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It's nice to have you back. I don't know how much of what I'm going to say will help but I'm going to say it anyway. Please stop giving yourself such a hard time, I don't have kids but even I know it's a learning curve. Stop beating yourself up about your Mum too, she's already done her parenting and will have learnt from her mistakes already. If you weren't a good Mum you wouldn't even realise, worry or care about the job you're doing. I think you've been really brave, (and I don't mean that in a patronising way) to face up to your problems and there will be good days and bad. Sometimes it helps to take it one day at a time or even one hour at a time, whatever helps. Rest assured you ARE doing a good job and remember you don't have to go through this alone unless you choose to. X

from lifeasme66 :

Been ages since I've visited you here, I'm sorry! Glad to read that all has been going well, that sex is back on the menu, and the breast milk isn't. =) **HUGS!!**

from portia12 :

Try not to worry so much about what people think. There is nothing wrong with not breast feeding. I was not breast fed and I am fine! I have two degrees! I wonder if I will even attempt breast feeding. Just do what works for you. If pumping works for you, then that's great. Just don't let the voices from the cheap seats effect your decisions or make you feel bad at all.

from portia12 :

Congratulations Daizy! :)

from voodoochick :

Congratulations! Maybe I didn't see it, but have you decided on a name?

from lifeasme66 :

Hey my dear. Glad to see your update. What I always enjoy reading in your entries is the honesty. I have a lot of pregnant/recently pregnant friends right now who gush and gush about their pregnancies/babies. And, while I'm happy for them, I wish it didn't sound all the same. Not that I would wish anything bad on them, or you, but I like that you can admit that it isn't all sunshine and roses. And that's okay. Because that's life. And we get through. Many hugs to you, my dear, and hopes that things go smoother than you're anticipating =) **HUGS!!**

from voodoochick :

one word for you...photoshopped!

from portia12 :

Yes, and I think it would be good for you to make plans with the friends you do have there. Just for coffee and mutual venting. Also, I wouldn't mind going with a pregnant friend to look for strollers or cute baby clothes so see if they are interested. I think it's hard that you are away from your family too, because I always imagined that I would like to be near my mom if I was pregnant and having a baby, so that is hard.

from lifeasme66 :

I can see myself totally feeling the way you're describing. That same loss of control feeling makes me incredibly uncomfortable with myself. Can't stand it. Maybe that's first-born females for you? Oh, and I mentioned it in my comment to yours on my page, but I'll also say it here. Kudos to Eric for going back to his shrink and restarting the meds. That takes a lot of courage and I'm proud of him. Hope things look up soon for you both. If you need to email, please do. **HUGS!!**

from lifeasme66 :

Sooo glad you are feeling better! And those forgetting hormones? Probably necessary otherwise we'd never have second pregnancies!! Who would knowingly put themselves through that hell twice??? **HUGS!!**

from lifeasme66 :

Merry Christmas, dearest. So glad to hear you are doing better. Honestly, I hear horrible stories from friends and relatives about their awful morning sickness and I just don't think I could live through that! Here's to getting plenty of rest now and for safe travels later. **HUGS!!**

from lifeasme66 :

Geez, I'm so sorry, hon. Obviously, I have no advice to give, but I wish I did. I just hope it goes away soon! **HUGS!!**

from sas1981 :

Hey chick. Congrats on your pregnancy! I will be the first one to say it sucks. My advice (and yep I know that people give you plenty of it while you are pregnant!) is to take your prenatals at night and take a zantac first thing in the morning. Lifesaver for me! And....have you ever heard of Borderline Persnality Disorder? Read about it and email me to let me know what you think. [email protected] PS I haven't been to diaryland in so long. Had to had them email me a password and catch up on your blog since February 08!

from voodoochick :

Someone at work found that ginger biscuits are quite helpful...

from portia12 :

Maybe if you have some minty gum or mints for the plane. I heard that helps calm one's stomach. I also recommend having your favourite perfume so that you can sniff it regularly. It's nice to have a familiar smell.

from voodoochick :

Hang on in there! :-)

from lifeasme66 :

Haha, so now you've become that annoying pregnant girl... *groan!* LOL. Not to worry, I'll just stop reading for a bit if you annoy me too much =P **HUGS!!**

from voodoochick :

Let's see those pictures!

from portia12 :

Congratulations to you and Eric! :)

from astralounge :

Congrats indeed!! :)

from voodoochick :

Congratulations!

from lifeasme66 :

Oh my goodness, congratulations! I know so many pregnant people right now, it's not even funny. But here's to a safe and healthy pregnancy =) **HUGS!!**

from astralounge :

!!!!!! :) Good luck, whatever happens!

from astralounge :

Yes, anonymous diaries are certainly good for that reason! :) I have similar feelings, this is one of the only places I talk negatively about work, for example!!

from lifeasme66 :

People really don't understand how inconvenient location weddings are. My cousin did that, had her wedding in Hawaii at peak time. I told her flat out that I wasn't going because I couldn't afford it monetarily, nor with time off work. In the end, she didn't even seem to care. Pfft! **HUGS!!**

from lifeasme66 :

Wow.... I'm almost inclined to ask you to see if you could use your finely-honed blog-searching skills to find my blog. I always wonder how easy it would be to find me... **HUGS!!**

from astralounge :

I still remember when you got together with Jack, and when you moved here! It's crazy that I've been reading your diary that long! I remember agreeing with you at the time that Jack wasn't the one, but I also remember feeling happy for you that he helped you make some changes in your life that put you on this path! And I remember being mad on your behalf about that visit with Jack's parents, too!

from lifeasme66 :

Everything happens for a reason, right? **HUGS!!**

from xplodingboy :

Hey dude. If you ever want to vent, I'm always available to talk. I remember a time when we vented to each other often. Anyway, it's there. You don't have to use it, but you can.

from astralounge :

*hugs* Just wishing you luck and strength. Hang in there!!

from lifeasme66 :

I'm the same about getting ready in the mornings. I seriously take my time... and sometimes, it's hours. But, once you get into the feel of it, that morning time is a good opportunity for trips to the gym. **HUGS!!**

from portia12 :

I know how you feel too. Everyone my age seems to be having babies and I am feeling slightly left behind or out of place because I am not there yet. One has to be totally ready for kids and I'm not but it's tough. Hang in there. I guess we just have to worry about ourselves and patience is a virtue.

from lifeasme66 :

I do kinda know how you feel. I mean, I'm not dying for a baby, but I'm surrounded by people who are pregnant or getting pregnany. I'm sure I'd be feeling really antsy if I wanted to be pregnant too. I guess for me, it's the marriage bug. Everyone's getting married and I hate being reminded of how much I want to too... As for your SD trip, maybe we can meet up on the 4th? I have to work graveyards the other days, and I'm sure you'll want to meet me when I'm awake and coherent ;) **HUGS!!**

from lifeasme66 :

Congrats on the news, you sound like you'll be much happier. Also, I didn't know that feeling obligated to do housework constitutes as nesting. Here I was, just thinking it was my OCD that makes me do chores I ordinarily hate. **HUGS!!**

from astralounge :

I just read this post last week by Dooce's partner... I know you read Dooce but I don't know if you saw this, it's about how he lives with someone who has chronic anxiety and depression. I kept thinking when I read it that it really spoke to me about living with Jay... it might speak to you about living with E., too. Take a look, if you haven't read it. :) http://blurbomat.com/archives/2007/12/20/how-i-do/

from voodoochick :

It's not petty at all - he should be doing his fair share. Start as you mean to go on.

from lifeasme66 :

Your family woes sound exactly like mine. I wish I had advice for both of us... **HUGS!!**

from lifeasme66 :

Ugh, don't even get me started thinking about how I will feel if my brother gets married and has kids before me. My mother will be ALL OVER IT. She's always talking about grandchildren and if he gives her some before I do, well, that's just one more nail in that coffin! Oooh and yes, San Diego is plenty close enough! Let me know when you'll be in town, we'll have to at least meet up for lunch or something =) **HUGS!!**

from shadow19 :

It's best to stay present in your own life without worrying about what others are doing (or not doing). It is SO easy to get caught up in expectations (imposed by oneself, family, friends) and to miss our own blessings. Your family dynamics sound frustrating, but really, they can only make you feel bad if you LET them. Your life is your own...with your own time frames, goals, good times, and not-so good times. There will always be someone who makes you feel that you don't measure up, but what do they know? It's your life. Just enjoy it. Put the family drama on a shelf and leave it there. Let it gather dust. Proceed with energy. Kick butt. I write this as the female half of an infertile couple (who knows why?). We dabbled around with treatments for awhile, and felt bad because everyone was having babies (societal expectations are SOOO strong in this regard), but ultimately realized that we were fine as "just us." There are good and bad sides to all of life's situations (having kids, not having kids, etc.) We love our pets, our freedom, and our plain old lives. I came through a serious medical crisis last year and I'll tell you, that certainly brings what's important into sharp focus. You need to know that you are valuable AS YOU, and if your family doesn't provide this feedback, that's unfortunate, but know that it's them (and their pre-conceived ideas, etc.) and not you. My $0.02, for what it's worth. I wish you peace. Mary

from lifeasme66 :

Congratulations on the promising job possibility! Work hours really do have a huge impact on your overall happiness, and it sounds like you'll be getting out of the rut you've been in. **HUGS!!**

from lifeasme66 :

I know exactly what you mean when you talk about your differences with your sister. My oldest younger brother and I are the same way. He asks my parents for all sorts of financial help, and I hate that he gets it. My parents make all sorts of excuses about why they can't help me, even with the few things that I do ask them for. It has never been fair, I've felt, and it sucks ass. He doesn't apply himself, skates by on handouts, and blows his money on non-practical things. Yet, he curries favor with my parents. They tell me, "if you'd asked for help, we would have helped you too." And I know that's a lie, because they wouldn't help me. And also, I wouldn't have even thought to ask in the first place. Argh. As for the job situation, I hope you hear soon. I hate waiting for life-altering news. **HUGS!!**

from lifeasme66 :

Thanks so much for your offer to talk. I might still have to take you up on that after Friday, depending on how our big discussion goes, so I'll email you. Anyway! I'm glad to see you posted! I've been wondering how you've been doing. I'm sorry about the meltdowns, maybe you've got an anxiety issue? That's what has slowly developed in me over the past year or so... If it doesn't get better, maybe you could see someone about it? Meltdowns are no way to live life! Oh, and I definitely think you should take the trip over the sunglasses. Your sister sounds ready to make a very good friend. **HUGS!!**

from astralounge :

Yes, the heat this week has been ridonkulous! Who thought you'd need your AC in December? I almost turned mine on this weekend, too!

from lifeasme66 :

Happy Birthday!!! And wow, potential pregnancies still scare me. I'm glad you're in a position where you could go either way, cuz the worst thing is pondering abortions and/or adoptions should you see that + sign. Ack! **HUGS!!**

from shadow19 :

As for babies and kids being less stressful or time-consuming than a job, you have been around kids, haven't you? Haha...totally none of my beeswax, but I couldn't resist. Best- Mary (a faithful reader...which sounds nicer than lurker)

from astralounge :

Just wanted to say howdy since I haven't left a note in a while! :) I agree with the person who posted below me... if it happens, it happens. Yes, it would be the responsible thing perhaps to wait and follow "the plan," but that's not how life works. I've been told by folks who want kids that there's never really a perfect time to have them. There's always SOMETHING in the way, and sometimes you just gotta do it. :)

from lifeasme66 :

I guess, if it's meant to happen, it will. And leave it at that =) **HUGS!!**

from spring-da1sy :

Hey! I happened by, and I like! Mind if I add you?

from lifeasme66 :

I'm sorry about your car window, that sucks. I know what you mean about being ready for something that you'll have to wait for. Marriage is kinda that thing for me. Sean wants to wait at least another year before proposing... but I'm ready to get married now. It's funny, because I never really WANTED that before, but now that I have the house and a great job and I'm done with school, it just feels like the next logical step, you know? I just feel ready for it. I have to remind myself that Sean's younger and still trying to get his career up and running. And I guess I can bee patient, but I can't help but feel restless sometimes **HUGS!!**

from xplodingboy :

I saw Lauren today...

from portia12 :

I went to your wedding site and signed in and saw the pictures. You look gorgeous. I especially love the details on the back of the dress. Congratulations to you and Eric!

from voodoochick :

Congratulations! Don't forget to show us some photos!

from lifeasme66 :

Awww, congrats! Can you believe you've come so far? =) **HUGS!!**

from kbc :

Congratulations on your wedding!

from lifeasme66 :

I hear ya when it comes to all that family stress. I know it's hard to keep them from bothering you, but try not to let them rain on what should be your happy occasion! **HUGS!!**

from lifeasme66 :

I know that feeling of being annoyed when you really should just forget it. Believe me, I know it well. It takes me about a day's worth of distractions to tell myself that it's better off forgotten. Pick your battles, don't sweat the small stuff, etc etc. I tell myself, at the end of a long day, isn't it great that I have someone who loves me and cares about me? Because it wasn't that long ago that we didn't have such wonderful men in our lives =) **HUGS!!**

from voodoochick :

Beautiful ring :-)

from kbc :

CONGRATULATIONS!!! I'm so happy for you!!

from voodoochick :

Congratulations! Now we want a look at the ring!

from astralounge :

This was the news I expected. :) Everything you said made me just as suspicious as you were! Congrats!! :) *hugs*

from portia12 :

Congratulations!!! Hugs!

from lifeasme66 :

Oooohhhh!!! Congrats!! **HUGS!!**

from astralounge :

We are waiting with anticipation for the news! What happened? Hope it was good. :)

from lifeasme66 :

Hope your dinner went well *wink*, and yes, I could totally relate with the feeling of not wanting to hear your family's lack of enthusiasm. Mine will be like that too, when the day finally comes. I guess, all I can say is that you have faith in your own decisions, including being with Eric, and that's what really matters. **HUGS!!**

from voodoochick :

Glad things seem to be more positive!

from lifeasme66 :

Thanks for your comment on my last entry. I've got to write the next one soon, and it'll probably be more talk about those meds. I just wanted to say that I hear you on the financial stressors. Good that you guys are planning ahead. Maybe it doesn't sound like much fun to be frugal, but you'll reap the benefits for it later. **HUGS!!**

from pink-circle :

*The Circle of the Phoenix* Hi, I'm Phoenix, and I'd like to personally invite you to join The Circle; a writers' and artists' group for diaryland members. It's a public journal, so that anyone can post to it, but members have profiles on the site, as well as critiques, and once promoted to Apprentice have buttons to show off their achievements on their site. I hope you don't take this as spam, you can just delete this message if you're not interested, but if you are, please visit our welcome page: http://pink-circle.diaryland.com/welcome3.html -- Thanks for your time -- Atara Phoenix

from periphrastic :

I've been thinking about your Christmas dilemma. If you were not engaged at that time, how would everyone feel if you brought Eric and you slept in separate bedrooms? That way it would be respectful to your parents, because it is their house, but Eric could still be with you and meet your parents. Obviously this would require a certain amount of bedrooms, which might be in short supply for a family gathering. But it might take the pressure off Eric a bit about the engagement question. Don't know, just a thought!

from lifeasme66 :

I feel your frustration oozing out of your written text. It's a hard call, really, but I agree with the other commenter. Eric's meds should be helping more, it doesn't sound like the doses are titrated appropriately. I'm glad he made that extra appointment, but unless he tells his doctors exactly what's going on, they won't be able to help him. It's like how Jon would always lie to his psychologist, and I could see why their session never seemed to help him. From the other side of the fence, being clinically depressed gives you tunnel vision. The last thing you recognize is the effect you're having on those around you. With that being said, I know what helped me the most was having friends that offered their support. They made sure I didn't feel alone and tried to get my mind off of whatever was bothering me by taking me out, talking to me, etc. Looking back now, it was the best thing I could have asked for then. Good luck, my dear. Try to be patient... and use your diary/other friends to vent to (because telling Eric these things will most likely make him more anxious and withdrawn) **HUGS!!**

from voodoochick :

I think it's a good idea to get him to go back to the doctors because sometimes medication can change and he might need or benefit from going onto something else.

from lifeasme66 :

I can kinda relate as far as the estrangement feeling goes. While religion doesn't play a big part in my relationship with my family (it did at one point, but my brother and I put an end to it... long story), I feel sort of as you do. The less involvement with them, the better it is for my sanity. I don't like it that way, but it's kind of how things are going. And I feel as you do that the next couple of years are pivotal. I'm glad otherwise though that you seem happy and in a much better place. Progress takes time, and yes, there will always be something else to work on and deal with. That's how you know you're growing. **HUGS!!**

from lifeasme66 :

Yay, an update! Hehe. And congrats on the job, I'm excited for you =) **HUGS!!**

from astralounge :

I copied down the Sarah Waters recommendation, thanks! :)

from lifeasme66 :

Yay, updates! Bring 'em on, girl =) **HUGS!!**

from lifeasme66 :

Kudos on your trial victory! And thanks for the email you sent in regards to my last entry. Is it bad that a big part of me just hates thinking about it? But I do know I need to address it. You're right, we need to have that talk, but it ain't gonna be pretty =/ **HUGS!!**

from lifeasme66 :

Glad to hear things are going well. And yes, I totally understand that new-washer/dryer feeling. I love it. **HUGS!!**

from lifeasme66 :

Good to FINALLY read you again (yes, I have to guilt trip you a little bit there cuz I missed ya!) and glad that things are going well, albeit exhausting. Sorry to hear about the situation with mom though, she does sound more reasonable than mine. Hopefully she will come around and things will be fine. **HUGS!!**

from kbc :

Thank you for your note. I will consider therapy but I'm just not sure it's for me. I suppose that's because the only therapist I ever went to told me that I would "deal" when my dad died (I saw him while my dad was in the final throes of cancer) and that I would "get over it." No advice as to how to do either, just that I would. And he asked a lot of questions about my sexual life in high school although it was totally unrelated to anything I was talking about. He turned me off therapists.

from voodoochick :

Aww get well soon, and be kind to yourself.

from voodoochick :

I capture the castle is great and the film version of it is pretty good too!

from lifeasme66 :

Sorry things are tough for you right now, hon. I know what you mean about the long-term relationship thing. I turn mine over maybe a dozen times in my head each day... I wish I was one of those people who can be happy for the moment, instead of worrying about where things will be down the road. *sigh* I hope you find some semblance of peace soon. **HUGS!!**

from voodoochick :

Indeed. But most jobs these days are full of pressure. I work in a shop and we have targets to meet etc. I know it's not someones fate in your hand but the grief it causes you'd think it was!

from voodoochick :

Well done. I don't care what anyone says it's really brave to take that step to start helping yourself.

from voodoochick :

You do whatever you need to do to make yourself feel better.

from lifeasme66 :

Aww, hon. Sorry about the anxiety attack. I guess I know how you feel... what with watching everyone get engaged and married, and some of them even having kids... and you're not. I know the feeling. I skip ahead sometimes myself, even though I try really hard not to. Hopefully the therapy will help. **HUGS!!**

from sas1981 :

I love you! Ha. That reall ysucks but its what girls go through. Once hubby and I had talked about being together forever, I really really really pushed for the ring. I ended up giving him an ultimatum after we'd been together 13 months. Either marry me and put a ring on my finger or I'm done. We got engaged within a week. Not to say that is the answer for you but I'm just letting you know that I've been there too and it sucks. At the time he told me he had bought the ring already? I was sobbing in the bathtub alone in my misery when he just had to tell me cause he couldn't take it anymore. Have a great day! Sarah

from lifeasme66 :

Good luck with that, hon. Maybe I speak from very dark corners when I say mental health issues and loved ones mix very badly... I mean, they're hard to work through. I'm hoping it will be easier for you than it was for me. **HUGS!!**

from lifeasme66 :

I know what you mean about the lovebirds thing. Sometimes you just have that lovey-dovey chemistry with someone. I'm not a huge fan of PDA, but with the right person, it's really easy to be like that. Sean and I are, so I know what you're talking about. Holding hands at the dinner table, being in contact while we're sitting on the couch... even driving, we hold hands or someone's hand is resting comfortably on the other's thigh. It just feels fight =) **HUGS!!**

from lifeasme66 :

I totally hear you on the cat. Sean and I have such lousy schedules too (both of us have 10-hour shifts, him 6 days a week lately)... which is why we got Chez a sister but, it will take some time before he likes her! **HUGS!!**

from voodoochick :

Aww!

from astralounge :

Awww, that was so nice of you to say. Thank you--I needed it. :) And I had a great time too! We will definitely do it again!

from voodoochick :

Glad you're doing ok.

from sas1981 :

Yay for ring shopping!! I thought initially that I wanted a 3 stone ring...it looked ridiculous on me as well and I ended up with a princess cut solitaire, white gold tiffany setting! I can't see the type of ring you are thinking of, however, because the link doesn't work. Relax this weekend!! Sarah

from seventrain :

Hey...I came across your page because of Somn a while back..but I'm not here to discuss that, so no worries. I just wanted to say that since I've been reading your diary, it's been enjoyable hearing about your budding relationship and the progress it's made...how it started, where it's going, the positives about it all. At first I was kinda bummed and wanting what you were experiencing, because I was alone, but now that I'm with someone, I can totally relate. It's nice to be able to be happy like that. I am currently dating the most wonderful man I've ever dated and so now I know the feeling. He really could be my "Mr. Right" and I can totally relate to how you said (I'm pretty sure you said this) you just know it's THE ONE sometimes. That is how I feel about him..totally. Never before have I felt that about anybody, and I lived with a past boyfriend for like four years. I just get this feeling in my gut that he is the one I am going to end up with. I don't know how I know, really, but like I said, I just get that feeling...and never have before. I sure hope I'm right..or it'll suck..haha..but I can relate to your feelings. Anyway, I just wanted to share those thoughts with you...I hope things continue to grow and that your future together turns out great. Everyone deserves that in life. Let's hope we all get it. =)

from astralounge :

By the way, I never responded to some of your previous messages, but I meant to. I'd love to meet you in July if you're in town. Just let me know! Send me an email at [email protected] if you want. And thanks for the suggestion of the Didon book. Strangely enough, I actually have it and hadn't even looked at it yet. I got it before Jay died and never thought of it until you mentioned it. I may try to pick it up soon. Thank you. Also, I am so glad you're so happy with Eric. The things you say (and I mean this in the most positive way possible) about your relationship with him remind me of how I felt with Jay. It was just perfect for so much of our time together. I try to hold on to that now. It's such a good feeling, isn't it?

from lifeasme66 :

Glad you are alive, and happy! **HUGS!!**

from astralounge :

Thank you so much for your kind words after Jay's death last week. I really appreciated it. Nothing can make it better, but every little kindness helps. Hugs.

from periphrastic :

Hey, who says you necessarily have to just wait for him to pop the question?

from lifeasme66 :

I've always wondered if what they say is true, do you really just know IT when it's IT? If you do, I guess I've never found IT. Anyway, I'm glad you have... can't wait for your happy ending. And yeah, I think you're on the right track with Som. I'm coming up on a year of silence with the guy and nothing has changed. **HUGS!!**

from guida :

Woah another Mormon Daisy out there!...small world. It looks like you gag at hearing that "tell me your answer true" song too. I'm glad I can share the name with someone who seems as cool as you. Best wishes oh...Guida comes from the Portuguese word for Daisy - Margarida - they shorten it to Guida.

from voodoochick :

What's the song?

from periphrastic :

Aww, you have a boyfriend that recommends books and will talk about them and wander round book shops with you? I'm jealous, but it also restores my hope of finding my own.

from voodoochick :

I'm sorry also.

from kbc :

I'm sorry to hear about your grandfather.

from sas1981 :

I'm really sorry about your grandfather. I spent the night my grandma died cuddled up to my then boyfriend telling him about how he was everything that was making me happy at that point. Two weeks later we were engaged. I'm excited for you!! Sarah

from kbc :

Your entries about Eric remind me of when I first starting dating Barry. Each one makes me want to rush home and shower him with kisses! There is something so wonderfully satisfying about knowing, truly knowing, that someone loves you and that you love them. I'm thrilled for you! K

from lifeasme66 :

Ah yes, all I can say is... enjoy!!! **HUGS!!**

from periphrastic :

Hey, I'm glad things are still going well for you. I wouldn't say reading an 'abstract' entry was unsatisfying. Sometimes I find an overview is easier to read than a list of what you did next. Anyway, I'm quite addicted to your journal at the moment, so I wouldn't worry too much about what you're writing! :)

from kbc :

You had to be true to yourself. I wouldn't feel guilty about your decision. I wish you nothing but happiness with Eric! I hope it works out for you.

from sas1981 :

Yay!! Happy for you :)

from lifeasme66 :

Awww, I like seeing you happy. And about somnam, if you want to talk about that, feel free to email me. I've been where in your shoes exactly. **HUGS!!**

from somnambulist :

Since I took your advice and called my doctor, but he can't see me until around 10, I had a little time to goof off this morning. I came across a legal-themed comic that I thought would give you a chuckle. Enjoy! (http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/choadwarrior/341021)

from portia12 :

I can relate. I am wondering if it is possible to settle down with someone if you haven't gotten out there and had some frivolous relationships. It's hard when you love the person you are with. I feel like I am not ready to get married yet.

from lifeasme66 :

Good for you. And go on with your sexy, dating self =) **HUGS!!**

from sweetjulep :

Hi - I guess I should have introduced myself first, but instead I'll just jump into this comment: I recently started casually dating myself - except it was an isolated incident and yeah, he got the second date, and yeah, he was totally into me. But would we be better as friends? Yes. I feel like because of the fact that we went on two dates where he had the intent to be in a relationship and I had the intent to "fish around a little," I just don't know *what* to do anymore. Any perspective? I just thought I'd let you know you're not alone :) Also, I'm on the edge of my seat to see how things go with you. After giving him a softened version of my "bottom line," which was probably still kind of a kick in the nuts, he did say he'd call me when he gets back from Ft. Bragg, where he'll be until next weekend...I don't even know if a third date as a "friendly thing" is even worth it at this point...

from periphrastic :

Hey, congrats on your new freedom. I hope you can keep up your spirits, and enjoy making happy memories in your new living and working spaces.

from astralounge :

Breakups suck, sorry about that. But I hope that you're ok with where life has taken you, and based on your past entries about the relationship, I think you made the right choice. Congrats for being strong.

from lifeasme66 :

I nodded my way through this entry... boy, could I relate. I"m glad you're seeing it well **HUGS!!**

from sas1981 :

Wow. You are a whole lot braver than I would be I think (new city, knowing no one outside of bf that is no longer your bf!) But its better sooner rather than later. Congrats on your new freedom and it sounds like the job is going well.

from lifeasme66 :

"It's not something I look forward to doing, but I do look forward to it being done." That's exactly how I felt about breaking up with Sean... Good luck with that, when you do it. **HUGS!!**

from voodoochick :

No...I don't know!

from voodoochick :

I think if you're not scared you're doing the right thing.

from lifeasme66 :

I think you know where it's going... and maybe a part of you is just biding the time until you can move out. Have you asked yourself, "If I wasn't moving out, would I feel more trapped and ready to have this out?" You're a smart girl, I know you'll do what you need to do. **HUGS!!**

from sas1981 :

Well...all good things must come to an end. It was pretty okay in the beginning and now its not. Go with whatever feels right. Maybe moving out and moving on isn't such a bad idea? Good luck!

from somnambulist :

Actually, the fellow who said that to me seems like he'd be one of the creepy guys in the corner. I was just going for fun and silly hyperbole, anyway, more than a blatant lamentation of epic tragedy. I have enough of those entries. Anyway, I won't worry about threesomes until such an opportunity presents itself, in which case, my actual reaction, in a situation such as you have outlined, would be something more along the lines of, "O, Lord, thank you for this bounty that I am about to receive..." :)

from periphrastic :

Yay for being down the bar! It's so nice getting rid of something like that that's been hanging over your head, isn't it? Hope the waiting for the results isn't too agonising! And it's ok that you don't like the Olympics. We (in Britain) get Robin Cousins commentating on the skating, yay! He's lovely (was a skater several years ago).

from voodoochick :

He should not be touching the cat. Let alone throwing it.

from astralounge :

Yeah. Harrison has an incestuous affair with her father in the memoir I was referring to. It's, um, kinda creepy. Which is putting it mildly, I guess. :) Congrats on being done with the bar!!

from astralounge :

Good luck from me, too! :) Is that the same Kathryn Harrison who wrote the memoir, "The Kiss"? (See, as usual, I've read the nonfiction!) That's a pretty disturbing memoir, if you haven't seen it.

from lifeasme66 :

And another last minute "Good luck!" **HUGS!!**

from kbc :

Good luck a thousand times over! I hope it goes well for you!

from alure :

good luck!!

from voodoochick :

Good luck!

from lifeasme66 :

Good luck on those tests! And, I had to laugh at the question below me... is he? **HUGS!!**

from portia12 :

Is Jack a Virgo?

from somnambulist :

Perhaps. I think it is a holdover from interviewing with executives who spooked the bejeezus out of me. Generally speaking, strong women in charge who are viewed negatively almost ALWAYS take a liking to me. I'm not sure if it's my work, my attitude, my intelligence, or that I'm 20 years younger and they like to drool over me the same way a lecherous old man would over a cute young intern. (also, good morning, while we're both up. hehe.)

from voodoochick :

It's probably been brewing for a while.

from lifeasme66 :

Hmm... your latest makes me think... **HUGS!!**

from voodoochick :

It's still you! Sit back and accept the compliments!

from somnambulist :

Chipmunk? No way. You exhibit no rodentlike qualities that I am aware of. I do agree with Portia's comment that you look vaguely Russian -- in one photo you are almost a dead ringer for Elizabeth, of minor fame in my diary (see 12-23-2003, and 10-03-2003 entries if you want to know about your doppelg�nger). She is/was from St. Petersburg, back in its waning Soviet days as Leningrad..... anyway, in conclusion, if you're that attractive banging around in T-shirt and ponytail, you should have men falling over when you're dressed up. And if you don't, you have my permission to trip them. ;-)

from zillioneyes :

012606. still reading.

from voodoochick :

You're very pretty.

from portia12 :

I put a pic of Oksana up that I think looks a bit like you.

from portia12 :

I just checked out your myspace pics, how pretty! At times you look a bit Russian/eastern European. I see a small smidge of Oksana Baul.

from astralounge :

Ack. New addiction! (I found some variation in my face recognition depending on photo, but some of the common ones were Julie Christie, Liza Minelli, and Demi Moore. Hrm.)

from voodoochick :

Angela's Ashes by Frank McCourt. It's a great book!

from lifeasme66 :

I definitely hear you on this entry. I could say I've been feeling a lot of the same... disatisfaction(?) with things concerning Sean. Just issues that keep resurfacing, things I'd like to not keep revisiting only to make some half-ass attempt at not really fixing them. *sigh* Oh well. **HUGS!!**

from kbc :

Thank you for your words of encouragement. I'm meeting with the career counsellor tomorrow so hopefully she can show me that I'm not completely screwed and point me in the right direction. I think I'm just totally missing the point when I study. I read and read and read but I don't think I'm analyzing things properly, if at all. I need to figure out how to learn law. You'd think I'd have figured that out by now, but I guess not! thanks again Daizy.

from fan4 :

Buritto is a cat? For some reason, I kept thinking you were referring to a dog whenever you'd bring up "the buritto" in a diary entry.

from lifeasme66 :

I remember those long emails... hmm, I can't remember why we dropped off. Must've been my flakiness! **HUGS!!**

from voodoochick :

Some of the best conversations are the ones you have with yourself.

from fan4 :

What is the Steak n Shake? Congrats on getting a new job!

from voodoochick :

Well done!

from periphrastic :

Yay! Congratulations! I hope it does turn out to be a job where you will be happy, and it will lead to many good things. Yay!

from lifeasme66 :

Congratulations!!! Can I rub your head? I need some of that luck ;) **HUGS!!**

from somnambulist :

Congratulations! Now we are both fully employed! :) Actually, the news stats kept saying "less than 5% unemployment," but the job leads sure don't look like that to me...

from lifeasme66 :

Congrats on what sounds to be a decent/good job interview. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you. On another note, I'm confused at why you'd be moving out from Jack to take this job. Is there an awful commute involved? Or was it always in your game plan to move out anyway? **HUGS!!**

from somnambulist :

Now, come on, don't you know that the universe is far too busy conspiring against me to worry about messing with you at the moment? ;)

from astralounge :

Yeah. I figure he should thank TSG, because if Oprah got him publicity, this will get him even more, and his book will probably sell even better because people will be curious to see what the fuss is. No publicity is bad publicity, as they say. :) Does kind of ruin the book for me, though, because anytime I read his over-the-top descriptions I just find myself thinking it's fake!

from astralounge :

Daizy, that wasn't an accident. I had picked up the book a while ago but never started it, and then when I read the Million Little Lies piece at TSG, it prompted me to open it. :)

from somnambulist :

Unexcited? Kind of. But you missed the comic summing up why: http://www.stripcreator.com/comics/somnambulist/330982 ... :-)

from lifeasme66 :

Hmm... non-perishables... my friend asked for bath and beauty products cuz they're hard for her to get. Some of her favorite scented lotions, that kind of thing... **HUGS!!**

from voodoochick :

Please sing the song. I can't remember it! I have no idea about what to send your friend but maybe you could go to a camping shop? They're bound to have some similar stuff to what they have in Army food packs.

from kbc :

Good luck with the job search. I'm beginning to panic about finding a summer job in a firm or law office. Nothing makes me feel more inadequate than applying for law jobs. All the best to you!

from voodoochick :

I hate it when people tell you stuff you already know.

from fan4 :

I started reading "Harry Potter and the Half-blood Prince" last year, and haven't finished it yet.

from fan4 :

Get well soon!

from astralounge :

For what it's worth, I felt/feel that way too. I have a good job, but I was in school for 23 years or so, and I expected to get a faculty position. (I'm an administrator who teaches.) Anyhow, just wanted you to know you're not alone. And let me know your librarything account when you start it. I want to peruse your bookshelves. :) (Mine is http://www.librarything.com/profile/blaiseastra.)

from lifeasme66 :

Gah, I hear you on this one. The job thing has me baffled too. I tell myself the same things you're saying. I have a doctorate, I've dedicaded so many years to school... and yet, I've been bumbling around with the same temp job for the past 5 months. *sigh* Best of luck to all us job-seekers **HUGS!!**

from astralounge :

By the way, I enjoyed Prep a lot (and my entry last month on being a "cry baby", although I didn't mention it then, was written during a rumination brought on by the book), but I agree that parts of it didn't "ring true", as you said. Still, I really felt that whole adolescent angst thing strongly when I was reading it. Book of the year, though? No. And I'm glad to see you liked I Am Charlotte Simmons. I've been curious to read it (never have read any Wolfe before, though I've always been curious about his ATL book, A Man in Full), but have also been sort of scared away from it because so many conservatives have liked it and used it in the ongoing war against postsecondary education. Bleh.

from astralounge :

Speaking of books, have you discovered librarything.com yet? It sounds like you're as prone to listmaking and organization as I am, and I *love* this website. :)

from somnambulist :

Keep in mind I still don't have an "official" offer, just the promise of a guy who's quitting next Friday (sadly, I'm not kidding) -- so we're pretty much on an even footing so far. But I will cross any parts of my body which can be crossed for you! :)

from periphrastic :

If you like big, sweeping books, have you read any Tolstoy? You should.

from lifeasme66 :

Oh wow, I didn't know you were so close! Maybe I'll bump into you ;) **HUGS!!**

from fan4 :

get well soon

from voodoochick :

I'm glad you can update more now :-)

from fan4 :

I hope you're able to get the job okay.

from astralounge :

I meant to say I don't think there's anything weird about contacting someone you looked up online. But I do think it's weird that you said you were making baskets for "Joe's family." :)

from kbc :

Good luck with the job prospect. I hope it works out for you.

from northrup :

I completely understand your pain - I don't allow friends over to the house when the family dogs are visiting. I sound like a complete moron when I talk to them.

from disendow :

Hei. I clicked on your banner and have read a few entries. Will certainly be back for more, you're a good read my dear. And then of course, I want to know how your formal went!

from kbc :

Hey. Thanks for adding me. I'm horrendous at updating so I hope you haven't let your expectations get too high. :) I hope you have fun at the shindig tonight.

from dangerspouse :

Hi! Just clicked on your banner, and read several entries. Good luck at the new place, with the new non-belief, the hopefully new job and the (relatively) new relationship. Sounds like you need LOTS of luck, actually. I hope you get plenty of it, soon. Oh, and happy belated birthday!

from astralounge :

Excellent! Glad to hear it! That's where I went for my celebratory dinner when I got my PhD. :) I've heard there's one somewhere else in Atlanta, too, but I always go to the one in Buckhead. I wish I could be a fountain of other recommendations, but that's pretty much the extent of my Atlanta restaurant knowledge. :)

from voodoochick :

Happy birthday!

from astralounge :

Happy birthday! If you want an interesting (and tasty, in my opinion) dining experience (and you're willing to shell out a little for it), try Dante's Down the Hatch, a fondue place in Buckhead. I don't know the Atlanta restaurant scene well, either, but that's where I always go when I want to go somewhere special! :) http://www.dantesdownthehatch.com/

from sas1981 :

happy birthday!!

from lifeasme66 :

Was worried about you. Glad to see you're doing alright and are (trying) to get settled in the new place. Those things you mention worry me too. You know, the particulars. I think I've gotten so used to the way I live, the way I like things done and arranged and everything... that I'm not flexible enough to let anyone else in. It was something I was going to write about in a future entry. Thanks for subtly implying I'm not the only one who feels this way **HUGS!!**

from astralounge :

Hey you. Sorry I never replied to your note... I got it after the weekend was already over. Anyhow, let me know once you're moved and settled and maybe we can get together for lunch or something! I haven't met anyone through the internet in a long time, and I think it would be fun! :)

from periphrastic :

*hugs* And... That's all I've got (and they're smelly, germy hugs from working at the hospital today). I have no advice, just lots of sympathy. Hang in there.

from lifeasme66 :

I really appreciate the honesty in your last entry, especially since it's something I've had in my mind for many months. The whole prospect of picking up and moving... it still scares me, even after I've gotten as far as I have with Ryan. Cuz yeah, like you said, is it safe to have your life so dependent on someone else? What if the relationship didn't work out... would I be stranded in a new place by myself alone? That scares me so much... I guess it's why I have to be so certain about this job. =/ Not easy times, girl, for either of us. **HUGS!!**

from lifeasme66 :

Glad to see you updated, I've missed you. I wish I had more to offer than, "I understand." Well, I guess a few words. You've often mentioned that you didn't believe Jack was the one. Not saying that your feelings now have bearing on that, just that I think it's natural to compare and to wonder. Maybe ask him what he sees in you? A girl needs validation every now and then. And I know it's a hard place to be in right now, unsure of where things are going. But I can tell you that, waiting and riding the tide does help. Your answers will come to you. **HUGS!!**

from voodoochick :

I'll miss you. Plus kitten will be fine. You could always get a box for his bed and encourage him to sleep there with warm blankets and treats, (and a shut bedroom door!) All the best.

from xplodingboy :

"nearly 26"? am i seriously older than you? oh man, i feel like such a loser. here i am working part time at a paper and youre a lawyer. wow. i do suck. anyway, call me sometime, i'm always calling you. you have to do it every once in a while. i won't let you be one of those fair weather friends.

from astralounge :

Hey, I was thinking about you when I heard about the second evacuation. Glad to hear you're ok. So did you know that J. and I moved in together after only a month? Yeah, we're nuts. :) I wouldn't recommend it for others. Anyhow, was going to mention that I felt the same way about Sin City. It was terribly misogynistic. Ugh. But the girls were pretty, no doubt about it!

from lifeasme66 :

Yeah, 5 months is probably a little fast. Although, Jon asked me to move in with him after we'd been dating only 4 months, after my lease ended and I was set to move back home to my parents' house. But, we'd already said our "I love yous" and had spent so much time sleeping over already, it didn't feel wrong. I think that's the key. I'm sure it all depends on the couple, so 5 months may or may not be too short, but if it feels right/wrong... that's what counts. **HUGS!!**

from lifeasme66 :

Glad you survived! I practically strangled my ex when we went to Europe together too... it really is a test of any couple =) **HUGS!!**

from zillioneyes :

i am sorry jack ruined your vacation! KEEP IN TOUCH STRANGER

from voodoochick :

Lol, "Things are old"

from periphrastic :

Wao! I just caught up on about two months worth of entries, and what a very full two months they've been. Good luck with all the changes, especially the job hunting. I really hope it all works out well for you!

from lifeasme66 :

Missed your posts while you were gone (and thanks for the regular comments/emails on mine) =) How you feel is how you feel, can't change it, no matter what anyone says! Besides, what you and Jack do, in a relationship that's meant to last or not, is entirely your business. I just wish the best for you... because we all deserve to be happy at least some of the time, right? **HUGS!!**

from voodoochick :

Once the kittens get older they'll become much more independent.

from somnambulist :

ok, so i *finally* fixed the link to you on my diary that was broken. It only took a total redesign of my place to do it. Whoops. =)

from lifeasme66 :

Enjoy the time off =) And thanks for your comments and emails. Just trying to go day by day here... **HUGS!!**

from voodoochick :

Thank you :-)

from voodoochick :

What was the song?

from astralounge :

Thanks for the book recommendation! I'll add it to my (long, long) list. It sounds like something I'd enjoy. :)

from lifeasme66 :

Hope you're doing well... haven't heard from you in a while! Good luck with the move and everything, I gotta say, you got guts, girl! **HUGS!!**

from sas1981 :

Aww its okay. You never know where these things will go!! My diaryland diary goes back WOW 3 years (hubby and I had just moved in together as bf/gf and things weren't always that great between us either). So if you want some reassurance, you can see what problems we had and know that we turned out a happy married couple with a baby on the way!! :) Sarah

from my-solitaire :

Corporate is bullshit, vacation pay is only given when they're forced to give it by law heh. If I had a passport it'd have only 1 stamp in it :o( I love your layout btw.

from voodoochick :

Very pleased you've had a blood test on your kittens :-)

from lifeasme66 :

Wow hon... I totally understand this entry. I think you and I are exactly on the same wavelength with a lot of the issues in your entry. Moving for a guy is just not enough. There has to be job stability, comfort, SOMETHING else to keep you there if the relationship doesn't work out. And I think you and I are of the same mind that we couldn't do something like this without reasons completely independent of the boy. I'm looking forward to emailing you when I get back **HUGS!!**

from voodoochick :

Some advice = Get your kittens tested for F.I.V. and get a scratching post if you haven't already or they'll wreck your furniture!

from lifeasme66 :

Hon, write about whatever you want. It's your diary. I know you know this, I know I know it too.... but just a little reminder. And thanks for your comment, I will email you before I leave =) **HUGS!!**

from astralounge :

Ahhh. Strike two it is... I have to be at work on Tuesday. Oh well. We'll hang out some day. :)

from sas1981 :

Just a note cause you are cool like that. Have you started reading my xanga yet? Not that its interesting or updated frequently or anything, but definitely more than d-land. By the way, I said the L word first to my hubby after 6 weeks of dating. He said it back...I was so scared I would scare him away!!! Maybe I did and he just hasn't left yet....hmm....3 years 8 months he's stuck around thus far!!

from astralounge :

Thanks for the recommendation! :) (Yep, I was reading.) I put it right on my wishlist. Sounds fascinating! Also, where will you be in Georgia? If you're in Athens or Atlanta we should definitely set up a brunch or something! :)

from voodoochick :

:-( Aren't you supposed to get out of the car on the banking or something in case someone smashes into you...? Glad you're safe, however.

from voodoochick :

You have had alot happening. Monday was my worst day :-(

from voodoochick :

I didn't think you were :-)

from voodoochick :

"...my clients are people who aren't even allowed to be in the world at all..." I thought they were just trying to get into America? America isn't the only country in the world y'know.

from astralounge :

I don't think we read each other back in Winter 03, which is when I met J., but I really felt like you do. I didn't feel insecure or overly needy, and I realized after the fact that it was because J. actually gave me what I had been lacking--comfort, reassurance, and stability. I'd never been with anyone else who had that to give, and therefore was always scared and insecure. It makes a big difference, doesn't it? :)

from astralounge :

So glad things are going well with Jack! Yay! The movie you just watched with him sounded very familiar, as I just watched a film called Baraka that was similar. I looked them both up on IMDB and think they must be somehow related. :) And I felt the same way... not my thing.

from voodoochick :

You've got someone you like - don't knock yourself out! Glad you're ok but keep an eye on yourself :-)

from voodoochick :

Haha! So I was right to just ask!! :-)

from voodoochick :

Yay \o/ Have a good time.

from portia12 :

It might be tempting, and a cute idea, but don't let him try to teach you a stick shift! My bf is extremely patient and teaches others how to drive semis, but it resulted in me yelling at him and overall frustrated that I would never be able to drive a stick shift. I heart Mercedes.

from voodoochick :

Reply to second entry or today's entry, meh, whatever. Apologies, I could have done it as a job lot but I was being a dunce so there you go. I ask too many questions aswell but that's generally because I'm nosy, or, "Taking an Interest" and I know it's easy for me to say but why shouldn't things go well for you? Sit back, relax and enjoy!

from voodoochick :

Well I think it's great that you're not mad and if you're happy with what you have written and it says what you want to say how you want to say it then go for it. Re: Jack...hmm, I would annoy me to be in the limbo type stage where you're not sure what he is but I think you have a right to know where you stand with it all. Would asking make it go crappy?

from portia12 :

LOL Felicity was so my life! Scott Foley is soooo much cuter than Scott Speedman. I think your letter to Joe is great and I like how you added that other people would have sent mean letters, just to show him that what he did was wrong.

from voodoochick :

Not hating, happy for you :-)

from voodoochick :

Thanks for the info on Giles and yay \o/ glad you had a good time :-)

from voodoochick :

Giles? Who is Giles?!

from voodoochick :

Sounds like she's jealous to me. If she's not then why would she care if you two remained friends? I would want to go and have it out with her personally. What have you got to lose?

from portia12 :

Hi, I hadn't had time to read the whole entry. I don't think you should displace your anger at her. He deserves some of your anger. Obviously, many people have trouble being calm, reasonable and trusting towards the person they are involved with. Why couldn't he argue with her about this? It drives me insane that people don't have trust. Trust is the one element that is needed on both sides. I don't have much experience but I do know that if you don't have trust you don't have anything. It is not like either of you harbor romantic feelings. You said yourself that you were never meant to be romantically. Therefore, the key is not to let him have a power over you. He must be very insensitive not to know what you've gone through. Is there some way you could talk to her? It might make you even more mad and exasperated.

from sas1981 :

Hey....some guys, simply put are completely pussy whooped. Sounds like that is what Joe is!! He'll do whatever she says even if that means going against how he really feels. As a married woman, I have to say, we make many compromises. Sometimes I get my way, sometimes he gets his...this is one battle he chose to stop fighting and therefore she "won." It seems kind of selfish on her part. She "won" but both you and Joe have really lost (out on a friendship.) I say you write that one last email just so 10 years from now you are not left with a lot of "what ifs." You'll know you said your piece. The true test? Write him that one last emotional email - and see if he responds. If he doesn't, you can accept that the communication is truly over. If he does? then I don't know what to do next...My point? She's a possessive bitch, and you should write him that one last email telling him everything you want to!! -Sarah

from portia12 :

He does NOT deserve you as a friend. And his wife is more than weird in my opinion.

from sas1981 :

Scott isn't worth your time!! I'm still anxious to see what happens when John comes to visit! Hope you are enjoying your new job/place etc. I update more @ www.xanga.com/users/sas1981

from voodoochick :

How you didn't just walk out is beyond me.

from voodoochick :

That letter was really moving. You sure you're not a writer?

from portia12 :

I remember a similar thing happening with my friend. Her guy friend's girlfriend wouldn't let them hang out anymore and they have lost complete touch. It is such a shame. As for Joe, I don't think he deserves you as a friend if he couldn't be his own person. If she is that jealous I feel sorry for her. If a couple don't have trust they don't have much. You should call up your other good friends.

from voodoochick :

I'm not surprised you haven't forgiven him for that.

from astralounge :

Re: Margaret Atwood. I feel the same. Love her poetry. Loved Cat's Eye and The Robber Bride. Couldn't get into Alias Grace or The Handmaid's Tale, and I haven't tried to read her much since Alias Grace.

from astralounge :

Well it looks like I won't have time to see you while I'm in TX for my interview. I got my itinerary and there's basically no free time. Bummer. :( But who knows? We may end up moving there!

from astralounge :

Really? Hrmmm. Never would have guessed! I know a lot of mormon folk from when I lived in California. For whatever reason, it was a fairly popular religion in the Sacramento area. I find it endlessly interesting because it's such a recent religion, but it's had more success than any other recent, radically different religion. And its history and dogma is just so unusual. I'm a skeptic through and through, of course, but I sure do like learning about it all!

from xplodingboy :

so you're a bad friend...who cares? it's no biggie.

from portia12 :

Oh Ma Gawd. You are so lucky to gain weight there. I moved to live with my boyfriend's family and then boyfriend, gained about twenty pounds. It all went to my thighs, hips, stomach. And I am VERY flat to begin with. Don't mind me I'm just a little bitter.

from portia12 :

Thank God. Thanks for leaving the update.

from voodoochick :

Pepper *IS* a good name!

from hissandtell :

Hi - I clicked on your banner. I rather enjoy your stream-of-consciousness at the end - especially bits like, "Perhaps I will take a break now and make a new banner." This kind of mirrors my own life over the past week: "Hmmm, wonder how my banners are going ... hmmm, perhaps I shall make a new banner now ... hmmm, sat in garden reading "A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man" and "To the Lighthouse" - wonder if I can work them into a banner somehow?" Wonderful stuff - I shall be back to read more. Love, R xxx

from bluemeany :

Where in Iraq is your man heading, and what unit is he in? Maybe he'll be near where I'm at ... it's actually pretty nice here.

from sas1981 :

Ok so I might have signed the guestbook too but I got an error message. Anyway...just wanted to share the xanga url with you because I seem to be updating it more frequently than the diaryland. http://www.xanga.com/Private/home.aspx?user=sas1981 And Yay for having more $$$!

from bluemeany :

Congraddylayshuns on the new place! I also love a good transition ... it's almost as nice as a good piece of chocolate pie. Or maybe that's in MY world! Good luck on your move.

from sas1981 :

Woohoo. Congrats on the apartment! Not too far from my hometown (that I'm visiting at this moment)...I grew up in Spring which is kinda up there with The Woodlands/Conroe area of town. Hope you like it here!! While Austin is pretty in its own right (think driving down 360) I'll always miss the tall pine trees....

from sas1981 :

An opinion from some random chick that keeps tabs on you (kinda freaky isn't it? really though, I read your diary every once in awhile! I'm not your stalker...) but my opinion? Sex...to abstain or not to abstain...its completely up to you. And I think Daniel is jealous. More power to you for finding out what you like and don't like! At least when you do meet the "love of your life" you'll know what it takes to be a good lover (you for him and he for you). Thats my two cents! I'm quite pleased with my sex life...and I don't regret any of the experiences I had before I met my husband! :)

from astralounge :

You're doing the right thing for you, period. I'm glad you've made up your own mind about it!

from xplodingboy :

Glad I could be there for you. (It's actually pretty selfish on my part since I'm only doing it so you'll be there for me when I need to talk. Heh.)

from xplodingboy :

oh wow, you read the new york trilogy. i should read it again. i partly started my 'red notebook' because of it.

from astralounge :

Comment whores unite! I didn't care for "The Last Juror." I haven't cared for many of his books since, as you said, his early thrillers. I think I just still want that Grisham back, and nothing else I read by him (especially, good god, The Testament) satisfies me. Ack. Hey, I didn't know Giles was from Athens. Small world!

from xplodingboy :

yeah, i love them from there. sounds like a plan.

from xplodingboy :

hey, happy belated birthday. i wish i'd have known, i would have told you on time. anyway, hope you are having a good time, wherever you are as you read this. hopefully i'll see you soon.

from astralounge :

Ah, yes. The Orlando airport. I couldn't believe how Disney-fied it was when I was there. But I confess that I bought an antenna ball at the Disney airport store. I'm so ashamed.

from xplodingboy :

my world has collapsed on itself...i'm sure you could figure out what that means. other than that, i just wanted to say hello.

from xplodingboy :

hello, things are going okay over here. i hope all goes well with what you're trying to do.

from astralounge :

GOOD LUCK!! I can't even fathom how hard the bar would be. But then, I got a PhD and a lot of people can't fathom that. Anyhow, I'll keep my fingers crossed for you!

from xplodingboy :

so where you been?

from astralounge :

I *totally* get crushes on my students! :)

from elliemay23 :

Just clicked on your banner. Hello from a fellow Texan. xoxo, Ellie

from dangelic :

hey. i've enjoyed reading your diary.. mind if i add you? much love, dangelic xx

from xplodingboy :

oh, didnt see it as rude at all...i can tell there is alot going on in your world...i left the note simply because i wanted you to know that i enjoyed reading sometimes...however i am glad that you choose to stop by sometimes...merry christmas

from heinrich :

hooray! you have returned.

from heinrich :

hrm. still can't see it, even with different browser. just a blank screen.

from heinrich :

odd. i can't see your diary. its just a blank screen. i wonder if the technical difficulties are on my end or yours; i'll try a different browser and get back to you.

from xplodingboy :

i can say that i feel for your situation...i've never been compelled to leave a note even though i always find your entries to be excellent reading...best wishes

from agirlinparis :

I tried leaving a note in the guestbook, but maybe the French servers have something against the guestbook. Are we sure Daizy isn't schitzophrenic? Actually, I love all the faces of Daizy, and each one sounds like she's having a blast! ~L~

from spidersoma :

this is daniel. it is thursday evening. if we are to hang out i need you to call me friday morning ASAP because i need to discuss something with you. PLEASE call me or tell me how to get ahold of you. 310-0419.

from larawolfe :

I remember Daizy's fanfic! Hee. Could definitely tell you were a writer back then. I've withdrawn from the majority of online as well, I know what you mean.

from spidersoma :

ok. so here is the deal. you have blossomed. your past insecurity and newly acquired confidence in your beauty has propelled fro you being overly insercure to be overly physical with men. you may even crave their attention and the "more than kissing" that goes on. you keep living out the same problem except the name of the other individual in the situation keeps changing. my heart goes out to you daizy. when you come here for christmas make sure that you call me up and we spend time together. you are a cool girl and i think people like joe are good for you. good guys friends are what you need right now. i will keep you in my prayers and thoughts. you are a very special and bright girl full of intelligence and vitality. stop wasting your time on these stupid horny boys. love you muchly. ~D

from angelgirl95 :

Daizy, sweetie, so sorry I wasn't hear to wish you a happy birthday! I'm actually sick with a cold now too. Hope it was really great. Wish I could have sent you something, like a real card or what not. Maybe one of these days I can get an address. :)

from spidersoma :

happy birthday, cutie-pie! hope you have a faaabulous time and do something memorable (i am sure it will involve joe, right?) the Reuturn of the Brock. that should provide for some steamy entries in the near future. Put on Nelly's Hot in Herre and get your groove on! love ya daiz.

from larawolfe :

I know the feeling, Daiz. A few years ago, just when my mother and I weren't getting along so well, I came across a half-filled journal in a storage cabinet. It turned out to be something she had begun writing (later abandonned without explanation in the book anyway)in when I was an infant, writing to me about all kinds of things I had been doing. A lot of love in those pages.

from spidersoma :

hey dude. you never told me if you are coming for christmas still or not. when you get here you can call me: 310-0419. we can do anything. the house will be empty and i will have no curfew and be off work so no worries. email me bubby!

from spidersoma :

thanksgiving! i will be home alone and off work! so maybe we can do something/anything? call me while you are here!!! 310-0419!! this is me giddy. by the way, you still planning on being here for christmas? ::is excited::

from spidersoma :

oh i forgot to tell you how much i love you and miss you daiz!! you better write or call or something or i might continue to think you dont care. :( take care!

from spidersoma :

well, no phone call. :( sorry to hear about ryan ... maybe you should ... take a break? from boys, i mean. er, men? boys.

from spidersoma :

now i just want you to know, when you come visit and we hang out, you better keep your hands off me because you seem to have a problem with that. hahahahaha!!! ;) you better call me sometime soon. i miss you alot daiz. xoxoxox

from spidersoma :

your mailbox is still full. from one relationship to the next. repeat. sounds shaky.

from spidersoma :

ok. i have tried to email you 4 or 5 times now and it keeps telling me that your mailbox is full. start deleting.

from spidersoma :

hey, you should get a job here in austin. that would be good! lloyd dobbler is just the coolest, eh? anyways, glad to see you update again. i hope you gimme a call sometime and i am home to receive it. <3 D

from spidersoma :

you know, you can call me when i am happy. that would probably make for better conversation, ya know. i hope to hear from you soon. ~Daniel

from spidersoma :

and if i were there, we could watch Confidentially Yours. i believe that is a truffaut film, one of his later pieces, no?

from spidersoma :

512-310-0419. i am not home at the moment, but i will be in about 3 hours ... it would be nice if you did call. being in the house alone can be ... well ... i just tend to let my mind wander off to places it doesnt need to go. it would be nice to hear from you..

from spidersoma :

i can copy your source code for you if you want and email it to you. email me and let me know if you need me to.

from spidersoma :

hey, drop me an email: [email protected] i wanna hear how things with brock ended up. sounds like you stayed overnight? hmmmm ... just being nosy i suppose. you plan on visiting christmas, right? you know where you are staying? anyways. i would appreciate it if you email me something, just a hello at the least. miss ya.

from spidersoma :

after yo uget done reading my previous note, go do my surveys please. i would greatly appreciate your feedback on them ...

from spidersoma :

daizy-duke! how i missed you! honestly. if i had your email i would have sent you one every day. i thought about you so much and kept checking back hoping for an update. sounds like you had yourself an adventure alright. anyways. i missed you immensely. i kept reading your old entries, trying to see if i missed something along the way. i was on the web and i realized i bookmarked your website, the one with the images of you and you're just so pretty. its astounding. anyways, try keeping the girls in line ;). i know there is a lot of them, but i really just love having female friends. i dont hate girls or blame them for anything. so far i have only been hurt twice and it doesnt change my mindset on women. you are an exceptional one yourself. it looks like you and joe are hanging out a lot, evn if you arent going to be together. going to vegas together, eh? sharing a hotel room? hmmmmm. your stance on alcohol impressed me too. way to go, daizy. love ya, keep in contact. ~Danny Ray

from spidersoma :

been a week since you updated. you ok daizy?

from spidersoma :

your last entry was great! i am sorry to hear about joe, at least now you got everything out into the open and i you dont have to be suspicious anymore. you are very beautiful! i cant believe you werent pretty in high school, but i guess i gotta take your word for it. i am a Curve kind of guy but maybe i will try me some A&F? dont forget your roots! austin loves you and i do too! anyways, you got a friend in me. if you ever wanna chat, you know where to find me. mozarts or amy's ice cream. ;)

from spidersoma :

you still alive? no updates for 6 days!

from spidersoma :

i talked about you in my latest entry. well, it may not be the latest when you check. its in the entry "life is like that" a title i stole from reader's digest.

from spidersoma :

you know. i would love you, even if you wore a sack ;). i am still reading. your diary is so enticing, like a novella, something new for me to read almost daily. its funny how us strangers follow your life ... i believe you are what i would call a beautiful person. I really hope with all my heart (gosh this is all sappy) that whatever happens and whatever guy you end up giving your heart to completely, that he will treat you like a queen and you will be happy, no, joyful. Take care daizy. ~Daniel

from angelgirl95 :

Happy Diaryland Birthday, sweetie! I love feeling connected, by reading about what's going on with you. We're the kindred spirits of CP and Diaryland--you, me, and Lara. We're the only one's keeping regular on here. :)

from angelgirl95 :

Kill Noel??? WHAT?????? I'm with you, Daiz, we love our Noel. He *is* wonderful. ;) I'm sad that Felicity's ending just because of him.

from larawolfe :

Daizy, daizy...you come online, you leave me notes (thanks for that, btw!), and yet you don't update. I need reading material, girl! :) ~Lara~

from angelgirl95 :

Daizy...wow. That's all I can think of. I'm keeping track of you and hoping things go well for you. You really deserve true happiness. Whatever the hell that is. ;)

from spidersoma :

i am being ignored.

from spidersoma :

sorry about valentines. we were in the same boat, but i didnt get kissed. ah well. life is still good. have a good weekend. hopefully one day you will get a long-lasting boy who will treat you right and like a queen.

from spidersoma :

ok, scrap the mailing address thing. i just wanted to send you something to cheer you up and get you outta the joe fun, a valentines if you will. maybe you can just email me or sumfin.

from spidersoma :

hey. i just wanted to say. you said you went to the opera thing alone. that struck a ... chord with me. i think a chord isa good thing. anyways, i go to the movies alone alot. today i saw Royal Tenenbaums. last week i saw Brotherhood of the Wolf and Slackers. i would have gone to the opera with you and sang with you all the way home. no shame.

from spidersoma :

hey daizie. my notes are turned on now. sorry about that. hopefully we can talk sometime, just casual friend stuff. this is an odd request, but do you have a mailing address? i wanna send you something (no, its nothing weird). if so, just email me, [email protected] take care. ~D

from spidersoma :

hi. i just wanted to say hi. bob dylan is coming to austin. but you arent even in austin. but i thought i would just state that anyways. i still read your diary religiously. hope you are having fun. ::hug::

from angelgirl95 :

Just popping in, sweetie. I've missed reading your entries and I'm so glad that things are going well...or as well as they can be, lol. Thinking about you and hope you take care. ;)

from spidersoma :

hey daizy. just wanted to say hello and wish you a happy birthday. you dont update as often as i, but each one of your entries is long and detailed, so each one is filling! lol ... glad to hear you are back in austin or at least visiting. anyways, good luck with the boys. maybe someday you will snag a MAN like me .... lol ... i dont play games. it just sounds like guys are playing games, maybe not. maybe i am just making rash decisions based on what i have read. at any rate, have a happy 22nd and dont forget that you have a sane and kind musician friend to leave notes for. and listen to Remy Zero's Save Me. good song. kudos.

from larawolfe :

Beatles Fridays - great idea. I think I may do the same when I get my CDs back. ~Lara~

from spidersoma :

oh wow!!! a fellow say anyting/cusack fan!! and i am seeing u2 as well ... gonna be real close !!! i will add you to favorites. are you christian? you mentioned church. i go to shoreline christian center.

from breathless- :

Hey! Your diary is awesome :) I love how you write. Maybe you could check out my diary and drop me a note? i'd appreciate it!

from larawolfe :

Grr, I'd be completely frusterated if something like that happened. I'm always around to offer however little support and advice I can. :-) ~Lara~

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