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messages to fuck--that:
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from buggerthat :
I'm with reader1209 here. I can't afford the fare to Kentucky, but I'd love to know what was in the notes.
from reader1209 :
okay...now I'm intrigued...what did the notes say? I so want to do that.
from stepfordtart :
Thats just lovely. I hope many random acts of kindness come your way too. s x
from avox :
You're a really beautiful soul. And to boot-- with the weed-- ho jeez. I believe you just proved the world wrong when they stereotyped about pot-heads and how they aren't, in the least bit, intelligent and determined. Your writing is wonderful.
from vanoonoo :
so sad to hear the news :(
from stepfordtart :
Oh! I was just catching up on some stuff I missed and Im SO sorry for your losses. May you be a comfort to each other. Much love. s x
from real-poison :
I loved the most recent harry potter movie, and I'm now re-reading all the books. // Crazy as it is for both of you to have your father's die / dying at the same time like this. But maybe it's a good thing in a certain light - you have each other to lean on, to relate to, and neither of you can feel like the other doesn't understand. You're strong, and I think you've got the right attitude.
from offbymyself :
i enjoy the way you write, even if the topics may not be the most cheerful, and i do hope the best for you.
from aryssa90 :
you will both get through it, together. that's one of the best parts of having someone in your life. you find solace in the other, even when they're as miserable as you are.
from jimbostaxi :
My condolences to you and your loved ones.
from atwowaydream :
Are You Afraid of the Dark was one of my favorite childhood remedies for a bad day. My condolences to you and your loved ones.
from ifiliedown :
I'm sorry for your loss.
from aryssa90 :
I'm so sorry for your loss. I know that doesn't even begin to make you feel better or compensate for it. Just know that there are people who care about you, in real life and on here.
from fangbanger :
I don't really know what to say because whatever I say won't make anything better for you, but I just wanted to say sorry for your loss.
from stellarrobot :
I'm really sorry, that's just fucking awful.
from reader1209 :
I don'teven know what to say...I wish you both could be together...
from stellarrobot :
Ok,let me get this straight: A mix TAPE or a mix C.D? (Please let it be tape, please let it be tape).
from for-you-only :
After over 5 years of being for-you-only on diaryland I'm finally going to be moving to a new blog where I won't be revealing my name or other people's names or where I live. The personal information on my blog has come back to bite me time and time again, and it's time to close this blog's doors for good. Thanks for reading me here. If you want to find my new blog, join my notify list. ~Phoenix
from jimbostaxi :
Thanks for reading and the note :>)
from jimbostaxi :
Your michigan man shouldn't live in the past. You guys are great together and he should only think about the future. If he needs any more assuances of how much you love him tell him to come to diaryland and read your feelings here. I'm sure it will touch him deeply just as it did me.
from thrsdaychild :
MIX TAPE (cd?) EXCHANGE SOUNDS FAB!!!
from microthrills :
hey there, i just came across your diary randomly and read the entry about exchanging mixtapes. i did that once, also with someone from this site and it was great. maybe we can work something out?
from theboxisback :
Say it just like that. In the words of Jens Lekman, "Don't let anyone stand in your way." Tell your Michigan Man how you feel. Surely, if he heard what you just wrote, he would never worry again.
from stepfordtart :
Im disappointed that people think its OK to tell him stuff like taht about you - surely YOU should be the one to decide that? Just tell him what you just told us....and keep telling him! People love to gossip, and its rarely to say something nice. Thats kind of sad. But sad for them that they cant keep that stuff unsaid and find something good to say instead. A pox on them all and many hugs to you and him. s x
from comebacktome :
Awww. I know what that feels like (I've worked with kids with Cerebral Palsy, Downs Syndrome etc.), but if it makes you feel better, there are actually a lot of things that can help, if not fix things- depending on what she has. And also depending on what she has there is some incredible research/ medical stuff coming out right now, being better may actually be achievable. But genuinely at the end of the day, having someone who actually gives a crap about her and how she feels and who she wants to be is something pretty huge that may make her day brighter, if not her body better, don't underestimate how important that is!
from aryssa90 :
im going to the university there, it'll be my first time living out of california actually lol...but ive spent a few weeks in illinois, near the border of iowa and i love it! im glad you got your house together and it seems as if anywhere you go, you make a difference in the world.
from aryssa90 :
I'm so happy for you! You deserve this so much. I'm moving to dubque, Ia in August, I can't wait to start my life over :)
from for-you-only :
Aww. And I so would have loved to have been seduced too, lol. ;)
from for-you-only :
It may be a lot of work, but setting up your new home ought to be fun. You get to decide where everything will go, how everything will be arranged... I would have a grand time doing that, even if I was tired after a while, it'd be fun to work on over time.
from for-you-only :
I think it's nice to know that we can resonate with each other. It makes me feel like if I were to die tomorrow that the world would not be at a complete loss, because others like me would be out there, even if not exactly like me.
from stepfordtart :
I disagree! It'll be hard work and you'll feel like it will never end, but it wont suck. Youz twoz are together and happy - just remember that when you're sluicing those walls and wondering what damn box you put the whatevers in! What lovely presents from your friends and co-workers - I would've cried, too. s x
from for-you-only :
I wish I could move to the country some day, although, I'd probably hate it after growing up in the city. But I would love to have a real yard, and have space and quiet.
from stepfordtart :
Yeh, you're a little bit country..but you're also a little bit rock 'n' roll. s x
from for-you-only :
PS: That's something I always love(d) about Corvier. He'd always say "that's my girl" or "but I love you like THIS" or "you're so cute like that" even when I looked stupid, or said or did something insane or stupid.
from for-you-only :
I also quit drinking at 18. I graduated HS at 17. I also would have stayed with Corvier if it were not for Matt's influence (I think). I still smoke pot, although not regularly, and I never pay for it. I wanted to be a stripper when I was a kid too, for a similar reason: I thought the idea of having cool outfits piled on top of each other was hot. I could have scanned my report cards, but never thought of it. I had one teacher I would have slept with if he had wanted to, but he was way to professional for that, aside from having a wife. I've been told that I'm a sex addict. I've corrected them and said that I'm a love addict. I do differ in that I love to talk about myself, and I love to match clothes carefully, although my fashion is off the wall by most standards. I like making lists too. I had no idea we had this much in common.
from stepfordtart :
You could've just said you were channelling Sandie Shaw and gone barefoot to dinner! s x
from stepfordtart :
I didnt learn til I was 25 and my sister (48) and my mum (70) cant either! My mum has my dad to drive her around....and my sister cycles! It never seems strange to not drive when you cant....its only when you can that you start wondering how you ever GOT anywhere! My exhusband taught me to drive - he said it was barbaric that I couldnt when I was "so old"! At the time I didnt have a phone or a washing machine either - practically Stone Age woman! s x
from stepfordtart :
I like reading lists! We have more parallels than you would think you might have with a 42 year old English mum/wife/corporate suit. ((squeeze)) s x
from reader1209 :
I love this list...I wish we were closer..I'd totally hang out with you. Except I drink and don't smoke pot..can't do it - I go all catatonic and stuff. :)
from for-you-only :
That's amazing! Your kindness is clearly paying off for you! Keep it up! The more you give, the more you get... In theory, but hell, it really seems to be working for you. I'm amazed.
from stepfordtart :
A house? For THAT money? You couldnt buy a crappy second hand car for that here! All very best wishes to you (and hooray for being 'sensible' with the finances!) s x
from stepfordtart :
Heehhee, the fucking is the only bit of my life that ISNT particularly miserable at the mo! Joking aside, I think those are very wise words. On Wednesday I will become one of the jobless of this country. I have a husband and two children and a huge mortgage. I dont feel miserable - I just recognise the need to step up to the plate. You're a nice person, I hope you have some serious joy in your life cos you jolly well deserve it. Hoorah for you. s x
from for-you-only :
I already wrote a response (ish) in my next entry, but I wanted to reply here too. I agree with you for the most part, but, at the same time I just can't do it. I mean... Well, I explained it in my entry -- there is no short way to defend my position, lol. If I had to only give one short answer, I'd just say "You're right." lol. Never mind me, I'm ever so slightly buzzed, and I'm at a friend's house on their laptop. *sigh* By the way I'm excited for you; sounds awesome. I wish I had something similar going for myself.
from stepfordtart :
YAY!!!!! Fingers crossed for you, dear. you deserve it! s x
from theboxisback :
Congratulations. I'm glad to read that things are going well with your Michigan man.
from dreamwall :
you're great. :)
from stepfordtart :
Yay! Im very glad. s x
from reader1209 :
You go girl!! I love the idea of those notes.
from for-you-only :
You're too freaking cool. It would be nice to see Iwoa through your eyes. For me, it was the place where I drank for the last time. I met an internet female blogger friend who lived there, and fucked one of her male friends when really drunk. The whole time wasn't very fun. heh. Sounds like thigns are going really well for you. I'm glad.
from comebacktome :
You are my hero. What you did for that homeless guy is so damn cool I want to fly to the US just to shake your hand. I really really really hope you do end up doing Social Work, you would rock at it. (I'm the same but with kids, saving one at a time!) And the napkin note thing is totally awesome, I want one! On a more personal note, the fact that you managed to love someone after feeling like you never could gives me hope in a way you can't imagine.
from stepfordtart :
Thats just lovely! Do we get to see the pics? s x PS I have friends who have met-and-married via dating sites, its the 21st century way!
from for-you-only :
This should be interesting -- bringing the city man back home to the middle of nowhere. I've been to Iwoa. I wasn't too fond of it myself. XD
from atwowaydream :
I'm from Virginia, which started out as country, but is now so enshrouded in city that it's ridiculous. . . so I can understand the division of love for country/city life. Pajamas on a beer run, yes! You bet your ass I'm sporting carebears when I'm buying Miller Lite. Grow that garden, whether in a small patch in the city or a sweeping expanse in the country. Maybe even plant some daisies.
from theboxisback :
Wow. I know exactly what you're talking about. I haven't quite gotten to the point of wanting to go back all the time. But there are definitely things that I miss about my small town, where everyone knows everyone. I love to go back to visit my parents and see all my friends. I'm not quite over the city yet, but I might get there one day.
from melissa1983 :
I just started following you the other day. You shouldn't feel ashamed of meeting your man on a dating site. That is how I've met quite a few of the people I have dated. I'm not ashamed to admit that. People find love in the strangest places sometimes.
from thrsdaychild :
I have been reading you since the weeks leading up to you leaving your boyfriend. I feel like I'm watching a television series- I can't wait for the next episode. It's been so cool to see your story unfold. And I can relate to the whole "do i tell anyone we met online" scenario. I'm currently involved with someone on okcupid, and it's going so well, but I'm terrified of what I will tell people if things work out for us. It seems like no one takes a relationship seriously if it begins online. Can't wait to see what happens next!
from reader1209 :
There is no reason to feel ashamed...meeting online is akin to meeting on a blind date. I met the love of my life on line again after knowing each other briefly as children. And I like to think of it like this...nothing could keep what is meant to be apart. And I think the onlline thing gave us a chance to build the beautiful relationship we have now. I'm so enjoying your love story.
from for-you-only :
The notes are really sweet. I think I may do something like that for Jeremy. We've both spent so much time in unhappy relationships that we're both a little lost as to how to pamper each other.
from won-too-tree :
Your life sounds beautiful right now. I'm glad.
from phaythles :
Awww...i luv it when guests(customers) do nice stuff like that...gives u warm n fuzzy feelings and u like ur job that much more...
from for-you-only :
You're awesome.
from cannibalhymn :
That's about the awesomest thing ever. I wish MI was as kind to me as it is to you!
from for-you-only :
You're truly a remarkable woman. And, ohh-cool, I'm linked!!!
from phaythles :
hey ive been readin ur diary...and i like the way u think...ur sarcasm and just the way ur wrds flow...and when i read ur latest entry i was like whoohoo! Im happy for u...lol
from for-you-only :
Aw, you're too sweet. This coming from the girl who got a homeless man on his feet -- I guess that really makes your words all the more meaningful, eh? To be honest, it really did have a good deal to do with some of the things you said. I take my feedback pretty seriously, and it seems like you're the only one with anything to say these days. *many hugs and kisses* ~Phoenix
from for-you-only :
Sounds even more beautiful.
from for-you-only :
Ah, that sounds beautiful. I'm doing much better myself.
from for-you-only :
I so love you right now. I'm on Matt's laptop... Since I still have not gotten mine back... I'm going to end up buying my own laptop back... It's insane... I wish he didn't make it end like this, but you're right... As much as I often want to take the easy way out and dwell on all the miserable stuff, in the long run, I'd much rather remember all the good times. They were many. And I should be more thankful for that. *hugs* ~Phoenix
from aryssa18 :
youre awesome.
from theboxisback :
Wow. That's pretty noble, helping that man out. I wish I could afford to do something like that for someone.
from saga-fan :
You know, you've got a point. Today really made me think. I saw Matt today, and he's started going out with Ashley. It made me realize a lot of things, but it's sort of hard to explain why and how. But I've come to the conclusion that is has to be sooner than April. I think I've set the deadline to the end of march now instead of the end of april.
from stepfordtart :
You're fabulous. s x
from saga-fan :
(This is for-you-only) Yeah, I am planning on leaving. It's just complicated. I'm afraid of how he'll react. I'm afraid of what he'll do. He's in debt and his savings is low, and I don't want to kick him out with no money, no where to go on an angry quest to go destroy something... Also, this time of year is good for this sort of thing. It's busy season for him so he's working a lot more, even now, at 1am he's not home, and I don't mind anymore because I'm not bitter about this not working anymore. So the longer we're together during this period of the year (ends in April) the further we'll drift "naturally" from lack of contact. Does this all sound like a bunch of lame excuses?
from stellarrobot :
Congrats on your surprise!
from stellarrobot :
Thank you for feeding the homeless man. Also please advise what you ended up painting!
from for-you-only :
I've been slacking on updating. I usually update all the time, but the thing is, I don't have to remind myself to, I usually do it just naturally. I usually want to update, so I never have to press myself. I realized it's been ten days since I wrote, and longer since I posted just now, and well, I updated. So, it should be clearer now. Thanks for noting me. :)
from aryssa18 :
oh I'm sorry :/ Hopefully you'll get together soon?
from real-poison :
Hey. Thanks, my birthday was pretty awesome. I understand about taking a while to get back to me, I myself have been really busy this week, though I hope to hear from you again in the future. As for my relationship status, it's all in the blog. I wouldn't want to be a spoiler, LOL. ~Phoenix
from stepfordtart :
Hey girl. Just catching up on all the stuff I'd missed since I was here last. You finally did it, huh? Thats cool, really cool. Im glad and kind of relieved to hear you sounding so happy. Fingers crossed for you for Saturday. s x
from aryssa18 :
Just wanted to pop in and say hi :) Hope things are still working out for you :)
from for-you-only :
PS: sorry for the insane amount of notes. I sort of added notes the same way I would add comments if you had comments. (silly diaryland, comments should be free.) I hope you'll write back soon, I think you're interesting, and I think we have a lot in common and also a lot to teach each other. Those are great building blocks for a meaningful and lasting friendship.
from for-you-only :
In regards to your latest entry: That's the sort of attitude I've been developing. I'm currently with the man I'm with because it just would be less happy to leave him. But after this one has blown it's full course, I'm done with second-rate. I'm hot, young, smart, beautiful, loving, forgiving and constantly adapting and growing. Why settle for someone else is isn't as cool as I am? Also, friends are important. I've been neglecting the importance of making friends the past ten years (age 10 to age 20) while trying to find love in sex. Big mistake.
from for-you-only :
The Michigan Man said he loved me. It's the first time I've disbelieved someone. He's never even held my hand. ------------ There are many levels of love. He probably does love you on a level, even without having held your hand. There are many forms of connection, and some are very real even if they are only online. For example, I have this friend Will. Him and I suck in person. We are awkward and never know what to say. But almost every day we talk on IM. We're there for each other in a very real sense via IM. We know each other in person, and that's how we met, and yet our real affection developed online and has remained online and I don't think either of us has a problem with that. If you meet this guy and he's not everything you wanted, don't be too surprised. But that doesn't mean you can't still write and feel a connection via internet.
from for-you-only :
"It's been over for a while," I said. "We just forgot to tell eachother." ------- I love this line. I may use it in my next breakup. Seriously.
from for-you-only :
I've come to realize what the difference is between me and most women. Most women look at gamers and think, "What a waste! How could they possibly waste so much time on a stupid game?" Me, I think, "God damn...look at how fast his fingers are moving. I wonder what else he can do with his hands." -------------- I LOVED that. Guess what I think? I think "I'm a video gamer too! We'll have something to talk about!"
from for-you-only :
I'm glad you've found my site helpful. In fact, I'm delighted. I (admittedly) stress a lot about people's health other than my own. I'm so terrified of what the world is becoming by eating so much junk. But anyway, enough with my personal issue with other people's personal health issues (lol) I decided to go to your blog and got sucked in. You may find that the experience you've just had with your ex is much like the experience I had with my ex. If you start reading my blog in 2005, you can read about my relationship with Tre and my long journey to growing my own backbone. username: read password: me
from annanotbob :
Good for you, girl. I've only just read about your move (backwards from today's entry) and had to pop by and wish you all the best - you deserve it.
from aryssa18 :
thanks for your note. its hard growing up. it hurts having to leave the people who are always supposed to be there for you behind you. i don't know if i can, it seems like either way i go im fucked.
from atwowaydream :
The city won't eat you alive; just take it in your hands, and bite into it like a plum. I wish you much luck, but I'm sure you'll be dazzling.
from atwowaydream :
The city won't eat you alive; just take it in your hands, and bite into it like a plum. I wish you much luck, but I'm sure you'll be dazzling.
from mmmfactor :
I've been reading you for a while and I just want to say, good for you, for being able to get out and fast and not looking back when his face was flooded with guilt. An instant moment, created in your memory. I'm amazed and so happy for you. Keep on keeping on...
from aryssa18 :
i wish i had your courage.
from hijayxx :
Cool. Good luck....
from i-am-jack :
I read your comment about me in your profile. You managed to blow my mind with such a high compliment. Thank you. It might be sad, but sometimes things like this keep me going.
from sky-rocket :
sounds cool.
from i-am-jack :
"Your writing captures me entirely. You are a true gift to lonely people perusing the internet, and I'm grateful for everything you've shared." Thank you. That was one of the most meaningful comments I have ever received. I have to admit, it took me by surprise. I have not heard something that validating in a long time.
from chaos-here :
it's happening to me too
from stepfordtart :
Hey. Just catching up since the last time I was over here visiting. You sound miserable. I hope that the move to your cousin's will make you happy. I can totally respect the need to 'just go' - make sure your family knows where you are tho, yeh? (Im a mum - we worry!) Oh and I, too, have suffered the indignity of a lecture from a gynae nurse - I was a bit older than you but I still was sorely tempted to smack her in the face and tell her to fuck off. Thinking of you s x
from stepfordtart :
Ive seen that dinosaur. Over here its about $700. My kids saw it in a magazine. The older one looked at it for a while. Then she said "why would someone WANT that?", then she went off to read a book. Good news, there's other kids like you in the world! Not sure what you're gonna do about that BF tho. He sounds a bit of a twat and there's plenty of time for resigning yourself to that when you're too old and ugly to get anything better! Kick his ass out and stop sleeping with the dog! s x

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