be Super Girlfriend that accidentially turns into being a doormat by being too accomodating. I am not a game player (I hate them) and I am not advocating playing hard to get or to try and make E jealous but I do know that everyone is a lot more interesting when they have stuff going on in their lives and the other person thinks 'hey, I wonder what they are doing tonight?'

from greenpillars :

what about one hundred thousand eyeballs??? is that old, i dont know i got them both at the same time.

from onebluegreen :

I am sorry it was roller coaster of a time. I could give you a lot of platiudes about relationships but I don't think they really help. I, too get excited when a guy comes on the bling (except this guy's icon roars and when I hear that stupid noise my heart starts to pound). It is a long distance "relationship" except he lives thousands of miles away and there really is another girl except that relationship exists (I think) over there. Anyway, some things get better in relationships but other things don't. I do know worrying and hinting about the girl won't make her go away it just make it go underground even if it is harmless. The only thing you can do is be honest but also live your own life in addition to waiting till you get to E again. Does that make any sense? BTW I think you should photograph every day on the way to classes. Take just one. The collection of photographs at the end of the semester will be interesting solely because of the passage of time. Imagine photographing the same street corner every day from your car window. If you need a camera let me know I may have an old one.

from onebluegreen :

I would be annoyed to. It is nice to have major life decisons shared before instead of after. However wanting to be a journalist could work out well with your relationship. You can do free lance work for magazines or you might be able to do newspaper work. This past spring I saw Geraldine Brooks, a former Middle East reporter, speak. She wrote "The Nine Parts of Desire" a book about some of her experiences overseas. I loved it. She also has written fiction. I thought she was way cool and I wished I had done something like that. I still can (I know) but my foucs has shifted a little -- I like to travel for play not for work.

from onebluegreen :

Yes, I think, my friend is doing okay. I hope he stays that way because it was so scary. I, too, am thinking of getting in shape. Good luck.

from onebluegreen :

Thank you for the compliment on my template. It was designed by Lex. She does a beautiful job. I think that it just a feeling we get -- that people don't know how much we need them or how much we care -- usually they are thinking the exact same thing.

from ineedyouso :

i hope your day was better than mine, which is hoping a lot considering my day was wonderful. i love your notes :]

from onebluegreen :

Thanks for the note. I agree. I understand their advice but I am what I am. I am sorry you have had such a rough time. It is impossible to tell why people, esp. parents, do what they do. Sometimes though your friends appreciate when you ask them to help you -- it gives them a way to be a friend to you.

from ineedyouso :

the "you could slit my throat" is from Taking Back Sunday- You're So Last Summer.. it's one of my favorite lyrics too, just because it is so honest. i love it.

from ineedyouso :

the "you could slit my throat" is from Taking Back Sunday- You're So Last Summer.. it's one of my favorite lyrics too, just because it is so honest. i love it.

from onebluegreen :

Yes, I do understand about ironic music. I liked your sticky poems. I have always been a big fan of magnetic poetry. You can play it online too. http://magneticpoetry.com/magnet/index.html Hope today goes okay.

from onebluegreen :

I hope in spite of everything you had a Happy New Year.

from greenpillars :

UM, YOU DONT KNOW ME BUT I JUST WANTED TO LET YOU KNOW THAT YOUR DIARY IS INTERESTING

from onebluegreen :

Thanks, it was nice to get a note. Merry Christmas to you too. I am also feeling kind of crabby but I know better than get excited about New Year's -- that holiday always sucks -- but maybe your luck is better than mine.

from onebluegreen :

Thanks for taking my survey. My least favorite place to be touched is usually my stomach. Once in a while, on what feels like a skinny day, it is okay. Otherwise even as I feel the tingly sensation from being touched I am also cringing because the tummy is where I carry any excess weight. I read back several entries. You seem happy -- what happens on January 3 that could change things?

from ineedyouso :

thanks so much for liking my diary.. you made my night brighter :]

from ask-ender :

I have read perks and yeah, it is completely and utterly brilliant. Thank you for the suggestion though, you are beyond right. <3 bp*

from aclearersky :

look at me making a diary up in here! i needed a super secret diary so i could post freely. there are too many eyes reading my livejournal that like to gossip. we will be workin it this weekend, if ya know what i mean! you can't expect to get over having a boyfriend/elliott this quickly. it took me quite awhile to become unbitter and keep my head on straight around boys. although being in love is where it's at, remaining cautious at first is always a must or you might end up being blinded by love. but seriously, don't take my advice, i can't open up to any guy, haha. <3 MIK

from mustangusmc :

Thanks so much for taking a little time to fill out my silly survey. I really enjoy getting different perspectives on things, especially reading the responses to surveys. If its ok with you I am going to read your diary.....J

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