messages to shewhowalks:
(click here to add new message):

from minstrelite :
You don't have to write me, Megan. I was just going to ask you to delete that one note because it shows up on a google search. I was kind of stupid about things like that back then. Hope you're doing all right these days.
from minstrelite :
Hi old friend. For some reason I read your journal entry this morning. Please send me an e-mail through DiaryLand. I want to ask you something.
from lerin :
I couldn't get your blogger site to work. :(
from missspunk :
I tried the link you provided us but it isn't working. Just thought you should know.
from kellbelle :
I've heard the same thing from someone else and I have no idea what to think about it. I haven't read her in ages.
from lerin :
Are you gone forever, or are you writing elsewhere? You are missed.
from bluperspex :
a merry, merry to you - may it be blessed and utterly fabulous!
from kellbelle :
Hey! Glad to see that you're alive. I've moved my diary. Just visit the d-land one to see a link to where I've gone if you're interested :)
from bluperspex :
and yet... those innocents are so often happier...
from kellbelle :
You are loved... and admired. You are one strong chickie. You have come so far and I'm so proud of you.
from daze-of-rain :
It's not easy to say...it's not easy to do either. The fact is, it's scary as hell. But you and I both know what's keeping you from choosing is FEAR and not true lack of desire for all he is offering you. Well Damn It Meg...Fear only gets you so far in life. I adore you and want the best things in life for you. Maybe, just maybe...he can give those things to you. You know...security, stability...LOVE and TRUE partnership. Those things you have longed for and never truly had...Lord KNOWS dipshit never gave them to you. I wish so much I could be there more for you than I am right now...But, Baby...i'm thinking of you. And it's okay to be pissed (even at me)...Love You
from daze-of-rain :
Know what Megie? I am going to say something that only a true friend could and would. Bull SHIT. I call Bull Shit. You think this hesitation is your independence kicking in? All you've wanted is to not HAVE to be so independent. This is fear. And doubt. In yourself. In you ability to keep it all together once you have what you want. Well damn it, there is only ONE way to know. What's the worst case scenario? You go and it doesn't work out? Then it doesn't work out. Then it really wasn't meant to be. But to not even TRY? That is exactly what we keep faulting THEM for...those stupid boys. For not even fucking TRYING. So, suck it up...pack your bags and DO IT. I love you and I want you to be happy. But, to get to happy you have to sometimes just take a leap of faith. You can't have all the answers right now and that is something he is FINALLY starting to realize. It doesn't matter how or why he got there...he's THERE damn it. And I think you need to look yourself in the eye and truly be honest with yourself. This i NOT about his failings...it's about your fear in YOUR failings. And the best part is this...This man KNOWS you Megan. He's not buying something he's not researched. This is NOT impulse. This is...realization. Do not let your own insecurities stop you. Try it. If it doesn't work...well, at least you are teaching Miss Moppet that life is about taking chances. It is about doing what we do to try and be happy. Love you.
from bluperspex :
amen! damn them bastidos!
from bluperspex :
amen! damn them bastidos!
from daze-of-rain :
Yeah...what she said...fucker. I hate him. And miss you something fierce. I'm sorry i've been so lousy lately...I love you babe. I love, love, love you. I have something to get in the mail to you two and will try to do so by the end of the week (next that is HA)
from bluperspex :
i think... learning how to breathe... will be the greatest thing i ever achieve :)
from daze-of-rain :
I love you Meg. Your words always make me smile. I can't tell you how much I need that right now.
from daze-of-rain :
this made me cry. I love you so much. Maine you say? Lets...
from daze-of-rain :
my fingers most certainly are crossed.
from captainron :
You'll be OK... I never doubt you will be... Don't you do it either... BTW pretty lady... VERY pretty lady. Ron
from daze-of-rain :
There's our pretty girl. What a friggin doll Em is. I want to squeeze her so much. You are so beautiful. And your eyes are shining. (what a doll boy is too) I'm glad to know you had a good day. Come see me!!!! And bring that princess
from hertinyhands :
Absolutely wonderful to see you so happy. ;)
from kellbelle :
I tried emailing you and it bounced. Have you changed emails recently?
from kellbelle :
And suddenly she steps into the light :) I can't wait to see you and Em.
from daze-of-rain :
always love, always
from gypsy-poet :
If the destination is a place where you are happy, loved and feel confident about your life..then I am here to follow along on the journey and wish you well each step of the way...
from kellbelle :
You always ALWAYS always have a choice. It's just that sometimes people are more willing to do some things than others. If you decide you're not willing to do it, that doesn't mean you don't have a choice.
from daze-of-rain :
I love you babe
from hertinyhands :
I've missed you. I could have written some of the exact same words to J. I am glad you are out of the relationship. Remember, your heart is strong and it hasn't broken despite all the horrible things you've been through so far.
from cassiopeia- :
WELCOME BACK!
from cindreviews :
Cinderella Reviews is a brand new review site. So if you would like a review please come and check us out at http://cindreviews.diaryland.com/ . We hope to be hearing from you soon. Thank You!
from plopphizz :
Hey, I don't know what exactly happened. I had it in my head that you weren't updating any more, and then I saw I didn't have you on my list. Best I can figure it was a cut and paste error as I was moving around new people. But now it looks like you are locking up, so...so much for my timing. Anyway, let me know if you plan on continuing your writing or not. -- P.P.
from science-boy :
I hope you weren't sad about me!! If so, I picked the right day to come back!! Check your email!!
from hamiltonian :
Well I am here and would like to keep reading...
from hamiltonian :
I am not one for resolutions for resolutions/new years sake either.
from cassiopeia- :
Happy Thanksgiving--kisses, cassie
from reflectohymn :
Well, it sounds like you're on the right track now, but too bad that dream guy turned out to be gay. Anyway, this is Andy, and I'm inviting you to read my new locked diary at http://reflectohymn.diaryland.com - your password is "stargazer."
from hamiltonian :
Krystal.. havent had that in awhile...
from daze-of-rain :
What a way to spend your birthday eh? I just tried calling...left a message...hope to hear from you soon. LOVE YOU!!!!
from lightmytorch :
I have no idea who you are, but warcry says it's your birthday :) So have a good 'un.
from gypsy-poet :
I heard it was your B-day sweetie... I hope your day is as wonderful as you are.
from whatloveisnt :
I would have if there hadn't been so many kids around. I usally do have a big mouth, and bitch away. But I figure she's not worth it. Also good to see that your better today! Have a good day and happy friday!!
from minstrelite :
What happened was: I deleted some 200 entries in August of 2003, thinking they were "not of God" when I was a little too weird in my walk after first coming back to the Lord and to a heavy Baptist church. Later that year I deleted all my entries and published 66 of them into a book. I was afraid they'd get stolen if I left them online, and I thought my writing was too good. Then, at some point after May 15, I noticed that all remaining entries prior to May 15 reflected delusional disorder, and were also usually incoherent and full of mis-spellings as well as bizarre notions about having met angels in psych ward and you-name it. THAT time I actually was trying to hide from my past. I'm more open about things now, as the Lord is gradually delivering me from delusion, praise His Name, Jesus. I wrote a musical about it: http://www.burdenproject.com
from minstrelite :
Thank you too, Megan!
from minstrelite :
Wow - I didn't update for three whole months? I was pretty out of it there for a while. I was locked up in two mental hospitals, you know, earlier this year. Things got weird on strange psych meds I shouldn't have been taking. The meds landed me in the psych wards, and they kept giving me more and more meds for more and more disorders. On May 15 I threw them all away, and gradually became myself again. Then started to update again. Quite an adventure it was.
from minstrelite :
Amen, sister. And friend.
from minstrelite :
Of course I remember you! Why would I not? I've looked at your journal from time to time, too. I guess I didn't comment because I noticed you had removed me from your favorite list, so I figured you were mad at me. Anyway, I'm glad you're not, and it's good to hear from you again, Megan.
from minstrelite :
Actually, I do know you Megan, and you did have that name before. I know you by two names. In fact, yours is the first note I saved months ago in my notes. You wrote "hope you're feeling better" when I was sick over Christmas time. Thanks for coming back. It'll be good to relate with you again, and I hope you're doing well.
from long-ignored :
thanks so much for the add (smile)
from hamiltonian :
awesome entry!
from xnavygrrl :
I'm sorry you are going through so much right now. The emotions you described are very familiar to me. Never forget that even though you may feel like it, you are not alone. I've been there too, and I know it sucks.
from rickscafe :
I hope my last note was taken in the spirit that it was written: open and honest and with the best of intentions. I mentioned "mistakes", only because I made a mistake and had to go back and edit my survey.
from rickscafe :
Hey... I amended my survery note about loving you. You are loved. You are noticed. You are allowed to make mistakes.
from plopphizz :
Thanks for the comment. I'm afriad I haven't been following up as well as I should have with our discussions on deep philosophical and religious subjects because...well, I know you would probably want to hear something really profound, but the answer is: I ran out of time on the library due date for the books :). I really need to get back and do some reading, heh. -- P.P.
from daze-of-rain :
lmao you beat me with signing my own notes on accident by signing my comments with MY name. lol (at least I'm 99.9% it was you...it sure sounded like you!) thanks for the note my dear one
from kellbelle :
That's not being anal :) That's being a concerned friend. I'm glad that you said something to me :)
from daze-of-rain :
thank you so much for the kindness you shared in your comment about me!!! thank you Meggie. I so adore you and am really thankful for our friendship. ALSO, Your notes have been amazing and made my day...thank you!!!
from la-blue-eyez :
Your entry today hit very very close to home with me. Sometimes it's so strange how on the exact same day I feel or thing something, I go and read your entries, and you've already said it.
from hamiltonian :
Yes your right.... I just have to keep fighting this and continue on no matter what...
from hamiltonian :
one may go one living and do ones best but it may not make them whole and happy despite all they may do.... I have had horrible things happen and I feel wounded though i continue to live and do what I can to strive towards happiness , i am not happy though, but I can say I do my best
from hamiltonian :
despite ones philosophy religion and no matter hwo disciplined they are.. how happy they are things can happen in life beyond ones control that leave one shattered.
from science-girl :
You have e-mail. :-)
from incredipete :
Abby's great! Unfortunately I have been at home with a nasty migraine all day. But I feel better now, so life is good... :)
from incredipete :
Hi sweets. I just wanted to drop by and say hello so you wouldn't think I dropped off the edge of the earth or something. My puppy is spewing poo everywhere which has kept me quite busy following her around with the bottle of resolve...
from gypsy-poet :
Learning from our mistakes is, in my opinion, one of lifes hardest lessons. Although the end result is usually a positive thing, being able to see, with clarity, the outcome at the begining is oft times impossible. If I had any gift to give to those I loved, it would be the gift of foresight... being able to spare people the pain of having to make mistakes.. although a lot of time, mistakes can morph into wonderful revelations about ones self... another catch 22...
from gypsy-poet :
I don't know if that would be a good thing... somehow it is easier to help others than to help one's own self, and what I have learned has taken me years of living and some terrible situations to make me open my own eyes and be able to spot unhealthy relationships... with time and experience wisdom does follow, it is just unfortunate we have to learn from bad choices and mistakes..
from gypsy-poet :
Attachemnt is one thing, but keeping people around just because you are used to them being there (filling space) is another. I used to be like that, I used to think because these people were inmy life that made me a healthy person. That is not the case though. When you have too many people around you with motives that are not healthy, it wears you down and you begin to think it is YOU who has the problem, when in actuality it is them. Do not allow others to take advantage of your kind nature. Easier said than done, but better done than becoming undone by the drama...
from gypsy-poet :
The thing about friendships that begine with ulterior motives on their part... disconnecting yourself from them gets easier and easier once their true colors surface. It is likened to donating something to charity... once you send it way you feel about yourself in an unfathomable way.
from incredipete :
I'm glad you like the new colors. I plan to do many more upgrades to my site this weekend, so stay tuned.
from incredipete :
I'm glad I make you laugh. That's always a good sign. There is no comment too tacky for my site! ;)
from incredipete :
That's funny, I like to see a little of my "bad boy" inside of a girl... hmmm. We seem to have a lot in common. ;)
from incredipete :
Well, under my sweet exterior lurks a bonafide "pastor's son." But I try to keep that under wraps as much as possible...
from missspunk :
Hey hun..I have locked my diary, I want greater freedom to write what I want without certain people knowing. I have deligated you a password but I need you to email me to get it. [email protected]
from incredipete :
The sidebar is completely my own choice. You are on top because you are sweet!
from incredipete :
ooh ooh. Now you're on my sidebar! You are REALLY official now. You go girl!
from incredipete :
Yes, I couldn't leave you by the wayside any longer. You are now official. I just need to add you to the sidebar o' doom...
from la-blue-eyez :
Please do! I can't wait to see the commercial!
from la-blue-eyez :
That's so awesome about Emma!!! Congrats to both her and the proud mommy!!!
from incredipete :
Sounds great!
from incredipete :
The sooner the better!
from incredipete :
There are actually about another 50 categories of losers, but I lost my will to continue... lol. So when's that trip to KC?
from incredipete :
I'm not afraid of commitment, I just want to make sure I commit to the right person! ;)
from incredipete :
Attachments are A-ok. Remember, I have one of my own, named Abby. (Who's finally stopped going on the carpet, after 3 days)
from daze-of-rain :
honestly...I don't really have an idea of what he looks like...hence the curiosity. I am a sucker for those good with words however. lol
from daze-of-rain :
I would go as far as to say intrigued...
from daze-of-rain :
lmao not a crush...a curiosity however.
from daze-of-rain :
lol well you could always just email it to me... OH< I just turned some pictures in for developing and plan on doing a photo page soon
from incredipete :
I'm ready for that striptease now!
from daze-of-rain :
I am so far from incredible, but lord I love you for thinking so!!!
from la-blue-eyez :
Oh, and I have heard that St. Augustine is a beautiful place. Everyone has told me that before I decide Florida isn't where I want to live, I should go there and stay.
from la-blue-eyez :
Well, wherever you end up, I'm sure you'll do fine and I wish you the best of luck. Even though I'm starting to get used to it here in Florida, I know I'm not going to stay here. I plan on moving in about 2 years (less if I can figure out where I want to go). One thing I will say about up and moving like I did. I don't feel like I have a place to call "home" anymore. I'd like to move someplace that I can create a "home" for myself. Florida isn't that place for me.
from la-blue-eyez :
I will say that it's difficult to not have winter. I've only been here a year this month, so this will be my second winter here. Christmas last year was 70 degrees. That was very odd to me. But on the same note, I liked not having to worry about the snow and ice. Plus there are things that are so beautiful here that you couldn't see if you were anyplace else. I don't know what the Keys are like. I haven't been down south. But I know from Orlando to Tampa Bay, there are some wonderful things. And think of it this way... You could always go visit North Carolina or someplace that has winter for vacation. :)
from la-blue-eyez :
You could always do like I did... Move here to Florida. (Wait until after hurricane season though, which ends on Nov. 1). I felt like you do now when I was back home. When I got here, it was nice having a fresh start and no one knowing me or my past. Nothing haunts me anymore and I have no reminders of my past.
from la-blue-eyez :
You and I are so much alike it's not even funny. Did you get on my "list" pages and copy or something?! J/K But it is a bit scary how much alike we are.
from incredipete :
Oooh... oooh! Striptease!? I can't wait!
from incredipete :
I think it's official. You're my DLand mistress... ;)
from incredipete :
Damn skippy, my friend. The "Rock" is ready to roll!
from daze-of-rain :
I hate to cry alone...and I've been doing so much of it. I'm sorry you ever have to feel alone.
from incredipete :
You're too nice. I am looking forward to taking that to a new level of "wrong"! ;)
from kellbelle :
Likewise girly. We all have stuff in our past. No need to fear it. It made you into the beautiful, wonderful mother, friend, daughter and person you are. Love you like a little sis :)
from xnavygrrl :
I know what it's like to have a terrible past that you are afraid or ashamed to speak of. It's hell confronting what hurts you..but if you ever need someone to talk to, I'm here. I've been there. If not me, find someone you do feel comfortable talking with.
from incredipete :
Rock? You rang....? "Peter" means rock. I'm just sayin.
from la-blue-eyez :
I never speak of my past either. Only bits and pieces of the "good" parts. But never really of true past. The one that I've avoided for 20 some odd years. I actually did have a special someone break me down and I told him about it a couple of months ago. He was my rock. He has never asked any questions, nor did he try to help me learn to deal with the anger and the sadness. He just listened. And you know, it felt good to have him there as I spoke to him about it. It felt even better when I stopped talking about it and he changed the subject because he knew I couldn't handle talking anymore. I think we all need a rock. I'm glad you have found one to lean on as well. :)
from purplebanana :
No. If you knew something bad was coming, anxiety would have ruined the good times. The nice thing about life is that it's cyclical; badness might be here, but it's inevitable that the good will come again.
from plopphizz :
Cool enough, please let me know what you think of it. I put you on my favorites to see what you have to say on this whole meaning of life thing :).
from daze-of-rain :
I'm a dork..>I left this on MY notes at first...and I'm not even going to erase it. Sounds Delightful
from daze-of-rain :
I sure don't feel very strong. But thank you so much for saying that...if I keep hearing it I might just start believing it...So, what's in Maine? [weak smile]
from plopphizz :
I guess the Selfish Gene is in at the library, so I'm going to read through it the rest of this week and see what is what. On a lighter note, I was able to get The Phantom Tollbooth last night which is a brilliant children's book I haven't read since I was in junior high. It's still good. I realize this has absolutely nothing to do with the previous thread of the conversation, but it's good if you ever want a light, funny, smart read. -- P.P.
from daze-of-rain :
you sound great and it's great to hear. How old are your brothers? Just out of curiousity. I am glad the reunion went well. And maine sounds like a terrific idea
from plopphizz :
Yeah, I got that sense from your previous posting. The biggest problem I found investigating the in-between area is the scope is too large, so I am starting with the boundaries. But hopefully I will hit it eventually. I want to write some of this stuff up in my entries, but my blog style is primarily humor-driven. Not that you can't discuss heavy and important issues intelligently through humor, but there is a much greater probability of offending someone in humor and that would miss my point entirely which is to explore different concepts without judgment. Maybe I will just try some subtle pokes at it and see what kind of reaction I get. -- P.P.
from plopphizz :
Correct, I don't think there is a disagreement either. It more comes down to asking questions about different things. I haven't delved much into other "one way" areas of religion. I wish I have a better term for that "no way, one way, many way" concept, I am sure there's a word for it I just don't know it. Even taking hypocritical humans out of the equation (people who use religion for power and control, instead of a guide for living and becoming a better person) I find the options overwhelming, but the high level themes consistent. I don't know, just got a library card so I am digging through some stuff to see what else I can learn. My approach so far has been to take a tradition "one way" religion, Christianty, and the "no way" philosophy (athetist or scientific, or whatever you want to call it) and read about those since they define some boundaries. That's why I was suggesting "Mere Chrisitianty" by C.S. Lewis on Pete's site. It tries to answer some of those tough questions I was posting about Christianity. And next is Richard Dawkins "Selfish Gene" and "The Blind Watchmaker" as soon as the library gets a copy back for me (very popular books). I'll let you know what I discover. -- P.P.
from plopphizz :
Hey, I wanted to make sure I got a response back to you, but Pete's blog moved up an entry today so didn't know if you would see it. For the most part, your last post agrees with what I was talking about, the chicken and egg problem (you use the seed and the tree). I personally lean towards the creatism side ultimately because I can't figure where the thing that the big bang came from -- was it always there? etc., you get the idea. Also, mankind's innate ability to realize that something bigger lies beyond them, there is actually a part of the brain hardwired for this sole purpose. I wanted to make sure to separate those points out, because they are important and valid things to consider. Regarding your first statement, if by "it" you mean Chrisitanty, the problem with people not exposed to Jesus and his teachings is not complex at all. Christianity has some core beliefs (tenets, doctrines, whatever you want to call them) and one is the way to God is through Jesus. Also, Jesus is essentially the perfect human prototype, if mankind pursues his teachings and way of life, they will be one with God. It's very specific: there is only *one* way according to Christianity. That's why the religion is named as it is, and why the WWJD acronym caught on, because it distills the essence of Christianity into something easy to remember, but extremely difficult to apply. That brings up the original question, if you are never exposed to Jesus and his teachings, how do you become one with God. Having said that, is it what *you* believe or what *I* believe, I don't know. Essentially there is a choice of believing in zero ways (atheist), one way (christianty and probably others, haven't researched yet), or many ways (agnostic among many others, again haven't researched yet). One thing that can be respected regarding atheists and Christian, at least they committed to something, whereas people like myself are still searching. And one final point, you didn't have to feel like you were butting in, I enjoy discussing things and want to hear people's opinions on important subjects, otherwise how are we all going to learn more? -- P.P.
from wtf-reviews :
Your review is up at WTF-Reviews. I apologize for the EXTREMELY long wait. Enjoy! -- Jarani, Winterfresh Reviews.
from hamiltonian :
Glad your feeling good today...
from daze-of-rain :
lol you better watch your offers of having somewhere to go for awhile...you'll end up very stuck witha couple of house guests. I can never balance numbing out the pain, the bad things with letting in the good. Too all or nothing, I am. And it's destructive...to myself and my son...but at times it's better for me too. I have a lot to talk about at therapy this week...or maybe nothing. As for Cole...whatever will be will be, and so it goes...you'll be okay...always. You don't know how else to be. so much love - Des
from cassiopeia- :
Just enjoy the time you have and take it for what it is, even if you are not sure just what that is...let whatever happens, happen and see where it goes...better to take a chance than to always wonder "what if". Love ya, Sands
from daze-of-rain :
i know that feeling well...it happens when you are no longer happy being you, living 'your' life...but one you didn't really get a say in. It's when it all turns around and life starts living you and you are grasping for a shred of anything to keep you grounded...to convince yourself that you have control of SOMETHING....and maybe now i've not made sense. i'm here, always [smooch]
from mizisg :
Hey girlie, hope all is well, been trying to catch up in diaryland..hey if u want i can try downsizing scott for you...lol..let me know or just email his pic to me and i can try and work with it...kisses, row
from gypsy-poet :
HCJ would be soooo much better naked with stawberry syrup!!! ;)
from daze-of-rain :
Hey doll, I'm sorry you feel so down. I'm here if you need me...always. I will be safe, I will have fun...I will be updating.
from gypsy-poet :
You are no heel..unless perhaps attached to some very fun rocket-dog sandals..heh.. You must know that I never meant it the way that it came out.. I suck at self expression.. Which is what this was all about :) You do rock, and I do appreciate all of your candor, and your fresh insights!!!
from gypsy-poet :
You didn't make me feel bad... you reminded me of how important it is to let those I love and cherish know it from time to time instead of expecting them to "just know" ((hugs to you for rocking the house))
from gypsy-poet :
I am terrible at letting those who have made a mark on my life know how important they are..I appreciate your words, and your friendship... thank you so much...
from nmnohr :
I just had to stop and tell you that first - your diary is amazing. Second - I've been where you are, and I'm sorry you are dealing with people who so obviously don't want to listen to reason.
from la-blue-eyez :
I wish I had some comforting words to say, but I don't. I have dealt with people who I thought were my "best friends" that hurt me as bad as you must be hurting now. As hard as it was for me, I turned and walked away from them and still have yet to look back. That was in January of this year. I know we don't know much about each other, but if you need a friend or a shoulder, I will be here and you can email me anytime you'd like.
from daze-of-rain :
Meg, The best thing to do is just stay away from the both of them. I read the words you wrote after having had the abortion, and you clearly experienced that trauma. Why would anyone lie about that? I read the pain and uncertainty in your words, the knowledge that it was best but how sorry you felt for the circumstances...if these people who "know you so well" can act this way, they were never the people you thought they were. xoxo - Des
from hamiltonian :
I know how that "what we have here is a failure to communicate" thing is. I give up trying to believe people will be dilpomatic and understanding. I can strive for that myself , and if others want to do so then great. If they want to be judgemental, biased, prejusdice and unreasnable when debating something or working out a problem so be it. Sorry for the rant...
from cacophic :
This probably won't comfort you at all...I had an abortion, just 4 months ago. And while it killed me inside, what could I do? Cry relentlessly to everyone over something that could not be reversed? I kept on a strong face to the world and kept it in my heart...I cried once to my fiancee, and that was that. I look at my daughter and feel like I've deprived her of a sibling...which I have...but the pain of aborting the child is something I, myself, have to deal with. Just because you refuse to whine and cry over something that has been done, and there is no return, that doesn't mean your a liar. I'm sorry about your 'friends.'
from missspunk :
I know what it is like for friends and family to have the impression that you are a pillar of strength, meanwhile inside your crumbling. I know that what your friends think and say hurts, trust me Ive been on that end. Just keep your head high knowing you did what was best for you. They werent there, they dont know and could never understand unless they walked in your shoes. They have no right to accuse you of anything differently, call you a liar or anything else for that matter. You dont need friends like that nor do you want them. Keep doing what is best for you and your daughter, keep a smile on and do what you need to. Even if that means not talking to your two friends, after with attitudes like that they arent really worth your time or effort. "No man or woman is worth tears and those who are will never make you cry" Hugs Hun.
from cassiopeia- :
Did you hear that? It is the ocean calling...
from hamiltonian :
your pov .. thought provoking to me
from hamiltonian :
Hmmmmmmm.. interesting
from kellbelle :
Don't tell me I have to come there and kick someone's ass?
from daze-of-rain :
I happen to think you are pretty freaking fantastic...and you may think your support "isn't much" but it truly means the world to me xoxo - des
from kellbelle :
Oh please...LOL... you are young and tiny. I'm not getting younger and moving behind my prime :-S Woe is me. hehe
from cassiopeia- :
I think he looks like a boy! kisses, cassie
from kellbelle :
LOL I have no expectations. I've been on the net a LOoooOOoOOng time and I know better than to try and guess what people look like ;-)
from daze-of-rain :
that's a good question...I can't say I'm sure. I am seriously thinking about starting a picture page for my diary...But I don't know if I am ready to take that step or not. lol
from daze-of-rain :
yeah, I'd love to see a pic of your brother [wink wink] Oh, and scott too...lol
from cassiopeia- :
I too hope your Key West friend is okay...some of the photos of there are scary...we just got lucky as it could have hit us hard...
from la-blue-eyez :
Thank you! Have you heard from your friend in Key West? (I think that's where you said he was?) I saw that the hurricane missed them and they just got sideswiped with the rains. I hope all is well with him.
from daze-of-rain :
Meg, Hey baby cakes...just wanted to say hello and let you know personally that I am here okay. I'll update to let the "world" know soon. Sorry your brother is leaving. But of course we'll be looking out for you.
from la-blue-eyez :
Thanks for the congrats! And I'm really starting to get nervous about the tropical storm/hurricane (possibility). There are businesses all around that have a sign up in their windows and on their doors saying, "If the hurricane reaches the shore, we will be closed". That's kind of funny to me. I think if it turns into a hurricane and hits us, that'll be the first thing I do... Run to a building that has that sign and beg for them to service me.
from daze-of-rain :
Hey girlie girl...by now you are already home...but I wanted you to know I was thinking of you and glad that your weekend went well. Hope your vent/talk makes you feel lighter...Good for you for telling Scott...I know it can't be easy. - Des
from la-blue-eyez :
No problem at all! If you ever need help with that sort of thing, just ask. I'm happy to help!
from la-blue-eyez :
I hope you don't mind, I saw in one of your notes someone asking you about your cast, I read your reply and thought I might be able to help you on that. To create a link to it, just add this, with the pac-man brackets <a href="http://shewhowalks.diaryland.com/040619_2.html">Cast</a> Just copy and past that and it'll create the link for you. All you have to decide is where you want the link to show up at. Hope that helps.
from cassiopeia- :
You know, in Florida they look the other way when it comes to DNA! LOL! Sands
from grlenamored :
do you have a cast page? i can't keep up with all the men in your life who love you and adore you ;)
from bluperspex :
sounds like you had an absolutly crappy day!!! hope it gets better for you... make yourself some hot chocolate and snuggle into bed... hopefully your power will be back on so you can watch some telly :)
from cacophic :
I was so happy to read your entry today...over the past few days I wanted to say something, but I'm just not good with words. I'm so happy you haveyour best friend back in your life, it must mean so much to you.
from kellbelle :
Daze has some really good advice... and didn't come off nearly as old and bitter as I did ;) hehe
from la-blue-eyez :
That's a beautiful poem.
from daze-of-rain :
Whenever I decide to do that all I get for the effort is feeling so lonely and so very depressed...but that's just me. I understand that praying would confuse you, especially now when you don't know what your beliefs are...but either way...metitate about it then. Sit down when you have a quiet minute and try to clear your head and attempt to hear your heart. It will all work itself out. I truly believe that. I'm here to talk to if you need me. xoxo -des
from daze-of-rain :
I've been doing a whole lot of praying lately...whether my faith is religion specific or not...i've got a load of it. And it's been helping me I think. I feel clearer day by day and things are falling into place. Beyond that...you could look at it logically...maybe none of these men are the right one...maybe it's time to let go of the old and leave yourself free to the new. You can love them, be friends with them, without feeling tied to them. *but in this I am just telling you the things I know I should KNOW myself...and rarely do*
from daze-of-rain :
I do think you would have reacted the same way...no matter who the person you cared about was. It's the risk or threat to something you treasure. But I think the indecision is really getting to you...I know I don't spread my affections around too well...I need someone or something to focus them on...whether that focus is a hopeless cause or not...maybe it's time to focus? xoxo - Des
from cassiopeia- :
There is indeed such a thing as a prince...the trick is to recognize him, and to let him "save" you. I learned this at the age of 38, please don't wait that long! Sands
from kellbelle :
It just occurred to me that I once allowed someone to convince me to give up on my dream... and I swore I would never do that to anyone else. I won't bug you about it anymore ;)
from kellbelle :
I'm not trying to talk you out of believing it. Just trying to spare you the pain that reality can sometimes bring. Guess I'm just a bitter old lady ;-) LOL
from kellbelle :
There is nothing wrong with believing in a dream... as long as you recognize it for what it is. And understand that a "real life" relationship can never live up to the "dream" relationship you're holding onto. **Hugs**
from cassiopeia- :
Sometimes I think that the best thing to do when stuck between a rock and a hard place is to pack up and move to a new place and not look back. If it isn't working, then why stay? I believe that when one door closes another one opens...sometimes we need to be the ones to close that door. You are not loosing your mind, but every day that passes I do believe that you are loosing a little piece of yourself and I would hate to see that happen. The bottom line is that you are too good for all of these guys and once you are gone they will then realize it but it will be too late because there is something (someone) better waiting around the corner for you once you make that turn! Lots of hugs and with the best of intentions, Sands
from daze-of-rain :
I don't know how subconcious it is...I think many know we've settled...if not in the who at least in the what. Circumstances and etc. Maybe I'm a cynic...but I think I am a realist. lol
from kellbelle :
I'm a very gentle person in real life. It takes a lot for me to speak my mind with my voice, but I seem to be very non-sensical/practical and come off being a little cool when I write things down. Blessing or curse? You be the judge! hehe
from kellbelle :
LMAO!!! I'm sorry!! Just ramblings from someone who's been there a few times ;) I don't mean to sound blunt, or cool ... I'm anything but that. People tell me that I tend to be blunt when I write... I am so not that way in "real" life! ;)
from kellbelle :
I don't believe in happily ever after...it's not real. You will never find the "all perfect" man of your dreams...because he's in your dreams, not a human man. By their very nature, human beings are not perfect and I think that's the disillusion many of us suffer from when we look for our mate. Accepting and embracing that the person you're with is NOT perfect is what love is about. They love you for who you are in spite of your weaknesses. Marriages and relationships are not fairy tales or romantic dreams..and the sooner you realize that, the happier you will be with the people that come and go in your life ;)
from daze-of-rain :
ahhh...mystery solved.
from kellbelle :
Well, you were very upset the other day. And the mind is very powerful. All of our troubles and fears and thoughts work for resolution when we sleep. Seems like you got something to work right :) Keep it up.
from kellbelle :
Maybe he was your guardian angel ;) Gotta love a good, hunky, protector/lover, dream fulfilled kind of dream!
from cassiopeia- :
Oh my goodness sweetie, I wish I could be there to give you a hug and a shoulder...Sands
from la-blue-eyez :
Isn't it amazing how dreams give us exactly what we need or want or hope for? Live on the high! And you just never know, maybe you'll dream of him again, only next time... He really will be real! :)
from la-blue-eyez :
I love dreams like that. I've only had one like that I can recall... I met my ex-husband shortly after. Not a happy ending, but a great 10 years spent!
from daze-of-rain :
As for the fates...I truly think the best sign will be one of them saying "Okay Meg...I have decided...I want you. Do you want me or not?" As long as you are honest there is no harm with keeping your options open. I am Queen of keeping my options open. lol
from daze-of-rain :
thanks for the note...I'm hanging in. You?
from cassiopeia- :
Do not email you know who today! (just helping) Sands
from gypsy-poet :
((Hugs)) because men don't make any sense... ever.
from missspunk :
Sounds like you and I are having similar days today. People we both care about have let us down in one way or another and they just dont seem to understand how or why. I would have to say it is the most frustrating, upsetting situation you can be in. I think we need to walk away for the day and start over new tomorrow.
from cacophic :
*knots, not 'notes' as I wrote below. I read your pfofile over a little better today, realized you like Buffet. I went to his memorial day show last year and it KICKED ASS. Hope everything is okay. I'm dying for you to update. Keep your head up.
from cassiopeia- :
kisses make everything better...xxxxxxxxxx
from cacophic :
Love your new lay-out. Hope everything is okay, I can imagine what it is your going through right now...stomach twirling into notes, so many thoughts rushing through your head you can't hear...hang in there, girl. Hope everything is okay.
from gypsy-poet :
OMG that was so beautiful I almost cried. I hope some day someone says something nearly as wonderful about me.... you are a wonderful person, it is evident to all around you.
from xnavygrrl :
I believe I found you through gypsy-poet. I wanted to tell you that your way with words took my breath away and caused tear to spring to my eyes. I wasn't sad. I was astonished that someone else could touch on what I feel in such an intuitive way. You go girl!
from gypsy-poet :
I hope that you are...because it gives me piece of mind to know that someday because of something I have done, I may receive it back in kind. Like a random act of kharma? ;) Hope you have a good weekend.
from cassiopeia- :
Okay, too much info! LOL and JK! You should come, Cassie loves nothing more than to have people over to the house to play. Are you really moving to TX? Cass loves the theme song there!!!
from cassiopeia- :
You are such a tease! And as for locking up because of the ex...sounds like he is carrying a bit of a torch for ya still! Too bad, so sad. Don't lock up because of him, pooey on men altogether! Sands
from missspunk :
Hey hun by the time I read your entry about locking up you had already decided not to. Good for you! This is your life, this is your space, you write for you and no one else and don't be afraid. If he reads something he doesnt like TOO BADDDDD for him its not his space place or life is it? I wrote how I felt and I got shit on and it hurt for a bit till I realized who the hell was he to shit on me. Now I say what I feel and step aside and let the shit MISS LOL....Anyways keep it up hun, your doing sooo good!
from daze-of-rain :
I'm glad that this is the route you chose to take. Good for you babe!!!
from gypsy-poet :
I am glad that is the conclusion you came too. I learned the hard way about censoring myself because of just one person. You are stronger and braver than I was. And I admire you for those traits, and more. Thanks for inspiring me... to be stronger.. ::hugs::
from science-girl :
I'll tell ya a secret.... :-) Look at your regular grocery store in the "ethnic foods" section. There are boxes of mix that you can make. That's what I usually use, unless I actually go to a Middle Eastern restaurant.
from science-girl :
Hooray for standing up for yourself! :-)
from kellbelle :
I agree with daze. And yes, really I know someone who works there. You have my email. Send me your address and I'll see if I can get a subscription for you :)
from daze-of-rain :
you know what? I totally get locking up and protecting yourself...but you already half write as though you know he'll find you...so, if locking up will allow for you to release some demons and not fear him discovering it...go for it. If you lock up to "protect" him ...then screw that. He deserves what he gets. If he reads it and doesn't like what he sees...maybe he shouldn't read it!!! Period. Wow, it's weird to practically hate a man I don't even know.
from kellbelle :
If you lock up, I want a password, too. Also, I'd send you VV but I don't have your address ;) I have a g/f who works for them and can get a discounted subscription. :)
from cacophic :
That thought has ran through my mind a few times as well...please send me a password. Let me know if you can erase these notes once there left and I will leave you my e-mail
from science-girl :
If you lock up, I'd like the password. Thanks!
from gypsy-poet :
I had to lock up once..so I understand. If you do decide to make that choice please let me know the pw... ::hugs::
from daze-of-rain :
ummm I was going to email you and realized your email isn't here....how about you email me with it so it's not up on my notes...I mean if that's cool and all. [email protected]
from daze-of-rain :
ROFL why do you say that to me? You are taunting me with mystery...It's good he's not found you again though. I know there is much drama played out in D-Land daily and have always been glad not to be caught up in it (knock on wood) but it really sucks when the drama about it comes from every day life.
from daze-of-rain :
how'd you find out he was reading? And how'd he find them?
from daze-of-rain :
I don't have the same motivation...In fact I don't think Brian would read my diary...ever (maybe if we split...but I don't know) I still keep multiples. lol
from daze-of-rain :
Meg, I erased the note with the password...and I will go ahead and do that...ummm now many journals do you have? lol
from daze-of-rain :
Yeah, I really do want to...please. And I know he asked...Remind me to tell you about Tim sometime...He always "asked" too...
from daze-of-rain :
ummmm so the untitled me wants to say "Hey!!! I want to read that!!!" and the other me says, at least you have the ability to say it to him...But really...be careful. Once wives (ex or otherwise, and really, she's not ex anymore) become a part of an equation it gets messy. This is one road you should travel only carefully.
from gypsy-poet :
sometimes the hardest things to say are those you have left unsaid. So I send kudos to you for having the strength and courage to say what you needed to say and the ability to come to terms with the past. It is not an easy thing to do.
from science-girl :
It's a delicious Middle Eastern food made from chickpeas. http://www.theepicentre.com/Recipes/mfalafel.html
from cacophic :
Hey, Not sure if you'll remember me, I wrote you a while back w/ a tip on potty training. I read today that your little girl is 'doing the potty thing'. Congratulations!!!!!
from daze-of-rain :
Brian didn't go back to work until last night...I try to spend time with him when he's home. At times I fail miserable..now for isntance...which is why I am about to sign off. I'll miss chatting with you but glad to hear you are taking care of the comp thing.
from daze-of-rain :
hey girlie...Yeah, until yesterday I'd been pretty silent in general. At that point where I've nothing left to say. It happens now and then. This time I at least have moments of something...For now it's enough that I can find a reason to smile in something that I created...My son makes up for so much. As I'm sure you can understand.
from otherplans :
Thanks for your note - I'm glad it was okay to add you. I'm new here to diaryland, stumbled across your diary and you have such an honest way of writing I had to add you to my favorites. I hadn't been on for a couple of days, and your entry about your Nana was very touching...I lost my grandma only 3 weeks ago and was very touched by your posting. Thanks for sharing!
from gypsy-poet :
Why am I compelled to comment on each entry...because they move me... yup.
from gypsy-poet :
I don't know why it is posting two of everything I say :((
from gypsy-poet :
Although it has been raining like I need to build an ark here, the only real water is in the dog's dish...I had always wanted to road trip to see him play in Florida, but nevwer could. I didn't know there was an online group..thanks for sharing I may have to look into that!
from gypsy-poet :
When I lived on the coast of carolina I was in a local PH group there..once we moved to CO I haven't found one yet..although between work and deployemnts I can say honestly I haven't looked that hard. We did go to his concert last march in Charlotte..and the one the year before in Raleigh..I have a feeling he might not come to CO, probably too cold for him ;)
from gypsy-poet :
I found you through P-O-Y and completely found myself relating you to, I added you on my "reads" list, I hope you don't mind...
from p-o-y :
Welcome to Pieces Of You!
from daze-of-rain :
Meg, ahhhh yes...i know this feeling. I know what it's like to have someone say "I love you" and "You're the best friend I've ever had" oh...and this one..."after all this time it's still you that I have in my life. I couldn't talk to anyone else like this or for this long" Okay, then how come you don't want me? I mean...sure you'd totally have SEX with me...but why don't you want to BE with me? anyway, I just wanted you to know I understand because sometimes that's all that needs to be said xoxo
from daze-of-rain :
because he's selfish...and ignorant. And one day she will understand that it's him and not her. For now the best you can do is love her as much as you possible can and let her feel that love. Or explain to him that if he doesn't want to acknowledge her he needs to not be around when she is. Period.
from missspunk :
I know its heartbreaking seeing your little one all upset about him...She doesnt understand and all you can do is reassure her that you love her and you wont leave her. Someday she will understand why he doesnt see her why he doesnt love her the way she deserves and it will be only one persons fault HIS. She will remember and understand and by then it will be to late for him. I wouldnt worry about it toooo much just do what you can and be there for her as I know you are.
from daze-of-rain :
I honestly figured as much. I would be so offended if you had a working computer though. lol As far as control...I wish I could give it up so easily.
from missspunk :
YOU know you have that love and I dont think you are recognizing it. Your daughter loves you exactly that way. You walk into a room and everything else fades..She loves and adores you. You have what you are looking for your daughter has an unconditional love for you and will always love you. Cherish it :)
from jane-does :
That is so much more eloquently put than my simple "I want someone to love me." But, I understand. Another "me too."
from daze-of-rain :
did the tv manage to chase you out of the house? lol I figured it was something like that...I wasn't too worried, or all THAT offended. xoxo
from jane-does :
Well, well... you and me both.
from daze-of-rain :
Hey, you know what? Sometimes lyrics are all we have. And even when there's more a song can say it all. If people mind that they'll get over it. I love music and love reading the songs that touch you.
from daze-of-rain :
I forget to say that I really like the new layout...I liked the color scheme of the other one too though. Let me know if you want any help. If so, just email me all the code from your new and older edit pages and I can tinker with it if you'd like.
from fan4 :
I like your new layout.
from daze-of-rain :
thank you so much. It's all falling into place now. lol How old is Scott out of curiousity? I mean I sensed most of what you had written anyhow, I just wasn't sure. One little tip w/html...make the "active link" color different than the text color. That way you can tell links from usual text.
from daze-of-rain :
hey there...it's me again...and ummmm yeah...I have another request. Sorry for being such a pain. How about a cast list? seems like your men can confuse as much as mine in quantity and keeping track...who are these guys and what are they to you??
from kellbelle :
Just sent you an email from my work :)
from kellbelle :
I totally understand about the crying thing. I battled that for years before I realized that if I really felt like crying afterwards than I probably needed to and I no longer deny myself the need. It's all part of the crying out. I wouldn't say that I'm highly religious, but I do turn that crying time into prayer time and there are actually books out called "the power of crying out". And it probably sounds weird, but those times I need to cry out have been really powerful times of change in my life. But it takes getting used to it. It can be a very overwhelming thing.
from kellbelle :
Screaming is actually great therapy. I call it "crying out". Sometimes I use a pillow to muffle it (I live in an apartment) and sometimes I just go drive in the country and find a spot where no one is around and scream really loud. It's great.
from daze-of-rain :
Okay, I just got done reading your diary...I started at the...now here's something weird..start. I am a bit confused because you seem to leave a few key things out from time to time...if this is for privacy or just lack of realizing it I am unsure. Emma got tested for what? Going to Italy with who? I get so confused...lol I really enjoyed reading this. Thank you
from daze-of-rain :
rofl I didn't get creeped out. I am very flattered.
from daze-of-rain :
read and re-read even? wow. thank you for the comment. I put so much into this entry and was pretty proud of it when all was said and done. I'm glad you enjoyed
from science-boy :
"I love you / just the way you are" - Billy Joel It sounds like you are being you. It takes time to feel like you fit in. I think there are more people who feel like you than the would like to admit. I often don't feel like I fit in. Some days, I can't stand to be near these people or those people. It's just part of growing up and realizing who the people you need in your life are, and making sure you keep them. That way, you can go out into the world, do the crap you have to do, and the be with the ones you want to be with. At least, that's what I tell myself. That's my two bits. OXOXOXOXOXOXOX s-b
from invisibledon :
Karma - explains the unexplained
from missspunk :
THANKS :) Keeo your chin upm things will work out and before you know it you will look back and go WOW THAT WAS ME....You will find what your looking for, might take awhile but its there. Take your time its all a journey. I know its easier said then done. When people toldme this I was shake my head roll my eyes and say YEAH I know. But they were right
from missspunk :
There was no doubt in my mind that you could.. Keep smiling babe..... :)
from missspunk :
No thanks necessary...just love your little girl hug her everyday and feel her love and you won't feel so lonely and know that one day it will be better. I still have days where I feel so alone but then im reminded in small ways how much people do care and how much im not really alone.....LOVE YOURSELF.....oh and keep writting I like to read your entries.
from missspunk :
Hey there...I didnt want to add this here but didnt know how else to talk to you...There is so much that can be said but I think if you read my entry for today it will say most of what I want to say here. THe entry was for me to finally write what I want to say and in it you might learn something, if not then hey atleast you know someone takes very seriously what you say and write and do. ~Love MISS~
from cassiopeia- :
Happy Mommy's Day! kisses, cassie
from invisibledon :
happy cinco de mayo
from science-boy :
You go, girl! (always wanted to say that!) Good for you!! You deserve it. mwah! s-b
from fan4 :
I'd be interested in following your spiritual journey.
from science-girl :
Good for you for deciding to go on a spiritual quest. Most sheeple know that they're not quite happy in the religion they practice, yet few will actually take the step of researching and searching and reading and discovering for themselves what the best fit is. If you're looking for information on one of the older religions, I highly recommend To Ride a Silver Broomstick by Silver Ravenwolf, or anything by Scott Cunningham. Both are excellent resources. Good luck!
from captainron :
Sorry you had such a tough day. Hopefully today will be better :-)
from missspunk :
Hey there girl. You tell him..... and don't be sorry for the way you feel. It's good that you are finally standing up for yourself, and standing your ground. Just know there are people out there rooting for you, even if you don't know they are there or even know them for that matter. -miss-
from science-girl :
Wow. Sounds like you had an interesting night. :-) Much more exciting than the couch-laying and tv-watching that was my night. For a time Alex (my step-daughter) went through a period where nearly everywhere we went, she threw up. Fazoli's, in the car at Meijers...everywhere. Hopefully it was just a temporary thing for your daughter.
from science-boy :
I knew if I said the right thing I could get you to go down. (heh heh go down heh heh) Have a great weekend, Beavis. Love, Butthead.
from science-boy :
You'll have to tune in Monday to find out! hee-hee!! ;-)
from tom-seb-jak :
STAT!
from cassiopeia- :
Well, in case you haven't heard...Florida is the number one state in the job market right now! Michigan is the lowest so don't move there. You should put your resume in Monster.com and see what happens. Make sure that you say that you are looking to relocate. I got my job while living in another state myself...the internet is a beautiful thing! ~Sandy
from cassiopeia- :
Our door is always open! :)
from science-girl :
Congrats on your raise! :-) Have a GREAT weekend!
from cassiopeia- :
Did you know that Barnes and Nobel is now on the upromise program? www.upromise.com
from science-boy :
If you need more time in the elevator, just push that little red button down in the corner there. You can have all the time you need. The bells might get a little annoying, but... : - ) s-b
from cassiopeia- :
Happy Anniversary!
from science-girl :
I think spankings hurt the parents more than the children... Hopefully you won't have to do it anymore. {{{{HUGS}}}}
from science-boy :
If you need a little lotion for the chapping... :-)
from captainron :
I could never live away from the water. It would be like a part of me was taken away. It calms me down, brings me peace. Hopefully some day soon you'll get back there. ME too :-)
from captainron :
Awww, I'm sorry you are going through such a hard time. hang in there, life will get easier... Well, at least I hope it will :-)
from mizisg :
hello my girl, how r things??? i thought i'd stop by and say hello. haven't seen you online in a long time. is that a pic of you and emma? cute! i know it's been a long time i hope all is well....hugs, row
from captainron :
Go out and have some fun. Happy Valintines Day
from science-boy :
"Seeping Booties"!?! I can't beleive you let her watch the Spice Channel! s-b
from science-boy :
I have no doubt that you will find what you are looking for. A heart that open is a beacon for others. They'll find their way to you. 'Til then, you've got us! Have a good day! S-b
from science-boy :
Thank you. Hugs back. I am still going to try my butt off (actually, I could use a smaller butt to make my pants feel better.). OXOX
from captainron :
I'm sorry you had such a bad weekend. Hopefully things will turn around this week. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you.
from science-boy :
OK I was reading some of your older entries and I saw that you like Blue Number Nine. I used to be friends with Kristy Cates (she left and is on Broadway now). That is so cool. I haven't found that many people who know about them. Right on! That's all. Bye!
from science-boy :
We're not all that bad. "Men" ruin my reputation by guilt through association. I agree with being guarded, though. If you want to "talk" offline, send me an email. I'll give it to you straight. Have a great weekend! s-b
from cassiopeia- :
I don't blame you. We get to a point where playing games with people is old news and moving on becomes that much easier. Good for you for knowing that. ~Sandy
from science-boy :
Thank you! And I do feel loved! I haven't been here long, but I've enjoyed it so far. I think I'll stay. Have a great day! S-b
from grlenamored :
hey chica, you should have had your username and password emailed to you at [email protected] - email me at [email protected] if you didn't and i will email it to ya :)
from cassiopeia- :
Love the answer for #52 and we are impressed by answer #33!
from cassiopeia- :
When I was married to my first husband I remember thinking that I wish he would cheat on me. I ended up leaving eventually. ~Sandy
from jane-does :
Yes! What an entry. It took me quite a while to realize that I was *allowing* what was going on as well with people taking advantage of me. Have you read Co-Dependent No More?
from jane-does :
Thank you so much for the e-mail. I have highest hopes for you as well. We all deal with things differently, and I am not sure it was worse/better for either of us. But all I can say is, I know you will come on the other side of this stronger as well. We all do.
from cassiopeia- :
http://codeamber.org/phelps/
from jane-does :
I am so happy that she is well already! What a sigh of relief for you. You've been through so much lately, and I can't imagine having a seriously ill little sweetheart on top of all of that. ;)
from jane-does :
Just a note to say, I prayed for your little girl today. I hope that she has a quick recovery, and that you are healing as well. (((HUGS)))
from cassiopeia- :
As a matter of fact, on the trip back mom had written in the road dirt on our car. It said, Bye Michigan, Hello Sun! It is nice to be back where you hang your hat. Not that long ago someone advised us that what has happened today, this very moment, is not likely to be important/remembered by others/intense one year from now. A little book called Don't Sweat the Small Stuff also says that. Time goes by so fast, and the words have proven to be true. 2004 is a new beginning, a gift, a door to the future offered to us all! Nothing is better than the chance of a fresh start. A song comes to mind, not sure of the name, but the words speak of choosing one of two things...to sit or to dance. Would you like to dance? Hugs and hugs and hugs!
from funda :
found "I Am" via Hadassah, beautiful... leave lies behind, live your dreams and make them come true :)
from jane-does :
Know that I am thinking of you.
from cassiopeia- :
Is that photo of you and Emma, and this may sound silly, but what sign are you?
from cassiopeia- :
I am glad to know you are okay. You have been in my thoughts this whole time. Lots of love, Sandy
from shadow-box :
Close your eyes, you are in a field alone, it is cold, empty, endless and unmistakable horrible and desolate. Now in this world, close your eyes again, look deep within and see the light, see it's beauty, the real gift of God. You may see beams of light shooting off from this spark withing you, follow them like a child, wander along the threads, there are so many, and they extend in every direction. You'll see thise strings of love and light connect with other balls of God light. These are the people you know and love, further out you see lights you don't recognise, but you are connected to them. You can feel the love extending forever outward, and you can feel it coming back to you. 6 billion lights of love, shooting into you, caressing you, holding you, telling you, "you are never alone, you are always loved" No matter what choices you make, you are loved, and in love. You made a choice, a hard horrible choicve, but you will live on. And the memory of what could be will live on also, you will honor that memory, give it your love, your light. And behold there's a new star in the sky, and 6 billion threads of love and light extending outward to care for it. I have never met you, nor do I know you, but I love you, I care about you. Know that there is one light out there, giving you love, giving you a shoulder if you ever need on. The field od desolation is just fear and illusion. Let love heal you :)
from jane-does :
I know I have never seen your face. But I really care about you and what happens to you. I am off to babysit right now, but you can e-mail me with anything anytime. Have you thought about talking to your family? Or your pastor? You say he'd have a cow if he knew you even associated with DS still, but that doesn't mean he can't be a support. You need everyone you can have on your side right now. I am so, so sorry. I will write you back when I get home.
from jane-does :
I am so sorry. You are in one of the most difficult situations a person could ever experience. I know you are afraid, confused, and alone right now. But God will make a way. You said you can't raise another child, but you said you can't abort one either. There is one more option... adoption. I am so sorry you were the victim of a rape. I cannot begin to imagine what you are feeling right now. You were not in control then. But you are in control now. YOU have the power to make the most important choice you may ever face. All of my love, best wishes, and hopes to you now. You are strong. You can make a decision that you can live with. I just know you can.
from hadassah :
wow I love the way you put emotion into words. Very inspiring. Take care
from jane-does :
That was beautiful. I hope your sweet baby is feeling better.
from jane-does :
Oh, boy. Don't I know it.
from jane-does :
Have you ever read "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie? I am NOT into self-help books, except this one really helped me figure out the things that you are wondering about yourself...
from jane-does :
If you ever want to talk about anything that you don't necessarily want to post, just e-mail me.
from jane-does :
Thank you so much. I am sorry that I am not myself these days.
from jane-does :
Thinking of you, and empathizing.
from jane-does :
Don't lose faith. Soemtimes, it is all you have. Thanks for your notes, of course. :) And dreams... I know all about those. The only thing you can do is try to shut them out, and remember dreams are just dreams. Of course you know this already, so it doesn't help to hear it, but I felt like I had to say something. (((HUGS)))
from jane-does :
As are you. Thank you. :)
from jane-does :
As do I... my Maddy wakes up at about the same hour. :) We'll see how much I sleep... Goodnight, and dreams of Jersey to you.
from jane-does :
Cruel. Hearing those words from a mouth you loved once... just awful. You know, no matter what, that you ARE NOT better off. Your little Em needs you. My little Maddy was the only thing that kept me getting out of bed for a while. It's funny how we take care of our babies, and they have no idea how much they really take care of us.
from jane-does :
Jack has scared me before... thrown things, broken things, punched things. The day I sent all of his shit down the garbage disposal was the only day he ever grabbed me and shook me. I screamed, "Don't hurt me!" and he froze. It's like he realized what had just happened. I can't imagine feeling anything worse than that terror of having someone twice your size out of control and knowing they could hurt you if they wanted to. But, I agree. The words that came out of his mouth to me in, what was it... July?... were just shocking. Those are thigns that replay in your mind... like little tape recorders that keep you awake.
from jane-does :
I am so sorry for the kind of pain you have experienced. You deserve love and safety.
from jane-does :
Oh, honey. Please tell me that I am misinterpreting your entries... no one should EVER lay a violent hand on you. Especially not the man you married...
from jane-does :
That's really too bad. But you know that already. This diary is free therapy for me. I read through my own diary the other night... it's amazing how many emotions I have gone through. This is such a process. We both regret the marriages but not th little girls. Oh, once I used to sing to Jack: "Let's fill the world with little girls." I really loved him once. I could be so good for the right person. I can love so much... I want that chance again.
from jane-does :
I went and deleted my first username as well, but I had the time to save all of my older entries. So he finds your diaries?
from jane-does :
Girl, you make me smile. I think this online diary concept is incredible. We put so many personal disclosures... things that we could never say to strangers, let alone those who know us. We write it and we read them and we connect. I just love it. I am reading your diary now from the beginning... and yes, so many odd little commonalities between us...
from jane-does :
*laughs* That's okay, I almost did that once. It's late, we should be sleeping. You know, I really think I am nuts. And I am so afraid, deep down, that I am not good enough. He is so good. So very very good. I want him to love me. But first, he has to write me back... Oh my goodness, I really am a bit crazy. He'd probably run screaming if he knew how much I am dying to talk with him again...
from jane-does :
I know... me too. I am having fun with a little crush on someone I haven't been friends with in years. I have him proposing and everything. It's a beautiful dream when you can't sleep. :)
from jane-does :
I just looked in on her. It is so amazing to see true peace in your child. Wouldn't that be nice?
from jane-does :
You are in my time zone. And no, unfortunately, it doesn't come easily for me either.
from jane-does :
I finally got around to reading your survey answers. We both have green eyes and are in love with our babies. Oh, and we both adore the name Ella. So, um... if you want to move to Tulsa, we could just be best friends and have slumber parties and watch our daughters play. What do you think? ;) I like the way you write. I am looking forward to the day when I get to read your whole diary. I'd like to start from the beginning. Oh, and... well... I could use a friend myself. We could be best internet friends... ;) Take care, darling.
from jane-does :
So, we are both going through divorces with a little girl to worry about. I will be reading you. Where do you live? I could use a friend myself.

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