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messages to bubaloo:
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from lissacakes :
Once in awhile. I don't know why. Mostly jukebox-lovesong.blogspot.com these days. It's password protected though. I think I set up one for you but I don't remember it.
from vade--mecum :
Hello!! Thank you so much for reminding me of the girl who used to write things about life and love and all of that good stuff. I think I was in the process of forgetting her. I am back now . . .
from pantypulldwn :
hi ya! remember me? i went on an ice binge and remember when you struggled before with addiction as well, everyday that i chose not to use again is a good day for me. i quit without rehab, by the love of my children and a great man i detoxed at home. sometimes i feel like i'm losing my mind, there are days when i want it more than my next breath. i remember telling you to keep your head up and stay strong, it's so very hard for me to take the same advice. hope all is well, i bet the baby is getting big now.
from vade--mecum :
Happy Father's Day, Bub!!!
from lissacakes :
How's things, Mister?
from lulublu :
Ooooh my little pinnochio has a novia!!
from lissacakes :
I'm paying attention. I don't remember the love letters. Must of written them while I was drunk, but that doesn't make them any less true!!
from miss-k2 :
So glad that you are still alive and kicking. Doing good there Bub. http://losing-control.blogspot.com
from vade--mecum :
When I learn French, I will write you a beautiful and flowly French love letter because you deserve only the best!
from m91879 :
Nice going. I stopped reading when I got drunk agin but you're kinda inspiring me to be a little more...a little less...cool/square...nice work anyway. -Munch
from vade--mecum :
Oooh! How exciting!
from lissacakes :
I just felt like actually moving services was moving on. I'm going to be a stream-lined me. I'm dropping dead weight. I'm mending loose ends. I'm going to be a little different, I feel it. And, yes, please comment at my new home to your heart's content. I'll still be reading you guys and commenting with this silly name that I've come to loathe.
from vade--mecum :
You're amazing -- I just thought you should know that!
from lulublu :
My pinocchio! I'm glad you're writing again...I like knowing you're alive. Just in case your forgot: to get into my entries it's bubaloo, then paul.
from lissacakes :
Bubby! I believe you were bubaloo for id and paul for password. Guess what! I am moving to Baltimore and I gave this hellhole two weeks notice today!
from lulublu :
I love you, glad you're back.
from miss-k2 :
hey how am I suppose to know how you are doing with you being all locked up and all? http://losing-control.blogspot.com
from groovebunny :
bub, i miss you dude!!!! i just wanted to wish you a merry christmas and i hope all is going well for you! *hugs* ~charm
from lissacakes :
Well, I forgive you. About my Damien. I'm getting worn out on him anyway. I need some fresh blood.
from groovebunny :
I'm so glad you're writing again! :)Maybe if you're gigging in December I'll finally be able to make it out to see ya! *hugs*
from lulublu :
Mine is locked so my roomate won't read my freakin' diary....I gave you a password....it's your nickname then your actual name....I don't like locking it either, but shit happens
from lissacakes :
Mine is so I don't lose my job. I don't give a flying fuck about all that other drama.
from vade--mecum :
Awww, bub . . . I'm hurt!! I'm deeply wounded!! I'm crushed. Ok, no I'm not. Many many reasons go into our passwords, and we don't like it either. BTW, yours is your name and your town. (you knwo . . . in case you ever want to read!) I missed you!!
from lulublu :
I thought you loved meeeeee? Now I hear of some other woman stealig my place? RIDICULOUS! hahahah. I'm so proud of you papi. Love to you!
from lulublu :
Are you aliiiiiiive? Don't you miss your amigas? We miss you.
from lissacakes :
Come back.... puh-leez!!!!
from lulublu :
Bubby! How are you querido? Hey, does your username and password for my diary work? I just wanted to make sure....
from vade--mecum :
Bub!! I was in San Diego last week!! I absolutely love love love it to death. I see why you live there!! So how the hell are things? I'm asking because I haven't gotten to read your diary yet, but couldn't wait to note you, so I'll go now and read and I'll know how the hell everything is going. Much love!!
from lulublu :
Me too love, me too.
from lulublu :
Hi love. New template. Now you can see my titles. I've locked it too. sent ya a password. If you didn't get it ask liss or pix....yours will be like theirs.
from lissacakes :
It's been almost two weeks... how are you????
from groovebunny :
Happy birthday sweetness! :) Ooops. Belated.
from dukkha-tanha :
Happy Belated Birthday. =)
from vickithecute :
Happy birthday, hon!!
from lissacakes :
Songs remind you of ME????? Awwwww.... Anyways, that one Counting Crows song reminds me of you. Is it "December" or "Long December"? Hey, it's almost December again. I'm looking forward to my winter depression!
from miss-k2 :
Hard to believe you posted two days in a row. GO YOU! Hope ya'awl get some this weekend.
from dukkha-tanha :
"For probably a whole minute at least". LMAO. You must have women breaking down your door after putting that one out there! =)
from lulublu :
Oh, Mi Paolito. You crack me up.
from lissacakes :
YE-ES! You are back. HELL YEAH! High five! Okay, I'm done. I wanted to convey excitement but may have only embarassed myself.
from vickithecute :
Glad you're back and so glad you're doing well. And yay for ready internet access!
from dukkha-tanha :
Well I'm sure you are not boring per se, it's the non-updating part I was trying to emphasize. Hope to hear more from you now. Welcome back and congrats on 4 1/2 months clean. That is really awesome and if all it does is make you boring then I guess it's a pretty fair trade, ey? =)
from groovebunny :
I'm glad to read you're doing good bub and hope you'll be updating more sweetie! *hugs*
from dukkha-tanha :
Hey it's nice to hear that you're doing well. Haven't heard from Ron at all either. It's just too bad that being clean is turning you into a non-updating bore! ;) Love to hear from you more often. =)
from lissacakes :
Flirting with other people, dancing with them, kissing them, even the potential of kissing them hurts the person that hurt me. New Orleans, Las Vegas, where should I go next?
from vade--mecum :
Hi bub!! I'm glad you're doing so well!
from lulublu :
Hi Bubby! You make me so proud. I can't imagine how hard it all is, but your taking it on with fervor, and HELL YEAH to that. Keep on keeping on my love.... Ps. For Shame America indeed.
from m91879 :
Hey bubba, like your site, similar to mine. Maybe see ya around. -Munch
from vade--mecum :
Hey bub . . . guess who?!?
from lulublu :
my wooden boy is kickin ass...just the way i like it. love you.
from pixie0323 :
Thank you bub. I am glad to be back and I am so happy for you that you are back on track. You know what always helps me when I'm feeling really crappy? Giving myself a project. Even if it's just cleaning the house or something stupid like that. Something that will let you see that you've attained a goal. And aside from trying to make myself feel better with mundane tasks, going to therapy helped me see some of the projects that I needed to take on within myself and my relationships. So keep going to your meetings for long term stuff and try to do something to keep yourself busy. You can do this! (And just think of how great it will feel to get to 6 months, and then one year!!)
from groovebunny :
Bub so glad to see an update from you!!! I totally miss you and stuff! :) And I'm really, really glad to hear you're doing music again. It's what you're meant to do. {{hugs}}
from pixie0323 :
Seattle is ab fab. Can you believe that I just used the phrase "ab fab"? I will leave it solely for your amusement. My name is Hillary. I thought you knew that!
from pixie0323 :
BUB!!!!! HI!!!!! Hugs, hugs, hugs!!!! (Don't you just love the drama?!!) I'm back!
from lulublu :
I heart you.
from lissacakes :
Paul, you little brat, I know your name. I already have one for you. username, then first name- all lower case.
from groovebunny :
bub, 46 days!!! I am so proud of you Mr! :) I'm glad you checked in as well. Loads of us have been missing you. {{hugs}}
from lulublu :
I'm so proud of you my wooden boy! I love ya! p.s. You still need to write a song about me....lol
from lulublu :
I miss you. And you miss me. I know these things....
from miss-k2 :
You are sounding wonderful. You know I'm always pulling for you.
from groovebunny :
:) I'm so glad to read you're doing well! And I love. LOVE the title of that last entry. I'm proud of you Mister! *hugs*
from lissacakes :
Yay! I was getting worried. I thought I should write you an email, but obviously I didn't. Just so you know, I'm a lousy friend. BUT, glad to hear all is well.
from groovebunny :
Bub if you're able to read this, just thinking of ya buddy and hope things are going well! *hugs*
from lissacakes :
Luck, luck, luck!
from lulublu :
Thanks for saying I'm awesome...you're not so bad yaself!
from groovebunny :
Bub, I wish you the very best. Do what ya gotta do to make things right in your life. *hugs*
from pixie0323 :
Do what's got to be done and do it well, Bub!
from dukkha-tanha :
Best of luck to you, I hope it works out for you. =)
from miss-k2 :
Good for you on your new love interest. She sounds like a keeper.
from miss-k2 :
Good for you on your new love interest. She sounds like a keeper.
from dukkha-tanha :
Oh yeah, I almost forgot about the pee thing. I keep kidding with him saying it wasn't pee, that I squirted! But, no, it was pee and now it's a big joke between us.
from dukkha-tanha :
Maybe this woman can actually help you get up to a better place in life than bringing you down like that goddamned Alabama (who I'd still like to bump into in a dark empty parking lot, btw). =)
from groovebunny :
:) There's nothing wrong with having someone for companionship. So she's in a different place in her life...perhaps she can help you get to where you want to be in yours. And she has a guitar? She plays? That's really awesome! :)
from pixie0323 :
Uh oh! Do I see a sugar mama on the horizon for Bub?! Just kidding honey -- I'm happy for you!
from lissacakes :
Oh, about them leaving us alone. I suppose they won't until it stops being comedic for them.
from lissacakes :
If you mean the list that says Bub's Favorite Entries, there's some instructions on the FAQ's. If I can figure it out, I'm sure you can! Ugh, I feel the same way, the sweaty body thing. With Rob, it's like the best thing in the whole world, but then he fucks it up and I feel like such a blind idiot.
from groovebunny :
Okay how you link to posts, type <a href =typelink toposthere>Subject</a>. Just take out the spaces between the href and =. Check it out. <a href=http://bubaloo.diaryland.com/050517_46.html>Bub's Old Post</a> Hopefully that will work!
from groovebunny :
Bub! Thanks for your comment about my friend. And I love you too!!! You're so right in that we never know what the next day brings. Gotta show the love while we can. :) And congrats to your friend Ana on 20 years! *hugs*
from lissacakes :
Ewwwww... I hate Vegas. I don't know why, when most people love Vegas. Feel free to venture any guesses. I am so excited, too. I feel so light and expectant! Yay, yay, yay!!! I might just have to get a gold membership again, huh? No, I don't think that'll happen. Maybe I will post pictures on that myspace thingy that I NEVER use and tell you guys to go and look at them.
from anniewaits18 :
you know, i never knew people left notes in my guestbook until i checked it last night. [and i rarely leave notes for people as well] people have read that entry, have messaged me and said 'oh my god, i'm dying, that shit is funny'...it is kind of funny [once my blood pressure goes down after having to talk to him] and i will suffer for the sake of comedy. hope all is well.
from iluvtunes :
Why did I move back to Vegas?? $$$$$$$!!
from lissacakes :
Why would I kill you for that? My favorite part of that song - I took up croquet today. I love some of the out-there things that they say. Such as the "blisters on my lips" part of Girl Anachronism. I cheer to myself in my living room.
from lissacakes :
Why would I kill you for that? My favorite part of that song - I took up croquet today. I love some of the out-there things that they say. Such as the "blisters on my lips" part of Girl Anachronism. I cheer to myself in my living room.
from dukkha-tanha :
She's like poison to you, man, POISON! Like the song, "that girl is poison...". I can do song lyrics too. Just not as good as you. =)
from miss-k2 :
glad to see you back with us.
from groovebunny :
Yay for summer! It's such a beautiful day here I can't stand to stay inside. And thanks for the very nice comment you left on my site regarding my friend. *hugs* buddy. :)
from pixie0323 :
I'm hoping that that's a good thing!! Yes, I'm still going. In fact I have been wrestling with myself to call tomorrow and make an appointment. But now I will. Promise. The crappy thing is that I can't go as often as I'd like to because they're so booked (it's the school counseling center) and I get to thinking that I don't really need to go anymore. But the point of all of this was to get better and stay better, not to keep going on the rollercoaster. So, I will call tomorrow. It's good but it's a constant struggle.
from pixie0323 :
I'm so proud of you!!!
from groovebunny :
Okay back for more. Your comment on Ryan. Last night I was going through some mp3s on my puter. I came across a few I didn't reconize titles on and didn't remember downloading. I took a listen and was struck by insanely beautiful and insightful lyrics. Guess who the writer was. Go ahead guess! Don't go breaking and throwing away any of your pencils anytime soon or I'll have to have pencils surgically attached to your fingers. :)
from groovebunny :
Yamagata! lol Thanks for reminding me I need to check out her tour dates. Also...Ryan Adams stuff is addicting. Sorry I've been awol all week. Must read to get caught up!
from dukkha-tanha :
I'd love to know what the first day of summer is like in SD. High 80's? You sound so...alive. =)
from lissacakes :
Well... now I will buy the CD. I haven't liked anything I've heard, but I haven't heard much. But if Rachael is on it, it must be gorgeous.
from iwantmangos :
It was a brilliant review. And I love that song. And Ryan Adams is amazing. And I never told you but I saw him live in April and he talked to me, so we're like best friends.
from andreeb :
Hi Bub! Love your layout :)
from groovebunny :
So here's me getting caught up on your entries. I'm so glad you're feeling better! Noticing and wondering about certain persons of the opposite sex is certainly a great sign! :) I'm glad you got a chance to vist with your mom on Mother's Day. I'm sure she knew you where there. And you rock! Thanks for all your help on blogshares. I'm totally addicted now! lol
from onandso-on :
in deed you just might be getting better, bub. Dude thanks so much for talking and being understanding yesterday. you are truly a kind heart. (ok I want to write a bunch of mushy youo are a true friend stuff here but I wont) I am lucky to have you in my life though. see ya on Tuesday.
from pixie0323 :
I'm here bub. Just haven't had a whole lot to write about lately. All my entries are the same. I think it's so cute that the girl might like you! Do you like her? You should ask her out!!! Yeah, do it! Do it! Or at least flirt a little bit and just see if she likes you!
from dukkha-tanha :
I sent the password to your gmail address. =)
from dukkha-tanha :
Your link is broken! Replace this: <A HREF="<A HREF="http://movies.yahoo.com/shop?d=hv&cf=info&id=1808655450&intl=us"> The Man Who Copied</A>" with this: <A HREF="http://movies.yahoo.com/shop?d=hv&cf=info&id=1808655450&intl=us"> The Man Who Copied</A> and it'll work. =)
from pixie0323 :
I am so happy that things are starting to look up for you. Maybe going to the meetings again would be good. It seems like you really liked it last time you went and that it was helping to go. Well, it's all about the simple pleasures of life, right? So just enjoy the great things that are happening (just as you always do!) and keep swinging. As always, thanks for all the love!
from groovebunny :
Oh bub dear. There is nothing wrong with you. Your parents chose you from all others. In my situation, I was suppose to be a boy. Well I turned out to be me, a girl, so to my mom, I was the one she didn't want. Maybe that's not entirely true but that's how it felt for the majority of my life. Does it matter if we're adopted or not? Because after all, we adopt people all our lives to give love to and to receive love from. Whether it's people we meet in real life, or people we connect with on the net, it's all the same right? And you are so much loved more than you know. *hugs*
from lulublu :
I'm proud of you....and as usual, i love you....it's kookykikistrikesagain....
from groovebunny :
Bub, it breaks my heart you've been so down. I'm glad to read at least that things are finally coming around. it takes time. It always does. Reality is a bitch sometimes, but it's a bitch we all need. *hugs*
from lissacakes :
Actually, you lucked out. A red satiny bra and white, cotton little girl type underwear. Any other night... I would have told you - THE SAME GREEN T-SHIRT I WEAR EVERY NIGHT.
from lissacakes :
I drink well whiskey. I'm such a scuzz. It's because I absolutely freaking beyond a shadow of a doubt LOVE LOVE LOVE whiskey sours. As far as your sexual frankness - I read that at work and immediately cleaned out my internet history for fear of being fired for reading porn on company time!
from lissacakes :
I've been thinking about what to write in that email I'll eventually send your way. With a few days, I'll have more perspective and hopefully not ramble on and on and on...
from lulublu :
Your sexual frankness is amazing. Miss u pinnochio....
from pixie0323 :
That has got to be one of my favorite Ryan Adams songs ever.
from lissacakes :
Thanks for the note about the selfish cocksucker, Bub. I don't have stats anymore, so I don't know if you've been around, but you haven't missed much. Everytime I see what you wrote about me on your profile, I think that anyone who goes over to me from there is gonna think WHAT THE F@$#???
from groovebunny :
Good to see you back bub! :) About that pain in your chest. That worries me. Have you had it looked at? Is is one that can't be fixed with medicine. Hang in there k? Things always get better. And yes, thank God for sending us little angels when we need them.
from lulublu :
Woohooo! finally, the romantic getaway to Seattle I was hoping for! LOL.....love ya bubs~
from pixie0323 :
Hi bub! I'm glad you're back.
from miss-k2 :
Are you ok dear? Worried about you.
from groovebunny :
Bub...where are you? I hope everything is going well. Let us know you're okay doll.
from pixie0323 :
So happy to have amused you, bub! Ok, so what is going on? What's up? Why are you not writing? WRITE! (Or don't and it's ok!) :)
from groovebunny :
{{hugs}} glad to hear you'll be coming back soon. :)
from lissacakes :
I love that new song called "Finding out that True Love is Blind," by Louis the XIV. Have you heard it?
from lissacakes :
I really liked the 3/21 entry. It makes me think of the only good part of this one book (July, July). When you pop in again, we'll have to start thinking of summer songs to get us all worked up for the change in climate.
from lulublu :
Do you hate me? Where did the magic go?
from pixie0323 :
That was just the sweetest thing ever. Thank you!
from weirdaunt :
I'm worried about you too. Please take care of yourself.
from pixie0323 :
Thanks bub. We missed you at the party. There was no one to swing from the chandelier or fall down the stairs! So glad you're back! :)
from groovebunny :
So very glad to see your update bub. I'm sure I'm not the only one whose missed you. Get some help please. I worry about you buddy. *hugs*
from pixie0323 :
Ditto.
from lissacakes :
I missed you.
from lulublu :
Soooo, what? Do I not exist to you anymore? I mean, I thought we had something....LOL
from groovebunny :
bub! isn't this the time of year we get all blue and icky? spring is just around the corner, as is summer. *hugs*
from pixie0323 :
Did you see the Amelie-esque pic on my profile page? I had to replace my template Amelie with another Amelie just for you bub! Thanks for the support on the Ray thing. He's really not a bad guy though. That's what sucks. If he had been mean to me I could hate him and I don't think I could hate him. I'm just confused by men in general. Obviously. But that's probably not a big shock to you since you've been reading my men problems for a year and a half now. yikes. Ok, well I hope everything is starting to look up for you. Chin up.
from lissacakes :
let's make it about music, okay? or sounds of some sort. just as long as we don't try to make it about other people. that's where you get into trouble.
from lulublu :
Dish coward! LOL! Hugs bub!
from pixie0323 :
Thanks bub. Yes, I was pretty sure that you didn't really care what color plate your food came on, just as long as it arrived. Glad to see you back. Did you listen to the new Edwards yet?
from lissacakes :
Why, thank you. I sense the songs are coming over there. Maybe not there yet, but coming. Is the weather better? I'm looking forward to sunshine. The high is 82, today, and suddenly I feel quite a bit better.
from lissacakes :
Hello, Bub. Hello. Hello. Hello. I'm out of things to say.
from pixie0323 :
Ha! You said it to me, and I didn't believe you at the time, but now I get to say it to you and you'd better believe it too!! Something good will come along to snap you out of this!!! And no creative energy is ever wasted because you have to practice to be creative and whatever creative energy you put out will come back to you. Believe it. Even when I was miserable, you said that to me and I didn't believe it, but I WANTED to believe it and it helped get me through.
from groovebunny :
Good to see an update Bub! And I know what you mean about the creative juices. Sometimes it's hard to keep both going. I'm totally drained as far as writing goes right now. If each one of my entries could just be a huge ass "X" that would be fine with me. I'll write you some email soon! *hugs*
from dukkha-tanha :
Hello? Is there anybody in there? Just nod if you can hear me. Is there anyone home?
from pixie0323 :
I get worried when you don't write for a few days -- it usually means you're up to no good!
from pixie0323 :
Bub, we'll at least buy you a nice pullout couch!! And perhaps since you're our pretty little pet and favorite boy mascot, the three of us can pull together and give you an allowance or something.
from lissacakes :
Wehelll... I'm not going to say dump Alabama, because it's just not that easy. Obviously, we all think you deserve better, but what one deserves seems to have so little to do with anything.
from lissacakes :
No, if you want to pick up men with us... :)
from lulublu :
Hello love! I've just caught up on your last few entries....Leave AL the fuck alone sweetie! you're a better man than that trash, you just don't realize it. We 3 amigas are in agreement on this one. The Counsel has spoken. LOL......it cracked me up that you said i'd need an exorcism. Love you!
from lissacakes :
Ah, like we wouldn't have her carousing for men with us? By us, I mean me and Lulu, not me and what's his face.
from lissacakes :
Pixie's roommate? You think YOU are Pixie's roommate? Oh, my friend, you are SORELY mistaken!!!
from groovebunny :
Jeff? I was reading down that list and noticed a Jeff? I'm so sorry bub. Alabama sucks monkey balls for treating you the way she has. Maybe it's time to just cut all ties with her? I don't know. I know it would kill you not to be able to see James. That MJ reference was very cool by the way.
from dukkha-tanha :
FIrst of all, I got the Michael Jackson reference. Great tune. And second, you so don't deserve that from Alabama. That's bullshit, hon. Nobody deserves that. She's a piece of work, ey? (Does she have a blog? THAT would be a fun read). I don't know if I'm one of the 3 amigas that was just mentioned (spacey me can't remember which one of your girls just wrote that), but if I'm not then make it 4. I'm so sorry you got treated like that. Who the fuck is Jeff, btw?????
from pixie0323 :
Go. Live on your own downtown. Make Alabama sweat it out. Arrange a visitation schedule for James if you have to. She is not good for you, bub. And always remember that you have 3 Amigas, spread about the country, who love you very much.
from miss-k2 :
My mood changes with every song on the radio. I thought I was the only one.
from pixie0323 :
I'm so glad you like it bub!
from lulublu :
HAHAHAHAH! I love you Bubs! Lord knows why, but i do! LOL....
from dukkha-tanha :
Hey jumping from the frying pan into the fire is supposed to be with me, remember! Geez. That's stinky about the living situation. Real stinky but maybe living at Alabama's would be wicked stinky. Stinkier than James' diaper. I'm just saying. Loved your comment last night by the way. ;p
from groovebunny :
Bub, checking to say hey. I have comments, but gonna email them to you instead. *hugs*
from dukkha-tanha :
I love drinking on an empty stomach, for exactly the reasons you listed. However, it's killing me today. My dad is here, the recovering alcoholic, laughing at me. That's okay cuz I got him back by saying I drove home last night. You should have seen the look on his face. Priceless. You should see me right now. Beauteous. But I clean up good. Anyway. Again, I'm glad you're in working order again. And you're right about Alabama, it's not you. She's fucked. I will hold you when you need it. If only my arms were long enough. Okay, now I go to puke or sleep or something. Thanks for your comments. I put my methadone away again. ;)
from miss-k2 :
Sorry about Alabama. Hope you find someone who will treat you better. Dang women.
from dukkha-tanha :
You crack me up. Glad to hear you're in working order again (???). Forward only car. Funny. I'd never get out of my driveway with one of those. Sheesh! TTYL! ;)
from onandso-on :
Oh I forgot, Party Poker.. You should always win there, because you are best friends the guy who is marring the party poker girl. YA FOR ME.
from onandso-on :
Fuck dude, I am cracking up reading about the forward only car; that is some funny shit. Look at it like this. You may not have reverse but at least we live in a city where you always have to parallel park. That is some funny shit. Oh by the way thank for reading my little notes. Just been in the mood lately
from lissacakes :
You and me both, my friend. You and me both!
from pixie0323 :
Hi bub. Just thought you might need a hi, or a hello, or a what's-up-pal?, or how's-it-going-ol'-buddy?. That's it. Just wanted to say hi.
from dukkha-tanha :
Look. NE does NOT need to share, okay? We had it shitty in football and baseball for a very long time. We are merely reaping the benefits of our suffering. I doubt the Sox will do it again next year, but I know the Pats will do it again. Miss ya, pal! =)
from pixie0323 :
Did you see that the new Kathleen Edwards is coming out on March 1st!!!? yay!
from vickithecute :
All is forgiven. Speaking of "bubba", I'm that way with my son's name. NO-ONE is allowed to call him "Benny". To me, Benny is a pimp or a bookie or pawn shop type guy...it just SOUNDS slimy..no offense to any Benny's out there, I'm sure you're all decent guys....
from vickithecute :
i i i i i i i i i i i i !!!!!!! No y no e just a little bitty i!!!!!! ::takes a deep calming breath:: Bub....you have committed the cardinal sin of spelling my name wrong.
from groovebunny :
Heya bub, are you writing music right now? If not, might it be a good time to? I can't think of a better way to work out those things you're running from. The drugs, sex and gambling, those are temporary fixes and the high disappears faster than an ice-cream cone in my hand (think I can't devour an ice-cream cone in one bite???). Creating something out of what you're feeling, that's a high that can last the rest of your life. *hugs*
from lissacakes :
I agree with your comment. Send some over this way, will ya?
from pixie0323 :
Thanks bub! That's so sweet!
from dukkha-tanha :
"grief, remorse, guilt"--Oh yeah, spoken like someone who was raised Catholic. I really enjoyed that entry. I didn't realize you were such a pro. You sold me. I know someone up in NH that's in the process of buying their own business. They'll need to advertise. What can you offer? You know how to get in touch. =)
from dukkha-tanha :
HA! I took that quiz. I'm 26. Still younger!!!!!
from dukkha-tanha :
Join the fucked up club. If you think you are being some kind of trendsetter in this area, you are sadly mistaken. I'm the vice president (you are the president, ONLY on account of the fact that you are slightly older than me). My dad is CEO, and my ex is VP in charge of harassment. My husband heads the special ed group for marraige addicts. I think Alabama heads up the redneck sector. Anyway, thank you for leaving me that comment last night. Now I can put the methadone away, but did you know, it's pretty good stuff? Better than heroin. Not better than my bub fix, though. So I assume you are back in regular order? =)
from dukkha-tanha :
I understand you've had a tough week. I'm sorry that she is messing with your head. You know that when you are ready to have fun again, I'll be here, okay? And as far as no one liking you for you...well, I think it can happen. Look at all of us who read the real, raw you and and actually care about you. But it's something you have to accept yourself. I used to feel like that about myself, but after a few years of soul searching, I learned otherwise. Even if I am still a basketcase sometimes. If things were different I would have it so that you wouldn't think about her ever again. But, well, you know how much would have to be different, thousands of miles, the whole married thang, etc...Anyway, here's hoping things'll look up for you again. And I'll be here when you're ready to get up to no good on that IM thing! =)
from groovebunny :
Oh sweetie I'm sorry. Alabama really needs help. She's a walking time bomb. And I'm really sorry she's spent the last few years hurting you. You don't deserve that and you deserve to be happy. *hugs* I love you much my friend.
from anniewaits18 :
this might mean anything to you, but i rarely leave notes. and when i do leave notes, it is because i felt compelled to say something. and what i want to say to you is: you have one of the best diaries around. bitingly honest and real. don't let that go. wow, i sound so....much like an academy award speech..but i meant it.
from groovebunny :
Oh bub. I am so, so very sorry. {{hugs}}
from lissacakes :
Oh, bubby. Hang in there. How're you doing?
from dukkha-tanha :
Well. No bub fix tonight. I'm going for methadone. Hope you are okay. Are you? I'm here if you need an ear, or words of wisdom, or whatever. =)
from miss-k2 :
life is tougher on some. So sorry about your loss.
from captvfirefly :
I'm so sorry, Bub. No judgments here, just support. ((HUGS))
from pixie0323 :
I'm so sorry, Bub. Let yourself grieve and just be there for Alabama because you'll be able to support each other in amazing ways right now. You're a strong man and you'll get through this.
from lissacakes :
It is YOUR diary. I respect you for writing that. How hard. I can't imagine.
from dukkha-tanha :
=( Don't beat yourself up, bub. Everything happens for a reason. I've done it myself. Of course I was young...but I've never regretted it. That kid (mine) never would have had a chance. And can her dad really take on another kid, because you know her track record. Time will ease the pain. Go get a 40 and then come on here and talk to me. And stop listening to Brick. Sheesh. That song makes me cry to the point of suicide. Try PJ's "Black". =)
from vickithecute :
Hey, I just had to lock my diary (temporarily, I hope) bcs a coworker of mine got access to it. It's still open to all dlanders though...the user name is vicki and the password is cute
from dukkha-tanha :
Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuub! Buuuuub! Where are you????? (Okay now it's my turn).
from lissacakes :
I think it was more like what she was not wearing in her last entry. I don't know how to link off the top of my head but it's in the FAQ's. Alas, only the lucky few get to read her, so a link would only tease your other readers.
from dukkha-tanha :
My goodness, where's my comment? If I don't get my comment, I'll die. =)
from miss-k2 :
Dearest bub, you are in no way a creep. Sorry I don't leave more notes for you honey it just sometimes I have nothing to say.
from onandso-on :
Dude you are such a good writer. Reading your entrys is truly a hilight of my life, and that is no joke. oh yah just one thing, what coler are the pantys you have on?
from captvfirefly :
Bub, you write what you want to write. Personally, I feel that a diary/journal is for exactly what you're writing about. It's not a show, it's you documenting your thoughts and feelings and experiences. All those other "perfect" diarists you're talking about aren't writing for themselves, they're doing it for show. I'm not saying that their political rants and whatnot aren't valuable, but honestly it doesn't tell me jack shit about who they are as a person. I think those of us who put out the good, the bad, and the ugly about ourselves are just fine out here in cyberspace. You're writing for YOU, and that's what counts. Don't change a damn bit, ok?
from dukkha-tanha :
Argh. I went to bed early last night. I've been doing that the past few nights. That's what I get for smoking the kind again (who am I kidding, it's SHITE, it's not the kind, it's crappy shite from Mexico, not that rockin' Canadian kind). And I'm not happy that I missed you. Dammit. Oh, and your diary is awesome. Nice and raw. Keep it like that. That's why I liked it in the first place. Even though I'd love to hear your left wing ramblings. Give me more ammo for my "discussions" with my dad. And I remember the days when punkers got beat up. There was one guy in school who was a punk and was so hot, he turned me on to punk guys. And then it got all...trendy and shit. Anyway, hope to chat with you soon, Mr. 40!!! =)
from pixie0323 :
So sorry bub! I'll try to curtail that for a bit and start playing with sticks and mud and climbing trees, ok? :)
from groovebunny :
Sweetie, I'm gonna say this cause I love you k? And this isn't a judgement or anything, just thinking out loud. Maybe all the extra on-line fun does hurt you and you don't even realize it. Hard lesson learned for me this past year, it made me numb to the relationships I should have been paying attention to. You wrote that you are able to seperate sex from love, but if you're feeling guilty about it, then is that truly the man you really are? I don't think so. Maybe it's time you and Alabama get some serious help, and get it together. As for your diary, write what you want. It's your space. Frankly, I can't read 99.9% of the stuff out there. There's no honesty...it's all for show. People hiding behind whatever perfect world they've weaved for themselves through words. You keep it real and that's why I love you. *hugs*
from vickithecute :
25 degrees AND SNOWING - at least within the past 24 hours. Hmph!
from lissacakes :
Are you listening to Social Distortion by any chance? I think I hear Mike Ness singing about being beat up by the high school football team.
from vickithecute :
Hey, don't stress yourself by comparing your blog or diary or whatever the hip happening word is these days to all the other ones out there and then trying to judge yourself based on that. You're unique, your blog is unique and that's why I (and many others) like reading it. Embrace the specialness that is you!! (umm....did that sound too Tony Robbins-like? Sorry about that....)
from lissacakes :
Aw, your comment made me all teary-eyed. I saw it last night, but had nothing suiting to say. I luv ya! I'm reeling from all of the shared favorites between you and I according your new/improved profile. I think my favorite Bukowski poem ends... but the train will arrive and the beer is okay. I don't have it on my profile for probably the same reason you didn't for so long. OH, and also because I am a stupid blond little somewhat innocent girl who has no place pretending she "gets" that stuff.
from pixie0323 :
Ok. I feel so dumb. of course you got in. you left me a note pertaining to my entries. Geez. It's the blond talking. I can't help it.
from pixie0323 :
Did you get in? I hope you got in. I'm sure you probably did. Anyhow, I know exactly how you feel. I slept with someone else while I was dating my first boyfriend, and I felt like shit. Not even because I had cheated on him, but because I had given that to someone else. Does that make sense? But you're right in that in the end it doesn't really matter. Shit happens and people screw up and you definitely learned something from that. I can tell that you did because you have a different tone. It's going to be alright bub.
from dukkha-tanha :
Okay. A few things. First off that new comment on your profile, oh yeah. I agree. Especially after reading about you and Alabama. But that doesn't stop me from being a sicko either. And I'll still insist on that diversion thing. Not gonna take no for an answer. Sorry. =)
from lissacakes :
Bubs, I don't think she's locked us out. I think that her passwords haven't "regenerated." Maybe she has to reset them??? Have you always had Vonnegut on your profile? Yum. I love this part in I think it's Breakfast of Champions where he says that man tortured circles until they coughed up their one and only secret... then he leaves a few spaces... then he writes in the symbol for pi.
from lissacakes :
LUST FOR LIFE! I fucking love that song! Is it time for summer music again already? Well, I was out in the sun hiking for THREE hours today, and I feel it. I was listening to some 311 on the way back because it seemed suiting.
from dukkha-tanha :
Um, yeah, and about how Mom would slam down a 12 pack and get absolutely shitfaced because there's nothing better to do in this kind of weather. =)
from lulublu :
oh, my, my, and my, again.
from dukkha-tanha :
Have fun, you deserve it. I know what you deserve MORE, though. ;p
from pixie0323 :
Yeah, I don't know what's going on. i'm toying with the idea of unlocking it because of all this, but the past few days I've written some not-so-nice things about people and I don't want to delete them. I would love for other random people to be able to read my diary, but it's going to have to wait a few more months until I move. So I'll have to regroup and figure something out if it's not better in a day or two.
from dukkha-tanha :
Going to dig up my "Trainspotting" soundtrack now....
from dukkha-tanha :
How about "fuck a duck"? Or this one: "fuck you you fucking fuck". I'm also partial to "fuckhead". And the good old, "fuckin' A". Don't forget "what the fuck". I love the word fuck. Sorry to hear you are in that mean scary mood. If I was there, I'd have a big fight with you about nothing just so you could get it all out of your system. Then do that whole make up FUCK. Maybe, if you weren't up so damn late at night, you'd be in a better mood. ;) I'm one to talk, ey? Anyway, hope you feel better soon. And, hey--FUCK YOU!!! =)
from groovebunny :
Doncha just love retarded co-workers? lol Great letter to the office slackers!
from dukkha-tanha :
Oh no, hon, you have NOT been replaced. At all. You have no idea. I just don't want to interfere on you and Alabama...or whatever. I still love to chat with you every chance I can get. It's so much fun. I miss you when we don't and I definitely notice when you don't leave me comments in my diary. I love my bub fix. And I probably just gave you way more information than I should have and I'm sorry if that scares you off but if you were out here near me you'd cause a lot of damage to my life. Good damage, I mean. Really good damage. And that's enough info for the notes section. Talk to you soon?
from groovebunny :
Awww! You got your own little gbunny! Yay! Tres cute and yes love her and pet her and feed her lots of Ding Dongs (Hostess) cause she loves them Ding Dongs. :) As for Alabama. Remember we had that that soul mate talk awhile back. Maybe she's just it. You've been through a lot together. You understand her and she understands you. Maybe she's the one. :)
from pixie0323 :
Ok bub. This has to be said. It really freaks me out that you and my ex have the same name, come from the same town, and I'm sure probably hung out with the same crowd/same type of crowd. Plus the attraction to Vegas, etc. If I didn't know that you'd been in San Diego and if I hadn't heard your voice on the audioblog, I would totally think that you might be him. But I actually like you -- so there's the main difference. It's just like when I read your entries about growing up or whatever, it's like listening to his stories about growing up. Very odd. Or is everyone in San Diego a clone of you? (Although you'll always be the coolest!)
from dukkha-tanha :
Well, I hope we can still be friends. =)
from groovebunny :
Perhaps it's time to sit Alabama down and get her into some counseling?
from lissacakes :
You have a few times, and I always appreciate it coming from you. Some people no, but you, yes.
from miss-k2 :
I knew you were a winner. Dang if I can catch a break.
from dukkha-tanha :
Going through withdrawals, no Bub fix. =( Sad face again. Must have been a great weekend! Miss you.
from weirdaunt :
I'm afraid we got are morals at the same place. MEOW!
from groovebunny :
hehe at lulublu. Her comment reminded me of one of my newest fave sites to read! And check you out Mr. High Roller even! Way to work that casino. :) If Alabama is who you really want there with you, I hope she does pull through. I know what it's like to want something and it not pan out cause the other person is a complete fruitcake who should have his p*nis cut off! Ooops! Sorry. That's my story and it shouldn't be here. lol Okay...and yes you know I welcome any pre-dating photos you want to send me. I believe I've already seen Lakeside though. And yes East Coast girl is a beaut! Okay...what else. Happy Friday and 3 day weekend and stuff! :) *hugs*
from dukkha-tanha :
Secret East Coast girl is in the same boat as you, she told me. Maybe a match made in heaven? ;) Often says the same prayer, except switch the thing about the sperm to eggs. And, uh, you lame? I think not my friend. There can be no way. I wonder if Secret East Coast girl gets jealous of Lakeside woman? I think she might just a tad, but probably hopes you get laid (WELL) this weekend no matter what (or who), even though she will miss talking to you, because she told me that she will only be on maybe tonight as she is going to a party Saturday night. Keep her "in mind", as she does the same about you. Like she did last night. And, boy, that conscience of her's sure did become real quiet. ;p Miss ya!
from lulublu :
lol. you're gonna get smited (smote?) one of these days....i've missed you!
from dukkha-tanha :
Oh! So happy to have my bub fix. And, yes, certainly, it should be with someone like you. You have no idea. I haven't ruled it out, as you may have picked up on from my post. Maybe I'll be on tonight, maybe, but with a bunch of beer, 2 pins and a half a perc in me right now, I might not be long for this night. That's not all I want it me, though. ;P Miss ya, hope to chat soon! =)
from dukkha-tanha :
Hm. Two entries and no comment from bub. I am having withdrawals. That is my favorite part of my morning. I'm sad. =( Look at that sad face. I'm going to have to go pout now. And to think I guessed Nirvana first. And that's the thanks I get! I thought I was getting points. I really did. Okay, I'm going to pout like the spoiled brat that I am. (Just kidding. I miss ya!!!) =)
from groovebunny :
Here's to stoicness! Unlike my mom, I don't have a stoic bone in my body. Any chance you can get a picture of yourself in a Stoic Bub the Viking outfit? Post it! Would be tres fly! :)
from pixie0323 :
Come on bub! Once upon a time there was this band named Nirvana, and they had this song called "Dumb," which despite it's name was not dumb. We love Nirvana. Love Nirvana, Courtney Love, are we seeing a connection? Ok, now I'm just rambling. Trying to get points because I was beaten to it.
from dukkha-tanha :
NIRVANA. Dude. Are you on? I am. I'm just hiding.
from groovebunny :
I actually watched my first football game in 3 years! And really? Watching it reminded me that I do love the game. Even if we lost...it was a good fight. Except those last offensive plays toward the goal, they should have played that more aggressive and gotten the kicker closer to the goal. I was disappointed watching them just inching their way...the writing was on the wall just about then.
from dukkha-tanha :
I so know what you mean, New England was like that for so long...well, when the pats sucked we had the celtics and the bruins at least, and the sox FINALLY won this year, so I know where your coming from. And I lived in Western NY for some of the time that the Bills were in the Superbowl, with their fantabulous losing streak...=)
from irishblueyes :
Thanks for joining the Ryan Adams ring. I see in your profile that you like U2, I also run a Bono ring if you're interested! Peace!
from pixie0323 :
You crack me up, bub!
from dukkha-tanha :
You're funny. It's snowing like a bastard here, looks like I'll be alone tonight. =( In case you're not otherwise occupied. Otherwise, I'm just going to sit here and drink and listen to my new Skynyrd CD. All by my lonesome. ;p
from miss-k2 :
mushrooms are my drug of choice, of course I cannot do psychedelic drugs anymore due to the insanity thing. Dammit. But way back in the 70's I was flying.
from groovebunny :
I've never done speed or coke. But I don't want to say I don't know what you're talking about cause there are other things in life that can be drugs too. Hang in there sweetie. You've been so hot and heavy with Alabama lately, maybe you just need a little alone time. If you're too tired for sex, you must need the rest! lol *hugs*
from dukkha-tanha :
Oh how true that is, my friend. You have no idea!;P As far as speed and coke, I dabbled in coke only like five times years ago, and never speed. I don't like going fast. Had I ever tried heroin (and I was way tempted when my junkie friends started), that'd have been right up my alley. Make sure to check your yahoo IM, I replied where I missed ya last night =( It's snowing!!!!!
from miss-k2 :
Any year I can manage to stay out of mental instutions is a good year for me. Hope 2005 tops your best year. Make it happen son. We, in the peanut gallery, will be cheering you on.
from dukkha-tanha :
I think there's a Skynyrd song called "Tuesday's Gone" too. Tuesday is also a good 60's name for a girl too. I'm also partial to the phrase "C-U-Next-Tuesday". I could go on forever. Life can suck but I will always have my 13 year old sense of humor! Oh...my goodness, it seems as though we're expecting a WHOLE BUNCH of snow tonight. Whatever shall I do with my old man gone for 24 hours? Hmmmm.....
from iwantmangos :
maybe you should read tuesdays with maurie.
from lissacakes :
O, Bub. Sheryl Crow. Closer and closer.
from pixie0323 :
See? I know. I think I might have actually found a nice guy. Now if we were both ready to be in a relationship . . . fabulous. But never going to happen. Oh, and I didn't mean that 55 wasn't too old. It's a little too old, but not old. You see? And you're not old, bub. Just be careful around stairs and next Christmas Lissa and I will chip in for a Life Alert for you to wear around your neck just in case! Just kidding! You know I love you. Really though, my friend married a 22 year old woman when he was 40. How's that? See? You should go after the young ones. I'd say they have fewer problems, but look who's talking here! Ok, I'll shut up now.
from rhidundantx2 :
Thank you for adding me! As soon as I wipe the bleary from my eyes...I will delve into your journal...oh and John Irving too, eh? Triple points!
from groovebunny :
Bub, you know I love you. But please...don't even get mixed up in that opium shit. If anything, think of how it felt for little James to be crawling all over you in the morning. Surely that was better than the opium high...and I think you can see where I'm going with this. I'm not pretending I don't have my own issues, but the sound of opium scares the hell out of me. I'd hate to see you get hooked on that. I'm picturing shady opiums dens, where people have sex for opium and have no idea who they're having sex with. Maybe I watch too many movies and am influenced by them, but...James.
from pixie0323 :
Yeah, we'll see about all of these things! :) Glad you had a good New Year's! I'm sure you feel awesome about James! That's the best feeling on earth when little babies start to recognize you and smile and get excited to see you!
from dukkha-tanha :
Sex on opium is, "good"? That's it? I only tried the smokable form once too, and wasn't impressed. Surprising, because it's right up my alley. I like stuff that makes you become one with a chair. That's great about James. Little baby boys are the best. Have a good day at work! =)
from melissima :
Okay, more are up now.
from dukkha-tanha :
it's ok, you're going to see what a stupid head i am. I've got issues, man.
from groovebunny :
Hmmm Alabama wants to get married. Maybe if you can persuade her to get into counseling...? Maybe marriage would be the thing to get her to clean up her act? I'm sorry too you've been feeling down. It's the whole disturbance in the force lately, with the earthquake, huge amounts of lives lost, seemingly never ending rain, snow where it's not supposed to snow. Weird times my friend. Also, I was feeling like complete shit until I read Uncle Bob's diary today. It ends on a really gruesome note. Disgusting and sick really. But it helped put things into perspective for me and had me asking myself, what the hell was I being such a cry baby for when there are people who won't even see the new year come in, and in the majority of instances, complete families have been wiped out in a blink of an eye. If you head over there to read, just don't go into his comments cause there are bunch of sick fuckers who are sick commenting there. Anyways...didn't mean to get so serious there lovie. I really meant to come by and just wish my favorite dlander a Happy New Year. I love you Bub! :)
from lissacakes :
Oh, yes, I forgot. I like any downtown that actually has life and people. I live downtown in my city, and it's dead after 5PM, but it's slowly getting better- I guess.
from dukkha-tanha :
Really good weed can make for some incredible sex for me. And, hey, how come you won't marry her? 3rd time is a charm...at least that's what my old man says. Happy New Year!
from lissacakes :
Last time I was downtown was '99 and I saw a big difference between then and now. I don't remember quite so many chain restaurants and quite so much yuppiness. Though I do like Urban Outfitters, so what does that say about me?
from pixie0323 :
HA! I just had to crack up with hysterical laughter at your note! Haha! I can just picture you saying that!
from pixie0323 :
Oh man. I was going to write some sort or Ryan Adams lyrics for you and I just can't seem to get the right ones. How about all of them?! Anyways, you just do what feels right in your heart. And you know what's right, it's just the pain of doing what's right that sucks. You and Alabama have a connection that runs very deep between energies in each of you. There's hardly a way to explain it. But Alabama is bad for you too, so you have to take that into consideration. You're doing a good thing by following your heart but protecting yourself at the same time. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that. I'm sorry you feel down today and lately. It's something in the air, I think. The stupid holdiay air. It's almost over. Just hang on. Many many hugs to you!
from groovebunny :
Oh bub. If you keep this kind of stuff up I'm gonna have to start buying stock in Kleenex cause damn! Sweetie. I'm sorry if I got you to really thinking I wouldn't be posting anymore. I just really need time to not post all this crap I'm going through for everyone else to read. Just to protect the innocent, people who don't deserve to be hurt. I'll write you later to let you know what's really going on, k? I just couldn't let this all play out online since a certain someone now reads my blog. I'll explain that as well. Just know I will be back once my feet are steady again. And I love you tons and tons and tons. *hugs* and sweet dreams when you get there too!
from miss-k2 :
even your blah blah entries are heartwarming. love you bub.
from lissacakes :
I feel that way all the time: Why am I doing this? Why am I censoring? Oh Lord, why am I not censoring more? Why did I post that picture? Why didn't I post that other picture if i wanted to do so? I guess I've finally decided that I will let it lie as long as I like, five days, seven, a month, but it will always be there if I want it or need it. Last night, I was trying to figure out when a picture was from. It was of the Hotel Congress in Tucson, Arizona, and I couldn't place it chronologically, and usually I know EXACT DATES of EVERYTHING. And I thought, Oh, I'll just check my diary for when I posted it, or when I wrote about it. Even if I didn't write about something, I can recall what was going on in my life, find that in my diary, and place something in relation to other things. That's why I keep it. The daylogging has mostly worn off, and I write because I need to say something, or because I want to share something with my internet friends. It's weird that in "real life," I'll want to tell someone what you or Pixie said and I'll stumble over your real names, your usernames, whatever. I don't know how to explain it either.
from captvfirefly :
I just wanted to send along some ((HUGS)) to you. People start and stop diaries for different reasons, but the friendships that are made last well beyond the life of the diary. Even without a diary entry, there is still email, chat, etc. When you "meet" someone you connect with, that connection doesn't fade. Here's hoping you have a wonderful 2005!
from pixie0323 :
It makes me sad too. I think I might put it back. I told myself that I needed something new, to signify the fact that I don't feel so lost anymore. But the truth is that today has just been one of the most telling days in a while and now I just feel horrible. So I don't know what to do. My diary's a mess and I don't feel like cleaning it up, which is just about a perfect metaphor for my life. Guess I should write this in my diary instead of your notes page, eh?! :)
from dukkha-tanha :
Glad to hear you had a nice Christmas...I'll be looking for you online soon......;p
from pixie0323 :
Bub, we've made it almost all the way through 2004! It feels good doesn't it? Try not to get too down because New Year's is just around the corner and you can look back and see just how much you've learned this year! It's tough, I know, but you'll get through it! I'm glad you got to see your daughter, that's great!
from pantypulldwn :
thanks sweetness, you nake a girl feel good.
from groovebunny :
Okay now I'm crying because of your song! It's truly beautiful bub and the sound of your voice was like a thousand arrows being shot into my heart. Very touching. Much love for you sweetie! *hugs*
from groovebunny :
Bub sweetie, I know it's been a tough few months. Starting with that incident with that person I shall not name. The year is almost over and with a new year things will be better. Ya know I love you. As do many of your other readers. Chin up and hang in there. My Christmas wish this year is that the entire world will be right for my friend Bub in 2005. Much love and happiness. *hugs*
from dukkha-tanha :
I hope you start feeling better...it's almost over. I was pretty immobile yesterday myself, but that's cuz I was completely wiped out. Hm. I wonder why? Take care, I'll chat with you soon. ;p
from miss-k2 :
dang it bub. hope you toughen up for your kids sake. We all love you and hate it when you fail. Be safe.
from dukkha-tanha :
You are the best. The feeling is mutual. I'm adding the yahoo screen name that's on your profile. You can be my new Yahoo man. I love delusional bad boys such as yourself. =)
from groovebunny :
Heya bub. Hang in there k? The holidays are tough for a lot of people. I felt the blues coming on because I still feel like I need to get used to having a Christmas alone. But there is much to be thankful. Lots of people love you. Don't ever forget that. :)
from pixie0323 :
Thanks bub! I can't wait to tell you guys all about it!
from dukkha-tanha :
Welcome back! Sounds like a vanilla trip all the way around. At least it didn't suck. I love the birth control argument too, it seems as though my husband gets it way more than me, though. Like we didn't figure out the relation between having sex and making babies. Yes, we know that. I don't know about you, but I know that there just are times I haven't really given birth control a heck of alot of thought, adn those times were the ones when that should have been foremost in my mind. Only, I wasn't really being run by that end of my body at the time. You know. And, have I told you lately how much I love your comments? Keep 'em cumming. ;p
from pixie0323 :
I'm glad you're back! I'm also happy that you had a good time (it seemed good, not great) and that you didn't let all the things with Alabama mess up your time with Vegas Girl. So maybe it will just be a fun every-once-in-a-while thing with the two of you. That's ok! The important thing is that you're in one piece emotionally and physically.
from groovebunny :
Alabama? Sex is a drug. But at least if Alabama is back in the picture, I'm glad you didn't back out of Vegas girl. And thanks for the answers! I loved reading about the music.:)
from dukkha-tanha :
Have fun in Vegas, behave yourself! No, I take that back, don't behave cuz that won't be fun! I don't have any questions for you at the moment, but feel free to ask me whatever, since you leave such great comments. HAve fun. TAke good care of your penis. =)
from pixie0323 :
I knew you were up to no good because we hadn't heard from you in a few days! :) Have fun in Vegas, baby!!!
from lulublu :
Movie: Midnight Cowboy Book: Black Boy-Richard Wright Music: Tom Waits 1. What do you believe in? 2. Why do you use? 3. What do you need?
from pixie0323 :
Ok, so I was slacking. Movie: Run Lola Run Song: "Lebanese Blonde" by Thievery Corporation (it was on the Garden State soundtrack and I can't stop listening to it) Imagine hip hop sitar. It's good. Oh, another book is Ham on Rye. You might have already read it because it's Bukowski. But it's seriously just a fucking insane book. Oh, also Car by Harry Crews. Can you tell I'm a Lit. major?! Questions: Who was the first girl you ever kissed and how old were you? Favorite food? Favorite place on earth?
from groovebunny :
Yay! Movie: Midsummer's Night Dream (I love this!) Book: The Namesake: A Novel by Jhumpa Lahiri Music: Genuis Loves Company, Ray Charles Question time! 1. What side of the bed do you sleep on? 2. Do you snore? 3. Of the people you know, who was the biggest musical influence for you? :) *hugs*
from lissacakes :
Movie: Eternal sunshine. Book: Going After Cacciato by Tim O'Brien (what I always suggest to men). Song: I Want to Break Your Heart by Wilco (what I've been listening to on repeat). Q's: I don't know yet. I want to know everything and anything you want to tell me, but I'm bad at questions. Really, really bad. Don't give me the power, Bub! I will abuse it!
from pixie0323 :
I don't have the other things yet, but I have the perfect book for you. It's called Love and Will and was written by Rollo May. It's a little hard to get into because it's theory, but it's a total mindfuck once you make it in.
from pixie0323 :
Your kids know that you love them and that's all that matters!
from dukkha-tanha :
That sucks. I feel for you. My kids "real" dads could care less. Assholes. My kids ain't missing out on much, anyway, but still. At least you care. I'll bet they love you all the same. =)
from miss-k2 :
quit being sad bub or I'll bitch slap you into next week. Ok, I give you a virtual hug instead. We all need one of those.
from pixie0323 :
Thanks bub. And don't worry. Some day you'll have a groupie. I'm just sure of it! ;)
from pixie0323 :
I don't know if I've said it before, but if I have, I'm saying it again. I think that "Bald Headed Jesus" is quite possibly one of the best band names I've ever heard. So kudos on being part of the ex-Bald Headed Jesus. I would have been a groupie. Well, maybe not a groupie exactly, but you know. I would have been a fan. How 'bout that? Bald Headed Jesus. Ah, I love it.
from groovebunny :
Fraud? I've been feeling like that a lot lately and it's eating me up. Even thinking I may need to come totally clean on my blog. Although, that may set a few blogs upside down in the process. Ruin a few lives? Shit. What to do. What to do. Anyways. Miss ya sweetie! *hugs*
from pixie0323 :
Awww . . . cheer up bub. You're not a fraud and you're totally out there and wonderful and you know it. Everything will be ok.
from iwantmangos :
"she walks along the edge of where the ocean meets the sand just like she's walking on a tight rope in a circus"...."And the feeling that it's all a bunch of oysters but no pearl" i think the counting crows right about me...
from pixie0323 :
Damn, I love that song.
from onandso-on :
why do I feel so lost when you dont update Bub? Its one of the very few hilights in my world. write more, please write more.
from lissacakes :
Well, enjoy. I'll probably be dishing up more of the same. Now, why can't it be that hot anonymous sex with strangers becomes me? Something fun.
from groovebunny :
Happy Thanksgiving to you sweetie! :)
from dukkha-tanha :
Happy Thanksgiving to you, too! =)
from lulublu :
okay, so what happened to balance and rationality? Drug Sex? Umm, not approving here. Sex, okay. you're grown, but drugs? no. Be the real boy that I know you can be. You have kids now. I don't mean to mom lecture, but you know how i feel. Even so, Love and kisses.
from dukkha-tanha :
"Nasty. sweaty. Dirty. Sinful". Aw yeah. Excellent description.
from miss-k2 :
I'm so glad you are fairly balanced, rational and sane..says you! your children are dolls. Have a great Thanksgiving.
from lulublu :
Happy Turkey Day mi amor! Be a good boy!
from groovebunny :
Glad you and Gracie enjoyed Spongebob! :) I can't Jakie to see it for the life of me. I even tried to bribe him by telling him he could bring a bunch of friends with us. He's so afraid of the movie theatre since his dad took him to see Resident Evil II. Damn him! As for the cam thing! No wonder I never see you online anymore! You're too busy on stealth mode playing on your cam! lol Glad you're having fun with it :)
from dukkha-tanha :
Spongebob rules! You cam whore! =)
from lulublu :
Aww. SO CUTE! I'm only online tue:12-3pm, Thur: 12-2pm, fri: 8pm-12am, and sun: 12am-4am.....so there you have it
from pixie0323 :
I'm so happy that you got to talk to all of your little girls!
from dukkha-tanha :
You sure do make cute kids. Beautiful. =) OH! Btw, you think we're really from the same town? I'm curious now! I'm in NH. Close?
from groovebunny :
Bub sweetie. I'm so glad to here Rachel is back home. She's at a super tough age and I pray that she will make it and things will turn out fine for her. As far as your other youngens (:)) I really love the way you talk about your kids. You've a big heart Bub. And even though we've joked about how many kids you have, maybe it's because you have a lot of heart to share. Here's crossing my fingers your Vegas trip gets here soon! ;)
from dukkha-tanha :
I did too, but stayed in. Passed out at the computer. Butthead found me like that. At least I wasn't on the toilet. What an example I am. =)
from dukkha-tanha :
Well, if that doesn't suck. I'd have said the same thing to my kid were I in the same situation. I can't imagine, but with the amount of kids I have, it could easily happen. Considering her age, I can see how you can blame yourself (but I'm not saying you should!). I think my dad still blames himself for how my brother turned out. But, really, what the hell does blame do for anyone?
from groovebunny :
Oh and as for your stinky butt? Dude that's just tres TMI! lol
from groovebunny :
Have a great time in Vegas Baby! As for alabama, I tried just like you suggested to do the alabama accent, but mine kept coming out virginian! lol must be cause that's where I learned how to talk. ;)
from groovebunny :
Oh how cute!!! Little Man James is just the most adorable thing ever! And what a smile! :)
from dukkha-tanha :
He's absolutely adorable. I just love baby butt pictures. =)
from groovebunny :
Yes! Spongebob and Patrick! How perfect. If I can only get my little guy to see it. He's developed a fear of movie theatres lately. Must have been when his daddy took hime to see Resident Evil II. Bad daddy! As for Teletubbies. Exactly! I think they're still on PBS. Well worth dragging my butt out of bed during the wee hours of the morning. Yes...things were so simple then compared to now.
from lissacakes :
Thanks, Bub. I've been reading every couple days. It's just hard to update. Blah, blah. Long, uninteresting story. I'm going to try to update today.
from captvfirefly :
Thanks for the vote of confidence. Yes, you and I both know that dating can be hell. Hopefully we'll figure it all out. And I'm so happy that you're enjoying your time with Grace! I have no doubt she loves spending time with you. And? Naughty webcam... LOL Good for you - show it off. ;)
from pixie0323 :
Hope you and Grace have a good time ice skating. She'll treasure those memories with you more than you'll ever know. Oh yeah, and I think we need to stage an intervention for Lissa and get her back to D-land!
from groovebunny :
LOL! Way to go bub! Now that is precisely the reason I won't hook up a webcam. Cause if I'm on it with someone I really adore all my clothes would be flying off in a second! Anyways, I love anything you write. Even your man entries! And congrats on getting Rochester Girl to do the nasty for you! :)
from miss-k2 :
I think you should post the URL for us loyal readers.
from pixie0323 :
Naughty bub! :)
from onandso-on :
you re such a freak Bub, good for you. Just one question, how many of those those viewers where gay guys? Anyway, ya know I love ya bro.
from miss-k2 :
congrats on talking some hot young thing into taking her clothes off for you. You must be some kind of smooth operator.
from dukkha-tanha :
Hey, I happened to stumble upon your diary and just wanted to tell you I like it & will be adding you to my buddy list.=)
from groovebunny :
You've got your laundry done and I've yet to start mine! As far as feeling depressed, hang in there. When I start to feel that way it helps to remind myself that I'm not the only one feeling alone. *hugs*
from lulublu :
I just saw the pic of our little mister james. I've fallen in love! I want to scoop him up and be his mommy! LOL
from lulublu :
S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y NITE!!! i love you bubs i really do
from groovebunny :
James looks adorable sweetie! And I know you'll stay strong, but I can't help but to shiver when I read she's trying to move her way back into your life. *hugs*
from lissacakes :
I'm not going to say not to do anything, or lecture you about trying to stay clean. In a lot of ways I envy the things you must have experienced. Just please think about how low she makes you feel. I don't want you to feel lonely and empty, but I don't think she will change that. Lots of love Bub.
from lulublu :
Pinnochio....be a good boy.
from iwantmangos :
i'm digging the whiskeytoawn..."In the daytime i'm lonesome, and in the nightime i'm sad..." so perfect.
from iwantmangos :
i'm digging the whiskeytoawn..."In the daytime i'm lonesome, and in the nightime i'm sad..." so perfect.
from miss-k2 :
Gracie is a doll. She's going to grow up to be a heartbreaker just like Bub.
from groovebunny :
OMG what what a sweet face Gracie has!
from lissacakes :
She is an angel, Bub.
from lulublu :
BubaHOtep! Honestly now! where is my love? Everytime I'm online, you're signing off...makes me sad....sigh...kisses
from groovebunny :
Loving the Ryan Adams tune. Damn bub. Whacha trying to do? Melt a bunch of hearts and make us weak in the knees? :) And congrats on VegasGirl! And right...what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, unless your name is bub and keeps a journal where he likes to recount every hot insatiable moment with the sexy ladies in his life. Not that I'm complaining. :)
from iwantmangos :
"Hey Laura, i'm thinking of you/ Would you take an old drunk as is/ If he was sweet to you/ And tomorrow you'll probably give up on me/ I don't blame you, hell i'll celebrate/ Because despite everything you've ever said before/ The bar is a beautiful place...."
from miss-k2 :
I so glad you're one to appreciate seasoned women.
from lulublu :
we shall overcome indeed. Miss ya bubs~
from groovebunny :
I feel ya on the election thing. Plus there are a lot of questions being raised. And did you notice that 90% of DC voted for Kerry and against Bush. I mean...what does that say? Scary times I tell ya.
from groovebunny :
I completely love your new layout! Okay now back to read and then I'll be back to blab somemore. :)
from pixie0323 :
Great advice but, really, but somehow I think that just might get me fired. Oh, and hell yeah on your last entry. It's time my friend.
from onandso-on :
Bub I haf updated my diary befor reading yours, I am glad to see you are positive about the future case I am hating life right now. after reading your entry I fell a little beter about things. Thanks for keeping your head.an dmaybe even bringing me back to earth a little bit. Can we start the band again please you fucker. ttyl Ron
from captvfirefly :
Yes, there are a bunch of dumbasses in this country. And just think, I live in Ohio ... the whole nation is looking to us to pull through, but I don't have much hope. If these assholes can pass the ban on gay marriage and the ban on smoking in bars/restaurants, then I don't give them much hope. Course, maybe all these provisional ballots will mean something (regardless of what the dipshit secretary of state has been saying...). Ugh. How depressing...
from lissacakes :
Now, every time I read your diary I'm going to be singing that song. I have a horrible voice, so my co-workers and friends will have you to thank.
from onandso-on :
Thanks dude, just some bull ol' B.S. youo know... damn U just posted that like 3 min. ago. your fast...
from onandso-on :
dude thank you for giving your shit a new look. This is way more you. Well I know I tod you today I was staying here in the ol' S.D. BUT if this fucking D. U. M. B. ass gets re-elected I am moving to Canada.........
from iwantmangos :
i think it's about time you gave the Simpsons their eyes back. Lisa is having trouble playing the sax.
from lissacakes :
I played your song and El Toro runs into the room, "What's that?!" He was singing, "I'm a cow, not a pig. Snort Snort," all weekend.
from lissacakes :
No, there was no accordian player. There was a trumpet player, though. They were all drinking Pabst Blue Ribbon. Come on, if that's not hot, I don't know what is. They were wearing hoods and had face paint on, so please forgive me for thinking that any of them could have been hot.
from lissacakes :
Ewww. Julia Roberts is overrated and goofy looking, as far as rich, pampered Hollywood stars go anyway. Your Kate Winslet crush, now that one I get.
from pixie0323 :
Bub, I have your song stuck in my head. I've been going around all day silently singing "I'm a cow. Moo Moo." I'm hoping that I don't start to hum or mouth the words and have to explain this to someone.
from lissacakes :
I'm posting a link RIGHT now!
from lissacakes :
Sexy voice! El Toro loved that and he's jealous because he does not have such a sexy voice and he doesn't play guitar very well. Ha ha. He's trying to find the flash video with the cow song he was singing right now. And, yes, he does know about his nickname because it comes from a t-shirt we got him. And we may or may not refer to certain parts of his anatomy by the moniker.
from pixie0323 :
Thanks bub! Even though I was a little disturbed (much like yourself) I couldn't help but chuckle a little bit thinking of you sitting there and actually playing that for the audioblog! There was something very reminiscent of early Talking Heads in there. Perhaps the first bit of it. Anyways, as always, you entertain to the highest extent! Thanks!
from pixie0323 :
Oh come on bub. It's cute! Ok, you HAVE to sing the cow song on the audioblog because I think that I will probably die forever listening to it! Please???? Pretty please?
from lissacakes :
Me, interesting stuff going on? I think not, dear friend. When you've got something going on, you've really got something going on. I'm just whining about the same ol' things.
from pixie0323 :
I'm about to write him right now. I just need to figure out some sort of Seattle questions to ask him. Oh, this is so hard!!!
from groovebunny :
Awww. I'm sorry you're feeling down. As much as I love the rain I shall wish it away just for you. And I know how it feels to feel lonely. Me? I do stupid things too. And I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. Hang in there sweetie. The sun is just around the corner. *hugs*
from lissacakes :
I haven't listened to it yet. I don't have sound at work, plus I don't have five minutes of quiet. Next time I have a computer, sound, internet access, and five minutes... I've got to hear your sexy voice.
from pixie0323 :
Oh no, I hadn't seen it. I only saw the audioblog. Thanks! See why I'm doing the research now? It's so sad.
from pixie0323 :
Love love love the audioblog, bub! It's so cool! You need to definitely do those occasionally. But don't forget to update! How would I ever do anything without consulting the almighty bub?
from groovebunny :
Yay! Audioblogging time! You sound soooo cute and smooth bub! Loving it! :)
from groovebunny :
I am so proud of you! A week and no drugs.:) Hang in there sweetie I know things are tough but you are much tougher. As for Alabama, that girl needs counseling. Dude I'm sick too! Did you give me some kind of virtual cooties the last time we talked? I've been feeling like poop-poo for the last few days I can barely focus on words. lol
from miss-k2 :
Please take care of yourself, you have people who care about you even if you think you are alone. You are not. Chin up Bub.
from iwantmangos :
of course i'm reading. My sox are going to kick some cardinal/astro ass! And the curse is officially gone.
from pixie0323 :
You really think so? I just don't know what to write and I feel like everything I say is stupid. And if he DOESN'T feel that way about me, then I don't want to embarass myself and become the girl who won't leave him alone.
from lissacakes :
I would like some rain. We get "microbursts" around August. Unbelievably hard rain for five minutes, and by the time I throw on some clothes to go play it's over. And in winter, it usually just seems to sprinkle. I want some goddamned rain!
from groovebunny :
I freaking know Jeannie Z! Her exhusband and I used to gig together. She's actually one of the niceset people I met in TV. :) Sorry you dont like the rain. I am soooo loving it!
from lissacakes :
Ah, screw her!
from iwantmangos :
Fuck yeah. Yankees suck!
from pixie0323 :
Red sox kick ass!
from lissacakes :
The booty call commment? Yeah, I know. He also said something about FB's phone call being a fishing expedition, to which I kind of took offense. I am not a trout.
from groovebunny :
I have to agree with lisacakes. It does seem to me that her words are more for herself than for you. Ya know...she has something she needs to say, no matter what the affect it may have on you. Right or wrong she's gonna say it. And though you may take that as honest...I think it's a bit selfish as it gets you all thinking again...fishing. *hugs* to you sweetie. I know it's been tough but this is just another bump in the road and you'll be fine. :)
from lissacakes :
While I do think it was a sincere apology, but also something to assauge her guilt (all that apologies really ever can be anyway), I do hope that she will leave you in peace now, one way or the other. Good luck. Love sucks. But we all care about you!
from captvfirefly :
If it were me, I wouldn't respond. I know your other readers are trying to give her the benefit of the doubt, but I'm sorry - I found that letter to be totally selfish. Sure, she doesn't know what she wants - that's understandable. She's got some issues to deal with. But I think she should leave you out of it! She's already jerked you around enough, and sending you this letter is just her reaching out to someone she KNOWS cares about her because she's lonely. I don't mean to be so harsh, but I don't like the idea of this chick jerking you around. She can't be the person you need her to be, and she needs to work on herself before she starts dating. Period. Respond if you must, but all that will do is re-open the door of communication with someone who has hurt your feelings. And do you really want to get back on the emotional rollercoaster? I'm just trying to look out for you. If I thought she was in the right headspace to continue dating you, I'd be all for it (since you being happy is a good thing!), but she's not. Personally, I don't think it's fair of her to write that stuff to you, knowing how you feel about her. Yes, it's an "apology," but excuse me if I don't think she's worthy... me-ow. :)
from lissacakes :
I thought it sounded like a sincere apology.
from pixie0323 :
I can't tell you whether to respond or not, but I can tell you that that letter is something that I would have thought back in the day. Well, a few months ago. I would have considered sending it in an email, but never done it. Now I know it would have been ridiculous. All I'm saying is that she's not trying to hurt you, but that letter was completely about her, and her feelings, not about caring for you. I think she's confused. But in no way is she trying to play a game with you. I think she's just lonely and a little lost perhaps. You can respond if you like, that's probably actually the thing to do, but keep it short and sweet and don't make plans to see her. Because she's gone back and forth how many times now? Like I said, I'm sure she's not intentionally trying to hurt you, but that would be a likely outcome, so watch out for yourself, follow your heart, but get involved again. Do what you need to heal, and nothing more.
from lulublu :
you're welcome sweetie! PTSD is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder
from pixie0323 :
I knew you'd say that! I would have had no problem writing it down, but then bub came along! :)
from groovebunny :
Awww I'm sorry you don't feel good! I think we gave each other the cooties! lol Also, hang in there sweetie, okay? Just another funky funk to get through. And I know you will because of all the beautiful reasons you have in your life to get through it. *hugs*
from pixie0323 :
Thanks bub. Now only if my dreams will come true, eh? Hang in there, honey. You're going to get through this and move on and all will be better.
from lissacakes :
I really appreciate your very honest note. I really, really do. Ah well, life sucks, but we're still here.
from lulublu :
I would never try to save you, I just try to be a loving place in your life. You can save yourself. I have faith in you.
from soursaurus :
hey..thanks. youre nice.
from miss-k2 :
Dang her. Love sucks.
from groovebunny :
I'm so sorry bub. I totally agree with what pixie said. You have a wonderful passionate heart and even though it hurts like crap, if we don't feel we're not alive are we? She was lucky to have you in her life. She doesn't know how lucky. But one day someone will and she will be the one.*hugs*
from captvfirefly :
I agree with what pixie said - you put yourself out there, and that is a good thing! And who the hell is going to say "I told you so"? We're all here to support you, and I seriously doubt if anyone out there doesn't want to see you happy. It didn't work out, but not because you didn't make the effort. You should be commended for it. **HUGS**
from pixie0323 :
Oh bub. You put yourself out there. Way out there. And that's courageous and it's a step in the right direction for you. So, I applaud you for that. I hope you realize how wonderful it was that you found yourself caring for her, because that means that someone else will come along. And when she does, you'll know that you can love her.
from lissacakes :
It seems like it hurts a little less this time. I hope????
from miss-k2 :
Nice to see you happy again. YEA!
from pixie0323 :
I'm happy that you're happy.
from captvfirefly :
Bub, I really do hope it works out, and that her guard really IS down. I just want to see you happy, and I hope she's done screwing with your head. Now, I'm sure she means well, so please don't take this comment the wrong way (I'm not bashing her, or you for that matter!), BUT, I think I know where she's coming from .... I met a guy a few months after I left my husband (but before the divorce was actually final). I thought for sure I was in love - it all happened so fast. So, as much as I want to be completely happy about this turn of events for you, I know where this girl is coming from in her life (my relationship was 8 years), and I'm still not convinced that she CAN let her guard down. Obviously she and I are different people, but I just hope you're not her rebound guy. I hate to even say that and rain on all the happiness, so hopefully I'm totally wrong. I probably shouldn't have said anything, but I guess I'm just feeling a bit protective of ya, that's all. lol I will say this though - I'm so, so, SO glad you're happy. You totally deserve it, and I hope it works out in the best way possible for ya..
from iwantmangos :
I called that. I was like, she'll be back. And BAM, she was. I'm so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so so happy for you.
from miss-k2 :
Next. Dang it.
from lissacakes :
You are a smart, smart man.
from pixie0323 :
Relationships can bite my ass. Love sucks. Ok, so I'm right there with you and my heart goes out to you (well, the battered remains). Oh, without you knowing it, you made me feel better because the phrase "stuck in my craw" always makes me giggle. Really, I'm giggling right now, just typing it. Heehee! I swear, I am. Ok, laughing now. Laughing. Craw. It's just so funny. I don't know why. See? Relationships and the crap from them has made me crazy. Hang in there bub. Listen to some Ryan Adams and write a song.
from captvfirefly :
Your response to her email was absolutely amazing. You were so eloquent and honest, and wow. I hope she can let her guard down and let you in. If any one of the guys that I broke up with wrote me that kind of heartfelt letter, I'd have at least given it another shot. But, none of them were that coherent. I hope it works out - well, I hope it works out to be the best thing for YOU. **HUGS**
from lulublu :
Ah. Love. What a fucked up and twisted little dance it is. *muah*
from groovebunny :
She didn't even leave a note??? You want I should break her knee caps??? Well...nasty conversations eh? Seems like there's been a lot of insaness going around lately. I know where you're coming from sweetie. *hugs*
from lissacakes :
Ugh. Who is that person and what has he done with my El Toro!?
from pixie0323 :
I'm so sorry that you're going through this, Bub. I think maybe you should take groovebunny up on her offer though -- what's the harm in having a few laughs!? Oh, and I love my new name, Pixelie!
from lissacakes :
Okay, Bub, I give you in particular permission to comment away all that you want. I just didn't want to FISH for commentary.
from groovebunny :
Oh my favorite Cure song! See that's the problem with love. Why does it have to be just "like" heavan? If it was heaven then it'd last forever and there'd be no rollercoaster ride.
from lissacakes :
That is the best fucking song in the world. It's definitely a fall anti-love song, rather than the summer I want to be in love songs we talked about a few months ago.
from groovebunny :
Just *hugs* and not talking about that thing that we're not talking about. But I have an idea! I can always photoshop some pictures of that person we're not discussing, and make said person into the man I originally suspected! What say you? *hugs* again
from captvfirefly :
I leave for a weeks vacation, and wow, look at the things I missed. :( First off, I want to wish you a belated happy birthday!! It probably doesn't mean too much now, but at least it sounds like you had a great birthday. :) Now, this stuff with Jessie .... Bub, I'm sorry things are so fucked up. I've had my share of super-fast connections that end almost as soon as they start, and it's not fun. I wish I could say something that would help, but everything I can think of sounds like trite bullshit. You're doing all you can, and hopefully soon some deserving woman will see that and not attempt to rip your heart out. (See? Trite. Sorry... I mean well though! lol) You've got good friends here on diaryland though - we've got your back. :)
from groovebunny :
Sorry sweetie. You know what I think. You're an incredible person so please don't let this bring you down. It's just a matter of time. *hugs*
from miss-k2 :
Relationships are so hard. Hope you guys get things worked out. Dang.
from lulublu :
Do you want me to beat her up. 'Cause I'll ROLL her.....love!
from lissacakes :
Awww. E-hugs. Sending e-hugs.
from pixie0323 :
Don't back off completely if you want to keep things going with her. Be there for her, but don't BE there. Just email her a little note tonight or tomorrow and just say hi and hope she feels better and that as always, you're willing to wait for her until she's ready. Show her that you care, because she's afraid of getting hurt as much as you are. Nothing too sappy or serious, but something that shows her that you do like her.
from pixie0323 :
Bub, I know exactly how you feel because I always have the urge to run too. Just let all those bad feelings out, cry if you have to, and then remember that you have a wonderful girlfriend who you are obviously falling for. Just let it flow Bub.
from groovebunny :
Awwww sweetie. I know sometimes it's so easy to slip back into that mode. Jessie is truly wonderful though and YOU deserve wonderful. You know that saying, absence makes the heart grow fonder? Try and think of this time away from her as the time for your heart to be more connected with her. It's hard after being with someone who gives you that natural high, and then not being able to be with them. And you're right. If you have an urge to call Alabama it's only because you know what to expect. But she's poison for you so please, please, please don't do it. Tomorrow, when you see Jesse, take her in your arms and just hold her. Look in her eyes and then kiss her. Things will be okay. *hugs*
from lulublu :
Bubs, calm down mijo. Take pride in yourself, and don't sweat jessie. At the end of the day, all you can do is control yourself, and hope for the best....I'm sure she is sick, and if she really isn't, Fuck it. You're a good guy, and you deserve good people. On that note: STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM ALABAMA. Okay, I'm done. Love ya
from pixie0323 :
Uh oh bub. It's three against one! Lissa and Lulu think I shouldn't take dating advice from you! yes, while I would greatly appreciate a night of unattached sexual expression, I'm going to have to wait it out. You wouldn't want me running back to H would you? No, I didn't think so! Just kidding! Hope you're having fun with Jessie and all the "festivities"!
from lissacakes :
Thanks, Bub. Hey, if I am an island, can I be Crete. I'd like to be Crete.
from lulublu :
So you're ALREADY legal? Whew. That puts things into a whole new perspective....hahaha. Felicidades Amor!
from lissacakes :
Oh, I thought it was your 27th. Happy Birthday!
from miss-k2 :
Happy birthday old man better start stocking up on prunes and Geratol. :)
from groovebunny :
Happy Birthday!!! Do you have a wishlist set up on Amazon??? I wanna send you something...*ahem* in addition to that other thing I was supposed to send you! (lol)
from pixie0323 :
Happy Birthday Bubalicious! Hope you have fun with Jessie at the game and at dessert! ;) I just can't get over how wonderful it is to know that you're with someone you really care about and who really cares about you. Have a great birthday!
from lissacakes :
I am hard-core... retarded. So, I read that as "laughing my fat ass off," and was wondering why you were calling your ass fat, then realized f was for my favorite word!
from groovebunny :
GASP! Steady? :) Your story is getting lovelier and lovelier by the moment. :)
from pixie0323 :
that's so cute bub! oh, and I'm glad that someone got my starbuck's humor!
from lissacakes :
Oh, Bub, come on. They're stored away in an entry in my diary for my private enjoyment.
from miss-k2 :
Bub's got himself a real life girlfriend. Congrats. :)
from lulublu :
Bubs and Jessie sittin' a tree, K-i-s-s-i-n-g....lol! Can I watch? HHAHAHAHA. Love you! p.s. I put some more pics on myspace...
from lissacakes :
Isn't it weird and wonderful to be so sure about her so soon!
from pixie0323 :
Bub! Yay! I can't say anything without an exclamation point! You're in love! I can't even express how fabulous I think that is. I'm so happy for you!
from groovebunny :
Seriously, that is just beautiful. :)
from groovebunny :
Bub life sounds like it's going just lovely for you these days. :) Next time you play Barbies can you make sure to get a picture you can post??? ;) *hugs*
from groovebunny :
Awwww happy belated birthday for Grace! :) And it sounds like Pixie must have some fun stuff going on on her diary! LOL. I think you hit it right on though on your def of soft vs. hardcore...not that I know anything about porn. LOL.
from lissacakes :
That's hilarious! I totally use close-ups as the line and without another person in the room to hold the camera, there could be no alternating close-ups of face and you know, other parts. The hard core porn I've seen has all had augmented whores who didn't look like real girls, just like Skinemax.
from lissacakes :
Oh, I think it's just your frame of mind.
from pixie0323 :
A little bit of rain but nothing like in Alabama. We should get some more in the next few days. Nothing bad though.
from pixie0323 :
Bub, that was such a sweet and cute entry!
from lissacakes :
OMG, look at that itsy bitsy tummy.
from miss-k2 :
Jessie is very pretty..way to go you lucky dog.
from lissacakes :
It's great reading old entries and remembering things you'd forgotten! How cute you two are!
from captvfirefly :
Hey, I wasn't anywhere near puking - that was great to read. It's nice to hear about someone so happy! It's about time. :) I think it's wonderful - you gush all you want!
from groovebunny :
/me does a happy dance for you! I'm really, really happy for you bub ;)
from pixie0323 :
Bub! I'm so happy for you!
from groovebunny :
Yes get an audioblog! It's so much fun! And def not to replace writing cause I love your writing. But sure! Bring on the salty! :)
from lissacakes :
I am such a dork. Whenever you mention me in your diary I giggle uncontrollably.
from lissacakes :
How weird! Rob thinks it hot when I say "fuck." I thought it was because I have a slightly high pitched voice (I can't stand listening to myself on voicemails!) and it didn't fit, but you can't hear me and you said so. What is it about me and the word fuck?
from pixie0323 :
Yay! Have fun tonight!
from captvfirefly :
Whoo!! I knew she'd call - that was an excellent email. I'm so happy for you! :)
from groovebunny :
I am so glad she called! It's all gonna be allright. And did I already mention I'm so glad??? :)
from pixie0323 :
Bub, that was perfect! I hope you get to talk to her tonight!
from lissacakes :
That was the perfect response!
from pixie0323 :
Oh bub, I'm afraid that you're right in that you're dating my california reincarnation. So all you have to do is write her back and treat her like you know I want to be treated. Be nice to her. Do really sweet things for her. Assure her that you'll take it as slow as she wants. You can do this bub. And you deserve giving this a real chance.
from miss-k2 :
You'll make it Bub.. one day at a time.. God that sounds stupid and lame. ScaryDan's been off it since Nam. cold turkey. YIKES. Hope Jess sees what a sweetheart you really are.
from captvfirefly :
Ok, her letter to you is something I can definitely relate to - I've been where she is, and yeah, it's totally scary. I do have to give her kudos for telling you exactly what's going on in her head - most women wouldn't do that. Well, some would, but I digress. The fear of a woman who has slept with someone on a first date is, "What now? Where do we go from here?" because sex changes the dynamic of a relationship. Basically she's afraid of what happens next, since you skipped a whole lotta "regular dating" stuff. Mostly I bet she's afraid that she's added another notch to her bedpost and doesn't know if that notch will stick around. And hell, maybe she doesn't know if she wants you to stick around just yet, although it sounds to me (from her email) that she does. My advice would be - write her back and let her know what YOU are thinking. Tell her you're not sure how to handle her message of, "I like you, but I'm not sure what to do now" and see what she says. I don't think it's a kiss-off, but I do think (and rightly so) that she is dropping back and putting up a few walls. I'd say you jumped in quickly, and now she wants to see if you'll agree to slow back down. That's all it is - assurance that a.) you won't just fuck her and leave, and 2.) that you'll agree to slow down and not go on fast forward. Well, all that could be my opinion, but I've had this happen more times than I'd like to admit. I hope it works out! :)
from pixie0323 :
Call her, call her, CALL HER! Screw the game playing. If you like her, then call her. If you want to hold on to her, go out with her again, sleep with her again, CALL HER! This is advice from someone who you KNOW has issues with this type of thing. Definitely call her. Did I mention that you should call her?
from captvfirefly :
I can't really say that I know what to do when it comes to dating (if you've read my last couple entries, you already know this), but I guess my advice would be this - if you want to call her, call her. If she doesn't call you back, and you continue to not hear from her, then there could be reasons for it. I wish I could be of more help, but that's all I've got. If you want to call, call. Don't wait around for that stupid "3 day rule" that I hear about.
from lissacakes :
Jealous of you.
from lissacakes :
I can't imagine. Can't imagine. Do you think it will be like The Sicilian or more?
from captvfirefly :
Wow - sounds like a great date to me! :) Glad to hear it. Oh, and I won't give you shit about sex on the first date - I can make it to the second date (as you well know), but not much farther. Glad it went so great!
from pixie0323 :
Well, you'd talked to her a lot so that maybe counts as two dates. I'd say that three dates is the standard rule, so you're in the clear! I have a good feeling about this one, bub. I'm so happy that you had a good time!
from pixie0323 :
Hope you had a good time on your date last night!
from groovebunny :
LOL! Well the "?" didn't last too long! Have a wonderful date tonight! :D And don't do anything *ahem* that I wouldn't do!! ! ;) *hugs* Oh and you're smitten? That is soooo cute!
from pixie0323 :
Yeah, I think 5 dates is a little extreme, but after this scare, I just want to make sure that I'm not jumping into anything. I shouldn't be having sex and having to worry about my future, especially when I'm unsure of my relationship with a guy. So 5 dates is just a deterrant for me. Good luck on the date with internet girl! You'll have to give her a really cute name! It won't jinx it, don't worry!
from iwantmangos :
You have a date!! good luck!! do your hair up all nice and pretty!!(you rock)
from groovebunny :
So I'm thinking the new internet girl is you know who. !!! If it is...this one is soooo a keeper! :D
from captvfirefly :
Hey Bub! Just catching up on your diary after being on vacation. So, new internet women, eh? Glad to hear that someone is picking up my internet dating torch. :) It sounds like you're doing really well lately (and not just with the women), and I'm happy to hear it. And yeah, it's hot out in California - but at least it's a "dry" heat. I got back to Ohio and was greeted with humidity and rain. Ick. I miss the sun in California - and the avacados. :) Oh, and by the way - you never did tell me the story with #1...
from lissacakes :
Bub, every day I type El Toro and delete it and type Rob. It doesn't feel El Toro-ish anymore. It's amazing that you said something today, because it really hit me today that when I've typed El Toro recently it didn't feel right.
from pixie0323 :
Thanks so much bub. you're right . . . i'm probably not pregnant. and you're also right about me using sex like others would use drugs. thanks for the constant support.
from groovebunny :
You're down in Bonita??? Dude! ;) Anyways...hot day it was today. We ended up going to the movies just to cool off. Seriously, I was willing to sit through the worst movie made in the history of mankind, "Baby Genuises, 2" just for a bit of coolness. Freezing of the brain...sounds delicious!
from iwantmangos :
sorry about your tummy...you'd best stay away from those mattahdadies....especially the pink ones...
from groovebunny :
LMAO!!!OMG I forgot about our small p*nis conversation! But I can't stop busting up over the fact that you had to explain those were your p*nis files! LOL. You're a good man for stepping up to the plate and saving poor Cathy from taking the rap.;) Okay...so I'm still on a mission to find proof though! ;)
from pixie0323 :
if H comes near me again, I'm going to tie a knot in it for him and that will be all. there will be no holding involved, you little smartass! :)
from lissacakes :
I think I will have to reread what kinds of things I have said about the couch and the floor!
from lissacakes :
get a mop? (lulublu's notes)
from groovebunny :
bubalicious! you sound delicious! ;) hey i'm glad you're feeling better. i read the alabama entry where you hung up on her...i have to say that must have felt like a totally defining moment for you. she is history. things are looking up. :) and i missed you too! {{hugs}}
from iwantmangos :
of course you can be on my team...but only if you wear those spandex pants you wore when you dressed up as Axel Rose...you can distract the competition, while i use my mad table tennis skills to whoop them.
from iwantmangos :
of course you can be on my team...but only if you wear those spandex pants you wore when you dressed up as Axel Rose...you can distract the competition, while i use my mad table tennis skills to whoop them.
from pixie0323 :
I'm glad you're feeling better bub! And ice cream cake?! I LOVE ice cream cake. Thanks for the note about Iowa. You're definitely right, and now I just have to deal with all the b.s. surrounding it!
from missk2 :
From the bottom of my heart, dear boy, I apologize for locking you out.. all better now. k fine.
from lissacakes :
I've noticed that about myself. Happiness does not bode well for me. When I'm happy, I don't write at all, and that makes me unhappy. Yes, I guess he does elicit passion, huh? But it's still me being passionate, that was never a problem. I'm a passionate person, but him... um, no, not enough.
from lulublu :
BUBS. BUBS.
from pixie0323 :
Thanks for the jokes bub! I'm going to have to lay that W one on my friend!
from miss-k2 :
What a coincidence. I look just like Kate. Why would lie about a thing like that? All right, I'm lying. God damm lying bitches leaving ya notes.
from lissacakes :
T-Mobile.
from lissacakes :
Okay, I was confused!!! He does read my diary. I will delete your notes so as to not hurt his feelings. If you had further comments, you can always email me, too.
from lissacakes :
Ugh... strip clubs. Before evil ex, I thought it was something that I could be cool with. I would spend three hours on two different buses to get from La Jolla to San Clemente to see him, and then he would go to a strip club and leave me to amuse myself at his friends' condo. It rehashes feelings of worthlessness and ugliness. If I was pretty enough, he wouldn't need to go there. I'd be enough. That kind of shit. My friend came to visit and starting asking El Toro about strip clubs, if he'd ever been, and he started telling her how phenomenal the Crazy Horse in Vegas was. I've been to the Crazy Horse (I figured I should go see what it was all about if I was going to bash it so much.) and I know just how touchy the girls are there. I thought I was going to self-destruct thinking of him there getting lap dances, being groped by strippers, completely separating sex from love and respect. I want to think he's morally superior to other men. I want to think he's not into that. I want to live in la la land.
from lissacakes :
The letter (most recent entry) is to someone else, not the ex. Someone I actually am friends with and who isn't crazy, or who is crazy exactly like I am crazy so we are reeling in being crazy together. The newspaper ad... that's all for the ex! The letter that was written to me, that I responded to... my ex could never write like that. He wrote like a fifth grader... no exaggeration... another strange irony of our relationship.
from pixie0323 :
hey buba-boo. did you get the email with my password?
from lissacakes :
My celebrity exemptions would be Jared Leto and Colin Farrel, but I couldn't do that. I couldn't let a guy have celebrity exemptions, so I can live w/o them. I took off a picture that was most of my face, sitting in a big chair in my living room. (Plus, I didn't think it was very flattering! :))
from pixie0323 :
hi bub! i haven't caught up on diaries or entered anything yet, but i just wanted to pop by and say hi.
from iwantmangos :
look at me! i'm leaving you a note! and i'm really happy because you're happy! maybe hyper is a better word. wheeeee!
from lissacakes :
Okay, I emailed it you you.
from groovebunny :
Hey hang in there sweetie. Life is definitely a journey affected by the choices we've made. But after the choices have been made, the best we can do is go one living. I know it's hard, but this is just another bump in the road.*hugs*
from lissacakes :
Amen!
from lissacakes :
Sheryl Crow (how ya spell it) also said, "I saw you standing there when I was seventeen, now I'm thirty-two, can't remember what I'd seen in you." I was pretty damn sure that was going to be my life, just replace seventeen with eighteen, and change one impulsive decision, and that coulda been me.
from groovebunny :
*hugs* bub. stay strong sweetie. times are tough, but you can pull through this. i'm feeling a bit sad at the moment. but it would make me feel better if i knew you were doing okay.
from lissacakes :
I'm sorry. I wish she would disappear and stay disappeared and I wish you'd find the right people to play for, who would appreciate something unique. I hope all the nothing feels more like something really soon, and naturally too.
from pantypulldwn :
hey there big boy!!! i missed the hell out of you! glad to hear someone is getting some kind of action! are you for the ride/long haul??? lol!
from groovebunny :
Wow lovely new geetah! And the getting to suck face with a pretty girl...you go bub! ;D
from miss-k2 :
you lucky dog you
from groovebunny :
Wooowhooo! What totally awesome news! :D Have a fantabulous weekend! *hugs*
from pixie0323 :
Yay bub! you're on the up and up!
from lissacakes :
Did you get an idea from anyone of how it sounded to the audience?
from lulublu :
oh, my poor little Pinnochio.....how I miss you! And that damn Alabama of yours is giving all of us who has been from there a bad name...LOL Give your man James a kiss for me....I'll be back soon
from groovebunny :
Oh bub, hang in there sweetie. Don't let the Alabama thing get you down for your show. You need to be in a mind set to totally kick ass! My God you are playing the fucking Cat Club! :D I'm behind ya all the way. *hugs*
from pixie0323 :
absolutely nothing wrong with older guys. they are my favorite victims! i'm so glad to hear that you're playing with the band again. all this stuff with alabama will work out. i don't know why it happens that we all have that one person that's always present in our minds, the one everyone else gets compared to, but that's the way it is. i definitely agree with groovebunny and lissacakes on this one. you're doing great bub and you should be proud of all you're accomplishing.
from lissacakes :
I like groovebunny's explanation. It makes perfect sense.
from groovebunny :
I'm glad you're feeling better. I don't know if you believe in past lives or anything, but I do. I think possibly Alambama was a huge part of a past life for you. And that's what the inexplicable draw you have to her is. Maybe all of this hurt is a trial for both of you? And things will be better in the end? I dunno...if I had a guy who longs for me the way you long for Alabama, I'd never do anything to hurt him.
from lissacakes :
I think your sister and my mother go to the same church. She's always Pastor says this, pastor says that. Excuse me, when did Pastor become God?
from groovebunny :
*hugs* I'm sorry you had a bad week. I know you care about Alabama sweetie, but you want I should break her legs???
from captvfirefly :
Awww, what a cutie James is!!
from pixie0323 :
james is so cute!
from groovebunny :
You're playing the Cat Club? I love that place. *hugs* and hope you're feeling better soon.
from pantypulldwn :
hey. thanks for the note hotness! cowboy ron is history and i found a young new hotty that makes me moist and sweaty! lol!
from miss-k2 :
Cute baby. Just like his cutie pie daddy. :)
from pixie0323 :
bub, if there's one thing i truly believe, it's that just surviving brings happiness. and you, my friend, are in the midst of a survival moment. in a few days you'll wake up, with new resolve, you'll be a new man, you'll breathe liked you've never breathed before, and the world will look different. i look forward to these days (of my own) because they give me the courage and the drive to keep going. keep an eye out for it, because it's coming to you too. just let it flow. love ya, keep writing it all down.
from groovebunny :
heya bub. there must be something happening with the damn planets again that's putting us all in such a funk. thanks for your sweet words. i know you what you mean about being dashed on the rocks. i find my fingers letting go of the safety line, but just as my hand slips away i grab back hold onto it tightly. i'm glad to read about rachael. it sounds like she's a tough girl like her daddy. :) things will get better for all of us. they always do. we just have to go through a lot of hurt sometimes to find real happiness. happy 4th to you sweetie!
from lissacakes :
Padres? What a stupid name for a sports team. Yeah, that really instills fear in the hearts of their opponents. Now, a rattlesnake'd make me pee my pants. Padres... not scary unless your a 12-year-old boy.
from pixie0323 :
hi bub! just wanted to say hi. so, hi. have you talked to your blind date yet to set up another try?
from lissacakes :
Ah, Bub. Glad I made ya laugh. I preface all relationships with other people with this disclaimer: anything I say is true for the moment, no promises about an hour from now. Trying to cover my ass, in case they remember everything as well.
from captvfirefly :
You waited for more than an hour, that's WAY longer than most people. Hell, 30 minutes is usually even too long (depending on if you already know the person). I'm sorry you got stood up. Are you going to try again? And yeah, the date with CbusDon was a total bust. What a flake. Too bad I didn't stand HIM up. Hopefully your next meeting will go better! :)
from pixie0323 :
bub, you waited for more than an hour! i'd say it was just bad luck. try again and arrange a definite time!
from groovebunny :
bummerola. sorry your semi-blind date didn't happen. why didn't she call if you if she was going to be late? you waited around for an hour and 15 minutes for cripes sake. plus you had to listen to a crappy band while you were at it. haha...that must have been torture! *hugs*
from pixie0323 :
hey bub! yeah, i'll be back soon. i'm trying to post another entry right now, but it's busy again, so i might not be able to. hope your date goes well tomorrow. and by well i mean . . . well, you know what i mean!
from lissacakes :
Thanks. That means a lot to me.
from captvfirefly :
Happy Fathers Day! :) Now... who is giving you shit about what you write in your diary? And anyone who has read your diary at least once would know how much you care for your children. Don't ever apologize for what you do or don't write in your diary. It is YOUR outlet, and you should feel comfortable saying whatever YOU want to say. Period. If people don't like what you have to say, they won't read, but you don't need those people anyway. I say kudos to you for being honest - you already know I respect you for being YOU. Have a great Fathers Day!
from groovebunny :
Happy father's day Mr. Bub!:) I love the layout. It's so tres Simpsons! In terms of what you wrote about not being able to be with your children and how you deal with it in your writing, I think that anyone's who's been reading you from the beginning understands the humor to diffuse the pain. If there is someone who has been reading you and doesn't get that, that's their problem not yours. It's very obvious to me that you love your children and I can only imagine what you must be going through. I know as mommy, the only thing that keeps me going and strong is the miracle dreaming in his bunk bed at the moment. *hugs* to bub and once again Happy Father's day!
from captvfirefly :
Love the new layout! And, I hope to read that you did NOT end up with Alabama. :P Oh, and thanks for the note (I'm your terrific, twin sister? Cool!!) - you think CbusDon has his hands full with lil ole me?? LOL I hope it's a good thing.
from lissacakes :
NO, NO, NO. No, Alabama. Nope. That's what I think. Yes, Arizona Tent City... wanna stay outta that place. No AC, bologna sandwiches (though I like "baloney"), and they make you wear pink underwear... I think just because the sheriff gets a kick out of it.
from pixie0323 :
noooooo bub! don't fall back into her trap! i swear that she must KNOW when you're calling and just have to tempt you. think about what's good for james. getting involved with alabama again is not good because you know that she's going to hurt you again and then you'll have to spend less time with your little man. just like you wrote to me over and over when i was mixed up with H, please don't do this to yourself again! glad band practice went well. :)
from captvfirefly :
I agree with groovebunny's note - don't do the relationship fallback thing just 'cause you haven't gotten the lovin' in a while. I thought about calling my old fuckbuddy (FunBoy), but decided it was best not to. Oh, and in regards to the comment you left me (about talking about having sex early, and then not having it) - I know.. see, that is my quandry. These guys will ask me sexual questions, which I answer honestly, and then it becomes a situation where just because I am willing to talk about it openly means I'm all about having it. Well yes, I like sex just as much as the next woman (maybe more), but talking does not equal having it. But, I see your point. And HELL NO I'm not waiting too long (9 months? Was that chick crazy?!). Oh, and I read some of your archives, but tell me about #1 (if you wouldn't mind?)?
from groovebunny :
heya bub, sorry to hear about #1. and this thing in arizona? i know you'll get that all straightened out. please don't fall back on alabama just cause, of the not getting any love in a month thing. you are a much stronger person now.:) *hugs*
from pixie0323 :
thanks bub. i hope you have fun playing with James!
from pixie0323 :
thanks bub. you know me, i may say it, but i never really give up hope. things are going to start getting more exciting for you soon too. are you guys still going to have band practice next week? that's so exciting! you never know when things will suddenly change direction.
from miss-k2 :
Awe sweetie, don't be sad be happy, like me when I don't take meds.
from captvfirefly :
Yeah, lonliness is a bitch, isn't it? It just sneaks up on you when you're not looking. But hey, if it makes you feel any better, I'm feeling it too. Ok, this is going to sound cheesy, but you're not alone - you've got all your diaryland pals around, and we care about you. So buck up little camper (my friend says that to me, and while I don't think it's the most supportive thing to say, it does make me laugh .. I hope it made you smile..). ;)
from onandso-on :
me too, I love that fuckin band...
from onandso-on :
me too, I love that fuckin band...
from pixie0323 :
oh bub. don't worry 'bout me. i actually know this guy. it's not like i just met him and here i go off to stay with him! i assure you he's not a serial killer! oh, and i like my new name, pixaloo! and i agree with lissa--i think you should start another diary for the personal juicy stuff and then give us the password so we can snoop! lol :)
from lissacakes :
Oh, Bub. Maybe you can set up another diary and not link it to this one to talk about things you're not sure you're ready to share with "real life" people. As far the heartache/writing thing with me, I suspect I egg myself on in being sad for that purpose, which is so self-possessed. Oh, Lulublu's other diary. I'll see if you're e-mail link is hooked up and e-mail it to you.
from pixie0323 :
i hadn't thought of that bub! that's actually a possibility. maybe i should consider the annoying neighbors to be a blessing in disguise! although, knowing my sister, she'll just pick fights and egg them on and they'll become even more annoying. yeesh.
from lulublu :
oh my poor bubs....I can't leave you alone for a second! LOL....aww I miss you! I miss Lissa too! I hate not having a computer!!!! Well sweetness, I'm not sure when I'll be able to drop you a note next, so take care and TRY to behave yourself!!! hahah...by the way, Grace is beautiful little girl. MUAH
from lissacakes :
Lissakins, I live that. I constantly add -fers to the end of people's names, usually they do not like it. For instance, Robifers, Coopifers (my puppy), and Bubafers!
from pixie0323 :
awww . . . thanks bub! sometimes i wonder if i should just settle. but it wouldn't be fair to him or to me. so i'm going to keep trying to get my head on straight and someday i'll find the right one. i hope you're feeling better about the whole sitation from last weekend. it was nice of your dad to get you the wallet! it's nice to have people to give you and hand up.
from bubaloo :
Hey Lissakins! No, Alabama is not her real name. She doesn't like me calling her it much either, so I always take great pains to call her that when I talk to her! lol. I can be a dick. James is splendid, all smiles and spit!
from lissacakes :
Oh my, it's always so simple in the end, isn't it? You know, I keep wondering: Is Alabama her real name or just where she's from? That'd be a cool name. But, boo, we don't like her anyway. How is little James, by the way?
from captvfirefly :
Hey - thanks for adding me as a favorite and for leaving me comments. :) It's always good to get the male perspective, and after checking out your diary, I've got to say that it's nice to see another person just laying it all out on the table ... the good AND the bad. Sounds like you're on the upswing, so that's good. Ok, I'm rambling.. Thanks again for the note!
from lissacakes :
Everyone makes mistakes. The fact that you told people shows you are so serious about not falling back into that. So, spoil me... should have explained what that meant. I think I'll just go write an entry about that, because I've been thinking about it.
from onandso-on :
oxicontin, and let me tell you my friend I now know why they call it hillbilly heroin. THAT SHIT SUCKS. It makes me hate that fat fuck Rush Limnutballsfaghead, or however you spell his name even more. You would have to be a hillbilly to find anything good about that shit. Hey by the way do you know anyone who wants to buy the pills I have left, Humm maybe I will call Rush himself.. Just kiddin Love ya bro Ron
from miss-k2 :
So sorry about the wallet and your weekend. Fuck.
from pixie0323 :
chin up, cheer up sweetie. you're a strong person and you just have to remember that relapse is part of recovery. and you're far enough removed now that you can see where you went wrong and know that that's not the life you want for yourself anymore. you should be proud of yourself for all the hard work you've done, and focus on the good. and don't worry, the boredom will soon cease and you'll be deep in excitement again! :)
from groovebunny :
Heya bub.:) Love the new layout! I'm just now getting caught up on your diary as I've been laid up in bed and not able to get to my pc. I know you had a slip the other night. Chin up. We all stumble sometimes. It's just another bump in the road is all. Gracie is a beaut. Don't feel lonely. There are so many people who think the world of you. *hugs*
from lissacakes :
As Lissacakes, I am a total loser, but as Melissa my strength is 28, my intelligence is 8, and I spit jets of water (though I am not very agile). Watch out.
from pixie0323 :
i battled you. you kicked my ass. evidently my monster is a giant ape. damn me.
from lissacakes :
Just wanted to say hi, but wasn't sure what I was gonna say, so I'll second Pixie's note. I really liked that when I read it, too. Why is everyone so restless? Must be a time-of-year thing.
from pixie0323 :
i loved your last entry about wanting someone to "blow the doors off" but thinking that now it's going to have to be an "inside job." i absolutely love that. that's exactly how i'm feeling too!
from lissacakes :
I like your new template. I'm actually not a gold member, just found some free template sites that host the images for ya. But, I was considering becoming one so that I could post pictures from my li'l road trip. Considering this...
from ravens-heart :
lmao ur last entry cracked me up...hahaha...
from jcesar :
even though I right, still word's, inspired buy a brain, doen't make sense. but I like it. have I ever talk about anyone. I think I have, but in the way that rimes, not anoing, or insultan, whithouth saying, but is being said, not much description. thank you for me. There can only be one master, to many sheeps, now write about the words, master, oh so master.
from onandso-on :
You are one good M-Fer,I am lucky to have you in my life. Hang in there with work and "the house" thing. Remind me to pass a message on to you from El and the boys. ttyl I am out........ by the way I sniffed your sheets while I was at your house today.
from lissacakes :
yeah, your conscience has certainly gone on a vacation, over there!
from lissacakes :
I know. What's that BS all about? Boys in Trucker Hats. Look out for a THB in future entries. Trucker-Hat-Boy. But, El Toro's not going anywhere. Don't worry.
from pixie0323 :
i highly doubt that you're actually a shy guy, bub. and i'm also willing to bet that you bear little or no resemblence to a dorky dick york! i found a great site online that has a whole slew of them, so if you really want to see some of them, i'll look up the web address for you. you'd probably get a kick out of them. they're fab! oh, congrats on the sex. sex is always a good thing, even if you did have to do the spending the night (or part of it) thing. i totally understand you on that one! i can never sleep when i sleep over (or when someone sleeps over here.) but when you have that connection with someone (like you and #1) sleeping is so comfortable and sexy. i hope you get that again soon, bub!
from onandso-on :
Damn dude that was some heavy shit, and a Beautiful entry, (God I sound gay right now) oh, that reminds me whachadoinlater Big boy
from bubaloo :
Well, I meant with El Toro too! That's not fair to him, keeping your light under a basket, just shine! I think that sometimes when we are trying to protect our heart too much, we deny the people that we are with our full brilliance. I could be wrong though. Scary.
from lissacakes :
One: I've got three different medications for the three things I believe to be wrong with me. If those fail, I will go to the doctor and claim that I am destitute. Two: As far as needing to not share so much, I meant with El Toro, not with you guys!!!! Though, he'll say something very sweet, and then I totally change my mind on that.
from pixie0323 :
hey bub! i just got home last night and i was too tired to write. i'll try to catch up on everyone's entries today and then i'll start the process of the vacation explication! so much to tell! :)
from lissacakes :
You're making me want to show him! I told him I've got something I wrote about him I'm actually going to let him read and he got all excited. It's my March 26th entry, not this one. I've read him the last paragraph before, but not the whole thing. And he's read PART of that one poem you told me I had to show him, but he did not know it was about him (took out the parts that made it obvious). I think if the one I do show him goes over well, I'll let him see the whole poem. I'm in SUCH a sharing mood today.
from lissacakes :
awww, you're giving me a big head
from lissacakes :
My birthday is June 20th, so I am on the cusp of Gemini and Cancer, which I have been told perfectly explains my annoying behavior, whatever that is supposed to mean. I took off everyone's comments because I am lame and they sounded lame. They did not do you guys justice!
from sirkeljerk :
Finally back dude, sucks working for the man. How are things out in padre land?
from lissacakes :
oh, give me a little break, will ya? I couldn't think of a title!
from lissacakes :
There were days I thought so, too. For awhile, I thought about my dad, then it was my little brothers, then it was just writing. February of this year was definitely the hardest month of my life. I just felt like every single person I knew let me down. But, yes, I am feeling better, though I feel like a bit of a sellout what with all my happy-go-lucky-in-loveness. Thanks for your note. I think that's why I started writing in a public journal - to have somebody somewhere actually notice when I was happy for a moment.
from lissacakes :
Oh, that made me smile. I've been wondering what little James is up to. So glad your life is so much better now. Have sooo much fun in LA. I'm so jealous. I want a FULL report on EVERYthing you see and do when you return.
from lulublu :
Oh my pinocchio! I am so proud of you. And I can only imagine how beautiful your son is. It made me cry a little.....
from onandso-on :
Dude nice entry, I am so glad you got to see your boy. I am also so happy he is with his grandpa thats the best thing I have heard all month. oh and you will be eating freezer burned pork chops for dinner Friday and Saturday. hope you dont mind the spliting axe wounds. I love ya bro.
from groovebunny :
awww...bub's in love!:) that is so fantastic. you deserve it.:)
from lissacakes :
i've wanted to live without a car and be all environmental conscious girl, try to move more downtown/central corridor and work in that area as phoenix is way spread out and has horrible public transportation and i'm up north and i work out east in scottsdale at this time. i'm finding, there are no buses that will go where i need to go when i need to go. you're right though about the interesting people. i took buses, subways, trains all over la (scary scary) and sd (a more manageable fun kind of scary) and have some 'interesting' stories out of it all.
from lissacakes :
Yeah, I guess I over-reacted a little bit. Possibly. Maybe.
from miss-k2 :
glad to hear that your in love. You are such a sweetheart, you deserve to be happy
from pixie0323 :
whoops . . . addendum to last note. not that optimism is a BAD thing in your case because you're really sweet and funny and you will find someone who treats you the way you deserve to be treated. ok? hope you didn't take that the wrong way the first time. :)
from pixie0323 :
yeah, ron might not be the best target for the spinning thing. or maybe he's really into it but he was afraid that you'd think he was too heavy or his ass was fat or something. i hear that's often an issue in the spinning around thing. keep at it. you're going to find the perfect person to spin! damn . . . the optimism is just flowing tonight, eh?!
from lissacakes :
I so like that idea. Recording your feelings with the plan of showing them later how strongly you felt even back then. I totally do that, too, but I never thought to say it that way. Very sweet. Very, very.
from pixie0323 :
bub . . . i know that i probably shouldn't be responding to that last entry because it was private from you to your girl, but what the hell. i'm going to anyway. that was so sweet. i hope she read it and knows how wonderful you are! :)
from pixie0323 :
yeah, i probably should have beat him up. i could have taken him! the lazy bastard. ok, i've never been in a fight in my life, and he was twice my size, but i was pissed man! i could have at least given him a swift kick in the shins! never underestimate the power of little women with a mission!
from pixie0323 :
awww bub. sorry about the tattoo. unexpectedly small paychecks are a bitch, aren't they? and yes, i'm in full agreement that we both need professional help. (or shock treatment!) thanks for all the advice on H. i'm still not sure what to do . . . especially after the incident this morning. i'm still going for bastard, but he's making it so difficult!
from groovebunny :
Sorry to hear about your check and that the tat will have to wait. I have the same problem in that I want everything so I spend, spend, spend. ;)
from lissacakes :
I wouldn't want there to be the Bill Clinton type of non-sex either though. It's all a bit weird. I'm kind of getting over caring about his feelings and his issues. Maybe my issues should take precedence for once! Humph! So there.
from groovebunny :
so...where can i find this other blog? or is a secret? :)
from pixie0323 :
yes, you're right. he knows exactly how to push my buttons. (see! with the damned sexual puns again. i think this is some sort of disorder. i'm going to have to be medicated or something.) anywho . . . i'm glad that i'll be busy all weekend. that will give me enough time (hopefully) to once again think he's an asshole.
from cryondemand :
He he. Glad to know I'm not alone in my dysfunctionality (is that a word?). Thanks for stopping by and saying hi.
from pixie0323 :
where's your other diary, bub?
from pixie0323 :
i really don't intend the puns. i swear. and maybe no one other than you would get them if i didn't constantly say "pardon the pun!" it's just that i have an incredibly dirty mind sometimes and pretty much anything can be turned into something sexual. i don't know why. at least it keeps me entertained! and no, no glory hole. i'm sure there's one somewhere here though, dammit, dirty ass sorority girl school. (ewww . . . but that means that the frat guys . . . oh. ewww. enough!)
from lissacakes :
I am okay. I am freaking out about money, but what is new. My pretty face, as Lulublu put it is fine. And as for El Toro paying, I'm sure he always intended to but I hate being in a position to expect it.
from onandso-on :
You know bub, if I were just some random person passing through and came across your diary and read several entry’s, i.e. “what I do at work” or getting a tattoo” or “down in TJ.” I would think to my self NO BODY could have a life so surreal or funny or tormented or just plan wacky. But can I just say as a guy that as been written about in your diary, loved on in your diary and strait bashed in your diary…ALL THIS SHIT IS SO TRUE, ALL OF IT!! You (as well as me) have the most bazaar life ever. Nicely done Krazy and where’s my FUCKING PENS BEOOOCHHH!!!!!!! See ya Friday Ron
from groovebunny :
haha i don't think there's anything at all spontaneous about getting a tattoo...unless you do it when you're drunk and don't give a crap about who's doing it and exactly what you're getting. ;) for mine i had to meet the tat artist, because he wanted to make sure i had good karma before he would even touch me. haha. then it was even another 4 days before i could get my tat because he wanted to do several variations of the design i came up with, so it was more of a collaborative effort. i thought it kinda weird at first, but sitting there for four hours and talking with him while he worked was cool. he was a true artist. he even got me to sing for him while he worked. not an easy thing to do with a needle being drilled into your back. lol.
from pixie0323 :
don't worry bub. it's not like jewel's big or anything. it's not like she's popular or beautiful or successful. oh . . . wait. nevermind. (sorry, i just had to torture you for the fun of it.) no, lissa's completely right. for some reason i just can't love him. and some day in the future when he's famous i'll look back fondly and say that he loved me and i had the decency to not trample his heart. or maybe we'll successfully be friends and i'll get to occasionally visit his mansion and hang out with his supermodel wife!
from lissacakes :
whoa, whoa, whoa... a little slow on the uptake, but AZ sucks! Ah-hem, when's the last time the Padres won a world series? That's what I thought, buddy boy. Come on, it's not that bad. It's not SD, but then again SD is no LA... my first love... I'm scared to death of the damn place but I LUV IT! dirtygrimysexyla
from onandso-on :
that is some funny shit bub, and very true, the only thing is, now I'm jonesing for a tat. why do I always have to be the adult in this relationship. got go CALL THE SHOP MAKE AN APPOINTMENT. ron
from onandso-on :
that is some funny shit bub, and very true, the only thing is, now I'm jonesing for a tat. why do I always have to be the adult in this relationship. got go CALL THE SHOP MAKE AN APPOINTMENT. ron
from lissacakes :
There's "more, more..." all posted up for ya.
from lissacakes :
What a delightful, cute post! I had a similar experience trying to get a spontaneous tattoo walking by a shop in PB. It was even in the book. I wanted a little candy conversation heart that said "Lick Me" and they were being all non-commital about price and doing it at all. Come on, guys, you had an 18 year old girl there who wanted you to tattoo her ass, what's the deal?!
from miss-k2 :
hey bub, show us a link to your tatoo will ya? Sounds purdy.
from lulublu :
hahhaha! Your tattoo saga cracked me up... you reminded me a a kid that's excited xmas is coming....always find pictures of what you want and make and appointment....
from lissacakes :
OK, sigh, I cannot refrain from discussing what I'm wearing...live for details...I should discuss what El Toro wears too, which I'm sure will do nothing for you.
from lulublu :
LOL! You're such a bastard....but you crack me up anyway. He really is a shithead.
from lissacakes :
Yeah, I always suspected he was. I hate how really effeminate guys always complain that girls want to be treated like shit and want someone who uses them. No, you can be a sweet guy without being a pansy. I'm hoping he is this guy.
from groovebunny :
yeah get a tatoo! i love religious symbols also, even though i'm not very religious. and how can you go wrong putting your mom's name in it? :) i always wanted a tatoo but wanted to wait until i thought of something that would mean something to me, ya know...didn't want to be trendy. after i had my little guy, i designed a ying yang sun moon with his initials in celtic letters within it. yup. go for the tattoo. what a great way to say you love your mom.
from lissacakes :
That tattoo sounds fucking awesome. I'm going to get an infinity symbol on my lower back and a honey bee on my tummy. I've got a sun but it's kinda lame.
from pixie0323 :
ohhhh . . . i HATE those dates. i had a date once where i actually considered going to the bathroom and calling a cab. glad you survived. attraction is SO important. and it sounded like she had zero personality as well. better luck next time!
from lissacakes :
You just described every date I have ever been on in my life. Only the non-dates that I wish would be dates are ever any good. I think I only like unrequited love.
from lulublu :
TRAGEDY!!!!! Just as I got home and started to type you an IM, you SIGNED OFF....I'm a little distraught....Soooo, I've decided that you need to write a song SPECIFICALLY inspired by me.....hahahah, just thought you should know. You're a tealented fellow, and I am a goddess, so therefore, it should not be a problem. LOL
from lulublu :
Listen here sir. If I was going to pay you(which, let's be honest would never be necessary) it would be for oh so much more than that.....hahahaha
from lissacakes :
Biblical references. "It is my religion." "reveling in sorrow." "relishing heartache." Man.is.pre-ordained.for.pain. [Pant.Pant.Pant] Must.stop.and.catch.breath. Not to mention completely getting my "exhausted." What the hell are you trying to DO TO ME over there?!
from lissacakes :
I in fact meant both forms of exhausted that you named. You are so perceptive. I don't know if he will get it. I don't know if he gets anything.
from onandso-on :
you fucker bub if you go to the Gold spike your takin me beeooch!!!!!! just like the good ol' days when it was just me, you and a couple of ...well.. you know the rest of the torchard story...trator ron
from lissacakes :
That was great. I wanna come. I wanna come.
from pixie0323 :
your last entry was SO bukowski! ah . . . i love it!
from lissacakes :
On here, I feel the emotion pouring out of me through the keys. But how do I turn journal entries into "stories"? I like how in your entries, you don't hide. You aren't afraid to have emotions. My epiphany for the day was that being emotional is not weak! It's stronger to tackle your emotions head on rather than hide.
from lissacakes :
Thanks for the note. Hearing a guy say that he is sending me mixed messages and screwing me around really helps, because I was beginning to wonder if I was just being "a girl" about it. But no, he's really pushing me away, then dragging me back. I thought he was different. I thought even if he didn't want me, HE wouldn't do this to me. A little bit more cynical, but a little bit wiser, too.
from pixie0323 :
i'm staring to wonder if i'll ever find someone like that. are there really men out there that absolutely adore their girlfriends? i always see them out in grocery stores and coffeeshops, but i always wonder if that's just a chance occurence. i want a guy to truly love me. and i want to truly love someone. you think i should get rid of H, don't you? i think that i probably do, but i'm hanging on so tight and i don't know why.
from pixie0323 :
i had like 5 of her songs down at first, but then i started thinking "this is going to be one fucked up movie" so i tried to round it out a little bit! i saw on her website that she's starting to record a new album. i can't wait!
from lulublu :
how old is your son?
from lulublu :
Happy Easter my little Pinnochio! <3 Jiminy hahahah
from lissacakes :
thanks. that means so much to me. sigh...
from pixie0323 :
awwww bub. don't be so glum. you'll get some soon. maybe you should call the sicilian and work out some sort of non-relationship benefits thing.
from lissacakes :
I know. We were all sad sacks.
from pixie0323 :
there must have been some sort of cosmic disturbance last night. you, lissa, and i were all majorly bummed out. very strange! feel better, bub.
from pantypulldwn :
hey sexy! thanks! you're never far from my thoughts! congrat on the bouncing baby boy!!!
from lulublu :
ROTF.....You make me smile. In that guilty kind of way.... Hope your day was fab.
from lissacakes :
Yes, of course. But I told the idiot I was going already, and why is he being all "no more hints." It's too much aggravation for such a simple conversation. I'm not on the pot. I have had a lot of caffeine.
from lulublu :
POLO!!!! hahahah. And you know, it's not "Aye papi" but rather, "ay papi!" Though a small distinction, the former is a little less salsa and a lot more Spanish pirate wench. Which now that I think about it, still works.......DAMN I'm good!
from lissacakes :
You know I don't feel brave, but in the last six months, I keep getting called brave. I think it's really me spazzing out and doing things that maybe are a bit rash, but fun to laugh about anyway. My favorite line of that song: You could always stop an engine cold. I love cars. I "love" heartbreak. Nice metaphor.
from lissacakes :
just to clarify... i didn't give him the newest poem about him, but he's seen the others... and probably gathered that there's another... he found me a poem with "Melissa" in it but says he has to write me one that will do me justice, what a dweebie
from lulublu :
So it's two am and I just don't want to be at work....just thought I would share. Hmm...Perhaps I'll join you in the pool. Shallow or deep end? Aye Papi! HAHAHAH
from sirkeljerk :
Man could not have said it better myself, except that my entry would have been filled with rage at the '84 Padres and that diabolic, deep dark awful Steve Garvey. His name has been a cuss in my house ever since. But my Cubbies are 1-0 and its a whole new year!
from pixie0323 :
i love baseball games. the grape snowcones on white pants and the sunburned shoulders and flip-flop tan lines. all wonderful. couldn't feel more like summer!
from lissacakes :
You're almost making me want to watch baseball, well at least go to a game and have a hot dog and nice refreshing er- soda. Baseball does have better fans than football, or basketball, or hockey for that matter - stupid vegetarian communist Canadians.
from pantypulldwn :
hey, baby! i've so missed your loving. where've you been???drop me an email for a special pic. leahsaa96@hotmail.com
from lissacakes :
yesterday, el toro came over and i was in the shower when he arrived. of course he says i was washing off the ham smell, which is good he adds, because ham smell really doesn't do anything for him. "why should i care what does anything for you?" so he shut up. what an ass.
from lissacakes :
haha. thanks.
from lissacakes :
Tell me about it. tIt would be entirely too simple to like someone who'd be good for you. Then you wouldn't get to feel like you'd been punched in the gut all the time.
from lulublu :
OMG! ROTFLMAO!!! You are a bad man..... ;)
from lulublu :
You think I'm COOOOOOOL! You think I'm FUUUUUNNY! hahahah! I AM THE BESTEST! (sorry, I couldn't help myself) Love, Jiminy Crickett
from lissacakes :
Oh, yes, Pixie is with Douglas, or "Dougie." I'm sure she'll have an interesting entry on Monday. Worth the wait.
from lissacakes :
Ah, I'm jealous you got to talk to her live. But I have to stay away from the IM myself, or I will never see daylight again! I can get a bit immersed in it... like three hours talking to people from HS I didn't even like back then. :)!
from lissacakes :
I so love your notes. I am having a lot of good days recently. Sigh, I guess cuz I'm "in love." I giggle all the time and probably annoy the hell out of everyone around me, but piss on them. I can still be snarky when it's called for. I saw your notes to Lulublu. Isn't she hilarious?! Now, she and Pixie need to hook up and we've totally got a diaryland four-way. LOL.
from lissacakes :
Oh, I don't get free whole hams or anything. But I get a free lunch when working. And the manager said he was going to try to keep me on for weekends after Easter. He doesn't even know if I am a good worker yet. Must think I'm cute... fine by me.
from lissacakes :
El Toro is making snide-ass remarks, then apologizing, then making more remarks. He's got me questioning meat-eating and he's got me about ready to register to vote. I don't change myself for guys, but he's making me think about changing certain things for myself. Anyway, I'll serve up a few hams to have money for my whiskey sours and merlot, baby. Oh, and electricity and water and my lovely cell phone on which El Toro calls me each and every day.
from lulublu :
Well, since I am absurdly broke and don't have a car: I would, at the very least wait with you at the bus stop. Nothing says frienship like THAT. LOL
from lulublu :
So, after reading just four of your entries, I'm already caught in a love/hate attraction dynamic....you crack me up and piss me off! LOL...(it's only a matter of time before we become entangled in a torrid IM affair)..... ;D
from lissacakes :
Ah, silver lining. Yes, I see your point. He said he was worried about changing the dynamic to our mutual detriment. I said I wanted to change the dynamic to our mutual benefit, but if he's not open to it, there's nothing to discuss. To sum up my current feelings: oh. well.
from lissacakes :
I'm not hurt, but I totally still feel the same about him. It's weird. I thought I'd be totally hurt, and I'm actually thinking he's the stupid one. Odd, unusual, new way to take this kind of thing for me. Anyway, I think we may need to start referring to him as La Tora, as you suggested, at least now and then for giggles. He needs to be beat up, and I can't do it, because then it'd be "sexual."
from lissacakes :
Well, we've got an "answer" as to the El Toro question.
from lissacakes :
Yeah, Pix and I totally like the lilies. I go for yellow calla lilies (not that anyone's ever asked)! Anyway, I totally thought you said you had one hot night with Patty the bartender. I's confused.
from pixie0323 :
ooooh, ooooh, ooooh, i know! i know! (waving my hand around like that annoying little kid in second grade!) you should get her a nice big bunch of flowers (preferably lillies . . . roses are too much, even yellow ones. definitely lillies) i think flowers should do the trick. so pretty. or if you know anything else about her, like fave dessert or fave book, or something, that would be good too. oh . . . and i'm not THAT mean!
from meganwaits :
Nothing like reopening a cold case. I like your style of writing. Wishing you all the best.
from lissacakes :
So, no sleeping with his friends? Or, do sleep with his friend so they can say how good I am and I can have him just once? Decision, decisions! Most of his single friends are girls! :)
from groovebunny :
Congrats on hitting the big 90. That's a wonderful accomplishment. :) Hope you're feeling better too. My allergies are acting up now, total pain in the butt. lol. *hugs*
from miss-k2 :
Love doesn't suck all of the time, that is what gives me hope, not a lot of hope, but some. Take care sweetie.
from lissacakes :
"bright neon plastic mansion"... I like that. You should put that in a song, poem, story, something.
from pixie0323 :
you're completely right. and i hate that you're right. because even though i know what i should do, and what the truth is, it still stings, ya know? thanks for telling me the truth though, because i wouldn't have admitted it to myself without someone else bringing it up.
from lissacakes :
I actually agree with your note to me. Thanks.
from onandso-on :
90 days hell ya you rock on Beeooch!!! just think a life filled with..... and then there is...and some more...well you know. I am so fucking happy to have my hommie back. Also playing my favorit songs with you agian is kinda like being with a old lover. speeking of old lovers (what are you doing later) Did I say I'm so happy to have my boy back. Traitor Ron
from lissacakes :
What is it about those tokens that I've seen people caressing them in their hands as they sit at a bar and try to decide the rest of their lives? Those tokens mean something that I can't grasp. I don't understand how someone with actual problems in their life listens to someone like me bitch and moan about stupid shit. But thanks for listening.
from pixie0323 :
yeah. savannah kicks ass. i've always wanted to live there with all the funky/weird/interesting people (watch "midnight in the garden of good and evil") and you'll see what i mean. some of the characters in there are real in real life. i'm just not sure that the school is right for me. we'll see. haven't even applied yet!
from lissacakes :
mel, melly, lissa, whatev. I'm in a funk about him and the poem issue. I gave someone else a poem once, and El Toro was there, and I feel lame about the whole writing poems for people thing now. El Toro has read the first one which was actually to someone else, but El Toro was the co-worker boy cameo. Hey, it's something right? It shows his progression... :)
from pixie0323 :
thanks bub! in regards to your solo performance the other day . . . perfection. you're living somewhat of a dream, i think. you're doing something because you love it, and people notice! but you would do it anyway, anyhow, anywhere, even if there was no one around. and hey . . . remember the little people!
from lissacakes :
Ah, it wasn't REALLY bullshit then, just became bullshit all of a sudden.
from lissacakes :
How to compliment you? Don't want to say, "That's Great" or "Cool" or anything so obvious. If I were you and that happened to me today, it'd be about the best day of my life, which maybe is just commentary on my boring life, but is meant to show how awesome that sounds to me. You must keep writing in your diary when you are a famous, adored musician!
from lissacakes :
He is referring to himself in the third person as El Toro, and occasionally making bull noises, so yes he is way into the El Toro nickname. Come on, how am I supposed to resist someone making bull noises?
from lissacakes :
LOL. Just say "dirty girl" for me so you don't get in trouble even if Lissa and Lisa sound pretty close.
from lissacakes :
freaky girl comment below was about alabama, not the sicilian. on the sicilian - nice. Have some for me, too.
from pixie0323 :
bub . . .? didn't we have a conversation about first date sex? i'm disappointed in you. i thought we agreed that first date sex (oral or otherwise) is supposed to take place in public if it's going to happen! Just kidding! good for you bub! sounds like you may have met a match!
from lissacakes :
What a fuh-reaky girl.
from pixie0323 :
bub . . . that's so great that you've been asked to sponsor someone. that means that other people are seeing what you've been working so hard at. congratulations and i'm sure you'll do a great job!
from groovebunny :
I am so glad to hear Alabama is out of the picture for awhile. Taking off is probably the best thing gift she can give James. And get down with your bad self getting asked to sponsor. That really says volumes about how other see you.:) Don't feel to bad about not getting to drink on St. Patricks day. I didn't get to drink either. Not even a toast. So...any clues on who you're crushing on? Enquiring minds want to know! lol. I know. I'm too noisey :) *hugs*
from lissacakes :
I live off that in-between feeling, but something must be wrong, because it NEVER goes past that. Maybe I seek out other people who also have the same problem. I found the name of the chemical that your brain releases when you are infatuated on a medical web site one day. And it said that it may be that some people are physiologically addicted to that chemical and behave accordingly. Hmmmm...
from pixie0323 :
phil can surely have a pillow if he so desires one. but watch yourself b/c someday it could be YOUR ass on the line!
from weirdaunt :
I'm just losing control if you can't get in. ;)
from lissacakes :
Thoughts on Bub's recent entries: 1) Anna sounds wonderful. 2) It's too bad Rachel cannot/will not go stay with you. And, 3) I can't wait for more James stories.
from pixie0323 :
doug got a name b/c i'm a lazy bastard and D was already taken. and the initial system is getting confusing. i wish i'd given him a cute nickname, but dammit . . . he's stuck with it now! :)
from iluvtunes :
Hey, doll! Thanks for the support with all my hillbilly drama. I'm really sorry to hear about all the shit that's going on with you and your daughter. I was going through that all last year with my daughter, and it's SOOOO fucking scary, and hard, and you just feel so fucking impotent cuz ya don't know how to fix it. It will get better for her eventually. (atleast that's what I keep telling myself about my daughter!) I haven't seen ya in Lestat's for awhile. Where ya been? xo.......Christina
from lissacakes :
yes. Yes. YES. Modern English's "I Melt with You." Doesn't get any better. Equally good in different ways, but no better.
from pixie0323 :
congrats babe! i'm so happy for you and little JLS! i'm back from break so i'll be writing and checking on you again! love ya!
from sirkeljerk :
First congrats on your man James, hope everything turns out the way it should for you and his mom. Second, the one night stand with the 16 yr old, that I can understand. I got no moral problems with it and like I said, hard tight bodies, etc. It is the my job and married life depend on my not doing this that I have trouble getting my head around, but, i've never been confronted with the situation. Anyway, I thank to god I'm not dating a 16 year old.
from lissacakes :
i left you a note on my page. you probably saw it.
from lissacakes :
artistic lawyers? hmmm, pondering this? aye... no i just don't see it. artistic chemist, maybe.
from lissacakes :
apropos certainly is a word... at the appropriate time
from lissacakes :
Semi-Charmed Life... ahhhh... high school for me... summer days lying comotose on the beach... nice. "Have you ever noticed I exist?" Totally made me think of something I've been trying to do the last few days. I put it on my diary rather than filling up your whole notes page.
from lissacakes :
So cute, little James playing video games////////// I'm not sure what a "condom" is either, it's been awhile, I just read it on the wrapper. I figured "Large" was a good thing.
from pantypulldwn :
hey hottie, my pics are up. lots of cyber hugs to you! hang in there!
from groovebunny :
Okay I'm finally up-to-date on your journal. Congrats Daddy! James is a wonderful name. :) I'm sorry to read that you've had a rough past month. Love is hard. And I know what you mean about being alone. But even so, this rough month has led up to such a beautiful moment, James being born. I don't know where you and Alabama will end up. But I think you're on the right course with James. Little boys need their daddies. *hugs*
from lissacakes :
Well, I did post, but I was short. I'm roaming the town waiting for some excitement to come my way. I mean I'm standing there with a sandwich board on the corner that says, "Looking for a good time," but I haven't found it yet. Usually, I have random thoughts I spew out anyway, but not the last couple days. I feel so unlike me in that way. ... I like the name James, too.
from lissacakes :
congratulations... and are you sure that's not his umbilical cord?
from miss-k2 :
congrats, big daddy.
from missk2 :
So sorry about Alabama. I'll kick her ass for you if you would like. I'm quite violent you know.
from lissacakes :
What a small world. I lived on the 10th floor of Tioga. J-House... what dorks we all were.
from lissacakes :
It was in a strip mall and Cafe Athena sounds right though I don't remember the Vons. I only lived down there for one year and I actually lived in La Jolla (dorms, dorms, not some big ritzy house), so I don't remember that many particulars. Every time my dad came to visit, I had him take me there for a free meal. So where do you hang out in San Diego, then?
from bubaloo :
Was the greek restaurant Cafe Athena? In the strip mall by the Von's? I like that place also. I lived on Fanuel and Oliver for 3 years. I guess as far as beach towns go, it's ok. But at night time, forget about it. Plastic City.
from lissacakes :
awwww come on, i really liked garnet, and i'm not excessively shallow. i love the beach and i always found fun things to wear on my head and there was a greek restaurant i liked walking distance from the shops. but, yeah...shallow, i think once the sun went down on a weekend night, there were more fake boobs there than anywhere else i've ever been. at least i didn't say la jolla cove, talk about vapid people.
from lissacakes :
I think you'll be walking down Garnet or Mission or something one day and bump into the girl who is going to love your smile and want to hold your hand more than anything else and whose heart is going to skip a beat over you. But it's always when you're about to give up on it happening, if not when you haven't already...
from pixie0323 :
worry not, my dearest bub. you're going to love your little boy more and teach him more than you can ever imagine. so, how exactly do i go about telling A that i'm no longer into him? i need it from a guy's perspective.
from lissacakes :
I made several typos in that. I feel this urge to edit my note, but I cannot. D-land won't let me. Argh.
from lissacakes :
I love that song U2 and that song, but with that and other things I felt he was telling me his ex was unrealistically demanding and that he ate it up/ he crawled (oh, that imagery drives me crazy). I wanted him on the floor (with glass shards beneath his knees) crawling to ME, so it made me jealous/sick to my stomach......... I totally feel for you on the Michelle thing. Alambama...A boy, huh? I adore little boys. I have little brothers, so I totally want to have two little boys if I ever have kids.
from pixie0323 :
oh oh oh. i just thought of a new rule for you to go by when doing this online flirting thing. i should have included this in the first note. new rule to live by: immediately stop talking to a girl if she includes . . . "and a 1/2" in her age. honestly--do you ever hear a 34 year old woman say "well . . . i'm thirty four and a 1/2." no. there's good reason for that. she's a grown up. what would i do without you in my world as entertainment, bub? love ya!
from pixie0323 :
oh bub. you might just be screwed buddy because i've decided no law school for me. avoid jailbait babe! oh, i read lissa's notes, so i saw your comment too. i sincerely believe in that!
from lissacakes :
16 and 1/2?...no, no, no...no. Saw a little high school age girl wearing the cutest shirt the other day, "Come on. You'd go to jail for this." ahhhh???? nonononono, no. very bad.
from miss-k2 :
60 days... atta boy Bub.
from lissacakes :
thanks. i hear bongo drums just looking at it. then i dance around a little. fun times. yes, pixie's note was very insightful, wasn't it?!
from lissacakes :
yeah, but i feel a bit of a priss ordering those umbrella-drinks...maybe jack, which i usually reserve for vegas...oh, that could be very, very bad
from lissacakes :
that's so great!!! ... what is it about bartenders? i really dig bartenders...
from pixie0323 :
congrats bub! i'm so proud of you!
from lissacakes :
oye vey (sp?). yes! there must be cosmic order. there's mostly nothing, but then there's a little something to even things up for a bit. constant slight corrections. i don't believe in destiny, but i believe in "karmic balance," it's why people don't go spinning off the planet. well, that and gravity, i spose.
from pixie0323 :
yeah, i'm going to have to start with some sort of different naming system because it is getting kind of confusing. and it seemed so easy at first! anyhow . . . in regards to your bad day, i'm sorry. but trust me, oh fellow edwards fan, that singing pretty much any song from Failer at the top of your lungs while driving will always do the trick. love ya! feel better!
from pantypulldwn :
hey, big boy! you know the drill you have to email me~leahsaa96@hotmail.com
from lissacakes :
Thanks for the note. Yeah, without the shit, the awesome stuff doesn't stick out and get noticed. I too find joy in little things: making perfect macaroni and cheese without any milk, washing all my clothes in one day, making a stranger laugh. And most the time, those things are enough. :) I'm making you a fav too. Anyone who wants to hear what I'm up to, I want to see what they're up to!
from pattymelt :
yeah, i thought so too. the little bunny is very cute!
from pixie0323 :
yeah. i have absolutely no idea what i'll do when i run out of letters (or just start repeating them!) hopefully i'll find love before then. (but start formulating a plan for me anyhow, ok?!) ya know . . . just in case!
from groovebunny :
Whew! So glad you're back to writing again. Sometimes it's good too to make that fresh start, new diary. Now this time, no giving out your password! lol. And congrats on making over 50 days now! I'm really proud of ya bub. That's quite an accomplishment.:D Glad your Vday was filled with the love of Gracie. Mine was filled with the flu, but such is life. lol. *hugs*
from miss-k2 :
I tried to leave you a note yesterday. I would tell you to make a link on your page to your notes but you would probably mess it all up.
from pixie0323 :
yay! i'm your first note in your new diary! ok, first of all, thanks so much for the comment on your profile about me! so sweet! second, run . . . run like the wind if you don't want to get involved with ______. she's attached, bub. stuck like glue to you. and i'm saying this in the most sincere way. if you're still not wanting to be WITH her run like hell before the shit hits the fan, my friend. alright. saga over. love ya!

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