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messages to idiot-milk:
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from rumblelizard :
Hey thanks for the note! That's a cool print.
from beagle47 :
2009-02-23 - 12:20 a.m. "under constuction." this user's total entries: 1000 "Hot dog nog and other atrocities." Luckily, I don't have much occasion to talk to her, but still...just a few of the dog's giggles. hope all is, well...
from gerg69 :
Wow man, that was like your 999th entry. I'm sure you knew that though. Eh?
from red-wine :
I know, right? Sorry for sending you down that dark road. But see, we've found a way around it, and that way is bargaining. "OK, we can buy the toxic death brand of cranberry juice as long as we get the 7th Generation laundry stuff. Deal?" Which pretty much explains how I wound up spending $8 on an alarmingly small jug of detergent.
from zeroreverb7 :
love to you too hugs sweet girl :)
from red-wine :
Oh wow. That was, like, the "Alice's Restaurant" of plumbing stories. Good show, Madam.
from misfitstray :
I would wish that you would update a bit more often *sigh*
from beagle47 :
venti venti
from soapboxdiner :
In the peace-keeping spirit of the season, and with bolstered by the event of your continued employment, I think you should extend the olive branch to Billie. DON'T BEAT HIM WITH IT. Carribean Queen is still on my playlist, and it is GOOD. Come to the other side, Milky! It's warm here.
from smashthegas :
I still have a job in 2009 too. Sorta wish I hadn't though, which is extremely ungrateful considering loads of people are being made redundant right now. But then I work with bastards. Hehe. And what has Billy Ocean done? He used to be a pretty cool dude when he had his long dreads and tried a bit of rock stuff.
from strixia :
You kill me. Write more. Yes. More. Carry on.
from sarkasmo :
AY-MEYEN to snowtards. Believe it or not, people do the same thing up here in Ontario, but it's not so pronounced. I remember First Snow Syndrome in Cincinnati, and yeah. Usually there was a death within the first half inch of snow.
from cdstacks :
mexican fish pizza with egg rolls?... after years away, i returned to read and enjoy, change is good, so is consistency, thank you for still doing what you do...
from awittykitty :
High five, ms. idiot-milk. I was a total wreck until Obama went ahead. But woot! after that!
from strixia :
Mav-rick, Mav-er-ick/Which one is it? I don't know/Mav-Mav-Mav COURIC.
from sunstargirl :
that was the funniest entry I've ever read on diaryland.
from portlypete :
May I suggest two eggs, bacon, blueberry pancakes with syrup, hash browns. It must have been breakfast time when you stopped bickering.
from awittykitty :
Except for the fish sandwich part, I'm totally writing you in as my candidate in November. (I vote for Chinese food incidently).
from bathtubmary :
thank you for feeding my addiction! you are a genius. i (er, mike) will be utilizing your recipe straight away. xoxo, d
from prisonguard :
i just couldn't help but notice you said about hasselhoff that he can sing, and i just couldn't help but leave you my uttermost disagreement (ie no offense but he's about the worst singer alive... or worst anything.)
from awittykitty :
I wanna see the photo of you poking a whale with a stick, because I totally know you did it even though you said you didn't.
from pandionna :
I love you, babe, but you are sooooo going to hell for the culinary curiosity about bald eagles. Heh!
from sarkasmo :
Do you have a Flickr account? It's free and junk. I mean, you can upload your stuff there and link to it on D-land. I want to go to AK soooo much. Thanks for the heads-up about the deep-fried eagle and whale-poking, though. I'll research a little harder. Maybe those are on a specialized tour.
from smashthegas :
Hope you're holiday was good!! Smashxxx
from sarkasmo :
HAHAHA! Swishswishswish!
from portlypete :
That deafening noise I can hear must be the sound of Diarylanders everywhere downing tools and conjuring up a storm of word clouds.
from bunny828 :
Damn! I agree. I haven't heard of tongue infections. You win. I do hope the meds work quickly for you and you don't find and eat any more bad food.
from pandionna :
Clearly, the only way to know that what you are tasting is really what you are eating and not a product of something else is to eat only that which tastes like what your mouth taste likes. And I believe I just told you to eat ass. Oh my. But I love you anyway! (P.S., I'm on WordPress now. Too many problems with d-land comments. Yes, with this name, too.)
from annanotbob :
Brilliant! xx
from hissings :
you rock, so i want to give you the keys to my diary. cheers! username: wannabe password: sedated
from stepfordtart :
Most splendid confessions. Hoorah for you! s x
from strixia :
Oh, dear gawd, the ponytail holders and the nail polish had me crying! You rock, chica. Love, Mingo McSnarkypants. (Yes, 'tis I.)
from coldandgray :
Your confessional is true genius.
from awittykitty :
Your confessions sound like the premise for its OWN hit show. The only truly evil thing I ever did was give a message to this snotty reporter at our newspaper. He was doing a story about health care and because I was pissed at him, I gave him the phone number to a pet cemetary. He talked a good 5 minutes to the woman before he realized it was a pet cemetary. Hee hee hee. They all deserved it Idiot Milk. Ya done good!!! :-)
from nerryna :
your confessions are awesome.
from beagle47 :
ab positive plasma dude, on a schedule. right there w/ya! man, those free damn twinkies are GOOD too.
from noaddedme :
I'm doing platelets tomorrow (39th time!) Thanks for reminding people to GIVE!
from sarkasmo :
I gave on the 4th. Except, I gave here in Canada, so I don't know if that even counts toward your crisis. I got donut-holes; what did you get?
from smashthegas :
I would give blood, but the last time I gave blood (2001) they told me I was Satan's bastard evil sonand to never darken their doors again. (I ate all the chocolate biscuits.)
from portlypete :
Thanks for the mention. Guess I'll have to tell the (true) tale now.
from beagle47 :
Every time I get a note, or an email from a diaryland person, or someone adds me to their favorite list, I do the retard clap of glee and chortle like three year old with candy. didn't you hear? it's reunion month. c.f. zeroreverb7, exhaust, floodtide, et.al. i am picturing you clapping with glee.
from mens-vereor :
Sometimes I do the taping of the nose thing too in order to entertain my son. He, like your cat, is unimpressed. Some people/things have no sense of humor!!
from somthin :
Thanks, Dearie, I appreciate your steadfast support of my purposeless blather. All Best, JP PS: FYI, I had a pal who was standing in front of his boss, at her desk this was a long time ago, her name was something funny, like Gonilla (they called her Gorilla, apparently, very lazy if you ask me), anyhow, this old chum of mine was talking with this ape person and he scratched his nose without a thought or care. At that moment a dry booger rolled out and landed on her desk. He watched in horror as Gonilla watch the thing bounce around and come to a stop in front of her. They both stared at it for a few very looong seconds. He stated that he almost died on the spot. He could hardly breath, the embarrassment was killing him, also all the laughing, even many hours later. I think that might worse than a tampon but, you know, that's all in the subjective file perhaps.
from jumblygiant :
i was standing near the desk of my boss yesterday and fiddling around with a hair thing (ponytail holder? what are they called?) in my pocket and then, voosh, it flew onto the desk where she was sitting and doing boss things. and all i could think of was "thank god i didn't have a tampon in my pocket."
from sduckie :
In China it is considered a great honor to have a tampon thrust at one's midsection. Just so you know. I think you can go back with your head high.
from bi-pet :
what about either going in disguise or getting home delivery...
from jeffsmith :
I forgot to say: maybe then, the left hand would know what the right hand is doing, right? ;)
from jeffsmith :
Yes! I agree with what you are saying thus: When will people don the 'WWID' bracelet along with the 'WWJD' one? What part of that don't people understand?
from gerg69 :
"Untrustworthy, flappy bastards" are now... (is now? am now?)...my favorite string of words. Ever. Actually I think it's just the word flappy that I like. I'm going to call you flappy from now on. Miss flappy shall be your name and your name shall be Miss flappy. I'll say "helloooo flappy!" Aaaaand I suspect I'll get a slappy in return. But it WILL be worth it. Flappy.
from starbutt366 :
I absolutely love your writings!
from sarkasmo :
Oh, that poor kitty boy is plotting revenge. He's shocked that you'd put a chicken hat on him in the picture, but I can see in his eyes the beginnings of a grudge that will never be forgotten.
from awittykitty :
Cats poop? Why did you have to go and ruin it for me, dammit!
from smokefree-me :
Hee - go here: http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/dachshund They even say it with a German accent!!
from sparkspark :
"You fuck waffle" -- heh heh heh! I like it. I do not, however, like this whole "dash hound" trend. That has got to stop. XO Violet
from herdarlinsin :
You could make an awkward moment at Anger Management priceless lol God love ya'
from captvfirefly :
For those of you still wondering about the "Yummm" commercial.. the lovely Golfwidow emailed me and told me it was for Red Robin. So, there you have it. Mystery solved. (But it still won't leave my head now!)
from sarkasmo :
Still trying to figure out the Yummm, but I had to stop back and say that you are so very correct. It's bad enough that I'm living in Canada and everyone insists on saying "shedule" instead of "schedule". I can't fathom having to hear a noise like "dash-hound". Egads, my spine just twitched when I thought about it.
from captvfirefly :
Damnit, now I've got that "Yummmm" thing in my head, and I can't, for the life of me, remember who's jingle it is (and I thought for sure I knew it. My smugness got the best of me.). And Ted is absolutely adorable! Are the cats still tolerating him? Also, you have, of course, seen that website where people take pictures of themselves giving the bird to Hummers and posting them on the site, right? It's quite amusing, and every time I see a Hummer, I make sure to give the driver the finger. (And I wasn't going to comment, but I hatehatehateHATE "chillax." HATE IT. The next person I hear say it may just get a beat down. So, I'm with you. Stupid fuckers.)
from sarkasmo :
Oh, crap, now I can't remember the jingle that ends in "Yummm..." - I think maybe it's pizza. Snappy Cicada Pizza, no. LaRosa's, no. Donatos, no. Maybe it's not pizza. Crap.
from coldandgray :
I love him so much.
from herdarlinsin :
He's adorable. I think, however, that I have located his sister. She showed up on my front porch 2 weeks ago. They are practically identical. I should took pictures.
from black-bunny :
Oh gawd! He's wonderful! Here I am, I can't decide if my heart is big enough for two kittens, and there's you and your gang... taking in a big wonderful dog... You guys have big wonderful hearts. Seriously.
from herdarlinsin :
I would have called you Splendini.. Sharpie or no Sharpie. Splendini is f'in AWESOME!
from shot-of-tea :
I have to add you to my buddy list now. You had me at tampon.
from bunny828 :
ROFLMAO!!! I have so been there girl. However, I don't think I've ever launched one across a lobby. (I did get to the bathroom and it did not.) And yes, clearly you can not go back to work. Did you call in sick?
from sarkasmo :
Did you show back up at work today? If so, you're brave. Braver than I am. Or would be, if I went around shooting tampons out of my pants legs.
from sarkasmo :
HAAAAA, hahahaha. Hooooooo. Hehe! Oh, man. I'll have to come back later to leave a comment, because I'm just laughing too hard right now.
from herdarlinsin :
Cranky, or 50% happy - either way, you make me laugh. a lot.
from herdarlinsin :
LMAO.. I would have probably tinkled on myself during that tryst.
from beagle47 :
'milk! that's all. bye.
from thatgrrrl :
go to http://www.bobandtom.com/gen3/affiliates.htm and find out if B&T are in your area. I bet they are. They rock. :)
from thatgrrrl :
Heywood Banks!!!! Are you a Bob & Tom fan too?
from rumblelizard :
Thanks :D
from bathtubmary :
'yes, sometimes my lyrics are sexist but you lovely bitches and hoes should know I’m trying to correct this' - i could so easily become mel. xoxo, d
from awittykitty :
I'm a Rockin' Blog Girl too. Gosh, I have ham in my fridge too. I wonder how old it is? I just threw out eggs from April. I need an executive assistant.
from joiedv :
Let's make that 7-7-07, shall we?
from joiedv :
I have dubbed you a Rockin Girl Blogger. Check out my entry of 7-7-08.
from bunny828 :
Have Fun! And personally I think the best vacation would be the one with no prep. You just have enough money to buy everything you need when you get there. Don't you think that's the way it should be?
from bunny828 :
{{{hugs}}} and I hope you heard more about the liver and eye thing.
from sarkasmo :
As someone who used to compose emails in a professional manner for a living, I can say that they get GRADED like elementary school students, except not on grammar. If you know enough to tie up your dangling prepositions, your supervisor will ding you some points because the flow of the letter is stiff and choppy. That does not excuse the piece of manure that was sent to you, though - how can you screw up anything less than 4 sentences?
from loob :
You'll love this. :) http://www.engadget.com/tag/hello%20kitty
from dieselengine :
Congrats on the promotion and raise and assistant and vacation days and extra responsibility. Oh wait. Scratch that last thing. But anyway, good luck, I know you will do a great job!
from mousemilk :
Yo - thanks for asking. It should be at : http://www.opendiary.com/entrylist.asp?authorcode=D356023 If not, I'm mousemilk over there too. d
from coldandgray :
"Why are all the see-saws in the world built for two"
from tiaris :
Sorry about your car but I'm glad my messenger succeeded in his mission: He got you to write, didn't he? I'll have to give him a few extra sunflower seeds today. Heh.
from somthin :
This is difficult .... I f-f-f-fell off a see-saw once, and NOW look at me!
from sarkasmo :
At least it's just a bird that's mad at you (I'm assuming the spider has forgiven you and thanks for making ME paranoid about spiders now). I mean, if it were a PERSON pooping on your driver's seat, that would be way more distressing. And you definitely couldn't use the wind as an excuse there.
from sarkasmo :
You don't need to renew your membership. Use imageshack.us to host your pictures and images for free. Use Flickr. And Haloscan. Don't be fooled into thinking you owe Andrew any money, fool. Or you can go over to, like, Blogger or Livejournal or Wordpress or Typepad or something.
from sarkasmo :
If Michael Tobin had a better music library, I'd be more willing to share my intarwebs with him. Just to make it an international thing, I'm going to start blaming stuff on this guy, too - starting with the emotional immaturity of my mother-in-law. Also, I'm sorry about your hard drive. Was it overloaded with stickies? I think Firefox has something LIKE that, but it's browser-based, not desktoppy. Still an awesome idea, because the sticky part can't get all full of dust and require tape to keep it in place.
from mangofarmer :
I think I might blame things on Michael Tobin now too.
from tiaris :
Thank you, chica. I needed that. The cosmos seem to be on my side, too, as I just heard that Libby was found guilty. Maybe that will give Cheney the heart attack this country so desperately needs.
from chicknamedal :
You crack me up. I really wish you had video of the whole pj/backwards marching/chanting ritual. I have tears just visualizing it...
from sarkasmo :
Never heard about the PJ thing, but it obviously works. I'm like 600 miles away from you and it has snewn nonstop for the past 8 hours.
from haloaskew :
2/13/07: No, no! You can't wish too hard for snow day, or it'll never happen! You have to project an image of calm acceptance...and gather in mind many tasks of the day ahead that you MUST accomplish. You MUST return those Christmas socks at Target. You MUST buy an extension cord for the guest room. You MUST learn how to do latch-hook again and buy a kit. If you believe these things in your heart and soul, it will snow. No cheating! Or that storm system will go 100 miles north. I'm tellin' ya...
from beagle47 :
"...keep your fingers crossed..." paws, dammit. paws. i've got paws!
from beagle47 :
"...keep your fingers crossed..." paws, dammit. paws. i've got paws!
from beagle47 :
2007-01-03 - 1:27 a.m. just proves the point i've been trying to make my entire life: "fucking cats." bet you dollars to donuts that your cat reads that entry and will puke in the same place tomorrow to spite you. quick! there's still time to delete it...
from awittykitty :
My stepfather's siamese once puked in his ear while he was sleeping. He totally deserved it. Good kitty!
from bunny828 :
You make a cute elf. Thanks for the link. I made elves out of a few of my coworkers. They liked it too.
from loob :
Merry Christmas, Lynnda! :D And best wishes for a wonderful New Year!
from heidiann :
Oh thank god. I've been worrying that I'm going to feel exhausted and shitty for the rest of my miserable life. And now I think perhaps I won't! You've managed to make me excited about a horrible sleep study! Yay Lyn!
from beagle47 :
i fuckin' hate cats yet now own two. the beasts are sinister, the way they purr their ways into your hearts only to scratch them out. cat bastards.
from loob :
Lovely new kitty! :) Thought this link might make you laff yer ass off! http://prettyontheoutside.typepad.com/gilmore/skanks/index.html
from juliepoo15 :
Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyy!!!!!! A NEW kitteee-kattt... Yes, she IS ADORABLE. Congratulations.
from oldmaid :
YOU GOT TINY BACK!!!
from cardiogirl :
I'd overlook the fleas and mayhem because of her face. She looks kind of sassy, seems like Ms. Jackson might suit her well.
from herdarlinsin :
"swinging to and fro" that line alone made me giggle. Your humor has always amazed me. How do you do what you do?
from sarkasmo :
Yanno, if she keeps destroying things and bringing mayhem despite your pleas for peace, maybe her name should be Dubya. On the one hand, I think that's terribly clever, but on the other, I don't want anything named after that guy because it'll probably just encourage him. Forget I said anything. I like TK, BoM.
from awittykitty :
Okay, possible working title for your movie about hamsters with lasers: "The Hamsternators". Yes? I haven't eaten breakfast yet. I'll keep working on it.
from hangover :
i don't write, I think aloud. there's probably a difference
from oldmaid :
THANK YOU for calling to tell me about marc's! i actually drove out to target only to find that they were fresh out of borax. i didn't realize it was such a big seller :P anyway, i ended up driving out to marc's, where they were fully stocked! thanks!
from hangover :
WHAT?! I'm devastated
from gerg69 :
Uh, have you considered that the only thing that sucks more than standing in line at a cash register is sitting in line in a car that cant move in a traffic jam?
from sarkasmo :
Your shopping safari sounds like a winner idea. And I agree, like everyone else you talked to, that cell phone drivers are evil, and I can't figure out why anyone does it. I can let it slide for people who use a hands-free set, as long as they use their hands for driving and not for eating or smoking. Oh, and the call should be about something like directions and not just for talking for the hell of it. Your co-worker sounds like she didn't understand what a mean bitch whore she was being to you. I really want to give her the benefit of the doubt, but she said it THREE TIMES. So, to offset the renewed sadness of Richard the Fuckwad's recent demise, I leave you with this thought: Diet Coke custard pie. It could totally happen.
from loob :
Lynnda, Amazon is having a 70% off sale of Sealab 2021 dvds. Thought you might like to check it out. :)
from oldmaid :
eeeew, i totally have carpet beetles! i am going to spend some time researching them, but i'm worried because the some of web sites i've found say things about finding the source of the infestation and eliminating it. the source? does that mean that there's, like, an infested item that has a whole colony of these things in it? ew, ew, ew! but - thanks for the info!!!
from awittykitty :
Geeze, Idiot Milk, you sound like me. Are you sure you're not bipolar??
from monkey-king :
Chocolate tastes like bugs.
from juliepoo15 :
Wow, three wonderful entries in one day... It's true! What MORE could I ask for?! I enjoyed each of them thoroughly. They helped cheer me up, I'm having a shitty day. Your mom sounds so cute, makin' up stuff like that. My mom is like that, too. A silly weirdo. I love it because naturally, I'm the same way... And what an insensitive BITCH you work with. Good answer to her, by the way. She can go suck a lightening bolt. So there! That idea entry was great, too. Customer Service Chow! HAHAHAHA! That shopping safari is my favorite. I can't STAND shopping with the ignorant masses, either.
from coldandgray :
I love that email from your Mom.
from mangofarmer :
I wish my mom were cool enough to make up names for herself.
from loob :
I'm sorry you experienced that. :( You were not over reacting, Lynnda. Not only was that girl a complete bitch to you, but she kept repeating the awful comment, as though she had no soul and couldn’t see how awful it was. When my kitty died, my father in law actually said to me: “I hear your cat got smooshed.” To this day I regret not having punched his fucking face in.
from awittykitty :
Yeah, that was mean about the kitty. Our kitties are our kids, plain and simple.
from raven72d :
And the userpic, too.
from raven72d :
I loved the Six Degrees of Cannibal Corpse entry.
from beagle47 :
well, fuck your guestbook then. it was incredibly rude to me just now. you, on the other hand, gracious. i am slow. er, make that fucking slow. s.l.o.w. but, i sure like you and hope you feel better. platonically typing. but you knew that. i'll type again when you least expect it. hope all is well in the interim. ;)
from captvfirefly :
If I could send some antibacterial diary vibes your way, I so would. I had to laugh at the description of your anticipated meltdown (I'm sorry!), and I don't think I've ever agreed more that someone (you) could actually benefit from flinging some poo. Life has certainly thrown you enough poo lately, so perhaps throwing some back would do some good? I dunno. All I know is, I hope you feel better soon!
from zeroreverb7 :
hugs hugs hugs hugs. Love. chocolate. lots of warming spiked hot chocolate and cookies and hugs and more spiked hot chocolate....mmmwah sweet girl....here's to the end of a very hard year...mwah...
from vintagepearl :
I am sorry to hear about your sorrows, good luck with all. In time, you will heal, and things will get better. They can only get worse for so long until they hit the bottom. Then they can only go up. Take care.
from tiaris :
Just catching up now, lovie. I am sorry to hear about your great aunt. Much love and many hugs to you!
from juliepoo15 :
Well holy shitstains...what the FUCK?! Yea, I guess it comes in three's. Seriously though, enough is enough. I'm so sorry about your aunt and I truely hope you have a better time in life SOON.
from coldandgray :
She sounds like an amazing person, but yes, it is too much.
from red-wine :
What the forking heck, Lynnda? Seriously! End up '06 already, leave the girl alone! But ... sorry about the aunt. She sounds like she was a blast!
from sarkasmo :
Seriously.
from mangofarmer :
I'm so sorry about your aunt. :( I too am praying daily to the Flying Spaghetti Monster to make this year end soon, because, blah.
from oldmaid :
oh, crap. i'm so sorry about your aunt.
from captvfirefly :
I am so sorry to hear about your great aunt. ((((Hugs)))) I wish I had something profound to say that would make it all better. All I can say is, we are just going to assume that 2007 will be light years better than 2006, ok? It totally will be.
from luvabeans :
aw, hell. i'm so sorry, i-m. let's toast to you catching a fucking break in '07. be well.
from sarkasmo :
I'm sorry to hear about Richard, even if he WAS a little shit. Other than being in a strange vet's office, I like to imagine cats drift off to sleep, thinking, "Ooh! Bonus nap!" and then they wake up in a place where no one yells at them for sharpening their claws on the screen. I will hunt down and hurt anyone who tries to convince me it's different from that.
from loob :
I’m so sorry about Richard. It was the caring, loving thing to do, to make his pain stop. Best wishes, Loob
from mangofarmer :
I'm so sorry about Richard. :( I'm sure he's in kitty heaven right now tearing up all the furniture.
from juliepoo15 :
Oh HELL. Poor Richard. I'm sorry, dear. You definately made the right decision. Rest in peice Dickie-pooh.
from bunny828 :
{{{Hugs}}}
from sparkspark :
I am so sorry to hear about your cat. Oh, terrible, scratchy Richard. He sounds like a cat I would have liked. XOXO Violet
from red-wine :
SHIT! Richard? Oh man, that sucks out loud. I for one think you did the right thing. I worked at a vet long enough to know that people extend their pets painful lives more often than they should, just to keep *themselves* from hurting. He's okay now.
from coldandgray :
Damn, that is SO hard. You did the right thing, but how sad.
from oldmaid :
oh no, poor richard. i'm so sorry. he was totally evil, but he'll be missed all the same.
from awittykitty :
even little shits deserve love. Sorry to hear about Richard. ^..^
from twobaddogs :
I think that the word "crucifiction" totally cements your future in marketing. It's the best new word ever.
from innybunny :
hey nice site ur entries make mae laugh XP u can check out my stupid page if u want, its rather lonely and wants cookies. ::inny::
from awittykitty :
crucifiction....Jesus made you spell it like that you know.
from tiaris :
"Jesus says stand up. Jesus says kneel. Jesus says sit down. Jesus says kneel. Stand up. AH HA! JESUS DIDN'T SAY!" Twelve years of Catholic school and Mass every Sunday and on Holy Days of Obligation, here, and your entry came perilously close to making me pee. Now you know why I'm a Unitarian. See, we don't have to be told to stand up and sit down. We think about it, using our intellects, and we decide for ourselves whether it's right to sit, stand, or kneel. Or something. Can we play Jesus Says when I come to town, though? Like, "Jesus says 'drink.'" We can do that, right? Heh.
from bluesunhat :
Your Catholicism: ___ line's good. So's the bit about your being the Jesus for Geeks. Pretty darn good... ^_^
from coldandgray :
Jesus says stand up kneel down was my whole childhood + 8 years of catholic school I barely survived. Thanks for being my geek savior.
from nightmare54 :
"Fuck Waffle"? That is fucking funny! I will steal that to use on the temps!
from rancidbowtie :
Sweet jesus on a stick that entry was amazing. I love your diary. I hope to be able to read it foreveeerr.
from jumblygiant :
After actively hating my co-workers all day long, that was the BEST thing I could have read when I got home.
from sarkasmo :
Dammit, someone already got here and stole "ignorant fuck waffle".
from bathtubmary :
i am sooo stealing 'ignorant fuck waffle.' xoxo, d
from ottodixless :
Dear Pretend Internet Girlfriend, I'll definitely send you all the pretend presents and pretend flowers you deserve. I'm not sure about tattooing your face on me, but I may get it rendered in full life-size across my own face, possibly upside down. You should get a webcam in your fridge. Then you could check for cats wherever in the world you are, as well as seeing how much milk you have, and checking up on whether your cheese is having secret parties while you're out and getting drunk and prank-calling your mushrooms. I would watch it. Although I have to say, your fear of cats in your refrigerator sounds entirely rational.
from ottodixless :
Hi, I bet you'd make an excellent pretend internet girlfriend. You provide the funny more than amply, and I should really have included in my requirements that scotchtape-to-forehead piggy nose thing you mention in your profile. That is more essential than being an orphan. Incidentally, have you ever tried putting your cat in your refrigerator and seeing if he/she could get out, just so you'd know not to worry should it ever happen? (You could turn your fridge off first.) It might at least guarantee your cat never goes near a fridge again.
from f-i-n :
My mom and I have OCD. We check things all the time too--the doors, the locks, the stove, etc. I am learning to deal with it.
from dieselengine :
If you are going to watch cartoons and eat toast, please make sure it is toast with butter and cinnamon and sugar on it. That is what I always prefer when I watch cartoons. And chocolate milk.
from xf0r3verx :
hey there, my name is Larissa. i came across your diary and just wanted to let you know that i really enjoyed reading it. look forward to more entertaining entries =)
from sarkasmo :
KITTY! OMG Kitty kitty kitty! Kudos to you for saving her. I would take her, just to get on my mother-in-law's nerves because we're living with her right now, but I'm sure Canada's got plenty of strays to adopt if I get that wild hair up my ass. And btw, slim jims and nutella count as salty & sweet, but yogurt-covered pretzels cover both bases at the same time. Also btw, when you get married, never eat a peanut butter and pickle sandwich in front of your husband unless you have a negative pregnancy test in your pocket to prove that you just felt like eating peanut butter and pickles.
from loob :
This is absolutely freaky, because when I loaded your page it was 3:30am South Australian time! I hope you get some sleep Lynnda. If not for a little while, have a look at Snarkywood because they did a cool thing on the Emmys fashion. :)
from almost-sane :
I have been reading your blog for a very, very long time and I feel like I know you- at least just a little bit. And I was so heartbroken by the sad news about your dad. My thoughts have been with you and I'm glad to see you are handling it as best one can and it's probably good that your sense of humor is so astute- that'll continue to get you through. All the best. -A.S.
from coldandgray :
You had me laughing & SOBBING & thinking about my Mom who I lost a few years ago. Your dad sounded like a really good man and what you wrote was very special.
from monkey-king :
I finally finished with the whole vacation thing and saw the million other posts that were up by people, decided to ignore most of them and came upon yours. If you need a vacation, I know an island. Sorry, Lumpy.
from nightmare54 :
Now that that is all over with I think you need to get laid!
from tiaris :
Sweetie, I am so very sorry. I know what it's like to lose a parent. Much love to you.
from sarkasmo :
What a good post. I'm sitting here crying because I think you're going through what I imagine I will (hopefully not soon). Anyway, I hate hugging, too. I mean, I don't mind it, but funeral hugs are the worst. I'm not a germophobe, but there are so many runny noses and tissues at funerals...I've gotten pretty sick after the last couple I've been to. And yes, I asked, it's rude to Lysol people before allowing them to hug you, no matter what stage of mourning you're in.
from moebelle :
I am so very very sorry.
from hangover :
I'm very sorry to hear about this, Lynnda. I never know what words of comfort to give. My sympathys go out to you and your family.
from imissfriends :
I am so sorry to hear of your loss .. losing a parent is horrible .. I lost my mother about 2 1/2 years ago .. its still miss her very much ..
from loob :
I am so sorry Lynnda.
from serenaville :
My belated condolences, Lynnda. I wish you strength during this most difficult time, and peace and healing in future. *HUGS* -Serena
from hip2bme :
I'm so sorry for your loss! Warm hugs. Anele xox
from trancejen :
I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. much love.
from glitterbug88 :
I'm so sorry for your loss. You have my deepest sympathies.
from solitus :
Bless your heart... I, too, send you good thoughts and hope you're getting lots of rest. Hugs...
from vintagepearl :
My condolences as well. Stay strong, dear.
from meine-kleine :
I'm so sorry for your loss. Sending you all my good thoughts and condolences.
from sweetsoulsis :
Condolences from a random reader who's enjoyed your witty entries for awhile now: I'm so sorry for your loss. I wish you peace.
from hydrogeek :
So, so, so sorry.
from wildguess :
Another one that you dont know but has been reading your diary for a while. Im sooo soo very sorry to hear your dad died.I Cant really say much that would make things better but know that many people are with you during this difficult moment. Take care of yourself
from oldmaid :
***hugs***
from nightmare54 :
you have my sincere condolences.
from dinosaurorgy :
(Wow.. death sure brings in a lot of mail o_o) I guess that I'll add in my two cents: I'm sorry to hear that your dad died. I've never met the guy before, but I'm sure that the world is recoiling from his loss anyway.
from starke- :
I just want to add my condolences. From what you wrote of your dad, I could tell he was really rad. My thoughts are with you, for real. ♥
from razor-vixen :
I'm so sorry to hear about your dad.
from mangofarmer :
Well, you don't know me either but I've been reading your diary for a while. I am so sorry about your dad...
from ticktrix :
I'm so sorry. I know there's nothing that can be said to help you and your family right now, but you guys are in my thoughts. Take care.
from reynedecoupe :
I'm thinking of you. Sorry for your loss, and the shock of it.
from jumblygiant :
I am so incredibly sorry. For you and your family. Take care of yourselves. Laugh when you can. hugs.
from joiedv :
I am so sorry for your loss. So very sorry.
from saru-san :
I am so, so sorry. I know how horribly you feel, and I wish there was something I... or anybody... could do. Cling to your loved ones... take care of each other, and yourself. Much love...
from xevilsuziex :
I am so sorry. I know you don't know me, but I've been reading your journal forever. When you wrote about your Dad and what he was going through, I wanted to leave a note, to say something of comfort, but had no idea what. (I watched my Dad battle pancreatic cancer for months, so you would think I'd know what to say, but apparantly not, and I'm sorry.) I know that no matter what anyone says, to find comfort will take time, and however long it takes for you is okay. Please know your Dad is at peace now, and take time to remember all the good things his life meant. If you need a "stranger" to talk to, I'm here.
from idiomatic :
sorry to hear it.
from thatgrrrl :
I'm so, so sorry for your loss.
from mixedup :
You don't know me either, but I've been reading your site for years, too. I know there's nothing I can say that can help how you're feeling, but know that you have all of us, and we're here if you need us.
from engelchen :
I'm very sorry. I dont know what else to say. Take Care.
from dieselengine :
I can't possibly imagine how you feel right now. I am so sorry to hear about your dad. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help you. My thoughts and sympathies for you and your family.
from awittykitty :
Sorry my dear. Thinking of you and your family.
from badbadzoot :
I am sooo sorry, you have my deepest condolences. My heart truly breaks for your loss, stay strong. Much love.... Zoot.
from coldandgray :
My heart goes out to you, I am so sorry. Please know that he will always be with you.
from rabbitwister :
I'm sorry for your loss. May you find peace among your family and friends.
from juliepoo15 :
Awwwww hunny, I'm SO very sorry... I'm just another body in cyberspace, too, but I've really enjoyed reading your diary over the years. Please accept my sincere condolences.
from somthin :
You don't know me but I'm right there with you. JP
from bathtubmary :
i am so, so, so, sorry. xoxooxx, d
from imortlnoctrn :
i'm so sorry. it's been two years tomorrow since my mom died, so i completely understand; if you'd like to talk to a stranger, i'll be around.
from fridayfilms :
Oh my god. I am so sorry. This feels tawdry to leave as a note, and I know we don't know one another except in writing but I'm thinking hard about you. There's nothing else to say.
from herdarlinsin :
I dont know you, but Ive been reading your diary for years, Im so sorry about your father, I wish I had something better to say, but I dont know what to say either way. Im so sorry
from zeroreverb7 :
hi sweetpea..just checking in...sending you lots of love and hugs and hot cabana boys...mmmmmmmmmmwah :) peace
from loob :
You're right, it is a very good sign that your dad can move his toes and hand. All my best wishes and happy thoughts to him and to you.
from red-wine :
Oh gross and nasty and yucky. I'm so sorry Lynnda. Best wishes from me to Daddy Milk!
from coldandgray :
You are right, the Cleveland Clinic is especially great. I am so sorry for what you are going through; it is SCARY & hard & tough & difficult. You need to try and get some sleep so you can build your strength & be there for your Dad & your family. You still have to trust that it is going to be OK; you have to trust that no matter what.
from goingloopy :
That sucks...for your dad and for you and the rest of your family. Hoping for a quick recovery and that, in the meantime, the Universe decides to make everything else in your life good.
from oldmaid :
oh honey, that's awful. *hugs* to you.
from fuzzy-grey :
I'm gonna tell you this because I love ya... You know that sickness (or some other crap) and death is a part of life, right? Yeah, I know you do, but I'm just trying to make a point...Since you know this...it maybe...maaaaaaaaaaybe... a good idea, to not be freaking out right now. I know it's your dad.. your dad.. yes I KNOW it's your dad!! But if he sees how freaked out you are by this very natural part of life.. it's just going to stress him out more. Be strong, little Milky. We all love you, but there are some things you just can't help. You cahn dooeeet!!
from thatgrrrl :
Sending you hugs and healing thoughts to your dad. You're strong, you can handle it, even though you don't want to. Much love....
from imortlnoctrn :
i don't really know you aside from what you write -you're one of few i check d-land for anymore; and you likely don't really remember me -if you ever really knew who i was to begin with... but the following seems mandatory, as i know how you feel: ::HUG::
from zeroreverb7 :
First: I Love You...my shoulder is available...my heart is yours to dive into. Second: I still love you..just like I did three seconds ago..no..wait...I Love you Even More Now! Third: I wish I could quit my job and become your very own personal burden carrier... You are Lovely and Im sorry for all of that pain that you are carrying.....throw some of that over here....it's just too much for one person. You are a lovely and Beautiful Person.......hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs mmmmmmmmmwah....peace...:)
from awittykitty :
Yeah its hard when those people who loomed so large in our lives, our parents, are suddenly so fragile. My Dad had Alzheimer's and suddenly I became the parent. It was weird. So I will be thinking good thoughts for your Dad AND for you. Because why? Because I think we frequently forget to wish good thoughts for the people coping with a sick person and I think they actually need it more sometimes. Take care.
from coldandgray :
I get very angry every morning that I have to be responsible and get up. One of my coworkers is a chronic oversleeper & often does not get in until 2pm. So unfair. Now I am going to check that website to see what I can make with just Egg whites, ketchup and Ho Ho's.
from sarkasmo :
But it was Marjorie Hovercraft o'clock! Sheesh! Hey, my sister works at a children's hospital in the research dept, maintaining the giant mouse farm, and she doesn't have set hours. There IS no "late". As long as she puts in 40 hrs a week, she can just show up whenever. That's the way they should all be, yes? ...And MY blog's not defunct. If you go there you get a link to the real thing. PS, I got sedatives for the cats. Moving to Canada's going to be two cats less stressful, but just wait til they wake up!
from awittykitty :
Wasn't Marjorie Hovercraft the maid on the Jetson's? I could just be delirious from the humidity, don't mind me.
from dinosaurorgy :
I think that there's only really been once that I can recall skimming through your entries. Believe it or not, some of your readers (like me?!) enjoy seeing long entries.
from vintagepearl :
Dumbass banes!
from discodave :
Evil bastards, yes. Hey, at least you don't have to pay for the privilege of watching your terrestrial networks, like we do with the BBC. Yeah, they produce programmes that kick seven shades of shit out of most of the dross we get, but hell, we've PAID for it. Dxx
from sarkasmo :
I was totally prepared for Packet to hate me, but she didn't, really. After the initial, "I hate you because you took me to strangers and left me there and they totally put roofies in that drink and NOW LOOK AT ME!" --well, somehow I was quickly forgiven. My parents' cat is the same way. When her fur is long and full of mats, she's so shy and has self-esteem issues. When she gets shaved, and the drugs wear off, she becomes Miss Self-Confidence: Pet ME! Stroke my velvet-like pelt, damn it! ...I didn't think Packet would be like that, but she did. The lack of fur meant that she would get chilly and start to shiver when we began using the air conditioner, but that just meant she'd kick Mister off my bed at night so that she could soak up my heat. There was a big personality change for the better.
from nightmare54 :
I'm all for some naked boobies!!
from coldandgray :
So scary about your Dad. Glad he insisted on getting help and that they figured it out. (I did read to the end, by the way).
from dinosaurorgy :
I'm still reading :) (and never fear, I'm not waiting for titty pictures, I see that enough these days as is!)
from loob :
"He just kept staring at me balefully from under the coffee table, betrayal in his little kitty eyes." heeheeh! And totally planning your demise. Look out for those ornaments on high shelves.
from irreverent1 :
Hey, I'm still reading. (formerly captvfirefly) I'm happy to hear about your dad being released from the hospital. I'm SO glad that someone finally figured out what the hell was wrong and fixed it. I hope his new doctors are smarter. And? I seriously laughed my ass off reading about the cat trimming. I could almost see the look of kitty despair in his eyes from your description. Yes, that was damn funny.
from sarkasmo :
I took my cat to get shaved last month, and I took pictures. They had to sedate her to do it, because she's like your guy with the teeth and claws and bloodshed and whatnot. Anyway, if you feel like laughing at a funny looking cat, go here: http://sarkasmo.blogspot.com/2006/06/caution-pictures-of-shaved-pussy.html
from artgnome :
Your father's story is unfortunately not a new one to me. I'm hearing more and more about people being overprescribed and wrongly prescribed. Too many pharmaceuticals making way too much money. As for the cat, I know this rich guy whose cat goes to the groomers for that same mat treatment. the cat is regulary shaved, somewhat like a poodle, to combat the problem. It's a wonderfully strange and funny solution to the dread mats.
from zeroreverb7 :
i love you. :) hugs peace
from loob :
I have a heart murmur too! They discovered it when I was four. All it has ever meant in my life is that I have to remember to tell doctors about it, if I need surgery, like when I had my tonsils out. :) I know this probably wont cheer you up excessively, but Amazon.co.uk is bringing Green Wing series 2 out on dvd in October. http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B000FQIRT0/202-6877838-0432608?v=glance&n=283926&s=gateway&v=glance
from vintagepearl :
Life lesson number 399: Television is a hodge podge of awkward silence and screaming fans.
from discodave :
I'm actually bitter. BBC America shows shows from other TV channels, plus all the good stuff they make themselves (well, let's ignore Ground Force, ok?)... bastards. Green Wing is fantastic. Dxx
from oldmaid :
i hope they can figure out what's wrong with your dad and make him better. it's totally awesome that he calls his portable iv his robot!
from starke- :
Your dad RULES.
from sarkasmo :
The Sta-Puft Marshmallow Man.
from sarkasmo :
Oh, man. And you know, even if you HAD told her, it wouldn't have been as funny to her. We only think it's hilarious because reading it means we don't have to make eye contact while you relay a story about daydreaming about penis envy...if only for the purpose of ending a meeting more quickly.
from loob :
"...And I imagined dick tagging the useless fuckers..." I think that’s also called a turkey slap! :D
from sarkasmo :
I have a bike.
from golfwidow :
Oh, my gourd, Kyle XY is your dad?
from golfwidow :
Courage vibes re your dad. I wish I had something more constructive. All I have is a bonus bonus for the cat/cell activity: take bets on which cat will jump higher.
from sarkasmo :
Your dad will be fine, and I don't think I know anyone who's ever had hepatitis, so I can't even inadvertently impart doomy news about it. Because I'm that person, and I apologize profusely for when I do that. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to call my cats. :D
from dieselengine :
I hope your dad gets better, I am sure he will! Just hang in there. And no a side note, I am totally doing that kitty experiment. Lucky for me we have TWO cats and TWO cell phones...I shall watch the fun begin!
from rumblelizard :
Oh shit! You took the red pill!
from reynedecoupe :
I loved this entry. What a powerful way to start my day, thank you :)
from tiaris :
Sing it! I'm mad as hell and I'm not gonna take it anymore!
from monkey-king :
I have an excuse! I was living in England when they had the Mad Cow outbreak, and was told when I returned that they WON'T take my blood. Just to make you even more pissed off, may I suggest the documentary "The Corporation"? No? Well, up yours, then.
from golfwidow :
You need a drink, and if I were there, I'd be buying.
from bunny828 :
Alright Madonna, I'll be sure to avoid your-underwear-on-the-outside-self today. BTW: Thanks for the imagine of lightup bras. Would they light up all the time or only when there is movement (like the light up shoes)?
from loob :
I want to apologise profoundly first, and then tell you that I laughed and laughed and hurt my stomach, over your poor cold n fluey self. And get well soon! :)
from sarkasmo :
Oh, man. You just told teh intarwebs that you farted.
from coldandgray :
Your brother probably licked your beverage around the cup lip in response to your comment.
from vintagepearl :
Feel better. High five!
from sarkasmo :
Feel better!
from oldmaid :
I SO NEED TO GO TO THE MUTTER MUSEUM!!! also, i noticed that there's a room they rent out for weddings. i'm going to assume it's not a room with exhibits. but still. i can't even imagine.
from hip2bme :
Oh, you're so lucky! I'm so fucked up I don't even have childhood comfort food to save me! Hugs!
from golfwidow :
This is the second place I've seen a post about English muffin pizzas today. I think it's a Sign.
from oldmaid :
you've replaced *toilets* and *showers*? lord, if we ever tried to do that we'd probably end up burning the house down. i don't know how, but we'd find a way!
from dinosaurorgy :
About The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown pretty much said that none of his ideas were new at all, I myself have heard a lot of the theories used in the book/movie(/game?). I just saw that movie a few hours ago: personally I found it nifty.. but I wouldn't tromp all the way to France to go looking for the Magdalene just because of this stuff. Yes, it's fiction - I'm glad that other people know and remember that!
from vintagepearl :
Thank you for recognizing that fact as well - the book is FICTION and therefore shouldn't be all "Oh my God! Look what Dan Brown did!" Because it's a well written, entertaining book, and not like the guy developed the theories himself. Whipcha.
from behindtheat :
I'm in town but not the one going through the archives, just a regular fan. Good lucking finding the stalker. -Brian-
from awittykitty :
Yeah, I have some snoop here in town reading me too. I hate that. Good luck with the disappearing clothes thing. Personally I think its alien abductions.
from vintagepearl :
I enjoyed the longest run-on sentence ever.
from golfwidow :
My Friend Who Isn't But Is Sort Of is bad to do that. Insults my shit then, when I apologize for having been upset by him insulting me, says, "Oh, that's okay, I guess you were having a bad day." NOTHING about "Oh, and I guess I shouldn't have insulted you, huh?"
from loob :
Yes indeed! Ohmygod, I have had that very same frustrating argument scenario many times, but in my particularly delightful situation, the psycho-meltdown-freak is my mother. And yes, after she freaks out she tells everyone it was my fault. Every time. Without fail.
from somthin :
You are describing my last 5 days however you'd need switch, oh let's say, about 5 different people in the role of unstable freak. One a day, like vitamins. yum.
from beagle47 :
fuck yeh! on the bills. i feel good about that for you. cash-n-carry now, with the exception of that house you were going to buy...
from plopphizz :
Congrats, you have been Quoted: http://quoted.diaryland.com/mothers_day.html. Thanks for the great writing. -- Ploppy.
from loob :
Better even than Ben & Jerry's? Because they used to do one called "From Russia With Buzz" which was just the most fabulously full-on coffee icecream I've ever had! :)
from vintagepearl :
Did you throw up in your mouth more about that entry or the time you had Mexican candy? Ah, well, good to know Jenni's Ice Cream is swell, it certainly makes up for that Mexican candy.
from dieselengine :
Jeni's Lemoncillo with dried cranberries in it is divine...it is also easy to rationalize that it is healthy since it has lemons and cranberries in it. That is one of my favorites for sure!
from vintagepearl :
I imagine my life like that when I'm older. Except instead of marshmallows it will be ramen noodles and instead of Chubby Bunny it will be You Dumbass.
from vintagepearl :
MySpace. Haha.
from awittykitty :
I think that mc dreamy guy TOM on MySpace might have just slightly more people on his Extended Network, but I think he's kinda slutty.
from poolagirl :
My God! Your entry on Mexican candy made me laugh until I almost fell off my chair! I totally agree with everything you said. Have you tried their delicious salted plums yet? GAAAAAAAAA!
from sarkasmo :
So I guess you're not interested in jellied tequila worms either, then?
from mindsuck :
I'm still trying to get my head around how many licks it takes to get to the centre of a sweet, yet oddly tasteless lollipop with a cayene centre..... So glad I clicked....
from thatgrrrl :
No, it's Australians that have the absolute WORST ON THE PLANET candy. One word: musk. And they try to fool you by putting it in a pink LifeSaver-ish looking thing. Consider yourself warned!
from vintagepearl :
I enjoyed that letter to the Mexicans. I thank you, for now I know not to try Mexican candy, I'll spare myself some unneeded agony.
from officehours :
Your banner found me as I was lost and wandering in the desert of my bordom then it led me out and straight to you. (bless its little inanimate object's heart). I just wanted to let you know that I am Mexican and I agree whole-heartedly with you about that fucked up candy and chili thing. I think the/(my?) 'raza' just has a really fucked up sense of humor.
from beagle47 :
bah! how the hell are you? oh, wait, that's my banner up there. i've got to click it and make myself feel banner worthy. great knowing you. really.
from awittykitty :
Clonopin. It helps. An uzi . Even better.
from zeroreverb7 :
well fine. I mean ok! I will email it. Stop Yelling! I know I know You aren't Yelling...Ok..I will stop writing you a note now!!! (what are you sending me???) i heart you by the way ! mwah and peace
from loob :
Heee! Check this out! :D http://www.dailysixer.com/hoffsoap.shtml
from golfwidow :
Saucy, red and loving tomatoes, the girl with lycopenema goes walking ... Sorry. I'll come in again.
from awittykitty :
You've topped yourself. Loved your checks entry. Heh! I was going to say, "Noone is funnier on D'land" but I figured you hunt me down and kick my ass.
from sunshine0221 :
I am in awe of your retail therapy skilz. Although a few years back I was in San Francisco and spent so much money VISA thought my card had been stolen:)
from serenaville :
'There is only one correct answer to the question, “What do you wanna do with your life?” and unless you’re sitting there banging your head, you don’t know it.' Genius. I am SO quoting you, in my diary. My fealty to you knows no bounds. ;D
from ottodixless :
Hi. I've had a pizza losing its topping over the oven and floor as well, though luckily that week it was 2 for the price of 1 so I was able to heat up the other one. Cooking is far too dangerous, which is why I prefer to leave food in the fridge till it goes bad, then throw it out.
from zeroreverb7 :
I Love You too! mmmmmwah peacers sweet and beautiful woman!
from awittykitty :
My hairdresser Frank was once featured on a lifestyle segment on the news and used me as his haircutting model. Seeing it was horrifying though. The camera did extreme close-ups of my chin and eyebrows while he was cutting. BUT at least the haircut was free. YAY!
from sarkasmo :
Guess who's going to a Blue Jackets game in Columbus next Thursday? And who may need to visit Rebecca, the awesome hairstylist?
from zonoria :
NARTH. Ohmigawd, what deviants they are.
from fridayfilms :
Ha I'd completely forgotten about Eugene Merman. It's hours of stupid good fun. Well, one hour. I'm trying to type this off my matress, which is incidentally right on my floor, where the laptop is sitting. I even sleep with this thing.
from zonoria :
HAPPY BIRTHDAY! That is all. Carry on.
from sunshine0221 :
I am glad you were (sort of) able to make Limewire your bitch - and that was FUNNY. I have to laugh at myself when I get pissed that an, errr free, download doesn't work right, because who the hell do you complain to?
from bethany9 :
you're precious.
from f-i-n :
Cat food in your nose? I can only imagine.
from zeroreverb7 :
I LOVE YOU MORE THAN MY LUGGAGE MILKYWOO!!!! its true. :) MMMMMMMMMWAH!!!! :) peace
from monkey-king :
Well, I can't actually write my name in the snow. 'Cause I'm in Hawaii.
from monkey-king :
I actually get multiple orgasms. And without the PMS. And yes,I know you didn't need to know that.
from awittykitty :
at least you know what cats are thinking. Dogs are just dumb and complacent. And they're always happy to see you, which I find kind of annoying.
from goingloopy :
Yes, and the upchuck is never in shoes that can be cleaned effectively...and it's always your favorite ones.
from nightmare54 :
your spectral analysis looks like a Uterus!! I think you should see a Dr.!!
from barelytzu :
My spectral analysis is a bunch of green arrows, like chevrons. They're pointing downwards. Uh oh.
from golfwidow :
Your spectral analysis looks like a green butt. But mine looks like a smeared blue bolt, so whatevs.
from f-i-n :
That part about the cat with the soft head is really funny. I loved it.
from golfwidow :
I found some tomato, basil, and garlic pita chips without transfat that don't make me not miss the Cheese Nips, but do make me miss them less.
from loob :
I suggest getting a variety of different coloured sharpies and scribbling on your pill bottles. Then you just have to remember a colour code. :)
from zonoria :
It's nice to know that there's ONE game you can't inadvertently delete.
from zeroreverb7 :
oh my god what day is it? Lynnda day is coming..I can feel it....:) I Love this entry of yours...I do really believe that A Soft Cat should and could save the world. I Love YOU! Hugs Mwah Peace
from barelytzu :
You are so going on my favorites list. Awesome journal. And yes, Thundercats Ho.
from loob :
My cat is like that, she would rather climb into a box of drill bits and screwdrivers and have a sleep there, than curl up on a fluffy blanket. :)
from goingloopy :
At least your cat doesn't impersonate a kitchen or bathroom rug. That is one of my cats' favorite trick...particularly when I am trying to put on makeup, brush my teeth, or make coffee. The other two prefer spots like the exact center of my bed and my computer chair if I get up to go to the bathroom.
from ottodixless :
I used to eat the whole apple, pips and nasty plasticky bit around the core and all; I used to be really obsessed with eating lots of apples, though now that's all gone and I peck a bit and return to chocolate. And do you really want to know Barbra Streisand's weird habits? They probably involve sacrificing puppies and putting her hand inside their lungs.
from candoor :
it figures I'd stop by when your pillows were hanging out... your sense of humor makes the world a much better place... ok, so do your pillows ;)
from nightmare54 :
" Not that, you know, anyone cares" Well I for one do care and I really wish that next time you decided to hang out your "dirty pillows" you will have the decency to take some snapshots for the cleaveage-less masses out here.
from gwtw :
no pictures? damn.....
from drahmaqueen :
Lucky dog. If I had 'em, I'd be showing them to everyone. Enjoy!
from black-bunny :
I seem to remember a short story called "Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex" that discussed that very issue...
from golfwidow :
.:snork:. Faster than a speeding bullet, indeed.
from golfwidow :
Muppets don't eat. They have no appetites. Hell, if I had to go through life with someone's hand up my butt, I'd have no appetite either.
from meine-kleine :
My bet is on chemical things. Sucralose, maybe? Or would the sugar cane muppets be freaked out by what is essentially bad cloning? ...Toxic waste? I'm sure Beaker's in on it. It could also explain his speech problem, but that's a whole other dealy.
from awittykitty :
I think muppets are vegan, so they probably eat soy-based muppet kibbles.
from seven-point5 :
If only he had been attractive or I had been drunk.
from wellyesbutno :
<3 neutral milk hotel Feel better, missus. And also, I'm not sure if you know, but grapes are a great home remedy for migraines and headaches.
from nightmare54 :
I used to be the morning show host on 101.5 Krock. Medium market, middle of know where Kansas. But we still got state recognition. It was fun. Email me and I'll tell you all about it.
from zeroreverb7 :
Could you be Any Cooler? I forgot you were a dj in college. God! You are so Freaking Cool! :) Hugs!!! love and peacers
from artgnome :
I also had the dreaded herpes simplex 1 as a kid. I've only had two major outbreaks in my lifetime, enough to make sure I take care of myself and get...my...sleep! It's some painful shit and mine also went down my throat and over my vocal chords, rendering me speechless through both durations. agh. nasty stuff.
from zeroreverb7 :
Isn't Trishtastic of diarlyand fame a super rocking dj in Columbus??? You two should hook up...She is Awesome and Your are Hot..so its like...I feeeel the magic. I want to hug you and drink lots of martinis with you...that would save my life I think. Hugs Hugs Hugs! :) Love and Peace
from loob :
"David Hasselhoff is Hooked on a Feeling. Now I see why he`s such a big star in Germany." http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=15042
from sarkasmo :
When I quit smoking (3 years in March YAY), I blew bubbles. Have I already proselytized my smoke-quitting techniques here? Wellbutrin and bubbles. I took Wellbutrin for about 2-3 months, maybe 4, and when I got the urge to smoke, I'd blow bubbles. Pretty, and the cat was highly amused.
from awittykitty :
Five years ago I was diagnosed with diabetes (the kinds without insulin). It freaked me out so much I stopped eating all the bad crap and lost 45 pounds. Guess what? No more diabetes! Just something to ponder. Good luck!
from zeroreverb7 :
Brilliant!
from loob :
I agree, that is absolute genius!! And the entire execution of the plan must have been fantastic fun! I've had those gift-giving difficulties myself many times, and if you don't mind I'd like to copy your technique next time!
from vodkavases :
i agree... the underwear was the best gift in the world... if not only for the good amount of sisterly torture that was included in gift... the torture from my brother?? a 'letters to god' coloring book wrapped and then vacuum sealed in a tostidos bag... not nearly as cool... keep up the good work :D
from wiccaloser :
I truley adore the underpants gift, just thought I would say. And Next year or Birthday...er... whatever; if you have to get him a gift, check out these sites www.thinkgeek.com www.jinx.com they are both geek and gamer sites, my best friend is just like your brother.
from golfwidow :
Genius.
from zeroreverb7 :
I totally Love You. Not only because you are smart and beautiful..no..not just because of that. Maybe its because you are so Fun and Lovely. Hmmm...Or Maybe its because you can so easily make me feel so much better..when Im so down. I don't know how you do that Every time...But you do. If I could make the world notice you I would..I would put you on CNN and tell them all....That You are the reason the world should keep spinning...Because You are truly An Amazing and Wonderful Person...and I think it sucks that we both fell asleep on new year's eve :).....(any day now Im going to quit my job and sleep on your porch) Thanks for always sharing the best part of You Lynnda...I heart you madly!!!!! Hugs MMMMMMWAH Happy New Year!!!!! Peace!!!!
from bindyree :
Happy New Year! I'm glad you're on my Buddy List! ♥
from zonoria :
You know, I just read your profile--all the favorite movies and stuff. You kill me! P.S. It's okay to take the old place off your list. This way you can make room for another 'tard, er, writer.
from loob :
Oh, that holiday house in Costa Rica looks so awesome!!! You're so lucky!! :D
from nightmare54 :
Merry Xmas I M! I hope Santa brings you all that you need!
from loob :
"4. This last one is silly and will likely tarnish the reputation for cold-hearted cynicism that I work so hard to maintain, but whatever. I make it a point to compliment complete strangers." Me too! heh Now I feel less of a weirdo, because you do that too! I feel like that too, that if you're thinking something nice about a person that you should also actually tell them. It makes everybody feel good. And like you said, it could be the one bright spot in their day.
from loob :
Oh god, I laughed myself sick over that Chuck Norris page! I'm in physical pain now. That was fantastic! It's Christmas day here now, so Merry Christmas Lynnda! May you have just the most fabulous day, and a wonderful New Year into the bargain!
from muxxie :
Comstock of anti-porn fame? That's sad. I wouldn't tell people that. He set birth control back a century because of that bullshit.
from diaryquotes :
This is where I wish Dland had trackbacks so that I could ping you with the entry I just did that looks remarkably like this. Oh, and also, I tell people "SURE!" when they want to put something on hold, and then two hours later I put it back on the shelf. Because there's no use in explaining it to them. I do not relish working the day after Christmas.
from awittykitty :
thanks for reminding me why I'm no longer in retail.
from serenaville :
The only thing that could make that list more perfect, would be Chuck Norris exacting his dread revenge on Billy Ocean, for ever recording 'Carribean Queen'. Still, I think I just dislocated something, for laughing so hard. Yow. :D
from loob :
This might give you a smile. Happy Christmas too, hope you have an excellent season and New Year! http://www.stuffonmycat.com/index.php?startpos=40
from fridayfilms :
I'm sorry, that's awful. I've only been with my coworkers for nine or so months and I can't even imagine any one of them passing on (though a few of them are at that age, nearly).
from beagle47 :
my december 14, 2005 entry - your guestbook entry served as a sparkly inspiration! gracias, senorita.
from golfwidow :
I'm really sorry. I've lost two coworkers like that and it's always a shock.
from awittykitty :
Man, that's so random. Sorry you had to deal with that. I lost a coworker once, but it was shortly after I had left a job. We had even gone to a comedy show together. He was only 26. I think your company should at least let you acknowledge the loss somehow.
from oldmaid :
so sorry to hear about your coworker. very sad, and also weird and hard to deal with.
from zeroreverb7 :
Im so sorry Lynnda..hugs hugs mmmmmmmmwah peace
from beagle47 :
i bought you a drink but since you're not here to drink it i had to take care of that for you. next one's on you. we need it today.
from ker :
The phone # for the Future Shop near where I work is 416-GAY-CLUB. Of course, I work at Best Buy, so that cracks me up every time.
from rabbitwister :
So, where did you want the Republicans to line up?
from drahmaqueen :
I'm #10 into my box of Tampex. I love you too. xxoo argh!
from golfwidow :
I think that, by definition, you should pretty much rule out as a "hobby" anything that cannot fill in the blank, "What's new with me, Grandma? Oh, well, for starters, I've taken up ______________."
from fridayfilms :
Hey Ms. Milk. Thank you for the add. I love your layout and your content is hilarious. I'm sorry about your cat though. Kitties have teeny tiny little brains and who knows what pushes them over the edge? Good luck in calming him down.
from zeroreverb7 :
Happy Thanksgiving Sweet Pea!!!!! Love YOU!!!! HUGS!!!! mmmmmmmmWah!!! (sings) You are so beautiful to meeeee...cant you seeeeee? :) hugs love peace
from loob :
You should do your parents the favour of just confiscating that new-fangled tv. While they're away, maybe. It's just going to confuse them and stuff with it's overly-large new-fangledness. Save them the inevitable stress and headaches!
from nightmare54 :
I have seen this behavior before, just not in cats. It is the way prisoners act the first time they have beenm ass raped. Could the other cats have sodomized this poor guy?
from wellyesbutno :
I used to have four cats, and after my family and I moved to a new house, one cat (male) started attacking another cat (female, the youngest of all four). They were fine with each other before, but at the new house the male cat would just start hissing and biting and scratching at the other cat. The other two (both girls) didn't have a problem with either one of them, and vice versa. I had to keep the boy in my room the whole time to keep him from attacking the little one.
from ticktrix :
I have two cats now, but at one point I did have three. Two harassed the third and I think it was because the third was not healthy. A trip to the vet may be in order. Let us know how it goes.
from goingloopy :
I have three...but I've never heard of anything like that. I would just haul him to the vet...which sucks, because that's expensive. I hope he's okay and will just get over his freaky asshat routine.
from hydrogeek :
Nasty crack! BWAHAHAHAHA!
from bluemeany :
HAHAHAHAHAAAA! NASTY CRACK!
from beltwaybelle :
GREAT. You had to mention zits. And then I had to think about them. And now... JUST GREAT, OKAY? JUST GREAT!!!!!!!
from awittykitty :
I had a series of zits, resembling the Himalayan mountains form around the rim of my nostril this week and I damn near needed surgery to maintain an air passage way. It just ain't fair, is it?
from bunny828 :
LOL! You are one sick pup!
from beltwaybelle :
When the Pill GAVE me zits, I told my gyno that one should not have zits and wrinkles on the same face.
from beagle47 :
if that is lulu's in San Francisco...it is on the 10 damn coolest dinner experiences on earth list. go. now. take 'milk and zeroreverb7. 'milk? <insert all the things i could not write because it would totally be misconstrued here>. but, yeh, i really do. and, thank you thank you thank you!
from oldmaid :
why yes, i have been to lulu's once or twice. but it is certainly not in our usual rotation, and i would love to go back. another friend is interested in going as well. i have emailed the both of you!
from candoor :
you remain brilliant, sensitive, and amusing (to understand you :)
from zeroreverb7 :
oh man....Lynnda...I love ya...here is a big hug from far away...so sorry you are going through all of this bs. You are Beautiful!!! smooches Hugs
from zeroreverb7 :
You know...I pay all the time. And I think I do it...because Im so worried that the guy will think Im trying to take something from him. Im serious. I think Ive had maybe two dates in my entire life paid for. Not that I date alot...but...wow. Great Article. Love YOU Hugs Hugs Hugs
from zeroreverb7 :
That old lady was asking for it. You know. Karma and All. Just comfort yourself in knowing that whatever that heithan old woman did in her former life(or this one...those poor starved grandbabies!!!) she probably deserved it. You are just the messenger of God's Almighty Hand. :) LOVE YOU YOU WONDERFUL WOMAN! hugs hugs peace
from joiedv :
Oh you poor little key-slinging thing you. Maybe you should take all these stories and turn your life into a sitcom. I HAVE SEEN WORSE!
from beagle47 :
disappointed? in me? join the club! it's a big one. in fact, i think all who are disappointed in me should establish a religion based on the faith that i will disappoint, claim tax-exempt status, start broadcasting some disappointed sermons over cable television and make a million dollars or some obscene sum close thereto. you have my permission and hopefully the profit will serve as my personal recompense for all the disappointment i have caused in this world. just make sure you make a small annual donation to the ASPCA, eh? (hehehehehe - i made myself laugh at the expense of your notes - hello '-Milk! hope all is well!).
from muxxie :
I looked into the clothing moth thing on Friday. Our bug guy told me that they feed on natural fibers, hence why they ate your wool stuff, and you'd be better off wearing nylon or polyester stuff until you're sure they're gone. From the story, he thinks you've probably just got another bug in there that looks similar to a clothing moth and you're paranoid about having them again so you're freaking out. Its hard to be sure though so he said, if you wanted, you could mail me a sample and we'd ID it and go from there. We can recommend a pest control company in the area too, though he'd like to make sure you really have the clothing moths again before going further. If you're interested, email me at badassbluestocking@yahoo.com and I'll send my address and some tips on how to get a good sample size without damaging it and we'll go from there. *trying to help ya!*
from zeroreverb7 :
Im so pissed off right now. What is this person's phone number. i mean seriously. Jeeez. Horsecrap Man! Total Horse poo. Im mad. Bah. He/she has no idea just how Freaking Awesome you are Lynnda. And you are. Very Very Cool...and very good looking...:) Love You Sweet Girl Hugs Hugs peace
from awittykitty :
You've definitely got a case of total sucktitude there, Ms. Idiot-Milk. And it sounds remarkably similar to what happened to me. I requested Christmas to New Years week off in June. Boss said yes. Week before Christmas. Him: Oh.My.God. You must work that week! You have to do a 125 page church directory to put together. The one I should have done the last week of November if my boss hadn't had his head up his ass. So I did it. But I was a totally miserable, scornful bitch the entire week. I lost my vacation pay too, since it had to be used before New Years. We just aren't appreciated. Sigh.
from bluemeany :
Man. That's some rough shit. You might as well be in the Army, with THAT kind of ass-fucking. I'm sorry. That sucks booty.
from drahmaqueen :
My dear, I have two comments: 1) I have decided that you are the funniest human on the earth and 2) I shouldn't read your posts while drinking liquid. I could ruin my computer, since I tend to spew it out my nose with my uncontrollable laughing fits from your writing. That you for the smile break. I will keep on reading. It has been WAY too long since I have been on. Jen
from drahmaqueen :
THAT is a load of crap!!! I wish for you that your boss would grow some balls and get you what you deserve. Has he always been this spineless?
from muxxie :
Ok, girl I am on this for ya. I'm taking this whole horror story to work (I do pest control remember?) and sharing it with our bug guy. I'm guessing you didn't treat your bed and that's where they went, but that's a pure guess. I haven't heard of a closet moth infestation that bad, but its a first time for everything. Look at the bright side, you don't have bedbugs. Just one of those can live 18 months without feeding and reinfest your whole house and they hide EVERYWHERE. They're quite the bastards. Anyway, not to laugh at your misery, but you gave me a great case study so I'll try to find you an answer. PS I want an invite to the next big drinking party for this!
from golfwidow :
Get some cedar blocks. When they stop smelling cedar-y, rub them with sandpaper to renew them.
from bluemeany :
Dude. That is too horrifying for words. I nearly leapt up from my desk and ran around screaming just READING about it. I suggest burning your house down.
from hydrogeek :
I could be wrong, but I think moth balls only repel the bugs, they don't kill them. Maybe there is some sort of bub bomb/fogger you could set off to kill the remainder of the bugs, then keep up with the moth ball related products to keep them away? Or there's always that whole gasoline/fire thing.
from beltwaybelle :
I thought you had a cat. Can you just throw the cat at them? Hey, have you ever smelled mothballs? "Yes." Well, how'd you get their tiny little legs apart? Running along now.
from oldmaid :
eeeeew, bugs. i don't know how to get rid of them, but to keep them from eating your woollens, dry clean your wool clothes and then store each item in an individual ziplock bag with a cedar block (or mothballs. but the mothball package says they're poisonous. so i use cedar). someone also suggested that, after cleaning the entire closet and everything in it, you repaint the closet. i had them in my last apartment, and they are icky, icky, icky.
from juddhole :
You betcher sweet asstock that yer talkin' bout my sweetass too. Bah, who keeps track of damn names? You think mine's really JUDD? It's WELLHUNG. Yeah it is.
from bluemeany :
I knew I could count on you to help fill my OH SHIT THAT'S FUCKING NASTY quotient today. Thanks, you're an angel!
from juddhole :
I'm all about serious blogtime lovin, and even tho it's none o' mah bidness, tell me you and Gergins are all googly, even if it's a lie... I just love gettin' all schmoopie, and if you two are holidayin' together, I wanna envision some bumpitybumpity... sans cats.
from beagle47 :
you frickin' so kick-ass for keeping me on the list. e-mail beagle47ataoldotcom and i'll give you a special password just for you.
from fly-4-rinos :
It's safe to say, that I find you funny and awesome. Thr33 thumbs up. :D ha!
from zeroreverb7 :
thank you for my note booboo...I Love you too...and I sure hope to the gods that you feel better...And...most importantly..You aren't Crappy. No...You are Wonderful (dont argue with me) I heartily look forward to mochatinis..your amazing cookies..finger puppets and cartoons...that sounds like gods great heavenly promise to me :) Big LOVE hugs peace
from zeroreverb7 :
tonight would have been the perfect night to go and eat chocolate with you. How are you? Love and Hugs and all that stuff superwoman Peace :)
from candoor :
I wish your sister many happy days on Jeopardy.. about the odor, maybe the gnats were usuaing peroxide too?... or they might have had some bad beans the night before and passed a lot of gas... I hear gnat farts can be deadly when they swarm...
from zeroreverb7 :
Jeopardy...that is so cool. that makes me think of that saturday night live sketch! "Eat it Trebeck!" ahahahhaha. Hey. so. Like. You are the most coolest person ever in the entire universe. have i told you that? And you are So Hot! yeah baby! :) Im not sure if im getting a vacation now....you know how retail is. but if I can...I will wear my costume on the airplane. Lots of Hugs and smooches (you really are very awesome) peace
from bluemeany :
JEOPARDY!! Can I be your sister's BFF? I am in love forever with Jeopardy.
from muxxie :
You could be the singer for the metal band Blender Meat. Metal singers really don't have to be good. They can make up the difference with yelling/screaming and I'm sure you'd be great at that!
from golfwidow :
Our family goes in the other direction. My meatloaf is better than the Mom's, and hers is better than my grandmother's. If I liked kids as much as I like meatloaf, I'd try to have a daughter, but that's too odd even for me.
from loob :
You could still make a fat wad of cash by naming bands for a fee! :D Don't forget to get those two copyrighted: "The First Meatloaf" and "Blender Meat." Copyright Idiot-milk Enterprises.
from loob :
You could still make a fat wad of cash by naming bands for a fee! :D Don't forget to get those two copyrighted: "The First Meatloaf" and "Blender Meat." Copyright Idiot-milk Enterprises.
from awittykitty :
If you called it Blender Neat, it could be a bunch of really OCD Gay Guys who put doilies on things. I'm just brainstorming for ya....
from beagle47 :
i meant "kid(d)ing."
from beagle47 :
"I remember the precise moment I became aware of my own mortality..." all kiding aside? profound, '-milk. thanks. now, why i came. i gave your shirts away to a cool homeless man who asked "where'd you get these?" i explained the whole twisted story. he acted as though there were nothing odd at all about giving shit away over the internet to share peace with strangers i never have never met or never want to meet, then he said "thanks but a chick ain't gonna wear this shit anyway." i said "yes. that's the point," and winked. he laughed, i laughed, and your shirts now have a good home(less). i thought this was a great story but didn't belong anywhere that i write. so, now it has found a home in your notes. thanks, '-milk! peacers, -b47.
from beltwaybelle :
I hear "I suck at writing" all the time. Um, and I do suck at math, but mostly the algebra stuff.
from not-tuesday :
I had no idea that someone could major in glass blowing. And, I don't know that I've ever said that I'm bad at math. Because I don't think I am.
from iceweasel :
just another note on the whole prayer thing... (i thought zeroreverb7 had some good points... actually, a few people did.) for me, prayer (other than the "thank you" kind, which, as you said, kinda makes sense) is a means of examining what it is i really want; expressing out loud (or trying to find words in my head) for what i think i want helps to sort out the frivolous from the worthwhile, and to direct my thoughts and actions. i think of it more as meditation than prayer though. my flavour of religion doesn't lean towards churches though, and on the occasions i've found myself inside them, i always feel a bit embarrassed by prayers being offered. makes no sense to me either. in the end, i use prayer as a means of communicating with myself.
from pouncer :
Well, aren't you glad you brought up the question of God and prayer? I see you've gotten lots of answers, but I still want to add, when I was younger going to a private catholic school they taught us to pray (being catholic, and not christian) in our religion we have saints- these saints are God's little helpers/messengers and supposedly get our prayers to him, since he's soo busy looking over the world sometimes he misses things. Which probably explains all the hurricans and wars and murders going on. At least that's what they wanted us to believe. As far as the migraine thing, I HATE THOSE THINGS! I got my first earlier this month and it started with seeing spots ( i thought i was losin it) then I wanted to die, then I ran to the bathroom took a sniff of someone's nasty ass and puked my brains out. Does that count as a migraine??
from cabin-boy :
I laughed so hard over that, I almost GAVE myself a Migraine... (I'm so sorry, I had to say it... the little gnomes who live in my brain and trigger the REAL migraines made me do it...) Actually, I am SO in sympathy with you there. No one who has had only (heh, only) a 'headache' or even the evil 'cluster headaches' can even IMAGINE what it is like to lay in the dark, and not MOVE for fear of puking from a headache- or puking from a headache because you caught a whiff of some scent that made your brain explode. :P I am so sorry. They SUCK ROCKS.
from zeroreverb7 :
Thank you for my note most glorious of all Women:) I am feeling better...must've been that bottle of stoli (im just kidding..errr). On Prayer: CS Lewis said once,"prayer..it's not changing god...it's changing me" Perhaps prayer like meditation to a buddhist (or christ if you remember) expands Our consideration of others...maybe it is a practice in mindfulness. As far as praying for stuff...thats just...like..."oh dear god please give me a lexus" I dont know how to feel about that. It kind of bugs me actually. Anyway. Im rambeling now. I LOVE YOU! :) take good care sweetpea hugs hugs Peace
from loob :
I'm totally praying for you right now that you wont ever get another migraine! :D Ha! No, I know the potted plant already knows you don't like migraines. ...That makes him quite the contrary bastard, really. I agree, a God would problably get a little pissed off by all the repeated begging he hears, for things he already knows all about! hee! xD
from bluemeany :
I like God most of the time, but it gives me a migraine (Har!) to think about why He does anything or not. I mean, arbitrary or not, if you believe the Bible, God doesn't really play by the same rules as humans. At least, I don't know anybody who would sacrifice their only child to save the world, with no guarantee that the world would allow itself to be saved. And if you don't believe the Bible, then you probably wouldn't be satisfied with ANY answer to your question, because Christianity and the faith behind it is entirely based on the Bible. But that's just how I look at it. It also appears that I'm not a good person to try to answer this type of question ... sorry.
from awittykitty :
I only acknowledge God when I'm praying for a new car and a new boyfriend and thus far I haven't got either, so I think He's pissed off that I'm only using Him, as a wishing entity. I guess He's right. God, I hope He's not reading this. Heh, I just said "God"...now I'm really not getting anything.
from badbadzoot :
Religion and God and junk can be so complicated. But I don't think it is, I think we make it complicated. And I don't think God wants us to pray for "things", because that's selfish and the Bible tells us to build our riches in Heaven and not on Earth. Meaning that we are all going to die one day and all the possessions we have on Earth will not be in Heaven, but if we live our lives for God and being good boys and girls and not being selfish bastards- that is building our riches in Heaven. Because the Bible also says that God has (actual) riches for us waiting in Heaven. And I think praying helps build my faith. Praying is just talking to God, which means to all the non-religious people, talking to the air (when I'm driving by myself I "pray" to God and it looks like I'm talking to myself, and I do talk to myself a lot, but sometimes it's also to God). And I'm glad that sometimes God doesn't answer my prayers because I've prayed for some pretty dumb things that I thought were good for me at the time. For instance, I had abdominal surgery in May and I seriously prayed to God to just take me away right then. I wanted to just die I was in so much pain. I'm glad he didn't listen to me. And no, He didn't help alleviate my pain. It was a learning experience for me. And you might be saying "what the hell is she talking about?" I have a serious trust issue, and God taught me a little lesson. That's the way I see it. You may see it differently. The most important thing to have is faith, and then it all makes sense. Sorry this is so long. It's hard to explain.
from artgnome :
kind of hard to answer the prayer question in note space, but I will do my best. Prayer is in and of itself communication or just plain talking to God. When one has a true spirit salvation experience they become tapped into that line. God's Spirit is living within me and I can 'hear' Him in sense and have a direct line of communication with Him. Jesus gave us the 'Our Father' not to recite but use as a blueprint to pray. In it, He worships and thanks God first, then asks for provision. When it comes to asking for things, these things are to be for God's will on earth as it is in Heaven, meaning, that you are more likely to answer for a prayer for your loved one's soul than you are for your own selfish desires. There is a covering of protection that comes on you when you surrender your life to God's service. When I pray for loved ones, I ask that this protection be extended to those that are not under that covering and are more open to an enemy attack by satan. I pray that they come to Christ as I have and enjoy all that has been given to me through my personal relationship with Jesus. It is a supernatural thing whose description pales in the actual experience of it. I hope you are blessed and don't ever get another migraine. I know of which you speak and you are so right! I am always available by email to discuss any more spiritual questions you may have to the best of my knowledge and experience.
from somstar :
those are some odd things to be afraid off, sadly we have a lot in common (on the lines of fears.)
from zeroreverb7 :
the more i read about you the more i fall in love with you. and Im not kissing your ass when I say that. :) Hugs Peace
from awittykitty :
I thought you were OCD intially, but then you ended your list on an odd number, which was totally un-OCD-ish. Of course than you made a comeback on the 72 cats thingie. Hmm. I guess I'll have to consult my shrink on this one.
from vickithecute :
Ooh, I have chocolate vodka and diet soda in my home right at this very instant. Sadly, it is too late in the evening for a drinky poo (gotta get my beauty rest) so it will have to wait for tomorrow morning...er, I mean evening.
from sarkasmo :
No, *I'm* going to be the crazy woman with 72 cats. I'm up to two. I have to wait until I buy a house to get more because it's just rude to have more than 3 cats in a rental property. The other day, I told Darren that it's my goal in life to be the crazy cat woman. He still doesn't know how to feel about that.
from zeroreverb7 :
You know what? I love you. You Rule. After reading your 55 things, I thought to myself, "wow. we have alot of crazy things in common..." and, "wow.she really is my hero.." I don't ever cease to be impressed by you. Its true. And Ive thought about you all day..and there you are in my notes..and it was soooo nice.:) I am really really hoping that I can come and hang out with you in October..it should be come a holiday...Ohio in October!!! Yay! or something. :) Lets keep our broke fingers crossed! Hugs Hugs Hugs Love Love Love :) peace
from beagle47 :
"I'm learning to live without you now But I miss you, baby And the more I know, the less I understand All the things I thought I'd figured out I have to learn again I've been trying to get down to the heart of the matter But everything changes and my friends seem to scatter But I think it's about...forgiveness Forgiveness Even if, even if, you don't love me anymore..." oh, wait, this isn't the request line. sorry 'bout that. ;) hope life is swell with the new toilet 'n' all. peacers.
from bluemeany :
Among other things, the fact that you named your pet after an antacid makes you my hero.
from loob :
“I’ll have the chef’s salad with oil and vinegar on the side and the apple pie a la mode. But I want the pie heated. And I’d like strawberry ice cream instead of vanilla if you have it, if not then no ice cream just whipped cream but only if it’s real if it’s out of the can then nothing.” “Not even the pie?” “No, just the pie, but then not heated.”
from zeroreverb7 :
Yay! god you so rock. You are like Bob Vila only Way Way Cooler! love and hugs :)
from smokinkudzu :
crap weasel maintenance tards = best. thing. ever. written.
from bluemeany :
"Heroin-addled lemurs" ... [snort]. Oh, and, um, "prease poo poo boys" is bad, but have you ever had "his pretty dress"? I think not. Man, people are freaks.
from gwtw :
that's pretty fucking funny....you mean you actually WATCH tv? didn't you know it's 100% bullshit????????? btw, you're not supposed to have to sand plaster...you're supposed to put it on right the first time. And if you screw up, use a wet sponge to fix it. or maybe that's just with drywall mud, I don't know about plaster, because I never used it. have fun! I built 3 bathrooms, along with a kitchen and half a house and 2 garages. You're exactly right that it's a fucking pain in the ass, and you should hire some other shmuck to do the work.
from fritzthecat :
Wow, after about nine or so days without a good rant, I was beginning to think that you had become content with life or something! Glad to see you back on the rant-wagon. - Ed
from bethany9 :
that entry made me want to pretty your pretty little head.
from pinkysmiles :
I have read your journal for some time now and had to comment on this entry. While you are entitled to your own opinions I wanted to give you a view perhaps from a different side. My 4 year old daughter was diagnosed with cancer on x mas eve of this year. Every day I call her my little hero. While yes she had no choice in her body actually creating the cancer, she has the courage to wake up everyday and smile and play and do things kids do, no matter whether she is going to the hospital to get poked and prodded for the hundreth time, whether she is getting life saving toxins pumped into her body that has caused her hair to fall out and everyone to call her a "little boy" when they first see her even if I have her dressed all in pink but even through all that she still keeps going and she does it all without fear, or anger, just with the will of the strongest little girl I have ever had the privelage of knowing. And that is why even though her illness may not seem heroic to you, to me she will always be the greatest hero I have ever known. Thanks for letting me tell my side...
from zeroreverb7 :
I think a red lumpy rubber band bracelette campaign is in order...."Give to the Itchy"...order yours now. See. I AM INSPIRED BY YOU! hugs love peace
from nightmare54 :
HOLY SHIT!! My sentiments exactly!(RE: sick people getting better) Where can I send my check to the Itchy elbow fund? That is something that I think is worth my dollar.
from herdarlinsin :
I love Goober.
from zeroreverb7 :
ok so here I am again..saying..Im a dork because I didnt get back to you soon enough...you are probably in Va right now..or maybe driving back..or eating a chalupa or...anyway...I am off next weekend if you are anywhere near me. And as far as my vacation..Im really really hoping that I can annoy you for a few days!!!!!! I may never leave. :) LOVE YOU
from zeroreverb7 :
ok so Im a dork for taking so long to get back to you..OMG you are going to be here in Va? Im about 4 hours away from Hot Springs..when are you going to be there???? I allready have august 12-16th off....does that work out? Let ME KNOW. LOVE YOU SO MUCHO!
from incogneat-o :
you say it almost as much as ahnold.
from juliepoo15 :
Love your comments on what irritates you...ESPECIALLY the one about breeders. It's usually the stupid fucks who keep reproducing because it's the only thing they CAN do. That is precisely the reason the human race is getting more and more fucked up, generation after generation. It won't be long now...
from bluemeany :
You, O Sandwich Genius, may be my new hero.
from smokinkudzu :
goober grape and fluff! let me tell you, that's manna. i swear it. god dropped goober grape and fluff out of heaven. fluff and peanut butter alone is, of course, called a fluffer nutter. fluff and goober is fluffer goober, obviously. my dream is this: Future butler Jeeves: "master christopher, would you care for another fluffer goober samich?" (note: fluffer goobers are not sandwiches, but samiches) me: "of course." Jeeves: "with or without a guiness this time, sir?" me: "I'm thinking with, Jeeves. Thanks."
from beagle47 :
dearest Queen of the Winter Carnival: i still have t-shirts for you and Jen. however, not having received your mailing information they sit, pristine and unworn, longing to be sent. any help you could provide would be most appreciated. signed, the (non)- management.
from fritzthecat :
L: Tis I, Ed. (We traded some e-mail last fall.) I shot you a note at the "winter carnival" e-mail... it's been a while so I don't know if you check that one these days or not. (If not, I'm at ed79461 -at- myfastmail.com.) Congrats on the new job! Shoot me a note sometime and we can wax philosophical and all that jazz. Later! Ed
from awittykitty :
I so hope that 2005 is a good motherfucker for me too. Glad to hear all the good news. Just here to tell you...People who work in nonprofits are generally really nice people. Just thought I'd pass that along since I just started working in my first in November. Go Idiot-Milk!!
from zeroreverb7 :
Hi..I was thinking about you today..I was like..god...I havent said anything nice to her in a while. I wonder how she is. and I wished I was getting a great new job in oh-10 just so I could hang out with you. I wish..today..that I could sit across from you someplace any buy you a drink..because you've earned it and because you are wonderful...and even though i only met you once..I miss you. Im so happy for you...you are lovely and smart and Dead Sexy!!!! Yeah I said it! :) mucho love beautiful...HUGS peace
from bluemeany :
Mad props for the new job, yo! It must be great to work for a place that's not trying to sell anything or brainwash you.
from stellarose :
yay for fulfilling nonprofit work! congrats for serious! and i'm sure you'll find a nasty thong bathingsuit to take your fucking jubilation down a goddamn notch or two.
from hydrogeek :
Congrats, Ms. Milk! I work for an environmental type place, and there's nothing quite like going home knowing you did something GOOD today.
from loob :
Yay!! Fantastic news about the new job! Congratulations! Also, see if you can try on something in a sort of mustard-colored sateen... that couldn't possibly fail.
from monkey-king :
Ok, so in the Batman flick, when he's all uppity about not executing anybody and then BURNS THE ENTIRE HOUSE DOWN EFFECTIVELY KILLING EVERYBODY INSIDE... did that seem a little incongruous?
from bethany9 :
you paint such fantastic visual imagery.
from nightmare54 :
It is about time I come back into style.
from breathtaken1 :
thanks for the tip...I bought the Tutti Dolci today...I am on my way up to try it out. I bought the sugar wafer type, but after I paid, I saw a rack of others that were 50% of :( If Iove this, I will go back and grab them quick!
from artgnome :
I have that same drop everything the day before my period comes, nice to know it's not just me. Also, yes, single and divorced people need showers too. I think though, you just move and then have a housewarming party, that should do the trick!
from zeroreverb7 :
I suck. Because You left me a not that made me cry ahppy..that would be Happy Tears of Joy..thus they are happy..and I Love YOU and I Thank YOU....YOU are QUEEN OF THE UNIVERSE! no you really are...Hugs Hgus Hugs mmmwah Peace
from pithos :
Found your site through Dean the Monkey King. Grovel,Monkey Boy,grovel! Sorry. Temporarily overcome. Truly dig the cat haiku. My own humble offering: What makes me bitter? I hear Queen's Under Pressure Think: Ice, ice baby. Thank you.Don't forget to tip your bartender. --Pithos
from juliepoo15 :
Congrats on the new job, I really hope this one doesn't SUCK. I enjoy reading your diary, you are so very hilarious. Yes, it's nice to know that there are others out there who drop things in the toilet...several times in a row. My all time favorite entry though, is the one about deep frying the turkey. You're a very talented writer!
from sarkasmo :
Congrajibalations on your jibbity job...(what? I thought you wanted to talk like that.)
from zeroreverb7 :
I want to be nerdy just like you and Yay a NEW JOB!!! Yay! You Kick Ass!!!! :) Love YOU
from nightmare54 :
That's all we get? "I got a new jibbity job"? No letting on what it is you'll be doing? Where? WHy? C'mon throw us a fricking bone.
from awittykitty :
Congrats on the new job. Yay! Good for you!! And yeah, doing anything with ISBN # when you're not a librarian is a little (ahem) nerdy.
from monkey-king :
What, you mean it will catalogue all my books for me? Will it write my reviews as well? 'Cause I'm a little sick of it.
from iceweasel :
i would come to your showers and bachlorettes and pre-wedding showers and single-person weddings and bring you toasters and vacuums and microwaves and silverware and toasted, microwavable silver vacuums. and i wouldnt even mind if you didn't have free booze. single people need nice stuff too!
from icefacade :
"I suppose it's a bit odd for a person who is uncertain about the existence of a god to continually swear to it. Or him. Or her. Something." that is odd. but ironic.
from sarkasmo :
I think it's that newfangled shower registry game they have at stores now. Since there's no actual human intervention (snobby woman walking around behind you with a list), you can run back and forth to the registry machine with, like ANYTHING. That's why I was so tempted to register at Meijer. We could put blank CDs on there if we wanted. Awesome.
from gerg69 :
HEY, I want one of those parties too!! Goddamnit! You know maybe one boy traded you for a baseball card, but at least he didnt trade you for a bologna sandwich!
from goingloopy :
Right on, sistah. Half those fuckers will be divorced in five years, and then you'll have single people with way nicer stuff than you. And I completely boycott showers and all that shit. One present is plenty, greedy ass monkeys. Plus, half the time, there's not even free booze at the wedding to kill the pain.
from breathtaken1 :
I dropped a cell phone in a mug of coffee once. I had to take the back off and the battery out and dry it all really well before it would work again. Even so, it leaked coffee from the button occasionally after that. And there was an episode of sexandthecity which dealt exactly with your single person wedding issue. If you never saw it, you need to.
from breathtaken1 :
I am ready to buy your recommended body scrub and join the soft bottom club, but I need a little more direction...when you go to their webpage, you find like 6 pages of body scrubs!!!! If you could come up with a tad more info, like the name, that would be great! Thanks.
from monkey-king :
I am opening that clinic, if you're interested.
from beagle47 :
hey! that's it really. sorry 'bout your crappy work stuff. i'm sure monday made it all better. ;) you still make me laugh. thanks. bye.
from sarkasmo :
Oh, I DO hope you can end up getting paid to sit on your ass!
from awittykitty :
Its always so hard to gauge how you're feeling there, sweetie. My condolences on having to be on the phone with the nitwits of the world. I used to sell advertising at a newspaper and I don't know how many times I just wanted to take an uzi up to a clock tower and shoot everyone. Hope things get better soon.
from bethany9 :
sell all your shit on ebay. look on craigs list for new jobs. monster.com blows. participate in focus groups. tax free cash, yo. job market is pretty good right now. you'll be ok. you obviously have super intelligence and a rapier wit. the world loves people like you.
from pandionna :
Ouch! So sorry. I hope you find something new entirely, soon!
from monkey-king :
Hey, I'm really, REALLY honored for the add to your buddy list. I’ve actually read you fairly consistently over the last year but was reluctant to join because, at nearly 600 fans, it seemed more like joining a cult. Or hanging out with the popular people. Or looking through the fence for a popular cult like a little lost eunuch. I guess I’ll stop pretending and reciprocate. Hope the mix of timeline while I clean up at my site isn’t too confusing.
from zeroreverb7 :
I agree with goingloopy...and omg Im so sorry..and I Love YOU and I love YOU and I Love YOU..hugshugshugs..(those bastards!)
from goingloopy :
I feel your pain on the layoff thing...happened to me a few months ago. They called me back, finally. What you need to figure out is if going back on the phones will pay more or less than unemployment. If it's about even....I think getting paid to sit on your ass wins. Good luck.
from bluemeany :
I was going to write you an extremely clever note, but someone's shitty, annoying banner is distracting me to the pont of non-cleverness. Nice job with the FWOOMPH though.
from gwtw :
more microwave fun: peel the skin off a grape. Cut the grape in half, long ways. Set both halves in the microwave, with the ends about 1/4" or so apart. close door, turn on microwave, and enjoy!
from bethany9 :
couldn't have been that fat of a wad if you mistook it for a candy wrapper. but maybe thats just me.
from bluemeany :
I know how you feel ... I lost my military ID the other night (yes, NIGHT) when I moved my cigarettes from the pocket it was in, to a different pocket, and it fell out. I freaked out and had to crawl on the ground for about an hour before I retrieved it. So, yeah, good luck with the money-finding.
from bethany9 :
I feel you on this crabby ass day. I feel like I am going to explode. I want to stick my foot through this monitor. My only saving grace is going to Red Lobster in T-minus 2 hours. I love that place. CHEDDAR BAY BISCUITS BITCH!
from zeroreverb7 :
you are the bestest person ever. because you just made me feel all loved. and that is just what I needed. you are the sweetest and I love you...:) hugshugshugshugshugs :)
from hangover :
thanks for the words. i found they do help
from beagle47 :
"ugly chili dog?" there is simply no such thing as an ugly (chili) dog. <low-pitched growl>. ;)
from bethany9 :
i think i really love you.
from pandionna :
So when you go to a Chinese restaurant, are you going to order One Hung Low? :::ducking:::
from bluemeany :
You are not alone! I've been attempting to lose weight recently too, and all it's done is prompt my male friends to approach me and say, "Hey, are your boobs smaller?" What the fuck is up with this? Something must be done, and I'm glad you have called attention to it in such an entertaining way. -Meany
from awittykitty :
I think on the Planet Friztzerp, women with smaller right breasts are automatically elected president. (p.s. funny entry).
from sunshine0221 :
I laughed so hard that now I think half of my ass is smaller. Thanks Milk!
from zeroreverb7 :
first of all..I love you...2nd of all..you are totally hot. thirdly...you know the LB has that new racer back smooth performace cleavage enhancing bra right? dude..it has air bags in it...so...you take the left air bag out and leave the right air bag in..thus...your breasts will be even...they are running kind of small so go a size up (try it on before you buy it) do you have a coupon? I can send you one...You are So Awesome...and you are so my heroine. Love YOU Peace :)
from crazee24 :
Hey Milk.. was reading ur diary the other day, and then all of a sudden remembered this hilarious thing you used to call people.. especially over-the-phone clients.. something about fuckstick or along that line maybe? It's bugging me that I can't remember, and it'll be so hard to find! Take care, u rock.. Justine
from moretoknow :
See, I'm on the other side. As wierd as it is, I love putting all my stuff in boxes (throwing out all the stuff I should have a long time ago) and re-painting walls and designing room spaces and what not. It makes me feel famous. Like I was on TLC or something.
from candoor :
fingers are crossed for your house plans :)
from clusterfuq :
i think i am falling in love with you.
from bethany9 :
MAN! YOU COULD HAVE USED THAT MONEY TO HELP DYING ORPHANS! SHAME ON YOU! SHAME! SHAME I SAY!
from gwtw :
there's a good Tricky Dick joke in there somewhere, just waiting to come out...but I can't think of it.
from not-tuesday :
You're Dick Sick.
from invisibledon :
sorry missed the memo about e-bay but I would have done my best to keep you off there - oh and congrats on the items you bought - hmm maybe it's better that I didn't help
from ker :
Mr. Peanut capitalized on your trailmix receipe and is now selling "Nut trailmixs - with chocolate buttons!" (Smarties) Just thought you should know they're ripping you off. Bastards.
from thatgrrrl :
Whenever that happens to me, I just say, "It's an empathy thing." :)
from science-girl :
When my husband (then boyfriend) and I bought our house, we were lucky enough to have sellers who were willing to participate in the Ameridream program. Check it out at http://www.ameridream.org. We ended up buying our house with only about $1500 down in good faith money and house inspections. It's a great deal for both the seller and the buyer.
from serenaville :
My husband was a first-time home buyer, and he bought our house through an FHA mortgage. Whatever you do, just be SURE to have at least $1,000 more than they tell you the closing costs will be, because the original quote will be wrong... set aside even more, if possible. It happened to us, to his brother, AND his best friend... At the closing, I might add, which is never when one wants to find out. Best luck!
from sarkasmo :
Oooh, home-buying. They say it's better than renting, but I've never been (and by choice, never will be) one to do my own yardwork. So yeah, condo is good, but then you have to fix anything that goes wrong on the inside. Also, none of the housing options are free. Why is that? It sucks.
from breathtaken1 :
I would load up the roomies, and head off to a mortgage broker. I don't think they would charge you anything to talk to you, and their job is to come up with money for you. If there is a way, I think they will find it. That is as far as MY expertise goes.
from awittykitty :
I'm not sure how low income you are, but HUD programs are available to help low income people get loans to purchase homes.
from nightmare54 :
My Bouby (cybil-522) is a real estate agent. So drop her a line.
from oldmaid :
yes, fha is what you want to look up!
from hydrogeek :
I think a program for federal assistance to first time home buyers is FHA. A quick google for "first time home buyers fha" garnered me oodles of good looking hits. Good luck!
from poetown :
yikes. those poor single mothers. will they be relegated to home births a la boiling water and towels to bite on? what is happening to your country? These are rhetorical questions but... and I know you already basically said all this, I'm just agreeing... how do these particular interpretations of these [this] particular relgion/s suppose that healthcare is in anyway subject to their personal opinions? It's too crazy. the basic gist of all religious ethics, to my knowledge, is 'love your neighbour'. But I guess the definition of 'neighbour' is up for grabs. I hope you keep updating on this issue. I don't envy you your geographical location.
from poetown :
I'm not from Michigan, and I'll admit I got bored and did not read the entire proposed bill re. rights of conscientious objection w/in medical services, but I am wondering if, perhaps, it is more related to abortion services than to rectal exams?
from black-bunny :
As a big ol'goth, I can proudly say I AM NOT AN INDIVIDUAL. I know I look like everybody else. I simply cannot be buggered to find a so-called unique look. I have sleep to catch up on, beers to drink with friends, and a job to go to. Only poseurs say poseur, man. *snickers*
from jezolina :
WHAT'S ALL THIS ABOUT GOING TO A SLEEP CLINIC? DUDE! I work at one. Let me know how it goes or if you have any questions. I still love you. I'm just broken, y'know?
from zeroreverb7 :
They didnt even invent that look...they bought it at hot topic! how did your clinic go??? Love you Lots of Chocolate Martinis!!! Hugs
from bethany9 :
I had to go to a sleep clinic once. And I could not sleep. Its hard with wires taped to your head. So good luck with that.
from incogneat-o :
you forgot to look at the positive of the situation. least you could sell the tapes to the horny boys lusting after you here...
from zeroreverb7 :
I shouldnt have just laughed so hard that my iced tea splattered everywhere...I mean..its not funny..those are genuine concerns. Im sure you will be fine. Maybe you will have a supremely gasless night. And. I hope they are able to help you and that you feel better...because I heart you madly. Now..if you will excuse me..I have go read it again and laugh some more. I love you. :) Hugs Peace
from golfwidow :
Maybe you could just buy that bed that the Bionic Woman sleeps in and it'll cure everything. If I hit the lottery I will buy you one. 'Cos the Bionic Woman rocks.
from nightmare54 :
Are you done being crabby?
from herdarlinsin :
Your rants and funny comments and kicking people in the shin is always the spice that lights up my days.
from hooterville :
Let's add some embellishment to your cat's situation: Almost his entire brain has, essentially, turned to soup. He has only a brain stem, which basically does just enough to keep him breathing, pissing and shitting on himself. He cannot feed himself. He cannot move around. He cannot recognize you. Wherever you put him? That's where he'll be when you come back, only he may have fallen over onto his face and suffocated while you were gone. This isn't just "sick", it's a total absence of everything that made him your cat. If this was the case, NOBODY would question you putting him to sleep. However, I totally agree that starvation? Not kind. Horrifying, and repulsive in every aspect, actually. Unfortunately (depending on your stance) physician assisted suicide is not permitted, or else it never would have gotten to this point. I don't know for sure, but I wonder if Terri Schiavo knew beforehand that she would be dying from starvation and dehydration when she declared her wishes while she was still lucid.
from loob :
Yes I am so with you on that, I don't see how they can possibly let her die slowly like that!! So cruel. I hope they can agree on a way to help her die comfortably and swiftly. She has no cerebral cortex left, I believe? So there is really no hope for her future. Poor lady.
from zeroreverb7 :
that is exactly what I was thinking this morning when I was listening to "experts" talk about this whole thing on the radio. You are so freaking Awesome! You have had said it so perfectly! Love you Hugs Peace
from pandionna :
We do treat animals better than humans. We euthanize animals quickly and painlessly when they are sick and not going to get better. Just saying here, too. You know I adore you, right? Okay.
from herdarlinsin :
You're a riot. Minions like myself should really pay more attention. 50 cents? I hope you get to feeling better.
from awittykitty :
I was going to ask for some sympathy for MY severe sinus infeciton, but I guess I'll just head over to the Butthead Miscreat's site, since I'm more likely to hear from someone. Ha, ha. I'm joking. Well, not about the sinus infection part unfortunately. I've come to the conclusion that it must be a disease that only affects really intelligent people.
from starbrights :
I hope you get better! :)
from almostnormal :
I've been in insurance for years (no, I'm not saying it with pride)...and I've screamed at claims adjusters many a time to get off their asses and finish the claim. If your car isn't fixed yet...call your agent and tell him s/he better get on the phone and make some calls or not only are you going to leave, you're goin to stand in front of his office with a sign telling random passerby what a horrible place it is to do business with. Threats will get you everywhere! (As long as they aren't direct threats of violence, those only get you in trouble.)
from ok-pc :
get better soon!!!
from beckybaggins :
Lurker here (found you through gerg) who wanted to say hello and that I hope you're doing well. Sending well wishes and good vibes your way!
from breathtaken1 :
Please get better. Gerg knows who we are and where to find us. I jest. You make my day when you post an entry. Feel better soon.
from mentalimages :
Um. Hope you don't die. And FYI, Steve Guttenburg is the general manager of one of the radio stations here. Apparently he read your letter.
from awittykitty :
Dear Girl with Venesian/Martian Flu: Please don't breathe on me, ok?? But Gergsy said to stop by and wish you well and I definitely don't want to incur the wrath of THAT guy. I think he has a vial of anthrax or something. So get well idiot-milk. OK? Good.
from artgnome :
gerg says to come here and wish you good health and good will. and so I do. Behold the power of gerg nitmo! Really, be well, and soon!
from beagle47 :
oh, one more thing: if your cat were a dog it would be totally impressed if not completely baffled. see, dogs are that way.
from bethany9 :
But Steve Guttenberg has super sexy chest hair!
from beagle47 :
yo! not really. just fuckin' with you. ;) but, seriously, hope you're getting good material out of this shit. i'm going back into hibernation. peacers.
from beagle47 :
yo! not really. just fuckin' with you. ;) but, seriously, hope you're getting good material out of this shit. i'm going back into hibernation. peacers.
from haloaskew :
Don't even get me started on customer service. The last time I had good customer service was when I was 11 and wrote the Betty Crocker folks to tell them my Easy Bake Oven 4-pack of cake mixes was MISSING A CAKE MIX. (Very disturbing when you have a net worth of $1.25 at any given time, usually as the result of sofa diving). They not only sent me a letter within two weeks apologizing for their grand fuck up, but included THIRTEEN bags of cake and brownie mixes to make up for the travesty! Now THAT is customer service. Let's compare that to the other week, when I was at the Pizza Inn buffet and found a FUZZY LONG HAIR on the salad bar mushroom tongs. I pointed this out to the waitress and she gasped in disgust, quickly taking the soiled tongs from my fingers (I pushed the bowl into her hands as well, so I could START OVER). Back at my table, I was barely able to muster the appetite to eat, making sure to look at anything but my food in absolute FEAR of finding something else that doesn't belong on a plate..And when I made it up to the check-out to "pay" my tab (thinking it'd be a "No charge! So sorry!" event) she RUNG IT UP AT FULL PRICE. I was forced to ask: "I don't even get a discount for the unfortuante salad bar incident?" She knocked off 60 cents from my bill. What a crock of ASS. And then she had the NERVE to tell me to come back again. Something needs to be done. Let's start a posse!
from zeroreverb7 :
is there anyway possible you can get a lawyer??? if so...get one..and let Them talk to those Insurance Assholes. or..Let ME TALK TO THOSE INSURANCE ASSHOLES! im half sicilian..I can turn on the juice. I Love YOU sweet girl...hugshugshugshugs smoooches
from loob :
“AND I SWEAR TO GOD, ON THE DAY THEY ADD THE WORD "SMOOVE" TO THE GODDAMN DICTIONARY, MY HEAD IS GOING TO EXPLODE” Hehehe yeah! And nyoocular. Damn that one pisses me off! :) Very sorry about the car, I hope everything works out there.
from vickithecute :
Ah hell, I'm sorry about the whole car/insurance brouhahha....I've had something similar happen and it sucks big hairy moose balls.
from goingloopy :
I used to be a paralegal in insurance defense...(i.e., representing the cell-phone toting SUV-driving soccer-whore)...and all I can say is, be a complete pain in the ass, and they will eventually give you what you want...like, if you have any attorney friends, have them write a hateful letter. That usually generates a response. Good luck.
from zeroreverb7 :
Im sorry Lynndalou...I shouldn't be allowed near my computer when Im having an emotional pity party/mental meltdown. I heart you and my boring journal is opened up...Love you LOve YOU...You are so beautifulxoxoxoxoxox peace
from loob :
HA! Your aura's brown! I love that Ellen Degeneres bit! I listen to her book-on-tape all the time in the car. "Is my meat breath offending you? HAAAAA"
from bethany9 :
MAC users are synonymous with being lazy. Why, just look at all the weight I've gained sitting in front of my glorious G5!
from vickithecute :
EEEEE!!! It's good to be a dork!!!
from incogneat-o :
but you do it so effortlessly...
from mousemilk :
It seems like everyone except me is ill. Perhaps I'm a ghost. Get well soon.
from mousemilk :
It seems like everyone except me is ill. Perhaps I'm a ghost. Get well soon.
from zeroreverb7 :
Just a few reminders for you Dear Milky...1. You are so Hot my screen is melting. 2. Im so Not Kidding!!!! 3. Have you seen my kitty socks? 4. You are so beautiful and smart and sexy and fun and lovely that the entire universe longs for just a glance from your sweet and deeply true eyes. 5. Yeah like Im so serious! 5. I heart YOU 6. alot 7. Didnt I totally Miss Your Birthday??? 8. Or was that LM's??? 9. So... 10. In case I missed it or its coming and Im an Asshole for not remembering the exact date 11. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! 12. One more year of knowing you will fill my heart for a lifetime. You rule dear....:) (thanks for the ecard!!! I LOVE IT!) hugs hugs love and peace
from pandionna :
Flipping Fate and Karma off right now. I am, however, relieved you were not seriously injured.
from vickithecute :
I've been reading you for a while but I don't think I've said hi before now....so "hi". And I wanted to say, congrats on the promotion. I totally know the feeling - I was promoted last year from a phone slave job to a non phone slave job and I felt like throwing the party of the century (I didn't bcs despite the promotion and my advanced age, I still live at home with Mommy and Daddy - yep, basically I suck).
from bethany9 :
steaming pile of suck? is that copywrited? would you be offended if i re-used that one? actually, i think you should be flattered. it's classic.
from nething315 :
Aww come on. Xena? A name like that, AND you're a warrior princess? Don't watch the show religiously (you'll end up psychotic and depressed most likely and become a psychoanalyst) but at least give it SOME credit!
from zeroreverb7 :
Yay!!!!!!!!! Congratulations Beautiful!!!!!!!!!mmmmmmmwahhhhh!!!! Weeeeeeee!!!!!! :)
from incogneat-o :
some people love chicago.
from awittykitty :
Glad to hear the sucktitude is waning in 2005. Mine hasn't been bad either. By the way, my shrink would never listen to Dion. He just prefers to quote Austin Powers once in a while.
from zeroreverb7 :
sniff..could you..sniff sniff..pass me a god darned kleenex...sniff snort..thank you...ahem...you are the best person in the world Ever Young Lady. thanks for the note...I love you too!!!!!!!!! hugs hugs hugs hugs you are so beautiful and HOT DAMN HOT!!!!!:)peace
from awittykitty :
If my shrink was interpreting your dreams he would probably say they were about sex...but then again he thinks all of my dream are about sex too.
from loob :
"Sometimes, when in a particularly filthy mood, I take a great deal of satisfaction from biting the heads off of Teddy Grahams." I choked on my coffee, thanks darl. :)
from loob :
Hey Lynnda, check this out! http://screenclean.j1media.com/lick.html hehe aww so cute!!
from sarkasmo :
w00, car that works! w00! and you wanted me to click 'no', right? the no button? just click it?
from zeroreverb7 :
i love you lynnda..and I wish i could come over and hang out..I think thats just what i need. thanks sweet girl for always making me smile :) hugs hugs hugs mmmmwah (congrats on the car that works! I so feel you there)!!!
from pandionna :
You could put on your best burr and say, "IT'S FER THOSE WHO WERE KILT." Get it? Burr? Those who wear kilts? WERE KILT? Ah ha ha ha ha. I crack me up.
from incogneat-o :
we need the ibligatory pictures of you posing with the new car.
from juddhole :
Someday, I'll tell you all about my own kilt tragedies. Except there haven't been any. Buy me a beer and we'll work on that.
from bethany9 :
My rock tumbler got me through some hard times. I made the prettiest keychains with it.
from comma-abuse :
Your mom needs hugs. Hugs from ME. Because she is totally awesome. And also, aw squee. This is my first time noting you. Well, maybe three years and two diaries ago. But uh. I'm stopping now.
from smokinkudzu :
OH MY DAMN. I got a rock tumbler too, and everyone keeps saying things like, "Yeah, Cory, um, I got a rock tumbler for Christmas, too. When I was 6!" Which makes me want to create my own HUGE rock tumbler and tumble half my friends to their shiny, shiny deaths.
from zeroreverb7 :
you and your mom rule. totally. love you. hugs peace :)
from breathtaken1 :
I adore your mom too, now.
from incogneat-o :
its only a matter of time before your mom goes knee-deep in porno.
from zeroreverb7 :
I wanna come over and play. Love YOU hugs hugs hugshugshugshugs :) peace
from loob :
Oh god, you have to see this!! :) http://www.oco-is-here.com/lemurama/flash/lemur1.html
from gwtw :
Ferdinand who sits under the cork tree all day, smelling the flowers? love the corks!
from lolamae :
LOL! I will be back!
from pandionna :
I'd offer her a tissue, squint at her, and say, "Oops, sorry. Thought your nose was running." Well, okay, I wouldn't. But I'd want to. And call me a prude, but depending on where you work, that kind of facial gear is really unprofessional. If you work in a bar, nightclub, or music store, that's one thing. If someone came in with that where I am, they'd be told to remove it. Of course, if they came in with that to an interview here, they wouldn't have gotten hired in the first place. There are just as many qualified people who don't walk around with snot-looking nose rings.
from bethany9 :
Well at least the nose rings chick didn't couple her facial mutililation with those ear disc things. Whenever I see someone with a set of those, I have to choke back vomit.
from candoor :
happy new year to you and may all your dreams come true... or at least a few :)
from gerg69 :
NO NO, those would be SWEET painkillers. Now thats Luggy.
from loob :
Merry Christmas Lynnda! Oh the humanity! ;) http://happytreefriends.atomfilms.com/watch_episodes/index.html
from muxxie :
Thanks, now I can vicariously understand why everyone was bugging me to fix my heat a month ago, which I did because I assumed freezing my ass off in Michigan would suck. :( Sorry nobody tried to help you on the side of the road. I'm always amazed that people never do. I try to if I see another chica all alone, like myself, smashing the hood in frustration because she doesn't know what else to do to make the damn thing run. AAA is good though, if you're single. Worst case, you would have froze your ass off inside the car wrapped up in your emergency blanket.
from loob :
Bummer about the icy car and all. :( Hope that all clears up and you have a Wonderful Christmas!! :)) And New Years!
from zeroreverb7 :
holy poo....You Poor thing!!!!! I Love YOU!!!! peace
from incogneat-o :
winter does suck. we got 1/4 inch of snow the other day and it almost ruined everyones mood.
from crazee24 :
Aww that's too bad sweetie!! Kudas to ya. It went down to like -38 C [with the windchill] today.. so don't complain!! Ahh.. I love you Manitoba. Anyways, that freezing rain stuff, that stuff is called sleet, just to tell ya. Have a very Merry Christmas!! I'm going to not eat anything from now on until then, because I plan on stocking up for summer! Have a gooder. Justine
from omnipre5ence :
It was me. :O Not really. I just wanted to make out with you. :(
from loob :
Oohooh! Get one of those lovely grape imacs!! http://www.everymac.com/systems/apple/imac/stats/imac_266.html hehehe I'm rummaging around for corduroy right now. :)
from awittykitty :
I think cats should wear velcro. That way you could throw hotdogs at them and watch them stick!! Yee haw!
from smokinkudzu :
you don't give a rat's ass what's in a hotdog? really? cause there ARE rat's asses in them, dear heart. ah, the irony.
from zeroreverb7 :
(Elvis and me want you to know that...)We'll have a bah luuue christmas without you...(a woo ah hoo) bah luuuue blue blue christmas (a woo ah hoo) I love you so much...I wish I was there...drinking cosmos in the snow with you...thank you sweetygums..mmmmmmmwah mmmmmmwah (thank you very much) Hugs Peace
from loob :
I know just what you mean, I feel weird feeling happy about the money my grandma left me. But I agree with you, they would want us to be happy about that, and to do good things with it. :) That’s great news, you’re going to have a much better Christmas, with the workable car brakes and all! :)
from golfwidow :
I'm sorry everything's so rotten right now. It's gonna be okay. Just, you know, not yet.
from beagle47 :
"His death wasn't a surprise, but still." i know exactly. i'm sorry and i'm thinking of you. -=b47=-
from pandionna :
Ouch! So sorry. Sending you hugs!
from purex :
thinking of ya
from serenaville :
I'm sorry to know that things are so crap for you lately. You definitely have a lot on your plate. Too bad we don't know each other; I'd have you come here for a mini-vacation filled with kickass biker barbeque, gay bars, and drunken revelries. If you're into that sort of thing. My condolences, with fingers crossed during the bypass operation. Hang in there. *HUGS!*
from oldmaid :
oh honey. *hugs* i'm so sorry.
from lisa-knits :
My sympathies on your loss. I'm sorry things are so rough for you right now.
from redstarhelix :
sorry for your loss. hits home for me too, my father had the quad bypass a few years back, and a grandmother of mine has parkinsons. just reminds me of how badly i dont want to get old.
from zeroreverb7 :
I love you Milky...I was driving to work yesterday and I saw a license plate that said...Lynn Boo. It made me think of you and how all too brief our night out was. Im so sorry for all that you are going through...and I hope to God you feel better soon!!!! If you need anything or just to talk call me!!! Love YOU Hugs Hugs Peace
from loob :
Very sorry about your Uncle, and also your Great Aunt being ill. I just came back from my Grandma's funeral actually. She was a fantastic woman, even let me live with her when I was 19, so that I could get to know a certain booooy in her town. hehe I married him after that, all her fault. ;) My best wishes for your health and also your Great Aunt. hugz
from loob :
*SoB* another day and no new idiot-milk shenanigans! I find I am having withdrawals. Hope you are back soon, cos I am deep in the stress and discombobulation of moving house and I need to hear more of your opinions on mulletards, midgets and southerners! hehe :)
from rice-milk :
glassblowing ey? its a choice subject. i study it and its... well... its easy. go milk.
from sarkasmo :
I'm zactly the same when it comes to people being sick around me. I'm a master at visualizing germs invading my space. I even wrote a haiku once when my truefluke was sick, entitled: "Honey, I'm sorry, but I don't want to catch it, too".....Hand me the Lysol / You sneezed on the remote and / I must disinfect. Also, good luck with your new prescriptions and increases in energy levels. And you have no idea how funny I thought the idea of non-stick roommates was.
from boxx9000 :
sometimes when I'm driving in the car...I have to look down and check to see if I'm actually wearing clothes and NOT my pajamas and if I'm wearing shoes or not. i get a bit distracted sometimes and forget minor details like clothing.
from nightmare54 :
I NEED THAT RECIPIE!!! So when you get up off of your self proclaimed "fat" ass" (Though I don't think it can compare to mine) and wake up from your napsend it to me! You sexy bag of fun you!!
from boxx9000 :
I added you.
from barbiewoman :
I have been reading you for a long time and I couldn't help it- I saw this on the internet and thought of you- You gotta copy and paste this shit- Its funny http://www.ratemymullet.com/
from sarkasmo :
oh yeah, and wow - cop rock! whoa! /me runs to the tivo
from sarkasmo :
heyitsbeenawhile. couple of things: 1. don't pinkie swear to post nothing but hate and then talk about kitties. 2. yay, kitty! 3. o-m-g i'm going through the zactsame can't say no to the feline situation right now with two strays that may or may not be Actual Certifiable Strays. we HAVE named them (Blue & Sirocco (aka Rocco)), and i just came upstairs from feeding Rocco, who now waits for me to come down in the morning and then starts howling in an embarrassingly loud way until he gets katfud. actually, for Rocco, i usually throw in some peoplefud too because he's so damn skinny.
from mnvnjnsn :
Cop Rock? So you get the TRIO channel? Damn it, I want the TRIO channel and a kitten!
from awittykitty :
putting homeless people to sleep. Sounds reasonable to me. But only the annoying panhandling ones that smell, OK? (p.s. thanks for rescuing the kitty. kitties rules!!)
from beagle47 :
you're the cat's meow. *woof!*
from outre-fancy :
I laughed loads just from reading your profile :). I like The Bible comment bwehehe.
from lovinglav :
just to let you know you cursed me and now my disposal won't work.
from towelphaser :
fucking fuck.
from black-bunny :
I think everybody knows someone who has a story like that. I remember, I was once in the same room with someone who was dealing with a collection agency, and that person yelling in to phone: "I'm trying to pay you! WHY AREN'T YOU TAKING MY MONEY?!?" I think collection agents are what cockroaches get reincarnated as when they live a bad life... Sorry to hear that you have to go through the same thing.
from stellarjamie :
hi, you don't know me, but i just wanted to say that i read the ugh. seriously, ugh. entry and i almost cried just reading about it. i've had some probs like that, only on a much smaller scale........ yep. I would have literally killed someone at that point... if you read this and liek want to go to my site.. don't. go to http://www.xanga.com/jamiexuiowa
from crazee24 :
Wow.. that's definitely shitty.. I've had similar problems with phones and contacting people.. not as severe but it's still a pain in the ass, I know. Our garbarator does the same thing.. we just have to use the plug for the other sink, than nothing comes up. But if we DO use the garbarator without plugging the other one, brown sick shit comes pouring in.. not nice, especially if you have freshly washed dishes in there... GRrr.. Our problem was the plumber who installed it didn't know wtf he was doing. Good luck with everything Lynnda. Justine
from loob :
Oh Lynnda that absolutely sucks! I hope everything gets all sorted out really fast, all my best wishes there. I know how stressful those kind of bureaucratic fuckheads/stuff-ups are. Don't let them scare you about being sued, it would become very clear very fast that THEY were the ones screwing everything up if you were to tell one of those legal type arbitrator-mediator people. And my best wishes just generally, and about your ovaries and that you'll have a great Christmasy season, man it's comin soon! :)
from smokinkudzu :
Personally, I don't know what the hell you're bitching about. Everything, everywhere is fine. Bush says so.
from zeroreverb7 :
Well Hell..we need to go out for a drink Damnit! God people are so damned stupid. I Love YOU and whats wrong with your ovaries? Hugs Hugs Hugs Mwah
from gwtw :
wow, that's a great rant! you might want to change the table height limit on the page template to fit it all in next time, as I had to "view source" to read the last half.
from zeroreverb7 :
In this mad mad world of Evil Presidents and Ramen Noodles You are the light in the darkness....Yes..You..are the Bees Knees...I hope all is well with you beautiful girl..Love YOU Hugs Hugs Peace
from long-ignored :
wtf? I guess we know why he looked so damn smug...and how he just "KNEW" he had taken Ohio before Ohio wanted to report...Too close a watch on FL had to claim another state for the 'mishaps'...
from crazee24 :
Do it!! Canada rocks. Seriously. Very simliar to the states, except the cities are less large [but still big!] and there's more space between them.. we are involved with more peacekeeping than war, and have free healthcare if you pay your taxes. My boss used to live in Florida all her life, and she said she wouldn't go back for a million dollars lol.. Taxes for living in our town for a year is like half for a month where she lived before. I think that Bush will either bring the end of the world to us all, get snipered somewhere, or get pelted by banana peels one day so bad he'll resign... Hm... gotta go get me some bananas. Ciao. -Justine
from towelphaser :
i have a couch if you need a place to stay. it's kinda short, but it's comfy.
from truefluke :
"2004-11-03 - 11:21 a.m. I'm moving to Canada." Oh sure. Pick on the Canadian while he moves to the states for the last five frickin' years, but NOOWWWWW you want MY help. Pfft :)
from ticktrix :
I've spent the morning looking at websites about New Zealand. Hopefully I can move there in three to four months.
from sarkasmo :
I'm with you. My husband's from Canada - we can use him as a translator.
from goingloopy :
Maybe all of us can start a Canadian commune. Or perhaps just secede from the Union.
from oldmaid :
where is pricilla's? i am intrigued!
from redstarhelix :
fortunately for you and contrary to what you might feel, you're nowhere near old enough to be president. this of course will not stop you from being the president of diaryland. maybe start a campaign?
from redstarhelix :
but how can i vote without you telling me who to vote for? HELP!
from zeroreverb7 :
I heart you more you hottie:) thanks:) wish I was going to be at your place to night..I have a feeling it would way more fun than anything here:) Love YOU
from nightmare54 :
man if I knew where you were I would give you sex, chocolate, a new ass and a better job.....Ok probably just the sex.
from sarkasmo :
When I was 20, I worked three jobs. Now I wonder if I can make it through just one everyday. Have you ever worked with someone who felt she needed to announce to everyone that she has a "spastic colon"? I've worked with two such people, and it's really an awkward thing.
from pandionna :
P.S. Go see LA-the-Sage. She's full o' crap, too. Heh.
from pandionna :
Don't believe that colon-cleansing crap, no pun intended. I hade a colonoscopy once, and only lost about 5 pounds in the prep. Well, yes, there is always food in your system unless you're fasting. But "impacted" food? No. If that were to happen, you'd eventually be blocked up, and that would require hospitalization. So, yeah, it CAN happen, but it does NOT happen to most people. Colonics are UNhealthy and dangerous, so don't go shoving any rubber hoses up there, okay? Trust Aunt Pandi.
from loob :
hehe You have me remembering Al Bundy saying "Hungry enough to block a colon!!" That was one of my favourite lines to work into conversation! hehehe
from goingloopy :
"Fried ass on a stick" is a very apt description of what happens when you party after your age starts with "3". Good luck with your colon cleansing, but I really hope you bought a lifetime supply of Glade to go with all of your Bran Fiber Roughage Tasty Smoothie Goodness...or your roommates will really wish they had never heard of your colon.
from nightmare54 :
HIGH COLONICS RULE!! Go to an ass shack and get the roto-rooter, your colon will thank you! I have heard of all of this and I probably have more like 15-20 of packed crap, but I'm a serious carnivore, I might have mad cow disease I'm such a carnivore. PS I love your rants!
from lovinglav :
you are cool. simply fantastic. I could never write an entire entry about my colon without grossing myself out.
from black-bunny :
Fine... I'll take the goddamned mint.
from beagle47 :
to paraphrase Leo, you make me feel like dancin'! hey, did you ask for shirt(s) by e-mail and not get one? if so please, please let me know. e-mails did not work as the system was set-up for snail mails. if not, no problem. i will keep yours in a box by my side until we meet in a bar some day, i get you drunk, then you strip bare to put it on in my honor. or...not. ;)
from saru-san :
Degrassi DOES rule! I can't wait until the cable gets hooked up at my new apartment so I can go on watching it. If I miss that Jay and Silent Bob episode, I may have to go drown myself in the pool. Or, alternately, wait for one of the thousand times it's rebroadcast.
from gerg69 :
Hey! Lay off my colon!
from loob :
You know what else can ward off a cold/flu? Honey lemon drink: you squeeze half a lemon into a cup of hot water and then add as much honey as you like until it no longer tastes like lemon-flavoured ass! The citrusy goodness kills every germ within a mile and it can scare a cold totally out of ya, like a flu-bug exorcism. :)
from whatloveisnt :
I found your diary, and you are funny. Birth control pants? that's like me buying shillow pams(?? yea i wix my murds up all the time) I hope you dont' mind if i add ya!
from idiot-milk :
http://www.asante.com/support/
from loob :
Damn, Has anyone here tried that *Sara Lee Frozen Smoothie* half icecream half yoghurt and fruit? graaaah I'll hafta move my computer somewhere else so I wont be able to see my freezer while I surf about.
from sweetsoulsis :
So that story about the birth control pants? Hil-freaking-arious. I just stumbled upon your diary while idly browsing through random unlocked ones, and let me say, if you should ever write a book, and it indicates that you wrote it because idiot-milk is in the title, I'm buying it. Sorry about the run-on sentence. Anyway. You're a hoot.
from sarkasmo :
Please tell me you weren't sitting around deciding what kind of fat your cats are in the same manner as those annoying yogurt commercials.
from beagle47 :
psst! you're the bomb, 'milk. (but don't worry, i won't tell or nothin'). if we're ever in the same bar, i'm gonna buy you a beer and tell you "chick, you're alright." 'k?
from oldmaid :
my plans for saturday night are kind of up in the air. can you give me a call if you decide to go to outland? it is my fiance's bachelor party that day (paintball), and they are planning on ending up at outland at some point and meeting up with other people, in which case i will go. but if they are too tired/sore from paintball or something, and don't go, then i will be at home packing and cleaning and stuff. oh, the exciting life i lead.
from zeroreverb7 :
You get the best google hits! :) Love you Hugs Peace
from seven-point5 :
hi, i passworded my diary. the username is dirtylinda and the password is 1234. take care!
from sarkasmo :
you're so lucky! plumbing is rife with puns! did the plumber get to lay some pipe for you? did he run your main line? did he find a root in it? oh, no, you said it was your sink line - well, there WAS meat in there. when he left, was the sink faucet dirty? did you have to polish the knobs? brass nipples! ballcocks! tub drains! no, wait, there's nothing funny about tub drains. :(
from zeroreverb7 :
Im coming over..I'll bring a swiffer and some lysol air sanitizer..dont worry..Im on my way!!Im so sorry sweetheart Love YOU hugs hugs Peace
from pandionna :
I'm sorry, hon, but I didn't get past "rancid meat water" on that last one. You know my stomach has been a mess for a few weeks now, right? Well, let's just say I'm feeling really...not good...after conjuring the visual and the...smell...of "rancid meat water." I've lost 11 pounds so far--no, I don't recommend this method--but I think I'm about to hurl a few more ounces. Gawd. Ick. >brorp<
from redstarhelix :
i guess i have no right to bitch about my day now. sorry about the meat smell, but am almost positive that its not the first time the house has smelled as such.
from smokinkudzu :
lookey here, sugar booger - i have thought for a while that you needed your pipes cleaned. come to find out, i was right, but in a totally different way, involving very different pipes... either way you look at it, it's good to have a good ol' pipe cleaning at least once a week. i hear a good plumber can take care of both in one visit, and if you're experimental, he can do them simultaneously.
from gwtw :
B-R-A-K-E-S Cars have brakes. Sometimes the brakes break. Then you can't brake.
from smokinkudzu :
umm... my computer seems to be broken or something, and it was working yesterday, so i know that nothing is wrong. do you have any ideas what could be going on here? does your advisor know a woman is giving out computer advice?
from beagle47 :
admit it, 'milk, it was a Freudian slip...not just your average slip. go ahead, it's okay. i'm sure that wanting to get off in the middle of the day in plain view of publicly prying eyes is totally normal. really. ;)
from pandionna :
I hear ya. One day I was grousing in the office about how my ex-stylist charged me $15 for a blow-job after a haircut. I meant to say "blow-dry." I hid in my cube for a month after that.
from januaryfiend :
It's just as weird to see someone you were having sex with until quite recently who has become off-limits. All of a sudden you're very inclined to stick your hand down their pants (or just kiss them), not because you really want to but because you can't, and it feels so strange.
from smokinkudzu :
Holy. Shit. I was just hinking that yesterday, how if I saw an old girlfriend, I couldn't say "show me your tits" like I used to, and I couldn't just cop a feel when she turned around cause it's OFF LIMITS now. not that i want to feel up my old girlfriends, cause I dont, but knowing that i can't is weird. anyway, just wanted to say we're on the same fucking wave length, and that scares the bejesus out of me. that's right. BEJESUS.
from loob :
Hey Lynnda! "Home Movies" is coming out on dvd in November! All of season one! hehe I'm so excited! Amazon and Deep Discount Dvd are both listing it now for pre-orders!
from redstarhelix :
yeah, ive been there. then you start thinking about all the things you did to that person. like, hypothetically, dick-slapping them and laughing hysterically while you were being threatened.
from sarkasmo :
So stupid joke my mom tells every time I get a pinched nerve like that: <me> "Ugh, I've got a crick in my neck." <ma> "IS THERE ANY WATER IN IT? HAHAHA!" :\
from zeroreverb7 :
Im going to be in COLUMBUS OHIO october 5th and 6th with my company for the national sales meeting. Im not sure what my schedule is like...but my god woman...I hope we meet up!!!!!!! Love YOU !!!! Hugs Mmmwah
from booberella :
Can "Cat Rodeo" be the name of my first album?
from beagle47 :
poor choice of animals with which you sleep. if i didn't (sorta) know you i'd think you're a creep. (i mean, duh, sleeping with felines is perverted. now, go get yourself a damn dog!)
from sarkasmo :
I was OK with under the bed, but at some point I interpreted those little plastic electrical outlet covers as devices that saved us from the monsters in the wall. I suppose, in a way, being electrocuted would be as devastating as being attacked by monsters, but I saw electrical outlets as portals through which powerful demons could travel into our universe and kill us while we slept (there was an outlet by the head of my bed). Those plastic outlet covers stayed there until I was 10 years old. At least. They might still be there, I dunno.
from awittykitty :
When I was a kid I used to be afraid I would fall through my wall into another dimension. Unfortunately I can't blame a sibling for that, just really strange DNA.
from redstarhelix :
i think i stopped sleeping naked when i got my cat. theres just too many bad things that can happen with claws in the middle of the night.
from gwtw :
please....that long line with all the hyphens needs a space so it will word wrap...please!
from icedmilk :
Hello, I just wanted to say I love your layout. :) -Kelsey, Iced Milk Reviews
from gerg69 :
Some people are like Slinkies , Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
from bitterlemon :
powers that be = BOFH which = endless hours of entertainment
from lovinglav :
cancer for reals?
from westyrex :
Ahh, Singing Dog! That's where my best friend worked for years. A sweet store, although I used to like visiting Ron House at School Kids because he was irritable and a local rock star. It's fun to know you're somewhere that I spent time. When something's familiar, the world is more fun.
from lovinglav :
So if you had no customers to call and ask you questions you would have no job; so to wrap up, be thankful for the annoying calls and the annoying lack of self direction these people have for they keep the paychecks rolling in. This is coming from a recently unemployed but now happly reemployed buddy of yours. oh and kisses because your rock.
from westyrex :
Are you in Columbus? I've seen so many bands there, and bought and sold so many records. Used Kids, Magnolias, Staches, etc. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
from yakkety-yak :
i will search for more wisdom and wit. if there is anything you think people may enjoy please note me with the entry and i will have a look.
from oldmaid :
so outland is really closing, either this weekend or next, according to the bar manager. are you interested in going out saturday night? i'll be out of town next weekend, so this is my last chance!
from yakkety-yak :
hi. i have quoted you. you have been credited. hope you dont mind.
from westyrex :
The haikus don't really matter. I care not of such things. I care only that you and yours are well. Or something. I know I care about something. But if you send them back, I bet they'll be funny!
from zeroreverb7 :
I heart you :) so much hugs hugs peace
from funjules :
You know, for the longest time, I thought pot smelled like patchouli. I finally realized that it was because most of the weed-smokers I knew OD'd on that lovely scent.
from pattymelt :
too much of anything is bad. except maybe sex. but yeah, even too much sex is bad. but don't worry, i hate people too.
from muxxie :
You need to try and get today's entry printed or read aloud. That was rotflmao material for me!!!
from westyrex :
I still love you even though you were scared to do haiku. (He uses grade school psychology!). My snakes, like your bird, have been oddly happy lately too. Smiling, moving around alot. I have a cold.
from pandionna :
Ah yes, the "dawn chorus." This is one thing Inigo has going for him: he's enough of a slugabed that he just chills out and pulls his sheet into his house and throws up on it while waiting for us to get up. Louise, on the other hand, likes to launch into a rousing rendition of "MRAH MRAH MRAH MRAH" at daybreak. I hear your pain.
from lovinglav :
wel what kind of bird do you have? Mike and I have a bird too and her pics are on my entry from 9/11 (the second one that day) let me see your birdie. Oh and our bird sleeps 12 hrs so if you make sure the bird is going to bed around the same time you want to see her up (8-9??pm/am?) you should be all set. Kisses!
from zeroreverb7 :
I love you. Ive been neglecting to tell you that...but its true. Wish I was there. Id make you something yummy chilled and mellow...and id clean your house. Id give you extra comfy pillows and Id bring you chocolates whilst you watch all the Degrassi you want (i love that show!) ...hope you are ok...and that you get to have some fun soon...LOVE YOU xoxoxox peace
from beagle47 :
okay, so i don't get it. what's so weird about having a dog, huh? *woof!*
from smokinkudzu :
Will you come with me to buy my new laptop? I need someone like you to handle the sales guy there - he doesn't speak English very well, he's trying to sell me things I don't need, and raising my voice doesn't make him understand me. HELP!
from crazee24 :
Whoa that's weird.. either somebody prank calling you, or somebody foreign that BARELY knows English is trying to explain to you that his dog chewed on the wires to his computer and now his computer and internet connections is f*cked.. hehe
from artofliving :
dude...here's my weird call for the day. "thanks for calling blah blah hospital, may i help you?" "Yeah. I need your help, see, i'm sick. Real sick and I'm having problems...in the bathroom and-" "Ummm..Sir? Let me stop you there and transfer you to someone who can help you." "What? You can't help me?" "No sir, I'm just the operator. I'm going to connect you to the e.r." "NOW WHY IN THE HELL WOULD A HOSPITAL HIRE SOMEONE THAT ISN'T A DOCTOR TO ANSWER THE PHONES?!" yeah...then he hung up. fuckers
from lovinglav :
ahh come visit me... I miss you sweet thing.
from nightmare54 :
Just to be clear on the movie, it was Trading Places, Eddie Murphy, Dan Akroyd. The scene was in Louis' (Dan) country club after he got out of jail, and one of the girls standing there was in the middle of a story when he walked up to ask for help. Nice Job!!
from nightmare54 :
HOLY DIVER an Obscure 80's movie reference for the title! I love it! I came across your diary the other day and added it to my favorites list your life seems way more interesting then mine right now! Keep cracking me up!!
from serenaville :
You were in Syracuse and didn't visit me?!? ;) My sister used to live in Tully! Kettle Lakes is a highly renowned restaurant here, it's great you were able to eat there. Your observations about the city were too funny. If you ever find your way back to the area for any reason, you should let me show you around, in the way only a local can. im2evil4u did, and she had a blast. I'll let you ping almonds off my head, if you do. I'm not above bribery! Deal? lol :D
from awittykitty :
ok. don't tell anyone. but I can get you that info. the one with everyone's password and info. $23.12. signed ying lee
from asitwere :
You know... I don't even LIKE cocaine. I just like the way it smells. ;-)
from gerg69 :
I still love you Lynnda, even though my site meter has milk splashed all over it.
from artofliving :
dude...you have GOT to get the hell out of whatever kinda Twilight Zone-ish town you live in...i mean, wow.
from sarkasmo :
Your co-workers should know by now that you're not going to sit around talking about a customer because you're in awe of his/her intelligence. At my job, we have a rule that if someone begins a valid mockery of a customer, the rest of us must, AS A TEAM, take the side of the mocker and not the customer. Since I doubt that the FBI is providing hacking tips to the Chinese, you were clearly within your mocking rights and totally deserve a do-over.
from ewige :
what the shit? these people work with you at a Tech Support job? jesus suffering fuck.
from redstarhelix :
the chinese? omfg i cried from laughing.
from galaxyrabbit :
uh, dude. i don't want anyone else knowing my private breakfast conversations. when crazyface or whomever gives you the link, would you mind telling me what the fuck it is?
from dietpeppers2 :
Suggestion: Instead of using rubber socks [durr] just put lotion on your feet and then thick, cotton socks. Wear them while you're asleep, it works better. G'day.
from sarkasmo :
$40 on silicone socks? I just put plastic grocery bags on my feet and put regular socks over them. And yes, it's the ickiest feeling, and I RI-HI-HILLY don't recommend traversing stairs like that. Because if you fell, it would be hard to explain. And embarrassing.
from zeroreverb7 :
Omg! You're Free! You've Been Set Free!!! You're like the Grandma Moses of Retail!!!! You give me Hope to Carry On...You..You Light Up My Life!!!! Congratulations!!!!!!!!!! mmmmmmmmmwah!!!!!! Love You Hugs Peace
from zeroreverb7 :
I heart you madly sweet Milky love:) xoxoxoxoxxo peace
from zeroreverb7 :
:)
from gerg69 :
You going to be home tonight? Feel like a phone call?
from beagle47 :
oooh, my mistake? perhaps your e-mail was caught in my spaminator. *plink*, snuffed-out with ne'er a view by the beaglish himself. try again? beagle47@diaryland.com with a mailing place. if you put something like "hey asshole, er, beagle47, don't fuck this up again" in the re: line that should do it. i specifically configured that re: line as safe.
from redstarhelix :
'teepee' indian or 'god damn this curry tastes like shit' indian? im sure it has the latter, not so learned of the former.
from zeroreverb7 :
hugs smoooocheeez hugs smooooocheeeez hugs hugs hugs smoooocheeeez....and a back rub...and a drink...and a hot guy...uhm..a hot naked guy...er..a hot naked guy in your bedroom...yeah...:) Love You Lynnda:) xoxoxo
from ubergurl :
Don't worry. Mercury is in retrograde. That's when things get all kinds of out-of-whack. Be kind to yourself and remember that this will pass.
from gerg69 :
Silly dork, that wasn't meant for you. It was for another Lynnda. Sorry, yes it was... of course it was. No really it wasn't. Why would I say that to you........I'm kidding, you are the far far star! [shaking head] I'm gonna name a star after you. I'm gonna call it Mildred though.
from beagle47 :
okay, fucker (and i mean that in the nicest sense), why haven't you requested the free tshirt yet? hmmm? that's your problem you know. sheesh. do i have to spell it out for you?? (you know i'm saving a medium just for you...).
from redstarhelix :
i'm pretty sure winamp has a couple indian stations
from hydrogeek :
Go robot, it's your birthday? Are you quoting my favorite episode of Sealab 2021?
from oldmaid :
well, darn! sorry you won't be able to make it. we'll have to get together sometime soon, though!
from oldmaid :
hey - i don't know if i mentioned this, but there is a party at my boyfriend's house this saturday, starting around 9:00. you and the roommates are invited!
from black-bunny :
Oh man, I know EXACTLY how you feel. I'm a big nervous wreck over the tiniest of things. And I do the cleaning-one-thing-leads-to-another-thing all the time. I don't know how I even manage to leave the house...
from awittykitty :
I too have this extreme anxiety about parking my car on the correct side of the street at the correct time of the day. Why do they have to have this arbitrary rule? WHY? WHY? WHY??? (me looking through my purse for my clonopin and gasping for air).
from gerg69 :
One of these days Alice, We're gonna have to keep in better touch.
from zeroreverb7 :
I think we were separated at birth.When I clean I get the same way and god knows if my life depended on my parallel parking skills...I.would.die.I love you Milkywoo!!!! Hugs Hugs Hugs Hugs mmmmmmmwah! peace
from not-tuesday :
Shit, I almost had a panic attack just reading your diary.
from muxxie :
OCD MUCH???? sounds like when my father cleans...well, he doesn't clean. we all just made sure everything was in its EXACT place whenever we moved something. so, the dust would settle and you could see the outlines, and that was all okay. what's funny is, he used to be obsessed about the floor being dirty. so, all I clean when I'm alone is the floors while i let the dust settle everywhere....
from purex :
That happens to me when I clean, too.
from redstarhelix :
wrath of khan IS an awesome movie. i wish they had midnight showings of anything here.
from smokinkudzu :
All through my undergraduate years, I worked at a vet clinic. We had a about two male cats that actually had to have their penises removed because of UTI's that weren't taken care of in time. I often wondered how surprised they were after THAT operation, "Fuckin' lady gets our nuts cut off one year, and our rods cut off the next. I'm fuckin' puking in her shoe tonight, you can bet on it."
from kellbelle :
My boyfriend's kitty has acne on her chin. Just put a little rubbing alcohol on a q-tip and dab it on the area :)
from golfwidow :
Aaa! Kittyzitties!
from oldmaid :
shampoo? for dick? giving cats baths at the best of times doesn't go very well. i can't even imagine the holy hell that would break loose from trying to bathe dick!
from trancejen :
I plan to go to cat shows and get all ghetto and be all like, "AW HELL NO, FUCK THAT, my little Foofy LePurrBoots TOTALLY should have won best in show, you RAT BASTARDS!!" We will be the next generation of crazy cat ladies. Have no shame, my sister.
from lovinglav :
you are going to journalcon right? I'd love to people watch with you.
from kitten65 :
meow!! :)
from oldmaid :
hmmmmm. i'm not much interested in baseball, but dime-a-dog night might be hard to pass up. because we all know how much i like WEINERS!
from funjules :
Well, now, you know if you're going to do all of that, you have to get yourself cat sweatshirts and wear them with horribly tight polyester stretch pants. Are you ready to REALLY commit to that?
from westyrex :
The "cats" entry made me shit. In my britches. That's a good thing. (And yes, that's right, I'm wearing britches).
from golfwidow :
You're not sad. What's sad is that I got all aquiver with the possibility that, perhaps, when the state-of-the-art litterbox kicks into action, you might actually get up and do the "I'm cleaning the litterbox!" dance from the commercial.
from crazee24 :
No milk no don't be sad!! That litter box sounds... amazing! I myself don't have any cats, but I find it bewildering whenever my dog shits on the carpet and my mom cleans it up... hehe
from ewige :
don't listen to these fools. indeed the electric litter box is a new low for you and if ever you should consider finding a nice train to throw yourself in front of, now would be the time.
from coyotesabre :
i'd offer to snuff ya, but i too would likely end up waiting in anticipation for feline feces should one of those things enter my house.
from bootybrown :
If you were dead then I wouldn't be able to read anymore from your awesome diary! I always thought you were pretty hot, juding from that rather small upside-down picture of yourself. I hope that wasn't out of line.
from candycig :
wow, i actually played that square your squirrel game. and the warm your kitten. and dress your gay dog. i lead a sad life.
from purex :
There was a huh-YOOGE spider on one of the walls in my apartment today. I actually seriously considered calling management..
from zeroreverb7 :
I was attacked by a spider web last night! And there I was...doing the "please get off of me gross spider babies!!!" dance whilst onlookers just snickered and refused to help me! sighs. The spiders are taking over. Have I told you lately that I love You? :) xoxoxo Peace
from hydrogeek :
It is spider season. In my house. I called an exterminator, and they got worse. I learned my lesson, don't try to kill them, they retaliate by over-populating your house like rabbits on crack.
from westyrex :
Hey, no rush. I have friends who take FOREVER to finish sentences and/or haiku. But don't think too hard about it. Letting it flow naturally is best. This is true with almost everything, including dams and menses.
from westyrex :
If I could email you, I'd want you to be one of my haiku and sentence friends. (See appropriate pages in my diary). I send you, or you send me, a first line, consisting of 5 syllables. The next person sends back and 7 syllable response. The next one polishes it off with another 5 syllable volley. And then you have haiku. You are really fucking funny, and you make my poop hurt.
from coyotesabre :
where, might i ask, have you found coconut chip ice cream? i'm intrigued..
from artofliving :
honey!! get the zicam nasal swabs from walmart for the suftupedness!! no odd smell and you'll feel like a champ, i swear! and dayquil saves my life quite often!! happy sniffling!
from spritopias :
you forgot that you drop me in the toilet
from muxxie :
you can always do what my dad did to avoid working, get in a horrible accident with a double bottom semi. You must have good AAA type insurance and be willing to lose at least a limb. Once you do that, you just keep up with the SSI, AAA payoffs, etc. You may be poor, but hey, you don't have to work!
from zeroreverb7 :
My Poor Milky love. I love how you can so accurately convey in your diary all the thoughts that run through my head. Ive been sick as a dog too...my darn throat felt like it was closing yesterday while I was at work...I think im going to play the Lotto. If I show up at your door with Roses you know you can quit your jobs. I love You Sweety You are Lovely Hugs Peace
from artofliving :
sigh...my poor idiot. xoxoxo. get the tissues with the lotion stuff so your nose wont look funny. smooches
from loob :
Ohhh god, you're so funny. I have aching sides. I've been reading your archives and I found the one about the mohve sweater, and I was SO with you, I was screaming out "YES!! Oh my GOD!!" heh heh I'll bet the neighbours think I was gettin some.
from saucy99 :
Oh my god I feel ever so sorry for you! How do you manage?
from juddhole :
HOLY SHIT. Would your job be in peril if you feigned a bad connection and hung up on Mongoloid Fuck? I pulled that one after I got to hear, "Your email server is down." and I finally got them to open a "browser? I don't have one of those" and pull up Google. What's that? You can't get to Google? Wow. A fantastic coincidence that our email server is down (so you can't get your email) and Google's server is down as well (so that you can't search for, "why am I so fucking stupid"). Oh my. Just reading that almost got the blood spurting from my ears again. Love your diary, you sweet, sweet thing.
from redstarhelix :
i totally meant only the porno movies with bibles themes.
from photo-frame :
that made my blood boil just reading it. but it also made me chuckle and i'm sure if i showed it to my dad it would reassure him he is not the thickest person with computers ever.
from pattymelt :
two things. well, three....you know people that dumb are only using the internet to play solitare. 2) what if you would have gone "are you on a cell phone? i can barely hear you? can you hera me now?" and just hung up? would you have had to talk to her when she called back? maybe she lucked out dialing the phone the first time? shit, now i forgot #3.
from pattymelt :
re:male porn stars. yeah, i have noticed! i like the "private" or "pirate" european collections. at least the guys are not hairy beastoids and the dicks are nice and big and get put sume interesting places!
from redstarhelix :
oh please, im almost positive you have a porn collection that would rival any lonely mans.
from pandionna :
AND THEY'RE STUPID, TOO!
from muxxie :
ahhh...I may be a poor whore, but those are the times I don't miss IT work. thanks for reminding me not to work a 9-5 ever again.
from gerg69 :
ahhhh classic milky goodness in every bite on that entry. blegh, what the hell did I just write there..?
from breathtaken1 :
I'll bite...what are those little baggies for? I mean, besides Cheerios and other bite sized snacks in small portions for munchkins who can't eat much at a time? The way you were talking, I don't think that was it...
from pandionna :
Now my boobies hurt.
from awittykitty :
I agree...married boy...the one who flirts and gives good back rubs...cut it out. You're making Idiot's life a living hell. love, witty.
from awittykitty :
I've been shopping that hot-alien-boy with a ripped shirt script around L.A. for years. But Hollywood wants the movie to have a "Message". The message? Horny girls want to see hot-alien boys with ripped tee-shirts playing vollyball and blowing up shit, but I just can't seem to convince anyone. Maybe we should send it to Will Smith or Tom Cruise, and convince them that THEY'D make hot alien boys with ripped tee-shirts (even though they wouldn't, just don't tell them), because that's the only way our movie will ever get made, dammit.
from pattymelt :
the only way i want to see average stuff onsceen is if they are totally hot. then they can do whatever they want and i will watch (including porn - all porn people MUST be hot!)
from redstarhelix :
i think you just described every gay porno movie ever made.
from photo-frame :
God hates me too. I believe he pushed me down those stairs and sent a van out to try run me over because i was not the closest person to that van! Just read your diary and already i love it. Very witty entries.
from artofliving :
ah yes my love, our moods may be shitty but we still manage to look oh-so-gorgeous. lemme know if you have anyone i need to add the the "List of People to Strangle" that i'm giving to my personal mob boss. xoxo
from golfwidow :
Sympathy. Empathy. Virtual cake and chocolate milk.
from awittykitty :
ditto on the mood. I'll share my chocolate with you. Maybe that'll help us both a little.
from zeroreverb7 :
omg!!!my poor sweet Milky!!!!!! If I find a really hot errand boy he is all yours...you will have nothing to worry about!!! I Love you my sweet injured lovely!!!! hugs mmmmwah peace
from oldmaid :
you poor thing! *hugs*
from ewige :
It is reassuring to see that all the extra money I invested in "stair sabotage experts" has paid off. Now if only you would stop killing off my ninja orphans.
from beagle47 :
you wan' i should take care o' dis note dysfunction?
from beagle47 :
you wan' i should take care o' dat step?
from beagle47 :
you wan' i should take care o' that stair?
from pandionna :
Oh man. Well, if you did have oil, then he'd be in there drilling and I'm sure you don't want that.
from golfwidow :
I think you should throw a Boston Tea Party in your tub.
from nypizzas2 :
Is the title from that movie with Tiffani Amber Thiessen (or however you spell it)? Because, holy shit, I saw that when I was in sixth grade and it is the only made-for-tv movie I remember.
from zeroreverb7 :
hello my sweet pumpkin:) or maybe you are more like a sweet peach...yeah like a lovely sweet peach on a hot day...Lovely,Beautiful,Smart,Fun,and I hope someday soon I can make you Iced Tea and Fruit Salad...you'll never know how much I needed that note...you made me feel so loved..Thank YOU Love YOU hugs mwah Peace
from gerg69 :
I'm still here, i'll talk to you soon. Possibly Sunday.
from candoor :
I love your writing.
from artofliving :
you're awesome. i found you through boredom. thanks for making me laugh! mind if i link you?
from redstarhelix :
well when the world is ready, my cat wants in, and he's insisting on being the red lion or its a dealbreaker.
from munkies-rule :
you're so cool
from redstarhelix :
holy shit, a voltron of cats. thats the best idea EVAR.
from barbiewoman :
OMG- You crack me up! I found your name on someones favorites and checked you out! I like your diary I just might have to add you to my faves! Yeah- and fuck some windows BS! C-Ya!
from insideoutme :
random person says: i kno.w just wha/t you mean XD but linux freaks me out because of the penguin. O_o.
from crazee24 :
One word milk: Linux.
from hydrogeek :
Not only is Bill Gates laughing on his yacht, he's naked rolling around in his piles of money laughin on his yacht. Fucking Microshaft.
from awittykitty :
and Bill Gates is laughing hysterically out on his yacht.
from raven72d :
Wuff! said the corgi.
from divaredneck :
Isn't Creme Brulee Haagen Dazs the best ever?
from spritopias :
nerds like me would pay good money for a broken star wars game
from crazee24 :
Ok THAT is the most frightening thing ever... but for some reason I still had to watch it all. :P Peace.
from zeroreverb7 :
Hello my Fresca Loving Working Girl...how are U sweet Milky??? Its time I hug you madly and told you how lovely you are. and how beautyyyfulll :) and ...Suki told me..to tell you...That She Misses You and that She Loves You Bunches and Bunches!!!!! See...you are the most Loved Girl in The Whole World. I heart you Milkywoo. Hugs xoxoxoxoxo
from pandionna :
AH! I have Fresca on my desk right now!
from ewige :
i would kindly refer you to this link http://bigamericanparty.com/mamecab/mame.htm and I'll do you the service of not even *telling* you my centipede high score.
from hydrogeek :
Crap! I just noticed you have a link to strongbad on your diary too! You really ARE a girl after my own heart. Or maybe just after my own giggles.
from hydrogeek :
I am also a pleasing shade of green over the Centipede game, so we'll call it even. You play centipede, I'll go watch Wilco and The Pixies. I'll even report back to you on the brilliance of them all. Just because I like you.
from raven72d :
You happen to be a relly brilliant random find. As a small, long-eared desert hedgehog, I'm always happy to find cool random sites that bear much reading!
from serenaville :
I have not felt this much envy since... well...since, GODDAMNIT. Not important. SEETHING envy. DRIPPING envy. And awed admiration, for you were already the coolest kid on the block... now, you are in the rarefied stratosphere of the ice cold of the coolest. Or, something. I want to be your roommate next!
from nypizzas2 :
Wow. Stand up video games never fail to make me gape in absolute awe. How fucking awesome can you get? May I ask how much they cost? And where you got them?
from funjules :
Hey, I gots a question for ya. We're going to have to get married sooner than we thought, because the asshats at his old job are terminating his insurance as of October 31. Would you consider doing our ceremony? It will probably be some time in October. And no, this isn't a joke. We're totally and completely serious here.
from ewige :
acquired.
from hydrogeek :
Engrish? Shizzolator? Jedi mind control? Austin City Limits music festival? Are you me? (PS - my work is sending me to Austin for the 3 days before the ACL festival, so I got free plane tickets! All I have to do is buy the festival tickets now!) Hilarious diary, keep it up.
from gerg69 :
Oh Milky, you sooooo make me laugh. Sorry about your day and stuff but goddamn.... that was funny.
from redstarhelix :
i had a lady at a place i used to work at drop her keys in the toilet. but she also flushed them. then of course, it was my fault because the slope of the toilet back was too severe to hold her keys sufficiently. she wanted me to pay for her wrecker and new sets of keys. i think i remember telling her "hahahaha".
from tea--code :
how many freudians does it take to screw in a light bulb? two. one to change the bulb and the other to hold the penis. i mean ladder! (i also heard a variant of the ADD joke, but it's just: "ADD stands for Attention Deficit ... Hey let's go ride bikes!") sorry to hear about all the "happiness is NOT" 's!
from smokinkudzu :
never ask an ecology/evolution/animal behavior DORK about stuff like this. my take on the whole butt sex in prison thing? lots of animals hump each other to display their dominance. i totally think that alot of the men in prison use butt sex to show that they're in control. then again, i bet there are lots of others who do it because they enjoy butt sex. just like in monkeys. some do it 'cause it feels good, others do it because it makes them feel powerful. at least, that's this nerds take on butt sex.
from tea--code :
i'm a little late on the oregon trail notes, but i LOVED that game when i was younger. you can imagine my happiness when i found this: http://www.virtualapple.com/oregontraildisk.html
from so-charming :
My mother is married to a guy who has done hard time, (no we're not close but thanks for asking.) But back when we were still speaking I once asked the guy about the whole ass rape scene. He said he'd done it many times, didn't seem terribly ashamed about it or anything. I asked him if he meant he took it up the butt and he was quick to assure us that no, no, it was HIM doing the other guy. My brother (oh so non-PC at age 13) said "oh, so you're a queer then." My mother's husband looked horrified and said that no, it's the guy on the BOTTOM who is a fag. We didn't quite get the logic... it's the guy on top who WANTS to fuck the other poor screaming trying-desperately-to-resist bastard, but it's the poor schmuck on the bottom who is considered the 'fag?' Hmmmm... I don't think that word means what he thinks it means....
from punkmuzicpa :
You raise a good question... that I have no answer to. I think I'll have to agree with your last thought, the whole "any port in a storm" thing.
from oldmaid :
yes, i am interested in doing assorted things this weekend! one of my friends is coming to visit so i'll have to run things by her, but hopefully we'll be able to get together this weekend!
from beagle47 :
MILK! the dog's gone crazy again!!!! FREE T-SHIRTS!!! (get over there and kick that canine's ass, will you PLEASE???). oh, er, hope all is well, too. funny shit that second computer entry and all.
from awittykitty :
but the real question still remains...Can matronly nostrils snort MORE cocaine off a dead hooker's ass because they're matronly? I think we should call in Bea Arthur on this.
from gerg69 :
I miss you grandma!
from spritopias :
I love my virginity to bea arthur, it was fantastic
from dietpeppers2 :
kalsbitchboy be lookin' all crusty and monkey-like.
from spritopias :
I'm crying. I'm because of what you said that that person. HA HA HA. Who is this dick? HA HA HA.
from cottoncunt :
Oregon Trail! I don't think they make any better games.
from redstarhelix :
i ALWAYS died of dysentary.
from kill-my-star :
im seventeen ehehe and i remember oregon trail..and that other one whose name i dont remember. i also remember some crap game i was forced to 'play and learn' in first grade...some crap about 'easy as pie'...actually there was a whole crappy series, but thats another story. HOORAH FOR OREGON TRAIL AND MY CONTINUOUSLY UNFORTUNATE 'FAMILIES' ON IT.
from rapperkridd :
I love oregon trail! Don't worry, you aren't old, seeing as though I'm only 15 and I know what it is :-D Good luck finding it though, haven't seen it around anywhere but Staples lately.
from meeshapeesha :
i bought it for my imac about 6 months ago. That game is THA SHIT.
from mickey225 :
I love that game!!!!!
from crazee24 :
...Sorry Milk... never heard of it :S But hey I'm only 17! Now this Oregon Trail has spiked up my interest...
from sourgirl999 :
Damn!!! I still have my copy of Oregon Trail, but it isn't for Mac. That game fucking rocks so hard!!!
from spritopias :
what size disk do you need Oregon Trail on? I have it.
from leebozeebo :
Oregon Trail fucking rocks, but I always left so many gravestones from malnourished family members along the way that the game might as well have been called "LeeboZeebo's Trail of Tears"
from candoor :
you left out the thrill of cleaning the carpet after the bath (insert squiggly grin here)
from zeroreverb7 :
Hello Sweetpea!!!! That rocks...you could be my Verizon Goddess!!!! (email me) Don't let the dumb butts like myself drive you crazy!!! Love You!!!! Thanks Thanks! Hugs! Smoooches:)
from redstarhelix :
i think you should shave him to look like a buffalo
from redstarhelix :
you know they have catfood for that, diet catfood. i'll go that extra mile to buy that for my cat, but for myself? fuck that.
from redstarhelix :
holy shit, are you sure thats a cat and not a small horse?
from spritopias :
personally, I *never* wear a bra
from pandionna :
It's disgusting here, too. It's the kind of humidity that makes me feel as though I just can't get clean. I hate it. WAH!
from redstarhelix :
for the sake of all that is holy, shower woman.
from purex :
all those links on the left side of your diary kept me extremely entertained until about 2AM last night. thanks!! your diary is awesome.
from awittykitty :
I too once tried to achieve fame as the 1000 lb. woman, but that stupid dickhead, Dr. Phil kept calling me and yelling at me and wanting me to come on his show, until I nearly became homicidal. So I finally decided to stop eating ice cream and chocolate and McDonald French fries. And my ass magically deflated. And soon I was an upstanding member of society. Pretty boring, huh?
from spritopias :
I always tell people I'm getting into shape and I've chosen ROUND as my shape of choice
from muxxie :
NECTARINES RULE!!! They don't have that annoying fuzz that peaches do. We used to grow peaches and I hated biting into them because of that.
from redstarhelix :
and how many people a day ask for a million dollars? i had to stab someone once for saying that.
from irish-jack :
Thank you ma'am, for the well wishes and things you said that were nice. If someday I finish a new compact disk, I shall try to shmooze another one off on you. (you are allowed to say it sucked the hardcore.) but thanks. you rock. super-rock.
from zeroreverb7 :
I heart you! I heart you!! I heart You!!! You just made me Smile Big!!!! Today ..I want to ditch work..and come over...and have a picnic!!! thank you sweet girl!!!!! Love You Mucho!! Hugs Mwah Peace
from gerg69 :
dork head!
from awittykitty :
I really think you should go on the talk show circuit about the healing properties of cough syrup. Who knows, you may find a cough syrup sponsor and then it would be FREE COUGH SYRUP FOREVER! Whee!
from gerg69 :
They're on the way.
from redstarhelix :
you and your phosphates. someone forgot to tell me it was 1903 again didnt they?
from pandionna :
Can't wait for the post-party update...
from rkwj1 :
Sound like you have your weekend planned. Have fun. Be safe. later,ROB
from ewige :
Even those with only a cursory viewing of the movie Wargames will remember that Defcon (or "defense condition") goes from 5 (normal) to 1 (war). Thus Defcon level 4 of you will be relatively mild and pretty indicative of the enormity of suck that is your life! Enjoy the weekend! :D
from smokinkudzu :
1. Eat the fuck outta some Krispy Kremes, yo. 2. Yes, you're a bitch. Don't pretend to be surprised. If you weren't a bitch, we wouldn't respect you nearly as much. Who the fuck wants a smiley, passive woman? NO FUCKING BODY. 3. Get shit faced at the party and hae a long conversation with sister's boyfriend about what his intentions are. Tell him he'll be sorry if he doesn't "cooperate" and then throw your head back and laugh planning something. First impressions are KEY.
from loob :
Hi Milk, just wanted to pass this info to you; adorable free wallpapers of Home Movies! (Also MY favorite cartoon!) http://www.adultswim.com/misc/downloads/wallpaper/index.html Loob :)
from beagle47 :
milkitty, milk-milk: i believe the "pants down on ice" thing means you love M.A.S.H. those Col's Blake and Potter -- oh, how the world needs leaders like them! in all sincerity, thanks for the advice. as Joe Walsh might blog: i can't complain but sometimes i still do...ya' know what i mean? you still boot, chick! talk/type soon...
from coyotesabre :
where'd you find the sunflower seeds?!?! i was addicted to them two summers ago and they just... disappeared... i cried, and have been looking for them ever sense.
from first-blush :
....your ass is mine.. muahahaha.. O_o;
from redstarhelix :
should have told your ass to kiss itself, for the added touch.
from sarkasmo :
Mm. Redvines. Yuk - get back, Horky-cats. My mom's cat likes to be dragged around on a leash. You slap that harness on and he immediately lies down on his side, as though the weight of it is just too much. But he likes to be dragged.
from redstarhelix :
no coke off a hookers ass? no don knotts? theres just no sense of adventure from your readers.
from pandionna :
There I am thinking, "Ooh, Ms. Milk is getting deep here. Right on. Don't settle. Hell yeah, so true" and then I had a vision of you damn near slicing your nose off in the shower. Please don't do that to me. Heh.
from meeshapeesha :
Am i an idiot for not know what the hell Red Vines are?
from crazee24 :
you want answers?? call the number!! maybe a bunch of high clowns came over, that could explain the lightbulb in your cleavage situation..? Haha. Good luck with that!
from redstarhelix :
mark me down in the yes column. i'd totally snort coke off a dead hookers ass.
from helderheid :
http://www.livejournal.com/users/vrijheid/ Helderheid's new addy :)
from golfwidow :
Best way to hang up on someone is mid-sentence while *you're* the one talking. It makes them think you just got "cut off."
from meeshapeesha :
"Everybody Loves Raymond" is the worst show on television. It ranks up there with "Mad About You" and "Dharma & Greg."
from awittykitty :
Sorry to hear about PERV, Milk. Too bad we don't have his e-mail address....we could ALL send him our favorite computer viruses at the same time. Yee-haw! Let's do it.
from saucy99 :
Oh my god, that is so freaking nasty! You poor thing!
from meeshapeesha :
I saw a prank like that on Crank Yankers on Comedy Central. Who knows, maybe it was Adam Corolla pranking you. :)
from pandionna :
Oh GROSS! I guess he was too cheap to call a 900 number. Sorry you had to deal with that. Yuk.
from redstarhelix :
now that is a phone call. think he was spanking it the whole time?
from funjules :
Okay, when you get a chance, go to www.ohsers.org, click on "about SERS", and go to the "employment opportunities" place. There's nothing good right now, but at the end of this week or the beginning of next, they're posting one that I know you would be great for. It's in the investments department, as an admin assistant. If you have any questions, drop me a line, and I'll help you out as much as I can.
from bootybrown :
Does "the homo" have a name? And is he really gay? Or is that short for "homoginized"? Inquiring minds want to know!
from ionme :
SHIT! i will actually be in california for memorial day weekend. you must take pictures and share with me. DAMN! i hate to miss such a great party, i hope no one loses their doggie this time
from ravens-heart :
lmao
from purex :
To make sure you never run out of midgets, you could have a midget farm; buy children off the black market and have their pituitary glands removed so they never get taller than like 3 feet! What a great idea!! Right!?! .... right?? .... hello?
from jtodd :
fried pickles and ranch dressing are the best two things to ever be put on this earth. ever. and i'm so very glad you like them.
from ionme :
OMG, LOL - you're not right but I love you nonetheless ;D
from hooterville :
Wow... You're going to get a lot of hate mail on this one. Not from me, mind you, I laughed my shrinking ass off. But you should know that I'm stealing the term "Fuckstick" from you and not giving you credit. It's mine now, just TRY and stop me! HA HA HA HA!!!
from gerg69 :
boob midgets..hmm what would the midget girls with large boobs use to hold theirs up with?
from purex :
White babies really aren't cute at all. And they're usually not even white, they're like all different fucked up shades of pink or something. Or maybe people just have some fucked up babies around here. Hmmm...
from awittykitty :
Boy, I sure know what you mean about the mad at your friend, not mad at them, are we mad at each other, are we talking, I should say hi, no we're mad, blah, blah, blah. What a huge waste of energy. And its always over something really minor and its always nice when its over.
from dyingisanart :
equivlancy is a real word (if it is spelt right which when i type it, it is not) equivilate is not
from leebozeebo :
Fake married forever, baby. I'll never fake divorce you. Not for all the fake Thora Birches in the world.
from gerg69 :
i hope that doesnt include me.. ive been feeling that way lately too. I'm turning into woody allen...without the chinese girl thing though.
from beagle47 :
Dayton's Point, Dayton's Home of the '80's (Online) just kick's major 80's ass, chick. just thought you ought to know. after all the who you been through, i will make it up to you...
from sourgirl999 :
AHAHAHA!!!! Braindead cock garage!! That's great, I love it! You're a genius!!!
from gerg69 :
corner? Well I have heard it called a box before. maybe he assumed it WAS a box. CORNER???
from sourgirl999 :
I can't believe you remember WKRP In Cincinatti!! That was my favorite show!!!
from sanetwin :
I'm a compulsive button pusher as well. I kept pushing an unmarked button in a guy's car until he irritably explained that it switched to the other fuel tank(which was empty). oops.
from crazee24 :
Um... fried pickles?? NEVER heard of THAT. What's ur new haircut like? I recently went for a slight change involving growing out bangs to the side but its so much different, it really can make a big difference in your appearance and how you feel. What's ur new "'do" like? lov your site doll
from purex :
I've been thinking about trying a new hair style but I've been afraid in case my hair dresser fucks it all up. I will cross my fingers and hope really hard that when I get mine cut, it will turn out half as awesome as whatever yours looks like. Yay for cute hair!
from radioflyer- :
Hey. I'm back again. I think I've taken to stalking you or something. I was reading through entries again. Ahh...they make me laugh so much! I know how it is with the little nonappearing zits that hide away. Yes, those zits are cowards that wont show themselves to my facial creams! I am also feeling the pain cuz I've got this crazy thing living in my mouth. I think it's all friendly so I go to look at it and see what's going on in there and then I touch it and I feel the most excruciating pain ever. I think that's a little like what you're talking about. Maybe anyway. Bye.
from redstarhelix :
wow, that pizzas guy is sad. ok, now when you say dutch, are you speaking of the race of people or ed o'neill?
from nypizzas2 :
Now I'm bragging to all my friends I got a note from the one and only IDIOT MILK! I printed it out and have it framed too.
from bbbrett :
Consider me "in". Come hell or high water (which I've never entirely understood why those are considered the exremes: Maybe hell, but a halfway decent prison-raft can get a guy past high water), I'll be there. Hell or high water... It's my car that I'll have to worry about. Send me the address again and I'll be sure to show up. I may or may not bring party people in tow, but you can lock me in as a sure thing this time. Sounds like the perfect opportunity to get the fuck out and do something a little different. See you then.
from meeshapeesha :
I love your diary as i'm sure you've heard numerous times before. It's a constant source of entertainment for me. :)
from oldmaid :
one of these days soon we are going to have to have a night of drinking. i don't know when, but soon, soon... 'cause i need a drink!
from brandywine :
what of this s&m club columbus? not really wanting the regular ol' kareoke with lesbians; i get enough of that in h-town. 3) it is really lame that the museum has membership and charges admiission. glad to hear ur homo kept his job. he should revolt and quit now
from pandionna :
I don't suppose there could be state funding for the museum, could there? What? WHAT? Speak up: I can't hear you over all the laughter. Stupid Republicans.
from ewige :
stupid hair. that's rich. you know, coming from Ted Koppel.
from spritopias :
yeah for the word "fuck"!
from nypizzas2 :
Dear Ms. Milk: Have I told you lately that I love you?
from awittykitty :
Oh, Idiot Milk, I do truly think we were separated at birth. Except I'm older than you, and don't swear as much, and you probably have bigger boobs than me, but we both like boys sleeping on couches and hate stupid customers as well as the words "Happy Camper" (I also hate when people ask me if "I'm on the same page as them".. as in What? Huh? Is this the fucking Oprah book club or something? No, we're standing talking in a room to each other). Glad you got in some nappie time this weekend.
from spritopias :
I hate the tucking of the tissues, it makes me gag.
from coyotesabre :
don't honestly know why, but i'm lovin' the occasional 'rich and full tapestry' motif...
from whiskeyblood :
I think I can arrange that. I'm suprised you don't loathe my sweet gay ass at this point, what with all of my empty promises about visitation. Blame the stupid boy that lives out there..it's all his fault. Stupid kid with a heart attack. Anyway...email me the details and i'll get a game plan worked out! Seeing as I just got off the phone with my manager at Pier 1 telling him I quit! Yes! I totally quit over the phone! I am the connsumate pussy! Email me...boywonders25@hotmail.com....ta!
from spritopias :
I would have stayed up but I got too tired. See you later
from radioflyer- :
Thank you for that awesome story about you're work. It reminds me of my work and my Subbys Chronicles that I write sometimes. People are asses and they get on powertrips and it's so unbelieveable. It makes for funny stories later on though. Thanks for making me laugh. It was great.
from idleheaded :
Oh, I cannot stop laughing. Fuckhead 1,2 and 3 were just too much. :D
from pandionna :
Come work on MY computer at work, please. I'd much rather have you fix it than the dillweed who came by today who just says, "Hmmm." I wanted to put his head through the monitor. You, on the other hand, I'd take out for a drink.
from cornnugget :
I think you should revel in the points. Acquire them anyway that you can. Defy others to out-do you. When they fire you from this job you hate so much, you can take everyone with you, except the Fuckheads of course. They will be too busy trying to decide which parking space they want.
from smokinkudzu :
obviously, you should have had her take the (technical thingie) and shove it right up her tight (anatomical thingy) until she was good and giggly, and then have tech support kiss your shiny (anatomical thingy) until you can find the time to burn them alive. And I promise... I'M the one who's right this time.
from hushangelz :
Btw, do it on company time. Teach THEM a freaking lesson. Also, it's very therapeutic :D
from hushangelz :
http://www.subservientchicken.com/ TYpe in commands like peekaboo, kungfu chicken, make love, hideandseek. *LOL* Have fun~
from bigmonayho :
I was just browsing and found your diary, and you're very humourous!
from rkwj1 :
I recieved a few like that myself the other day. They made absolutely no sense but I read every word and tried to figure out if it was some code or something. Very bizarre. Later,ROB
from hushangelz :
You're a cat napper, yeps there's no arguing, that's what you are. Oh and btw, sweet dreams on your day off :)
from pandionna :
Chicken and diet Dr Pepper. You white girl, you.
from sicknick :
chic-fil-a why, exactly, would one spell it that way when it's supposed to be chick fillet? oh, it's fast food. that's why.
from purex :
I've always wondered why people make jokes about black people liking fried chicken. Someone liking fried chicken really isn't that funny. I don't have a clue in the world, and when people make those jokse, I get confused as hell. I've never heard the orange soda thing though. Hmmmm...
from pandionna :
Not that you dumped me. But if you did, I'd have to come and hunt you down. Yes.
from pandionna :
Goodness, with 500+ readers, how can you tell? I don't have nearly that many readers, and have long since lost the ability to tell who dumped me. Oh, I'd notice if key people dumped me--like the folks I read, like you--and I'd have to hunt them down and kill them, but other than that, well, sorry if I offend, you know? Anyway, I suppose anyone who got offended by the fried chicken entry didn't read it through all the way. And I suggest they do some reading up on history and the South.
from nightingale- :
DOOD, as if I'm leaving a note on idiot-milk's notes page! And as if I just spelled Dude DOOD. I hate it when people do that.
from redstarhelix :
having worked in a convenience store, i can vouch for black people not only liking the orange sida, but all fruit sodas. 9 of 10 black people choose the fruit soda. also, 1 in 4 white people wear old navy. yikes.
from sourgirl999 :
Hey, I love your diary. I would've left a note sooner, but I'm shy.
from beagle47 :
hey, can i get sappy on you? (heh, as if you have choi). your note was just, well, yeh, you know, like bumping into someone you hadn't seen since God knows when and thinking to yourself in a heartfelt way "you know, i always liked you," but not having enough nerve to actually say that, then walking on by without a peep and one day (maybe weeks, maybe months, maybe an eternity down-the-line) having that same person come up to you in another bookstore and say "you remember that day i saw you in that bookstore? i always liked you, too." yeh, your note was kind of like that, 'milk. i think i want to abandon this d-land thing, but dammit how would i keep up with your residuals, woman? ;)
from beagle47 :
hey, can i get sappy on you? (heh, as if you have choi). your note was just, well, yeh, you know, like bumping into someone you hadn't seen since God knows when and thinking to yourself in a heartfelt way "you know, i always liked you," but not having enough nerve to actually say that, then walking on by without a peep and one day (maybe weeks, maybe months, maybe an eternity down-the-line) having that same person come up to you in another bookstore and say "you remember that day i saw you in that bookstore? i always liked you, too." yeh, your note was kind of like that, 'milk. i think i want to abandon this d-land thing, but dammit how would i keep up with your residuals, woman? ;)
from anonadada72 :
4/6/04: You're so popular here at Diaryland, it's almost cliche to add you as a favorite. But I couldn't resist. You're simply too hilarious to miss.
from pandionna :
When I die and go to hell, that's going to be my job. "Hellish Tech Support, this is Pandi. Yes, I am here, making up for all the nasty things I said in my diary. No, no. Ms. Milk has gone on to heaven. She paid her dues while on earth. Now, may I have your DSL number?"
from smokinkudzu :
HOLY CRAP! I laughed my ass off, and then realized you're not fucking joking. My GAWD, you're a patient one, aren't you?
from awittykitty :
Hey, I used to sell electronics. Fortunately I got out before any heinous crimes occurred. Have you had anyone ask you what the electric cord is for yet?
from gerg69 :
What IS a modem? What's a etherweb thing? Is someone trying to bash down your door there? I keep hearing these thumpimg noises. Did you just groan? Are you okay?
from golfwidow :
I. Feel. Your. Pain. (My best call: Me: "Type 'yada yada, colon, da da da da da, enter." Customer: "I can't find my colon." Me: "Call your doctor.")
from diaryquotes :
Dude. You went from one terrible job to another? What is wrong with you? Also, come visit this weekend. It's ULTRA SUPER WING FEST NAUGHT FOUR ALL CAPITALS NECESSARY Saturday.
from redstarhelix :
here's something i used to tell my easily riled friends. "p-p-p-p-p-put it in the happy b-b-b-b-box" ok, maybe i dont stutter, and an not foreign, but i'm willing to learn.
from spritopias :
I love naps. Let's start a napping team.
from dietpeppers :
you sound like my mom... naps naps naps. she swung a baseball bat twice and "ran" a homerun yesterday... the rest of the day she was lethargic as hell. She actually sounded drunk.. good times, good times. but don't feel so bad... maybe if you refuse naps you'll be clumsy and laugh at everything and it'll be great.
from pandionna :
"Jesus on a moped..." Best thing I've read all day.
from spritopias :
http://spritopias-4ants.buzznet.com/user/
from spritopias :
there are worse things than ham to be smoking
from purex :
I love love love your diary - I have yet to read an "entry" that doesn't make me smile. Have a super day. *kt*
from cornnugget :
Whatta ya know. I am a lazy, hotdog eating, shamrock shake drinking beeotch too! What's up Sista?
from muxxie :
Waaa!!! You hate us clove smokers!!!
from elysium1982 :
what exactly is the flavour of the shamrock shake? im all too curious...
from creepatron :
Why does McDonalds have to even advertise? It's in the same vein of Coca-Cola doing it. Unless you're straight off the boat from Uzbekistan (of which there are probably 12 McDs there already) how could you not know what the golden arches are on every block?
from cornnugget :
Congrats to the new parents. You know what will happen though. Mom will play too much Solitaire and print too many recipes from the Food Network and Dad will be pissed off that she doesn't actually even cook anymore because she is on the computer too much...yada, yada, yada...I smell trouble...and see a lot of dust on an unused computer.
from cornnugget :
Congrats to the new parents. You know what will happen though. Mom will play too much Solitaire and print too many recipes from the Food Network and Dad will be pissed off that she doesn't actually even cook anymore because she is on the computer too much...yada, yada, yada...I smell trouble...and see a lot of dust on an unused computer.
from spritopias :
Laura Bush has a check list of the things that need to happen in order to bring about the apocolypse (sp) and it seems like she's getting somewhere.
from redstarhelix :
now you should give your parents the link to your diary.
from lovinglav :
I just noticed you have linkage to strongbad and homestar you rock!
from spritopias :
you're right, as usual...it's just wrong
from rkwj1 :
The wife and kids are tired and in bed so I have the whole downstairs to myself tonight. I'll be listening to old mix tapes from like 20 years ago, raeding old love letters from high school and reminiscing and probably drinking heavily (actually I have already started.....it was a bad week). So I'll make you a bet if your up to it. Who has the most drunken entry tonight. A gentlmens bet of course forgetting the fact that you're a lady. We'll call it a gentlemans/ladys bet. YOU IN? Later,ROB
from dayglocheese :
AH. Your diary is beyond hilarious--especially the entries discussing attempted sleep-overs with cats. And to think I used to want that...Um, I linked you.
from spritopias :
what? where do you go?
from redstarhelix :
i eat cereal for dinner, watch cartoons, play video games, and blow stuff up in the microwave (but tonight was blender night), not always for fun, but in the name of 'science'. i also read the paper and would drive a lincoln (had someone offered me one at a fairly reasonable price). yet i dont consider myself a man or a boy. strangely, i call myself a 'guy'.
from redstarhelix :
that was totally meant to say 'men'.
from redstarhelix :
lesbian kareoke has always been my favorite. wait, im confused, isnt kareoke when they get naked and pet the woodland animals? please get back to me on that. and boys? shouldnt you be going for me? i realize there's a shortage, hence the l-k, but there has to at least be one or two in that city you call hell/home.
from rkwj1 :
Happy St. Patricks Day May the road rise to meet you. May the wind be always at your back. May the sun shine upon your face. And rains fall soft upon your fields. And until we meet again, May God hold you in the hollow of His hand. Later,ROB
from smokinkudzu :
i drink beer in the shower all the time. if yous tick your finger in the bottle, you can even wash your hair without getting soap in your suds...
from redstarhelix :
my cat is doing the same thing. all because there's this goddamned floozy cat sitting outside the window. whine whine whine. i keep telling him 'she's a skank cat! look at her! she's not even pretty!" but he cares not.
from irish-jack :
um, but what about grumpy turtles? (thanks for the cheer!)
from redstarhelix :
i'll still let you do my shopping for me. it looks like you bought all the staples, what the hell is their problem?
from candoor :
I am trying to decide if it means anything that I am relating to much of what you are writing recently. I may get distracted before I actually decide, but then, the relating is more certain, for whatever that's worth.
from pandionna :
If this were the Ultimate Fighting of Frivolity, I'd have to tap out right about now. Billy Ocean. Get into my car.
from redstarhelix :
has billy ocean done anything in the last 15 years? maybe he's trying to atone by staying in house...watching headline news.
from idleheaded :
My god, you are one of my favorite reads. Half of the other people on my buddy list are either recovering from depression, or never have anything to say. You, however, have managed to make me laugh with evey single entry. w00t!
from spritopias :
I will join your fight against Billy Ocean. My unhealthy obsession with you is really just having hurt my neck craning it to see your picture right side up. Instead I just turned the computer upside down.
from cornnugget :
Me and my painted-on jeans are so sad to hear of your disdain for Billy Ocean. Not to worry though, he is bound to be in depends and on a walker by now.
from spritopias :
I got a second job yesterday and today I had three calls for jobs when I got home.
from redstarhelix :
your week was on par with mine until you had ice cream sundaes. damnit.
from spritopias :
I am developing an unhealthy crush on you. HA HA HA. You're funny. I love it.
from anita-girl :
You are so funny! And I really like your new template, totally goes with you name! I work retail too, I sale fragrances at a deptement store. I have to say I do like it, but sometimes the people drive me nuts!!!! Like all the bums who come to 'shower' themselves with fragrance, this includes opening there pants and spraying 'downthere'! Ah the joys of retail!
from irish-jack :
Well, dang. You shouldn't be well-wishing people! You should be sucking in the well-wishes, and opening a Donation Fund for getting you out of Karma's Garbage Disposal. At least the Curse of the Pharoah comes with the possibility of Immortal Life! ...Or was it Unending Torment? I always get my curses mixed up. Anyway. I've been trying to learn how to blow up cars that cut me off by squinting my eyes really really hard and concentrating an explody ball at their dud-wipe drivers... but for the time being, I'll just try to concentrate you some good luck. Yeah? Word out.
from spritopias :
I hurt my neck trying to look at the picture in your profile and have forgotten what I wanted to tell you.
from oldmaid :
hot weiners! yeah! i am all for hot weiners in the backyard!
from kill-my-star :
its multiplying, that gives you the positives. multiplying two negatives gives you a positive; multiplying a negative and a positive gives you a negative and adding two negatives will give you a negative, which i really dont think you want =| just thought you ought to know before i come back to read the latest updates about how due to your mixed up knowledge of math, you are now 1906 dollars in debt. AIEE! you should start a donation fund. make a can to store what you get in, give your address to randoms on the street, pray to a dashboard jesus dressed in tinsel that someone will send some money along...hey, it could work...
from spritopias :
I keep telling my little sister "all the shit you're going through now will only make your 'VH 1 - Behind the Music" that much more interesting. If you'll buy that load of crap I'll give you some free.
from cornnugget :
Kick some ass Tootie.
from leebozeebo :
You're the boss, baby. My life is nothing without your boobs. Or something to that effect.
from dyingisanart :
suggestion: get rid of your cat, or if you're too attached to your rodent-eating-flea-infested-own-asslicking feline put the rubbish where it can't get at it!
from spritopias :
I always prefer someone at least pretending like they're sorry for something then their out right contempt. I've even told my class that. Pretend to be sorry at the very least.
from cornnugget :
Please tell us the name of said movie so we can steer clear. I hate movies like that. You know a sadistic bastard wrote the ending of that movie. "Why don't we run over him with a truck?" "Yes, lets."
from lauralgood :
Hello. I clicked on you and thought I would respond to your latest entry. I believe that the women who wear the odd fashion dress are fundamentalist Christians most probably from the denomination Pentacostal. Though I am not sure. I just know the Pentacostal people I used to know (I used to attend one of their holy roller churches) wore that if they were very good Christians. I never did. I guess that should have told me something. Oh on the movie front, while it is not a romantic comedy, I recommend "A Mighty Wind." It is really funny and well no maybe you should not watch that until you are in a more cynical mood. Though I have a few friends who swear by your entries and it seems you are always cynical. Well watch the movie if you wish to laugh. and if you hate don't tell me. Laural
from redstarhelix :
thanks for the kind words, but im sure you didnt loan me the bad luck. i mean hell, that would mean you got rid of it, and we both know that isnt the case.
from pandionna :
Just catching up now. Sorry to hear of the financial woes. It's a drag. Been there, dug myself out, now dealing with the husband's (and not too happily, I might add). But, as I'm not one to offer only sympathy when I can offer sympathy AND a possible solution (and thus fill up a whole screen of your notes), I'd say that, depending on how many debts you've paid off, you might actually have a better credit report than you think. If I were you, I'd look into taking out a loan to consolidate everything into one payment. My sister did that, and it was a static account, meaning what she owed was what she owed, no ever increasing interest like with credit cards and other revolving accounts. Holy fuck, I just sounded like a Republican.
from serenaville :
I thought you, of all people, would be interested to know that I just got a call from my husband (03/05) informing me that we are now going to take our turn with the Big Karmic Dildo of Anal Ream-itude (Because, it reams one with ATTITUDE!)... to the tune of just over $500 for the newest round of car repairs on the Galant. Just so it can pass inspection. This is after quite recently hemorrhaging $500 for a new water pump, a couple months ago. So, yeah. I just hope Karma uses an autoclave between people, but knowing Karma as I do, I somehow doubt it. THAT would be far too easy. Hooray for three paychecks in April!! I'm off for a chin check[tm leftunspoken] of my own, before we head to Syracuse to sign our lives away on a house. MORE DEBT! Whee. :/
from spritopias :
Thank you so VERY much for using motherfucker as one word, not two. I hate it when people (excluding myself) abuse our language. What are schools teaching kids these days?
from spritopias :
something that was solid silver would be an absolute bitch to clean and take care of and would only drive you further into debt
from awittykitty :
(((((((idiot-milk)))))))) sorry about your monumentally bad day.
from c-otter :
just a thought.. but it might not hurt to remind your creditor (in a very pleasant, non-threatening way, since "these calls are recorded for quality purposes") that by withdrawing funds without permission, they've in effect stolen your money. AND by making up a check number, they've essentially commited fraud to steal your money. (it would esp. help if you can prove that the check number they made up has is one you've already used or is very far away from your current check numbers. This would help affirm the fact that they made it up.) You mention in your post that they claim there is no written agreement allowing a payment plan, did you have one allowing them to withdraw the balance from your account? If not, the goodwill payments you previously made could be seen as "one time only" payments, and the authorization you gave for those should not transfer to future payments. similar to why you have to manually make electronic payments for your bills each month if there's no agreement that allows them to automatically withdraw the funds. Lastly, I'm assuming you made the payment plan agreements over the phone. Unless they have a clause against them somewhere, subject to state law, oral contracts are binding if they are able to be completed w/in 1 year of the agreement date and do not pertain to real property (i.e. land & houses)....just some things you might want to know when you call them back.
from rapperkridd :
So sorry that credit crap happened to you... that's so messed up! My mom goes through the same crap all the time.... her credit is screwy because my father put everything in her name then stopped working.... well, everything should work out! 3-5-04 ~Kristena
from redstarhelix :
geez, sorry about your weeks. if its any consolation, i got fired from my job of 7 years yesterday. my question is, did you give this bad luck to me?
from karmicenigma :
I have been reading your entries for about a week now....anyway...I have had the same credit problems as you and you might want to check out www.bendover.com....he wrote a book called 'Back Off' that saved my sanity when it came to debtors...check it out...it might save yours also!
from gerg69 :
I'm aware that you have not asked, but this is why I will NEVER apply for another credit card again. They are evil fucking people. I am sending some evil thoughts to you to forward to them. " I am thinking of every woman there becoming horrendously pregnant with siamese quintuplets, and the mens arms and legs and other assorted appendages swelling up to the size of a Toyota and dropping off. OR If you wish, all with terrible crotch eating crab infestations impervious to the best mediated ointments, and arms too short to scratch." Choose from corrumn A or from Corrumn B.
from purex :
Thank you SO MUCH for that Neurotically Yours website! Shit Fuck I stay up so late watching that kind of stuff :)
from candoor :
You must read Seuss, at least, for He would.
from awittykitty :
Oh you mean Johnny Depp, my future husband and the father of my incredibly cute children. Yeah, he was robbed at the Oscars. He should have at least won for Best Makeup or Gold Tooth or Cheekbones or something!! (He's mine)
from purex :
Hey, you have some really cool links. I saw this cartoon once on some website, and it was of this cracked out looking talking squirrel and a goth chick. Do you know where I can find that again? Just thought I'd ask since you have Weebl and stuff! Thanks ~*~
from golfwidow :
Happy belated birthday!
from awittykitty :
32? I have socks older than you. Happy Belated Birthday. February has the best people born in it. Although I think they own the worst piece of shit cars.
from redstarhelix :
happy birthday. hope you molested many.
from gerg69 :
Oh hey! happy birthday you sexy redheaded dorko!
from diaryquotes :
Dude... I forgot about your party. I wish I could help you drink your face off. I do.
from saucy99 :
Howdy! I stumbled across your diary, started reading it and I think its laugh-out-loud hilarious so I've added you as a favorite, hope you don't mind. Oh, and good luck with the car!
from awittykitty :
CARS SUCK! Can't live with them, can't take them under highway overpasses and set them ablaze for the insurance money...(or can you??) Sorry to hear about your car troubles. I can definitely identify.
from redstarhelix :
milk milk milk, so high strung. you obviously arent drinking enough. you need to relax. some wrecker services can come out and do small mechanical repairs. an alternator counts as such. maybe poke the nose in a phone book when you sober up?
from oldmaid :
so- any birthday plans yet? do you still want to do something on friday? heheheh. and, it's good to know you're ordained, as i may be in need of an officiant soon. boyfriend is in charge of finding one, and last week he was trying to convince one of my coworkers to get ordained so she could do the ceremony. so we'll see.
from dishdeter :
Evil, girlfriend, just evil. Loved it!
from golfwidow :
Well, I already promised myself I was only ever going to get married once, but if we ever decide to renew our vows, stay there, we're coming over. Pancakes instead of wedding cake. Yay!
from cornnugget :
Oh, to be as f-ing brilliant as idiot-milk....Lord, hear my prayer.
from golfwidow :
Oh, foo. I wish I wasn't married already just so you could marry us.
from funjules :
Ummmmm...yeah, actually, the mister and I are getting married eventually, and the madre is driving me up a wall and back down again, and I'm threatening to elope, so yeah, if we decide that's the way to go, you bet your sweet ass I'm getting in touch with you!
from awittykitty :
So if any of you out there want to be married, just let me know == So are you trying to prompt me out of my bat cave, Idiot Milk? Do you really have guy with opposible thumbs and men who are Democrats who might possibly drive an SUV, THEN SIGN ME UP!!!!
from cornnugget :
That was one refreshing glass of milk...do cookies come with each entry? I'll be back either way..
from pandionna :
You know, I've been hearing LOTS of Republicans refer to the Shrubya in the same way. You know it's bad when...
from rkwj1 :
I loved that super hero thing. That is cool only mine came out as "You Are Wanita the Cross Dressing Sissy mary. A very confused soul is he. If you get in his way he will likely knock your head off with a high heel or smack you in the privates with his purse." Not sure why it said that. Oh well, I guess it's better than that tight wearing fruit superman. later,ROB
from pandionna :
You do realize that it's torturing me not to know what the disparaging comment your dad uttered actually was, don't you? Please tell me. Please, oh, please!
from beagle47 :
well, life on the farm is kinda laid back. ain’t much an old country boy like me can’t hack. it’s early to rise, early in the sack thank God i’m a country dog. (boy, those neville brothers stick with me too. hate it, hate it, hate it...)
from pandionna :
See, that's the kind of guy whom I hope accidentally drops his cigarettes in a puddle of kerosene, and then lights up when he's home all alone and blows his goddamn head off.
from redstarhelix :
the orange flavored toothpaste rocks. now you need to go out and get the citrus orange listerine. mixed together you get hijinks rivaled by none.
from creepatron :
Thanks so much for the info. I have no money in the ol' budget for shoes right now, which means I'm probably going to buy them!
from hate-mail :
We are two girls...the pranksters of diaryland. We will fulfill your requests, just leave ur name, name of the person u hate and want to send hate-mail, and what they did to u! And we will keep who u are annonymous! Leave us a note, email one of us, chat w/ one of us on AIM, MSN, or leave us a note stating who you want to send the email (both of us can or if you don't care). We will also chat with the person on AIM or MSN is neeeded...thanx and...uh...yeah.
from heidiann :
Yay for kitty shoes! I have those too. Only mine are white at the shoe part and black at the kitty part. If that made sense. I'm sure it did. Perhaps you could scream, "MEOW, MOTHERFUCKER!" and then kick someone while wearing them.
from creepatron :
I love your kitty shoes! Where did you find them?
from redstarhelix :
only you could pay delaware like that.
from redstarhelix :
jesus, your periods are pretty intense, fucking blood coming from everywhere.
from awittykitty :
you mean I'm not the only I'm horny/get the hell away from me or your member goes in the blender person? Well, goodie. Maybe we can start a new diaryring.
from writerfreak9 :
another ohio journal?? me too. i love your entries... they are so funny. i totally agree with the valentine candy company thoughts.
from serenaville :
My husband read your entry about Saturday evening plans over my shoulder, and remarked: "She's upset because no one is taking her out? Is she sour-milk?" To which I exulted: "OOOOOOH, I'm telling her!!! Prepare to DIE." It's okay though, I will totally eviscerate him without anesthesia for you, then pour iodine in the gaping wound. For starters. You can take it from there, if you are so inclined. I can always find another hostage. (He's laughing his ass off right now. Denial comes before a slaughter.) I apologize for him. He was dribbled as a child, and slam dunked. :|
from not-tuesday :
You sound like a barrel of fun.
from serenaville :
Thank you very much for the note of sympathy about the doorstop noise, it is appreciated. I am going to attempt to post this while my grace and dignity are still intact, lest my inner dork escape the full nelson hold and possess the keys to gush about how YOU (squee!) left a note. *ahem* Thank you so much, again. (Last time that happens, huh? Heh.)
from munkies-rule :
i understnad the pain of the BOING BOING BOINGING's as well. although my cats play with it about once a week rather than once every month or so, and because of this i have sound proofed my room...and on a side note eschewing is a word. rock on idiot-milk the one and the only, nicorette
from funjules :
Oh.Girl. The mister and I are on Atkins, and it RAWKS!!! My blood pressure went down also, and I've lost 20 pounds. And yeah, we go off of it occasionally, but we go right back on, and we don't pack on the pounds. Bet those Weight Watcher fucks can't say that! You just stick to it, and do what I do: when they start their incessant whining, just grab some bacon, stuff it in your mouth, and chew loudly and so they can see it. Jealousy is such an ugly emotion.
from golfwidow :
Need the whiskey-caramel sauce recipe. My bread pudding is suffering hard without it. Willing to cut a recipe-trading deal if necessary.
from redstarhelix :
um, hurry and eat more bacon? that'll fix it, right?
from redstarhelix :
damn, a whole night of almost coming. bet that sucked.
from redstarhelix :
i tried explaining to my roommate that grape kool-aid is the only viable selection, for the simple fact that it has the power to change your stool's color. he didnt believe me.
from primalgent :
Turkey Juice, with 8 essential vitamins and minerals.
from redstarhelix :
i heard turkey juice makes your ass grow bigger.
from rkwj1 :
VIVA LA MULLET! Later, ROB
from smokinkudzu :
Now all I can think about is the horrible B-grade horror/porno movie possibilities. "Moby Snatch!" or the lesser known "Land of the Giant Man Eating Poons!" or even "Night of the Rubenesque Hoohas". EWWWWW... the main characters would be these slender little women with great big skirts to hide their bulging no-no's. I need to go gouge my eyes out now.
from pandionna :
I hope you get this job!!! P.S. I'll bet there are lots of Google hits coming your way. Turgid? Oh my.
from beagle47 :
'milk, you are the best -- let no one convince you otherwise. also, "snapshots" was supposed to be just words, not actual pictures. i cheated. i like to cheat. ;)
from antihoyhoys :
I agree "vagina" is not a exotic word at all. If i was in your postition i would have yelled it out loud so the aliens could hear lol, and go on a mission to find out what people thought of it with my pen and pencil lol. Bye SEw
from awittykitty :
I think as long as you don't blurt out VAGINA during job interviews, that always improves your chances for a callback. Good luck! :-)
from gumphood :
Now I wonder...do you think these boobs are just staying the same size, while you shrink around them....hmmmm...hmmmm.....*couch*
from b0b0 :
I just got the Healing Words magnet set and do you know what work was in it? Miasma. Now, I have 6 different sets covering my fridge because I am obsesive like that but when and why would I ever use the word miasma? anyhow- love your writting! Bye-
from zeroreverb7 :
i love you milky....your notes were like the big hug i needed...thank you...i swear...if i don't get another job somewhere soon...im gonna have to pimp my fat ass downtown.you are lovely and wonderful...hugs hugs mmmwah peace
from redstarhelix :
so much that i may need to come to you for all my low carb alcoholic beverage needs. maybe you should think about putting out a drink book, make a killing off all the atkins people.
from redstarhelix :
'low-carb rum beverage' had piqued my curiosity.
from beagle47 :
p.s. use the guestbook...the "add your image" or whatever it says it does doesn't do it.
from beagle47 :
hi, 'milk. well, not that you asked or anything, but everyone sucks tonight and i'm a perfect, decent, loving human being. go figure this world out, eh? hey, go here: snapshots.diaryland.com and leave something so the owner doesn't think i'm creepy, eh? i'm really not, but you know i have a knack for looking that way and all. ;) hope all is well and that Cleveland still rocks and shit. peace. (and i really mean that).
from gerg69 :
and what would you suggest they put no it's stead. Everybody hates Raymond?
from pandionna :
Lesson that I learned yesterday: De-electrify before pushing any buttons on the Caller ID box. I thought I had blown my arm off.
from sleepyzoe :
Yeah, my mom hates her name. If that weren't bad enough, my aunts names are Laura Lee, Lisa Louise, and Lana Lynn. My grandma's name is LaVonne, and grandpa's is Leonard. My family sucks.
from red-wine :
Mmmmmmrreallllly...late Feb you say? Consider it noted! If I can find a cheap flight I'm like, so there. And shit.
from gumphood :
Hey, Why the poop won't your quiz work? That's pretty messed up. One Time I messed up by pooping on a plane and getting sucked into the toliet, and then I was living amoung the poop until we got low enough, and the plan just let the poop go. It went all in this guys yard. I did too. The moral of the story, I pooped my pants twice. (Since this is our first interaction I figured I would do this, to see if you could piss me off just as much. So yes, I am JUST trying to get your goat.)
from pandionna :
You want us to stop? Really? No shit? Heh.
from rkwj1 :
Sorry, The airplane one was so good I could'nt resist. No more poop stories from me. I promise. So did you ever notice that when people are drunk they will piss just about anywhere. Just Kidding! Later, ROB
from rdhdprincess :
I'm about to go poop in my boss' desk drawer. Just for fun. Thought I would share.
from pandionna :
Someone pooped on the floor outside a friend's dorm room back when I was in school. We referred to the mystery perp as the Mad Defecator. My guess is that the people who do this no longer get any pleasure out of merely wiping their boogers on walls, and have graduated to something more hardcore.
from rkwj1 :
Heres another poop story. A business man was on a flight and got drunk. When the flight attendant would not serve him anymore drinks he flipped out. He was so mad and so drunk that he got up in the middle of the plane and took a shit on the in flight service cart in the middle of the aisle. True story! I think he is in federal prison now. How funny is that. Later,ROB
from muxxie :
Have some pictures! www.urinal-poop.com
from no-and-then :
I have a friend who shit in a urinal. It was because he didn't have a quarter or because he liked to shit in weird places. He did it because he knew somebody would have to come and clean it up and wouldn't that be so funny.
from redstarhelix :
i work in retail and have several stories about poop. one time, a kid took a shit in the middle of the floor. nevermind that sparkling toilet. as he was leaving, he stepped in it and tracked it out the stoor. of course, when this happens, its never solid feces...
from rkwj1 :
I walked into a public restroom once , ya know the ones with the pay stalls. Well I guess this kid did'nt have a dime so there he was proped up on the urinal taking a dump. One of the funniest friggin' things I have ever seen. Later, ROB
from whiskeyblood :
kids are often like nougat...getting stuck in your teeth and being generally too sweet and annoying most of the time...but sometimes they hit the spot just right and you can't help but laugh and wish they were all so provocative.
from munkies-rule :
my 5yr old cousin ali asked me what a blow job was once and i told her thats something she should ask her mom because thats for more mature people and she said if i didnt tell her shed tell my mom i had a blow job and she knew id get in trouble for that. evil little children people are having these days.
from purplebanana :
Came to your site 'cause I liked your name. Leaving your site so I can go watch that fucked up badger video again. I don't know whether to thank or curse you for reminding me of its existence. Have you seen Kikko-Man?
from irish-jack :
oh no! it's a snake!
from munkies-rule :
Right on!!! the badger song is kick ass!
from whiskeyblood :
Nun-types are odd like that. You try to stay rather neutral, but they just somehow or another manage to look into your soul and you can't help but smile and say hello and kinda feel better/worse about life/yourself. I think it's because they're so like "your favorite aunt" or "favorite grandmother" types. Or something..that's the theory i've come up with.
from gerg69 :
sweep em off Claire.
from redstarhelix :
guilt and bad spelling.
from redstarhelix :
haha, guit sucks.
from kill-my-star :
http://grouphug.us i dont know if youve ever been there before, but there are some reallll gems on it. seems like something you might enjoy, yes...yes indeed.
from redstarhelix :
or use the insurance check coupled with sexual favors to bribe a judge. then commit both of them. just dont tell the judge about your 'cat thing'...
from purex :
oh also fuck paris hilton and really fuck mandy moore and have you ever noticed that her and enrique iglesies both have huge moles on their faces? nothing wrong with that because a lot of people do but theyre like famous and if you pay close attention to their pictures, they always position those 2 to try and cover them up. ha. ha. i'll leave you alone now, sorry.
from purex :
hey sorry about your car. that's really fuckin shitty. i'd send you $5 if i had your address. i dont have any money and i doubt $5 would help but maybe you could get a cheeseburger or some kind of (drive thru) comfort food, yeahhhh. hope you have a good day here soon, fuck rich people.. and george bush.. and the kkk
from zeroreverb7 :
yeah I am actually. Its just sitting here..Ive had it for Five years..and I keep trying to give it away and no one wants it..so dear its yours...it isn't doing us any good just sitting all alone and cold in the attic (I couldn't find it this morning!! I almost freaked out!!)Don't worry about it...its just a Thing. Ok?? :) Love You Hugs Mwah :)
from pandionna :
See, that's what you get for being honest. My old boyfriend had his car broken into, and he claimed a few things that weren't really in there, like snowboard boots. They paid him for those. He was an asshole, though, and I don't recommend that kind of thing.
from putmedown :
ugh, car break-ins are the worst!!! when that happened to me, the fucks searched my car for the faceplate to my cd player, found it, and took the whole set-up!! i got no sympathy from anyone, they were all like "dammit heather you are retarded for not taking that in the house!" well yes i know that... gah. NOT IMPRESSED.
from oldmaid :
so of course since you're free this weekend, i'm busy. or at least, i probably won't be going out saturday, since i have to spend all day sunday at a family reunion for my future in-laws. sigh.
from rishi :
I hope you're doing better, babe. You know, it never fails to amaze me that people think it's okay to take other people's stuff. They might as well just walk up to you and say, "Hey, you know all the hours you spent working to earn the money to pay for that thing there? *swipe* well, they don't count for SHIT! HA HA HA HAAAA!" Somebody busted my car window out for no apparent reason a couple of months ago, causing me to miss Thanksgiving with my folks. People suck. There, your position is externally validated. Have a nice day.
from leebozeebo :
I feel a lot better today, thanks. Actually, I felt like sort of a dick after I realized that I had attempted to elicit your maternal instincts when you weren't having such a stellar day yourself. Sorry about that. When I get sick I lose all sense of the world and the associated problems therein, to be replaced by a sniffly, unhappy boy that wants somebody to take care of him. I'm glad that your insurance is going to cover your vehicular losses. I'm such a lame-o on car insurance that had it been mine, I'd be totally SOL right now. Good foresight on your part - being paranoid paid off. But it usually does. And yes, depreciation is the correct word. I hope you get everything straightened out, cutie kitten. P.S. Speaking of kitties, mine won't get her big stupid BUTT out from in front of the monitor. Move, kitty, you retard. Ah, that's better. Kisses! For you, not the cat.
from munkies-rule :
sorry to hear about your car. at least being anal retentive about your insurance did some good. go anal retentiveness!
from coyotesabre :
gotta love sarcasm, eh? hope things improve... or something. if not, bite them in the ass with your sarcasm from hell.
from pandionna :
Voodoo. Seriously. Someone is doing voodoo on you.
from redstarhelix :
what the fuck? this tv doesnt even work right. ...last time i steal from your ass. and the lou bega cd? nevermind, i dont want to know.
from warmleftover :
Whats with your diary? It is displaying... oddly. Ok, I have given up, I will never find love, so I am choosing you. Yea, its not a great proposal, but it IS one... you have to learn to be happy with less, geeze. I expect you here in a week, the damn floors need vacuming. I promise to keep you in pudding cups, cartoons and make-out sessions.
from bethany9 :
i thought it was a milk mustache, but after my tryst last night, it might be something else entirely.
from oldmaid :
thank you! you can be my foster mom when my real one is being weird! *hugs* (don't worry, i don't hate my family all the time or anything. i just get upset sometimes. and then i talk myself into being more and more upset... you know how it goes :P but thanks :)
from son-shade :
Now you're an Official Combatant in the "Try Not To Think of a Polar Bear With Blue Eyes" Game, or the TNTTOAPBWBEG as we so call it. Now you can go around and inflict mind control on anyone you wish. So go, try and not to think about sticking your bear arm in a bucket of dried meele worm husks (try not to think of the corn-husk crunch, or the airborne grub-dust) and whatever you do, don't try and remember the Whitney Houston version of "And I Will Always Love You."
from son-shade :
There are 2 remedies for Ear Worms. First, sing the theme to Sponge Bob Square Pants, the other is hum the Hawaii 5-0 theme. They work like etc.
from redstarhelix :
you need an exorcism for your ass? sweet.
from pandionna :
And FINALLY, since I haven't cluttered up your notes nearly enough, with reference to the Southerner below who implied that spending time in the South leads to a Southern accent, I say, YO, I've been south of Mason-Dixon for almost 20 years and I STILL don't say y'all or have any kind of twang or drawl. And it is possible to correct accents. Unless I'm drunk or angry, there are times you'd never know I'm from Long Island. I only let that out when I want to. So there. YO.
from pandionna :
P.S. I kinda sorta maybe just a little bit tend to agree with you mostly a lot on the Southern accents thing. Except for Dan's grandmother. She's from...Alabama...and she has a genteel, soft, drawl. It's classy, on an 82-year-old who can still hop a fence. But let's just say there's more than one reason I can't stand George Bush. Bill Clinton's speech got on my nerves, too. As did Al Gore's.
from pandionna :
Aaron Neville. DAMN! DAMN IT ALL TO HELL! Now *I* have an Aaron Neville ear-worm, too! But hey, the huz has to listen to Rufus Wainwright (sp?) all day every day at work. That does a lot to a die-hard Rush fan. I'm afraid he's going to develop a tic.
from bbbrett :
"If you've already done that..." Christ! You get funnier every day. I don't know a damned thing about this shit. My idea of de-bugging consists of going to the "delete program" screen and hacking at it with my virtual machete. Thanks for pointing me in a good direction. Just logging on to that site showed me about eight things that exist just to make my computer using experience an exercise in patience, if not torture resistance. After I spend a few weeks implementing all of the manual repairs I should be right back in the game. Thanks again!
from moebelle :
did you tell your mom that he isn't peeing when he wakes up? how could he not pee? hmmmm....."pee obsessed bitch" would make an interesting t-shirt or coffee mug, or bumper sticker slogan....lol
from gerg69 :
Ok, I've been away for three whole days and look what kind of riot you've started. I find it amusing that it's ok to laugh at something until it's you the joke is about. THEN AW NAW, IT'S ON NOW BITCH! Being from the South I wasn't taking offense, and that was before I learned that Texas was the exception. At least you don't think I'm an asshole..... yet. So, that said, who invaded Poland and made you the pee gestapo? " Ven did you pee last ??! Vas it after you blew up ze train depot or before you exploded ze submarine pens? If you do not talk vee shall haf to get out ze 50 caliber zupositories! You vill pee for me now schvine!"
from redstarhelix :
i like that the damasu girl had such a problem with the accents post and slams the irish in her profile.
from muxxie :
yup you're right...not peeing in the morning IS abnormal. You know what else is abnormal? Not eating for like 1-2 hours after waking up!!! I can't do that but my boyfriend can!! he's a freak too!
from sky-soldier :
lolol i am british, and we sure as hell never use that phrase...what were you doing watching linda green???i didnt know they had it in america! i suggest you refrain from watching such nonsensical, lie-filled drivel and watch some nice cartoons or something useful like that lol
from munkies-rule :
hey i understand the peeinh thing. i pee every morning exact same time every day. lets here it for the scheduled pissers!
from redstarhelix :
make sure to note what time and whether it was #1 or #2.
from lilchrissi :
You havent lost me as a reader miss. My list is just full. Maybe I should go and delete somene thats pissed me off recently and add you to my infamous list of randmon goobers eh? Not that youre a goober of course I like goobers actually, I just dont like chocolate. I mean *ahem* S'cuse me while I go hack up my hair ball......
from purex :
angry people from the south need to COOL IT. seriously. your entry with the hitler-look-alike mustauche cracked me up. HA! see there i go.
from munkies-rule :
jesus friggin christ! look at the damned motor mouth below. someone sure had their piggies in a ruckus when they read your entry huh. im from nc and i get aggrivated everyday by the damned southern accents, i am lucky to not have one myself, but more power to you on maybe starting a movement to end all southern vocal traits.
from damasu :
Unfortunately, since I'm from the south, and already convicted of being retarded because of something I can't control (where I was born), my comment probably won't matter much, but here it goes anyway... I don't read your diary often, so I really have no clue as to whether or not you were joking, but I'll assume that you were not, considering it only seems sensible. While I agree that southern drawls are quite annoying, especially those "southern bell" types, or whatever they are, I very much disagree with the fact that you think you have some sort of higher status simply because you're at a higher point on a map of the united states. Saying this, I believe it's okay for southerners to dislike what they are, and northerners to hate what they are, or vice-versa, in regards to liking... but as stated before, I don't agree with the way you so "delicately" put it. Thanks, by the way. Humans, in my opinion, are very adaptable creatures. We become what we put ourselves around, and while you think that a southern drawl is something that only a moron can't change, have you ever tried changing your "northern accent", or whatever it might be, if you even consider yourself to have one? After putting yourself around people who speak the southern lingo day after day and hour after hour, it grows on you, and you begin to do it yourself without even noticing, so please... take a moment to step back and view things from someone else's perspective before you insult a whole group of people and jump to conclusions. There was a saying about making assumptions once... it only makes something out of you and me. Anywho, well, you get the gist. I apologise if anything I said offended you, but I thought it only fair that you thought you apparently represented the north, or something, so I had to defend "my people", whether I agree with living here, or their accent, or not. Just please don't be so quick to judge, eh?
from pandionna :
You know what drives me batty? When little kids say, "Mommy, I have to make." Like the kid is going to squat right down and deposit something on the ground. Grrrr...
from warmleftover :
Yes Dear, we can do all of that. Just you, me, pudding cups and the baby Jesus. (or, Jeez-zus were I was raised darlin')
from redstarhelix :
and before long the mcnuggets will become our currency and define the way we live our lives. see, you'd at least have to throw in some bbq sauce also to make me slaughter the kids. kid killin' is a mighty hunger kindling, and i fear without the bbq sauce, my hunger would not be sated.
from ifeelhatred :
Your not retarded. I am. I like milk. Especially the chocolate kind.
from munkies-rule :
good to hear you're almost back to health. hope you still get to go to the party thing you wanted to go to this weekend. much love
from whiskeyblood :
I've been ailing like whoa these past few days...finally starting to kick it after a week of "FUCK IT! IT'S NEW YEARS AND I'M DRINKING" hijinks. Anyway, you get your sweet fanny better because I'm beginning to get the wanderlust and think a trip to Cbus may happen soon. That is if I can scrounge up the money to pay for my goddamn car inspection *shakes fist at hidden costs of owning a car* Love ya, punkin!
from drahmaqueen :
I hope you feel better soon sweets.
from sicicle :
added you to my list of favorites...(in a diary entry because i'm too lazy to deal with my profile right now) you seem to rule much, so i hope you feel less shitty.
from knock-first :
stopped in today :)
from oldmaid :
now i'm sick, too. this sucks. my throat hurt so bad it woke me up this morning. though i guess this explains why i've been sleeping at least 12 hours a night for the past few days. so i might not be up for dancing this weekend :( grrrr!
from redstarhelix :
i drank a bottle of cherry nyquil for new years eve (after the first couple shots it isnt so bad). freaking kept me up all night...
from bare-my-soul :
hope you feel better! ah, nyquil. i've had many a hangover from that cherry delight. love rose
from mr-sparkles :
I don't give out ponies, just pony rides.
from mr-sparkles :
Can I kiss you on the cheek?
from leebozeebo :
Baby, don't start up with the smoking. Really. I've kissed a girl who smokes before - that truly does taste gross. Don't you want to taste minty fresh? Or maybe like chocolate? Wouldn't you like to taste like some chocolate?
from warmleftover :
You are the bitter yin to my cynical yang. Lets get married on New Years Day and open the Seventh Seal unleashing destruction and agony on the people we went to high school with. Or just anyone that Dissed us in the last few days.
from beagle47 :
'milk! best wishes for a wacky new year's eve and a wonderful new year. peace, sister, peace.
from rkwj1 :
The same thing happened to me. When I finally had some time off I got very sick. But , alcohol does help. The more you drink the less you feel the symptoms of whatever affliction you were so lucky to get. But watch out for the next morning. Talk about a fucking hangover. Fuck It! just keep drinking. Feel Better, ROB
from staple-stuck :
maybe it's the monkey pox, or the mad cow disease... Seriously woman, get yourself well and start carrying hand sanitizer with you in your pocket. Lawd knows *what* you've been touchin!
from gerg69 :
Sorry you're feeling sick. Do you need anything? A pillow? Some porn? Some tape to make faces at the cat with?
from purex :
youre fucking cool, love to read your diary as it always cracks me up (and i completely understand about the messy room.. dah!)
from redstarhelix :
i cant say much for messes, they dont bother me much. the cat shit in a shoe on the other hand, is a different matter. having a fondness that rvials that of a woman for shoes, such is blasphemous. i suppose i'm lucky. My cat shits in his box. BUT THATS ALL HE DOES. at any given moment throughout the day, there he is, shitting, probably thinking to himself "hehehe, i'm going to watch that fucker clean this one up. 'no licking my balls on the kitchen table indeed'"
from leebozeebo :
Not that there are any ladies begging me for a romp under the covers, of course. You're my one and only Boo, after all. I was just saying. Before, in the other note. Just saying. Hypothetical like. You know me. Always talking. Talky talky Lee. Mr. Blabbity Blab with his blabbing. Let's all have a good laugh at this awkward moment and not sic Doom-Cats on Lee. Ha ha ha! Ha ha! Oh, that was a good one.
from leebozeebo :
I'm afraid I can't relate to your messiness, love. I'm actually kind of a neat freak, whether I'm having sex or not. I'm sure the ladies think it's cute when I won't hop into bed with them until after I've tidied up. "Please, Lee, romp under the covers with me!" they cry. "Not now, baby, I have to pick up all your dirty socks off the floor and then alphabetize your books," I say suavely with a sexy glint in my eye.
from son-shade :
Nor should pregnant womens wear anything tight enough show the miniature hard-on sticking out their bellies. Two words: Fucking. Eww.
from gerg69 :
Portions of Idiot-Milk were brought to you by, Campbells, Makers of delicious chicken and stars and the new improved crotch soup, now with more crotch. Thats what Campbell's soup's are, MMMM-MMMM good!
from brain-dump :
The same thing happened to me on Christmas Eve; I got pulled over and he told me I was going 48 in a 30mph zone. (!!!) But he took my license and said, "well, unless you're wanted by the FBI or Homeland Security, we'll just have you slow down a bit." woah!
from not-tuesday :
Oh my God, the entry about the job interview was HILARIOUS!! I have got to read the rest of your diary.
from pandionna :
Alas, the one time I took Vioxx I retained close to 7 pounds of water in three days and broke out in a rash, so no Vioxx for me. Lots of ibuprofen. I think my kidneys have died.
from ifeelhatred :
I find that you are quite the interesting person.... Quite intersting, that you are.
from munkies-rule :
have a happy holiday oh sulton af diary land
from pandionna :
And I got my goddamn period, today, too!
from pandionna :
"Whether or not" pisses me off. It's "whether," just plain "whether." And it doubly pisses me off when my boss ADDS "or not" to it in my articles. For instance, when you want to express your displeasure with someone, a good thing to say would be, "I couldn't care less whether you rot in hell." And "impact" as a verb? NO! Things do not "impact" each other. They HAVE AN IMPACT on each other. And you can't "grow a business" anymore than I can grow a penis. JESUS, PEOPLE! There, thanks for letting me put my two cents in today.
from gerg69 :
I could care less, is one I hate. If you could care less then why the hell are you bothering saying anything? It's I COULDN'T CARE LESS idiot." Supposably is another one.
from golfwidow :
Death to "irregardless".
from redstarhelix :
i'd spank don knotts' ass and make him call me aunt bea. i'd then cover him in liquid latex and ...ugh, i think i just grossed myself out.
from gerg69 :
Please ma'am, I want some more.
from rkwj1 :
Happy Holidays! Later, Rob
from fritzthecat :
Lynnda, I just found your page tonight - you are one of the funniest people I've come across - and very clever! I am enjoying your entries and wanted to send some love.
from dyingisanart :
it's hard to know whether to take that seriously or not... orphans are great, they gave us the version of annie where alan cummings sings 'easy street' but those kids are always getting free stuff and they just keep milking it. --Ciara
from leebozeebo :
Love ya, Bunny. Listen, things are hectic at the North Pole (my shrinking escalated and I've sought employment as an elf) but I've asked Santa to give you your Gameboy, and the opportunity to kick Janet Reno in the balls. He said you were on the naughty list like two thousand times, but I think I can get him to do it. Sorry I can't deliver on the ninja foot rub, but until I can figure out how to regrowify myself I have to lay low up here. Kisses, regardless. -Lee
from gerg69 :
GodDAMN you are so weird!! Your diary is great and so are you.
from redstarhelix :
i'd do don knotts for a mil, and i'm not even gay.
from kittyleopard :
Read your most recent entry today, and lets just elaborate by saying I had my mum asking me if I needed CPR. Kudos, chica!
from kittyleopard :
Read your most recent entry today, and lets just elaborate by saying I had my mum asking me if I needed CPR. Kudos, chica!
from miss-edith :
I just dropped by to say that I still love you!
from a-victoria :
I was thinking "boyfriends", not interns, but hey. To each his/her own.
from rkwj1 :
The other day I saw an SUV slide off the highway right in front of me and my little ford escort and I laughed and laughed and laughed. What a dumb ass! SUV or not, snow is slippery. later,ROB
from pandionna :
I hate to say this, but it gives me a perverse satisfaction to see SUVs slide off the road in the snow.
from scarydoll :
My only hope is that they will teach people like that to drive when they are in Hell.
from munkies-rule :
i figured you lived far off away. no one cool lives here. i've heard of the area within the city cause i gots family in columbus. maybe they'er the ones giving you cancer.
from oldmaid :
oh no! is kitty ok? *pets* for sickly kitty!
from leebozeebo :
Sweetie Pie, you need to hang onto me because I'm such a hot commodity and my layout is like 4 or possibly even FOUR times better than Hipookie's totally lame template design. Also I have a bigger penis. Would you like a ninja foot rub?
from son-shade :
Just when I think with the punchline, "A baby with a mouthful of razorblades" is the last funny thing that'll ever make me laugh - you lay that entry on us. Bra-fucking-vo. If I had idols, you would surely be one.
from son-shade :
Just when I think with the punchline, "A baby with a mouthful of razorblades" is the last funny thing that'll ever make me laugh - you lay that entry on us. Bra-fucking-vo. If I had idols, you would surely be one.
from golfwidow :
I think you might need some industrial-sized blenders, just so you can say to some of these moms, "Shut that devilspawn up or I'm gonna serve you an Ashley milkshake."
from redstarhelix :
two words to quiet the kids: ajax cookies.
from munkies-rule :
i read your diary thingy alot and ive always wondered... where the hell are you and your clan of dorky roomates located anyways? the one and the only, nicorette
from ionme :
"Dear woman in the inexcusably stupid tapered jeans and oversized Tasmanian Devil sweatshirt...YOU ARE AN ANUS. PLEASE DIE." LOL - good luck w/ all your men. I hear you, mormons rule!!
from whiskeyblood :
I wish I had something cooler to say, but all I can say is...BEEEEP *drool*. Holiday retail rots your brain. Kill Kill Kill!
from obi-char :
If I loved you any more, you'd be Jesus.
from obi-char :
Weh-heh-hell, would you like salt with the foot that you can now insert into your mouth?
from leebozeebo :
First of all, make me some pie. Second of all, MAKE ME SOME PIE. Love ya, honey. Cuddles, LeeboZeebo
from leebozeebo :
Sure, let's go steady. Do I have to wear a little apron or something? I don't know how much I'd like that.
from beagle47 :
cats suck.
from son-shade :
At first glance I thought "not good with colours" meant what I suffer from. See, I read bottom-up and started with the end. Anyhow, I'm an image guy. I can tell you an approx. CMYK breakdown of any colour I see, I've been doing it that long. But I can't mix and match them. I look like a retard on summer vacation when I dress myself - without female guidance, I'm so straight I'm eggy. I'm "not good with colours". The woman is just "not good with smart."
from redstarhelix :
egads, i've done something similar. but it was fds.
from oldmaid :
yay! i will give you a call on saturday!
from ionme :
yeah, so we know karma is a bitch. that cunt that tried to rip off the pregnant lady will get what she deserves!! i don't miss retail, especially right now. hang in there :)
from tokcocktok :
Hi there, I'm just randomly stopping by. Anyways, happy holidays :)
from oldmaid :
sooooooo. are you busy this weekend? specifically, are you busy late-night on saturday?
from pandionna :
She finished your crossword? Oh, no, no, no, it's all wrong. That is SO wrong. I can't stand people like that. Ex-Lax in her hot cocoa. Yes...
from munkies-rule :
hey if you want a 4th roomate again i'd be more than happy to shack up with a rage-filled dorky retail working highly comedic stranger, because alas i fit the profile as well.
from bitterlemon :
I enjoy clever people, but not as much as I enjoy clever-raging people. You seem to fall under this definition, good work! Snowragers suck, I'm from the Canadian Prairies and I'm surrounded by them here. (Mostly they're just old, but that's an entirely different reason for us to shoot them) One would think that every October when the snow starts to fall we were about to plunge into a six month state of emergency with no hope of rescue. I also find it amusing that people think it's a big surprise. Joke's on us, the season's changed again...
from ionme :
i heard you didn't get much snow, it rained there all of yesterday but we were the lucky ones, it snowed here all fucking day. i hate the snow but i don't freak out like that. i might bitch about scraping the 10 inches of snow off my car to leave for work though. fuck this weather, give me spring! congrats on the time off :)
from eggshelldanz :
Hah! you made my day up here in Rochester, NY on south shore of Lake Ontario. Can you say "wind chill?", "lake effect", and 18 inch dumps of snow at a time? You tell them wussies!
from trinabird :
hoo-fucking-ray for your vacation and it's unintended consequences for your cuntish co-workers! ah, karma.
from towelphaser :
about ten minutes ago, i wa doing that one-eyebrow-raised confused face thing and wondering aloud "who the fuck is idiot milk?", but hoo boy, now i know. NOW I FUCKING KNOW.
from dishdeter :
LMAO. Good for you. You must have like 50 ovaries or something.
from son-shade :
Heh. You fucking kill me.
from kittyleopard :
no problemo on the retardedness thingie, chica! I will be visiting often, so be sure to keep that level of A+ randomness. Ha.
from drahmaqueen :
Know what pisses me off? During hurricane season when the weather men say pen-nen-chula..instead of penninsula. And when people say nu-ku-ler intead of nuclear. I'm right there with ya!
from ionme :
let me know when you want to start slapping the dick's out of people's mouths because i need to get my bosses dick out of this guy's mouth at work. :P
from pandionna :
Ooh...OOOOOOOOOH! I'll be your best friennnnnd. *bats eyelashes*
from trinabird :
HAHAHA, YEAH! yay for miss mary sunshine, and totally, shit yeah, road trip for me when you're out of retail hell. road. trip.
from coyotesabre :
where the crap did you find shrinky dink paper?! i used to love those things! i think there's still garfield ones floating around my house from when i was, like, three...
from son-shade :
There's fucking tomes to be written about Shoddenfreuden. No exact translation from German, but it's that kinda joy people take in the misfortunes of others. Great fucking word.
from pandionna :
KISS Shrinky Dinks! Yes!
from irish-jack :
This Building Is TOTALLY Burning Down!
from kittyleopard :
hey, just wanter to say your diary rocks, and your friggin' hilarious!! Im adding you to my favs if thats ok!! Well cya!! Stop by sometime!! :)
from heidiann :
Dear IdiotMilk: I hate people too. Let us go on a claw hook/anal rape rampage together. Love and disgust, Heidi
from son-shade :
Fuuuuck. You really Get It. You see the thing that makes me, ME and you wish them to be anally raped by rabid wild dogs. I'm speachless, really.
from coyotesabre :
wo0t! go coyotes!! ::grins:: i actually would have probably run around madly with an iron bar and beat senseless anyone who i suspected to have come from that direction. you have more strength than i do.
from beagle47 :
'milk! the best approach for me has been to gather my writing for a certain period, give it a title and send it in as one submission. think of yourself has having written a 500 plus page novel here. print it out, send it in with a title and your money, wait for your certificate, dance with glee when you know it's yours and you can sue thieves of your work. so, take what you have now, print it out, give it a title, like, "truthes and consequences" by idiot-milk, send it in! piece of cake and quite satisfying. and, don't forget your friends in the 1) dedication 2) acknowlegements 3) liner notes to the spoken word cd.
from son-shade :
Monkies. It's always those daaahm filthy MONKIES!
from jezolina :
Yeah, 'specially bank people. (Sorry Jan!)
from son-shade :
Dangers of opening up in a blog, this outpouring of concern, but to quote Alfred E. Newman, "What, me worry?" I'm so not worried that I'm comfortable enough to hold up to my monitor, two tickets to Hawaii leaving in February. Jesus...was that mean or excited? Probably both. Ah, well, I didn't get the "Esq" by being couth. Try martinis. Makes getting pissed almost civilized and a damn good reason to eat olives on a toothpick.
from oldmaid :
*hugs* are you doing ok?
from son-shade :
Y'know what makes me happy when I'm feelin' blue? Drugs. I also like doing drugs, getting dressed in my best bowling regalia (replete with tri-colour shoes) and then going downtown and crash random hotel lobby banquets. Saturday, Rev and I found one with a...get this...CHOCOLATE FONDOUEUE FOUNTAIN! Try it. It's real easy to do and you meet some pretty strange cats. Chin up Doll.
from broken-doll- :
you made me laugh when i was in a shitty mood. so im adding you to my favourites.
from purex :
i hate that fake hair shit too. i would feel too much like a cancer patient if i ever bought one (nothing against ppl with cancer, im just sayin..)
from pandionna :
I saw those fake "falls" in CVS not long ago. They didn't catch on here on the East Coast. I was wondering where they went. Looks like we sent them to you!
from beagle47 :
'milk! so glad you asked. first, you cut and paste this into all of your templates: "© 200(x)-200(y) idiot-milk." fill in all years in which your stuff was written. that is all you have to do to prevent others from using your writing without permission. second: visit here http://www.copyright.gov/circs/circ1.html to officially register your work. good if you want to sue for money damages if yoru stuff is used without permission. a great way to make lots of decent charities richer (or, better yet, fulfill all of your personal greedy needs and wants with money from thieves). this will require a small fee and a printed copy of your stuff. the office is slow as hell in issuing their certificates, but you're protected from the filing not the issuance of the certificate. the certificate is really cool to get. you feel warm and fuzzy and like a, well, novelist or something funny like that. the easiest way i have found to print your stuff and send it is to use microsoft publisher, then block and copy from diaryland and paste to publisher. first i copy and paste the title from the "older entries" template, then go to the text itself. works like a charm and publisher offers you a nice invitation to lose the html crap. my stuff is all registered with certificate(s) which means i've had a few chances to get money damages. fun if you are ripped-off and even moreso if you can help a charity with it. i strongly advocate you register anything you care about or think is good with the copyright office. well worth the $30.00. start here and let me know if you have any other questions!
from zeroreverb7 :
you just brought tears to my eyes (you aren't a dork! no seriously!!) i Love you Milky...more than you will ever know. And I might take you up on that...I just might. You are so precious to me..and I thank YOU big hugs and sloppy kisses peace
from dishdeter :
OMG you make me laugh my ass off. While I have never had the pleasure of working in retail, I have to tell you, ALL co-workers are that annoying, all CUSTOMERS ANYWHERE are that annoying, and all bosses are dillholes. God, stop it, I'm going to pee in my pants. I officially rank you as #1 funniest diary here.
from bluering :
...for the sexing...i'm referring to sex as that from now on. jesus, did that ever make me laugh.
from staple-stuck :
as much as I've refrained from offering unsolicited advice, from one ear sufferer to another, try a water pill. For real-it'll help dry out that crap in your ears. oh, I firmly believe that if the world just sat down and ate a jar of Nutella, we'd have world peace.
from adventuresof :
So, you're hilarious, no? Yes. Note me back. -Elaina
from pandionna :
"Informer?" By Snow? Inforrrmer...skfownvoiwehasfkoew hibbity boom boom askdfoweiagvie a hibbity boom boom skjfowier errrrrrrrrrr Informer? I have that. On tape. God.
from nething315 :
just when I had FORGOTTEN about the jar of nutella hidden in my closet...how inspiring your diary is, whether it be for good or ill. Leave me in peace with my nutella festival.
from imperfectlyy :
~snicker~ to your 11-13-03 entry. ~snicker snicker~
from madamepierce :
I refuse to believe that Nutella does not actually make things better.
from rumblelizard :
So now he wants to know who YOU are!
from son-shade :
Heh. Eh-he-he-he. Ehhhhfunny.
from rumblelizard :
That is so totally him. I bet he was like, "No, Bill Niederst isn't my REAL NAME," because he changed it to Liam or whatever. You can see that he's using Liam in the pictures. People are funny sometimes. No matter; Sifl & Olly still rules!
from rumblelizard :
I emailed him and he denies his name is Bill Niederst!
from seven-point5 :
http://www.theonion.com/onion3637/aging_gen-xer.html WHO IS THAT IN THE TRASH CAN????
from oldmaid :
i will say a definite maybe on the dancing tomorrow, and yes to the goodbye party. um, where exactly is the goodbye party?
from zeroreverb7 :
come over here...I have some "juice"..we can share..and I won't take it away from you :) I heart you madly sweet girl Love YOU hugs mmwah Peace
from son-shade :
Ah, yes. The Baby With the Beer Bottle kida family. Mine too. One of my earliest memories of my Ma yelling at my Uncle David (about 17 at the time) for putting beer in my apple juice cup. Din't see the problem, cause Da made it quite a habit of puring me a shotglass of beer as we watched Ali or Forman on Wide World of Sports, or whatnot. I'm tellin' ya. I din't have a friken' chance.
from son-shade :
Maritimer Cure for you. Called a Hot Toddy (ya heard of it fer sure). Take a (yeah..you guessed it) CUPPA TEA, stick some honey in it and get a bottle of Glenfarclas (go for the old stuff). Say "fuck the tea" and pull the cork on the bottle of scotch. Dunno what it is about single malts, but it'll sweat the gunk outta ya in yer sleep, believe you me. And yes. Buckley's Mixture has the viscosity of cum. Works better than a "Lung Brush" though (their slogan is "Tastes Awful. But It Works.") What makes me drink it even today? What's left to be said about Camphor Flavoured Semen? Can't be any worse than what it tastes like normally, can it?
from rumblelizard :
So what was his real name? (The guy is a genius, IMO.)
from rumblelizard :
"Camphor in semen form"??? Jesus X. Christ! Do you think that's what he meant? What would a guy have to eat to make his semen taste like camphor?? Anyway, yeah, can you imagine how horrifying that would be, a yeast infection in your ear? Ugh! Anyway, sorry about the floppy earlobes, I think there are plastic surgeons you can see for that.
from son-shade :
You make me laugh. You are of The Blessed of the Few. When I was a kid we had this shit called "Buckley's Mixture" for colds, which was really just camphor in semen form. For the trots we had "Dr. Fowler's Extract of Wild Strawberry" which tasted like a melted licorice turd. I'm not shitting ya. Maritime Canadians are fucked. Ear ache? Blow smoke in it. Teething baby? Rum on the gums. Dry sockets? Loose tobacco in the holes. Sore throat? Tea. Upset stomach? Tea. Cancer? Tea. Death in the family? Tea. Fucking tribal.
from jezolina :
CALPYOUNUH? I still think you're right. After all this time.
from waycoolmama :
Glad to see you're feeling a bit better. Ear infections SUCK! And I did happen to catch the Femmes lyric title on Nov 7th. I was singing it for days until Journey titled your next entry and then I was shot back into 7th grade again hoping I would finally get my damn period like everyone else and sneaking little airplane bottles of Jack Daniels from the kitchen pantry. Ahhh... good times...
from waycoolmama :
Glad to see you're feeling a bit better. Ear infections SUCK! And I did happen to catch the Femmes lyric title on Nov 7th. I was singing it for days until Journey titled your next entry and then I was shot back into 7th grade again hoping I would finally get my damn period like everyone else and sneaking little airplane bottles of Jack Daniels from the kitchen pantry. Ahhh... good times...
from beagle47 :
'milk: your timing is, well, impeccable. unless of course you hate that word as do i, and then your timing would be flawless, or, well, just plain fucking perfect. you salvaged this miserable monday and, if by chance i die in my sleep tonight (damn, i should be so lucky...grrrrr) you should live knowing you brought a smile to my face just before the good (it is good, right?) universe saw fit to take me. if i wake up as i suspect i will tomorrow, i will read that note at least 4 times and smile before i drag my ass out to actually start working again (which will be 2 hours post start-time i'm sure). thanks, 'milk. sometimes you make it awfully hard to believe you're as hard as you write yourself out to be.
from red-wine :
Nov. 15 is my party, you mincey freak. Mainly a BYO event. Probably 9-ish til well into Sunday if I have my way. Bring the kids. Detials to follow. (But there's no saying it *won't* end up at Club Nastyrack!)
from booberella :
DO NOT GO TO THE ITTY TITTY BAR WITHOUT ME!!!!! I so wanted to go, but could not because of the level of intoxicated I had gotten to. It's your own damn fault for making me drink 115 beers.
from pandionna :
I hope you feel better. You hear me? Feel better. I said I HOPE YOU FEEL BETTER!
from ionme :
I hear there are pictures, you must share :)
from xanaxbabyx :
My hair has hurt too... Like... the roots of the hair right? It's creepy, but I think it's normal... I sure hope it's normal!
from red-wine :
Ohhhhhh, nooooo. I assume there was some splatter? *Cringe* I feel bad too, but considering we were all having a grand old laugh you're not alone. Also, you're entirely right: what the hell was she thinking? Maybe it was suicide.
from fixinto :
y'ever read Shel Silverstein? That poem with the little girl who makes up all these symptoms so she doesn't have to go to school? Just curious, is all. arm pit pains suck, though, for sure. i once got a rash from a deodorant and my arm pits felt like I had been hot ironing my pit hair. stay home and sleep. or drink. either way, woo hoo!
from his-holiness :
Quite a party then, eh?
from coyotesabre :
you know what? i think that's the first entry i've seen in a while from you that didn't have fuck in it at least once. good job... either that or damn you for getting behind in your work!
from red-wine :
Goddamnit! That just made me spew half chewed cereal all over my monitor.
from red-wine :
Good luck on the interview! And if I pass out in your bed Saturday, have your way with me. Just don't jostle too much, okay? Hey, call me before then and let me know what I can bring.
from gwensworld :
i laughed, i cried, i laughed til i cried and wish i had never given in to temptation and read your diary...for now i must add you to my favorites and read you often.
from drahmaqueen :
oops...quit. Dammit!
from drahmaqueen :
I wuit smoking too...day #5 on the fucking patch...I want to choke people at some points during my day... And how are you?!?
from drahmaqueen :
I wuit smoking too...day #5 on the fucking patch...I want to choke people at some points during my day... And how are you?!?
from dyingisanart :
i luv your diary and added you to faves- check mine out
from red-wine :
Well, *I'm* excited for the party! No costume ideas yet though. Maybe I could be one of your diet casualties? Just follow you around and lie behind you in a bloody and dead manner?
from zeroreverb7 :
YOU Heart Meee!!!!! I Heart YOU too!!!!!!:) mmmmwahhhhhh hugs hugs hugs Love you Peace
from ionme :
Ack! The short....I looked in the mirror to see how they looked from the back. It made me want to stick a broom stick down my throat and make everything I've eaten in the past month come up. Gross! I hope you have the bestest Halloween party EVER!
from gnomad :
i attempted to send you a pony per our conversation; thinking that would cheer you up and put you right again. however, the one thing i took to be your email bounced back as nonexistant. ahhhh not stalkable has it's bennies, but then you don't get a pony, do you?
from likeaforest :
ms. milk: you came highly recommended from todd, and after having read bunches of entries, i now see that he's quite right. your journal is lovely, even in spite of the temporary blindness i endured while clicking on some of the arse related links.
from pandionna :
Painkillers and gin? I was thinking a penis.
from whiskeyblood :
So the dole won't be here for another week and I won't be able to make it to Columbus...but let me canive and see what I can come up with. If I can somehow get $75.00 I think that that would be enough for me to be able to have enough gas to get there and back as well as food. I eat like a hog, ya know. I just don't think I can do a costume...god. I don't know what to do. PLEASE DON'T HATE ME!!!!
from ionme :
I know what you mean. If you have one, there will be more. The trick is, not eating the first one. Hah. Easier said than done. I am glad I haven't had the pleasure of a pumpkin truffle, for serious, I would be doomed! I should just take a picture of my shorts I tried on last night that were too tight, you know, the love handles in all their glory. Maybe that would make me not eat dessert. I hope your party is a success!! I think I know what you need but, I won't go there haha
from moretoknow :
You need...trail mix with WHITE chocolate chipies :D No, actually...if I could suggest anything, seriously get yourself somewhere scream at the top of your fucking lungs and just let it go, feels oh so good. If you feel like throwing things, do it, just let it go and be CRAZY! (not that you aren't normally)
from whiskeyblood :
dude...my homegrown totally on the dole punk ass. that's what you need and that's what you're gonna get next week. BOO fuckin' YAAAA! thank you for you nicey nice words!
from macrocarpa :
You need... To go try on funny hats. Seriously. And take lots of pictures. Don't forget to post them. :-P
from pandionna :
You ask what you need to get you out of your funk. Don't open a door like that for me. I could say all kinds of things.
from pandionna :
Fear not! One day is nothing in the grand scheme of nutritional balance. You've been doing well, and your body is changing, and this isn't going to throw you off course. Really. I promise. Tomorrow is a new day, and you'll kick ass.
from breadisdead :
dude, something way worser than not being told you have a quarter stuck to your cheek is nobody telling you about the chocolate stuck to the ass of your pants, yo. Fuh.
from whiskeyblood :
yeah..no..i have no invite anywhere to be seen...boywonders25@hotmail.com...hotmail sucks a dog dick it's what I got...yo.
from seven-point5 :
so when you say alcoholically challenged, what exactly do you mean by that? Just curious, maybe we can compare notes. love, molly
from golfwidow :
I think I want to go, next time. (Journalcon, that is.)
from whiskeyblood :
I'll be there..I just have to figure out my costume. Of course there's always the hitch that I won't be able to figure it out. That would be bad. Well...I'll just put on a hoodie and call myself Donnie Darko. I'm sure that's never been done before EVER! If my mctummster isn't better I will have to remain sober as well and that is a sad state of affairs indeed. *sigh* STUPID ULCER!
from discodave :
I'm going for "or something", to be frank. Don't feel bad, though. That poster said "wanted", anyway. Dxx
from argylecool :