DiaryLand members area

Thank you for the note! I’m JoannaLynnTaylor2 on Etsy, and on Instagram the same thing but no number. I haven’t added my new stuff to the Etsy yet, so all that’s there is a sad half assed attempt to add some things from about a month ago. Blogspot might be the easiest...apparently I can’t handle anything too web-labor-intensive.

from theshivers :

Hi, thank you for the note--I'm so sorry for your loss.

from hitch-hike :

Hello, and thank you for the add! I'm sorry to hear about your mother and send my condolences.

from papotheclown :

Welcome back. So terribly sorry for the loss of your mother.

from sunnyrain828 :

I'm happy for you. :)

from musikoid :

I'll change the password. Thanks for letting me know - I'd have never checked that email address.

from musikoid :

Oh hey - I just thought to check the email address. Definitely nothing in my Sent Folder, but a couple things came back to me in my Inbox, something about rock and roll and a document that had andy.pope in it - which is nothing about me. I would just delete it. My sister got it with a warning not to open it. Another person got back to me about it - it's phishy, just trash.

from musikoid :

I do have that address, but I haven't used it since 2010. What did the email say? You can forward it to me, if you want, but I'm pretty sure I didn't send it.

from tobehis :

I'm sorry you didn't get the job! Do you have something you can sort of "fall back on" for now?

from musikoid :

Oh! I get it - I hadn't seen that you had updated. It is truly beautiful out here. People move to the Bay Area for that reason, and yet we who are always here somewhat take it for granted. It does strike me weird that you didn't get that job. It doesn't seem quite fair that you would have had to fly all the way out here and back only to find out that they wouldn't hire somebody who isn't a piano player. That seems like something they should have told you already. I can empathize with the depression of feeling pretty much sure you had the job, and then wondering what the meaning of it all was.

from musikoid :

Being on your own? I'm not getting the connection...

from musikoid :

Oh! Not a problem, or anything. I've met three people from DiaryLand in real life over the years, and it was fun and interesting to see what each other was like off-line. Also, there are people from DiaryLand who live right near me, whom I've never met. It's all good.

from musikoid :

Too bad I didn't know you were in Oakland, maybe we could have had coffee or something. Sorry you didn't get that job. I wasn't sure if you meant that you missed the feeling of the church itself or of Oakland in general. Despite the high crime rate, most parts of Oakland are pleasant, and there are many churches, and many happy people.

from musikoid :

I know what you mean about the "better Christian" thing. I think my problem has been that I don't even do my best. Not nearly. That's because I look at my failings, and I think "I can't do it." Then I give up, and worse yet, I start looking at the "spiritual paths" of others, because I've always been a spiritually-minded sort of person, and I need spirituality in my life. What happened yesterday was this sudden remembrance that there *is* no other spirituality. So my only real choice is to do exactly as you suggest -- to just to my best, and leave the rest to Him. This does mean I need to trust in Him, however. Please pray for me. I've been trusting in all kinds of other powers, and you know where *they* come from.

from musikoid :

Hey Sara - I don't remember if I emailed you about my church in Oakland and the pastor. I was thinking about you because we just had dinner. He showed up by surprise, and I'd forgotten how great Jesus is, till He did. I wish I could somehow be a better Christian. I wrote about it --

from tobehis :

Stay firm in your decision not to live with him. We are called to be different from the world. Stay strong in Him, seek Him first, "and all these things will be added unto you."

from papotheclown :

College bible courses are a very different ball of wax and can be very unsettling to those that have never taken them before. Even inside a seminary, a scholarly approach to the bible is very different than a faith approach. However, if you do get to take some courses, I can't recommend that you do enough. It will challenge your core beliefs, but that's a good thing. I'm excited for your prospects

from papotheclown :

Remind me where you live now? Judging from the other notes you've recently received, it seems like you might be a worship pastor? Having had several years experience in ministry and working inside of a church, being a worship pastor is one of the better positions that you can have. It allows for a good deal of creative freedom, and circumvents a lot of the politics and drama that often happen in the ministry. If this is what you want, I hope it takes you far.

from papotheclown :

It's going well, thank you. I will now do a little update on my blog just because you asked. How are you?

from musikoid :

that's where i am

from musikoid :

That would be great if you can be a Worship Pastor and get paid for it. Where in Cali would that be?

from musikoid :

I don't like to hear myself whine either. It's kind of an ugly sound. Also, as the saying goes: "Jesus can change water into wine, but He can't do anything about your whining." Blessings...

from tobehis :

I only had a week on the new schedule, but I liked it. We're leaving the beach tomorrow (Saturday) morning...but it's been nice. Well, except for the fact that I've been sick! Had to find a doctor here Tuesday and get an antibiotic. I was stuck in the house Tuesday and Wednesday. I'm hoping to post a few pictures, but it may not be til I get back home. Thanks for the note!

from alethia :

I love gardening too, with a purpose. I feel weird planting plants you can't eat, but I hear if you plant marigolds amongst your plants, it helps keep the bugs out.

from musikoid :

i'll re-send it...

from musikoid :

I read your entry - uh, I'm pretty sure you do have my user/pass, don't you? If you were to lock your diary, I would still want to read it...

from musikoid :

I agree with sunnyrain, for the record. Also, your most recent entry kinda spoke to me, being as I am homeless again and living in a different city than I was three days ago. I'm happier though for the moment. I'm going to an Assembly of God on Sunday. Please pray for me, because it does feel strange to feel better sleeping on the streets than indoors. I looked up at the stars last night, and I don't think I'd even noticed them for a long time.

from sunnyrain828 :

I don't mean to be cynical, but just from what you've said about her in your journal, your friend who says she needs to find God probably does not mean "I need to acknowledge that I have sinned beyond rescuing and need Christ to be my Savior." More likely, she's just looking for an emotional feeling that makes her feel "connected" to God. :( It's very sad when people think that's all there is to it and treat the Gospel like it is some kind of drug that they need to get a "fix" with. :( So....That said...By all means pursue conversation with her, because I could be wrong. Figure out what it is she really wants, and if she's in err, gently tell her what the Gospel is really about. But if you find she's truly looking for salvation, this could be just the help she needs to understand.

from jondavid2010 :

email [email protected] for user/pass

from sunnyrain828 :

Enjoyed listening to your song! I think the recording needs to be mixed a little better so that the harmony isn't overpowering the melody, but it was all very pretty.

from tobehis :

I onow exactly how you feel: I feel pike I should write, but didn't know what to write about, or I just don't have the energy to write.

from musikoid :

Oh also -- I was thinking that about blogging, because I have a public blog that's supposed to be about my musical project. What I've noticed is that, if it's about my project or it makes somebody have to click on a link to a song or something, nobody ever "likes" the blog or comments on it. But if I write really randomly, it usually gets a few likes. I think people just want to read about things that they can more-or-less universally relate to. When we write about stuff that's very personal or unique to ourselves, that's when nobody's interested. My two cents.

from musikoid :

Hey, I really like the new layout!

from fan4 :

I hope you had a Merry Christmas last year, and that this year's a good year for you.

from tobehis :

I like the new layout. :-)

from musikoid :

I'd be inclined to disagree with your pastor on that one. Life is supposed to throw periods of sameness and mundane ennui on us from time to time, or maybe even for long times. These are like dry spells, periods where a Christian is in the desert or the wilderness. It's all for our growth and sanctification. I admit, however, I might have a personal bias, because my life has been so unstable and unpredictable for so long, that it's been a real goal of mine to get to the point where I could say "same old, same old," and say it meaningfully. (Not that I like the expression, though -- but maybe you get my point. I'd probably just say "blessed" and leave it at that.)

from papotheclown :

You are Assemblies of God, eh? My dad is an A/G pastor and I used to be a missionary with MAPS in the Assemblies of God. Interesting stuff. Good luck with your fast.

from tobehis :

What kind of church do you attend? I had never heard of the Daniel Fast until a coworker mentioned she was starting it. She attends a Baptist church. More power to you, I don't think I'd be able to do it!

from jondavid2010 :

Both born July 6, 2010!

from musikoid :

oooh sorry - I knew I forgot somebody on the list. Check ur email in a minute.

from musikoid :

http://musikoid.diaryland.com/church2.html is better. Found a church.

from musikoid :

I *think* the GRE should be easy for you to pass. As I understand it, it's not that much more difficult than an SAT test. I could be wrong - but I've known most people to be relieved after they actually take it. Hey I just wrote this really spontaneously after realizing something from God: http://musikoid.diaryland.com/revelation.html -- this may or may not resonate with you, but because you've known me for a long time, you know some of the background, I think. Trying to humble myself now, before God.

from newschick :

i saw dietitians for a long time when i was sick. the whole culture surrounding food fuels my disorder. health professionals dedicated to helping people like me included. for them to help, we have to focus on food. that does nothing but make me focus on disorder, for i cannot differentiate disorder from nutrition. le sigh.

from newschick :

was it difficult to get started (growing stuff)? we get good sunlight, and hopefully the compost will help move things along, but i'm still nervous/excited! spring can't come fast enough! and ps i stole your 20 things about me :)

from tobehis :

Don't apologize for exclamation points... It means you're happy and excited, which is always good. :-) Happy New Year! ~ 12/31 9:45 pm EST

from tobehis :

Thanks for the note, the encouragement, and the prayers. Since I got my iPhone and the YouVersion app, I began a reading plan... The Major Beliefs plan. You read five days and get two days off, so I started it so I'd be reading on weekdays and have Saturday and Sunday off. Sometimes I read before I leave home, sometimes in that 5-10 min of time in the car, sometimes on one of my breaks, sometimes after I get home from work in the evening. If I don't do the devotion during that 5-10 minutes, I'll either listen to music, usually with my eyes closed, or just sit in the quiet, resting (again, eyes closed). It depends on how tired I am, or if I happen to be teary-eyed.

from newschick :

*they're* ! (slightly hungover here) ;)

from newschick :

thanks! on your end, that's not to say that 2013 can't be something amazing. maybe a cool idea would be to set out goals for each month - now - and see how life changes them as the months go by. even if there as simple as trying 5 new foods in january...that's living. :) i used to be completely anti-goals, because i was afraid of change/losing control. now i love them. best wishes to you. :)xoxo

from musikoid :

I don't know if this will be helpful, but before I started showing up homeless in life, there was a never a time when I wanted or coveted what others had. I had always been so appreciative that God had given me enough of His gift of music to bring joy into my life, I never wanted to trade my lot for that of another human being. But after years and years of on-again, off-again homelessness, landing rentals only to lose them a few months later, and spending half my time on the streets; I found it increasingly hard to relate to people who had all of the normal things I'd always taken for granted. For three Christmas seasons in a row, I found that the normal sharing of my Facebook friends about what vacations they took or presents they got or parties they went to, was too much for me to bear. It appeared to me that they were boasting of decadent pleasures while blinding themselves to the personal pain of anyone who could not meaningfully partake of the same kinds of pleasures. None of it had anything to do with the real reason for the season, and last year I deleted 335 Facebook friends one by one, because Facebook was making it too easy to re-activate the account after de-activating it, and I had to take drastic action to prevent myself from going back there. For me, there is something about Facebook and Christmas that don't go well together. This year I had problems too, but since I'm down to only 14 or 15 friends -- and they're all *actual* friends, not just acquaintances -- even when I ranted and raged, they let it pass. It's hard to believe how insensitive people can be when they're so hung up on impressing you, but I think I learned something about me in the process. Anyway, I feel ya, but my guess is that God just hasn't revealed the right guy for you yet. There's definitely nothing especially wrong with you, Sara - and you are a much more devoted Christian than 95% of the churchgoers whom I personally know. I hope this isn't a downer, but it just looks from this distance that when you do find the right one, Christ will be at the center of the relationship, and you will not have any doubts, but you will know.

from cloudy-night :

Hey! I've read a lot of your entries a year ago. Glad to see you're still around!

from musikoid :

I'm a little bit like that too, in that I often have a lot of ideas but for some reason don't know how to get started with them -- or if I do know, I balk, but I don't know why.

from newschick :

i don't want to come off as cheesy, but stagnation can be seen as a good thing, too. i felt i did nothing with my life from 18-21 but, in reality, that period of void was highly beneficial to where i am today. you wouldn't be where you are now without some reason. you will figure it out. for now, just focus on today and where you want to be. xoxo

from musikoid :

I wonder what it is.

from musikoid :

That was nicely worded, with all the fives. You do have a boyfriend, don't you? Of course, I know, that doesn't really say anything.

from papotheclown :

Oh, gosh. Sorry. Yeah, it's funny that I had two posts within a few days of each other quoting my ex and my current respectively. It's also funny that anything my ex writes is "hyperbolic and overly dramatic" while anything my current writes is just "elegantly beautiful and charming."

from musikoid :

This is really weird -- in a good way, I think -- because that was *so long ago* and yet, I've never allowed myself to feel all right about becoming "giddy," ever since that one conversation. Thank you.

from musikoid :

Somebody criticized me for being giddy at one of the first churches I belonged to when I was first a Christian, and it remained with me.

from papotheclown :

Yeah, my ex tends to be a bit hyperbolic. I liked your post today. I never understood the Christian impulse to try to appear as if everything is fine all of the time. Let's hope that our generation is found to be more authentic in everything.

from glorycloud :

thanks for the notes-yes I took the pictures that are found in my diary-I take pictures all the time-thanks for reading my diary

from sunnyrain828 :

On your entry about saving your favorite entries of other diaries: They do have that feature on Diaryland. If you go to Edit Profile, the last option available is "Add an entry to your favorite entries." There you can put in the Username and entry # of the one you want to remember, plus write a snippet about it. Take care, Stephanie

from newschick :

'I'm at the point of exploding into a regeneration of myself. I just keep waiting.' LOVE that. :) i left church because i couldn't handle the fakeness. it was overwhelming, everywhere i went. i never found genuine people, even though i tried to keep an open mind. i'll never be one with a church that believes so differently than i do on so many levels...

from jondavid :

Thanks, SL. And I'm very honoured by the link. Thanks for that, too.

from musikoid :

I read the addendum to your entry. I think you have a good insight into why the "fake" Christians have been bugging you. Romans 2:1 comes to mind off the top. You probably felt bad for "judging" them; and Paul does say that, in whatever matter we judge another, we are guilty of that same thing in ourselves. In my case, as is well known, I have a hard time with "rich people." But this may be because I have been broke and homeless so often throughout my life, I probably secretly (unconsciously) desire riches myself. If I get honest with myself, however; I realize that the last time I was literally drenched in wealth, and everybody I knew was upwards of 100K in income, or else independently wealthy; I had a first-time manic episode and shortly thereafter lost everything. Having all that ease of living and extra money all of a sudden "went to my head." So it is not necessarily something I really want. Similarly, maybe you want to look into why you are living in America, when you could have found a decent man in Chile. Not saying you should go back to Chile -- but it may be a similar thing, somehow.

from musikoid :

I had to leave a Note again, because that was a particular great entry, about "fake" Christians. I think Christians behave that way partly because they want to maintain a positive attitude -- you know how Paul says "everything in Christ is yea, yea; nothing is nay, nay" (or something like that), and so it can come across really phony, especially if they're actually really upset about something, and they're trying to hide it. Too many churches make too big a deal out of being "edifying" and not saying things that are "not edifying" -- and that kind of thing. Another reason might be peer pressure. People say all these cliche Christian comments, just because everybody else is, and it's the thing to do. And I'm the same way as you at funerals. My Dad and Mom are in heaven; and before I know it, I'll be there with them, and this whole life on Earth will have just been dust-to-dust. We are only vapors. Thanks for the entry; it was great.

from musikoid :

Oh, I get it now.

from musikoid :

You're in India??

from musikoid :

Thanks, Sara! :)

from musikoid :

Thanks for your note. I think this will work. I have never felt so bad physically as I do today. Also, I just got a ticket, and now I have legal stuff to take care of. I have to really zero in on all these unpleasant responsibilities that are so easy to postpone and so relatively difficult to fulfill. Please pray for me.

from tobehis :

I could never see myself moving out til I got married...and right now marriage seems a rather dim prospect. :-/ It just makes so much more sense financially to live at home; my parents have said they'll never kick me out...I'm welcome here as long as I want to be here.

from newschick :

indeed. diaryland is quite special to me right now. it's a good time to be on here. kind, caring people populating this space. i enjoyed your last entry and i totally relate... i hope you find it. xoxo.

from musikoid :

You might like my new song. It's posted on my blog www.burdenproject.org - it's called "Elegy."

from musikoid :

I feel for you.

from papotheclown :

You make a great point. And not to get to philosophical here, but it's something that Kierkegaard talks about as well. Whether or not there is a divine plan working in our lives, we cannot know what it is. Thus we must take action and make decisions as if there is no plan.

from tobehis :

Cute hats!

from jondavid :

Faeria has begun writing again. oct0ber.diaryland.com

from papotheclown :

Alright, I am going to try to respond to everything you mentioned in your notes to me: 1. I used to be a slam poet. Now I am just a regular poet. 2. I mostly know that mental illness is not my fault. I was mostly just commenting on how there is a social stigma about it. People act like it's your fault. 3.I agree that love will find me when I am not looking, and I am actually really not looking now. Sometimes I just get a lonely or wistfully romantic and this is the place where I go to vent those feelings. 4. This is the longest note in the world. 5. Jack Kerouac did use to live in my apartment building. Perhaps I will write about that soon. 6. I have no plans to stop writing on here during my media fast. If anything, I'll probably write more. 7. I'm glad to hear you're okay after the boating accident. Those kinds of things tend to end in tragedy. 8. My chronic pain is (probably) due to Fibromyalgia. At least that's our best guess right now. We do know that it's chronic and will probably never go away. 9. I think that's it. If I missed any questions just let me know. 10. I really like surprises too.

from jondavid :

Thanks for reading. :)

from sunnyrain828 :

This entry really resonates with me today. I'm not trying to be a singer (although I do like to sing), but I completely understand how it feels to sense expectations on yourself and feel utter frustration when you aren't fulfilling them to your own satisfaction, and how it feels to just wish something would magically change and it would suddenly come easily. That is exactly how I feel today about cooking. I feel like I am the only married woman in the entire world with a total lack of interest in making meals. I was just about to journal about it myself, although some of the steam is gone now. <><><> I also think I understand your desire to write a "Christian" song, but also at the same time not wanting to. Christian radio does nothing but drive me batty these days and I've often wondered how I would write Christian songs differently, but then nothing comes of it if I try to. I'm a better journaler than a poet. Anyway, I hope you don't think I'm presuming too much, to say I understand, since I'm super new to your diary and don't actually know you that well yet. Bottom line, your entry just resonated with me today. Thanks for writing it. Take care.

from musikoid :

I don't have a CD or EP out either, but I don't think it's a question these days of how good you are -- pretty much anybody can create one, it's a matter of the logistics and technology of it all. In either of our cases, we probably have enough music worth one or more CD's, whether we can get them to sell after that is another story, but it's definitely not a matter of not being good enough, it's something else.

from papotheclown :

Hello! Thanks for reading! I'm sorry to hear that you know how it feels to have chronic pain, but it is nice to know that neither of us is alone with it. Not even here on diaryland. I'm Ryan. It's nice to meet you.

from musikoid :

I think that way a lot, sort of wondering about whatever got me where I am, but at the same time looking forward to turning more fully to Him. Or at least in my case, that's how I often think.

from sunnyrain828 :

Good luck with NaNoWriMo!

from tobehis :

Thanks, me, too!

from musikoid :

Right here: http://silverluna.diaryland.com/121025_6.html

from musikoid :

So those were *your* lyrics, I get it now lol. Yeah, they seem to apply to me, actually. I thought they were from some popular song or something.

from musikoid :

Oh, my bad. I see what happened -- the lyrics are on the same page as the One Word link. My pages haven't been loading right, and I only got part of the page one time, and part of the page the other time. So I thought they were two different pages.

from sunnyrain828 :

Oh wow. OneWord...Never heard of it! So glad to know about it now.

from musikoid :

Is that where you got those lyrics? (I was referring to the lyrics in the previous entry, before the OneWord link.) I haven't been able to open the OneWord site due to slow speeds here.

from musikoid :

Nice lyrics. They got me to thinking, in my case, well -- maybe they're true.

from tobehis :

Thought that may be the case, but wanted to make sure. I don't think I'd be able to come up with 30 new things about me!

from tobehis :

I only saw 8 things instead of 30...did I miss something? (LOVED reading more about you!)

from jondavid :

oops. I just called you sunnyrain. The two of you are my readers whose names I mix up the most.

from jondavid :

Hey sunnyrain. Starting today, in addition to updating jondavid2010 daily with new writing, I will also be updating this old journal of mine (notice no 2010) with writings that fill in the gaps between 2004 and 2010. These are the first years of my life with Faeria, who I met on Diaryland, before our twins were born. This will probably be a daily project for a few months, because I've found a lot of old writing. If you want a summary of that period, read the jondavid2010 entry for October 18, 2012. Thanks for reading - Jondavid Birss

from jondavid2010 :

Still waiting for that one random post a day. You can do it!

from jondavid2010 :

Yes! A post a day! That's the challenge that made me fall in love with writing, instead of just the idea of being someone who likes to write.

from tobehis :

Somehow, from reading your entry about wanting to write more again, I got this question: What kind of work do you do?

from jondavid :

Haha. You may not have seen the archives I meant. This is my old diary (notice-no 2010). It'll be on this one that ill soon begin updating my writing from 2004-2010. I'm reading a scattering of your entries from the beginning. Remember perceptions? Bobby Burgess? I wrote him an email last week, and asked him to come back.

from moodswing :

or wait, did I already say that? haha oh well. :D

from moodswing :

thank you! I should tell that story since I don't think I did when it happened. Also, you know what else is good for getting back into writing? 1667 words a day. Nanowrimo is next month, you have plenty of time! :) Also (alsoalso) happy late birthday!

from tobehis :

It didn't sound harsh at all.

from tobehis :

Thanks for the encouraging words.

from tobehis :

You may be right, but still... SOME interest would be nice, y'know? Sometimes I think, "What is WRONG with me, that no one shows the slightest interest at all?"

from jondavid2010 :

I just took a look at your archives. You've been writing a while, too. I thought your name was familiar. Is it possible we followed one another back in the day?

from jondavid2010 :

Thanks, silver. I've a long history with Diaryland, so feel free to read way far back if you like. If you go to "archive (last, middle, first), you'll find stuff dating back to 2001. In the next month or so, I'll actually be adding some writing from a silent period between 2004-2010. Enjoy!

from musikoid :

I am very much meaning to answer your email, but I only wanted to think about it for a while. I'll write to you soon -- sister. God bless you.

from musikoid :

Happy birthday. I'll send am email to your hotmail.

from tobehis :

My parents have been married 31 years, also (well, 31 1/2 years now). I'm still living at home and don't have much desire to move out. Hey, at least you've had "loves." I've hardly even been out on a date. :-/

from minstrelite :

Just saying hello. Things are going pretty well. Just saw what you wrote -- yeah, I had my Notes turned off for a while; now I recall. I'll send you an email with the passwords. I've just been bad about keeping up with people lately.

from tobehis :

A lot has changed in 11 years...but at the same time, a lot is the same.

from silverluna :

Andy I can't add a new note on your page. I knew it was you.

from musikoid :

It's unlocked now (this is Andy btw) but I just left one entry up. I may or may not write later. The thing is, I was only back on DiaryLand for a month before I managed to offend somebody whom I really care about. So - I don't know if this is a good place for me to be right now, at this time in my life.

from musikoid :

Sara you can have my password if you want, but I'm pretty much in the mode of deleting all my entries except for maybe the first one about getting the new bicycle, since I'd kind of like my life to start over from about that day (which of course is impossible, unfortunately.)

from tobehis :

:-) It does stink that so many diaries are inactive now, or locked. I've never really seen the purpose of having a locked diary...isn't the point of having an online diary for people to be able to read it? Anyway, mind if I add you to my buddy list? (And do you mind if I put your name by it, as I have with the others there? You'll have to forgive me, but I've forgotten your name...)

from tobehis :

Looking through the people who have me on their buddy list...and so far you're the only one that's updated this year. :-P Do you still read? (5/19/12)

from newschick :

*not* that i had a boyfriend when i was younger, but i know what you mean. i have a few friends who have been married for years now... we're all in mid-20s, one of them is pregnant with her SECOND child and she is 6 months older than me! it's all a bit nuts! the longer i put off marriage, the more confident i am that i am making a better decision for me. and next time you feel down, remember this: irish/europeans typically do not get married until they're AT LEAST 30-35. so you have loads of time, just pretend you're being cosmopolitan haha!

from moodswing :

happy birthday, other Sara. here's to a year of transformation.

from broken-in-nc :

Doesn't hurt to have a friend at JJ's. Turkey Tom!

from onlygrace :

loveee that jj heller song!

from thelongwait :

Also, I've created a new account in order to keep out dead-diary snoopers. It's humanlogic. I'm not locking it, but I'm just not going to let everyone know.

from thelongwait :

I have little over a month to finish them, but I think I'm doing okay. I guess everything can't get done, and some things really might take more time. The first one was checked twice, but the second will probably be something I should take slowly and preferably with a buddy. Three is in progress, I guess. My baking adventures will eventually get done; those I'm not concerned about procrastinating. I doubt fixing up my room is going to happen, but it's clean :). I'm pretty sure that I can play 50 hymns already, but several still need work. I haven't been able to spend any time hardly at all in music this summer. That's another thing that's going to need an extension. I nap too much. Still no idea about eight, and nine will probably never happen in my hometown. Ten will take longer than expected, which is okay, although I hadn't realized until recently that I'd already read about a third of it. Eleven has vague plans, and I've done PLENTY of reading this summer. Good literature and bad. I doubt you wanted this in-depth and analytical update on my list, but it was good for me to type it up! I apologize.

from mspsyched1 :

I am good...just living life. How have you been? And yeah, I have had that song on a cd in my car for like a month. Good song. =)

from fan4 :

Thanks for signing my guestbook.

from minstrelite :

I read the article, and it was great. All through the Bible, men and women questioned God's truth, and they did so with their intellects, which I believe first came into effect in the Garden, when the fruit of the tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil was eaten. Our human intellects have also designed wonderful things that we'd have never designed (nor needed to) had we remained in the state we were in prior to the Fall. Things like electrical power and airplanes, for example, and we were also to come up with amazing manifestos like the Constitution of the United States of America. And works of Art all over the place. However, we also now had doubts and fears and existential struggles of all sorts. So I think that to change hats like this guy is talking about is natural and not all that unhealthy. It would be hard for me to wear an overt "Christian" label if I were a college professor. However, I still think that the thrust of the New Testament is that being a Christian is largely a matter of identification, that is, of identifying with the New Testament life in Christ. Of "putting on" Christ, and "putting off" the works of the old man, even when it seems forced or contrived or difficult to maintain. I've many times let the words "I'm a Christian" emerge from my mouth when I knew that their impact would be negative toward the hearers, and that I would be rejected or ostracized, and I've barely believed them myself. But in the long run, it was better for the kingdom's sake, because when somebody around was hurting, and they needed to find Christ, they knew where to look. So I guess I would have to differ with the degree to which the author changes hats. Let your eye be single, and your whole body will be full of light.

from truth2seek :

Your player is in the way of your entry (at least on my screen) - so I can't read what you wrote. Anyway, pray for me. I'm going somewhere this morning where I do not want to go.

from thelongwait :

A response! I was tres excited about that. I'm afraid that a romantic relationship would cause me to screw up my priorities, too. I can't even get it right having been single for my entire life. I do realize that I'm young, but I just think that it'd be so disappointing and misleading if I completely ignored the possibility that I might remain single. I don't want to lie to myself. People usually tell me that I don't need to talk that way though, especially people like MOTHERS who want GRANDCHILDREN and such. Ugh.

from moodswing :

yes, do it-- write more!

from minstrelite :

Yeah - I know I said a lot of words, but I do this too. There probably is more of a give-and-take than either of us might think. Also, some people are more in need than others; others are more independent by nature, and that's part of what makes the world colorful. I feel like I am too needy, but I also will rush to try and help someone who seems to be in need. And then, when I do so, I wonder if I have really helped.

from minstrelite :

I meant to add that yes, I think that's a good idea you have. I can look for a song from Algeria, or them what songs are meaningful. I think there are actually four of them from that country, and the other two are Asian, whom I believe run the place. I told them I was playing piano at the restaurant tomorrow night, so maybe I can look for some music tomorrow. They close at ten, so they might still be able to catch it, and I don't think they all work till closing either.

from minstrelite :

Hey Sara - thanks so much for your encouraging note. I don't know how much you've read, but I've been at a new church for a little over a month now, and I'm actually involved this time, singing in the Choir, and going to the two Bible studies a week, trying to find out what my ministry is in this community. I also have an open spiritual journal at truth2seek (on DiaryLand). I did read your entry tonight and will probably leave a comment after I've thought about it a little more. I'm glad you are coming to some realizations, and it's great to hear from you again.

from fan4 :

You're welcome.

from fan4 :

Happy belated birthday.

from fan4 :

*hugs*

from moodswing :

lol. well i am unemployed and spend a lot of time online. :)

from moodswing :

i know i'm just some crazy internet person, but as a 26 year old sara from the same general towns..... do it. do it doit do it. don't think too much. pack up and go and seek adventure and really wild things.

from newschick :

pleassse don't quit uni. i don't have the same life, because sometimes i think the only thing i am good at doing is school, but i know how frustrating it is when you want to be doing something else in your life...you have your entire life to do music. a few more months will not ruin chances. you will be thankful later in life when u know u did something u didn't want to, and did it well. :)

from yellow-ninja :

Happy Birthday tomorrow! Have a great day!

from joy-in-god :

Hi Sara! I've decided to lock my online diary to keep my engagement details confidential! username: happy Password: joy Hope to get an update from you! Take care & keep in touch! @--J---

from moodswing :

maybe best is a variable, and best at one time is not as good as it will be down the timeline; the best keeps getting better

from moodswing :

i was sad about the death of michael jackson, for various reasons

from moodswing :

you should go to phillipe park in safety harbor, if you've never been there. not as much of a roadtrip for you probably, but still.. it's a good strong place, especially if you go to this particular tree..

from fan4 :

You're welcome. Sorry I haven't been diaries fast enough. Maybe I'll do some diary reading this weekend.

from moodswing :

minneapolis is a fine, fine city

from fan4 :

The archives are fine! I don't need to worry about them!

from fan4 :

A former friend introduced me to Diaryland. How did you find out about it?

from joy-in-god :

Thanks for your note! Have you ever seen the sunrise at a beach? It's beautiful if the weather conditions are right!! I just uploaded some more photos in my latest online diary entry. Do check them out! I look forward to hearing from you again! @--J---

from moodswing :

might not be you after all.. hard to say

from moodswing :

no, i didn't add you.. but if it was you i saw you commented on a mutual friends note about religious criticism-i was going to respond and never got around to it-anyway if those mountains are you, it is interesting to me that that place continues to be small to me even after i've moved away

from moodswing :

darling, little darling.. pretty sure i saw you on facebook

from fan4 :

And thanks for adding me to your favorites list.

from fan4 :

Thanks for the note.

from joy-in-god :

Hi Sara, thanks for sharing & happy belated Valentines Day. I think the future is so unpredictable, it's like stepping into a haze where the space closest to us is the clearest. But by trusting God, He will guide us through the unknown future. @--J---

from talktogod :

Merry Christmas! All of God's best to you!

from joy-in-god :

Congratulations! Did you expect such good results? You just reminded me to check my exam results, which I've just done! I passed everything & that'll do! Phew! It's been a tiring semester! So what's up for you now? I'm currently working as an Applied Behavioural Analysis therapist, & I've just got one more unit in my Speech Language Pathology degree to finish! I'm off to Victoria state during Christmas, which is down south of Australia! & I'll be watching a musical entitled "Wicked"! I can't wait! @--J---

from joy-in-god :

Thanks for adding me as a buddy, Sara! In your introduction you mentioned you're a musician. What musical instruments do you play? I play the piano but because I stopped taking lessons in 2001, my skills have deteriorated since, sigh! @--J--- 4 Dec 2008

from mspsyched1 :

Good, so you know how it works. I have to ask if the friendship prior to the relationship made a big impact on your dating relationship. Were things awkward at first. Or did they just fall in to place.

from moodswing :

are you gonna do it?! wooohooo! my username is, shockingly, moodswing.. i'll add you as a buddy and then it should show up for you

from momoironeko :

PTK stands for Phi Theta Kappa (our chapter is Alpha Xi Xi). It's just my way of getting out of saying Honor Society all the time. hehe Wow, only 17 days apart? That is really cool. :D And if I failed to say it before, happy belated birthday!

from momoironeko :

It was a really fun trip although my feet were sore for a few days after that. If you ever get the time, money, etc. to take a road trip, you should visit VA (Rockingham County). The mountains have some really beautiful trails and 90% of the locals are really friendly. You wouldn't need to worry about a place to stay either as J and I would love to be hosts. =^_^= P.S. Thanks for the birthday wishes!

from moodswing :

nanowrimo is a challenge on it's own, but attempting to finish while taking it seriously is definitely more of a challenge. last year i eventually had to get to a point where i no longer cared what i was writing, i was just pushing semi-coherent thoughts out at 70wpm just so i could win it (this was of course like, the last day or so where i still had like 9000 words to go).. it's definitely an interesting process..

from moodswing :

also, happy birthday! :D

from moodswing :

oh goodness. that is serious. i see now why doctor said no water. i don't know that i'd even go near a boat again. eek. today is a little.. discombobulated, yes. idk what happened. my head fell off it's stick a little, but in a good & entertaining way. i think it's just the transition back to sentences instead of short lines, making me a little crazy. and always the challenge of telling real things instead of vague things :)

from moodswing :

beaches are good. beaches at night are even better. beaches at night with fullmoons are tops. i bet you know this already, miss luna. i miss the beaches here in the frigid northwest. beaches are healing. i am surprised your doctor didn't tell you should instead go to the beach instead of avoiding water. i would be very upset if a dr told me that. why on earth would he say such a thing? if you don't mind sharing.

from thelongwait :

Happy birthday!

from momoironeko :

Here you go then, a big hug from me to you. *hugs* ^_^

from newschick :

hey...my new diary is unlocked...i am now cloverstar.diaryland.com enjoy!

from tobehis :

Thanks for asking about my tooth. Everything went GREAT...I haven't needed any of the narcotics they gave me. The pain was easily managed with over-the-counter meds. I had it taken out Friday morning, and by Friday night I was pretty much eating normally again. Hardly any swelling at all... it was amazing. I'm SOOOO thankful I only had one that needed to come out!

from onlygrace :

ive been struggling with that too. God vs. family. then again, ive been praying to hear what God has called for my life, and ive yet to truly hear what He has to say =/ p.s.- mmm John Mayer, is rightt! =D

from thelongwait :

Usually my friend and I go on Monday, Tuesday and/or Thursday, and then Friday. Wednesday is church. Saturdays only when we feel like it. And then of course, Sunday, it's closed. I don't really know any terms for the equipment that we use but we do an 8 min warmup on the treadmill, and then about 15 min on a bike or something. After that, we usually get on that stair thing and lately it's been about 5-8 min on a steeper/faster level than it would be if we were going for 10-15 min. And then we do some weights that mainly focus on the chestarmback muscles. You didn't ask for all of that, but I figure you might be able to critique it or make some suggestions. I really appreciate it!

from onlygrace :

thank you for your note/prayer :) i hope things work out for you and that you receive some sense of clarity with all this in-betweenness feelings of doubt and truth. wow, Hillsong College...that's really great. if he DOES work with God's timing, it will def work out the way its supp to. everything will :) take care!

from momoironeko :

Very cool about the gaia accounts. I look forward to a new friend. =^_^= As for feeling lonely and needing attention, I understand how you feel. We all need someone who listens and a shoulder to lean on, especially when life gets really tough. If I can ever be of help, don't hesitate to let me know. Beautifully written by the way.

from phrygian :

I've recently graduated with a double-major in Music Theory and Composition and Philosophy. Moved to a brand new state that I don't know anyone in just to get away and start a new life. Applying to graduate schools here and getting my new house all spiffy. Been too busy to write in a while, but your note made me interested in starting up again... I'll definitely keep in touch if/when I continue with this project here.

from eowynne :

I remember you, too. I hope to hear from you some more. I do miss writing here terribly.

from glorycloud :

thanks for the comments-I will keep writing even if there is nothing to write-writing is for me like eating-in some ways it is insane my habit of always writing when there is nothing to write-but writing everything down helps me cope with my existence as a Christian-peace

from newschick :

thanks for that...i have NO idea how that happened..haha silly diaryland.

from onlygrace :

thanks you muchh :) being a bridesmaid is exciting...sigh, weddings in general are so exciting..how are you?

from pippinsgirl :

Thanks for all the notes. And thanks for adding my music page--Myspace has been acting up with my dinosaur computer and I haven't been able to leave you a comment. I definitely don't want to have regrets with Michael...even though I already have a few, they're not as bad as they could be. It's sad that you two are so far away from each other. But good that you're still talking. Do you feel like you could be together again in the future? I don't think I could ever stop being friends with Michael, even if I wanted to, but I don't know... I guess what I feel like people are skeptical of is the fact that we are so close to one another without being married or living together or anything. And like they're always going to be skeptical until we actually get married. But you're right, both taking things slowly and having faith in each other are important, and it's our own relationship, after all.

from newschick :

ive sent you a load of emails you should get them...try 'love' as user and 'today' as password. thanks.

from moodswing :

hi sara who is 25. i am also sara who is 25 and i used to live in clearwater.

from fan4 :

My parents and I went on a long roadtrip this year. We left on Jan. 2nd and didn't come home 'til March 19th. I had lots of fun. There was also a lot of stress as well.

from fan4 :

I'm also doing okay. Earlier today, I started work on a letter.

from thelongwait :

It's a little disappointing though in my case. I've had the opportunity ever since I moved here to be more involved in my youth group. I'm finally getting around to it my senior year, and so many of these people are leaving/graduating. I just know we could have been great friends. And the ones my age and younger, along with my youth director, I only have one more year with. ALSO, our pastor preached his last Sunday this past week, and I'd gotten to know him a lot better over our mission trip right before. I'm a little bitter towards myself.

from fan4 :

How are you?

from fan4 :

from pippinsgirl :

Yeah...and I guess the reason they don't say anything is because they don't know what to say, which I can't exactly blame them for...but I tend to imagine that it's really because they stopped caring days ago. Which might be ridiculous. But I don't know. It's confusing. (thanks for leaving a note)

from exclamatory :

username: lock //////// password: key

from onlygrace :

i know! we've been reading each other for a long timeee, and long how everythings changed.. =) i hope ur doing ok. p.s, im a hopeless romantic too and im really disgusted at myself for it, as well :)

from onlygrace :

its hard to sayy...i always get into these weird funks. =/ hows everything with you?

from the-moo :

CRIKEY you've had a diary here since 2002!!! That takes some dedication :o) Go you!! I'm going to have a little poke through them all xxx

from onlygrace :

Friendships like that are hard to find, so cherish it. How are you? :) Hope all is wellll

from onlygrace :

How is everything? Ah, the lessons we can learn from Job. "He gives and takes away.." Now if only I could just understand that completely and be at peace with that idea.. =) Hope you're welll

from minstrelite :

I just now read your entry, and I now realize that you were thinking about Shawn when you left me that comment earlier. I thought you and he were just taking space from each other for a while -- it hadn't sounded to me before as though you had definitely broken up. Anyway, I'm sure that God has what is best in store for you, and from a distance it seems to me that you are probably going to get back together. I'll keep you in my prayers.

from minstrelite :

Actually, your comment posted later. I commented on it in the comments page.

from minstrelite :

Are you and Jeff talking about a computer game? I'm just curious. I've never played one.

from talktogod :

I love Leigh Nash. I miss Sixpence, though.

from outdated :

You are right!!! I will try not to let myself hold it against him!!! :) Best, Olivia

from onlygrace :

united is SO amazing live...but two weeks in a ROW? thats AMAZING! im jealous =) but have funnn

from pippinsgirl :

thank you for the notes. <3

from minstrelite :

I saw your comment (on the 10/22 entry) and want to thank you for that. I knew what you meant, and I know you meant it positively. I am also glad you changed it in the first place, as I am decidedly less "theatrical" now, and more contemplative. Also, I agree with your comment completely. I think the person who posted the previous comment either didn't read the full entry, or missed the point. Or well, he could be of a different opinion...but I believe that "for everything there is a season" -- I'm doing my best to describe what I discern this season to hold for me, for however long it might last, until another season dawns.

from minstrelite :

Hey Sara! I got your note -- Let me know your email address, so I can send you the username/password.

from tobehis :

Thanks so much for the note. It is so awesome to be able to talk to people around the country -- and the world -- who are Christians and who are willing to pray for you and who want to see you do what is right. You know? I'll do my best to keep you all updated via my diary. Thanks again!

from onlygrace :

smiths wigglesworth, i think.i have a huge textbook size book of his ministries/work...im thinking about reading it though cause its been recommended a lot to me. :) thanks!

from tobehis :

huh. i didn't even think of going outside. i was at work...that's why i was so bored. LOL.

from tobehis :

I don't mind at all if you read! Come back often, and leave me lots of notes. :) I'll do my best to reply to each one. What's your name? I'm Amy, if you hadn't figured that out already. I'm at college right now, and my class is about to start, so I don't really have time to read your diary right now; hopefully I'll get a chance to soon. God bless!

from onlygrace :

my note below says it best: believe. it'll work out. God's gonna amaze you. =) pray.

from onlygrace :

believe. it'll work out. =)

from onlygrace :

aw, wow. congratulations! the ring looks beautiful, and you guys look adorable. ;)

from onlygrace :

wow, thats really crazy. i live in new york city, the bronx to be exact, and nothing like that has ever happened to me. i know its only material things, but im still sorry to hear about your "loss". =/

from onlygrace :

i do! =)

from onlygrace :

thats such a cute picture. :)

from vibinghigh :

Hi - thank you for your comment. I tried to post in your guestbook, but I must be having some trouble with my internet connection today and it didn't work. I'll be happy to add you to my writing buddies list on the NaNoWriMo site. Do you use the same username as you use here? You can email me at my username at diaryland dot com if you like.

from onlygrace :

im going to texas next weekend. :)

from onlygrace :

His will is perfect. trust. =)

from onlygrace :

march 16th? the day after my mom's birthday. :) i feel like ive been through it all with you, regarding your relationship with shawn and with your parents and all. sheesh, time flies. :)

from onlygrace :

that must have been the coolest job! ;)

from the-regret :

you know, that means a lot to me. sometimes i have faith in my life and sometimes i don't. but your notes of encouragement Do help, i want you to know that. i will be fine some day, i know it. you needn't worry. i do enough for the both of us i'm sure.

from inthesilence :

Bethel is in St. Paul, Minnesota (about 2 hours away from where I live.)

from sohard2find :

strawberry wine is an old country song... its by deana carter. i dont listen to country (a little folk, j.cash and such), which is the funny thing, but its still such an amazing song.

from betholindo :

I'm an au pair in Amsterdam, but also worked as a kindergarten teacher in Uruguay. I travel as much as I can, so long as it's close by whatever current home base and so long as it's relatively cheap.

from takemylife07 :

Thank you for the encouragement,...100 man challenge is where ppl get together from diferent churchs and go out to the community and do free car washes, drink give-aways at red lights, and go door to door. During all these events we get a little time to ask them about their relationship with God and how things are going in their daily lives. And if need be, we'll sit there and pray with them on the spot. We usually pass out things from each church. It's very fun, and you're sharing the gospel at the same time, which is fun.

from apoeticsong :

hey, thanks for the poem you left me, i enjoyed it. I like the poems in your journal too.

from phrygian :

Hey, I was just running through D-land and came across your journal. I've been a guitarist for a long time, and it was cool to see the pictures of everyone getting together and jamming. I bet it was a good time. Anyway, it's just good to see more musicians out there. Take care.

from realmiracles :

Hey, I know I haven't been on in a while, but I was going back through a couple of your entries. As a student of Southeastern, let me say that I love it (though, I am beginning to accept that it is not the place for everyone :)). I will keep you in my prayers. Decisions are not easy, especially when you know so much is riding on them and when your mind is ever elsewhere. Keep your focus on Him, and he will guide your steps. Love ~ Lisa

from loveisache4 :

sorry to hear that you have been struggling with laziness lately, i know how that goes! i am too, and i haven't been giving much time at all to God! it's really crappy too, i hate being with the Lovely one. I'll pray for you! <3dana

from heyjude85 :

Hey! Thanks so much for the advice, I think it's really encouraging actually. I know I have to ignore her, but I just needed to know that it's the right thing to do. Anyhow, thanks :-D.

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