messages to elegantfreak:
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from hangover :
I'm not dead
from penisface :
Don't kill yourself.
from katanabright :
So I stop by the old hood ( I've been at Writer's Cafe for a while) and what do I see? My friend is singing the 'Deacon Blues' chorus ( drink Scotch whiskey all night long, die behind the wheel) only in real life we don't die at that canyon bottom; we wake up with one eye, tubes, and no lower body, yippee... but I am sorry you've had it that bad. Yeah - as Odd Thomas says, life is hard, but somehow we get through it. If you need me I'm still around; and at the Cafe, I'm julian3. Hang in there. Just for spite, if nothing else.
from katanabright :
those dreams can wear on you like an anvil around the neck, or an albatross around the soul. Thinking of you.
from katanabright :
do they not have a 'teaching hospital' in a city near you? The ones here, in the UAB complex, have programs for anyone who doesn't have insurance, and the doctors are first rate! Maybe you could look into it!
from elvisload :
It’s great you write anonymously, I mean with your guestbook not working anyway… I wonder if you know how many people you help with your journal. I mean, I bet a lot of people read your honest account and are helped by it... I do.
from katanabright :
!
from katanabright :
I know the kind of swamp coolers you refer to but in some parts of the South here, a swamp cooler is a Mason jar with ice, green Gatorade, lime slices and an ounce each of white rum and vodka. After two, you don't really notice if it is hot or not; after three you are not conscious of temperatures. But they are for medicinal use only ;o)
from katanabright :
Wow. Enough wisdom to put into a book. A short one, but still...a step sideways is not that bad, I know a lot of crabs who have had decent lives doing that! See? Always a silver lining. And maybe you've now cleared the brush out of the way in this crapfest we call life. No point giving up, and if you're looking for a change, may I suggest a pair of red Doc Martens, close cropped or even shaved head and red suspenders? I'm still on your side, and my email is still open to you any time. Stay strong.
from katanabright :
Hey, thank you - I'll hang if you will :o)
from katanabright :
Beats me. I'm almost gone, myself.
from katanabright :
BTW - a little smile for you - look how many of my contacts here have disappeared or haven't posted in forever... hi katanabright, here is your buddy list (users marked in red have updated since the last time you checked this buddy list page). The "new" links will open the diaries in a new window, so that when you come back to this page the updated links are still in red. buffylass profile - diary (new) - updated 2 days ago. DungSpittle profile - diary (new) - updated more than 3 months ago. elegantfreak profile - diary (new) - updated 6 days ago. flufflebunny profile - diary (new) - updated 61 days ago. goldustwoman profile - diary (new) - updated more than 3 months ago. lethr.vxen88 profile - diary (new) - updated more than 3 months ago. misselyssa profile - diary (new) - updated 6 hours ago. nightdragon profile - diary (new) - updated 9 days ago. PinkJelly Puke profile - diary (new) - updated more than 3 months ago. randomrabbit profile - diary (new) - updated 22 hours ago. squirrelrat profile - diary (new) - updated 3 days ago. the-moo profile - diary (new) - updated 8 days ago. Wurmy-Boy666 profile - diary (new) - updated more than 3 months ago.
from katanabright :
you still know how to reach me / home email if you need me. Even though I'm over at Gather a little more, and hardly here are all, I still try to check in to see how you are...
from cherryjjones :
Hmm, I'm a mommy and I avoid those blogs too. Too chipper, too in love with all things domestic. Where are the fractured, warped weirdos who are holding themselves together with duct tape and bungee cords? Where are the dark & dreary fiends whose home life is a gloss of icing on a hot cake, readying itself to slide onto the plate and dissolve into a puddled mess? Soulless skin reflector! Or 2-dimensional pit of despair. Point is, not every mommy and wife is housed, well-loved, thoroughly sexed-up and writhing in bliss. Take heart.
from katanabright :
So sorry for your loss; if you need to reach me at home, you know how.
from katanabright :
you don't always get a second chance, so unless you are serious and you really do want to die from heart attack, or maybe just stroke out and spend the next 30 years or so drooling silently in a chair, you might want to see a doc soon and get the full workup. I've been there, remember?
from katanabright :
Yes, it would!
from katanabright :
"This existence has turned into one drawn out un-funny joke" But wait'll you hear the punch line ;o)
from katanabright :
Well, no one ever accused you of not being sufficiently cryptic ;o)
from katanabright :
Hope you feel better soon....
from elvisload :
It took you until the tender age of what now?... 30?... to realize that maybe the armed forces recruiters said that to everybody..?... jesus... you will need massive luck in this new venture.
from katanabright :
FWIW - in my world the diff in a lie and an omission or whatever, is that a lie is a statement or action which the teller knows to be untrue, yet he or she tells it for the purpoise of manipulating another person by deception, for one's personal benefit or advantage. And I'm glad you're shedding some of those fears, just jumping in and 'going'. All the best to you!
from katanabright :
Well, I suppose I could encourage you with the old saying that if you live each day on earth as if it was your last, one day you'll be right! And being full of crap is not that bad, after all, it IS organic!! Still - I send a virtual hug and warm thoughts your way...
from katanabright :
Hmmmm... I guess the nice thing about apathy is that it can only go so far then it seems to limit itself. But fwiw, I do send the best and warmest thoughts your way and hope for better.
from katanabright :
well - the 'ebst ' didn't help. I should have sent the 'best'. I take full responsibility. The fault is all mine.
from katanabright :
Wow! When you decide to wade knee deep into the crap meleee, you Just Do It, dontcha? Do you need any herbs or anything that I can send you? You know how to reach me. All the ebst to you. Hang in.
from katanabright :
Wishing you all the best in the days that unfurl before you. And if you need me, you still know how to reach me privately.
from harley-kid :
I guess I'm going to give this site a try. I have no one else to talk to. I figure this may help me get through life. Who knows. And I obviously don't care if you read it. Bye
from katanabright :
Well - if you have to bail, glad you're doing it now; your last couple of entries sound almost like they were written ten years into a very bad marriage. Life's too short. all the best to you -
from katanabright :
And so she says, "What is this I'm experiencing? Sunshine? Blue sky? Sweetly singing redbirds? Quick!! Let me drag some storm clouds over my head, try to call down lightning, and search out some piles of dog poop to step in! I *can't* let good things happen to me!" :o) Sure you can!
from katanabright :
:o(
from katanabright :
Better to be the duck than the walrus. Hoping for the very best for you.
from katanabright :
WT?
from hawtemokid-x :
Haii<3 x] yew okaiii ? Im just a randomer lookin at yewr page xp bai <3
from katanabright :
I know that many times itching can be a side result of severed nerve endings branching out to reconnect in new areas. I understand that some of the herbal oils help eliminate the itch, although of course you do have the odour to deal with if you massage your scalp deeply with Tiger Balm or WoodLock Oil right before heading to the chamber music symphony!
from katanabright :
Wait up - most of the time the medical providers have signed contracts stating that they will write off any amounts not covered by insurance; you may want to check on that before you agree to making any payments. And if need be, sue the woman who hit you for medical expenses. Don't give up too easily.
from katanabright :
..... ? ......
from katanabright :
Kissing tanker trucks is environmentally unfriendly. So - hang in there. Wish I could give you a good reason to do so, but I don't know of any, myself - but I still plan to do it. Peace out!
from katanabright :
And I'm sure you know the dark meaning behind the painting - the horror! the horror! I speak as an old-time supporter of the Basque independence.
from katanabright :
glad you got out - was hoping you'd find a better place. Could you afford one of those portable ACs and an oscillating fan to circulate some cool air from it? Wish I could help. Sending cool thoughts anyway -
from katanabright :
You are still hysterically funny. And WHY would you feel that you have to 'understand' why you stopped the fellow from kissing you? If it isn't right for you, that's all it takes. I salute your self-control. wishing you the best -
from katanabright :
:o)
from katanabright :
Hey J - check your email and see if the email carrier left anything there for ya :o) Hang in there, OK?
from katanabright :
happy birthday, and may all your pixels be bright!
from katanabright :
sleep tight - hope you rest tonight! And yes - you can make anyone laugh. Many gifts you have; one gift you are;blessings to you.
from katanabright :
Two thoughts for the day dear friend - 1. Go ahead and maim him. :o) 2. Never will you be a loser. OK - carry on! May it get better for you as it goes!
from katanabright :
check yer email sometime soon...there may have been someone rambling around in there. and a warm, brotherly hug I send yer way - on this 94 degree, 95 per cent humidity night...
from canned-air :
Hey there. Please add me to your buddy list and delete that Penisface guy--he sucks anyway.
from katanabright :
Hey. Sorry; I commend your strength, but I know it still kinda hurts a little. But it is his loss; trust me. I never say things I don't mean, and this guy just blew it. take care, my friend. I'm with you. j
from katanabright :
well - since you asked ( you didn't? That's OK, that never stops me) here are my loving and kind thoughts for tonight - 1. Racine - yes, the first scratch / dent / ding or scrape is always totally traumatic! BUT - as my own passive/aggressive sensei told me back before you were born - don't walk into trouble by exacting speedy revenge. Go around trouble then when it does not suspect, come up behind it. In other words, if you DO feel the need to, let's say, buy a little tire-valve remover for two bucks at Wal Mart and loosen or remove three or four valve stems from the neighbor's tires in the wee hours, don't do it right away. Wait until you won't be supected. IF you are not that aggressive, you might take an empty sugar bag and tuck it in the fuel-filler door on the car. Not pouring sugar IN the tank, not at all...just giving the passing impression that someone might have done so. Now, if the neighbors DO decide to take the car to a shop and pay big bucks to have the tank removed, drained and inspected, for no reason - well, that's their choice. 2. Have you ever tried plain old melatonin? It does help me stay asleep, much of the time. After I got out of hospital I would wake up about 3:00 a.m. and toss back & forth for hours before drifting off again. The melatonin helped & it's cheap! 3. Yes - you know from experience that exhaustion breeds depression and / or melancholy. More rest, melatonin..and if I can help, I'm here.
from katanabright :
Merci! The kind thoughts and positive vibes are always most welcome; I DO hope you will take care of your knee and let it heal all the way; remember, that is why I can no longer run. At all. Granted, you CAN get an artificial one if you want, when you turn maybe 40, but it wouldn't be the same...if you take care of your original equipment, it should last a lot longer :o) I used to do solo camping a lot - yes, there IS the diff with me being guy-ish...but you could probably pull it off; I would hope you'd take a weapon in case of humanoid nasties and a cell or something in case the knee or anything required outside assistance. but hey - if you DO go, let us know how it goes for ya. all the best... j
from katanabright :
05082006 - I am proud of you for not running yet!!! And I think you'll LIKE the fit of your Ninja outfit, and you're gonna look smashing in it, too :o) No sweaty parts! Keep hanging in there, my friend; I am trying to do the same.
from katanabright :
OK - just for you - send me the apple chips; when you REALLY need one, I'll Fed Ex it back to you, one chip at a time. :o)
from katanabright :
Congratulations on the new ride, the new insights, the new oo-oo-ooh new attitude; and BTW, two of the *strongest* human beings I have ever met used only body weight training. Granted, they reached the point of doing very slow ( like 30 second per rep) pushups from chairs, dips, pullups and so on, but they had fine, strong and lean musculature, rather than the steroidal 'knobbies' that some people like.. One of thsoe two individuals was a lovely, and quite feminine looking, lady named Diane, the other was older fellow named Stewart, and they were amazing. So are you. PS - I'm sending you the Gold Star. :o)
from penisface :
I just did the little thing from your diary. Freaked me out after the first one came up as "Bullet In The Head" by Rage Against the Machine. I don't think I'll post the rest...
from katanabright :
Hey - (1) tell Grannny, nicely if you want, that your salvation will be on God's timetable and no one else's; that will give her a reason to hope and also to back off. and (2) check your email sometime. :o) I might have emailed you a huge sum of money or something. Or...maybe not...
from katanabright :
Short note - you are unaware of my near fatal heart attack, but that is why it's been a while. So here, in the time I have, some thoughts: 1. Do NOT push the gym work; all *can* be regained, even if it takes months or years. But hemorrhage a blood vessel in your brain from too much too soon, or sparring, and there IS no coming back, Ever. Impatience can bring its own sufferings. 2. If you haven't talked with a lawyer / paralegal friend yet, please do asap. Insurance companies will screw an individual but often back down from a lawyer. 3. Please, for God's sake, don't convince yourself that HE will leave; please, don't doom or poison the hope of the relationship. Why can it NOT last a lifetime? mine will - almost did, last week :o) - and yours can too. Don't push him away. Dear J, you don't know how long life will last, nor do I. Embrace the joy and the love. Fear not. all my best, the other j.
from katanabright :
02.16.2006 - As the Bard wrote, "E'en the brutish bruises blue cannot thy beauty keep concealed, nor sallow wounds, yet stained with blood, prevent thy light from being revealed." Well, OK, that was from Bart Bard, the guy who tattoos limericks for ten bucks down at the pier, but the sentiment is there. You DO still look great, though, from this unbiased person. Sorry to hear about the sore throat on top of it all - do you have echinacea, or need some sent to you? And on the positive side - maybe now you've gotten ALL the crap out of the way. Smooth sailin' from here. Let me know if you need the herbs. Best - j
from katanabright :
02.15.2006 - Whew...glad to hear about the headaches but still- refer to the note below this one from time to time, OK? Can I give you a suggestion or two? One - have your friend take some pictures of you. Really. Save them. If you do NOT need them, then years later you can look back at them & smile. As I do mine, if you recall my incident of being mauled by the hired thugs, and my face also was eggplant with shades of black, yellow, and red. Next, IF you have any friends or friends of friends who are lawyers, please call them. yes, really; you do not know WHAT that freakazoid who hit you, will claim. Any picture of you and Stella may be useful if they are needed. Not trying to make you paranoid - just don't get blindsided, as I once did. Girl with suspended license, taking anti-seizure meds, passed out at wheel, T-boned Lynn and I, ruined our car...she sued US, said it was our fault, crooked judge agreed. We wuz screwed, as they say. So - take care of yourself, in every way. PS - You're terrific. I'm really happy for you and the way things are going. :o)
from katanabright :
please please please please keep the doctors informed about the headaches; I am not a paranoiac or a gloom type but please let them know if the headaches persist, OK???? So sorry about Stella - but you know what ? IF you had not been in such primo physical condition, you might have done much worse Will be praying and sending warm healing thoughts your way. Please take care of the head. always, julian, the Prince of Redundancy
from katanabright :
02.08.2006 :o)
from katanabright :
early morning here....much wisdom in your words...but I agree with you and your friend...don't 'uberanalyze'...but enjoy the moments and don't be afraid to want more. Don't chase him away with negative expectations. He is very fortunate to be with you. Let him realize that and go from there. best to you. j
from katanabright :
01.28.06 - Bittersweet....but still worth experiencing, yes? And: Cold beach, surf....sounds almost good to a melancholy aficionado like me. Hope the rest of the weekend goes better for you. And the days ahead.....
from katanabright :
01.21.06 - Thanks - I feel better about your jaw, anyway. And the phrase you used about the mirrors making you look 'tall, skinny and warped' - those were once the most desired qualities for women in personal ads :o) But not for me. You seem to be doing well and that makes me smile... Best to you.
from katanabright :
re: the 'perfect' blonde and your non-reaction - I am so proud of you!!! Nothing new there. Have a great one. Or two or three... j
from katanabright :
>> Not that I think you EVER read your notes...BUT...as one of those older guys, can I share one or two thought? Sure. some of them are insincere dirtbags, just like guys in their 20s, 30s, and so on. BUT - SOME men, by the time they are in their 40s or so, have finally learned (1) what beauty really is; (2) how to just say something and not give a rip about being put down, or saving face, or being embarassed or anything else; (3) and some have learned that just being in the company of a beautiful lady for a while is, in itself, a wonderful way to spend some time, without necessarily expecting more. Again, I know that not all men are like that, and I would probably not approach a young lady with the simple "Hi, you're beautiful", but I must also say that I very often tell people I see in every day life, work, shopping, whatever - " You have the sweetest smile", or, "Thank you for being so nice, you've made by whole day a litte brighter"...and I mean every word. And I STILL think you are terrific...tats or no :o) PPS - do you ever check emails?
from katanabright :
01.14.2006 - <sigh> OK - I can't take you being depressed any longer. I am sending a whole mime troop to your door tomorrow at 6:00 a.m. to perform a medley of "You Light Up My Life", "The Ballad of Jed Clampett" and "Funkytown". If THAT doesn't do it, then we'll have to try something else. And ps- if you think listening to a Zen relaxation CD as you're going to sleep each night, I can send you that, too. Come on, Eileen. Oops...sorry, another song from the Mime Medley...
from katanabright :
407.88.9569 - < looking for supportivr thought > Well...haberdashery IS an old and honorable trade....
from katanabright :
01012006...mmmmph....don't know what to do to help. I can make a call or two and have an ex-carnie dressed like a mime come do the fandango on your steps while belching out a Barry Manilow medley before passing out...would that help? Or push you over the edge ?
from katanabright :
01.03.06 You wrote, "I filled out 9 or 10 job applications today. I'm aiming considerably lower with this set" - I DO hope you didn't fill out the one I saw for a late night lap dancer at the Mexican truckstop off the highway...;o) You sound better. Glad.
from katanabright :
:oc
from katanabright :
12.31.2005 Short and sweet, no babble this time ( a miracle!!) Just a wish for a beautiful night and a Happy New Year for you. See ya in 06. l
from katanabright :
12.29.2005 Hi again. Could I spew, I mean, share a couple of thoughts about a couple of your entries? Thanks! D'jever notice that sometimes, some people - usually very special terrific people - tend to inject the word 'failure' into some of their entries...even when the word doesn't apply, like even when it's just circumstance, or timing, or kismet or karma or whatever? And don't you wish you could find some really good words to share with those very special terrific people to tell them, hey - let's take that F word out of your vocab, because it just doesn't apply to you. Whether we're talking about relationships, or learning new things, or whatever...and oh, btw, *you* never will, never could, be one of those who are considered 'failures'. Trust me, I know these things. Part Deux: about rejections from apps...when I first started writing - dark poems, depressive essays and such, at about the age of 12 - I actually started a collection of rejection slips. Really. Instead of letting it totally get me down, I thought, well, that's ONE to scratch of the list of 500 places that I have favored with the opportunity to publish my stuff! (Rejection slips back then used to come in a rainbow of colors with really cool logos and artwork ) And none of my things were published until I was in my late teens. I guess I'm just saying, hey, dear friend, don't take it to heart when an application doesn't pan out. If they knew you, they'd jump at the chance to have you on their teams. I mean that! OK - I'll stop. But just for now. Peace and blessing to you. j
from katanabright :
12.24.2005 Thank you, my friend, for your words, your friendship, and for bringing your light into this world as you do. Wherever you go on your adventures over the next few days, my thoughts and best wishes travel with you. Merry Christmas to you.
from katanabright :
12.22.2005 For a moment I thought you would segue into a slow and soulful rendition of 'I'm only happy when it rains'...but yes, rain and lightning and thunder...they can all make so many changes in our moods, thoughts, perceptions. I remember a heavy, humid summer day, sitting in a heavy stand of pine trees after a torrential summer rain, soaked to the bone, and smiling while I played my bamboo flute... And you do seem a little introspective, or at least you did in the wee hours of this morning. Hope you got some rest. So many of your insights are so good and clear, and yet often overlaid with that almost wistful little <sigh>...wish I could say or do something. But trust me...you're not running out of time. Really. The wheel will turn and turn, sun will shine, rain will fall...you are not running out of time, my friend. For now - please Live in your peace and don't let any of the late shopping crowds drive you crazy. Just for now...no worries about tomorrow..just for now. Peace and blessing to you...always, j
from katanabright :
12.19.2005 Orange trees, rain, pastures. Popcorn, tea, movies. Friends, sofas, electric blankets. I am very happy for you, my friend. Live in these beautiful moments. You deserve this and so much more. All my best - j
from katanabright :
12.12.05 Oh....yeah...mumble mumble...uhhh...oh, yeah, by the way,,,ummm...HE called. Geesh!!!! ;o) happy for you.
from katanabright :
12.11.05 Hope he calls! If he doesn't, and soon, there's something wrong with the guy. But I think he will. Get some sleep! ;o)
from katanabright :
12.10.2005 - HI - hope the Mylanta helps; I know the yech gut feeling, esp. dealing with one that young. They ARE so bull headed...but you are wise to know that there is so little you can do, and to release it so that it doesn't continue to tie your internals in knots. No one deserves to exercise that power over you. Never again. Hope the gallery trip is fun for you; you need a little R & R.And galleries are great for that! But please, if you do get with "Fingers the Stalking Clown Boy" again, do keep one hand in your pocket, on something sharp and slicey. Blessed be, my friend.
from katanabright :
12.05.2005 I think... Hello my friend and thank you - I did try the vitamin E on the slices, and it really did help keep them from bleeding again. I used to have some clove oil, which you probably know is not only used in the old manner of claening a katana but also for antiseptic properties. It will stop the bleeding very well BUT also feels like you've napalmed your skin! The E seems great, thank you again. Bob 'made up' last night...doing all the cute things and shyly creeping up to sleep under my arm again late last night. I guess we all just have a weird moment now and again. I'm just thankful he only weighs a few pounds. If he was four feet long, I would probably be leftovers today! Blessings and good things to you, always... j
from katanabright :
12.02.2005 -Good morning / afternoon/ evening - I am gonna have to seriously write an email so as not to use up all your "notes' space. But no, you're not; if 'it' wasn't there, it just wasn't; & the only people who still rave on about 'racial diversity' are all bigots or people filled with ethnic self-hatred, both of which are serious disorders; & glad half of one helped the cramps; and yes, it does, or you do. No eye contact needed. Now, for the moment, you'll have to figure which comments go with which entries...but I'll clarify soon. Meantime - give me that 'beat myself up' stick, right now! I'm keeping it until you get some rest, so you don't do yourself harm! Have a better day. Blessed be... j
from katanabright :
11.21.05 way too early - my friend, try to lose the guilt thing; an unprofitable and often destructive thing. I know many NA, very very well - am even honorary NA of Tsalagi affiliation -and part Lanape by ancestry = none of those I have ever met think of present day people as having anything to do with the past (other than the racists of today). About dominant cultures - don't forget that along with the bad, the dominant culture thing has also produced things like every medical and scientific breakthrough to come down the pike for quite a while, as well as literature, the arts, and so on. I speak of Indus-Euro-Asian cultures primarily. All have given great gifts of beuaty. All have practiced sometimes barbaric ways as well. But all have also learned from their past behavior. To see the kind of suffering which prevails when people refuse to learn, look at Mogadishu or Zimbabwe, where the elite control food and weaponry and the poor die in the streets. May we all do our part in our corner of this world to make it better. As you always do. Yes. You. On the edge of my seat, KB
from katanabright :
11.15.05 - Come what may, I've got your back. And my katana remains bright. And sharp. Stay strong, dear friend.
from katanabright :
11.12 YAY! Oh, sorry, how about a more dignified 'Huzzah!' I am just happy for you, in that you had a good day / night !! Congratulations on the Loosening of the Jeans, although I hope it is a healthy thing. And I know first hand that if you want to tighten them up, a second cycle in the dryer will pretty well do it for you. Now, as I head out into my day, I hope that your day and weekend are wonderful!
from katanabright :
11.04.05 My friend - first let me say I'm sorry to know of the anxiety attack; wish I could help. If you think of anything, I am here. Second - I am proud of you for recognizing the danger potential in the relationships with those who are staggering out of a different relationship. You do have wisdom. But I knew that for a long time. Next - I hereby award you one hundred justifiable occasions to say, "It is NOT my fault!" no matter what. I will back you up. Almost last - if you like Sigur Ros (and they are good) have you ever tried Amethystium? Finally - I have done a number of voiceovers and narrations and thus been around people of many styles, timbres and pitches of voices, so trust me when I say - yours is indeed a delight to hear. Profundity you hope for? Read your writings again...you'll see plenty. Closing - you must tell me if I am driving you nuts with so many notes of my drivel. If so, you won't hurt my feelings, they are pretty sturdy. Wishing you the best - and all the good things you truly do deserve. j
from katanabright :
11.02.05 - Sitting in a state of awed silence- not merely entranced by that phenomenal voice, although I certainly am, but also by some of your thoughts, your complexities..and at least on that one night, your introspection seemed so good, not self critical...I honor you also for the wisdom of some of the things you had to say. You are more awesome than I had even thought before! I DO worry a bit about your being depressed...maybe tiredness is part of it? As always, if I can do anything... Anyway - thank you...it was a treat to hear you.
from katanabright :
10.29.05 - About Bird - don't dare think that her reaction demeans your value to her; she cares so much about you that she would rather try to hide in the shame than see you get arrested and jailed for defending her; you know that, my friend...I have known enough girls in that situation to recognize it,,,and I think you may have, too. About the bastard - remember the phrase 'special place in Hell'? May he inhabit his special place there very soon. In a less peaceful time in my life I could have given you a couple of phone numbers and had total strangers pay him a visit. But the years come and go and old acquaintances move off into places unknown. About the concert - I am delighted that you had a good night to rock out. Could only do you good! And about amps and speaker volume - in the olden days, I saw ZZ Top and Grand Funk, and couldn't hear for two days! But what a gas!! The night after, as I lay in bed, I felt like I was rolling on ocean waves...probably screwed up my inner ear and balance. But - wow! peace and blessing to you.. j
from katanabright :
10.20.05 - Weapons! Hai ! If you begin on the path of iaijutsu, you will never depart; if you think that frustrations are drained by working out on heavy bags, wait untl the first time that you feel your blade split the air and watch parted tatami fall in clean, smooth precision before you have even returned your blade! BTW - best prices on fine blades will be at White Heron Dojo. Give them a look. My best - kb (julian)
from ravengreen :
You could even take him in the BATH!
from katanabright :
10.05.05 - Great entry! Job fair, molotovs all around, head butts and medium height kicks could all combine to make one impressive table at the fair. Wish you the best at it anyway. RE your demoted instructor guy - once had a teacher who habitually took his first class on a run at about 6 a.m. Saturday mornings, then taught hard kumite until everyone was sweating and gasping massively, then another run..he did not consider the class a success unless at least half the novices were puking afterward. Really. Charming. After losing half the class for two seasons in a row he was dismissed, New sensei was good, but often I wondered about the poor souls who left with a bad memory of martial arts haunting them. Blessings to you, my friend...
from katanabright :
10.02.05 << Whew >> You have your head on so straight that it is downright amazing! and I do hope you did not think that I was being critical of you! I would have probably done the same if I'd been in your place, well, other than the fact that I am a male, but you know what I mean. So don't think there was any criticism...only a friend who was quite truly worried for your well being. And I'm still working on not worrying about the Whisperer. Put it down to the 'over protective male hormone' or just a distrust of certain types of people. and if this guy wants you to meet his Mom who passed away a few years back but still sits in a rocking chair in the den... But I'll shut up for now. You do know what you're doing. You definitely *are* amazing.
from katanabright :
10.01.05 Short note for once... 1. Never said whether the Whisperer showed up..unless he was the one in this latest entry. 2. Whether they are the same or two different, do be careful. Not just physically. Emotionally. And karmically, so to speak. 3. Be well. Be careful.
from katanabright :
09.27.05 < heavy sigh > OK. I know there are times when a friend just listens and doesn't say much. So I'm not going to offer any advice...especially about not taking a chance on hurting your neck permanently or anything. Nothing about giving up the self-destructive things for Lent. Nothing about you being way, way too intelligent to fall for the mass media's warped visions of female beauty. Nothing about you being pretty darned terrific just the way you are right now. Nope. Not a word. Not a single word. Really. Instead, here's my offer. I know it's a long way from here to there, but if you do freak out, practice two hours of head-butts on a heavy bag, ride your bike down Killer Hill at 60 miles per hour, and run over someone who happened to really get on your nerves today, and then end up in hospital, in a cervical collar and a wheelchair with a bit of drool escaping from the corner of your mouth, I'll come all the way out there and lay a blankie over your knees and wipe the drool away with a tissue. Could a friend do more than that? ;o) Well...maybe I can think of SOMETHING else.. if you think of anything, I'm here.
from katanabright :
09.25.05 Well - I am here, FWIW...and I do follow most of your words; so now I must ask you to not worry about me worrying about..well...anyway, it is a great honor to be allowed to walk along silently near you as you live and grow and explore this strange world...and, if I may say this, re: your comments...you are NOT arrogant in your views about the 'otherness' of fellow students, faculty, et al...you are mature enough that the superficialities and trvial veneers that many of them enjoy, are of no interest to you.You are not arrogant, friend, just growing. And - thanks for thinking about dealing with some of the self-destructive things in life. Sappy as it sounds, nothing can hurt you without also hurting all who care about you. Nothing can bring you a moment of happiness, without also touching all of us with your happiness as well. And if you ever DO feel like you might snap and go on a spree of destruction, please contact me...I have a list of names you could add to yours :o) just kidding. Be well.
from katanabright :
09.24.05 Read several of your posts last night before going out back to try playing the cedar flute again, one of my late night things. 11:45 at night, 78 degrees. Tall bamboo sighed, the breeze too high to reach me; and sometimes when I think of your words, I worry for you. Just sometimes. Just once in a while.
from katanabright :
RE your latest entry - 1. ARRRRGH part deux; please no more self beatie uppie, roundeye friend... 2. The usually undetectable flicker or pulse of fluorescent lights can most definitely do strange / bad things to the brain, thus headaches, spasms, even nausea or mild seizures for some people. And you probably already knew all of that but still... and finally 3. If they DO fly out, I hope the arse monkeys are very small, and your suffering minimal :o) blessings to you...
from katanabright :
Wow!!! Thank you! (Yes, I am sincere when I say that getting a reply from you is a great honor; I do know how busy you stay! So it means much. Thank you!) Your writing skills just keep improving. Your stories are going to HAVE to go into a book...really!!! And now, if I may say this without sounding too weird...given your obvious talent and beauty, countless skills, your musical talents, physical prowess at whatever you set your hand to, and now, knowing you've even read Kerouac...I humbly request that you please add me to the doubtless unending line of males who would joyously line up to strew rose petals in your path or lovingly dust your climbing shoes with scented talcum...if you're into that sort of thing. Seriously, you are quite incredible. It is an honor to know you. And BTW - vodka in the tub is fine...but in the shower, it seems to become diluted for some reason. Candles go out too...Ah, sweet mystery of life. peace and blessing to you... j
from katanabright :
truth = do you ever actually go back & read the guestbook sigs? Just a wonderin'... peace and blessing... j
from micai :
FYI: Human Being = detectable register...even if it is only a subconscious register. Love, Freud
from micai :
I spent a while at the park myself - beautiful day...in many ways.
from freakyouout :
you're so beautifully appropriate
from hamiltonian :
I was reading your journal and you mentioned Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, in particular a certain chracter in the film. I always enjoyed the few films I saw him and looked him up and it turns out he died yesterday. Strange eh?
from penisface :
I have two more finals left. Two papers. Four days. Zero current pages. Zero motivation. 1,000,000 other things I'd rather be doing. Three cheers for school.
from micai :
Controlled Folly Any path is only a path. ----------- All paths are the same: they all lead Nowhere. ----------- The important question is: does this path have a heart? ----------- Nothing really matters in and of itself, because the importance of things lies in the way you think about them. ----------- When our eyes truly see, everything is so equal that Nothing amuses. ----------- Kama (Desire) is extinguished, and all Karma (Action) diffused. ----------- Any effort to control the nature of things is ultimately useless. ----------- One who knows this, however, is free to continue to insist on trying. ----------- That is Controlled Folly. ----------- We may laugh, or we may cry ~ it is all the same except that laughing makes your body feel better than crying does. ----------- That is one of the reasons why you should choose a path with heart ~ so that you might easily find your laughter. -----------
from freakyouout :
love that movie
from kimbarley :
Her journal is locked but I'm sure she'd be willing to help... leave her a note or send her an email. She has first hand experience with cutting as well dealing with a girl that was living with her for a while that was having a really hard time with fighting the urge to cut. I know that she went through the decision making process on telling the girls parents vs the trust factor. I've been to busy to remain current with her entries but I'm sure she has worked it all out by now, she is a smart cookie.
from freakyouout :
*hugs*
from aliop33 :
Why don't you try to get a few of the people you like from your class to join your gym - or go to the YMCA for practice. I'm sure they would let you use some mats and all to spar or something. There's always outside at the park too, depending on the weather where you live.
from katanabright :
Thank you; I salute you. Above all, for saving the colt; and next for your wisdom in knowing when to leave dangerous relationships. For sharing the gifts of your words with so many here and for opening the hospitality of your personal world to guests who travel from all around the world. You seem to be a person of honor, humor and openness. And unless my thoughts are utterly mistaken, you seldom,if ever, eat Q-tips. The final sign of gentility. May peace and blessing be yours.
from goldenyears :
The last part of your last entry caught me. I wonder if that feeling is the same I get from time to time? That there is something almost liquid you want, but can´t get? It was interesting to read/GY
from aliop33 :
Maybe you should try going to sleep when you are really, truely tired. Sometimes the whole "reasonable hour" thing can really throw you off, I know it screws with me. But i like to puff before bed, that always makes me sleepy.
from freakyouout :
btw, I think you're very cool.
from freakyouout :
heyyy no problem, there... we cool!
from freakyouout :
well...... so much to say, forgive me, but I don't believe in trying to convince anyone of my beliefs. I believe if God is real then He will show others. that is what I mean when I use the word "if". It is my non-aggressive way of saying I understand that He may not be real to you. Incident'ly I read with tears how your ex abused you and I felt hatred rise in my heart for him. I must deal with reality every day and my life is far from heaven on earth. However, I do know God in a personal and meaningful way that words do no credit to. I am praying for you...
from elegantfreak :
Writing in my own notes section. Does anybody else read these? Anyway, Freakyouout, I have heard your comment before from others who feel that they have touched divine light. I do not begrudge them that feeling, that security and intimacy with divinity. I do begrudge their often furious and occasionally violent need to defend it. For even you started your comment with the seed of doubt - "if God exists". If indeed. For you he apparently does exist - almost conclusively. Almost. This makes me happy for you. It is good to have something that inspires zeal in you. But it is also important to realize where that zeal really comes from. Religion can be a great boon or a terrible curse. And one does not need a doctrine or a pulpit to be with/in/as God. I have no spiritual zeal left. I no longer feel a need to defend the existence or lack-there-of of God. I think that is because I quit doubting. Tomorrow, the sun will rise.
from freakyouout :
...but love is such a powerful motivator. if God is as real as the sun coming up every morning then He is just as driven to reach those who are outside of HIs provision of love. I just can't help but overflow with the boundless joy and love my life is blessed with since I let Him do his thing in me... it's like having some good stuff that you want to turn others onto...
from freakyouout :
ok. well that one was a little too edited. ;O)
from freakyouout :
you edit yourself so beautifully - I can't help reading you
from th3-s3nt1n4l :
so many reasons... would my assumption that your aol messenger name is also an aol account be correct? If so, I will e-mail my reasoning
from drunkenmime :
Tori. Sometimes she sings mine too.
from th3-s3nt1n4l :
might I ask what I am on the verge of? If you know, please do clue me in.
from cornnugget :
You obviously have a sense of humor for someone who "used to be funny". Python is the best.
from kristintracy :
OOOOOOOOOOOH. Okay, I get it now. 20 minutes. Because I was confused (obviously). I am so flattered! Only 20 minutes. Wow. I, myself, am usually very hem, haw, etc., about adding people. So, I am doubly flattered. Sequins! ~kristin
from kristintracy :
Yello! Thanks for adding me as a buddy. I love being popular! Just out of curiosity: "20 Minutes"? What does it all mean?
from micai :
You mother was the all-singing, all-dancing crap of this world and your father smelt of elderberries!
from micai :
...the universe is the inside without any outside, the sound made by one eye opening...
from penisface :
Loved the guestbook entry. Are we in different time zones or do you keep the same crazy hours as I do?
from freakyouout :
that is an interesting idea... almost beatnickish. the book is written by a woman and discusses, among other things, multiple vaginal, as opposed to just clitoral orgasms, which are reportedly much deeper and satisfying. she gives some real good tips for ladies how to lead their mates in the right process, etc.
from micai :
Oh yeah I know I'm not broken A little cracked But still I'm not broken I wanna laugh but I think that I'm choking on reality ... So please listen to me There is no such thing as human debris
from sacy :
I've just read a couple of pages and I think I like your diary. Forgive me, I know I am unworthy, but I want to add you to my favourites.
from freakyouout :
check out that link... excellent book which may answer your question
from freakyouout :
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/094210417X/qid=1071924399/sr=1-1/ref=sr_1_1/002-2668347-0217640?v=glance&s=books
from superloser3 :
dont delete it.... it's too good to delete
from freakyouout :
DEAR GOD!!! Pissing blood!?!?!? I hope and pray your wonderful self's ok!
from justbadnews1 :
Hello hello! So I am on a mission, and trying to find someone that goes to Florin High School. Do you, by any chance? If you do could you please IM me at Loverstryst10 or E-mail me at theloonyone@msn.com? It'd be greatly appreciated! :)
from micai :
"The house of delusions is cheap to build but drafty to live in." - A. E. Housman
from rach4christ :
Yeah, I'm still waiting for the review on Donnie Darko. I watched it just a couple of weeks before you mentioned it in your diary. Hell, how can you go wrong when "mad world" is in the soundtrack?
from micai :
Yay! I'll be your project cheerleader. Maybe even wear a short skirt and shake my pom-poms. Just don't expect me to shave my legs, ok? Oh, just for the record, what's wrong with cereal killers? I think the Trix rabbit would be right (and true to himself) if he choked the living f*ck outta those greedy kids that keep stealing his cereal and taunting him.
from freakyouout :
hmm... that last comment could be considered offensive. I don't really mean to offend you. Just a little baffled maybe? you usually seem so sensible...
from freakyouout :
only a possible exception??? are you fucking MENTAL???
from freakyouout :
hmmm... likes touching... not love... (makes mental note)... oh yeah that's right, "elegant freak"
from micai :
It's true. You're as cold as a witch's tit. Poor puppy is gonna get frostbite. PASGAS indeed! La comida dame el ultimo pedo de los frijoles - or something like that.
from elvisload :
you just described my pot smoking career to a T...man...all these years...I thot I was the only one...sitting down to watch the movie...what a concept...and yet I wish I could enjoy it...but I can't...not anymore...I did at first...but not now...where's my car...that fuckin light...stop looking at me
from devilscarpet :
Communal Internet keeper doesn't sound good. I have a friend who is the District techie at my really small school system, and his phone rings every five minutes because of teachers bitching at him about how they need their computer plugged in the wall because they're too damn fat to bend over and do it themselves... Oh wait... I'm a little bitter, aren't I? Oh well. Anyway, hi.
from freakyouout :
later, freak... ;0)=
from goldenyears :
Sorry, misspelled: Tu Est Foutu. That is correct.
from goldenyears :
The artist is probably In-grid, with song Tu est Fotou (matches the video). She also released single In Tango. She has been vastly popular all over Europe this spring.
from freakyouout :
totally relatable you
from micai :
Sweetie, you're not alone in being alone. *HUGS*
from freakyouout :
Suess-ian (AUUUGGGHHH) -- All Too TRUE!
from freakyouout :
"just a mirror for the sun" is a most coherent entry, I truly basked in the composition of thought throughout.
from goldenyears :
I really, really hope you didn`t forget to turn up the volume while watching Velvet Goldmine? And I really, really hope you liked it. Otherwise, come and lie to me.
from micai :
Dude, that's what I've been bitching about this whole time. Nothing means anything. It's all vanity and a striving after the wind!
from goldenyears :
Hmmm...it troubles me that you feel like that, dear. Don`t be tired of yourself. You are the only one you have to stick with for the rest of your life. Be more gentle and patient to yourself. You deserve that.
from squirrelx :
Thanks for the message. I'm tryin' [with mixed results] to take it to heart. As ever, Xtine
from wanderboot :
I don't know how I got here but glad I did.
from kimbarley :
I was a little behind... anywho, the part about editing because of who reads. Well sometimes I do wish it was just private because you need the venting space. You start thinking that you need to say it but how if you put it where it can be seen that it will be more work then you meant it to be. Ok well that is me. I'm not sure if the edit is good, though I know it has positive sides, yet are they stronger then the negative? Suppose you don't get to find out because it isn't like you get to see what is down both roads at the same time... not unless you have really kickass vision. I'm rambling and I didn't mean to do that, so now I'm going. Goodbye.
from freakyouout :
I could not agree more with your latest entry, "Buggered". Hip Hip Hooray! Here here! Bravo! Viva! (and any other accolades that would fit)
from funda :
I can do anything to, wanna do nothing together?
from irockmysocks :
hello... just dropping in... my friend rachel said she reads your diary quite often, so i figured i would try it out... alrite. fun.
from freakyouout :
how very kind of you. thank you for saying that. I like to watch too, "except for that which pertains to me" -- TRUE. I like your humor and point of view.
from rach4christ :
Elegantfreak, thank's for the note. I'd love to talk about some junk sometime. If you could email me at livin4christ13@hotmail.com, that would be great. Thanks.
from kimbarley :
Hey is that the rug from days of old? Or are my eyes going?
from primessa :
Yes..One of THoSe days. Ive been dreading that day even tho I know I will have to make it happen. Have to do it. Have to make room and make it happen. One of these days will come and I’ll be ready to go… Thank you for reminding me.
from tetchy :
Some ideas for your compilation ... Mad World - Tears for Fears, People are Strange - The Doors, Creep - Radiohead, Killer Cars - Radiohead, Part of Me - Tool, Waiting for the Miracle - Leonard Cohen, Suicide Blonde - INXS
from kimbarley :
Yes you've been thinking of coming to Australia and damn it I think it is time you acted upon it. Of course that is just my two cents... please feel free to do as YOU please.
from kimbarley :
Don't have time to email you and well I know D-land will after I finish done. I'm all right... we will talk tomorrow. Leave me a note when you want me to call and give me which number and I'll do so. Love ya!
from kimbarley :
Lookie there... another note from ME. I'm proud to say I could decipher about 98% but I'm guessing that's because I've read your stuff before... I have nothing else to add. G-bye.
from kimbarley :
Ok like way more people need to be kicking down with the notes here!!! I'm looking like you pay me... yeah so my bank account number is... love the working for family bit and though I wish I could deny the 'cleaning' aspect out place was dirty. Well this is pointless because I forgot what I had on my mind. Shall we go for 6? Or what?
from kimbarley :
Girlie you know your Grandpa didn't hold that accident against you in any way! Maybe you felt guilty, no doubt but when I watched him look at you... there was nothing but love. Matter of fact I can still picture much of that and I still see that old mans face... wasn't really old though, always smiling and those eyes... god I'd love to look at em again. He was and still is a great man that is desperately missed... as you now know. Much love.
from kimbarley :
Hah! Double Hah! If I had never met your dad this would've been just another story BUT that isn't the case. I could just see the 'ignore me now' look. Glad it was you and not me... heck I'd even trade the time I saw my dads ass in the air... want it? Though I'm sure I don't have to even trade now... I'm sure the mental picture is coming in nice and clear...
from kimbarley :
Just have to say "welcome back babe" You of course know that you've been missed... so start spilling all of your adventures, I am sure to be only one of many filled with desire. And know misconstruing that!!!
from hey4eyes :
You go girl...If you happen to be in Paris on a Thursday night begin by checking out this brasserie called Noctanbule..this old David Lynch of a character in a red suit and a black pompadour croons French songs. You will swear you are in someone's maniacal dream (It's in the Place du Clichy) then make your way to L'entracte this night club (on thurdays it gets a little crazy) and just when you think you want to go home because you're drunk and its late check out Carmen's around the corner. It is this very small arabic bar where the most bizarre people gather after most places shut down. Where else can you find arabic men and women, prostitutes, trannies and other folks in one tiny spot. Crazy. Just a suggestion....Bobbie Sue dicks.
from miss-edith :
I can't sign the guestbook again, so here I am. Anyway, your ex makes me really angry, and as unfair as his demands are, I understand why you would just sign the paperwork and get the hell out rather than prolonging things. I just think that there has been a grave miscarraige of justice with your divorce and it kind of makes me feel like kicking some ass.
from miss-edith :
I don't think I have left you a note before. Odd, because I really like your diary. Anyway, I was wondering what kind of martial arts you do. I do yoga, and am studying to be an instructor, but am really interested in supplementing with a fighting discipline. Plus, self-defense is appealing to me. From one bathtub-reader to another, Miss-Edith
from squirrelx :
I just wanted to let you know how much I enjoy readin' your entries. They're often hilarious and always thought provokin' --- and you definitely ARE an artist. Best, Xtine / Squirrel X
from miss-rx :
YEASH! Another Sacramento person. ((^ ^) Sorry to scare the hell out of you with this message, but, hi. ((O -)
from sailorick :
Your 12-12 entry was the best I've ever read on this site. Damn funny! Rick

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