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It's really nice to hear that you are doing well! For what it's worth, I've never thought you sounded stupid. I've related a lot to your entries and your situations.

from tenderpoison :

from swordfern :

Welcome back....

from aryssa90 :

Oh hey! I’ve never met a diarylander close to me! What part of La are you in, if you don’t mind my asking of course :)

from aryssa90 :

thank you for your note! I just read your entry and it really spoke to me. I'm hoping to do some untangling this year as well.

from swordfern :

Thank you! ❤️

from swordfern :

Thank you. It's easy to forget what we deserve when uncertain and afraid. xoxo

from lust- :

Thank you. If there is one thing that everyone can relate to, it's mending a broken heart.

from swordfern :

Monterey in the autumn sounds beautiful. I'm still reading along. Xoxo

from in19seconds :

I started a "no strings attached" relationship with a man because I was so unhappy in my marriage. I read somewhere that women always find a replacement before they get divorced. It was so in my sister's case when she divorced her first and second husband. I told myself I wasn't going to be that person, that I wasn't going to follow in my sister's footsteps.. but it took me being respected by the other man to realize just how awful my marriage was. I distanced myself from the man for a very long time to make sure I was getting a divorce for the right reasons and not because I had him on the side to pick up the pieces. However, the man I was in an affair with never refused me. He never played the cat and mouse game. People who play games like that will always play games like that. It's hard to let them go, especially when you feel things so deeply. It's almost as if they KNOW it, too. Like they have this power to manipulate your emotions for their benefit. But you have to remind yourself every time they contact you, every time they say the things you want to hear, every time your body reacts to their touch, it's just a game to them. That's what hurts the most... the knowledge that you are just a pawn. Divorce is a lot harder than ending an affair. It's like death warmed over. In my case, my husband was the manipulator and still is. As hard as it is, and from the little I've read about you in your entries, I think you're strong enough to get through the emotional pain and come out better on the other side. There are a little over 7 billion people on this planet. Odds are, there's someone out there who will treat you the way you deserve to be treated, who will love you the way you desire to be loved, who will fill the void we all feel when we're missing the piece that completes us. Just.. and you don't have to listen to me on this.. take time to yourself to love you, to love yourself so much that, moving forward, the people you bring into your life will love you for you and only you. When you find those people (and yes, they are out there) your whole world will change and this path you've been on to get there will be completely worth it.

from argentum :

Would you still get divorced if there was no one else waiting?

from swordfern :

One of the turning points for me was when I came to truly believe that I deserved better and was worthy of love. When I shifted my paradigm, when I set boundaries for how I knew I should be treated, my relationships all shifted. I purged toxic people who didn't accept/love me and brought in people are available to connect and care. Before, I always accepted whatever scraps of love were thrown at me. Now, I know that I deserve a three-course meal of love. Truly deserve. And that the people who discarded me in the past had their own issues and it was nothing to do with me. I've also found that since I started respecting myself more, others also respect me more. Unfortunatelly, the change was not acceptable by my longtime partner - he found it confusing and uncomfortable and called me selfish and arrogant. So I don't know how to apply this to current relationships, only know how it applies to building new ones. People don't like to have to shift their assumptions/beliefs about you. Thinking of you lots. I know the tender ache of loving someone deeply and feeling that they are always just slightly out of reach. xoxo

from swordfern :

You do. You do deserve happiness. xoxo

from in19seconds :

I love the flow of your words, the beat of your soul. Your entries move me. Thank you for sharing your expressions and experiences so poetically.

from swordfern :

XOXOX

from swordfern :

Oh my god, I can't believe that all of that just happened to you. I am panicking and angry right along side of you. Hurt can maybe come later. You don't deserve this. Sending love.

from swordfern :

Thank you! To add a photo, you need to upload it to a hosting service that allows linking (there aren't many that do this for free anymore) and then you add the photo to your entry via html (simple code, easily googleable!). Your dream sounds achingly beautiful. I wish that it happened for real for you.

from whystinger :

You might not have the right user name and password. Send me an email at whystinger"at"yahoo... and I will give you a good one.

from whystinger :

...someone to love, someone to be passionate about. No, that is not too much to ask. It is something that will take a while to find and not be that easy to find, but they are out there. I need to start looking again too.

from swordfern :

Thank you for your comment about writing a book. It really got me thinking - writing a book is something that I've always dreamed of. Maybe now is the time, before I'm tied back down into routines and real life. Thank you, thank you, thank you. It's a blessing when others can see things in you that you can't see for yourself.

from swordfern :

I like the approach that your T is taking. Learning to set boundaries will have benefits in all aspects of your life, not just with him. This is something that I am working on too. Also, timekeeping in a therapy session is not your responsibility. The therapist is responsible to set boundaries around her time! I'm so glad that you had a positive experience. I use up all of my therapy benefits and wish for more. For me, it's so great to have someone truly listen and empathize with my situation, face to face. I use those tissues all of the time; you may not be going deep enough if you don't need them!!! xoxoxo

from swordfern :

I hope the therapy session helps you as well. Your sensitive soul deserves so much love.

from swordfern :

Your connection to him is intensely beautiful.

from swordfern :

I'm reading a book, 'Conscious Uncoupling'. It describes how, for the brain, the primal part of our being, a negative bond with a person is better than the hollowness of no bond at all. It takes great courage to walk away from someone to nothing - the courage to override your most primal survival instinct. Most people start to build bridges with other people so that there is something to cling to before severing that vital artery. I think of you often.

from swordfern :

You will get through. Without a doubt. Stay strong. The clarity that you have now may fade but try to remember this moment.

from swordfern :

Thank you. I hope that Cancun offers you some joy despite the sad circumstances. I am enjoying reading your entries and experience happy anticipation whenever I see your name in red on my buddy list.

from peggypenny :

Yes I record songs www.PeggyPenny.com Music videos on left side of site Just posted new song with a friend of mine. Do you record music?

from swordfern :

You capture the essence of love with such grace and beauty.

from swordfern :

Oh, man, Poet, I feel for ya. Feeling numb in a 'committed' relationship is exhausting and sad. And then the excitement of finding desire again, but with someone else that you can't be with, is agonizing and highlights what's missing in your primary relationship. Sending you love and strength and courage. We only get one life - I decided that living authentically was worth the risk. I added you to my favorites and am looking forward to getting to know you better.

from peggypenny :

enjoying your poetry. Peggy

from vintagepearl :

Congratulations! I wish you the best of luck with everything! <3

from worldinabox :

Congratulations on having a baby. ^^ After you have the baby the swelling in your legs will go down. Our family friend's daughter was pregnant last year and her feet were really swollen! So don't feel bad. It'll go away.

from sabrrrina :

Wow, you are a great writer. I also like your layout.

from poetscene :

focus ur emotion - i luv ur poetry!

from poetscene :

hello - it's poetichealth, i got a new name and diary, wanted to let u know since u added me as a favorite! and you're one of my favorites - ooh! i'm putting more poetry on this diary, becuz people seemt to like it. i must be good at writing poetry. o.o

from fan4 :

LOL Now I know who one of the writers (aside from me) over at unsentletter is! I like going there, and sometimes I'll post. I'm not gonna say which ones are mine though.

from fan4 :

Thanks for adding my diary to your favorites list too. :)

from musicgooroo :

I love your poetry. As an avid Poet myself it's kewl to see someone else w/ the same crazy passion. Nice painting too. ; )

from poetichealth :

tht is an AWESOME painting! i can't paint, nor draw for that matter. i just write.

from falleninlies :

Awww, thanks :D It's always nice to know people like my poems, because I always think I'm bad at writing. Thanks again. *hugs tons* Phil xxx

from goldylockz22 :

Loved Red Fox! haha...how are you? how is work? I have to say I don't miss it...you wouldn't believe how obsessed I am with the Sims2 game. Remember when you used to go home from work everyday and play Sims and I'd make fun of you? I DO THAT NOW!!! I even have a paid membership to the stupid online website so I can download stuff!!! IT'S INSANE!!! anyway, how is Leo and everything going? what's this I hear about BB doing away with EVFs? I got a letter about it through the mail since I'm such a devoted customer... HA! talk to you later!

from lynrc :

i was just going to take your survey to name the movies that the actors played in, but a couple were too hard so i didnt. the one w/ girls just wanna have fun was really funny though. and i liked that you had the doors. one thing i noticed wheni looked at your answers was that you said tom cruise and ethan hawke were in interview w/ a vampire together. this is one of my favorite movies, and i have to tell you that the only other main guys were christian slater and brad pitt. you may want to correct that if you are able.