DiaryLand members area

wtf is "ding fries are done" anyway? is that a pop culture reference? because i see that constantly on your diary. i'm not asking you to hook me up with it. just... wtf? LOL anyhoo. i imagine some of those searches (like "granny twat", *shudder*) are curiosity searches rather than people who are actually into that sort of thing. that's all.

from triggerhapp :

Hey randomly saw your ad on here - read the latest few and Oh My God. Your hilarious - just wanted to say hi and thanks for the grins. laters.

from sunnibear :

that dumbass that signed up for your messages and emailed you was probably some punk ass kid that doesn't know anything. flippin idiots!

from neva4getme :

George looks so cute in the Vietnam pictures!!! You lucky woman! LOL

from delirium21 :

LOL, don't worry about it. everyone makes mistakes. :)

from delirium21 :

actually, the woman who left the birkenstock note is a lesbian, and her kids are foster children/adopted. so she's not in a situation she didn't choose. :) she's a nice person. but i have to agree with you: people lay too many of the country's big problems on a guy who has no real control over them (he tries, bless his heart). even though - i voted for kerry. ;)

from delirium21 :

http://galhad.deviantart.com/gallery/ check this shiznit out, yo! he be thuggin'. anyway, thanks for the sweet note. it made my day. :)

from delirium21 :

what is a woman's pee place called? *laughs uncontrollably* try "urethra". these searches have become my favourite part of your site. i look forward to them like... like i look forward to macaroni and cheese! :)

from delirium21 :

my favourite: "pee behind truck". *laughs* marvelous. some of these, you have to wonder - were they typing that on another page while google was loading, and google interrupted and they continued typing? and who is nancy grace, anyway? and why can't americans spell GOAT?!

from delirium21 :

i say "wtf" way too much. this cannot be a healthy thing. LOL

from delirium21 :

1) you're right about tonya harding. man, she's like... downright BUTCH these days. wtf? what happened to the crybaby olympic skater? ("whyyyyyyy?!") 2) kirsty ally is so pretty. wtf is her problem? i hate women who do this. i'm no pixie and i'm not ashamed of it! she's got kids for god's sake, have a little self-respect for their sake, y'know?

from thedetails :

Stupi-Ditty! Love it. That's gonna be my new word. All the credit will go to you and your Mom, but I just love screwed up words, only it's usually me that screwed them up in the first place!

from delirium21 :

hullo! thanks for helping out. i signed up for one yesterday, then i got distracted and never posted it. i'll get around to it eventually. LOL

from delirium21 :

my favourite: "boob sliding on kitchen floor". PRICELESS. by the way - i did find you by clicking the lesbian baker banner. :D also, how do you find out what searches link to your blog? i'd love to see this for myself.

from kincaid7 :

Oh my gosh, I stumbled onto your site from the Lesbian cook banner and I stayed on there about an hour and a half! I have been laughing so hard since! Thanks!!!

from thedetails :

My Hubby shared George's sentiment on cut flowers, they just die and serve no purpose. So I told him to give me potted flowers. They live (as long as you remember to look after them), the make the house pretty, smell nice and they help filter the air so they do serve a function. Ha. That shut him up!

from thatgrrrl :

Ooooh.... pretty!!!!

from thedetails :

One block away from my house is a large park where the entire neighbourhood walks their dogs, my home is directly in the path to this park. I've had lots of folks allow their dogs to poop on the lawns and not pick it up. It's frustrating. One day I observed a man actually stop his dog at a neighbours lawn and wait for his dog to have to go. Then he began to leave it there. I, being the neighbourhoods 'Big Mouth' rushed out the door yelling at him to pick it up. He told me he didn't have a bag, so I pulled the one out from behind my back (yes, I came out prepared). He then refused, laughing at me. I shrugged my shoulders and said "That's fine." I turned to go back inside and as I left I informed, very calmly that there is a by-law that requires him to pick up the poop and there is a nice fine attached to that as well. He once again mocked me, telling me it would just be his word against mine. I spun around laughing at him and asked him if he had never heard of a video camera? From that day on until the day he passed away he pooped and scooped, and he also put the word out that I was the neighbourhood poopie police and that I would hand over videotapes of known by-law offenders to the by-law officers, so the entire neighbourhood became a much cleaner place!! Yeah Me!

from sunstarr :

You and I should start T.A.A. (Tivo Addicts Anonymous) I too do the same thing that you do since owning my precious Tivo. Worse, I am so addicted that when I'm listening to the radio and miss something a DJ says, etc. I want to rewind to catch it again but I can't. Everywhere I see a tv, I want to pick up a remote and fast forward the commercials or rewind when I've missed something. I've got it baaaaaad!!! *hugs*

from dietpeppers2 :

I saw the ouchie pictures. the entire time I was saying 'ow ow ow ow... oh ow.. ow', quietly but still... you have quite an effect on me. or rather.. your legs do ;) hah! anywho.. hope those heal/ed well.

from say-good-bi :

omg. youre comment about the dog hiccuping is hysterical!! you made my day. nice pix,you must have a fun family �

from aigre-douce :

Ohhhh, I can relate. Right now, even. I think morphine should be made readily available for women during their periods, actually.

from dietpeppers :

oh man.. that entry... priceless. you cease to amaze me.

from aigre-douce :

I love your diary. You are hilarious.

from brandi-babe :

The other template was much easier to read. This one is too hard on my (33 year) old eyes. Bring back the old template! Please!

from pjf-sans-p :

I agree, some dates just have bad juju. pleasantly surprised by new design. Stay under the covers, feel better tomorrow.

from dietpeppers :

ah! you have the same template! but I like to think of this as... um. well we have like minds or something which is... a compliment. wait wait, we have like minds and that's good for me because I think you kick ass. yeah, that's it. okay then well still love the diary. toodles

from thedetails :

About your whole issue with Daylight Saving, Here in Toronto we turn our clocks at 2:00 in the morning on Saturday. We get a whole day to begin to get used to the time change before we've got to work on Monday. Maybe you should move up here!!

from thatgrrrl :

re: DST: you know, you're supposed to turn the clock back at 2am on Sunday, which most people do on Saturday night before they go to bed, so you can have that wake-up moment you described on SUNDAY morning, not on Monday morning. To avoid heart attacks and such. Just FYI. :)

from pjf-sans-p :

Today's random music lesson: The wavering thing is called a vibrato (Italian for vibration or something). It occurs when the tone of the voice is focused and the sound is supported by the abdomen (friggin' hard to do). It must be a strong, tight sound, or else it will sound shakey (like Carmen or hang-ten Camile). The More you Know *diiing*

from dietpeppers :

hello, how do you find out... well that thingy you always have at the end of your entries? people searching for... stuff and finding your page. yeah, anyway... I liked the comment about whats-her-face's earrings. I saw Something About Mary when I was eight or nine and had no idea what he was doing at that part, but now thinking back.. it's even funnier than it was then. Ah.. good times, good times.

from starlight42 :

just have to say I totally agree with everything you said about Amer. Idol last night- it's so funny because my thoughts were the exact same! Also, that lady in the elevator is mental, she shouldn't be allowed out in public!

from thedetails :

I can't believe the nerve of some folks. I was shushed by someone on the phone once. I smiled and told them that the problem with using phones in public places is that the public doesn't give a damn about their conversations!! And then I continued with my own conversation, only this time I was much louder and kept giving smug satisfied looks in that persons direction until they got frustrated and left!

from sunstarr :

I am laughing OUT LOUD! Last night, while *I* was watching American Idol, I paused the Tivo right before Randy made any comments to Camille. I told my hubby about how YOU pointed out that when Randy has something negative to say to the contestant, he says stuff like, "How ya doin'" "You chillin'" etc.. so with that I hit the play button and damnit if your observation weren't right on the money. Now today you talk about Randy's overuse of the word "pitchy". I am sooooo witcha, Sista! And for gawd's sake, he needs to learn different words than "Dude", "Man", "Yo", "Yeah,yeah,yeah" and that hand gesture that he makes... ugh! Anyway, I had to agree with you and tell you how right you are! You're dead on with this stuff!!!

from sunstarr :

I don't want to correct you, but if you describe "Dipper Eggs" as being the type you dip your toast into, then you'd be describing either over-easy or over-medium eggs. (these have a runny yolk) By definition, fried eggs have a flat, hard yolk and are not runny at all. Personally, I think "Dipper Eggs" is cute. I would not be ashamed at all! *hugs*

from janie12975 :

I call them "dipping" eggs. And many a time, I remember saying that and being laughed at. I soon learned I like my eggs over medium. But lets face it, dipping or dipper egg makes more sense.

from dietpeppers :

Amen, sistah! I totally agree with you - idiocy should be a felony! It's takin' a first class ride across the country.

from dietpeppers :

Amen, sistah! I totally agree with you - idiocy should be a felony! It's takin' a first class ride across the country.

from kgmgoddess :

That really sucks. I hope George's birthday turned out all right, anyway. Love your site, by the way!

from bethany9 :

oh my god, i just clicked on your lesbian baker banner then laughed my ass of (ouch!) at your entry! well done!

from sunstarr :

Clicked the banner. Landed here. Laughed a lot. Will be back for more. Oh, in case you're keeping track, i personally do NOT engage in a pee shiver! toodles!!!

from maiarayne :

The Pee Shiver! Hehehe, my husband had never heard of that either. Only in our house it was called a "Piss Quiver". My father gave it that name, I prefer Pee Shiver though. Hehe. :)

from sirrybeans :

My fiance's knickname in college was "PAPA" for reasons I'm still learning 4 years later. Anyhow the first time we were comfortable enough using facilities w/the door open he had what he calls a "PAPA CHILL" it's every time after the pee. Some violent, some minor but all the time. "papa chill" a.k.a. the pee shiver. Shiverer's unite!!

from dietpeppers :

Ah.. you are brilliant brilliant brilliant. I bow down to the goddess of.... of.

from elliemay23 :

I am so glad that someone commented on those nasty little rodents that Quizno's uses...they are NASTY!!!

from shaded-lily :

I must be the only person who likes those Quizno's commercials. Ever since I saw those rodents, or monkeys, or whatever, singing "We Like the Moon" on www.rathergood.com, I have thought they were CUTE! Apparently I'm weirder than I thought.

from everoboto :

Those Quiznos things, Ugh! Gross. My husband screams at the sight of them. We're thinking we don't want to go anywhere near Quiznos at this point.

from lovingmysky :

Lol, pimples on your ass from a dead bird! Hahaha that's great. Actually I know the real meaning of that, just incase you were wondering.. any kind of bird (dead or alive) at your door or in your house is supposed to mean that someone in your household is going to die soon. Creepy eh? I sure don't believe it, but that's what the superstition is!

from lovingmysky :

Hi sweetie! You never fail to bring me a smile/giggle/heart attack. Keep it up, you rock :)

from thatgrrrl :

There's one lady at work, a classic Southern belle, age 50+, who says something that makes me cringe every time I hear it. Ya ready? "Ever who did such and so....." Yes, not "whoever" but "ever who". Does she say "ever where" or "ever when"? She does not. Argh!

from thedetails :

I totally sympathize with your lack of fast food as a child. But at least you got the occasional meal during the year. Enter my hippie parents who denied my brothers and me the goodness of fast food not because of money but because of the pay rate, the way they treated their employees or the way that the animals had been treated either prior to slaughter or during the act. It's one thing to be denied because you don't have the dough. But let me tell you, it really burns when you've got the cash and you are only 8 and want a burger and don't give a flying fig how the fast food industry pays like crap or treats their employees unfairly.

from brain-dump :

Good luck and I don't think you are wrong about your writing. (That is, if you're thinkin' you're good at it. heh.) And I loved the earring story. Fuh-nee.

from shaded-lily :

I'm Big Fat Obnoxious Fiance fan, too. I think I'm in love with Steve.

from janie12975 :

I just want to say I enjoy your diary immensely. I am so glad I added you to my favorites because I always end up laughing my butt off everytime I read it!

from pjf-sans-p :

Heheheheh, so you've experienced random llama questions too? At a party a few years ago, my class was just sitting on the porch talking about stuff like how we were glad school was over, and this guy in my homeroom sat down in the middle of us and said "I saw a Llama at the carnival" [The carnival was approximately 3 weeks before this point in time]. We were shocked for about 3 minutes before one by on we burst out laughing. Hooray for random llama questions!

from bella-neige :

Hello, something about your last entry "Tight Pants, Points Hollerin' Out" has had me in a brain cramp for days! Where did the Osbourne quote come from? I remember hearing it, but I can not, for the life of me, figure out where it was said. Please help me!!!! My e-mail is [email protected] Thank you, Ashley P.S. Can you please put the source next time... the little people out here, go insane over stuff like this!! LOL

from brandi-babe :

Apparenty, you saw "Bring It On Again" too. I watched it last night and was laughing over that line for the rest of the night.

from sunnibear :

Ha! I'm not the only one who gets on the escalator that way! I've been dealing with that for years, the constant paranoia of slipping or getting a toe cut off somehow. *cringe*

from needisaymore :

I must add a bit to the info The Science Guy provided about geese in flight. Do you know why one leg of the V is longer than the other when the geese are in flight? . . . That leg has more geese in it! hahahaha Couldn't resist. Old joke, but my favorite! Happy New Year! Great Diary!

from starrgazer02 :

Happy New Year! :)

from ozwald :

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

from everoboto :

I, too, love Xanadu, and have been mocked for it. I have the movie and the soundtrack. I'm pretty sure it was because I saw it in the theater as a very little girl and it impressed me so much, which is why I probably shouldn't watch it ever again (gotta keep the magic alive). Spinal Tap is a movie I never get tired of, and I'm a big Christopher Guest fan too. Grease, awesome, but Grease 2, I don't care what anyone says, I loved that movie! "Oh no, I gotta go, back to school, again!" One movie I'm been mocked for loving for all eternity is It's Pat! I understand why people would think it sucks, but everytime it comes on cable, I have to watch it, and always while I'm watching it, I think, "I don't understand how people DON'T like this movie." I think I really like it a lot because of Dave Foley, who I love, love, love. Anyhow, I totally enjoyed reading your movie list. Hope you have a Happy New Year! \m/

from jelligyrl :

I love your diary!! It's the first thing I read in the morning. Thanks for making me laugh at work. Happy Holidays! Oh! And the ding fries are done is now a hit in my office. Everyone plays it. :)

from indigo-love :

great banner. clever diary. and you live in atlanta, which is awesome. anyway, yes, i arrived via the lesbian baker banner. ;)

from sunnibear :

Ouch! Sounds like something that would happen to me. And all I can think of to say is...yikes. Hope all wounds heal soon and that you have a happy holiday season! :-D

from thatgrrrl :

About the NAACP comment: it occurred to me that this whole Michael Jackson thing might qualify, but then it occured to me that I'm not sure HE qualifies as a "black person" anymore. Ya know? ;)

from thedetails :

I hope you don't mind... but I added you to my favorites list. Guess it's obvious that I like reading your journal

from brain-dump :

Speaking of annoying anti-smoking ads... well I'm not sure what the hell this one was, but on the radio, there was some little kid talking about "all the cool stuff" his mom does, to include "a committment to going OUTSIDE to smoke" wtf?

from say-good-bi :

sooo thats what it is huh?being from the north.hmmm I always knew it was something.lol.

from dani-lou :

Someone thought you might like my latest entry on Dirty old Men. Toodles, Dani.

from merrywitch :

Here in good ol' Canada, Thanksgiving is a whole month before you have yours. And guess what? I STILL saw department stores putting up the holiday (which really means only ONE holiday--Christmas) displays before we actually celebrated Thanksgiving! Oy vays mir... By the way, I don't understand the whole Santa thing at all (yes, I'm a Jew). I find the idea creepy... This guy's gig is getting kids to sit on his lap? Oh my god. That said, enjoy the holidays! (Ha ha) ~M

from smartepants :

When I asked my parents about the 3048934 santas around town, they said that each one was really just one of Santa's elves that does his job for him and brings the info back to him in the north pole. When I questioned why they were taller than what I believed elves should be, they said, "well theyre magic, what did you expect?" And I totally accepted that. Took it hook, line and sinker. What a crock of shit. 12/01/03

from mindquill :

I know exactly what you mean about the Santa thing. I was devastated too. I felt like my parents had lied to me, which of course they had, and I began to wonder what else they had lied to me about. That was when I went on my "I'm adopted" phase. My wife and I have three sons, and we told them from the beginning that there was no Santa, that it was a nice story but that it was not real. I just never wanted to have to tell my kids that I had lied to them about something.

from neva4getme :

I'm pretty sure the pine air fresheners are the best for getting rid of the smell of weed.

from say-good-bi :

lmao sounds like my kind of fun!

from kristintracy :

Well. re: "la-nage" I just wanted to say that when i saw it spelled "lanage" i thought that it would rhyme with "menage" as opposed to "manage". what does that SAY ABOUT ME???

from say-good-bi :

what do football players (hockey players...basketball...whatever) do when, while playing a game, realize they have diarrhea? LMAO....you know I was thinking that very thing while watching the last game of the world series....I said to my hub...imagine now with 1 out to go in the last inning....derek jeter get the shits!

from ozwald :

HOLLY CRAP! I'm so glad I came upon your diary. Just wanted to say hi and stuff. OZ

from say-good-bi :

omgggg.I wish my weekend was as exciting.I also wish i still had my grandmother,I really miss those family moments.she died in her fifties.

from everoboto :

Just curious, how did your grandma react to the entertainment? And who the hell was in charge of said entertainment? To be fair, the woman DID entertain you, probably more than a DJ would have, so maybe that's why she gets this kind of work ;-)

from magentafluff :

Wow. How old is your son? He sounds real funny, but for some reason I don't imagine him being very old...

from starrgazer02 :

Well I'm just so happy I was able to brighten your day! Its the least I could do since you make mine bearable every day! :) As for these babies...Oh my god! How funny! Not only are some of them just so darn funny looking their parents went ahead and gave them god awful names!!! I pity them when it comes to the high school years!!! :) ~Denielle

from myagirl96 :

love the diary. it's wonderful. but actually "Lesbia" is the name of the woman that Catullus, the Roman poet, wrote all of his love poems about. So no, it's not the plural form of "lesbian," although that's a funny thought...

from thedetails :

I hate chatter boxes in the movies also. But if the "Look" doesn't work for me I then turn to them and say "Excuse me, but I paid to hear the movie as well as see the damn thing!" This embarrasses my Hubby but it almost always works... but you have to say it with a lot of hostility.

from shaded-lily :

You're probably joking, but in case you're not: Lesbia is a proper name, most notably the name Catullus gave in his poems to the married woman with whom he was having an affair. e.g., http://www.vroma.org/~hwalker/VRomaCatullus/083.html

from lovingmysky :

Hi, I just wanted to drop a note and tell you that I absolutely love your writing!! It makes me smile everyday.

from starrgazer02 :

Your diary has to be the best way to start a new day! The first thing I do when I get to work is check out what funny stuff you have to say for today! Thanks so much for the entertainment! :)

from rizpickles :

HAHAHAHAH! *gasp* I have a son who is in Grade 5 this year. I ADORE your son's story and the letter he wrote. Kids rule. Seriously.

from everoboto :

Oh man, that note home from school was too much. Do you think the teacher wanted them to add the part about treating him like a dog? That's too funny. And his science letter was great. He's a witty kid.

from everoboto :

That email from your dad was absolutely beautiful. I had to hold back the tears since I was reading it from work. It's so wonderful that you have that kind of relationship with your father. I hope he's able to wake you many, many more mornings of Oct. 24. All the best!

from neva4getme :

Your entry with your Dad's letter made me cry!

from surfnskate :

you really did get the raw end of the deal as far as nicknames go. i like christopher guest too. those movies crack me up. i'm a bit younger though... you could say i am 18. have a great night -clay

from windshadow :

"spreadable cheese crackers red stick"...those are Handi-Snacks!

from en-trance :

love the banner... got me crackin up at work, good thing im on break... lol! thanks! and have fun with your lesbian baker! ;)

from shewhowalks :

Glad I could help!

from everoboto :

"Life lesson #543: ONLY when you don't check your order at the drive-thru will it be wrong. why? WHY?" That's so fucking true.

from shewhowalks :

Just wanted to say, you're great. You keep me laughing every day!

from everoboto :

Happy Belated Birthday!!!!! \m/

from kacklefight :

Nice diary, I'll be back.

from brain-dump :

Nice lookin' dogs, but destructive! I was drooling over your beautiful Himalayan cat. See how nicely it's sitting there, not bothering anyone? lol. Also still laughing about "thrash bags" and "spongees"

from smartepants :

aww your puppies are so cute!

from say-good-bi :

omg that truck is too damn funny!!!!

from i87exit35 :

about your kobe bryant entry....not only does "NO mean NO" but "STOP means STOP" and at such time when either word is said...after that it is rape, because it is no longer consented to.

from shatter-this :

XD! *hasnt laughed this hard in a VERY long time*

from say-good-bi :

I did click your banner..lmao.omggggg that is the funniest entry Ive read in ages!!!by the time i got to the part about the "buh-jina"I was dying.....my hubby uses that term when hes goofing around too!!!!!I would've loved to be in that drug store!!

from brain-dump :

My husbands "reasons" for the windshield wiper thing are that 1.)if you just leave the windshield wipers on, it's annoying, and 2.) "I can see" ...yeah, riiight.

from janysdrkpoet :

You know, I've always wondered what the hell the lyrics were to Southern Cross, I remember trying to sing it years ago and I would get so frustrated! Somehow I had managed to forget about wanting to know them until your entry!So I braved the gazillion lyrics sites and I find them!!I'm assuming that you might already know them or have since looked them up yourself but I'm gonna put the first few lines here just in case :) 'Got out of town on a boat. Goin' to Southern islands. Sailing a reach. Before a followin' sea. She was makin' for the trades. On the outside, And the downhill run. To Papeete.' Papeete seems to be Tahiti's capital-I had to look that up too, lol. Great entry by the way! Smiles galore every time I read you, you nut! :)

from brain-dump :

oh, and reading your profile about the nicknames made me remember: I had a friend in high school named Jennifer whose nickname was Foobifer. God knows why.

from brain-dump :

you can definitely post my OCD submission! Thanks! and thanks for your kind words! Now I gotta go read why Publix sucks ass. I lived in Florida years ago, and actually worked there. EEK!

from themarassa :

Ahahaha!!! That was great... and my very own asshead and I have conversations like that all the time! Thanks for the giggles.

from kristintracy :

You really have found someone special. I tend to make strange faces a lot. Sometimes involuntarily. But, there is one I make called "the shark" which is intirely voluntary. It involves curling my upper lip so that all of my top teeth show (including gumline). Bonus points if you can do it with only one side of your mouth. (an advanced move) I have an ex-boyfriend that once told me to "stop doing that" because I "look stupid". Yeah. I thought that was the whole point.

from kristintracy :

Hey, Gracie! I saw my OCD mess on your site. HOORAY! Man, I am so glad it is Friday for real. This has been a John Holmes-style week for me. BRING. ON. THE. LIQUOR!

from dani-lou :

The penality for sending emails against your request can be a fine up to $1,000,000. It could be a lucrative business. Ha, ha. Perhaps, you should through that card out there and see what she does. Hugs, Dani.

from janysdrkpoet :

Woman, you are awesome! Every entry is wonderful and I thank you for putting a smile on my face :)

from janysdrkpoet :

Hey again! Goodness, no! You didn't offend me at all! The entire time I was reading that entry,I was laughing my ass off and nodding in agreement! lol.It's good to find other southerners, those that can take a joke and laugh at themselves. Hope we get to talk sometime, I think you and I would get along just fine :)

from janysdrkpoet :

Hey:) I just wanted to say that I absolutely love your diary. You have a wonderful way with words! And yup,us country folk are known to inspire uncontrollable bouts of snickering but we sure is loveable ain't we? :)*cackles but in a normal way I assure you* Take care!

from godquestion :

Wowie! You are the funny. And mystery science theatre rocks my socks off.

from windshadow :

How hilarious! I know where that place is (I live in Phoenix). I've never been there though. Food any good?

from pushpull :

there's a place i like to have lunch on occasion outside of Los Angeles called "Mr. Swiss' Chinese Food". the story behind the restaurant is that it used to be a Mr. Swiss restaurant, that served american food, and it was sold to chinese restauranters [sp?] who either liked the sign or were too cheap to replace it.

from windshadow :

Heh, funny. The bitch deserved it.

from everoboto :

You f**king rule. I just found you through your Lesbian Baker banner and read like 3 of your entries. You're going up on my favorites like right f**king now. \m/

from sroo :

I just think you are hillarious! I always look forward to reading your new entries...which says a loy about the excitement currently going on in my life...

from chiizuyasha :

*giggle* You're funny. I like you. And that was odd for me to say considering I have no clue who you are... sorry if I frighten you.. I tend to do that... And I tend to ramble... So I should leave now...

from dust-settle :

great diary, clicked here from your drunken banner. (figures that caught my eye). funny stuff. take care. -michelle

from pingz :

hey, ur entries are really entertaining =)

from windshadow :

I'll pray for you if you'll pray for me. And I won't complain if you forget, heh. Glad George is back. I don't care a whit about Johnny Cash, either, but I will miss John Ritter. And yes, he has been referred to as a comedic genius. Although mostly since his death.

from dani-lou :

Enjoyed your writings today. It was great. It sounds like an office I worked in once.

from windshadow :

That has got to be the most sarcasm I've ever seen on one page. Loved it.

from pushpull :

oh my god!!! I came across your diary via your Dilbert banner, and you wrote this Co-Worker thing. I work in HR and I laughed so hard my sides hurt. I'd like to link you and read further. Nice ta meetcha.

from pjf-sans-p :

I've recommended you to all my friends. In fact, I tie them to the computer chair and force them to read my favorite entries (Lesbian Baker and Soooo Very Politically Incorrect). You got it, babay. *runs off banging spoons together*

from smartepants :

god that frog story was hilarious!

from pjf-sans-p :

Ooooh, I LIKES YOU!

from smartepants :

joo are hee-lahr-ee-us.

from thatgrrrl :

Yeah! You go, girlfriend! ERB - BEGONE!!!!

from magentafluff :

Oops. I wasn't sure if HTML would work. Apparently not.

from magentafluff :

OH MY GOD. I totally agree. I'm a sixteen year old girl who is overweight and I'm completely aware of it. Not only does it hurt my feelings, but it seems rather pointless for certain people to waddle on over to remind me of my current weight. THANK YOU, BECAUSE HONESTLY, I THOUGHT I WAS A FUCKING TWIG! YOU'VE SET ME STRAIGHT! God. I'm sorry. I had <b>two</b> experiences with this today alone (on only the second day of school), so your entry was just taken right from my mind. :)

from grumptart :

Re: Why Ooglee Fattalong Needs to Die AMEN!!!! <3 Ashley http://grumptart.diaryland.com

from grumptart :

My biggest OCD is that I cannot go through the TV channels backwards. I have to flip through them in sequential order. I HAVE to! And I also cannot use the number key pad, I have to flip (in sequential order, of course) to the station, even if it is just one station below the one I was just on. -Ashley

from mindquill :

It was fun and a lot like therapy. By the way, I love your diary!

from mindquill :

MY OCD List 1. I absolutely cannot go to sleep with the bathroom door open. If the light goes out, and I have not heard the door shut, or if I have not shut it myself, I MUST get up and shut it. I have no idea why. 2. No one is allowed to switch channels back and forth in my presence watching two shows at once. That irritates the hell out of me. If you are going to watch something, commit! If they insist on trying to watch two shows at once, I will wrestle them to the ground and take the remote from them. 3. If someone says the word "biscuit", I must quote the entire three-headed knight scene from Monty Python and the Holy Grail. If I am interrupted, or not allowed to finish, I will quote it under my breath until the end. 4. I hate talking on the phone. If I have to make a phone call, I will whine and cry like a five-year-old until my wife makes it for me. It is really pathetic, but I just can't help myself.

from misspinkkate :

Thank you for being funny. I will now read your diary everyday. Thanks.

from drowned-lies :

I'm sure you have heard this many times, but your diary is hilarious! and I'm a depressive, slightly goth, 17 year old canadian chick. I clicked on your banner, and I've spent the past hour laughing my ass off while reading your diary. lmao. I'll definitly be reading more in the future...

from ddrboy :

Read your Lesbian Baker entry and I think I'm in love. I'll be back!

from thatgrrrl :

I do love the way you think. That is all. :)

from mindquill :

That was a hilarious entry. I laughed my buttoff, and that's saying a lot because I have ample rear cheekage.

from californican :

Did you know that all that Dasani is made of is Abilene, Texas's tap water? (http://herkinerf.diaryland.com/homeless.html). It stinks, because the residents of Abilene are getting such beautiful water. Oh, really like your diary, I rarely see this kind of humor and thought process. =) Thanks. -S

from mindquill :

I loved your diary. Very funny. I am adding you to my favorites.

from voodoolex :

hahahah! carrying a laser! HAHAHAH!

from blood-stone :

BAHAHAHAHA!!!! That's all I can say.

from livefan91200 :

LMAO... I had a friend (who's gay) who had the same problem... kept telling me he had a pussy in his mouth.... grossed the helloutta me... but yeah, very amusing. L'amour toujours ~LP

from tarynheart :

Hahahahahahaha! Your poor husband! But that's HILARIOUS. Thank you for putting a little humor into my day!

from voodoolex :

re:lesbian baker AHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHHAHHAHAHAHAH! *gasp* AAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAH!

from mkboog :

I clicked on your banner, because it was cracking me up. Your entry about your george's med's was to funny! Thank you for the great laugh I will be back to visit more.

from brain-dump :

HAHAHAHA! I love the rant on pronunciation!! Here's a good one. Up here in Wisconsin there are some people who will use the word "borrow" for "lend". Example: "Hey, if you're going camping, I'll borrow you my tent" GAH!

from flyinby :

crackin' me up! diflucan is a pill i think, yeah? i near died laughing! lol

from thatgrrrl :

Well, what about Bojangles? Didja ever notice that they can't even make up their mind about whether it's Bojangle's or Bojangles' Famous Chicken & Biscuits.... at least on the big signs that are everywhere here in the South, the apostrophe is on TOP of the "s".... balanced precariously between plural and possessive..... ARGH!!!!

from magentafluff :

:D Thanks for the pronounciation lesson. I really hate the "ask" one... a lot of people I know do that, and everytime it happens, I feel like giving them a good smack upside the head. Also the "your" and "you're" thing. GOD, people are dumb. My ex-boyfriend said to me once.. "your pretty". I was like.. "what about my pretty?" He didn't get it, and I didn't explain it. Anyway, I'm really just giving a note to say I read, and enjoy. :)

from flyinby :

I love your diary, it's the most entertaining thing I've read in a long long time! You have a great sense of humor, keep it up!

from no1sgirl :

Hey, happened upon your diary via your 'Different Strokes' banner. I agree with you about old people in cars. They shouldn't be allowed because not only are they wreckless, but I have gotten behind a fair share who would seem incapable of doing the speed limit.

from chris :

I just read your "Plowed and Mowed" entry and at the end of it I yelled, "that's outrageous!" And since your writing is the charismatic kind that just might convince some people, I think it's necessary that I say this: George's calling black people colored can't possibly be attributed to northernness, or massachusettsness, or anything other than coming from George's particular family (unless maybe... George is over 80?). Having lived in Massachusetts for several decades --some of which was right next door to Salem-- I've only heard ONE person EVER say "colored" --my grandmother-- and she's 90 and notoriously careless. People here use the same socially acceptable terms that you do down there. Saying "colored" is definitely not something specific to this region; it hardly exists here.

from multiple :

i just read your entry about your poor husband and the c-o-l-o-r-e-d incident... *cracks up* that was HILARIOUS! my husband and i have had some very interesting little moments like that. very, very funny... it totally brightened my morning! ^_^ take care!

from tropicalmist :

Tooooooooooooo fucking funny!! You had me laughing til I had tears. You're incorigably hysterical. Thank you for the much needed humor. You're funnier than I am. You.go.girl.friend. *with the snapping of the fingers* LOL Have a great day.

from btchelicious :

I mean, the part about erasing it, not the part where you said my points were intelligently made.

from btchelicious :

and now that you have altered your entry, none of your readers will know how insightful I am and make good points and stuff. I need a plug, dammit!

from btchelicious :

Why have you altered your entry? I was going to comment that having passion for a cause is admirable but less so when passion inhibits reason. I'm not saying that you are not reasonable. The point I am trying to make is that emotional arguments that are not tempered by reason (and name calling is not reasonable) have less power and credibility then discussions that maintain a balance of rationality and passion.

from jonasparker :

Hi. I was looking over the recent exchange between you and Crystal (hapithoughts). I was wondering what she said that was so worthy of your blatant disrespect. Yes, it was you who turned a little disagreement into namecalling and insults, not her. You said, "The ability to disagree without namecalling and threats is one of my favorite things to participate in." You came pretty close to doing that yourself. You said to crystal, "obvious lack of grasp on the concept known as "Sarcastic Humor" and "you have to own the label 'retard'". Hey, that's fine. Say whatever you like. Just realize that you have to own the labels "hypocrite", "rude" and "intolerant". By the way, if you think I am saying this because I am against the war, think again. I would say this regardless of my stance on these extremely regrettable turn of events.

from hapithoughts :

well, first off, while i prefer peace, i did say in my previous note that i agree with the regime change, although i do admit that the sentence was a little ambiguous there. secondly, i thought you said in your diary you would welcome feedback? for your information, i also don't agree with the french doing what they have done with the statue, etc. that does not give america to do the same thing. thirdy, i found you quite rude in the note you left me. whatever. i didn't wail about their plight, i merely said what i felt about it. it's unfortunate that you took such a jump to reach all the conclusions you spoke about in my notes. thanks for coming by and judging me! next time you ask for feedback, maybe you shoudln't be so rude to those who give you some. you seem really nice. how's that for sarcasm?

from hapithoughts :

hmmm.... i can underrstand people being for the regime change in iraq, i dont agree with it, either. but to say that pacifists and a few other "groups" are stupid (sorry, to imply it) seems kind of like stereotyping to me. also, there is no need to become angry at an entire nation for not agreeing with you. the fact that many americans are angry at france angers me for several reasons. one, just because someone doesn't want to do what you want to do doesn't mean you should hate them. two, just because you once helped them doesn't mean they should always agree with you. three, changing the name that AMERICA named things because it has a reference to their culture in it because you are angry seems childish and foolish, as well as a waste of time and energy when we could all use a little conservation of those things. i was recently in philidelphia and witnessed a group of american men going down the road chanting anti-french propaganda. it's racist and rude, and i think that it's sad that a nation that claims itself as understanding and multicultural can become so blatantly hateful. defending the war as something you believe in is fine, but to saw that other people who don't agree with you should be taken care of next is a little ridiculous. in closing, i hope that this ends swiftly for everyone involved, and that america's international relations aren't damaged beyond repair.

from comment-anon :

I do curves (when I can) and if you stick to it, it really does work. The key words here are STICK TO IT. -Boo

from withwings :

He isn't doing much more to his people than the American government does to their own. He is a politician. HE LIES like all of them. I think George W should just say "hell yeah my daddy wants me to clean up what he couldn't do the first time." and it be honest. Also - the Americans funded many of its now "enemies" which should teach the Americans once again that you cannot fund people (Osama was funded to kill the communists) and then let them dangle. It is a war of your own creation. This is just a long long history of America sticking its own damn nose where it does not belong. Oil? Try solar!

from ncrebel21 :

BRAVO! After reading and hearing so much whining from the far-out leftys (read: liberals) I was blown away by your entry.

from jynxed :

HALLELUJAH! I actually clicked on your banner expecting a huge anti-war rant, but I was pleasantly surprised to find a view identical to my own. I grovel before you...thank you for showing me that there are a few rational people left in the world. :)

from mangoprawns :

i really liked that bugs bunny thing - where him and Y Sam kept drawing the line and then crossing it. thanks for reminding me.

from your-flower :

this is a note.

from redivivus :

hey I got one: FUNeral. Heh, I love to see your FUNeral.

from ava-novembre :

My God, you diary is one of the best I've ever leafed through. I love your personality and the way you write!

from dominia :

Hey! Clicked through your banner and found you. Nice read!

from honey-blade :

The problem with getting talking heads from members of the public is that, I've found, the intelligent ones are the ones who don't fancy the idea of being on film. The stupid ones are the ones who like to whore themselves to the camera. I discovered this while trying to make a documentary a few months back. It's given me a healthy hatred for the general public.

from angelinlimbo :

Wow...I just read your entry about Sept. 11th and all the worrying. I don't think you're alone. I've been wondeirng if I should somehow get in touch with everyone I know and let them know how much they mean to me before tomorrow. It's crazy, but it's like this small dark cloud that hangs over me once in a while. And I agree with you that the worrying is a little ridiculous and the "what ifs" get tiresome, but I think it's human nature, or maybe just nature in general, to be protective of those we love and ourselves. It can make your life nuts, but I think being human, one has to discern which worries are important to worry over and which ones can lay low. On an ironic note, I've traveled the most on planes since 9/11. And I hate flying in general. :)

from marvamillion :

Hi there. I stumbled upon your diary, and I just may consider allowing your views on the Southern US to replace my current ignorant preconceptions (though they're not that different). Until then, I'll remain just a humble Canadian who appreciates a good read.

from itsmylife :

Funny stuff you have here.

from thatgrrrl :

Sheesh, I've never counted, but it's got to be 15-20 or so. Depends on if it's at work (cheap tp) or at home (the good stuff). Obviously, more at work, less at home.

from mysterychic :

Hello, my name is Sabrina and I have a diaryland diary too, please go look. http://mysterychic.diaryland.com. Anyway, I find that no less than 5 squares is acceptable at all. I had to go "do some business" to make sure of my opinion. I like your diary, screw the dumb for taking them off their favorites. Leave a note at my diary, or sign my guestbook. Oh and of course I just feel the urge to talk to someone who is as boring and mentally unstable as myself so I'm going to give you my screen name lol. Fliz546. Please and thanxyou!

from gotthelife :

hmmm...I'm not sure how many squares of paper would be appropriate...even though I am amazed that these people take two. I mean...I've heard of conserving...but JEEZ!!!

from bigglasses :

youre great! you are so funny, i caught your diary on the banner and i wanted to say that a couple years ago i found a t shirt at a thrift store that SAYS i put the FUN in dysfuncntional! so yeah,... im gonna add you to my fav diaries cause you rock like chalk

from trulyu :

your writing is hilarious, why is there not more of it?

from beatnikgrrl :

**chuckles waaaaay too much** funny stuff, good writing... mind if I link you? well, I will, and if you wish me not to let me know. =)

from thatgrrrl :

Ok, I'm hooked. Suit vs suite. Yep, I'm totally in your court on that one. And the Golden Corral..... that had me ROLLING on the floor. :)

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