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It’s great to see you back- most folks take a year off at a time and come back writing full force haha. I am so sorry to hear you are going through this right now, it sounds so insanely overwhelming and stressful I can’t imagine. I hope things start looking up, thinking about you over here xx

from comebacktome :

Ha, I don't even know when the last time I updated was! Totally fair enough- vent away, but also know there are random internet strangers who are rooting for you :)

from jarofporter :

agree with comebakctome - happy to see an update, but then... i'm sure things will work out fine! please keep us in the loop, if you can!

from comebacktome :

Super excited to see an update and then was like 'Fuck man, that sucks'. That is super shitty news, but see the neurologist and then the next step and then the next step and on it goes. You are strong as hell, and pragmatic to boot. You got this as much as anyone can. Random Australian girl over here thinking of you, hoping there's some more positive news on the horizon.

from jarofporter :

looks like one week has turned into 6? come back and post already! ;-)

from jarofporter :

great to see an update from you - almost emailed you last week, but figured you'd show up when you were ready. :-)

from jarofporter :

still waiting on an update! *drums fingers on table*... ;-)

from jarofporter :

will be glad for an update. hope to hear positive things!

from jarofporter :

two more weeks & it'll be a year since your last update - you still kickin'?

from jarofporter :

yeah, i get that. looking forward to you getting back at it though, when you're up for it. :-)

from jarofporter :

longest 'week or so' ever! ;-)

from jarofporter :

Hey, where have you gone? You should come back & update! :-)

from jarofporter :

YaY, update!

from cloudy-night :

Glad that you and your cousin have adjusted to living with one another. And it is really cool to have a dog around. I think it is awesome that you finished to 5k. Hell, I couldn't run two blocks without getting tired, so kudos! You never know about the future, you're not too old to be a mom and he may want to be a dad.

from jarofporter :

Wait a minute, you mean there are actually women who don't want kids? And you actually know some? I don't believe it... ;-) Must be a location thing, cuz it seems everyone around here has them. :-(

from jarofporter :

hey, you still around? would be good to see an update from ya!

from cloudy-night :

Hey. I hope you're okay. Hope you wasn't at that concert.

from cloudy-night :

To have hope, to believe that things will work out for you, in the end, to believe that you'll get that fairytale ending is a good thing. I always hope that you and many other people I know will get it because they deserve that happiness. I really have faith that it will all work out for you in the end. I know it will! So don't give up!

from cloudy-night :

Wow, 1000 smackeroos a month? That had to be one nice apartment! If I had to be honest, I didn't I would be in KC this long. If I have known, I would've invested in a house and sold it after I finished doing what I planned on doing here. At the rate I'm going, I won't be done for another two years. *sighs* I bet it is to have more than one room, but that means that the utility cost is much more. So you're going to see Matchbox 20, that is awesome! I've always wanted to see them perform as well. I'm going to see Michelle Branch next week. Been waiting for this for fifteen years! LOL, seriously, 15! I'm happy you're still lurking around. I hope that things with you and CA make things work. And about the bum comment, you're damn right! Cherish that booty! :P I'm really glad you've mastered portion control and are able to keep the weight off, that is damn awesome! I guess I need to start practicing portion control. Take care!

from cloudy-night :

Hi, I missed you.

from cloudy-night :

I truly hope that you went for broke with CA. Nothing ventured, nothing gained... isn't that right? I truly hope that things are working out.

from comebacktome :

Yes, well the worst part is I am not sure if it is the new dentist being dodgy, or if it was the old one being crap? The new one is saying there is a problem with a filling that is only 2 years old and she needs to take it out and fix the tooth and then re-do it. I went to my old dentist every 6 months, and they actually tried to palm me off to a hygienist, as everything has been fine. Who to believe? Ugh! It's not the money so much as the hassle, and also the knowledge that the anaesthetic makes me super duper sick as a dog, so I really don't want to do it unless I HAVE TO.

from comebacktome :

No problem! I also went to the dentist yesterday and got bad news, wish I could come and give you my business lol

from comebacktome :

Good for you friend! I wish you luck. And truly, regardless of the outcome, you know that at least you are not sitting around waiting for this to eventuate. You are going to make it happen. And knowing is always better than not knowing, then at least you can move on either way.

from cloudy-night :

Thanks, I will make sure I'm aware of the people who try to egg me on. But I tend to take people at their word until proven otherwise.

from cloudy-night :

Happy April! I don't know what you can say to CA, but I hope it all works out. I do feel kind of sorry for AN, though.

from jarofporter :

i totally identify with your 3/24 entry. wish i could help (either of us!). i know we don't talk much, but i'm around, if/whenever you'd like to.

from cloudy-night :

Hell, I think it's amazing that you can run 5k! Hell, I have trouble circling the block!

from cloudy-night :

Thank you for the kind words. I'm going to keep my head up and will continue to push forward. And you're right, I'm pushing away all the negative influences and embracing all the positive ones.

from cloudy-night :

I'm pretty sure that you will get that nice, tight body that you mentioned. I am going to start soon, so keep me updated and I'll do the same.

from cloudy-night :

Hey I don't care if it cost $1.00 or $1,000,000.00, free is free and it's awesome!

from cloudy-night :

Thanks for the note. I know it's natural and all that, but I'm still embarrassed by it. I guess my mama did a good job, making something that is natural and feels good at the time, seem bad.

from cloudy-night :

Hi. I am reevaluating my goals and plan on trying a new approach. If I get a chance to visit Vegas, I will definitely let you know. Before I even attempt to take a vacation, I need to save up some cash.

from jarofporter :

heh, if only they were "my women"... *sigh*

from comebacktome :

Edit: Girls are into choking without any chat or discussion or trust now? Haha. And exactly! Dude, first time, standard sex only, and if you can do that ok, then we shall see. But no clue. Yuk. It's ok, A1 did *hair flip emoji*

from comebacktome :

#1- Happy belated birthday! #2- Thanks for your kind note. I am okay about it now, but I was pretty upset by the whole thing at the time. Like, really, girls are into choking now? WTF? #3- I hope things work out for you with CA, but I would be down for an AN like person at the moment haha.

from cloudy-night :

Happy Birthday! I hope that you have a great day. I have a lot of catching up to do. Will have to go back and read on what has been going on in your life.

from jarofporter :

i'm sorry to hear about your friend, wish i knew what more to say.

from jarofporter :

I wish I had travel plans - being responsible about saving money for the house. Don't think I'll get to travel for another year or two, but once I've got a new place (and pay it off), I should be able to do it a lot more often!

from comebacktome :

Oh honey, I hear ya. Working in the medical field is shit for that stuff, particularly when you actually give a crap about your patients. I went in to the hospital for a 2.5 hr consult yesterday on my day off because I knew that nothing would happen with this kid unless I did. And I also agree about trivial shit. Do you not have work to do?? I don't give a fuck about reality TV, I'm busy! You sound like an awesome dentist though, if that helps??

from jarofporter :

Only one more day now, YaY! :-P On being busy, maybe try scheduling office time into your day? Like, block an appt, and make it office time. Glad to hear your 'lateness" was just that, at least at this point... too complicating if not planned, right? As for houses, going to see one tonight, doubt it's what I'm looking for though.

from comebacktome :

Thanks for your note from before. I am just trying to get through the worst of my grief. Excellent work on not drinking- as someone who goes through life 100% sober always for medical reasons I get that it is sometimes hard with your friends at social events. A lot of guys have a problem with it when I am dating but eh *shrugs* I do what I want! I will say that my friends are totally fine, they got used to it and now they just go 'Oh she doesn't drink' and sometimes take advantage of it, for me to drive haha

from jarofporter :

nice work on getting thru the concert w/o a drink - it's tough, i know. it gets easier tho! :-)

from cloudy-night :

Sebastian is a nice name. If I had a daughter, I want to name her Aya, I've always loved that name. My sis let me give my niece her middle name and since my entire family (well most) are called by their middle name, it's like it's her name.

from jarofporter :

real kisses? completely agree! negativity? it's mostly because people can't live in the now, and are always focused on past regrets, or fear of the future. i'm usually one of these people. hang in there!

from cloudy-night :

Sorry to hear you're sad because of all the negative things people utter. Hopefully things will be a lot brighter tomorrow.

from cloudy-night :

One day, you'll be writing about your wedding.

from cloudy-night :

I think you and CA have something honest. At least you know that you can make up after fighting. I hope he says yes to attending the wedding with you! No there aren't any new relationship prospects. I learned that if you aren't happy with yourself, then you're easily influenced by others. I used to think that love and admiration went hand-in-hand and for the most part, it does. However, if you meet someone and you admire all these great things about them and all the while, unhappy with who you are... things just goes badly. That's me. I find a woman with qualities I like and wish I had and try to mirror them as closely as possible. That's not good. That's why I won't try to find someone until I'm happy with what I can bring to the table. Sorry for the long note.

from comebacktome :

Ugh, I hated that movie. I went to see it with my hipster aunt, who also dragged my uncle and our cousin along. Our collective response at the end- what the ACTUAL fuck?! And my aunt even apologised. That never happens lol. But at least you acknowledge that it was weird as fuck. Somebody has to like it I guess ;)

from cloudy-night :

I saw "The Lobster" trailer on Youtube and thought, "seems strange." You know what, I cry a lot. I watch shows and movies and cry quite a bit. I don't know if it will do it for you, but "Ghost Whisperer" had me bawling like a baby (seasons 1 through 3 anyway). Maybe it will evoke a tear or two. I hate to read that you're giving up hope. You should definitely ask CA, he may surprise you. Of all the people I have meet or known of , you seem less likely to end up all alone. It just seems sad that you think you would, especially since you just seem like such a great person -- I can't believe that such a thing will ever come true. Keep moving forward and things will definitely happen.

from cloudy-night :

No one is completely honest, we all hide things and reveal certain things selectively. I just hope things work out and that you don't bury your emotions too deeply. I hope hope you enjoy your weekend.

from cloudy-night :

I have been thinking about getting a tattoo for the longest time, so it wouldn't be a hasty decision. But in truth, I feel I'm too old for it now. Plus, I really don't like to stick out from the crowd. That's why avoided getting my ears pierced and that the tattoos. Yeah, maybe it is a cultural thing with your old professor. I mean, I'm surrounded by a lot of people from different countries and they do stuff that I don't understand much. I have a friend from Africa and he is always touching me on my leg. Since I'm not uncomfortable with myself or threatened by it... I just let it slide. Guess it's like that. Yeah, I'm looking for a change. I don't really like my job, I just like my co-workers and that's not enough of a reason to continue being unhappy, unfulfilled and dissatisfied - is it?

from cloudy-night :

You attract the old and the young, eh? I think it was nice that you were so respectful to your former teacher. But I hope you let him know that you don't want to hold his hand. I won't lie, I admire his assertiveness -- I would have never been able to do such a thing. Yeah, I'm really getting into cooking. I figured; since I'm thirty-five, never been in a true relationship, socially inept and a bit of an oddball, I should be able to take care of myself since I will probably be alone. :P I want to go back to school, but honestly... I'm afraid and too lazy to get motivated. I really want my education and I want to find a passion. Right now, the fire that is suppose to be in my soul isn't there. Maybe I'll try to figure something out.

from comebacktome :

Ugh, I hear you, hand holding is the WORST

from cloudy-night :

Sometimes, it's best to just sit back and watch a great movie by yourself. Then again, it's also nice to cuddle with someone and watch a great movie too. I'm sure you'll find someone who'll work very hard at making you happy. You truly deserve that.

from comebacktome :

Haha, fight the good fight! I appreciate all that you do, because I canNOT handle gross or misaligned teeth. It was a real problem when I was in England lol. Having said that, I always get lectured about flossing more than I do- but I brush twice a day religiously, I swear!

from comebacktome :

Ha, I laughed at your hot patient story. I once had a hot dad that I worked with quite extensively, and every time he would come into the office he would make everyone very flustered. I'm having to fan myself just thinking about him lol. Random q- does bad dental hygiene and teeth turn you off? I have a big issue with bad teeth because I work with mouths all day, I can't imagine how bad it is for you!

from jarofporter :

yeah, i'm sure we could too. see, that's the problem though - everyone i *could* (and would like to) hang out with sans drinking, lives either multiple-states away, or in another country. *sigh* good to hear you're making progress on the new place, and the hammock sounds quite relaxing!

from comebacktome :

Moving sucks major ass, but your bathrooms do sound cute! Yay!

from jarofporter :

re: beard... 'goatee' are was about 3 inches long, sides were about half that. I looked like a really old 'grizzly adams' if you remember, or care to look that up. fun, but too sad. i'm not anywhere near as old as i look, damnit! >.<

from jarofporter :

congrats on getting the keys! moving sucks, but once you're in it'll be fun!

from jarofporter :

ugh. the 'blank stare' - used superfluous w/a coworker once & got that, then tried 'extraneous'; same stare. i gave up & walked away! lol

from jarofporter :

YaY! someone else uses 'superfluous' in ordinary conversation - i'm not the only one!

from comebacktome :

congratulations, that is awesome!!

from jarofporter :

congrats on the new digs!

from jarofporter :

more power to ya - i feel the same way about people. and why is it so hard to just find a decent, genuine someone with whom you can have an honest, 2-way conversation? hope this 'time off' helps! & i know it's only online, but you're welcome to talk with me any time you like.

from jarofporter :

yeah, but that's just how honest i am... ;-)

from cloudy-night :

Happy belated birthday! I hope it was awesome!

from jarofporter :

happy (slightly late) b-day! i didn't get in til midnight, otherwise i would've been on time with it!

from jarofporter :

thanks! ;-)

from cloudy-night :

I hope things work out between you and CA. He seems cool, we all have flaws. Love is a scary and frustrating thing, isn't it?

from fragilegirl8 :

I attempted to get tickets to see Tool since they will be in Atlanta next month. They sold out within the hour and I wasn't able to get one. So now people are reselling the tickets for double the price. So I wont be going. :(

from jarofporter :

thanks, getting better each day. hope i can start training again next week. how's things?

from jarofporter :

i'm sorry about your little turtle - i had two growing up. it's very sad when they pass on, i know...

from fragilegirl8 :

I am sorry about your tortoise. It's always sad when a pet passes away.

from simeons-twin :

Sorry about your tortoise :(

from jarofporter :

been having many of those "can't sleep" nights in the last month or two, i sympathize...

from raygirl999 :

Wow you just put my thoughts into the perfect words. I am tired of being guilted into hanging out with my friends every night, especially when they don't give me the time of day when their men are around. And they have no respect for how long it takes me to get to where they live. So annoying!

from jarofporter :

re:dating sites... "I just feel like I am not the one for these great guys." remember, these are grown-ass men who can make their own choices - it's not your place to decide for them whether you're right for them or not! ;-) you are who you are, be upfront, tell them you're not sure you want anything serious, but are interested in dating. if one eventually tickles your fancy (does anyone say that anymore? i think it was a grandparent-thing!?) you can make a decision at that point whether you want to maintain the physical connections you enjoy, or put them on hold to see where things go with a new guy. "it's *your* thing... do what you wanna do!", ya know? :-)

from enurta :

when you use wax you need to take an ice-cold shower afterwards. no soap. doesn't matter where on your body. it makes the skin calm down after you remove the wax-residue with oil.

from jarofporter :

hey, i get it, believe me. if you feel like actually talking with someone, you have my email. send me your # & i can call you, if you like. wait, i'll just send you mine & you can call when/if you want... :-)

from jarofporter :

yeah, not even close to chicago - i'm near kalamazoo, mi. effingham is a 5+ hr one way drive. might make a good weekend road trip on the cycle, but will entirely depend on circumstances, i guess... keep me posted!

from jarofporter :

if you make it to chicago & feel up to maybe meeting, let me know - i'm only about 2 hrs away. :-)

from fragilegirl8 :

Thanks so much. I know her too well and I don't see this all turning out well. It's sad but I am trying to focus on me and not worry about it. I hope you are doing good.

from cloudy-night :

Why are you so sad? Seems like everything in your life is going in the right direction. But I've learned that sometimes, what we strive for is only one key to the happiness we seek. I hope you find that thing that is missing at that will make you happy! You guys have some amazing concerts there! $300 bucks for the entire weekend would definitely be worth it! Although, I did miss the Fleetwood Mac concert here, that would've been awesome!

from jarofporter :

"I get fairly sad pretty often lately. I am attempting getting back into shape with my weight training. It helps to distract me, but I am still sad and lonely. So many friends, so many weekend adventures and things to do, yet still ..." - change 'friends' to 'acquaintances', and i could have written this. i feel ya, though i'm sorry for both of us. :-(

from jarofporter :

best of luck w/the sites again. being in a better place will be a lot of help. i signed up for match, but am not in that "better place" so it's of no use to me. really hope something great comes from it for you!

from jarofporter :

yeah, irritating that there's no notification for notes. that's why i check mine every time i log in. usually, i'm disappointed because there's nothing new - not surprised, mind you, just disappointed.

from fragilegirl8 :

When you get that private Tool and NIN show how about invite me. ;)

from fragilegirl8 :

Notes are back! Dont you just love it how people from your past show up at random times? Have a good weekend! :)

from jarofporter :

Notes are back, so I'm saying hi!

from fragilegirl8 :

Thanks.... Wishing you happy holidays!

from enurta :

http://silver4.diaryland.com/141128_10.html this entry of yours made me cry <3

from cloudy-night :

Sorry to hear that you're not feeling well. You have been under the weather quite a bit lately. I hope that you're taking care of yourself.

from cloudy-night :

I'm so sorry. Love is a hard concept to interpret because it doesn't mean the same thing to everyone ( I know it was rhetorical, but still felt I should answer in case it wasn't ). I am sorry for the pain that you are feeling and I hope by time you read this note, it would have lessened a bit. You are a very good person, hell you're a WonderfullyGreatAwesomelyCool person! For every friend I have, I wish they find their ultimate happiness and you're no different. I hope you find that happiness and that it continues to expand through every facet of your life. Cheer up and smile, okay?! Couldn't imagine you any other way if I tried.

from cloudy-night :

PoF, I wanted to try it, but it seems like too much work. I truly hope you find love because it seems as if you're together and that's more important than anything else I reckon. Glad to see that your dental practice is improving each and every day, you deserve it. And I don't know what incident occurred, but it seemed as if that detective should have been more accommodating. And sometimes it's good to gorge out your frustrations with ice cream ( if it isn't every day - I guess... ). As for me, I wouldn't think about becoming romantically involved with my first. We are so different and she wants me to be more than what I can be right now. I just want to find myself and be comfortable with that, y'know?

from cloudy-night :

from fragilegirl8 :

Congrats to you! :) I'm sure it's exciting for you to get good ratings and the best in the city!

from cloudy-night :

When a person lives and experience a lot of things, time goes by so quick that age become irrelevant. I hope things are well.

from cloudy-night :

Thank you for the inspiring note. What you said is true, I am the only one in charge of my life. I am attempting to make strides and the effort alone is the first step. Thank you, you're my virtual girl next door. :D

from cloudy-night :

I hope that you're feeling better now. People bring forth all type of feelings out of us and even I have felt like giving up on people ( surprise, surprise ;) ). YOU will FIND what you're looking for, when it's time. I believe that, so please believe it! You're probably feeling better now, but I just wanted to send you a note and let you know I'm always rooting for you. Later.

from fragilegirl8 :

I really doubt it. Sometime I feel like maybe I made a mistake, but if that's the case why don't I have loving feelings for him. Maybe he just wasn't "the one".

from cloudy-night :

Glad to hear that you're doing better. And thanks for the motivation, I am going to get up and do something tomorrow! :P

from cloudy-night :

Wow, you're still feeling unwell? I hope you get better soon! It's good that you got to rest for a while. Secretly hoping good things about your plans. Be well.

from fragilegirl8 :

I hope you feel better soon!

from jarofporter :

might write you an email in a bit, if you don't mind - could use your input.

from jarofporter :

hi! was curious what you meant by not giving up on her? not sure i understand... anyway, hope you're feeling better soon!

from englishsucks :

feel better soon! <3

from fragilegirl8 :

:) I actually listened to that song on the way to work this morning.

from fragilegirl8 :

Did you mean to quote tool there?

from cloudy-night :

Hope you feel better.

from cloudy-night :

Lol, I thought it was beautiful how you put it in. Hope that makes you feel better. :P

from cloudy-night :

I've heard that saying before, "I wish I could love him." Maybe in a book or a song, but it still makes me wish that person could love whom they wish to love. Hopefully it will happen...

from cloudy-night :

So you want to improve yourself, eh? That's a great goal to pursue and I bet you will succeed! You just happened to be one of those people that everyone wants to confide in. You don't have to be perfect to give good advice, it's like you're in tune with the world or something like that. It's a gift, I reckon. I hope things go well, I'm rooting for you!!!!

from fragilegirl8 :

Thanks for the note and the advice! :)

from cloudy-night :

Thank you for the note. I know I need to get out more, but I'm so used to being alone and it's hard for me to randomly go up to people and talk, not very good at the social thing. If I'm at a concert or something, I'm pretty much okay though. I have been reevaluating some things and I really need to get out more and I want to get my degree, just don't have any idea how to gain back my motivation. Thank you so much for the insight, I always appreciate it!!! And I've been reading your entries and it just seems like things are going so well. I just feel like when I comment, I jinx things - so I won't say much. Just :D

from fragilegirl8 :

I don't judge you. I hope one day you find what you are looking for.

from jaysthoughts :

Just checking to see how many diarylanders still actually check their notes and stay active.

from fragilegirl8 :

Glad you liked it. :)

from fragilegirl8 :

I have been watching too! I need a date as well. It's been almost a year since I have even had a kiss from a man. It gets lonely at times, but I am trying to hang in there hoping there is someone awesome out there for me.

from cloudy-night :

Glad to hear that you got an amazing review!

from cloudy-night :

Just read "Zero" and it hurts a little bit to read it. I don't know why I teared up, but I did. I guess I dislike to read that you're giving up. Especially when all you ever seem to do is cheer me up. It's true, money plays a huge role in many part of our lives. I'm sure that you will get a big, beautiful house one day. I'm sure you will meet the man of your dreams and get married and have children and become frustrated from time to time because you don't feel you will have time for yourself. But in the end you'll be happy with that. I'm sure that your business will continue to flourish because lets face facts, you're good at what you do and you bring out the best in the people around you. You're much too caring to give up, if you do that - I fear that there isn't any hope for me at all. You say you haven't felt for years and I don't know what you mean by that. I mean, every word I have ever read oozed with emotion. Also, guys can be jerks ( especially on dating sites! You can start over any time you wish too. The events are the past will remain but when someone starts over, it's not to forget the past. In many ways, it's to either rectify or ensure it doesn't happen again. In so many ways, it's a way to take new chances so we no longer have to live with regret due to actions of the past. Life is constantly changing, no days are similar and so in many ways, we do start over. It just seems, you're deciding to acknowledge a new beginning. And don't close yourself off to people, although I am telling you to do something that I do all the time. Getting hurt and hurting others are a part of life. It helps us becoming stronger and more aware of our feelings and those around us. And you tend to draw people in. You're like the sun, can't help but to affect people. You have to be open to things in the world to make sense of your own. I hope you'll be okay. I know time has passed since this entry, so I hopefully things are fine. Just bothered me to read that, that's all. Later.

from cloudy-night :

I hope that you enjoy your vacation! As much as you work and worry, you deserve a break my friend.

from jarofporter :

you most definitely can "start over". you just decide what you want, then figure out how to get it, then do it! question is, do you know what you want? i mean, really know? you have the confidence, the personality, to make things happen, so choose which things you want to keep, and discard/dismiss those which don't make you happy/satisfy you. (great advice coming from a guy who can't even get a date, right? lol) ;-)

from fragilegirl8 :

Haha.... One of the reason I am going to this show is because you never know what's going to happen and it could be the last. I believe Trent and Chris Cornell turning 50 this year or soon, so they won't be around forever. I am looking forward to hearing Chris' voice live. But music wise def looking forward to NIN.

from simeons-twin :

Thank you! It's been a good trip so far :)

from fragilegirl8 :

I feel the same as you. I get to see weddings and engagments thrown in my face on social media. Some of them piss me off. Like guys I wrote about here on Dland happy and getting married when all they wanted from me was a piece. I shouldn't care and I don't. Like I said I hate the fact it gets thrown in my face.

from cloudy-night :

You know, you do deserve a person like him. You're a good person. You look out for every one and you always find the good in people. Even if you can't hang up your player's hat, it doesn't mean you don't deserve a good person. Pretty sure when you get a good person, you'll just put the hat in a box and throw it in the back of a closet. It's amazing how you easily you get the guys to fall for you. This guy comes in your office all irate and frustrated and leaves having fallen for you - you're wild! I also know what you mean about people you know asking you questions about their teeth, but can't blame them. If I knew a dentist, doctor, optometrist, mathematician, or any other professional... I would bombard them with questions unless they tell me not to. I am also sorry to hear about your friend's dad, she's been through a lot. I hope her father gets better. Well, this has been a long not. Hope things are fine on your end, later!

from fragilegirl8 :

I did....it was kind of pointless though. So many people there. I will probably right about it tomorrow.

from fragilegirl8 :

We are all human...

from warpednormal :

yay thank you so much! looking forward to rocking your town! i bet its gonna be nuts for july the 4th!

from warpednormal :

I'm super excited!! we're going to rehab on Sunday, that's the only thing we have planned. What do you think would be the best club to visit on sat night? I know theres tons haha

from fragilegirl8 :

I doubt I would see anyone I knew there. His parents don't really not that I exist...not that I know of anyways. I met his brother once. The whole thing is complicated because not many people knew about us and the ones that did don't seem to care. :/

from cloudy-night :

I'm happy that things are going well with your dental practice and that your love is somewhat fine. I really hope that you don't end up getting hurt because it's a dangerous game. Trying not to fall in love isn't as easy as it sounds, but I'm not talking from experience, just from the things I've seen and heard. Well, take care and I hope I wasn't a complete downer.

from jarofporter :

glad M called - was going to offer my number, if you wanted. (obviously, through email - let me know if you'd like someone else to talk with...) :)

from fragilegirl8 :

The festival sounds fun.

from fragilegirl8 :

I was just curious. You haven't missed too much. Last nights episode was kinda sad when Marquel left. I think he should be the next Bachelor. He is from Vegas....

from fragilegirl8 :

Have you been watching The Bachelorette?

from fragilegirl8 :

Thank you. You are right. Sometimes I feel like some of the kindest people I have ever met are the ones I have never met in person. I am feeling better.

from raygirl999 :

Yes we can do it! I think it is definitely about putting myself in the right frame of mind and pushing myself. Glad to hear that the biz is going well! I love hearing good things about my DL buddies!

from jarofporter :

O/L = old lady, as I'm not sure if they're married or not. had written more, but it got too long, so if i still have your addy, i'm going to send an email!

from fragilegirl8 :

Thank you :) I will be thinking of you as well. I hope things start to look up for the both of us.

from cloudy-night :

I hope that you have a great nice rest! Sometimes, it's hard to sleep despite the fact that you wish you weren't awake.

from fragilegirl8 :

As I read your entry it sounded familiar....it started out like other peoples testimonies I have read before. I am not preaching to you by no means, I don't have a clue what your religious background is, and I am far from perfect and happy myself...but suggest you trying out a church maybe? A non denonational bible based church just to check it out and to see if maybe that's what's missing. Have an open mind about it and try several churches if you have too. I am also reminded of this quote by C.S. Lewis as I read your entry "If I discover within myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world� Feel free to email me sometime if wish to talk or have any questions. I'll be thinking about you...

from cloudy-night :

I'm happy for you! Seems like this thing has a lot of the key ingredients: excitement, adventure, passion, danger, and possibilities. :)

from cloudy-night :

I bet that Gun and Roses concert was awesome!

from fragilegirl8 :

I kind of feel the same way. I hate when I look at facebook I get other people's happiness thrown in my face. I am seen enough weddings and engagements this year.

from fragilegirl8 :

Thinking of you.... I hope all is well soon. Seems like everyone is going through a difficult time these days.

from jarofporter :

remember, you've got my email if you'd like to chat. take care, hope this passes soon.

from raygirl999 :

Awesome, enjoy your convention! I will be there Sat-Tuesday morning and I am staying at the riviera which I think is downtown. if you email me at raygirl999 [at] yahoo [dot] com i'll send you my number. I love downtown vegas! my coworker sent me a list of stuff to do but i don't even know where the stuff is and i don't want to leave my general area. my dad is gonna give me tx to stuff at the hotel as well. I '"matched" with 4 dudes and none of them replied. I think it's like speed dating where they ensure everyone gets at least one match so they come back again. They always have a plant!

from raygirl999 :

Not staying with fam b/c my dad's wife is a dumb whore. So I am staying in hotel by my choice. Also, I love hotels anyway. They make a vacation seem more real.

from raygirl999 :

Hey I'm going to Vegas May 17-20, any recommendations on what I can do? I won;t have a car and I'm staying off the strip (at the Riviera).

from cloudy-night :

Finding love is a very difficult thing to do, but you will eventually - good luck! :)

from lanienaked :

well i kinda think cops are BS in general, at least here they are. i see them turn on sirens all the time just to bypass a red light and then turn them off after crossing, and all kinds of other personal gain BS. i dont respects cops at all.. pretty sad.

from cloudy-night :

I am happy that April is finally getting better for you and sorry about all the drama with CA. He seems to be like me, insecure when it comes to women. When I am interest in someone, I always question if I'm worthy of them. Never feel quite good enough and I start to become an ass because I'd rather have some control, although it should often be pointed inwards instead of toward the one I desperately desire. Hopefully it works out, if not - then you will both find happiness somewhere else. I am glad that you met some new people and things are going well on that note also. Shine on!

from jarofporter :

positive vibes heading your way...

from englishsucks :

((hugs)) hang in there <3

from fragilegirl8 :

I hope everything starts to look up for you soon!

from cloudy-night :

Sorry to hear that you're in pain right now. It's okay to cry, y'know? Even if there were people around, it's okay. Life is filled with ups and downs and the best that any of us can do is the embrace whatever may come with the kind of poise that you seem to naturally possess. Things will get better and who knows, maybe April is your month. I hope you feel better.

from jarofporter :

i understand... if i were closer by, i'd offer you a pair of arms, no strings attached, no ulterior motives. sometimes, just a little comfort & closeness is all that's needed to get through a rough patch. positive thoughts coming your way...

from cloudy-night :

Well, 20/30 is the best I will ever get with corrected vision. As it stands now, I'm 20/120 left and 20/140 (or was it 20/160) right without them. I have been wearing glasses for as long as I could remember. My old optometrist told my mama that it was due to the fact that I was a premie that my sight is the way it is. Thing is, I don't plan on driving too much because I always feared that my lack of vision may cause someone danger. So that reason, along with my mama's tension about it, is the why I wasn't trying my absolute best to get a license. But as long as I wear my glasses and can see the speed limit, traffic, signs, people and all - I should be okay. But I agree with what you said, makes a lot of sense.

from cloudy-night :

Wish would elaborate on your last entry. Whatever is going on, things will get better. You just have get up and move forward! If you feel like something isn't going right in life, you can repair it.

from cloudy-night :

Things will get better. Sometimes you have to wait, it's beyond our control at times.

from fragilegirl8 :

Wanted to let you know that NIN will be on Austin City Limits this weekend.

from cloudy-night :

What happened on fb? Something with your practice? Seems things with CA is going well. Hope that your work-related problems aren't causing you too much woe.

from jarofporter :

yes, "home" is the problem, isn't it? quiet, empty, missing an essential "something"? it's one of the reasons i go out so often. hope the wine helps... :-/

from jarofporter :

thanks, i hope so to (same goes for you!), but even if they did, i'd likely be too shy/self-conscious to do anything about it anyway. *sigh*

from fragilegirl8 :

I was going to message you about the NIN show as well! I saw it on Facebook the other night. I plan on going to the Atlanta show. My brother is going with me. He really wants to see Soundgarden. I really wouldn't mind see Chris Cornell at least once in my lifetime. I am going to try to get tickets this Tuesday, depending on price. If I go I want good seats. I have a Facebook page set up for my online business but I don't think it's helped any. It's alway hit or miss when selling online.

from jarofporter :

Went with a high-deductible plan this year. saved me $750/yr, and we got a $250 bonus thrown into a new HSA account if we opened one. I haven't been sick in years, so I figured it was a safe bet. This is why I don't gamble!

from cloudy-night :

We all question our beliefs and we are all feel that things are hopeless from time to time. But those posts that you have on your wall seem very awesome. I usually say a quote I heard from a video game and hope it rings true. As far as your ex goes, if he were to see you now - I bet he'd be proud. I bet he was the sort of man who was always proud and supporting of you. Don't give up on having it all because you truly deserve to have it all. Also, love isn't something that is easily obtain, in spite of all the match.coms and so on. Have faith that fate has something in store because I do. :D Hope you feel better by time you've read this.

from jarofporter :

thanks for the note, and the understanding of my silliness! I hope I can come up with something to say to her - i suck at small talk.

from raygirl999 :

What kind of training do you do in order to run so many races? I have terrible endurance (must stop smoking). I think I might have exercise asthma or something

from cloudy-night :

I guess I need to find my own coping mechanisms when it comes to dealing with my fears because nail polish probably wouldn't do it for me. :P I hope all is well!

from raygirl999 :

Thanks! I am trying to not take him seriously.

from raygirl999 :

Thanks for the note and THANK YOU for being rational and not crazy like my boss. Seriously he wants like 10,000 followers in 3 days. He thinks that spamming people should be allowed. Ridiculous.

from fragilegirl8 :

Thanks for the note. I have been thinking of getting into running...

from igotsprung :

Ever try runnning outdoors? I'd shoot myself before I'd run 30 minutes on a treadmill. It is B-O-O-O-R-ING!!!! I love running outside, though. You can people-watch, stare in people's windows, notice so many things you would never notice driving, get lost in your thoughts. Just carry your mace and don't wear headphones!

from igotsprung :

from jarofporter :

i'm sorry to hear that. :-(

from cloudy-night :

I am trying my best to lay of the soda, but I guess the latest founding about soda addiction is somewhat true - going through withdraw. I wish I had your kind of willpower, I don't really have any snacks here at home, but I do eat a lot of processed food and trans-fats. Oh you shouldn't worry about eating ice cream every once in a while. Nothing in moderation is bad, only when done excessively (like yours truly :( ). Thanks for your kind words, they help an awful lot and I'll try to be patient. I don't know what I like to do, I was taking up computer science, which I do enjoy the challenge of ( doesn't come easy to me and that's what I like, I guess). Maybe I'll reevaluate things before I enroll again. As far as your business is concerned, I think that everything will work out just fine. It's in its infancy and it will grow, so don't fret. As far as the 8 mile race go, good luck! Hell, I'm impressed you can run 3! I have trouble running 2 blocks, so 3 miles may as well be 300 in my opinion. Good luck with the boot camp, it sounds fun and exhausting. Here's to hoping that you become fast and agile like a Cheetah or Jaguar or some other cool animal!

from jarofporter :

"I feel we are the same yet so different! " - I've thought this myself on several occasions!

from simeons-twin :

Good luck!

from fragilegirl8 :

Happy belated birthday. Good luck with musician guy! Reading your entry reminded me of the first night I met my musician ex.

from fragilegirl8 :

Thanks for sharing...

from jarofporter :

out of curiosity, what's "tinder"? i'm not seeing much on OKC. Oh, and POF is a POS. btw, cats won't stop the right guy, so get them if you want! i'm debating getting a couple again, myself.

from fragilegirl8 :

I don't verbally talk to him about the relationship. I only text him about it. When we talk on the phone I don't bring it up. It's too hard to talk about.

from fragilegirl8 :

I watched that same Dr. Phil episode. It first aired when I was really in a deep depression. It was sad. I really felt that I knew what she was going through. Just goes to show you all kinds of people struggle I guess.

from fragilegirl8 :

I watched the Gia thing last night as well. It made me cry a little... so sad. I feel like I knew what she was going through.

from jarofporter :

i try my best to keep myself open to meeting someone, but yes, sometimes i get the feeling that some of us might be meant to be alone. on one hand, i think we may be asking for too much, and "settling" would solve the problem - then i realize that "settling" eventually makes for two unhappy people. btw, can i borrow your entry & just change the names? felt like i wrote this... hang in there. i always remind myself of this quote... �Anything less than mad, passionate, extraordinary love is a waste of time. There are too many mediocre things in life to deal with and love shouldn't be one of them.� ― Tiffanie DeBartolo

from fragilegirl8 :

Good luck with the blind date....you never know what could happen.

from raygirl999 :

Happy New Year! Congrats in your awesome career success and I hope that 2014 is great for you!

from jarofporter :

anything you want to vent about, i'm around - i offer because i've felt the same way before & remember how it felt... i know that you're not cursed, or hopeless though. :)

from fragilegirl8 :

Congrats on the review! The lead singer of TON died in 2010, which sucks I never got to see them live. My favorite song is "Love you to death". I would recommend their greatest hits album which is titled "Least worst of".

from fragilegirl8 :

You are right! It is today. Thanks! I was curious... since we seem to like some of the same music. Do you listen to Type O Negative?

from jarofporter :

i forgot to say thanks for the note the other day - much appreciated! :)

from cloudy-night :

If I were in your friends position, I would have thought the same thing. But it's good to start off as friends first and if something spawns from it, so be it. If not, then you have found a great friend and those are even harder to come by than lovers.

from cloudy-night :

I hope that you find the person, CW does seem like he would be awesome for you. I also think that it's very awesome that the man you mentioned is helping you get your business out there - that is very awesome!

from fragilegirl8 :

Sounds like you are busy busy and have a lot going on. I too feel sometimes that I am one of those women who are destined to be forever alone....probably with some cats. I remember a while back I posted a Facebook status telling people that I was like the single friend you see in every sitcom. Always dating and never finding the right one....until the end. If that's the case I hope my sitcom has a happy ending. If not you might catched me on an episode of Hoarders with a bunch of cats.lol

from cloudy-night :

Romance is such a difficult thing. We are all on the search for someone who can meet our needs and vice-versa. It will work out, I'm sure of that!

from fragilegirl8 :

Thanks for the positive note. :) I am just taking it one day at a time.

from fragilegirl8 :

We talk every day just haven't seen each other. I think I want to boycott my birthday this year....

from fragilegirl8 :

Ok that's pretty cool. I hope you feel better soon. Sounds like you have the flu :(

from fragilegirl8 :

IS this the show you were at? http://music.yahoo.com/blogs/music-news/trent-reznor-colleague-stoic-rock-photographer-andrew-youssef-201136080.html

from cloudy-night :

Congrats on completing the run. It must have been one heck of a run to leave your feet sore, maybe you should get some Dr. Scholl's. I hope by time you read this, the emptiness you feel will have subsided. We all want to be love, it's only natural. You have all these great things going on in your life and it's only right to want to end the day with someone. Someone who wants to know how your day is, someone who is concerned, someone who wants to be there for you. You will find that or it will find you, just have to be patient. Take care!

from jarofporter :

http://silver4.diaryland.com/131126_1.html - i'm with ya... frustrating as hell, isn't it. *sigh*

from fragilegirl8 :

I know what you mean! The NIN show I went to was with a friend that only knew like 2 songs. Everything is about the same on my end. I hope things get better soon.

from fragilegirl8 :

Let me know how the show is. I probably would have gone if they were going to be closer to me and if I had someone to go with me. How do you like the new album? I haven't listened to it but I did watch a youtube video of them performing a new song. It sounded pretty different and I am not sure that I liked it. I knew Trent was married but I recently read he has 2 kids. I had no idea!

from fragilegirl8 :

Congrats! Sounds like things are going well.

from cloudy-night :

I wish I had your willpower! I mean, I just smashed a whole bad of doritos and not the small bag, it was like a party bag! True, it's the only thing I had to eat today, but I would love to give it up in its entirety! I hope every thing works out and that the two C's don't complicate things for you. Also, it's not the loss of faith that makes one revert, it's often the fear of something that causes us to revert to past habits or thoughts. You do believe that you will find love, right? If that's the case, toss aside the fear and continue to have faith. In the lightest and darkest of times, faith is more the belief in oneself that in outside forces. :)

from cloudy-night :

Wow, a lot can occur in a few hours and especially when one is a bit tipsy. First off, I don't think that you're a terrible person. You're a young woman with needs and it's normal. I am not sure if it's right that you have fun with a guy who is in a relationship. I mean, what if the shoe was on the other foot? Yet and still, if something happens, it happens. Takes two to tango, right? Next, I think it's awesome that you confessed your feelings to CW, I wish I could be that brave! The ball is in his court now and all you can do is what you did. You told him your feelings and gave him your support, awe-fully sweet in my opinion - regardless of how/why it came out, very sweet. Finally, happy that the party was a success!!!

from jarofporter :

sounds good! same goes for you, if you're ever within 6-8 hrs of SW michigan on a weekend, let me know!

from jarofporter :

stepfordtart is actually the 3rd person i've met from d-land (as far as i can recall). i really dig meeting people from here, it's always been a great experience! i think it'd be really cool to meet you too, if we were ever close enough for it to happen!

from cloudy-night :

I agree. I think the key is to find someone who will love you as you are. Thing is, I have no idea who I am. I guess what I wanted to say was that, I can't expect anyone to be happy with me when I'm not happy with myself. You know what I mean? I don't want to change for anyone but me and until I am happy with who I am, how can I ask anyone to put up with me? Wouldn't be fair to whoever it is that I am in love with. You however, seem like quite the catch. Won't be long before you're writing entries about a wedding and children - can't wait to read that, going to have to read it twice! Thank you for all the advice because I truly love it when you give it to me. Causes me to reflect and take the right steps.

from jarofporter :

with all those bands it sounds like it was a great festival!

from cloudy-night :

When you're great, you become recognized. You can't remain in the shadows, too much light shining on you. You can still separate things - public vs private.

from cloudy-night :

*claps* Glad to hear things are moving forward! That is the most awesome thing that I read today!

from newschick :

it depends on where in USA you are. my friend in texas reported that it's only $800/month down there. but yeah...a bit ridiculous. and congrats on the new office!!!

from fragilegirl8 :

Congrats!

from simeons-twin :

Congratulations on your new office! You'll do great!

from cloudy-night :

Congrats! Good luck, but I don't think there is a need - you're going to flourish!

from cloudy-night :

First off, you're not a random person and I really do care what you think. So if you were to tell me that the world was flat and not round, I would think long and hard about rather that's true or not. I am grateful for your note and I do try my best to hand in there, but I just feel lost all the time and if it wasn't for my mama, I would definitely quit this job and go in search of answers. Don't mistake the comment, my mama isn't holding me back from anything - I just choose to do what I do. I haven't mentioned it because I don't want to complain. I dislike my job. I don't think that I will be able to return to UMKC and it may be better to attend a different school altogether. However, I don't know what I want to do anymore, so I don't think I should waste money and struggle for no reason at all. I will go back, may be thirty-four or thirty-five, but I will. I love reading your entries and if they are rambling thoughts, I can't tell. I really hope that things are going well and it's nice to see that someone can budget their money well. I hope you're resting and not stressing out because things will be fine and this step that you decided to take is a good one and eventually it will become great! I am at work and I don't want to get fired for slacking off. I thought I sent it to you, but if you ever want to know what's going on just email me at [email protected]. Later.

from newschick :

at least you know your finances... most people don't and then spend way over budget because they forget to factor in all those 'basic living expenses'. :)

from cloudy-night :

I'm doing as well as one can be expected. Thanks for asking. You on the other hand, seem really busy. I hope everything goes beyond well for you. It's also true that you may not need anyone in your life right now, but eventually we all need someone to share our success with. I hope you find it one day, although you don't seem to need it right now.

from cloudy-night :

Hmmmm, seems like you have a lot on your plate. I hope that everything is going well and that you remember to relax every once in a while. Later!

from fragilegirl8 :

I hope all goes well. Good luck!

from jarofporter :

you're gonna be fine! but you already know this, don't you? ;-)

from newschick :

Thank you! :)

from raygirl999 :

What better to talk about than achieving your dreams? You are doing something awesome that takes a lot of work. I find it inspiring and couldn't care less about concerts and boys haha.

from fragilegirl8 :

thanks for the note

from jarofporter :

thanks for the input! there's really only one person (an ex) i'm concerned with finding me, but i got paranoid & deleted the link. in all likelihood, she doesn't even think of me anymore, so maybe i'll change my mind & post it again. i added something about pics to, as i'm not going to post any. damnit, guess i'll put the link back up! lol

from jarofporter :

damn, do i know it...

from cloudy-night :

Happy to hear that you're actually having a nice, soothing vacation.

from englishsucks :

your note about choosing Dom made me feel a whole lot better for some reason. I mean I know the exactly what I want and what I need but it's nice to have someone that agreed with the choice I made sometimes. :) Thank you for that note.

from englishsucks :

I finally wrote a (unsent) letter about what was bothering me which I just posted it this morning. After I wrote it, I feel so much better now. That's pretty much sum it up. No more confusing shit for me haha

from englishsucks :

the whole situation that i was in - i was overwhelmed with emotions for Stephen and Dom but im a lot more calm now and im ok again :)

from englishsucks :

I like your positive attitude. ;)

from fragilegirl8 :

I saw that. I think they released the new single the other day. Haven't heard it yet though.

from warpednormal :

thank you <3

from fragilegirl8 :

Thanks for the note. T is under alot of work and personal stress still. I am hoping he gets better. Meanwhile I am just waiting around, not sure what to do about anything.

from fragilegirl8 :

You will find someone who is passionate about you.

from englishsucks :

ouch!! i hope you feel better soon!!!

from lanienaked :

omg how weird.. and what a small world. my mother who is a dental assistant attended that dental gathering. I know cause my brother drove her there. crazy! btw i've been curious what website are you using to meet people?

from jarofporter :

Not surprised you hadn't gotten my reply - I just sent it now! Sorry I wasn't a bit clearer about that - and maybe I misunderstood, but I thought you said you had sent me a 2nd email after the long one? If so, I didn't get that, but if not, well, that explains why I didn't! ;-)

from jarofporter :

I got the long one - my reply has been long-ish as well, should have it sent tonight. Haven't gotten anything since, though!?

from jarofporter :

non-d-land email sent!

from jarofporter :

test email sent...

from fragilegirl8 :

Thanks for the note. Some of my family knows what I am dealing with.

from jarofporter :

Hey, was wondering if you get emails forwarded from your d-land email addy (I haven't been). Was going to take you up on your offer & send that dating profile, but not sure if I should send it here!? Btw, sorry there wasn't any chemistry on your date. That's almost as (if not more) frustrating as having nothing about which to talk.

from fragilegirl8 :

Congrats

from jarofporter :

"I do feel quite alone, in so many ways, not just the lack of a relationship. It's my friendships as well." - really identify with that, in fact, with most all of the penultimate paragraph. it's tough to hang with the "married w/children" crowd when it's not really you.

from fragilegirl8 :

I'm sorry....

from igotsprung :

Clarification: By "make you feel that way," I mean right, attracted, in love.

from igotsprung :

"He said that he 'can't' find the time for me. He says 'can't' like it is a matter of impossibility. The truth of the matter is, it is a choice. He 'won't'." Well, I know that guy -- I married him. I had two kids with him. I loved him from the first time I had dinner with him and I knew, right then, that he was the man I was going to marry. It felt right when he touched me. Everything felt right. No one else ever felt like that, and I thought he would have time for me when this, that, or the other thing changed at work. I was 23 and stupid, 25 and still stupid. He drove me crazy for 10 years and I loved him the whole time. He didn't have time to come home a lot of nights and so I packed him dinner to heat up at the office and brought the kids to bring him lunch. He did, however, find time to cheat on me because, he told me, I wasn't a nice person and all I did was nag and bitch. I know it sucks right now, but it is better than staying with him and feeling this way all the time, and losing your self-esteem and self-confidence and sanity because no matter what you do you and no matter how much other people value you, you are never close to his first priority. There are other fish out there, including fish who make you feel that way AND value you and want to be with you 100 percent. I'm proof of that, no? Hang in there, girl.

from jarofporter :

so many things to say about this, yet no idea how to do so. it's like i could have written it myself. one thought though - don't fake it with everyone; don't be afraid to open up to your close friends, because going it alone is hell. believe me, i know. take care...

from jarofporter :

it's so hard to take the step from "something" to "nothing" (no matter how crappy the "something" is), but it's cool as hell that you took your stand! Sorry for the sadness that ensues, but now there's room for new growth... stay strong! oh, and warpednormal's note made me more than a bit sad myself. would that i hadn't read it.

from warpednormal :

SENDING YOU ALL THE LOVE AND HUGS IN THE WORLD FROM HERE. you deserve the world, i swear to you :) "Life will break you. Nobody can protect you from that, and living alone won't either, for solitude will also break you with its yearning. You have to love. You have to feel. It is the reason you are here on earth. You are here to risk your heart. You are here to be swallowed up. And when it happens that you are broken, or betrayed, or left, or hurt, or death brushes near, let yourself sit by an apple tree and listen to the apples falling all around you in heaps, wasting their sweetness. Tell yourself you tasted as many as you could."

from lanienaked :

i don't think you overreacted at all. 2 hrs in a month is ridiculous! what's the point of being in a relationship if you're not actually seeing each other?!

from warpednormal :

oh hun, i feel like i'm in the exact same situation as you. had a little break down myself when i found out he was too hungover to come out with me even though he promised he would. your entry inspired me and reminded me that yes, WE ARE SPECIAL AND DESERVING of love. the attention, affection, appreciation...all of that good shit that we sometimes forget to give to ourselves. you are enough :) xoxoxo

from jarofporter :

you're damn right you deserve better. if he can't step up his end, set him free to make room in your life for someone who will. nobody should take a back seat like that.

from igotsprung :

You go girl! I know your office will be a success. You are smart and driven and SENSIBLE which I admire greatly. I suspect you know that and you don't need me telling you, but anyway ... best wishes from Connecticut!

from fragilegirl8 :

Wow...that's sad news. Sorry to hear that.

from raygirl999 :

It sounds like you have things totally planned out and you mean business. I am inspired! Good luck!

from fragilegirl8 :

Thanks :)

from raygirl999 :

I have been thinking about that honestly. This is not the job i imagined I'd have, but I can't just ignore a chance to move forward in my career and to be respected for once. This could be a good chance for me. I am going to see what happens.

from fragilegirl8 :

Thanks for the note. It seems like your dreams are coming together. Good luck with all that. P.S. I read on Monday that NIN is touring again.

from raygirl999 :

Good luck on the 5k!!

from lanienaked :

haha i didn't end up feeling much better by the end of my birhtday.

from fragilegirl8 :

Good luck with your plans. I hope you get what you need out of the loan.

from raygirl999 :

Thanks for the note. Yes, I am glad to have a job(s) but I am ready to find something I actually like. The guy in charge did say that in the beginning it would be boring and tedious but after the company launches there would be more opportunities for interesting work. The thing is, he himself annoys me and I don't see how I will ever like the work because it is unrelated to writing or any kind of internet coding, SEO analytics stuff that I have been learning about. But ti pays the bills! Glad that you are starting your own practice now and found the perfect spot for it. I see 2013 as being a good year.

from lanienaked :

congrats! these first steps are always the hardest..

from lanienaked :

I did enjoy vegas but I lost like $300. I just wanted a mediocre win. I'm so jealous you won so much money those couple of times. next time I'm in vegas, I want to watch absinthe and many one of the cirque de soleil shows.

from fragilegirl8 :

In case I don't get a chance to tell you....happy birthday!

from cloudy-night :

Hey, has been a while since I've wrote a note. I've been reading and it seems like things were looking good for you in concerns of romance and I'm sure things will work out. So you're leaving your job? Are you planning on going to Texas? What about the assistant that you consider your twin - does she know?

from fragilegirl8 :

Thanks...

from lanienaked :

sorry to hear your relationship hasn't been going so well, but it sounds like you are getting it together career-wise. good luck!

from englishsucks :

(hugs) happy new year darling

from igotsprung :

Now would be a good time for me to tell you that I think you could do better, right? A guy who keeps pictures of his exes everywhere is just boosting his ego by making other people (you) feel unimportant and unspecial. That's not healthy or normal. You deserve to be with someone who has a picture of YOU as his screensaver.

from raygirl999 :

AWESOME! Congrats on your big score!

from fragilegirl8 :

Yes, he did. :)

from fragilegirl8 :

I got a necklace as well. :) It had a black diamond butterfly pendant on it.

from fragilegirl8 :

I don't remember the details but I had a dream that we met.

from raygirl999 :

I gotta say, that story made me smile :-).

from fragilegirl8 :

from raygirl999 :

I am mad that they lied for months just to keep me there and make me do the hard-ass grunt work. I wanted I leave ages ago (you recall my disgust with this job) but they stringed me along...I don't think they realize what a bad decision that was. So glad the company is hemorrhaging money and the stock is tanking. In the past six weeks, three other people have quit and I will make four. And those people all had been there for years (one for 40 years!) and got tired of the bullshit this company is drowning in.

from raygirl999 :

I called in sick yesterday because I couldn't' bear to see their faces and deal with the bullshit. So I came in today and immediately spoke to my boss and said I was cutting back my hours to what was agreed upon when I started and that I was looking for a new job. He got pissy and said "constructive criticism: you have a bad attitude" ummmm, yeah dude, not buying it. Such a loser. So yeah, tomorrow I will come in and prove how unprepared and dumb this new chick is and how ir will suck when I leave. They are losers because no one knows how to run the site but me and I built the entire thing. Four of them in fact. Think you can keep running your little fiefdom while I suffer and get treated like less than shit? Sorry dude; happy to see you fall flat on your fail face.

from raygirl999 :

Thanks for the note. You are very right. I did all of this work, being limited to 39 hours a week so they don;t have to give me benefits and as soon as it's done, they hire some other person to get the credit and run the site. Everyone is mad at him though so yay! I think i should apply for their competitors. I plan to give the shittiest training ever tomorrow. I mean, if this chick is good enough to take credit for my work, she should be smart enough to figure out how to do it, right? That's what she gets the big bucks and the health insurance. I can' see myself making it to the new year. I don't want to come back froma fun holiday to deal with this shit.

from fragilegirl8 :

Thanks for the note. :) He knows how I feel about it and he feels super guilty about the way he acted. We do talk about our relationship. He doesn't do this all the time. He has drank too much maybe like 3 times in the 17 months we have been dating. When it happens it is not a very pleasant experiance for me. :/

from lanienaked :

i hope you enjoy hawaii even if he's not up for it.

from fragilegirl8 :

Have fun!

from igotsprung :

I can really sympapthize with the insomnia. People who can sleep don't get it. And it's always the worst when you need sleep the most, isn't it? I've learned to trick myself by lying down on the couch with the lights on and telling myself that I'm only going to close my eyes for a few minutes and then get up and be productive, since I can't sleep ... sometimes that works and I actually do...

from alethia :

Thanks! :D It was a truly most excellent birthday! :D

from lanienaked :

i bet your exes think of you. i'm sure of it. it's human nature to think about the past i think.

from fragilegirl8 :

Good luck with your dream! I like planning trips too. T pays of course because I can't afford it, but I use my online skills to find us great places to eat and to visit and what not. T says that's one of the things he likes about me. I am very anal about being prepared.

from fragilegirl8 :

Thank you :)

from fragilegirl8 :

Thanks for the note. I did try ebay once. I tried to sell one item which was an antique print. But it didn't sell after 3 tries. I increased my minutes on my cell phone so hopefully no more overage charges. Because of where I live jobs are hard to come by in a small town and it wouldn't be worth it to drive to the bigger city for another job since the money I would make would just go toward gas and I already drive over 50 miles a day now. I sold another item for $5 today on the online yard sale...so maybe it might be worth it? We'll see...

from igotsprung :

Don't tell him. Don't tell him. Don't tell him. if you don't want to, don't do it. Wait till you want to ... if you don't, that is telling you something. If you force it, don't you think you'll just end up in something you can't extricate yourself from easily (no anaesthesia in relationships) and he'll end up hurt...?

from fragilegirl8 :

I know how you feel and I hope you figure it out.

from lanienaked :

haha. you never know, things could change. people change you... lol

from lanienaked :

wow wanting to move in after 2.5 months seems pretty quick... but then again some people get married after 3 months :x

from raygirl999 :

And I missed you, my sister from another...mister? Well that sounds silly, haha. I think of you when i talk to my dad about visiting him in LV. Next time I go to see him and his wife, we must hang out!

from raygirl999 :

password gone for now. I will add one back later (maybe) and let y'all know. For now it's a free-for-all haha.

from lanienaked :

omg i love person of interest. why haven't you finished all of season 1 yet? and i love john and (his) tragic love story!! can't wait for season 2...

from fragilegirl8 :

Thanks :)

from fragilegirl8 :

Have fun. I hope all goes well.

from fragilegirl8 :

I posted that song on my friend's fb on Friday. I also still own the tape.

from igotsprung :

Two words for you: SPERM BANK! I totally understand the mommy-urge because I had that too, but unfortunately I went the traditional route ... once you have kids with someone, you can never, ever, EVER get them out of your life. Ever! So if a guy has flaws now -- rest assured you will be dealing with those flaws daily for the next 18 years if you let him father your child. :) I feel the same way about having my house, my bed and my independence, too -- about not wanting to be rushed or pushed ...

from fragilegirl8 :

My friend told me that Ryan got made fun of in high school because he spent too much time looking at himself in the mirror in the bathroom.

from cloudy-night :

:) that's all I have to say or express... :)

from fragilegirl8 :

Just read your note....I haven't told T anything yet. My emotions go back and forth. I guess it's this funk I'm in.

from fragilegirl8 :

What you do think of the guys on the Bachelorette? My friend went to high school with Ryan.

from lanienaked :

its a game. search for league of legends... or you can search for lol. it's the first link. it's a game similar to dota

from lanienaked :

I thought that the definition of a lightweight meant that you can't drink very much before getting drunk, doesn't necessarily have to do hangovers. I've never gotten a hangover before, but I get drunk really quickly (only after a few drinks or maybe a couple shots) and all my friends call me a lightweight.

from igotsprung :

I know how you feel about being tapped out and empty. I think. You get so you can handle life fairly well, because nothing really matters all that much, but how is it for the other person when you really don't care much if they're there at or not? How do you become emotionally available again? Let me know if you figure it out.

from fragilegirl8 :

I somewhat know how you feel. I've mostly suffered from depression but at times I've felt like I had to fake emotions.

from fragilegirl8 :

Thanks for the note! This is def the most mature relationship I've ever been in.

from cloudy-night :

You'll find your place and hopefully that discovery won't be too far off. And in the meantime and between-time, just remain a chipper and optimistic as you always do. As far as my plans, I plan to just roll with it.

from cloudy-night :

I hope that you find a place that really appreciate you. However, I thought you were going to Texas? Did you change your mind?

from fragilegirl8 :

Thanks for the note. :)

from raygirl999 :

Your for sure did the right thing. You saved your sis pain and possibly worse, like a disease or something. Everyone would be lucky to have a friend like you!

from raygirl999 :

Your for sure did the right thing. You saved your sis pain and possibly worse, like a disease or something. Everyone would be lucky to have a friend like you!

from fragilegirl8 :

I would have done the same thing as you.

from cloudy-night :

I hope you find someone you comfortable with. I was in a situation with someone who acted similar. She thought it was just what you said and nothing more. Thing is, I kinda of fell for her. I never thought of it just as it is. There's so much more to. Connecting with a person physically and mentally and sometimes spiritually. Being allowed to see a part of someone that a lot of people will never get to see. It's dangerous and it can hurt more than words or physical pain. If used with reckless abandon. When I read this, I wanted to hear that you were happy. But I didn't hear that. Just be careful not cut yourself off from others emotionally all the time. It hurts everyone involved.

from fragilegirl8 :

Thank you for the note. :)

from simeons-twin :

It may be nothing serious, but better make sure it is so. Hope you're feeling better!

from raygirl999 :

Yikes, I hope you are doing OK now! Take care of yourself.

from raygirl999 :

OMG move to TX if you can!!! I have lived everywhere and I still long to go back to TX! The money goes so far there and the weather rocks and...just do it!!!

from raygirl999 :

It's so true! Sometimes I read your diary and wonder if we are living the same life. I do go to LV fairly often cause my dad lives there now (has for 10 years). Maybe we have even hung out at the same places!

from cloudy-night :

I pray you have the whole thing. A baby, a hubby, and a nice home to complete it all. Usually a person has such a strong dream, it's more than desire - it's premonition.

from cloudy-night :

Happy Birthday! Welcome to the 30's club where out model is, "It's all down hill from here!" Enjoy! :P

from fragilegirl8 :

Happy birthday! :)

from fragilegirl8 :

Thanks for letting me know. :) I am about 3 hours from Charlotte. I doubt I will make it since T and I have other getaways planned that are coming up.

from englishsucks :

I'm in exact same boat! Lately this guy that I've been talking to online, met him twice, but hes still acting all awkward around me and i wondered if its me that he might not be attracted to....one day he says hes into me, then other day he says he's not interested...then when I go on my way, he'd give me more attention than usual. He's actually very nerdy in real life but hes gorgeous. :/

from simeons-twin :

That "something good" will come: make it happen :) Happy New Year!

from cloudy-night :

That emptiness you feel will leave eventually because the fact is, you are such a great person! I really understand how you feel and sometimes you have to wear a mask and wear a fraudulent smile in order to make everyone else happy. But on a good note, I think it's awesome that you make such cool gifts for you sister and wear pretty outfits ( hope none of that seemed sexist). Have a MERRY CHRISTMAS and a HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

from fragilegirl8 :

Tool should be a good show. I have never seen Tool but I did see A Perfect Circle when they opened up for NIN on the Fragility tour back in 2000....wow that seems forever ago...

from fragilegirl8 :

Thank you :)

from fragilegirl8 :

Get well soon. I am also sick AGAIN. :/

from cloudy-night :

Awww, I hope that you feel better. It's amazing that you made it through a twelve hour work day. I had the flu last year and I couldn't make it through my part-time job! But it's said that women are better at handling sickness than men. Go figure. Feel better soon!

from cloudy-night :

Wow, that sound like on hell of a wedding! I feel sorry for JK, his hubby's sister is going to be all up in their business for the rest of their lives - worse than having the mother-in-law involved. I'm really sorry that things will never seem to work out between you and R. I know how it feels to harbor such strong emotions for someone and all the while, that person never realizes. I never known how it felt to become separated by cultural differences though (not that I won't). Love will find you, such things takes time. Also, it usual arrives when you least expect it or desire it. Good luck Silver!!!

from raygirl999 :

It was completely painless minus the shots of novacaine (or whatever it was.) I get my splint off in another 3 weeks if all goes well and then he can fix my chipped teeth. I might need another root canal though :-(. I didn't even get pain meds after the fact because I didn't want them (I had a paper to write). So it's advil for me!

from raygirl999 :

Well long story short, I was drunk on Friday with this girl in one of my classes. She started running around the streets so I ran after her because I did not know the neighborhood. I fell in the street and my tooth flew out and I chipped the one right next to it. After waiting forever for a cab to take my bloody self to the ER, they put it back in and splinted (stinted? I can't remember the word) my teeth and put wire on them. I had a follow-up for xrays on Monday and they said it is healing OK but my gums are cut in one area (over the chipped tooth, not the one that was knocked out). I have a root canal today. I want to get the chip fixed ASAP. Also when they put the tooth back in it didn't go in all the way (WTF? I think the doctor screwed up actually) so it is longer now than the one next to it. I want to get it filed down but I don't want to have the tooth fall out again due to the pressure of a file or whatever. What can I do?

from raygirl999 :

Oh my I just remembered I have an expert dentist here to whom I can ask questions! So what are the odds the tooth that was knocked out will stay in? 2) how bad is a root canal? and how long is the recovery process? 3) How long would you say I should wait to have the chips in the teeth fixed (I want to do it NOW haha)?

from cloudy-night :

You seem down, I thought that women loved looking younger than what they really are. Young and a good dentist, those are compliments - right? I did laugh at the teenager comment because it seemed have made some sort of effect, but you're really good. :P

from cloudy-night :

I don't think that rambling entries are pointless. Hell, you get to know more about the person. Have fun in Hawaii, you luck *expletive* :P

from fragilegirl8 :

I'm jealous you are going to Hawaii! :)

from raygirl999 :

Thanks for understanding! I am beyond frustrated because they are adults and need to grow up. Of course today they are fine but my friend B is posting passive aggressive shit on FB like "no heat. great." which is what started their whole fight in the first place! The damn thermostat. WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT???!!!

from cloudy-night :

It seems that you're growing up, eh silver?

from raygirl999 :

Yeah. I must admit I am kind of pissed. I feel like a bad friend. But I'm exhausted and don't like sitting in court houses and trudging through the snow. This sucks :-(

from cloudy-night :

I totally agree with you. I mean, we are suppose indulge ourselves once in a while. What a few bucks every once in a while?

from fragilegirl8 :

At times I feel/felt like you.

from raygirl999 :

I am obviously not the great wise one over here but I do think you will come through this one way or another. Often reading what you write reminds me of myself. I have gone through a lack of emotion the past few months and I think part of it was wondering why I should bother. Moving and living the life I've always wanted has started making me care again. And of course you are worth knowing and loving! Sometimes we only see the worst in ourselves sadly.

from raygirl999 :

Good luck with the master plan. Are you still thinking about moving to TX?

from raygirl999 :

Have fun in Seattle! I've only been there once but I loved it!

from fragilegirl8 :

Good luck on your date! Pancakes do sound good...

from avantbedroc :

You stay classy, San Diego. I'm Ron Burgundy? Dammit. Who typed a question mark on the Teleprompter? GL 2MRW xx

from cloudy-night :

Damn, now I want some pancakes. Maybe I'll make some buttermilk pancakes with veggie sausages and some nice, warm syrup to top em off. If you think that pancakes are unhealthy, you can always go organic - lacks taste, but are better for you.

from raygirl999 :

I leave in exactly one week!!!! I am freaking out but super excited!!

from fragilegirl8 :

Thanks so much! :)

from fragilegirl8 :

Awww thanks for the note. :) I just activated my iPhone yesterday so I am now just trying to figure it out.

from cloudy-night :

Wow, you really know how to draw them in. Sorry, bad comment. But you do realize that it isn't your fault, right? There are a lot of guys who want sexual relationships that doesn't require any kind of emotional attachments or who want an outside relationship with emotional attachments ( just not deep, intimate ones). I hope that you'll be fine, just be careful - nothing good can come of this scenario.

from raygirl999 :

Seriously, are you me?! I have had the same kind of "friendships" with guys. Friendship in my mind but they are sleazy/gross. I swear it's like I have a sign on my head that says "I love married men" Ummm no and gross.

from cloudy-night :

Once you find yourself, everything else will follow. So just do you.

from lostasyou :

Hi, I'm here now. Omfggwtf, if you don't remember ;]

from lostasyou :

Hi, I'm here now. Omfggwtf, if you don't remember ;]

from raygirl999 :

Sadly those charges sound like a fun weekend to me. I live both taco bell and the dollar store! Glad your bank caught it!

from fragilegirl8 :

I know right. If things don't work out with T then I give up on dating. I guess I'll end up being the crazy cat lady or something...lol

from fragilegirl8 :

I watched The Bachlorette last night also and was thinking the same things.

from cloudy-night :

Lol, you felt like Lil Kim or Lindsay Lohan?

from raygirl999 :

Good luck!

from fragilegirl8 :

I've thought in the past about getting pet tortoise. I think it would be cool actually having a pet that could out live me.

from raygirl999 :

I know exactly how you feel. As a single Black 30-year old female myself I constantly worry that my love of partying and having fun could affect my future job prospects. But moving back to NYC is alleviating that worry a bit cause he city is so big. I'm sure you are doing a great job!

from fragilegirl8 :

lol.....Thanks for the note girl! Wanna go to Nashville with me? lol At this point if RC invited me to Nashville I would go. Tres is def tripping...sucks cause I had feelings for him...but what can you do?

from raygirl999 :

Congrats! Dental school is hardcore. Very cool!

from raygirl999 :

Thanks for the note! I miss my wine too but luckily I've always liked whiskey so that helps. But I won't stop drinking wine forever! Check out these sites: http://lowcarbdiets.about.com/od/whattoeat/a/alcbev.htm http://getdrunknotfat.com/

from raygirl999 :

Awwww I ALWAYS freak out for no reason. I will think I messed up and start avoiding phone calls and texts until I have found a good excuse/apology (often having wine to calm myself down) and then...nothing. People rarely care as much as we think they do!

from fragilegirl8 :

lol. I don't watch those shows either. Funny thing is I didn't even know who he was until after meeting when I googled him the next day. I doubt I will ever see him again. We did exchange numbers and we have texted a little since then but not too much. But ya never know....maybe I'll see him again...if not, no worries. :)

from englishsucks :

thank you honey <3

from fragilegirl8 :

I think thats why guys like me too...I am an enigma. Everyone loves a good mystery :)

from raygirl999 :

Being a dentist is a vital but thankless job. Thank you for doing what you do. I still remember my primary dentist. He loved my big, straight teeth haha!

from fragilegirl8 :

awe. I feel like that sometimes too.

from cloudy-night :

Seems your job comes with a lot of stress. I thought being a dentist was nice and cushy and was had less drama. But it seems that I was wrong. I hope that everything goes well for you and I hope that your cold goes away. As for me, I'm fine - just doing what I do and whatnot, thanks for asking!

from cloudy-night :

Wow, a lot of drama at the gig. Why the revolving door?

from raygirl999 :

Thank you! Are you still thinking of moving to TX? I can still give you tips even after I leave!

from warpednormal :

haha. ah, these days. sex is the last thing on my mind :(

from fragilegirl8 :

lol....Yes it is! :)

from newschick :

gracias por la espanol! ;) besos

from fragilegirl8 :

Can I move in with you!? ...jk congrats. Have a good time in SF!

from raygirl999 :

I love SF! So jealous you are going this weekend. Be safe. I heard it might snow soon!

from raygirl999 :

Haha you have no idea how annoying she is. Who fights on FB and actually gets upset enough to ban someone from their life? She wants me to stop working and go on and fight with her and give her backup! Is this real life?

from minstrelite :

Hey. I keep meaning to say you can read me if you want. I came back a couple months ago and there are about 90 entries up. I left for a while because of certain reasons that my mind probably blew out of proportion at the time. But I came back because, well, this is DiaryLand, and this is what we do. I've been here for over eight years, and it would be a hard habit to shake even if my life depended on it. Anyway - I see your notes on our mutual friends' notes, and I hope you're doing well.

from raygirl999 :

Come down to Texas! It's so much fun (as much as I complain about it and am planning to leave lol) The weather is nice and the people are too and it's so cheap. The cost of living is low and there's no state income tax! Haha I should work for the Texas travel bureau or whatever.

from raygirl999 :

Thanks for the note. I am trying to think positive.

from avantbedroc :

don't worry about v-day. you have lots of lovers here on dland xx

from avantbedroc :

hey champ, THANX for the link to get off google searches (on Opps notes page)

from fragilegirl8 :

I have thought about oneday getting a tortoise, only because it would possibly out live me.

from fragilegirl8 :

from raygirl999 :

Hello. Just e-mail me at [email protected]. I don't want to leave it here because certain prying eyes will likely find it.

from raygirl999 :

As someone who has lived in Texas on and off for 11 of her 30 years I can give you some advice if you do plan to live here!

from opposure :

Thanks for the link! :) hugs

from opposure :

Thanks :) I can't seem to figure out how to preclude my profile or entries from showing up in search engines without making the whole thing private.

from athenyx :

*grins* I swear to god, i must have skipped all the lessons when we covered it back in school x

from simeons-twin :

Thank you! :D

from fragilegirl8 :

Long Islands are my strong drink of choice when going out.

from simeons-twin :

Happy birthday!!! I'm glad you're having a great one :)

from fragilegirl8 :

Happy Birthday fellow twenty-niner. :)

from athenyx :

Happy Birthday...belated i think :-) x

from raygirl999 :

Happy Birthday!!!! And yes I am so jealous of your NY and Co gift card! I need to tell my fam and friends to get me some of those for my next bday or Christmas!

from raygirl999 :

OMG I love NY and Co too!!! It is my fave store and the only one that carries pants long enough for me. I always spend at least twice what I planned to when I'm there. And I get the damn City cash and never go back in time to use it.

from simeons-twin :

Thank you! And happy birthday in advance to you!

from fragilegirl8 :

I've been feeling the same way lately.

from omfggwtf :

a toothache is the bloody worst pain ever i swear. i should go but i'm really scared of them haha, i'm just waiting on it to go away.. thanks x

from fragilegirl8 :

Good Luck!

from fragilegirl8 :

Thank you :) I hope you find that special someone as well.

from raygirl999 :

I almost forgot. i also use a site called Torrent Pond which searches a bunch of different bit torrent sites. then I use Vuze to download them and that's it!

from raygirl999 :

I downloaded a video called pilates for dummie from vuze/azureus. It is really easy and I like it. I took pilates classes like 6 years ago and this has similar moves but better because she explains them well. i'm sore!

from raygirl999 :

Aww so happy you stopped for the puppy! You have a kind heart :-)

from omfggwtf :

have a lovely new year! xxxx

from fragilegirl8 :

Thanks! :)

from opposure :

I wish you could be my dentist. I know, that's silly - scratch that. But seriously, reading about how you were praying for guidance in your work, and then how you seemed to be extending the prayer to include your life, I found myself really admiring you. That's what I meant by wanting you for my dentist - I wish I could meet people like you, and realize (remember) that there is something special underneath the presumptive persona, inside the labcoat, where a thoughtfulness and kindness and even loneliness lurks.

from newschick :

you totally have the right attitude for being a dentist. i've had so many experiences where i would tick 'NO i do NOT want any info on teeth whitening', and they'd spend 5 minutes telling me about it anyway, and show me how much 'whiter' my teeth could be. i'm like, i don't CARE, my teeth are, quite frankly, already gorgeous thanks to braces/self-care... anyway the dentist i go to now ROCKS and i love her! :) she never mentions any cosmetic procedures she could do on me, which makes me happy because, at least right now, i don't want any!!! :) patients DO appreciate it when you address what they want addressed, and leave it up to them if they want info on other stuff. :)

from raygirl999 :

Awww I hope you feel better soon once you are at your new job. The one you have right now sounds super stressful and not fun at all :-(

from raygirl999 :

Good luck with the new job! It sounds like it will be good :-)

from simeons-twin :

Thank you for the good wishes! ^___^

from fragilegirl8 :

I pulled out the CD yesterday. I haven't listened to them in awhile. I like the lyrics to that song.

from raygirl999 :

Thanks I know it's true but it infuriates me. Seriously. The complete lies they tell and it's official because it's in my record. I am so mad and I can't wait to leave and move back to NYC.

from omfggwtf :

done! x

from cloudy-night :

It is your life and you should live it as you see fit. ;)

from raygirl999 :

My LJ, which I've had for a while (http://raygirl999.livejournal.com/). I told ya'll I'd still be reading. I just needed a change of pace. Tonight I had beer and pudding. is that as good as beer and ice cream? It tasted yummy!

from omfggwtf :

haha! ah. thank you for that :) yeah i understand girls can be so bitchy sometimes.. i just really don't see the point.. i'm all for "treat others how you want to be treated" etc. i don't usually have a bad word to say about anyone.. unless they have something to say about me first ;) haha. goddddd. some people, eh? so horrible just putting someone down to make themselves feel good, pfft. ah well. fuck them. thank you :) x

from raygirl999 :

Sorry you are feeling down :-( I know the feeling of wanting someone to just listen to how your day is going. Ice cream and beer; two of my fave things. I think I might try that tonight lol.

from raygirl999 :

Thanks for the note doll. I'm feeling much healthier and stronger because of it all. i should be taking care of myself first so it's partially my own fault. I can't expect everyone to be the kind of friend I am. It is exhausting honestly haha.

from warpednormal :

haha! YES, totally there with you. and yeah, i have been to vegas before but only with family, so i haven't actually been able to fully experience the life of it. any places you would recommend?!! clubs, etc? :D

from fragilegirl8 :

Thanks for the advice. I just got my VS catalog in the mail today and remembered the post you had the other day. Nice choices...stuff like that doesn't look good on me. I don't have any boobs. I do like the purple set on page 19.

from omfggwtf :

thank you for addingggg :).

from raygirl999 :

Thanks for the birthday note! Sorry my thanks is a week late but I am a bit slow about things lol.

from newschick :

thanks, i feel a lot of peace with the niece...still sad, but getting there. clinton was pretty sweet. i'm not too political (except for gay rights / equality) but it was an honour nonetheless!

from warpednormal :

hahaha. now you just have to weed through all the "heys" and ""your"hot" messages and find the rare fishies that are worth replying to :)

from warpednormal :

haha pof always delivers some fun adventures :P

from englishsucks :

give me a holla when you need someone to talk to. just leave me a note -I'll get back to you right away. ♥

from fragilegirl8 :

Maybe you should give God a chance. Maybe thats whats missing in your life. If you are sincere He will let you know He is there and that He exists. He has for me. Sorry if I sound preachy...I am not that kind of person, but just thought I would share that with you.

from fragilegirl8 :

I saw them back in 2000 on the Fragility Tour. A Perfect Circle opened up for them. It was an awesome show. I def. had the hots for Trent for awhile.

from fragilegirl8 :

Thanks. That is my first lolcat. FYI...I was just checking out your profile. I used to be a huge NIN fan (thats where fragile girl comes from). I am not such a huge fan anymore, but I do think that NIN/Trent is one of the most talented bands ever. You ever seen them live?

from warpednormal :

Thank you silver, it truly does mean a lot. And since I've been following your journal for quite a bit, I also feel that I not only relate to what you're going through, but I also hope for the very best for you as well! you most definitely deserve it. :)

from newschick :

haha i just painted them today...it seems to help... or at least i seem to notice fingers in my mouth when there's paint on them... blah whatever!

from pettyquarrel :

Yay you passed!

from minstrelite :

Further congrats! :)

from minstrelite :

Just want to say: congratulations on your graduation. :)

from simeons-twin :

Congratulations! :)

from cloudy-night :

I know what you're saying about friends. Too bad, I'm not a good one myself. I don't say much about my friends, I'm just not a reliable person. Anyway, don't be too discouraged. A true friend is someone who would protect you with their life. A decent friend is someone who gives you a warning whenever danger is about to occur. And a friend is someone who would make a move at all. Um, what was I saying? LOL, I'm just typing random things, sorry. We all have a few fake friends in our lives, but don't let it get you down. At least you can seperate the two. Also, it's a dangerous game you're playing with the old dr, be careful.

from pettyquarrel :

Yay The Crow!

from simeons-twin :

Thank you! I'm a few hours away from getting on the bus ^__^

from minstrelite :

It was only one in the morning for me.

from cloudy-night :

I'm sorry to hear that R family won't approve of you because of the difference in your background. It's hard to be judge solely on something so insignificant as that. I'm also sorry to hear that you won't be able to see him anymore. I imagine that when you find the right person and they suddenly disappear from you life, it's an aweful feeling. I hope that R decides to be with you despite what his family thinks. Also, I know how feels to realize that you're truly alone. Hell, I realize that whenever I get up in the morning. But it's just a feeling, we are never alone. Someone is always thinking about us or wondering how we are. We just don't have any idea that they are doing so.

from cloudy-night :

So if you don't truly want C, then why not go after R? I don't know you well at all, but I know one thing, you deserve love! You deserve that crazy stir of emotion that comes from being in love. You deserve that feeling of endless desire that can only from being loved. Don't settle and don't succumb to a shallow relationship that just consist of physical relations, you deserve more than that. Love is a lot of things for many, some consider it their salvation from a world of loneliness. However you regard it, cherish it and believe in it.

from simeons-twin :

Thank you, dear :) :(

from simeons-twin :

Lo siento :'( Te entiendo.

from simeons-twin :

Thank you so much <3 I will hang in there. And good luck with the residency program!

from warpednormal :

sigh. its a wonderful line/poem. :) how is everything? when ya graduating?

from minstrelite :

Just letting you know I'm still reading, and always rooting for you.

from deathoffsure :

Things are well, and thank you. She's an absolutely beautiful woman. Far too pretty for me.

from deathoffsure :

from minstrelite :

Sorry to hear about the interproximal decay. I'm not sure what it is, but it would make sense that it's a high priority to be dealt with. I'm lax about dental things, but I did get my teeth checked out about a year ago, and no problems except for an absess. She said don't worry about it. I tend not to go to doctors and dentists and such, but I think you've chosen a good career.

from warpednormal :

THANK YOU!!!! i'll definitely post more when the time feels right. haha. oh, and happy belated birthday as well!!!!!

from simeons-twin :

Thank you for your nice wishes! ^__^ Haha, sorry, Capricorn...almost Aquarius. All the best to you too, even if things seem tough sometimes.

from simeons-twin :

My birthday is coming up, too *hi-five*. I hope you have a great one!

from warpednormal :

THANK YOU!

from minstrelite :

hahaha I just got your note, yeah it's all good. Thanks for posting the edited version, it's good enough. I know all about crushes emerging in a more pronounced fashion when one is drunk. I've experienced that on both ends, and there are some pretty famous stories floating around certain necks of the woods that still evoke a blush in I and others. I remember literally running away from a woman I was later to marry whose drunken overtures had become so embarrassing I felt I had no recourse but to flee her on foot. Not that you would ever become like that, of course, it's just interesting how alcohol will bring stuff out in you. After about a mile, she finally realized she was never going to catch up with me simply because I'm a runner and could easily have kept going for a bunch more miles. But she sure was on my tail. I turned back to her and told her it would all be mellow in the morning and to call me then. Apparently she went back to the bar and cried. Every time I visit that neighborhood and sit outside the bar and look down the road, I still see myself running for my life. When you become as old as I am, by the way, your head swells up with many such fond memories. Enjoy your youth while it lasts, kid. Oh and by the way, you're not "kinda young" - you ARE young. ;)

from minstrelite :

Thanks, T. I did notice you were "occupied." ;) - I just sent it to your email.

from simeons-twin :

Aw, thank you! :) I really enjoy reading you, too.

from minstrelite :

Oh ok. It probably wasn't that insightful then. But I'm glad to hear you say you're not 'anti-feeling' - I was relating indifference to apathy and I guess they're not the same.

from minstrelite :

Thanks for your note, as it was reassuring. You do seem to be a very chill person, which I guess is why I like you. But let me think about all this. Part of what's happening is that I have a real fascination with DiaryLand, and it's quite likely that if I met some of the people in real life whom I admire so much from their writings here, I might be let down. But you - I don't know. Something tells me you're different. It's like - nothing fazes you. And that is such a good quality. I'm just the opposite, and that's been my downfall. But I will say that it does seem from your writings that you are still sowing your oats, and don't most girls get past that stage before they're like say 25? I mean, no matter whether you think I am overly complimentary of you are not, it's obvious from what you are reporting here that you could have any guy you wanted - easily. I've also seen a picture of you, and you know you're a beautiful woman, that's not a mere perception on my part, it's a totally objective observation. So you probably have a higher standard than you give yourself credit for, and that's probably why the right guy hasn't come along yet. Just my random and probably off-base perception, but once again it comes from afar across the Bay and over the wires of the Internet. About the drinking, hopefully I won't delete my whole diary in the morning. Thanks again for taking the time to note me and for not being put off by my drunken neurosis.

from minstrelite :

Aaaarggghh - I was really drunk when I left those notes!! Think nothing of them! I'm sober now, but I'll be drunk again shortly. I can't believe I did that - it's that combination of alcohol and the Internet that I mentioned earlier on. You're not nearly as bad as I am.

from minstrelite :

Hm. I guess that contradicts my earlier statement that the message I send when drunk is no different from the one I send when I'm sober. Oh well, live and learn. You gotta admit I'm a hot fucking musician and that better make up for *something* ----

from minstrelite :

Breakfast is with me baby. You're killing me and you know it. I'm also fucking drunk, and at eleven in then morning, so there. If you think is bad, you should have seen the email I didn't dare send you! I sent it to my friend John instead, who will understand, yet admonish me. You're not stupid and neither am I. I keep thinking you're gonna get mad at me and yet you never do. You are so sexy. Take a look at it babe. I wasn't born yesterday for nothing,

from minstrelite :

Hey thanks and whew i'm relieved lol. When i saw u had left me a note i thought u were going to tell me i was a pig or something. Anyway, there's a guy sitting directly between us now so the heat's off for the time being. Thanks for rooting for me!

from minstrelite :

Same old song - Ray Charles? The sentiment is so universal they actually wrote a song with that title. I wish I could give you an answer, but I don't know how to stop loving her myself.

from minstrelite :

If you're *really* bored, you can always call *me* -- people call me when they want a beer all the time. I sent you my number in an email.

from minstrelite :

I pride myself on still having my full set of original teeth, unlike many of my ilk. ;)

from minstrelite :

I lived in Italy for three years, where it was normal for women not to shave their legs (or under their arms.) I went through my adolescence there, and since then it hasn't seemed to me that for a woman not to shave is any big deal. I think it's something about American culture, though I'm not sure about that. Anyway, when I am able to stay at home for long periods of time for whatever reason, I allow myself all kinds of liberties, don't get out of my bathrobe, don't shave, shower, and so forth. I'll always brush my teeth, however, and I'll always use deoderant, even when alone. But it stops about there. Random, I know.

from minstrelite :

I didn't go either. I met a new friend at a cafe, then wound up falling into bad company, as my earlier entry suggests. Sorry if I was a little too blown-away by the coincidence of the promiximity factor - I get like that, but it wears off. There are four or five others, whom I know of, who live here as well, or near-here. (fairygodmum, bindyree, amazinfuckup, and robot-army...) - I've only met Brin (bindyree) of the above, as I mentiond in my email. Hope you had a nice time out-of-town!!

from minstrelite :

Thanks for listening. I appreciate that. I enjoy reading your entries too.

from minstrelite :

I'd probably whine more if I didn't usually write my entries first thing in the morning, when I'm still optimistic, before the day drags on and all my various mistakes start to eat away at me.

from minstrelite :

Glad to hear I'm not the only one procrastinating. As I've always said, I usually accomplish some of my finest work while procrastinating. And relationships are so complicated. Having a beer can be a great way to end the tireless flow of head-shit, if you ask me.

from warpednormal :

hey! thanks. i'm pretty much losing my mind in anxiousness over the expected HELL that is this program. i just gotta keep the end in mind. or something. Are you in dentistry? That's way cooool. P.S I can't believe how intense your boy woes seem to be...just so you know, you deserve someone that is TOTALLY and COMPLETELY yours, someone who gives you all their attention, and fucks you like a god! because, jesus, you deserve it. it's easier said though...it's so much easier to just settle for what we can get. and trust me, i know. cheers!

from mystokryst :

I'm having a hard time concentrating on your longer entry this morning due to four shots of espresso and permanent brain damage. Actually, I think my work pressures are getting to me. If I don't get this one guy's job done by tomorrow I have to refund $350, although there's a $150 bonus if I do, and my current software is just incapable of doing a job of this difficulty effectively. Tomorrow I find out whether or not I have prostate cancer, and basically my mind is a total mess. I'm in the mode where I'm about to drink just to be able to focus. You know, self-medicating.

from mystokryst :

Thanks for your nice note. My daughter was a little more proud when I had the 87 days clean, before I went out, not once, but twice. Now she's more worried than anything else. But I'm sure if I show up Saturday 30 days clean, it will be a great night. And I'm doing all right so far. So thanks for the encouragement. Well, I haven't read your entry yet, but just got home pretty late at night, and am beat, so I'll be sure to read you in the morning. Have a good one!

from mystokryst :

'blockbuster?' is a really good title for that entry. I try to come up with interesting titles myself. I would like to see one or two of your poems. I have some of mine on a Xanga, but I've really only written ten or fifteen. I ought to write more of them. I think I was a little healthier than I did. I also like the idea of your postponing your cry till after you got through baking cookies for your friend.

from mystokryst :

I added you to my (small but growing) list of favorites. It's funny, I have a couple female friends who call me up for relationship advice all the time, which I find ironic, being as I'm about the last guy with any expertise in that department. Maybe it's just because it's always on their minds, and they're calling everybody they know.

from mystokryst :

People in my life know all about that monster. It's Jekyll & Hyde. Clark Kent tranformed to a drunken pseudo-Superboy. But I think your attitude is a little healthier than mine. I set a high standard for myself from which I am always falling short. It's better if you can forgive and accept yourself, so long as you're not doing anyone any serious harm (which it doesn't sound like you are.)

from mystokryst :

Great title - 'cheaper to wish on a star' - I bet it's a good poem.

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