messages to sheaabijah:
(click here to add new message):

from turnaround4u :
no judgements! no worries. taht's the point of dl. I change my mind all the freakin time!
from carallyne :
Hey. For some reason the word "again" had a link attached to it, and I thought you got fancy and attached a link to a past entry, in which you explained why talking to people about the relationship in the past didn't work out for you. I clicked on it and it brought me to some spam site. Weird. Anyway, I hope you're happy and hope you have a blessed holiday!
from turnaround4u :
Thanks for your congrats. I'm so happy for you being happy and lovey :) although, it's pretty vague so im not sure I can relate...i want the nitty gritty when you're ready. lol. my mind is guessing the details of your dl, but i have no idea. lol and as always, no judgements. love you!
from blogblah :
have you thought about working with autism doing ABA? maybe you already worked with kids with autism in what you do currently at schools but ABA is very different. i love it. i've done it since i graduated too and briefly considered doing it more and getting my masters to be an ABA consultant but more school is not in my plan right now. just a thought! i can give you more info on it if you're interested.
from carallyne :
Have fun & update us when you get back! BTW, I asked you something in my last facebook message to you. I thought you would answer before you deleted your account.
from blogblah :
I so admire you Sabrina. Like SO admire you. I want to make it my job to seek God in the same way. You're an amazing spiritual person to look up to.
from turnaround4u :
I know how it feels to not be as excited, but to try and stick with it because he treats you well and you need to change the dynamic! It feels boring at first, but it's sooo nice to realize borign might be good and it's amazing to have man totally love you. Love you sabrina! I'm so happy for you!
from carallyne :
Was your prediction right? Do update!
from turnaround4u :
AWW--7 hours of textin and no update since!??! lol! HOW DID IT GO!?!? He sound really funny and awesome. You g uys semeed to like eachother :) Im gonna go check who he is on your FB page now..lol. How was it?
from carallyne :
Who is he???
from carallyne :
Can that make up for me hardly writing you any notes before? lol...
from carallyne :
Wow.. it looks like I have been mostly absent in your dl notes section! I'm glad to see you posting entries here though, because sometimes you don't write for a while, and LOVE reading your entries- they're always so thoughtful. I am sorry to hear about things with your fam... It must be extremely difficult for you to witness, and also to be in a position where you feel kind of helpless to change the situation. When I read the texts, I was impressed at just how loving and understanding you are. I think most people in your position would alienate others by telling them the truth, but you are so kind that even when you expressed a painful truth, it was loving and not alienating. I know that's because you put a lot of thought into what you said/how you said it, and how your words would affect the people involved, instead of just spewing out whatever came to mind, when it came to mind. That takes a lot of maturity & a lot of restraint. I know there are no easy answers when it comes to this stuff, so we just do the best that we know how, and hope it's good enough. You & your fam will be in my prayers, especially that hearts will open to your wisdom, and to the wisdom of Him who is greater than us all.
from blogblah :
I saw your fb status to laura and decided that i would write you a new note =) I, too, struggle with the addiction to sugar. I've never tried to eliminate it completely because I've found that I CAN do it in moderation. But I agree with both of you that it definitely can affect moods and things like that. And it definitely is an addiction in the same way that any other kind of substance can control your life. You will make a great mother though, regardless of the things in your past, and you will get control over the things that you think control you.
from blogblah :
I don't know if that feeling goes away because I've only ever loved Mike the way you're talking about. I loved trent in a high school way but I LOVE Mike the way you say. I definitely believe you loved him. Just reading that entry made me yearn for Mike that much more. You'll have that again, Sabrina and it will be so much better. But you're already so much better for having learned what you've learned about love.
from turnaround4u :
that wasn't stupid, it sounded like you really LOVED him...and you felt close. And your true self was coming out to bring the fire and passion :) PS--How was the date?!!?!?
from turnaround4u :
Yes, Nate and Maryann are RD's :) cute pair. It is sad to think back on missing out on diff parts of life...i have done that in so many ways, too. Esp when I was in Africa. I wonder how much freer the time would have been if I let myself experience more.
from turnaround4u :
So glad you updated!! :) I seriously can not believe you typed that entry on your blackberry! Go you! Sounds like a lot has been going on with your man situation, although no keepers to make your heart flutter yet. Sorry to hear he is dating elsewhere :( I will be checking your DL more now...
from sheaabijah :
That's hot ;)
from stardrips :
haha, michelle wrote "i want more of you" :P
from turnaround4u :
Amen! What great i nsight...I miss your thoughts. I am so hard on myself, when reality is things change and people change. I'm so glad you wrote. I want more of you.
from turnaround4u :
how's the eH scene and Match!?!? what's new gf?
from turnaround4u :
I'm so happy for you joining eharm and match!!!! WELCOME! lol. dating is bizarre-- Good for you for throwing yourself out there!!!! Can't wait to hear more about dates with guys and what you discover! :) The hardest part for me is waiting to see if the guy calls me afterwards! freak out stage! lol
from turnaround4u :
but either one is fine! :P
from turnaround4u :
oh you mean email me updates to post?! I wasn't sure if you meant email me to post or just email to email. lol
from turnaround4u :
ooooo--i see. No more access in your night job! :( Yeah, you can def email me updates. I so often just wanna call you and rach, i dont know why i dont! (seems like everyone is so busy these days!) But any form of contact is good--miss ya! love ya and hope you're doing well :)
from turnaround4u :
How was your weekend? I've been thinking about you a lot!
from turnaround4u :
Families!!!!! I hope you guys are ok this weekend, but all the toxicity makes for such terrifying times/thoughts. I can definintely relate to your anxiety! It is amazing how you describe redefining yourself the past 4 years in Maine and how you have seperated yourself from them. What a great transformation and I can only hope for that :) It's inspiring. I can't believe your dad is going to try to talk you into moving back to NY. I hope you update again when they leave.
from blogblah :
I need your password again!
from stardrips :
i think he was being nice
from turnaround4u :
YAY UPDATES!!! I love hearing about things. You explained about the two opposites types of men PERFECTLY! That's why I used to get so sucked into hookups, thinking they wanted a relationship. I think all girls should be taught what you wrote about :) Sorry to hear about keith! your pictures looked like you had a blast...i agree there are def great men out there. I CRIED at TBL too!! :P My mom balled.
from turnaround4u :
did you start MA classes?!?!
from turnaround4u :
I LOVE how you're writing more....and i love the details and "girlyness". lol. How crazy that all those signs were there and it didnt work that way. He does seem rediculousy awesome! :) I told my mom about Dave, too--thinking he was clearly the one. lol Men are so mysterious, but anything is possible with God and prayer. AND--speed dating? My friends and i have been talking about that forever.
from turnaround4u :
im writing to you in my newest dl
from carallyne :
Thanks for the suggestion. What brand did you purchase?
from turnaround4u :
hooray for set-ups in maine!! lol
from turnaround4u :
Great entry...what an honest, but realistic outlook. It makes sense!
from turnaround4u :
good advice rach! i might try...lol. So was mark from eharm? i can't remember, but I think he was yahoos. Yes, you are right with my sleezy guys....I'm trying to screen harder now. hopefully there will be a good one. I have been to like 3 internet weddings in the past couple of months.
from stardrips :
try eharmony again. refill out your personality thing and maybe they'll accept you this time. i really liked how you can say what you're looking for and how much you're willing to waiver (or not waiver) in certain areas like religion, smoking, sex, etc. that would weed out alot of guys for you. and if you sign up, they'll send you emails letting you know when there's a special. i waited and paid $30 for three months which is WAY cheap for them.
from turnaround4u :
I never thought of herbal supplements. good idea! And no, you never wrote about IBS. That stinks! I'm not sure if i would have the guts to call him, but a text might be fun. I know the cuddle buddies thing is so difficult to get around! AHH!
from turnaround4u :
see what happens so you dont freak yourself out :) sounds liek you guys had a great connection!
from turnaround4u :
WHAT?!?!! Ahhhhh. So crazy! I would say be friends--no pressure :)
from carallyne :
DO IT!!!!!!!!!!
from turnaround4u :
What an exciting time Sabrina!! :) I'm so happy for you in your excitement and courage to taking a new journey...it's such an amazing thing. The classes were so inspiring for me! It's great you were inspired by his speech! I'm happy for you and know you will be awesome at counseling!! Ps--Thanks so much for the note, and the peptalk. I need to remember those things, def.
from turnaround4u :
I can relate to that so much Sabrina...I *know* it's not the man I miss--it's the idea of him becoming my life. My dream. My future.
from stardrips :
said firmly but lovingly: stop with the weight comparison stuff. you're fine. and you look better and more proportionate than dianna. stop. just stop! love you :P
from turnaround4u :
I'm so gald to hear that you can relate to me! The closeness is so hard to resist. I want to hear about these things :P lol. glad you wrote.
from turnaround4u :
Ditto to Rachael, I was just going to say it was a good comparison! I saw Keith on FB and wondered who he was or if you dated. WEIRD! Both things do "blow". Hopefulness creeps in for the future :)
from stardrips :
that's a good metaphor for finding your "one" ...i like it :)
from turnaround4u :
lol! im happy for you--good news! Im striving for that dizziness now. You make me set new goals fro myself...dizziness and poop 3 times a day. LOL
from carallyne :
that gives me an idea. if you have heard in the media lately, they keep saying now is the time to be pushy and ask for lower rates because people rather give you a lower rate than lose your service. so around august i will call them and tell them i will cancel my membership unless they give me a $10/month rate for the rest of the year. they might say screw you, but it's worth a try! haha..
from turnaround4u :
You're in my thoughts and heart, too. ps--love the yellow.
from turnaround4u :
amen!!! I agree with you, it definitely needs to be fixed in ourselves. It is good insight and def a goal.
from turnaround4u :
Because obviously i still have some weird attachment to R, too. what a crazy process love is!
from turnaround4u :
wow...it's so sad. Thanks for the honesty and some details, it's a little comforting to know it gets better. It is so heart breaking and I wish you will find the right guy soon to know the higher intensity of love...in so many more ways. I hope mine comes along, soon too :) how can we get so attached? it's kind of a curse. I'm all for guard your heart.
from turnaround4u :
hey girl, how you doing girl, what's up girl??
from turnaround4u :
how are you? it's been weeks! lol
from turnaround4u :
I hope you're ok! What happened lady?
from turnaround4u :
How was your room organizing project!?!?
from turnaround4u :
lol--ok well good job being on top of it and I will be excited to read when you write :)
from stardrips :
i think that's very good of you to be realizing even if that's maybe just the first step. some people don't even know what they are feeling or why, they just drown. and even though you may feel like you're drowning, you can make yourself think rational thoughts at the same time. idk whatever. you know this. so i know i was just an example, but yeh, that wasn't my intent at all. i'm sorry i made you feel that way. it wasn't about you. it was about smelting and the pictures in my head of my dad and brother, etc. but anyway, love ya.
from carallyne :
i didn't proofread that and as part of my own issues with imperfection i will have to correct the first "there" with "their".
from carallyne :
i was actually thinking of you when i wrote that entry and when i asked who can relate. i think everyone can relate to it at certain points in there life, but i thought that you and i had in common that it has been a huge trend in our lives. i do recognize though that things are so much different for you now. was there a moment when you decided to change? or did it seem to happen naturally once you moved to maine? was the thought of change terrifying? that's where i am right now. it's funny that now that you have made such a huge shift in your life, the idea of staying inside and doing nothing terrifies you. two extremes i guess. but where you are now seems 10 million times healthy.... and the good thing is that even when the idea of being trapped or controlled or vegging around scares you, you have the insight to realize the reaction is not altogether rational, but a response to your past experiences. not that insight necessarily makes things easier, but it's a start. i would like to get some insight into my own family/past to understand why i am the way i am now. i have some ideas, but somehow saying i had a distant, alcoholic father just doesn't give me the answers i want. it's not so cut and dry as you made your explanation out to be. but then again not much in life is actually cut and dry. the last thing i wanted to comment on and i am not sure this really relates to your entry or not, but it was a thought i had while reading it. how seemingly simple things that were said or done hurt you so deeply sometimes and you reacted with such strong emotion/hurt that i didn't quite understand what was going on. or when topics would come up and you would want to retreat and cut the conversation off completely as though it never started. to this day every time i hear that one jewel song i think of you and your brother and why it hurt you so badly that you couldn't talk about it. just some observations. but your entry explained a lot about why you react to certain things in certain ways. we all have things like that, i know. things that push our buttons, because while on the surface it might seem so small, it digs up something deep inside of us. something that has pained us so deeply that when something even superficially represents it, we feel reinjured all over again.
from turnaround4u :
Wow...what a difference in perspectives and talk about hurtful. I got the chills reading it. You did save yourself. That's amazing. I don't know what else to say other than there's always purpose...and it seems like your savign yourself was a clear one. Something to be proud of knowing how to help yourself. getting away to start working through all the pain.
from turnaround4u :
That was very insightful and hearty entry Sabrina!! I never knew those things about you...and great job for trying new things. You're right in stepping out and not being defined. I know you know that people are constantly changing, learning, growing if they are willing and open. I applaud your effort and willingness :) It's awesome you are seeing a student. No, you never wrote about it. Goodluck following up! I hope to hear more if you have time, passion? PS--you never wrote your new year summary like you wanted me to remind you of
from turnaround4u :
yea, the lyrics were great! and here is your reminder for your yearly summary...lol
from stardrips :
wow those lyrics are beautiful and perfectly for you :) i'd like to hear it...
from turnaround4u :
Living at home is sooooo hard!! It's nice to see soemone else having simlair feelings to me in many ways...although it stinks that you feel that way. but thanks for giving me hope that you can relate. You have gotten away, and grown stronger, and gained insight. That's why part of me thinks I should move far away, too. That is sad about your cousin! It's good you evened it out.
from turnaround4u :
I'm so glad to see your update! Your weight issues seem very difficult...esp with people watching. I often imagine how much more happy I could be in a life ALONE. No one else's opinions, views, competition, or jealousy. Weird how people's reactions and attention to someone changes based on their situation in life. You should make up diet secrets and sell them tips to be funny. But that would be dishonest and pointless--seeing as how you're so focused on your own life and healing. it may be counter-productive. lol. I'm so proud of you for how you're handling it though. Not friends before are still not friends. Plus, you're not letting their pull for their needs effect your life. It seems like such a strength. Your tshirt would be good :)
from turnaround4u :
Hey Sabrina! Thanks so much for your comments, I'm going to add them to my locked DL because i need them private. I will comment on them in DL...beacuse I have a lot to say in regards to your wisdom. Please look at my entry...I'll explain more :P Thanks!
from turnaround4u :
Oh sabrina, Thank you so much for all the coments and support. I'm so glad to know you can relate to me--even though I'm not happy you can relate to me, I wish no one could. It sucks! I don't know how you kept it in all these months--I barely remember reading all these little details. but I guess there's only so many details a person can possibly write. I wish you could come over, too!! Watch TLC and sip hot cocoa--or herbal tea-lol--lay there in pajamas. I totally agree with you in that EVERYTHING MEANS SOMETHING. How do these men just turn off their sense of us and how much we actually DID mean to them? It's so hurtful to think I care so much and he doesn't or never did even care enough to think twice. Or maybe they just hide it better. I also hope for us to not say yes to any man unless he's the ONE. Good idea... I can totally relate to being like, "I hate you for all the hilarious nights we talked and laughed all night. I hate you for all the help and support you've given me." I especially hate you for lying to me about never abandoning me". I did have that talk with him just like you talked with D. It feels like such a betrayal and such a big fat lie!!! I'm so glad you shared with me. Thankyou for the support!
from turnaround4u :
I thought you were going to update DL last night!?
from turnaround4u :
amen!
from stardrips :
um, what first comes to mind is that if you're not walking in the light or the spirit then you're walking in darkness or the flesh? and you reap accordinly? try those words?
from stardrips :
wow, so good and amazing and exciting and real and .... too big for stupid words... that's so great and i'm happy for you. i love what god does and how he is. he's the best.
from turnaround4u :
What an awesome image of Him--and how HE wins! But, you know what's funny, I actually had liar Mike tell me that when I was dating him. He was like, "you act like a christian, read these books, and pray...but it's like you're confused because you still hook up with me and feel guilty. You can't have both worlds. What do you want the most?" I was so embarrassed...and of course I denied it because I wanted both. Its' so hard to choose. hard to stand with him. Definitely!
from turnaround4u :
Thanks for relating to me Sabrina! I bet you know how hard it is...it sucks! Even though I don't count J as a "break-up", as much as a great friend i am losing. i still know it will take time for me to not run to him with everything i used to. I have decided not to ever let a man get that close to me again unless he's "the one". I HATE this part of the process. Realizing. Thinking. Grief. No more details of Me. I think your idea of a group would be awesome! lol....as long as we don't justify our actions like you said. lol.
from carallyne :
passion of the christ
from turnaround4u :
I hope you finish later, I am so curious!
from carallyne :
trust me on this one. it wasn't so much a matter of being "willing" so much as it was a matter of not having any other choice. if there was any possible way i could have held it, i would have. it seriously had a mind of its own, and it was my quick thinking that kept the situation from being a lot messier!
from stardrips :
yeh, that's fine...see what happens (SWH)
from turnaround4u :
AWWW! I loved his email, you can tell he is very diplomatic! lol you're email back was nice. i love how open you were with him....and how open he was back. he remembers you in many ways!! I love that he's not superficial. i woudl be interested to see how far he goes into his self in the reply
from stardrips :
but i'm glad he responded so positively and nicely. you have a good standard :)
from stardrips :
yeh, sorry to knock you down, but i think that's kinder of me to do than give you false hope...and girls are so foolishly hopeful. just play it cool and don't do anything you'd regret.
from stardrips :
wow, really good...i'm happy for you and proud of you...those moments with god are so good...when you know he's asking you to give up something and it's superhard, but just because he asks you, it's enough. he must have a plan and a reason. we just have to wait and find out. love you.
from turnaround4u :
wow--very powerful. I'm happy for you! it gave me the chills as i read it. isn't it funny how some poeple can really face their BAGGAGE straight on without a therapist and some people can't even face it WITH a therapist!? It's admirable...and very awesome. Thanks to God! :)
from turnaround4u :
awww, i wish i would have read that entry last night before I went to T's!! Good job girl. You were strong, even though you feel empty now. It's so difficult to resist and move on...esp for me because I think I should at least try. I'm proud of you. I HATE THAT! I def want to see FireProof, too.
from turnaround4u :
Aww, it does sound sweet and happy for you both to agree on it not working. he seemed so honest with you, which seems like a huge turn on in itself! you do deserve the best :) "flowers everyday". lol
from stardrips :
1. don't touch me til you 2. commit to me (verbally) and you can't commit to me until 3. you really know me.
from stardrips :
hopefully asian wouldn't let hookups happen...get on my bandwagon. date around. search myspace!
from stardrips :
i don't think you're stupid. i think you're just being honest. it would not be wise to ever go back with him. i hope in your vulnerability here you never have the chance to go back with him so you don't have to try to be wise. but then again, if you did have the opportunity and did exercise wisdom, how reinforcing would that be in your soul?!
from stardrips :
i think that's reasonable and i would expect the same. but maybe he has your butt memorized instead since that's more sexual than beautiful. we'd rather be beautiful and dressed up like a princess while guys would rather us be hot and in a bikini...
from stardrips :
oh, lord. (about the butt thing). i'm really interested in knowing his reaction to the god and no sex thing. yeh, it was dave johnson who said that to me. my first thought was to joke back and say, "you're the thorn in my side" but then i realized how nice what he said was and i just said "aww, thank you" :)
from turnaround4u :
I love your handbook...it's very sweet, personal, and sincere. The man you give it to should cry :) I was cracking up about the "shy guy" complimenting your butt -- but it made sense because he talked about his butt the day before. lol. He was totally trying to set you up the day before to see if you thought he had a good butt?? LOL! And, I'm glad to see you you can relate to my bad attitude with bratty kids...it's so hard!!
from stardrips :
i sent this in a text but should i just text j now and invite him up to raymond this weekend since that's what i want or should i wait to see if he calls tonight and tries to make weekend plans and bring it up then? text me!
from stardrips :
wow, your ass!?! i'm so glad jonathan goes for my chin when complimenting rather than my arss :p but, hey, i'd take that too!
from stardrips :
just read the end of my entry. i added more stuff :)
from stardrips :
after you read my entry, i added that i did text him back, "you too :)" (meaning have a good day too)...not that you really care. how's asian acting today?
from stardrips :
yeh, we both are probably on opposite extremes on this. you gave too much to dave and i need to try to give more and not be so afraid. we need to meet in the middle.
from stardrips :
thank you! that's what i needed to hear :) i so want to know what he thinks or how it made him feel, etc...but all in due time probably. i can't wait until we are officially together and we can go back over all these memories and be like "so what were you thinking and feeling when...???" i can't wait. i hope he calls me today but i'm hanging out with mandy tonight.
from stardrips :
haha, yeh, that's what i was thinking he'd hear: i just want to get married and have babies. wanna get to it? i SO was thinking he asked you about me and babies because it was after i held ava! i was feeling so insecure about that. but it was before!?!? he was already thinking about it? so based on your convo with him, i have nothing to worry about? thanks for the comments. i feel a lot better :)
from stardrips :
i emailed you your handbook
from stardrips :
it's sudoku, haha, i even looked at it when i typed it out, but my mind just typed whatever letters it wanted, i guess!
from stardrips :
i (probably) will when i'm done with soduko!
from turnaround4u :
i understand and agree with not spending too much tim together....it always kills my stuff. PLUS, I obsess and lose myself. That's what not to do. I guess it's where the co-dependent thing came from. However, with the right guy I hope to let him in completely. Not right away.
from stardrips :
he told you you looked cute!?!
from turnaround4u :
i added jc as a friend because his deep blogs melted me. that way I wont have to sign onto your name anymore. lol...let's see if he accepts me. he might not. i hope he writes you back girl! He seems amazing. i want you to marry him. lol although i know "one step at a time"
from turnaround4u :
i leave you comments all the time! the problem is when you log onto your diary page, press the "notes" button at the top. It goes right to your abijahjane notes. I have been leaving you messages there. Look what I've been writing you! :P
from stardrips :
i'll leave you a comment
from carallyne :
testing
from stardrips :
good entry. my heart hurts.
from turnaround4u :
it would be a fun movie to watch together! I just hope laura comes...:(
from turnaround4u :
That's so interesting...did it work? You cried, but you went to work. That's self-discipline right there. They always say mind over matter...but I wish I could REALLY do an experiment on the trueness of that statement. it's so amazing to me.
from turnaround4u :
No, I don't think it's abnormal to feel two diff ways (entry 2). Becca used to explain it to me as "Making love" vs "f" BECAUSE, it's gentle, sweet, adoring, loving, comforting to make love....and the opposite in other times. She used to say it was fun to have both sides to bring diff to the table and I dont think a man would get freaked out by it. I want to be cherished, too! As they say in Juno, "Pick a man who loves you no matter what...fun, nasty, tired, cranky, etc. It will make your life so much easier and you know that no matter what you do/say/think, you will always be the most special thing to him" (not a direct quote, but you get the point! lol. I loved that quote)
from turnaround4u :
"snarky" is such a funny word...but on a serious note, I would have been so hurt to know a guys bff knew nothing about me, too!! That's one thing that always showed me that J never really cared about me, because none of his friends knew about me, eventhough him and I talked for HOURS!!! It always hurt me...like he was ashamed of me or something. But, I'm so glad you got your prayers answered and had a healing conversation. I'm proud of you and happy for your heart :P
from turnaround4u :
GLAD TO SEE THE UPDATE!! Amen to your statement abotu being excited! I'm excited, too and know I will want to stay longer...good luck with your personal trainer! I love how she's a woman. I always get freaked out by the men PT.
from blogblah :
ohh sabrina, lol, you need to come here more girl!! thanks for the congrats though =)
from turnaround4u :
Thanks for the encouragement...it does make me feel so much better. I am 5'8'' and that weight did look so good last summer on you! Helps me feel more hopeful, but it's still so frustrating and embarrassing. Thanks for the note about sept 20th. Sounds great to me as long as everyone else is good. Rach?? I will ask steph, too:) YAY! 2 more months!
from turnaround4u :
i hate how people always think they can make you more confident in yourself--but really all it does is make it more awkward and embarrassing because they brought attention to the sorest subject. I can understand them trying to encourage you, but come on people...it's none of their damn business what you wear!! People always comment on how I overdress all the time, too. "aren't you hot?" I always say, NO! It's none of their business. I don't know how to re-direct. Maybe I would just tell them it's your choice, your happy, and they wear what makes them happy, you won't bother them. I wonder if they're just curious to see your new body. but still, you should do what makes you comfortable. I think you're right in protecting yourself and sticking to your guns. That's what I always admire about you.
from stardrips :
powerful.
from turnaround4u :
what a sad memory...but what a kind heart it put in you to try and help men in that place. I think it's profound, too. And good job for empowerment!! :P Selfishness sucks! :(
from stardrips :
that's profound
from turnaround4u :
haha, it sounds like a book I got from my therapists called..."addicted to love" or whatever. I never read that, i hated the fact she gave it to me! But maybe I could do a book review for you! LOL... I agree that both people have to be ready for love. We need to be able to be strong, independent women, and ALSO vulnerable. What the heck dude.
from turnaround4u :
LOL about the message to SS. Ok...with D, I just have to say the most profound thing I think you said was, "but really, is he trying to rebuild this relationship, or am i?" I think it's so important to look at that question to see what's holding you back AND/OR if it's REALLY What you want. (that question holds me back a lot of times!) It seems like you def had a keen connection and there's tons of things you cherish. you both meet each other's needs in certain ways, BUT is that something you want/enjoy/helps you grow?? If not, is there a middle ground? If not...what's next? I struggle with all this crap so I have no clue what to tell you. All I can say is all the little hyppocrisies (sp-?) and dependency would drive me INSANE, but we put up with things from people we love. Obviously you might like things I don't, etc etc. I'm so glad you are assertively setting boundaries. I think if I were you trying to rebuild a friendship, boundaries would be vital. Making sure he doesn't cross the line between lovers/friends would be vital. all those little things you do for him seem like gf behaviors, I would need that to stop. Empower yourself and trust your instincts. It's so hard! That's just what I would TRY to do, but who knows. It's so easy to fall into old habits and re-ignite feelings. I think it's great you were honest with yourself. I'm not sure if this is the feedback you wanted or if I over-stepped my welcome. lol. :(
from turnaround4u :
it's ok...i agree. thats why i feel something deeper and the guys play off it. i wish i could be more detached. men suck
from turnaround4u :
wow--sounds like a crazy night!!!!!!! I can't see the fullfillment in that lifestyle either, but I guess I have things in my life people could criticize me for, too. I hope I'm married when I'm middle aged! And look at you getting all the men! That cracked me up when you said your mind went blank and you couldn't think of what to say to him--so he left!! HA HA! I can't believe men are so bold, because I've never experienced it before. That's my goal...to get at least one strange man to put his hand on my hip. lol. Sounds like a night to remember!
from turnaround4u :
RACHAEL's COMING HOME TONIGHT!!!! :P
from turnaround4u :
Thanks for relating to me Sabrina! I thought I was being weird, but it's good to know other ppl can relate. Him getting angry at me when I don't do things for him is EXACTLY what I'm trying to avoid! Rachael's coming home!!! YAY--I hope you guys have a blast, I can imagine the giggly excitement. lol. who is gauge?? SB guy with a body peircing or that's his name?
from turnaround4u :
haha--you are right! I will start the pillow. lol...but serioulsy, I felt like she was my mom a couple different times. Esp the way she always discouraged raymond and keeps telling me to move out. respect my parents. lol on a different note, do you know londi has facebook!??! LOL I freaked when I saw that. And, I need a pillow that says that, too. One of my clients wants to meet for therapy once a month now and I got so frustrated because she's avoiding her issues... I realized tonight that it's all good. if she can only face her issues 1 time a month, we will go at her pace. it's better than nothing. she's trying so hard and cries every session. thanks for the reminder :P
from turnaround4u :
I totally hear you...I would consider that a relationship. You don't have to defend yourself to me, I was just wondering about the kiss. God knows I have had my fair share of crazyness like that with confusing roles/labels. It is bascially a bf...I consider the past men I have dated to be my bf's, too just because it was so intimate and to me taht's what a bf does.
from turnaround4u :
i saw a commercial for vagisil....anti-itchign cream. just so you know. lol. Ps--I never knew D was *officially* your bf. Did you kiss yet?!!??!
from turnaround4u :
haha--a nervous break down in my notes section! Oh man, I can see what you mean about it seeming like a game. To tell you the truth, I tried to reverse the power with my guys just so I could say no and not feel rejected. Then, I couldn't do it becuase I was loving their new found interest. It made it harder for me because I can't set boundaries as it is, let alone with a man acting like he likes me....I don't wanna hurt things or end anything. You know? Wow. I wanna look up that movie you talked about. Did you see Sex and the City movie yet?
from turnaround4u :
Ahhh!! I KNOW!! I HATE not knowing how I feel because I feel powerless over the situation. It seems like the physical stuff that melts us when men stay so strong and not connected. It MAKES ME SO MAD! And how do we overlook their abusive patterns and mean talk? How do we overlook diff goals in life and diff ideas of relationships? I think I would def feel empowered my making up my own damn mind about what I want from T...he is confused and stringy, so maybe I have to be the strong one. It's just so hard to be the one to say no--but I imagine it to be so empowering, too. I liked how you agreed with D and backed off, even if you didn't agree with it whole-heartedly. PS--did Rach change her PW??
from turnaround4u :
The wedding in ny!! Oh Sabrina, I know the feeling of wanting him to try!! look at you being so pateint!!! It's been 2 days and I'm already pissed...even though I feel so relieved, I'm pissed underneath. The last thing he said to me was "don't be a stranger. if you want to hang out, just call. I won't be a stranger either"...EWW!!! I love how you keep yourself busy and find peace in you. my next goal. You are so strong in so many ways.
from carallyne :
did you see steph's ex paul at the wedding?
from turnaround4u :
I put on my parking brake, too!! What's up with sleeping in a bra? I wouldn't be able to...when I fall asleep with mine on, I wake up feeling like I never slept. lol. no undies is funny, it seems backwards to my habits. ha! And thongs--what the heck is up with thongs? I wore one ysterday to work (thinking I was all sexy by trying something new for now)...and all night I was trying to re-arrange it when no one was looking-lol! It was TERRIBLE! I think maybe I'm not used to it? But Sabrina, weren't you the one who used to hate them?
from turnaround4u :
and where are your updates??!? I miss you! love you sabriners
from turnaround4u :
Thanks for your comments Sabrina! :) I'm surprised everyone responded so fast...Thanks for the encouragement and the input. I was surprised at how sensitive he was as well. Sometimes I wonder if I can handle that--although guys always try to hide their sensitive sides for us. I guess I'm being the stereotypical girl?? I feel kinda guilty for getting freaked out by his sensitivity.
from turnaround4u :
hey Sabrina! Thanks for the comments, the congrats, and the helpful tips. I will def keep them in mind and file away the warnings. I guess I'll see how it goes! Thanks gf!
from carallyne :
im repetittittitive ooops
from carallyne :
nah.... he said if it's a hernia i can do the surgery on thursday and then i could go back to work on monday. he said if it is a tumor, the surgery will be more intense and i will need to be out for 2 weeks... so we'll see. results on monday.
from carallyne :
If it is indeed a hernia (biospy results will be in on Monday) they just cut me open, push my organs back in place, put some sort of netting in there to keep them in place, and then patch me up lol..
from stardrips :
what'd the VM say?
from turnaround4u :
im not sure what your note means, but thanks...fth? who are r and b?
from turnaround4u :
Oh Sabrina, the flashbacks! so hard at times...sorry to hear he hasn't responded- or remembered your birthday! I am proud of you...you are so strong! I will be your work out buddy. lol...im always embarrassed.
from turnaround4u :
hmmm--a lot to think about. good insights Sabrina. I can relate to wanting to have that fun, too--but knowing it's ultimately NOT who I want to be...(on a different level than you because all the men love your gorgeous self :P) BUT--I talk about that with Jenny. like about how maybe I keep myself in this unhappy state because I'm AFRAID of the male attention I will get if I lose weight. It's almost like I know deep down I won't be strong enough to resist, and I've proven that to myself a couple times. So, I like the "would you date yourself" advice. I also like how you wonder why you're screaming for male attention, yet in the next couple of sentences, you're saying how much you miss D. Was that a weird coincidence or a connection?
from turnaround4u :
i like how the little jerk is tan already. lol. everyone seems to be tanning so quickly these days. im trying jergens tan lotion.
from turnaround4u :
Sabrina!! Can I just say you inspire me? I'm so happy for you! Can I just tell you, the thought of 139 sounds insane...I can't imagine myself ever weighing under 180, but I couldn't imagine Ali being any skinnier than she was the last weigh in either. And she still lost more weight and won TBL! It was awesome. I think I underestimate my power...but you inspire me to raise the bar. PS--Do you still have your eyebrow ring?? I really wanna see it!
from carallyne :
oops check my comments i sent it to myself by accident
from carallyne :
as for the other question... i dunno. we might hang out eventually on a casual note. but as for now i just have plans to go with her on the 12th and also to babysit beautiful B sometime soon...
from carallyne :
combinated?.... wow
from carallyne :
aimee? .. i dont know who you're talking about. but what i do is a combinated of pulling out hair and picking skin. i never pick skin without the intention of getting hair out, but i almost always am digging into my skin to get out the hair. so under the definitions as they are now, i don't technically have trichotillomania or dermatillomania. which makes me want to start a new disorder called trichodermatillomania!
from turnaround4u :
Wow. what a great way to describe this concept. I never thought of this before "of the loss of something that was beautiful, despite being ill-fated. it's not bitter or desperate or hungry, it's sad and lonely." This desperate, hungry feeling is what kills.
from blogblah :
you're so strong sabrina. I'm so impressed at how insightful you are about your situation. you can get through this and you will. i'm sorry it hurts but it was for a reason. you felt so many times of love and joy with him, even if you knew it had to end. i'm praying for you.
from turnaround4u :
amen to that! who wants a grounded man?!?! Dr. m was like underground. lol...B OR ING!! My man needs to be at least jumping. (or able to jump)
from turnaround4u :
too personal for me to comment on in public. I'm so shy about this topic...see my entry. lol
from carallyne :
okay im getting with the program. yea it's fine you repeated that since it's only you guys. yes i still love it if i'm in the right mood. it's one of things (and this goes without saying) that can be utterly disgusting and degrading and awful if it's done at random. but can be tremendously arousing and pleasurable and exciting and loving when done with the right person. yes pleasurable even for me. sometimes i masturbate while doing it cuz the combination ends very nicely for me.. lol. but i definitely have to be in the mood. because i can relate to melissa's lazy lover comment too. sometimes i just rather not do any work. and i'm pretty good at laying on my backside.
from blogblah :
Quite a question you have there, lol. Well I'll tell you this, I use to give Mike oral sex ALL the time because we were 8 months into our relationship before we had sex. When we started having sex, I realized it was much easier than giving head, haha, because I'm a lazy lover. When he was home, I still did it sometimes but rarely until he came. Intresting thing is this, since he's been gone I've had dreams of giving him oral sex and I want it sooooooo bad! So I told him yesterday that his penis will just be in my mouth for the first little while until I tire of it again, lol. He said "well that'll work out well for both of us then." So anyway... you're probably right, you probably will like it/
from blogblah :
Oh Sabrina, I'm sorry you miss him. I understand completely. I'm glad you have a plan though, work, the gym, church... those are all positive things. Doesn't seem like you're pouting too much, not as much as I probably would if it were me. You're so strong.
from turnaround4u :
*sigh*
from turnaround4u :
You ARE "delightful". :) Yay for a new job and almost reaching your birthday goal!! You are amazing girl, and you inspired me. Even though you are sad, you are focusing on positives and building yourself up. go you! It's neat you can fill in for Rach for a couple nights!
from turnaround4u :
omw...good job staying strong! I can relate to you wanting to "see if it will work" anyway. at least you know. i know. he knows. we all know.
from turnaround4u :
omg--so heart breaking. I wanna come over and cry with you and play with your hair. You are so strong and wise. The realization that you are frustrated bc you need to move forward is so key. I'm proud of you for listening to yourself! How difficult and sad...
from turnaround4u :
Yeah, remember the good times. definitely--it sounds really loving and sweet. I admire what you have, even if you are 75% sure it's not ______. Sounds like such a strong connection. and romantic and fun
from turnaround4u :
What an amazing thought to have--thinking of him and the breathtaking features. Thinking that a man (D?) thinks that of you, too! And that song is crazy--def shows a fear of abandonment. Man, it makes me sad just reading it. Strong lyrics.
from stardrips :
good, thoughtful entry...hard for you but good realizations...
from stardrips :
i didn't change any of the punctuation. i am reading a book on "emotional purity" today and i'm thinking i should say something. clarify/define our relationship. assuming anything not allowed i guess. that has to be taken as flirting, right?
from blogblah :
sabrina i want to know about your valentines day!
from turnaround4u :
HOW WAS YOUR VDAY?!?! KISSES AND HUGS? jw...lol my nosey self needs an update! haha
from stardrips :
hope your day is going better than yesterday. the sun is out :)
from carallyne :
i did. i think i am registered democrat. at least what i told the people at the polling booth (they didn't have record of it) so i voted democrat. but to tell you the truth i'd prefer to be something like independent bc i don't like this whole two party domination thing. and the democrats aren't always much better than the republicans, i just prefer them out of the two.
from turnaround4u :
I thnk Sawyer is a cute name for a girl, too-but I have never met a girl named sawyer. you?
from turnaround4u :
snow days!!!!
from turnaround4u :
It's so hard to know why people do things...and love is self-sacrificing. I can see both your points. I want someone to WANT to do things with me, too. But just having them do it no matter what their mood is might be ok sometimes, too. I'm not saying EVERYTIME ppl need to do things they don't feel like doing. I like to dream that it evens itself out. For instance-sometimes you do things you don't wanna do because he wants it or vice versa...you know? And sometimes you BOTH wanna do things. Maybe like a little 33% peice or something? lol...i'm analyzing too much now, but it's hard to say. I can agree with you though in that it's not as exciting and it might not feel as special when the other person doesn't wanna do something.
from stardrips :
also, i was thinking about the harley thing in comparison to your old relationship with sean #1. even though he had a girlfriend and you knew that, you still looked at how he treated you and you were encouraged by things. so even though you're saying to harley that you don't want a relationship with him, he's hearing more what you're doing, like being excited to talk to him at o'naturals (like when i was with you)...i'm sure you're trying to tone that down now that you've seen how far he's taken it, but this is another way to think about it. i know you don't want to "hurt his feelings" by being forthright with him, but leading him on is mean too. you know? it's all his own fault anyway for putting you in this position. take a freaking clue, man! he needs to learn.
from stardrips :
i can see what he's saying but i'd feel the same way as you. i'd want him to want to be with me no matter what...even if he's exhausted. my presence would be life to him :)
from blogblah :
just do it. it's not so bad. do it on the easy version of turbo tax for free, super easy! mine are done already and we get money back. woot!!! good luck!
from turnaround4u :
yeah, I wanna go. Are you!?!?!? :)
from stardrips :
i think we are always having emotional life crisiseseseses, but yeh, have at it!
from turnaround4u :
haha...good move with sean. lol. I love that you're being honest with the guys and not stressing. :P You make me smile
from stardrips :
i'm glad i don't mind that you just told everyone about my ass!
from stardrips :
even katherine heigl has cellulite
from stardrips :
"sometimes i get this rush of warmth down my leg, and i think i have peed myself...but i have not."
from turnaround4u :
*you have always been a strong, beautiful woman!! :) ALWAYS...
from turnaround4u :
love the new template--i envision your room and being with you in your purpleness :) ANNNDDD Thanks for all your sharing! I think it's really AMAZING what you've accomplished and I'm so proud of you and happy for you! Just to hear you share is inspiring--and it's AWESOME you're willing to talk about it, and (sort of?) accept it now. Even though you say it doesn't seem like you and you still feel fat...it seems like a huge step. And sabrina, i don't know what to say about your fear of food--seems rational to be wise in choices, but I'm sure you know diets can turn into eating disorders because people can still feel fat...seems really scary. You look FABULOUS I'm sure, but "it's not about what I see, it's about what you see."--Cool Runnings. I'm here for you and love you, but I'm glad Dave's an encourager, too! You're doing great in your determination. please dont be ashamed to write. You're a strong, beautiful woman! :) love you
from blogblah :
no way, it's not too much like michelles. i like!!
from blogblah :
Sabrina, that's awesome. I wouldn't ever judge you, just be so incredibly amazed at what you've done. That's a HUGE weight loss! People try all their lives and never do that and it's amazing that you've done it. Congratulations!! I know you don't feel too good about it yet but you will, just keep working on it.
from carallyne :
like rachael said, i would never dream of judging you for your weight. you always seemed so comfortable and confident in your own skin (whether you really were or not) that i honestly never thought twice about your weight. you were and always will be the sabrina that i love and nothing could change the way i see you, especially something as trivial as appearance. i am so proud of you for overcoming your obstacles with depression, for turning over a new leaf in your life, and for losing as much weight as you did. i know you said it was easy to do once you moved to maine and became less depressed, but i can't imagine something like that could ever be easy. you've come so far, and i'm proud of you for what you have done, and for having the courage to share it here with us, even though it's still not something you are very comfortable with. that's awesome girl!!
from stardrips :
i would never even think of judging you like that. i know you're not bulimic and stuff, but i loved anne lamott's journey in her second book i think about learning to eat food for her body's health. i know it's not the same problem but maybe you can reread that and get a tiny bit of new perspective. and i love how she calls her thighs "the aunties" :)
from turnaround4u :
i see you're still single...lol. I think your plan is good, reasonable--to act normal. It is funny how he latched on real quick--and you're right in that you can't stress yourself out to try and make connections with H, when obviously it wasn't your intention. Weird! Did you have time to relax yet?
from turnaround4u :
ps--you are not a young person compared to me! you have a harder job than me prolly....i only work 2 days/week :) haha. i'm living up the student life--you seem like and adult! lol
from turnaround4u :
This is amazing "god is definately using him to heal my heart in a lot of ways." give me the chills...Also, I agree with the phone number comment by laura, too! How about if i take SS number from you and you take R's number from me! lol...oh man. And technically, you're hot sabrina! all hese men want you so it depends what you want. seems like you and d are reallllllly close. and, i agree with rach. if you are at the point in your life that you're happy where you are, not wanting anyone else--i would change my status to taken...because in your heart you are. :P PS--DVB--you would recog if you saw him. i didnt go to the thing, a friend went.
from stardrips :
christian women wear engagement rings to ward off men saying they are "married to jesus" and you are technically "in a relationship" since you don't have room in your life for a new boy because of dave. i don't think it's lying. i think it's legitimate. and do you really care about lying? miss i'm-allergic-to-whatever-you-told-people-at-work-that-your-doctor-accidentally-gave-you?!?! penicillin? ;)
from turnaround4u :
awww!! Did you K I S S SSSSSS? I see you're on his face kissing, but lips??
from turnaround4u :
It's ok! I wish I had seen what a big deal it was, too! Don't worry--issues keep coming up in people until they are resolved anyway. That's why they teach us in counseling classes, even if you say the wrong thing it's ok, because the issue will keep presenting itself until the person finds closure. Now, I will begin to try. Thanks for being there! :P
from turnaround4u :
AWWWWW--*tear*. I have to say I'm loving this. Maybe it's my romantic wanna be side, but he's PROTECTING YOU! INTUITING You! PAYING FOR YOU! CUDDLING?!? Wanting to CELEBRATE HOLIDAYS?!?! Ahhhhh...dang, I wish I had your will power. What's so complicated I wonder...?
from blogblah :
ok Sabrina, you can NOT do this to us! You have to tell us the rest girl!!!
from turnaround4u :
WHAT!??! That's crazy Sabrina! I wanna hear teh rest...dang break times! lol..but I have to say, I LOVED this: "no, i'm just fucking with YOU." LOL...good job yo.
from stardrips :
"'let me know myself...' - reflections on the prayer of augustine" by donald x. burt
from turnaround4u :
it's good to hear you're doing well...it's weird that everyone moved! WEIRD! Thanks for the update girl:) Glad he met Sarah! how's she doing??
from turnaround4u :
*pic of the ring! lol
from turnaround4u :
just so you know, the sea salt worked for like the forst 4 days...then my bump came back. UGH! so sucky nose! I think it's just me...lol. just so you know and don't stress about you. although i do wanna see an updated pic of the! can you please post one? even on xanga or something?? :P
from turnaround4u :
what happened after sucky sunday??
from turnaround4u :
HAHA--I know, I read it twice, i was like "what??" lol...anyway, the website is http://www.fyrebodyarts.com/ don't know if that helps. Julia might be able to tell you more...or you might be able to google it? There's a recipe for the solution in the brochure. It's 8oz(1cup) of cool water (preferrably distilled) with 1/4 tsp NON-IODIZED SEA SALT...or buy it called "H2Ocean" for $12. She was really smart and really helpful if you wanna call her :P Hope that helps. Hope your piercing stops pussing, too! :P HAPPY THANKSGIVING LADY!
from turnaround4u :
Hey! you're welcome--the peicer said our peircings are all the same because they're "puncture wounds". She said never use neosporin, but you can just do whatever works. I feel like the sea salt water is VERY HELPFUL--it greatly reduced in 2 days! Ok, well hope you're good and ttyl lady! love ya
from carallyne :
i wonder, have you kissed?
from stardrips :
BOB-a has a lisp!
from turnaround4u :
good job for setting boundaries :) and goals!!!! :P
from turnaround4u :
Wow...I think it's really profound how you are realizing how all your stuff is mixing with eachother and how you're affecting each other in different ways--yet still BOTH choosing to keep going. I loved what you said about living in the moment and not the future. It's scary not to have a plan, committment, etc, but seems so important to be open...even though it hurts. I will keep praying for you girl--but I'm like so damn impressed the intimacy has been growing, yet you didn't even get physical yet...WOW. AMAZING! did you kiss?
from turnaround4u :
Yeah--it's not dumb at all! did you roll your eyes at me?? (well probably, maybe--I even rolled my eyes at me) Just write it, I won't judge you girl. Amen to what Melissa said! This is supposed to be exciting time. Everyone just wants to best for you...because you deserve the best. Only *you know* what's best for you! just update along the way, while you find it...:P
from blogblah :
sabrina, we won't judge you. GIRL, you ought to know by now that we all put things in our journals that we aren't proud of. If this is what you think is best for you then roll with it. just don't isolate yourself.
from blogblah :
nope, kinda WISH I was pregnant but ya know... not really happening from 7,200 miles away I guess. At this point, I'd be happy just to be practicing the baby makin!
from turnaround4u :
WOW...he got teary-eyed. wow.
from turnaround4u :
WOW...he got teary-eyed. wow.
from stardrips :
i know i'm going to have to be the kill-joy here but just be careful. you're still increasing your emotional intimacy with him and he hasn't addressed what you've asked him to. now you're getting in deep where you can't or won't tell anyone what's going on too. so you're getting isolated with him. no one is going to be able to shed light when there needs to be or help you out when you need to. i know you don't want help out right now. but...i just think of your sister, 15 years later...don't get to a point where it's too late to change anything. i know his not wanting to let go feels good and unheard of for you, but i think there's reasons from him to hold on that have nothing to do with you and reasons from you that have nothing to do with him. just because you can be close emotionally doesn't mean you should. i don't think this is a match made in heaven. feel free to shut me out and dislike me now but "wounds made by a friend are intended to help..."
from turnaround4u :
"detoxing from him"--HAHA...i like the way that sounds, and as fairytale as it is, it's SO TRUE!
from turnaround4u :
yeah man, consistency--I AGREE! don't say no and then change your mind. kids need to be taught respect and apprporiate behavior with firmness!!! It is frustrating when other people don't have the same discipline style/tactics. maybe i should apply that to men, too. lol.
from turnaround4u :
OHHHHHHH Sabrina! Way to pop out of the earth and make me cry even more! WOW...you're going through a lot right now. It's been over 6 months, you trusted him, you've become so close...and you've chosen to do the best thing for you--leave. Wow. I just wanna give you a big snuggly hug, too. And a prize for thinking of yourself first, maintaining the power, and knowing when to walk away. DAMN...it does seem so hard!! And you must feel so raw, after all your honesty and not getting any response. But, you said good-bye at the end, so he might think he's respecting you more by NOT RESPONDING. idk? you were his rock, his beacon of hope...it seems so heart-breaking. I just love you! And I reallllllly wanna acknowldege your honesty and your strength. GO YOU! (even though you portrayed yourself in the letter like a nieve, inexperineced girl--as if it were a bad thing-- not good enough for him...I just want you to know any guy would be LUCKY To have you!!)
from turnaround4u :
i love hearign about your life...and the emo connection. I dont live the pot though. lol. I wanna see your new eyebrow ring!
from turnaround4u :
barack obama reminds me a little of ur Jas cart...lol...what you think?
from blogblah :
oh sabrina, I soooooooo miss your updates! whats going on girlie?!?
from turnaround4u :
Hey dude--just so you know, im tired of checking this thing and not seeing an update!! UPDATE PLEASE! :P
from turnaround4u :
where are you?
from turnaround4u :
sorry to hear it's been a bad trip home for you with your back! That sounds awful! I will pray for ya and I hope it gets better. Is it injured? Have you ever been to the chiropractor or anything? Well I hope you feel weel enough to travel your long way! Love ya.
from turnaround4u :
I have been waiting all week for your update! How the heck was your week and D? :P From--nosey me...
from stardrips :
wow! i'm glad you had a good weekend, to say the least. no news here. absolutely none.
from turnaround4u :
Sounds like you had such a great weekend!!! Don't apologize for the updates, I think it's great you are writing about it all--it helps me see what a healthy relationship should be and what i should aim for! lol. You saw 2 movies!! I was cracking up about how he "trains you" just like he trains dogs. then I realized, its also just like my ABA therapy was with my autistic kids. When they were quiet, I gave them candy to re-inforce good behavior. He is a behavioralist, too! LOL, I WANNA MEET HIM! Although, i can see how it might be weird asking him to meet us. Don't push it, but i would love to meet him. 36 tickles you in a good way or bad way?!
from turnaround4u :
ahhhh!!! sabrina...what the heck!? He just told you he would be around alllll week. men are so confusing!
from turnaround4u :
Aww Sabrina! There's so much I want to say, I wish I could have kept up with your daily entries, this week was so exciting/packed with stuff! I actually took out a page of quotes from your week I want to comment on, but I realize that would be one long ass comment...lol. SOOOO, I guess I should sum it up by saying I loved these readings. You guys are so playful and cute and LAUGHED SO HARD reading the spaz out entries and the analysis of the "it will be over" threat-HAHA...BUT I love how he called you back and things are good. I can see him caring so much about you and your friendship to call you after that! I can relate to you hating how he kissed another girl definitely. IT SUCKS! I LOVE this quote the most: "HE CALLS ME! what the fuck? my insecurities in life do not comprehend that!"--I feel the EXACT same way sometimes when guys call me back...I'm like preparing myself for the worst, and then I am so surprised. I love your attitude in being friends with him and wanting to be the "perfect prayer in a desperate hour"--I want to be that to men, too--which is why I think I try so hard to stay friends with EVERYONE I break up with, although it hurts in the long run. It's great you can share with him what you've learned and how you can give him a new perspective on life. I just loved reading about all this. And guess what!?! He'll �be around ALL WEEK!� AWWWW!!! That's awesome! I hope you take advantage of that. Maybe you can make out when Rachael�s away? LOL--jk. my mind jumps ahead way too fast...nm. Maybe you can "watch a movie" when Rachael is away. lol lol...
from stardrips :
thanks for the comment. it was insightful and perfect and even included appropriate song lyrics :) kudos and eprops!
from turnaround4u :
i hear ya with the jealousy thing...I get easily jealous, too at times:) also, i am natural tanning this year. I wanna work at night and sleep in the days outside in the sun. IDK how it will work, but it's my goal. I fake tanned the past coule years.
from turnaround4u :
oh wow...i had no idea! a 7 year relationship :( I can't imagine! You are a blessing sent to him from God I bet...imagine how God could be using you. I think you will make lots of new friendships and I like the idea of focusing on NOWWWW!
from turnaround4u :
AWWWW--NOOOO! I dont want to feel like that at all--it's only because I try to find ppl. Are you still online? And seriously this situation now was just a WEIRD coincidence, I mean we talked in February and it just so happens we started talking again now. I really didn�t want anyone. And to tell you the truth, I am jealous when I read your entries because I want that kind of friendship :) You can see him everyday if you want, he knows what you look like and likes you no matter what, he laughs with you, calls/texts, visits you at work. I have NONE of that--just someone who likes the idea of me....and it might not even go anywhere. Prob not. So, just so you know, I am jealous of you. I am the loser that talks to guys with no one consistent. :( I mean seriously, I would rather have a stable relationship than this BS! you know?
from turnaround4u :
see that jumping ahead is what kills EVERY relationship of mine. Totally ignore I said anything about a wedding...LOL
from turnaround4u :
YAY! Thanks for the description!! He sounds so cute and sexy! (except for the fanny pack...LOL) And I am so jealous of your pace, it does seem like the perfect pace, although I can def see why you would feel impatient! I love the stories and how he's respecting you. Seems like you guys are really getting to know eachother! :) Sabrina's wedding--next December? lol...jk
from turnaround4u :
LOL to you "hello" comment! LOL--I can visualize your facial expression and tone of voice, too! haha...thanks for the feedback and encouragement. I think next time I see her I will explain what's up and why I hated her saying that. I wanna process my reactions with her because it's prob something I misunderstood or something? Or maybe it's what i need to work on? I'm glad you're on DL, too! keep writing! lol...PS--I also liked those lyrics. Also very powerful!
from turnaround4u :
PS--I also LOVE the "heart spasm" ring tone! lol...I used to have one of those for R, so I can understand how exciting it is when it rings! haha
from turnaround4u :
SO WHAT HAPPENED?!?! Did you intro rachael to Bob?!?! Was it weird?!? lol....I WANNA KNOW! Also, on a more personal note--I wanted to thank you for all your encouraging notes! :) And, I think it's GREAT how he calls ya back--you're right, he totally wouldn't call ya if he didn't want to. Remember you said last time that you wanted an emotional connection with the next guy you liked/dated? I think it's great that it's starting on this level, although I can understand how you want him to like you too and not just want a listening counselor type person. I really hope you can keep growing more intimate and have something blossom if you decide you still like him, but i think it's GREAT how you are able to see and analyze what's happening...and step back from the situation, too. I wanna meet him! I keep picturing him like the guy on the fox/hound cartoon because of the dog...lol what does he look like?!?
from stardrips :
that made my anxiety level go up - picturing us being introduced. i always giggle! is that stupid and obvious? should i stop or could it be cute? ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh
from stardrips :
the subject of that entry is "where'd ya go?" cause we haven't heard from her in a few days :(
from turnaround4u :
You and Rachael are the S H I T. (LOL--I laughed when I read that...) And that's a GREAT sign he only had eyes for you. I always worry about that, too when a guy meets a friend. Can be weird. That was like FATE! Glad you all had fun!
from turnaround4u :
wow!! :) It sounds like such a healthy friendship blossoming! It's awesome to see becaus ewho knows what could happen...I'm glad you feel peace about it! GO YOU! lol
from stardrips :
could my love for you sustain and fulfill and excite you? yeh. that's what i thought. ;)
from turnaround4u :
AWWWW!! Sounds like such a great night for you! :) Phone talking, cell phones, no dog...lol. I am so waiting for your updates lady!
from turnaround4u :
I know!!!! Why don't men understand us?!? I think the first man that I find that understands me is going to be the winner. I don't care what he looks like, where he lives, or how smart he is...he is going to be the man I marry. hahaha---and thanks for the July info! :)
from turnaround4u :
awww--that's awesome!! 2 hours!?!?! And from what you say, it seems like youre BOTH making effort! :) I love how you said give him time to be the man he IS...sounds liek you have a good attitude about it. I hope it works something out! :) PS--What weekend in July works for you if we come??? I wanna get everyone's schedules so we can plan ASAP for my new work schedule or I might not be able to take off. THANKS!!! :)
from turnaround4u :
having fun with the fam?
from turnaround4u :
yeah, just let me know about him:) and thanks for the honest opinion about my email! I hope you are great!! :)
from turnaround4u :
ps--i will look for the babies soon:)
from turnaround4u :
DID YOU SEE HIM!!?!? I'm so excited to hear updates...maybe he will do it for your bday?? AHH! lol...(although your parnets will be there). Im excited for your bday! I WANNA SEE HIM!
from turnaround4u :
aww TWINS!! :) Yay for them!! I looked at every baby yesterday, but brooke marie is the only brooke and Tyrel is the only "ty". Is it them? I was wondering which babies were multiples as I looked at them yesterday! WEIRD!
from turnaround4u :
where did you go? I miss your entries!!! I wanna hear about life again!! :( PS--when are your parents coming to maine?? Im thinking about coming for a couple days maybe. what you think? :)
from turnaround4u :
yeah man! i agree--and i think you're right...it is better to nip it in the butt now. :) good job for being strong girl!
from turnaround4u :
haha---well if you ignore texts so you dont lead the other person on, maybe thats what aj did to me, and r sometimes? lol...we can never make sense of men!
from turnaround4u :
DANG--Good memory!!!! Yeah, his nake was Luke Raymond. Wow--I even forgot that! haha...no i havent heard from them in a while. they sent me a christmas card and I emailed them, but no response yet. I will prob be getting 40+ hours a week with them (which makes me nervous) but they want A LOT of hours...you should get into it! I just got offered the other job today, too!!:( which i had to turn down--you could come live with me and do it instead! lol...
from turnaround4u :
wehn I say "You" i mean everyone!--not you lol
from turnaround4u :
hahaha--kids have the most brutal honesty...there's no one else that could say that to you without you going off on them except cute little kids. lol...god knew what he was doing when he made them cute! lol
from turnaround4u :
wow--that's good to know! Thanks for the info! They are expensive suckers!
from turnaround4u :
SABRINA!!! I'm having that same stupid CHI problem!! mine broke now, too! I don't have the box though and my dad fixed it one time with his genious skills and so now my warranty is void. I don't wanna buy a new one, but I have to--how much did your new one cost!??! I found ones for $98 on the internet... I think you should def get a free one if you can, but I know what you mean about not wanting to wait! I feel the same way! 6-8 weeks is a long time!
from carallyne :
did you really say "my roommate rachael and I"...??
from turnaround4u :
i will check again for what's his butt. ha!
from turnaround4u :
LOL to yours on here! :)
from turnaround4u :
it's not stupid to write about!!! Write it sista! lol to "not yet" comment. I'm def looking him up on mysp!
from blogblah :
of COURSE Mike knows Dane could use me. I drool over him every second that I see him, regardless if Mike is there or not, haha. He thinks it's funny, it's nice having an understanding husband, lol.
from blogblah :
um Sabrina, I really AM in love with Dane Cook. He's so on "my list." I would let him just use me for sex, lol. Can you tell I have a deployed husband? But seriously, I've been in love with him since Mike showed me his comedy tour on HBO. I wanna do him! Anyway, just thought I'd share.
from turnaround4u :
his pics seem so innocent and it looks like he's a family man...BUT you are totally prettier than his gf! too bad no one knows how many times she was cheated on! :(
from turnaround4u :
you should add an 11th "i hate" paragraph!!! haha...i am feeling ok. it think it's helping that i am so busy, but it also sucks because I dont have time to think or sleep. maybe that's the secret--don't let myself think!! I THINK TOO MUCH! and i get more upset...thank for asking. How are you?
from turnaround4u :
That's crazy you saw him!! AND crazy that you met his gf!!! AND crazy your feeling came back for him! Mine alwasy do that too. That's why I think it's almost impossible to be just friends with someone you were ever intimate with...idk though. I try anyway! haha
from turnaround4u :
wow--you're right! wildly inappropriate! I feel so angry for her, too! as you said, what a dick! I just wanna send this email to his gf! he doesn't deserve anyone...
from turnaround4u :
Go you! YAY!!! I love your new posts! :)
from turnaround4u :
HAHAHAHA--
from turnaround4u :
Oh sabrina, your entries make me want to update! lol...i love how you are doing the rules now. That is my goal for this week, too--although I think Rachael's right in that I fee like I'm confusing him. If a guy gets used to the girl doing all the work,. why should he? That's what I learned...I'm trying not to let AJ off easy like I always doooo. Myspace isn't a bad idea...im not sure about the drink part. I thought you meant his cat owed you a drink...lol. I think if you feel like you know him well enough, you can try:) PS--JJ is just SO MATERIALISTIC and it drives me crazy. so clingy. so "holier than thou". he def STILL rubs me the wrong way. I think people either love him or they hate him�.
from turnaround4u :
How did you get the date of your new entry to say "1970-01-30" ?? Also, the book on rules makes snse...it's what Lisa and Gwen always tell me, but they both never had a long-term relationship--so I began to think it was BS. Although...R is consistently showing he cares. So maybe he passes? I def keep failing with Black BP. Do you believe in them?
from turnaround4u :
haha...your comment made my morning! :) I know I have been a little obsessive w/ writing lately--sry! haha. I LOVE the fact that you quotes "elf" because you dont want to make it your reality. lollll!
from blogblah :
sabrina I love your journal! I'm so glad you've come back!!!
from blogblah :
yeah i don't have your password or diaryland. i thought maybe you hated me =( hehe, jk, lemme have it!
from turnaround4u :
ahhh--it's so tough to tell! I hate when guys moods seem to change depending on the day. It's always awkward until you know them better. i hate the "inbetween stage"
from turnaround4u :
HAHA--I love the way to tell stories. I can just see you saying those things. I agree you can be more open and comfortable about talking about sexual things than I am....it may seem flirty. I don't know what the right answer is about flirting because I always jump too far ahead, too. I would have said the bed thing, too prob. I can sooooo relate to the strong feelings and want to make a move, but it�s so much more of a turn-on to let the man make the move because then you know he def likes you! AND--as for a guy knowing if you're a VI or not, I'm not sure either. Some guys like it, some guys don't. BUT--if you act like you know what you're doing, the guy won't believe you're a VI anyway and they might take things toooooo far. That's the only thing I'm worried about. Just be comfortable being vocal with how far you want to go. It's diff for me because I'm not comfy talking about sex, but you def seem comfy! Sounds like you let loose :) lol...I would have loved to be there. I bet it was hilarious-- i love your humor. AND--I think he would like to hear stories about you and your life, even thoguh you are hesitant. you are good at stories, I was never bored.
from turnaround4u :
he never emailed me back--said he wants to talk face to face. i hate that...it's like an "i hope you forget" strategy. we might talk tonight?
from turnaround4u :
WHAT HAPPENED?!?! UPDATE! lol...
from turnaround4u :
BRINA! lol---jk! I am sooooooo excited for you! I am def going to look him up on myspace. He's a social worker!! That means he prob has a great heart for helping/caring. AWWW--I can't wait. Let me know how it goes! POST ASAP! haha....
from blogblah :
Remember? How could I forget! Sabrina, I should've know me writing porn emails would spark a comment outta you, you horn ball! hehe
from turnaround4u :
haha--thanks.. not sure if it's a good thing or not. i am content being single right now, too...but I thought i might as well see what's out there since R keeps pushing me away. how's your guy action!?! Are you still talking to that man!?
from turnaround4u :
I TOTALLY AGREE! I'm def not even a little interested in him...Let's get together with STeph! Maybe i will ask her to come to Maine with me?! ha....ttyl gf!
from turnaround4u :
haha--you're right, it's not as fun. but it gets better for me anyway? Phone makes it better...keep me posted on the situation!
from turnaround4u :
that's so great--and isn't it such a powerful realization to discover that just because he wasn't the "right one" God has for you, does NOT mean you are UNLOVEABLE! I struggle with that so much--in fact I think it's what holds me back. What a wise statement! :) Sounds like you are moving on and and I'm so HAPPY for ya!! :)
from turnaround4u :
PS--I TLKED TO Black BP today! :) (see my entry if interested) lol
from turnaround4u :
Oh Sabrina!! That's so tough because he transmitted some *hope* which is almost impossible NOT to get your hopes up...awww...Good job not being "that girl"--I need to work on that! lol
from turnaround4u :
You wrote it in SPANISH!! THAT IS SO FUNNYYYYYYY! lol...A+ for creativity. :-) Keep me updated on NJ man. I am excited! I would LOVE for you to come visit sometime! :)
from carallyne :
i know my password is TOO long. i have to type it in whenever i want to look at my diary, because my computer doesn't save the username or password, like my old computer did. i will change it soon. but, by the way.. i just tried to get into your diary and it looks like it's password protected, which i don't recall from before. can you let me know what the password is?
from turnaround4u :
yessssss--I know I am so messed up! He asked, and I couldn't say no, although I was trying to avoid it all night. I didn't like it, I wouldn't do it again, and I kept thinking about R...and wishing it was him. So obviously, it was a mistake because I'm not strong enough to say no. (I deleted your comment bc it was too revealing to the public of DL...it's ok on xanga though! :)lol) but lol to your comment. It's so funny how we work almost backwards, isn't it? No wonder he was pissed when I wouldn�t hold his hand! I just didn�t want to get sucked back in�I would have melted if I had. You know? it should have never happened...
from turnaround4u :
HAHA! I responded last night, so i will let you know what's going on soon! :-P
from turnaround4u :
LOL....that is really funny! I love your little stories! ha!
from turnaround4u :
Thanks for all the love you're leaving! lol--I was so happy to see an update! :-) I have to say, that's a website I never heard of--is it good? I might have to check it out. lol I found a spoon ring for $5! Do you still like them? I reminded me of you:) haha--about being too cheap.. I know I will be pissed when I see my next credit card bill! HA!
from turnaround4u :
thanks for the note! It's a good suggestion...I have been looking into it, but no one wants to move in with me. Most of my friends are married. SOOOO, I just looked at the apartment postings from Eastern. IDK--compared to free living, I am so torn...I should just stop being cheap and move out. Gwen and my counselor told me that, too. Can I move to Maine? lol...Or maybe if i quit my job, I could move into low income housing---but that would be jerky of me.
from carallyne :
you like the word shit.
from turnaround4u :
That's a crazy awesome price! I am going to look that up down here! Thanks for the info! haha...ps--I deleted your note because I really dont want anyone to know (like incase R reads it), but I did like the comment! Thanks! :)
from turnaround4u :
Aww I wish you were there, too! Did you get the "Awkward" part of my message? I never used the speakephoen before so I didnt know it wasn't hung up!! OOPPS!! LOL--I laughed about taht for so long--Laura said she thinks you will like that part! ha...Di dyou get snow in your Terrible weather? I wish I had been there with you to relax in the snow!
from carallyne :
o i get it
from carallyne :
of what?
from turnaround4u :
Sabrina, that would be AWESOME! I bet you would love it too. Steph is talking about starting in Jan, but I dont know if she signed up or not. I do LOVEEEEEEE it!! Seriously. And don't worry, I know it seems intimidating, but it was so much easier for me than undergrad!! Maybe because I love what I'm learning? IDK...I'm curious to see what you think! What school would you choose if you could pick any?? :)
from turnaround4u :
First of all....I AM SO EXCITED YOU'RE BACK!!! GET RIGHT TO THE GOOD STUFF! hahaha...jk. It's been OVER a year! you don't know how excited I was when I read your email! :) hahahaha--YAY! I am so glad to hear you got your ......(I have mine right now, too!!), BUT--that is so FUNNY you missed month!! I would have been like, WTH?! You could have got pg that way! I would be flipping out! I don't know how you kept it in that long! My password was actually totally innocent....I just was thinking how I was late for class....HAHA--and I didnt even think about it until Laura commented. haha...ok, I will be checking this regularly so I hope to see some updates missy! Love ya!
from carallyne :
yea... i was thinking the same exact thing actually. but i bet if i asked him about the marraige thing he'd just say that you couldn't compare the two b/c marraige is a more serious commitment, and "of course i'd talk to you every day if we lived together." he says he just doesn't like the phone. whatever. boys!
from carallyne :
i'd be soooo happy with a 1080. how did you do it?
from turnaround4u :
hey! No it didn't offend me at all... i love all your comments--they always make me laugh. I just erased some of the comments because I didn't know who was reading them and I didn't want any revealing info out of respect for the person...you know? I just erased it because of names or revealing/hurtful info. I liked your comment, but didn't want people thinking what they do. You know? I shouldn't care. So from now on, comment away:) haha...'making out' eh? haha. Ok, travel websites are: [email protected] cheapflights.com vacation101.com (?) The best one for me is cheapflights.com. Hope that helps. Talk to you later girl!:)
from stardrips :
thanks for the concern, sabrina :) you're a really good friend
from turnaround4u :
"That's something to be proud of"--haha. I love that song. Thanks for the comment (encouragement) Sab:) You going back to school in 3 months!!:) You will do great!
from turnaround4u :
Congrats!! I am so excited for you:) When will you get word of the final decision?!?! I wish you luck! I am thinking about you-- Thanks for the support, I think I make it more dramatic because I write the entries right after they happen. ((hugs)) to you, too!
from carallyne :
yea... bella, she is over a month old now
from turnaround4u :
Who did you decide to send letters to? Did you get any good responses from teachers? What is the update in your life chica?
from turnaround4u :
Thanks for the encouraging message! I have to tell you that I appreciated it so much...you have a way with words, I was honestly encouraged. :) Thanks Sab. I do hope and pray for God to restore me--it was just something I hadn't thought about.
from turnaround4u :
ps--good email to steinberg!
from turnaround4u :
I read and Marcie and Bob from Marcie's Xanga...I have been keeping up with her updates :) (Just in case) AND it happened. SOOOOO...also I think Froelich or weathersby. I asked Froelich and she was soooooo nice. She emailed me back right away and said she would be happy tohelp and she is honored to hae the chance to write about me...yada yada. But if you know Weathersby better, go with him. He is a good dude, too! haha. Goodluck!
from carallyne :
i think weathersby definitely. as for the other one... hmmm... susan would be good, but i have no idea if that's allowed either. usually they'd want to know what relationship you have to the person. i suppose you could email her and ask her thoughts on it. if not, i'd say landi. did wendy write back btw?
from stardrips :
that sounds very nice and sophisticated! i wouldn't turn you down if i were her (i'm glad i'm not). what happened? how come she's moving to NY?
from carallyne :
yea im not working much overtime... it just seemed like a lot since i did the overnight and all those hours were crammed together.
from carallyne :
lol that's funny, i was kinda thinking that. it sounds stuck up to say it. but knowing me...
from carallyne :
yea i started to cry when i saw the show too... mostly because it was so sad for me to see the pain those kids were in. no i didn't get my car yet. it's been a pain. hopefully next week. of course, i've been saying that forever. but it'd be a nice birthday present anyway. are you still getting an apartment with aimee? what do you mean about getting back on the horse? with your driver's license you mean?
from stardrips :
i like the thought that those lyrics convey, but the words themselves and/or the way he put them is just cheesy to me....
from stardrips :
yeh, it's a pretty good song, but i have to say that these are the cheesiest lyrics... "I wanna honor your mother I wanna learn from your pa I wanna steal your attention like a bad outlaw" and the "warm, wet kiss" part too...
from carallyne :
mmm, yes, but not nearly as much as i had expected to.
from sheaabijah :
wow, i never knew those were the lyrics before, lol! i always just sang along to the chorus but didn't really hear the rest. that's so cool.
from stardrips :
i had made splits in that note so it read more clearly, but they didn't come thru...what can ya do? you get my drift anyway
from stardrips :
the lyrics to creed's "higher" fit your most recent entry perfectly. When dreaming I'm guided to another world Time and time again At sunrise I fight to stay asleep 'Cause I don't want to leave the comfort of this place 'Cause there's a hunger, a longing to escape From the life I live when I'm awake... if you had signed on, we coulda talked ;) love ya...i keep thinking of calling you...perhaps tonight shall be the night...idk
from carallyne :
i think it's common to go through periods of disliking certain parts of ourselves. for a while i obsessed about the flatness of my chest (i mean, obsessed, like couldn't think about anything else the entire day, for months)... then i went through a while obsessing about the chicken pox scar between my eyes (same thing), and other things. in the end, i am not happy with certain parts of my body, but i don't think much about it these days, because my quality of life went shooting down when that was all i could think of. time went on and eventually it wasn't the focul pt. of my attention anymore. i think the same will happen to you. time will pass, and you'll think of it less. but meanwhile, i don't know if it helps at all, but i don't see anything wrong with your nose. sometimes our perception of things can drive us crazy, but that perception isn't always based in truth (i.e. anorexia)...your nose might be wider than your sisters' but God put it on your face so it's perfect, for you, just the way it is!
from carallyne :
yea i agree. i def. think he said "josh knew how i felt about you..." to get me riled up even more. that damn boy.
from sheaabijah :
hi honey...i'm leaving you a note because you're a good girl. hugs.
from carallyne :
oh man.. i know what you mean.. i have an irrational fear that i will get violently ill and/or die when i give blood. it's mostly founded in the realization that i'm quite small and fragile. funny cuz i never recognize that until i think about large quantities of blood being sucked out of me. anyway, i hope you are doing okay.. i haven't talked to you in a long while it seems.
from carallyne :
well thanks. i think it's more about the blood and less about the hair though. anyway, i'm better.
from carallyne :
i know. i totally agree with you. i wasn't planning on not taking them. i haven't been taking them because i don't have enough left. i am calling to make an apt. with my psychiatrist soon. no worries.
from carallyne :
eh they also have a significant period of time devoted to prayer and solitude.. but still, it would be hard to live like that, but harder for some than others. just like being a stay at home mom with lots of kids would be harder for some than for others. i think that God knows us so deeply that although he asks us to make sacrifices, he calls us to do the things that we are wired to do... i dunno, just a thought.
from stardrips :
i like all that
from turnaround4u :
I think it def WAS a Freudian slip!:)haha
from stardrips :
huh
from carallyne :
no i was just referring to my excitement about watching wifeswap-- but isn't wednesday a good tv night in general...?
from carallyne :
not so much addiction... you've simply caught the bug of a discontented american.
from carallyne :
hey... you are on the second floor and i am on the first (again). i thought for a second we were on the same floor, but the student chaplain from your floor emailed all the girls with hainer singles, 3 floors worth, so that's why we got the same email. i wish we were on the same floor! but at least we'll be close. see you soon.... i''ll tell you my classes later.. it's nothing definite yet.
from stardrips :
i asked him if this girl had told him that she lost $100 and he said he didn't know it was that much that she lost and i was like, do you think we could have everyone give $5 or $10 to help her through this week?....and..........nothing..........no answer............is he pondering?..........um, nope...........i don't think so..........ok.............that's weird.....don't i feel incredibly stupid............well, then...........i'm gonna go sit over there.............
from stardrips :
i am 99% sure that he heard me. i dont see how he couldn't have. it's a new day now. i think i'm over it. it's silly and stupid.
from stardrips :
i don't know. i've heard he has many options. i don't care. i do but i don't. i thought i was fine. no feelings. tonight i asked him a question and he totally ignored me. what is that? it made me really mad. i guess there's more feelings there than i think. but don't write about this in xanga. i don't want crystal and others thinking more than they should. i want to renounce so much right now.
from carallyne :
They are lucky to have you.
from stardrips :
hi.
from stardrips :
is sheaabijah ever gonna resurrect and grace her archipelago with her presence?
from stardrips :
?
from stardrips :
come visit beautiful baxter. he's a hellion and a sweetheart
from stardrips :
hi luvv ya
from carallyne :
Hey Sabrina.. sorry I didn't leave a comment earlier :( I am really sorry to hear about all of that stuff going on with your family. I will definitely pray for all of you. I have faith that God will take this into His hands and work it out. Keep us updated with how everything goes. I love you. ~Laura~

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update April 6, 2020: Sorry, we just had 8+ hours downtime due to a server problem. Restoring from backups took soooo long, but everything is back and no data was lost. Ay yay yay! Anyhow, hope everyone is well with the virus stuff.

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