messages to apathyascend:
(click here to add new message):

from flicka :
hope to hear from you again soon. I've missed a few people on diaryland and you're one of them. Hope you are well. I'll be writing and reading more often.
from flicka :
I am back in AZ, and I'm not so freaking manic now. I use words like "loopty-loop" and weird phrases like that when I'm having a bipolar moment....
from flicka :
I'm in Indiana for a new loopty-loop zoo ride through part of my life. I think we need to forgive ourselves soon. I give you a complete pardon.
from candoor :
passing through DLand after months away, i found your note relating to my mention of you in an entry and stopped by here to wave hello... i hope you find your way through the loss-time and open yourself to new-time, if that makes any sense to you... take care of yourself :)
from flicka :
Oh yeah, my new man-child has a 14-year-old, is schizophrenic and bipolar and is talking to himself and chuckling in the living room...actually, I think he's talking with Lee Iacoca (sp)....or Henry Ford.
from flicka :
Hey :) Your comment and journal entry today.....*clapping* and a sad familiarity and a lot of head nodding here. I see we have a reader or two in common. I am flaterred.
from offbymyself :
hello. i know you don't know me, but i love the way you write. it reminds me a bit of my other diary - amber-yoder. anyway, i read of your struggles and hope the best for you.
from flicka :
I don't know, but I wish I could meet you. I don't think we ever will since that's "creepy" and all. I am so fucked up tonight. I just shot 40 cc of tar. I don't know if I'm going up, down, or sideways. There is a guy here, Jeff, who is using me for my house and company. I am not much for company, and I had to ask for a hug and explain how to make the hug feel less uncaring. Is that the most pathetic thing or what? I wish someone gave a shit. I am so fucking daf arts798aujdaklfjd.awre jls56f7s08)_
from flicka :
Naked Tuesdays help. I've noticed, though, I've gained about 30 lbs! It helps if you don't invite someone over that judges too harshly too.....
from flicka :
Sometimes you seem like the only intelligent person on Earth. Goddamned I'm depressed, as the only person I know (in flesh in blood) is dying and probably going to leave me forever. My stupid ex got some chic pregnant and married her. Now, the woman I love is dying. I don't know how to capture this feeling that's going on here.
from flicka :
Hey :) I'm back, trying to not do heroine with my roommate, and like your picure of your soon-to-be new family member on your journal today.
from flicka :
Ignore my last post....god i'm dramatic! I've seen your banners 3 times. It was a cooler than usual one. I clicked on it and realized I knew the writer behind the banner. I'm glad that a bird can make you happy. I've taken in a man who has a 3-year-old child. They hatched in my life the day I checked myself into the mental hospital....I brought home someone to care for.
from anthronut :
I'm assuming that a was good "sick"?
from anthronut :
I see them 2 to 3 times on the days they're run...which seems like just about everytime I'm on here. I just saw two in the past hour.
from apathyascend :
I never see my own banners. When you say frequently, how frequently is that?
from anthronut :
It does indeed. But what does one expect of a first year student? I made a comment about a single entry. Which was indeed, very emo. I have read your diary as I see the banners quite frequently. It seemed out of place next to the rest. Which is why I commented. And I happen to find cultural anthropology really, really fucking boring. Not my cup of tea.
from anthronut :
Ok. so the last comment was made without giving myself the allotted 10 seconds to hold my tongue before using it. I broke a new years resolution 7 days in. I'm sorry that I made you angry to have to write two rather mean comments. It was not my goal to hurt feelings, it was a comment made in jest that was not taken as such. Which, is worth giving an apology for. So, I am sorry. No matter what, there isn't an excuse for it.
from anthronut :
So do you enjoy wasting time creating non-existant diaryland members so that you can bash people without looking like a complete loser? Maybe enjoy life. I can't imagine it's THAT terrible. I had no intentions of causing you to freak the fuck out...Sorry that I have royally offended you. If you don't want the opinions of others, don't advertise your diary. It's simple. Cheer up buck-a-roo! The sun is shining!
from anthronut :
Well, if that wasn't the most Emo thing I've heard...
from wolfish :
hey-- i kind of left the earth without a trace, but i started a new dland. i went through my old faves and am adding you to my new buddy list. hope you don't mind. anyway, write me or something--hope this finds you well, somewhat okay, or at least alive, erika, aka blackdnails
from candoor :
wow, yeah, I hear it, feel it, and recognize it... a banner brought me here to read your words... I've been in the words I just read... glad I'm not anymore, or am I just dreaming that the nightmare really can end? . . . happy new year and may this one be better :)
from imatwin :
Damn right! My room is litterally Orange all over. Hello, by the way. ~Alex
from orgami :
hey augmented one liked the peice about smiling and you hating happy people makes me want to step on a happy meal i lived in my rut for years (a grave has two ends) really had a time with myself and just now in my forty ish times am learning about the world I make eye contact today I like myself today I smile a lot today (smiling is not my nature) and yet I often sell bingo cards for charity bingos after awhile i just want to run into a dark room and scream my face is numb from being stretched the wrong way and goddamit sometimes i do cry alone wondering what all the fluff is about but I like your writing this is where it is i like the big vocab I raise my midnight Diet Pepsi to you ..O..
from zuzus-petals :
Maybe because the alternative is unpalatable and when you get to the heart of why people who were born, lived their lives and died on a tarmac in Haiti woke up everyday.. chose to wake up everyday... then you start to realize if you're lonely you can change that and it all comes down to you and everything else that one might cry about, a thing you wanted and then come to hate, is meaningless in and of itself. And empty process. Maybe... or maybe I'm full of shit (perhaps the more likely.) But whatever the case... Happy New Year... - Zuzu
from flicka :
What's going on?
from flicka :
wow, what's your words mean? Doing well is doing good!!! I have nothing to offer the masses either, and maybe they deserve nothing! To live a game, To pretend nothing, Grasping reaching, Living, loving, dying, wishing! FUCK IT ALL FUCK IT NOW FUCK IT FOREVER I am no poet, I hate the life I miss I want the world I forgot NOBODY NEVER FOREVER FOREVER - EVER :) Life is easy, Life is mean Life is kind, Goodnight :) Goodinight :) Goodinight :) :)
from flicka :
Gawd. Too much to say in a minute....shoulda left for work 10 minutes ago.
from flicka :
Gawd. Too much to say in a minute....shoulda left for work 10 minutes ago.
from flicka :
I'm feeling kinda giddy for you. This wedding and happiness springing out of you is a bit different. I like it. I like your old hostilities too.
from flicka :
Hey :) getting married! I'm enjoying the pain and heartache of being me....with myself, by myself, alone. bla bla bla. I LOVEd Little Miss Sunshine. Somehow that movie gives me hope.
from flicka :
greed and envy come to mind. Really, I have them all, it's just hard to admit--especially after watching the movie 7 or reading Dante's Inferno. :)
from flicka :
I've been trying to think of the seven deadly sins....sloth, envy, pride, wrath, greed, lust??? that's just six. revenge?
from flicka :
I'm reading again. I've been on hiatus working. I love working with "SMI" people. Good times.
from celtickatt :
Thanks for joining the CKYMusic ring. I didn't see your code anywhere though...
from superpumper :
Like the way you translate thoughts into writing. It is very Interesting to me.
from flicka :
goddamnit. sometimes i feel like you are my fight club doppleganger. or something spelled like that. i read your journal and you say the things i can only dream of saying. and fuck people who write without bother capitalizing words. it's just fucking lazy and ugly.
from flicka :
I wish I was near you sometimes. Maybe you could punch me square in the face and tell me that my choice in men suck. My ex-fiance is in the guest bedroom asleep. Naked. My cat is sleeping with him. He doesn't want me for anything but a f!!!buddy, and I don't want that anymore. RS (REM Steve) is in San Diego telling me he feels weird after I left. And he forgot my birthday. He called late yesterday, and I told him it was my birthday. I want people who do not want me back. I sabotage my own life. I am thinking about moving to San Diego. Not JUST for RS. He is 30 percent of the decision tops. so, what's up with you? Drop me an email if you want: [email protected] I hope you are well.
from flicka :
I'm emotional, and I just read your last three entries. Sometimes it's awesome to be passionate about something/someone. Your letter was touching.
from dispies :
And thanks for your note!!! In a way it helps to know that someone knows how I feel. And oh I have the same problem with people that dont like music, I get like mortified when people tell me they dont really listen to music. But then again thats better than like rap,pop,etc. anywho Im really looking for a new layout for my diary...thanks for your note Luv Krystal xxx
from dispies :
I saw the note you left for do-not-judge; you seem like a big music fan, thats awesome...well hope everythings going well for you and I thought Id just leave this random note. Luv Krystal
from do-not-judge :
i love, love, love the way you talk of Courtney. i have a sort of obsession/infactuation with her and its good to know that not everyone else out there only thinks of her as a "druggie whore". i don't allow myself to like Billy Corgon on the basis of all the conflict that he and Kurt had between them. Kurt was so so jealous of him and i think he's hate to hear that Franses and CDourtney were living with him...but anyway, i think you're awesome for like Courtney.
from flicka :
Awesome! I hope the concert is cool. How can it not be? Fate would find a way to show me how....good thing I'm not there to screw the show up!
from flicka :
I hope you are doing well. And yes, I've thought about the "list" that won't go away.
from flicka :
One of your latest entries was, almost, alarmingly positive. :) I'm in a constant flux state of greatness and crapness. The Lithium makes me slower and less creative.
from flicka :
:) Happy for you. The Klonopin just hit me and I feel happy for me....although I don't want to take the meds. My crutches.
from flicka :
I like that CD too. Yep, totally underrated.
from flicka :
God, I could have written that. I am having a terrible time holding on right now. It's weird knowing you feel that way too.
from do-not-judge :
yes sometimes i can't help but feel comfort within my isolation and on the rare occasion that i feel uplifted i can't quite figure out what ot do with myself.
from do-not-judge :
i can identify with your last entry (if i interpreted it right)...its wierd to find a semi-like minded person when for so long i felt asphyxiated by my own feelings of solitude. hang in there.
from flicka :
Yeah, I thought about a heist, a suicide, an excape, a rescue, and a hostage-negotiation today--I'm fucking going NUTS.
from flicka :
You must read my poem entitled "Fuck you" It was inspired by actual events.... I'm dying of food poisoning, brain cancer, or the flu so if I die without saying goodbye--total accident!
from flicka :
good story. i read about AZ ghosttowns and tourist"y" stuff. I guess there is stuff to do here....
from flicka :
was that 2nd to last entry a song? god. i'm so freaking lost.
from flicka :
can i borrow your gun?
from flicka :
yeah, i was kicked out of an office today (of a male friend) who was too busy--I took 2 minutes of his time. I was there at 7:55, and told him I had to go teach at 8. He insisted that I leave b/c he's so busy. it reminds me of a Morrissey song ...You're repressed but so impeccably dressed. You're just so busy, busy, busy, busy, busy, oh-owwwo. Hairdresser on fire!
from flicka :
Forgive me for the stupid sarcastic joke: Your entry made me think, smile, and nearly cry--but, it could have been better if you'd have talked about pies and tart and other desserts..... Fuck that person who won that money. I'm still enraged.
from flicka :
Just found the "poem" Horrible!!@! Frivolous. Here's a poem: I like Taco Bell especially burritos with guacamole and sour creme, yum In my childhood years I was more a McDonald's girl. Death to french fries and hamburgers and long live the taco
from flicka :
what's the "poem"? You can goto my poem in diaryland (hit search) called "Fuck you" I believe you that this poem can be this bad, and therefore I fully back your words with my poem
from flicka :
I just discovered your poetry. I think we might be related. My poetry is in my journal, although it might be easy to miss... cheers....wanna do something that'll make us both feel better? see entry in my journal for details.
from flicka :
Something toxic is going on. Stop what you're doing and play "shiny happy people" and everything will be fine..... Fuck.....my life is on the empty side of life, and I drag it out by staying up late feeling worse and worse. I'm addicted to insomnia. I believe there is some chemical I get from being miserable. If I could, I'd bottle it up and give it to your friend who forgot about you two having a friendship. Comfortable Numb is on....that's the best I'm hoping for. I keep hoping posting positive thoughts and feelings would help me actually feel it--esp if my friends who read it treat me as if things are cool, good, okay. I don't know. I'm such a fake. I'm a model of a distigusting bipolar lier. I've another diary, but I don't want others to know it. You can write me and I'll give you the name if you want.
from flicka :
Help me with that last posting. tom?
from flicka :
he, he, he. Also with the cassette noise nastalgia comes the time when the tape head stops turning properly and you end up with a mess of stringy materials that once held all your favorite mixes.
from flicka :
4 years ago? Who? I cut and burned myself today. Life is getting difficult lately. I don't think I'll do it again, but I feel stupid doing it.
from cdghost :
is aunt helen wanting for the parlour?
from cdghost :
pretty words
from flicka :
Hey, I've been down and out too, and the lists keep me from obsessing about my pusshole of a life, whatever that means. I've been up for a couple of days. It's 8:30 here in PHX and I am starting to fade. I didn't know you went to church. I was pentacostal growing up, and I think the church kept pulling the scars off my wounds and sending me into the world saying, "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger." I tried to kill myself; what strength I must have. I've been very tempting to cut again. I'm trying to do things to help myself, so I've neglected "flicka's manic ramblings." I started another journal so I could discuss people I know without them knowing me (I had some folks find my diary by snooping through my history on my computer). I'm probably not making sense. My brain actually hurts.
from splurges :
Ya know what's even funnier? Some people will probably read that and think you were making some kind of elaborate metaphorically meaningful statement amidst your nonsense. It's the kind that if you were in a college creative writing class, the teacher would make copies and have the whole class read it and express how it makes them feel and what it says to them. Good thing I know better;)
from flicka :
Technically, I'm seriously mentally ill (is that insane?), but I am in complete agreement with you. I get, "Pull yourself up from your bootstraps," or "It'll get better." WHEN?
from splurges :
Yes, your mom has an intolerable knack for complete insanity coupled with peaks of total irrationality. Sometimes she's ok, but every time you have an argument it ends in bloodshed. The fact that this was once literal too, is a testament to her instability. Your logic is almost entirely flawless and you never start a personal attack. She is the complete opposite of this and probably always will be. It's sad, but at least you have other people who aren't insane, in that matter, to talk to.
from flicka :
It seems like your biggest fan :) Yeah, the reasoning is odd, but we all have our moments.
from flicka :
Do share, if you can, some of your findings. I'm loosing it. I know that it's all just an "illusion" we all see. Beyond that, I am truly hopeless.
from flicka :
Hey, wa happened?
from splurges :
Happy Unemployement Day!!!
from flicka :
looking forward to reading you again. Oh, I got an outrageous cell phone bill--you know anything that could help get me off the hook???? My contract is up, and I was hoping to use that as leverage. I'll pay for your insight on your cell phone knowledge.
from flicka :
That WAS a sad article :*( Today has been a better day overall. I actually took my meds....
from flicka :
Tell me about it. I've been mindfucked all day. Also, see my venting after I watched the film "Jarhead." Parasites is the word you used in my notes I think.....you got it right. Just venting here. It's been 4 days without sleep, and my mood is quite poor right now. I supposed I should throw down some lithium and smile.
from flicka :
Your diary is one of the things in life that I look forward to, and I know someone else is out there looking out for me. I'm having a rough night, and I've not slept for 3 days. Not at all Wednesday to Thursday or Thurs to Friday. Now, it's almost 5:30 a.m., and I'm still up. Why does my ex-fiance like to hurt me? He wants to be my friend, but he doesn't want me to be without him. I'm hoping that you don't hate your tomorrow. Neither of us should consume ourselves with men's negativity. Or ours.... Night.
from splurges :
Wow, weird cooincidence. Thou they were on the phone with eachother at the time, so the younger brother probably heard the crash, freaked out and drove off the road, too. Makes me also wonder, perhaps them being on the cellphone added to the lack of control. This is why I tend to slow down on curves in the road. I know how easy it is to go into a spin, especially if your tires suck. There's not much you can do to recover either, just sit and watch things turning. If there had been a tree up near the road when I went off, it'd have easily killed me too. Yay for deforestation. But yeah, that must be completely shocking for the parents. To have both your children dead within 15 minutes of eachother must be devastating.
from flicka :
Extraordinary gift with your mind & with words.
from splurges :
Actually, the fight over creationism in the classroom isn't about it's mere mentioning. While we didn't hear about it much in High School, they did mention and talked quite candidly about it in college, but called it what it is. Just a religious view of the beginning of life and they talked about it respectably. But, the debate is about how these intelligent designers are pushing for it to be an alternative scientific "theory" to evolution. Which it clearly is not. There is nothing theoretical about an idea based upon no facts and is completely untestable by the scientific method. So, that's really what the fight is about, from the scientists perspective. They don't care if it's mentioned, just not promoted as "science" and "theory" when it's absolutely not. What's laughable is that some of the Dover school board even said they hadn't even read about what intelligent design/creationism is, while delberating on the issue. Pennsylvania seems to be full of many many morons.
from flicka :
I always learn something new about the world or myself after reading your journal. You are insightful and have such a way of putting W into place. 32nd degree mason? Wow. Secret Societies? I need to be more informed--at least I could be more interesting to talk to if I could throw that sort of information into my conversations....
from flicka :
Bloody hell. I can hear her shoes. Maybe you could tell her that a friend of yours would really like it if she wore rubber-soaled shoes.
from flicka :
can you lend me the gun on your page?
from flicka :
hmmmmmm. somber or something I'm not seeing?
from splurges :
If one wished to jump off the Brooklyn Bridge, why would the ability to swim matter?
from flicka :
I've been up and down and nearly drawn and quartered this week; however, death wasn't with me. Katrina sucks. Good stories, bad stories, filth, mud, water, shit, death, guns, looting, and fucking REFUGEES. Domaders....
from flicka :
maybe I could jump, jump off the Brooklyn Bridge, but I don't live in Brooklyn and I don't know how to swim.... Jill Sobole or something. Yeah, the Popeye thing does raise A LOT of questions. Thanks for alerting me to what should have been more obvious. Spinach doesn't build that kind of muscle, and wouldn't combat scurvy.
from splurges :
AAAAAA Very Merry Unbirthday, to you!
from flicka :
Was it dark meat or light meat chicken? Maybe you got the wishbone and did not get your wish. Maybe you medicated while medatating. And you can't tell people the whole faerytale because we are bad people who'd write it down, pretend it was ours, sell it, and live VERY confortably on your dinner tale.
from flicka :
Hey, I just wanted you to know that I'm reading your diary. Hope you have a better life than me.....23 was my favorite year, and 28 was nearly my death. 30 is better, but I harbor resentment and rage.
from splurges :
Yeah, you must have been preeetty pissed;D
from jt76 :
While I feel bad that you weren't able to take (and pass) your drug test, that was fuckin' hilarious!
from madfuzzyme :
to be 'well rounded' uh-huh... hey, just feed your uterus to the third world kids. it's got to be full of nutrients. you know scotswomen used to boil their placenta after having a kid and eat it. once, when my cat had kittens and she started eating the bags, i thought she was eating her mutant kittens... man, i'm glad i don't gag easily... ;) sleep easy, hehe
from madfuzzyme :
that's great. hey, some chick's are just hawt like that. i had pancakes today, so in your face! go bisquick!
from jt76 :
http://www.antiwar.com/news/?articleid=2444 This country is fucking EVIL. Remember: President Bush says, "They hate us for our freedom." Yeah, right.
from madfuzzyme :
ack! nice e-mail addy... i was trying to figure out what the buttons meant... nah, don't worry about being too logical. my sister (devon>9) came home from a week at the beach with a bucket of seashells. how cute. open bucket. they're conches. :| DX so of course, i go off my rocker and tell her (without screaming like my eyes are. they get pretty loud at times) that she just stole the homes of some sea animals and that im no longer related to her, because she's cold-hearted and doesn't care about the sanctity of life and the rights of animals to live in cosy homes. dude, they were like the $5 million dollar versions of crab houses, and she just plucked them up like some marauding giant that wanted a dollhouse for their DUST. DX again, my eyes are screaming their corneas off, and you're not too literal.
from madfuzzyme :
XD you're too kind. it may get you hit by a baseball bat one day, so watch out. i be a chick. the androgeny is bonus, 'cause since you don't know whether the writer be male or female you sort-of have to make a third gender. one which you have no biases against (yet). it's nice to read without bias. remercie de votre attention.
from splurges :
That guy's site is fuckin dumbass. "Take a musical journey?" You've gotta be kidding me. He's acting all hardcore, yet starts with a line that seems to be right out of Puff The Magic Dragon. And the rest of it is just a horrible euphemistic misadventure into meaninglessness.
from splurges :
That is so ridiculously funny and bizzare. Playing Christina Aguilera music as a means of torture. Although, of course, pointless, since it's pretty well known that torture has never been a reliable means of extracting information. It's ultimately self-defeating as a means of control.
from splurges :
Eggies, 10,000 Eggies, Spam and bacon.
from jt76 :
I figured out why it isn't working- its coded as an m4a file type, which is basically an mp4 without the video. I am going to convert to an mp3 when I get home and re-post it.
from jt76 :
There are a few songs on the CD that have really grown on me. Like all of his other stuff, it takes a few listens for me to decide if I like it or not. It certainly isn't his best work, but its not his worst, either. Were you able to download the file? I am curious if that link/file type is working or not.
from hissandtell :
Oh, well. Love, R xxx
from jt76 :
True, true. Married with Children was definately an exception to the rule, as was Roseanne. I never really like Married that well because it just seemed so overwrought. I loved Roseanne, though. I think it was one of the few sitcoms on TV to portray family life like it truly is for most Americans.
from for-you-only :
I see your point. But I could pick back at your example.. just too lazy/busy to, right now. ~Pink
from flicka :
Yeah, they did the same thing to me. Fuck ebay. We should send out mass letters for people to sign and email ebay with the names, but we'll have every virus known to man and woman attached. We will destroy that piss of shit company.
from jt76 :
I say we burn the mothas to the ground.
from flicka :
I've had the poetry sucked out of me. Truly, I'm dying. Don't let the bastards get to you.
from jt76 :
Hey! Chicago is actually a pretty cool town. I agree with you on the pizza thing, though. Chicago deep dish is not for me. Chicago is only like a 3 1/2 drive for me, so I try and go there every year or so. Lots to do, if you know where to look.
from blackndnails :
i know exactly what you mean.
from ladybutch :
Yes,I also hate the way every "little" thing is a mountain to climb for me, and no one notices it, since it festers in my head, and is invisible.Nice to see you care.I also regularly read your diary."See" you soon
from patw-21 :
we have 300 baby pictures of a 3 month old baby
from miss-k2 :
Thanks for the "Larry" warning. I don't know what the hell I was thinking.
from jt76 :
I would assume you mentioned the grilled cheese thing because, well, she already did! http://jt76.diaryland.com/041117_89.html
from jt76 :
I don't suppose you own a mac. How unfortunate for you. on the NIN web site, he has a file dowload that works with the mac program 'GarageBand'. Basically, the file is a collection of all the samples and loops used in The Hand That Feeds. So if you have a mac and you have GarageBand, you can use it to make your own mix of the song.
from flicka :
Yep, I understand the Ketchup deal. It happens at drive-thru windows--they forgot to give me the guacamole on my nachos supreme. You have to watch "them" everytime. Single mothers and retarded people are not the best combination at the check-out/bagging lane.
from flicka :
Nice chatting with you last night. I'm a night owl. Keep in touch. I'll keep reading and writing.
from flicka :
I read quite a few entries of yours tonight, and I have to say that most chics are dumb; however, I'd have to say most men are lousy thinkers too--not you. I enjoy the way you write; it's not boring and your use of language is delicious.
from poetown :
thanks so much!!
from ladybutch :
Your diary is the first one here I found worth reading.
from splurges :
It's edgy! It's controversial! But it's very well done. Creative, simple and real, so yeah you'll most likely get plenty of flack. Most people don't want anything to do with reality. They've done such a great job creating a yuppie fantasy world that's about as realistic as those background matte paintings in old 50's movies. Good work.
from blackndnails :
no, that doesn't make you sound like a slut; things happen. i'm glad to hear that you're doing okay now. i must confess, you gave me a scare for a while. i guess i could take this opportunity to say that suicide probably wouldn't be the best way to handle that situation, but at the risk of sounding preachy i won't. try to take care of yourself, k? ^_^
from blackndnails :
hey there. i'm not really sure what's up, but it sounds kinda bad. hope you feel better, or things get set right, or whatever. take care.
from jt76 :
Wow. Pregnant. That would suck. Right?
from jt76 :
Did he cancel half of his last tour? I didn't know that. Lucky for me I got to go, huh?
from jt76 :
OK. May 3rd. Its official. I heard the first single on the radio today.... not too shabby. I'll need to hear it a couple more times to form an opinion. Definately more 'catchy' than his last project. Woohoo!
from for-you-only :
Thanks for filling out my drugs survey.
from blackndnails :
no freaking joke, man. i about shit my pants when i found out NIN was coming around to my side of the universe, but i'm really kind of scared about ticket prices. this is the kind of curse we are born with for having been born past the 70s. how i wish i could have experienced at least once in my life an $8 concert ticket.
from jt76 :
No, it wasn't as well received, but I think it was the best work he's done. I have toyed with getting the 10th anny of downward spiral, but I already have all the songs from disc 2 from various other places, so I'm not sure it will be worth the investment. Time will tell...maybe I'll change my mind.
from jt76 :
Its kind of funny that you mentioned that- I had a very strong feeling that "The Fragile" was going to be his last album. I figured he would go into more production and soundtrack work after that and ditch the whole album/touring thing. I guess I was wrong!
from jt76 :
That sucks about NIN. I have already decided that I am not going to attempt to see this tour. I don't know- maybe I am just getting old. That being said, when in the FUCK is the album coming out? I keep looking at the website hoping to find out, and they aren't saying... (furrows brow in anger).
from splurges :
Yes, you have been informed of the toilet phenomenon. This is a highly unpleasant experience especially when your shit happens to hit the inside of the bowl. But, I have found a moderate solution for this, without any tucking. You simply take a length of toilet paper, bunch it up and stick it between your shit and the bowl, creating an effective and comfortable barrier. Problem solved.
from limned :
words. they can't ever really represent what you mean when talking about the abstract either. they're tricky that way. whatever you do, don't stop writing.
from splurges :
Yup, you're right about America and I happened to find this really good article, out of Time Magazine, so you know it's not just some random opinions. They're simple facts. http://www.time.com/time/europe/magazine/2003/0120/cover/view_eno.html It follows very closely to every point you made and goes even deeper into the socio-political structure. Perhaps you should have your delusional friend read this too, perhaps it'll make a microfracture in his Titanium cased skull.
from teachin-usa :
everything is political- history, science, art, what books the kids are allowed to read or not. it's no wonder that we are one of the stupidest, most ignorant nations on earth (in proportion to our gnp, that is). textbooks have lots of mistakes- purposeful and accidental. i also hear teachers making content errors all the time. and to correct them? that goes against the teacher culture. the teachers are so bullied by the administrators that they bully each other too. in the end, it's all about "what the book says". you are right. it's like a parallel reality of misinformation skewed for political reasons.
from teachin-usa :
i know what you mean about hating school. i hate school too, was a really bad student. even in college. now I am a really *good* teacher, but because i refuse to be a cog in the machine (and don't fit in at all) the public school establishment gives me a lot of grief. home schooling is a great way to go (but how do you plan to pay your rent? have a rich "husband"?)- i would never put my own son in the system where i teach. the problem is when parents can't home school because the parents aren't educated themselves (ie can't read or write). many of my students come from this kind of background, and i am doing my tiny part to try to better someone's life (including my own) by putting up with this horrible work environment to try to teach these kids to be free thinkers and to open their minds. With a little luck they can live past 25, and/or escape the slavery their parents find themselves mired in.
from kristinhank :
by the way, rollins band, black flag? very nice.
from kristinhank :
it's good to know that you dont consider me a "complete waste of existence". i can understand the sentiment, most girls are pretty damn stupid. so, thanks for the message, i think.
from teachin-usa :
which banner?
from jt76 :
Damn- thats kind of obsessive... I would like to get an 'imagineering' mouse pad, though. Do you ever watch Arrested Development? Pretty damn funny show, but I don't think they take full advantage of Mr Cross... Forever yours, Fervil Lankman
from jt76 :
many apologies for the lousy spelling in that last note- I was just so excited to see Run Ronnie Run on your faves list I got carried away. Yes, I've been a big fan of Mr. Show since it was first on HBO years ago. I have bought all the DVD's, and watch them constantly. Yes, I remember the Ronnie Dobbs song. However, my favorite is the Wicked Septer episode.
from jt76 :
Oh oh- and I almost forgot: 'I thought that my home was my caslte.... with no one scrutining me.... no cops, no lying bitch no hastle....ya'll are brutalizing me.... Can't a man not enjoy his beer in silence? Can't a man not crudely lie and scream? Can't a man not control his bitch with violence? Ya'll are brutalizing me....
from jt76 :
Damn- I went in and tried to read whatever snide, condesending remarks you had left for silver-blue, and she must have deleted it. What a cop-out. If you're going to have an online diary and you put up a banner to attract readers, be prepared for some negative feedback. Otherwise, stop wasting everyone's time. Oh yeah- you rock, btw.
from splurges :
These people are so formulaic. They always respond the same boring ignorant way. Silvershit's blatainly obvious. What the hell is a "Pointless attempt at a note?" If you sent it... and she read it, it was a complete success. Right out of the gate she's contradictory. Also, if you create anything you'd call a banner, then you are out to impress. That is the point of banners, to impress and market something. As for a rock, well why crawl? If you're actually small enough to fit under one, why not simply walk or jaunt under? Finally, why would a loser be on the top shelf? Who keeps their worst books or items on the top shelf? Sorry Silver, your points are specious and contradictory. So, I'd rather be a loser than a complete moronic tool.
from mystictaco :
apathy, if you want to know more, please AIM me some lonely night at xxGIRLNUMBER2xx and i can tell you what you need to do to make morning glory work.
from silver-blue :
Thanks for not only wasting your own time but mine in leaving that charming, pointless attempt at a note. I'm happy to say I don't care what you think of my banner, and never did I suggest for a second that I was out to impress you. Either go and crawl back under the rock you came from, or get a life, either way you're doing humanity and yourself a favour. Congratulations on being a top shelf loser.
from apathyascend :
lol... I had saw their site on a randomized banner; it had a catchy tagline, but on the inside was full of terrible things and I just had to make them aware of this. I left them a note about it, and she nicely left me one back. It's all about the notes. >_>
from splurges :
WTF is this person mumbling about? Even I can't comprenend this grammar, but her site is incredibly sickening and makes me want to invariably projectile vomit. Then after reading some text it inspired me to stand mid-day in the Mohave Desert with a magnifying glass and burn out the corneas of my eyes.
from krazieespy :
drug abuse, severe depression and pills.. Catchy profile and to think my diary sucks... Please dont leave anymore notes on my diary.. Im glad your entitled to your own opinon, but negative feedback is never good..
from apathyascend :
That's a good question. But have you ever taken a train, eaten it piece by piece AFTER you just derailed it with your penis? And besides, a lot of people say a lot of things about Hawaii.
from mystictaco :
thanks for joining my diaryring. (what were you thinking?)
from apathyascend :
And furthermore, don't try to make me look stupid on my own fucking site. You're really so fucking annoying sometimes that it's no wonder you sit by yourself all day.
from apathyascend :
Oh shut the fuck up; it's an online journal -- instead of hunting through my posts to find something wrong, go hunt around and find yourself a life. Or if you can't seem to find one, use your 'note posting' energy to spruce up your own topics, dipshit. kthnx.
from splurges :
While I fully condone education on freemasonry and the illuminati, I find one of your last statements to be very ignorant. And know, with you, this is not a stance I would take lightly. To believe something simply because it's too hard to believe and most people deem it perposterous is a highly illogical statement. It's only that one statement I find complete fault with. I think if you put a little more thought into it you'll see how wrong it is. Just think of anyone practicing Wicca, New Age, Ghost Hunting or any other similar fields using that sentence, as they could easily use it to support their own beleifs. If you had said you believed it because the information and verifiable facts made the possibility of their existance highly probable, leaving little doubt, then that would be accurate logical reasoning. I hope that is what you really meant, since you weren't going to provide everything you learned so far in one post.
from boogityx2 :
Hi, thanks for joining the Arrested Development diary ring!
from seasparkle01 :
Hey, thanks for joinging the Mark Bellhorn diaryring! Glad to know someone else loves him too. I'm not insane after all ! :-)
from splurges :
It was Wade Boggs. He ate chicken wings before each game and I remember him eating them, while riding a horse, after winning the World Series right before he left the Yankees.
from catz-eyes :
g'day, just wanted to say welcome and thanks for joining the "I Have Verbal Diarrhea!" diaryring. cheers, =^..^=
from splurges :
Look! You're educating the school kids. Become a teacher with a secret ajenda to corrupt the masses.
from blackndnails :
lol, actually, i asked my yearbook advisor if he knew who he was and he looked at me like i was the biggest freak of the week, but he did tell me who he was. thanks for the heads up though.
from blackndnails :
ps- i really like your template! uber cool.
from blackndnails :
i stumbled upon your diary, read through your stuff. i too often find myself watching people and thinking about who they are, what they've been through, and how i'll never see them again. i'm adding you to my favorites, i hope you don't mind. and if you do, well...hm. oh well.
from candoras-box :
I'm really intrigued by your discourses on life. Especially the one about strangers. I always try to think of people as people with entire background stories and entire lives, rather than just someone who is ringing up my groceries or holding the door for me. It would be nice to be able to just pry into people like that, to scan them with just a glance...but...well. Nice work. I added you as my first favorite diary.
from splurges :
Oh Jeeez! Nervous about the joke.
from apathyascend :
Thanks for the note; it's appreciated. '84 is about a time when things were less complicated, mixed with memory of certain people that are no longer in my life like they were then. "When you did your dive" is in reference to a family friend who would come over everyday and he'd take me swimming, and one day, he did this really silly dive on the diving board, and I still remember it vividly. So, most of me wants to get that back, and it's 10 cents to go back, and 10 cents that I don't have.
from snow666white :
umm hi... within pseudo thoughts, I found "84"... random and stimulating... is this something in which you had composed? Your metaphors and figurative language is interesting... Great diary :)
from splurges :
I think as far as being one of those it is mostly the Emotional insurace that best describes it. You mostly stay dead last because it keeps you from having to play the game and really take the risks that you took before and lost. You're keeping yourself safe and not letting anything bad happen to yourself, unfortunately the effect is that if you don't let anything happen, nothing will ever happen. But you do have your moments. Some of the good still gets thru, but that's the conundrum of depression. You do have one up on many people, because you do acknowledge and, at times, have a slight handle on the logic amidst your depression. You know what's wrong with you, you know the bad feelings are an illusion; a product of the emotional damage done to you. People do experience depression in different ways, there are different intensities and what led to your depression, be it chemical and/or the sum of your experiences, is unique to you, which is why there is no cure. As far as you mentioning special, gifted or interesting, that's subjective and really isn't a real statement, that's simply a product of the depression. I think feelings of special, gifted and interesting are mostly produced by those around you growing up. You gain those from praise. They're all a part of self-esteem. Since, you didn't get much of that growing up, on top of having bad relationships throughout, that's why you feel that. It's hard to accept that a reality of depression is not real when you've become so accustomed to it. It's a part of you that is good and bad. It's kept you safe from further damage to a degree, while at the same time keeping you from further joy. You're in a state of neutrality much of the time. And, of course, a lack of meds doesn't help matters, but you'll get them when you can. You are special, gifted and interesting. Not in comparison to the entire planet. Stepping back and seeing the big picture has it's place, but stepping forward and seeing the details that make up the picture are just as important and valuable. You have to do both to get close to the whole story. I think you're special, because you are a good friend to a few people and they all enjoy your presence. You're gifted in a few ways, one being simply your incredible memory retention, your savy, your candor, your awareness of yourself and the world, you're ability to care and try to care despite your limited capacity. You do the best you can. And interesting, heh jeez, where to begin. A big part is your awareness of the world. You pay attention to the details of life most people pass by. You don't bullshit when something serious happens. You're incredibly logical, whereas most aren't and you didn't read about it, you learned it naturally which makes a big difference. You also have a depth to your personality, where the more you dig the more rewarding it becomes. Sure, you're not perfect, you have your moment's of being rude or annoying, but you know when it is and if you are wrong or went to far you do feel sorry and apologize appropriately. You don't hide behind pride like most do. Despite the funk of depression you're surrounded by, you still see what's real with more clarity that anyone I've ever come across or seen. You're not pseudo-depressed, you're not a poser of any kind, you don't need to dress like a vampiric retard who shops only at Hot Topic, you are yourself, geeky, goofy, sarcastic, accepting, giving, special, gifted and certainly interesting, as abstract as those terms may be. So, hopefully this gives you a little insight and think about it. It might be true;) Later Snotface
from apathyascend :
I was talking to you, Splurges. You smell.
from splurges :
I hope you weren't calling me an assclown. But, yes you have called me one on a few memorable occasions;D
from ravynespeaks :
Welcome to my Paranormal and Pilates-Fan diaryrings. Thanks for joining!
from pretty-pussy :
welcome to the reno 911 diaryring! thanks for joining.
from peth :
welcome to the harold and maude ring!
from caspia :
Thanks for joining the ilovenerds diaryring!
from fallensword :
Thank you for joining my diaryring. Your diary is truly abstract and interesting. Would you like a 6-piece or a 20-piece? Visit my diary anytime. fS
from onewetleg :
all right. thanks for joining the i hate flowers ring. i read all six of your entries and now i know more about baseball and feeding old tires to tigers than i ever wanted to. thanks. feel free to take all of my surveys if you want to. i am a self-promoting publicity whore.
from apathyascend :
Did I ever mention that you're an assclown?
from splurges :
WHoo, I get to be the first to leave a useless message. So, I will say Harry, Blue, Can, Gorg, Scent, Lobs, Cord, Cat's Pan, Flip Flops, Cell, Oratory, Crest, Oval, Latter, Cemetary, Gown, Hermes, Ramble, Sector, Nancy, Bletch, Ambulance, Jack and Mutton.
from apathyascend :
I like to message myself. It's the best, ever.

back to apathyascend's profile
recommend this diary to a pal?

Other diaries starting with the letter:
a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z

Back to Diaryland

Recently updated
News
update April 6, 2020: Sorry, we just had 8+ hours downtime due to a server problem. Restoring from backups took soooo long, but everything is back and no data was lost. Ay yay yay! Anyhow, hope everyone is well with the virus stuff.

Sign up for paid membership if you want!

Users online