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messages to manfromvenus:
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from stepfordtart :
dude - any ideas of a good place to start for a friend who just found out her partner cross-dresses. She is kind of OK with it but needs some help to understand. Appreciate any guidance you are able to give - thought of you straight away! Hope alls well with you and yours. love s x
from samcorday :
hey sweetie..where are u? no more new entries lately. everything ok?
from trapeze-act :
Yep, whole entries. I have no computer so this thing just gets overworked. Zoinks.
from buggerthat :
I've just started bottom-trawling DLand for interesting diaries. Yours just floated to the top. It's the cat's (oops) donkey's pyjamas.
from stepfordtart :
Hey! How was the interview? I got a day's trial with the mad old disorganised ladies on Tuesday. I dont know whether to be pleased or cry. s x
from samcorday :
hey......i haven't got on to your diary yet.i would so love to have a read. infortunately i'm having a problem posting stuff to my diary because of a stupid filter here at work. i work at a university and they try to censor what webpages the students go on here. so for the time being i'm just typing on notepad in hopes that i can post some time in the near future. so take care!! byeeeee :p
from manfromvenus :
Hahey... thanks Killsbury. I have previously been intrigued by your name, and done a bit of noseying of my own :)
from killsbury :
I am the one that was skimming through your entries though I'm sure Sitemeter has already outed me. I am far too lazy to stalk though, I have simply added you to my faves ;)
from fifidellabon :
I would totally message you any time except for that I am a Luddite (practically) and I just stick with the ancient and creaky e-mail. Thanks for that brilliant note. You have great perspective! XOFifi
from fifidellabon :
A champagne cage chair---absolutely brilliant! Thanks for the tip! XOFifi
from fifidellabon :
Why, it's "Protke" spelled backwards, of course! XOFifi Pee Es It is deffo good to have you back.
from annanotbob :
I'm very partial to Valium, but then I'm always up for a bit of a mind-altering experience, no matter where it comes from. I like your pictures. Do you read Ottodixless? He posted a pic of an anti-cult demo an entry back or so. xx
from annanotbob :
Thanks for the ipod tip and even more for phrasing it in language I can understand. Nothing doing, sadly. It doesn't say if it's a shuffle or anything, just has a picture of an apple and the word ipod. Apparently I can get an mp3 player for a tenner, which is probably the right amount for me to spend. Ta x
from annanotbob :
Thanks for the note - it inspired me to try and recharge the ipod and hey - it works!! You're probably right about the car too... xx
from becomingmoms :
I went on hiatus for awhile- S and I went up in the air over wedding or baby for about a week. Then she gave me her ultimate answer (I was definitely thrilled to get on with something! lol). I'm back up and running and baby plan is moving along. We've decided to "open" ourselves up to anonymous donors, but open identity donors will take the lead. Sorry for the absence! - L
from manfromvenus :
As part of our marriage preparation course, we were encouraged to write a list of the things that we love about the other person. We each wrote about six or seven things... and one of Vicky's complimentary things about me concerned a mushroom dish that I make for her. So I'm okay... but thank goodness for good fungi!
from fifidellabon :
Bah, you are no fixer-upper! Like I was trying to explain in Bluey's comments, look at you with all your wonderful qualities! But that doesn't mean that you are not a human. There are always little other things about a Sig Oth that can drive us bazoo. But if we had a list like Bluey's, it might remind us of all the good things that are present, that day-to-day can sometimes muddle a bit. This way we would not let the chaff oscure the grain. I think that women tend to be a bit fantasy -driven in the mating game and a practical grounding tool couldn't hurt. But I do feel strongly that Vicky must consider herself lucky! XOFifi
from annanotbob :
hello sweetie - I haven't yet read all of the current entry about LRon and his pals but I will. I want to make a proper response to it and my brain hurts right now. I've written a bit about nanowrimo today as a few people asked about it. And, I do think make-up on guys is hot, especially when applied heavy-handedly, like Mr Minchin. xx
from enfinblue :
Point taken (see below). You know, you're just about the best advice-giver ever. Maybe I do like engineers after all. :) I agree that supermarket flirting is quite benign, especially when done unintentionally. I want to tell you as well that I was interested in your recent note to Anna. It's quite interesting that you worked out the number of hours of writing per day that you would require to make 50,000 words. This type of calculation wouldn't have even crossed my mind, which is so fascinating given that I spend my days working out how much money and time and whatever else would be required to do this and that.
from manfromvenus :
I shouldn't have to read anything that doesn't suit my fancy? Well if you should ever find yourself in a time machine, with nothing to do for a few minutes, please pop back to 1983 and explain that to my English teacher. I know you're right, that I shouldn't feel the need to justify myself to strangers on the Internet... except that I'm trying to redress an imbalance, caused by the people I refer to as the Tranny Mafia. As such, I feel a need to talk about motivation quite a lot. (While hopefully showing that 98% of the time I'm really quite normal!) Thanks for stopping by, Bluey! xx
from enfinblue :
You know, I've been reading your back entries. Very interesting. And I should say that you really shouldn't feel any obligation to explain yourself to anyone online, or to read anything if it doesn't suit your fancy. :)
from enfinblue :
Thanks for your note(s). I am looking forward to reading your diary again tomorrow! :) Hope you are feeling less tired now. PS Nice to meet another non HR-type of person. :)
from manfromvenus :
That really shouldn't give me a warm, happy feeling... but it does!
from enfinblue :
Thanks! You're a doll!
from fifidellabon :
Don't forget Intercourse PA, Accident MD, Heck ND and Hell MI. Oh! and Truth or Consequences, NM...XOFifi
from manfromvenus :
You have to watch that you don't make failure a self-fulfilling prophecy. ("I'm no good at _____" is never a good way to think.) Although that doesn't mean you should feel obliged to do things that you hate. I fervently hope I have played my last ever game of soccer, for example. Urgh... what torture that was!
from enfinblue :
It's interesting to consider people in this way. It's funny though that I find my disadvantages to be so crippling that I doubt that the game would attribute the "correct" number of points to them. I mean, this sort of thing changes with your perspective. Most people would probably give me a higher point score for my net characteristics than I would. Hmm. Incidentally, I'm a Myers-Br!gg INFP. As I wrote in my notes section, this means that I'm basically doomed to never get anywhere. :)
from enfinblue :
You're very kind to reply to my whinging crap. :) I ultimately believe that you are correct. I tried a couple of clubs as well as a cycling class this last year and neither yielded any potentials. Volunteering is all girls and the friends I have met there have OK friends but no one who is both single and what I would call interesting. I'm just being impatient. It takes time. So...more clubs. :(
from enfinblue :
You're delightful! I'm reading V3rlaine's erotic poetry at the moment. Had I mentioned that? I'm really not impatient or boy-mad, as it might sound. I do hope that I will eventually meet someone and develop a lovely relationship. I have a great relationship with my friend Claus, but that is strictly platonic and ever will be. I suppose I'm just tired that life has rolled along and too many of my years have been spent without truly close company. :) But otherwise, it's all grand. I'm not the type to jump into things that don't make sense. Err...well I'm not so anymore.
from enfinblue :
You really are very kind - no need to bother with me or my silly moping. By the way, I'd love to read about your sculpting sometime. As for the iceberg theory: To be honest, when I first started to read it I thought you were referring to 90% of the individual male psyche being UNDER the water. My personal view is that this is true - that many men haven't bothered to do the self-examination (often not their fault, really) that would allow more than the superficial to be known. But maybe I'm overcomplicating things. As usual. At any rate, I do wish I knew even one man as entertaining as you in real life. Sadly, I don't.
from imonlyagirl :
thank you =)
from enfinblue :
You're lovely! And of course very funny! No one has the answer. There's simply something wrong with me. :) Your note to me a while back about you at one time wondering how you were supposed to get out and do stuff that other people seemed to be doing was very kind though. I'd love to know how you managed to move past that apartment hermit stage. :)
from manfromvenus :
I don't believe there's any such thing as a nice sports bra. Or at least, if there is... I haven't encountered it. Vicky's are all slightly baggy, almost comically substantial, and inevitably somewhat greyish. And... hamster sudoku is a lot kinder than hedgehog croquet, if nothing else.
from annanotbob :
Wow - timing, eh? I like the thought of us as evil twins, mwah ha ha etc. It has also occurred to me that I need to buy a sports bra - gulp. Nothing alluring about any aspect of that I'm afraid x
from annanotbob :
Very quiet over in post-trannyland. Hope all is well and that you write again soon. I've just about recovered from hamster sudoku... xx
from enfinblue :
Yes, I second Fifi's comment, too. Thank you! You have no idea what a contribution it is to have an amusing lad around the place! I do have antennae, by the way. :)
from fifidellabon :
Gad, how I've missed you! Grand having you back! XOFifi
from manfromvenus :
Hahaha. Woo!
from annanotbob :
xxx
from enfinblue :
I like you. You're quite delightful!
from enfinblue :
Don't have time to read fully right now, but just a note to say that I know that what I was writing about was different. Or at least that you would see it as different. I don't really see it as different. Honestly, I don't see why you shouldn't wear whatever you want, whenever you want. But that's just me. :) As for the roads: *We* have a misunderstanding! :) The spot that I was talking about was definitely not the most scenic in the world. It was just a location and a moment that gave me a feeling of peace that I have rarely experienced. Having said that, there are many gorgeous places that I have not seen but would like to see someday. :) Gotta run to work... Have a good one!
from manfromvenus :
True to her word, Anna posted words and pictures on the subject of men wearing dresses at the Big Chill. (Today's entry: August 13th 2008.) And very amusing it was too... especially StepfordTart's comment.
from annanotbob :
Hope you're having fun, but also hope you COME BACK SOON cos I miss you and want to tell you about all the men in dresses at the big chill. xx
from manfromvenus :
I agree with you, in that if the Novics have found something that works for them, that's good. I don't find anywhere in the book where it acknowledges that other people would have arrived at quite different solutions. What's sauce for the goose is sauce for the panda? And I have this nagging feeling that maybe Mrs. Novic is going along with it all "for the sake of the children"... Fortunately, it's none of my business!
from enfinblue :
I wish I could relate in some way, and thereby comment more effectively, but I can say that I find your forthrightness to be quite refreshing (e.g. in suggesting that there might be an element of irritation over someone else having his cake and eating it, too). I don't have any particular opinion on how other people ought to configure their marriages, but if it were me in that position I suspect I'd have a similar response to yours. Not sure. I tend to think that the most important thing in life with others and with oneself especially is honesty - likely why I am single :) - so if this is what this pair has found permits them to live happily together, then who am I to judge?
from enfinblue :
Very, very helpful. About the previous note: What I love about that lingerie is the colours. I also love traditional details. I actually have a whole bunch of old-fashioned slips that I like to wear with dresses - modern clothing I find is usually not well-made and lacks good lining.
from enfinblue :
What you wrote is very thoughtful. Thanks. :) It definitely helps to know that one is not alone.
from manfromvenus :
Thanks for the link. Sophie Simmons clearly has a gift for design; some of those things are lovely! Not necessarily somehting you're going to wear often, but the kind of thing every girl should have, I think. More practical stuff can also be nice - while it's new, anyway. I think most of us make our underwear soldier on a little too long. Especially when there's no partner around to say "What on Earth is this?" Victoria has shamed me into replacing most of my socks...
from enfinblue :
I thought that what you chose was lovely. Honestly. As for me, I haven't purchased anything yet, aside from a couple of serviceable bras. I might wait and buy when I am in Florence in September. I'm quite picky and I take my time when I spend my money. I've never purchased lingerie online and so don't know the best sites for purchases in NA. Not sure. :) I am a somewhat sporty girl when it comes to underthings, and also haven't had a boyfriend in a while, so I'm not much of an expert in this area. :( If I had my way I would probably buy stuff like this: http://dessousnyc.com/index.html. They used to offer service online but they have pretty much dismantled the website. :(
from manfromvenus :
Too many ladies allow their intimate apparel to degrade into baggy greyness. It takes a transvestite to set these people straight... delighted to be of serivce! But did you like what I chose for Vicky, I wonder?
from enfinblue :
Nooooo, you would never take the p_ss, would you? ;) By the way, I meant to pay you a compliment a week or so ago. You wrote about purchasing lingerie for your lovely lady. In the course of your critique of marketed lingerie, I actually started thinking of my own and was inspired to invest in some upgrades. Perhaps that's not the compliment that you would hope to receive, but I do think it wonderful to receive inspiration from a man on this front that is actually *usable*. :)
from manfromvenus :
Hottie McHot? Interesting. And Anna reported "feeling hot as hell, really sexy" when she did something similar. It doesn't necessarily have to be the start of anything weird... but you understand something of the feelings that unconventional clothing can bring. I think a key difference would be that you probably looked pretty damn good in your suits, whereas I look awful in drag. But c'est la vie.
from stepfordtart :
Haha! A Monty Python Fan! How Splendid! Thanks for the splendid essay, old chap. Most informative. You sure do know your subject. I wonder what was subconsciously on my mind when I wore my ex husbands outgrown suit to work back in the day, complete with loud tie and frillcuffed blouse. I just thought I was Hottie McHot. Maybe I had a hidden agenda. Anyways, thanks for doing the do. s x
from manfromvenus :
"What's this then? (reads...) Romanes eunt domus? ... People called Romanes, they go the house?" Okay Stepf., about the female transvestites: we'll make tomorrow Ladies' Day. I have begun the necessary research.
from stepfordtart :
Ah! I loves me some Latin (and I translated a fair bit of it before I got to the notes bit, so Nee NER!). Simple question: How common are female transvestites? Ive only ever known men. Never met a woman with an urge for the Calvin Klein boxers. Not being flippant, just truthful. Aside from the occasional 'for effect' suit wearing, it just doesnt seem to happen so much. Care to comment? s x
from manfromvenus :
The (sometimes erotic) urge to disguise strikes again! Costume is fun, and it always has been. Sometimes, you put on a persona along with the clothes, and that's got to be a good thing, in terms of broadening your outlook. Of course, you probably wouldn't have got beaten up for dressing like a man...
from annanotbob :
Reading your post just now brought up a memory from around 1980, I think. Wearing my brother's suit to a gig - Ian Dury perhaps, or The Beat - and feeling hot as hell, really sexy. Then along came Annie Lennox and the 'Sweet Dreams' video and it fell back into ordinaryness. Transgression, mmm.
from enfinblue :
Yes, I am amused by you. I love that full Mark Twain quote. :)
from manfromvenus :
Foiled again!
from annanotbob :
oxo
from enfinblue :
No worries. It is nice of you to comment. All welcome. My apologies for deleting the meat of the entry on which you commented. I suppose I could delete the comments. I'm really quite a fluffy diarist, so I am always surprised when someone reads anything that I write. Hmm...I could see how you might have more insight into how men behave. Funny about subtlety. I think that any grown woman would agree that subtlety - either giving or receiving it - is not the forte of many men. But then again, what do I know? I mostly spend my time trying to figure out how to do my work and yet keep my distance from them. ;-)
from manfromvenus :
Either I just got three kisses, or I just lost a game of one-dimensional noughts and crosses.
from annanotbob :
xxx
from manfromvenus :
But it's the pelvic thrust that really drives you insane?
from stepfordtart :
Seen the show several times, AND seen Nicholas Parsons in it, too! yay! He IS splendid! s x
from annanotbob :
I saw the Rocky Horror Show years ago.Walking into the theatre, perhaps over-prepared pharmaceutically, nearly died of shock when one of the 'mannequins' propped up awkwardly against the walls growled and leered at me... Safety in numbers - Ican't. wecan. x
from ten-oclock :
Bore my pants off? what?? you practically knock them off! I don't think anyone can say this is boring lol I learn so much from reading your diary. I think I'm going to go around checking everybody's ring and index fingers from now on. Some guys look fantastic as girls. A good number of supermodels were speculated to have been born male, like Cindy Crawford who does look sort of mannish. Androgen Insensitivity Syndrome -- something like that.
from manfromvenus :
Okie dokey. I won't... x
from annanotbob :
Don't even think of fucking off now... x
from fifidellabon :
I got a 0.98 which might explain about the chocolate. And oh yes, the "re" vs. "er". It still causes me pain whe I remember to write it "center" (ow!) not "centre" (gentle sigh). How about Phase/faze, its/it's, the reflexive "myself" used indiscriminately, rein/reign, site/sight....this list goes on. Yet I have been told that my American is deffo not spot-on and that my English as a whole is quite bizarre. Except that Anna said that it was 'idiosyncratic" which pleased me to no end. I was thinking of starting the town of "Idiosyncratia" or perhaps even a planet...XOFifi
from annanotbob :
Hello dearie - I'm camping in a friend's garden, so using her computer when she's in bed or (as now) at Tesco's. Thanks for being there - virtual friends make as much impact as fleshy ones, I find. xx
from manfromvenus :
Here's a quick explanation of the ring finger ratio thing, for anybody who is bemused... Higher exposure to testosterone during pregnancy has been linked to a longer ring finger. On average, womens' index and ring fingers are just about equal, measured from the tip (not including nail) to the wrinkle where the palm begins. Divide the length of the index finger by the length of the ring finger. Women, on average, score 1.00; average men score 0.96 - and I got 1.01... whoops!
from ten-oclock :
Hey MFV. This article is the most fascinating piece I've read in while. I always thought TVs were gay men who imitated women but never crossed past the line of wanting a sex change. I understand ya, me thinks. I always thought feminine things are more easier to admire than masculine things. I suppose if you were raised by misogynists, you wouldn't CD? Fascinating. That ring finger theory is interesting. So yours is short? My ring finger is longer than my index. Maybe it explains by I get turned on more by looking at women than men, even though I'm heterosexual. "Such intense feelings have become a little bit dulled by familiarity, in the years since." Probably if CD ever became mainstream, there would be no thrill anymore. Ok ok ok... I'll give you break, MFV. Let's talk about shoes and clothes lol This humidity is making me ditzy anyways. Fabulous essay. Really fascinating. Mind if I save it? I promise I won't sell it for money lol
from manfromvenus :
Adore? Gosh, that's a powerful word to use. Very kind of you! You've made me go all daft and smiley. Actually I thought today's (July 23rd) article was too long and too scientific... but I keep being asked all these deep questions! Now write something daft so I can have a laugh :)
from fifidellabon :
I simply adore your writing. You give me so much to think about! The "girls" here are mostly gay, but I wonder if I know any TVs that I don't know about. XOFifi
from annanotbob :
xxx
from stepfordtart :
hahahaha! You're winning so far, dude (she says, saying 'dude' in a non-offensive way!) And, Im not even IN fucking Man-fucking-chester yet! s x
from fifidellabon :
Well, now there is a strange thing. Ned has to have a chocolate infusion every day or he just isn't quite right. Me, I can take it or leave it, but then we each say that we are firmly in touch with our inner woman/man. Oh, cats, I had more to say but I am bleary-eyed with not-awake-ness, so I have forgetten what it was. XOFifi Pee Ess Like Stepfie, I'll send my exes and ohs where I will!
from manfromvenus :
Yeah, we'd say 'TV', or 'CD' for cross-dresser. Both of which normally refer to items of home entertainment, of course... it's all in the context. As for getting your fashion tips from a cross-dresser, why not? Some of them (I can't really say 'us') look fabulous... and they put a lot of thought into their outfits. Just avoid tranny makeup tips, unless you like to apply foundation with a trowel. And look after your feet, girl! There's only three things in life that I won't skimp on, and that's tools, luggage and footwear. It's false economy.
from ten-oclock :
oops! Wrong one. So I guess you are TV for transvestite? May I share a secret with you and the 831 people reading this note? I saw this TG girl so beautiful and feminine looking, I went out and bought the same belt she wore. Kinda silly but I felt so pretty. Maybe I feel like a transvestite? I gets tips from the TG community on how to feminize my body which is too waif-like. I gave it up. Wow so you have three cars eh? Spending money on them, complying with the law... see? they're like children. I got only a pair of feet to worry about. I can understand what you're saying about money's ups and downs. It's like a door of opportunity which could lead to you to both good and bad choices. I want to be the kind of millionaire with holes in my shoes.
from manfromvenus :
Careful with those acronyms, Ten-oclock! In the gender-confused community, 'TS' will normally be interpreted as 'transsexual' - indicating a person who feels entirely at odds with their birth sex, and seeks to permanently establish themselves as a person of the opposite sex, usually with medical assistance. That ain't me. Once again... give me a day or two and I'll try to clarify my position.
from ten-oclock :
Hi Man From Venus. I see that you have a wife and girlfriends in the past, which makes it more perplexing than transgenderism, yet more intriguing. Wikipedia defines TS as "erotic urge to disguise" but I see that you've had the urges since age six, so do you think TS transcends pubescent awakenings? Or it is just a fantasy element, not an identity issue? Where do you think it comes from? Come to think of it, I don't think the media has anything to do with it. I believe there is a reason and a greater meaning to our fixations. If it makes you happier and truer, then I high five you all the way!
from manfromvenus :
More questions, ten-oclock? Then hit me with 'em. You have no idea how hard up I am, for subject matter in the days to come.
from manfromvenus :
In the fourteen years since the Bill of Rights was first published, I wonder how its author and her husband have fared. I have no idea, unfortunately... but perhaps somebody will enlighten me at some point in the future. I also wonder how Frances Fairfax would chose to amend the Bill, today. xx
from ten-oclock :
Wow I expected a note but I got an essay! Very interesting points. It takes you two days to write it, but it will take me weeks to digest it. lol As you've pointed out, the women today have control over their own money. They are the largest consumers too. Perhaps it's the psychology of marketing, to show women as winners over men. I appreciate your thoughtful response. I also got a few more questions. Sorry! They don't have courses in Tranvestitism in schools.
from stepfordtart :
I think Frances has some issues. I think Frances is not 'alright with it'. But then, what do I know? s x (I also dont care too much about who I send kisses to! *waves to lovely Anna*)
from manfromvenus :
That document about rights was a bit of a trudge, wasn't it? And I always worry that we spend too much time establishing rules, rather than creating a culture within which the underlying problems wouldn't exist. And Loretta in 'Life of Brian' is a very apt choice to illustrate the point, of course. Thanks x
from annanotbob :
It does sound grim, all that, such joyless hard work for all concerned. I also wonder about all this 'rights' stuff - writing it down or saying it doesn't make it any more likely to happen, just gives us lots more to feel aggrieved about. Also made me think of Loretta in Life of Brian. I really appreciated your note the other day - maybe only yesterday - time is a bit weird. I nearly sent my usual 'xxx' which means 'thanks, I liked what you said, can't articulate anything at the moment, but want you to know I read it.' Then got in a nutter's panic of 'oh my god he's a straight (ish) man - you can't go sending kisses, entirely inappropriate.' But for future ref, that's what they'll signify. Thanks for the earworm explanation too - paranoia is only ever moments away.
from annanotbob :
Ta x
from stepfordtart :
Hahaha! He sure stayed a long long time over here - my sitemeter's not as cool as yours but I can tell a fucking great spike in my daily hits when I see one! Send em all over - Im a hit-whore! s x
from annanotbob :
Hove seafront... drove along it yesterday...
from manfromvenus :
Gulp. Like I said, Ad-land isn't the real world... but spare a thought for the disaffected male, maybe at university age now, who grew up amid Girl Power, the Women In Science & Engineering initiative, positive discrimination... in terms of growth and progress, males are stagnating. (No, I don't think Lad Mags are any kind of answer.)
from annanotbob :
'...wives getting more than their fair share of things...' Hmm. You may have to watch it, girlie. I'll be back...
from stepfordtart :
Everyone likes being called dude by middle aged ladies. Dont they? : ) Anyways, very interesting essay. One day, when I have stopped rabbiting about sequins and drinking whisky outta the bottle, I shall wax similarly lyrical on the subject of women "having it all" and what a fucking stupid idea it is. Ive also got a fair bit to say on how 'liberation' is its own slavery. s x
from manfromvenus :
It's going to just be a Volcano Lair if you keep telling everybody about it, Fifi!
from fifidellabon :
I'll bet that it is because of the Secret Volcano Lair! XOFifi
from manfromvenus :
I'm sure some trannies wouldn't want to be called 'dude'... but I'll accept that in the spirit it was intended. I'm reckon everyone has some unhappy memories to live with, one way or another. And I'll stop being a drama queen now. Thanks, Stepfordtart.
from stepfordtart :
'What doesnt kill us, makes us stronger' and all that bollocks. Kudos to you for telling, dude. s x
from manfromvenus :
Thanks Fifi. (Isn't she nice?) I think there's a danger of blaming too many of my shortcomings on this event in my past, however upsetting it was. I don't want to build this up into a 'Poor Me!' drama, nor use it as an excuse. But as a small part of my biography of a transvestite, I wanted to say that I sometimes think there might be a link between that day and my liking for underwear with lace and little bows - something which is all too rare in the menswear section at Next.
from fifidellabon :
Oh, that is just too bad! The Mum in me wants to track down that beast (apologies to all beasts for the slur) and punish him appropriately, whatever that may be. I don't think that you were picked for any specific reason other than that he thought that he could get away with it. That may or may not have anything to do with reality. In my really rahther limited knowledge of bullies/abusers I have never really been more certain of that, that the victim (and I do hate that word, I just don't have another at the mo') is chosen for the ease and ability of perpetration. Granted, there are other more high profile reasons (see: JonBenet etc.) but really, I must assure you in any way that I can that this was in no way your fault. I don't think that it had anything to do with your reasons, in essence, I don't think that it was because you were more feminine or anything. Pee Ess I just KNOW we'd be friends in real life! And I do actually have a Secret Volcano Lair...Pee Ess Twice, very ballsy of you to be able to tell. So many are unable, and unable to move on...
from manfromvenus :
Ten-oclock asked about the media's portrayal of women, as desirable yet unobtainable. I think that's going to need quite a big answer. As such, I'm going to make it the theme for an article, to be posted in a day or two.
from manfromvenus :
Hahaha. Why does that make me feel so happy? Thanks, Anna.
from annanotbob :
Hugs, honey-bun
from ten-oclock :
Hi! me again. Your note below is picking my brain. I really want to understand Tranvestitism. Soooo.... do the you think the media fueled the image of Woman into something very desirable yet unattainable so that it gives the image power? I think the sexy woman is seen as a very powerful symbol (well depends if you're a feminist or not lol). About one of your entries, it must be tough growing up around macho boys. I find very macho men have a lot of insecurities to hide. You write so eloquently! oh and I think you should give my husband shopping tips. He picked out a moo moo for me last time lol
from stepfordtart :
Nice stuff! Obviously not enough sequins or gigantic wobbling diamante butterflies with maribou wings for my tastes, but otherwise fabulous. My husband is similarly enamoured of all things lingerie, but not on him. He has 40,0000 pairs of identical green boxers. Heehee. s x
from manfromvenus :
Oh. I'm an idiot. I see 'cast' is a link I acquired, by default, as part of my template. I'll have to add a cast page then, I guess!
from manfromvenus :
Stepfordtart is very cool. I'm deligthed to have made a new Diaryland friend. But what is a cast page? (In the style of Ferris Bueller's Day Off: Anyone? Anyone?)
from stepfordtart :
Hey! Thanks for your note - where did you find me? Through Anna? Or just random clicking? I shall add you if thats OK, if nothing else you'll always get a non-judgemental response from the writer of this: http://stepfordtart.diaryland.com/080319_24.html (if you feel like reading!). Tried to get to your cast page but it wasnt working - is there another way to find out who's who? s x
from fifidellabon :
I had meant to add you already, but I finally did! You cold fish, you! (Couldn't resist!) xoFifi
from manfromvenus :
Okay, maybe that was harsh. Although I've heard things such as alcoholism described as a disease... and how does that work? I mean, can you catch it?
from annanotbob :
An addiction, a disease or a mental illness? Blimey.
from manfromvenus :
Be a woman? Not exactly. Even if she were 100% realistic, the transvestite's woman-in-the-mirror isn't really somebody you'd want to be all the time. (For one thing, she's a bit of a slut, in my experience.) Also, where's the fun in being a woman, if real women think a bra is an uncomfortable necessity, and that stockings and a suspender belt are impractical? Which they are... but that's all part of the fascination.
from ten-oclock :
I think I understand transgenderism never really understood transvestism. Wow I never thought men want women so much they want to BE them. I read somewhere that the most attractive men have feminine features. Maybe you are ahead of our evolution plan. Marmite sounds like something that will scare away not only mosquitos but people too.
from manfromvenus :
I replied to BM's message on her own notes page, observing that drag queens aren't exactly transvestites. It seems a shame to subdivide ourselves into smaller and smaller groupings, though. There are enough hatemongers who aren't interested in such subtle distinctions.
from becomingmoms :
i think the oldest queen i know is a drag performer named glenda here in pennsylvania. granted, i don't know if glenda considers herself transgender or gender queer or nothing more than a performer who found a role she enjoys, but she's in her 60s at least. most likely more. she is at every pride in my area, even after supposedly retiring. most of the "female illusionists" i have seen are much older, perhaps this is a geographical thing? i know some only dress as a woman on stage while others carry it into every day life. that's an interesting dynamic, maybe all the older trannies jump ship and retire in the states!
from manfromvenus :
Wow, that was a stream of consciousness, Anna! But I follow you. The first in connection with today's entry, and the rest in reply to my note on your pages :) Eddie Izzard... tranny royalty. Or at least an executive transvestite. You can't help but admire him! (Well, I can't.)
from annanotbob :
Yeah - Eddie Izzard hardly ever seemed to dress up much, once he'd established that he could and people would still love him. Gardening is about creating somewhere beautiful to sit and relax in, I reckon. If you want to. Not about what anyone else thinks. Rabbits are pretty good at clearing things back - you could get a goat to deal with anything left over...
from manfromvenus :
She's right, you know. "Be a member of the family without being consumed by it." A lot of us can benefit from that advice, both in our real family, and those that we choose to join. In fact, that's probably the most important lesson I learned today.
from becomingmoms :
it's important to be successful in what your heart desires, not what other's desire of you. you're representing yourself, not a whole community. those of us in the "queer" community, commonly feel we have to represent whatever "order" we're from. i fall into this sometimes too, but it's so important to be a member of the family without being consumed by it. you did what your soul needed to be happy, while others may need to ride on a float and wear sparkles everyday around every person. I loved what you said about different levels! That was brilliant :)
from enfinblue :
Thanks, manfromvenus. I'm quite interested in your diary, so I'll be mining your archives a la Fifi. Yes, applying for jobs is a painful exercise. I dislike it so much I'm surprised that I even have one. :)
from manfromvenus :
'I just read you entirely,' Fifi says. No doubt unaware that, in the transvestite community, 'getting read' means being spotted as a fake female. Failing to 'pass' while out in town. It made me smile, anyway!
from fifidellabon :
Oh, yes, that was me all right. I'll be back. I'm quite certain! /Fifi
from annanotbob :
Thanks for the comment. Writers write - that's been my motto for years - I didn't know it came from a film. This will sound boastful, but it's the truth - I was scared to re-read my first drafts of novels (three so far) because I assumed they'd be awful, but in fact I was thrilled to find they were better than I'd dared imagine. I have even had a meeting with an agent, in a brief interlude between episodes of bonkersness. It's the structure of the things that I need to work on and I find that very hard - seeing where it flags etc. I'd have a look at your old stuff - I'll bet you'll be pleasantly surprised.
from annanotbob :
Blimey - seeing the gang all gathered here has made me lose my thread. I loved your last sentence, ' a uniquely personal equilibrium'. I think that's the crux of it. I was a diehard feminist when I had my kids, first two daughters, 1978 and 83, no problem. I never ever said to them ,'You can't do that because you're a girl.' Then 1984, a son and bloody hell, masculinity is 'policed' with a vigour that had never occurred to me. We were skint so we all had long hair, no problem with that. He could have a ponytail, but not dangly beaded hair clips. Playing with toy animals is OK, but not dolls, apart from Action Man. Nasty comments were incurred, or the assumption that he was a girl. Then he noticed at the age of about two and a half that although we all had trousers, he didn't have any skirts. 'Where's my skirt, Mummy?' Tricky. Meanwhile they all went to this mad dance/theatre thing at the community centre and put on a show twice a year. We had a massive dressing up box of costumes. Without exception, every boy who came to play wanted to wear the slinky nylon 'girls' costumes - quite right too as they weren't allowed to wear that kind of fabric. This is what has sparked my interest in gender. We won't know what men and women really are until we let them grow up without policing their gender. That's what I like about your diary - you're not spouting off received wisdom but exploring how it really is for you. Now I'm off to re-read your comment on my diary as I've forgotten what I was going to say.
from fifidellabon :
AH, THAT's the film!! I remember!!! I was thinking it in Dustin Hoffman's voice, but yes, there it is. Thanks a mil! xoFifi
from fifidellabon :
I just read you entirely! Brilliant! A sane approach. Good job! xoFifi
from manfromvenus :
Answered that on Fifi's notes page, if anybody else is interested. Anna seems to have caused some new readers to come my way... which is all good!
from fifidellabon :
OH! I remember that quote "A writer writes. Always." But I can't remember the film. Was it "Author, Author?" Will you tell me which one, please? Thanks! /Fifi Pee Ess I found you from Anna's notes. Comments. Look, Bluey's been here as well!
from manfromvenus :
I love to get mail, but this... this is just baffling. Imagine finding somebody standing on your doorstep as you go to leave the house, and they say "Yes?"
from enfinblue :
ACK Sorry! *I* got the wrong person. Silly me.
from enfinblue :
Hey, you got the wrong person! Cheers!
from annanotbob :
Hello - still here, still really appreciating your honesty. You inspire me to continue to try and be as honest as possible about my mental health stuff. I think I'm building up to an essay-type diary entry about gender - I've thought and studied about it a lot and it's far too complicated to do justice in notes. I hope your story arrives in a good place now. Best wishes
from manfromvenus :
You weren't rude... and I agree with you. The test is far from perfect. Perhaps I can find a better one that suits the population as a whole? This may be a subject for a future diary rant: transgendered people, for all their efforts to be inclusive, are among the most sexist I've encountered. Who else would think: 'Time to tackle some housework... I know, I'll dress up as a French maid!' As if males don't (or shouldn't) push a vacuum cleaner around.
from annanotbob :
I'm sorry - I was rude last night. I intended no disrespect to you. There's just something a bit scary about questions about directional hearing and language ability on an inventory that is part of a process that MAY lead to surgery. It seems such a crude, blunt method of determination, when what's going on is far more complex and subtle than that. My apologies for butting in so rudely.
from annanotbob :
It made me too cross to get very far with that inventory.
from annanotbob :
Aw man - don't get me started on gender. The professionals would be a lot more plausible if notions of masculinity and femininity were either constant or reality-based, but as they're neither we're all fucked up. I'm gonna see if I can find that inventory and have a go. I've often wondered if I'm a gay man trapped in a woman's body...
from annanotbob :
Hiya - thanks for the add and the note. Fuck Leonard Cohen - bastard. I'm not always as miserable and self-pitying as at present. Sometimes it's worse... not really. I really do find your writing interesting - I've been bemused by the whole gender thing since having a son. I even started a Phd in masculinty studies, but gave up when I couldn't get a tutor. All the best x
from manfromvenus :
Welcome to my diary... take two. I made a real mess of the original one, playing around with templates and 'weblog style'. I salvaged all the older entries and pasted them in here... but the notes are gone. So post a new one, and say hello!

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