DiaryLand members area

nothing is forever poptart. just always remember that. when you least expect it, you'll be so happy and full and everythingelseyouveeverwanted. and i know/understand all too well just how lonely i think you feel. we can be lonely together (but by doing so, we won't be lonely at all.)

from deviousone :

Well darling, just remember that I ♥ you, and in the end, it WILL be better just friends. Because with love/relationships comes a whole new level of hurt feelings that are so much better in books because you don't PERSONALLY feel the pain of a broken heart.

from obscuresoul :

thats how you know you miss him. you just wrote an entire entry as a run-on sentence! :-( im not trying to be mean or critical, just an observation. i hope you prove yourself wrong and the school year ends up being just as good or better than this summer. good luck!

from raven72d :

Any time, lovely one.

from raven72d :

18 August-- great entry.

from screemingink :

mmm...i love cursive. and you read good books. and on top of that..your writing is utterly brilliant.

from hamiltonian :

I really love that last entry...

from hamiltonian :

I agree with every word of Joshalyn.

from j-monster :

Your writings here are amazingly beautiful. I wish I had half as much talent to put such simple words down on a computer and still be able to invoke such imagery and emotion.

from jilljohnston :

no seriously, lauren! pleaaaaaasee!!! my summer is going pretty well. i've been at WESTMONT summer school, and i've met a lot of new friends, and stuff. omg, lauren there is like this one group of hott guys. one has a mohawk, and he is so so so hott. but, i don't think i can talk to him. it'll make nick jealous or something. but i've met a lot of guy friends and girl friends. how is your summer? i hope it's totally rockin' for you. much love, jills

from jilljohnston :

if you were to have any CD, which would you like? ((i was daydreaming in the car on the way home from summer school, and was thinking about that Kelly Osbourne CD you gave me sophomore year. and i got mad at myself because i don't think i ever gave youanything in return, so now, i want to make it up to you.)) <3 jills

from leely :

yes. july 11th. and i totally plan on going. <3

from leely :

warped tour? ♥

from she-lied :

good luck on yr summer magic. if anyone can make something infinite out of nothing but too long, hot, sticky days, i know it will be you. ♥

from she-lied :

so sorry for losing touch again, darling. i was losing touch with myself for a while, but i think i've been put back together yet again. how are you? i miss you. <3

from leely :

i was listening to that very same song last night. <3

from avantbedroc :

your current entry... Jealous with a capital "ALANA IS DEPRESSED BECAUSE SHE WISHES SHE WAS LAUREN"

from beheadbarbie :

hey hun, how are you doing? sorry it took me so long to respond. i'm dumb like that. yeah i'm feeling okay. feel somewhat sick. i'm listening to the mar volta. they are making me smile. ever heard em?

from leely :

i'm sorry this note took forever to reach you. ive been away from this computer, busy doing last minute school things. one more week and it'll become my last year of highschool on its way. but to speak to you love, is just so soothing. its true, first of all, we all have to escape into something. i, {like you}, escape into music. i'm known to get high then come home and just listen for hours. doing nothing more than vision characters on my ceiling. i also escape in writing. and i think you do too. i think we're very similar. i understand what you mean by when you say it's easier to talk to people you've never met. i hate speaking to the faces i see here everyday. so thats why when i write something down in an entry, i usually write something like; "if i know your face, and you know mine, lets not speak with our mouth, and only with our eyes." i don't like talking about whats really going on with anyone here because i think {a lot of the time} that they really don't care. and it could be wrong, but i find myself in this belief so very often. if you ever need to talk to anyone, i'm always here. i'm always going to be open minded and listen to you before choosing what my next sentence will be. you're beautiful lauren, and you must know it. you speak the truth and i see you as a rather mature person. i hope things get well and i hope your smile only grows. <3<3 dalila.

from leely :

... i just LOVE those cd mixes you made for me. theyre being played constantly. <3

from leely :

its so unexplainable. but you know what i mean. the feeling & just everything. i was right there. right beside their feet. and every strum on their guitars made my heart skip its own beats. it was so beautiful. ♥

from raven72d :

Your photos are still wonderful.

from avantbedroc :

tell the world to slow down. i haven't slept properly for two months. i need to catch up on life.

from leely :

oh dearest; YES!! i got it today. i walked in and found a little envelope and shrieked with joy:) your photos are extremely breathtaking and so so beautiful. i love the songs you put on the cds too. theyre all so pretty. ive been listening to them since i opened up the package. thank you for everything love. now it is my mission to write back to you. thought, i must admit; i am a horrible procrastinator. thank you again. <33deedee

from she-lied :

i'm so glad we're in touch again too. i know how the falling in/out of love cycle goes, the falling in love part feels electric and the falling out of love part feels like the end of the world. i'm loving being alive too, for the most part. things have been kind of rocky lately but somehow i always manage to make it out scarred & battered but better for the experience. i guess that's how it always is.

from leely :

its quite alright. thank you love, i cant wait until it comes my way. ♥

from she-lied :

i've missed you sooooo much & i absolutely don't mind that you found me. i missed your beautiful notes. how have you been?

from takexmyxhand :

*smiles* yr welcome babe.

from takexmyxhand :

just so you know, hun, madyson has moved to "she-lied" [i know how much you love/miss her.]& thanks for adding me :)

from deviousone :

I asked my mom about the Cursive show...she said she'll thinking about it. WOOOO! So ask your mom and see what goes down.

from leely :

i havent gotten your package yet. hope its on its way:)

from suffocatexme :

thank you and i like you!<3

from leely :

yipeeee. you have my address already right? <3

from leely :

oh i absolutely love hearing from you. and im so excited to get your photos soon. ooh & a mixedcd as well[?] yipee. im sorry for the mental slapmarks on your forehead and im sure i will love your photography. what day are you sending them my way love? ♥dee

from jilljohnston :

CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR CONFIRMATION!!! <3JILLIAN

from soloknight :

Prfiles come in handy when trying to find a person with common interests- who doesn't just repeat what everyone else is listing, and refrains from using profanity. Relient K is my 2nd favorite band, Fitzgerald is my literary hero. I also like a lot of the bands you listed (Thursday... took a few listens, but I got them in the end). I have yet to read your diary, logistically complexed one, but I will.

from kittyleopard :

Awesome diary. I love the layout. I'm adding you, whether you like it or not. Bwahahaha!

from leely :

SECRET_ im high right now. SECRET_ i feel like i have the power to do anything. SECRET_ i dont have a bestfriend and wonder if i ever will. SECRET_ no one here understands my way of thinking and who i am. SECRET_ i want to hold someones hand and not have to deal with the heartache portion. im sure i have plenty of more; but thats all i can think of within this two minute period. take care love. ♥

from leely :

talk to me. tell me a secret. tell me how youre doing. your words are sometimes all i need to hear. youre so supportive. about everything. thankyou <3

from jilljohnston :

propaganda, even though it still exists- never believe the persuasions being passed down from plastic media.

from avantbedroc :

i didnt steal your barbie idea!!!!!!!

from leely :

you have always been so so supporting of my everything. thank you once again ♥

from leely :

<3<3<3 LOVE YOU.

from justanother- :

whoa, you've made me blush & thank you for your beautiful words. i change layouts far too often. i'd love to use one of your photographs in a layout one day if that's ok with you. life is actually going pretty well right now, which kind of worries me. have you ever felt like things are going so well that the only way they could go are down? i just feel like i'm on a rollercoaster & it's building up & eventually i've have to come crashing down. but i think i' going to just enjoy feeling infinite while i can. how are things with you, darling? <3

from andwebreathe :

It is quite wonderful, as it does sound your friend is. Loveyou♥

from avantbedroc :

My taste buds have dissapeared and my stomach has turned into a lonely pit.

from justanother- :

i'm so ashamed i don't remember the name of the band. it was a friend of a friend's band & they were pretty good considering they hadn't been together very long. i feel like i've been neglecting you by not sending you notes, sorry it's been so long darling. xoxox

from leely :

yes im back. and its alright that you havent sent them yet. im sure you will eventually. and i understand about school too. mine isnt just a ball of fun either. <3

from jilljohnston :

::acts like a dominatrix:: UPDATE YOU BITCH! NYAHAHHA! I'm so evil... hahah <3 jill

from blushfire :

i feel like i've cheated you. i just need you to know that i read something from your diary for the first time since our ending. i suppose i just don't think it would be fair for me to have read this and not have you know, and now i suppose i'm just rambling. "I could never write about anyone else the way I write about you." - january 8, 2004: 12:46 am. i promise it's the only thing i've read. but it wouldn't be right for me to not tell you that i've read it. i don't even really know what i'm getting at; i just..i need you to know. and i'm sorry that i managed to convince you that three days with me could have any power over you. because when you rely on other people, you become unsure, and you become disappointed. and i'm sure it seems strange that this is what i've read, the one thing of hundreds that i've come across, but i was asked to read it; i'm sorry if you didn't want me to. and i'm sorry if i've invaded something of yours. i really don't know where i'm taking this. i seem to have forgotten how to end things {how ironic}. i just hope you know you're not the only unsure one.

from gloryxxfades :

yeahh! that's the once i mean then. haha, he keeps saying like "you're gay" or whatever. did you listen last night? i love how the littlest things get adam started<3

from gloryxxfades :

yahh i try to listen but it keeps me awake &i need more sleep. but when i do get to listen it's the best__ adam always makes me laugh. those callers are so dumb sometimes. did you hear the dr. drew mix anderson made up?<3

from gloryxxfades :

grr, at least you can speak a few words. not too fluent really. hey do you still listen to loveline?<3

from gloryxxfades :

haha! i know, that song is hillarious. ohh &fall in love with the eighties is the Best. yeah capital H. can you speak tagalog?<3

from gloryxxfades :

aww i've never seen them live. but i love them, they just sound soo happy. did you hear the hidden track on the newest rK cd?<3

from gloryxxfades :

cool, you like reliant k too. do you have their new one?<3

from gloryxxfades :

wow, it makes me happy that there.s someone like me out there. &so close too. [bay!area] are you into baseball. [sorry for randomness]<3

from justanother- :

we'll paint the world black & blue & everyone will be jealous. ♥♥♥

from justanother- :

you for sure have to take me with you darling. we'll spend every damn day feeling infinite. xoxox

from gloryxxfades :

hmm__ not san jose but near, hayward. how about you?♥

from avantbedroc :

i jumped ahead and sent an email to you at diaryland.com- afterwards i saw yr aol addy. hope it got thru.....ive got some things i want to send to u, fwd me your home addy..ah, warning s-t-a-l-k-e-r!!!!!! -i only want to send tunes

from gloryxxfades :

godd, i think we.re so alike__ loveline, music, everything.<3

from gloryxxfades :

hey there. yay for pnays<3

from justanother- :

i fully understand about the apathy. i get that way too. sometimes i wonder if it would be better just to go through life completely numb. but then we'd miss the infinite moments too. & sometimes those make it all worth it. i'm fine... i'm sure i'm driving my boyface insane though lately. the long distance thing is taking it's toll on me lately. i know in my heart i'm the only one he loves & sometimes i actually believe that but then my paranoid jealousy gets in the way... i'm going to shut up now because it's almost two in the morning & i've stopped processing thoughts. ♥♥♥♥

from justanother- :

i miss you ♥♥

from suffocatexme :

youre such a sweetie lauren..never forget that..<3

from leely :

i had no idea that entry would mean so much to people. it was just me saying everything i felt rather than thinking it. this is my last day to be here for sure. my internet access may disappear by tomorrow afternoon. so if this is the last note you recieve from me in a while; just remember that ill keep writing. and when i get your package in the mail, ill write back asap. you have been one of the few here at diaryland that give me the courage to express what i really feel. with every note i get from you i feel accepted and wanted and you just encouraged me to go out and get what i wanted no matter how hard it was because in the end, the result would be amazing. id like to thank you for that and every note of advice you have ever sent me. i wish you the absolute best in the future and hope you get everything youve ever wanted and deserve. this is goodbye sweetheart; but not forever; just now. ♥dalila

from leely :

ooh yes that sounds fun. ill get to writing you and send you some goodies as well when i recieve your photos. ohh snailmail is the best.

from leely :

it dies around the thirtieth of this month. and when it dies; its going to be gone for a long while because the only way we would get it back would be if i paid for it out of my own pocket with nothing in it. but ill probably be going to the library like all the time. so id keep in touch with everyone of course. <3

from leely :

im glad i brighten up your day. i cant believe my internet is going to die soon. that means im going to die soon too. ohmy. have a nice day precious <3

from leely :

im glad i brighten up your day. i cant believe my internet is going to die soon. that means im going to die soon too. ohmy. have a nice day precious <3

from justanother- :

i'm sorry it's taken me so long to write back, darling, but the last few days have been me trying to clear my mind. i'm glad i unlocked my diary too. i missed my lovenotes. even though it felt good for a while to write for me & me only & knowing no one else would ever read what i'd written. i felt like i'd started writing for me but after a while i'd started to omit things so i didn't upset anyone. & i miss hearing from you too...your notes always make me smile. xoxox

from leely :

your note made me smile veryvery wide {again}. i wish you lived by me. we could go out and be thriftshop dweebettes together and catch emoboys with our hearts on our sleeves. heheh i adore you. <3

from leely :

ohmygosh lauren. he is so so so gorgeous. im for sure going back next weekend. hes twentytwo though. im seventeen. do you think he would be too old for me? <3

from blushfire :

Also, I did not cheat. {I'm still a winner.}

from blushfire :

Really? Well, please, remind me again what the scores were. What was it... 20 to 0, 39 to 1? Well, seeing as to how the game is out of 20, I think I'll call myself a winner. Hmm, yea, I think that's what I'm going to do. WINNER WINNER WINNER!!! I AM A WINNER!!! LAUREN IS BAD AT CARDS AND I AM EXTREMELY GOOD LOOKING!!! HAhaHAhaHAhaHAhaHA just kidding. Lauren is really bad at cards. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH P.S. I AM A WINNER

from deviousone :

we didn't go. no one was able to come with so i basically said fuck it.

from andwebreathe :

Great to hear it all went okay, hope you looked hot on T.V. as well ;) and life is sickly ironic. ♥

from deviousone :

Dude...I'm watching MTV2 right now (The Osbournes are on,okay?!) and there's a commercial for "Tha Down Low", a CD that has ALL the hip-hop songs we grew up with. i'm talking SWV, Shai, Mary J. Blige-"I'm going Down", Boys II Men...shit man. HELLA memories. I love you; have fun in San Fran.

from leely :

ooh sounds like fun. give me your email address and ill put my home address in an email to you. this is so exciting. <3

from andwebreathe :

1! Thank you for the compliment on my template, yes that is me. I wish I would have worn a skirt instead of those jeans though. 2! I'm not sure why that entry had made me cry, but for some reason it aroused emotion in me. 3! I was on the food network a couple months ago, and a really good tip is to NOT look around you. Try to keep your eyes focused on one thing, because my eyes were fluttering everywhere and I looked like a psycho. Also, don't look up. And move as little as possible. 4! Good luck

from leely :

i know ive said this before, but whenever i get a note from you, all i can do is smile within and feel my eyes shine with innocent tears because youve made me so happy within this two-minute period. its like my heart floods with happiness and i just feel like telling you that ILOVEYOU because only certain people can make me happy and dear, you are one of them. thank you for every word you said to me. thank you for taking time out to type it up. thank you for really thinking so... highly of me. you bring out ideas and concepts ive never realized. you tell me things ive never thought about. you were the one who made me think there was hope. i never knew i had an influence on anyone. i never knew i was like sunshine. you make me sound like a gorgeous once-in-a-lifetime dream. like people fall in love with me and never confess to it. you make me feel like someone out there admires me and everything i stand for. needless to yet again say; thank you. for everything and everything lauren. really, thank you. <3dalila

from obscuresoul :

good luck on tv! i hated that book. i had to read it in freshman english for a report. i understood it but i didnt like the style of writing of the author. but anyway, good luck! --angela

from andwebreathe :

Your last entry made me cry ♥

from beheadbarbie :

you're the most kick ass-est person i have EVER known.

from poeticjustis :

hey you - i'm oddly amped about this too. SOMEBODY INTERESTING IN SAN JOSE. my best friend lives in san francisco, so i have the healthy escape every weekend or so, thank god. i'm a senior at pioneer - our drama director does your school's shows too. i know a few of your asb officers and what not. my name's courtney, btw. p.s. finals blow hard.

from justanother- :

the new meds are treating me okay. i feel so much better now. it took me a few days to get adjusted to them. i just wish it didn't take me being completly stupid & depression to make me ask for a change. but enough about me. how are you doing darling? xoxox

from beheadbarbie :

thank you. thank you. thank you. i love you sooooooooo much. plus jimmy eat world kicks ass. as do you. :D

from beheadbarbie :

hey babe. i was wondering how does one go about making their own template? i'm really interested in learning how. if you're willing to help me, i'd appreciate it so much. thanks a lot.

from poeticjustis :

you listed an entry of mine as one of your favorites, so i began to read your journal, and i was engrossed. congratulations on being inexplicably admirable. i checked your location, and we LIVE IN THE SAME FUCKING CITY. who are you, what school do you go to, doesn't san jose blow? drop me a line over in my area of d-land. btw: cursive "the lament of pretty baby" rocks my socks off.

from andwebreathe :

You should read the book "Me: The Narcissistic American" It's by Aaron Stern, and I think you'd love it as much as I do. They've got copies on Amazon for a buck if you can bribe your parents into letting you use their credit card :) ♥

from avantbedroc :

funny. i was just reading your diary last night and i had lost hope.but then i got yr note!yEy!

from deviousone :

not in your uniform, babe...an even better chance for rebellion is upon us... Wednesday, don't wear your uniform to school. Spread the word. We're boycotting uniforms during finals. You can help us! YAY I love you, and you better study tonight or tommorow or I'm kicking your ass. I mean, come on! EVEN I STUDIED!

from justanother- :

sorry for going 'lifetime movie of the week' on you. i'm fine now, i hope. i just had a momentary lapse in judgement & thought it would be a good idea to go off my meds for my bipolar disorder resulting in, well... that. they switched meds so that i won't feel as space-y & numb as i was feeling. thanks so much for being here. xoxoxox

from beheadbarbie :

thank you babe. "it's nice to know people see beauty in what you do." omg i love that line. it's friggin awesome and true. don't worry we will talk soon. when the time is right.

from leely :

thanks. ill be sure to capture every moment i can. im extrememly excited!! <3

from andwebreathe :

No, I'm not leaving. Dland is too much of an addiction for me to leave. ♥

from avantbedroc :

he\\o. i love your words.

from andwebreathe :

Thank you ♥

from jilljohnston :

OMG LAUREN! I LOVE THAT MOVE: OFFICE SPACE!! Ha, ha! It's H-to the ilarious! Ha-ha-ha... <3 jill

from justanother- :

that's in no way concieted... to know that you are affecting someone & triggering an action of theirs makes me feel good too. as far as my music goes, it's strange, when i'm depressed or angry the words just seem to flow because it's like therapy only much more intimate than spilling out your secrets to another person who will judge you regardless of the fact that they say they won't/arent's supposed to. human beings cannot be completely judgementless, in my opinion. it's impossible. but the music, once i get everything out...as cliche as it sounds, it's like a weight has been lifted off of my chest & it's easier to breathe. i completely understand what you mean about wanting to still be able to be oblivious to the world around you. it seems like it was so much easier to be a child because you could just trust that things would be ok just because your mom or dad or a grown up told you everything would be ok. there was no heartbreak or losing people you'd never had a chance to really know. but i think now we know too much to go back to that time in our lives. we've had too much heartache & anger & everything else to just be completely oblivious. your notes are a simple pleasure of life for me too, just connecting with someone else on any level is an amazing expeirience. xoxoxox

from dissociate :

ahh, it's getting hard to keep these notes straight...but i love sending & recieving notes from you so now you get them on both accounts haha! anyway, thanks soooo much for complimenting my lyrics. i was completely blown away when you said they evoked emotions like tbs lyrics... tbs is one of the bands that inspired me to start writing because of the way their music made me feel. to be compared to them is like beyond an honor. xoxoxox

from justanother- :

thankyoulikewhoa! i'd love some of your prints. as soon as i can i'll email you my mailing address. i don't really want to leave it all over d-land... i'm not really in the market for a crazy stalker at the moment. hee hee. i'm glad you like my songs, their like your photography for you... the one thing i really take pride in. i haven't been able to really write in a while unfortunately. i'm running low on inspiration, sadly. this morning i ran out to the bookstore to pick up a copy of "bridge to tarabithia" because i hadn't read it in a long time & i suddenly really wanted to. i sat there in the middle of barnes&noble & read the entire thing & by the time i finished i was actually almost crying. because even though i knew what was going to happen in the end, i still somehow expected that if i willed it hard enough, the ending would change. i've always been a little too optimistic that way. i've always believed that things will be alright simply because i WANT them to be alright. i guess that book was good in a way because it woke me up & showed my naive self that the world isn't a nice place & i think the sooner kids learn that the less fucked up they become... or maybe that's a little backwards. maybe you should be allowed to hold onto that innocence of believing that no matter what the good guys always win, the bad guys wear black hats & everyone gets ice cream when it's over. but sometimes the good guys die & the bad guys are never who you expect them to be. long notes are fun, i always love reading yours so keep leaving them! *hugs* xoxoxox, madz

from justanother- :

thankyousomuch. i'm really going to stay away from the razorblades this time. i'm worried that the first time that i get upset i'll go running for them but i don't like to break promises to myself & i've promised myself that i won't. every time i come to your diary i end up looking through your photography again. you really are talented. i love the one of the long hallway... in your last entry you mentioned terabithia & that completely took me back to the fourth grade when i read that book. i got completely lost in it & when i read the ending when the girl (i don't remember her name) dies i was completely shattered. i kept turning the pages, convinced that it was all going to be some dream & that she would come back to life. i think that's the first book that i was exposed to where everything didn't turn out happily ever after. it's one of my favorite books in a bittersweet way because it was the first time i realized that things don't always turn out perfect & happyhappy. wow, i'm starting to ramble so i'm going to wrap this up. you really are an amazing person. i can see that through a computer screen. you have an amazing compassion for people. thanks so much for listening. xoxoxox

from deviousone :

a wise person once said " <3 no words " =) i love you

from andwebreathe :

haha, not a new one just a different variation I had to figure out. It's open now ♥

from andwebreathe :

Oh, I'm just fixing the template around doll, it'll be up in a few moments. If you'd still like to see it while it's being renovated: temporary/locked

from leely :

now i must say; i love your long notes. and i find every addiction of yours {coffee, music, etc.} to be intoxicating to me also. however, the party for this weekend is OFF. the snow kept the adultunits stuck in town when they need to go an hour away to reach the airport. so the party is happening next weekend. but i dont have a digital camera and my scanners broken. if i can convince a boy to bring one then maybe i can have him email me some photos and send them to you. but you have to send me a thousand and two photos of you. alright? <3dee

from justanother- :

thanks so much darling. it was just like everything that night was pressing in on me & nothing felt alright. sometimes nothing still does but it's easy to push that stuff away. my coping mechanism is denial i guess. i ignore the bad stuff & try to focus on what i do have. i just get so insecure when it comes to boyface & losing him. the thought hurts & my "friend" isn't helping things much. she claims i'm never there for her when all i do is listen to her feelings but she's never there for me in return. she thinks i want her to be superman & save me from myself but she doesn't understand that that's not what i want. i just want her to be there for me while _i_ save _myself_. because no one else but me can. she's dating the guy who tried to rape me & she can't understand why that bothers me. she always does go for the guys who either hate me or have hurt me in the past. & i'm thinking that's some kind of sign about her true feelings. i don't know, i'm really not making sense anymore so i'm going to wrap this up. again, thanks for being here for me doll. xoxoxoxoxox madz

from leely :

im glad to hear youre doing well too. i think the whole new year,starting over factor is getting to us. i feel like im ready to do anything. this weekends going to be spent with a couple close friends and just some people that i havent spoken to in a while. we will be at a friends house intoxicating ourselves one way or another. now, i never figured out if you did that sort of thing too. its going to be great. because its my first actual party being over alex. im going to have fun and kiss cheeks and take photos. im going to live. write me another note lover. i love hearing from you. <3dollface

from moongazer17 :

ooh, i loved your latest entry. so true, too.

from moongazer17 :

Your welcomes, sweet one. thank you so much for complimenting my poem, that means a lot coming from you. as for Thursday, i'm addicted to them. and as for you, pretty one, i'm adding you to my favs. hope you don't mind. ♥ Crystle

from andwebreathe :

Wow, thank you so much, you're too sweet! ♥ ♥

from on-my-own31 :

and keep moving *** my bad. heh

from on-my-own31 :

I really like your layout. You are very determined. So am I. I wish you the best and don't keep moving. You can do it, just like I can :) Your added to my reads. Bye! -Angela

from moongazer17 :

i think your diary is so pretty

from justanother- :

yeah, it feels completely awesome to go into this new year like completely knowing who i want & what i want to do. it probably won't last long because i change my mind a lot but for now the stability rocks. i hope the new year was just as amazing for you because you deserve nothings less. xoxoxox

from justanother- :

happy new year dollface. i hope it was amazing for you because it's not less than you deserve. thank so much for keeping me sane this past month with your kind words & advice. i honestly needed them. sometimes it helps to hear things like that from a stranger. take care! xoxoxox

from leely :

i never thought id have such an affect on someone. thanks for everything. all the notes. all the words. all the advice. everything. ♥

from leely :

hope your new years is filled with fun & wonderful adventures. hope you have a great night and have a better year. im trying to live and i just love it. ive never felt so good about myself. take care lovely <3

from justanother- :

aww, dollface i've completely missed our notes to each other too. i completely know how you feel about movies. i go and see one every chance i get, or rent them. it's just so easy to fall into the characters that are on the screen. my favorite time to watch a movie is in a theatre when no one else is there but that's only happened maybe twice because it's not easy to have that accidently happen or make that happen. people don't like it when you try to kick them out of a theatre...go figure. i was looking through your photography...fuck, you're talented. i'm just in awe of all of you're talent. write me back just to say hi or tell me how you're feeling. i'm always here to listen, it's the least i can do. xoxox

from jilljohnston :

i was reading your old journal... or well, rather... reading my memories of it. and lauren, i just wanted to tell you that i think you've grown up and matured in so many ways. though you speak of common "struggles of acceptance"... if anything, you'll always be accepted by me. and i think that people accept you for you. lauren, you aren't ugly... let me at least get that truth out to you. and it's the honest, positive, to god truth. 'cause you know how i feel from the previous note about people telling you somethings you think are completely bogus. there are somethings that you are born with, and those you have to learn that you can't change. (::sarcasm:: jeez look who should be talking) look, i'm not here to save the day, but i am always here for you no matter if we are enviromentally apart. i really believe that you have a lot of good qualities in you. take this as food for thought: you see a guy, he's completely not the fit of your profile when it comes to looks. he's an okay looking guy, but you don't think he's attractive. and what you don't know is, is that this guy has talent, beauty, and artistic quality. her personality allows you to feel comfortable around him. and then you finally notice that it's his personality that makes him more attractive. not all guys are going to think you're attractive. and i'm not saying that in a negative way, because not all guys are going to think that i am attractive.... but until they figure your personality, that's what gets the engine to start going. hopefully my long ass note will make some good sense. <3 jill *if i said anything offending in this note... just chew me out. even better, i allow you to throw a fist in my face*

from jilljohnston :

in response to your recent entry: lauren, i totally feel you on that last entry. sometimes i get so sick of people telling me things that sometimes i think are not true. but you ask over and over and over again, just waiting for them to actually spit out the reality of what you look like. and they tell me the lies because they don't want my eating disorder or perception of myself to get worse. that, AND! they don't want me to hate them for life. but on the other hand, if everyone would to tell the truth, i bet more people would be miserable and suffer extreme heartache. <3 jills

from beheadbarbie :

i love you woman. you're so friggin cool.

from jilljohnston :

lauren- i was wondering... could you help me make a new layout? i've been trying to search for a good one for weeks, but i haven't been successful. if yes, i will supply you with what i would like it to look like. you don't have to do it in a rush, there is plenty of time. or. well, maybe i could do it and you can help me with building it. thank you. love always, jills

from usedpolaroid :

hm. i wish that people knew that i had actual FEELINGS. as opossed to thinking of me as the "rock." i wish i didn't get crushes on older men. i've faded away from my two best friends, have a new one-- but it isn't QUITE the same. that's all i've got for now! xxxxoooo

from usedpolaroid :

there is so much. what would you like to know?

from deviousone :

You're absolutely fucking beautiful...don't think that you ever need to change.

from xactlywhoiam :

Thanks for the note. From what I've seen so far, I like your diary. I'll be back.

from complexlogic :

Please don't cry. Don't be sad. Don't be lonely. Don't be or do anything. Just close your eyes and whisper to the song.

from leely :

you make it sound so fun to express creativity on clothing. im for sure going to talk to my girlfriend about it and get started on some art work i hope. oh & btw; theres a dollar tree a black away from my house too. ♥

from usedpolaroid :

i love the way you write. & i must confess, i dance in front of the mirror to thursday when i get pissed off. only, i don't lipsync, i go all out & sing. <3333

from leely :

im glad you like it; im quite in love with it actually. <3dollface

from beheadbarbie :

the dilly is this place where you meet people. kind of like a dating service. you have a profile and stuff. it's like facethejury.com and ratemyinfo.com

from beheadbarbie :

happy holidays to you as well. it is 9:54 AM and i'm being sucked into the dilly. have you ever been? omg, it's addictive. whatever now i'm rambling. have a nice day. p.s. i liked your latest enrty a lot.

from leely :

i just love your notes so much. im glad you liked my latest entry. i was hoping someone would and thanks for wanting to help me out with this person id like to become <3deeface

from deviousone :

YAYYYY IT'S CHRISTMAS HERE!!! merry christmas darling. it's 10:03, and your note made my night a whole lot better. Maybe soon I'll be something other than that girl to most people...but, until then, FUCK 'EM! fuck them ALL. i'm really tired. it's so nap time. ADIOS! te amo con todo mi corazon

from jilljohnston :

in response to entry dated 12-24: i feel you completely when it comes to the whole trying clothes, and switching them several times. i do it a lot. and i end up ripping off the clothing that doesn't seem to look quite nice, and eventually it will end up on the floor. i hate moments like those. i never felt that way when i had lost so much weight. if i could loose weight again and look the way i was, i would do it in a heartbeat. <3 jill

from leely :

i hope your christmas is full of everything beautiful put together. you deserve it. take care gorgeous <3dee

from blushfire :

Joyeux Noel

from justanother- :

i feel like i should be recieving therapy bills from you dollface. i spent an entire night NOT thinking about him with out even meaning to & it felt fucking great. i have no idea why i'm telling you this useless stuff & boring you to death but i owe some of my sanity to you. xoxox

from beheadbarbie :

love ya babe. merry christmas and happy new year.

from deviousone :

hahahaah your mitten will hella booze it up. just like her babysitter (muahahahaha) aw i wish you all were here with me!! when i live here, i'll pay for you to come visit and we can go to all the cool retro english shops and we can eat all the great food aw i love ytoU!!

from blushfire :

Et Lauren, tu veux savoir quand je suis libre, pas livre. Je ne suis jamais une livre. c=

from blushfire :

Cela est bonne. Mais tu ne dois pas payer pour moi.

from deviousone :

Hi smelly!! Have a great christmas and an even better new years!!! We'll make resolutions to do well this year; to get our shit done, and we'll follow through with them because we have eachother. te amooo (i'll make sure your mitten has fun on new years...hahahahahahahahaha)

from deviousone :

I read because you're beautiful and you have SUCH SUCH SUCH passion for what you write about. =) mUch love from england!! (I lost your mitten on the way to the tube yesterday, and on the way back I found it again. I just think it didn't wanna go drinking with us. hahaha stupid straight-edge mitten-- just like its mommy!)

from justanother- :

you're a fucking amazing person & i'm wishing for days & months & years of happiness for you. thank you so much. i'm adding you to my favorites if that's ok? xoxox

from jilljohnston :

lauren- something that really kept me stable when i was over in the wilderness was the ability to keep in the present. i know this may be a difficult task to perform, because humans are always dwelling in the past or worrying about the future. yet, we never seem to be paying much attention to the present moment. when they say, "live your life fully", i believe the message that they are trying to get across is appreciate everything you do have. there may be something that you want, but that is perfectly normal. all it takes is some patience and some time. if we all were to stop dwelling and worrying, we'd be much happier. living in the present... it makes things so much easier, and everything is so much different. you'll even notice that the music you listen to will become more powerful than before. <3 jill

from raven72d :

Wuff! Joyeux Noel!

from blushfire :

Non, je suis tres sincere quand je dis que je crois que il serait bon pour nous parlons.

from justanother- :

thank you so much. it seriously helped me to be able to vent to you. i'm trying not to lose my trust in everyone _especially guys_ because of this but it's hard. i know boyface knows something is wrong but i can't tell him what happened. but i actually forgot to _not_ smile today so i think that's a good sign. i hope you get everything you want for christmas, you're a fucking amazing person. xoxoxox

from blushfire :

Oui, si tu desires. Je crois que c'est beaucoup etre dire.

from justanother- :

yea, i've read that book. i love it but i never throught about that in relation to this situation. i think i [[know]] that it's ok to be upset over this but by telling myself that the possible situation i could have been put in was so much worse i don't let myself dwell on what happened. i'm one of those people who, when something like this happens, will go back and relive it over & over again & end up depressed. i don't know, i'm just trying to push it to the back of my mind, pretend it didn't happen but then again, i know i'll never get over it if i don't deal with it. i'm torn because none of my friends know what happened because every time i try to tell someone i just [[can't]]. i want to tell them but i _know_ it was stupid of me to trust him when he's proven himself untrustworthy in the past & now that i look back on it i realize how stupid it was to believe he just wanted to _talk_ about everything...outside & away from everyone else. & i really don't want anyone else telling me how stupid that was because i get enough of it from myself. thanks for being here. xoxoxox <3 Madyson

from blushfire :

{As-tu remarque que il est plus facile a dire ensemble quand nous sommes parler en francais que quand nous ne le faison pas?}

from blushfire :

Merci, ca va bien. Et oui, j'ai lire le livre "The Perks of Being a Wallflower." Il etait un de mes livres favorite pour beaucoup de temps. Incidement, la ligne qui a dit, "And in that moment, I swear we were infinite" est sur la page de ma journal. Et oui, Lauren, moi aussi; quand nous etions ensemble, toujours je m'ai sens "infinite." Je crois que cela est l'amite vraiment...

from beheadbarbie :

thanks a lot. you're an incredibly sweet girl. i heart you.

from beheadbarbie :

i really want to see bang bang you're dead. but i'll make sure i see both of those flicks soon. thank you.

from deviousone :

no, i didn't bring my cell. sorry sweetie! i've been taking photos with your mitten; i took one with it next to my dad. hahahahahah it's fucking funny. i also took one at french connection...it said, "fcuk undies" hahahahahhaha YAY! MY MANTRA!!!

from leely :

do you have any new years resolutions darling? <3

from blushfire :

Je crois que je vais etre la pour cette semaine, mais, c'est possible que je serais etre voyager le jour de Noel. Mais j'espere que tu sais que tu ne dois pas me donner rien...

from beheadbarbie :

what are some good independent movies that you reccomend me seeing?

from justanother- :

you don't know how much it means to have someone just let me scream & bitch & vent about this;; thank you! <3. i'm trying to put it behind me & have a good holiday but it just makes me so angry that we [had] years & years of friendship that he just threw away. he's the absolute last person i ever would have thought would hurt me this badly. & i keep trying to tell myself that i shouldn't feel as badly as i do because it could have been so much worse. but i think i stopped believing myself a long time ago. thank you [xinfinity] for listening. <3

from justenough :

you have a beautiful layout, beautiful words, and beautiful taste in music.

from gloryxxfades :

yay you like cool music!<3

from beheadbarbie :

You really liked that entry(Dec. 18)? I didn't like it that much. That's cool. I love your template, entries, and just everything about you. LOL. You're one rockin kid. Hey, what are your fav. Brand New songs? Have you heard Story of the Year? They're good as well.

from beheadbarbie :

I like most of their stuff but my favs, at the moment, are: "Mix Tape," "Seventy Times Seventy," "Jude Law and A Semester Abroad," "Soco Amaretto Lime," "Okay I Believe You But My Tommygun Don't," and "The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows"

from uniquewords :

thanks. i really like your choice in music as well. good bands are good things. byebye

from blushfire :

Bonjour Lauren, et merci. Je crois que meme que tu as dit que Lillian s'est marie une voiture, tu faisait bonne, aussi. J'espere que tu as une bonne Joyeux Noel, aussi. Prendre care.. {no idea how to say that in French c=}

from justanother- :

thank you so much for the note. i'm doing better, i'm coping with everything. maybe a little self destructively but...whatever works right? i just keep telling myself that i'm lucky because it could have been a lot worse than what did happen. but realizing that someone you once cared about more than anything & someone you've known since you were five could do something like this is almost worse than what COULD have happened. i mean, if this had to happen to me i wish it were a complete stranger because it would be so much easier to hate them & it is to hate him. & i realize this note is getting really long so i'm going to shut up. <3

from leely :

exactly. you have a way of understanding every single point im trying to get across. you describe what im feeling so well. you say it with such words that only hearts can feel. i love going to my notes page and seeing a note from you that requires several scrolls on the mouse to reach the end. thank you for every moment you spend in those notes. i really appreciate them<3

from beheadbarbie :

yeah you do blow my mind. i love it when you update. your entries always seem to be deep to me. i love it when things that are deep. i would like to get to know you more too. my screenname's jadedsocial247. im me sometime. have a nice day hun...

from justanother- :

i know, i worship adam [& the rest of the band] i think 'cute without the e' is my favorite song though. or maybe 'bike scene'. but everything they write is genius. <3

from justanother- :

by the way, your writing is amazing too! do you have a favorite tbs song? <3

from deviousone :

I would never be happy with you dead, because that means one less person who I know TRULY believes in me, because he/she KNOWS that i can do it, not just because they have to... I love love love love love love love love love you

from justanother- :

thank you! you have a good taste in music. every band you have listed on your layout is one of my favorites! <3 madyson

from deviousone :

Amen to those old school roots. Remeber this one? "Come and talk to me/i really wanna meet you/can i talk to you?/i really wanna know you/oh/oh oh oh oh/there you are again/the same smile everyday..." ahh good stuff. Hot 97.7 forever!

from jilljohnston :

OoOoOo! I love when you leave me notes! It makes me feel so sprecial!! Okay too bad I totally accidently typed "sprecial". Anyways, I was reading Emmie's note to you, and she's completely right. But besides the looks, if anything your personality shines out more. You personality is strong. You're complex, daring, and willing to taste a bit of everything that life gives you. I know I shouldn't tell you, "NO LAUREN DON'T SAY YOUR FAT AGAIN!!!" because I struggle with image problems as well (obviously). But hopefully as time progresses and as people become more mature, people will realize that the personalities of others is what really makes them beautiful. It makes you see a different side to them that makes them attractive. Not only that, but those people who are given the Y chromosomes... they mature a lot sloooooooooowwwwwwwweeeeeeerrrrrrr than women. <3 jills

from deviousone :

Never, ever EVER worry about being fat or ugly. never change yourself; you're so fucking beautiful. And, very few boys our age can see that because they've been jaded by american society so bad that they believe that thin=beauty. Never change, because the boys will change for you.

from leely :

<3 im glad i mean something to you. heres to the start of THIS lovely friendship? oui?

from leely :

its notes like yours that bring tears and smiles upon my gloomy face. its notes like yours that make me feel as though i have meaning and someone out there understands. a day with you sounds like heaven. maybe one day, dear; maybe you can introduce me to these days filled with happiness. im starting to slowly fall in love with these beautiful phrases you say to me and just everything i absorb in about you. where in california do you live darling? i want to go see you but i have no idea how we could do that. maybe one day love. thats what i have to look forward to<3

from blushfire :

thank you. i'm not something that requires shoulds, woulds, or coulds. please keep that in mind.

from leely :

i barely know you. &you barely know me. friendships were the one thing that i believed in. until two lovers came together and ruined it for me. we must have a lot alike; you&i. it seems that you are rather broken as i am too. im accepting to overlook perfect flaws because flaws are what make people gorgeous. and i can simple get weak in the knees over that. i either trust too easily or dont trust at all. and thats just the way i am. it amazes me that you find such interest in what i have to say. im only seventeen and live in a town where everyone knows the latest gossip every two minutes. everyone sleeps with everyone and you can only trust less than two people. im willing to take a risk on a stranger. send me a photo of yourself love. i want to see who you are. <3dee

from leely :

i wouldnt underestimate you. everyone loves someone for who they are. and thats what i want to do with you<3

from deviousone :

Amen to that one, babe...I miss her too, but I'm afraid (and I kinda know) that as soon as she and I got to where we were last year, that she'd find a reason to hate me the way she hates me now...

from leely :

i havent gotten a note like yours in such a long time now. and i must say; THANK YOU. indeed; you brightened up this rainy day of mine. i got home from school and boyface and girlstuff then landed in this chair. and when i read your note all i could do was smile and feel so glad that someone out there understands. someone actually reads my writing and connects with it [and to make it better; likes it]. thank you for your every single word lovely. you have no idea how much a few words can make someone feel so wonderful, so amazing. im going to add you because i want to get to know you better; if thats alright. i hope to hear from you again soon. <3dee

from deviousone :

I don't think it's wrong at all, but just know that "that person" may take it offensively, and be mean in return...

from deviousone :

holy shit that convo was SO fucking lame. hahahhahahahhaha

from deviousone :

HJAHAHHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAaHAHHAHA oly fUCK that awas FUNNNY thjose fucking jkokes jesusoi can't even typed rithd i can't even type right? there we go. hahahahhahah older than ms. welch...hahahahhahah

from deviousone :

"So tonight's moral is that being homeless is not fun whatsoever- but apparently, simulating homelessness is a different story" amen to that one, baby. hahahahha

from complexity4 :

i havent heard of that mix-it-up thing. it sounds like a good idea. Maybe I will try and see if I can have something done like that at my school. But of course my school is filled with preppy people who dont like change, but Im glad to see that there are teens out there who are willing to try. It gives me a little hope for our generation.

from jilljohnston :

jerome was at the dance last night. teheheh.. he didn't know what to do without you!!

from complexlogic :

Trig homework is fucking stupid and a waste of my time. Damn it.

from taintedviews :

Your review is completed.

from jilljohnston :

ew is it the hobbit man? fuck that's gross! but hey, if a guy's cute, he's cute. but some girls are just so desperate. kinds sickening

from deviousone :

amen to that one fucker. GOD DAMN. stupid teenage girls and they're fucking hormones. Like we have NEVER seen a fucking penis in our lives.

from imagine88 :

hey. i saw u left some Relient K lyrics on my friend lauren's profile (inxmyxxheart or sumthing like that). they are my all time fav band! your taste in music rox! -Emz

from scar-lette :

caffiene is christian crank

from jilljohnston :

omg, i totally agree with you about the psats. they were so easy. i heard, that the SATs weren't all that bad either. much love, good luck. jill

from simplicities :

And one more - my FAVORITE Dashboard Confessional... carry this picture for luck kept in a locket tucked in your coller close to your chest make it a secret shown to the closest friends and meet me at quarter to 7 the sun will still shine then at this time of year we'll head to the inlet and we'll share a bottle there and color the coast with your smile its the most genuine thing that ive ever seen i was so lost but now i believe

from simplicities :

The most popular yet still awesome song from The Used... you almost always pick the best times to drop the worst lines you almost made me cry again this time another false alarm red flashing lights well this time I'm not going to watch myself die I think I made it a game to play your game and let myself cry I buried myself aive on the inside so I could shut you out and let you go away for a long time

from simplicities :

The infamous Sadie Hawkins Dance... Scan the cafeteria for some good seating I found a good spot by the cheerleaders eating The quarterback asked me if I'd like a beating I said that's one thing I won't be needing And since I'm rather smart and cunning I took off down the next hall running Only to get stopped by a girl so stunning only to get stopped by a girl so stunning? She said, "You're smooth, and good with talkin. You go with me to the Sadie Hawkins" The Sadie Hawkins Dance in my khaki pants There's nothin better oh oh oh The girls ask the guys it's always a surprise There's nothin better baby do you like my sweater?

from simplicities :

Wow - we do have similar taste in music! Here's some lyrics to give back to you - Enjoy!

from inxxmyheartx :

(i returned your favor) you like good music too

from inxxmyheartx :

i've been bangin' my head against the wall whooaaa for so long it seems i knocked it down yeah it got knocked down. whoaaa and the heating bill went through the roof and the wall knocked down is the proof that my landlord needed to kick me out.

from inxxmyheartx :

I'm bouncing off the walls again And I'm looking like a fool againv So go ahead and take a picture And hang it up so you can tear me down I don't care Cuz I'm still here And I've got nothing left to lose With all the years I've wasted on you

from asiwas :

thanks for singing to me!! Lol! I knew adding people with the same music tastes would be a good thing!

from portuguese1 :

hey! u live in cali huh? thats pretty cool. i actually now ppl from the san jose...do u no a kadisha chatman or scott picanco? well if u do tell em i sed hi~alli~

from thalia-fay :

All girls school, huh? Well, at least at Catholic schools you receive a good education... or something. I live in San Jose too, that's why I asked. I don't know that I should shame myself by sharing what school I go to. *shrug* I shame myself enough in other ways that it doesn't matter. I go to Willow Glen High (frequently deemed Ghetto Glen). And actually, for the first two years I hated it with a fiery passion that would not be extinguished. Now I'm okay with it, because I have two of the best teachers in the district. My AP US History teacher is wanted all over the world for lectures and whatnot- that makes me feel good. So yeah, Willow Glen's not the most aesthetically pleasing school, nor is it known for its high achievers, but there are worse schools, and I'm better now that I've found a few bright friends. I have also honed the skill to ramble, and I think I have demonstrated it pretty well. If you don't mind me asking, what are your plans for after high school (college?)?

from thalia-fay :

Whoa- much confusion here, obviously. I'm 16 and a junior too. Also in AP English III. Loving the fact that in the AP classes it's quality over quantity. What school do you go to? Heh, that away message was brimming over with wisdom. Self-dug graves... I know about that, too.

from thalia-fay :

I meant to type inster; I really did. *gives herself over to unconsciousness*

from thalia-fay :

I've been reading off and on for a while now, and when you mentioned AP English III (or something close), it got me confused. Are you in college or high school? I tried to find your age somewhere, but the drowsiness seems to be screwing with me (this link looks promising.. dude, you clicked the wrong link. pay attention!). So, that question, and I also wanted to let you know that I enjoy reading your diary, very much. And that I hear you on "if I just put as much effort into [inster subject] as I did into this diary..." Been there, though not at Diaryland.

from deviousone :

haha Dr. Drew is a passionate, passionate man!

from jilljohnston :

Hey Lauren. Just wanted to drop in. The last entry that you made ("Paper, Scissor, Rock") was really powerful. I like the way that you write about things in reality that appear to be so unclear. And you make the effort to clearify them for those who are experiencing the same situations. LOL, too bad I just sounded like Martha Stewart or something right there. Jeez. I talked to Sarah, and she said when she saw me for the first time and listened to what I had to say, that I sounded like a religious Amish woman. All gentle and stuff. ha, ha... but might we not hate on the Amish!! HYAH MAGGOTS! I'M OUT! <3 JILL

from thalia-fay :

you ROCK (hah, I'm funny). i think it's awesome that you don't let the hate-consumed rejects get you down. rah.

from deviousone :

I LOVE YOU! =) <3

from jilljohnston :

tell mrs. rolfson that i miss her!! and that i say hellO!!!

from weirdo-face :

NOT TRUE!!!!!!!! I am just exetremely bored in free block. BITCH....batch! ;)

from jilljohnston :

which "Kat" was in the play?

from jilljohnston :

i try unlocking it around night time, because i think my parents still read my online journal. i think i may just keep it open though. there are somethings i want to be able to pour out into lmy journal, but i can because saying it in my journal, is like making a speech infront of a community.

from pischina :

It takes a lot of courage to say No to something you've been waiting for, even when you know it's wrong for you. That's a very good quality to have.

from leely :

hurray for virgo gals<3

from deviousone :

hahahha that dude is SOOO against my religion. but it was fucking funn! "Dr. Drew is a passionate, passionate man"

from pischina :

Happy Birthday Luvin's!!! Now where is my cookie? Hope you have a Wonderful Day!

from deviousone :

Subliminal messages, babe! "tomorrow is my birth day. buy me presesnts and money" i'm so intelligent. I LOVE YOU. gimme a cookie. And you dont have to go to vallejo if you don't want to, but we'd love to have you jerkass! SO COME! OR YOU'RE GOING TO DIE!

from blushfire :

You think that being best friends means that you have to break me. Congratulations; you have.

from deviousone :

hey ugly! see if you can come to Vallejo with us!!

from pischina :

YMCA is the BEST. I went to the one on Santa Teresa, that's the one I still need to cancel. The ONLY reason I'm quitting it is it's just too far from my house. You will do great!!!

from pischina :

Yep, St.Francis of Assissi, I live in the houses right across the street from it too. HAHAHA, You might even know my MOTHER-IN-LAW!!!! In fact, we probably know several of the same people.

from pumpkinfish :

you're so incredibly right. i could solve everyone's problems too because i detest immaturity. & that's all anyone seems to have. what's wrong with honesty & integrity & simply being content with being content? it's so much easier than everyone thinks. the whole world needs to rethink everything. they need to do a little introspection. (myself included- i will not deny that. i, however, am at least able to admit it & try.)

from deviousone :

I love you Lauren. You're so beautiful and insightful and everything I wish I could be.

from jilljohnston :

hey babe

from dejaentendu- :

thanks. brand new owns me and my momma.

from pischina :

That was a really nice thing you did, writing that note.

from leely :

you. you made my day. because youre a complete stranger saying nice things to me. i havent got that in a while. you knew exactly what to say. not anything that i get from a lot of other people; i hate hearing from several diarylanders lately because they all seem rather fake. and i hate to admit that. but you; you really made my day. thank you so much. i hope to hear from you further on in the future<3

from screwu-revus :

Hey, your review is now up at Screwu-Revus. Thanks alot! By the way, I'm also a HUGE lover of Brand New, and Relient K! I thought that was rad, seeing you post lyrics and stuff by those kinds of bands. - Meredith

from blushfire :

It's funny 'cuz I spelled license wrong. On purpose. Cough coughhh

from blushfire :

Hey dood. Thanx, for everything. And ps, HEY DUMBFUCK! I GOTMY LISENCE< NOT PERMIT!!! HAHAHAHA loserface. You need to get your non existant ass into gear and realize what parts of French are acceptable for everyday English usage, and what parts AREN'T!!! HAHAHAH Just kidding. You smell! Just kidding again. Not really, you really do smell. HAHAHA GOTCHA!! I really am kidding! I love you!!! PLEASE YIELD!!!

from itsmylife :

Wow! LOVING your photos. Very nice!

from deviousone :

DUDE. that was SO funny. But I'm sorry that your dog is really a boy...BUT COME ON!!!! EIGHT YEARS, AND YOU DIDN'T KNOW!

from blushfire :

Heyyy,thanx for everything today. Did we get homework for Burson?

from blushfire :

I'm really glad you're a part of my life.

from blushfire :

Dood, we have Burson togetherrrr!! So we have French and History, right after another togetherrrrr. =D

from blushfire :

Hey, I accidentally deleted the notes you left me, sorry, dood. Anyways, I'll tell you why I locked it later. If you want, I'll give you the password and stuff. It's not really that big of a deal...

from blushfire :

Hey dood. How are you doing? I wish we could've talked more these past couple of days, I'm sorry, I should have called. But anyways, I just wanted to say hi and I love you and I hope you're doing well. Take care

from blushfire :

Aww babe, you really didn't have to get me anything. AND I'SOOOOOOOOOO PROUD OF YOU FOR GETTING YOUR PERMITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!! WoooHoooooo!! Love youuuu

from leely :

thank you for your note darling♥

from pischina :

The great thing about Yosemite is it is very very difficult to take a bad picture. I bet you got some great ones!

from raven72d :

In that odd neverworld between high school and university... go find an older lover.

from deviousone :

Oh, Lauren...=(

from mojo1915 :

Hello and a good day to you! ~Jesse

from blushfire :

I love you

from blushfire :

It wasn't just you... I'm sorry. We'll talk about it tommorrow, if you want

from invader-tim :

Hi! I like you're diary layout, i'd i thought you're entry about being nuetral was wonderful, i know exactly what you mean. Bye!

from krazililme :

hey girl! whats up? man, summer's almost over. I'm going to hella miss you now that I left nd. Thanks for everything. It was fun having you in chem and insulting wright and all. haha thanks for all your help. promise to keep in touch, okay? much love!

from deviousone :

omg Lauren!!!!! I just watched that video on Fuse!!!! it's 11:40 at night, too...wow. that's crazy!

from blushfire :

Hey, loser with the sexy hair, how went the testage? HAhaHA testage sounds like testicles. Well, not really, but it rememinds me of it. TAKE CAREEEEEEe

from blushfire :

Baby, I'm so proud of youuuuuuuu! Fuck Face

from blushfire :

DOOD!!! I was listening to that last niteeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!! J'adore ce la musiqe. TEEHEE!!! ewwwww UGLY! HAhaHAhaHAhaHA

from blushfire :

HAhaHAhaHAhaHA BaBy YoU IS lOOkiN FyNeEEEe FRoM BeHiNd ThE leNsE, AiGHt?!? HAHAH EWWWw UGLY!!! Rooster face, you're the best photographer I know. And you know what, you should think about him. Even if it's lame and weird and somewhat creepy. Because he does love you, and wanna marry you, and be your friend {HAHA BITCH ASS!!! YOU'RE MINEE!!! HE CANT HAVE YOUUUUU!!MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH} Ryan will always be 2nd to me!!!! MWAJAJAJJAJAJAJAJA {spanish laugh!!} OK, but realistically, NeLLy is SeXY aNd FyNeEeEEe AnD sO iS gO-gO!!!! AWW Love Bunny! HAHa, this doesnt really make sense. We'll talk thise weekend @ ma maison. LAUREN IS SEXY AND BOOTYFUL, EVEn WITHOUT A BOOTY!!!!!!!1!!!!

from deviousone :

I'm more than willing to pose for you. I'll pose nekkid if you want! hahahahah ew. who'd want to see ME naked?! I love you!

from blushfire :

P.S. DINGUE WANKSTAAAAAAAAAAAAAa =D

from blushfire :

HAhaHAhaHAhaHA Hey baby cakes! I HELLA ditched youu. I'm sorryyyyyyyyyyyyyy. But I'll make it up to you with mad sexual favors..wait, no, I won't, but we can still hang out!!!! I missed you ugly face!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And when we evolve into cars, we'll hella run people we don't like over. MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAh Give my regards to Ferret! I love youuuuuuuu take care, mon amie sans un assssssss!! HAHAHA JUST KIDDING!!!! I LOVE YOU AND YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL AND LIKE PIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE =D

from jilljohnston :

babe... i can't go tomorrow :*(. read my online journal for an explanation. p.s. i'm leaving right after tomorrow. i love you, babe. <3 jills

from xenorevlis :

i need a camera. a moo goes out too you.

from pischina :

Cudas = Barracudas :-) I'd also like to lodge a complaint that you did NOT come through with the coolness today.

from pischina :

First I was going to say "Girl, don't you ever sleep?" and then I thought, "Wait, it was RAINING???" I totally missed it. Does that mean it will be cooler today? Huh? Please? Can you do something about the heat Please?

from deviousone :

you are so god damn sexy, lauren go. =) hahah =) i love youuuu

from deviousone :

awwwww that's so sweet, lauren!

from deviousone :

girlface!! are you in loooooooooooooove? <3 if you are, yay! you can join the rest of our sappy asses. if you're not, YAY! you haven't had to deal with it. I miss you loads (and the message you left me the other day brought the BIGGEST smile to my face) and i love youu

from complexlogic :

I want to find a boy that will make me smile until I glow. If I ever do find that boy (I may have found ones that came close in the past...) I'm going to love them with all my heart and hope they do the same to me (...but they've all been unattainable). But you can't make people like you in that way if they don't, so I guess it's gonna be a long wait. I'm tired of waiting. Think of it this way- winning's not everything, but losing gets old FAST.

from leely :

<3333333333333

from jilljohnston :

A response to your post: Hey, Lauren. Thanks for the note! Bellarmine Summer School gets out on the 24th, and this week is the last Friday that we are going to have. As in response to "Music and Manley": How is Manley doing? LOL, although I didn't even know her all that much, but I talked to her a lil' frosh year, I'm gunna miss hearing her scream in the always and stuff. LOL... Lauren, don't feel pressured to music. Let the feelings come naturally. Music is about emotion, and sharing it with people. (oh, might I add the fun!!) It only needs a lil brain power, but a whole lot of heart. You have heart, my dear. And even if there was a band... it all comes in steps. To achieve the highest goal is a dream. And some believe that if you work hard enough, you may be granted your dream. But the smartest thing to do, is to start out trying to acheive the smaller things. And my goal may be different than others. That's part of being human. I don't care about MTV or VH1... my goal is to touch people, and share with them a piece of me. To make them smile, to make them laugh, or even cry. Because in this world, we are all together, and no one is alone. We have eachother. Much love to you. Chin up, dearie. You, my friend, are successful in beautiful ways. <3 jills

from jilljohnston :

Response to the "Warped" entry: ahh! lauren you are so baddddd!!1 ;-) :-D <3 Jills

from deviousone :

Ooohh!! Lauren!! You're so fucking sweet. I love you tons and tons and tons and the next time I have no work, I'm driving my ass down to your house!!! <333333 I love you!!

from jilljohnston :

i love you too much lauren <3 thank u 4 always bein' there. but don't always go out of your way for me, it'll make me feel bad lol... do what your heart and mind tell you to do. not what anyone else does. <3 jills

from jennnnnn :

I love this diary. Just wanted you to know.

from thalia-fay :

I enjoy your diary. The fact that you're a fan of the Lion King saves you a special place in heart. =] I have to read the Awakening this summer too, though I'm only going into Junior year of high school. I dread it. Just not my kind of book (too non-fiction). That's all I suppose. =)

from scar-lette :

i finished the awakening. & i looooved it. now im starting the crucible.

from perceptionss :

Thanks for making me aware of your photographs. They are truly beautiful. I especially enjoyed the Lonely Bench. I think my photographs would be much better if I was able to save up for a nice camera. Thanks for the kind note and lovely pics =)

from leely :

[[oooohh]] thanks for adding me to your favorites list. it means so much to me. &i love the comment you put for me; i forgot that i had written that somewhere<3

from leely :

yes taking back sunday rocks. ahh// youre trying to read my diary from the beginning? a lot of my older entries are weird; VERY weird. so i kind of just put the ones i liked on my olders page. ahh; im such a dork<X3

from blushfire :

P.S. You can just take the Hulk Sticker Book! That'll immediatly draw attention to you as the cool girl who has Hulk books!

from blushfire :

Hey Darlin', thanx so much for this weekend. I had a blast. You = Lovely! Good Luck @ summer School today, everything will be fine, I promise. And if not, well, you'll come over after and we'll make up for the crap ass time by chillaxin' and shopping and having fun! Peice Easy For Sheezy, Fuck Ass!

from leely :

your layout is gorgeous. and your taste in music is wonderful. taking back sunday rocks my socks off[[;♥;]]<3

from raven72d :

Come tell me about life and summertime plans...

from blushfire :

Hey, Fuck Ass, who you callin' Fuck Ass?! HaHaHaH I am sooo clever! Weeeeeee! Dood, tommorrow's hella gunna kick bootay! I'll ring you up when I'ma mosey on over there, and we'll have a right old time! Anyways, the lockage... Hmmm. I suppose it was just time for a change. We'll chat tommorrow. Maybe if the sex is good enough, I'll even give you the password... ~*wink*~ HAHAHAAHAAH GOD DAMMIT I'M HILARIOUS!!!! Well, anyways, ~*brittish accent*~ I'm 'arry Pottah! Fancy a game of Quiditch?!?!? HEHEHEHEEHHEHEHEEHEH I love Laurennnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn :O)

from deviousone :

You're right...life is too short to hate people. But the thing is that I don't hate. I'm too passionate a person to hate.

from jilljohnston :

i wish i had your grades

from supercip :

Your template is GREAT

from diary-viewer :

Awesome job on cleaning up your diary! Thanks for taking my advice on things. I'm sure it'll work out better. I forgot to put you on my faves, but I will in a moment.

from jilljohnston :

you layout is f*cking hott!!!

from jilljohnston :

hey babe thanx for the letter hopefully we can get together sometime whether is be the band practice or just hanging out. i miss you all dearly!

from blushfire :

Whoops! I didn't realise I was under that name. Sorry homes.

from nealufar :

Good job, Nelly! ~*pat on the back, carpel tunnel elbow movements*~

from nealufar :

YaY! I only had to look up the word peace for that whole thing!

from nealufar :

~*Sitting, staring at computer, pondering how to type French laughter*~ Hau Hau Hau Hau Hau, oui, mon amie; j'aime un garcon. Mais il ne m'aime pas. Il est mon ami, est c'est tout que il sera. Je pense que je ne lui aime pas beaucoup, mais parce que il est tres magnifique, puor maintenant, j'ai une petite "crush." Je te parlerai d'il beacoup, personne a personne. Je t'adore! Et je ne te dirai pas qu'est qu'il est. Paix facile!

from blushfire :

Nelly got Lauren a little present!!! :oD

from diary-viewer :

Your review is complete. Check the site!

from deviousone :

aw! That made me smile, lauren! Thanks! I love you, too

from donotstay :

you dont know me but we share the same lovingness towards Linkin Park... and kurt cobain (im a fan of rape me and i think thats his work)

from blushfire :

I wish there were words to describe how much I love you and how grateful I am for you. Sadly, there are not. So I'll just leqve you with memories of fuck ass, and pancakes, suck a fuck, forcibly insert it in my anus, sweatshirts, smoothies, onion rings, books, overbrowsing, bookstores, libraries, pie, donkey, and most of all, Nelly-naked. Peace easy! Me=Loves Lauren!!! <333

from sweetliz2000 :

You've got great taste :)

from jilljohnston :

hey babe, how's summer going? okay, i just wanted to inform you that i have locked my online journal due to the fact that i discovered my parents are reading it... how they found the link, i have no fucking clue. all i know is that i found a paper on my father's desk that was an online entry of mine, and that he bookmarked my deadjournal and diaryland diaries. my username and password are the same: dispatcher. i don't really care if anyone else sees... as long as my parents don't see... <3 jill

from complexlogic :

"Tell me Donnie, do you think about girls a lot?" "Yeah. I think about them a lot at school." "What else do you think about at school Donnie?" "I think about fucking a lot." "Do you ever think about your family?" "No. I don't think about fucking my family. That's gross." [insert hand clap here] *Donnie wakes up from hypnosis & finds his hands down his pants*

from complexlogic :

"I'll tell you what he did! He told me to forcably insert the Life Line card into my anus!"

from complexlogic :

"God, you're such a fuck ass!" "Did you just call me a fuck ass? Well you can suck a fuck!" "Tell me exactly, how does one suck a fuck?" [insert silence here] "What's a fuck ass?"

from jilljohnston :

lauren, if you have KaZaA.. download some stuff from the band "Sittser". They are a christian band from upnorth and fall under more of the acoustic-rock genre. lol... not to mention that the lead singer is gorgeous, and the drummer can beatbox. some good ones are "One More Stop", "Sleepwalker" and "Anthem". I was listening to them this morning, and for some reason I thought of you... ha, ha... and I like the comment for my journal in your profile... yes, i mean the SACK. LOL much love <3

from blushfire :

Hey sweetness, just wanted to say I hope drivers ed was great today! Peace easy for sheezy! <3

from femmecracker :

love your diary. and your pictures are beautiful

from swim4gold04 :

rent rox my sox you are a smart cookie--i am a major renthead

from deviousone :

(pretend this is from the emily-love name...) me <3 lauren, who has been there too many times to count, to help me through all of the shit that people put me through especially lately. She has more strength and courage then most people I know...I love you darling. and i'm always here as well.

from blushfire :

Darling! I'm so sorry I haven't called you back! I just got your voice message rite now <<11:42 pm>>. I was in the shower when you called, and I didn't check my messages all day. Please forgive me! I hope you had fun today! Dood, tommorrow, come over, sleep over, Bookstore, Santana Row, Chess, Pictures, Mall!! We'll do it all! I love you, you Incredible Bulk. Bulk. HAHAHAHAHAH <3

from blushfire :

I Love Lauren Because She Is A Big Pathetic Cool Kid Who Gets Kicked Out Of Bookstores With Me And Laughs When Our Friends Apologize To Customers At The Resturant For Being Loud And For Being My Friend. <333 This Weekend Is Going To Kick ASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS <<Or Your Face!>> <333

from complexlogic :

these are my HANDS. these are my FAULTS. these are my PLANS. and these are my NASTY LITTLE THOUGHTS. I WROTE them down for YOU to CONTEMPLATE. at a later date.

from deviousone :

I'm fine. Just shaken and frazzled. I've realized a lot within the past 24 hours....multiple mini epiphanies ....and i'm not one to really have those, either....

from blushfire :

Eh Eh <<crazy carpel tunnel elbow action>>

from blushfire :

And by Nelly, I mean Lauren

from blushfire :

Good one, Nelly!

from blushfire :

That message... Thank you so much, Lauren. That meant alot to me. I love you wankstaaaaaaa

from deviousone :

I love you Lauren! I'm always here for you, no matter what. Just call me <3 ANd I'll drive over and cheer you uip by falling while walking up to your house. =) hah. that would suck ass...

from blushfire :

I swear on my fucking life, the second one isn't about you!!!! The first one is. I love you so much. And I'm so sorry that I hurt you so much, and you're too nice to say so. But I really really really a billion times really love you. I'm sorry you thought that it's about you, you could never, ever, ever make me feel like I did when I wrote that. It's <b>NOT</b> you! You are lovely and wonderful and great and full of special. I am full of bad grammar, but you know what I mean! I LOVE you. I'm sorryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

from raven72d :

Why was 6 June so dreadful? And we can all always re-write the past; that's why imagination trumps memory. Why do you feel flawed?

from complexlogic :

AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! If the &*%*&^&*(^@(%^ server doesn't start un-busying itself soon, I'm gonna end up updating through notes. HAHAHAHA HOW FUNNY WOULD THAT BE IF EVERYONE STARTED DOING THAT. Ewwwwww....ugly. Haha. Well I just wanted to let everyone know that I'm extremely happy b/c I finally finished 2 math worksheet on logarithims that have seriously taken me FOREVER just to understand. When I say "FOREVER" I'm talking a week plus. Daaaaaayamn. Yesterday I was getting so fed up with not being able to solve it that I started cursing to myself in the library yesterday. I think I scared the couple next to me. But ewwww....they were old & the lady kept kissing her husband. Like not sweet old, but like middle-aged old. Grosss mannnn. haha this IS turning into an update. Argh. Well I'd like to leave with a great big "fuck you" to everyone clogging up the servers. Thanks! Love always, Ugly :)

from deviousone :

It wasn't that I was bummed today...it was more that I got two hours sleep and i had been up since 5:25 this morning. I was burnt out by the time lunch came...plus, i figured it probably wasn't best for me to butt in on everything my first day back...

from blushfire :

By the way, sweetness, facile is easy, difficile is hard. HAhaHAhaHAhaHA

from blushfire :

HAhaHAhaHAhaHA mon amore, ce n'est pas grave. Je pense que tu es tres exact quand tu as di que personne sais que il est tres marvelous a ramble au un langue exterieur. DINGUE DINGUE DINGUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 Sauvageeeeeeeeee Wanksta <-- au francais :oP Je t'adore, mon amie! Le portfolio me fait tres fache, aussi!! Il est tres EVIL!!!!!!!!! Ah'sdgfjk;vagsdfv;jah'sdlfjvh'lqkh'kwad'vfh'klshad'fklvh'lkah'slkvh'lakhslvk Oh the evilness. Bye you hardcore wankstaaaaa

from deviousone :

I love you, darling. <3

from complexlogic :

I wanna fucking update but the damn server is always busssssyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *screams* &^!@#%&@#%)(*!@!!!!!!!!!! Oh well, back to homework. :)

from weirdo-face :

Thanx Lauren! I'm happy that I got to get to know you. Your one the most wittiest people I know. (is wittiest a word??) hehe oh well, you get my point. I'll ttyl later when I think of what to think about. hahaha

from blushfire :

Lauren, you'er my #1 Wanksta

from raven72d :

May I have a p/w to access your photos?

from blushfire :

I love you, you fucking hardcore wankstaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa :o) There's no oe I'd rather spend time with! <333

from weirdo-face :

Hey Lauren!! I really like your entry "isn't it funny".

from deviousone :

I actually find it quite ironic...

from deviousone :

I love you, Laruen. Thank you for everything. You're the greatest, and I don't tell you that nearly enough. I'm so happy to see that you have your life back on tack (now, if only I could do the same with mine...) and I think that's why I'm alathetic towards the whole Nelly situation...I'm more focused on getting MY life back in order...I don't care as much about my friends for once. I love youu

from raven72d :

Don't let human emotion exhaust you... But do get "Japanese for Dummies" and start teaching yourself... And read the best Japanese novels-- Murakami's "A Wild Sheep Chase", Kawabata's "Snow Country", Tanizaki's "Quicksand"... And the poetry of Asano...

from deviousone :

I wouldn't have been able to hang out in the first place (I did get a cute retro dress, with cute, retro shoes...ah...<3333333) And I can't next weekend...I shall be in Hawaii...but we will soon!!

from deviousone :

hahaha and, woman, you and I can be dorks together! I don't think that anyone will appreciate us as much as we do eachother... It's just the basis of our appeal!!! and I REALLY like how the last three notes in here have been from me...I'm on a fucking note giving roll! Wooooo Go Emily...ahahahah you know you love it.

from deviousone :

Yeah...too bad I was going for something totally mushy that would make you cry, and be like, "Emily is the sweetest person in the world...Why don't guys want to do her? I would HELLA do her...I would hella date her, too" but, alas. It's 8 o'clock in the morning, and my brain doesn't work too well...

from deviousone :

I love you, Lauren! Thanks for listening to me about the whole Nelly thing, and talking to me about it. <33333 I love you. People under estimate you...but I never will. You're the best!

from deviousone :

check your school email, darling. I love you. and I haven't been the greatest (if it was for a promise I made to someone, I would have cut myself into shreds by now...)

from raven72d :

A class ring is a lovely thing to have... I waited til years after high school before giving mine to a girl... But the symbolism of it was fun, even then.

from blushfire :

I love you times infinity, tooooo. And I'm sorry. You do try; so, so hard. In part, yes, it was about you. But slightly. Moreso, it was about me. I love you.

from raven72d :

Is it Lauren? Lovely name, by the way... You can get past Chemistry equations and find a place to define your own valences...

from blushfire :

I miss you so much, Lauren. And I love you. Alot.

from raven72d :

I'm glad to hear that...

from raven72d :

how have you been?

from suffocatexme :

hello lovely.<3

from xenorevlis :

i know how you feel lauren. except, i'm a guy & want a girlfriend thing, even though my mind tells me 'no you don't' & my heart says 'yes why not'. hours on the phones, time with someone. did you know pieo.com is currently locked, but i managed to keep your complexlogic picture working. was i ever listed as a friend...?

from deviousone :

It's amazing how alike you an I are...I want the same thing in a b/f...minus the pop-punk and christain music. I love you! <3 When all else fails, know that I will do all of that for you, and I'll speak in a deep sounding voice so you will think that maybe it's a boy. <33333

from raven72d :

Go to school. You'll get through it soon enough... And then you'll have a world to explore.

from blushfire :

Lauren, I will be alone with you, for as long as you want. And maybe, if we're alone together enough, we won't be alone, anymore. I don't know if that makes any sense. But I'm proud of you, because you went to school today. And all I'm doing is sitting at home, drinking more than I should. And wallowing in emptiness. I love you. More and more everyday.

from blushfire :

You mean the world to me. And I love you, too.

from raven72d :

I end up giving girls my buttondown shirts. They're big enough to swallow a girl up. I've been known to spritz them with my cologne-- Eau Sauvage by Dior or Eternity for Men --to keep my scent alive.

from deviousone :

Thanks for always attempting to be there for me...

from raven72d :

I'll be looking forward to new pix. You have a good eye.

from scar-lette :

nodoz is a drug

from raven72d :

what photos will you take in SF? what do you want to see through your camera?

from deviousone :

I'm not an awesome person. Not at all. I just don't want two people who are the best of friends to go through stupid junior high shit. I've been through it too many times to count, and I want to save two people that I care about from the pain and misery it causes.

from scar-lette :

youre beautiful

from raven72d :

The Japanese call it "mono no aware"-- the bittersweet beauty of transient things, the soft sadness of the world...

from jilljohnston :

I GET IT!! No-Doz No... doze... as in no dozing off!!! Like.. sleeping! Ha ha ha ha took me awhile!!! <3 Jill

from pumpkinfish :

cologne makes me catatonic. i am in love with it because it reminds me of being in love. it reminds me of him. it reminds me of guilty pleasure and sin and destroying my own religion. it reminds me of what it's like to be held and touched and whispered to and tickled and kissed. it reminds me of steamy cars and dark parking lots. it reminds me of late night escapes from home to see him. i wish he knew all of this. i wish i could tell him. i wish he felt the same way about me. i wish he would never wear the damn cologne. [it makes me remember what i want and all the ways in which i can't have it.]

from blushfire :

I'm sorry for all the disappointment I've brought to you. You are the little beauty left in this world and tears come to me with every thought of the magnificent friendship that I ruined. Forever know I'm sorry...

from blushfire :

There is not a person in the world who I love more that youuuuuu

from jilljohnston :

My Dear, What I am to say to you will probably sound like the most hypocritic statement I have said. And I admit my hypocracy, but I am beginning to believe that hypocracy is a human thing. You are a good person... no wait, "good" does not satisfy me. If there was a word that meant "beyond infinite", I would describe that as you. But because I am not Dr. Suess, I do not have a funky word to describe the definition. When I look at you, I can see through your skin, and in to your soul. Your experiences that involve negativety have impacted you so. The blood has turned cold, and has rested inside the artery of agony. Though it's difficult for you to believe, if you left... if you ended your life, my everyday life... other's everyday life would not be the same. When you are gone, those to whom you have bestowed your gift of grace upon would plod about the halls with a frown upon their face. There's something about you that allows people to be bright and in a good humor. Your presence... Everyone has flaws... but why dwell in the flaws and not recognize your talents... your abilities. Although I seem like I have improved since the past, my insecurities always come back to haunt me. This, I find, is human. The sad part is that humans dwell inside their past. And this is something I've learned to cope with. Although it is true that the past will always come back to you, but I try to look towards my future... and live my everyday life. This is going to sound really crazy, but remember this one thing... If you ever feel abandoned, there is always one person who will be ther by your side, and in your soul. <center>G O D</center> I can express to you how much it took me to get me to where I am today. And no, I am not some miracle... but it took a lot to climb out of the ditch I was trapped in. Sadly, it also took a lot of money. But my advice for you is to share your feelings with your mother. But don't flat out say, "MOM!!! I'M SUICIDAL!!!!!" ::chuckles:: No, try avoid saying that. A therapist works miracles. My therapist, as least works miracles. That way, what you share with he/she will be kept in confidentiality. Yes, that's right... even your parents won't be told. But if you find yourself inattentive, and it's a constant thing, try telling the doctor the next time. Hopefully she will prescribe you to some medication... Well, I am going to go. I heart you. I love you and I always will. <3

from deviousone :

I love you, Go-Go, and I always will. You know that I'm here if you ever need someone. <3 <3 I went through all this shit this summer; I can help you. I love you <3

from jilljohnston :

you need to update, hun... <3 i hope you had an awesome time at camp anytown. speaking of which, i found a band named "Anytown" on KaZaA... download some of their music. Here's some stuff by them: - No More California - Reality - Tapeze

from deviousone :

haha AND! it was Eleanor Roosevelt who said, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." <3 I love you, Go Go

from deviousone :

You're not a failure. Who ever told you that needs to shut they're mouth. Don't listen to them. I listened (and still do) when my parents tell me I'm a failure and I'll never amount to anything. you're NOT a failure. Never believe them, because if you do, you'll end up like me. And I don't want to see you ending up at the same point I was this summer/earlier this school year.

from deviousone :

Add me to your favorite journals,love. =( I want to be part of the "in crowd".

from jilljohnston :

the greatest illness in this world is the fear of never being loved...

from xenorevlis :

just wanted to say hi, like the layout (the the size difference looks a bit odd?). i'm lily's friend who uploaded the image for ya. have no idea if you ever met me in real, though you've probably see me at a show if you've gone to one when nathan/ray/me were there. anyway, good read; happy valentine's!

from placidscream :

i <3 lauren because she is herself no matter what people say. kick their ass, go-go. we'll show them all.

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