| from
dimstar : |
|
Come back, I miss you. How are you doing? I hope well. From your profile I gather things are a bit better, which makes me so glad for you!
|
| from
nepenthean : |
|
that would be a prime opportunity to say, not good! and tell him why.
|
| from
nepenthean : |
|
why can't you? do you not have a counselor anymore?
|
| from
nepenthean : |
|
how you deal with it is you lay it out to your counselor. you tell them that when you talk to your mom, it makes you feel angry and like hurting yourself or damaging property. and the counselor will help you set boundaries and figure out what your triggers are and how to deal with them. (my .02)
|
| from
nepenthean : |
|
purging?
|
| from
nepenthean : |
|
i still ponder that phenomenon. i think we are just being superficial. are we really trying to dig past the surface? we could be rejected or misunderstood. one way to get past it is to spend time with them outside the realm of your usual interaction. it's part of the risk taking that we phobes don't really care for.
i am starting to "turtle" a little bit -- thought i would check in on ya and see how you are doing. seems you are confronting the same issues. interesting.
|
| from
crimefish : |
|
I think real friendship is like love. It happens when you don't expect it to. I met my best friend by complete chance, and I don't know what I'd do without her. I'd be empty.
|
| from
hip2bme : |
|
Hello beautiful soul! I'm so glad to hear from you again! I'm also happy to see you're doing well and have a crush! Hey, it's not bad that nobody else thinks your boy is hot. It's great! You have him for yourself!!!
Stay well and much love to you! Anele xxx
|
| from
crimefish : |
|
I'm on infliximab. It's an intravenous immuno-suppressant.
Anti-psychotics are kind of extreme. o.0
|
| from
crimefish : |
|
Haha, thank you. I'd be a lot prettier if my medication hadn't screwed with my face and skin, but I guess there's no point thinking about that.
|
| from
nepenthean : |
|
great to see you updating again, c. -- with a new template and unlocked and everything. :) well done!
|
| from
crimefish : |
|
Oh my goodness, you did so well! o_o Congrats!
|
| from
crimefish : |
|
I hope your hamster is okay! My cat ate my hamster... but I was like 4 years old, so I don't remember it that well.
I got a 5.9 for my life. Mind:5.7, Body:4.3, Spirit:7.9, Friends/Family:5.3, Love:1.4, Finance:3.9.
|
| from
crimefish : |
|
To me, 'sophisticated' always meant smart, mature and stylish.
People always tell me I'm quiet. Like it's a flaw or something. Maybe they're just made uneasy because there's actually someone who isn't trying to talk to them all the time. I don't think being quiet is a bad thing at all. I don't even notice I'm quiet, because so much stuff is going on in my head I may as well be having ten conversations at once.
|
| from
hip2bme : |
|
Yea, I know what you mean. I'm glad you can see your experience as something positive.
I like psychology but I'm a scientist. I'm studying psychology for many reasons at the moment, but soon I'll be back to science... I'm a science geek.
Sure will try and update soon!
Hugs, A.
|
| from
hip2bme : |
|
Hi there!
Oh, I've been having this mostly since I was about 13 and joined military school.
Have been taking anti-depressants since then too. Also have panic attacks. And I'm bipolar.
The ironic thing is that I'm a psychology student...
I read on your profile you were dragged to a mental hospital.
If I may say so, it's something absolutly stupid for someone to do to a person that's going thru a difficult time.
Your mother shouldn't have done it.
There are many other ways to help people and this is not the best one in my opinion.
Hugs,
Anele
|
| from
crimefish : |
|
That's good to know. =) I read yours too. Always.
|
| from
crimefish : |
|
*hugs* Thanks, I like it too. The black means I can use any image with it. :)
|
| from
nepenthean : |
|
i wish you luck with your adventures in the new year...
|
| from
crimefish : |
|
*hug* Thanks :) Well done for the school thing. It'll be hard, but you might even enjoy it.
|
| from
rooster24 : |
|
Hel! keep the shoping up, life's not easy, it has kicked me so many times now. but i know we'll work it out. you'll have to lend me those Gucci sometime!. ttyl. joe
|
| from
crimefish : |
|
I didn't think CBT would work on me either. But it kind of does. I don't get panic attacks anymore, but I'm still phobic.
I'm glad things are getting better for you.
|
| from
nepenthean : |
|
i wish you the best and hope that you will put your full effort into recovery, and as i said before, share your negative thoughts with your therapist. in my case that made all the difference and i hope it does for you as well. i'm glad you have made progress..... *encouraging smile*
|
| from
crimefish : |
|
*hugs* That sounds really scary. But it'll probably do you some good... I find it easier to talk to people when they know what problems I have, 'cause then they won't have any expectations.
|
| from
nepenthean : |
|
thanks so much for the update, sweetie. i'm always here for you, no matter what state your mind may be in. do your best and please don't hate your parents for their action; if they didn't love and care about you, they wouldn't have done it. thanks for the update! and keep us informed if you can along the way.
|
| from
nepenthean : |
|
hell, i need an update. it's been a while. you are my sister in anxiety, let me know how things are going/not going/etc. thanks!!!
|
| from
crimefish : |
|
Yeah, I laugh at those moments too. 'Cause it seems like the only other choice is to cry, and I hate crying in front of people.
|
| from
nepenthean : |
|
remind me to tell you a story about my mom & my hair sometime. it's become stuff of family folklore.
|
| from
crimefish : |
|
Thank you, I hope I can.
|
| from
crimefish : |
|
Yeah, most of that describes me perfectly too.
|
| from
nepenthean : |
|
apd is atf... all too familiar...
|
| from
crimefish : |
|
Ah, thanks. :) Not a lot of people agree with you. But people staring at me *shudders...* is a relatively small price to pay for dressing how I want.
|
| from
raen : |
|
I had felt the white-based layout was me for a while, but I just can't do it anymore. :) I need blackness. Much more me. Glad you like it!
|
| from
crimefish : |
|
:) Yeah, I knew it was you. I don't read anyone else's dream journal. And you're welcome. I'd probably only spend it on something pointless anyway.
|
| from
crimefish : |
|
That was a very selfless thing you did. *hugs* As soon as I get my allowance I'll try to donate.
|
| from
crimefish : |
|
Nintendogs! I saw a review of it. Apparently the game's so cute it replaced dogs in Japan. Hopefully not for long though. I want a DS. But by the time I save for one, the next generation will be available.
|
| from
crimefish : |
|
Thank you. *hugs softly* I'm sorry things are still so bad for you. You deserve to be as happy as I am. At least.
|
| from
nepenthean : |
|
pssst we need an update...
|
| from
crimefish : |
|
Hey, I watched that video. I love the dark style of the art and story. I guess I'll always love that stuff, no matter what else I grow out of. And I guess I'll post some photos as soon as I find some batteries, hehe. My camera uses up one per hour. Hey, could I have the password for your diary? I'd like to know how you are.
|
| from
missy-17 : |
|
hey, send me your diary password at missy.rios@us.army.mil thanx
|
| from
nepenthean : |
|
it's caused by a lack of oxygen sometimes. you might have to bite the bullet & see a dr.
|
| from
girlmoose : |
|
Yeah, it was so much better than the book! Johnny Depp as Willy Wonka was so funny. He looked totally different though, nothing like he did in Pirates of the Carribean. I think he looked better in that really...he totally reminded me of Michael Jackson in Charlie & The Chocolate Factory!
xxx
|
| from
girlmoose : |
|
Sorry I took so long to reply to your note. I read the pages about social anxiety. It sounds like shit to live with... I know the website said that once you have then that's it, but isn't there anything you can do to make it easier to live with? It doesn't seem fair that you have to deal with it & there's nothing you can do.
xxx
|
| from
raen : |
|
Oh, I guess I should mention that I deleted the first year and a half from my diary - for the reason that it was too depressing. I started it Aug. 2001.
|
| from
raen : |
|
Got it! Thank you. And I know it's hard to tell now, but for the first 2-and-a-half years at Diaryland, I had a large rotting zombie skull on black as my background and was as gothic/depressive/fatalistic as you get. Dark and doom-ridden. Believe me, I can relate. :) Most of the people who have known me here actually find the "new me" difficult to accept. Such a change for me. -- OK, time to get a look inside.....
|
| from
raen : |
|
I'd like the password. Please. If you don't mind, that is. :)
|
| from
nepenthean : |
|
no, tom cruise didn't call me and say, "hey, go exercise!" i meant that someone else suggested that years before he offered that advice to brooke shields as a cure for depression. since i had nothing to lose, i took that other person's advice, but it didn't really work.
|
| from
girlmoose : |
|
I got your password. :) I just read your latest entry. Um, what is social anxiety disorder? I think I've heard of it before, but I'm not sure exactly what it is. Anyway, I'm sure you're not a big loser.
xxx
|
| from
nepenthean : |
|
still waiting for the password. i sent you an email several days ago.
|
| from
dream-worlds : |
|
I didn't get a password yet. :( Try emailing it to: crazyaimzies@hotmail.co.uk instead & see if that works. By the way, I've got a different diary, so dream-worlds.diaryland won't be updated anymore. :) xxx
|
| from
dream-worlds : |
|
Um, well what I think it means is that you give me one username (eg. I could be dreamworlds for my username) & then you give me a password (eg. pony) & I then use that to log in, but you give other people different usernames & passwords, although I suppose it would work just having one password & one username for everyone. (Eg. everyones username could be 'cat' & everyones passwords could be 'dog'.) That's how I think it works...
|
| from
dream-worlds : |
|
Yeah, I did write it. It was just sorta spur of the moment thing! Glad you liked it; I'm not very good at writing poetry. And about locking your diary, if you figure it out then can I have a username & password? And the way it works is that you give people a username & a password that goes with that username. I'll try & explain some other time (i.e. when my mouth doesn't hurt from my brace...). A, x
|
| from
rooster24 : |
|
Antibiotics seem to really work to my sight, but im not an expert. my dog broke a leg not much time ago but now she's all recovered and back to her dog life, i think shes happier than i think. hope ur puppies get fine.
|
| from
dimstar : |
|
I am amazed by your love for your pets. You are so caring towards them. You have a beautiful heart. Already you have made me care about Pavonia and Pebbles though I am so far away. xoxo gwen
|
| from
rooster24 : |
|
"level of cuteness: extremely cute"
LOL i like that for a description. I think pebbles might be having a jealous episode, but that's all. just beware of pavonia as she might start biting shoes and stuff, dont spoil the puppies. love them but have your own space also. your dog rules, maybe everything its not normal again, it never is.
P.S. i'v been four months without a shower when i used to be out of my mind and playin punk rock outloud, but those times are gone now, and now i shower everynow and then (though right now i have no water at home).
you will start feeling better Hel, there's such a good heart of yours behind the chaos.
your so smart to me. My rights in this world are the same rights that you have. Cya around.
don't stop ur poetry and dream books. both are special projects. hmm i type too much..cyaz:)!
|
| from
crimefish : |
|
Aw, your puppy is adorable. But I can't help thinking your parents got her just to lure you out of your room. If they did, it was a really mean thing to do.
|
| from
rooster24 : |
|
hey hel, im sorry, when i say i might know what the problem is,im just being nosey. i can barely get to know what my real problem is, so there's no way of thinking i know something i certainly don't know. i wish i could say to you something of value sometime, just im sorry for sayin i know what could be possibly wrong.
There's only one thing for sure:
i dont know a thing. hope you are doing alright *hugs*
|
| from
rooster24 : |
|
well, i guess that was a lil long *rolls*
ttyl!
|
| from
rooster24 : |
|
dear Hel, iv stoped being online lately because i am scared to death of the internet, anyway i think that the puppy loves you, ur parents love you. what is worthy in this life if it isnt love?. nobody knows how to show love perhaps, but people like love, people like companion. puppys like companion as well.
iv been through some schizoptypal forums lately, i dont relate to anybody in there, they are just pretending they believe in magic.
I think you are a loner, you must enjoy yourself alone, thats ok. but i think it would be great if you go out of home and lay in the grass in some park, in silence, alone. i'd like to tell ya what i think its ur issue, but i dont have the right. i think everyone of us should be able to realize what is exaclty wrong with us, to tell the truth i think u are great and have a a strong mind. i hope you get rid of the hatred and frustation, Hate its not worth the time to hate it.
this its our planet Hel, we can take it, we can taste it, you and i are in the same time-line in the story of planet earth, i know you have the power to explore it as you wish, the puppy will be fine, the puppy won't mind if you dont accept him/her. but you just have to live along. you are great HEL, you understand your mind. you can change ur actions for good.
Not everything its a gray-cloud.
the gray cloud its FAKE, its vulnerable, its breakable. the Colourful cloud its for REAL, we need to find it.
|
| from
dimstar : |
|
Your parents love you and want you to be happy. They just don't know what to do for you. I wish I could help you. Please don't do anything to hurt yourself. You have punished yourself too much as it is.
|
| from
dimstar : |
|
I really hope you don't shut us out. This seems to be the only open communication you have to the world and I have really grown to care about you. I always just wish I could do more for you. It isn't that I am faking sympathy for you or trying to be sympathetic towards you, I am sympathic towards you and I do care about you. I am here for you. xoxo gwennie
|
| from
crimefish : |
|
I would say, don't lock it 'cause you have nothing to be ashamed of, and nothing to hide... except SA makes you need to hide stuff you normally wouldn't feel you have to.
|
| from
crimefish : |
|
I really hope things get better for you. *hugs softly*
|
| from
dimstar : |
|
I begin to get that feeling the more I isolate myself. It can be lovely and dangerous all at the same time. I wish I could help you in some way... xoxo Know that I am here for you. ~Gwen
|
| from
starspiral : |
|
i used to love that feeling, i dont get it anymore.. im envious of you.=)
|
| from
crimefish : |
|
Ditto. I guess it's a good thing people force me to get up and do stuff, or I'd just dream all day every day.
|
| from
nepenthean : |
|
Re: the article in the "stuck with SA forever" post, i think what that psychologist was saying was that, *untreated* you would have SA forever. further down he does say that mind/behavior therapy works very well in changing the situation. don't lose hope! it absolutely can be changed for the better! but you have to trust your psychologist and yourself and that can be way hard.
|
| from
rooster24 : |
|
umm the place i meant in that note, was my mind.
|
| from
rooster24 : |
|
hello Hel, i'm not a psychologist(not that they know too much) but i think your last dreams means you are hard to find, and maybe not physically but i mean comoslogically, i think that you want to be alone but you think people (cops) will do anything to try to find you, maybe its truth. people have curiosity, and there's no cure for that, they want to know when they don't understand, there are a few peoples who don't want to know that badly, perhaps u'd like to find them. amm i said im leaving, i was in some mood, i think i'll stop typing for a while, i am a schizotypal, i get very paranoid about of my writings. physically im moving from home in about fours months i expect, i don't know what will be the destiny of this pc as well, when i said that i was feeling an irrational fear. today i don't know what will happen to me. i might or not leave, sometimes i don'r recognize my wishes as they change so fast. ttyl.
|
| from
rooster24 : |
|
i dont have the right hel, sry.
plz take care, i hope your dreams/wishes come true in the future.*hugs*
|
| from
rooster24 : |
|
ur a friend of mine hel, i just wish you could feel better, as i say it, this is my wish and im sure this is also yours. as i said, sometimes i think i wouldn't stand myself *rolls*
|
| from
rooster24 : |
|
plz take care as im going to a place where i dont know if ill go back soon. we are alone as you once said, but this is not necesarily a bad thing. i know u have the strenght to live your life as you want it. ur special, and u have been social in the past just as i used to be. we both know we have IT somewhere. plz take care.
|
| from
rooster24 : |
|
hello Hel, i hope you are doing alright, it seems to me your parents care about you more than maybe you do, it seems to me they are great. i know im so annoying i know maybe i wouldn't stand myself i were somebody else, ignore me if this annoys ya plz. nowadays i relate to all the adults. i know how they think, i know what are they thinkin and what they real intentions are. i think you just don't want to be with ur parent anymore because you have lived 17 years with them so far. they wouldn' probably act like that if you had a friend with you, or if they would think being housebound its healthy. im soo nosey and i know i wont be typin anymore in the future. i dont help and i just end up thinkin why i did it. i tell you this because i dont feel the energy flowing anymore. i am neutral and crazy ,but when somebody its being truthful and caring to me, i try to pay the same way, im not sayin you dont do it or try. but i wanted to type it to you anyway. you are special Hel, only you know in which way you are special, ur special to me in my own way. but ur special to ur parents in a whole different way. i type this for myself, because i want to talk with you. i know u are not askin for anythin and i apology about that.
*hugs* Bill.
|
| from
rooster24 : |
|
i think im also a bum :)
|
| from
rooster24 : |
|
hello :)
|
| from
rooster24 : |
|
Hi hel, plz pardon any of my moods. i dont know a thing just as the rest of us i guess, but just in case. u rule. *hugs*.
|
| from
rooster24 : |
|
hey Hel, devil possessions are not worth the time to my sight, i remember visitin other forums where they discuss about evil and good. its an endless topic if you ask me, but i think there can be certain things that can keep us from what we really want, and what is that? i don't know. but sometimes its the good.
and the good should be what we want to do. maybe im makin non sense again.
just don't let the demons fool you around, they are also scared if you ask me, they wish they could create the way you do when you draw or type or make smiles. goin werd now, sry. plz take carez.
|
| from
dimstar : |
|
If only you could see how beautiful you are. That you are not full of sin. You are hurting. I see that. I wish I could help more. (((hugs))) Gwen
|
| from
crimefish : |
|
Thanks, I try. Well, actually, it doesn't help to get sarcastic everytime I'm trying to win a debate, because the other person just thinks I'm childish... I like Burden of Sacrafice. :)
|
| from
dimstar : |
|
Yes, but something has to help. And it wasn't a pathetic cheeseball of a prayer. You do need help. You don't deserve this pain. xoxo Gwen
|
| from
rooster24 : |
|
i really like the american beauty movie. have a crush on jane as well.(not the actress but the character, the fictional character, though the actress its gorgeous)- ttyl:).
|
| from
dimstar : |
|
I wish you had someone who was helping you more. I wish I could help you more... Don't give up on yourself. You have a beautiful mind. Don't let it go. (((hug))) Gwen
|
| from
crimefish : |
|
Wow, your dad is clueless. I'm not sure whether he sounds more or less annoying than my dad, who ignores me. When he does talk to me he calls me by my sister's name. lol. Feel the love.
|
| from
dimstar : |
|
Oh, if there was something I could do for you I gladly would. Make you see that there is more than all this. Just, give you a hug...
|
| from
crimefish : |
|
Yeah, I know what you mean. Someone told me we have REM cycles every four hours, so if you don't sleep in a multiple of that, you feel tired because you didn't complete the last cycle. So I don't know where in the cycle dreams are, but I only have to sleep for like an hour to dream. It also doesn't make sense to me that everyone's cycles would be exactly four hours. Surely it's different for everyone. But I'm babbling now. *coughs*
|
| from
rooster24 : |
|
wow, lol, dam, i think i did type a lil longer than i thought..oh well, i want to talk so badly!! lol. cya laterz :)
|
| from
rooster24 : |
|
when you grow up, your mind finds way to make money and you can go away from home, don't worry about this too much now(im nobody to tell ya what to worry about or not, but you get me). you are young, Hel, there are a lot of single fellas lookin for girls out of the normal, believe me. im kinda old now, but i am one of those who loves the strange. and your strange in your way , just like we all are i think. i won't talk about the opposite of life now. but i truly know that we have a lot of years to figure out stuff and make a plan. just an opinion in case ur feelin down. i hope you get to feel better and the need to go to the streets (without expecting anything more than a walk). who knows what are we doing in this rock we call earth, but we can use it, we can walk on it, its our right. light its our right. well, this is like an e-mail now and i better stop before i get more and more annoying. -hugs-, im sorry im such an invisible man, but there are bone and flesh people who would relate to you living near you.
plz pardon these kind of moods in case they are more annoyin than i think. im here in case u wanna talk anytime.( and i know that viceversa :) )my best wishes.
b.joe.
|
| from
jinsong : |
|
thanks for being sweet & caring: you are worth a million bucks. =) i hope things are alright on your end.
|
| from
rooster24 : |
|
its a shame about the elephants, sadly we can't change the sould of the furtive hunters, i remember seeing a documental in Africa about how certain kind of elephants almost got extinted, a man save them at the end, perhaps there should be furtive hunters for furtive animals hunters?. hope ur doing fine. laterz :)
|
| from
rooster24 : |
|
you would never depressed me, i think i wanted to make that point, but by making it i realized i was the one being depressive...
i'm sorry, perhaps the taijin kyofusho thing its correct for my case. wathever the thing is, its this: you rule, you poems rule and your paintings are truthful and that makes them very meaningful, i think you have talent in drawin from imagination, wich its beauty.
ur welcome when you say thanks, but i also thank you for letin me read some of ur poems and see some of ur drawings. take carez :).
|
| from
rooster24 : |
|
hello hel, Your father might be acting weird cause he wants to help you since he has been noticing you have been acting quiet and weird.
Of course he has no idea how to help you Hel, he might just want to talk with you, but doesnt knows wich topic you might like. I'm not sayin you are wrong, but unless your father its an annoying hopeless alcoholic, i don't think he's really worrying about your hair, he wants to see you happy, maybe thats selfish of his part, who knows, keep it neutral if your not keepin it good.
who's fault is? it's the big explosion fault. keep writing those poems, perhaps i depress you more than you think you do with me, i know myself and i like your writings that's all i can say. do you draw/ paint? .cheers.
|
| from
happybunny3 : |
|
I don't usually leave notes for people, because I'm too scared...but I wanted to write something...I can't possibly know what you are going through, but I can relate to what you write a lot. I also have terrible social anxiety and often feel scared to crawl out from under the covers on my bed.
About your last entry, I've been vegetarian for about 1 1/2 years and my mom still doesn't seem to understand this whole concept that I don't eat animals. Anyway, just wanted to tell ya to hang in there.
|
| from
crimefish : |
|
Thanks. Yeah, I'm resting as much as possible (pretty much like always) but it's gonna take longer than normal to get better 'cause my Crohn's is gonna stop my body absorbing much water.
|
| from
dimstar : |
|
Cutting is not the way. You will truly regret the scars later, hate the odd looks people give you. And they will notice. I feel so sad when I read your entries. I want you to go out, to see that the world isn't as bad as it seems... You deserve better than this. You are not a bad person like you think you are. Please, take care of yourself. How about watching something like, "Meet the Fockers"? instead? I care. xoxo Gwen
|
| from
rooster24 : |
|
you are meant to be yourself as long as you don't physically hurt people on purpose. I don't think this is your case, moods can be contagious i think,but at the end it depends enterly in oneself if we see or not the shadows and the graycloud. sometimes it doesn't depends on us but on circunstances, so there are meds. i remember thinkin i had taijin kyofusho, a ill originary from japan where you unpurposely emotionally hurt people, i have discard that option now. feeling guilt its a sign that we are humans, i thank god for my feeling of guilt, makes me change i guess. peace.
|
| from
rooster24 : |
|
hey hel, i think you should think on write a book of poetry, it would surely have its readers (just in case you want to publish your book). i know it could take years to finish the project,i do see it as something you could try in the future. probably you have think of this before. laterz :)
|
| from
crimefish : |
|
I'm not gonna see a doctor for it. Everytime I tell my mum there's something wrong she just says "okay, we'll mention it to the doctor next time we see him" but we never see him 'cause she never makes appointments.
|
| from
rooster24 : |
|
hello Hel, i was wondering what would you like to study as a profession if you had a chance, (even though you can always study it from the net). id like to be earn money from music someday. perhaps writer of course. do you like horror or terror books? wich kind of terror. sci-fi terror? hmm just wondering. i like the last one. ttyl -hugs-:).
|
| from
rooster24 : |
|
hi Hel,by non hunger i mean to not being hungry the major part of the day due anxiety and burnin lots of calories also due the same reason, thats why i force myself to eat sometimes, just to gain energy. pardon my english.
you are right we are all alone, thats why we need to take care of ourselves, improve ourselves and challenge ourselves sometimes,i think i have experienced some of those
bizarre time-loops, but im back to time-line. two different worlds, but we all can cross anytime, anydirection.
we are alone, if we weren't alone we wouldn't be free at all right?( i dunno ).
hmm moody now. sry. ttyl :).
|
| from
dimstar : |
|
You are right, we are all alone. We even learned terms about it in sociology, geselschaft, and gemenschaft. One means being alone amongst people, and the other means actually interacting with society. The larger society becomes, the more alone we are. (I can't remember which means which.) But if you want to socialize at all, even if some anxiety is holding you back, try. It will be hard, but just take it slowly. You can do it. ~Gwen
|
| from
crimefish : |
|
You rule. *does "I'm not worthy" bows at your feet*
|
| from
rooster24 : |
|
I like the way you express, i like some of your poems a lot.i just realized i relate to the non hunger more than i thought. -hugs-
|
| from
rooster24 : |
|
hello Hel, i also starve myself sometimes because im not hungry at all and even experience nausea sometimes. but its indeed weird i could keep with energy for a couple of days without eating, but im sure the third day i will be soo upset and mad (hunger cause irritability without a doubt). i think its due our anxiety that we don't feel hungry the major part of the day. i force myself to eat just for the energy it will give me later even if i don't like the food. cya around:)
|
| from
rooster24 : |
|
hey hellraising, hang in there, obviously your father doesn't know how to talk with you, most adult people i know has also a social problem, just tell him that you don't need time with him (without hurting him i think), but support on the things you might like. just picture one day you'll be able to work by yourself and live by yourself, you won't need to give explanations to anybody anymore. just breath, and focus on your activities, not in someone else's ones. i dunno. i just read ur last entry and i wanted to type some.
|
| from
crimefish : |
|
*sighs* I'm really sorry. At least your parents care. Mine are just indifferent. My mum phoned the mental health clinic weeks after I asked to see someone. I was going out of my mind.
|
| from
dimstar : |
|
I unlocked it. I realized no point in locking it. No point in locking out those who care... Thank you sweetie. And it wasnt your fault about the hamstars, you are right. Take care of yourself. Things will work out. I am glad your birthday was okay. Slowly things will get better. They will... xoxo Gwen
|
| from
crimefish : |
|
I'm glad you had an okay/good birthday. At least it wasn't terrible.
|
| from
jinsong : |
|
i'm doin alright.. :) i won't do anything stupid-- i'm more worried about YOU. in regards to your most recent entry: why place the value of your life in the hands of other people? the purpose of your existence isn't to make OTHER people happy & your worth isn't determined by whether or not they will miss you when you're gone. fuck em. YOU determine your own worth by the value YOU place on YOURSELF. and YES you are worth something! even from these few messages from you, i can tell that you are an intelligent, caring person. adopt a devil-may-care, selfish attitude & stop being so dependent on other people to determine your esteem & value. it comes from within yourself. i know you've got it in ya. :)
|
| from
crimefish : |
|
...And you write SO well. I'm jealous. I wish I could communicate the way I feel like you do.
|
| from
crimefish : |
|
I know what you mean. If I wasn't such an introvert, if I actually wanted to go meet people and stuff, maybe I'd want to get better. But the way stuff is now, I have everything I want at home (except maybe some hot sex), and I'm legally disabled, so I don't have to work.
|
| from
dimstar : |
|
Hel, I am really worried about you. I am sorry about your other Hamster too :'( Please, please, try and take care of yourself. Is there anyone you can talk to around you? And keep writing your poems, they are lovely. (((hugs))) Gwen
|
| from
crimefish : |
|
You just said it perfectly. I used to throw things when I was a kid, until I learned that when I break stuff, it stays broken, and no one replaces it. So now I just hurt myself. Not physically though. Well, hardly ever. Just mentally. I stab at my mind until there's nothing left but tattered pieces.
|
| from
crimefish : |
|
Oh god, that sucks. *hugs*
|
| from
dimstar : |
|
Don't give up on yourself Hel. I don't know if you even go outside for anything, or even out of your room, but perhaphs you could try sitting in the living room and watching tv, and then progressing to the backyard... Have you seen a psychiatrist at all? What helped me is going to places out of town where I knew I wouldn't run into anyone I knew, and I wouldn't see them again. I worry about you and I care. xoxo Gwen
|
| from
crimefish : |
|
Everywhere I go, my username is Crimefish... except a wiccan forum where it's Katheros.
|
| from
crimefish : |
|
Hey. These are the forums I use for SA: http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/, http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/index.php, and http://azure.bbboy.net/sauk. Check them out if you want. They're really helpful for when you need another SAer's opinion.
|
| from
dimstar : |
|
I has social anxiety for a few years, on and off. It would get especially bad when I wasn't feeling well...etc... But it got really, really bad when I was seventeen. I would cry about having to go anywhere, stopped going to school, everything. I felt like everyone hated me. When I started college in my old town I knew something was definentilly wrong. When I would walk into my class I would want to run away, my hands would be sweating and shaking, and my heart pounding. I know people had to notice that I was shaking like a leaf. The Lexapro, for some reason, helped immensely. I went to a psychiatrist who explained that some chemical imbalance lay in my fontal lobe, and had me try Lexapro. Then I moved out of my town, which was also a big contributor. You can do anything Hel, really. Never stop believing. (((hugs))) Gwen
|
| from
starspiral : |
|
thnak you, so much you are awesome for telling me this. but honestly its nothing i havent thought of before. and he hashonestly been trying to be beter.he called me today, jus about 2 minutes ago telling me how none of his friends really include him. I dont think he understands how social he really is.
|
| from
crimefish : |
|
Yeah. And you should really keep writing poetry. You're very good at it.
|
| from
dimstar : |
|
Your poetry is beautiful. Truly it is wonderful. And very powerful.
|
| from
crimefish : |
|
It stops you getting close enough to people to become friends with them. If you're okay with knowing people and you just can't let yourself get close to them, then it's probably more avoidant personality than SAD, though apart from that I can't tell the difference. Jeremy isn't my boyfriend... he's just a guy I'm in love with who I met online last August. I don't even think I'd be able to talk to him if I knew him offline. Ditto that for all my friends.
|
| from
dimstar : |
|
I have social anxiety disorder as well, and I never used to go out of my house. I would literally cry when I had to. I wouldn't even check the mailbox. It might not go completely away, but it can get much better. I was put on Lexapro for it, which helped a great deal. You are worth so much more than you think. Don't give up on yourself. (((hugs))) xoxo Gwen
|
| from
crimefish : |
|
I can relate to all of them too. And I can accept that I will always have SA, and most of my other problems too. But it can get to be so small a part of you that you forget you have it. That's what I'm aiming for, and I'm using xRADIOx (check my buddylist) for inspitation, 'cause she is so neurotic, yet she has so much confidence in herself. She's an SAer too, but I'd never have known if she hadn't told me. Hey, do you have MSN Messenger? Or AIM?
|
| from
crimefish : |
|
What you do is, go out walking until your heart is pounding and stuff. Notice it, but don't worry. Then keep walking until it slows down again. Keep doing this and you'll be able to walk further each time without getting physical symptoms. (Of course, this is for agoraphobia and not social phobia, but the idea is the same.) And I never see my friends. I hardly ever saw them before either, 'cause my dad won't let me invite anyone to my house (I think he's phobic too, but like he'd ever admit it), and I had cinema phobia (still do) and that was the only place they ever wanted to go. Their houses are all to o far for me to walk to as well, and my mum works weekends (the only time they ever invite me) so I just never get to see them. Eventually, they just stopped inviting me 'cause I always said I couldn't go. I see them online occasionally, but I guess they just don't care anymore. Yeah, this is a long note.
|
| from
crimefish : |
|
It's complicated. I can go wherever as long as I go with my mum, so I'm more agoraphobic in that sense. I was housebound for a few years until a few months ago, when I started therapy. But I can't learn the layout of locations so I'll probably always need someone to take me places.
|
| from
crimefish : |
|
I'm afraid of the possibility of having to talk to people/shake hands/be told I'm blushing. So I don't want to go out in case some well-meaning stranger talks to me, even if I don't plan to see anyone out there. Ask as many questions as you need to; I always want to know as much as possible too.
|
| from
dimstar : |
|
You are not a murderer. I am sure that you took better care of your hamster than you give yourself credit for. I am really sorry you had to see that; I am really sad your hamster died. But all things come and go in life, and death is the one sure thing. Just the fact that you are upset so upset about it tells me that you care so much. You are a good person. You are not a murderer. Take care of yourself. xoxo Gwen
|
| from
jinsong : |
|
I just wanted to say thankyou thankyou thankyou for leaving me kind & concerned notes. I really really really appreciate them. :) My life has just spiraled out of focus and I'm struggling to make sense of things, and it's truly wonderful to recieve messages from you.
|
| from
crimefish : |
|
I don't go out everyday; sometimes I just can't, even though I'm supposed to try and make myself. I never go out alone, but that's probably more the agoraphobia than the social anxiety. I had to stop going to school about two years ago, so I'm trying to finish high school at home. Only a couple months left, but I don't know how I'm going to cope with the exams... and I'm rambling. I'm gonna read your diary now.
|
| from
dimstar : |
|
Self loathing ultimately leads to self-destruction which leads to more self loathing...etc... A vicious circle. It is not your friend, under any circumstances. I know you know this. Take care, please. (((hugs))) gwen
|
| from
dimstar : |
|
:'( I wish I could give you a hug.
|
| from
dimstar : |
|
You don't destroy lives. You are so kind. Get what you want. If you really want a puppy, get one sweetheart. You deserve one, and the puppy would be happy. Take care of yourself. You are so critical of yourself.
|
| from
dimstar : |
|
Thank you for your kind note... I know I should stay away from them, from but.. You know how it is when you move to a new place and the first people who befriend you you immediatly cling to. I will be okay. As for the bingeing, I relate to that. Can you try to eat balanced meals throughout the day? It will help you to not binge at night. I did that for quite a while. Are you sure your parents don't notice, or they just are afraid to say anything? Don't give up on yourself. Giving up is giving in, and things can get better. You also don't deserve this. Take care of yourself okay? xoxo Gwen
|
| from
o-jasmine-o : |
|
Yaaay! Well done. I was just about to write instructions! ;-)
|
| from
dimstar : |
|
Hi Sweetheart. Sorry I haven't been posting lately/responding. I had to get a new computer as my neighbor stormed in and took the one his brother gave me in a tizzy. About the excessive thirst and burning skin. Keep drinking, preferrably water. Did you go the doctor? How are you? I just realized that entry was ten days old. Im worried :( Take care of yourself, PLEASE. I also hope that you find a job you like, be it the zoo or somewhere else, as well as get a dog you like ;) xoxo Gwen
|
| from
jinsong : |
|
heya.. i wrote you a long note a couple of days ago, but the server was messed up and it disappeared. :( then i just didnt have the energy to redo it. you're right, i'm an awful role model. sorry, i've just been going thru a helluva time lately--- i will rewrite that note soon and leave you something more substantial and thoughtful. hope all is well:)
|
| from
o-jasmine-o : |
|
Hey! I had a look for you at what I'd done with the FINE code... It was a standard .gif when I signed up but decided to host it myself in case they went offline ... I'm afraid I can't really give you the code because I don't want to overload my ISP's bandwidth which might happen if you linked to my gif too. What you can do though, is take the image from my site and host it yourself, then link to your own ISP's webspace. I'll help you with the code for that if you don't know how. Let me know!
|
| from
o-jasmine-o : |
|
Welcome to the Complex Ring. I'm sorry I took so long to approve you.
|
| from
starspiral : |
|
u too =)
|
| from
jinsong : |
|
Heya - thanks for the poetry comment, but a bunch of those poems are random lyrics from songs. i'm a dork and don't cite where i steal them from. i'm glad to hear that things are ok -- like i said, if you ever need a sympathetic ear, i'm here. as for the GUY you asked about, aslkdfj#$%@^%!! let's not get into THAT whole mess.. as you can tell from my entries, i'm anguished & dramatic about that whole annoying affair. he's just a boy that i think about too much. update your diary soon! i check back every now and then & am sadly disappointed cuz you don't update regularly :P i'd like to hear more from you. take care!
|
| from
starspiral : |
|
wow, all your notes are 'happy' arent they.well all of em anyhoo.
[[insert long depressing talk of why you shouldnt kill yourself here]]
::now you smile::
lol later dude
|
| from
starspiral : |
|
yea, that was him. aint he a cutie? lol. so what u been up to today?
|
| from
jinsong : |
|
Hullo! Just dropped by to see how you were doing. Hope all is well ?
|
| from
jinsong : |
|
I am very very relieved that you didn't do it -- believe me, I have been to that same point of [almost] no return -- and it always gets better. I happened upon your diary browsing the newly updated member pages. I just like to read random diaries, see what other people are thinking, feeling. If you ever need to talk, I'm here to listen. =) I hope things are better ?
|
| from
dimstar : |
|
It takes more courage to live than to die. I am very relieved. There is so much more that you can be doing with your life. You have a lot of potential. In regards to your question, my family has always been weight obsessed, but my obsession came more with developing diabetes and having to be perfect...etc.. Please, take care of yourself okay. Oh, and who is the singer Jojo? (hugs) You will make it sweetheart.
|
| from
dimstar : |
|
I hope that you didn't do it, that you are okay, and if you are, please update. I have been thinking about you a lot, and I feel guilty that I couldn't do more, didn't say the right things, didn't do something more... I am just praying that you are okay, and that this message isn't being written to no one.
|
| from
starspiral : |
|
well like i said, im not gonna try and talk you out of anything bc its your choice. have you ever had anyone die on you? kill themselves? if you wanted to talk to me, AIM sn is wolvenchic
if you can relate to what ive said at all in previous notes, then you might want to chat.but other than that, i dont want to stop you from making a decision you kno will hurt everyone around you. that you (if you are religious) might go to some sort of hell for, that would leave you no name and that is every parents worse nightmare. to bury thier child. i dont kno you and i dont have enough time to read your journal. im srry.but if you were really yeailding a call for help. then maybe thier might be a chance i can help.
|
| from
dimstar : |
|
I hope that I am not too late on logging on here, and I pray that you didn't do it. If there is doubt, there is a reason for that doubt. Because a part of you still knows that there is something to live for, that life can get better. And death is the final act. There is not even nothing after you make the decision to do yourself out.
|
| from
jinsong : |
|
NO! That little shred of doubt buried somewhere inside of you that tells you MAYBE THIS IS NOT THE RIGHT CHOICE : listen to it! You are worth more than you think-- There's ALWAYS room for change! Never give up on the concept of Possibility, or Hope that things could get better. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it. Go kill yourself with poetry, drown yourself in music. Rant to a stranger, scribble out all your rage in writing. But don't hurt yourself. Honey, you're all that you've got. No one else, nothing else matters. Shove it all away, wipe the slate clean, and build yourself up again. I know you're too strong to give up.
|
| from
jinsong : |
|
don't do it. you've still got too much to figure out. just remember that you never have to be stuck being the person you were yesterday, or an hour ago, or 5 minutes ago. fuck the past, it doesn't matter in the moment you are living RIGHT NOW. why do you let it bother you? change starts now.
|
| from
starspiral : |
|
look, im not gonna si here and bitch at you on how you shouldnt kill yourself. it has to be your choice. i have no idea what kind of shit you went through to get you this way.i have my reasons and im sure you do too.but i have an idea what you feel like. and im pretty damned sure you are scared, you think your not going to make it, you dont want things to hurt, youve gone over and over through your head of different ways to accomplish it. expecially when you are alone. thats the worst time.and the last thing you want is to try and commit suicide and find you didnt accomplish your goal. believe me, it is humiliating, no one looks at me the same, and i get sympathy i never wanted. no one ever looks at you the same. unless they dont kno you.if you are interested in what ive said, then yes ill talk to you about a few secrets in life,bc i have learned things through me and so many ppl that have lived and died. staying alive is something you have to want to happen.id need to talk to you more about you. if you feel uncomfortable leaving me nots then i could give you and email adress.or a screen name, but this is some thing i would not get into until i kno more about you. and even if nothing has happened to make you feel this way i still kno a couple of reasons why you might be feeling this way.
|
| from
starspiral : |
|
ok, when i was sick, yes. it did hurt. but pain was not on my mind exactly bc i was sick, so sick that i was horrid with light, hated sounds, couldnt see straight for a while. when i took those pills, mind you i wasnt thinking i was going to feel anything. ithought id go to sleep and never wake up. i was so sick that my parents did come in my room and sent for an ambulance.they sent me to the hospital yes,bc i had so much shit in my system, they thought i was going to be paralysed and mently retarded.they ended up pumping alot of shit that had nothing to do with my stomch out, then started giving new blood bc mine was so friggin contaminated. i was misrible and i wanted to die more than any point in my life, only i was so sick if i stood up, the only place id be getting to is the floor.it took me a few days to get out. i cant tell you how many bc i wa asleep most of those days.i would never wish that on anyone. even the ppl i hate most.
|
| from
dimstar : |
|
Hi Sweetie, I'm back. Please, please, talk to someone about how you are feeling. You always have the future until you kill yourself to make things right. You will never know when things were going to go your way when it is all over. Death is the final act. Nada, nothing more. Please, listen to me. I am here for you. Groveling. But I know I can't help, and I feel very worthless right now in this situation. Please, get some help. For me, your friends, for your readers, for your family, for your dog, for YOU !
|
| from
amenah : |
|
hi.
life sucks get a fucking helmet.
there is nothing wrong with you.
you are no depressed.
we know the truth.
it's the world that's fucked.
not our head.
the "normal people are to busy looking at the light to notice the oceans of darkness surrounding them.
i know how you feel.
i haven't read all of your diary.
but my dog got hit by a car and killed and my mother blamed it all on me.
thats where i realised how painful life is.
i'm sorry i'm so pessimistic.
this is just my perception.
you hurt yourself on the outside to kill the thing on the inside.
i make no sence.
i'm on medication but it doesn't make me feel any better.
it just doesn't let me get angry.
|
| from
starspiral : |
|
dude, im thinking if your trying to kill yourself (i havent read your journal or anything so yea) its been a while scince then.
whats the problem? (if so) i kno a few secrets about life that lots dont see, nd i cant help you, then ill be damned.
|
| from
starspiral : |
|
about 1/8 a botle of methlyn
5 or 6 cephalexin (expired)
1/2 bottle coden (also expired)
and for some reason instead of killing me
i woke up sick to where i couldnt move for a few days and when i say sick im talking about happy hell. thank you.
|
| from
dimstar : |
|
I am so sorry about your dog... I don't have any words of comfort. All I can say is that later you will be glad that you spent the time to take care of your dog and be around beforehand. I had to do the same thing, only my family lied and said my dog was going in for surgery, but I knew the truth. (I was five years old and really held it against them for years.) Take care of yourself. Live, if for no one else, for you dog. And someday you will see that there is a point to life, and that you were meant to be. All the hard times will only make you stronger. You will be much stronger and wiser than most in the end. xoxo Gwen
|
| from
dimstar : |
|
Sweetie, I will listen to you. You are worth more than you see. This depression does not have to be the end of you. You can conquer it. And you will come out much stronger in the end when you do. When you die there are no more chances to make everything right. And trust me, I don't leave notes to everyone... I try to leave them to those I care about, but I often don't have the time for that. But I see more in you than you see in yourself. Please take care of yourself. (((hugs))) xoxo Gwen
|
| from
dimstar : |
|
You don't deserve this sadness. I will make a plea with you not to kill yourself. Please, talk to someone. Go to your guidance counselor at school. And I will listen if you need someone to talk to. It doesn't have to be this way. Life will get better. Nothing is forever. (((hugs))) And thank you for taking my survey. ~Gwen
|
| from
dead-wings : |
|
you were just like me a year ago. don't worry, this stage will pass, and you won't be suicidal anymore. trust me. it's just teenage angst.
|
