messages to aryssa90:
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from loveherwell :
so sorry to hear, but glad to know that everyone around you has been so supportive <3
from lust- :
Sending love🤎
from sparkle-pink :
thank you!!!!!!!!! had a good day, everyone called or messaged. My birthday dinner was on Tuesday (sushi). Yesterday we had perogies with sausage and it was very good.
from thruthecrowd :
homebuying is among the most painful things I've ever experienced and it's not even my house. ha. I'm sooo happy you have a place that is *yours*, finally. <3
from lust- :
Congrats on the engagement! Wooo! *blows bubbles* Gonna keep my eyes peeled for that engagement ring post. <333
from loveherwell :
your family's picnic is so, so sweet. what an absolutely lovely tradition.
from lust- :
Lots of big changes for you! Sounds really hopeful, hope you're able to receive the good and celebrate in the joy that it brings. Also, funnel cake is one of the best things in life. I'm so glad you finally had one!
from sparkle-pink :
thanks! I'm proud of myself!
from loveherwell :
where in europe are you thinking of going? i hope the stress subsides soon, but it just feels like it never does... *insert stressed laughing emoji here lol*
from thruthecrowd :
Thank you for caring ❤️
from lust- :
Oooh a girl crush?!
from sparkle-pink :
thank you!!
from loveherwell :
belfast!! that's so exciting!!!
from thruthecrowd :
❤️ :'-( Thank you for caring.
from lust- :
The Emo Nights there look SO fun with the live band. I'm going to one here next month but all we've ever gotten is a DJ. Still gonna belt it out though!
from lust- :
Thank you so much!xo It sounds as if you had a very productive day. Great job! I feel as if those can be rare.
from sparkle-pink :
Thanks for your note. It wasn't cool of either of them.
from lust- :
Having weight loss surgery does not sound like the easy way out. I'm sure it was a decision you did not make lightly. I'm proud of you for doing what you felt was necessary.xo
from lust- :
Sending you lots of love as you move through the grieving process. Shit sounds tough right now.xo
from lust- :
Sending lots of love. The not knowing for sure sounds scary.
from thruthecrowd :
I'm 8/9 too. I can't bend forward because of my kyphoscoliosis, but I've got everything else.<3
from dangerspouse :
THANKS!! (And you know what I want for my birthday? Your stupid password! For some reason the one I have stored in my computer's ancient memory bank is not working. Did you change it? Does god hate me? Whatever - send it. And cake. Mmmmm....cake.) :)
from loveherwell :
your self care, at the very least, sounds lovely. it *is* temporary and you'll move through this.
from sparkle-pink :
thank you!
from loveherwell :
i'm so sorry -- all of that is so awful. i wish i had something helpful to say. just know i'm thinking of you.
from lust- :
Would it be doable for you to make a trip to OK? That would be rad! I actually met the friend that I have over there from this site. Also, all the yes to Zoom yoga. Let's get it sorted!xo
from loveherwell :
i am not too far from nashville, and for what it's worth, it really is one of the blue dots in a sea of red (so it will be relatively aligned with you politically, but... yeah. definitely more conservatives over here in the south). maybe that helps a bit haha.
from lust- :
I'm so glad things are looking up for you! If you do end up making it to Ottawa some day, I would love to meet up. I'm a mere three and a half hour drive away and could make the trip over.
from thruthecrowd :
yes to everything you just voiced...you're not alone. I can't even put this into words. <3
from thruthecrowd :
I love that we both got new rugs...I know it's small, but it's something, and it's nice. <3
from loveherwell :
you seem like you've had a rough go this last bit of the year -- i'm sorry that you're sick again! i am hoping that the new year begins with much better things for you.
from sparkle-pink :
I definitely had that thought myself, that I'm enabling her. I had a conversation with her today that I can't help her anymore. She's my baby sister and I never want to see her hurting but sometimes you gotta put yourself first you know? Now that I won't pay her rent and she knows that, she will actually spend her money wisely. p.s. I didn't get username/password for your diary. I would really love to keep reading. If you're okay with me readings, you can leave a note that I'll delete or send an email to princess_jessica16athotmail.com
from loveherwell :
i have finally caught up on your entries and HOLY COW i'm so sorry you're having such a hard time right now! i am sending you all my good vibes and hoping you feel much better soon.
from lust- :
Thank you for the note & for the support. It means a lot.<3 Really sorry to hear about your not so great experience with the flawed medical system. It sucks when we expect professionals to advocate for us and they fall short. You deserve better, too. In every aspect of your life. I know you'll get through this and come out even stronger 'cause you're a fighter. You're a strong, badass woman who continues to do what she can for others even when shit is tough.
from deadish :
ah, thanks for the well-wishes! did your ex use any heparin in his dailysate for his peritoneal dialysis? and does he keep diuretics on hand? all sorts of things go into PD. it is so complicated. but so easy and much more freeing than hemodialysis! i dread the day i will have to go on it. booh. but i hope your ex keeps his chin up and such.
from lust- :
I hope those bath bombs you posted made you feel better!🧡🖤🧡
from won-too-tree :
Can I have your pw? [email protected]
from thruthecrowd :
I had a brief experience once of tasting nothing. Food was just texture for several weeks. It was gross and I fully lost my appetite. I'm sorry you're going through this :(
from thruthecrowd :
NO! :( I'm so sorry...this is so unfair.
from thruthecrowd :
ugh...I'm sorry about everything. I'm sending *hugs*, at almost 3 am. <3
from lust- :
Sorry to hear you've been having a hard time. Hope the fog lifts soon. Also, great job on getting good marks in your classes. I'm hopeful you'll get the Hell outta the States and live your life the way you see fit. I get the keys to my place October 23 so will be moving either on that day or the 24!
from lust- :
Sounds as if things are very busy on your side! Stay safe at work. Are you all going to be tested?
from swordfern :
I'd like to keep reading you if you wish to share your password info with me. Hope you're OK! swordfern23 at g-mail
from lust- :
Thank you! Really glad you're loving the new gig!
from sparkle-pink :
hiya! would you mind sending me ur username/password? you can e-mail princess_jessica16.at.hotmail.com
from thruthecrowd :
Please message me your user/pass to read your diary again. Idk why nothing I'm entering is working. :-(
from loveherwell :
thank you so much! and work today was great :) did you change your pw?
from lust- :
Congrats on the new job! Hope you love it!
from whystinger :
Sex is a great anti-depressant. That said, you may have to take matters into your own hands or have him participate with his hands instead of his penis, if he has an open mind. The problem with my ex was it was like she didn't like to orgam and had a closed mind, would not consider using a vibrator or letting me use one on her. Some of her orgasm problem was due to medicine and if she would have allowed a little bit of play, she probably could have worked past the blocked orgasm and had much more pleasure. I was willing but she wasn't. Between sex, guys can be anywhere between five minutes and a few days. For me, I could do twice a day, but not in rapid succession. Hard to really explain, but I didn't mind a second time even if I didn't orgasm. It was the closeness and intimacy that I wanted (and still want).
from whystinger :
Pillows for a nest? To sleep on or bury yourself under? I used to go buy an inflatable pool raft to take camping. Buy a double if you want to cuddle up with someone or buy two. They also have those air mattresses, but they take a bit to blow up and take up a lot of room, but can be oh, so comfortable.
from swordfern :
Oh wow, I'm so glad that you were able to have a conversation with Tim and that it turned out well. I often write notes and then wonder if I've overstepped or projected myself onto someone else's unique situation, of which of course I haven't experienced myself. The sobriety vs. sex drive situation seems delicate and exceptionally challenging to navigate. Being able to speak openly about this shows maturity and bodes well for your relationship!
from dangerspouse :
Steaks and S'mores! If there's a better menu on god's green and Covid ravaged earth, I haven't seen it. I hope you didn't throw up TOO much of it! (Sorry about the acromony with Bill, though. That was tough to read about. I hope you can make some headway with the toxicity factor this Thursday if you go. All the best, really.)
from swordfern :
Something that I've learned is that for my current partner, his recovery time is around 24 hrs. If we try to do stuff before this much time has passed, he won't orgasm. And further, the longer we wait between sessions, the better the release feels for him. I felt a lot better after having this discussion and realizing that the frequency of sex was related to a physical limitation. Just adding to the discussion - your guy may have something else going on or feel differently. Now instead of initiating sex for a second time within 24-36 hrs, I instead ask for a massage when I'm looking for connection and intimacy. Which usually leads to him doing extra things for me with his hands. I try to maintain a mindset of seeking pleasure rather than an orgasm, and pleasure can come in many forms. Reading 'Come as You Are' by Dr. Emily Nagoski helped me understand a lot more about female (and male) sexual desires. Anyhow - it's a tough situation when your sex drives are misaligned. Frustrating on many levels. Hope some of this helps - you are not alone.
from swordfern :
Sorry to hear about your Uncle.
from catsoul :
6.15.2020. I am sad to read that your uncle has passed. Death stops the body, and the soul flies on I feel. We as the living need to carry on your uncle would want you to find your joy in living life. Be at peace within yourself. Peace. =^..^=
from sparkle-pink :
so sorry about your uncle. hope you are staying well.
from loveherwell :
i’m sorry about your uncle. i know you knew it was coming, but it doesn’t make it any easier.
from dangerspouse :
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! I'm glad the puppy's ok. Damn. And DAMN - 30! Many more, babe :) (Don't get Animal Crossing. You'll never get anything else done ever. again. ever. ever ever.) Hang in there.
from jimbostaxi :
5/2/20 Everyone who was infected with the virus is doing well. Crossing my fingers and hoping no one relapses. Stay safe and thanks for the note.
from lust- :
Thank you for the note. I called and commented on the worker cause I also felt they didn't do a good job of listening. Anyway, it's all done now. Looking forward to seeing your bread. And a garden sounds fantastic!
from dangerspouse :
Oh no, I only just saw your note now (4/30). I HOPE I'M NOT TOO LATE TO SAVE STUART!! Shit. I'm sorry. Oh but wait - your entry today seems to indicate that he's still alive! Hooray! I knew you could do it :) Hey, you gotta post a pic if that wet ball of Playdough actually ends up turning into a loaf. I'm so proud of you! And.... my best to your uncle. Hang in there, kid.
from dangerspouse :
YOU were into Wow? Cool! And to think I believed I couldn't like you any more than I do. Oh wait - you're also making sourdough starter! And duck confit!! Jeez, can your Cool Level get any higher?? :)
from jimbostaxi :
Hey, I see your open again that's awesome! I have actually been a reader for quite a while now. I saw you wrote Tim found your diary? Yikes! I know you were crushed about buttercup and missing that message but maybe Niffin Quentin Tarantino will fill some of that void. The COVID-19 entry I posted was hard because up till now I saw the emotional toll it had on people but it never invaded my life. Now, it's here and it's frightening .. ,, for two days now there have been many tears shed and there might be more to come as other family members have been infected. I'm very sorry for taking up so much space on your page. Take care, stay safe!
from jimbostaxi :
I hope all is well with you and your family. Happy Easter, stay safe.
from loveherwell :
did you password change or is my computer just horrible? :( thank you for your note - it's okay, everything is just so magnified right now, and being in my head is the worst place for me. but we will all get through this. :)
from tinea :
lmaooooo
from won-too-tree :
I emailed you :)
from won-too-tree :
May I have your password?
from dangerspouse :
AHA! Ok, disregard my email. I figured it out by clicking on random locked diaries. Sheesh. OMG, first duck, now filet mignon? I must have missed the entry where you bragged about hitting the lottery! Damn chica, this self quarantining thing is working out pretty well for you, huh?
from lostasyou :
password? :(
from jimbostaxi :
Hi, may I please have a password? Thanks
from dangerspouse :
Hey - did you password your diary? WAAAAAAHHH!
from dangerspouse :
YOU MADE DUCK!! Oh my god, if your various guy components ever dump you, hit me up on the rebound. YOU MADE DUCK!!
from swordfern :
Gah, love the descriptions of your meals. A wonderful diversion. Thank you.
from lust- :
I generally don't reinforce the barking and have told her "no" or "uh-uh" and turned my back, but as I stated in that entry, I was fed up. It's the constant barking while I'm already in a mood that does it for me. Thanks for the advice though. I'll probably do training with her either online (since that's what dog trainers have opted to do these days) or in person once this has all settled. Also, you're definitely not selfish for not going in to work. Aren't you still technically ill? You're being responsible and safe. Take care.xo
from dangerspouse :
I'M SO GLAD YOU DIDN'T HAVE THAT FEVER!! BTW, I bet you look damn hot in that mask and glove getup. Because you still have a great rack :)
from loveherwell :
i'm sorry you're sick!! especially now, that's even more stressful. but re: your note, that sounds like a lovely idea - something, at least.
from loveherwell :
you deserve to have things going well - i'm happy for you!
from swordfern :
This sounds like a much better place with Tim. Letting go is difficult but sounds like it's led to a transformation for the two of you.
from lust- :
Thank you for the compliment on the stained glass! Means a lot to know that people enjoy the pieces. I'm glad that you and Tim have found a better flow, that he is sober and that you are taking things as they come.
from lust- :
I did one of the Astrology videos for Scorpio yesterday but only made it through 10 minutes because she was doing the splits and I was all, "naaah." I did another one today and found it very helpful. I like that the videos aren't too long, but I am still able to feel as if I'm moving and stretching my body in a helpful way.
from lust- :
Rad I'm gonna do an Erin Motz video today. Thanks for the recommendation! I find it's tough to stay in a routine now that I'm not regularly going to classes and it's always nice to be able to change up the lessons/instructor.
from lust- :
Thank you! It's so nice to know I have support. What yoga program are you doing, is it Yoga With Adriene?
from jimbostaxi :
Feel better and crossing my fingers you get one of those jobs :)
from dangerspouse :
Y'know, I haven't really wanted to comment on all your Tim/Trev0r Drama entries. It just feels intrusive somehow butting in with my thoughts on such personal matters. Plus I'm a guy, which means I don't really understand them anyway. But I do understand food! So, KUDOS AND MAD PROPS FOR THE MUSSELS AND CHORIZO DISH! Woot! Woot! Wooooooot!! Sounds absolutely fabulous, and I'm very impressed :)
from lust- :
Sorry to hear about the IUD. I opted for a hormonal one and have not had any issues. Probably not what you wanted to hear though! I read that the first bit for the copper one takes some getting used to. I'm sure you'll be loving it in no time. Also, I LOVE that you're making it a goal to get certified in sex therapy. That is so awesome. I know how sex positive you are, so this will be a huge step in the right direction. Amazing overall. Have fun at Dashboard!xo
from sparkle-pink :
thank you! I'm feeling better now that I am in a different airbnb. Not only is it much nicer than my former one, but I don't have to deal with moving stress for a month.
from whystinger :
Probably a large emotional relief. Nothing wrong with that as self-care.
from lust- :
Thank you!<333
from dangerspouse :
Hey babe, thanks for the rockin' note! That was one of the nicest things you've ever said to me that didn't involve sex ;) "A brochure for some Napa winery" cracked me up - I thought the same thing! Oh, and congrats on getting motivated enough to lift yourself up out of your dolor and get your room painted. Yay, alcohol! Is there nothing it can't do? Rock on, kiddo :)
from lust- :
You say that you were punishing Tim, but it sounds as if you're punishing yourself, as well. Obviously time away from a relationship that you were very invested in is going to be hard, but if you know you are engaging in self destructive behaviours then it's time to take a step back and re-evaluate. What do you need in order to be happy? I know that for me I really leaned into friendships and further strengthening the bond I had with my parents and niece. I made sure I did things that didn't involve alcohol and if they did, I set a limit on how many drinks I had because I know how I get when I have one too many and I do not like that version of myself. Hang out with your friends. Take your dog for longer walks. Have a friend join you for said walks. Do things for yourself! Get back to the root of why you wanted to take a break in the first place. You are so strong and going through so much and have taken care of others for so many years. It's about damn time you put that same amount of energy and care into yourself. You're going to flourish soon. I can fuckin' feel it.
from loveherwell :
you are so, so lovely. thank you so much for your note! congratulations on the raise (even though the work itself is less than ideal). and navigating breakups is *so* difficult and *so* individual for everyone. when matt and i broke up, he finally had to break off any contact with me, and it's what finally pushed me forward. but figuring out the best way to move forward for *you both* is excruciating. but i am sure you will figure it out soon. <3
from dangerspouse :
Oh no! I hope whatever you came down with, it exits the building ASAP (through whatever orifice). Did you get a flu shot this year? Please hang in there babe. If you croak now we'll never know how this soap opera ends!
from swordfern :
Why have you not been cooking or working as much as you wish to while *in* the relationship?
from lust- :
I love that you're putting yourself and your needs front and centre. I know that for myself, I forgot about many of the things I was doing for M that were not aligned with my genuine being and even small things that I did or didn't do because his well being constantly came first. Example: I like leopard/cheetah print clothing, but he doesn't so I would limit how often I wore it and now I feel fucking free whenever I wear this one gorgeous leopard print blouse that I have. I think it's about damn time that you experience that sense of freedom again too! Also, I agree with Tia, buy the Dashboard tix 'cause y'know, it's Chris Carrabba(!!!) and if Tim ends up going with you, great, and if not, you'll either find someone else to take the ticket, or you'll enjoy your own company. &you can sing/scream Screaming Infidelities extra loud so all us DLand peeps can hear. ;-) Also, thank you for your note and for the support. Sending so much love to you.xo
from loveherwell :
i'm sorry you're going through all of this. but the focus on yourself, the focus on the things *you* like, that's a good way to go. i would buy two tickets to dashboard, but i wouldn't necessarily plan on taking tim. (and i'd still be happy going on my own.)
from comebacktome :
Oh I am so sorry babe. Let me know if you want to Skype at night? xo
from poetinthesky :
Hang in there... Hope all is well.
from swordfern :
Two concurrent endings. Sending compassion.
from catsoul :
1.15.2020. Hi. So very sadden to read about the death of your grandfather. There is also another loss your going through with Tim. So sorry. Hang in there, hang on. Rest and just be, so the feelings can be let out. Peace. =^..^=
from sparkle-pink :
I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your grandpa, and also about Tim.
from thruthecrowd :
❤️ I'm sorry...ugh...I'm thinking of you. And sending hugs.
from dangerspouse :
1/15...hang in there, babe. (((( ))))
from whystinger :
I am sorry for your loss.
from loveherwell :
i'm so sorry :(
from lust- :
Sending you and your family love through this time. Saw your IG post, your grandpa was very handsome indeed and I'm sure he was a wonderful soul.xo
from dangerspouse :
I'm very sorry for your loss. I'm sure he was a wonderful man, you have my very real condolences.
from thruthecrowd :
unfortunately masters degrees don't transfer. Even if it could, i couldn't because there's nothing else here that would accept my credits. :(
from poetinthesky :
Me either, small world after all. I live in the Whittier area, what about you?
from lust- :
I just HAD to listen to "A Little Bit Alexis" after reading your comment. God, I love that show.
from sparkle-pink :
Thank you!! Yeah, Buca di Beppo wasn't good. I forgot the mountain of leftovers in the fridge at the hotel and I cried because I wasted so much food. My sisters however were really thankful I did that so they didn't have to eat it!!
from loveherwell :
dating IS the worst. why people gotta be like that?? come on, STEVE, get it together!!!
from poetinthesky :
Thank you. I've been reading your entries too and I think it's a very healthy thing to do for you to think of what's best for you first! Don't ever doubt that! Just realized we're both in the L.A. area. :)
from dangerspouse :
Yeah! Stupid sheep! Reminds me of this joke: two sheep walk into a bar, and the bartender says, "GET OUT OF HERE YOU STUPID SHEEP!" Hey, thanks for the note, kiddo. I and my dingy underwear appreciate it :)
from poetinthesky :
I know exactly what you mean about men and games. Hang in there!
from comebacktome :
OMG, I would have gone to Jeff Goulblum with you! Next Rex Manning day!!!
from dangerspouse :
So, when you say Jeff Goldblum "touched you"....
from tinea :
thank you <3
from dangerspouse :
Uncertainty can be a real soul crusher, and the stress it causes is real. You're not a horrible person for concentrating on yourself but having a hard time determining the correct course to take. We all go through it. Hang in there and be confident that you're both good and smart enough to make the right decision...unless you fuck it up. Don't fuck it up. That's my best advice. ;)
from loveherwell :
that's a good mantra for the year. i think we don't give ourselves enough time to figure out what we *really* want, so it's admirable that's what you want to do in 2020. keep it up.
from dangerspouse :
"Glorious man"! I love it! That's going on my next business card :) Wait, let me get this straight: your guy only wants sex once a WEEK? As in, just 4 times a month? I don't get it - you've got GREAT tits! What is he, a girl? A vegetarian? Dead?? That's really tragic, and an absolute waste of a good woman. I don't care what other good qualities he has, you'd better sit him down and lay it on the line without worrying about being diplomatic or sounding too harsh, or you are gonna be in for a long, frustrating life, chickie. (I wonder if his alcohol consumption is killing his libido? I understand that is actually a factor with people who are problem drinkers.) Anyway, yeah. "Get laid, or get out" should be the meme you hang on your front door until he gets the message. Or out. Jesus. Once a week. That's less often than most priests, even.
from whystinger :
Tim just needs to tell the chick not to text him or he should block her if he is chicken to tell her. This is a valid concern for you.
from dangerspouse :
Hey babe, Happy New Year! I hope your '20 rocks. Hard. :)
from dangerspouse :
MERRY CHRISTMAS ARYSSA!!! (Don't make a bebe. You think your life is hectic now....) :)
from dangerspouse :
HAHA! That's all I was doing by coming back, really. Fulfilling the fervent Christmas wishes of my adoring masses. I hear your boobs hurt though, so I'm gonna give you a bonus present: a free massage! Lucky girl, you must have been very very good this year for me to offer that. (Normally I'd defer to Tim for chores like that. But he's apparently NEVER FUCKIN' AROUND WHEN YOU NEED HIM. Men! So I'll step up to the plate here and do what has to be done, even if it's not something I would normally enjoy. *cough* You're welcome.) :)
from whystinger :
Tim's family is in town and he can't see you while they are in town? That does not compute. Is it they who don't want you around or Tim? That might bother me. I read "Tim had a relapse" so I assume it is drinking and he is on some meds, so I am not sure of what is going on, but I will take a risk and give what I have learned, which may piss you off, but I care enough to risk pissing you off and I should have said this to a few others. If a person is in recovery, they should not be dating or in a relationship until they have been sober for a year or so. This may be why he doesn't want you near family - they may know this. Alcoholics and addicts are too busy with their addiction to be present in a relationship. Here is a link: https://health.usnews.com/wellness/articles/2017-02-13/why-newly-sober-alcoholics-and-addicts-shouldnt-date-for-a-year. Not sure what meds he is on, but does it affect his sex drive or orgasms? Some meds mess with a person's orgasm and they get frustrated and don't want sex. Also, consider what the medicine is for? If he will be on it long term, the sex drive thing may be long term unless he wants to learn how to work through it. I hope things work out for you and don't worry about taking a break - you deserve good, so don't be afraid to take a break or even break up if you need to. Addicts aren't there for their partners emotionally, physically or sexually, so don't be afraid to set a boundary. You can't change him, he needs to want to change.
from lust- :
You are not a bad person, you are a good person who has compromised their values and are trying to make up for that. I really do hope you follow through with wanting space with Tim. You both deserve it. I think you will both gain valuable insight by taking time apart. He is clearly suffering, but he needs space to truly see that and view his surroundings from acceptance, it is only then that he will choose to grow. He is not going to grow and change if he does not want to, but that is also not on you to decide for him. I believe in you. I know you will do what is right for yourself. Please prioritize your health and wellbeing. You are a kind and courageous human who always puts her loved ones first. You deserve the same kindness that you put out into the world. I hope you are able to turn inwards. Be gentle with yourself. If you ever need to talk, I am here for you. I will reach out on IG within a week, or so. We're in this together, lovely human!xo
from whystinger :
I am sorry to hear about your Uncle. I hope things work out for the best. As for breaking up with somebody because of their family, I have one that is similar. I have broken up with a friend (not lover) as I was friends with his Dad, who is now Transgender (and Female) and does not want me to be friends with his family. I don't understand it, as her adult (30+ years old) son and I were working on our vehicle together, but I don't want the drama of her bullshit, so I have cut ties with them all. Weird. I don't know if that was what you were asking.
from loveherwell :
i'm so sorry about your uncle.
from loveherwell :
simple plan?!? now i'm jealous
from sparkle-pink :
i never thanked you for your note about my Dad. He is doing well now! Had to move out of his apartment because of a cockroach infestation. He's on the hook for the remainder of the lease tho which sucks. He's looking into fighting it but the outlook is not so good. and I am so sorry to hear about Buttercup. also- what kind of car did you get???
from catsoul :
10.22.19. So very heartbroken for you and Buttercup. It is alright to feel how you are feeling. Just keep looking. Peace. =^..^=
from swordfern :
I hope Buttercup returns. I know the horror and sadness of that experience.
from whystinger :
I both loathe and like cleaning. It is hard for me to get started but when I do, the results are great. If it give you pleasure or helps, there is nothing wrong with it. I say this as I really need to do some cleaning.
from lust- :
You are so strong and are such a good person. I'm sure when Tim gets back to being himself (which I really hope he does once he sees how much you love him and want the best for him), he will appreciate that you stuck through this with him. Although, it is completely understandable if you decide to not stick it out with him and continue on with your life and taking care of what you need to do to ensure you are happy. Sounds really fucking tough, though. Hope you have your own supports you can lean on during this time!
from swordfern :
I just left a note but it doesn't seem to be showing up. Thinking of you. Things sound hard. I'd love to hear more about what's happening for you if you wish to share. :/
from lust- :
Message me on FB/IG if you ever want to talk! Hope things work out for the best. Sending love & light.xo
from whystinger :
You know, I haven't been reading much here lately due to life being super busy for me and I need to go back a bit and catch up. When I first read your latest entry (09/16/2019), I thought "he's panicking a bit about the move forward into the next step of the relationship and deciding. Then I read "I hope he gets help" and I think wow, WTF is going on? Does he have some known mental issues or is it just a dysfunction with relationships? If it is a mental illness, depending on what it is, you may want to really think about moving forward with him. If it is cold feet or he's relationship shy, hard to say. One thing to consider is this: good thing this is happening now, rather than in two years where you have invested another two years of your life into this, which would set your personal plans back. It could be as he says, he may have to take some time to think about it.
from whystinger :
Swordfern has a point about genuinely liking someone as well as loving them. One does have to be careful as I did like my now ex-wife but she asked as the woman that she knew that I wanted then changed after the second month of marriage (long ago). Part of that was due to the long distance romance and I could not see her in day to day situations. Also remember that you are in a unique situation with Tim and Bill. This may have an impact on the relationship and that may be what Tim is feeling. I would assume that you will divorce Bill if you are with Tim full time (or am I wrong?) IT would be good if you are planning splitting with Bill, that you and Tim spend some time after that happens and evaluate if you want to move forward. I think you need to write down your goals (kids in two years) and make sure you are making progress towards those goals. You may have to go back to square one, but stick to your goals and make sure you are making progress or make a course correction, even if it means finding someone new. I wish I would have done this during my courtship of my ex and into my marriage. I stayed seventeen years too long.
from swordfern :
Helping someone shop for a wedding dress while going through your current struggles sounds awful. I'd be aching inside too. It shows your strength that you are able to be happy for her despite everything.
from won-too-tree :
Honestly, knowing me, I doubt I’d ever be the leaver.
from swordfern :
Two things come to mind re: Tim. The first part is, do you like him the way that he is now? Not love. Like. Nobody is perfect, and everyone has their trouble spots, but I always ask myself if I truly like the person the way that they are right now because they may never be any different. And even if they do work to shift themselves, their core being and the way that they approach life will not be very different unless they go through a major transformation. The second part is to ask yourself how you *feel* when you are around him. Do you feel confident? Loved? Empowered? Free? Or are you anxious, walking on eggshells, dependent, etc. Do you like how you feel when you are around him? Lastly, if things were exactly the same in five years, would you be glad that you spent those years with him? These are some of the questions that I ask myself in the course of dating. It's not easy to see things clearly.
from lust- :
I kind of understand where Tim is coming from, because I feel the same way. I think the main issue is that he's feeling this way and not doing anything to change it. I may be off base, but if he was going to a therapist or taking medication, or doing anything else to try to be happy and/or have something to look forward to-hobbies, work, etc. then maybe you wouldn't be taking it so personally. Have you spoken to him about talking to someone, even a friend of his or someone he trusts? It sounds as if he needs something to do, although even doing small things while depressed is so fucking hard. That Charles Manson exhibit sounds rad. What's the podcast you're listening to about the Golden State Killer? I listened to one about him last year and it was fairly gruesome with all the details. I find Casefile is really good!
from thruthecrowd :
me too...sending you hugs <3
from swordfern :
No need to be self-conscious of whining. It's hard to be missing someone. I just was reading an article that the feelings of missing someone are hormonally-induced and stem from evolutionary-based safety mechanism to keep the tribe together and should not be shamed. Plus the uncertainty of the future. And the diarrhea. Life has ups and downs, and how boring a diary would be if it were all rainbows and sunshine. xoxo
from catsoul :
7.31.19. hi. When my doggies get loose poops, I make them rice. It is worth a try. Peace. =^..^=
from swordfern :
Ugh. Dog diarrhea. Plus everything else. 😟
from lust- :
Not much has changed for me, mood-wise. I still randomly burst out crying and I still feel as if everything is pointless and meaningless. I was supposed to be referred to a counsellor and a group for emotion regulation, so I hope that happens soon. Hope you've been well, despite all the emotions that come with missing a significant other.
from lust- :
I have a Doctor that's a 20 minute drive away, but I'm still not comfortable driving M's car (it's a manual) and there aren't any buses that go out that way. The Doctor is supposed to be moving to the town we currently live in though, so I may wait it out. Same thing happened with M re: taking a break from school. He actually took two breaks. The second one was a few months after we had met. I understand how you must be feeling. It's such a difficult, uncertain time. And, then when he does go back to school, he'll probably suffer from a bit of imposter syndrome. I hope you're both able to remain strong and that your relationship prospers throughout everything. From what I've read on here, though, you surely have your shit together. I'm glad you have so many shows coming up-sounds awesome! Take good care of yourself.xo
from loveherwell :
i saw the mountain goats (once) and death cab (twice) this year! such good shows.
from lust- :
Why did Tim take a break from getting his law degree? Hope everything works out.
from swordfern :
Of course, I'd love a new follower. Such a rare gift to meet new writers in this slowly decaying community.
from swordfern :
Things sound hard these days. Sending caring thoughts. (Also delurking I think?... I've been reading you for a while now and can't remember if I have commented before.)
from catsoul :
6.7.19. Howdy. Sounds so exciting...new doors opening for you. Congratulations, you got this girl!!! Peace. =^..^=
from sparkle-pink :
congrats on the new job!!!!!!!
from lust- :
Good luck with the jobs! Fingers crossed for ya.
from tinea :
thank you so much. i'm so worried but i'm going to try to stay strong <3
from whystinger :
Thank you for explaining, that really helps and now it makes better sense.
from whystinger :
Do Bill and Tim know about each other are you in a poly relationship?)? Still, that could be confusing for you, them and others. At one time in my marriage when having a lot of difficulties and my needs were not being met, I thought about discussing an open relationship with my wife (now e).
from loveherwell :
i am hoping all goes well with the wisdom teeth and that you're feeling better soon!
from thruthecrowd :
Thinking of you and hoping you feel better soon...<3
from dangerspouse :
hey Babe! Thanks for the note...although fuck you: THIRD PLACE IS FOR LOSERS! I WILL BEAT THEM ALL, I SAY!! Lol. But I'm glad you like the girly-girl flower pics, thanks :) Hey, I haven't been leaving many notes here, even though I've been reading all your posts. It's just that everything seems so sad with you these days, and I almost feel like I'm intruding on your pain if I interject with some stupid random comment here. But I do hope things get better for you soon - especially with the tooth. That's gotta suck major moose cock. Tooth pain is hideous, I really feel for you. Good luck with it, really.
from dangerspouse :
That Tim seems like a nice guy. Send him over here when you're done, willya? Thanks. I do hope you're feeling better. It's nice to have someone sweetly take care of you when you're sick...but it's better to be well. (Hey, thanks for the recent note and well wishes for the lottery win! I'll remember you when I cash that PowerBall check!!) :)
from lust- :
I'm being hard on myself, because to me, it seems like this has happened an unusual high amount for the amount of time that I've been working there. In my head, I feel as if I should know better. I know it's not really my fault, but I need to be more assertive in the role. My high anxiety while I am there permits me from doing that though. On another note, sorry to hear about your dad. I hope you get more clarity on the situation as time passes and are able to spend quality time together.
from thruthecrowd :
omg...I'm convinced it's the steroids. :-(
from lust- :
Yep, so many ups and downs. I may need to take you up on that offer for a chat soon. Hope you're back in tip-top shape soon!
from thruthecrowd :
oh no, not you too! :( <3
from jimbostaxi :
Hope you feel better soon! sucks not being able to take off when you need it.
from sparkle-pink :
that's so cool you took a ballet class!
from sparkle-pink :
Thanks!!! Like you said, I've been writing about buying a piano for a while. An excellent purchase. And I loved spider-verse! In my top 3 of all marvel movies (#1- Guardians of the galaxy vol 2, #2- The avengers (2012))
from whystinger :
I am glad to hear that things are going well (last entry) and it is something big that Bill's therapist wants him there 2X per week - he is probably either making good progress or on the verge of making major progress. It must be tough for you being sort of caught between Bill and Tim. My suggestion would be if you do divorce Bill, take some time off for you, to get your head together, then go back and evaluate your relationship with Tim. Give yourself time to heal or you may have similar problems.
from jimbostaxi :
Nice to meet you too! I’ve learned over the years here how much a good positive note can be so uplifting :) right now all I have is I want a thin mint Girl Scout cookie bad! Take care
from jimbostaxi :
Hi, I’ve been a reader for awhile wanted to know if it’s ok to leave a notes occasionally ? Have a great day :)
from dangerspouse :
He doesn't like Dax? DUMP HIS ASS!! Lol....
from whystinger :
Definitely talk to your therapist and tell them what you need/expect and if they can't step up to it, do find a new one. I am thinking of switching therapists too, as we have worked together for a long time and maybe I need a different perspective. She is sharp and knows me very well, so I stay for now. I sometimes get confused about Tim and Bill. I am surprised that you are still with Bill. Does he know about Tim? I ask because that was similar to one of my possible solutions with my Ex, but I didn't pursue.
from dangerspouse :
Hey babe, great to see your name pop up in my notes again! I've still been keeping up with your entries, but most have been so sad lately that I've felt awkward commenting on any. Anyway...I do approve of Friendsday chicken and duck! How did you know?? I'm sure it came out great - I'm proud of you regardless. Gonna get a sous vide, huh? I got one a few months ago and it's nice and all, but after the initial Honeymoon "ooo, let's try this!" Phase, it kinda just sits on the shelf now. It's good for certain things, like if you know the EXACT temperature you like your steak, or if you want to start that leg of lamb when you go to work and know it will be at the right temperature when you get home. It really is pretty cool that way. But honestly? Nothing I've made in it has come out any better than what I've made using traditional methods. Of course that may be because I'm god, but....
from dangerspouse :
You threw up ice cream? That's terrible! Are you lactose intolerant, or was it too much junk food at once do you think?
from sparkle-pink :
ty! I had a good day.
from poetinthesky :
I can relate in some ways. Hope things get better.
from whystinger :
Happy new year to you! Sounds like you have a lot going on now. Sounds like Mom is shocked, so it will take a while for her to chill out. Wishing you the best.
from sparkle-pink :
ty! happy new year to you too!
from dangerspouse :
Merry Christmas, babe! I hope the missed period doesn't mean Santa is bring you a little bundle of joy.... :)
from loveherwell :
brief texting and not much beyond that. could be that it's a busy time of year, could be that he's a dick, could be that he's just not interested haha. all are acceptable, i suppose. but it's okay. sometimes it's just all too much.
from loveherwell :
just wanted to send some love your way. i know the way you're feeling is confusing and causes a lot of conflicting emotions, but you'll get through it.
from lust- :
Hope your dad will be alright.xo
from portlypete :
Thanks for replying. I love your Margaret Atwood quote. It is so true.
from portlypete :
Hey, I randomly came across your latest post. I know nothing of your history, but it seems to me that you already 'figured out' your latest dilemma - they ARE all friends. Good luck.
from dangerspouse :
Whew. You have had a TON of shit going on since last I posted. I'm exhausted from reading through your various adventures. Tim! Sex! AJ's wedding (sounded pretty awful, btw - wtf was up with the parents??)! More sex! Bill! More Tim! School! No wonder you're always exhausted.... :)
from sparkle-pink :
Thank you for your message! I had a great time at the movies, it was refreshing to do something fun!
from whystinger :
Received email and mailed you the keys.
from lust- :
Opening was fine. It was a slow Sunday. No complaints from me. Thanks for asking! M will hear back about interviews for residency some time in January and then begin doing interviews that month. He wants to be a family physician, so it's three years for residency, then he wants to open his own practice. If he doesn't get matched this year (there are only a certain number of spots), then he'll find a research job and apply again next year. Then, if next year doesn't happen, he'll have to go another route. He isn't feeling particularly optimistic about being matched because he already took a couple breaks and had to make adjustments to go back to school again. It's been a tough go. It's all a waiting game. He seems to have good luck, though. We'll see. It's super fucking stressful.
from whystinger :
Send me an email to whystinger"at"yahoo.com and I will send you the password.
from lust- :
Things will work out the way they're meant to. It sounds as if you and Tim are very communicative with each other and I'm sure he knows how you feel about him. The distance will be tough, but you'll still learn a lot from each other. It's so hard to not think about the future. Try to enjoy the moments you still have together while they last. You & Bill have history, which as you said, is the safe choice, but are you happy? You need to be really selfish and think about what the best decision is for you. You'll pull through no matter what, lady! Take some time to reflect, take deep breaths, spend some time alone and the answer will come to you. You got this! Sending love & positive vibes.xo
from won-too-tree :
I've been feeling the exact same way lately... but never forget you are still amazing and you'll get through this.
from lust- :
How do you want things to turn out? I get really sad and scared when I think about all the what if's as well. Everyone's sage advice always leads to 'live in the moment!' and 'stop thinking so much!' As if it's so dang easy. It's tough. It sucks. And, things are going to feel shitty for a while, but that's life, right? I know all these moments are going to make you stronger, and probably better equipped to face different outcomes, plus give better advice than living in the moment!
from loveherwell :
the swaying back and forth on your decision will last for a while. but you, and only you, know what's best for yourself and your heart.
from sparkle-pink :
sorry for your tough times :(
from won-too-tree :
I am sorry to hear you're going through this tough time! Thinking of you..
from lust- :
I'm glad that you were both honest with each other. You're strong and will get through this with support from loved ones. Time makes it fine. Sending love, good vibes & a virtual hug.xo
from loveherwell :
<3 this will be a very difficult time no matter what - even if you were 110% sure that it is the right decision. just take it one day at a time.
from lust- :
Playing the caretaker role in the relationship definitely changes the dynamic. I read some of your entries from a couple years ago. You & Bill went to couple's counselling, yes? How was that? I hope Tim is at least taking care of you now and giving you what you deserve. Although, I'm sure it's still a struggle with Bill since you have history. Relationships are tough.
from whystinger :
Sure, send me a note at whystinger"at"yahoo.com
from whystinger :
I would say Yay to you and Tim! Glad some good things are happening!
from sparkle-pink :
sent you an e-mail with the curry recipe! and I love peanut butter!
from lust- :
The resident has memory issues, so I doubt he even remembers the sticker, but I think he did enjoy it briefly. I hope you figure things out with Tim. That feeling of being unsure about the future is so tough. I hope you can both get through it together so it will strengthen your relationship.
from sparkle-pink :
Haha I knew what you meant with the cpap typo! I did laugh though, it's perfect.
from whystinger :
read more, your 10/07 entry. You are in love with him, but waiting for him to break up with you. I went through that with a woman. I tried all I could to not fall in love with her, but I sure did. Life. WTF.
from whystinger :
Ovulation + body wants pregnancy = horny!
from loveherwell :
hahaha, do not apologize for writing such lovely and kind things to me! i really, truly appreciate it. dating in a small, rural place really is hard. i am ready to be out of here but still have seven more months before anything can happen. so it'll have to do. and i think you're right that when you feel good about yourself (and when you care more about the things you're interested in), it's easier to find someone - that's something i'm always continually working on. today's an off day, but there will be better ones in the future. thank you again for those notes. i'm glad to see you and tim doing well :) i hope hozier was fantastic!
from lust- :
I am so incredibly happy for you! Was wonderful to read about your love for each other. Looking forward to reading about NY and the new job!
from thruthecrowd :
message me your pass <3
from lust- :
Oh, hi. May I have the key, please?
from lostasyou :
It won't work for me for some reason x
from loveherwell :
locked?
from sparkle-pink :
hi! is it okay if I get a password? my e-mail is [email protected] if you don't want to leave it as a note
from lostasyou :
password?
from lust- :
Congrats on the job! So excited for you & looking forward to reading about training & your time exploring NYC. Lots of fab changes coming up for you. You deserve good things!
from loveherwell :
i’m really happy i could help in any capacity!! i hope that this spurs you both toward happiness (whatever that means for you!).
from sparkle-pink :
CONGRATS on the job!!! I hope you have a good time in New York! I was there many years ago for an audition and enjoyed the city. I want to go back without the pressure of a super competitive auditon taking up my mind.
from whystinger :
I'm a mess too. BTW, I have been thinking to trying Tinder - is it worth a try?
from loveherwell :
yeah i'm fine with that! shoot me your email
from loveherwell :
thank you so much! it was an odd occurrence. the first day went really well :) i'm also so happy to read such lovely things about you + tim.
from fatcowww :
mcgee + cfc12297 :)
from loveherwell :
this guy sounds so lovely. enjoy it!!
from whystinger :
It was that kiss.
from whystinger :
Amazing kisses = good chemistry. That and more. Awesome!
from loveherwell :
glad you had a good time :)
from loveherwell :
his name is andrew smales! he's from toronto! and isn't the song amazing?!
from lust- :
I don't think I wrote about M moving in. His lease is up at the end of August and from Sept-Jan, he'll be doing different electives all across the province so he's basically using my place as storage while he's away. I think he'll only be around for two weeks out of the four months. I have time to get used to having his stuff here, but not him physically being here. I'm still getting used to the thought of it. I've lived alone for almost four years and I love it, so it's going to be a big change for me. I really enjoy GLOW! I like how they got more into different character story lines for the second season. It was always fun to watch and the feminist angle is really great. What are your thoughts on the show?
from loveherwell :
LOL i don't know if that's a good thing or a bad thing hahahaha. but yes omg i'm so excited for TBS! my heart's gonna explode.
from loveherwell :
yassssssss that's the fun part :) :) :)
from lust- :
Thank you for the kind words. I really appreciate it.xo
from comebacktome :
Ok, so maybe it's just my shit memory but I really do not remember this person, so please remind me- who is John again??
from sparkle-pink :
happy birthday!!!!!!!!!
from lust- :
Happy Belated Birthday! Sounds as if you had an alright day, all things considered. Here's to a great year ahead!
from sparkle-pink :
thanks for the tips!
from sparkle-pink :
just wondering- do you count calories on keto?
from sparkle-pink :
good to know about the keto flu. I have yet to make those fat bombs you gave me the recipe for. Too lazy and too nauseated. I will tho! Also my bro made biscuits with the carbquick and he made some changes. More butter mainly. Again, too lazy and too nauseated. I'll let you know when I try to make them!
from sparkle-pink :
Awesome! I would love that recipe. I'm looking into this diet and am a little overwhelmed. Lots of the fat bomb recipes look great! I would appreciate a recommendation!
from sparkle-pink :
Yay! Have you tried any good keto energy bars? I'm looking for a good post-workout snack. I have been eating these protein plus bars after working out for the last million years, but they are a bit high in carbs.
from lust- :
I often get to that point, too, re: friendship. I think people don't even realize how much of an effect their words have on others. It's easier to say that you're going to, or want to hang out with someone than it is to actually hang out with that person! I think the two of us are similar in that we're good with the follow through. Hard to come by these days. Hope your friends realize how great it is to hang out with you and come around!
from sparkle-pink :
excellent haiku!! :D
from lostasyou :
Never fear, I'm always around somewhere.
from lust- :
Thank you!
from sparkle-pink :
I am so sorry to hear about your cousin.
from sparkle-pink :
Ghost World is amazing! One of my all time favourite films. Glad you like it too! Have you read the graphic novel? I have not, but am very interested in doing so.
from dangerspouse :
Thanks for the welcome back! And yes - those were indeed the books narrated by that peach. Does he do a great job with all those voices, or what? Wow. Speaking of "Wow!"....vaginas! Soon :)
from lust- :
Apologies for the delayed reply to your notes. I understand there's a huge stigma surrounding mental illness, but it hurts when our partners feel they can't come to us with certain things. And, we're the ones that always need to be super understanding and supportive when they withdraw, or leave out certain aspects of their illness or medications, because technically we're the healthy ones so that's just what we should do! Clearly, I am right there with you on how frustrating it can be. Siiigh. It helps to vent once in a while though. I was a manager once upon a time and was always stoked when employees moved on to better things. It definitely depends on the person though. Some people find joy in other happiness and others are too grumpy and selfish to be able to do that. Glad you got some rest. Hope you were able to make it to the march and your class!
from buffylass :
Argh I've only JUST found your note as I don't get notifications any more. But thankyou! x
from lust- :
Your March 9th entry struck a chord. M has bipolar disorder and I know that it affects everything he does, but sometimes, it's really tough to deal with and I feel like a huge jackass because I can't be as supportive as I feel I should be. And, there is no one around to talk to about it because I no one truly understands. Anyway, I totally get it. We can be assholes together. I think that counts for something.
from lust- :
I'm so into all sorts of alternative lifestyles in terms of living spaces. The cost of real estate is insane. I think the way of the future is in tiny houses and van dwelling. Thank you for the well wishes! Sending much love your way!
from whystinger :
I've thought about taking ASL when I lost my voice recently. It is getting better but I am still more interested in ASL
from lust- :
Wow! I have faith that you will reach all the goals you have set for yourself. You got this!
from sparkle-pink :
Thanks! <3
from dangerspouse :
Hi Aryssa - thank you for the nice note you left at my place about Poolie. Very sweet of you, as always :) Shame she didn't appreciate her lemons, though..... ;)
from dangerspouse :
THANKS ARYSSA!! Have a thigh :)
from lust- :
You really just have to do what you feel is right for you and your relationship. Maybe you won't ever know how you'll feel if Bill dated other people, but maybe that's OK. Thanks for the well wishes for my date. I hope it goes well, too. I am really nervous!
from dangerspouse :
They are Atkins approved, aren't they! I'll remind my wife of that next time she balks at scarfing one down :) Hey, thanks for the mention in your post! And for godsake....POST PICS OF YOUR KITTIES!!
from sparkle-pink :
thank you!!!! and your haiku is beautiful <3
from lust- :
Oh, non-monogamy! I have a lot of feelings toward it. Hah. M and I have been open since we met, over a year ago. It's been a work in progress. At first I was all about it because I wasn't sure if I could fully give myself and be open with one person. But, everything kind of changed in the past few months and I am struggling with whether or not I even want to date other people. M dates here and there and I have had to overcome a lot of jealousy issues. Even though I'm not sure if non-monogamy is best for me, I know monogamy isn't, either. I am very happy with my relationship, but I think my feelings regarding being open are changing slightly. The conversation is always on the table if I ever want to talk about it though. I'm just finding it very difficult to figure my shit out at the moment. I'm looking forward to reading more about your adventures with non-monogamy!
from dangerspouse :
Haha! You and comebacktome BOTH rock my world! :)
from loveherwell :
it always makes me so happy to see that you've left a note. i'm attempting to monitor myself more and check in more and actually try to figure out the heart of the matter more... who's to say how well it's going, but it's something. :) i hope your mood has turned around. i'm sorry that you're not getting as much as you should be in your settlement, but at least it'll be over and done with.
from lust- :
I enjoy a bit of sassy banter from paramours, as well. Keeps things spicy! Maybe Mark has that hidden somewhere and it'll come out eventually.
from dangerspouse :
I guess "fairly decent" is ok, considering chicken picatta really should be made in a pan, as you say. Bravo! This is home cooking, not restaurant fare. You do what you gotta do. Lol. You want a pressure cooker so you can save your sorry ass when you forget to defrost things? That's so...you ;) Ok, yeah, a pressure cooker is a great tool and will help bail you out in those instances. But do make sure you check how much extra time you need if the item is frozen, along with any change in the amount of liquid (since it'll be steaming away longer), etc. There are plenty of site that can give you good numbers. And since you asked, the only other widely available device that will prepare frozen foods in a hurry is, of course, the microwave. But who want to cook a roast in that? Yuk. So I guess the pressure cooker is it (until you learn to be responsible, you slacker). Btw - your tits look FABULOUS in that dress. That is all. :)
from dangerspouse :
Woo hoo, let's hear it for the cook! Yes! That's a GREAT resolution, if you ask me (and you didn't, but so what). Hey listen, I know there are tons of cooking sites and cooking videos and cooking gurus out there. But if you ever think there's a question I can help you with, feel free to ask. You can even write me direct (notepad101 at hotmail). And good for you making the chicken picatta that way - how'd it come out? Finally, I have to ask: what gave you the idea that a pressure cooker is a vitally important missing piece of your kitchen? What is it you can make in there that you can't make in, say, a dutch oven? Do you just need to make stock in 30 minutes that often? Beans in 10? Pot roast? I'm really curious, as I only use mine on a fairly irregular basis. Good luck keeping those resolutions, kiddo. And feel better soon, willya? Sheesh, you're really dragging this out. ;)
from dangerspouse :
Yes, this really is it. Unless you decide to change it.
from dangerspouse :
Noooooo! Shit, I really thought this was gonna be a long term prospect. MEN!
from dangerspouse :
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!! Way to go, babe. And don't worry: B with an i doesn't sound like he's gonna ghost you. Stay happy :)
from sparkle-pink :
merry christmas and happy new year! hope you get better soon. <3
from dangerspouse :
9 years. Wow. Seems like just yesterday we started, doesn't it sometimes? Well, here's to 9 years more, at least. I've enjoyed reading your entries all this time, so thank you for that. And I sure hope you feel better soon. Whatever you have, it's a real bitch!
from moonbeams :
You don't have to believe me but this works for me to get rid of a sinus infection: drink lots of warm water with fresh lemon juice squeezed in (lots of lemon juice)...do this all day long and avoid sugar and meats...just eat your leafy greens (a smoothie made with celery and carrots and pear/apple and kale, for example) ...and you will soon get rid of the sinus infection. It will help with the bronchitis too.
from dangerspouse :
Awww, thanks so much for dragging yourself out of your sick bed and leaving me such a sweet note. I'm sorry you're so ill! Damn, that sounds awful. If you think a tractor sweatshirt would help, I think I know where one is that I can mail out.... ;) Merry Christmas right back atcha, babe!
from dangerspouse :
Woo hoo for sex! Boo hoo for being sick :( I hope you're over it soon so you can get back to the former :) MERRY CHRISTMAS, ARYSSA!
from dangerspouse :
Wow, talk about life changes! Looks like all this may be the start of a new chapter in your life. No more stuck in the same old rut, something that I know used to weigh on you a lot. Yeah, an hour and a half commute is not a cakewalk (I do an hour each way myself), but if it's a good job and you hope to move down that way anyway, it's gonna be soooo worth it. Good luck, we're all pulling for you!
from sparkle-pink :
Thanks!!! I actually really like walking. I like walking with somebody, but not really because I am out of shape and huffing and puffing and trying to make convo at the same time sucks. I much rather walk by myself, go my own pace, and listen to sweet tunes. I also daydream a lot while walking. Things like vacations, rewards, shopping, lottery winnings, etc. Time goes by fast!
from loveherwell :
i love that you updated just to go over good things - i often forget to do that so it looks like i'm miserable all the time (haha).
from dangerspouse :
COSMO AND WANDA!!! (Er...can I be Wandisimo?) Glad to see a happy entry from you for once. I really hope 2018 continues that trend. You deserve it.
from loveherwell :
i love that!! ah, it's such a nice show to kind of zone out of everything that's bothering you and just focus on. i'm sending you good vibes across the country.
from loveherwell :
i love broad city :) just haven't seen the newest season!
from comebacktome :
Definitely a random over weirdo Lee, 100%!! Also, you can always talk to me about nervousness, and I will repeat your words of wisdom from when I had my 10 year hiatus back to you ;) xo
from sparkle-pink :
Ty! It's not too short, about an inch below my shoulders. I have had long hair around mid-back for years now. I think the shorter look is fresh, plus I can already tell it's going to be so much easier to manage! And I'm just doing my own thing for a diet. I try to get a major exercise in every day, be it walking or swimming. And then I count calories. Just this past week I started restricting food, mostly stuff with tons of sugar in it, like fancy starbucks drinks or pastries. I was staying within my calorie limit eating that stuff but all that sugar was turning to fat! Haven't gained which is actually amazing, and I am very glad for that!
from lust- :
Thank you!
from sparkle-pink :
yikes, i really hope Bill's health improves. stomach viruses are no joke. Thinking of you guys!
from comebacktome :
I am very grateful you are alive also!! We can't have only just met to have you taken away! luubbzz
from sparkle-pink :
i am so glad that you are mostly okay after the accident. I hope you recover quickly and with minimal pain!
from tinea :
girl, i know. thank you so much for your note. everyone keeps asking me what i'll do if he calls me in a week or whatever and i know in my heart i just can't. i can't do this again. they say, "when someone shows you who they really are, believe them." so i will. i'm not perfect but i deserve so much better than this.
from dangerspouse :
Don't let Bill talk you into leaving The Great Catsby behind. You'll regret it forever. Do whatever it take to find a way to transport him, and stick to your guns. I don't usually give sincere advice, but this is sincere advice. If you start resenting Bill in a few months/years because you miss your cat terribly, even counseling might not be enough. I hope everything else goes smoothly with the move, and your marriage as well. You deserve a break finally.
from loveherwell :
i've been missing your entries since you've been MIA for a while! thank you for your note - it's been a stressful month. but i love reading your stuff; i also find you to be a kindred spirit. i'm wishing you well.
from whystinger :
Just dropped by, thought I would say hello. Will be back to read more...
from dangerspouse :
Atkins too, are you? Woo hoo, good for you! I bet you make some great meals on that plan - the spaghetti squash you mentioned here, and the cauliflower you posted in my notes, sound terrific. And both are bear free! Most excellent :)
from papotheclown :
Thanks, friend. I am glad you exist too.
from dangerspouse :
Welcome back! Cool that you got to meet those two. Looking forward to the indepth report :)
from dangerspouse :
Thanks kiddo. You're a pal :)
from dangerspouse :
Held together with a zip tie?! Send me your address - I'll mail out NewWifey(tm) first thing Monday morning to either fix that thing, or terrorize your home owner into doing it!
from dangerspouse :
Awww. We appreciate you too. Especially the smut :)
from loveherwell :
there is always *something* that has to be better before something else can be done...sigh. it's nice to know you get it.
from dangerspouse :
WE'RE STILL ARGUING ABOUT IT!! Of course :) Lol...we're gonna see if we can agree on which makes a better sandwich with the leftovers today. Stay tuned! (And I'm glad to see you're sticking with the cello lessons...and going to couple's therapy. I hope both turn out well.) :)
from dangerspouse :
Yes! Send them to me! SWAG!!! Lol...hey listen, don't get discouraged. You're enjoying the various things you're doing, right? THAT'S what's important about any hobby - not the result. Think about that. And...I love love love "The Great Catsby" :)
from dangerspouse :
"I feel like my hobby should be eating delicious food you make". That's it! That's what I'm talking about. You've got an interest in it, AND you'd be great at it right out of the box! Lol...hey liste, cello and archery are both tres cool. Amazing, actually. I love both, although I've only ever tried archery (and that was tons of years ago). You go, girl! I hope getting back into cello scratches that itch somewhat. But if it doesn't...listen, "I don't want to take up something new because I won't be excellent at it right from the start" is about the stupidest cop-out there is. No! I won't apologize! It's true. C'mon, NOBODY is great at their hobby when they first take it up. Well, except me and cooking. But I'm god, so that doesn't count. But yeah, knock it off. If you want to try something...try! We all expect you to fail the first time, but that's ok because we did too. It's part of the learning process, which itself is actually quite gratifying in and of itself. Do I really have to explain this? (And btw, that was a very sweet entry about you still loving Bill. I hope you still find fulfillment in your relationship for a long time to come. All the best, babe.)
from dangerspouse :
The reason why it's taken me so long to respond is that I felt your question deserved deep contemplation and a nuanced response, not some glib, off-the-top of my head "just do what you love" bullshit answer. Well, that and I'm also just so lazy that I couldn't be bothered to check my notes for a couple of days. And did I mention all the hookers? That takes up TONS of time (if you do it right). So...sorry. Ok, so, after consulting various oracles and thinking hard on this for, like, 4 solid minutes (or however long that "adorable kitten plays with ball of string" video was), this Favorite Adult of yours offers you the following answer: "How the fuck would I know?" Ok, ok, while that's true, it's not very helpful, is it. Sorry. Umm...ummmmmmm... hmmm. Let's see. Er... yeah, sorry. I'm striking out here. How can I give you advice about hobbies when I don't know what you enjoy (other than that), what you're good at (other than that), what kind of physical abilities you have (other than...screw it), etc. Is there anything out there you've always thought was cool, but for various reasons you never thought to try it yourself, like rock climbing or scrap booking or something? Have you looked to see if there are any kinds of clubs in your area - any kind at all - that meet when you're free? It doesn't even have to be something you ever thought you'd be interested in, sometimes just immersing yourself in something new is all that it takes to spark enjoyment. A photography club, a birdwatching club, the Lady Elks, that kinda stuff. Things you never would have thought of. Waddaya think? Have I now become the Least Favorite Adult in your life, or does that sound kind of reasonable?
from loveherwell :
post...autocorrect sigh
from loveherwell :
thank you <3 i don't lose enough but it makes me so happy to see when you're doing well
from dangerspouse :
I'm doing great, thanks! And you're gonna be doing great if you make these chocolate chip cookies. It was printed in "Cooks Illustrated" originally, and why it works so great is that it uses a higher ratio of brown to white sugar than the usual Toll House cookies, and it adds an extra egg yolk for added soft chewiness. Sounds like what you're asking for. You can Google it if you want, but here ya go anyway: 2 cups + 2 tbsp all-purpose flour, 1/2 tsp baking soda, 1/2 tsp salt, 12 tbsp butter, melted and cooled, 1 cup packed brown sugar, 1/2 cup granulated sugar, 1 egg + egg yolk, 2 tsp vanilla extract, 1 1/2 cups semi-sweet chocolate chips, Preheat oven to 325ºF. 1. In a medium bowl, whisk together the flour, baking soda, and salt. Set aside. 2. Melt the butter in the microwave or over the stove top and let it cool. 3. Use an electric mixer fitted with a paddle attachment to beat together the sugars and melted butter. Mix on medium speed for 2 minutes. 4. Reduce the speed to low and add the egg + yolk and vanilla extract. Mix until combined. 5. Gradually incorporate the flour mixture in three additions. Mix just until the dough forms. 6. Fold in the chocolate chips. 7. Scoop out two tablespoons and roll into a ball. Place on ungreased baking sheet. Repeat to have 7 balls of cookie dough. 8. Bake for 15 minutes, then let cool completely on the baking sheet. EAT!!
from dangerspouse :
Hooray! Working sewer pipes are more important than food. I'm glad you're flush with happiness again. Now get rid of that cough! :)
from dangerspouse :
Oh my GOD! You poor thing! Shitty, indeed! Damn, I really feel bad for you. Flu, broken sewer line, borrowing from grandma...damn! Jesus, I hope things turn around for you, and quick.
from lonelyhaven :
I started my diary in 2004 and until tonight it's been about 5 years since I last logged in. You were listed as a user online right now. I read your most recent entry and your every word could very well be my own. To get straight to the point, thank you for putting your heart out there to be read. You've mattered to me on this night.
from whystinger :
I don't mind at all. Is aryssa90"at"diaryland.com a good address for you? If so, I will send a password. I had wondered if you had the password. If a different email, hit me at whystinger "at" Yahoo
from whystinger :
The 02/10/2017 entry is spot on. Beautiful.
from whystinger :
I hope you feel better soon. I hate sinus infections... and strep.
from friskyseal :
There are also the lost entry ideas I never got to, but I think they will just float around in my head forever. I'm nowhere else, I put it all here. But dude, I need friends! Chat with me sometime--you can tell me wtf is in Illinois. Google is best, email me?
from friskyseal :
Look on the bright side, at least you won't have to wait around ten years for the ending. =D Maybe we can think of some sort of epilogue. I'm not sure if you saw but I'm very close to Santa Clarita. The new one's name is Ott. My mother named him that actually. I guess "otter5" didn't really stick. I couldn't take him with me the last time I went to Germany, because he is too uhh... well-fed. I didn't want to squish him into a bag. =( When my mom would email me, she would always conclude with, "Ott says hi!"
from friskyseal :
Oh, it was a joke. I meant that I concluded my diary. Hence out of a diary-related job. Yes, I had two bars removed and one inserted. Otters say thank you. I have a new one actually. He's very special...
from friskyseal :
Thank you, Aryssa! Since I'm out of a diary-related job now, I'm available for consultations! =D
from dangerspouse :
I know you weren't ignoring me. How could you?? Lol. Hey, thanks for the birthday wishes. She's still down with the bug, but hopefully (she says) she'll be well enough for at least a little sumpin' sumpin' this weekend. We'll see. Speaking of sumpin' sumpin'...do what guys have done to virgins since time immemorial. Get him drunk. Not enough to pass out so he doesn't remember how good it was. Just enough to make him pliable. Trust me. It's how I got that sheep back in college.
from dangerspouse :
Aw, good luck with the second meeting, Aryssa. With the weight loss journey, too. We're all pulling for you here :)
from dangerspouse :
I'm very sorry to hear that. Very sorry.
from thruthecrowd :
Omg... :-(
from thruthecrowd :
emailed you...
from dangerspouse :
The fact that you wanted to go to a march is enough. It's what happens , after everyone goes home and the signs are put away, that's important. I admire you and everyone else who stood up for this cause, whether it was at a march or just in their heart. And yes...life is often this confusing for everyone. I hope you find relief soon.
from dangerspouse :
Sheesh. I just saw your "rejected by Bill" entry. How awful for you. I'm sorry :(
from dangerspouse :
HAHA! Trust me, you'd rather have me mail you out a loaf of bread than send you a recipe. My last recipe, which my dad asked for after tasting something I made, began like this: "Open a bottle of white wine and pour it in, but stop after about a half a cup when you notice the wine is brown and has spoiled. Spend the next half hour adjusting spices to try to compensate for the horrible taste." So....yeah, I'll just make the bread and FedEx it out. You're welcome :)
from dangerspouse :
I hope you get the job!! Way more money is always better :)
from thruthecrowd :
<3
from sparkle-pink :
I've been doing well, thanks for asking! I've been doing yoga too, along with swimming. So far I've lost 9 pounds, so I'm happy about that. I'm also really looking forward to Christmas, I'm flying to Edmonton (from Vancouver) where all of my family is. It's the one time of year I get to see my littlest sister and her boyfriend and I enjoy our time together a lot. Do you have any holiday plans yet?
from sparkle-pink :
good job with the yoga! keep it up <3
from dangerspouse :
Yeah, Stephie was indeed one of a kind. It's amazing how many people here in D-Land knew and admired her, us included. Of all the stupid, idiotic things that went down in 2016, her passing is up there with the worst of 'em. And btw, I'm not on Facebook. We were emailing for a while, before she got too sick to continue. She was even more hilarious, profane, and perverted there than in her public posts. You would have loved it :)
from dangerspouse :
Oooo, nice little SUV there, Chickie! Congrats, I hope it serves you well. I understand those Buicks are very nicely appointed for the price. Well done! (GET RID OF MY PORN?! My god. How could you even type such a thing? Don't worry, I work in radio. If I feel the need to jerk it but my elbow's hurting, I'm covered. That's what we have interns for.) ;)
from dangerspouse :
Typical girl. WHAT KIND OF CAR DID YOU GET?? Jesus. Ah well, despite that I hope you get over your flu or MRSA or whatever has attacked your poor body. Wish I could give you some advice on how to cure lonliness....
from dangerspouse :
Hey kid. Just got back after a bit of a hiatus. Sorry to see things are so soul-sapping for you. I can't fix cars or clean houses (really, trust me), but if you need a meal mailed out to you, I'm your guy. Or porn. Just holla back, girl.
from thruthecrowd :
<3 thinking of you, sending strength and hugs.
from thruthecrowd :
I'm here if you need me...i'm so sorry and hope he pulls through. <3
from sparkle-pink :
Really sorry to hear about Bill. Hoping he pulls through and recovers. My thoughts are with you guys.
from papotheclown :
Thank you. That means a lot.
from thruthecrowd :
I really miss Malibu and the ocean and my hermit crab friends. <3
from thruthecrowd :
Thank you...I hope things get better for you soon <3
from dangerspouse :
Wow. I hope the trip to Ireland goes well, and you get to wallow in a sea of dick when you get back!
from raven72d :
very good entries.
from sparkle-pink :
Hey there! My username is sparklepink password envelope. I am sorry I can offer no advice on how to cope with a death of a close relative. My Poppa was on his deathbed a few weeks ago and I was a mess (he is recovering now, which I am glad for). Stay strong and I really truly am thinking about you and your family a lot.
from dangerspouse :
Words rarely ease pain at times like this, but like the others I am so very, very sorry for your loss. How absolutely awful for your family. My thoughts are with you.
from papotheclown :
So terribly sorry for your loss. You'll be in my thoughts.
from sparkle-pink :
I am so, so, so very sorry to hear about your Grandpa. You and your family will be in my thoughts.
from dangerspouse :
No offense, but I think Bill really has to wake up about the CPAP business. Dying early from sleep apnea is a very real possibility. I'm sure he knows that. Why he would choose that risk over a bit of discomfort is beyond me (not to mention the horrible snoring/choking that must wake you up constantly). How about getting a prescription for Ambien or something? Something that will help him fall asleep no matter how uncomfortable the mask feels?
from comebacktome :
*cough* Australia for the win *cough*
from dangerspouse :
I am very sorry to hear about your Poppi. Very.
from thruthecrowd :
ha, i never feel hungry, ever, and i can totally forget to eat, but for the last week or two i've been feeling like i'm starving as fuck, all day, and i'm pissed about it. heh, weird and funny. :-
from thruthecrowd :
Aww, thank you for telling me that. That's sweet! <3 And aren't they neat to look at! I've been admiring the baby ones we have in my bf's yard, all different colors. ;-)
from thruthecrowd :
Thank you <3!!
from dangerspouse :
I'm sorry it's not gonna last much longer for you guys. Sounds like you were really taken (so to speak).
from comebacktome :
I hear you sister!! Ridiculously difficult!! Come on men of the world, get your shit together!
from dangerspouse :
I'm so good I can even make a Fleshlight squirt ;)
from dangerspouse :
Yeah, I was lookin' at the fleshlight. But they're just not big enough. And they taste awful. :)
from papotheclown :
Opposites attract. I think it would be kind of hot to be with my polar opposite. I bet you can convert him!
from thruthecrowd :
I'm like okay...till I got to the Trump part... :-/
from comebacktome :
Ahahaha! She speaks the truth! That and we live on different continents *sad face*
from lostasyou :
Jeeeeeeeeez, I haven't read in a while and what's going on?! Your life is mad haha
from dangerspouse :
Oh yeah: the speaker is freakin' AWESOME! It's so loud I don't even hear when the phone rings while I'm plowing the wife :)
from dangerspouse :
*riiiiiiiing* "Oh hi, baby." "Hi honey. I just called to see what you were doing." "No one." "What?" "I mean, nothing." "Don't forget we promised to catch Star Wars with the Pinkney's tonight. Are you coming?" "Am I coming? No....no.... no.... YES!" "Ok good. See you at nine." *click*
from comebacktome :
OH HELL NO. Dude! Uncool!
from papotheclown :
I have taken part in two threesomes in my life. Both times it was with a lady and another dude. Someday maybe I'll get the more fun kind with two ladies. Thanks for the support. I think you should come down to Ole Colorado. It's a super fun place to hang out.
from dangerspouse :
Hey hey! You GO, Oreo Filling Girl! Was it Ken and Lee? Details! Details, dammit! Lol. Hey listen, thanks for the great note at my place. Glad - I think - to hear that your grandparents are still hanging in there for the moment. Wow, 46 years. That's longer than some countries last. Hey, make sure you update when you find out if you got the position at work. I'm pulling for ya here. I'm doing great, thanks! Still have a job, wife's still putting out, Christmas rocked, some of my hair is still on my head, etc. And I bought new socks! Woot! (I'm guessing Lee's big mixing machine is a Hobart floor standing mixer. They originally owned KitchenAid before selling it off, but they still make the most popular restaurant supply heavy duty mixers on the market. They're pretty much indestructible.) Now then, your next mission: post videos of the 3-some! Wheeeeeeee! :)
from papotheclown :
High five for threesomes!
from dangerspouse :
For godsake. Just get Ken and Lee together and start enjoying DP's to your heart's content. Why is this even a question? In non-ridiculous comment content: good luck getting the supervisor's position!! And...your grandma left your grandfather? Really? That's kinda sad, on the face of it. Unless they're both happier for it, of course. But still...really? Damn. How long were they married?
from loveherwell :
You got this!!!
from papotheclown :
Good luck!
from comebacktome :
TOTALLY got this! xo
from dangerspouse :
Gah!! Feel better, kiddo. And happy 2016 - I hope it rock for you :)
from loveherwell :
i just realized i hadn't responded to your last kind note. i am hoping that these next few months give me some clarity on a lot of things: where i am, my job, who i'm with, etc. we will see if it works. i have a feeling i will be going back to kentucky before the end of next year, but we will see.
from thruthecrowd :
I know that feeling...<3
from loveherwell :
he is sad and i kind of hate myself hah
from comebacktome :
Sounds promising my dear! I am talking to a guy who loves motorbikes. And books. Spelling is inconsistent, but he correctly referenced Dylan, so I'm going to give him he benefit of the doubt for the moment...
from loveherwell :
i'm sorry everything is so shitty :( i'm hoping it gets better soon.
from dangerspouse :
Return of the Prodigal Orgasm! Huzzah!!
from dangerspouse :
Cards Against Humanity! And booze! If that combo doesn't cure things, shit really IS serious. Hang in there.
from buffylass :
Thankyou so much :) day went awesomely in the end, and we're now slowly working our way through all of the leftover wine, cake and cheese. It's fantastic! xx
from dangerspouse :
Any horse farms near you? Or a 24-hour jackhammer store https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r5j84BucjyQ ? Good luck, kiddo. I'd like to say "I know what you're going through", but I don't. So I'll just say: DO SOMETHING!!! THESE ARE THE YEARS YOU SHOULD BE WALKING BOWLEGGED FROM ALL THE ACTION YOU'RE GETTING! For godsake, you don't want to be 50 and reminiscing about all the cobwebs you used to have to sweep away every week down there...and still are. Let's go, chickie, DO SOMETHING!
from papotheclown :
The desire to be properly fucked is not a shameful thing. Don't add guilt to all of the other burdens you are carrying. I hope you get some soon.
from spit-n-lie :
Your lack of sex has made me laugh hard but very much wishing you get some soon. Fingers crossed(but not legs).
from dangerspouse :
Gosh, how could I take that any way other than as a diet reference? How dare you, madame.
from dangerspouse :
Naked with a spider on your face? How the HELL did you know my fantasy?? (Hang in the with the low carb. I lost 60 pounds in just over a year when I went that route 2 and a half years ago, and its stayed off. If you are any good at cooking at all, and can use your imagination when looking at ingredients, there's no need for it to be boring or frustrating at all. If you need ideas or just want to vent or brag, feel free to write me an e-mail anytime. Hang in there. It - and you - are worth it.)
from spit-n-lie :
Ooh! I like that.
from spit-n-lie :
May I ask, does B know about K? Just trying to figure out the dynamics... Nosey me, I know :/
from spit-n-lie :
Awesome. mundilfari.thegiant @ hotmail
from spit-n-lie :
do you share your diary? let me know and I can give you my email
from spit-n-lie :
Not at all! Strangely flattered, actually :)
from thruthecrowd :
Thank you <3
from dangerspouse :
Good luck getting the DV Shelter gig!! Oh - and to your grandma, too. That's pretty important also :)
from dangerspouse :
Heh. The Duggars being cancelled is indeed a positive. Not as good as "Duggars all killed in a horrific double-decker bus plunge", but you take what you can get :)
from dangerspouse :
Happy birthday! (Er..don't read this til Tuesday, ok?) Glad your house is clean at last, ya slob ;)
from thruthecrowd :
is it an infection? Have you been tested for bacteria, etc? :- I could barely move it got so bad, I'm doing better now after antibiotics I hope they figure it out soon! <3
from dangerspouse :
Did you get a diagnosis yet??
from thruthecrowd :
I hope they figure it out and that it's an easy fix! <3
from loveherwell :
no you aren't! you're wonderful!
from loveherwell :
is that the kind of dog from where the red fern grows?!
from comebacktome :
Yay!
from dangerspouse :
Bitch. You didn't say WHAT KIND OF COOKIES!!
from comebacktome :
Preach it sister! Fucking doctors can suck a dick!
from loveherwell :
thank you! you are so nice :) it's very difficult. i typically feel fulfilled either through school or a job, and i currently have neither (well--not what i consider a "real" job). we hang out with people on a semi-regular basis, but they aren't *my* friends, which is odd. luckily i have three friends visiting in a couple of weeks. and THANK YOU about the hair! this haircut has absolutely killed me. every time i look in the mirror, i hate it more :( but it'll grow, at least. i hope that you are doing okay--it seems that as things are progressing with ken they are slightly degressing with bill. i love how upfront you are with both of them, though. i think that's the key to success in all of this. i'm wishing you well.
from dangerspouse :
I knew your Bikini Bottoms became all a-quiver in the spongy presence of ol' Squarepants! I knew it! And I don't blame you. I would fuck that squirrel with the Texas accent and deep sea helmet til the cows came home, myself. Good to know my fetish is shared by someone worthwhile for once!
from dangerspouse :
Do not underestimate the power of Sponge Bob to unleash a torrent of libido.
from ashwink14 :
I apologize but at the moment, I'm not comfortable with anyone but myself having the password to my dland diary.
from dangerspouse :
A real bed? Pfff. Fogies!
from dangerspouse :
Oh god. I'd rather have a Mexicali parasite than develop an allergy to chocolate. Chocolate! My very raison d'�tre!
from dangerspouse :
Thank you very, very much for the note and offer to chat, kiddo. I'm very grateful for both. Sorry I was too drunk and/or distraught to remain online last night and take you up on your offer, but know that I was touched that you'd offer. You rock, babe.
from dangerspouse :
You're trying to squat for 30 days?! I've only done that when I've been severely, severely constipated. Maybe it's from your flu. (Oooo, Northwestern! Go for it!)
from dangerspouse :
So...are you going to go back to school? That's always a plus!
from papotheclown :
Thank you for the clarity, but surprisingly, I had already figured that out. Please tell me that you didn't just go from aryssa18 to aryssa90 and that there are actually 72 other blogs out there that belong to you.
from thruthecrowd :
I have come to the conclusion that having a body genuinely sucks...i hope everything works out, and even more so that the doctors are wrong. :-
from dangerspouse :
Oh no! What's the prognosis? Have they given him one?
from enurta :
I miss reading your diary! user/pass please?
from thruthecrowd :
<3
from incshrnkmn :
If pasta tips are anything like rib tips, they sound great. Good luck on your hunt for anacondas and similar wild creatures.
from comebacktome :
I don't think you're being punished my sweet. I shall email you about this, but it's biological, not karmic, I PROMISE! xo
from lostasyou :
i emailed you but you never replied.. [email protected] x
from lostasyou :
Are you giving away a password? x
from jaysthoughts :
Another diary locked away, never to be known. Alas.
from dangerspouse :
Eh. You'll only end up getting another pedicure. :)
from dangerspouse :
How very uncomfortable. I don't know if you've mentioned this before, but have you considered counseling? There must have been some chemistry, some qualities that made you marry him in the first place. Maybe those qualities have just gone underground during the complacency of marriage, and need to be dragged up again. Or maybe...counseling will bring you to discover otherwise, and it will save you from spending the rest of your life with someone you find stultifying. I hope this works out for you, either way.
from dangerspouse :
You just have to solve this equation: "(Things I like about being with Bill) minus (The things I don't like about being with Bill) equals....". That will let you know if it's worth going through life with someone who doesn't share your interests or inclinations. (Oh, for extra credit factor in "plus odds that he'll change in 'x' amount of time".) Good luck!
from papotheclown :
Two things: 1. I emailed you again, hopefully you get it this time. 2. More importantly, I tried to delete the notes you left, but they don't seem to be disappearing. I emailed diaryland support about the issue, hopefully they will take care of it soon.
from papotheclown :
I have two single friends. One is a single mom that works all the time. The other is kind of an arrogant asshole who seems to make women feel uncomfortable, which makes me really hesitant to hit the town with him. C'est la vie, I suppose. Did you get my email?
from papotheclown :
So I would like your password and stuff so I can read your diary. Think about it. I'm nice.
from dangerspouse :
I'm glad you talked about it first. Good luck, mighty huntress.
from papotheclown :
You can absolutely follow me. Judging by your profile, I think I am going to follow you as well. I imagine we can have some interesting conversations. It's nice to meet you.
from dangerspouse :
Fucking money, indeed. I feel for ya.
from dangerspouse :
Oh, SNAP!
from dangerspouse :
Yeah, so haiku is not your strong suit. You're still a very nice person.
from dangerspouse :
Hey, no, you didn't say if you'd landed the job or not. Congratulations! Now get some sleep so they don't fire you the first day. Slacker.
from stepfordtart :
I know. I need to stfu. Ive lost your pw, would you send it to me again (or I never had it, in which case, can I?). Thanks everso s x
from dangerspouse :
With entries like THAT, what do you expect to be called? "Demure demure demure"?
from dangerspouse :
"Bee"-utiful. I see what you did there! Ho ho ho! :)
from dangerspouse :
Was "input" a deliberate pun?
from kalel592002 :
Sorry it has been so long since I answered. I've had a very trying year and don't visit Diaryland too often. With luck, I will be a more frequent visitor in months to come.
from dangerspouse :
Heheheheh. It worked :)
from won-too-tree :
Will you send me your login info? [email protected]
from dangerspouse :
I got into a locked diary only to be told I'm about to be regaled with tales of WEDDING PLANS?? I didn't sign up for this gig....
from incshrnkmn :
It would be great to get your password... [email protected] P.S. Dangerspouse's advice below is absolutely right.
from thruthecrowd :
Email me your pass...
from sparkle-pink :
hey there! if it's okay I would love to continue reading. shoot me an e-mail at [email protected] with da info if it's cool! Thanks :)
from dangerspouse :
Oh yeah - shoot me the password if you go that route.
from dangerspouse :
You would have felt bad and wrong if you hadn't done it, either. Just not (as) guilty. Now do yourself a favor: if you want to stay with Bill, take this to your grave. When you try to convince him to get freaky, don't bring this up as an example of how much you need it or you risk him seeing it as a betrayal. Then all bets are off. (Still - sounds like it was worth it!)
from loveherwell :
i'd like in still.
from peggypenny :
Afraid they will cum too soon, out of control. Men think it's a weakness to cum to early. Give him an ultimatum in a positive way. "I'll give you a new technique B.J. if you go down on me first."
from dangerspouse :
I dunno, THIS guy certainly can't give an opinion on it. It's just such an alien concept, not wanting gonzo sex if offered, that I can't even pretend to know what's going on. I mean, I love cars and own cars and sometimes even love IN cars, but that doesn't mean I understand what's happening when they start driving funny and not acting like their supposed to. Same with your guy. He's SUPPOSED to be all over that shit. But he's not. So something's wrong, and I'm no mechanic. Sorry. May be time to trade him in for a better ride....
from peggypenny :
Many men would not want to watch two woman for fear of getting "out of control" a big fear in many men. And if you want your lover to do something for you, you announce loudly, "If your want a lover to do something for you, you do it to them." Then, immediately with large hinting eyes, go down on him. Then stand up, put your pussy in his face and give him the same hinting look. If that does not work, then you say bluntly, "Go down on me."
from dangerspouse :
Thanks for the note back! You're kidding - Diaryland made a mistake?? Quelle surprise! Oh well, the important thing is YOU LOST 20 POUNDS, HOTTIE!! Wheeeee! Drive them puny gas station attendants mad, baybee! Lol. Seriously, congratulations. Ok, now, a grave concern must be addressed: is Bill an illegal alien from Mars? What red blooded (I assume hetero) American male turns down an offer to watch two chicks do it - with his girl's permission?! How did you find the ONE GUY ON THE FUCKING PLANET who even had to mull that one over?? I'm bringing this up at the next Manly Man Meeting of Men. We may have to revoke his membership. Jesus. God, if you were mine....
from whystinger :
Keep pushing for couple's therapy and don't give up. You may have to go through a few to find one who works. My wife refused to go to couple's therapy until I moved out. I have been back a few years but things are still eh. You deserve sex and someone who will participate with you in sex. My wife claims "you (I) don't give me enough sex" yet she is the one who constantly says "no." Don't fall into the trap I am in and stay IF it cannot be fixed. Oh, my wife is fairly overweight and I still WANT her. It is the person I married, I don't worry about the weight. I need to make a note and find my way back to your diary.
from dangerspouse :
Twice in one weekend?! Greedy, greedy! Lol...I hope you get it too. Report back and let us know, willya? Oh - and did you get the job?
from thruthecrowd :
you too? That was my whole day. :-
from jimbostaxi :
Happy early Bday! :0)
from sparkle-pink :
I've been cooking a lot too! I really like it. Here's a blog that has EXCELLENT recipes, as well as complete nutritional info for all of them! http://www.skinnytaste.com/
from thruthecrowd :
omg that's terrible! I'm glad you're standing up for yourself against that type of treatment! :( I wish you luck in finding a better and less life-threatening job soon! <3
from sparkle-pink :
That's so awesome that you've lost 19 pounds!! Keep up the good work!
from buffylass :
Ahaha this hen do was for an evangelical Christian, which may explain the lack of porny Disney characters! Definitely less Princess Jasmine and more Baloo the bear x
from buffylass :
I believe the USA hen do equivalent is a bachelorette party - I'd be interested to know if they also suck in the States? I was Jessie the cow-girl, so not even technically a Disney character! And thankou for the gran well wishes :)
from stepfordtart :
Hello dear! Do you know what youll be studying for Brit Lit yet? VERY interested to find out. :-) s x
from ruebenwafco :
love the 'taste the lies' entry. Happy New year!
from loveherwell :
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE :D
from ruebenwafco :
good to be back. I took a hiatus. really life was fucking with me. I say sleep, it does the body good. write your dad and just say, "I love you." that's all. nothing more. you'll feel good for doing it and it doesn't tie you to responding to him or seeing him in May. Peace. and keep in touch.
from dangerspouse :
Thank you for replying to my note. That was very sweet what you wrote. I'm glad you feel that the good outweighs the bad in your marriage, even if the bad can really be miserable. It was heartening at least to read in your current entry that Bill is seeking a medical answer. I hope for both of you it helps. And best of luck to your father. That is a very, very tough road he's going down, and I'm sure it can't be easy for you to watch him do it.
from thruthecrowd :
I had to cut off my dad with the message that i love him, but that as long as he is doing things to hurt himself and others I cannot have contact with him at all. Since then my siblings have followed me in that.
from dangerspouse :
Seriosly - why do you stay with Bill? Do you think he'll change, somehow, someday? I wish you the best. You sound very sad all the time. (And just out of curiousity, have you heard any updates from your father? Has the guy who called your grandmother for money left him alone since getting it?)
from lostasyou :
Sorry! I somehow accidentally changed it but it should be back to normal now!
from whystinger :
Loved your entry, sort of related to it. My wife is like your husband, except it has been about two months since we had sex. I know how you feel, not wanting to have an affair. Keep working on a resolution or you will be like me, stuck in a marriage with a shitty sex life.
from ruebenwafco :
yo, been MIA for a while, but your diary is what kept me sane today. enjoy reading about your life. hang in there, kid.
from loveherwell :
i tried that years ago, so i may need to go back to it! i seem to remember it working quite well.
from thruthecrowd :
ha...that made me smile. Life is all about coping and adapting to try to cope, even if it ends up being maladaptive...I'm convinced.
from thruthecrowd :
Did you take antibiotics in the last month? I don't remember if you mentioned anything, but if so, my bf's gma got C. difficile (sp?) and had the exact symptoms you are experiencing. It is contagious, and any dr. can give the test for it. I hope you get better soon. <3!
from thruthecrowd :
:( feel better <3
from buffylass :
Ha! Amazing. Handy in a spinning round sense?
from thruthecrowd :
Feel better <3
from thruthecrowd :
heh, started mine today too and thought the same thing...I actually hoped sincerely for the last two weeks.
from stepfordtart :
Please do, cos...umm....there seem to be some gaps where stuff mightve happened. Maybe? s x
from thruthecrowd :
yay! :)
from lostasyou :
Of course :) username: yes / password: andno
from comebacktome :
oh oh. do you want to chat?? xo
from thruthecrowd :
<3 I've experienced similar things with various people and agencies. I'm sorry you're experiencing that though.
from comebacktome :
Boo for bronchitis and lack of computers to Skype. Boo, booo, boooo, BOOOOO! xo
from loveherwell :
i just realized that i never replied and wanted to say thank you again. it has taken me a bit of time to realize that people deal with other people's pain in different ways, and more so the world just doesn't work the way i want it to. i really appreciate what you said, and i'm sorry for what you've been through as well. x
from thruthecrowd :
:( I'm sorry. I'm thinking of you and hoping things get better soon. <3
from comebacktome :
Oh honey. I'm sowwies. Let me know if there is anything I can do?? lubz! xoxo
from loveherwell :
thank you for that. really. x
from thruthecrowd :
<3 Thank you
from lostasyou :
Thank you for that and it's okay. Also I think it's just the comment box being weird. It should go back to normal soon, hopefully.
from thruthecrowd :
OMG I know...it is the worst flu I've had in some time. Warm-hot tea with honey helped my throat the most. Feel better soon!
from thruthecrowd :
I would be concerned too...that therapist needs to look into diagnosing. DID is from extreme longterm repeated trauma, and only can be dx after years of intensive work w someone who knows on a specialty level how it works. I have a relative w it and know more than i want to about it. Normal childhood traumas cant cause it, idk if your guy understands the implications of her dx on him. The therapist is making pretty severe judments all around. And misdiagnosing people doesnt help them, it destroys everyone involved.
from thruthecrowd :
not you too..this is the worst flu ive had since i was a child. :(
from won-too-tree :
Sorry to hear that... work sucks sometimes. Unfortunately, having no money sucks more. :( Hope you hear back from one of your applications.
from thruthecrowd :
Have you signed up for the IBR program? I don't know if your loans will qualify, but if they do, try to do this ASAP and you won't have to pay more than 15% of your income over $10,000 or something like that. In the meantime do anything, just don't default. And FYI the percentage of interest goes up if you forbear your loans. here is one of many links: http://studentaid.ed.gov/repay-loans/understand/plans/income-based
from thruthecrowd :
Les Mis is awesome. I haven't seen the film yet, but it is my favorite musical. Hope things get better. <3
from thruthecrowd :
I hope everything is okay. I'm thinking of you two. <3
from comebacktome :
Hey honey, I hope bill is ok. Thinking of you xo
from lostasyou :
Well, I don't even know about extensions myself really aha. I just hope for the best. You can get them online and stuff but it's risky if you are not entirely sure about the colour. If I get them online then I normally buy a shade that's quite light, so then I can dye them myself to a darker brown colour. And just hope that they match my actual hair.. aha. For these new ones I just went into a hair shop in town and some woman working there found some 18" ones that matched my real hair colour. But they were mega expensive. And I had to sew the clips to them, ugh. I don't know what else to say, really! Probably best Googling information aha, Google is a fuck ton more reliable than I am ;)
from loveherwell :
oh, yay!!! i just love them :)
from thruthecrowd :
i link all of my pics from photobucket or flickr. I'll tell you how to do it if you like. It's cool cause you can lock the folders, but still link a specific photo publicly. :)
from sparkle-pink :
Hi! Sorry I missed your note, I didn't get a notification either! Anyway, I'm so glad you're feeling better. You're right though, this diary is a great place to write about all the shit. My username/password is sparklepink/envelope. Take care!
from thruthecrowd :
you might feel stupid, but I completely know how you feel...unfortunately. <3
from thruthecrowd :
yeah, it will hurt as it heals. I'm sorry though. I went through it too. The bottom has nerves that go closer to the area where the teeth are. I remember the first few days I ate ice cream, frozen yogurt, yogurt, smoothies and breakfast shakes, pudding, and refried beans. After then I broke chicken into swallowable bits (its irritating but works), and just tried to let myself swallow without really chewing. Ground turkey or chicken is better for that. After a few days I also put ice in a baggie wrapped in a wet cloth on my face to ease the swelling and pain some. Feel better soon <3
from thruthecrowd :
did u ever get my email? idk if it actually sent.
from thruthecrowd :
yeah, but I have an interesting theory on that. I'll write about it in my diary because it will take too much space to write it here. :)
from thruthecrowd :
I'm glad that guy did something positive to help you. I hope you feel better soon. <3
from comebacktome :
Oh noooeees :( I hope the dentist fixes the problem tomorrow and you feel better AND THEN have some awesome sex to make you feel better properly ;) big loves xoxo
from lostasyou :
I haven't heard of it. I'm glad it's working for you though! My scars are all white now, they really stand out even on my stupidly pale skin aha. And there's hundreds and hundreds of them so I guess they'll be more difficult to cover. Ah well. I'll try something else one day.
from lostasyou :
I've tried bio-oil on my self harm scars.. doesn't seem to make any difference whatsoever :/ but then again I don't religiously use it every day because I forget. I want to find something that can seriously disguise them.
from thruthecrowd :
D-land is awful for informing people of notes. I always wondered, and even inquired as to why it can notify you of updated diaries but doesn't for new notes. I really appreciate all of the kindness you have shown me, it means so much to me, and I will email you as soon as my head stops being foggy; hopefully later today.
from aryssa90 :
thanks for all the notes everyone, i am just leaving this note here for everyone to know, i'm not ignoring your notes, diary land just doesn't email me notifications anymore and i never think to check my notes! Sorry but thank you!
from thruthecrowd :
Thank you for caring. <3 I love writing. I shouldn't be giving advice on how to really get into it because of how little I have been writing lately, but what I love to do is make lists of things I wish were possible or things I like or wish, and start writing as if it is all possible. :)
from comebacktome :
Wohoo weight loss! High five my friend! Xo
from comebacktome :
My darlingest aryssa, is you online? I wish to speak with you about how you are! xoxo
from sparkle-pink :
I'm worried about you. The way you don't feel like yourself and the suicidal thoughts you have been having (I know you mentioned they're not serious but I believe that any suicidal thought is serious). I really think it would be a good idea to talk to a professional. Perhaps with school ending and getting married these big life changes are a little overwhelming. Idk. I am not qualified. I know it may seem unnecessary to get help, that's how I felt. I always felt like I was the girl who had it together, had all the answers, it was just a phase, just pmsing, but I really needed professional help and meds. Not saying that you need meds too but having someone to help you figure out what you're going through will help. You can delete this note if it's too personal, I don't mind. Please take care, I'm thinking about you.
from sexyatheist :
Girls is amazing, i love it! i wish there were more episodes. and you are very welcome. i'm glad it helped, even a little bit. and well, my affair didn't exactly turn out well but hey, i still got the story. :)
from loveherwell :
exactly!
from thruthecrowd :
<3
from sexyatheist :
i'm sorry to hear you're in pain honey, that sounds like it's really tough on you. i'm proud of you for sharing, it's embarrassing but nothing to be ashamed of. i hope you feel better before your plane ride!
from ashwink14 :
Yeah, I've seen that! :) Thanks for sharing, regardless!
from thruthecrowd :
lol. I had the same conversation with mine, and we love our non-existent children too and the perfect world they would live in. :)
from loveherwell :
yes!! that's totally it!!
from comebacktome :
AHAHAHAHAHAHAH! I just laughed out loud in the middle of my loungeroom (pants off crisis style). You is freaking hilarious as always! Now, GO DO YOUR HOMEWORK!!! xoxo
from comebacktome :
And that is the exact topic that my good friend did her PhD on :) I can see if she will send it to me if you want to have a read? xo
from comebacktome :
What s/he said!! Babe, she met you for like an hour, there is absolutely no way in hell that she knows you, even a little bit. And, as pointed out before me, academics are so wrapped up in their own little world of academia and their own bullshit and egos that they can't see anything about how the real world actually works. Yeah she may be a practising clinician, but it doesn't make her any good. I can tell you right now, the worst lecturer I ever had, was also the shitest clinician- and ended up being barred from practising, but that's another story. It is all about what YOU want to do babes and I agree that a school that doesn't support you may not be fab, but don't give up on the career that you have wanted so long, because she's got no social skills. I bet that bitch wouldn't want to be a sex therapist either, so really she doesn't know shit about your life and plans for it. Big loves! xoxo
from thruthecrowd :
Practicing clinicians are the ones who wrote in my files that I would never in life be able to do anything beyond an 11 year old with my education and socializing history...they are the least aware of others as individuals while being the most judgmental, and I would dare to say the most bitter to have a job at all. They base everything in life from books and statistics, with no life experience of their own. Trust me when I say this because I have met too many, and that woman has no idea of life outside of her little office and any books contained therein. Don't doubt psychology, you have qualities that are in line with psychological based studies and careers. And there are much better places that will be more supportive for you and your future studies. <3
from comebacktome :
That sucks, she sounds like a douche! I had a shit day too, with people pissing me off. Wanna hate the world and all the fuckwits within it together??? xoxo
from thruthecrowd :
Which means...we both have a year off! :) Sorry that that lady has so many issues. She seems to exude everything that is wrong with psychology. I look forward to you finding a better place with people who really love what they do and want to do! <3
from thruthecrowd :
now I can add you to the people I know who got engaged list, as I stare at mine with dis-contempt knowing I should just buy myself a ring already and let everyone I am engaged to myself because my other half wouldn't join me. :)
from lostasyou :
Yeah.. I guess things like that are a big slap in the face. I'm going to get a few of those in my time, I bet. For all the awful things I do to myself and the situations I get in.. corrr, I'm going to get a slap ha. But it's good you're thinking that way, well I think so anyway.. not sure what I'm getting at haha I'm terrible at explaining myself.. but yeah, I'm still sorry for your loss xxxx
from lostasyou :
Your entry about Trevor made me really sad. Opened my eyes slightly, too. Life is so short. I am really sorry for your loss, hope you feel better xx
from comebacktome :
Oh honey, I'm sorry :( I sympathise, I felt the same when I found out about Sam. It's okay to feel weird and upset, he was still a part of your life. If you want to talk, let me know xoxo
from lostasyou :
Ahhh yeah, it's annoying. I want my room done nooooow. And hmm, he has a Youtube account but only where he listens to other music and whatever. Not sure what the band account is named under.
from lostasyou :
Cheers, and yeah it's nerve-racking at first but it's okay. I know I get very uptight and anxious but it's okay. Maybe volunteering is a good chance to like.. practice? I think of it like that anyway. Get all the mistakes and shyness out of the way now and I might be better when someone finally properly employs me haha, might be the same for you too :) and ugh my room is a mess. Boxes of things to be taken out when I paint the walls etc, but nothing has been bought yet. I want to get on with it though!
from lostasyou :
Yeah, sounds good for a test haha. I think I'd be very nervous myself.. but I guess if someone got my boobs out in that sort of situation then it'd be different and more acceptable than if it happened by some randomer in the street hahahaha. Sounds really exciting, glad you enjoyed it :)!
from lostasyou :
Thank you :) and naaah it sounds really good. Plus, really great that you and Bill are so comfortable with each other. Being able to do things like that together with no jealousy/trust issues and whatnot.. I like it :) makes things a lot more fun! I'd love to look into doing something the same, I think I might after reading your story haha.
from lostasyou :
and happy belated birthday! Sorry, I'm shit at being nice and polite haha. xxx
from lostasyou :
Your birthday story sounds so good! I'd love to go to a strip club, or like a burlesque sort of place. Must be fucking expensive though haha.
from thruthecrowd :
Thank you! <3! And Happy belated Birthday! That was quite a way to celebrate!
from incshrnkmn :
Happy birthday. Thanks for the present. (Loved that story!)
from thruthecrowd :
I didn't mean I would leave my diary or anyone here, sometimes it scares me how much you know about my life and thoughts, but you never put me down when I feel overwhelmed or sad, and no one here ever has. I meant more face book and other social media crap where people are weird and don't like being human. I have appreciated your comments so much, even if I haven't often replied in return. <3
from lostasyou :
Whatever film you choose, don't pick Piranha 3DD! Hahaha nah it was okay.. but not great. Hope you have a good weekend anyway, sounds like it'll be a laugh :) xx
from comebacktome :
I am here! I am online! Come back my sweets and we shall chat! xoxo
from comebacktome :
I am your friend and you can always talk to me my sweet! Oh and I don't see it as regression, more processing. I think you are looking to things that free up your brain to hash over the big stuff. And I completely think you are fair enough in being pissed at Angela, just because you are friends doesn't mean that you just have to accept and support everything she does. Especially if she is being a monumental douche. Just my $0.02 xoxo
from comebacktome :
Nope, you're just awesome! Don't let someone make you feel bad for NOT being pathetic! xo
from sparkle-pink :
Try checking out local music shops. Sometimes they offer lessons and may have a cello teacher on staff, if not they may have a list of recommended teachers or even just people they know. Are there any post-secondary schools that offer a music program nearby? That's probably the best place to look for a teacher. Maybe you could nab one of the teachers at the school, or they have a colleague or student they could recommend, or the office of the music school might have a list of students interested in teaching, or maybe there's a bulletin board with a teacher's posting. You could put a post up too. Also you could try out cellists of nearby orchestras and see if they're teaching of if they have anyone they recommend. It seems to be all about cracking the seal, once you get in the recommendations start coming! Good luck finding a teacher! The cello is one of my favourite instruments. If I could go back and do it all over again, I would choose cello.
from lostasyou :
I wish you all the best for the future :)
from lostasyou :
Congratulations on the engagement <3 finally aye :D
from sparkle-pink :
AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! CONGRATS ON GETTING ENGAGED! I'M SO EXCITED FOR YOU! In trivial news, and I'm sorry I haven't responded sooner, I've kind of fallen off the train re: dieting and exercising. It's a sorry excuse but I'm still figuring out my schedule about taking transit instead of driving. I don't know how much weight I've gained back but for sure I've gained back a fair bit of it. Oh well!
from comebacktome :
Hey lovely, just a quick note to say that I did get your email but have been out all day and driving for a couple of hours, so might not get a chance to email back until tomorrow morning, but I am thinking of you and sending positive healing vibes to Bill. Big loves!!! I will email you soon after I get some sleep xoxo
from comebacktome :
Lucky bastard indeed! BTW the beautiful man who works in my building and goes to my gym and is my secret eye candy spoke to me today! And smiled! And flirted! And checked out my arse! This made up for the crazy lady earlier in the day! xoxo
from sparkle-pink :
Congrats on losing 15 pounds! Keep on kicking ass!
from ashwink14 :
Yeah, I think my uncle mentioned something about their tires. And yeah, you're totally right. I suppose I figured they'd be more fearless, but then again, seeing as I pointed out, people have died in this sport, they definitely don't wanna risk it.
from sparkle-pink :
Starting over is better than giving up! I thought about trying weightwatchers but decided against it because I'm poor and what I'm doing seems to be working. You mentioned you didn't like the meetings- how come?
from sparkle-pink :
Thank you! How's the calorie counting going? And are you getting any exercise in? Is there a specific plateau diet or just following general tips? Sorry for all the questions lol.
from sparkle-pink :
Sorry to hear about your family troubles! I hope your stepmom is found soon. That's scary business. In other news- good for you for being on track again. Working out when you're stressed out always feels so good. I'm starting week 4 now which is where things tend to fall apart so we'll see how things go. So far I feel good though! But it's still the morning lol. I don't get the hunger cravings until the evening/late at night. I've been cheating the system by eating a big dinner. I've seen around that you should eat a small dinner but I know for sure I would end of binging if I did that. I'm still seeing results so I guess it's okay!
from comebacktome :
Ohh noooo honey, lemme know how this pans out mmkay? xoxo
from thruthecrowd :
You are a really good member of your family. Don't let anyone make you feel bad for that. I hope everything works out for the better, especially for that little girl.
from comebacktome :
Boooo. Fucking unis man, they are nothing but drama and angst. Let us skype and whinge later this week yes? I shall emails the deets xoxo
from sparkle-pink :
Still doing well despite it being the 3rd week! Here's where I typically fall off the train so we'll see how it goes. I feel strong this time around though. Sorry to hear about you gaining 2 pounds. Just remember to take it in stride, each day is a new day, you can do this! Oh and just in case you missed it, I posted a healthy cupcake recipe yesterday, if you like white cake. Haven't tried it out myself yet so I guarantee nothing!
from sparkle-pink :
Bob rules too. Both of them are totally awesome. I actually have a difficult time ordering healthy when I'm out. It's always like, a salad with grilled chicken or salmon or something. I have a hard time paying lots of money for something I can make so easily at home. How have you been doing these past few days? I've been staying on track but yesterday was difficult because I was home all day. Plus yesterday was my day off of exercising so that only made matters worse. I juust scraped by under my calorie limit yesterday lol. But today was good. Had a snack when I don't usually have one but I was still over 100 calories under my limit (1000).
from comebacktome :
YAYAYAY! See, good communication for the win!!! Loves xoxo
from thruthecrowd :
Maybe we should introduce our boyfriends to each other...I'm about to buy myself my own ring. :-\
from sparkle-pink :
Ugh that's so hard when there's yummy food around you. I remember trying to diet when I was living at home with my parents and there was like, open bags of chips just laying around begging to be eaten. I always ended up binging. I have the Biggest Loser game too! It's great. Who do you train with? I love Jillian so I choose her. I'm going to buy the 30 Day Shred and add that to my exercise regime. I think I'll get into yoga once I'm a bit more fit. It seems like such a great activity, good for your body and mind. I use caloriecount.about.com too, but just for looking up info about foods. I have a journal that I write in to keep track of all the food I eat and the exercise I do. I have the app from myfitnesspal.com downloaded on my phone for an easy way to check calories when I'm out. So far I haven't had to use it because I have no social life lol. I don't mind though because so much of being social is wrapped around food! It's so much simpler just to stay in and eat a salad.
from sparkle-pink :
Yes! I'm in it to lose 150... well 146 now. What's your diet and exercise schedule like? I wrote about mine in today's entry.
from comebacktome :
It's official we are soulmates!!! I never expected anyone to know what that was from lol. Mark and I quote that scene on an almost daily basis. Freaking hilarious!!!! Gold star for you! xoxo P.S trying to sort out some linkage with things that are also registered under the same name i.e blogs, twitter etc. to make sure only the etsy one comes up, but I will sort it this weekend. I have been making stuff, so there will be things for purchase ;)
from lostasyou :
Haha that exact same thing happened to me. I tried dying my brown hair blonde years ago.. HA! It was just pure blonde roots and gingery going down and then the same dark brown it was before :( Had to wear a hat in the shop I went to to get more brown dye and the store assistant's made me take it off.. how embarrassing hahaha.
from sparkle-pink :
Thank you!
from sparkle-pink :
Thank you for your note. You're right... nothing will fill the Kodiak-sized hole in my heart but another pet will help to heal it.
from fatcowww :
Hiya :) I have decided to lock my diary again, probably indefinitely, starting the entry after next. I hope you would still want to read me - if so, please let me know where to send your details for login (via email would be best). Note me or email me (fatcowww@dl). xxx
from lostasyou :
Thanks for the comment :) there's gonna be some definite walking. Along with no cabs to places that are only a 20 minute walk in the day, i.e just to go shopping ahaha. So lazy.
from lostasyou :
haha! i think i was partly joking, but i am aware that i'm one of those "types" tut, some people aye.. hope you feel better and less angry :P
from lostasyou :
was that last entry aimed at stupid people like me? ;) or am i just paranoid haha..
from comebacktome :
Oh no my dahlink, what is happenings to chu? It may also be an inner ear thing, keep that in mind if it doesn't go away and get it checked out. In the meantime you have an email full of scintillating details waiting for you to entertain you in your sick bed ;) xoxoxo
from sparkle-pink :
Hey! The password hasn't changed at all. Still envelope. Username is sparklepink.
from comebacktome :
Oh nooooooeeess, your nooooossseee! I hope it is ok? Pack of peas on your face my friend, stat! BTW, I kinda sorta did something possibly silly, that I swore never to do (again). Still unsure whether it was a good move..will post later, but sleepies now xoxo
from thruthecrowd :
ew...sorry about the worms. If you have an extra blanket, use that as a sheet temporarily. luckily worms are usually easy to get rid of.
from fatcowww :
Re signing up for free, or not - when I made this account I had to pay $2 to get a special link to use to create the diary. I had assumed that this link was randomly generated by the system and different for each signup, but possibly not, since more spam diaries have popped up since then (hence the return of the clickable * after usernames on the members pages) - presumably some asshole distributed the signup link. Official info about it here: http://news.diaryland.com/#1279598358 ... although I don't know for sure that it's still in effect. I guess if you log out and try to sign up again and it doesn't ask you for $2 first, then we know it's free again (in which case I panic).
from comebacktome :
Mokay, very important typo in previous note- try NOT to stress! Anywho, I have a long email coming your way full of bitching, intrigue (not really) and just a hint of fun stuff. Stay tuned! xoxo
from comebacktome :
Mokay, so I think the joint present thing is bullshit. I agree, it's the thought that makes it. It's why I hate getting- or giving- money, or even worse, picking out what I want and knowing what it is. Ugh! I am sorry it's all gone badly with the dentist :( Try to stress my sweet, I am thinking of you!! xoxo
from comebacktome :
Totally agree- hot vampires who actually bite people and look scary for the win! Ian Somerhalder shirtless is reason enough to like that show, aside from the fact it is actually good lol. I misses chu, alas have not one, but 2 massive assignments due and have been slack and not done either of them, hence enforced hibernation from the intermenets, but I will write back to you sooooon xoxo
from lostasyou :
Thanks. Yeah hopefully they do something to fix me aha. Someone has to.
from ashwink14 :
Yeah, you're right. And I think I was aware of that when I posted the remark. I suppose maybe instead of judging the type of animation it is (I've seen a lot of hullabaloo about traditional vs. CGI) or even the medium, we should go with judging the story/characters. :)
from lostasyou :
I look forward to hearing about the dog!
from comebacktome :
OMG, you got to use the Zoolander quote in perfect context, arrrgghh I am so damn jealous!!! I had this moment when I was in Slovenia when I really really really missed my brother because some friends were talking about how it was underwhelming and all I wanted to do was say 'I know you can be overwhelmed and you can be underwhelmed, but can you ever just be whelmed...I think you can in Europe' But no-one would have gotten it :( I had an idea, which may or may not work...depending on the time difference, maybe we can skype on my birthday?!?!? That would be AWESOME!
from comebacktome :
Hahahaha. The throat thing and the orgasm thing are totally related, think about it, pharyngeal tightness due to stress and tension, release stress and tension (pun intended)= hey presto, better, more relaxed throat muscles. That's how I get rid of headaches ;) Much love, apologies for the disappearing, stupid net broke in the storm. Grrh. xoxo
from sparkle-pink :
Thanks for the film suggestion. It's on my to-watch list on priority!
from sparkle-pink :
I don't think there's any way you can be a bad puppy mommy! The best thing for a puppy is love and you'll definitely give him/her that.
from comebacktome :
That's settled then! We shall have puppies and kittens but no husbands lol. PS so exhausted, but will hopefully write you an email tonight xoxo
from comebacktome :
Hahahah. I won't marry you, but puppies for sho! Also maybe kittens? I do so love kit-tens xo
from sparkle-pink :
Nice template change! It's fun!
from sparkle-pink :
Re: Project Runway- I'm pulling for Anya, although I'm not sure how much longer she's going to last given her lack of sewing experience. I also really like Viktor, he makes amazing stuff! But I'd be okay with any of them winning at this point EXCEPT for Joshua. He annoys me.
from comebacktome :
Awww that is really sweet. Oh and you can tell Amber to f* off, from me. You are way too good for that kind of crappy behaviour. Rudeness. If I was there, we would be having words. Much worse than Bitch would be mentioned, I can tell you that right now *nods sagely*. But don't worry, I lubzzz chu ;)
from thruthecrowd :
dang, that must be some strong strep if a drug that's supposed to kill Anthrax doesn't get rid of it. :-( Hope you're better soon.
from thruthecrowd :
I hope it wasn't amoxicillin that they gave you because it doesn't cure the new strains of strep. Zithromax knocked mine out. I hope you get better soon.
from comebacktome :
Arrgh guys are just so crap with this stuff! You will get it sorted my sweet, you just need to give him a kick up the ass ;) In other news, I may have found a house, huzzah! Miss chu xoxo
from stepfordtart :
Im here! Thanks dear - will delete your note. Just catching up on some old stuff, I diamond isnt important in an engagement/wedding ring AT ALL. Ive been engaged 5 times (dont ask!) altogether and married twice and I didnt have a diamond every time - it didnt seem to bear any relation to how long the relationship lasted or whether or not it even ended up in a wedding! With my 1st husband I had a big yellow citrine. With L I have diamonds - you can see it here http://stepfordtart.diaryland.com/070425_3.html (with the reason why on one entry previous to that). Right. I'll stop leaving you massive notes now. s x
from comebacktome :
My lovely, I haven't forgotten about the email I owe you, I am just drowning in snot & mucous atm. Oh and once we are both better we need to get this skype shizen sorted. Stat. I see you are online and it makes me want to talk to you :( xo
from stepfordtart :
Delighted for you to add me! Thanks! If you are sending out passwords, would you send one to me? [email protected] should work (or leave it in my notes/comments) - I tried a swish, a flick and a hearty Alohamora but nothing happened ; ) s x
from won-too-tree :
Do you mean vs. a fake diamond or something less traditional.. a different stone, no rings at all, etc.?
from ashwink14 :
I'll second the person who said something about the diamonds being conflict-free. That's important. And as long as the guy doesn't lie and say it is a real diamond when it isn't, as well. Personally, I don't really care about rings for weddings/engagements. For a variety of reasons (fear of losing it, not being a jewelry wearer, mostly).
from comebacktome :
Or maybe we just swapped- I gave you my period and you gave me your sickiness. I feel like death. And I am having some tres weird boy issues. I shall email you about this later, still trying to figure it out :/ Oh and if it didn't involve moving across the world again, I would totally take you up on your offer xoxo
from sparkle-pink :
I don't think a real diamond is important at all! It's all about love right? My roommates, who have been happily married for 10 years, bought their wedding rings for $10 at one of those ring kiosks in the mall lol.
from comebacktome :
IMHO, the only important thing about diamonds is that they are conflict free :) Otherwise it depends on what is important to you. Big loves xo
from sparkle-pink :
I actually wasn't too happy with my wand and also my sorting. Dogwood sounded kind of lame and I'm so not a Gryffindor. But with my other account I got a hazel wand and I'm in Ravenclaw! Yay! I didn't cheat either and try to sway the results and answered the questions honestly. I'm very happy now.
from lostasyou :
AHHH the things we do to look good or feel better ahahah. Yeah if I just condition it lots it might improve x
from lostasyou :
Hahah! Thank you. But that's why you get extensions.. ;) or not. They are so annoying to maintain and it'll be worse now my hair feels like straw ahaha. Just a temp change, it'll do for now! Thanks xx
from ashwink14 :
Congrats on getting into Gryffindor! :D
from sparkle-pink :
I had strep throat once. It was honestly one of the worst times of my life. Hope you're feeling better! Thanks for the advice, I'll stay away from the Blind Side book.
from thruthecrowd :
strep really does feel like swallowing razors, i remember all too well. Tonsillitis is more of an irritated sore feeling, but it's not emergency levels of pain like strep is. And I have yet to place who or where I got mine, so I'm not so sure it has the textbook requirements for getting it anymore. My bf never had it, and the only place I went that week was a church to watch Buddhist monks make a sand painting. Three days later I was in unbelievable pain and looked like the Easter bunny attacked my tonsils with an egg polka-dotter. I hope you heal fast! In some ways I wish my doc had given me a shot of antibiotics, even if it had to be in my bottom...my antibiotics took over three weeks and many allergic reactions before they knocked it out. I was in pain that entire time. :-( *hugs and wishes for a quick recovery* from all these miles away.
from comebacktome :
Not an abscess (sp?) babes, actually sounds like textbook tonsilitis with swollen tonsils and the white dots- which does hurt like a bitch IMHO. Strep unlikely if you haven't actually come in to contact with anyone who has it, as you get it from saliva and nasal fluids AND it's most often kids that get it, but get swabbed if you want. No needles and popping should be necessary, either way. Your ear is probably hurting because your tonsils and adenoids are swollen and this is pulling on your eustachian tubes- OR you may also have an ear infection (I get the double whammy sometimes). Your Dr should be able to diagnose you in 2 seconds and give you a script. Get better soon! Love loves xo
from thruthecrowd :
i've had tonsilitis off and on most of my life, it doesnt hurt - strep throat however looks almost the same swollen tonsils and white spots and is unbelievably painful. Get tested for strep. They just swab your tonsils - no needles. It is contagious, so if you have it you'll have to take antibiotics to not be contagious to others. I hope you feel better soon. <3
from thruthecrowd :
thank you...I think I'm just very overwhelmed and very alone here. But thank you for caring. <3
from fatcowww :
Of course I don't mind that you read! It's public, innit..? :) I don't mind lurkers, really, but I do get curious eventually. xx
from comebacktome :
Aaah my friend, it is not that you are immature, just that families can never actually see you for who you are, they are way too ingrained in their memories of when you were 2 and they babysat or whatever. It's irritating as hell, but unfortunately just the way that it rolls. Living apart definitely helps, people tend to see the changes a bit more. But they can still be a pain in the ass. True story :P xoxo
from fatcowww :
This is a belated greeting - I noticed you added me ages ago. I should have at least said thanks by now :( I hope you find me amusing or entertaining or whatever :) Since you've not noted/commented I have no idea what you think... but I like to be optimistic. Cheers :)
from lostasyou :
Thanks for that note you sent, I'm not sure when it was because I've been a bit all over the place but yeah. I always appreciate it, thank you x
from comebacktome :
Heya sweets. I meeeeeeses chu. I hope you have a good week away. Big loves xo
from lostasyou :
Oh I know.. it's just so shit. I think we've all somehow been the person who won't listen to everyone else, makes the bad choices. All of us! I just wish she'd come home. It's her 22nd birthday today and I don't know where she is or if she's happy. I wish she'd come home to see her friends who love her so much even though she's such a tit sometimes!! But yeah not much else I can do. I think I am just a bit of a worrier.. It'll sort itself out :) thanks xx
from lostasyou :
Doubles dates!!
from comebacktome :
My lovely, I am the most terrible email friend in the universe, I have been away with wedding schizen and am massively behind on my uni work, but I have been thinking of you and will try and write you an email sooooon! xoxo
from ashwink14 :
Nope. Haven't gotten my welcome email yet. They do it in like bursts. They did one today, I think. According to Hypable (http://www.hypable.com/harry-potter/2011/08/29/pottermore-hits-major-beta-user-count-milestone/), a few days ago there were about 105,000. And a million people got early access. So, yeah, I'm like, 90 percent of those who hasn't gotten that email yet. http://insider.pottermore.com is also helpful in finding out when they're sending emails out.
from lostasyou :
P.S. really don't have a drink.. Not sure if I have the right to even say that but sod it ;) just don't. Haha.
from lostasyou :
Haha thanks for the note. It's alright.. I was just having a bit of a meltdown after he left my house. It's alright though. I'll get over it eventually. I dunno about counselling now, I don't really feel comfortable with the thought of someone sitting there listening to me whine on about the break down of a crap relationship, it just doesn't seem.. needed. I dunno. But yeah, thanks. And it'll get better. x
from sexyatheist :
it has been sent! let me know if somehow it doesn't make it to you.
from comebacktome :
My sweet, just got back after spending the whole week with my bestie and her girls. Sooo knackered, but suffice to say I am a way craper writer-backer and I am like 90% sure I am the one who owes you the email, so we is good. I will hopefully find time to write a big one this weekend, coz I have news!! Love loves xoxo
from lostasyou :
Thanks :) *blush* I saw a film called The Inbetweeners Movie.. it's a British TV series that they made into a film. Just a comedy, with really crude and disgusting humour with a bunch of loser college boys haha, and in the film they go on their first proper holiday together.. cue lots of trying to get hot girls and failing.. it's all really silly but hilarious. Yeah I'm not sure what I eat, it depends. A lot of the time because of the drink I either forget to eat, or I am too sick to eat, and other times I'll eat quite a bit. Just depends on my mood really but yeah it will be the alcohol helping the weight gain, sigh. And thanks :) I like that it's seen that way with the pregnancies haha. x
from mspsyched1 :
Thanks...I greatly appreciate it. I feel like I have been reading you for so long, that I just have to keep reading up on you. Almost like someone I've known for a really long time...without actually knowing you. So, thanks again. =)
from lostasyou :
It's so weird :( Finding out one of them was pregnant last week was a big shock but this was even worse. I really couldn't take it in. I can't. I was pregnant last year and took the easy way out because I'm not prepared to have that lifestyle yet and I just wasn't ready. I'd also have been on my own ha. I know it's bad to take that way out but there was no way I could do it and it was horrible. But I don't like to think about it anymore. It's so weird that there's going to be these two little babies crawling around and they're all going to talk about it so much and blah. I think I just need to get my head around it a bit more. It's going to be weird. I don't seem to accept changes very easily even if it has nothing to do with me hah. It's just.. weird. But yeah. Thanks for the note :)
from sexyatheist :
hi! i don't think i got it, would you mind sending me another email? [email protected]. or you can leave me an email address for you and i'll just send it. sorry, i don't know what happened!
from lostasyou :
Haha eeep *blush* thank you <3 Yeah it's pretty cool I guess. I never say "no" to that sort of thing, just let him walk all over me and I DIDN'T for the first time haha. Waheeyy x
from lostasyou :
poor dog!!!!!!
from comebacktome :
Ohoh, what happened?? xo
from comebacktome :
Bwahahah. 'I like em if you pay me'- loves it!!!
from lostasyou :
Haha oh god you'll make me cry! Thanks :) I don't think I even want to think about being with anyone else right now. It sounds like the worst idea in the world. One day though. xx
from comebacktome :
Heya darlin. I meees you too! I am now back in Oz and will email you tomoz. Love loves xoxo
from mspsyched1 :
Ive been trying to read up on you...but youre all locked up now. Would you mind me having your password? *crossing fingers* =)
from sparkle-pink :
Yes, I do watch Project Runway! I haven't seen the latest episode yet though. Soon. So I've just seen the first 2. So far I really like Olivier, and Anya (surprisingly). I LOVED Anya's pet store outfit. I actually thought she should have won. I liked Bert the first episode and then changed my mind about him the second episode. What a terrible attitude!
from sparkle-pink :
Sweet! I have two, in case I get sorted into Hufflepuff lol. CharmWillow209 and DawnCharm31. I'll tell you which one I end up using. I'm hoping to be sorted into Ravenclaw or Slytherin. And it was definitely the Britney Spears Crossroads. Nothing but quality.
from ashwink14 :
Thanks for the info. :)
from lostasyou :
Congrats on your news before I start :)! And yes, perhaps it'll be much better to be "numb" hahaha. I don't know. I just don't feel much right now. Can't be bothered with the effort. And yeah! I emailed them, they asked for my details and then they sent me a text to say they have my details and I'm on the waiting list :) Said it generally takes about 3/4 weeks to find a free slot, so I hope I don't bottle it when the time comes, ughhh!
from sparkle-pink :
That sucks about the $$$. I'm not sure how it works in the States, but in Canada we have student loans, which makes getting a higher education a little bit easier. But I agree with you! Why is it so difficult to get a good education? It's not right. I finished my bachelors like, $40,000 in debt. That's ridiculous.
from ashwink14 :
I think my plan at the moment is to be a licensed professional counselor or something for a while, and then go back for a doctorate and/or Ph.D. I think I most want to do research and maybe be a professor.
from sparkle-pink :
Yay! Congrats on grad school!
from ashwink14 :
Congrats on getting into grad school!
from lostasyou :
I feel like everything would be better if I had a job.. I mean I did have a job in March but I lost it in 2 weeks.. hahahaha. Seems the alcohol takes over! But next time I want to learn from my mistakes and get it right. A job seems like the answer to everything, doesn't it? A routine, money coming in, something to do, no sitting around being bored, at least you'll be a bit more social, might make some friends.. sounds great to me :(
from comebacktome :
Hurrow!! I am your friend!! I may be a bit crap at replying while I am away on hols, but the love is still there :) Just got in to Copenhagen from Croatia and feeling stressed depressed and woozy so thinking I may need food, but then I shall sit down and make some aryssa email time xoxo
from ashwink14 :
Congrats on getting into Pottermore! What's your username? Mine is QuaffleDust197.
from sparkle-pink :
Hey! Sorry... I didn't notice your last request for the password and I forgot about the other one. Username sparklepink password envelope. I've been reading your journal, I'm rooting for you to get a job! Sucks when no one wants to hire you. I've been there and I had to settle for the worst job ever (Payless Shoes). The job was all right I guess, but the people were HORRIBLE. Assholes who took the job way too seriously. I was desperate though so I couldn't quit. Good luck to you! Something will come your way eventually.
from lostasyou :
Ah I see. Yeah I think it'll be a little harder for me somehow hahaha. I suppose we're all different though. Thanks for the suggestions yeah, I am trying to figure out some stuff about what I can do as a distraction. And thanks again, it's nice knowing there's someone there :).
from lostasyou :
Thank you :) how did she stop completely, do you know? That's if I can even ask ha. It'd be so appreciated, I need all the help I can get.. I am drinking now and don't even want to. I need all the help I can get x
from lostasyou :
Haha ;] They piss me off so much though when they get a text or something and they all stand there looking around for about 10 seconds. Do something else, good grief.
from lostasyou :
Cool, thanks :) Haha don't worry I never have anything going on in my life really, things just pop up and I make a massive drama out of it.
from lostasyou :
Noooooooo! Goodness me!! Sorry I am a bit of a mess at the moment, I do enjoy wallowing hahaha. I'm completely fine for you to read :) I think my last entry ended on a rather bitter note so I'm sorry if that got to you, it's nothing like that don't worry. It does suck being miserable.. Really does. I'd love to get in your diary but you locked it :P You haven't upset me at all you silly goose, the only person who can do that is the one I often talk about.. Hmmmmmmm! xx
from lostasyou :
Ohh I can't get in :(. Haha no it's fine, I get it all the time I just just too stupid to actually do anything about it. Yeah I always wonder that.. If it's acceptable to be treated like shit some of the time, and be treated nicely most of the time.. Probably better if it was just nice all the time, aye? I dunno wtf I'm even doing anymore. We'll see. And thanks :)
from thruthecrowd :
Thank you for caring, it means a lot to me. <3
from comebacktome :
my darling one, muchos apologies from my corner, my laptop charger broke so I have been the better part of a week without net access- Yes, I nearly did go insane! Anywho back in the land of the emailage and my plan is to pack up my room, pack my suitcase for croatia and email my neglected buddy Aryssa. Oh and make coconut cupcakes for my last day 2mrw. It shall be done! xoxo
from comebacktome :
I just literally laughed out loud at the anaconda reference. Ahahahah, that shit is funny. I am aiming for some emailage 2mrw...hopefully. I really need to do some exercise though my tummy flab is just not cool given the former awesomeness my abs once were xoxo
from ashwink14 :
Thanks for the correction, Wikipedia describes the spell as "Used to heal relatively minor injuries". If anything, they'd probably use something that makes the blood disappear or something. Though that would probably be just overdoing it, bringing magic unnecessarily into the bedroom. And you're right, about the series being mostly for young persons. And, I completely agree with you about these characters basically being her children, and I think the point that you made about that, is probably why I feel rather unsure (for lack of a better word) about thinking about them in sexual situations myself. And thanks for agreeing with me re the movies. :)
from aryssa90 :
odd indeed, i shall have to look for you! i have an e-mail in the works for you detailing my wonderfully boring life :) hope you're doing well and stopped reading that book!
from comebacktome :
So I tried looking for you on skype, but no dice. I will emailz you my name and then maybe you can try on your end?? I have figured out that it doesn't like to work with the sound, I have to be wearing my headphones...xoxo
from thruthecrowd :
Thank you for caring, it means a lot. <3
from comebacktome :
I meeeessses my Alyssa, yes I does. I will get around to emailing you back one of these days, right now I am still in panic mode facing the fact that I will be back home in a month. A MONTH- eeeeeeeek! xoxo
from comebacktome :
OMG that is shit, I'm sorry to hear that :(
from comebacktome :
Hurrow you, did you get my emails?? I have been thinking of my girl, yes I have xo
from comebacktome :
Ohh nooo for sickiness! That is tres shit. BUT guess what, I actually have some time this weekend for the first time in a month and I think I remembered some of the Oz stuff I had to tell you so I will endeavour to write you something to entertain you. BTW Thanks for your little note via email, it was appreciated xo
from sparkle-pink :
OMG that "I love you" moment is so beautiful! I'm glad you finally got to say that to each other!
from comebacktome :
OMG, how did I not know this??! HAPPY BIRTHDAY my hot schmexy friend, may your pants off time be plentiful!! xoxoxo
from ashwink14 :
When I used "the" for Batman, I was going with how Colbert had called him in the clip. Plus, I think in the Nolan movies, they do call him "the Batman" but Colbert was my only actual reason at the time. Plus, for some reason it makes him even more badass (which doesn't make sense, lol.) As for Wolverine, I don't think I've an excuse.
from comebacktome :
so the pressing of the play got in the way of the writing of the email. Or at least I did write it, but didn't have any intermenets to send it. It is now waiting for you- part 1 anyway. There is a whole Part 2 that has evolved in the last few days that I will try to find time to write you soon xoxo
from comebacktome :
Well I am writing you some angst to keep you entertained, so gear up for some serious reading my friend! After that it may be radio silence for a few days while I try to press the play button on my life that has been paused for 18 months. We'll see how THAT goes :/ Oh and yay for hot schmexy time! xo
from comebacktome :
SO I wrote you a massive email while semi reclining on my keyboard and drooling with bleary eyes, but the love is there! Or it better be, I have this horrible feeling that it didn't send properly, in which case I will kill someone...once I get some sleep xo
from comebacktome :
I wouldn't say a toddler, 2yos are evil by nature- not their fault, just the development of all the cognitive stuff that happens at the same time. Defo 3yrs and up- they are the ones that I work with. OMG, the cuteness! P.S I is putting aside 'Alyssa Emails time' this evening, so watch your inbox xo
from comebacktome :
You bet your sweet ass I am wanting that email- I am totally fuzzled, what is the silky situation??? I will also email you back in a decent time frame as have some time off next week when I shall be organising my life that went to shit through one thing or another. But you first! xoxo
from comebacktome :
*cheers* Good work! Way to wear the big girl panties! And your reward shall be me actually getting off my arse to write a new entry lol xo
from comebacktome :
I tell you what, I will write you a shiny happy entry sometime soon. Alas tonight I spent the whole evening writing the most depressing letter I have ever written in my whole career. It's not even finished either, I just couldn't stand it any more, I needed a break, so I watched some HIMYM, coz that makes everything better xo
from comebacktome :
I too am rooting for your vadge to sort itself out post haste! (could that sound more disgusting?) Since mine is broken I need to live vicariously damnitt!! (Yes, apparently it could...) xoxo
from comebacktome :
ssoooon my pretty soooooonnn. Good luck, I'm sure you'll do great! xo
from comebacktome :
I am back, I am alive, I will write you tomorrow I SWEAR it on Eric's hot body, which is the most sacred thing I can think of right now. I have to alas get up at a heinous hr to get in early to work to prep for a presentation I have to give first thing. Ugh! xo
from sparkle-pink :
I actually bought a box set of the Little House books. I've never seen the show but judging from your reaction it's pretty sweet. I'll look into that.
from comebacktome :
Nope, never heard of Stratego, but if it's like risk the awesome factor is most likely high! BTW I will eventually get off my arse and write you an email, but I have been crazytown busy this week/end. We shall defo all share and lust over Eric together! xoxo
from ashwink14 :
Part of the reason is probably because episodes 1 and 2 were the first of Star Wars I had seen. I didn't see the originals until around 2002 or 2003. I mean, the second episode (Clones) for years was in my top five favourite movies. That got knocked off once I realised most of what you said (and ep3 came out and I was like, THIS IS GREAT). In a look of my top 100 movies from last summer, the 3rd is the only one of the newer to get in the top fifty (at 3), and the original trilogy are all in the top 50. I think I'm definitely either switching teams or just liking the films regardless of when they were made. I do know that I prefer Han/Leia to Anakin/Padme (we know how much I love UST...). Plus, the older trilogy doesn't have Jar Jar. If anything, I think I like episodes 3 to 6 the most. Thanks for your insight, Alyssa.
from sparkle-pink :
Hey! Sorry it's been a few days. My workout routine is 30 minutes of cardio at the gym (15 treadmill, 15 elliptical) and then I have this Biggest Loser game for the xbox kinect, which I do for 20 minutes. My diet is really close to the South Beach diet, except I have 3-4 servings of fruit per day. My Dad had a heart attack so I'm eating heart healthy foods, like steel cut oats, spinach, salmon and blueberries. I've been bad lately though and need to get back on the train. Good luck to you in your weight loss journey!
from fangbanger :
I want to come and being a roomie in Oz too. Haha, he is a ganster wanker. It's a shame though because the sexy time was awesome.
from comebacktome :
No, but I had to go and drag everything out from under her bed because she is too much of a wuss. It is times like these I feel like a total guy, because she is honestly hysterical and it is just ridiculous. It's a fucking mouse, not armageddon! Oh and lol to being roomies in Oz, that would be fun! BTW you have an email waiting :) xoxo
from fangbanger :
Why thank you :D
from fangbanger :
Wohooo! I am SO glad I got your password. Love your horniness, is awesome! :D
from fangbanger :
can I have your password? :)
from fangbanger :
They are indeed! I always want some pants off time with him - damn the people that have had that opportunity!!
from comebacktome :
AHAHAHAHAH you are fucking hilarious. I am in the process of sending you emailzzz xoxo
from comebacktome :
I heartily approve. Which I'm sure surprises no-one lol. Anyways, check your email, as you have a reply waiting xoxo
from comebacktome :
Yo, where is me deets? I is a lookin' but I is no seeing no deets. Email me woman!! (please) xo
from comebacktome :
Hello my lovely, I owe you some emailage, but need to be good and do my assignment so may need to wait until after the weekend. Am thinking of you and the big visit though!! xo
from comebacktome :
:O Holy snapping shitfish batman, that is a BIG decision! What's with this weekend and massive choices being made?? I hope the talk goes well xoxo
from comebacktome :
Snap! I always get it either when I'm about to go away, or while I am away. Really fucking annoying when you have to go in search of tampons when you're in a foreign country and don't speak the language (and have better things to do!)...can you tell I had to do this today?? I was partially prepared but not in the quantities required it seems. Sigh. Being a girl sucks arse sometimes.
from comebacktome :
Ahahahahah. That is hilarious. And icky. But mostly hilarious. I laughed my arse off xo
from comebacktome :
Hello my sweet. APA style freak at your service :D That is what all of my stupid assignments have to be in too. I have no idea what time it is over there and if I am too late, but I thought I would offer :) P.S Sweden is amazing!
from won-too-tree :
Can I have your password..? If you want to email -- [email protected]
from comebacktome :
Nah you're gonna rock it! Now go get some sleep and then kick some arse, I believe in you!! xo
from comebacktome :
Yes but why do I still care??? I am meant to be moved on with my life damnitt and then he does something stupid like this and I am right back where I started. Arsehole. I just want it to stop :(
from comebacktome :
So thanks for the note and the emails and I shall email you soon I promises, but I need to go sleepies now xoxo
from comebacktome :
I had Mac n Cheese last night at this cool vego restaurant and thought of you xo
from comebacktome :
Awww. *sends big hugs* xoxoxo
from comebacktome :
P.S I sent him an add, he hasn't responded :/
from comebacktome :
You can say this because you had sex last week lol xo
from comebacktome :
Hooray! Congrats on having the scary convo and having it work out fab xo
from comebacktome :
Very sucky start- BUT I am now writing you your promised email full of wonderfullness and amazing insights...well, not really, but it will hopefully be a slightly better end to the day at least :D
from comebacktome :
I am SO PROUD OF YOU! Sounds like it went pretty well too! Will email, but it's midnight and I am already going to be going in late tomorrow as it is :S xo
from comebacktome :
Okay I think I knows, so I shall say good luck! I am sorry for not replying yet, the commuting is killing me this week, I am utterly exhausted. I will get back to you this weekend though, I swear! xo
from ashwink14 :
I only applied to TAMUCC as I knew I'd probably only be able to go there given the closeness to my home. I basically spent several months on my application. Mostly for the essays and the letters of recommendation. I had my application mostly done by the end of 2009, the end of January of this year, but did not hear until April. If I were you, I'd start at least in October. The GRE exam is several hours long, and it's got like verbal, math, and writing sections, if I remember correctly. I would check out http://www.ets.org/gre for more information. I hope this helps out, Alyssa.
from comebacktome :
Sounds like a fantabulous date to me! xo
from comebacktome :
OMG, Amsterdam! You must go, and I shall meet you over there and we shall fuck shit up. It'll be legen...wait for it...DARY! xo
from comebacktome :
Hahah! Damn skippy! Do you know what is funny, I was actually going to write a note saying that there better be an email waiting for me tomorrow before I got to the end of that entry lmao. I was just thinking of you actually as I was enjoying that special time in my life...HIMYM of course. I wait with baited breath for my email, I actually have an entry I was gonna write, but might just emails instead :D xoxo
from comebacktome :
:O ! You also forgot to add emailing me to tell me more in that list of things to do!! xo
from sparkle-pink :
Hope you're doing okay!
from comebacktome :
Oh oh. What happeneded? *hugs* xo
from comebacktome :
Bwahahah! Well, I am the same, so what does that say about me?! I think we just have well developed masculine sides. And I know I shouldn't say it, being a feminist and all, but sometimes girls are CRAZY. Guy logic is much more straight forward *nods sagely* xo
from comebacktome :
Mokay, so I really wish you could have been inside my head while I was reading the whole chicken paragraph, because the image that it conjured up was priceless. That shit is funny! Not you getting pecked to death of course, that would be bad :D xo
from comebacktome :
Hey babe, I hope you got my email? And I'm sorry you are feeling perturbed, but if it makes you feel better, he's prolly feeling a bit guilty re the money thing and is just trying to lighten the whole concept by joking that it's all about something else. He knows how you feel, I'm sure xo
from ashwink14 :
You're not a pussy for crying at Toy Story 3, girl. You just have a heart. <3
from comebacktome :
I defo agree, the casting for the supporting roles was shiiiiiitttee. I would put someone actually blonde as Carlise, Peter whatsit just looks weird and someone actually HOT as Rosalie. And I am all for cutting the dead weight, screw them, you don't need them anyway, I truly believe it is better to have true and good people around and while they may be fewer in number, they are worth more than 10 crap people who cause drama and BS. Quality over quantity all the way! xo
from comebacktome :
I had a productive day too! I tested a kid and talked to his school staff and then did this massively long and complicated report for education support in like 2 hrs- everyone was impressed- and THEN came home and did the remaining 1500 words of my essay- yes, it is finally done, YAYAYAYAY! We kick arse my friend. Tis a scientific fact. xo P.S I will emails you 2mrw, right now True Blood and naked Eric is calling (mhhhmmm)
from comebacktome :
Good thing you know yourself well enough to know that you will *wink*. P.S regarding babies: Welcome to the darkside, soon you will be looking at miniature converse sneakers and going 'awwww', just like the rest of us suckers :P xo
from comebacktome :
Oh noes. This sounds bad. I hope you is okay :/ xo
from sparkle-pink :
I think it's not a bad thing to be upset about bad news. Hope everything's okay.
from comebacktome :
Hey sweets, sorry didn't get to your email today, but will reply tomorrow once the assignment is done. Only 1000 words left! xo
from comebacktome :
Yes it was!! I have sent you a reply, which is hopefully "fun", but I'm off to bed now! xo
from comebacktome :
So I have been a good girl and done like 6-7hrs of uni work today, including lots of reading and then more searching and downloading and now I have to do more reading- can I have a reward email to look forward to?? Pretty please?? :P
from comebacktome :
Bwahahah. My vagina can't count. Lmao, love it! But see, you're going to get your marathon, pants off time ad infinitum- remember the deep heat babe, you will need it! I think you should just mention that some oral would be a nice little addition to the mix. It's actually easy to do, particularly in a marathon situ, as you can have a break from the actual sex bit, rest your various sore bits, but still have fun :D Be brave, it improves the intimacy (and the sex!) xo
from comebacktome :
Ahahah. Oral is the shit. I love it, but I totally agree the first time was weeeeeiiiirrrrddd. Not helped by the fact that it was the first time Gallus & I had hooked up, so my head was like "You do know that's one of your best friends right? One of your best friends. Going down on you. Right now." Cue freak out. The weirdest part was that he did that before he ever actually kissed me on the lips. But he totally loved it and he was a *machine*, PB was 2hrs solid. Aaaah the memories. Le sigh. Anyway, point is, it's awesome, but your head definitely needs to be in the game to enjoy it (no pun intended). I say bring it up again with Bill, this is one of the benefits of a long term relationship after all. Go get some pussy lovin my friend! xo
from comebacktome :
Hahah shanking over mac n' cheese. A worthy cause my friend! I have been good since I got back and dropped about 2kg of my cheese belly. But goddamn if I don't want some cake! I have been enjoying the spoils of my shopping though :D It's cool, she hasn't asked and I decided to lie if she ever did. xo
from comebacktome :
Okay okay, so I have written you your required post, now I need to go do my assignment (if that's okay with you :p) xo
from comebacktome :
Alyssaaaaaaaa! I am finally back, my beloved ibook and I have been reunited and I am now catching up on all the goss. More LOLs from me with the whole horny thing. I did some special shopping in Amsterdam, and thought of you- you would have loved it, it is ridiculously cheap and they are so blase and cool about it, it's hilarious! xo
from sparkle-pink :
Of course I'm not mad. I'm super pumped. Haikus are the best!
from sparkle-pink :
Yay haikus! I look forward to reading them.
from comebacktome :
Hey babe, in Budapest, just had to tell you about something. I was watching Family guy and there was this bit with Stewie- "But do you even know what sex is?" "Err...Im pretty sure it is a type of cake" lmao. I thought of you and just had to tell you xo
from comebacktome :
Thanks or the note babe- i laughed! xo p.s if the Italian guys I know are anything to go by, they will rip their OWN pants off lol
from comebacktome :
Nah babe, that is actually the point of burlesque, it's all about the tease and the hint of stuff- flaunting what you got and feeling comfortable with it. The dance steps are super easy, no real flex required (swear!), because it's all about the WAY you do it, sex kitten attitude is key. Plus you get to learn how to strip and not look like a doofus- I learnt this awesome spin/shirt removal/body roll thing. I have yet to find someone to demonstrate skills to, alas. So yes, while I may be able to imitate a pretzel, I don't have anyone to do it FOR, so don't be jealous :) And now I have to go pack and try and do my last assignment! xo
from thruthecrowd :
from a fellow student who is still in the trenches of finals, and will look much the way you described for the next two weeks, thanks for the laugh. I hope, besides the creepy white stalkers, that your trip back goes well. :-)
from comebacktome :
I have come to a conclusion- you are HILARIOUS when you are sleep deprived. You could write a sit-com (I think that is now a scientific fact, true story :P). On a related note, my friend and I were just talking about your little theory in that asian people hit around 12 or 13 and then don't age and look exactly the same at 35- so, you have at least two supporters, if not an entire scientific community xo
from comebacktome :
Bwahahahahahahahah! You made me laugh out loud in the middle of my loungeroom again! Believe me doll, I *wish* I was pants off time, but it hasn't really worked out that way. And alas, no, I was never in the circus, I wanted to be though! I did gymnastics and stuff for a long time and they were doing flips etc. and it made me miss it. And I am definitely not flexible like a slinky...more like soft licorice. The rest is true- as in all the ates-es (lmao) and my love of food and comic book films and kung fu. Oh and burlesque is super fun, it's all about the tease, you would love it! Go find a class, you'll have a ball!
from comebacktome :
Well I'm happy for you with the great sex part- pants off time hooray! xo
from comebacktome :
You're not weird babe. Grinding on someone and making them out of the mind insane with lust = mega fun! I love to tease- but I always follow through at the end- it's just the making them hot bit that makes me hot. So yeah, IMHO, totally normal ;) Oh and you kinda might want to say some of this to Bill, he's not going to know what you want unless you do...
from comebacktome :
Vibrating tables and pants of time. This just gets better and better! I had this mental image with 'pants of time' it was like this magical pair of undies that never went out of fashion, always looked brand new and never went up your butt crack unless you wanted them to. Can you tell I have no life and am avoiding my assignment? xo
from comebacktome :
So your first note made me LOL again (so hard that my housemate came in and asked what was funny) and then the second made me AAAwww. Thanks. Although I have to ask, did you mean pants OFF time? Or is pants of time a new phrase I'm just not hip enough to know yet? lol xo P.S You are welcome to use 'sexed up nubile self', I hereby bequeath it to you for use as you see fit :)
from comebacktome :
Brains are definitely hot. And of course you can have a marathon, you just need to make sure you change it up at critical points to take the edge off. I highly doubt he's going to be like 'Nah' to your sexed up nubile young self. Have some pussy confidence my friend, you can make it last if you want- even if in the down time for him, you let him watch you. That is usually a popular option. My only word of advice (as a 6 hr marathon girl) is to be aware that you may be sore the next day- like all over, because your muscles go into overdrive after a while, so take some deep heat. And go get yourself some new toys in the meantime ;)
from comebacktome :
It's stress, definitely the stress. I say go get yourself laid and you will feel much better. Oh what was that, oh yes, I believe it was a *Pants Off Crisis* huzzah! I say go forth and put it in to action! lol xo
from comebacktome :
You are very welcome my dear! The original diary entry made me laugh so hard it made me forget my crap day at work, so as far as I am concerned t'was a win-win :D Good luck with the move! xo
from ashwink14 :
It's kinda sad of Comedy Central, though. I expected a little more of them.
from sparkle-pink :
Thanks! Exercise helps me sleep and relieve stress also, but I've been so lazy that I haven't made it to the gym. That changed today though, my psychiatrist made me promise that I would go. BTW I loled a lot at your pants off crises. That totally seems like something I would do.
from comebacktome :
Pants off crises. I like it!
from comebacktome :
I literally laughed out loud with the pants off comment. Genuinely laughed out loud in the middle of my loungeroom! That shit is funny!! But if you think about it, there are some crisis situations where that could work i.e "Ahhh I think something is biting my leg!"...or maybe even "I really need to get laid. Honestly, it is a matter of life and death!" :D
from sparkle-pink :
Thanks! user= sparklepink pw= envelope Take care!
from home-of-d :
all locked up? boo. honeysimple at hotmail dot com if you feel like sharing with a strange girl in Canada. :)
from sparkle-pink :
Hi. I like reading your journal. Would you mind sending me the username/password? My e-mail is [email protected]. Thanks!
from thruthecrowd :
it made me sad, can I haz password, pwease??
from ashwink14 :
Yes, totally new South Park tonight. It's about an hour away for me. xD
from comebacktome :
Can I have a password pretty please? xo
from home-of-d :
relationships need to be the whole package. We need to find someone who fits us in all ways. I've tried to change myself in relationships to think that sex/attraction/peronality/smarts... that one of them was ok to leave behind for the whole.. and in the end you get annoyed that something is missing. Sex is important, as much as all the other puzzle peices. And if your not doing things you want to ... you may regret it later in life. live life dont settle.
from comebacktome :
See but that's the point babe, I'm not interested in waiting around for that. Everyone acts like I have to change who I am to attract someone else, it's completely ridiculous. I would rather be single!
from ashwink14 :
The stuff I saw was about Mormon polygamists and Taboo covered Jewish polygamy in their episode, if I remember correctly. I think the Mormon man had like 120 children. I am aware that the Mormons were big supporters of Prop 8, but thank you for the further information. And, I absolutely agree with you, for the reasons I stated in my entry (not fair, not practical, and of course, jealousy). Interestingly enough, I've no problems with threesomes (or moresomes). But, not as a continual thing or as a reproductive strategy.
from home-of-d :
I compleatly agree, it's just a new realtionship and there needs to be some learning about each of us. :)
from ashwink14 :
Thanks! I like them too! I actually decided to go to the Kohl's physical store for shoes when I checked out their website and saw that their shoes weren't that expensive. And that they had quality looking shoes. I hope you find a good pair of shoes! :)
from ashwink14 :
There are 180 episodes of the Golden Girls, and at about 22-25 minutes per episode, you would be watching tv for about three days, and that's if that's all you do. :D *nerd* I'd love to see you do that. It would be win.
from thruthecrowd :
I agree with you. There is a reason I don't go to church, partly because my relatives are Catholic heroin addicts and drug dealers, and partly because of the people I've known who were Republican, Christians, who smoke, drank, cussed, watched porn, were abusive to children, and put down single mothers on welfare and called me a worthless welfare bastard. When I finally read the Bible for myself at age 14, I found out just how far away from God or Christianity they really are.
from ashwink14 :
You're welcome and I hope it clears up soon. :)
from thruthecrowd :
You really really need to see a doctor for that. It's not normal, you could be hemmorrhaging. See a doctor ASAP.
from ashwink14 :
Alyssa, please go see a doctor in regards to your period. It could be something serious. Even if it stops before 2 weeks. It's already a medical issue.
from home-of-d :
I'm good.. stressed... but good. :) Currently trying to balance life.. and work and school and photography and the hope of adding a man.. lol One is very interested but older then I want (over 35 for a man means high rates of birth defects) and one is younger but 5 hours away on a job. Lol.. I never do anything the easy way. :) Hope your world is good. And that the new year brings to you all the things you need. :)
from home-of-d :
oh and watch your sugar intake.. granola bars are brutal for sugar value, which spikes your insulin levels again causing your body to push everything to fat.. :) Sorry if the infos unwanted.. just trying to help :)
from home-of-d :
Processed foods are brutal for you as is starving yourself.. figure out what your daily calarie intake should be there are calculators online.. and the reduce it by small amounts.. If you crash diet your body goes into starvation mode and every single thing you eat will pack on as fat. Also avoid simple carbs like noodles and crackers really hold no neutritional value for you. The harder the food generally the more your body will work to process it.. the softer it is the faster it turns to sugar and to fat... :)
from home-of-d :
I always give real opinions. :) And you seem to have a good head on your shoulders... good luck.. in the new year.
from home-of-d :
Its none of my business and I know I only read what you post so thats only a small fraction of the story. But I cant help but feel he's dropping you clues. If he tells you your only a friend, if he tells you he cant give you what you need... it reads like he doesnt have the balls to tell you straight up he's using you with no intention of ever giving you more. It sounds like you go above and beyond to be who you think he wants... but he does nothing to be what you need/want. You deserve better girl then to be some mans sex toy. And trust me... it might seem fine now, but when you hit your 30's and your still chasing someone or if your alone and you'll see all your friends marrying off having familys and you blew your younger years... their could be regrets. Thats just what I think, not that my opinion should matter to you. Just keep your eyes open and think with more then your heart. The heart can be fooled with kind words and kind touches.
from thruthecrowd :
hey, thanks for your notes. I like the in-love part, but him sleeping in his truck means no place to stay with him. It's a two seater, not a camper or SUV...blah. anyway, if I can't access internet from his relatives houses, I hope you have a good Christmas and New Years!!
from thruthecrowd :
I would complain about those fees to someone high up at the bank, give them a sob story cry that you don't have enough money to cover your bills that are due this week, and tell them you had no reason to expect they would hold your check...and then charge you. Your deposit is supposed to count from the time you submit it. Even if it takes a couple of days, it's supposed to be "pending" and available. :-( This makes me happy I'm not with US Bank.
from mspsyched1 :
greeneyes...laguna =)
from mspsyched1 :
Just wanted to let you know that I had decided to lock up yesterday. So if you want the log in and password, let me know. =)
from ashwink14 :
I knew it was something like that. Thanks for the intrepretation on the text. :)
from entragian :
this may sound bad, but if you want to lose weight, you should pick up smoking cigarettes. it releases chemicals into your blood that make you eat 30% less than you normally would. it's a "nasty habit" i suppose, but you're young and you can always quit when your 25. then there's also this other diet - fasting every other day. it's extremely healthy for you, and you can eat like a beast every other day, and your daily caloric intake will be cut in half. say you eat about 2,000 calories a day...if you eat every other day, that averages about 1,000 per day. keep that up for about a month, and you'll have lost at least 15-20 pounds, without having to excercise or restrict yourself for long periods of time. plus, i read an article that eating only every other day reduces the risk for heart disease, cancer, and diabetes. combine the two options i just gave you, and you'll be a size 2 in no time. ^_^
from won-too-tree :
7/7/9 Hey.. it sounds like things aren't going too well right now. I'm sorry to hear that! I hope things start looking up for you soon because you deserve it!
from home-of-d :
No one can tell you what to do or what's right. Only you know the whole story and even then sometimes we don't listen to what we are being told. If after this long he's still saying things like you imply then thats how he really feels. I kept waiting on the last guy, believing in the "good things" ignoring when he said he didn't really want a relationship.. But in the end. He had been telling me all along that he didn't want me for the long term. Listen to what the undercurrent is with your man. There will be someone out there who does want every part of you for keeps. Just got to find them and not waste time with those who say what you want to hear not what they really mean. Those who are looking for "goodtime girls" someone for right here and now not someone for keeps.
from fuck--that :
So are you moving back or are you a first time Iowan? I hope you adore it, Dubuque is a great place to be; it's civilization! Which, honestly, is rare here. =) I hope everything is going well!
from ruebenwafco :
wow...OK, so HE lives in Iowa...big move. I'm happy for you...I've finally caught up on ur blog as well...ttys!
from ruebenwafco :
still looking for that craigslist job...I'll let ya know. so, youre moving to cali or you already live there? my guy left and just moved back to san diego. i miss him and that place (Im an east coast boy right now)...good catching up on ur diary and glad things are swimming along for you!
from theotherman :
thank you for the info... that's pretty much what my dr said too--- whew! ;o)
from entragian :
username - hatesit password - still
from thruthecrowd :
hey, Happy (belated) Birthday!
from mspsyched1 :
I will definately keep my fingers crossed for you. I think its great that you have goals and things that you want to accomplish. I'll be here, ok there (on the other side of the country lol), cheering you on. YOU GO GIRL! =)
from ruebenwafco :
loved your letter to bill. no worries. he's lucky to have you. and theres a reason its you and not those other girls. when you going next?
from entragian :
I read somewhere that you can get your ex back if you just stop talking to him. Altogether. Because that'll make him miss you. More importantly, don't let him know that he has control over you by crying over the phone. Sorry, that may have sounded harsh. And post pictures of you having fun without him like on myspace or something. Act aloof. Like you don't need him. It works 95% of the time. ^_^ (I know you don't know me very well, but whatever happens, you'll be okay. Men are in abundance. So even if it doesn't work out with him, just rest assured knowing that someday you'll find someone)
from thruthecrowd :
haha...I guess I"m happy sad too...in a weird sort of way.
from thruthecrowd :
:-(
from addict-in-me :
: ) Doesn't god have a way of " STicking " It in and " Breaking " It Off You'll be alright girl just call him this weekend.
from addict-in-me :
Hey glad things are going better for you, pasta rocks : )
from enurta :
hello. thanks for adding me.
from ruebenwafco :
thanks..Ill keep up with you. take care, breathe deeply and take your time. later skater. p.s. youre no looser!
from entragian :
Haha, I'm fine. And yes, I'd love to talk to you on aim...my aim is JS Hellbiter JS (don't ask, I was weird in 8th grade). Like everyone else, I have problems with my relationship...and since the economy sucks here, and I graduated...I don't go to school, nor do I have a job, this town is INSANELY boring, so I never do anything. So I tend to focus solely on my relationship, and since I happen to be a pessimist, I focus on the bad things. d00d, do you have a myspace? and niiice for making a guy friend on WoW. guy friends are teh best! :)...my myspace is...myspace.com/bjorkklover
from won-too-tree :
I hope you feel better.
from ruebenwafco :
ummm for some reason, i just read every one of your entries. all of them. not sure why? it was like watching a drama and a comedy (and i mean that in the best way). where are you with bill? ldr's are very hard. i know. anyway sister, thanks. ive enjoyed it and hope to follow more.
from entragian :
Yup yup I'm 18. And yuh, diets are very...disciplining. If you feel like you can't do it, try and get the "heartbreak flu"...something you get when your boyfriend leaves you for another chic for 8 months, or he just cheats on you. Though sometimes it's opposite...some chics gain a shit ton of weight because they get into the whole "emotional eating" thing. And yeah, Chris loves holidays...kind of. I mean, he'll do something for Vday but nothing extravegant or anything. But he told me he's going ALL OUT for my birthday this year so I guess he's really excited. However, my friend is pregnant with twins and her boyfriend HATES holidays, especially valentine's day. So it's different with every guy I suppose. And don't blame your "whiney-ness" on your vagina. Everyone's like that sometimes, even men...hey, hey, people like to feel special sometimes. Do you play WoW WITH Bill? Or no? Cuz if you did a character transfer then you guys would probably spend more time together, eh? And maybe you should do something nice for him on vday...even if he doesn't do anything for you. It'll make him feel like an asshole...so I'm sure he'll end up getting you something :)
from entragian :
AHHHHHHH yes I love her diary! I'm so happy I found it. And errrmmm Chris and I have been together for four years. High school sweethearts. Haha. Organic poptarts...hmmm...soy is an ingredient in them. Sea salt, which, if you're a vegan/organic chic *such as myself* then you can't eat regular salt. You should read the book "Skinny Bitch." It's amazing. It changed my life. It's like, the easiest diet to go on, and the easiest way to lose weight. But it's a hard diet to stay on because you ALWAYS have to read the ingredients. Regular sugar has to be replaced with Raw Cane Sugar because regular sugar is encased in animal bones and yeah...it's bad for you. High fructose corn syrup is bad...and meat is carcinogenic (cancer-causing) along with diet coke. Replace all drinks with water, your skin starts to glow within a week. But they have organic white chocolate, so yeah, it's good. But you have to eat in moderation, too. And whenever you're hungry, you should just drink water because, well...chances are that you're just thirsty instead of hungry. Haha, sorry, I'm probably telling you a bunch of stuff you all ready know. Just read Skinny Bitch and it'll tell you everything you need to know about food. Plus it scares the HELL out of you. Mmmmm but yeah, how are you? :)
from entragian :
Yup yup, everyone needs sun >_<. That's sick that you play WoW though! I've got...ummm...a 74 blood elf DK, a 70 troll shaman, and a 46 blood elf priest. I prefer alliance, but my boyfriend plays Horde and HATES alliance sooo that ain't happening for me =(. And idk about the psychic thing...it's not really an ability, I just thought I had the ability for one night right before I fell asleep. ^_^
from addict-in-me :
rofl, you are such a girly girl lol
from entragian :
Haha, Gawd, if only the psychic abilities were real...I totally would. But I was so convinced they were two nights ago. Anywho, I'm glad you like my journal ^_^. I love yours. And do you play World Of Warcraft? Cuz I do ^_^ I know your lover does as well...but hmmm...you might hate that game considering he plays it lots. So IDK. <333
from entragian :
I read all of your entries. I'm so addicted to this diary. Um yeah, hi ^_^
from addict-in-me :
Keep your chin up !!
from won-too-tree :
Thank you. I've been thinking of ways to punish them.. ha.
from addict-in-me :
Hey you should try Magic The Gathering, it' a great game but it is not easy, you have to trick you foe into letting you win lol.
from addict-in-me :
Growing up sucks, so does waking up alone !
from clashpunk :
that is so sweet! You lucky girl :D
from won-too-tree :
That really sucks! Eventually they'll have to either respect that you are an adult and let you live your own life or not have you in their lives.
from addict-in-me :
LOL that is a shitty thing to say to someone. Well if it matters I think you are awesome !!
from theotherman :
my mom is a horrible-spirited person and i always knew... i tried for a long time to make that relationship work, but finally in my late 20's gave up. we rarley talk and my life is so much better without her terrible influence. it will take time, but just remember you know what she is and take it all with a grain of salt (although i know it's very tough)!
from won-too-tree :
Thank you for that. I feel like a burden is off my shoulders now. I hope your situation works out too!
from addict-in-me :
Hey, just remember to be honest : ) Your mom understands that you are an adult, she might not like it but she will get over it.
from addict-in-me :
Hey : ) Give it some time, love doesn't happen over night you know : p
from won-too-tree :
1-11 I know what you mean about being the one who cares too much
from addict-in-me :
Hey Alyssa keep your head up even when you are taking criticism, and beat that seven year olds ass lol

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