messages to idiot-milk:
(click here to add new message):

from beagle47 :
so i get this thing in the mail from Hallie's Berry or something, and i think "wow, i'm generous, i don't even live in Ohio but damn those kids are cute." then i remembered...
from off-book :
Milky one...It's been about forever since I commented, as I've been on vaca---Oh, hell, I've been lazy for about a year. Say, I was wondering if I could possibly use one of your entries for a theatre happening (giving you credit where due for your fabulosity, of course)...Drop me an e-mail at [email protected] to talk specifics. I sure would appreciate it!
from rumblelizard :
Glad you enjoyed Invincible! I love her, she's basically my new hero. She makes the baby Jesus pop 'n' lock.
from rumblelizard :
Hey thanks for the note! That's a cool print.
from beagle47 :
2009-02-23 - 12:20 a.m. "under constuction." this user's total entries: 1000 "Hot dog nog and other atrocities." Luckily, I don't have much occasion to talk to her, but still...just a few of the dog's giggles. hope all is, well...
from gerg69 :
Wow man, that was like your 999th entry. I'm sure you knew that though. Eh?
from red-wine :
I know, right? Sorry for sending you down that dark road. But see, we've found a way around it, and that way is bargaining. "OK, we can buy the toxic death brand of cranberry juice as long as we get the 7th Generation laundry stuff. Deal?" Which pretty much explains how I wound up spending $8 on an alarmingly small jug of detergent.
from zeroreverb7 :
love to you too hugs sweet girl :)
from red-wine :
Oh wow. That was, like, the "Alice's Restaurant" of plumbing stories. Good show, Madam.
from misfitstray :
I would wish that you would update a bit more often *sigh*
from beagle47 :
venti venti
from soapboxdiner :
In the peace-keeping spirit of the season, and with bolstered by the event of your continued employment, I think you should extend the olive branch to Billie. DON'T BEAT HIM WITH IT. Carribean Queen is still on my playlist, and it is GOOD. Come to the other side, Milky! It's warm here.
from smashthegas :
I still have a job in 2009 too. Sorta wish I hadn't though, which is extremely ungrateful considering loads of people are being made redundant right now. But then I work with bastards. Hehe. And what has Billy Ocean done? He used to be a pretty cool dude when he had his long dreads and tried a bit of rock stuff.
from strixia :
You kill me. Write more. Yes. More. Carry on.
from sarkasmo :
AY-MEYEN to snowtards. Believe it or not, people do the same thing up here in Ontario, but it's not so pronounced. I remember First Snow Syndrome in Cincinnati, and yeah. Usually there was a death within the first half inch of snow.
from cdstacks :
mexican fish pizza with egg rolls?... after years away, i returned to read and enjoy, change is good, so is consistency, thank you for still doing what you do...
from awittykitty :
High five, ms. idiot-milk. I was a total wreck until Obama went ahead. But woot! after that!
from strixia :
Mav-rick, Mav-er-ick/Which one is it? I don't know/Mav-Mav-Mav COURIC.
from sunstargirl :
that was the funniest entry I've ever read on diaryland.
from portlypete :
May I suggest two eggs, bacon, blueberry pancakes with syrup, hash browns. It must have been breakfast time when you stopped bickering.
from awittykitty :
Except for the fish sandwich part, I'm totally writing you in as my candidate in November. (I vote for Chinese food incidently).
from bathtubmary :
thank you for feeding my addiction! you are a genius. i (er, mike) will be utilizing your recipe straight away. xoxo, d
from prisonguard :
i just couldn't help but notice you said about hasselhoff that he can sing, and i just couldn't help but leave you my uttermost disagreement (ie no offense but he's about the worst singer alive... or worst anything.)
from awittykitty :
I wanna see the photo of you poking a whale with a stick, because I totally know you did it even though you said you didn't.
from pandionna :
I love you, babe, but you are sooooo going to hell for the culinary curiosity about bald eagles. Heh!
from sarkasmo :
Do you have a Flickr account? It's free and junk. I mean, you can upload your stuff there and link to it on D-land. I want to go to AK soooo much. Thanks for the heads-up about the deep-fried eagle and whale-poking, though. I'll research a little harder. Maybe those are on a specialized tour.
from smashthegas :
Hope you're holiday was good!! Smashxxx
from sarkasmo :
HAHAHA! Swishswishswish!
from portlypete :
That deafening noise I can hear must be the sound of Diarylanders everywhere downing tools and conjuring up a storm of word clouds.
from bunny828 :
Damn! I agree. I haven't heard of tongue infections. You win. I do hope the meds work quickly for you and you don't find and eat any more bad food.
from pandionna :
Clearly, the only way to know that what you are tasting is really what you are eating and not a product of something else is to eat only that which tastes like what your mouth taste likes. And I believe I just told you to eat ass. Oh my. But I love you anyway! (P.S., I'm on WordPress now. Too many problems with d-land comments. Yes, with this name, too.)
from annanotbob :
Brilliant! xx
from hissings :
you rock, so i want to give you the keys to my diary. cheers! username: wannabe password: sedated
from stepfordtart :
Most splendid confessions. Hoorah for you! s x
from strixia :
Oh, dear gawd, the ponytail holders and the nail polish had me crying! You rock, chica. Love, Mingo McSnarkypants. (Yes, 'tis I.)
from coldandgray :
Your confessional is true genius.
from awittykitty :
Your confessions sound like the premise for its OWN hit show. The only truly evil thing I ever did was give a message to this snotty reporter at our newspaper. He was doing a story about health care and because I was pissed at him, I gave him the phone number to a pet cemetary. He talked a good 5 minutes to the woman before he realized it was a pet cemetary. Hee hee hee. They all deserved it Idiot Milk. Ya done good!!! :-)
from nerryna :
your confessions are awesome.
from beagle47 :
ab positive plasma dude, on a schedule. right there w/ya! man, those free damn twinkies are GOOD too.
from noaddedme :
I'm doing platelets tomorrow (39th time!) Thanks for reminding people to GIVE!
from sarkasmo :
I gave on the 4th. Except, I gave here in Canada, so I don't know if that even counts toward your crisis. I got donut-holes; what did you get?
from smashthegas :
I would give blood, but the last time I gave blood (2001) they told me I was Satan's bastard evil sonand to never darken their doors again. (I ate all the chocolate biscuits.)
from portlypete :
Thanks for the mention. Guess I'll have to tell the (true) tale now.
from beagle47 :
Every time I get a note, or an email from a diaryland person, or someone adds me to their favorite list, I do the retard clap of glee and chortle like three year old with candy. didn't you hear? it's reunion month. c.f. zeroreverb7, exhaust, floodtide, et.al. i am picturing you clapping with glee.
from mens-vereor :
Sometimes I do the taping of the nose thing too in order to entertain my son. He, like your cat, is unimpressed. Some people/things have no sense of humor!!
from somthin :
Thanks, Dearie, I appreciate your steadfast support of my purposeless blather. All Best, JP PS: FYI, I had a pal who was standing in front of his boss, at her desk this was a long time ago, her name was something funny, like Gonilla (they called her Gorilla, apparently, very lazy if you ask me), anyhow, this old chum of mine was talking with this ape person and he scratched his nose without a thought or care. At that moment a dry booger rolled out and landed on her desk. He watched in horror as Gonilla watch the thing bounce around and come to a stop in front of her. They both stared at it for a few very looong seconds. He stated that he almost died on the spot. He could hardly breath, the embarrassment was killing him, also all the laughing, even many hours later. I think that might worse than a tampon but, you know, that's all in the subjective file perhaps.
from jumblygiant :
i was standing near the desk of my boss yesterday and fiddling around with a hair thing (ponytail holder? what are they called?) in my pocket and then, voosh, it flew onto the desk where she was sitting and doing boss things. and all i could think of was "thank god i didn't have a tampon in my pocket."
from sduckie :
In China it is considered a great honor to have a tampon thrust at one's midsection. Just so you know. I think you can go back with your head high.
from bi-pet :
what about either going in disguise or getting home delivery...
from jeffsmith :
I forgot to say: maybe then, the left hand would know what the right hand is doing, right? ;)
from jeffsmith :
Yes! I agree with what you are saying thus: When will people don the 'WWID' bracelet along with the 'WWJD' one? What part of that don't people understand?
from gerg69 :
"Untrustworthy, flappy bastards" are now... (is now? am now?)...my favorite string of words. Ever. Actually I think it's just the word flappy that I like. I'm going to call you flappy from now on. Miss flappy shall be your name and your name shall be Miss flappy. I'll say "helloooo flappy!" Aaaaand I suspect I'll get a slappy in return. But it WILL be worth it. Flappy.
from starbutt366 :
I absolutely love your writings!
from sarkasmo :
Oh, that poor kitty boy is plotting revenge. He's shocked that you'd put a chicken hat on him in the picture, but I can see in his eyes the beginnings of a grudge that will never be forgotten.
from awittykitty :
Cats poop? Why did you have to go and ruin it for me, dammit!
from smokefree-me :
Hee - go here: http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/dachshund They even say it with a German accent!!
from sparkspark :
"You fuck waffle" -- heh heh heh! I like it. I do not, however, like this whole "dash hound" trend. That has got to stop. XO Violet
from herdarlinsin :
You could make an awkward moment at Anger Management priceless lol God love ya'
from captvfirefly :
For those of you still wondering about the "Yummm" commercial.. the lovely Golfwidow emailed me and told me it was for Red Robin. So, there you have it. Mystery solved. (But it still won't leave my head now!)
from sarkasmo :
Still trying to figure out the Yummm, but I had to stop back and say that you are so very correct. It's bad enough that I'm living in Canada and everyone insists on saying "shedule" instead of "schedule". I can't fathom having to hear a noise like "dash-hound". Egads, my spine just twitched when I thought about it.
from captvfirefly :
Damnit, now I've got that "Yummmm" thing in my head, and I can't, for the life of me, remember who's jingle it is (and I thought for sure I knew it. My smugness got the best of me.). And Ted is absolutely adorable! Are the cats still tolerating him? Also, you have, of course, seen that website where people take pictures of themselves giving the bird to Hummers and posting them on the site, right? It's quite amusing, and every time I see a Hummer, I make sure to give the driver the finger. (And I wasn't going to comment, but I hatehatehateHATE "chillax." HATE IT. The next person I hear say it may just get a beat down. So, I'm with you. Stupid fuckers.)
from sarkasmo :
Oh, crap, now I can't remember the jingle that ends in "Yummm..." - I think maybe it's pizza. Snappy Cicada Pizza, no. LaRosa's, no. Donatos, no. Maybe it's not pizza. Crap.
from coldandgray :
I love him so much.
from herdarlinsin :
He's adorable. I think, however, that I have located his sister. She showed up on my front porch 2 weeks ago. They are practically identical. I should took pictures.
from black-bunny :
Oh gawd! He's wonderful! Here I am, I can't decide if my heart is big enough for two kittens, and there's you and your gang... taking in a big wonderful dog... You guys have big wonderful hearts. Seriously.
from herdarlinsin :
I would have called you Splendini.. Sharpie or no Sharpie. Splendini is f'in AWESOME!
from shot-of-tea :
I have to add you to my buddy list now. You had me at tampon.
from bunny828 :
ROFLMAO!!! I have so been there girl. However, I don't think I've ever launched one across a lobby. (I did get to the bathroom and it did not.) And yes, clearly you can not go back to work. Did you call in sick?
from sarkasmo :
Did you show back up at work today? If so, you're brave. Braver than I am. Or would be, if I went around shooting tampons out of my pants legs.
from sarkasmo :
HAAAAA, hahahaha. Hooooooo. Hehe! Oh, man. I'll have to come back later to leave a comment, because I'm just laughing too hard right now.
from herdarlinsin :
Cranky, or 50% happy - either way, you make me laugh. a lot.
from herdarlinsin :
LMAO.. I would have probably tinkled on myself during that tryst.
from beagle47 :
'milk! that's all. bye.
from thatgrrrl :
go to http://www.bobandtom.com/gen3/affiliates.htm and find out if B&T are in your area. I bet they are. They rock. :)
from thatgrrrl :
Heywood Banks!!!! Are you a Bob & Tom fan too?
from rumblelizard :
Thanks :D
from bathtubmary :
'yes, sometimes my lyrics are sexist but you lovely bitches and hoes should know I�m trying to correct this' - i could so easily become mel. xoxo, d
from awittykitty :
I'm a Rockin' Blog Girl too. Gosh, I have ham in my fridge too. I wonder how old it is? I just threw out eggs from April. I need an executive assistant.
from joiedv :
Let's make that 7-7-07, shall we?
from joiedv :
I have dubbed you a Rockin Girl Blogger. Check out my entry of 7-7-08.
from bunny828 :
Have Fun! And personally I think the best vacation would be the one with no prep. You just have enough money to buy everything you need when you get there. Don't you think that's the way it should be?
from bunny828 :
{{{hugs}}} and I hope you heard more about the liver and eye thing.
from sarkasmo :
As someone who used to compose emails in a professional manner for a living, I can say that they get GRADED like elementary school students, except not on grammar. If you know enough to tie up your dangling prepositions, your supervisor will ding you some points because the flow of the letter is stiff and choppy. That does not excuse the piece of manure that was sent to you, though - how can you screw up anything less than 4 sentences?
from loob :
You'll love this. :) http://www.engadget.com/tag/hello%20kitty
from dieselengine :
Congrats on the promotion and raise and assistant and vacation days and extra responsibility. Oh wait. Scratch that last thing. But anyway, good luck, I know you will do a great job!
from mousemilk :
Yo - thanks for asking. It should be at : http://www.opendiary.com/entrylist.asp?authorcode=D356023 If not, I'm mousemilk over there too. d
from coldandgray :
"Why are all the see-saws in the world built for two"
from tiaris :
Sorry about your car but I'm glad my messenger succeeded in his mission: He got you to write, didn't he? I'll have to give him a few extra sunflower seeds today. Heh.
from somthin :
This is difficult .... I f-f-f-fell off a see-saw once, and NOW look at me!
from sarkasmo :
At least it's just a bird that's mad at you (I'm assuming the spider has forgiven you and thanks for making ME paranoid about spiders now). I mean, if it were a PERSON pooping on your driver's seat, that would be way more distressing. And you definitely couldn't use the wind as an excuse there.
from sarkasmo :
You don't need to renew your membership. Use imageshack.us to host your pictures and images for free. Use Flickr. And Haloscan. Don't be fooled into thinking you owe Andrew any money, fool. Or you can go over to, like, Blogger or Livejournal or Wordpress or Typepad or something.
from sarkasmo :
If Michael Tobin had a better music library, I'd be more willing to share my intarwebs with him. Just to make it an international thing, I'm going to start blaming stuff on this guy, too - starting with the emotional immaturity of my mother-in-law. Also, I'm sorry about your hard drive. Was it overloaded with stickies? I think Firefox has something LIKE that, but it's browser-based, not desktoppy. Still an awesome idea, because the sticky part can't get all full of dust and require tape to keep it in place.
from mangofarmer :
I think I might blame things on Michael Tobin now too.
from tiaris :
Thank you, chica. I needed that. The cosmos seem to be on my side, too, as I just heard that Libby was found guilty. Maybe that will give Cheney the heart attack this country so desperately needs.
from chicknamedal :
You crack me up. I really wish you had video of the whole pj/backwards marching/chanting ritual. I have tears just visualizing it...
from sarkasmo :
Never heard about the PJ thing, but it obviously works. I'm like 600 miles away from you and it has snewn nonstop for the past 8 hours.
from haloaskew :
2/13/07: No, no! You can't wish too hard for snow day, or it'll never happen! You have to project an image of calm acceptance...and gather in mind many tasks of the day ahead that you MUST accomplish. You MUST return those Christmas socks at Target. You MUST buy an extension cord for the guest room. You MUST learn how to do latch-hook again and buy a kit. If you believe these things in your heart and soul, it will snow. No cheating! Or that storm system will go 100 miles north. I'm tellin' ya...
from beagle47 :
"...keep your fingers crossed..." paws, dammit. paws. i've got paws!
from beagle47 :
"...keep your fingers crossed..." paws, dammit. paws. i've got paws!
from beagle47 :
2007-01-03 - 1:27 a.m. just proves the point i've been trying to make my entire life: "fucking cats." bet you dollars to donuts that your cat reads that entry and will puke in the same place tomorrow to spite you. quick! there's still time to delete it...
from awittykitty :
My stepfather's siamese once puked in his ear while he was sleeping. He totally deserved it. Good kitty!
from bunny828 :
You make a cute elf. Thanks for the link. I made elves out of a few of my coworkers. They liked it too.
from loob :
Merry Christmas, Lynnda! :D And best wishes for a wonderful New Year!
from heidiann :
Oh thank god. I've been worrying that I'm going to feel exhausted and shitty for the rest of my miserable life. And now I think perhaps I won't! You've managed to make me excited about a horrible sleep study! Yay Lyn!
from beagle47 :
i fuckin' hate cats yet now own two. the beasts are sinister, the way they purr their ways into your hearts only to scratch them out. cat bastards.
from loob :
Lovely new kitty! :) Thought this link might make you laff yer ass off! http://prettyontheoutside.typepad.com/gilmore/skanks/index.html
from juliepoo15 :
Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyy!!!!!! A NEW kitteee-kattt... Yes, she IS ADORABLE. Congratulations.
from oldmaid :
YOU GOT TINY BACK!!!
from cardiogirl :
I'd overlook the fleas and mayhem because of her face. She looks kind of sassy, seems like Ms. Jackson might suit her well.
from herdarlinsin :
"swinging to and fro" that line alone made me giggle. Your humor has always amazed me. How do you do what you do?
from sarkasmo :
Yanno, if she keeps destroying things and bringing mayhem despite your pleas for peace, maybe her name should be Dubya. On the one hand, I think that's terribly clever, but on the other, I don't want anything named after that guy because it'll probably just encourage him. Forget I said anything. I like TK, BoM.
from awittykitty :
Okay, possible working title for your movie about hamsters with lasers: "The Hamsternators". Yes? I haven't eaten breakfast yet. I'll keep working on it.
from hangover :
i don't write, I think aloud. there's probably a difference
from oldmaid :
THANK YOU for calling to tell me about marc's! i actually drove out to target only to find that they were fresh out of borax. i didn't realize it was such a big seller :P anyway, i ended up driving out to marc's, where they were fully stocked! thanks!
from hangover :
WHAT?! I'm devastated
from gerg69 :
Uh, have you considered that the only thing that sucks more than standing in line at a cash register is sitting in line in a car that cant move in a traffic jam?
from sarkasmo :
Your shopping safari sounds like a winner idea. And I agree, like everyone else you talked to, that cell phone drivers are evil, and I can't figure out why anyone does it. I can let it slide for people who use a hands-free set, as long as they use their hands for driving and not for eating or smoking. Oh, and the call should be about something like directions and not just for talking for the hell of it. Your co-worker sounds like she didn't understand what a mean bitch whore she was being to you. I really want to give her the benefit of the doubt, but she said it THREE TIMES. So, to offset the renewed sadness of Richard the Fuckwad's recent demise, I leave you with this thought: Diet Coke custard pie. It could totally happen.
from loob :
Lynnda, Amazon is having a 70% off sale of Sealab 2021 dvds. Thought you might like to check it out. :)
from oldmaid :
eeeew, i totally have carpet beetles! i am going to spend some time researching them, but i'm worried because the some of web sites i've found say things about finding the source of the infestation and eliminating it. the source? does that mean that there's, like, an infested item that has a whole colony of these things in it? ew, ew, ew! but - thanks for the info!!!
from awittykitty :
Geeze, Idiot Milk, you sound like me. Are you sure you're not bipolar??
from monkey-king :
Chocolate tastes like bugs.
from juliepoo15 :
Wow, three wonderful entries in one day... It's true! What MORE could I ask for?! I enjoyed each of them thoroughly. They helped cheer me up, I'm having a shitty day. Your mom sounds so cute, makin' up stuff like that. My mom is like that, too. A silly weirdo. I love it because naturally, I'm the same way... And what an insensitive BITCH you work with. Good answer to her, by the way. She can go suck a lightening bolt. So there! That idea entry was great, too. Customer Service Chow! HAHAHAHA! That shopping safari is my favorite. I can't STAND shopping with the ignorant masses, either.
from coldandgray :
I love that email from your Mom.
from mangofarmer :
I wish my mom were cool enough to make up names for herself.
from loob :
I'm sorry you experienced that. :( You were not over reacting, Lynnda. Not only was that girl a complete bitch to you, but she kept repeating the awful comment, as though she had no soul and couldn�t see how awful it was. When my kitty died, my father in law actually said to me: �I hear your cat got smooshed.� To this day I regret not having punched his fucking face in.
from awittykitty :
Yeah, that was mean about the kitty. Our kitties are our kids, plain and simple.
from raven72d :
And the userpic, too.
from raven72d :
I loved the Six Degrees of Cannibal Corpse entry.
from beagle47 :
well, fuck your guestbook then. it was incredibly rude to me just now. you, on the other hand, gracious. i am slow. er, make that fucking slow. s.l.o.w. but, i sure like you and hope you feel better. platonically typing. but you knew that. i'll type again when you least expect it. hope all is well in the interim. ;)
from captvfirefly :
If I could send some antibacterial diary vibes your way, I so would. I had to laugh at the description of your anticipated meltdown (I'm sorry!), and I don't think I've ever agreed more that someone (you) could actually benefit from flinging some poo. Life has certainly thrown you enough poo lately, so perhaps throwing some back would do some good? I dunno. All I know is, I hope you feel better soon!
from zeroreverb7 :
hugs hugs hugs hugs. Love. chocolate. lots of warming spiked hot chocolate and cookies and hugs and more spiked hot chocolate....mmmwah sweet girl....here's to the end of a very hard year...mwah...
from vintagepearl :
I am sorry to hear about your sorrows, good luck with all. In time, you will heal, and things will get better. They can only get worse for so long until they hit the bottom. Then they can only go up. Take care.
from tiaris :
Just catching up now, lovie. I am sorry to hear about your great aunt. Much love and many hugs to you!
from juliepoo15 :
Well holy shitstains...what the FUCK?! Yea, I guess it comes in three's. Seriously though, enough is enough. I'm so sorry about your aunt and I truely hope you have a better time in life SOON.
from coldandgray :
She sounds like an amazing person, but yes, it is too much.
from red-wine :
What the forking heck, Lynnda? Seriously! End up '06 already, leave the girl alone! But ... sorry about the aunt. She sounds like she was a blast!
from sarkasmo :
Seriously.
from mangofarmer :
I'm so sorry about your aunt. :( I too am praying daily to the Flying Spaghetti Monster to make this year end soon, because, blah.
from oldmaid :
oh, crap. i'm so sorry about your aunt.
from captvfirefly :
I am so sorry to hear about your great aunt. ((((Hugs)))) I wish I had something profound to say that would make it all better. All I can say is, we are just going to assume that 2007 will be light years better than 2006, ok? It totally will be.
from luvabeans :
aw, hell. i'm so sorry, i-m. let's toast to you catching a fucking break in '07. be well.
from sarkasmo :
I'm sorry to hear about Richard, even if he WAS a little shit. Other than being in a strange vet's office, I like to imagine cats drift off to sleep, thinking, "Ooh! Bonus nap!" and then they wake up in a place where no one yells at them for sharpening their claws on the screen. I will hunt down and hurt anyone who tries to convince me it's different from that.
from loob :
I�m so sorry about Richard. It was the caring, loving thing to do, to make his pain stop. Best wishes, Loob
from mangofarmer :
I'm so sorry about Richard. :( I'm sure he's in kitty heaven right now tearing up all the furniture.
from juliepoo15 :
Oh HELL. Poor Richard. I'm sorry, dear. You definately made the right decision. Rest in peice Dickie-pooh.
from bunny828 :
{{{Hugs}}}
from sparkspark :
I am so sorry to hear about your cat. Oh, terrible, scratchy Richard. He sounds like a cat I would have liked. XOXO Violet
from red-wine :
SHIT! Richard? Oh man, that sucks out loud. I for one think you did the right thing. I worked at a vet long enough to know that people extend their pets painful lives more often than they should, just to keep *themselves* from hurting. He's okay now.
from coldandgray :
Damn, that is SO hard. You did the right thing, but how sad.
from oldmaid :
oh no, poor richard. i'm so sorry. he was totally evil, but he'll be missed all the same.
from awittykitty :
even little shits deserve love. Sorry to hear about Richard. ^..^
from twobaddogs :
I think that the word "crucifiction" totally cements your future in marketing. It's the best new word ever.
from innybunny :
hey nice site ur entries make mae laugh XP u can check out my stupid page if u want, its rather lonely and wants cookies. ::inny::
from awittykitty :
crucifiction....Jesus made you spell it like that you know.
from tiaris :
"Jesus says stand up. Jesus says kneel. Jesus says sit down. Jesus says kneel. Stand up. AH HA! JESUS DIDN'T SAY!" Twelve years of Catholic school and Mass every Sunday and on Holy Days of Obligation, here, and your entry came perilously close to making me pee. Now you know why I'm a Unitarian. See, we don't have to be told to stand up and sit down. We think about it, using our intellects, and we decide for ourselves whether it's right to sit, stand, or kneel. Or something. Can we play Jesus Says when I come to town, though? Like, "Jesus says 'drink.'" We can do that, right? Heh.
from bluesunhat :
Your Catholicism: ___ line's good. So's the bit about your being the Jesus for Geeks. Pretty darn good... ^_^
from coldandgray :
Jesus says stand up kneel down was my whole childhood + 8 years of catholic school I barely survived. Thanks for being my geek savior.
from nightmare54 :
"Fuck Waffle"? That is fucking funny! I will steal that to use on the temps!
from rancidbowtie :
Sweet jesus on a stick that entry was amazing. I love your diary. I hope to be able to read it foreveeerr.
from jumblygiant :
After actively hating my co-workers all day long, that was the BEST thing I could have read when I got home.
from sarkasmo :
Dammit, someone already got here and stole "ignorant fuck waffle".
from bathtubmary :
i am sooo stealing 'ignorant fuck waffle.' xoxo, d
from ottodixless :
Dear Pretend Internet Girlfriend, I'll definitely send you all the pretend presents and pretend flowers you deserve. I'm not sure about tattooing your face on me, but I may get it rendered in full life-size across my own face, possibly upside down. You should get a webcam in your fridge. Then you could check for cats wherever in the world you are, as well as seeing how much milk you have, and checking up on whether your cheese is having secret parties while you're out and getting drunk and prank-calling your mushrooms. I would watch it. Although I have to say, your fear of cats in your refrigerator sounds entirely rational.
from ottodixless :
Hi, I bet you'd make an excellent pretend internet girlfriend. You provide the funny more than amply, and I should really have included in my requirements that scotchtape-to-forehead piggy nose thing you mention in your profile. That is more essential than being an orphan. Incidentally, have you ever tried putting your cat in your refrigerator and seeing if he/she could get out, just so you'd know not to worry should it ever happen? (You could turn your fridge off first.) It might at least guarantee your cat never goes near a fridge again.
from f-i-n :
My mom and I have OCD. We check things all the time too--the doors, the locks, the stove, etc. I am learning to deal with it.
from dieselengine :
If you are going to watch cartoons and eat toast, please make sure it is toast with butter and cinnamon and sugar on it. That is what I always prefer when I watch cartoons. And chocolate milk.
from xf0r3verx :
hey there, my name is Larissa. i came across your diary and just wanted to let you know that i really enjoyed reading it. look forward to more entertaining entries =)
from sarkasmo :
KITTY! OMG Kitty kitty kitty! Kudos to you for saving her. I would take her, just to get on my mother-in-law's nerves because we're living with her right now, but I'm sure Canada's got plenty of strays to adopt if I get that wild hair up my ass. And btw, slim jims and nutella count as salty & sweet, but yogurt-covered pretzels cover both bases at the same time. Also btw, when you get married, never eat a peanut butter and pickle sandwich in front of your husband unless you have a negative pregnancy test in your pocket to prove that you just felt like eating peanut butter and pickles.
from loob :
This is absolutely freaky, because when I loaded your page it was 3:30am South Australian time! I hope you get some sleep Lynnda. If not for a little while, have a look at Snarkywood because they did a cool thing on the Emmys fashion. :)
from almost-sane :
I have been reading your blog for a very, very long time and I feel like I know you- at least just a little bit. And I was so heartbroken by the sad news about your dad. My thoughts have been with you and I'm glad to see you are handling it as best one can and it's probably good that your sense of humor is so astute- that'll continue to get you through. All the best. -A.S.
from coldandgray :
You had me laughing & SOBBING & thinking about my Mom who I lost a few years ago. Your dad sounded like a really good man and what you wrote was very special.
from monkey-king :
I finally finished with the whole vacation thing and saw the million other posts that were up by people, decided to ignore most of them and came upon yours. If you need a vacation, I know an island. Sorry, Lumpy.
from nightmare54 :
Now that that is all over with I think you need to get laid!
from tiaris :
Sweetie, I am so very sorry. I know what it's like to lose a parent. Much love to you.
from sarkasmo :
What a good post. I'm sitting here crying because I think you're going through what I imagine I will (hopefully not soon). Anyway, I hate hugging, too. I mean, I don't mind it, but funeral hugs are the worst. I'm not a germophobe, but there are so many runny noses and tissues at funerals...I've gotten pretty sick after the last couple I've been to. And yes, I asked, it's rude to Lysol people before allowing them to hug you, no matter what stage of mourning you're in.
from moebelle :
I am so very very sorry.
from hangover :
I'm very sorry to hear about this, Lynnda. I never know what words of comfort to give. My sympathys go out to you and your family.
from imissfriends :
I am so sorry to hear of your loss .. losing a parent is horrible .. I lost my mother about 2 1/2 years ago .. its still miss her very much ..
from loob :
I am so sorry Lynnda.
from serenaville :
My belated condolences, Lynnda. I wish you strength during this most difficult time, and peace and healing in future. *HUGS* -Serena
from hip2bme :
I'm so sorry for your loss! Warm hugs. Anele xox
from trancejen :
I'm so sorry to hear about your dad. much love.
from glitterbug88 :
I'm so sorry for your loss. You have my deepest sympathies.
from solitus :
Bless your heart... I, too, send you good thoughts and hope you're getting lots of rest. Hugs...
from vintagepearl :
My condolences as well. Stay strong, dear.
from meine-kleine :
I'm so sorry for your loss. Sending you all my good thoughts and condolences.
from sweetsoulsis :
Condolences from a random reader who's enjoyed your witty entries for awhile now: I'm so sorry for your loss. I wish you peace.
from hydrogeek :
So, so, so sorry.
from wildguess :
Another one that you dont know but has been reading your diary for a while. Im sooo soo very sorry to hear your dad died.I Cant really say much that would make things better but know that many people are with you during this difficult moment. Take care of yourself
from oldmaid :
***hugs***
from nightmare54 :
you have my sincere condolences.
from dinosaurorgy :
(Wow.. death sure brings in a lot of mail o_o) I guess that I'll add in my two cents: I'm sorry to hear that your dad died. I've never met the guy before, but I'm sure that the world is recoiling from his loss anyway.
from starke- :
I just want to add my condolences. From what you wrote of your dad, I could tell he was really rad. My thoughts are with you, for real. ♥
from razor-vixen :
I'm so sorry to hear about your dad.
from mangofarmer :
Well, you don't know me either but I've been reading your diary for a while. I am so sorry about your dad...
from ticktrix :
I'm so sorry. I know there's nothing that can be said to help you and your family right now, but you guys are in my thoughts. Take care.
from reynedecoupe :
I'm thinking of you. Sorry for your loss, and the shock of it.
from jumblygiant :
I am so incredibly sorry. For you and your family. Take care of yourselves. Laugh when you can. hugs.
from joiedv :
I am so sorry for your loss. So very sorry.
from saru-san :
I am so, so sorry. I know how horribly you feel, and I wish there was something I... or anybody... could do. Cling to your loved ones... take care of each other, and yourself. Much love...
from xevilsuziex :
I am so sorry. I know you don't know me, but I've been reading your journal forever. When you wrote about your Dad and what he was going through, I wanted to leave a note, to say something of comfort, but had no idea what. (I watched my Dad battle pancreatic cancer for months, so you would think I'd know what to say, but apparantly not, and I'm sorry.) I know that no matter what anyone says, to find comfort will take time, and however long it takes for you is okay. Please know your Dad is at peace now, and take time to remember all the good things his life meant. If you need a "stranger" to talk to, I'm here.
from idiomatic :
sorry to hear it.
from thatgrrrl :
I'm so, so sorry for your loss.
from mixedup :
You don't know me either, but I've been reading your site for years, too. I know there's nothing I can say that can help how you're feeling, but know that you have all of us, and we're here if you need us.
from engelchen :
I'm very sorry. I dont know what else to say. Take Care.
from dieselengine :
I can't possibly imagine how you feel right now. I am so sorry to hear about your dad. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to help you. My thoughts and sympathies for you and your family.
from awittykitty :
Sorry my dear. Thinking of you and your family.
from badbadzoot :
I am sooo sorry, you have my deepest condolences. My heart truly breaks for your loss, stay strong. Much love.... Zoot.
from coldandgray :
My heart goes out to you, I am so sorry. Please know that he will always be with you.
from rabbitwister :
I'm sorry for your loss. May you find peace among your family and friends.
from juliepoo15 :
Awwwww hunny, I'm SO very sorry... I'm just another body in cyberspace, too, but I've really enjoyed reading your diary over the years. Please accept my sincere condolences.
from somthin :
You don't know me but I'm right there with you. JP
from bathtubmary :
i am so, so, so, sorry. xoxooxx, d
from imortlnoctrn :
i'm so sorry. it's been two years tomorrow since my mom died, so i completely understand; if you'd like to talk to a stranger, i'll be around.
from fridayfilms :
Oh my god. I am so sorry. This feels tawdry to leave as a note, and I know we don't know one another except in writing but I'm thinking hard about you. There's nothing else to say.
from herdarlinsin :
I dont know you, but Ive been reading your diary for years, Im so sorry about your father, I wish I had something better to say, but I dont know what to say either way. Im so sorry
from zeroreverb7 :
hi sweetpea..just checking in...sending you lots of love and hugs and hot cabana boys...mmmmmmmmmmwah :) peace
from loob :
You're right, it is a very good sign that your dad can move his toes and hand. All my best wishes and happy thoughts to him and to you.
from red-wine :
Oh gross and nasty and yucky. I'm so sorry Lynnda. Best wishes from me to Daddy Milk!
from coldandgray :
You are right, the Cleveland Clinic is especially great. I am so sorry for what you are going through; it is SCARY & hard & tough & difficult. You need to try and get some sleep so you can build your strength & be there for your Dad & your family. You still have to trust that it is going to be OK; you have to trust that no matter what.
from goingloopy :
That sucks...for your dad and for you and the rest of your family. Hoping for a quick recovery and that, in the meantime, the Universe decides to make everything else in your life good.
from oldmaid :
oh honey, that's awful. *hugs* to you.
from fuzzy-grey :
I'm gonna tell you this because I love ya... You know that sickness (or some other crap) and death is a part of life, right? Yeah, I know you do, but I'm just trying to make a point...Since you know this...it maybe...maaaaaaaaaaybe... a good idea, to not be freaking out right now. I know it's your dad.. your dad.. yes I KNOW it's your dad!! But if he sees how freaked out you are by this very natural part of life.. it's just going to stress him out more. Be strong, little Milky. We all love you, but there are some things you just can't help. You cahn dooeeet!!
from thatgrrrl :
Sending you hugs and healing thoughts to your dad. You're strong, you can handle it, even though you don't want to. Much love....
from imortlnoctrn :
i don't really know you aside from what you write -you're one of few i check d-land for anymore; and you likely don't really remember me -if you ever really knew who i was to begin with... but the following seems mandatory, as i know how you feel: ::HUG::
from zeroreverb7 :
First: I Love You...my shoulder is available...my heart is yours to dive into. Second: I still love you..just like I did three seconds ago..no..wait...I Love you Even More Now! Third: I wish I could quit my job and become your very own personal burden carrier... You are Lovely and Im sorry for all of that pain that you are carrying.....throw some of that over here....it's just too much for one person. You are a lovely and Beautiful Person.......hugs hugs hugs hugs hugs mmmmmmmmmwah....peace...:)
from awittykitty :
Yeah its hard when those people who loomed so large in our lives, our parents, are suddenly so fragile. My Dad had Alzheimer's and suddenly I became the parent. It was weird. So I will be thinking good thoughts for your Dad AND for you. Because why? Because I think we frequently forget to wish good thoughts for the people coping with a sick person and I think they actually need it more sometimes. Take care.
from coldandgray :
I get very angry every morning that I have to be responsible and get up. One of my coworkers is a chronic oversleeper & often does not get in until 2pm. So unfair. Now I am going to check that website to see what I can make with just Egg whites, ketchup and Ho Ho's.
from sarkasmo :
But it was Marjorie Hovercraft o'clock! Sheesh! Hey, my sister works at a children's hospital in the research dept, maintaining the giant mouse farm, and she doesn't have set hours. There IS no "late". As long as she puts in 40 hrs a week, she can just show up whenever. That's the way they should all be, yes? ...And MY blog's not defunct. If you go there you get a link to the real thing. PS, I got sedatives for the cats. Moving to Canada's going to be two cats less stressful, but just wait til they wake up!
from awittykitty :
Wasn't Marjorie Hovercraft the maid on the Jetson's? I could just be delirious from the humidity, don't mind me.
from dinosaurorgy :
I think that there's only really been once that I can recall skimming through your entries. Believe it or not, some of your readers (like me?!) enjoy seeing long entries.
from vintagepearl :
Dumbass banes!
from discodave :
Evil bastards, yes. Hey, at least you don't have to pay for the privilege of watching your terrestrial networks, like we do with the BBC. Yeah, they produce programmes that kick seven shades of shit out of most of the dross we get, but hell, we've PAID for it. Dxx
from sarkasmo :
I was totally prepared for Packet to hate me, but she didn't, really. After the initial, "I hate you because you took me to strangers and left me there and they totally put roofies in that drink and NOW LOOK AT ME!" --well, somehow I was quickly forgiven. My parents' cat is the same way. When her fur is long and full of mats, she's so shy and has self-esteem issues. When she gets shaved, and the drugs wear off, she becomes Miss Self-Confidence: Pet ME! Stroke my velvet-like pelt, damn it! ...I didn't think Packet would be like that, but she did. The lack of fur meant that she would get chilly and start to shiver when we began using the air conditioner, but that just meant she'd kick Mister off my bed at night so that she could soak up my heat. There was a big personality change for the better.
from nightmare54 :
I'm all for some naked boobies!!
from coldandgray :
So scary about your Dad. Glad he insisted on getting help and that they figured it out. (I did read to the end, by the way).
from dinosaurorgy :
I'm still reading :) (and never fear, I'm not waiting for titty pictures, I see that enough these days as is!)
from loob :
"He just kept staring at me balefully from under the coffee table, betrayal in his little kitty eyes." heeheeh! And totally planning your demise. Look out for those ornaments on high shelves.
from irreverent1 :
Hey, I'm still reading. (formerly captvfirefly) I'm happy to hear about your dad being released from the hospital. I'm SO glad that someone finally figured out what the hell was wrong and fixed it. I hope his new doctors are smarter. And? I seriously laughed my ass off reading about the cat trimming. I could almost see the look of kitty despair in his eyes from your description. Yes, that was damn funny.
from sarkasmo :
I took my cat to get shaved last month, and I took pictures. They had to sedate her to do it, because she's like your guy with the teeth and claws and bloodshed and whatnot. Anyway, if you feel like laughing at a funny looking cat, go here: http://sarkasmo.blogspot.com/2006/06/caution-pictures-of-shaved-pussy.html
from artgnome :
Your father's story is unfortunately not a new one to me. I'm hearing more and more about people being overprescribed and wrongly prescribed. Too many pharmaceuticals making way too much money. As for the cat, I know this rich guy whose cat goes to the groomers for that same mat treatment. the cat is regulary shaved, somewhat like a poodle, to combat the problem. It's a wonderfully strange and funny solution to the dread mats.
from zeroreverb7 :
i love you. :) hugs peace
from loob :
I have a heart murmur too! They discovered it when I was four. All it has ever meant in my life is that I have to remember to tell doctors about it, if I need surgery, like when I had my tonsils out. :) I know this probably wont cheer you up excessively, but Amazon.co.uk is bringing Green Wing series 2 out on dvd in October. http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/B000FQIRT0/202-6877838-0432608?v=glance&n=283926&s=gateway&v=glance
from vintagepearl :
Life lesson number 399: Television is a hodge podge of awkward silence and screaming fans.
from discodave :
I'm actually bitter. BBC America shows shows from other TV channels, plus all the good stuff they make themselves (well, let's ignore Ground Force, ok?)... bastards. Green Wing is fantastic. Dxx
from oldmaid :
i hope they can figure out what's wrong with your dad and make him better. it's totally awesome that he calls his portable iv his robot!
from starke- :
Your dad RULES.
from sarkasmo :
The Sta-Puft Marshmallow Man.
from sarkasmo :
Oh, man. And you know, even if you HAD told her, it wouldn't have been as funny to her. We only think it's hilarious because reading it means we don't have to make eye contact while you relay a story about daydreaming about penis envy...if only for the purpose of ending a meeting more quickly.
from loob :
"...And I imagined dick tagging the useless fuckers..." I think that�s also called a turkey slap! :D
from sarkasmo :
I have a bike.
from golfwidow :
Oh, my gourd, Kyle XY is your dad?
from golfwidow :
Courage vibes re your dad. I wish I had something more constructive. All I have is a bonus bonus for the cat/cell activity: take bets on which cat will jump higher.
from sarkasmo :
Your dad will be fine, and I don't think I know anyone who's ever had hepatitis, so I can't even inadvertently impart doomy news about it. Because I'm that person, and I apologize profusely for when I do that. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to call my cats. :D
from dieselengine :
I hope your dad gets better, I am sure he will! Just hang in there. And no a side note, I am totally doing that kitty experiment. Lucky for me we have TWO cats and TWO cell phones...I shall watch the fun begin!
from rumblelizard :
Oh shit! You took the red pill!
from reynedecoupe :
I loved this entry. What a powerful way to start my day, thank you :)
from tiaris :
Sing it! I'm mad as hell and I'm not gonna take it anymore!
from monkey-king :
I have an excuse! I was living in England when they had the Mad Cow outbreak, and was told when I returned that they WON'T take my blood. Just to make you even more pissed off, may I suggest the documentary "The Corporation"? No? Well, up yours, then.
from golfwidow :
You need a drink, and if I were there, I'd be buying.
from bunny828 :
Alright Madonna, I'll be sure to avoid your-underwear-on-the-outside-self today. BTW: Thanks for the imagine of lightup bras. Would they light up all the time or only when there is movement (like the light up shoes)?
from loob :
I want to apologise profoundly first, and then tell you that I laughed and laughed and hurt my stomach, over your poor cold n fluey self. And get well soon! :)
from sarkasmo :
Oh, man. You just told teh intarwebs that you farted.
from coldandgray :
Your brother probably licked your beverage around the cup lip in response to your comment.
from vintagepearl :
Feel better. High five!
from sarkasmo :
Feel better!
from oldmaid :
I SO NEED TO GO TO THE MUTTER MUSEUM!!! also, i noticed that there's a room they rent out for weddings. i'm going to assume it's not a room with exhibits. but still. i can't even imagine.
from hip2bme :
Oh, you're so lucky! I'm so fucked up I don't even have childhood comfort food to save me! Hugs!
from golfwidow :
This is the second place I've seen a post about English muffin pizzas today. I think it's a Sign.
from oldmaid :
you've replaced *toilets* and *showers*? lord, if we ever tried to do that we'd probably end up burning the house down. i don't know how, but we'd find a way!
from dinosaurorgy :
About The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown pretty much said that none of his ideas were new at all, I myself have heard a lot of the theories used in the book/movie(/game?). I just saw that movie a few hours ago: personally I found it nifty.. but I wouldn't tromp all the way to France to go looking for the Magdalene just because of this stuff. Yes, it's fiction - I'm glad that other people know and remember that!
from vintagepearl :
Thank you for recognizing that fact as well - the book is FICTION and therefore shouldn't be all "Oh my God! Look what Dan Brown did!" Because it's a well written, entertaining book, and not like the guy developed the theories himself. Whipcha.
from behindtheat :
I'm in town but not the one going through the archives, just a regular fan. Good lucking finding the stalker. -Brian-
from awittykitty :
Yeah, I have some snoop here in town reading me too. I hate that. Good luck with the disappearing clothes thing. Personally I think its alien abductions.
from vintagepearl :
I enjoyed the longest run-on sentence ever.
from golfwidow :
My Friend Who Isn't But Is Sort Of is bad to do that. Insults my shit then, when I apologize for having been upset by him insulting me, says, "Oh, that's okay, I guess you were having a bad day." NOTHING about "Oh, and I guess I shouldn't have insulted you, huh?"
from loob :
Yes indeed! Ohmygod, I have had that very same frustrating argument scenario many times, but in my particularly delightful situation, the psycho-meltdown-freak is my mother. And yes, after she freaks out she tells everyone it was my fault. Every time. Without fail.
from somthin :
You are describing my last 5 days however you'd need switch, oh let's say, about 5 different people in the role of unstable freak. One a day, like vitamins. yum.
from beagle47 :
fuck yeh! on the bills. i feel good about that for you. cash-n-carry now, with the exception of that house you were going to buy...
from plopphizz :
Congrats, you have been Quoted: http://quoted.diaryland.com/mothers_day.html. Thanks for the great writing. -- Ploppy.
from loob :
Better even than Ben & Jerry's? Because they used to do one called "From Russia With Buzz" which was just the most fabulously full-on coffee icecream I've ever had! :)
from vintagepearl :
Did you throw up in your mouth more about that entry or the time you had Mexican candy? Ah, well, good to know Jenni's Ice Cream is swell, it certainly makes up for that Mexican candy.
from dieselengine :
Jeni's Lemoncillo with dried cranberries in it is divine...it is also easy to rationalize that it is healthy since it has lemons and cranberries in it. That is one of my favorites for sure!
from vintagepearl :
I imagine my life like that when I'm older. Except instead of marshmallows it will be ramen noodles and instead of Chubby Bunny it will be You Dumbass.
from vintagepearl :
MySpace. Haha.
from awittykitty :
I think that mc dreamy guy TOM on MySpace might have just slightly more people on his Extended Network, but I think he's kinda slutty.
from poolagirl :
My God! Your entry on Mexican candy made me laugh until I almost fell off my chair! I totally agree with everything you said. Have you tried their delicious salted plums yet? GAAAAAAAAA!
from sarkasmo :
So I guess you're not interested in jellied tequila worms either, then?
from mindsuck :
I'm still trying to get my head around how many licks it takes to get to the centre of a sweet, yet oddly tasteless lollipop with a cayene centre..... So glad I clicked....
from thatgrrrl :
No, it's Australians that have the absolute WORST ON THE PLANET candy. One word: musk. And they try to fool you by putting it in a pink LifeSaver-ish looking thing. Consider yourself warned!
from vintagepearl :
I enjoyed that letter to the Mexicans. I thank you, for now I know not to try Mexican candy, I'll spare myself some unneeded agony.
from officehours :
Your banner found me as I was lost and wandering in the desert of my bordom then it led me out and straight to you. (bless its little inanimate object's heart). I just wanted to let you know that I am Mexican and I agree whole-heartedly with you about that fucked up candy and chili thing. I think the/(my?) 'raza' just has a really fucked up sense of humor.
from beagle47 :
bah! how the hell are you? oh, wait, that's my banner up there. i've got to click it and make myself feel banner worthy. great knowing you. really.
from awittykitty :
Clonopin. It helps. An uzi . Even better.
from zeroreverb7 :
well fine. I mean ok! I will email it. Stop Yelling! I know I know You aren't Yelling...Ok..I will stop writing you a note now!!! (what are you sending me???) i heart you by the way ! mwah and peace
from loob :
Heee! Check this out! :D http://www.dailysixer.com/hoffsoap.shtml
from golfwidow :
Saucy, red and loving tomatoes, the girl with lycopenema goes walking ... Sorry. I'll come in again.
from awittykitty :
You've topped yourself. Loved your checks entry. Heh! I was going to say, "Noone is funnier on D'land" but I figured you hunt me down and kick my ass.
from sunshine0221 :
I am in awe of your retail therapy skilz. Although a few years back I was in San Francisco and spent so much money VISA thought my card had been stolen:)
from serenaville :
'There is only one correct answer to the question, �What do you wanna do with your life?� and unless you�re sitting there banging your head, you don�t know it.' Genius. I am SO quoting you, in my diary. My fealty to you knows no bounds. ;D
from ottodixless :
Hi. I've had a pizza losing its topping over the oven and floor as well, though luckily that week it was 2 for the price of 1 so I was able to heat up the other one. Cooking is far too dangerous, which is why I prefer to leave food in the fridge till it goes bad, then throw it out.
from zeroreverb7 :
I Love You too! mmmmmwah peacers sweet and beautiful woman!
from awittykitty :
My hairdresser Frank was once featured on a lifestyle segment on the news and used me as his haircutting model. Seeing it was horrifying though. The camera did extreme close-ups of my chin and eyebrows while he was cutting. BUT at least the haircut was free. YAY!
from sarkasmo :
Guess who's going to a Blue Jackets game in Columbus next Thursday? And who may need to visit Rebecca, the awesome hairstylist?
from zonoria :
NARTH. Ohmigawd, what deviants they are.
from fridayfilms :
Ha I'd completely forgotten about Eugene Merman. It's hours of stupid good fun. Well, one hour. I'm trying to type this off my matress, which is incidentally right on my floor, where the laptop is sitting. I even sleep with this thing.
from zonoria :
HAPPY BIRTHDAY! That is all. Carry on.
from sunshine0221 :
I am glad you were (sort of) able to make Limewire your bitch - and that was FUNNY. I have to laugh at myself when I get pissed that an, errr free, download doesn't work right, because who the hell do you complain to?
from bethany9 :
you're precious.
from f-i-n :
Cat food in your nose? I can only imagine.
from zeroreverb7 :
I LOVE YOU MORE THAN MY LUGGAGE MILKYWOO!!!! its true. :) MMMMMMMMMWAH!!!! :) peace
from monkey-king :
Well, I can't actually write my name in the snow. 'Cause I'm in Hawaii.
from monkey-king :
I actually get multiple orgasms. And without the PMS. And yes,I know you didn't need to know that.
from awittykitty :
at least you know what cats are thinking. Dogs are just dumb and complacent. And they're always happy to see you, which I find kind of annoying.
from goingloopy :
Yes, and the upchuck is never in shoes that can be cleaned effectively...and it's always your favorite ones.
from nightmare54 :
your spectral analysis looks like a Uterus!! I think you should see a Dr.!!
from barelytzu :
My spectral analysis is a bunch of green arrows, like chevrons. They're pointing downwards. Uh oh.
from golfwidow :
Your spectral analysis looks like a green butt. But mine looks like a smeared blue bolt, so whatevs.
from f-i-n :
That part about the cat with the soft head is really funny. I loved it.
from golfwidow :
I found some tomato, basil, and garlic pita chips without transfat that don't make me not miss the Cheese Nips, but do make me miss them less.
from loob :
I suggest getting a variety of different coloured sharpies and scribbling on your pill bottles. Then you just have to remember a colour code. :)
from zonoria :
It's nice to know that there's ONE game you can't inadvertently delete.
from zeroreverb7 :
oh my god what day is it? Lynnda day is coming..I can feel it....:) I Love this entry of yours...I do really believe that A Soft Cat should and could save the world. I Love YOU! Hugs Mwah Peace
from barelytzu :
You are so going on my favorites list. Awesome journal. And yes, Thundercats Ho.
from loob :
My cat is like that, she would rather climb into a box of drill bits and screwdrivers and have a sleep there, than curl up on a fluffy blanket. :)
from goingloopy :
At least your cat doesn't impersonate a kitchen or bathroom rug. That is one of my cats' favorite trick...particularly when I am trying to put on makeup, brush my teeth, or make coffee. The other two prefer spots like the exact center of my bed and my computer chair if I get up to go to the bathroom.
from ottodixless :
I used to eat the whole apple, pips and nasty plasticky bit around the core and all; I used to be really obsessed with eating lots of apples, though now that's all gone and I peck a bit and return to chocolate. And do you really want to know Barbra Streisand's weird habits? They probably involve sacrificing puppies and putting her hand inside their lungs.
from candoor :
it figures I'd stop by when your pillows were hanging out... your sense of humor makes the world a much better place... ok, so do your pillows ;)
from nightmare54 :
" Not that, you know, anyone cares" Well I for one do care and I really wish that next time you decided to hang out your "dirty pillows" you will have the decency to take some snapshots for the cleaveage-less masses out here.
from gwtw :
no pictures? damn.....
from drahmaqueen :
Lucky dog. If I had 'em, I'd be showing them to everyone. Enjoy!
from black-bunny :
I seem to remember a short story called "Man of Steel, Woman of Kleenex" that discussed that very issue...
from golfwidow :
.:snork:. Faster than a speeding bullet, indeed.
from golfwidow :
Muppets don't eat. They have no appetites. Hell, if I had to go through life with someone's hand up my butt, I'd have no appetite either.
from meine-kleine :
My bet is on chemical things. Sucralose, maybe? Or would the sugar cane muppets be freaked out by what is essentially bad cloning? ...Toxic waste? I'm sure Beaker's in on it. It could also explain his speech problem, but that's a whole other dealy.
from awittykitty :
I think muppets are vegan, so they probably eat soy-based muppet kibbles.
from seven-point5 :
If only he had been attractive or I had been drunk.
from wellyesbutno :
<3 neutral milk hotel Feel better, missus. And also, I'm not sure if you know, but grapes are a great home remedy for migraines and headaches.
from nightmare54 :
I used to be the morning show host on 101.5 Krock. Medium market, middle of know where Kansas. But we still got state recognition. It was fun. Email me and I'll tell you all about it.
from zeroreverb7 :
Could you be Any Cooler? I forgot you were a dj in college. God! You are so Freaking Cool! :) Hugs!!! love and peacers
from artgnome :
I also had the dreaded herpes simplex 1 as a kid. I've only had two major outbreaks in my lifetime, enough to make sure I take care of myself and get...my...sleep! It's some painful shit and mine also went down my throat and over my vocal chords, rendering me speechless through both durations. agh. nasty stuff.
from zeroreverb7 :
Isn't Trishtastic of diarlyand fame a super rocking dj in Columbus??? You two should hook up...She is Awesome and Your are Hot..so its like...I feeeel the magic. I want to hug you and drink lots of martinis with you...that would save my life I think. Hugs Hugs Hugs! :) Love and Peace
from loob :
"David Hasselhoff is Hooked on a Feeling. Now I see why he`s such a big star in Germany." http://www.i-am-bored.com/bored_link.cfm?link_id=15042
from sarkasmo :
When I quit smoking (3 years in March YAY), I blew bubbles. Have I already proselytized my smoke-quitting techniques here? Wellbutrin and bubbles. I took Wellbutrin for about 2-3 months, maybe 4, and when I got the urge to smoke, I'd blow bubbles. Pretty, and the cat was highly amused.
from awittykitty :
Five years ago I was diagnosed with diabetes (the kinds without insulin). It freaked me out so much I stopped eating all the bad crap and lost 45 pounds. Guess what? No more diabetes! Just something to ponder. Good luck!
from zeroreverb7 :
Brilliant!
from loob :
I agree, that is absolute genius!! And the entire execution of the plan must have been fantastic fun! I've had those gift-giving difficulties myself many times, and if you don't mind I'd like to copy your technique next time!
from vodkavases :
i agree... the underwear was the best gift in the world... if not only for the good amount of sisterly torture that was included in gift... the torture from my brother?? a 'letters to god' coloring book wrapped and then vacuum sealed in a tostidos bag... not nearly as cool... keep up the good work :D
from wiccaloser :
I truley adore the underpants gift, just thought I would say. And Next year or Birthday...er... whatever; if you have to get him a gift, check out these sites www.thinkgeek.com www.jinx.com they are both geek and gamer sites, my best friend is just like your brother.
from golfwidow :
Genius.
from zeroreverb7 :
I totally Love You. Not only because you are smart and beautiful..no..not just because of that. Maybe its because you are so Fun and Lovely. Hmmm...Or Maybe its because you can so easily make me feel so much better..when Im so down. I don't know how you do that Every time...But you do. If I could make the world notice you I would..I would put you on CNN and tell them all....That You are the reason the world should keep spinning...Because You are truly An Amazing and Wonderful Person...and I think it sucks that we both fell asleep on new year's eve :).....(any day now Im going to quit my job and sleep on your porch) Thanks for always sharing the best part of You Lynnda...I heart you madly!!!!! Hugs MMMMMMWAH Happy New Year!!!!! Peace!!!!
from bindyree :
Happy New Year! I'm glad you're on my Buddy List! ♥
from zonoria :
You know, I just read your profile--all the favorite movies and stuff. You kill me! P.S. It's okay to take the old place off your list. This way you can make room for another 'tard, er, writer.
from loob :
Oh, that holiday house in Costa Rica looks so awesome!!! You're so lucky!! :D
from nightmare54 :
Merry Xmas I M! I hope Santa brings you all that you need!
from loob :
"4. This last one is silly and will likely tarnish the reputation for cold-hearted cynicism that I work so hard to maintain, but whatever. I make it a point to compliment complete strangers." Me too! heh Now I feel less of a weirdo, because you do that too! I feel like that too, that if you're thinking something nice about a person that you should also actually tell them. It makes everybody feel good. And like you said, it could be the one bright spot in their day.
from loob :
Oh god, I laughed myself sick over that Chuck Norris page! I'm in physical pain now. That was fantastic! It's Christmas day here now, so Merry Christmas Lynnda! May you have just the most fabulous day, and a wonderful New Year into the bargain!
from muxxie :
Comstock of anti-porn fame? That's sad. I wouldn't tell people that. He set birth control back a century because of that bullshit.
from diaryquotes :
This is where I wish Dland had trackbacks so that I could ping you with the entry I just did that looks remarkably like this. Oh, and also, I tell people "SURE!" when they want to put something on hold, and then two hours later I put it back on the shelf. Because there's no use in explaining it to them. I do not relish working the day after Christmas.
from awittykitty :
thanks for reminding me why I'm no longer in retail.
from serenaville :
The only thing that could make that list more perfect, would be Chuck Norris exacting his dread revenge on Billy Ocean, for ever recording 'Carribean Queen'. Still, I think I just dislocated something, for laughing so hard. Yow. :D
from loob :
This might give you a smile. Happy Christmas too, hope you have an excellent season and New Year! http://www.stuffonmycat.com/index.php?startpos=40
from fridayfilms :
I'm sorry, that's awful. I've only been with my coworkers for nine or so months and I can't even imagine any one of them passing on (though a few of them are at that age, nearly).
from beagle47 :
my december 14, 2005 entry - your guestbook entry served as a sparkly inspiration! gracias, senorita.
from golfwidow :
I'm really sorry. I've lost two coworkers like that and it's always a shock.
from awittykitty :
Man, that's so random. Sorry you had to deal with that. I lost a coworker once, but it was shortly after I had left a job. We had even gone to a comedy show together. He was only 26. I think your company should at least let you acknowledge the loss somehow.
from oldmaid :
so sorry to hear about your coworker. very sad, and also weird and hard to deal with.
from zeroreverb7 :
Im so sorry Lynnda..hugs hugs mmmmmmmmwah peace
from beagle47 :
i bought you a drink but since you're not here to drink it i had to take care of that for you. next one's on you. we need it today.
from ker :
The phone # for the Future Shop near where I work is 416-GAY-CLUB. Of course, I work at Best Buy, so that cracks me up every time.
from rabbitwister :
So, where did you want the Republicans to line up?
from drahmaqueen :
I'm #10 into my box of Tampex. I love you too. xxoo argh!
from golfwidow :
I think that, by definition, you should pretty much rule out as a "hobby" anything that cannot fill in the blank, "What's new with me, Grandma? Oh, well, for starters, I've taken up ______________."
from fridayfilms :
Hey Ms. Milk. Thank you for the add. I love your layout and your content is hilarious. I'm sorry about your cat though. Kitties have teeny tiny little brains and who knows what pushes them over the edge? Good luck in calming him down.
from zeroreverb7 :
Happy Thanksgiving Sweet Pea!!!!! Love YOU!!!! HUGS!!!! mmmmmmmmWah!!! (sings) You are so beautiful to meeeee...cant you seeeeee? :) hugs love peace
from loob :
You should do your parents the favour of just confiscating that new-fangled tv. While they're away, maybe. It's just going to confuse them and stuff with it's overly-large new-fangledness. Save them the inevitable stress and headaches!
from nightmare54 :
I have seen this behavior before, just not in cats. It is the way prisoners act the first time they have beenm ass raped. Could the other cats have sodomized this poor guy?
from wellyesbutno :
I used to have four cats, and after my family and I moved to a new house, one cat (male) started attacking another cat (female, the youngest of all four). They were fine with each other before, but at the new house the male cat would just start hissing and biting and scratching at the other cat. The other two (both girls) didn't have a problem with either one of them, and vice versa. I had to keep the boy in my room the whole time to keep him from attacking the little one.
from ticktrix :
I have two cats now, but at one point I did have three. Two harassed the third and I think it was because the third was not healthy. A trip to the vet may be in order. Let us know how it goes.
from goingloopy :
I have three...but I've never heard of anything like that. I would just haul him to the vet...which sucks, because that's expensive. I hope he's okay and will just get over his freaky asshat routine.
from hydrogeek :
Nasty crack! BWAHAHAHAHA!
from bluemeany :
HAHAHAHAHAAAA! NASTY CRACK!
from beltwaybelle :
GREAT. You had to mention zits. And then I had to think about them. And now... JUST GREAT, OKAY? JUST GREAT!!!!!!!
from awittykitty :
I had a series of zits, resembling the Himalayan mountains form around the rim of my nostril this week and I damn near needed surgery to maintain an air passage way. It just ain't fair, is it?
from bunny828 :
LOL! You are one sick pup!
from beltwaybelle :
When the Pill GAVE me zits, I told my gyno that one should not have zits and wrinkles on the same face.
from beagle47 :
if that is lulu's in San Francisco...it is on the 10 damn coolest dinner experiences on earth list. go. now. take 'milk and zeroreverb7. 'milk? <insert all the things i could not write because it would totally be misconstrued here>. but, yeh, i really do. and, thank you thank you thank you!
from oldmaid :
why yes, i have been to lulu's once or twice. but it is certainly not in our usual rotation, and i would love to go back. another friend is interested in going as well. i have emailed the both of you!
from candoor :
you remain brilliant, sensitive, and amusing (to understand you :)
from zeroreverb7 :
oh man....Lynnda...I love ya...here is a big hug from far away...so sorry you are going through all of this bs. You are Beautiful!!! smooches Hugs
from zeroreverb7 :
You know...I pay all the time. And I think I do it...because Im so worried that the guy will think Im trying to take something from him. Im serious. I think Ive had maybe two dates in my entire life paid for. Not that I date alot...but...wow. Great Article. Love YOU Hugs Hugs Hugs
from zeroreverb7 :
That old lady was asking for it. You know. Karma and All. Just comfort yourself in knowing that whatever that heithan old woman did in her former life(or this one...those poor starved grandbabies!!!) she probably deserved it. You are just the messenger of God's Almighty Hand. :) LOVE YOU YOU WONDERFUL WOMAN! hugs hugs peace
from joiedv :
Oh you poor little key-slinging thing you. Maybe you should take all these stories and turn your life into a sitcom. I HAVE SEEN WORSE!
from beagle47 :
disappointed? in me? join the club! it's a big one. in fact, i think all who are disappointed in me should establish a religion based on the faith that i will disappoint, claim tax-exempt status, start broadcasting some disappointed sermons over cable television and make a million dollars or some obscene sum close thereto. you have my permission and hopefully the profit will serve as my personal recompense for all the disappointment i have caused in this world. just make sure you make a small annual donation to the ASPCA, eh? (hehehehehe - i made myself laugh at the expense of your notes - hello '-Milk! hope all is well!).
from muxxie :
I looked into the clothing moth thing on Friday. Our bug guy told me that they feed on natural fibers, hence why they ate your wool stuff, and you'd be better off wearing nylon or polyester stuff until you're sure they're gone. From the story, he thinks you've probably just got another bug in there that looks similar to a clothing moth and you're paranoid about having them again so you're freaking out. Its hard to be sure though so he said, if you wanted, you could mail me a sample and we'd ID it and go from there. We can recommend a pest control company in the area too, though he'd like to make sure you really have the clothing moths again before going further. If you're interested, email me at [email protected] and I'll send my address and some tips on how to get a good sample size without damaging it and we'll go from there. *trying to help ya!*
from zeroreverb7 :
Im so pissed off right now. What is this person's phone number. i mean seriously. Jeeez. Horsecrap Man! Total Horse poo. Im mad. Bah. He/she has no idea just how Freaking Awesome you are Lynnda. And you are. Very Very Cool...and very good looking...:) Love You Sweet Girl Hugs Hugs peace
from awittykitty :
You've definitely got a case of total sucktitude there, Ms. Idiot-Milk. And it sounds remarkably similar to what happened to me. I requested Christmas to New Years week off in June. Boss said yes. Week before Christmas. Him: Oh.My.God. You must work that week! You have to do a 125 page church directory to put together. The one I should have done the last week of November if my boss hadn't had his head up his ass. So I did it. But I was a totally miserable, scornful bitch the entire week. I lost my vacation pay too, since it had to be used before New Years. We just aren't appreciated. Sigh.
from bluemeany :
Man. That's some rough shit. You might as well be in the Army, with THAT kind of ass-fucking. I'm sorry. That sucks booty.
from drahmaqueen :
My dear, I have two comments: 1) I have decided that you are the funniest human on the earth and 2) I shouldn't read your posts while drinking liquid. I could ruin my computer, since I tend to spew it out my nose with my uncontrollable laughing fits from your writing. That you for the smile break. I will keep on reading. It has been WAY too long since I have been on. Jen
from drahmaqueen :
THAT is a load of crap!!! I wish for you that your boss would grow some balls and get you what you deserve. Has he always been this spineless?
from muxxie :
Ok, girl I am on this for ya. I'm taking this whole horror story to work (I do pest control remember?) and sharing it with our bug guy. I'm guessing you didn't treat your bed and that's where they went, but that's a pure guess. I haven't heard of a closet moth infestation that bad, but its a first time for everything. Look at the bright side, you don't have bedbugs. Just one of those can live 18 months without feeding and reinfest your whole house and they hide EVERYWHERE. They're quite the bastards. Anyway, not to laugh at your misery, but you gave me a great case study so I'll try to find you an answer. PS I want an invite to the next big drinking party for this!
from golfwidow :
Get some cedar blocks. When they stop smelling cedar-y, rub them with sandpaper to renew them.
from bluemeany :
Dude. That is too horrifying for words. I nearly leapt up from my desk and ran around screaming just READING about it. I suggest burning your house down.
from hydrogeek :
I could be wrong, but I think moth balls only repel the bugs, they don't kill them. Maybe there is some sort of bub bomb/fogger you could set off to kill the remainder of the bugs, then keep up with the moth ball related products to keep them away? Or there's always that whole gasoline/fire thing.
from beltwaybelle :
I thought you had a cat. Can you just throw the cat at them? Hey, have you ever smelled mothballs? "Yes." Well, how'd you get their tiny little legs apart? Running along now.
from oldmaid :
eeeeew, bugs. i don't know how to get rid of them, but to keep them from eating your woollens, dry clean your wool clothes and then store each item in an individual ziplock bag with a cedar block (or mothballs. but the mothball package says they're poisonous. so i use cedar). someone also suggested that, after cleaning the entire closet and everything in it, you repaint the closet. i had them in my last apartment, and they are icky, icky, icky.
from juddhole :
You betcher sweet asstock that yer talkin' bout my sweetass too. Bah, who keeps track of damn names? You think mine's really JUDD? It's WELLHUNG. Yeah it is.
from bluemeany :
I knew I could count on you to help fill my OH SHIT THAT'S FUCKING NASTY quotient today. Thanks, you're an angel!
from juddhole :
I'm all about serious blogtime lovin, and even tho it's none o' mah bidness, tell me you and Gergins are all googly, even if it's a lie... I just love gettin' all schmoopie, and if you two are holidayin' together, I wanna envision some bumpitybumpity... sans cats.
from beagle47 :
you frickin' so kick-ass for keeping me on the list. e-mail beagle47ataoldotcom and i'll give you a special password just for you.
from fly-4-rinos :
It's safe to say, that I find you funny and awesome. Thr33 thumbs up. :D ha!
from zeroreverb7 :
thank you for my note booboo...I Love you too...and I sure hope to the gods that you feel better...And...most importantly..You aren't Crappy. No...You are Wonderful (dont argue with me) I heartily look forward to mochatinis..your amazing cookies..finger puppets and cartoons...that sounds like gods great heavenly promise to me :) Big LOVE hugs peace
from zeroreverb7 :
tonight would have been the perfect night to go and eat chocolate with you. How are you? Love and Hugs and all that stuff superwoman Peace :)
from candoor :
I wish your sister many happy days on Jeopardy.. about the odor, maybe the gnats were usuaing peroxide too?... or they might have had some bad beans the night before and passed a lot of gas... I hear gnat farts can be deadly when they swarm...
from zeroreverb7 :
Jeopardy...that is so cool. that makes me think of that saturday night live sketch! "Eat it Trebeck!" ahahahhaha. Hey. so. Like. You are the most coolest person ever in the entire universe. have i told you that? And you are So Hot! yeah baby! :) Im not sure if im getting a vacation now....you know how retail is. but if I can...I will wear my costume on the airplane. Lots of Hugs and smooches (you really are very awesome) peace
from bluemeany :
JEOPARDY!! Can I be your sister's BFF? I am in love forever with Jeopardy.
from muxxie :
You could be the singer for the metal band Blender Meat. Metal singers really don't have to be good. They can make up the difference with yelling/screaming and I'm sure you'd be great at that!
from golfwidow :
Our family goes in the other direction. My meatloaf is better than the Mom's, and hers is better than my grandmother's. If I liked kids as much as I like meatloaf, I'd try to have a daughter, but that's too odd even for me.
from loob :
You could still make a fat wad of cash by naming bands for a fee! :D Don't forget to get those two copyrighted: "The First Meatloaf" and "Blender Meat." Copyright Idiot-milk Enterprises.
from loob :
You could still make a fat wad of cash by naming bands for a fee! :D Don't forget to get those two copyrighted: "The First Meatloaf" and "Blender Meat." Copyright Idiot-milk Enterprises.
from awittykitty :
If you called it Blender Neat, it could be a bunch of really OCD Gay Guys who put doilies on things. I'm just brainstorming for ya....
from beagle47 :
i meant "kid(d)ing."
from beagle47 :
"I remember the precise moment I became aware of my own mortality..." all kiding aside? profound, '-milk. thanks. now, why i came. i gave your shirts away to a cool homeless man who asked "where'd you get these?" i explained the whole twisted story. he acted as though there were nothing odd at all about giving shit away over the internet to share peace with strangers i never have never met or never want to meet, then he said "thanks but a chick ain't gonna wear this shit anyway." i said "yes. that's the point," and winked. he laughed, i laughed, and your shirts now have a good home(less). i thought this was a great story but didn't belong anywhere that i write. so, now it has found a home in your notes. thanks, '-milk! peacers, -b47.
from beltwaybelle :
I hear "I suck at writing" all the time. Um, and I do suck at math, but mostly the algebra stuff.
from not-tuesday :
I had no idea that someone could major in glass blowing. And, I don't know that I've ever said that I'm bad at math. Because I don't think I am.
from iceweasel :
just another note on the whole prayer thing... (i thought zeroreverb7 had some good points... actually, a few people did.) for me, prayer (other than the "thank you" kind, which, as you said, kinda makes sense) is a means of examining what it is i really want; expressing out loud (or trying to find words in my head) for what i think i want helps to sort out the frivolous from the worthwhile, and to direct my thoughts and actions. i think of it more as meditation than prayer though. my flavour of religion doesn't lean towards churches though, and on the occasions i've found myself inside them, i always feel a bit embarrassed by prayers being offered. makes no sense to me either. in the end, i use prayer as a means of communicating with myself.
from pouncer :
Well, aren't you glad you brought up the question of God and prayer? I see you've gotten lots of answers, but I still want to add, when I was younger going to a private catholic school they taught us to pray (being catholic, and not christian) in our religion we have saints- these saints are God's little helpers/messengers and supposedly get our prayers to him, since he's soo busy looking over the world sometimes he misses things. Which probably explains all the hurricans and wars and murders going on. At least that's what they wanted us to believe. As far as the migraine thing, I HATE THOSE THINGS! I got my first earlier this month and it started with seeing spots ( i thought i was losin it) then I wanted to die, then I ran to the bathroom took a sniff of someone's nasty ass and puked my brains out. Does that count as a migraine??
from cabin-boy :
I laughed so hard over that, I almost GAVE myself a Migraine... (I'm so sorry, I had to say it... the little gnomes who live in my brain and trigger the REAL migraines made me do it...) Actually, I am SO in sympathy with you there. No one who has had only (heh, only) a 'headache' or even the evil 'cluster headaches' can even IMAGINE what it is like to lay in the dark, and not MOVE for fear of puking from a headache- or puking from a headache because you caught a whiff of some scent that made your brain explode. :P I am so sorry. They SUCK ROCKS.
from zeroreverb7 :
Thank you for my note most glorious of all Women:) I am feeling better...must've been that bottle of stoli (im just kidding..errr). On Prayer: CS Lewis said once,"prayer..it's not changing god...it's changing me" Perhaps prayer like meditation to a buddhist (or christ if you remember) expands Our consideration of others...maybe it is a practice in mindfulness. As far as praying for stuff...thats just...like..."oh dear god please give me a lexus" I dont know how to feel about that. It kind of bugs me actually. Anyway. Im rambeling now. I LOVE YOU! :) take good care sweetpea hugs hugs Peace
from loob :
I'm totally praying for you right now that you wont ever get another migraine! :D Ha! No, I know the potted plant already knows you don't like migraines. ...That makes him quite the contrary bastard, really. I agree, a God would problably get a little pissed off by all the repeated begging he hears, for things he already knows all about! hee! xD
from bluemeany :
I like God most of the time, but it gives me a migraine (Har!) to think about why He does anything or not. I mean, arbitrary or not, if you believe the Bible, God doesn't really play by the same rules as humans. At least, I don't know anybody who would sacrifice their only child to save the world, with no guarantee that the world would allow itself to be saved. And if you don't believe the Bible, then you probably wouldn't be satisfied with ANY answer to your question, because Christianity and the faith behind it is entirely based on the Bible. But that's just how I look at it. It also appears that I'm not a good person to try to answer this type of question ... sorry.
from awittykitty :
I only acknowledge God when I'm praying for a new car and a new boyfriend and thus far I haven't got either, so I think He's pissed off that I'm only using Him, as a wishing entity. I guess He's right. God, I hope He's not reading this. Heh, I just said "God"...now I'm really not getting anything.
from badbadzoot :
Religion and God and junk can be so complicated. But I don't think it is, I think we make it complicated. And I don't think God wants us to pray for "things", because that's selfish and the Bible tells us to build our riches in Heaven and not on Earth. Meaning that we are all going to die one day and all the possessions we have on Earth will not be in Heaven, but if we live our lives for God and being good boys and girls and not being selfish bastards- that is building our riches in Heaven. Because the Bible also says that God has (actual) riches for us waiting in Heaven. And I think praying helps build my faith. Praying is just talking to God, which means to all the non-religious people, talking to the air (when I'm driving by myself I "pray" to God and it looks like I'm talking to myself, and I do talk to myself a lot, but sometimes it's also to God). And I'm glad that sometimes God doesn't answer my prayers because I've prayed for some pretty dumb things that I thought were good for me at the time. For instance, I had abdominal surgery in May and I seriously prayed to God to just take me away right then. I wanted to just die I was in so much pain. I'm glad he didn't listen to me. And no, He didn't help alleviate my pain. It was a learning experience for me. And you might be saying "what the hell is she talking about?" I have a serious trust issue, and God taught me a little lesson. That's the way I see it. You may see it differently. The most important thing to have is faith, and then it all makes sense. Sorry this is so long. It's hard to explain.
from artgnome :
kind of hard to answer the prayer question in note space, but I will do my best. Prayer is in and of itself communication or just plain talking to God. When one has a true spirit salvation experience they become tapped into that line. God's Spirit is living within me and I can 'hear' Him in sense and have a direct line of communication with Him. Jesus gave us the 'Our Father' not to recite but use as a blueprint to pray. In it, He worships and thanks God first, then asks for provision. When it comes to asking for things, these things are to be for God's will on earth as it is in Heaven, meaning, that you are more likely to answer for a prayer for your loved one's soul than you are for your own selfish desires. There is a covering of protection that comes on you when you surrender your life to God's service. When I pray for loved ones, I ask that this protection be extended to those that are not under that covering and are more open to an enemy attack by satan. I pray that they come to Christ as I have and enjoy all that has been given to me through my personal relationship with Jesus. It is a supernatural thing whose description pales in the actual experience of it. I hope you are blessed and don't ever get another migraine. I know of which you speak and you are so right! I am always available by email to discuss any more spiritual questions you may have to the best of my knowledge and experience.
from somstar :
those are some odd things to be afraid off, sadly we have a lot in common (on the lines of fears.)
from zeroreverb7 :
the more i read about you the more i fall in love with you. and Im not kissing your ass when I say that. :) Hugs Peace
from awittykitty :
I thought you were OCD intially, but then you ended your list on an odd number, which was totally un-OCD-ish. Of course than you made a comeback on the 72 cats thingie. Hmm. I guess I'll have to consult my shrink on this one.
from vickithecute :
Ooh, I have chocolate vodka and diet soda in my home right at this very instant. Sadly, it is too late in the evening for a drinky poo (gotta get my beauty rest) so it will have to wait for tomorrow morning...er, I mean evening.
from sarkasmo :
No, *I'm* going to be the crazy woman with 72 cats. I'm up to two. I have to wait until I buy a house to get more because it's just rude to have more than 3 cats in a rental property. The other day, I told Darren that it's my goal in life to be the crazy cat woman. He still doesn't know how to feel about that.
from zeroreverb7 :
You know what? I love you. You Rule. After reading your 55 things, I thought to myself, "wow. we have alot of crazy things in common..." and, "wow.she really is my hero.." I don't ever cease to be impressed by you. Its true. And Ive thought about you all day..and there you are in my notes..and it was soooo nice.:) I am really really hoping that I can come and hang out with you in October..it should be come a holiday...Ohio in October!!! Yay! or something. :) Lets keep our broke fingers crossed! Hugs Hugs Hugs Love Love Love :) peace
from beagle47 :
"I'm learning to live without you now But I miss you, baby And the more I know, the less I understand All the things I thought I'd figured out I have to learn again I've been trying to get down to the heart of the matter But everything changes and my friends seem to scatter But I think it's about...forgiveness Forgiveness Even if, even if, you don't love me anymore..." oh, wait, this isn't the request line. sorry 'bout that. ;) hope life is swell with the new toilet 'n' all. peacers.
from bluemeany :
Among other things, the fact that you named your pet after an antacid makes you my hero.
from loob :
�I�ll have the chef�s salad with oil and vinegar on the side and the apple pie a la mode. But I want the pie heated. And I�d like strawberry ice cream instead of vanilla if you have it, if not then no ice cream just whipped cream but only if it�s real if it�s out of the can then nothing.� �Not even the pie?� �No, just the pie, but then not heated.�
from zeroreverb7 :
Yay! god you so rock. You are like Bob Vila only Way Way Cooler! love and hugs :)
from smokinkudzu :
crap weasel maintenance tards = best. thing. ever. written.
from bluemeany :
"Heroin-addled lemurs" ... [snort]. Oh, and, um, "prease poo poo boys" is bad, but have you ever had "his pretty dress"? I think not. Man, people are freaks.
from gwtw :
that's pretty fucking funny....you mean you actually WATCH tv? didn't you know it's 100% bullshit????????? btw, you're not supposed to have to sand plaster...you're supposed to put it on right the first time. And if you screw up, use a wet sponge to fix it. or maybe that's just with drywall mud, I don't know about plaster, because I never used it. have fun! I built 3 bathrooms, along with a kitchen and half a house and 2 garages. You're exactly right that it's a fucking pain in the ass, and you should hire some other shmuck to do the work.
from fritzthecat :
Wow, after about nine or so days without a good rant, I was beginning to think that you had become content with life or something! Glad to see you back on the rant-wagon. - Ed
from bethany9 :
that entry made me want to pretty your pretty little head.
from pinkysmiles :
I have read your journal for some time now and had to comment on this entry. While you are entitled to your own opinions I wanted to give you a view perhaps from a different side. My 4 year old daughter was diagnosed with cancer on x mas eve of this year. Every day I call her my little hero. While yes she had no choice in her body actually creating the cancer, she has the courage to wake up everyday and smile and play and do things kids do, no matter whether she is going to the hospital to get poked and prodded for the hundreth time, whether she is getting life saving toxins pumped into her body that has caused her hair to fall out and everyone to call her a "little boy" when they first see her even if I have her dressed all in pink but even through all that she still keeps going and she does it all without fear, or anger, just with the will of the strongest little girl I have ever had the privelage of knowing. And that is why even though her illness may not seem heroic to you, to me she will always be the greatest hero I have ever known. Thanks for letting me tell my side...
from zeroreverb7 :
I think a red lumpy rubber band bracelette campaign is in order...."Give to the Itchy"...order yours now. See. I AM INSPIRED BY YOU! hugs love peace
from nightmare54 :
HOLY SHIT!! My sentiments exactly!(RE: sick people getting better) Where can I send my check to the Itchy elbow fund? That is something that I think is worth my dollar.
from herdarlinsin :
I love Goober.
from zeroreverb7 :
ok so here I am again..saying..Im a dork because I didnt get back to you soon enough...you are probably in Va right now..or maybe driving back..or eating a chalupa or...anyway...I am off next weekend if you are anywhere near me. And as far as my vacation..Im really really hoping that I can annoy you for a few days!!!!!! I may never leave. :) LOVE YOU
from zeroreverb7 :
ok so Im a dork for taking so long to get back to you..OMG you are going to be here in Va? Im about 4 hours away from Hot Springs..when are you going to be there???? I allready have august 12-16th off....does that work out? Let ME KNOW. LOVE YOU SO MUCHO!
from incogneat-o :
you say it almost as much as ahnold.
from juliepoo15 :
Love your comments on what irritates you...ESPECIALLY the one about breeders. It's usually the stupid fucks who keep reproducing because it's the only thing they CAN do. That is precisely the reason the human race is getting more and more fucked up, generation after generation. It won't be long now...
from bluemeany :
You, O Sandwich Genius, may be my new hero.
from smokinkudzu :
goober grape and fluff! let me tell you, that's manna. i swear it. god dropped goober grape and fluff out of heaven. fluff and peanut butter alone is, of course, called a fluffer nutter. fluff and goober is fluffer goober, obviously. my dream is this: Future butler Jeeves: "master christopher, would you care for another fluffer goober samich?" (note: fluffer goobers are not sandwiches, but samiches) me: "of course." Jeeves: "with or without a guiness this time, sir?" me: "I'm thinking with, Jeeves. Thanks."
from beagle47 :
dearest Queen of the Winter Carnival: i still have t-shirts for you and Jen. however, not having received your mailing information they sit, pristine and unworn, longing to be sent. any help you could provide would be most appreciated. signed, the (non)- management.
from fritzthecat :
L: Tis I, Ed. (We traded some e-mail last fall.) I shot you a note at the "winter carnival" e-mail... it's been a while so I don't know if you check that one these days or not. (If not, I'm at ed79461 -at- myfastmail.com.) Congrats on the new job! Shoot me a note sometime and we can wax philosophical and all that jazz. Later! Ed
from awittykitty :
I so hope that 2005 is a good motherfucker for me too. Glad to hear all the good news. Just here to tell you...People who work in nonprofits are generally really nice people. Just thought I'd pass that along since I just started working in my first in November. Go Idiot-Milk!!
from zeroreverb7 :
Hi..I was thinking about you today..I was like..god...I havent said anything nice to her in a while. I wonder how she is. and I wished I was getting a great new job in oh-10 just so I could hang out with you. I wish..today..that I could sit across from you someplace any buy you a drink..because you've earned it and because you are wonderful...and even though i only met you once..I miss you. Im so happy for you...you are lovely and smart and Dead Sexy!!!! Yeah I said it! :) mucho love beautiful...HUGS peace
from bluemeany :
Mad props for the new job, yo! It must be great to work for a place that's not trying to sell anything or brainwash you.
from stellarose :
yay for fulfilling nonprofit work! congrats for serious! and i'm sure you'll find a nasty thong bathingsuit to take your fucking jubilation down a goddamn notch or two.
from hydrogeek :
Congrats, Ms. Milk! I work for an environmental type place, and there's nothing quite like going home knowing you did something GOOD today.
from loob :
Yay!! Fantastic news about the new job! Congratulations! Also, see if you can try on something in a sort of mustard-colored sateen... that couldn't possibly fail.
from monkey-king :
Ok, so in the Batman flick, when he's all uppity about not executing anybody and then BURNS THE ENTIRE HOUSE DOWN EFFECTIVELY KILLING EVERYBODY INSIDE... did that seem a little incongruous?
from bethany9 :
you paint such fantastic visual imagery.
from nightmare54 :
It is about time I come back into style.
from breathtaken1 :
thanks for the tip...I bought the Tutti Dolci today...I am on my way up to try it out. I bought the sugar wafer type, but after I paid, I saw a rack of others that were 50% of :( If Iove this, I will go back and grab them quick!
from artgnome :
I have that same drop everything the day before my period comes, nice to know it's not just me. Also, yes, single and divorced people need showers too. I think though, you just move and then have a housewarming party, that should do the trick!
from zeroreverb7 :
I suck. Because You left me a not that made me cry ahppy..that would be Happy Tears of Joy..thus they are happy..and I Love YOU and I Thank YOU....YOU are QUEEN OF THE UNIVERSE! no you really are...Hugs Hgus Hugs mmmwah Peace
from pithos :
Found your site through Dean the Monkey King. Grovel,Monkey Boy,grovel! Sorry. Temporarily overcome. Truly dig the cat haiku. My own humble offering: What makes me bitter? I hear Queen's Under Pressure Think: Ice, ice baby. Thank you.Don't forget to tip your bartender. --Pithos
from juliepoo15 :
Congrats on the new job, I really hope this one doesn't SUCK. I enjoy reading your diary, you are so very hilarious. Yes, it's nice to know that there are others out there who drop things in the toilet...several times in a row. My all time favorite entry though, is the one about deep frying the turkey. You're a very talented writer!
from sarkasmo :
Congrajibalations on your jibbity job...(what? I thought you wanted to talk like that.)
from zeroreverb7 :
I want to be nerdy just like you and Yay a NEW JOB!!! Yay! You Kick Ass!!!! :) Love YOU
from nightmare54 :
That's all we get? "I got a new jibbity job"? No letting on what it is you'll be doing? Where? WHy? C'mon throw us a fricking bone.
from awittykitty :
Congrats on the new job. Yay! Good for you!! And yeah, doing anything with ISBN # when you're not a librarian is a little (ahem) nerdy.
from monkey-king :
What, you mean it will catalogue all my books for me? Will it write my reviews as well? 'Cause I'm a little sick of it.
from iceweasel :
i would come to your showers and bachlorettes and pre-wedding showers and single-person weddings and bring you toasters and vacuums and microwaves and silverware and toasted, microwavable silver vacuums. and i wouldnt even mind if you didn't have free booze. single people need nice stuff too!
from icefacade :
"I suppose it's a bit odd for a person who is uncertain about the existence of a god to continually swear to it. Or him. Or her. Something." that is odd. but ironic.
from sarkasmo :
I think it's that newfangled shower registry game they have at stores now. Since there's no actual human intervention (snobby woman walking around behind you with a list), you can run back and forth to the registry machine with, like ANYTHING. That's why I was so tempted to register at Meijer. We could put blank CDs on there if we wanted. Awesome.
from gerg69 :
HEY, I want one of those parties too!! Goddamnit! You know maybe one boy traded you for a baseball card, but at least he didnt trade you for a bologna sandwich!
from goingloopy :
Right on, sistah. Half those fuckers will be divorced in five years, and then you'll have single people with way nicer stuff than you. And I completely boycott showers and all that shit. One present is plenty, greedy ass monkeys. Plus, half the time, there's not even free booze at the wedding to kill the pain.
from breathtaken1 :
I dropped a cell phone in a mug of coffee once. I had to take the back off and the battery out and dry it all really well before it would work again. Even so, it leaked coffee from the button occasionally after that. And there was an episode of sexandthecity which dealt exactly with your single person wedding issue. If you never saw it, you need to.
from breathtaken1 :
I am ready to buy your recommended body scrub and join the soft bottom club, but I need a little more direction...when you go to their webpage, you find like 6 pages of body scrubs!!!! If you could come up with a tad more info, like the name, that would be great! Thanks.
from monkey-king :
I am opening that clinic, if you're interested.
from beagle47 :
hey! that's it really. sorry 'bout your crappy work stuff. i'm sure monday made it all better. ;) you still make me laugh. thanks. bye.
from sarkasmo :
Oh, I DO hope you can end up getting paid to sit on your ass!
from awittykitty :
Its always so hard to gauge how you're feeling there, sweetie. My condolences on having to be on the phone with the nitwits of the world. I used to sell advertising at a newspaper and I don't know how many times I just wanted to take an uzi up to a clock tower and shoot everyone. Hope things get better soon.
from bethany9 :
sell all your shit on ebay. look on craigs list for new jobs. monster.com blows. participate in focus groups. tax free cash, yo. job market is pretty good right now. you'll be ok. you obviously have super intelligence and a rapier wit. the world loves people like you.
from pandionna :
Ouch! So sorry. I hope you find something new entirely, soon!
from monkey-king :
Hey, I'm really, REALLY honored for the add to your buddy list. I�ve actually read you fairly consistently over the last year but was reluctant to join because, at nearly 600 fans, it seemed more like joining a cult. Or hanging out with the popular people. Or looking through the fence for a popular cult like a little lost eunuch. I guess I�ll stop pretending and reciprocate. Hope the mix of timeline while I clean up at my site isn�t too confusing.
from zeroreverb7 :
I agree with goingloopy...and omg Im so sorry..and I Love YOU and I love YOU and I Love YOU..hugshugshugs..(those bastards!)
from goingloopy :
I feel your pain on the layoff thing...happened to me a few months ago. They called me back, finally. What you need to figure out is if going back on the phones will pay more or less than unemployment. If it's about even....I think getting paid to sit on your ass wins. Good luck.
from bluemeany :
I was going to write you an extremely clever note, but someone's shitty, annoying banner is distracting me to the pont of non-cleverness. Nice job with the FWOOMPH though.
from gwtw :
more microwave fun: peel the skin off a grape. Cut the grape in half, long ways. Set both halves in the microwave, with the ends about 1/4" or so apart. close door, turn on microwave, and enjoy!
from bethany9 :
couldn't have been that fat of a wad if you mistook it for a candy wrapper. but maybe thats just me.
from bluemeany :
I know how you feel ... I lost my military ID the other night (yes, NIGHT) when I moved my cigarettes from the pocket it was in, to a different pocket, and it fell out. I freaked out and had to crawl on the ground for about an hour before I retrieved it. So, yeah, good luck with the money-finding.
from bethany9 :
I feel you on this crabby ass day. I feel like I am going to explode. I want to stick my foot through this monitor. My only saving grace is going to Red Lobster in T-minus 2 hours. I love that place. CHEDDAR BAY BISCUITS BITCH!
from zeroreverb7 :
you are the bestest person ever. because you just made me feel all loved. and that is just what I needed. you are the sweetest and I love you...:) hugshugshugshugshugs :)
from hangover :
thanks for the words. i found they do help
from beagle47 :
"ugly chili dog?" there is simply no such thing as an ugly (chili) dog. <low-pitched growl>. ;)
from bethany9 :
i think i really love you.
from pandionna :
So when you go to a Chinese restaurant, are you going to order One Hung Low? :::ducking:::
from bluemeany :
You are not alone! I've been attempting to lose weight recently too, and all it's done is prompt my male friends to approach me and say, "Hey, are your boobs smaller?" What the fuck is up with this? Something must be done, and I'm glad you have called attention to it in such an entertaining way. -Meany
from awittykitty :
I think on the Planet Friztzerp, women with smaller right breasts are automatically elected president. (p.s. funny entry).
from sunshine0221 :
I laughed so hard that now I think half of my ass is smaller. Thanks Milk!
from zeroreverb7 :
first of all..I love you...2nd of all..you are totally hot. thirdly...you know the LB has that new racer back smooth performace cleavage enhancing bra right? dude..it has air bags in it...so...you take the left air bag out and leave the right air bag in..thus...your breasts will be even...they are running kind of small so go a size up (try it on before you buy it) do you have a coupon? I can send you one...You are So Awesome...and you are so my heroine. Love YOU Peace :)
from crazee24 :
Hey Milk.. was reading ur diary the other day, and then all of a sudden remembered this hilarious thing you used to call people.. especially over-the-phone clients.. something about fuckstick or along that line maybe? It's bugging me that I can't remember, and it'll be so hard to find! Take care, u rock.. Justine
from moretoknow :
See, I'm on the other side. As wierd as it is, I love putting all my stuff in boxes (throwing out all the stuff I should have a long time ago) and re-painting walls and designing room spaces and what not. It makes me feel famous. Like I was on TLC or something.
from candoor :
fingers are crossed for your house plans :)
from clusterfuq :
i think i am falling in love with you.
from bethany9 :
MAN! YOU COULD HAVE USED THAT MONEY TO HELP DYING ORPHANS! SHAME ON YOU! SHAME! SHAME I SAY!
from gwtw :
there's a good Tricky Dick joke in there somewhere, just waiting to come out...but I can't think of it.
from not-tuesday :
You're Dick Sick.
from invisibledon :
sorry missed the memo about e-bay but I would have done my best to keep you off there - oh and congrats on the items you bought - hmm maybe it's better that I didn't help
from ker :
Mr. Peanut capitalized on your trailmix receipe and is now selling "Nut trailmixs - with chocolate buttons!" (Smarties) Just thought you should know they're ripping you off. Bastards.
from thatgrrrl :
Whenever that happens to me, I just say, "It's an empathy thing." :)
from science-girl :
When my husband (then boyfriend) and I bought our house, we were lucky enough to have sellers who were willing to participate in the Ameridream program. Check it out at http://www.ameridream.org. We ended up buying our house with only about $1500 down in good faith money and house inspections. It's a great deal for both the seller and the buyer.
from serenaville :
My husband was a first-time home buyer, and he bought our house through an FHA mortgage. Whatever you do, just be SURE to have at least $1,000 more than they tell you the closing costs will be, because the original quote will be wrong... set aside even more, if possible. It happened to us, to his brother, AND his best friend... At the closing, I might add, which is never when one wants to find out. Best luck!
from sarkasmo :
Oooh, home-buying. They say it's better than renting, but I've never been (and by choice, never will be) one to do my own yardwork. So yeah, condo is good, but then you have to fix anything that goes wrong on the inside. Also, none of the housing options are free. Why is that? It sucks.
from breathtaken1 :
I would load up the roomies, and head off to a mortgage broker. I don't think they would charge you anything to talk to you, and their job is to come up with money for you. If there is a way, I think they will find it. That is as far as MY expertise goes.
from awittykitty :
I'm not sure how low income you are, but HUD programs are available to help low income people get loans to purchase homes.
from nightmare54 :
My Bouby (cybil-522) is a real estate agent. So drop her a line.
from oldmaid :
yes, fha is what you want to look up!
from hydrogeek :
I think a program for federal assistance to first time home buyers is FHA. A quick google for "first time home buyers fha" garnered me oodles of good looking hits. Good luck!
from poetown :
yikes. those poor single mothers. will they be relegated to home births a la boiling water and towels to bite on? what is happening to your country? These are rhetorical questions but... and I know you already basically said all this, I'm just agreeing... how do these particular interpretations of these [this] particular relgion/s suppose that healthcare is in anyway subject to their personal opinions? It's too crazy. the basic gist of all religious ethics, to my knowledge, is 'love your neighbour'. But I guess the definition of 'neighbour' is up for grabs. I hope you keep updating on this issue. I don't envy you your geographical location.
from poetown :
I'm not from Michigan, and I'll admit I got bored and did not read the entire proposed bill re. rights of conscientious objection w/in medical services, but I am wondering if, perhaps, it is more related to abortion services than to rectal exams?
from black-bunny :
As a big ol'goth, I can proudly say I AM NOT AN INDIVIDUAL. I know I look like everybody else. I simply cannot be buggered to find a so-called unique look. I have sleep to catch up on, beers to drink with friends, and a job to go to. Only poseurs say poseur, man. *snickers*
from jezolina :
WHAT'S ALL THIS ABOUT GOING TO A SLEEP CLINIC? DUDE! I work at one. Let me know how it goes or if you have any questions. I still love you. I'm just broken, y'know?
from zeroreverb7 :
They didnt even invent that look...they bought it at hot topic! how did your clinic go??? Love you Lots of Chocolate Martinis!!! Hugs
from bethany9 :
I had to go to a sleep clinic once. And I could not sleep. Its hard with wires taped to your head. So good luck with that.
from incogneat-o :
you forgot to look at the positive of the situation. least you could sell the tapes to the horny boys lusting after you here...
from zeroreverb7 :
I shouldnt have just laughed so hard that my iced tea splattered everywhere...I mean..its not funny..those are genuine concerns. Im sure you will be fine. Maybe you will have a supremely gasless night. And. I hope they are able to help you and that you feel better...because I heart you madly. Now..if you will excuse me..I have go read it again and laugh some more. I love you. :) Hugs Peace
from golfwidow :
Maybe you could just buy that bed that the Bionic Woman sleeps in and it'll cure everything. If I hit the lottery I will buy you one. 'Cos the Bionic Woman rocks.
from nightmare54 :
Are you done being crabby?
from herdarlinsin :
Your rants and funny comments and kicking people in the shin is always the spice that lights up my days.
from hooterville :
Let's add some embellishment to your cat's situation: Almost his entire brain has, essentially, turned to soup. He has only a brain stem, which basically does just enough to keep him breathing, pissing and shitting on himself. He cannot feed himself. He cannot move around. He cannot recognize you. Wherever you put him? That's where he'll be when you come back, only he may have fallen over onto his face and suffocated while you were gone. This isn't just "sick", it's a total absence of everything that made him your cat. If this was the case, NOBODY would question you putting him to sleep. However, I totally agree that starvation? Not kind. Horrifying, and repulsive in every aspect, actually. Unfortunately (depending on your stance) physician assisted suicide is not permitted, or else it never would have gotten to this point. I don't know for sure, but I wonder if Terri Schiavo knew beforehand that she would be dying from starvation and dehydration when she declared her wishes while she was still lucid.
from loob :
Yes I am so with you on that, I don't see how they can possibly let her die slowly like that!! So cruel. I hope they can agree on a way to help her die comfortably and swiftly. She has no cerebral cortex left, I believe? So there is really no hope for her future. Poor lady.
from zeroreverb7 :
that is exactly what I was thinking this morning when I was listening to "experts" talk about this whole thing on the radio. You are so freaking Awesome! You have had said it so perfectly! Love you Hugs Peace
from pandionna :
We do treat animals better than humans. We euthanize animals quickly and painlessly when they are sick and not going to get better. Just saying here, too. You know I adore you, right? Okay.
from herdarlinsin :
You're a riot. Minions like myself should really pay more attention. 50 cents? I hope you get to feeling better.
from awittykitty :
I was going to ask for some sympathy for MY severe sinus infeciton, but I guess I'll just head over to the Butthead Miscreat's site, since I'm more likely to hear from someone. Ha, ha. I'm joking. Well, not about the sinus infection part unfortunately. I've come to the conclusion that it must be a disease that only affects really intelligent people.
from starbrights :
I hope you get better! :)
from almostnormal :
I've been in insurance for years (no, I'm not saying it with pride)...and I've screamed at claims adjusters many a time to get off their asses and finish the claim. If your car isn't fixed yet...call your agent and tell him s/he better get on the phone and make some calls or not only are you going to leave, you're goin to stand in front of his office with a sign telling random passerby what a horrible place it is to do business with. Threats will get you everywhere! (As long as they aren't direct threats of violence, those only get you in trouble.)
from ok-pc :
get better soon!!!
from beckybaggins :
Lurker here (found you through gerg) who wanted to say hello and that I hope you're doing well. Sending well wishes and good vibes your way!
from breathtaken1 :
Please get better. Gerg knows who we are and where to find us. I jest. You make my day when you post an entry. Feel better soon.
from mentalimages :
Um. Hope you don't die. And FYI, Steve Guttenburg is the general manager of one of the radio stations here. Apparently he read your letter.
from awittykitty :
Dear Girl with Venesian/Martian Flu: Please don't breathe on me, ok?? But Gergsy said to stop by and wish you well and I definitely don't want to incur the wrath of THAT guy. I think he has a vial of anthrax or something. So get well idiot-milk. OK? Good.
from artgnome :
gerg says to come here and wish you good health and good will. and so I do. Behold the power of gerg nitmo! Really, be well, and soon!
from beagle47 :
oh, one more thing: if your cat were a dog it would be totally impressed if not completely baffled. see, dogs are that way.
from bethany9 :
But Steve Guttenberg has super sexy chest hair!
from beagle47 :
yo! not really. just fuckin' with you. ;) but, seriously, hope you're getting good material out of this shit. i'm going back into hibernation. peacers.
from beagle47 :
yo! not really. just fuckin' with you. ;) but, seriously, hope you're getting good material out of this shit. i'm going back into hibernation. peacers.
from haloaskew :
Don't even get me started on customer service. The last time I had good customer service was when I was 11 and wrote the Betty Crocker folks to tell them my Easy Bake Oven 4-pack of cake mixes was MISSING A CAKE MIX. (Very disturbing when you have a net worth of $1.25 at any given time, usually as the result of sofa diving). They not only sent me a letter within two weeks apologizing for their grand fuck up, but included THIRTEEN bags of cake and brownie mixes to make up for the travesty! Now THAT is customer service. Let's compare that to the other week, when I was at the Pizza Inn buffet and found a FUZZY LONG HAIR on the salad bar mushroom tongs. I pointed this out to the waitress and she gasped in disgust, quickly taking the soiled tongs from my fingers (I pushed the bowl into her hands as well, so I could START OVER). Back at my table, I was barely able to muster the appetite to eat, making sure to look at anything but my food in absolute FEAR of finding something else that doesn't belong on a plate..And when I made it up to the check-out to "pay" my tab (thinking it'd be a "No charge! So sorry!" event) she RUNG IT UP AT FULL PRICE. I was forced to ask: "I don't even get a discount for the unfortuante salad bar incident?" She knocked off 60 cents from my bill. What a crock of ASS. And then she had the NERVE to tell me to come back again. Something needs to be done. Let's start a posse!
from zeroreverb7 :
is there anyway possible you can get a lawyer??? if so...get one..and let Them talk to those Insurance Assholes. or..Let ME TALK TO THOSE INSURANCE ASSHOLES! im half sicilian..I can turn on the juice. I Love YOU sweet girl...hugshugshugshugs smoooches
from loob :
�AND I SWEAR TO GOD, ON THE DAY THEY ADD THE WORD "SMOOVE" TO THE GODDAMN DICTIONARY, MY HEAD IS GOING TO EXPLODE� Hehehe yeah! And nyoocular. Damn that one pisses me off! :) Very sorry about the car, I hope everything works out there.
from vickithecute :
Ah hell, I'm sorry about the whole car/insurance brouhahha....I've had something similar happen and it sucks big hairy moose balls.
from goingloopy :
I used to be a paralegal in insurance defense...(i.e., representing the cell-phone toting SUV-driving soccer-whore)...and all I can say is, be a complete pain in the ass, and they will eventually give you what you want...like, if you have any attorney friends, have them write a hateful letter. That usually generates a response. Good luck.
from zeroreverb7 :
Im sorry Lynndalou...I shouldn't be allowed near my computer when Im having an emotional pity party/mental meltdown. I heart you and my boring journal is opened up...Love you LOve YOU...You are so beautifulxoxoxoxoxox peace
from loob :
HA! Your aura's brown! I love that Ellen Degeneres bit! I listen to her book-on-tape all the time in the car. "Is my meat breath offending you? HAAAAA"
from bethany9 :
MAC users are synonymous with being lazy. Why, just look at all the weight I've gained sitting in front of my glorious G5!
from vickithecute :
EEEEE!!! It's good to be a dork!!!
from incogneat-o :
but you do it so effortlessly...
from mousemilk :
It seems like everyone except me is ill. Perhaps I'm a ghost. Get well soon.
from mousemilk :
It seems like everyone except me is ill. Perhaps I'm a ghost. Get well soon.
from zeroreverb7 :
Just a few reminders for you Dear Milky...1. You are so Hot my screen is melting. 2. Im so Not Kidding!!!! 3. Have you seen my kitty socks? 4. You are so beautiful and smart and sexy and fun and lovely that the entire universe longs for just a glance from your sweet and deeply true eyes. 5. Yeah like Im so serious! 5. I heart YOU 6. alot 7. Didnt I totally Miss Your Birthday??? 8. Or was that LM's??? 9. So... 10. In case I missed it or its coming and Im an Asshole for not remembering the exact date 11. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! 12. One more year of knowing you will fill my heart for a lifetime. You rule dear....:) (thanks for the ecard!!! I LOVE IT!) hugs hugs love and peace
from pandionna :
Flipping Fate and Karma off right now. I am, however, relieved you were not seriously injured.
from vickithecute :
I've been reading you for a while but I don't think I've said hi before now....so "hi". And I wanted to say, congrats on the promotion. I totally know the feeling - I was promoted last year from a phone slave job to a non phone slave job and I felt like throwing the party of the century (I didn't bcs despite the promotion and my advanced age, I still live at home with Mommy and Daddy - yep, basically I suck).
from bethany9 :
steaming pile of suck? is that copywrited? would you be offended if i re-used that one? actually, i think you should be flattered. it's classic.
from nething315 :
Aww come on. Xena? A name like that, AND you're a warrior princess? Don't watch the show religiously (you'll end up psychotic and depressed most likely and become a psychoanalyst) but at least give it SOME credit!
from zeroreverb7 :
Yay!!!!!!!!! Congratulations Beautiful!!!!!!!!!mmmmmmmwahhhhh!!!! Weeeeeeee!!!!!! :)
from incogneat-o :
some people love chicago.
from awittykitty :
Glad to hear the sucktitude is waning in 2005. Mine hasn't been bad either. By the way, my shrink would never listen to Dion. He just prefers to quote Austin Powers once in a while.
from zeroreverb7 :
sniff..could you..sniff sniff..pass me a god darned kleenex...sniff snort..thank you...ahem...you are the best person in the world Ever Young Lady. thanks for the note...I love you too!!!!!!!!! hugs hugs hugs hugs you are so beautiful and HOT DAMN HOT!!!!!:)peace
from awittykitty :
If my shrink was interpreting your dreams he would probably say they were about sex...but then again he thinks all of my dream are about sex too.
from loob :
"Sometimes, when in a particularly filthy mood, I take a great deal of satisfaction from biting the heads off of Teddy Grahams." I choked on my coffee, thanks darl. :)
from loob :
Hey Lynnda, check this out! http://screenclean.j1media.com/lick.html hehe aww so cute!!
from sarkasmo :
w00, car that works! w00! and you wanted me to click 'no', right? the no button? just click it?
from zeroreverb7 :
i love you lynnda..and I wish i could come over and hang out..I think thats just what i need. thanks sweet girl for always making me smile :) hugs hugs hugs mmmmwah (congrats on the car that works! I so feel you there)!!!
from pandionna :
You could put on your best burr and say, "IT'S FER THOSE WHO WERE KILT." Get it? Burr? Those who wear kilts? WERE KILT? Ah ha ha ha ha. I crack me up.
from incogneat-o :
we need the ibligatory pictures of you posing with the new car.
from juddhole :
Someday, I'll tell you all about my own kilt tragedies. Except there haven't been any. Buy me a beer and we'll work on that.
from bethany9 :
My rock tumbler got me through some hard times. I made the prettiest keychains with it.
from comma-abuse :
Your mom needs hugs. Hugs from ME. Because she is totally awesome. And also, aw squee. This is my first time noting you. Well, maybe three years and two diaries ago. But uh. I'm stopping now.
from smokinkudzu :
OH MY DAMN. I got a rock tumbler too, and everyone keeps saying things like, "Yeah, Cory, um, I got a rock tumbler for Christmas, too. When I was 6!" Which makes me want to create my own HUGE rock tumbler and tumble half my friends to their shiny, shiny deaths.
from zeroreverb7 :
you and your mom rule. totally. love you. hugs peace :)
from breathtaken1 :
I adore your mom too, now.
from incogneat-o :
its only a matter of time before your mom goes knee-deep in porno.
from zeroreverb7 :
I wanna come over and play. Love YOU hugs hugs hugshugshugshugs :) peace
from loob :
Oh god, you have to see this!! :) http://www.oco-is-here.com/lemurama/flash/lemur1.html
from gwtw :
Ferdinand who sits under the cork tree all day, smelling the flowers? love the corks!
from lolamae :
LOL! I will be back!
from pandionna :
I'd offer her a tissue, squint at her, and say, "Oops, sorry. Thought your nose was running." Well, okay, I wouldn't. But I'd want to. And call me a prude, but depending on where you work, that kind of facial gear is really unprofessional. If you work in a bar, nightclub, or music store, that's one thing. If someone came in with that where I am, they'd be told to remove it. Of course, if they came in with that to an interview here, they wouldn't have gotten hired in the first place. There are just as many qualified people who don't walk around with snot-looking nose rings.
from bethany9 :
Well at least the nose rings chick didn't couple her facial mutililation with those ear disc things. Whenever I see someone with a set of those, I have to choke back vomit.
from candoor :
happy new year to you and may all your dreams come true... or at least a few :)
from gerg69 :
NO NO, those would be SWEET painkillers. Now thats Luggy.
from loob :
Merry Christmas Lynnda! Oh the humanity! ;) http://happytreefriends.atomfilms.com/watch_episodes/index.html
from muxxie :
Thanks, now I can vicariously understand why everyone was bugging me to fix my heat a month ago, which I did because I assumed freezing my ass off in Michigan would suck. :( Sorry nobody tried to help you on the side of the road. I'm always amazed that people never do. I try to if I see another chica all alone, like myself, smashing the hood in frustration because she doesn't know what else to do to make the damn thing run. AAA is good though, if you're single. Worst case, you would have froze your ass off inside the car wrapped up in your emergency blanket.
from loob :
Bummer about the icy car and all. :( Hope that all clears up and you have a Wonderful Christmas!! :)) And New Years!
from zeroreverb7 :
holy poo....You Poor thing!!!!! I Love YOU!!!! peace
from incogneat-o :
winter does suck. we got 1/4 inch of snow the other day and it almost ruined everyones mood.
from crazee24 :
Aww that's too bad sweetie!! Kudas to ya. It went down to like -38 C [with the windchill] today.. so don't complain!! Ahh.. I love you Manitoba. Anyways, that freezing rain stuff, that stuff is called sleet, just to tell ya. Have a very Merry Christmas!! I'm going to not eat anything from now on until then, because I plan on stocking up for summer! Have a gooder. Justine
from omnipre5ence :
It was me. :O Not really. I just wanted to make out with you. :(
from loob :
Oohooh! Get one of those lovely grape imacs!! http://www.everymac.com/systems/apple/imac/stats/imac_266.html hehehe I'm rummaging around for corduroy right now. :)
from awittykitty :
I think cats should wear velcro. That way you could throw hotdogs at them and watch them stick!! Yee haw!
from smokinkudzu :
you don't give a rat's ass what's in a hotdog? really? cause there ARE rat's asses in them, dear heart. ah, the irony.
from zeroreverb7 :
(Elvis and me want you to know that...)We'll have a bah luuue christmas without you...(a woo ah hoo) bah luuuue blue blue christmas (a woo ah hoo) I love you so much...I wish I was there...drinking cosmos in the snow with you...thank you sweetygums..mmmmmmmwah mmmmmmwah (thank you very much) Hugs Peace
from loob :
I know just what you mean, I feel weird feeling happy about the money my grandma left me. But I agree with you, they would want us to be happy about that, and to do good things with it. :) That�s great news, you�re going to have a much better Christmas, with the workable car brakes and all! :)
from golfwidow :
I'm sorry everything's so rotten right now. It's gonna be okay. Just, you know, not yet.
from beagle47 :
"His death wasn't a surprise, but still." i know exactly. i'm sorry and i'm thinking of you. -=b47=-
from pandionna :
Ouch! So sorry. Sending you hugs!
from purex :
thinking of ya
from serenaville :
I'm sorry to know that things are so crap for you lately. You definitely have a lot on your plate. Too bad we don't know each other; I'd have you come here for a mini-vacation filled with kickass biker barbeque, gay bars, and drunken revelries. If you're into that sort of thing. My condolences, with fingers crossed during the bypass operation. Hang in there. *HUGS!*
from oldmaid :
oh honey. *hugs* i'm so sorry.
from lisa-knits :
My sympathies on your loss. I'm sorry things are so rough for you right now.
from redstarhelix :
sorry for your loss. hits home for me too, my father had the quad bypass a few years back, and a grandmother of mine has parkinsons. just reminds me of how badly i dont want to get old.
from zeroreverb7 :
I love you Milky...I was driving to work yesterday and I saw a license plate that said...Lynn Boo. It made me think of you and how all too brief our night out was. Im so sorry for all that you are going through...and I hope to God you feel better soon!!!! If you need anything or just to talk call me!!! Love YOU Hugs Hugs Peace
from loob :
Very sorry about your Uncle, and also your Great Aunt being ill. I just came back from my Grandma's funeral actually. She was a fantastic woman, even let me live with her when I was 19, so that I could get to know a certain booooy in her town. hehe I married him after that, all her fault. ;) My best wishes for your health and also your Great Aunt. hugz
from loob :
*SoB* another day and no new idiot-milk shenanigans! I find I am having withdrawals. Hope you are back soon, cos I am deep in the stress and discombobulation of moving house and I need to hear more of your opinions on mulletards, midgets and southerners! hehe :)
from rice-milk :
glassblowing ey? its a choice subject. i study it and its... well... its easy. go milk.
from sarkasmo :
I'm zactly the same when it comes to people being sick around me. I'm a master at visualizing germs invading my space. I even wrote a haiku once when my truefluke was sick, entitled: "Honey, I'm sorry, but I don't want to catch it, too".....Hand me the Lysol / You sneezed on the remote and / I must disinfect. Also, good luck with your new prescriptions and increases in energy levels. And you have no idea how funny I thought the idea of non-stick roommates was.
from boxx9000 :
sometimes when I'm driving in the car...I have to look down and check to see if I'm actually wearing clothes and NOT my pajamas and if I'm wearing shoes or not. i get a bit distracted sometimes and forget minor details like clothing.
from nightmare54 :
I NEED THAT RECIPIE!!! So when you get up off of your self proclaimed "fat" ass" (Though I don't think it can compare to mine) and wake up from your napsend it to me! You sexy bag of fun you!!
from boxx9000 :
I added you.
from barbiewoman :
I have been reading you for a long time and I couldn't help it- I saw this on the internet and thought of you- You gotta copy and paste this shit- Its funny http://www.ratemymullet.com/
from sarkasmo :
oh yeah, and wow - cop rock! whoa! /me runs to the tivo
from sarkasmo :
heyitsbeenawhile. couple of things: 1. don't pinkie swear to post nothing but hate and then talk about kitties. 2. yay, kitty! 3. o-m-g i'm going through the zactsame can't say no to the feline situation right now with two strays that may or may not be Actual Certifiable Strays. we HAVE named them (Blue & Sirocco (aka Rocco)), and i just came upstairs from feeding Rocco, who now waits for me to come down in the morning and then starts howling in an embarrassingly loud way until he gets katfud. actually, for Rocco, i usually throw in some peoplefud too because he's so damn skinny.
from mnvnjnsn :
Cop Rock? So you get the TRIO channel? Damn it, I want the TRIO channel and a kitten!
from awittykitty :
putting homeless people to sleep. Sounds reasonable to me. But only the annoying panhandling ones that smell, OK? (p.s. thanks for rescuing the kitty. kitties rules!!)
from beagle47 :
you're the cat's meow. *woof!*
from outre-fancy :
I laughed loads just from reading your profile :). I like The Bible comment bwehehe.
from lovinglav :
just to let you know you cursed me and now my disposal won't work.
from towelphaser :
fucking fuck.
from black-bunny :
I think everybody knows someone who has a story like that. I remember, I was once in the same room with someone who was dealing with a collection agency, and that person yelling in to phone: "I'm trying to pay you! WHY AREN'T YOU TAKING MY MONEY?!?" I think collection agents are what cockroaches get reincarnated as when they live a bad life... Sorry to hear that you have to go through the same thing.
from stellarjamie :
hi, you don't know me, but i just wanted to say that i read the ugh. seriously, ugh. entry and i almost cried just reading about it. i've had some probs like that, only on a much smaller scale........ yep. I would have literally killed someone at that point... if you read this and liek want to go to my site.. don't. go to http://www.xanga.com/jamiexuiowa
from crazee24 :
Wow.. that's definitely shitty.. I've had similar problems with phones and contacting people.. not as severe but it's still a pain in the ass, I know. Our garbarator does the same thing.. we just have to use the plug for the other sink, than nothing comes up. But if we DO use the garbarator without plugging the other one, brown sick shit comes pouring in.. not nice, especially if you have freshly washed dishes in there... GRrr.. Our problem was the plumber who installed it didn't know wtf he was doing. Good luck with everything Lynnda. Justine
from loob :
Oh Lynnda that absolutely sucks! I hope everything gets all sorted out really fast, all my best wishes there. I know how stressful those kind of bureaucratic fuckheads/stuff-ups are. Don't let them scare you about being sued, it would become very clear very fast that THEY were the ones screwing everything up if you were to tell one of those legal type arbitrator-mediator people. And my best wishes just generally, and about your ovaries and that you'll have a great Christmasy season, man it's comin soon! :)
from smokinkudzu :
Personally, I don't know what the hell you're bitching about. Everything, everywhere is fine. Bush says so.
from zeroreverb7 :
Well Hell..we need to go out for a drink Damnit! God people are so damned stupid. I Love YOU and whats wrong with your ovaries? Hugs Hugs Hugs Mwah
from gwtw :
wow, that's a great rant! you might want to change the table height limit on the page template to fit it all in next time, as I had to "view source" to read the last half.
from zeroreverb7 :
In this mad mad world of Evil Presidents and Ramen Noodles You are the light in the darkness....Yes..You..are the Bees Knees...I hope all is well with you beautiful girl..Love YOU Hugs Hugs Peace
from long-ignored :
wtf? I guess we know why he looked so damn smug...and how he just "KNEW" he had taken Ohio before Ohio wanted to report...Too close a watch on FL had to claim another state for the 'mishaps'...
from crazee24 :
Do it!! Canada rocks. Seriously. Very simliar to the states, except the cities are less large [but still big!] and there's more space between them.. we are involved with more peacekeeping than war, and have free healthcare if you pay your taxes. My boss used to live in Florida all her life, and she said she wouldn't go back for a million dollars lol.. Taxes for living in our town for a year is like half for a month where she lived before. I think that Bush will either bring the end of the world to us all, get snipered somewhere, or get pelted by banana peels one day so bad he'll resign... Hm... gotta go get me some bananas. Ciao. -Justine
from towelphaser :
i have a couch if you need a place to stay. it's kinda short, but it's comfy.
from truefluke :
"2004-11-03 - 11:21 a.m. I'm moving to Canada." Oh sure. Pick on the Canadian while he moves to the states for the last five frickin' years, but NOOWWWWW you want MY help. Pfft :)
from ticktrix :
I've spent the morning looking at websites about New Zealand. Hopefully I can move there in three to four months.
from sarkasmo :
I'm with you. My husband's from Canada - we can use him as a translator.
from goingloopy :
Maybe all of us can start a Canadian commune. Or perhaps just secede from the Union.
from oldmaid :
where is pricilla's? i am intrigued!
from redstarhelix :
fortunately for you and contrary to what you might feel, you're nowhere near old enough to be president. this of course will not stop you from being the president of diaryland. maybe start a campaign?
from redstarhelix :
but how can i vote without you telling me who to vote for? HELP!
from zeroreverb7 :
I heart you more you hottie:) thanks:) wish I was going to be at your place to night..I have a feeling it would way more fun than anything here:) Love YOU
from nightmare54 :
man if I knew where you were I would give you sex, chocolate, a new ass and a better job.....Ok probably just the sex.
from sarkasmo :
When I was 20, I worked three jobs. Now I wonder if I can make it through just one everyday. Have you ever worked with someone who felt she needed to announce to everyone that she has a "spastic colon"? I've worked with two such people, and it's really an awkward thing.
from pandionna :
P.S. Go see LA-the-Sage. She's full o' crap, too. Heh.
from pandionna :
Don't believe that colon-cleansing crap, no pun intended. I hade a colonoscopy once, and only lost about 5 pounds in the prep. Well, yes, there is always food in your system unless you're fasting. But "impacted" food? No. If that were to happen, you'd eventually be blocked up, and that would require hospitalization. So, yeah, it CAN happen, but it does NOT happen to most people. Colonics are UNhealthy and dangerous, so don't go shoving any rubber hoses up there, okay? Trust Aunt Pandi.
from loob :
hehe You have me remembering Al Bundy saying "Hungry enough to block a colon!!" That was one of my favourite lines to work into conversation! hehehe
from goingloopy :
"Fried ass on a stick" is a very apt description of what happens when you party after your age starts with "3". Good luck with your colon cleansing, but I really hope you bought a lifetime supply of Glade to go with all of your Bran Fiber Roughage Tasty Smoothie Goodness...or your roommates will really wish they had never heard of your colon.
from nightmare54 :
HIGH COLONICS RULE!! Go to an ass shack and get the roto-rooter, your colon will thank you! I have heard of all of this and I probably have more like 15-20 of packed crap, but I'm a serious carnivore, I might have mad cow disease I'm such a carnivore. PS I love your rants!
from lovinglav :
you are cool. simply fantastic. I could never write an entire entry about my colon without grossing myself out.
from black-bunny :
Fine... I'll take the goddamned mint.
from beagle47 :
to paraphrase Leo, you make me feel like dancin'! hey, did you ask for shirt(s) by e-mail and not get one? if so please, please let me know. e-mails did not work as the system was set-up for snail mails. if not, no problem. i will keep yours in a box by my side until we meet in a bar some day, i get you drunk, then you strip bare to put it on in my honor. or...not. ;)
from saru-san :
Degrassi DOES rule! I can't wait until the cable gets hooked up at my new apartment so I can go on watching it. If I miss that Jay and Silent Bob episode, I may have to go drown myself in the pool. Or, alternately, wait for one of the thousand times it's rebroadcast.
from gerg69 :
Hey! Lay off my colon!
from loob :
You know what else can ward off a cold/flu? Honey lemon drink: you squeeze half a lemon into a cup of hot water and then add as much honey as you like until it no longer tastes like lemon-flavoured ass! The citrusy goodness kills every germ within a mile and it can scare a cold totally out of ya, like a flu-bug exorcism. :)
from whatloveisnt :
I found your diary, and you are funny. Birth control pants? that's like me buying shillow pams(?? yea i wix my murds up all the time) I hope you dont' mind if i add ya!
from idiot-milk :
http://www.asante.com/support/
from loob :
Damn, Has anyone here tried that *Sara Lee Frozen Smoothie* half icecream half yoghurt and fruit? graaaah I'll hafta move my computer somewhere else so I wont be able to see my freezer while I surf about.
from sweetsoulsis :
So that story about the birth control pants? Hil-freaking-arious. I just stumbled upon your diary while idly browsing through random unlocked ones, and let me say, if you should ever write a book, and it indicates that you wrote it because idiot-milk is in the title, I'm buying it. Sorry about the run-on sentence. Anyway. You're a hoot.
from sarkasmo :
Please tell me you weren't sitting around deciding what kind of fat your cats are in the same manner as those annoying yogurt commercials.
from beagle47 :
psst! you're the bomb, 'milk. (but don't worry, i won't tell or nothin'). if we're ever in the same bar, i'm gonna buy you a beer and tell you "chick, you're alright." 'k?
from oldmaid :
my plans for saturday night are kind of up in the air. can you give me a call if you decide to go to outland? it is my fiance's bachelor party that day (paintball), and they are planning on ending up at outland at some point and meeting up with other people, in which case i will go. but if they are too tired/sore from paintball or something, and don't go, then i will be at home packing and cleaning and stuff. oh, the exciting life i lead.
from zeroreverb7 :
You get the best google hits! :) Love you Hugs Peace
from seven-point5 :
hi, i passworded my diary. the username is dirtylinda and the password is 1234. take care!
from sarkasmo :
you're so lucky! plumbing is rife with puns! did the plumber get to lay some pipe for you? did he run your main line? did he find a root in it? oh, no, you said it was your sink line - well, there WAS meat in there. when he left, was the sink faucet dirty? did you have to polish the knobs? brass nipples! ballcocks! tub drains! no, wait, there's nothing funny about tub drains. :(
from zeroreverb7 :
Im coming over..I'll bring a swiffer and some lysol air sanitizer..dont worry..Im on my way!!Im so sorry sweetheart Love YOU hugs hugs Peace
from pandionna :
I'm sorry, hon, but I didn't get past "rancid meat water" on that last one. You know my stomach has been a mess for a few weeks now, right? Well, let's just say I'm feeling really...not good...after conjuring the visual and the...smell...of "rancid meat water." I've lost 11 pounds so far--no, I don't recommend this method--but I think I'm about to hurl a few more ounces. Gawd. Ick. >brorp<
from redstarhelix :
i guess i have no right to bitch about my day now. sorry about the meat smell, but am almost positive that its not the first time the house has smelled as such.
from smokinkudzu :
lookey here, sugar booger - i have thought for a while that you needed your pipes cleaned. come to find out, i was right, but in a totally different way, involving very different pipes... either way you look at it, it's good to have a good ol' pipe cleaning at least once a week. i hear a good plumber can take care of both in one visit, and if you're experimental, he can do them simultaneously.
from gwtw :
B-R-A-K-E-S Cars have brakes. Sometimes the brakes break. Then you can't brake.
from smokinkudzu :
umm... my computer seems to be broken or something, and it was working yesterday, so i know that nothing is wrong. do you have any ideas what could be going on here? does your advisor know a woman is giving out computer advice?
from beagle47 :
admit it, 'milk, it was a Freudian slip...not just your average slip. go ahead, it's okay. i'm sure that wanting to get off in the middle of the day in plain view of publicly prying eyes is totally normal. really. ;)
from pandionna :
I hear ya. One day I was grousing in the office about how my ex-stylist charged me $15 for a blow-job after a haircut. I meant to say "blow-dry." I hid in my cube for a month after that.
from januaryfiend :
It's just as weird to see someone you were having sex with until quite recently who has become off-limits. All of a sudden you're very inclined to stick your hand down their pants (or just kiss them), not because you really want to but because you can't, and it feels so strange.
from smokinkudzu :
Holy. Shit. I was just hinking that yesterday, how if I saw an old girlfriend, I couldn't say "show me your tits" like I used to, and I couldn't just cop a feel when she turned around cause it's OFF LIMITS now. not that i want to feel up my old girlfriends, cause I dont, but knowing that i can't is weird. anyway, just wanted to say we're on the same fucking wave length, and that scares the bejesus out of me. that's right. BEJESUS.
from loob :
Hey Lynnda! "Home Movies" is coming out on dvd in November! All of season one! hehe I'm so excited! Amazon and Deep Discount Dvd are both listing it now for pre-orders!
from redstarhelix :
yeah, ive been there. then you start thinking about all the things you did to that person. like, hypothetically, dick-slapping them and laughing hysterically while you were being threatened.
from sarkasmo :
So stupid joke my mom tells every time I get a pinched nerve like that: <me> "Ugh, I've got a crick in my neck." <ma> "IS THERE ANY WATER IN IT? HAHAHA!" :\
from zeroreverb7 :
Im going to be in COLUMBUS OHIO october 5th and 6th with my company for the national sales meeting. Im not sure what my schedule is like...but my god woman...I hope we meet up!!!!!!! Love YOU !!!! Hugs Mmmwah
from booberella :
Can "Cat Rodeo" be the name of my first album?
from beagle47 :
poor choice of animals with which you sleep. if i didn't (sorta) know you i'd think you're a creep. (i mean, duh, sleeping with felines is perverted. now, go get yourself a damn dog!)
from sarkasmo :
I was OK with under the bed, but at some point I interpreted those little plastic electrical outlet covers as devices that saved us from the monsters in the wall. I suppose, in a way, being electrocuted would be as devastating as being attacked by monsters, but I saw electrical outlets as portals through which powerful demons could travel into our universe and kill us while we slept (there was an outlet by the head of my bed). Those plastic outlet covers stayed there until I was 10 years old. At least. They might still be there, I dunno.
from awittykitty :
When I was a kid I used to be afraid I would fall through my wall into another dimension. Unfortunately I can't blame a sibling for that, just really strange DNA.
from redstarhelix :
i think i stopped sleeping naked when i got my cat. theres just too many bad things that can happen with claws in the middle of the night.
from gwtw :
please....that long line with all the hyphens needs a space so it will word wrap...please!
from icedmilk :
Hello, I just wanted to say I love your layout. :) -Kelsey, Iced Milk Reviews
from gerg69 :
Some people are like Slinkies , Not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs.
from bitterlemon :
powers that be = BOFH which = endless hours of entertainment
from lovinglav :
cancer for reals?
from westyrex :
Ahh, Singing Dog! That's where my best friend worked for years. A sweet store, although I used to like visiting Ron House at School Kids because he was irritable and a local rock star. It's fun to know you're somewhere that I spent time. When something's familiar, the world is more fun.
from lovinglav :
So if you had no customers to call and ask you questions you would have no job; so to wrap up, be thankful for the annoying calls and the annoying lack of self direction these people have for they keep the paychecks rolling in. This is coming from a recently unemployed but now happly reemployed buddy of yours. oh and kisses because your rock.
from westyrex :
Are you in Columbus? I've seen so many bands there, and bought and sold so many records. Used Kids, Magnolias, Staches, etc. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
from yakkety-yak :
i will search for more wisdom and wit. if there is anything you think people may enjoy please note me with the entry and i will have a look.
from oldmaid :
so outland is really closing, either this weekend or next, according to the bar manager. are you interested in going out saturday night? i'll be out of town next weekend, so this is my last chance!
from yakkety-yak :
hi. i have quoted you. you have been credited. hope you dont mind.
from westyrex :
The haikus don't really matter. I care not of such things. I care only that you and yours are well. Or something. I know I care about something. But if you send them back, I bet they'll be funny!
from zeroreverb7 :
I heart you :) so much hugs hugs peace
from funjules :
You know, for the longest time, I thought pot smelled like patchouli. I finally realized that it was because most of the weed-smokers I knew OD'd on that lovely scent.
from pattymelt :
too much of anything is bad. except maybe sex. but yeah, even too much sex is bad. but don't worry, i hate people too.
from muxxie :
You need to try and get today's entry printed or read aloud. That was rotflmao material for me!!!
from westyrex :
I still love you even though you were scared to do haiku. (He uses grade school psychology!). My snakes, like your bird, have been oddly happy lately too. Smiling, moving around alot. I have a cold.
from pandionna :
Ah yes, the "dawn chorus." This is one thing Inigo has going for him: he's enough of a slugabed that he just chills out and pulls his sheet into his house and throws up on it while waiting for us to get up. Louise, on the other hand, likes to launch into a rousing rendition of "MRAH MRAH MRAH MRAH" at daybreak. I hear your pain.
from lovinglav :
wel what kind of bird do you have? Mike and I have a bird too and her pics are on my entry from 9/11 (the second one that day) let me see your birdie. Oh and our bird sleeps 12 hrs so if you make sure the bird is going to bed around the same time you want to see her up (8-9??pm/am?) you should be all set. Kisses!
from zeroreverb7 :
I love you. Ive been neglecting to tell you that...but its true. Wish I was there. Id make you something yummy chilled and mellow...and id clean your house. Id give you extra comfy pillows and Id bring you chocolates whilst you watch all the Degrassi you want (i love that show!) ...hope you are ok...and that you get to have some fun soon...LOVE YOU xoxoxox peace
from beagle47 :
okay, so i don't get it. what's so weird about having a dog, huh? *woof!*
from smokinkudzu :
Will you come with me to buy my new laptop? I need someone like you to handle the sales guy there - he doesn't speak English very well, he's trying to sell me things I don't need, and raising my voice doesn't make him understand me. HELP!
from crazee24 :
Whoa that's weird.. either somebody prank calling you, or somebody foreign that BARELY knows English is trying to explain to you that his dog chewed on the wires to his computer and now his computer and internet connections is f*cked.. hehe
from artofliving :
dude...here's my weird call for the day. "thanks for calling blah blah hospital, may i help you?" "Yeah. I need your help, see, i'm sick. Real sick and I'm having problems...in the bathroom and-" "Ummm..Sir? Let me stop you there and transfer you to someone who can help you." "What? You can't help me?" "No sir, I'm just the operator. I'm going to connect you to the e.r." "NOW WHY IN THE HELL WOULD A HOSPITAL HIRE SOMEONE THAT ISN'T A DOCTOR TO ANSWER THE PHONES?!" yeah...then he hung up. fuckers
from lovinglav :
ahh come visit me... I miss you sweet thing.
from nightmare54 :
Just to be clear on the movie, it was Trading Places, Eddie Murphy, Dan Akroyd. The scene was in Louis' (Dan) country club after he got out of jail, and one of the girls standing there was in the middle of a story when he walked up to ask for help. Nice Job!!
from nightmare54 :
HOLY DIVER an Obscure 80's movie reference for the title! I love it! I came across your diary the other day and added it to my favorites list your life seems way more interesting then mine right now! Keep cracking me up!!
from serenaville :
You were in Syracuse and didn't visit me?!? ;) My sister used to live in Tully! Kettle Lakes is a highly renowned restaurant here, it's great you were able to eat there. Your observations about the city were too funny. If you ever find your way back to the area for any reason, you should let me show you around, in the way only a local can. im2evil4u did, and she had a blast. I'll let you ping almonds off my head, if you do. I'm not above bribery! Deal? lol :D
from awittykitty :
ok. don't tell anyone. but I can get you that info. the one with everyone's password and info. $23.12. signed ying lee
from asitwere :
You know... I don't even LIKE cocaine. I just like the way it smells. ;-)
from gerg69 :
I still love you Lynnda, even though my site meter has milk splashed all over it.
from artofliving :
dude...you have GOT to get the hell out of whatever kinda Twilight Zone-ish town you live in...i mean, wow.
from sarkasmo :
Your co-workers should know by now that you're not going to sit around talking about a customer because you're in awe of his/her intelligence. At my job, we have a rule that if someone begins a valid mockery of a customer, the rest of us must, AS A TEAM, take the side of the mocker and not the customer. Since I doubt that the FBI is providing hacking tips to the Chinese, you were clearly within your mocking rights and totally deserve a do-over.
from ewige :
what the shit? these people work with you at a Tech Support job? jesus suffering fuck.
from redstarhelix :
the chinese? omfg i cried from laughing.
from galaxyrabbit :
uh, dude. i don't want anyone else knowing my private breakfast conversations. when crazyface or whomever gives you the link, would you mind telling me what the fuck it is?
from dietpeppers2 :
Suggestion: Instead of using rubber socks [durr] just put lotion on your feet and then thick, cotton socks. Wear them while you're asleep, it works better. G'day.
from sarkasmo :
$40 on silicone socks? I just put plastic grocery bags on my feet and put regular socks over them. And yes, it's the ickiest feeling, and I RI-HI-HILLY don't recommend traversing stairs like that. Because if you fell, it would be hard to explain. And embarrassing.
from zeroreverb7 :
Omg! You're Free! You've Been Set Free!!! You're like the Grandma Moses of Retail!!!! You give me Hope to Carry On...You..You Light Up My Life!!!! Congratulations!!!!!!!!!! mmmmmmmmmwah!!!!!! Love You Hugs Peace
from zeroreverb7 :
I heart you madly sweet Milky love:) xoxoxoxoxxo peace
from zeroreverb7 :
:)
from gerg69 :
You going to be home tonight? Feel like a phone call?
from beagle47 :
oooh, my mistake? perhaps your e-mail was caught in my spaminator. *plink*, snuffed-out with ne'er a view by the beaglish himself. try again? [email protected] with a mailing place. if you put something like "hey asshole, er, beagle47, don't fuck this up again" in the re: line that should do it. i specifically configured that re: line as safe.
from redstarhelix :
'teepee' indian or 'god damn this curry tastes like shit' indian? im sure it has the latter, not so learned of the former.
from zeroreverb7 :
hugs smoooocheeez hugs smooooocheeeez hugs hugs hugs smoooocheeeez....and a back rub...and a drink...and a hot guy...uhm..a hot naked guy...er..a hot naked guy in your bedroom...yeah...:) Love You Lynnda:) xoxoxo
from ubergurl :
Don't worry. Mercury is in retrograde. That's when things get all kinds of out-of-whack. Be kind to yourself and remember that this will pass.
from gerg69 :
Silly dork, that wasn't meant for you. It was for another Lynnda. Sorry, yes it was... of course it was. No really it wasn't. Why would I say that to you........I'm kidding, you are the far far star! [shaking head] I'm gonna name a star after you. I'm gonna call it Mildred though.
from beagle47 :
okay, fucker (and i mean that in the nicest sense), why haven't you requested the free tshirt yet? hmmm? that's your problem you know. sheesh. do i have to spell it out for you?? (you know i'm saving a medium just for you...).
from redstarhelix :
i'm pretty sure winamp has a couple indian stations
from hydrogeek :
Go robot, it's your birthday? Are you quoting my favorite episode of Sealab 2021?
from oldmaid :
well, darn! sorry you won't be able to make it. we'll have to get together sometime soon, though!
from oldmaid :
hey - i don't know if i mentioned this, but there is a party at my boyfriend's house this saturday, starting around 9:00. you and the roommates are invited!
from black-bunny :
Oh man, I know EXACTLY how you feel. I'm a big nervous wreck over the tiniest of things. And I do the cleaning-one-thing-leads-to-another-thing all the time. I don't know how I even manage to leave the house...
from awittykitty :
I too have this extreme anxiety about parking my car on the correct side of the street at the correct time of the day. Why do they have to have this arbitrary rule? WHY? WHY? WHY??? (me looking through my purse for my clonopin and gasping for air).
from gerg69 :
One of these days Alice, We're gonna have to keep in better touch.
from zeroreverb7 :
I think we were separated at birth.When I clean I get the same way and god knows if my life depended on my parallel parking skills...I.would.die.I love you Milkywoo!!!! Hugs Hugs Hugs Hugs mmmmmmmwah! peace
from not-tuesday :
Shit, I almost had a panic attack just reading your diary.
from muxxie :
OCD MUCH???? sounds like when my father cleans...well, he doesn't clean. we all just made sure everything was in its EXACT place whenever we moved something. so, the dust would settle and you could see the outlines, and that was all okay. what's funny is, he used to be obsessed about the floor being dirty. so, all I clean when I'm alone is the floors while i let the dust settle everywhere....
from purex :
That happens to me when I clean, too.
from redstarhelix :
wrath of khan IS an awesome movie. i wish they had midnight showings of anything here.
from smokinkudzu :
All through my undergraduate years, I worked at a vet clinic. We had a about two male cats that actually had to have their penises removed because of UTI's that weren't taken care of in time. I often wondered how surprised they were after THAT operation, "Fuckin' lady gets our nuts cut off one year, and our rods cut off the next. I'm fuckin' puking in her shoe tonight, you can bet on it."
from kellbelle :
My boyfriend's kitty has acne on her chin. Just put a little rubbing alcohol on a q-tip and dab it on the area :)
from golfwidow :
Aaa! Kittyzitties!
from oldmaid :
shampoo? for dick? giving cats baths at the best of times doesn't go very well. i can't even imagine the holy hell that would break loose from trying to bathe dick!
from trancejen :
I plan to go to cat shows and get all ghetto and be all like, "AW HELL NO, FUCK THAT, my little Foofy LePurrBoots TOTALLY should have won best in show, you RAT BASTARDS!!" We will be the next generation of crazy cat ladies. Have no shame, my sister.
from lovinglav :
you are going to journalcon right? I'd love to people watch with you.
from kitten65 :
meow!! :)
from oldmaid :
hmmmmm. i'm not much interested in baseball, but dime-a-dog night might be hard to pass up. because we all know how much i like WEINERS!
from funjules :
Well, now, you know if you're going to do all of that, you have to get yourself cat sweatshirts and wear them with horribly tight polyester stretch pants. Are you ready to REALLY commit to that?
from westyrex :
The "cats" entry made me shit. In my britches. That's a good thing. (And yes, that's right, I'm wearing britches).
from golfwidow :
You're not sad. What's sad is that I got all aquiver with the possibility that, perhaps, when the state-of-the-art litterbox kicks into action, you might actually get up and do the "I'm cleaning the litterbox!" dance from the commercial.
from crazee24 :
No milk no don't be sad!! That litter box sounds... amazing! I myself don't have any cats, but I find it bewildering whenever my dog shits on the carpet and my mom cleans it up... hehe
from ewige :
don't listen to these fools. indeed the electric litter box is a new low for you and if ever you should consider finding a nice train to throw yourself in front of, now would be the time.
from coyotesabre :
i'd offer to snuff ya, but i too would likely end up waiting in anticipation for feline feces should one of those things enter my house.
from bootybrown :
If you were dead then I wouldn't be able to read anymore from your awesome diary! I always thought you were pretty hot, juding from that rather small upside-down picture of yourself. I hope that wasn't out of line.
from candycig :
wow, i actually played that square your squirrel game. and the warm your kitten. and dress your gay dog. i lead a sad life.
from purex :
There was a huh-YOOGE spider on one of the walls in my apartment today. I actually seriously considered calling management..
from zeroreverb7 :
I was attacked by a spider web last night! And there I was...doing the "please get off of me gross spider babies!!!" dance whilst onlookers just snickered and refused to help me! sighs. The spiders are taking over. Have I told you lately that I love You? :) xoxoxo Peace
from hydrogeek :
It is spider season. In my house. I called an exterminator, and they got worse. I learned my lesson, don't try to kill them, they retaliate by over-populating your house like rabbits on crack.
from westyrex :
Hey, no rush. I have friends who take FOREVER to finish sentences and/or haiku. But don't think too hard about it. Letting it flow naturally is best. This is true with almost everything, including dams and menses.
from westyrex :
If I could email you, I'd want you to be one of my haiku and sentence friends. (See appropriate pages in my diary). I send you, or you send me, a first line, consisting of 5 syllables. The next person sends back and 7 syllable response. The next one polishes it off with another 5 syllable volley. And then you have haiku. You are really fucking funny, and you make my poop hurt.
from coyotesabre :
where, might i ask, have you found coconut chip ice cream? i'm intrigued..
from artofliving :
honey!! get the zicam nasal swabs from walmart for the suftupedness!! no odd smell and you'll feel like a champ, i swear! and dayquil saves my life quite often!! happy sniffling!
from spritopias :
you forgot that you drop me in the toilet
from muxxie :
you can always do what my dad did to avoid working, get in a horrible accident with a double bottom semi. You must have good AAA type insurance and be willing to lose at least a limb. Once you do that, you just keep up with the SSI, AAA payoffs, etc. You may be poor, but hey, you don't have to work!
from zeroreverb7 :
My Poor Milky love. I love how you can so accurately convey in your diary all the thoughts that run through my head. Ive been sick as a dog too...my darn throat felt like it was closing yesterday while I was at work...I think im going to play the Lotto. If I show up at your door with Roses you know you can quit your jobs. I love You Sweety You are Lovely Hugs Peace
from artofliving :
sigh...my poor idiot. xoxoxo. get the tissues with the lotion stuff so your nose wont look funny. smooches
from loob :
Ohhh god, you're so funny. I have aching sides. I've been reading your archives and I found the one about the mohve sweater, and I was SO with you, I was screaming out "YES!! Oh my GOD!!" heh heh I'll bet the neighbours think I was gettin some.
from saucy99 :
Oh my god I feel ever so sorry for you! How do you manage?
from juddhole :
HOLY SHIT. Would your job be in peril if you feigned a bad connection and hung up on Mongoloid Fuck? I pulled that one after I got to hear, "Your email server is down." and I finally got them to open a "browser? I don't have one of those" and pull up Google. What's that? You can't get to Google? Wow. A fantastic coincidence that our email server is down (so you can't get your email) and Google's server is down as well (so that you can't search for, "why am I so fucking stupid"). Oh my. Just reading that almost got the blood spurting from my ears again. Love your diary, you sweet, sweet thing.
from redstarhelix :
i totally meant only the porno movies with bibles themes.
from photo-frame :
that made my blood boil just reading it. but it also made me chuckle and i'm sure if i showed it to my dad it would reassure him he is not the thickest person with computers ever.
from pattymelt :
two things. well, three....you know people that dumb are only using the internet to play solitare. 2) what if you would have gone "are you on a cell phone? i can barely hear you? can you hera me now?" and just hung up? would you have had to talk to her when she called back? maybe she lucked out dialing the phone the first time? shit, now i forgot #3.
from pattymelt :
re:male porn stars. yeah, i have noticed! i like the "private" or "pirate" european collections. at least the guys are not hairy beastoids and the dicks are nice and big and get put sume interesting places!
from redstarhelix :
oh please, im almost positive you have a porn collection that would rival any lonely mans.
from pandionna :
AND THEY'RE STUPID, TOO!
from muxxie :
ahhh...I may be a poor whore, but those are the times I don't miss IT work. thanks for reminding me not to work a 9-5 ever again.
from gerg69 :
ahhhh classic milky goodness in every bite on that entry. blegh, what the hell did I just write there..?
from breathtaken1 :
I'll bite...what are those little baggies for? I mean, besides Cheerios and other bite sized snacks in small portions for munchkins who can't eat much at a time? The way you were talking, I don't think that was it...
from pandionna :
Now my boobies hurt.
from awittykitty :
I agree...married boy...the one who flirts and gives good back rubs...cut it out. You're making Idiot's life a living hell. love, witty.
from awittykitty :
I've been shopping that hot-alien-boy with a ripped shirt script around L.A. for years. But Hollywood wants the movie to have a "Message". The message? Horny girls want to see hot-alien boys with ripped tee-shirts playing vollyball and blowing up shit, but I just can't seem to convince anyone. Maybe we should send it to Will Smith or Tom Cruise, and convince them that THEY'D make hot alien boys with ripped tee-shirts (even though they wouldn't, just don't tell them), because that's the only way our movie will ever get made, dammit.
from pattymelt :
the only way i want to see average stuff onsceen is if they are totally hot. then they can do whatever they want and i will watch (including porn - all porn people MUST be hot!)
from redstarhelix :
i think you just described every gay porno movie ever made.
from photo-frame :
God hates me too. I believe he pushed me down those stairs and sent a van out to try run me over because i was not the closest person to that van! Just read your diary and already i love it. Very witty entries.
from artofliving :
ah yes my love, our moods may be shitty but we still manage to look oh-so-gorgeous. lemme know if you have anyone i need to add the the "List of People to Strangle" that i'm giving to my personal mob boss. xoxo
from golfwidow :
Sympathy. Empathy. Virtual cake and chocolate milk.
from awittykitty :
ditto on the mood. I'll share my chocolate with you. Maybe that'll help us both a little.
from zeroreverb7 :
omg!!!my poor sweet Milky!!!!!! If I find a really hot errand boy he is all yours...you will have nothing to worry about!!! I Love you my sweet injured lovely!!!! hugs mmmmwah peace
from oldmaid :
you poor thing! *hugs*
from ewige :
It is reassuring to see that all the extra money I invested in "stair sabotage experts" has paid off. Now if only you would stop killing off my ninja orphans.
from beagle47 :
you wan' i should take care o' dis note dysfunction?
from beagle47 :
you wan' i should take care o' dat step?
from beagle47 :
you wan' i should take care o' that stair?
from pandionna :
Oh man. Well, if you did have oil, then he'd be in there drilling and I'm sure you don't want that.
from golfwidow :
I think you should throw a Boston Tea Party in your tub.
from nypizzas2 :
Is the title from that movie with Tiffani Amber Thiessen (or however you spell it)? Because, holy shit, I saw that when I was in sixth grade and it is the only made-for-tv movie I remember.
from zeroreverb7 :
hello my sweet pumpkin:) or maybe you are more like a sweet peach...yeah like a lovely sweet peach on a hot day...Lovely,Beautiful,Smart,Fun,and I hope someday soon I can make you Iced Tea and Fruit Salad...you'll never know how much I needed that note...you made me feel so loved..Thank YOU Love YOU hugs mwah Peace
from gerg69 :
I'm still here, i'll talk to you soon. Possibly Sunday.
from candoor :
I love your writing.
from artofliving :
you're awesome. i found you through boredom. thanks for making me laugh! mind if i link you?
from redstarhelix :
well when the world is ready, my cat wants in, and he's insisting on being the red lion or its a dealbreaker.
from munkies-rule :
you're so cool
from redstarhelix :
holy shit, a voltron of cats. thats the best idea EVAR.
from barbiewoman :
OMG- You crack me up! I found your name on someones favorites and checked you out! I like your diary I just might have to add you to my faves! Yeah- and fuck some windows BS! C-Ya!
from insideoutme :
random person says: i kno.w just wha/t you mean XD but linux freaks me out because of the penguin. O_o.
from crazee24 :
One word milk: Linux.
from hydrogeek :
Not only is Bill Gates laughing on his yacht, he's naked rolling around in his piles of money laughin on his yacht. Fucking Microshaft.
from awittykitty :
and Bill Gates is laughing hysterically out on his yacht.
from raven72d :
Wuff! said the corgi.
from divaredneck :
Isn't Creme Brulee Haagen Dazs the best ever?
from spritopias :
nerds like me would pay good money for a broken star wars game
from crazee24 :
Ok THAT is the most frightening thing ever... but for some reason I still had to watch it all. :P Peace.
from zeroreverb7 :
Hello my Fresca Loving Working Girl...how are U sweet Milky??? Its time I hug you madly and told you how lovely you are. and how beautyyyfulll :) and ...Suki told me..to tell you...That She Misses You and that She Loves You Bunches and Bunches!!!!! See...you are the most Loved Girl in The Whole World. I heart you Milkywoo. Hugs xoxoxoxoxo
from pandionna :
AH! I have Fresca on my desk right now!
from ewige :
i would kindly refer you to this link http://bigamericanparty.com/mamecab/mame.htm and I'll do you the service of not even *telling* you my centipede high score.
from hydrogeek :
Crap! I just noticed you have a link to strongbad on your diary too! You really ARE a girl after my own heart. Or maybe just after my own giggles.
from hydrogeek :
I am also a pleasing shade of green over the Centipede game, so we'll call it even. You play centipede, I'll go watch Wilco and The Pixies. I'll even report back to you on the brilliance of them all. Just because I like you.
from raven72d :
You happen to be a relly brilliant random find. As a small, long-eared desert hedgehog, I'm always happy to find cool random sites that bear much reading!
from serenaville :
I have not felt this much envy since... well...since, GODDAMNIT. Not important. SEETHING envy. DRIPPING envy. And awed admiration, for you were already the coolest kid on the block... now, you are in the rarefied stratosphere of the ice cold of the coolest. Or, something. I want to be your roommate next!
from nypizzas2 :
Wow. Stand up video games never fail to make me gape in absolute awe. How fucking awesome can you get? May I ask how much they cost? And where you got them?
from funjules :
Hey, I gots a question for ya. We're going to have to get married sooner than we thought, because the asshats at his old job are terminating his insurance as of October 31. Would you consider doing our ceremony? It will probably be some time in October. And no, this isn't a joke. We're totally and completely serious here.
from ewige :
acquired.
from hydrogeek :
Engrish? Shizzolator? Jedi mind control? Austin City Limits music festival? Are you me? (PS - my work is sending me to Austin for the 3 days before the ACL festival, so I got free plane tickets! All I have to do is buy the festival tickets now!) Hilarious diary, keep it up.
from gerg69 :
Oh Milky, you sooooo make me laugh. Sorry about your day and stuff but goddamn.... that was funny.
from redstarhelix :
i had a lady at a place i used to work at drop her keys in the toilet. but she also flushed them. then of course, it was my fault because the slope of the toilet back was too severe to hold her keys sufficiently. she wanted me to pay for her wrecker and new sets of keys. i think i remember telling her "hahahaha".
from tea--code :
how many freudians does it take to screw in a light bulb? two. one to change the bulb and the other to hold the penis. i mean ladder! (i also heard a variant of the ADD joke, but it's just: "ADD stands for Attention Deficit ... Hey let's go ride bikes!") sorry to hear about all the "happiness is NOT" 's!
from smokinkudzu :
never ask an ecology/evolution/animal behavior DORK about stuff like this. my take on the whole butt sex in prison thing? lots of animals hump each other to display their dominance. i totally think that alot of the men in prison use butt sex to show that they're in control. then again, i bet there are lots of others who do it because they enjoy butt sex. just like in monkeys. some do it 'cause it feels good, others do it because it makes them feel powerful. at least, that's this nerds take on butt sex.
from tea--code :
i'm a little late on the oregon trail notes, but i LOVED that game when i was younger. you can imagine my happiness when i found this: http://www.virtualapple.com/oregontraildisk.html
from so-charming :
My mother is married to a guy who has done hard time, (no we're not close but thanks for asking.) But back when we were still speaking I once asked the guy about the whole ass rape scene. He said he'd done it many times, didn't seem terribly ashamed about it or anything. I asked him if he meant he took it up the butt and he was quick to assure us that no, no, it was HIM doing the other guy. My brother (oh so non-PC at age 13) said "oh, so you're a queer then." My mother's husband looked horrified and said that no, it's the guy on the BOTTOM who is a fag. We didn't quite get the logic... it's the guy on top who WANTS to fuck the other poor screaming trying-desperately-to-resist bastard, but it's the poor schmuck on the bottom who is considered the 'fag?' Hmmmm... I don't think that word means what he thinks it means....
from punkmuzicpa :
You raise a good question... that I have no answer to. I think I'll have to agree with your last thought, the whole "any port in a storm" thing.
from oldmaid :
yes, i am interested in doing assorted things this weekend! one of my friends is coming to visit so i'll have to run things by her, but hopefully we'll be able to get together this weekend!
from beagle47 :
MILK! the dog's gone crazy again!!!! FREE T-SHIRTS!!! (get over there and kick that canine's ass, will you PLEASE???). oh, er, hope all is well, too. funny shit that second computer entry and all.
from awittykitty :
but the real question still remains...Can matronly nostrils snort MORE cocaine off a dead hooker's ass because they're matronly? I think we should call in Bea Arthur on this.
from gerg69 :
I miss you grandma!
from spritopias :
I love my virginity to bea arthur, it was fantastic
from dietpeppers2 :
kalsbitchboy be lookin' all crusty and monkey-like.
from spritopias :
I'm crying. I'm because of what you said that that person. HA HA HA. Who is this dick? HA HA HA.
from cottoncunt :
Oregon Trail! I don't think they make any better games.
from redstarhelix :
i ALWAYS died of dysentary.
from kill-my-star :
im seventeen ehehe and i remember oregon trail..and that other one whose name i dont remember. i also remember some crap game i was forced to 'play and learn' in first grade...some crap about 'easy as pie'...actually there was a whole crappy series, but thats another story. HOORAH FOR OREGON TRAIL AND MY CONTINUOUSLY UNFORTUNATE 'FAMILIES' ON IT.
from rapperkridd :
I love oregon trail! Don't worry, you aren't old, seeing as though I'm only 15 and I know what it is :-D Good luck finding it though, haven't seen it around anywhere but Staples lately.
from meeshapeesha :
i bought it for my imac about 6 months ago. That game is THA SHIT.
from mickey225 :
I love that game!!!!!
from crazee24 :
...Sorry Milk... never heard of it :S But hey I'm only 17! Now this Oregon Trail has spiked up my interest...
from sourgirl999 :
Damn!!! I still have my copy of Oregon Trail, but it isn't for Mac. That game fucking rocks so hard!!!
from spritopias :
what size disk do you need Oregon Trail on? I have it.
from leebozeebo :
Oregon Trail fucking rocks, but I always left so many gravestones from malnourished family members along the way that the game might as well have been called "LeeboZeebo's Trail of Tears"
from candoor :
you left out the thrill of cleaning the carpet after the bath (insert squiggly grin here)
from zeroreverb7 :
Hello Sweetpea!!!! That rocks...you could be my Verizon Goddess!!!! (email me) Don't let the dumb butts like myself drive you crazy!!! Love You!!!! Thanks Thanks! Hugs! Smoooches:)
from redstarhelix :
i think you should shave him to look like a buffalo
from redstarhelix :
you know they have catfood for that, diet catfood. i'll go that extra mile to buy that for my cat, but for myself? fuck that.
from redstarhelix :
holy shit, are you sure thats a cat and not a small horse?
from spritopias :
personally, I *never* wear a bra
from pandionna :
It's disgusting here, too. It's the kind of humidity that makes me feel as though I just can't get clean. I hate it. WAH!
from redstarhelix :
for the sake of all that is holy, shower woman.
from purex :
all those links on the left side of your diary kept me extremely entertained until about 2AM last night. thanks!! your diary is awesome.
from awittykitty :
I too once tried to achieve fame as the 1000 lb. woman, but that stupid dickhead, Dr. Phil kept calling me and yelling at me and wanting me to come on his show, until I nearly became homicidal. So I finally decided to stop eating ice cream and chocolate and McDonald French fries. And my ass magically deflated. And soon I was an upstanding member of society. Pretty boring, huh?
from spritopias :
I always tell people I'm getting into shape and I've chosen ROUND as my shape of choice
from muxxie :
NECTARINES RULE!!! They don't have that annoying fuzz that peaches do. We used to grow peaches and I hated biting into them because of that.
from redstarhelix :
and how many people a day ask for a million dollars? i had to stab someone once for saying that.
from irish-jack :
Thank you ma'am, for the well wishes and things you said that were nice. If someday I finish a new compact disk, I shall try to shmooze another one off on you. (you are allowed to say it sucked the hardcore.) but thanks. you rock. super-rock.
from zeroreverb7 :
I heart you! I heart you!! I heart You!!! You just made me Smile Big!!!! Today ..I want to ditch work..and come over...and have a picnic!!! thank you sweet girl!!!!! Love You Mucho!! Hugs Mwah Peace
from gerg69 :
dork head!
from awittykitty :
I really think you should go on the talk show circuit about the healing properties of cough syrup. Who knows, you may find a cough syrup sponsor and then it would be FREE COUGH SYRUP FOREVER! Whee!
from gerg69 :
They're on the way.
from redstarhelix :
you and your phosphates. someone forgot to tell me it was 1903 again didnt they?
from pandionna :
Can't wait for the post-party update...
from rkwj1 :
Sound like you have your weekend planned. Have fun. Be safe. later,ROB
from ewige :
Even those with only a cursory viewing of the movie Wargames will remember that Defcon (or "defense condition") goes from 5 (normal) to 1 (war). Thus Defcon level 4 of you will be relatively mild and pretty indicative of the enormity of suck that is your life! Enjoy the weekend! :D
from smokinkudzu :
1. Eat the fuck outta some Krispy Kremes, yo. 2. Yes, you're a bitch. Don't pretend to be surprised. If you weren't a bitch, we wouldn't respect you nearly as much. Who the fuck wants a smiley, passive woman? NO FUCKING BODY. 3. Get shit faced at the party and hae a long conversation with sister's boyfriend about what his intentions are. Tell him he'll be sorry if he doesn't "cooperate" and then throw your head back and laugh planning something. First impressions are KEY.
from loob :
Hi Milk, just wanted to pass this info to you; adorable free wallpapers of Home Movies! (Also MY favorite cartoon!) http://www.adultswim.com/misc/downloads/wallpaper/index.html Loob :)
from beagle47 :
milkitty, milk-milk: i believe the "pants down on ice" thing means you love M.A.S.H. those Col's Blake and Potter -- oh, how the world needs leaders like them! in all sincerity, thanks for the advice. as Joe Walsh might blog: i can't complain but sometimes i still do...ya' know what i mean? you still boot, chick! talk/type soon...
from coyotesabre :
where'd you find the sunflower seeds?!?! i was addicted to them two summers ago and they just... disappeared... i cried, and have been looking for them ever sense.
from first-blush :
....your ass is mine.. muahahaha.. O_o;
from redstarhelix :
should have told your ass to kiss itself, for the added touch.
from sarkasmo :
Mm. Redvines. Yuk - get back, Horky-cats. My mom's cat likes to be dragged around on a leash. You slap that harness on and he immediately lies down on his side, as though the weight of it is just too much. But he likes to be dragged.
from redstarhelix :
no coke off a hookers ass? no don knotts? theres just no sense of adventure from your readers.
from pandionna :
There I am thinking, "Ooh, Ms. Milk is getting deep here. Right on. Don't settle. Hell yeah, so true" and then I had a vision of you damn near slicing your nose off in the shower. Please don't do that to me. Heh.
from meeshapeesha :
Am i an idiot for not know what the hell Red Vines are?
from crazee24 :
you want answers?? call the number!! maybe a bunch of high clowns came over, that could explain the lightbulb in your cleavage situation..? Haha. Good luck with that!
from redstarhelix :
mark me down in the yes column. i'd totally snort coke off a dead hookers ass.
from helderheid :
http://www.livejournal.com/users/vrijheid/ Helderheid's new addy :)
from golfwidow :
Best way to hang up on someone is mid-sentence while *you're* the one talking. It makes them think you just got "cut off."
from meeshapeesha :
"Everybody Loves Raymond" is the worst show on television. It ranks up there with "Mad About You" and "Dharma & Greg."
from awittykitty :
Sorry to hear about PERV, Milk. Too bad we don't have his e-mail address....we could ALL send him our favorite computer viruses at the same time. Yee-haw! Let's do it.
from saucy99 :
Oh my god, that is so freaking nasty! You poor thing!
from meeshapeesha :
I saw a prank like that on Crank Yankers on Comedy Central. Who knows, maybe it was Adam Corolla pranking you. :)
from pandionna :
Oh GROSS! I guess he was too cheap to call a 900 number. Sorry you had to deal with that. Yuk.
from redstarhelix :
now that is a phone call. think he was spanking it the whole time?
from funjules :
Okay, when you get a chance, go to www.ohsers.org, click on "about SERS", and go to the "employment opportunities" place. There's nothing good right now, but at the end of this week or the beginning of next, they're posting one that I know you would be great for. It's in the investments department, as an admin assistant. If you have any questions, drop me a line, and I'll help you out as much as I can.
from bootybrown :
Does "the homo" have a name? And is he really gay? Or is that short for "homoginized"? Inquiring minds want to know!
from ionme :
SHIT! i will actually be in california for memorial day weekend. you must take pictures and share with me. DAMN! i hate to miss such a great party, i hope no one loses their doggie this time
from ravens-heart :
lmao
from purex :
To make sure you never run out of midgets, you could have a midget farm; buy children off the black market and have their pituitary glands removed so they never get taller than like 3 feet! What a great idea!! Right!?! .... right?? .... hello?
from jtodd :
fried pickles and ranch dressing are the best two things to ever be put on this earth. ever. and i'm so very glad you like them.
from ionme :
OMG, LOL - you're not right but I love you nonetheless ;D
from hooterville :
Wow... You're going to get a lot of hate mail on this one. Not from me, mind you, I laughed my shrinking ass off. But you should know that I'm stealing the term "Fuckstick" from you and not giving you credit. It's mine now, just TRY and stop me! HA HA HA HA!!!
from gerg69 :
boob midgets..hmm what would the midget girls with large boobs use to hold theirs up with?
from purex :
White babies really aren't cute at all. And they're usually not even white, they're like all different fucked up shades of pink or something. Or maybe people just have some fucked up babies around here. Hmmm...
from awittykitty :
Boy, I sure know what you mean about the mad at your friend, not mad at them, are we mad at each other, are we talking, I should say hi, no we're mad, blah, blah, blah. What a huge waste of energy. And its always over something really minor and its always nice when its over.
from dyingisanart :
equivlancy is a real word (if it is spelt right which when i type it, it is not) equivilate is not
from leebozeebo :
Fake married forever, baby. I'll never fake divorce you. Not for all the fake Thora Birches in the world.
from gerg69 :
i hope that doesnt include me.. ive been feeling that way lately too. I'm turning into woody allen...without the chinese girl thing though.
from beagle47 :
Dayton's Point, Dayton's Home of the '80's (Online) just kick's major 80's ass, chick. just thought you ought to know. after all the who you been through, i will make it up to you...
from sourgirl999 :
AHAHAHA!!!! Braindead cock garage!! That's great, I love it! You're a genius!!!
from gerg69 :
corner? Well I have heard it called a box before. maybe he assumed it WAS a box. CORNER???
from sourgirl999 :
I can't believe you remember WKRP In Cincinatti!! That was my favorite show!!!
from sanetwin :
I'm a compulsive button pusher as well. I kept pushing an unmarked button in a guy's car until he irritably explained that it switched to the other fuel tank(which was empty). oops.
from crazee24 :
Um... fried pickles?? NEVER heard of THAT. What's ur new haircut like? I recently went for a slight change involving growing out bangs to the side but its so much different, it really can make a big difference in your appearance and how you feel. What's ur new "'do" like? lov your site doll
from purex :
I've been thinking about trying a new hair style but I've been afraid in case my hair dresser fucks it all up. I will cross my fingers and hope really hard that when I get mine cut, it will turn out half as awesome as whatever yours looks like. Yay for cute hair!
from radioflyer- :
Hey. I'm back again. I think I've taken to stalking you or something. I was reading through entries again. Ahh...they make me laugh so much! I know how it is with the little nonappearing zits that hide away. Yes, those zits are cowards that wont show themselves to my facial creams! I am also feeling the pain cuz I've got this crazy thing living in my mouth. I think it's all friendly so I go to look at it and see what's going on in there and then I touch it and I feel the most excruciating pain ever. I think that's a little like what you're talking about. Maybe anyway. Bye.
from redstarhelix :
wow, that pizzas guy is sad. ok, now when you say dutch, are you speaking of the race of people or ed o'neill?
from nypizzas2 :
Now I'm bragging to all my friends I got a note from the one and only IDIOT MILK! I printed it out and have it framed too.
from bbbrett :
Consider me "in". Come hell or high water (which I've never entirely understood why those are considered the exremes: Maybe hell, but a halfway decent prison-raft can get a guy past high water), I'll be there. Hell or high water... It's my car that I'll have to worry about. Send me the address again and I'll be sure to show up. I may or may not bring party people in tow, but you can lock me in as a sure thing this time. Sounds like the perfect opportunity to get the fuck out and do something a little different. See you then.
from meeshapeesha :
I love your diary as i'm sure you've heard numerous times before. It's a constant source of entertainment for me. :)
from oldmaid :
one of these days soon we are going to have to have a night of drinking. i don't know when, but soon, soon... 'cause i need a drink!
from brandywine :
what of this s&m club columbus? not really wanting the regular ol' kareoke with lesbians; i get enough of that in h-town. 3) it is really lame that the museum has membership and charges admiission. glad to hear ur homo kept his job. he should revolt and quit now
from pandionna :
I don't suppose there could be state funding for the museum, could there? What? WHAT? Speak up: I can't hear you over all the laughter. Stupid Republicans.
from ewige :
stupid hair. that's rich. you know, coming from Ted Koppel.
from spritopias :
yeah for the word "fuck"!
from nypizzas2 :
Dear Ms. Milk: Have I told you lately that I love you?
from awittykitty :
Oh, Idiot Milk, I do truly think we were separated at birth. Except I'm older than you, and don't swear as much, and you probably have bigger boobs than me, but we both like boys sleeping on couches and hate stupid customers as well as the words "Happy Camper" (I also hate when people ask me if "I'm on the same page as them".. as in What? Huh? Is this the fucking Oprah book club or something? No, we're standing talking in a room to each other). Glad you got in some nappie time this weekend.
from spritopias :
I hate the tucking of the tissues, it makes me gag.
from coyotesabre :
don't honestly know why, but i'm lovin' the occasional 'rich and full tapestry' motif...
from whiskeyblood :
I think I can arrange that. I'm suprised you don't loathe my sweet gay ass at this point, what with all of my empty promises about visitation. Blame the stupid boy that lives out there..it's all his fault. Stupid kid with a heart attack. Anyway...email me the details and i'll get a game plan worked out! Seeing as I just got off the phone with my manager at Pier 1 telling him I quit! Yes! I totally quit over the phone! I am the connsumate pussy! Email [email protected]!
from spritopias :
I would have stayed up but I got too tired. See you later
from radioflyer- :
Thank you for that awesome story about you're work. It reminds me of my work and my Subbys Chronicles that I write sometimes. People are asses and they get on powertrips and it's so unbelieveable. It makes for funny stories later on though. Thanks for making me laugh. It was great.
from idleheaded :
Oh, I cannot stop laughing. Fuckhead 1,2 and 3 were just too much. :D
from pandionna :
Come work on MY computer at work, please. I'd much rather have you fix it than the dillweed who came by today who just says, "Hmmm." I wanted to put his head through the monitor. You, on the other hand, I'd take out for a drink.
from cornnugget :
I think you should revel in the points. Acquire them anyway that you can. Defy others to out-do you. When they fire you from this job you hate so much, you can take everyone with you, except the Fuckheads of course. They will be too busy trying to decide which parking space they want.
from smokinkudzu :
obviously, you should have had her take the (technical thingie) and shove it right up her tight (anatomical thingy) until she was good and giggly, and then have tech support kiss your shiny (anatomical thingy) until you can find the time to burn them alive. And I promise... I'M the one who's right this time.
from hushangelz :
Btw, do it on company time. Teach THEM a freaking lesson. Also, it's very therapeutic :D
from hushangelz :
http://www.subservientchicken.com/ TYpe in commands like peekaboo, kungfu chicken, make love, hideandseek. *LOL* Have fun~
from bigmonayho :
I was just browsing and found your diary, and you're very humourous!
from rkwj1 :
I recieved a few like that myself the other day. They made absolutely no sense but I read every word and tried to figure out if it was some code or something. Very bizarre. Later,ROB
from hushangelz :
You're a cat napper, yeps there's no arguing, that's what you are. Oh and btw, sweet dreams on your day off :)
from pandionna :
Chicken and diet Dr Pepper. You white girl, you.
from sicknick :
chic-fil-a why, exactly, would one spell it that way when it's supposed to be chick fillet? oh, it's fast food. that's why.
from purex :
I've always wondered why people make jokes about black people liking fried chicken. Someone liking fried chicken really isn't that funny. I don't have a clue in the world, and when people make those jokse, I get confused as hell. I've never heard the orange soda thing though. Hmmmm...
from pandionna :
Not that you dumped me. But if you did, I'd have to come and hunt you down. Yes.
from pandionna :
Goodness, with 500+ readers, how can you tell? I don't have nearly that many readers, and have long since lost the ability to tell who dumped me. Oh, I'd notice if key people dumped me--like the folks I read, like you--and I'd have to hunt them down and kill them, but other than that, well, sorry if I offend, you know? Anyway, I suppose anyone who got offended by the fried chicken entry didn't read it through all the way. And I suggest they do some reading up on history and the South.
from nightingale- :
DOOD, as if I'm leaving a note on idiot-milk's notes page! And as if I just spelled Dude DOOD. I hate it when people do that.
from redstarhelix :
having worked in a convenience store, i can vouch for black people not only liking the orange sida, but all fruit sodas. 9 of 10 black people choose the fruit soda. also, 1 in 4 white people wear old navy. yikes.
from sourgirl999 :
Hey, I love your diary. I would've left a note sooner, but I'm shy.
from beagle47 :
hey, can i get sappy on you? (heh, as if you have choi). your note was just, well, yeh, you know, like bumping into someone you hadn't seen since God knows when and thinking to yourself in a heartfelt way "you know, i always liked you," but not having enough nerve to actually say that, then walking on by without a peep and one day (maybe weeks, maybe months, maybe an eternity down-the-line) having that same person come up to you in another bookstore and say "you remember that day i saw you in that bookstore? i always liked you, too." yeh, your note was kind of like that, 'milk. i think i want to abandon this d-land thing, but dammit how would i keep up with your residuals, woman? ;)
from beagle47 :
hey, can i get sappy on you? (heh, as if you have choi). your note was just, well, yeh, you know, like bumping into someone you hadn't seen since God knows when and thinking to yourself in a heartfelt way "you know, i always liked you," but not having enough nerve to actually say that, then walking on by without a peep and one day (maybe weeks, maybe months, maybe an eternity down-the-line) having that same person come up to you in another bookstore and say "you remember that day i saw you in that bookstore? i always liked you, too." yeh, your note was kind of like that, 'milk. i think i want to abandon this d-land thing, but dammit how would i keep up with your residuals, woman? ;)
from anonadada72 :
4/6/04: You're so popular here at Diaryland, it's almost cliche to add you as a favorite. But I couldn't resist. You're simply too hilarious to miss.
from pandionna :
When I die and go to hell, that's going to be my job. "Hellish Tech Support, this is Pandi. Yes, I am here, making up for all the nasty things I said in my diary. No, no. Ms. Milk has gone on to heaven. She paid her dues while on earth. Now, may I have your DSL number?"
from smokinkudzu :
HOLY CRAP! I laughed my ass off, and then realized you're not fucking joking. My GAWD, you're a patient one, aren't you?
from awittykitty :
Hey, I used to sell electronics. Fortunately I got out before any heinous crimes occurred. Have you had anyone ask you what the electric cord is for yet?
from gerg69 :
What IS a modem? What's a etherweb thing? Is someone trying to bash down your door there? I keep hearing these thumpimg noises. Did you just groan? Are you okay?
from golfwidow :
I. Feel. Your. Pain. (My best call: Me: "Type 'yada yada, colon, da da da da da, enter." Customer: "I can't find my colon." Me: "Call your doctor.")
from diaryquotes :
Dude. You went from one terrible job to another? What is wrong with you? Also, come visit this weekend. It's ULTRA SUPER WING FEST NAUGHT FOUR ALL CAPITALS NECESSARY Saturday.
from redstarhelix :
here's something i used to tell my easily riled friends. "p-p-p-p-p-put it in the happy b-b-b-b-box" ok, maybe i dont stutter, and an not foreign, but i'm willing to learn.
from spritopias :
I love naps. Let's start a napping team.
from dietpeppers :
you sound like my mom... naps naps naps. she swung a baseball bat twice and "ran" a homerun yesterday... the rest of the day she was lethargic as hell. She actually sounded drunk.. good times, good times. but don't feel so bad... maybe if you refuse naps you'll be clumsy and laugh at everything and it'll be great.
from pandionna :
"Jesus on a moped..." Best thing I've read all day.
from spritopias :
http://spritopias-4ants.buzznet.com/user/
from spritopias :
there are worse things than ham to be smoking
from purex :
I love love love your diary - I have yet to read an "entry" that doesn't make me smile. Have a super day. *kt*
from cornnugget :
Whatta ya know. I am a lazy, hotdog eating, shamrock shake drinking beeotch too! What's up Sista?
from muxxie :
Waaa!!! You hate us clove smokers!!!
from elysium1982 :
what exactly is the flavour of the shamrock shake? im all too curious...
from creepatron :
Why does McDonalds have to even advertise? It's in the same vein of Coca-Cola doing it. Unless you're straight off the boat from Uzbekistan (of which there are probably 12 McDs there already) how could you not know what the golden arches are on every block?
from cornnugget :
Congrats to the new parents. You know what will happen though. Mom will play too much Solitaire and print too many recipes from the Food Network and Dad will be pissed off that she doesn't actually even cook anymore because she is on the computer too much...yada, yada, yada...I smell trouble...and see a lot of dust on an unused computer.
from cornnugget :
Congrats to the new parents. You know what will happen though. Mom will play too much Solitaire and print too many recipes from the Food Network and Dad will be pissed off that she doesn't actually even cook anymore because she is on the computer too much...yada, yada, yada...I smell trouble...and see a lot of dust on an unused computer.
from spritopias :
Laura Bush has a check list of the things that need to happen in order to bring about the apocolypse (sp) and it seems like she's getting somewhere.
from redstarhelix :
now you should give your parents the link to your diary.
from lovinglav :
I just noticed you have linkage to strongbad and homestar you rock!
from spritopias :
you're right, as usual...it's just wrong
from rkwj1 :
The wife and kids are tired and in bed so I have the whole downstairs to myself tonight. I'll be listening to old mix tapes from like 20 years ago, raeding old love letters from high school and reminiscing and probably drinking heavily (actually I have already started.....it was a bad week). So I'll make you a bet if your up to it. Who has the most drunken entry tonight. A gentlmens bet of course forgetting the fact that you're a lady. We'll call it a gentlemans/ladys bet. YOU IN? Later,ROB
from dayglocheese :
AH. Your diary is beyond hilarious--especially the entries discussing attempted sleep-overs with cats. And to think I used to want that...Um, I linked you.
from spritopias :
what? where do you go?
from redstarhelix :
i eat cereal for dinner, watch cartoons, play video games, and blow stuff up in the microwave (but tonight was blender night), not always for fun, but in the name of 'science'. i also read the paper and would drive a lincoln (had someone offered me one at a fairly reasonable price). yet i dont consider myself a man or a boy. strangely, i call myself a 'guy'.
from redstarhelix :
that was totally meant to say 'men'.
from redstarhelix :
lesbian kareoke has always been my favorite. wait, im confused, isnt kareoke when they get naked and pet the woodland animals? please get back to me on that. and boys? shouldnt you be going for me? i realize there's a shortage, hence the l-k, but there has to at least be one or two in that city you call hell/home.
from rkwj1 :
Happy St. Patricks Day May the road rise to meet you. May the wind be always at your back. May the sun shine upon your face. And rains fall soft upon your fields. And until we meet again, May God hold you in the hollow of His hand. Later,ROB
from smokinkudzu :
i drink beer in the shower all the time. if yous tick your finger in the bottle, you can even wash your hair without getting soap in your suds...
from redstarhelix :
my cat is doing the same thing. all because there's this goddamned floozy cat sitting outside the window. whine whine whine. i keep telling him 'she's a skank cat! look at her! she's not even pretty!" but he cares not.
from irish-jack :
um, but what about grumpy turtles? (thanks for the cheer!)
from redstarhelix :
i'll still let you do my shopping for me. it looks like you bought all the staples, what the hell is their problem?
from candoor :
I am trying to decide if it means anything that I am relating to much of what you are writing recently. I may get distracted before I actually decide, but then, the relating is more certain, for whatever that's worth.
from pandionna :
If this were the Ultimate Fighting of Frivolity, I'd have to tap out right about now. Billy Ocean. Get into my car.
from redstarhelix :
has billy ocean done anything in the last 15 years? maybe he's trying to atone by staying in house...watching headline news.
from idleheaded :
My god, you are one of my favorite reads. Half of the other people on my buddy list are either recovering from depression, or never have anything to say. You, however, have managed to make me laugh with evey single entry. w00t!
from spritopias :
I will join your fight against Billy Ocean. My unhealthy obsession with you is really just having hurt my neck craning it to see your picture right side up. Instead I just turned the computer upside down.
from cornnugget :
Me and my painted-on jeans are so sad to hear of your disdain for Billy Ocean. Not to worry though, he is bound to be in depends and on a walker by now.
from spritopias :
I got a second job yesterday and today I had three calls for jobs when I got home.
from redstarhelix :
your week was on par with mine until you had ice cream sundaes. damnit.
from spritopias :
I am developing an unhealthy crush on you. HA HA HA. You're funny. I love it.
from anita-girl :
You are so funny! And I really like your new template, totally goes with you name! I work retail too, I sale fragrances at a deptement store. I have to say I do like it, but sometimes the people drive me nuts!!!! Like all the bums who come to 'shower' themselves with fragrance, this includes opening there pants and spraying 'downthere'! Ah the joys of retail!
from irish-jack :
Well, dang. You shouldn't be well-wishing people! You should be sucking in the well-wishes, and opening a Donation Fund for getting you out of Karma's Garbage Disposal. At least the Curse of the Pharoah comes with the possibility of Immortal Life! ...Or was it Unending Torment? I always get my curses mixed up. Anyway. I've been trying to learn how to blow up cars that cut me off by squinting my eyes really really hard and concentrating an explody ball at their dud-wipe drivers... but for the time being, I'll just try to concentrate you some good luck. Yeah? Word out.
from spritopias :
I hurt my neck trying to look at the picture in your profile and have forgotten what I wanted to tell you.
from oldmaid :
hot weiners! yeah! i am all for hot weiners in the backyard!
from kill-my-star :
its multiplying, that gives you the positives. multiplying two negatives gives you a positive; multiplying a negative and a positive gives you a negative and adding two negatives will give you a negative, which i really dont think you want =| just thought you ought to know before i come back to read the latest updates about how due to your mixed up knowledge of math, you are now 1906 dollars in debt. AIEE! you should start a donation fund. make a can to store what you get in, give your address to randoms on the street, pray to a dashboard jesus dressed in tinsel that someone will send some money along...hey, it could work...
from spritopias :
I keep telling my little sister "all the shit you're going through now will only make your 'VH 1 - Behind the Music" that much more interesting. If you'll buy that load of crap I'll give you some free.
from cornnugget :
Kick some ass Tootie.
from leebozeebo :
You're the boss, baby. My life is nothing without your boobs. Or something to that effect.
from dyingisanart :
suggestion: get rid of your cat, or if you're too attached to your rodent-eating-flea-infested-own-asslicking feline put the rubbish where it can't get at it!
from spritopias :
I always prefer someone at least pretending like they're sorry for something then their out right contempt. I've even told my class that. Pretend to be sorry at the very least.
from cornnugget :
Please tell us the name of said movie so we can steer clear. I hate movies like that. You know a sadistic bastard wrote the ending of that movie. "Why don't we run over him with a truck?" "Yes, lets."
from lauralgood :
Hello. I clicked on you and thought I would respond to your latest entry. I believe that the women who wear the odd fashion dress are fundamentalist Christians most probably from the denomination Pentacostal. Though I am not sure. I just know the Pentacostal people I used to know (I used to attend one of their holy roller churches) wore that if they were very good Christians. I never did. I guess that should have told me something. Oh on the movie front, while it is not a romantic comedy, I recommend "A Mighty Wind." It is really funny and well no maybe you should not watch that until you are in a more cynical mood. Though I have a few friends who swear by your entries and it seems you are always cynical. Well watch the movie if you wish to laugh. and if you hate don't tell me. Laural
from redstarhelix :
thanks for the kind words, but im sure you didnt loan me the bad luck. i mean hell, that would mean you got rid of it, and we both know that isnt the case.
from pandionna :
Just catching up now. Sorry to hear of the financial woes. It's a drag. Been there, dug myself out, now dealing with the husband's (and not too happily, I might add). But, as I'm not one to offer only sympathy when I can offer sympathy AND a possible solution (and thus fill up a whole screen of your notes), I'd say that, depending on how many debts you've paid off, you might actually have a better credit report than you think. If I were you, I'd look into taking out a loan to consolidate everything into one payment. My sister did that, and it was a static account, meaning what she owed was what she owed, no ever increasing interest like with credit cards and other revolving accounts. Holy fuck, I just sounded like a Republican.
from serenaville :
I thought you, of all people, would be interested to know that I just got a call from my husband (03/05) informing me that we are now going to take our turn with the Big Karmic Dildo of Anal Ream-itude (Because, it reams one with ATTITUDE!)... to the tune of just over $500 for the newest round of car repairs on the Galant. Just so it can pass inspection. This is after quite recently hemorrhaging $500 for a new water pump, a couple months ago. So, yeah. I just hope Karma uses an autoclave between people, but knowing Karma as I do, I somehow doubt it. THAT would be far too easy. Hooray for three paychecks in April!! I'm off for a chin check[tm leftunspoken] of my own, before we head to Syracuse to sign our lives away on a house. MORE DEBT! Whee. :/
from spritopias :
Thank you so VERY much for using motherfucker as one word, not two. I hate it when people (excluding myself) abuse our language. What are schools teaching kids these days?
from spritopias :
something that was solid silver would be an absolute bitch to clean and take care of and would only drive you further into debt
from awittykitty :
(((((((idiot-milk)))))))) sorry about your monumentally bad day.
from c-otter :
just a thought.. but it might not hurt to remind your creditor (in a very pleasant, non-threatening way, since "these calls are recorded for quality purposes") that by withdrawing funds without permission, they've in effect stolen your money. AND by making up a check number, they've essentially commited fraud to steal your money. (it would esp. help if you can prove that the check number they made up has is one you've already used or is very far away from your current check numbers. This would help affirm the fact that they made it up.) You mention in your post that they claim there is no written agreement allowing a payment plan, did you have one allowing them to withdraw the balance from your account? If not, the goodwill payments you previously made could be seen as "one time only" payments, and the authorization you gave for those should not transfer to future payments. similar to why you have to manually make electronic payments for your bills each month if there's no agreement that allows them to automatically withdraw the funds. Lastly, I'm assuming you made the payment plan agreements over the phone. Unless they have a clause against them somewhere, subject to state law, oral contracts are binding if they are able to be completed w/in 1 year of the agreement date and do not pertain to real property (i.e. land & houses)....just some things you might want to know when you call them back.
from rapperkridd :
So sorry that credit crap happened to you... that's so messed up! My mom goes through the same crap all the time.... her credit is screwy because my father put everything in her name then stopped working.... well, everything should work out! 3-5-04 ~Kristena
from redstarhelix :
geez, sorry about your weeks. if its any consolation, i got fired from my job of 7 years yesterday. my question is, did you give this bad luck to me?
from karmicenigma :
I have been reading your entries for about a week now....anyway...I have had the same credit problems as you and you might want to check out www.bendover.com....he wrote a book called 'Back Off' that saved my sanity when it came to debtors...check it out...it might save yours also!
from gerg69 :
I'm aware that you have not asked, but this is why I will NEVER apply for another credit card again. They are evil fucking people. I am sending some evil thoughts to you to forward to them. " I am thinking of every woman there becoming horrendously pregnant with siamese quintuplets, and the mens arms and legs and other assorted appendages swelling up to the size of a Toyota and dropping off. OR If you wish, all with terrible crotch eating crab infestations impervious to the best mediated ointments, and arms too short to scratch." Choose from corrumn A or from Corrumn B.
from purex :
Thank you SO MUCH for that Neurotically Yours website! Shit Fuck I stay up so late watching that kind of stuff :)
from candoor :
You must read Seuss, at least, for He would.
from awittykitty :
Oh you mean Johnny Depp, my future husband and the father of my incredibly cute children. Yeah, he was robbed at the Oscars. He should have at least won for Best Makeup or Gold Tooth or Cheekbones or something!! (He's mine)
from purex :
Hey, you have some really cool links. I saw this cartoon once on some website, and it was of this cracked out looking talking squirrel and a goth chick. Do you know where I can find that again? Just thought I'd ask since you have Weebl and stuff! Thanks ~*~
from golfwidow :
Happy belated birthday!
from awittykitty :
32? I have socks older than you. Happy Belated Birthday. February has the best people born in it. Although I think they own the worst piece of shit cars.
from redstarhelix :
happy birthday. hope you molested many.
from gerg69 :
Oh hey! happy birthday you sexy redheaded dorko!
from diaryquotes :
Dude... I forgot about your party. I wish I could help you drink your face off. I do.
from saucy99 :
Howdy! I stumbled across your diary, started reading it and I think its laugh-out-loud hilarious so I've added you as a favorite, hope you don't mind. Oh, and good luck with the car!
from awittykitty :
CARS SUCK! Can't live with them, can't take them under highway overpasses and set them ablaze for the insurance money...(or can you??) Sorry to hear about your car troubles. I can definitely identify.
from redstarhelix :
milk milk milk, so high strung. you obviously arent drinking enough. you need to relax. some wrecker services can come out and do small mechanical repairs. an alternator counts as such. maybe poke the nose in a phone book when you sober up?
from oldmaid :
so- any birthday plans yet? do you still want to do something on friday? heheheh. and, it's good to know you're ordained, as i may be in need of an officiant soon. boyfriend is in charge of finding one, and last week he was trying to convince one of my coworkers to get ordained so she could do the ceremony. so we'll see.
from dishdeter :
Evil, girlfriend, just evil. Loved it!
from golfwidow :
Well, I already promised myself I was only ever going to get married once, but if we ever decide to renew our vows, stay there, we're coming over. Pancakes instead of wedding cake. Yay!
from cornnugget :
Oh, to be as f-ing brilliant as idiot-milk....Lord, hear my prayer.
from golfwidow :
Oh, foo. I wish I wasn't married already just so you could marry us.
from funjules :
Ummmmm...yeah, actually, the mister and I are getting married eventually, and the madre is driving me up a wall and back down again, and I'm threatening to elope, so yeah, if we decide that's the way to go, you bet your sweet ass I'm getting in touch with you!
from awittykitty :
So if any of you out there want to be married, just let me know == So are you trying to prompt me out of my bat cave, Idiot Milk? Do you really have guy with opposible thumbs and men who are Democrats who might possibly drive an SUV, THEN SIGN ME UP!!!!
from cornnugget :
That was one refreshing glass of milk...do cookies come with each entry? I'll be back either way..
from pandionna :
You know, I've been hearing LOTS of Republicans refer to the Shrubya in the same way. You know it's bad when...
from rkwj1 :
I loved that super hero thing. That is cool only mine came out as "You Are Wanita the Cross Dressing Sissy mary. A very confused soul is he. If you get in his way he will likely knock your head off with a high heel or smack you in the privates with his purse." Not sure why it said that. Oh well, I guess it's better than that tight wearing fruit superman. later,ROB
from pandionna :
You do realize that it's torturing me not to know what the disparaging comment your dad uttered actually was, don't you? Please tell me. Please, oh, please!
from beagle47 :
well, life on the farm is kinda laid back. ain�t much an old country boy like me can�t hack. it�s early to rise, early in the sack thank God i�m a country dog. (boy, those neville brothers stick with me too. hate it, hate it, hate it...)
from pandionna :
See, that's the kind of guy whom I hope accidentally drops his cigarettes in a puddle of kerosene, and then lights up when he's home all alone and blows his goddamn head off.
from redstarhelix :
the orange flavored toothpaste rocks. now you need to go out and get the citrus orange listerine. mixed together you get hijinks rivaled by none.
from creepatron :
Thanks so much for the info. I have no money in the ol' budget for shoes right now, which means I'm probably going to buy them!
from hate-mail :
We are two girls...the pranksters of diaryland. We will fulfill your requests, just leave ur name, name of the person u hate and want to send hate-mail, and what they did to u! And we will keep who u are annonymous! Leave us a note, email one of us, chat w/ one of us on AIM, MSN, or leave us a note stating who you want to send the email (both of us can or if you don't care). We will also chat with the person on AIM or MSN is neeeded...thanx and...uh...yeah.
from heidiann :
Yay for kitty shoes! I have those too. Only mine are white at the shoe part and black at the kitty part. If that made sense. I'm sure it did. Perhaps you could scream, "MEOW, MOTHERFUCKER!" and then kick someone while wearing them.
from creepatron :
I love your kitty shoes! Where did you find them?
from redstarhelix :
only you could pay delaware like that.
from redstarhelix :
jesus, your periods are pretty intense, fucking blood coming from everywhere.
from awittykitty :
you mean I'm not the only I'm horny/get the hell away from me or your member goes in the blender person? Well, goodie. Maybe we can start a new diaryring.
from writerfreak9 :
another ohio journal?? me too. i love your entries... they are so funny. i totally agree with the valentine candy company thoughts.
from serenaville :
My husband read your entry about Saturday evening plans over my shoulder, and remarked: "She's upset because no one is taking her out? Is she sour-milk?" To which I exulted: "OOOOOOH, I'm telling her!!! Prepare to DIE." It's okay though, I will totally eviscerate him without anesthesia for you, then pour iodine in the gaping wound. For starters. You can take it from there, if you are so inclined. I can always find another hostage. (He's laughing his ass off right now. Denial comes before a slaughter.) I apologize for him. He was dribbled as a child, and slam dunked. :|
from not-tuesday :
You sound like a barrel of fun.
from serenaville :
Thank you very much for the note of sympathy about the doorstop noise, it is appreciated. I am going to attempt to post this while my grace and dignity are still intact, lest my inner dork escape the full nelson hold and possess the keys to gush about how YOU (squee!) left a note. *ahem* Thank you so much, again. (Last time that happens, huh? Heh.)
from munkies-rule :
i understnad the pain of the BOING BOING BOINGING's as well. although my cats play with it about once a week rather than once every month or so, and because of this i have sound proofed my room...and on a side note eschewing is a word. rock on idiot-milk the one and the only, nicorette
from funjules :
Oh.Girl. The mister and I are on Atkins, and it RAWKS!!! My blood pressure went down also, and I've lost 20 pounds. And yeah, we go off of it occasionally, but we go right back on, and we don't pack on the pounds. Bet those Weight Watcher fucks can't say that! You just stick to it, and do what I do: when they start their incessant whining, just grab some bacon, stuff it in your mouth, and chew loudly and so they can see it. Jealousy is such an ugly emotion.
from golfwidow :
Need the whiskey-caramel sauce recipe. My bread pudding is suffering hard without it. Willing to cut a recipe-trading deal if necessary.
from redstarhelix :
um, hurry and eat more bacon? that'll fix it, right?
from redstarhelix :
damn, a whole night of almost coming. bet that sucked.
from redstarhelix :
i tried explaining to my roommate that grape kool-aid is the only viable selection, for the simple fact that it has the power to change your stool's color. he didnt believe me.
from primalgent :
Turkey Juice, with 8 essential vitamins and minerals.
from redstarhelix :
i heard turkey juice makes your ass grow bigger.
from rkwj1 :
VIVA LA MULLET! Later, ROB
from smokinkudzu :
Now all I can think about is the horrible B-grade horror/porno movie possibilities. "Moby Snatch!" or the lesser known "Land of the Giant Man Eating Poons!" or even "Night of the Rubenesque Hoohas". EWWWWW... the main characters would be these slender little women with great big skirts to hide their bulging no-no's. I need to go gouge my eyes out now.
from pandionna :
I hope you get this job!!! P.S. I'll bet there are lots of Google hits coming your way. Turgid? Oh my.
from beagle47 :
'milk, you are the best -- let no one convince you otherwise. also, "snapshots" was supposed to be just words, not actual pictures. i cheated. i like to cheat. ;)
from antihoyhoys :
I agree "vagina" is not a exotic word at all. If i was in your postition i would have yelled it out loud so the aliens could hear lol, and go on a mission to find out what people thought of it with my pen and pencil lol. Bye SEw
from awittykitty :
I think as long as you don't blurt out VAGINA during job interviews, that always improves your chances for a callback. Good luck! :-)
from gumphood :
Now I wonder...do you think these boobs are just staying the same size, while you shrink around them....hmmmm...hmmmm.....*couch*
from b0b0 :
I just got the Healing Words magnet set and do you know what work was in it? Miasma. Now, I have 6 different sets covering my fridge because I am obsesive like that but when and why would I ever use the word miasma? anyhow- love your writting! Bye-
from zeroreverb7 :
i love you milky....your notes were like the big hug i needed...thank you...i swear...if i don't get another job somewhere soon...im gonna have to pimp my fat ass downtown.you are lovely and wonderful...hugs hugs mmmwah peace
from redstarhelix :
so much that i may need to come to you for all my low carb alcoholic beverage needs. maybe you should think about putting out a drink book, make a killing off all the atkins people.
from redstarhelix :
'low-carb rum beverage' had piqued my curiosity.
from beagle47 :
p.s. use the guestbook...the "add your image" or whatever it says it does doesn't do it.
from beagle47 :
hi, 'milk. well, not that you asked or anything, but everyone sucks tonight and i'm a perfect, decent, loving human being. go figure this world out, eh? hey, go here: snapshots.diaryland.com and leave something so the owner doesn't think i'm creepy, eh? i'm really not, but you know i have a knack for looking that way and all. ;) hope all is well and that Cleveland still rocks and shit. peace. (and i really mean that).
from gerg69 :
and what would you suggest they put no it's stead. Everybody hates Raymond?
from pandionna :
Lesson that I learned yesterday: De-electrify before pushing any buttons on the Caller ID box. I thought I had blown my arm off.
from sleepyzoe :
Yeah, my mom hates her name. If that weren't bad enough, my aunts names are Laura Lee, Lisa Louise, and Lana Lynn. My grandma's name is LaVonne, and grandpa's is Leonard. My family sucks.
from red-wine :
Mmmmmmrreallllly...late Feb you say? Consider it noted! If I can find a cheap flight I'm like, so there. And shit.
from gumphood :
Hey, Why the poop won't your quiz work? That's pretty messed up. One Time I messed up by pooping on a plane and getting sucked into the toliet, and then I was living amoung the poop until we got low enough, and the plan just let the poop go. It went all in this guys yard. I did too. The moral of the story, I pooped my pants twice. (Since this is our first interaction I figured I would do this, to see if you could piss me off just as much. So yes, I am JUST trying to get your goat.)
from pandionna :
You want us to stop? Really? No shit? Heh.
from rkwj1 :
Sorry, The airplane one was so good I could'nt resist. No more poop stories from me. I promise. So did you ever notice that when people are drunk they will piss just about anywhere. Just Kidding! Later, ROB
from rdhdprincess :
I'm about to go poop in my boss' desk drawer. Just for fun. Thought I would share.
from pandionna :
Someone pooped on the floor outside a friend's dorm room back when I was in school. We referred to the mystery perp as the Mad Defecator. My guess is that the people who do this no longer get any pleasure out of merely wiping their boogers on walls, and have graduated to something more hardcore.
from rkwj1 :
Heres another poop story. A business man was on a flight and got drunk. When the flight attendant would not serve him anymore drinks he flipped out. He was so mad and so drunk that he got up in the middle of the plane and took a shit on the in flight service cart in the middle of the aisle. True story! I think he is in federal prison now. How funny is that. Later,ROB
from muxxie :
Have some pictures! www.urinal-poop.com
from no-and-then :
I have a friend who shit in a urinal. It was because he didn't have a quarter or because he liked to shit in weird places. He did it because he knew somebody would have to come and clean it up and wouldn't that be so funny.
from redstarhelix :
i work in retail and have several stories about poop. one time, a kid took a shit in the middle of the floor. nevermind that sparkling toilet. as he was leaving, he stepped in it and tracked it out the stoor. of course, when this happens, its never solid feces...
from rkwj1 :
I walked into a public restroom once , ya know the ones with the pay stalls. Well I guess this kid did'nt have a dime so there he was proped up on the urinal taking a dump. One of the funniest friggin' things I have ever seen. Later, ROB
from whiskeyblood :
kids are often like nougat...getting stuck in your teeth and being generally too sweet and annoying most of the time...but sometimes they hit the spot just right and you can't help but laugh and wish they were all so provocative.
from munkies-rule :
my 5yr old cousin ali asked me what a blow job was once and i told her thats something she should ask her mom because thats for more mature people and she said if i didnt tell her shed tell my mom i had a blow job and she knew id get in trouble for that. evil little children people are having these days.
from purplebanana :
Came to your site 'cause I liked your name. Leaving your site so I can go watch that fucked up badger video again. I don't know whether to thank or curse you for reminding me of its existence. Have you seen Kikko-Man?
from irish-jack :
oh no! it's a snake!
from munkies-rule :
Right on!!! the badger song is kick ass!
from whiskeyblood :
Nun-types are odd like that. You try to stay rather neutral, but they just somehow or another manage to look into your soul and you can't help but smile and say hello and kinda feel better/worse about life/yourself. I think it's because they're so like "your favorite aunt" or "favorite grandmother" types. Or something..that's the theory i've come up with.
from gerg69 :
sweep em off Claire.
from redstarhelix :
guilt and bad spelling.
from redstarhelix :
haha, guit sucks.
from kill-my-star :
http://grouphug.us i dont know if youve ever been there before, but there are some reallll gems on it. seems like something you might enjoy, yes...yes indeed.
from redstarhelix :
or use the insurance check coupled with sexual favors to bribe a judge. then commit both of them. just dont tell the judge about your 'cat thing'...
from purex :
oh also fuck paris hilton and really fuck mandy moore and have you ever noticed that her and enrique iglesies both have huge moles on their faces? nothing wrong with that because a lot of people do but theyre like famous and if you pay close attention to their pictures, they always position those 2 to try and cover them up. ha. ha. i'll leave you alone now, sorry.
from purex :
hey sorry about your car. that's really fuckin shitty. i'd send you $5 if i had your address. i dont have any money and i doubt $5 would help but maybe you could get a cheeseburger or some kind of (drive thru) comfort food, yeahhhh. hope you have a good day here soon, fuck rich people.. and george bush.. and the kkk
from zeroreverb7 :
yeah I am actually. Its just sitting here..Ive had it for Five years..and I keep trying to give it away and no one wants it..so dear its yours...it isn't doing us any good just sitting all alone and cold in the attic (I couldn't find it this morning!! I almost freaked out!!)Don't worry about it...its just a Thing. Ok?? :) Love You Hugs Mwah :)
from pandionna :
See, that's what you get for being honest. My old boyfriend had his car broken into, and he claimed a few things that weren't really in there, like snowboard boots. They paid him for those. He was an asshole, though, and I don't recommend that kind of thing.
from putmedown :
ugh, car break-ins are the worst!!! when that happened to me, the fucks searched my car for the faceplate to my cd player, found it, and took the whole set-up!! i got no sympathy from anyone, they were all like "dammit heather you are retarded for not taking that in the house!" well yes i know that... gah. NOT IMPRESSED.
from oldmaid :
so of course since you're free this weekend, i'm busy. or at least, i probably won't be going out saturday, since i have to spend all day sunday at a family reunion for my future in-laws. sigh.
from rishi :
I hope you're doing better, babe. You know, it never fails to amaze me that people think it's okay to take other people's stuff. They might as well just walk up to you and say, "Hey, you know all the hours you spent working to earn the money to pay for that thing there? *swipe* well, they don't count for SHIT! HA HA HA HAAAA!" Somebody busted my car window out for no apparent reason a couple of months ago, causing me to miss Thanksgiving with my folks. People suck. There, your position is externally validated. Have a nice day.
from leebozeebo :
I feel a lot better today, thanks. Actually, I felt like sort of a dick after I realized that I had attempted to elicit your maternal instincts when you weren't having such a stellar day yourself. Sorry about that. When I get sick I lose all sense of the world and the associated problems therein, to be replaced by a sniffly, unhappy boy that wants somebody to take care of him. I'm glad that your insurance is going to cover your vehicular losses. I'm such a lame-o on car insurance that had it been mine, I'd be totally SOL right now. Good foresight on your part - being paranoid paid off. But it usually does. And yes, depreciation is the correct word. I hope you get everything straightened out, cutie kitten. P.S. Speaking of kitties, mine won't get her big stupid BUTT out from in front of the monitor. Move, kitty, you retard. Ah, that's better. Kisses! For you, not the cat.
from munkies-rule :
sorry to hear about your car. at least being anal retentive about your insurance did some good. go anal retentiveness!
from coyotesabre :
gotta love sarcasm, eh? hope things improve... or something. if not, bite them in the ass with your sarcasm from hell.
from pandionna :
Voodoo. Seriously. Someone is doing voodoo on you.
from redstarhelix :
what the fuck? this tv doesnt even work right. ...last time i steal from your ass. and the lou bega cd? nevermind, i dont want to know.
from warmleftover :
Whats with your diary? It is displaying... oddly. Ok, I have given up, I will never find love, so I am choosing you. Yea, its not a great proposal, but it IS one... you have to learn to be happy with less, geeze. I expect you here in a week, the damn floors need vacuming. I promise to keep you in pudding cups, cartoons and make-out sessions.
from bethany9 :
i thought it was a milk mustache, but after my tryst last night, it might be something else entirely.
from oldmaid :
thank you! you can be my foster mom when my real one is being weird! *hugs* (don't worry, i don't hate my family all the time or anything. i just get upset sometimes. and then i talk myself into being more and more upset... you know how it goes :P but thanks :)
from son-shade :
Now you're an Official Combatant in the "Try Not To Think of a Polar Bear With Blue Eyes" Game, or the TNTTOAPBWBEG as we so call it. Now you can go around and inflict mind control on anyone you wish. So go, try and not to think about sticking your bear arm in a bucket of dried meele worm husks (try not to think of the corn-husk crunch, or the airborne grub-dust) and whatever you do, don't try and remember the Whitney Houston version of "And I Will Always Love You."
from son-shade :
There are 2 remedies for Ear Worms. First, sing the theme to Sponge Bob Square Pants, the other is hum the Hawaii 5-0 theme. They work like etc.
from redstarhelix :
you need an exorcism for your ass? sweet.
from pandionna :
And FINALLY, since I haven't cluttered up your notes nearly enough, with reference to the Southerner below who implied that spending time in the South leads to a Southern accent, I say, YO, I've been south of Mason-Dixon for almost 20 years and I STILL don't say y'all or have any kind of twang or drawl. And it is possible to correct accents. Unless I'm drunk or angry, there are times you'd never know I'm from Long Island. I only let that out when I want to. So there. YO.
from pandionna :
P.S. I kinda sorta maybe just a little bit tend to agree with you mostly a lot on the Southern accents thing. Except for Dan's grandmother. She's from...Alabama...and she has a genteel, soft, drawl. It's classy, on an 82-year-old who can still hop a fence. But let's just say there's more than one reason I can't stand George Bush. Bill Clinton's speech got on my nerves, too. As did Al Gore's.
from pandionna :
Aaron Neville. DAMN! DAMN IT ALL TO HELL! Now *I* have an Aaron Neville ear-worm, too! But hey, the huz has to listen to Rufus Wainwright (sp?) all day every day at work. That does a lot to a die-hard Rush fan. I'm afraid he's going to develop a tic.
from bbbrett :
"If you've already done that..." Christ! You get funnier every day. I don't know a damned thing about this shit. My idea of de-bugging consists of going to the "delete program" screen and hacking at it with my virtual machete. Thanks for pointing me in a good direction. Just logging on to that site showed me about eight things that exist just to make my computer using experience an exercise in patience, if not torture resistance. After I spend a few weeks implementing all of the manual repairs I should be right back in the game. Thanks again!
from moebelle :
did you tell your mom that he isn't peeing when he wakes up? how could he not pee? hmmmm....."pee obsessed bitch" would make an interesting t-shirt or coffee mug, or bumper sticker slogan....lol
from gerg69 :
Ok, I've been away for three whole days and look what kind of riot you've started. I find it amusing that it's ok to laugh at something until it's you the joke is about. THEN AW NAW, IT'S ON NOW BITCH! Being from the South I wasn't taking offense, and that was before I learned that Texas was the exception. At least you don't think I'm an asshole..... yet. So, that said, who invaded Poland and made you the pee gestapo? " Ven did you pee last ??! Vas it after you blew up ze train depot or before you exploded ze submarine pens? If you do not talk vee shall haf to get out ze 50 caliber zupositories! You vill pee for me now schvine!"
from redstarhelix :
i like that the damasu girl had such a problem with the accents post and slams the irish in her profile.
from muxxie :
yup you're right...not peeing in the morning IS abnormal. You know what else is abnormal? Not eating for like 1-2 hours after waking up!!! I can't do that but my boyfriend can!! he's a freak too!
from sky-soldier :
lolol i am british, and we sure as hell never use that phrase...what were you doing watching linda green???i didnt know they had it in america! i suggest you refrain from watching such nonsensical, lie-filled drivel and watch some nice cartoons or something useful like that lol
from munkies-rule :
hey i understand the peeinh thing. i pee every morning exact same time every day. lets here it for the scheduled pissers!
from redstarhelix :
make sure to note what time and whether it was #1 or #2.
from lilchrissi :
You havent lost me as a reader miss. My list is just full. Maybe I should go and delete somene thats pissed me off recently and add you to my infamous list of randmon goobers eh? Not that youre a goober of course I like goobers actually, I just dont like chocolate. I mean *ahem* S'cuse me while I go hack up my hair ball......
from purex :
angry people from the south need to COOL IT. seriously. your entry with the hitler-look-alike mustauche cracked me up. HA! see there i go.
from munkies-rule :
jesus friggin christ! look at the damned motor mouth below. someone sure had their piggies in a ruckus when they read your entry huh. im from nc and i get aggrivated everyday by the damned southern accents, i am lucky to not have one myself, but more power to you on maybe starting a movement to end all southern vocal traits.
from damasu :
Unfortunately, since I'm from the south, and already convicted of being retarded because of something I can't control (where I was born), my comment probably won't matter much, but here it goes anyway... I don't read your diary often, so I really have no clue as to whether or not you were joking, but I'll assume that you were not, considering it only seems sensible. While I agree that southern drawls are quite annoying, especially those "southern bell" types, or whatever they are, I very much disagree with the fact that you think you have some sort of higher status simply because you're at a higher point on a map of the united states. Saying this, I believe it's okay for southerners to dislike what they are, and northerners to hate what they are, or vice-versa, in regards to liking... but as stated before, I don't agree with the way you so "delicately" put it. Thanks, by the way. Humans, in my opinion, are very adaptable creatures. We become what we put ourselves around, and while you think that a southern drawl is something that only a moron can't change, have you ever tried changing your "northern accent", or whatever it might be, if you even consider yourself to have one? After putting yourself around people who speak the southern lingo day after day and hour after hour, it grows on you, and you begin to do it yourself without even noticing, so please... take a moment to step back and view things from someone else's perspective before you insult a whole group of people and jump to conclusions. There was a saying about making assumptions once... it only makes something out of you and me. Anywho, well, you get the gist. I apologise if anything I said offended you, but I thought it only fair that you thought you apparently represented the north, or something, so I had to defend "my people", whether I agree with living here, or their accent, or not. Just please don't be so quick to judge, eh?
from pandionna :
You know what drives me batty? When little kids say, "Mommy, I have to make." Like the kid is going to squat right down and deposit something on the ground. Grrrr...
from warmleftover :
Yes Dear, we can do all of that. Just you, me, pudding cups and the baby Jesus. (or, Jeez-zus were I was raised darlin')
from redstarhelix :
and before long the mcnuggets will become our currency and define the way we live our lives. see, you'd at least have to throw in some bbq sauce also to make me slaughter the kids. kid killin' is a mighty hunger kindling, and i fear without the bbq sauce, my hunger would not be sated.
from ifeelhatred :
Your not retarded. I am. I like milk. Especially the chocolate kind.
from munkies-rule :
good to hear you're almost back to health. hope you still get to go to the party thing you wanted to go to this weekend. much love
from whiskeyblood :
I've been ailing like whoa these past few days...finally starting to kick it after a week of "FUCK IT! IT'S NEW YEARS AND I'M DRINKING" hijinks. Anyway, you get your sweet fanny better because I'm beginning to get the wanderlust and think a trip to Cbus may happen soon. That is if I can scrounge up the money to pay for my goddamn car inspection *shakes fist at hidden costs of owning a car* Love ya, punkin!
from drahmaqueen :
I hope you feel better soon sweets.
from sicicle :
added you to my list of favorites...(in a diary entry because i'm too lazy to deal with my profile right now) you seem to rule much, so i hope you feel less shitty.
from knock-first :
stopped in today :)
from oldmaid :
now i'm sick, too. this sucks. my throat hurt so bad it woke me up this morning. though i guess this explains why i've been sleeping at least 12 hours a night for the past few days. so i might not be up for dancing this weekend :( grrrr!
from redstarhelix :
i drank a bottle of cherry nyquil for new years eve (after the first couple shots it isnt so bad). freaking kept me up all night...
from bare-my-soul :
hope you feel better! ah, nyquil. i've had many a hangover from that cherry delight. love rose
from mr-sparkles :
I don't give out ponies, just pony rides.
from mr-sparkles :
Can I kiss you on the cheek?
from leebozeebo :
Baby, don't start up with the smoking. Really. I've kissed a girl who smokes before - that truly does taste gross. Don't you want to taste minty fresh? Or maybe like chocolate? Wouldn't you like to taste like some chocolate?
from warmleftover :
You are the bitter yin to my cynical yang. Lets get married on New Years Day and open the Seventh Seal unleashing destruction and agony on the people we went to high school with. Or just anyone that Dissed us in the last few days.
from beagle47 :
'milk! best wishes for a wacky new year's eve and a wonderful new year. peace, sister, peace.
from rkwj1 :
The same thing happened to me. When I finally had some time off I got very sick. But , alcohol does help. The more you drink the less you feel the symptoms of whatever affliction you were so lucky to get. But watch out for the next morning. Talk about a fucking hangover. Fuck It! just keep drinking. Feel Better, ROB
from staple-stuck :
maybe it's the monkey pox, or the mad cow disease... Seriously woman, get yourself well and start carrying hand sanitizer with you in your pocket. Lawd knows *what* you've been touchin!
from gerg69 :
Sorry you're feeling sick. Do you need anything? A pillow? Some porn? Some tape to make faces at the cat with?
from purex :
youre fucking cool, love to read your diary as it always cracks me up (and i completely understand about the messy room.. dah!)
from redstarhelix :
i cant say much for messes, they dont bother me much. the cat shit in a shoe on the other hand, is a different matter. having a fondness that rvials that of a woman for shoes, such is blasphemous. i suppose i'm lucky. My cat shits in his box. BUT THATS ALL HE DOES. at any given moment throughout the day, there he is, shitting, probably thinking to himself "hehehe, i'm going to watch that fucker clean this one up. 'no licking my balls on the kitchen table indeed'"
from leebozeebo :
Not that there are any ladies begging me for a romp under the covers, of course. You're my one and only Boo, after all. I was just saying. Before, in the other note. Just saying. Hypothetical like. You know me. Always talking. Talky talky Lee. Mr. Blabbity Blab with his blabbing. Let's all have a good laugh at this awkward moment and not sic Doom-Cats on Lee. Ha ha ha! Ha ha! Oh, that was a good one.
from leebozeebo :
I'm afraid I can't relate to your messiness, love. I'm actually kind of a neat freak, whether I'm having sex or not. I'm sure the ladies think it's cute when I won't hop into bed with them until after I've tidied up. "Please, Lee, romp under the covers with me!" they cry. "Not now, baby, I have to pick up all your dirty socks off the floor and then alphabetize your books," I say suavely with a sexy glint in my eye.
from son-shade :
Nor should pregnant womens wear anything tight enough show the miniature hard-on sticking out their bellies. Two words: Fucking. Eww.
from gerg69 :
Portions of Idiot-Milk were brought to you by, Campbells, Makers of delicious chicken and stars and the new improved crotch soup, now with more crotch. Thats what Campbell's soup's are, MMMM-MMMM good!
from brain-dump :
The same thing happened to me on Christmas Eve; I got pulled over and he told me I was going 48 in a 30mph zone. (!!!) But he took my license and said, "well, unless you're wanted by the FBI or Homeland Security, we'll just have you slow down a bit." woah!
from not-tuesday :
Oh my God, the entry about the job interview was HILARIOUS!! I have got to read the rest of your diary.
from pandionna :
Alas, the one time I took Vioxx I retained close to 7 pounds of water in three days and broke out in a rash, so no Vioxx for me. Lots of ibuprofen. I think my kidneys have died.
from ifeelhatred :
I find that you are quite the interesting person.... Quite intersting, that you are.
from munkies-rule :
have a happy holiday oh sulton af diary land
from pandionna :
And I got my goddamn period, today, too!
from pandionna :
"Whether or not" pisses me off. It's "whether," just plain "whether." And it doubly pisses me off when my boss ADDS "or not" to it in my articles. For instance, when you want to express your displeasure with someone, a good thing to say would be, "I couldn't care less whether you rot in hell." And "impact" as a verb? NO! Things do not "impact" each other. They HAVE AN IMPACT on each other. And you can't "grow a business" anymore than I can grow a penis. JESUS, PEOPLE! There, thanks for letting me put my two cents in today.
from gerg69 :
I could care less, is one I hate. If you could care less then why the hell are you bothering saying anything? It's I COULDN'T CARE LESS idiot." Supposably is another one.
from golfwidow :
Death to "irregardless".
from redstarhelix :
i'd spank don knotts' ass and make him call me aunt bea. i'd then cover him in liquid latex and ...ugh, i think i just grossed myself out.
from gerg69 :
Please ma'am, I want some more.
from rkwj1 :
Happy Holidays! Later, Rob
from fritzthecat :
Lynnda, I just found your page tonight - you are one of the funniest people I've come across - and very clever! I am enjoying your entries and wanted to send some love.
from dyingisanart :
it's hard to know whether to take that seriously or not... orphans are great, they gave us the version of annie where alan cummings sings 'easy street' but those kids are always getting free stuff and they just keep milking it. --Ciara
from leebozeebo :
Love ya, Bunny. Listen, things are hectic at the North Pole (my shrinking escalated and I've sought employment as an elf) but I've asked Santa to give you your Gameboy, and the opportunity to kick Janet Reno in the balls. He said you were on the naughty list like two thousand times, but I think I can get him to do it. Sorry I can't deliver on the ninja foot rub, but until I can figure out how to regrowify myself I have to lay low up here. Kisses, regardless. -Lee
from gerg69 :
GodDAMN you are so weird!! Your diary is great and so are you.
from redstarhelix :
i'd do don knotts for a mil, and i'm not even gay.
from kittyleopard :
Read your most recent entry today, and lets just elaborate by saying I had my mum asking me if I needed CPR. Kudos, chica!
from kittyleopard :
Read your most recent entry today, and lets just elaborate by saying I had my mum asking me if I needed CPR. Kudos, chica!
from miss-edith :
I just dropped by to say that I still love you!
from a-victoria :
I was thinking "boyfriends", not interns, but hey. To each his/her own.
from rkwj1 :
The other day I saw an SUV slide off the highway right in front of me and my little ford escort and I laughed and laughed and laughed. What a dumb ass! SUV or not, snow is slippery. later,ROB
from pandionna :
I hate to say this, but it gives me a perverse satisfaction to see SUVs slide off the road in the snow.
from scarydoll :
My only hope is that they will teach people like that to drive when they are in Hell.
from munkies-rule :
i figured you lived far off away. no one cool lives here. i've heard of the area within the city cause i gots family in columbus. maybe they'er the ones giving you cancer.
from oldmaid :
oh no! is kitty ok? *pets* for sickly kitty!
from leebozeebo :
Sweetie Pie, you need to hang onto me because I'm such a hot commodity and my layout is like 4 or possibly even FOUR times better than Hipookie's totally lame template design. Also I have a bigger penis. Would you like a ninja foot rub?
from son-shade :
Just when I think with the punchline, "A baby with a mouthful of razorblades" is the last funny thing that'll ever make me laugh - you lay that entry on us. Bra-fucking-vo. If I had idols, you would surely be one.
from son-shade :
Just when I think with the punchline, "A baby with a mouthful of razorblades" is the last funny thing that'll ever make me laugh - you lay that entry on us. Bra-fucking-vo. If I had idols, you would surely be one.
from golfwidow :
I think you might need some industrial-sized blenders, just so you can say to some of these moms, "Shut that devilspawn up or I'm gonna serve you an Ashley milkshake."
from redstarhelix :
two words to quiet the kids: ajax cookies.
from munkies-rule :
i read your diary thingy alot and ive always wondered... where the hell are you and your clan of dorky roomates located anyways? the one and the only, nicorette
from ionme :
"Dear woman in the inexcusably stupid tapered jeans and oversized Tasmanian Devil sweatshirt...YOU ARE AN ANUS. PLEASE DIE." LOL - good luck w/ all your men. I hear you, mormons rule!!
from whiskeyblood :
I wish I had something cooler to say, but all I can say is...BEEEEP *drool*. Holiday retail rots your brain. Kill Kill Kill!
from obi-char :
If I loved you any more, you'd be Jesus.
from obi-char :
Weh-heh-hell, would you like salt with the foot that you can now insert into your mouth?
from leebozeebo :
First of all, make me some pie. Second of all, MAKE ME SOME PIE. Love ya, honey. Cuddles, LeeboZeebo
from leebozeebo :
Sure, let's go steady. Do I have to wear a little apron or something? I don't know how much I'd like that.
from beagle47 :
cats suck.
from son-shade :
At first glance I thought "not good with colours" meant what I suffer from. See, I read bottom-up and started with the end. Anyhow, I'm an image guy. I can tell you an approx. CMYK breakdown of any colour I see, I've been doing it that long. But I can't mix and match them. I look like a retard on summer vacation when I dress myself - without female guidance, I'm so straight I'm eggy. I'm "not good with colours". The woman is just "not good with smart."
from redstarhelix :
egads, i've done something similar. but it was fds.
from oldmaid :
yay! i will give you a call on saturday!
from ionme :
yeah, so we know karma is a bitch. that cunt that tried to rip off the pregnant lady will get what she deserves!! i don't miss retail, especially right now. hang in there :)
from tokcocktok :
Hi there, I'm just randomly stopping by. Anyways, happy holidays :)
from oldmaid :
sooooooo. are you busy this weekend? specifically, are you busy late-night on saturday?
from pandionna :
She finished your crossword? Oh, no, no, no, it's all wrong. That is SO wrong. I can't stand people like that. Ex-Lax in her hot cocoa. Yes...
from munkies-rule :
hey if you want a 4th roomate again i'd be more than happy to shack up with a rage-filled dorky retail working highly comedic stranger, because alas i fit the profile as well.
from bitterlemon :
I enjoy clever people, but not as much as I enjoy clever-raging people. You seem to fall under this definition, good work! Snowragers suck, I'm from the Canadian Prairies and I'm surrounded by them here. (Mostly they're just old, but that's an entirely different reason for us to shoot them) One would think that every October when the snow starts to fall we were about to plunge into a six month state of emergency with no hope of rescue. I also find it amusing that people think it's a big surprise. Joke's on us, the season's changed again...
from ionme :
i heard you didn't get much snow, it rained there all of yesterday but we were the lucky ones, it snowed here all fucking day. i hate the snow but i don't freak out like that. i might bitch about scraping the 10 inches of snow off my car to leave for work though. fuck this weather, give me spring! congrats on the time off :)
from eggshelldanz :
Hah! you made my day up here in Rochester, NY on south shore of Lake Ontario. Can you say "wind chill?", "lake effect", and 18 inch dumps of snow at a time? You tell them wussies!
from trinabird :
hoo-fucking-ray for your vacation and it's unintended consequences for your cuntish co-workers! ah, karma.
from towelphaser :
about ten minutes ago, i wa doing that one-eyebrow-raised confused face thing and wondering aloud "who the fuck is idiot milk?", but hoo boy, now i know. NOW I FUCKING KNOW.
from dishdeter :
LMAO. Good for you. You must have like 50 ovaries or something.
from son-shade :
Heh. You fucking kill me.
from kittyleopard :
no problemo on the retardedness thingie, chica! I will be visiting often, so be sure to keep that level of A+ randomness. Ha.
from drahmaqueen :
Know what pisses me off? During hurricane season when the weather men say pen-nen-chula..instead of penninsula. And when people say nu-ku-ler intead of nuclear. I'm right there with ya!
from ionme :
let me know when you want to start slapping the dick's out of people's mouths because i need to get my bosses dick out of this guy's mouth at work. :P
from pandionna :
Ooh...OOOOOOOOOH! I'll be your best friennnnnd. *bats eyelashes*
from trinabird :
HAHAHA, YEAH! yay for miss mary sunshine, and totally, shit yeah, road trip for me when you're out of retail hell. road. trip.
from coyotesabre :
where the crap did you find shrinky dink paper?! i used to love those things! i think there's still garfield ones floating around my house from when i was, like, three...
from son-shade :
There's fucking tomes to be written about Shoddenfreuden. No exact translation from German, but it's that kinda joy people take in the misfortunes of others. Great fucking word.
from pandionna :
KISS Shrinky Dinks! Yes!
from irish-jack :
This Building Is TOTALLY Burning Down!
from kittyleopard :
hey, just wanter to say your diary rocks, and your friggin' hilarious!! Im adding you to my favs if thats ok!! Well cya!! Stop by sometime!! :)
from heidiann :
Dear IdiotMilk: I hate people too. Let us go on a claw hook/anal rape rampage together. Love and disgust, Heidi
from son-shade :
Fuuuuck. You really Get It. You see the thing that makes me, ME and you wish them to be anally raped by rabid wild dogs. I'm speachless, really.
from coyotesabre :
wo0t! go coyotes!! ::grins:: i actually would have probably run around madly with an iron bar and beat senseless anyone who i suspected to have come from that direction. you have more strength than i do.
from beagle47 :
'milk! the best approach for me has been to gather my writing for a certain period, give it a title and send it in as one submission. think of yourself has having written a 500 plus page novel here. print it out, send it in with a title and your money, wait for your certificate, dance with glee when you know it's yours and you can sue thieves of your work. so, take what you have now, print it out, give it a title, like, "truthes and consequences" by idiot-milk, send it in! piece of cake and quite satisfying. and, don't forget your friends in the 1) dedication 2) acknowlegements 3) liner notes to the spoken word cd.
from son-shade :
Monkies. It's always those daaahm filthy MONKIES!
from jezolina :
Yeah, 'specially bank people. (Sorry Jan!)
from son-shade :
Dangers of opening up in a blog, this outpouring of concern, but to quote Alfred E. Newman, "What, me worry?" I'm so not worried that I'm comfortable enough to hold up to my monitor, two tickets to Hawaii leaving in February. Jesus...was that mean or excited? Probably both. Ah, well, I didn't get the "Esq" by being couth. Try martinis. Makes getting pissed almost civilized and a damn good reason to eat olives on a toothpick.
from oldmaid :
*hugs* are you doing ok?
from son-shade :
Y'know what makes me happy when I'm feelin' blue? Drugs. I also like doing drugs, getting dressed in my best bowling regalia (replete with tri-colour shoes) and then going downtown and crash random hotel lobby banquets. Saturday, Rev and I found one with a...get this...CHOCOLATE FONDOUEUE FOUNTAIN! Try it. It's real easy to do and you meet some pretty strange cats. Chin up Doll.
from broken-doll- :
you made me laugh when i was in a shitty mood. so im adding you to my favourites.
from purex :
i hate that fake hair shit too. i would feel too much like a cancer patient if i ever bought one (nothing against ppl with cancer, im just sayin..)
from pandionna :
I saw those fake "falls" in CVS not long ago. They didn't catch on here on the East Coast. I was wondering where they went. Looks like we sent them to you!
from beagle47 :
'milk! so glad you asked. first, you cut and paste this into all of your templates: "� 200(x)-200(y) idiot-milk." fill in all years in which your stuff was written. that is all you have to do to prevent others from using your writing without permission. second: visit here http://www.copyright.gov/circs/circ1.html to officially register your work. good if you want to sue for money damages if yoru stuff is used without permission. a great way to make lots of decent charities richer (or, better yet, fulfill all of your personal greedy needs and wants with money from thieves). this will require a small fee and a printed copy of your stuff. the office is slow as hell in issuing their certificates, but you're protected from the filing not the issuance of the certificate. the certificate is really cool to get. you feel warm and fuzzy and like a, well, novelist or something funny like that. the easiest way i have found to print your stuff and send it is to use microsoft publisher, then block and copy from diaryland and paste to publisher. first i copy and paste the title from the "older entries" template, then go to the text itself. works like a charm and publisher offers you a nice invitation to lose the html crap. my stuff is all registered with certificate(s) which means i've had a few chances to get money damages. fun if you are ripped-off and even moreso if you can help a charity with it. i strongly advocate you register anything you care about or think is good with the copyright office. well worth the $30.00. start here and let me know if you have any other questions!
from zeroreverb7 :
you just brought tears to my eyes (you aren't a dork! no seriously!!) i Love you Milky...more than you will ever know. And I might take you up on that...I just might. You are so precious to me..and I thank YOU big hugs and sloppy kisses peace
from dishdeter :
OMG you make me laugh my ass off. While I have never had the pleasure of working in retail, I have to tell you, ALL co-workers are that annoying, all CUSTOMERS ANYWHERE are that annoying, and all bosses are dillholes. God, stop it, I'm going to pee in my pants. I officially rank you as #1 funniest diary here.
from bluering :
...for the sexing...i'm referring to sex as that from now on. jesus, did that ever make me laugh.
from staple-stuck :
as much as I've refrained from offering unsolicited advice, from one ear sufferer to another, try a water pill. For real-it'll help dry out that crap in your ears. oh, I firmly believe that if the world just sat down and ate a jar of Nutella, we'd have world peace.
from adventuresof :
So, you're hilarious, no? Yes. Note me back. -Elaina
from pandionna :
"Informer?" By Snow? Inforrrmer...skfownvoiwehasfkoew hibbity boom boom askdfoweiagvie a hibbity boom boom skjfowier errrrrrrrrrr Informer? I have that. On tape. God.
from nething315 :
just when I had FORGOTTEN about the jar of nutella hidden in my closet...how inspiring your diary is, whether it be for good or ill. Leave me in peace with my nutella festival.
from imperfectlyy :
~snicker~ to your 11-13-03 entry. ~snicker snicker~
from madamepierce :
I refuse to believe that Nutella does not actually make things better.
from rumblelizard :
So now he wants to know who YOU are!
from son-shade :
Heh. Eh-he-he-he. Ehhhhfunny.
from rumblelizard :
That is so totally him. I bet he was like, "No, Bill Niederst isn't my REAL NAME," because he changed it to Liam or whatever. You can see that he's using Liam in the pictures. People are funny sometimes. No matter; Sifl & Olly still rules!
from rumblelizard :
I emailed him and he denies his name is Bill Niederst!
from seven-point5 :
http://www.theonion.com/onion3637/aging_gen-xer.html WHO IS THAT IN THE TRASH CAN????
from oldmaid :
i will say a definite maybe on the dancing tomorrow, and yes to the goodbye party. um, where exactly is the goodbye party?
from zeroreverb7 :
come over here...I have some "juice"..we can share..and I won't take it away from you :) I heart you madly sweet girl Love YOU hugs mmwah Peace
from son-shade :
Ah, yes. The Baby With the Beer Bottle kida family. Mine too. One of my earliest memories of my Ma yelling at my Uncle David (about 17 at the time) for putting beer in my apple juice cup. Din't see the problem, cause Da made it quite a habit of puring me a shotglass of beer as we watched Ali or Forman on Wide World of Sports, or whatnot. I'm tellin' ya. I din't have a friken' chance.
from son-shade :
Maritimer Cure for you. Called a Hot Toddy (ya heard of it fer sure). Take a (yeah..you guessed it) CUPPA TEA, stick some honey in it and get a bottle of Glenfarclas (go for the old stuff). Say "fuck the tea" and pull the cork on the bottle of scotch. Dunno what it is about single malts, but it'll sweat the gunk outta ya in yer sleep, believe you me. And yes. Buckley's Mixture has the viscosity of cum. Works better than a "Lung Brush" though (their slogan is "Tastes Awful. But It Works.") What makes me drink it even today? What's left to be said about Camphor Flavoured Semen? Can't be any worse than what it tastes like normally, can it?
from rumblelizard :
So what was his real name? (The guy is a genius, IMO.)
from rumblelizard :
"Camphor in semen form"??? Jesus X. Christ! Do you think that's what he meant? What would a guy have to eat to make his semen taste like camphor?? Anyway, yeah, can you imagine how horrifying that would be, a yeast infection in your ear? Ugh! Anyway, sorry about the floppy earlobes, I think there are plastic surgeons you can see for that.
from son-shade :
You make me laugh. You are of The Blessed of the Few. When I was a kid we had this shit called "Buckley's Mixture" for colds, which was really just camphor in semen form. For the trots we had "Dr. Fowler's Extract of Wild Strawberry" which tasted like a melted licorice turd. I'm not shitting ya. Maritime Canadians are fucked. Ear ache? Blow smoke in it. Teething baby? Rum on the gums. Dry sockets? Loose tobacco in the holes. Sore throat? Tea. Upset stomach? Tea. Cancer? Tea. Death in the family? Tea. Fucking tribal.
from jezolina :
CALPYOUNUH? I still think you're right. After all this time.
from waycoolmama :
Glad to see you're feeling a bit better. Ear infections SUCK! And I did happen to catch the Femmes lyric title on Nov 7th. I was singing it for days until Journey titled your next entry and then I was shot back into 7th grade again hoping I would finally get my damn period like everyone else and sneaking little airplane bottles of Jack Daniels from the kitchen pantry. Ahhh... good times...
from waycoolmama :
Glad to see you're feeling a bit better. Ear infections SUCK! And I did happen to catch the Femmes lyric title on Nov 7th. I was singing it for days until Journey titled your next entry and then I was shot back into 7th grade again hoping I would finally get my damn period like everyone else and sneaking little airplane bottles of Jack Daniels from the kitchen pantry. Ahhh... good times...
from beagle47 :
'milk: your timing is, well, impeccable. unless of course you hate that word as do i, and then your timing would be flawless, or, well, just plain fucking perfect. you salvaged this miserable monday and, if by chance i die in my sleep tonight (damn, i should be so lucky...grrrrr) you should live knowing you brought a smile to my face just before the good (it is good, right?) universe saw fit to take me. if i wake up as i suspect i will tomorrow, i will read that note at least 4 times and smile before i drag my ass out to actually start working again (which will be 2 hours post start-time i'm sure). thanks, 'milk. sometimes you make it awfully hard to believe you're as hard as you write yourself out to be.
from red-wine :
Nov. 15 is my party, you mincey freak. Mainly a BYO event. Probably 9-ish til well into Sunday if I have my way. Bring the kids. Detials to follow. (But there's no saying it *won't* end up at Club Nastyrack!)
from booberella :
DO NOT GO TO THE ITTY TITTY BAR WITHOUT ME!!!!! I so wanted to go, but could not because of the level of intoxicated I had gotten to. It's your own damn fault for making me drink 115 beers.
from pandionna :
I hope you feel better. You hear me? Feel better. I said I HOPE YOU FEEL BETTER!
from ionme :
I hear there are pictures, you must share :)
from xanaxbabyx :
My hair has hurt too... Like... the roots of the hair right? It's creepy, but I think it's normal... I sure hope it's normal!
from red-wine :
Ohhhhhh, nooooo. I assume there was some splatter? *Cringe* I feel bad too, but considering we were all having a grand old laugh you're not alone. Also, you're entirely right: what the hell was she thinking? Maybe it was suicide.
from fixinto :
y'ever read Shel Silverstein? That poem with the little girl who makes up all these symptoms so she doesn't have to go to school? Just curious, is all. arm pit pains suck, though, for sure. i once got a rash from a deodorant and my arm pits felt like I had been hot ironing my pit hair. stay home and sleep. or drink. either way, woo hoo!
from his-holiness :
Quite a party then, eh?
from coyotesabre :
you know what? i think that's the first entry i've seen in a while from you that didn't have fuck in it at least once. good job... either that or damn you for getting behind in your work!
from red-wine :
Goddamnit! That just made me spew half chewed cereal all over my monitor.
from red-wine :
Good luck on the interview! And if I pass out in your bed Saturday, have your way with me. Just don't jostle too much, okay? Hey, call me before then and let me know what I can bring.
from gwensworld :
i laughed, i cried, i laughed til i cried and wish i had never given in to temptation and read your diary...for now i must add you to my favorites and read you often.
from drahmaqueen :
oops...quit. Dammit!
from drahmaqueen :
I wuit smoking too...day #5 on the fucking patch...I want to choke people at some points during my day... And how are you?!?
from drahmaqueen :
I wuit smoking too...day #5 on the fucking patch...I want to choke people at some points during my day... And how are you?!?
from dyingisanart :
i luv your diary and added you to faves- check mine out
from red-wine :
Well, *I'm* excited for the party! No costume ideas yet though. Maybe I could be one of your diet casualties? Just follow you around and lie behind you in a bloody and dead manner?
from zeroreverb7 :
YOU Heart Meee!!!!! I Heart YOU too!!!!!!:) mmmmwahhhhhh hugs hugs hugs Love you Peace
from ionme :
Ack! The short....I looked in the mirror to see how they looked from the back. It made me want to stick a broom stick down my throat and make everything I've eaten in the past month come up. Gross! I hope you have the bestest Halloween party EVER!
from gnomad :
i attempted to send you a pony per our conversation; thinking that would cheer you up and put you right again. however, the one thing i took to be your email bounced back as nonexistant. ahhhh not stalkable has it's bennies, but then you don't get a pony, do you?
from likeaforest :
ms. milk: you came highly recommended from todd, and after having read bunches of entries, i now see that he's quite right. your journal is lovely, even in spite of the temporary blindness i endured while clicking on some of the arse related links.
from pandionna :
Painkillers and gin? I was thinking a penis.
from whiskeyblood :
So the dole won't be here for another week and I won't be able to make it to Columbus...but let me canive and see what I can come up with. If I can somehow get $75.00 I think that that would be enough for me to be able to have enough gas to get there and back as well as food. I eat like a hog, ya know. I just don't think I can do a costume...god. I don't know what to do. PLEASE DON'T HATE ME!!!!
from ionme :
I know what you mean. If you have one, there will be more. The trick is, not eating the first one. Hah. Easier said than done. I am glad I haven't had the pleasure of a pumpkin truffle, for serious, I would be doomed! I should just take a picture of my shorts I tried on last night that were too tight, you know, the love handles in all their glory. Maybe that would make me not eat dessert. I hope your party is a success!! I think I know what you need but, I won't go there haha
from moretoknow :
You need...trail mix with WHITE chocolate chipies :D No, actually...if I could suggest anything, seriously get yourself somewhere scream at the top of your fucking lungs and just let it go, feels oh so good. If you feel like throwing things, do it, just let it go and be CRAZY! (not that you aren't normally)
from whiskeyblood :
dude...my homegrown totally on the dole punk ass. that's what you need and that's what you're gonna get next week. BOO fuckin' YAAAA! thank you for you nicey nice words!
from macrocarpa :
You need... To go try on funny hats. Seriously. And take lots of pictures. Don't forget to post them. :-P
from pandionna :
You ask what you need to get you out of your funk. Don't open a door like that for me. I could say all kinds of things.
from pandionna :
Fear not! One day is nothing in the grand scheme of nutritional balance. You've been doing well, and your body is changing, and this isn't going to throw you off course. Really. I promise. Tomorrow is a new day, and you'll kick ass.
from breadisdead :
dude, something way worser than not being told you have a quarter stuck to your cheek is nobody telling you about the chocolate stuck to the ass of your pants, yo. Fuh.
from whiskeyblood :
yeah..no..i have no invite anywhere to be [email protected] sucks a dog dick it's what I got...yo.
from seven-point5 :
so when you say alcoholically challenged, what exactly do you mean by that? Just curious, maybe we can compare notes. love, molly
from golfwidow :
I think I want to go, next time. (Journalcon, that is.)
from whiskeyblood :
I'll be there..I just have to figure out my costume. Of course there's always the hitch that I won't be able to figure it out. That would be bad. Well...I'll just put on a hoodie and call myself Donnie Darko. I'm sure that's never been done before EVER! If my mctummster isn't better I will have to remain sober as well and that is a sad state of affairs indeed. *sigh* STUPID ULCER!
from discodave :
I'm going for "or something", to be frank. Don't feel bad, though. That poster said "wanted", anyway. Dxx
from argylecool :
Is that an invitation? Won't you be working? Maybe we can say that I needed your opinion on an outfit...
from golfwidow :
I was talking about Journalcon. Are you going to Journalcon?
from imperfectlyy :
If only I could mess with people like that (such as putting notes in drawers) while keeping a straight face. Damn my unstraight face...
from unfixed :
i hear there is a blue-light special on lives at wal-mart, this week only.....
from voidmoonbeam :
yeh, having worked with children and their parental units seporatly at my last job, I will say that mommy and daddy are about 150% worse than their kid. At least the kid doesn't know any better, and you can teach them good manners. The adults are a lost cause.
from killpeach :
Evil little children cuck and their parents who suck even more.Your diary is funny as hell and keep writting. It's awesome.
from golfwidow :
Eww. Beyond gross. (That that person was allowed to breed, I mean. Irresponsible much?)
from idleheaded :
wow. i'm really sorry to hear about that kid. lol. i have never heard the term "horking" before. it's amusing. thanks for making me laugh tonight. ^^
from moretoknow :
I had a thought...what if you put SMALL white chocolate chips instead of semi-sweet? They're not as sweet as milk, they won't be overpowering because they're small, and they'd go with those blueberries and brazil nuts SO well...just a thought.
from zeroreverb7 :
I uh got my haircut ..yeah..so..uh..all I have to say is..uh...Move Over Ted Koppell! Make Way for His Soccer Mom Sister!! Oh Yeah! I think the only thing that would make me feel better is a big Milky Hug and a Bowl full of Milky Trail Mix...I Love YOU...mmmwah Hugs Peace
from whiskeyblood :
Bank. BANK account. Perhaps I should be the one retard clapping.
from whiskeyblood :
For serious you need to totally do that retard clap..I'll do my one handed clap. Perhaps I'll come as stephen hawking...hawkins...hawkeyes stephen with a blowtube...wait...ANYWAY there's like a 75% chance I'll make it...I just have to wait and see how my back account recovers from the latest beating it took.
from breadisdead :
hello, i hope you don't mind i added you to my buddy list. okthanksbye!
from unfixed :
i love your links. they have kept me endlessly amused. (i do, um, have a life...)
from glassshell :
love? what is love?
from whiskeyblood :
So like..um..yeah. This is the ol' Gagster and I just wanted to say that I have a place to crash for the weekend in Cbus. SO..now all i have to do is motivate myself and find the money to actually drive out there for your party. I wonder what kind of costume I will wear. *scratching chin* Perhaps I'll wear light blue construction paper and go as a Diaryland Profile. That would be HOT, eh?
from discodave :
You just have to be crazy, don't you? Ahhh - I crack myself up sometimes... Dxx
from beagle47 :
hi, i need to break a personal vow to myself today and i figured "where better to do it than idiot-milk's notes, right?" go figure. anyway: WHAT THE FUCK???? hey, look, i vowed to TRY not to curse, not to actually stop forever. one slip, ONE FUCKING SLIP, OKAY???? thanks, 'milk. i seriously don't know what i'd do without this place in cyber space. ;)
from gagfactor :
Dude, I'm so there. Lemme make some plans and arrangements and do some calculus with my fingers and we'll see if I can come out there and get drunk and talk about anal fisticuffs. I so want to meet SOMEONE from diaryland in real life...like...fo shizzle. *wouldn't "fo' shizzle" mean "for shit?" Perhaps I'm still not black enough.
from argylecool :
Mental note: have sex with girlfriend in a dressing room
from mom-on-roof :
just a quick note to thank you ever so much for linking me to "Hairy Ass-Man Faye". I love my Hairy Ass, I cannot start my day without a big steaming cup of Hairy Ass Move It Move It. My kids are grateful also, as they run screaming from the room every time they hear it.
from laughercurve :
Hi, I clicked over from the Ministry of Silly Walks. If it's any consolation, I've come home from SuperCrud looking like <a href="http://laughercurve.diaryland.com/030417_1.html">Congressman Jim Traficant</a>, who believe me, Mr. Koppel has much better hair than.
from gagfactor :
I am so drunk that it hurts right now, but I HAVE to tell you that you make my gut muscles hurt. I laughed so fucking hard at the homeless man's comment that my left eye is bleeding. Like, vampire was hangin' a little too close to the upper portion of my face bleeding. Wait. What? Fuck. Sorry...ILOVEYOUSOMUCHMYRECTUMHURTS. Toodles.
from beagle47 :
thanks, 'milk. you know i've heard that said about me before. spider, cockroach, ant, scorpion, silverfish...oh, wait, you wrote "HUG." "HUG!!" damn, i thought you wrote "BUG!" never mind.
from pandionna :
It's better that you maintained your integrity. I agree with you whole-heartedly.
from beagle47 :
i've known that about you since the day i started reading your, er, *stuff.* you did a great thing, 'milk. good karma will follow (and bad will bite your current wieners right on the, well, is "ass?" swearing when not used in conjunction with "hole?" anyway, i'm proud of you.
from son-shade :
S'called professionalism and it's a rare fucking commodity. Goes beyond the "shoulds" and is all about the "have tos". I've only up and quit once in which I was escorted under duress from the tower, but righteousness was on your side - no doubt. Righteousness is wrenched from the teeth of frothing wolves and is not without peril, my child. But fear not for flaming Malatov cocktails of the righteous shall overcome the wicked and thus will be borne a new day. A day in which Common fucking Sense will overcome the faceless troglodytes and whelpish weaklings of the Ignorant and the Righteous shall walk UNAFRAID of their obvious super powers. THUS SPAKETH, thus endeth. Walk with grace and spit not into the wind. CAN I GETTA HALLELUJA OVER HERE?
from son-shade :
Bra-fucking-vo. The shit you sling in there? That's what the fuck I'M talkin' 'bout. I'm banging my hob-nailed boot on the table, for you've pleased me.
from mickey225 :
Count me in as well for the drinking on Saturday!!!
from gnomad :
OO! Sign me up! I'm all about something other than being stuck at work on a Saturday!
from glassshell :
*cries* why wont you love me?...sorry im being neurotic again.
from sdrawkcab01 :
In today's rush-rush society, the ancient art of toasting pop-tarts has been lost. I fear for our future as a nation.
from brdwaybebe :
I'm a Jesusy people. I'm on the praying thing! I really hope you get the job you're supposed to get and I'll be sending up the prayers for that very thing. You'd be amazed at the lack of flames if you send some up for yoursefl as well. I'll be sure to stay tuned and see what happens. Take Care! Christy
from munkies-rule :
could i be initiated into your fan club because you're awesome
from amnesiafaker :
...tonight, and every Saturday, I work until the drunks shuffle out. Around 3 am. Ten-thirty is when the club starts getting packed, though, so I see how you might run into trouble getting in. I'll pity you that far =)
from pandionna :
You and my huz, both. He's closing tonight, at 11:00. He'll be home around midnight.
from red-wine :
Re: movie tomorrow. Absolutely! Call me tonight or tomorrow (I'm off) and we'll do logistical ops.
from coyotesabre :
you seem cool, i'd probably make the drive to get it for you =).
from pandionna :
Oh my. Oh my, my, my. Those links are wonderful. I need to get me some Bush asshole mosaics.
from hangover :
cherry vanilla phosphate from Saywell's and Spaghetti-O's? No wonder you're sick. Just reading that made me sick
from gnomad :
Ok. Ok. You win. I no longer THINK I'm in love with you, I absolutely know it beyond the shadow of a doubt. Even if you DID make me spit coffee all over my desk and nearly meet an untimely demise from the resultant choking incident brought on my laughter at your brilliance. But I do. I love you. *handsmooch*
from glassshell :
i wanted to stalk you...to get some hair for the shrine right...but i dont know whereyou live or anything so im leaving you a note...to let you know that im madley obsessed with you.
from rainforme :
i luv me some big lots. although, why did they have to change the name from pic n' save? i miss snickering booger jokes to myself. love notes. mental note added. thx!
from rainforme :
poppy you say?!! what brand is it? i'm always on the lookout for fab lip gloss.
from ker :
I got dibs since last summer when he came to Toronto and I nearly creamed myself. I'm not the fan type, but it took my 5 tequilas just to calm down.
from fixinto :
no kidding. that stupid poppy field, standing out in front of the castle and watching the spooky ass guards, the freakin' flyin' monkeys. Amen, honey. That movie scares the bejesus out of me, too.
from drahmaqueen :
...and when you put together a panel of taste testers...I wanna be one!!! That sounds good. Lemme know where to sign.
from beagle47 :
'milk! to paraphrase bob dylan, where have you been, my blue-eyed one? tonight i feel like whispering some private philosophy to you which we two alone share, but hide from the world as we snicker to ourselves heartily. but, alas, i've sworn-off cursing and no true private philosophy is swearword-less. so, instead, let me just write: i sure do like you 'milk, especially when you note me out o' the blue. keep writing or i'll fall into the depths of despair (or something like it anyway). peacers.
from ker :
I've been reading your diary for months for the sheer spite-factor, but now that I've seen your Pratchett-related banner ad... well, you're awesomer than I thought.
from pandionna :
Cooking, autumn, yes. Something about the harvest. And Libra in the sky. Yes.
from kimbarley :
I was wanting to share a pic with you after the entry the other day and well I'm not sure I sent it to the right email and so I'll just link it. http://kimbarley.diaryland.com/images/bigcupof11.jpg
from zeroreverb7 :
I love You :) Hugs Peace mwah
from drahmaqueen :
Lemme just say 4 words...No Sugar Added Fudgsicles. yum. I am addicted. They are almost orgasmic...you should try. Ok, I know that is more than 4 words. Oh, and the best part?...45 calories each..and the serving size is TWO...heh...gotta follow directions on the box, right? 3 whopping grams sugah...cool.
from jtodd :
i love poptarts!
from beagle47 :
that jeffrey. why didn't i think of the closet???
from rainforme :
laughing insanely is not conducive to promotions. i�ve made my lip bleed, trying to restrain my cackling. the more i read... wowee, i might need a transfusion soon. you ROCK.
from bubbleviciou :
Mmm, pumpkin soup! Any chance you want to share the recipes? I have an excellent recipe for pumpkin ice cream pie (which is very different from regular pumpkin pie and therefore I don't think you would find it to be disgustingly foul.) As for glassblowing, there is no doubt in my mind that I would also set my shoes on fire. I had a little mishap one day when I tried to weld without gloves. Anyhow, a great many jack'o-lanterns and truffles to ya.
from thedarkwell :
power to thee, fellow carb-abstainer! (I subsist on vodka, cheese strings and the random spoonful of dill pickle dip [I do atkins the lazy way] but I always get thwarted by yogurt covered raisins. ALWAYS.)
from rainforme :
i like your diary. you're fun.
from beagle47 :
ah, my carefree days of childhood slavery. gosh, "don't it always seem to go, that you don't know what you got 'til it's gone?" things are just so damn dandy here i'm plotting of a million ways to escape this bastion of conservatism which surrounds me daily and which has now engulfed my empty soul. know anyone who's looking for a faithful dog and willing to pay six, er, well, as long as i'm yappin', seven figures for him? let me know and i'll work up a resume. oh, and on a serious note, thanks for cracking my ass up. lately, it has truly been one seriously good deed.
from beagle47 :
note-e-no, note-e-no, no-no-no...oh, hey! fancy seeing me here! what am i up to? sure has been a while. well, great to note you again. say 'hi' to the kids for me, will ya?
from dullthud :
I've come to embrace the not-sleeping thing, not least because without it I'd never get round to doing my laundry. Not a rollercoaster of thrills there, but hey.
from gnomad :
oh my GOD. i just came across your diary and i think i'm in LOVE! Woo!
from mattferrara :
i'm doing that not-sleeping thing, too. fucking sucks.
from gagfactor :
But couldn't I do that right now considering I'M STANDING RIGHT OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE WATCHING YOU THIS VERY MINUTE?!??
from gagfactor :
it's on there...the list i mean. It's just that i hate it there and ohio in general. I don't need any air borne AIDS in my food. That place is just too gay.
from kimbarley :
Amen on the babies. People are forever telling me my view will change as I get older but the years keep ticking by and I still think nearly every baby I've seen is more like a Mr. Magoo then a precious little angel.
from nething315 :
ah-but what's even BETTER is when your bra, socks, and UNDIES match all together! At once!!
from fixinto :
Teaching in a college has taught me one thing. People who ask you to repeat yourself usually heard you the first time and either want to make sure they can still hear, OR, as you pointed out, want you to give them the answer they want. Do this: when they ask you to repeat yourself, say something totally different than you did the first time. This keeps them occupied for a good half hour. THEN, if they ask you again, say something totally off subject. They will usuualy walk slowly away and not bother you again.
from mychoice :
The sunroof thing. Laughed my ass off. To fight OCD, though, try my system. I put stickies on the fridge (yes I DID get the idea from the commercial), and it so damn works. I'm doing things into next week now, and have daily magnets to put the stickies under. But even I would have forgotten the sunroof - which is why I don't leave mine down. Too fucking stupid to remember rain. Call your insurance company, you could say the seal leaked....
from funnyfrog :
myfriends and i are simpsons lovers and this whole weekend has been about tasting like burning, haw-haw
from waycoolmama :
It was making me crazy... then after about 15 minutes I said out loud... "Yeah! The Femmes! Alright.... cool!" Out loud, because I'm a dork... and now I'm singing it. It's rainy here too. Coincidence? Hmmm.....
from gagfactor :
Don't worry...soon enough he'll get the gay aids and be out of your hair. All them gays get it ya know. It's god's way.
from no-and-then :
I read your entries all the time and I really enjoy hating the jovial one with you. With that said, I hate to be the one to inform you that guesstimate is a real word. It's a math term. The combination of an estimate and an educated guess (which are pretty much the same thing). I know, it's stupid. But, true.
from ordinarykat :
i hope you slap the bitch.
from oldmaid :
yes, sept. 6th it is! yay for parties!
from discodave :
Where are Jay and Silent Bob when you need them - they'd kick the little brats' asses. Dxx
from discodave :
I've discovered the way to shut kids up in stores. I work with stock and frequently have cages on the shop floor. I just go all Childcatcher-like and tell them that's where they have to stay unless they quit asking "Mummy Go Bathroom!". Or they actually construct a coherent sentence with pronouns. Dxx
from obi-char :
Okay, so what's the deal. You come into chat once every thousand years, and TONIGHT when you decide to grace us with your presence, YOU CAN'T FUCKING SEE ME!! I swear, I must've cried out the sweet name of BEULAH like 50 gajibillion times!!! Oh, what a cruel, cruel world we live in. YAHOO IS A WHORISH FART. Sigh.
from beagle47 :
2003-08-21 - 6:48 p.m. i love you.
from jezolina :
well besides the obligatory family sunday dinner.... NOTHING BUT YOU BAYBEE!! YAY!
from discodave :
I could never be bothered being nice to customers - well, maybe the woman who gave me a backrub while I sold her shoes. Hey - if you did lose your job over it, you can always smash every one of the feeble-minded idiots to pulp should you choose to exact revenge. That's some compensation, right? Dxx
from bluering :
your love for cabbage aside (no comment), does this mean you'll come after me if i put it: idiot-milk really does have a heart! on a tee shirt?? it would be cute. i'd do it in pink and glitter. puffy paint maybe. ooh. i could do your name in puffy paint...
from fixinto :
I have said it once, and I will say it again. Jolly people would not be so damned jolly, and no where near as obnoxious, if they had a couple nails in their heads. Not long nails, just long enough to hurt and stick in there good. We all need to carry nail guns with us everywhere we go.
from splinter- :
I love it when you get angry. Oh...wait you're always angry. Well then... hmm... I know how you feel, though, about the Jovial Brat. I have one at work, and she's the...."shudder"....receptionist. So she's really spreading her joviality.. Ugh.
from fixinto :
yeah, mosquitos suck ass. oh, wait! actually, in your case, they really DO suck ass.
from beagle47 :
of course it won't be pretty, it will be beautiful. now, with that sweet sentimentality behind us, go kick sugar and nicotine ass, would you? they're both a couple o' _ _ SS _ _ S! (i, for one, am pulling for you...)
from splinter- :
A trick that worked for me... on the cover letter for your resume, write: "Take a chance on someone who wants to work." It worked for me. It's pretty much how I got the job I'm at now. Oh and also my fabulous personality and stunning good looks had soemthing to do with it. Uh huh. Try it. What have you got to lose? And good luck.
from thatgrrrl :
I think it's you, calling yourself from 10 minutes into the future. How many calls did you get? And then how many times did you call the number? Uh-huh. See? You, 10 minutes into the future. Oh, and me? Another sci-fi geek grrrl. :)
from zeroreverb7 :
Its just mothman calling..you know like from that movie..its all ok..its just a moth. Thanks for your Note Love...I think you're right. Love You Dearly Hugs mmmwah Peace :)
from lia-d :
The red is there because you've fucked-up the link... it should be </a>, not <a/>... Oh, and you did it TWICE! XD - The entry about people getting offended was brilliant, by the way. I tried sign your guestbook but it won't load, not today nor yesterday...
from golfwidow :
Logan's Run fan? Rock!
from discodave :
Mmm - Jenny Agutter... You know, you're probably doing people a service by ranting every so often. After all, if you didn't vent your rage, you'd probably end up in a clock tower with a rifle. Dxx
from beagle47 :
ah, yes now, where did i leave off? i am without curse words, thus bereft of anything indecent to write to you. 'milk? i have always been a coffee man myself, no cream. what is a dog to do without a _ _ _ _ ing foul vocabulary? oh, one more thing in all sincerity: thanks for blessing my little notes to you. i am most chipper in spite of it all because of it. peace. (and i really mean that).
from l-a-i :
yeh, go on, nothings gonna stop ya *scuse me im drunk.....*
from melomane :
The first one is profane, and the second one is obscenely profane. Oh yeah, baby, I knows me the naughty words categories.
from obi-char :
I was wondering if I could borrow your thing about me and my friends ending up in heaven and causing utter chaos as a way to deter attempts of conversion. Because christ, that's great.
from bellhead :
can you come to MY work and do that? I had the same problem at my job and, long story short, I had asked for a whole weekend off ( for a tournament ).. not only did they schedule me saturday, but sunday as well. They basically told me that i HAD to show up because there was no one to work my shift for me. That was horse shit, so i told them i wasn't going to show, and i didn't. The next week, they had a computer make up the schedule. It was sweet for a little while, but then the shit began to hit the fan when managers started to fuck around with the computer-made schedule. I hate those fuckholes.
from beagle47 :
MILK! we're all dying a slow death and there is nothing i can do to stop it {he cries-out desperately}. but, gee, your note sure eased my slow torture! ;) i've curtailed my cursing, so, what the (expletive deleted) is goin' on?
from kristintracy :
your picture is upside down on your profile!!! hahahahaaa! you're CRAZY!
from bellhead :
i applaude you, friend... fantastic entry
from rockitten :
You know, I'm not convinced that any bank is better. All of my friends and I have different bank, and two of them have recently gotten screwed over in the same method by their bank. I was planning on changing, but after seeing what has happened to them, I don't think there's any point in bothering. A hole in the mattress is looking better and better.
from fixinto :
When people whine with that "When life hands you lemons" SHIT I usually interupt by saying, "You should kill yourself." It usually stops the whining. Your entry has kept me laughing. As my grandpa would say, I wish I could bottle you up and pour you where ever I need you.
from red-wine :
(guestbook sucky-suck!) I say, if life hands you lemons, inflict hundreds of paper cuts on the lemon-hander, slice open the lemons the let the juice drizzle all over them. Yeah, so. I mailed my thesis today, I get paid tomorrow, and I'm off this weekend. I think celebration is in order. PROVE to me your committment to drink more! And I have some books for you too. Don't know if you'll like them, but they're free so quit your whining, you ungrateful bitch. Ummm....call me, 'kay?
from beagle47 :
allow me one sappy moment (as though you had a choice)? thank you, 'milk. i really needed that note. now, back to my usual programming...
from oldmaid :
i might be able to go out on saturday - boyfriend got cirque du soleil tickets, so it depends on what time the show gets out. because of course if there's a chance that your schedule might let you off for an evening, my schedule has to try to butt in.
from beagle47 :
hello again. would being away this long convince you that i am not a/your stalker, because if so, i would like to leave you some notes again because there just is no response like an idiot-milk response. thank you for your kind attention. -=anotherdlandfreak=-
from discodave :
Oops, apologies for offending your delicate sensibilities with that one... Now you say it, I'm not entirely sure if the "e" has been dropped after all. Damn. That'll bring an attack on for me now. But, to answer your question, yeah, I'm happy. Other peoples' misfortunes are a cause of great mirth to me. (I can't spell schardenfreude. Clearly.) Dxx
from waycoolmama :
God damn, you're funny! p.s. I found that a chicken (or a goat's head... or even a poster of Scott Baio) hanging above the front door will help rid those pesky Watchtower distributors and the like.... keep your home safe and free from future Recruiters of the Lord.
from sadnow :
Hi, just a random reader who stumbled upon you diary and absolutely LOVED it. It is so entertaining it's almost not real :) <3<3 -Carrie
from imperfectlyy :
I usually enjoy your entries anyway but I sure do like this one about pirates...~sigh~
from golfwidow :
Thanks for your support and your offers to break people's bones for me. You rock.
from fixinto :
I am so glad I came upon your diary. Okay that sounded way dirty and too British. Lemme try it again. I am so glad I found your diary. Funny, funny, funny. Yeah. That's better.
from funda :
enjoying your strangeness.
from rockitten :
Oh wow. Nothing like a little bank fucking. I feel for you dear. Are you still with US B@nk? Cause, see, as you probably just learned, they will let you use money that you just put in and then tell you since the check hadn't cleared yet, it wasn't really there. And then ass fuck you with fees. That's what happened to us a couple months ago. Almost exactly. And if it's NOT them, who is it? That way I'll know who to avoid.
from sixonenine :
wow, you get that excited over seeing a small group of mexicans? you should come to san diego, where i'm at. i live like 15 miles from tijuana, and it's like non-stop mexican-people party down here. i think you'd be in heaven. maybe.
from idiot-milk :
http://doxdesk.com/parasite/
from diaryquotes :
this is why i keep my money in a mattress. or buried in a coffee can out in the back yard. i also hunt varmints.
from oldmaid :
don't worry - my birthday was yesterday, but the celebrating will be on saturday :) too hard to go out drinking on a wednesday. though i plan on going out tonight, too. hmmmm.
from frisbee01 :
dude, that magnet is too creepy. the eyes remind me of the bad guy on "who framed roger rabbit," the part where he goes all psycho. i was afraid of that guy for a while. still kinda am...ewwww...creepy. but definitely a cool ass magnet
from muxxie :
hmm saw the claw pic and it looks nice to me...curious though -please don't hurt me my dad is handicapped so I know how bad questions can be!- but I was wondering why it was painted and it looked like a bit of a press-on nail. so, is it really real or just a prop done to make your point sound? either way it works for me :)
from steffaneee :
Dude, I can't believe you say "huzzah!". I thought I was the only one! yay!
from piehole :
Where the feck is your email address? GAK! Where?! Where!? WHEEEEERE!?!? ... Also, the house gymnastics? BA HA HA HA HAHA!
from lord-jesus :
I feel compelled to thank you for acknowledging me in your profile! I'll put in a word with the Big Guy for you ;) ! -J35U5 <3'5 U
from tsinaip :
DEAR IDIOT-MILK, I JUST READ YOU DIARY I AM ALSO IN A PERPETUAL BAD MOOD. AND, I BET MY PROBLEMS ARE BETTER THAN YOURS. PS, YOU SUCK :)
from warmleftover :
What I WANT you to join friendster.. I NEED you too... its GOOOD...join ussss....brains...we need brains.... sweet juciy brains.
from petamanic :
heh, love your diary, something i can enjoy.... :)
from kill-my-star :
i have some ocd too! and...well half a psychiatric dictionary full of other things that make me SUPER special...anyhow, not the point! you know what need warning labels? CHILDRENS CHEWABLE VITAMINS. i mean. not those little unreadable font sized ones either. big ones. that say 'highly addictive'. because they are. because the taste...just...so...good. and i can tell you what happens when you eat more than half a bottle of childrens centrum complete. you feel ill for a bit. and your pee turns neon yellowy mountain dew colored. it was truly an enlightening experience. i dont know why im telling you this...maybe because i feel you can relate to my incident somehow? woot!
from no-and-then :
I have OCD too. I know you probably don't care, but oh well. At least you understand that I didn't really want to leave this note. But once the thought was in my head I had too. Or else it would be there all day. It's fuckin' crazy.
from golfwidow :
So, did it make you feel better? 'Cos if it did, I think I'll start taking buttons too.
from oldmaid :
thank you for the herbal advice, particularly the tasty ideas for sage. mmmm, pork and sausages! see you tomorrow!
from weezer1d :
sequel, i meant SEQUEL DAMMIT! me talk pretty one day
from localaura :
Bukkake-grams? I'll take four. All for my dad.
from kill-my-star :
wow...i just found the motherload of all pointless sites containing hilarious information. http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/text/ and theres even a super cool 'leet translator' for all our super cool leet needs...because leet talk is so covenient. and then you must read the story called 'shes f*cked'. bwahar. and uhm, poor mister old laptop....-shifts eyes around-
from gagfactor :
Pride in Columbus can be likened to a crop duster full of AIDS flying over a huge crowd of people. No thanks...I'll stick to video games and dildos. Also, be careful what you wish for, becase I may just appear in Columbus on that weekend an bring my girls to your Titty Cake party. mmm...boobs. mmmm...cake. =)
from muxxie :
so how do we go about ordering a bukake gram? I am willing to test drive the idea!
from kill-my-star :
HOLY GOD! if you havent seen this yet....you must see it. of all the people out there, and i dont even know you, i think you would enjoy it the most. so...knock your heart out --> http://ssshotaru.homestead.com/files/aolertranslator.html
from devouredsoul :
Hello! If you or anyone you know would like their diary reviewed go to http://diary-viewer.diaryland.com and sign the guestbook for a review!
from oldmaid :
thanks - it helps to know that people are thinking of me. and if only i weren't out of town this weekend, i would *so* take you up on that vodka! (and probably the shoulder, too)
from kill-my-star :
mwahar...stupid language and stupid words put carelessly into stupid sentences, keke. i do not know of billy ocean. but i dont think i want to. in fact, i KNOW i dont want to. but i am sure he is a hairy-bunghole-shit-for-brains MOROM. you heard me. morom. i think its a breed of 'mentally delayed' moron....
from knotagain :
Well don't forget his other gem, "When the Going Gets Tough." Remember? The one he did for that godawful movie, Romancing the Stone? I count Billy Ocean in my "Crimes Against Humanity" list. He's up there with Phil Collins and Billy Joel.
from kill-my-star :
how is it a FAIRLY crappy week? shouldnt it be UNFAIRLY crappy week? what is WRONG with the english language? since when was a crappy week fair for anyone, even if they were a cat-nazi or bible-fucker or anyone? odd, thats what it is...
from golfwidow :
Sorry. I'll take my inobservant dorkitude and leave quietly.
from muxxie :
I agree with boob. remember that simpsons episode where Nelson insults this HUGE guy in a teeny volvo and the guy steps out and pulls down Nelson's pants and makes him walk through Springfield waving at everyone while they all go HAHA at him? well, as my dad always said, big things come in small packages and big guys like to drive teeny sports cars. therefore, big guy in teeny sports car=big dick for asian woman.
from golfwidow :
http://www.engrish.com might clarify those teeshirt slogans for you. Notice I didn't say it would *explain* them. You'll understand when you see it. Great site.
from booberella :
men in big cars = small penis. men in small cars = [theoretically] big penis. the other slogan, you're on your own. i have no idea.
from knotagain :
I'm sorry. Because I rely on headhunters and recruiters for employment. I should have told you sooner...
from warmleftover :
Ho was your weekend? Mine involved allergies and a fair amount of bruising along the right side or my nose. I need less bruise prone hobbies.
from kill-my-star :
ive actually thought those same thoughts about driving blind. maybe we belong in special ed together....and i can send you valentines. 'i choo-choo-choooose you'. rawr. special ed for the wannabe blind.
from gagfactor :
Goddamn I love you more than band music and cookie making!
from warmleftover :
That would be swell! I knew that you loved me. You are so dainty and sensitive. Thank you.
from warmleftover :
I have told them you are also evil, but it is just not sticking. You need to post pics of you doing something evil, like cheating on your SATs, that would help.
from warmleftover :
Well, this sucks. My friends have been reading your diary and the notes you and have have been leaving each other. They think you are sweet and I am evil. I am forbidden to hook up with you. My friends are deebs.
from oldmaid :
i'd love to get something together for friday! you still have my #, right? and syncope has my email. see you soon!
from lezbian :
hahahaha. You're on the dogs with mullets search! How funny! How did you discover this?
from seven-point5 :
I am not sure what the situation was that made those kids send you scolding emails but if there is anyone in the world that can appreciate your insensitivity its me. I too, am guilty of insensitivity and hostility but probably for different reasons. Its sucks when people tell you to change.
from hangover :
I must take umbrage with your slammning of the foreigners. We welcome them with open arms and open legs. What harm could come from them? Signed, The conquered 16th century North and South American Continent people. The Australian continent as well. AND the penguings of Antartica
from warmleftover :
I have no Hawaiian Punch, I have rot-gut run and porn involving people like you. Will that do?
from warmleftover :
I have a new story.. what would the Baby Jesus think of it?
from oldmaid :
if you're feeling better, would you like to get together this weekend? a couple of my friends are going to check out bento-a-go-go saturday - wanna come? (if you're feeling better that is. sushi + sake + sick = bad)
from beagle47 :
no stinking, stalking, religious psychos? doesn't that violate some kind of law? (damn, left-off the party list again...)
from muxxie :
hey im, found you through warmfuture and had to read someone sexually free...happy to note that not everyone is happy either, personally if I could find a nice hot girl to go eat I would be a much happier girl but I can't...they scream and yell at me when I grab their asses *sigh* so I am even slightly jealous that you get to hang out with grabby lessies, the lessies around here suck, and not very well either.
from kimbarley :
I want to live near you!!!
from oldmaid :
i can't do a cookout this weekend, unfortunately, but we should definitely get together soon!
from scorpluvchoc :
i so agree with all the happy and love bs, im in high school and everyone around me acts like they are all in love and found the one. and i don't believe it for a minute. Ooh and i wish they would stop kissing in front of me. its so gross. makes me want to gag.
from milk-kisses :
Never adjust the meds. You and I both know that the happy bastards are pure evil, and so are public displays of affection. Even if they ARE just holding hands, they take up too much fucking space on sidewalks and deserve to be violently kicked in the shins, or, possibly, steamrolled. How can two people stretch across an entire goddamn city sidewalk, I ask you??? It stymies. Have a nice day.
from beagle47 :
no med's necessary -- try joe jackson. also, i am not the stalker in case you were wondering. i am weird and happy in love though, so i'll stop it. but only 'cause you said to. peace. (and i really mean that only if you say so).
from trinabird :
I apologize...not for having a girlfriend, but for having Jethro Tull in my head. (If I piss you off, feel free to tell me.)
from trinabird :
Oh thank you for Engrish! I have been reading your diary for a few weeks now, but never clicked on any of your links, but today I got curious, and I'm the better for it. I have been to Japan, and my *favorite* thing about the whole country is the "Engrish" phenomenon. I bought many t-shirts when I was there, which I have since lost, with all kinds of hilarious things in English on them. Woo hoo!
from c11h17n2o2na :
Haha. I got vicodin for my neck pains! Yay for vicodin!
from oldmaid :
did you say *wienerpallooza*? heheheheheheheh. wienerpallooza! oh my goodness, i would be *all about* anything called wienerpallooza!
from ualex :
Just wanted to let you know that I hate children too. With a passion might I add. I mean, there hair is always snarled, they scream and cry at terrible decibals, and they are sticky! Why not hug an apple juice container for the same effect? (Love you diary too, by the way!)
from booberella :
January was the last time I remember having a visit. JANUARY. And I can't believe I've lost this much blood and am still alive. Anyway, I refuse to go on the pill. The last time I tried it, over three years ago, they kept switching the prescription on me, because they couldn't seem to find one that would regulate my period. I was like a guinea pig. I was a raving lunatic due to the insane hormones. Never, ever again. EVER!
from girlafraid77 :
you keep a sense of humor about things in life that aren't humorous, which is an accomplishment and a half. plus, you like strong bad! enough said. good luck taming your impulsive liar of a tongue.
from rockitten :
Ding ding ding! You're the winner. US Bank is indeed the ass-raping conglomerate. Gah.
from ursaminor2 :
hehe I love you! you cuss in your profile! my hero...
from obi-char :
You love Strong Bad too?! Oh my god, I have to marry you for like a week! TRODGOR, THE BURNINATOR. Seriously, how much better than that does it get.
from booberella :
you know what i've discovered? i do that all the time, too. like, people will ask "how tall are you?" and "5'10"" will just tumble out of my mouth before I can stop myself. but i've discovered that mastering the "no, wait, no i'm not. why did i just say that?" line can garner all sorts of laughs. people actually think i was TRYING to be funny, and then you become even COOLER for being able to tell such a funny lie so carefree.
from beagle47 :
you are the worst fucking liar. not only are you a bad liar, but you really are no liar at all. think about it. would a liar write an on-line public diary entry admitting that she lies? you're no liar. frankly, i think you lie about being a liar. really. fucking. horrible. liar. (oh, by the way, still working on that project. great to see you again. fabulous hat. loved the entry. kiss the kids, will ya?). ;-)
from warmleftover :
WTF!? What is this Jones you have for making little Hispanic kids from the Bronx cry? Making children cry is good sport in general, but what is this thing you have for those kids?
from warmleftover :
Ok, so that didn't work...sue me
from warmleftover :
oh, and when am I getting a pig-person person picture for my <a href="http://warmleftover.diaryland.com/gallery.html"readers gallery</a>?
from warmleftover :
Hey, an Xmas party and you did not invite me? I mean, I dont live THAT far away... seems like a damn good chance for that meanless sex. Um, I mean.. what are you talking about? I don't do meaningless sex, all of my sex has meaning.... the prison shrink keeps telling me so.
from rockitten :
Because I'm a dorkasaurus, I have to ask -- what are you wearing to the party? I don't want to be over/under dressed. Yeah, I worry about things like that. Heh.
from warmleftover :
Ok, look... I love when you talk about how many people you have fucked... frankly, I just like when you say "fucked", but I need more from a relationship. We need to talk about this, I am not sure I can stay faithful too you.
from mychoice :
OK - now, I didn't even know they sold replacement saliva over the counter, but I can definitely tell you what it is for. Salivary glands produce stones, just like having kidney stones or gallbladder stones, well, you get the picture. Anyhow, I had to have one removed because of those stones, and the docs told me that you can lose one major, but two, and it's replacement saliva time. It aids in digestion. But I think I would barf if I ever had to use it myself, so if my other major starts producing stones, tough shit. That's GROSS.
from warmleftover :
Hmmm... how many men have you dated, and what were thier jobs? I don't know why I care.. I just do. Have you looked at www.friendster.com yet? You should do that.........
from chibi-yukito :
Good luck in quitting smoking....hvae fun at the kickass party too, now since this page took so LONG to load, I forgot what else I was going to say. nevermind me... ^_^
from lilchrissi :
I just placed my last entry for a while. I'm sorry that I have to go so suddenly. But I will be here to check my emails and stuff, so please feel free to leave me a note from time to time. Maybe by some weird chance I will surprise you with an update. They just wont be everyday anymore. *sniff sniff*
from discodoll :
I hear you. I hate the pill so i just went for the IUD, it suits me perfectly and as for quiting smoking.... ugh.
from booberella :
some people have too easy an access to medical dictionaries, it seems. dude. why do all your readers kind of suck? except for me, of course. i rule.
from warmleftover :
Fine go ahead, toss me to the side and kick me to the curb. You are bypassing the best stalk....um, perv...no, thats not it. Ok, nevermind, its for the best.
from orgnzdanrchy :
Do your worst. If you could get Skye to physically kick my ass, that would be great! Heh. As long as you tell her the truth after she's done. I wouldn't want to her hate me forever.
from orgnzdanrchy :
I'll also have you know that when leaving notes, you should always make sure you're not logged in under your wife's account. Goddammit.
from rockitten :
I was looking back through all the notes on a few people's diarys (Lord knows why) and I came across you trying to bust me out to red-wine. I'll have you know my fake English accent is HORRIBLE! So there...
from warmleftover :
Ok, thats done it. I don't care how far away you live. Lets go on a date. I can't resist an orally fixated pig person that likes to age-play 12 year olds.... um, how do you feel about wearing leather collars? Thats a deal breaker
from gagfactor :
Dorks can be dirty fuck-ups too! Where be the dork love, yo?
from bonitababy :
This doesn't relate to any entries. I just want to share what a bad sense of humor I have. http://www.mulletjunky.com/picfix3.htm these people have no shame!!! oy...
from warmleftover :
OK, the pic would indeed say "dirty whore" if you had included pudding cups. Now it just screams "Trollop for Hire"... much nicer. Nothing says "I care" like the restraining order from Hallmark.
from c11h17n2o2na :
I want you to have my baby. Oh, and I know you dig anal sex. Don't you even dare deny that, you filthy whore.
from booberella :
heh. that picture screams "fuck me! bring a whip!". okay, it doesn't. but i checked out your profile and there's a link to your diary, which i don't think is really wise. just, you know, from one stalked individual to another.
from rockitten :
Fuck me! I swear on all things holy that I dreamed you left a note on my door that said "I got the cookies my mom sent. If you wanna get together and get drunk, I'll share them!" What are the odds? Heh! {Incidentally, if there's gonna be boobs and beer, we're there.}
from gagfactor :
My guess is the semen colored hat that looks kinda breast like (don't take offense, I think it's cute as hell, but I'm just callin it as I see it) and your horney-rimmed glasses.. GET IT! BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
from warmleftover :
Oh, did I mention that your scotch tape pig person look is very arousing?
from warmleftover :
Well, I wrote some porn... I was not thinking of you at the time...there are not pudding cups involved.
from z0tl :
*8* times! carry 0n :z
from fuzzy-grey :
Yes, of course, I know you're retarded. I read your diary as part of the "Support the Special Olympics" campaign. :D
from booberella :
Also, guys named Jeff who spell their name Geoff bother me.
from velvet-brown :
Hey, it's nice to know that I'm not the only idiot out there!
from blankwave :
after reading your four most recent entries, i am hooked. found you through beagle47.
from beagle47 :
<devious look> psst! hey, you. yeh, you.
from ionme :
I am in love with you, I think we were seperated at birth......
from booberella :
how did you... ? I don't even want to know.
from fuzzy-grey :
The doctor wouldn't have cleaned the room after you left. It would have been the medical assistant.....the doctor would have just heard about it. (nod)
from orgnzdanrchy :
You must, I repeat MUST send an e-mail to [email protected] post haste so that I may attain your address. I have urgent and import information to impart to you that can only be handled through e-mail. I urge you to move quickly as I will be out of town for the next two days and this simply cannot wait.
from rockitten :
I win! {I knew I should've put money on it. I'm such a shitty gambler sometimes.}
from booberella :
I want it on record that the Random Surrealism Generator just said this to me: "Is it a dishwasher? Is it a pilchard? No, it's The X-Men! More tense than a frilly spirit level, able to buckle dayglo purple spinning tops in a single PE teacher!"
from rockitten :
Aaaahahaha! I love it! Made her vagina itch! Customers are SO RETARTED. We'd really be doing the world a favor if we shoved a few of them in the box crusher. Can you settle a debate for Wooderson and I? Do you work in a big anchor type store or a smaller speciality type store?
from kill-my-star :
poor old man. thats what ive already ended up like. some annoying teenager with too much emotional baggage that nobody can stand to be around. i dont know if i feel bad for the poor old man who just wants to be loved again, or if i feel bad for me for the same reasons.
from fan4 :
Benjamin is a cute cat. I especially like the white "socks" on his feet.
from first-blush :
Sorry to say, I was the one who seasoned your salad. It tastes good, I swear.... =(
from weezer1d :
your kitty is the second cutest in the universe, for of course no feline comes close to touching my beloved weezer in terms of looks. Nor does any human approach his owner's supreme dorkiness. Who else would name thier diary after their cat but moi?
from first-blush :
Ooooh.. Little Black Whore is so adorable.. *steals* I'll make him mine and he'll become my slave. =3 Resistance is futile...�.�
from kill-my-star :
aww theyre all so cute, but i DO like benjamin best. he looks like my old cat, bilbo. only benjamin has four legs...bilbo was lacking one.... but poor ol' bilbo died and now we have frodo. frodo is larger than a medium sized schnauzer. he weighs in at about 11 lbs. he thinks he's very small...smaller than jane. he is not. also, he cant really meow...or knead..or do other normal cat things....but i love my kitty.
from dana-elayne :
Jane is such a wee little thing. Can she hide anywhere? Mitser is prettiful. However, my cat is far more awesome ;) Simon is the Queen of All Kitties. Yes, Simon...okay, I thought she was a boy and when I went to have her parts nipped they informed me that Simon was a girl. Ooops. I hope she doesn't harbor too much resentment at (a) being called Simon and (b) being made to wear a pink Hello Kitty collar.
from rockitten :
Okay, props to your kitty. He IS the second cutest kitty in the world. Right next to my baby. Heh. {Who knows his name, because his name is Killian and even a CAT must respect how lucky he is to be named after such a spiffy beverage.}
from booberella :
God, I hate cats.
from ladybuglily :
i just have to say that yours might be the funniest damn diary i've come across yet. please keep writing...it's people like you who keep the rest of us sane when all we can do is babble on about our boring little lives...peace.
from dana-elayne :
What an adorable Dick. (Am I allowed to say that, that way?)
from bellhead :
because he keeps getting nailed to the boards
from warmleftover :
Blasphemy, Crying, and talk of Japanese girl sex toys and I am getting toasted on a cheap Tuscan wine. Does life get any better than this? Well, yea.. maybe� but I have pretty low standards.
from beagle47 :
greetings. i could be wrong, but i think you spilled into my diary. think you could clean that up a little? 'preciate it. peace.
from warmleftover :
Oh...deary dear. If you object to using Hello Kitty for Sex products, you are gonna be REALLY pissed when you find out what I did to my real cat.
from gagfactor :
Seeing as the guestbook shit pit is down for the time being I'll just slip this note into your locker. I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU! Your vagina is the only vagina for me. Well..if it was a penis. *giggle* Your pony is packed and ready to ship.
from warmleftover :
Why? Because yow can even get a "Hello Kitty" vibrator these days, and every women should have one. http://www.jlist.com/indexto.html
from warmleftover :
Hmm, but waht bother what? I am so confused... so damn confused.
from rockyraven :
haha thats great
from bellhead :
why can't jesus play hockey?
from orgnzdanrchy :
Ho..Ho..Holy shit, nice tatas!
from orgnzdanrchy :
*like a moth to a flame, Wooderson is drawn to women that flash when drunk* Hi!
from ordinarykat :
just like a goat...rough and timid at the same time.
from rockitten :
Oh. My. GAWD. I seriously thought I was the only person on earth that got that freaked over making left turns. I loathe it. Wooderson's back seat driving doesn't help. Heh.
from ordinarykat :
funny like a cum-guzzling gutter slut
from orgnzdanrchy :
We still haven't sent in our $3 of city taxes yet...God knows what'll happen to us.
from mychoice :
I did your page at http://rinkworks.com/dialect/. Hell, I think I did pee on myself laughing so hard. You've got to see this, if you haven't already.
from iluvsimba :
hi
from zerom3ph :
wierd. never met anyone else who's even seen strictly ballroom. then again... this is the internet. i guess i still haven't *sag*
from defcabbie :
Milky, I thought you were religious...my apologies for mistaking you thusly. Just for clarification I am an atheist as well. Also I wanted to ask you if you would post my webpage on your site...you may find it entertaining http://defcab101.tripod.com Cheers
from orgnzdanrchy :
Good advice! My wife's contribution to this is that when she goes in and plays sick for a day, she doesn't put on makeup, except just a touch of grey eyeshadow under the eyes for increased bagginess.
from beagle47 :
umm, excuse me, ma'am? are you the manager? i think some idiot from your store is after my ass. can i get a gift certificate for my troubles?
from defcabbie :
You don't know me... Technically I don't know you...but you're the reason I started an online journal...kinda sounds creepy, like, "You're the reason I picked up my bible and BELEIVED!" sorry Anyway, I saw a note from someone else on here about SARS...I just thought it was funny, cos I'm living in China right now, an hour away from Hong Kong. So...uh...somehow that justifies this post. Kaare out.
from booberella :
Dude, I was going to leave you a note... but instead it turned into a novel. Check my diary for your actual note.
from orgnzdanrchy :
I say hats off to your company for not being so "customer friendly" that it lets them get away with breaking shit. We once had a woman drive one of those electric carts through a wine display with no repercussions. The road to hell is paved with customer service.
from monkiebob :
making a small child cry, that's like 4 bonus points.
from orgnzdanrchy :
I love making co-workers whisper about me. You should call in Tuesday with SARS. Heh.
from januaryfiend :
Yeah, so I got Meep, and though it's cute...well, it's no Penis.
from weezer1d :
I KNOW! You pay way too little for cigarettes to be bitching about the foreign dude. Though I sympathize...Anyway, I think this "ohio" place of which you speak is very strange. Windows in a garage? Windows with CURTAINS in a garage? Are you sure your family's not Canadian?
from booberella :
A few things. First of all: TWO FUCKING NINETY EIGHT???? THAT'S ALL??!?!?! Cheesus. Try $4.24 for a pack of Camels up here, missy. Fucking hell. Second: What the shit is with the pussy ass zoning regulations? Curtains? Man. I stick by my theory that Ohio is a stupid jerk state, full of stupid jerks.
from roachhaus :
Ba ha! I figured someone as bitter and full of hatred as you would be on my side about that situation. You're not half bad after all. In fact, I take back all the nasty things I said about you. (except the pancake stuff. that stands).
from piehole :
Dude. Those were SO not my boobies. My boobies are pert and boobielicious. Just ask Bren! ... Yeah, also? I don't know what I'm talking about so much.
from piehole :
Hey hey HEY! I saw the Roach notes! Why I oughta!
from booberella :
"I try to dispense the appropriate amount of really funny jokes all throughout my set. I don't want my comedy routine to be like pancakes: All exciting at first, but by the end, you're fucking sick of `em." --Mitch Hedberg
from leftunspoken :
Aaaaagh. My eyes. My eyes.
from roachhaus :
OH. Mygod. That is SO not me. My mask is red ... not black. Get it right, flapjack.
from mychoice :
Idiot-milk and roachhaus sittin in a tree...K-I-S-S-I-N-G....
from jc144 :
Wanted to leave a gbook entry about Oprah and her damn books, but stoopid Diaryland won't let me.
from roachhaus :
Take that! ~Kee-yah!~
from roachhaus :
Ha ha ha ha ha ha! Email notifications!
from roachhaus :
OH! THAT. IS. IT! No more Mr. Nice RoachCreep! I'll bring ya down! Down, Down, Down. Milky's going down. Down, Down, Down. Milky's going down. And to think I was already to kiss your ass with my Mick Jaggery-like lips.
from roachhaus :
Sorry for harassing you, IM. I do enjoy reading your diary. And I enjoy Pabst.
from obi-char :
Liquor! Cookies!! RAPING NEIGHBOR BOYS!!! I'm SO convinced this moving thing is going to be the best thing I've ever done. Besides that burp I just did. That was a pretty good one.
from piehole :
TAKE THAT! No more floaty retarded football boy for YOU! Ha ha!
from orgnzdanrchy :
Mothers? Pee? Remind me never to piss you off.
from obi-char :
I want to make sweet, sweet love to your template. Way neato.
from piehole :
Aahhh! The football boy is floating in mid air! Aaaahh! It is freakin' me OUT, woman! Freak out!
from roachhaus :
First off... thank you so much for the links. I hope to garner more readership from this debacle. And possible a few new disciples. Second off .... I take ofense to your comments! OFFENSE! I did not take my mother to the prom. It was my cousin.
from idiot-milk :
Anyone visiting my notes page JUST SHUTUP. I TOTALLY MEANT TO POST A NOTE TO MYSELF. TWICE NOW. SHUTUP. bah.
from idiot-milk :
OHMYGOD! YOU CAN'T JUST PEE ON PEOPLE LIKE THAT! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?! Oh wait. I forgot. You drink Pabst which MUST mean your parents are brother and sister. Poor lad. You really can't help yourself, can you? Little inbred tyke never had a shot in the world. *sniffle* It brings a tear to my eye just THINKING about your plight.
from roachhaus :
Pssh. that all you got? Bring it on, Crackah! I'll render you helpless against my Shower peeing abilities. take this! --- ~pisssss~ .... take that ! ~pisssss~
from lilchrissi :
Just wanted to drop off some hugs and a short goodbye for now. I don't know when I will be back.
from lordchuchu :
nice diary, very interesting reading... ^_^
from adamexe :
actually, I heard that everytime you masturbate, god kills a kitten... and I can't stand cats, so all the more reason...
from beagle47 :
huh, wow, you've opened my eyes. i really am a sick-fuck. i am going to stop peeing right now! thanks, you've changed my life forever...
from adamexe :
i pee in the shower every day. i get out of bed, turn off the alarm (it's in the bathroom), turn on the shower, get in and then pee. Sometimes I even pee into the shower from outside the shower because the water isn't hot yet. I brush my teeth in the shower too. But I don't masturbate in the shower much.
from beagle47 :
i do not pee in the shower. that is the truth! i masterbate in the shower. i pee in the bed...
from sugar-cube :
Random dumb info: Penultimate, in Musical theory terms, also means the next to the last measure in a piece of music. Why i felt I needed to add this?? The world may never know....
from mychoice :
I hate the misuse of "evidently" and "apparently" the most. Oh, and "accept" and "except". I correct ANYONE when they misuse those. I have corrected the president of the company, during a conversation, when he used "evidently" instead of "apparently." I hate vocabulary challenged people. Not that I am not ever guilty of it myself, but I feel your pain.
from moonstone21 :
oh yeah, just wanted to say that "you're" cool. please don't think that I'm grammatically challenged. also, i used to work in retail and i agree with you. it sucks donkey balls!!! thank you and good day.
from zeroreverb7 :
Niiiiice template :) love you hugs Peace
from clearcadence :
ok. i'll take ur word for it.
from clearcadence :
i'm beginning to wonder...so i'd like YOUR opinion. are you a GOOD person to know? cuz i luv u...and that may be a sin. :0)
from beagle47 :
gee, sorry 'bout that! life's a maddening ball of confusion here, but that's nothing new. no matter what anyone thinks, i'm no Buddhist Zen Master. in fact, i'm not sure what the opposite is, but yes, that's it. one thing's for sure: your diary is damn funny! peace.
from mychoice :
Laughing my ass off at your parents this morning. I love them already. No WONDER you are as funny as you are. Thanks!
from beagle47 :
been...as in..good, been as in bad, been as in down, up, back, or sad. been as in happy, or mad or concerned. been...say...around, or perhaps slightly burned. been as in, maybe, confused or just dazed, been as in "how've ya'?" barked the mad doggie, crazed.
from beagle47 :
been?
from cheshireluci :
ohgod! you're so funny! i laughed so hard i shed a tear and did one of those 'not really breathing, not really making any noise' laughs.. yeah, boobs are great.
from namelessgirl :
bwahahahhahahaa. evil. eviiiiiillllllllll.
from a-splinter :
I LOVE Gilmore Girls. So, I get the nickname. hehe
from zeporah :
Holy shit, you are funny. Reading your diary puts me in that happy bad mood that I love. And, Homestarrunner rules.
from zeroreverb7 :
yay! you are my new amazon friend (she even has an invisible helo!) Love you mwah :)
from a-splinter :
Okay okay. If you want you can send me your original template code in a Notepad attachment to my e-mail,([email protected]) and I can fix it up for you, or you can give me the password and I can go in and fix it for you, or I can send you long e-mails of directions as to what you can do? Or I can direct you to some HTML tutorials online. I'm not an expert at HTML either, but I know a thing or two.
from booberella :
Dude. This entry took forever to scribe. But our words are beautiful, no? [Cut and paste.] http://booberella.diaryland.com/gayberet.html
from a-splinter :
<*br> instead of <*P>. (Without the * of course) Would that fix your problem with all those links that go high up in heaven?
from zeroreverb7 :
hey... you are Not Tarted. :) love you mucho hugs peace
from zeroreverb7 :
ok im confused ive been like so waiting for you to have a wishlist so i could send you a token of my affection and i click greed on your most amazing page and my list came up. so what happened there.. my computer is retarted. anyway I love you :) hugs peace
from c11h17n2o2na :
The diary is up, bitch.
from jezolina :
YAY! ^turtle machetes^ and nun-chucks too! Lynnda's Mutant Ninja Turtles!!!!
from beagle47 :
yes, well, that note explains the -milk, anyway. sorry for your neighbor's loss. "you wan i should take care of dat fo' ya'?" my suggestion: large tacks on the floor near all entries to the house and a big fat dog that barks. and bites. hard.
from emptycage :
When my stereo was stolen out of my car, the little bastards also took a little box of insense that I kept in the glove box. It still had the thirty five cent price tag on it. That pissed me off more than anything. Be careful in the next few days, just in case they decide to come back.
from jezolina :
Well I'm glad that no one got hurt. Don't forget to give the turtles parachutes and hand grenades!
from weezer1d :
the creepier thing about the distraction: perhaps they were checking out your place for another day?
from dasauce :
Hey! How about a drive by comment when you Fave SomeOne's DUMB ASS� Thank you. You are kind. Gonna read back in yer diary as time permits. As an idiot, I suspect that you are sustenance for a Sauce. Or Cold and Creamy. Or Rich and Thick? Or a big pile of whiteness and calcium, or you shake like a dream? ShutUpAlreadySauce
from beagle47 :
hey, what the hell?? you goin' sideways on me? oh, right, upside down. well, yes then, yet another excuse to use-up your notespace in a cheesy attempt to get some attention like an idiot. er, wait, or is that from an idiot. milk. right then. peace.
from pandionna :
There are a lot of things that people want to do first thing in the morning that I don't understand. Like, wake up, for instance.
from zaziel :
I must grudgingly confess to a certain amount of admiration for a person who knows what an abattoir and a truck stop toilet smell like. We have made you a member of the fallen, I hope you don't mind.
from lia-d :
Umm, bad breath is often a fault of malnutrition (usually it comes from the spit and not from the teeth, etc.) but since a lot of people don't know about it, they waste their time brushing their teeth without effect. So she might know that her breath's terrible... So much from me, who's nearly dated a dentist in training :) And french kisses in the morning suck.
from pattymelt :
maybe that person just eats way too much potted meat? (for some reason people that eat lots of potted meat have really bad breat.)
from jezolina :
You're my Milky Goddess. I HEART JOO MADLY TOO! Mwah, I'm glad you got it safely!
from dacoso :
Ah, yes, bad breath. I had a classmate like that. When she talked, this wicked stream of stench would come shooting out of her mouth. It was so potent in its very offensive that you could almost see the green haze escaping when she opened her mouth. A friend of mine dubbed her Halitosis Martha, kind of a less lethal, but no less appalling, version of Typhoid Mary. Sing it with me now: Rembrandt, Scope and Listerine/Decent breath is sight unseen.
from fiery-jewel :
i love your diary. that's it. i love it.
from jezolina :
Sigh, I totally know that feeling.
from rockyraven :
you too? so far 3 other people today including me have spoken of freedom fries!
from patadrina :
Reading your entries are a true delight. You seem to express exactly what I'm feeling on a given day. if that makes sense.
from pattymelt :
what about "freedom kissing"? or "freedom toast"?
from jezolina :
hahahah! You lush. I wished I got a phone call at 2am. HMPH.
from jellygrlfrnd :
You make me laugh. I don't know if that's intentionally or you just do it accidently, either way I love reading your diary. Seriously, are you really like that in real life? If so, you are just too cool :) Oh and the bears ... holy geez that just creeps me out! At least we know they are not eating people behind the bushes....
from beagle47 :
did you notice: 222 entries. you animal.
from jezolina :
I shipped your package today. The guy said you should see it thurs or fri. Yay!
from jezolina :
HAHAHAHAHAHA!! Aww! *kisses your blind eye*. I LURFF YOU! You made me laugh so hard my head started to hurt again. hee.
from the19thstory :
you make me laugh. a lot. thanks.
from lilchrissi :
Send me a note or an email...something...geesh! lol
from heidiann :
Well at least you weren't number one!
from zeroreverb7 :
dude..I know..that whole linking thing pissed me off! but ..I have two girls kissing on my diary so...what Can I do? Congrats on the promotion!!!!! Its about time they showed you some Respect!ty for your note love...I Love You too :) hugs mmwah Peace
from megamikawaii :
Congrats on the promotion!
from jezolina :
Those are the best damn snow structures I've ever seen. I think I just about died when I saw them. When we colonize antartica, can I hire you as my architect?! I want a phat ice-pad with a sky-light and lots of drink holders. I luff you, I luff you lots.
from zeroreverb7 :
god you are so freaking cool...:) love ya Peace
from lilchrissi :
Ooohh! you soo freakin funny! Once again I'm filled with laughter with yur stories!**Damn! My ass icthes!** Oops lol sorry... gottta go now bacon is burning! :P
from jezolina :
Oooh!! You get endless oral treats! Thank you Sweetie!
from jezolina :
DUDE!!! My significant slug says "supposively". I think it's given me a twitch. AND I LOVE YOU! How did you get your pic to show up in your profile thingy?! I, for the life of me cannot manage to do that.
from bbbrett :
At least they didn't spell out supposably. I do mention Kent a lot, don't I? And you were there... Weird. I go there too often because I can't quite talk my friends from there into moving up here. Thank the gods for my cold weather friends that keep me company when I don't feel like making the drive. And, I'm about to start rambling, so I'll just let you go while I still can.
from feio :
nice banner. :) xox- Elizabeth
from pandionna :
Uh...I get up a few minutes early to call the weather to see if I need to bring an umbrella. <ducking> Seriously, though, a year of living in Hawaii will cure you of umbrellus forget us. Those 100-year rains can really put a damper on things. Get it? DAMPER. Okay, I'll just up now, before I get smacked.
from bonitababy :
Your diary is hilarious!!! I agree with you about those commercials that have bears making those annoying grunting sounds that kinda give me the impression that the bear is constipated, but anyways... oh yeah, where their wiping their asses and stuff like that. Its nasty!! Well anyways keep up the good work! Oh yeah vegetarians... good point!!!
from jezolina :
DUDE!!! Check it out http://kimyadawson.diaryland.com/index.html .
from hungerwhore :
I love the diary. =)
from lia-d :
I would rather have bought the toaster... How cool would it be to *eat* a Kitty every morning! You could also save on toppings, because one has to be REALLY cruel to cover up such a lovely image... Mwahaha, TOASTER, HERE I COME!
from wiccaloser :
good luck finding it, it took me a long long time to find it and purchase it for a jewish friend of mine. it was sold out everywhere!! Literally, well save for the place of purchase. but yes, you are welcome, thought you would find that as amusing as I did.
from beagle47 :
dem apples = another liberal conspiracy. glad to help. signed, rush limbaugh and george bush.
from seastreet :
I suppose a photo of the pork can is too much to ask for.
from boofkadinky :
starsKY...goddammit
from boofkadinky :
saw the banner..... clicked and loved...may the gods of frequent fontage smile upon ye..... p.s. starsly was the creepy one
from wiccaloser :
you said something about looking for techno music for your religious party.... sadly I know of " the ultimate jewish dance party" CD. yup, they sell a jewsih dance party CD, I was reminded of its exsistance after reading your latest entry, thought you might find it as amusing as I did. the mere thought that is. anyway... yeah. toodles
from beagle47 :
well, i'll be damned. a carole king reference right here on d-land. never thought i'd see the day...peace, go to bed (and i really mean that).
from mathew-b :
holy shit dude. your writing is brilliant. its ultimate black humour, its hysterical. you shoould write a novel. and you also seem to have a heart. --m
from nosimplefx :
I do believe I'm in love with you. That is all.
from heidiann :
Oh my god!!! I am highly jealous of your Hello Kitty cell phone. If I had one I'd love it so much I'd have to lick it from joy. Which sounds really terrible but I'm standing by my statement!!
from jezolina :
Dude that was me walking by. I wasn't gonna say anything but, seeing as though the cat's outta da bag, sigh. I have the little dipper along my left jawline. I named it "little dipper" creative huh?
from beagle47 :
hello. nice thoughts about cyst names. if i ever get a cyst i'm going to name it "mutherfuckingpieceofshiteatingassholeofacyst." peace. (and i really mean that).
from gusterpoop :
damn. i never named my polinidal cyst. nor do i name the giant gaping hole that's been on my butt for a year and a half, slwoly healing. maybe i'll name it 'goddam hole that gets in the way of buttsex and stuff'. very fitting. lm7
from jezolina :
I have one word for you to tell them... "Defer." I think you can defer stupident loans (yes I did that on purpose, cause I know what a pain in the ass it is. Afterall we are the future and why is it they can't..okay I'm stopping) for six months. I think they get to write it off re: taxes or something. I dunno. You could always tell them to go wank it. p.s. I love you too!
from jezolina :
Okay so I'm still on my ass. "I'VE FALLEN AND I CAN'T GET UP". Damn this ass is gettin big from sitting in this chair all the time. And the radio parts are in my backseat crying "ship us! Ship us! (insert whiny odd electronic sounds here)."
from jezolina :
Sex talk? What's that? I got the "You're such a fucking slut-druggie-sleezy girl." The end.
from smartepants :
I felt the same way when I was younger, sitting infront of the tv for the fourth consecutive hour (because mom thought it was a babysitter) watching Full House with my mom smashing pots and pans together as a sign of her rage with my father as they argued as the soundtrack in the background, and I would think to myself, if *I* had an uncle Jessie, he'd come sit with me and tell me that everything is ok, that parents fight sometimes, that I'm still his princess, blahblahblah, and then he'd tuck me in bed and sing me that corney "I just wanna be your teddy bear" song a capella style ... and life would be good. But I didn't. I had a cheating mother and a bastardo father, uncle jessie not anywhere in the picture. I blame all of this on my outcast characteristics and pot smoking in high school. DAMN TV SHOWS. I wish I were to have been watching power rangers or some shit, at least they didn't have crap I could relate (compare) myself to.
from roachhaus :
Oh... I think you set the guiness record for the most times taking Jesus' name in vain in one diary entry. It's OK. I'm not pissed. He was my favorite character in that book. What's it called ....?
from lia-d :
Happy Birthday! (Or Lynnda Day or whatever)
from kimbarley :
Shaving and magic marker� I�ve only ever taken paint pens or at least that is all I�ll admit to� though I should actually ask you if you ACTUALLY did that� cuz if not I�m like possibly cruel or something. Yeah o�well. Anywho, you make me laugh my ass off, so thanks.
from pigment :
thank you to have made me laugh so loud this morning... Mmh... maybe not original to say that to you, but... really real!
from jezolina :
YOU SNEAK!! Happy BIRFESTDAY!!! MWAH! Lots of cake and porn for you! <3
from beagle47 :
she wrote: "And I'm glad you've finally accepted my rightness in every matter. Even though I suspect you secretly still think YOU'RE right all the time and you're just pretending to give in to avoid another festival of vituperation." and he responds: "right again!"
from pandionna :
Happy Lynnda Day!
from zeroreverb7 :
uhhh errr ooooopths....yeah..its not her Birthday you guys...its like..you know..just Lynnda day..Ok...she is like..being Celebrated! :)
from a-splinter :
Happy birthday dear Lynnda. Hope you have a great idiotless day! :o)
from zeroreverb7 :
Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday Happy Birthday :) Love you (if i was there ...there would be balloons and confetti..and naked men..and booze..and chocolate...)Peace
from roachhaus :
Hey. Welcome to DQ Country! "I don't care if it rains or freezes, just as long as I got my plastic jesus, sitting on the dashboard of my car" You template made me sing that. Mr. Rogers rules. See ya 'round. I'm going back the the land of make believe now ....
from mister-ed :
what did mr.rogers actually do? i've only ever heard about him in reference to him being a tv guy who was either really good with kids, or REALLY good with kids.
from zeroreverb7 :
d00d ewe n33d a wishlist cuz your birthday is tomorrow and I want to give you something but all Ill end up being able to give you is an ecard..and..you deserve more than that. you're no dork either. love you Peace :)
from humanidiot :
D99D, Y0U N33D A GU35TB99K....
from lia-d :
Meow! Thank you very much! Now at leas I know what will be the first thing I'll say tomorrow when they're done with my teeth... Yeah, and people DO suck. All of them. But girls usually suck more. Because you can't use them for anything. With boys you can at least have sex. Oh, and I meant to write "steal" not "still" last time. I mean, I did. Diaryland changed it on purpose, to make me look like a complete idiot.
from diaryquotes :
hi! you're officially a DQ'er now! wheee! if only i could get around to fixing your template, life would be so sweet! ahh, but i must first find a full time job, instead of finding new ways to procrastinate! sweet, sweet unemployment insurance...
from beagle47 :
hi. i've been thinking a lot about that last entry. i hate to be contrary, but i believe yankees score touchbacks, not touchdowns. oh, and also, i think they suck too. unless, of course, you say otherwise...
from lia-d :
May I at least still that "fuck fuckety fuck fuck" expression from you? It's so sweet... I can teach you some nice German curses in exchange if you want...
from lia-d :
"WE'VE HAD SEX, FOR FUCK'S SAKE!! YOU'D THINK YOU'D REMEMBER THE VOICE OF A PERSON YOU'D SPENT SO MUCH TIME WITH! NO, WAIT...FUCK THAT...YOU LOST YOUR GODDAMN VIRGINITY TO ME, AND YOU CAN'T BE BOTHERED TO REMEMBER WHAT I SOUND LIKE?!!? FUCK!" - Okay now I've just written how I fucking hate it when I'm searching for something to save my day and reading someone's older entries and instead of making me smile it reminds me of what's pushed me into needing to save my day in the first place and at least now I know that I'm not the only one having experienced this kind of SHIT and how I'm still going to blame you for whatever I can think of even though you don't know me because in your case it's certainly been more than HALF A YEAR since that guy lost his virginity to you... And what do you think has happened? Yeah, Diaryland ate it all. Fuck. And now I'm yelling at a complete stranger. Bah.
from dem0nchild :
You are so fricking hilarious. I wanted you to have no notes and me to be the first one to discover you, but Im retarded so it didnt work that way. Anyhow, nice job on the diary...keep rocking the free world and DOO DOODLE DOO DOO...(now you finish)
from superlemon :
Okay, if only for the Jeffrey Dahmer/dolphins rant, I love you. You're hilarious, and I am now going to sit here and read the rest of your entries and laugh until my roommate calls the paramedics.
from jezolina :
HA HA HAH HAHAHAHAHA!!! GOD girl you fuckin crack me up into pieces. I love you. I love you like no other. I swear to god I'm going to get off my ass this week and send out those radio bits and parts from the radio I so lovingly disected (heh).Mwah!
from princesscris :
I fuckin love you!
from megamikawaii :
Holy shit! You're diary is the best! I almost pissed myself laughing! My side hurts now!!! Keep it up! You rock!! ~Liz
from lilchrissi :
I can't help it. You have got to be the fucking funniest person in the whole diaryland world. I have never laughed so hard in my life..shit I think I just wet my pants...J/k..:P Anyways, since Eibert is dead..Siskel and I give you 2 thumbs up. =D
from humanidiot :
I recently noticed you favorite diary-ed me, so I checked your diary and I think if I opened your skull up I'd find the missing half of my brain. Just so you know, I'd install a hinge and a snap (or maybe a zipper and skip the hinge/snap deal) in your skull before closing it up, so I could get in their easier the next time. Because I care. I echo the last comments - I LOVE YOU. "Fester, you must WOO her!"
from zeroreverb7 :
I Love You :)
from rockyraven :
Please honor me with a note, oh awesome one. i swear you are my god. please adopt me. or better yet publish your diary someday i guarantee itll be a best seller. you brighten up my day. i love you woman!
from red-wine :
You know, I thought to remind you of the sticker, but I wanted to see how far it could go. Heehee.
from notreallyme :
I once stuck a chiquita banana sticker on my forehead...forgot about it...and went to the grocery store. Fun times.
from beagle47 :
hold those thoughts, it's just a matter of time before i piss you off again. oh, by the way, did your brother know that band bumper stickers on the ass are the latest fad in paris? as always, you're on the cutting edge of fashion. ciao.
from cursedfemale :
oh man, I love your diary. so so much.
from btchelicious :
HAH! No one wants to swim with Jeffery Dahmer because he's DEAD!
from knotagain :
BWAAAAHAHAHA!! That was the verbal equivalent of a tuna net!
from ajax :
http://www.dolphinsex.org/
from ladyofamber :
There is nothing wrong with having dolphins tattoed around your belly button *grins* although i'm still deciding, its a toss up between dragon (somewhere), dolphin yin-yang pattern around belly button, pegasus on shoulder or a sun-star pattern around my belly button :)
from beatlesgyrl :
When I read your diary, I laugh until I snort milk. And I haven't even been drinking milk, so that is actually quite gross. I shall try not to overanalyze the implications. In any event, Nair, dolphins, running out of gas ... you're fine holiday fun that deserves two thumbs up.
from beagle47 :
^^^^^^is purring now.
from jezolina :
OMG I love it!!! It's perfect, and haha, yeah I've been through the OOPS! I wasn't supposed to put THAT on my armpits (nair) issue. It really was such a great idea at the time and you're RIGHT, they don't say not to on the labeling! God did that hurt! I think it has something to do with the sweatglands or something. UGH.
from beagle47 :
this is the only place on earth i would feel comfortable putting this: while i hate kitties i love pussies (or, is that "pussys?"), so i'm really flattered by the status. oh, one more thing, you're right. actually, damn right. and, seriously, thanks a lot, your shit is really cool. peace.
from rockyraven :
I love you
from daizychainz :
ahhh you are hilarious! i loved the nair story, it was a keeper! mucho amor, keep writing it up!
from pandionna :
I came to your site with the question: Who is this woman that all should love her so? Then I found it, the thing that makes me see your light, the lure you have for your followers, your siren call: You don't like people who tell you to "Smile!" either. Gawd, I hate that shit. I really do. Don't mind me while I snoop around.
from red-wine :
Alright you little pimp-dog. *Every single* hit I've received today was from your link. Bitch. I love you!
from jezolina :
Okay...A: you need a link to your notes from your entry page..and 2: *gives you a temple massage and makes the three of you chicken soup* =P
from monkiebob :
i read the entry about your boss's conversation with you, and i have to say that you are now my new god. you rock.
from beagle47 :
you know, i don't care how many times you call me a "MOTHERFUCKER" in my notes and mis-spell it, i'm still going to laugh my ass off at your entries. and by the way, don't tell me it's spelled right either, i've been spelling it for a lot longer than you. peace. (and i really mean that).
from a-splinter :
I loved "Life Goes On." Of course... Corky... you mean... from that show... right? Yes. Let's see if you can arrange my sentence in the proper order and how fast you can do it! Ready? GO!
from lia-d :
Yeah, that's it. I'm just not going. Whoever was talking to you was right. Because I hate dentists and I hate needles and I hate all the drilling and I fucking need my wisdom teeth! They don't even hurt, so why should I go there and let them be taken from me, which certainly WILL hurt and will hurt even more afterwards. I'd better think of a nice purpose for them, like cracking nuts or whistling or whatever. I'm definetely not going. Even though the doctor really is HOT. And everybody at the damn university hospital is as hot as him and hardly older than me and... But since I'm really really scared of dentists I'm just not going there and prefer to die within the next twenty years because of my wisdom teeth. However it works, I just don't get how somebody can die from a goddamn futile tooth.
from beagle47 :
one word: "ouch." ;-)
from a-splinter :
Seriously... not to be a bothersome twat or anything, but my tattoo didn't really hurt. Of course,...it was a stick-on. Oh wait, my REAL one did hurt, but no it's not the worst pain in the world. And it's actually more ANNOYING than anything. It's an annoying constant scratching, is what it felt like. But I imagine the people who get extremely large tats probably feel PAIN. Especially the colourful things.
from beagle47 :
hate to fuck-up that last entry, but, uh, chick? guys are not that high-functioning. i believe it when a guy says he didn't feel his tat. i think with some, er, most? guys that's entirely probable. think about that. sorry. peace.
from mister-ed :
the thought of your next 200 entries causes me to shit my fucking pants.
from zeroreverb7 :
Happy 200th! Yay You! :) love you more than chocolate soy milk :) hugs peace
from jezolina :
YAY! Happy 200th to you! You have to learn to roll up your window and lock your door and turn your visor over to the side. That's the only way, I swear. Oh and crank the radio really loud. Else you'll always be at the mercy of hot firemen with puppies. Hmm, maybe I should keep my window down next time?
from zeroreverb7 :
According to the Hipsters Handbook...someone that is clueless is an Enigmatard. I like conundrum too. its a nice word. :) I Love You Hugs Hugs mmwah Peace
from jezolina :
I'M OUTRAGED..WHERE'S MY BASEBALL BAT?!? I'M GONNA KNOCK THAT BOY'S BLOCK OFF!
from exhaust :
Noooo! That's good! Peanut, I just want you to be happy... that's all that's important.
from jezolina :
Do they have "The Club" for the ass? That might be a good idea. Or one of those kiddy gates. Better yet, you could get an ass alarm. WEEEOOOHWEEEOOHHH!!! And a little red flashing light.
from ajax :
you are totally fucking brilliant.
from ryan8-5cut :
kidssuck kidssuck
from exhaust :
Dude! I TOTALLY just figured out your template just now. 'Cause I know you want something loud, and obnoxious, and annoying, right? I think I got it. So, when I'm done, I'll tell you. This week, I think.
from beagle47 :
no shit, that was cool as is your diary. you are listed. peace.
from ayan :
a) it's certainly summer here. b) what is snow?
from tessman :
You can probably get the eyebrow ring out by disconnecting the curve of the pipe under your sink. I hope. I've done a similar thing. Good luck!
from beagle47 :
alright, i'm going to sound like a kiss-ass suck-up, and i'm violating my recent re-re-re-commitment to stop cursing, but fucking shit did i think it was cool when you favorite-ed my diary. if it meant anything to you i'd do it right back to yours because i think your shit is so fucking funny, but i fear that i'd look like a complete dick if i just stuck you in on my favorites list, which seems so beneath your in-the-face hipness as to be a glove across the right cheek challenge to a duel (which is why i just check it out when i feel like seeing someone write about how it really is). by the way, did i say thanks a lot? ok, done geeking for now. peace.
from soapboxdiner :
Last night Joe Millionaire sucked me in too. The only episode I watched, and all for the twist. What the hell kind of twist is giving him the money? Shoot. I kinda hoped they'd hand Joe Dufus the bill for a month in the castle. Heh. That would have been a good twist. PAY THAT, SUCKA! heh.
from mouse-mat :
I do apologise, but you see no matter what gender they are, male, female, questionable genders even, i call them dudes. But i shall change it to dudette if you would prefer, dear! Hope the hangover isnt bad. Love kelly.
from jezolina :
I hope the snowfort is keeping you safe today. Keep warm!
from sugamaniak :
your entries make me pee my pants, especially the cat butt wash stories. I thought I'd share that with you. I pee from laughter, not just because I have some kind of incontinence problem..just thought I'd share that with u...P.S I want a kick ass snowfort!!
from jezolina :
OH! Damnit, I wanna play in the snow fort!!! I would totally bring you fruity tropical drinks in coconut cups with brightly colored umbrellas and make little play-doh figures that you can shoot from short range with a bee-bee gun. Gotta keep a goddess entertained, heh *SNORT*, ARG!
from locony :
Hoooly crap! You're a GOD! Anyone that tries something like that HAS to be!
from red-wine :
*snort* WHA?....errr...hi. Sorry I didn't get back to you last night, but I was, as they say, "totally fucked". My Friday night hasn't quite ended yet. And your phone number is on my computer at work. I rock. Although from what you wrote, it doesn't sound like I missed much in the way of fine dining. We'll have to try again with dinners less scalding.
from jezolina :
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!! GOD I love you! You always brighten up my day, poor sweet Milky. You kick ass!
from lia-d :
Get new clothes, than walk and diet the next couple of months and then buy the mattress.
from lovejess16 :
hey...yeah i think valentines day sucks ...i do have a boy ...but u see the problem is that he is in jail and will be there till august and to top it off today is our one year annaversary...shit happends...but life goes on
from warmslippers :
I hear you. It's never about celebrating single-ness and stuff.
from zeroreverb7 :
Happy Valentines Day I Love you!!!! hugs smooches peace
from weezer1d :
fuck the mattress. just flip it over & get one of them old-fart eggshell things to put on top of it. they're like, 20 bucks. or steal one from a nursing home. then use your tax return ot buy some meth ,hold up the sanrio store, get the phone, and proceed to take out all the customers in a hail of bullets while making off with the clothes on sale. sounds like a plan to me !
from red-wine :
Are you done screaming yet? Good, because here comes the voice of reason: BUY THE FUN STUFF! Then, pile your new clothes on your bed in an ergonomic and back-supporting pile. Easier getting dressed in the morning, you'll sleep better and new shit is always a wonderful thing.
from captvfirefly :
Hell, I was going to tell you to buy the Hello Kitty phone and the clothes! As far as the mattress goes..yeah, you probably would benefit from a better night sleep, but maybe you could get one of those egg crate thingies (you know, that foamy stuff that people put on beds to make them softer?) to try and level out the saggy bed. I did that for a long time and it worked until I felt like forking over the dough for a new one. Even if you do decide to be all grown up, you have to at least buy 1 thing that's fun. Just my .02 cents.
from emptycage :
This is my first year having a boyfriend on Valentines Day, and he's one of those who doesn't condone Valentines Day because it's a commercial holiday, blah blah blah. Thus, I'm expecting a big wad of jackshit tomorrow. By the way, I've been reading your diary for quite a while and it brings me much joy. I have added you as a favorite. Hope you're having a good day.
from rockyraven :
I have a teacher named Ms. Benson! Where did you go to school? BTW I love you you are brilliant write a book
from bbbrett :
I just happened to find this through a link from red-wine. And thank the gods that I did, because diaries like yours and hers are the only reason that I keep coming back here. Brilliant. I shall read and be happy.
from safari-youth :
this diary rules. it takes the fact that jerks are conceptually funny and just blasts off from there. but you can't exempt yourself from list-snobbery just by pointing out the fact that list-snobbery exists. roll with it.
from rumblelizard :
Q: How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Fish! Thanks for the joke, it was tres bizarre.
from thatgrrrl :
You're a whacko. I like that in a girl. I LOL'ed, and here I am at work, so I should really shut up now and work (yeah, right!). I'll be back. :)
from zeroreverb7 :
hahahahaa...I do the same thing..gah..I hate when I do that! dont be surprised if you find a weary retail goddess with a party hat on...bearing gifts and pron movies ...on your doorstep this weekend...:) you know if id planned better...my ass would so be there!!! Love You So Much Peace Hugs Mmmmmwah
from theoddone72 :
Hey! Your diary is really funny, and I love reading it. Thanks for making me smile.
from red-wine :
Dude. Call me Saturday if the jam is on. And even if it's not! We'll get that party started....(channeling Pink. God help me.)
from sweetie-pea :
Your sense of humor is so creepy and delicious that I think I'm in love with you :(
from avalonte :
I hear ya! Yes to enforced sterilisation! It should be a procedure carried out on all new borns!! Then when they become adults and wish to start reproducing, they should have to pass an intensive examination and thorough vetting process before being granted a reversal!!!
from kill-my-star :
oh, you are great, hehe. and i live in canada. so...feel my pain *looks halfway distressed* i just had an argument with the car door. the stupid f ck wouldnt open. i almost threw my movie through it...let us gallavant to anger management together.
from beagle47 :
i'm just wondering if you ate it after the last time you picked it up...
from tessman :
sorry, also stuck in evil ohio getting dumped on by clouds ejaculating nasty goo. glad you are coming (heehee) to your senses about dweeb-dude. he sounds rotten. much worse than questionable. I would be proud if I'd found your site by searching "dog and pony sex show" and all those naysayers of such searches can lick my milkduds.
from jkatty :
live in texas. need slave. will NEVER EVER tell you to "Smile! It's not that bad!"
from red-wine :
Ho. Lee. SHIT! It's HIM???? We don't hang out, but we chat sometimes. I am really stunned. Can I bust him out on it? Can I? Can I? PLEEEZE?
from stellarose :
stuck in "thrice-cursed ohio" as well. funny, isn't it? i mean, where else can i slip THREE TIMES on my way down to the corner? nowhere, i say, nowhere. because other places shovel their walks. not here. oh no. not in o-hi-o.
from stellarose :
stuck in "thrice-cursed ohio" as well. funny, isn't it? i mean, where else can i slip THREE TIMES on my way down to the corner? nowhere, i say, nowhere. because other places shovel their walks. not here. oh no. not in o-hi-o.
from ayan :
mm... australia any good to you?
from jezolina :
DUDE! I got your note. FREEEAAAKKKYYY. I don't know the guy, but I've seen his name. Kick 'im in the head and make sure you've got steel-toes!
from angelmum :
Can I add an E) all of the above!!!!! to your list of answer options This guys sounds like a psyhco creep!
from foxfyre :
Criminally retarded. I'd block all his screen names.
from midnightsun7 :
This guy is messed up in the head and thinks everyone else is messed up too. Ya, I am a pretty avid reader of yours because your sarcastic humour puts a grin on my teenage face. My advice mess with his head a little, have some fun this guy is obviously not all there. best of luck. - abby
from warped-one :
He's criminally/socially retarded to the point where it is almost scary. Not sure which IM program you are using, but hopefully you saved conversations. I would cease and desist all contact with the guy. He's an ass anyways(oh, i did that to make you feel better), but also really messed in the head. Also, what's up with the other guy talking on the phone to super-freak? That's screwy.. kind of like he's gonna befriend this guy to get closer to you in some odd way. Anyways... definately document everything and stop communications. Invisible works wonders. Good luck!
from rockyraven :
D
from captvfirefly :
He sounds like a total psycho to me. Who needs that kind of drama? It's probably a good thing that he lives in England because he sounds like the type of guy who would just show up on your doorstep uninvited. I dunno...try to back away slowly and maybe he'll get the picture. lol Very creepy!
from bluecharis :
Hi there! I found your diary through a banner ad and I read your current entry... My advice to you is simple: Stop talking to a person like that immediately! He's clearly having issues... Your questions aren't important. It is important to realize, that this person is invading your privacy BIG TIME by phoning your ex-lover! Someone, who is doing a crazy thing like that, shouldn't be permitted into your life any further... it's too dangerous... pull the emergency brake and get your ass out of the line IMMEDIATELY!
from red-wine :
Mmmkay. How about "giant tool"? Or "sociopath who needs a fucking job, medication and years of therapy"? I could go on and on. Brush him off. Don't make a big deal of it, because then he'll feel as if he's "gotten" to you. And....you knew this was coming.....(who is it?? I GOTTA know!!! Email me and tell me or I'll TP your house. You know I will.)
from weezer1d :
sociopathic liar? idiot-savant? donald rumsfeld? perhaps all of the above. personally, i like mister-ed's suggestion about pretending to be him, but posting his info online is also not a bad idea if he's being a dildo. scary shit, especially if he's seeking out your acquaintances...
from lia-d :
Umm... Maybe he's just bored? People do lots of weird things out of boredom... I wouldn't believe him anything, not who he is, not where he comes from, not even his gender. Have a look at the phone number he gave you - is it really British (but don't call it)? Ban him from your instant messenger, whichever you're using, lock your diary for a while and I suppose he'll just drop of. The frightening fact is that he might have talked to someone who knows you on the phone. Can you prove it right by asking this person? Because if it was right, he'd come from somewhere around you. And then it would be time to be really worried.
from btchelicious :
He is insane and you need to start lying to him as much as he is lying to you and then gie him my IM screen name and I will pretend to be you and then I will pretend to be one of your lovers.
from mister-ed :
you need to pretend to be him for a while, so that he thinks he's someone else and eventually his head falls off.
from avalonte :
Hmmm.... I'm gonna say....ALL OF THE ABOVE! What a freak!
from cursedfemale :
Dude, that guy is all types of fucked up in the head. And, like, I think he's all of the previously mentioned choices. Good Lord. That's creepy.
from goddess19 :
haha. man you sound strangely like me and that is scary. i just happened up on your diary by accident and read the entry about the psychotic guy. and i think that yes, he is a complete whack job. and you should just break off contact with him. and how the hell did he get a hold of someone who knows you?? so that he could call them and talk to them? that is insane. maybe you should start totally fucking with his head. ha. that will show him. start telling him a bunch of fucked up lies and see how he reacts.
from kyruleus :
About UK stalker: I agree with all the below. Break off all contact. Lock diary. You had to know something was up when he was telling you how pretty you were, even if it was joking. Lots of freaks use the internet to take advantage of people. He seems like one of them. I wonder if he's even from the UK. I once talked with someone who said they were from Hawaii and, well, they didn't. And I made an ass out of myself. Soo...just isolate yourself from this person.
from soapboxdiner :
Regarding the UK stalker: my vote is A, B and D. I agree totally with a-splinter. Psycho unpredictable guys and very very dangerous! Block him from your IM buddy lists. DO NOT give him your number. If he continues to disrespect the distance and boundaries you set, absolutely lock your diary until he does. What a FREAK!
from moebelle :
That guy is totally criminally iNsAnE!!!!!!!!!
from piehole :
I'm thinkin': SOCIAL RETARD. He's probably holed up in his parents basement surrounded by his dungeon and dragons paraphenalia, and tossin' back 12 too many diet cokes... I still would suggest you treat him as you would a potential stalker. RECORD! EVERYTHING! Print those transcripts! PRINT!!
from a-splinter :
Get thee away. Get thee away fast. NOW. Do NOT talk to him ever again. No. Stop. NOW. I mean it. He sounds very dangerous, Lynnda, regardless of him being in the UK. And if he's reading this -- you fucking psycho, pick on somebody your own mental incapacity.
from jezolina :
HAHAHAHA @ Koos, Jen your a genius. Lynnda DUDE! He's clearly criminally INSANE and RETARDED! I mean seriously sick, sick, sick. And what's with this old love of your's. Doesn't this person have any regard for you even if you're split up? Shiat. Where is this bloke? I'm gettin out my baseball bat! and YAY! I'm SO glad you got the cd :D I luurrv U and TEH BLOKE IZ GHEY IMA GONNA KICK HIS BLEEDIN ARSE.
from zeroreverb7 :
good lord Lynnda is that Koos? Call the freaking Poh-leeese!!! I love you ...Just say No!! :) Call donald rumsfeld Now! Hugs Kisses Peace
from heidiann :
I think he's completely insane. I've come across MANY socially retarded people (online and in real life) and he surpasses even then. He's on a whole separate plane. He is completely whacked out of his gourd. I don't even think insane is a big enough word for how crazy he is.
from rockyraven :
i got outsider too
from a-splinter :
I took the same quiz and got the same output as you. Gee. Go figure eh. Let's plot the demise of the rest of the world together? Let's see how many 'of the''s I can write in this comment.
from lia-d :
Umm... Hi! I've been reading your diary recently and I've just added it to favorites... Somehow like what you write. Just wanted to tell.
from refluence :
Funny. L and I were talking about a template for you a while ago, and then I moved, and now, I'm lazy. Well. Not now, but always. Surely, that's beside the point.
from soapboxdiner :
Ends are supposed to meet in the middle? Damn. Now I have angst. Is this a socialist thing? Do the republicans know about this "meeting in the middle" concept? Suppression! Oh great. Now I have to formulate a'whole'nother conspiracy theory. Man.
from a-splinter :
Yep. They're right. Chasm and avail.
from a-splinter :
I was looking at your pictures and I was getting a little worried when I saw your wall picture. It was loading very slowly and I was thinking "Do NOT tell me she has the entire solar system plan thingy on her wall made from scratch!?" But of course -- I asked that question in my head slightly more intelligently and stuff. You know.
from robin-smith :
WORD. Humiliating memories are the most vivid and lasting kind. Not fucking fair.
from zeroreverb7 :
Lynnda...you always make everything better...ty for my note..I understand about the cartoons...I feel the same way...I Love you too You are so Beatyful smooches hugs Peace
from moebelle :
regarding your last entry.......hahaha..... what kind of people look up "dog and pony sex show" or whatever it was? makes you wonder what kind of lovely people there are out there, huh?
from knotagain :
That is *exactly* how I feel. Which is why I scheduled Feb 14th OFF, so I don't have to be one of the flowerless in the office.
from btchelicious :
I absolutely agree with you concerning the flowers at work thing. I once got flowers at work every day for one week. So NEENER NEENER NEENER! And also to quote you: "HAVING SURGERY IS A REALLY SUCKY WAY TO GET FLOWERS" but being dead is an even worse way to get flowers.
from petrichor :
If Nietzsche quoted, say, Plato, and someone made a reply to draw out a discussion about it, Nietzsche would not drop Plato's name and say they have to take it up with him as if that was enough to settle it. You used the words yourself. And therefore, they become your words to either stand by or to run from. It is not enough to drop a name. And I am not desiring any sort of flaming or argument, but an actual discussion would be interesting as it is a very interesting idea.
from weezer1d :
you're my daily dose of does-a-body-bad. just wanted to say thanks for being such a hilarious pessimist, da weez.
from scarydoll :
I like your diary & just added it to my favorites but I have to say that you update more than a mf and I should know because I spend more time on the internet than a mf. ANyway - very funny stuff.
from petrichor :
Saying that a joyous distrust is the only way to go is an absolute statement itself.
from zeroreverb7 :
:)we should have a big February party:)Love you more than m&m's you sweet sweet girl mwah hugs Peace
from darksa :
yay! i'm loved! you are off the hook. just don't let it happen again.
from darksa :
ha! i love your diary. you are so destined to be a part of my online internet diary posse, and you don't even know it. how dare you be this funny and not tell me about it? bah! i will assimilate you! you will become one with the cool crowd of diaryland! also, soulseekerz, when someone asks "if your mom is gay, are you genetically gay, too", respond: "well, *you're* a dumbass, does that mean your mother is *also* a social retard?"
from ivona :
I've enjoyed your diary for a while now, and your entry about the gay ducks got me hooked! I have a few gay friends, and I know how narrow-minded people can be. But anyways, you rock!
from obi-char :
I'll have you know I'm very angry. Every time I read your goddamn diary, my ass falls off from laughing so hard. I'm sick of it already! STOP BEING SO FUNNY! Or at least buy me a new ass.
from kill-my-star :
le sigh. i think i am in love with your entries. har, but i quite enjoyed that one :) you made a-many the great points, so 'kudos' to you.
from soulseekerz :
Hey, I found your diary the other day and I just thought I would leave you a note, I completely agree with your entry about gays, my mom is gay and i cant even begin to count how many times I've gotten into that debate and it usually ends with me just screaming and wanting to hit them... but of course i get the whole "since its genetic does that mean that YOUR gay too?" question... god i hate people sometimes... but yeah not to rant on your notes thing i just wanted to let you know I read your diary... lol
from heidiann :
A few months ago when I went inro a Teen Christian chat room (don't ask) and I used the high frequency of homosexual behavior among animals to prove that it's natural I was informed Satan had made them gay. And then I did my impresssion of Satan turning fuzzy, sunggly kitties gay and they kicked me out.
from noconclusion :
Found your diary recently, and I think its great. I already knew ducks were gay because I used to watch those great Queer Duck cartoons on icebox.com, Hi-larious. Anyways, keep that shit up, or whatever. I'm off, like a bull with gas.
from syncope :
I heart you. You and your big gay brother.
from refluence :
Gay seagulls, too. I saw it on Hollywood Squares, SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
from zeroreverb7 :
as i eat my last chocolate bar...I say..Im right there with you. I love you...you are beautiful..no Really! hugs kiss hug kiss hug Peace
from stellarose :
oh my god. you are fucking brillig. let's pretend! is a game that i love to play, but have not quite acheived champion status at yet. i'm very good at "if i'm stressed, then..." which includes rounds such as: "if i'm stressed, (then) i must be being productive," or "if i'm stressed, (then) eating this chocolate is therapeutic and not fattening," or "if i'm stressed, (then) treating people like shit doesn't count against me." *SR
from kill-my-star :
le entry c'est tr�s bon. i was impressed. and it made me laugh. and ive been rambling since i started typing this note out so youd think id have stopped by now huh? no. i just have to applaud your latest entry one more time and tell you again how much i love your diary. okay im done.
from prolific :
is this a form of retaliation because I didn't like the original quote that you culled from me? if it is, i'm sorry.
from beagle47 :
you have very nice knees, calves and ankles. peace.
from prolific :
Also, I can't believe that that's your favorite quote by me. I hate that quote.
from kill-my-star :
that was brilliant. kristen;
from thedarkwell :
Hey. I added you to my favorites but then realized that if you ever wanted to see who I was YOU WOULDN'T be able to because of my stupid locked-ness. The codename is "dude" and the password is "pants". Yes, I am original.
from petamanic :
RaWr! lol muh nick name for muh friends is patty melt GiRrRrRrR..... lol dunno what the heck that has to do with anything but anywayz! lmao your diary is fucking funny! ^.^ lol luv it lotz! lol luv y'all! xoxo, Meh
from adipose :
I just had to comment on your lovely rant that opens up bashing A Bueatiful Mind. That had to be one of the funniest thigns that I have ever fuckgin read. Well done!
from pattymelt :
did you see that movie - i think - "final destination"? hmmmmmmm
from a-splinter :
Sweetie-- you signed my guestbook awhile ago and it made me laugh really hard. So I doubt there's anythin' wrong with the other signature you're talkin' 'bout. And if it bothers you that much, ask the person to delete it. Doesn't take much.
from prolific :
you're such a sweetheart. thank you for laughing with me about midgets. how great. you know what else is great? the word "barf." just look at it. spell it. let that final labiodental fricative sound itself out. also, i got my money's wouth out of college, look how learned i am at linguistics.
from zeroreverb7 :
You know...I dont mind you using my body for you picture there...because you have a lovely face. You are So Freaking Funny!!!! I Love You Hugs mwah Peace
from tinkapnk :
:0 *squee* I love your journal...it's oh-so-funny! Hows you turtle? <3 Tinka
from smurfyabs :
I clicked on your banner and ended up reading "I don't have kids" (I think that was the title.) Anyway I loved that entry. So funny the way you word things. You've got yet another person addicted to your diary...do us a favor and write a book lol.
from knotagain :
Today, I blame your diary for keeping me from working diligently at my job. Wait, I don't do that, anyway...
from pattymelt :
you are getting funnier every day. not to say i don't agree with you about all those inspirational retards beating us "normal" people down. but at least i can feel good about not being a dumb box of rocks and dating joe millionaire!
from zeroreverb7 :
wha....whaa...whaaaaa!!! wha! wha! thats right helen...meow..meow...!!! I Love you!! Hugs Peace Mwah xo
from a-splinter :
I just read your banner and I have to say: I've bitten many a person in my day. And I'd do it again. Given the chance. There's something to add to my list...
from pattymelt :
i added that poop story to my favs list. does anyone besides me ever read other people's lists?
from scanzilla :
Yeah, but children make the Catholic church a whole lot sexier! :)
from pattymelt :
the is absolutly NOTHING wrong with pndering poop. or anything poop related. ask mikeygal!
from orgnzdanrchy :
Eh, don't take it too hard. I'm sure it was a flaw somewhere in my plan. It might be that I'm too boring, so too few people read my diary, so no one got word of my plan. Or, perhaps there's some fancy-schmancy scientific flaw that I don't understand. Anyway, congratulations on killing Christ, by the way. Someone needed to take out that holier-than-thou bastard.
from starlight42 :
Clicked on your banner. I like the gas tank story...
from pattymelt :
that was classic! thank god you have a brain that works! i would miss you terribly if you got blowed up!
from gusterpoop :
you know that you are abso-fucking-lutely insane, right? i can't get enough of it. lm7
from kill-my-star :
read your latest entry. then i read about pants and the elusive pant...that was great, so im going to take it upon myself to shift my ass over to my edit page and add you to my favorites. yeah, that happens...and moist=boo. though the band isnt/wasnt bad| kristen;
from a-splinter :
You're friggin' hilarious, woman. That made me laugh. So when I go visit you and you make me cookies and we drink that stoli and talk about how cool we are and fuck the world and some such... yeah.. I wanna see your turtles duke it out. And doesn't that just sound kinky in an inexplicably nasty way? Yeah.
from jezolina :
YAY! Penguins with whitey-tighties on! YOU ROCK ON GIRL!
from mister-ed :
kill 'em all! rurrr!
from zeroreverb7 :
a.foogin.men. and amen. we need new jobs damnit. Im going to go supersoaker. Im going to start carrying a watergun filled with lime kool aid...and Im going to get them..oh yes..them and their knock off goochie hand bags. I Love You!!!! Peace xoxoxox
from jezolina :
'..rainbow's end, waitin round the bend, my huckleberry friend, moooon riiivveerr and meee...' Frothy bubbly hearts for you punkin <3
from gusterpoop :
please tell me this was an actual, verbatim conversation with a police officer. please. lm7
from a-splinter :
Oh my gawd, you made me laugh and laugh. I'd love to meet you, for sure.. have some cookies, as long as they're not oreo-ish. I have NO idea what Stoli is, but I'm willing to try anything. And you're right. People everywhere suck... except us. We're cool. Thanks so much for making me laugh.
from slurpymundae :
i honestly believe that swearing is a skill. hell, who am i kiddin? it's a fucking sport and you must be the champion 'cause holy nipple fire, i think you're just hilarious! cramps are hell. i've argued with every single boyfriend i've had whether girls or boys have it harder. not one has agreed with me. it's harder to be a girl, you stupid 'stache stuffers! we will find a way to give them cramps for a day. HELL YEAH! i wish. just trying to be optimistic heheh. later!
from hephaestus4 :
Holy hell, now would be a GREAT time to get married. Blood and brains from the nose, dead Terminator arm, faggots covered in battery acid approaching? Come on. You need it honey. Come take a ride on the dreamboat. I can guarantee at least 6 (multiple) orgasms, 7 if you've got a pronounced clitoris, 8 if you're into well-built teenagers with afros. All this, even with the blood/brains/battery acid/bumpunchers. Yeah, I know, I'm a machine. [email protected] (please email to RSVP.decline.bitch me out.chat)
from a-splinter :
I know exactly what you're feeling right now. I'm feeling the exact same way. And it sucks.
from cuntgirl :
with some rubbing alcohol and q-tips, you should be able to get rid of the battery spooge and start again.
from jezolina :
Get some orangooze and yall viel besser. I'm very sorry to hear about your terminator arm. I told my co-workers about it and they had a good laugh though ( Warning, FAGGOT APPROACHING!). Gawd I Lurrrve you!
from zeroreverb7 :
awww I hope you feel better. but I imagine with blood and brain coming out of your nose its going to be hard to feel better. so. if you want..I can call you...sing to you...which will be so bad you will forget all about the loss of gray matter...:) uhm..or I could send you some bath beeds..or...You know I love You...Hugs Peace MMMwah
from zeroreverb7 :
Doesnt the muzak make you want to go supersoaker on someone. doesnt it just kill you that the worst possible freaking music is chosen to drive the folding hanging few INSANE? I empathise love. lets run away. lets not ever go back. I Love You Peace Hugs Mwah
from ciaramyst :
Hey, I love the snow :(( I may cry. *sniff sniff*
from jezolina :
Oh NO YOU DON'T!!! I'm gonna come and rescue you from the great Buttwash and crew. And then you'll have no excuse to keep from posting. HA!
from ailenroh :
Hey! Love your diary. ^^ Linked you, and hope you don't mind!
from hephaestus4 :
'Tis a beauteous evening, calm and free, and I'll be damned if I didn't have a good laugh reading your diary. After seeing your dilemma about needing a boyfriend to fix your car, I couldn't refrain from frantically contacting you to ask for your hand in marriage. Not only am I well versed in automobilia, but I'm also young (18), virile, easily manipulated, fun to talk to, and (as I'm told) spectacular in the sack. You see, we're perfect for each other. Let's get married. You'll learn to love Louisiana, I promise. [email protected] PS In the "Find Out Which VW Beetle You Are!" quiz, I'm the Rally Beetle. Do we match? Kiss kiss.
from zeroreverb7 :
dont you dare go anywhere..are you all trying to leave me alone in the diaryland desert? Lynnda..Ill save you from the cats..You Stay Here...Love and Hugs Mwah
from red-wine :
Well, O Shit and Whatnot. I'll have to send pizza to your abode, deliverable to basement window only. Assuming you have one, of course. If not, I've got the tranq gun ready and loaded. Just send a smoke signal and I'm on the way.
from namelessgirl :
oh now you do have cool google-like hits!
from ciaramyst :
Yay!
from refluence :
Silly girl, you are. (When did I start talking like fucking Yoda?) Anyway, go here: http://members.diaryland.com/edit/ringadmin.phtml?ring=books-lit
from ciaramyst :
Congrats on winning!
from red-wine :
Okay, this party idea is gaining appeal. Even though I'm a 'noided little freak, I'm considering. Email me details?
from slurpymundae :
holy asscrack, woman! you are too funny. my sister's cat sleeps in his litter box. how fucked up is that? he also eats plants, but he never shits. he throws up. everywhere. i'm not sure which would be worse. poor ButtWash. so basically my point is that i feel your cat-related pain. oh, and i love your entries. and i share your hatred for celine dion. at least you aren't canadian and you have to deal with the fact that she's from the same country as you. *sigh*
from jezolina :
HAHA! I bet you'll get a google hit for that now!
from jezolina :
I'll totally come and fix your car for you!
from mister-ed :
hello
from obi-char :
Cock Hoover has a nice ring to it. If we're on the vacuum tangent, Eurek-cock would be my submission. Or Cock Devil. That's all the brands I can think of right now. More as follows.
from namelessgirl :
ahahhaa! you make me laugh. of course everyone says that to you, i am sure. you are bloody brilliant.
from rockyraven :
ooh I just love your writing!
from thecity :
Love for your words and diary. xox TheCity
from rurisue :
you are just SO fucking brilliant! and i'm sure you hear [read?] that all the time, but i had to join the crowd. you fucking rock. and i'm sorry that other people don't share your vision. but if you ever become leader of the world, which you should and would if this world was a better place, i promise to be your loyal minion.
from facepunch :
are you my BRAIN TWIN?
from cuntgirl :
oh my god, I laughed so hard it sorta hurt. thank you lady, shame more people cannot appreciate your vision
from zeroreverb7 :
man. If I worked with you I would so wear Ben Dover Turkeyflap!!!!!!!!!! I Love You! Peace Hugs mwah
from rockyraven :
damn
from ryan8-5cut :
i think your hilarious. I thought you were talking about my family with the whole Christmas entry. Same with my cat too. Thouroughly unimpressed. Check out my site if you can, ryan8-5cut. I added you to my favorites
from gusterpoop :
i'll have some of whatever she's having! i'd like to see what sort of misadventures might happen if some sort of restaurateering were attempted... lm7
from zeroreverb7 :
I SO NEEDED TO LAUGH. you are so great! lemon potato beverage sugar fudge goop. Love you most wonderful woman Peace Hugs
from wacky1 :
your diary rocks. just found it today and read hella entries but yeah. love it. *byez
from localaura :
That's INSANE! I love you, too! Whoa...
from obi-char :
Can I just say this much: You may, in fact, be one of the funniest people I know. One of the craziest, too, but let's just focus on the funny part for now. Steve Perry mullet blessings your way.
from rockyraven :
i love your diary, peace
from zeroreverb7 :
i linked you wrong. im a dork. i love you :) peace
from zeroreverb7 :
hahahaha I just woke up my dog laughing! god I just love You! :) Peace Hugs mwah
from refluence :
Okay... so do you *tell* your kitty it's the cutest kitty? Like this? You'rethecutestkittyinthewholewideworld! Yesyouare!
from jezolina :
^NERD GLASSES^ Such a lovely girl you are. :)
from amberfalls :
Ha! Your banner ad was so funny, I just had to click. You have such a nice kitty! What a big fluffy butt he is! I have a big fat girl who lays on her back and wants tummy rubs all the time -A-
from zeroreverb7 :
god you are beautiful. I just want to hug you right now. :) well I always want to hug you :) love you Milky :) Peace MMMwah
from f-ckwittage :
fuck man, you are one of only two diaryland banners i have ever clicked, and it brought me back to you, why did i not appreciate your genius before?
from planetqueen :
Your diary is hilarious. I clicked on your banner. Over here (England) they keep showing an advert for a Christian �9.99 CD pack with 20,000 CD's in it or some such stuff. They play 'Our God is an Awesome God' in the advert. Awesome is such a silly word and now, next time I hear it, I will think 70's disco and porn. Thanks! That has truly made my day!
from ciaramyst :
I love your diary :)
from zeroreverb7 :
Ive had to give up my Grande Soy Milk Carmel Triple Espresso Shot Machiattos because I was zooming around the mall on my broom.....really loudly :) I Love You Peace Hugs
from a-splinter :
Hello there. Thanks so much for adding me to your favourites. I appreciate it. And the comment you picked from one of my entries is pretty funny when taken out of context. Thanks for the laugh.
from refluence :
Never, ever, EVER tell us who that was. Michael Bolton... jesus.
from zeroreverb7 :
hahahahahahahahaaa You So Rule! :) Love You Peace Hugs mmmwah
from zeroreverb7 :
:) hugs you sweet wonderful super hero of my day :) I love you Milky :) mmmmmmmwah Hugs Hugs mmmmmmwah Peace
from jezolina :
How could I possibly have missed saying MERRY CHRISTMAS to you?! I should be trampled by a thousand mall shoppers carrying bricks! Merry Christmas sweet Milky Love <3
from zeroreverb7 :
Happy Christmas Milky I Love you!!!!!!!!!:) Peace Hugs mwah
from zeroreverb7 :
I Love you cuz you Feel My Pain!!!! Hugs mmmmwahhh Peace
from zeroreverb7 :
:) Hello Lovely Milky I love You! YOu are so cool...with your muppet quiz...I came up as Rolf...does anyone remember Rolf...I do..and he So Wasnt playing the piano..he.was.faking. :) You Are So Cool! Hugs mmmmmmmmwah Peace
from jezolina :
YAY for Christmas stuff! Did you watch 'A Christmas Story'? "You're gonna shoot your eye out!"
from loseur :
yessir. me. beulah leu, this very instant your eyes are passing through me, and your mouse pointer is gradually moving toward the white text bar at the top of your browser window, and you're typing http://loseur.diaryland.com and carefully pressing the "enter" key, and now, dearest beulah leu, you will be transported to the land of the lawless. from the west bank, with love--joseph dearest.
from jezolina :
Dear dear Milky, it'll be okay. I hope your day gets better! mwah.
from zeroreverb7 :
I know how you feel. Ive had the same conversation one zillion times. I truley Love you Hugs Peace MMMMwah
from refluence :
HAHAHAHA!!! God. I love you.
from jezolina :
Dude! I think you've solved the mystery of where underpants gnomes come from.
from gusterpoop :
ghetto. so nice. i want to put you into a conveniently-sized twelve ounce can and keep you in my glove box. for when i actually get a car. lm7
from zeroreverb7 :
hahahahahaa I Love You Milky!!!!!!!!!!:) mwah Hugs Peace
from crapstein :
Yeah most cats are spawn of satan
from gusterpoop :
ha. hahaha. i love cats. sucker. lm7
from cynicaljill :
OOoOoh. arse-kickin diary. i just read the whole thing. keep in mind i'm currently delirious and doped-up on robitussin but GODDAMMIT YOU'RE FUNNY. i heart your diary muchly, keep writing. love the plastic jesus. mwahaha. jill
from gusterpoop :
if you give me your email address, i'll send you a picture of my cooking disaster. lm7
from jezolina :
I used to watch seventh heaven with my mother in law. sigh.
from zeroreverb7 :
You know what I got into seventh heaven when I was going to marry a preacher man and I found I couldnt stop watching it...then the girls got all slutty and I was like...hey now...that just makes me mad...then the mother with her change of life issues...and I just got stressed out...who is the really cute guy on boy meets world with the long hair thats really obnoxious...see....we Rule Milky Love! I Love You!!!!! peace :)
from refluence :
It's okay. I can't make box brownies either. Or cakes. And God... who WANTS to make Hamburger Helper when there's a Wendy's down the street?
from jeanclock :
Woah woah woah, I too have a list of words that are really gross. Moist is right at the top. Others are "loin," "puncture," "tender," and "caress." Bleeeaaaahhhhh.
from ayan :
goddam hippies.
from jezolina :
OMG!!! You have no idea how funny this entry is to me. A co-worker of mine and I both HATE circus peanuts with a passion.She once brought some in and we both ate too many of them. Then we both felt like crap (because they expand in your stomach) and turned into evil bitches. We always joke about them. <3
from zeroreverb7 :
ahaaaaaa! ahahahaaa!!!! I love you :) peace hugs
from jpeace121 :
you crack me to pieces with much laughter :) I Love You! mwah Peace :)
from gusterpoop :
that competition thing was so incredibly well explained that i may well lead someone to this specific entry anytime i feel the need to have it explained to someone myself. well done, madam. lm7
from jezolina :
GOD I LOVE YOU. I mean seriously, I wish I had the composure to be able to voice how I feel about something the way you do. Have a nice day off sweetie!
from wiccaloser :
I know your pain, I myself am vegan, I leave people alone,and I am true vegan not that hypocrite kind. damned convientent veggitarians!! * shakes scary fist*
from jpeace121 :
Im a violet :) I love you lovely green milk :) mmmwah :)
from jezolina :
I think it's just that random surrealist generator reeking havoc on your sweet loveable mind. But I've definitely got a case of the crazies, so don't take my word on it.
from refluence :
OI! I sing really loudly on my way out of work, does that count? "GIRL! YOU GOT WHAT I NEEEEEEEEEED! BUT YOU SAY HE'S JUST A FRIEND, BUT YOU SAY HE'S JUST A FRIEND... OOOOOOOHHHHH BABY, YOOOOOOOOOOU GOT WHAT I NEEEEEEEED." But don't tell anyone, okay?
from jezolina :
AAHAHAHAAHAHAHAA!
from jezolina :
Ooh, are ya gonna rub some calamine on that?
from jpeace121 :
one word:TEASE! why tempt me like this...you know it just makes me love you more!!!!! mmmmmmmwahhhhhhhh!!!! I love you :) peace Hugs
from bluey-grey :
i have just found your diary through a friend - your entry about loo roll had me laughing out loud! very very cool.
from jpeace121 :
god you are so right!!!!!! I love you! Peace :)
from jpeace121 :
thats it. You are officially my Goddess. I worship You! I Looooooooooooooove You!!!!!!! Hugs mmmmmmmmmmmmmmwah :) Peace
from obi-char :
Hahahaha. Man, I love you.
from blackcat14 :
i have a cat too. i dance to rap songs for her & she remains unimpressed.
from jpeace121 :
I dont have no game neither. but at least we have eachother :) peace hugs love you :)
from jezolina :
Shun the nuh!
from jpeace121 :
we need to do pilates...i hear its good for the booty. I Love You Milky Love My chocolate covered pumpkin of love!!:) mwah hugs peace
from jpeace121 :
I have days like that milky dont worry You are Too Lovely for it to last long. You are So beautiful!!!:) I love you! and You are smart too!!! Yep! hugs hugs hugs!!! mmmmmmwah!!!!
from jpeace121 :
I loveth thee with the same ferocity at which a bird loves the wind which makes its wings fly and all that and the well the wing flapping helps too..and uhm..I Love You more than my chocolate cookies!! send an email to Andrew to this addy: [email protected] you are a gold member make sure you Put Gold Member Needs Major Help in the subject line!!!! if that fails...Im sure we can find out where he lives and make him talk :) Hugs mmmmwah peace :)
from jpeace121 :
html is an evil bitch. I know. shes constantly trying to destroy me. I love you very much. Peace Hugs mwwah :)
from gusterpoop :
your stories never cease to amaze me. never. lm7
from gusterpoop :
if you get bea arthur in your show, i will stalk you both until the die i die. and john ritter'd better watch his back. lm7
from obi-char :
Haha. You should see my Waterboy panties. They make granny panties look like fucking Victoria's Secret.
from jezolina :
Oh yeah, and YAY! for little plastic Jesus too, he was gonna walk out on yo ass and then where would we be?
from jezolina :
YAYAYAYAY!! You're back! God I missed "Life with Milk".It's all just so very speschal :P Oh and the purple-and-pink-undies...you should reserve those for a ceremonial panty burning. It's good to have you aboard again, Captain.
from jpeace121 :
god i love you. and Ill go halvsies on the male hooker...You think Im kidding? lol U know i have no sex panties either...if only id known sooner!!! You Are Beautiful!!! mmmwah :)
from obi-char :
I'm so excited to have you back. I think I might have some questionable milk in my panties now. I'm forever yours, faithfully.
from jpeace121 :
My life is complete. Milky is back. I wuvs you Milky mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmwah:) hugs
from jpeace121 :
Milkyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy I Loooooooooooooove Youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu...I really do :) hugs kisses...mmmwahhhhhhhhhhhhhh :)
from violet-moon :
don't you dare to stop writing. mmmkay?? in fact, i'm gonna help you with your ambition of having a gazillion people list u as a fave and list u. that would make it gazillion minus one short of having a ga...ah, nevermind.
from idle-words :
Milky, you were sweet to me from day one and you were one of the first to make me feel welcomed. I enjoyed your sense of humor from the start, but I have come to know that you also have a sharpe mind and a loving, accepting heart. Plus, who couldn't love someone with almost perfect hair and sparkly clothes? I luv ya and thanks for the note...it made my day.
from jpeace121 :
I heart you more and more and more and more and more I loooooooooooove Youuuuuuuuuu!!!!! i wuvs you milky :)hugs hugs hugs mmmwah
from jezolina :
Well I will certainly miss your entries. You inspire things that are good. Milky is good, Milky is wise. Many hearts for you.
from wiccaloser :
NNNOOOOOO. you simply must continue on, sad as it sounds * and belive me it is sad* I look forward to hearing what you have to say. I have been a avid fan of yours since " size twenty fucking six" for you to simply upright and stop writting, is like a probe rammed up my ass, you can't. but being that I am only a low life of the diary world, in a reality where my opnioin means nothing, i guess like every one else, you can leave. it just pains me to think , that I can never come back to your diary and read such sarcasium that relates close to my own. it just seems better from someone else. Now I will have a empty space on my buddy list. you are one that I can not simply replace with another, but if you really feel that you can't do it anymore, then I can not hold you from you desicion. so if there ever is a next time for you, then till then fare thee well.
from veggiedog :
hey idiot-milk. i am a new member, and i've flipped through a bunch of diaries without having entered my first one yet. your diary seems to be one of the few interesting ones in this godforesaken land. everyone is like 14, and their names include 'star' or 'punk', and their favorite bands are fucking savage garden and saves the day. what did i expect? you'd better not abandon your diary.
from idle-words :
Milky, I'm still gonna peek in...just in case you change your mind. :X HEART YOU
from jpeace121 :
HI Milky its colormusic....Jen :) I Love You..I love you I love You I love you I love You!
from f-ckwittage :
is your turtle single? my goldfish (bertrand) is also well educated, and seeking a bathtime playmate. nudgenudge wink.
from localaura :
It stands to reason that you begin to update the moment my mom kicks me offline. ;-) I do not rule, but thank you so much for saying that i do. I do the pig person thing too-- you might enjoy The League of Gentlemen, which features scary pig people as lead characters. They could give you tips on impressing your cat. Dog? I'm too lazy to check. Anyway my point wasss.... thank you for updating. You cheer me.
from weedqueen :
so i read about your vagina. interestiong, though you under-estimate the things there are to do with a penis. And its all thanks to 'puppetry of the penis', men too have a choice, they can have a burger, a windsurfer, the eiffel tower, the woman.....the list goes on. So much fun to be had! on the whole though, i think cunts are better than dicks, but im glad we dont all have cunts, cos i like dick.
from localaura :
Up. Date. Pleeeeease. I'm growing weak. Updaaaate?
from localaura :
You know I love you, right? Yeah, I do. You make me laugh. 'Sall.
from gusterpoop :
hork is such a great word. i will use it in the future. lm7
from weedqueen :
hey. you added me to your favourites! thats nice! anyway, you are worrying me a little with your feminist thoughts recently. check out my article BY a woman FOR men (dont worry if its not there yet, it will be!) see you soon for that McD's!!
from f-ckwittage :
well, that was emphatic. :)
from inoctaviv :
I'm not witty so I won't try. I like your diary, it's good.
from intehface :
I know in, "The Color Purple" they called the clitoris their "button".. soo clicking the mouse (button?) works kinda. lol
from mermaidave :
you live in Columbus, eh?? I'm thinking of moving back there, why don't you talk me out of it?
from localaura :
It IS "singed", which must be confusing for foreigners who keep being told, "No! That's a BAD Yurio! It's SANG! SAAAAAANG!" Aaaanyway, I love you. Your nose-picking-scratching dilemma sounds exactly like something I would worry about, too. So thank you for amusing me, and when i have more than 3 minutes online i'll add you as a favorite. Muah!
from intehface :
you made me chuckle thx kaka
from weedqueen :
ur cool. even though ur a girl. ur cool.x
from halfsorry :
You ... light up my life. You give me strength ... to carry onnnnnnnnn.

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