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Hello anexperiment, I hope everything is well. I miss reading your diary a lot. But I'm very happy that everything worked out for you, it fills me with hope and inspiration. I wish you could've kept on writing though, but I suppose your diary has fullfilled its purpose. I still think about how much your words helped me during my lonely teenage years. I don't think I'll ever forget you or your journal. You deserve all that is best in life.

from rented :

How are things going for you? I know your experiment is over, but I still am wondering how you are doing. I hope you are ok. --Genevieve

from less-than3 :

congratulations. :)

from awomanalone :

checking up on ya. nice to see you're still around. ;)

from tracqs :

I just checked to see if you had written since I last visited and shockingly found several entries! (Today is 11/2) Glad to hear your thoughts again. As far as the 9/29 entry ... this happens to me quite often. I end up emotionally close to guys who are attached and believe it's because there is little room for failure in the relationship. I know where I stand with my friend who has a girlfriend and I know that boundary is safe. I've had two close guy-friends that are now married to the girls they were with when I met them. My heart has been a bit crushed by the change that marriage brought, but I was well aware that it was coming to that end. It's a tricky balance that's needed to keep a relationship like that! I'd be curious to hear more about the relationship from your perspective.

from prissy-pants :

Just a note to say hello and that I hope things are well for you.

from jilllybean22 :

Wow. It's astonishing that you don't have women lining up at your door! Look at your words!!! You are such an amazing person! Don't ever doubt that you will find that 'special someone'. You will!

from connie-cobb :

I love this entry (5/1/05). Amen!

from basicblonde :

Wow, you are amazingly intresting. I loved reading your journal, which I stumbled upon today while I'm home sick from school. I promise you I will keep reading!

from shelliebell :

Well hi- stumbled across your diary and found it interesting to read. My father is bipolar and so is my brother in law, also I think its great that you are staying morally clean and that you focus alot on religion.

from trishapaints :

i'm not bipolar, but i am glad you are coming to embrace that part of your journey. i've found that hiding thoses things that feel less than perfect is really just to much work. this week i will be a 29 yr old hot virgin...it's really not so bad, and in fact is quiet sexy!

from moon-eyes :

I really liked your entry with your dating revelations. I am proud, though, that you took those steps to changing your "problem" with women. You can't fix anything if you don't keep trying. You should continue with further dates because you never know when you will find someone. And I think that a 28 year old virign is something to respect because it means that you're waiting for someone who will understand you and embrace your identity. E-mail: [email protected] (diary locked)

from for-you-only :

you should directly link your profile. why are you still a virgin?

from sexonatable :

Hi! I seen your banner and clicked it I was intrested, I read your entry about your dates and I read a few before that then I went to your profile and I thought I would leave you a note. I did enjoy reading your diary. Mines open if you would like.. It's not always about sex but once in a while I got to get the occasional dirty entry in... I myself I am going to get checked because I recently found out I might be bi-polar.. anyway I enjoyed ur diary!

from quiethought :

Interesting journal, I look forward to reading more

from sweet-cynic :

hmm. i think i like.

from foxinsnow :

I recently came upon your diary because of your banner. I, too, am bipolar. I'd be interested as to what you would think of my diary... just wanted to let you know I like yours.

from shy-isabella :

This was the first time that I read your diary and I wanted to say that you first off are a very good writer with so much depth. I was very intrigued by the entry you wrote and there was a message that you wrote that hit me straight in the heart as this is ultimately how I feel. You are so right when you said: "I realize now that I cannot hold back certain things such as my past. I may be guarded at first, but I must be open with who I am without regard for the consequences. What I attempt to hide will bleed through no matter what I try. So I can either embrace it and expose it to the world, or look like a fool who in plain sight is running from himself." Thank you for putting it down in words that for once helped me to feel comforted.

from shiloh26 :

May I add you to my faves?

from amarnakemet :

And don't be insulted. you do know I bait you right? ... ;)

from amarnakemet :

well I'm glad that you take risks now, but that doesn't insure happiness. I was asking you - what made you happy? what did you fight for (and not in the exhausting way one can fight against depressive bouts, but in the way that you feel like you're actually accomplishing something)? This wasn't accusatory, just questioning. When WAS the last time you felt passion? What do you do with yourself? Come up with an answer for you. And as for the rest of it, I only questioned your use of "character" - I was hardly insulted, I just wanted to know which meaning and the intent behind it. I don't view what I write on my page as being written by a "character" (although if we want to get into philosophical arguements about whether we all play roles...) and I was wondering if you did - as you seemed to insinuate that. But you needn't answer to me of course, your perception of yourself, the questions I was asking - these are things for you to choose whether or not you wish to consider, and has nothing to do with me. And as for taking anything back - no, I don't wish to take anything I said back. Using a diary to explain your unhappiness at never having found love, with the intent that that attract women is a perfectly viable use of your journal. It's not deceptive if you're not taking advantage of people - it's reaching out for a connection. If that is your intention, it will certainly work, as most of your posts seem to be from females. There was no insult meant in it. I was just offering up a caveat, that a good deal of diaryland users are teenagers, and since you expressed no interest in that group, you might want to try other forums. Personally I see no problem with someone your age dating someone in their late teens, so long as maturity levels matched (which is the trick more often than not.) So why would I wish to take anything back? Meeting people with the intention of any kind of relationship is perfectly legitimate. The question then becomes: what did YOU read into my comment that you thought I should want to take it back?

from wifemotherme :

got here via the banner I think I will keep you - I think this might be "the most interesting thing about a guy I have ever read".

from amarnakemet :

"ghostly character" - was that meant as an insult or just a poor choice of words? I only bothered commenting as your diary imparts an avoidable kind of pain. You suggest a need to connect in your diatribes, but seemed less than thrilled when someone suggests that you learn to enjoy life. Would you prefer all your readers just tell you how "awesome" you are, and that you're "like totally cool" because you're a good 15 years older than they are? You created a banner for your site, suggesting you want readers: did you not want feedback? You say you're not stagnant, but how has your situation inproved since you began writing this journal? Personally, I don't feel ghostly, emptying all of those feelings on to "paper", nor am I portraying a character. I use my journal to get out some of my feelings (those not suitable for creative ventures) and to update my friends on events. If this is your purpose, you should probably just mention that your journal is not an accurate representation of you, rather just a dumping ground for the sludge that drips out of your brain, that you can avoid carrying it ito life. With a disclaimer, you can avoid annoying intrusions, and probably avoid the endless string of charming adolescent fawning... unless of course the entire purpose of your journal is actually an attempt to meet females, in which case I'm sure the details of your sad situation will appeal to many loveless girls.

from bonnylisbon :

I've recently added you to my favorites. I DON'T UNDERSTAND how you can be 28 and not have dated... or had sex! I don't mean to come across as rude or insensitive, I'm sorry if I am. But I read your diary, you come across as intelligent and insightful, I don't get it. I really don't...

from starlight42 :

sorry- I was logged in under the site I use when testing new designs, which I am currently doing. THIS is my real diary.

from starlightemp :

Clicked on your banner...after reading your recent entry, I wanted to confirm you came to the correct conclusion in thinking it would be best to be upfront about who you are from the beginning. I think that you can't fall in love with someone if you don't seem them as "real" or "human"- however flawed. Also, if you're searching for lasting relationships anyway- you mine as well be up front at the get go, why waste time with someone who could never understand/love the real you.

from starkitten01 :

*Hugs*..I like your page, am adding you to my favorites!

from semi-moron :

Greetings---- something something something is filling the space you used to hold. i circled the sea to find you weeping in my jar of honey. & you think mere words will make it okay? that you left me in a memory. that you made me cry in the dark. that you colour me blue. & i'm screaming in the wake of you. because your shoes are perfectly scuffed. they weren't that way when i saw you last. i pushed myself against the feeling of being understood by no one. fell into the mud, eyelashes-turned-grey. hated you senseless i hated you senseless. i still do you know. you say it's so goddamn graceful the way i hold myself in a chair. you say it's so goddamn beautiful the way i paint words on a page. you say it's so goddamn wonderful that i make friends by the road. you say it & you make a mockery of meaning. i have sliced your skin in my dreams. i have had tea with your mailman when you weren't looking. i have smelled tobbacco in my soul. there is nothing more that can take me over for an entire evening, that can chase me into the trees, down the shores of shadowed beaches. i have missed you for fortyfive nights. i have read philosophy books, sung myself to sleep, recited villanelles, quoted shakespeare. i have watched the people dancing on the way to work. i have filled myself with knowledge, written poetry for the poor. & do you know what i've learnt from it all? i fall when i forget you.

from bellachat :

I read your journal. The therapy, the medication, more therapy and too much medication, searching for people who share our faith, searching for someone to care about, not feeling anything for them, being disappointed by them, all of these are things I understand and to which I can relate. I wanted to thank you for actually writing it in a coherent manner and making me feel less alone. - M

from lostmystic76 :

Found you through your banner, and I always like to let people know when I read them. Interesting read even though we lead completely opposite lifestyles. One thing in common though is being happy with yourself. Don't worry what others think...why should that ever matter?

from lievout :

Nothing offensive, I assure you. Just another line meant mainly for my primary fave. My first impression is one that I am sure will change after I read a few more entries. You are confident; which is never negative to me. I admire confident people even if they are overly confident or confident for the wrong reasons. Anyway, I merely added you as a favorite so I can read a few more to see if I am interested in keeping up on your meandering.

from techrat :

you are pretty damn cool.

from a1984 :

Like coming of age, like b-movies? Hey I'm 20 and writing a story kind of a mix of the two! read if you wish.

from solitaryblue :

dating is a bitch and a half. there's no getting around it.

from xxwhyxx :

you sound so awsome! I would love to read your diary. talk to you some time. -mallory

from poetichealth :

never, EVER give up on what you wish to achieve - despite what people may tell you. i admire you, and i like your diary, and i think your awesome for writing down all about you, and what you feel and such. it takes a *real* guy to do something like this. :)

from jilllybean22 :

you're interesting. i'm adding you.

from bland-geek :

Hey, I stumbled across your diary by clicking on your banner. I must say, I really enjoyed your entry about the sock drawer. Keep writing!

from xnavygrrl :

I clicked on your banner out of curiosity. I'm bipolar too, however, I wish I would've found you a long time ago! You seem to be a really fascinating person. I too, do not sort my socks, or actually I don't even put them away even if they are together. I am, unfortunately, extremely disorganized.

from dolphersone :

Well, like many of the commenters here, I too saw your banner and had to give your diary a look. I liked what you had to say about OCD- I'm OCD, and what you said sounded better than anything I've ever heard out of any doctor. Listening to you talk about your bi-polar reminds me a lot of my mother, as well. I mean, she's almost exactly like you- experiencing the mania more than the depression. I just found that interesting. You're writing is interesting, and it's easy to read entry after entry. I'd say something like "keep it up" right about here, but, uh, that doesn't really convey what I want to say. So, I guess I'll just say bye!

from punkedupqt :

hi! um, just clicked on ur banner and thought ur entry about the sock drawer was pretty funny and im slightly addicted to ur way of writing. coming from a someone with o.c.d., those crackhead doctors dont have a clue what we actually do. haha, socks are just a mere detail. :) but take care, ill have fun reading! always, meredith+

from yeahimadork :

I clicked on your banner and started reading some of your entries. A lot of your thoughts really resonated with me. I look forward to reading more. Hope you update soon!

from candoor :

happy new year :)

from hateyerlife :

hey i'm spreading joy and happiness throughout diaryland with random notes. or maybe i'm just annoying people. anyways, have a good day.

from insanewindow :

hi, i'm trying to chat with you right now. i really like your diary. sorry, i can't be a love interest (i've only read your first entry so far) bc I'm only 14, but i'd like to be your friend.

from laura-diane :

un: diaryland pw: password

from scottie1402 :

This is quite wonderful stuff...I'm not sure how I stumbled upon you, but I'm glad I did. I'll be back

from simple-me :

I have not read much of your diary but in the little that I have read I'm drawn to your writing and so I've added you to my favorite list because I do think that you will become one of my favorites.

from candoor :

I was relating to the previous note that said "never give up" and thinking of a like from a silly movie... but on the serious side, never surrender to fear or doubt, believe in yourself and you'll find your way out :)

from candoor :

never surrender?

from candora :

never give up...

from hate-mail :

We are two girls...the pranksters of diaryland. We will fulfill your requests, just leave ur name, name of the person u hate and want to send hate-mail, and what they did to u! And we will keep who u are annonymous! Leave us a note, email one of us, chat w/ one of us on AIM, MSN, or leave us a note stating who you want to send the email (both of us can or if you don't care). We will also chat with the person on AIM or MSN is neeeded...thanx and...uh...yeah.

from ayluros :

thanks for changing my description, I think....

from ayluros :

You may think I'm simple, but I'd much rather not be on your list than labeled that way.

from awomanalone :

Thanks for joining the depression diary ring :) Would you please add the html logo to your diary? Thanks.

from anaisnin13 :

I just discovered you. I hadn't checked back into the born-in-1976 ring in awhile and I was surprised to find someone new I was interested in exploring. Your discriptives are beautiful. I will keep reading.

from alwayslolita :

(i tried to add this to your guestbook but it wouldn't let me, i hope you read your notes) hey there. i'm sure things will pass. it's really horrible what you say that doctor did to you. it's hard to say tho what triggers what. sometimes things happen simultaneously. it's strange. i hope you feel better. sometimes when you stop trying so hard the things you want just come to you. hopefully this will be the case with you.

from love-drew :

hi. not sure how this whole locked diary things works. Here's your passoword for darkflora: chacha . I don't mind if you spread it around to anyone. Except my family!

from darkflora :

hi. this is love. (love-drew.diaryland.com) i had to change identities on everyone, and my new diary is http://darkflora.diaryland.com, in case you want to keep reading it. I didn't want to lock it up, and I didn't want to stop writing, but I had to hide from some people.

from love-drew :

you know, I didn't realize I had taken you off my favorites list. That may sound lame, but it's true. I've been pretty frazzled. But, thanks for reading my diary.

from tienesmiedo :

thanks for joining the friendless diaryring. i think we're better off than others in our own sad little way

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