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x-sad-girl-x : |
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I was just reading your diary and I had to tell you that I hope you fufill your dream of being a writer, few people in this world can convey thoughts and emotions through words as eloquently as you can.I have read ALOT(believe me)of books in my life and have enjoyed few as much as I have enjoyed reading your diary entries I have never read a book that could make me feel the pain or saddness or happiness of the characters as your entries can, I cried on more then one occassion when reading your journal.I think you have everything it takes to be a phenomenal writer and I hope when your first book gets published or your first screen play gets made into an oscar winning movie that I will have the pleasure of reading/watching it(even though I would never know that it was canadiangrrl who wrote it.)I think the inspiration that you are searching for lies within the pages of your journal.A good, honest book about discovering your sexuality and coming out to your friends,family ect. and all that you've lived through could make the transition for other young girls so much easier.For them to know that it's ok for them to feel the way that they do,to know there is nothing wrong with loving someone of the same sex.For them to know what you know could change their lives.Please keep writing.
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x-sad-girl-x : |
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Hi.Just wanted to say a quick hello to a fellow Van Island girl.love your diary I wish I was as brave as you.
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x-sad-girl-x : |
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Hi.Just wanted to say a quick hello to a fellow Van Island girl.love your diary I wish I was as brave as you.
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skipperdyke : |
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Thanks for the birthday wishes, my friend. Ü
Big hugs, Skipper
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skipperdyke : |
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I want to move to Canada. Ü You know, my Lily and I are HUGE Leafs fans anyway. Hmmm...
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skipperdyke : |
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Was just thinking of you...have a good weekend...and do something special just for YOU. Ü
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skipperdyke : |
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I'm so sorry you are hurting. I'm here if you need me. <hugs>
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skipperdyke : |
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I really am proud of you for having the courage to take risks. Seems like it is starting to pay off. Your entry made me smile.
Hugs~Skipper
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skipperdyke : |
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You're the best...Ü
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skipperdyke : |
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Good luck. I'm excited for you...Ü
Love, Skipper
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skipperdyke : |
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You are indeed the sweetest...thanks for the thoughts and prayers, babe. Much love from me and my Lily...
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keryanna : |
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Don't worry. I had the same problem when I had short hair - and I *know* that I do not look like a boy. I have very big breasts prove it. Especially since I look very young ,have a small build and don't wear much makeup - when I cut my hair short (and, god forbid, I wear a baseball cap and baggy shirt) people mistake me for a high school boy. A puny high school boy but a boy nonetheless. I was called "young man" on more than one occasion after a quick glance. In fact my nickname was "Bueller" at work because everyone said I looked like Matthew Broderick in "Ferris Bueller's Day Off". Yeah, that did WONDERS for my self esteem. Personally, I believe that unless people immediately see breasts and/or makeup on a person with short hair (or really short hair in my case) they immediately assume "boy" without taking a good look. Because, since I've grown my hair long noone can believe that people actually thought I looked like a boy. In fact, I've gotten complements on how feminine my features are. Go figure. So take heart. I'm sure you don't look like a boy anymore than I do. Don't worry. Jake doesn't like boyish girls (or girlish boys or boyish boyish) either and he liked me just fine. I'm sure Lisa will love you inside and out.
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keryanna : |
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Can I just say that being in love makes you absolutely adorable? (Not that you weren't already that is ... :)
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skipperdyke : |
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Throughout your whole entry about being confused with where you should be, I only saw one phrase ALL IN CAPS. Just a thought that that might be where your true feelings lie. Good luck, sweetie. If you need to talk, you know where I type. ;)
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keryanna : |
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Thank you for your note. I appreciate that I'm in your thoughts. Don't worry, though. I'm going to be fine. I make things seem worse than they really are because I'm a wimp at heart. :)
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keryanna : |
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I remember a time when I was paralyzed by my own sadness. I felt stagnant - like I couldn't move forward or even backwards - that I was stuck semi-exisiting .. neither alive or dead - trapped somewhere in the middle. A ghost of a person. I couldn't figure out what to do to make myself feel better. I hinged my happiness on other people because I couldn't do it for myself. So, if my boyfriend and I were getting along, I was happy ... but if he wasn't there or we were fighting ... I would sink into the blackest of depressions. He (whatever boyfriend it happened to be at the moment) was the source of my living. It was like I couldn't breathe for myself anymore so I needed artificial respiration. I needed to borrow his life force so to speak. Essentially, he kept me alive. But I never really felt any better. And I blamed myself because I couldn't figure out why ... what was I so messed up that I couldn't be happy. Aw, sweetie, I know a bit where you're coming from and I know how hard it is right now. And I wish I knew the right answer to tell you. All I can say is what I learned from my experiences which is I had to relocate my locus of control. I always saw my life as being out of my hands. My happiness, my sadness, my anger, everything that happened to me was because of other people. I didn't own my own life. I didn't realize that I created my reality every day. And, if in my world, I always losed - then I would always feel like a loser. I needed to show myself - in whatever way possible - that I had control over my life. So I began to buy greeting cards whenever I got sad ... because greetings cards made me feel a little better. And I would post them all over my walls so, everytime I thought that I was destined for utter misery, I would look at all my greeting cards and see that there was a little beauty left in the world. And that if I could find a little beauty - then I had to the power within me to find all the rest of it. It would just take time. I'm not saying to go out and do what I did since we all find happiness in different ways... maybe talking to someone would make you feel better ... but I wanted you to know that you're not alone. And, if I made it through, believe me you are strong enough as well. I can say that only because I never thougth I would - and I did. So I promise you. You'll get your sun.
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keryanna : |
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Yep. I'm firmly in the everything happens for a reason category. Even if it's not true, it makes my life alot easier to comprehend.
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skipperdyke : |
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Unfortunately, it almost always takes something drastic happening to open most peoples minds...
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skipperdyke : |
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You encouraged me today...and I just wanted to let you know. Thanks, sweetie. Ü
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keryanna : |
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Man, that was a long note. Sorry about that. Got a little carried away. Big mouth and all.
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keryanna : |
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I think, sometimes, we love someone so much that we sacrifice ourselves in the process. Talk to her. Tell her how you feel. Love is a dynamic process - it needs both of your needs met in order to truly flourish. You can't protect here from all the monsters in the world, that's something she has to learn on her own. Telling her how you feel doesn't mean you don't love her. It means you need to be loved to. Honor that. I understand fear of being hurt. I understand having a hard life. But we've all been hurt. And we all, to varying degrees, have had hard lives. There is a moment when you have to decide that you define your life - not the other way around. Don't be afraid to open your heart to her. That's what real love is. She needs to know that. She needs to see just how lucky she is.
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diabo1 : |
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I have just finnished wipe-ing the tears from my eyes as I read your diary entry.I am very sorry for your loss and my god bless you.You have my prayers.My heart goes out to you
~Angelo (angeloscuro5@netscape.net)
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midiiune : |
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Heh. I read your diary entry entitled 'Depression'. It just struck me. Thats exactly how I feel. Right now. At this moment. for the last 3 weeks. Hm, if you get a chance cruise by my shitty diary...
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keryanna : |
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i just finished reading your diary entry for 1/22. If you ever get the chance - go to my diary and read the entry entitled "orphan". I kinda know how you feel.
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