messages to amb1valent-k:
(click here to add new message):

from nixtress :
Are you writing elsewhere? I remember you...
from pink-fairy :
You are still on my buddy list but as it's taken me 85 days to notice your update you can see it is not very often that I use this thing either!
from misselyssa :
I remember you. Funny that I just happened to log on to find an old entry. I'm writing now at mymandorla.wordpress.com and love visitors. If you do keep writing, let me know - I'd love to hear what you're up to. Be well :)
from violetsmile :
Yay!!!! You're back!! I'm still here! I was Avalonte then Ava-reborn! Or, more importantly, a coffee date in London!! ;-) Lol! Lots has changed with me! I don't update very often though. I hope you're back to stay! I want to know what's been going on with you!
from nixtress :
I've thought of you often. I hope you're doing well.
from enigma1111 :
Hello K, I think I know you from years ago on diaryland. Until my wife found it. Wow, was that rough...Life is the same but I'm craftier..lol used to be xwi**ass* don't know if you remember, but I recognize your style. Sorry for butchering my last username but my wife is friends with a computer genius....lol later
from second-love :
I am grateful for your story hon...and everything you and Jo have been through help me so much when it comes to the decisions I make in my situation. Im not sure though if i can have the strength you have to do what needs to be done.
from heelandlass :
Oh goodness. I've been waiting for you to update for so long and then I go on holiday and miss everything....what did you do?!?!?!?!
from second-love :
Well...the side of me that understands the temptation says YES DO IT!! The part of me that understands the pain of the entire relationship and what you went through to step back from it says no. I donno sweetie...I will take any time i can get in my relationship and probably always will. Its been worth the pain, for me. **hugs**xo
from sexyatheist :
i'm going to have to agree with the two notes below me. you two have developed a decent relationship without the affair and i think it could damage that. but in the end, it's your life so do what makes you happy. great to see you again!
from x-centricity :
It would be safe to say that it's not a good idea. Think about the emotional turmoil you'll be putting Jo through again. *hugs*
from spring-da1sy :
Ask yourself, "Is it worth it?"
from second-love :
Thanks for the email and checking on me during the fires. Things are better here but many MANY lost their homes. Thank goodness we didnt have to experience that. It is hard when friends and family are enduring so many trials - especially health related. We should be grateful each day for what we have. Im glad to hear that your love with Jo has endured and im relieved to hear that it continues to persevere even after it had been taken to the point of that closeness. I worry constantly that i will never be able to find a balance that works for the rest of our lives...but you two give me hope. **tight hugs**
from x-centricity :
I'm so glad to finally hear from you. I was worried something had happened. Sorry to hear about all of your friends being ill, especially Jo. *hugs*
from spring-da1sy :
My goodness-What a lot of negativity around you! Losing a job can be very scary indeed, but often enough when things like that happen, something better comes along. I sometimes feel it's a push telling me I should've taken action on my own. I'm glad you and your family are well-I know that's a good deal off your mind with Simon's progress. I wish all the best for Jo; I feel a sort of kinship with her for some reason. I guess you've told us so much about her it's only natural. Hugs
from x-centricity :
I see you've been popping up lately. Miss you like crazy. Hope things are going well. *hugs*
from spring-da1sy :
Thank you! I guess you noticed I visited. Just checking up on an old friend...wondering how you're doing!
from nixtress :
I'm wondering how you are...
from dramateacher :
Hey - I miss catching up. Have you switched to someplace else?
from heelandlass :
Sounds like a good 'oof' is required. Hope all is well x
from ava-reborn :
Just glad to have you back!! I'm more concerned to know when you'll next be down my way for coffee!!? ;)
from second-love :
**arms crossed**...do you REALLY think im not going to ASK??? Are you crazy??? I love you but im not that kind ;) xo
from sexyatheist :
welcome back. and what two months? there's no need to ever mention them here again.
from nixtress :
Hey you. It's been awhile since you updated. Just wondering if you're okay...moved to another site? Decided to stop writing? Just been too darned busy to update?
from vanoonoo :
have a good birthday celebration weekend - we're doing our "thing" thins weekend too Vx
from nettykins :
I've been reading you on and off for sometime now and i have to say this last entry took me right back to how i felt with my ex, the father of my 3 children, who still bare the mental scars of his mental and physical abuse towards me. I really feel for her :(
from x-centricity :
Of course! I can't forget the Scotland trip!! I wonder if my sweetums could be persuaded to wear a kilt....
from misselyssa :
I think Jo would benefit from watching the DVD called "The Secret".
from spring-da1sy :
Sad for Jo, but what COULD you do? What COULD you have said? This is for her to work out, and she's getting it at her own pace. I hope it happens in time for those boys to learn to respect her and women in general.
from x-centricity :
*sigh* Jo needs to get out of that relationship, not just for herself but for her sons' future wives.
from second-love :
Man...why do I feel that last entry so deeply? xo
from x-plicity :
*sigh* That last entry seems so sad....*hugs*
from heelandlass :
hey am I locked out too?!?!?!?! [email protected].
from x-plicity :
*hugs*
from vanoonoo :
eeep - locked - am I allowed the keys? vanoonoo at hotmail dot com
from pink-fairy :
p.s. i am not the person up north that you were referring to.
from x-plicity :
Uh oh! Busted! *grin*
from second-love :
I like X's idea...do VEGAS and if you do...im THERE!!!!!!!! Maybe with a "friend" **wink**
from tiragem :
So was one of the debaters! She was wearing a niqab, and I could not help but notice what pretty eyes she had. So expertly highlighted were they, with the eye liner, eye shadow, and well crafted eyebrows just peaking from under the lowered hijab. I had noted it as peculiar, but the irony did not appear so clearly to me until you just said it. This is why I now much prefer to shrug my shoulders about political / moral / social issues than rant about them in my blog. The older I get, the less sense this world seems to make. And hey! You should be quite pleased about your 50 year journey to the top of the hill. Some estimates have women making that journey in 25 years. I'm 4 away, with the apex clearly in sight. I'm sure, actually, like most long-anticipated events, it will arrive quite anti-climatically, and you'll wonder what the big fuss was to start with.
from enondoiel :
Will there be free beer? If that's the case: I'm there! I thought British people rented castles or manors to celebrate their big birthdays.
from x-plicity :
You should make your way to Las Vegas!!! What a wild trip that would be!!!
from chaosdaily :
how about having it at a museum?
from second-love :
Oh boy...yet ANOTHER reminder **sigh**
from x-plicity :
Jings! *grin* I've been hoping Lelsie would be out of the picture soon. That woman is plain evil....As far as people getting hurt, if you do something negative, negativity will occur. It's like...science....or something. LOL I've missed you, Sugar. *hugs*
from spring-da1sy :
I'm glad the thorn called Leslie is out of your side. What you say is perfectly true, but it's clear Jo hasn't come that far in her thinking.
from x-plicity :
Cut out cheese???!!! That would be the end of me!! *grin*
from spring-da1sy :
Simon's situation would make any mother nervous, but I bet he works this out on his own, and that experience is priceless. I hope Jo is wrong about Alex. (Mothers worry-fact of life) As for your cholesterol-what do doctors know anyway?
from ava-reborn :
Indeed I do remember!! It's high time we did it again!! Well, now you're not planning to pop your clogs anytime soon, we can arrange these things!
from enondoiel :
I blame this country! The alcohol is simply too cheap. I'm becoming an alcoholic and quite contentedly so. When I go home to Norway I won't be able to support my addiction anyhow. I love English uni!
from second-love :
**hugs** miss you
from x-plicity :
Thanks for the guest entry, Doll!! Mike thinks he should be played by Vin Diesel or Jason Statham and he thinks Christina Aguilera could play me but I just think he's silly! Love you!
from second-love :
Wow i like heelandlass :) Im not the only one who has "mood rants" hee hee
from heelandlass :
Oof. Sorry - was a bit pre-mental that day....
from heelandlass :
Oh for god's sake! You and Jo did something which you both now consider wrong and yes, people got hurt but you are both adults and you have both come to the conclusions that you're now officially at. Dave is an adult. And he is a father and he is a husband and he has made his decisions to stay with Jo and keep her as his wife. This means that he needs to get a grip. Life goes on and shit happens and he's going to be faced with other things in life that aren't good too. Is he going to spend the rest of his life angry? And Jo needs to get a grip and realise that life goes on too. She's allowing Dave to treat her this way - she needs to tell him right now that if he's not prepared to forgive AND forget then this half arsed option is just not good enough. Doesn't she have any respect? Kevin - there's only so many times you can say sorry. There's even only so many times you can actually BE sorry. You cannot spend the rest of your life crawling around apologising inwardly and outwardly for something 2 consenting adults did and are trying to make amends for. You are not 'the shit'. She is (sorry I know I'm totally ranting) because she should have just let it go. So what? You went to a pub. You didn't do it to piss him or her off, you had a pint and you left. Sleeping dogs can't lie if you keep kicking them and waking them up. Sorry - you've nothing to feel bad about. Decisions have been made and that's that. They both need to move on. Rant over (sorry again! I'm a bit grumpy!). Have a lovely weekend (BIG SMILE!!!) xxxxxxx
from second-love :
Everywhere I go...i look around to make sure there a) isnt someone that knows me, b) isnt someone that knows him c) isnt someone that knows the hubby or d) isnt someone that knows him. Its hell. And i think its fab that you were able to go and enjoy without looking around. I dont know if you SHOULD have been worried - you have been over for a long time now and its not like you were there with her! What is there for him to be upset about???? I think Dave needs to get "over it". But what do i know? :)
from x-plicity :
You know...I used to make a mental note of every person in a building when I entered, just incase You-know-who might be there. Now not so much. It's nice to be able to be at ease and not live in fear of some crazy loon wanting a piece of you.
from misselyssa :
Your idea wasn't a bad one... but dozens of businesses in Sydney have already got the "Corporate Massage" arena covered. And as I don't live in a corporate area, rather, a tourist town, I've decided to target the tourists :) I'm looking forward to it!
from incog-notion :
doh! (re: speaking to dave)
from x-plicity :
Gay??? Now I'M confused! *grin* Thanks for giving me a laugh. Love you!
from x-plicity :
It's funny how a single pause can get the mind reeling.
from x-plicity :
You should try a tanning booth. It's helped me LOADS!
from ava-reborn :
Oh dear!! I will honour the request and not offer any of those H things!!! But I do hope you're feeling happier soon lovely!!
from second-love :
All the men in my life hate the darkness and cold of winter!!! He has complained endlessly about the cold...which for here isnt really cold at all. awwwwww i wanna hug you all :)
from enondoiel :
I'm keeping it locked at the moment because there's someone from Norway reading through the whole thing and it kind of freaks me out. I'm not updating it at the moment though, so there's no point in giving out a password. When I write something there I'll unlock it :) Where did you disappear to, by the way?
from enondoiel :
I felt like it wasn't working because we never saw eachother, so we were technically in a relationship but physically not at all, which became more of a burden than I guess I'd like to admit :) So yes I'm single and it's kind of scary and sad and exciting at the same time.
from tiragem :
I agree with you just about completely. Still, I do acknowledge that there are things that I have done on purpose to further decrease the factual accuracy/completeness of my diary. At the same time, I do know that as long as I was human, there would be no such thing as an objective blog.
from secretsof :
thanks! any good diaries sprung up while i've been away? x
from second-love :
Holiday time can be hard enough without losing someone you love...let alone a child. It has been hard with my best friend losing her son in that senseless shooting. sigh I, for one am glad the holidays are over.
from x-plicity :
I had no idea you were such a boozer!!! LOL I think you may even be able to keep up with Mike and Me. *grin*
from second-love :
I wish i could be as logical as you men:)) You guys ARE good at being sensible, arent you? I suppose that has been a good thing in all arenas. And Kev...i LOVE the bell ringing!!!Its an interesting tidbit of info about you!!!! But have you ever considered that if "religion" truly had no hold on you somehow...you could waltz in and out of the church itself and it wouldnt matter?? Just a thought. Happy New Year, my friend. Love ya ;)
from spring-da1sy :
You have an excellent perception of the possible change of events. You've come a long way, Baby! Whichever way it goes, I'm sure the fact that your eyes are open will help greatly. Happy New Year!
from spring-da1sy :
It sounds to me like you already know what's best.
from nixtress :
I would imagine the constant struggle would get tiresome after a while. Tiresome and exhausting. What began as fun has certainly evolved into work, hasn't it? I very much believe, however, that this isn't how you'd have liked it to go. I think one or the other of you needs to step up and make some sort of decision, though. Isn't healthy for either to keep on with this balancing act.
from x-plicity :
*huggles*
from spring-da1sy :
Sometimes fate takes the bull by the horns if we don't. Maybe this is the next natural step for the two of you. Maybe it's the best thing. I know that doesn't make it easier. Hugs
from ava-reborn :
I can see what you mean, but no. Anything that raises money to support the work of the WWF is a good thing. Unfortunately, the whole "vote for" thing is a sign of our lazy society! How long will it be before our government is chosen by text vote?!!!! So do I think it distasteful to raise money for endangered animals from lazy, usually apathetic individuals tapping a few digits into their phones?? No! It's only distasteful that it had to come to this!
from second-love :
All i can say is i understand. Its a tough situation and im also in the middle of it right now since i changed jobs. You know its the right thing that she go and take it...but it puts a certain finality to it all...and you want to prob be selfish and tell her not to go...sigh...its hard *hugs*
from x-plicity :
*HUGS*
from x-plicity :
We should start a "wing-it" club!
from chaosdaily :
oh yeah... i was used to winging it... things do get tough when finals are due...
from justwatchme :
I hope that if you lock up, you'll still let us read ... I don't post in my journal anymore, but I am still reading! :) O
from misselyssa :
Do you ever wish you'd never gone down the path of temptation, that your life and love was simple and pure and that you could be honest with all the people in your life?
from spring-da1sy :
I think the others have covered everything there is to say. But truly, you were BOTH there, you wouldn't have continued without her encouragement, and see played her part as well. If you lock up, please don't forget me.
from heelandlass :
Oof. Are you okay? I don't think you should beat yourself up about it too much, like the others have said - she gets it just fine and it's not fair that you take all the responsibility and blame, why should you? I don't know if you need this pointed out to you - but she was there too!!! Remember? She put your willy in her mouth......you've not to feel bad about this okay? Takes 2 to tango and all that. If you do lock up/move again - please let me know. Now I'm back properly I don't want to lose you again! [email protected]. xxxxxxxx
from x-plicity :
Kudos to Second-love. She's right on. As far as locking up or disapearing. I HOPE that you let me know! *huggles*
from second-love :
Well...since I have absolutely NO resolve and gave that notion up ages ago, i can totally understand the lapse. But see...its impossible to have resolve when it comes to love. If there were no feelings there, you wouldnt need resolve. You can get sex anywhere (if not at home)...so its clearly not about that. So unlike the rest, I am quietly smiling about your tiny "lapse" and hoping you enjoyed it and dont worry too much about her and her feelings...i think she "gets it" better than you realize and she'll be ok. So will you *wink*
from nixtress :
It's funny, isn't it, how complicated and simple it can all be at the same time? Simple: attraction, old habits, old temptations. Complicated: stepping over boundaries you've fairly newly built, coworkers so near, insecurities flairing again. Oh, Kevin.
from ava-reborn :
Wow!! I'm appalled!! Shocked!! Disappointed!!!! I can't believe you did that!!!!!!!! You actually came to London without arranging to see me this time!!! :P I see you had other things to fill your time though, eh!!! Well, you have my number, we must meet up again next time you're down this way! As for your encounter, these things happen!! I just hope it doesn't set your resolve back or interfere with your "friendship"! It's like an addict taking a hit after being 2 years clean! Hugs!
from second-love :
HELP!!!
from misselyssa :
Thanks for adding me, checked your mail and thanks for the thoughts, will get back to you about it. Parenthood does seem rather challenging but I s'pose there are good times too.
from heelandlass :
I don't read them actually - but I need to put a christmas wish list together for my in laws so maybe I'll put the first one on it...I've GOT to get back into the book loop. Picked up a book teh other day, read the first 2 pages, thought 'god this writer is going to drive me demented' and went to sleep. Sigh.
from second-love :
KIDS *sigh*...this last one of mine is going to kill me :)) I DO think its wonderful your 15 year old can talk to you like that...she trusts you and that is WONDERFUL *hugs*
from chaosdaily :
or maybe shes telling you that so you will talk to the boy.... put the fatherly scare into him, so to speak.
from ava-reborn :
Everything aside, (which I wish you all good thoughts!!!) the fact that your daughter comes to you and says something like that means she has a wise head on her shoulders and has a FANTASTIC relationship with you!!!! Be reassured that if she's coming to you with this, she's not doing anything! And if something starts happening, you'll KNOW! You're very lucky to have such a great relationship with her!!! xx
from x-plicity :
I'm so sorry about your niece and brother. As far as the 15yr old! I think it's time for her to take residence in the basement until she's 40! *grin*
from second-love :
Please keep reminding me of that...i need to be reminded xxoo
from ava-reborn :
I wish I had the strength to do that! I keep far too many things for sentimental reasons!! I admire you! Thanks for your note the other day! It meant a lot to me!! xx
from x-plicity :
*hugs*
from heelandlass :
woah! that must have felt like taking a step off a cliff. xxx
from gypped :
cripes. that would have been too hard for me.
from chaosdaily :
yep, i was going to ask, why save something that can cause so much damage..
from second-love :
Ok...so this should come as no surprise that i am the only one crying right now *sob*
from nixtress :
An odd sense of relief tinged with sadness? Everything has a cycle and it sounds like this time of your life is rounding the bend.
from chickpea981 :
Strength and sadness. I could congratulate you, but I'd rather just hug you from afar.
from spring-da1sy :
Such a show of strength! It sounds like you've come full-circle. I'm sure it's a healthy thing for you. How did Jo take the news that you wouldn't meet with her?
from x-plicity :
I remember when i finally got rid of the last of El Diablo. It was a letter written to me. There was a moment of panic but then complete relief.
from second-love :
ahahahahahahahaha - the last one - hahahahahaha
from x-plicity :
The lace and bows make girlf feel pretty. People may not see it but we do. It always gives me a giggle when I think about the lacy ruffles I have hidden under my chaps. *grin*
from second-love :
Awwwwwwwww see...told you the love never goes away. And believe me when i say it beats as strong as ever! xxoo
from enondoiel :
Well, if you're ever in town, come say hi! You'd be the first Diaryland-person I've ever met :)
from x-plicity :
The poor dear. I'm sending positive vibes in her direction. *hugs*
from second-love :
Im sure she's fine...but you DO have alot to silently suffer through...dont you? *hugs* for you hon
from spring-da1sy :
Ah, poor Jo! I'm sure she fell asleep; none of us knows how she must feel right now. Try not to worry. I'm glad you understand how important your support is to her. I'm sure it makes all the difference in the world. Hugs
from nixtress :
I would say she probably just went to bed. Feeling that way, I'd say that's a reasonable expectation from her. It's hard to not worry, isn't it?
from nicim :
I continue my journey at http://cunhell.diaryland.com Kisses.. N
from chaosdaily :
when you become dictator, let me know. you'll want a cook you can trust, right?
from enondoiel :
Homesick? Surprisingly no, actually. I think maybe that's because there's so much going on all the time... The lectures are a bit tough though. Lots of academics who use lots of long, scary words!
from endthelies :
That's interesting. I recently read a book about muslim women in the US. It was a compilation of essays that mainly had to do with what it's like to be sort of creating a distinctly American muslim community in a part of the world that has no history of a muslim community. Several of them focused on the idea that people sort of expected them to wear it, and were surprised if they chose not to. Sometimes, even, surprised and not approving. That was certainly the way people reacted to the muslim girls in my high school.
from second-love :
Ok...so the part of me that cares for you is saying "stop feeling like its your fault...she was an adult and you made no promises..." - but the part of me that IS Jo is saying "Thats right...you do suck...you shouldnt have led her to feel thouse things for you." But ultimately...you are my lovey and ultimately i know that like Jo, i have made my choices and here is NO one else i can blame. So lighten up on yourself, hon. Sometimes the thing we want most we can never EVER have...but it feels nice to hear it anyways *hugs*
from enondoiel :
Hey K, why are all the English girls wearing miniskirts and flip-flops in October? Is this weather considered Indian Summer in Britain? I'm shivering just looking at them. Shivering, and thinking that they look kind of cheap. Sorry :)
from x-plicity :
Dave has always mistreated her. Don't blame yourself for the problems she's having. If anything it's really her fault to allow herself to be treated so badly.
from heelandlass :
Believe me, whenever your name pops up in red, it's the first one I read! But are you talking about no hits on this diary or the other one?! xxx
from tiragem :
Why were you so adamant about my going?
from spring-da1sy :
I'm so sorry that the docs are putting him thru this unnecessary strain. Hopefully he'll even out soon, and you can rest your mind a little easier. Hugs
from heelandlass :
Surely this is a sign that your life is starting to balance out in all the right areas again? As it should do. As far as I can see you couldn't possibly maintain those feelings under those circumstances, things have to change, settle down, find a new place. I'm sure this means that eventually a friendship of some sort will click into place and most of your past life together will be shoved aside. At least that's the hope I'm sure. xxx
from x-plicity :
It may not have been a good realisation but probably a much needed one. *hugs*
from gypped :
ami, c'est l'amour.
from spring-da1sy :
I have to agree with you. Dennis still calls me a few times every week. He knows I'm keeping him at arm's length, and he knows why. Sometimes I almost believe he's comfortable with being "just friends". It's almost as if he's become the "just in case" guy. I don't encourage him, but it still doesn't seem right. It would've been wiser to make a choice and a clean cut. I wonder, too, what brought this entry on?
from nixtress :
How true. Can't just be placed in a box and preserved, unchanged, can it? Hindsight is a curse and a blessing.
from x-plicity :
It is a contract with the Devil and a person would have to be very cruel to have a second affair knowing what kind of pain it causes. Good entry. So...has something happened???? Everything alright?
from ava-reborn :
What sparked this entry? Has something happened? Look out for an email!
from x-plicity :
*hugs*
from second-love :
*sigh* frick - its amazing to me the parallels between your life (and situation) and mine. We are totally where you guys are...the thin ice...the lack of trust...the uncertainty...its painful but hard to let go of.
from nixtress :
It's hard, though, to accept and let go...even in the face of a deteriorating trust. Even when you see it's more damage than good. Because we hold out hope.
from tiragem :
Better to do a job I like and get money than enter a field I love and starve. But I will still accept that compliment.
from dramateacher :
fair enough... I can see that side of the argument... it probably does look like "tests". I'm thinking it's more about reaching maximum capacity before shutting down...but I do appreciate the insight. The male perspective is always appreciated. Oh, if you get a chance, would you erase the password message? Thanks!!!!
from tiragem :
You made me laugh for days with that comment. You can see straight into my brain from that photo, huh? After I took out that pic, I spent a great deal of time with a pinky up my nose trying to figure out if those light pink spots were balls of snot. Sorry to be so blunt, but so were you! Scary nostrils... Haha.
from second-love :
I had a zillion excuses for my depression and lack of sleep. "once i do this" or "once i change that". But really until i started on the meds, there was no change no matter what i did. And its very typical for them to start on a low dose first. They would rather under medicate than over medicate. They will bump it up (like they did mine) if at a follow up appt he mentions that there is little change.
from second-love :
*hugs*
from x-plicity :
Good analogy.
from spring-da1sy :
Bittersweet. I'm sure it's nice to know she still thinks about that and remembers.
from second-love :
Awww sweet. I like to read those - it gives me hope that the love IS never forgotten...no matter what.
from nicim :
8/26 ah, those notes sound so much like Ben and I. so much it seized my heart in the remembering. like it does when i see his number on my cell phone id and wonder whether it is worth the pain to answer and be a friend instead of what could have been. XXOO N
from second-love :
Age does bring a host of new problems. And its easy to forget that we are no longer 20!!! The first time i went to play in a softball game as a full fledged "adult" a few years back at a company picnic...when i tried to run to first base...i found that my legs didnt want to cooperate despite the fact that in my MIND i was long since rounding first. It was very frustrating :))) And i think you and Sam are near the same age...he too is dealing with sudden aches and pains that worry him. It would be normal for someone rounding the 5o mark. So he is dieting (again) and trying to make better choices, but still worries in the back of his mind if all is well. Getting old is a bitch :)))
from second-love :
hi hon ;)
from heelandlass :
Ah - I didnt get your note till today (monday) sorry - I was around as well, so I could have definitely not met you. Oh well. Some other time! Did you go and see much? I am desperate to see the giant people at the mound. It's on till October though so I can wait till the crazyness is over. As for tips - i wouldn't have been able to give you any info at all, seeing as every year the festival rolls round and we go 'oh look, we have no cash'. it's rubbish. Glad you had a nice time with your daughter. It's so important to work on those relationships (I should know. i've got a CRAP dad). xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
from chickpea981 :
I wouldn't say ALL, but lately it seems to be the vast majority
from dramateacher :
Thanks for your input. I knew/know I need the male perspective on this one. Since I asked him about it (not quite a confrontation since there was no negative language or anything accusatory) I realize that it's a prudish hangup of mine. Once I leave it alone, and so long as the "issue" between us doesn't persist, I think I can stop fretting over it. Thanks for taking the time to read and feedback...
from bitterwineuk :
To be honest, I never heard of Terling so I typed it in as a quick search and it's near Witham which is our first railway stop on the way to London which is even closer to me than Clacton. I don't know far it is from Witham, but Witham is less than 15 minutes up the A12 from me. What a small world we live in!!!
from x-plicity :
Miss Daisy just took the words right out of my mouth. So...there. Oh, and you are MORE then welcomed to do a strip tease at my "hen night". *giggle*
from spring-da1sy :
Sorry to hear about Michael's troubles. Even though he makes every attempt to do it as amicably as possible, couldn't it be that his job is the source of his tension? I don't know-just a thought.
from ava-reborn :
I'm so sorry your brothers feeling like this. Can you suggest to him that maybe he should just try a different anti-depressant? They won't all make him feel those side-effects. It can take a few before you find the right one for you. Therapy can be helpful, but unless you've been through something specific and traumatic that you need to talk through, I think it's best to get the chemicals in your head sorted! It worked for me.
from bitterwineuk :
I am about 20 minutes from Clacton and 30 from Walton. As kids we used to go to Walton on school trips alot. :) I am in Colchester, the biggest town closest to them. It's lovely to have memories like that!! :) Becca
from heelandlass :
Abso-fucking-lutely. We've all just got to get on with it and thank our lucky stars that we live somewhere like here and not somewhere like Iraq or any of the other parts of the world that face adversity, bombings, random acts of mass violence on a daily, hourly basis. Life is for living, not spending our days being suspicious and panicked and terrified....
from misselyssa :
My mum actually finds those "Carry On" movies funny... As disturbing as that is, it disturbs me more how English all over the world is becoming more and more Americanised... and more than that how all these alleged 'terrorist' attacks lead the US to secure more and more of the Earth's resources... but then I suppose that's simply a consequence of having a non-sustainable way of life led by a One World Government.
from ava-reborn :
Sometimes I forget how opposed we are on our political beliefs!! So you still believe the Forest Gate terrorists, (sorry!! Victims!!) to be innocent?? The fact that 30 or 40 thousand grand was found in their home was unrelated? Anyway, I completely agree with your comment about the "phrase �carry-on luggage� get into our vocabulary? In the UK it�s always been �hand-luggage� � is there a clue about where our security policy is being written?" Oh how true!! Did you hear Bush on the day? It was all about how "Our" country is at war! (Ie: the USA) And "I'd like to thank the government of Tony Blair!!" Ex-fucking-cuse me??? I thought it was the government of the UK!!! How fucking naive must I be!!!
from second-love :
Amen :)
from second-love :
Miss you too *hugs*
from chaosdaily :
i was behind the camera...
from x-plicity :
We really do miss you!
from heelandlass :
I knew you'd understand. And that's a date, I definitely won't be there next week. xxx
from second-love :
awwwwwwww i love some of that old affection between the two of you :)) Its sweet *hugs*
from x-plicity :
Alas, once again I am jealous. There are times in my work week that I would kill for a beer. *grin*
from incog-notion :
for some reason, this entry made me a little sad. happy anniversary :)
from spring-da1sy :
Happy Anniversary.
from second-love :
Loving your spouse after 25 years is an accomplishment. And to have gone through all those difficulties early on probably only made your love for her stronger. But its impossible to not wonder what a different turn in life could have meant. That doesnt lessen your love for Lynne anymore than wondering if i had done thing differently 15 years ago lessens my love for the hubby now. I think its normal to feel those things. I admire your commitment to your marriage - and even despite your relationship with Jo that you never considered doing anything other than stay with Lynne. *hugs*
from misselyssa :
Congratulations on the wedding anniversary, glad you are doing OK :)
from second-love :
Happy Anniversary hon... missed you
from endthelies :
Happy anniversary
from ava-reborn :
*hugs* And happy anniversary!!
from x-plicity :
Happy anniversary!!!
from x-plicity :
Missing you....hope everything is alright. *hugs*
from second-love :
Let your instincts be your guide :)) If you sense an undercurrent, then i am SURE it is there. I am totally unable to hide it completely either - i just dont think its possible. It is nice though that she extended you that understanding about not leaving home and why. And it does take having kids of your own before you can understand how hard it would be to totally destroy a family for the sake of your own personal happiness. NOW if i could just figure out a way to get that TOTALLY through my pea brain BEFORE something bad happens (like being discovered) ill be on the right track *wink* (oh and sorry about the England loss... we watched that game and i was thinking of you :((( )
from x-plicity :
Yeah, I can see how that could happen. *grin*
from heelandlass :
Ah - missed your 'date note' and missed the date. Let's re-schedule for next Monday. I won't be there either but at least the date is set! Now the question is - will it be moules et frites, fishcakes, smoked fish risotto OR Kings Wark Fish & chips? All too good. I think I'll have the risotto this time. And a big massive pint of IPA. Mmmmmmmmmm.
from heelandlass :
Uh Oh.....
from second-love :
Oh boy do i :) *hugs*
from justwatchme :
I don't know about the dancing-sex correlation. C can't dance at all and had no natural rhythm ... but he's incredible in bed! ;) And he's definitely the more active one in our usual choices of position, while I'm the one who can actually dance. You never know!
from x-plicity :
I wonder if my years of belly dancing training have helped me in the sack...not quite sure but I've never had any complaints. *grin*
from heelandlass :
Mm, it's got something to do with my general fear at meeting people I don't know. Scary, scary, scary. Too stressful!
from tiragem :
Don't worry. I think I'll have sex before my 21st birthday which is about a month and a half from now. Oh. And you've been TAGGED. Check out my diary.
from heelandlass :
Not just Princes Street - EVERYWHERE!!! http://edinburgh.cowparade.com/ really stupid waste of money if you ask me. The tourists like them though, and after all, that's what Edinburgh's all about!!! When were you here? How come you don't ask me for coffee? (I would probably say no, but I'm just asking!) xxx
from x-plicity :
Farting, huh? LOL
from x-plicity :
I'm so glad things worked out, hon. *hugs* X
from enondoiel :
I know, it's freaking me out. But, apparently, many women who turn 20 start having these "nesting" feelings. I can't believe I just referred to myself as a "woman". I'm growing up! Scary.
from second-love :
*hugs*
from gypped :
what about 1095 a year? how long do they live? (that's 3 per day)
from enondoiel :
That's one thing I'm definitely NOT looking forward to when coming to England: smoking in clubs and bars. It's so great to be able to go out here in Norway and don't stink of smoke the next day. Blah.
from chaosdaily :
men probably never get complaints about the size of their penis from women... but women talk about it amongst themselves, and i have heard some complaints! but not about you! lol
from misselyssa :
Big hugs.
from endthelies :
Wow. I almost never comment (although I hoep you realize it's because I don't think I have much insight from which you would benefit, not because I don't read every update and care), but I had to say I am so so sorry that this has happened. I hope you come out of it ok.
from second-love :
Take it from X and I... if anyone KNOWS what this is about WE do *hugs*
from x-plicity :
This is definitely NOT about the job. This is about her feeling abandoned. Totally. Send me and e-mail when you have time. *hugs* X
from spring-da1sy :
What an unexpected turn of events! I can hardly believe she's turned on you with such vehemence. Perhaps time and a little reflection will soften her heart enough for you to bring her around to seeing what really happened. I wish you the best outcome. Keep us updated. Hugs
from heelandlass :
Oof. This sounds heavy. The old cliche 'it takes two to tango' seems to be ringing in my head.
from chaosdaily :
oops
from second-love :
Personally, i dont think her anger has anything to do with her job. This is a delayed reaction to her true heart... that you abandoned her and when the rubber met the road, you would not choose her. Old stuff, yes... but i find myself always coming back to the old root issue myself. And i think thats what she is feeling. Seeing you again and being back in that office with you has reminded her of all that old pain and that you will never ultimately choose her. *hugs*
from ava-reborn :
Bugger Bank holiday weekends!!! They're more often a curse than a joy! I hope all is well! I doubt Jo will spill any beans for fear of the tomato sauce splattering her as she does it!! *hugs*
from second-love :
More hugs :))
from chickpea981 :
I read you all the time but I rarely leave comments because I don't think I ever know what to say. Is a hug acceptable? If so, consider this a hug. Also, with the IE nutscrape thing... try downloading firefox or get someone in your house to download it. A lot of people who have IE and netscape problems don't have them on firefox: http://www.mozilla.com/firefox/
from x-plicity :
Sending *hugs* and thinking of you.
from gypped :
uh oh. *supports*
from second-love :
I guess i just really want to hug you... i dont know what else to do. xxoo
from x-plicity :
It's strange when suddenly you're back in what I call the "fear seat". I'm still convinced that one day I'll unaccidentally get hit by a car. LOL
from spring-da1sy :
Of course it's possible that it was Dave, but not necessarily so. Besides, since you're co-workers, couldn't she easily enough explain the call away? Try not to worry. Hugs
from second-love :
Tons of tight hugs xxoo
from heelandlass :
It's a tough one. You're just going to have to play it by ear. One day at a time and all that. I wasn't around on Friday. I would've wished you well had I known what you were going through xxx
from x-plicity :
*HUGS*
from second-love :
Hope you got the email i sent... you know im here for you always *hugs* xx
from enondoiel :
I hope you're just being overly melodramatic? You know we care!
from x-plicity :
I'm Here!! I'm interested!!! PLEASE don't leave me!!!!!!!
from betchy :
So, are you going to watch us take the Champions league trophy home in two weeks time then?
from x-plicity :
Got to love hypocrites! I would just keep it to myself. The way he's handling things, he'll end up hanging himself. Amateurs, humph. LOL
from misselyssa :
Just letting you know that "batalicious" is no more. I'll let you know somehow what happens in the future. Please don't leave notes in that diary or send emails to my old email address. Cheers x
from second-love :
Having a "best friend" back in your life can be wonderful and can also be hell. And I dont envy the additional complications you have with Dave knowing about you and her...im sure its hard to have to carefully choose where and when you go somewhere. But after 3 years myself of having my "best friend" back in my life...im beginning to think that the whole thing really IS more hell than heaven no matter how much love there is. xxoo
from x-plicity :
There's going to be lots of things you will have to deal with when she comes home. Especially if she's going to be working closer to you in the new office. That's if she goes back to work there. Is that her plan? I'm sure you'll have plenty to write about when she comes back. *hugs* X
from whystinger :
I have found out that my appreciation of women has grown as I have grown older. I appreciate a wider range of women. At one time, Thirty was too old. Now, I can appreciate a pretty woman well up there... I have noticed that since my tastes have broadened, some might interpet that as "lowering my standards" but that is not the case. My taste has truly become broader. BTW, visited the old diary.
from second-love :
I like ya after a few pints *wink*
from betchy :
So at what size do we become an old woman or a man? Just curious?? x
from second-love :
I think women can look at and admire a man... a nice tight behind, broad, muscular shoulders and not think of them sexually at all. Its nice to know that men can do the same to women!
from x-plicity :
I think women always want to be a part of the attractive sex. Even when we're old and saggy, we'll always want to be pretty.
from ava-reborn :
Oh dear Kevin, the Hokey Cokey joke is an old one!! I'm disappointed!! As for Radio 2, I'm not old that old either, but I do enjoy Johnathon Ross!!! And I think he's worth every penny!
from batalicious :
Well I've finished reading your old diary now... and yes, there are three scars on my tummy :)
from chickpea981 :
damn! I never got a chance to post and write something as lovely for you as you wrote for me.
from spring-da1sy :
Glad you enjoyed your break.
from batalicious :
Actually, my memory wasn't used... I've been reading your old site (for the first time from start to finish - am past halfway now) and came across a mention of your death day just recently. I feel very privileged to read your words and thoughts and snippets of your life.
from krugerpak007 :
Kevin, I know I am lousy at keeping in touch. But still wanted to drop in and say hi, and wish you a Happy Easter! xoxox Kathy
from x-plicity :
Thank you for the honor of letting me leave a guest entry...even if it is kind of crappy. *grin* Love Ya!!!
from spring-da1sy :
Panic Scare Monthly-wow I think you found your billion-dollar idea!
from ava-reborn :
Only swans with unmarked beaks belong to the crown. There are 2 companies (Dyers and Vintners) that own the rest of the country's swans. You can tell which company by which side of their beaks are marked. Even though all unmarked mutes belong to the crown officially, the queen only actually exercises her right of ownership over those on the Thames. So if you're going to drink a swan's blood, make sure it's not an unmarked swan on the Thames!!! OK!!! By the way, you're not alone in being baffled by the panic over bird flu!! I hate how the media whips up fear in gullible people!! The only thing to fear is that if chickens all catch it and die, KFC will have to close!!!!! Aaarrrggghhh!! NOW I'm worried!!!
from x-plicity :
I'll miss you!!!!
from spring-da1sy :
You a bore? Never. It's great that you're biking to and from work-I wish I was fit enough. I hope you have great luck finding relatives on your trip and enjoy the time with your folks.
from second-love :
Thats probably the last time you ask me "you ok?" hahahahaha *hugs*
from realsnoopy :
How nice of you. Have fun!
from x-plicity :
You are not a bore! *hugs* and welcome back!! I've missed you!
from secretsof :
it's always nice to read another uk diary. even if just in passing mentions... :)
from batalicious :
I have not forgotten you!
from second-love :
Miss you :((( but you know how to get me :)
from ava-reborn :
Yep, very poor indeed! Glad you're doing ok. I can't believe the nerve of your employers making you put work before your Diaryland time!! The cheek! I love Bill Bailey! Hysterical!
from x-plicity :
mis you lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots and lots!!!
from x-plicity :
It would be wonderful for you to come to the wedding! I just need to get proposed to first. *grin*
from x-plicity :
Vaginal shortening!!! That cracks me up! *hugs* X
from chaosdaily :
the cream doesnt come to the top any more because its been HOMOGENIZED. which means its all blended together, along with being pastuerized which heats the milk to kill bacteria. we used to have a gallon of milk in our fridge that would be 1/3 cream... yummy on fruit or cereal. of course, i lived on a farm....
from ava-reborn :
It tended to be the magpies that got to our milk! Certainly a few years ago when I used to have milk delivered for K. As for separating, do you have whole milk or semi-skimmed. Only the whole milk separates. And isn't noticeable in the plastic containers whereas it is very noticeable in the glass bottles.
from enondoiel :
Yeah, it'll be Exeter. I had no idea how expensive it is to live there though! How on earth do you finance a three or five year education? I can barely make the money I'm loaning from the Norwegian government cover it!
from second-love :
*hugs* xx
from enondoiel :
Hey, where'd you run off to? Still celebrating the success at work (congrats, by the way!)?
from x-plicity :
Here's to the wives and the girlfriends! May they never meet!!! Happy St. Patrick's Day!!!
from x-plicity :
*wink*
from spring-da1sy :
Good for you! Congrats. I think more of you for not being "that" kind of person!
from x-plicity :
Hmm...you think you could send a million this way? *wink* Good job!!
from realsnoopy :
have a good day!
from second-love :
The hubby and i also believe that embarrasment is a critical part of raising kids and we have more than our share of fun whenever possible. And when we get together with my ex husband and his wife with our oldest daughter, we still enjoy it when he discusses his "shotguns" in front of her boyfriend *giggle* - its a hoot... he loved to do that in passing when she was younger and had different boyfriends all the time (her current one is long term now *yawn*). The OTHER function of children in our opinion, is to be slaves... and of course, WE are the masters. Its lovely fun to beckon "oh slave!!!" from the far room - and if you can do it when a friend is over... all the better *wink*
from x-plicity :
You're such a fab dad. You take your role in embarassment so seriously. Good for you!!!
from heelandlass :
no, it's gone I'm afraid. It was only up for 7 days. You didn't email me though did you? I was sure I sent it to everyone.
from heelandlass :
did you ask me for it? I don't remember you asking...it's not online anymore I don't think. Let me look for you.
from batalicious :
Not the best way to do it but still an adventure of your own worth having. So happy you saw her and had the lipgloss to prove it :)
from x-plicity :
It was so sweet of you to trudge through the cold to see Jo. *hugs*
from second-love :
**HUGS** - how sweet of you to slog through the cold and snow...but im sure it was worth it even if it was only for a few moments. xxoo
from x-plicity :
By the way, I found that article on Viagra and Crohn's...very interesting....
from fridayfilms :
Hello Mr. Ambivalent you, and thank you for friending me. I'll have a better look at your diary as well, when I'm less cross-eyed with fatigue and illness. That's a lovely picture I've given you right off the bat, isn't it? Cheers.
from spring-da1sy :
Very entertaining entry! I give it two thumbs up! Actually, the reason keys are different on adding machines and telephones is that "back in the day" someone noticed how key-punch operators became fast & fluent, and didn't want that to create jammed-up lines on the telephone. I'm sure everyone will agree-they should be the same-that's why I misdial quite often. (Yeah, I know I'm a total geek for knowing that)
from krugerpak007 :
I have also met Ava and she is one of my very best friends! I hope Kevin,that when you are in Israel or the Middle East again that you will look me up. Take care and be well. Kathy
from betchy :
hello you!!! so you have also had the pleasure of meeting lovely Ava, is she not just to damned gorgeous or what? and K my fave girl ever!! did she call you "sexy man" a lot? because when she met my family, she called my Uncle Dave that continuously (and still does). anyway, i hope you had a great time together, and that you get to meet up again son. oh and i hope you and Jo manage to "enjoy" each other! by bye! xxx
from lasweetthing :
Hi, thanks for adding me to your fav's list. You can also check me out at, jalepenogirl
from batalicious :
Woohoo!!!!!
from ava-reborn :
Hope you're feeling better soon! I'm excited for you having Jo back for a couple of weeks!! I hope you both recover enough to make it enjoyable!! Yes, we'll definitely have to meet up again soon! But I doubt I'll be able to top the secrets I imparted on this visit!! Jason's due round in about 3 hours so I'd better go and start making myself look presentable! Have a good weekend lovely! Get well soon!!
from x-plicity :
I'm so jealous of you and Ava!!! I'm thinking about Jo and sending positive vibes. *hugs* X
from third-person :
Kevin, I've thought about a lot of the things you discussed in your most recent energy. Will my children see CDs and DVDs and MP3 players as horribly out of date? Will they pity me for the limited technology of my times? Will I take up my dad's position, that life was better without the modern conveniences? Good to know someone out there wonders about these things too.
from batalicious :
Do you really think people are happier and more contented today with all this technology? I think we've lost track of the simple pleasures in life. And noone is satisfied anymore. Harder physical labour doesn't necessarily equate with unhappiness. At least you can see the results of your efforts. Our office jobs have so little meaning in comparison. A clock is nice but imagine being able to tell the time by looking at the sky or listening to what the birds are doing...
from second-love :
She may feel "safer" expressing her feelings again for you since she IS so far away... and im sure she also needs the reassurance that you still feel the way you did, regardless of if you can ever do anything about it or not *hugs to you hon*
from heelandlass :
I might be WAAAY off the mark here, but do you think Lynne's hormones might be playing havoc? That kind of thing sounds exactly like the sort of stuff you've been hinting about recently with the approach of (dare I say it) the change. And if you don't fancy the job, don't go for it, is there any point going through all that keech again if at the end of it you're not even that fussed? Better the devil you know and all that. xxx
from endthelies :
I had a fantastic time. I'm sorry you two were fighting, but I'm sure it will get better.
from nicim :
2/15/06 I agree with second-love, but I lived so long with someone who spent years giving me XXX's and "thinking of yous" when it was just absolutely exactly what he meant - nothing more (even got one yesterday). It was me that wanted to make more of it than it really was. I guess I'm cynical now - and, having grown to like you, don't want you to be hurt any more. So I have to advise great care with your own heart. And I must still wonder if fixing where you are is better for your heart health than finding someone for whom you truly are The One. XXOO N
from second-love :
*hugs*... no matter how hard we might try to "separate" - love just doesnt "go away" no matter how hard you try to make it do just that. And while she has amazed me in her ability to separate herself from you...her heart will still pound each and every time she thinks of you or sees that xx or that "thinking of you" at the end of a message.
from endthelies :
Happy Valentine's Day!!
from batalicious :
Oh yes, there are more photos... not sure how far to go though... some of the photos are quite naughty... ;)
from x-plicity :
Happy V-day! *heart* X
from x-plicity :
Only the Brittish... *grin*
from second-love :
You never bore...and it IS good that you are laughing *hugs*
from second-love :
OH im so jealous!!!! Damn i want to get together and have that BEER!!! I think a trip to sunny CA for YOU, my friend, is a MUST ;) - and i dont think Jo would mind either!
from ava-reborn :
I'd love to!! We can be in London, just say when you'll be free, and when, and we'll be there!!
from realsnoopy :
I agree with you on the whole religion thing!
from jt76 :
I agree completely. Why should they care what some Danish cartoonist drew up? Does it infringe on their abilty to practice their faith? And furthermore, unless you are capable of laughing at yourself, I don't think you can really be considered as having a sense of humor at all.
from heelandlass :
Ah, you have to shower me with compliments so I can give you Edinburgh related gobbledeegook which in turn will inspire your new book. Yes, I've guessed it, I'm your new muse. I always knew I'd be useful for something!!
from second-love :
*sigh* *smile* *hugs*
from saru-san :
I love reading Viz whenever I get the chance... Buster Gonads, Nobby's Piles, the Fat Slags... and, of course, Top Tips never fail to crack me the hell up!
from ava-reborn :
You were in London and you didn't tell me??!!!! You're in trouble now!!!
from enondoiel :
I actually had a very odd dream regarding penis size last night. A guy in my class in high school was bragging about his 5 (!) inch dick. It's odd dreams like that that make me wonder what the human brain consists of. And ps: I didn't snort. Too loudly. :)
from ava-reborn :
Trust you to notice that!!!! I actually quite enjoyed it, despite being adamant I'd never ever do it! I guess I've just never trusted anyone enough before. The physical feeling wasn't mind blowing, but the feeling of trust and love and the whole intimacy of the experience was great!!
from chaosdaily :
i wished id had the book about 3 years before i finally got it.. and i didnt get any hot flashes at all! lucky me!
from second-love :
Ok... "yuck"
from heelandlass :
You're forgiven. Didn't have haggis for tea last night as we're going to a Burns Supper on Saturday and I can't do haggis too much, should be a treat rather than a staple!! I did print that CD thing, ages ago - http://heelandlass.diaryland.com/finalchink.html, what made you think of that I wonder?!
from second-love :
hahahaha im the "hormone specialist" dontcha know :)))) Or should i say SAM is LOL. Yep...she's in it and you are a dear for saying you hadnt noticed any mood dif. What a peach
from gypped :
course it is!
from nicim :
have her run, do not walk, to the doctor for a thorough exam and test of her progesterone levels. then she should ask for premarin immediately and don't stop taking it until she's 80. XXOO N
from chaosdaily :
the best advice i can give your wife is to find and read the book "the silent passage" ... it explains a lot and how to deal with it...
from heelandlass :
Hey! I can't believe you missed me off your 'what great things Scotland gave to the world'....surely I'm right up there with Caramel Wafers (had one the other day actually), Oatcakes and Tarmac?!?!
from batalicious :
K, you are having leg problems... of course your body won't want to run! I don't believe it's safe to run in the dark unless the surface is even. Do you absolutely have to run? Could you walk? Or cycle (with a light) along the roads? Or do some stretching? Or do some strengthening exercises for your leg? Or do a pilates video/dvd? (pilates is hard and quite suitable for men). You could run occassionally at lunchtime with your work buddies? Why not have some massage or see a physiotherapist to get your leg problem sorted out? If well trained, they will be able to determine the cause of your injury and instruct you on how to treat and prevent it. as for the biscuits, why not bring a little bag of fresh or dried fruit or nuts and seeds or carrot sticks to work so that you can have a healthy snack instead?
from x-plicity :
mmm...I'm a "biscuit" lover too. One day, I'll have to try some of these Scottish treats. My mouth is watering....
from second-love :
*tons of hugs*... and maybe ill take up running again too to fill the space :))
from second-love :
*hugs*
from x-plicity :
Does Jo know about this blog?
from batalicious :
I like the bits and pieces entries. Never understood why Intellectual Property works the way it does. The moaning female orgasm comment is classic.
from ava-reborn :
Thanks lovely! As for Aberdeen, we won't be moving up there. We decided the job wasn't good enough. Hope you're having a good weekend. xx
from heelandlass :
thank you for your concern and welcome home and general relief at my safety, you're a gem. Home safe and sound. As you can tell by my warblings. I've caught up on your diary. How are you feeling about things? Don't forget Kevin - January is shitter than shit. Things will look up 1 way or the other xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
from second-love :
I love the comment about the orgasm... too good :)
from x-plicity :
I LOVE your brain vomit! It's wonderful!!!
from ava-reborn :
The whole J.M Barrie thing is always in court! The copyright originally ran out in about 1998 but was extended to 2007 in Europe and 2023 in the rest of the world. But I agree, if you give your rights to someone else, why is there a time limit on that??!! If you're dead you're hardly going to need to reclaim them! It'd be like me giving money to a charity then it having to be paid back several decades after my death! Madness! Law, ass, etc! Oh, I thought about you many times over Christmas! Everytime I saw the "gay" Southern Comfort ad! Whoever started the frozen Disney rumour must have had a laugh, eh! I believed that to be true for ages, too! And, no, I've NEVER understood the appeal of Gorgeous George! I've never met any of the women who find him so attractive! I suspect he started that rumour himself! Because he clearly believes it! For the record, I'm glad you did the dump yourself!! Other people's dumps wouldn't be nearly as fun! xx
from gypped :
holey moley, you're coming to australia?
from second-love :
Ahhhh HA! Didnt i say she was just stuck with the long weekend?? And she had fabulous, very grounded advice!!! Definately take it! And can you guys PLEASE get it through your heads... we dont "HATE YOU"...never EVER :))))) There is just a very fine line between deep love and the appearance of hate - but its always really the love that carries us through. (im thinkin ya might just need a slight vacation to the U.S. to cheer ya up:))) X and i are waitin for ya! *hugs*
from ava-reborn :
I'm fine thanks lovely! Thanks for showing concern! Don't you dare shirk your responsibilities for the regular brain dump!!! You KNOW no-one can do it as well as you!!!!! Let someone guest by all means, but you better still give us your own brain dump!!! You know we love them! I'll update soon, I promise! xx
from x-plicity :
Or you can come to WI!!! There's that mini journal con being held here...*hint* *hint*...and you would definitely have a place to stay. *poke* *poke*
from x-plicity :
It's good that you don't turn your back and walk away. It means that you want her to know that you care. Not everyone is so fortunate. *hugs* X
from second-love :
Oh my... the part about risk, reward and expectations...that is SO right... and there IS no way of realizing or knowing until you are WAY into it how each other will feel or react. Damn... i wish i had read those words you just wrote a few years ago. Something tells me it might have saved me some heartache. Overall hon... you both did what you had to do and you did it with as much understanding and dignity as you could. I admire Jo for NOT lashing out at you (and i probably would have and do often)... and i admire you for having the strength to make the tough decisions no matter how much it hurt. You both amaze me:)) *hugs* xxx
from second-love :
Well love, you know how i feel about birthdays. Mine has proved to be the most painful day of the year the last couple...birthdays ARE only meaningful when the people you love (and who love you...) remember and show some sort of affection. As far as Jo moving on... dont let her fool you. She hasnt... not as well as it appears, but women can be masters at separating themself emotionally when its an absolute necessity. Its unfortunate that you forgot... but it may be for the best. *hugs to you*
from batalicious :
Chickpea's comment makes a lot of sense to me. Also, I've been asking around (well, asking family and friends) about whether it's cheaper to fly or train to Adelaide and noone knows. I might have to actually do the research myself!
from batalicious :
i haven't heard of dinner ladies but i don't watch a lot of telly. don't have cable either. 10-20 yrs ago we got more british content - now there's loads more american and 'reality' shows. they stick anything british on the abc. i got into little britain recently. ali g was popular about a year or so ago. jamie oliver (he has a new show every month now, doesn't he?) gets run on network television. my fav shows of all time are still comedies like blackadder and 'allo 'allo :)
from chickpea981 :
I've never really put much value into birthdays. Mine has been forgotten by pretty much every male in my life - even my father. I don't fully understand why its this horrible unforgivable thing with Jo when you two don't have the same relationship that you used to have. Maybe I'm just cynical.
from spring-da1sy :
It sounds like you're onto a good idea-starting to write again. You'd mentioned the idea a few entries back, and your friend makes perfect sense. We all have to have something to be passionate about.
from chaosdaily :
its important to have friends, even if they are of the other sex.. im glad lynne understands that concept, maybe she has a friend of the opposite sex too.....
from x-plicity :
Hey doll, hope you're doing ok. *hugs* X
from x-plicity :
Oh, Sweets. Lots of hugs. It seems this black feeling may be spreading. Love ya, X
from batalicious :
Sending hugs and happy thoughts your way.
from spring-da1sy :
Being passed over like that would be a blow to anyone's ego. I'm sorry those fools are so caught up in all those shitty analyses and evaluations to see the right man for the job right under their noses. It's more their loss than yours, I'm sure. Hang in there and feel better soon. Hugs
from ava-reborn :
Oh arse, indeed!! Sorry lovely! They're fools I tell you!!! *hugs* xx
from second-love :
awwwwww those dipshits! sorry hon *hugs*
from x-plicity :
I'm so sorry, Hon. *hugs*
from second-love :
Happy New Year, my sweet:)) Missed you!! Lets talk soon xxoo
from dramateacher :
Judgemental of me, or others? Good observations on your part. I like what you have to say... now, if only I can follow it. :-)
from ava-reborn :
Aberdeen. Yeah, I know I will miss her. Missing her might stop me but no longer duty guilt! Yes I know how cold it gets! We've already discussed changing the car to a 4 wheel drive! Happy new year lovely! xx
from batalicious :
happy Christmas to you too :)
from tiragem :
Though you've gotten good hold of my curiosity there, I don't think you should. I doubt I'll have the time to read it before classes resume in a couple of weeks. If you don't mind it languishing on my bookshelf for the next few months though, send away!
from x-plicity :
Oh, Danny Boy, Danny Boy, Danny Boooy...Don't cry for me Next door neighbor...LOL
from heelandlass :
Helloooo. I take it in your last note you were talking about having babies? I'm v. confused if you weren't! And yes that was my eye over at Clarity's and not sharleen spaghetti's. It's a nice eye. You should see the rest of me - green skin, loads of warts, a patch over the other eye and snake tongue. Sheesh. And that's on a normal day!!
from chaosdaily :
ive heard that joke.. we have cheetos, and they must be the same, because you get orange from them.
from x-plicity :
Thank you, thank you, thank you...*big hugs*
from second-love :
Holidays have like-wise always been difficult for me too the last few years. Surprisingly this year is a STARK contrast. Go figure :)) *hugs*
from x-plicity :
It seems like Lesley has the menatal problem....I must have these Cheesy Wotsits...or whatever they are called!!!!! Is it like a Cheese Nip or a Cheeto?
from tiragem :
Nothing is wrong with the yet except that by the time it rolls around, I'll likely be dead. And you're very welcome for the vomit story. Unfortunately, I don't got very much of those to tell (being that I'm not prone to vomiting and all), but maybe if I cough up a few more entries like that, you'll get over your phobia. Ha! And... gift?
from second-love :
Thanks hon... talk to you soon :)
from dramateacher :
Yeah,I've had the log shut down since the crazy cop started stalking me. It's probably safe to release it now, but I just didn't want anyone to track me down. Probably immaterial now. But doesn't it feel good to know you're on the short list?
from ava-reborn :
Love your take on the JD ads!! And I made the same observation about the Hemel fire!! Oh how I love you and your brain dumps!!
from x-plicity :
I always enjoy your brain poops!
from dramateacher :
Wow. That was incredibly insightful. For someone on the other side of the Atlantic from me, it's almost as though you could see right through me. Scary and eerily perceptive. And I think that on EVERY single account you were correct. The more I thought about things, the more I realized that I do give off that facade. Additionally, I think you're right about making others feel like they might not measure up... wow. You've given me a great deal to think about, and I am grateful. In these last few weeks I've spent more time leaning on friends than I have in a long time, and you know what? They haven't run away! I never realized that people really DO want to be supportive and that I'm not the giganitic burden I feel I am when I ask for help... Thank you for your wisdom and support and continued interest. It humbles me. And I am sure that your bosses or whatever they are must see that perception and humanity and it will reflect weel in the results of your interview.
from tiragem :
Ooh! And I got that song not too long after I spoke to sensualistic about it. Flying Lizards. I think I'll play it next time Flez gives me money.
from tiragem :
I hope I do not sound indolent here, but honestly I have never really bothered to extend my thoughts to truly considering the atheistic position. For me, picking apart the theistic position is enough. I think it has to do with my being surrounded by believers, and therefore doubts - I need to constantly reassure myself that what they're saying is a bucket full of shit. Moreover, me in my agnosticism, cannot fathom how anything works without a God any more than I can reason how it works with a supreme being; I can only comfort myself working out how it does not make sense - trying to figure out how it all works without a God, to me, is like trying to work out an equation written partially in an ancient language, and mostly in invisible ink - just a colossal waste of effort. I think you said it best: "to me the world works without god, I just know I don't understand why...yet". Except, leave out the yet.
from heelandlass :
Haha, it's uncanny the way the mouth speaks before the brain even knows it's required! I was at a work 'do' a few years ago (well, quite a few now actually) and was all hot and bothered looking after dancing far too outlandishly with a couple of my friends - who looked as puffed out as me. The massive boss, head of something or other division in a continent or something said 'hello girls, having a good time? You look like you've been dancing' and I went 'NO, we've been shagging!!'. Oh dear. Not the desired effect at all. I woke up with the most horrific cringers the next day. Deary me. He looked like he was going to start crying!!
from heelandlass :
Thank you very much indeed! I told you - off is the new 'blimey'!! How'd the interview go then?
from batalicious :
So how'd it go?
from puppetgirl :
It's a combination of not meeting many people, especially not anyone I want to have sex with and not being desperate enough to have sex with the people I probably could if I just really really wanted to get laid.
from realsnoopy :
Good luck! You can do it!
from enondoiel :
Good luck! Don't forget to smile, smiling is important.
from x-plicity :
Good luck!!!
from divacowgirl :
It's called Half Moon Bay and its a community, (too small to call a city) on the west coast. It's very pretty.
from ava-reborn :
Good luck lovely!!!! I'm crossing everything!!!!! *hugs*
from elysium1982 :
good luck with the interview!
from nettykins :
I would read =D
from vanoonoo :
i would read :D
from x-plicity :
I would read!
from heelandlass :
Hahaha! Fifer. No. You know far too much about Scotland for your own good!!
from third-person :
At some point, I'd love to e-mail you about my newest foray into "cheating". I'm trying to worh through motives, emotions (namely guilt), etc. and for some reason I felt as if e-mailing you would help. Mind if I write you a few thoughts in the near future?
from tiragem :
I apologise in advance - this is going to be a long note. I agree that belief is not based on logic. Yet, all who have beliefs attempt to justify them with "rationale". My aim was to show how key elements of this "rationale" contradicted each other and were therefore completely irrational. Yes, my logic is predicated on God's existence. My aim was to present those conditions that, according to theists, accompany the existence of God, and show how they contradict each other. If free will exists there cannot be a purpose for everything, and conversely, if there is a purpose for everything, free will cannot exist. I took these to be essential elements of theism, as I have never met a theist who believed that "shit happens". They all believe that all events, great or small, bad or good, have a purpose. You took these to be assumptions, presenting the possibility that there is no purpose for everything - it is all determined by chance, cause and effect, and the volatile nature of "community", but we still have free will, and there is still a God, who judges us according to what we have made of our circumstances. I suppose my error was relying on what people believed, and taking that as cornerstones of their religion. I suppose I should have instead gone to the root of their faith - the Bible itself. If the bible itself speaks both of free will and of purpose, there would then exist a paradox that questions the validity of all other "truths" within the bible. But you might say the Bible is just one book - there are several others, several other belief structures. While I do not think I can invalidate your argument, I do think I can invalidate your argument if God is as described by Christianity. Between writing that entry and reading your note, I myself was trying to deconstruct my argument. I've come up with other possible flaws, and then possible explanations to explain why they are not flaws. In explaining them, I think I have stumbled across somewhat of an answer to your question (though not necessarily an annulment). I'll present everything in my next entry... After exams.
from heelandlass :
Just read your entry about Susan. It really touched me. I literally can't think of anything more to say than 'how tragic'. xxx
from sweet-cynic :
hope her soul is blissfully at rest.
from tiragem :
That's right.
from ava-reborn :
Dose????? I meant does!!!!! Bloody technology!! My fingers haven't caught up with it yet!!!
from ava-reborn :
For the first time ever probably! Dose that mean you agree with me?
from divacowgirl :
Isn't grief in the workplace fun? San Jose is in Northern California and I am in Southern California.
from justwatchme :
Oh yes, I'm great. :) I just don't update when I'm not seeing C, and as we only see each other once a month . . . but this weekend is a visit weekend. I'll be sure to update! - O
from spring-da1sy :
Heh! I never thought I'd be able to say I had fun playing with Bush!
from realsnoopy :
Happy Thanksgiving!
from enondoiel :
They are actually in the south! University of Exeter and University of Surrey. Do you know anything about either of them? Hope you're doing okay :)
from divacowgirl :
I've been meaning to add you for awhile now. I figured better late than never :)
from dramateacher :
I read ALL your entries - FYI. [grin] Thanks for keeping up with my nonsense. And at 31, I don't "oof", but I do "snap, krackle, pop." Oh yeah, Boring Bob is plagiarizing Mark Twain (I believe it is).... look it up and see if he isn't... :-) Cheers!
from tiragem :
Oopsy! I knew I should have checked those links first. Not quite a secret. It's just that I created a separate diary to do all the construction work for this new layout - it took a few hours of tweaking, modifying, and changing. After every change, I updated the diary so I would see how it looks, and not just run with the modifications and end up fucking it up royally. If anyone had stumbled across my diary during the construction, it would have been chaos! There isn't anything in there. No secret. All the secrets I have, I publish under Tiragem. My shadow is just there for convenience.
from realsnoopy :
I'm 37 and I ooof too! :(
from spring-da1sy :
Not to worry, you are a very interesting man. For an old guy. Hugs
from x-plicity :
That entry just got me thinging about the song "Day tripper". LOL Don't know why though...
from dramateacher :
Thirty-one! Definitly within the age range.... [grin].
from chickpea981 :
love you
from justwatchme :
Enjoyed your guest entry on chickpea's diary. :) - O
from spring-da1sy :
Very amusing. I'm glad he's looked you up. Perhaps some time out will take other things off your mind if for only a while. I hope you enjoy it.
from nicim :
11/17 - Tim is not an alcoholic? sorry darlin' but he surely is. you don't have to be a sorry fall-down unsuccessful can't hold a job kinda person. he's functioning, which is great, but it'll kill him anyway. too bad as he sounds like an all round cool person otherwise. enjoy yourself!! XXOO N
from tiragem :
Terrible thing with Jo. Whatever happens, I hope the both of you can cope with it. And whether she has 3 years to live or 30, perhaps you two (with both your wife and her husband taken into consideration) can reach some level of compromise that will at least appease both of you, before death takes the opportunity away.
from batalicious :
It's nice that Jo has you to love her.
from second-love :
im with sweet cynic... i too find myself praying for Jo often!
from sweet-cynic :
i pray for people on my buddylist often. i run down my buddylist mentally and just kind of ask God to bless people with his presence especially if they're going through a hard time. thing is, i rarely pray for people i read about in these journals.. but i find myslf sometimes praying for Jo. odd huh?
from second-love :
Its a tough situation... and you did the best that you could. One of the downfalls of that sort of relationship... somebody ALWAYS ultimately loses or gets hurt. In this case it seems you both hurt. Im so sorry hon *hugs*
from chaosdaily :
im sorry shes gone, but dont think that you left her "more damaged", your relationship might have been one of the few good things in her life. i would have to guess she looks at it that way too, and not as something that hurt her.
from ava-reborn :
*hugs* I wish there were something more productive I could say! It's all so sad! xx
from nicim :
my heart is with you. anytime you wanna talk, just give me a hollar. XXOO N
from second-love :
I wish i was closer than 8 hours from her... i would be there for her (and you) in an instant. *hugs*
from ava-reborn :
Wish there was something more helpful and productive I could say, but well, hugs to you!!!
from second-love :
Damn...i feel your pain like it was my own *hugs*
from chaosdaily :
sorry kevin, i dont think theres anything i can say to make you feel better. but there are good doctors in california too, maybe she can find one down there who can help her..
from x-plicity :
Oh, Kev. I'm so sorry. I wish I could say more...
from spring-da1sy :
Goodness, Kevin, I don't know what to say. You surely don't want to hear all the cliches, so I won't bother. I'm hoping for the best, and know Jo will be in my thoughts & prayers. Hugs
from spring-da1sy :
Thanks. Me too.
from x-plicity :
I decided that I wasn't going to tell Mike where my journal is. He knows I have one but that's as far as that's going to go. Oh, and yes I did get the e-mail from the "real you". No worries, mate.
from third-person :
Hey Kevin. Your daughter's delayed auditory processing may be the result of some receptive language difficulties. A meeting with a speech pathologist may be warranted. I'm a school psychologist, I see these types of things quite often. Just thought I'd try to help.
from x-plicity :
Big supportive *hugs*
from second-love :
*hugs*
from batalicious :
Did you really call her 'pet'? You are old! ;)
from heelandlass :
Yeah fine thanks K. Everything functioning as preferred for the time being!! Thanks for your concern though xx
from tiragem :
Interesting entry, Kevin. Truths, half truths, deception, and bold-faced lies. I almost grew a brain tumor trying to distinguish between the first 3. And honestly, I don't know if keeping abreast of the progress of your diary will make that process of distinguishing more difficult or less. And it's still Thursday for me, by the way. I do promise to live in utter denial of Monday when the time is right, because I've realised that life is never what it is. Life is only what we believe it is. I figure that's how suicide bombers, for instance, believe they have the best lives that could have ever been lived. That everyone else believes them to be the wart on the penis of humanity does not compromise their belief whatsoever. I think I'll do the same, minus deliberately and prematurely ending my life by way of bomb.
from batalicious :
What a fantastic 100th entry. Really interesting and funny. 'Cept I can't quite tell which ones are the curly ones... You wouldn't prefer your warm flat beer then ? :)
from ava-reborn :
Hehe!! The love is young even if I'm not! ;)
from ava-reborn :
Hmmmm... I believe he was faithful too. There are a few, but not many. Anyway, he was before my time. Well, before my legal time anyway!! I was a big fan though! I even had a cat named after him! So, no, no stories about him either! I never even got to meet him!
from second-love :
ahhhhhhhhhhh left-handed... i knew we had a powerful connection :)))
from spring-da1sy :
Very interesting. I believe you were more honest toward the end, eh? Then again, I could be wrong. Either way, very interesting.
from ava-reborn :
OOOO, what character in Eastenders did the girlfriend play? Or was she an extra?
from x-plicity :
30 and 70 are lies...that's all I could figure. LOL
from heelandlass :
Yes.
from batalicious :
Those msgs are weird. My thoughts are that it would be Dave. I'm right-handed but left-eye dominant, didn't know it was less common. Hope you find out some things to help your daughter :)
from second-love :
man... that would completely freak me out if i were getting message like that! But who else could it be besides Dave???
from second-love :
*hugs*
from batalicious :
I so hope you do!
from ava-reborn :
It must be heartbreaking to think you'll never see her again! It's scary that she's so worried about getting the place up to his standards of tidiness for his return!! It must eat you up inside that she's in such a crap situation and there's nothing you can do for her. *hugs*
from second-love :
I might consider the inflatable suit for motorcyclists :)))) AND i like the "cubicles" in the bar for "whatever" :))
from ava-reborn :
OMG!!!! Your taxi-buses idea is fab!!!! I love it!!!!
from realsnoopy :
X-plicity! LOL I'm serious!
from endthelies :
You know, I don't think it's the locked version of that's hotter. I think it's me dating Philip that's hotter.
from second-love :
Glad all is well :))
from heelandlass :
Did you see my burglar bill inspired entry? I loved writing it and I have you to thank!! And I had no idea about mrs wobble the waitress or any of the others for that matter. I can't wait to have kids now!!
from second-love :
Hon... did you add a password to your diary? For some reason its prompting me for a password...?
from second-love :
Awwwww damn... you've got me crying again *hugs*
from realsnoopy :
Wow!
from nicim :
10/26/05 i understand so well dear. i spent years doing much of the same thing, visiting our spots, holding the letters, lighting a single birthday candle, always wishing, always hoping, always believing there would come a time time when...... Now is the healing time. You know in your soul of souls it will get better but it will take all your courage. Keep your head up and your shoulders back. It will come. XXOO N
from dramateacher :
Uh oh... did you go ahead and ruin the mystery and now I look like some kind of alien compared to what you had in your head? Sorry to disappoint! lol
from second-love :
*sigh*... i have also felt the same way about my father - sometime its best if they just go sooner than later. And how do you get off ending with that little tag??? Sweet kiss??? I wanna hear :)
from chickpea981 :
It's not disgusting. I understand completely. I think I've had those same feelings about my father. Also, what is this horseshit about charging for calling another doctor?
from spring-da1sy :
I was glad to see an entry from you-you're always missed sorely when you're away for a time. I wish all the best for your mom and dad. Healthcare is such an important issue, yet nobody can seem to get it right. I thought public healthcare for everyone was a wonderful notion...until hearing some of the things you have to say. On the other hand, I'm ecstatic to hear you kissed Jo-I bet it was sweet enough to be worth the wait. Hugs
from heelandlass :
Don't you mean 'Boglar Boll'???
from second-love :
Isnt it funny how certain locations we just want to share with certain people? I often find myself places... and think "dang - i wish "he" was here with me..." - but then i wake up and realize thats never going to happen :))) *sigh* And hey...I'd hire ya :))) Sounds to me like you've got a great chance! Missed you this past week :) Glad to have you back.
from x-plicity :
Think positively about the job! If you think you�re going to be disappointed, you will be. *Hugs* X
from batalicious :
Hope you're both doing OK.
from tiragem :
No need to feel sorry you asked - or almost sorry for that matter. I'm not sure if you think I was somehow irked by your question, but rest assured - I was not. Cheerio.
from heelandlass :
Oof - I forgot about Bal** street. Next you'll be telling me what colour of hair I have. Or what I had for my breakfast!!
from heelandlass :
I'm racking my brains. Which B Street are you thinking of??
from x-plicity :
Poor thing. It's so sad when a woman feels trapped in a situation.
from second-love :
awwwwww i can understand how Jo feels... poor thing
from spring-da1sy :
Poor Jo. I can only imagine how that must make you feel. She's in a really bad place right now. I hope this move does her some good. Hang in there, Kev. Hugs
from tiragem :
Am I still happy? Hmm... I'm not really sure how I should go about answering that question, especially since I'm not really certain I was happy to start with. Well, life has been pretty good to me in just about every area. Except perhaps love. Perhaps. I'm trying not to just go through the motions - I work hard during the week, then play hard on the weekends. And getting down to exam times, I study hard. Unfortunately, the latter is the stage I'm at right now, so although I must admit my urge to write is (marginally) stronger, I have not the time anyway. So am I happy? Somewhat. Ah... I've rambled on and not even answered your question, haven't I? Well.. Are you happy?
from second-love :
Personally i go for an older man *wink*
from realsnoopy :
Your not crusty yet. Do you wear "depends?" If not, your not crusty!
from realsnoopy :
*giggle*
from chaosdaily :
not longer than ive been alive.. i have clothes that are older than that! ha! just kidding.. i would have been married that long had i gotten married 10 years earlier.. although i think i probably would have been divorced by now, so hard to say. congrats anyway!
from x-plicity :
Wow...you are old and crusty... LOL! Just joking!!!
from dramateacher :
Sorry you had to dig for the definition of "DR" - I'd have been happy to tell ya. No, America is NOT the home of justice, it's just a litigious society comprised of people who don't want to take responsibility for anything. It's my fault that I feel that people should have to pay for their crimes and expect that justice will prevail...
from spring-da1sy :
My vet is a proud member of Wicca, and she seems pretty stable to me. Otherwise, like many of your other readers, I was wondering who was making that entry and what he did with you!
from second-love :
I too was almost sick from the sudden topic change... but i ALWAYS enjoy your ramblings :)
from iam-perfect :
tres welcome
from enondoiel :
There are scary killer dolphins on the loose! I read it somewhere, and couldn't help but laugh. What if the world is taken over by dolphins armed with poisoned arrows shooting from their fins??? I suspect they are the answer to all of Earth's problems.
from x-plicity :
Glad to read you are in a good humor today. *hugs* X
from ava-reborn :
Good god man, that entry was so random and all over the place I actually got a little motion sickness!!! Good entry though! And it's made me appreciate my vet, looks like he could stastically put himself down soon!!!
from third-person :
One of the patients I'm seeing is an emetophobe. In fact, he avoids school during the winter months for fear of contracting a stomach virus. I, on the other hand, have intense fear of bumblebees. ;-)
from justwatchme :
Complete myth. Sex several hours before competing is actually good for you, gets good things flowing. ;) Apparently thousands of free condoms are given out in the Olympic Village every Olympics . . .
from endthelies :
Hey, did you know that Denise Richards has the same phobia about, um, regurgitation? I just saw that on tv. And I felt that you had to know.
from ahwell :
honey, women never stop being disappointed when they dont hear from the one they love. it will take a long time for her to get over that, if she ever does. you made a difference in her life, and she will always remember that.... she has given you a piece of her heart and that piece will always be with you......
from second-love :
More *hugs* for you... its all ive got to give right now
from nicim :
the just along in the dark voice. i use it late at night when i sneak out on the back porch and call Findlay just to say goodnight. and after we hang up, instead of happier, i'm sadder. maybe, just maybe, this move might be a good thing. it will give you a real chance to think, make decisions, pull your shoulders back and head up. Who knows. XXOO N
from spring-da1sy :
X stole the words right out of my mouth! You ARE one of the girls! I don't know about anyone else who reads you, but I find it comforting that there is at least ONE MAN out there who doesn't mind sharing his feelings. It's sexy!
from x-plicity :
Not to knock your masculinity, but you are one of the girls.
from endthelies :
Pssh, Silly. I got that out of your diary.
from ava-reborn :
By the way, I sent you an email.
from ava-reborn :
Precisely!!!! I know!!!! Now see why I think it's over?! But my only issue is over why he didn't just use my "get out" when I offered it! Why didn't he just say, "Yeah, sorry" instead of, "No, it's not that!" When I said "I take it you don't want me to come back!" If he's not interested why try to convince me otherwise!?!?
from ava-reborn :
Thank you for you "male" perspective. It wasn't him cancelling that made me think he wasn't interested. After he cancelled, I texted him to ask if he wanted to do something next week instead. A few hours later, and no response, I texted again asking what days he had off next week and if he wanted to arrange something. He texted back "We could go for next Thursday, that should be fine. If u want you can bring a female friend and we can have a private party" That insulted me to be honest. And it came across as though he wasn't that bothered, so that's why I texted back "I take it you don't really want me to come back next week." He texted back "It's not that, it's just I'm having a lot of problems with my housemates and it's just hard at the moment". So there you have it. Whatever his reasons - his feelings or his housemates, he doesn't want me to go back at the moment! But I suppose if he really wasn't interested he could have just said "Yeah I'm sorry!" or something when I said "I take it you don't want me to come back!" More male perspective would be much appreciated lovely! *hugs*
from second-love :
Distractions can be a wonderful thing if they include Newcastle *grin*
from spring-da1sy :
Thank goodness for well-timed distractions, but do you feel any better?
from x-plicity :
Distractions are always good. Take Care, Hon. *hugs* X
from third-person :
I'm sorry to hear that Jo is relocating. I can imagine how hard that must be for you. Sending hugs your way.
from ahwell :
that sucks. it sure does seem like shes gone, although the writing has been on the wall. sometimes we just dont want to read it
from vanoonoo :
HELL FIRE!
from spring-da1sy :
Oh my! That really sucks-I'm sorry. Big hugs.
from second-love :
OMG... im speechless... in shock really. I want to just hug you. xxxooo
from x-plicity :
*HUGS* I wish I could offer more...
from ava-reborn :
I've only done one car boot. And it was the clothes that sold best for me too. Good luck tomorrow! I hope Jo isn't leaving, but that she just wants to catch up! I'll be thinking of you. I have 3 hours on a train to do nothing else! x
from chaosdaily :
where i live, clothes dont sell at all, unless someone wants them for rags. the last time i tried to sell clothes, i had a "bag" sale, $3 to fill a bag with any clothes you want. i didnt sell any.
from spring-da1sy :
In my part of the world, we call your car-boot sale a flea market. I love them myself. I hope Jo's purpose for the meeting isn't what you're thinking. Then again, if you're both really resolved to keeping the physical side of your relationship severed, and it seems you are, then it could help in the healing process. Whatever the situation, I'm sure you'll handle it well.
from heelandlass :
Hahah! Trust someone well embroiled in parenthood to come to that conclusion!!!
from sweet-cynic :
3 more years to go with our incompetent president. fuck.
from saru-san :
Oh, trust me... those of us with any sense (read: the 49% of us who voted against Bush in the last election) are ashamed to show our faces to the rest of the world. Although if you take into account recent polls, the number of the humiliated is more along the lines of 61%. The fact that it isn't 99% (because I'd still expect, for example, his mother to support him regardless of his brute incompetence) is even more embarrassing. And we've got another 3 years to go. Canada's looking better all the time...
from endthelies :
Not that it will in any way affect your other positions, but I fully aprove of your position on golf. I hate golf, and it's a boring old-man game. You'lll do well to avoid it.
from endthelies :
Oh, I know it's not being updated. But I figured that since I read it, I might as well link to it. And I am reading you here now.
from x-plicity :
LOL!!! I found myself trying to not laugh out loud! Mike used to do the wine/dine thing when he was in sales. "I played golf for a living." Can you imagine? Too funny. *grin*
from saru-san :
Wow. Cricket still leaves me completely baffled, and yet this entry about the Ashes is the closest I have come to understanding ANY part of it. Well done! (Even without a basic understanding of the game, however, it was a very funny entry - a testament to your writing skills.)
from third-person :
Hey Kevin, I did it. I read your entire former diary from beginning to end, and then made my way through this one! It seems wrong somehow to characterize it as enjoyable, so perhaps I'll say it was "eye-opening." Take a look at my journal if you can, only promise me that you'll start from the intro. If you don't you won't understand the backstory or my writing style. Don't worry, I have very few entries. I took a summer hiatus but now I've returned! Danielle / third-person
from krugerpak007 :
I am so sorry to hear about Jo's health problems. I also hope you cheer up Kevin. Please take care. xoxox Kathy
from tiragem :
I'm okay. Just exceedingly unconcerned. Finding the inspiration to write is quite difficult when the time and energy cannot be located either. Hey! I got the results of my level 1 ACCA exam - I got 94, 97, and 81 in 1.1, 1.2, and 1.3 respectively. You think that 97 can get me a world ranking? It'd be great if it did, but you know... those Asians get 100 all the time.
from acornotravez :
I haven't read you in months, just found out you've moved. Nice to see that... -Acorn
from second-love :
The men in my life have a problem with the word "sad"... "sad" isnt necessarily a bad thing but it does identify a feeling that comes about when we recognize a loss or maybe just feel like we are missing something in our lives. Sam and i go round and round about that term. Its not meant to highlight a 'weakness' but rather just a recognition of a feeling...or a current place in life *hugs*
from nicim :
Sometimes Moany is exactly the right way to be. It's certainly helped me!! XXOO N
from spring-da1sy :
A different position in the company could be just what the doctor ordered-newness and change could perhaps take your mind off other things...Hope you feel better soon. Don't worry about moaning-we all do our share!
from second-love :
Im so sorry hon. It must be difficult to not be able to do anything for her and to feel so disconnected. Hang in there... *hugs held real tight*
from x-plicity :
I don't know what to say but I want to give you some form of comfort. You've sounded so sad in you last few entries. Sending *hugs*
from chaosdaily :
ive heard of bronchiectasis but dont know much about it.. i would only have the surgery as a last resort. lung surgery is a tough thing to get through.
from second-love :
First New Castle now GUINESS!!!!!!! you are killin me!!!! *hugs*
from sweet-cynic :
i'm glad to say I've finally caught up. i always learn a lot reading your entries.
from ava-reborn :
Hmmmm.... I'd need convincing!!!
from dramateacher :
Sorry about the lock-up - had a little problem and decided it would be necessary to pull the diary briefly (threats of someone hacking into it - ugly little mess). You can definitly get a password - I'll set it up. Thanks for the continued interest!
from x-plicity :
You know, it's funny how you mentioned that the natural course, after losing Jo as your best friend, would be to go back to Lynne being your best friend. I thought that was how things would end up with Vince and me. If I didn't have Abe then there would be Vince. It didn't happen that way at all. After all was said and done, I wanted neither one of them. Maybe there's someone else out there for you too. A new best friend you just haven't met yet. Just a thought.
from spring-da1sy :
I must say I'm shocked! Also, I agree with Second-Love. Do you think you've given this enough thought?
from x-plicity :
Maybe your conscious is catching up with your subconscious, finally. Just a thought�Welcome back from your vacation. *hugs* X
from second-love :
This doesnt sound like you somehow... oh my i AM worried about ALL the men in my life right now. Is there something in the water? But is there not ALWAYS some greener grass somewhere else??? (who IS this pt with a voice of reason???) Is there not ALWAYS some kind of "dissatisfaction" (as sam likes to call it) in all of our lives and the people we love? If not the fear of flying, then something else? Often times the paths we didnt take (or were unable to take) can grip us so deeply that we find ourselves questioning our every move in the present. hmmmmm i suck - all that pontification and no real help. Glad you are back, my friend! *hugs*
from batalicious :
Hugs! (((((Kevin)))))
from chaosdaily :
once boys pass infancy, they are never angelic.
from second-love :
Have a lovely vacation... wish i could have one :)))
from x-plicity :
Good luck!
from ava-reborn :
Hysterical! And so true!!!!
from gypped :
hehe that was amusing. your brain dumps are treasures.
from chickpea981 :
sticking like a limpet is exactly what I don't want. *sigh* one day I'll find a happy medium. Until then, I continue to wade through the freakshow and have a little fun.
from x-plicity :
Love you to pieces!!!!!
from second-love :
"sweetly" optimistic :))) *hugs*
from spring-da1sy :
I hope you get that walk.
from second-love :
Love you *hugs*
from ava-reborn :
Hugs to you! Hugs to Jo!! xx
from x-plicity :
Jo is in my thoughts. *hugs*
from ava-reborn :
I love you. You know I do. And this last entry is one that makes me smile at how 2 people from such opposing political stand points can be friends! x
from tiragem :
I absolutely loved your entry - Five things about the modern world. Absolutely hilarious! Absolutely true, as well. I must shamefully admit though, that at times, the word 'like' does spill out of my mouth every 8 words or so. It's like terrible. And thanks a lot for the link! (Though in order for the links to work, you'll have to take the "www." out of them). As for those collectables - I think they're a fraud, but your friend just hasn't picked up on it. Either that, or the guy who sold 'em stole 'em from someone he hated just to spite them, and ensured that they were out of his hands as soon as possible (so that the person he stole them from could never find them). A fragile theory, but I've fantasised about doing that so many times that... And glad to know that I wasn't babbling a tub of rubbish in that note to odb. I figure if I have to leave a note that long, it better make a great deal of sense.~Tiragem~
from ava-reborn :
Gutted about the ebay thing! But always best to er on the side of caution! As for the name slip ups, I do the same thing! I often refer to "Dave" as Dave! (when it's obviously not his name!) Thanks for your note! it meant a lot to me! Yes, his family are almost as culpable as him. It's nice to hear someone else say that! No, I don't think having 1, possibly 2, autistic grandkids will help her think about my situation. Her own daughter had hydrocephalus, and was slow for her age. She's an adult now, and about to get married apparently, so she's clearly not been hindered too much by her problems. But Shirley is no stranger to copng with special needs. But her way of handling it seemed to be to ignore it. She's never been a good mother to her daughter. Because she struggled at school, Shirley kept her off and gave her a list of household chores to complete while she went out for the day!! She's such a self-centred, selfish woman, that she doesn't even deal with her own family's problems, let alone concern herself with mine!! But you know what, meeting her again last night may have been a shock, but it's made me realise how lucky K and I are to be out of that family!!!! x
from x-plicity :
You senile?! NEVER!!!
from spring-da1sy :
Major bummer about the eBay biz-if it's any consolation, I'd have done the same thing. Perhaps your dealer friend will give you first crack at them if he's ever willing to part with them. As for the slip-ups, I've found myself referring to the real versions by their dland names too! I've pondered the possibility of succumbing to senility or alzheimer's and spilling all my beans one day. The worst part of that is that I wouldn't be in a position to be held accountable, and others would get hurt and have questions I wouldn't be able to answer. Guilt, isn't it a wonderful thing?
from enondoiel :
Yes, please do teach me other strange elements of the English language! And thanks for the encouragement :)
from gypped :
don't worry sir, I see the simpsons in the sky all the time. it worries me, sometimes.
from second-love :
the %% things arent working STILL for any of us... its not you :(
from chaosdaily :
the percent things just havent worked since the great diaryland crash of '05. i keep trying.....
from saru-san :
I haven't heard of Catherine Tate, but after a quick googling, I am intrigued. And before the sexual harrassment lawsuits kick in, I am referring to the online search engine, Google. (Incidentally, I laughed through that whole entry. Trojans, indeed!)
from second-love :
man...... arent we all LIKE...... obnoxious??? *smile*
from second-love :
hey dude... like... i for suuuure know abou the tour de france and like... lance... dont lump us all americans
from chaosdaily :
so, like dude, like, whats your point? lol
from ava-reborn :
Haha!! I agree with the "like" thing! It's a disease, because as much as I try not to, I find myself doing it occasionally! Catherine Tate is awesome!!!! "Do I look bovvered though?!!" I'm sure you don't watch Big Brother, but if you do happen to catch it, watch out for Science!! He IS Mr "Am I bovvered?!" He used to irritate me, now he just makes me laugh because he's such a stereotype! The whole raising the end of a sentence to make it sound like a sentence is likely to have come from the influx of Australian soaps in this country. It is a very Aussie thing. People older than the generation raised on Neighbours and Home & Away don't tend to do it so much. Those that do have probably just absorbed it from those around them. But that's how it got started. When Neighbours first aired over here and became such a phenomenon, my dad noticed me and my friends doing the raising the end of the sentence thing! He was a bigger pedant than you for speech and grammar! It drove him bonkers!! I'm supposed to do that survey thing too, but there's sooo much I don't get!! So I'm finding it hard to cut it down to 5!!
from sanetwin :
Ew I hate the word "like" too. Unfortunately I find myself saying it all the time.
from heelandlass :
That was like, so quickly done. But, like, you forgot to link, like other people.
from saru-san :
Don't know him? HA! Over here in the U.S., all we ever hear about is Lance Armstrong and his stupid yellow bracelets. Now THERE is something I don't get... all these guys walking around with bracelets on. How about a nice pair of earrings and a necklace to match? And the worst thing is, the bastard is from Texas, so if he wins again, the people here in the great (megalomaniacal) state of Texas aren't going to say that an American won... they'll say a Texan won. Good lord.
from heelandlass :
very slow moving ships, obviously!
from heelandlass :
Isn't it just? We are like ships in the night!!!
from krugerpak007 :
I think Jo deserves much better than her husband. It must be the scariest thing living in fear, and having to invite his mother over to "protect" things. Thank godness she has you in her life, to be there for her.
from heelandlass :
10 years AFTER I was born, but 10 years before I moved to Edinburgh!
from heelandlass :
I did go to Crammond, yes. Didn't go round the island though, the tide was out. Did you live in Edinburgh? You know heaps about it!
from second-love :
It IS up to Jo to one day make the decision to leave Dave... and very astute of you to realize that just because you removed yourself from the picture it wouldnt necessarily help her situation. It probably kept it from getting WORSE, but it didnt reverse the damage that is already done...i hope she has the strength one day to realize she can have so much more. Maybe i ought to take the same advise? *hugs*
from spring-da1sy :
I know you worry so much about Jo. It must be very hard since there's nothing you can do about her troubles other than be there for her, but you do a great job at that. Perhaps one day, she'll have enough of it and move on. Hang in there.
from tiragem :
But the purpose has always been communicated - it's pretty much a given, now. If these people ever bomb America or its allies, everyone pretty much knows why. I don't think it matters much now if the purpose is communicated anyways - I don't believe they think that we will give up our way of life any more than they will give up theirs. It's a war of ideologies that will go on indefinitely. Though you do have to wonder... if America cuts its allegedly questionable links with the Saudis (and all the other crap that Al Quaeda allegedly want), would the hostility against America still be so intense? And very sweet entry by the way - about you and Jo meeting - not quite adulterous but I'm sure her hubby wouldn't be too happy.
from batalicious :
Why thank you for the compliment. It made my morning :)
from tiragem :
morally irreprehensible = morally reprehensible (apologies for the error).
from tiragem :
I do not agree with you - that the bombing was senseless. I would never equate terrorism as performed by militant muslim extremist groups to an exaggerated form of "trick or treat" or vandalism or the like. There is a cause. And that cause is to disrupt the Western world. I can understand how these people view the West. My former teacher, a Muslim, described some people as little more than animals in that they do nothing but eat, breathe, sleep etc; they have no sense of spirituality. I suppose that is how many extremists see us, but they may also see us as morally ireprehensible, not only antagonstic and disrespectful to the "true" way of lie, but repressing those who lead it. Even my fundamentalist Christian parents think very little of those who do not share their faith, and believe their lives worthless. The only difference between my parents and extremists is that my parents would leave the fate of these people to God - not take it upon themselves to rid the world of them. To terrorists we, and our way of life, is a scourge on the world. It is up to them to clean us up. This is how they are "cleaning" it - by doing all that they can to disrupt our lives. And if that means planting bombs all over the UK, then so be it.
from second-love :
OMG! Just got your email... responding right now! So sorry, love. Wasnt ignoring you... XXX000
from spring-da1sy :
So glad you've had a chance to talk to Jo. Sounds like her mother-in-law is rather insensitive.
from ava-reborn :
Thanks lovely, yeah I'm fine. And everyone I know who works there is fine too. x
from second-love :
Trust has been lacking... yes.
from sweet-cynic :
glad you're okay.
from dramateacher :
Hope all is well with you and your friends and family in the aftermath of today's events. It's a lousy thing and I can't help feeling a tad guilty as an American that our country dragged you guys into this war that is most likely the source of the attack... Thanks for your insight, too. Congrats on your son's accomplishment!
from x-plicity :
Um...oh no...now I'm on the verge of overreacting.
from krugerpak007 :
I am glad you are ok. I hope that your family and friends are all ok. Thinking of you, believe me I can relate.Take care. xooxox Kathy
from chickpea981 :
staying calm, but it's still a scary thing. Glad to see you can post (posting = you're alive.) Some of us give a damn.
from ava-reborn :
She'll never be going back to school, so it's not an issue. And there's nothing else she would need it for. So, yeah, perfectly safe! x
from second-love :
Newcastle STILL is my fav... but i do naughty things when i drink too much of that hahahaha so i have been trying to stay away from it :))
from krugerpak007 :
This entry made me smile. You sound ok! and happy and excited! Take care Kevin! xoxox
from sweet-cynic :
i wonder how it feels to watch your son graduate with a law degree. i wonder if and when i'd get to experience that. i guess i should worry about the painful now before looking for the happy later.
from gypped :
ah sir. hope everyone is ok :)
from krugerpak007 :
Thank goodness no one was hurt. Congrats for your son's graduation! xoxox Kathy
from second-love :
Glad no one was hurt in that accident... and i too know about the smoldering "marital" spats -its too bad that it takes a car accident to divert the attention from something like that
from chaosdaily :
my fights with the man are almost always over by the next day. it almost seems like he forgets about them...
from chickpea981 :
one could almost relate your accident to your marriage
from batalicious :
The joys of parenthood, huh! I still have that to look forward to...
from spring-da1sy :
So much stress in so little time! Hang in there, Kev.
from x-plicity :
It sounds like Jack is just rebelling against himself. I find myself doing that a lot lately. It gets frustrating to have limitations especially if those limitations are something we should have complete control over. If he�s told he can�t do something on his own, he�s going to try in order to prove you wrong. Even if he knows it's not good for him. *hugs*X
from nicim :
was catching up on some older entries - seems there's never enough time. two things - would like to find a short version of you/jo/lynne if there is such a thing (time again - maybe a "best entries of"???) so I can play catchup - and noticed a lovely 5-question interview. Since I know you read me - ask.....anything. I will be absolutely honest.
from chaosdaily :
i know what you mean. sometimes kids are constant trouble...
from krugerpak007 :
Glad she is doing well Kevin. Enjoy the rest of your weekend. xoxox
from batalicious :
I don't usually shave my pubic hair, just a bit of a trim if I feel like it. I hate how people and media today imply that pubic hair on a woman is disgusting or abnormal. However, hair removal is supposed to be better for yeast infections (which I have trouble with) and it's fun to play around with the hair down there. As for the cricket, well I'm not a follower, I'll have to take your word for it :)
from ava-reborn :
Glad she's ok and all is well. Have a good weekend lovely. x
from ledemimonde :
(thank you for noticing)
from ava-reborn :
Glad you've heard from her. Hope all goes well. Keep us updated. x
from second-love :
As always... a perfect interpretation of him and how he perceives things. And YES... my life would be probably dull and less "exciting" - but i KNOW i would survive and more than likely be better off for it. And i have all of you to help me :) *hugs*
from tiragem :
I know you're anxious about Jo, so good luck with that. And as for my boobs, I only have 2 (that don't look the average size they really are because my torso is so small otherwise). But I've been standing in front of the microwave on a regular basis hoping to grow a third. And that certainly is balls with that Natalee Holloway kidnapping thing, ain't it? These people need to hype the fuck down. And good luck again with Jo.
from batalicious :
Ha ha - it's our SHORTEST day just about now :-)
from ava-reborn :
*hugs* for you! *hugs* for Jo. And the longest day (summer solstice) is tomorrow. 21st June. x
from spring-da1sy :
Best wishes for Jack-sometimes doctors overdo the precautions. I hope that's the case here.
from nixtress :
Happy Father's Day.
from ledemimonde :
: : feeling a little caught : : hello to you...
from krugerpak007 :
Ava was definitely the attractive woman, I can vouch for that because I have met her!!! I hope things with Jack go ok. I would get it checked out anyway. Have a good weekend. xoxox
from ava-reborn :
OOOOO, I was that attractive young woman with the appraisable assets!!!! Ok, well, maybe not, but I could have been!! lol! Fingers crossed for Jack, but I'm sure he's fine. The NHS may be slow, but when they seriously suspect anything they are pretty good and fast! If they were genuinely concerned they wouldn't leave it a month. They must be doing it to just cover their backs. Have a great weekend my lovely.
from ava-reborn :
That is so frustrating!! We came out of Waterloo and walked along near the eye. Next time you're off to London give me a shout! Have a good weekend lovely. x
from krugerpak007 :
That made me sad, and happy too and just all mixed up. I hope you are doing ok. Have a good week.
from second-love :
Oh my... that entry is scarin me because that IS my life... those ARE my thoughts... those ARE Sam's reactions - i can feel the love in that too... and the hurt... and the longing... and the excitement...i miss those days.. dont you? *hugs*
from ava-reborn :
Thank you so much for your note about Caleb! I needed all the comfort and support I could get, and you helped provide it! You're an angel! Have a good weekend lovely! xx
from enondoiel :
"Oi" is just the greatest expression EVER.
from gypped :
still reading, sir. I just had to comment on that entry but I don't know what to say. so, I'm still reading. ex oh.
from lostmystic76 :
Ok, I'm so curious now...why did my message scare you? LoL!
from second-love :
...another way you are not like him... you will just admit OUTLOUD or otherwise that you love her...
from second-love :
*sigh* yeah sweetie... it was you. But you are NOTHING like Sam. I see more and more now how he is living in a very sad, unrealistic reality full of denial and double-standards. Its sad because he truly, honestly does not see it. I have been living in denial too and in an "unrealistic" way, but i have always called a spade a spade and will continue to no matter WHAT he wants to hear or believe - *hugs*
from krugerpak007 :
I hope Jo is doing ok. I hope you are doing ok. This whole thing is just totally sad to me. Life I guess is just sad for me at the moment. Take care of yourself. Kathy
from krugerpak007 :
Just catching up now. You made me laugh about the Fatman... Thanks for your comments Kevin. Kathy
from tiragem :
Terrible about the poor old guy who was wrongfully accused of being armed and dangerous - I would have thought that in a first-world county like Britain, those policemen would have been crucified. But not much surprises these days. And what's the big deal about ID cards? I thought all countries made a fuss about those things... As for the Healer, the last I heard of him was roughly 8 months ago. I sent him an email saying that I got into where I'm working now and he wouldn't be hearing from me again. He responded with the perfunctory "okay" blah-de-blah. But I broke my word recently and sent him, as well as just about every other person on the planet, an emailed pic of my mostly done painting. Because, you know. I'm a braggart.
from enondoiel :
If I get in where I want to, it's two years in Norway and one in an English speaking country, which I'm hoping can be the US. Much cheaper, and if I don't like it there, it's only a year and not three or four!
from batalicious :
ID card, huh? They'll be microchipping before we know it... And I've not been naked with a female since I was about 10. Our society (and females) is so repressed.
from gypped :
hehe whoops
from virginlux :
Hehe, do you get an e-notice each time someone edits their comments about you?
from second-love :
OH BOY!!! Be careful! He is trying to draw you out. I KNOW he wants to know what is going on here with my writing. He often tries to "fake me out" like he has inside info... i know now that he is concerned about what i write here. Thanks for letting me know. He told me he deleted all the "dland email addresses" and now i know my suspicians are true...that in fact he has not. Very interesting :))))) Thanks sweetie... glad to know my intuition is alive and well!
from second-love :
Yeah, calm... but DAMN BORING :))) I can see now how i was addicted to the "excitement" of it all. And i dont have nearly as much to write :))) - and you give me hope that i can somehow move on from this and eventually have other things to say *smile*
from tiragem :
Damn... the l-word. Left me as speechless as the first time I heard it. And absolutely brilliant entry - "history repeating itself". Very... retrospectively prophetic... if that makes any sense whatsoever.
from ava-reborn :
Funny you should say that, Dave spends most of his free time fixing and cleaning his motorbike. The idea of him getting hot and sweaty, and covered in filthy oil used to excite me, and I would insist he told me just how filthy he was!
from second-love :
ahhhhhhhhh... makes me sad :( *hugs*
from x-plicity :
*hugs* That's all I have to offer. I wish I could give you more.
from sanetwin :
I'm sorry Jo will be gone for so long. I hope she's okay. I hope YOU'RE okay.
from tiragem :
I do admit that I was a tad embarrassed about letting you guys in on what I've been up to these past couple of weeks. Then again, if I was not so lazy about writing in Diaryland, I might have written about it anyways. And you're very welcome for the oblique reference, and you're also welcome for the second oblique reference and for the link I put in that last entry (when you read, you shall see). That was an extremely disturbing entry about being caught by your 14-year-old. He's old enough to understand exactly what you all are doing and to know the name of the position, and everything! I make it a point to open the door extremely slowly when I go into my parents' bedroom in the middle of the night. I've caught them in sufficiently ambiguous positions often enough to not want to see any more than I already have!
from virginlux :
Silly me, somehow I didn't pick up that you were reminiscing. From the point of view of a troubled twenty-something, it sounds like Simon knows he'd do better to accept your help but doesn't want to admit it because he wants to be self-sufficient. The fact that you offer support doesn't go unnoticed though and that makes all the difference. He knows you care.
from enondoiel :
Isn't it? And I know how fond you are of puke! It's romance on a high level.
from sanetwin :
"The foundation stone of mutual love is a mutual trust." I think that is a very very fitting statement to make about love.
from virginlux :
Is it not obvious? ;-) I'm confused now about which one had the baby...? Hope Jo is feeling better xx
from x-plicity :
You're a great father for worrying.
from second-love :
Raising kids can be so frustrating - and they are all so different. There is no one manual for all types. We just have to do our best with each individual. My 20 year old has always been pleasant, agreeable and trustworthy with a healthy dose of self motivation. My 17 year old is book smart, but also very into the "cool scene" and is often easily distracted and led astray. My 9 year will be the death of me by her difficult nature and constantly arguing every point. Why DID we have kids anyway??? :))
from spring-da1sy :
That's a toughie. I'm in the same boat with Jeff. I care and want to nudge him in the right direction, but he resents it. What's a parent to do?
from dramateacher :
I am ok - thanks for asking. I've been checking in on your diary, but neglecting my own! Don't know why, but will update soon.
from second-love :
Thanks hon... i appreciate it.
from spring-da1sy :
Jo is so lucky to have you. It's a real shame that those who should be taking care of her and Alex are creating more work for her.
from sweet-cynic :
what a beautiful entry. congrats?
from chaosdaily :
oh you are so right. nothing is the same..... ever again.
from saru-san :
What a great account. Congratulations, "Dad"!
from spring-da1sy :
Good news! Glad to hear it.
from second-love :
Thank God she is ok. And it was sweet of her to contact you and let you know. The love will always be there XXOO
from second-love :
ahhhhhhh that all is a predicament. And it IS a tough one to know what to do. It would be different if Dave did not know about you too... and there is so much potential for problems if you WERE to go see her or contact her on behalf of the office. Man... sooooooo sorry. *hugs*
from iwanttotell :
What a tangled web we weave... You poor guy-you've got yourself so worked up over Jo and "Poor Dave" and other matters not so insignificant. Lets just hope Dave is so wrapped up in his concern for Jo that he overlooks any small slip-ups or potential meetings.
from iwanttotell :
Yikes! My fingers are crossed that either she remembered to delete or that he won't look until after she gets to it. Keep us updated-you've got me on pins and needles now.
from second-love :
Oh dear god... *hugs*
from heelandlass :
Thanks K - really appreciate the note (as always) xxxxxx
from x-plicity :
Poor Jo. This must be so painful for you. Knowing she's not doing well and not being able to do anything about it. I'm so sorry, Love. *hugs*
from ahwell :
and thanks for adding me :-)
from ahwell :
hmmm are you sure your tv person is for real? they might just be telling you that to find out who you are... cant be too careful, you know!
from second-love :
Would you call the break-up between you and JO cold turkey??? If you could do it over again... would you do it all the same way?? I know that cold-turkey might not be best, but it seems to me to be the easiest way to just get all the pain over with at once. And despite the people that are used to us being friends and together so much (i assume you mean john and K mainly, but also other friends...) i think i have sufficiently complained about Sam enough in front of them to where they wouldnt be so shocked. Part of my "secret life persona" is to outwardly complain about Sam and the things that annoy me as well as complain about him and K and their awkward over the top, "look at us, cant you all see how happy we are" way of being with each other. So i know John wouldnt be surprised - he knows we fight like girlfriends:))))) Part of me thinks i may lose a perfect opportunity right now to just get out of this while the gettin is good... i just dont know. Thanks for your comments, hon... they always make me think *hugs*
from virginlux :
I'd say those psychiatric researchers need to redefine their criteria for what constitutes a psychopath. The mental energy required to lead and enjoy leading a double life, to be deceptive, is one characteristic of many that most psychopaths have. Labeling every deceptive person a psychopath is like calling everything with whiskers a cat. And some cats don't even have whiskers...;-)
from iwanttotell :
I'm sure you handled yourself with utmost professionalism and decorum. That interviewer does sound rather cold. I have my fingers crossed for your prospects.
from heelandlass :
Ah, thanks for your note Kev, I got so much support over that mental email I was sent. I really appreciate you taking the time to comment - I bet you got millions of judgemental emails and notes in your past d-land life. I kind of liked the fact that I'd rubbed someone up that way, if that makes sense. Anyway - thanks again, and even though 95% of the time I do know I'm doing alright, it's nice to be reminded. Because that 5% (the psycopath?!) sometimes needs a bit of a boost! xxx
from krugerpak007 :
I honestly don't know what to say. Just cheer up please Kev, and we are all here for you, and, well I know I am not making you feel better but we are here. This is a lame note, but know you are cared about even thousands of miles away.
from tiragem :
There are probably enough studies out there to point at some habit that each person has and draw the conclusion that he/she is psychopathic. We all have our little quirks, I guess, and some are more quirky than others. (You being the latter, I think!) But my view is that you aren't psychopathic until and unless you've killed/tortured someone or eaten shit voluntarily. If you haven't done either of those, you're safe.
from dramateacher :
Thanks for your feedback - I've been doubting my writing so much lately as I get ready to laugh myself into this intensive writing campaign. Any positive feedback (even if it's only that I can spell correctly) is welcome. I've been keeping up with you - it is indeed interesting to peep into your life "after-the-fact" since I was unaware of the previous diary. By the way - George W. Bush is up to his armpits in stupidity and the downfall of America, in case you're still wondering. Argh! I feel terrible that Tony Blair was dragged down by that moron. Go Labour Party!
from x-plicity :
Hmm...double lifes. I wonder if they're genetic. Just kidding, of course...or am I? LOL
from enondoiel :
Must be good to see that your daughter don't have the ability to be as sneaky as you though ;)
from second-love :
Yes... i DO believe he honestly didnt understand. Its lame and he says he feels so embarrassed and full of shame for being so naive. He's been playing old conversations over and over in his mind today - reading past emails i have sent with new understanding. He feels unbelievably foolish and admits he probably blocked his own mind from the truth, much the same as i have been doing.
from chaosdaily :
shoes?? you fought over shoes? she must be a teen.....
from sduckie :
hmm... probably not a psychopath, I would say... but yeah, I could relate to leading a double life too. maybe even triple and quadruple lives!
from iwanttotell :
You analyze yourself more than this interviewer probably will. Relax, Kev. I'm proud of you for going through with this. I'm rooting for you.
from x-plicity :
A psychopath...hmm. You're not a psychopath and I don't think I am either. Although I have been accused of such things. lol
from lifeasme66 :
Hi there, I recognize your name from second-love... I just wanted to thank you for visiting and for adding me as a favorite. I enjoy your writing. It's very well thought-out and pensive. I only read your current entry for now, but I'll be back to read more. **HUGS!!**
from second-love :
I know there will be more crests... i just dont know how many more i can survive. But like an addict, i find myself unable to stop.
from saru-san :
Fortunately (or unfortunately?) everybody I know knows about my diary, including family, friends, coworkers... Does this mean I am not a psychopath? I don't know; let's ask the people chained up in the closet in the next room what they think...
from second-love :
I dont know about being a psychopath... but i know you have to have a strong mental capacity to carry off a second, secret life. I think my mental capacity gets weaker by the day. And i think it DOES eat away at the fabric of your soul to live that way. I think it catches up with even the strongest... and ultimately will destroy the heart if not the mind. *hugs*
from ahwell :
maybe i am a psychopath.. i certainly do have two separate lives... but eventually i am hoping they will blend into one. everyone uses one name when they talk to me, but still, i do have a personality and life that most people just dont know about. as to secret diaries? yea, each of my lives has one... but they are very healthy things that help me keep things in perspective, no matter who i am that day or that moment.
from tiragem :
I simply meant that I could not fathom such a word being used back in those times at all. Perhaps it is the way that this era (the 40's etc) is shown that makes it so difficult for me to think that dirty words even *existed* back then, much less for it to be used in such a manner - Mustapha Kunt. Anyways, I like the discussion between you and Sexyatheist. I had to go back to the source of that discussion - her entry to understand it though. You gotta admit - she is unrepentant about her opinions - and you gotta appreciate that.
from sexyatheist :
i absolutely don't equate IQ with being right. although they are not mutually exclusive, they are not necessarily correlated either. however, how well a person can defend their position is an indication of their intelligence level. someone who tells me they are right "just because" lacks reasoning abilities and i don't consider them especially intelligent. and as for me, my IQ is above 130 (although i don't know the exact number) putting me in the top 3%.
from betchy :
well, Weston still hasnt seen any signs of spring. in fact it absolutley pissed down with rain last night, so badly that i couldnt get a signal on my digi-box!!!
from tiragem :
Sometimes I believe that a devout non-believer is just as foolish as a devout believer. But I'm an agnostic - what do I know? Speaking of knowing, I learnt two things today. One is that men really a horny bastards; I never knew that not having an orgasm for one day was such a big deal (old age indicator or no). The second thing is that cunt was an obscene word for female genitals back in 1943. Who would have thought..
from x-plicity :
You're too funny!!
from enondoiel :
Always, but then you better stop laughing when you look at me play or I will smack you in the head. And, dear, those shorts... Not good.
from ava-reborn :
Perhaps you should send that to your friends, Mr & Mrs Dick Steel!! Maybe that will bring home to them the evilness of naming their daughter Iona!!!
from second-love :
Thanks hon. Yes, i did and still do forward some of your entries as he is interested in them... but i have purposefully attempted to NOT talk about my diary to him. I know he is uncomfortable with having me talk about our situation ANYWHERE despite the changing of names et al. But when he and I are having difficulties, he jacks with my mind by implying that he is hearing things from "others" that is different then what i tell him to his face. This last week, he even made a quick comment about "forwarding" something to me to prove i was telling him one thing but feeling another... then back pedaling when i asked him what that meant. Of course, there IS nothing to forward... he was just manipulating me. It makes me sad that our life-long relationship will come to this bitter end - but we did it to ourselves. Thanks for the info :)))
from second-love :
Sorry sweetie... didnt mean to sound so accusatory. Innocent exchanges between him and you and X before created an enormously bad situation for me. I dont believe for a second that anything said was MEANT to be for anything but good. He just has a wacked out way of thinking and turns things around to make it sound how he wants. Do you and he have ANY email exchanges anymore??? Even if they are innocent, friendly exchanges between men??? He often refers to you... i think he is just jacking with my mind - which is ultimately what REALLY bothers me. Sorry sweetie...and i DO apologize (again) *hugs*
from tiragem :
What prevents you from being agnostic though? Is there ever any point that you doubt your atheism?
from enondoiel :
Oh K, I have to tell you the funniest thing. I know you play(ed?) squash, and I don't know if you know but I play too, once a week with a friend, and there's this guy who plays at the same time, and HE LOOKS SO MUCH LIKE YOU. It's crazy. And a bit freaky too. The weird thing is, he keeps looking over at us, and I can't help but smile and think: "Hi, K!"
from ava-reborn :
Haha!! Yes, I saw Have I Got News For You last night too!!! Made me laugh out loud several times!! By the way, Happy St. George's Day!!
from sweet-cynic :
:) if you need a place to upload the photo, u can email it to [email protected] and i'll upload and send the url to you.
from batalicious :
Hi there. I used to visit the other place occassionally but am looking forward to more ambivalence :)
from ava-reborn :
How about exchanging the hyphen in the name to "of"??!!!! Are they really that twisted? That's tantamount to child abuse!! Her whole life she'll be met by the question... "You own a WHAT???!!!" Did you image just stop showing up? Or did you play with your template?
from x-plicity :
Wow...Parents like that should be shot! LOL
from dramateacher :
With regards to teaching - it is, in fact, my calling. I know that sounds weird given my complaints, but actually, the job itself changes each year as my schedule of classes changes, as done the number and kinds of students I have. Right now I'm caught up in a political disaster and I'm teaching a couple of really rough classes. We have a gang of thugs currently go through the school, but I will have limited exposure to them next year. That's the best part of the job - it may suck for a year, but there's always a new one around the bend! As for the condition of public education in America - don't get me started!
from tiragem :
Very kind of those parents to give their child a name like that. I would probably do the same to my future children (if any), but then, just having me for a mother would introduce enough trauma into their lives. As for the partner thing - yes, I kinda do want to be a partner. In our local faction of our firm, I did look at the sexual and racial mixes of the partners. Oddly enough though, of the 10-odd partners, only three are (pure) White men. Of course the rest are men... of all racial mixes. But there is a single Black female partner - some hope for me, aye!
from ava-reborn :
That's awful! Have they not said it out loud to themselves?? But whose baby is it? The new bloke or ex husband? Surely the kid won't have both their surnames? Let's hope she only has new bloke's surname! Iona Little Steel is a mouthful, but Iona Little Dick is just too cruel!!!
from ava-reborn :
Indeed we are regular visitors to Legoland. Well, as often as we can afford!! It's only a five minute journey, but being locals doesn't let us off the entrance fee. Bastards!! It used to be a safari park when I was little. We used to go there a lot. As for Edinburgh, it is already on my to do list. I've wanted to go for ages. Oh, and you asked about my best guess for your accent. Well, now you have an even clearer image of mine. I still imagine you with a Geordie accent, even though I know that's not so. Would I be right in guessing there's a little "och aye the noo" in there?? Or perhaps you're not so far from my own? Either close?
from ahwell :
its interesting that you describe jo as "giving you the most pleasure...." etc. do you think things were as easy as they were because the two of you were really only playing? i mean, you both had your responsibilities with other people, and your relationship with jo was more just for "fun". i dont mean that in a bad way....
from dramateacher :
I thank you for your feedback. As I work on myself and my writing, all insight/wisdom/comments/constructive criticism, etc. is helpful. Thank YOU.
from x-plicity :
You are terribly wicked!!!! *hugs*
from vanoonoo :
haha! heeehee. bad you are!
from second-love :
And in answer to your last question...i honestly dont know if i would be happy with the flat ride. Despite the true lack of any REAL physical relationship 98% of the time, there was a freedom there to still be who i was with him... i had permission almost to "go ahead and TRY to make me give in..." Admitedly that was enticing and freeing AND a challenge. But it gave me hope that once in awhile we would come together. NOW he is asking me to actively deny part of myself. THAT much is new. *sigh*... that is what i need to decide
from second-love :
OH GOOD GOD! You are a naughty naughty boy and WILL be punished!!! Dont you know i am in a weak emotional state right now *wink*... good one tho... ya had me goin despite the problems i had with timing :)))) have a great holiday! *hugs*
from sexyatheist :
oh boy. i didn't see that one coming
from x-plicity :
Wait! Don't you have your little guys snipped or something???????
from second-love :
Thanks for your note... as always you are right on............. now to more important things...... WHAT THE FU#$???????? How COULD that be right? How far along is she??? I didnt think you two had hooked up for MUCH longer than that... unless there was something you didnt write about or i missed... good god...
from vanoonoo :
eeep!
from krugerpak007 :
Oy!
from avalonte :
Oh my god!! Keep us posted! *hugs*
from jt76 :
Happened to notice you've added me to your list. Cheers! I read over a few of your entries- its nice to find another guy on here for a change!
from betchy :
i am pretty dure that i spent my teenage years as a boy. i wanted it all the time, and the boys round my way couldnt keep up!!!
from x-plicity :
I love that movie. Mel Gibson is such a hottie. lol. There's some girl talk for you. *wink*
from iwanttotell :
Maybe changing positions there would be a good thing for you-mix it up a little, huh? That movie is called What Women Want.
from second-love :
Pffffffffff X is right... we dont get monday off here........but i dont WANT mondays to be a holiday... that would mean too many people home from work and i happen to LOOOOOOOOOOOVE my mondays now while the "others" are at work and Sam and I are at play *wink* - so shhhhhhh dont give the gov't any ideas
from x-plicity :
Americans don't celebrate Easter Monday and we're probably one of the most christian countries in the world. That is so not fair.
from iwanttotell :
Ahhhh-love your 'rainy day' scenario. It's pouring here, and I can't think of anyplace I'd rather be than in bed, listening to the rain outside, maybe with Phil :-)
from avalonte :
The Monday off work is intended to be in lieu of Easter Sunday. Easter Sunday is a religious celebration and should warrant a day off work, but as most people have the day off anyway, Bank Holiday Monday was invented to even things out. So there you go! There's your explanation! You can sleep easy now! As for the weather, you should move down here. It's been so warm, almost hot, for the past couple of weeks!
from sweet-cynic :
(i believe this is the first note I've ever ever left you) dun dun dun! you are just so intimidating (in the good way). Just wanted to comment on the very sweet email fantasy. oh.... if only.
from nixtress :
Happy Easter.
from nixtress :
Her son is probably biting because he's unable to voice his frustrations as successfully in other ways. My son Trev was a biter when he was about two but it was always the same child he bit. We finally discovered, through observing them, that this kid would pick and pick and pick at Trevor until he'd bite him. Rather than separate them or stop the other kid from picking at my son, they left the boys to work out their problems. The preschool, however, made me get special insurance (in case the other kid ended up injured or infected in some way) and eventually, the other parent threw such a fit, Trev got kicked out of that preschool! We finally found a preschool that Trevor settled into nicely and once he was able to verbalize a little more, we were on a better path. I hope she figures out a way to end his biting :)
from x-plicity :
It feels good to be more open. There will always be sparks between you and Jo. In some ways I wish that Abe and I could have still been friends. Now he's just in denial of everything. It's like I never existed.
from avalonte :
Happy Festival of Chocolate! Have a good weekend!
from enondoiel :
Thanks for clearing that up :) You learn something new every day!
from enondoiel :
Quote: "brushing against your pubic hair or pussy lips" Aren't you technically supposed to say "cunt" instead of "pussy"? Or have you been americanized completely? :) This is interesting. You've always been such an archetypical Brit to me.
from saru-san :
Oh, and bravo! to your eloquent explanation of your pedantry from the point of view of an observer of linguistic change. You've hit the nail squarely on the head.
from saru-san :
I am also somewhat pedantic on issues of language and grammar, although in recent times my attitude has become much more lax. In reality, I have just given up, surrendering to the constant onslaught of incorrect usage. I still scream inside at the use of the subject pronoun "I" as an object in a prepositional phrase. Damn it, nobody ever says, "between you and me", EVER! Always "between you and I", and that is just wrong, wrong, WRONG! Excuse me, I must go shower now.
from avalonte :
I have said the very same thing! I, too, am a bit of a English language/grammar obsessive. Like you say, it's not an endearing trait. It makes you seem rather pompous. I find myself trying to bite my tongue as much as possible so as not to irritate!
from sexyatheist :
hello my friend. sorry for taking so long. here are your 5 questions: 1. can you explain cricket to me? briefly or long winded if you want. i just really have no idea about it and i know you're a fan. 2. what do you think lynn would do if she ever found out about jo? 3. what is the sexiest part of a woman's body? 4. what is your favorite book and why? (i know this one is kind of boring, but i'm always looking for new books to read.) 5. if you were trapped on a deserted island and could have any 3 objects and any 1 person, what and who would it be?
from iwanttotell :
Saved the company a large bit of money? Good going! It would be nice, however, if someone noticed and chopped off a morsel for you!
from avalonte :
Yeah, so much for keeping the wedding a low key affair!! Commemorative stamps??!! Disgusting. As for Gordon abolishing stamp duty on purchases under �120k, that doesn't help much round here as you can't get much more than a run down bedsit for that!
from iwanttotell :
I could swear I had added you, but you weren't there when I looked for you. Now I've got a lot of catching up to do.
from betchy :
Please try not to mention that to me again......or i may have to kill you! unbelievable wasnt it. Arsenal, much as i hate to say it, are playing shite lately. anyway Mr i have a bone to pick with you......i saw the comment you left for Avalonte! what do you mean i seem LOUD! I'M REALLY QUIET!
from nmnohr :
Let me guess......this woman you work with, is single? No kids? Usually those are the ones that are not understanding at all when duty calls. I applaud you for not responding to her nonsense, but I agree. She needs to get over it, or start shutting her mouth!
from avalonte :
Oooo, I soooo understand the arms length struggle!! That note you left Heelandlass is hysterical!! If I'd seen that before you mentioned it I'd have suspected someone else had been posing as you!! It's atrocious! Not you at all! By the way, thank you sooooo much for your note about Mothers' Day!! It meant so much to me! It really helped put it into perspective! I spend lots of days with my mum. I don't need a commercial holiday to tell me to!! Her other daughter obviously does!! K and I are going round for the day on Friday. We'll have our own little mutual appreciation celebration then! x
from sanetwin :
arms length is kind of hard to achieve when she's text-messaging you on the weekend. Sounds like she has a hard time with it too. I don't know how you manage to do as well as you do. I never can keep things like that.
from x-plicity :
I'm so proud of you for being strong like that! *hugs*
from x-plicity :
I wish we could be more open but there's a certain amount of "celebrity" surrounding the two of us and whatever we do in public will get back to our spouses in no time at all. Not that it matters, but M wants to show some respect to his wife and not make her feel like he's dumping her for a younger woman.
from krugerpak007 :
Just been catching up. Welcome back!I am glad Jack passed his license.Congrads! And I echo second-love and avalonte. I dont want to see you get hurt. Take care! xoxox Kathy
from second-love :
Oh damn... i have to concur with X and Avalonte... DO be careful. It IS so difficult to lose a love, regardless if there was ever a future or not... and really do ANY of us know if there is a future? But do be careful to not batter your own emotions again as well as hers... it has been a long and hard road already *tons of hugs*
from x-plicity :
Oh, Kev. Please be careful. It seems that she may want to go back to what you two used to have but if you guys take a step back it's going to just cause a lot more heartache then is needed right now. *hugs*
from avalonte :
Hmmm... sounds like you're in "our" position now! Be careful Kev. I don't know what she's playing at. She's probably just feeling lonely, horny, or whatever. It's probably only temporary. Enjoy it for the moment. But don't read any future into it. Have fun! x
from heelandlass :
Yeah, Martin Wishart's is quite close, I walk past it on my way to work sometimes. How is it? It looks a bit clinical from the outside.
from dramateacher :
I thank you for your compliment. I've been feeling as though the diary has become stale and has perhaps lost its purpose, but maybe there's hope for it yet. Your entries interest me, too.
from nixtress :
I think it's more than just mourning the person; it's also mourning the situation. It's missing, too, the way you felt and knowing there's an ice cube's chance in hell that it's ever going to be that way again. It's hard to settle back into the "regular" way when you've had the "best" of both worlds. And I imagine it's made even more difficult by the fact that you see her regularly and it's constantly THERE, like picking the scab off a sore spot and not letting it heal completely. I'm sorry for that pain :(
from second-love :
Is there a "pre-mourning" cuz i think thats what im in
from x-plicity :
It's worse then grieving for someone that's passed, because you KNOW they are still alive and you KNOW that no matter how much you love them or how much miss them nothing will bring them back to us. They exist out of our reach and it's the most painful thing in the world.
from sanetwin :
I hate that feeling - that mourning for someone that isn't dead. But it's almost like she has died, shes so inaccessible now.
from avalonte :
Congratulations to Jack on passing his driving test! That's great news. x
from therertimes :
Definitely a "Yes I'd like to save this password and username for next time"!
from therertimes :
I'm not sure you coulda have picked a harder diary name to type.. ~laughs~... three times before I got it right when adding to list.. oh de.. Dig the format.
from tiragem :
That is absolutely marvelous! He got married in a part of history! I would love to even see where Henry VIII was playing hanky-panky with his mistress, much more to get married there. And goddamn, I wish there were that many atheists down here. I'll be dead before there is more than 1 per 20 square kilometres.
from second-love :
Yes, as expected... a perfect explanation and you are SO right. Thanks hon.
from avalonte :
THanks. I don't need to tell him as he reads my diary! A very useful tool for letting him know stuff without having to face him with it! Anyway, he KNOWS I don't want to hear about stuff like that. It's only about the second time he's ever done it. I know I'm asking a lot. I'm his best friend. I enjoy being the person he is closest to in the world. I like him being comfortable to tell me anything. But then I put limitations on it. "You can tell me anything you want love!" "Oh my god, I don't want to hear about that!!!" I can see the difficulty for him!! xx
from second-love :
Yes... i need a job... but do i need it to keep me from being so bored that i over-analyze??? or do i need a job to extricate myself from Sam?? Would you agree that i am getting to the same point you and Jo did? That its just "time" to move on? I value your opinion and viewpoint so much and know you can relate to what im going through *hugs* Hope you keep the illness at bay my sweet.
from x-plicity :
Stay Well!!!! *hugs* Just thinking about it makes me a little nauseous .
from avalonte :
I hope you stay well! I'm sure you will. I strongly believe it's a lot to do with mind over matter. You're so terrified of vomitting, your body will not allow itself. Fingers crossed! Oh, and don't you just love how people share every little detail of their illness, right down to their position on the toilet and how they held the bucket! I'm really ill at both ends would suffice, but no, they give chapter and verse! Anyway, keep healthy! x
from tiragem :
You certainly know how to shut a girl up, now don't you? I have to admit... you do have a pretty good point or seven there. I was the first girl Flez had sex with after all. I guess he wants to see what else is out there (and if BJs can possibly get any better than mine). And it's okay. I'll let you get away with the royalty payments on fufu for now. The first usage is free because you're giving it some publicity. *wink*
from iwanttotell :
Thanks for the note. I have felt the loss of the child very keenly. Regardless of a level of consciousness, or not having been part of our physical world, it was a life. A life that cannot be replaced and is lost. Thanks for your words.
from junkmel1 :
I really enjoyed hearing a local's opinion of the Charles and Camilla saga. May Diana's boys one day marry much happier than she did.
from gypped :
happy to see you :)
from nous :
welcome back, k-ster :)
from tiragem :
Goddamn. You're barely back, and look at how many people have noted you already! You should be glad about the impact you have on other people's lives. I love the name of you diary - Parallel Accounting - very fitting, and so to, I now realise, is your ambivalence. I do agree with you with respect to love not being a static "like-this-forever" emotion, but I do think that although it is capable of changing from one state to another, and also of being overt or latent, it will always be love at its very core. Now I would like you to justify your statement about Flez being a normal albeit horny young man. Justify that statement, so that I will get the opportunity to debunk everthing you say. I guess I must be in a pissy mood after all. And judging by the length of this note, I guess I also must have missed you more than I thought!
from arealwoman :
just read your old diary it took me a few days:o) looking forward to reading about you, in your new home~monica~
from heelandlass :
Hurrah, looking to new 'accounts' of your life. Welcome home. xx
from iwanttotell :
Love the new place. It's nice when you can move, and the neighbors are the same! Welcome back.
from x-plicity :
Welcome to your new home!!!!!
from betchy :
glad you're back! i have missed you xxx
from emma25 :
Woo-hoo! So happy to have you back. Glad to see you settled in your new home! Missed you loads.
from second-love :
missed ya sweetie... glad you are BACK! Been waiting... (sam too :)))) )
from nmnohr :
I'm so glad you're back! I love the new home - Can't wait to read more!
from lilfoxyvixen :
as if we could drop you... *wink*
from nixtress :
Happy Moving-In. Glad to see you up and runnin'.
from avalonte :
Welcome to your new home lovely!!! Great to have you back!!!
from enondoiel :
There you are! It's good to have you back, although it's strange to read your words without the familiar layout... Strange, but nice! A change usually is (or leads to) a good thing :)
from chaosdaily :
glad to have you back! keep writing.... theres always more to be said.

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