messages to chaosorder:
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from suckledhoney :
Well thank you, too.
from suckledhoney :
I've really been enjoying your diary.
from creaturesque :
Hello there! I read your last three entries and enjoyed them very much. I wanted to ask if it was alright if I could add you to my buddy list?
from seereason :
Construction may not SEEM interesting in retrospect, but why, then, do people always seem to stop to gaze at it?
from ceciliaruns :
you really must install comments on your journal so i don't feel like a giant jackass on your notes site. enjoyed your entry on terrorism. the very word sets me off in a giant tired long sigh. it's our cancer now. that big terrible thing that everyone has sitting in the back of their heads and very few people actually experience. let's allow those who are on the bombed buses in London, who are afraid for their children in Iraq, who still have the dust from New York lining their lungs to have their mourning, let's support and protect those people. but for god's sake let's not make our whole lives about one minute distant fear to the point where we stop living. it feels like since 9/11, life for the world has been one big frightened inhale. and our faces are turning purple. i know what you mean about differences. i am a blue eyed caucasian - and i am certain, as such, privy to all the unseen advantages of my caste. still, as a child of the wild alaskan bush, i have no home - i am a stranger everywhere. i find that life to be somewhat calming - i am not frantically searching for my homebase but comfortable in my discomfort almost anywhere. and i find the others around me who are 'strangers' can see it just to look at me - we often make instant friends.
from ceciliaruns :
hm. this is the first negative reaction i've had from you to my journal. and i am surprisingly hurt. fair enough, i did mention brangelina (let the dry heaves ensue). and freud (more dry heaves) and then proceeded to analyze the shit out of a very insipid dream. if you only knew how disturbed i felt from it - surprisingly disturbed. i've been silencing myself. and i've just barely realized the implications of it.
from ceciliaruns :
me too - only not embarassed as much as secretive in an effort to avoid being embarassed - comes from early childhood experiences of ALWAYS being the alien child - the wierd little white girl in the eskimo villages, the wierd little wild girl in the white towns. i like having the power to protect myself now. don't let that wander into your creativity. sit down, close your eyes, and look your critic in the eye - have a little conversation with her or him. this is what i do - and the most incredible thing is, when i look her in the eye and stand my ground she gives me very good advice. each time we sit to write or to paint or anything else, it is vital that we remember it is simply 'moving it in the right direction' as my husband says, not completing a masterpiece in one fell swoop - and before you know it, weeks of what seem a conglomerate of awkward moves comes together to make something perfect. kind of like life.
from ohophelia :
Re: "Someone else's crap" ... There's a difference between happiness and joy. Happiness is the absence of all the agony and worry and fretting and strain and work that are necessary to bring about joy. That's why I still photograph instead of just getting a design job. Ok well I'm going to have to get a design job to survive...but you know what I mean. :)
from ceciliaruns :
my goodness, it appears i am the LAST person to leave a note as well. now i just feel a little overexposed. on dreams - they are a very good sign - a message from the underworld that creative offspring will appear very soon. listen closely.
from ceciliaruns :
The thing i find most disappointing about art - and this is speaking off seven days straight from one gallery to another in New York - is the lack of passion. The overt hyper-intellectualism or overt hyper-commercialism or the completely over-abused novelty that we have Mr. Duchamp (as I spit on the ground) and his damnedable urinal to thank for. If it is shit on a napkin - as long as it is sincere and true, I love it. And I can spot gimick from a mile away. There are different animals in the visual arts. And there are different zoos for those animals. Although, as far as I understand it, digital art since the haydays of Bill Viola is doing just fine in the commercial market - it is so much better suited in a museum for thousands to enjoy. And there is money there for the artists. Though, it is true, art in any form is typically a giant case of the whore and the pimp. You must constantly protect yourself from the snakes. Bill Viola, by the way, is a millionaire. Though this is rare, I thoroughly believe we are as succesful in our talents as we allow ourselves to be. If, at the end of the day, our excuse for not making art is that we have no time, we have only ourselves to blame.
from moodswing :
if you think that's good, you should see the poem I wrote shortly thereafter. possibly one of the most frighteningly honest things I've ever written.
from ohophelia :
Re: Museless Perhaps it means that you're meant to write, period. Muse or no. Or it may be you are your own muse, or even that the whole world is your muse.
from ohophelia :
We are all hypocrites, sweetheart. We're meeting tomorrow for dinner. Send good vibes my way...
from ohophelia :
I don't know if you've noticed...I (dicentra) have disappeared. Never fear, though, I've reappeared somewhere else. Matter is never truly gone. So if you're wondering why I'm all locked up, and are still interested in reading along, feel free to visit the new digs. Love the "potential" entry, by the way. http://ohophelia.diaryland.com (formerly dicentra.diaryland.com)
from bluperspex :
sounds fishy, fishy, fishy. i think she's after your dinero... or maybe she just has realy, really bad luck.
from bluperspex :
the battle of the brains always seems to be of the worst kind of war. exhausting really.
from bluperspex :
i don't remember when last i remembered a dream - and yet, i don't know which is worse, remembering or not. know?
from bluperspex :
mmm. i also missed last year. spent more than 3 quaters of it in tears and feeling absolutely miserable. worth it? i think not.
from bluperspex :
it's frightening to meet up with old school friends. it's like a test... how have you done since? yip.
from bluperspex :
kinda like planting weed seeds. ? no wait. it's nothing like that. did i say that out loud? haha. where is my mind.
from bluperspex :
a merry, merry to you - may it be blessed and utterly fabulous!
from ceciliaruns :
your flashing tv images have inspired a painting or dare i say even a philosophy in painting for me. thank you chaos.
from ceciliaruns :
beautiful pathos
from ceciliaruns :
thank you for the fans - i am jealous of you in prague -
from ceciliaruns :
ah but the muse is my favorite part to play
from ceciliaruns :
wanderlust makes beauty from complacency. stagnation is death.
from ceciliaruns :
i'm okay
from ceciliaruns :
why don't i just monopolize your notes page? how does that sound? i liked your latest entry "ain't no thing" thanks for reminding me. because the tv vortex is indeed calling...
from ceciliaruns :
what a compliment.
from ceciliaruns :
thank you for understanding perfectly. i feel a little less alone now.
from karmacops :
frogs are truly fascinating ain't they? however, should they ever start falling from the sky we should all be very concerned...and with the way Mother Nature seems to be feeling at the moment, nothing would really surprise me... Ribbit...
from karmacops :
Merry festivities and all that. Hope the new year brings you good things :)
from schmutzie :
Often, but not always, cheezy is when the dialogue starts following a pattern that we all recognize and could have predicted. I usually find it to seem lazy on the part of the writers.
from psst-tsismis :
p.s. you know what would be wonderfully serendipidous? if you atually went to this same borders, looked for this book, realize it was sold out, sadly (head down, near tears) walk out, pass by the calendar section, see book and rejoice such luck and stand in line and happen to be behind the teacher teaching the book! this is so very possible, if you haven't gone yet, go to the borders on diversey and clark...
from psst-tsismis :
that's funny, because i just saw that book on my bookshelf yesterday, made a note to self to return it to chris g (who kindly let me borrow it 1 year ago), strolled through borders hours later waiting for my glasses to be done, saw the book randomly sitting in the calendar section, very out of place, which i took as a kind reminder about returning B by B to chris once again..... wooooo, nanoo, nanooo man! weird though, huh?
from ahottamale :
I like the way you think, man.
from smurfygal :
Hi! I've been reading your diary for a couple weeks now and I love your writing. Very interesting...
from schmutzie :
Guess who else has been having troubles writing here since the validation entry? Me, of course. I have found that when I start clamming up on my site, it helps to write about idiotic things like my underwear. Somehow, things just start flowing again.
from karmacops :
make that 2 gold stars :)
from schmutzie :
*I* would definitely give you a gold star plus a chart with lots of check marks.
from karmacops :
:) the reading bit was my pleasure. It was the whole concept of time etc...Waking Life is one of my very fave films and just blew me away when I saw it. It's a film you can watch over and over again and still pick up on something new and interesting (at least thats how I see it)...Oh, I also like your idea of the drinking diary :) my diary actually started out as more of a 'drunken' diary...well, more so an assisted 'ramble' diary...or as some like to call it: psychobabble... I must get back into writing more soon...my painting has taken up all my spare time...not that thats a bad thing...(see, I'm rambling already...) let me know what you think of the film when you see it. Oh, and Donnie Darko is also a really interesting and engaging film. :)
from karmacops :
Hi. Have you seen the film 'Waking Life'? After reading one of your entries I had to ask. :)
from schmutzie :
Nice one about the lightning bugs. It's actually the females that light up, and the males are really slow, so the light helps direct them to their destinations. Actually now that I'm on the topic: only female moths are attracted to the light. The male moths are only there because the females are.
from henryfool :
you're entry's amaze me with each one. -TiM
from henryfool :
Wow, i did not realize you had a political column. That read was unquestionably astonishing. You make everything that "should be happening" seem so clear. Let me know where else you write these if you still have my e-mail. Otherwise, just please keep posting them here. -TiM
from henryfool :
cp,great stuff. want to hear more about "The stories i could tell about texas" peace.-Tim your Tutee.
from schmutzie :
Oh my god. You are totally evil. Are you the one who makes me get my period a week early just before the Fiery One goes on a big trip? Because that's totally brilliant.
from fridayfilms :
Your writing is beautiful and your thoughts are sophistocated. I hope you keep writing.
from schmutzie :
You've only been around for, let me check, 31 entries, and I don't usually add people to my favourites unless it looks like they're guaranteed to stick around, but I like what I see. Thanks.
from maried :
Heh, that entry was fucking awesome. Encore.

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