messages to darthuae:
(click here to add new message):

from the-grey-one :
Oh maaaan, such warm sweet congratulations to you mademoiselle!!
from integrating :
Hi...I've been reading diaries and I ran across you and saw my name on your fave diaries. It said aka thenotebooks. I remember you...will you let me in? slicksundae@yahoo.com love
from boombasticat :
Thanks for the kind note, and the password. Both are very welcome.
from loveherwell :
right? i'm still thinking about it!
from the-grey-one :
I think about that a lot too. I'd feel much more alone without this site, even though there is only ever so much dialogue. Losing my own words would be a loss, but losing everyone else's as well would be terrible. This site has shaped me in a way I never would have expected when I first joined.
from jarofporter :
hey, i used to follow you before, a friend told me about this profile. totally understand if you'd prefer to keep your privacy, but i've been really curious about how things are going with you, and would love to catch up. i still have the same hotmail, if you recall it, or just feel free to leave me a note saying you'd prefer not to share, it's all good! :-)
from the-grey-one :
when i finished writing it i was like, you know who is gonna like this one? darthuae. and then you left a note and i was much happy for it. thank you!
from the-grey-one :
Giiirrrll, you don't even know how well your writing pairs with six am coffee and cigarettes. Merci!
from frankie123 :
all this stressing over and picking at i'm doing to my skin is probably just making it worse. i'm gonna try a facial as well, i think that might be key xxx
from frankie123 :
the more time i spend sober the less capable i am of believing that "happiness" even really exists for anyone
from the-grey-one :
Don't lose the U! Neighbours without a u is just weird. Keep your language colourful darthuae. U's are legit.
from the-grey-one :
I'm in good company then!
from atwowaydream :
Of course, love. Just email me at inlethaldoses@aol.com for the password. My old computer died and I lost all of the passwords that were automatically stored, so if you could give me your key too, I'd very much appreciate it. You've always been one of my diaryland favorites.
from the-grey-one :
Oh goodness. You are so lovely your ownself. Thank you for relating and commenting <3
from frankie123 :
oh babe <3
from raschel :
Hm, strange thing was, that I tried to delete the note, but it didn't go away, I tried three times and started the thing new. Nada. :( I'm sorry!
from raschel :
Thank you! ♥ Deleted your note, as you wished.
from raschel :
Maybe I could get the magic words for the entry? Please!
from the-grey-one :
much love to you, your heart, and your words.
from gonzoprophet :
lmfao and they love you right fuckin back
from the-grey-one :
you did! thank goodness :)
from the-grey-one :
ahhh i am in withdrawal from your words darthuae! come back come back come back!
from atwowaydream :
(EEk. Left the below comment on the wrong diary. ::facepalm:: Sorry, love. btw: I truly do miss your writing, and that message is most certainly for you.)
from atwowaydream :
You are one of my true friends. Thank you so much for your words. Like, Srsly.
from frankie123 :
lock: cherry, key: peel!
from the-grey-one :
you don't have a password!!!? that cannot stand. email me at kira_o(at)live.com, i will send you one post haste!
from the-grey-one :
oh man do i love when you write!
from warpednormal :
any chance i could get your password? alex.palacol@gmail.com :❩
from boombasticat :
Yeah, the sadness slipping away, the way you said it, whammo.
from the-grey-one :
"the feeling of sadness slipping through your fingers without the decency of a comprehensible exit." that's right to the bare heart of it yes. love to you, your words, and your loss.
from gonzoprophet :
lmfao never hate to say something so damn awesome. i wish you naps on mountain tops, or whatever metaphorical equivalent would serve you best
from gonzoprophet :
then maybe you need something other than language...clay or paint or music or food or sculpture, some other medium to scrape your impressions into. that first line, whatever it's on, won't be pretty enough but let the need seize whatever's in your hands and it'll start to feel right. that's my wild person advice. and if it's only words that do it for you, then maybe start learning arabic, i think they say it's the language of poets. whoever 'they' is.
from gonzoprophet :
WOO!
from the-grey-one :
ack, girl. with your words. love em.
from notunique :
that's just for the days when tomorrow's gonna be awesome. normally I'm trying to fight off the passage of time by staying up into the early AM.
from boombasticat :
So to my great regret I for whatever reason have lost the password I'd need to read your diary. If I quick-posted an email address here could you quick-delete it after?
from gonzoprophet :
you, the world, sure thing, sugar. i'd love an updated passandkey myself but i still understand if you're not feelin that.
from i-lost-sarah :
:) I'm taking a vow of celibacy. I can't be a nun--but I'm pretty sure there are cat lady vows.
from gonzoprophet :
the red line of your updates mock me. my keys are broken. i understand. but it also is lame. i'd much rather creep all over your lovely rushes of words. but such is life
from the-grey-one :
also, i am randoming your diary and this "i'm sure my antidepressant is going like "no one prepared me for this." i also think that at one point someone used my coffee mug as an ashtray." makes me bust out loud laughing. <3 you're amazing.
from the-grey-one :
i am always so selfishly thrilled when you update, because your words give me the shivers and i cant help but re-read your lines over and over again. however i am sorry the content is so heavy sometimes, and that there is not more i can do but say, im sorry, and i love your writing..
from defaults :
i can't access your diary anymore. may i?
from the-grey-one :
yes. agreed. gonzo is missed.
from frankie123 :
me too
from integrating :
Hi. Are you still writing? The username and password I have no longer work. Email me at slicksundae@yahoo.com Thanks
from atwowaydream :
one to talk, pretty pretty.
from loveherwell :
may i get in as well?
from degausser :
Thanks for the add! May I have the password? mcdermott.c@hotmail.com
from the-grey-one :
I am not accostomed to real, but I found myself enjoying it. am I well? maybe. as well as the rest of us on here. which is varied and constantly in flux. and once again, can I just say, reading your entries while having a morning coffee and a cigarette always inspires me to want to write. to write better. your words, the portrayal of your thoughts.. so wondrously unique and enticing. thank you for sharing what you do, and how you do it.
from frankie123 :
i woke up this morning to a phone call from her relaying a threesome she just had with a guy and a girl: all she did was lie there while one ate her out and the other sucked her toes. i feel extremely (yet very oddly) proud, like the world's most inappropriate mother (encouraging this behaviour on a school night!)
from atwowaydream :
i guess that has more to do with attachment than belonging? i don't know. i'm an emotional robot so this is the end of this note.
from frankie123 :
"the ache to go out and seduce the entire planet and then cry myself to sleep because no one really loves me the way I imagine to be loved" -- !! i'm so glad that you're posting here regularly again
from atwowaydream :
nothing ever, ever belongs to any of us in the first place. at least, that's been my experience.
from atwowaydream :
evacuate the world, beautiful. we all find our ways without completely dissolving and turning inside out. i never go anywhere without a flashlight and a shovel.
from frankie123 :
gsharonkang@gmail.com (may i??) <3
from the-grey-one :
you are jaw-droppingly gorgeous!
from atwowaydream :
could you either send me your email address (again) with your newer password, as well, or find me on FB so I can introduce you properly, to my crazy?
from the-grey-one :
<3 i've got no real words, but .. <3
from the-grey-one :
dude don't even worry about it! i was insanely close to not emailing you back to the one you didnt email back to so it is all very much okay. i totally understand and relate.
from the-grey-one :
" i have to be fucking crazy, i have to hurt beauty," <3
from atwowaydream :
no plans of stopping. (thank you, love)
from frankie123 :
i keep brilliant gems like this on regular playback instead http://youtu.be/vg_NP0VP4FI
from defaults :
but isn't this just an extension of the real world, my love? we are all real people with real hearts that beat true rhythms. there is so much pretense, as though other people don't feel things too. but most people, they do. they have that kind of heart in there somewhere that only gets pulled out when the tough gets going. don't lose that kind of faith in the real world, in real people. we've got to believe in something.
from gonzoprophet :
i've never been a proponent of uniformity - i don't understand why that seems to be so prevalent. it's nice to see you around again, btw
from the-grey-one :
cheers!
from atwowaydream :
darling, you know I feel the same. your words are little arrows and they bullseye me every fucking time.
from msjessica :
I just noticed you left me a note, I'm guessing some time ago. Perhaps I checked it while under the influence or something, I don't remember it... Anyway - do you give out passwords? I'd love to see what you're about. Email is missjpulp@gmail.com . Thank you for your kind words xx
from frankie123 :
a moment that feels like respite when i see your name's red
from the-grey-one :
"oh how i want to wrap him in my neon mess and walk carelessly down the street with him" and a thousand other lines that had me reeling. seriously just, mind-blowing to read all the entries you put up today. the word visceral comes to mind. i pretty much think you are the coolest thing.
from defaults :
miss you around these parts, lady.
from the-grey-one :
ah yes! an epic entry with a most magnificent title.
from the-grey-one :
" want to scare myself to the end and resume functions that stray away from guilt and that heavy feeling i get in my tongue after a war on myself, from myself," <3
from secret-motel :
I think I would like living on your bookshelf or under your bed. I'm sure I would be in good company. Just be sure to dust my spine once in a while and dip my dogearred pages in wine.
from atwowaydream :
eep. you know you always have a place here with me. my favorite people in the world are light switches. all of them.
from defaults :
you always know exactly how to say it just right. yes, yes and yes.
from boombasticat :
I forgot about this password situation. I'm not real comfortable with leaving my email address, though. Is there some other way?
from defaults :
thank you.
from boombasticat :
I'd use a password if you had one to give.
from integrating :
just stopping by to wave and say hi. hope you're hanging in there.
from defaults :
may i please please please have a password? <3
from atwowaydream :
just always come back. we have candles.
from frankie123 :
i think you to be a rare sort of wonderful, and truly appreciate having your presence around this sentimental collective. i wanted to say
from the-grey-one :
"my obsession growing timid with years" exactly
from secret-motel :
I, too, miss my words. I don't write much of anything, these days. I hope that changes, soon. By the way, may I have a skeleton key? drowning13@hotmail.com
from notunique :
i hope you're working through it okay.
from frankie123 :
i hope yr still breathing and stuff
from atwowaydream :
::tap tap at your window:::
from gonzoprophet :
all cool kids lock their diaries lmfao lemme in, uae!
from integrating :
I like reading your diary. Please can I have the password? :)
from the-grey-one :
i dont understand it, but i will accept it and smile warmly about it!
from i-lost-sarah :
darling, do not let your brain eat away at a moment that made ME cream my pants vicariously. that being said, you write beautifully when it's gnawing. you do :)
from thenotebooks :
Hi,you used to read my diary "thenotebooks" but I deleted it. If you want to read my current diary it's "integrating". Thanks :)
from frankie123 :
you know i think we are such contrasting people. i always read your entries and think you would hate me if you ever met me. but i like who i think you are / diaryland-feelings this is all very strange to type
from i-lost-sarah :
enty ouchy good enty
from gonzoprophet :
the world, she screams at times. gonzo loves uae
from atwowaydream :
but you still love me, right?
from atwowaydream :
drunken lock-up. false alarm. you know the kind?
from loladesilva :
You can print whatever you like out. In all honesty the hour/hours(unsure) was/were a little distressing, that being said, I agree. Thank you.
from i-lost-sarah :
why can't i bump into you for coffee and listen and show you how much i love you so i don't have to stare at this stupid comment box and keep concluding that nothing i write will be as good as bumping into you for coffee and listening and showing you how much i love you
from loladesilva :
"No one place"
from atwowaydream :
sometimes the best thing to do is go home and "take the longest look at yourself, let your hair go down in curls, in front of no one, wear the two-finger ring that gives you a rash every time, and stare, as much as your eyes will let you." - You beautiful girl.
from i-lost-sarah :
i love that question. why do we have memory? i saw a documentary once about a man with only very short term memory. he functioned, well, mostly. he couldn't desire and he couldn't desire because he couldn't dream and he couldn't dream because he couldn't imagine and he couldn't imagine because he couldn't remember. but 'tiptoes' sums it up better :) i think what you think
from boombasticat :
You know, last night, all worked up on the inside, from midnight to two in the morning, I got out four pages. It happened in a white fog. It looks to me like a first chapter. Thanks for the encouragement.
from loladesilva :
"but for here here here. where my words come to faint and wake alarmingly in the folds of another's skin," thank you, thank you.
from the-grey-one :
"all i want right now is to find him and bury my head in his nonsense, for some beautiful time." amazing line! absolutely love it
from frankie123 :
oh beb you make me smile! but my heart is only mud
from frankie123 :
i was with a bipolar guy for a while once too, he'd dated a friend of mine before and was an absolute bitch to her but with me he was okay. i think because i sort of always was the one in control. every time he turns into a fat dick cad, treat him like one, it might get good; else remembr that there's many many beautiful non-crazy men out there too, just waiting for you.
from frankie123 :
if i were you i'd go for it
from the-grey-one :
" i digress on cigarettes and stray cats and oh look there's the moon and my incense always burning and going to bed wearing matching socks and then waking up to find them gone (?) (like you?)" nice darthuae! very nice.
from i-lost-sarah :
it's not easy to feel like a mother, it's selfless and loving in a way you can't justify to other people without sounding melodramatic-but it is selfless and loving. and i like you. and i like how you feel too much and all the time.
from frankie123 :
i think you're wonderful. did you bust it open or just crack the screen? one time me and some buddies smashed an 80s tv with an aluminum bat, it was so anticlimactic
from secret-motel :
Oh, I'm afraid all the time.
from frankie123 :
unable to stop rereading your entries i sort of felt like a creep so now i'm writing this note
from boombasticat :
It's a book you can devour. I loved it. He's way smarter than one might thing. I like your writing. It's wild and dark and soulful.
from the-grey-one :
" i know what the world owes me and it's a pathetic bag of misunderstandings with a ziplock theatre of nonsense." nice entry darthuae! very much a favorite of mine!
from atwowaydream :
"instead of saying "i had a dream that" just tell me what happened without referring to it as a dream" -abso-fuckin-lutely.
from i-lost-sarah :
okay desire to hug you has now turned into desire to stab myself. too. nice. dying. inside. thank you (why do i feel like an asshole for saying thank you?) yes, i'm in egypt, the media IS bs but so is everything else, no one knows what's going on and very few people will admit to that. they could be doing the macarena in pink tutus behind closed doors for all we know-i feel this is plausible, judging by the progress we haven't mad. mubby's in court but people are still protesting because military dictatorships are oddly like dictatorship-dictatorships. thank you again for what you said, i want to sew it into a pillow or frame it-you're adorable-i go die now :)
from frankie123 :
i can't decide whether or not we would get along in actual life. but should we ever find ourselves living not however far apart, i challenge you to a game of drunken scrabble.
from the-grey-one :
i know! me too. it is awesome
from notunique :
I disappointed a lot of people when I gave up on drawing. You should see some of my Spider-Man pictures though...siiickkkk.
from i-lost-sarah :
I LITERALLY SQUEALED WHEN I SAW YOUR COMMENT. nobody ever said i was tweet worthy before. i wish to hug you now. you made my day :)
from boombasticat :
I know the eighties movie you're talking about. I watched it for the first time a few months ago. And thanks for your note. I think I know what you're talking about re: autumn. A touch of sadness, some vividness, maybe? No matter what I do, it'll always come out that way, I suspect. Also, sorry about your bad day.
from atwowaydream :
you can borrogw anything you want. and i will spread it out for you like a little gilded duvet.
from atwowaydream :
i hate those days with unfiltered eyes, the world isn't ready for it. or we're not. anyhow, i send you love and little doodled hearts.
from gonzoprophet :
this is a giggling and crying only zone, in fact, you have no choice but to carry on, frightening and/or assimilating the people within a bare minimum radius of 25 ft.
from fairybones :
thank you so much, sugar. and sorry for scaring you! <3
from amazinfuckup :
of course, darling. nothing interesting these days, though. baby/boy
from frankie123 :
it has been raining grey and awful for a long time around here but, strangely enough, yesterday morning when i received your note the sky was actually clear, and today it even reached twenty degrees! you must've worked some kind of magic
from loladesilva :
The "whole entry" comment was towards yours, not mine, it meant the whole entry was good, just for clarification.
from loladesilva :
"these are sleepless nights and mornings that surge into 6pms without warning. i want green fields that taste like coffee, grass-geometry crushing in your mouth" That whole entry really The butcher thought etc etc entry was written on actually a quite unrealistic, maybe realistic day. But as much as I didnt like that entry, Your comment made me decide to keep it as well as a slight smile(which is one of the best).
from the-grey-one :
"all i really want is a quiet room filled with wrecked up/cynical people" indeed! also i loved april 30th, it was the perfect sentence for me to read this morning.
from atwowaydream :
:::tethers you down with cotton candy::: If you haven't, you should watch Factory Girl. (much love, always)
from gonzoprophet :
i'll believe your suburban myths so long as you tell them to me by a fire
from avantbedroc :
"growing up i kept secrets like a coffin" mmm, so good :-) i hope you are well my dear
from frankie123 :
'a une raison' by rimbaud. it's always nice to start the day with him in mind
from atwowaydream :
only if you don't mind surrealistic waking dreams, darling.
from fairybones :
are you really serious?! because if you are, i'm not creeped out, just extremely flattered. i feel like such a stupid girl half the time, i don't understand how anyone could stand reading anything i write, but i'm glad i'm at least amusing somebody (or, i guess, a few people). <3 ps. i love your brain too!
from frankie123 :
:)
from atwowaydream :
fill that box. drop it like it's hot.
from the-prude :
i welcome you! WRITE
from frankie123 :
write something, darth. i keep looking for your name to turn red.
from the-prude :
write. inspire.
from atwowaydream :
take your time, silly. I'm not an email nazi.
from boombasticat :
My favorites from the past few years are Everything Is Illuminated and Never Let Me Go. Or Martin Dressler by Steven Millhauser, which is about hotel-building in turn-of-the-century New York, but which is more exciting than that.
from gonzoprophet :
Definitely - at times, every word is significant, chosen with such intention and confidence...i hope it suits you and isn't too gloomy. i remember being quite entertained but i admit to being a fairly twisted individual.
from gonzoprophet :
if you haven't read it, i think you would like lullaby by c. palahniuk
from frankie123 :
i am shining love and hugs your way, wherever you are.
from defaults :
oh your soul. you are incredible.
from atwowaydream :
if you need to write or whatever: inlethaldoses@aol.com I'm a magical listener! Also I'm mental. This equates to an unexpected fun time.
from boombasticat :
Beautiful stuff, especially that last line. I'm sorry for your loss.
from frankie123 :
that's a really big compliment, i think, from somebody who writes with such magic. i always read your entries over and over and over
from notunique :
hahaha, you love my brother.
from atwowaydream :
"i cold drink a case of you and still be on my feet" ♥
from boombasticat :
I'm sure you're right, darth-united-arab-emirates (what I think when I see your name) about the nature of touches on the arm. Of course you're right.
from atwowaydream :
you made me smile three times within three seconds. Which was a big consecutive grin. you're very dear to me, truly. ♥
from frankie123 :
wow, thank you.
from atwowaydream :
"we're spectators at the gallows pole" -- sometimes, your writing takes my breath away.
from strayrecluse :
i just went cold turkey. i do not give a fuck anymore. they've controlled my life for too long.
from secret-motel :
All is well here. A lot of stuff in my diary is just writing and does not necessarily reflect my own life and true state of mind.
from atwowaydream :
i can't really say how much that means to me. thank you so much, darling.
from atwowaydream :
You're so beautiful... you're someone I really do wish I knew in "real life".
from atwowaydream :
I would share with you, silly. PS: the hamster beanie is a boy so he won't eat his own babies. Just for your peace of mind.
from minstrelite :
navigationally.
from minstrelite :
Are you the-prude or darthuae or both? I just got navigtionally confused in a way that reminded me of some sort of maze or labyrinth. Anyway, I came to thank you for reminding me of Khalil Gibran. I needed that right now. As a result, I have the chapter "Reason and Passion" (from *The Prophet*) open on another window. You write very well, by the way. It never ceases to amaze me how intelligent the average DiaryLand user is, compared to most other people, on most other sites. Thanks again.
from the-prude :
How can I not love you, you flensing being!
from boombasticat :
"Nothing to bite on to muffle the noise inside my head." Just fantastic.
from frankie123 :
'course, fire/fly <3
from tofalldivine :
darthuae:cherry. Thanks!
from atwowaydream :
aw, i love you too. i think you're absolutely beautiful. and i'm always clicking on your name as soon as i've seen that you've updated. your words are golden.
from atwowaydream :
i hope you find those foggy London streets. i can see you mesmerizing the twilight vapors. your words are always so lovely. i love reading you.
from boombasticat :
Write the words? I like the images. I'd read it.
from axde :
love, your face is absolutely beautiful. i wish i could keep you with me somehow. <33
from boombasticat :
Wow: "...merely lined-up post-it note instructions of how to do everything beautifully."
from avantbedroc :
thanku for the present. you are beautiful
from avantbedroc :
:-) hello! i'm so happy; i thought i pissed you off some way and i was sh-sh-shunned!!
from alienamiss :
Mmm.. what a tasty template. Must be the hour (12:45 AM; BC, Canada)?
from notunique :
he's the manliest man boy.
from frankie123 :
it was the good stuff, too, which is crazy. sometimes i get crazy lucky.
from byebeautiful :
Thank you! I've been searching for a new diary to peep, looks like I've found it.
from frankie123 :
i like to stare at it when i'm really tired. or baked.
from frankie123 :
you know sometimes you write so much like bob dylan used to sound
from atwowaydream :
sometimes i think this whole place feels like home more than anything else. i always read you, and am usually left quite breathless afterward.
from atwowaydream :
the gypsy analogy is beautiful. i hope you've been able to annihilate or tame some of those demons. i hope your heart stops breaking. i know the feeling.
from atwowaydream :
coming from you, silver-tongue darling, even a fraction of that means the world to me.
from the-prude :
I love you
from the-prude :
I miss you when are we gonna run away and leave all this nonsense behind us... Get high, drink tea, make hippie friends, buy that farm and plant together under the blue sky I want to hold your hand, I want to skip like a jolly person<Br> let's get rip together so we can I don't know, what do rip ppl do? I guess it could be our way of reassuring the crowds that we're tough enough, and ready <br> we must have the reading room, and the library. I want a sun room and lots of plants all around
from axde :
i love how you describe that guy. i love it.
from atwowaydream :
it is amazing how easily it is to slip into the wilderness of a stranger's words. i love all of my friends here, and i always look forward to your thoughts.
from atwowaydream :
i miss your pretty words. don't get lost in the fog.
from glass-slide :
"Less and less people." -is that really so bad, socializing is somewhat overrated. But then again, I may have misunderstood.
from suta :
Happy new year love. Don't bother. Nothing is the same. Nobody will be the same.
from atwowaydream :
a toast to beat poetry and wild, gleaming cities. Happy New Year's! :)
from avantbedroc :
i hope trouble finds you on n.y.e ;-)
from avantbedroc :
argh! IN! IN! i need you IN!!
from suta :
Hey kid, thanks =) but Ill not be gone, don't worry. If I feel the need to write something, Ill just write it. But right now I notice I am forcing myself to write something. And its either about my self security or it is love talk. And it annoys me, when reading it. I guess its good, cause that means I feel good. So only real writing from now on. That's why I take a break. =) So Ill be around.
from nakedpride :
Your new profile = spectacular.
from atwowaydream :
"i only know that i stay in bed an hour longer almost every time i wake up just thinking, thinking, thinking, and then looking at the sky and feeling sea sick," the sky does that, huh?
from avantbedroc :
hey hey. praise to gladness :-)
from reasonxaway :
thank you. :)
from axde :
oh, my dear friend, i have not been ignoring your notes. i'm slow in checking them. can i ask you something, though? something that i feel weird about, cause i know other people will read this, too, when i really only want it to be you. do you feel like anyone's ever touched you, really, other than authors and people too incomparable to think of? i'm just curious and i feel i can ask you that. i don't think i've ever felt very shaken by others physically close to me like i should. i just learned it recently. you, my friend, better be well, and know that despite physical incapacity, you have obliterated my mind many times. thank you, thank you, thank you.
from nakedpride :
Also, I'm female, straight, 25 and work at UCLA if that makes anything 'better'...
from nakedpride :
I've been reading you for a few months now. Can't remember who I found you through, probably secret-motel. I noticed you're in CA, perhaps LA? I'm in LA and if you're in LA, maybe we can chat and see about meeting at a place with tea/coffee?
from suta :
Love is something weird anyway =P
from suta :
Maybe it's cause its old happiness. We used to be together before. He used to be my first love. Yes I think this is how it is supposed to be. But how many things are as they should be? Good things are followed by bad things. Bad things followed by good.
from suta :
Haha, you were probably thinking about two things at the same time.
from suta :
You too kid =) How have you been?
from atwowaydream :
i'm glad i'm not the only one tucks others in.
from spires :
i wish i could write half as well as you. i hope things get better.
from sinistaken :
breathe. let me be the calm breeze in the chamber of your beautiful heart. breathe.
from moonsocket :
eff a bluejay!!
from i-lost-sarah :
effort upon effort upon effort :) (my new pw is fuckthecave-- don't ask)
from spires :
kerouac!
from axde :
you are everything all at one time.
from axde :
i wish you were tactfully placed in my living room right now. i dont know anyone i'd rather have a conversation with.
from breathe-salt :
i adored your 10/30 entry, really lovely.
from sinistaken :
I wouldn't be so sure that i would never understand, its a new world im in, but im learning, to the point of where i surprise myself sometimes.
from sinistaken :
I wouldn't be so sure that i would never understand, its a new world im in, but im learning, to the point of where i surprise myself sometimes.
from sinistaken :
the world can't touch you.
from sinistaken :
a perfect circle surrounds my heart with peace and joy...
from warpednormal :
haha. oh to losing my mind <3
from permeation :
Hi, Permeation is closed. If I start any new projects, I'll let you know, xxx
from greentealeaf :
oh my, i just realised there was a note from you. well now you have two from me. :)
from greentealeaf :
that was a lovely entry.
from atwowaydream :
it's wonderful to know that somewhere, in some universe, I actually make sense. Bruises can be so pretty. . . just let them bleed.
from suta :
=) whats up kid
from axde :
you will lie beneath the grandest of skies, and only you will be worthy enough to notice.
from secret-motel :
Ah, I've always been mixed up and have never played right.
from fairybones :
*uselessness.
from fairybones :
oh, thank you, that's sweet of you to say. i was wondering if anybody actually bothered with my run on sentences of useless. and i pretty well do drink tea all day.
from secret-motel :
Well, thank goodness for the braille dots. Not because it's so dark in there, but because it's so bright.
from moonsocket :
indeed, it most certainly does! x
from suta :
Cheer up love! And get better soon. =) Listen to some Spoon.
from likeuggboots :
Thanks. I actually sent an email with a list of usernames to the address he gave and have not heard back. I am sure something will come of it though. ^_^
from axde :
maybe it was along the lines of "hey, i'm coming to alabama this weekend!" and i probably would have responded, "wonderful! i will have cigarettes and good weather stored up." and then, well, i guess your imagination gets to figure out the rest while you're sleeping.
from spires :
wow--thank you! you seriously just made my day. now i can sit here and memorize sugar diagrams in content. your prose by the way is beautiful. i think i just read through your entire diary. and in my dehydration let me tell you just how much i liked it.
from axde :
keep that head where i can see it, you.
from defaults :
what a man. i came across him when i read a short story of his in a picture book that i found in a dusty old library a few years back. hooked.
from i-lost-sarah :
username: ilostsarah pw: artofdying (yes i'm sad and addicted to plath) i wouldn't wake you. i just kind of wish you'd knock me out with a frying pan so i could dream too.
from notunique :
I think you're superfly.
from ifiliedown :
I highly recommend it. It's a beautifully written book.
from raven72d :
I love ancient hotel rooms.
from raven72d :
i will be reading along, i think. feel free to drop by my journal anytime...and i always love notes.
from raven72d :
wonderful writing.
from ifiliedown :
you write beautifully.
from i-lost-sarah :
i'm turning that last entry into a theme song if you don't mind :) (and sweet girl, you do absurd beautifully but what you declared was closer to soft, closer to warm--thank you)
from permeation :
Thank you, ever so much. x
from axde :
you are something only a mountain can contain
from axde :
like a little firefly
from suta :
*huggle*
from secret-motel :
Who, who, who is that woman pumping gas? She looks like the best roadtrip companion ever.
from axde :
that is a mighty thing to say--something i'm not sure i deserve to be told, but thank you for your words. i think of you too. i imagine you posted up somewhere with the finest tea in a cup with a broken handle and a novel in your lap, wearing some kind of beanie in the right weather, and thoughts swirling around. i used to see this girl at school who reminded me of you. i used to want to talk to her because of it, but i never did. i just wanted to know what she'd say and if we'd be great friends.
from axde :
only if i can ask the same of you.
from i-lost-sarah :
you head swirls to my taste. somewhere between a tire swing and too much vodka. medicine suffragettes and mothers-- mary poppins!
from suta :
You talk for me sometimes.
from axde :
i think we all have our roles, even people who aren't so good. i've had my share of shitty teachers as well. i don't know why some of them go into it at all. i think it's a calling for a life inspired, not a fairly indifferent degree. i think they forget the point is to teach and help. sometimes they just give you some pages from a book and set you off. laziness never works out for anybody. but even the bad teachers i still think have their place. sometimes we need bad teachers, so the really good ones stick out more. or maybe we need bad teachers so we'll enjoy graduation that much more... who knows
from axde :
god, teachers are beautiful people sometimes. never pointless.
from i-lost-sarah :
the sobbing romantic is back from the dead. hi :) i missed you
from axde :
i think if your words were a food they would be my favorite thing to eat. thats probably one of the weirdest things i've ever said.
from suta :
a wave of useless nihilism. I liked what you wrote the other day too =) Also saw that you changed your diary. It's nice. It's nicer to read this way. I should change mine sometime too. I didn't for almost 5 years =P
from suta :
You love what?
from axde :
goodness, you. "did i manage to fall in love with someone, anyone, without hurting my head?" i hope to not leave this note as a reference to myself, but that is exactly what i want to do in my life. it would appear to me that everything is hurting my head, especially love, and it always has. i'm a maniac during it, and a lonely soul without it. can't there be middle ground? i don't know. i don't pretend to understand all of what you speak of. you know this of everyone, i'm sure. i hope you're well. i sincerely do. and the wayward bus is a wonderful book.
from suta :
I call it breathing. Life is something that we still need to experience.
from axde :
oh geez, that's quite a compliment as you are an avid reader. wouldnt it be nice if we could sit down and have some drinks somewhere, take a load off, chat for hours. i envision a good time.
from axde :
i will say i believe there is a sort of oasis out there... you'll find it all before deciding to quit. it's evident enough that you are still in the game. that's all i can hope for.
from axde :
and may you always be heard.
from axde :
I LOVE THAT
from axde :
oh, you. try the "fuck it" technique and walk at the pace you will.
from the-prude :
Every night in my dreams,I see you, I feel you. That is how I know you... far across the distance and spaces between us :) I guess you're making me pay for my neglectfulness. but just know, that I have some odd feeling that can never fade towards you. its filled with joy, motivation, expressions, feelings, and everything nice and sweet. every expressive your words are for what "his" words can do, I'm kinda jealous.. for some reason, it could be my screen or just my four eyes, I get all digzay eyes from the black and white layout of your blog. i want you to apply yo YAL. not Yale, YAL. Search it. Make Canada you destination. In my heart you'll always be <3 - The lovers Prude.
from suta :
sure
from suta :
okay, as soon as I read all the books I am reading now and get to go to the library I will rent some books of him =)
from suta :
which book should I read?
from suta :
*pats on head*
from suta :
*smirk* well thanks. Now I am definately blushing. I read your diary too, I see myself in what you write. It's funny. Do you have msn? mesoron@hotmail.com add me sometime, if you like
from suta :
Why do you think so?
from college-kid :
Wow, "So you want to be a writer" makes SO much sense. I love it.
from suta :
Thanks a lot =) and yeah, it doesn't make sense indeed
from axde :
how valid do you think handwriting transparency is? i'd like to read a book about it and know everything about everybody who signs a receipt in front of me.
from college-kid :
Can't move out just yet, sadly. Now is not a good transition period. I'm hoping for this summer... fingers crossed.
from secret-motel :
I GUESS--so long as you use quotation marks and properly cite my diary as the source. With that, you might as well use a Hallmark card. Listen: I've read your entries. You're more than capable of coming up with your own stellar lines. You don't need my sub-par words OR Hallmark. You have your own unique vision and your own unique way of expressing it. Seize the day!
from axde :
i think you're right
from axde :
happy late birthday
from axde :
i dont want the world to change. thats the thing. everything is right in the world, in my mind. even wrong things. you know? i dont know. i'd change myself. i'd be invulnerable to bad feelings i don't understand and i'd be better at seeking out peace. somehow. i dont know. some people find peace in religion, some in drinking, some in drugs, some in love, some in work, or whatever, and i just haven't found any of those things to really give me chills after a few years of knowing it. i want peace of a lasting and finer quality. i dont know that its possible. ill find out. i bet if i had to ask everyone about it i could get the best goddamn answer of the whole lot from anthony bourdain.
from secret-motel :
Yeah, that's the kind of job where they wouldn't even have to PAY me. I could take the samples I don't use and sell them in the subway.
from axde :
i want sadness enough to sit in my spine and keep me yearning for something, but not so much that it's blinding. but right now i just feel sick. "my mind is grinding like a steel gear, baby. i gotta cover some ground."
from axde :
oh my god. all of that. i have no words.
from axde :
it'd be great i think. it certainly is a way to feel free. i mean, even if you hurt someone's feelings, you've given them something to work out in their minds. my friend told me the other day that she went home and cried after i told her she wouldnt "get it" if she read this book, but the truth is i don't feel entirely bad for it, and i think the only reason she told me it upset her so much was because she wished i'd revoke the statement, or at least make it sound prettier. the truth is i think honesty is an angel dressed up like the devil. we should be thankful to behold it and others should be thankful to be in its presence.
from axde :
my god i want to write down everything you say all the time. i dont know how you do it. that head of yours is just glorious and angelic and your fingers are nice enough to breed it.
from secret-motel :
Nick Drake makes everything better, especially in the dead hours of morning.
from axde :
there've been plenty of times where i just left. i made this resolution, though, to say what i mean even if i don't like what i have to say, and even if other people don't like it. i think it will force me to have good things to say. anyway. i am glad that you are someone who is, i guess, shaken enough to pay attention.
from axde :
true, indeed. i'm not saying anything more than that cause i would rather not make you cry, haha.
from findinggo :
I think this weather is killing us all. When will the sun come back to stay?
from axde :
i would love to dress up and go nowhere with you. though, i really don't have many dress up clothes. i wish i could love the circus. now i'm just kind of scared to go back. i think i'd rip away some magic i still might believe in. that's one reason i dont like going back to places that were big when i was little. i know they won't be big at all anymore.
from findinggo :
I dig your words, too, dude. I understand them. In a kindred kind of way.
from axde :
darthuae, i hope you know that i would give the whole world to have things turn out the way you want them to. i'd bring ol' jack back to life because i believe you'd both be fully suited for another, i believe you'd mold each other. he seems unmovable doesnt he, somehow? it'd be good. and i'd give just about my whole soul to see things make a bit of sense, to see that head of yours know and understand joy forever... joy that doesnt fade. thats the problem with things. they always fade. good or bad. nothing is really as relentless as we want it to be. i guess everything gets tired. anyway. thank you for existing. really.
from axde :
i spose a pristine amount of weakness is beautiful. makes us exactly what we are. human, not god-like, not righteous... but mistaken and scared and ridden with shortcomings. i like being built with that kind of fabric. do you think people who don't need answers are strong? i would like to hear your thoughts on that. ive always felt that they were either too daft to require answers for anything that isn't tangible and present or just wise enough to realize there aren't many real answers out there to take hold of so the getting is just a futile fight. but iono. "it's nice to think that the sun shines on everything new for a change." so terribly true. i think that's the anti-suicide in my life. im glad to be back, though truly i wasnt REALLY gone. i wanted to be but it didn't work. i miss when your updates were so frequent. diaryland is just so quiet lately.
from axde :
madam, i believe in everything you just said about marriage. i agree and refuse to contend, but, perhaps weakly, i have learned that the gridding out of ourselves through interpersonal connections makes me realize my strengths and weaknesses best.. selfish? probably. but i need someone i am required to impress, who can keep me in check, who i can bounce ideas off of, because i never feel crazier than when i am left to my own devices. i get really ridiculous ideas in my mind... reality is nonexistant in those times, and i feel that i need reality just a little bit or else i'll be just about ready to die because of questions my mind doesn't know how to answer. you are most definitely stronger than me for not requiring or desiring it. but i don't want to live my life knowing it's because i've got weaknesses that i got married. i want to know it's cause i have the capacity to expand into another person's life and exist for a reason other than my own happiness. i need to know i can do that.
from axde :
oh, youre kind. im still around. im not even gone indefinitely. i always come back to this place. and ill still be reading you. im probably addicted anyway. cant quit you cold turkey.
from axde :
no more 19. when is your turn?
from college-kid :
That made perfect sense. :) Thank you.
from axde :
i spend a lot of time wondering about you, ya know. i hope youre well.
from axde :
i like that i spelled it "altar". just noticed. your beautiful beautiful mind, i think, is part of the IT i spend so much time dwelling on.
from college-kid :
How very poetic. I like.
from axde :
if i could altar that i would.
from axde :
come back. also. i think you are one of the most brilliant brilliant people who has ever lived. also. come back.
from axde :
it felt like it usually does. it's usually an every day thing. get worked up at night, sleep it off, wake up feeling fairly refreshed but still like i have too much to think about at once and then try to ignore it for the rest of the day. it's nothing new and it never works permanently. just enough to get me through the day. again, you might know what i mean. anyway. i hope youre doing well out there in la la land.
from axde :
i think you and i have a lot to talk about. i think we could get somewhere. where is irrelevant. just somewhere. i think you know what i mean.
from axde :
beautiful and true. did you write that?
from axde :
what for?
from stevedabear :
Thanks for the ref. steve
from axde :
glad to see you've been updating so much. something i always look forward to. now it's just a great surprise.
from suta :
I need that goddamn drivers license too
from luckyjinx :
Exactly. The road and the words, nothing else...
from axde :
oh, you...
from the-prude :
if my heart is a cloud, then you are the sky I linger in <3
from under-da-sun :
yes dear I suppose it is :)
from axde :
ya know, i think i love you
from axde :
that sounds horrible. and i don't know what you mean by trying to live backwards.
from axde :
on the contrary. im also 19 and know the 19 year old brain fairly well... it's just surprising, in a good way. the book was a grief observed by c.s. lewis. i read it when i was 14 or 15 and recently decided to re-read it for all different reasons. back then i read it out of religious curiosity. this time it was to learn more about the psychological part of it.
from axde :
i cannot believe youre 19...
from offence :
Thanks! :)
from axde :
well you are too kind, mister. it isn't your words that i like though, i think it's your mind. the origin of the words, i am interested in. i think i'd like to have walked the path you've walked.
from axde :
i think reading you is my favorite part of the day, or week, or whatever. well, im lying, but i sure do like reading, regardless.
from elliestuff :
nice clouds.
from luckyjinx :
Hey. I locked up my diary. If you want a password, email me, luckyjinx at diaryland.
from i-lost-sarah :
of course i don't mind. you seem smart and kind. (the rhyming makes me wince too) this is my e-mail address: bear.named.sar@gmail.com please add me so i have an excuse to incessantly babble about my problems in real-time
from i-lost-sarah :
uh oh... well, let's put it this way-- i'm neither philistine nor literati and elitism of any form is no fun :)
from i-lost-sarah :
the human right to feel that i'm responsible for what you're already welcome to whether i tell you or not? thanks i'll pass :) i'm so happy you enjoyed the entry, it really cheered me up ps, i believe you to be insane, i believe everybody to be mad. i believe those who acknowledge it are less mad, and i believed kurosawa when he said 'in a mad world, only the mad are sane'
from i-lost-sarah :
sorry, which entry did you thank me for? you don't have to say why :) and you're welcome, i think... i never feel like i have the right to say you're welcome, feels self-deifying, is that a word? i shut up now.
from the-prude :
Take that! <br> I did it my self! i am a SUPERHERO! Or heroine?? :D
from suta :
I write to no one in particular, maybe some sort of imaginary person, but it always makes me feel better.
from suta :
yeah, I guess I am lucky being born in the netherlands...oh well...and I've my times feeling really bad...but lately it is over soon, so no worries =) How are you doing?
from suta :
see that you want to visit the netherlands too =)
from the-prude :
Love love love. That's you. Love. It hurts me when ever I think of how my love is in the wrong place. I wish you were in a carefree environment. You would love it. You know, all that materialism is what turned me off about moving back? other than that, I was so ready to move back last summer. Dude, are you serious about not being able to take lit courses just because of your A-levels? That is insane! Oh, but I have a question.. Does PI even offer lit classes? No offense or anything.. :P I am glad you're enjoying driving.. At least I think you are? I am getting kind of excited about working on my driving license now. Your prayers are needed. <3
from the-prude :
Hey lovey, the first part, the green benches love and all, made me smile :) I can still smell thos benches. And the brown dotted floors. Ahhhh, thos were the good old days. I am in the study lounge on my floor studying for my Algebra test tomorrow. I feel kinky, and it's annoying me. The other day a girl on my floor was talking abt how she 'started young.' got her 'first kiss, tongue and all in KG/grade 2' (Can't remember which she said) tongue and all, we all asked?? How does that happen? Apparently they were 'smooching' after school, and an other boy comes up and sees them, and he says why don't you stick your tongue in there? So he did, haha. I don't know it made me laugh. Corrupting the youth I tell you. Never let thos little material things get to you. The other day my roommate said something i liked... We were talking abt all the ditsy people we know, and how they have everything, and then she goes like wouldn't tit be cool if you get things based on your knowledge/smartness/intellectualism?? Miss you tons. Let's make a list of countries and cities we would like to visit. <3
from the-prude :
Darthuae, I know you already know this, but I don't think I say it enough... i love you, and I want to grow old knowing you, I want you to be that person I was friends with in grade school, and that first person that is going to be there for me when I get married, right now, I seriously don't want anyone else as a friend but you. You don't understand how hurt I am from the world, it's so cruel. I want to give it all up, just me and you. I want to have the tea party with you... I want to sit knee to knee, too. I am crying, and it's only 10:32am. I am sick of everything, I don't want to call anyone my friend anymore. No one matters, I just want everyone to leave me the fuck alone, I wish I was a selfish whore that cared about no one but her self, why is it so hard to be like that? Please, never put me down... I am always here for you, you're the only one that exists as a friend, a lover, a sister, and of course a whore (:P) from now on... And I love you more than I have loved anyone as thos three combined! *sigh* I feel better now :)
from suta :
It's guitar tabs...I play guitar too. Which song is it?
from suta :
It's guitar tabs...I play guitar too. Which song is it?
from suta :
I think pictures can say a lot. But if you make a photo, it shouldn't expected. People smiling fake on a photo don't say anything either. Time to update my profile I guess
from suta :
same for me. Prefer writing on paper. I am doing art academy here... and I am still the old fashioned on paper illustrator =) I was thinking about adding you too. And what depends the writing in my diary...just write the stuff in my head down, so I dont need to think of it anymore. I've my good and my bad moments, I guess. But the good moments aren't really in my diary.
from suta :
well, I am not writing for no reason for several years =) I see you are at diaryland for quite a while too and that you like bob dylan, he is really nice. I didn't update my profile anymore since 2004 =P
from suta :
I know, but that doesn't satisfy me. Does that fact satisfy you?
from thenotebooks :
I think you're cool. ;)
from the-prude :
we're going to be the happiest, and most magikal people on earth. and the best part? no one is going to know our little seeekret to happiness and a carefree life. :) they're going to spend their lives wondering... until our world becomes a reality.
from thenotebooks :
Thanks dude :) You sound like my twin, if I had one. I'd better keep an eye on you.
from pondlife :
Your choice of authors impress. There's a new On The Road in bookstores now, the whole, unedited scroll.
from the-prude :
You're my idol.
from tofalldivine :
username/password is just guest/tofalldivine. Sorry it isn't a very satisfying read these days
from tofalldivine :
The random german made me far to happy.
from the-prude :
You and I... We're connected in more ways than we both could have ever imagined. It really is love.
from janeygodley :
thnaks for your kind comments
from virtualcrack :
i like to reject the outside's influence too...today was so rewarding cause an ex at work criticized my outfit and I was like, "well I like this, so you can SUCK IT UP, Jake Myer!" haha. fashion is like art.
from luckyjinx :
I know that I have the same feeling when I finish a really hard equation and when I take a really beautiful photograph.
from luckyjinx :
I've been an engineering major, and art, and physics and linguistics. I couldn't handle Intro to Mechanics or series in Calc 3, but I did learn one thing. Art and science are very much the same thing. They appear different but at the most basic level they are the same.
from tofalldivine :
I'm sorry to hear that. I hope your day gets better or at least that it does not make you suffer too long.
from virtualcrack :
i sent it again, subject "password to virtualcrack"
from tofalldivine :
I'm not sure but there must be something or someplace where we can. The morning doesn't work as well as I'd like to think.
from virtualcrack :
did u get it? alas you are overseas, in Germany that country I've dreamt of entering for years now. I can't wait to hear news aus Deutschland.
from virtualcrack :
you haved been emailed the key to consuming my words.
from japanesegum :
yeah, sort of ironic that the one thing that separates us from other animals...you know the whole abstact thinking/tool use idea...was the beginning and (i think) soon to be ending of mankind...
from virtualcrack :
of course u can ask...but how did u find my diary in the first place?
from tofalldivine :
Yes, I think it is probably far too true for people's liking. Maybe it is because we just can't look objectively at our own lives but can do so with everyone else's. Who knows.
from tofalldivine :
If I had anything meaningful to say I'd email it. Unfortunately even calculus has abandoned the great destructive brain. And as we both know, if calculus is afraid then all hope is lost.
from tofalldivine :
Does that make calculus a zombie? I really hope so because that would explain a few things. Somedays I wish the brain eating was a quicker process though.
from fuckxthis :
we're fucking working on it. ; ) fxt
from taciturn :
yeah, funny chick. glad you liked it.
from jpop :
tim mcgraw also does! who is this? if you want to remain anonymous you can email me at jeffreyowens@gmail.com
from jadedspade :
:) Thank you. Will you help me with HTML & all that fun stuff? I really thought it was time to finally start a journal again, keep track of my thoughts yeknow? k... <3

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