DiaryLand members area

Hi, my name's Lauren and I'm making a directory of eating disorder related links (similar to my other site on diaryland, si-directory) and I was wondering if it would be ok to list you in the diaryrings section even though the site will have a pro-ED section. The site's still a work in progress. Thanks, Lauren

from mookers :

i just wanted to say thank you for the note. and i hope you are hanging in there too.

from false-apathy :

Your layout if gorgeous, and your words beautiful... Wow...

from banefulvenus :

Just wanted to thank you for the honorable mention....

from perdiendome :

Hey there! long time no corrrespond... as for my part, I was stuck up north a while, then stuck in bed for a while longer. today i have made the great journey to the public library... so I was hoping to read up on how you are... but am left just hoping that 2004 is treating you well. although i probably didn't have time to treasure lots of Brave Words--my mom is asking me to go now. afraid i'll get too tired. so, merry mary day a week late, and on time. love, your one and only Bethany Brave! ::mwah:: (hope that doesn't spread my germs at all ! ;) )

from ayden :

i want to thank you for having a pro-recovery diaryring. my mother has been anorexic for 25 years, and i've been living with it for 17 years. i recently moved out because i couldn't deal with watching her kill herself, refusing to make any attempts to get better, and hurting my little sister. recovery is really important, and yay for those struggling with it and making it. andy:)

from imaginated :

Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular. *random happy thoughts from dee*

from birchie :

<transferring this from my Notes to yours, with thanks for your last one on my page> well~! at least tonight i got ring memberships re-correlated with existing code-icons; & thanks to sammy of Dland-help, my original entry is accessible again. next reconstruct my favorites & add more, um, diary? the point here, hmm?!? (laughing at myself ^^^) yours is now on my primary-Dlist to check out. i've 25+ years of hand-written journals, but just discovered this amazing realm where such work can be shared, yet kept as anonymous as each of us may need or desire. thanks for your encouragements. i hope a sufficient balance of my entries will reflect well an onward-spiral (?? *~)) re the spirit of the gettingbetter ring. with many thanks for creating & caring so well for this ring (both the directional concept & the people who enter...traveling in all kinds of directions) *~)

from whereistand :

okay... my emails to you are coming back. your guestbook won't let me sign to say so. i'm getting rather paranoid... but i love you still. :-)

from being-katie :

Oh Mary... It's been a long time since my tears flowed so freely for anybody else, but today I sat in front of your entry and I cried and I prayed with every tear that fell. I hope she is ok. will pray that she is okay. Put perhaps it is time for her to go to a place where the hatred and darkness inside can no longer exist and her body will be healthy and real again. Whatever happens, I am praying for both of you. I love you Mary

from chilindrina :

LOL... I know this has nothing to do with anything, but I really thought it was a boy!! hahaha it's funny... yeah well, nevermind me, a girl or a boy who cares, right? :P *Hugs*

from perdiendome :

*hugs* and *love* and *thinking-of-you's.* glad to hear you got to see the doc; sorry it was so hard. it just sucks when good things are hard, doesn't it? the only thing i couldn't fully sympathize with you on from your most recent entry was the part about your dissatisfaction with autumn in the place you now live... it's 93 degrees here today. in the shade. then again, i know the real issue for you isn't the temperature or the colors but lack of HOME... and for that i am most truly sorry, my dear. sorry in the way one is mournful over any tragedy in a friend's life--for homelessness certainly is that. now i'm babbling. so i'll just end this with another *hug*.

from ktdream :

Wow what a long entry.. I didn't read it all but from what I gathered you have quite the way with words and I'm sorry to hear you're semi-seriously homesick and emotionally feeling a bit down. i think we all have that sort of feeling sometimes. It's hard but you will get over it.. May take a long time though. Anyway hope it'll be better soon.

from cielamara :

Chord (Mary?), I think I might have left you a note last when I was on my old diary...you still continue to amaze me, as you did back then. And you inspire me. I hope you can continue your upward progress and continue to learn to love yourself. It's hard to love yourself--I know. I hate myself sometimes. But it's important. As for God...let Him, or if you choose the path I have chosen, Her, be what you want. Divinity in the universe exists in spite of us mortals...it is up to us, lots of times, to connect with it as we will. Sometimes a conduit will open and we will hear Divinity without even trying...but in my personal opinion, we must make said conduits happen ourselves. Don't stress over what God/dess is and what he/she isn't...it is entirely up to you to discover it, for he/she will tell you in his/her own way, usually by helping/letting you explore his/her glory. Bright blessings to you, Chord Child...may your journeys on that road be fruitful, and may you find the serenity you seem to seek. ~*Cielamara

from perdiendome :

you're making it, girl. friday is almost here. and you will continue to make it, and make it better than all the circumstances and nasty voices say you will. i'm sure of it. keep taking care of yourself. love you.

from xxlaughyxx :

((( Chord ))) After reading your last post, I thought you may need a hug.

from magnoliaspin :

yesterday there were strong, strong winds. they lifted up hundred year old trees and blew off roofs. the daisies and pansies and roses stayed firmly in the ground, their petals a little battered, but nonetheless stronger.

from perdiendome :

your gb hates me... now i'm not even sure if my entry went through, but just in case, here it is: "oh, what wise counsel you have, my dear! she said everything i'd like to... for myself i just want to say this: i read your newest nourish today & almost left a note there, but decided to read everything before leaving notes anywhere, and i'm purposely leaving you a note here... because though i'm so thankful for nourish (truly, truly--the most recent entry sounded a lot like thoughts i had this morning, only more complete), but i want to be most supportive... of you!! peace, my friend."

from whereistand :

thank you little mary person :-)

from whereistand :

For heaven's sake! I just tried several times to sign your guestbook and it doesn't seem to like me (for all I know, it might even have gone through at some point but I'm unable to tell- grrr!). So anyway, here's what I was trying to write: I actually like the new layout very much. I was just busy talking about other things- like love and penquins and stuff. And deciding who's going to drive the getaway truck. But the layout is really beautiful and makes me smile in a quiet little way. Love.

from brittbrat :

Oh, Mary sweetie, I'm so sorry. I know what that's like. I hated getting messages from people saying how sorry they were. The whole funeral-family gathering stuff didn't work for me either. Hold on to yourself and take it slow. You have to grieve the way that's right for you. I'm here if you need me. ::hugs:: and love, Me

from perdiendome :

I'm so sorry... this is a time when notes and words fall flat and there's nothing i wish more than to be able to be there--really be there--for you. remember you know how to find my voice any time you need to. if it helps, know you're dearly loved (by me, by many). do take care of yourself, do let me know if there is anything i can do. do meet me at the blue couch and let me give you a hug.

from xxlaughyxx :

I miss reading about you :( Hurry back, safely. By the way, Happy Two Years!! *Hugs*

from nenna :

Happy 2! :) Peace + Love

from persacanzona :

Reading your entry tonight was very inspirational to me. I myself have never suffered from an eating disorder, but I have seen many of my friends fall victim to it. I just wanted to tell you--that I'm proud of you. I'm a complete stranger, yes--but I'm still proud of you. Bright blessings to you, and may the Goddess continue to smile upon you.

from brittbrat :

Hey Mary dear. sorry I'm so behind on everything. Many, many congrats on finally being able to get out of that hellhole. Loads of love, Me

from xxlaughyxx :

Aw. I'm glad I got you to at least smile, since your not having an okay time, right now. If you would like to talk, you know where to reach me: AIM/AOL: XxLaughyxX, MSN IM: [email protected]. *hugs*

from lovehurts311 :

BTW - this is the journal "when things start to fall appart" -- so as you may read, my love life right now is at a still. *Sighs* xxlaughyxx

from lovehurts311 :

Chord, you've made my day. I was sitting at my computer with nothing to do. So I decided to lurk around and find a journal to read, from the big list of yours when I came across: "xxlaughyxx: I'm not sure which is more wonderful - the amazing support she offers or her incredibly adorable relationship. :)" You are a wonderful girl in itself. Thanks for the smile and the honor to be on your list of friends.

from anasmyway :

thank you for the note :) muah

from brittbrat :

::hugs and Love:: Mary, you're the best.

from brittbrat :

Hey there Mary sweetheart: This may be my last communication to anyone before I leave. I don't know for sure. I really don't know what to say in response to your latest entry. What you heard in what I wrote was what I was thinking when I wrote it (whoa, is that confusing or what?). Um, I saw this little heart thing in someone else's notes and i thought I'd be the first to leave it in your notes. I ♥ you sweetie and I can't wait to see you. Take care. ♥ and pxiedust, Britt

from anainsight :

Here's a heads-up: Go to my profile and under favorite authors click on Joanne Greenberg. That will take you to a whole list of members who list her as a favorite. You could go by & leave them a message, that way they would know about the ring and maybe join it. "Rose garden" is one of my favorite books, I've loved it since I was twelve and I'm not even going to tell you how many years that is!

from alnovo :

You were wondering whether--or how--to change your template. I just scanned the two most recent entries, but I was immediately struck with how very much it looks like writing under water. If that is how you feel--under water--well then! The medium is the message, and why change anything? You could make the font size a little bigger--at least it's a bit hard to read in my aol browser.

from evesapple :

You don't know me or anything, but I've been reading you for a bit and wanted to reply since I actually can put my thoughts into words at the moment :) Honestly, I wasn't as sad about Sirius' death as I thought I would be either. But I think it's because he just all of a sudden... died. You know? It's like he was there, and then he fell into the veil and was gone. I wasn't even certain he had died until Dumbledore said it, just because I had expected something more, and I also had the thought that it could've been McGonagall, since she'd gone to St. Mungo's and no one had heard about her. I also think because there wasn't any type of funeral or what have you, that it really hasn't sunk in. I think during the next book it'll really hit, because we'll go through the whole thing without Sirius, and there's a chance Harry could get back with the Order and they'd have a proper remembrance. Anywho, on all the other fronts I totally agree with you, Ginny is by far my favourite character [was back in the CoS days and definitely is now] and she'll get together with Neville. I see it as inevitable. Then Harry and Luna will get together, and Ron and Hermione of course. ;-)

from nenna :

I'm sorry to hear about the divorce. I still suffer from when my parents divorced about ten years or so ago. The good thing is that you're not a little child anymore. And your parents talk to you. My parents never really sat down with us to talk. My mother gave us her side of the story and my dad his. Sorry, you probably don't care about this. I wish you all the best. Peace + love

from crystalwalls :

i. am. loving. you.

from nenna :

Congratulations on graduating! =)

from darkfairy13 :

of cource mr. rogers is god :D

from croninhead :

I relate to what you wrote in today's entry, about writing what you want to write about, without worrying about what other people think/want/expect. I struggle with that too. We're not here to entertain others. We're here to speak OUR truths. Enough said. :O)

from escaped-mind :

I love your diary. I was just wondering...by the places you mentioned, do you live in AR by any chance? I'm probably off...oh well.

from invisibledon :

just randomly ended up here -thought I would leave a note

from being-katie :

I love nourish, I carry your entries from there with me inside my Bible case, and I love reading your diary.... you are so beautiful... and I want more than anything to have you love me, because you are so pure even when you feel so defiled...Everytime I read your diary, I wish it were a letter or even more, I wish I could be there listening to what you say so that I can answer your pain with a hug and a promise that you will overcome. stay beautiful

from nenna :

Your diary is very powerful. You're a good writer. Peace and Blessings

from backagain :

OMG! Sorry to be taking up space, but I can't re-sign your GB again this soon. I just wanted to say how very traumatic it is that they cut my little smiley man's mouth off when I signed just now! Poor guy. He never did anything wrong and now his smile is lying all discarded on another line. I don't think I'll sleep tonight. :sob:

from brittbrat :

Hey there Mary darling. I miss your writing muchly and i'm biginning to worry about you. Write whenever you get a chance sweetie. I hope you're alright. Love and blue skies, Me

from phoenix89 :

hello princess, i have been gone long enough to forget pacifiste's password...so until i'm through with arguing her up, i'll be your phoenix. another bad breakup, friendship blossomed with a truly charming girl, renewed a friendship with an ex which is amazing, and am taking it day by day. i was cleaning my room the other day and found Darwin and i sat down and read it cover to cover, it gave me insight into whats real and i drew inspiration to live lively again, after putting closure to a few things. nice to see your notes : ) [email protected]

from elfling :

new layout = nice, but loads slowly.

from brittbrat :

Oh that new layout is grand dearie. I'm so happy you're taking care of yourself. Much kudos to you. ::hugs:: Love, Britt

from chilindrina :

hey you... I love LOVE your new layout. =) And it's so perfect for it all...

from perdiendome :

two notes in one night--special you. i couldn't not write. i hope it means something to send many thoughts of joy and friendship and huggling your way. because i am right now... which (we both know) doesn't mean everything, but means something... and no, i wouldn't slap mary for using numbers to express her feelings... all it would take would be to refer her to some wonderful entity like nourish that would remind her why she counts, not numbers. :) nitey nite now, for real!

from perdiendome :

thought that you'd be especially happy to hear about the therapist appointment... and i am pretty proud of myself too! [gives herself shiny gold star] huggles, my friend!!

from circling :

what a miraculous, melodious, thunderous chord of hope and perserverance you are! after such a jittery tearful day, receiving your note and smile bouys me up again. brilliant hearts like yours shine light into the future, when my eyes clouded with doubts can barely see the next step. a crooked smile of thanks...xx s

from iwillsurvive :

I don't really know what to say other than I feel like the last half of your entry could have been written by me if I was feeling that honest. Especially the asexual part and the part about people thinking things about how you look (or at least, us thinking they are thinking that). Somehow, I am comforted by the fact that someone as smart as you has the same thoughts that I do.

from dirrrtycat :

you're an amazing person...thank you for starting the c.a.g.e.d diaryring. hang in there, I am praying for you =]

from lilith73 :

please hang in there, okay?

from excentrique :

hey, i just made a rings page, i put up the caged link. bye bye!

from kidneygurl :

I read your diary today; I will return, take care!

from chilindrina :

I will, I promise!! As soon as my inspiration comes back... I don't know where it went.

from blockhead85 :

Hey I just stumbled upon your diary. I thought I'd drop by and let you know that I'll pray for you. I'm sorry you have to go through what you do. I'm looking forward to more entries. ~Carmela

from iwillsurvive :

I really have nothing profound to say here, but I want to tell you that I hung on every word in your entry today. I'm so glad your session went so well and you are both on the same page. :)

from perdiendome :

dear, dear mary: if you are ever close to not winning (which i in all my wisdom do not foresee happening, and is therefore very very very very unlikely) i will do anything i can to fight on your side. whatever that would entail... i'd sell my plasma to buy a ticket to come see you, or i'd write nasty letters to hampshire, or i'd talk to your doc, or i'd sell my plasma to buy you a ticket to come stay on your couch here, or i'd do anything possible to kick ed ass... but i know you. i mean, i feel like i know a lot of the girl that sits inside mary. and she is very, very brave, and very much a fighter. and very worthy of the good things she has, and very worthy of having more. so i don't think she'll need much from me. but don't forget my offer, b/c i do believe love protects. and i do love you, girl. ::huggle/snuggle/cuddle on couch::

from brittbrat :

There is no "what if [you] don't win." The question is, when? Keep going sweetie. You will beat this thing. Also, I completely agree with iwillsurvive. ::bear hug::

from iwillsurvive :

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Mary)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Okay. It's all going to be okay. If people like us didn't have problems, people like our therapists wouldn't have jobs. They need us to be "fuckups" or else they'd be unemployed. ;) So, don't worry about that. Secondly, he made a mistake today. I'm no professional in that area, but when a person is feeling okay about something, you just don't go digging and basically make up some negative possiblity! I mean, I don't have a PhD (I only have an A.S. for crying out loud) but even I know that! That would be like my patients telling me, "I feel fine!" and then I go to their shoulder and press and turn and press until I make something hurt. I don't think he was being malicious, but I think he made a mistake. Now...YOU are okay. Your reason is much better than his reason and more probable as well. You did nothing wrong at the session. It made you feel uncomfortable (it would me) when he apologized, but he needed to because it was he who made an error, not you. And I'm sure he's a great therapist...mine is too...but none of them are perfect. And none of them are worth getting upset over. He will NOT reject you because he made a mistake. And that is the essence of what is happening here. He made a mistake and you are afriad he will reject you. That won't happen. You are worthy of help. You are a good person. There are dozens of reasons for being accepted or not at a college, and your reason is valid. You are okay. You are going to stay being okay. You will not be rejected. (((((Mary)))))

from iwillsurvive :

When Hampshire asks you to come and give the speech at their pitiful little graduation ceremony, you will have to check your calander and politely decline as you will be attending the Tony Awards that evening to receive your lifetime achievement award and you simply will not be able to make it. Hampshire, shampshire!

from perdiendome :

::huggle:: to you, my friend. for the person finding your diary, for the shame you faced last night. maybe this will brighten your day a bit: chordchild is my favorite diary to read. when i click "buddy list" and see chorchild in red, i smile. but i save it to read last. because it's the best--it's dessert! :) take care...

from iwillsurvive :

((((((((((((Mary))))))))))) Gosh, what is it with real life people finding online journals lately?! Man. I'm so sorry this happened. I think you reacted totally appropriately. You are so inspiring to me. I hope you know that.

from ellemalen :

I'm trying to devote myself to recovery now. Sorry I didn't put up the code, but when I get everything settled in and figured out I probably will. I'll be sure to check out the forum!

from speculating :

<3 Thanks for letting me know. :)

from perdiendome :

i love bear hugs!! thanks!! :) and mary, i want to think of something to submit to your diary... but it'll take me a while. i'm slow. :) and thanks for letting us know about shannon. (no more emoticons but leaves with a grin and a hug)...

from lilith73 :

I so understand the fear of falling on your face when you start off on life. God, you said it so well. And thank you, for your words in my guestbook the other day. They meant a whole lot.

from sherpahigh :

I am glad Shan has you. Thank you for being there for her... it makes me sleep a little easier. Cheers. A.

from iwillsurvive :

Oh, linking isn't a problem at all! ;)

from iwillsurvive :

If I'm drowning, I'm gonna grow gills, you can't take this life away from me. OMG! That is so wonderful! I guess I'm totally out of touch because I've never heard that before. You are so strong, Mary Brave;) So very strong. So insightful. Through the thorns and the weeds that surrounded you, you have pushed through the soil and become a beautiful bud. And the flower is blooming. And I'm so honored to be here to watch it:)

from xxlaughyxx :

Aww, Im glad that I had a chance to make your day. Sometimes everyone needs to get a smile on your face! And who would do it better than a Laughy? ;)

from perdiendome :

yea, yea, yea, mary! i definitely don't know just how excited you are, but i am happy for you!!! sending you love and a big blue couch :), beth.

from supermommy :

Thank YOU for your note. It was so good to hear a response like that. I wish you well in all of your endeavors! -Mandy (once was mandypandy83)

from xxlaughyxx :

Im so glad I ran across your diary, 8 months ago. I really get sucked in. About 3 years ago, I decided to major in Psychology. You have been doing really well. My significant other has something simliar to how you feel. I let her read your journal and can relate. I wish you the best, Chord. *Hugs*

from perdiendome :

oh wow... that was long! :)

from perdiendome :

oh, mary... i wish i could do something to speed along that real, physical home that i know you need... just the other day in class i was sketching my living room (i rarely pay attention in class, not b/c i'm not interested, i just really think i might have add) and so most of one page of my spanish american lit class notes is covered with a sketch of my favorite couch (big, blue, soft) and the paneled wall behind it adorned with road signs, and the great reading lamp next to the couch illuminates the whole thing and casts fun shadows. and after drew it i thought of you, b/c you asked for a couch, so i wrote, "a place for mary brave" but then added a question mark... b/c you deserve a much better place. one all your own. with your own signs and your own light to read by. well, know that i'm wishing you a lot more than what you have, and what i can give... but all that i can give is yours, whenever you need it. warm hugs and take care...

from circling :

Here's a HUGE HUG ((chord)) from your home on the outside...keep believing in future homes at weddings, baby showers, graduations, parties when all your friends at R invite you to your the new homes they've made - that day will come (I've been there!) and you'll be so glad that you've trusted that that first home was a fruitful seed to give birth to other homes... replicate and multiply that love and spread it...like you've already been doing, here... cry, yes. feel, yes. but never *ever* give up on this dream that even better homes are to come... i love you and am sooo proud of you. xoxo circling

from iwillsurvive :

Here is a big hug for you ((((((((((((((((Mary Brave))))))))))))))

from perdiendome :

YOU ROCK!! I mean, I'd join your cheering section any day, but it's fun when we're cheering b/c of scoring a touchdown, and not the old "De-fense! [clap, clap] De-fenese!" You know? And I hope the parent situation... improves. I really do.

from backagain :

I think you're fantastic. Have I told you that? As a person and a poet and an everything else. I love you.

from backagain :

I would have offered help, but it would be like destroying the whole thing off the bat. I'm not so good with the html. But I do like it (the new layout) very much, and no, it doesn't look terrible to me. Just a wee bit unfinished. If, while piddling with html today, I suddenly have a breakthrough and find I understand it all perfectly, I'll let you know. :-)

from iwillsurvive :

I've been slacking and just now saw your knew layout. I like it alot! I'm going to admit my ignorance and say that I can't place who that is. (I know it will hit me soon, but I don't know at the moment...) Sounds like you were so very honest at your session. Good for you! Mary Brave indeed! :)

from wllybere :

Hi Mary, I'm sorry you're having such a hard time right now. Remember that even if one of the plates falls, that doesn't necessarily mean it's going to break. I hope you start feeling better soon... By the way I like the start of your new layout. I'm HTML-challenged, so I can't help with your margin issues, but I like the color and the picture! Have a good week!

from elfling :

driving sucks. it is for this reason that you should move to new york or chicago.

from perdiendome :

{{{hugs}}}

from evil-edna :

Thanks for joining the stop-pro-ana ring. I noticed you've got some similar rings yourself and was wondering if you'd seen the diary at http://stop-pro-ana.diaryland.com? I don't run it any more, but I'm pretty certain the new management would love to hear from you.

from iwillsurvive :

Hiya! I think that is such a neat feeling: to actually forget about an upcoming session instead of living for it minute by minute. I've done that a couple of times now, myself. :) By the way, have I told you lately just how brave you are?

from starlight42 :

yes, mr rogers is great. nice diary you have.

from perdiendome :

hold on. hold on tight. get some rest. sleep tonight. new day. new day dawns. then come. sing new songs.

from perdiendome :

you make so much sense i'm right there with you. except i'm kneeling next to the table reminding you that you are Mary Brave, and asking you to come out, and then we could take on all those posers together. we'd tickle them til they laughed so hard they spilled their wine on those fancy dresses. and then they'd cry, and then they'd laugh again and realize how silly they had been acting. have fun with your diaryrings!

from alternamommy :

BettyAlready pointed me towards your Mr Rogers entries. I was really thrown for a loop when I heard that he had died. Your poem really sums up my feelings for the man, too.

from wllybere :

Thank you for sharing your feelings in here. I'm glad I "met" you!

from perdiendome :

thanks for your words. you hang on too, okay? isn't it weird... that bits of electronic information across state lines and mountain ranges make me feel a little better, but what are they, really? you seem so good mary, that sometimes i wonder if you are real...

from elfling :

happy birthday!

from alienbutrfly :

Your welcome! I didnt know anyone else remembered that show haha!

from loki42 :

i just started reading you, i'm stuck. can i email you or im you or something, i just want to be better and you seem to be headed htat way more than me......

from perdiendome :

yes, please do post the poem! :) beth

from ravenly :

Your writing is truly inspirational. I never have "read" such a gifted writer as yourself. I hope that you understand that you have touched so many people's lives through your talent and that you never stop giving us the gift of "you".

from speculating :

Thanks for the welcome. [grin]

from tinkitten118 :

No thanks needed, Ghostwriter (and the ring) rocks!

from fluency :

hey...thanks for understanding my need to lock my diary. it is only temporary because my family found it. here is my password, if you'd like to read. username: upside password: down

from perdiendome :

hey, look, you made it to wednesday! brava! :)

from pacifiste :

no worries dearheart. "we are not forever bound to the circles of the world, and beyond them is more than memory." - JRR Tolkien keep smilin

from perdiendome :

hey mary... just a note to say i relate to the lack of real goodness around. i don't know if this is true for you, but i have a hard time hoping for good things for myself, even for the ones i deserve. so i'm going to hope for you that someone fabulous shows up in your life IN PERSON real SOON. and i hope my hoping works. take care, and take a hug :) ~beth, with extra doses of cheesiness just for you!

from pinkpajamas :

Thanks for the note, Chord. *hugs*

from iwillsurvive :

Hi sweetie! Hang in there!!! (((Hugs)))

from lovelindsey :

there is one good thing about tATu. it's the letters... not the word... and they're russian. so even if we knew the words we wouldn't know the meaning... unless we asked. but who asks these days? *winks and hugs you* (aren't they lovely and bouncy?)

from whereistand :

It's okay. I knew it would. The reason it does is the reason I want to read it.

from iwillsurvive :

WOW!!!! Amazing! Wonderful! You did it! Congratulations, sweetie! :)

from backagain :

oh. my. god.

from elfling :

3. just found out somewhere that Sarah Lawrence college has no tests/grades. you may know that already?

from elfling :

1. nice layout! 2. *I* like the Powerpuff Girls, so there.

from elfling :

first of all, I totally never realized you had a notes thingy... but anyway. what I really want to say is something generic and silly about college. and it reeks of I'm-older-and-I-know-better, but I can't help that. it is this: as awesome as Hampshire must seem, figuring that you must fit a college to you rather than fitting yourself to a college seems like a recipe for disaster. So many things could go wrong even at a seemingly dream-place, and so many things could go right at a second-choice place. this sounds cliche, but I really believe it. ethical oppositions and all, please give yourself more options. don't take the chance on one school. also, wouldn't even a second-choice program be better than another year in *#&(%#? also, if you were in NYC that would totally rock.

from perdiendome :

Mary: If words from a stranger can be help, this is what I'd say; what comes to my mind are words from another Mary, and are surprisingly applicable, "No more; forever, no more, because I've unshut my eyes..." And you have. You know the truth, what to do, what to act on. Head to heart is quite a distance, but my guess is that your heart is already leaning towards the same conclusion as your head, because I think you have a heart very interested in the truth. Just be you--be brave... and the quote belongs to Mary J. Blige, by the way.

from scanzilla :

My little brother got his arm stuck in the microwave. So my mom had to take him to the hospital. My grandma dropped acid this morning, and she freaked out. She hijacked a busload of penguins. So it's sort of a family crisis. Bye!

from backagain :

It's lovely, little Mary person. You're lovely.

from refractory :

What a breathtaking poem! I'm so glad you shared, that was wonderful!

from brittbrat :

Mary Brave: That was a beautiful poem. It seems like it's been forever since the last time you posted any of your poetry. I wish you would bring your glitter out more often. It would look totally awsome sprinkled across the FairyMobile. :-) Love, Britt

from refractory :

Oh. My. Word. Scale explody looks divine. Happy new year, m'dear. I'm on a much needed break, but I'm reading lots. That means lots of dorky notes, such as this one;)

from lovelindsey :

don't see this as a "they hate my guts". see it as "hey, maybe this is fate letting me know there's other stuff out there for me... you know... in warmer climates and such" *winks* try to see it as the world's way of making you see what other options you have... so you can at least be like, "hey, i explored my options, and i sitll got into Hampshire... AWESOME!" *insert smile here* with the samples you sent me i don't see how you couldn't have gotten in... you're simply. freaking. amazingly. wonderful. and you write beautifully. keep your chin up. it's not over til the fat hampshire lady sings. and hey, maybe you can get her for your next play... you know? *love and glitter*

from lovelindsey :

the "her" in my entry was not referring to you, it was refering to his girlfriend who seems to find it amusing to pacify herself by insulting, degrading, and belittling others. everything i always told myself i'd never tolerate. and now i find that others think she's golden because she carries his child. as. freaking. if. ugh. (and sorry about the note, and lack of e-mail, i'm short on time tonight) *absolute glitter and love and infinite beaches with everwarm sand*

from pacifiste :

you have been through so much, don't stop fighting now. you -are- mary the brave to me...just know that.

from lovelindsey :

i. am. thankful. for. you.

from lovelindsey :

i didn't mean to disappear dollface. i've found new residence in places not so well known to my friends here. i think it's a keeper. and this time i mean it. i hope things there are doing alright. my wings have gone again. i see no return any time to soon. *shrugs* what can you do, you know... so *love* and *hugs* and i hope you're doing alright.

from brittbrat :

Somewhere out of reach, at the back of my mind are the words I wish to tell you, but cannot define. So I'm dropping you this note just to say that I care, in hopes that those words will magically be there. :hugs:

from mystomach :

read entry 9 of my guestbook. insilenceoftheiryelling, heather

from iwillsurvive :

This was once said to me, "I've found that people who have spent their lives without safety and love find therapy to be an oasis of sorts--it is very natural to be happy to find water to sip and shade to sit under; and it is very natural to not want to leave that place." And when we do 'leave', we really don't, you know. Because we take with us a map and the special knowledge that we can find our way back whenever we need it...and even better, that we can plant an oasis of our own when we are ready.

from iwillsurvive :

Here is a ((((((Hug)))))) and a reminder that you are not alone.

from backagain :

If I had money for a plane ticket, you'd have a hug in a second (or however long the journey might take...). But I don't.

from backagain :

You always make me think too much and I wind up writing entries inspired by you and staying up too late. I wish I could hug you. I really, really do.

from iwillsurvive :

I just don't know what to say. I cried when I read the note you left me. How can you know that I needed to hear each and every one of those words? Thank you so very, very much. :)

from mystomach :

hey... i've wanted to write since you first signed... i think we've got a lot in common... more so after my last few entries. i dig your diary... maybe we can both kick eachother out of rehab one day

from pacifiste :

mary sweety! ;) how have you been? truth be told, i've thought of you multiple times over the past two months. i wanted to write to you (i had saved your address from when you sent me Darwin), but i never mustered up the courage. maybe i'll try again one of these days, i'd like to anyway. *snuggles*

from backagain :

Well, look at that. Link didn't work. I am technically inept. Anyhoo, yeah, I have a habit getting hurt bathrooms. It's fun.

from backagain :

Eek! You poor thing. I'm glad it wasn't any worse and that you were able to call for help. You're in good company though, falling out of the shower. <a href="http://backagain.diaryland.com/011229_82.html">I</a> think I made out slightly better though. Thankfully, because I wouldn't have been smart enough to make someone come help me. Take care of your bruised little self.

from backagain :

I was just searching through my memory and all my books, looking for just the right words to borrow from someone else, because I couldn't think of any of my own. But I couldn't find anything for you, even from people wiser than me. I am sorry though and here. At a loss for what to say, but here. And I wish it could be easier.

from refractory :

m'dear, i know exactly what you're going through, i could can identify with every one of your words in your last entry. we should have a sleepover (minus the food and self help books, we both need a break;)

from leopardray :

Your entry in the-closet was so well-said. I thought many similar things, reading that previous entry, but because it made me angry I wouldn't have been nearly so eloquent.

from backagain :

I'm glad there was joy. It makes me smile in the lonely heat. :-)

from pacifiste :

doll, i don't think anything you'd say would be completely horrible; tell me whatever you'd like -i'm more than willing to listen. because i think, perhaps, the sun gives a little sparkle each time i know that you know i'm here..: )

from pacifiste :

dolly dearest! i just wanted to tell you that...you're so much alike me its...scary! sometimes, jumping into 7 or 8 classes that are only half interesting can be the spark that makes the little blue flame burn -making things to come worthwhile. nevertheless, its a quick fix for a nauseous boredom so heavily plaguing the youth of today...why will there not be something more to the world than a robotic dead-will to live...wait, no one even appreciates living, except those who take it upon themselves to morph into one being who wants to know everything and see all, with the prospect of knowing they can't, but hell, we try anyhow. sorry mar, you got me rambling again...i think its time for me to get off my darned little soapbox and go to bed; because frankly, im scaring myself a bit.

from backagain :

Thanks so much for your words of encouragement. It does help to make me feel better, knowing it seems to you like I might be heading for okay. And to something you wrote in your last entry (#7 on the list I think it was?)- I think I know what you mean. Small things will happen sometimes, when I'm feeling well and stable, to undermine that stability. And my first instict is to cut. Then I realize that's silly, that I'm still okay and don't need that. I think it's just where my mind goes, now, automatically. It encounters bad and tries to find the first safe and familiar thing, the first aspect it knows I can control. Whether it's actually going to happen or not. I'm not even sure that makes sense. ::shrug:: But I think it's roughly what I wanted to say. Take care. ~ Shan

from backagain :

You are incredible. Thank you.

from pacifiste :

sorry, anathyst is pacifiste now....french for anti-war : )

from pacifiste :

hey mar...im well, thank you : ) and how have you been? this summer has beening coming to an abrupt level of boredom only to be surpassed with the business of my school schedule come september...god only knows i need something to keep myself busy. parties, boys, and cigarettes- have potential to get quite old. you need change sometimes, you know? take care dearest...-krista

from pinkpajamas :

Thanks for the note, Chord. I hope you're having a beautiful day! :)

from heidiann :

Hi there and thank you so much for joining the Beauty Is Me diary ring! xo, Heidi

from the-magus :

A potato print, I believe, is what happens when you take a potato, cut it in half, carve a design (like a stamp) into the cut bit, dip it in ink of some sort, and then stamp it onto fabric or walls in some sort of a pattern. I think. I've never done this, but I've seen it on tv a lot.

from hiitsme :

Hi, chord... Hope all is well in your reality. Let me know when you're ready to present yourself again. All good wishes for health and happiness, Tim

from refractory :

ahhh, the joys and tears of tampering with ones layouts;) i feel your pain:)

from refractory :

ani, tori, dar, knitting, and agoraphobia. my my my, we have lots in common;) thanks for joining the agoraphobia ring. love your journal, i'll be back for more:)

from yotothechild :

chord- i feel like a horrible little peeping tom. for several weeks now, ive been reading your diary without your knowledge. i apologize for not presenting myself immediately but i decided i should finally say hello. i enjoy your writing style alot and i feel for you on so many levels. while our experiences don't mirror each other perfectly, i've suffered the same feelings as you have and while it was some time ago, reading your entries made me realize there is so much i still havent dealt with. im not there yet but i feel like your pushing me toward something. on several occasions when i read your diary, i feel like i've just written something and gotten it out of me. like i've just revealed a secret little place inside me that maybe i didnt know was there, through you. thanx chord hearts, yo

from white-rook :

I read your entry in the Closet... ::big hug:: I have an anxiety disorder and depression as well, among other things... when I read your entry, I was very impressed by your honesty. You are a very brave girl, to pour your words out like that... and even though I don't know you personally, I sincerely hope that your full freedom arrives as quickly as possible.

from twitchygeek :

at this point, i'm not even sure i remember how i tripped over some keys and landed in your diary. i thought i was the only one who remembered "better off dead." and dialate was my end-all saving grace for months. i'm right there w/you, chica. (but don't bother reading my diary, i'm relatively boring, i promise. :) )

from chordchild :

:) in terms of war paint, I've always been a fan of glitter. but then, lately, I've been thinking maybe something a bit darker - more of a contrast, you know? I suppose it'd be more fair also if I didn't look so innocent and non-threatening. otherwise, what will they do when I drop kick them? as far as the doctor goes, he needs to explain himself. though I'm not sure how one explains such an incredibly idiotic comment. in what context *is* that a good thing to say? remember: doctors are hired help, and they're just as easily *fired* help. even though it sucks to start again, it's better than being treated with unfair disrespect. glad to have you as an ally; I was getting a bit lonely in my battling.

from relish1280 :

I've had the same doctor for years. He knew that I had been hospitalized with bulimarexia and yet the last time I was there he said "your weight is looking better but you could still stand to lose some" and refered to me as morbidly obese which I'm not at all!!!! Sick twisted people... But you're a good grrl. You're fighting so hard and I'm so proud of you for it!! I used to be a real fighter but I've lost some steam from all the indifference or flat out negativity but from reading this, I get angry all over again and maybe I should get my warrior paint back out :)

from relish1280 :

It's just that when I read your words I feel dizzy... like I know them, like I'm friends with them. I know what it's like to hate Ed with everything in your body and mind and heart and still have your body, mind and heart be a slave to Ed... I get trapped in your words and even though they are sometimes painful I have to keep reading because if I didn't it would be even harder because I would't know where I was headed... I'm having a hard time explaining myself... shit..

from agiel :

Yay! I'm ever so very very glad to hear that Harriet has gotten sincerely GOOD.

from thryn :

would it be completely weird if i looked into plane tickets to where-you-live? because sometimes, plane tickets aren't really all that expensive. it's a thought. of course, it might come off as kinda stalker-ish. -k-(not a stalker)

from brittbrat :

Dear Love-ed one, how long ago did you write that note? I really need to check things more often. I understand your not reading my lists. I had not thought you would. It's not going as well as I plannned. You are an inspiration my dear. I know things are hard right now, but I also know that they will get better. You are stronger than this. Your lover(the connotation before it became tainted), Britt.

from frenchpress :

hi gurl, this is a message of faith in you ..only you know what you need! you are trying to get healthy and i honor you in that..big hugs!!heart~frenchpress

from agiel :

DearOne: regardless of what anyone might tell you (including those insidious voices in your head), you are as far from poison as you could possibly be. You are a gifted writer, a talented thinker, and a very good friend. Sleep well.

from mysundown :

I'm glad I stumbled upon your diary.

from agiel :

My darling woman: I'm so very glad to read your pixels again. Thank you for coming back.

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