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messages to poul:
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from nebulous615 :
that would have been grand...our photographer had a last minute emergency and we had his assistant...and no artistic photos (so sad!). ah well. married life is fantastic and that makes up for the pictures. [grin].
from erato :
<3.
from brevity :
maybe what scares us is most of us hope we'll never be so foolish and regret we'll never be so brave.
from devilscarpet :
Yes, that's quite right. The buddy list is grey, because we all moved to LJ. *sniff* Only rarely do I come back, and then I read your journal, and then I feel sad, because it's great and I forget to look at it.
from thallium :
my most sincere domo arigato gozaimashita! i'll commit it to memory.
from icefacade :
that's lovely.
from nebulous615 :
[grin] hi. it's been a while. good to hear from you. and see from you.
from thallium :
damn that Vladimir Lefebvre, however you say his name!
from donnaisblue :
I love the painting you have on your layout
from nebulous615 :
which do I say...thank you or you're welcome or I wish the days didn't narrow with darkness but what good do wishes do....
from icefacade :
that's a lovely horizon out your window.
from devilscarpet :
Hunter sent this to me before he left. Maybe without the explanation it won't mean much, and maybe if you had the explanation it wouldn't mean much, but if anything, take it as a "thinking of you". It's called "Melodies of Life", and it's a song from FF9 (also with significance): Alone for a while I've been searching through the dark, For traces of the love you left inside my lonely heart. To weave by picking up the pieces that remain. Melodies of Life-Love's lost refrain. Our paths they did cross, though I cannot say just why, We met, we laughed, we held on fast, and then we said good-bye, And who'll hear the echoes of stories never told? Let them ring out loud till they unfold. In my dearest memories, I see you reaching out to me. Though you're gone, I still believe that you can call out my name. A voice from the past, joining yours and mine. Adding the layers of harmony. And so it goes, on and on. Melodies of life. To the sky beyond the flying birds-forever and beyond. So far and away, see the bird as it flies, Gliding through the shadows of the clouds up in the sky, I've laid my memories, do you remember loving me? Leave them now and see what tomorrow brings. In your dearest memories, do you remember loving me? Was it fate that brought us close and now leaves me behind? A voice from the past, joining yours and mine. Adding the layers of harmony. And so it goes, on and on. Melodies of life. To the sky beyond the flying birds-forever and beyond. If should I leave this lonely world behind. Your voice will still remember our melody. Now I know we'll carry on. Melodies of Life. Come circle round and grow deep in our hearts, as long as we remember.
from devilscarpet :
... You're right, it is. What I was trying to say was that "in love" as most people use it is wrong, because it's some fabricated emotion they made in themselves, not true caring for a person. True love from anyone can indeed help you do about anything, but being "in love" isn't an excuse or an answer, as people would like to make it. Maybe it's only the question. "In love" is not the only reason. You'll probably still disagree. :P
from devilscarpet :
I really like Birds of Apocolypse (SP). I mean, I like them all, but I REALLY like that one. *sniff*
from nebulous615 :
[grin] i am happy...happier than i knew possible. perhaps that's why it's hard to find words to express, so i say only what is second best or "almost."
from devilscarpet :
Why is it that the most seemingly random comments are the most refreshing? I can scan my journal trying to figure out why you like it,what would bring on such a reaction, but that would be pointless. I've done it too many times. But I am renewed. Thanks.
from icefacade :
I love this piece too. Although I get a pervading sense of sadness from a lot of your pieces, it never fails to gladden my heart when I've seen you've updated. Hope you are well.
from donnaisblue :
yeah, i need to take care of that.
from icefacade :
You are right, face to face in bed with your love is better. I'll light a candle for you.
from devilscarpet :
:( Here, take this shiny thing then. Shiny things typically cheer up me, old people, and alley derelicts. *shiny thing*
from icefacade :
Pukka faces are always best at shoulder level and in a mirror.
from devilscarpet :
And I was just thinking to myself how happy I was that you hadn't updated in a while, that maybe... something was going away. I know that has to sound horrible to you, but you know...
from erato :
I am thoroughly excited. I am actually going to begin drafting some loose commentary now. Look for it in my day-planner. But don't tell anyone about it. It is, for now, a closely guarded secret, as it appears my pages have EYES! That boy better get off me, off, off, off, I say. OFF!
from erato :
ah, that would be a pleasure indeed! As would be your art on the cover of my latest novel!
from thallium :
you are not heterochromic koshka. so you get no cake.
from icefacade :
Requiem is beautiful. Thank you for sharing.
from erato :
Thank you, darling!
from erato :
The femme fatale could not be reached for further comment.
from erato :
(AP) A Washington artist saved 50 percent of the population this week when he convinced a femme fatale that she deserved an iceberg of a diamond from the next man asking for her hand. Taken by the artist's talent in canvas and his ability to recite from The Song of Songs, the professional widow has decided to refuse any further suitors who do not produce the 2,500 mile-wide, 10, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000, 000 carat jewel ... (click to read more)
from poul :
ajax, dear, it was her first time. a gentleman does not push a big fat gun onto an unexperienced girl.
from ajax :
Mmmmmmmmm, rimfire .22...
from erato :
Priceless--truly, must be priceless. You just made it that much harder for any men to propose to me, Poul. [Wink]
from nebulous615 :
i suppose when you put it that way i have no choice but to let my life fall into the fierce hands of fate. woe is me.
from nebulous615 :
oh no, please no...no lime green and pink polka dots. ack! (I wrote an essay about how unique I am, how I see the world, etch)
from erato :
Ah! Diamond urinals! I love it.
from erato :
And for you, flame tree flowers: blooming and falling like the phoenix, but never disappearing entirely, whether covering every inch of greenness and sand, or covereing every aspect of sky.
from erato :
I will certainly do so. Going to a diary is like walking into a home. I feel it is proper etiquette to thank the host for the fabulous evening.
from erato :
She is a ghost that reads but does not write. I call her Euterpe. She likes your livejournal, she says, because it has so many more pictures. I think we have a basis for a fan club. (As for the show, I am putting together a non-profit to see about being able to host this thing the way it should be hosted. It may drag on for a little bit, if we run out of patience we can always wing it, but I think it's worth a shot).
from erato :
My friend saw my site this morning and hesitated a moment before she said, "what's with the pictures, you Poul impersonator!" I just had to share that with you.
from erato :
Thank you, lovely. Talked to the big man last night over dinner. Already interested, will be sharing portfolio on Monday. Excited yet? This is only the beginning. Yes, miniskirt. Leather, of course.
from thecity :
I just read every single word of this diary with eyes that could not stop crying. Surely, survival was never meant to become so difficult,
from erato :
to illuminations, darling. The muse that never ends, never leaves us. We will scrawl her name in finite hues across sand and snow and live forever, if only until time decrees the history of humanity stands.
from brevity :
I hope the oncoming year brings you some peace, the long winter months can seem much colder when a love is missing and missed. Bless you and everything you give the world, because you give so much.
from tamanotenrai :
Keep climbing - you are brave and strong to start the hill and now you must just keep climbing.
from tamanotenrai :
Like drops of rain from the sky, each piece is a sign of your love and your rich blue saddness of an ever growing lake. Found you by accident, read you all the way through, the love of gods and goddesses is hard to hold. Keep breathing.
from brevity :
oh that hymn. all I can say is oh. oh wonderful. oh beautiful. oh hopeful. oh tragic. oh.
from autumnal :
its off! thanks for letting me know. i am so pissed at someone right now i could scream..... arghhhhhhhhhhh
from andnothingon :
My mother called today to tell me that I have a beat up postcard from Venice waiting for me. A reason to go home. :)
from ghanima :
The postcard is coming--I have a stack of them to write. As for sending--poetry? Short story? Novel? What do you want?
from ghanima :
Here is and has always been mulch. The compost from which I pull my work. I will send you anything you want to read.
from ghanima :
Of course I write because I cannot help it, because I cannot do anything else. But that is not why I write *here*. This is a show, a circus. The real work is done offline.
from erato :
I cannot wink. But perhaps a blink will sufice. [smiles]
from erato :
He shares in the probability of the universe. He is both inside and outside the Daiei shopping cart. He is Poul, he is Quantum Man. Would I collapse his wave function with a sneeze?
from erato :
Excellent. I will make room for you in my shopping cart. Unless you want to sleep on the desk...
from nebulous615 :
indeed
from erato :
That depends how fast I can give him something to hang. But you will be the first to know about that and that oh so tempting 'anything else.'
from erato :
I will hold you to that champagne. Come to my openning. I will show you my art, Hawaii, and anything else you may need for inspiration.
from brevity :
Nothing ever translates right in English. It’s a horrible language. But it is mine, and I've never been lucky enough to explore the other languages of the world. Well yet. It sounds like Venice is such a part of you. It makes me eager to travel, eager to fall so deeply in love with a place. I don't feel like home anywhere, I'm getting ready to start searching.
from thallium :
awkwardness, cute? why not just say "stupid virgins" like everyone else?
from brevity :
I loved you without hope, a mute offender; What jealous pangs, what shy despairs I knew! A love as deep as this, as true, as tender, God grant another may yet offer you.
from erato :
I love the watercolor. You are on my wall.
from zaziel :
Octavio Paz wrote for Joseph Cornell: "Monuments to every moment, refuse of every moment, used: cages for infinity." I suppose all art, all objects, eventually become relics of bygone worlds. Or is the process instant? Art into artifact as soon as a piece is finished and hung on a wall.
from zaziel :
Oh yeah, Poe. That sounds right. As for Cornell, looking at him as goth is an interesting perspective--I would have said Cornell ultimately doesn't qualify for gothdom because he doesn't have an obsession for death and its funereal trappings, especially compared to Poe. But Cornell's major theme is the passage of time, in which mortality is implicit, and even explicit. And his boxes that were tributes to people like Lauren Bacall or Allegra Kent, even though he made them while they were living, he made them like memorials for something already lost, as if they were as dead as Juan Gris or the Medici children.
from zaziel :
Are you saying Cornell was the first goth?
from erato :
I should have an address by the end of the week. I shall email it as soon as I do, so that message can wash ashore a little faster. Hope you are enjoying your trip. It took one glance of Houston to long for Europe again.
from andnothingon :
Thank you. I wasn't going to post a picture, but you asked. Also, a book you may enjoy: _Man or Mango?_ by Lucy Ellmann, if only simply for its list of social encounters and their necessary recovery time.
from thallium :
all disagreements will be magically forgotten if you say the words "great fearless leader," click your heels three times and tell me what temperature vodka freezes at.
from erato :
Time to take a holiday. Shall I say Hawaii and paint and canvas and the landscape of constant metamorphosis?
from thallium :
well then you are demoted back to puta, puta.
from thallium :
it is proper etiquette to call a person a puta only when you let them call you that in return. boludo.
from thallium :
then you can be boludo, which is argentine spanish for something not nice, i forget what exactly.
from bleue :
Thank you. For some reason, despite my downloading them, it did not work much - so I guess I am stuck. I guess I will have to bring this to a computer tech somewhere. figures i bought this 3000 miles away. fuck. but thanks anyway!
from devilscarpet :
It's only been 90 days?
from bleue :
Thank you so much for your note. I shall return the favor.
from thallium :
fine fine fine, puta. ruin all my stereotyping dreams.
from unknown- :
hm. to feel sorry for me is to pity me. to pity me is to insult me. either do not feel sorry for me, or feel nothing at all for me. please.
from unknown- :
(((please close an eye to my untrained hand. life will continue as it must. defense and human nature aside: unsurpassed in my lamentable sighs, definitive in boredom and weak in conflict. playful kittens are kept waiting. interfere?)))
from thallium :
yes they do.
from nosferatu-tu :
yes, my list is a tad extensive, in light of this dreadful boredom, being 17 and from South Louisiana (being the miserable smartass bitch that i am) i must occupy my time with this blasted box. I've been acquainted with some particularly FABULOUS people though. Toodeloo dear. <3 Erin
from ghanima :
Some bunny did not read the rules. The Monkey Queen knows this because she in not linked in any way and the second little clue word was not in your request. tsk. tsk. Read and then we will review.
from squirrelx :
[Once again, this is purely personal opinion, and like the entries in my diary, not offered with the intent to persuade anyone to agree.] I find that my belief in the immortality of the soul is a comfort 'cause it means separations wrought by physical death are only temporary. My sorrows, like my life, will be over soon, and although I can't interact with the dead exactly as I did while they were alive, I know that they remain with me. Belief systems? You and I are in strong disagreement. On my view, human bein's decide for themselves what they do or do not believe. Warmest regards, Xtine P.S.: no need to apologize for your tone! Folks in Diaryland talk to me that way all the time. I'm used to it. :-)
from squirrelx :
I can only tell you how I interpret that quotation for myself. To me, it means that my emotional response patterns are to a large extent subject to my control because emotional responses flow from belief systems and we all decide what we do and do not believe in this life. Personal example: if I didn't truly believe that the soul is immortal, I'd be a miserable human bein'. Because I do believe it, I've been spared many sorrows. Warmest regards, Xtine
from squirrelx :
You are the hero of my day! I was feelin' very low down 'til I visited 'Animals With Their Heads In Bags Of Food'. Now my happy thoughts are startin' to come back. Thank you so much! Love, Xtine
from allumeuse :
mille grazie, signor poul, for the cat. hélas, my once-a-month flirtation with the breweries of excellent, barbaric stout cannot be helped.
from brevity :
I don't live there, but they closed most of the Drive-In's in ontario an dit has one of teh last so we're taking a road trip down there.
from brevity :
sometimes it seems like your leaving, and I get scared that you'll fade away.
from brevity :
please tell me your not gone. whisper that you're still there
from chrissytreat :
i just wished i lived in a time/decade/century where people were happier and there was no worries;; or i like to pretend there was ever such a time // the world is not bad, it's the people who live in it that are bad
from chrissytreat :
because (1) the whole mirror reflection theory except i wasn't a cutter, (2) they're all the same, it marks the degeneration of society, (3) they act as if it's a good thing and parade all their cuts/scars all over the internet as if it was a trophy .. maybe it's because i was starting to be happy && everyone around me, my rocks, are just starting to act suicidal and we all can't save each other if we're all depressed
from chrissytreat :
don't worry;; i'm not one to kill myself. besides, all these people who are suicidal and cut themselves on line piss me off. though, if death comes, i'm not going to fight it.
from autumnal :
For, after all, you do grow up, you do outgrow your ideals, which turn to dust and ashes, which are shattered into fragments; and if you have no other life, you just have to build one up out of these fragments. And all the time your soul is craving and longing for something else. And in vain does the dreamer rummage about in his old dreams, raking them over as though they were a heap of cinders, looking in these cinders for some spark, however tiny, to fan it into a flame so as to warm his chilled blood by it and revive in it all that he held so dear before, all that touched his heart, that made his blood course through his veins, that drew tears from his eyes, and that so splendidly deceived him!
from nebulous615 :
handcuffs. quite an experience. when he wasn't looking, i tried to slip them off my wrists or spring the lock. i half hoped he would chain my ankles and escort me to a police car so i could feel first hand how people react to someone in chains.
from autumnal :
I am leaving an announcement on my diary which is also an extended welcome to you. p.s. i cried reading about the girl you lost.
from creepatron :
thank you so much for the html help! I can barely think straight anymore, it all drives me insane. I eventually (after reading your advice) was able to get everything the way I'd like it to look, but of course it doesn't show up at all when I upload it to dland! Can you imagine? Of course of course. I'm gonna delete that note just cause it takes up a lot of room, but I really appreciate it. Thanks so much!!
from poul :
very few can be awaken. in this life, at least. philister is always bored, and looks for things to entertain him; artist is never bored, but things can bore him.
from autumnal :
"You live like this, sheltered, in a delicate world, and you believe you are living. Then you read a book(Lady Chatterley, for instance), or you take a trip, or you talk with Richard, and you discover that you are not living, that you are hibernating. The symptoms of hibernating are easily detectable: first, restlessness. The second symptom(when hibernating becomes dangerous and might degenerate into death): absence of pleasure. That is all. It appears like an innocuous illness. Monotony, boredom, death. Millions live like this(or die like this) without knowing it. They work in offices. They drive a car. They picnic with their families. They raise children. And then some shock treatment takes place, a person, a book, a song, and it awakens them and saves them from death." Winter, 1931-1932 from The Diary of Anaïs Nin, Volume One 1931-1934
from autumnal :
my main domain is dreamlike.org...merci
from squirrelx :
You don't think you'll paint again? That's hard to imagine, Poul. You've got the soul of an artist and I think it will want to express itself that medium again. Warmest regards, Xtine P.S.: that link you sent me WAS priceless! Scary, but priceless!
from autumnal :
adieu.
from metalheart :
thank you, always. thank you. hope all is well with you. always.
from autumnal :
youre still not being very clear
from creepatron :
Thanks for the info. I'm trying to fiddle with the pic size...while I'm not a sheep, I do like the little texty scroll =) It just seems so much more convenient.
from quiddle :
thoughtful and thought-provoking diary. creepycreepy template. worth the read! have a nice day.
from autumnal :
I'm not sure what you are talking about in my notes. could you clarify?
from erato :
I had a good laugh about the manifesto. If you do come to Hawaii, do stop by Oahu, I should love to arrange a little tete-a-tete. Can I entice you with Kona coffee? Paint? A willing subject? Intellectual intercourse? Tropical days and nights?
from erato :
Ah, yes, of course. There must be an unveiling. Everyone who is anyone in Hawaii will be there. That I can certainly assure you. I will even procure your phone number and call you from the party and pass the phone around my friends. They love good entertainment at our soirees, and what can be better than hearing all about polyrealism and the premise of this art? Yes, yes. I will arrange it. ][ As for the exhibit--email me at cyber_heaven@hotmail.com and I will send you the links.
from erato :
You had the tone of one who had done more than just look at an old book's history page. Yes, the communist era brought many torments, but now Russia has been liberated. That's how I saw her, sprawling into the world. Like all those feelings and lives that had been trapped had been mixed with carbonation and exploded into life in 1991. When I was there, I knew I could finally live life in all extravagance, as that fabled femme fatale once said, "caress with one hand whilst killing with the other." Yes, it is a place of great many things. And one I explored with as much relish as one does a lover. ][ Electrique is a delight, and I am glad you changed nothing. I am growing more and more attached to the target practice series. I am glad no one had the guts, because the guts are mine, and I want them. I have no apartment yet, and no wallspace, but oh, but oh, I will. And when I do... well, you shall be the first to know.
from erato :
I am glad, very glad. And had I the time, I would make a stop just to see the show. I see my study even clearer now: Woody5 (alien target), and Woody7 (bond target practice II). Delight. As for Russia, yes I am a tourist in my own family history. But the process of rediscovery allows one to appreciate more. You seem as one altogether too familiar with its history. What's your story?
from erato :
I am a child of the world, but perhaps more so of Russia than any other land that has claimed a part of my family history. Deserted. Electrique. Crow. Lily. Orgazm2. War. Confined. And of course, birds. Stellar show. If you are not altogether offended by the offer from someone who is delighting far too much in your art, I should like to deck my study in Poul A. Costinsky. But let me get back to you once I actually know the wallspace of the latter. That is, if you're interested.
from erato :
Ah, Russia, my roots are beginning to show. Call me an idiot.
from erato :
My writing is breathing, and my art is my child. I am a very protective mother. I seldom show anything, but I am opening to the idea of putting some pictures online soon, if only for a very private show. Yes, you will be one of the first I notify. Perhaps then I can see your art as well, that is, if you have it online.
from namelessgirl :
very true indeed. but shall i try and fail, or should i just save my energy, that way if i do fail, i can tell myself it was because i didn't really want it, because if i HAD, i would have tried harder and attained it? fear of failure, fear of failure.
from erato :
Art, art is the release of everything. The ultimate catharsis. What is your medium--I must know. I paint in acrylic. But it has been a while. I have deserted my canvas. I am in a coma.
from erato :
thank you. there is no metamorphosis without emotion. Only someone open to that would understand it.
from autumnal :
simple lovely.
from devilscarpet :
I'm sorry I didn't reply to the guestbook signing you left me earlier. I just now saw it, strangely. I don't know what happened. I will have to go back through and rethink, though I wouldn't mind hearing more of your thoughts on the subject. Right now I'm far too tired, though. I'm weary of life. Bleh.
from nebulous615 :
wow. i'm going to sleep really well tonight.
from nebulous615 :
yes, i know your point. i'll leave it up to you whether you want to delete that note. my reasoning was to simply make it more difficult for some people to in... besides, i could be even more temperamental and just delete that password anyway. (ha). basically, the wrong people read the wrong entries (and kept reading) at the wrong time. also, i "privitized" about 2/3 of it all anyway. thanks for agreeing about the "just friends" -- it feels better already. [grin]
from thallium :
this is a bit late. just wanted to say thanks for the offer, but at the moment i shall remain celibate by default.
from chrissytreat :
thanks for the {{warning}} && i know what you mean. xx chris xx
from squirrelx :
Another high compliment, much appreciated. Thank you! Best, Xtine P.S.: you've got me wonderin' now, what shade of blue my aura is. Not powder blue, I hope, or anything close to aqua.
from squirrelx :
Thanks for the compliment on my ... banner. Best, Xtine / Squirrel X
from donnaisblue :
the last time i had a typewriter i was too young to know what to do with it. i suppose it would be nice, though.
from allumeuse :
it's not just the list, though; include my own love affair with hermès scarves, pearls, les fouettes, languages; the oddest of all a long buried relationship- with a man a decade my senior & of russian jewish ancestry & irrefutably the biggest computer geek i know- from less than halcyon days of age 20. tell me she was also a card-carrying mensa member & it'll start to feel like "la double vie de véronique" -- damn you kieslowski, why must you mock me?!
from untame-able :
You are probably right. All I know is now. If I think about anything else other than that, I lose it.
from donnaisblue :
it wont show up on my screen either, but i have you listed. it says 'unification of time and space,' from your first entry.
from allumeuse :
Am fascinated by N. and certain similarities. When interest was first actively pursued, there was reading, guilt-ridden clicking and devouring dark manias in HTML like fine chocolates. Forgive the intrusion; intrusion itself and for it being late. On Melville- I gave up the ghost for a new verse translation of Divina Commedia due to unfortunate ratio of the text's bulk to my waning interest.
from andnothingon :
What you say about grief is tremendous. I'm sorry for your loss. There is a heart in New Jersey that's with you, where ever.
from amy-poetica :
"I know it's your passion, but lay off the feminism." Hahaha. Any idea that is "I know it's your passion...but lay off it" will never work. I suppose I'll lay off when there isn't a complex set of expectations and constructions the affects my relations to both sexes... Take care, Amy
from amy-poetica :
I understand what you said about Tim -- but what else is one supposed to do? He'll never get a job. He doesn't seem to be happy or settled in the periods between visions, so much so that he's considering heroin. You want to have something to say to him. There's no way that heroin could be good for him. No way.
from devilscarpet :
I do my best. ;)
from amy-poetica :
I loved Nastenka's diary: I think she was one of the best diarist out there, and highly underread. There was sincerely nothing like here. I cannot imagine what you are going through, but I hope keeping a diary will help. I think you should get a guestbook... It's good to see that people are reading you. It helps a bit. Anyhow, so far I really like what you're writing... You're a good writer, too. Take care. I'll keep reading.
from untame-able :
Re your note: It's possible? Anyways, I'm flattered that you have put moi on your favourites list. It always gives me a bit of a start that people actually want to read about my life. It shocks me even more when people of considerable talent do. Peace.
from devilscarpet :
All of the above, perhaps?
from devilscarpet :
Aha. There you are. Your last e-mail got deleted, and I couldn't find the e-mail addy again to... well, tell you it was deleted. I like your design and your words. It'll be cool to see the words that come. Nice template you have, also. I'm cutting the compliments out now. Keep in touch?
from thallium :
Starving is easy, but the art part is more difficult. Also there is no over-decorated cafe here for me to brood in. But I do have a black beret.
from trystero :
yep, that entry was about nastenka. i barely knew her, except for one or two e-mails of mine expressing my love of her diary, but her death has hit me pretty hard, but nowhere near the amount of pain you must feel, and i am truly sorry for your loss. i was thinking about this the other day, and was about to ask you, but i'd like to buy a gold membership for her diary cos they usually take down one that hasn't been updated for three months, and i'd rather like to see her words stay for awhile, but it's all up to you. also, i hope to record a cd sometime this summer, and would very much like to dedicate a song to her memory, titled "april's march", but again, that's all up to you. if you can get back to me on both of those topics, i would appreciate it very much.
from thallium :
A writer? Right. But what will finance this high standard of living to which I am accustomed? Who will pay for my spaghetti-os? I will not starve for art!
from poul :
shoot

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