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messages to haloaskew:
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from moonfaeryy :
Hey...so I started playing second life, and I know you used to, or are still involved in it. I'm at a lose as to what to do, so if you still play, and are willing to give a newbie some help, drop me a note at ta2luvgrl@hotmail.com with your info! Thanks!
from dogbones :
Want to draw attention to your diary? Check me out! I can help! If you don't then ignore this note and just think of it as a Kudos ;)
from fifidellabon :
Skewey, I simply adore your writing style!! Do keep up with the updates won't you? xoFifi
from twoturtles :
Hey! I came here through the recent entries thing and imagine my surprise to see that you're linked to me! I'm nakedbarista, but I don't actually write there anymore so feel free to change that link to this one. Sorry about that!
from fifidellabon :
Hallo! I am strolling through your archives. In March 2003 you'd mentioned that the Marathon bar no longer exists. Just in case no one else has already told you, they actually do exist as the Curly Wurly, a name which I find somewhat loathesome. You could probably get them from FoodIreland or any other import store. /Fifi
from tater-fay :
where ARE you? Have you been kidnapped? (I always think the worst!)
from ingridwrites :
I was just thinking of that book the other day. The hype around the secret reminds me of the hype that surrounded that book. Of course, I've been a self-help/guru book reader for ages, so I obviously had to have that one too. Heh.
from ingridwrites :
I got her a bouquet of bunches of daffodils all wrapped in a big fat off white ribbon. I, personally, think it was perfect for a relaxed wedding. Not too fancy, yet simplistically classy. ;)
from sinsear777 :
You have far more faith in public outrage and our justice system than I, M'lady, but I do hope you're right.
from jonathan29 :
Hey! Thanks for the note on how to fix my haloscan! I tried changing what you mentioned, and alas it still didn't work. I'll play around more with it this weekend. I'm a determined sum'bitch when I want to accomplish something like this! have a fab Friday! :)
from cardiogirl :
Hey Halo! Thanks for the nice comment on my new site. I think I might be up to the challenge on creating you and your dogs. I'll work on it and try to send something your way soon...
from ingridwrites :
I'm surely fenging that ugly ass picture that came from my mom's house that is hanging in my living room (why did I put it there?). The back to the door thing is so totally true and I discovered it long ago when my husband started having nightmares. I rearranged the bedroom so the door wasn't 'behind' him. Instant cure. Even made Mister Doubtful a believer!
from tater-fay :
De kat die in de Pindakaas wordt gezeten (or something similar to that)...I love hearing Dutch! I had mustard soup (No, it REALLY IS mustard soup) today for the first time in my life and I loved it:)
from nakedbarista :
Welcome aboard! I feel bad that you have to go back a month or so to get an actual entry of interest. February was a crazy month for me. Hopefully I'll be back in the swing of things soon. As for Charleston, I agree that it's a beautiful city. I'm more partial to Savannah, GA myself. What Charleston has in historical beauty, Savannah has in charisma. There's just something about that crazy city.
from janetplnetoc :
Texas is a mean ass muthafucka and I wouldn't mess with them either... wise move my friend. Jail ain't fun. Though you could make some lifelong friendships!
from tater-fay :
I like me some pickles any way shape or form (even sweet)..I like fried pickles..yum! I grew up in IL and so I am very familiar with Hardees! Out here the same company behind Hardees has "Carl's JR"...same food and everything, different name!
from atomicbuddha :
I actually took my tags out when I edited the page because it didn't work...didn't have time to check the code with a fine tooth comb so just took 'em out...couldn't see anything wrong though. Weird huh? My links disappeared and everything below became hypertext...but I swear nothing was missing, everything was enclosed and it all looked kosher.
from raven72d :
Any time. And I will be reading along here...
from livesand :
The guy you saw shopping has Down's Syndrome. They're usually short, heavy-set and have vocal cords that aren't fully descended so they talk funny. But then, our esteemed president talks funny too.....
from raven72d :
Oh, yes! You are an utterly delightful find!
from atomicbuddha :
Hey...congrats on being unemployed! I never thought it would happen to me and yet, somehow I manage to love it. Oh sure, every once in a blue moon the $$ demons start to worry me...but I guess knowing I WILL have a job in the next couple of months chases them away. Or maybe the greyhounds chase them away, they can be evil little stickdogs when they want to be. Anyway, I say enjoy it while you can!! And happy days! I'll be over for some of those cinnaorange rolls tomorrow morning. How long is the drive from coastal Virginia to Kentucky?
from atomicbuddha :
Howdy Halo...I need to catch up on your life...but wanted to let you know I'm back from the dead. It appears I wasn't the only one gone though...many on my buddylist seem to be MIA...so sad. Anyway, I look forward to reading what's been happenin' with you!!
from uncleal :
I gave 6 months adavnce notice because I love my boss, and I want her to be able to find my replacement. Also, I want her to write a letter of reccommendation to my future boss. And if that wasn't enough, I can't hold in information to save my life! I had to tell her as soon as possible so I wouldn't burst at the seems.
from curious-me :
Hi there. I've been reading your diary for a while now and thought I would led you know how much I enjoy it. You make me laugh - a lot! And your office stories are priceless - I get stressed just reading about them so I can only imagine how you get through it all. Office Space has nuthin' on you! Take care.
from smedindy :
Hey, I sent the package to the PO Box you said on an email this summer. Hope it didn't change or something. Email me if there's an issue!
from smedindy :
Hey, you should be recieving a package soon. Hope you like - though one disk is a bit heavy, but we all need heavy, man. Let me know via email or an entry! Smoochy boochies!
from djraindog :
Hey, Ms. FunnyLady! I just recently finally caught up on reading all the back-entries I'd missed over about the last 6 months. I'm SO glad you're still out there writing...and making me laugh. ;-)
from wordsofmine :
Saw your banner and liked your site. Bosses can be such a pain.
from ramblin-bill :
Hey - I hope you didn't know anyone who was in the plane crash this morning and everything is okay with you.
from murphy-slaw :
Thanks for the note! You are so so right. I am obsessed with my nails now. I touch, look at, chew on, tap, play with them constantly now. I was afraid of one popping off, but as they have become more a part of my hand, that fear seems to have disappated (sp?) a bit. And you are right, I feel so sexy! I grab stuff and make a dramatic show of my hands whenever I can, including in the mirror. I keep doing the "you talkin' ta me?" in the mirror too and waving my fingers around and pointing and shit. Hehe. Thanks again for the post. Glad to know I am not along in my nail explorations. :)
from wilberteets :
I sent my top 5 celebs and then it was gone... along with your whole entry. hehe. I pieced my comment back together from memory, hoping it wouldn't show up twice, without knowing you'd sent it back to me in a note. Funny. I think we have a lot in common.
from wilberteets :
Yes... money problems will cause plenty of physical and mental health problems! I had some financial problems when I was married. I can say from sorry experience that poverty SUCKS!! You'd think my problems would get worse when one income dropped out, but guess what? I was happier, less tied down, and ready to go for it and that made all the difference. Plus I didn't have Mr. Wrong hammering the ATM machine anymore. hehe
from sduckie :
yeah what's up with that KY mist? Ew. Is all I say. And that one that's massage oil/personal lube. Something tells me I don't want to use that stuff all over. Anyway. Definitely rent Spanglish, it's one of those movies where Adam Sandler is not a goof, it's a good story. And YES to Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and Walk the Line. So says me. Duck
from tater-fay :
Hey there! I couldn't stop laughing when you wrote about your puke-o-rific adventures on the road (though I felt incredibly sorry for you the whole time!) The pics of the Lizzie Borden house are amazing and the interior looks SO much like the Victorian B-n-B that Larry and I stayed at up in Port Townsend, Washington about a month ago.
from smedindy :
MySpace? You DON'T have MySpace, right? Because then I'd never get any work done...or you wouldn't...or something...
from smedindy :
Just make sure AOHELL's spam filter doesn't catch it - emailing in 3...2...1...
from wilberteets :
Here is me, promising some squooshy backup. Now spill, Girl, spill!
from heidiann :
So, since the Top Chef reunion I've realized I now have a crush on Stephen. I KNOW!!!! MADNESS!!!! And as soon as I realized it I thought, oh my god I have to go tell Halo!
from smedindy :
Hubba hubba!
from tater-fay :
Thanks..your notes always make me feel better. As for my place of employment...fuck'em. I KNOW I didn't do anything wrong. It's not that hard to deal with actually. I've been able to control my emotions, which is surprising, without totally blocking things. OH well, what comes around goes around, huh? I believe in karma and people that shit on you will TURN TO SHIT at some point. I will put a curse on people..JUST KIDDING!! I've been in counseling all this time, but now I'm going to switch to a new counselor that specializes in grief (I need to call around and find the right one, though)..my old counselor is great, but she wasn't equipped to handle this sort of grief...which is understandable. I'm feeling pretty positive today, actually.
from heidiann :
I KNOW!!!! I couldn't believe he said HOSED! One one hand I appreciate the fact that his whole goal is to give the diner an amazing experience but sweet god, his idea of an amazing experience involves a seven hour lecture on mole sauce and regional grapes. GIVE ME A FUCKING BUDWEISER AND BRING ME MY MEAL YOU JACKASS!! My favorite Top Chef moment was him being called "a tool and a douchebag"...ahahhahahah it still makes me laugh.
from antipodean :
Sorry I've taken an ice age to reply, but thanks for the advice you left me regarding creative writing class. I'm eager to check out the books you recommended =)
from tater-fay :
thanks!! I will try to do more of those sort of entries. I'm tired of writing about death and grief (though that will go on and on, I'm sure) I have to remind myself that I'm actually a writer of creative things (and THAT was really awkward sentence structure..duh!)
from ramblin-bill :
Hmm, I will have to try that... When I go for somethng outside of Miller Lite, it's usually Harp. I like that one. Strongbow is pretty good too. When you go out east later this year, be sure to try Yeungling. They don't sell it in Ohio or KY, but it's all over the east coast - and it's delicious.
from ramblin-bill :
Many people talk about how bad Natural Light is, but I don't see it... It's what got me through college. And it's still the beer I get when I am looking for a decent cheap beer.
from smedindy :
Grapes are peeled for you....heh....come whisper sweet nuttin's in my ear. Heeeee!
from niceguymike :
Oh. My. God.
from karmacops :
i always thought there was a hidden meaning behind 'charlie and the chocolate factory'...
from smedindy :
Check your email (and spam filter from AOL-Hell for an invite!)
from tater-fay :
THAT was the most beautiful and most caring and most RIGHT ON note anybody has ever left me. In fact, it beats all letters, sympathy cards, etc. that I've received through snail mail..thanks! I will do some of the things in your list for sure! Right now I'm gonna eat me some cereal and then some raisinets and watch a movie!
from wilberteets :
Thanks for the nice note and for adding me to your buddy list and for the link in your blog today. Looks like you are coming up with ways to reduce some costs and stuff. Hmmm... I'm sure you already know you can save money on insurance premiums by carrying a higher deductible. I know some people who make between 500 and 1000 bucks a month selling junk on ebay. They pick stuff up from garage sales and resell it. I've known several people who did that. Hang in there!
from tater-fay :
thanks, sweetie! You are the best, truly, the best!!
from pantrypuff :
You must forgive my lack of notes lately! I have been so crappy about keeping up with everyone lately. Besides taking care of the monsters, I've been landscaping like crazy, and I still haven't lost an ounce. I'm such a lard. Ick. Depressing. Excuse me while I go eat some ice cream.
from niceguymike :
Well, when you get down to it, anything starring JLo is sort of creepy. Yes, he was rather distressing in Schindler's List, but I'd never seen him as sort of a career creep, like, say, Christopher Walken. As Lord Voldemort, he was sort of a silken sociopath, much like Hannibal Lecter.
from tater-fay :
I know, when the Nat'l Enquirer first approached us about the story we were all thinking "but it's a trashy mag that we never buy or read"...but they did a good job (We insisted that we see what finished product before it went to press!) I've been ok. Good days, bad days ("good days, bad days, you know I've had my share") God, I'm quoting Led Zeppelin...funny!!
from karmacops :
OMG! That was one of my fav childhood books...noone i know knows of it except for a girl i went to school with, who had the surname Santley, and when she first the book at school she thought it said 'Flat Santley' not STANLEY... (like you needed to know this!) Anyway...flat stanley has lived in my memories for at least 2 decades now... glad to hear he is still flat.
from smedindy :
Here was my email: You've been awful flirty lately! Not that I'm complaining at all... <Butthead Voice>Hey baby...hehhehheh...what's shakin'...heheheh</Butthead Voice> Here's to a working computer and a clean, er, dirty, er, sound, er...well at least A mind. Later daze!
from smedindy :
Oh, Halo. You must not have gotten my email send to your d-land address - or whatever - and I was kind of playing along to those other comments you left earlier with the caps lock on. As in we're having the hot torrid affair. Or I'm an idiot. Back in the hole. Carry on. But you're still the tops, ma'am!
from niceguymike :
I can't say that I have particularly had to learn any lessons about Columbia House. I fulfilled my obligation fairly early on, and now buy only on the sales (except that I went ahead and bought "The Corpse Bride" from them because it was about the same price everywhere else. They're definitely much higher on many things, but their sales are terrific.
from karmacops :
did someone say more beer... :)
from katiedoyle :
sorry if someone beat me to it, or you already blogged it, but you use overdrive when you're driving over 50 or 55 mph, like on the freeway, especially for long periods. it's like 5th gear, and it will save you on gas consumption. or at least, it's supposed to. it will save wear and tear on your engine. kd
from smedindy :
Oh, my! Have you been hanging around Andria too much? Tsk tsk....heeeee!
from karmacops :
do you think God would approve of them eating Cheetos?
from sduckie :
that's $25 per Amish person!
from karmacops :
odd...O.D.D...like A.D.D only better...yes? yes!
from karmacops :
yes...juSt like the FIGure 8...eight...ATE :)
from karmacops :
hope you get your m's back soon. in the MMMMeantime...mmmmmmmmmmmmMMMMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmMM
from crazy4muffin :
Google Funny Bunny. That shit is all over the place. I am wearing my wife beater that says "Not Listening" right now. I always find the stuff at Kohl's. But you can order it on line too.
from tater-fay :
You always leave such nice messages..they cheer me up! I'm having the Monday morning blah's and the WHY THE FUCK AM I AT WORK's, etc. I'm sick of the waves of sadness but they have to be felt. I'm just tired. So very tired of all of this. I know that because today feels so low that tommorrow I will have a good day, and that is something to look forward to....anyways, blah, blah..sometimes I get sick of talking about it. I DO hope we meet someday..it would be great! I'm sorry to hear about your mom's friend!! Hugs back at you!
from niceguymike :
Some of my interest in calories comes from simple math. If a pound of fat is worth 3,500 calories, I have to create a deficit of 3,500 calories to burn it off. Therefore, eating smaller portions -- and avoiding high-calorie foods -- combined with exercise, gets rid of extra weight. Some of it is that I know I wasn't eating very well. I really do like to cook, and this gets me back cooking again. Believe me, if the food didn't taste good, I wouldn't do it. And, as far as the debt is concerned, getting rid of it is only part of the battle; the rest is learning how to manage credit properly. In both areas, getting rid of the problem is actually the easier bit. The harder part is making choices about how to not have the problem again. I've spent a lot of energy to get rid of debt as well, and will have retired more than a quarter-million of it by this fall -- and I've worked to not accumulate any more debt, so that all that money can go to the savings I neglected all those years I was running up debt. Calories, money; it's all the same thing.
from nilliem :
If I made you smile, my work here is done!
from niceguymike :
The thing I got more than anything from her books is probably anybody/anytime. That was really brought home to me when I worked for a guy I thought was a little strange. I quit the job, even though he offered me double pay (which I also thought odd). About two months later, I saw in the paper that he murdered his wife; shot her 11 times with a double-barrelled shotgun. But, yeah, it's creepy in a cool sort of way.
from smedindy :
75 is the limit, and I have 95 people who have befriended me, so I've had to drop some folks off. Sigh.
from smedindy :
Uh, I meant I hate that I can't add anyone without dropping someone. Sigh. I need a beer or 12.
from smedindy :
Thanks for the add. I didn't mean to be a nag, but my list is full and I hate that...
from niceguymike :
Hey, thanks for the note! Yeah, Ann Rule has been a favorite of mine for a long time. It's also totally creepy living near the places she wrote about. I used to drive past the Green River Killer's pick-up spots and dump sites. Gross!
from smedindy :
Hey, if your buddy list is all full, I just added a notify list on my place. Toodles! And eat some of the krunchy ones for me!
from dangerspouse :
Alright, ALRIGHT!! Jesus. Demanding bitches. Fine, just for you, a new post. Now make with the blowjob.
from janetplnetoc :
Yes, 2 days! What can I say, your diary was like a drug, I couldn't get enough. I actually woke up this morning sad because I didn't have it to read anymore (because I was all caught up). Sigh.
from janetplnetoc :
I think I noticed the missing Nub because I read your WHOLE diary in 2 days. I also noticed that your boyfriend (ex) disappeared from mention shortly after you moved to KY (how horrible to have a state with the initials KY, is everyone well lubricated there?) but then you finally answered that one. I'm sorry about the Nubster -- animals are awesome, it's hard when we lose our friends.
from janetplnetoc :
If you noticed a recent peak in your stats, it was just me, getting jiggy with your archives. I'm all caught up now, but hey, it seems like you stopped mentioning your cat (not Rosie, your house cat, I can't remember his name) sometime back... I'm gonna be up all night worrying. At least I'm going to blame my insomnia on that. Found you through Heidi, BTW.
from nilliem :
heh...well, I did graduate to Joe Perry (clean, and well married) Tom Selleck (always clean and well married) Robert Plant (ok, so its the blondes that get me, every time!!) I think I'll try lint myself...and there's lots in the laundry room...where I'm headed tomorrow! sigh
from tater-fay :
that's great (your para-phrasing of Robert Frost)..I'd like to say that out loud to somebody, but unfortunately it rarely, if ever, snows where I live in Oregon (which ain't up in the mountains!)
from maddeningly :
aww great. i've finally lured you over and i've had to lock up! it's friends only now due to a sneaky spying bitch. you'll just have to get a livejournal! :) and sucks about visa. i'm so not good with the money stuff.
from livesand :
Celebrity/animal lookalikes: I nominate President Bush and the rhesus monkey.
from crazy4muffin :
You would love the calls I get at work- every nut case manages to get routed to my phone. Had a fine conversation with a schizophrenic the other day while grabbing a smoke outside the jail. Scary thing is, she made a lot of sense.
from pantrypuff :
My coworker is like best buddies with Mark F. They grew up together. I like Mark F a lot, but he's always in stupid movies. He was good on the West Wing, though.
from smoog :
In fact, I am the Kentucky Eyeball Puss of Death. It's a little known fact.
from smedindy :
First, stop with the heroin. Second, change doctors. Third, tell Krogers to start the super double coupon thing again, so that .55 or .75 cents off is actually a $1 off.
from tater-fay :
I like your list. I need to make a list of enjoyable things. I do still enjoy things in life and I can't them be overshadowed by how much pain and suffering this whole fucked up thing has put me in!
from mistressrhi :
Pilot makes a _disposable_!!! fountain pen, called "Varsity". Comes in several way groovy colors, including...Purple! Also try, Zebra's "Sarasa" ballpoint (difficult to find, but worth it). Excellent flow and it comes in a dozen different colors. I am a total pen geek. I'm quotin' you today on my diary, 'cause you ROCK!
from maddeningly :
jesus, sister! PAXIL! i have to git me some of that stuff :) you're gorgeous!! as an aside .. i've noticed your NON-PRESENCE at my lil ole place at livejournal. same username as this one ... *hint*COUGH*hint* ;)
from crazy4muffin :
Are you perhaps speaking of the booties that are ultra soft/fuzzy and have wild colors? Because I couldn't buy enough of them at Kohl's. But perhaps during my next $100 walk through WalMzrt (because that is exactly what you spend even if you went just for eggs) I will stop by the hoisery department. Huh? Says the Walmart 'associate'. Socks. Oh, over thar.
from nilliem :
I give!! hee, ok if you could email me straight to nilliem@yahoo.com, I'll re-send the email to you. I live 2 hours from Maine; I go to York Beach as often as I can...that should tempt you, lol
from goingloopy :
I love that movie..."I'm tired of playing Ruprecht the monkey boy!" And the best cat toys are those little plastic things from milk jugs and coffee creamer, plus the little plastic caps from body splash or hairspray. At least those are the ones my cats manage to locate and then bat around noisily at three a.m....
from pinkytusk :
Halo. I did my Outward Bound trip over 10 years ago when I was in my early 20's. My parents were hoping that it would help to straighen me out :) It was a 30 day sailing/rock climbing course and we sailed the whole coast of Maine. It was hardcore, challenging and exhilerating - pushing physical and psychological limits every day. It was a great experience and I'm glad to have done it.
from pantrypuff :
Oooh, I like this link to your notes!! I have never been a huge fan of oysters. OK, I hate them. They scare me. Too snotlike. ACK -- now your dog is probably puking, right??
from wilberteets :
Call. In. Sick.
from crazy4muffin :
Fuck him to death on a red hot poker infested with herpes. What a dick.
from pinkytusk :
Halo. Good question, I'm not sure if you can drive up there or not. I just know I climbed it and it was pretty brutal. More so b/c at the time I was on an Outward Bound adventure and we had sailed all day, then climbed it. I think I fell asleep on a rock once I got to the top. Either way, have a great time!! BTW.. I love reading your diary :)
from nilliem :
Hi! I sent you an email (same name as here...) with stuff about Maine, thru diaryland...just wanted to be sure you saw it!
from pinkytusk :
maybe this has already been mentioned to you, but i recommend climbing Cadillac mountain in Maine which is the first place the sun hits in the East when it rises. You'll have to start climbing at about 2am to make sure you get to see the sunrise. It is spectatcular!
from crazy4muffin :
Frozen french fries right out of the bag...hmmm...I'm out.
from smoog :
Scaredy cat. Heh. And yes, you were on my original list. You must have blocked it from your mind in self-preservation. Just be thankful you didn't get hobbits.
from livesand :
Go to the Acadia National Park area in Maine for accessible and interesting Mainiac experiences. From Cadillac Mountain, 1500 feet high almost right on the ocean, you can see the sun rise before anywhere else in the continental U.S., always a weird thrill. And I guarantee that stretch of rocky coast has for-real lighthouses and pleasantly cranky locals: "Welcome to Maine, now please go home." Very authentic!
from smoog :
Tag, you're it! (Just come visit, you'll see.)
from crazy4muffin :
You will eat lobster for the first time?! Or you will eat lobster in Maine for the first time?! Because the former kind of freaks me out. If you have never had a Maine lobster, your first thought will be that up to that point everything you have ever put in your mouth before tasted like crap. I went to the area once. My most vivid memory was of an old crusty cop on a horse. These little kids gathered around and were ooing and ahhing. One says to him "Hey Mister, what does she eat". The cop answers, without missing a beat, "little kids". I could just sit around and listen to those people talk. The accents slay me. You will be suprised at how old the buildings and houses are; really quite beautiful.
from ramble-on :
OOHHH how I love my wooley bully...aka slumber sack. I bought mine at Target a few years back, it is now falling apart and now that I know where to buy a new one, happieness will ensue! Merry Christmas!
from crazy4muffin :
We have been imitating the Indian guy from 40 year old virgin all day..."it is not just about the cock and balls, the dirty sanchez, the double decker..." that is how I have been spending Christmas.
from bluemeany :
Happy Christmas, whorebag!
from pfirsich :
Wow.Thanks!
from tater-fay :
Merry Christmas!! I used to love going into Hickory Farms while at the mall (several times in one day, in fact) to taste all the samples they put out. Cheese logs rock!! It is 10:35 and I'm still in my pajamas..yippee!!
from smoog :
You have savings?? People actually have those these days? Tell me, what's it like to know you won't be eating behind a dumpster once you're 65?
from tater-fay :
I really loved Memoirs of a Geisha. The film version (ugh...stupid film versions) is coming out soon, I believe. I'd like to see it, mostly to see if they do an alright job or butcher it entirely!
from crazy4muffin :
"...becaue I would be more than happy to personally assist with they" she said as she snapped the sheers together.
from bluewave00 :
Damn, woman, you are a TRIP!
from tater-fay :
Thanks so much for the contribution! You'll be getting a formal thank you when we have a moment to breathe! You are the best! I've locked my diary (tell me if it ISN"T locked...because I'm not sure I did it right) cuz a Honolulu newspaper reprinted what I'd written in it without my permission, which pissed me off royally. Send me an email letting me know if my diary shows as locked...I'll also tell you what your password is then to continue to have access!! xoxoxoxo
from goingloopy :
The Paxil may do some weird shit to you for a week or so (i.e., tremors, nausea, blah blah blah), and it takes at least 2-3 weeks before you'll notice a difference. However, stick it out, because SSRI's rock my world.
from maddeningly :
rory and cory? mmhm. *looks away*
from tater-fay :
of course you can use Sarah's picture...thank you SOOOO much!!
from wilberteets :
Shit. My happy face in the previous note is broke in two. I hate when that happens.
from wilberteets :
You are a woman after my own heart. Back when phone companies were paying 50 and 75 and even 100 bucks to win customers, me and AT&T became great friends over and over. MCI bought me back a few times. They finally caught on that I was a fair weather friend who could be bought again and again. :-)
from smedindy :
Me, I'm an UNFROSTED brown sugar cinnamon, or an unfrosted blueberry, though my Pop Tart devil is a toasted chocolate fudge Pop Tart. I could eat 1,432 of those...
from crazy4muffin :
"Ummmm, did ya get the memo"? God Lord. I would pay to see you look at him next time, cup your ear, and say "say again" "I'm sorry what"? "pardon". Bets on how many times he would repeat himself before he got the joke. It occurs to me that you have the perfect skills for being an executive secretary; all the big pay but limited liablility. I hope you get paid a lot at least. I bet your resume smokes!
from wilberteets :
Please tell me you've seen "Office Space". You are living it, I certainly hope you've seen it. The movie might trigger a fit of rage, but you can scream it out in the privacy of your own living room.
from smedindy :
Hey, you know, when Satan's Fast Food Place introduced the McNugget - they didn't have a set number, they just put them in the container so my best friend and I would always count 'em. Later, they became facists and just made them sixes, so there was no more overlording your buddy because you got seven nuggets. Once I got eight and he had five. I reigned supreme; then he stole my fries.
from goingloopy :
Drugs are good. And you are sooooooo like me. Except for the horses thing. I will not tell you that things can only get better, because saying shit like that is just tempting karma to show you what an evil bitch she can be. However, I will say that things usually don't continue sucking indefinitely. Hang in there.
from bluemeany :
"Hiiiii Peter. Whaaaaat's happening." <-- that is what I ALWAYS think of when you tell stories about your boss. Don't forget about your good friends: Ben, Jerry, and Margarita.
from nilliem :
Honey...praise all SSRI's cuz they do the trick! You *will* feel better, it will get easier and the dogs forgive because that is what they do best. {{hugs}} just because.
from crazy4muffin :
when your boss presented you with the toothbrush you should have exclained "oh goodie", stuck it in your mouth and commenced to brushing. If he is going to treat you like an idiot, you could act like on too. I will hence forth refer to him as Mr. Useless obvious observations. Tomorrow he will tell you that the sun always rising in the east. Really!? Thanks bob. You have the patience of Job.
from bluemeany :
Brad + Angelina = drooooool on the remote. Also, you need to get a new job. Preferably working for a human ... one with a brain. Let me know what you come up with, 'kay?
from wilberteets :
Hiya. I just now found your note. I do understand what you go through on that job. Been there, done that. Got the crappy T-shirt. Hang in there.
from crazy4muffin :
Just look your boss straight in the eye and announce "I have a yeast infection". Then watch him stutter and stumble out of the room.
from tater-fay :
God, thank you so much for writing an entry about Sarah. This is just unbelieveable and it amazing how much people (that haven't even met me) reach out to me on a daily basis. Thank you, sweetie!!
from goingloopy :
That's horrible about your friend...I will send positive thoughts their way and hope that at least the baby is ok. Thanks for your note...I do like your kitty picture. :) And I can't believe we haven't stumbled across one another yet, either, but hopefully we will continue to do so.
from crazy4muffin :
I just can't stop thinking about your friend. Having done this so long I am able to get past the legal shmegal fast and think about the other aspects. My heart has been heavy for that baby. There he is living under his mother's heart, not getting the benefit of her voice and movement. He/she will be born a remarkable survivor, but without a mother and a father in prison. Only a true monster would hit a pregnant woman. Only the devil would put a baby in a situation such as that. It makes you feel helpless. I told her I would answer any questions for her if she has some. I am sure they have a great prosecution team put together for her though. I don't know what to tell you about releasing the anger. There is nothing large enough to fill it.
from crazy4muffin :
I wish I could say I have no idea what that type of situation is like. My heart is heavy and sick for what your girl is going through. God bless them for hanging in there with her sister; for keeping her going so the baby can have a fighting chance. I hope they kill that piece of shit.
from bluemeany :
I love that at your work, the Kentucky Derby is considered a "special day." Maybe if it were the "K-Y" Derby ...
from crazy4muffin :
I'm thinking wouldn't that be a damn shame if something terrible were to happen to the Xerox machine. "I don't know how in the world a paper clio!? could have ever got stuck in there?!" Will cost them more than giving you one freakin day off.
from cruel-irony :
I hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving!
from crazy4muffin :
I'm thinking you should take the time to give yourself a manisure, while AT WORK! Not a quickie, but one with cuticle remover, base coat, French manicure, top ocat etc. Just sit there and blow on your nails next time he is asking you to do something. I call this "a Betty".
from crazy4muffin :
I'm thinking that is some f'ing Bullshit. You ought to tell him just what you posted. What is he going to do? Fire the best employee he has?
from bluemeany :
Your boss is a DICK! If I could, I would totally lend you my trusty semiautomatic rifle. I can't even imagine how badly you must want to hurt him.
from wilberteets :
You should keep your Wednesday off and when Friday comes, call in sick. It will be the truth. You are sick to death of the bullshit you deal with on that job, right? What's he going to do? Fire you? I don't think so. Take your mini vacation. Please? (He does you that way because he can.)
from nilliem :
Ya know, I never did do an entry about that. I wasn't updating regularly then. Look for one on that topic soon.
from jimmysworld :
You like to cuss and rant...but do you have limits?
from nilliem :
Honey...the last job I had, made me feel that way. I quit. 10 months later, I'm almost feeling ready to deal with working again. Almost. I feel your pain, and I pray it eases and/or stops.
from wilberteets :
It seems almost as if you are not enjoying your job to the fullest.
from smedindy :
Wild Turkey. That's what you need. Oh, and a hammer, too.
from smedindy :
One of my best friends college buddies got his ass fired as a lawyer because this idiot loser friend of theirs sent him weed via Fed Ex. Morans!
from djraindog :
OMG, I totally would've gone WAY passive-aggressive (or maybe just aggressive) on these people by now. At the very least, when handed the ten file-folders, I'd have said, "You know, in the five minutes you stood there waiting to tell me to do this, you could very easily have done it yourself..."
from crazy4muffin :
It's like attempting to digest ground glass, eh?
from bluemeany :
I heart Taco Bell. But ha ha, now you know what my Arabic Food Bonanza of Pain was like.
from smedindy :
I stayed away from Taco Bell for two whole years. Then I had a damn steak quesadilla. Taco Bell is the crackhouse of fast food.
from nilliem :
Foolish, perhaps, but you do have options. Try Prilosec, or perhaps Zantac...or, I've found that the fast melt (not long lasting) Tums are pretty fast working, too. The 'long lasting' ones are heinous tasting in the mint flavor, but perhaps the fruit ones aren't quite as bad. They work...take it from one who knows.
from cuppajoe :
Hi! Yes, that was me who had the "can I get a..." song in my head. I can't find the entry now, but it was me. :)
from crazy4muffin :
I have a Texas Monthly magazine cover that reads (well I'm paraphrasing because I can't find it) "Satan is a woman, the Pope is her puppet, and the world will end in three years" -The House of Yahwee (sp) Looks like Hawkins was wrong on that one too. I tried a murder case years ago where a guy killed his girlfriend will staying at one of their religious compounds. Amazingly enough when we showed up to the crime scene (a bunch of trailers with little picnic tables with religous statues glued) the place was void of anyone "witnesses". Poor gal got kicked to death by one of his guests. Probably had an STD, right?
from crazy4muffin :
You are better than morning coffee.
from crazy4muffin :
Bravo! My thoughts exactly. I am so over Madonna. It was fun back in the day of youth and irresponsibility. Now with some maturity I see her and cringe. And if she thinks she can bring back that seventies disco hair style again, she can go fuck herself and go alone on that one. I would sooner wear the cone bra.
from burnthelight :
You go girl! :)
from bluemeany :
DAMN STRAIGHT you have a diary, bitch! And don't you forget it! I think pretty much everyone I work with knows I have a diary (I have to explain the packages somehow), but they don't know where it is. Hopefully it'll stay that way. But whatever, it's not like they can fire me for it.
from latesttrick :
Yeah!
from cruel-irony :
JournalCon is AWESOME. And, somewhat weird when you think about it deeply. Such as... when I started my diary, I absolutely had no idea that it'd include such an activity. But yeah, it does. (I'd love to meet you, by the way.) You have to play it cool though because it's REALLY DIFFICULT to explain to folks who don't have an online diary. Or blog. Whatever. There was quite a bit of debate about terms this weekend, but I just write. Call it what you will.
from mordorr :
'you smile like a saint, but you curse like a sailor-' listen to dashboard confessional much?
from crazy4muffin :
I will drive in reverse down the interstate to work today.
from llttleslster :
Oh my lord SOMEBODY UNDERSTANDS ME!!!!! That is exactly how it is! No matter how funny it may be the first time, any other time just can't meet up to it. Only if I'm with my favorite friend Geri can it become funnier than before, because we laugh when we're together about nothing at all. AND.... Bless you, the Holy Grail is one of my all time FAAAAVorite Monty Python movies!!! :D
from llttleslster :
hehehe... that was (one part) I laughed at that nobody else did. I loooooved that movie!
from crazy4muffin :
I love 'brush with fame'. Years ago I had my photo taken with Randall "Tex" Cobb when he was booked into a county jail on misdemeanor marijuana possession. They made him spend the night. We treated him like anything but a criminal.
from bluemeany :
Dear, why did you decide the universe was a man? Now you've ruined it for yourself, because all he wants to do is fuck you.
from crazy4muffin :
How I wish you were my neighbor; only then could have someone to decide how damn ridiculous I looked climbing onto the roof this morning to tie a damn skeleton to the chimney. Happy f'ing Halloween. Don't have any milk to spare ya, lactose intolerant, but always have a beer.
from livesand :
AC current was perfected by the great crazy inventor Tesla when he worked for Westinghouse. And it's much more effective for ending mammalian life; Edison used to do public dog executions with AC circuits while trying to scare people away from using AC for household uses. Great guy.
from smedindy :
Oh, that would be fun! Can we discuss both Tesla the man AND Tesla the band. Because love will find a way. (Oh, and the wife will wonder who I'm sharing our bacon with - so that has to be on the QT...)
from unfukd :
How did you fuck it up?? It looks fine to me! I can't fix it right now, anyway; I have to finish my tiny bit of procrastinated work.
from junkcult :
I feel anger toward that old lady. I want to poop on her doorstep. And keep us up to date on that AC/DC thing. I need to know how it ends up. I've got money on the Westinghouse fellow. He seems more...um...manly. Funny again, Halo.
from bluemeany :
Just go to add entry. I added your name already.
from bluemeany :
That, I think, was the most ADD entry I have ever seen you write. Also -- dude, I started a new group diary for people who aren't getting laid! Are you getting laid? Because if not, you must join the diary. It's called unfukd. (HAHAHAHA. I am so funny.)
from smedindy :
I know who won! But let's face it, DC would have made things a bit more 'interesting'! Zap! Zap! Bzzzt!
from bluemeany :
"Female accompaniment" ... on what, on the fucking harmonica? Who even SAYS that? He's totally retarded to me now. Why not "We picked up a couple chicks," even? "Female accompaniment." Pshaw. What a fag.
from bluemeany :
I love when movie critics are evil and vicious. It makes up for all the glowing reviews my stupid faggish loser co-worker writes for (admitted!) ass-bombs like "Elektra."
from smedindy :
My best friend lived in Elizabethtown for a while. And back at the other entry that you linked to, us Hooisers also prounounce it Ver-sails. And it's Du-boys county. Geez.
from bluemeany :
Oh. I'm sorry. Did I fail to mention, AUTOGRAPHED? Because, yeah, Legolas? WROTE MY NAME. Booyah!
from bluemeany :
First -- I heart the sucky tube. And not in an ininuendo-laden way. Second -- Orlando (LEGOLAS) is coming to ME in stand-up-poster form (thanks to arc-angel), so hee hee HA HA HA! [big-ass-shit-eating grin] But I will tell his inanimate image you said Wassup.
from nilliem :
heeeheeeee....girl, you just made me control the Coke so it did NOT come spewing out my nose. That hurts! "I suck...you..." still laughing...
from djraindog :
Hey, Halo...Suzy V makes my world a better place. Also, in the case of most (if not all) cell phone providers, you could download a (probably tab-delimited) version of the bill from their online site and turn it much more quickly into a spreadsheet, rather than having to enter all that data yourself...
from bluemeany :
Welcome to my world, dearest. Welcome to my world.
from haloaskew :
Pfirsich (you don't have your notes feature enabled, so I'm leaving you this message here): The cat with the froggy hat has no symbolic meaning. Well, I could think of some symbolism if you prefer, but overall, I just liked the photo. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.
from pfirsich :
Why does the cat have a frog´s cap on,by the way? I was wondering. Does it mean anything? It is some kind of symbolism?
from crazy4muffin :
I like the Duraflame too However, there is a fine product on the market that burns flames in different colors! Seen it? You pay a bit extra, but it is cool. I do have a testimonial to the slow and sustaining burn of the Duraflame: Last year I fired one up but had neglected to open the chimney flue (sp?). As smoked billowed into the house I frantically attempted to get it open. When that wasn't happening I decided to put the fire out. No dice there. I had to get a wet towel, throw it over the Dura and heave it out the front door onto the lawn. It sat there and continued to burn for hours. And THAT, along with the barking dogs, is why my neighbors just can't say enough good things about me.
from crazy4muffin :
Quite frankly, I am speechless.
from bluemeany :
Dude. You ate MOUSE PISS. Thazjuznaaazty.
from crazy4muffin :
Anti-schnoodle? Mongrel? Didn't Hitler have some similar sentiments on "unpure" breeds?
from cruel-irony :
When I tried to follow your link to the anti-schnoodle site, my computer told me that was forbidden territory. I think my new computer is quite wise. But, HA!
from bluemeany :
Mmmm ... Snak Pak. What were we talking about?
from bluemeany :
Oh, I'll lick you with my boots, all right! Just you wait ...
from bluemeany :
Thank you for making me think about Giant Schnoodles. You bitch.
from cruel-irony :
Dropping by to say hi... HI!
from his-holiness :
I don't even like daquiris! I would simply croon you with Burt Bacharach songs.
from crazy4muffin :
Retarded girl bagger at my KROGER that tells me about her two cats every gdamn time I buy cat food. I tell ya though, after dealing with the shit bags at my job all day it just pisses me off that SHE can get and maintain a job and they cannot.
from bluemeany :
I think that "2 or 3 rotating retarded bagger guys" would be a great name for a band. Also, "The Horsie Treats."
from nilliem :
Yay for the moving neighbors! And YAY for the dancing...that was fun! :)
from bluemeany :
You said " 'House on Pooh corner' rap style." I believe the Apocolypse has come.
from crazy4muffin :
Official sign of Autumn for me was walking into KROGER, you probably heard of that place?, and saw the mums for sale! Autumn makes me want to have sex. What's up with that? The only redeeming thing about old man winter is that if he can muster up enough snow and mind "Official closing of governemnt Offices". Hell yeah! That shit doesn't happen in the summer.
from smedindy :
Kentucky winters have nothing on Indiana winters, because we don't know what the hell winter is going to be. Will it be nice or will it be a Nurse Ratched winter?
from awittykitty :
For me Autumn is Matthew Broderick because he's all kind of beige and brown now that he's hit 40 and Winter is Tammy Faye Bakker because she's all leaky and messy and you want to run when you see it/her coming.
from bluemeany :
Congrats, dude. That year went by so fast, I got allergies and the flu all at the same time. And then I got better.
from bluemeany :
Was she new? Please, dear God, for her sake, tell me she was new. Because otherwise, she just needs to be beaten.
from crazy4muffin :
Whatever you are getting paid, it is not enough.
from bluemeany :
I think your boss and my boss should get together and form a Remaining Sucky Together support group.
from smedindy :
Dang, you know you ought to stop caring and stop being so fast and all that at your job... Geez, next time he causes you to freak punch him in the nuts!
from ramblin-bill :
Loved the ABC Family entry. Thanks for the laughs.
from finjamartens :
Yeah,hey,that was really funny,too! Oh,hey,but one correction though:Sarah Michelle Gellar was AWESOME in Cruel Intentions. Reese Witherspoon,well,or her character was boring.I wanted Sarah Michelle Gellar to win the competition!The feud,I mean. OK,it was wrong,but Sarah looks just stunning.
from bluemeany :
I think I lost complete control at "oinking."
from berkinix :
She never saw the Lion King?! God, my brother-in-law would smack her! He cried with that movie. Just don't tell him I told you that.
from maddeningly :
(as an aside, i love the username 'crazy4muffin' .. heheh. it reminds me of a line from a prince song 'i got some buttah for your muffin' !! YAY!!) ok. so now the business end. i had zero interest in seeing the lion king. a friend actually had to FORCE me to sit down and watch it (and i LIKE kids movies and whatnot). i think it had something to do with the hype. but anyway, i loved it of course (just like i loved the incredibles this weekend gone, when the reason i didn't see it is because it was all hyped up). SO. what was i saying? the lion king! good movie! but it took me for fucking ever to actually see it. one last thing ... *MWAH* :)
from crazy4muffin :
One more comment on open water and then I just have to let it go. I thought the way she went off, without fanfair, no prayes, no hysteria, was absolute perfection. I completely related to the feeling. Sometimes you expend all this energy and emotion on a situation, you lament, cry, bitch, throw a temper tantrum, and it is all to no avail. It doesn't work and it doesn't change a damn thing. Mot that I would ever kill myself, I love life too much even though it sucks ass 90% of time, but I can totally relate. I have been that "emotionally spent" before. You get to that point where you are 100% spent. You cannot muster anything else. And you just say fuck it and let it go. Add to the fact that she was dehydrated and probably felt like she had to die to feel better. I think if she even had anything left, she wouldn't have done it. It just got me in the gut, I thought it was perfection.
from bluemeany :
What a loser. You should give her "Team America" and be like, "It's not a cartoon, it's PUPPETS! Remember, like Jim Henson? Only different, a little!"
from crazy4muffin :
I really dug "Crash". It kept me thinking for quite awhile. And "Open Water"- my dear God in heaven. Creepy. When she let her husband go finally, ooooooo.
from bluemeany :
I absolutely LOVED "Closer." I loved it even more when I realized it was based on a play, and managed to keep that whole stage feeling up. Plus, you're right -- that song was fucking amazing.
from maddeningly :
garden state is .. incredible. however, zach braff is MINE!!!!!!! :) all. mine. :p
from ghostofgor :
"Angel face, Sailor mouth" Truth be told if I wanted to get blown by a sailor, I'd of joined the navy. Or you "could" be a female sailor.....so then it makes sense. Sorry if I insulted you.
from crazy4muffin :
The second part of the entry was so amusing I almost forgot I had two cents left to weigh in on the issue of 'does Mexico have a militia'? They have some kind of something going on down there. Back in the day when I worked for a smaller office in a smaller town where we did things a bit differently, we had to call on the Mexican Federales for a wee favor. Seems one of their countrymen came to our town and killed a farmers son. He then fled back to Mexico. One of our deputies, well versed in the Spanish tongue, explained the situation, and that we would greatly appreciate their help por favor. Not only did we get the guy back, he also came with a written confession in hand. I understand a cattle prod was used somewhere in the process. Ouch. Also, my public education remembers that England owns more property and business in America than any other foreign country. So there. I think you are right to ask the Queen for an explanation.
from smedindy :
Though I'd rather her doing what SHE wants to do (Juliette) than what's EXPECTED of her by the media or whatever. Besides, she was Mallory and I'm afraid she'd cap me if I talked out of turn...
from bluemeany :
These days, what with Brad's ugly new hairdo, I think I'd rather have Angelina -- jizzed-on-by-Billy-Bob lips and all.
from tater-fay :
ooh..crime library..ooh..I'll be checking out that web-site. Sounds right up my alley. Speaking of Marvin Gaye. I used to own Duran Duran's video "Blue Silver" (which documented a 1984 tour) and the night after Marvin died they dedicated a song to him (I can't remember which one, though!)
from crazy4muffin :
Benjamin Bratt. Okay and all except for the fact that he used to sleep with Julie Roberts. And don't go saying she is a good actress, because she is not. After all, Benjamin dumped her. Thanks for putting that stupid Band Aid song in my head.
from bluemeany :
The Bandaid song. Is in my head. You? Suck.
from smedindy :
Yeah, but that's a tune that you can still get yer schwerve on too...even if he was a sick bastard.
from crazy4muffin :
I understand he was a smoker too- menthols. My God. Thanks for the link to yet another web site that will keep me busy and my yard looking like total ass.
from bluemeany :
He WAS a total fuckwad! I'm surprised he wasn't, like, a VAMPIRE too, or something. I think you said it best: oh my.
from smedindy :
Jebbus cripes - my eyes. The garden, she is blinding me!
from junkcult :
The thing on their table is a "gazing ball". You're supposed to put it in your garden and gaze at it...for peace of mind, I suppose.
from crazy4muffin :
Alright, damnit, learn how to edit a photo. The little box with the "x" is the sign of the devil to me. I'm betting by the time I fix another vodka and coke you while have it mastered. Go girl. Resize and edit.
from crazy4muffin :
Motel Hell! I haven't thought of that movie in years! I am looking at the boxes and thinking country Stone Henge (sp?). I am thining pot plants. I am thinking I need a vacation.
from finjamartens :
Haha,very sweet! Well,last time at my grandma´s we had established that *I* like bad weeds and pest plants better than roses. So you can only score.
from bluemeany :
Holy fuck, that is the worst herb-garden-placement I have ever seen. And right in the middle of the nice little sun-bathing yard, too! Those bastards.
from turgeis :
My dear, If you haven't all ready done so, please collect all of your receipts for gas expended on you job related erronds. Turne them in at the close of your next pay cycle for reimbursment. If they are not willing to pay for this expense, then you can and should stop making those runs. And they can not legally fire you over it.
from crazy4muffin :
That was damn funny, as usual.
from smedindy :
You can be the assistant to the very model of the modern major general! Why not?
from bluemeany :
Oh, I dunno! I've never seen "Untamed Heart," so I'll have to go for that one. Although Jim Carrey does cause me to nearly rupture my belly with laughter from time to time. Oh, and yeah -- I think when I get home, we should make a date to go redneck-watching sometime. I'll bring the camera!
from vickithecute :
My dad works for Domino's. He has ever since 1986. He loves it and makes good money because he works 60 bazillion hours a week. BUT - they don't really pay $10-$12 per hour. They pay a bit over minimim. You can earn up to $10-$12 (or more! I hate the "up to...or more" statement because it means NOTHING)...um...my point, oh yeah....they say you can earn that much with tips and mileage. Not that I thought you were really thinking of going there but no, they don't really make more per hour than you do. Unless they're my dad. Or something.
from beelucky :
A herb garden? What a shitty effin' idea. I like your idea though (it makes me laugh with evil glee). Muah hah hah ha!
from smedindy :
Oh, a HERB garden, eh??? Very nice. Maybe they'll go nutty and try to grow some exotic herbs and spices, like tarragon or cumin. Why not?
from bluemeany :
Haha! Your management's trying to make your complex into a hippy nudist colony, little by little ...
from crazy4muffin :
That was S-weet. I bet you would kill on a review of T.J. Hooker. Bad acting, bad toupees, Heather Locklear in her infancy. Can't you give them back the W/D and get credit on your rent?
from bluemeany :
If I hadn't loved you before this entry, I must say that I love you deeply and sincerely now. I have never seen such a brilliant review of "Little House" -- so tender, and yet so peppered with "fuck" and variations thereof.
from turgeis :
I see that you are really trying to maximize this opportunity with the W&D. It's a great idea to get to a someone in NO. If I my suggest, if no one has contacted you by noon, call the Habitat for Humnity or some other organization. Hell, you could donate it to the local fire department. I'm sure they would appricate it. Becasue of the time constraint, you may have to realize that, and be satified with, just donating the items and that's all. But I do applaude you efforts.
from maddeningly :
miss askew .. that is an incredibly generous idea! yay! :) i truly hope someone takes you up on the offer. ((hugs))
from tater-fay :
I had asked people to write me memories of New Orleans in my most recent entry and then I came across your story about New Orleans and the 9 volt battery...SWWWEEEETTT!!! I will let you know if any other stories top yours..(I highly doubt it!)
from bluemeany :
You said it, sister: FUCK!
from sunshine0221 :
I Love New Orleans! And I have a New Orleans internet dating story that I am too much of a wienie to tell anyone - although it does involve a naked woman and danger. But New Orleans is one of my favorite cities, and OMG the food!
from crazy4muffin :
I have traveled the world, yet I have never been to New Orleans. I keep hearing people refer to it as the 'murder capital'. My roommate, however, is in love with the place and keeps picking at me to go. So as of now, my only New Orleans experience is a coffee cup she bought there, and I borrow often.
from bluemeany :
That is the funniest story! I am so getting a nine-volt when I get home, and freaking the shit out of my husband. I'll tell him the Iraqis taught me a new trick. ;)
from crazy4muffin :
I would accepted a collect call from you today just so I could dish about the hurricane. My best friend is out on vacation and, like you, had to talk to myself. Here is my proposal, and I am sure you will back me up on this, we need to reinstate Marshall Law. Specifically the mandate that "looters will be shot on sight". I am talking about the fuckers that looted an entire K-Mart. Good God. I can see stealing a raft or food; you could claim necessity. But unless you are going to eat that Zenith television, I am going to cap your ass. Talked to a guy I work with. His mother in law lives out there and was flooded out. they are too afraid to ask if she had flood insurance. She paid her house off completely a few years ago. No mortgage = no mandatory flood insurance. Just gives me a sick feeling in the gut. If you had to leave, have you considered what you would take?
from maddeningly :
poor baby .. i'm really so sorry ((hugs)) ..
from bluemeany :
Rock on in heaven, Swangin.
from crazy4muffin :
Damnit that makes me sad. What I love though, what makes my heart warm, is that you tried; and no doubt he knew it.
from tinyhiney :
How is O'Riley doing? I sant a really small donation and heard back that the 48 hrs after the surgery were most critical, so I was wondering how he was doing. I hope he's doing ok and recovering nicely.
from smedindy :
Appliance whoresaler! That'll look good on the resume. Maybe if the ash flew into your ear - that would stop all future leaks!
from crazy4muffin :
Just say when.
from bluemeany :
Okay, I just sent it. Hie thee hence, and check thine e-mail!
from bluemeany :
Ewww, you NON-SHOWERER! You are NASTY! Also, nasty-ass, why have you not gotten my e-mails?!?
from maddeningly :
noooooooO! PLEASE tell me you're kidding about 'jermajesty' .. i'm too scared to google in case it's true!!
from smedindy :
"Waterbottoms?? Please sit down. You're disrupting the class again!" Heeee!
from bluemeany :
Good God, that is awesome. I want to be the lead singer of the Vegetated Waterbottoms, just so I could tell people that I was.
from crazy4muffin :
Buying the celebrity rag will only reinforce what you already know- Brad and Angie = tasteless. Yes that was me in the T-shirt. I will accept your invite to Red Lobster, but I insist on a side, and Boone's is a-okay with me, but let's make in strawberry. "Do-ism". I'm diggin it.
from bluemeany :
Okay, I did not get it. Am I an idiot? I check my spam box OBSESSIVELY, and I know I saw nothing that was not a penis-enlarger.
from bluemeany :
P.S. E-mail me, because I SO want that song from you!
from bluemeany :
Oh, grocery store antics! I miss them. I miss beer, too, come to think of it. And, you know, dick.
from crazy4muffin :
You forgot the Star magazine. I may be here to buy just beer, but at least I read!
from sunshine0221 :
Aww people who are softies for animals are the best. And I always feel that the animals that have been through bad stuff deserve a chance to have a great life. So glad that Swangin is doing better now.
from crazy4muffin :
You big softie. Good for you.
from crazy4muffin :
Remakes can be better. Witness Whitney Houston remaking Dolly Parton's "I will always love you". But now you listen to it and wonder "is Whitney singing about Bobby or the crack pipe?" Hmmmm.
from bluemeany :
Hey, you wouldn't happen to have that song "Homewrecker" by Gretchen Wilson, would you? I hate that bitch, but I LOVE that song! (I know, I know -- living in Georgia for two years converted me ... I suck.)
from bluemeany :
The troops could TOTALLY use a new washer/dryer! Hehehe
from djraindog :
Hey, Ms. Askew...Speaking of all my honesty, did I ever type the one about my illicit affair with the UPS guy? Heh-heh-heh. Sadly, he wasn't as good as he looked. *sigh*
from maddeningly :
ME!!! i bags fucking the guy thingo person!! MEEEEEEE!!!! I want the pickle!!! (now boys and girls. can YOU tell who hasn't had the pickle in quite a while? hmmm?) :P
from crazy4muffin :
Score! That will buy a whole lot o Bonne Bell lip smacker and beer! I am so excited!
from bluemeany :
You are my Jefferson Starship/Airplane/Starship/Whatever-the-fuck GODDESS. I bow before your cassette single!
from smoog :
Don't you mean *biting pickle*?
from smoog :
Fucking the UPS guy would definitely qualify as a "fortunate pickle", if you ask me.
from turgeis :
Found your D-Land via Dangerspouse. If I might offer you an option on the W&D. Donate the old ones to Habitate for Humanity. They should come pick them up for you and you get a claim on your taxes. Not the same as cash, but it takes care of getting rid of old W&D if you choose to do so. Congratulations, btw.
from crazy4muffin :
also, in re the hummingbird. We hate a big mean tom cat when I was a kid. He used to dig in the trash for scraps. One day he managed to get a fish hook stuff in and through his mouth. We all held him down and readied ourselves for a fight; my mother was to be the lucky individual to pull it out. That big ole mean cat just layed there, wincing, and let her take it out. No fuss, no muss. He just knew, like the hummingbird, that we were there to help him. Afterward, he gave her a few kitty rubs on her leg and then took off for more adventure.
from crazy4muffin :
You can definitely sells those bitches in the paper. People buy cars from the paper, right? Good for you!
from maddeningly :
i LOVE your hummingbird story. LOVE. as for the new whitegoods .. try ebay maybe?
from thecritic :
2,500 dollars for a washer and dryer? Does it load itself?! Anywho weddings... I just think it's funny that they're "a sacrament" when clearly they're straight from the loins of satan himself.
from adaveen :
MMMMMmmmmm, Blue Bell Ice Cream. My favorite is the Peppermint. I used to eat it for breakfast in college. Sometimes it's hard not to miss Texas. Oh, and the Fredricksburg peaches and cream. Now I've got ice cream on the brain.
from crazy4muffin :
Heard a person describe it as follows: "It smells like ass tastes". Work that one into your next complaint. You kill me.
from bluemeany :
Oh my God. "Grandmother's skankhole" should be an illegal phrase, because of the choking on my food which its use resulted in. Your words make me do such disgusting things!
from bluemeany :
I just got a chance to read some of your diary, and it made me shoot snot onto my keyboard! Hence, I heart you.
from crazy4muffin :
I will bring "C"reamed "C"orn and a "C"amera. Now that just screams "Blackmail". Since you are such a hottie at picking the winning horses, I would like to know how I can cash in on this. Pick me a good one. I got a fiver just burning a hole in my pocket.
from crazy4muffin :
A tattoo of Little Debbie on my forehead. Damnit my head hurts from laughing so hard! Agreement on the fish lips; they need to embrace the concept that "less is more". Angelina Jolie? I would like to tackle her and apply chapstick.
from crazy4muffin :
That was a great unload! Bravo for you. Sounds like you could put the diary right under his nose and the dickhead wouldn't recognize it anyway. "Keep it on the downlow so you won't get paid more"?! ASSHOLE!
from crazy4muffin :
Was that not a page just pulled from my most recent case?! Yeaaaah.
from maddeningly :
BAM! and WHAP!!, huh? I've always been too fond of POOF! :) (and yes, of course its me :p who else overuses brackets (as shockingly) and writes with WAY too many emoticons?? :p) HMM? WHO?? nobody. dats who. *mumbles* nobody but me. yup. *nods*
from maddeningly :
ok cookie .. no more need for shania :) and just by the by, if that cross disciplinary whatsit you spoke of is the only reason you're not applying for that job, take it from someone who has placed countless advertisements for project management jobs (and who actually was a project manager up until last year), PAY IT NO ATTENTION!!! APPLY! It's only there to scare off the people who are really just applying so they can tell the employment office they applied for something that week.
from crazy4muffin :
You continue to slay me.
from heidiann :
Ooh ooh ooh I'll bring a brick in a pillow case! Poor, poor Betsy...if she weren't pure evil, I'd pity her!
from andreeb :
The horse business is so like this. I was only in it for a year andmarveled over the total eat-shit, pay less attitude. Like you're supposed to be so grateful to sit near their horses that you'll work for free. Fuck them. Threatened to quit, he'll probably give you a raise.
from crazy4muffin :
Sounds like you ought to have your bosses job. Is there movement in this company? Can you expect to have his job if you hang in there. Or are you just there making him look good? I had to eat a lot of shit whilst "paying my dues". It was worth it though, because now I am the "boss man". Knew I never would be at my last gig; so after I sucked up all the valuable experience I could, I moved to a place that offered me a job the same day I applied. If you are going somewhere, grin and bear it and smoke many smokes; if this is going nowhere, don't sell yourself so cheap. They sure aren't going to ask you to leave.
from crazy4muffin :
I was first on the block to purchase the Pro Heat; I have scrubbed in the circular pattern til my hands bleed; I embraced the beauty and utiility of a properly placed throw rug. Finally I took out the biggest f'ing home loan known to man and got my entire house down in wood lamenent flooring. The only floor product I purchase now is the "Swifer" and I laugh my ass off at the dogs as they slide across the floor. May you win a Home Depot floor giveaway my friend and know the peace (and nice smell).
from ramble-on :
YOu have not seen the kiosks in the mall that sell pet clothes? They are all over the malls here in Maryland. The first time I saw one of these things I could not believe my eyes! It's like a build a bear store for your dog. Thank you for the comment =0) biodtl had a point. I was surrounded by people for two whole weeks, 24 hours a day. Always cleaning up after SOMEONE or running some sort of errand for them, or going somewhere. After five days of silence, no laundry, clean dishes and the like I thought I was going to go crazy!! I felt terribly guilty for wishing HE felt just as icky as me. I guess that was more the point of my entry than anything else. On a good note, I created a list of all of my owned DVDs and placed the link on my diary. Wootwoot.
from andreeb :
You know, I have been looking for that new Dove ice cream and can't seem to find it anywhere. It's very irritating. I can't fast. I have a lot of lard to support.
from crazy4muffin :
I too have considered fasting as a social statement against my grocery store. my grocery store choice always coincides with how near or far I received my last pay check. Just paid = Tom Thumb- so ridiculously overpriced it hurts, but oooh the choices. When I'm broke; hello Walmart shoppers. I hate Kroger I tell ya, hate em. That "rewards card" is the biggest gip off ever.
from omorfia :
jeezusFUCK! your sunday sounds SO much better than mine. granted practically anything is preferable to a severe ear infection and a broken heart. i'm coming over next weekend, babycakes. i'm bringing sprinkles & all the ingredients for my (no doubt soon also to be your) favourite cocktail. yup. :)
from crazy4muffin :
I am all over this new show now; hadn't heard of it, but am giddy with excitement to tune in. Seeing I still don't get the premise of "Dance 360" I might as well move on.
from andreeb :
I watch Blow Out sometimes too. Jonathan is such a diva, I feel like slapping him.
from crazy4muffin :
Thanks for you compliments on my entry, I really appreciate it. I don't have Java so I am therefore banned from the Diaryland chat club. I believe that is how you go to nominations etc? Regardless, thanks. A juror told me today that she doesn't like what goes on in society and therefore doesn't watch the news. I bit my tongue. I wanted to tell her that is the problem. Not enough people realize what is going on out there. Knowledge is power and the beginning to understanding for change. I guess it is my small way of educating the public; not to mention my best means of downloading the crap I see everyday.
from cruel-irony :
Oh, phone calls on Sunday morning? Huge pet peeve of mine. Especially, ESPECIALLY when they're wrong numbers dialed repeatedly, or when it's my mother. What a weird coincidence though.
from crazy4muffin :
That shit kept happening to me after a major storm. I assumed it was a stalker or a dslexic (sp). I hate talking on the phone. Hate it I tell ya.
from questquecest :
Yeah, I figured that's what happened, so I didn't know quite how to go about looking for it, so I perused whatever else was featured.
from questquecest :
I was reading your entry on the stupid sex offender, and realized that I knew practically nothing about it, besides what I happened to catch on TV, so I looked it up. Then I read the bit about the toddlers who were found in the trunk, and clicked on the link about washing machines (which didn't lead me to anything that concerned washing machines) and ended up reading about criminals for the better part of an hour. See what you did to me? Your writing makes me laugh, then read sad things. :o
from crazy4muffin :
I too had the no air conditioning, trial run through hell experience. It's a damn shame when you have to go outside just to cool off. How the hell is that possible? Absolutely f'ing miserable.
from crazy4muffin :
It doesn't take but a few minutes for them to be overcome with heat and lack of fresh air. How many people leave their kids in the car "just a second" to find them dying of dehydration. So sad. I see it every summer.
from ava-reborn :
Or even the tumble dryer! http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/news/articles/PA_NEWA6445731119719134A00?source=PA%20Feed&ct=5
from crazy4muffin :
I took my cat to the vet once for a simple surgery; they had to give him knock out drugs. He is coming out of the drug and wobbling around on the floor. The vet is making remarks and commentary on my dear sweet guy. The cat looks up and him, squats, and takes a huge dump on his examing table. Funnies damn thing I have ever seen. It took everything I had to hoist my fist in the air in triumph. Take that! That will teach you talk shit about my cat.
from crazy4muffin :
While I extend my most sincere "oh that sucks" and I still laughing my ass off.
from brooklyntcb :
today's entry is too funny!! I needed a laugh : )
from czarandom :
Thanks for the link to the creepy picture. Sheesh, I think I might be having nightmares too. Keep writing, you're funnier than unclebob in my mind.
from crazy4muffin :
Customs, sheeesh. Two years ago me and the mom traveled overseas to the homeland. In the interest of appearing "fair" and not wanting to be "politically incorrect" US customs had to randomly pull white women in their 50's, wearing a Talbot's pantsuit, and clearly a housewife of 40 plus years, to pull apart the entire contents of their carry on luggage for closer inspection. That would be my mother. Good job guys. Let's not offend the obviously suspicious people; let's waste time doing this! They ought to just drop kick Squiggy's narrow ass right back across the border. Who are we afraid of offending? The Canadians? Are you kidding?
from czarandom :
happy birthday, keep on truckin'.
from crazy4muffin :
I loved that entry. I am so impressed with a woman that can embrace and make fun of the fact that her dogs shit and piss all over the house. Have you tried straight bleach in the "rent shampooer" from your local grocer? Now that will open some sinuses. Not to mention give you one hell of a damn back ache. Also, enough already with Tom Cruise.
from andreeb :
god i hate tom cruise. such a jackass.
from betchy :
hi, was sent here by Vicki as she says you're hilarious, and quite frankly, i could do with a laugh. so thanks.
from djraindog :
*hugs* Um...Hunny? You okay? 'Cause I never seen you like this afore 'n it worries me a smidge. (Sorry...pathetic attempt at backwoods-speak...) ;-)
from andreeb :
Wow. Are you sure we aren't sisters? Because I think you're talking about MY dad...
from crazy4muffin :
Ouch. I am hesitant to respond to your entry; it sounds like an extremely personal thing you got going there. However I will say I am constantly amazed how some people are incredibly talented, funny, and witty, in spite of their parents.
from crazy4muffin :
That iz amazin amigo. Hope you get some free crappy jewelry at least for all your trouble.
from andreeb :
Ahahahahahahahahahaha! You're right, it is a little schizo (my layout that is) I'm just going through a phase :)
from crazy4muffin :
Oh she put two and two together; because your mother works for the CIA! Ten bucks says she is sporting a tin foil hat.
from aimeesnoise :
Thank you for that small note on Tom Cruise and his new child/ girlfriend... I shot coke through my nose while watching him on Oprah make a complete and utter jackass of himself over and over... All in the name of his "love for his WOMAN". BLEGH idiothole. Glad to see someone else is discusted too. :p
from andreeb :
Yes, I believe lunatic is the right word in this case :)
from andreeb :
OK, Priscilla has always been scary, but I guess the botox is making her even weirder. I have always despised the whiny and slightly lispy Katie Holmes. It's weird, in all the pictures, she doesn't even look into him.
from crazy4muffin :
That was hysterical. I try to maintain the three car lengths on the high way rule from drivers ed 101...to no avail! Apparently I was the ONLY one paying attention in class and not ditching or smoking in the breezeway. It's a safety zone, not a spot for you to pull into at 110 mph to get to your miserable destination two seconds faster. Bastards. But will the scootch. Oh no.
from crazy4muffin :
You could have fucked with her a little and sent a follow up note from God telling her not to look a gift horse in the mouth- just shut up and be grateful someone other than your bear is talking to you. Now leave the nice people at the horse farm alone. -God.
from vickithecute :
What about Target? Do you have a Target? There's no Target within 90 miles of Bobby (my fiance, who lives in Pikeville). Nor is there a TGI Fridays. Or even an Olive Garden. Oh the humanity.
from crazy4muffin :
To not celebrate $20,000 by taking your friends to Hawaii and dancing naked is a damn affront to the rest of us poor folk. And to think I stand on my chair in the casino, drink hosted in the air, yelling oooooooh yaaaaaaa! when I get 200 credits on the nickle slot.
from vickithecute :
Ahhh....you had me up until the "Kentucky is for losers"...I heart Kentucky...Kentucky has HILLBILLY DAYS!!! WOOOO!!! (But then again, I don't have to live there. It's quite telling when the most exciting news my future mother in law has for me is "They opened a Blockbuster")
from crazy4muffin :
I just shot coffee out of my nose from laughing.
from purpleworm :
woohoo derby party at Halo's place
from andreeb :
Gah! Great entry :) I saw a commercial for the Derby yesterday, something about George Steinbrenner. God help us if he wins...
from andreeb :
You're right. They DON'T pay you enough. I got kicked by a horse once, but he really wasn't rough. It hurt a whole lot more when I got bit.
from tater-fay :
yea...I saw that Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise thing as well and had the same reaction...what the fuck, man?? ick.
from crazy4muffin :
complete madness. What next? Brad and Jen break up? Wait, didn't that....?
from andreeb :
FREE PIZZA! FREE PIZZA!
from crazy4muffin :
You can always resort to "I found a hair in my pizza". Chances are, if you look real close, there is a hair in your pizza. Who days the service industry is going to hell. I am impressed that he didn't kiss corporate ass and threw them under the bus.
from andreeb :
I honestly think some people have horrible systems just to make sure no one can ever do their jobs when they're gone. She's justtoying with you, laughing at you!
from wickedcrazy :
hahahahahahaha! I just spit milk through my nose!
from crazy4muffin :
Reminds of a movie called "Faces of Death". It showed a family driving through a wild life park with many signs prominently displayed with the admonishments to the effect of "don't fuck with the bears for Christ's sake". This guy is leaning out the window of his station wagon with a bag of wonder loaf bread. "Honey, I don't think that is such a good idea". Some family from Iowa is filming it from the safety of their Vista Cruiser. They managed to catch the bear disemboweling the idiot. Last scene is bear exiting left with entrails hanging out of his mouth. Eeeew.
from andreeb :
EX-CUSE me, but I demand a new entry. I'm getting Halo withdrawal
from crazy4muffin :
I set my radio alarm clock to a Spanish music station. It is absolutely crazy! I guarantee it will get your ass up make you polka to the shower.
from lostimmortal :
Few people could make an entry about crab fishing interesting. Bravo on that. In fact, bravo on just having an all-around great diary. Makes my day when you've got a new entry.
from crazy4muffin :
The last time someone dropped a plate of Alaskan King Crab in front of me I took one look at it and proclaimed fuck it. It was too hard a meal to tackle. I prefer easy shoveling. Given this behind the scenes description, I will heretofore respect the process and make a genuine attempt to get at the meat. IF not for the men on the boat, then in honor of poor Homer who was ripped out of his Lazy Boy recliner while watching Columbo
from tater-fay :
Hee Hee..I guess Diaryland isn't a small world, but it's cool that you are corresponding with adaveen, who was one of my best friends when I was a teen. WOW!
from crazy4muffin :
Actually, it is a state jail felony in Texas; "credit card abuse". One that carries a maximum of two years day for day time. Tell your to keep in touch with the DA on the case and insist the shit bag gets the max.
from andreeb :
Oh no they DIDN'T in my state!!!! We kill people for much, much less than that.
from ramblin-bill :
That sucks - I hope they catch the fucker.
from adaveen :
About a month or two ago I began reading your diary and decided to start from the beginning. I got hooked on the Slammy saga which was hilarious. I decided to drop you a note, because I'm up to the Twang-Twang-Shock-A-Boom entry and that was a real blast from the past. I lived in the Co-op across the street from his Co-op in Austin back when I was a wee young thing. My best friend at the time took their promo pictures. I just moved into an apartment and my roommate was unpacking and lo and behold found a box of Twang... cassettes.
from omorfia :
i can't stop giggling (though with hand over mouth, pained-i-feel-SO-sorry-for-you look in my eyes) .. heeheee. i'm sorry. that was just so damn good. I cast an eye over the notes before i clicked on the 'add one of your own' dealie and the one hissanftell left made me think of my phone. when i try to type in 'home' (sending sms), the first word suggestion is 'homo', so i always end up writing 'i'm homo' or 'are you homo?' not quite as funny as yours, but it's good for a giggle :) having said that, i understand that it DOES make me giggle because i'm a 12 year old boy.
from doghigh :
That last entry was fucking hysterical. I love the dookie bag to the forehead thing...priceless.
from ramblin-bill :
I also clicked on the apathy banner - glad I did! Great dog story. (I am only going to leave one comment about it though...) :-)
from hissandtell :
Clicked your apathy banner, darling - it occurred to me you may be interested in this site (http://www.dogcondoms.com/) for your more, ah, experimental best friend. Ostensibly they come (heh - I said "come") in meat flavour, but I feel sure they could cook up a special dick-flavoured variety especially for Buddy! Hey, don't leave home without 'em. Love, R xxx
from tiffyjo1010 :
Wow the dog story was hilarious. It craked me up. Tiffany
from tiffyjo1010 :
Wow the dog story was hilarious. It craked me up. Tiffany
from liquid-mojo :
It's one of those things where a desciption doesn't really give it justice. You actually taste it to get the whole picture. I guess I'll try though. Af far as the oranges go, they don't really stand out in flavor but it does add to the texture. Remember they are Mandarin oranges, so they more or less a different texture and they are a little sweeter and less tangy than regular oranges. The "Oriental Sesame" dressing that comes with it is a little sweet too. It's also served with almonds and those crunchy chow mein rice noodles so all the flavors and textures really compliment each other. I'm a actually little surprised that this is the first time you have seen fruit on a salad. There should be at least one on every menu especially those "summer salads" chicks like to eat. I mean come on now, we are talking salad here, not some larvae infested fear factor challenge... ;)
from msmmack :
I laughed through your entire entry. Thank you for making it worthwhile to click your banner, unlike so many banners out there.
from andreeb :
Oh my. Are you still holding the poop right now?
from liquid-mojo :
It's an acquired taste I suppose. You could always order the Chicken BLT salad if the orange thing doesn't agree with you. =p
from ramble-on :
OK, just once, or twice I will call him that. Because that's how friggin COOL I am. I'm also an attention whore, and will do most anything to get attention. Here's a story about John Denver, I was living in Denver at the time of his death (I think), or at least moved there shortly after he was killed. The company my EX worked for somehow acquired one of JD's old planes and had some sort of HUGE Christmas shindig in an airline hanger to advertise this fact. I DON'T believe it was one he had made, but certainly, I would have thought twice about buying it. But, that's just me, and what the hell do I know? There is just NO WAY IN HELL I would fly a puddle jumper over Wyoming OR Colorado. EVER. I'll leave that crazy stuff for people who seem to have a death wish. Yes, I am aware that he died over Montego Bay or something like that. Perhaps Rosanne could have been in that plane. We need Bob Saget as a reminder of what kind of stuff NOT to put on TV. Rosanne on the other hand, well, she isn't good for much of anything except singing national anthems and what not.
from loner-blues :
I know, how could anyone possibly have ANY complaints about dear old Diaryland? *SNORT* S'cuse me. May I have a margarita please? :-D
from ramble-on :
PS...Peanut Finger failed. HOWEVER, secretly, I call him Craker Whore.
from ramble-on :
Let's not forget when Kurt Cobain died. I belive George Burns died at the same time (couple days before, couple days after). I wouldn't know, the media whores only gave airtime to the dead druggie and said dead druggie's druggie wife. God forbid the media remember George Burns for anything special he did. For all we knew, he was a cigar smoking old guy that did nothing but waste time and space for 96 years, because frankly, all the TV stations were mourning the loss of some young druggie that apparently changed the face of music. Certainly he did, he made me realize that dedicating my entire life to the entertainment and happiness of others means nothing and that overdosing on drugs is hella cool. ~grabs for my crackpipe~ Just call...Cracker HO.
from crazy4muffin :
Appears we might be sitting shoulder to shoulder in our respective "church". I laughed out loud. And guess what? I wasn't struck by lightening. I insist on a party hat on the dog to make the polka complete.
from andreeb :
You are effing hilarious. Damned pope. He's gonna live forever. He's been dying for 10 damned years. Someone get that man a Twix, STAT!
from crazy4muffin :
In re the "Lemons". Why can't they just stay inside, play video games, eat cheetos and become morbidly obese children? What's up with this "play outside" crap? You need to pass out an anonimous (sp) flyer warning of a child molester/kidnapper roaming the streets. Let's keep em inside folks.
from crazy4muffin :
Am I in to Butchers Hallow? Like a Rooster into the hen house in Spring. I will even pack the picnic lunch. Lest we forget the even better line "Doo, go on and quite that. You soun like an ole beaaaar". How could we forget, and not actively incorporate into our vocablulary "woman, if you want to keep that arm you better get it off my man". And that you Doo for "Get on over here before I whip some hinney". I sieze any opportunity to use these phrases. Why yes, you can gladly "carry me a visiting" to Kentucky. Bring plenty of film.
from hissandtell :
Hi, gorgeous; thanks for the lovely note. Yes, I think we're meant to be, and one simply cannot fight fate! I read several of your entries yesterday and will be sure to come back for more. Meanwhile, let's just keep running circles around everyone else, okay? Love, R xxx
from ramble-on :
"Instead of "The Bird," why not just name it "The Finger"? ;)" ~LMAO~ Hey, if I had not named the bird like half an hour before reading this, I would have done it. Instead, after fighting over Peanut and Jellybean (Boyfriend was going to call it Beaner all the time) I decided Peanut would be more politically correct.
from lostimmortal :
Good Lord, you're funny! I do love funny people. Especially funny people that are smart and funny -not just funny because they fell down the stairs. People who fall are funny, too. Hmm. I'm rambling. But hey! You're funny. Mind if I add you to my favorites?
from ramble-on :
Oooh...stale popcorn sans sitting out in a bowl overnight! How cool is that? Nothing makes me more giddy than finding something in the cupboard like caramel packets that should have been used on the popcorn many moons ago, but is now heated up and used for dipping apples or something.
from andreeb :
Ooohh. Good idea. Take their shit. They'll definitely stop leaving it out that way!
from czarandom :
e-mail me your address, I'll mail you a hammer and child sized restraints along with some pointers for black-market trading.
from gothangel :
I agree with you, on the 'terri shavico' case. Her parents are the shelfish one's for wanting her tube re-inserted, instead of respecting her wishes and let her go which would end her misery, they'd rather have her in vegetable state, 'cause that's the fact if the tube would be re inserted... It's become a national obsession, she needs to be put outta her misery and put to rest.
from purpleworm :
Well being a big burly fellow of seemingly questionable lineage myself I'm ok with that.
from purpleworm :
LOL I'm going to take that as a "yes I can add you to my buddy list". Now about this chimp thing we may have to discuss that ....
from purpleworm :
Ok Ok after starting at the beginning of your diary I no longer like you, I frekkin' adore you. If you ever need a stalker guy I'd like to apply.
from purpleworm :
LOL ok, ok I like you & your diary (I know I know a total stranger liking you & your diary has been the culmation of your life long dreams & hopes) I'd like to add you to my buddies list but since I write a *looks over shoulder* whispers "a sex diary", I figured I'd ask before adding you. if you'd rather I didn't I'll just bookmark you instead. I look forward to reading all of your diary over the next few days. Best wishes
from andreeb :
Ewwww... I never heard that John Stamos story. So not surprised. Good looking guys are usually pigs. Not all, but you know what I mean. Still, we can hope that he's grown up since then. Hope.
from tater-fay :
Ya know..I have had the fortunate experience of sitting on Satan's Face. It is the perfect way to keep toasty on those cold winter nights...hahahaha.
from tater-fay :
That's interesting (and sounds frustrating) about your stint as a transcriber. Luckily, this ladies taped phone conversations are almost always crystal clear (unless she starts talking over the other person, or vice-versa..ha ha)so it's been a piece of cake for me so far!
from czarandom :
TESTIFY!
from andreeb :
STUPID RENT BASTARDS!!!! I can't tell you how much misry and indignity I suffered at the hands of apartment dwelling. Usually by horrible neighbors. But management had its moments, too. I WANT TO RUN THE WORLD!
from stealmypurse :
Thanks for the note! What a great way to start my day off of school due to food poisoning. Yeah. Woo. But anyway, the book is a lot different than the movie due to of course time constraints in filmmaking leading to condensed versions. I do love both though. Nick Hornby is probably the greatest male British author of today. And hey, I noticed you love Josh Groban too. I just attended his concert in February. Be still. My Heart. I love him too so that's another thing we have in common. Check me out anytime. I don't update much in March with March madness but I am always around for notes. Toodles. Ahna.
from stealmypurse :
Eh, hello. Random person coming from random corner of diaryland to tell you well done. I adore your diary and I am adding you. With permission of course. Keep in touch if you please. Toodles. Ahna.
from fan4 :
Does the cat in your template belong to you?
from czarandom :
Watch out for brain freeze whilst servicing OMW ;)
from omorfia :
i'm all caught up on your life now. i adored the most entry. 'ourmims' drawings were gorgeous! hows your dad doing? and electric dreams! ADORE that movie. its so hilarious that your cat is named moles :) *mwah*
from djraindog :
"Jimmie Rodgers on the Victrola up high"...His voice has haunted me all my life...When I was a small child, I was given the 45 RPMs that belonged to my Mother and her siblings when they were younger, and to their parents..."Honeycomb" and "Kisses Sweeter than Wine" were among them, but on the flip-side of one of the two (I can no longer recall which -- the 45s are now once again in my Mom's possession) was my favourite of all, a ballad in 6-8 time, dripping with strings, called "Their Hearts Were Full of Spring". Is it on your disc? All I can remember is the final verse: "Then one day, they died, and their graves were side by side on a hill where robins sing. And they say violets grow there the whole year 'round, for their hearts were full of spring." My memory is a strange device, no?
from czarandom :
Beautiful, absolutely beautiful... please don't hurt me for saying so (unless it's in a fun way;)
from czarandom :
True story: Within the code for excel there is a logical proof of satan's existence and means to ressurect him, that happens when they compile the code. ;)
from radiogurl :
Man... Is that all you do??? Can I have your job????? Does it at least pay minimum wage??? (I'm sort of kidding. If you had any idea...)
from andreeb :
Whoa. good luck with spreadsheet hell.
from dangerspouse :
And I've missed you too, Bitch. Despite whatever lame-ass excuse I gave in my diary, that's the REAL reason I returned. You my girl, a'ight? Anyways, I heard one of the founders of The Onion interviewed on NPR a couple of weeks ago, and he said that EVERY issue they get indignant letters from people who don't realize the stories are fake. And the single most outrage provoking article they ever printed was about a Chinese couple who had sextuplets, and had the heartbreaking task of deciding which 5 they should throw off a cliff because of China's "One Child Only" policy. God, I wish I could come up with brilliant stuff like that instead of used Maxi-Pad stories!
from vickithecute :
And Hillbilly Days is in April too! But that's okay, I visit Kentucky 'bout once a month regardless of how purty (or not, in the case of Winter) it is....my sweetie lives there so I kinda have to. ::grins::
from andreeb :
Oh my God. That's all I can say. Your coworker is a retarded zombie.
from doghigh :
Good lord mention travel to me and that perks me RIGHT THE HELL up!!! I am packed and ready to go. I have never been to South America or Africa or Asia...so much to explore!!! Pick a place! Because ultimately, you are right in your note...in depression we tend to see only the corridor, seemingly very long and endless, in front of us and not think about the big, beautiful, scary, fascinating world at the end. Thanks for pointing that out...now get on to Orbitz!! ;-)
from liquid-mojo :
Yeah I had some mindless fun. It might have been better if I were a little more coherent, but you cant have it all I guess...
from chaosbean :
again, I am just as confused as you are...
from spritopias :
My tech support requests always get answered, I don't know why.
from andreeb :
Oh man, template horror. thank God it's over. Definitely do it on worktime. No one should spend as much of their personal time doing this crap as I did...
from czarandom :
It's goofy to keep you laughing through this. Godspeed.
from andreeb :
Oh my God, Hilary Swank, SHUT UP!!!!!!!!! I thought they were going to have to push her off the stage. She looked good though. Why does everyone have to pick out their humblest heritage at these things. "I'm just a girl from Africa!" "I'm just a kid from a trailer park with a dream!" Ugh.
from andreeb :
Cheating bastard. I thought he was The One. Well, there's always Geico.
from andreeb :
Julio?? MY JULIO?
from andreeb :
I think there's one across the street from Whole Foods (steakhouse) but I'm not positive. I've lived in Austin for 5 years. Moved here from NC (4 years there) and have adored Texas. I am not a huge fan of the southeast, for a variety of reasons. But I love Texas! And, hey, at least you remember the word foal. I was a groom at Belmont and Aqueduct, then gave trail rides at Mohonk Mountain House in New Paltz, NY. People who can't ride horses should not be giving trail rides... This is my great wisdom. Now.
from andreeb :
As further evidence of our sisterhood, I must reveal to you that I once quit journalism and spent a year working with horses. The difference between us is that I sucked at it!
from czarandom :
My heart goes out to you, you'll keep it together kiddo. :Ţ
from cruel-irony :
I'm so sorry. Long distance emergencies are quite disturbing. Well, any emergency is unsettling. More so when it's a family member. Best wishes. And, glad to see you've kept your humor. It's handy in these instances.
from liquid-mojo :
Hopefully the baby plastic Jesuses baked in theose cakes are made too large to swallow like those made for toddler toys, not that "death by jesus" wouldn't make a notable entry in the Darwin Awards. =p
from andreeb :
Hey, don't blame yourself. Things get out of control when pizza enters the picture :)
from liquid-mojo :
No, I can't say that I've ever been "lucky" enough to nearly choke on a plastic Jesus. That's an interesting Mardi Gras tradition though. Though the thought itself is somewhat amusing, I hope did something like that didn't happen to you.
from cruel-irony :
There is not much that's worse than when a work errand, done once as a favor, becomes a permanent albatross around your neck. Except maybe the complete lack of appreciation that comes with it. Totally sucks.
from andreeb :
Yeah. Welcome to the perils of St. Lawrence, my Catholic school nightmare.
from andreeb :
There was a kid in my grammar school who was in the *Underoos* commercials. Can you imagine? He wore the Robin roos. To make it even scarier, this made him popular.
from dangerspouse :
Woohoo! Thanks for pointing me to this entry, Skewie! What a great, funny movie review. I've never seen "The Omen", but it's now on my "To Rent" list. If only because my own mother WAS a dog, and I want to see if the movie one bears any resemblance. I may be able to sue! I've gotta admit, I thought the same thing about Linda Blair's parents after watching "The Exorcist". Sure, most young girls masturbate with a crucifix. But in front of their parents on a movie set? It takes a special set of values for that.... Thanks for the great note, babe!
from cruel-irony :
I hate it when I have spent months preparing a response, getting caught off guard and then babbling like an idiot.
from andreeb :
My favorite crime story came from a Georgia newspaper. "Man holds up clerk with plastic cup." "Woman shoots man over Vienna Sausage" was also a classic.
from omorfia :
*falls over, laughing* (or is it the brain tumor?) EITHER WAY!!! Funny stuff :)
from dangerspouse :
Hey, you used the word "Armageddon". YOU RIPPED OFF MY DIARY, YOU BITCH! That was MY word this week! I suppose I can forgive you (since it's my place to do so) as a mullet pic on a resume may indeed be the sign of an impending Armageddon. Shit, that was a funny entry. Even if it hit a little too close to home for me, having once included a pic of my back hair on an application for a cooking position for some reason. Oooh, the kite store at Willowbrook - I remember that! "That store blows" was my Big Witty Comment the first time I saw it. Ah, the good ol' days.... Luv ya, kiddo :)
from andreeb :
I don't know who you are, but I found your diary and I'm crying from laughing so hard. You're great :))
from aimeesnoise :
LMFAO you are just too much. Thanks for the laughter... I peed my pants. ;P
from dangerspouse :
I don't know any words. Shit.
from czarandom :
splendiferous, taint (old fave of mine), "Jesus Biscuits!"... let me know if you need more
from dangerspouse :
Shit, I can't believe I didn't get one of those lint stuffed pillows. Hey Skewy, I may not have been worthy of one of your homespun craft projects, but I wanna thank you anyway for the gift of hilarious entries you always bring me. They're better than any WalMart 2-pack of socks I'm usually blessed with. Hang in there babe - and a Merry Christmas to you, regardless! Tom :)
from czarandom :
well now shit. I don't think anyone expresses holiday cheer quite as well as you do. thank you.
from omorfia :
i'm with you in the poor boat this christmas, babycakes. it sucks. buuuuut .. what are you gonna do? your family love you anyway. :) well - maybe not the kids .. but who cares about the little shits anyway? *mwah* Merry Christmas!! :)
from czarandom :
doesn't the bitterness lead to the need for therapy anyway? ;)
from gracielou345 :
You're a nut! Thanks for the laugh. I needed that this morning and actually might be hungry for ham as well.
from whatsmypoint :
So right about Check 21. Bankers and insurance salesmen are the leeches of American commerce.
from tater-fay :
congrats on not having crabs! I'm so glad I've never gotten them, nor any veneral diseases..I was a teeny bit of a slut at one point in my life. That period of my life is over and so is all the fun (JUST KIDDING!)
from czarandom :
I agree about ohio. -cza, columbus, ohio
from czarandom :
I'm having a little difficulty believing that the dog incident actually happened, I didn't think there were really people like that. In other words, are you lying, or should I fear more for humanity?
from cyanideeyes :
Poor kids.
from omorfia :
you so funny. :) that litter of pups to the pound thing though .. that's not funny. i fucking HATE people. really.
from arc-angel666 :
I don't think I have ever seen Velveeta presented in that light before. Next time while feasting on Velveeta and shooting Heroin in the main vein under my tongue I'll think of you. lol.
from maliger :
Wow, I'm wondering if you could not be so hard on yourself. Even in jest.
from dangerspouse :
My god, you can afford REAL Velveeta?! Sheer luxury! I always opt for the store brand (.29 / lb, for which you have to forego the orange color, dang it). Hang in there, Martha! I'm a'waitin for you on the outside. Look for the guy in the wifebeater and no ankles....
from neonheart :
you are far too amusing :D
from pickawinner :
Your journal always makes me laugh. I've often imagined jumping ship to work in the thoroughbred industry, so I'm living vicariously through you. Keep updating, puh-lease!
from pinkytusk :
I was under the impression that perms had ceased to exist anymore. I'm relieved to know they are still alive and well in Kentucky.
from tater-fay :
Man. I had the WORST perm when I was in 6th or 7th grade. It was forever immortalized in my school pictures for that year. It was of the Greg Brady style and in the picture my perm is lopsided on one side and my glasses are sitting crooked and lopsided AND to top it all off I was wearing a velour v-neck pullover in fuschia...EEEK!
from gumphood :
what a great banner
from dangerspouse :
"Looking like Ron Jeremy's groin"...so she has a huge nose on top of everything else?! Good god, the poor girl! Hey, thanks for the fuckin' note - "I TRIED to vote for you, really!" Hey, that don't butter the buscuit, sister. You don't get the dollar. ACK! You were a Willowbrook Mall Rat! What a suprise. You may have seen me - I was the guy in the panties. And little strapless DKNY number.
from dangerspouse :
I know this is a "calling the kettle black" note, but...It's been a month now - where the hell are you?? Hey, at least stop by and vote for me! (This has been a self serving Public Service Announcement.)
from dangerspouse :
Alright, ALRIGHT! Here's your fucking note already!! Jesus, heartless bitch! Ah well, that's the typed I'm attracted too. Don't worry, I'll still read your shining diatribes about how shitty it is being so poor that you have to neglect the cat who loves you unconditionally. Nice. Listen, just steal the damn money. It's a win/win situation: if you pull it off, you have enough money for vet bills. If you don't they toss you into prison where you get a roof over your head, 3 square a day, and regular sex. And they put your kitty outta her misery for free. What could go wrong? Later, Cruella!
from omorfia :
you poor bub. and in a new town you must feel kinda lost. i shall take this moment to sob with you .. i found out i have one week left with my cassa-pup (diagnosed with bone cancer this morning) and i'm about an inch away from a two person workplace massacre. today sucks arse. i'm sending cuddles to you and your kitty (((cuddles)))
from omorfia :
HootItUpMyAss .. heeheehee! i am still giggling like a 'tard over that one. can't.stop.laughing. actually, what i came here to announce is i heard hootie this weekend also and felt nauseous. not to the point where i needed to call them 'HootItUpMyAss' .. (laughing) .. but yeh. It was pretty disturbing. And the dolphin thing? Man. Wrong. They are wrong.
from dangerspouse :
Wait...wait...you're gonna have to dumb things down for me. I did not understand anything you wrote in your latest note at my place. You know how us men are - we're no good with hints, subtlety or innuendo. Whatever coy feminine sentiments you were trying to get across were just too demure to register on my Chick Radar. I think you wanted to come over to eat something. GREAT! I have some old Hootie CD's we can toss on the fire, and I'll break out the Twister and Mazola. Then you and wifey can fight, and *I'll* watch as you kiss and make up! Good times, I tell ya :)
from dicentrah :
Here's the thing: I like her books about teenage girls. Granted, maybe that's because I'm stuck somewhere in prepubescense, but I'm alright with that. It's more like being a 15 year old, randy, stupid body-function joke making teenaged boy...but whatever. I enjoyed, much, the latest one I read (what the hellfire was it called? Urg. Can't remember) about the girl who tried to be a girl scout, but couldn't muster the enthusiasm for it...and befriended an older man who subsequently died. Oh hell yes. Any time I'm feeling premenstrual, or a ridiculous need to shed way too many tears over something that doesn't even involve me, I just pick her up. Yep. Good times. Okay, haloaskew, you've won my loyalty. I'm adding you as a fave.
from dicentrah :
Yes, Elizabeth Berg. She's one of my faves. I notice she has a new book out in hardcover. It took all the control I had not to buy it when I was perusing a bookstore here in town that's closing and is offering a 20% discount on all books. Must. Control. Fist. of. Spending!
from dangerspouse :
I can't believe you didn't know not to staple pages together these days. Where did you grow up, Riyad? Don't you know that staples are the, uh, staple tool if international terrorism now? You're lucky Tom Ridge didn't come personally down to escort you to a boxcar cell in Guantanimo. Sheesh. (HA! I enjoyed your confusing "Sex Group" for "Sew Group". Those old ladies sure would have been suprised...)
from omorfia :
i wish for one of those irishmen you mentioned :) one that's tall, well hung & laughs a lot please. (really, that's ALL i want. is that truly too much to ask for?) Yes. Tall, Big, Funny Irishman. Thanks chica.
from dangerspouse :
I'D be fuckin' jealous, you bet! Well, of him, anyway. Oh well, hope the local gendarmes are distracted enough by all the pretty lights that you can sneak in and eat some Logolamb, baby!
from atomicbuddha :
OMGOMGOMGOMG!!!!! LEGOLAS...ORlando is in town!!!! AAAHHHHHHH....will you jump on him for me, tell him it's from an slightly older redhead that wants to teach him a few things. I mean, do all that when you're done with him, he's in your town so you have dibs. AAAHHHHHH.
from omorfia :
see, this here is what they call FATE. ;) Name your firstborn after me?
from dicentrah :
Oh, my lord, you're hilarious! Thanks for the lovely snicker fest!
from pinkytusk :
Hey! Thanks for the note! I'm new to D-land so getting a note gives me a school girlish thrill. I had no idea that Cher was stealing from Thoreau! How perceptive of you! By the way, out of curiousity, how did you come accross my diary? I enjoyed reading yours - your new job sounds awesome. Do they ever use those things where they get the Stallions to mount the "fake" horse and then they collect the sperm from the other side? That would be a cool job too.. sperm collecter.
from pirategirl :
Dude. You're hilarious.
from dangerspouse :
Hah! Well THAT certainly was worth the wait! (And that pointy thing wasn't a stick I was prodding you with. Hey, we can't *all* be Sonny C.) So you're pimpin' the ponies now, huh? There must be a joke about "night Mares" in there somewhere, but I'm too tired to saddle it up. Say, speaking of pimp jobs, thanks for mentioning me!! I owe you a romp in the Magic Room for that (at a substantial discount!) I loved your notes to me. I'll thump yer bottom to see if you're a good melon any time you want. Ciao, bella!
from atomicbuddha :
Welcome back, finally. What a cool freakin' job!! OMG, I am so jealous.
from omorfia :
holy jeebus woman. finally! :) it was a long 'un, so i'm not going to bitch too hard .. but seriously. visit us more often. we miss you. it gets awful lonely in here .. *sniff* :p Congrats BIG TIME on the new job. I can't even imagine what it would be like to do a job i enjoy. Working in an industry you have an interest in .. man alive. It must be good. It all sounds so nice. And good! I'm so very glad it's all good for you. *mwah*
from dangerspouse :
So uh, you ever coming back? Did your computer burn down with the castle? Just taking a 2 month vacation? Post, damn you!
from omorfia :
i had my DVD player about a year before i hooked it up - coz i couldn't find the cords. :)
from omorfia :
i almost FAINTED when i saw your name. TOO LONG! Good to see you're back. I'd bring over some wood, beer & pringles, but ya know .. i'm at least a day away by plane. And broke. :)
from dangerspouse :
Oh, get that knuckle out of your mouth. There's no room for anything else. Now listen, I'd LOVE to comment on your bitten boob (I can't believe I didn't previously!). Why not post a pic - both please, for comparison purposes. That way I'll be able to make a more considered comment. I do strive to be accurate, you know.
from dangerspouse :
A shoe rack, huh? I guess that'll come in handy when that big 1970 V-8 decides it can't push zebra striped wheels no mo', no mo'. She can whip out a pair of comfy mules and hoof it to the nearest tow truck.
from kamikazesoul :
Ah! I'm guilty of the same crime. I only got to see the beginning though, because I had to leave to Taco-Bell.
from omorfia :
ohno. boob bite. and not the good kind. damn. *kisses booby better* .. or um, something. heheh. ;)
from dangerspouse :
HEY! How ya been? A little too quiet at the ol' Halo Askew Ranch lately, if you ask me. Hoping your cooter check didn't turn out badly, and now you're at a restorative fur clinic. Write, damn you!
from dangerspouse :
HAHAHA! I loved this entry! More details of the "cooter check" are in order though, I think. Waddaya say? Pics? And what's all this guff about not wanting to be my internet whore anymore? When did you suddenly develope standards? BTW - thanks for the note at my place :)
from dangerspouse :
A few issues still fester from first dates of old, eh?
from cruel-irony :
Congrats - the job prospect sounds pretty good. And, people have moved into my building late at night too. What is that all about?
from jessiwoo :
Am i too late for the film fest? i've got a craving for cheesy puffs!
from dangerspouse :
Woo hoo, you might have a stable job! Get it? "Stable"? Like, in, horses? BWAHAHAHA! God, it's so sad that hokey stuff like that cracks me up. But really - congrats and good luck!
from atomicbuddha :
Congrats on the possible job, it sounds just perfect. Are the pantyhose and dresses really necessary...or are you just wanting to freak out about something? Gods, I detest patyhose.
from pashiesplace :
Oh my. I just checked you out via Aimee's diary & I'm now hooked for life!
from tater-fay :
I guess I"m too late for the movie and cupcake fest. Are there any left-over lemon cupcakes? I don't care HOW STALE..send 'em over. I'll even smash them in my face if it'd make you laugh at me!!
from dangerspouse :
Make it chocolate covered cheese puffs and I am SO there. I'll even bring beer (good beer, for once).
from mrlustypants :
I'll come over and frost your cupcake!
from omorfia :
ooh! i just realised i haven't stalked you here in the notes for AGES! *BOO* how's it all going? Some great movie picks you got yourself there .. lost in translation is one of my fave flicks EVER. Brilliance. And Pringles are THE BEST chip ever. Ever. *nods*
from aimeesnoise :
I was wandering through the women's writing ring and liked your name. Then I read your latest entry and couldn't stop reading. I LOVE your writing. I don't think I've laughed so much in one day in all my 32 years. Thanks. I really really needed that.
from dangerspouse :
Thanks for leaving me that note about your faith in Dell! I'll take your word for it as an insider :) So prostitutes descended on your fair city, huh? Well at least now I know where my wife was over the weekend. Funny stuff there - love your writing!
from ruthiebat :
This is actually from Dr. Bruce... So I'm glad everyone's having fun in Houston with the Stuporbowl. You must be very happy that the baseball All-Star Game will be there this year too. Everybody in Houston BETTER like the games, after being suckered into paying for sports complexes with public funds. I'd feel insecure right there! Not every city can pull off that kind of socialism for the rich.
from beautyx3 :
That's funny that you mention Troop Beverly Hills as a torture device because I own it, I love that movie!.........what does that say about me?
from tater-fay :
Damn, I must HAVE that autographed picture of Satan. Did you find it on E-bay? Hardy, har, har.
from cruel-irony :
You're moving again?! Out-of-state?! You, my friend, ARE a masochist. Happy New Year and best wishes.
from ruthiebat :
I'll take the bunny headed Pez dispenser!! yeah!!
from dangerspouse :
Hey, I just saw you've added me to your buddy list. Thanks - that's tres flattering! Hope you don't mind that I'll be adding you to mine. I've been reading your stuff and am enjoying it entirely too much. Thanks again!
from fargahar :
I saw the quote in AB's profile where you discussed eating your Fisher Price house furniture because some of it looked like cheese...I ate Lego's because I thought they looked like cheese. LMFAO! Funny stuff.
from omorfia :
Merry Christmas, babycakes! x0x0
from omorfia :
"stick it up her cock?" .. thats HILARIOUS!!! :)
from atomicbuddha :
Have you gone missing again? Perhaps you are camping out to be the first in the theater to see "Legolas III: Return of the Hot Elf"? Hmmm...
from tater-fay :
that is classic! The melting lid in the oven..oh my god. That is something I would ALMOST do...haven't done it yet, thank god! Way to go, dumbass!
from redcadmium :
trop mignons, le chat et la grenouille. 'o'
from phreak13 :
I like your attitude.Cussing and ranting are the only true ways to express anything without stepping on too many toes.Cute cat by the way.How'd you get him/her to sit while you put the froggy on?
from cruel-irony :
Well, Thanksgiving is supposed to be a time to give thanks with family and friends... but I don't think you're supposed to eat them. Just saying.
from tater-fay :
sometimes you really crack me up! You actually made me stop and think about my opinion of Eric Roberts..Man, you are DEAD on..Skeezy!
from cruel-irony :
I can't believe some of the people I've dated... Sometimes, I look in the mirror and I just have to ask: "What in the hell was I thinking?" Anyway, I'm going to work on that eyebrow thing this month. I'm so excited that I have the instructions!
from cruel-irony :
Thanks for the eyebrow lifting instructions. I'm gonna teach myself to master it over the winter. Well, "master it" might be too strong of a statement. But, I'll do my best.
from omorfia :
tell me all about the five people you meet .. i'm getting it shortly and i can't wait to read it. i can just feel it's going to be one of those books i buy for all my friends. :)
from cruel-irony :
I'm so envious! Over the years, I been trying to get that one eyebrow thing working for me, but still no luck. I'll keep trying though.
from pandionna :
Loved the Angel Face - Sailor Mouth banner! Don't mind me while I snoop around and raise your hit count.
from cruel-irony :
You crack me up! And, Saran Wrap is definitely some sort of spawn from Satan. I'm lucky to keep my fingers just from picking up the box.
from mrlustypants :
THAT (A Romantic Evening with Halo Askew) has to be one of your funniest entries ever. I laughed my ASS off!
from doghigh :
Gosh, I'm sorry for the delay in response! I have TRIED to like this show...TRIED to watch it...but somehow, somehow I get like 10 minutes in and my blood pressure has escalated and my nerves are on end. I just don't like these guys...I have given my best effort but...I just don't like them! But in any case, we often run into Jai...I'll be sure to trip him...er, say hello to him for you ;-)
from cruel-irony :
Oh, I was madly in love with Leif Garrett when I was a teenager. I even wrote him a letter. I never sent it, but still.
from omorfia :
getaway sticks .. my drink came out my nose from laughing so hard!! :) add a warning label, would ya?
from casperwoo :
a battery rack! i never would have imagined such a thing existed. i've been storing my batteries in my refrigerator because i think that's supposed to make the shelf-life last longer. but i wouldn't be surprised if that was an urban myth.
from raven72d :
If you're going to pretend to be Napoleon, you'll need a semi-Italian tinge (he *was* Corsican, and always had an accent in French) to your voice...
from cruel-irony :
Ouch! Wince! Ouch! Sorry to hear about your toe. That must be very painful. Be careful, Woman.
from tater-fay :
Larry has a lazy eye (just one)...I've gotten used to it quickly, but I struggled at first with those issues of "should I LOOK at the lazy eye to show him I'm comfortable with it" or will he think that if I look at the lazy eye that it's grossing me out...but he's mellow about his lazy eye..he used to beat the shit out of kids for staring at him when he was a kid, though. I guess he's used to it. I just usually focus on his good eye when I look at him...my eyes aren't straight without my glasses..I don't have a lazy eye but I have an eye that turns sort of in or out without glasses..so in many ways, Larry and I are a perfect "fucked up eye" couple!
from atomicbuddha :
I have not seen "Message in a Bottle" but I love Wilmington!! I love the mid-Atlantic coast except for those pesky hurricanes!! That's really cool aobu tthe Jeannie bottle!! Sadly, mine had no messages although I pretended they had love messages for me from Orlando Bloom and Sam Rockwell. Both, at the same time even.
from djraindog :
You are beautiful. I feel pretty rotten today, but I haven't laughed this much because of a diaryland entry or anything else in quite awhile. Bring on the absurdity!
from cruel-irony :
Thanks for the note and for making me laugh!
from mrlustypants :
Mia Tyler? <performs Google image search--unfiltered of course!> Oh! Hmmm... <looks down> No boner. Oh well. Anyway, it's true, that so-called plus-sized models are plus-sized only in comparison to their emaciated counterparts, who are neither normal nor average nor desirable to the average man.
from omorfia :
FUCK! You are so funny! You should write funny stuff professionally, you know that? and oooh! Mia Tyler .. ohyes! :)
from facepunch :
my favorite "plus size" model is mia tyler. she gives me a total boner.
from tater-fay :
You are funny. I'm not sure how much of my diary you've missed reading. I'm still "married" to Jason but he lives up in Seattle. He had moved out (and our marriage was ending) in June. Then I met Larry while down here in Eugene, Oregon visiting my friend Tracy (he is her roomie)...Chris is another roomie. Larry and I had a long distance love-affair from June until August and I decided to bite the bullet and now I no longer live in Seattle. I moved in with Larry at the end of August so I live down in Eugene, Oregon now...so, that should catch you up!!
from atomicbuddha :
We didn't go to Ocracoke this time because of the new inlet that Hurricane Isabel created at Hatteras...they haven't bridged it yet and Ocracoke is, of course, further south. We stayed at a wonderful cottage in Corolla...where the wild ponies still run free!! But, we do love Ocracoke too. Have you been there?
from ruthiebat :
I missssssss you!! Are you ok? Or are you just snugging up to some more horsies?
from atomicbuddha :
Okay, so, it's been like 9 days now...you were back and now you're gone again. Feeling pressured yet?? Seriously, hope all is well.
from atomicbuddha :
If it means anything I DID wonder WTF happened to you but thought you had left for good so never bothered to write a note. I DID miss you though and always looked to see if you had updated and so glad to see you are back!!!!! Welcome back!!!!!
from cruel-irony :
Funny... I've been wondering what happened to you so I'm glad you updated and that things are fine.
from omorfia :
hmmm. i hope all is well ... come back soon, yeh? :) <-- hopeful smile
from tater-fay :
Damn, WHERE ARE YOU? Update, bitch!
from omorfia :
heehee .. even when you're mad, you're still funny!
from cruel-irony :
I thought I'd stop by and welcome you back before you go on your long weekend! That's some good time, Woman.
from omorfia :
ooooh! and by 'can' you mean like a pringles can? I was imagining raw, slimy strings of potato in some goo in a tin can. *heh* um. we have those too - we call them potato straws, and they come in a normal chip bag. *ahem* So, hows the days off? :)
from omorfia :
what the hell is this shoe string potatoes from a can business? that sounds gross! *gag* .. meanwhile - i love coming here. you make me laugh. :)
from cruel-irony :
Slammy's finally gone! Yay! Sorry I missed the shoestring potatoes from the can... I haven't had those in years, but I LOVE them.
from atomicbuddha :
I am so there!! I LOVE shoestring potatoes straight from the can!!
from omorfia :
yup yup. missed you too. *cheesey grin*
from cruel-irony :
We missed you too! But, you know, YOU really should be more careful when operating a drill in your mouth...
from djraindog :
"We also shopped for my new nephew and his older brother." I love the things we sometimes say without realising it. I WANT me one o' them planetarium thingies. Heading off to online shop now. (After I catch up on reading your entries...I'm back in town, so it's only a matter of time before I'm back to storytelling.) *hugs*
from ruthiebat :
You know, you were cuter than Miss Bunny! Now there's a SERIOUS compliment! And the strawberries only add to the adorableness. I could never put my childhood photos on DIaryland, people would feel sorry for me! Speaking of Miss Bunny, I will be glad to send her over to take care of your neighbor problem. You have no idea how evil she can be. And her chewing abilities are truly frightening.
from cruel-irony :
Actually what I really want to do is turn those blasted strawberries right side up! Then, of course, I'd want to buy you a lollypop and take you to the toy store.
from mrlustypants :
Cute then. Cute now...and sassy. A naughty angel with halo askew.
from omorfia :
awwwwwwww .. how cute are YOU! :) too cute.
from cruel-irony :
Oh, how adorable!!
from omorfia :
i LOVE the name 'sweetpea' .. i call everything i love sweetpea! that was a wonderful thing you did .. rescuing her. she sounds like an angel. there should be more people in this world like you. BIG hugs down the line .. you made me cry AGAIN! :p i'm such a sook for the animals :)
from ruthiebat :
You are a total angel! I successfully pulled off pets in "no pet" apartments for years and years, so I am sending my pet-hiding juju on to you! I felt the same way when I adopted all my cats and rabbits, they were all pretty much desperate cases. Who would turn out such a sweet old dog?! Anyway, you get the star of the day, my dear!!
from tater-fay :
YOu are such a good person for rescuing SweetPea. I think you should call her Lucy or Rosy....those just popped into my head!
from cruel-irony :
SweetPea is a very lucky dog indeed! I'm glad she's adjusting so quickly and well. Also, I'm hoping to see "Seabiscuit" soon. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
from unclebob :
I'm going to HAVE to try your (mom's) chili recipe. I have a recipe that I've been making for several years that is the BEST DARNED CHILI IN THE WORLD (I got most of the recipe from Consumer Reports of all places...added a few touches of my own), but it's time I shook up the chili world a bit. Have no idea when I'll make it since it's 98 degrees here today, but I'll get around to it eventually.
from tater-fay :
TO tell you the truth, I'm not a big chili fan. My step-father made TOO Much of it every winter and made us eat it night and day for what seemed like weeks!! Bastard! Ha Ha!
from ruthiebat :
Hey, thanks for that supportive note - yeah, I'm pretty much a hornet when I get mad, and I'm not too favorably disposed to doctors to begin with. We've had really great luck with vets, tough, and in fact I told Bruce after we got home that I just wanted to go see ALvin and let him look in my ears!! By the way, I love the new look! Is that the Ambassador to the Bunny Kingdom with the cute frog on his head?!!
from tater-fay :
Funny..you talking about making a big pot o'chili. I was pining for Autumn yesterday and IM'ing Larry about wanting to make big pots of soup and have heavy, crusty breads and be around pumpkins and wear tights and cardigans and watch the leaves change..but soup and leftover soup was definetly mentioned!
from robin-smith :
Kickass! 'Actionis' font is where the action is. Also: that picture rules.
from tater-fay :
I'll have to check out that show. It sounds like rip-roaring fun! I'd love to have a bunch of gay guys come and hang out with me. Gay guys are the best..they rock and I live in a very gay neighborhood so I see them constantly..they always smile and seem so full of life....YEA for GAY (god, I'm a dork!)
from tater-fay :
I think the new layout is adorable. I love the kitty picture and the yellow soothes me. Glasses are a bitch sometimes, aren't they? Larry elbowed me in the eye (by accident of course) the other night and voila: glasses bent out of shape....I really need to take them to an eyeglasses store and force them to take them apart or something and make the frames straight again but I'm lazy and have just been kinda bending the metal this way and that, praying that the screws and or lenses don't pop out..ARGH!
from omorfia :
i'm there. and i LOVE the kitty pic. And the 'halo askew' font. lovely :)
from cruel-irony :
I love your new digs. And, yes, I do want to come over!
from omorfia :
fuck, you're funny. :)
from djraindog :
WHAT a party that sounds like! I think that you are the bomb, and so do I. ;-)
from doghigh :
Glad I am not the only one who puts their ear to the neighbor's wall...funny thing is that it sould bother me that perhaps someone is doing that to me and yet it doesn't...
from tater-fay :
Ha! Great story..I think you should fill up a bunch of condoms with mayonnaise and leave it in front of their door..that would be SICK!
from ruthiebat :
Oh my Gawd!! Leave the note!! It's too freakin' FUNNY!!
from cruel-irony :
The elevator has to be one of the most uncomfortable places to be, at least if you've got personal space requirements like I do. Luckily, it's usually a short ride. At lunch today, the man standing in line behind me way too close to me! I hate that too.
from tater-fay :
You are too funny! Elevator etiquette is something I'm all too painfully aware of also. Every day I get a big smile on my face when I get on an EMPTY elevator....I also hate the people that won't hold the elevator open when it's about to close and you are RIGHT THERE...I used to have an elevator phobia, actually...I'd walk up 12 flights of stairs to avoid an elevator..I got over that, thank god (but sometimes I still wonder....)
from ruthiebat :
Ok, I'm jigging!! Congrads on your 100th!!!
from atomicbuddha :
Congrats on your 100th entry! I AM doing a jig and believe me, I can jig with the best of them, been doing it since I was 4! Also, here's a nail gun for you. Because everyone needs a nail gun. Enjoy.
from atomicbuddha :
Thanks for the great movie suggestions. I just watched Two Weeks Notice last night in fact and it was fabulous. I just couldn't quit saying, out loud to the dogs, "Damn is Hugh hot. Shit that man is fine." etc., etc. I love me some Hugh Grant. I just watched About a Boy this past weekend and loved that too. Damn is that man adorable. I adore Office Space, own it actually...and Chasing Amy...oooh, Dangerous Beauty is really great too, I could see that again, it's been a while. I'll look into the others you mentioned that I have yet to see too. Thanks!!!!
from casperwoo :
well you can always learn mandarin. but i bet even if you did, you'd only be disappointed anyway. I'm sure they're all creeps. :)
from atomicbuddha :
Happy belated 33rd by the way! I'm only a little behind you.
from atomicbuddha :
That is SO how I feel...cleaning...ruling the world...you just hit the nail right on it's noggin'.
from doghigh :
oh thank you for the hug, babe...that's good food for the soul! I am working on my craft and I have no intention of losing...I just sometimes lose the confidence and break down. Lemme tell you this WILL happen and I will NEVER go back to my day job when it does finally happen...want front row?
from mrlustypants :
Cat fight! Reaarrrrrrrrrrrr!!!
from tater-fay :
Damn..one day late. Happy Birthday. Welcome to year 33 (I'm on that year as well!) cupcakes, cupcakes (I'll even smash some in your face..ha ha!)
from omorfia :
*arrives with a tray of cupcakes* .. heh :) i also got you a stripper - he'll be there in a minute. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! 33 kisses for you!
from ruthiebat :
(Imagine two little black and white rabbits singing, conducted by their Esteemed Ambassador:) "Haaaaapppy Birthdaaaay Tooooo Yoooooou! Happy Birthday to YOOOOOOUUUU!! Happy Dappy Flappy Yappy BIIIIIIIRTHDAY to YOUUUUUU! Happy bappy zippy..." (singing disintegrates into giggling and chewing noises...)
from cruel-irony :
In lieu of cupcakes with sprinkles, I wish you the very best for your 33rd year! 33 is a fun time - enjoy it!
from cruel-irony :
Thanks for the well wishes. I know they're scare in your life because you just moved yourself. It sounds like things are coming together for you and that's such a great feeling. It's hard for me to believe that, in less than a month, I'll be unpacking myself. Well, after I pack up all this crap. Good god, I have so much to do! And, I'm not that brave. Stupid maybe, yet perhaps not since I'm loving my decision. Delusional? That might be it. Busy? Definitely!
from atomicbuddha :
I think you are right. I will have to resort to the random packing method. Kinda makes unpacking more of an adventure anyway.
from omorfia :
i don't have to tell you how much i cried (and smiled) reading about izzy .. lotsa kisses for you, kitten x0x0
from ruthiebat :
I'm so, so sorry about Izzy. It's hard to lose those furry kids of ours, especially the ones who've been around for so many years. I still haven't gotten over losing Ty this year. I'll be thinking about you...
from tater-fay :
Long Live Izzy (in your memories)...losing a pet SUCKS..I hope you'll be feeling less sad soon..though I know it takes awhile. Animals are just like people to me! Take care:) Love, Stacey
from djraindog :
OK, so you made the cold horny bastard tear up over a cat he never met. R U happy now? ;-) Seriously, though, sorry to hear of Izzy's passing. I saw two of my 3 pet collies euthanised at the ends of their lives (for the last one, I was away at college), and cried like a baby at all three...
from cruel-irony :
I'm so sorry to hear about Izzy. Losing a beloved pet is so painful. You'll be in my thoughts.
from atomicbuddha :
My condolences on your loss of Izzy. He sounded like a really special guy and remember, they never really leave us. He's still here and loving you and your Mom as much as he did when he had a physical body.
from robin-smith :
Yikes! That must have freaked her the heck out. Mental note: 'Steer clear of potential terrorist targets.'
from atomicbuddha :
Ewwwww...greasy octopus legs...I seem to remember Stretch having that same greasy feel, but I think I enjoyed that...
from mrlustypants :
Dick Swept? Hmmm... Sounds to me like when a woman is enjoying the sex so much with a guy or is so enamored by the massiveness of his cock that she is oblivious to everything else and to the guy's faults in particular. For instance, Sally was so utterly dickswept she didn't even notice that Ed's ears were covered by warts.
from cruel-irony :
Girl, you crack me up! Dick Swept... your entry was funny on so many levels. I'd be happy if Dick swept my floors. And, I mean that literally, not figuratively.
from tater-fay :
BOY!! Do I EVER relate to that tirade about auto-systems! I do insurance billing and I'm constantly entering pt info (so it's "ready" for the next representative)..only to have the f'ing rep ask me for the info ALL over again...this happens about 36 times a day to me:) I'm so used to it now, though, that I just take a deep breath and laugh and the absurdity of it all!
from cruel-irony :
I too have spent time pondering why I must punch my account/member/whatever number into an automated system and then repeat it for the operator when/if I ever actually get through to one. Sometimes I'm so exhausted after wading through the mires of an automated service that I have to take a nap.
from mrlustypants :
You've got the phone company dead to rights. They have to document any and all changes requested by customers. I know your boyfriend hasn't changed his calling plan, and even if he had, AT&T's flat rate plan provides for .05/minute calls to non-AT&T customers. Your satire of automated call response system menus is fucking hilarious!
from mrlustypants :
David Hazelnut! Ha! Ha! Good for your mom Because I hate that prick.
from doghigh :
Well my theory is that yes it was always supposed to be this hard. The problem is that we were duped into believing that life and its many pursuits should be easy. At least I was. I have yet to figure out whether it was my parent's desire to shelter me or their frustration at what they had to go through when their balloon was burst, that motivated them to keep these truths hidden. Oh well...the key I guess, is to keep aware and keep trying different roads. Eventually, with enough perserverence one of them must lead to one's fulfillment, yes?
from mrlustypants :
The Shield? Oh. Well. Nevermind.
from mrlustypants :
Bored? Let's have cybersex and your wish of getting fired might come true too!
from mrlustypants :
Back to back episodes of City Confidential?! Tonight?! Guess I lose out to the bald-headed bad boy again.
from cruel-irony :
Girl, you got me good on both "what would Charles Ingalls do?" and the "Ya Ya Clusterfuck". I'm still laughing actually! I love Little House on the Prairie and I've worked for many "Slammys". You crack me up.
from omorfia :
i'm so sorry you're having such a shitty time at work .. but FUCK, you are funny! the ya-ya clusterfuck! hilarity :)
from omorfia :
*laaaaughing* :)
from mrlustypants :
Hey Sugar, thanks again for treating me at the Dairy Queen last night!
from ruthiebat :
Advil works for me! I ge those horrible back spasms, too, and I literally take four Advil at once and lay down with my knees up. OOoooooooohhhhhhh pain....
from cruel-irony :
Oh, I forgot about scholarships. I got several of those upon entrance to law school and after. Though they didn't amount to a lot, they did help. Sadly, I didn't qualify for scholarships for undergrad because I was a parttime, nighttime student. I hope to change that someday, but with my current loan, that won't happen anytime soon! But, I'm very thankful for all the assistance I received. I feel sorry for the daytime law students who took out their full loans on top of their undergrad loans! Their payments are twice mine.
from atomicbuddha :
Congrats on the loan thing...how cool is that? I wish mine did that, the bastards. Thanks for the good advice on closing tomorrow too. :-)
from doghigh :
Congratulations, well done. You deserve a spearmint frog sticker! Ummm...do you remember a pickle one or am I really pushing the sense memory envelope?
from cruel-irony :
Ditto on the roaches and CONGRATULATIONS on the paying off your student loan! My undergrad education was paid as I went (by myself, employer and with grants), so I only have my law school loan to pay. I make a huge payment every month and have 27 years left to go. I'll be 65 years old when I get it paid off!
from ruthiebat :
Un Freaking Believable. A loan company that accually rewards good payment plans? My good Lord. It'll take me awhile to get over that one! Hey, I hope you don't live in the South, because we have Mega-roaches from Hell here! Literally several inches long! It took me a long time to get used to!
from tater-fay :
Pepto is more important to me than God (seriously)..I love drinking huge swigs from the bottle!!
from omorfia :
that entry before last - the one about the dumbarse killer .. cracked me up! I mean, not that the topic is at all funny .. but you are! Excellent stuff :)
from tater-fay :
I like Planter's "cheese balls"..they remind me fondly of an Uncle. The thing I wasn't fond of with him was his nose-curdling B.O. He even left his sour scent on our couch arms when he'd come to visit when I was a kid. Nice uncle, just stinky..
from atomicbuddha :
Cheeeeeesssssse puffffsssss...mmmmmmm....drooooolllll...
from mrlustypants :
It's about time you graced us with a new entry! It was worth the wait though. You are just too damned fucking hilarious!
from ruthiebat :
Hey, I finally saw that Toys R Us commercial!! It is hilarious!!! I want singing bunnies!!!
from omorfia :
luck!! :)
from omorfia :
good to see you back, babycakes! that neighbour of your os obviously a whackjob - maybe you should start to be a little more coughy .. kind of bait him into making some other harrassment move .. and then YAY! EVICTION! :)
from atomicbuddha :
I MEANT hundredth...for fuck's sake my spelling is going downhill...criminy.
from atomicbuddha :
Sweet baby jeebus, I didn't even realize I wrote my hundreth entry...well fuck me with a wooden spoon and call me Betty Crocker! Woo-hoo!!
from atomicbuddha :
It wasn't the same without you! Welcome back. I wish I could have met all those cool horses...damn. Anyway, I cannot believe your fuckwad neighbor, unfuckingbelievable people that walk this planet, I tell ya. Cripes, what a shit. I can't wait to read the entry where his ass gets booted out to the street. You go girl.
from ruthiebat :
How on earth did I miss that Toys-R-Us commercial?!!! A cute rabbit commercial, and I missed it?! Thanks for the heads up - I gotta' start watching more TV!!
from cruel-irony :
You know, we have have a lot in common. Slammy and Doritos sound eerily like a former boss and assistant boss I had. My Slammy didn't know shit about managing, business, or the particular department she was running, but she did graduate from cheerleading school. Rah. Rah. Her side kick, my Doritos, complained about the noise in our department once so we were suddenly banned from talking to each other. Even though it was essential that we communicate in order to perform our jobs. Myself and another employee knew sign language so we taught everyone else. They were even more pissed when we started signing but, alas, they couldn't complain because we weren't making noise. Fortunately, I don't deal with that kind of bullshit anymore so I can actually get some work done! Anyway, good luck on your trip.
from mrlustypants :
You may not get to see your boys for four days, but you will get to see Todd!
from atomicbuddha :
Gods, I need to start eating healthier too (if you will I will)...with all this stress I've reverted back to emotional eating, which means lotsa cake and cookies and anything else easy and chocolatey. Anyway, thanks for the great advice and encouragement. I am going to do just that when I get home, put all those damned papers in a nice storage bin to file later...and do one load of laundry...essentials only. I actually sent Husband to the grocery store last night and made him do the shopping...I keep forgetting I can make him do those things for me. So now, at least we have some food. Of course Sully, the blue Iggy, is sick right now, which complicates things (he's got the trots) but it also puts things in perspective. The house doesn't matter if my pup is in distress. Anyway, I'm sure that will clear up soon or he'll be off to the vet. Thanks!!!
from mrlustypants :
I agree with Tater-Fay. One of those rolling carts is a good solution. But don't get one of the cheapy plastic ones which collect dust and, everytime you move it, the drawers slide out. Splurge a little and buy one of the nice sturdier ones which feature a butcher block top. As I recall, you can find these at Bed, Bath & Beyond and/or Linens & Things. On an entirely different subject... The top of a Milky Way bar?! I laughed my ass off! Only YOU make such observations and draw such wacky, albeit dead-on, comparisons! And if you don't spring for the obedience/assertiveness training, you can always invest in a stainless steel bullet bra when you go out to buy that storage cart.
from tater-fay :
I think I have a BRILLIANT solution (I'll need a diary entry from you thanking me and describing how good my diary is in return..ha ha!) WHY don't you get one of those little stacked set of drawers on wheels that you can push around!? You could have it in your kitchen! I am AWESOME!
from mrlustypants :
Changing the template got rid of the go nowhere links. Then I changed back. They're gone.
from atomicbuddha :
I hear your credit woes...loud and clear...so easy to use and so painful to pay off. Also, I think you should kiss that little IG, Rowdy, for me, because all Iggies of the world must be kissed. AND...I hope your motivation for unpacking and decorating returns. I KNOW if we get into this house we are hoping to I will be in your situation: too small drawers, not enough space for kitchen stuff, etc., etc. I keep thinking it will be a good time to pare down...yeah, we'll see.
from mrlustypants :
Hilarious entry! But have you considered that the root cause of problems #1 and #2 may be that you have way too much shit? *smirk* And problem #4 is one of the reasons I don't have a dog.
from cruel-irony :
I'm thrilled to hear that Slammy DID turn in her resignation, but sorry to hear she's gonna be hanging out for a while longer. Good luck with that whole thing.
from cruel-irony :
Not too long ago, a guy told me that I had "the Stevie Nicks [Fleetwood Mac] thing going on". I thought I was being insulted because I confused her with Deborah Harrah [Heart, I think]. Fortunately, someone else corrected my misconception. It's funny how that works. Well, I'm clogged up again so I think it's time for another cup of Theraflu. Keep on complimenting people. No matter how they react, I think it does a person good.
from cruel-irony :
Shoot, Girl, you do need to chill! Perhaps with a juice bar. If you made errors in your note, I didn't notice. I used to be anal about my written mistakes, but now I don't care. Whether I make them or someone else does. I do care at work, but hell, this is Diaryland! I make mistakes all the time here but I always go back to the most important rule about communication... getting your message across. That's the most important thing. In regards to the compliment thing, I find that older women tend to take it as just a compliment. And, they appreciate it. Myself included. With youngsters, who hear that shit way more often, they tend to question motive more. Then I fear that they think I've just hit on them when I was merely paying a compliment. I don't think there's enough nice stuff in the world personally, so I compliment either way. We all hear too much negative BS about ourselves, so I figure it can't hurt to spread around some good stuff.
from cruel-irony :
Gotta love craving popsicles for breakfast! I go for the frozen juice ones. And, I have to say, I've eaten more popsicles in the last couple of days than I have in years! It sure feels good though. On another note, I once blurted out: "You are so beautiful!" to a young woman once - because she was - and she looked at me like I was really weird.
from ruthiebat :
Hi! I am so honoured you would put me on your favorites list, since looking at your diary a little bit I know I'm going to be "visiting" you a lot! Tell Noodle to come on over and see if things can be straightened out between my cats and rabbits - we have to keep them separate or the fur flies! Weirdly, it's Miss Bunny who is aggressive and not the cats. We need an ambassador over here! Seriously, I sometimes worry that I bore people by how I go on about them. Thanks for the sympathy about Ty - I am still not over the passing of that little guy, he is still really in my heart. Anyway, thanks again!!
from doghigh :
Thank you so much for the note...you know the validation sustains me ;-) I'm going to read through your journal today...because...you know...I'm at work and I really want to do anything BUT work so I think I'll stay in D-land...
from tater-fay :
I finally got a chance to read your diary and now I can't stop...DAMN YOU! It's hilarious! *sniff*...I swear that suddenly I smell mac-n-cheese (I'm at work)....I still can't believe that neighbor of yours..what a fucktard...we have a lady couple that live next to us and we'll be playing the stereo at a normal (not even loud) volume at like 7:30 pm and they'll pound on the wall...ARGH! I hate neighbors!!
from djraindog :
How funny...I've had "DYEW" stuck in my head for the last few days and listened to it a few times today in the office, reveling in the fact that the song is just one huge crescendo...Lee Hazelwood meets Phil Spector. I'm so thrilled!
from omorfia :
hullo again :) that next door neighbour of your sounds hideous .. and if he's as nasty as he sounds, (i know this sounds horrible) - but watch your babies. i heard of a neighbours spat a little while ago where one couple decided to try to take it out on the other couple's dog. (it didn't work, btw) .. but you know. Be careful!
from cruel-irony :
I don't know what it is but I always live next door to the biggest prick or most petty person in the area. There's a woman right now that lives in a neighboring house who has got to be one of the pettiest people I've ever met. And, you know, you can't fight petty with petty or it just escalates... so I have to be the "bigger" person or she'd make my life a living hell. I think there's one in every neighborhood.
from omorfia :
hi!! i just realised you've added me to your list .. i searched through some of your pages and I LOVE it!! :) I look forward to reading more ..
from cruel-irony :
For some odd reason, I always have trouble with that medication. It's the most harmless med I take yet they act like it's gold-laced morphine rather than a decongestant! I have to request a refill EVERY month. I wish they'd just give me 12 refills and be done with it for a year. Argh. I'm very glad to know you've got my back though!
from djraindog :
Alf's still around, you know. She released a new disc last August called HOMETIME. There's an excellent review here: http://www.salon.com/ent/music/review/2003/01/14/moyet/index.html. Mmm...ALF..."For You Only" knocks me to the floor every time.
from cruel-irony :
Oh, Slammy's got it coming to her. Karma is so gonna kick her ass. I hope you're around to see it! And, I hope she leaves soon.
from cruel-irony :
Touche' on the whole cell phone thing. I hate them! Needless to say, I don't own one and hope I never do. People believe they can't live without them but look at how long we managed to survive without them. Or even regular phones. People are passing through life now without ever actually connecting to it. That's just sad.
from djraindog :
I think you hit it exactly. It seems we both had pretty rural upbrinings. I've always said I'd want to raise my kids in a city, but now I think about it, how could I then turn them outside and encourage them to climb trees or build forts or ride bikes on trails through the woods? And those are such wonderful things to do...In retrospect, maybe I don't really hate my childhood so much after all.
from tater-fay :
Wow..you are the only person I know besides my self that used to drink vinegar!! Also, I LOVE your childhood memories entry...I forgot all about Marathon bars..I loved those things..and I once buried the Entire Sunshine Family in the frontyard in a pile of snow and couldn't find them until the next spring (I was pretending they were eskimos and I think their igloo collapsed)...in the spring, after the thaw..I found them all the way across the yard from where I'd originally left them. Their curly hair was sort of creepy, wasn't it?
from djraindog :
I got that tugging feeling in the pit of my stomach again as I read your most recent entry; I think they call it nostalgia. The world FELT so different then, didn't it? Sometimes I get back there when I'm high; sometimes it's nice, sometimes not. A question, though: Would you really want to be that age in the world as it is today? Or was it really not any better then, and we were just unaware of it in our innocence? I don't mean to be a bummer, I'm just wondering...
from cruel-irony :
Oh the Weekly Reader. I think that was my first love! I always wanted ALL the books but I could only pick one or two. It took me days to narrow the choices down. The excitement when they came in the mail? Same thing I get with Amazon now. And, Highlights for Adults? Yes. Absolutely.
from cruel-irony :
Oh, I loved marathon bars, my Sunshine Family dolls and perhaps most of all, the Weekly Reader book club! Thanks for the trip down memory lane.
from atomicbuddha :
I SO did jig for you...and let me tell you I REALLY can "jig with the O'Reilly's" as my Grandda always used to say. Apparently the O'Reilly's could jig up a storm.
from atomicbuddha :
Okay that Exceller thing made me cry. Thanks. :( I just have to say I think it is a wonderful thing you are doing there. I am also a horse-lover...I grew up with them, riding them, first barrel racing and eventually showing them in 4-H and then dressage. I miss my horses, dammit. I'd like to have one again someday, or at least lease one. Kiss the horsies for me, blow gently in their nostrils and tell them I love them.
from atomicbuddha :
Good luck on that whole packing thing, the thought of our future packing sends chills down my neck and keeps me up at night, when I'm not in denial. Top that off with a healthy does of work strife and you've got a fine week going on! Woo! I hope it gets better.
from mrlustypants :
Thanks for the kudos, Honey. My wee ego is fine. But you know good and well that recounting your torrid "sex history" would fill legions of diary pages. *smirk*
from cruel-irony :
In general, I really don't appreciate reading about dreams at Diaryland. (Not that I'm above putting them in my entries, as they're there.) However, I'm compelled to give you an Emmy or Grammy, or better yet, a Jammy for this one. I don't often laugh at dream entries but you managed to capture the "essence of the weirdness" that we all dream about. And cracked me up! Kudos to you.
from atomicbuddha :
Jeff is just such a silly guy, he's so hard not to love...I could bring him home and eat him right up....I mean if Husband wouldn't object. I loved the special, the outtakes one...did you see that? He's a wingnut!! OMG, the Mike Myers Actor's Studio was fucking kick-my-ass hilarious!! We hurt ourselves during that one. We missed the Simpsons' cast one though...dammit.
from cruel-irony :
I too am a detail person and the better job I do, the more I get heaped upon me. I discovered that pattern years ago and now I work with it rather than against it. I love being "behind the scenes", and as much as I whine about the extra work, I think I enjoy that too. However, it does suck if you don't like your job.
from rainman73 :
Hey, how ya doing ? ! Just thought I’d let you know about this nifty site I’ve come across for fans like me and you of Stevie Wonder. You get points for stuff that you do like requesting songs on the radio, doing quizzes and polls. You get to trade these points in for cool things like posters, cd’s and other swag. If you fancy it head over to http://i-squad.net/motown/StevieWonder.html It tells you all about the ‘Conception’ tribute album that comes out on 18th March as well. Theres loads of other artists that they do e teams for too, check em out at http://www.i-squad.com
from robin-smith :
Thank you so much! Mighty kind of you.
from cruel-irony :
That's exactly how I break down my lists too! The cool thing is that it works for me. Thanks for stopping by - now I have a new diary to check out.
from atomicbuddha :
Thanks for all the suggestions!!!! I do have some of those, and dearly love them, so our tastes cross over a bit...which means you rock. But many of the other suggestions I will DEFINITELY look into...great suggestions!
from atomicbuddha :
Hey, I jump on Legolas' head every night...in my dreams...where I'm a viking... I'm glad you liked what you saw...I'm kinda new to all this online journaling business...and it shows a bit but it's getting easier. I like what I see so far too...I'm always looking for a new, intelligent, and fun read...especially someone in my own age bracket!
from witforplay :
Want to "jump on his head and fuck his pointy ears" do ya? Well, you frisky little slut! After your out-of-state boyfriend reads that sordid musing, he's going to board the next flight to your locale and fuck you till you squeal!
from witforplay :
Re Tidbits Part I, #8... Don't forget, you also were involved in competitive diving! :-)

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