DiaryLand members area

Diaryland must be double-wrapped in super-density aluminium, since I failed to notice your update earlier. But, BOG, really, you were living in a fantasy world if you ever thought cotton would be around when you were old and grey, or blue, or cerise, or whatever the fashion was back in the day. Didn't you realise that all available soil would, long ago, have been utilised for growing biofuels purely for the 'Great and the Good' to power their F5-Hovercopters? Also, I have to contradict your view on 'Arseless leather trousers': I believe they do have a future - on the right person.

from portlypete :

So glad you're posting again - really!

from portlypete :

"I'm so glad you think the human race will make it that far", said Eeyore. Having so many e's in my name, I was hoping someone (portly) would post about <b>exponential</B> population growth, and how we would possibly be able to cultivate enough honey for the bees to nurture poor Pooh, and his poohlets, and all his bunny friends *sob* etc into the future. Seems like it's a hopeless case. Humans will obviously have procreated themselves into oblivion by then, so it's up to me to sort things out...... OMG! ..."End of the road. Nothing to do, and no hope of things getting better. A.A Milne was so very perceptive: "Everybody crowds around so in this Forest. There's no Space. I never saw a more spreading lot of animals in my life, and in all the wrong places."

from portlypete :

Skipping the year of the horse, when you were regrettably absent, welcome to the year of the sheep / ram / whatever. Good to find you back, even though I've, more or less, packed in diary entries (much to most people's relief), since I now have better things to do. I did try to find a risqué fish related pun, but "Big Head" and "Bone Fish" seemed far too contrived. I would, however, recommend a smooth (yet robust) Italian with a long, lingering finish to accompany the meal. p.s. That screen-play / award-winning novel isn't finished yet then? p.p.s I hope the family is doing well.

from spiralish :

You're welcome, and don't worry about not responding sooner. :)

from spiralish :

I am neurotic/paranoid, so naturally I assumed that you "must" be someone I used to know whose nickname was Marzipan. I am delighted that you cannot possibly be, and also that you are articulate and witty and even vaguely local. Also: trying to knock some sense into myself. Again. Love the ants :)

from kabukicharms :

I still occasionally peek in to read peoples journals, all creepy stalker like MWA-HA-HAA! Life just kinda rolled over me and a lot happened in a very short span. Eventually I'll come back to DL and post about it.

from portlypete :

We have driverless trains on a small part of London's rail network but, I think I'm correct in saying that, they still have to have a man sitting at some dumb-terminal just in case something goes wrong. Elsewhere on the underground network, the drivers are earning ... stand by with a tissue 'cos this will make your eyes water ... over 48,000 GBP a year compared to an average (including the bankers - I guess) of about half that! And much of the network would run just fine without a driver anyway. Our much revered ex Prime Minister (Mrs T) managed to finish off the print unions (which would have been a good thing if that nice Australian Murd0ch hadn't cosied up to her and grabbed all the rich pickings); she also beat the coal-miners into submission, which was (arguably) not such a smart move given our current dependance on foreign fuel, but the rail transport network seems to have got off quite lightly, and we are all still paying the penalty. The rail unions have our Eton-educated Prime Minister over a barrel. Maybe it's a public-school thing - submitting, with your arse in the air! Either which way, travelling one stop on the tube will cost you well over four pounds (cash)! Oh, and you will probably have to stand, wedged tightly between some smelly bloke with a ruc-sack and an oik wearing chinky-chink earphones. Money well spent I'd say.

from portlypete :

Please sub the first sentence of my previous message so it makes some kind of sense.

from portlypete :

Coveting asses comes by rule six, and you and I both know that "there is no rule six". Anyway, that's covered under rules 3, 5 and 7, which state "no poofters". However, there have been occasions when I've strayed from the straight and narrow and wandered towards the rather curvier and wider. Otherwise, I'm good - thanks for asking - and saving up to buy your debut novel from <strike>Amazon</strike> a reputable bookstore.

from portlypete :

Your entries make soooooo much more sense over on that squiggle site. Traitor!

from portlypete :

I was going to post a note about your bug problem, but typed cockcrotch by mistake. That's the way my mind works I'm afraid.

from portlypete :

So, there I was, browsing DLand because .. well, the reason is too obscure and sad to go into here, when I spotted you had recently made a "public entry"! Since I only pass by this way every third blue moon, I was overjoyed to discover some new updates. Now I know what you have been up to all this time - but you can make beautiful babies and use a keyboard at the same time you know. Well, OK, not exactly at the same time, but within a reasonable time-frame. BTW, I would have fixed your plumbing for the air-fare plus parts.

from dangerspouse :

HAPPY FACE EMOTICON! (Did you ever find that 30cm cake pan?)

from portlypete :

Are you a best-selling author? Are you in the process of negotiating a deal on your first screen-play? I BET YOU ARE! If so, pleae let people who care, know about it. If not that goes a long way to explaining the paucity of first-class films right now.

from portlypete :

I am sharpening a very large stick to poke you with! I may have to resort to Class Z drugs if I don't get a Marzipan fix soon. Update, Update,Update,Update,Update,Update,Update,Update,Update,Update,Update,Update,Update,Update,.. Oh! Damn, my "V key" has stuck, and that's never good.

from portlypete :

from kabukicharms :

I imagine lute playing raconteurs telling stories to children about Trackworks and its unicorn killing powers. "And so it came to pass children, that with the founding of Trackworks the noble unicorn slipped into the realm of myth. Just as the mighty dragon had when Amway came into being, and the way that Microsoft spelled the griffin's demise. But, perhaps it was for the best young ones, for it was a stupid animal anyway."

from kabukicharms :

My dear friend Lu was unfortunately here in Texas during your whole ordeal. Normally its like a billon and two degrees but for some reason we�re currently all freezing. He decided he wanted margaritas at the beach. Bastard. While I hate margaritas, I do love the beach in winter, and he was nice enough to buy me a hot toddy so I guess we�re square. I informed him about your pool suffrage but he said he would get around to it after January, and that honestly its an above ground pool how hard can it be. He then made a salmon tartare and a pitcher of mimosas.

from kabukicharms :

If I learned anything from your post it is that the reason you haven't been on DL is because apparently you've been riding around non stop on a train. Which will teach me never to nap off and miss my stop. Happy Holidays!

from portlypete :

So what ever happened to the "free woman"? Anyhoo, I thought I'd wish you a fantastic Crimble, although how you can enjoy Christmas without snow, and with all that nasty HEAT is beyond me. How does Santa cope? Why doesn't Rudolf expire from heat exhaustion? BBQed turkey - no! BBQed sprouts - even less so. I'll stop there, because I just composed a para about the 'Parsons Nose', which is probably (a) incomprehensible, and (b) obscene. Have an even better 2011.

from portlypete :

What better way to make your commute more bearable than composing diary entries. You should totally go for the stand-up - what's the worst that can happen? Total public humiliation. Not a funny person - don't you read your own diary? ........ I was involved, recently, in a stand-up comics competition (in an extremely peripheral way), but I did notice that the ones who bummed most completely were the 'comics' who relied on foul language and explicit sexual material. Not that you would (?).

from portlypete :

pps I hate the way all white space gets expunged from messages: they get squeezed 'til they resemble a train that's just over-run the buffers at high speed.

from portlypete :

I'm still catching up. There have been 'red rod' moments in my life (we're still talking cars here), when a pair of plastic poo catchers could have come in very handy. - I too have a file of felines that processes through my front garden on a regular basis. But they have a definite purpose, which is not entirely unrelated to the previous para. - Now I come to think of it - Toilet Training Pants for Cats! And I have the perfect jingle ... - The cat shat on the mat Wait while I get a bat I'll knock you sideways into a cocked hat - you brat Take that! and that! and that! Oh look, pussy's completely flat. (ps Cats can be cute in the right place - I'm not saying where that place is, but it sure as hell isn't my lawn).