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It was so nice to hear from you! All I can remember at the moment was my silly packege-sending spree. I know I'm terrible with the notes and such, but I really was happy to hear from you. It seems you're doing well - I hope it's so.

from f-i-n :

hugs and kisses

from luvabeans :

it sounds like your life is lovely in many ways, lately. you sound happy in a wondering way. i'm glad.

from bluewicked :

like the hat-good follicles!

from luvabeans :

oh, and post-script pssst -- yeah, it's that same friend. she's so relieved she's not moving to cold lake, alberta.

from luvabeans :

psssssssssssst-- i don't remember, exactly. i'll let you know, though, and if i ever have the dough to get to BC for a holiday, i'll do my best to visit. i of course intend to try.

from luvabeans :

psst-- my best friend and her husband are moving to B.C. i think it's cordova bay? i don't remember. some pretty, artsy place that begins with a "c".

from bluewicked :

November is a good time for birthdays. (my favorite!)...did you pre celebrate at BC Place and dress in green?

from luvabeans :

quarterly birthdays? you are so my kind of person.

from scrapedgrace :

Joel Plaskett is opening up for The Tragically Hip on their upcoming tour. Just thought you'd like to know.

from luvabeans :

there are so many conflicting "facts" coming from the media, and so much of politics is shaped by media messages, and even if they weren't, politicians don't have the greatest reputation for agenda-free honesty. no, but that's certainly not specific to politics in the united states. so, imagine that you've lived your whole life surrounded by wonderful things, that you've been told are yours, because you will someday and forever have a voice in how they affect you. imagine you grew to trust the presence of your voice to the extent that you thought it was okay to take for granted, because there was simply no way anyone could take it away from you, because you were protected by some sort of higher power that you and your fellow citizens had and have a say in shaping. now imagine that something happened to make you doubt the entire structure, so that it's not just "the media" or "politicians" that you can't trust, but the entire structure on which the identity of your nation and your identity within it is shaped. it's kind of like finding out that your parents and everyone you love are actually space aliens, using you in a complicated and clumsy experiment, and that they were only pretending to care about you. i know i'm being a little over-dramatic, and to be honest, i wasn't expecting to feel this strongly. but that's how this american voter feels.

from schmutzie :

Nostalgia is running thick with a lot of people lately. A friend tells me it has something to do with the recent lunar eclipse, which urges us to change or die. Yikes. Think of it this way: you have had a good enough life so far to warrant nostalgia, which makes you a lucky, lucky man.

from luvabeans :

regardless of its accuracy, the first sentence makes one want to rephrase "happy as a clam" to become "happy as an otter." why are clams so fuckin' happy, anyway? the only satisfying thing they seem to do is making pearls, which only comes about through severe discomfort on the clam's part.

from fairlywell :

The song is called "Ashes of American Flags," and Lord Jim is indeed terrible. And on too many college reading lists. It somehow ended up required for two out of the four lit classes I took. Why, I do not know.

from schmutzie :

You're around still! Glad to read you. How is your sister doing?

from luvabeans :

dork. i'm a dork! http://www.alwaysontherun.net/velvet.htm#5 ... ok, kelly. STOP THINKING IN SONG LYRICS! IT MAKES YOU LAME! LIKE A USELESS HORSE, LAME!

from luvabeans :

reminds me of the velvet underground's "run run run." not so much the urban drug-addict imagery, but the "gypsy death and you" stuff.

from luvabeans :

dough-farming is the next big thing. ride that train, bruthaman. and bring an umbrella.

from fridayfilms :

That's horrible about your sister. I hope she's doing alright. The part about your boss brings back a lot of memories for me - I've had a few efficient Asian employers myself, and they seem to work on a different kind of clock. A faster running, more unforgiving clock.

from luvabeans :

my, but you're funny today. vancouver looks good on you. but ... you don't sell babies or opium? or opium to babies? you're not who i thought you were! scoundrel.

from luvabeans :

thanks for the props, man. aren't i cute? i'm so cute.

from fridayfilms :

My stalking is very contingent on whether a certain school accepts a certain writer, who will certainly run for her life towards the welcoming arms of the mountains. At which point, you'll have to give me your address, or at least your phone number, because in real life I'm useless at tracking people down.

from luvabeans :

cool. very cool. i still can't get the thought of moving again out of my head, but i'm starting to think that's ok. fun. happy vancouver!

from fridayfilms :

I'm so jealous. I'm totally stalking you when I get to Vanvouver. You're going to be my first friend there. Just you wait.

from schmutzie :

It looks like she's holding together so far. I should have found out who that guy was when I still remembered where I found him.

from luvabeans :

thanks, sir. you're one of my favorites, you know.

from luvabeans :

shut up, there is, TOO, cause for jealousy. mrrrgh. but only a part of me is jealous, because ... i don't know ... i'm going through this weird "there's no such thing as now" and "there's no such thing as forever ... in a good way" and "i don't give much of a flying fuck what people think of me" thing, and i don't know how else to describe it, but i'm pretty sure you're pickin' up what i'm puttin' down. bye! (and i'm glad you like the nipple hair idea. i'm never sure if it's just to damned creepy.)

from luvabeans :

i knew you'd have something to say about that last entry. you have no idea how much i envy you your job and circumstances, and you have no idea how tempting your offer is. so, you have a car?

from fridayfilms :

Thank you for articulating what I've been trying to tell people for years. Hey, how about thismofosgoingdownophobia?

from schmutzie :

Fear of airsickness is aeronausiphobia, and I found another fabulous word for you for the fear of flying -- phteromerhanophobia, but nothing on crashing specifically.

from luvabeans :

naw, i gotcha. i was just being a wiseass.

from luvabeans :

"catastraphobia" sounds like fear of castration. wait, no it doesn't. i guess it would be fear of catastration. (shut up, kelly.) and you are really no help for my incessant wanderlust, mister.

from fridayfilms :

"A task at which I am both fully capable of achieving and excited to accomplish." That's what I would say.

from fairlywell :

I love that entry so much. Don't be scared if you get lots of hits for it from my IP- it made me laugh out loud, which needs to happen more often. Metaphysical wheelies! Genius!

from luvabeans :

i did read the whole entry, but i have something irrelevant to say: a friend told me tonight that it's rumored that stephen hawking is being abused by his wife. awful. not to bring you down or anything. nice wheelie.

from scrapedgrace :

I imagine it is like one of those books where, at the end, you wind up sitting there going, "That's it?! That's terribly unresolved. What the hell?" Knowing the meaning of life would make it rather final, wouldn't it? I suppose that's why you don't get to know these things while alive. It would make it all rather anti-climactic.

from fridayfilms :

Yes, a confederacy of dunces (heh). I'm glad that you enjoyed the story - I was a little concerned that I was just being petty. I don't know why I was under the impression that bigger cities breed smarter people. Live and learn, I s'pose.

from schmutzie :

An interesting thing about God being alone: if He feels alone, it's his fault. The bible never claims that there aren't other gods, and in fact outrightly states that there are. It only admonishes us to pay attention to one in particular and to ignore the others. If he's lonely, it's probably because he's unpopular due to his all-high-and-mightiness.

from luvabeans :

i loved that entry. i agree that while change is good, the legistics of orchestrating Big Life Changes are far, far too easy to put off. i find, though, that once i have settled on a decision, i can get through the bullshit somewhat methodically. never neatly, mind you, but methodically. i don't understand how so many people (those who have the luxury, mind you,) can live life without ever voluntarily shaking everything up once or twice. i suppose it's not the only way to challenge yourself, but it's so empowering and yields so many stories. well done.

from redsirenbody :

I appreciate you saying you like some of the entries. I enjoy writing this diary a lot. I hope that you are having a wonderful day and I will be back to see what you write about next! L

from redsirenbody :

i love your font you have on your diary. I also love love love the David Grey, Modest Mouse and Moby songs. keep happy. L

from luvabeans :

i have slight issues with david gray. beautiful stuff, yes, but strangely manipulative and hard to trust. it can be hard to listen to, sometimes. like an unexpected letter from an ex-boyfriend or something.

from fairlywell :

I got a package... love the postcards, have the snake on my PC at work, and am working my way through the CDs. Thanks!

from luvabeans :

hm. not necessarily like every goodbye might be my last, because that's a lot of goodbyes and might get depressing and tedious despite the intention behind the effort. i try to keep a more big-picture outlook, and live like the rug might be yanked out from under me at any moment. this is more conducive to the welcoming of change, i find, as opposed to the acceptance of inevitable endings. maybe it's all semantics, but such things help one maintain a melancholy optimism. and: it's painful at times, isn't it, when our favorite metaphysical states are so vividly tied to physical memories? nostalgia can be a nasty whore.

from scrapedgrace :

The show was a bit different seeing as it was an acoustic show. I'm used to seeing him with a band, and I think I prefer it that way. Having said that, it was still a fine show. He played a little bit of everything including three or four new songs and an interesting attempt at "new country." If you missed him this time, I'm sure he'll be back soon, as I've managed to see him four times in the past year without ever leaving Saskatoon. When did you start listening to him, and are you a Thrush Hermit fan as well?

from candoor :

Sometimes I see notes as a dog might see urine, a way to mark having been somewhere. I, like the dog, mean no offense and enjoyed your tree very much.

from luvabeans :

look at that note below, and there's a little column of "becauses" on the left side. see? look. see?

from luvabeans :

right. so, in regards to sleep: i hate it. i go through these "life's too short" kicks from time to time, and have developed the bad habit of staying up waaaaay too late as a result, not because i'm planning to get anything done, because i usually just fuck around or whatever; nor because i'm insomnic, because i'm not; but rather because i fully resent the concept of going to bed. i am 6 years old. as far as your comment on my last entry is concerned: thanks, man. today, i plan to talk about falling off of my bike, and making out. not in that order, necessarily. the DEPTH! the BEAUTY!

from luvabeans :

how about: "if i was the grand canyon / i'd echo everything you'd say / but i'm just me, i'm only me / and you used to love me that way / so you know how to love me that way." such a simple song with a deceptively happy tune, and it fucking kills me. now i'll go read your entry.

from wench77 :

jeepers, a Regina person who was (is?) actually in Montreal recently and who writes about being a different person when they get out of the Queen City?!! mygosh! Hello! I am a Regina expatriate living in Montreal since 1982... I read you talking about good blogs in Regina and something about the water in Jessica Lovejoy's notes (I was looking through them wondering if there were clues as to why she disappeared off Diaryland) so thought I'd check you out. I just read the recent entry, and could totally relate. I became a completely different more-me person when I got out of there. No one knew me here and I could expand into me without everyone prejudging from what they KNEW of me. Anyways, I should look around for these other Regina blogs. I havent been back there since 97 when my mom moved away from there. Tah!

from luvabeans :

dude, just so you understand, if we both move to montreal, you're obligated to be my friend. at least until we both find more interesting people to hang out with. excellent.

from luvabeans :

"Happiness is wherever you find it." that seems to be a theme among diaries lately. maybe i'm just noticing it more, because it's on my mind.

from luvabeans :

"go eat a bag of dicks." ha.

from luvabeans :

don't feel bad about not having data to support your claim. i don't think one can quantify something as subjective as overuse.

from fairlywell :

Such glowing praise! I should include that with my CV as a character reference. Oh, apparently there may be more errors in the CDs than I knew originally- I guess the copying was not perfect, and I didn't listen to them all before sending. So if yours don't work, let me know and I'll replace them.

from luvabeans :

this is going back a wee bit, and is on a slightly different train of thought, (choo-choo!,) but i've at times thought of the option of suicide as the most profound human privilege. i don't mean that suicide is a good option, but it's tremendously powerful and uniquely human, isn't it? man, that's bleak. sorry. (by the way, i'm likewise a scorpio, but i don't think i'm the greatest scorpio representative.)

from meeyapede :

I found you because, um...well, anyone w/ me on their favorites list is most likely brilliant enough to merit my consideration-- and gol'durnit, I'm glad I took the time. One question though- what the fuck is up w/ Regina? How come like 4 diarists that I read are from there? I swear, it's the Canadian version of Columbus, OH, where another ton of great diaries originate. Friggin weird. Oh, and how much do you wannna bet that that Spiderman web-goo is toxic? I see another Silly-String incident in the making. HaHAHA! Justice!

from luvabeans :

another train of thought that will not only prevent you from sleeping, but fuck with your waking hours as well: think about your breathing. not in the lalala yogic sense, but think of the actual physical process, and breathing no longer becomes a voluntary activity, but morphs into something arduous. gah. ooh! i wonder if the same thing happens when you think of your heart beating. maybe i can train myself to circulate my blood without the aid of my heart. hours of fun! woo! sorry.

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