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messages to sharpsecret:
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from anasinger327 :
Hey, I don't know if you remember me but I used to frequent DL and have now started returning to it more regularly. I used to read you and I'm glad that you still update, even if things are rough for you right now. much love. <3
from pollys-pins :
OMG only just read ur diary - why didn't you tell me! Could come see you at 1/2 term?
from neeeeek :
Don't ya ever give up, ever surrender yourself. Forbidden it is. yadda yadda
from just-fine :
I am so sorry things are so hard :(, wish i could take it all away. God, we have been sick for way too long haven't we? Will text you later on at a more reasonable time...miss you and love you, always xxxx
from neeeeek :
Might not be much of a help.. but just breathe. It will all be alright. Clearing your heads from all unnecessary thoughts can help too.. then it's a bit easier. Best wishes, a friend
from hibiscus101 :
**hug**
from just-fine :
i love you x x x
from just-fine :
:( Speak to me angel x
from brokenmirror :
OMG angel darling that's horrible!!! I hope the doctors are wrong and your hand's going to recover!!! Good luck for your nurse course!! Love =♥= Ria
from sadhaven :
Hello, I just wanted to let you know about this new public diary called "sadhaven." It is for people who suffer from mental illness and/or addictions to vent and express themselves. If you would like to know more take a look around. Thank you.
from wastedcamel :
I miss Diaryland and I miss you.
from pollys-pins :
Hey prob not coming home till xmas now, got so much work to do uGH. Were moving into a new flat on sat YEY so excited. ull hv to come stay sometime. tlk to u soon xxxxxxx
from just-fine :
What happened to your page? :(
from pollys-pins :
Hey hun. Hope all is dandy, lookin forward to seein u this weekend. Tom might come ova - tht cool??? We get our puppy remember! Ugh food is so gay at the moment and my flatmates r being far too normal. Love you. ps. ur template not working, u delete it in a fit of rage??
from miedema2002 :
Hi, your diary doesn't seem to be showing up. Is there problems with the template or did you delete it? Bye.
from miedema2002 :
Hi, I notice that your templates aren't showing pics anymore and some of your links aren't working. You might want to consider finding a new template? If you need help with the links I can help. Another great source for help is for-you-only.diaryland.com she is a web designer and helped me fix my diary up real nice! Anyways hope you are doing ok. Don't beat yourself up when you relapse ok? these things take time. Be patient with yourself and take it one day at a time. Maybe make some goals for yourself like I will go without purging for 1 day a week then extend it to how ever much you think you can do. Start small. Hope this advice helps. Good luck.
from just-fine :
but honey you know it is never worth it, the good days are what count in the end. your strong, you can do this. x
from gyka :
lol, its been ages since i have stopped and say hi. hope things are goin well. xox
from miedema2002 :
Welcome back and good luck in recovery. I have faith that you will make it! Keep Perservering.
from just-fine :
i am so so proud of you
from just-fine :
why are you locked hon? everything okay? :(
from miedema2002 :
Hi hayley, It's been a while. What are you up too? May I please have the username and password to your diary? Thanks. Emily.
from pollys-pins :
Hey hun I've moved! My diary was being an arse burger so here is my new one. Hv transferred all the old entries. Sticking with the 'polly' titles. xxx kate
from patchedpolly :
Hey hun, am coming home this weekend, would love to see you. roger still has no idea what is going on - even tho we sleep together every night ... it astounds me how good I am at hiding things. I'll txt u incase u dont get this xx
from just-fine :
never stop trying angel, that is all that counts, i am here.
from just-fine :
You have such a good heart Hayley. It must've been hard for you to be around that woman. *hug* Love you x
from dead-angel13 :
i kno exactly how u feel, wanting that lil secret back. **hugs N kisses!** formerly joslyn04 Love>>>JOS
from onecutabove :
Is it really hard being on the other side? Or just really weird? What is it you do for your job? Do you enjoy your line of work? How have you been lately?
from hibiscus101 :
*Happy Holidays*
from shanmeid :
ouch... I hope you feel better soon! <3
from hibiscus101 :
**HAPPY HALLOWEEN**
from writergrrl88 :
wishing you health and less un-happiness. *hugs* please, be okay. xo ~lita~
from ethereal-red :
The more bones I can see and feel, the more secure I feel. The smaller my jeans size is, the more confidence I have- sort of. When people ask how I lost so much weight so quickly, I just smile. The weight may be gone to them, but to me, the numbers are never small enough. I know how you want to starve yourself beautiful, because I have the same want and a driven need. I hope you don't turn out to be diabetic, since that only complicates things, and I hope you are good to yourself today, even if it's just one thing.
from just-fine :
*hug* Honey, we both know strvation will never solve the problem, it's just falling in another direction. Why are they testing you for diabetes? Are you showing symptoms? I really hope it comes back clean, hopefuly it's just a precaution. Love you xxx
from purgingme :
your trying. and that counts more than you will every realize. faith is always here. xo sharla
from simplyrayne :
I know that feeling too well, take care sweetie x
from purgingme :
haley it was so nice to recieve a note from you! brightened my day. i hope you are doing better, and i know you can fill your life with things other than food and pain. find love. xo sharla
from shanmeid :
*hugs*
from dimstar :
You can do this. I believe in you.
from musicchic85 :
yeah i now what you mean...i'm trying to stop cutting...i've been trying to stop since i started 10 years ago when i was 10. its hard and that's when you truely wonder if you also suffer from schitzophrenia. lol.
from somewhat-ok :
Hey! So your labret never rubs against your gums/teeth? I'm just nervous about it rubbbing off my enamel or something. Hmmm. I really would like to get it though. I don't really have any film for my camera so I can't put up a pic of my tattoo, but if I ever have a pic of it I totally will, it's sooo cute! Anyway, I saw in your entry that you're having a rough time with recovery. It's very rough, but just keep telling yourself over and over that over time, the thoughts will be less, your hunger will stabilize, and you're start to feel MUCH better. You just gotta keep pushing yourself and get through the rough patch! Trust me, been there done that, and I still have rough times sometimes, but then it goes away and I'm fine :) You will be too! Keep up the good work! Never give up on yourself!
from just-fine :
honey i am not ignoring you, the reason i haven't called you yet is because i stupidly left my mobile phone charger in america, and can't get to your number as my battery is dead! I'm sorry! e-mail me your number again and i'll call you soon, hope your doing all right angel xxx
from floaty-ana :
a little at a time, and you'll get there its hard but you will. good to read your writting new songs keep it up honey the light at the end of the tunnel maay seem far away but you'll get there! take care. zoe xxx
from just-fine :
I'm so proud of you. I'v ebeen keeping small things down here too, as you said it's one day at a time. I will ring you when i am home on Sunday (couldn't fly back till Saturday and it's overnight) xxx
from estratto :
If you really want to get better (and you know you should), maybe a hospital stay is what it would take. You know this hellish path all too well. What panic attack meds were you put on? If it's Klonapin, beware, you will sleep about 2 hours after you take it.
from dimstar :
Hey honey, this is Claire at Gwen's. I'm worried about you - i'm sorry i can't be there to ring you but i am thinking of you lots. Hang in there my angel, please go to the hospital if they think it is best. Love you so much xx
from purgingme :
ditto girl. hope your ok. loving you much. xo sharla
from artemisia436 :
i know what you mean... a separate person who does everything you can't, while you keep covering their ass... it sucks. ~artemis
from invisibledon :
thanks for stopping by
from wastedcamel :
it's nice to hear from you...i hope life will get better for you. you deserve happiness.
from simplyrayne :
I know what you mean about the marks, I cant help feeling so ashamed of myself when I look at my scars now, I have to hide myself away and that shouldn't be right. *hugs*
from shanmeid :
take care hun' <3
from wastedcamel :
sigh, i always drink to feel something...anything.
from dimstar :
You are always so kind to me. I just wish you were kinder to yourself. I hope you know that I am here for you. I have been reading your diary for such a long time. (((hugs))) ~Gwen
from mjraven87 :
I know how you feel...
from just-fine :
miss you x
from simplyrayne :
I was thinking of you last night. *hugs*
from simplyrayne :
Hey, I added you but MSN is being a bint and keeps signing me out and freezing grrr x
from simplyrayne :
Cool, always good to see other Tori fans :) I'm seeing her at Manchester then Newcastle. What about you?
from purgingme :
its hard to see you slipping, you were doing so well. where is your music? i want to hear it. how can i? let me know. take care of yourself. you are so special. sending my love and thoughts for your sister. xo sharla please cut no more.
from brokenmirror :
Hey dear, I've been thinking of you all morning *hugg* I'm sorry to hear you're feeling so bad, and I wish there was anything i could do, to help you see how amazing and beautiful you are and that you do NOT deserve the life you're living. You deserve to be happy. I heart you. Take good care. Lotsa love =♥= Ria
from wannabe-thin :
Hey, I'm sorry to read that things arn't too great. Stick with things. If you need a friendly ear you know where I am
from purgingme :
i wish i had some great words of comfort but i dont. you are in my thoughts. please take care of yourself. xo sharla
from malthus :
I admire your courage...
from dimstar :
Hayley, you deserve better than this. You deserve to be happy. You are such an amazing, talented, intelligent woman. I hope one day you see that. Take care okay? ~Gwen
from patchedpolly :
Hey sugar did email you but perhaps didn't get it or something?? Will is an arse - most men are selfish bastards. Come see me soon yes?? I'll take you to our selection of fancy wine bars. Feel better, katie loves you xxxx
from confusedpain :
Hi! I'm a new diary for survivors of anything. If you've survived, you're welcome. We're an anonymous diary where you can come to vent, and no one has to know who you are unless you want them to. We also have a feature where you can become a regular member. If you plan on posting more than once, you have the option of having your name under the members list on the entry pages. All you have to do is leave a note and I'll put you in.
from purgingme :
sorry to hear that will left the band. when things were going so well. hope you have a happy holiday. enjoy your friends and find some peace. sorry by the way to hear that you have cut again. stay strong. ill email you later for info about a cd. i really would love to hear your voice. xo sharla
from musicchic85 :
can you email me about the cd?? i want one but i'm not at my computer...thanks...*erika*
from dimstar :
Hayley, never give up. You have the strength in you to beat this. But please, do see a doctor. The fact that you vomited blood a while back is concerning, and your health is very fragile. I am sorry a member of your band left, but it isn't your fault. Everyone has their own issues. Please, take care of yourself.
from hibiscus101 :
hey chickie. I'm glad your doing well and your band as well.((hug))
from apple-cutter :
http://groups.msn.com/CuttersSideLife join my SI site today my new site and tell friends please
from just-fine :
I really miss you Hayley...you seem so far away at the moment. I tried to ring you yesterday but couldn't get through. How have you been? E-mail me or leave a note when you have the chance, i hope your okay and surviving. Love you, always, xoxoxoxo.
from purgingme :
i put the pics you wanted to see back up on tf. im glad to hear that you are doing better. i always knew you were going to do great things. i believe in you. much love. xo
from brkninside :
so so sooo....glad to hear about your new found determination. Things will turn up. They will. =) You can do it.
from armourofgod :
the band is called Last Hope....
from purgingme :
please dear, do be carefull. i hate to hear that you have hurt yourself. you are so special. xo sharla
from caustic-slip :
sorry to hear about the paracetamals. but congrats on your CD selling. what's your band called?
from purgingme :
i hope things start to balance out for you. im sad to hear that you started Self harming again. you were doing so well for so long. but im happy that your music gives you something to hold on to. you are so beautiful. xo sharla
from artemisia436 :
what is your band called? i would love to listen to it.. ~artemis
from person26 :
Yay! You can sing good, I'll bet!
from armourofgod :
It was about a fortnight ago that last update. Can't say I've heard anything from her for ages, especially odd as I always thought we were quite close. Apparently she's doing well though....
from toxic-glamor :
theres not a date on your last entry so i cant tell if you still update, but im adding you as a favorite diary. add me back if you want. xoh.
from dishevelment :
hang in there. mia is such a tough affliction to fight. take heart in that you arent the only one who cannot get over it.
from the-whispers :
your beautiful.. you have this amazing vibe that i got from reading some of your entries.
from david34 :
Darkredblood told me to stop leaving you notes. OK, I'll stop. I'll have to just not read your journal, because when I read it, I feel a need to write out of love. Please read the note I left for darkredblood. Maybe I've just bothered you, but I try to help. I overdo it, out of concern. I'm sorry. Feel free to contact me, you can always do that if you like, you are a grown woman. As always, care for yourself. I'll be here if you decide to contact me. Take care, David
from david34 :
This may be the "most important" one I've ever written. Whatever town you are in while touring, be sure to get the phone # and name of the nearest emergency room. Have it where you could reach it easily. Also, others need to be able to get it at a moment's notice. Saving minutes, even seconds, could save your life. You are adored, you special creation.
from david34 :
Another note of warning, borne of love. When you are performing on stage, know that the lights are intensely hot. Even some of the healthiest performers have passed out or at least become faint onstage because of the lights, and it sort of happens without warning, and you may be more susceptible to this than most. Take care of yourself, you "treasured woman."
from rockmysockx :
ohh ohhh.. btw i`m exit2escape.
from rockmysockx :
nuh uh. i have no idea where that is
from david34 :
I have to say this. I don't want to. At all. Got scared thinking about it though. There was a girl here in town years ago who didn't eat enough and had a weak heart. She was in a relationship with a guy. They fooled around and she had a fatal heart attack while they were doing you know what. I got scared thinking it could happen to you, tiger. I would've put it on your email for privacy but was afraid you'd delete it before you read it. I'd rather you be mad at me and hate me than to not read it and get hurt this way.
from sisuicide :
hey; just wondering. what's the name of yr band?
from david34 :
I'm sorry for the last note. I try to connect, part of the reason is the intense pain of my life, particularly the last 3 weeks. I had such agony before, but I had a crutch, my girlfriend. She cheated on me and then left and I have thus collapsed under the strain. I had to move back in with my parents a few weeks ago, and the agony is more than I can stand. The depths are too deep to put into words. I try to hide in my words and talking with others, it is harmless but others don't always know this. I think you can relate to this. I'm sorry for any offense, but my discomfort/depression is so deepseated and intense that I need to try and feel close to someone again. I think deep down you believe what I'm saying. I am harmless, it just comes out sounding odd and maybe a bit scary. The entire world is on my shoulders now and I am cracking. This morning, part of my right arm was numb, which happens in intense stress. Please understand. Best wishes to you. Love, David. I would not even harm a bug.
from darkredblood :
i wanna see pics!!!!!
from mjraven87 :
It'd be great if you could let us see the photos of you and your band. I'd really like it and I'm sure a lot of other people would as well :) Shell xxx
from mjraven87 :
It'd be great if you could let us see the photos of you and your band. I'd really like it and I'm sure a lot of other people would as well :) Shell xxx
from art-esque41 :
You should post the band pictures if they're developed or whatever. My boyfriend is in a band and I love watching them play. Too bad I can't come watch you. Good luck. xoxo
from brkninside :
what's the name of your band? i love singing...but i dont think i'd become anyone. so yeah.. good luck!! and as for purging....it's not being in control...even though it seems as if it is...i should know... :(
from crying-dove :
That is so cool about gigs, can't wait for exams to be over so I can bring James to c u, I have missed hearing u so much :( and rai will be bk next week too :) I have 2 exams today I am supposed to be in 1 now, but I am just too stressed it is general studies so I am missing it. Exams end on tues :) fingers crossed eh. Chin up luv XxX
from david34 :
If I lived in England next to you, I would get down on one knee. Then, I would take one of your hands and hold it in my hand. Then, I would look up at your face and make eye contact. With a few tears streaming down my face, I would look deeply into your eyes. Then I would say to you softly: "Please, Miss Foster, take care of yourself. I am begging and pleading for you to care for yourself and to survive and I will be here for you 'unconditionally.' You deserve nothing less from me.
from person26 :
I'm pulling for you. On your side. Seeing the best in you. Overlooking the bad. Understanding why you do some things you do, not judging you harshly for it. Saying be careful, behave as though you "are" priceless. Not everything is your fault, hon. Be responsible. When you hurt yourself, you are hurting fine china, a Lamborghini. Believe that, don't buy all the lies, the judgement, the people who unfairly overlook you. Be careful of the friends you make. Use discretion. Love yourself. Don't hurt what's good, what's beloved. Remember: take positive acts, survive, live for better times, know who you are! Cuts, scars, hair, such superficial stuff. So unimportant, these things! The real you, underneath all that, that's what counts! Take care Hayley.
from feelsnothing :
I love Nirvana and Tool and Jimmy Eat World and AFI!! Haha! But no I dont have msn...I have AIM and Yahoo though...do you?
from person26 :
Sometimes, it may help to think of the various people who really "do" care for you. There are people in our lives, including your life, that we look to for approval, love, we crave love from those individuals because we know that "especially they" "should love us." At times, receiving this from them may be like getting gold out of a brick, not too easy, yet we keep craving it. It is so hard to do, but it may be best for us to "try and focus" more on those who "have" shown genuine love for us, who have been there for us. It isn't easy to do this, but it "may be helpful." Those who should show the most love sometimes don't, and in many cases they may "never" do so. The more we need it, the less it is there. So try and focus on those who have cared for you, who genuinely care. Don't forget your inner beauty, even if you don't always "feel" pretty. Also, please remember to show love for yourself and conduct yourself more often in a manner that shows you do value yourself even if you dont always feel it. It's tough. I know.
from illyria- :
Found it in your diary, was clicking on random older entries from Decemberish. Mine's Philomela (Latin for nightingale =)), but there aren't any piccies, i'm paranoid. I'll look out for Last Hope on the big screen :)
from feelsnothing :
I love NIN!! Do you have any albums? If so, which is your favorite? I like Downward Spiral and the left side of The Fragile (although both sides are good).
from illyria- :
I checked out your faceparty, your lip piercing looks cool =) hold on hun, loadsa people here who'd miss you if you disappeared xXx
from purgingme :
hold on love. i hope you are ok. sing a song for me tonight. xo sharla
from armourofgod :
<3 you. I'm guessing I know what this is about? Ring me if you need to xx
from lostunicorn :
hugs and love
from feelsnothing :
hope your doing okay....though it doesnt sound like it *hugs* I know how you feel...except I'm numb...nothing can penetrate my skin deep enough for me to give a flying fuck
from rapethismind :
I feel you...I always want to be dead.
from brokenmirror :
Angel, I'm so happy to hear it's going so good for you music-wise. It must be magical to hear your visions being banned on cd forever. When it's finished can it be bought somewhere? I'd love to hear you sing, I'm sure you have a beautiful voice!! But haley I'm so sorry you're still cutting and purging, I wish i could do something for you! If you ever need me, I'm here for you, k? Love you heaps. take good care of yourself =♥= Ria
from purgingme :
i hope your songs make you happy. i would love to hear them sometime. im sorry to hear you cut but sometimes its the only thing that will do. hopefully the cycle doesnt start all over again though, you did so well for so long. stay strong ok? love you much. xo sharla
from pamperedpuma :
Hey, i've just come across your diary and I love it. Your writing is beautiful and I can sort of relate to what you're going through. I've added you to my favourites. Stay strong. Lv Carley :) x
from just-fine :
love you
from bloodlematic :
tough life i see, it will get better sometime... however, love the way you write, its so good! xx ChriS
from david34 :
On your email, I'll tell you something that happened to another diarist, a girl with the same root problems as you and about your age. I don't want to put it here, you'll understand if you read your email. It's not about bulimia, but somebody hurt her and it made me think of you and be concerned anew.
from keep-quiet :
absolutely love reading you. i think your wicked talented. <3 from The U S... kate
from david34 :
I'm "very" ignorant on how to approach you, what to say. I can help you nonstop if you tell me how, monetarily on a regular basis time after time anything that cuts down on your need to exert yourself. Again, I am sorry for my ignorance, precious person.
from zerodoll :
i hope you dont cut again. you have been doing so well. but i understand, because i day dream about my razorblade all the time. its a comfort just to know it there. xo sharla
from zerodoll :
you are in my heart. take care of yourself even if it hurts to. you are so beautiful even if you cant see it. even if.... xo sharla
from lostunicorn :
Hi honey, Just to let you know I am thinking of you. During summer if you don't mind I would love to come to one of your gigs. Hope things get better for you. Love Lostunicorn xxx
from david34 :
I acknowledge your pain. You are important to me. I am proud of you simply because you are you.
from broken-luck :
[[this is burnintears]] aww, love..don't be worried. i moved. i thought you knew! but i'm here. and if you want to add me or whatnot.. i'm locked as of now. user: ihate and password: beingbroken <33..hope to hear from you soon.
from mjraven87 :
I'm quite teary at the moment as well when usually I'm not at all. Wierd. As for the cheese and bread cravings it's more than likely your body telling you that you need protein and carbs - it's very clever like that. Try finding a lower calorie option to both of them and then maybe you won't feel as bad and end up purging? It's just a suggestion. Take care, Shell xxx
from just-fine :
'Only people who have really been close to me since rai left are katie and sylv.And thats quite random:)' :( I'm sorry if i haven't been there for you like i should do, i feel really bad. I said i'd ring you didn't i? ages ago. I'm such a horrible friend. I hope your okay, i really do. Love, always, Claire x
from kitten6942 :
Dont worry things will get better...I've been there before hell im there now...Luv ya and take care... *Laci & Talyra*
from david34 :
Please read your emails. It's hurting me to see you hurt. The emails may be GOOD NEWS!
from mjraven87 :
Hope you get better *hugs* Shell xxx
from zerodoll :
oh love, do take care of yourself. i am so worried about you, looking every day to see that you are ok. take it easy ok. your heart is a beautiful thing. xo, sharla
from raven72d :
You're a lovely discovery!
from sisuicide :
i just discovered ur diary...wow!! my dad (& mom) constantly tells me what a piece of walking shit i am, then act as if they've done nothing wrong. i had problems wit bulimia too, now im down to cutting. puking is too mux effort for me...anyways i added you, i love your writing.
from brokenmirror :
you're so amazing and beautiful, I hope you'll have a lot of fun in spain!! take care, dear =♥=
from fishnets666 :
Thanks! Sorry your dad treats you like that :( Maybe you could look at it as he is incapable of showing how much he cares to you. Some people just don't know how to deal with things, and how to react in a caring mannor. I'm not saying it's an excuse, but I dunno. Hope things go better...please don't buy those razers!!
from fading-whore :
Even though we do not know each other... I understand your "dad" entry ♥ I know it will never be the same but I'll always be here for you whenever you want a hug *Wishes you the best*
from just-fine :
I just wanted to say i'mso sorry if i've been cold towards you lately, it's just because i care, and i just don't know what to do or say to help anymore. I love you so much angel
from secretshame :
hey hayley :) are you okay? one day soon i want to hear some of your songs okay? <3
from david34 :
A thought or two For a dancing girl The one who Sings The one who twirls Hear these words In your precious mind Accept these facts These words so kind The probs today They seem the same Of cruelties past You share no blame We've cried some tears For you our love For to bring some peace Like our friend the dove For not to judge Little girl in the band But to soothe your feet On the burning sand We see your hurt We feel your pain We see the things That cause you pain Listen to our words To your beating heart Think of what's best If just for a start Even when it hurts You hurt; it's true We say this right now OUt of love for YOU!
from time-ran-out :
hey, i added you to my msn contacts :) my address is kris@sombresun.co.uk hope to talk to you soon :) much love x
from keep-quiet :
i just wanted to leave a note saying. i dont really know what exactly. more of a reminder you arent alone. and i love reqading what you have to say
from angellore :
I reckon I can relate to that poem to a great extent! I.m sorry about your grandpa may his soul rest in peace. be well gorgeous <3
from mjraven87 :
Like the poem...
from freaktard :
username: heffer, password: steer. please delete this note.
from time-ran-out :
hey, i just found your diary and couldnt stop reading. maybe its because you're in the same country or whatever i just felt somewhat connected. in one of your entries you were talking about your terapist and whether to lie or be honest, whether to choose life or death.. it reminded me of the time where i was asking myself the same thing. was wondering if you had msn or aim.. All the best, good luck with the music!!!
from slayne :
one day, when you're far away ♥ xlovexlovexlovex
from feelsnothing :
how old are you?
from hxcsylv :
slight bit of whoring here but.... Hayleys band (Last Hope) will soon have a website up. www.lastxhope.tk ,at the moment its just a couple of links til the sites ready, but in the mean time, sign up for the message board (theres a link on the above address) :D much love to y'all
from dimstar :
It pulls at my heart to see you in so much pain. I wish I could take it away from you. I am sending you a hug. You are such a beautiful soul. Any guy should be grateful to have you. He doesn't know what he lost. Take care of yourself, my dear Hailey. (((hugs)))
from xcorruptionx :
Aww doll. You're so beautiful and it breaks my heart to see that you're in so much pain, but you're so amazing and you just don't know. Feel better you're too amazing to be this sad. <33333
from cheerbear623 :
i forgot to add this to the last note: you don't believe he loves you...maybe he does and it's just too hard for him to watch someone he loves so much hurting themself. it may not have been the best decision for him to run from that, but perhaps he just doesn't know what else to do. that's just a thought, though. tkae it for what it's worth.
from cheerbear623 :
this is meant in the most sincere and loving way possible: maybe you rboyfriend was right, and you do need to get better. part of having an eating disorder is hating yourself and never feeling beautiful. until you stop killing yourself with this, you won't feel beautiful. but i know, as do most of your other readers, that you are stronger than this and can get better, and that you are already beautiful. i hope you feel better, <3
from kittyleopard :
I'm sorry to hear about you and you're boyfriend and I truly honestly hope that it gets better for you. I love your diary. Karma.
from david34 :
Dear Hayley:I know about "crutches." Mine food. Bad food for 20 years, till recently. Still tough. Feeling pretty insane? Been there!
from cherry-girl :
I'm not trying to be mean, but I thought you were gonna try to get better. It doesn't sound to me like you're egtting much better... I love you Hayley.
from david34 :
Remember the compassion and write if you need help. David
from david34 :
My thoughts are with you, my concerns and fears for you. And hopes. Your friend
from dimstar :
I wish you could be happy all the time :( That all your fears could be washed away in the rain, and all this hell put in the past. You are so wonderful darling, you deserve none of it. Take care of yourself, please.
from dimstar :
Oh Hayley, you deserve none of this. I am very worried about your health. Your dad just doesn't understand at all. You can rise above this sweetie. I know you can. You have the strength. I am here for you. (((hugs))) Don't give up on yourself. You are too special.
from awake-under :
Hi, thanks for the note you left me! Wow, I love your diary, you're on my list! :) Lots of love, xxx awake-under
from thesimpsons0 :
I hope you had fun shopping. I don't until I get something i like. I didn't know that...not eating then trying to eat again is so hard. I do now. I wish your father could see who you really are. All he sees is the outside. But just think, when you make it big from all your gigs, he'll see that your beautiful after all. <333
from angellore :
I know what is like to be around a father that doesnt care! My father walked away when I needed him the most.. It took me years to get over the pain he carved in me. and I learned not to care about .:him:. anymore! Be well.. you.re beautiful!
from just-fine :
you'll never be anything less than amazing
from xemowhorex :
you have me listed as a favorite. if you're still around and care at all, i have had to locked my diary for a while. the username: emo password: whore
from dimstar :
Hayley, tears are stinging at my eyes as I type this, because I want so much to help you, and I empathize with you. My dad isn't around, but I want my mom to understand, and she just can't. And I want to recover, but that seems so far away as well. I know you will find the strength. Look to your music. I am so happy for you in that area. You really deserve something good, anything better than this eating disorder. (((hugs))) Please, I am here for you, don't hesitate to ask a favor. xoxo Gwen
from slayne :
I wish everything were different for you. <3
from art-esque41 :
hi. i just wanted to send you a hug. i really feel for you. and I hope the help you are getting really works. as for your dad, I don't know what to say. maybe just tell him that you want his help and that you love him. i really hope things get better. luv sam
from hxcsylv :
Hi hayley. Dont know if you'll read this. Hope you don't mind me reading your diary either. I knew it went deep but THIS deep? I wish you'd tell me more, you know where i am. And i've said it once and i'll say it again, you know i love you! I have some music you may be interested in, i dont know if you know Mahumodo, but its the finest melodic hardcore around. ill copy some if you're interested. See you soon babe xxx
from mjraven87 :
Fathers can be complete idiots sometimes. Mine is. They just don't have a clue..
from brkninside :
Hey...I'm glad youre getting help. It's a big first step...but it's hard to cut back on what's so damn familiar...or so I think. Take care.~Brkninside
from xemowhorex :
my father doesn't care a whole lot about me either. i'm sure that has something to do whith why this whole thig started to begin with. i know it doesen't help, and i'm not a therapist or anything, bt sometimes we have to try realy fuckign hard to let go of the people who drag us down, and hold us back. even when their family. it hurts, and it's hard but it a necessity. maybe someday you can be closer with your familie but right now you need to try your best to disreguard them and focus on yourself, after all it's your life and the most important thing in your life is you.
from miedema2002 :
I'm glad that you want to recover. Good luck to you. I know you can do it!
from meganwaits :
I'm glad you have your music. Does the purging ever effect the singing?
from acidic-me :
Good luck. I hope everything goes well for you. *hugs*
from ruby-rainbow :
Good for you. Stopping is so much better. I would say i'm not anarexic any more but that wouldn't be 100% truthful. I still worry about my wieght alot. Sometimes i think no way am i eating this. It will make me so fat. But i do eat alot. Compared to what i used to. When you stop you can really live and enjoy your life. Saying this is really making me think about it now. I do hope you will do it. I have have been reading your diary for a while now and i think you are a great person and could be so great if you just started properly living your life. Best of wishes Ruby
from mylostdream :
i'm so happy for you. xoxox.
from joslyn04 :
hey, I'm sooo soo proud of you for having the strength to realize what you want and go for it! GOOD LUCK!!!! Love>>>JOS
from abusemyheart :
I'm happy for you that you're finally starting to beat bulemia. It's always a difficult road. Stay strong, sweetie. ♥
from sad-doll :
hey darling, I know it's been along time since I've written to you, but I just really want you to know that I love you and I care about you and that I think you're amazing. I love you dear <3 Audrey ♥
from billyprior :
Making that first step towards being nicer to yourself is one of the hardest things to do and if you fail don't punish yourself, don't feel guilty or run yourself down, praise yourself for at least having the guts to try :-)
from crazeedevil :
You go girl! I'll be by your side every step of the way. Love you always xxxxxx
from unloved8 :
You can do anything you set your mind to-I hope that you believe that. Good luck in your recovery.
from xcorruptionx :
I'm so proud and so happy to hear you say that. You're an amazing girl and you can definetly do this. If you ever need to talk or anything you've got my email and I'll do anything I can to help you. You're strong. You can do this. And although you feel the progress is small, it's still progess. <3<3
from burnintears :
you can do it. you're strong and willing. i wish you the best of luck<3
from angellivia :
Hey, I'm damn proud of you for being strong enough to say that... you're taking control and being in charge. I'm so proud, and I'm here if it ever gets tough and you think you can't hold on - I'm here. You can do this. *hugs*
from xcorruptionx :
Hey doll, sorry it took forever to reply. I've been working non-stop on that damn essay. I'm done now and I just wanted to thank you so much for your help. You were great. :) <3<3
from sweetxtears :
i added you as a fav, hope you dont mind! kaylin
from feelsnothing :
your words are beautiful.
from just-fine :
Oh sweetheart, hold on. Hold on, and it will and can get better xo
from abusemyheart :
stay strong sweetie ♥
from mjraven87 :
Mental health nursing.....thats what I think I would like to do. Its mainly because of what I've been through/going through and when I was in hospital most of the nurses were great. I think I'd have a lot to offer becuase I'd know where people were coming from because I've been there. I can give them advice as a person and as a nurse. Take care (I still read you everytime you update)Shell xxx
from rainy-daze- :
lovin' your diary. I understand some of your pain. xxxxxx
from dimstar :
I know that you can get better sweetie. Hang on. You have gone through so much. (((hugs))) You are thin, but I know you will not believe me.
from zerodoll :
all your dreams will come true. dont let this nightmare destroy you. you are so beautiful xo sharla
from acidic-me :
Congrats on your music career! That's so awesome. I hope everything else in your life goes just as well. *hugs*
from burnintears :
aww=) thank you<3
from pointlesss :
I'M SO EXCITED FOR YOU!and I'm a complete stranger (ahem).congratulations on the tour girl.
from tyana05 :
well,i take it that you are in england but i would really like to see you on tour or something? do you have any songs on the internet? good luck! and keep fighting:)
from evilsuicide :
congratulations! this will be a wonderful experience for you! who said dreams dont come true? <333jackie
from burnintears :
you....you're amazing. i'm so happy to hear you've got a tour. good luck, be strong, i know you are. love<3
from angellivia :
Congrats on getting the tour! Will you be coming to Manchester? If you are, please, please let me know, I would love to see you. Liv xx
from birds-cry :
hey there. i locked my diary, so if you would like to access it, the username is generic, and the password is emotion.
from xcorruptionx :
Hey, I'm doing a research on eating disorders for my psychology class and i was just wondering if you'd be up for being one of the people i interview. I've been reading your diary and your story just amazes me. It's no problem if you're not up for it but if you are my email is xcountxthextearsx@hotmail.com. Thanks alot and take care. <3<3
from joslyn04 :
hey hayley, i just read your diary, all of it, i think your an amazing girl!! and I hope your doing ok. Love>>>Jos
from drowningblue :
Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I had to lock my diary. Iím sorry! I came home from break and found out that my parents have been reading it probably for some time now. How horrible is that? Thank god I happened to look at the history on their computer! Anyways, the username is now "blue" and the password is "tears." please keep in touch. xxxooo
from caustic-slip :
hey congratulations on the purple hair! and happy new year or something ya know. i hope the new year is good to you...
from zerodoll :
may the new year bring you a bit of hope and second chances. you can do anything you dream of, from voices on angel wings. xo sharla
from secretshame :
ahhh you got your lip pierced! that's amazing hayley, damn you have guts! (i wish i did) i've been wanting to pierce my libret/lip for ages now and i can't bring myself to do it incase it doesn't suit me. can you show me a pretty photo of you with it in? pleeeeeeeeaaaase? xoxoxoxo
from insanegerbil :
the easiest way to both fast,and keep suspicions low about your eatting is to make alot of food..looking at it will make you so disgusted at the amount,you can throw it away.and of corse,people will wonder where the food went,you won't be lying if you say you made it.
from drowningblue :
Hey, think of the absolute worst thing in the whole world that could happen and it has! i just drove home from college last night and got on my parents computer to find that they have been readin my diary for at least a week now! my diary address was literally all over the history. anyways, i never wanted to do it, but i'm obviously going to have to lock my diary now. the un/ps is blue/tears. thanks! xxxooo
from magic-dirt :
Iím really sorry about your boyfriend among all the other shit your going through. It really fucks me up when relationships end. For some people itís so easy, but I tend to get attached. Purging blood is very scary and you need to **try* and look after yourself. Anyway Iím reading you now. I hope you donít mind.
from burnintears :
thanks..i'm trying. you too.<3
from xhopesxfallx :
hey i do not kno you very well, but ur entrys make me sad.....and afraid of my future...and what could happen 2 me.....Take care of yourself....
from zerodoll :
mybe you should give yourself a rest. seeing blood from your stomach, thats not a good thing. i worry about you girl. take care of yourself. you are beautiful. xo sharla
from miedema2002 :
Happy birthday. Sorry it's so late, but I've been away. Better late then never though. Hope your bithday was good. Bye.
from sweetxtears :
wow..O.O..that one entry sounded exactly like my life and how i feel about food... sry i found your diary randomly and wanted to say sumthing ttyl <3kaylin
from zerodoll :
mybe a boyfriend is not what you need right now. focus on yourself and your music. you are wonderful and a beauty. all my love, sharla
from burnintears :
be careful, dollface.<3
from mjraven87 :
If you havent eaten since Sunday you should really eat something even if it is just a few grapes. I wont be able to pursuade you though. Take care, Shell xxx
from crazeedevil :
Just wanted to say that I love you so much! I tried to call you on your birthday but you werent home and your mobile..... well I dunno what is going on there lol! I miss talking to you. Let me know how you are. I worry a lot about you. Byebye sweetie xxxx
from bruised0x :
happy birthday lovely <3x
from fake-angelic :
its a day late, but i hope that you had a happy bday
from escaped-mind :
I wish I could take your pain away darling. I hope you have a great birthday anyway. xoxo
from evilsuicide :
happy birthday darling!, i hope its good with no tears.
from just-fine :
happyhappybirthdayyyyy!I love u
from wastedcamel :
i know life isn't so great for you right now, but i hope you have a good birthday...
from mjraven87 :
happy birthday xxx
from x-psych0-x :
happy birthday! ♥
from acidic-me :
Happy Birthday! *hugs*
from brokenmirror :
hayley angel, i wish you a HAPPY HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! many huggs and kisses your way!!! i wish you the best of luck, i wish you the strength to reach whatever you want to reach, I wish you iron health and the will to stay alive because you're so amazing and beautiful and lovely. I wish that all your dreams come true and that you find your star and hold on to it. i wish you the best of everything good. Take care angel =♥= Ria
from wire-ending :
happy birthday, i love you.
from blueeyes76 :
Happy birthday sweetheart, may all your dreams come true, may you have new expectations in your life....even if it's seems hard to you right now. Lots of hugs xoxo <3
from angellivia :
Hope sets you free. Happy Birthday and always keep hoping, hope is the one thing that can keep you going. Hugs xxx
from priceoflife :
Hi!! My name is Lauren. I just started a new message board and I'm trying to get the word out. If you are interested, I'd really appreciate it if you could join and tell others to join! Thanks!! http://s3.invisionfree.com/Laurens_Board/index.php
from emptyempty :
Please take care of yourself, I hope you're feeling better soon love. (((sending encouraging and cheery thoughts your way)))
from justbeenborn :
Well i know i'm a freak anyway, but when my boyfriend saw my scars for the first time i just laughed it off (ya im a moron), said "uhm, yeah, i used to have a problem with SI... you really needn't be worried anymore (unless you want to tell him you still have trouble with it?), just please don't stare..." and my response was a gentle stroke over the scars (ha even my doctor didn't want to touch them!) and a big kiss *smiles* i really didn't want him to know it still happens, though it has actually gotten better since being with him once i realised he didn't care about the outside stuff... either way i had to tell him sooner or later, and it wasn't so scary once he knew... actually it seemed to bring us closer together, once he knew a huge part of me other people so rarely see...
from suicidalwhim :
<3
from mjraven87 :
i found your diary from somebody's buddy list (cant remember who's it was now though) i can see why. ive only read a few entries and im hooked. maybe for the wrong reasons, maybe for the right but i am. im going to add you to my favourites, i love how you write. take care, Shell xxx
from dimstar :
Hayley, you are seriously ill. Please, my jaw dropped when I read your entry. Go to the ER. Please. I am so worried. This is a very scary thing. You could have internal hemmoraging. I care too much about you. I would be very sad if anything happened to you. Take care of yourself. (((hugs))) xoxo Gwen
from david34 :
You have the same intrinsic value as other 19 yearold girls, rather, women. No less, no more. About the arms: if someone is worth a flyin' leap, the arms wouldnt matter, though ill admit it might shock him a bit at first. My girl tonya is odd shaped in a certain way, which i won't divulge, but I love THAT about her. Love overlooks those things are cares, *^%$#*& warts and all. Understand? Remember your heart and its weakness, and write to me, yes im THAT david, if you will, i miss your words. love, dave
from david34 :
Sorry about the nitemare, Hayley. I write to other victims, survivors, if you prefer, of that type of abuse. Ive asked several to send me fotos, but they all say no. One dude is particularly scared of cameras, and phones, for that matter,though im not sure why on the phone fear, so you arent alone in the foto thing, i guess. I guess it's like you're being "in the spotlight" for a moment, like the camera's studying you. Correct me if im wrong!1!!!!
from zerodoll :
im sure no one noticed your arms at your gig. i wish i could see you sing. im sure your lovely. xoxo sharla
from dimstar :
I know that you can do or be whatever you want Hayley, you just have to get this eating disorder under control. And it is so hard. You are doing amazingly well. I am here for you. Take care and good luck. xoxo Gwen
from caustic-slip :
happy birthday....?
from justbeenborn :
I added, i'm Jaden btw :)
from crazeedevil :
You are not a waste of space. You are my super-talented friend and I love you so much. Dont think so badly of yourself, you have been through so much. Time will help you heal. xxxxxxxx
from justbeenborn :
Hey! judging from the words put into this diary your songs kick ass!! Opendoor right? Whereabouts do you play? May be able to come watch you if it's not millions of miles away, i'm in England too :) Let me know? Thanx sweetie, Pix :)
from leely :
<3
from lostunicorn :
:) :) :) :) :) Sometimes smiling isn't painful, wish I could have seen your gig. x x x
from suicidalwhim :
yeah i'm selfish i'm sorry i was like that last night. sorry i wasn't there when you played. your voice is amazing
from secretshame :
go haylz! yay i am soo proud of you gorgeous! everything is beautiful when you're able to connect with people hey? god i wish i could hear your voice and your singing, i hope i do some day. go for your dreams hayley, i have no doubt that you can achieve them. we all can, if we want them enough. *hugs* guess what? i hope this leads to a permanant happiness for you :)
from miedema2002 :
I'm sure you'll do great at your very first gig! I want to hear you sing! I want to hear what you sound like. Anyways take care and I hope that you feel better.
from pointlesss :
Hey girl.Good luck with your gig-I'm so excited for you.Take care.
from dimstar :
Hayley, you are going to make yourself so sick. I am so worried about you. I really care about you and I don't want anything bad to happen to you. Please, try and keep a bit down. I am always here if you want to talk. I am so sad and worried about you right now. I hope that your gig goes well. Good luck sweetheart and please take care. xoxo Gwen
from acidic-me :
good luck at your first gig! *hugs* hope you're doing better.
from pinkwolf :
k. to start with, u r not a letdown, no matter how people make u feel. cutting doesnt make u a leper, it makes u diffrent thats all, and not a bad diffrent at that. sooooooooooo many people do it, and the only way u will ever get over it is to stop being ashamed. i havent cut for ages, but my arms r still covered in scars, and i wear short sleeves all the time now. if people ask me about it, then i tell them i was sick, but i got better. people who look down on u for it just dont understand, or they r scared. dont hide it. screw everyone else. they r the lepers. notus :)
from just-fine :
god, sweetheart you sound like your having a really awful time lately. just because i'm in hospital and dealing with other crap doesn't mean i haven't got time to listen to you. love you loads, keep strong, pull through. i hope it all gets a bit better xoxox
from dimstar :
Hayley, you are not a failure or a let down. You are a wonderful person who is hurting. I am so sorry that you don't have someone who understands nearby. (((hugs))) Please, take care, and know that so many of us are here for you. xoxo Gwen
from ruby-rainbow :
Really great diary.
from pinkwolf :
hey babe. do me a humungous favour? go to www.metal-pig.co.uk go to the vote page, and vote lara? ok chick? u might have to register.
from angellore :
If only I had a dollar for each time this same thing happened to me.. but what really hurts, is when mommy dearest asked me when she first saw my scars: where did you burn your arms like that? Be well..
from evilkitty215 :
I'm sorry to hear about the whole aerobics thing. Maybe next time it will be better. But yea, those women should just fuck off and stay out of other people's business.
from crazeedevil :
just to let u know i am updating again xx
from zerodoll :
what is thearapy supposed to do for us anyways. if it only makes you more upset. i know i freak out every time. but mybe it will help, i hope it does because you are to wonderful to be plagued by all this sadness and sickness. i want to hear your song and see you sing. you must be so beautiful when you sing, you are beautiful you know. even if you cant see it now. i <3 you so much. xoxo sharla
from dimstar :
Oh Hayley, you do not deserve this terrible disease. I want to give you a hug, to hold you and tell you everything will be alright, to make it alright. Don't give up. I know that this does not have to consume your entire life. You are too special, too kind, and too brilliant for that. Is there any way that you can get help? Please sweetie, we all love you. xoxo Gwen
from cherry-girl :
I changed my diary stuff again. It's now loveis and forever. Sorry about the sudden change. xox.
from burnintears :
thank you, lovely. i wish i could help you, i feel pain for you. you're a wonderful person<33
from caustic-slip :
i'm really sorry..that entry about the rain sounds terrible. i've had wieght/eating problems for a while, too. but your is so profound...i like it lots.
from cherry-girl :
I changed my password, etc. to jealousy and hurts. xox.
from evilkitty215 :
It's ok....and you're not fat. I bet you're a beautiful girl who could do anything if she really wanted to. -hugs- Everything will be fine. If I could..I would come visit you and take you shopping. We would buy you lots of pretty clothes and you would feel so much better. -hugs-
from zerodoll :
i want to make you pritty mesh arm warmers in black and purple so you can feel warm and cute, not having to worry about your scars. mybe i will. because i cant leave my bed without covering my arms either, becuase i might understand some of the pain you feel. be good to yourself. i love you so much. xoxo sharla
from just-fine :
i wish i could have held you in the rain and taken all your fear away. i love you. i'm sorry i haven't been able to talk much lately, it's hard, i'm not having a great time at the hospital and i think it's making me worse. don't think i'm ignoring you i'm just blanking the world out. takecare, it dosen't matter how many scars you have, you'll always be beautiful. xox
from suicidalwhim :
last night was cool hope to see you soon x <3 xxooxx
from hibiscus101 :
happy halloween!
from someday- :
Sweetie, you're not pathetic and you're not a failure! That was really mean of your manager to fire you just because you were sick. Please, please don't listen to your dad... fathers often say the wrong things when they don't know how to fix a situation, because that's what they're used to doing... but don't let it get to you, okay? And please, please, PLEASE see a doctor about the stomach pains. That worries me, it might be stomach ulcers or a perforated esophagus or something; I don't mean to scare you, but incessant purging can lead to that, you know? Try to take care of yourself... and don't forget how beautiful you are, inside and out. Love you. *HUGS* xox, -Fairy
from drowningblue :
hey! Your stomach pains sound a lot like how mine have been lately. Everytime I ate, I would be doubled over in painful stabs coming from my stomch. I went to the doctor and they said I had developed an ulcer on my stomach. They gave me medicine for it though and now it's feeling A LOT better. The only thing is that you have to stop b/ping in order for the ulcer to heal. :/ Alrighty, I hope things get better for you. That sucks so bad about the job! I'm thinking about you. xxxooo
from secretshame :
god i can't believe they fired you because you were sick hayley :( people suck. can they even do that without warning? the cramps you described sound exactly like what i had a few months ago. the doctors couldn't do anything because to get rid of it they wanted me to take steroid tablets to make my stomach stronger and i refused. so i waited it out, and it took two months...but mine was pretty bad and i was also dangerously anemic at the time...so i think you'll be okay girl :) hang in there sweety. love you heaps, xoxo gemma
from leasha95 :
Hi Sweetie, ive been reading your diary, and i just thought id add a note and say hang in there. there are people who love you, whether it is obvious or not. life can quickly pass us by, live it strong, because i know that you can. i have faith in you. your diary is very honest, i like it. *~leasha~*
from zerodoll :
i think your beautiful, no matter how many scars you may have. hold on to something you love. xoxo sharla
from pinkwolf :
blah. sorry i have been away for ages. am at uni now, so have lots of spare time for the net. hope ur ok. have been reading ur diary and am worried bout u.we need to get u happy girl. :( speak soon, all my love, lara.
from david34 :
Read your email if you haven't lately.
from brokenmirror :
dear, I'm sure you're looking all beautiful! Look at Claire's diary and the way she always described herself as fat, even in her most recently entries, and you saw her and you know the truth. It makes me cry to see you in such pain because you're adorable =♥= ps: thanks for updating claires diary :)
from sapphire292 :
thank you so much for updating claire's diary, she's such an amazing girl. though i've never talked to her or ever been contacted by her, she has such amazing potential and i wish i could make her future perfect with no pain. if only.
from dimstar :
Hayley, it breaks my heart that you have to go through this. You are so beautiful. I am tired of bingeing and purging too, so I really know how you feel. I love you and I hope you feel better. I am sending you a gigantic hug and kiss. Tell Claire I love her and am really hoping she is getting help. Thanks Sweetie. xoxo Gwen
from brokenmirror :
I'm so sorry darling, sorry that you even had to be stitched :( Does your mum know about your cutting at all? mine was pretty insistant. You're so beautiful and amazing hayley, I love you, take care! =♥= Ria
from rsvp-ido :
hey hayley, this is angie. i misplaced claires address and was hoping that you could send it again. Thank you. my email is Rubyredgyrl17@hotmal.com
from lostunicorn :
*hugs* Love you lots honey. Bandages suck! x x x x
from zerodoll :
please be carefull with your cutting dear. i know how it is i do it to but i have never needed stiches. mybe a safty razor would be good for you,so you couldnt do so much dammage. i love you so much, sharla
from l0stgir1 :
Hi it's littlegirllost from TF, i just wanted to let you know i'm thinking of you, and like that guy with the scars said YOU can get thru this , you are a special person. Take care sweetXX
from hibiscus101 :
big hug for miss hayley. just tell him to fuck off, its none of his business how much you eat or what you do to help yourself. big hug hun <3eka
from dimstar :
Awww sweetie, I know how that is and it is terrible, especially when they accuse you of going through so much food. Like that is going to help! I am really sorry that you had to deal with that, but try not to let that set you back. I have faith in you that you will get over this and work through things. You don't deserve this at all. I see how much you struggle and I am scared for you. Please Hayley, try and take care ok? xoxo Gwen
from blue-belle :
heya, you're gonna get an e-mail from a site called everyones connected. i'm trying to use it for starting a support network for those of us with si issues. also some of us are thinking of starting an open diary like cuttersclub, incase you are intrested. ttys beautiful.
from lostunicorn :
Hiya can I have claires hospital address. Thanks *hugs* x x x
from pirateandy :
Your diary makes me cry.
from zerodoll :
beautuful words from a beautiful woman. would i expect anyless? no. i hope you are doing well and send my best wishes. if you would i would like to send claire a letter, so could i have the adress of the hospital. thanks so much. with all my love, sharla
from xcorruptionx :
Hey... I've been reading your diary and I really love it.. but I'm worried for you. I'm not going to tell you that you need to eat and stop cutting because I know you must have heard it a million times already... but if you've become bulimic it's probably best if you don't strain yourself with alot of physical exercise.. your heart could collapse.. there's alot of strain on it already. Well anyways, take care of yourself dollface. I love your diary. <3<3
from salsa-kitten :
Simply. Wow. kit cat
from just-fine :
I'll be allowed my mob on from 4pm this evening, so if you can and your not working, maybe try to ring me? I'd really love to talk to you, i'm off for the train station soon, on my eay :| ahhhh :( xoxox
from rsvp-ido :
hi hayley. this is angie~ thanks for giving me claires address at the hospital.
from cannibalz :
I still love you, and I don't know how that is really supposed to make you feel better but hell. Its true. And besides being perfect is highly overrated. LOL. Cheer up girl, god knows I'm trying.
from small-one :
god, such drama to endure. i'm thinking of your struggles and sending you strong vibes. please send me the info for claire, as i would love to send her something. thanks a lot. xo,shawna (small-one)
from dimstar :
(((Hayley))) I hope that you feel better. I am worried about Claire as well, but it is probably more personal with you because you know each other. I hope that you are okay. I am here if you need to talk. xoxo Gwen
from lostunicorn :
Firstly...*runs at sharpsecret and gives her such a big hug that she falls over*. Hope your feeling a bit better. Believe me I know how you feel. I've been to the docs this week and they're put me on antidepressants and I have to see a phycriatric nurse for therapy. Btw would you mind emailing me Claire's hospital address. Thank you. Also if you ever want to write to me, I'll email you my postal addy:) Love you lots and lots Cheryl xxxxxxxx
from x-psych0-x :
*hugs*
from sickfreak :
Hey, what happened to Claire? Is she okay?
from self-harm :
*gives you a million hugs* :-) <3 xxx
from writergrrl88 :
in today's entry, you said you could do with a hug. *hug* so, i'm sending you one. *hug* two, in fact. best wishes to both you and claire. (i read her diary, too.) feel free to e-mail me if you ever need to vent. angel422@vampirethemasquerade.com.
from lostlilone3 :
i hope things are going well for you. i stopped recov.. i couldnt do it.. sorry hope everything is going well for you..*hugs*take care Brandi
from dimstar :
I know that you are beautiful. I don't care what you look like. What counts is who you are. Even so, I know that you are beautiful physically as well. Try and take care honey. It breaks my heart to know that you want to feel cool air against your arms but feel like you cannot because of the scars. :( (((hugs))) You deserve so much better than this. You don't deserve to feel sick. Bulimia sucks. xoxo Gwen
from sweetemmjay :
Ive been reading your diary for a while, Ive just never commented =) You should look into Emerson College's drama program. That's where I went. Stay strong <3
from lostunicorn :
Honey I know what you mean about the scars but I've found that many directors/custome departments etc are willing to alter costumes to include long sleves. Also if you're worried buy a flesh coloured leotard, you can then wear it for any workshops under a t shirt or whatever:) Good luck and I hope you make it to Drama school. If not look into Kent University at Canterbury. Its the 3rd best uni in the british Isles for Drama, henece why I'm studying in Canterbury:) Love cheryl
from brokenmirror :
I <3 <3 you!!! =♥=
from someday- :
That entry made me so, so happy for you. You can do this, Hayley, I believe in you!! And by the way... there IS so much more to life than this, I promise. You deserve happiness and you deserve to follow your dreams... come back to that entry whenever you feel otherwise, and remind yourself of how hopeful and determined you felt then. Keep holding on and fight back at that monster that has been taking over your life. I believe in your strength, in your beauty, in your intelligence, in everything that is YOU. Love you. xox, -Fairy
from zerodoll :
you have to stop for your self, you know. but what if there is no self to stop for. and there you sit and mybe even me. i hate to think that your cuttin again. but i know that sometimes its the only thing to do, even if we dont know why. i love and care for you so much. xoxo sharla
from evilkitty215 :
Hi. I red your first entry entitled "me", and I don't think your selfish or stupid at all. And plus, now I know why you purge, and I'm sorry. I wish you didn't have such bad heart burn. :( But alas, sometimes things don't always go as we plan them too. Well, bye for now. I hope you have a great day. <3 ~*Courtney*~
from dimstar :
Awww Sweetie, I am sorry that you are having such a diffucult time. I think self harm urges are the worst at this time of year. I have been wanting to so bad as well. One slip up, I know you can get through this. Aren't you sick of it? I know I am. I wish there was a way to just stop... Ok, I am rambling. xoxo Gwen
from cherry-girl :
I changed my password for my diary. It's now crimson and regrets. xo.
from lostunicorn :
How does the first week in october sound:) Would be sooner but I have drama rehearsals to run for little wannabes lol. *hugs*
from lostunicorn :
Fancy a visit to canterbury?? x x x
from dimstar :
I am so glad that you did not self harm. I am sure you didn't look stupid. If anything, people were concerned. You are amazing. I believe in you. xoxo Gwen
from delicategirl :
I hope you feel better soon. I remember a while ago when I was at my old diary you left me a note that said "I wish I could stand with you in the rain and tell you everything will be alright". I still remember it. I've started my diary again and I feel like I've changed a lot and when I saw your name on someones favs I realised it was because people like you took the time to care. You are rare and precious, so I offer you a similar wish; a wish that I could stand in the rain with you and tell you things will be alright and that I want to thank you for reminding me of that.
from madison18 :
I've been going through your archives and I find myself relating to some of the things you say in an intense way. Other things not so much. Wanted to drop you a note to let you know Im enjoying your entries. Talk to you soon. <3 Always Madison
from wastedcamel :
i have aol instant messenger. my screen name is buddha moo.
from wastedcamel :
i'm sorry things aren't going too good in your life. i'm not doing to great either. anyway, i hope better things come to you. :)
from burnintears :
thanks, darlingdface..i hope you're doing okay.<3
from evilkitty215 :
Hi! I'm still here..in the shadows..reading just like always...hopeyou're feeling better. <3 ~*Courtney*~
from zerodoll :
i know how it is, i cant sleep and i cut at the drop of a hat. i wish i could just give your tired bones a hug, mybe touch your heart with my friendship. i love you so much. sharla
from blue-belle :
i love you beautiful
from dimstar :
I am so worried about you. It seems like you are just fading away. It makes me so sad. I want you to be alright. Don't give up. I know you can do this. xoxo Gwen
from mean-girl :
I know what you mean when you say sleeping is the only way to escape this reality. That's the only reason I sleep.
from dimstar :
Sweetheart, please, be careful. I always check up on you and I am so scared for you. Are you still on internet restriction? I feel for you. This is my lifeline. You are feeling fine? I hope that you are ok... Take care honey. xoxo Gwen
from zerodoll :
your not selfish, your hurting. and of course we all try not to cut right. i think men are the worst thing in the world for us women. we can be ok without them right? just food and ourselves. xoxo sharla
from wire-ending :
i had a dream about you last night that i didnt remember until right this second but you were getting married to a man you didnt really love and you were sad and claire was the maid of honor and we were all hugging. then you and someone else sang a song together and you ran away at the end with a laptop. afterwards claire and i found you and you were recording the loveliest song i have ever heard and it was just beautiful.
from mia-baby :
hang in there hun. this is a bitch of a disease, but you'll make it. oh, and by the way, i know all the words to 'cats' as well...we rock!!!
from evilkitty215 :
I don't think you're fat! :) I think you're a cool person! ~*Courtney*~
from brokenmirror :
dear, how was the hospital? I know you'll get over this stage, darling. I know you can. =♥= Ria
from blue-belle :
you have the power in yourself to acheive all those things, pls believe in yourself. you so deserve to be happy beautiful girl.
from suicidalwhim :
You will be all those things, I know you will. You'll be fine some day, wonderful as you always have been. Some day you will see it yourself. You will kick the butts of all your haters. They will not know what's hit them. You really helped me tonight, and I'm glad you enjoyed yourself too. I love you forever Hayley. Thank you so much for being my friend and staying with me. I'm sorry your life is so bad at the moment but it will get better. *Infinate amounts of good luck for tomorrow* you'll be fine. I'll be thinking of you, I'll text you and keep in touch. Text me as soon as you get there and I'll reply. Good luck love. xxx
from xcorruptionx :
You have THE most amazing diary. I've been sitting on my computer reading your entries for the last 2 hours. I fucking adore your diary. Mylene <3<3
from zerodoll :
sometimes cutting can help you know, even why you go so long without out it. mybe it will keep you from suicide, on the edge but not off the cliff. i hope this passes. hold on tight. love much, sharla
from credence :
"love yourself before you try to love others" is exactly what i've been trying to get across to my friends. you end up with emptiness if any little thing goes wrong, unless you're ok with what's left--yourself. yay for being on the same wavelength :)
from his-boy :
like your diary.
from evilkitty215 :
Hi! I hope your feeling better! :) If not..then..ummm....I'll help you to torch all the schools in the world! -insert evil laugh here- :) That should make you super happy!!! ~*Courtney*~
from zerodoll :
i really hope you can get better. i wish you much luck. you are to wonderful to let this destroy you. thinking of you, sharla
from self-harm :
thankyou, i just hope things get better *hugs* <3 xxx
from emptyempty :
Hey sweetie... This is Hilde, you probably knew that since you'd added me already - I just wanted to let you know that I started a new diary =) *much love*
from dimstar :
I know that you will get better. You can do this. Right now is very hard, and if you do go into treatment and use it to its full potential it will help you. Gosh, I wish that I could give you a hug. You are so sweet and don't deserve any of this. Take care sweetie. xoxo gwen
from just-fine :
Glad you had a good time sweetie, love you, we'll talk soon.xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
from blue-belle :
u must join the freak for life site ring on my diary page, or else i will squisha your head.
from seraphin :
that tattoo sounds really pretty, i know what you mean about the triggers, i hadn't cut in about 2 months, but when i found the razor in my hand it was irresistable, its so hard, but one day we'll get through it xx
from spazzyemioy :
hi, i just happened to stumble across your diary one day and decided to read the whole thing. i wanted to say that i think since you started it, you've gotten way better. don't let any doctor push you around, just heal at your own pace and you'll feel much better. hope everything works out for you. plgl
from angellivia :
Tattoo sounds nice - i love butterflies too... make sure you put a pic up when you get it! Liv xx
from blue-belle :
i know exactly how you feel about feeling ok one minute then something triggers the negative feelings and you feel like a different person. often i feel like 2 people. one is happy and loves herself, one is angry/sad and is destructive.
from vexred :
Hey You seem really nice [and you like Vex Red and Tori Amos .. I love both] Lyno xxx
from prettywaste :
you're beautiful<3 thank you for the note, it means a lot to me. <3christina
from mean-girl :
You looked absolutely amazing for prom. Don't let anyone tell you differently.
from blue-belle :
thx so much beautiful. you are such a sweetheart.
from burnintears :
thank you. it's terrible, isn't it?<3
from someday- :
Sweetie, you are so pretty!! I wish I didn't see that underlying sadness in your eyes. *Hugs* xox, -Fairy
from xliberatemex :
You're beautiful!
from crying-dove :
I have replied to the note in your email, it's more private.
from pnkbeauty :
You looked beautiful for prom! Don't think anything different. I know what it's like to have zero confidence, but you're also a very beautiful person on the inside and strong too, so don't forget that either. And your puppy is absolutely adorable. :)
from blue-belle :
i looked. u r pretty. y would u think otherwise.
from onyx-cherub :
i love you, sweetheart.
from blue-belle :
thx for signing my guest book sweetheart. you are so sweet.
from blue-belle :
and most importantly, don't be afraid to believe in your own beauty, inside and out.
from blue-belle :
hon, how i wish you wouldn't cut, but what can i say. as for the heat. try wearing clothes with net or crepe material sleeves. not that by telling you this am i in any way encouraging you to continue cutting. just that you have the situation, so i thought i'd suggest a temporary solution. also use vitamin-e oil. finally, realize that you are not alone and don't be afraid to seek help.
from blue-belle :
* hugs x infinity*
from crying-dove :
Heya hun, I don't have msn on the comp here. Will be back at the week end so will come and c u. I'm ill. Feel better. XxX
from cherry-girl :
I changed the stuff to unlock my diary. It's my and immortal. xo.
from just-fine :
I agree with evilsuicide, i think thats what alot of people feel reading your diary. Such beauty xo
from evilsuicide :
i've been gone for awhile, not really reading any diaries.. but i read yours today.. and the only thing i could think was "shes so beautiful, why is she so sad"..because it's true
from femmecracker :
you have a very nice diary. i enjoy reading it.
from just-fine :
I'm glad you found those words, i don't know what the e-mail said but it sounds utterly awful. You poor, beautiful girl. Don't cry for idiots, he'll see oneday how stupid he has been. Love you xoxoxoxoxox Always will. <3
from ellemalen :
Hey... I've read your diary numerous times before and I just wanted to say that you don't deserve to be hurting like this. My heart goes out to you... I hope that someday you'll realize how beautiful you truly are. xo
from evilkitty215 :
Hi. I kinda understand how you feel. I don't have bulemia, and I'm not anorexic, but I am very skinny. I have a very high metabolism. So I kinda know what you're going through. I hope you get to feeling better. I like your layout, though! It's very pretty! Well, I'm sorry. I do hope you get to feeling better. ~*Courtney*~
from floaty-ana :
hi you signed my guest book months ago, sorry its taken me so long to reply, keep hangin on in there, and i hope you feel better soon.
from burnintears :
thank you
from just-fine :
I'm sorry
from lostlilone3 :
hey, i just wanted to let you know i understand. i feel i purge half my life away. but it numbs the pain i know i cant handle alone. even when i know i should stop, i'm hooked. i'm here for you if you need to talk msn/littlegirly_03@hotmail. aim/qtpieonefive. take care *hug* -brandi
from antsy-lai :
love the layout.... :)
from lostunicorn :
Not lost just currently can't remember where you are. I get the being afraid to stop. I'm like that with my cutting, it defines me if I stop what then, do I cease to exist??? I know this is crap but I can't help feeling this way. I sympathise *hugs* Love Lostunicorn x x x
from just-fine :
I'm sitting here thinking of you and how wonderful you are. I wish i could hand you a magic mirror so you could see your light. xo
from secretshame :
do you forget what it feels like to feel well? i do..i love you hayles *hug* xoxo
from blue-belle :
i'm so glad you are doing better with the cutting. as for the therapy,i'd suggest that you use your comp to investigate hypnotherapy and the laws surrounding it in regards to access to information. it might make you feel better to know a little more about what you are getting into.
from mistychristy :
i love your diary
from lostunicorn :
No one has any right to treat you that way honey. Everyone has their issues, doesn't matter whether they're noticable or not. You are an amazing person who should be treated as such. *hugs* You know where I am if you need me. Love and prayers Lostunicorn
from nofat-chicks :
If by "purging" you mean that ridiculous bulimia bit, I'm very confused. How can you enjoy marijuana so much and food so little?
from freaktard :
Your diary is wonderful. I love it, and I'm prettyy sure everyone else loves it, too. I mean, look how many people have you listed as a favorite. Wow. I really enjoyed reading your diary, keep up the awesome job. You write well, and your writing was very interesting. :)
from darkest-elf :
i know how it feels to be alone in the dark, the only thing warm anymore inside is the blood that you spill.. you're not alone. msg me if you want me.
from lostunicorn :
Living on your own may help you. I know when I have the house to myself my mood improves because I no longer have to hide but at the same time I also have no reason not to hurt myself. Honey my thoughts are with you. Looking on the more positive side if you had your own place friends could always stay if you needed help. If you need me you know where I am. *hugs* Luv Lostunicorn xxx
from blue-belle :
move out on your own!?!? your parents really don't have much of an idea of what support is do they?, but if your ready for the responsibility, then power to ya. whatever happens, i wish you the best. *hugs* x *infinity*
from cherry-girl :
Hello.
from blue-belle :
i'm glad you have something so posotive like singing to concentrate on. *hugs* x *infinity*
from hibiscus101 :
((((((((((((((((((hug)))))))))))))))))))
from just-fine :
Your so brave, that must have been so scary :( ((hugs)) xo
from blue-belle :
as i said before, i think u r much stronger than u give yourself credit for...*hugs* x *infinity*
from suicidalwhim :
I'm so proud of you throwing out your blades, it was a very hard thing to do. I hope you're alright, I think the world of you, I really hope you're alright. I miss you xxxxxx
from blue-belle :
adding you to my favourites.oh hon..there's so much i could say to you, i've been there, but all i really wanna say is "please take care, your life is precious, please know this" my heart breaks for you, if only i could offer you answers but i can't, i can only offer you my experience and friendship, and i give those gladly. *big hugs* x *infinity*
from suicidalwhim :
be careful, I'm here
from acidic-me :
feel better hon *hugs*
from just-fine :
:( I'm crying, i'm so scared your going to slip, and i don't know what to say or what to do but tell you i love you with all my heart. xo
from lostunicorn :
I understand how, because I've been there. Its empowering carrying the idea around, I dunno why and I'm not saying its a good idea, because its not. But I understand. If you need me feel free to ring and time Love Lostunicorn x x x x
from just-fine :
how can you plan something like that?
from anotherbloke :
I love you. More than I have ever loved anyone or anything & there is nothing I would not to for u. It hurts so so much inside knowing that we cant be together but I know it is for the best. All the pain and hurt I could cause u just makes me hate myself so much. All I want is to be with u and love u and give u strengh and suport u and i know we dont need to be together for me to do all those things. As soon as I sort my head out and take control of my problems im movin back to be with you. You r my best friend and i am gonna do whatever it takes to beat this thing that is tearing u apart. I just wanna hold u in my arms forever and take away all ur pain. You are the most amazing person i have ever known and u dont deserve this. And it isnt going to win. Im not gonna let u give into it...we r gonna fight it all the way and do whatever it takes. I cant bear to see u in so much pain. I love u so much it hurts and im always gonna be here for u. Steve x
from anotherbloke :
I love you. More than I have ever loved anyone or anything & there is nothing I would not to for u. It hurts so so much inside knowing that we cant be together but I know it is for the best. All the pain and hurt I could cause u just makes me hate myself so much. All I want is to be with u and love u and give u strengh and suport u and i know we dont need to be together for me to do all those things. As soon as I sort my head out and take control of my problems im movin back to be with you. You r my best friend and i am gonna do whatever it takes to beat this thing that is tearing u apart. I just wanna hold u in my arms forever and take away all ur pain. You are the most amazing person i have ever known and u dont deserve this. And it isnt going to win. Im not gonna let u give into it...we r gonna fight it all the way and do whatever it takes. I cant bear to see u in so much pain. I love u so much it hurts and im always gonna be here for u. Steve x
from cherfreak :
aww. eva cassidy has such great music. i love her. you should get her other cd.s as well. i love your diary. read it everday. take care of yourself. .x.o.
from sad-doll :
I love you I hope to catch you sometime on line so we can talk..
from anawaif01 :
Holy shit, you have a lot of notes haha. Just wanted to tell you that I love your diary and that I'm here for 100%. I totally relate to you and what you're feeling. Good luck hun.
from blue-belle :
have to agree, long sleeves in the summer sux. here's a hint, sunburn the scars, they peel, so in the end the scars are not so obvious. either that or cover them with gauze and tell everyone that u got a major sun burn...i know y i do this,although i usually don't care when i'm drunk, but i always question when i look at it later and think of how i'm gonna xplain this one. my neighbour is almost proud of her scars, i'm not proud. anyway hon u write really well, you're honesty shows more strength than i think you give you're self credit for. pls take care...*hugs* -sarah
from sad-doll :
you are beautiful inside and out.
from go-ask-alyce :
heh i do that too....wearing pants and long-sleeved shirts in the summer is godawful i know...maybe one day...! Feel better. xoxo, GALE
from zerodoll :
why dont your parents help you if they know everything that is going on. god, what the fuck. i wish you had the support you need. someday things will get better, some day. love you much. good luck with prom. xoxoxo sharla
from just-fine :
I really hope the prom is okay tonight, il be thinking of you, i have mine next friday. I'll ring you tommorrow morning to see how you are. Please be careful, try to enjoy yourself. You deserve atleast one good night, just celebrate leaving the school and leaving it all behind :) Love you xo
from fairy-cream :
Hey.. you are a beautiful person. i also had to wear gloves to prom b/c of scars.. anyways.. i hope that you have fun at prom ok?? <3 jessica
from brokenmirror :
Hayley, you are so beautiful. And I'm sure you will look stunning and gorgeous in your dress. Besides, long gloves are THE fashion accessoir, it will make you look even more like a diva. love xxxRia
from sad-doll :
I love you so much, and I'm sure you will look beautiful even with long sleeves!
from suicidalwhim :
hopefully the prom will go fine. text me if you want. xx
from lostunicorn :
Honey I know how you feel, I went to my prom with scars and sat in the corner wishing i wasn't there. But think on the bright side its over you did it, you survived through and made it out the other side. Congratulations *hugs* Lostunicorn x x x p.s Your bfriend's comment says it all, we believe in you honey:)
from anotherbloke :
Hayley no matter how low u get or how bad u feel remember I will always be here for u. I'm never going to leave u and we are going to get through this together. Although I don't understand it as well as I would like to I will do everything possible to help u beat this. I'm never gonna let u give in, we are gonna fight this all the way. I've never felt so strongly for anyone and there is no way i am going to let this destroy u. I would do anything to take away ur pain, you deserve it more than anything. I love you so so much...never forget that. Your loving bf steve
from fishnets666 :
Sorry to hear about the docters visit. Hopefully if you get help with the drinking, it will also help with the SI and eating, I mean if you think about it they are all pretty similar, all addictions and coping mechanisms. I hope things work out for you.
from morbid-lover :
I'm sorry to hear that your arms look like mine. Yes, I've had stitches as well.
from lostunicorn :
If you ever need me you know where I am. I hope things don't get to much. Take care Lostunicorn xxxxx
from kikassblonde :
hello, i dont know you so you quite obviously dont know me. I dont know much about you except the things that you wrote in your diary. I chose a random diary to read one day and yours happened to be it. Doctors and psychologists suck..in fact im seeing one now for cutting and depression. You seem to be handling alot of shit right now, but you seem like a very strong person too. I know you probably get sick of hearing people telling you to be careful, because i know i do. But really...be careful with the things that you do, dont do anything that you will regret. take care. (drop me a note or e-mail me if u have nothing else better to do)
from just-fine :
:'( I hope your allright, worried here. I'l ring you later. xo
from indie-snob :
hello there. I just saw Dashboard Confessional open up for Beck the other night and have added a review for it. I have a bunch of other reviews, too. check it out! thanks.
from acidic-me :
Yay silverchair! I wish they'd come somewhere near me. I've never seen them live before. I hope things are going well for you. It doesn't really sound like it, but you're getting help. Hopefully that'll be for the better. Take care. ~~Melinda
from zerodoll :
its a hard thing to admitt even to yourself that you were sexual abused. its a huge step even to write it here. mybe this will be a first step in healing your heart. much love. sharla
from anawanna :
im so sorry i never got back to about the password to my diary! I totally assumed i left you a note! Please please e mail me at anawanna@yahoo.com for the username and password. I am SOOO sorry!
from just-fine :
Thats so weird to see you've added evenescance to your fav music list. I added them to mine the other day after getting the album. I never even knew you liked them. :D xo
from biohazardous :
doctors with clipboards are so very scary but you're so very pretty so maybe it evens out?
from suicidalwhim :
anything to make the pain go away
from sweetfractur :
Hi, its been forever since we talked but i want to start again because im can write again! love ya, Kara
from brokenpipe :
hey, it's been a while since i've talked to you. i see you online every now and then, but... yeah. i dunno. how ya been? going to ireland? that's cool. i'd like to go there some time. the us get pretty boring after a while. i still worry about you ya know. with the cutting and the trips to the lou... it's been a while since i've taken my own blood. i don't exactly remember how it feels and i long for it every now and again, but yea... i still have your picture on my computer... heh heh, that sounds kinda creepy. sorry. anyway, i got a new diary. http://brokenpipe.diaryland.com i hope you have a fun and safe trip to ireland. i hope you're still dancing and partying. take care, hayley. --> tren
from suicidalwhim :
have a good time
from brokenmirror :
You are beautiful. I hope you ahve a lot of fun in ireland, you deserve it. You deserve the happiness, cos you sparkle like precious diamonds. take care. xxxRia
from billy-bob911 :
poor ireland,still ,with any luck you'll stay there ,with any luck you'll do a better job of cutting yourself......... oh well, see if you if you get back xoxoxoxoxoxoxox
from go-ask-alyce :
ugh...i know exactly how you feel. How i wish to God ED would just go away for a day even. Feel better hun, and have a good time this weekend :) xoxo, GALE
from soul-bleeds :
Lots of love on this page! Just by reading the little of your diary I have so far ... I can tell why so many care about you. Thanx for adding me as a fave ... I'm adding you too. I have this deep respect for anyone who knows what I'm going through. <3 -- Heather
from onyx-cherub :
i can finally leave you a note sweetheart! i've missed being able to write you notes (*kicks stupid diaryland* bah!). i've been worried about you lately, hayley. i'm always here for you if you need anything. i love you.
from just-fine :
:( That billy bloke disturbs me so i don't know how your feeling about it. Thanks for the compliment, it was just random words that came to my head strung together. It's crap you've lost your phone because we should talk sometime soon, i wannnaaaa ring you :D Love u dearycakehead xo
from suicidalwhim :
I'm glad you made it through school, I bet that feels good in itself. FUCK OFF BILLYBOB. Hm it must be someone at school?! *hugs Hayley* I sowry for the other nite on the net, I was :( xx
from pro-cutter :
Hayley, i am glad you are leaving school.. like you said i guess you have a lot of bad memories. But by laeving the highschool you are growing as a person and you will get better... I just know you will. You deserver to get better b.c. you are so beautiful inside and out. And you deserve so much more than you have right now. I hope one day you find innerpeace within yourslef and you become happy and realize you are through the tough times in your life. you have given so much time into you diseases .... let them go.. try so hard.. you can do without them b.c. you are *so very* strong.. and anyone can see that. I love you **SAbrina**
from just-fine :
i can't believe i wrote that note earlier...er i'm sorry, i was a bit depressed/suicidal/mad. takecare xo
from just-fine :
Hayley, my dear, sweet angel. I love you, i love you so much and i love rai too :D (she's so lovely!) I wanted to leave you a note because i feel down i guess, sorry, i just..don't know how it all got this bad. I am so unheakthy, so torn, tattered, i can't even type properly right now, keep having to go back and correct. Do you ever just stop and realise you've completly messed things up. I am never going to be normal again, i've screwd up my life and body to the extreme. I can't even swallow properly anymore, circulation is fucked, heart damage, vessel damage, leg problems, eye vision. What the hell happened? i am not me anymore, i want to see you and hug you so bad, when we hugged at the station it felt so warm and so comforting and safe. I hadn't been hugged in so so long. You are such a beautiful person. I love you sweetheart, i'm sorry to br rambling im quite hysterical shaky weird right now :/ you might have guessed. Anyway i'll stop now, speak soon. bye bye xoxo
from xxxxxmexxxxx :
thanx 4 sharin ure feelins online- im goin through much of the same things as you and many other people that i have read about ive had an eating disorder for about a year now an although i knew that they are quite common i i though i was the only one iwho new i had a disorder that i didnt want yet atthe same time not wanting to loose it as i no i will gain weight and ballon into a fat ublyg bitch. i also hurt myself and i cant tell anyone i no as they wouldnt understand as their lives seem perfetct and 'normal'- thnx 2 every1 4 showing me although im a freak im not the only one fealing shit. lisaxxxx
from suicidalwhim :
Heylooooo - hey lady - how come nearly everyone (slight exaggeration) has a comment under their names on ur fave diaries, yet I don't?? :P xoxox Hope ur OKAY because I LOVE You!!!!!11
from sad-doll :
I just want you to know I love you.
from loseurself :
i'm not going anywhere :0) and yeah i have msn [lrnismkay@msn.com] i'll always be here, it's home, you're my family <3
from stuckinme :
hey,locking my diary from my boyfriend, the user is: alone the password is: inside
from suicidalwhim :
<3 I'm worried about you, as I always am. I have to go out with my dad tonight :'( Anyway, I hope you're alright xxxxxxxxxxxxxx du u still wanna come over Friday? I'm off college tomorrow, I'll ring ya love ya loads <3<3<3xoxox
from cherry-girl :
i love you.
from hazel-wiccan :
I know this probably isn't my place to ask, but if you're selling them, could i have a copy? :D Judging from your taste of music and the way you write i bet they're really good... Well, if yes, let me know and i'll send my address... Thanx hun, bubbyes :)
from xemowhorex :
i think that maybe the pins and needles are from a lack of potasium (sp?) i'm not positive on that but maybe have a bananna or something like that...
from suicidalwhim :
Love u Hayley, can't wait to see you. Hope you're alright xxxxxx
from billy-bob911 :
Haha...No
from hazel-wiccan :
Haha!!! I hope they read that entry! Might make them realise how sad and pathetic they actually are...
from isolatedsoul :
Yeh he left me one too - just ignore him
from billyprior :
I am technically a Billy bob but not the one you have been talking about but I don't think you should let anyone drive you away from Diaryland. It's not worth it.
from just-fine :
I'm freaked out too, thats...scary. Please don't leave though, this is your diary, your space, if they don't like it they should just fucking well leave you alone. This makes me really mad. I love you. I love you. I love you. xo
from hazel-wiccan :
Awww, pwease don't leave :( But to leave a note doesn't the person have to have a diary? Or am i just being thick? If you leave a note for Andrew (andrew.diaryland.com) he might be able to do something... Good luck with that
from hazel-wiccan :
Hey hun, i know it might sound pathetic, but vitamin E cream helps a bit. It made my scars fade a little anyway, i just hope time will do the rest... Take care, luv Nikki XXX
from just-fine :
Sorry hun, i'm so weak and tired. I'm going to bed now so we won't be able to talk online later. I'll try to ring you during your lunchbreak at school tommorrow because i'll be home. I hope your okay and got through the rest of work, i've been thinking of you. Speak soon, love u xo
from crying-dove :
I think ur beautiful... and I love u <3 xxx
from just-fine :
Don't ever forget that i love you and i am always a call or visit away. Your beauty will never be able to escape you, no matter how much you may bleed. I heart every pore of you, xo
from pro-cutter :
xxx <3
from go-ask-alyce :
if somebody looked into the garbage bags I bring out to trash every day, they would disgusted. I understand. Hang in there, girl. <333
from beautifulend :
I know how you feel...
from mosaicheart :
i'm with you in my thoughts, my dear. try to take care of you, i know the shit you're going through. somebody so beautiful and lovely like you doesn't deserve to experience a hell like that. nobody does. never give up, love, jane
from sylviashadow :
The holidays are hardest on people with food issues because they revolve around family and food and religion..and food. Try to do what is right for you to do for yourself. Take care-sylviashadow
from pro-cutter :
If i dont talk to you anymore... you have to be okay I hope you are... Be strong
from miedema2002 :
Sure, I'll add you and I do have msn. Sorry I have no idea how to fix that kind of stuff I don't even know how to put images onto my diary. That's how stupid I am, but yeah anyways. See ya. xoxo
from miedema2002 :
Hello, just wanted to let you knoww that your older entries layout isn't coming up when I click on the link. I just get a white screen. Just thought you might want to know that or maybe you do. Well whatever. Bye.
from zerodoll :
i dont have time to say anything but i love you and miss you so much. i hope you and claire can help eachother. xxoxox sharla
from onyx-cherub :
a best friend is really all you need in life. you're beautiful sweetheart, never forget that.
from just-fine :
awwwwww i love u
from pro-cutter :
:)
from onyx-cherub :
*hugs tightly* i wish there was something i could do for you, sweetheart. you are an amazing person and wonderful friend and it hurts me to know that you're in pain. the nicest and most wonderful people always seem to suffer the most. xxx <3 i love you.
from solstice36 :
thanks for joining the abused ring. can you let me know where you have the code posted, i didnt see a link on your page for rings...maybe i just missed it. also check out http://speak-out.diaryland.com, a place where you can post poems, stories and experiences about abuse.
from serratedtart :
Be strong
from onyx-cherub :
hayley darling you're not disgusting. you're beautiful.
from da-n :
Smile, though your heart is aching Smile, even though it's breaking When there are clouds in the sky You'll get by... If you smile With your fear and sorrow Smile and maybe tomorrow You'll find that life is still worthwhile (I'm a cutter too...)
from just-fine :
hey, i'm sorry your feeling so apart from people lately, i just want to hide too. Had a shitty day, lets just say i hate my friends :| especially Frances. Wish we could have met instead, i think maybe we should on Sunday if you can? I have to go to school thurs and fri :( bah! Anyway, ring me, we'll talk about it. Love you loads, as always. xo
from sylviashadow :
Hey I started a diaryring-PrettyMia for all us mia girls-please join!--sylviashadow,ringleader ps. I added you to my faves list a long time ago:)
from art-esque41 :
You need a hug. *hugs*
from liebling :
gosh, i feel pathetic for writing this after reading your entry but could you please get the code for the n. imbruglia diaryring up? thanks in advance. take care.
from mia-baby :
Oh Hun! I have been meaning to contact you for sometime now. Please, please don't stay on this path...we are all here to help you through! Love Gen
from crazeedevil :
Hello sweetie. Just thought I'd drop you a note to say I LOVE YOU!!!!!!! Youre such an amazing friend and I cant wait til next Friday!!!!!!! EEEEEEEEEK!!!! Thinking of you, hugs 2 u!!! xxx
from acidic-me :
Please try to stay safe *hugs*
from cherry-girl :
i want to hug you and make everything better.
from sweetkate28 :
my friends have you listed as a favorite. loseurself is my best friend. so is just-to-be. you are amazing i love your diary. the diary you would be interseted in for me is probably razor-thin, as sweetkate28 is more my "life". i love yur diary. you are amazing. phenominal. outstanding.
from caged-freed :
saw you were a member of the edsufferer diaryring and thought this new forum at caged-freed might interest you. check it out, if you can, and take care.
from jelibeary :
Hello I saw that you joined abused and wanted to say hello and welcome. :) Larenda
from sad-doll :
H-- I just wanted you to know, I don't leave you as many notes any more because I talk to you on MSN, and that I do read your diary every time you update. I wish I could take all your pain away. I love you and if there is anything I can do a million miles away, you tell me okay? ♥ Audrey, xoexoh
from hungry-hippo :
I know what you mean about wanting people to talk to you. People don't talk to me because they're afraid of me. They're afraid of the girl who fell off the deep end and came to school with bloody wrists and stoney eyes and fled class crying all the time. The girl who changed from fun, outgoing, outwardly-confident to avoidant, depressed, outwardly-losing it. The girl who switched personalities. No one wants to be friends with an emotional liability.
from cherry-girl :
<3 i love you. i know im young and cant do much to help. but i love you. xo
from lostunicorn :
*hugs* We all need our escape. Take care love Cheryl x
from just-fine :
arnt lax and doctors fun heh? ((hugs)) I love you, i saw the message you left in tf for me, thankyou sweetheart. xox
from wire-ending :
hello, i love you.
from surf--fairy :
Hello Hayley. I was searching around this morning and found your diary. I read the whole bloody thing. You have such a beautiful mind. I've been in your place. I got down to 62lbs. with bulimia. Hayley darling there's a way out. There always is..think about it..you can have a wicked awesome life. Reading your diary, I just wanted to hug you. Yes I know cutting oneself is a hard thing to stop. I still do it. I understand you. If you ever need any words of encouragement just e-mail me @: punkprincess_lime@yahoo.com There are people who care for you. You are not alone. -Brody
from amiyourstar :
thank you very much
from wastedcamel :
you're not a horrible daughter. i am. everyday i get on my parents nerves. my parents don't understand me. i wish i could explain my life to them, but i don't even understand it.
from zerodoll :
you are so wonderfull, dont ever think you are bad in anyway. you just cant deal with this ugly little life, i know how it is. dealing with a past suicide attempt is the hardest thing in the world, of course your hearting. but the pain will ease up and you'll be ok again. im thinking of you. much love dear. xoxo sharla
from onyx-cherub :
you're not horrible, sweetheart. you're coping the way you know how. that aside, i'm concerned for you and always here for you if you need anything,
from wastedcamel :
hi...i didn't do anything stupid yet. but i'm hanging and i think i'm gonna fall soon. i can't deal with life anymore.
from dying-beauty :
you can't let go... keep trying....tell yourself its just a phase.....maybe you'll convince yourself.
from sad-doll :
I wish you'd be happy, I wish we'd be happy. but were not. :*(
from zerodoll :
a hundred hugs and more support. i wish i could be with you to give you the love you need but we both know thats just not possible. im thinking of you. you are so important in many peoples lives, never a bore and never a pain. even im sure to the parents that love you. xoxo sharla
from wolfstone :
don't take them, please, i beg of you, please don't take them, do anything but that. take care...*hugs*
from raygirl999 :
Please throw the pills away. Do anything else just don't take them. Please.
from art-esque41 :
Please take care of yourself. I know how you are feeling, and suicide is always on my mind. But don't do this to yourself, you're too cool to lose.
from bahmoo :
please don't use any of those paracetamols, because you are beautiful too. <3
from starlight42 :
Found you through Liv's diary- read some of your entries, hope things start looking up for you.
from cherry-girl :
i heart you.
from hardest-itch :
thanks for the guestbook signing. Protesting is the power we have. Always protest what you believe in. I will never ever give up that right.
from hazel-wiccan :
:( Pwease don't... Hun, there's loads of people that care about you, maybe you'll feel better when you're out on your own doing what you want just for yourself... you've just got to hold on...
from a-mistake :
Sorry I should probably have mentioned, this is "morana-".. I had to get a new diary. :)
from a-mistake :
*hugs* School sucks.. it'll always suck. I wish the same thing, to just get away from it. I really hope you feel better soon!
from seraphin :
it sounds like we had a similar evening last night. my leg hurts. i wrote 18 pages of drunken poetry and cried myself to sleep, next week i will have to try to drink less. feel better xxxx
from mia-baby :
Honey, don't do this to yourself. We all care for you so much. Your life is valuable. If you can't realize that (very hard to do at times) at least know that I do, alright? Love Gen
from just-fine :
I hope your alright. It worries me when the tag 'updated 3 days ago' is attached to your diary. heh, i'm so stupid. I love you <3
from angellivia :
"Promise me you'll always believe: you're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think." And anytime you begin to forget that I'm here to remind you. Love ya hun, Liv xx
from zerodoll :
oh dear i was so hopping this was going to push you to get better but i guess not. will you tell you doc how bad things are. it might help you know. i just want to see you happy so badly. you are such a special soul stuck in the poor body. i want to see you smile. xoxo sharla
from crazeedevil :
Im sorry I cant be the friend you need. I feel really bad, and now Im losing you aswell. I dont know how weve drifted apart, but we have. Ive been replaced I guess, and Im sorry I cant be more understanding. I miss you. Im so sorry.
from seraphin :
i'm so glad you're alright xxxx
from wolfstone :
hey there....i don't know what to say, i'm very bad at comforting people..maybe you just need to try and get used to facing some people, or maybe you could try home-schooling? i don't know...take care..*hugs*
from crazeedevil :
Hi Haylz, Never forget I love you so much. Youre an absolute star and we will get through this together. Smoke loads of fags today and imagine Im giving you a big hug, it might help u feel better. So glad ur still here, so glad I can meet u, love u xxxxxxxx
from just-fine :
I'm sitting here at 2.30 wondering how your day is going, i'm thinking of you, we'll talk soon. On a side note - Billy-bob991 what is your point? You don't know Hayley, you don't know what she goes through, just leave her alone. She's got lots of friends here who would all be willing to stick up for her so just stop insulting her. I wouldn't expect you to understand but why are you being so cruel? Anyway, Haylz hope you didn't mind me writing that? Love you angel, hold on xo
from just-fine :
I hope tommorrow goes okay, i'll ring you in the evening okay? Lots of love and hugs xoxooxo
from hungry-hippo :
So glad you're better. So glad people will take your pain seriously now. Sometimes it's necessary to hit the bottom really hard before people realise it's not just "a bad day" or a "bad habit". Not that I'm advocating self-destruction, but I know that no one took my depression seriously until my wrists were bleeding all over the floor.
from raygirl999 :
I'm glad to hear that you are feeling a bit better now. I was so worried, I thought the worst had happened. I'm glad that you are still with us. Take Care.
from x-hidden-x :
i hope ur alright hun..lots of love -Lauren
from x-hidden-x :
i hope ur alright hun..lots of love -Lauren
from miedema2002 :
Hi Sharpsecret. You worried me when your friend wrote that entry, I thought you were...well, thank god you're not! I hope that this shock will bring all the people who are not showing how much they love you in your life to their senses. Good luck from here on. Thinking of you lots. Em.
from imbuemyblue :
aw hayley, i am so glad you're alright. i was so worried when i read the message from your friend. i wish you luck going back to school tomorrow, you will be in my thoughts all day, as you have been since i started reading your diary. i love you lots, stay safe, from jess
from zerodoll :
you are still with us and that meens so much to me. love you always,sharla
from acidic-me :
I'm glad you're ok. I hope things get better for you *hugs*
from insidelies :
Hayley, all the best hun - you can get through this. *Hugs*
from zerodoll :
my thoughts and love are with you darling. please write soon and let us know you will be ok. love you, please be ok. sharla
from hazel-wiccan :
I'm so sorry... I know that means nothing coming from me, but even still, you really don't deserve this... Just try to remember there's a whole huge bunch of people that love you to bits. And thinking something along the lines of "haha, don't care, fuck you, i'm better than you" when a teacher blows its top tends to help me feel better, whether i feel that way or not. I hope someone finally sees how much you're hurting after this... take care hun, love ya loads, Nikki
from lostunicorn :
Don't really know what to say except I love you lots. If you still want to meet up send me an email, text (I'll email the number) or leave a note. *HUGS* Lostunicorn/Cheryl x
from mychoice :
Fuck you Billy-Bob911. Hang in there sweetie. My love, hugs, and thoughts are with you.
from secretshame :
please survive this. please. i love you xoxo
from hungry-hippo :
Wow, Hayley. I hope you're feeling better. I don't even know what paracetemol is, since I'm in America, but it sounds very... uh... chemical. Anyway, I hope you're back soon.
from mylostdream :
oh dear. oh deary dear. i swear my heart stopped when i read that entry. i worry so much about you and love you so much. i'm sorry you hurt so much. i'm sorry your heart is breaking and you just can't take this anymore. i'm sorry i can't make this go away and these words don't make the damage any less. i'm sorry. i want to make this stop so bad for you. i hope you get better quick and out of there quick. i miss you already and am thinking of you.
from andipants :
hayley...i will pray for you...
from acidic-me :
*hugs* I hope you're ok. Please get better. You've really scared me and I really hope all of this helps you get your life back on track :o(
from prettywaste :
im lost for words. i hope youre alright, dear. i know you probably wouldnt ever want to, but im here if you ever need anyone to talk to. feel better *hug* <3christina
from your-embrace :
<3 simple words won't be enough...i hope you're ok.
from recover-me :
*hugs* I wish I could say something, anything, but I can't. I know how it feels. I wish I could say more.
from just-fine :
I wish i had more than this little black typing to offer, i'm thinking of you alot. You already know how much you mean to me. I'm so glad your okay, i was terrified when i rang you earlier. Speak soon sweetheart, love you so much xox
from cherry-girl :
im sorry i know theres not much i can do to make you feel better but i care about you. i love you. feel better.
from cherry-girl :
aww feel better! xoxo
from zerodoll :
at least you dont have to stress about school work anymore. focus on yourself dear. you can get through this. love so much, sharla
from ana-and-mia :
we have moved to ana-and-mia.com which is why we haven't kept up with the diaries, i hope prozac works for you to be happier. Take care. x
from go-ask-alyce :
i've been reading your diary for some time. I'm glad you're getting a doctor's note...i couldn't face up to doing that. So i get bad grades and miss school on my own laziness. I also have an ED, and cut. Your diary is beautiful. Feel better ;)
from just-fine :
i love you more than words could say
from mia-baby :
please don't think i am an idiot! i made spelling errors...stupid word processor changes my words on me if i type too fast and misplace a letter... gen! :)
from mia-baby :
Your diary is as striking as your kind words in mine. Today has been such a difficult day for me, and you really brightened it up! I am ever in your dept. I know you must get this from sooo many other readers (honestly, it gets a little monotonous after a while!) but I just want to say that you remind me of myself so muchÖin your words, thoughts, and especially in your actions. I too have had this bulimia for about 4 or 5 years. I too try and purge myself of Ďmyselfí through blood and tears. I too have lost interest in the ed but, alas! It has not lost much interest in me. Please try to take care of yourself, if you ever want to chat Iíll send you my real e-mail address (really donít do this for anyone!!) Oh, you are added as a fav too! Love Gen
from drowningblue :
god, i think we could both use a hug right now. seems like we are both caught up in this endless circle of pain and feelings of worthlessness. just know that i understand at least in some way what you are going through...we will hopefully, someday, find a way out of this sinking hole we've fallen into. at least, that what i try to convince myself of everyday.
from sylviashadow :
i wish i could do something for you hon other then tell you that you have a right to be on the planet--sylviashadow
from zerodoll :
i know it doesnt help, not in the long run.. but i <3 you so much. i would understand if you gave up, i really would. but it would break my heart, even to think such a thing make me cry. you are so dear to my heart. please love..day by day. xoxo sharla
from sb1rustybg :
No no no... I hear what youre' saying...about how much you want to die...and i know the feeling. It's such a dark pit...or nothingness. That you can't feel that you'll ever get out of. Keep holding on. Don't let go... I'm here, and i understand. If you need anything, anyone to talk to EVER, just email me.
from wire-ending :
you deserve everything and i would give you whatever you wanted for you to be happy. <33
from morana- :
Sweetie, you don't know me. But I hope you understand that I wish you the very best towards feeling better. You don't deserve to be hurt, or feel as though killing yourself will justify anything. You are a wonderful person from what i've read, and I only wish you the best.. *hugs* Feel better? :)
from perceptionss :
Thanks for taking the time to fill out my survey. I'm hoping things get better for you at school. I remember when I didn't want to face the next day.
from onyx-cherub :
*hugs tight* you're amazing.
from zerodoll :
until my middle name is x's. love you, sharla
from lostunicorn :
Hey chezza_3@hotmail.com but my MSN doesn't work at uni. Fell free to send an email though. x
from zerodoll :
i drink and then i want to purge the drink too. even toast, why the fat. so drunk and alone why cant we talk when needed.
from zerodoll :
yeah fuck you, she always knows what to say. mybe you shoudlnt carry your pills with you, take away the convenionce. i would say hold on but it seems like thats all you do these days. im thinking of you darling. love you always, sharla
from secretshame :
darling, lift your head, stare them in the face, raise your middle finger and extend it then say "fuck you".
from alysia :
thanks for the gbook signing. i think we have a lot in common too. i really enjoy reading your journal. :) good stuff
from kaytee182 :
I don't even know what to say. No- "You'll get throught this" Bullshit. You are real. I hate people who aren't real. Fucking bullshit about perfection, and how their it. You seem so interesting, your diary was so in depth, i felt weird b/c it was like I was a stalker. You need someone to love you. You seem like an older version of me, it scares me though. I'm sorry, I just have the exact same thoughts as you. It's like your reading my fucking mind. I have cut myself before, but it really scared me. So I didn't do it again, in fear if being caught and in fear of addiction. People don't realize having an eating disorder takes a strong person and detirmination. None of which I have, I'm weak, you seem strong, too strong. Be careful. Find love, hold on to it, and never let go.
from evilsuicide :
My e-mail is very slow, I just got yours. And I am speechless. I know you don't want to hear it but I think your gorgeous, beautiful, and I am sorry that you can't see it yourself. I love your eyes. And believe me I am not lying. Take care. I hope your okay. xxoo-jackie
from zerodoll :
im thinking about you dear, i hope your ok. you cant change things that are in the past, dont feel bad about them now. talk to you soon, k? love sharla
from o0osexyo0o :
Hey I'm so sorry to hear about your friend! I recently had a friend die on me 2! It's a pretty awful thing to have happen! If You want to talk you can email me at little_miss_Tlc@hotmail.com Loving You Allways - Toni Marie
from sb1rustybg :
I'm so sorry to hear of your friend. Let me know how you are doing. I read your diary every day...and i care. Email me if you need to (frogsandapples@hotmail.com) or leave me a note. I will pray for you;.
from raygirl999 :
I'm sorry to hear of your friend's passing. I hope you find comfort soon. Take Care.
from fluency :
(((hugs))) i am so sorry, love. your friend's death is heartbreaking. so young. you, your friend, and his family will be in my thoughts. be strong, beautiful. xoxoxo
from just-fine :
I am thinking of you and your friends xox
from zerodoll :
you are beautiful inside and out. sharla
from soulrape :
Thank you for your kind words. I am so terribly sorry about your friend. Death never is an easy thing to deal with. Hang in there... If you ever need someone to lend an ear, feel free to drop a line. Much luv.
from broknpieces :
thats awful. im so sorry that yr friend died, and at such a young age. thats tragic. my deepest apoligies. and good luck with all of yr new goals. i hope you do well with them!
from fluency :
sure thing, love. username:upside password:down. xox
from anavi :
I really do enjoy reading your diary. The name just stuck out. I mean,I could say I understand how you feel,that's a bit trite. No one can know entirely of someone else's pain. However,I read your diary because,you're honest. It seems as though it might be the only place you can be honest. Thank -you so very much for being honest.
from secretshame :
i completely understand you. and i'm always listening xoxo
from lostunicorn :
I want to understand x
from seraphin :
(hugs) i can totally relate, i hope you feel better soon. when dyou see kenisis? i met them last night, they're so sweet
from zerodoll :
god i want to hug you and hug you over and over again. im drunk too and lonely and sad and i just , well you know what i want to do. but please know that you are worth more than this. this pain is nothing more than life and life is shit. you are so much more. xoxo sharla
from broknpieces :
i think i feel that way every day. the self loathing never stops, its a never ending downwards spiral. life...is a bitch and then you die. but at least that something to look forward to. what to between now and then. get drunk, intoxicate the hell out of yrself. not much else to do, and hell maybe it will hurry the process along.
from waterstorms :
hey hunnie, I hope you are doing better! That entry just sounded like an entry I would write, the anger and feelings. My family is the same way. I also have a sister thats all friendly and with my parents and my parents love her more. I am sorry you have to live like that I hope things get better and listen to me you are bueatiful the way you are! I know this ED is hard im struggling myself. keep your haed up and smile babe casue your worth it!
from onyx-cherub :
i <3 you
from cherry-girl :
<3 i love you
from zerodoll :
meds can make you feel like this at first you know, just medicated. thats the only word for it. but you will get used to the side effects and begin to feel like yourself again, i promise. and if not then dont take them! tell you dr. and get something else. i see people settle for meds they dont like and they dont have to. you have so many options. im telling you, i have changed meds twenty times! i love you so much... i hope you can feel better. mybe the meds will help. dont let this crush your spirit lovely. xoxox sharla
from just-fine :
i bought a tarten skirt ages ago but only wore it once because i was so self conscious :( I've chucked it now. I bet you look so pretty. xox
from wire-ending :
i love you hun. im here for you like you were there for me. <3333 kate
from broknpieces :
thats fucking awesome that you did that. wow, go you! yay!!! and hey, grl yr changing the world, thats amazing!
from zerodoll :
its amazing that you have the strength to march for peace, its worth the world. you are so brave to tell the truth, mybe things will get better for you. i hope so. you are so amazing, a wonderful person that is just dying inside. you will bloom one day, become the person i see inside all this pain. love you so much, sharla
from hazel-wiccan :
I'm glad it sounds like you want to get better :D And i hope you do start feeling better soon, you're so lovely :) BTW, the same thing happened to my template, to get it working again you just have to go back to magelet (sp?) designs and re-enter the html. Or template actually. Hope this helps, if you even need it that is. Take hun, bubbyes <3
from just-fine :
I hope you had a good time at the peace demonstration today. Everytime something about it came on the radio or tv i thought of you and smiled. xox
from angellivia :
Hun, I am so proud of you for telling the truth. That must have been really hard and you did it. Keep smiling and I'm here for you whenever you need me. Liv xx
from loseurself :
i'll try to from now on, thank you for the note, keep your head up :0) happy vday, putting lots of <3<3<3 for you here.
from squidink :
I know what its like to be jealous of peoples arms. Its wierd I think, but I diddn't know anyone else was. The first thing I think of when I see a girl in a movie or something is to check her arms, and wonder how she doesn't have to worry about hiding them. My boyfriend left me because I cut too. Its a really shitty thing for guys to do!
from zerodoll :
i would cary all the weight in the world for you if i could. just to make things a bit easier, if only for one day. you will make it through, your far to stronge to just walk away. i hope i hope, i pray. love you, sharla
from just-fine :
((hugs)) just wanted to give u that, speak soon, love u xoxox
from anotherbloke :
Hey Haylz, just wanted to say how brave u r and how much i admire u :) Also....u r a really nice person - u put urself down too much though! :( And hey, remember I'll always be here for u if u wanna talk or anything. Luv Steve
from broknpieces :
i poked around a bit, and ill definitly be back. i think its safe to say that we have a few things in common...
from zerodoll :
if your boyfriend leaves you now, he is an ass. you need all the support you can get. food is not going to give it to you, you know this. your in my thoughts and meditations. love, sharla
from wire-ending :
i hope everything goes well for you at the doctors. i love you hun. always remember that you are beautiful <333
from hazel-wiccan :
Sorry hun :( You really don't deserve to feel this way. Good luck with your councellor tomorrow. Your hair sounds really cool btw :D Not meaning to sound too artificial or anything...
from zerodoll :
having a boyfriend is such a huge hassell, its harder than i ever thought possible. especaily now, with everything you know. you need someone that you dont have to hide from. your more specail than you will ever know. love sharla
from portia69 :
i understand
from just-fine :
Thankyou sweetie, hopefuly we can talk soon, i miss you. Lots of love xoxox
from zerodoll :
i was just thinking about you. thinking about how i love you. sharla
from your-embrace :
::hugs::
from your-embrace :
thank you. and thank you for your writings. your words are beautiful.
from zerodoll :
i want to rap my worry around you like arms of a warm summer storm. is it possible to miss someone you have never seen. i think it is. love, sharla
from dimstar :
I am sorry that you are having such a hard time. This thing sucks. You are amazing for hanging in there though. Things have to get better eventually. Try and take care.
from just-fine :
I'm sorry your worse, i wish i could do more to help you, :'( I love you and i care so much, i know you've heard it all before though so i'll just shutup. Love and hugs, Claire xox
from onyx-cherub :
i love you *hugs*
from sickfreak :
hello, i added you to my buddylist i realu hope you don't mind... :)... bye.
from red-labeled :
your parents may not care about you but you have to become strong because wont nobody love you more than yourself. your living for you and not your parents. who cares if they are stupid you have to move on no matter how hard it hurts you. one day my mom told me she didnt like me ( she says that she said that "im starting not to like you"). I cried so hard felt like i wanted to die. those few words. but we have to keep our heads and make it and be strong. because no one can love you more than you love yourself. I know im not listening to everything i say at times but i just get blinded with the pain. but there should come a time when you see. i love you and no one can help you until you help yourself. sorry for my b.s. but i care.
from just-fine :
Your parents really annoy me, you shouldn't have to go through that, i know how much it bringe you down. We need to make a plan to urmm kidnap them so we can um throw rocks at them :s okay im crazy lol, talk soon love, thinking of you. <3 xoxoxox
from drowningblue :
gosh, i so feel for you about your parents. my parents act the same way...it makes us feel like shit. i've started to realize, through stupid counceling, that that is just the only way parents know how to deal with things. they don't know how else to react so they just accept it and say stupid things. anyways, just know i'm here for you if you even want to talk. i understand....xxoo
from fluency :
wow. how incredibly insensitive of your parents. i'm sorry you're having a rough time, sweets. i wish i could say more to make you feel better. xox
from onyx-cherub :
your parents need to help you or at least show concern rather than beating you down. *hugs*
from cherry-girl :
your parents sound stupid. i wish they cared more. i care about you alot. xoxo *muah*
from wire-ending :
wow..i dont even know what to say. Inconsiderate for one...also, why do parents think that just because we have messed up minds that they can no longer hurt us? Those comments even made me feel bad. I love you, hun. <333 kate
from ed-is-dead :
I'm the one who should be apologising-I guess ur kinda right...if only we still lived near each other, you could come over for chicken sandwhiches and watch BEAUTICIAN AND THE BEEEAST or top 50 shite songs...happy days.....WWAAH
from wrthlss :
Go to the counseling. Try . You are the one to help yourself but you have to let other people help you to help yourself.
from xmnler :
I know how hard things like you have can be. NO one is perfect no matter how hard they think they are or try to be. Remember that and you will be okay.
from angellivia :
It's hard, I know. You have to put it behind you now, accept that you slipped and try again. Love ya hun xx
from zerodoll :
its ok dear, none of us are perfect. try again? yeah just keep trying. much love always, sharla hey when are we going to talk! hopefully soon. i hope
from just-fine :
:'( i'm sorry, i love you, we should talk soon.
from katieaurelia :
god, it has obviously been pretty rough. you have a lot of good notes there that say pretty much what I was going to. Stay strong and remember that people love and care about you...
from zerodoll :
have you thought about being honest in counceling? mybe she could help you feel a bit better. i just want the bast for you, you know. i worry. love you, sharla
from lostunicorn :
*hugs* At least they didn't phone your parents and hey you can always lie in counselling:)
from secretshame :
the amount of fucking teachers who have tried to interfere with my life is amazing. they say the same shit to me, more often behind my back. the bastards. i hate them. good luck hun. xoxo
from wire-ending :
i love you. stay strong hun. <3333 kate
from visiblebones :
oh dear.. :( it sounds like things are rough for you, now. i dont know what to say, but just know that im thinking of you.
from zerodoll :
it sounds like your drinkin alot these days. i know how it is, vodka is the only friend that can comfort me at times. the thing that sucks is that i get so depressed when i drink but i still do it anyways. half the time i end up cutting when im drunk too. sucks dear, i know how it sucks alot. but we do what we have to right? love much and always, sharla
from secretshame :
i look at other families and cry aswell. i don't know what ive done to fuck things up so early on in my life. i don't know what i did to him. but now when he tries to be nice to me i block him out. its a vicious cycle. :( take care of yourself. xoxo
from wire-ending :
i love you, hun. be careful. xoxo
from amethyslylac :
thnks for adding me. i think i will do the same with u as well. much xoxo.
from zerodoll :
hi dear, i finnaly downloaded MSN so we can talk if you want. i think my name is zerodoll22. so let me know what your contact name is. talk to you soon. love, sharla
from poisonedtear :
thanks for your note on my guest book. I don't know if you knew but it's claire (purplelagoon). I hope things get better, for both of us. x
from lavendecia :
I have added you to my favorites list. Do take care.... I don't know how old or tall you are or where you live, but I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.... we all have to learn how to not hate food, just like we have to learn not to hate ourselves. It's hard. I wish you all the best.
from angellivia :
I am SO glad you are trying something else instead. I know it's not the same, but stay strong. I am really proud of how strong you are being. Take care ok? Liv xx
from dieselxxx :
Hey. Sorry baby I haven't been there like I promised. I have been having a lot of stuff going on that by the time I come on you are gone. So why don't we start trading emails. That way you are always talking to me and I will always reply until the day I can come back on for you again which will be very soon like say today. I am with you in spirit. Yours truly.
from zerodoll :
im glad your trying not to cut, its hard but i think you can do it. its kinda like a habit for me or better an addiction. you can kick it but it will always be at the back of you mind. your arms look like mine. love, sharla
from cheerbear623 :
i've tried the rubber band thing too, and even though it just isn't the same, i hope you will manage to stay strong. keep fighting!! i'll say a prayer for you. :)
from wire-ending :
i love your song, its wonderful. and youre not selfish, hun. *hugs* take care
from lostunicorn :
to me. . . your a writer of an incrediblily expressive diray *hugs* x x
from your-embrace :
thank you. and yours as well. x♥your-embrace♥x
from zerodoll :
love ya
from purecouture :
This is Arianna here...Gotta new diary, by the way. I just wanted to tell you that was a great entry today. Very sad, but I think it was great how you wrote it.
from acidic-me :
*hugs* Just thought you needed that
from onyx-cherub :
your words seem to mirror almost everything in my heart. *hugs*
from waterstorms :
I came across your diary and I am really enjoying it. Hang in there hun I know, how know how you feel and its hard. It does feel safter in this life, its kinda scarey to think that. I dont want help either, this is me. A me I sometimes well alot of the time hate but you get it! I will def be back to read more.
from dimstar :
Hey, if it is any consolation, I am totally empathetic to your situation. I know you can't see it now, but one day you will find happiness. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel, no matter how long. Try and take care. If you ever need to talk, e-mail me.
from neuroticaa :
*the words of encouragement. (damn typos)
from neuroticaa :
thank you, love. i do appreciate words the of encouragement. and hey don't forget to take your own advice! by the way, how'd you find my diary? *curiosity killed the cat* lol.. <3
from sad-doll :
I love you for you
from zerodoll :
you are so much more than your pain. one day you might even learn to live without it. i hope so because i want you to be happy. with much love, sharla
from wire-ending :
thanks for the note. I know I dont write to you very much but just know that I am here along with you and I understand what you are going through. I am here for you if you ever want to talk.
from dieselxxx :
Yeah I do have msn. My email address on that is munachi@msn.com. Feel free to look me up anytime even now. Peace.
from just-fine :
I.Love.You.
from dieselxxx :
Well I got here to leave you a message but somehow it seems that everyone is saying the same thing to you and that everyone is there for you and encouraging you. I probably could help you though. I am not a shrink but a friend and I have helped people who felt the way you do through hard times simply by being there for them take it easy.
from zerodoll :
did you get my email. and im so proud of you for trying. really even if its all you can do its something. a little for each day you know. love sharla
from angellivia :
Love ya hun. Really. Hang in there. You're doing the best you can and I'm proud of you. Take Care, Love Liv xx
from cherry-girl :
my new user and pword are (user)spidey and undies(pword)
from recover-me :
I wish you nothing but the best of luck. Hopefully you can overcome the cutting demon someday. I know it's a battle. I'm also locking my diary. The username is friend and the password is betray.
from onyx-cherub :
you have an absolutely gorgeous diary. i'm simply amazed at your strength with words. it's so painfully beautiful. i'm a silverchair fan too :) *hugs*
from zerodoll :
i have writen you an email at your d-land acount so i hope you get it. let me know. love, sharla
from evilsuicide :
i love you and you have very pretty eyes and you dont need to make them cry. im sorry things are so hard for you i wish i could help.
from xxroxychikxx :
Whats it like to puke blood? I've always wanted to but it never happened. I can imagine what your going through. I'll be praying for you. I hope you'll realize soon that you have reasons to treat yourself good. Even though it may seem like you need throwing up, you don't, because it will destroy you. Listen to what your heart says. If for even a second you doubt throwing up, your trying to tell yourself you don't need it. Throwing up may calm the ache in your head, but it's not the answer to feeling better. It makes you feel worse. I care! I'm here for you. Please, don't be afraid to talk about how you feel about anything, ever. *hugs* LAcey
from hardcoredior :
I totally relate to how you said your mood depends on how fat or thin you feel. The mirror is the first thing I see in the morning and I'll only have good days when I feel a little lighter. Take care!
from wire-ending :
jesus, hun. i feel so bad for you...just know that people care about you and love you. im here for you if you ever need to talk. <33 kate
from zerodoll :
im sure you will look beautiful and he will think so too. on the inside and out you are wonderful. love, sharla
from cherry-girl :
<3
from punktheboy :
I hope you do get better. People probably have told you a million things before like, "You're not overweight", "You don't have to cut yourself" and they're right, but words are hard to believe and easier to say. It's all about wanting. And trying to get what you want. And realizing if you fall a few times or a lot of times on your way there, it doesn't matter. Trying and moving is what is important. Have you ever heard the quote from Winston Churchill, "If you're going through hell, keep going."? It's true. Get better. Your diary is touching. =/
from hazel-wiccan :
*huggles* You can achieve that :D just try to focus on how good you'll feel next year when you are saying that :) Good luck hun, take care of yourself
from lrnismkay :
you're the first diary that i've ever read that after reading one entry, i went back and read every single one. i'd say everything to you, but everyone already has, so take care and your diary is so true and amazing, i get it. <3
from zerodoll :
do what you have to do, take care of yourself and dont worry about anyone else. i think all my notes are becoming repetitive and pointless, im sorry. i cant even help myself so what is the fucking point, right. i just i just i just i dont know. love, sharla
from wrthlss :
You really need to be in a hospital where you can rest and have people take care of you. You can't take care of yourself right now. You don't care enough for yourself to take care of yourself.
from hardcoredior :
Thank you for signing my guestbook. I'm very sorry for everything that you have to go through. You're definitely not alone and I hope that one day we'll both conquer this mess. It's not easy. I'll be thinking about you and I've added you to my favorites.
from deadwinter :
i tried to read your diary, but it was too painful. I am sorry you have that pain in your life. It is more than I could understand. I have pain too, alot of pain but mine is different. I hope you can let you pain stop. Anyways... take care. -deadwinter... aka life-release
from loseurself :
thank you very much. your notes are the best kind anyone can get, thanks again. <3 you've got a new reader :)
from zerodoll :
it hurts doesnt it, never getting full and always wanting more. i hate mia so much but she is all i really have anymore. i dont know what to say. fuck the pain away. love sharla
from hazel-wiccan :
Your future as a super-star is a reason to not give up :)
from dying-beauty :
yep. i know how you feel. hope it gets better.
from killkessa :
Beautiful layout.. I like how your links are in paragraph form and the girl appears to be drowning.. your words stand out on the screen-I can definitely relate to the full feeling.. eek yes food floods my stomach then I put drainage control into effect..
from zerodoll :
its funny how stupid and hurtful parents can be sometimes, well i guess its not funny is it. thank you for your love and support. it helps. love ya, sharla
from hungry-hippo :
I want to grab your mother by the shoulders and shake her and say: "Woman, what the fuck are you saying? Is empathy a word in your dictionary? Do you give a shit? Or do you think maternal love means throwing your hands up in the air and reopening wounds with words?" I would restrain myself from smacking her, but I'd need some burly men to hold me back. :)
from fluency :
(((hugs)))
from drowningblue :
it scares me sometimes with how much i can relate to what you write. i know how it feels to have your parents just not understand. i hope that you have a better day tomorrow. xxoo
from wire-ending :
honey, i know exavctly how you feel. i love you, i hope it gets better. <333333
from someday- :
I know how that feels... and I wish you didn't have to go through that. Sorry about your mom too. Please try to take care of yourself, sweetie. You deserve better than this. *Hugs* Love ya. xox, -Fairy
from grahamc :
hey, not to preach at you, I have my own set of problems. You know the blood is definetly a bad sign especially if it was enough to be dripping 'off your hands'. Please try to stop purging so much. Obviously, with the blood you're at a greater risk for a ruptured esphagus not to mention the electrolyte imballances that go along with it. Even if you don't think people care about you, you should take care of you so that you can get past your problems. You can only get past them if you try. I don't know if you read my diary but the username= grahamc password= phoebe It's locked. take care. love, caroline
from evilsuicide :
why i.d love to talk to you. i need to get a new email up and running though becasue i lost the password to my old one..so as soon as i do, expect a email..be happy girl
from nedia :
hope it's ok that i have added you to my buddy list.... i could love you to your bones, but still i can't. it would hurt to fucking much.
from hazel-wiccan :
Ouch, i just wanted to cry when i read that :( Please please please don't hurt yourself again. I hope you get better, you really don't deserve this, and i just realised how stupid this must sound coming from someone who's never even met you... Oh well, i'll send it anyway. Take care, hope you feel better soon, Nikki, XXX
from hungry-hippo :
I am sorry. They are pointless and stupid words from someone who doesn't know you, I'm sure. I read your entry, pulled up my sleeve to study the angry red caterpillars with white backs that crawl on my wrists. I didn't cry for you or me or anything. I just thought. And then wrote this little note to you.
from nedia :
i hope you get some help. i relate to your writings.hadn't been cutting for ever so long...and so Christmas came, and I just freaked out, and my arms looks like hell.
from zerodoll :
i hope you do get help and i hope it makes you feel better. its not fair you should live with such pain. i wish you good luck with this. <3 sharla
from cherry-girl :
:D i love them.
from hazel-wiccan :
I hope you succeed, you really don't deserve to be put through this. Sorry your night was crap :( But hey, at least that year's gone. Looking on the new year as a fresh start may help :) Good luck hun, Nikki XXX
from just-fine :
That is the best desision, and i know how hard it must be to make it. I'm with you all the way through this, i hope by next new year you will be free. i love you so much, i wish i could have been with you last night. Talk soon, Claire xoxoxoxox
from secretshame :
save yourself. do it. love u heaps still, gemma xoxo
from angellivia :
I'm proud of you hun... you've made the best new year's resolution you possibly could make. And if you need me I'll help you be strong enough to do it. Liv xx
from insidelies :
I hope things get better for you hun, sorry you had a horrible New Years'. - hungerbites.
from dying-beauty :
so many tears.... not enough buckets. _____I don't know if i meant that joking ly or seriously....... i'm going back to sleep.
from zerodoll :
you can always trust me, please know that, you can always trust me to keep you secrets and to always love you no matter what you do. you deserve some happiness and im sure you will be beautiful on new years. dont get to drunk hun! love ya, sharla
from unworthypain :
No problem hun. I read your diary all the time and it makes me sad you would do this to yourself...just so you can be society's definition of "beautiful". Or maybe I'm wrong, maybe you do it just to reassure yourself you are beautiful..whatever the reason, if you really feel you -must- lose this weight then do it in a healthier way...people die from being bulimic. And I believe that us people in diaryland are lucky as hell to have the friends we do on here...we are all here to help each other cope, live, and survive this world. Be strong and be determined...you can do anything.
from unworthypain :
It's hard to let go of something that has always been there for you...bulimia for you...cutting for others...depression for me...sometimes our insecurities bring us the most comfort, other times they tear us down and make us believe we are worthless. But I assure you, we are all beautiful in our own ways, don't you see? There is no reason to purge...your beautiful as you are..love yourself as you are, not as the person society wants us to be. I am that fat friend that makes everyone laugh...but it's all I've ever been...so I learn to live with it, to love it...it has its advantages and its disadvantages. The weight keeps people out of my walls, it keeps people away...that way I'm safe from being hurt, from being betrayed...The weight is my comfort...the only thing I have to hold onto and when people tell me I should lose it, it scares me...cause then I could allow people in...then my world would come crashing down...
from luella :
thanx for the compliment, i really appreciate it. your writing's really beautiful, but it makes me feel sad to know that you're in so much pain, i wish i could give you a hug! sorry you didn't have a happy christmas then. dolly xxx
from rougeana99 :
Hey Sharpsecret, thank you so much for your concern. I am afraid this obsession started to long ago for me to turn back now... lots of love, Melia
from bahmoo :
hey darling. im goin away for a bit. jus to say im gonna miss you and that i love you. please take care.. please? remember i love you even when thigns get rough. love from me. xxx
from fluency :
merry christmas, beautiful. xox
from zerodoll :
i think that would be good for us, to talk you know. i dont have msm, i have aim. but you can write me at zerodoll22@hotmail.com if you want to figure something out. love, sharla
from evilsuicide :
hey i.m sorry about the last note "I" left. somebody must have figured out my password because I have never had a cousin or in fact anyone close to me die...just thought I.d let you know. Be happy girl...love-jackie
from hungry-hippo :
hmm. I don't know what to say about the sexual issues: i'm sure you know I have my own problems there. people always hurt you and you're afraid... yes, i am too, but not as afraid as you. why is this so hard? it doesn't feel like a legitimate struggle. Lifting a heavy box is hard: you sweat, you strain, it's legitimately hard. But no one credits the heavy lifting we do in our minds, with our emotions, as hard. You have a lot of heavy lifting to do. You do see a therapist, right? I"m not a therapist, but I'd like to help you in any way I can... you can email me at coeur_surgele@yahoo.fr. :)
from evilsuicide :
smile you beautiful girl. smile and be happy and don.t throw up because deep down you have to know that you don.t need to. my cousin died when i was 7 from being bulimic and her bestfriend [who was close to my family] just died 3 months ago from being annorexic..and i know that you don.t need to do that to yourself. i know you.re beautiful even if i.ve never seen you, i know you are, i know it...nobody should have to go through that.
from hazel-wiccan :
Hey, we all love you :) Remember that. Nikki XXX
from just-fine :
hey, this entry was sad *hugs* I'm scared of people too, they don't realise it but just one thing they say or do can trigger me off to hurt myself. I was thinking about you at 2, i hope the singing went ok. Love you, speak soon xxxxxxx
from zerodoll :
i understand, im fucked up drunk, alone and swollen. i want to touch but then i cant stand the feeling of him around me, looking at my body. all i really and to do is cut but i dont have the strenght, but yet again i always find it. i see myself in every word you write, i wish i could reach out to you. we could be friends.
from recover-me :
god I know how you feel. The sick feeling when a guy holds you around your waist, just wanting to barf everything away. I don't let people watch me eat either.
from zerodoll :
i think you are beautiful. you pain your sickness and scars are all part of the wonderful woman you are even though you cant understand it. <3 sharla
from brokenmirror :
I love you beyond words. You're an angel.
from aesthitemuse :
i cried after reading your diary. i'm so sorry for breaking into your secret world.
from evilsuicide :
you.re beautiful to me....
from hazel-wiccan :
Yup, singing, or music in general, is definitely the best way to just tune out and forget the world exists... Have a god time hun! Good luck with the new councellor, i really hope they can help you, you deserve so much better than this. Take care, Nikki, XXX
from xbrokenxstar :
love you
from zerodoll :
you sound like your in so much pain, i wish i could just give you a hug or something. just a little understanding you know it can go a long way. love ya much, sharla
from staythisway :
<3
from brokenmirror :
Sweet love, don't say something horrible like this, it is not true. youre not dead to them. They did not stop caring. they still want to help you. And so do I. But I .. I don't know how. I just dont know it. I want to help you, but I don't want to force help on you. I'm not willing to do something against your will because I'm scared it might destroy our friendship. But then im also scared that this is going to kill you and this is even more horrible than losing you because I know that you are alive and find other friends and WILL get happy. A friend of mine has been at the hospital becasue of bulemia and it is not fun. I don't want you to go through this. I want to do something to help you. But you have to help me find a way. I heart you, doll, you're so beautiful, please keep going!! You're beautiful note made me cry today righ in front of the computer in the middle of the library. xxxxxxxxxxRia
from xconcealer :
I hope you meant "strange" in a good way..?
from britneypink :
Thanks for check'n me out. Love the layout. Such sad sweet prose. I know Dads can be so unexplainable. I know mine is. Stay beautiful. You don't want to be one of those cookie cutout girls.
from hazel-wiccan :
You deserve better too, you know, no one deserves to go through what you do. You must be talented if you sang a song of the main characters :) I know how you feel about your dad. Mine won't even look at me, unless its to ask something about his precious dog. Even then he won't look me in the eye. Well, take care, XXX
from grahamc :
12/13/02 Why would your dad look at you like you're the most disgusting thing? Please enlighten me because I don't understand, seriously. ~Caroline
from grahamc :
Hey sweetie, I hate b/p too. My throat is still recovering from Tuesday (dec 10). I just want to get it under control. Yeah, well. I just wanted to tell you that I know it sucks. You're not alone and you can write me anytime. ~Caroline
from lostunicorn :
Be paient and tough, someday this pain will be useful Latin Proverb
from xbrokenxstar :
thankyou so much for seeing me as something i don't think i'll be..but its nice to hear it. i love your writing and your honesty. stay strong love you xx xbrokenxstar
from cherry-girl :
.x.o.x.i.heart.you.x.o.x.
from hazel-wiccan :
Hey, i'm getting really worried about you! That last entry scared me. Maybe try limiting yourself to a certain number of purges a day? If it helps, i used to gather a load of food (no, i am not some kind of animal), then blow it all in one go, which usually amounted to only 1 or 2 b/p-es a day. Its worth a try at least... Good luck, hope this helps. Also, sleeping more gives me less time to think about food... Love, Nikki XXX
from someday- :
Thank you for the message in my guestbook. You are beautiful to me too. I wish you could take the same steps that I'm trying to make, to get better and get over bulimia, but I understand that it is difficult and it has to come from within your own heart. I just hate to see you hurting. Thanks for reading my diary, for your kind words, for everything. You're amazing, I wish you could see that. xox, -Fairy
from lostunicorn :
*hugs*
from someday- :
*HUGS* I feel exactly, exactly like you right now. I wish this would go away for both of us. I don't know what to say. Love ya.
from fluency :
my lord, girl. the end of your entry broke my heart. hauntingly, beautifully written. my love to you. xox
from grahamc :
hey, i'm locking my diary b/c a friend got the link and I don't want him reading. username=grahamc password= phoebe love, caroline
from miedema2002 :
Hello sharpsecret, thanks for signing my guest book! I had to lock my diary because of a certain issue but if you want you can still read it. the password is friend15. Well bye hope things get better for you. xoxo
from beat-me :
i dont know what words CAN do, well, they hurt, they peirce, they kill, yours my love, do none, they make me see that you care... i love you
from sad-doll :
Fuck them, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL to me <X3 always, Audrey
from brokenwings3 :
oh..lovely diary, and great layout btw..
from zerodoll :
glad your not cutting, it takes so much out of you but so does binging. oh well. but wanted to say happy late birthday. sharla
from hazel-wiccan :
Heyo, just wanted to say congrats on not cutting for so long, and offer a *huggle*. Also, vitamin E cream may help a bit for some of the scars, though they obviously won't disappear altogether. But hey, every little helps. Yup, i shop at Asda. Anyways, take care, laters :)
from just-fine :
errrrrrm my weight? too much. Don't worry, it's not to bad x
from acidic-me :
HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Sorry it wasn't that great :o( *hugs*
from hazel-wiccan :
Heh, sounds like one of my binges...Happy birthday by the way, sorry your friends had to be so selfish. Nikki
from secretshame :
happy birthday gorgeous, i wish it was better though. take care of urself :}
from cherry-girl :
xoxox i .::heart::. you. hang in there. <3
from someday- :
Happy belated birthday... I'm sorry it turned out that way, people can be so inconsiderate at times. *Sigh* I don't know what else to say... stay strong, I know it can be so difficult. Love ya. xox, -Fairy
from fluency :
:( sorry your birthday turned out the way at did. at least you're still with us. :) despite all the shit, happy birthday. i think you're wonderful. xoxoxo
from nedia :
thank you for writing me a not! Tacke Care xx
from chaoticj14 :
so many things i can relate to
from zerodoll :
happy you made it through the night, glad your still here. you give me hope.
from evilsuicide :
did you know. that when i read your message. my smile streaches from ear to ear..and thats a million times bigger than anyone could ever get it...thanks, i needed to smile
from lostunicorn :
Sometimes fate intervenes - that guy sounds like a cutie:)
from someday- :
*HUGS* I'm so glad that you're alright. I know what it's like to be suicidal, I've been there, but please, PLEASE believe me when I say it's not worth it and it's not the way out, even though you've probably heard that many times before. Life can be beautiful at the strangest times, fleeting moments or not. Things do get better with time if you hold on to hope, if you're patient, and if you give life a chance. You're an amazing person, don't give up! xox, -Fairy
from cherry-girl :
i .::heart::. you. xoxox
from emotionless1 :
im so glad to hear that your ok. you are worth something and dont forget that. i hope you get everything you want and need right now, you deserve it. xxx
from zerodoll :
***hugs*** i <3 you. wish i could help make you feel a little better. it will be ok.
from grahamc :
{{Hugs}} "Don't you know that you yourselves are God's temple and that God's Spirit lives in you? If anyone destroys God's temple, God will destroy him; for God's temple is sacred, and YOU are that temple." 1 Corinthians 3:16-17 Come on, sweetie. Life CAN be much better! "Charm is deceptive and beauty if fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised." Proverbs 31:30 Much love. There's a lot of wonderful stuff out there mixed in with the bad. If you turn off the valve that allows in pain, then you won't be able to feel/see the good. love, caroline
from just-fine :
Things are bad for you at the moment :'( Wish i could be there with you, you know i do. I'm sending your present tommorrow morning, i hope it might be able to cheer you up a little bit, i really hope your birthday goes okay. Love you, stay strong, i'm always here by your side holding onto your hand. xxxxxxx<3
from angellore :
i.love.you! oxo
from someday- :
You don't deserve this. Any of this. I promise. You deserve help, but you will only get it when you're ready for it. No one can save you other than yourself, it's up to you to reach out. And I know how hard that can be. I'm in the same exact situation. *Sigh* I wish there was something I could do or say, but as usual I don't know what that is. You seem like a sweetie though, and I hate to see you hurting like this. I hope things get better for you. *HUGS* xox, -Fairy
from cherry-girl :
.::hugs x a million::.
from hiddenapathy :
you don't hurt me - i wont say loads of shit here which you'll find annoying, but basically u know i wub u bubble x
from acidic-me :
Aww. I don't hate you. I don't know you, I only read your thoughts online, but you don't seem like a horrible person to me. *hugs* I hope you're feeling better soon.
from alwaysinhim :
*shrugs*...beauty is relative...but thanks for coming around.
from zerodoll :
i want to say happy birthday to be. why is it always the hardest day of the year? because its supposed to be "your" day right? it only makes things harder, my birthday is coming up and i dread the day. try to have a little fun hun. <3, sharla
from cherry-girl :
<3<3<3
from secretshame :
if at all, stay alive just to prove you can. at least it's a purpose to live take care of yourself i still love u heaps gem xoxo
from grahamc :
Sweetie, Jesus is the only one who can save you. I love you, but the only words that are going to save you come from God's Word. "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The who fears is not made perfect in love." 1 John 4:20 God loves you and He will always love you. If God is for you, who then, can be against you? There is no one greater than God and God can conquer all. The only way you can conquer is by letting God take over. Scary, I know. If you recieve Jesus because you think He will improve your life, then you will fall over and over. You must recieve Him so that you will be made righteous before God on the Day of Judgement. When trials come you will cling even tighter to the promises God has made about eternal life and happiness with Him. Read this: <a href="http://grahamc.diaryland.com/021119_98.html">click here</a>
from angellore :
hey.. i loved your diary as well.. take good care of yourself.. :')
from unwantedlife :
you are the sweetest thing to hit this planet ♥
from fluency :
hold on, sweetie. and be strong. you have it in you, i know you do. xoxox
from bahmoo :
i want you to make 18. xxx
from someday- :
I wish I could save you... but only you can do that. Only when you're ready. You are capable of anything in the world when you set your mind to it, I promise you that. When you're ready to put as much effort into getting better as you did at the beginning to starve and purge, that's when it will happen. Everything is in your hands. You seem like an amazing person, I hate to see you hurting like this. Your diary is amazing, sometimes I feel like I'm reading my own thoughts. Take care of yourself, sweetie - you deserve it. *Hugs* xoxo, -Fairy
from cherry-girl :
i want to save you.
from xbrokenxstar :
thanks for your kind words.thats all we really need..talk to me if you ever feel the need. your diary is so honest and strong. stay safe.xxox
from just-fine :
*hugs*
from cherry-girl :
heya thanks. you saw my pictures that i have in my diary? cool. i dont know where youve seen me. dont you live in the UK or something? i live in kansas. lol. <3
from sad-doll :
*Hug!* I'm here if you need to talk to me or something
from cherry-girl :
i want to hug you! .::hug hug hug::.
from sad-doll :
screw your dad's friends your self worth is not determined by what they think you are wonderful <3 Audrey
from cherry-girl :
<3
from just-fine :
your beautiful at singing, i think so anyway. love you <3
from grahamc :
It's been my worst nightmare that mone of my little sisters would develop an eating disorder. Maybe you can talk to her in a way that you would like to be confronted. How old is your sister? It would be interesting to see how she's purging. Does she know all your tricks? I hope not. If she doesn't, it wouldn't be smart to share them. Write me.
from fluency :
you poor thing. my heart aches for you. no wonder you cant get better, your whole family is going through so much pain. i'm sure your father loves you, despite what he says about wanting you to leave. you home sounds like such a stressfull situation, one in which people can't always think straight. please try to see what a beautiful person you really are. xox
from andipants :
i know it's odd to leave a note like this, but i still read your diary every time you write, and think about you often and care. i just thought i would let you know.
from beat-me :
its ok doll... kitti
from wire-ending :
thanks for the note, ive been reading your diary as well. brilliant template.
from zerodoll :
nine times is a lot to purge in one day, it hurts me to think about it. but hell, im not one to judge i just know your back must ache. i when you said you hated food i knew just what you ment because i hate it too, thats why i cant stop the cycle you know. good luck on you fast. <3 sharla
from nolimits :
thank u for the note. good to know someone appreciates it. but something u need to know. it is a huge dissapointment to know that a fellow girl is doing this to herself. ur going to kill urself. is that what u want? because if so, there's better ways. but what ur doing is really sad. i hope u can get over this. it is really dissapointing. i know. ive been there done that. but please. don't do this to yourself. it is totally wrong. keep writing. keep breathing. <3jo
from beat-me :
doll, how much do you weigh?
from miedema2002 :
Hi, thanks for signing my guestbook. I think I can sort of relate to what you're going through. I don't know exactly what it's like to feel out of control when eating 'cause I just purge regular and small meals. You're right about purging being addictive I think I'm smack dab in the middle of addicted and not addicted. Well g2g write back if ya want and if ya don't it's ok too I just wanted to respond. Bye.
from katress :
Just stopping by randomly to say hello. Sorry that you haven't been feeling well. Struggles like that are never fun.
from beat-me :
doll, i love you, i know it all, i ma being yelled at, so another day love... kitti
from futurebird :
Hey, since you are a member of the thin page diary ring you need to add the ring code to your main page. See: http://ring.thinforum.net for more info!
from kissmychucks :
It's sad how intent you are to be skinny (slender? thin? under weight?). Your diary is depressing- I don't think I could stand to read anymore. I hope you get over whatever it is you're feeling to cause you to be bulimic. Good luck with that.
from bendme :
i hope you're doing better. are you doing any better. <3 always
from bahmoo :
you're not a drama queen at all. *hugs u* xxx
from art-esque41 :
thanks but I think people shouldnt care for me because I am such a mess. I made my boyfriend totally depressed and I fight with him alot, and it's all my fault. I don't get to see him barely now, and there are just too many things that make me feel down to be able to care. But I really think you can get better. I totally understand everything you say so leave me a note when you need to talk or anything. *hugs*
from lostunicorn :
chezza_3@hotmail.com if you need me please email me even if its to rant. I think iot would do you good. Hugs
from art-esque41 :
hi. i read your diary cuz i can relate. so i know how it feels to what to get drunk all the time and cut. im scared for you tho, just reading your words makes me care for you. please be careful, maybe find something good to concentrate on so you dont drink and cut. you dont have to stop just not so much i guess. take care. xox, sammye
from brainwashed3 :
i have a new diary... beat-me its ok, i guess, but, i love you, i know how it feels to be sad when everybody else is happy, you jsut feel like nothing
from zerodoll :
i wish i could make you feel better but i know i cant. but i have felt the way you do now and i am so sorry that you have to go through this. im so sorry. <3 you. sharla
from zerodoll :
i wish i could make you feel better but i know i cant. but i have felt the way you do now and i am so sorry that you have to go through this. im so sorry. <3 you. sharla
from brokenmirror :
Honey, sweet love, please don't do it, please plase don't. I love you, I care, I'm ALWAYS here for you. You're not alone, and I don't want to lose you. I don't want you to die for the most selfish reason: because I love. Please stay here, please stay just for another day. Don't give up. I'm here. Your tears ae never alone.
from just-fine :
oh no, *hugs you very tightly* i'm sorry your feeling so crap. can't you talk to me? <3
from secretshame :
oi, i love you and i know you are so alone right now and you wanna die but live because a girl you dont even know who lives across the world from you, thinks you deserve to. xoxo
from brainwashed3 :
talk, it supposedly makes you better, just sit back and enjoy silence, it is a healer, i have a NEW diary, its beat-me its ok, well, please, if you EVER EVER have anything to talk about, please do ask, i know that i might sound like a preacher at the moment, it is only cause i am strong, when i am weak, i am a hypocrit to my own words, i know that ugly feeling, i get it just about everyday, but, take care, i love you girlie
from sunbeams100 :
I don't know what to say:( I'm just a random person who found your diary and i can't even begin to imagine what your going through.Stay strong and try not to cut too deep?:(
from bahmoo :
hunny talk to me, i am always here for u. whenever u want to e-mail me (hanban38@hotmail.com) ... do whatever u want with the e-mail address. i just care a lot about u.. *hugs u tightly* love u. xXx
from bahmoo :
yup.. indeedy doo.. =) take care hun. xXx... please take care.
from bahmoo :
my grandpa was born in kettering.. soo i go near there sometimes. =P i know where u is living. =)
from bendme :
i'm a sagatarious too. my birthday is 19 days after yours. <3
from cherry-girl :
<3 feel better!!! :D beth
from brainwashed3 :
fasting, i do that from time to time... please TRY to do me a favor, please TRY to eat one meal and keep it in for 1 whole day... if you can, i will ummm... give you a great BIG kiss... love you and stay strong...kitti
from broken-place :
i know how you feel but you got to fight back. feeling like that is bad bad bad..... take care.
from lovealot69 :
i havent talk 2 u in awhile email me @ grace@alloymail.com so i can talk to u.
from brainwashed3 :
hurt, it comes to play for a while, you grow weak, your mind will beat it out, i know that it will, you WILL grow strong... i love you, my heart is with you...kitti
from bahmoo :
hurt is a good way to describe how im feeling too. hold on hunny. love u. xXx
from shatteredcry :
You're right, in what you wrote in my note. Being surrounded by happiness can hurt. I read through your diary, and I can relate to most of the emotions in your entries, though I am not in your exact position. I was scared, though, when I read about the blood. You seem like a wonderful person, and it hurts to know that you hurt.
from zerodoll :
your new layout is great. stay strong, you are wonderfull you are beautiful even if you dont believe it you are. uglygrrrl
from just-fine :
beautiful song :)
from acidic-me :
Wow! I really like your song :o)
from cherry-girl :
hey the username is person and the password is love. i had to lock it becasue my friend couldnt read it unless i did. ok well thanks for caring! means alot! <3 beth
from sad-doll :
Hey! I'm still reading but I haven't kept in touch :( I'm so glad you got rid of the counciller. I hope everything is okay I love the new layout I will check back later
from brainwashed3 :
beating things out is important, i have been offered 20$ if i dont cut for the next month, i am determined, and i hope that i can do this, i hate the way that i am, i hate the way that i look, i hate the way that i feel, and i want to cut, but, i am trying to be good, i hope you can do this well... i love you kitti
from crazeedevil :
Hi sweetie, I hope youre ok? Its been a while since we spoke. I dunno if Ive upset you in any way but if I have Im sorry. Love the layout, by the way. Chucking in your counsellor might not have been the best move.... Please think about getting a different one.... Please stay safe, huni.... U mean such a lot to me.... Love u xxxxxxxxx
from bahmoo :
are you sure you did the right thing? what was this councillor like? I didn't like the one i saw for one session so i never went back. lol. take care.. lotsa love, me. xXx
from rumblejungle :
*looks around* ooohh.. niiiiiice layout darlin'. =) how r u? =\ love ya *hugs*
from angellivia :
I LOVE the new layout. Hope you're not too bad at the moment. You can talk to me whenever... you know that right? Liv xxx
from brainwashed3 :
thank you much, i dont know, i am just fucking lost... but i am glad that someone like me.... keep on loving kitti
from acidic-me :
Ello! Just wanted to say I like your new layout :o)
from purplelagoon :
I have had to lock my diary, the username is everyone and the password is 147212. Bye. Purplelagoon.
from ed-is-dead :
Thanks for what honey? I don't understand ur prfile comment cos I am a BIG STUPID GOAT.
from sb1rustybg :
You're right...it really is a disease, one that you can't stop. You can choose to let it control your life, or you can do something about it. You can get help. I had a good weekend..my parnets came, and i didn't binge and purge. They are the most stressful people that i have ever been around... But i managed not to turn to my eating disorder. Five months ago i would have binged as soon as we sat down to eat at the restaurant we were at. Anyway---i gotta go to class, i'll talk toy ou later. bye!
from xbrokengurlx :
Hows that song comin' along eh? hehe, xoxo <3
from psycho-chik :
Thanx for leaving me a note. Glad you like it.
from never-free :
I love your writing and your diary... keep writing, and hang in there, you're not alone.
from hiddenapathy :
Your not so fake, you know, there are just parts of yourself you don't show. Its all a part of you. <3
from lostunicorn :
You do performing Arts, quality. I did performing Arts A level and am currently studying drama at uni. If you ever need any help just ask:)
from prettywaste :
Thanks for leaving me a note. it made me so happy ^_^ - your diary rocks :D
from sb1rustybg :
You left me a message awhile back.... Like, months ago. I dont remember how long its been. I just read alot of your diary...and i feel like i'm reading my diary of a year ago. I know where you are... EXACTLY where you are. I've been overweight, underweight, and at a normal weight... I've been eating next to nothing, exercising for hours every day, and binging and purging during my every waking second. I reached a point (many times) that i didn't want to live anymore. I just didn't care... I cut my body up and abused myself as much as i could, hoping that i could just end up dead. Then i realized something. Yes, i hated my life. But i wasn't truely LIVING. I was just existing...my disease had total control over me, i was powerless to fight against it. Teh more i tried to fight, the stronger it got. I made the best decision in my life, to come to treatment. It was scary...SO scary...and the hardest thing, by far that i've ever done. But it has all been worth it. I have a life now... I met a God that loves me more than i can imagine.... I want to tell you that there IS hope for you. You have a disease...bulimia is a DISEASE, just like cancer,...and it isn't your fault. You really CANNOT control your binging and purging and your self hatred... But you do have the responsibility to treat your disease. I'm still in treatment now... At an awesome treatment center in Texas (shadesofhope.com/) and i would invite you to check it out. I know you're seeing a counselor and everything... I was doing that too, and i would just lie to her. There is hope, If you want it. You can choose whether to live or die. Keep reading my diary... I will keep posting, and i'll keep reading yours. Leave me a note!
from depressedme :
Hey I just got urnote and sure you can read my diary! your us is sharpsecret and your password is depressedme! well I hope you like it!!!thanxs
from fallensilent :
wow that is quite a compliment.. i thank you so much xo.
from quantum87 :
.Thankyou for your note mon ami.. You are the one that deserves the compliments, not moi. .xo.
from xbrokengurlx :
Thank you for your comments :) If you want to write a song about it go for it...but I want to hear it! Heh.. :) xoxo <3
from crazeedevil :
Heya darlin, Im gonna eat properly, I really am gonna try not to go down that road. I love u, xxxxxxxxx
from xtornintwox :
hey thnx for the note :) it made me feel good to know that at least sumbody was reading my thoughts and not thinkin im a lunatic :) thnx for understanding :)
from hungerbites :
I just read the note you left on my diary, thank you - it means a lot, and I love your diary too. Take care.
from purplelagoon :
I'm not really sure what I want to say exactly, I just really wanted to remind you that I care about you and I hate to see you hurting.
from deadpassive :
Thank you for the note. Im sad to hear that you understand (having ana is ones life isnt a blessing). Are you in recovery? Thanks for the note once again, I didnt know that somebody out there was reading. Wish you the best and Id love to hear from you again.
from soon2bskinny :
hey thanks for the sweet note you left me! Sorry it took me so long to check them, i forgot I had it active. Anyways im adding ya to my favs :) Take care!
from stop-pro-ana :
Thanks for the comment and good luck in getting better.
from fit-bird11 :
Hi! Thanks so much for the note. Sometimes I think no one has ever read it. Good to know they have. I'm not v. elloquent in it, but thanks for the support. Food IS a bitch! lol I'm adding your diary to my profile. I think you are my first diary-friend :D Talk to you later!
from bloodcoverd :
why thank you
from ex-animo :
I like your diary too... I think I will put you in my profile... yes... I will.
from discontented :
woohoo! thanks for the note, im glad you liked my diary. your diary is quite interesting. later, danielle
from purplelagoon :
Haylz try not to let what other people say, especially people who don't know you, get you down. You are a beautiful person. Remember that. Love Cx
from dltful :
I read what analoveme wrote. What a b****. Don't worry about it. She is so self-centered that she can't care about anyone else, so she sees your concern as being judgement. If she ever cared about anyone else while she's going through this, she would understand. You are a very caring and loving person, and it's too bad that people like her can't hold their hatred of themselves back. If you ever need to talk, just email me at dltful@yahoo.com. I have an IM ID I'll give you, if you use IM too. And by the way, I locked my diary to keep out some people that I was triggering, but if you ever want the code, let me know and I'll set up a password for you.
from soul-mixture :
hey girl! hvent been here for a while so wats up? hope ur ok. dt suxs about ur counciller, rub it to herface that shes there for help.... bad advice. Anyways this is broken-place.diaryland.com, this is my other diary. I write rambles here instead ofmy poetry (whch suxs but thanks for liking it) anyways take care xxxxx
from purplelagoon :
You have to tell someone about the blood... please. Take care C xx
from purplelagoon :
((((hayley))) I don't know what to say honey, just remember that I'll always be here to listen. Take care. Claire x
from nancy-whore :
hi. Thank u for reading my diary, and realising my depression, i strangly apreciate it. I've read your latest entry, i think Im going to read the rest of ur diary because u seem really interesting. U also seem angry and upset at urself because of the way u treat ur body. I wish I could say sumthing to help, but im shit at saying stuff. I hope your okay, and I hope you find happiness in what ever ur dessions are. Thanks again xxx
from curiouskat44 :
wow, thanks alot for that note, im glad you like my poetry, it meant alot to me. I read through your diary also, that's very deep, get better.
from purplelagoon :
Wanting to get better is the first step :) You can do it honey :) take care Sarah x
from mistreated :
wow, thank you very very much. i've read a bit through your diary, and your writings are lovely... be safe.
from brokenmirror :
Your note was beautiful, thank you. Goddess, I know wht it means to cut and I woul really really like to beg you to stop, it doesnt do you any good, but since I cant stop myself... My friend told me to squeeze ice-cubes instead, it really helps and the big advantage: no-one can ask stupid questions about it.Youre so beautiful, I want you to feel better. please take care ~Ria xxx
from purplelagoon :
It may not mean much but I give a shit. Sarah x
from softwhisperz :
i cover my tears with laughter i cover my pain with happiness its a bunch of crap i cant do it any longer x//softwhisperz
from deadophelia :
Hey, thanks for the note. I'm glad to hear that you think I'm 'well written'. I've read a bit of your diary. It's so full of emotion. I'm a sociopath in comparison. I admire that. Sometimes I wish I could be more emotional; in some situations all you need is a little bit of emotion. But, then I remember what I told myself. I said that freedom is release of emotion. Which, I believe to be true. I feel to, too much for my liking. Which, is nothing near as much as you do, but still, it's too much for my liking. I'll never be free. Fucking Daniel Johns.
from dawn24 :
Thanks for the note. I feel as though I'm becoming a bad example. Part of me wishes I could stop but the other part refuses to give this up. I don't know if I mentioned this in my diary but I weighed 170 and am down to 143. I know that is still a lot but this is the only way I have ever been able to lose weight. I just want to make it to 120.
from skelechick :
hi, thanks for leaving me a note (my first). i appreciate your concern but really, dont worry. my eating habits have been a bit eratic recently, but i plan on settling down a bit more. thanks again, and i like your diary. xx
from wiplash :
Thanx for your concern. I know have started reading your diary and I love it. I put you on my favorites. Keep in touch!
from purplelagoon :
hi, just to say that the pains in your stomach could be being caused by the acids in your stomachs damaging your insides, I know people who this has happened to, you should get it checked out. Take care. Sarah x
from cryperfect :
thankx for ur concern....thats so sweet of u. :) i am being careful as i can. i think? i duno my reality is kinda distorted now...so i'm not quite sure. but thankx for ur concern byes
from cryperfect :
ohhhh thankx girl. thats so sweet..well i emailed u the site info...so check ur emails. and if u eva need to talk i think i have my screen name over half of Diaryland...:) byes
from pinkwolf :
hey hun thanx for the concern. i used to do it tonnes, but i kinda grew out of it , but i cant stop now, i really cant. i threw up a fucking mini toffie crisp yesterday. how fucked up/ im just sick of everything. i hope ur ok. thanx for thinking of me, love u, lara.
from sweetfractur :
wow..thats really inspiring..that made me feel realy good!love ya. kara
from crazeedevil :
Hiya. Ive read sum of ur diary. Its beautiful! I can really associate! Look in on me sumtime. Take care nd stay strong. xxx
from aint-nothin :
thank you for the compliment, if you only knew how much i appreciate it.
from isolatedsoul :
i love you my hunny bumpkin.....you are the one i lean on...you have kept me alive for so long - you are amazing xx kt xx
from lost-faerie :
Thanx for the note!!! I like your diary alot. So much in common I think..
from just-fine :
thanx alot, it looks so much better now. Hope you don't mind that i used the same template you've got. I just really liked that one. I think your a lovely person and i'll e-mail you some time soon. K xxxx
from just-fine :
hi, thanks for noting on my diary. I love yours. i can relate to it alot. Most of those questions you wrote i ask myself all the time. Especially the one about lying to people when they know you are lying. I'm starting drastic starving on monday because i'm so fed up but i know that i'll give up and start binging half the way through the week. that always happens. I wanted to ask how i can change my diary cos the looks crap. Kay xxx
from ugly-arms :
hey sweety *hugs* keep yer chin up, hope you feel better soon. take care. x loni x
from ahiddenplace :
hi there, thanks for signing my guestbook. When I get a free moment I'll check out your diary:) take care, thanks again.
from sweetfractur :
thank you so much...honesty is normally something i get in trouble for. I dont have msn...but i have aim? you? or we could just email eachother becasue you are an interesting person and its cool to get to know people that share a lot of the same emotions! kara
from pinkwolf :
hey hun. sorry i was so miserable last night, i had a horrible day yeaterday, but i feel bad for being moody. :( just feel very tired. not nice. ill talk to u soon hun. love u lots, love lara
from dissolving :
*hugs* email me at dissolving@diaryland.com if you wanna talk. your words made me sad.. it sounds like you're going through a lot.

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