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Your words are profound and daunting I pray all is well with you. There is a way out of the darkness, where I struggle is in trying to keep the darkness from consuming me. I'll never give up the fight, Sandyz

from suta :

thank you... you've been reading me for a long time indeed. It's been quite a while since you reviewed me. How are you doing?

from shrinkmeana :

It's Michael again, I hope we can catch up, perhaps through email, I'm still trying to find my way, life has been crazy.

from irun4melissa :

Hi jiltedsoul, it's Michael, I knew you from Diaryland a few years ago, I'm the guy that always was creating new diaries. (summersands)Anyways, I just wanted to say hello. I have a new diary now, if you'd like to read, just drop me an email at [email protected] I hope you are doing well my friend.

from suta :

do actually still read it? why actually?

from becomingmoms :

once preshusthorn, i can now be found here or here: my-serenade. you're welcome to remember...

from suta :

Ill send you a password =)

from fightn4life :

"All is quiet" I hope this is a good thing. I am thinking of you, Sandyz

from fightn4life :

I just wrote (haven't post yet) about keeping the back door shut. Blocking all emotions in order to move on. God I understand what you are writing about. It is called survival of the heart and mind. I hope so much you can find that peace within, that quiet place, and then you can move forward. As you said do not get bogged down in his pain�he too can move forward. I can't think of how many times I lost myself in another persons pain. Lord knows we have enough for ourselves. I wish you so much peace. Sandyz

from fightn4life :

In the grand scheme of life there is nothing we can do that is unfixable while we have breath in us. We learn so much about us about life when walls come crashing down, still when we pick up the pieces and move forward alone or together we must learn to forgive ourselves and in turn we realize it is possible to forgive another. When we come to terms that we cannot undue what is done, it's done then learn, forgive, and move forward. Hard as it seems it is possible. There have been many times in my life I have felt my life was over because of a horrendous unforgiving mistake was made, I lost days/months of life losing myself in grief. Nothing changed, life moved forward without me, and here I am still around today, years later and was able to forgive, sometimes myself other times another person. Try not to give up, life is precious, we just do not always see what is right before our eyes, we are afraid. My heart is with you, Sandyz

from herdarlinsin :

Sometimes maybe it's what is out of control that makes us realize that our life is the way it is. I don't know. I just know I never felt mre human than when my life was in chaos. Now that it isnt any longer, I'm bored. One would think that a person who enjoy the quiet. Well, I do.. just not so much the aloneness that surrounds the silence. I miss talking to you. Send me an e-mail sometime. I will return the favor. And, the answer to your question is, yes. :)

from fightn4life :

My thoughts are with you, it has been so long from the time you last wrote...now I am worried even more. If you need someone to talk to let me know...I am right here, Sandyz

from herdarlinsin :

Hey there. girlie. Its been such a very long time. I read what you say, but always know deep down there is always so much more that youre keeping to yourself (and that is fine) I just worry about you is all. I hope things arent as far out of control as you think. Maybe there is still time ?? *hugs*

from herdarlinsin :

Happy Easter, anyway :)

from herdarlinsin :

Jesus, why are you so empty??

from fightn4life :

I have missed your entries; I too wondered�where you have been. I too am alone now, I am leaving the mountain and heading south in a few days. {{Hugs}} Sandyz

from paintedgray :

i really enjoy reading your ideas and the peculiar situation you seem to be in. i long to be in love. i long for that attention. allthough it is trying, always be grateful that there are those out there who long for you. you are lucky enough to have two.

from whitespine :

jiltedsoul, visit me. je suis alive, here, in blood.

from sweetresent :

Oh God... I feel you about the falling in love with the people who just mess you up or don't care. Well actually the one I loved fell into both of those catagories. But I let him fuck me up, so ya know? What can you do? I think I've gotten myself back on track. I'm simply lonely now, and not hurting. It's getting better. Thank God. It will for you too.

from herdarlinsin :

Dear heart, you can't give up.

from fightn4life :

It might not feel like it but life is awesome, its in distress we often learn our most important lessons in life. During a time we lost a young grandchild I wanted nothing less than to pass on. Something deep within me kept me from making a choice that is not mine to make. I didn�t fully understand the impact a decisive death could cause (the ripple effect) until my husbands daughter took her life. Those around her family and friends are forever scarred from guilt that does not belong to them. Never give up your gift of life, there is reason for the darkness but you must be here for it to be reveled to you someday. My prayers and heart is with you. Sandyz

from herdarlinsin :

To whom has your heart fell unto this round dearest?

from neverbeme :

Thank you!!! I wasn't sure anyone would find me, guess those banners work? Anyways I will read your diary soon and add you if that's okay? It's not much yet my page but I have a feeling it'll be my new place to lash out.

from neshachan :

C'est l'amour, I'm afraid... that's just the way it is for you and everyone, in this case, you're not alone.

from sheo :

Falling in love with the ones you can't have? I think almost everyone knows that feeling... well at least i do. I'm glad you finally wrote again :)

from tarkis :

an Indian blessing I give to yu this new years eve: May the long time sun shine upon you, all love surround you and the pure light within you guide you on your way this new year and this new day.

from vladica :

if i didnt believe, well... i wouldnt be here at all. of course i'm here, and i'm flattered that you find comfort in such a miniscule person like myself. thank you. my arms are cold but always open..

from herdarlinsin :

Has the distance between you and brother been because of other circumtances, or just because of the moving on with your lives? If you feel like looking for him, I say you should. Just because.

from vladica :

tears and booze...i guess its time for the holidays again, eh? i've madea a return for the sake of reading your sweetly macabre words. :)

from suta :

Hey sweet, how are you doing?

from spazs :

I always leave the diaries up who don�t update, cause I�m just slow with cleaning up. I just don�t wanna miss anything, in case they do update. I�m curious. But not like sad or anything. I�m just curious. That�s why I read the diaries and keep the non updating ones, cause there MIGHT come something interesting for me. Maybe I could lose them. But, who knows!

from herdarlinsin :

ATTENTION!!! ALIENS ARE COMING TO ABDUCT ALL GOOD LOOKING, SEXY PEOPLE. YOU ARE SAFE. I'M JUST MESSAGING YOU TO SAY GOOD-BYE.

from jackthripper :

'tis my pleasure, beloved.

from sheo :

O.O i read that dream with my breath kept in whooow... life and especially love can be hard, but hold on to it.

from fightn4life :

That was one of the most captivating writings I have read. A dream? How strange, it seems there should be some kind of message or symbolic answer to it. My thoughts are, what an awesome book that would be. Hope you do have a Wonderful Thanksgiving. Sandyz

from herdarlinsin :

My heart spills out for you. I too often wonder if those from the past linger where I was once a part of their present. You dream as well, is very troublesome. Do you think there is any significant meaning to it. I used to have dreams about Leticia and Sheri.. a lot of dreams I recall ofhow we would lose our friendships. Its stunning how dreams hold so much truth in them, when we rarely give them any recognition. I used to have a lot of dreams about Tammy leaving me. I should have paid closer attention... God I miss her. I wonder if her 1 day rebound will work out, or if she will come back to me.. I'm always going to be hopeful. I love her so much. More than I ever loved Leticia, and that's almost too amazing to hear me say myself. I hope you're doing well.

from vladica :

a life alone?...ive had this diary since i was very young, and i think it shows. my earlier entries were happy, optimistic, and stupid. but thats what innnocence is right? the cloud of unknowing. then i grew up, the cloud of unknowing became the smoke of various drugs ive indulged to numb and lessen the speed of pain. a life alone. there are people, yes, but they aren't really there. people. are they lonely like me? a life alone. it makes me stop and think, and listen to the howl within my soul- i am an endless pit, starving to be filled with something.

from herdarlinsin :

Soul searching is always going to be there. It's what we do, everyday. I remember everything we've ever talked about. Although you may always be hiding behind that mask, you still give amazing well-grounded advice. Maybe that's your job bred into you, I don't know. but, you're never alone. No matter how far I've grown, I'm always here. That's what friends do. They wait. Then when you tap them on the shoulder, they're there for you. That's me. And that's what I do. ♥

from vladica :

the barrier persists, then.

from alifewithin :

Good luck. I wish I had some advice, but I don't know what to say. Everything will work out as it should. Just... trust in that.

from herdarlinsin :

Aww. Well, you're most welcome. How are you this evening?

from herdarlinsin :

Damned typos. Bleh. If you ignore the typos, what I said makes sense, lol

from herdarlinsin :

It's not about how much of a friend you have been to, or for, me. Thinags in life I have realized don't narrow down to that. It's not the amount of what one gives or does, it is everything from teh beginning, in-between, after, above and below it all. Life is simply about ... life. It's about living and growing, loving and learning. I have come a great distance from where I was 3 years before now. In some ways I am still the same person, and in some ways I've changed. If I was anything like the person I used to be, I would have allowed myself to stay in PA just to make Sheri & L's life easier. I was paying their rent, I was cleaning house, cooking and so forth. Sheri worked 9 hours a day, while L didn't nothing. I didn't consume myself with the thought of how lazy I considered her to be. I just didn't think at all; only kept doing because it was what I so accustomed to. What's even worse it's what I had always been accustomed to because I allowed myself to become used to being used. Well, 3 months later I had enough, and I had told Sheri in many conversations that I wanted to come back home so I could be happy. Her response however was always the same - "You'll never be happy, Chrissy, no matter where you go." Well, I think she'd either be surprised or pissed off to know that I am very happy with my life and where I am. I miss my children very much, but that's not what my life is about. I rarely if ever ponder back on the past. I'm learning that the past isn't necessarily just the past, and it doesn't just teach us how to form our future. Our future is our past, too. L says our past is the greatest predictor of our future. I disagree. Anyway, I want to thank you for your reply. It was totally unexpected; but very appreciated. And of course, I will never forget what I am better of. I can't forget. Every new day is a new beginning, and a reminder, as well as another page turned. You taught me well. I think you should know that. Thank you for just being my friend. Nothing else matters. Really. I hope you're doing well. I miss you. Much love. Always.

from herdarlinsin :

Would you believe me if I told you that Leticia and I aren't friends anymore because her grilfriend has brainwashed her into believing I walked away from her? It is so hard to imagine me finding myself here, after all I gave to both of them, to hold their relationship together, to be called a coward 2 years later, and have the one really close friend I ever had walk away because I left to come home and live my life. Its so retarded and I can't stand the stupidity of it all. And still underneath all of the pain it continues to grieve upon me, I still vow to love her everyday. Only more and never the less. I just hope that she realizes before her strength for life runs out on her, she sees how she made a grave mistake and finds the courage inside of herself to find her own way.

from beautigirl :

Glad to read that you�re back. Guys who tell it like it is are hard to find but are you sure you want to give up what you already have? You are lucky to have someone who truly loves you, but if you are miserable, you are right. It is best to get out of that situation. Happiness is a hard thing to find sometimes. Good luck in what you do.

from herdarlinsin :

I can assumedly say that i know how you got to where you are, but that wouldnt be fair to say at all. You know that you can always talk to me through an e-mail. I'm always close by.

from fightn4life :

Lord do I understand the conflicting feelings about happiness I long for and not wanting to hurt one that stands at my side. He has been here for over 16 years, I feel so guilty I long to set flight and move on. My heart is with you knowing we have tough choices and pray yours is a good one. One that will find you happiness in your tomorrows. Sandyz

from tarkis :

I am glad you are happy and content.. the future then should take care of itself.

from herdarlinsin :

You shouldn't think so much. Just go with what your heart tells. You will always find yoru answers there.

from fightn4life :

It is so good to see your post�I come and go when the need to write strikes me. It seems I spend more time reading than writing; my mind is so cluttered now days. Hope all is well with you. Sandyz

from herdarlinsin :

Aww. Well Hello to you too :)

from herdarlinsin :

You should call me sometime lady. You can even block your number if you want to. 920-544-5063.. write it down yo. Miss you by the way :)

from fightn4life :

An intriguing entry, I was mystified by the wonders in my mind of what is going on. I will not pry though each of us have our right to our very private lives if we so choose. My prayers and thoughts are with you thinking of you slipping out into the night, hiding and waiting for some one you love to help you find the way. Sandyz

from luvfootie :

Glad that you've written again, I hope things work out for you and her. Best wishes.

from fearanon :

If you like nuts...

from sweetresent :

I love that your back! I have been wondering what happened to you and hoped that you would update. Welcome back!

from fearanon :

It'll always be you.

from candoor :

wow, sounds wonderful... I'd try not to personalize her secrecy when she's considering her career... love is patience... if she focuses on you when you are with her, that's what matters most... it's tough to keep a secret... but it's tougher to find a true friend lover... treasure what you've got (it's so way better than the lonelies :)

from fightn4life :

I often miss your entries; I was thrilled you have returned I hope for good. Love has no boundaries; thank God you again can feel the joy of sharing your life with another. I pray at some time your love can become an open relationship until then enjoy your new opportunity to feel again. Life is short embrace every moment. Sandyz

from herdarlinsin :

Hey hon. I apologize for the last note I sent to you. I hope I didn't offend you.

from herdarlinsin :

What am I really feeling? I'm scared to move and be on my own, really on my own. I think I might go crazy with the silence that will ne surrounding me. But, yes, you're right, my entries still remain cryptic, all for good reason though

from steelcollar :

Glad to know you're back and well. I wish you all the best with your relationship.

from vladica :

jilted soul...:)

from suta :

Hey kid. You missed me? O.O Why that? Ah well, I read your last entry and I can perfectly imagine how you feel. I guess we both changed really a lot since the last time we talked. Love is a difficult thing, right?

from herdarlinsin :

SAM! I have missed you so much. I have wondered how you have been. I think I've sent you some rather looney e-mails in-between your absence. Please, tell me how you've been. Updates babe, updates. Leticia and I don't speak anymore. And her and Sheri are going strong. I'd honestly have to say that I'm impressed. I have mnissed you so much, yet I barely know you at all. I guess it's just the missing of the closeness we shared before you left. we just clicked... Please, send me an e-mail ok?

from crazyblueyes :

so i've been a little MIA from dland because of work and other things. but i used to read your diary regularly, but when i went in today to read some i noticed there was a lock on it. so i didn't want to make myself look like an ass and ask for a way to get in because i don't know you that well. but i'd like to keep reading if there is a way to... and i promise to comment more.

from suta :

Hey...it's been a while... since when are you locked?

from sweetresent :

I would love the password if you're giving it out. My e-mail is [email protected], to make it easy. I hope to read your words again soon. Take care.

from vladica :

jiltedsoul; upon my first stumbling into your diary, i read in silence words you've torn out of my very soul. silent, i sat in shadows, afraid to speak to this, this one who i want to listen to- words spoken across a void, i never knew one like myself who has pained greatly, could ever find someone such as you. with words so utterly painful, harsh truth, sad and loving. please, let me enter your diary again and let my eyes feed on those words youve torn from my burning.soul.

from pfirsich :

HeyyyyyyyyycanIhave a password....poutpoutpout

from suta :

How are you doing?

from summersands :

.. glad to see you back my friend.

from paintedgray :

just saying hi. thats awesome what youre doing to help others. you should be really proud of yourself.

from steelcollar :

I'm glad to see you've not disappeared. I thought you were gone when you went locked. Beautiful song, by the way- what is it?

from herdarlinsin :

Hey sweetness. I'm so proud of you for doing what you're doing to help others. Your calling has beenw aiting for you, and now you've found it. Do everything that you can, whether you feel you arent doing enough, in your heart and soul, the people living inside of that devestating destruction see you giving more than you'll know. Stay well and safe. I will be thinking about you. Prayers to you, your gf, and everyone else there. Love, C

from tarkis :

thank you for being one of those that help. thank you so much.

from herdarlinsin :

finjamartens you need to get a grip on reality. You're starting to worry me. Anyway, I miss you S. *hugs*

from finjamartens :

Oh my God,somehow I treasure this here so much,I was so psyched that there was another entry. And it�s also very beautiful! Somehow this diary seems so precious to me,you know,like when a sick person recovers-or something. So I was like:another entry,what,no!!YEah!

from suta :

Hi. Didn't talk to you for so long now. I've been wondering how you're doing. Love, Luc.

from fightn4life :

I am so thrilled for you. Hope inspires Love. Through your tears I could always feel the hope. Glad to see you back, you have been missed. Sandyz

from herdarlinsin :

I'm so very happy for you. I truly wish you both all the best of good things to come. You have waited long enough, it's your turn to experience a wonderful new happy feeling. I still miss you tho :)

from beckers-j :

Congrats on meeting someone special. :)

from jiltedsoul :

FINJ, for the LAST time, I don't KNOW you, and you don't KNOW me. Whoever is telling you they write at my journal, they are lying. I have NO CLUE who the fuck you are, so stop talking to me and writing about me as if we're together. GO AWAY.

from finjamartens :

Oh,UNBELIEVABLE! I was just scrolling down the diaries-listing,the bookmarks. And I was at the point where I thought,you know,maybe it�s useless hoping after all,you know,I thought it�s not gonna be opened again. So,it�s so weird(I also don�t know why I�m so sentimantal about this),but just when I�m kind of convinced it makes no sense trying-it�s opened again,weird!

from tarkis :

I am sooo happy for you.

from finjamartens :

Hey,I MISS your damn diary everyday,I try to open it everyday!! It was so stylish!!!!!!!!!! Feel free to give me a password:[email protected]

from raven72d :

I hope you'll let me have a password.

from herdarlinsin :

I miss you woman.

from missy-17 :

hey can you give me your password, [email protected]

from finjamartens :

Das kotzt mich irgendwie an,dass Du weg bist!Arschloch. Wichser.

from lifeasme66 :

I'm sorry to hear you're leaving... and that you're locked now, so I can't even go read back on your words. Could I ask for your password or have you closed up shop for good? Best of luck to you **HUGS!!**

from sweetresent :

You put a password on your diary!!! Can I have it? Um.. my e-mail is [email protected] if the answer's yes. Take care.

from rosewind :

I just found out that you are leaving us and I'm sorry you have to go. But if you want to find out just how true your words are to my feelings just take a look at my last two entries. You know, If you want to. Later!<P><P><P><P>~*~ N ~*~

from triggered :

I can't pretend to be a regular of your entries. I found it particularly interesting in your final post how you described those who do frequent your journal. It will never be known who falls where in the categories offered. What I do know, or rather...what I do believe...is that our diaries and this service, Diaryland...they're here to be our havens. Shelter for thoughts tormented and relieving. You didn't find that here so it is probably best you move on. You don't want words of sympathy or encouragement and that's fine. Your choice. As it is my choice to hope you'll find a spark of happiness along the way and surface from the darkness that binds you. I'll pray for you tonight. Be easy, stranger.

from quietdespair :

Bye, I'll miss reading your diary. Your words were beautiful.

from gazrip :

Without wanting to sound contrite, it is a shame if you will no longer be posting. Some part of me hoped that if I kept reading, I would see you turn a corner. I don't pretend to have been where you are, but I have known depression, I have been suicidal, and only my own cawardice has kept me from taking my own life many times before. I hope you find peace.

from reywestland :

Merci et bon voyage

from sweetresent :

Forgive the many typos.. it's WAY too early in the morning and I still haven't slept.. if you want to contact me, my e-mail and AIM name are in my profile. Feel free to use either one.

from sweetresent :

Your diary helped me feel understood.. at a time when everyone was telling me to "just let it go, move on with your life, you'll find someone else".. or tried to distract me with stupid nonsense "partying" or other prospects, instead of letting me take some time and let myself heal feel the hurt and upset and the pain and the hope.. I didn't feel like pretending, I'm not good at it. I understood your words of heartache. I felt them. That's why my only comment of your diary is "Wow", it's amazing that you caught the emotion so well in words. My diary was meant to be a place for me to go and be free.. but when I stopped trying to find solace in it, and used it to capture little moments in my life.. It has not yet proved to be a catharsis for me. More a learning tool... something to use to reflect on where I've been and if I've changed.. or if I'm still the same. I understand your reasons for leaving.. it's time to put it behind you. But I will regret never reading another entry by you. Thank you for all you've given me.. that bit of understanding. You have a gift, I hope one day you'll help others around you who are going through what you went through and have moved past it. Take care of yourself. God bless... Who knows? Maybe someday you'll decide to update and I'll hear from you again. I truly hope so.

from younameit :

I have been tempted to quit many times myself; but there are so many nice people in my favorites list that I have not been able to bring myself to do it. If nothing else, maybe you can just update once every week or two (at the very least!). There is no need to quit entirely. � As for your dilemma with the "other person," you might want to read my "Soul Mate" entries (if you haven't already). I know it will bring little consolation, but at least it will let you know that you are not alone and that the pain finally does go away.

from hellraising :

Don't do it. You are worth so much more than you think. Please don't give up. There's always hope in every situation, even though we don't feel that way all the time. Maybe you could try talking to someone? Please do take good care of yourself.

from alifewithin :

I am fairly disappointed that you're leaving so early. Your writing was so beautiful, so powerful, and I'm sad to see you go. Good luck, my dear. I wish you well.

from finjamartens :

Oh,I just thought it was beautiful,I just love brooding,you know,I just think that�s stylish,so that�s where I�m coming from. I saw it more as an artwork,rather than realistic.

from herdarlinsin :

Im not surpirsed about you final closure of this place. I knew it was coming, just didn't know when. I will miss you greatly. You are never too far away from my thoughts. Please keep safe in whatever ventures you find yourself in. Keep in touch with me if you like. All my love to you, always. C

from tarkis :

I am sad you are feeling his way.. you won't be forgotten.

from marinka-mp :

Im sad that you are leaving us. In the end you have to do what feels right for you. If you ever need anything feel free to email me or contact me. Take care Marine

from summersands :

:: wishing you well ::

from finjamartens :

Liked that part at the end by the way:Resistance is futile. Embrace the end,... It looks different to me as you mean it,I see,but,I,to me it looks like that picture,that we are now standing before one another,that�s the resistance part and then later,as next step comes the embrace,you know. Well. Just my own perception I guess. But still!

from finjamartens :

I�m not gonna reject you-the thing I always think,and that�s not your fault either,it�s just me-I�m always like:yeah,why is he gonna need YOU. I figure we�re both fools-but,well,we�re gonna work throught it,don�t worry,I think it�s meant to be,come on,don�t drown. I see you like me-and I like you-it�s gotta work out one way or another. I�m all confident!!! Don�t worry! It�s gonna work out for sure!! Although we have both minor insecurities or whatever,don�t worry-I know I won�t allow you to leave for sure.

from jackthripper :

It has been too long since last we chatted. We should fix that. I miss your charm, love.

from fearanon :

If my words don't express how I feel, my body will. Come visit me again.

from herdarlinsin :

As though it may come across as meaningless words I would notice your sudden disappearance. I wonder tho,if I were to suddenly disappear, would you notice or care?

from finjamartens :

Hey,I still think you�re HOT!!! You also sound like you�re mad at something-I like that.

from beckers-j :

Hey, thanks for adding me to your buddies! I'll be sure to check out your diary when I get a chance! :)

from suta :

Hey *hugs* how are you? I am just back from england...london actually... didn't follow your writings for a little while.

from moonsphinx :

Sorry about the loss of your friend.

from tarkis :

I am glad you are back. I missed you.

from lifeasme66 :

Just wanted to say thank you for visiting and adding me as a favorite. Your diary is hauntingly beautiful... I'm very impressed. I'll definitely be back to read more, I hope you'll update often. And I hope you find the peace that you seek **HUGS!!**

from candyapple3 :

Hi, i read your diaries. i think the way you write is amazing. i understand what your going through, and reading your diary is like living in a story or somthing. i've noticed you havnt updated in a week...i hope your ok, just wanted to check. BYE

from fearanon :

Your heart will always remain there; what I offer is a distraction. You came to me once, do so again. You know my position.

from fearanon :

Remember what I have said. Then return to me.

from bluperspex :

and they'll never know... the pain they cause, the tears, the heartache. to know these things... one needs a soul.

from mellaranjuez :

Your last entries are so..not happy. I am not that fond of depressive writing and such, because in most cases it turns out to be bullshit. But somehow, i like what you write.

from herdarlinsin :

I wanted to wish you a Happy 4th, then as I read everything in diary all over again, I feel myself trying not to worry about you, and wonder whats in your private words. I shall never know, for it's a place for yourself only . A place I understand greatly. I just, I want you to be happy, genuinely happy Miss.I haven't heard from you in a month, perhaps of my faults and locking myself away from people. I'm not really quiet sure what to do with myself these days. If you want the password, let me know ok? I miss you very much *hugs*

from publicsecret :

And yet, existance eventually becomes nothingness. Thank you for your concern. I really appreciate it.

from gazrip :

Even as someone who knows too little to judge you by, I can't help but be concerned for your welfare. At least, that is, the welfare of the persona you project in your postings. I am, though, forever intrigued by them. But it would be nice if you had something positive to share once in a while.

from marinka-mp :

I feel your pain. You have no idea how i feel your pain. Im sorry you feel that way

from fearanon :

I offer you a window into my soul. You will find we are kindred.

from finjamartens :

Hey,there is noone but you. I only like you! I haven�t been talking to anyone. Sorry,for the mess,I hope things will clear up soon. I really need YOU. I hope I can clear this up soon! I will try in my diary. I have proof that I have ever only liked you,that I just like you. I have proof for that. Take my word on it,too,you know,you stress me with being nervous-well,ok,maybe it�s good for something. But I really have proof and know for sure that I like you only. That you are the first one I like,the only one. That is special. OK,ok,I�m gonna talk about it more in my diary. But I like you only,andI also know this for sure.I have proof,I will explain that.

from herdarlinsin :

Its been a long time since I have been able to talk to you miss. I guess sometimes things aren't as easy as we would like them to be eh? I miss you, and when I read your words I miss you more. I hope that you're not fading too far away. If you need someone to vent to Im as close as I can be. You can send me an e-mail (?) I miss you, very much. I hope to hear from you soon, when you have time of course :) Hugs and all that squishy shit

from jiltedsoul :

Finj-in case you haven't realized it yet, you have the wrong person. This isn't who you think it is. Now run along and play in traffic.

from reywestland :

If you're still here to read this, don't read this as an, 'I told you so', but you can never escape from everything. But you don't have to. Just escape from enough and be content with that. It's warmer in the igloo, and that'll melt with everything else come summer. Take satisfaction in the little victories. And don't despair when they're undone, because regrowth is always by inches and you can't know how tall you were before anyway. Wishing you luck...

from finjamartens :

Who,me? Yes,yes,I know. Spout away! (Emotionally.)

from fightn4life :

I once was right where you are right now. You will heal, futile as it sounds today, life will again pick you up within its embrace and the sun will shine. For all that you are going through today will help mold you to be who you will become tomorrow. An understanding heart isn't too high of a price to pay. Trust this voice of experience. Many thoughts and prayers for you today. Sandyz

from inacrumbling :

was there about 4 1/2 weeks ago ... and it will continue to hit you at odd times for a very long time.

from banefulvenus :

Your banner was great and your site is damn amazing!!!

from summersands :

.. if I lived by you my friend, I'd try to be by your side just be there as a friend for you (I've felt I've needed it along the way myself). I'm going through alot of the same emotions as you are .. I'm still having trouble finding the answers.

from herdarlinsin :

I will email you as soon as I possibly can ok? I miss you Hon. Aloters :P Heh, trying to be cute doesnt make me so cute, but oh well. I miss you. Message me soon ok? All my love to you *muah*

from reywestland :

Whew. Scary moment there. Your diary half-loaded with the music and the image, and nothing else. Got me thinking you were making a statement. Hooray for reload!

from summersands :

.. its easy to get caught up in that music, I sure did.

from freaknuraw :

I love your words, and despite what you have said I will continue to read every single one. You are not nothing, I may not know you at all... but I don't I can't think for one moment that you are nothing. I know what it feels like... I have been there so many times before. Please be strong. You have your whole life ahead of you. Sincerely, Jori

from iambucket :

Too bad, so sad, as I will be returning and reading your words despite your plea for us to not return to your page. And yes, your words are important, as are you. Someday you will see this.

from steelcollar :

You're right- everyone *does* deserve that entry.

from summersands :

.. your words aren't shit and do mean something to others .. only problem is those right people aren't listening and should (its there loss) .. your soul may feel jilted but you have a wonderful heart my friend.

from finjamartens :

Well,all I can say is that I love love love that,who your entries are lying on me. Uh.You know,I love the contact with you-and nothing you wrote really bothered me or felt bad,nothing felt bad,no,it felt great,I love that so much.Your entry-blankets,you know? I personally think that what you write is not shocking at all,pff,sounds like normal normal young person feelings to me. You sound normal to me. It sounds even harmless to me. I LIKE fucked up,messed up,you know. But you sound quite harmless,like:I could take more!! Really,don�t worry,I love that stuff.

from theboardwalk :

... you sure can and thanks. My Father's Day has been a good one so far.

from luciangrey :

...This broken and elapsed love in which you speak of Miss... Tell me more. What breaks your heart so? This agony you elude to. I am never far, even if often quiet.

from luminence- :

So, you add people that add you? Wow, you're the second person that has put me on friend list. Oh well. I still have no relevance.

from iambucket :

Find a way to at least let him know you do still care and love him...regardless if ya think it'll help or not. In the end, it does help, as I'm sure you can agree with on some level.

from hellraising :

I feel your pain..

from finjamartens :

Hi! Somehow that turns me on what you are writing. Is that wrong? I don�t think you need to worry. On the assistance thing-I understand,but it can also be that someone WANTS to assist you and tell you what to do-and you would be giving big joy and fun to them,to let you direct you. You know? It won�t be asking you for help,it will be somebody else WANTING,you know,even lusting to teach you. Talking of myself here. On the other thing,that you have a happy side of your face and a bitter side,you know,sunny weather and rainy weather....hm,I think that�s normal,too. Think of a little girl,you know,she asks her father for something,first she is all friendly and tries to wrap him around her finger,and then she gets mad if that don�t work.... I think that is your two gamefaces...behind both of them is the same good and trustworthy and fair person. I don�t think that you would ever ask other people for stuff they don�t have,you know? I think you got a higher sensitivity. You know what I mean? You may starve for things,but I know you won�t ask them of someone who is starving themselves,you know? I�m 100% positive that you will with intuition or something,will pick someone out who has plenty of that thing,that oyu need-andalso wants to get rid of it,you know? For example:you want a lot of hugs,and I have the biggest joy in giving them-that kind of thing. You want a lot of hugs,and I want to touch your body. You know,so we would be both taking. For example.

from summersands :

.. sometimes this side of me kicks my ass. And now, I seem to be running out of ass. How poetic, right .. I've been running to keep myself busy .. its been going alright. I've made it a daily routine now, so I'm not sure if I can label it quite a diversion anymore ... man what games we play with ourselves (and or minds), within ourselves. I'm probably making much much sense to you .. well, I hope you get to where you want to be .. I'm not sure what I want anymore. Take care my friend.

from gazrip :

My, you do attract a lot of comments. Perhaps you should be a little more honest with yourself? I'm referring of course to your somewhat modest reply to my earlier comment. You have a great combination at your fingertips. An excellent diction, and a reservoir of strong feeling. An ideal platform for writing quality fiction, which in itself is magnificently therapeutic. You don't have to reply, and you certainly don't need to bother denying to me that you have a talent. Just give it some thought.

from herdarlinsin :

I miss you. I hope things that youre embracing arent all so dark. Ps. This is probably the last day you'll see me online for a while. (long story) I will be in big shit if I get caught. All my love to you. *muah*

from publicsecret :

"I need no one," a statement I'm slowly comprehending one step at a time. I see you beat me to it. And yes dear, I understand. More than you think.

from tarkis :

we all wear masks at different times and for different reasons.. for many it is only a charade for others.. it is a reality. I understand the split... neither normal or un-normal.. just the way for many life is. I named mine as I learned to gracefully slide between the ether of lifetimes. Understanding and acceptance will always pull you through. You are often in my thoughts. faceless as you are to me..yet.. I feel I know you well.. and just possibly I do... at least in another life experience.

from iambucket :

Wish I'd found ya earlier, as you literally write my thought and feelings to a T, up to a few months ago when I found myself in that darkness again. Now, thankfully, I can talk about exactly what you write about, and do NOT want the darkness anymore to overtake me. Wonderful writings...I will definitely be back. Thank you for your candor and honesty.

from jiltedsoul :

A reprint, to make things clear here: Yes I see your name, and your ways, and although I'm sure your intentions are good, there is no God or equivelant in my future. I seek no answers to the escape from the darkness, I embrace it. The fact that you believe I need some sort of 'saving' proves to me you misunderstand my words. Offer appreciated, but not wanted or needed. I take my leave of you now, and I wish you would do the same.

from scythespoken :

clarity....realization, wonderful things, whether acknowledged in retrospect or in the moment of enlightenment...use the candle of which you spoke, to light the way to change...if you dont use it, of course it will dwindle, of course it will die...as with all gifts, talents, and resources....so get up....use the light....dont let it sit there and burn to nothingness....and leave you in the same darkness to which you are accustomed, to which you are familiar....im sure you are familiar with the expression "carpe' diem", or "sieze the day"....light is meant to be used to see the beauty of everything around us, and the ugliness that also resides, light that is to be used while it is shown....it is not a thing to be wasted, to be hesitant with....because no light on this earth is unextiguishable....one cannot tryly appreciate the light without having gone through the darkness....there is more to you than the darkness in which you cling....so much beauty, so much untapped potential....so much to give. Please...give your light a chance to shine....not within the confines of your dark thoughts, you must take that light to where it can either thrive or you come to a place where that candle is no longer needed.....you are not selfish for wanting to be loved, to be appreciated, you are a finite creature, you do not have an endless reservoir of love and healing to draw from.....there is no weakness in wanting to be poured into, there is no weakness in craving the love we all innately need...you are only selfish in the aspect of keeping yourself hidden....who can love you with you so submerged, who can reach you....do not keep the treasure chest kept locked buried at the bottom of the ocean....bring it past the surface so all can benefit from the beauty, radiance, and riches it contains. I would like to show you something....if youd like to see, you see my name, you know what to do.....thank you for reading my words.

from nowheregirl- :

Love the song on your diary, and the image is beautiful. Whats the song? Sounds kind of like Nine Inch Nails and I like it. Well, drop me a line. Later.

from finjamartens :

You know how I always want you to be happy-but,just for your own sake. With ME it�s totally fine when you�re moody and aggressive and pissed off and stuff. I think that�s funny. I don�t like shallow people,you know,always happy like they�re on exstacy or something. No,no,don�t worry,I like sad and rainy weather inside. Of,of you,cause,I�m not like that,but you can be,I really think that�s a nice balance. You can be aggressive or moody-that�s cool,that doesn�t bother me at all. You know,it doesn�t bring me down or something,no. I think it�s a big burden to be always happy! You know,that wears you out!! I really dread those people,who always keep that up,you know,those people in society,those super achievers. No,I�d rather have something real,you know,it�s relaxing when you are ALLOWED to be in a bad mood,without immediatly being labeled as depressive or whatever,you know? I think society does that,you know,they want you to be always happy and super functional and to shut up. They want that. So,uh,but,anyway,don�t worry,that won�t make me unhappy or something when you�re moody,it�s real when I say I�m having a good time. I really don�t mind agressive,I think it�s funny and energetic and all.

from indianinja :

I feel as though I have been shot by the manic depressive robot with the point of view gun from the Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy. I keep rolling around moaning "Whats the point? Whats the point?"

from forvrpraise :

you don't know me, but i just felt i had to comment. i know this won't mean much, coming from a total stranger - one who has never had to deal with the intense loneliness and pain you must deal with according to your entries. but i just wanted to say that i really like your style of writing. it's a shame that it has to be so negative. in fact, i don't think i've ever seen anybody write more articulately. i wish that i was able to express myself in the way you do. about your latest entry. you talked of how a candle only sheds the little bit of light around it - it cannot shine into the corners of the room. why does it need to? what is a candle's purpose? to help one see the step right in front of him. maybe i misunderstood you when you were talking about all that. but it seems to me that a candle does exactly what it's asked to do. turn on the proverbial big light if you want to see the corners instead of complaining of how you can't see. one more thing. so often we as humans forget that the world does not owe us anything. i am guilty of thinking it does myself. i become so selfish, thinking that people should realize everything is crashing down around me. i get disgusted that no one cares. you've gotta get out of that mindset. realize that if you start focusing on all the other hurting people out there, you could do so much. your problems will seem so small after that. try it! try helping someone else who is in need. let them vent about their life, or go find a way to help in your community. honestly. it gives you a sense of fulfillment like no other. ok. i'm really done preaching. i didn't mean it to come across like that. i just want you to feel better! i want you to truly smile, and not for anybody else. i'll pray for you, oh anonymous person. :) God bless you.

from herdarlinsin :

As oddly as it may sound to you, I would wait to see everything in you, even behind "The lie" you speak of, because I want to know the real you and nothing more. I'd wait, and then some. Because I'm not like everyone else. Maybe some day. By the way, I miss you. A lot

from reywestland :

I only just realised how black your diary was. I don't know from what self your entry came, but it appeared to speak a lot of sense, and very well. Where is the inner light that stops us being alone in the universe? I'd say denial, but only because I'm in a cynical mood.

from publicsecret :

Master of disguises? Ever thought about becoming a superheroine or a secret agent?

from true-diamond :

jilted I recently found your diary and I must say I'm very interestedin what you've typed about your life. can I add u to my buddy list? Diamond

from fightn4life :

Thank you so much for your comment in my Diary...it brought tears to my eyes. Thank you. Sandyz

from publicsecret :

I always ask myself, which is better: a life of utopia where nothing ever changes or chaos and destruction where nothing is ever what it seems. Call me crazy if you will, but only a fool would believe in the idea of utopia.

from f-i-n :

hihihihihi

from jackthripper :

Don't what, my dear?

from suta :

Your comment made me smile for a second... Your other died? I hope you are doing well. I didn't talk to you for a while...so I wonder how were you doing,kid?

from g-o-t-h-i-c :

Great! I have added you. By the way that's awesome that have music on your diary. Where did you get it??? Well, I must go now.

from herdarlinsin :

Are you around on Yahoo anywhere?

from publicsecret :

I'm going to be honest with you. I don't think that was a smart choice of action: to depend on someone. I did that with my ex and I fell through the same void you're falling in now. After much thinking, and many sleepless nights with undried eyes, I came to this conclusion: I am alone. I can not depend on others. I can not even depend on my own family. I am alone. I was before and I am now. Whether I will be alone in the future does not hold any importance to me. The future isn't here. The present is. And currently the present is: I'm alone. I grew accustom to this idea. I used to push the idea away because I loathe it. Now I embrace it. However, I'm embracing it with courage. Yes, I am alone but I'm actually happy with it. I never was happy with myself before and I sought acceptance from others. After having breaking up with my ex, the whole ordeal taught me that I'm stronger than this. Not only do I like myself, but I know I can depend on myself, something I never did before. I don't know if any of what I said made sense or if my advice could really work. I know you can pull through this. You will Sam. I know you will. As always, please do take care. Someone has to around here. :P *Gives you a hug of confidence and a hard slap on your cute, firm butt for luck* ;)

from herdarlinsin :

If there was only some way to ease your pain, I would. And I believe even if there were, you wouldn't allow it. Perhaps your mind likes the feeling of the acheing because you remember everything and your heart won't ever let you forget. But even still beneath it all, I truly believe in you and I know that you're a beautiful soul.

from whaddavew :

Pain is so beautiful, isn't it? Sharp and cutting like thorns on a rose yet something deep inside whispers on our souls and it feels right. You must be an old soul to be so brave to open yourself to experience so much in this lifetime. My prayers are with you that you transform that pain into exactly what you need here and in the next. Your words touched me....thank you.

from rosewind :

Hey, I just found your diary by following your banner and I believe that you just wrote what's been acking in my heart for so many years. It's like you know me and know my every thought. It was like I was reading my own mind written upon a screen. Wow, I mean, WOW!

from g-o-t-h-i-c :

Hello. I was just surfing the web when I came across your diary and I must say I like it a lot. and I was also wondering if it would be all right if I add you to my list of favorite's? Well, it would be awesome if you could message me back. --Franky

from moonsphinx :

Aw, thanks for the props in the other area.

from gazrip :

Some very strong entries. You have a wonderful vocabulary, and use it well. If you don't already write with a view to publishing, you should consider it.

from summersands :

.. hello my friend, I just wanted you to know I've been reading you still .. I know from reading your entries you're not asking for responses .. and you aren't writing for anyone ... its just a way to getting shit out .. I kind of do the same thing ..

from quietdespair :

I like your diary...cool pictures. Your writing is also very poetic & almost like something you'd read in an old asylum log book or something...don't take offense I meant that as a compliment.

from herdarlinsin :

get on.. my lap ? *giggles*

from herdarlinsin :

*sigh* I can't say that I don't know where you're coming from, I do. To be able to underdstand one's state of mind, only one can do that alone I guess. I miss you. Please leave me a note, or something.

from saladbowl :

You�re so sweet! I like you.

from spikeswife :

I like your philosophy and your diary

from raven72d :

Don't close off to everyone

from herdarlinsin :

closed off or open, you'll always be open enough for me to love you :)

from tarkis :

I understand where you are having been there many times and think it is a necessary place.. a place of spiritual containment before something can once again touch your dreams. I will send you energy... most positive.

from saladbowl :

Awhawhawhaw! We all care,you know!

from herdarlinsin :

I care. I will always care.

from herdarlinsin :

You can call me you know ;)

from eternalbeing :

Just someone who came across your diary and found it interesting.

from summersands :

.. "I want to be appreciated. To be valued. I don't want to be taken for granted, or used and tossed aside." ... I've felt this way on so many occasions, I really get what you are saying to .. I feel this way often. I found some comfort your words today. Thank you for being so giving in the way you express yourself.

from crazyblueyes :

on rare occassions in my journeys through cyberspace i come across a diary that i can identify with, something they say speaks to me... but on serveral occasions i have found myself here at your diary and you have eliquently written the words i couldn't find myself... can you see through my eyes? because it feels that way... i know exactly the feelings you have spoken of

from moonsphinx :

Everyone is worthy of respect...if you don't give it, you don't get it.

from fightn4life :

You deserve the best. Unconditional is out there, some day it will find you. I love reading your diary. Sandyz

from jiltedsoul :

Odd that everyone directs me to places closer and closer to where I originally wanted to be.

from younameit :

Just a wild (and unrealistic?) thought: In a recent entry you mention the desire to escape to somewhere else. Might I suggest an isolated, yet first-rate, ivory tower on the plains? Follow this link: http://www.csc.edu/site/about/history.asp . CSC is a haven of acedemia surrounded (and isolated) by the vast and incredible beauty of the western prairie. I lived there once, and I will always miss it. You have an amazing gift for language, and you could concentrate on that gift to your heart's content in that location. All of your present unpleasant distractions would become a thing of the past. � I know this is a crazy thought, but I couldn't resist offering it anyway.

from apathyascend :

Interesting journal. Saw your banner. It was depressing and depressing things always lure me in. We have similar writing styles, which I guess is a nice thing, or not. I don't know. Although I hate fairies, I enjoyed your writing. ^_^

from lotabug :

Thank you so much for posting the link. ;) And your most recent entry was quite beautiful and hauntingly truthful...

from vladica :

"She had long ago learned the art of acquiring an unhealthy distance from any reality which could induce the invasion of vulnerability." i can deeply relate to that, disregard for reality.

from reywestland :

That was eloquent from start to finish. So good that I find myself almost divorced from the feelings and compelled to write a literary review. I liked the fibres of sleep best. But damn, it was all poetry. Cruel that the most acute sweetness is born of the most acute suffering.

from pukus :

you are depressing

from summersands :

.. that was quite a passage. I used to feel that way ... not all that long ago either ... I worry sometimes that I could, in a moments notice, fall right back there ... I have mixed feelings about those times, part of me wanted to experience it (and become it) and another part of me just wanted to lay in my bed forever not to be bothered. This part of me, is the part that is preventing me from ever being really truly happy ... hmmm. That seems to be love, life and the other stuff we go through.

from younameit :

Yours is the most valuable advertisement I have ever clicked on. I have just now written about you in my profile as follows, "When a thousand words aren't enough, one can only say, 'Oh, my God! Wow!'" If you only knew... � I just wish your beautiful poetic prose wasn't the result of such pain. Having been there myself, I know what you are feeling. Welcome to DiaryLand.

from lotabug :

I would appreciate it greatly if you would throw up a link. I will probably end up buying the cd, if/when I can find it, but until then, I would love to have a copy of it. Thanks so much. :)

from lotabug :

Hello, me again. I have to say that you express yourself wonderfully, even if the subject matter isn't always the most pleasant. I have been trying in vain to find "Weapon" somewhere that I can link to it and put on my page (on another website, not here). Would you please tell me where you found it? I've become quite fond of it in the short time since I've found your diary. :)

from sabrrrina :

I love your "It's All About Me" entry. You're great with words and expressing yourself!

from herdarlinsin :

Who knew that love had so many doors, and so many different meanings? I suppose that I didn't for a long time, but have come to learn of them. Good lessons taught by others that I have allowed. I miss you. And I adore how you are just you.

from nightxmusic :

I clicked on your banner and I think your diary has some beautiful words in it. You obviously have things you need to say and I like the way you express yourself. xxx

from summersands :

JS, my travels yesterday brought me to her doorstep .. what am I doing? Am I nuts?

from publicsecret :

You're right. It isn't wise to depend on others. Like yourself, I, too, thought my happiness should come from others. I found out later that that kind of happiness only last for a short while. True happiness comes from within you. If you're not happy with yourself, how can you expect others to be happy with you? On a side note, if you're planning on running away, stay away from San Jose. It's a real crummy place. But if you're in the neighborhood by chance, look me up. :P

from herdarlinsin :

*lowers my head* I have a million things I'd loev to say to you, but I can't think of a single beginning outlet to say them. It's almost like having a voice with no sound. I miss you, I miss talking to you and the way you made me laugh and smile so easily. It saddens me that you may shut yourself off to everyone. But then, do you find solace in your darkness? Somany questions you ask, and somany asnwers fail to come forth, and yet I sit back and watch you tumble back further and ruther into your shell. Please don't. Not everyone is the same and repeats the same cycle. Please, be safe, and be strong and I hope you find that fire inside of your faith that I know you have. You've just covered it over with hurt, pain and anger. I'm here if you need me, always. All my love to you angel. I miss you deeply.

from jrie1985 :

I agree to picking a city you like. Think of the characteristics of each city. I'm currently wanting to "run away" too. Seattle is sounding nicer and nicer each time I think of it... aside from the absurdly over-priced rent.

from raven72d :

Pick a city that you fancy... And what was the getting-arrested tory all about?

from lotabug :

Hi, I just saw you banner and came to have a looksee. I am so sorry to hear of this cycle you seem to be in. 1996 was like that for me, the entire year, several horrendous things after another. I wish you well and hope that you can get yourself outta this pattern. On another note, I love the layout of your diary and that song that's playing is amazing.

from raven72d :

Bad things come in waves, not just threes... But: stay alive. Leave wherever you are, go to a new city and a new life.

from publicsecret :

I like you. Actually I like your boobs. Hey, at least I'm honest here. ;)

from summersands :

This diary is your place, your own solitude, it can be hard sometimes understanding one's words, interpretations ... I wish you all the best in finding that peace in your heart. I'm working on it myself ... keep writing my friend.

from punkedupqt :

just wanted to say, i loooove the picture on ur template. its amazing. ♥+meredith

from moonsphinx :

Fuck "them." Write what you want.

from candoor :

I love to be haunted by memories, even when I am not in the mood to like it...

from finjamartens :

Hey! It�s funny,but everything LOOKS better to me now! The mermaid lady,well,it�s a normal lady I guess-now the ocean looks all glistening!!! Like,NOW I like the picture-when before I thought:hm,can�t relate to it,some womanish thing again... You know,if it�s the same picture,how can it turn?? How can it change,doesn�t that overstep the boundry of physics? OK,joking-but it is strange. Before the picture didn�t look as good to me. Now it looks great,all glistening,dark,cold,natury,what I like,you know!

from herdarlinsin :

Shit or not, to you your emotions are always what you feel them to be, but to another they could be music to the heart. Hang in there honey. *hugs*

from fightn4life :

There is too much beauty all around you to wish for closure now. I was once where you are now and I have no regret I begin to find solace within the glory of nature. May peace be with you, Sandyz

from publicsecret :

I wish these thoughts of yours would stop haunting you as they haunt me also. As always, please take care.

from jackthripper :

I have gone there before and each time I was stopped. How far will the scale plunge before it slips the other way? Think very carefully before you choose, my dear.

from herdarlinsin :

Are you okay love?? Im worried about you.

from ocd-and-me :

*hugs*

from pollyprince :

I've been asking myself alot of questions lately myself, check out my latest entry.

from coldandgray :

FIRE!

from fightn4life :

Fasinating entry, I am intrigued as your writing is very deep and powerful. I can see myself in years past right where you are now. Sandyz

from summer-gale :

I read you now and I think you peaked into the worst of my past, right into my brain. Some of What you write reminds me of the entries I wrote when my ex and I broke up. I still can't re-read them. Your style is very, very intense. Good luck with whatever you need luck with. I came in on your banner BTW. It works.

from alleytally :

wow you write amazing words. thank you for writing.

from suta :

Hmn okay...I just don't understand people who are very fond of me ^^

from raven72d :

I do hope to read more of you... And follow your unfolding story.

from publicsecret :

You have just made my night. I thank you. Please feel free to ask any favor from me. I only aim to please. ;)

from publicsecret :

I know exactly what you mean. Sometimes I just want to scream to people, "Fu*k off! I'm depressed! Deal with it!" Of course, me being the nice guy, I don't say that. It's sad really. Sorry for the ramble. I'll stop as soon as you prance naked in your home while I watch through the blinds. ;)

from brittbrat :

Wow. Your writing is amazing. It's true. Some things just are what they are and I'm glad that you are comfortable just being you.

from quietdragon :

Your writing is the best I have read so far. keep connected.

from morbidalily :

my dear jiltedsoul, you don't know the beauty of your own words...I enjoy your entries and I can't wait to read more. Morbidalily @>---

from raven72d :

Beautiful template image... And powerful, finely-wrought entries.

from candoor :

and I too find pieces of my past (never completely left behind) expressed in your words... you will be mentioned in an entry about this (one of the catch-up entries soon to be suddenly uploaded all at once, hopefully before the end of the next weekend)... I hope you find it... once, I sat in a closet and waited to die... another time, I sat on cold cement and waited to die... I was too numb even to care if I did or did not, so I took no action against myself (no feeling left at all, not even self-loathing or depression, just numbeness)... that was yesterday, though the weight of the experiences remain part of me always... today I just wander hoping someone might understand that damaged goods, that a broken, beaten, betrayed person with hideous inner scars might be somehow beautiful in someone's eyes, might still be understood and loved unconditionally like never before... I have many places to write and candoor is not where the depths come out, but candoor is where the mundane daily experience is recorded along with all the superficial games that make for an endless stream of diary entries that laugh at themselves and wonder how many, or if any actually notice the depth between the lines... to find the one who might understand it all, yes, that is why I write and publish dozens of diaries (most linked together, some not) waiting for, hoping for someone who will... see, feel, touch, heal, know... all this long note to say hello, welcome to my consciousness, and may you survive to share more of the dream you seek...

from steelcollar :

I read your words and it's like I'm reading my own. You are amazing. Thank you for what you write. I'm password protected, but will gladly give you access if you care to read.

from vladica :

jiltedsoul, thank you. it was great to hear from you, i never i thought i would, i've always been unheard.

from suta :

Really? Why?

from herdarlinsin :

You still manage to amaze me everytime I come here. All the times I can't say whats on my mimnd, I always find it here. Is there a place for solace to be found here in your world of written vocabulary? I wonder, but I don't ask questions. I just go with one day to the next, just trying to be me. I apologize for the things I have said in the past week. Maybe in a funky slump, I will never know, but most of that depression has lifted. I miss you lady.

from lady-frenzy :

Amusing� I�ve always considered the completely informal private world�s of my peers. My personal favorite is the daily conversation do-over, where you imagine how differently a verbal exchange could have gone.

from crazyblueyes :

I find myself think and wondering very similar things often. I would sit and watch people all day long, they fascinate me. I always to be inside of peoples heads, know what they see and think and what makes them think and do the things they do... i could talk about this forever but i just wanted to say that i liked your diary and that i was reading...

from vladica :

"..Often I am surround by several people, but none that I would consider a true friend.." yes,exactly. i know exactly what you mean. there is a barrier between us and them. glad i found your diary...

from dklwm :

I like your stuff really. Don't give up. Just a visitor who stumbled on some of your entries.

from fightn4life :

I could not believe your entry. I have wondered the exact same things as you. Does anyone ever really understand my dribble? Your words found a profound connection within me. I am so glad I followed your banner. Sandyz

from morticon :

I feel your pain, I really do. That blasted Arganothian Council has already denied my request to get my life back.

from ocd-and-me :

I followed your lead.

from jackthripper :

My dear, You know I would do anything I could to help you. That promise stands for all time. How can I help you, my dear?

from suta :

Don't worry kiddo. It's all right *patpat*

from herdarlinsin :

Nor do I. I'll just leave it at athat then I guess. I misinterpret a million and one things, almost daily it seems. I'm tired of being

from publicsecret :

Please don't be sorry. It's fine. I'm just glad you read it. I do really wish you would take care. Or else I might have to do it for you. ;)

from herdarlinsin :

Just wanted to say goodbye. I'm sorry. I really am. There's no need in my bringing you any more unwanted stress, not syaing that I think your life revolved around me, but silence says more than words ever could. I'm going to miss you, very much. Thank you for allowing me the time I knew you to be in your life, even if it was shortlived. You taught me a lot of things. I wish you all the very best to come. Always.

from herdarlinsin :

If I said anything out of place, or off handed the other day, I apologize. I'm not good with explaining myself, and I'm never good at explaining silence. Just please know that I'm truly sorry. After I left that stupid entry, I've done nothing more than think about what you said. Perhaps you're right about some things, but the "magical" part.. it's nothing. Just forget I even came here today. Forget you found me. I hope your days is as dark as your nights are. I suppose I'll speak to you soon, or not. I don't know. I miss you, but I don't know what I'm supposed to feel anymore. Good, or bad. *shrugs* I should go. I've preoccupied your time too much as it is.

from finjamartens :

I promise you that everything will be fine. I promise you,I�m giving you my words. I mean,that matters something,right? I won�t let you go. I have room for you. You don�t bother me,you can stay. Doesn�t matter. You�re kind of holy to me.Some kind of a priority. I promise you everything will be fine. I�m giving you my word, Kristin

from sinsear777 :

I can't speak to what you're going through as I don't know the details, but please accept my compliments on a simply beautiful layout.

from suta :

Beautiful layout. Really.

from herdarlinsin :

I need to speak to you. Maybe better if I just write you an email. I hide to easily in online conversation and avoid the things I want to talk about.

from jackthripper :

Please believe me, love. You wouldn't get lost. I hold a special eye out just for you.

from pollyprince :

I really enjoy reading you, not because of what you are going through but because of the honesty in your writing. I truly hope you find your way and find the happiness and that contentment in your life (we all long for it). You are such a nice person and deserve all the good things life can offer. I believe in you and believe you will get there, just keep plugging away and good things will come.

from irishdesigns :

Thank you for using one of my temps and thanks for telling me about the bad link. It's fixed now. Be strong and keep your head up high.

from publicsecret :

Now you know it takes two to tangle. Your partner has much to blame as much as you. In this case, I believe it was mostly your partner. Communication is the foundation of relationships. Without it, the whole thing falls apart. As always, you know where to find me if you would like to talk. Take care friend. :)

from herdarlinsin :

Youre not stupid, so you take that back.

from suta :

kay kiddo

from herdarlinsin :

Where's my hug back you wench :P I miss talking to you. I never miss an entry of yours, and you always leave me with new things to question and answers to ponder. I have been reading a book about Physical and Emotional Abuse. I came across a page that was so me, I literally laid it down and cried. Parts of it stem from the Fear of Rejection, which lead to isolation and pushing others away. I don't want to be the kind of person that keeps a fence around myself and locking others out, fearing that once they know me they won't like me. Why is it that people who fear rejection always reject themselves first? Is there anything you can tell me to help me a little in this area of understanding the few things that I don't when it comes to my manic behaviour? How can a book on Physical and Emotional Abuse bring me down so fast, and make me feel all of those spaces inside of me that I thought I had hid so well? I feel like such a user and bitch. I don't like feeling this way, but I understand the part of rejecting myself first so I won't be hurt by others. I guess that's what makes me go into full-tilt denial. That's where I freeze my feelings. I choose not to get in touch with my emotions and try to justify my behaviours. I understand the aftermath, the in-between, but I don't understand the how or why. Maybe you can help me a little here?? If you don't want to, I fully understand as I know you have much to handle on your shoulders already. I miss you greatly. I hope to hear from you soon m'lady. Love ya to pieces, C

from herdarlinsin :

Hey you :) Sorry I didnt get the opportunity to leave you a note or any messages yesterday. I was having a depressing day myself, and I didn't want to talk about it in a note to you and have you worry about me. I'm sure you are anyway, after that entry I left a few days ago. I'm just melancholy for something I just understand, and I hate feeling so alone. We'll bounce back though, strong beautfiul women always do. (Heh, I called myself beautiful, imagine that.) I miss you bunches. I wish there was more I could say to offer you a warm hand to hold onto when things are feeling so out of place, but all I have is words for now. But .. I was thinking the other night, if you ever wanted to call me here where I'm staying you can, only if you want to that is. No pressure, no strings. Just me being the friend I am. I'm a great shoulder to lean on, not totting my own horn, its just something I know about myself. Love you girlie. *muah and squishy hugs and stuff* C

from suta :

Beautiful template. I love it. And I love your diary. I add you okay?

from publicsecret :

By the way, I love your beautiful template. I know who is the artist too. She has quite a talent for templates.

from publicsecret :

*holds your hand* Just know you're never alone. I know exactly how you feel. Shoot, I'm still going through that feeling right now. The only thing I can offer is my companionship and the fact that you will get better. You will get better. I just know it. :)

from pollyprince :

I know the love you speak of, the love of someone who you believe to be your soulmate, a love that you can not have, it hurts I know. I still have days where I wonder. Mine started as a wonderful friendship, she was my anam cara (a Gaelic term for "Soul Friend") ..

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