messages to hungrybug:
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from saudades :
Back in 2010 when my famous story finally stoped and was dead, I said to myself: What I have to do is just live one day , get through today, and then that will turn into months, then years, then time will somehow have gone on. And it does get better with time, you heal from things. Every day you get through is one real victory :)
from saudades :
Don't forget also that you are very loving and caring and beautiful :)
from saudades :
I recommend a cat! It will take care of you. :) Mine took care of me! Was more grown up and had more of a willingness to live than me! :D
from saudades :
These last three messages were left on Feb 27th 2019 (1), 2nd of March 2019 4:04 East Coast U.S. time (#2) and the other one to clear up when I left them right now (4:05) also 2. March 2019. :) (I like to leave dates, in case you only see them six months from now if you have mail turned off and because Diaryland doesn't do much of that except allowing us to still post for free, bless them!) ^_^
from saudades :
Hi again, Val. My Protonmail front page will not load. I am so sorry. I thought you'd have seen my message. I wonder if you still check your notes... I hope so! Because if I can't log in, please e-mail me at nanavut83 [at] [the mail that is run by Google, only one that exists dot com] Thank you so much. I do hope you get my message... (Or that I can manage to log in using Protonmail. I wonder what is wrong with it... :( I wasn't able to use it too much because of the limited space and the fact that it would close itself after too much time.) Thank you, Val, for reading this. Much love once again. XOXO.-Ana
from saudades :
Happy Birthday Val!!! I can't log on to Protonmail right now, so in case I can't...I want you to know I remember. <3 Love you! Hugs from over here .... ! All the way across the Atlantic -Ana
from saudades :
Love you, Val! (November 20th, 2018) <3 I can empathize with your latest entry sooo much. Hang in there, my dear, everything will be okay.
from saudades :
Are you having trouble with Diaryland, too, dear Val?
from saudades :
I'm going to be 34 and I still feel (At least mentally) like when I was 17 and started writing here. In four years you'll look at thirty year olds and see how young they are, I think. We who aren't married don't have to do half as much "adulting," thank God.
from saudades :
Being tired can cause us to read things that aren't actually written. (also most important is when it's just not interesting). No brain damage likely ;) I think it's actually a malaise of the times we live in. The fact is when your brain is too involved in other inner things going on, what you may read printed at first glance... may be totally wrong. It has to do with an inner state, but don't worry you are okay. Your brain is ok. Being tired and in inner tumoil constantly definitely can wear you down. I know cause I misread very often, and I know it's just me being consumed by inner world, not concentrating enough on facts at hand. ;)
from saudades :
"but then I drink something strong and..." That line was my favorite. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J-qJFnTkKF0
from saudades :
I adore you, and I've always adored you! :) Since you were so young. I'm proud of you. ♥
from saudades :
P.S. - And you're an AMAZINGLY, STUNNINGLY beautiful looking young woman under 30 still, so come on now!!! ;-)) Worry about aging in 25 years. At our age (circa 30), all we are is elegant.
from saudades :
ultimately I just accepted it one day (death). And coming to actually embrace that is life's destination can be really transformational, and kind of give newfound meaning to life, but I understand your deep fear, since I share that. I still get scared about it often because it is so surreal the whole fact of existence---of course this won't necessarily apply, ever, to anyone else, but even if some parts of it are scary, our look for meaning is basically universal. Whether we are dead or alive, we are like all humans who have ever lived in time. I've thought of death as a liberation. However, living is also a chance for that, but it's hard. I find that you can't ever have too much love! You just need to spread it around to living and nonliving things, channel it right, and it will renew you! ((Hugs))))!!!!
from saudades :
(((HUGS)))
from saudades :
I agree about the cigarettes, AND the other stuff mentioned.
from saudades :
I actually think in my own way, though, that when reality starts to match your dreams then something's right. There was a time in my life when I wondered whether I was actually seeing real people or not. It was scary... Because you're right, when you don't feel anything at all it means you are really temporarily ill. And when you start to feel things again, in my case I mean, you can't tell whether they're real or not. And when others start telling you (doctors for example) what they think you are inside and you yourself don't know, then for people as impressionable as me...it has driven me to the point to question my own 5 senses...but that was about six or five years ago. It's scary though!
from saudades :
Those thoughts are okay! I've had them. You know they aren't for real (and I know you know), but they're so therapeutic.
from saudades :
Oh I wish I had my own apartment..... :) with plants.... ahhh. How nice, V.
from saudades :
<3 I should read you more, I feel like I'm there even though it's happening so far away. Through your eyes when you write I can always relate to the general feeling. Love you.
from saudades :
the tanning salon? But ...! Your beautiful skin, oh no no no... I have to show you this crazy woman and what she did so you get that idea out of your head, amore.
from saudades :
to read mu diary using the new passwords, i took the same password combo that you gave to me to read yours. :) easy as 1 2 3, no? :) xoxo
from skjaadi :
this other girl whose name starts with R is a major villain in my story. socks..burgers.. porno films? i am glad i am so old. :( cos i really wouldn't have enjoyed such a discussion. i'm at the age where we really are just drinking.
from skjaadi :
pd- this is a name older than saudades. I just forgot the password for saudades completely. it's good it's gone,though, isn't it?
from skjaadi :
hi it's Ana. I am so sorry I haven't been reading lately... I haven't had any time since I have to write my thesis and all. But I still will send you candy, and I still think about you. I will have to sit down and read what's gone on, but it sounds like a whole bunch of difficult stuff. <3 thanks for answering me on fb...sorry maybe I should have p.messaged instead. love, Ana (saudades)
from saudades :
hahaha, it's funny about the spelling. Germanic language speakers sometimes have errors---everyone does in fact, but the worst are the Germans!! their English just suuuucks
from saudades :
hahahaaa
from saudades :
ohmg! you've never seen a woody allen movie??? ahhhh , well you have to see one! :) his movies are hilarious
from saudades :
You're welcome, dear :)
from saudades :
http://youtu.be/YASAvqqoFX4 :) I am so happy for you, and Cole Porter has some words of wisdom.
from saudades :
Aw, you're the best! :)
from saudades :
Look at The Smiths in this list :D http://www.spinner.com/2007/05/03/the-25-most-exquisitely-sad-songs-in-the-whole-world-no-25/ "Any opportunity to show Morrissey will please V.," I thought:)
from winteranfang :
me too! i don't feel like doing anything today just have some coca cola and spend time in bed reading some good books
from winteranfang :
you're welcome! all I say to you is just true. I have to limit myself not to write too much! :) I read your entries. I am feeling so just now with my own problem(s), I think school is torture.
from winteranfang :
inadequate and untalented? no no no nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!! that can't be. suppose you were!? what then? big deal. even the pantheon of greats were feeling so. i think what happens when you think so is that you are more aware and gifted, but you feel guilty of this!? it is okay to be so good as you. don't feel bad. <3
from winteranfang :
http://www.selfhealingexpressions.com/dream_interpretation.shtml I think there is a machine/app in a website on the web that plugs and unplugs the steps of each phrase in your dream, so that in the end it reads clearly. When it is clearly written in very generic, machinary ways, the meaning of the dream becomes ten times clearer. This one is "pscyho-analytical" and also it is mixed with "healing." :) What dreams have you had lately. I have one that was crazyyyyyy. I posted it on DLand, but I don't think it's apt for blogs, and I can't seem to want to lock myself up either. I am here in live journal winteranfang.livejournal.com
from winteranfang :
I think that sometimes people say such things about others because they secretly are interested in them and feel insecure.... <3 :D Usually their antics do not work, because they ruin their act in front of the one who is loved by all
from winteranfang :
chouchou, it always makes me a little bit uncomfortable/sad/ashamed/pained or even resentful too when people criticize innocent cats. i think it's a phobia.... cats have personalities. why can't they just leave them alone.... <3
from winteranfang :
My instincts have always told me that you don't need my approval, but since 2003 you've felt like my little sister on here. And anything you do is glorious to me.
from winteranfang :
2010-08-16 - 12:37 a.m. -- I'm just a little bit older, so I will tell you with lots of love that I think you're having tons of super adventures that are good for you. I think you're being careful. By the way, I wish I had kept all my diaries...., so well done. XOXO.
from winteranfang :
����Me caes tan bien!!!!!!!
from winteranfang :
PS - I LOVE your books! Those are the best, best books in the whole world. I loved the Henry Lee book, it was exactly how I felt. I used to read it to go to sleep.
from winteranfang :
Ahhhh, okay love. Take your time with that. Please don't worry about it so much. I'm sorry, but I'm so gone by my own writing at the moment, that I can't respond very well.
from winteranfang :
You're so beautiful, Val, and so loving. Your beauty comes from the inside, but it's so palpable to the eye as well. It's good that you want to live your life. I hate jobs, too. I don't want to work! People don't get that about me. They think, "Oh, there is a reward." That's bollocks. Don't generally trust people with that, unless you trust them. <3
from winteranfang :
Yeah, I don't think those scarves count as scarves, either. They are made for people with really thin necks, and my neck is sort of stocky.
from winteranfang :
Oh, I loved this entry! I also (often) wonder if really passive men are gay. Tihi.
from winteranfang :
Oh! But that doesn't mean I dis-like them, however. I own a huge, huge blue scarf for winter. It is so cute! :D Hahaha, I try to dis-like certain scarves, but I can't.
from winteranfang :
I like modern spring and summer scarves, but also softly-knit winter scarves. Which ones do you like best, love? I find there are so many different types; it is very hard to classify them. But I love light, knit scarves for winter. I don't like the huge-assed ones.
from winteranfang :
Hi sweetie. Yes, I changed my password. Now I have it up front in my profile, but the combination is nunca/nunca. :)
from winteranfang :
I doubt you EVER make a fool of yourself, dear. :)
from winteranfang :
I hope that men aren't all that bad! I got scarred pretty bad.
from winteranfang :
I want to live in a forest instead of lonely city, too!! :) Except I can do without the man part, I don't want a man. Men suck! What a beautiful idea.
from winteranfang :
dear, I know what that feeling feels like, it's horrible. you have all my sympathy.
from winteranfang :
your diary rules!! :D I like dreamwatch. well, in general i just like hungrybugwatch. it's all good.
from winteranfang :
sometimes I do have bad nightmares, like clowns laughing loudly in my ear - but those are not R.E.M. sleep dreams I don't think. the other night I had a lucid sequence in my dream, I was among cotton candy trees, and I said to myself in the dream "This is boring.. I am lucid dreaming, but I can't think of anything to do " Just like in real life, I get really bored in dreams too.
from winteranfang :
t'as peur du dark? me too. :) i was traumatized by some dreams in my childhood, like for example: one time i dreamt there were swords coming out of the ground all over my house. and when i woke up i was so scared i had to check my patio to see if they were still there. ack!! i am too restless to experiment with dreaming, but it would be great. :) :) muah! kiss for you. ;) hahaha

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