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messages to shes-dying:
(click here to add new message):

from ugly-organ- :
Hello dear. How are you?
from barank :
OMG! i'm so happy to hear from u! u have no idea how much i think about u. congrats on ur year anniversary. so glad u're back, really! i've missed u. take care.
from barank :
u ok? where u at? it's been too long.
from mixedmind :
hey my love, how are you i saw u the other day at frankie and bennies but dont no if u saw me, well because of you i have found my diary again from u still having it on your profile, so thanks for that. hope to hear from you soon, take care of yourself!!
from ilubjermy956 :
my mom is constantly telling me to put vitamin e on my scars. CONSTANTLY.
from barank :
welcome back!
from barank :
just checking up on you. please let me know u're ok.
from anniedontcry :
Hey, I don't really know you, but I can relate to alot of the things you write about. Sometimes I feel like I'm dying to...Well bye for now.
from barank :
please drop me a note or something so i know you're alright. you've been gone too long. i'm worried about you and hope you're ok.
from xxplaydeadxx :
good luck with quitting. you can do it! :) ♥
from aurorafaerie :
congrats x
from barank :
lol! i'm so happy for you that i'm doing the dance too! way to go girl, i'm real proud of u!
from xxplaydeadxx :
=D yay! go you! ♥Danielle
from kickme-tryme :
Yay congratulations!
from beatnbroken :
Hello, I just read some of your diary off of Danielle's. I just thought you would like to know that!
from aurorafaerie :
hey, it's sad-faerie here...I have a new diary. feel free to come read =O) same username/password as before. if ya can't remember what that was, mail me & I'll let you know, sorry about the messing around...faith, trust & pixie dust xXx
from barank :
even though i'm not physically with u, all my thoughts r. wish i could give u a huge hug.
from xxplaydeadxx :
focus on something else. just anything else. push them out of your mind. can you hang out with a buddy tonight? maybe that'll help a little...i wish i could say something that would help. =( <3
from xxplaydeadxx :
well, i'm nice if i LIKE you. if i don't, i'm very terrible. i'll tell you mean things and just not care if i hurt you. basically a major bitch. ;) my friend cat says that i'm the nicest person in the world if i like you, but the meanest if i don't. =D thank you, i'm glad ya liked it. i'm looking forward to a happy entry from you. =) <3
from xxplaydeadxx :
no problem. =) if there's ever anything i can do, let me know, ok? <3
from xxplaydeadxx :
um. wow. =( i want to say something to you, but i can't quite figure out what it is. don't kill yourself. you know, there ARE people that care about you. hell, i just started reading your diary and i already do. so don't go away, ok? i'll be here if you ever EVER want to talk. <3 *hugs*
from xxplaydeadxx :
you've probably done nothing. she's made mistakes and needs someone to blame, so she blames you. which really isn't fair, and you don't deserve it.
from kickme-tryme :
Ok and now in responce to your entry: You have got to say something. Start with, "I'm not ready to be discharged". Your depression etc has got to come from somewhere and so to help it you just need to find out where it has come from. Maybe ask to have therapy again (I don't know where you are at at the moment but from the sounds of it you are like me and just meeting every month or so to see how things are going). You need to tell someone about everything that you said in that entry, and maybe you won't feel able to at this coming meeting and may want to talk to someone else. But, if maybe you do want to get it all out so that the psychiatrist knows what is going on with you then you could try something I did a while ago: write a list of things that are a problem for you ie voices, drugs. Then you can look at the list and either elaborate on it, or give it to the psychiatrist (I found that easier) and then s/he can promt you for more information. You are so worried about letting everyone down, but the bottom line is that you must not let yourself down!
from kickme-tryme :
Are you mad at me for what I said? I can understand if you would be, but I hope you can understand why I said what I did. I hated just reading all of these entries and not doing anything, I couldn't not say anything at all and in the end I knew I just had to. I wouldn't be able to call myself your friend if I'd just kept my thoughts to myself. I love you, thats all xxx
from kickme-tryme :
That entry made me smile :) It's weird, I have known you longer than most of my REAL LIFE friends (who I met at college a mere two years ago!) Haha. Thank you for cheering me up and making me feel special with that entry :D I am glad you have changed into someone you can "remotely stand", maybe soon you'll turn into someone you think of a bit more highly than that? Someday, I know. See, life isn't all that bad really. And we are both living proof that things DO get better. Oh and that is a really cute photo of you :p
from sad-faerie :
My original target was always 7st9 (107lb) because that was half of my body weight when I was my biggest...(214lb) x
from nightxmusic :
I wasn't giving you a lecture. I know you've been through it before. I'm not an idiot.
from gyka :
AWWW GIRL, please don't be so hard on urself!?! I hope u are feeling better today.... or soon!! Take care of urself and I wish ya the best!! peace xo
from nightxmusic :
Please don't Helen, it fucks so much up and really messes with your head. Subconsciously you must know that, though I know all you want at the moment is to feel in control of your moods and feel happier and you believe that will help. It won't help in the long run - it'll make you feel worse. Taking this route doesn't solve anything, it creates more problems. Especially with your family and friends. I don't want to seem like I'm nagging or anything, all I want is you safe and happy. I care a lot about you. xx
from sad-faerie :
Ooooh...what book? x
from kickme-tryme :
The book is really hard to explain :/ but I'll try my best. Each chapter is from a different persons perspective and is written as their thoughts inside their head. So you piece together what happened in this hotel, and how it effects each person. I've only read it once but I know I will read it again many more times. It is a compelling read and took me just days to read (I usually take months on books!). Read it!! Oh and there is death involved so it appeals to the morbid sides of us :p
from amazinfuckup :
Yeah. I know how you feel. I'd offer you some advice or something, but nothing comes to mind. I'm sorry.
from barank :
I'm in Canada now and every where I look I try to see if i find you. I'm so tempted to leave you my phone number. I have no idea where you live, but I would so love to run into you. i hope you're doing well. I'll catch up with you later.
from gyka :
I'm sorry to hear things not goin well, and it's great that you are writing it down, because perhaps through that you can release something. I am a cutter too, so I worry for you....! For me it's hard to break a habit thats been happening for so long, but if you ever want to talk or anything, leave me a note! take care girly!
from gyka :
hey girl, just writing to say hello. have a great one!
from gyka :
hey girl, i liked your entry today. i know you mean, about losing faith. i have realized i am not a church goer, nor do i believe much of their beliefs, but i do believe in a higher power, and prayin to that. its good to know you can talk to someone all the time like that.... anywayz, take care girl. peace xox
from sad-faerie :
Hey...just a little note to say hey...I found your diary thru a friend's and I wanted to let you know I've added you =) Hope you're well...faith, trust & pixie dust x
from gyka :
hey, i came across your diary today and was wondering if i could add you. let me know.... if you wanna look at mine let me know, i will have to give you the password tho. i stopped writing for quite some time (rough patch) but i am gonna start up again. oh well, hope you are having a good day. peace xox
from cheekyash :
i'm listening to weird music and reading words i don't recognise. i liked yours
from barank :
please update. i want to know if u're ok. ur collection of pills is making me nervouse.
from barank :
i wish i knew u. i wish we could chat or go out for something to eat. i wish u could see what i see. it will not be like this forever, i promise . . .
from imbrued-soul :
Hey Helen.. It's Amanda (formerly deadlyhope, formerly ripd-romance). Tears of a poet writing forum, recall? Anyhow. I'm back on dland. It's locked at the moment though,but I thought I'd get in touch.Looks like it's about timeto lock yours as well, some people seem to be being pretty rude to you :(. Anywho, new e-mail, if you care to add it. hi_mynameissuck@hotmail.com No, I'm not putting myself down, it's making fun of a band.Thought I say that before you asked. ^_~ Peace out, girl.
from purplgreysky :
You shouldn't be suprised chick, you do call yourself that all the time. If you think that about you then people will start believing you. Also judging from your previous entries you shouldn't wish losing love on anybody! What could he possibly done to make you hate him anyway? lol. Don't take it to heart. But before others will stop calling you names YOU need to stop calling yourself names. xSkyx
from purplgreysky :
Either you get no sleep, you are in your late thirties or you are on drugs. It's the eyes! Get cucumbers girl!
from kickme-tryme :
Whats your LJ username? Mine is smasharash.
from barank :
you're such a pretty, pretty girl.
from purplgreysky :
Send me the password too while you'r there please. purplegreysky@googlemail.com. By the way, that disease doesn't exist. x.Sky.x
from barank :
hope u feel better little one. if u do lock it, please send me the password. my email is uniquelyme@adelphia.net
from kickme-tryme :
Happy new year hun, and I wish you the best of luck with your goals :)
from purplgreysky :
You know it's not hard. Why don't you just come out with the truth and get it over with instead of being a bigger bitch by not and leaving it longer and longer. You'll only make people think less of you when you bitch about them behind their back.
from bluperspex :
bastido. hope you gave them a funeral.
from purplgreysky :
Have you ever been low Have you ever had a friend that let you down so When the truth came out Were you the last to know Were you left out in the cold <i>'Cause what you did was low</i> I think this is more you in the words of Kelly Clarkson.
from purplgreysky :
How odd. Those are the same lyrics that make me think of you!
from barank :
u r too incredible to keep hurting urself. i wish i knew u. i wish there was something i can do. but just know, scars or no scars, u r BEAUTIFUL inside and out!
from ilubjermy956 :
i've been reading yr journal for a while and i just wanted to tell you that i love yr words & i'd like to get to know you better. <3 zoe.
from ugly-organ- :
♥
from nightxmusic :
=)
from such-a-sin :
*cuggles* (tis nia) yay for boyfriends!
from deadwater :
Don't lose your faith. ;~; It might be the only thing keeping you alive when there is nothing else to live for. <3 PS i yuvs j0ur layout, i used to have it. MCR<333
from deadwater :
You know what you need? Jesus.
from qjan :
P.S ¢¾ is my secret language for....
from qjan :
I ¢¾ you. -hugs- Do what you need to do
from nightxmusic :
I hope you can come down!! Coz I am so excited to see you girl, I can't wait! And yay for you liking someone ;) Love you loads and I'll hopefully see you soon!!! H xXx ♥
from aprilfools :
:O you like someone? is it me? XD...? *laughs* whoooo?
from sosorrii :
i love you, your important, i would hug you, if i could.
from nightflash :
I shall tell u more of my Ancient Greek mythology at some other times, its all sick and twisted and full of incest! Luv ya darling Conzywooo!
from bluperspex :
well... hope you get better real soon...
from kickme-tryme :
If you have no unhealed cuts at the moment, maybe you should just take the sleeves off. It was hard for me too to begin with, but now I don't even think about letting my scars show. They are just a part of my arms, a part of me now. Your scars are very obvious to you because you are so aware of them, but maybe in time you will become less aware and less self concious about them. You will be suprised by how the lack of response you will get regarding your scars, and you may also be suprised about how many other people's arms are scared. I had the same worries this time last year when I started college, but to this day no one has commented on my scars. As long as you don't bring attention to them then you shouldn't have a problem at all. Good luck, have confidence in yourself. x
from aprilfools :
i want to...*offers hug*
from nocturnium :
harr. harry/draco are the besht ^^. been hooked on 'em for 4 years xD
from nightxmusic :
I'm so proud of you... well done. xXx
from aprilfools :
well done helly *huggles* thank gawd we've got results onw, we can all relax a bit till september...lol love ya loads xxx
from nightxmusic :
What?!?!?!!? Excuse me girl, this I gotta hear! xXx
from kickme-tryme :
You got laid? Sideways?
from kickme-tryme :
Thank you sweetie :) I felt so much better after that entry, once I wasd actually given the time to express myself constructively. I havn't hurt myself since late January, so it's been almost 7 months now! I'm not going to throw all that away because my Dad got to me, I'm not prepared to let him get to me THAT much. You sounded so happy in your last entry! I'm really pleased, I hope you're having a good time with Conor, whats the deal with the two of you these days? Sorry, but I can't answer your question - the layout was a custom from star-layouts, so you would be better off asking her (she is also called Helen!). I hope your good mood sticks around for a while :)
from kickme-tryme :
Thanks hun :) I'm sorry you aren't doing so well. Just take the prozac, don't come off it like that, suddenly isn't good. And you obviously aren't ready to come off them just yet. How are things going with the shrink? I realised that you haven't written anything about therapy in a while (unless you wrote something while I was away and I missed it). I'm off to see my shrink today to (hopefully) get my medication reduced again. When I am finally off them, and able to live happily and healthily, it will be so liberating. And you will be liberated too, but don't rush it, your time will come. I hope you start feeling better again soon <3
from bluperspex :
sometimes...sometimes, lost is best. cos there-in, lies the ability to be found...
from nightxmusic :
I'm really sorry, I should never have opened my big mouth. I didn't realise he hadn't told you, in fact I only found out about it yesterday. Ugh. *hugs tight* please be ok darling, I care so much about you... xXxXxXx
from spunkyhottie :
hey so do you like make yourself sick????can you tell me????leave me a note~CHEY~
from girlmoose :
I know it seems bad right now & we've all had times where it seems better to be dead than alive, but it does get better. I mean, I can't say for sure that all that stuff will just get better & tomorrow it'll all be fine, but it will be okay. And I'd miss reading your diary if you topped yourself. :) Seriously though honey, suicide is never the best option. Think about all those people it hurts, because it will hurt people like hell. I hope it all gets better for you. xxx
from nightxmusic :
Hey darling, I know you're going through a rough time of it but remember if all else fails you still have me to fall back on, I will always be here for you and I will always love you. Take care of yourself and I hope that I'll see you soon. Lots of love ♥
from kickme-tryme :
What's up honey? Talk to me, I love you *hugs*
from emjstrange :
Kk unlocked it! soz bout wastin ur note space i was avin a panic!
from emjstrange :
Yeh, I love her!! Im gonna join the diary-ring, r u in it?? I luv ur diary. By the way I am lockin my diary but only 4 a short while like a day or 2 becoz of complicated reasons but i promise it wont be locked for long!! I'll note u agen soon 2 tell u wen its unlocked!! Sorry! xoxox
from kickme-tryme :
Sorry, I left you a note below but signed into the wrong diary.
from prgat14query :
It's ok, you aren't dirty. Plenty of people kiss random guys they don't know, it doesnt make you a whore. Do not blame yourself, it is his fault. He is the dirty one. That was a horrible thing for him to do, I'm sorry that you had to go through that. But don't let some stupid thoughtless guy beat you, don't hurt yourself because of him. *hugs*
from emjstrange :
Hey. Im pretty new but I just added ur diary 2 my favourites. Ur d 1st 1.
from kickme-tryme :
What happened? Why do you feel dirty? Don't let yourself get into a situation like I did a few years back.. *hugs*
from my-solitaire :
ED? No I just have a helluva fluxuating weight problem, I lose it and gain it in the snap of a finger... hope your foot get better!
from my-solitaire :
I'm the same way, unfortunately I do keep putting it off, but meanwhile also putting it on... yuck
from kickme-tryme :
Like with the happy pills the sleeping pills wont work immediately. You have to take them reguarly for a certain amount of time for them to come into effect. And remember, you are never alone. What happened with that guy Matt??
from pine-away :
i hope you don't mind but i added you to my list because your nice =) your very purdy, too!
from girl-fix-er :
I like you. I added you. ♥
from lilmama1106 :
Hey Gurl I feel the same way sometimes. well note me back and maybe we can talk.
from nightxmusic :
You're beautiful as yourself, and let Matt see that. Any issues you have don't have to be laid straight out on the table because then he won't get a chance to get to know you for himself, only the way you present yourself to him. And knowing you, you'd portray yourself in a v negative way =P love you loads darling, go with your heart. You like him, he obviously likes you, why not just go with it? ♥ take care xxxxx
from nightxmusic :
Yeah I feel the same way, let's make a self-hate club. xXx
from kickme-tryme :
But why Helen? You were doing so well. You said in an earlier enrty something like "who's it going to hurt other than me?" well the answer to that is everyone. When you hurt yourself you hurt everyone who loves you and that is a lot of people. Just try to remember that. Whenever I feel the urge I think of my two best friends and I remember how much it hurt to find out that they had hurt themselves. I know this probably sounds like a lecture or whatever but that isnt how it is intended. Don't let everything get to you. You got so far and you can get even further this time. Please, take care of yourself Helen.
from keep-digging :
Yeah, names like that make you feel like there's something wrong with you. I love the new layout by the way, Crash And Burn <3
from kickme-tryme :
Ooh very nice layout. I LOVE star-layouts. I used to be a whore to her until I had a custom made by a friend for me. I got my custom done for Winter's diary by Helen from star-layouts. I am actually in love with that layout so much! Anyway. Yeah, getting stoned is so much fun. I hardly do it these days though because I have low blood pressure so it can make me ill. Just be careful hun. I hate to be a nag but it fucked with my head and took over my life.. just be careful. xxx
from ugly-organ- :
thanks doll *kisses*
from keep-digging :
Aww thank you! I wanted something like what you wore [you looked gorgeous btw!] but 1. I can't wear red and 2. I wasn't allowed to wear black! Still, oooooh, I want it! Well done for not cutting too :) You've done so well! Keep going xxx
from happysoul :
somebody's bootiful *kiss*
from kickme-tryme :
You look stunning! Sorry I haven't noted you for a while, thanks for saying that you still care though. I am glad that you are enjoying being single, and that you are still cut free! Anyway, take care sweetheart. x
from ugly-organ- :
You look gorgeous ♥
from barank :
wow girl you look beautiful!
from nocturnium :
i'm jealous of your outfit. u look friggin fantabulous!!! =O xoxo
from barank :
i didn't see your count today. r u still cut free?
from dream-worlds :
Sorry about you and Andi. :( A x
from dream-worlds :
Hey. I just found your diary, you kinda remind me of me. I know how you feel about the cutting, it's hard to stay strong. I'm sorry about Bev leaving, sounds like you're going through a rough patch right now. Anytime you wanna talk or anything, email or whatever. Although you probably won't wanna talk to me if you don't like talking to people you don't know. Well, anytime. love, A x
from ugly-organ- :
stay strong hun <3
from abusemyheart :
i was wondering what happened to you <3
from kickme-tryme :
I'm glad that you're happy again. x
from kickme-tryme :
Yes, yes it is.
from kittystew :
i am proud of you. why did you and andi break up? be strong. <3
from kickme-tryme :
Oh sweetheart I don't know what to say apart from that I love you and I know that things will get better. Stay strong, Helen. xxx
from ripd-romance :
You're right. Gonna kill the 'rents? I'll do it for you if you like, it'll releive some tension. ^_~
from somber-death :
Haha, The States aren't all they're cracked up to be, love. But I hope you enjoy your trip. I've actually done a report on New Hampshire. o.0 Hope it's as nice as it sounds. <333 Somber
from kickme-tryme :
LOL. Sorry you can't update though, how have you been? Would you like me to make you any diaryrings? If you do then let me know what you want it to be called and give me a short description for it. Note me back hun! xxx
from basal :
hi
from kickme-tryme :
Try ice cubes in your hands. Stay strong! xXx
from indypunk :
Happy B'day darling! ^_^ sweet 16 :p
from deadlyhope :
*cuddles* Well, happy birthday...
from kickme-tryme :
Happy birthday sweetheart, I'm so sorry that it's so bad. I always find birthdays hard, along with Christmas. But you'll be having a party right? That'll be a good chance for life to show you what this is really all about! I know what you mean, how it's easier to remember the bad stuff. I used to always do that but now I block them out, try to anyway. Remember the good things, think of Andi, think of all your friends, think of your sister, and anything else that works. And she won't break you, you ARE too strong for that, and you HAVE made too much progress to back track. You're amazing and I love you, I probably don't tell you often enough though :) Yay for being 16! - Wow can you believe that we were 14 when we first met? It's been almost two years! xXx [just signed the g-book but thought I'd say the same here as I havnt been getting notification when people sign]
from laydeejane :
Heya doll Happy Birthday, seriously, take advantage, wish I was 16 again!!!
from deadlyhope :
Tears actually welled in my eyes when I read that. I'm so glad that you're happy and that you think you're getting better. I'm so proud of you and that you've come to terms with everything that's happened. <3
from deadlyhope :
It definetly entertained me for a good 15 minutes. :)
from keep-digging :
Hehe, thank you. One day I'm gonna make everyone t-shirts, they seem to be oddly popular.
from kickme-tryme :
Viral infection is a long way of saying virus. And well done for not cutting in so long! I'm so happy and proud for you! Thanks for what you said about the layout for Winter, I just can't stop looking at it! I printed off the image and it's now in his special box. The pill eh? Yeah it's not bad, I recomend it, condoms are such a pain. XxxX
from deadlyhope :
oh, my lovely. I know it's hard, I've been there and I've felt the same way as you. If the prozac isn't working, ditch it. Medication isn't always the answer, in fact, it seldom is. I know it hurts, I know how badly you just want to give up but there is more to the picture. If you live to die, then why have people in the past died for all of us to live? People love you, the earth loves you. I'm not going to say the world loves you because there will always be people who hate and want to bring you down but you just have to forget about those cowards and hold on to the people who want you to be happy. Hold close the people whom you love and never forget that there's ALWAYS something more to life then there appears to be.
from somber-death :
I can relate to you. <3 Somber
from kickme-tryme :
Hey, thanks for the note, I'm feeling so down and alone right now so it means a lot. And now in responce to your "100 things about me". Yep, I have only thrown up from drink twice too. You've been stoned?! Didn't tell me! Black red and purple are definitley the best colours. And yes, long socks and neighbours kick ass, I try not to watch holluoaks because i know i'll get addicted but it is good. I write diary entries in my head too! But i thought it was just me so didnt want to say anything lol. Order and clean, everything must be clean and in order.. tidy tidy tidy. Yep the chain mail inventer deserves to die. I want to meet you, stupid really that we are in the same tiny country but still so far away. Let me know when you are next in bristol..lol.. xxx
from sleeveless- :
A new one will be in your mail soon.
from stay-withme :
i really like your layout. :D
from sleeveless- :
Sure! I'll have it in my mail asap!
from abusemyheart :
im unlocked
from deadlyhope :
You will *not*. We all believe in you. xDeadx
from deadlyhope :
pssha. Merry Christmas, huh? *rolls eyes and growls to self* RAWR!!
from mixedmind :
hello m8, u r perfect and even thought u think that girl is perfect it doesn't matter because everybody is perfect in different ways. U r a perfect friend and i dont no what i would do without u and u r perfect in lots of different ways, it is just you feel you cant see ureself as been perfect when i and others c u as perfect and it shines everywhere you go *hugs*. U r also pretty and dont doubt ureself. bye, xxhannahxx I no it is easy for me to say that above, when you feel different but everyone's feelings are different. I am sorry if i have upset you in anyway. What is above i consider to be the truth. But everyone has different opinions.
from abusemyheart :
thank you :)
from deadlyhope :
I love you too. I have to come kill the boy now, don't I? I'll break his testicles, I swear to God.
from deadlyhope :
NO BODY's perfect. Not a person on this planet. You happen to be one of the most beautiful people I've ever known. The only reason she looks so appealing to you is probably because she knows she looks good. She radiates self-confidence. Don't be ashamed of who you are. Or your scars, or your cuts. Be free. Be yourself. Be your beautiful fucking self.
from nightxmusic :
What happened? xXx
from dirtyliberty :
hey i came upon your journal and i really like your writing and thoughts and i can relate to some of the stuff you say. i've added you to my favourite diaries btw.
from deadlyhope :
*so ridicously thrilled for you* I think I like this Andi guy. ;) However, that no clothes line... I might have to send someone after the boy. ^_^ Lots of love, xDeadx
from find-katie :
I'm so happy for you. You're so lucky.
from nightxmusic :
Tell me how it goes darling!! ♥
from stormy-hope :
i'm amazed by your words. you always find a way and leave me breathless.
from deadlyhope :
It's great that you might be able to stay with Andi for a bit! This fucking Ana girl- do you want me to "take care" of her? $10 a pop. ;) xDeadx
from death-bloomz :
I liked your profile, you have a good taste in music, and your writing is pretty awesome too
from deadlyhope :
That sucks the big one. Does a train go from Birmingham (I think I spelt it wrong... every damn time...) to there? I've never been on a train... Buses, not trains. ^_^ xDeadx
from indypunk :
BE STRONG! ....n die not!Things sounded crappy but u knw wot....uve got urself, ur talent, andi and a whole lot of 'positive' energy out there....use it n be happy! Btw this diary layout rocks as well haha u should sell ur templates n make lots of money ^_^ lots of love Indy
from deadlyhope :
Does Andi live far away from you? :\
from deadlyhope :
You've got a cool new layout. :) *huggles* Things change but It'll always be my favourite diary. *kisses* xDeadx

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