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from ericboy :
I can't recall the last time I was here. I'm finally writing my "memoir" this month (New Year's Resolution) and I came here to jog my memory. So many users I click on are gone. So glad to find your link still "active" Would love to catch up. I guess it's been sixteen years or so. Drop a line some time: [email protected] -ericboy
from raven72d :
09 March 15: Do update!
from raven72d :
How is springtime?
from raven72d :
where have you been?
from thruthecrowd :
that is really beautiful
from raven72d :
Do update...
from raven72d :
I must look for the Regina Spektor version! Thanks!
from raven72d :
being lonely like that I do understand. i miss certain voices and the knowledge that there'll be calls at appointed times.
from dannyboyk2 :
I smiled to read your response this rainy afternoon. I have a blog that I update very occasionally, but I'm mostly online via email and facebook these days. Do you still use the same gmail address? Mine hasn't changed.
from dannyboyk2 :
I am waiting in line to dance (dance revolution) as I type this. I'm well. How are you?
from raven72d :
i so miss dancing!
from raven72d :
my, my--- a T.S. Eliot summer!
from chloroplast :
i guess it's the fantasy of revenge that's more satisfying. good on you for actually going through with it though. :) i'm not hiding secrets so much as the foam i skim off the top of my brain, haha. also i keep in touch with long-distance friends this way. i love how diaryland holds so much nebulous human experience - a little mixing pot in the corner of the internet. cheers!
from raven72d :
what will your summer be like?
from chloroplast :
how did the revenge turn out?
from raven72d :
April and May... Good entries.
from raven72d :
Happy 2011.
from realthoughts :
? were you meaning that you were pretending to forget? or that you actually did forget - even though you wrote that on the same day? I don't get the meaning of what you were trying to say.
from zoela :
mmmmm, i like birthday coffee.
from rainforme :
wow, first ry, now you... me next i think.
from erases :
Congratulations!!!
from dannyboyk2 :
Hello.
from zoela :
high fiving you from afar. (& thanks for the mp3!)
from zoela :
you're not alone because i'm hugging you invisibly. <3
from dannyboyk2 :
thinking of you; sorry
from zoela :
fresh back from a visit to dc. i would like to know everything please!
from raven72d :
you're back...
from erases :
everything.
from rainforme :
no way man!! it's in the FUTURE. haha... hence the title of my entry.
from erases :
what do you mean?
from dannyboyk2 :
I'm here. How are you? Do you have a facebook or AIM or email or anything other than diaryland that you'd feel comfortable contacting me via? I'm not really interested in diaryland any longer. Let me know. Also, happy Valentines Day...
from realthoughts :
hey - where'd your diary go? It keeps bringing up a blank page for some reason. :(
from studionique :
I can COMPLETELY relate to the 5 steps entry. Here's to a new year ay?
from zoela :
direction is overrated. it's about the journey.
from dannyboyk2 :
Hey there.
from zoela :
We must complete our mission before the first full moon of 2009. Ooh, dramatic! (About a month from now.) Extensions permitted if bribed. The goal has to be realistic, and something that makes YOU happy. I'm still thinking what mine will be. I think I'll play dress up and go on a date with myself to a museum on a free day, and afterward I'll drink the frothiest hot drink I find at the cafe and read a book from the gift shop. Quadruple points if I make friends with a nice elderly person while there! What will yours be?
from zoela :
I propose that we each think of one thing that makes us happy, and do it, no matter how ridiculous. I dare us to pinky swear on it, and trade full reports after completing our mission! You in?
from twsmith23 :
Thanks for the birthday wishes=). Weird that even as we get older and supposedly wiser and more mature, nothing seems to make any more sense or be any easier...
from l-alle :
[mental hugs yr way]
from erases :
it's startin' to feel like this mixtape thing is never gonna happen lady
from erases :
sure, what is your e-mail? (we can delete these notes to ensure privacy, as soon as i get your address)
from erases :
coming from you, that is a huge compliment. thank you very very much.
from bornearly :
You shouldn't need a password any more. Try refreshing the page, and if it still comes up that you need to put one in, try carpe and diem. I took that off some time ago though. Just now I went back and checked my password page to make sure there isn't anything written in any of the boxes. They're all clear. Can you let me know if the "password needed" window still comes up ? I'll have to let Andrew know that there's a glitch. Anyway you should be able to get in with the words above. Happy reading!
from raven72d :
"Steps of Time"... good title. It's...patristics? What is the focus?
from raven72d :
I started my doctoral thesis, wrote 3 of 5 proposed chapters, and then...well...discovered a social life and the club world. Seven years went by. (Yes, seven)Then I looked round and realised that I had once chance to finish. I'd been registering for "thesis credit" so I could use the library, so I'd never (technically) been away from the university. But I did the other two chapters, revised all five, and did my defense in a year. And ended up with the degree.
from raven72d :
4th-c. Syriac text? I'm seriously impressed. The languages required are a serious challenge. What was the projected title?
from l-alle :
yes. i hate it.
from l-alle :
...which 10.27? [is embarrassed b/c i talk too much]
from raven72d :
ah, now... do tell me more about that M.A. program and what you were writing... I really am fascinated.
from raven72d :
I found Nussbaum through her polemics with conservative advocates of the classics--- e.g., the authors of "Who Killed Homer". How did you find her?
from raven72d :
what have you been looking for?
from bornearly :
Hi, R... I was a stumbler-in tonight and am grateful that you made me find out who Cary Tennis is. Good luck to you in this big transition. I'm not clear about your general history (only read a few entries so far) but I'm a traveler too (musician), who is looking to be more rooted. I hope you find everything you need in your new life!
from raven72d :
what's gone wrong in boston?
from erases :
you words are some of my favorites. my favorite puzzle pieces.
from rainforme :
hey 9/13... hang in there. i remember that feeling. it eventually fades and you get back into the swing of Americana life. and you'll wonder if you really want to... and you'll burn with the need to get out again and eventually... complacency. ha. that sounds bad. :)
from lobo21 :
Thank you kindly. I shall interject questions as they arise. :)
from raven72d :
The 9/19 entry is wonderful.
from lobo21 :
Hello. Stumbled across your page and the words of your entries struck a cord as the saying goes. If you don't objest, I would like to stumble by again sometime.
from raven72d :
i always love finding your entries.
from linguafranca :
Why, yes, there is somewhere you can see my work, thanks for asking! (I try to keep this diary anonymous and delinked to my business since I can get a bit ranty here). My flickr has some good photos: http://www.flickr.com/photos/mywordjewelry
from realthoughts :
How about trying to make yourself happy then? Of course, you'd first have to figure out what would...
from realthoughts :
oh, so I haven't tried to persuade you enough to come to the west coast, specifically the southern part??? that's all I have to do, is give you enough incentive?? hello?? I'M HERE!!!!!!!!!!!! :)
from raven72d :
Yikes! What's made it so sucky?
from raven72d :
how is july beginning?
from ariadne518 :
I'd be very thankful for the contact if you still have it!
from realthoughts :
I should have added WHY people think I'm still 20 - it's totally because of my oily acne face that I should have outgrown by now...
from candoor :
challenge yourself to create beauty and happiness and fun and pleasure, even if it is all in your mind...
from raven72d :
Once you get home, life will be better.
from raven72d :
Why the urge to cry behind an office door?
from ariadne518 :
Are you back in Uganda?
from raven72d :
I do love the Epicurus quote.
from ariadne518 :
You are having a hard time, I gather. Wish we could get coffee and talk.
from realthoughts :
are you staying or leaving???
from raven72d :
Still out there?
from realthoughts :
why?
from realthoughts :
you've been back in America for how long and you're already stressing over American politics?? :)
from ariadne518 :
I think he's a long shot - don't move to Canada yet. Then again, if it's people's selection of him that encourages your collapse of faith in Americans and subsequent desire to flee, I'm with you on that. You might want to, say, move to Africa or England for a while.
from zoela :
thank you for refreshing my memory of an important lesson about life -- one i've always known but often forget -- that we must choose our battles to reserve our energy for the things we CAN control, like being who we want to be.
from raven72d :
Africa is no place-- other than Morocco and Egypt and parts of Abyssinia --where I'd ever go. Far too scary and depressing.
from ariadne518 :
Been catching up, reading your thoughts - and then abruptly....pffffffff. And I'm the queen of that, so whatevs. But what's new now? We're all dying for an update.
from raven72d :
Update soon...
from raven72d :
What's up?
from raven72d :
I loved "Shopgirl"...
from raven72d :
How long have you been married?
from realthoughts :
I keep looking more like my mom too and that really weirds me out. I want to look like me.
from raven72d :
8/5 and 5/15... Lovely entries. I've lived in Turkey and Croatia, but I'd be utterly terrified in Uganda.
from realthoughts :
I'm so sad we kept missing each other! :) Hey, maybe if I keep working on set a ton I'll be rich and can come visit you! I miss you and I'm thinking about y'all while you are traveling.
from raven72d :
May I get a password?
from dannyboyk2 :
*giggle* Anything is possible when surrounded by friends. :)
from rainforme :
that may be true, but look at this hugely important event that is your life!
from rainforme :
not just yet, 9/29. i suppose u couldn't fly out here from uganda to attend? ;)
from epipie :
Gorgeous weather, loving boyfriend, keeping busy with his daughter (visiting for summer). Can't complain really. Ok, they can learn to pick up after themselves, but that's about it. ;) I gotta figure out a way to stay in Canada, because my visitor's visa is up soon. eek. I have a new diary at livejournal, more dependable. the username is epipie of course. ;) I wish you the best of luck in Uganda. You'll definitely get a lot of "life experience" there. ciao!
from epipie :
How do you know? Maybe they're just really good at keeping things secret! ;)
from raven72d :
Uganda? Why? That's a scary and dangerous part of the world.
from realthoughts :
actually, isn't it the 20th? - that's almost three weeks. :)
from raven72d :
Tell me about the surreal part...
from realthoughts :
are you back yet?
from raven72d :
And how is midsummer for you?
from realthoughts :
I'm glad we got to im last night! it's so weird for me to think you're all the way in uganda. but I still miss you.
from teachin-usa :
oh! but aren't you going to update from there???
from shinythings- :
:(
from realthoughts :
I miss you.
from zoela :
yes
from zoela :
strangely uplifting. a reawakening. an unearthing of inner power. a declaration of self.
from zoela :
dumped him.
from realthoughts :
and that I'm not there with you. :(
from dannyboyk2 :
Lunchbreak.avi doesn't work on your mac? It needs to be downloaded, not streamed. You can download it on a mac by holding CTRL and clicking the link, then selecting "save link as." Unfortunately, it doesn't play in quicktime; you'll need to download VLC Player from www.videolan.org -- VLC is a far superior video player in my opinion anyway. Also, I didn't know you had a mac(?).
from realthoughts :
ew. who is it this time? I swear if I ever get pregnant, I'm going to call you crying...and not from happiness...
from epipie :
The cure: bad poetry and dealing with it so long you forget about it. At least, that's my theory.
from epipie :
I hear ya. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Quarter-life_crisis
from realthoughts :
I don't want you to move to uganda either. being married is weird.
from epipie :
I thought you were older than that, because you sound so mature and worldly. And I mean that as the highest compliment. Happy birthday!
from teachin-usa :
Happy Birthday!
from basal :
i am, if you want to send me an e-mail at [email protected]
from dannyboyk2 :
Also, thank you. :-)
from dannyboyk2 :
confusing sans breaks / your haiku, I read again / until I smiled
from raven72d :
I love St.-Exupery's books.
from realthoughts :
hello - our mass suicide plans! :)
from realthoughts :
I think you like England because it is so different from where you were living, because you are more free to be yourself there. I don't think you should swear off living in the US again though - there's so many places you haven't lived - you can still be the person you enjoy being in England as you can here. You're different there because you're finally living in a part of the world that's different from where we went to college - and there's a lot of other different parts of the world! Not everyone is the type of American you hate. I'm not - and I miss you and want you to come back!! :)
from shinythings- :
thank you. :)
from zoela :
I was going to write some really crass joke on the subject of waking up in different beds...but fortunately I've decided against it. Funny you should mention that Cash song. It was on repeat when we were on the road. Corny isn't it?
from dannyboyk2 :
Aye, 2007. Oi... 2007...
from realthoughts :
where are you? I miss you. :(
from rainforme :
i am interested in what you find out about the pre-marital sex thing, not just because i want to ease my christian-brain-washed morals, but seriously...
from zoela :
Ahem, very interesting entry... Hmmmm...
from zoela :
Don't tempt me, I just might! Pip pip tally ho and a jolly good -- (just kidding.) London is first on the list of my next top 3 cities to see, along with Helsinki and Sydney. ...And Kyiv, four. Oh and New York! Five. And Bangor and Oaxaca and Tokyo and ...
from zoela :
Very pretty.
from mehiel :
That's great! I really like the design on your page.
from realthoughts :
can I join your mailing list? :)
from dannyboyk2 :
Mm... your turn? :D
from dannyboyk2 :
Thank you--for the compliment and the inspiration. :-)
from dannyboyk2 :
Dare I ask just what you're referring to in your "i need a microphone" entry? Hmm... *ponders about whether an audio-entry would be worth the while*
from tootiturtle :
I just wanted to let you know that I very much appreciate your concern and you're always welcome to add your input. :)
from zoela :
I've been wondering that myself. I don't know. My entries are still there so I thought it was just a brief glitch, but it's still invisible a day later. Maybe I was reported for having an awful diary?
from zoela :
Interestingly, according to the Hebrew texts, while there is a prohibition against 'men lying with men' there is no prohibition against lesbianism. Even the most pious orthodox rabbis acknowledge this. I always found that to be one of the more interesting moral double standards -- one of the rare few that seems to actually favor women.
from realthoughts :
hmm...so obviously you know that I was raised the exact same way as you and pledged the same "true love waits" commitments and all that - but you also know that I was VERY innocent and never did ANYTHING up until I was way out of college � and then I ended up having sex before I was married...but to the guy I ended up marrying. Honestly, I do not regret AT ALL that he's the only guy I've ever slept with, I kind of like it. I wrote an entry about it once. I think my previous lack of experience allows me to be content with what I have now - if I'd slept with many other guys before him I'm afraid I couldn't help but compare, and possibly not be as satisfied with him as I am now. I LOVE that he is the only one I've ever given myself to. In a way, it really is a gift I've given him; I am only touched by him, and him only. HOWEVER, the point of your entry was pre-marital sex, which I did have, and as far as the actual waiting-til-the-wedding-night thing, I've never believed that it was necessary. I occasionally do wish that we would have waited though. the truth is that sex gets old and "normal" after awhile, and if a couple can wait till late in their relationship (even marriage) before experiencing it, then they are able to prolong the excitement of it. Also, if pushing the waiting-til-marriage ideals in teens keeps them from engaging in sex til they can actually appreciate the vulnerably and intimacy it creates (not to mention handle the responsibilities/complications that could ensue), then let fundamental conservatives keep pushing abstinence til marriage. we both survived, right?
from zoela :
I can relate. Don't sacrifice yourself to housewifedom yet! (Even though I know you're bluffing.) Rome wasn't built in a day. If you haven't already, tell him your fears of becoming his shadow. He wants you to be happy. If his future is stable it might work to your advantage as financial backing to developing whatever it is you really want to do. Don't feel guilty. Your convictions are strong. You can do it! Cheesy phrase, I know, but I know you can. Someone like you can never fade.
from epipie :
It's good to have you back.
from duermemucho :
However long it was supposed to last, I'm glad to see you back. Let's hear some more details of your new life...
from realthoughts :
you're in England right now!!!!!!!
from mehiel :
I think that with your intellectual background, you're one of the people most equipped to deal with Random Attacks of Sentience. However, it seems like Analytic criticism skimps on questions of finality--once again, I suggest phenomenology, and the Continentals, especially Heidegger.
from dannyboyk2 :
"please,(...) I'm not ready for this to be over yet." It's not over yet, and when it is over, I don't believe you'll care much. Obviously, the dead have no cares, but even leading up to it, whether it be decades away from aging, or nearer, for illness, or whatever reason, I have a feeling you'll come to better terms with it before you go. As a young child, did you look upon the world and life as you do now? What leads you to believe that your thoughts and viewpoints have no maturing left to do?
from realthoughts :
have you been reading my diary lately? I'm obsessing over this same thing too.
from mehiel :
Good luck!
from mehiel :
No, I can't work at all. I'm on a visitor's visa. Visitors aren't allowed to work or study.
from realthoughts :
aww...it can't be as bad as the town you just came from. :)
from realthoughts :
do you get penalized for not turing in the exit form? if not, just don't do it - they don't want to hear the truth and you shouldn't be forced to give them a lie.
from rainforme :
heh... my oma is on husband number 4.
from mehiel :
My husband's grandmother is much the same. It annoys her eldest daughter no end. Between us, I contend that she is secretly envious--an 85-year-old gets more game than she does. But I understand how you feel. I wasn't particularly close to any of my grandparents. They lived far away, and their dementia was so extreme that none of them really knew me when it was their time to go. My sadness at the time had more to do with sympathy for my parents, than anything else.
from zoela :
They'll never be a shortage of things to bitch about, but I'm satisfied as long as I get to do what I love. Good luck in your quest for contentment and thank you very much for the note.
from teachin-usa :
Sounds like you probably locked it before anyone could get too far in your diary anyway--that thought could give you some peace of mind I hope...
from rockboy :
oh no! send me a note at krisanarock at yahoo. com
from mehiel :
Do you feel that you need to "convince" or "trick" others into loving you because you believe yourself to be fundamentally unloveable? Why do you "need" to hold the power in a relationship? I don't think that you're a "horrible representation" of anything; I think you're less comfortable with yourself than you could be.
from twsmith23 :
Not sure if it's 20/20 hindsight, or rose colored glasses... Maybe that's the ultimate kicker...
from realthoughts :
I kind of want to start writing again - mostly because it's how you and I kept in contact with our daily lives and issues and thoughts and trueness that is involved with them. I miss you and feel like talking on the phone just isn't the same. I'm glad I'll get to see you in three weeks, but sad that you'll be so far away from me after that. :( I really am happy and excited for you though - and I WILL come visit, not just say it, but do it. we're already talking about how were going to save money and I've already looked up costs to fly (I'm determined to fly on Virgin again! :) ) let me know when the best time to come is? your birthday? thanksgiving (we could be the funny americans celebrating it)? christmas? spring break? when?
from twsmith23 :
It's weird you write about missing the place you'll soon be leaving. All i've been thinking about the last few weeks are the things i miss about KC, even though i couldn't wait to get out of there at the time...
from epipie :
"Curvy" makes me think of the Brits. I don't think it's so bad. Because it is true, I do have more "curves" than, say Calista Flockheart. Hah! I think they're supplying a demand, but trying to put it lightly. Would you rather: "LADIES! PUT YOUR FAT ASS IN THESE"? They don't call the smaller framed women beanpoles. They're "petite," y'know? The whole debate reminds me of a conversation I had with my friend. I was telling her how my mom refuses to say "fat." She'd rather say "heavyset." To which my friend replied: "Oh, Jen. Get over it. I'm fat." Thought that was cute.
from epipie :
I love Ann Taylor Loft. Thank GOD they have something for my ghetto booty! I always get so jealous that the petite ladies get a whole corner of the store all to themselves. Now it's our turn to take it over! Muahaha!
from razberryjam :
stumbled across your diary today and couldn't stop reading. you express yourself well, you talk about interesting things, and your layout is perfect. consider me your latest fan.
from dannyboyk2 :
The note below me reccommends K-gaard. I'm not sure I agree with that, but, hey, I haven't read that much of him... Still, I do recall a really wonderous passage/excerpt from Eithor/Or I about orphaned violinists playing a mozart duet in the street for money. Mmm...
from mehiel :
Again, I recommend Kierkegaard. Or St. Thomas Merton.
from cheekyash :
i don't really plan on it yet anyway. i added you, hope you don't mind.
from mehiel :
I adore this new layout. And the entry. :)
from epipie :
Beautiful entry on soul mates. I linked the entry to others.
from raven72d :
Doesn't philosophy work best over vodka?
from realthoughts :
I wish I hadn't been such a crappy friend in March when you came to visit and we could have hung out more without me being so stressed. I miss hanging out on a regualr basis too. it's hard how the world now takes us all over the place and we don't just all stay in the same town and hang out. but honestly, if we did stay all in one place, we'd hate it. aww...I miss you! :(
from rainforme :
holy shit. i'm visiting you!
from mehiel :
Congratulations! Yay!
from epipie :
Congradulations! I'm so jealous, except for the studying part, that is!
from zoela :
Thanks. You just gave me an idea! Heheheh...you'll see...
from realthoughts :
honestly - I think it's just people, not just Americans.
from mehiel :
Wow, that's a really nice grad gift. Damn. Also: start looking for jobs in Toronto or Montreal, if you want East Coast locales and a change of scene. I married a Canadian and am working through my immigration (as you know), and I can say that although Canada is not perfect, I still feel better about raising a family here someday than I do about raising one in the States. I would start looking for jobs or another school program, to get you some kind of permit or visa to be here. You could visit Toronto and see what you think.
from basal :
My suggestion is that you actually make sure you leave. Making plans to leave a town and then not leaving pretty much sucks. Other than that, perhaps you could go to Prague. And reunite that poor country with Slovakia, I hear they miss each other.
from mehiel :
Well, what would your husband like to do? I assume he's following you, right?
from realthoughts :
hey, at least if you got fired, you'd be free from your crappy job, right? :)
from mehiel :
Good luck! I know exactly what you're talking about--I've had lots of bosses who just thought I wasn't doing things the "right" way, but refused to tell me just exactly what that "right" way was. They couldn't define it, so how was I supposed to live up to it?
from rainforme :
no shit. hang in there... at least you won't contract an std from your depression. heh. that was a horrible way to be optimistic, but eh. what is life for? it all seems so pointless at times until i look at the people i care about. they make it worth it. i just wish i could find a guy to care about. we all want something don't we?
from dannyboyk2 :
But, somewhere inside, you still wish to feel otherwise?
from mehiel :
I just want you to know that you're not alone; I've felt the same way before, and there is no easy answer--you just have to treat the depression like an enemy; realize that it's only interested in the ways it can make you hurt yourself.
from cheekyash :
just stumbled across your words and liked them
from realthoughts :
me too.
from mehiel :
*hugs*
from dannyboyk2 :
If you obtain that "freedom from responsibility and the ties that bind" that you seek, you could come visit me in your travels. :-) Alternatively, since it seems I'll be working for another 8 months (yes, surgery), I could save up a little cash and visit you. Maybe?
from rainforme :
i'm getting by. boston is a neat place... hey, whatever happened to teaching english abroad?
from mehiel :
I think that Kierkegaard is very honest in his estimation of faith as a lonely journey. In the end, faith is between oneself and God, and one's faith being tested does not make one a tragic hero, but rather just another human being.
from rainforme :
hang in there. ;\
from epipie :
Oh my god. I am so sorry you have to put up with that craziness. Is this what I have to look forward to with marriage? Heh. In all honestly, she was being a bit much with her reaction. But even still, if I were you, I'd put on my best Bill Lumbergh impression when talking to her. "Uh, yeahhhhh. I'm going to have to ask you not to do that. Oh, and did you get that memo about the TPS Reports?"
from mehiel :
I agree. It's in your husband's best interest to maintain a civil, cordial relationship between you and his mother--otherwise both of you can make his life a living hell. If your mother-in-law is hurting your feelings, then he needs to know, especially if her actions are hurting your relationship to him. That's where her ultimate triumph is, you see, it's in causing conflict between the two of you. So, continue being as open and honest with him as you can, and you will have won the day. (Also, the two of you having sex with her under your roof will make you feel lots better, in a decidedly passive-aggressive way.)
from raven72d :
Not a bad plan...
from epipie :
Whenever people start bringing up "God's will" I roll my eyes, because I know it's just bullshit propaganda. You are much more tasteful than I.
from realthoughts :
I don't know why I feel like leaving you a note, but I do. I miss us being diarylandmates. I'm sorry. I feel all crappy lately and I know that you do too - it's a crappy time of our lives and trying to just hold on each day until the better things comes around kind of makes us dead and boring inside. I'm sorry I quit my diary. I feel a sort of responsiblity for the fact that it's hard for us to keep in touch. I don't like not being in touch like we used to. I don't know why I'm putting this in a note, I guess becuase it ties me back to diaryland which is what had kept us in touch for so long since we've graduated and lived two states apart. I hope things are going ok. I hope you enjoy Boston. As much as I don't want you to live even farther from me, I'm excited about y'all finding a life after a-town and the things that are to come for you. eventually we both will be in a better place and able to talk more. so yeah. I just wanted to leave a note to see how you're doing and let you know that I miss having a diary if only cause it's how we kept up with each others lives...
from raven72d :
A movie? Yes. Yes. A film by David Lynch re-worked by David Cronenberg.
from hamiltonian :
I'VE RETURNED..
from mehiel :
*hugs* I knew we had stuff in common! Thank you for sharing! It's bizarre how much better that makes me feel.
from mehiel :
Wedding photos are up!
from realthoughts :
you know, I've been trying to be all mature and everything - and I know this is just selfishness coming out of me - but to be honest, I really wish you weren't moving to the east coast. :(
from corin82 :
Ok, after reading your "cho" antecdote, I've decided that if I'm ever playing charades, I want you on my team.
from epipie :
Dang. I only read like two entries, and I'm already addicted
from itisntlove :
i love that song.
from dannyboyk2 :
Thanks for writing me a note. I don't check in here every day as I once did, but it's still nice to see that people remember me. To answer your questions: I left diaryland for safety reasons. I am writing elsewhere in a very different environment/style. It's something new for me, and I'm enjoying it. I may someday return to diaryland when the time is right, but, as of now, that day is not in sight. Thank you for your concern about me; you needn't ever hesitate to drop me a line or email ([email protected]) if you wish to communicate or think I can help with something. I'll be checking in on diaryland, too, from time to time, so I'll try to keep up with what's going on at revisions.diaryland.com Thanks for writing, thanks for sharing, thanks for caring. -danny
from raven72d :
Oh, anytime! And I will be reading along.
from epipie :
Cool! You know what they say -- misery loves company. I have a feeling you'd like corin82 and argolam, too. Check 'em out.
from raven72d :
By the way-- fascinating entries.
from mehiel :
If you would be so kind as to show it to me, I would love to read your piece on Eco. I am quite a fan of his, and recently wrote a short essay on his intertextual use of John Donne's "Valediction: Forbidding Mourning" in "The Island of the Day Before." I think Eco is a very special author, because while his works can be scaffolded critically through any number of interpretive theories, he is at heart a husband and father who doesn't shy away from revealing the earthier aspects of life in his fiction. (His more academic works are of course a bit more acid--he has quite the scathing wit.) I think that reading Continental works requires a different reading style than Analytical, however. Analytical reading is the kind which demands highlighters and pages of smeared notes with many different Roman numerals and so on. I think in Continental philosophy, one tries to read a little bit above the text, just gently coasting it, looking for bumps and pits. It's reading by feel. This may be because most phenomenology is so deeply sorrowful. I'm a person who always tries to remember that, despite what Barthes may say about their death, authors do (and did) have feelings, and a place in historical reality. Again, I'm ranting, but I would like to talk more with you about it.
from mehiel :
It was Ursula K. LeGuin that said "It is good to have an end to journey toward, but it is the journey that matters, in the end." I'm sure you've heard that one before. Are you studying Continental or North American philosophy? I ask because things like "truth value" and logic bring to mind the more rigid world of North American, analytical philosophy, but it seems like you're expanding into a more Continental way of thinking. There's a lot more in Husserl, Heidegger, Gadamer, and Levinas about the "heimlich/un-heimlich" feeling, and intuiting a place of belonging through interactions with others and new experiences. Phenomenology seems to indicate that the soul can be naked and wondrous at any age, once it looks with unclouded eyes. Maybe you need to stop thinking about everything as a "problem" to be solved, but rather as thing-in-itself, a condition of your existence. Now I'm rambling, but we can talk more about it, if you like.
from mehiel :
Small, indoor, at Toronto City Hall with a reception at a very nice Japanese restaurant. I'm wearing red, not white, and walking down the aisle with my fiance, not my father. (I've never been able to stand the "giving the daughter away" custom--it's so outdated!)
from mehiel :
Hey, I have photos up, if you're curious!
from rockboy :
ps i turned 25 a couple weeks ago
from rockboy :
we could start a jazz band :O)
from serenaville :
Clicked in off your "coffee spoons" banner, and remained to become enthralled by a fellow over-analyzer. Just wanted to let you know I'd been by, and that I'll be popping in again. Happy birthday! -Serena
from mehiel :
You may be sad, but at least you have good taste. Relish that. And happy birthday!
from realthoughts :
to think, we started these diary things when we were 20. we're so freakin old. :)
from masala- :
nice playlist :)
from mehiel :
I think you're right. The way my mother phrased it to me was: "God will always answer your prayers. But sometimes, the answer is 'no.'" I think we would all be a lot better off if we could accept pain and suffering as a condition of existence--something we get in the bargain, as it were. But we also get joy in the bargain, or at least the chance for it.
from mehiel :
Everyone has that fear. And sometimes it's justified. I told everyone that my move to Canada would be a breeze, and that immigration would be nothing to worry about. Man, was I wrong on that score. But, despite the obstacles, my longing to be in a place that I belonged, with the person with whom I belong, made taking those steps inevitable. If you want to move northeast, then do it. If it doesn't work out, then you'll never wonder. If you have your health, and a family that will support you, people you can come home to, than you won't have lost out on anything.
from realthoughts :
are you moving to the northest then? :(
from mehiel :
Sorry about that! My username and password are: reader. I would love for you to read me!
from realthoughts :
I get to see you in 8 days! :)
from iamyourjune :
yeah, i decided that as i turn 20, i should start something new, stop the teenage angst (which let's be honest, was all my blog was really about). it's kind of a way to disconnect with my problems, and move on with my life. :o)
from rainforme :
haha, yah, sorry. :)
from janitor-x :
Oh believe me, I pity them too. Anyone who believes in absolutes of anything is destined for a very disappointing and lonely life. And I think you're right, the entire point of the Christian religion as originally stated was probably to prevent people from being taken hostage by absolutes.
from realthoughts :
I'm glad we're best friends, you know? I'm sorry you're like this now. but you know that. will you be up late tonight? can I call you?
from janitor-x :
No way...yeah, I've also heard good things about it. Haven't made it that far though, I still have a copy of "Where I was From" sitting unopened on my shelf, waiting for a day when I have a spare minute. Joan is great.
from dannyboyk2 :
So how has "burning your (social) bridges" worked for you thus far?
from hamiltonian :
Impressive journal.
from dinahsoar :
I know the church is filled with very flawed people (as is the Bible, for that matter). I'm sorry that you are feeling so isolated within what should feel like community. There is probably at least one person there who feels just like you do. I will pray that you connect.
from hamiltonian :
just lettin' you know I was here and enjoyed your fine journal...
from dannyboyk2 :
You'd like to forget? I know the feeling. I see two options at your disposal. 1. Find a "clinic" like that in Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. 2. Undergo multiple sessions of ECT (electro-convulsive therapy), a treatment for recurrent, severe depression that caused me more memory loss than relief (see my 02-08-05 entry, for example). On a more realistic note, you might consider forgetting about forgetting. I once wrote "While these memories pain me now, the memories I don't have, or could have had, pain me more." I can attest that memory loss has brought me little but grief; ESotSM provides a similar argument, though its was more dramatic and well-received. Besides, fictitious clinics and ECT seem better suited toward eradicating events from memory. You seem more interested in forgetting ideas--eh?
from dannyboyk2 :
I hear there might be contentment in ignorance.
from realthoughts :
you can always call me at 2am! you know that! plus, your 2am is my midnight! :) also, hey - if you ever move out to California, you can have cooler friends, like me... :)
from rainforme :
holy shit is right! i told realthoughts that you guys are invited to the wedding, whenever it actually happens! but seriously, you guys are. i've come to depend on you guys in a way, and i consider you close friends. weird huh? :)
from ariadne518 :
I too am on the hunt for a safe mascara. I'll let you know what I find!
from twsmith23 :
=) Myspace is addicting isn't it? I just joined a few days, and it seems like i'm on there all the time. Funny the way we spend our times sometimes... Anyway, come find me on myspace, name is the same, twsmith23.
from janitor-x :
I would hate to call it a relationship of "convenience" but that's what it would sound like if I explained in detail. But I worry that I complain too much in my diary and in fact she's a much better person/relationship than I let on. She's just got some personal habits and rigid ideas that I think are a little bit restrictive. That's all.
from jadedphoenix :
I am going to write here more often - my site has become restricting to my style - I hope you'll read.
from my-lost-muse :
i'm sure you'll finish you're paper and do a great job on it. gl and we all feel that way at times... at least i know i do... cool banner & site by the way
from nibbleofcorn :
Oooh! The Decemberists. Don't get me started.
from realthoughts :
I'm going to call and talk to you in just a little bit. I which you still had Sprint so we could talk during the week more! :)
from realthoughts :
I think we're both quite a bit older than 6 yrs ago and being out on our own for the first time. I didn't know then that the majority of friends don't stay for long in one's life...and that you'd be the only one who'd be there the entire time. I think things are different now. I'm still figuring out parts of myself, but I no longer feel like I have to be by myself in order to figure them out. it wouldn't be like we were sharing a room, and we wouldn't be sharing a computer... :) we have our own lives now, our own houses on our own streets in differentr parts of the city. I had a alot of changing and experiences to undergo when I entered college - and I think I knew this and felt I needed to seperate all ties from high school, of which you were one. I don't need to do this anymore. I now see that you are the one and only friend I've had throughout every stage of turning into me...and I want you to keep being there during every stage of who I will become. hello? I think we're kinda stuck as friends for LIFE at this point... :) come to LA!!! :)
from realthoughts :
COME TO LA!!! :) I'm saying this for my own personal reasons...but you knew I would say it already... :)
from fightn4life :
I like your entry, intriguing. Sandyz
from dinahsoar :
Your entry was intriguing. I cried the night before I turned six. Somehow I knew something I still can't express. I feel the same as I always felt. But I feel somehow timeless, eternal, young.
from rainforme :
oh girl, i feel ya.
from fightn4life :
I have been in the same frame of mind, been searching for a week now for vacation getaways to Hawaii. Maybe it is this time of year, or many a much needed down time. I say follow your heart and take a break, I will end my search when I find myself sitting on the North Shoes of Kauai. For now I am star gazing. Sandyz
from fightn4life :
Don't let moms discussions get you down, I go through the same turmoil when the elections come in to play. I see no reason to feel odd about your vegetarian life style; I too have set meat on the table for others while not indulging myself. This is what makes a part of life so awesome; we have the choice to be us. It doesn't matter what others think. Happy Thanksgiving. Sandyz
from janitor-x :
Yes...and it's surprisingly easy as long as you can set aside 2-3 hours in which you're sure you won't be interrupted. You should try it; I can email a kickass recipe.
from ariadne518 :
hello hello, thanks for the congrats! depending on the line, most schools hire full time faculty with a graduate degree (like an MA) and teaching experience. It wouldn't be a tenure-track line, but would be full time nonetheless. My school posted just such a line, and I applied. I always think the best bet is to seek out "lecturer" positions, or work part-time at a school and hope they'll offer a full time position at some point. It is difficult to get in full time, but definitely not impossible. Let me know if you ever need any advice :)
from dannyboyk2 :
I've learned through experience that memory is rarely to be trusted. Look no further than the note you just wrote me, for example. You (indirectly) quote me as having written "different back then" when I actually wrote, "Do you genuinely believe things were ever any differnt?". You may call this nitpicking, but I believe it illustrates my point on small scale well enough. We remember things the way we want to. My email can be found in the drop-down menu in my webdiary. ([email protected])
from dannyboyk2 :
(Re: 11-20-05) Do you genuinely believe things were ever any differnt?
from fightn4life :
Don't be angry with all the adult would. I have been told many I was "brutally hones" If I feel something I say it, no bull shit, no sugar coating. If I feel it is none of my business and I have nothing but hurtful honesty I remain silent rather than attack someone with cruel words. If someone asks me a question, they know to be prepared to hear it as I see/feel it. Not all people can be grouped, I as you do hate being bull shitted, I want an honest upfront answer or I would not ask. There are those you will find through out your life that will be honest. And just think, you are one step ahead of them. Sandyz
from realthoughts :
I never knew you were actually in love with bryan. I think I had somewhat of on a crush on him too...he was kinda that kind of guy. I still wonder what would have happened had I not been afriad to tell keith in 7th grade that I liked him...
from fightn4life :
I think many of us wonder "what if" during our journeys here. What if our first love hadn't moved away, if we hadn't turned down that one in a life time dance, turned our head to embrace our first kiss, what if our path would have been altered because we took a different road. But then again just one tiny little change would have tainted everything we are today and we would not be where we are right now. Every step that we take through life is our choice; this is what makes us who we are today. You have a beautiful soul; savor all you have learned during your life. Don't look back, you are not going that way. (I loved this entry as I could relate) Sandyz
from rainforme :
yeah we do, yeah we do. nice photo.
from realthoughts :
you got your pictures to work!! :)
from dannyboyk2 :
I wasn't sure I liked where you were taking your most recent entry (11-15-05) until the final few lines, the closing about taking fortune cookies seriously, especially. You pulled some insight out of anger pretty well, I think--something I need to work on, myself. Nicely done. :-)
from janitor-x :
No, I wouldn't say it's hypochondria. More of just a grim fascination. Someone else suggested it's because my brain exploded after having to deal with my boss for the past week. I'm tempted to agree.
from realthoughts :
ha ha - we share something in common with paris hilton!! http://www.defamer.com/hollywood/paris-hilton/whats-on-paris-hiltons-ass-posthalloween-edition-134742.php
from fightn4life :
Only kidding, hope you knew that...if it were all about Karma I would wonder myself what I did that caused the snowball effect of disaster called by life. Then I would wonder why I have to do this all over again. I think...(my thoughts only) this journey we are on is of our own and others that we interact with our own making. Everything that happens is spun my man's free will. And of course I do believe in the "ONE." :) Sandyz
from fightn4life :
I think everything has to do with Karma. Right? Sandyz
from realthoughts :
thanks. I like that you sign your old name sometimes...I may have to do that too...
from realthoughts :
that first line should've read: your last entry reminded me of Atlas Shrugged and Dagny's discovery of "paradise" in....
from realthoughts :
Galt's Gulch. though it is a fictional place, I'm sure many objectivists long for a place like this to be created, and probably some have even discussed founding a place as such. I read the book and almost hoped for a single community where I too, could be surrounded and live according to an overwhelmingly guiding principle. though the overwhelming principle of objectivism and Christianity are vastly different, but they both are ideals to live by, no matter how crazy they may sound to others. leave the idealistics alone - they just want something to live by. :)
from fightn4life :
There is so much more to life...if we had the time to mulitask it all in. Sigh... I agree. I went out to dinner tonight and left my cell phone in my Blazer...it felt odd. Came home and got on the computer while watching shows I taped while out, talked to my daughter in Florida, and checked e-mail. All within 4 min of coming through the door. Is this a sorry life or not. Sandyz
from realthoughts :
you seem to have had a lot of non-profit jobs that you hated and then quit... :) is it just that you hate working, or that you hate the non-profit business world?
from masala- :
I don't think there is anything you can say to people who think things like that. Clearly they are incapable of rational thought, thus making any kind of discussion with them pointless. It's best just to ignore them and pray they don't pass that kind of thinking onto their children. (What self-respecting woman would want to reproduce with a man who thought like that, though? Ew.)
from dannyboyk2 :
Re 10/12/05: You seem to run into these people too frequently. Why do you bother?
from janitor-x :
Oh, the sex comment was meant in a very literal Darwinian sense. As in, those who don't like to have sex will be out-competed (in one generation) by those who do. As for the desire to reproduce, I don't get it either, but that wasn't my point. Maybe I should have said "is logically consistent" instead of "makes sense". Oh well.
from realthoughts :
you got your pictures working!
from dannyboyk2 :
If you do end up in hell, I'll see you there.
from janitor-x :
Since I'm not married I can't say anything meaningful about your wondering. But I can say with full certainty you're not hell-bound, or at least if you are, then I am too, because I wonder about everything that could have been. And massive props for the Nick Drake lyrics.
from realthoughts :
you're not headed to hell. :) you're realistic. and that's why I look up to you and why I respect you, especially when it comes to y'alls marriage. I've been wondering about that too - when is this going to become boring, since it inevitably will? but I guess that is what we've gotten ourselves into, huh? :)
from realthoughts :
I know, I'm sorry - you are definitely the exception. and as I wrote in my comment about you, I think you have a DAMN good diary. :)
from realthoughts :
he he - yeah for brazillians!
from dannyboyk2 :
Also, I disagree strongly with janitor-x when s/he writes, "don't question it!" I always suggest questioning every medical move your doctor makes. Sometimes the best, or only, way to learn about what's going on with yourself is to ask questions! I've found that most medical professionals are glad, never mind obligated, to talk to their patients about any questions they have. If you find that isn't the case, consider switching doctors.
from dannyboyk2 :
Hmm... it's not necessarily weird. "Drugs.com," a website I genuinely trust when dealing with my own medication issues, states, "[Valium] is also used to treat certain types of seizure disorders and muscle spasms." Is it possible your problem falls under muscle spasms? I, myself, have never taken valium, so I can't comment on what it's like, and besides, if I've learned anything from medication, it's that individual people react to each medication differently. I hope it works out for the best.
from janitor-x :
Sounds weird to me too, but don't question it! And it will help you relax, which might help your back if it's tension-related.
from realthoughts :
thanks. :) love, your BFF
from realthoughts :
huh? your entry? it that about me? what? I really hope not, because if so, I'm really confused.
from basal :
I think that many people make it that far because they've learned how to not think for themselves, and how to just spew out whatever the educational system wants them to, just to pass. But not all of them.
from janitor-x :
My tentative thesis title is "the prion protein fragment PrP23-144 as a model for prion-based modes of inheritance". We'll see how long that one lasts...this laboratory is anything but democratic. You should be glad that your advisor is pushing you toward deciding on a topic, however...mine has been trying to keep me from writing. Or so it seems.
from realthoughts :
on the contrary, I thought you'd be glad to know that I still and always think for myself and am not easily persuaded by my surroundings. :)
from realthoughts :
i hope this note didn't sound mean...I really didn't mean it that way. i was typing this with a smile on my face...you're still and always my best friend! :)
from realthoughts :
oh my gosh, you're jumping on the "let's blame the president for everything bad to ever to happen in the world" bandwagon! you're better than that! :) the president just tries to do what he thinks the people want. maybe he screws it up, but he tries to do what's best. people want to spend millions of dollars on aid that people need, and that money has to come from somewhere - and any and every organization that gets its money cut is going to revolt and think its a personal attack against. life sucks like that. sorry. yes, I, TOO have significant student loans...maybe even more than you. there's too many students out there - this will not pass. still, I just think it's funny that you immediatley think that it's really some secret plot to dis-educate america so that they can control them better. ha ha ha - you're listening to your husband and his conspiracy theories too much! :) I love you though!!! :) and I can't wait to see you in like a week - I think we might end up staying the night as we pass through.
from dinahsoar :
That is so unbelievable (except that nothing is really unbelievable anymore). I hope the phonecalls change the situation.
from janitor-x :
Thanks for the compliment. I concur with the person below who said you sound like a brilliant person in rather un-brilliant company.
from dannyboyk2 :
It was concern. I attempted to ask a question that might either A. help you to recognize that you were in a cynical funk, if you hadn't... B. help you to acknowledge things in your life that did make you content.
from realthoughts :
thanks best friend. :)
from dannyboyk2 :
What does content you?
from realthoughts :
you are my best friend. you have known me for 8 years. I'm never home anymore - when I get home, I crash. you switched phone services and I'm already way over my minutes. I can't check email here at school during my lunch break, yahoo is blocked. (this is why I'm posting a note) I CAN check email on my phone - but I can't reply. I am not avoiding you. :) I will email you tonight, or call you this weekend. and I get to see you in 2 weeks!!!!
from ericboy :
Thanks for the note on my diary. I read a couple of your entries, and you seem very intelligent... and in very ignorant surroundings. Sorry to hear that. That's why I left Texas. Good luck in your life. I'll add you to my profile.
from realthoughts :
hey thanks - so now I'm just a random favorite diary of yours...I feel the love... :)
from rainforme :
in a way, i am glad for it. i went to the beach and was riding my bike behind this guy who must have been in his late thirties and he was drinking a 40, with bleached hair and ass crack showing and i thought to myself... well, perhaps it's good to grow out of partying, you know? i suppose we're "growing up". bleh.
from iamyourjune :
I'm feeling the same way, but I've learned that shutting yourself out is only going to make you feel worse. You can't control who calls you, you can only control who you call. I know it sounds sappy, but push yourself to call and go out with people... otherwise you will only feel worse. :o/ Hang in there, all feelings are like waves, they rise, peak and fade away.
from dannyboyk2 :
Hmmm... I thought I knew it. You could try [email protected]
from rainforme :
i just did. i was in vegas! it would have been awesome... sorry i missed you guys.
from rainforme :
i'll host a picture for you. just e-mail it to me. then you can post it without using stupid d-land.
from dinahsoar :
You are two classes away from an MA in theology? That is so awesome!
from dannyboyk2 :
Try writing andrew an email explaining your situation--you've paid for a gold account, and you deserve its full functionality. Until that is resolved, you can email me photos at [email protected] and I'll host them for you and send you the links.
from dannyboyk2 :
How long have you had your gold account? If diaryland continues to be stingy concerning uploads, I could gladly host images/photographs/whatever for you, either here at diaryland, or using my duke webspace.
from dannyboyk2 :
re(8-22-05): I believe that "what to do" has something to do with the intricate inter-relation of fear, value, and outcome. Let's devise an outcome, say: verbal abuse from her. For example, do you fear verbal abuse from her? If not, then proceed with your actions. If you fear it, what value is the fear based in? (Do you fear losing money? Do you fear damaging your pride? Your reputation? Do you fear for your life?) Is the value in balance with the realistic outcome?
from rainforme :
u don't show up and make that bitch clean her own counter.
from dannyboyk2 :
"Knowing" what or how to think may come slowly, should it come at all. My service trip to Ghana three years ago yielded many things, such as service, sights, and thoughts. It did not yield communication with my friends back in America about those things. It did not yield insight.
from rainforme :
ha, u sound like i did when i got back from thailand. isn't perspective a bitch sometimes?
from fightn4life :
I would be fascinated to hear about your trip. What it was like, the people, culture, what you experienced. How you were received, how you felt around the people from Kenya what a trip to log into your diary. I for one would be a committed reader. Sandyz
from dannyboyk2 :
REVISIONS!!!!!!!!
from rainforme :
hiiiiiii. welcome back.
from fightn4life :
Welcome home...glad you enjoyed the large rolls. Just another thing to be thankful for as hubby hasn't figured out how to add a new roll. Sandyz :)
from mangotuesday :
you are so darling.
from basal :
sadly, living in a house with four guys we go through a roll a day in excessive waste
from dinahsoar :
Tell me everything! No, really. EVERYTHING! I've missed you. (and, yes, those double roll Charmin are something to savor!)
from rainforme :
are you back yet? sheesh.
from fightn4life :
I found your diary through one of my favorites. Very captivating. I hope you do not mind me adding you to my favorites. Your gift of expression is awesome. I back tracked through your diary and connected. Thanks for sharing your thoughts, I look forward to new entries and pacing back through your past journeys. . Sandyz
from realthoughts :
are you back yet?? I miss you. :(
from dinahsoar :
Glad to hear you're okay and have Michael Bolton for company. That was a nice, personal touch. It really set the scene. My prayers follow you into the Sudan. Be well, my friend.
from dinahsoar :
Have a wonderful & inspiring time. I really liked today's entry. I agree that friends are not bound by time & space. Looking forward to hearing from you when you return with new adventures to tell.
from rainforme :
i'll miss you too! stay safe.
from feesticka :
take care -- can't wait to hear from you upon your return.
from masala- :
Happy trails. *grin*
from rainforme :
have a meaningful time... and make sure to update.
from realthoughts :
I think others deaths make us upset because we don't want to think of ourselves ever dying and becoming pointless.
from invisibledon :
thanks for stopping by
from rainforme :
so with you on your recent entry... and as to practicality... i think i used the wrong word. the def of it gets murky in my brain, but the feeling of the word works... you know? anywho, wrote another essay on it. this is fun. cheerio.
from dinahsoar :
Interesting entry today. It made me wonder what each world offers that the other doesn't.
from rainforme :
law school, sudan, married, phd, ethics... do you ever say those words out loud and think about how important and i don't know, how weighty they sound? and yet, if you're like me, we never apply the importance of the things we do or have done to ourselves. this is coming out weird, but i just wanted to say you're cool and an impressive chick. rock on.
from basal :
go for it please
from dannyboyk2 :
I understand that sometimes, you just have to do certain things. I also understand that sometimes you don't. We're here to support you in your decision, regardless of what your choice is. Love, dan.
from zoela :
You're safer there than in any major U.S. city, where you're more likely to be the victim of a violent crime. The people who tell you to come back alive probably haven't been there themselves. I went to Israel and my plane wasn't hijacked and I didn't get bombed or kidnapped by terrorists. Be brave and enjoy yourself. You'll be fine.
from dinahsoar :
The kalaidescope of feelings you describe are normal. It sounds like spirit dialoging with flesh and, of course, it is perfectly normal. I am inspired by your courage and your hesitations as well. If it were easy, it would not carry the significance and sacrifice that it does. My prayers are with you.
from masala- :
Just be safe, and have a good time. It's such an amazing thing to go do! :)
from rainforme :
heh. girl, no worries. i know.
from rainforme :
i'd kill for a 27 waist! shut up.
from rockboy :
i've been told that i have reckless abandonment more than cost benefit analysis, but i thank you and love you for seeing it in a positive light. :O)
from realthoughts :
speaking of our intolerant background...the song that you listed "we are one in the spirit, we are one in the Lord"? do you remember senior year in high school in bible class when we went through that book about 'evil' worldviews? and how cosmic humanism supposedly believes that 'all is one' and that we were supposed to stay away from that new age thinking?? I just thought of that while reading your entry for some reason...and it made me laugh, though I know that wasn't the point of your entry at all. :)
from iamyourjune :
have you heard his new stuff? june 21st... can't wait. :o)
from zoela :
:) glad.
from dinahsoar :
I love the songs you printed. Actually, the first one is the prayer of St. Francis of Assisi. And the second is one we sang in the Catholic church in the seventies. They are very beautiful, reverent and simple but profound (like the gospel itself). I have that St. Francis prayer on my bedroom wall. I also love his admonition to "preach the gospel everywhere you go ... use words when necessary". Witnessing with our lives seems more attractive than the sledgehammer technique that some churches seem to promote.
from zoela :
You're not a narc if you prevent another's life from being ruined. The boy he sexually abused is permanently scarred. To not intervene is to say it's okay. By just making sure the school is aware of it, you'll be giving the students at your school the same fair warning as your husband gave to you because he wanted you to be safe. I would want to know.
from dinahsoar :
It is wonderful that you have such a supportive, sensitive & caring husband. As for the moral dilhemma, wow, that's really hard. He must know that he is on the list (I presume), so I don't know if he would have shared the information with school, etc.). I live in California, where they have to run fingerprints if you are going to be working with kids. I don't know in Florida. I can understand your struggle with this.
from rainforme :
i just deleted that entry and i have no idea why. but, yeah, 80% possible i'll move back there.
from realthoughts :
who? would I know this person? weird...I wouldn't know what to do either.
from keeds :
well then there shouldn't be any problem..cheerio, Guvnah
from rainforme :
wha? i care. even if you don't know html. ;)
from iamyourjune :
thanks :o) you know what's crazy? i just switched templates from the one you are using... hah. great minds think alike!
from rockboy :
of your diary....
from rockboy :
i'm flattered that you have read/will keep reading. as i read more and more entries, i'm becoming a bigger fan :O)
from keeds :
you probably think i update huh
from rainforme :
hah, that's a happy thought. i'm getting wrinkled and closer to death. ;)
from dannyboyk2 :
Scars may tell us where we've been, and can help us to understand where we are, but I believe that it is we who determine where we are going--not our pasts. As for moles and freckles... well, they're just part of the package. ^_^
from rainforme :
hah! i always thought people who seemed perfect were freaks. do you think it has something to do with the unattainable? like fantasies... we always want what we can't have, the grass is greener thing, etc. i dunno, i love people's imperfections but i strive to destroy my own. weird thing.
from inthepresent :
If you mean "real love" as in love for everyone, then I agree. But I don't think we should sacrifice all that we are for just one person or one romantic love. In my opinion, there are many more people we need to include. About your entry on imperfections...brilliantly insightfully true. There's a line in one of Ani Difranco's songs where she says, "My face is just a trace of where I'm comin' from." Your entry immediately brought it to mind. Not to mention she also has a CD titled "Imperfectly". Thought I'd share that factoid...
from dinahsoar :
Ever catch your own reflection in a glass and not realize it's you and find yourself attractive? Now that's cool!
from rockboy :
i'm pretty sure i'm goign to have more questions that i started with... next year.
from realthoughts :
I meant 'without' having gone through the crazy stuff...
from realthoughts :
aww...I wasn't really being serious about taking away my comment...I would not be who I am today with having gone through all the past 8 crazy years together either... sniff, sniff :)
from realthoughts :
so you take away the comment about me on your profile...now I'm just another of the random diaries you like...and after all we've been through...boy, do I feel the love... j/k :)
from rainforme :
work's good. i just got back from vegas and i am so sick. ugh. loved the imperfection entry. i think perfection is boring. yet we all strive towards it... why?
from masala- :
Nothing happens today. I'm just a mean person and enjoy seeing other people being unhappy.
from dinahsoar :
I loved your insights about imperfections. They are maybe like travel stickers on our suitcases en route to our final destinations. Having been insecure all my life, I can relate to everything you said & am trying to embrace myself as well. How 'bout a group hug?
from keeds :
i'm not sure you should be secretly peeking if i'm secretly writing.. one of us should pretend we're approaching.. i'll see what i can do
from dinahsoar :
Your courage is not only inspiring, but very awakening to me. The kinds of issues I face are so dwarfed by your entry (like getting publically questioned about whether or not it is appropriate for a therapist to wear a cross, etc., blah, blah, blah). You are putting everything on the line for your beliefs & I am very humbled by it. Thanks for the wake up call.
from dinahsoar :
Thank you for your candor & for sharing your struggle with this 'form' called a diary. I am brand new to this, but the thought of this netherworld where I can attempt to express my innermost thoughts in complete 'public privacy' is compelling. You are inspiring.
from masala- :
I think mother nature is definitely a bitter single gal, and she came up with mothers-in-law to get back at women who fall in love.
from basal :
hi
from masala- :
I think that everyone is constantly being misunderstood. Every day, people take their perceptions of you and form judgements, and sometimes they're good perceptions/judgements, and sometimes they're not. At least with a journal, you have some ability to control how people perceive you, you can use your own voice and have the opportunity to explain yourself, to shape how others view you. If someone misunderstands you, it only gives you another reason to keep writing.
from masala- :
Me, too! :D
from rainforme :
heh, you poor thing. it's over now right? props to you and grad school. i lack the ghetto superstar will power.
from feesticka :
Lol. Have a highly caffinated beverage and giver, baby! I'm still "working" too, as you can see by my copious amounts of dland notes. Try "freewriting" (google it) as a way to get you out of the 4am writers block syndrome. Can't wait to see how it turns out. Good luck! (Now stop reading this and get back to WORK!).:-)
from feesticka :
Finish your paper, girl! You can do it!
from rainforme :
i think... well... i think that going away made me a softy again and to that, well, good and bad. married must be nice. :)
from rainforme :
thanks, but really... blegh! it's like brushing your teeth with candy.
from inthepresent :
Thank you for the compliment. I've read a few of your entries so far and it's amazing how revealing your most recent entry--100 things--is. I will definitely be reading more...
from rainforme :
thanks for sharing... and i like the way you did it.
from zoela :
It's just one of those songs...
from realthoughts :
what's wrong with stating the obvious? I mean, if you are obviously the only female in the room and everyone knows it - why not ease any tension or uncertianity in dealing with the situation through humor??
from feesticka :
two words: Unenlightened Jerk.
from feesticka :
Sudan -- Wow. That will be the experience of a lifetime. Can't wait to hear all about it!
from realthoughts :
ha ha - if you just had your period last week, you're probably not pregnant. :) but check out leftunspoken's diary - she is... :)
from rainforme :
happy birthday... sorry it wasn't better for you.
from realthoughts :
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! Let me know when you recieve my present...and if you'll actually use it... I hope so - I would. :)
from realthoughts :
I totally forgot to ask about your haircut while we were IM'ing today - I'm such a total jerk of a best friend! :( how do you like it? what's it look lie? is it cute?
from rainforme :
me too! i want the address too. can't you just pack a few undies and wash them as you go? a clothesline is essential! check out throwingjuly's diary... i think she's in russia teaching... good stuff.
from realthoughts :
um...OBVIOUSLY I want to know the address to your travel journal. :)
from rainforme :
"turn and face the strain" of a new haircut? hehe... dork, i know. hope it goes well.
from zoela :
I did it because there are a couple people I've known through dland for over 2 years now (!) and I felt it was time to reveal my face to people who know me better than my own mother by now. When other people share their photos I feel honored. Photos prove we exist beyond words. It brings diarist and reader closer. Like we're a bunch of cuddly pen pals showing off our favorite things, letting each other take turns seeing through our eyes. It's quaint.
from rainforme :
huh, yeah, no shit. i think someone needs to tell us to take a chill pill.
from masala- :
I like that one. :)
from masala- :
I think you need a new motto. I wish I had some good suggestions, but I've never really had one, so...
from rainforme :
haha... i meant more than mediocre. what would be better? more than or less than? at least both wouldn't be mediocre. i hate that word, it's like medi-ogre.
from rainforme :
you're getting into an experience of a lifetime and something that will make you feel less than mediocre... at least for awhile.
from completeliar :
eye leyeck yuoar taesd en muescik
from rainforme :
w. somerset maugham. your entry before last... yeah, me too. they were building a school in the hill tribe area and the guy we were traveling with stayed there to help and all i could think about were parasites and lice and scabies. i suck. chiang rai is charming, the town is cute, i checked out both universities, the new and old. nice, but sudan might be more of an accomplishment. push it. you know you'll feel good that you did.
from zoela :
My destination is a surprize until I return. But here's a hint: Sand.
from masala- :
You didn't sound like a snob. :)
from zoela :
Sudan. You can save Darfur and be my personal hero.
from rainforme :
thailand!! though, it will be the rainy season. heading up to chiang rai as i type... i'll let you know how it is.
from tiffanyg3331 :
Thailand. I will be going in the fall. I am sure it is better than Sudan....maybe just safer.
from dannyboyk2 :
The question remains, do women want to be "be fucked" or do they want to do the fucking, themselves?
from dannyboyk2 :
As far as granting an individual the validity of his/her religious experience... I don't know. This, again, ties into my struggle to understand/accept pluralism. As far as that entry is concerned, I was very upset when I wrote it, and didn't care either way. It's a good thing I'm not a Christian--I wouldn't be able to handle the forgiveness thing very well.
from rainforme :
amen!
from masala- :
No, I was just corroborating...
from masala- :
I like having sex quite a lot... (I'm a woman.)
from ariadne518 :
hey, thanks for suggesting the arcade fire - i'm on my way to corporate bookstore today and I will see if I can listen/buy. I'll take your word for it. And thanks re: my africa pictures. What were you doing in East Africa? I want to go there soon -
from zoela :
Oh my freaking god. They cannot be serious. I didn't know we could move back in time quite so rapidly. What country are we in again? I am thisclose to abandoning ship. Canada anyone?
from rainforme :
teflintl.com, under specials, rural thai program. if you have more questions, e-mail me. be glad to fill you in on all details. if you want it though, you have a job... here, at my school. two bedroom house, two positions open. no need for TEFL certs, you just need your BA. the kids are phenomenal.
from dannyboyk2 :
I did? *blinks* When did that happen?
from realthoughts :
hmm...good point re: nihlism. I don't really know if I'm a nihlist - I didn't even know what this philosophy meant. my point, like I think you've been alluding to in recent entries, is that I don't think I can ever believe in any religion or philsophy to its full extenet (i.e. nihlism)...and therefore I often choose to be ignorant of each's beliefs (i.e. not knowing what nihlism was)...however, I do think that I'M RIGHT for thinking that there is no inherent right or wrong...not that I'm inherently right in thinking this, but that I think I'm right - and I think everyone else thinks they are right (in whatever they think about anything) too.
from rainforme :
thanks, as soon as i get back into an english speaking nation i'll get that and heidegger. how funny, we both went to public school to "rebel", me more against the system... i was lucky enough to have non-Christian parents. Imagine the horror of my teachers. Nice entry... I've had similar viewpoints.
from realthoughts :
to what extent do you believe in evolution? and when did this happen?
from dannyboyk2 :
I liked your entry on christianity and pluralism a lot. As an atheist, I myself am trying to find a way to incorporate pluralism into my beliefs, but am having a difficult time. Do you remember realthoughts's entry on how she thought she herself was right, and didn't see how anyone could not think s/he was right, in turn? To me, the counter to that could be pluralism--I'm just having so much difficulty being able to fully wrap my mind around it in order to write about it. Do you remember dannyboyk2's entry on "I don't think I'm right, but I could be wrong."?
from realthoughts :
there's no point for this message other than to say that you are my best friend and you've seen me through a lot of times and I'm sorry that sometimes it seems like we are drifting appart. I never want to drift apart. as we've both come to realize, growing up is hard and often lonley - and though we may be a thousand miles away and doing completely different things with our lives - thank you for always being my best friend and being one of maybe two other people who I feel I can always count on to go through life with me. I'm sorry I write things in my diary before I tell you (though I'm now even writting this note in here, huh?), but know that you are the only person who knows me both in the real life world and in this strange diary world. I will ALWAYS be here for you and know that you will always be there for me. Growing up and apart is hard, but I really never want to be out of each other's lives - ok? :) You are my best friend and I love you as such and I know that we will be each other's children's godparents one day! ha ha - our poor kids! :)
from rainforme :
heya... i'm inviting you to liquidverbiage.com (my other site) and i think you would enjoy defiancenow.com, one of my friends. please, post as much as you like, i love finding intelligent people online and swapping ideas. cheers.
from lilpeanut80 :
I LOVE living in Asia. I definately recommend that you and your husband give Thailand a try. :o) ckb
from rainforme :
excellent entry... categories are so damn restrictive and dividing... i hate them and feel as you do. so glad you found my diary. us 1%ers got to stick together. having pad thai for lunch. cheers.
from rainforme :
ok and really, not to stalk you... but i am an INFJ as well and, since we're on the topic, so was jesus. how you like them apples?
from rainforme :
because not many people know that it's possible to seperate jesus from christianity.
from rainforme :
i'm sorry, i got distracted in the comp lab and didn't really answer your note properly. thanks for the compliment, of course i don't mind you reading. yes, please come to thailand! they need english teachers desperately, though chang rai and up north are sort of inundated since it's so touristy... but there are many beautiful places other than up north. take care.
from rainforme :
sure thing. i enjoy your thoughts on things and i dig your layout. will add you as a fav, if you're obliged to permit it?
from realthoughts :
but yeah...ahh...the belltower. I too reminisced our strange, yet now non-existant, freshman tradition when I was on campus visiting you last month...
from realthoughts :
and as always, the inevitable question leads us to: then what DOES matter?
from dannyboyk2 :
But... if the belltower doesn't matter...
from zoela :
Whoa--what? They admitted to rigging the election?
from ohsodarling :
thanks for that note; father-pleasing is a hard thing. it's good to know someone knows how it is, i needed that.
from zoela :
Could it be? A like mind? Try being 24 going on 25. Curiouser and curiouser.
from feesticka :
Tx for the note, and yes, please read away. Loved your semi treatise on grad school, and your sentiments on the nature of friendship for those in their 20s. Will add you as a fav, if your are amenable to that.
from realthoughts :
I'm glad we can be elitist best friends together... :)
from dannyboyk2 :
Stanley Hauerwas? I haven't heard of him, actually, but I imagine that he's a fantastic teacher if you're recommending him.
from ohsodarling :
23, almost 24 must be a lot like 14, almost 15. I really like your diary, you have good taste in music too. ♥ Kels p.s. Mind if I add you?
from dannyboyk2 :
After a long hiatus, she returns. :-) Welcome back. I look forward to hearing from you more--I've missed your writing!
from realthoughts :
you need to check out the decemberists. seriously. you'll like them, i think.
from dannyboyk2 :
I don't know you, yet I don't think you can reasonably say that you are an "angry person" or a "greedy person" or a "not very empathetic person." We are what we make of ourselves--we interpret a neutral realtity to our likings and see things such as selfish, or angry, or emathetic. Actually I disagree with what I just typed--I believe that empathy transcends humanity, and that we can only involve our selves with empathy by involving ourselves with other humans... but I'm going to have an entry up on this topic later this week, where I can explain it much more clearly. ^_^
from realthoughts :
hmm...that's really interesting about your dream...
from dannyboyk2 :
I'm not sure I agree that solitude is necessary for reconciliation/atonement. Can you further defend the position?
from realthoughts :
oh my god, how are you gonna read all those books - that's insane!! i've actually heard of the blank slate though - let me know how it turns out if you actually get a chance to read it!!
from primessa :
That backdrop makes me want to climb a tree...
from stundesign :
I was just visiting and I realized it's your birthday. Happy 23rd!! :)
from dannyboyk2 :
I concur. Also, thank you for adding me to your favourites list! It truly means a lot to me.
from fredthebear :
is that nico in your favorite band list the same band that sings the song yamahog?
from dannyboyk2 :
actually, now that you mention it, I think the latter does better express what I was looking for. "...who wanted to tell a story that would begin 'happily ever after,'"... That's the kind of story I'd like to be able to tell.
from primessa :
Dont give in to the idiots guide.
from realthoughts :
i miss you so much!!! :( things are better now - i don't think i'm fired and they let me drive again, but it's still awkard. i'm fixin to write you a long email right now!
from elipsis :
i'm not crushed... but thanks for your concern! i will be out of hibernation, soon... just too much newness to absorb and make sense of before i can really organize thoughts into sentences, you know?
from fredthebear :
you got it please keep updating so i can keep reading :-)
from realthoughts :
hey, you haven't updated in quite awhile...
from realthoughts :
I love the new layout! seriously, you are the coolest best friend anyone can have! who cares if you or anyone else likes what you write, don't write for anyone, just write to write. I don't know if you got my super long email today or not, but I couldn't survive without you and I hope you start feeling happier soon - it's just that god-awful town you're living in - it does it to the best of us! :)
from equivocally :
thank you, thank you thank you. I'm feeling really appreciative today maybe it's because I haven't had chocolate for 3 days. :) Seriously, thank you and take care. xx
from realthoughts :
your 'open hands to the winds' reminds me of Eccelescaties (the book in the Bible - I can't spell it). I also see you joined the philosophers diaryring...cool.
from realthoughts :
California sucks without you, too!! :(
from realthoughts :
I changed my "opinion" of your diary...you might want to go see. by the way, why were you looking at my profile in the first place? hasn't that gotten us into trouble before? :) (you know, I don't really care if you read it anymore, just as long as I don't know you do! :))

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