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oh god I love you so fucking much you know. i was talking to ben earlier, and i was trying to put into words how much i love you and i just couldn't do it. it wasnt me that put that picture up, but i know who it was. i think i'll keep that a secret. anyway, back to the point, i love you more than anything, more than drugs, and probably more than alcohol. oh, i'm also quite drunk right now. but you know how much i love to talk about love when i'm drunk... and sober, and pilled etc. i'll see you tomorrow... lovelovelove x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x x

from itineration :

became inebriated via salvia divinorum last night. insanity ensues.

from itineration :

hello. it's antisthenes. this is my new diary. i'll be using it once my nineteenth birthday hits.

from stoner-girl :

lol you're right, Annies aren't really that normal. Though at least a lot I know aren't lilke the Annie for that happy perky fucking musical ;) Maybe they all feel like they should prove it wrong or something?

from stoner-girl :

do you know a guy called Rory? or Luke? I've been reading your diary for a while now, as you well know. And I've suddenly realised how similiar you are to this girl Annie I've been hearing about (and spoke to once on msn) from these two guys. Anyway, I've decided to drop a note and say hey again, thanks for the reassurance about being 16 :) you're right really, and I've realised that. I love reading your diary, expecially because you have so many similar insights into the way I look at life too - only I rarely put them down in my diary because I forget *blush* its the only problem with being a stoner lol. Anyway, keep writing, I know you had some doubts about it before but I think you and alot of others gain quite a bit from your diary - if only just a good (and rare might I add) perspective on drugs. Though I think you have great talent at writing, you describe and explain things very well, which I find highly enjoyable lol.

from misssmitten :

I have only taken X about 4 times and it's been at least 3 years ago. (I'm getting too old for that shit now) Anyhow my second experience was the only good one. It was really really good and I know why people become addicted to that feeling. It was great at the time. The other times I just got sick and passed out. Not too much fun. I had a friend that started taking it alot though...and I mean alot. I'm sure you've heard that it depletes your seratonin right? Well she took so much so often that she felt she needed it to be happy...it got to the point where it depleted most of the seratonin in her brain and she became SOOOOO depressed. She ended up renting a hotel room and comitted suicide by eating a bunch of pills. That's a big part of what made me quit. Ya know. She was such a sweet and loving chick but she never felt happy anymore. No matter how good life was going. I'm not telling you the story in hopes that it'll change your decision because I know that it won't I know I had to decide for myself when it was the right time for me to quit. I just thought I'd share a story with you because that's what you asked for. I also heard one time that some chick died from drinking too much water on X and it detoxified her blood. I don't know if it's true but it was interesting. on a lighter note... I've got the best stoner game ever. I used to play this all the time. Find something kind of small like a gumby doll or some type of bendable figurine or small toy. Sit with your friends and smoke like usual wherever you usually smoke then everyone leaves the room and you get to hide the toy somewhere in the same room...the other people come back in and try to find it...It sounds lame but here's where it gets fun...the person who finds it hides it again but it's best to find it when no one else is in the room and hide it somewhere else before anyone notices it has been moved. Being stoners alot of the time you forget where you've hidden it and sometimes you forget about the game completely for a day or two until you happen to find the toy again and then you get all excited and hide it again. I'm sure it doesn't sound nearly as fun as it really is. I'm glad you wrote me and I hope life goes wonderful for you because you're a sweetie. Write me whenever you'd like and thanks for reading my diary.

from atwowaydream :

ecstasy, yes. you're right about all of it, it makes me think that I'm a changed person. but really, it just brings out the change.

from misssmitten :

You are right. I don't know you, but I wish I did. You seem like a pretty cool person. Anyhow I just wanted to say hello.

from cheerchik234 :

I feel that dropping out is one of the stupidest things you could do. It doesn't make you a bad person, rather a very screwed over one. And I don't like drugs, it's ruined to many of my friends lives. However if someone feels that they want to be a druggy, that's fine, unless you allow it to fuck you up too much. And finally I'm a bitch but tthese two were just people that everyone hates Because they are unintelligent stupid fucking retards. And I'm glad someone else has a fucked up period lol. hehe.

from supertele :

u want stoner games eh? well it may not interest you but as my stoners are all musitions most games are music related. one is called musical fish, where we have to sing the word fish and hold the note for as long as you can, the rules are that you cant sing the same note as anyone else, it has to harmonise with the other notes and the person to stop first loses. lol not very interesting but oh well. We also have staring matches, which can tend to last for hours considering how stoned we get. and then it gets even worse for when we go into the slaging matches, obvious, just pick someone and cuss the hell out of em, this one is great when the rappers in our year join in because the wit is simply amazing haha. oh well xx

from misssmitten :

It was great getting a message back from you. I'm glad to see your point of view. Feel free to add my diary to your list if you'd like. I don't have many friends on here. Write me anytime.

from completeliar :

i think i sold you some pineapple juice once... or maybe it was some chocolate biscuits?...

from misssmitten :

Well, You were wondering if others read your diary and what they thought. I spent my morning reading all of your entries. (I'm so bored at work) and I thought I'd let you know what I thought. For one thing although you are quite a bit younger and from an entirely different place I find that you are alot like I was at 17. You're also alot like I am now at times. I hope I don't bore you to death but I'd like to talk about some of your entries...You asked why some people believe in God...My reasoning is my biological father and my step father (the one who raised me) along with about 15 other friends and family members are dead. If there isn't a God then there is no such thing as heaven and I'll never see them again. I don't believe in organized religion, I also don't believe in many things in the bible. I just have to have hope that God and Heaven do exist or I'll have to believe that I'll never see my dad or my friends again. That's my reasoning. You seem very smart for being young judging by your entry titled instructions. Very smart. Also I noticed you had an entry about changing the world and how you would probably never change the world yourself. I too felt this way. Then I realized even if you don't know it, you affect people that you come in contact with every day. I realized the difference I made and continue to make is being a good friend and a good godmother to my friends children. Being there for your friends when they need you and giving them good advice or a shoulder to lean on changes the way people look at life. People learn things from other people every day and those people pass those types of things to their own children. It may not drastically affect life as we know it but it may change the way things are in the future little by little. You mentioned also about the song by the streets The Irony of it All, I think you'll be both surprised and pleased to know that Americans listen to it and love it too. I think it's one of the greatest songs ever. I agree with most of what it has to say even though I'm guilty of being a smoker and a drinker myself. Anyhow I hope I haven't bored you to death with this super long note. Feel free to read my diary, in fact PLEASE read it. I don't think anyone does. Have a great day, Misssmitten

from purplebanana :

Thanks!

from stoner-girl :

yeah i know man, maybe do what i did and just start off having less tokes of the ones that are going around. or putting less in if you're rolling.

from stoner-girl :

Heya, look i've been there, the messy head and the depression. You just really need to go sober for a while, honestly, it did really help. Then you can think clearer and focus on your work, once the work pressure has been lifted, everything else is amazing, and then having a good long hit of weed after 2 weeks of sobriety, is pretty damn awesome.

from estratto :

Notice: The code is the same, all you have to do is reapply to the diaryring anti-flag. I had to delete it from that diary. Thanks!

from lostunfound :

nice diary. :D

from dark-doll :

A tamagotchi?! Sweet hahah I had so much fun with those electronic games when I was about 10 years old! They used to worth 15 dollars (CAN) and now they're selling some for 1 buck! teehee!

from reallyhuman :

flibble fly away.

from iamblessed :

ahh! not lockage!

from confrere :

Aww, don't lock it.

from honestliar :

*gasp* you're all locked up! *cries*

from antisthenes :

I knew that 42 was coming.

from rainforme :

hey, i like your diary... thanks for sharing.

from antisthenes :

And I only want to live to be a thorn twisting in your side. Eh, so I've moved to livejournal. I'm not sure if you read my diary before. Or if you'd like to continue- but if you do, drop me an email address in my d-land guestbook or just send me something via the email contained in the d-iary. It starts out somewhat strong, and, of course, fades into banality.

from superguitar :

hey i just read ur diary and realised im going to be away on your birthday, so i shall take this oppertunaty to wish you a happy birthday, HAPPYBIRTHDAY, there we go, i shall speak soon byebyexxxxx rich

from honestliar :

Thanx love. I heart my collarbone. Mine sticks out and is quite noticable, its like a shelf, it entertains me. Mind you my sternum is the same way, sticking out alot making it quite noticable. And my hip bones, thats really entertaining, when I lay down there's like a trench, a sunken in cave between my hips. I love it. xxxxx

from anna-spanna :

I really like your diary, you have a good mix of entries and the 'top 10 list of people to get stoned' is bluddy funny =D I'll be back to read more. Anna x

from purplebanana :

You're right. Every now and then I go and poke around Diaryland, trying to find interesting diaries to read. And 99.9999 percent of them are depressing, depressed, depressive.

from myhappiness :

shiver me timbers...I just might fall for this diary..heheheee...

from antisthenes :

While left-wingers may tend to be idealists fighting for equality, and while right-wingers do tend to put more stock in government control, I think that they both have about the same propensity for generating nice people. It's just that with right-wingers, their elected officials are, in general, huge bastards. I agree with equality to an extent- yeah, we should all be given the same respect as human beings, okay, that makes sense. But what I'm not for is handing out cash for the destitute when they could easily change that. I mean, jobs aren't hard to find. Even if the employer looks down on you as a smelly hobo, I bet you could find shitty work below minimum wage. I bet you could rent out a sleep room for a hundred dollars a month. Blah. I think what most people end up doing in terms of feminists is confuse them with feminazis; women who not only want to stop women from being oppressed, but then in turn think, that because THEY were oppressed, the men should be in turn. Gals who want to smash the glass ceiling and then rebuild it with them on top.

from stoner-girl :

lol i think theres enough stoners if you look out for them, but half of them I've seen haven't really been worth reading if you know what I mean. Then again, who's to say mine is lol. Anyway I think drugs aren't real happiness because its chemical, its synthetic. Real happiness is the emotion you feel without using anything else, its from inside of you. Most people use drugs as an escape from their life, or to feel better for a short while from this chemical happiness, medicine or as i said for englightenment/insight. Sorry about your bad trip, though its always good to learn from. Every life experience is always good to learn from really.

from stoner-girl :

Hey, Adam showed me a link to your diary as we seem to have much in common lately. Weed may not be REAL happiness, but it certainly is a quick train to insight, insight on yourself and insight on the world around you. You have beaten me to a shroom experience, for which I shall forever be jealous of, but I'm glad someone else sees the world my way.

from antisthenes :

Drugs are not bad. They certainly are not inherently evil. Nothing is. What they are though, is entertainment, and a pretty cheesy path to self-discovery and enlightenment.

from antisthenes :

Why do people believe in God? Well, for many, it's because of that silly upbringing thing. Their parents believed in God, and taught them likewise. My parents were split, and as such, my upbringing was split as well. One part God, one part objective judgement of the notion. Some people readily accept God due to physical pains which are said to be filled with his love. I know that if I were starving, the notion of a life better than the one I have no would seem rather appealing to me. The idea that maybe, if I keep going for as long as I can in this horrible place, without food, without shelter, maybe, just maybe, there'll be something else. Why do people believe in God? I think that it's part Fear, part Comfort, part curiosity for the unknown. We need something to be afraid of, we need something to comfort us, and we need to know that we don't already know everything, that there are miracles all around us and that we haven't figured everything out yet. For these things, I find solace in Kevin Costner movies; how does he keep getting work?

from blacsunrise :

I dont, Im actually in the middle of reading Athiesm: The case against god. Its a good book.

from tool-nin-fan :

I'm sure there was more to it than that.

from suicidemuse :

Yeah well I don't have to read stuff like that about me. No matter how pissed off I've been with you I've NEVER written anything like that.

from antisthenes :

Brave New World; methods which the powers that be employ to keep its beloved citizens under control and "leveled".

from cheerchik234 :

Hey. I loved your entry today. It was so truthful and I love that. I love how you can voice your opinion and have thoughts and feelings about something. Where I live, in this town, it's completely frowned upon. My one friend told me that she'd never met a more opinonated person and she completely disliked that characteristic about me. I really think that it's true about the whole propograda thing. Thanks ~cass

from suicidemuse :

fuck you then

from antisthenes :

Yes, and while we're changing the lifestyle of Ireland, we can all take some soma and watch some feelies, right?

from sweetchick37 :

We seem to be very alike...my diary is old, it doesn't represent me, but I came back to look around, and stumbled upon your diary...check mine out to find out about me, and contact me if it interests you. Thanks

from blacsunrise :

Middle class accent?? Would that be like how some americans think someone is stupid just because they have a southern accent?

from antisthenes :

Judgement and prejudice are not exchangeable terms. Judgement is what keeps from stepping in front of a speeding semi. Prejudice is what (may) keep me from stepping into a semi driven by Whitey.

from antisthenes :

Most inventions that have improved the lives of our species were created as a result of selfishness. Most creators do not create for the sake of their brothers and sisters, but for the sake of their own gain and pride. Selfishness isn't bad on all accounts. Not at all.

from antisthenes :

Suicide is selfish, yes. But wouldn't somebody's reason for missing me were I to commit suicide be equally selfish, in almost all cases? They miss me because they are minus one friend. Minus one son. Minus one capital investment. They miss me because they are now lacking something in THEIR lives. Sounds selfish to me.

from cuzcowsrkool :

help!! i cant figure out this damn diary place!! look at my stupid diary i dont know what i've done with it!

from alkalinesibz :

stop taking drugs

from lklittle :

Did you know that Lewis Carrol reall was on drugs when he wrote Alice In Wonderland? The cheshire cat was a figment of imaginaion that kept appearing while he was tripping.

from blacsunrise :

Speakin of poems...if you havent, read "Dolce et Decorum Est" its wonderful and fits your theme

from cheerchik234 :

Hey. If it helps, I did eat more then an apple. I started getting really sick, from my medicine. It still hadn't worn off. I ate this wrap thing. Well not all but most of it. I ate a twinkie thing just now too because supper isn't ready and blah. So there ya go. I don't know if you've noticed, but I kind have a problem with this whole calorie intake thing and food. It bothers me. I don't know being fat and all it scares me to get fatter. I don't want to look like these American's. hehe Cassandra

from blacsunrise :

See the thing is, something doesnt actually have to be real to matter to someone. It may sound weird but I believe its true. Dont feel bad because something matters to you. And let me tell you, jaded at 16 isnt so bad theres too much left for you to experience to be truly jaded, I know this cause Ive felt the same way for a long time, but everyday there is more and I go with it, Ill worry about crisis when I am 40. I hope this made a little sense (im not known for sense-making) either way my goal is to make you feel better I hope I did that at least.

from alkalinesibz :

you make me sound like the fucking antichrist

from papercutview :

you requested a review at papercut reviews for your old diary...i was wondering if you still wanted a review done and if so, this diary or your old one? thanks. -chelsea

from our-views :

You never replied to the note, so I did a review anyways. It can be found here: http://our-views.diaryland.com/reallyhuman.html

from blacsunrise :

Hey, Im feeling you. I was watching this show on the Travel Channel called millionaire toys ...or some such nonsense. These people spent 50 thousand dollars (dont know what the pound conversion is but its a freakin lot if moola) on a dolled up swing set for there kids. All I could think of is how many lives the Red Cross could save with that much money. I consider myself pretty grown up and I still think its appalling and want to cry when I watch the destruction of this planet at the hands of my peers. Keep the faith, and never get jaded, its the worst thing that could ever happen to a person like yourself.

from honestliar :

My first comment should be positive, so I will say to you, I love you darling, I love the way you write and I love the way you think. My second comment can be a little more critical, atheists or evolutionists, whatever you are, are complete idiots. Sorry, but, yea its true, apes? big..bang? accident? If that were really true I don't think that anyone could ever have a real will to live. And I think you are very smart and very perceptive, but somethings are too good to be true, so we choose to believe the bad. I do it too, and I really should practice what I preach, but nope. I don't. So I really don't know what my point is. Other than, I love you, and my friends mock me too. I'm 6ft tall, my hair is purple, I'm ghostly white, I can't shave my legs without missing a spot, I have so many blonde moments, I'm dating a dork, I fall down a lot, I have big hips, I say stupid things, I'm loud and I'm annoying. Everyone has faults. But I think thats what make people interesting. xxxxxxxx

from failinbeauty :

Hi, Im not sure if you recall asking for a review from our-views but you did and requested I do it. Its been a while, Im sure but drop me a note if you'd still like me to do it. If not, please drop a note saying that as well so I know. Thanks!

from red-reviews :

your review is up! Enjoy, if u have any comments about it, you can go ahead and contact the reviewer!

from tornnbroken :

*curtsy* youre very welcome...i like your diary btw...

from tornnbroken :

hey for your notes link just copy this into your html thing...here i copied and pasted it from my browser thing...http://members.diaryland.com/edit/addnote.phtml?user=reallyhuman i think you know how to html it and link it up...if you dont just note me. have a nice day.

from antisthenes :

I have to lose twenty more pounds, or I'll never be pretty!

from antisthenes :

"drugs, alcohol, fizzy drinks, McDonalds food and sweets" It's decided- I'm lenting with you, and doing one better, though it is already in short supply hereabouts: no sex. That is, others or alone. I'll surely kill myself (or at the very least give in) before the forty days is up. Here's to friday!

from antisthenes :

My condolences for the loss of your uncle; this is at least half-sincere in that, while I do not know you very well and did not know your uncle very, I know what it feels like to lose somebody, and can identify with what you're feeling. Concerning Ryan, he may be nothing more than a jerk, or he may be, possibly, human; death is a hard thing to figure out. If he's dealt with he, he may want to avoid any further note of it. If he hasn't, he may feel compelled to, in order to spare his own despair, ignore it and shrug it off, which unfortunately only adds to your condition. I know it won't do much good wishing you to feel better, but seeing as I have made a habit out of performing futile activities,anyhow: feel better. You certainly deserve to.

from tool-nin-fan :

That last entry was excellent.

from alkalinesibz :

hey hey I've got no school tomorrow, so if you wanna do something tonight or tomorrow ring me, I've gone over my limit.... xxxxx

from alkalinesibz :

hey hey if you're online note me back xx

from alkalinesibz :

hey hey if you're online note me back xx

from twaddler :

It's really tough sometimes to know if your friends really care. Most of the time they do. I honestly hope things begin to look up. It's no fun to not be yourself, but it's hard to figure out who you are sometimes.

from maried :

I enjoyed you entry. I've felt a similar way, and still fade in and out of it now and then. Of course, whether it's for attention or not depends on the circumstances. It's tough to sort out feelings, they are so confusing and fatal. I just like to keep my mind busy, and eventually, everything falls into place. Good luck!

from cheerchik234 :

Sounding stupid and being stupid are two totally differnt as well as opposing terms. Being stuipd - an all the time stupidity that is usually goes unrecongized upon the individual and when told so denied. Sounding stupid- an occasional totally human thing. Most know when something is stupid and it is inevitable to sound stupid at some point and time. It's usually fun to be stupid. Anyways my point is we all know you are as far from stupid as anyone could ever be and we would never think you were stupid. MUAH HA HA HA.

from antisthenes :

Bisexuality seems absolutely absurd. Sexuality has always implied a preference. Heterosexuals prefer the opposite sex. Homosexuals prefer the same sex. This does not mean that heteros will only fuck the opposite set, nor does it mean that homos will only fuck the same sex. It's about preference, and I find it very, very hard to believe that anyone on this planet actually prefers both sexes equally, rather than just being indifferent about whom their with.

from venusianspy :

I like what I'm reading so far. Will be back for more. TY. Venusianspy

from cheerchik234 :

First I must say I agree with you on the subject of people who don't read books. It's beyond me. I read all the time. Next, we did have the money. We had all the money any one could ever want. My mom had a very well paying job. The accident was nice enough to take that away. We had about 1/2 million in medical bills which does clean out most of the money and leaves us with one less working person. Life support costs a ton and then the therapy and medication and so much. I just don't want people thinking I was always poor because I wasn't. I mean it's not wrong that people don't have money. It's just we do work for every thing we have and everything we have had. I don't know I'm going on and on being hypocritical and stupid now and not quite sure of what I'll all babbling about.

from freaktard :

I think I am guilty of that. I don't read books. I used to love to read, then I stopped for a while because I didn't feel like going to the library and I read all the books in my house and I just got used to never reading another book again. Instead, I get my knowledge from people's internet weblogs and diaries and movies. And every single book I pick up...I just can't get into it if it's fiction or something. I can only read realistic fiction, information books, and journals. I should be grateful that I'm such a good reader...a LOT better than so many people (I don't know how people can't read, I'm sorry), but I don't like to read.

from honestliar :

It was your mission to save my tortured soul?? Really. That is very interesting.

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