messages to realsnoopy:
(click here to add new message):

from x-centricity :
*hugs*!! I know exactly what you mean! It's been three weeks and I still feel so happy. I wish that my first had been this amazing. I don't know what's different but I'm definitely more in love with my hubby than I've EVER been. Who knew after 7 years I would still love him as much as I do now. I'm truly blessed. Here's a link to my facebook album of the girls. https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.10150295756794188.383507.524754187&type=1&l=556f8fc9df
from kestra :
Hi! I could send you the username and password to my diary over Facebook, if you're willing to add me? My Facebook URL is http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1300484033 If this URL doesn't work, send me a note here to let me know!
from greenwitch :
I hope you are able to find a diagnosis and move on to a fix - hang in there {{{hugs}}}
from x-centricity :
I'm sending a TON of prayers your way. *hugs*
from violetsmile :
Are you staying with Abe?
from violetsmile :
Thanks for your note. I really appreciated it. Especially as, now it has been a couple of months, people have forgotten and moved on. At first everyone asked how I was feeling, and kept checking on me. Now I'm dealing with it alone. So to have a message of support out of the blue like that, really comforted me. So thank you. I'm so so sorry you're going through such a terrible time. I wish I had words to make you feel better. I don't read over here very often (damn Facebook has stolen my affections! lol) but will add you now! x
from greenwitch :
parenting is not for the faint of heart... I hope you can find peace with your children or let go so that you can move to a better place yourself. Welcome back to the blogosphere, I hope things improve for you
from kestra :
I feel the same way as you. I need to get back to blogging on here...
from endthelies :
Oh my gosh, I can't believe your back! I'm so, so sorry that seems are hard for you right now. It's terrible that the reason you're back has to be such a sad one. I really hope that writing helps. My heart goes out to you.
from x-centricity :
Thanks, Sugar. *hugs*
from svenhard :
hey, life sounds hard for you at the mo that sucks, you sound (read?) really nice and genuine; here's another person wishing you well xxx
from kestra :
Oh no! I truly loved reading your entries. I'm just sorry that I didn't get a chance to respond to every one of your posts, because you deserved that. You have always written such wonderful, supportive notes to me, and I have always truly appreciated it. I hope that you just decide to take a vacation from Diaryland, and eventually return. Being here on Diaryland just won't be the same without you!
from grt8f84me :
WHAT? WHAT? YOU CAN'T LEAVE ME!!!! Everyone's is jumping ship! What is going on, here? Do you plan to write somewhere else? Can I still contact you just to keep in touch? I am going to miss you...so very much! Who is going to keep me on the straight and narrow? OK...OK, I'll stop being selfish. I wish you all the happiness in the world. But I really hope we can still keep in touch. Take care, my sweets! **hugs**
from greenwitch :
A bright future to you. You will be missed.
from d1mndn3r0ugh :
Good luck to you. You will be missed.
from lostinmylove :
I hope your ok. Email me if you want. ♥
from barelyspoken :
hey! i just wanted to stop by. i haven't got the time to read your journal (i have to go to work soon), but i will later. i haven't had time for lots of stuff since i got a job. grr. i don't like it. but, i just wanted to say hi. talk to you later!
from ava-reborn :
Christmas is such a nostalgic bag of emotions!!! I totally understand!! I'm glad you have some quality time to spend with Abe for a few days! Enjoy every second!! xx
from grt8f84me :
I am so happy you received it. Marine never got hers! GRRRRR! You are wonderful, and I just wanted you to know it. Have a great day, Sweetie!
from lostinmylove :
Figures, you relax, so she shows up!! Have a wonderful Halloween!!! ♥
from october-moon :
I'm on Xanga now! ^ ^ If you want to read, the URL is http://www.xanga.com/white_geisha
from kestra :
I remember when I was selling those books on half.com, and day after day of going to the post office, I think on the last day, the people at the post office were about ready to say to me, "You again?!" Well, at least I was doing my part to keep them in business, I guess. :-) So... How did your three pages of BSing go? BTDT, I pretended like I loved every minute of it, just so that I could get an A. It's a test of how much you can brown nose when you make it to the "real" world, I think. :-)
from ingridwrites :
No. I haven't really start Christmas shopping. BUT I did get Mister his 'gift' already. And I gave it to him. I figured it was silly to wait, since he isn't a kid and understands that if he gets his present now, he doesn't get any more at Christmas. It is an Xbox 360 - and he has been wanting it forever. Hehe, just like a kid. ;)
from kestra :
Awww, spending the vacation doing homework doesn't sound like fun. I know I'd probably end up wasting it away doing something less useful than homework, like playing video games, watching movies (we just got the Sliders episodes on DVD), or reading a book. But it's been a struggle staying motivated this semester, so I better not think too long about things I'd rather be doing at home.... ;-)
from greenwitch :
{{{hug}}} what a hard thing to do.... {{{hug}}}}
from sweetresent :
Sigh. You've summed up my week. LOL I'm very tightly drawn, and things are just feeling depressing and cruddy. Pthh. I feel you, sweetie. I feel you. Take care. A better day is on the horizon. (Yeah, I sound like a fortune cookie, I think it's appropriate since my name is Asia.) ;)
from lostinmylove :
Be strong. I'm thinking of you. ♥ *hugs*
from d1mndn3r0ugh :
*hugs*
from barelyspoken :
keep up the poem writing. i love poetry. the reason why i didn't move with my mom was because she really wasn't stable at the time and the court didn't think it was a good idea. (plus, i have been told that my grandfather paid off the judge so that there would be no way for us to live with her. don't know if it's true though.) my brother and i were told that she didn't want us. i hated a huge part of her because i thought it was true. i thought that if my own mother didn't want me then what good was i? but three or so years later i asked her about it and she told me no, that she fought for us, but it didn't happen. i believe her. maybe one day i'll wrkite something on her. the story of that whole ordeal i guess. you can ask anything, i'll probably always answer- i have no reason not to.
from barelyspoken :
i finally went back and read why you locked you diary up. i'm sorry i wasn't there to help. i hope i never have to experience what you have- it has to be terrible. i just wanted to comment on some of your entries because i missed out on it before. that poem to your mom was absolutely beautiful. i might even show it to my mom (if it's okay)- i liked it that much. and i understand exactly how you felt when your mom moved away. when i was ten (i'm nineteen now) my parents got divorced and my mother moved to michigan (we live in texas). when i read: " i know it's rediculous, but my mind is reacting as though she has passed away." my eyes stung. i have felt that way so many times. i still feel it in a big way, but she's there. even though now she lives 500 miles away, i can still talk to her. but yeah, when she left, my world was ripped and i had no idea how to put it back together. but i hope things are going better and now i'll try my best to read your journal more often, because maybe in some small way i can relate or help you. you've helped me. :)
from ava-reborn :
You're so right! Selling things is a nightmare! I sell quite a bit on ebay, and it's amazing how rude and demanding they can be! You're selling them something clearly second hand and at a dirt cheap price, and they still expect first class item and service!! You're right about Heather! She won't listen, as she KNOWS it all anyway! You're her mother and an old woman!!!! (In her eyes!!) and know nothing! The best way is to keep quiet and watch her make her own mistakes, as hard as that is! I'm just thinking back to when I was a teenager! And, oh, Roseanne!!! *Sigh* There's nothing that compares nowadays! It was genius!
from ava-reborn :
I hope you're feeling better soon lovely! I hope your mum is happy in her new home! xx
from ava-reborn :
Thanks lovely!! And you're so right about algebra!!! What a waste of time, brain cells and headaches!!!
from october-moon :
I'm sorry I wasn't there to help you through your pain. If only I had known. I was going through a bit myself. Again, I apologize. I feel so bad now.
from kestra :
You can't leave! You're stuck with us "Wiccans" forever and ever! I am just kidding. :-) One of the things about Wicca is that it claims to honor both the male and female, God and Goddess, but I think it really neglects a fuller understanding of the male God aspect. This is important, too, but I think the reason is that the ideas of a Father God are pretty well established by monotheistic religions already, so the female aspect, the Mother Goddess, is a more central focus, becoming more fully developed, in Wicca. Also, the problem with practicing Wicca is that it's often *Solitary*. There is no social support, aside from the Internet of course. I try to connect to other Pagans as much as possible, joining groups that occasionally meet up, but I know that it's not the *same* as if one could just go to your local church to connect to other people, becoming a part of a local community. My problem is that I've already tried hanging out with Christians, and I do NOT fit in with them. I feel like I'm posing, being someone I'm not, in a place I do not belong! That's why I know I could never do it personally, even despite theoretically considering the possibility. That is not to say that other religions do not experience any sort of divine power - I'm sure that some people do - it doesn't have to be in the same way. However, I don't think any religion, Christian or Pagan, lessens my fear of death. Even in Christianity, you have to spend your life worrying about what kind of fate you will be making for yourself after you die, and in Paganism, there are varying beliefs, but the truth is you really *don't* know for sure what will happen after you die. I keep tossing around theories, and I think reincarnation fits the best, because it explains all of the unexplained feelings of familiarity, but I'm not willing to do the final experiment to find out what the case really is. I like living much better! It's just one of those things that humans wrestle with, because there is no choice involved in it - we all must die, whether we want to do so or not - and it's tough to deal with being so utterly out of control like that, when we're used to building our lives around being in control. Anyway, you do what you need to do to meet your spiritual needs. Don't feel pressured into doing anything that doesn't feel right for you. Keep in mind that no two people are alike - and so we only try to find the labels that most align with what we're like - I don't think there is ever an EXACT fit for a particular label, though! By the way, I loved the description of the dream you gave. It put a nice, clear picture into my head, and it is a nice change of pace from the everyday.
from endthelies :
I'm glad you're open again. I'm sorry you're feeling such hurt about your mom, but I wanted to tell you that I think I would feel a lot like that if I were in your shoes. My parents are my roots, and it would be very dislodging to see them move. I agree with Greenwitch, though- it really doesn't matter what's normal, and even though I wanted to tell you that I understand your feelings, that really doesn't matter either. You need to respect your own feelings and try to take care of yourself. The people who love you will respect your feelings and try to take care of you whether they completely understand your feelings or not, and no one matters but the people who love you.
from greenwitch :
Doesn't matter if it is "normal". You are feeling grief and that is real. Having a close family member leave your day to day sphere is a HUGE change. It makes sense to mourn that. I imagine you will find ways to stay connected with your mom and you will feel a bit less alone. Hang in there!
from greenwitch :
{{{BIG HUG}}}
from ava-reborn :
Email is:- [email protected]
from ava-reborn :
Hi lovely. Please can I have the keys??! Hugs!
from endthelies :
I dedicated an entry to your question =)
from endthelies :
Send Nadia to the UUs!
from adam-selene :
hey hon! did some catching up today. love the poems!!! i really think you could publish them. all my love - abe
from greenwitch :
One of the hardest lessons is letting go. Perhaps at Samhain you can ritually burn your anger. One of my favorite rites of autumn and the turn toward the darker more introspective time of year is to hold the things that I must let go of one last time and burn a symbol of those things on Samhain. Perhaps a piece of birch bark with an inscription given to the flames. You will know what feels right. There may be healing in doing this ritual with Abe so there is an onus on both of you to really move into a new future.
from barelyspoken :
can i have the password? please? :)
from kestra :
Sheesh, maybe it's time to cast a magic spell to create motivation... ;-) Argh, I'd need a miracle to actually want to do my homework! LOL
from kestra :
Ugh! I feel exactly the same way as you do! I have been so de-motivated and down with this semester. I don't know why I am either, but I feel like I've been too overemotional lately, getting upset over things I shouldn't get upset about. I really wish I were feeling better about school this semester, too!
from grt8f84me :
Hey, mama! Knock-knock...can I come in? Please, pretty, pretty please?
from endthelies :
Sorry it's taken me so long to ask... I kind of assumed I had your email, but I guess I never got it, so I can't email you and ask. Could you possible email me the un/pw, at [email protected]? I can't wait to see the new template all these people are talking about!
from lostinmylove :
Love the new template!!! They are just extra charactors from a link (unless any of your links arent working?) Just after the last % in your template for the buddylist spot, find them and remove them. I hope your having a good day!!! ♥
from greenwitch :
Cool new look!
from october-moon :
I was going to e-mail you too but I don't have your e-mail addy! What shall I do? Do you want me to give you mine?
from kestra :
Well, I was going to e-mail you, but then I realized that I don't know what your e-mail address is. So I'll post the e-mail address I use regularly on my diary. (I don't want spammers to get ahold of it by posting it here.) Anyway, I just wanted to let you know how to get ahold of me.
from greenwitch :
Hi, are you sharing your password? [email protected], Please :-)
from lostinmylove :
Hey there.. what happened? Your all locked up!! Can I have the password, pretty please? I know I have fallen behind on everything recently... I hope nothing too serious caused the lock up. Love you girl! ([email protected])
from ingridwrites :
Well, yeah, you can't say that and then totally NOT give out the password! Geez. ;) I'm glad you got it working. Pass on the password puhlease. Thanks! (hope you are ok)
from kestra :
I am so demotivated with school, too. I'd rather be doing anything else other than calculus-based physics problems. I never realized how much I hate mathematical word problems until now, but that's all this subject is about. It makes me feel really sad that I can't get myself to do the things I need to do. :( Sometimes I wonder if I'm just looking for reasons to explain inexplicable feelings. Yeah, all this rain is annoying, to say the least! We don't have enough umbrellas. I keep thinking we should get more at the store, so that we're not trying to share them when I'm taking Bowen to school. :P
from ingridwrites :
Me too!
from october-moon :
I don't want to hear any bitching from you about sex. At least you're married and can get it whenever you want! *pouts*
from lostmystic76 :
Happy B-Day sweetie!
from kestra :
You know, everybody else does 9/11 tribute entries, and everytime I make an entry on 9/11, I don't. Geez, I worry that I'm going to look like an unfeeling bastard, but I think everybody already knows what today is, so I don't bother to mention it. (I guess I've been too preoccupied with my own little life, too.) Anyway, onto happier thoughts.... ~~ Happy Birthday!! ~~ Hey now, don't do anything stupid, like getting depressed over having another birthday! ;) Like Doctor McCoy said, "What's so damned troublesome about not having died?" :) THANK YOU BUNCHES for the support in finding out about dropping that class. It is so much better now that I did it!
from d1mndn3r0ugh :
Happy Birthday!!!!!
from grt8f84me :
Well, Happy Birthday, Sweet Mama! Hope you have a great one!!
from greenwitch :
Happy Birthday!!
from october-moon :
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SWEETS! Wishing you the best :D I hope the stripper I ordered for you arrives today ^ ^
from october-moon :
Don't ask me why. Because I won't be able to answer you, damn it! lol I get ideas in my head that come out of literally NO WHERE. When I was little, I heard my mom talking about The Exorcist with my sister and somehow I got it into my head that Linda Blair was one of our next-door neighbors. I played with this one kid in the neighborhood and I asked him if his mom was Linda Blair once.
from kestra :
I am such a baby when it comes to cold weather. That's why I prefer Spring over Fall... I think about cold weather coming in the fall, and it dampens the spirit of it for me. However, I do really like Halloween. My sister is talking about having a Halloween party for the kids, so it should be fun. Oh, I think if I could pick any shift, I'd probably pick second shift... You don't have to get up early, and you're not staying up all night... but it does kill the social life. When I worked the second shift, way back when, I loved it... I didn't have a social life to kill, so it was fine by me. ;-) Anyhow, about the campus counselor thing, I am a little confused. Do you expect that they would be able to change the terms of the scholarship, or that they would be able to switch out classes for me? I'm just not sure how any of that would be possible, since the scholarship terms are firm and the time for add/drop classes has passed. I'm just not sure that there is anything they can do... but if you have any ideas, I'm willing to listen to it. Like I've been considering if I could just get a different Calc II teacher, that would be helpful... I don't know if it's too late in the semester for that, though, because I know different teachers teach different things, even when it's the same subject.... Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I wasn't ignoring the suggestion... I was just confused. :)
from october-moon :
Why in the world did I imagine you as a blond???? Itis so weird how I get these pictures in my head of people...that aren't even close to how they really look.
from ingridwrites :
It was so gross, I was gagging when she'd walk by. Just looking at her made me itch and feel slimey. You just can't go days and days without showering - but apparently her family does. YUK!
from d1mndn3r0ugh :
What a great looking family!
from october-moon :
I'm sorry it has taken me a while to reply to your notes. I get overwhelmed by emotions and it almost like my brain shuts down or something. Plus, sometimes I feel like everything I say is completely moronic so I just keep my mouth shut. I must have the lowest self esteem in the world. You should see me in class. I have nothing to say and when I do, it just seems stupid. I don't know what to do to break myself from thinking like that. It's not only annoying for me but for everyone around me. Anyways, I'm glad you're doing well. ^ ^ You deserve it. It feels good to feel good! lol
from ingridwrites :
Um, no. Mini was Happy Bunny full of it. She bought 3 shirts and one sweat shirt. This adds to her collection or something. ;)
from kestra :
Hmmm, I wonder if I messed up my last entry. I wasn't able to get things switched around. I tried, but it turned out to be impossible. I need signatures of people that don't have phone numbers, and didn't respond to the note I left in their mailbox. That means I can't switch out classes. I'm stuck with this current Calc II teacher, then.
from barelyspoken :
wow. i wish i would have went to school where you live... not starting until september? we ususally started anywhere between 15th to the 17th of august. but lucky you, they're in school finally!
from grt8f84me :
Well, thanks...I think. That's kinda of freaky. I've never had someone tell me they had a dream of me getting killed. I mean dreams of my sexy ass, doing naughty things...yes, dreams like that, but not this kind of stuff! LOL It's so sweet that you have me in your thoughts, and your kind heart, and I'm sorry you didn't get enough sleep. So quit having those crazy dreams, Sister!!! ((hugstoyousweetie))
from d1mndn3r0ugh :
My impression of you is that you care about yourself plenty. You remind me a lot of myself. I try so hard to be strong for everyone else so I don't "have time" to be sick. I stay in a constant state of denial. I'm trying to change that, largely because I remember being confused about my mother and her illness when I was younger. I want my kids to be educated and understanding about my illness. And I want my family to stop thinking I'm just "off". *hugs* Thanks for always supporting me. It means so much!
from d1mndn3r0ugh :
I have those "you better not lose this job" conversations with M all the time. He's getting so much better. Hopefully, Abe will come around too. :)
from grt8f84me :
Hey, Mama! Just wanted to drop a line to let you know I'm still around, and reading. I tried to take your witch quiz, but it doesn't display. I think it's our network here. I'm gonna try it from home. When I was in the eighth grade I had ordered a witchcraft book (for lack of better words) from the back of a magazine. I loved that book, with spells, and how to prepare your "witch" room...all kinds of stuff. I had left in one of classrooms, and the teacher took it and would not give it back. My dad did not think it was a big deal, so he would not go to the school to get it back for me. I really liked that book. Anyways, just some funny memory of me thinking I had "witch" powers...which is why I want to take the quiz. I'll try it from home. Love ya...talk to you soon!
from greenwitch :
Without darkness we cannot recognize the light! Balance is the key.
from barelyspoken :
thank you so much for the encouragement. God knows i need it. i just need to figure stuff out. you're so right, writing does wonders and that's why i do it. thanks for hanging in there with me, you mean so much.
from october-moon :
It doesn't feel okay. I don't feel okay at all. I feel totally off and totally alone. But this is part of life. This will pass. It hasn't killed me so it must be meant to make me stronger.
from ava-reborn :
I hope the pics work out!! I know how frustrating that is!! God bless digital!!! As for Jon Benet, how creepy is that bloke!!!! It was obvious from the start (his claim) he wasn't the killer. Not one news broadcast thought he was! He's a weirdo! A freak! That's almost as scary as someone who actually DOES kill kids!!
from endthelies :
Welllll... the waist is only slightly too small. If I just start runnning more regularly it will fit fine. But the, um, bust part of teh dress is... signifigantly too small. I'm not positive it will fit no matter what I do, which is unfortunate, because I'm not sure that part of the dress can be altered to be bigger. =( That really, really sucks about your family visit. I'm sure Nadia will be ok, kids are resilliant, and she has you. I hope Abe can find a way to forgive them, like them for who they are, but still not expect too much from them. Sometimes, we just need to expect dissapointment from people because that way we won't really be dissapoined. And if they ever start to act reasonable, that'll be a really pleasant surprise.
from greenwitch :
Wow, what a craptastic series of fuck ups! I hope all is calm and peaceful this week and the new fridge gets filled with yummy stuff.
from d1mndn3r0ugh :
Woah. Sounds like you had a drama-filled weekend! Hope this week is better.
from endthelies :
Congratulations on the weight loss! That is SO awesome. And no, we haven't really made any new plans. Right now I'm just trying to get Philip and my mother into Treaty of Paris for lunch at the same time so that we can pick the final site for the reception.
from kestra :
Abe's mother sounds like a ditz... forgets to come at the time she said she would, forgets to get him a card... I'm surprised she remembers her own name! Well, as far as the "real" family thing goes, I think sometimes the family we pick (choosing to keep in contact with step-family or in-laws after divorce) is the better one than fate (by blood) has decided for us... because if we had a family not related by blood that we didn't get along with, we could just say good-bye... but your real family... well you're just stick with them, no matter how much sometimes you want to write them off!
from greenwitch :
Good luck with today. It can only get better from here!
from kestra :
It's not weak of you to take him back. Even though I never took that path, I know it must be more difficult to try to piece together a marriage after that. However, taking him back does seem like a weak punishment for the crime. Maybe just remember the times he complains about having to deal with emotional issues related to the affair, and that's the payment he's making to pay for what he did. It might have been even easier for him if you had not taken him back. But, the easiest path isn't always the right path, so don't worry if you didn't do the easiest thing... As long as it's worth it in the long run, that's all that matters.
from d1mndn3r0ugh :
Let me tell you something: it takes a STRONG woman to stay with a man after that kind of betrayal. I never, ever thought that I would stay if faced with that situation, but I did, and if it weren't for inner strength, I would never be able to survive. The only people I've ever told about what he did are the people here so I don't have the worry of "what people think". Besides, it's what YOU think that matters.
from kestra :
My classes start on Monday. Don't remind me! lol I don't want to go back to school. I want to keep being a summer slacker FOREVER! I'm just kidding. I guess there is some use in getting these classes done. ;)
from kestra :
Don't feel bad octobermoon. I have to remind myself that not everyone on Diaryland is the same age as me...lol... and I'm 27, btw. :)
from october-moon :
I'll go walking with you....if you'll carry me. ^_^ And yes, I'm very bad at judging age. I thought Sting is in his 30's. My mom was like "How was he in a band in the late '70's and '80's if he's in his 30's now?" I didn't think about it like that. I just went by his appearance.
from d1mndn3r0ugh :
Whoa! Boy have I ever said those same words!!!!
from kestra :
"Is it my problem to deal with?" Has your husband suggested that? Even if you were being completely irrational, then he still should help you through it, because marriage is about supporting each other, not just fixing problems that you think are your own, but helping the other person with their problems. However, I don't even believe that this is all on you, either. This is something you'll both have to work together to solve, and the key part here is not to turn against each other while in the process of doing so.
from october-moon :
Forgive me, I'm just in one of my pissy moods tonight. Sometimes I feel like no one in the world listens and that everything that comes out of my mouth is pointless. But fuck what everyone else thinks. I wouldn't say things if I didnt think they were important. That's all that matters ^_^
from october-moon :
I wish I could be of more assistance to you.
from lostinmylove :
Bottom line - if your uncomfortable, that should be enough for him to tell her to get off her lazy ass and get herself to work. Pulleeassee. I agree with Greenwitch, could be a crush on her part - but if that's so - he should have spotted the signs already and put her in her place by now. So... I say - tell him it's time to lose his carpool buddy. It is causing you stress - warranted or not... it is stress you could do without, and he can prevent with a simple action. I hope that helped!! I am glad I got online, your right we are moving - FINALLY!!We were painting the new place all day!! (I will post pictures soon!!) ♥
from greenwitch :
Mmmm, x-cop might not need alot of moral support...... could be she has a crush. Either way you need to talk with that boy to make sure it is her crush and not his <grin>
from greenwitch :
My first inclination is to say I have always felt very comfortable with guy friends and that it may be nothing more than a car ride and a pal to get through the new job thing. Having said that I need to consider your situation and that means you have to feel comfortable. There needs to be communication with your hubby that leaves you feeling like the car ride is just that. No communication equals something to be nervous about and that is so NOT GOOD for you and your ability to get over past hurts. Don't sit on this and don't let it get bigger than needed until you have had an honest talk with Abe. Talk sooner rather than later if you can. The circumstances are a bit odd given the seperation. Try to arrange for a good talk to get what is on your mind on the table. You may have to wait until he is back home to really go into detail and work it all out but YOU MUST GET THIS INTO THE OPEN FOR BOTH YOUR SAKES! Lack of communication is one of the biggest nasties in the world and when it happens in a marriage it can leave a permanent shadow hanging over your heads. Good luck and {{big hug}}
from d1mndn3r0ugh :
You know my opinion will probably be jaded because I share similar circumstances with you. I think that whether or not a man and woman can be friends is irrelevant in this situation. What matters most is your feelings, your relationship with your husband, and maintaining a comfort zone during your healing. If you are uncomfortable with the situation, talk to him about it. Carpooling may not be a bad idea as long as that is all that it is.
from kestra :
First of all, I think carpooling is reasonable. However, following him around all day is unreasonable. There are two possibilities here. 1) She genuinely is really insecure about her job, meaning she either needs to seek professional counseling, or she needs to find a different sort of job. 2) She's a stalker. Number 2 might sound unreasonable, but think about it this way: If a man followed you around all day, claiming he didn't feel comfortable without you, wouldn't you think he had intentions toward you? Wouldn't you say that the obsession is reminiscent of the behavior of a stalker? In regards to your question, "Can a man be -just friends- with a woman?" I'd say that yes, it is possible for a man to be -just friends- with a woman. I'd also say that the best way to fall into temptation is to first place yourself in temptation's way. Spending all day with a particularly clingy woman, I think, puts him in a position to be tempted. I know it's tough to say anything, because you know he hasn't done anything, nor given any indication that he *will* do anything, but at the same time, I can recognize what you're seeing: you're seeing the line-up for a repeat. Good for you in keeping your eyes open, and good that you are cognizant of yourself enough to question whether or not you are over-reacting. Well, fortunately there is a way out of this conundrum, because he doesn't need to do it for the same reason that you're thinkin. He could think about her interests too. She needs to learn how to act in a more professional manner, encouraging her to exhibit some sort of independence by being able to handle situations, even when he is not there to help her. Even if the reason isn't the same, the result would be the same: you wouldn't have to worry about Miss Clingy hanging onto him all day, then. Good luck!!
from october-moon :
Oh yes. I definitely think it's weird. Someone women are just plain weird for that matter. They can be too clingly without meaning to be.
from october-moon :
Eh, I'm friends with guys. I've had feelings for a couple but that's all. Eventually the feelings pass. But who cares what I say!
from adam-selene :
i miss you too baby!!
from sweetresent :
I wanna go somewhere too. =(
from sweetresent :
Awww... Thank you! A cool, sleek, new leather bag? I'm jealous. LOL School's almost over for you... lucky. I have about a year left myself. Here's to graduating!
from october-moon :
I'm excited for you! School is an exciting and scary experience. I remember when I was going back, I was like a little kid at Christmas, especially when I got my books!
from grt8f84me :
I will respond to your note via e-mail, Chickie.
from lostinmylove :
I am right there with you with Amanda. She was supposed to go to the Chiropractor w/me this morning (he is more like a friend than a DR, LOL) and she just REFUSED. Whining and making excuses... I checked her phone - she had been on it as recently as 5 AM!!! (She was supposed to be in bed by 1.) Yeah - I was ready to pull my hair out. So she is still snoozing... but will get no phone when she wakes up, thats for sure!! Hang in there!! ♥
from october-moon :
Holy shit! You've been busy! Lucky :P hehe I'm so glad you're doing well ^_^ Go Snoopy!
from endthelies :
Whoo hoo! The kids are starting school and the Academy is almost over, yeah?! You're such an awesome wife and mother, I hope you get to relax with your husband this fall.
from adam-selene :
yeah, i feel the same way babe. it will be nice when this is all over with. thanx for being there! i love you!
from october-moon :
It's awesome that she had a good 21st birthday. I spent mine at home, getting drunk. lol And I was miserable that night. Getting drunk does not agree with me!
from greenwitch :
I hope your mom is better very soon. Happy birthday to your daughter.... Me busy? What about you <LOL>
from adam-selene :
grateful for me??? i'm grateful for you. i wouldn't be where i am today without you. i love you!!
from d1mndn3r0ugh :
No, I never really thought about it! Honestly, I'm always envious of other's writing styles! I did have someone suggest to me before that I should have a sitcom ;)
from d1mndn3r0ugh :
Thank you for always being there with just the right words to say.
from d1mndn3r0ugh :
My soon to be 8 year old gives me the most grief too. There are times I want to strangle her!
from october-moon :
I so freaking wish o_O No, unfortunately my real name is Heather.
from october-moon :
I'm really sorry that you were feeling bad! I had freaking acid reflux like never before. So your daughter is 21? She's my age. I never imagined you having a daughter my age. You seem like you're my age yourself :P I am so grateful for your support. It means so much to me. I couldn't believe it when my mom acted the way she did. It hurt so badly. It is great to know that at least my friends support me. P.S. Jade isn't my real name (I'm sure you've figured that out by now) I'll give you one guess as to what my real name is *wink*
from kestra :
Oh my gosh, that sounded so scary! I'm glad to hear you're doing better now! Yes, it's ridiculous outside. I hate it when I have to run errands even for a short bit. It's hard to breathe outside... *Sigh* I wish Spring and Autumn weren't such SHORT seasons in comparison to summer and winter! I could deal with moderate temperatures all year long... what do ya say we just run away to some place with better weather?! ;) Oh, and I hate to "complain," because I realize *I'm* the loser not using IE... ;) BUT, your diary looks awfully funky from over here... the text runs outside of that blue box. I wouldn't say anything, but I think you told me to tell you when it didn't look right on my computer... I'm just trying to do what I was told! ;)
from sweetresent :
I hope you feel better. It sounds like your doctor just gave you too much at a time. A new diet and pills... it was probably too much for your body to adjust to. That is scary. Just know you have people out there wishing you well. Get better!
from d1mndn3r0ugh :
Good grief woman! 48 is dangerously low! I hope you get your sugar under control soon. *hugs*
from barelyspoken :
hey! i just wanted to say hi and hopefully i'll be writing in my journal more often than i have been lately. talk to you later.
from grt8f84me :
Hey, Lady! Just wanted to touch base with you and let you know that I'm thinking about you. ((hugs))
from ava-reborn :
Thank you lovely! You're an angel!
from lostmystic76 :
Way to go with your sugar intake and no insulin! That's awesome! Keep up the good work!
from sweetresent :
Thank you for your note! You're such a sweetheart. It was helpful, when I read it, it really made me take a breath and relax. Very sound advice, I'm definitely taking you up on it. Thank you again! *hugs*
from greenwitch :
Hey, don't beat yourself up! Take the walk, enjoy the breakfast, hug your daughter...... I know you have sooo much going on right now and it gets overwhelming so just a reminder to be gentle with yourself {{hug}}
from dangerspouse :
LOL...I happened to stumble upon your site out of sheer luck. Boredom afflicted me while at work, I hit "Members Area", and just read a few diaries that it listed as having been recently updated. I really enjoyed yours, so thought I'd say hi. Thanks for the note - hope you get a handle on that sugar!
from ava-reborn :
Sorry you're feeling crap! I know what you mean though, hitting your thirties is a reminder, whatever your life is now, is pretty much all it's likely to be!! At least when you're in your twenties you still have hope! I wish I could give you tips on relaxation, but I need them myself! I don't think it's the activity that relaxes you, it's your mindset. All the relaxation tips in the world won't mae you relax if you can't get into it in your head! And different things work for different people anyway. Most people I know suggest I sit on the sofa watching telly or reading a book when K goes to my mum's for a few hours. But that doesn't relax me at all!! I find more relaxation from walking the dog through the woods or even playing Sims on the pc!! *hugs*
from dangerspouse :
Relax? How about a suggestion you yourself gave, in your second entry here: "Last night Abe and I shared a bottle of wine on an empty stomach. Needless to say, we both got a buzz, and had some great sex before the kids came in. I love a quickie in the daytime!" Hey, couldn't hurt to try again, right? (BTW, why do you need a guest writer?)
from october-moon :
I'm so sorry you're having a shitty week! I also have a big issue with sugar. I know it's hard, love. Just stick in there. Holly and Jessica went missing back in August 2002 in Cambridgeshire England. They were found dead almost 2 weeks later. For some reason, the whole situation was overwhelming for me. From the moment I heard about it, I was wrapped up in it. I can't explain. I wish I could. I had never met the girls in my life yet I felt such grief. Like I had lost my own little girls.
from october-moon :
I'm having such a shitty week :(
from greenwitch :
Why don't you and your mom get cell phones with minutes dedicated to your morning phone call?. Why lose such a wonderful conection just because there are extra miles in between? I imagine your progressed astrological chart has some interesting stuff in it for this year with all the changes you have going on. Good luck getting the body to cooperate {hug}
from lostmystic76 :
*giggles* I like the new layout....soooo cute!
from sweetresent :
I am floating around, and simply annoyed with myself, and my lack of ability to write. I think I just got tired of being in between writer's block. It seems that's all I have this year. I start a new job soon... maybe that will spark some inspiration. Thank you for inquiring, it's nice to know someone still cares. Take care sweetie!
from ingridwrites :
OMG! I would be there everyday to watch Brett Favre sweat. Then I'd probably kiss him. -- but I don't like football. Just Mr. Favre. ;))
from d1mndn3r0ugh :
I know what you mean about the power bill. I was just thinking this morning that our air hasn't shut off in weeks. I finally broke down and turned it up. I need to sweat off some fat anyway! HEE HEE.
from endthelies :
I for one am incredibly impressed that you got yourself to go walking in the rain. And boy do I understand that "if I take a break from it, I won't be able to start again" feeling. I've also been working hard to eat better lately, and doing pretty well, but sometimes (like family dinners, or parties) I feel like I should get some kind of indulgence... but I'm afraid I won't be able to manage my reasonable indulgences and it will turn in to me pigging out for days. So, I really really love your one-anything-meal-a-week idea as a way to indulge occasionally but not let it run away with me. I think I'm going to steal that plan!
from kestra :
I love to watch lightning storms; admittedly, though, preferably from a safe location. You can usually tell how far away a lightning storm is, so as long as it wasn't too close, you were probably okay going out for a little while. I know what you mean about having to do something every day. It is so easy for me to get out of the groove of doing something too. Oh, I know going to the GYN makes me nervous too, but I've also had to get over my anxiousness about it. I have just had way too many appointments with him. Two years ago, I had moderate to severe dysplasia, and I had to have surgery done to remove it. After that, I had to have appointments for a Pap smear every 3-6 months. It was 3 months at first, then I graduated to 6 months. Since it's been 2 years now, I have graduated to needing to do it only once a year, like normal people do. :) Your mom sounds like my sister... My sister always has the coolest clothes. She is worthy of imitation. That's saying something too, because I'm usually of the mind that making independent choices is better. It's just that there's usually something that I see her pick out at the store (not always clothes, but sometimes it is), and it makes me think to myself, "Why didn't I think of getting something like that first, so that I wouldn't have to imitate it?" ;-)
from october-moon :
*sighs* This whole thing with Tiffany...There's just so much I can take now. She has such intense mood swings. As you said, she does destructive things and I've just recently gotten my life to where it's semi-"normal", after 21 years.
from october-moon :
I had plans to be up at 7 a.m. this morning to study. My plans didn't work out. x_x I always study best in the morning. I have way too much on my mind this morning to be able to concentrate. Maybe you have something on your mind???
from october-moon :
I want to go clubbing! Want to go with me?! I need to get drunk. It might take my mind off what the grade of my Math midterm might be....
from october-moon :
There you go! I posted a pic just for you. Though it's not a good one...it gives you an idea of what I look like. I sooo want a digital camera!
from barelyspoken :
i don't know what it is about you, you're just comfortable in your writings... like a mom or a best friend, i guess. i'm so sorry about the money stuff.let's just hope it gets all straightened out. i'm an extremely nervous person, too. just how do others keep themselves together over things they can't control? i'm in freak-out mode the second it hits (usually). so i'm glad you left me a note. i feel so special. and i also hope we can get to know each other better. :)
from ingridwrites :
((hugs)) money troubles suck! Especially when people are liars about money. God, I want to kick them for you! Jerks. I've never had a pedicure either, I'm glad to hear it was gooooooood! ;)
from barelyspoken :
ah. so you love fairies, too.
from october-moon :
Her mom is an alcoholic and she ran off with some man. She basically told her that she doesn't want anything to do with her or the kids.
from october-moon :
I never know when you're online! You should e-mail me sometime...well, if you want to. lol Anyways, Tiffany is doing ok. She's been upset lately because of her mom and I've been doing my best to make her feel better but of course, how do you get over your mom leaving you and your family? It hurts me so badly to see her hurting the way she does. And it hurts to know that I can't do more for her.
from d1mndn3r0ugh :
My only advice for the food issues is just don't buy any junk. It drives M crazy, but he doesn't need the stuff either! If the junkfood isn't here, then I can't eat it. Honestly, I've never had problems with food until baby K was born. I mean, I went for four years or so once and never even had a french fry! I think the stress of the past year and a half has caused me to turn to food for comfort. I'm working on replacing that with exercise. ;)
from lostmystic76 :
Oh I know all about the eating at night thing. I can do great during the day while I'm at work, but as soon as I get in the door an plop my ass down on the couch all I do is eat! That's funny about the pickles though cause that's what I've been craving lately - lol!
from lostinmylove :
I know, I know. I am still here. And I have been reading EVERYTHING, I just have not had a quiet moment where I could actually reply and make any sense. I am sorry you had such a ruff time a few days ago. And yes, I count all my internet friends and REAL friends. Getting past such an affair can be so hard. I STILL have issues with my husband, and it was 4 years ago now. It is better though, much better. I still wonder if I will ever get rid of it all. I hope so. I know I can look back and see huge improvements, so I promise you there is hope. Do you have my IM stuff if you ever want to talk? ♥
from greenwitch :
I know exactly what you mean about a bit of private time. I used to get up at 6am to read and have my tea just for the sake of being uninterupted. Good luck with the eating issues. I can't help since I just naturally don't eat a heck of alot (or I am just too darned busy-LOL)
from d1mndn3r0ugh :
God, I know what you mean! My mind wanders at the most idiotic times...like when I'm washing my face or doing laundry. Grrrrr!
from grt8f84me :
Hey, missy...I never recieved your e-mail. ((hugs))
from october-moon :
You, too, sound pretty happy! Well, at least your last entry sounded happy. hehe ^_^ You never did answer my question. Maybe you didn't see it. :P
from kestra :
Well, I go back and forth on this one. For the most part, I think Internet communications are a great thing. I have met some great people on the Internet, and to say that it counts for nothing makes me so mad, too. I have been able to talk to people who share common interests, whereas I might not have found that in the neighborhood. I have learned more from the Internet too, more than I would have if I just visited the library. But, sometimes, it seems sort of like a tease. I know there are great people out there, but they are out of my reach. I daydream about meeting people that I know on the Internet, and I know that it will probably never happen. It seems kind of like a let-down in that way too. However, if I thought it were a bad thing, I'm not self-destructive enough to just keep on doing it. No, I actually enjoy sharing and talking with you all, so that's why I do it. I think sometimes people just overanalyze, and assume that if there is a bad aspect to something, then it must be all bad... but that news reporter is suffering from a lack of information... probably only spent a few minutes researching it enough to have something to say on TV, but he didn't spend enough time to have anything of QUALITY to say. I'll try to avoid writing an essay about it, though... :)
from endthelies :
Gosh, I'm so behind on my notes. I have so much to say to you. I agree with what you said about your online friends, completely. Neighbors are neighbors, friends are friends. I also recognize that the pain you have to get past is huge, and I hope none of your friends here are undermining that. Your feelings are completely your own and completely legitimate. I'm also super happy that you're feeling happier and better about yourself via the whole healthy-eating thing. Good for you! I don't care what you look like, obviously, I'd think you were lovely no matter what- but I care a whole lot that you feel good about yourself.
from october-moon :
Yep, you do! As soon as I get a decent digital cam..Hey, do you happen to have Yahoo or MSN?
from adam-selene :
i love you baby!!!!
from october-moon :
My mummy is doing quite fine! She's been busy dealing with my nephew lately. He's 15 and he thinks he's the shit. God do I have some news for him! O_O
from greenwitch :
Well put! I don't think my online friends are any less friends than my in person friends.
from october-moon :
The people who say that have probably never even chatted online. Friends are friends...PERIOD. I don't care what source of communication is used.
from grt8f84me :
WHAT?!!! When you have a chance, if you like, e-mail me at [email protected] WHAT?!!!
from grt8f84me :
Oh, sweetie, please don't feel that you have to be careful of my feelings when you write in your diary. It's your diary, your feelings, and I just snoop around and read your thoughts. Honey, I agree that cheating is the most hurtful thing you can do to someone. I know this because there were always rumors of Hombre stepping out. I was the most faithful woman you could meet in the first 12 - 13 years of our relationship. With all the bullshit I went through with that man, I can honestly say that by the time my relationship with Mr. Man started, I just wanted Hombre out of my life. And beleive me, I had told him many many times that I did not want to be with him, that I did not love him anymore, and you know what he would say? "Yeah, right! You won't be able to find anybody else. Especially with three kids! You won't be able to make it without me. And besides, this is my house, too. You can't make me leave." And the fucker was right. The one time I called the police because we were fighting, they told me they could not make him leave his own home. I tried to say that he didn't live with me, but he told them that all his stuff was there, and they said if his belongings have been there more than a year, then it is his personal residence. Please understand that I am not trying to make excuses for what I've done. And even when I was doing what I was doing, I was ashamed. Always felt so ashamed. That's why, even to this day, when Mr. Man calls and he tempts me, tells me all the things I want to hear (whether it's sincere or not), I just cannot let myself go through with it. I saw what it did to Hombre when we were separated...he was well on his way to self-destruction. With all the drinking bullshit now that we're back together, I find myself feeling detached again, and I just want him to go away. I have told him this a few times within the last three months. All he says is, "Yeah, you would like that wouldn't you." Which to me means, "I really ain't going nowhere now." He's not leaving, no matter how miserable I am, no matter how long it is since we've had sex...he's not leaving. Just because it's something I want. He has it too good! He has someplace to sleep, eat, and drink. And he can always get so drunk that we will stay away from him, so he gets left alone to do whatever he wants. Or he can be as mean as he wants, whatever tickles his fancy at the time. It makes me sad at times, and I begin to feel sorry for myself that I'm in this stagnant relationship, and I won't let myself go down that path again to find my own selfish happiness like I did when I was with Mr. Man. I was happy when Hombre and I were separated. It was hard for our babygirl, but she was so little then, and such a daddy's girl. But now she is 12, and she can see him for what he really is, and she gets exassperated with him when he's drunk and tries to talk to her, or play with her...she just gets frustrated. I think the only way Hombere and I will ever be apart, and be able to move on is if one of us dies, or if he actually choses to leave. I will be hurt...no doubt about it, but I think I will handle it a hell of a lot better then he would. The proof is in the past. I truly hope you will be able to heal from this. I'm sorry if my entries about Mr. Man offend you. I do consider you a friend, and cherish your comments, feelings and thoughts. And thank you for leaving me the note. It was not necessary, but the gesture speaks volumes about what a kind heart you have. Love you, Sister!
from kestra :
I have seen people apologize all of the time for boring entries, and I have done it myself too. But honestly, if we were bored, we wouldn't have bothered reading another entry and sticking around, right? So all I'm saying is, there is nothing to apologize for. Well, I tried reading the diary you were referring to, and it looks like it starts after the affair was over. It's probably for the better that it's locked up now. I understand how easy it is to dwell on it, because it's such an important part of your life. I don't think reading all of the details makes it any better or worse... just different. You see, when you have no idea why your husband cheated on you, what happened to cause it, or how many times it happened... the unknown, the questions haunt you just as much too. It bugged the hell out of me that I never knew the whole story with my ex-husband. In fact, it would bother me so much that if I knew there were a diary that answered those questions, I would probably read those entries too. She'd might think it's kind of creepy having someone read her diary, but I honestly don't see how it is any worse than committing adultery. So I don't think there's anything to apologize for there, either. You said you tried forgiving her? Was it really just that you thought it would help you to move on? Or, did you wonder what she had that you didn't... and wondered if you could learn to actually like what she was, then you could be like that other person he loved too? When you love someone, you want to be everything they desire... and I think knowing he went out with someone else would make me wonder how can I fill in the places where I was lacking? These are just random thoughts I was having, so I am sorry if I am way off the mark. In regards to trusting someone in a relationship... I have just come to the conclusion that I cannot be an omniscient being that will know where he is all of the time or know when he is or is not lying to me... So all I can do is accept the idea that what I see is what I get. If I'm ever wrong about someone, I don't blame myself for it. I tried to know as much about what was going on as possible, but I cannot be expected to be aware of everything... The person who lied to me is the one responsible for me not knowing. People have convoluted ways of reasoning out that it's the victim's fault, and that pisses me off. All you can do is accept what you see, and that's all of the responsibilty that you have. That just means, when everything seems fine, it's okay to accept it like that. It doesn't mean that you have to close your eyes when you know something wrong is going on. I will admit, I trusted my ex-husband implicitly, but when my ex-husband cheated on me, I knew it long before he told me. I didn't have my eyes closed to it. I pretended to be stupid about it, because the easier he thought it was to get away with his lies, the more sloppy he became in covering up his lies... and thus, it became easier to uncover them. I figured it was the only way to get the information, because outright asking would result in more lies. With all of the lying he did years ago, both during our marriage and during our separation, I'll admit that I still don't trust him. Fortunately I'm not in a relationship with him, so I don't really *need* to trust him. I just need to be nice enough to make transitions in visitation pleasant, instead of unpleasant, and that's it. Obviously, given my past, I don't have any grandiose advice that will fix things for you, either. All I can say is that I am sorry you are still hurting about this. One thought that does occur to me is that if it bothers you this much, you must really love Abe (without that love, you would just feel detachment)... and maybe that's something that you don't think about much currently, but maybe you could ask yourself... Why do you care about him so much? Then let the love define your relationship, instead of the hurt. Well, I am just making wild stabs in the dark again, but I figured I'd try to write a note to give my thoughts in the hopes that it might help in some way...
from greenwitch :
I can't even find words....{{{hugs}}}
from october-moon :
I understand your feelings. I understand how disgusted you are. And I am truly sorry. I can't say that enough. Because I've fucked up just like she has and I'm just as bad as she is.
from october-moon :
Wow...Just..wow. I wish I knew what to say. I feel even more grimey and disgusting than I did before.
from ingridwrites :
I don't think it is any worse than reading about it. I think the mere knowing of it (however you find out) is the awful part!
from d1mndn3r0ugh :
*hugs you tight*
from ingridwrites :
Not easy feelings. Knowing the details reminds me of one of my very best lifelong friends. Her husband slept with the nanny IN THEIR HOME while my friend was at work. The nanny was also my friend's SISTER! By the time my friend found out, her sister was pregnant with her husband's baby. And she found out by walking in on them having sex. Something that had been going on for a long time. I cannot imagine what that feels like. I'm the kind of person that, well, you screw with my emotions, I'm done with you. I always admire people who can put all that behind them and move on. ((hugs))
from ingridwrites :
Then I'm going to quit drinking water! ;)
from d1mndn3r0ugh :
Wow. I have felt those same things so many times over. I really do feel your pain.
from grt8f84me :
Oh, sweetie...those words are so sorrowful! I hope you spirits are lifted soon. You know what I hate about situations like that? It's the insecurity I feel. When that trust is just not really there as it should be...and you're just unsure. It really sucks when you thinkg you have it all under control, and then something happens that brings it all rushing back, and that wave of anger comes over you. I just had that happen a few minutes ago. Read my entry...you'll see what I mean.
from ingridwrites :
To the first post today - HELL YEAH, they need to be considerate and do what they say they are going to do (call!). I am a very relaxed and go with the flow kind of person - as long as I know what flow I'm going with. If my husband says he is going to call, he better call me dammit! Or else I stay awake worrying the whole night through. Grr. To the second post today - yes, I have felt exactly that.
from kestra :
I am probably overanalyzing, so don't mind me too much, but I think it's just weird the way the same things happen at the same time. I mean, at first when it was just someone with kids going to college, I was like that's cool, but not a big deal, because it can happen in this big land of Diaryland. :) Then when you were moving, I was like, oh, that's a neat coincidence. But now, your husband is off in another state for training. That's where my husband is too. So I've had a "free" week...lol. I'll admit that I don't have the attitude as much that "I miss him so much"... It's not that I don't love him. I guess it's just that I know he will be back... and I know. I'm probably not helping, because it's a much shorter time for me than it is for you. He only has another week after this one. Ok... While my mind has been wandering on this one, another big thing is your husband cheating on you, but I don't have that experience to share... Well, my ex-husband cheated on me, but honestly that's why he's an ex... You're a stronger woman than I am for being able to forgive that and even make an attempt to move on. Don't worry, I'm not going to tell you that you should leave him, because that's what I did. I made my own decisions. You have to follow your own heart... and it does sound like he's been trying to do his best since, so maybe he's just one that is worth saving. I think the counseling is a great idea. I don't think that it will cause you to leave him. If you really, truly wanted to leave him, I think you would have done so already. However, it will help you to learn how to keep you two together... and to help you to reconcile those resentful feelings that are so tough to shake off. Well, I'm probably preaching to the choir, since I think you wrote that he already agreed to it.
from kestra :
I don't know, I think I'm just being bad... >:) BUT, when I read about Heather still acting flippant when she hasn't talked to you in a long time... err, what does have to feed off of, besides the fact that there's nothing now?... really, I just want to laugh! She is being totally ridiculous, so I think laughing at it isn't totally undeserved. I think she needs to have somebody point it out to her how ridiculous she is acting... but not that I'm electing you for it. I'm sure you'd prefer to strangle her... jk. I know you're doing the best thing by not reacting to her nonsense. Hmm, people like that, I think I should market the Doll for Drama Queens. That way when she's feeling like it, she can beat up on something that doesn't have feelings instead.
from ava-reborn :
I hope you're not melting in the heat! I love your new layout! Things here are ok thanks lovely. Just hot! I'm off to stay at Jason's on Monday for a couple of days, so that's something to look forward to! *hugs*
from endthelies :
Thank you so much! Journeying towards a wedding with me will probably be a study in how not to plan a wedding. My mom asked me yesterday what we were thinking about doing in the way of wedding announcements, to which I responded, "What on earth is a wedding announcement?" because I have never heard of them before. I don't know how they're different than invitations, to whom I would send them, or what they're suppossed to say.
from october-moon :
I get just like that too! I panic and it takes over my entire body. I am so sorry for all you're going through. It seems like everyone is having some kind of crisis right now. If you need to talk or anything, my e-mail is [email protected]
from greenwitch :
Counseling means looking at it and that is very frightening. Having said that, I would say you are on the right track and should double dare him to do the counseling because if you really have it you can let it go and it will come back ( didn't you do that part already?) {{hug}}
from lostinmylove :
Stop. Now... breathe. A real, true, deep breath. Think about how things are NOW, today, just for a moment. Worry about the past another time. I know it is hard... trust me. Just try and give yourself permission to move forward - even if it is just for a few moments. You know I am always here if you need to talk. Hang in there sweetie. ♥
from d1mndn3r0ugh :
You know, I think we all can relate to how you're feeling on one level or another. Not a day goes by that I don't think about how I was betrayed. What's different now is that when it does happen, I dismiss it quickly instead of dwelling on it. I'm not sure that I'll ever forget, but at least it does get somewhat easier to deal with. *hugs*
from october-moon :
I know this is going to sound totally cliche but I really do know what you're going through. When you get a chance, check out my last few entries. You'll understand why my week was so horrible and hopefully you won't hate me afterwards... I really hope that you'll be ok.
from october-moon :
A whole mess of shit has been going on. I've had the most miserable week.
from d1mndn3r0ugh :
You have been missed.
from kestra :
Between you, Lisa, and myself - it seems like we're all moving, doesn't it? It sounds like you have your reservations about it too, but I hope the place you're moving to turns out to be a worthwhile place to be. (I know for me, after we get through the painful transition part, it will be worth it!) Wow, 6 weeks is a long time to be gone, do you think it'll be tough with him gone for so long? I don't know if I'm wishing for the semester to start, no matter what... This may be the last time that I get a summer off in a while, so maybe that's why I'm not anxious to wish it away!
from october-moon :
I so need to talk to you. Like right now :(
from october-moon :
By the way, thank you for being so positive about my writings! I often find it rather dull. You're truly uplifting! *kiss*
from october-moon :
Honestly, I don't know why I stopped writing. I kept a written journal and I even had a Live Journal for a little while. Don't know why I stopped writing in this one. BUT, I'm back! I'll always come back to my old trusty Diaryland journal. ( ^ ^ )
from october-moon :
Aww! I love you too! I didn't know I had such a fan! ^_^ Did it work? Or does it still say I'm locked? Are you sure you're not mistaking me for someone else? LOL :P
from october-moon :
Try again, love! I still have no idea what happened. By the way, your template is awesome! I love it!
from october-moon :
Bloody hell! You need a username and password?! I wasn't aware that my diary was locked! Let me check it out.
from ingridwrites :
Yes. I'm scared of burning my nipples in the tanning bed. My good friend just did that and she's been scratching up a storm. NOT very attractive to see a 47 year old woman digging into her bra for a good scratch! ;) HAHA!
from october-moon :
Hello, love! Yes, it's been forever since I've updated. God, how times flies! Anyways, I made a semi-longish update. I'll be writing more soon. How have you been? Much love, Jade xxx
from grt8f84me :
Haven't heard from you lately, and I miss you! I didn't make you mad somehow, did I?Hope things are going OK....
from kestra :
Hey, I'm glad to hear the MIL is gone. Are you enjoying the rest of the summer off? I haven't seen you post in a while. I miss reading your updates!
from adam-selene :
thanx babe!! :)
from kestra :
Hee hee! (: I don't know if that would mean a good time for them... or, as a threat of punishment to them! *insert evil laughter*
from grt8f84me :
Yes, luv...I know what you say is true. Gah, it sucks to feel this way! Like X said...I should just enjoy my newly waxed lip! ;) Thanks for the note, sweetie!
from ingridwrites :
MILs = ugh! I get to spend the day with mine.
from endthelies :
I'm sorry, and I'm sure it's frustrating, but it's also a tad hillarious that your mother-in-law showed up uninvited on this particular day.
from kestra :
If I or my siblings ever bugged our parents about being bored, they would say, "Well, there are some things here that need cleaning... You could always clean up." It never failed, *finding* something else to do would be more appealing than cleaning. (I loved coloring books.) You can make it a clear-cut choice to them, which do you want to do: find something to entertain yourself with -or- clean? If they complain about the choice, then the default is that they want to clean. Just remind them that the only person they will have to blame is themselves for not picking a more appealing choice. :) My kids are a bit too young for cleaning, so I give them the choice: you can go to your bedroom for a time-out or nap, or you can find something to do. They have enough toys that there's always something to do. Bowen has become very good at entertaining himself, so I don't have to make the threat to him. Sometimes Aidan still gets very whiney, clingy, and demanding. I tell him that when he cries, it means that he's tired and wants me to put him down for a nap. Sometimes he acts better, sometimes I have to put him in his bedroom. Sometimes he actually does fall asleep, and whenever he doesn't, I let him back out after a few minutes. He is motivated to act happier when I tell him that is the only way he's allowed to be out in the living room with us.
from d1mndn3r0ugh :
My children hear this from me all the time: "I am not your play toy!". I don't get it, either. When I was a kid we all played outside with sticks and our imagination until our parents FORCED us to come in. Now all I hear is, "Mom, I'm bored. Can we go do something?" UGH!!! Thank God we have a pool or I'd probably have a nervous breakdown during the summer!
from ava-reborn :
Or maybe it was one swift karate chop! Hi---- YA!!! Ninja kitty!!! Wax on wax off!!
from ava-reborn :
I know!!! It's bizarre isn't it!!! It sort of looks like he's poking his head through a hole in the floor!!!! I can't believe he left such a perfect head! Maybe he got a knife from the kitchen and sliced it off!!! Gangster kitty!!!!! Congratulations to Abe on the job!!
from greenwitch :
Congratulations to Abe on getting the job!! Guest entry in the works.....slow but steady progress.
from kestra :
Geez, sorry for leaving three messages, I don't want you to feel like I'm harrassing you...LOL I just wanted to say I hear you about the "falling" wages. Technically, they're not dropping, but I was reading an economic article that said "wages are trailing inflation," and tried to present this as good news... I wish there weren't such a gap in income between the writer of the article and the reader, so that it would be written with more consideration of the audience... Even better, I wish there weren't such a gap in space, so I could have strangled him for saying that it's good news that our wages are dropping. It's good news to the capitalist who can get more employees for his buck, I guess... Maybe we're trying to compete with those cheap foreign workers... and OH! Congratulations to Abe on getting the job!
from kestra :
Geez,I would love to know where you saw it on eBay! I checked out the library, and it was too obscure for them. LOL They had some of the more recent paperbacks, though. I thought about looking on eBay, and so far I have only seen them sold singly. They sell for $0.01 and $3.50 in shipping/handling on Amazon... the cost of the book would just be in the shipping. Hey, I'm gonna try finding a lot on eBay... Can you give me a hint, like what search terms you used?
from kestra :
I know, I saw him leaning his head down, and I was thinking the same thing as you... He could drown himself doing that! So that's why I picked him up and took him out. Looking at the picture, his face wasn't even touching the water... at least yet! Geez! I would hope he'd wake up, instead of drowning, but you never know... 2 year olds are not known for their intellectual prowess...
from kestra :
Hey, look what I found? It's the listing for all of the books in the Fear Familiar series, in order. Yay! http://www.scifan.com/series/series.asp?SR_seriesid=4779 I think I might try looking for some in the library, because they were fun books. It's been a long time, so I can't remember if I'm right or not - if that was just my teenager mind. I didn't know it came out in 1990, though, because I read it when they came out (my mom was part of a mailing club, got them as they were released)... Wow, it has been a long time. I wish I could remember the name of the book with the pentacle in it, though. It would be fun to look at it, like for memory's sake... ;)
from kestra :
The fictional supernatural book that I was referring to distinguished the pentacle as pointing up (good) and the pentagram as pointing down (evil). The main character found what she believed to be a pentacle in her attic, and since it's good, she didn't worry about it. Until later, she found out she was wrong, and it was a pentagram. Evil spirit came out, oh the drama... Her boyfriend, the sherriff showed up, pulled out his sherrif's star and warded off the evil spirit with it. It is a star, the sacred symbol after all! It was really kind of a cheesy story- LOL- but despite the lack of a fantastic story, I really liked the symbol in the book. My mom got Harlequin Romance stories all of the time, so with enough of them sitting on the shelf, I ended up reading them too. (I think I was 13 or 14 at the time?) I would read the Harlequin Shadow series (the supernatural romance stories) because I thought those would be the most interesting. Actually, one of the "supernatural" stories that I really liked was Fear Familiar... I put supernatural in quotation marks, because I believe they explained Familiar's superior intelligence as resulting from a science experiment or something. Geez, I just looked up Fear Familiar on Amazon, and I just realized that there are some books in the Fear Familiar series that I haven't read... (and it seems to be listed under Harlequin Intrigue now, instead.)
from grt8f84me :
Oh, and you know what? We are getting Hombre's son this weekend. Apparently, Hombre's mother has been trying to contact BootyJuice, but she was not returning calls, or the one time she did talk with her, I guess she acted shitty. So Hombre's mother bumped into BootyJuice's mom somewhere and asked her what was going on. Bunch of lame excuses, but surprise, surprise, the next day LilHombre calls his grandma and says he wants to come over. So we will have him all weekend. I think his mom was pissed because she thought Hombre was not paying his child support on purpose back in Nov and Dec. You know...the bench warrant I helped to pay off? So...there you go! See ya, sweets!
from grt8f84me :
Yeah...stress. That's my best friend, you're talking about, Lady! But he seems to have taken a break today...and I can't say that I miss him much. Hope your garage sale is successful. AND, I hope your weekend is wonderful! I still have not been able to look at the pics you posted the other day...kick myself, ugh! See ya, luv!
from d1mndn3r0ugh :
Ugh. I know what you mean about money. I have been losing sleep over it lately.
from greenwitch :
Thanks for the reminder. I have been thinking about this on and off since you first asked. I will see what I can pull together and then I will need access to post it...... I will keep working on it..... How sweet, a deliberate kiss....
from kestra :
Thanks for the ideas on what to write, but I was actually referring to the fact that I had never done a guest entry before, and I wasn't sure if I needed a password to make a post, for example... I meant just the logistical stuff. Sorry that I wasn't clear about that... :-)
from kestra :
Thanks! I have always liked the picture of herself on her website too. :-) Okay, I am ready to make an entry, but I am a complete n00b at doing this, so could you walk me through it? Just pretend like I am an idiot... and I'm bound to get it at that level... lol
from endthelies :
I still real every single update, but I've been lazy about noting, I know. Your llast entry struck a happy, summery note with me thhough, so let me just say: Your husband is really sweet! I love Mexican food! I love fresh homegrown tomatoes! Yay for getting time to read all the great books you've been meaning to read! Yay for time to pursue projects with personal importance instead of slaving away at school work! (Whew. I think I got it all. Did I get it all?)
from ava-reborn :
Thank you so much for your ntoes lovely!!! Especially your last one!! I'm fine, really. Just having a bad time at the moment. Bad time of year for me. *hugs*
from ingridwrites :
Men! Ugh! ;) The evil ex cheated on me, IN MY OWN BED, while I was gone for a few days. His excuse? "Well, you weren't here!" As if it was ok because, you know, I wasn't there to give him some. I understand wanting to be strong for yourself and your children.
from greenwitch :
Oh, I get it. Men, we should round 'em up and lock 'em up and only let 'em out when WE need them for something. I am all for an Amazon existence - women rule cause we got the sense. Hope your weekend is a great one!
from grt8f84me :
Yes, we see him every once in a while, when his mom thinks we are deemed worthy of it. He is a very nice little boy, very handsome (he looks like Hombre's deceased brother). But Hombre never takes the initiative to make arrangements to see him...his mother and sister takes care of that. I'm grateful for that because it would bug the shit out of me if Hombre and BootyJuice chick had any kind of contact. But I think his family is getting tired of being the go between, and they are not making the arrangements anymore. So it's been since his birthday in january that we've seen him. I don't have a problem with his son...I don't want to be the reason that keeps him from knowing his father. But the Hombre drinks and stuff, it would probably be better for him not to be exposed to that. My kids love him to death, and for that I'm grateful. Girl, we need to e-mail each other so we can really "talk." ((hugs))
from grt8f84me :
Oooh, Girl. There aren't any words that I can impart that will make that feeling go away. I totally understand about feeling that awful anger when you think about the affair. It's hard to get past, I know. I had always suspected of Hombre cheating before we separated...rumors and what not, but he always denied it, and I never caught him at it. But when we were separated (and yes, I was "seeing" other men), and he got this chickie pregnant...I felt so betrayed. I know in my head that I had no right to feel that way, but still...that was a connection that I always beleived that only he and I would share. If I allow myself to think about it, it pisses me off to the point where I want to back hand his ass. This is so totally hypocritical, I know, given the Mr. Man factor. But what can be more intimate than sharing a child? Sending tons of hugs to you, Missy! Have a wonderful holiday!
from greenwitch :
Hey, cheer up. What happened that you are yelling at us folks out here in cyberspace? Some nasty lurker or something..... Hope the holiday weekend finds you having much fun.
from greenwitch :
Biofeedback is the blanket tech name for paying attention to your body's signals and reacting properly. Google the term and you will probably find oodles of info on the subject. My mom was diagnosed diabetic late in life and actually should not have survived a blood sugar of 1100 (!!). I know others who are diabetic and the belly deposits seem to be normal. Maybe it is a survival thing for the body. I mean the body must be terrible confused when sugar/carbs is no longer a friendly substance that can be easily metabolized. Have you talked with a nutritionist? Maybe that would be a good start and see if your doc knows about biofeedback and can suggest an ancillary provider that would be able to work with you on reading your own body signals. Mmm, maybe turn off the tube so the unrealistic goals are no longer right in your living room..... geeze, is it EVER easy to be female {{big girly hugs}}
from greenwitch :
Wow, a doctor told you a diet that causes ketosis is good for a diabetic? I find that interesting. My mother was diabetic and ketosis is the last thing one wants to have happen. Have you tried biofeedback, meditation, focus on a particular mantra when the eating/comfort kicks in? I know too many women who beat themselves up over this and I just get crazy over it. {{hug}}
from kestra :
I thought you would agree that he was complaining over nothing... lol We usually have sex every day, and I think that is above and beyond what most people do, but that is how often he wants, though. On the rare occasion that we don't have sex one day, he's complaining about it. He tries to guilt trip me into it, which is what he was doing that night. Give me a break! He says he would prefer to have sex more than once a day, but he was just settling for that. LOL Not that this has happened recently, but it's so ridiculous that it's impossible to forget when it does... If two days of no sex have gone by, it's the end of the world! He throws a complete fit about how I act like we're not even married... I swear, when he tries to make me feel bad about sex, it doesn't make me want to have sex with him... It makes me want to run off and become a nun, instead!! :-P
from ingridwrites :
In so many ways, you said exactly how I feel.
from grt8f84me :
Gotta ask...did you mean to write "relationshit" in the note you left me? Cause if you didn't, that's one hell of a freudian slip! HAHAHAHAAAAA! That's funny...also very appropriate to me...((luv))
from lostinmylove :
Hey there... I did not mean to worry you! So sorry!! I am just a bit, well "scrambled" these days for lack of a better word. I just added in 2 entries though.. hopefully I will be back to 'normal' within a few days. ♥
from grt8f84me :
That's funny...baseball hats! I still have not had a chance to look at your pics, and now I'm dying to see....That's the last way I'd have pictured you...baseball hats. You're silly! Thanks for the giggle!
from kestra :
I think Wikipedia has a good article on Satanism. (I've read only the first couple of paragraphs, though, because it's a long article.) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Satanism Personally, I've associated Satanism more with the "Left-Hand path" of a magickal path. Specifically, the left hand path regards the Self and the Material world as more important than the Universe and the Spiritual world. I don't disagree with everything in it, because I believe whether we choose to use right or left primarily, we all have two hands that we're capable and quite possibly use every now and then! Personally, no matter what I believed, I would shy away from terms like "Satanist" or "Witch," because it does nothing to convey what you believe to most people. All it does is give people misconceptions, possibly giving reason to dislike a person even when they shouldn't. However, I'm willing to do that, because I'm not too attached to any particular word. Some people believe that a word has its own spirit that should not be violated, and so they would never choose to drop or adopt another word to reflect what it means to other people. I am not one of those people, though. I believe that words try to convey thoughts, thoughts that originate without words, and so I more greatly value the original thoughts. Whatever word best conveys them is a way of respecting those thoughts while in the presence of others.
from kestra :
Wow, you have an impressive crystal ball collection, and that purple one just glows! (Have I ever mentioned that 'purple' is my favorite color?) I don't have a wand, but I really like it, and I was wondering, have you ever directed any energy with it for a ritual? Oh, I have been sitting here trying to figure out the "witches" picture means, too. Why is there a break in the line that the women formed? (Just to show you how creative and far-fatched I am with these things, my first thought was that she must be reaching into a mirror dimension! LOL) My last question is, how did you convince Abe to let you take a picture of him wearing a hat with a flower on it, or did you surprise him with it? :-) Hey, after looking at pictures of your clean, pristine, beautiful house, now I'm looking at mine - and thinking, geez, I'd never take pictures of THAT! Well, maybe after classes are over, I'll dedicate some time to pulling this place back together into a semblance of a place where people live, instead of wild boars. ;-) Thanks for sharing the pictures! :-)
from grt8f84me :
AWWW, man...the pictures are blocked here at work!!! I'm gonna have to wait till I get home. Hope you had a great mother's day, Missy. Miss ya... Promise to update soon. Tell Abe I said, "what up?" smooches.....to you...not Abe! Sorry bout that!
from d1mndn3r0ugh :
Love the pictures. Your art is spectacular.
from greenwitch :
Great pics. I love the gold hat!
from d1mndn3r0ugh :
Happy Mother's Day! Hope you had a good one. *hug*
from adam-selene :
geez...can't a guy just be in a bad mood? ok ok, i'll try to "communicate". that whole mars vs. venus thing just makes it hard sometimes. ;) anyway... happy mothers day, my love. i hope it is as good as you want it to be, and i'll do my best to make sure it is. the past is dead and gone, and today (to paraphrase) is a gift, that's why it's called the "present". i love you!!!
from sandandfog :
Happy Mother's Day to you!
from ava-reborn :
Sorry about your uncle. That's really sad. I hope hubby pulls out of his mood soon!! It's not Mothers' Day here (ours is in March) but happy Mothers Day to you!! *hugs*
from greenwitch :
Happy mother's day to you too!!! Are you going to post a picture of the crystal ball? huh, huh, I wanna see!
from kestra :
Hey, didn't you mention that you got a Charmed BOS? I just happened to see one, and it had a triquetra on it. Is that what yours looks like? I'm just curious. Re: the guest entry, I would love to, but my classes end in a week, so I'm probably going to wait to do it then! I hope you don't mind. :-)
from greenwitch :
Wow, I'm honored to be asked to do a guest entry....... give me time to think and ruminate and see what I can come up with...... I love a challenge which is most likely why I am always so busy.... if you don't hear back from me soon please give me a reminder
from endthelies :
Sometimes I don't think men can hear the words that come out of their mouths. Ugh. But hey, you got through it! You're a good wife and mother, you'll be able to handle the career thing, the puppy will grow up eventually, and hopefully, so will all the kids. =)
from sandandfog :
Thank you for your note. It helps to be able to come write about but i sure wish i didn't have to. I just miss her so much and feel like I did her wrong by taking her in...thanks again.
from kestra :
Was it the first time that you watched the movie? I never saw it before, but my husband said he had seen it many years ago. I have watched foreign films before, so I guess I was expecting the first half of the movie. I thought that it was like two different movies two, but the first half of the movie was to show what happiness was like. It's to prevent you from being densensitized and saying, "They're always unhappy anyway, so what does it matter?" I agree with you... I was really shocked when he got shot. All of that crazy stuff he did, and he made it through, miraculously, but when it seemed like he was at the end of the tunnel... that's when he gets shot, and it really seemed unfair... but I guess that's the realities of the situation he was in... so easy to get killed, and a miracle to come out alive and in this boy's case, with his mental health intact. You know what's funny is that I still have to write the paper for this movie... talking about it has helped, though! Thanks! :-)
from d1mndn3r0ugh :
Happy weekends are wonderful!
from sweetresent :
Aww. Thank you for inquiring. I just hadn't been at all inspired lately. Every time I came to write I drew a blank! It was frustrating... so I just took a brief hiatus. I'm sorry about that. Even my latest entry wasn't my best, it was just something I needed to push out in order to maybe get the juices flowing again. I love the new layout! By now it's probably been there for a bit, but still. It's gorgeous. Thank you again! I'll be back. Take care. ;)
from kestra :
It's kind of boring to only read or watch non-fiction. I love fiction! So what if it's not real or portraying reality correctly; if it did, wouldn't that make it non-fiction? I love "supernatural" stories too... time travel is my favorite... Yes, traveling backwards in time does not portray correctly the passage of time, which actually moves forward. :) I don't think that the human imagination is something that should be spurned for being "unrealistic" at times... I think it should be enjoyed. As long as you know the difference between reality and fiction, sometimes I wonder why people ever complain about fiction? Ooh, because some people might not be able to tell the difference... I would be really concerned about those people and what other 'beliefs' they might be holding then... lol I wanted to mention about the handfasting thing... I know it's going to take a while (no set time, obviously) to feel comfortable in the marriage again... Whenever that happens, and I'm assuming that it will happen eventually... perhaps that is when it's an occasion worth celebrating. :) Also, I think it's great that he takes such an interest in helping you with the things that interest you. That's something positive toward the marriage at least... After all, if you didn't share interests at all, you would grow apart. So I think that his interest and effort does help, and that's why I would hold out hope to getting to where you feel better about him, instead of still feeling mad about what happened in the past... (That's not to say that I don't understand the anger, but I know it's not fun to hang onto it either.) Anyway, I guess I'm kind of rambling and can't think of anything brilliant to say... I just want to go to bed now. ;)
from d1mndn3r0ugh :
Pssh! I'm the anti-depressant Queen. BUT, I've been off of them since I got pregnant, almost two years ago. I'd say it's time for me to get back on them.
from d1mndn3r0ugh :
I hope Amber is okay. I went that route, too and only have one ovary to prove it! ;) I also have three beautiful kids so tell her to hang in there!
from grt8f84me :
Hah...I can totally relate. Hombre starts talking like Scarface. "Tell'er I luv her!" And of course, when he's being nasty, "Say 'Hello' to my lil' friend." Non-stop...and each time he cracks up like it the first time he's said that shit! It's funny afterwards, but while he's doing it, I just want to stuff a stinky ole sock in his mouth! HAHAHAHA!
from kestra :
Are you going to take a picture of the crystal ball for us? I would love to see it. Even though it got downgraded in size, I'm sure it will be cool. :-) Yes, they are expensive. I got one for my husband on eBay that was 5.5 inches in diameter, or I think that converts to about 140mm. That was the biggest that I could afford, and I thought I was doing pretty good, too... However, maybe it was just so expensive because I was looking at rose quartz spheres in particular. Perhaps a clear crystal ball would be less expensive for its size... Hmmm, I just checked it out on eBay, and it looks like the clear ones are an average of $150 for a 200mm, so that is somewhat cheaper than the rose quartz spheres. It figures that my husband would have liked the more expensive one. :-)
from endthelies :
Thanks! And I ended up finding my phone, which was a relief. Also, I meant to answer your question about his job sooner... I just got sort of derailed by that whole fight we had. He's in the military, and he does communication stuff right now. He applied for a position that would put him on the traveling team that works for the white house, setting up stuff for speeches and appearences in all the places over seas that the president would have to go. It would be a lot more challenging, and let him see interesting places, and really boost his resume. But it would also take him away from me a fair amount of time.
from kestra :
I think it's going to be a desperate mad rush to get everything done until the semester is over. I'm not taking any classes in the summer either. Normally I do, even though I have to pay out of pocket, but I really just need a break after this insanity that passes for a semester! 99% of my time has gone to taking care of kids or college work, and I really want to have some time to do things that I want to do, like update my diary once in a while! :-)
from grt8f84me :
Hey, sweetie...How are you doing? Hope you're feeling better. That's is a good way to put it, jello-jiggly...See it wiggle, see it jiggle, cool and ((something))jello brand gelatin...la lala lala lala....
from ava-reborn :
Get well soon lovely! *hugs*
from d1mndn3r0ugh :
Hope you feel better soon!
from grt8f84me :
I wanna know what you're selling!!! Is it something I may be intrested in? Hope you feel better, luv! Take care!
from ava-reborn :
Thanks lovely!
from greenwitch :
Feel better!
from lostinmylove :
Sometimes our lives parallel so much it is freaky. I am putting some things on ebay too... I can't wait to really get going with it! Any tricks or secrets you can share? I hope you have a great weekend!
from d1mndn3r0ugh :
Thank you for all the sweet notes you have been leaving me. They really do make a difference.
from greenwitch :
Nadia is so beautiful!
from d1mndn3r0ugh :
She is beautiful! I love that dress!
from greenwitch :
Cars are great until they break. Hope it is all better soon...... Perhaps some jelly beans or a beer would help........
from kestra :
Oh, I forgot to answer your question! Sorry about that.... A handfasting, in our case, was a legal wedding ceremony. The reason for the different name is just to indicate that it is not a Christian wedding done in a church nor a secular wedding done in a court house - it is a Pagan ceremony. We had our handfasting at CedarLight Grove (www.cedarlightgrove.org) and we still filled out the paperwork with the State to make it legal. However, a handfasting can be done without the legal paperwork involved, and then all it involves is performing the ceremony. This is much like any other Pagan ceremony can be performed without doing paperwork with the State. :-) Well, it is a little bit different than just celebrating any holiday, because it is not done every year. Thus, more planning is involved for the sake of attendees to handfastings, and frequently family members that are not Pagan are invited (as long as they're not hardcore Christians that would be highly offended). It's considered an important family event, so that's why family that wouldn't normally come to a Pagan celebration are invited. There are usually two reasons that people do handfasting ceremonies that are not performed for the sake of a legal marriages. For one, it can be done as a form of betrothal for a year and a day. The other reason is that some people may use the handfasting ceremony as a way of renewing their vows. (Since you and Abe are just learning about Paganism, and are already married, this form of renewing vows might be of interest in the future.) Anyway, I'm sure there is tons more information about handfastings on the Internet. If you have any specific questions, though, please feel free to ask.
from d1mndn3r0ugh :
Ugh. Car repairs suck! *hug*
from kestra :
{{{{Hugs}}}} Sounds like you need it!!
from grt8f84me :
Hey, Missy! Just wanted to drop a note and wish you and the familia a very Happy Easter! Tell yo man, I said Hola! Hope you get the car going...it's always something, right?
from greenwitch :
I hope you got the car figured out and are happily dying eggs by now. BTW, your welcome :)
from ava-reborn :
Thank you sweetie!! I've decided to just take it day by day, for as long as I'm happy.
from greenwitch :
Here are a couple of links to help you understan Waldorf Schools. They are private schools that teach based on the theories of Rudolf Steiner who was a philosopher among other things in the early twentieth century. He developed biodynamic farming also. There have been many critics of Waldorf education because some think Steiner was, as an occultist, evil or at least depraved. One link is the official site for Waldorf education and the other a private site. If you want to read the critics point of view just google Waldorf education. http://www.awsna.org/education-intro.html http://www.waldorfanswers.org/WaldorfComments.htm
from adam-selene :
That's not much different of an attitude than Osama's!
from greenwitch :
My daughter goes to a Waldorf school so there tends to be a bit of a pagan element at work already (seasonal festivals, nature tables). There are all sorts that go to the school christians included but certainly not closed minded. One of the basic tenents of Waldorf education is acknowlegment of the child's spirit without religious affiliation. So, we have been lucky and haven't run into a situation like you have.
from d1mndn3r0ugh :
I don't follow any particular religion. I consider myself a very spiritual person and probably follow a little bit of many religions. One of the reasons I left a Christian church was because of the hypocrisy. If that little girl's mother really READ the christian bible, she would know that she should allow her child to play with your daughter. God/Jesus didn't discriminate!
from greenwitch :
Good response to your daughter's first encounter with bigotry. She is too young to go too deeply into the whole issue yet she needs to know there is nothing wrong with her being "different". I would have responded in the same way...."Wicca is one of MANY religeons. Everyone has the right to choose as they wish". That's it in a nutshell. If she should ask more questions about the whole issue perhaps bring up some other lesser known religions like buddhism, sufi, hindu, native american. All just as valid as judeo-christian traditions as is wicca. Grrrr, christians are not the most open minded and tolerant sorts and they just don't see the hypocrisy of their behaviour.
from d1mndn3r0ugh :
Any friend of lostinmylove is a friend of mine ;) I look forward to reading your entries. Thanks for adding me!
from kestra :
I want to agree with everything Ava said, because you are worthwhile in so many ways and the problems you have are not your fault. The health problems you are having are truly unfortunate, and yes, it does suck that you have to go through all of that nonsense to keep yourself covered for it. But it is NOT your fault, and you're doing everything you can about it. It's good that you take an interest in taking care of yourself, because you're no good to anybody if you let your health get wrecked... The money isn't worth losing that. I do sympathize with how you feel about being worthless because of not bringing any money in. I have occasionally gone through that too. As you mentioned, nothing seems to make up for it - you can be busy as hell, doing everything you can, cleaning up, cooking, taking care of kids, and overloaded with schoolwork - nothing makes up for it except bringing money in. But all I can tell you and everyone else - have patience. And not a little bit of patience, but a lot of patience, because school takes a long time to get through. (Meanwhile I'll have to take my own advice, because I am of the mindset that I want to hurry up and finish too... *sigh*) But if I disappeared tomorrow, I know I would not be missed for the lack of money I brought in, but I would be missed in many other ways... and I think your family, especially but not exclusively your husband and your younger children, will miss you tremendously too. Even I would miss you too, which is another thing I agree with Ava about, because you always leave wonderful notes... Even when it's a short comment, it brings a smile to my face. :) Thank you for taking the time to do that!
from ava-reborn :
I'm glad it made you feel a little happier! No, I don't go out to work because I home-educate K.
from ava-reborn :
Sweetheart!!!! You're in school so you can get a better paid job in the future when you're qualified! You're more than doing "your bit"!!! You can't blame yourself for your medical issues!! They're not your fault!!! Would you criticise my Jason for his health issues??!! Or anyone else??!! No!! You do an amazing job as a mother. Look how wonderful your kids are!!! Not everyone can say that!! I know loads of mothers! Few of them do a particularly good job!! Even fewer do a good job as a wife as well! You do!!! Your relationship with Abe is testament to that!! You only have to see out of control unhappy kids to see where a woman isn't doing a good job as a mother! It's such an underestimated career! But it takes a special person to do it well! And you easily see where someone's doing it badly!! You should be incredibly proud of yourself for being such a wonderful mother!! And wife!! Your health is just terrible luck. NOT your fault! And if that wasn't enough, you've been an incredible support to me with your friendly notes recently, just when I most needed them!! The world truly is a better place with you in it, for so many people! I wish I could do or say something to make you feel happier. But I know that spiral that sucks you down to the depths of depression. Nothing anyone says helps! If you need anyone to talk to, just email me! If it weren't for my medication I'd be still sliding down that spiral! I do understand what you're going through lovely!! *hugs*
from ava-reborn :
You're sweet. Thank you! I'm considering removing that entry!! It was horrendously self-pitying!!
from ava-reborn :
Brokeback Mountain is a great film isn't it? I really enjoyed it. Made me blub at the end!! Enjoy!
from avalonte :
Thank you so much lovely! It's people like you who get me through! *hugs*
from grt8f84me :
Hey, girl! I just found out who you're hubby is. I guess I couldn't have figured it out from all the mushy, gushy love notes you've left him! That is so cute, and so very lovely! Yeah, I'm a little slow, but I'm caught up...for now! Have a good one, chickie!
from grt8f84me :
You are amazing...Thank you for your wonderful support and uplifting words...and for sticking up for me ((grins)).
from ava-reborn :
Thanks lovely. Isn't that grin cute!! The wonder of bubbles when you're a child eh!!
from endthelies :
Hehe, aw. You're not old. But my mom bought CareBears for me, too. They were like the highlight of my childhood.
from grt8f84me :
You make me smile. :) I have not been reading any diaries lately, but sounds like things are kinda sickly in your home, too. I hope everyone feels better...
from greenwitch :
You are very lucky to have such honesty given to you by your husband.
from endthelies :
ACK, I HATE strep. I'm so sorry about Nadia. My thoughts are with her. And also? That book of shadows sounds like a fantastic idea. I love the feelings that things are archival. I've always doen scrapbooking, and even when I was little I loved thinking about how my kids would have those books someday, and then my grandkids... your kids are definately lucky to have you!
from endthelies :
I don't know if I've ever told you, but my dad is diabetic. It's kind of a problem for him, but he has an amazing amount of control. It's type 2. Just about everyone on his side of the family has it, and it makes me nervous to think I'll end up with it. But not too nervous. It would be a lot scarier if I didn't have my dad, who is so inspiring. Anyway, the point is, I feel for you. But as long as you take care of yourself, you're taking care of your family too, because you are a model for them. Love you!
from greenwitch :
The movie would be an odd find for rent unfortunately (it is an independent film with a capital I). I am not sure if something like netflix would have it. I have seen it available through some smaller catalogs and, surprisingly at Amazon.... http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/158350026X/002-4790698-9839207?v=glance&n=404272. You might be able to get a copy at a local college that has a women's studies program also. If I owned a copy I would send it off to you to watch but I have seen it at women's gatherings and festivals but have never bought a copy. Happy saturday, brave sleepover mom.
from greenwitch :
Glad you found the books and are having fun :D How old are the girls? Girls are such fun but most kids are not worth being around from 8 1/2 to 9 1/2. Not unless you have some fine tranquelizing agents available (for you or the kid, he, he)
from ava-reborn :
Little boys are so much easier than little girls!! It's only when they get to teenage they swap places in the 'difficult' stakes!!!! As for probation officers having guns, that shocks the hell out of me!! But that's probably because I'm English! We don't have armed officers of any sort!! I also used to know several probation officers. One in particular. She was the probation officer of my boyfriend at the time, who was in and out of prison! If you ever need an interviewee for any of your essays and reports, I'm your girl!!!! xxx
from greenwitch :
Keep venting. We are out here and hear you. Isn't that what this on line diary thing is all about?
from grt8f84me :
It must be something in the air, or something! What is going on with the universe...? Daughters...you got to love 'em, right? Do we? Sometimes the stress is almost overwhelming. I'll be thinking about you...say a wiccan prayer (or it's equivalent) for me, will ya? *hugs*
from lostmystic76 :
I completely agree with greenwitch. Don't beat yourself up over something you have no control over. Some kids just go through this stage. All you can do is sit back and hope they make they right decisions. She's old enough to know better and to be able to start taking care of herself, and I think you've done one of the best things by being a good role model and parent. Hang in there ((hugs))
from greenwitch :
You made the right decision to stop contact with you daughter at this point. She is no longer a child but clearly has some more growing up to do. That growing up has to happen through her at this point not you. You have made a tremendous effort and done all you can. Like the old saying goes "let go of the thing you love and if it is truely love it will return" (not a direct verbatim quote there). Take care of you so you can take care of the children who need you the most right now. Do something special this weekend that will heal you and give you some positive time with your family {hug}
from sandandfog :
aww hon, I'm really so sorry that your daughter is treating you like this. She will probably not see until she is older, the mistakes she is making. i wish you peace and hope she sees the light soon..
from kestra :
I'm sorry your daughter is having so many problems, but she is an adult and the problems are her own now. I hope she comes around and realizes that you would have been a good influence on her life, if she had allowed it. Want a cheesy movie reference? Well, pointless to ask, because you can't answer, so now you'll just be subjected to it. ;-) Anyway, in Star Wars, Anakin always listened to the Emperor, because he never judged Anakin, never asked anything of him, and always complimented him. That's how the bad guy won over the good guy. Sounds like that with the X. It's painful to watch, because you want to scream at the screen, "Anakin, stop being so self-centered and open your eyes - see that he's the bad guy and he's manipulating you!" Oh well, too bad people on the movie screen can't hear you. It definitely has to be a lot worse when it's REAL LIFE *and* you can TALK to the person and they STILL won't listen to you. That's terrible! All I can say is try to console yourself with the fact that you've tried to do the best that you can with what you had... and I always try to hold out hope for the future, as well, but I hope it doesn't sound too naive to say that.
from greenwitch :
Aw, honey {hug} check out the counseling it is a great reality check. We are at our least objective about ourelves and the feedback from a neutral person is a great way to find the ability to give ourselves a break. I tried it and it helped. I was carrying the weight of my elderly parents, my daughter and a really f'ed up husband. It gave me the ability to see that it wasn't all mine to manage nor was it all my fault.
from endthelies :
That sounds awful, I'm so sorry. But I think counseling is a great idea. I hope it helps.
from grt8f84me :
Hey, there, Mama! I find it hard to remove some folks from my buddylist, and also, lately, I have been having trouble just writing anything in my diary without wondering what people will think when they read it! I, too, am like you and try to keep my buddylist for those that seem to write from the heart. Now don't get me wrong...there are a couple of diaries I have read just for the "naughty" factor. LOL But all in all, I feel much the same as you do. Take care sweetie!
from endthelies :
un is friend, pw is sunflower. That was a really heartbreaking entry. I'm sorry your ex is such an ass. But you are justified in everything you said, and I'm sure that later on you'll be able to let go of the hate a lot more. Right now, you're still seeing and suffering from direct effects of his bad actions. I really believe things with your kids will eventually stabalize. They'll get even older and more mature, they'll see what's going on, and they'll stop letting themselves be hurt. And when your kids aren't being so hurt, you'll be able to let go. So just cut yourself some slack, ok? *hugs* And I'm here for you.
from lostmystic76 :
Yeah, that "special safe family time" is such an important thing to give our kids now a days. Sounds like you guys had a nice time ((hugs))
from gothique :
MM!! I was checking out Melody's diary and happened upon yours - it's beautiful!! I could also relate to a lot of your 101. I don't use Diaryland any more (I'm waiting for Diary-X to come back as Codexed), but I have a journal here: http://paganlotus.blogspot.com, and you're always welcome to drop by. I hope you don't mind me haunting yours - 'cause now I'm hooked. :o)
from kestra :
Good article, and I agree with it wholeheartedly. In fact, I saw the name Kestra attached to it, and I was pretty sure that I was reading something that I wrote. I've written about the "Christian Wiccan" concept on one of my Yahoo groups, and I asserted the same thing... As much as I would like to say, "Yeah, that's mine!" I just knew I didn't write that one... unless there was one night that I got drunk, wrote a really coherent essay in such a state, then forgot about it the next morning... but that seems doubtful because alcohol + writing does not = coherent essay. lol Well, I'm guessing that this is my Virginian counterpart on WitchVox. It's always weird & a little fun to find another Kestra out there. :) I remember one time on IRC, a girl from Australia would use the name Kestra while logged on, and we were always confusing people... She would get messages intended for me when she logged on, and I would get messages meant for her when I logged on.... That was many years ago, though... Ahhh... memories! :)
from greenwitch :
Christian Wicca, now I have heard it all. That is a the newest oxymoron on my long list. Good piece though. It never ceases to amaze me that folks try to dance the same old dance but call it something new. There is a great risk and potentially great joy in the adventure of self reflection required to follow a Wiccan path.
from kestra :
Well, I'm sure the norm is to pick a patron god or goddess, but I've never claimed normalcy in any regard. :-) To be honest with you, I am just fine with referring to elemental forces, or "the nature spirits," or any other fairly basic name. When you refer to names of gods and goddesses (i.e., a pantheon) it refers to the stories that PEOPLE have made up. From an anthropological and literary standpoint, it's very interesting... but I don't feel like I NEED it. If I were so inclined, I could let the fancy strike me (or the Muses, lol) and make up my own stories. Read what you will, like what you want... but don't feel like you HAVE TO do something that doesn't appeal to you. After all, even in the Pagan community, or maybe it's especially so since it's not mainstream, we're very much individual-minded. I think that's why it's so hard to form cohesive groups, because the religion is really ideally suited for Solitary seekers. Keep in mind, though, when I say that, it doesn't mean that I haven't sought out groups and other people for purely - or mostly - social reasons. It's nice when you can talk about something like this, and have somebody who actually understands what you mean. :-)
from adam-selene :
hi sexy!
from greenwitch :
That was a kinda fun quizzy thing and a fine way to get to know a new buddy :0)
from grt8f84me :
Girl...you are not wrong for expecting a grown child to pay her way...even if it is paying Mom! I told my son the same thing, "If you're not going to school, and you want to live here, then you have to get a job and help pay for the internet, the water you use to wash your clothes, pay the extra on the car insurance. Do something!" Don't you know that kid still hasn't found a job? It's exasperating... Stand your ground, Lady! I support ya!
from kestra :
Well, I would think that if you asked for so much money that it prevented her from reaching her goal, it might be a valid complaint, because then you would have been responsible for holding her back from getting on her financial feet. However, she was able to reach her goal, and what you asked for seemed to be more of a symbolic amount than a substantial one. Sure, she's your daughter, and you're there to help her, and you did help her because you charged her much less than she would pay anywhere else and she had the flexibility of coming and going as she wished, without the need to worry about signing or breaking a lease. It wasn't enough? Well, she should feel good about herself, not having to feel like that she went through life without paying her way. The feeling of being a responsible adult should be a good one, and not something that is looked upon as a regrettable circumstance. Think about this, though, you must be a nice person, since she was okay with living at home... not that she had to, but because she made the choice to do so, so that she could afford a new car. There are some people out there who you wouldn't want to live with, even if you were paid for it, much less just simply saving money. About your husband, that does sound frustrating. I had a similar issue with my husband. I was struggling to keep up with my classes when I had 12 credits, and I told him that it would be too much, but he really wanted me to sign up for 15 credits this semester. It sounded impossible to me. I told him that I would have to be committed to a mental institution by the time the semeseter is over... and that was before I even got to the level of frustration that I'm at now. He said it would be different this time around, because he could give me time to do my homework... He's not taking any classes this semester, so he should have more time to help me... but just like every other semester where he promised to give me some time to do the homework, I am still left trying to do it all at night after the kids go to bed. It's so frustrating to be told that it's going to be different this time... and then it's the same thing all over. Even though it's not exactly the same, I can definitely sympathize with your situation.
from grt8f84me :
You know...You are THE sweetest person. You always manage to make my day! {{hugs}}
from endthelies :
That was a GREAT 101 things!
from greenwitch :
Sure stop in for a spell. I love to read new diaries so I'll be popping in over here too ;0)
from endthelies :
Good luck with your family!
from endthelies :
Hehe, I don't know. I was just fantasizing about engagement rings. Philip and I have talked about it, and what he wants is one that has each of our birthstones in it. Neither of us is a huge diamond fan, so I totally latched onto his idea. I love it. It's symbolic.
from ava-reborn :
Thanks lovely!
from lostinmylove :
Those are gorgeous! My favorites are by Nene Thomas, I have several of her statues, like "A Chance Encounter" and "Always" - and I keep meaning to email you, I just have a lot going on right now. Things will calm down when I get back from Virginia on the 5th. I hope you have a great week!!!
from lostinmylove :
Hey there, sorry it took me so long to get back to you! I was actually raised semi lutheran. We lived with my Grandmother a lot of the time when I was growing up, and she did her best to "raise me right" - which at the time was good for me, it got me asking questions. Later I branched off and started going to a friend's Southern Baptist Church, where I officially came to my choice to abandon "organized religion" - all during this time my mother was keeping me aware of all my options, but it was not until a couple of years ago I really dove headfirst into being a practicing Wiccan. I am very happy I have though. As for my munchkins... they will get raised with a knowledge of all the world's religions, unbaptized, and will be able to make their own choice when they are older. This got so long! LOL Sorry!! You know, you can always email me too!! Keep in touch! ♥
from lostmystic76 :
Ugh! Poor thing!!! ((hugs)) I hope you feel better soon. Get lots of rest.
from ava-reborn :
Hope you're feeling better soon!! *hugs*
from endthelies :
Ughh. I'm sorry. Feel better!
from adam-selene :
hey hon! thanx for the valentines note...that i just got. i love you too!!!
from lostinmylove :
The Circle Round is a great book, as is almost anything by Starhawk. I also am a HUGE fan of Pyllis Curott, I really push her book "Book of Shadows" on everyone! I hope you have a wonderful weekend, and keep your sanity with the MIL there! ♥
from sweetresent :
That's beautiful! SO sweet. Happy Valentine's Day to you too! Even though it's the day after, but we don't have to tell anyone. lol And I absolutely LOVE your new Layout. I hope your night was special. Have a lovely day!
from endthelies :
HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!!! That present sounds lovely. What an adorable husband.
from lostmystic76 :
Awww! How sweet! Glad to hear your V-Day has started out well. And I LOVE the new layout! ((hugs))
from lostinmylove :
I LOVE it!!! And I hope you have a wonderful Valentine's Day too!! Maybe my hubby and I will get to go out to dinner as well... that would be SO nice!
from lostinmylove :
I LOVE the new template! Good luck with your MIL, I hope you post more soon! ♥
from endthelies :
Hehe, sorry about the mother in law. That's a gorgeous new template though!
from lostmystic76 :
LoL - It's 123
from endthelies :
ah ha, silly me. It's friend.
from kestra :
Are you looking for a group that is local to you, or a purely internet-based group? I really prefer the Yahoo groups for either one of these, if you asked me. Well, I would have trouble recommending a local group, because I don't know where you live actually. ;-) Anyway, here is a good group to join if you are interested in an internet-only group: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/APaganExperience/ I don't really post much there, but I like to read the messages anyway. :-)
from lu-x :
Interesting thoughts on religion. I sometimes have the same problem. Which religion is -the- one? I figured as Christianity, Islam, and Judaism are so simliar, it must be one of them. I know theres something out there, Whatever it is.
from endthelies :
sunflower =)
from endthelies :
Hehe... yoga virgin. Well, I hope you like it, and I bet you will. I did it a little bit when I still played field hockey, because we'd all do it as a team. It was really energizing. It gave me an awesome workout but at the end of a session, I felt energized, instead of tired. Man... now I wanna do yoga again.
from grt8f84me :
Hey, I hope you like yoga! I went one time at our local community center. All they ask is that you donate $1 each session you attend. My daughter and I went, and by the end, I was so relaxed, I actually fell asleep during the "cool" down session. My daughter had to nudge me awake because I started snoring! HAHAHA...leave it to me!
from sweetresent :
Now that's right on. The truth entry. A few years ago, I kept the policy in mind to never lie to myself. It's tough sometimes. I really admire you for writing this entry down... I truly could relate.
from grt8f84me :
Thank you! Just made some modifications of my own...when I saw that picture I could SO relate to it. Took me forever to get it the right size that was workable in the template. I'm proud of my first attempt at HTML...Thanks again! xoxoxo
from endthelies :
I love your new template! And I missed you while you haven't been posting much! It's great that you're working out a lot, though; I was just starting to get a good workout routine going before I had to leave for break. Now I'm back in my apartment, and I'm trying to start up good habits again, but it's hard. So kudos to you for doing it. I'm sure your time on the 1 1/2 mike will improve in no time.
from sweetresent :
I love your new template! It's so fresh and crisp. You are a lucky gal. ;)
from kestra :
4 classes in one semester and 3 classes in another semester sounds like a full load to me, especially when you have kids. That means 7 classes is a *double* load. I don't even have health problems, and I think it would kill me. I think taking longer to graduate might be the only reasonable choice in such a situation! I'm sorry to hear that you have to take all of this medicine! It's normal to feel a little stressed out about it. I know I would be if I were in the same situation!
from grt8f84me :
SNOOP!!! Thank you for all the wonderful notes in 2005. You always make me feel great. I wish you and your family a happy, prosperous 2006! Much Luv!!!! Your great!
from sandandfog :
Merry Christmas to you and your family!
from sweetresent :
Ewww. Being sick is the worst. I just got all caught up on your past entries. Your husband is a sweetheart... the entry with the Tom Krause qoute. Beautiful. Just simply beautiful. Okay have lovely day. Take care. "Is there a purpose? Why are we here?" A little boy asked as the yuletide drew near. "I really do hope that someday I will know the reason we stand out here in the snow, ringing this bell as people walk by, while thousands of snowflakes descend from the sky." The mother just smiled at her shivering son who would rather be playing and having some fun but soon would discover before evening was done the meaning of Christmas the very first one.
from lostmystic76 :
Ugh! Tis the season : ( Feel better soon! I hope the doc can give you some nice drugs!
from lostmystic76 :
Moving eh?!? Ooo! That's always exciting - best of luck with the job hunt.
from sweetresent :
lol! I just had the same, a minor Christmas meltdown. And um... can I be a chocolate-chip cookie instead? Being smart is too exhausting.
from lostinmylove :
Sorry I have been distant - just have so much chaos around here these days. I just wanted to give you some *hugs* - and if I can add my 2 cents - I think you deserve to have Christmas YOUR way... no step-drama involved. Hang in there...
from sweetresent :
I understand feeling evil because you want someone to just die and be out of your life for good. I felt that way constantly about my ex-stepfather. I wanted him to just die, poof, gone, perish. We're all taught that wanting someone to die is "evil". It's not, it's human nature, and if we never admitted that we had those feelings we'd be smiley happy, smurf-like robots. (I don't know why I used smurfs here...) But people have the capacity to both love and hate. And when we're treated the opposite by a person who is SUPPOSED to protect, nurture, respect and treasure us, feeling anger is normal. Being bitter is more than natural. In order to survive we have instinct to fight back, and anger is part of it. There's nothing evil about that.
from endthelies :
I really think you are within your rights keeping that dick out of your house. I know it make things a ittle contentious.. but aren't things contentious now? And you are so completely non-evil, I can't even find a word to describe how non-evil you are. He's a complete ass. Who can blame you for occasional dreams?
from lostmystic76 :
Sweetie, as much as I know you don't want to do this, you need to let him know he's not welcome in your house at Christmas. I know you don't want to loose your mom in this event, but you NEED to let him know that this behavior is NOT allowed. You also need your mom to learn to stand up for her own child! Nip this in the bud now....better late then never.
from endthelies :
Thank you for your comment. It actually gave me a huge boost. I'm sorry you had a sucky Thanksgiving, but I hope you remember that your step dad's aproval really doesn't matter. You have a husband who loves you, kids who love you, good friends, and other, more reasonable family members who treat you like you deserve to be treated. One irrational guy just doesn't deserve control over your emotional state.
from kestra :
I'm really sorry that you had such a crappy Thanksgiving. I didn't have such a good Thursday either, but... we tried to make up for it today. Anyway, I think you're right to try to think of the other kids. Hopefully, Amber will come around later, though, and realize how important her family is... Right now, like you said, she's just taking it for granted. What if things between her and her boyfriend don't work out? All she will have is family then. It's tough to write off your family because they'll always be your family, no matter what you go through, so it has to be a constant decision to do so. About your stepfather - I think that it's difficult for some men to treat their stepchildren as one of their own, and I think he's treated you unfairly because he has trouble feeling that paternal love naturally, and he's a man - men aren't always the most sympathetic people in the world. It's tough, though, because even the insensitive people in our lives will continue to be a part of our lives, so we do think about what they think or feel. Just remind yourself with your stepfather, not just how you can prove yourself to him, but how he can prove himself to you both as a fatherly figure and grandfather? Placing the burden of proving worthiness on the other person helps me when I start to feel low about myself.
from sweetresent :
Yeah... it felt like I fell into all my old patterns for Thanksgiving myself this year. And today has been a day of just going... oh wow, how easy was it for me to fall into an old destructive pattern? So, I need to brush off and get back to the grindstone, and go shopping... for me and for the deviants I call family. Hang in there, and take care.
from lostmystic76 :
Awww! Man that sucks. Sorry things weren't that great there.
from sandandfog :
Happy Thanksgiving to you and your family!!
from lostmystic76 :
Have a wonderfully happy turkey day sweetie!
from amb1valent-k :
Just horrible! And... control that oofing. It only leads to surgical stockings and beige trouser suits!
from kestra :
I think in civil court you don't need to have as much proof as you do in criminal court. Why not just try to sue for damages in a civil court? Of course I don't know how much it costs in lawyers, so it might not even be worth it... and that's really the worst part about our judicial system. It's just terrible that anyone would do this! I'm really sorry to hear that she's going through this.
from sandandfog :
That was SO uncalled for!!! I can't believe someone would have the nerve to do that. I'm so sorry for your daughter:(
from lostmystic76 :
Ooooo!!!!! That has me sooo enraged right now! You know, it's starting to get to the point where we need to start taking matters into our own hands. It's fairly obvious that the system cares NOTHING about instances like this. In my opinion the girl that did this should have been arrested, made to pay for the damages, and then been made to go through therapy. Grrrr!!! Who is out there to protect us?!? I hate feeling this way!
from dukkha-tanha :
"Nothing will ever make me angrier that when someone messes with one of my kids"--I hear you on that one. I hate to say what i'd do if someone did that to my kid. =)
from ava-reborn :
Omg!!!!!! Hope Heather is ok! *hugs*
from lostmystic76 :
*sobs* I want snow!!!! You know what you should do? You should post some snow pics up *wink wink*
from ava-reborn :
You are so not boring!! You're wonderful! xx
from endthelies :
Oooh how I wish I could have crawled back under the covers this morning. And how lucky you are to have SNOW!
from ava-reborn :
Thanks for caring!! I'm actually ok now!! It was mainly problems with Matt! He texted me. Then I had a phone conversation with him! Everything's cool now!!!! xxxxx
from lostmystic76 :
I vote for the tons of sex bit! Woo Hoo!
from sweetresent :
I'm password protecting my diary for a little little bit. Just dropping a line... to let you know.
from dukkha-tanha :
Are you sure it's not really Vanilla Ice? Nice pics! =)
from lostinmylove :
Holy crap! Vanilla Ice is right!! LOL I hope you have a great day!
from sweetresent :
The poem was sooo beautiful.
from endthelies :
Hey, at least I'm not the only crazy who's already started Christmas shopping! I love the Christmas season. I'm not Christian, so it has no religious signifigance to me, but there's this pervasive holiday feeling I just LOVE.
from sweetresent :
Thank you for the added incentive!... That purse is mine! ;) And about your job. I had a "manager" that I crossed the wrong way when I was a youngin'. My first job, 15, bagging groceries... (it was a horror). I mistook the guy for a "regular" employee, when he was the "Manager" of the store and had worked at Vons for "40 years". I simply stared at him whilst he was chewing me out and reminding me of this and thought... you really want to boast that you've bagged groceries for 40 years? Ah well, to each his own. He absolutely despised me after that though, but c'est la vie. I'm simply saying... in my usual too long ramble fashion... take care, and try to hang in there. And it's always fun to learn how to use proper handcuff etiquette. ;)
from endthelies :
WHOOOOOO you got the job! YAY!!!
from sweetresent :
Just read the latest... and I have to share this tidbit. Target has the cutest green metallic purse on the planet that I'm kicking myself for not buying everytime I glance at my green tanktop and green shoes that would have gone soo well with it. 'K... had to let that out. :p
from sweetresent :
"I heard a line on a movie yesterday. 'If someone gives you their love, don't shit on it.' " Oh that was such a gorgeous statement. I know I'm going to qoute you... it's inevitable. I had to take a a little hiatus to Orlando and am just now getting caught up on the entries I missed. The particular one with this heading, made me so glad to be back. :p Take care.
from endthelies :
Oh, sweetie, you are doing so well. You've put up with and suffered so much, but you're still trying and you stay open. That is so impressive.
from amb1valent-k :
X !?
from lostmystic76 :
Ah! Must have been something in the air. i couldn't sleep last night either. Got up a little after midnight and didn't go back to bed until almost 6:30am - lol!
from krissallae :
Snoopy, I love snoopy awesome site. You are most welcome to check in on my life/diary! Take care!
from lostinmylove :
So you want to see a picture of me huh? LOL I do have one up on my myspace page, if you hit "view more pics." (The link to my myspace page is at the very bottom of my private entry, or you can email me for it.) ♥
from endthelies :
I always try to cover up my stomach during dirty stuff. And sometimes when guys make really intense eye contact, it makes me nervous and I try to cover my face. I don't really know why, other than general self consciousness.
from lostmystic76 :
"PS It's really fucking strange to swear and write about oral sex and then look at Snoopy" - hahahahaha!!! Sorry - I found that rather amusing, and with the mood I'm in I needed a laugh.
from thekirks :
Yes I do feel that way about sex, etc alot of times, and I was never molested, etc. I wish I knew why!
from endthelies :
HEY! I missed you! (I mean, come on. You were gone for what... 48 whole hours? What was I supposed to do without you?) The new layout is awesome. I'm glad your notes are back up =D
from lostmystic76 :
OMG I LOVE the new layout! LMAO! That is just too damn cute! And so fitting - lol!

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update April 6, 2020: Sorry, we just had 8+ hours downtime due to a server problem. Restoring from backups took soooo long, but everything is back and no data was lost. Ay yay yay! Anyhow, hope everyone is well with the virus stuff.

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