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AAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! That's crazy news :) In a way, I'm happy for you but I also know hard this must be for you to accept. I'm sorry you're feeling so crappy about it! I'll message you on FB tonight. <3 Take care of yourself and don't stress too much!

from laydeejane :

who???

from shanmeid :

I finally got a chance to update and LOL at your date! Ha ha ha! Dude should join Greenpeace or something. I'm sorry you're missing him :) And you should send the letter. I think he should know how you feel and be given a choice so he can tell you how he feels and then you can move on with your life. <3 Take care love.

from mjraven87 :

oh goodness... you really have had a shite time of it lately haven't you? *hugs* you'll have to come down to Leicester if you get too lonely :) xxx

from xxplaydeadxx :

Did you get the email? Have I asked you for your pw? If I haven't, I'd been meaning to...Forgive me, my brain is like nyerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr right now.

from xxplaydeadxx :

Of course. :) I'll send you an email.

from mjraven87 :

Urges are nasty... me too! And 34 DD is nothing! Try lugging around 32 F's!!! My back is ruined :(

from xxplaydeadxx :

the user/pw for the other diary is me/me :)

from xxplaydeadxx :

drama/queen :)

from laydeejane :

I'm back in england tomorrow. Do you have my number? I've no way of contacting anyone really til I get my phone sorted so bear with me. Are you alright Carley? Be careful yeah?

from mjraven87 :

4am is early :P Oh god I'm so old. I can only manage going out once a week :P

from missbabybump :

hey darlin, any way i could get your password etc? x

from mjraven87 :

Yeah, it's Christmas alright!

from mjraven87 :

me=in need of a pw reminder :(

from laydeejane :

bloody update girl!

from xxplaydeadxx :

I lost your pw. :(

from mjraven87 :

My computer has eaten my password for your diary :(

from shanmeid :

No, they are NOT your friends and anything could have happened to you. I hope you never go out with them again.You're so much better than that! <3

from shanmeid :

sorry hun... seems as though we both seem to be having bad luck lately! <3

from laydeejane :

Oh Carley I don't know! I am so lost. Oh god it went on about apologising for his handwriting, how depressed his is ((not due to me)), he gave me the shitty song he'd been writing for me...and shit isn't the word! and told me numerous times how he'd done nothing interesting...loada boring shite. love ya x

from mjraven87 :

That's the one!!!

from signyvolson :

i told you that I call you that last week in that dingy bar with the scitzo...you laughed...i swear!!

from xxplaydeadxx :

Yeah...so...are you not giving your pw out to people? :( Um. dxxdesigns.diaryland.com is my templates site. :) I hope you like 'em...they're kinda shitty. :S Anway, I hope you're doing ok...♥

from shanmeid :

hey hun... know how u feel... 'cept i dunno how to turn off the bad feelings anymore... since the ring has been on the finger i have been trying very hard! i just hope that it's true what some people say... true love conquers all! <3 take care!

from xxplaydeadxx :

LOCKED?!!?!!?!?! Can I PLEEEEEEEEEEASE have the pw? [if yes, email is [email protected]] ♥

from x-razor-x :

=) Thank you. I'll just imagine a hug from you. ;) ♥

from shanmeid :

congratulations ;) same thing with my ring. had to take it back twice to be resized. but the wait is worth it and when you're walking around with it on your hand, it's the weirdest feeling. i felt scared but secure in knowing that he'd chosen me. have you spoken about a date at all?

from laydeejane :

Like you once said to me Carley 'if you don't like it don't read.'

from laydeejane :

No ones told me anything.

from mjraven87 :

Yeah, he became more of a brother and because he was so far away and we didn't have the physical intimacy, I just drifted and he became the brother figure properly. Hope you have a good Christmas too x

from emaciana :

hi there, i just found you through shanmeid. you sound so much like me - BPD, all that stuff... I just wanted to say, hang in there. I love your diary. TIa

from shanmeid :

post soon...

from laydeejane :

well thats us over. nice knowing you. xxx

from shanmeid :

*hugs* <3

from xxplaydeadxx :

:) it's from call me when you're sober by evanescence. great song! :D how are you? ♥

from shanmeid :

hey hun'... you have nothing to be ashamed of. we've all made decisions in our lives that we regret, and by looking towards the future you learn how to live your life again. <3

from shanmeid :

*hugs*

from shanmeid :

Can't wait for lots of updates... I know I've been slack and need to update more too! will try later today! ;) <3

from xxplaydeadxx :

goooooood. i want to read more!!! =)

from laydeejane :

due to phone issues I've not been able to get in touch with you, i should hopefully be getting a new phone 2moro, and a tattoo so can you text/email me your number my numbers still the same. xxx

from xxplaydeadxx :

but you're NOT a waste of space! <3

from mjraven87 :

Thanks :)

from laydeejane :

lol sorry I re read it and I hadn't mentioned. Its a slim silver bracelet with diamonds. I'll show you xxx

from mjraven87 :

I was on white right at the end and the riots slowly moved closer to us!But thankfuly didnt quite make it:)

from mjraven87 :

What campsite were you in?

from mjraven87 :

Meh, as I said it doesn't bother me too much now. It was a great weekend though wasn't it?

from shanmeid :

hey sweetie... pls be careful with your meds. i wouldn't want anything to happen to you. and i know your feeling on binging. i'm like that too. can't make myself sick and the thought to freaks me out. that would be a whole other level. i hope you get out of this downer soon... big hugs!

from lonelyloser :

I've been on 60mg of cymbalta for about a year and a half and it was working great.Now I'm slipping...She just upped the dose 30mg and may up it more if I still need to. The other medicine I take is abilify.I've haven't even been on it a week yet so i'm not sure it is doing what it is supposed to.My doctor said it should help me stop cutting? Anyway.cool.thanks for the comments.

from amazinfuckup :

Cute layout. And a cute statement to the doctor.

from xxplaydeadxx :

yeah, cool. i'm glad you added me :)

from sunsetchaser :

Thanks a bunches! *hugs*

from sekritsquirl :

i dont mind as long as you are sure you want to hear about my vagina...

from shanmeid :

vvv: for the poster below me: maybe she tells you because you're her friend and you're supposed to be there for her. Regardless of whether you want to hear or not!!! :rant over: Sorry Carley, but some people have no manners! I hope they can fix what's wrong sweetie! It's hell feeling something and not knowing what's wrong with you or never getting straight answers. And I'm glad things are better with you and Chris! Big hugs! <3

from laydeejane :

we'd get on a helluva lot better if you'd stop writing crap about me on your diary carley. remember that. I'm really annoyed. don't tell me about it do i look like i wanna hear?

from whatdotheyno :

hey carley i love how honest you can be on this x love ya dude x

from whatdotheyno :

hey gorgeous hope your ok miss ya lots lu xxx

from pain-junkie :

hey lovely, hope yr alright! i kinda updated my diary, just to say i'm not gonna update anymore. i'm a myspace & livejournal whore now. lol. maybe i should start a new dland diary, but i'm too lazy... would you read my rants? ♥byebye

from shanmeid :

I love Nando's! Their peri-peri potato wedges are my new addiction (they deliver to my work) and their veggie burgers are pretty good too! Yeah, I've eaten biltong, even ostrich! But I gave up meat about a year ago! Don't really miss it! I used to drink Savannah but so sick of ciders. I live in East London. Been here all my life! Are you and Chris still friends?

from shanmeid :

bn wondering where you've been? really glad you're doing so well! I can't believe how positive you sound! It's really good reading what you've written and 'feeling' the happiness that you're feeling ; ) <3

from shanmeid :

wow... you bn a busy busy girl ; ) obviously Chris'll feel hurt, you didn't share! Some guys just see it as cheating, and in a way he's right although you see it from a different perspective and I agree with your perspective. All you have to ask yourself is how would you feel if he had sex with a guy? <3 sorry to hear about Sam... I know how much his friendship means to you, and I hope you and Chris can work this out! At the end of the day, you were honest with him and he has to respect that! <3

from laydeejane :

No, I don't want to chuck it away but everything we talk about is me listening to you, a favour you seldom return. Being with you is dangerous, not that it matters. It feels as if I am watching someone I truly care about from behind a glass screen. We're too different, too similar and I swear if I ever get my hands on your beloved 'no one matters to me but Chris' boyfriend I will not be able to pretend. I don't know anymore.

from wendy-bird :

hey, how u? sorry havnt been in touch for ages! hope ur ok! def have 2 go out soon! ross's birthday soon, so u gotta come out for that! luv ya lots Lu xxx

from pain-junkie :

hey girl; no i don't actually. i'm still wit pain-junkie, trouble is i don't have internet in my house (i'm in a library now) so i don't update that much. see ya.

from shanmeid :

It's good that after 2 weeks you can confide in him and he can speak openly with you about it! *hugs*

from shanmeid :

hey... just by the way, you do know I'm South African! But you're dead right, they'd rather get lost before asking directions : ) The times I've had 'shrooms we ate them with honey. mmm I hate the way you feel nauseous in the beginning. You probably didn't feel it cos you had been drinking in the day! I love being out in the open during the day with the sun shining down... missioning about in nature! I feel like a fairy >�<

from shanmeid :

hey... just by the way, you do know I'm South African! But you're dead right, they'd rather get lost before asking directions : ) The times I've 'shrooms we ate them with honey. mmm I hate the way you feel nauseous in the beginning. You probably didn't feel it cos you had been drinking in the day! I love being out in the open during the day with the sun shining down... missioning about in nature! I feel like a fairy >�<

from wendy-bird :

hey! just to let you know that ive got the internet back! so you can look forward to new, pointless, random diary entries!

from shanmeid :

sorry to hear you're having a rough time... just hang in there! I know what you mean about more afraid of facing life than dying! I feel that way some days. I don't want to open my eyes... I just want to stay where I am and avoid the fact that I have responsibilities. But it's impossible for me to act on it because I have this voice in the back of my head that reminds me of my family and how much they would suffer if I had to go. I would be killing them too! <3

from shanmeid :

I know what you mean about having a happy time and instead of it lifting your mood, you still stay where you were before. I hate it! You think stuff is normal and your mood is picking up, but then you realise it's just the situations that have changed but your frame of mind and your feelings are the same... I often wonder if I'll ever be happy... : ) Like 100% normal! But what is normal??? <3

from secret-slit :

Heya yeh sure its ok to add me. I find it really umm cant think of the word when people wanna read what I've written... like I feel cared for even though I don't know you at all :) read your profile and I'm reading Scar Tissue at the mo and nearly finished it. It's really good! Take care x

from laydeejane :

Shit. I didn't mean to upset you. Its not my place to say who you can/can't be friends with. I do believe that your depression is more 'real.' I could get better I tried right? Everyone thinks it. Anyways, I'm sorry.

from laydeejane :

Oh carley you idiot!! You sounded fine why didn't you say something I'd have dropped everything! You are gonna walk soon. Why is evrything going so wrong suddenly? I fel really bad. I am SO SORRY.

from pain-junkie :

hey i remember you! so what's up with the psychiatric clinic crap? lemme guess: depression? i hope you get better soon, girl. keep me posted. btw, i stopped cutting. yay - or not? xoxo.

from laydeejane :

thanks for that! now fucking get it off the internet!

from signyvolson :

Urgh. Bored at work. I'm actually too busy to be bored! Don't know if you'll get this before our 'date' ((lol I wish)) this saturday night but I don't want my highly expensive edible panties to go to waste y'know what I'm saying? Although I guess I could eat them myself? Vodka+Carley+Keri+the incredibles = ???

from wendy-bird :

hey hun! glad your doin betta!! i am sat here listenin to the libertines! who would have ever thought it! i miss you too hun! we gotta get together! the three of us! and u gota tell me what on occupational therapist actually does cos at the moment im still in the dark! lol! luv ya loads hun xxx

from signyvolson :

I know, I don't wanna push you or make anything worse. I'm sorry you got fired! But hey, all that sick pay! Yeah call me anytime, I look forward to it. I miss you too. x

from laydeejane :

I know. THings are a mess aren't they? Your diary entry was very upsetting. Things can only get better! Yeah right x

from laydeejane :

Hey dude. Its not been the same without you around. I like the 'depression in common' bit...NOT. Could you not have said something a little more dramatic! Like 'citalopram in common?' I can't wait until you're all better and we can go and get drunk in all Coventrys shitty glory. I would write you but its your turn! And plus you have more interesting stuff to say! Can't wait to see Green Day with ya! And we can laugh at Shrek and Donkey! You're gonna be fine. And if you ain't, niether will I!

from harmedself :

She's back!!!! Wow, you have been to hell and back. :( Please don't die. You are such a fabbity person and you deserve to see where your life is going to take you, to good places!!! *hugs* ooo All your fave films are the same as mine!

from harmedself :

OMG!!! I was wondering where you had got too!!! Wow, you are SO brae for doing this. I hope you feel ready enough to come out soon. xxxxxx

from pain-junkie :

hey! i'm the sisuicide girl. just thought i'd tell you i did get to go to the rasmus gig 6/12. fucking amazing. flawless singing & i got eero&pauli's autographs, even though i don't really care for signing, it was just to remind myself that I WAS THERE! when they played time to burn, & i was jumping until my stomach seemed to be about to fall out through my ass...t'was the best moment of my life. & i remembered you 'cause you liked them too right? hope yr well. & if you wanna hear more of me visit neontypo.dland.com or pain-junkie. peace out. ♥

from apple-cutter :

http://groups.msn.com/CuttersSideLife join my SI site today my new site and tell friends please

from laydeejane :

Carley Carley CARLEY!!!!! Oh my God I was actually terrified I am so glad you're OK. (Well alive, lets not push this thing too far!) Listen, I still do wanna go out friday and meet loverboy but I don't want you to make yourself any worse so if you don't wanna do anything else we don't have too. I won't be mad or anything I just want you too be happy. :) Kisses x

from lost-sanity7 :

thank you for adding me =) i hope all is well and that you take care *sends hug* jaylee xxx

from oceans-depth :

Wow you sound like you need a vacation from yourself and your life. We have alot in common. Nice diary . xoxo Deja

from apple-cutter :

Really nice to hear from other cutters out here. I want so bad to stop! I did stop but now I am back at my old self and now its worse.LoL read my diary today11/20 and see why/what I am talking about..Your also on my favs.

from girl-razor :

Everybody goes through these periods of unhappiness and I can empathise with every word that you write in your entries. But it's not forever, I promise you. & we all need the drugs sometimes to make the pain melt away...but when we realise how little they change us 6 months down the line we realise that maybe it was making it worse...See what I mean? not to be another force though...Please don't see me as that...Because I do know what you mean...Listen to The Cure, you might find some solace in them too.

from girl-razor :

Thank you for your kind words...It really makes me smile when I get such a nice note. I really like your layout by the way, courtesy of rocktoons.com? Nice one. Keep in touch, I'll add you back when I update my profile. :) x

from harmedself :

yay welcome back!

from laydeejane :

Heya C how are you? I just need to know the exact date of your birthday. I plan on coming home either this weekend or the next weekend and obviously I gotta see you! I have a hopeless thing about remembering certain birthdays so if I can't make your b'day weekend I'd still like to mail you a card and present. Thinking of you x

from wendy-bird :

Carley!!!! how are you hunny? missing keri?no me neither! just joking im missing her alot! give me a call and we will go out sometime! def coming out for ur bday!! but we can meet upbefore and do something, even if we predictably end up at colly! be happy hunny,cos you are one of the lovliest people iknow, and i am so glad that we met! love ya xxx

from harmedself :

Yay! An update, i tought you might have died or something.

from sisuicide :

hey; no i haven't changed it yet. i'm writing up all these juicy updates on my suckass summer on my laptop though, & i'll post 'em in the new diary. i've created the account, but there's no layout or entries. coz this computer i'm at sucks big time. i'll put the link up, no worries. ♥

from harmedself :

Oh I am pleased for you!!! I hope ou get "better" or whatever. But waaaah that you had to show your cuts off :( That is really horrible. I would of said WHY is that neccessary you cunt????!!!!!!!!

from gotgaz :

Thanks:)

from harmedself :

Lambrusco is beuatiful! Yum yum you drink the good stuff. I have prozac nation. tis great!

from im-a-man :

I finished the story.

from harmedself :

Yes i was going to ask you why acutter didnt exsist! oooer!!!! I am happy I was in your dream. I hope we got drunk drunk drunk. :) i didnt no i had an email address at d-land. If i don't get it by Sunday then pllllz email it to [email protected] thankin you muchly

from wendy-bird :

ok, maybe i leave to many notes on here? just wana say thankyou for thursday night it was great! and also that i just gave you lots of hugs as a thankyou! love yaxxxx

from wendy-bird :

Carley! what are you gonna wear thurs night??? i have won the debate and are allowed to wear black trousers but i have no clue on what top!!! it can't be balck. i was gonna wear the one i wore last time we went out, you know the pink one, but is that dressy enough? i read ur diary, i liked that skirt, if we are thinkin of the same one! well anyway! im stuck luv ya xxx

from wendy-bird :

oh good carley, i am so glad! i thought i had upset you! glad i havnt!!! Seeyou Thursday yeah!!!

from harmedself :

you spin me right round?! Also known as the best song there ever was?????????? WHEEEEE!

from laydeejane :

Carley! I am seriously upset that there are people other than me leaving you notes! I demand to know who these people are!!! K my b'day is looming and we're going out thurs night (likely 2 b just u and I at this rate!) do u wanna meet up earlier for drinks? I'll text ya with real info later on - much love Kx

from gotgaz :

Thanks. Sorry. I just havent had inspiration for it. I know what I want to happen, but I just cant write well Im not 'in the mood' you know what I mean. I have a few other people who want me to finish too. Ill do it as soon as I feel up to it.

from harmedself :

Ooo chocolate and booze. I envy thee. I know what you mean baout feeling weird about not cutting. Was is your choice or just a natural thing?

from harmedself :

Lambrini. WHat a drink! Only �2.49 for 2 litres.

from harmedself :

Hello! I have been meaning to say for a while that I love your new layout. And err.... you can have a password if you want but I have wrote nothing interesting! name - chocolate pword - milkshake heh.

from sisuicide :

oh wow! you have yr tongue pierced! i officially declare my love for you!! i'm having real trouble with my nose; it keeps getting weird non-infections thingies that hurt like shit.

from sisuicide :

hey! thanx for the info; but i've had significant problems with my newest piercings &, honestly, i don't want to push my luck. plus this way i'll really quit the smoking shit. wow; you pierced yr tongue. they're my favourite piercings... what else do you have pierced? i have 7.

from sisuicide :

hmmm...i thought you'd ask. concert? well...the outside of the building was pretty nice, coz i didn't get inside. somehow i just knew it wouldn't turn out. i shouldn't have shown my id. & im only one month to turning 16!! oh fuck...i was so deceived...i suppose i'll update soon about it. take care.

from sisuicide :

hey...only 8days left!! i hope i can get into the concert coz it restricted to over 16year olds...& im only 15. i hope i get into it or the only thing anyone'll hear about it is a lot of fucks! cheers*

from harmedself :

Heh, you have a lot of partys!!! I am jealous. Thank you for adding me to your faves! i feel privalidged, or however ya spell it!

from for-you-only :

This is likely seriously late, but welcome to the vodka diaryring. :)

from parisonfire :

of course i fucking care...i dont want you ripping holes in your arm, whether it's over me or not...for fucks sake carley, nobody wants you doing that at all dec

from gotgaz :

Thanks for reading my story:)

from sisuicide :

thanx carley!! i appreciate it. love*

from sweet-malice :

welcome to my vines diaryring! :D

from laydeejane :

Hey Carley, I dunno ure email so I thought I'd leave a nice diaryland msg for ya! Don't you feel special? I'm not good at seriousness unless I'm angry and I'm not angry at all so this will sound prolly as limp as Mark Radwhatsits dick, lol. I had no idea you cut yourself, but I know its not something that you wanna talk about to many people (well, I didn't anyway) and you gotta stop making yourself sick and drinking so much. And the drugs! You gotta share them with me! I'm gonna start getting REALLY worried about you girl. Email back, I'm your new *Sunshine Buddi*! Lots of love, Keri xXx PS. I never liked Dec anyway. Wotta tosser!

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