messages to snarkypants:
(click here to add new message):

from iambucket :
so snarky.....I'm back....and that means you have to come back!! Pa-weeeeez??? At the very least, email and let me know how to find where ya are now. I've missed you, and we have more in common then ya think my dear! Bucket
from arsinoedb :
Sorry I'm a little slow with a reply. I'm not much of techie, and I wasn't sure of your email address, I went to your homepage and though I could get a message to you this way! Thank you so much for your thoughtful words about "Arcadia." I'm glad you enjoyed it. I put a great deal of research and work into it. You know, I hadn't read any Diana Gabaldon, but now I'm going to. Someone else had recommended her. I've been writing so furiously for the past year I'm really behind on my reading. Yes, I'd really like to write something original. I'm considering either a real-world rewrite of Arcadia (Tavington demoted to captain, renamed, still in the British Legion, but with the real commander, Ban Tarleton); or a 18th century fantasy "Red Wizards," in which a group of the 16th light dragoons ("The Queen's Own") are shipwrecked and find themselves in Lyonesse, where the supernatural beings of Britain had fled. It would be a fun way to use a lot of folkloric elements. And it's based on a real event that happened to the 17th light dragoons on their way from the West Indies to Ireland in 1797. Anyway, maybe I'll flip a coin. Thanks again for taking the time to review! Susan
from loner-blues :
I just wanted to let you know (in case you pick up writt this is my new diary name. I'm dying to get a look at your sight but my old compute won't let me. ARGH! Luckily, I bought a new one today and just need to hook up to my new ISP. -cat, aka "cats-corner"
from hissandtell :
It's not you, it's me? You'd better get your pants back over here a little more often, snarky darling. Thinking you can assuage (heh - that's an anagram of "sausage") our passionate desire for you by throwing us a few breadcrumbs of photographs (okay, fine, they were excellent; your daughter is a doll and you set a swell table) just isn't on, missy. Love, R xxx
from skibigsky :
Yeah. I know how that fanfic thing can be. If I didn't have this whole wedding thing to deal with, I think I'd get back into it. As it is, I'm too busy with crap like caterers, what music to put on the iPod, and how short is too short when it comes to vows. Do you have a link to your fic (and the stuff you like reading)? I'd wouldn't mind a little fix...
from her-story :
YEY, she's back! Love the background. (By the way, as a Northerner... I had to be the bearer of bad news, but THAT'S not a snow storm. hehe... When we finally get a good one, I'll post some pics... *grins*) Welcome back!!
from poolagirl :
Oh, yeah! You updated! I was experiencing such longing - and you even included pictures! Hoo-Rah!
from hissandtell :
Schnarky? Oh, schnarkykins? I miss you. And your pants. Love, R xxx
from skibigsky :
Mmmm. I love me some Jamie Fraser. Actually, I'm re-reading the series for about the zillionth time. (Seriously. I bought the books in hard cover because my paperbacks were begging for mercy!) Mmm. Men in kilts....
from dangerspouse :
You are right, of course. Garlic does indeed go with everything - I've had caramelized garlic on ice cream, and even garlic wine. I've never seen a problem pairing it with turkey. Best tip: try it yourself and see if you barf!
from hissandtell :
So ... here I am, still waiting for the Lifestyle Channel to screen your show. Let's see; you could install the tension rod first, and then fashion a very attractive valance curtain out of, I don't know, Ballerina's old tutus or something, and then show us how to change a porch light, and then whip up an effortlessly fabulous meal that we can all watch you enjoying on the porch with Elvis Costello, and then install a mailbox and dress it up as Ashlee Simpson for Halloween! (Oooh, here's a thought: how many Ashlee Simpsons does it take to change a light bulb?) Love, R xxx
from hissandtell :
In Oz when someone falls down a lot, we call them "Para", as in paralytic, legless, can't stay upright. But, of course, they're usually drunk. My husband just calls me "Unco" (as in uncoordinated) when I fall over - which I do quite a lot, usually because I'm gazing around blankly instead of watching where I'm going. It sounds to me as if you're just Recline-Inclined, or Prone-Prone. (Hey, I just made those up! What do you reckon?) Love, R xxx
from im2qt2kr :
So sweet of you to care. Yes...I'm still alive and kicking. Just had a case of the Go-Blutz. Not sure why, just a bit overwhelmed I guess. I'm working on an entry so I should be back posting soon.
from niceguymike :
I didn't know all *those* acronyms, but I was privileged to serve at the USAADCFB at one point. I think it's wonderfully special that everyone wants their own camo, though.
from niceguymike :
Um ... I actually understood every acronym in the email you got. Of course, I'm also former Army, and BDUs were my UOD almost every day.
from poolagirl :
WOW! How do you really feel about Madonna? Go on, you can tell us! I actually loved your entry. I actually love everything you post. I actually think you should be published.
from dangerspouse :
Oct 2, '04: *tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap tap*
from randommuse :
Well damn, now I'm going to spend the rest of the day googling the names listed to see if they are dead, Canadian, or Mormom. Oh well, I guess it's better than doing actual work.
from hissandtell :
Dead, Canadian or Mormon? Is that a bit like Fuck or Die? And why the hell isn't Celine Dion on the list? Or my old boyfriend Dan Ackroyd?
from hissandtell :
Welllll ... my old boyfriend Bob Geldof is Irish, which means he's more than a bit iffy about the monarchy to begin with, AND he was extremely anti-Thatcher to boot, just like my other old boyfriend Elvis and the rest of us good post-punk radical socialists from the 80s, but HE still accepted a knighthood. And remember those other well-known socialists Sir Paul McCartney and Sir Cliff Richard and Sir Elton John and my other old boyfriend Sir Mick Jagger all sold out in the end just to have a sharp pointy sword laid on their shoulders, didn't they? However, my other old boyfriends David Bowie and John Cleese and Kenneth Branagh all told Regina to piss off when she offered her honour. (Personally, I reckon Elvis's only dilemma is whether to call himself Sir Elvis or Sir Declan, though, and until he resolves this complex issue he's a bit stymied.) I'm reasonably certain that my other old boyfriend Alan would grab it with both hands and various other bits too, though, because he is a legitimate pompous Shakespearean actor, after all, and then he'd feel as if he were on par with my other old boyfriends Sir Anthony Hopkins and Sir Roger Moore, to whom, let's face it, he's always felt a little inferior. Hope that clears up any monarchical questions you may have, Your Pissiness. No, really, any time.
from skibigsky :
It wouldn't be fair for me to play the 'Dead, Canadian, or Mormon' game... Although, isn't Gordon Lightfoot dead? (Or does he just always sound that way?)
from xnavygrrl :
Donny Osmond and Ezra are the only ones I know of that are Mormon. I think I missed one.
from skibigsky :
Yeah, umm. Supposedly I'm not white trash, either, but I actually do drink wine from a box. (We affectionately refer to it as 'swill' though, so I guess that makes it okay...)
from hissandtell :
A mullet perm? Oh, I'm so very sorry. Love, R xxx
from dlandsucks :
I agree about those damn bears. I dont like how they shake their asses. When I wipe my ass, I dont shake it after ward. My conclusion is that they are shaking of fragments charmin didnt lift. GOT YA SUCKAS! loveforever, DAN THE MAN.
from niceguymike :
Fur may mean less friction to you, but remember it's a lot easier to clean something smooth than something with texture. Nuff said.
from randommuse :
Oh Red Mary, my pirate lass. Offending your Mormon grandmother means walking the plank.
from skibigsky :
Ooh! Not only do I have to prepare for International Talk Like a Pirate Day, but your story about exposing your deaf Mormon grandmother to obscenities kills me! (Maybe it's just because I live in the home of Mormons, but still....Too funny!)
from randommuse :
Argggh...shiver me timbers, I LOVE Talk Like A Pirate Day!!!
from hissandtell :
You hit the nail on the head, as usual, snarklette. Damn that Janeane. She used to always be so smart and sexy and vocal about artificial beauty, and dieting, and women who succumbed to Hollywood pressure and turned themselves into things they weren't supposed to be. And now she's a bloody scrawny tragedy. And I don't know who to embrace as a role model anymore: except you, of course. Love, R xxx
from randommuse :
The Fug Blog might was well be my homepage as much as I'm on it. And I, too, was horrified by the Garafalo picture. I couldn't believe it was her.
from cats-corner :
I'm so glad you enjoyed (and identified with) "warning signs!" And thank you so much for adding me to your favorites list. I appreciate it. :-) -cat
from skibigsky :
I'd see if you can copyright that slogan, like right now. In fact, I'd do it yesterday, if I were you. Because you're going to see it somewhere, and not be reaping the bazillions of dollars that you deserve for it. I'm serious. (And have you considered going in to advertising? I think you've got a knack for it!)
from randommuse :
Okay, that commercial will be going through my head all day at work today. My coworkers already think I'm crazy...now it will be confirmed when they see me laughing to myself.
from serenaville :
"Announcer: If you don't give a crap what laxative you use, you won't take one, either." That, was brilliant. It should be the slogan, hands down. I'd love to quote you on that! ;)
from hissandtell :
Hey, snarklette, great advertising campaign! You know, I'm reminded of Bill Bryson's wonderful column from "Notes From A Big Country" where he muses on the US as a land of bounteous variety and wealth of choice - and one of the things he's most astonished by is that their are at least 18 kinds of incontinence nappy ranging from "Oops, bit of a dribble" through to "Whoa! Dambusters!". Yep, just remember it's wall-to-wall cutthroat dog-eat-dog competition out there - but I'm confident you're just the woman to take on the big boys and, um flood the market with Your Pissiness's brilliance. Love, R xxx
from chaosdaily :
yea i did that with my sons friends, and neither has been over or called since sunday. i maybe should have tried that before...... hmmmmm
from randommuse :
Chickenshit does make life a lot easier. And I don't care how much Child Services says the complaint is anonymous, people always seem to find out.
from skibigsky :
Gotta agree with you with the whole gymnastics thing. These twelve-year old girls with make up and glittler make me nervous. I mean, this has got to be the number ranked programming for pedophiles.... (Ugh!)
from hissandtell :
Rik. Mmmmmm. You know, I never found anything about him remotely attractive until I saw "Drop Dead Fred", and now I can't even look at him without having all manner of wicked, unpure and immorally lustful thoughts. And yes, it too pisses me off beyond belief that making oneself fat and ugly for a film role suggests an astonishingly dedicated level of seriousness as an actor and commitment to the craft, and is thus worthy of reward. Or, award. Oh, please. Give me $20 million and a personal trainer or five and a plsatic surgeon and I'll get as fat or thin or unattractive as you like, no questions asked...yeah, right. (I am being facetious, darling.) And heh heh - you said self-erected. Heh. On a more serious note, I'm inclined to agree with Miss Poola about contacting Family Services. I'm not at all familiar with your legislation, of course, but in my capacity as Principal I was obligated to call them in if there were the slightest suggestion of child neglect. Love, R xxx
from poolagirl :
I advise you to call child protective services on your neighbor. It is illegal in all 50 states for minor children to be left unattended. When I worked with kids at a theatre here in San Diego, we had to call the police if the parents were even 15 minutes late. It was considered abandonment.
from serenaville :
Your memo was hilarious! Mineral rights, drilling, striking oil... you crack me the hell up. :)
from dangerspouse :
HAH! I know ALL the lightbulb jokes, Young Glasshoppa! "How many women with PMS does it take to change a light bulb?" "Uh, I dunno. How many?" "7." "......... .... .......seven? Why 7?" (screams) "BECAUSE IT'S JUST FUCKING SEVEN, ALRIGHT?? SEVEN!! HOW COME YOU NEVER TRUST ME!! GODDAM BASTARD, BWAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!" ....not that I've ever experienced that one first hand, mind you. Nope. Not with 4 sisters, a Sicilian mom and a redhead Irish wife. I've been faaaar removed from cyclical hysterics my whole life. But I like the joke. Purely as a hypothetical, of course.
from randommuse :
Don't ya hate the adult acne. Weren't we supposed to leave this stuff behind when we were 18 or so?!?! My face looks like a relief map right now.
from mom-on-roof :
Thanks so much, you're a peach!
from hissandtell :
Ah, so I finally realise why I'm such a girly-wuss at cutting steel with a blowtorch - I've been holding my mouth wrongly all these years. And we would have been SO great together in our single days, darling - you could have had all the heavy-metal boys and I could have had the gay-leaning cowboys with their hats and boots (and stockwhips, I'm thinkin'). Sounds like a perfect division of labour (or something) to me. Love, R xxx
from the-book-bag :
Thank you for adding me to your favorites list! -cat
from the-book-bag :
How funny that you mentioned Mme. Dariaux's book because I just saw it in the bookstore the other day! I will probably get it in August or September as a compliment to Tessaro's ELEGANCE. Real estate it a hot commodity in Santa Maria now. The cost of houses just keeps going up, up, up. (Lots of people are moving south from Frisco and north from L.A. and Santa Barbara). They've been planning to build a Borders for about two years now, but the city keeps holding up the construction because they're dickering over water rights. So it will be at least another year before we have a decent place to shop for books. I'd much prefer a nice, independent store (like Chaucer's in Santa Barbara), but I don't know if a place like that could succeed here. :-\ Thank you for leaving me a note. I love your diary name! -cat
from iambucket :
eww. Thanks for sharing about them darn crickets who met their demise against your big toe!! Now ya got me freakishly checking all my shoes prior to entry....eeek.
from skibigsky :
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't rub it in about the weather! ;-) Actually, being in Park City, it is still cool in the mornings, and that makes me a happy person! Thanks for the fanfic links, BTW - I haven't had a chance to write in forever, but I like reading other people's stuff!
from xnavygrrl :
You crack me up "Rip the fabric of space and time"...people 3 cubes over could hear me laughing..
from chaosdaily :
hey, maybe you should try a different doctor...
from skibigsky :
I like the bit about not going to be angry! (And being a good ex-Catholic, I liked the idea that while it was a mortal sin to get divorced, you could be forgiven for murder - so it is better, in the eyes of the church to murder your spouse than get a divorce...)
from dangerspouse :
I can't believe it - MY cat sucks on silk too!! My wife tells me I should stop storing my good hose in old tuna cans, but they're the best containers for preventing runs. Anyway, the point is that the stupid cat scarfs down scarfs if left unattended. So I feel your pain. On the other hand, I share your joy at the new moniker! Very snazzy, ex-Karen :)
from poolagirl :
Aren't you the sweetest? *blushing and looking down* Thanks so much for supporting my writing. It means the world to me - especially from such a fine writer as yourself. It's people like you who make this whole thing real for me.
from hissandtell :
I'm sorry; I have no idea why that last note went through twice. But I wanted to tell you that I am still wheezing with laughter every time I imagine you drunk and channelling Sissy/Loretta. (Unfortunately, it also sounds like something I'd say. Call me shallow and self-centred...)
from hissandtell :
I'm quite certain that Karima with her fringes and beads and shaking ta-tas is a fearsome sight to behold indeed. Oh, and I'm awed by the thought of having men write sonnets to her and "peel her grapes" - which sounds positively tantalising, of course. It's been simply ages since a herd of strange men peeled my grapes.
from hissandtell :
I'm quite certain that Karima with her fringes and beads and shaking ta-tas is a fearsome sight to behold indeed. Oh, and I'm awed by the thought of having men write sonnets to her and "peel her grapes" - which sounds positively tantalising, of course. It's been simply ages since a herd of strange men peeled my grapes.
from mom-on-roof :
Hey Snarky, you drape yourself with flowing silken fabrics, knock the weirdo suckling cat off, buy a fake belly button ring, and BECOME Kareema, sexy, mysterious, curvaceous, ululating island princess. Sounds so fun! Almost makes me want to give up my crisp, white cotton!
from poolagirl :
How you doing, Karina?
from im2qt2kr :
You're going to LOVE belly dancing. I danced professionally for several years. My stage name..De-li-lah!
from mom-on-roof :
Go Snarky, with your bad ululating self! Good word! I am going to try to work it into conversation 4 times today. Try here for some stage names: http://www.bdancer.com/med-guide/names/fnames.html#H I like "Oriana". Or "Princezna Hyacinta".
from hissandtell :
Starter whip? Oh, more information, please, you snarkly temptress! 'Cause, you know, I'm reading your entries backwards and I already knew you were "saddle sore" before I read about the whip, and then I got to the entry that starts "I am fried, beat, whipped" and got dizzily excited, but then I remembered that was BEFORE you ventured to the sex shop on your own, and then I thought, well, so what happened, and then...oh, am I talking too much? And asking too many questions?
from hissandtell :
Happy 100 thingies, oh Your Snarkiness! You're still my best hero (and I'm just loving catching up on your entries that I missed while I was away). Smooch.
from poolagirl :
Happy 100th entry! YAY! What a nice thing for you - and for those of us who think you are completely and utterly amazing!
from chaosdaily :
congrats on #100!!
from serenaville :
Congrats on 100 entries! Looking forward to the next 100. More interviews! More snark! Huzzah! :D
from niceguymike :
Was that too totally cool, or what?
from chaosdaily :
gee i thought martinis WERE made with fingernail polish remover.....
from dangerspouse :
HAH! The Pillsbury Dough Girl story was great! Hope you're having a terrific vacation :)
from xnavygrrl :
Okay, I'm really not stalking you, but I was reading over some of your older entries..I'm ex-mormon too. So is Arianstar. Oh, it feels so good to not be alone....
from xnavygrrl :
Thanks for making me a favorite! :)

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