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messages to lisse:
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from chasha :
Don't know if you're still here, but I'm back and letting my old peeps know. -CRbE
from f-i-n :
love your words
from glossypages :
Lisse, it's been 3 months and you know what? I still miss reading you. Even though your last update was about a stalker finding you. E-mail me your new place? Promise not to blab splendent@gmail.com And if you're still wondering if I'm trustworthy, I'm at http://sophers.livejournal.com :)
from crashintome :
hey! i've been reading you since the87loft. will you let me know where you went? sorayajk21@hotmail.com
from mplsgirl :
I miss reading you too! Will you tell me where you've gone? Please? maureenbaker at hotmail.com
from seven-point5 :
I have a suspicion that the person we know as "Lisse" is actually Lindsay Lohan. hmmm. Can I please have your password? salinedream at hotmail.com. =)
from betchy :
have you gone somewhere else?
from rhondarubard :
Loyal reader since 87loft days...rhondarubard@yahoo.com. Pul-lease?
from dramabear :
new location? I've been reading for a loyal 3-4 years now :) Can I have the address? Bdancr1*@*aol.*com w/o the stars
from chasha :
Yeah, I'd like to know too. I've also moved (and don't want to link old to new) and will respond with that. email me at sky_bluepink@cox.net
from glossypages :
I want to know where you've gone! :( I miss reading you.
from betchy :
where? where did you go? i miss you!!! can you e mail it to me at rebecca.tomkins@jobcentreplus.gsi.gov.uk i promise i wont tell anyone, i wont even put it on my profile!!!
from katrina03 :
where? :(
from ebombmom :
Ditto... directions to new location, if I may? Please?
from ladiebug :
ou, s'il vous plait?
from iss :
i'll miss you...you'll always be my favorite! cheers..;)
from dietcokegirl :
My mom said to me tonight at dinner, 'I just want you to find someone who loves you and will treat you and your sister right, because that's what my babies deserve.' I think every mother wants that. Trouble is -- their ideas aren't always the sames as ours. Good luck :)
from sweet-cynic :
ahahahahhahaha. oh. my. hahaha. thanks for the laugh.
from timdangerous :
My Mother-in-Law was a teacher in the public school system (county) and they went through the exact same torture each and every year. I remember College teachers/professors both with and without tenure complaining as well. Personally I think the school uses the contract as a tool so to speak, something to "hold over the heads" of it's employees. I always thought it could be as simple as the admin really liking the tail licking s/he recieved during this period of (albeit artificial) appreciation. *shrug* Just my 2 centavos. Don't sweat it.
from betchy :
Mum's wont like someone that has hurt you in the past because they will constantly be waiting for him to do it again. trust me. it will take her at least a year to get her somewhere close to thinking that he wont hurt you again, and even then the slightest little step out of line will have her thinking he is the spawn of Satan again. it doesnt make her bad. it just means you're her little girl and she is looking out for you. that maternal streak doesnt go away just because you're grown. even if it does drive you barmy x
from betchy :
yessssssss! one woman dance-a-thons in your bedroom, with the music up really loud (i find Cher or Pink to be very satisfying). and if you know the words, soooooo much more fun!
from timdangerous :
At least you have the opportunity to show cleavage to get out of a speeding ticket. I, on the other hand, had to attend a defensive driving course AND pay a 175 dollar fine! By the way, when it's a lady cop? They NEVER let us guys go. Never! Anyway...I'm really glad you've got your own space now. Sounds like life is chugging right along. Take care... ~t
from blazingstar :
Hey, I've been reading for a while and just wanted to say good luck with everything and keep writing! I'm hooked.
from betchy :
happy is good! happy Lisse happy Lisse! go girl.
from xmyxsundownx :
happy love day.
from dramabear :
just thinking aloud......if you stop having sex with him for a few months, maybe it'll help! :) I wish you luck
from burlaper :
i LOVE value city. i really wish they had them out here like they do back home...
from vickithecute :
Wow....your diary is like quicksand...I just stumbled in here (thanks to imaphatpig) and got sucked in....I'm pulling myself out just long enough to add you to my faves (and, um...yeah, I just realized that was probably the cheesiest compliment ever...sorry...)
from toxicsmile :
go for it!!! moving out feels so good!
from betchy :
thanks for adding me, i feel all special now! and as for moving out, do it do it do it! its the best thing i have ever done. i make a pittance, and i am always skint, but i would never go back to my mums now. i really hope the place you look at is nice!
from singlegirl :
I moved back home with my parent's after I graduated college so I could save money while I went to graduate school. I felt like you, in some ways it was nice, but in other ways all you want is your freedom. It's hard to pry yourself away from relatively free living, but once you get out, it's worth it. I still live paycheck to paycheck (I got my Masters in Social Work), but at least I have my freedom. And of course, I still take up my parent's offers for free meals and things like that :)
from sunspot :
used furniture helped keep my apartment furnishing cheap. we actually just got a dining room table last night... someone had abandoned it on the sidewalk. also, I was surprised to find how much stuff my mom had in the basement to foist off on me... might give that a try too. good luck finding a place of your own.
from sweet-cynic :
"There are days when solitude is a heady wine that intoxicates you with freedom, others when it is a bitter tonic, and still others when it is a poison that makes you beat your head against the wall." - Colette.
from betchy :
thats wonderful that those students said that. i bet it makes you feel really proud, and you should be. you are doing exactly what you wanted to be doing, and not only that, you seem to be doing it really really well. well done!
from dietcokegirl :
Hey there .. I was just thinking about how long I've been writing on diaryland, and how long I've been reading you .. before it seems like half of diaryland knew your name .. I just wanted to tell you that you are just as fabulous now as you were then .. and that I really think your goals for the new year will come to be. You're a really special person Lisse .. Best Wishes, and Happy New Year...
from dramabear :
Boyfriend? Did I miss you and Sam getting back together or something? I'm so confused...
from betchy :
hey! i have been reading you forever, and am wishing all my faves a merry christmas. so merry christmas!
from toxicsmile :
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!
from ravengreen :
Dude, there is a strand of the flu that masks itself as a hangover. I've had it and some of my friends have too. when it started you think you have a hangover, but at some point you can't keep anything down and even looking at food makes you sick. ..and you realize, "Wait, this isn't what my hangovers are like!" Hope you feel better.
from dandelionkat :
Lisse, can I make a special request? Will you read and correct and commment and tare to pieces my college essay? It just hit me like a brick that you'd be more than qualified. If you could just let me know if the email address on your website reaches you and if its ok. My writing skills are lacking, and my grammatical skills will make your insides rot with disapproval. Pretty please help me? Thanks!
from areistia :
*hugs for you and your gramma*
from burlaper :
breathe deep. i feel your pain.
from i-melany :
i read about you and sam and it reminds me so much about an ex-boyfriend i had and the long...drawn out.. and eventual break up we had. he hurt me a lot and i didn't see that until later. i hope you work things out - whatever that may mean for you and sam.
from ashliana :
maybe you should appreciate your parents for caring instead of lashing out at them since they've watched you suffer for months with sam and be extremely fickle as you swing from "never talking to him again" to "oh maybe he's changed and he really loves me"... maybe they just want you to find someone who you can have a more balance relationship with, who doesn't bail on you and then change and then revert back to bailing... i'm sure they see that he does some nice things foryou... but maybe they don't think it's worth the price, the drama. you don't have to "decide" between your parents or sam... maybe youjust need to reach a balance or resolution and see where everyone's coming from. if i were your parents, i'd not want to see you with sam anymore either, because he seems too transitory.... one moment he's holding you and loving you and then he's making you feel guilty for no reason about you having responsibilities or a life outside of him or not wanting to do *everything* for him... i dunno. just remember that your parents are there for you and care about your happiness too.
from ebombmom :
My mom lost 35 lbs on WW, I lost about 20 before my wedding. My best friend lost 80 and her husband lost 150! They are now WW celebrities in our city, heh. Anyway, good luck! It does work.
from sweet-cynic :
i worked with a hot hot hot blond.. and i was surprised when i commented on how pretty and slim she was,s he told me she used to be really really overweight. she brought in a before picture and she literally was at least 3 times smaller than her before picture. asked her what her trick was and she said weight watchers.
from melody03 :
My mom did Weight Watchers and lost almost 30 pounds, and she's almost 50. Good luck!
from neishia :
Yup. Works. I lost 27lbs since January. I've dieted before and never lost more than 5 or 10 lbs. I haven't even worked out at all. so I can imagine if I did. . . Great program. I use the smart ones and lean cuisine meals during work. Smart ones has GREAT desserts. life savers for a diet....
from indigo-love :
my mom works full time for weight watchers. she has for the past 20+ years. she lost all of her weight (75 lbs) on WW. it works as long as you are disciplined enough to follow it. i've never done it myself - never really had to or had the desire to. i know it's a healthy way to lose weight, though. good luck!
from anabels :
Weight watchers works like a charm. Coz it is really flexible it can cope with your lifestyle and you don't feel like you are being deprived of anything. It gives you a nice simple framework to help you make better food and exercise decisions. I have lost 15 of the 20 kilograms i wanted. The last 5 I am not sure I will take off coz I am starting to look too thin. Bels
from acadia :
Lisse-- I know exactly where you're at. I've wanted to write my whole life. Heck, I'm a Creative Writing MAJOR. But anymore I'm too intimidated, too afraid, too SOMETHING to finish anything. If I've learned anything, it's this: "The worst part about being a writer is that eventually you're going to have to sit down and write something." I've also learned that if you want to do something with your writing ability, you have to just do it, whether you're inspired or not. It's a scary, scary thing, but if it's what you love, just start writing. Freewriting, outlining, anything. That's the best advice I could give. Good luck, and never forget the dreams you had when you were young. Sometimes they're the most important ones. :)
from blondbeauty :
There is another side to something you said: One of my pet peeves is the opposite - how some high school teachers think that teaching elementary school is a piece of cake because we aren't teaching real complicated concepts. It's not complicated to those that have been taught it, however I'm sure you have an understanding of that working with young kids all summer... Just another point of view.
from areistia :
not all elementary teachers think that.. if anything I hear more from high school teachers how "cute" it must be to teach the little ones.. cute my ass.... I have mad props for you.. I couldn't teach high school.. they'd drive me insane... at that age i'd feel like they should know better than to do stupid shit.. at least my 3rd graders have some sort of an excuse.. lol. hope you have a better week! p.s. can we add onto the list veterns teachers who think they know it all just because they have been teaching forever, and can't imagine that you might actually know something about education just 'cause you are new to the profession?
from acadia :
Just out of curiousity, how do you feel about politics? I've been reading for years and never saw it mentioned (I don't think?). Also, Happy 23rd! Hope it was a good one.
from girlygirl83 :
Happy Birthday!:) Have a good weekend!
from sweet-cynic :
happy23!
from betchy :
happy birthday girly, have a great weekend with sam and let him spoil you!
from toxicsmile :
happy 23rd!!!
from mozangeles :
happy birthday!
from burlaper :
did you ever think that perhaps the teachers haven't yet gone this year and that's why you haven't been invited? still, i agree it would be great to have that solidarity. keep trying. i'm sure you'll find someone to help you. as for my student teaching...so far so good, but i'm sure it only gets harder from here on out...eek.
from dandelionkat :
Here's the deal. I'm 17 years old and a senior. I hang out with 21 year olds on the weekend so I can understand where you are coming from. But here's the deal. Most of them are going to treat you how you assert yourself. My favorite teacher at my school is a 23 year old. She is kick ass. We hang out before school and I've talked to her on the weekends when she has been smashed. The kids are going to treat you how you make them think they should. She is a bitch. A hard core bitch at school. She's extremely THIS IS THE WAY I WANT IT DONE-- YOU DON'T DO IT THIS WAY-- DETENTION. YOU STILL DONT CODE 1. She's gained the respect of both the students and the admin. You can handle this. Another point is that your students LOVE you. And even if they don't always let you do. There are kids that look forward to your class all day. You may want to check in to being a sponsor of a club or organization. I know I've had to find several sponsors for organizations: danceline, youth in government, ect. Maybe start a YOUNG REPUBLICANs or a YOUNG DEMOCRATs. Could be fun? Next year there will be a new teacher. Accept him/her into your own personal world. When life gives you lemons make lemonade. You rock out hard core. kate
from listentome00 :
I don't think you want Sam. You want Kevin, or someone like Kevin. Or Sam to be like Kevin. Hmmmm........ Don't keep getting your hopes up on Sam.
from girlygirl83 :
AWWWWWWWW, he sounds like a really sweet boy! I'm happy for you!!:)
from be-naked :
**hug** i'm sorry to hear about your puppy. our family dog died in december and it tore me apart.
from bitchlosophy :
You made me cry! I'm sorry to hear about Max :( He's definitely in heaven cos all dogs go to heaven, don't they?
from sweet-cynic :
what a heart warming story... "If you pick upa starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the prinipal difference between a dog and a man." - Mark Twain
from toxicsmile :
I couldnt get through your entry without crying! I know your dog is now in a better place...
from indigo-love :
man, i'ms so sorry to hear about your dog. my friend's dog died suddenly on saturday night and i know it hurts like hell. (((hugs)))
from betchy :
i am so sorry to hear about your dog. i had a dog from when i was 5 till i was 18, and he had to be put to sleep. he was really ill aswell, had all sorts wrong with him and just wasnt himself. but the day that he actually had to go to the vet, he seemed fine again. he was running around, and playing just like he had before. it made it so much harder, becaues i really thought he had miraculously got better. of course he hadnt. i was so upset i had to have a week off work. i dont think anyone understands how distressing it is until it happens to them. my thoughts are with you and your family x
from toxicsmile :
Im sorry about your dog...
from sweet-cynic :
burning question: hypothetically, if kevin were to miss you greatly to the point of asking for a second chance, would you take him back? or are you completely past him now.
from mozangeles :
If you don't mind me asking...what the hell happened with Kevin? All I remember is reading hot, steamy sex entries about you and him, and then all the of the sudden, nothing.
from musicnut :
Yes, he died last year. I remember it. I don't know why people are just finding out about it now though.
from vegas-girl :
I heard about Jonathan Brandis a couple of months ago and was quite shocked. I too had a major crush on him back in the day. It's sad, I was hoping he would have a long and wonderful career. Hmph.
from anamal :
I thought it was funny when your mom started nagging you about your class and your syllabus. Every teacher I've had in hs and some in college have straight out said "if you fail to turn in a project or daily work, you will flunk this class." I don't think it's harsh that you put the similiar thing in your syllabus. Honestly, I would love to have you as one of my teachers. Oh...and bummer about the whole grocery bagger boy. But I guess you could always settle with "being the other woman"
from dulceatthew :
Dammit. Don't you just LOVE it when life throws curves such as that??? Stay stronge, dear Lisse.
from ladiebug :
hey, engaged, not married! JUST KIDDING... that hurt in the end, though. hope you're well.
from msboombastic :
I don't agree with your mom smothering you in this way, but I do actually agree with her about the course syllabus. As a first year teacher (at a school that sounds like it will have a lot of parental involvement), I would try to avoid battles with parents. If you can answer the questions your mom had on the syllabus it may help you avoid some headaches later on. Sorry for the unsolicited advice, I just know that I have had to defend myself to a few parents in the past, and I HATED it. I love it that you are writing regularly now, and I can't wait to hear about your teaching adventures.
from roklobster :
*hug* Stick to your guns, girl. You know you deserve someone who will treat you better than this Sam fellow.
from dramabear :
Wow. It's like your demise with Sam echos my demise with my ex from September 2003 to January 2004. Without the sex and such. But we def. went back and forth telling each other how much we hated each other and telling other people we were done. And doing things that hurt, and saying things that hurt because we were the ones saying them. And I had friends who "didn't want to hear it" and really let me down when it all happened. And I had friends who stood by me, even though they didn't really understand. I did the exact same thing as you. In Febuary I called him to get his address to send him back things he demanded back when he was mad. He said I wouldn't have called if I hadn't wanted to talk. Which was partily true. We started talking again, but I maintained I couldn't see him. I supported him over the phone, he came to my graduation (I didn't see him). He has asked to see me and I avoid it. And then about a week ago I was talking to a new co-worker who I barely know. And I said something like "I don't think I can see him again. I get this weird feeling like I just don't always want to talk to him". After months of therapy and crying and everyone giving me advice this girl said the most solid thing I have ever heard. "So you grew apart. You grew up. You aren't the same person you were a year ago. It happens. Don't feel bad about it." And it's true. One day you wake up, and it's just not necessary to pretend you'll be in love with him again. One day you just grow up. Good luck :)
from dandelionkat :
hahaha.. HAPPY HOLIDAYS sam... haha i love it when you can use other peoples words to bite them in the ass...
from girlygirl83 :
Hey, I'm sure that deep in your heart you want to think that Sam is good. I know that it's hard, I'm kinda going through the same thing, but keep your head held high. It will get easier I promise. I hope that it gets better with sam, and your parents!
from sweet-cynic :
DDR = fun way of burning calories. 2nd to sex.
from timdangerous :
Sam will be eternally lost and mortified when he ever realizes what he lost. What a jerk. *hugs*
from msgaladriel :
I think you'll be fine. At least, that's what I keep telling myself! I'm going to be doing teacher training (in the UK) in, oh, about 4 weeks time and your entry just totally resonated with me, and if it's any consolation I'm six years older than you. You'll be great!
from toxicsmile :
for whatever its worth, i think youre ready! :)
from mzauberman :
You don't have to teach them about how to live their lives. That's their parents' job. You just have to teach them algebra or English or biology or whatever. Being a good teacher is generally not about being Robin Williams in Dead Poets Society or Jaime Escalante. Just do your job well and you'll have no problem.
from minervae :
lisse, you are ready. you are mature. all you need is the confidence. good luck!
from chasha :
I'd recommed the book "The First Days of School: How to Be an Effective Teacher" by Harry Wong (yes, that's a real name).
from toxicsmile :
I know you probably dont want to hear this, but, I think you are so lucky to be 22 and to already have a career. Im 22 and Im basically nowhere! Enjoy it! :)
from sweet-cynic :
i love that bartender in boondock saints.
from liza :
i'm confused -- do you want to leave him alone, or do you want him to become the perfect boyfriend somehow, all of a sudden? because for someone who claims that she doesn't want this guy in her life anymore, you sure as hell have initiated a lot of contact between the two of you. you should go back and read your old entries, seriously. i think you'd find that the number of times you've said, "sam's out of my life. really. come on, guys seriously. okay no, for real this time." is getting fucking ridiculous. also, boring.
from argentum :
When you truly do not desire anymore contact with someone, you do not contact them to tell them this. Your actions betray your intentions.
from imaphatpig :
lisse, rather then sending them back, why not sell them on ebay? I did that with my ex-boyfriend gifts and it was surprisingly very gratifying to do!
from betchy :
lisse, you are a true legend!!! making out with a groomsman is what weddings are all about!!! and good riddance to sam. that boy treated you so bad. ye ha to ya!!!! **mwah mwah**
from dramabear :
Good for you! You are woman, and I hear you roar ;) Enjoy the summer! Sarah
from betchy :
well done for keeping on driving. it is hard, especially when all you want is to be held, then "fucked" as you put it, but i think you did the smart thing. and i dont think you have to get into a new relationship to get over the last one, but getting a crush on someone to distract you does help. i got over wizz by getting a crush on fenton (will make no sense if you are not a reader). you will be ok lisse, if you're managing to be this strong at this stage, you will be able to carry on with it. he is the one who is weak. lots of love xx
from minervae :
smart woman. about time you realize it is all about yourself. my life became a hell of a lot easier once i embraced that concept.
from sweet-cynic :
hahaha. that was cute.
from eudoria :
Hey Lisse, long time reader, first time notes writer. At least you are aware of how poorly Sam treats you. It usually takes a few months after a breakup to realize what a scumbag the once *perfect* rebound guy was. You're still young. Mr. Right will come along when you stop looking for him. In the meanwhile, don't beat yourself up over wanting to feel loved by Mr. Right Now. It can be a lonely world out there.
from leonmcphelps :
Well, thank you for adding Leon as a favorite. Leon appreciates it very much.
from krugerpak007 :
Your diary is such a pleasure to ready! Have a good weekend.:-) Kathy
from betchy :
no worries i was just playing!!! there are a few people that give you grief out there, but i dont know why. i LOVE your diary. its the best!! i had 2 reviews this week, one was good the other was sooooo bad. i was a bit upset i must say, but hey-ho, you cant please everybody. i'm curious though, what is the 87 loft? stay gorgeous sweetie xxx
from betchy :
lisse, i really wish you would reply to my notes because i love your diary so much. when i get to work in the morning and switch on to see who has updated, i always save you and beautyx3 till last because your diaries are my faves! sorry to hear about your car, and hope things sort themselves out with sam - whatever the outcome. hugz xx
from liza :
blah blah blah. these are all just variations on a theme. if you'd just stay away from him, you wouldn't have anything to complain about. cancel the pity party and get on with it.
from roklobster :
gah. *super-duper-HUG* 'Sorry' just doesn't cut it. But? Hopefully you get cool new car stuff out of this, and then with your pimped out ride, you can get a truly rad boy who won't be such a dick. Yay!
from areistia :
6/14/04 so sorry to hear about your car.. that sucks a big one... so sorry to hear about Sam too.. isn't it like amazing how ppl can remain so egocentric regardless of how old they get? It's like "hello, you were supposed to grow out of that stage at age 6"... sometimes it takes really big things to make us admit things... hell, I moved to Cali to try to make something work with a guy and when i moved back here he promised that "neither of us are falling off the face of the earth, we'll still talk all the time"... yeah.. well, let's say that fucker fell far 'cause its been 3 months with no contact from him...... let's just hope that the old saying is true, "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger"...
from roklobster :
*hug* You will make it through this too. You are great.
from bluesage :
If it's any consolation, I still do that with my ex-boyfriend too. I'm very much in love with the current guy, but the ex drives a white suburban, and my heartbeat still quickens everytime I see one...sadly enough, look around and you'll notice that just about every other person has one!
from be-naked :
i think i see mark a lot too. like i'll see a red civic and look to see if it's HIS red civic. or everytime i see some kids skateboarding i see if he's among them. i'm hoping that the habit will go away.
from burlaper :
i don't mean to be a naysayer or anything, and i know that sam was a GIGANTIC jerk to you recently, but isn't it kinda mean to repeatedly be affectionate and have sex with him and then say 'no we can't be a couple?' i obviously don't know the situation or either of you well enough to tell for certain, but it just seems kind of cruel to both of you, and especially to him since it seems like he's the one who wants you back, not vice versa.
from dandelionkat :
im proud of you for being strong!
from areistia :
I just sat and read the majority of your entries from this year. How much we have in common... except i got my degree in early childhood ed.. lol My diary has been way boring lately, but feel free to check it out.. and just so you know, I'm totally stealing the "happy holidays" thing... hope you have a good week. *melinda*
from roklobster :
New phases of life are hard, and yet? Verra good for us peoples. You will find peeps - you are a fun girl and will make friends. You will do well at work. You will even, I'm betting, start that there novel and kick some ass at that. Go you! *grin*
from betchy :
i am so glad you said "happy holidays to sam" what a cock arse he is!!! i really think you can start living your life, doing what you want to do, and not having to feel guilty about it now. good for you lisse!
from timdangerous :
Amazing! Happy Holidays, indeed! Good job lisse. I don't know whether to hug you, buy you a beer, or both!
from msundrstood :
"Happy Holidays!"? AWESOME! I commend you. You officially are my hero.
from sweet-cynic :
followed you since the loft days and just wanted to leave one and say i'm proud of you.
from indicagirl :
No - I'll tell you! You need to listen to yourself (not the "I just had great sex, could this be a new beginning?" you - the you that knew he wasn't worthy of a trophy like you! Keep your spirit alive, don't lose it over some guy. Men are like buses, a new one rolls up every 5 minutes or so....
from betchy :
hi, im pretty new to diaryland but came across your diary and thought it seemed interesting, and i fell in love with it. you do such similar things to me man wise its scary!!! you write in a very different way to me, you are far more creative, but i have really enjoyed reading it. i have only read the most recent few entries, but am going to go back and read some of the older stuff, so i can understand what happened with you and sam, coz from the entries i have read he does not come off looking good!!! he seems like a complete arsehole to be fair.
from ashliana :
congratulations! you did it, and you did it well. and now you're already feeling much better for it. :) life's too short to waste so much energy and time on people who just take and take from you and make you feel the worse for it.
from indicagirl :
HAPPY for you that you'll now be able to get on with your new life - SAD that you have to feel all the pain and crappyness that come with losing a loser....Be strong - don't go back - look forward!!
from roklobster :
*hug* Sorry poppet. And also? Congrats. I know - weird combo, but figuring out that someone isn't making you happy and then doing something about it, while hurty, is also goodly for you. So ya. Sorry. And congrats. *hug*
from sunspot :
I've been known to be weak and dependent and I still am sometimes, so I don't think you can just snap out of it when you recognize it... just had to say that. Regardless, I have been reading your words for *gulp* years, and it just doesn't sound like Sam is cutting it for you anymore. I empathize with the lack of support problem, but Sam isn't giving you support anyway. Hopefully when you start your teaching job you'll make some friends on the staff. Take care of yourself.
from ashliana :
geez. dirtylinda has gone way too far. you're not a damned stalker/loser. he is an asshole. it's funny, his name/psuedonym is the same as my ex's who treated me in a similarly shitty way towards the end of our relationship. that kind of treatment is not what comprises a close intimate loving relationship. it is draining to you because you're still allowin gyourself to get affected by him. he's hurt and immature and is now giving you the run around to make himself feel better. don't let him do it! fuck him, seriously. you're so much better and he doesnt' deserve to have the satisfaction of treating you like this. just cut away, move on. if he wants to come crawlign back later and apologize, accept it gracefully but probably do not let him back into your heart. a peace offering is a good idea, but it can be misconstrued as well. you dont' want to come off as all needy and such, which is what he seems to want to feel better about himself. i'd make that peace offering the *last* thing i did for him, were i you. stop calling, stop messaging, stop giving any energy to him... you're not a loser or a stalker... you're a woman who holds out hope for too long, like many woman (myself included) and then allows herself to get shat on a bit. but it seems like you're seeing things for what they are and hopefully will have the strength to keep your resolve and not let them remain like this. he's an asshole. you shared some nice moments, keep those and get rid of him now. someone else will come along. i do understand your irrational repeated calls to him. i did that as well with my ex, but in email. it's a horrible state to find onself in, but it doesn't have to continue and it doesn't make you bad or a stalker. it makes you weak and dependent, but all it takes is a change of mind and a recognition of what's actually happening to stop being weak and dependent and become strong, independent and happy.
from quarters :
whoa whoa whoa. okay, lisse, i've been reading since near the very beginning of the87loft, and i've always liked you and what you had to say. but this business with sam? come *on* now, stop calling him! it's obvious to anyone who reads this that you're broken up, or at least he wants to be. besides, a month or two ago, you specifically said in an entry that you two *had* broken up! unless there was something that went unwritten and y'all got back together, just stop and get over it. there are far more productive things to do with your time than futz over a boy who is pretty much out of your life anyway.
from dusk19 :
Okay, Lisse, I have enjoyed your diaries for like 3 years now, and I hate to be negative toward you, but it's warranted right now. How about looking at the good things in your life before you become completely ungrateful? Your awesome new job, which I and so many others would give a left arm to have, should be on your mind instead of the job you hate now. Just look at it this job as the end of the path. And as far as Sam, come on now, turn over an independent leaf! Just imagine what it will be like to think of YOUR needs above everything else. Above his. Above your friends. Just YOURS. I understand the tendency for readers to judge you is frustrating, because it is your journal, but I just felt the need to remind you that life is not so bad. Think first of what you have, and then how much worse life could be.
from raversweetie :
that sounds exactly like my relationship with my ex. don't let him jerk you around like that. you didn't do anything wrong. fuck that. the reason you keep going in that cycle is because you care and don't like people being upset. i know. i'm the same exact way. but you need to stand up for yourself and don't let the game go on any longer.
from ashendust :
I had that exact night w/my boyfriend not too long ago. We always have stupid fights that never really end we just forget about them...until I'm just so pissed I can't get over it. But even then...there's no "end"
from princessa007 :
I know you may think you want to stay with Sam, but you're great and you do deserve so much better. Even if he does have a bad day he needs to learn not to take it out on you, and he needs to learn that the same rules apply to him... if he can call you at 2am, you should be able to do the same. And he needs to learn to admit that everything is not always your fault, but his fault as well. I was in a very similar relationship recently... looking back on it, I thought I was happy at the time but now I realize I was miserable the whole time. You deserve better, I promise. The only reason you turned into the girlfriend you don't like is because of his attitude towards you.
from mynewplace :
What are you still doing with Sam?! He treats you badly, and you know it. You need to break up with him because you deserve better. Stop making excuses for him and move on, even if it is hard.
from dramabear :
Honey, there are times to listen to your parents, and times that it just doesn't pay. If you declined sweetly not to housesit because you had plans, and the owner invited your plans over, then your mom has no say in what happens. Not only is that true, but she was kinda rude to put her two cents in and expect you to abide by her "rules". I'm sorry it got kinda messed up, but listen to your heart next time. The woman wouldn't have offered to house Sam unless it was alright, and your mom needs to be told to MYOB.
from minervae :
wow. tough call on the mom thing. sounds the situation that caused me to move out of my parents house at 19. financially, it was tough ... but it was the best thing in the world. hang in there. with the new job independence is sure to come.
from liza :
your MOM told you you couldn't do it, so you didn't? uh, hello -- you are 23 years old, and the homeowner said it was fine. tell mom to shove it.
from murasaki :
dude. 87 loft stuff. so good. so wonderful. publish it.
from ashendust :
Ya know what I've realized being a creative writing major...i always get stuck at the beginning. I have to force it out of me, but once I start there's no stopping me.
from sparkle-hero :
Come on Lisse, you should just go through your 87 loft stuff, and edit and re-write some stuff and get it published in its original diary format! It has potential to be so popular... I've been reading your stuff for a long time now, and I think it would even make a great movie.
from dandelionkat :
I am so glad to hear you got your job. And about quitting the one you're at now... Do it. Most teachers have summer jobs. Try something that doesn't involve kids. Or atleast toddlers. You've had enough expereince with that.
from indigo-love :
yah! congrats!!!
from burlaper :
yay! i'm so excited for you. now you can give me teaching pointers as a real live breathing teacher while i'm doing my student teaching! woohoo! we should be english teacher friends and swap lesson ideas for the rest of our teaching lives. wow, look at me go!
from mzauberman :
Re: job: W00t w00t w00t! (Well, except for that last part about Sam). Still, a good thing is a good thing. Follow your heart...'n'stuff :)
from dirtylinda :
Lisse talks about herself in the third person! Lisse is totally uncreative!
from be-naked :
boys. suck. a. lot. **hug** you'll look back and feel much better about the whole thing.
from timdangerous :
Hope you feel better soon.
from sweet-cynic :
damn, shit eating two year olds are the WORST. i work in a church nursery and i try my hardest to avoid the two year old room (we rotate).... love my 1 year olds.. their shit tend to not be as rank as the 2 yr olds since their diet is still simple.
from hangover :
How to break a heart by me. Copyright 2004 all rights, blah blah blah ... ehem .... "I really like your penis. I hope that after the surgery mine looks just like yours". "You know all that free time you've been pining? You've got it". "Dear baby, welcome to dumpsville, population YOU" (okay, I stole that from the Simpsons but it's so good). "The Herpetic outbreak now reaches to my knees". "You're like a brother to me, especially during sex. In fact you're just like him" There's more but, you know, I don't want to suck up all your note space
from chasha :
You should wear a business suit (skirt below the knee, tailored jacket, modest neckline). They also advocate wearing plain pumps. Only one pair of earings, and pancake make-up over all visible tattoos. It sucks. It's not at all how you'd dress on the job. But the district HR people want to see as conservative as possible. I'm going through it too. It's especially important to appear uber-professional if you look like you're under 35. Once you get a school position, visit the site to get an idea about how the other teachers there dress. At the school I'm in now, it's fairly free. Our vice principal was wearing platform sandals today.
from smilefactory :
Good luck at Friday's interview!
from seven-point5 :
lisse, i have to say, lately i've been approving.
from anamal :
Yeah, I just got a Dell Inspiron 5100 and it kinda sucks that it doesn't have a floppy, but, eh...I don't really care. Well, enjoy your new laptop, love. Toodles.
from anamal :
All you have to do is attatch the stories in an e-mail, send it to yourself and check your mail on your new laptop and toodaa!
from dandelionkat :
or... you could buy a disk drive for it.. it just hooks in the back, if you're an old fashion gal like me...
from ashliana :
um. cdr's are very cheap so it's not a big deal to burn the stories to disc. that's probably a good idea anyway to have as back up in case your computer dies. if you know any computer savvy geek-type people, ask them if they have software for your computer.
from anamal :
what kind of laptop did you get?
from dandelionkat :
Hey dude! It's true.. blondes do have more fun! And being tan.. well that's just part of the package. But becareful, you can burn really easy in a tanning bed keep it under 12 minutes your frist week or so....
from ashliana :
you should probably break up with him. he seems to be a negative hole in your life. yes, maybe you're lonely and he wants you and he fills that void and maybe you love him, but he seems to be really different in a bad way from you. he seems too masculine or something. and unappreciative and not very smart and pretty weak. from what you've described in your diary here he just doesn't even seem to make you very happy. which leads me to another point... i think you ought to sit down and really rethink your life. what you want to do. what inspires you. how you feel right now about your life. etc. and realize that what is most important is to pursue that which inspires you, not make lots of money. i don't see in this diary how teaching inspires you. just because you love to write and love english does nto mean that teaching it will make you happy. so many people follow that path adn end up grouchy, stagnate, uninspired and depressed at their unfulfilling yet stable life. you really can write. stand out on the edge and go after all the things that make you happy and don't accept anything less. job, relationship, living location, friends, etc.
from shabby-chic :
*sigh* I went out with a guy ages ago who my parents didn't like either. Well, actually... two guys my parents didn't like. The first one was a definitely hated... the second one was just disliked. In any case, I can see the reasoning why my parents didn't like either of them too much. It wasn't that they were bad people. It wasn't that they were abusive. The thing of it was... they weren't right for me. They lacked the ambition and drive that I have. The lacked the ability to be visionary, out-of-the-box thinkers. They lacked creativity and romance. They lacked good jobs and solid educations. They lacked solid family and spiritual backgrounds. They lacked integrity and a lot of principles. They lacked the ability to treat me the way I should be treated (though they never treated me horribly). They lacked energy and a true passion for life. They lacked so much more than that and too recount all of it would take too dang long. The point is... there is just so much more than a good solid relationship than, love, lust, drama, and public displays of affection. There's also more to it then hard-core, mind-blowing sessions of the hippity dippity. No one can exist off of "love" and no relationship can work strictly because two people "love" each other. LOVE is, in fact, the stupidest reason known to man to stay with someone! And, it's taken me a long time to realize this... but it's the dang truth and anyone who fails to see this is really kidding themselves. Look at people who have been married for 30-40-50 years... have they been married JUST BECAUSE they love each other? Have they stayed together because the "lovin'" is so deliciously wonderful? It's very doubtful. Seriously. The point of this is that there really is a Mr. Right-for-now. But... there is also a Mr. Right. And he is going to share so much of your beliefs, values, opinions, ideas... etc. Mind you, similarities like prefering to eat your ketchup with your macaroni-n-cheese or other quirks don't count! It's stuff that is waaaaaaaay deeper than that. And there really is someone out there that meets all of your requirements. There is even someone out there that meets requirements that you didn't even realize you had - someone who is the person that you DIDN't DREAM that you could hope for. As silly and wistful as it sounds... it's the truth... 6.5 billion people in the world... there's someone out there that fits your bill to the tee! But, if you'd rather have something hard core to quantify all of this... Do this: Make a list of 20 things that your ideal mate would have. Don't think of an existing person. Think of someone that is your absolute dream guy. Think about the usual stuff (physical attributes) and also the stuff that other people might not care about (spiritual beliefs, special preferences that you have). If the guy that you are thinking about spending the rest of your life with doesn't have AT LEAST 17 if those things (no finagling or justifying it)... then it's not really as great of a match as you thought. This is a tried and true thing... don't scoff at it. It REALLY does work out!
from indicagirl :
Lisse! I have not checked on your page for 6 months now, giving up all hope after begging you like an idiot not to go! I've been with you since The Loft days (ahhhh...the days!) I've only read the first entry but now you give me something to do during my boring ass days at work! Thank you so much for coming back...I feel like a lost friend has come home from a bad marriage and now I get to catch up and hope to be able to help! Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!!
from roklobster :
You aren't horrible. You know things in your relationship with Sam haven't been perfect - nothing ever is. No, you shouldn't have hit him, but what's done is done. I think perhaps, and this is opinion time from a complete stranger so tell me to sod off if you want, but I think YOU need time to just be. Chill out. Get it into your head that you are out of college and life rolls on and while you are a good girlfriend, you also need to be in touch with what makes you happy. The drama of Sam perhaps is not making you the happiest. Hope you can just take a breather for a moment and let your head and heart settle before making a decision, one way or the other. *HUG*
from twelfthnight :
wow, I disappeared from d-land for a good year and it seems like I missed tons... how am I ever going to catch up?? :P hey, Lisse, it's good to read your entries again! you were always one of my favorites.
from dandelionkat :
so is there a possibility you'll go out with wade now? please... kat
from shabby-chic :
Hello, Lisse. I've been keeping tabs on you through our good mutual diaryland buddy Ladiebug. I just wanted to lend some girlfriend support and encouragement - what with all of the badness happening in your neck of the woods. For as much as you might not want to hear this, I am so relieved the the whole business with Sam is ka-put. No offense to Sam, but it just didn't seem like it was right from the beginning. *sigh* I see so much of myself in your trials and tribulations. Where you are now with your job situation, love/intimacy situation, feelings of accomplishment and successes reminds me so much of what I have trudged through. It gets better though. I PROMISE that it gets better. It's true what everyone says: the first couple of years out of college are the toughest. You scramble to find the job that you envisioned yourself in when you first entered college. You question the choices and decisions that you have been going through because you feel like you are no where near where you thought you would be. You go through this relationship and that one and wonder how it is that you keep stepping into holes and getting stuck. You look at what your like may have been had this happened or that. You look at where your friends are and wonder how it is that they have gotten where they are because you have pretty much done the same thing. You ask yourself why you aren't more like them. It gets better. It really does. Anyway, if you want to hear my life story I can tell you in another time. I just wanted to let you now that I feel for you, chica! And hang in there. -Andrea (shabby-chic)
from burlaper :
hang in there, i feel your pain.
from timdangerous :
*hugs*
from aliboomboom :
Hi. I linked to your diary through lonely blues and it so related to me. I had never thought about why I always miss Ian more when a new relationship fails but I guess we all do it. We tend to forget all the shit they put us through and remember all the great times that we had together. Do you think that guys have a tendency to do that too? Do you think that when Kevin or Ian have a new relationship fail that maybe they think of us too? It was obvious that Big thought of Carrie so maybe it's happening to them too. Anyways it sounds like we have a lot in common, I'll be back to read more!!
from roklobster :
I am a super dork. You're back! Holy poop! Good to "see" you Ms. Lisse! Adding you as fav again. Thought you were never returning, so dumped you. Serves me right! HUG!
from rhondarubard :
Are Rose/Ricky/Jenna still around?
from dandelionkat :
please, please, please, please, please, please. go out with wade. one dinner date won't kill you. come on-- free dinner, what more do you need? kat
from dietcokegirl :
There's an old saying that goes something like .. don't just sit there, do something! And I think this applies here. You're an intelligent women .. right now though it seems like you're focusing on what you don't have - rather than trying to appreciate what you *do* have .. I know it's hard - but sometimes, you've got to push yourself to explore new realms and try something different when you start looking up all the time instead of straight of head. There is so much you could be doing right now - that you're not. Many people would kill to make 11 bucks an hour, and get to work with kids every day .. and people would use the chance at living at home, to get closer to their parents who aren't always going to be around - and to go out places and make new friends .. don't just sit there, do something .. motivate yourself to get happy ..
from timdangerous :
Lisse, I think you are beating yourself up too much about who/what you are. You are a wonderful person, and as the note below me says, you will have given much more to life than any of your classmates when its over. The gift of the future is a precious one. You are a great writer as well, I know, I've read you for a long while now, I just sat back and was quiet. I remember the Loft days. Hugs for you my freind! Be well. ~t
from anabels :
And you as a teacher will be the one who truly touches the future. It will be you who enables future Wades and Daves and Marleys to realise their dreams. Bels
from timdangerous :
A wise man once gave me some advice, he said, "Sometimes, it be's that way." It didn't help obviously, but thats what he told me. Glad to see you writing again, I missed you!
from chasha :
You should submit some of your early 87 loft entries. Just re-write them in fiction form. All your writing is good, but those first few months really seem to have a novel-like plot.
from smilefactory :
Good luck with the free lance opportunity!
from be-naked :
AWESOME!! definitely apply for the job if it's something you're passionate about. my dream, too, is to write professionally, except i want to do music-related things with my writing instead of fiction (i kinda suck at fiction). i am an english maj. who plans on teaching as well, only on the college level. it sucks that our dreams of writing are not realistic, but if you have an opportunity, you MUST take it!! GO GIRL!!
from dandelionkat :
god i realise im more and more like you everyday.. let me guess as in being a teacher you want to teach english...?
from mzauberman :
Re: the freelance thing. You should totally go for it; it's a fun way to make a few extra bucks on the side, and there really is nothing like being able to see your work in print on the magazine rack at Barnes and Noble.
from dietcokegirl :
hey you .. I hope you feel better soon. I still read in the shadows from time to time. And you know .. you've always inpressed me with your quiet strength. Even when you're scared, you still try. If I knew you personally, I'd tell you that I was proud of you. But I don't .. I only know what small portion you share. But it's lovely, just like you.
from princessa007 :
don't worry about the head gasket for now. if he said "possible new head gasket" he probably meant "you don't know how to put coolant in your car so i'll try to scam you" if your coolant light comes on again in the next 3 weeks, the gasket may need to be replaced soon... but it could be something less expensive than a head gasket.
from be-naked :
my car is mostly dependable, but when it rains, it pours. how many times have i had to overhaul something plus fix a blown-out tire and ran out of oil all at once? i'm a bad car owner.
from minervae :
wow, you're back! i just spent the past 45 minutes reading back seven months. it's refreshing to see that you are following your chosen path of education, despite the horrible experience with the ct. best of luck to you. --minerve (www.livejournal.com/users/minervae)
from sweet-cynic :
dude. i feel you. i feel marley too. i used to feel ashamed about my parent's accents and small house.. and forgot to think that htey gave up the big house and nice cars to send me through private school. but at private school instead of thinking about my humble background and being thankful, i thought about how i was sent to a school full of rich snobs.. and how unfair it was. man, i was blind. I had nothing to feel ashamed about - i had a lot to be proud about. fuck girls like marley and i. we had no idea.
from msgaladriel :
I can't believe you have to pay for your own bridesmaid's outfit! I'm from the UK and over here the bride pays for everything. When I got married I paid for both my bridemaid's dresses, shoes, headdresses, flowers and it's even traditional to buy them a thank you gift. I can't believe you have to pay for your own stuff. To coin an American phrase, that sucks!
from be-naked :
weddings suck. tell your hoity-toity friend to elope.
from seven-point5 :
LISSE! YOU AND I NEED TO HAVE A TALK ABOUT YOUR ENTRIES INVOLVING SAM LATELY! ...you've been warned...
from indigo-love :
ohhh ohhh ohhh! seeing a drag show and going to meet a democratic presidental hopeful in all one day! sounds like my kind of day!
from murasaki :
i think that you should ask diaryland to put the 87 loft back online, because even if you took some artistic liberties, its a damn good story.
from beautyx3 :
Hi, I really enjoyed your diary, I've added you to my buddy list, hope you don't mind.
from biggiecoke :
One of the hardest periods of my life emotionally so far (I'm 32) was that "post-college, what do i do?" time. I didn't have a job and I moved home for about six months. I cried a lot too. Eventually I moved away and everything worked out. I guess my point is, hang in there. This emotional topsy-turvy you're going through is normal and you'll get through it.
from inafunk :
I say live at home for now. Not because I think it's the best situation but it's better than setting yourself up for more hurt from both sam and your college friends... for after all they too will move away from that city once they have graduated. And as much as you hate living with your parents maybe once you get a job and get settled you will find the funds to move out on your own within town?
from be-naked :
i feel the exact same way about christmas. from christmas eve until like 10pm on christmas day, i was in a sour mood, but then as the night went on, things got better. i am hella glad that fucking holiday is over.
from dandelionkat :
The guy I dated that lived an hour an 1/2 a way has popped back into my life. So I'm so glad to hear how your relationship is going to work. Your strong at heart and so is he. You can make it work. If you want to..
from puzzlepiece :
yea, 2 hours isn't that far. =)
from ashliana :
What are his political views/your parents, anyway? i'm curious.
from indigo-love :
first of all, i am so glad to see that you are writing again. :) yah! secondly, your CT sounds like a real fuckface (i love that expression for some reason or another). glad you are done with student teaching. good luck at home with your parents. i have been in a few LDRs, they do suck, but time will tell. good luck! ;) (oh, i went to college in the midwest and i remember the snow not so fondly. i don't know how y'all do it!)
from tokcocktok :
Hi there, I'm just randomly stopping by. Anyways, happy holidays :)
from aliboomboom :
I just read some of your diary entries and I wanted to tell you not to stress out about the two hour time difference when you move home soon. My ex and I were 8 hours away and while we inevidentably came to an end, it wasn't the time difference that did us in. It sounds like you and Sam have a pretty good thing going and besides the quote goes "Distance makes the heart grow stronger." Maybe this distance thing will help to determine how strong your relationship. Oh and I completely understand, my ex has ruined my faith in relationships too. It scares the shit out of me.
from girlygirl83 :
Hey~I added you to my buddy list. I hope that you don't mind! If you want you can check out mine too.
from seven-point5 :
lisse, you are quite the sophisticate. Did you know that already?
from ashendust :
*sigh* Some people think aging is horrible. But I believe it's beautiful especially when you are beside someone else. I am truly jealous.
from ashliana :
god how i love yeats...*sighs dreamily*
from be-naked :
if it's "meant to be" for you and sam, it'll work out for ya. maybe not now, but someday it will. mark and i are living proof of this theory.
from abortedfetus :
I detect a grammatical mistake in your entry about not making grammatical mistakes.
from angellivia :
TELL ME about the ridiculous lengths our lesson plans have to be! It's crazy - mine have to be a whole side PER LESSON, yet the class teacher can get away with one side for a WHOLE WEEK! It's insane! Liv xx
from princessa007 :
I agree with you about the whole teachers working hard thing. It's kind of like the whole CEO thing... some people don't think they should get paid so much, but they have NO idea how stressful their job is. I think teachers can sometimes have one of the hardest jobs out there, even if it's not physically demanding most of the time. Some people will just never get it, but I think that's okay. You obviously think Sam is a great guy & that's all that matters.
from dandelionkat :
Haha sadly I could careless... your life is what you make it. and you're still beautiful to me
from bigkdawg :
Hmmm...well, I guess you just write extremely well. Enough that everyone believed you and bought into your romantic fairy-tale life. I kinda wish I could still believe that whole thing, but it WAS starting to sound like a V.C. Andrews novel, too. Bottom line: keep writing, Lisse!
from dramabear :
ok I understand not putting yourself in a bad position by telling the principal. That makes sense...but could you do so after the job is over? I mean seriously, that woman should not be allowed to teach if that's how she's teaching! I just speak from the highschool perspective: I would be pissed if one of my teachers acted like that. peace! Sarah
from msboombastic :
I imagine that you will have an evaluation of your CT at the end of the program (we did). It is after you will get your recommendation from her (which is really much more important than any of the other evaluations you will receive, principal included), so you can be free to recommend that she is never given a student teacher again. Since this is almost over, just do your best to hold out and deal with her. I know it's hard--my student teaching situation ended up less than ideal, too. Soon you'll be a "real" teacher and you can leave this nightmare behind you.
from dandelionkat :
Just to add. I am really, really, really, really, glad your back...
from liza :
maybe i'm crazy, but i consider it a really, really dumb idea to complain to the school's principal about your cooperating teacher. (i know, you didn't say you were thinking of doing this, but the person who commented last did mention it.) first of all, it would make the complainer sound like a tattle tale, the principal seem like an idiot for hiring the teacher in the first place, and would nix any chance of getting a positive recommendation from the CT, which is the #1 most important thing for first-year teachers in acquiring a job.
from dramabear :
do you work at a Catholic School? I'm sooo confuzel-ed? I thought you were very unreligious and all that jazz...hmm whatever...anywho can't you tell the Principal about CT? she seems like a horrid person and I know if she was my teacher I would want someone to speak up and get her fired. I've had teachers like that and worse, and they do not help you get the grades to go to a good school. Help the children Lisse! Get her canned! haha :) Sarah
from indigo-love :
yah!!! you're back!!! :)
from elvisload :
gah...I know dudes like that...borrriiinnggg...plus I bet he's always trying to poke it up your ass...lol...my posts here seem so one dimensional...
from smilefactory :
Congratulations teacher on getting those compliments! Makes it all worth it, doesn’t it?
from stunnedblond :
I'm so glad you are back! Sorry to hear that on-the-job stress is getting you down. Just remember that the job you are doing is one of the most important (and hopefully fulfilling!) Here I am trying to finish up my last year and a half of college...and I thought it would get easier after I graduated...you're definitely proving that I underestimated the post-college experience!
from chasha :
Wow. I've never heard of a high school with parent teacher conferences. But way to go with those freshmen! It's good she at least acknowleged to the parents that it was you who taught them.
from seven-point5 :
lisse, sometimes you are so porno it makes me blush!
from ashliana :
If lube is a problem regarding having sex with sam... why not just buy some? i always always use lube and it makes eeeeverythign SO much better. i suggest silicone lube--either eros or doc johnson's... astroglide is the worst, i'd say (it's not silicone, either). anyway...yeah. give that stuff a try adn foreplay won't be nearly as necessary and it'll probably just make everything easier, etc.
from dandelionkat :
Beautifully put...
from anabels :
You've just hit the good bit of the cynical "I would never have done that" stuff about people younger than you are. One of my colleagues keeps telling me I am getting old coz I complain about the people in my class who are 10 years younger than I am and haven't quite got their life to together. Then they do something considerate or put in the work to come up with something brilliant and I know I am doing the right thing slogging through two more post-grad qualifications to become a university lecturer. You have just shown part of what it takes to be a really superb teacher, along with the dedication and enthusiasm. Hope the end of your trainee stint goes well.
from dramabear :
I think EVERYONE just had a feeling not to take Lisse off their buddy list! I know I did! I was pleasantly surprised to see that you're back! I'm sorry the job's not the greatest, but it'll get better! Here's my number one tip: When you start your first teaching job, do NOT open with "This is my first day as a teacher! I'm so excited!" Especially if they're highschoolers! HAHA! Whatever happened over the summer, I'm sorry, it must've sucked, but although I don't believe in fate or destiny, sometimes life has a weird way of doing random shit. My first love and I broke up also, but now I get to really enjoy Senior Year of HS, which is good for me. I've also wanted to cry for the last two weeks! Def. PMSing, pissed off at the ex, friends, school, etc. . . I still sometimes just want to sleep and cry. But you know what? That's ok cause it makes me feel better, and this year is for me god damn't!! Keep up the writing, maybe I'll be better at adding entries now that I have a diary to read again! You should come read it sometime, I'll unlock it for a while. Yea for you coming back to Diaryland. We missed you! Sarah
from chasha :
It's good you told her though. Now at least she knows. Perhaps she'll intervene or change your placement. At any rate, she seems on your side, which is the important part. And you are absolutely right in complaining when you are not getting the proper experience. Whatever district you wind up working for will expect you to have had teaching experience, not making copies. Keep us updated as to what happens.
from ohh-lala :
oh god! we have thousands of ladybugs flying around too. i HATE them!
from inafunk :
*dances around your messy room chanting* We love you, we love you! *tripping on a shoe and landing flat on my face* I suppose I deserve that. :) On any account, glad you are back in action! Misses ya girl!
from chasha :
Don't worry, I unlocked it. More people were reading than I had thought, and I didn't have enough space to give codes to all of them. Welcome back again.
from chasha :
WELCOME BACK!!!! Glad to see your face again. Wow that teacher sucks. I honestly don't know what would be the best course to take when the prof is a bud of hers. Small town politics I guess. Is this the only teacher you get to student teach under? Also, my diary is temporarily locked. If you didn't get the passcode I sent you a few weeks ago, leave me a note and let me know. It should be unlocked soon, as soon as attention spans wander back away.
from crashintome :
i couldn't take you off my buddy list.. i knew you would come back =) yay
from light-switch :
aaaaaaaaand she's BACK!!! welcome back chica, you've really been missed. vent away! and get some fucking sleep.
from blondefox :
I've missed you x 54985749875. smooooches.
from bibliophilia :
I had nearly lost hope and taken you off my buddy list! *luv*
from sesomatto :
lisse's back!!! Oh, happy day!!! (yeah, you don't know me from Adam, but I loved your diary and was so sad mean people made you shut it down.) Sorry to hear about you and Kevin, how sad. But you have nice new worshiping guy who's got the same name as me, only a guy. So yay for that! Oh, please keep writing, I've missed your unique way of writing. It's always such a pleasure to read!
from blue-suede :
Wow, you're back! Yay! Also... very interesting changes. I'm sorry about Kevin, but it's really great that a) you found someone else and b) you're taking a new outlook on things. Please keep writing!
from tickle-me-bb :
I was keeping you on my buddy list as I had a feeling that you'd come back one day. I also am sorry to hear about Kevin, but I'm glad that you've found someone else.
from princessa007 :
Yay! Glad you're back! :-)
from someonelikme :
I'm so glad you're back!! I'm sorry to hear about Kevin, but it seems like it was for the best :-)
from katrina03 :
I've been waiting for this! I was just about to take you off my friends list, but now your back! I'm sorry about Kevin.
from ashendust :
Wow...you shock me on a regular basis. I'm glad your back, and I'm deeply sorry about Kevin.
from vegas-girl :
How funny, I was cleaning out my buddy list the other day but I just couldn't bring myself to remove yours even though you were gone. I'm glad I didn't!! Welcome back and good luck with your new love!!
from quarters :
woo-hoo! welcome back! i've been checking in from time to time to see if you'd returned, and finally it happened. yay. ...though personally i don't think you should have left to begin with...
from dandelionkat :
I am so glad you are back! It was so great to see your name in red on my buddy list. I am so glad to hear that you are doing better and glad things with Same are going so well!
from iss :
yay! i'm so fuckin' glad to see you back! :) ...maybe it'll give me a kick in the ass to come back too...lol. i'm happy for ya :)

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