DiaryLand members area

I'm glad you got that angry organ out of you! And I'm happy you're better and things are going well in your relationship. By the way, your imput means a lot to me...thanks for all the advice.

from devian :

i'm happy things are going well and that you stuck through all the madness. i'm also glad you're healing from your surgery! have fun in hawaii :) there is one island i've always wanted to go to and is said to be very low-key. it's starts with an "M" and is one word, i believe. i can't recall now, but it's really beautiful, like the rest of hawaii! :)

from bunny828 :

I hope you are feeling better soon.

from crazee24 :

Uh oh.. somehow this is not sounding good, at all. He hasn't changed.. AT ALL, but you can't really change people so this wasn't unexpected. I thought that this was true love. ? You wouldn't cheat on your boyfriend if you really really loved him and wanted to be committed to him, just because he's lied in the past too. That makes both of you the same level of immature and chilish. Are you guys sitll even seeing the counsellor? :S

from tmb :

About that new computer set-up: wow!

from fifskasj :

When will you write again? I miss hearing what goes on in your life.

from pfirsich :

I just think your boyfriend is never gonna change.If you are insecure,don�t be embarrassed by it.Feature it!Don�t hide it.I think it�s cute! You have nothing to be ashamed about.Insecurity is not a crime!! No need to hide it!

from fifskasj :

My favorite line was certainly that which stated that his promises are without merit. It was well written, and truly showed your wisdom concerning the situation. Just don't forget it. I'm not saying "don't date him," but I am saying that whatever you decide will obviously have to be well justified, since you have certainly put much thought into all of this.

from crazee24 :

I really feel for you. I can't imagine what you're going through. I know that love is a precious thing that isn't always perfect, it just seems that you've tried so hard and nothing's come out of it; nothing has seemed to change. Also, like you said, a big thing for you is keeping you and your spirit healthy. Well for one, he cheated on you. He may believe that gay men are naturally "slutty" and sleep around more or whatever but you clearly stated that you did not want a relationship like that, and for him doing that to you more than once, proves that I believe he doesn't deserve you. You don't deserve THAT at all. I suppose that some people are able to look past that [I'm not.. maybe it's a weakness or a strength on my part, I really don't know] and that's their business, but I also believe that successful relationships cannot just be based on love and passion. There has to be more; personalities, values, and actions have to click. I guess that's why there's so many divorces in this day and age. :P I hope that whatever happens, things work out for the best for you in the end and that eventually you can find peace and happiness.

from bunny828 :

You sound so torn. When reading your entry, a question or two occured to me: Do you love him or do you love being loved by him? Is this love or a need being filled (as in Codependance)? I really think you should like who you are with when you are with the one you love. If you don't like who you are when you are with him then maybe this is not love. That neediness and jeaously may not be love.

from pfirsich :

Awesome,to be exact.You keep it!Keep it up!

from pfirsich :

I lovvvve the insecurity.I love what you call insecurity. It�s very lustful for me,it makes you look like a forbidden fruit,like the red apple snowwhite was poisoned with. You know how the old witch took an apple that was super red and attractive so snowwhite would pick it? So,the insecurity makes you look like that,like an apple so red it�s almost a vice? You feel like it�s a vice eating it. I think the insecurity is way cool.

from crazee24 :

Glad to hear things are going good at counselling, but so far it sounds like there's still much to change.. he should respect you enough to not steal you booze and already start living there as if it's a hotel. I guess people can't change overnight.. If he keeps up w/ his immature ways I'd prolong his moving in. You'll probably end up back at square 1, just with a more expensive rent for him to have an even harder time finding with no job. Good luck though.

from pfirsich :

Chrystal ball,haha,now that WAS funny,I compliment you! What does this expression mean:you have a fork? Does it mean:being at a crossroads? Or does it mean you know already where you want to go? Or what?

from devian :

let me look into my crystal ball (no pun intended)...i foresee many great things in the next 12 months...i see the two of you looking back on a lot of things and laughing. <3

from pfirsich :

Hey,oh,one thing:I�m not your idol,you are MY idol. It must be this way round cause otherwise you can�t talk and have no effect. You are MY idol.

from devian :

AIM: makisupa97. i'm on now! :)

from devian :

i only get half the story, like you've said (your side, his side and the truth) and i don't like immediately jumping on the "dump him" bandwagon. i feel that if you are really in love with someone, you'll work through the problems. when i met my BF, things were great. a few months down the line, i fell into a huge depression (for various reasons). that depression lead to a full blown nervous breakdown and an emotionally frail time that lasted about three years, so half of our relationship. had he given up on me during that first year, we would not be where we are today. we've overcome so much, i've changed A LOT, he's changed a lot and we've grown closer than i thought was humanly possible. of course, it's your life and you know that is best for you, i'm just offering you support if you choose to work through the issues you are having in your relationship.

from peteypuke :

giant hug from chicago

from devian :

:( this news makes me very sad. i'm sorry!

from devian :

well, i know that much, but that stuff can be worked through. it's the passion and love that allows you to work through it and not just say: "fuck it! see ya!"

from devian :

i'm so happy that you got the loft!!! i don't think of what you two share as "problems" i think of it as "PASSION"!

from kizzykim :

I think it was Matt Groening who said, "Love is like racing across the frozen tundra on a snowmobile which flips over, trapping you underneath. At night, the ice-weasels come." A little extreme, I know, but accurate, nonetheless. I sincerely hope it all works out for you.

from finjamartens :

Yeah,well,ok,but I think that the rules should be for both partners the same.That means that it�s just a rule in your house:cans can be thrown at each other,this is accepted. This won�t be punished. I think it�s fair if both are allowed to do it. I mean,I guess you don�t wanna go nuts on drugs to make that even-but I feel then he must allow you other thing he don�t like himself,maybe spend long evenings with other people he don�t like or something-so you feel like it�s a fair deal and like you�re even. Cause now it�s like he is above you,and is the king,who is allowed to spit on you and you�re not allowed to reciprocate. So next time just throw the cup back-then at least you�re even. Although I still think deserve better........

from devian :

those who have not been truly in love just dont understand what you are going through right now. true love has made me go through shit i swore i'd never tolerate (bad stuff) and things i never thought were possible (good stuff). you've got to accept BOTH. you gotta take the salt and the sugar. those believing love is all roses and candle-lit dinners are diluted and will be sad their entire lives because they will never find that! lord have mercy.

from finjamartens :

Hey,that email adress isn�t working,I just checked it and saw I got it deactivated.I tried to activate it but they got technical problems. So you can take this one:[email protected]

from finjamartens :

I think you can use:[email protected] You wrote:"It's a pattern of rudeness which was developed in childhood from parents who: (1.) ignored or allowed it (2.) didn't give a fuck." Isn�t that EXACTLY the same thing you are doing? He throws cans at you and either allow it or don�t care. I�m really not getting you. I think it�s noone business what we do in our private homes. This is not about how you should treat him or how he "should" treat you,I mean,there is no such thing like a manners police. You know where I�m going? I was just answering you because you sounded unhappy. But if you like his behaviour altogether-well,even if you don�t then it�s still completly your business. Noone can make you to get out of an abusive,or otherwise negative relationship. I also can�t make myself a picture here-on one day you sound like all is ok,then you sound again. So I can�t judge the situation. Afterall it�s not my problem. Noone is throwing cans at me for sure,not twice anyway. But it doesn�t mean I judge you. Everybody is free to live like they want,I guess!

from finjamartens :

I think that when someone throws a can at you,or does something comparable in any way,then it shows they don�t have respect for you. Then this is why you can�t help them:because they don�t respect you as a figure of authority in that situation. Then,in order to reach them,you must teach them respect. The thing is:you give them a line,an ultimatum,you tell them:Up to this point and no further-and they cross the line. That is why your measurements aren�t helping yet.You have to defend that line more. They cross lines with you,and also with things you say,you tell him:don�t do drugs anymore,or whatever it is,and they still do it,they cross that line. You shouldn�t let them throw cans at you,not because of ego hurt things,or because you might have deserved it-that doesn�t count here. What counts for the situation is:you can�t make your guidelines come true if the one you want to teach can use you as a clown. You cannot tolerate this behaviour. THAT is why your words don�t matter. You ruin your game yourself. You can�t help anyone if they can�t respect you. I sure wouldn�t respect you if you would let me throw a can at you. It�s not the can,it could be spitting,telling you you suck or whatever-it�s just about disrespect. It�s true,you got more discipline than others,for example,and you teach me that,you know. So,yeah,it�s true,you could have that healing effect on others. But I think you a) don�t see that you are above them.You are above me,as far as doing sports goes and a lot of things. In a lot of things you are the expert and not me. When it comes to working out,ofr example,or doing things,and not only talking about them,then you are the better person. You are better than me in some areas. The holier person. You don�t seem to get that. b) There�s also no must. It�s also twisted I think that you seem to feel a "must" as far as helping goes. There is no must. Mabye you feel an inner urge,a WANT,ok,that can be,maybe you love helping,that I can relate to. But must? What are you,a drone or something? You MUST help anyone who looks like they are in danger or need? I mean,then you�ll never get doing what you want(which is maybe the same thing,maybe you like to be a social worker or something,why not.) I can�t understand why you say you MUST help when you see someone,or when someone pops into your eye-or how do I imagine that? Cause,I myself don�t feel that need. Is it like,do you feel like Angel,you know,David Boreanaz who has to pay for his sins and therefor save lives? Is it something like that? Why do you feel a "must" whenever there�s a situation that seems to be going down the hill? Why do you make their problems your problems? I�m just curious,I mean,I also don�t mind you being a helping person. I do think letting someone throw cans at you or insult you in any other way is you being a doormat. And then again I don�t know how you can help anyone,because:you behave like a doormat,so will they,cause they,the children,your followers,they IMITATE you. Then they will also let themselves be treated that way,they will also believe they must have themselves abused and that their own wishes don�t matter and stuff nad that they deserve it that way. So,aynway,I don�t get thet logic in that can throwing thing.

from finjamartens :

Haha,I think I have NEVER heard THAT before:"you are so correct",oh,thanks! Now if that�s not wind on my windmills. Haha,no,really,that�s really nice,I don�t think I�ve gotten someone say I�m right. How positive. Hm,I see.So you just see crises everywhere. OK,what�s with this point:A lot of people know who to do CPR. How come fate picks always YOU? How come you feel responsible so quickly? Fate is in charge,not you.You�re doing it wrong. You could lie the next time and say you forgot how to do CPR. Oh,I got it:you should doubt your self MORE! The doubts have to get stronger,then you�re out! Then you can�t be in charge anymore if you don�t know what to do!! IN charge should always be the person who knows the most of that issue at hand,right? So just play dumb and you odn�t have to be in charge. I mean,look at it:with the drug problem of your boyfriend you really don�t know how to solve it. You don�t know.You have tried,but you�re getting nowhere and you don�t have a lead.It�s still unsatisfying,the situation,right? So just admit that you don�t know what to do!! Then he will have to look out for himself again,then you�re not i charge anymore.And then you also can�t fail! If you haven�t tried in the first place.Haha,that�s right,isn�t it? We can only be experts with ourselves,not with others,can we? I think your boyfriend wants to put you in charge;but that is a heavy toll on you. So,you should just destroy his intention and say:I don�t know what to do either-we must ask an expert.Let�s go to drug counsellation,or something. I think the responsability-situation is sticking to you as long as you display:I know what to do.I�m sure. If you display:Oh-I have doubts all the time,I live each day like it�s my first,I know nothing for sure!! Then noone can push their problems to you and tell you they are yours. If you admit you have doubts,then you don�t HAVE to play that role anymore of being in charge. Then you are free and can play the role,or ask other people for help,too,or be on holidays yourself,I believe! Then you can choose!

from devian :

love is a crazy thing and it's made me bend and change in ways i never thought possible. the bf and i have got TONS of problems and issues, but you know what--love gets us through it and love will get you through it, too. when i met the bf, i was a MESS!!!! huge, huge mess and he's changed my life. i think you can/are doing the same for DJBF. :)

from finjamartens :

You say you�re a leader,but I think what you WANT to do is let go,to let yourself go. I think what you WANT to do is to put someone else in charge. I don�t think you WANT to be the grownup and to be the responsible person in the relationship,what you would love to do is be as headless like your boyfriend is. Of course it can�t work if both want to let themselves go;you would have to find someone who wants to take the responsability over you if you want to make yourself happy. I�m saying:you are not happy as a leader. You make your dream of being not responsible and care free true for others. Either because you assume everyone�s like you and has the same dream,or because you have bad luck and actually only find those kinda people. But,well,like I said:I�d stay with him if he was incredibly goodlooking! Then I would forgive him his rude manners. I wouldn�t stay with him just to be a good person. I just want you to take care of yourself and your dreams,too,you know!! As long as you�re satisfied with the relationship,then cool! But if you have more dreams then this,then don�t be afraid to live them,well,or to dream them,for now!! Don�t be ashamed to face your dreams! Confess them to yourself,that is the only wy you can make yourself happy,and THAT is truly your responsability. You don�t have the responsability for anyone else(except children of course),but you do have it for yourself! It is irresponsible to deny your dreams.

from peteypuke :

I have decided an intervention is in order - Ozwald and I are on our way to SF to have a nice long chat. WHAT? We can't help it - WE WORRY. It's out of love.

from lovercraft :

Of course I'm not an authority on the matters between you and your boyfriend but it sounds like two unmeshable lifestyles. He wants someone to badger him so he has an excuse to complain, feel unloved, revolt, rebel, and thus have a reason to do drugs and be abusive. And maybe you're attracted to him for the drama element. I believe there is love between you two but maybe not in a relationship. And yes, I'm with my boyfriend still. I'm glad I stuck it out and you should too at some point, but not with someone whose lifestyle is focused on drugs. Unless you are an addict yourself, your relationship will not work. It willbe a parent-child dynamic instead of a romantic one.

from crazee24 :

Hallo. I know you love DJBF and it's wonderful that you want to be there for him and try to get him on the path to changing and leaving his problem but you're taking more abuse than ever and you really have to think about yourself and your own happiness and sanity.. Maybe one day he wants to change, but it seems like right now he may not be ready or just too immature to face the real world and have fun without drugs. Looks like his problems run deep and until those get fixed he may never be able to be in a functionable relationship. Take care, let's hope for the best. :) -Justine.

from finjamartens :

Hi! The dude you�re with must be pretty smoking hot!! If you take all he has to dish to you. If he isn�t really smoking dead hot or something,then leave him!! You�ll just look up the next tree and find ten of those monkeys sitting there ready to hump you!

from prophecyboy :

i plan on writing, i just have no time to write at work anymore, which is where i usually do most of my blogging. when i get home, i'm usually not interested in sitting in front of the computer for hours at a time, which is why i'm not on IM as much i used to be. i now have a backlog of photos and memories that i wish to document for the world, but as more time passes, i'm less motivated to put them online than to get out and make some more. but for you, i will put up a really nice juicy entry as soon as i can get the chance tonight or tomorrow.

from crazee24 :

Last sentence of entry = AWWWWWWWWW! *sniff sniff*

from fergie :

re: get a fucking job. yea you, and it's about time

from tmb :

buddhababy + djboyfriend + sex in front of friends = very hot!

from lovercraft :

large buddhas? Planetweavers on Castro/18th has gorgeous buddhas. they're priced appropriately, which usually costs a pretty penny.

from finjamartens :

Hey,uh,sorry about your boyfriend�s love for drugs...maybe you�ll can him in the end,I mean,you�re not stuck with one another forever,he better behave. Sorry about that.

from finjamartens :

Draining,oh,well,that just means make empty,but I thought it meant like grope.Like pull at them. And,that comforted me so much,you know,thinking I could grope your nuts or something.

from finjamartens :

"Can this be real? Did all that patience and work at being understanding really hit home, finally." I think you mean:work at being understood!

from finjamartens :

Hey,I enjoy your openness so much. Is that normal...or is that just me again.

from crazee24 :

Good entry.. just, since he has an acid addiction problem, do you really think that it helps that he's allowed to continue to do it once in a while or with you..? I don't mean to point fingers but usually if there's a drug addiction, slowing down is not the answer.. it's not helping. He'd have to quit and you'd have to supportive of that also, I assume. Good luck, glad things are getting better.

from minstrelite :

I agree that silence is often best, and I in particular seem to have a problem keeping my mouth shut at times when no words can possibly benefit the situation, and any words at all will only cause hurt.

from caffeinegeek :

Came to your site through your banner. Beautiful design. I shall be sure to return.

from finjamartens :

Ooh.This rocks!

from alogglalala :

I followed the magic banner path, and felt I should say hello. I've been reading backwards, which is weird, because you know what happens before it happens. The hard thing about living with a person with an addiction, as you know, is that you have no control over it. Which really sucks. But you know that already. Cheers!

from giallothang :

Hi, I found your diary through your banner and the question within your entry made me comment. A person with an addiction that has been cultivated from distaste with their life is a hard thing to understand. I know this, because I've dealt with it on both sides. I guess all I can say is sometimes, it is really all that bad. As much as it seems like less of a deal from a spectator, it becomes all the person who is within the throes of coping with a problem that is compounded by a drug problem sees. I'm no sage on the subject, just another addict on the internet trying to work it out. I just wanted to let you know that as much as it may sting your heart to be on the receiving end of all the fun of a coke habit, it's not your responsibility to fix it. If you can handle it, your only responsibility is to be there and at times even than is a bad idea. Yeah, I'm feeling like a blowhard at this point so I'll stop. Good luck and best wishes.

from tmb :

Hey, I've been reading for a while now, but don't know if I've ever left a note before. Just wanted to say that I wish you well with the DJ Boyfriend situation. It sounds like a very stressful one for you.

from bambinodoll :

I'm not one of your regulars . ..but I just had to say, "you have beautiful eyes". Ciao'

from blakkrayn :

If Travelocity gives you hell, why not use another source to book flights? Good luck on the search :)

from concerted :

When did Hawaii leave the USA?

from starlight42 :

You might want to look into Jamaica. We just went on our honeymoon there and loved it! We stayed at a Sandals resort.

from jrie1985 :

I wouldn't go to Cancun, especially since it's summer. The beer prices there are outragious! I think it's $8 per beer which costs more than a 6 pack, lol.

from crazee24 :

Two minutes!!?? Jeez let me in on your tricks hehe. Take care

from prophecyboy :

you made me really really sad with that entry until the last paragraph, and it's like a complete change in tone. now i feel weird.

from kizzykim :

Oh wow, I hadn't read in a while. I had spinal meningitus when I was three. It's defintely something you have to fight. I got it from a faulty vaccine, so he should look into the vaccine making him sick. So sorry you have to deal with this.

from delirium21 :

also, good luck, okay?

from delirium21 :

i haven't been keeping up, so i'm not sure what you want him in rehab for, but if it's alcohol, i recommend getting him augusten burroughs' "dry"; augusten is an amazing author and very relateable. he reminds me a little of david sedaris, only david has the potential to make me laugh until i cry, while augusten makes me chuckle. "dry" is his autobiographical account of his time in rehab and all the things that happened during his recovery and relapse. it's really good, and i recommend reading it even if that's not the problem he's dealing with.

from peteypuke :

so ... IS everything bigger in Texas?

from devian :

my bf got that same email! i knew it was a scam!

from hamiltonian :

scams everywhere online

from prophecyboy :

um. stop fighting already. fuck and make-up.

from sevensurge :

Stomach... I'll tell him that! Also, you have my best wishes when it comes to the man-drama...

from lovercraft :

Don't break up! I have never read such exciting, elated entries in your diary before. This man seems to make you so happy. So there might be a dozen unappealing things between you two. It's worth working out since the two of you are obviously compatible. You don't just meet someone who knocks your socks off like that every day. Relationships are up and down but so, so rewarding.

from delirium21 :

you have every right to be pissed off. if he's that irresponsible, i wouldn't be dating him. but then again, he DID have the courtesy to tell you he might have an STD, which is A THOUSAND TIMES MORE COURTEOUS THAN MY BEST FRIEND'S GIRLFRIEND, who, after they'd been fucking around for FIVE MONTHS, confessed that she used to suck a guy off after school in junior year of high school, so hey - she might have AIDS, she might have herpes, but it's okay because now padfoot might have it too! isn't sharing great? god DAMN i am in a bad mood this morning. anyway. i'm sorry your beau is a dickwad. you might want to consider dating someone else. or just cutting his dick off. either way, it gets the point across.

from clrmehppygrl :

I think this is something that compromise shouldn't come into play on. Being safe and healthy should be a high priority for anyone sexually active, no matter who you're sleeping with.

from kizzykim :

You totally have a right to freak out! I know ultimatums suck, but it may be the only way. If he loves you like he says he does, he'll make the time. Good luck!

from peteypuke :

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAVE!

from sevensurge :

I'd tell you to do the same, but uh, it seems as though you're already doing it! I shall try my hardest, captain!

from peteypuke :

ROTFL @ DABE ... (sorry i meant "dave")

from peteypuke :

HOLY SHIT DABE THAT'S AWESOME! but ... does this mean my chances are dashed now? :(

from aubryann27 :

I love to read your diary.

from science-girl :

You two are so cute together! You can practically see the sparks... :-) Congratulations!

from delirium21 :

:) congratulations! although - i wouldn't ask the universe for a lot so close together. ;)

from sevensurge :

I'm so happy for you! And thanks for the wishes!

from sevensurge :

Just *reading* about your exploits makes my body hurt! Nice job.

from peteypuke :

SCORE! *highfives*

from sevensurge :

Friction to genitals and orifices? You amuse me.

from think101 :

poor miguel ,... but props for sticking up for youself and setting him straight,... its odd how some people have such a contorted view of what goes on around them.... :-/ hmmmm I LOVE YOU DAVEMARR

from prophecyboy :

i saw that episode, and i think she won because her dress won the competition. that kinda gave her an extra bonus. but it is a reality tv show, and being a bitch on one wins you a spot on tv anytime. i bet they're hoping for an "explosive finale tonight, complete with cat-fights and everything. i don't think you'll get much explosive when it's the three musketeers competing with each other.

from peteypuke :

why is it that some boys just bring out the high school girl in me? maybe i need to escape to the woods or perrform some sort of car maintenance to get back in touch with my inner TOP. i need to get my game back before we wind up sitting at home painting each others toenails.

from devian :

i was born in the year of the ram.

from sevensurge :

YES! Misty Peppers won, and doucheface LOST!! God I hated that guy. So there!

from delirium21 :

huzzah!

from sevensurge :

You delight the crap out of me.

from delirium21 :

welcome to the club. i'm so relieved! i'm in a similar situation, and i thought no one else did this. i was beginning to worry that i'm just a prude. :) i appreciate the outlook you have on your boyfriend situation, though. it's so much more down-to-earth and logical than mine. i should take a leaf out of your book.

from delirium21 :

that broke my heart. my cat died in august. i'd spent the last two weeks in canada, and the day after i got back, she died; she was at the vet. i never even got to see her. i know how you feel, and i'm really sorry. losing a pet - a friend - is unbearable. :(

from cindreviews :

Cinderella Reviews is a brand new review site. So if you would like a review please come and check us out at http://cindreviews.diaryland.com/ . We hope to be hearing from you soon. Thank You!

from sevensurge :

I must confess, the real reason I like Wendy Pepper is because her name makes me think of that SNL sketch when Colin Ferrell was the host. "Misty Peppers!" Shit cracks me up. So she must stay.

from science-girl :

I HATE Wendy. Both my husband and I yelled at the TV last night when they told her she was in. He said it was probably just because she makes for good TV. Damn it! Robert was hot! And talented!

from sevensurge :

I only saw the last episode of Project Runway, but based solely on that one episode, I *really* want the guy (who I think was exempt in the episode because he'd won the week before?) in his early 20s with the eyesore blond hair to lose. He pisses me off. A lot.

from techrat :

oh my lord, that little piggy buttplug is just about the cutest thing EVER. so great.

from sevensurge :

Your life is unlike any other I've ever heard about or seen, and it continues to intrigue me to this very day. FYI.

from peteypuke :

in a wierd way that makes me feel better while also cementing my theory that there is no end in sight

from hamiltonian :

I just wanted to let you know that you have one fine journal and that I appreciate your for letting me in your views and your world. Thank you...

from suta :

I've been on your site before and I must say I really like it. That's why I add you to my list. I am sorry cause of your dog. I know it's hard to lose something really important, although you often realize it when it's too late. Love & Peace! ^_^V Sayonara.

from girl-razor :

Love your banner. {Hate gays and support the war: not in my name} Rock to you.

from peteypuke :

Wendy Pepper needs to go! She didn't even finish her bathing suit bottom! If you catch the disclaimer at the begining of the show, you will notice that scoring, IN ADDITION to suggestions from producers and Bravo will determine the eliminations. I say they keep her around for the drama. My vote is for Jay - just for the "suck my ass inside out" comment alone!

from pyxopotamus :

last year i had to put my hamster to sleep cause she was so ill (once i actually found someone who could), and i cried for days. i felt really dumb, but it's nice to see someone else with such strong feelings. even if they are coming out when you're drunk.

from hamiltonian :

Hope you feel better...

from dukkha-tanha :

I found a link through someone's diary (it could have been your's, I forget) of what stores donate to what political party, and I was appalled to see how many places I frequent donate to the Republicans. It made me feel so...dirty!!! Ew! Yet I cannot NOT shop at Walmart, it's like I'm under some kind of spell. I know of the many ways that this is contributing to my trip to hell, yet I can't stop. It's like a drug. I think I would donate some of my millions to congenital heart disease research, helping to rid the world of obesity, homelessness and I'll hop in on that ignorance and hatred project with you. I'll let you know when I win the lottery. =)

from peteypuke :

*BIG GIANT BEAR HUG*

from goldieknox03 :

sorry about your dog. She was so cute:)

from dukkha-tanha :

Well, I've seen your pics, and although I wasn't at the bar, I'd bet you were the cutest boy in the room. ;)

from hamiltonian :

Hey if we ever meet in person, the drinks on me. Hahaha... I watched the confirmation hearings and it was like a comedy. I knew what boxer and especially Biden would say as well as Rice arrogant but pc rebuttals that of course never answered on damn question they asked. Regarding two of the members of the committee, I respect Biden and Boxer to some degree though. Boxer really is a mess, without the cunning political skills to really amount a front for true change, thus negating her position as an effective figurehead in Washington. Biden has charm, wit and deals well with people overall, plus has maintained a strong political base. But he in the end is a wishy-washy misguided New Dealer still riding on the Jacksonian jackass party. Again and gain there were so many direct questions that needed to be answered today. But the only thing that happened was it being turned into sound bites for the participants. In other words just politics as usual in DC, and that is bad for the entire human race. Since this is long I will go out with a bang echoing the title of my last entry... WASHINGTON DC GODDAMN!

from hamiltonian :

I agree, as i did sign the petition. Really what I was aiming at point wise was that like her talk of the patriot act. She votes for it the says she is against it and wants it repealed. When really pushed she says though she just wants minor changes to it, but keeps going back and forth. So in a way one must be wary of such an individual who would use such a petition for their own political purposes and political games such as self promotion. Meanwhile doing nothing whatsoever about the subject as she had been fulkl of hot air. All talk, no walk... Still I signed the petition, but did so reluntantly.

from neonlemonz :

Wow-a bisexual...ex-punk...wannabe Buddhist who practices life and meditation? Holy toffeebadger, you're just like me. Hehe, except I'm not openly bi yet, just in small circles. That news article you included made my morning. Have a great day, baby, cause you deserve it!

from hamiltonian :

I don't trust Californians Barbara Boxer or Diane Feinstein, the latter being truly anti-civil liberties as well as anti the bill of rights. So you know that before signing that, Boxer voted for the H.R. 3162 otherwise known as the Patriot Act, though she did vote against the resolution authorizing the Iraq war.

from peteypuke :

((((superbighug))))

from devian :

im sending jackson sweet kisses...and i'm sending you some, too.

from mingxie :

hey dude! i just wanna reach out to share your grief :) life is transcient and nothing would last forever. jackson would have been very happy that u were the one who always cared so much for her :) and also feel grateful that u were with her during her last moments. :) jackson will be blessed :) take good care of yourself too! :)

from xanti :

I found your diary through your banner...I'm sorry about the loss of your dog, but I believe you did the right thing. ((Hugs))

from science-girl :

I am so sorry about your loss. I know it hurts right now, but eventually the pain will lessen and you will be able to think mainly about the fact that she's no longer suffering. She's in a place where she can run and play and be pain-free, and she'll always be watching over you. Take care.

from dukkha-tanha :

So sorry about the loss of your dog. You did the right thing. My oldest boy was born in June 1991, so I can gauge exactly how long you had her. I'd really like it if you came by to check out my kooky diary, I think you might like it. I really love when hot bi-coastal guys come over and read and leave me notes. It's a somewhat silly diary, maybe it'll take your mind off your loss. But if you don't, that's okay. Again, my sympathies on the loss of your beloved dog. =)

from deirdre-70 :

Thought about you and your dog all afternoon yesterday. No need to feel guilt over such a loving act. Take care.

from lilfoxyvixen :

I just got done with reading the last couple of entries.. I also saw a banner and clicked. I just wanted to say that my thoughts are with you. Hugs, Foxy

from chickpea981 :

I saw a banner and clicked - I recently had to put down a very beloved pet. She was having a lot of trouble including incontinence and we found out that her kidneys were failing due to her liver failing extremely fast. I don't envy the situation you are in at all, but I do know that its the right decision and I wish you well in letting your girl go. After 16 years it was hard for me but I know she will come back to me in another pet later on... the good pets always do. I wish you well.

from devian :

my heart is with you as you go through this time with your baby.

from think101 :

i love you buddy, my thoughts and prayers are with you :-)

from dukkha-tanha :

So sad. She's had a nice long life. You'll do the right thing for her.

from devian :

when kaytee died, we had her cremated at my request because i couldn't bare to let her go. i have her ashes still. when lulu died, i could have had her cremated, but i thought: what is the point of stacking my children up on my mantel? so i didn't get her cremated. i realize that having kaytee's ashes doesn't bring her back any more than not having them.

from peteypuke :

my heart breaks reading this. stay strong - this is one of those tough decisions that just needs to be made. personally, i would keep her ashes in a nice little urn or something. i'm the type of person that needs something to hold and talk to. like a point of reference other than memories, you know? but i'm not sure how you feel about that sort of thing. i wouldn't think any less of someone who didn't keep them.

from hamiltonian :

A Very Long Engagement is wonderful and i here Hotel Rawanda is as well. I did not know Almo had a new film out...

from peteypuke :

happy new year dave

from sevensurge :

Keep in mind: I'm drunk. Thank you and have a wonderful day.

from sevensurge :

In general, I agree. However.... these cats are royal bitches. And I'm much more of a dog person than a cat person, I admit. I've accidentally come in close contact with my dog's tongue during her excited HELLO HELLO! phases (it happens to us all) before, but I still would not invite her to just make out with my plates and silverware. And for my bitchy roommate to dismiss it as 100% normal? Bitch, please....

from candora :

wishing you a better new year...

from prophecyboy :

wow dave, i wonder who took that great picture of you and santa rob? he must be a genius! ;)

from dukkha-tanha :

Yeah, hottest Santa I've ever seen. SantaCon looks like a blast. =)

from peteypuke :

Dave you are the hottest Santa ever! Can I sit on your lap and ask you for a Christmas Goose?

from hamiltonian :

ho!-ho!-ho!

from maliger :

careful with your "nosecandy" your health could deteriorate, not to mention your mind lol good luck on the meaning of life

from dhama :

ho-ho-ho

from me-me-meee :

My mom would call him a fair-weather friend.

from fifskasj :

p.s. oh my gosh i just read your ps on the election entry comparing stem cell research and the draft....look at this letter I wrote a few months ago and sent to all the senators in my state...the same idea! http://sjrepresentin.toxicsugar.net/rants.html (hypocrisy and the value of life)

from fifskasj :

Hey i'm new to reading your diary. I clicked on a diaryland banner with the usa map, and so I figured you were interested in politics. Then I went straight to read your election day summary, and it totally hit home. I agree completely! You didn't mention your religious stance in this entry, but you did say how you don't understand how followers of Jesus can vote for a murderer (my own words). I just want to say that I am probably one of the only Christians who voted Nader. It's rare when I find someone who has a brain in this matter, so I added you to my buddy-list. You Rock!

from katiedoyle :

i'm really, really sorry about your dog. :( i knew some people who lived on a second floor (apartment) and had a very old, arthritic dog. they had a box built out of 2x4's and put sod into it and the dog did her thing on the sod out on the balcony. they replaced the sod every week (maybe 2, but i think once a week). this "lawn" area was about 4x4 feet, so it didn't cost that much, and they were able to keep their dog for another year, which made everybody (including the dog, i think) pretty happy. hope it helps. kd

from trinityboy :

Putting a pet down is about the hardest thing...I wept like a baby when my cat had to be put to sleep. You can weigh the pain they must be feeling, the logic of the matter...you can even say, "It's just an animal!" But when they look up at you, so loving and trusting, you know they're more. Dang. Difficult stuff. But sometimes that's what's going to be best for them. Sometimes it sucks being the human and having to make the decisions. I'm sure you'll decide well.

from kellbelle :

My future mother-in-law has her dog staying with friends. She is old, deaf and has really bad joint problems. She sees the dog every weekend and has a lot of contact with the dog. I guess when you're that old, you care most about feeling as good as you can...no matter where that might be. Good luck with any decision you have to make.

from science-girl :

It's all about quality of life. If she's suffering and in pain, it's time to let her go. If she still seems to be happy, wait a month or so to make a decision. Sorry you're going through this. Losing a pet is one of the hardest things I've ever had to go through.

from hamiltonian :

what did Lucas do now????

from science-girl :

I'll tell you what my vet told me about my 18-year-old cat last summer...if she's still eating and drinking and still seeking affection, don't put her down yet. Once she seems to lose interest in everything and no longer has quality of life, it will be time for her to go. Take care.

from devian :

oh--p.s. i am getting out of nevada come april. i'm keeping it on the DL.

from devian :

hey sweetie...listen to her and ask her what she thinks...she'll tell you...when kaytee was getting so that she could barely walk, i made little inclines for her, to make it easier. she was an indoor cat though, not a big dog that needed to go outside to go potty. it's the hardest decision anyone can make and no matter which one you make, it'll hurt. i'm sorry you have to go through this...just ask your baby.

from dukkha-tanha :

Don't put her down YET! Although, as far as Great Danes go, it sounds like she is pretty old. But she sounds like she still has some life in her, she just needs a place that's easier to move around in. I know, easier said than done, right?

from pixiebbph :

no! don't put her down yet! if she still has that sparkle in her life, she's not ready to go, she's just old and having trouble with the stairs... i'm sure she'll let you know when she's ready to go.

from djc360 :

if the only time she is really having trouble is going up the stairs, then i do'nt think she's ready to die yet. maybe find some nice friend with a nice flat place to take care of her? a doggie seniors home, so to speak.

from peteypuke :

shit, this sucks. my advice is to keep monitoring her, is she still enjoying things - apart from the struggle with the stairs - is she still playing or getting excited over anything? those should be the pros and cons you weigh. i guess if it gets to the point where she really isn't getting any enjoyment out of the day, then, well ... that would be the time to say goodbye. my instict tells me she will let you know in her own way. just pay attention and try not to keep her around for your own sake as we all tend to do sometimes with the one swe love. poor baby. give her a kiss for me.

from poetlucia :

You have some really nice thoughts, I get caught up in to much crap to be that thoughtful all the time. I like the fact you say so different things. Your diary is like day during the night

from candoor :

you get more intelligent with each entry I read (or is that I read more intelligence with each entry you write?... hmmmm, this perspective thing always amazes me :)

from hamiltonian :

"God is a metaphor for that which trancends all levels of intellectual thought. It's as simple as that."--Joseph Campbell

from me-me-meee :

I also wanted to add, about trusting doctors, I know what you mean. I went in for girly stuff a couple of months ago and I had razor burn umm... down there. The doctor (who didn't speak very good english) struggled to ask if I had crabs. There wasn't any hair there for crabs to cling to and hasn't been in ages (and even if it were possible to have them, they would have been right there on my bare skin, which his face was 3 inches from). As I said, it was razor burn. Lucky for me, I knew the difference. Some doctors are complete idiots.

from me-me-meee :

Thanks for informing me. I'm all for learning something new... but it still doesn't hurt to be safe. Just be careful, okay? By the way, you don't have to, but if you'd like to read my diary, the username is locked, and the password is out.

from me-me-meee :

I bannered my way in, and upon reading your first entry, I became a little concerned. Be careful and use a condom, please. As you obviously know from previous entries of yours, syphillis isn't the only thing you can catch through sex, and you can get HIV through oral sex too. That latex taste is worth it when it means saving your own life.

from think101 :

speakig of not trusting doctors,... 2 years ago, i went to the doctor complaining of horrible pain right around where my appendix is,... i even stated "i think i have appendecitis" he wrote it all off as a stomach bug,... 6 hours later and an emergency ependectomy i really hated the fucker .. dumb asses they can be ,.. dont trust em

from devian :

dave, you always give me such sound advice. i feel like i have my own personal guru. and it would be a pleasure to get syphillis from you.

from devian :

LOVE the banner. yes, i saw it and when i saw it was YOURS, i giggled. you have the best banners. i also didn't realize that jesus last supper one was yours either until i clicked it. you little button-pusher, you. i'm glad you finally found out what the fuck has been wrong with you. doctors are assholes--i have never trusted them (for various reasons).

from hamiltonian :

I love the new banner

from deviant-eyes :

Clicked on an awesome banner of yours and enjoyed what I read. However, the only reservation I have is your opinion that "the youth of our nation is spoiled and lazy." Though I loathe Puff Daddy, or whatever he's calling himself these days, I think that his whole campaign, along with others' campaigns, did have an effect on the voter turnout for 18-24 year olds. Though the percentage was the same (about 17% turnout for our age group in both 2000 and 2004 election), the numbers were higher this time around. Just more people from other groups also arrived in higher numbers, therefore the percentage was the same. I personally put the blame on egotistical, ignorant evangelicans who don't know the difference between Saddam and Osama. But besides that small quote, I enjoy your diary and will be back for more. Hope you check mine out as well. - Sasha

from dolphersone :

Your banner... is awesome. Though I think like those in the blue states, I am, unfortunately, located in a red state. Texas, of all places. Meh. I see you have a link to free Anti-Bush stickers in your diary... I might have to check that out. :D

from jenne1017 :

got the banner -- very clever, although it took me a minute

from rumblelizard :

Hi there, I just saw your red states/blue states banner. Did you perhaps mean "We want freedom and EQUALITY for all"? Because "freedom and equally for all" doesn't make a great deal of sense. Other than that, though, nice banner. Should get a few people frothing at the mouth in your notes and guestbook.

from theascension :

I absolutely love your writing, especially the entry entitled Hypocrisy. It might be typical to say, but I always enjoy hear a voice of tolerance, considering the overly conservative, right-wing, faggot-hating community I live in. I'm also a Buddhist, although not a very good one.

from notme2000 :

"The best way to help someone is to listen to what they want, then give them exactly what they desire." So we should give all the heroin junkies a life-time supply? I agree with your intentions, but we don't live in a black and white world, we're in the confusing gray middle. (Though I agree Bush is an idiot).

from candoor :

I think a banner brought me here, but I'm not sure... in any case, I feel your angst about hypocrisy and you remind me I could use a real vacation... so thanks :)

from hamiltonian :

beautiful skyline

from shadoangel :

I think you're diary would be a good read if it made logical sense...

from pornoviolent :

photohax

from djc360 :

i am stung by jealousy.

from peteypuke :

that picture is out of control beautiful.

from the-regret :

Your banner is possibly the only one that has ever made any actual sense. So true. [we all want..] one.

from dramoth :

I also think crzystrwbrry (or whatever) shouldn't dare speak for the military. Cuz I'm in the military and I fight to support people like buddhababy trying to convince all the warmongerers in the red states to wake the hell up.

from dramoth :

In a democracy, the people ARE responsible for the evil deeds their government does, because the people are the ultimate control on the government. War always kills innocent people. I guess those 3000 WTC deaths are worth more in your opinion than the 10,000 (and more) innocent Iraqi civilians trying to eek out a life in a hell hole (minus the lattes and business suits from WTC). Hey, buddhababy I love your stuff! Today in the paper there is an excellent article on the evils the US and UK are part of regarding Usbekistan, since the UK ambassador is resigning because the US & UK support the regime that boils people alive to get intel out of them. Thought you'd like to know.

from ddrgirl07 :

"This attack was revenge for many evil deeds the USA has done to the world." Yeah, you know, those fathers and mothers working in the WTCs really deserved to die. Oh, and all the unborn babies who will never get to know their fathers. Them too. They're all evil. You know they personally committed all these 'sins' to other countries. Wake up and get a fucking clue.

from dark-doll :

That's a really really nice banner

from peteypuke :

sorry to break the "i hate the liberal queer" theme you have going on here in your notes section but i just had to say thanks for the tip, i am going to try it out. iv'e never been this bummed out over a boy before and i'm sort of at wit's end with myself. anyway everyone can go back to hating on dave now. but i think he's a pretty swell guy.

from crzystrwbrry :

Thanks, I've done my research already. And did you know that the people who ran those planes through the towers did it because their religious beliefs tell them that doing those kinds of things will get them into their 'heaven'? and that is why they did it. and i like to think you are being very hypocritical on your part too. you told me to do my research and yet all you can do is stand on your liberal pedistole and protest a war that you aren't even fighting.

from crzystrwbrry :

i think you definately have the wrong idea about conservatives. just because your a conservative doesnt mean that you are a hypocrite or hate gay people or support war. i personally am a conservative and i definately dont hate anyone, especially not people who are gay. and supporting war doesnt mean that you like people dying or like killing innocent people. have you ever thought twice about the people all over the world who are busting their asses and putting their lives on the line so you don't have to? do you even remember what happened on september 11th? maybe you should think about that before you place judgement on all people who are conservative.

from science-girl :

My favorite form of hypocrisy is people who say "Abortion is wrong! Every life should be sacred! Now I'm off to shoot a doctor who might save thousands of lives, but also performs abortions."

from desert-bats :

Way to stereotype in your banner. not that i'm conservative or anything, but would YOU be offended by a banner that said "Some of us like to kill babies and corrupt our childeren... Some of us like to love Jesus and help other countries?" That's what I thought! Although, it IS a clever way to get people to click the link and read your diary.

from peteypuke :

have fun!

from ozwald :

Why don't I ever see you on AIM anymore?

from ejaculated :

I'm not sure she's 100% lesbian' aw, cmon doll (and i mean doll in the most ironic way)! dont put a number on that shit. whos 100% anything?

from devian :

i love when you get all fired up! i've been getting hate mail because of my anti-bush banners, too. oh, the cross we have to bare.

from thruemzeyes :

Hey at least the right man won. The person who goes by gods ways! :) peace

from jonathan29 :

Touche. If you can't say something nice, just don't say it.

from brucegirl :

I clicked on your banner, and here I am. :-) I like your diary. Sorry about Bush and sorry to hear about your dog. :-(

from elvisload :

you stupid fuck...

from for-you-only :

Yeah, cool. I'm trying to collect political banners...

from dukkha-tanha :

I found your diary through your banner and thoroughly enjoyed it. Awesome design. I'm adding you to my faves. =)

from peteypuke :

i don't think it was the marriages that did it - i think it was the spin that was put on them by conservatives. they wove it into this "attack" on hetero marriage as the world knew it. somehow convincing people that if gay marriage wa stolerated it would cause the undoing of hetero-religion based marriage.

from for-you-only :

Hi, I really like your banner. Could you note me the url for it? I completely agree with you. Marrage is about love, not about sex. :)

from jonathan29 :

I tend to attract damaged people as well. I then feel a need to take care and nurture them for some reason. I like to think of it more as a positive quality about myself, however I need to try to keep it in check.

from liviasgarden :

Don't want to sound like a commercial here, but my dog has the same problem at 14 years old, so we tried Sasha's Blend, a natural supplement you can get online. He's been trotting happily around again. I know it's so hard to watch when they hurt. Best of luck. *Cat

from ozwald :

Aw kid. Pets. It's so tough. I'm sorry to hear.

from science-girl :

Putting my 18-year-old cat to sleep last year was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Sometimes it's for the best, though. Living in pain is really no life at all. Do what's best for your dog.

from angelz-bliss :

i like your anti-bushness. i also hate how people don't vote when they can. i'm 16, i can't vote, but i want to because i know the issues, i know what's going on, and i'm informed. it's sad how the voting age isn't 16 because people my age nowadays are more informed and eager than the average american who are capable of voting, but don't.

from birudungusu :

wow, nice banner. I can't believe Bush got re-elected! I like what you write about and your views... Good luck!

from science-girl :

I came here via the banner. I LOVED this entry: http://buddhababy.diaryland.com/041027_48.html. I'm adding you to my favorites. :-)

from liviasgarden :

Canadian here, on her way to becoming American by marriage. I hope there's a hell of a lot more like you over there.

from outre-fancy :

Love the banner. <3 George Bush is a cunt.

from musicchick44 :

Best banner ever. Good times.

from real-lies :

hey love your diary & banners. You rock. If only I was American I would be voting against Bush but as I'm not I can only support people like your good self. H x

from lovercraft :

I forgot to tell you, You were spotted exiting BART at the Civic Center station a number of weeks ago. I saw you through the dim dark window. (i'm stalking you).

from binkykid146 :

i love your site and you profile makes me smile! i clicked on your banner and think you are so cool...so very very cool.

from zappafloozie :

Hiya! I was just looking around and I saw your fantastic banner, which I just HAD to click on, and then I spent some time reading you. I really like your stuff & how open you are. Cheers! I'll be back to read some more! Zappafl.

from kestra :

Love the new banner, and lay-out. I've been meaning to write an entry very much like this one 041017_64.html so thank you for that one. And I agree, I am tired of saying anything about it, because it seems rather pointless to say anything when everybody has their minds made up anyway. All you can do is create reason to argue your head into a brick wall. So I try to keep quiet about my political views unless I'm saying it for reasons OTHER than trying to convert somebody over to my way of thinking. People who are for Bush, I believe, he could be witnessed on TV as killing babies, and people would still be for him. And Kerry makes lots of camaign promises he knows he CAN'T carry out on - duh, they have to pass through a Republican Congress after all - and considering these promises provide for some of his criticism, I don't see why he does stupid things like that. But, what I'm most tired of is seeing people insist on certain things being true even up to this day that have been proven false long ago (such as Iraq had anything to do with terrorism in the United States, or Iraq has an active WMD program). I just feel like asking, do you do ANY reading, past or present? Even before we invaded Iraq, I saw this war as a means for him to secure his re-election. One of my favorite sayings is, "Don't change horsemen during the Apocalypse." My boyfriend disagreed with me citing the length of the last war - it couldn't possibly last until his next election. LOL I should have placed my bets on that one, that we could take a country that was relatively easy to tackle before, and turn it into a complete mess that we can't get out of. Now that's talent!

from devian :

just get better! take those meds and relax. i'm so fucking poor right now that i would have not been much fun. we'll meet some day, i promise.

from pandionna :

LOVE the "orphan" banner ad! Don't mind me while I raise your hit count. I love the way you express yourself. "The U.S. sticking its..." Yep. That about sums it up!

from devian :

i loved "Latter Days"...it's like a guilty pleasure.

from peteypuke :

dude, Ozwald took me to that movie and it totally made me weep in the middle of the damn movie theatre.

from iamhubpluh :

See, I voted Bush last election. At the time, I agreed with his stances. He has started a lot of good things- SERIOUSLY, it hasn't ALL been bad! I believe that the war in Iraq is valid, considering all the information that I am witness to. Where I tremendously disagree with Bush is in his domestic agenda and in his overspending our tax dollars. The tax breaks are essential, since taxes are unconstitutional, but it was a start. Kerry is the opposite, but singing the same songs. He has not set forth a "clear" and "unwavering" plan for America, I do not trust him. That was why I reaearched other candidates. They both have there strong suits, but neither feel right this election.

from minstrelite :

Ah yes! The glamour and the colour of the Great City. I love her so much - too bad I can't go home again. :-(

from kizzykim :

Gotta Love San Fran.

from djc360 :

LOL!

from symbiotic :

I don't think there is a quick way to delete all your entries at once. The best thing to do is to just lock it up and after a while you'll j ust get the diaryland error message when you try to get to it. Or, you could probably sent a "help" message to the powers that be and get them to delet the whole thing for you. They're pretty accomodating with stuff like that.

from hamiltonian :

Amerika Lets VOMIT Bush up on novemeber 2nd!

from indigo-love :

great banner. :)

from devian :

isn't that club cool? it just opened last week and we're too broke to take advantage of it! we have to watch our pennies and you're coming so SOON! we should have a drink, though. maybe we can meet up at a place a little less fabulous. i'm PO! <3

from maliger :

Cool. Only I'm looking for a banner that makes people feel sad about what they've done, not one that makes them defensive and then the majority puts up this wall around your words saying "hey, he's paranoid" and "hey, he just hates Bush and is making stuff up"... what the public needs is a good breath of fresh air, positive thinking, ways of reaching out and discussing why we support or don't support the current administration. Otherwise the hate goes on both sides and no-one changes for the better. If you see what I mean. :(

from ddrboy :

Looking good!

from peteypuke :

everybody loves a makeover! lookin good!

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