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messages to shadesofblk:
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from allykitty5 :
can i have your username and pw? thanks
from raymondasusu :
Dear Please contact me on raymondasusu100@yahoo.fr for a special gift item. Raymond.
from tathagres :
I tried to leave a note at the new place but it isn't working :(. Glad you're doing better, and am thinking of you. As for my not driving - its simply that I never learned how. I was having lessons and close to getting there a few years back when I was living with my mum, but when she moved overseas had no access to a car and the money was tight (espially as I'd lent so much to her) so the driving lessons went by the wayside. Anyway I'm getting there now.. Have teh car, am doing more every day. Just have to practice more in the manual as I still have a tendancy to stall when someone pulls up close bhind me at an intersection and scowls at my L plate.
from h2ophobic :
I just tried to read your diary and got the locked info. May I have the username & password? Thanks!
from rebeckajane :
I'm sorry things are not working out that well for you yet and I'll keep my fingers crossed that work comes your way. Take care of you girlie xo
from h2ophobic :
I just woke up, so my brain is functioning at 100% (does it ever?) Does this entry mean you want to move back? I'm sorry if things are not working out.
from tathagres :
*hugs* I'm sorry things are rough right now.. hang in there, and take care
from just2cusmile :
ughhhh i hate when that happens...grrrrr
from h2ophobic :
Oh yeah...I have (more than once) spilled my guts to someone only to find that they weren't listening. The worst part is when they look at you and ask "were you talking to me?" I think that's why I write in DL...the notes and comments show that someone is listening and even (gasp) interested in what I have to say.
from rebeckajane :
yes..
from rebeckajane :
Hey girl..first of all I don't think there is anything wrong with the way you write..I'm the same, I sometimes come across all higgeldy piggledy, here there and everywhere but in the end all that matters is that you have expressed what you want to express. Glad things are settling down a little for you :)
from h2ophobic :
I remember how hard it was to make friends when we moved here. It took awhile and I admit that I "settled" with one or two. I mean I hung out with them even though we didn't really click, just to avoid being lonely. But eventually I met people who were like me and that I truly enjoyed being around. Small town people are pretty clicky, even though they appear to be friendly. It takes awhile. Good luck!
from tathagres :
g;ad you're writing again :D As for the "in sikness and in helth" bit - I am detmerined to make sure thats in our vows just to make the point. He has a deep fear that he may get cancer again. Its not like h'e paranoid but its always there in the back of his mind. He once asked me if I'd still love him, if they had amputed his leg, instead of just taking the thigh bone out and putting a prosthesis in. My answer was that I love him for him.. not his leg. I hate that he was so ill and that I wasn't there for him then. His stories from that time break my heart. I am going into this knowing that he is probably at a slightly higher risk of cancer than the average person. and he will probably have problems with his hip replacement when he gets older. Its just not a reason to leave him. Or avoid involvement in the first place. The only issue for me is the infertility issue.. and even with that, as hard as it is to face the likelihood of having no more children, I'm still here with him, about to get married in 4 weeks. So don't stress.. the right person will love you regardless of all of that. They may have their own issues. But they won't be frightened that you have a past, or health issues, or anything else. Because the person you are is what will be important to them. *hugs*
from rebeckajane :
I'm no doctor but I'm pretty sure boys can get URI's. I'm the same as you..it's a trust thing. I hope things improve for you..hugs girl
from h2ophobic :
I'm sorry. I grew up without a dad too, so I get what you're saying about your kids. Whenever there was a father/daughter type thing going on...I was home with my grandmother. Have you considered the Big Brother program? I admit, I've never known a child who was in it, but I have known several men who were Big Brothers. Good luck and give yourself a hug from me!
from rebeckajane :
I just want to hug you..oh and then maybe eat alot of chocolate..and while we are at it we should have a girlie night..stay at home with a bottle o baileys and some good chick flicks..vent..laugh..giggle..or go out on the town..either either.. =)
from tathagres :
I'm glad you're all doing well :D
from h2ophobic :
Oh yeah...I forgot about the California transplant thing. We encountered that here too. It takes awhile for people to warm up. I hope people warm up to you soon. Those that don't...you probably wouldn't like them anyway. Judgemental, unfriendly people live everywhere...even small towns!
from h2ophobic :
I'm glad you're all there safe and sound. I hope your kids adapt well (and you too) to your new area. Shelby also wears those cute T-shirts. My favorite one reads "I'm the one that got away." I don't understand why people feel the need to judge - especially young people. I hope your daughter finds some GOOD friends who will boost her self esteem. Shelby HATED middle school, but is truly in love with high school (so far.)
from tathagres :
I'm glad the move went well.. I've been thinking of you. *hugs*
from rebeckajane :
I'm glad the move went well. I'm sure you will all be fine . Remember, it's not brave if you are not scared. :) hugs girl
from tathagres :
I hope our move is going well and you're all settled soon.. Take care and *hugs*
from h2ophobic :
I got your email. (Sad face) your new home is 8 hours away. (Happy face) that is probably MUCH closer to me than where you are now. I hope you're feeling much better and are ready to move. Good luck and be safe!
from tathagres :
*hugs* and am hoping you get to 100% soon and feel better and the move goes well :) And belated Happy Valentines Day..
from h2ophobic :
I hope you're feeling better. BTW I didn't get an email from you. I did get an email from (I think) philcase, but deleled it because I didn't recognize the name and there wasn't anything in the description line. Was that you? If so, sorry! Please send it again and put shadesofblk as the description, ok? Thanks!
from h2ophobic :
I just wanted to drop by and leave you a hug! Good luck on your move. I hope you find the life you're looking for! P.S. I'm still wondering where in ID you're headed to.
from rebeckajane :
You've been through much over the years and I'm sure you will make it through this. Good luck with the move and it will be what you want it to be =) hugs girlie
from h2ophobic :
Yay! Where in ID are you moving? If you don't want to leave this info in notes...my email address is h20phobic@msn.com
from rebeckajane :
That entry made me smile..if ever I get married again.. I want to have the same smile when I look at him 20 years down the track, I think you know what I mean :)
from tathagres :
thankyou for your care and kind words. it means a lot. *hugs*
from h2ophobic :
I was just thinking about you, so I stopped by to say HI.
from rebeckajane :
I agree with Carolyn on everything she said, that is a terrible burden to carry around with you and one you should not have to. You need to forgive yourself, you did not force him to end his life and by the sounds of it (no offence to your late husband) he had alot of issues. Blaming you for something you hadn't done (but eventually did) was his way of dealing with his issues. I wish I could hug you. I wish one single word myself, carolyn or anyone else says would help ease that burden, but it won't ease until you understand this wasn't your fault and that you need to forgive yourself for your mistake. Please don't spend the rest of your life with that shadow cast over you. Hugs girl xo
from h2ophobic :
Oh my, I am SO very sorry. I'm sorry you had to go through that and I'm sorry that you've had to carry that around with you for so long. I hope you find the help you need and I pray that you find a way to forgive yourself. How heavy this burden must have been. Let me be the first to say - you are only responsible for YOUR actions...your husband made HIS choice. Yes, things might have been different if he's made a different choice, but they might not have. The "if only" game is a cruel game. I play it often with Jeff's death too. "If only" we'd said this, or "if only" we'd done that. It NEVER brings a solution, only bitterness and devastation. You're a wonderful person, friend and mother...one mistake doesn't change that. I don't know one person who hasn't made a mistake...we're human. We screw up. Then we try to make the best of it. How I wish I was there to give you a hug and sit and just cry with you.
from tathagres :
*hugs*
from rebeckajane :
That was so well written girl, thank you.
from h2ophobic :
1/16/07 - AWESOME entry! Did you write that yourself? It's amazing!
from tathagres :
Thanks for the note :) and sorry livejournal has been a pain.. as for the dress _ I am just so relieved its done and bought and I can not think about it for a while. And thanks for liking it - I'm afctually nervous about how i look for hte first time in my life!!
from rebeckajane :
Happy New Year too you girlie xo
from tathagres :
a very belated Merry Christmas and an early Happy New year! Glad you are doing well :D *kisses*
from rebeckajane :
Hey girl, I'm glad the move went well and things are settling for the kids, I hope you feel better soon, Merry Christmas :)
from tathagres :
I'm glad you're all moved and doing well :)
from tathagres :
Hope you're doing well with your moving house and everything else in life. *hugs*
from h2ophobic :
Very cool. I'm so glad you're doing better!
from tathagres :
hoping you're ok, and have found a place to move, and that everything is alright *hugs*
from tathagres :
*hugs* - i am sorry i haven't been around much lately but i have been thinking of you *hugs*
from h2ophobic :
I'm sorry you're going through so much crap right now. I wish I had words of wisdom to share...but I don't. Trust yourself and your judgment...you've done a great job so far. HUG from MT!
from tathagres :
*hugs*
from rebeckajane :
You amaze me with your strength sometimes. By the way, I missed that "Boobs" entry, didn't you know they speak to our boobs because they have never ever seen boobs before? tee hee ;o)
from rebeckajane :
I'm glad you're ok too and hugs from me as well girlie :)
from tathagres :
I'm glad you're ok - but *hugs* anyway - just because your my friend and i love you :D
from rebeckajane :
The first thing I said when I woke yesterday was TGIF, infact I think I said it many times during the day. Now it's Saturday morning and I can feel the weekend is going to go all too fast. This year has gone so fast, it seems like only yesterday it was August and now it's almost November. Hope you are smiling tonight :)
from rebeckajane :
I hope all goes well with the plans..i've been told if ever I move to USA I should move to Colorado becasue it's a place I'd love. hugs :)
from rebeckajane :
Hi girlie, I've just been catching up on your diary and wanted to say hi, I'm glad you liked that little thing I found and even happier you have been feeling or at least opening yourself up to happiness..you deserve it :) hugs
from tathagres :
*Hugs* - i am so sorry..
from tathagres :
*hugs* hope you are Ok - and thanks for the word. take care - am thinking of you
from tathagres :
hang in there - I feel for you with the migraines, you poor thing! Take care, and get well. *hugs*
from tathagres :
*hugs* - migraines are terrible terrible things... take care of oyurself. I usually use paracetamol, codeine, and sometimes a prescription drug called cafergot which you take at onset. If I drug myself fast enough and get into a dark oom, I can get it down to half a day instead of 2 or 3.. take care.
from tathagres :
am hoping you're OK - haven't heard from you in a while..
from tathagres :
I think you feel how you feel, be it betrayal or deceit (or both), and you shouldn't need to justify that to anyone.. *hugs*
from tathagres :
glad you're smiling, and hope you're OK *hugs*
from tathagres :
*hugs* - Iknow what you say, when you say none of the reasons make sense.. take care. I have news.. but not for today. I can't quite tell anyone today.
from rebeckajane :
Maybe they should have a try before you buy marriage? tee hee
from rebeckajane :
Thankyou :) I'm a Ms too, and I'm with you on wondering why people automatically question your single status and you have to explain. I even have people giving me sympathy because i'm single and some, when they hear the reasons i choose to be single say "oh" , others are with me all the way. We're an odd bunch, us humans ;o)
from rebeckajane :
You're have such a beautiful soul ..hugs
from tathagres :
*hugs*
from h2ophobic :
Here's a big hug from Montana. Sometimes life sucks and then you have to go to bed and wake up to a better day. I hope today is that better day for you!
from rebeckajane :
as I do with you..hugs girlie
from h2ophobic :
Montana? Did I read that you're considering moving to Montana? I know someone in Montana ;-). Let me know if you want Chamber of Commerce or local newspaper type stuff. The schools are good (I'm a little prejudiced) but the housing costs are moving into ridiculous. The scenery is lovely, the people are (mostly) friendly. The winters do tend to be brutal, but if you don't hate cold weather and snow...it's doable.
from tathagres :
thnakyou for your love and care, and support.. your comment meant the world when i saw it this morning (althoughI'm keeping it screened for obvious reasons). You are so lovely and I am so glad to have you in my life.
from tathagres :
Thanks for the hug - I'm OK.. had 2 days work this week, so been a bit busy, but also just a bit introspective and just feeling like I have nothing new to say.. anyway *hugs*
from h2ophobic :
Thank you, thank you, thank you. I will put your # in my cell phone and the next time I feel totally alone...I will call. The lyrics that you posted are incredible. That is EXACTLY how I feel. Thanks again and a big HUG from MT.
from tathagres :
I ask him to marry me regularly, and i usually get a "maybe", "i think so" or "probably" in response. But you knew that already ;)
from tathagres :
i tried to sign your guestbook a few times... it hates me. Any,way *Biggest Higs* - hang in there and take care. sometimes life just does everything all wrong.
from rebeckajane :
i understand EVERYTHING you are saying..everything..sigh
from rebeckajane :
Oh yeah, and if you hadn't already guessed, this is my new diary xo Becka
from rebeckajane :
Blah, signmyguestbook is a real pain in the bahootie! I've tried to comment twice in the past couple of days, lucky for you I guess because one entry was long lol..to cut it all short I just want to say I'm sorry about your son and I hope it heals quick, happy birthday to your daughter and NO I don't think your expectations are too high.. hugs
from just2cusmile :
i havent found anything to really help with my fibro-just the same ole meds i've been on for years-they get me thru the days which im grateful for but i wanna be off of meds without pain :)
from camera-girl :
thx for the note :-)
from readthisline :
Thank you so much for yout comment. Hahha it's absolutely no problem, I've been quite enjoying myself. Hope you're better xx
from readthisline :
I hope your eye gets better. I've never had an eye infection, but I'm sure it's really painful. I hate it when guys try to change the way they are - becomming all egotistical and chauvinistic. Expecially when they realize you have a crush on them.. I enjoyed reading your diary. I really hope it works out for you xx
from h2ophobic :
Estrogen issues - so funny and so true!
from just2cusmile :
sunburn on the top of your feet is the worst-i feel for him and i hope it sets in quick! i think i would be legaly blind without my glasses-grrr-have a good week
from h2ophobic :
I had to laugh at the last line of your entry. What a mom thing to do...long for alone time, then regret that longing when you get it. I hope you ENJOY your alone time. Recharge your YOU batteries.
from just2cusmile :
HAPPY BELATED MOTHERS DAY TO YOU TOO!!
from just2cusmile :
Thanks for the note-i'll have to check out your diary and add you,Fibro isnt fun is it?! have a good weekend :)
from h2ophobic :
I added you to my buddy list...I hope that's OK
from danddteacher :
Thanks for the note!
from breatheasigh :
i tried to leave a message in your guestbook but it's not working, for me anyhow. i can relate in some way to what you wrote in your last entry. thank you for the comment and yes it's chocolate sundae all around :) i have put a link on my diary for my poetry.. hugs
from markslament :
Probably nothing that you can do... But thank you very much indeed for the lovely sentiment!
from officegal :
hey sorry i didnt get back very soon. i couldnt remember my password. yes i am religious. and i was raped, by a friend of years and years. also a ex. and i was drugged once...not sure what happened there. I am very safe now. but I still have trust issues. thanks for your support. I'll try to add you as fav. ps, my new name is m-fslut goldieknox03 idolducky and you-loved-me im not a slut, i just think its funny...:) happy holidays. i*ll try to read and catch up J
from grngrl75 :
Thanks for posting that story..It made me put some things in perspective...
from jason75 :
hahaha... love that story about your son and the birth... damn glad to be a man ... lovinglife.. stupid guestbook not working
from angelicscars :
♥ Just wanted to be the first to sign your notes!! I hope all is well!! ♥

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