messages to mspsyched1:
(click here to add new message):

from aryssa90 :
yeah sure! it's aryssa90 and the pass is locked20 hope you're doing well and you start writing more :)
from raven72d :
i've never been to California. i'm a New kid--- New Orleans, New Haven, New York. But Baltimore is scary--- live where you feel at home, where you can look out the window and say that this is your city.
from aryssa90 :
married is never ever ever good. And a man who says he is "in the process of divorcing" but who still lives with his wife is NOT going to leave her. And a man who's supposedly in the process of divorcing his wife would TELL you. You deserve more than a man who isn't even upfront with you i the beginning. Look for the warning signs. Have you ever been to his house? Have you met his family and friends? You've been seeing him since September, you should have by now. And most divorces (if they are amiable) take about six months to be finalized so...when is this process going to be over with? Make the right decisions in your life, do you really want to be the other woman? Because chances are that;'s what you'll be and you'll end up 2,3,4,5 years from now, still alone with a man who is still int he "process" of divorcing his wife. Of course there are always exceptions but too often women believe they are the exeption when really, they're just another example of the rule. I don't mean to be harsh but I've seen this before and it never ends good. You deserve more. meet his family, meet his friends, go to his house. If you have to, get ahold of his wife somehow. Just be sure.
from raven72d :
i'm always glad to see your entries, but i do hope things go better...
from bludragnfly :
I haven't written since 2006 but logged in tonight to look back at my life before.... I remembered that I loved reading your posts. I'm sorry to see you are in pain. I am too. Hope you are doing ok. Somehow it always turns out ok eventually. Hang in there. <3
from starkitten01 :
Thank you so much for the birthday wishes. I sincerely hope that you had a nice one. : )
from thelongreign :
you are stating that you're still going to email him? It sounds like things have ALREADY changed, that you would feel the need to state such small and normal activities. Trace, it's like you anticipate them walking out the door before they ever have a chance to DO so. Just breathe and stop trying to control everything. Like it or not, you can't. Hard fact of life, trust me I know...but if you don't learn to breathe and be you're going to spend a lot of time letting go. Stop trying to anticipate everything. Stop trying to "guard" yourself "in case" -- it doesn't help you in the long run, and only acts to push people away. SO BREATHE damn it!!! love you
from silverluna :
Wow I've had that song in your May entry in my head for a few days. I was thinking of singing it in karaoke. How's are you?
from giannarazi :
Sad to hear it didn't work out, but at least now you know and caught it in time. Caught it before it got too bad and in too deep. Go you!!
from raven72d :
glad to hear the year is starting well.
from thelongreign :
No phone?? Or maybe doesn't want his wife or girlfriend to track his calls/texts?? Sounds weird
from thelongreign :
it's funny how you and i have so many parallel's within our lives -- the guy i am dating right now is a lot heavier than I usually would date -- it just makes me more self conscious about MY weight -- but here's the thing....he's amazing. And it's still early -- but it's already one of the best relationships i've EVER had -- and I've had a lot of them. Because his personality, how he treats me, and the fact that he IS an attractive guy -- is enough for me. If you can't get over it, you can't. Nothing you can do about that -- but if you can -- it might be worth it.
from thelongreign :
you sound so calm in your words. this pleases me
from neangel :
lady... how dare you privatize your shiznit without telling me the password!!
from thelongreign :
i say go. i say go and have the best time ever. i say go and bring your mp3 player and a good book and don't speak to him. pretend he's a stranger sitting next to you. go go go
from aryssa90 :
hey :) can i have the password and username? thanks :)
from thelongreign :
it didn't alert me that you'd noted me back. so lame -- just wanted to say a) pw? :( and b) babe, I sure know you aren' "other woman" material -- and I was pretty sure that you knew it too ;)
from thelongreign :
I get that you thought you were giving him an 'out' -- and that a call would have been nice -- but if someone said to me "if you aren't coming back, that's fine...just tell me" I'd think that they didn't much care WHAT I did -- why should I care if they are waiting for me? One of my best friends says that to peole a lot then gets sooo upset when they don't call -- and it is respectful to let someone know what's going on -- but maybe he really thought you didn't much care either way?
from xxholding-on :
hey i saw you were online and i really wanted the vote from diaryland members towards an art contest i joined. It's a coach marketing contest and i need as many votes as i can get, please help! http://www.brickfish.com/Pages/PhotosAlbums/PhotoView.aspx?picid=975395_34070543&pid=2767347&scid=452 ps- love your diary layout
from starkitten01 :
It really meant a lot to me to get your note and birthday wishes, thank you :) I hope things are well with you. Wish I had better news in my diary lately. *Sigh*
from thelongreign :
i'm really glad you're happy. but me being me, I couldn't let this go without saying it Trace...It's great that he's giving you attention and you enjoy it...but I wonder where his wife thought he was...and how she'd feel to hear him call you pretty green eyes.
from thelongreign :
yeah my husband used that "just roommates" line too -- i dont buy it until i hear it from the wife
from neangel :
i just wandered around the 'central' market which is an overpriced costco sized tj's but triple the price. my favorite stuff (only buying one of each: cheese, wine, bread, cran-apple chutney, ya know my night time me essentials) cost me around $80 & it's just one small bag of stuff that will last half a night! even tho no shiraz, i'm forever jealous!
from aryssa90 :
you do seem like a very nice person and i dont want to over step my bounds but...doing something genuinely nice for someone without any thought of what youll get out of it doesnt necessarily mean monetarily. It could be listneing to your friend vent, picking them up, giving them a ride etc. When you paid for dinner the other night (im assuming it was the first time) it should have been the last time for awhile. Ya'll should go dutch, or he could pay then you pay, trade off. Don't let these guys use you, theres a difference between being nice and being used.
from raven72d :
hope things are going well...
from aryssa90 :
good luck tomorrow! I bet youll do great!
from aryssa90 :
thanks for the note! it measna lot knowing someone is actually reading this thing. I love the vids you put at the end of your entries, and did you get a new layout? The green eyes are pretty. Yeah...everyhting on the list is pretty easy to get through, except the dieting. Hope youre well, glad things are getting better for you :)
from neangel :
hey babe, you're the one that's not working so you should not be the one that's driving all the way to his place - you don't need to be wasting gas for his ass! doesn't even sound like he's worth the once a week thing. You can do better & you should!! miss you darlin! xoxox
from giannarazi :
Just to let ya know I'm sending out a small letter tomorrow, so you should get it by Saturday or Monday.
from raven72d :
missed you... though i must say your weekends are more exciting than mine.
from silverluna :
so you started going out with your old friend? sorry i have to catch up. :)
from aryssa90 :
hey :) i just started reading your diary. im glad things are going well for you. and at least you have your Goose... :)
from starkitten01 :
Your entry from 2/11, wow, I've been here exactly 7 years as well! And much like you, I *also* don't 'know' that girl that was writing here so many years ago! I've actually reflected on that quite a bit over time.. I can't wait to hear how your weekend and Vday goes, I hope it's a wonderful one and he sounds like a good guy :-) <3
from la-blue-eyez :
I am so excited for you! He sounds awesome.
from starkitten01 :
Omg-- the wiping the feet on the carpet thing. I'm appalled FOR you! I am hoping things get better in your new home as time goes on :-)
from giannarazi :
I want your new mailing address.
from raven72d :
I hope your Year Nine goes well...
from silverluna :
I just read your entry. Yeah it is a weird place to be. I'm still in that position, not wanting to show this new guy my feelings. I just came out of a 3 years relationship. I was almost going to get married to the other guy. So I'm trying to be more cautious. But what you have sounds nice. It sounds good. The thing that surprised me though is the thing about marriage. For me it was difficult to promise that. Maybe I'm afraid of commitment. I still don't know if I made a good or a bed decision. But the guy in Texas is hurting, and so am I. I did want to marry him, but at the same time I didn't...I don't know where I'm going here...
from silverluna :
It fell into place. It's different though because we act like friends more around people than when we're alone. We don't want too many people knowing. But I've been friends with him for 10 years, and I haven't seen him for 3 years. So that made a difference. If I were to see him all the time before we started a relationship I think it would make it weird.
from silverluna :
I was the same way. I had so many guy friends back then. It's funny how now I'm dating one of those guys...
from raven72d :
Happy belated birthday! I hope October goes well for you.
from neangel :
awwww! time wounds all heals!! i just got internet & i VOW to start updating regularly again!! this time i have no reason not too!! i miss you! did you go see jen!? i really want to take a trip to cali - my bf steve is getting married to his partner on the 14th of sept & i found a ticket to sandy eggo for a lil more then 200 bucks but it's all a matter if i can afford it this paycheck. if i do we're soooo getting together for a night of wine & movies! i don't care about anything else!! lol keep in touch & i promise to do the same. xoxox
from starkitten01 :
It's comforting to know I'm not alone, and someone else truly *gets* what I'm feeling.. Though at the same time I *am very* sorry to hear that you've gone through it, yourself :-( I know how it feels, and how tough it is :-/ Thank you for sharing yours with me, I apprecite it! You hang in there, too. *BIG HUGS!*
from raven72d :
How have you been?
from thelongreign :
"drunk words speak a sober heart" ... I don't think you can say you don't mean what you said as you justify why you said it. It sounds very much like you meant it. I think a more accurate description is that you didn't mean it as an INSULT. Truth is truth. She makes out with guys. Nothing wrong with that if it's what 'makes her happy.' So maybe you should explain to her that what you said wasn't an attack...but more the truth that you blurted out while drunk. I mean, maybe she's so mad because you struck a nerve. And maybe her behavior doesn't so much 'make her happy' as it does make her feel bad about herself? I mean lets face it Trace...people living in glass houses shouldn't throw stones...we have ALL been there. And maybe you should point that out to her. That you've had your moments...and it's just life. You don't think she's a bad person or what not...you're just stating the facts. lol
from giannarazi :
Wonderful news all around. Definitely take the time for yourself and your health. *Hugs*
from starkitten01 :
Congrats on getting your old job position back! :-) Also, I can COMPLETELY understand why you prefer single.. I actually felt like I was reading one of my OWN entries! I couldn't agree more.. Silence IS golden! I MISS it..
from raven72d :
congrats on the job...
from raven72d :
do update...
from neangel :
Wow darlin. I'm sorry to hear about everything that's been happening. that guy sounds like a douche rather then a good guy. no respectful man would pull what that ass did.
from raven72d :
You need better guys in your life--- vur' much so.
from raven72d :
Hugs back, girl! And I will be here reading along with you and treasuring your comments.
from raven72d :
Long ago--- in 2002 and 2003 ---you left me notes... I've wondered whatever became of you...
from giannarazi :
What you taking in school?? Curious minds wanna know lol.
from neangel :
hey baby. I'm so glad that we talked the last month and I will call you and set up a night where we spend the entire night on the phone watching our movie and drinking shiraz!! I miss and love you big time!!
from starkitten01 :
Hang in there, sweetie. I feel your pain on more than one of the issues you're dealing with lately! :-( I sometimes want to say F it and run to where there's 'help', however moving back in with relatives in order to receive that help is not really a good option for me, either. I'm also frustrated with job issues, so I can relate. I'm truly hoping it gets better for YOU, at least! *hugs*
from thelongreign :
it is darkest before the dawn. blah blah The truth is, you are a strong person. incredibly so. And I understand the lonliness that is created from not having "home"...but the beauty of you Tracey, is that no matter where you are, you can create home. Do not discount Becca hearing you out because of her issues. with the things I deal with...helping someone else with their problem, or just hearing them while they talk...makes me feel like I am doing something worth doing. It allows me to take myself away from my problems and be there for my friend. So, keep that in mind. And, of course, I'm here too. So if you want me to hear you...I will of course do so. Love You
from starkitten01 :
Happy new year, I really hope 2008 is going to be a much better year for you, sweetie! <3
from neangel :
how old is becca's baby? Where's this new job at and what happened with the other job?? fill me in girl! miss you!!
from starkitten01 :
You're so sweet :-) You can e-mail me at starkitten@inbox.com, I'd love to hear from you :-) Hoping all is well.. <3 *Hugs*
from starkitten01 :
I can relate to the week you've had! :-( Been dealing with the fires in northern SD county, and was evacuated, but thankfully am Ok! It's been a HORRID week for me, too.. I'm sorry to hear you had a stressful week up your way as well :-( I hope things are better now, and good luck with your interview, hope it all works out for the best! *hugs*
from starkitten01 :
You're in my thoughts sweetie, please hang in there.. <3 Sending much love your way! I sent out a mass-note the other day inviting my regular readers to subscribe to an e-mail posting service so that I can share my more private journals that way, please let me know if the note didn't make it your way and I'll be glad to e-mail you the invitation personally. E-mail me at; starkitten@inbox.com and let me know. *HUGS*
from starkitten01 :
I hope your medication change helped you, and I'm hoping that you're doing all right! *hugs* Thinking of ya..
from raven72d :
I hope September goes well...
from thelongreign :
Babe, I am so sorry things are so rough. But, I am glad you are going home. You need a strong support system. I am proud of you for doing such a difficult thing. Love You!!!
from starkitten01 :
Thank you so much for the supportive words! They meant a lot to me, and were much needed right now! *HUGS*
from starkitten01 :
Hang in there.. Sometimes SINGLE is BETTER!! Trust me! And best wishes to your friend Becca, hoping it all went OK! *Hugs*
from starkitten01 :
I'm so glad you still come around. I'd like to think that anything I have to say means *something* to someone out there, even maybe gives them some inspiration to NOT make the same mistakes that I have. As far as your job--Kudo's. I did the same thing a few months back, and I had good reason to feel it was time to leave there. I say if you felt it was the right time, then you did the right thing. Hugs!
from starkitten01 :
It was so good to come by and read your note. I get so few lately, so I always figure no one is reading or caring what's happening w/me anymore. *sigh* I'm glad to hear you're not down about your recent situation, *good for you!* And more power to you for being such a strong woman :) *Hugs*
from starkitten01 :
Good for you!!! I was so proud of you after reading the entry tonight. And the last sentences you wrote, they sounded like something coming right out of my own mouth in my current situation! I'm glad to see someone else making *positive* changes in their life!
from giannarazi :
**Hugs** I am so sorry for the rotten Easter. **Hugs** I hope everything will be okay. I know how important grandparents are in our lives. **Hugs**
from thelongreign :
You know what? you aren't a horrible person because you want happiness and you haven't met someone that does IT for you. You will. And until then there is NO reason to settle.
from flimsay11 :
thank you. :)
from abeautflmess :
Because of the fiance's access to my pc, I'm going to have to have a blog where it's members only to read...Please come by :) I'm also regularly coming by here to keep up on you guys still! <3 Hugs <3 http://z6.invisionfree.com/Comfortably_Numb/index.php?act=idx
from neangel :
hey darlin! that's awesome that you are going to do that with Becca, I think it will be really good for you both. How'd drinks/dinner go with partyguy at clamjumpers? i never did hear back from you.
from abeautflmess :
I think it's beautiful to read how great friends can be toward one another. It gives me a renewed faith in friendship,despite what I've been going through. Kudo's to you for being so wonderful to your best friend!<3 I wish everyone was that considerate and caring.
from some-trouble :
Happy New Year! I hope 2007 brings you all you hope for!
from neangel :
much better then the first one you went to with me?? LOL well the location keeps getting better and better. My favorite was my 2nd when it was in up north. you didn't go with me to that one tho.
from neangel :
aww and I was originally planning on being in CA this weekend too!! Damn it I could have been your date this time to the xmas party and I could have done your make up! I miss you darlin. Talked to Dui today for like ever. I'll be calling you tomorrow for sure.
from giannarazi :
Happy Thanksgiving!! **Hugs**
from raven72d :
How did the weekend go?
from neangel :
Well hun I hope your birthday goes smoothly and there are no retards fucking it up. love you!
from raven72d :
Thanks muchly. I will try. What are your plans?
from neangel :
glad you had so much fun on your trip woman! now there's some cheap ass tickets to dfw get on a plane and fly your ass down here!! ;-)
from raven72d :
How's the long weekend going?
from neangel :
I'm going to call you on my way to the hospital to see my friend Miss B. I haven't talked about her in forever and haven't seen her in almost the same amount of time but I was just called to let me know that they found a brain tumor, she's in the hospital and she's been asking for me. They operate on monday.
from starkitten-1 :
Sending some hugs your way!!! <3
from raven72d :
The 8 Feb. 2006 photo is lovely.
from neangel :
haha he's been talking dirty to me again and he said that he hasn't had anything nearly as good as me. i'm pretty sure he's coming if only for the sex! i don't mind cause i haven't had anything as good as us either!
from neangel :
you saw him there? cool beans. dui didn't say anything to me about it when i talked to her the other day. perhaps i'll ask her about it next time i call her. i'd be interested to know what he said. i know she asked about us cause she doesn't know all that's been going on there. i think he is.
from gracielou345 :
Thanks for the welcome back. It's nice to be missed. I never realized anyone was paying attention to my silly diary. I'm glad you are. Well I've got a lot of catching up to do. Need to read what you've been up to. Hope you are having a great holiday!
from spit-swallow :
Good for you! That song was my anthem when I got rid of my good for nothing ex in September. It fit the situation so well...he blamed everything on his parents and was completely co-dependant. I'm glad you've reached the point where that song defines your feelings because that is a very good point in the whole process, so much empowerment :)
from myself--asis :
I read what you write...and I understand your guilt. You feel partially responsible. And in a sense...to you, you are. You allowed him to come over. you had sex with him when it worked for you. you have called him when you needed a shoulder. now you have called the cops. for contacting you. so, it makes sense that you feel bad. But, to keep that in perspective...a lot of bad relationships are hard to break off. It comes down to the cycle. you are programmed to seek him out. he's done that over years of convincing you you need him. so your reaction to reach out for him is not only understandable, it's typical. This maybe is what it will take to finally break the cycle. But don't feel sorry for her either. did you have a you sitting there warning YOU? She did. She'll have to learn on her own. love you
from giannarazi :
Are you still using the same emails or did you have a new email account?! **Hugs** I wanted to send an email your way.
from giannarazi :
**hugs** I dunno what to say, so I will just give you tons of hugs and lots of love. **Hugs**
from neangel :
that's one hilarious analogy woman!! chicken and pigs... where in the sam hell did you come up w/ that one?? Give me a call next time you're drinking so I can talk you out of doing anything like drunk driving! *hugs*
from catpewk :
I feel your pain sweetie, just remember that life's a bitch and then you die. Now go to sleep...
from neangel :
ooh who is this one?? anyone I know... or dated?? LOL
from myself--asis :
yeah come on Trac...he's such a NICE drug abuser. Potentially violent drug abuser...as meth makes you totally fucked in the head. And of course, that disgustingly fun shit it does to your teeth. You don't wanna piece of that? snob. lol
from neangel :
Ooh man ray! i miss that guy, he is always there, you can always count on him and thankgoodness i never saw his punk ass roommate there ever again after yrs ago. Doa - I remember one drunk night that I drove to doa when I was supposed to have gone to doe!! lol
from myself--asis :
well, the problem is the mixed signals. I know he is a pain in the ass...but when you have him come over when you need company and fmailiar...it makes it kind of seem like you aren't serious about him being OUT of your life. It is all about NOT calling him back EVER. NEVER having him over. EVER. Just let it be done. And THEN when he won't stop...enforce the restraining order. You can't do that when you have HAD him over though. Let it be done. As hard as it is. You will be happier. I know I have been since mine has been out of my life.
from la-blue-eyez :
Congrats!!!
from la-blue-eyez :
Oh criminal justice has always sounded interesting to me! And I'm so happy that everything is going good! You deserve to be happy!
from neangel :
Wow what a fun, interesting night at Cheers! That's strange that you saw so many of the old 'regulars'. I remember seeing Mai when she was pregnant - such a change to see someone go from single & crazy to married & preg. I still can hear her sing me & bobby mcgee!! she was my favorite janis singer - well at least at Cheers. I hope you give that guy at least one good chance - he actually sounds like he could be a good guy or he could turn out to be a fast moving psycho stalker - either way you'll never know unless you give him a try!! LOL love ya woman!!
from myself--asis :
It's so funny Trace...you say no false hopes. It's not true. I think you believe it...or want to. But there is this huge part of you just hoping that he will be what you want/need him to be. One day you will turn around and all the time, effort, love you put into him and the relationship will pan out. And it won't. Not ever. For a day or a few...but not long term. And after eleven years I still do the same with mine. I even go months without thinking about him or talking to him...but in the long run...he's infected me. And I still think "maybe some day" and the calm and familiarity...and the days when he knows I just can't handle him being an ass...they are good. But they are so fucking rare. What's the point?
from raven72d :
I hope the day is full of soft breezes and dreams for you.
from neangel :
who is this one darlin? not the ass is it?
from starkitten-1 :
Aww...Hang in there, sweetie! Things'll get better..HUGS!!
from la-blue-eyez :
{{{HUGS}}} I hope you get to feeling better soon. It's no fun being down. I feel it all the time too. PS. I think I've decided that Cali is where I'm going to move. I'm checking on pricing for movers and stuff within the next month or so.
from neangel :
Yay!! can't wait to hear how it goes!
from myself--asis :
well, look at it like this...if he calls...YAY...if not...then at least you had a good night and are lucky not to have to deal with such a cad. HA. Welcome to my world of overminimalizing. HA.
from neangel :
get some... you said something about at least in the first hour... dish dish dish!!
from neangel :
whoa whoa whoa!! did you??????
from myself--asis :
I have a rule of thumb too...this is how it goes. "If you want to talk to him...call" simple as that. You will see how he feels by how he acts. End of story. Don't worry about the rules. Go by how you feel
from spit-swallow :
I say call him and ask him to hang out this weekend. Really, what do you have to lose? As sex and the city once said "There's nothing you could do on a first date that you can't bounce back from."
from neangel :
Nope, who?
from neangel :
geez that sucks - which files was she asking about - I was there :)
from neangel :
Well I'm driving down to Sandy Eggo Friday and seeing a few friends down there - the wedding is Saturday around 5pm so I'll be back in the OC for that - not sure how late that will go - I hope we can get together!! I'll call you - I get in around 9pm and have to get a car.
from neangel :
I'm flying out tonight!!!! I'll be arriving at LAX around 830pm - I hope we can get together for a drink - glass of wine - soemthing anything!! I need some Tracey time!
from myself--asis :
how do you feel about a road trip next weekend? I'll be in CA until mid sunday. and I'm free all day saturday
from neangel :
don't leave while I am there - I need a place to stay and I want to spend at least one night with my girl!!
from giannarazi :
I wanted to leave you a note of thanks. Thank you for being my friend. I have enjoyed our friendship. Most importantly, thank you for allowing me to be apart of your life. Yes, we may only be friends online, but as another buddy said, "Friends are the family you wish you had." Something like that anyway and I wanted to thank you for your kindness and respect. Please know I love you! **Hugs**
from la-blue-eyez :
I love the rain too. Here in Florida, it rains a lot, but it's a different kind of rain than what they get in Oregon/Washington or any place else I've seen. It's huge raindrops and it rains slowly (if that makes sense?). Sometimes the rain lasts for several days, sometimes it'll rain everyday at straight up 1pm. But even with weeks of rain like that, I love it. It's the loud crashes of thunder and the lightning strikes near my window or car that ruin that for me though. lol
from neangel :
I wish it would rain around here again like it does - all crazy with thunder and lightning! that's still my favorite thing about texas! I had the nicest bottle of shiraz that I've had in a long while last night - I'll find out what the brand name is (can't remember) & let you know so you can try it.
from neangel :
whole foods? huh i miss tj's and i don't think i could do the whole foods thing. i miss our movie nights *jealous of ghetto girl* what else was i going to say... i forget now...Ooh yeah the gym! i miss our work outs too! are you still going to ball*y's?
from neangel :
oh girl you just gone and made me cry here at work!! thank you for that - no matter who, what, when or where you will always be such a dear, close friend - i treasure all the times we spent together, on the couch, on the phone, at the bar (or at least in front of the bar) and all the futures times we will share. i am just as guilty of putting friends on the back burner for Suisse but no matter what we always managed to find time for a massage/pedicure! xoxoxoxxoxo
from bludragnfly :
thanks for your note *wink* *wink* - visit quickly for instructions on how to get your password...
from la-blue-eyez :
Sometimes I think you and I share the same life. lol I just wrote about a person I went to high school with finding me on myspace.com and emailing me. And the way you described your old high school (male) friend, is the EXACT way that SF is with me... Aside from the whole car thing. But yeah, he's my rock and my sanity and without him, who knows which institution I'd be in right now. lol
from la-blue-eyez :
I have that feeling every week. I'm not meaning to brag or anything, just saying that I totally know how you feel. It's why I work the crazy schedule I do. Hope you enjoy your 4 days!
from raven72d :
Congrats on the four days.
from la-blue-eyez :
Does Matt not understand that had he not done the things he did, that he wouldn't be going to court and this is all actually HIS fault?!?! Come on dude! Geez. And you are not allowed to feel guilt over that anymore or ever. I think you're being to nice in going to court in his defense anyways. But that's just me. I can understand why you're doing it. {{{HUGS}}}
from raven72d :
How's life, girl?
from neangel :
yeah you have family in town! that's cool hun i hope you have fun and get to go to vegas!! i sure do miss vegas... and the rest of my friends in ca too ;-)
from la-blue-eyez :
Oh sounds like a great time is ahead of you. Can't wait to hear about it.
from myself--asis :
NO NO NO...MATT??? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO what the heck girlie?
from la-blue-eyez :
Have you tried just being out right blunt with him? Like telling him you like him but you need to take things slow and if he keeps pushing you that you're going to end up running the wrong way. You can be honest with him without giving him details. Tell him what you need, but don't tell him why.
from neangel :
awww a massage! i could so use that right now!! argh i'm so friggin stressed out!!
from la-blue-eyez :
Aww! I'm so glad he messaged you!
from neangel :
my chinese fortune cookie today: time heals all wounds. keep your chin up. * I thought of you and the movie, I wish we could watch it together tonight!!
from neangel :
job? a new one? a promotion? what?? you can't leave me hangin like that woman! ;-)
from neangel :
omg! it's not mo's son is it? *hugs* who ever it is send her and her son my prayers.
from bludragnfly :
Well, I'm southeast of you (I think), so drive on down to sunny Arizona and we can make a run for the border!!!! ;) I'm glad to see you have a great and positive view of the situation. I am sorry you got stuck in the middle of his crap again. As always, I enjoy reading your entries. Your post today was particularly inspiring...
from neangel :
no girl head south east!! i'm down this way!
from giannarazi :
Hmm seems the dude who asked you about kids and all that - well, seems like he's crushing on you and that is why he is so patience. He sees you as you are and he still accepts you. Keep him as a friend and who knows - maybe one day something will turn out with him. But at least there is a great friendship going strong. (I'm still reading up on your journals.)
from neangel :
yeah!! who?? i used to get asked out by a lot of the builders that i had to talk to a lot to schedule appts. there was one that wanted to take me to their cabin on lake tahoe for the 3day weekend!! he lived in riverside area i think and had a sexy voice but after meeting the few guys that i did get to meet by chance (through work) you can't really base anything on their voice ;-) you go have fun girl, you don't owe him shit!
from bludragnfly :
Goooood for YOU! Scandalous, he he he, but exactly along the lines of what I had in mind. You have lots of fun and then write about it so I know what happened! ;)
from neangel :
i waited for your call woman what happened?? lol i'm still off work tonight if you want to give me a ring.
from bludragnfly :
1-4-2006/ Wow, I am so honored that you linked/mentioned me in your entry today! My advice is to leave him in your dust. If they do it once, they will do it again. The thing that makes me sick is - where was he really and what was he doing? He is very disrespectful toward you. You deserve to be loved and respected. He is unworthy of your time. Focus on you. Love you. Take care of you. Treat yourself to a trip. I would recommend any type of trip that would allow you to really spoil yourself. The most therapeutic would be solo, but if you prefer, take a girlfriend along. ;) Girls rock!
from neangel :
cut him loose girl! don't want no drama, no no no no drama!
from neangel :
ooh yeah gnocchi! i miss my trader joe's. i finally found the vodka sauce!
from neangel :
ya i am off every night except saturday! how sweet it is to do not a damn thing at night!!
from bludragnfly :
Clarification, I know that this was Charlie who did this, not Matt. Man, what is wrong with him!?
from bludragnfly :
Tuesday, Jan. 03, 2006 - Reading your last entry just made my blood boil and my stomach turn. God, I've been there. Ironically, mine was named "Matt" too, three years of hell, the only person in this world that I hope I never see again. Wow. I'm proud of you for your strength and knowing when you should let go. I'll never understand why guys do things like that. Coward. All I can say about him is he is a coward. You are far better than the likes of him. Stay strong. Pawn the ring (ha ha ha). You will be just fine! Now is the time to delve into you. Spend time doing things that you love to do. Be selfish. Let me know if you need help. I'm a great believer in self-indulgence! :-)
from la-blue-eyez :
I can relate to how you feel. If you would like to talk, you can email me or IM me.
from starkitten-1 :
I can relate SO well to what you're dealing with regarding breaking up, the pain you're going through, and the way things have changed you. I've been there...Sometimes I'm still there..I am so curious as to what happened since your entry. Please hang in there and I hope this year will be a MUCH BETTER ONE for you, sweetie! I'm eagerly awaiting your next entry...((HUGS))
from candoor :
I hope your next year is much better and hug you now :)
from starkitten-1 :
PS it'll be your Dland username w/ that password :) Hugs!
from starkitten-1 :
Just going thru my buddy list, and thought I'd give you the passwd to my page. It will become locked soon. It's; readersonly1 :)
from la-blue-eyez :
I hope you have a merry Christmas and a very happy New Year!
from some-trouble :
I'm not sure when you'll get to read this, but I just wanted to wish you a very Merry Christmas & Happy New Year. I hope you have a wonderful time over the holidays! Take Care, Jo X
from raven72d :
Joyeux Noel! I have missed hearing from you.
from bludragnfly :
Congratulations on losing 130+ pounds! Wow! I just lost 70, and I know how much work I put into it. I can sympathize and understand everything you say. You should be proud of yourself and don't forget to push yourself a little bit now and then... ;) You'll be so glad you did. I really enjoy your writings.
from la-blue-eyez :
12/20/05 Your entry really hit home with me today and put a lot of things in perspective for me.
from neangel :
it'll be nice to be pampered with a nice dinner and hotel room. remember what they served at the one i took you too? thick ass filet mignon... Hmmmmm... it was so good.
from neangel :
i hope it gets better soon hun!!
from neangel :
what are they doing this year for the xmas party? i still never received the pics they took almost two years ago not to mention the ones/any ones they took when you went with me 3yrs ago!! can you believe its been that long?? LOL
from candoor :
sending you peace (or at least the hope you find more of it :)
from neangel :
ya know i really am not sure. i might be going to vegas with suisse, natasha & her bf fred for his bday in january but other than that i have no clue. i will look for good dates thogh.
from neangel :
Oh how I miss our 'about us' weekends!! next time i will sneak into town and JUST you and i will go into santa monica again for some shopping, manis and pedis!! perhaps a massage or facial as well. *yeah I can't say i miss those damn retarded checks and balances*
from la-blue-eyez :
Your last paragraph in your entry today (12/8//05) is something I'm having a hard time with right now also. Everything is so non-stressful and I'm so used to having it that I feel like something is missing. Sounds crazy I know.
from la-blue-eyez :
I don't mind at all, but if you wouldn't mind giving me your email addy or email me so I can get it that way? (My email is on my diary) And as for dysfunctional... I have a man whore on my game, if that makes you feel better? And he's not picky... He sleeps with men, women, the hired help, he really doesn't care. As long as he gets his.
from head-unbowed :
Babe...are you so unaccustomed to serious problems that you are creating them (smile) If you get mad about something simple again...I mean furious mad, not just ticked off...Please think of Matt and his ex. And, we all know that if you want things to stay RIGHT where they are...you need to have a place of your own and NEVER let anyone in it. Be thankful you have someone to move your shit...It's lonely as hell here these days. (And I am about an hour and a half - two hours from the Canadian border...Not too bad at all!!!)
from neangel :
that totally sucks that he did that. you are not supposed to use bottled water like that for friggin plants especially if its the only one around!! men are so retarded. the forwarding of the horoscope sounds so much like me!
from la-blue-eyez :
I'm sorry you're feeling down. A little R & R in Arizona may be the perfect thing for you!
from head-unbowed :
you should totally wait and see them in SEATTLE ha
from neangel :
i really can't say that i am upset at the thought that he might be put in jail or something but i am sad to hear that you even had to deal with that. if i were still in ca... pow! right in the kisser! *to matt of course ;-)* i am glad that they no longer give anyone a choice as many women are too scared to do what really needs to be done. while at the same time it sucks that you are now going to have to deal with matt's reaction and his childish retribution which i am sure is not far behind that phone call. *i love you & miss you!!
from giannarazi :
I hear ya on the phone call stuff and all, but truly... it's not your fault period. Matt brought it all upon himself. You told him to leave and get out and he would not... so you called the law to have him removed. It's his own fault. Not yours!! If he has priors, it's not your fault. He did it all his own self. Don't feel guilt for something you had NO choice but to do - remove him from your house.
from neangel :
i so know what you mean about the photos. i have so many of my mom now and before i didn't have any of her - everyone else but not her or myself.
from neangel :
i'll have to call you for the details. not going to post them here...he's been divorced since june. did i mention that all ready? ;-)
from neangel :
i didn't get the text but it probably came after syd tossed my cell into the water bucket.
from neangel :
i should have called you to come join me at cheers on wednesday night!! my phone got dumped in a water bucket thursday morning so that kind of fucked up my contacting everyone to see them but i did get to spend the night with suisse... guess what? he's been divorced since june!!
from la-blue-eyez :
lmao! I'm glad I'm not the only one that smells my deoderant and my lotion and think about how good I smell. Too funny!
from la-blue-eyez :
Don'tcha just love family? UGH! They annoy me too. And I'm right there with you on the dirty word (30). I was watching a movie the other day and one of the characters was turning dirty. She didn't say the actual number though, she called it "twenty plus ten". I laughed, but I actually do like the sound of that much better!
from neangel :
Ooh ooh! who is this one? hehe haven't had time to do your reading but i will do it tonight. promise! xoxo
from la-blue-eyez :
I hope you had a good day despite the rough morning. :)
from neangel :
lucky you i have to work today... ugh.
from angelsnano :
i think so. i'm staying with natasha in hb but i am sure we can work something out! ;-) email me whatever question you want the reading to be about!
from la-blue-eyez :
Oh! New guys are always exciting. I like the butterfly guys even more. You deserve to have fun!
from la-blue-eyez :
Thank you for adding me. I read some of your entries and on so many levels I feel like I can relate to how you feel and the things you've been through and the steps your taking now. Under the Tuscan Sun is one of my favorite "pick me up" movies. And I loved the quote you had a few entries back.
from neangel :
hunt for kermie!! too funny! i hope you find him... hope he's not in your wall somehow either. i'm exhausted but tried to call you last night. we need to talk and catch up... i miss my tracey!!
from neangel :
omg that was martin luther king's weekend and the night paul and i started or almost started to hook up because we went to vegas with bree for her bday which is when we really did hook up!! i chipped my tooth that weekend too, the one that i needed to finish the root canal on. i also used amy's truck sometime to move something... damn memories! no it doesn't seem like almost 4 yrs ago!
from dulligirl :
I'm reading your entry and I read "If I'm going to start over,I'm going to do it in a clean shirt". Then realized it was "clean start". Either way makes sense though,don't you think? Just wanted to pop over to say hi and that I'm doing my best to stay warm..it's 42 degrees!
from neangel :
i like the new look! i had the cleaning bug today too and will soon be doing something different with my hair as well.
from neangel :
hmm that is weird! oh i put you down as a reference for CSC... i put your mobile. is that okay?
from neangel :
its in the same parking lot as the petsmart, actually i think next door. the movie theater is there and across from that large parking lot is also the target. ;) miss you!
from meloganlover :
hi i really like you atitude and ur diarys! maybe u can read mine sometime! i dont know how old u are but i would like to be friends! u just have that punk ass feel to u! i think that rocks! u remined me of a friend that i had but she moved away! hey i have a dance tomarrow maybe u can give me some pointers!!! read my diary sometime and leave a note!!! ;>)
from raven72d :
What did you do this summer?
from raven72d :
Alas, my autumn is amid the ruins of southern Louisiana. I miss Connecticut.
from raven72d :
Write often, girl! And do well-- I hope your autumn goes well.
from raven72d :
I have missed hearing from you.
from neangel :
i miss you too darlin!
from neangel :
well i'm glad to hear you found some place that will work with you! did you know roman moved to newport beach? he is selling his old place in MV.
from neangel :
i almost had the same thing happen to me. they approved me but only if i agreed to pay half a months rent [going rate and not what i am paying] up front as an added deposit. you should call back and talk to the lady who told you that they could do that on 3-way with your mom... use the conference call button at work. ;) that way you can argue with the woman who told you they could and then once she says its okay have mom give her info right then.
from neangel :
MMmm i'm tired of talking about the cheese. the last i've heard from him was on the 1st via email where in regards to my asking if he still even wanted me to visit he said "i don't know anymore, so i think you should wait". no call no emails no kiss my ass from him since then. i have just stopped trying. when he's ready [again] he'll call or something that is IF he ever is.
from neangel :
it's raining there? it's raining here too. how cool is that? LOL kidding. I'll be there soon! I'm staying with my friend Mary I think for the entire trip. we should get together though!
from dulligirl :
People suck. This is why I live alone. And why I understand crimes of passion.
from neangel :
fuck CA! Come party with me girl! i miss u!!
from neangel :
see just another reason for you to move here and get a sweet apartment next to me for only 490/mo!! I have a job here waiting for you too - medical benes are immediate too!! =)
from neangel :
what picture thingie?? i have no idea what you're talking about. :/
from giannarazi :
Hee hee, you need me for a room-mate. I'm deaf and I hate socializing with company, lol. Hope that made you laugh a little. *hugs* I have faith it will work out and all will go well.
from neangel :
wow another new girl? what does she do? damn i remember when i was the only female there until kanika then she left and it was back to me again! time does fly by.
from giannarazi :
Hmm, can you talk to the bank about a loan to help you with all of those payments into one loan maybe, so you can reduce how much you have to pay in, but still come out ahead a little? Where there is a will, there is a way. You can do it.
from dulligirl :
That truly sounds like an awesome and life-changing vacation. Go for it!
from neangel :
ooh yeah i didn't make that connection. DUH!! lmao have fun!!
from neangel :
what's the birth certificate for?
from neangel :
hun you are so not one of those people. i would have done the same thing! stay in society we all love you!
from neangel :
i hope i have a suisse and california to come home too! that is scary.
from giannarazi :
definitely go see a doctor. take care of yourself girl. we all love you too much. i could say that the break up did cause some weight loss, but not to that extreme. *Hugs*
from neangel :
Wow horus moved? that's crazy and you need to take care of yourself woman! I need someone to come back to and watch movies with! you can't drink a shit load of wine on an empty stomach!
from neangel :
good for you darlin! get the hell out of dodge for awhile. I am glad to hear that you're going out more though, that is real progress ;)
from neangel :
Wow damn woman!! who is this you saw with their gf? anyone i know? and this guy?? woman you need to call me later! you better! =) You rock on with your bad ass self! *cough after being away from a while it was a little strange for me to see you at my old desk*
from neangel :
i wish i could have been there too!! thanks for passing along my message ;) *hug*
from neangel :
*novel ahead* Wow first windy last night then emily came over? talk about flash backs!! is she okay? the baby? did she end up going back and is that what she is having problems with? i wish i could be going to cheers with you!! Tell Dui I said hi and I love her to pieces [don't forget to ask about how her mom is doing, hopefully she is well]. i might give her a call later if i can remember on my lunch break. she never answers the phone usually though. it'll only be another 6 months until i'm back and with as quickly as this year is going it will be no time. do consider moving somewhere where you have family. when it's time you'll no and just up & do it, no hesitation - it only makes its harder to end up not doing it. although i'd love to keep you there for me i want you to be happy. besides i have family in WA so it's not like i can't come up and see you while i'm up there too!! =) i miss James' cooking although him i can always give or take ;) kidding. he's just one of those guys that really know how to grate a nerve but overall he's a great guy. i miss so much about CA, they used to have dinner with us and stuff. i miss doing couple things and everything else for that matter. *sigh* soon.
from neangel :
i'll call you as soon as i get off of work! *hugs*
from neangel :
i am glad to hear you at least made the effort to go out on a date though, that is HUGE progress. i really hope that i hadn't said something that hurt you to make you get off the phone so quickly the other day. you know i love you & i will always be here for you. you deserve so much better & all the happiness in the world. i just wish i were back there all ready so i could buy a couple bottles of our shiraz and we could get drunk while watching our movies all night long :) *old cow honey, put him out of his misery, he's nothing but old *diseased* cow. *HUGS*
from spit-swallow :
I remember my first date after the guy I was with for like two years and I broke up...that was awhile ago...but it was SO weird...the feeling of being on a DATE with someone else, actively thinking of their name and such so you don't forget and slip up...thinking and wondering about the other person...but, all I can say is it DOES get easier and from all I've read in your diary you seem like a very strong person with the ability to overcome many hurtles.
from daze-of-rain :
so we don't ever learn do we? And it just doesn't ever get any easier, does it? I'm sorry sweetheart...I'm sorry it came to this. But hopefully this will be the final thing you need to move PAST this. So name the date of MD. I'm on board!!! love you
from neangel :
tell her you've decided to go to hell instead this weekend and perhaps she'll beg her bf to take her there instead too!
from neangel :
sounds like a great idea love! you go have some fun for yourself!!
from daze-of-rain :
Babe, You know what? He didn't get his shit together sooner because he didn't HAVE to and when the next one comes along...he'll revert again. Simple as that. AND just be glad it's not YOUR problem anymore. It wasn't meant to be...or it would BE. YES Sept sounds GREAT. What kind of time frame are you looking at? as far as staying goes?
from neangel :
Sorry I didn't get to call you back last night. Mary started talking about her sister & how's she's been doing since the accident & then we started talking about our mens... We didn't get off the phone for a long time & then I was exhausted. I'll give ya a ring tonight k? *hugs* good luck with the dinner thing! Did I meet this new guy?
from neangel :
we had just gotten into town about 30 minutes before we went to patsy's & i called you right as we were pulling into town. sorry i slept most of the way back or else i would have called sooner. i don't know for sure and if i do it wouldn't be until after i've been here at least a year. i can't leave my job[s] before then it will look too bad on my resume.
from neangel :
that'd be a cute tattoo... where you were last night?? :( ooh well, i guess i'll see you again next time i am out here... not sure when that will be though since it's his turn the next 3 times... i don't know how long i can handle this, i just might end up moving back. it's getting too hard to leave him & he can't go anywhere for at least the next year... fuck that sucks ass.
from daze-of-rain :
I'm so proud of you. So. Proud. Of. You.
from dulligirl :
That ladybug tattoo sounds cute. And damn straight you don't need anybody to hold your umbrella!
from dulligirl :
And now I just read your entry..and OhmyGod. You made me weep big tears. I often look at pics of myself from 25 years ago and think..Where the hell did I go wrong? How did I let you down? Thanks so much for your entry. Its definite food for thought.
from dulligirl :
Thanks so much for your note. I truly appreciated it!
from giannarazi :
You are finally coming out of the dark period and into the light. I'm glad you made contact with the old buddies, they will help pull you thru just like all of us here too. **Hugs**
from neangel :
too bad i didn't have more notice caues it'd be cool for you to come here for a couple days and visit!
from starkitten01 :
Checking in! :-) Glad to hear you're on an even keel :-) *hugs*
from daze-of-rain :
Tracey...We are your friends. There is no "I told you so" to be said. We have ALL been (or ARE) in your shoes. It's not because you are dumb. I was just talking about this with a friend of mine...Problem with love? Your intelligence is never a factor. It doesn't work on the same level as anything else that you choose or work through...Logic and love just don't live on the same hemispheres. We fight what we know because of how we FEEL...and so forth and so on, the cycle goes. And trust me...IM the last one to say "I told you so"...maybe you've missed my most recent entries...but girls who feel stupid and live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.
from neangel :
You are NOT a stupid woman, not by far. You are like most all of us women, hopeful, hopeful that love can conquer all & that things/people really can change. I'm proud of you for showing the strength that I have always known you to have deep down. YOU CAN DO IT! ;) I miss you, can't wait to see you when I am in town from April 22 to the 25th. *BIG HUGS*
from neangel :
who's baby? well have a fun night darlin. miss you! i wish i could have talked to you last night but i am sure you were probably sleeping all ready. talk to you later in the weekend or next week! *hugs*
from neangel :
*hugs* i wish i could be there for you darlin. at least Mo is coming back! give me a call sometime to catch up. i work tonight so i will be avail anytime after 8ish your time.
from neangel :
yeah it was an all about me & suisse weekend. we never went back to Trader Joe's, just decided what i got saturday was enough & cheeses probably shouldn't be packed in a suitcase even if only for 2 1/2 hours on a plane. we didn't go anywhere either on sunday before i had to leave. it was the worst departure ever. i cried so hard & he waited on the curb for 10 almost 15 minutes just in case so he'd be in the right place at the right time if i couldn't get on the plane. i almost didn't. damn it was so hard. but i will be back in april if only to see sarah mclachlan & my baby. *sigh*
from neangel :
i can't believe it either... i wish i could have been there with you guys, i really feel as if i should have been. *hugs*
from neangel :
hey hun your links aren't working. make sure the prev & next code doesn't have "" around it.
from giannarazi :
**Hugs** I'm so sorry!! *Hugs**
from neangel :
OMG!! Who???? WTF????
from candoor :
Happy V-Day, dangit! (I'm determined :)
from catpewk :
I'd be happy to do one for you - I just need your dob and name. You can email them to catpewk@pagannews.com :)
from neangel :
i wish there were a pill you could take, i hate the thought of you having to give yourself a shot weekly :(
from neangel :
aw hun i am so sorry to hear about all your pain. i wish i could be there for you when you have to go through that... please call me after 3 your time and we can chat
from daze-of-rain :
You know what's funny? You already know the answer to this. A real friend is the person who will tell you that you have something in your teeth. A real friend does not lie. The truth is what you give those you love most...And if he failed a drug test I don't see them letting him legally adopt anyhow...unless we are talking about not going thru the proper channels? This is like someone getting pregnant to save a marriage. It never works. And a child doesn't make you quit using drugs...as you know. If he's serious he should get himself into some hard core rehab and quick
from daze-of-rain :
i'm glad that you saw your dr. I wanted to ask...with the move to AZ does this mean MD is a no go? I am thinking about March...
from neangel :
i'm here for you darlin, just don't move unless you have a job lined up or a big prospect waiting... i will always be here for you! ps we might be hiring again here soon, we are actually but that's up to you
from neangel :
wow so you're moving there huh? suisse is really trying to get me to move back to cali... go figure! i'll call you later so we can chat. you better come visit me before you move!
from neangel :
i better be the next stop!! ;) you look so adorable in that pic!! i miss you so much! i will try to call you this weekend but since Suisse will be here it might be hard... tell mo I said hi too!!
from giannarazi :
**Hugs**
from daze-of-rain :
No I told you so's...just a "I'm very proud of you"....and I hear it gets better. Let me know because I haven't gotten to the point that I'd know yet or not.
from neangel :
freeways collapsing?? I haven't heard anything like that on star 98.7 - i still listen to jamie & danny every morning but now that i am two hours ahead & get to listen to more of it! ;) please don't float away! i need to see you when i come out to visit! btw so who are you talking about? email me!
from daze-of-rain :
Oh hun...I'm sorry. I hope you feel better very very soon
from neangelpoems :
darlin you will ALWAYS be a part of my life!!
from candoor :
merry happy new year :)
from some-trouble :
Happy New Year! I hope 2005 is a fabulous year for you. XXX
from neangel :
you look so cute with those new glasses!! Have a happy new years darlin!
from some-trouble :
Hiya, I just wanted to wish you and your family a Merry Xmas. I hope you have a lovely day! From Jo XXX
from giannarazi :
Vodka?? Don't forget to add OJ! Lol!! **Hugs** I'm sorry things suck right now. I hope you get to feeling a little better. Sorry about the shots. I hate needles too. I wouldn't want to give myself shots, but knowing myself I wouldn't trust anyone to do it for me. Why can't they let you put some numbing stuff on the injection site, so that you can not feel the needle?? Maybe ask about something.
from daze-of-rain :
ha...tell him you'll take Chris if he doesn't want to go? lol The no advance nervous is better...less time to fret about it. I am proud of you for doing your own shot babe!!!
from neangel :
hun you can always come here if you want! your hair sounds really cute, send me a pic!! i'm sprint too so you can send it to my phone, remember? lol have fun at the party, i'm missing it all ready. they are always so much fun... you know that! i miss u girl & good for you, i say take a chance. this guy seems very different from dickhead...err i mean matt. ;)
from daze-of-rain :
Good for you for picking up that fork and eating the pie....er the phone and dialing the number? lol Good luck. You need someone to treat you well. I totally get what you mean about feeling hypocritical but you can't help wanting what you want.
from daze-of-rain :
What about taking a trip to Hawaii? Take some time for YOU and go for a week. It's time you let Matt go Trace...You know it in your heart. It's been time for awhile...But you'll never trust him. It will never be okay. It doesn't get better...only worse. And he SHOULD be near his kids. If that mkaes life worse for you it's all the more reason to let it all go andmove on. Pack your stuff into storage (and Mo's too) pay it up and go to Hawaii. Stay a bit or don't? But what's left for you in CA really?
from neangel :
i'm so sorry to hear about mo leaving. it's for the best right? well perhaps when you come to visit me you can stop at her place along the way! i got a job & am getting my own place here in a couple weeks. i can't wait. my stuff is almost here from cali too. my mom's hubby went out just to pick it up friday morning. i think he should be here by the morning. *big hugs darlin* you could have always come over to my place but then again i moved away from you once i got you to my apts. :p
from giannarazi :
That reminds me (Thanks Daze-Of- Rain) where in MD was the area you were talking about in older entries? I ask because I "maybe" moving to Staunton VA and it's not that far from MD about an hour and a half. I was in Hagerstown, MD back in October. *Hugs*
from giannarazi :
YAY!! Print out this paper and put it in a place where you can read it every day to remind yourself of these goals. You can do anything you set your mind too. We're all behind you. *hugs*
from daze-of-rain :
of course you can do it...Are you planning on heading back to MD? I want to take a trip there in spring...coming with me?? [smiles]
from giannarazi :
**Hugs** We love you anyway!! I can understand your post. It is good to have the door open, but to cautious check before closing it. I would give you a boat, if I could. Stil, I do understand that part too. Although, I think you could use the break of sunshine and warm weather. Any chance you could take the vacation without any "worries" at all? Just have fun and relax? I feel you can use it.
from giannarazi :
I'm with Daze-Of-Rain that it's not exactly too late, if you are still interested in him. Go for it, or at least be in talks with him.
from daze-of-rain :
it doesn't sound like that door closed T...it sounds very much open...or why else call to entice you with his new house? And remind you of why he's stayed your friend? Eh? Is this someone you are still interested in? If so..maybe it's time to persue that?
from giannarazi :
"How can I tell him he cant see his kids when it pains him so much not to? though, how can I not tell him that I wont be here when he gets back?" This is your chance to break away free and clear. Your instincts tells you he wants his kids more than you. Maybe let him go and let him do whatever he is going to do... that way you can break away free and clear. You can walk away knowing he'll be with his kids and you'll be on with your life. Since you know he'll betray you this way, you are saved by walking away and you won't be betraying him by not being there when he gets back. So both of you get what you want and need, without hard feelings. If HE has the hard feelings, it only shows how selfish he is to you and you DESERVE better than this from a lover. **Hugs**
from daze-of-rain :
all I can say is I'm sooo sorry. That sucks ass. I wish I could help.
from daze-of-rain :
its not even about "wanting" it back the way it was...how could you go back that NOW. I mean, he's shown what he is capable...once you raise the expectations there's not returning to mediocre performances. And thank you so much for your note. It made me feel so good.
from daze-of-rain :
good for you tracey....108 pounds. That is quite an accomplishment. Good luck with Matt. I can say nothing more on that one. I'm here always [hug]
from giannarazi :
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! **HUGS**
from daze-of-rain :
whats worse is getting olded with someone who doesn't treat you right and never will. Happy Birthday Doll !!! I am SO proud of all the accomplishments you've made this year. You may not be where you want to end up...but you are finally on your way. Good for YOU!!!
from daze-of-rain :
and that's what it's all about...baby stepping until you can run on your own...and hun...you are right to walking now. Good for you!!! No progress is little. It's all big!!!
from starlight42 :
At least now you are out of that negative relationship. You could still be in it. Some women are.
from daze-of-rain :
that was the best guestbook entry ever..>I think I cried a little. Thank you so much for being you. You are an amazing woman and a great friend. We need to seriously work harder on talking more often. We both could use the extra support. And, because I have not said it in awhile...I am proud of you concerning Matt. You deserve so much better...I can't even tell you. But finally, you are beginning to see. I know how hard it is to get clear while they are standing over your shoulder. It's been really hard on Brian, this therapy I've been doing...the new self I am discovering...and the last couple of days I've let him take that from me...I am working on getting back to where I was monday morning. Anyhow, I am always here too..>And seriously, I really do want to go to Maryland...lets look into that!!!
from some-trouble :
I know I haven't stopped by for a while, but I've just read some of your most recent entries and I'm really sorry to hear that you're not feeling so well. Your positive attitude is something that I've always admired though, and will do for as long as I keep reading your diary. Hang in there - you are so much stronger than you know!
from neangel :
what is raindrop therapy?
from neangel :
i am so glad you are feeling better. give me a call sometime chica!!
from candoor :
I wish words could help you feel better, for if they could, I would give you such words right now.
from raven72d :
How is life under Orange County skies today?
from raven72d :
I'll be reading along with you. I'm glad you're back.
from raven72d :
I hadn't heard from you in a while... And I hope you will stay in touch. The move...just endure. pack up and leave and find a new life...
from giannarazi :
**hugs** Haven't heard from you in a while. I hope you are doing okay!
from giannarazi :
Big hugs!! I've missed you!! Glad to know you are around, despite you are so tired. *hugs*
from daze-of-rain :
Ugh!! to real player. When I try to open up your page I always have the damndest time. It stalls my whole system. Where have you been? You are missed. I wanted to say, as I know you know, your mother is awesome.
from starlight42 :
just wanted to say that I'm glad to hear things are going well!
from giannarazi :
Can you mention any magazines you are involved with, so the rest of us here can get an idea of what you do??
from starlight42 :
good luck with your decision! Hope you have a nice Valentines weekend.
from starlight42 :
I went on yahoo last night & I still have you as a buddy. I was going to message you so you have my user name, but you're on your mobile, so I didn't want to bug you. Anyway, my user is: starlight29341 :) Glad to hear by the way that your job is going so well! You're lucky.
from some-trouble :
Happy New Year Hon!!! Love 'n' Hugs, Jo XXX
from starkitten01 :
Merry christmas :)
from some-trouble :
I just wanted to wish you a Merry Christmas hon. I hope that you and your family have a wonderful day together! Love, Jo XXX
from giannarazi :
Are you okay? Haven't heard from you in a while. I hope you are doing alright. Take care and have a safe holiday okay. **HUGS**
from squirrelrat :
You took far too much abuse from that loser -- good thing you gave him the kick out the door that he deserved.
from alonenafraid :
http://www.petitiononline.com/butler/petition.html Can you please read this petition and sign it to try and help make the last few months of this woman's life, a little less painful. Also if you don't mind, can you put a link to the petition in your next journal entry, if you sign it that is. Thanks bunches. ~Danielle
from emanate :
Beautiful new scenery. Always helps. Best wishes. I hope that you are able to find yourself again. To me it's wonderful to feel that awakening. Like the smell right after it rains on a parking lot. Good luck.
from squirrelrat :
Damn guestbook, err! What I wanted to say was -- exactly (re: your latest entry)! Only you know yourself best, so why shouldn't you be the one to best look after your own well-being?
from daze-of-rain :
glad to see you back and I love the new layout...no guestbook?
from feverlover21 :
Just what are you implying about Santa and the Easter Bunny miss thing??? Hmmmm?!?!? My mommy said that if I don't be good they won't come....so I'm on my best behavior. And trust me nothing about you know who is made up in your you know what. Get me?
from giannarazi :
Your aunt is supposed to call you? CALL HER first! You get the impression she wants to be sort of nasty (maybe) then call HER first, she will never expect it! Kill her with Kindness! Tell her you love her! Tell her how you read in a magazine that a lot of families who had worked together ended up hating each other because of petty things such as getting the wrong roll of paper and/and the wrong color paper clips. (Make up something you know she will believe.) Tell her you couldn't believe how silly that magazine article was and that you thought of her and that you hated how things went down, but you were glad you both still love one another and you are still family, unlike the people in the magazine. Let her know that what happened was in the past and family is more important than trivial stuff. Also, tell her how much money you save given it's closer to home. Tell her the medical benefits of how much cheaper meds are for you at the new company and how it helps you not worry so much. Tell her all your GAINS from working where you are now. (Don't tell negative stuff focus only on positive. Don't let her bait you into an argument of "oh well that place is better than mine" etc... if she tries that tactic, Then tell her your medical life was more important and if she can't understand it, then she is selfish. Tell her stuff to MAKE HER be happy for you. Be positive and be "ALL ABOUT LOVE" and kill her with KINDNESS! She'll never expect it and if she really does love you and wants the best for you, then she'll be happy for you and be happy YOU called... and one day she'll be glad you found a new work place, because she will see HOW HAPPY you are and she WILL SEE how much more POSITIVE you are about things and life. I hope this helps!! **HUGS**
from giannarazi :
YEA!! Time to say goodbye to him and HELLO cuties... err LIFE. Hee hee! I'm so excited for you and so happy for you! CHASE THOSE DREAMS GIRL!! **HUGS**
from politics101 :
i am ALSO a pack rat. i have everything from my childhood. i am probably the only person on earth who still has their entire collection of nancy drew books. AND all my german dresses i wore growing up. one thing helps. buy plastic boxes. then organize pictures, everything saved that you don't have on display. i have four boxes. one for me growing up, one of each child, and family box where TRUST ME, i keep everything. even tickets from every time husband has played along with ALL his plane tickets when he plays in europe. see? you are NOT the only one who does this.
from politics101 :
getting out of california is A GOOD THING. i watch those shows on tv and everyone knows that california is going to SLIP INTO THE OCEAN. and THAT would be a bad thing if you were still here. okay, maybe i DO have quite an imagionation, but still, let's not take chances!! love, miss june
from feverlover21 :
It's no biggie....we all slip away now and again...but I love you and miss the way things were. But if your happy the way things are then let them be...I'll be here.
from feverlover21 :
hey stranger long time no see...what day can i reserve to take you out to dinner for your 21st b-day..:P i need you allllll to myself hint hint no birdies. call and let me know when your free
from politics101 :
PLEASE follow your dreams and become someone who studies the BRAIN. then finally i might have someone who could help me with this damn multiple sclerosis. PROMISE OKAY???? love, miss june
from dandefire :
question...how did you make it look so kewl :) I love the little follower thingy, hehe. I am trying to learn, but my kids drive me up the wall LOL Congrats again!!
from dandefire :
Hey, thanks for the note. I have sooo much to write about, but so far I have just been playing around so I will get writing asap :) Right after my kids fall asleep hehe...
from starkitten01 :
I locked my diary for awhile. I tried to e-mail you, but it was returned saying the e-mail is not active. Please e-mail me for the password, hun. At starDELETETHISkitten@hush.ai. Thanks!
from politics101 :
dear tracy: this is melanie and i just was catching up on all the diaries i haven't had time to read in ages. you are just like me, we do NOT GIVE UP. having MS does NOT mean that we are bound for a life in a wheelchair. i'm going on 17 years now with this, 6 years progressive and let me tell you - i walk, ride a bike, i can do anything the (heat) will allow. you'll find that special place for you, i know it. read my entry from wednesday (i think that was the day) and keep that positive energy flowing. love, melanie
from giannarazi :
I'm so sorry things are a bit rough for you. One idea I thought for you, was to take all those offers you have and write down the pros and cons on paper and then look up those cities or locations and see which give you more options of entertainment, sight seeing, and different jobs too. That way, you have endless options of keeping busy and not have to worry about "being a burden." You are not a burden on anyone. Certainly not a burden to your diaryland friends. We love you too much. We only want you to be happy.
from daze-of-rain :
A good test of a friendship is how honest you can be. I am sure if you just said "Hey I appreciate your concern but subtle is really what works best for me" she'd chill. I am the kind of person that even if I have the intention to do something the feeling that I am being "told" to do it saps all motivation from me. If I can't do it on my own terms then I won't be enjoying it. Or maybe I just won't do it all. I am sure she would be very receptive to your opinion. She clearly feels you should be receptive to hers.
from melieann :
HA! i'm back!! check out: politics101.diaryland
from starlight42 :
you can't always be there for a friend, I know it sucks, but it's just impossible some times. How have things been at home? Sounds like not too bad, not too good. Back to school huh? You have a lot of ambition! I'm so glad to be done with that :)
from spit-swallow :
I'm back? I didn't go anywhere...hehe I have been reading every single day I just don't have much to write about lately. I am thinking about doing a full entry tonight though :)
from feverlover21 :
Well I feel so honored to be the topic of your diary. Really i am quite flattered. And me and Becca aren't speaking so I'm glad she called you not me. Honestly she bugs more then life itself. Anyway tell G-pappy to kiss my lil white ass and save the eye rolling for someone who gives a FUCK!! :)
from prowlingleo :
Thanks, hopefully it'll alllll be over tomorrow.
from daze-of-rain :
Ah, sweetie, you are welcome. You know that. I am so glad that my miserable ex could serve some purpose to SOMEONE. lol. I am here for you. And you aren't dumb, just in love. When i figure out the difference I'll let you know. lol hang in there doll. You are stronger than your relationship with him and all you need is some time to prove it to yourself. I am going home mid August...When do you plan on being up there?
from neangel :
just copy the html from your entry page & save it as tracey.html in notepad then send that file to me. I'll work with it & send it back so you don't have to mess with passwords etc...
from prowlingleo :
Yay, thanks for joining the Class of 1993 ring!
from spit-swallow :
I know the feeling of having someone treat you like shit then expect everything to be OK. I put up with his shit for many more months than I should have because I was afraid to be alone (not saying that you are or anything but that was mt reason). I really hope you can get him to leave you alone.
from daze-of-rain :
rofl dear lord, girl. I know this place. After I stopped putting out MY mrbigdaddy was king of gentlemans. He took me out. He was considerate. This all added up to create the last night we were together. He was so sweet for so long and I yearned for him so much. So I called him and asked him to come over. And he did. He drove two hours just to see me. He took off of work to stay with me. He was sweet and attentive and wonderful. He was the man he should have been in our relationship...And for a minute I was fooled. So...be careful.
from prowlingleo :
Hehe thanks for the guestbook entry. I love this one, may keep it for a while...hehe then again, I've said that before haven't I? Poor James only got about two/three weeks. I missed Lex, saw that pic, and had to have it.
from neangel :
hey darlin want to meet at the gym today after work?
from prowlingleo :
Wishing you a happy 4th, and thank you for giving me a great read!
from prowlingleo :
Hehe thanks for voting for Lex!
from starlight42 :
That was very nice of you to be the bigger person and give him a ride. :) I know, I hate flies too. Well, have a good 4th too!
from prowlingleo :
I like seeing you in better moods :)
from starlight42 :
That's so sad about your 3 friends. what a horrible year that must have been for you!!
from neangel :
I am getting how to lose a man in ten days tonight. do you want to come over & watch it with me? we can stay in & eat left overs, drink more smirnoff & talk without peoples bugging us to go play pool! I had so much fun, thank you again for coming over! I miss that!
from neangel :
Well darlin you can come over right after work if you want & we can start drinking some vino right away! lol We could even go for a walk if you want. why wait for red? lol I was thinking that dinner will be ready around 7ish. I am making two & red doesn't usually get home until 6:45 so Maybe eating around 7:30 ish. I'll play it by ear.
from neangel :
No! You should come over for dinner & watch the taping of me on MTV! I am having anyone & everyone who wants to come over for some good angel tj's pizza & MTV tonight. Come oVer!!!
from neangel :
a girl can day dream right?
from neangel :
I know I will miss you too! He seems really sweet & he is definitely cute! You go girl! I am hoping that suisse asks me to stay & live w/ him... *sigh* but i don't think that is going to happen. I would too that is the sad part. I'd make a compromise with him: If I stayed until FT office is open we would both move & buy a house... lol
from daze-of-rain :
If I was closer, you wouldn't have to force me out. I would go willingly. lol
from daze-of-rain :
I am in the Central Valley now. And I hate CA by the way. lol No offence to those that love it. I am from WA state originally. Across the water from Seattle. It is so lovely there. Plan to be going home july or aug.
from starlight42 :
that plan might work...
from spit-swallow :
Wow, I was very touched by your entry about your dad. I lost my dad just over 2 years ago and all the things you think about that he will miss out on are the same things I think about and all the things you remember him for are the same things I remember. I was always with my dad when I was little. Building things, fixing things, well, I guess I was more just getting dirty but he liked having me around. My dad aswell had a short temper but like you I choose to file away the special memories and all the special things we did and not remember his one flaw (everyone has atleast one after all). Just wanted to leave you a note and tell you that the entry touched me and that I know how you feel about everything (including the wishing you had told him how much you loved him). It's kinda weird because just the other day I wrote an entry remembering my dad too. I hope the day wasn't to hard for you. ~Nixy
from prowlingleo :
Yay :)
from daze-of-rain :
I have to write here because I signed your guestbook so recently...First off...I laughed my ASS off at "remedial". He most certainly is. And I think if she was truly "THE one" they would have been able to work out whatever issues that drove them apart to begin with. SInce he is living with you, she must NOT be the one. Damn me and my logic. And who needs to be "almost" to anyone? You most certianly don't. I swear to you there is a man out there that will see you as everything you should be seen as. No go friggin find him already!!! :)
from neangel :
three? you actually think bigloser will let another man into the house? you better get sneaky & have newbie come over after 8:30 cause that I just don't see happening.
from neangel :
Ooh damn girl. three strikes all ready. Hmm don't get too close just have fun. I know the distance not to mention fighting or having to split his time between his kids & you will not make for a happy neighbor girl. but it could be a nice romp in the hay for a couple days.
from neangel :
so who's this new guy? tell me all about him! does he have kids? been married? need therapy? lol
from starlight42 :
So Mr Redemption can't move in? At least it sounds like Mr BigDaddy is trying, but I'm sure you know how long that will last! Good luck with everything. I hope it works out
from prowlingleo :
Just be careful, think it through, make sure it won't have consequences...if it brings happiness? Go for it.
from prowlingleo :
Whatever it is, don't do it!
from neangel :
Umm spill it girl! what's going on??!?!?
from neangel :
suisse texted messaged me last night - goodnight sweet dreams - I think he is starting to emerge from his cave - too bad I was passed out & it was sent at 12:41 am
from starlight42 :
wow, what a jerk! thank god you are getting away from him. I'm sorry to hear that things haven't been going your way lately. I hope they turn around soon :)
from neangel :
What's that new link "fastupdate" thingy? How do you see the results?
from neangel :
Okay I will refrain from further contact. I haven't heard from him again anyways. I responded to that email with "does this mean it's over?" so far nothing. I have to stop thinking about it. I can't email him or call him anymore - but it's just so hard! All I want to do is have him hold me & say everything is going to be all right.
from neangel :
I know I am doing the best I can to keep from crying here at work. We have to go out tonight & pretend. Should I tell Suisse that i will be at cheers so he doesn't accidently show up?
from proofrok :
I'm supposed to be taking betaseron but I have yet to start on my shots. I don't even want to go into why-I guess it's denial-I keep telling myself my symptoms aren't that bad. Even when sometimes they are.
from proofrok :
Do you have relapsing and remitting MS? I've found stress really does a number on me too-more in my legs and hips. Tingling, numbness, dull pain. What meds do you take if any? (Aside from Wellbutrin.)
from bloodyrose1 :
Hiya! Thanks for leaving a message. Things are going good atm...I hope everything is ok with you! If you want my password you are more than welcome! Take Care!!!!! :) xoxoxox
from neangel :
I am way over my minutes so I am just gonna come over around 545 is that okay?
from neangel :
Hells YES! I am coming over after work to smoke a FAT Bowl & grab that book... that is if you don't mind! ;)
from neangel :
Hey I spoke to my mom re: the coffee table. She bought it a little over one year ago for well over 300 bucks. So letís say 250 for both coffee table & couch. Is that okay? 100 couch & 150 for coffee table.
from proofrok :
awww...thanks for taking my suggestion. it works very well. just so you know i certainly would have kept reading even if you hadn't taken it, and i really do like the watery background-i just like the rain, i guess.
from spotliterr :
Hey, I'd love to go on a hppy-man-bashing spree for ya but I can't. Not all men suck. You'll find the perfect guy. Just don't let assholes like that one crush you. He's not worth it.
from maru :
that boy of yours needs to TAKE A HIKE!! Yeah!! Don't worry about him, boys are losers. I LOVE your layout, it's gorgeousness!! My browser won't let me go to signmyguestbook pages, so please allow me to wish you a Happy Guestbook Signing Week here in your notes. Feel free to copy paste this note into your guestbook on my behalf :) Anyways, if you ever just wanna randomly babble to someone, please, be my guest - my contact info is on my diarypage somewhere. Chin up, boys suck!! Hakuna matata, maru
from hope-street :
wick-a, wick-a Chooo Chooo
from fangtastic4 :
cool diary, u must have an interesting life.
from fan4 :
I tried going to your diary today, but all I got was a white screen. I'm sorry for this. I'll be removing your diary from my fave. list.
from feverlover21 :
I want a hedgehog!!!! At least till my lil rat comes along. I need a pet that does then eat sleep and poop. And to think he can do all 3 at once...what a talent..:P
from prowlingleo :
I know this is officialy random guestbook signing week, but I'm making it a 'thank you for reading me' day. So here is me, thanking you, for continuing to read me.
from neangel :
Hallelujah!
from prowlingleo :
Sweet dreams sweetie.
from prowlingleo :
See? I TOLD you it would get better lol. Hey, what do I know ;) Still not you moving, but maybe a better solution for now with everything else involved. It's also good he's moving out of state, will make things a lot easier. Hang in there sweetie...
from giannarazi :
I understand how you feel about hating the feeling and hating the whole situation. I'm unable to post in my diary, but I feel the same way. I feel I'm going to lose Shannon to his mom and I feel that he won't EVER choose me over her if it comes down to it. Shannon and I have a history and I'm like you, wanting him to see what he's missing! I'm like you, I'd like to be somewhere else. You want someone else, that is natural. I don't want anyone else. I just want peace and happiness.
from starkitten01 :
You're better off with out him. I'm sure of it.
from lovebleeds4u :
thank you.
from neangel :
Yeah I am cancelling my chiro appt to head to the gym. If you're there I'll see ya! I have to go & tonight is cheers so I will not wait until late - plus then I will never get to sleep. i need my booty sleep
from neangel :
don't know about the yoga class but I am headed there after work regardless to work out
from prowlingleo :
Okay, listed your latest entry under my favorite entries...this way I can just give you the link everytime you need a reminder ;)
from neangel :
yeah I gotcha! so ready for the weekend all ready... is that a bad thing? So is gijoe gonna live with you, have you talked this over with bigdaddy?
from neangel :
Ooh hun if I ran into Ed Burn I would do much more than just grab him for both of us! nice happy lil thoughts that carry me through the day!
from prowlingleo :
Thanks for the comments, my heart goes out to him about the kids. Happy birthday to him, I hope you're finding the happiness you deserve.
from neangel :
that link is funny . the first pic on the page is the eye of Ra yet they call it horus. but then below they have the right eye. or left eye rather but the right pic of the eye of horus. hahaha
from neangel :
really? does it look like the eye of horas when you look at the reflection of the eye of ra? cause it is the opposite of it's reflection on your shoulder. I could be wrong I don't remember too clearly now. my guy was a hottie wasn't he? I think I heard him say something about his bachelor party. damn it the best ones are always married or committed!
from neangel :
not quite clear. we were talking about seeing bruce almighty or doing the tavern thing. you should come with, you and I can spend some quality time hangin out. you & I can paly some pool or hang out outside & smoke/drink. That way he can hang with the boys & I can hang with my girl!
from neangel :
Wee hoo! the pic is back wards from your tat but it's no biggy. when you look at it in the mirror it looks like that. what's the plan for tonight? mstornado never showed up & I couldn't get ahold of her at all when I was leaving
from prowlingleo :
Yup, same movie. During the carnival scene when he first meets the girl. I'm back and fourth between Lost Boys and The Breakfast Club! It's a movie day for sure.
from prowlingleo :
Oh sure, thanks, now put THAT song in my head. How about the I Still Believe scene with that hotty playing the sax?? Oh you are evil!
from neangel :
call me @ work & I'll tell you
from neangel :
yeah I read that. it's fine by me. are you meeting me at my work then going together?
from giannarazi :
Life does go on yes! Keeping busy is the key! Hang out with your friends! Do take time for yourself. Enjoy a wonderful sunset! Enjoy the birds. I'll email you several things later. Hang in there and know we're thinking of you.
from prowlingleo :
No you rock! Love ya sweetie.
from neangel :
I would hope so. see you then
from neangel :
I know that you love me darlin & thank you in regards to my mom I will do just that. it's a 6 o'clock gym date for positive!
from neangel :
YES let's go! I'll be ready to go @ 6 pm. I just need to stop by the pharm & then grab my shiznit from home. Meet ya there @ 6?
from neangel :
Tor never stops meowing & buggin me. he bugs swissy the most when we are sleeping though, that's just cause he can't stand him (swissy doesn't really like animals)
from neangel :
Tor never stops meowing & buggin me. he bugs swissy the most when we are sleeping though, that's just cause he can't stand him (swissy doesn't really like animals)
from neangel :
Yeah no shit. I flake on myself & my own cat!
from neangel :
Uuh yeah I have only been there once since then. i'm a slacker as well
from neangel :
I will for sure I need to be getting my arse into the gym. So you have been going regularly? why haven't you called me to join you? where's the love? lol just kidding
from neangel :
Sure thang sugar! I don't think I am. I know he wants me to but i need to stay in for Torin. He has been alone since Thursday pretty much. I have a chiro appt at 6 but I was thinking of going to the gym as well. 9 is a little late for me. I didn't get home until 3:30 from vegas so i'm exhausted. i might be asleep by 9. i'll call you though when I leave the chiro.
from neangel :
what is the script for that scrolling message that you have? where do you add it in html? that is pretty nifty & I have never noticed it before on your diary
from prowlingleo :
If I didn't say it already, thanks for filling out my drama survey! Been trying to find answers to a current situation without actually talking about the drama, tis the hidden reason for the survey. But it's working, I'm discovering new ways of dealing with things. Thanks again sweetie.
from neangel :
Call to remind me & I will. couch summer? Cua?
from neangel :
I was at cheers on sunday night & no one showed up. is he gonna stop by tomorrow to cheers?
from neangel :
ooh yeah I remember him talking about his friend in Holland. that's great news I can't wait to see him too!`
from neangel :
Yay is he actually coming back here first?
from neangel :
well let me know what you plan on doing. I don't know where I'll be at now. too much in my head. I might just need to go work out to stop thinking
from neangel :
no clue porque?
from neangel :
work out today after work?
from neangel :
sure thang. I just have to be back to the cheeses for the game @ noon
from neangel :
reread first two words of last note. He doesn't deserve to know anything about your life. is doesn't even deserve to be in it or a part of it, even if it was just being a piece of corn in your bowel movements.
from neangel :
fuck him. even if he has tonight off go and do your thang with leivy. he doesn't own you. you deserve a night away from satan
from neangel :
Call me if you are planning to possibly stop by cheers. I would love to see you two
from neangel :
I'm meeting with the Aussie since he is in town for a couple days for dinner & drinks. I am bringin cheese with me & I think we are headed to Cheers after drinks. We should be at Cheers around 9ish
from neangel :
seriously my eyes started tearing up when I read that. *big hugs* I am proud to call you my friend as well.
from neangel :
thank you baby.
from prowlingleo :
I say you deserved the lipstick! Be a rebel!
from neangel :
Who is mr zingers again?
from prowlingleo :
Don't doubt the day, enjoy the memory instead. If it takes a turn for the worst, so be it. At least you had today, sometimes one day makes up for years, weird isn't it?
from neangel :
okay I think I will be there right after work, I don't want to go home cause if I do I bought a desk from ikea for 30 bucks & I know I'll start putting it together & then never go to the gym
from neangel :
So that means we'll meet there at 6?
from neangel :
what time is yoga today?
from neangel :
as long as I get the girl in the end I will be happy. heehe
from neangel :
nope mats & funky music is provided for us with our payment of 2 dollars. I want my two dollars! lmao
from prowlingleo :
I am actually quite proud of you for how you're handeling things so far. Strength is full of weaknesses, but you seem to be doing fine. I know you'll be okay. Love ya sweetie.
from neangel :
perfect I'll go with you to yoga instead.
from neangel :
still going to the gym tonight directly after work?
from feverlover21 :
well i'm glad. now that you are in a man hateing mood can you kill hairy for me please? he has a new chick now that he met last night...and i'm jealous...should i be? well i am even though i have a guy..grrr kill him!!
from giannarazi :
Hey there!! I finally got with the program. Sorry it took me so long. Here I was thinking I had to be a paying member to get NOTES. Sheesh! I apologize for taking so long! I posted a reply for you in my diary, so check it out when you get some time. And again, thanks for showing me how to turn on Notes.
from neangel :
Yay you go girl!
from neangel :
sure thang darlin bring me some h2o!
from neangel :
I got my shiznit & I am all ready to bust some sweat!
from neangel :
I have to run home @ lunch to grab my stuff I got distracted on my way over to swiss' & forgot it but it's no biggie. *thanks for the mention in the diary!* love you darlin
from neangel :
Today is the day to bust our asses @ the gym! We will be fit & hotter than hotties!
from neangel :
I'll work on it if you do.
from neangel :
Danka darlin anastasia! I feel as if I am slipping into insanity today... can I just bury my head in my pillow & sleep my life away?
from neangel :
baby steps hun & I will be there with you the entire way!
from neangel :
Sure thang Toots! Just gimme a call. I think my phone no longer knows your number! just kidding. we never talk anymore. I miss our conversations! Damn it it's all big loser's fault! lol
from neangel :
Rx in effect - we can do it!
from neangel :
Hey darlin go to Bally's that is where membership is at & then we can be work out buddies. It's really cheap too. I had a 29/mo plan. 29 up front & 29 a mo. It' right by Pier 1 Imports on ET. I haven't gone in over three months but I am fully paid for there until august 04. Let's do it! Franchesca & Anastasia operation GOMA!
from starkitten01 :
Thank you, that means a lot to me. :o)
from neangel :
Ooh no! What'd you find?
from neangel :
I keep telling myself that we are together every single night/day so no worries
from neangel :
Ah tell me about it. I had the op this morning to look through it before I left but I resisted. damn text messaging!
from neangel :
but of course darling!
from neangel :
okay so call me & come over and hang out with your old friend angel! lol
from feverlover21 :
oki...i know you check your notes so if you've decided to ignore go on with it..i did my part
from feverlover21 :
sorry to make it so long..venting
from feverlover21 :
I'm assumeing your referring to me because quite hontesly I've given up on counting on you to go with me. All the times we go out are when YOU want to go and not when we Both want to go. And yes I told Amy that I have given up on counting on you. The reason I pressure you so much is because you need to get out of that damn house and away from that man. If you look at all your entries all you do is talk talk talk and never do it. I get all excited that you might come out only to get shot down and it's not always your health. It's the car the boyfriend the whatever. So I'm tired of asking..if I see you somewhere I'm not gonna ignore you and if you have full intions of going out we'll see but I'm not holding my breath...I still love you but I'm not helping you if you aren't gonna help yourself
from z0tl :
oh, yeah, sorry about that, i leave that empty note so i know i've been there before and read a few entries and perhaps should read more, time permitting. i'm psyched you hopped around thru my messes :z
from z0tl :
from feverlover21 :
witing=writing
from feverlover21 :
It's so true about being happy and not witing as much. It's so much more fun to bitch though huh? :P
from neangel :
Oops Vadim had my pwd for my privates... I'm in trouble!
from feverlover21 :
You'll be oki..just be careful is all..tell ya what if i have to kill her..i will..:P
from feverlover21 :
Tick tock Tick tock..lol anyway I had a blast last night and I'm glad you did too. I just want you happy tracey thats all. I was there and in heart I'll be there for awhile and it hurts to see a friend there. Just do something you needed to do a long time ago. Put yourself first.:P
from feverlover21 :
Well geez at laest someone else sees how big that damn car is. I felt like i should go beep beep when I backed up. Anyway I'm sorry last night was so bad. What do you think of Termite? I think it's a big step up from Hairy huh?
from neangel :
Thanks babe! So how'd the night end? I am so sorry that he was such an arse last night. did you finally get home @ a semi-decent time?
from feverlover21 :
uh huuuuh. I called you that night and you were all out of it. and that was after hrs. if you had called me crying i'd call you back in a few mins if anything to be sure...i'm sorry i might have overreacted but thats just me i guess.
from feverlover21 :
I was not implying anything...I just kinda thought after all the ups and downs you and I have have gone through with our men a little support from you was all I needed. We have some things in common with our guys as we have discussed and I just think I'd have been there for you a little bit more..but no biggie..I'll make it through on my own...as I always have.
from raven72d :
Spanish '80s music... the concept alone baffles me.
from prowlingleo :
I have had your diary in my faves on my computer for a while, don't know why it took me so long to add you. Hehe be warned, I'm about to dig deep into your diaryland past ;)
from neangel :
Hun we all are crazy & have our own neurosis. until you end up in a padded room you are normal, we all are!
from neangel :
Who the hell is he talking to at a hotel? Must be some ghetto ass girl! lol
from neangel :
you go girl! let me know what happens! hehehe da rat bastard!
from neangel :
Sounds like we are returning to the Moo factor... he's old cow, get a new one! honey I love ya, call me later. Swiss and I are going to watch dreamcatcher at some point.
from neangel :
Baby you're alive! yay! I was like in 6th grade when desert storm was going on. nice. you should come out w/ windy, cole & myself tonight. We're going to hooter's first then Chaser's and then who knows... a night out on the town!
from neangel :
ahh darlin! I would love to watch ricki lake with you! damn work why can't it just go away? jk
from feverlover21 :
awww you oki my poor lil baby? I wanna turn you loose on mt atm....only bad thing is I don't have 80.00,,:P Anyway feel better hunny.
from feverlover21 :
See do I know you or what? Who loves you...let me hear it...lol I only have two songs on my daredevil cd can you be a sweetie and burn me some plus michals cd? I loooooove you forever!!!!
from neangel :
I had the best weekend too! cuddled all last night w/ the cheese! ;)
from neangel :
Meet me at my tag if you can!
from neangel :
Meet me at my tag if you can!
from neangel :
Omg! what a freak! What ring is he talking about? an engagement ring? If so he gave it to you and that is a verbal agreement and even the cops wouldn't let him take it back.
from neangel :
I was so gonna mention that in my diary today - squirrelx... I am so sick of that layout
from raven72d :
Thanks! Wuff!
from neangel :
yeah i hear that one loud & clear! but i would have never thunk it that anything would have started w/ v. DOH!
from neangel :
Dat be the one! Hmmm lots of kissing and cuddling. he is i guess separated/ has been for 9 months, hasn't dated since the separation. bummer there. but we made out in until 3 am. he says i am trouble...lol Well hell we all knew that one! he's gonna call me tonight. hmm he wanted to take me home but i actually said no! can you believe that one?!? how am i gonna keep this one out of my diary? i think v has my pw for the privates... uuh ooh dating on d-land just got more complicated!
from neangel :
The swiss guy I was playing pool with... lol Arnaud (prncd arnol)
from neangel :
Ahh Yay! Last night was so much fun! I ended up with switzerland last night! *and I am not talking about playing pool... ;)
from neangel :
I can't wait until st. patties this wkend so I can link to last years! lmao! wouldn't it be funny if history repeated itself with the crab?? too funny but I don't think I'd take him home again.
from neangel :
Ahh ha that is too funny, if he calls again send him over to franchesca darling! btw I talked to V until well after midnight last night! Such a cute lil southern drawl! Hmm. I think i picked up on it and am talking funny today! lol
from neangel :
yeah you're telling me! did I tell you he might be visiting me at the end of the month?? his d-land name is thirdferro. he has been through a lot though and this is my first one that has a baby. *cross my fingers* lol
from neangel :
lol so did you see my new hottie?
from neangel :
you are a wicked lil dare devil you! lol
from neangel :
Hmm. while the cats away the mice will play? I think his conscience might be getting to him? no sex in a while, the excuse and now the accusations towards you... could be the old saying "who ever smelt it dealt it". lmao. i hope not.
from feverlover21 :
Hey Dan Josh's roomie saw that same exact rainbow!! Wierd huh? Anyway feel better..:P
from feverlover21 :
you'll be oki if you allow yourself to heal...YOU'LL BE OKI..:P
from feverlover21 :
Well sometimes history beats the hell out of the present.
from raven72d :
Cranberry w/ club soda isn't bad.
from feverlover21 :
I wanna come!! Invite me !!! Meee Meeee!!!
from feverlover21 :
At least you didn't kill him this morning...hope you guys do better. Josh and I seem to be but maybe thats cause....I get what I want from others..hee heee..:P
from emanate :
I am in Athens, GA. Too far away. But I am going tomorrow to the karaoke bar in Covington, and I will definitely think of you while I am complaining to my friends about everything, and that's almost the same thing. Can't wait. I don't think dating exes is a good idea either. Time does make one more confused. Good Luck. Being alone is very hard. I jump into things way too quickly. But you're supposed to try and find yourself, or something like that. :)
from emanate :
I wish I could sing/drink with you.
from emanate :
Drink one (or sing one)for me, baby. I understand. Me, too. It will all be okay. Focus on the positive.
from mindfighter :
OH MAN...what is that unsturdy line from...I know the line but cant place it...you MUST tell me...leave me a note...and BTW...HI, havent talked for a bit..hope this finds you well...John
from neangel :
just let go! it was good seeing you there as well! I was sooo wasted, but what's new? lol
from neangel :
Ugh, well hun D tried the same thing when we first moved in. "let's have a 2 bdrm so we can each have our own room/space, but we'll share a bed everynight" you know what happened? she was cheating on me before we even moved in together! Hmm it seems the guilt is what needed the other room! but he has kids to think about so maybe...? you know i love ya & I will always be here for ya.
from feverlover21 :
Good luck training that one...I'd try it on Hairy but he doesn't go to a job so sadly he never leaves the damn house. Sheesh...find me a man!! Help!!!!!!!!!!! No car needed just a job!!! See you tonight my lovie
from neangel :
when's the band wagon leaving? I hadn't heard from you about when & what time etc... so I didn't know if you were still going or not. Call me
from ladybugge :
Thanks for stopping by and signing my guestbook. I can't seem to read your diary, it seems to only display the last line (links) on my 'puter. It's a bummer. Hope it's a good day. L
from neangel :
Ahh you broke the cat, i have done the same many times... they like to lick themselves back to working order. they just need the time alone. lol
from beagle47 :
hey! i just noted that you listed me as a favortie entry. thanks a lot, really! you won't believe how flattered i get over these things. thanks! peace.
from neangel :
Ooh no third wheel action goin on. We can all go to a movie or something... there are alot of movies I want to see. Yeah I am leaving in a few minutes & want to get my footsies done... let's go!
from neangel :
call me when big poppa leaves for the night. you can hang out with me & my jock... lol I want to know what you think of him. I am having dinner with my friend becky & her old man since she is here visiting from NY. We should be all wrapped up with that by the time your poppa leaves! i miss hanging out with you chica!
from neangel :
what ya doin after work? I need to get a pedicure wanna go with me?
from neangel :
Remember this? Can you believe it has been this long?http://neangel.diaryland.com/thecall.html Ooh and I will fill you in on all of it laters... did you read todays private entry? you so have to! lol
from neangel :
i got me some... finally!
from beagle47 :
"Pie Jesu" by Charlotte Church, that's the one. that was the first time i'd heard it. good one, eh? peace.
from neangel :
darlin you are so beautful i don't know what you are talking about! lol Love~ Francesca
from starkitten01 :
Thanks so much for your entry in my guestbook the other day. :) I appreciate it so much, and I'm hanging in there. I'm hoping that this finds you well too :) *hugs*, SK01
from owcowkee :
i really enjoy your diary! thanks for being yourself.
from mindfighter :
check your e-mail
from mindfighter :
hey I got your note..but had to delete it...ya know..for uumm personal reasons...and I will keep trying
from mindfighter :
HEY...my connection got lost...sorry..it wont hook back up..I will keep trying...John
from mindfighter :
HEY do you have a messenger..like yahoo..if you do..turn it on and message troublemaker_vtec I will be at work ALL night...hope to hear from you...John
from feverlover21 :
D?? No I broke the only one I had..sorry..:( But if I get a new one you'll be the next to use it..what are friends for..:P
from neangel :
bagumabenoba (check this diary out, he started it cause of me... this is the guy I am talking to from yahoo personals! lemme know what you think!)
from feverlover21 :
Hmm your gift huh? Bring 4 AA batteries and my couch is waiting for ya. BZZZZZZZZZZZ
from neangel :
look ^
from neangel :
http://neangel.diaryland.com/private/ you have to go here to read it I guess
from neangel :
sorry I am there now
from neangel :
hey meet me at my tag and I'll give you the pw to read my first private entry! lol
from beagle47 :
thank you, psyched. i will as i am one of the lucky ones. i hope you find everything wonderful the universe has hidden for you today. happy valentine's. peace.
from raven72d :
Thanks, girl... And a lovely V-Day to you as well.
from mindfighter :
It seems to be going away, the rain that is...and what part of California are you from?..I am in Riverside...John
from emanate :
I had one for you. Good luck with the rain. It must really be gloomy for such a sunny place.
from neangel :
meet me at my tag
from mindfighter :
I hate the rain...hate it hate it hate it...did I tell you that I hate the rain yet?..if not I DO!...:D..take care...John
from feverlover21 :
Sometimes I wonder if I have a boyfriend or a child. I'm telling yeah we should go out on friday. I need a girls night and I have a stroooong feeling I'll be single on that day. Grrrrrrrrrrr..:(
from neangel :
Finally the scrubs get out of the passenger side! lol
from mindfighter :
I wrote about you today...hope you dont mind...and you are now on my favorites list...take care...John
from feverlover21 :
Oki Oki..g-pappy it is. Only for my love...:P
from mindfighter :
As weird as this sounds...you are on your path..I bet most of those people that you talked about that were already carving out their lot in life probably took a few turns they weren't expecting to take...you are just fine...be you...and be you the best you can be..sometimes that is hard enough to get done, nevermind what life throws at us....John..P.S. love the layout..it fits your writing style..
from neangel :
Hey meet me at my tag
from neangel :
lmao! yeah that's an arse I never want to see again!
from neangel :
Really? the spongy spencer crab? lol how funny is that! I guess he's found a new booty call at ridgecrest!
from crackheadred :
if i put her on block.then i wont have any funny shyz to post up later.....LOL
from feverlover21 :
The inn's all full huh?lol You crack me up...well if you ever get too many animals over send them to me..I could use the lovin..:P
from neangel :
Ooh no what happened now? lmao
from neangel :
if was so nice getting back into the groove of things... I miss the good old days!
from neangel :
Well you are not the only one sad to say... the only friends of mine that showed up were Dui with Jim, Wes & Nestor... but all my neightbors came & brought all their w**D & stuff so it was high times... lol - it's sad to think that my neighbors are more reliable than my friends... lol JK
from neangel :
Well Anastasia darlin I would dine with you at your indian place but I neverhave received my invitation... it seems to have been lost in the mail... love francesca
from beagle47 :
psyched, if you failed that quiz it must be flawed...i am taking it off the play list immediately! thanks for spotting it. p.s. your entries make me think "name names" everytime, like reading a newspaper article peppered with quotes from confidential sources...fascinating!
from neangel :
you know my advice... I wish I could tell ya more but it is all up to you girl... p.s get out of the house & see my new place all ready! lol
from neangel :
You can help me out the last of the lil shit @ my mom's house... just kitchen, bathroom stuff! I would <3 you forever & a day! drinks & el conejo on me of course!
from neangel :
Hey meet me at my tag-board
from neangel :
ooh huney you know now that I am moved you can always come over here!
from neangel :
Uum can I say Finally?? Welcome to the crackhouse... from the same singers of you suck might I add is an interesting song... Ooh I ma starting to move in today... know anyone with a truck that can help?? besides amy, i can't do that one again.. lol
from starkitten01 :
I joined your 'heartbroken' ring b/c, well, I'm just that myself....I'll be coming back for updates--hang in there.. StarKitten01
from beagle47 :
Hello...thanks for visiting and hang-in. It's a long winding road and this is likely only one small pothole.
from neangel :
I feel ya I'd rather go through the excruciating pain of giving birth to them if I am going to be living with them! lol Hey we can chat via my tag board much faster if ya go to my diary page.. I'll meet ya there
from neangel :
OOh yeah that's right! GGd! you might as well start pickin strawberries cuz u gonna b livin lyk da vatos! lol
from neangel :
Ooh I won't go there... I am bored here at work but have soo much I should be doing... what's wrong with me? I am drinking a venti vanilla latte and still I wanna go back to bed!
from neangel :
OMFG! WOW! How long have they been together? I can't believe he actually gave out the address to the batcave let alone moved a girl in! lol
from neangel :
huh... so diamond got married? that is the Batman from the Batcave right? so am I completely wrong? I forget...
from feverlover21 :
Well I'm sorry your love life is not going well. Mine has taken a long drop too. Do you think I'm overacting on the puberty comment. Well I'm gonna do some laundry today lets meet after work for drinks...wanna? love ya hun
from raven72d :
I hope you find someone who deserves you.
from raven72d :
Wuff! Thank you so vur' much...
from neangel :
Ya it is the one where Becca lives.. i thought michael and them lived there too.. Ooh well. I am excited no matter what! I move in on the 26th! WootWoot!
from neangel :
NO! Don't got to Lightning you will only end up with burns baby! Dump both the losers and come have singles fun again! I miss you poopy head get out of the hizouse! Ooh btw I got the apt I wanted at SBRanch...
from mindfighter :
Thanks for stopping by...I have read a bit of yours..you are very good at wearing your heart on your sleeve...some think that is a weakness..I actually prefer it in people...keep writing..I will keep reading
from raven72d :
Ummmm... When life gives you lemons, put 'em in the freezer 'til they're rock-hard, then go up on the highest near-by building and drop them on the unsuspecting.
from invisibledon :
thanks for visiting
from enidhere :
Thank you for wanting me to come back.
from raven72d :
And people wonder why I no longer fly!
from feverlover21 :
Hurry home!!! We all miss you and love you and I can't wait to see all your pics. if you need a ride from the airport let me know I have friday off. I love ya hurry home!!!!
from raven72d :
Being a small turtle isn't bad. Many children's books have cute turtles as main figures, and of course everyone loves Squirtle from Pokemon!
from raven72d :
Wuff! Thank you muchly! And I hope your '03 is a great one as well.
from neangel :
last night, that guy that I told you about from cheers that you don't remember & it just happened! We were just chillin watchin tv or listening to music then next thing we were kissin then strippin & having fun! I will tell you more later when I call ya tonight after I am off of work! Love ya miss ya like crazy girl!
from neangel :
last night, that guy that I told you about from cheers that you don't remember & it just happened! We were just chillin watchin tv or listening to music then next thing we were kissin then strippin & having fun! I will tell you more later when I call ya tonight after I am off of work! Love ya miss ya like crazy girl!
from neangel :
OMG I had sex last night! I just had to tell you this news...
from raven72d :
I'm terrified to fly myself, but I hope you had a great trip... Enjoy the holidays!
from raven72d :
Thanks... And I hope your own holidays go well... (And $1.2 million isn't bad at all!)
from feverlover21 :
Juuuuust a question...when are you leaving? I have not seen any dates. Hmmm if you leave be sure to call me to say bi bi..oki?:(
from feverlover21 :
Move the clock?? Are you out of your mind?? The clock was there first...I say you put g-pappy on the floor and leave the clock alone. I'm just kidding....maybe moving the clock is the right thing. I guess...I'm such a bitch...why do I have a guy that that even wants to date me. I do have one....don't I?
from neangel :
Gawd Anastasia I am soo sick it is unbelievable! I feel like Poo on a spit roasting with the chestnuts over the x-mas fire and I have no car!
from saneorinsane :
Check out my poetry and tell me what you think? Thanks if you do.
from neangel :
Ooh no it's not a last minute thing, I will be leaving sometime friday if I do go, but it all depends on my brakes - if I can get them fixed by then. With this weather there is no way I am driving through San Francisco with no brakes! lol But if you'd feel better making other arrangements that is fine, what ever makes you more comfortable sweetie! I just decided the trip last night and it is also dependent on whether they are closing the office monday. I'll call you later!
from neangel :
Dumbass! I responded by leaving a note for myself! lol from neangel : I will let you know, it depends on if I am in town still.
from neangel :
Ooh shiznit! I am taking you to the airport when again?
from neangel :
I will! He has read all of what I wrote since friday or whenever he read last... I wonder what he thinks of all of this...
from neangel :
Ummm........NOOOOOO. It didn't work the first, second or third time! It never worked?? Do you not forget two second man? Owes you how much for a cell bill he ran up? No boyfriend here.. no not aque' (forgets how to spell simple spanish) Call me, I have lost my voice and am going home soon.
from feverlover21 :
Wow...i'm all updated..wahoo...long week for both of us hunny. I'm glad we hung out at the whorehouse even for a bit..i miss that...i hope we can do it more..much love my lil love
from sins-to-tell :
If you have a dark secret to tell.....come rid yourself of the guilt in this public diary.
from neangel :
Please edit "This is(was) a relationship...not a dictatorship!" I believe the correct sentence is: This is (was) a dictatorship... not a relationship!
from neangel :
Ooh i love you too! I have missed seeing your name online!
from neangel :
Right on Fevagirl! I was just gonna say... Don't walk... RUN! RUN FOREST RUN! Btw check out this one http://fifties-doll.diaryland.com/index.html
from feverlover21 :
hey now...if your walking away i'm comming with ya. Lets not walk..i say we run...
from rockonbytch :
thanx!!
from feverlover21 :
wahoooo...pack heavy cause we juust might not come back...did you get my message i left on your phone..call me at work when you can i need a small favor..how ya feeling anyway? smoochezzzzz
from feverlover21 :
ohh you poor lil dear. no wonder you and I have so much in common. we both cause terror and madness in such uncany ways. Anyway my love take care and next time drain the tub sooner..:P
from neangel :
tatoo? when did this get decided? call me woman!
from raven72d :
Being a six-pack ahead (brand?) is always good...
from rockonbytch :
i like yur diary!take a look @ my diary!if you like it could you add me to yur faves?i'll do the same for you if you will for me!
from neangel :
Ooh baby! We have missed you as well! I forgive ya about TJ's, although last night would have been prime choice to go... it was a dead zone... no one but me and some blue hair shopping... I another two cases errr uh bottles of Shiraz... he he he Love ya!
from feverlover21 :
awww your such a sweetie. It was an awesome day and josh and i...well yeah..we had a great time...i need your adice..i was just offered a horrible telemarketing job that calls businesses and offers long distence..i hated my last one but that was credit cards..this is diferent..the best part is they need people asap..*big shocker*..but it's 10.25 has all paid benefuts..nothing out of pocket..i so need that right now..shall i have hope? advise me oh wise one
from raven72d :
Hah! I recall that film! Johnny Depp (have you seen "Dead Man"?)and...Traci Lords.
from raven72d :
The guy does indeed sound like an asshole. Return to sender. But what film was shot at your old middle school?
from feverlover21 :
thats my job...hey that would not be bad would it? get paid to help my buds..I should be so lucky. Gee maybe thats why I'm involved in wicca huh? duhhh..i'm not the sharpest crayon in the box..but i'm definitly the bightest..:P Have fun tonight and you behave..call me if you need me. Feel free to use the kntting needle if need be.
from raven72d :
Why, thank'ee. Vur' much. The kind words really do mean a lot.
from feverlover21 :
you'll be oki i promise...you need to be honest and tell him how you feel and thats that. I bet he has the best intentions but is a lonely guy. Your a easy girl to fall in love with i tell ya..:P anyway dear honesty is the best policy..i'll light some sage for you right now..you'll be oki..i'll be sure of that
from neangel :
Hun i told you i would go a while back... what time are we leaving? I actually have money now! Who-hoo! thank god for payday... Sorry about not calling you back last night, I got to talking to my mom and her friend about joke-son. Argh!!! I found a possible roommate situation in lb though... Ugh I have to drive my mom to the aeropuerta tomorrow at like 5 am... not looking forward to that one.
from neangel :
Run just as fast as you can To the middle of nowhere To the middle of my frustrated fears And I swear he's just like a suppository Instead of makin' you better, he keep makin' me shit. Lol had to anastasia darling... I love you. Can I be a brides maid?
from feverlover21 :
true..but we can try it right..i think i could take the abuse..i get abused here..plus we can team against them..mention without volt cause i'm quitting them...i can't write more notes i'm getting busted..love ya
from feverlover21 :
oki..i'll pick up 5 but do you think you'll have time to do that much? well heck...i'll get 5 anyway and we'll make do...i don't want to put you through too much trouble..:) i've got 3 calls already on my monster.com resume i only put in yesterday!! wahooo
from feverlover21 :
you are just too sweet..i'm gonna miss ya for the holidays without a doubt..but i'll definitly get that yarn. 2 more will do? use the needle as needed..remember..no mercy,...lol
from feverlover21 :
awww your the best....i'll get the yarn on the way home since it's right by my work..maybe i'll keep the blankie myself..:P your such a doll..?:O)
from feverlover21 :
I'm really sorry things went sour with you and whats his name last night..I'm only kidding bout the name thing. Don't worry my love..josh got jealous at you and I danceing outside when he had that smoke. Those men are just insecure and I'd let him talk till his tounge falls off..but your my girl and they need to deal..:) Don't worry about the blankie..just end it and if it's small let it be..thanx soo much..you saved me..love ya hunny bunny
from feverlover21 :
Oki one hubby I can scare away..but two. You gotta help me...bi the way are you still working on luke's blankie? I'm hoping to have him wrapped in it when I kill him..:P My day has gotten better..Volt can kiss my white ass and I've already got 3 reply's on monster.com...gooo me!!!
from neangel :
I'll try to take my lunch at noon as well and I'll call ya!
from neangel :
Have I told you lately that I love you! Let's get together tonight...
from neangel :
Shit hun I might need a place to live in a month now...
from feverlover21 :
oki he is moving in waaay to fast on my woman..:( so thaaats why you never called me back last night.hmmmm..:P Any my dear...take it as a compliment...I'd buy you cable too if I had the money. Just tell him he needs to take it slower or you'll sick your gaurd lover *hint hint meeee* on him and he'll be a one balled man..got it? Just enjoy it and take it in a stride..:)
from feverlover21 :
well the house he used to live at in moreno valley kinda kicked them out....anyway to make a long story short they are blameing the family for it dieing a few days later..the sad thing is they accepted this case in court..now thaaaaats sad..:) update nerd...i'm dieing over here
from raven72d :
It sounds like a lovely day...
from enidhere :
I'm excited for you. I hope the ginko stuff works out too. Take care of yourself.
from enidhere :
Thanks for the note. Thanks for reading. Hope its a sharp pair of steak knives that you can use in all sort of entertaining ways. Just kidding.
from feverlover21 :
Hey I got my knive set from turning all my ex's gay...yours is probably in the mail....so you going to the hell family party tonight? If you wanna meet up at the starting gate let know. I'm not sure if I'm going to be there for long being that hairy is lagging on the cell phone. Let me know hunny bunny.
from supernigger :
whore..it didn't amuse me
from raven72d :
I so much understand about getting out of the car and just walking away...
from feverlover21 :
Funny you should mention drinking...my work is having this happy hour thing at 530 until whenever..drinks are half price and you can eat a crepe with me..please come...josh can't cause is mom is a bitch and it'll be fun..wanna come? call me at home either way or i'll call you..:P i'll even buy ya drink or two..pleeeeeease
from feverlover21 :
oki..i had to do that so I can be your first creepy girl..:P MOMH is moons over my hammie...aren't you refreshing? Hello?? I'm having a terrible day at work and going straigh to volt after 4..this is out of hand and I just took my paxil..pray to the gods it works or the world might be a scary place
from feverlover21 :
can you hear me?
from feverlover21 :
anyone there?
from feverlover21 :
hello?
from enidhere :
beautiful layout. so refreshing. did you put any thing of the alcoholic nature in the "red zinger"? I go for rum, myself.
from raven72d :
Don't bounce off the walls at work...
from raven72d :
How was the Red Zinger?
from neangel :
Who the hell is this msbrighteyes and why is she being such a bitch! lol just kidding, but seriously who is she, she goes to cheers and I don't know her?
from neangel :
Hey darling... how do you make certain text bold, italic etc... I have not figured this one out yet, could you share?
from feverlover21 :
wahoo..you,me,mr trojan and hairy..can we make it a whole night with granny porn and all..gods i love you..:P
from raven72d :
My dear...working for family is just *never* good!
from raven72d :
I tell my family that I'll deal with them by video message... On any given day I just want to sleep the afternoon away... Books on the floor by my bed, lots of pillows... Red Zinger tea will keep you awake, though...
from feverlover21 :
Tell them you died..that seems to do over well in my family..:P But then again your family is not as twisted as mine is and if they are it's a different twist. Don't do anything you don't want to do hun..tell them you feel ill if need be. Besides we have a hot date on sat reeeeeemember?:P
from raven72d :
Motivation is so killingly hard to find... I seem to be losing all of my own this fall...
from neangel :
Anastasia ~ I will do so post haste! lol luv the incredible Francesca!
from neangel :
Heya Anatasia baba! I am sorry to hear about the family crap. Argh! I am sooo ready to get out of here for the day... getting antsy! Ooh my meeting is postponed and is getting sweeter as time goes on, I will have to fill you in on all the possibilities later tonight! I'll call ya, maybe we can have some wine and movies? Talk to ya later Love Francesca~Dahling!
from raven72d :
I hope Operation GOMA is going well...
from feverlover21 :
Thank you soooo much. It's always good to know someone in this world hears me. I'm having a bad day too and I'd say we both promise to give our first born children if they glady give us a few days off with pay..deal? awww hang in there you always know where the paperclips are..:P
from feverlover21 :
helloooo...are we not refreshing? What am I supposed to read if your not updateing your diary. You know yours is the only one I keep up with and your not doing your job of keeping me entertained. Has the diary nazi retired?lol
from neangel :
Ooh syncronicity is such a wonderous thing! I was the same thing! Too bad I have never see the movie
from neangel :
Ooh hun sorry to hear that the replacement fedex was a bust... who was watching? you have gotta call me! Love ya!
from feverlover21 :
awww I'll gladly marry you. But we can't have kids huh? Maybe we'll get a doner and both get preg. Any suggestions?:P
from feverlover21 :
Don't worry about her she'll be oki. I'd go with you to take her but I work. I'll try to get out of it but I doubt it. They all slave drivers over here. I'll go with you to visit her if need be. Awww you'll be oki and I'll make sure of that.
from feverlover21 :
you are my sunshine my only sunshine..you make me happy when skies are grey you'll never know dear how much i love you..please don't take my sunshine away...
from feverlover21 :
Hellllo guess who. No...it's me. Duh. Anyway I just wanted to right in your handy dandy lil guestbook and let ya know how much I appreciate you. You have pulled me through some rough times and are my number one lil lover. I'm not sure about the dancing tonight..depends how the tum tum feels. Give me a call anyway though. Smoochez
from neangel :
Hi hunee, I am glad to hear that everything went well with the nurse's appointment. I was disappointed to have not heard from you but I understand... I was out and about anyhow... so no biggie! Remember that I will be home soon and I will help you out in anyway I can if MoHoney is not available to help you with your shots I have already told you I would. I am sure I can handle it! I will be home soon! I am soo excited! I can't wait!San Fracisco here we come! What out world we are back in business! WHoo-hoo!
from missmosey :
it's not your friends that are beautiful, but your beauty that reflects on them, making them beautiful by being around you who is the most beautiful of all.
from missmosey :
i'm sorry that you feel people are jumpping on you. but in your diary entries you don't really give any other reason. you didn't really metion your family till now. if you would have explained like that in the first place then your "friends" would have understood more then you think. you have to remember we only know what's in your diary. and you did ask for some advice. i think that if you ask for advice and then make a rational decision based on your knowledge, then i think all your "friends" would support you in that decision. however, you sound a little disapointed that you friends want you to stay. and you did write that " there is nothing here for you and that you too have run your course" and yet your friends still ask you to stay. no i'm not family. although blood is thicker then water...love is thicker than blood. you family has to love you, well i choose to. i know i don't always show it the way you may need me too, because your right i do have my own life and my own problems. but i also believe that we have both been here for each other to the best of our ability, and when it really count's who was there to hold us when we cry. we have each other. i will support any decision you make as long as i feel it's in the best interest of you, my friend. because i love you and i want what is best for you. sometime we can't always seeit ourself. i love you because of the person you are....and wheather you realize it or not you are my sister. so there! Ms. MoHoney
from missmosey :
ok...i'm going to tell you straight out : if you leave i will personally fly to MD and Kick you ass! how is that for helping you make a choice? Honey, Mr. CG has not actually asked you to come live out there to be with him. and hinting around the subject is not the same thing. i know you love him, but love isn't enough to make a relationship work, if it was then he would have stayed or asked you straight out to go with him. but he didn't, that doesn't mean he doesn't love you, just that he knows that it's the right thing for him to go right now. if it's meant for you to be together then time will tell all. but don't make a rash decision just because your heart is hurting right now. wait till you can think clearly. calm down, talk to him if he really loves you and it's meant to be then he isn't going any where. if you don't tell him the truth of how you feel and ask real questions you can't expect any real answers. not because he is being deceitful but simple because he is working with half truths. i know you heart hurts! are you kidding me, do you know who you'r talking to? but the heart is a muscle just like all the rest. it bruises easily but it does heal, although i admit not as fast as we would like, however it does heal. the scars are always bad at first but then they fade and all thats left is a small pink pucker mark to remind us of a time that we thought was going to be our undoing, but we are still here to tell the story that made us the people we are today. and then you realize that as hard as it was, you wouldn't in your wildest dreams think of changing the experience. you love him. celebrate it. don't do something you might regret because of it. i love you with all my heart Ms. MoHoney
from playfull :
i really like reading your diary
from neangel :
I will be calling you very soon! What kinda freaky stuff was he saying?? Is he another "Who's yer daddy?" or "Whose dick is this?" Kinda freak or "Ooh god, This feels so good... I never want this to end" Kinda guy? The Doctor's went great and everything should be fine or so they say so far! You'll hear from me tonight or today your time! Lvoe always, Me
from neangel :
Heya Anastasia dahling! I know I just spoke with you but I also just read your last entry and I think you are the bravest soul alive! What ever I can do to help you out just let me know! This is not the end of the world nor will it be anytime soon! Just look at Montel Williams! He fights it everyday by working out and keeping healthy and fit! I just wish we could have started our walks sooner and do them everyday... maybe we can still do that while talking on the phone, lord knows we can do that for hours on end! Now we can just talk and walk at the same time and both lose about 50 pounds staying caught up in each others lives! Shit, I don't know how I managed to do it, but I know weigh 150! I have gained 10+ pounds since being here, but I have thought I have lost weight or at least I think I look like I lost weight, it must all be muscle mass from all this hot sex I have been having! I don't know, but I am definitely looking forward to seeing you and my babies tomorrow night! See you soon and keep that beautiful chin of yours up! ~Angel
from neangel :
Hey girlie~ Thanks again for the heads up on the newbie checking out your journal... i really appreciate not only that but the deletion of my name in your profile... May be I should do the locking of my diary... I don't know, i really like having it be open to the public, but be able to limit that at the same time to a selected public... What on earth to do? I know that this situation puts you in kinda an akward position (I know I put my self into one last night too! JK), I really do appreciate all that you have helped me with, you truely are a great friend! Thanks for everything... That is all I really wanted to say... Take care and as always - feel free to call at anytime! Love ya~ Ang

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