DiaryLand members area

Hey, this is just a note to let you know that I'm trying to resurrect C.A.G.E.D. - and I really hope you'll contribute. Check out the updated info, and take care!

from my-replay :

I like it.

from sia2k3 :

I stumbled upon your page and I found it moving

from marilynstar :

Hi! My name is Katie and I used to read your diary all the time. Just wanted to know I was thinking about ya and hope everything is well!

from love-me-more :

oh yeah, here's my email: [email protected]

from love-me-more :

i use to read your diary all the time. i would really like to be able to read it again. i have had some major changes in my life in the past 18 months and i haven't been able to update as much as i would like in my diary. there seem to be lots of gaps. hope to hear from you soon!

from aliboomboom :

Hi. I read your diary a long time ago. I didn't know that you were back and writing again. I have recently become a single mother and I remember how strong you were when you went through everything with your ex. I would really like to read you. My diary is locked too but the username is alexia and the password is 07gcr10. You can email me at [email protected] if you decide I can have the password. I'd really love to know how the two of you are doing!

from dreamofblue :

jane, where did you go? [email protected]

from evie- :

oops, I suppose I should give you my new diary. I go under the name "mathero" and my email address is [email protected].

from evie- :

Hi Jane! You probably don't remember me. I read your diary FOREVER ago as "ditzydork" & "evie-". I've been gone for awhile but now I'm back! I was a 20 year old single mother back then, I'm now a 21 year old pregnant wife with a 2 year old! I'd love to see how you've been and your little one. =)

from im2evil4u :

I would also like to know the new user name. You can reach me at [email protected]

from nixtress :

I would love the new address and password, if you care to share. [email protected]

from alifewithin :

I would love to keep on reading your wonderful work: [email protected]

from tachyonbaby :

I would be honored to continue reading: [email protected]

from skierchic30 :

i'd like to continue reading.. [email protected]

from lifeofliza :

I'd like to continue reading... [email protected]. Thanks! :)

from ilona719 :

i'd like to know email ilona[at]clouded-memory[dot]net thanks.

from laughinplace :

[email protected] (please send me the info thanks)

from zostrich :

hi! i'd love to be able to continue reading. my email is [email protected] and my new url is curvatura.diary-x.com.

from pashiesplace :

can I have the new password/username? I just left a note at the other name, LOL

from sanetwin :

I would like to know. I left a note the other day and stupid me it didn't leave for some reason?! [email protected]

from r-y-r :

Hi Jane: I am so happy to read that things are going better for you. I have been reading your diary for some time now and would really appreciate it if you shared your new spot with me. My email is [email protected]. Becky

from dollyllama :

I would love to be able to read...I read you before you locked and just wonder what's going on with you...dollyllama.diaryland.com, email is dollyllama[at]diaryland.com

from shewhowalks :

I'd love to know.... [email protected].......

from alifewithin :

Oh Jane. I'm so happy for you. You've found your love. You have your fairytale and that's more than I could've ever hoped or prayed for you. Jane, you've brought me tears of happiness. I'm so very happy for you.

from laughinplace :

your entry brought tears to my eyes. i have so much hope for you! *hugs*

from marilynstar :

Hi Jane. I don't know if you remember me, but I used to read your diary pretty faithfully before you locked it. I feel like I'm going through withdrawl! If it's no problem, I'd really like to be able to read it again!

from jilllybean22 :

Hi. Im curious to see your diary after reading your profile...could you please send me the password? [email protected]

from pashiesplace :

I'm so sorry that things have gotten tough again. I know that you'll pull thru. You have been a huge inspiration to me, honestly. I think of you often and I'm here if I can help in anyway. Huge hugs.

from shedoes :

Hey there, I would like to get your password. I used to read your diary faithfully, been away for a while.

from cccerberus :

hey, j... i found you listed in other diaries favorites. please check out my diary as i would be interested in reading yours. thanks!

from sanetwin :

I'm still locked out :( and I would love to read. Or just let me know how you and Maddy are doing :)!

from dani-lou :

Only locked for re-design...it's open now...

from shewhowalks :

And still, it's so much more. That doesn't even begin to grasp what I feel or what I want to say.

from pashiesplace :

It's being goofy. Try this link: http://pashiesplace.diaryland.com/040624_27.html

from shewhowalks :

Scares the living daylites out of me really.....

from zostrich :

hi! i've left diaryland for greener pastures over at diary-x (issues with my creepy ex roommate), but my url over there is curvatura.diary-x.com. i still read my buddies from diaryland every couple of days, and i'd like to know how you're doing. hope all is well.

from inkypea :

Please send me your password! [email protected]

from daises :

Hi hun. Finally back on diaryland, I would love it if you wanted to give me your password. E-mail is [email protected] Hope life treats you well!

from hopeanew :

i'm terrible, but i lost the password you sent me! :( i'm so sorry, can i have it again? *begs* [email protected] :)

from im2evil4u :

Thanks again - email rec'd

from im2evil4u :

I'd like to have your password please?

from la-haine :

[email protected] xxxx

from wifemotherme :

if your sharing I would like the password.

from skierchic30 :

over the last year, i have come to love reading your diary, and admire your strength as a person. i understand that you want privacy in your life right now. if you would ever release the password, i would like to continue to read about you and your lovely little girl. my email is [email protected] best wishes!!

from luv2last4eva :

I'm here to join the mass of fans. I love your writing and I would love to be able to continue reading it, however I know that you put up a password for a reason. If you decide to let people read your diary, I hope I am one of those priviledged few. My email is [email protected], so thanks.

from inkypea :

Hey Jane. I'd love to have your password when you have a chance to pass it on. Thanks for leaving your note in my lonely little diary. I wrote a letter to you in my entry on 2/20/04, if you want to check it out.

from tachyonbaby :

We don't know eachother personally, but I have loved your writing and being able to follow you coming into your own. I would love the priveledge of a password, but understand perfectly your desire to privacy. You can reach me at [email protected] and feel free to read through my own diary. Thanks, and best regards

from la-haine :

hi, i've been reading since before you became who you are now and i'd like to know how you are doing! if you don't want to give me the password that's ok, but i just thought i would ask! xxx

from familywoman :

[email protected]

from pashiesplace :

I'm not sure if you're giving out your password. If so I really miss you and would love to keep up. Hugs.

from dreamofblue :

i would like a password, please! i'm locked and i'm not sure if i gave you my password so just email me at [email protected] *hugs*

from ilona719 :

sorry, i dont know why it wouldn't work...try ilona719@msnDOTcom hope that works

from r-y-r :

Hello Jane, I have been reading your diary for a while now and I have read most of your entries, I would really love to continue to do so, if you like you can read my diary and see who I am and if you like please send me a password. Thanx!!!

from kathiec :

Hi! been reading since you started writing (before you were who you are now!) - can I have your password, please?

from nixtress :

I think I've only commented a time or two, but have read you for ages. I felt an echo with some of your entries and would really miss reading you. I know you're probably snowballed with requests, but I'd love a password if you're willing. [email protected]

from youdontknome :

May I please have a password? Thanks :)

from dalejr8fan :

I would like a password, if you don't mind. I will happily send you a password to my diary.

from meg-cntrygrl :

hey. just wondering if i could have a password. un for my diary is mycrew and pw is myob.

from sanetwin :

I would very much like to read still. I missed the entry that explained why you are locked :(. I just noticed it was today.

from neurotic-one :

Thank you for your willingness to share. My email address is [email protected]

from neurotic-one :

So sorry you found the need to lock up your diary. Hope all is well. Barbara

from razor-vixen :

Hi there! I love to keep up with you, and see how well you & your little one are doing! If you feel comfortable, I'd really like the password: [email protected]. Thanks!

from familywoman :

Hi Jane. Hope you're still doing great! I'd love to read... May I?

from hopeanew :

Is your diary locked? A couple times recently I was unable to access your diary when you updated. :( I hope all is well!

from ilona719 :

just wondering if i could have a un/pw ilonaATclouded-memory.net thanks

from saved0803 :

Hello Jane, I hope everything is going well. Just wanted to know, IF you're giving out your password, if I could also have it?([email protected]) If not, I just want you to know that I think you're a strong, courageous woman! You & your daughter are in my prayers.

from h2ophobic :

You've locked your diary. I will miss you so much. I hope your life ROCKS!

from sanetwin :

Happy Mothers Day!

from r-y-r :

I can completely understand what you said about the second love. Nothing can compare with loving a second time around, knowing what you want and what you are able to give. I am so glad to know there is someone else who feels the same way I do.

from pashiesplace :

I am so VERY happy to see you so happy & at peace. Huge hugs :)

from flyinby :

*great big hugs*

from wifemotherme :

While leaving a note for flyby I read the note you left her and just had to come over and read the author of such a sweet, kind and insightful note. I am going to have to back read you but before I read a single word I know your someone I want to ad to my favs.

from pashiesplace :

In my own heart, I felt that I was nothing. Not good enough to expect to be treated like a human being of worth, with needs and dreams~~ I just read this from your entry & burst into tears.I've been needing to cry for days and haven't been able to let any of it go, until now. Thank you, I think. I don't feel quite so alone. Hugs.

from judybean :

Just dropping in to say hello and a super-belated happy birthday to you (yikes, I really did mean to put it before but obviously didn't)... [[hugs]]

from bitterwineuk :

Hiya, remember me? I really could do with some support, some advice and someone to tell me things will get better. Please drop me a line. Becca

from pashiesplace :

You are amazing & I'm so happy for you. You deserve the peace & joy that you are slowly finding. Happy Birthday & congrats on the roomy size 4's!

from shewhowalks :

You and Miss Maddy are in my thoughts and prayers. We hope this passes quickly. ~Meg and Emmy

from pashiesplace :

(((((Hugs))))) Mothering is so very draining at times isn't it? I hope Maddie feels better soon.

from science-boy :

Hi. Thanks for the note. The survey was good. And I was somewhat surprised at how I opened up. I think the demeanor I glean from your writings put me at ease with you. You really do have a lot to offer the right guy. Just keep doing what is best for Maddy and you'll find him. Or her. You never know! :-) Have a great day! {{{HUGS}}}}

from pashiesplace :

Any type of writer's block is just so painful. I've had it so bad that when I'd go to write out a check my hand would hurt! So frusterating. Glad you're flow is returning. As for Michael...maybe he is "the one" but this is just not the time. Maybe she is a diversion that will in time make him really **see** you. Or maybe that great love is right around the corner still, waiting for you to be ready :)

from flyinby :

I just read your note you left me. I just wish you were here right now, I think I would hug you to pieces! Thank you. {{HUGS}}

from henry-jones :

Just read your diary. You are great and I know it will all work out for you. I love William Blake so stoked to see the poem. Hi to Maddy. Luvya, Craig

from shewhowalks :

You and Miss Maddy are in my prayers. I hope she recovers quickly! ~Meg

from pashiesplace :

Have I told you how much I love you. You always make situations (mine or your own) become very clear. you are absolutely right.

from lovely-freak :

i just checked and nope... no scroll bar. i was thinking it was the same color of the background so i tried to move it where it should be but there isn't one there... hmmmm... maybe it is because i have a mac... sucks tho' because i can't read 1/2 of your entries... btw... the review site does the same thing but it hasn't been an issue for me because the words don't ever go to the bottom of the page... i signed up for a review too...

from lovely-freak :

i haven't checked yet... maybe it's because i have a mac...?

from lovely-freak :

i can't make your scroll-bar show up on my computer so i get to the bottom of the entry that shows up and i can't finish reading it... wtf?!? i don't have any idea what the problem is because this has never happened on any other website except when the entry stops before the end of the page box and then there is no need for a scroll-bar... do you have a scroll-bar? or is it just me?

from shewhowalks :

I am actually reading Codependant No More at the present time. I keep reading and rereading the paragraphs going "Oh my god! I DO do that!" It's a little hard to take in, but so very wise all at the same time, you know?

from ophelias-cpr :

Hi Jane, I got your name passed on fron Henry Jones (someone I contact through diary land a lot) and he thought we may have a bit in common. I have been through a divorce and am currently separated from my 2nd husbad after a pretty traumatic relationship. We apparently like the same stuff, so thought I'd give it a go. Hope to hear from you, I'm pretty new at this . Kate xxx

from preciousgift :

{{{HUGS}}}

from shewhowalks :

I know I had something to say here...I really did. I'm just gonna email you. *sigh* Yeah, I know, I'm hopeless. ;)

from henry-jones :

Hi Jane Thanks for your survey. It certainly made me think. Hope youre getting sorted. Craig

from shewhowalks :

Miss Jane, I've said it before and I'll say it again....beautiful. But we all knew that anyway.

from ihmx100 :

Your picture is absolutely gorgeous! All along, I've had an "idea" of what you looked like. You mentioned in a few of your entries about your physical features. However, like many others, the power of suggestion is really strong. I began to associate you with the lady on your diary! You are more beautiful than I ever imagined and you do look very mature for your age. We are the same age by the way. Marriage and divorce can age you by quite a few years, however, although you don't look like a "kid" anymore, you still look young, healthy, and vibrant! Good times are ahead for you. Just keep that thought in the back of your mind. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers today. I know how dificult this day will be.

from pashiesplace :

You are absolutely stunning!

from starlight42 :

It's funny, but as I read your diary, so many of your feelings and thoughts were like my own when I broke up with my ex. What you are going through is probably worse. I hope that soon you can move past your pain & begin a new life, without him. Maybe 2004 will be that year...

from pashiesplace :

((((Jane))))

from candy-corpse :

For staters Jane is such a pretty name, second I'm sorry about the divorce and all. My parents are going through a terribly messy one and I can't imagine being 22 and having to go through that. Take care.

from ihmx100 :

Jane, I am so sorry about the pain that you are experiencing. Are you feeling any relief yet? Bless your heart. You have been through so much, but you are right...you will look back in the future and realize that you DID make it. You are so strong. I keep you in my prayers. Please keep me in yours. I will definitely be thinking about you on the day your divorce is final. I went through mine like I was a zombie. But I'm so happy now. And you have so much to offer to the world...you are a survivor!

from pashiesplace :

Merry Christmas to you & Maddy. I did get your card & oh my, she is beautiful! Emmy keeps gently baby talking to the card. There is a package coming your way for Maddy. I REALLY wanted it there by this morning but thats not realistic. Anyway, it's just a few Christmas things to add to her gifts. Make them from Santa, from yourself, whatever. It doesn't matter, I just felt the **need**(not sure why)to add to her Christmas & yours. You are doing such an amazing job with her! ((((Big hugs))))

from cutie1083 :

I hope you and Maddy have a merry x-mas:)

from pashiesplace :

Can you email me your mailing addy one more time? I have it somewhere but...you know how that goes, LOL

from shewhowalks :

You'll never know what that means to me. Thank you.

from tokcocktok :

Thanks again!

from pashiesplace :

Have fun today!

from tokcocktok :

Hey Jane, thanks for the review. The IM link does work for me and several people have contacted me through it...strange. Anyways, happy holidays :)

from hilaryjordan :

Thankyou for the note I really appreciated it. I'm glad you thought it was "mature". I was afraid I was coming off very child like. I may or may not delete them. Thanks again!

from pashiesplace :

Awww Maddie. Em is prone to ear infections too. I feel so bad when they get them because I used to. I remember how they hurt. Yay on the pounds! That feels awesome doesn't it. Sounds like a great boss too. Old Navy money is my favorite kind! (((Hugs)))

from pashiesplace :

Michael. :O) The part of your entry about what you want to remember is really, truly awesome. It's amazing how when things are so new, we hang on to every single moment. Every gesture is golden.

from pashiesplace :

I am so happy for you! You so deserve a wonderful time with a wonderful man. Wherever it takes you. (((Hugs)))

from shewhowalks :

I just don't understand how the man I put my faith, my heart, my love into could do this to me. And they won't do anything about it. I'm afraid. The woman at the clinic said there are protesters there every day. I don't want anyone here to know, but I have to talk to someone. I can't just sit on this alone. My pastor would have a cow if he knew I still even assosiated with DS. I just feel so lost. More so than ever before.

from shewhowalks :

Jane, I don't know what to do. I cannot do this. I can't raise another child. He raped me Jane. I can't do it. I can't. But I can't kill another child on the day my baby turns 2 either. I don't know what to do. I want to dissapear.

from shewhowalks :

I don't think I'm doing what you think I'm doing. I have my darling angel to live for. But I do need your prayers right now. They are greatly appreciated.

from pashiesplace :

Yay Maddy!!! Big deal there! I am proud of YOU also. I know how hard it has to be to stand your ground when you still feel, well, you still feel raw emotion connected to Jack. You should be proud. (((Hugs)))

from shewhowalks :

Just wanted to let you know that your words reach my heart. Not because I feel sorry for you, not because I think everything in your life is going wrong. But because I understand, empathise, and care. Your words echo the feelings deep within myself. The words I cannot seem to form, to put on paper, are placed by your hand.

from pashiesplace :

I've actually wondered about OCD. She always has a list of things to ask/say at bedtime. If anything interrupts the list she has to start all over from the beginning & you just can't prevent her from doing that. It's like she HAS TO do it. I've mentioned that to John. I've been thinking we need help with her for awhile. I see the ped Monday for the babies shots & I'm going to talk to him then. (((Hugs)))

from brettin :

I always have crazy dreams with toilets and stuff too, like that all the toilets are way too big or none of them have water or something and i keep on looking but they're all messed up. had one like that last night actually. crazy.

from pashiesplace :

utter & crap for my now locked diary. My MOTHER found it.

from idiotreviews :

Like having your diary reviewed? Check out Idiot Reviews!

from shewhowalks :

You know, it made me smile to see you release those words, that anger. It's what I've felt for so long and it's almost like living vicariously through you.

from flyinby :

Yes, twins, and I just found out a couple of days ago! Boy is it ever nerve wracking, too! Thanks so much for the honor of making me a fave! :)

from shewhowalks :

Thanks. You're prayers would be greatly appreciated, for both she and I.

from shewhowalks :

As much as I hate that you are feeling what you are, it's good to know that I'm not the only one. Something tells me that Lily is right though. Keep your faith unwaivering, and the rest will fall into place.

from ciulionn :

Thank you so much for the note you left me. Through that, I started reading your diary. Absolutely astounding. I will continue to read...

from shewhowalks :

Praying for you, empathizing with you....

from youdontknome :

Wow, I fell in love when I started reading. Your diary reminded me of some of my friends, and I just felt like I knew you. God bless, and I'm praying for you and Maddy! :) <3 Jenn

from sopathetic :

congratulations.

from shewhowalks :

I am so so so SOOOOOOO happy for you!!!! The news just makes my day go so much better! That is so awesome!!! Yay for Jane and Maddy!!!! Whoo hooo!!! *smiling from ear to ear*

from shewhowalks :

Please, do the same. I don't have my email address listed, but I'll be happy to give it to you if you just let me know. I hope all goes well today sweetie, let me know.

from bloodredrain :

From one Jane to another...Hello! I have just found your diary and it is a really good one to read. I don't really no much about your situation but I will say good luck for the court thing anyways.

from lilith73 :

I just had to list you as a new favorite. I understand all too well the feelings you are going through while trying to keep your daughter safe.

from shewhowalks :

Don't ever be sorry. You know, I don't think either of us are who we would call "ourselves" these days. Times are hard, and you're so stressed that you want to go nuts. It's okay though. Even if everyone is just looking at you like you're completely crazy, it's okay. You have every right to be, as a mother, a child and a woman, you have every right to be mad in your own mind. This is all a very maddening situation and I'm learning that it's okay to be a little crazy. Sometimes, the sound of your own unfamiliar laughter, is the only thing to get you by. I doubt any of that helps, and I wish I could come and be with you for the hearing. We'd have to go eat and have a complete bitchfest, celebration that this whole step is over for you. You're in my thoughts sweetie.

from shewhowalks :

PRAY � WHEN THE ROAD IS STEEP PRAY � WHEN YOUR HOPE GETS WEAK KNOW THE FATHER HEARS THROUGH THE SILENCE AND THE TEARS YOU PRAY � WHEN YOU DON'T KNOW HOW PRAY � HEAVEN'S WAITING NOW AND JESUS IS JUST A BREATH AWAY PRAY ~I'm praying for you and Maddy every day sweetie!!

from sopathetic :

i have only read on entry of yours but i just want to say you seem so strong and i hope everything goes good for you on Wednesday. I hope life gets better, and you find someone who you can be safe with. stay strong. everything will be alright. just believe. you give me strength to keep moving on, and never give up. thank you.

from raven72d :

A lovely, lovely diary...and a haunting layout image.

from irishblueyes :

I just wanted to say what a beautiful diary you have. I relate to many of the things you say because I too am a young mother. My daughter is only 13 months and I can't wait for the first i love you. I actually found you while looking for a review site, and I think I would love to request a review from you, but need a few more entries first. I haven't been keeping this diary very long, I switched from an old one, and this one is just getting going. Great diary, can't wait to read more.

from shewhowalks :

It's amazing when they say those words for the first time. I still melt when Chy tells me. I want to say I'm here for you, but I know all the "I'm here for you"'s in the world don't help at a time like this. I hope you know you're loved, and cherished. ~Tex

from sbspsd :

No problem.

from sbspsd :

Your review is up at Sepia Reviews! Finally. Sorry for the long wait.

from shardsofsoul :

yes! i am so proud of you. &&i know you probably don't know me but i had to tell you that.. you are so brave jane, yr an absolute angel. ♥ kimia.

from shewhowalks :

You know, it saddens me that I'm losing faith, but I feel so run over right now. You're right, dreams are dreams, and simply that. Thank you for your encouragement and care. You're wonderful.

from judybean :

10/8: Oh Jane. That guestbook just ate my entry (when really it should have eaten the one that's before mine where so much is terrible). Your life as you knew it crashed. Everything in your world was pulled out from under you because it wasn't what you thought it was. You *need* to grieve. You need to take the time, go through the steps and keep moving forward? Does this other person not see how far you have come already? It might seem like nothing to you and maybe some days you do take a few steps back, but overall you're moving forward. You're moving the right direction. And? I see the happiness. Really. It's not outright all the time, but I can see it. Especially when in regards to your beautiful, precious Maddy. I can feel you beaming and the warmth that radiates. You're heading in a great direction. If you didn't grieve I would certainly worry about you more! It's normal, natural and healthy to work through all of this. That way you can focus on Maddy all the more and the wonderful life that awaits the two of you!! *hugs*

from shewhowalks :

Good for you sweetie. It's good to see someone who knows what their own emotions are doing, and that it's healthy to feel everyone of them. It's a comfort to know you are strong in this realization. It takes so much time to heal, especially when the wounds are deep. You are loved, always be sure of that, if nothing else!

from pashiesplace :

LOL Blues Clues ison now. Anyone that values/valued their marriage needs time to heal. You're right. It'd come out somehow!

from pashiesplace :

Jeezuz. Why is it so hard for some people to realize that writing is a release, it helps you NOT to wallow in misery the rest of the day. You need to have a place to vent, cry, whine, feel...and you don't need ANYONE critiquing it. Healing is a long process. People that heal too quickly make me wonder if they are just stuffing their feelings out of fear. Maybe they don't have the courage to face their own emotions.(((Hugs)))

from delicaterevu :

Your review is up @ Delicate Revus!

from shewhowalks :

I wish I had something beautiful and comforting to say to you. I'm sorry, I don't because I know it feels like your world is crashing down on you, and what can make you feel better about that? All I can do is have you close your eyes, take a deep breath, and know that you're being hugged accross the miles.

from pashiesplace :

It has to be so very hard to see that reality in print. No matter how many times you've gone over everything in your head, actually seeing it, in ink, must make it real in a new and unpleasant way. ((((Hugs))))

from shewhowalks :

It's hard when the one person that was supposed to be there for you, if not only for your daughter, starts to just fade away, isn't it? Hang in there sweetie. We'll make it through together, with the most beautiful babies in the world. If I can do it, anyone can!

from shewhowalks :

Stay strong in your convictions, and the rest will follow. You know that, I know you do. The friends in faith will come, and while I can't be your friend in the department, simply because while I am a spiritual person, I'm not Catholic, and really know nothing about it to even have a conversation with you about it. I am thankful for you though. Smile Jane dear, you're beautiful.

from shewhowalks :

I was just thinking that the other day actually. How she's really the one that keeps me going rather than me keeping her going. Funny the things they don't have to know. I need to try to get some sleep Jane dear. She'll be up in less than 4 hours and I need to be able to get her breakfast without sticking my hand in the toaster. Try to do the same, sweet dreams...hopefully Italian ones!!! ;)

from shewhowalks :

Back in February we had a huge fight, he ended up pulling knife on me, and I called the police. Later that night he came home to get some things, and when he left I was standing in the kitchen, and he yelled at me "See that knife, pick it up, go ahead and slit your wrists, you're better off dead!" It replays in my mind day after day and all night long. I've never told anyone that before....

from shewhowalks :

Don't be sorry. I made my choices, and I'm the idiot who stayed for 3 years of it. I can handle the physical, it's the emotional that I have a hard time dealing with. They say that words are only words, you know the whole sticks and stones will break my bones but words will never hurt me theory.... It's completely incorrect. At least to me.

from shewhowalks :

You're reading them correctly, but you'll never know the half of it. No one will. Still, you're probably the only one who will ever understand, even without knowing. If the people in my life knew what went on here, they'd disown me, completely.

from shewhowalks :

I can see you being perfect for someone. You'd make my best friend Brian laugh so hard. You'll love again, it's in you, in your blood. The love you have for your little angle will eventually overflow to someone who loves her just as much, and the result will be that all the love that's too much for her, will combine the two of you into something wonderful. Golden. I have to say, that as much as I want to love, to show someone how much I love them, I have a very hard time believing that I'll ever let anyone love me again, or let my heart go the way I did. It hurts too much, physically and emotionally to even think about giving my heart to anyone else again.

from shewhowalks :

I've had two others, and he's found both of them. He's never found this one, and I haven't used any real names, including my daughters, so I'm hoping even if he's still looking, he won't find it. I had to delete everything onsite at that moment. I sadly didn't have enough time to save any of my work. Can't keep it on paper either, he'd just find it there too....lose/lose situation with him, always.

from shewhowalks :

I'm glad I can make you smile. It really is odd how we connect with people here. Without this site, I'd be completely with out anyway to write anything down. I wish you could read some of my earlier stuff, it was good, you would have liked it. But I had to erase it all....

from shewhowalks :

You're not nuts, and besides, even if you are, you're in good company. You want nuts? I've been chasing the same guy (Jersey) for 8 friggin years, and somehow I ended up married to the completely wrong guy, and with a child (Not that I regret her for a moment, she's my life) while he's still incredibly hot and I'm still so in love with him. He's waited all this time for me, now what am I supposed to do? Let him take me as damaged goods? Let me tell you something else, if this guy, can see half the beauty in you that the rest of us do, he'd be the nutty one to run away!

from shewhowalks :

I'm glad you have something to take your mind off things. Especially an Italian something. I'm having to settle for ice cream! And trust me, it's not Italian!! ;) *I just sent this to myself by mistake!! I'm such a nerd sometimes!*

from shewhowalks :

To be able to be that at ease with your surroundings, your life. How nice that they really have to know nothing that's going on, just so long as they know they're loved. Maybe that's where it all starts, love. Maybe if I felt loved again, and not so empty and alone, I could sleep.....

from shewhowalks :

Don't you wish you could just do something like transform yourself into Maddy and go to sleep wherever you want? It's silly, I know, but it's a thought.

from shewhowalks :

I hope you're well tonight Jane dear....... It's something like 2 am, and I truely hope sleep is coming to you easier than to me! ~Tex

from shewhowalks :

We have a lot in common, but in odd, funny little ways. Our babies are even fairly close in age! If I had to guts to pick up and move, we'd just have to get a big house with lots of rooms and let the girls run around and have a ball of a time! How much fun!!! For now, we can be best internet buddies. Take your time in reading, it's all kinda jumbled at this point. My really good work, the work I put myself completely into is gone, from another name had to be completely deleted. Take care darling~

from shewhowalks :

I live in the Texas panhandle. And yeah, we're both going through divorces with a little girl to worry about, and cherish. It's hard when there's not really any one to draw strength from.

from shewhowalks :

I wish you and I were friends. I could really use a friend right now.

from hunurevu :

Your review is finished!

from starlight42 :

that entry does provoke some thoughts...I agree with you, maybe at least right now she can't miss what she never had. I feel for both of you. It's too bad he doesn't know what he lost yet, but he will in time.

from me-me-meee :

I'm glad to hear that. If you go back through my diary to whenever easter was (I don't remember but sometime in April) there's easter pics of my kids and Kimberley (Kimmie is my internet slang) is the one in the bonnet. Your little girl reminds me so much of her... mostly her body language but it's so cute regardless.

from pashiesplace :

Oh Jane she is so sweet!

from giftedreview :

i would like to invite you to be reviewed by Gifted Review, set up by aduvingion. i'm juz starting out, and since i've been reading your diary for a while, i thot i'd invite you to have one.

from ruvoryn :

I know it will never replace another person being there with you, but my son and I both used to have horrible nightmares, too... I got a dreamcatcher for his room and mine, and now nither of us ever have nightmares. Dreamcatchers are really powerful, they really do work. Hang one over your bed, right over where your head rests, (or in the middle if you're a tossing/turning sleeper), and it will catch the bad dreams in the webbing and only the good ones will filter down. I've had one over my head since I was a teenager, and I've never had bad dreams since. I hope you can find one and give it a try... if you have trouble finding one you Feel works, let me know, and maybe I can help out. It's not much, but it's all I can do for you now... that, and to remind you that I'm here, reading and loving. <hugs> Love, Ruvoryn

from gnu-high :

Thanks muchly for the use of your questionnaire. :)

from shewhowalks :

Jane, I've been reading, from the beginning of this journal for several days now. The love you have for your little girl suprises me, not in a bad way, but you're the only other person I've ever heard say they were in love with their child. I'm going through a lot of what you are at the moment, with divorce and her father and such. But I want you to know, I really look up to you. You bring joy to me daily and stregnth to my heart. I cry for you through some of your entries because I feel the exact same things. Continue to be strong, continue to believe. In love, Meg

from spritopias :

Which banner was it, may I ask?

from justjordan :

My alter ego is currently in the making. Once I get it up and going I will more than gladly send the password your way. Thanks for the review. Reading it made my heart smile.

from dalyrical1 :

id be honored to have you quote me. we are so much alike that it hurts so much to read you...i feel everything i dont want to feel in my life through yours. stay strong, girl.

from pashiesplace :

(((((((Jane)))))))

from rockerhobo :

hi i just wanted to say that i read your latest entry and i really loved it. thank you. -arhanti

from batten :

Yup. I know the feeling. But the fact that you're going on, taking care of yourself and baby is a testimony of your strength and bravery. Hang in there. You're going to be just fine. -J

from tragiclovest :

Hey Jane... just wanted to let you know that my games list is up... *HUGS* :)

from starlight42 :

I just wanted to leave you a note of support. I found your diary through Lizachaneen's, and read several entries...your writing really struck me. You have so much going on in your life right now, but it seems you are headed in the right direction.

from pashiesplace :

I just wanted you to know that I read every entry. I don't often comment because it almost seems like I'd be disturbing your healing. You've gone thru considerable pain, but being on the outside, I can see a beautiful healing happening. (((Hugs)))

from cutie1083 :

I'm sorry you're having a hard time right now... you seem to be a very strong and brave person and I hope everything turns out to be okay for you and the baby. I love your diary:)

from flyinby :

wonderful new layout! :)

from camera-girl :

I just love your writing. i will added to my buddy list. brucegirl.diaryland.com (I'm logged in as the other me. :-)

from kanoodle :

i came across your diary today &i think that it's wonderful. you have such an adorable baby girl! the best of luck with everything in your life; i think you're a very strong person. ♥

from catsmeow1224 :

Your strength is admirable, Jane. I couldn't do the things you do.

from meg-cntrygrl :

okay, username is janedoes and password is feelthelove. thanks...

from arifoxhawk :

And thanks for signing the guest map!

from arifoxhawk :

=] Thank you. I feel the same way.

from sbspsd :

this is an invitation to be reviewed by sepia reviews. (our review site is located at: http://sbspsd.diaryland.com) request in our notes section after reading the rules and scoring and remember to include the catch-phrase and the word "INVITE". Invited guests have a priority on the pending list. cheers!

from solstice36 :

thanks for joining the abused ring. also check out http://speak-out.diaryland.com, a place where you can post poems, stories and experiences about abuse

from sundried :

please help me out by making donations to PayPal, so we can keep Dried-Tears up and running and having better progress.There is a link in my diary.Thanks-JR PS: If you do, this will get me to be on a better level with the members.

from sweetreviews :

Your review is up!

from dalyrical1 :

jane....thank you so much for the great comments. the reveiw doesnt mean half as much to me as the fact that you really liked what i had to say and connected with me. i am honored by your praise and i will continue to faithfully read you so i can gain and give strength from and to you. thank you for adding me as a fave!!

from acedia :

I found this diary somewhat serendipitously. I rather like it. Thank you for writing.

from wheeloffish :

It's a pleasure to be introduced to your diary, but I must say, I found the first thing I read to be very entertaining. I could've sworn you said "I was a PORN dancer on a nationally competing level". I must admit, I was a trifle disappointed to correct myself.

from p3-corr :

hi, thanks for the note. i love teh pictures of your baby, shes sooo gorgeous!!!

from fleur-review :

your review is complete!

from sparklefae :

Hi! Thanks for joining the Artichoke diaryring =0)

from meg-cntrygrl :

Hope you're having fun in Texas. I hope you come back soon. I miss your entries! :)

from alicewonders :

Thanks for visiting my diary. I read your most recent entry and will come back to read more when I'm not running out the door. (Yea, real mature that *need* to check e-mail before leaving the house EVEN when I'm already late.) Anyway.. I can totally relate to your finding writing in your diary therapeutic. I haven't been very good about it lately, but over the time I've been writing in diaryland it has helped me more than words can say. It gives me a place to work things through before I open my mouth, a place to record my thoughts and observations, a place I can feel nearly 100% safe. It's been a very good thing in my life. Okay, now I'm *really* late... more later. xo ~Alice

from celtickatt :

Hello. Kayce asked me to come by and leave an html tag for you. To stop your pages from showing up in search engines, add this code inside your html tags that say < HEAD > </HEAD >: <META NAME="ROBOTS" CONTENT="NOINDEX, NOFOLLOW"> Remember that all of your pages that have been picked up by the spiders will remain found through searches, but all of your entries after you place that tag in your template will not. Holler at me if you need anything else! :p

from sinfulreview :

Your review is up from Sinful Reviews.

from discobiscuit :

hey! thanks for leaving me a note, oh i obsess about names all the time haha, i actually don't want children at all, i just want to name them. like if i were to have boys, there names would be either Stone, Xander, Echo, etc. i'm big into very unique names, for girls, like Rain, or Meadow, Lava, things of that nature, what are your favorites?

from meg-cntrygrl :

one more question..where do you get the comment feature from? Its really cool.

from meg-cntrygrl :

are you still going to be updating your other diary?

from mojo1915 :

Hey there buddy! I hope you have an awesome day! ~Jesse

from texanboy14 :

Hey! I just wanted to let you know that I just posted your review @ DiaryReviews, and I'm about to add you to my favorites! ~Timothy, J.M.J.

from lizachaneen :

Ack I just realized I didn't call you Jane in my comment. I'm soooo sorry. I see that you fixed it though. Ugh sometimes I can be so ignorant!

from avalonia :

Thanks for welcoming me to your rings! I'm so glad I'm not the only picky eater out there. Honestly, I thought I was a freak or something :)

from judybean :

yes, the left box eats all of the rest up for me!

from judybean :

is it just me? I'm having trouble with this format covering up your entry!

from chordchild :

just stopped by to say thanks so much for joining the c-a-g-e-d diaryring, in support of the site at caged-freed. it's always really encouraging to find a new supporter. take care and please feel free to submit an entry anytime!

from jankly :

thank you for your advice and your suggestion of the book...i will look for it. thanks also for your support - i look forward to reading your diary and i'll give you as much support as i am able.

from gods :

the below note comes from z0tl, he had to hack into gods' account to leave a note goddamit! because god andrew is out of his minds and he denies z0tl his freedome of speech. for that he shall pay drastically, perchance one of his servers will be hit hard with a jackhammer!!!!

from gods :

hi jane, rather than getting divorced right away, maybe living separately (in the same house :) for a while would work?-) i dunno... i've never really wanted to divorce my wife, even tho she sometimes threatens she will leave me. welcome to d*land.

from dalyrical1 :

i really like your diary...i hope you dont mind me adding you to my faves list so i can come back....

from jadedmist :

Hey there, I just wanted to welcome you to the anti-circus ring! And I know you don't know me, but hey, good luck with your husband. I really believe you made the right decision for the sake of your child. May God bless you for doing this.

from jankly :

i'm new to diaryland and came across your diary...just wanted to say hello and good luck.

from bonkersquipy :

welcome to the anti-nsync diaryring...and thanks for joining...

from jelibeary :

Hi I ran into your diary today and saw that you are farely new. I just want to say hello and welcome to diaryland. :)

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