messages to igotsprung:
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from silver4 :
Wow. You have been going through a lot..I'm so sorry. I can't believe it. Sending you my love and support
from silver4 :
Oh no!! I'm so sorry to hear about what's going on with you. I hope you and your kids pull through this and you get them back safe again soon. Hang in there 😕
from alethia :
My fingers are crossed for you. Your ex-boss sounds like a shitty human.
from silver4 :
I was pissed for you, reading about your incident at work and getting fired! However, the ending there sounded promising, and it looks like an imminent silver lining. So now I will await your exciting news about the amazing new position you will be offered! But regardless, that sucks about getting fired for such a principled thing, and them not considering your explanation. You are clearly too good for that place. Being let go from some places can be a blessing in disguise.
from dangerspouse :
Congrats on finishing nursing school! I've been reading your diary for some time, and I know it's a big deal for you. Way to go! I hope you get everything else sorted out now, and soon. All the best to you.
from dangerspouse :
When you read other peoples' diaries you often want - even expect - them to follow predictable trajectories. You and your husband split, you found A, and now we want it to be "happily ever after" for the rest of your entries (well, I do anyway). Maybe the odd speed bump here and there, but ultimately "happily ever after". This sounds pretty serious though, like it could send the trajectory off script. I do hope that A gets the help she needs and your marital ship rights itself again. You were so over the moon when you first got together. You really do deserve that Hollywood feel-good ending.
from newschick :
wanting to NOT have an eating disorder more than wanting to have one is an awesome step forward. i hit that stage in 2007... i didn't know what to do about it, or how to go about it, but knowing that simple fact eventually fueled me all the way to a mostly-recovered-and-functioning-well existence. i think everybody's ED is very different, so i don't really have any advice for embarking on recovering, but know that you're in a good place to start. :) hugs
from silver4 :
My grandma had a swing set when we were growing up. Toootally loved it. Good call! It definitely is the essence of childhood :)
from silver4 :
Rock that convertible!! You are an amazing parent :)
from silver4 :
I totally prefer outside! I just have to find a decent path; where I live the sidewalk fades to desert and I don't want to run across that. Might start going to this park nearby. But I sooo agree, treadmill really sucks! But it's definitely better than nothing!!
from newschick :
Congratulations!!! Getting married is the best feeling ever...I hope you both have a lovely day and life together! She sounds like a wonderful match. Enjoy your new wife!
from stepfordtart :
Thrilled to bits for you! I remember when you met A and how you took quite some time to get your head around it all, so Im delighted that youve now got your happy ending. s x
from spit-n-lie :
congrats!
from dangerspouse :
Congratulations on having it finalized! I know it's been a long time coming for you. May you go forward with a mind unburdoned now and have a long Happily Ever After :)
from silver4 :
You have my wishes! Good luck!
from alethia :
Don't worry. You'll never look as foolish in an election as this guy: http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2013/10/08/larry-heather-calgary-mayoral-naheed-nenshi_n_4066458.html (Needless to say, he did not win, and the guy who's been doing a really good job -- and just happens to be Muslim -- got re-elected by a landslide.)
from newschick :
Congrats! That's an amazing result.
from bliss-sad :
Super-uber congrats!!! What an amazing feeling; now go celebrate your awesomeness!
from alethia :
RN! That's awesome! Hi-fives for you!
from bliss-sad :
The point in missing him is that all of the things that made you feel safe and secure and wonderful and loved is all gone. I think it's less about your commitment with A and more about the fact that you haven't had a chance to grieve. Cut yourself some slack, you wonderful creature, you! You'll stop missing him someday, but only after you stop feeling shitty and guilty and awful about the perfectly reasonable emotions that you seem so desperate to ignore.
from silver4 :
Well it makes me sad to read that in spite of all the awesome things going in your life, thoughts and emotions of M and the life you had keep sneaking back in. It's so hard to completely pass that, and you shouldn't have to, because obviously he is part of your life and your kids' lives forever. It is disheartening because you (a general you) can have so many positive changes and opportunities and love, but that one thing just can continue to haunt and nag at you... I'm happy you are doing well otherwise..and I came across some of my old scrubs that were size XS (not XXS like you geez) and I laughed at my clothes. Can't believe how much my body has changed! But I would never switch out my awesome boobs or butt for that size again!! ;) xoxo you have lots of people who love you, M just never deserved you!
from bliss-sad :
I hope you realize how strong, inspiring and fantastic you are! Sending you lots of love!
from alethia :
Ah, I wouldn't worry about it. That's one of those things, you notice the irritant until it's gone. I have a boyfriend once who I was forever nagging to quit smoking. He did...and I didn't notice for a whole week, until he told me. Boy did I feel like a twit.
from thruthecrowd :
human compassion is a rare and beautiful gift that costs nothing but the effort and time to be present. Thank you for doing what you did for that man. From someone who have done the same.
from silver4 :
Congrats!! I knew you'd get in :)
from alethia :
Hooray! Long-distance high-fives for you!
from newschick :
thanks for the note. you're spot on. i don't think i could ever go back. i can flirt with it, and obsess about it, but i'll never take that dive. kind of like your last entry. i enjoy way too much in life to go back. but that doesn't mean i'm magically cured. blah. nice to meet you. :)
from silver4 :
I know, you're right, everyone is right about it. I'll be good about the whole situation soon enough, it's just getting past the initial crappy moment that I'm in right now. Just not in the stars, and I could never be with him again with the way I've felt over the last few days. I need to cry it out, flush it out, and open my heart for the right person :)
from stepfordtart :
Never been much of a model but am a pretty good actress. Once got offered (in the space of a week!) a South American porno and a naked cookery show where I was required to roll pizza dough by actually rolling on it. In the nude. *shakes head* s x
from silver4 :
Aww thank you, it means a lot! Sometimes you just need validation that you aren't doing something crazy, you know? I am happy with my choices, so I'm hoping it works out like I am planning it out to be :)
from silver4 :
Wow! Congratulations!! <3
from mindsleight :
Your entry: 2:32 p.m.-2012-12-06 sense of self (and several of your other entries as well) Had me thinking that you might appreciate the following book very much: "What To Say When You Talk To Your Self" by Shad Helmstetter, Ph.D. The title usually sends people into the wrong direction when the first here it. If you Googled it and read the blurb I'm confident that you would find it worthwhile. I wish you well in your journey through life and may your children, A. , and your future endeavors along your five year plan bring you much happiness. Until next time... Mindsleight
from whystinger :
"like a prison..." I understand that completely. I found your diary through Stepfie and need to find my way back and check it out for real. while I am back with my wife, when I left her is when i learned my life with her before was a prison. That was maybe 5 years ago. who knows if I can keep it working.
from stepfordtart :
UK Twat Usage 101: Ladyparts (obviously! but not in a sexy way - nobody ever said "oh baby, yeh, right in my twat"), but also 'foolish fellow' (Ive been a bit of a twat), 'irritating fellow' (Omigod, he's such a twat), 'hit very hard' (she picked up the bat and twatted him right round the head), 'very drunk' (We all went out and got twatted). Years ago, the pronunciation tended more towards the "twOt" but I think that "twAt" has overtaken it in common parlance. Hope that helps! ;-) s x
from stepfordtart :
Ive been thinking about this since your last post, but I think you HAVE to be honest with A about her writing. If you dont, someone else will and she will wonder why you stayed quiet. My husband is reasonably intelligent but he often uses words or phrases in completely the wrong context. We have agreed that I will always point this out to him (when we're on our own!) so he doesnt make a fool of himself in front of someone more important, like a client or someone like that. Its kind of Anti-Twat Insurance! s x
from alethia :
Sometimes when I can't sleep, or I have to wait patiently for a long time, I go over and over and over scenes for books in my head until I can see them just like a movie or a memory. It makes writing a lot easier.
from alethia :
It helps.
from silver4 :
You are 100% absolutely correct. I deserve better. I think we are going to try to make it work, but he is going to have to let go of his past if he wants any future with me. I am just going to be more cautious and protective now, and the relationship has regressed... Happy new year though :) new starts, supposedly
from silver4 :
No, no. None of that talk. You are a wonderful, intelligent person and you have a brilliant woman who loves you to pieces, and children who adore you. M is just one individual who didn't learn to appreciate you when he had you. All of your readers know how great and deserving you are, and you should too <3
from stepfordtart :
"Being a perfectionist means you fail at everything you do". I hear you. s x PS SQUEEEEE on ace-ing the tests!
from stepfordtart :
There are even some people who *havent* seen your arms and who are still happy to be your friend :-) s x
from dangerspouse :
Whoops. Change that question mark into an exclamation point in your mind's eye when you read my previous note, would you? Smelly, penis-wielding, and uncoordinated fat fingers, apparently. Thank you....
from dangerspouse :
J'accuse? Not ALL of us are smelly, you know. Well...ok, I maybe happen to be smelly at this particular moment. But today is an exception, I assure you. (The penis wielding thing though? That's an unbroken streak. Guilty as charged.)
from silver4 :
Thanks, yeah the insomnia sucks. It is sooo frustrating, and the easy sleepers have no idea how disheartening it is!
from stepfordtart :
You two seem to be so good for each other, and its a joy to read. s x
from alethia :
Thanks! :D
from curioushope :
I've been reading you for a bit, & really enjoy it. It's fabulous & inspiring to see how you've turned your life around. Hope you don't mind, but I just added you to my faves.
from stepfordtart :
All the way through the beginning part of that I was thinking "let A do the same, let A do the same" and she DOES! YAY! YAY! YAYYYYYYYY! So happy for you. s x
from alethia :
I've kept all my old love letters, but I keep them sealed up in little boxes just so I don't read them anymore. It always ends in jello on the floor type situations.
from thepeachtree :
I could really use a note right now, and your the only one online right now. Thanks.
from silver4 :
I feel like our dating situations are kinda paralleled right now! I laugh when I read some of your entries because it sounds way too close to mine. I think you are in a good place with A. Enjoy it..if it works to move in together one day, go for it. Life's too short, be happy and in love :)
from stepfordtart :
Just take your time and Im sure all will be well. Very happy for you, dear s x
from stepfordtart :
See here! - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Crumpet - not only do they explain what the edible one is (see 'English crumpet') but also what the slang term is (although, I didnt mean it in a 'tart' sort of way, more a 'delicious little treat' kind of thing! We had new staff photos today and we tried to convince him he'd have to take his shirt off. We're mean like that.) s x
from silver4 :
Good luck with A&P... I took it in undergrad and again in d school, and man...I'm glad those days are over!
from stepfordtart :
Its very difficult fersure. The only advice I can offer, having had to do something similar when my kids were 2 and 6, is to take things as slow as you possibly can. I have a couple of friends who have done the 'well, I like him (her!), the kids are bound to be fine with it', only to have it blow up in their faces. I hope it all works out for you, dear. s x
from silver4 :
Hahaha my mom used to always say that my dad was a sperm donor..at the time when I didn't know what she meant, it was funny.. But now it's kinda mean! My parents are silly though...yeah, I have my moments of weakness and wanting to move on to that step, but then I see how lazy and comfortable I am with my life, and I think I can wait..maybe till 33 now :)
from stepfordtart :
I think thats sensible - lets face it, its early days yet and its hard to 'un-tell' something thats been told in haste. Made that mistake a couple of times - not over dating, but sometimes natural enthusiasm for something needs to be tempered with a little pinch of caution. Your friends will understand why you hung back when/if youre ready to tell them. s x
from stepfordtart :
Communication is good. I forgot about that since Ive been ill and now Im really struggling to get it back. Glad you cleared the air with A. s x
from stepfordtart :
OH. YEAH. s x (You totally rock)
from stepfordtart :
Of course! What a great idea! Had you thought about ESL tutoring (for extra cash purposes)? We have a couple of people at the school where I work who do that - they go to people's houses and tutor kids who have only just come to the UK - we get a lot of eastern europeans here, its a license to print money if you can tutor English and speak Polish! s x
from stepfordtart :
Im not much of a pet person but I came over here specifically to say that chinchillas are pretty much OK. A friend of mine used to breed them and theyre kind of cute in a kind of 'giant great rat type thing' way. I used to chinchilla sit if she was on holiday and I quite took to the pesky little critters. s x
from stepfordtart :
: ) s x
from silver4 :
Exactly! You know what I mean! It's tough, I have no answers, I don't know how to find the answers. I guess it's just hanging in there and seeing what happens... I hope your date went well!! Happy thoughts sent your way <3
from stepfordtart :
I love the honesty of your diary as you deal with all this new stuff. Thanks so much for sharing your feelings with us. Keeping fingers crossed for an evening full of fireworks (in a good way - Im not hoping for an arson attack or anything!) s x
from stepfordtart :
Bless you! Who you decide to date is entirely a matter for your own heart. You really dont have to 'sign up' to any organised subset of humanity. That is, you dont have to 'be gay'. Just be who you are. Feeling 'electrified' is better than feeling repulsed, surely? Does it matter that the method of your electrification is a penisless one? Is 'penisless' even a word? Stop worrying about what to be and just be. ((hug)) s x
from stepfordtart :
*wonders if it would be possible to ductape L to the ceiling* s x
from stepfordtart :
FANTASTIC NEWS! *dances around the kitchen with igotsprung* s x
from stepfordtart :
Oh, thats just lovely to hear. Keeping everything crossed for you, dear (including the bit where you allow 'stuff about photosynthesis' to penetrate your brain!) s x
from stepfordtart :
Totally doing the HappyHappyJoyJoy dance for you, dear! s x
from stepfordtart :
Aaargh!I guess if its not 'top pick' or anything then its unlikely that anyone will find it straight away and assume its you, but Aaargh all the same! s x
from alethia :
You and me both, madam. Why aren't we writing books? The biggest step to getting published is actually finishing something.
from stepfordtart :
SQUEAL! How was the date? Really hoping that at the VERY LEAST you made yourself a new friend! s x
from stepfordtart :
"you need to grow up" - WTF?! Thats not a necessary comment in a class full of adults, surely? I hope you were thinking (but probably not saying - lets not get you thrown out!) "and you need to go fuck yourself". s x
from stepfordtart :
Yay to brains! (but not in a zombie feast kind of way!). s x PS Why are there so many notes from me in your notes? Am I a stalker?
from stepfordtart :
Wouldnt it have been more helpful if the instructor had said "no, its your computer.....but here is the assignment as an attachment to this email."? How frustrating for you. s x
from stepfordtart :
Hahaha! Excellent! What a splendid plan....apart from the mortal shame of having people smell your feet - I swear I would have just died of embarrassment at that point and the students would all have had to learn resusitation techniques pdq! s x
from stepfordtart :
Waft J and Heather around under your nose until the smell of dogshit diminishes! s x
from stepfordtart :
Did you never have a first date with a MAN that didnt go quite as well as you'd hoped? Yep, I thought so. Lets face it, if we didnt we'd all be married to the first person we EVER dated! Onwards and upwards, lovely creature! s x
from stepfordtart :
Kids needs boundaries. You are providing perfectly good ones. We ALL know their father is an ass-hat (and you are NOT an ogre). s x
from stepfordtart :
Im lovin Cheryl (and youre pretty great, too!). s x
from stepfordtart :
96! Get IN! *does that fist-pump dance thingy on your behalf, with accompanying 'yesssss' noises* s x
from stepfordtart :
Yay! You go, girl! s x
from stepfordtart :
Thank you so much for your note, it really meant a lot. s x
from stepfordtart :
Im given to understand that you need not choose either role, but can just exist as an entity. This is the 21st century, even if you dont want to wear dungarees you are still OK to be able to fix stuff and you need not always simper, just because you have the monopoly on the glittery lipgloss. Be yourself, its probably the best version of you. s x
from alethia :
Happy mother's day, supermom. :)
from stepfordtart :
He really is a TOTAL shithead, isnt he?! Gonads in a blender does seem rather fitting, to be sure. Just a teeny tiny nag in my mind - you CAN trust J, cant you? She just seems a bit nice to have got tucked up with such a monstrous dickhead....but then, so do you, I guess! s x
from stepfordtart :
This is just about the best cliff-hanger story in the whole of diaryland at the moment. Cant wait for the next installment! s x
from stepfordtart :
Do you challenge your mum on the things she says/does? I think, as a fellow adult (bcause youre not a little kid, after all), its quite OK to say "Mum, that was really mean. Dont say that to me please". If she flies off the handle it says a lot more about her than it does about you. s x
from stepfordtart :
Oh! *wonders.......* s x
from stepfordtart :
And there's people all around the world willing you to succeed. Well, me anyway (and probably plenty of others too)! s x
from stepfordtart :
Most of the recipes I found had gummy worms in them, too, but Im not that keen on them so I just left them out. There's so many recipes for dirt cake about - Im quite surprised that we dont have it here, although, we dont have instant pudding or cool whip so maybe thats stopped it crossing the pond......til now! s x
from polly-esther :
I remember your neighbors! It was really cool to see a photo of them; you wrote about them so beautifully. I'm very glad you're on there. It's how I keep in touch with so many people -- family, old and new friends and a few DL friends too. Sort of hard to describe, but it feels like you're more "real" to me now, somehow. Even though, like you said, I've been reading you for 10 years. :)
from stepfordtart :
Having only 'known' you for a wee while, I cant comment on whether youre a whole new person, but I deffo like the person you are now. : ) s x
from polly-esther :
http://www.facebook.com/jennifer.lawson go to the above link and click on add friend. What name are you using? I can look you up and see if i can find you first.
from polly-esther :
Yay! Are you on yet? You can enter the url I sent and send me a friend request. :) I searched for you but didn't find you. BTW, I'm really happy that YOU are happier now - you are almost like a whole new person.
from stepfordtart :
Aaaaaaarrrrghhhhh! That boy! Ohpleaseohpleaseohplease let that be an isolated incident. The son of my friend Karen used to leave little 'presents' like that behind her curtains in the sitting room. He had some kind of toilet anxiety thing going on. Wouldnt crap in the potty but quite happy to curl one out in the bay window in full view of the neighbours! *shakes head*. s x PS Thanks for your note : )
from polly-esther :
http://www.facebook.com/jennifer.lawson Can we be friends on Facebook?
from stepfordtart :
I came over here to write something supportive but I have a bad case of chemo-brain today and no sensible words will come. Best I can do is this ((hug)). Small beans, I know, but its heartfelt. s x
from stepfordtart :
I find that Google translate works pretty well for 'foreign to enlish' but not quite so good for 'english to foreign'. I guess its because of the clean up option we have when we see the english translation - we kind of know what needs to be there to make it better english, huh? Sometimes those things are harder to spot in the foreign language. My German friends laugh their heads off at my pathetic attempts to write in German. My French is better but its very rusty - good enough for impressing stoopid kids at school, but not for much else! s x
from stepfordtart :
Why not stick to your original plan but just do the freelance jobs when you feel like it/when theyre easy money/when youre broke? You can turn freelance work down with the "I would have loved to but Im working on another job for another client" lie if you dont feel like doing it, and just cherry pick from whats left. Whats the harm? All freelancers know theyre selling their soul but sometimes the are too plentiful to ignore. (CF my painting murals of fish back last summer!) s x
from stepfordtart :
You can call yourself whatever name you like! If you dont want your maiden name, you can use your married name or maybe something like your mother's maiden name or anything else you choose? I went back to my maiden name before I even got divorced - once Shagnasty started sleeping with my friend he ceased to be my husband and I wasnt having any association with him. When I married L, I just added his name to mine, so now Im double-barreled! s x
from stepfordtart :
At least if he's swearing in French, most people wont know what he's saying. Jooj, at age 2, picked up the phrase "lazy fucker" (cant imagine where from!). There's just no disguising that when she said it over and over, like a mantra. At nursery. *shakes head* s x PS the attic room sounds lovely. Both my girls had bedrooms of pink and lilac with swags and glitter and satin pillows and all that shit. Whats the point of daughters if you cant completely overcompensate for your own boring childhood bedroom? I shared with my sister. Our bedroom was white, with tasteful accents in natural wood : (
from stepfordtart :
OMIGOSH I am laughing SO hard at this. Im so sorry, thats not very supportive of me, is it? Its been many years since Ive yanked a child up by one arm and called them a turd, but if it is any consolation AT ALL, then know that you are no worse a mother than me, cos Ive done it too. s x
from stepfordtart :
Haha! Im so glad I only had girls. Boys sound like a bit of a nightmare. I want to be a foster parent - I want to do 'pregnant teen' fostering. Over here they will place a girl (with no family support) with a foster mum until the baby is born, then both stay until the baby is about 18 months old. Id love to do that. s x
from stepfordtart :
Yay! Another playdate! If nothing else, she sure does want to be your friend : ) s x
from stepfordtart :
I like the sound of him very much! s x
from integrating :
Hey, just started reading your diary. Interesting read. I'm adding you so I can keep up with the story. :)
from lostasyou :
I like your diary so I have added you because I'm really nosy like that haha :)
from stepfordtart :
I lost my (first)husband to another woman too - she was my friend. I never felt so worthless in my life. Sending good thoughts for you (and for your potential new friend) - give it a couple more days then email with a couple of suggested dates, maybe? s x
from stepfordtart :
I know I only just started reading you but Matt seems like a total turd. You are well shot of him. s x
from stepfordtart :
Heehee! That is the best example of 'revenge is a dish best served cold' that I have seen for a long time! His Ex wife and his ex GF, in perfect harmony. Marvellous! Im glad you told her about the kiddie-porn too. Thats not something that should be kept secret. s x PS My email says you sent me a note but its not appearing : ( If it was something important, will you resend it? thanks x
from stepfordtart :
Hey! Would it be ok if I add you to my faves? s x
from polly-esther :
Hey hey hey! Fancy meeting you here. I just wanted to say I'm really pleased to see how things are going for you, how you found a new direction and have new goals -- you sound so much happier than you used to. I can relate how you described your insecurities, being skepical about your MIL liking your brownies and not understanding why someone would want to be your friend. Seeing you explore it and work through it helps me do the same.

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