DiaryLand members area

hey Sol! Looking good! Leah is beyond adorable. Good gig with the Mary Kay. I could use an extra $500 a month; but alas, I lack the female contacts and no way am I cold-selling! Good for you for making that extra cash. Glad you updated!

from saranade :

Hi, Sol. Good to see your back. I hope things are going ok for you. Did you change your password? The one I had isn't working... My email is [email protected], if I can have it. Thanks. :-)

from violetwoman :

Sol, there you are! Do you have a blog at myspace (must confess, I've never navigated or looked at myspace much before). Do I need a password for your site? Would love to keep in cyber touch and see what's happening. BTW, your pic on myspace gave me a startle - whoa girl, pretty hot stuff! :)

from amalthea23 :

Glad you're still alive and well :) I'll actually be at MB's this saturday, imagine that!

from violetwoman :

Hey Sol, you have a great Christmas! Glad to see you're still around!

from amalthea23 :

I wish we weren't too far out east for you. We have an available apartment :(

from violetwoman :

Hey Sol, I emailed my password to your gmail account. Are you still using that account?

from violetwoman :

That's cute, how daycare was more traumatic for you; a sure sign of a great mom! Back to work? Ugh. I feel for you.

from saranade :

You've been tagged!! Go check my diary. :-)

from violetwoman :

That's cause I'm a genius, that I figure these things out!

from violetwoman :

Wishing you LUCK, Sol! I miss your updating. Do you have still have a blog on myspace? If you want to share, please email me, eh?

from amalthea23 :

That is crazy rockin! Thanks for letting me know :)

from violetwoman :

Hey, I don't know which one is cuter, you or Leah! I'm glad you had a good time there - love to hear about it! It sure looks green and lush, ... and warm, no doubt. Ahhh.

from violetwoman :

I was just thinking of you today - wondering what was up. Looks like you're planning a new life - excellent. And I don't think you've messed Leah up as much as you think - love counts for a whole lot! *hugs*

from amalthea23 :

Heh, no problem :) It's little and teeny down there!

from amalthea23 :

No doubt, we do checks and money orders too. The info is here: http://amaltheasattic.com/faq.htm Just so you don't loose it! ;) As for falls, just tell me what kind of look you want. There's a bunch of premades on the site, but if you want something custom, the best way to do it is to tell me the overall look you want (big and fluffy, long and heavy, etc) and the colors and then I'll have some idea of where to start and I can suggest some designs for you!

from violetwoman :

Sol, where in heck are you? I just noticed how long it's been. I hope everything is okay.

from amalthea23 :

lol, yeah, i know. and as for the hair, i dunno. something.... just... not what i have! i might just be insane. maybe i should just get bangs. i need $$ so i can afford to just tell the hairdresser to "make it amazing." he's so good, but soooo expensive!

from saranade :

Go for it, Sol!! Good luck, and Merry Christmas...

from amalthea23 :

Hey there. If you're gonna be in Hicksville, first of all, check out this place: http://www.modifiedmind.com/employline.html and then hit me up and we'll see about getting that color on you...

from amalthea23 :

You do know. Though knowing and doing are two different things and doing is harder, but you must. You CANNOT raise your kid in an environment like that. If he were making ANY effort, I might say differently, but I've been reading you forever and he's getting worse. Go to your family, it's got nothing to do with what you want to do, it's what you have to do.

from amalthea23 :

It shouldn't be too tough then you'll start out with a slightly deeper red than in that photo, but as time gois on, you'll end up with the color in the picture. I'd recomment special effects rather than manic panic though, it just lasts longer (same color though.)

from amalthea23 :

Heh, that's almost exactly what I have now. That wouldn't be too tough at all. What color are you right now, and is it dyed or natural?

from amalthea23 :

what color do you want? i'm a dye whiz...

from wvprincess :

can I have the username and password please...

from saranade :

Me, too, me too!! ([email protected])

from amalthea23 :

hey, can i get in?

from violetwoman :

I was wondering where you'd gotten to. That sucks about work, especially since you sound like an ideal employee. I swear, 99.9% of management are asses. And most coworkers as well, well, maybe half of 'em!

from violetwoman :

Sol, I don't know how you do it all. I get exhausted just reading about your hectic days. You're handling a lot, no wonder you're stressed. I can't offer any solution regarding the relationship - you'll likely make your mind up one day, and that will be that. It just takes some time getting there, is all. Whatever path you choose, be happy at long last - you deserve it. major *hugs*

from violetwoman :

Go for it, Sol! Leah would look adorable, and so would you (sexy-adorable, that is!). Man, I wish I was dressing up for Halloween!

from amalthea23 :

then i agree with him on that front. happiness is generally for the taking, it's just a scary grab.

from amalthea23 :

"To come with the terms that some things never change and you just have to be happy." Hearing you say this makes me sad. You never have to "come to terms" with that. What you have to do it get yourself into a situation where you're THRILLED that things never change and you can't HELP but be happy. Just because your dad is older, doesn't mean that's wise advice. Yes, some things can change with marriage, but it doesn't have to be negative, and starting in a negative place will make it hurt all the more down the road. I'm not that old, but I've lived too much. Here's MY lesson, NEVER settle for less than what makes you happy, no matter what. If you live that way, you will not have regret.

from for-you-only :

I like you're layout.

from for-you-only :

You're cool. :)

from for-you-only :

Hi! I'm glad you found it interesting. :)

from amalthea23 :

hey, can i come in?

from violetwoman :

You know what to do. It's just hard finding the strength. It's hard admitting that something is over, especially when you still love the other person and in your case, when you share a beautiful little girl. I did the same thing with the cheatin' ex - that is, I forced him to finally say, 'I don't love you anymore.' Well, I knew that already and did it make any difference that he told me? No. I just felt humiliated and pissed off that I'd hung on for so long hoping that he'd change his mind. Relationships. Bah. Who needs them, eh? Nothing but heartbreak and misery! (well, not always but a LOT of the time!) *HUGS*

from amalthea23 :

if you've gotten into a school that you can attend with leah away from this horrible person. GO. do not look back. this could be the beginning of a real life for you. if you don't take advantage of it, you'll regret it forever.

from violetwoman :

Sol, where are you? What's happening? I hope everything is okay!

from a-prufrock :

Hi Sol. Just realized your diary's locked; if it's ok, can I have the password? My e-mail is [email protected].

from violetwoman :

check out your smoke detector!

from violetwoman :

Hey Sol, yes I wonder too about these things, and I am far too ashamed to talk about my 'termination'. That's a huge guilt/grief trip, one I've never recovered from. The burdens women have to bear. Of course, in a fantasy world we'd be smart enough to not get into these situations but since it's the real world..... BTW, I'd like your password, too. *hugs*

from wvprincess :

I'd like the username and password please..

from amalthea23 :

I'd like one!

from violetwoman :

What's a TIVO? I've heard of them but have no idea what they are......

from violetwoman :

Your hair is down to your waist? It must take FOREVER to dry! I don't think I'll ever succeed in growing my hair long, much as I'd love to have it. I'm giving it one more chance... That's great that Matt will consider counselling. I was looking at your baby pics today (Leah of course is radiant!) and looking at Matt. It's funny. He has such a gentle, kind face, at odds with how he acts sometimes! I hope you two can work on this. I just ordered our cable tv to be disconnected. Simon and I have a good relationship but too often I find ourselves staring at the screen like two zombies, not talking or anything. And even if we don't want to talk, at least maybe I'll get writing and he'll do some painting. It's just too easy for us to watch the boob tube. Have to admit I'll miss funniest home videos! And Becker reruns. And muchmusic. And, and, and....... Oh, btw, you look beautiful in those pictures, too!

from violetwoman :

Hey Sol, I think you are right. Make plans. Do what's best for you and Leah. You can't force Matt to love you but maybe he'll realize it one day. I can't see how he'd want to lose his little family, though. I mean, really. He's a lucky guy, no matter what's gone down before. Obviously you've changed and matured, and he has too, I'm sure. It's just the forgetting and forgiving that's the hard part. I know he's a good guy, because you've written so much about him since you've met. I know you've heard this before, but would he consider couples counselling with you?

from a-prufrock :

Hey Sol...I'm sorry about Great Adventures. I was actually looking forward to YOU going, which is a little weird, I guess. Supposedly, me and the husband (who is also from LI, by the way) are going over the summer...I hope you get to go before then. Out of pure nosiness, did you delete all of your old entries, or just hide them somewhere? Also...I know you've heard this before...you've got a beautiful kid. She looks just like you.

from lousrose :

i love you hon! *hugs*

from saranade :

*blush* Thanks. It's mostly either depressing or senseless, but I'm glad you like it. As for your's...I've been reading it a long time, ever since you and Matt hooked up. Or maybe a little before that. I actually read his first (soady), and found your's through him. I see that a lot has changed, and I don't just mean your life. Your whole tone is different; you seem so sad and lost. I quit reading his diary, 'cause he locked it, and right before the server crashed, I figured out it wasn't locked anymore...point being, I can't really say anything for sure, not knowing his side of the story, but Sol, honestly...what is best for you and Leah? I know you don't really know me, and I might be coming off as nosy or, whatever the word is...I also don't really think that I'm the first person to say this to you. Does Matt read your diary?

from a-prufrock :

I don't mind. SaraNade. It's both real and fake, if that makes sense. Which it probably doesn't.

from a-prufrock :

Hi. I've been reading your diary for quite some time, only under a different diary name. Anyway, my other diary was messed up when the server crashed; a lot of older entries were missing. I've noticed that this seems to have happened to a lot of diaries, including your's. If you want to fix it, you need to change your template. To keep your current template, save the codes somewhere safe, then change the diary to a prefab template. That should bring back all of your old entries. Then switch your codes back to the template you want. Hope to read more from you soon...

from violetwoman :

Leah is incredibly perfect. A little angel!

from amalthea23 :

she wanted to im you last night but you were away (and she's being shy, lol...)

from callmekat13 :

Hey you like pretty much the same bands i like! thats too funny! Your sooo lucky you saw garbage live. i took the survey i dont like any of those bands and i havent gone to them except three which were crappy. email me at [email protected] [please! and write me back|!

from amalthea23 :

i don't usually do this sort of thing, but you and mushufrufru from my buddy list would really get on well i think. she's my sister in law and had her baby last new years and you're going through some similar stuff...

from violetwoman :

Sol, you are making the right decision, as hard as it is. Unfortunately, your love for Matt isn't going to make him change back to the way he used to be. Too much water under the bridge for both of you, at this point. Maybe he still loves you, I don't know, but at this point, nothing positive is happening. It's just too bad, for you and Leah both, that you and Matt couldn't have worked it out, but by what you say, he wasn't willing to go there, right? Didn't sound like it. And it's too bad because I know you love him, and he sounds like a smart, capable guy who used to love you a lot, too. What on earth happens to people? I never understood the transition from love to hate, or whatever, even when it was happening to me. It just seemed that suddenly there was a defining moment, when I suddenly realized that it had all gone horribly wrong, and that I couldn't undo a damned thing.

from violetwoman :

Hello darlin'. I see you're in a crappy state of mind re: your relationship. I think you're right to go with your feelings, both the obvious ones and the gut ones. You KNOW that things aren't right but what in hell does one DO? I wish I could offer you some sage advice but I'm 43 and still struggling with relationship shit. I hate losing the ones that I love, or have loved. It seems to happen over and over. On that note I am thinking of changing the password on my diary and keeping almost everyone out now. So if you see it locked, and you want to still read (and I want you to!) just email me. [email protected] It's a lovely day here. I'm about to go shopping (bad, bad me, but I'm so bummed I HAVE to go buy clothes)! And I also think you're a great mom, as I've said before. Leah is so cute and I don't blame you for not wanting to go to work. Agh. Where is the big lotto jackpot, eh?

from violetwoman :

Hey Sol, thanks for your note. Hearing that it isn't unusual makes me feel better. Simon bought me some antibiotic drops which should help. (I HOPE!) I meant to drop you a line about your kitty. I feel so badly for you. Hopefully she'll find a good home soon: you never know. Nothing is ever easy, is it? Hoo boy, if it were, I'd be out in the middle of nowhere and my health would be PERFECT! ;)

from violetwoman :

Hey honey, I was just going to drop you a note asking what's up! You've been gone a few weeks. Hope everything is great (good) (better?) in your life, and Leah is a happy little soul! I'm sure she is, since you're such a loving mom!

from violetwoman :

Happy Birthday, Sol! I really must write these things down, but next year I'll be doing the same thing! Don't envy you the move. Moving sucks, all the more so with baby and work. Packing is bad enough, but it's the unpacking which I loathe.

from lousrose :

matt is an insensitive jackass for saying something so completely cruel and entirely untrue in your case. you are beautiful and don't need to be hearing these hurtful comments, that don't even apply to you. you're the mother of his baby and you deserve respect. ugh. he pisses me off. this is a rambling note left on my way to bed LOL but i couldn't read your post and not respond. you're so pretty and i wish you had self more self esteem because there's no damn reason why you shouldn't be 100% confident in yourself. i have to go but just wanted to say that. *hugs*

from lousrose :

aw hon i hope you're able to work something out and leave starbucks.. or at least cut your hours shorter, that could make a huge difference. i'm working in retail right now- i'm at a modell's, and it's way better than jcpenney's, but at both jobs i want to go to another store til i find the perfect one.. they both have problems though and retail can be a major pain in the ass. you deserve to be a stay at home mom. happy holidays, btw. :) *hugs* love you lots.

from violetwoman :

Whenever I see scenes of New York I always wonder what it would be like to live there. The city skyline is so incredible, and I could people-watch forever. I came to the conclusion that I'd last a couple weeks then have to bail out back to the country! I have a vision that ONE DAY we'll actually move to a cabin over on the property and then I can invite people to stay (in the camper, hehe). Who knows? Maybe you'll make it this far! I think you'd love Vancouver Island at any rate. It's a rugged, beautiful place.

from violetwoman :

I kinda wondered how many people would know who he is! I just get blank looks from friends and family here at home! It was definitely a spur-of-the moment thing but what the hell, it's something to look forward to (and dread, hehe) for the next year!

from violetwoman :

You ARE up late tonight. Matt's behaviour isn't exactly stellar lately, is it? A phone call at a decent hour is NOT too much to ask. I feel for you. You've got a lot going on right now and none of it is easy. What impresses me is how much you love Leah and what a good mother you are. It seems to come so naturally to you. I know I'd be climbing the walls and freaking out over every little thing but you just take all her baby stuff in stride. *hugs* from Kim

from amalthea23 :

sadly, you know what you need to do. you need to know that leah's life won't be happy when her mom is unhappy all the time and her mom won't be happy getting constantly disrespected. so you need to do the hardest thing you've ever done, but what, in the long run, will serve you, and your child, best.

from lousrose :

i'm sorry about your hair *hugs* but you're beautiful with or without it. i'm trying to read more too, it is tough sometimes. yeah elena is a fucking wreck! i'll write an entry all about her lmao. i love you hon, hang in there. i am sorry work is such a drag. i wish you could be a stay at home mom and be with leah all the time- maybe one day you will, or you'll find a job that's better *hugs*

from violetwoman :

I can imagine how you feel about your kitty. It's so hard to find rental places that take pets. I mean, I can understand no dogs, but cats? Come on. So long as the owners are good people then a cat isn't going to do any damage. You said this lady is allergic though, so that's kinda non-negotiable, isn't it. I guess all you can do is find the best home possible for her. Shitty, though. Maybe you can offer to PROMISE to vacuum lots, and wipe Soda down with a damp cloth every night (this is supposed to really help--not soak her, just damp enough to remove dander), and maybe pick up an air ionizer somewhere (though they can be pricey). I don't know. Depends how allergic she is I guess.

from violetwoman :

Well this is shitty for you. Thank god your family is understanding and supportive-makes a lousy situation a bit more tolerable. I'll be thinking of you and Leah--sending good luck vibes your way.

from violetwoman :

Aww, honey, don't blame yourself. No matter what has gone under the bridge, you deserve respect and love. You both do. Unfortunately it takes two to make things better. Does he still love you at all, do you think? Would he consider counselling? I know you love him and want things to work. Maybe there's just too much water under the bridge. Maybe you both need a little time apart. I don't know. But at the very least you'll still be seeing him because of Leah. And she deserves to be around two communicating parents. Even if you split up, you have to maintain at least that. And don't beat yourself up about that incident. Yes it sucked but you didn't mean to do it. I know you're frustrated and it's so tough with a new baby and also having to go back to work. You need all the support you can get.

from amalthea23 :

it's not your fault. he's an asshole. asap, kick his ass to the curb and sue for child support. it is, after all, his manly duty. prick.

from lousrose :

aww you poor sweetie. i'd bitch with you except i quit my job yesterday. as soon as i get another one i'm going to join in again ;)

from coppersky :

thanks. I do keep updating... so I guess I'll be seeing you around. That conversation was one I had with my sister... I don't really have many conversations with her so it was extremely odd that the one we did have was so deep, as if she actually understood me.

from coppersky :

I liked reading a the entries of yours I glimpsed today. I know what you mean about that whole "partying" feeling and how sometimes you just want it to damn well go away. Hope that bath did you good.

from violetwoman :

Ha. Good story about Matt's parents. How you didn't blow your cool is beyond me. Although I must admit I sucked at changing my niece's diapers. Talk about fumble fingers, and meanwhile they'd be screaming blue murder and thrashing all over the place because I was taking so damn long! Also, Matt SHOULD bloody well be able to take care of Leah a couple nights a week. He's a daddy now, and that's just part of the job. Anyway, I hope you get some rest. Do you HAVE to go to the shower? ;) Me? I'd be flaked out on the couch all day being the lazy sod that I am! *hugs*

from violetwoman :

Sol...don't cover her ass. She's in the wrong and trying to drag you into it. Once you get involved, it usually goes downhill from there. Be careful!

from lousrose :

no no no, YOU are too wonderful. and you look so stunning now! you always have but i think being a mother has given you a new glow ;) i love you too!

from lousrose :

that's so odd he doesn't notice you, because you're so goddamn gorgeous (and are at any weight) and so is leah! you both look so wonderful :)

from violetwoman :

Aww. Mom and baby both are adorable. And you've got a smile on your face! Keep your spirits up, honey. *hugs*

from lousrose :

OMG CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :D *HUGS* i love you!

from violetwoman :

OMG. Sol! Congratulations! She's beautiful! How are you? Was she early? It seems early! I hope you and your darling baby are doing just fine. I am so happy for you.

from redveghead :

Did a google for my name, and your entry from March 26, 2003 popped up. Very cool. Glad to know you enjoyed the letter...and thank you for removing my name for privacy.

from violetwoman :

What's happening, Sol? You haven't updated for weeks now. Everything okay? I thought maybe d-land had screwed up and not shown you updating. And now I see you're locked. Let me know what's happening if you can. *hugs* from Kim

from amalthea23 :

i think we'll be there next week, perhaps then... :)

from violetwoman :

OOH, you shouldn't ASK for advice....that's like opening pandora's box with me. Just call me Auntie Kim, hehe. However, I am not offering any advice today, as my mind is going a thousand miles a minute about too much shit! I am so pleased you're reassessing yourself and your life. Congrats on your work promotion and new job-though I don't know how on earth you manage! *hug*

from vacant-star :

I found your diary when I joined your bigirls diaryring. Wow! Your life reminds me of mine, a lot, hahaha. Keep your head up, though, it'll turn out ok eventually...I mean, it has to, right?!? =) I really enjoy reading your stuff, hope things get a lil' better for you. I SO relate on the bf-constantly-playing-videogames-thing. :(

from lousrose :

*hugs* it's not wrong to hate people. hell, i hate people all the time ;) hang in there hon, i love you a lot. and your layout kicks ass, where did you get it? i'm looking for a new one for my diary but most layout sites have been deleted and the ones i've found are just crappy. *hugs* Love you.

from violetwoman :

Keep your chin up, honey. I know it's hard. Sending you *hugs* in case you need them.

from lousrose :

wow you are so right, about mike and my ex friend jessica. one day they both just got up and didn't give a shit and turned into demons i guess. fucking baffles the hell out of me. now i feel like i understand more what you were and are going through with him. it's so awful to lose a close friend over something you just don't understand- that doesn't make sense. and i think maybe it's not the situation that's confusing; it's them, and they're really fucked up and took advantage of us, and don't even deserve to know our names. they're lower than dirt and can go fuck themselves. that's what i think!! *hugs* you are BEAUTIFUL hon, i love you! <3 whit.

from lousrose :

aww thank you honey *hugs* you only deserve the best friends in the world. you're such a sweetheart. i love you! xoxo.

from kstyle :

happy new year! - michael

from lousrose :

happy holidays right back at you! wish i could have gotten you a present this year. as soon as i get my ass a job i will ;) matt is a jerkoff. and you are WAY more interesting than any game! <3 love you!

from lousrose :

thanks so much, Pete is already feeling better, i can tell :) by the way, have i told you how much i love your layout? i'm fucking obsessed with angelina jolie, i even named my car after her LOL. i just listened to the gravity CD on the way hoem from the methadone clinic with my sister- she had barely even heard of our lady peace, isn't that nuts? i want to see them live so badly. i miss the times when my parents were together too but i know it's better now they're apart- they seem happier. i think this christmas season is just bringing out the blues in a lot of people, as usual. i would have been a lot sadder if eric had really died, because it was around this time he "commited suicide" ugh. omg i always feel so bad for people who are alone at the movies, or in restaurants or at the beach. i feel so bad sometimes i cry. i'm so weird LOL. i hope you start to feel better hon, and i hope matt gets off his lazy ass ;) *hugs* love you!

from lousrose :

*hugs* cheer up baby. things will get better!

from lousrose :

i ate a ton yesterday too lmao. wow you are losing a ton of weight! i hope it's nothing bad and you are just becoming even more gorgeous, if that's even possible! :) i love you hon!! *hugs* xoxoxo whit

from pillowsrock :

hmmm your matt predicament with his jealousy and all sounds a lot like my predicament with blah... she gets jealous everytime i bring up a friend or a funny convo, and then suddenly i am accused of replacing her. all i can say is that if they aren't appreciative of hearing about it, don't say anything to them about it. and just ignore it, because it just a matter of immaturity on their part and only they can fix that when they feel like it. it isn't fair to you. you're not doing anything wrong. so don't stop.

from violetwoman :

good grief, you're firing off the entries today. Of course, Matt's jealousy can be too extreme. I'd hate it if Simon was jealous of Big Pete and I. I'm always yakking on about our conversations at work, that's no biggie with Simon. I'd be pretty annoyed, too. Mind you, when I was with the cheating bastard ex, my jealous button was on red alert, 24/7. I was another person, and I hated myself. I was like Matt, to be honest, but in the end I was right. I am in the minus-jealousy zone with Simon, he can chat all he wants with other ladies, and I just sit back and get a kick out of the ones who are flirting with him. But I guess if he did something wrong, or became infatuated, or talked too much about a certain woman, that would change pretty quick.

from violetwoman :

Hey Sol! Re: your Matt & jealousy issue. There is no right or wrong here. I, too, have had to distance myself from male acquaintances as Simon doesn't believe in male/female friendships. But I don't mind much. I've kept my important male friends, and I certainly haven't met any new ones! He is worth the sacrifice. I have accepted the situation and that's that. If you are flirty and like to have male friends to fill some void or need (only you know this), then perhaps you need to look at that angle. That being said, if you want male friends as part of your life (and that's totally fine) you have to have a partner that can deal with that. Else you'll have nothing but trouble, as you well know. You've only made vague references to what happened with Michael but it sounded like it blew Matt out of the water (and he was already hurting before that). You have to be realistic here--do you think that he will ever get over it? Maybe trust is something that you two will never be able to create again, and it is vital to a healthy relationship. Maybe Matt needs to find someone that he thinks he can trust. Maybe you need to find someone who accepts your male friends from the get-go, and who you can start 'fresh' with. I don't know. I'm just throwing out ideas here, not saying what you 'should' or 'should not' do. But you are right in one thing...if you and Matt have decided to commit to each other after all of this, then at some point, yes, he does have to let go and trust you again. It may take some time. But you have to work with him on that. I imagine couples counselling would be too expensive. You said that he became very angry and unplugged your laptop. Despite his fears about what you're doing, he also needs to manage his anger. His anger at you being on Mike's server really has nothing to do with you using it. It all goes back to trust, and maybe he is even using his control card, just so he feels safe. That isn't healthy, either. If you truly haven't contacted Mike in months, then you are truly letting go. Good for you. It takes a lot of hard work and self-control. Personally, I'd say the server thing is a non-issue at this point, so long as you're not in direct contact. I imagine you'll switch hosts one day, anyway, just because the time is right. Letting go one piece at a time is quite common. Eh, I'm at work and having a mild panic attack, therefore out comes my counselling mode. I hope you don't mind. I always feel like I'm treading on people's toes when I do this! You do sound a lot stronger now in your entries, which is wonderful. I wish you luck with Matt, because you often write how lucky you are to have him in your life. *BIG HUG* from Kim

from amalthea23 :

awesome, i had a lot of college friends from there. i'm in smithtown, not too insanely far away... we'll definately have to meet up sometime...

from amalthea23 :

hey, what town are you living in? we should meet up!

from amalthea23 :

welcome back!

from violetwoman :

Sol, hope you're doing well! Thanks for the update--at least you're still keeping in touch! *big hug* from Kim

from lousrose :

hey hon. i miss you so much. what's going on with you? why don't you update? whats with the army and the baby and all this other stuff? and how's your health? i feel like i'm so in the dark lmfao i love you SO FUCKING MUCH. i'm always on aim as mrjingles298 please IM me or email me [email protected] sometime i miss you tremendously!! *hugs* lots of love, <3 <3 xoxoxo whit.

from violetwoman :

Attagirl! Glad to hear you're hanging in there and doing better! I look forward to reading your journal once again!

from violetwoman :

Hey Sol. No more journalling for you, or no access to a computer these days? Hope all is well.

from jlinda :

Im back! I finally found the key to unlock it lol!

from lousrose :

i agree, you do need a serious break. and i've been meaning to catch you on aim to talk about this mike situation. but it sounds like you're not really in the mood to discuss it, which is cool! sweety matt is a great guy and he's here to support you. i'm here too. i want you to talk to him even if you feel like you're just admitting he proved you wrong- it has nothing to do with that, everyone just wants you to be open so we can work this out and be here for you 100%. one day this will all be over and guess what? we'll still all be there. i love you a ton and you deserve to be happy. so hang in there and have fun camping :) ;) <3

from lousrose :

*hugs* honey you hang in there. i love you so much!! i will always be here for you :)

from violetwoman :

I thought of a new name for your new diary if you're still going to do that. Something with Phoenix in it--you know, the beautiful bird who rises from the ashes of its own death? Kinda like you, starting all over, ya think? There was a phoenix in Harry Potter, as I recall....

from violetwoman :

sweetheart, why even bother? it doesn't matter anymore what he said or did then anymore. what will it change by knowing, or not knowing? you're just dragging it out and causing more suffering to yourself. let him go. it's time. you have done all you can. there is nothing more you can do. his loss. you need to start thinking of you now, and the past is just that, gone, you can never get it back. be kind to yourself. don't call him. don't listen to gossip about him, don't even write about him anymore. it's a waste of your energy and you need all the energy you can get right now. it's the only way to get over him. love is a two way street, and he's not even on the same street as you. i'm sorry to sound harsh, but shit, i've got friends who are doing the exact same thing as you and I fear they'll NEVER get over their exes. it's ruining their lives. Do you want that? I don't think so! you are brave and strong. you can do this. you deserve to be happy, on your terms. at last. take care, and a big hug, from Kim

from biscut :

hi there. hate to bother you, but all of the sudden, when i want to look at my diary, a window pops up requesting a password from you. do you have any idea why this is? -biscut

from violetwoman :

Hey Sol, glad you had a night out and about. Umm, did I miss an entry or something? Any news on your pregnancy? I always love hearing things about 'other' people's babies! Take care, Kim

from lousrose :

hey sweety, im so glad you had fun!! can you send me the username/pass for when you lock your diary? i hope you're doing okay. im sorry about your health probs *hugs* feel better soon , I LOVE YOU!! xoxo, whit

from amalthea23 :

i'm sorry for what you're going through, i hope you feel better soon...

from violetwoman :

thinking of you and I hope you're doing well, take care of yourself. big hugs, Kim

from violetwoman :

Sol, this is HUGE news! If this makes you happy then that's all that matters. You'll be a loving mother, of that I am sure. How does Matt feel? You've got lots to think about, keep your chin up, you'll be fine!

from perceptionss :

It's locked butI'm hoping things are okay. Take care of yourself SOL.

from violetwoman :

Hey Sol! Had to respond to your entry tonight. Yes, Matt was 'testing' you but his behaviour stems from his fears and I am sure you realize that. You know that you will not cheat on him and you think that he should 100% believe that you won't either. Well, if I was in his shoes I'd be worrying too. I would absolutely HATE it if Simon wrote about another woman the way you write about Mike, no matter if it's on a friend level. You were in love with Mike, you've been living with him the whole time, when have you had time to resolve your feelings on him and on yourself and on life in general? It's really, really tough and I know you're going through some hard times but Matt has incredibly stood by you. You can't expect him to trust you 100% when you are still pining over Mike. I think that part of this whole mess, and I think you've written his before, is that you love too much, and you have enough love to love so many people in your life, and you feel the pain of the loss more. Not many people are like that and not many people can understand that. You know yourself you need to learn your boundaries, to stop hurting yourself, to let go. And it's not even about Matt when I say this-it's all about you taking care of yourself. At this point you are killing yourself trying to be 'friends' with Mike. I see it in your writing. I read your entries from a year ago when you and Mike broke up and you were seeing Matt. There is a difference in your writing. You were still hurting then but you didn't dwell on it so much, and your writing seemed to come from a stronger place. Don't let the world beat you down, Sol, because it always will, if you let it. Don't let this Mike thing rip you apart. Set small goals like not phoning him for a week, or even two days. God I've been through it all too so it's easy for me to say but believe me, I know it's not easy and I hope you never take my words as being condescending or patronizing or critical. I never mean them that way. I just want to see you feeling happier and I try to help in my old lady way of offering advice. I do the same with my step-kids, and my friends, and my sisters, and my cats...........take care, Sol. Your devoted reader, Kim

from lousrose :

mike is a fucking tard what kind of mentally challenged retarded idiot wouldn't want to be your friend? you're so fucking awesome, i love you, xoxo.

from lousrose :

*hugs* i love you honey.

from violetwoman :

Hey Sol. What would I do without my lil dose of 'sunshine' every day? Pretty please email me your password at [email protected]. Hope everything is coming together better for you now. Big hugs. Kim

from cyanidecandy :

your email address didnt work so I decided to note you about your diary....I hope you dont mind?? Anyway, I'm a loyal reader of your diary,if thats ok, and when I found out you were locking it I thought I'd ask if it was ok if I could have the password to your diary after you lock it?? You're in my favorites and I read everytime you update and you update the most. I have a lot of respect for you and your life and I would love to follow it more. And I hope you get everything you want out of your life,and everything gets better and goes well for you :) Good luck with everything!

from neuroticaa :

your picture is adorable! <333

from neuroticaa :

your picture is adorable! <333

from violetwoman :

Sol, Sol, Sol. One day you will look back at all this and think, "Why did I lose such energy and happiness over this guy?" I hope you are feeling better soon, he's not worth the pain you are suffering. Friends you may stay, no one knows, but at this moment you two are apart. It may not last. It may last forever. If he is a true friend, he will act as such, but you must treat yourself better. Don't let HIM make you feel badly about yourself. He is just....a man. Granted, he's a man that has been a shithead and who you have a long history with but still.....you deserve much, much more from those you give the precious gift of your friendship and love. Okay? Take care, Kim

from violetwoman :

eh, learning how to be a little selfish isn't a bad thing at all. And re your comments about Mike... Men are funny that way. They are totally capable of shutting down, of being cold, and that is so foreign to women! How can they do that? But they do, all the time. Hope you're feeling a bit cheerier soon. Take care.

from violetwoman :

Out, Out, Damn Cyst! Why do we have to get them anyay? They serve no purpose whatsoever. Have a great weekend!

from lousrose :

oh god honey *hugs* i'm praying you're okay, i love you!!!

from maralisa :

You've locked sweetheart? :(

from violetwoman :

Hey, maybe we can share ovarian cyst stories, NOT! Well, maybe.....Hope you're feeling better this morning.

from violetwoman :

Hey girl, you're much too quiet lately, I miss your writing! Hope you're doing well.

from maralisa :

username=passport, password=control xx

from oedalis :

"Used to be the I HATE JAMES diary."---ironic, that, as i run the 'i love james' d-ring lol! said james is now my ex also. ah, what a small world.

from patw-21 :

kickin diary.....will you make me an animated banner? i found you on the top 100 diaires

from raven72d :

Small beagles are wonderful!

from pollypry666 :

I like your diary, oh yes. Big up to da big brovaz an all ma homies in the 'hood, love M.C. Romeo

from raven72d :

You have a photo of a small beagle atop a Pikachu pillow! That's...wonderful! It embodies two of my favorite things!

from lacuervo :

Thanks for signing my slambook. Wow, someone who actually likes wrestling signed it. Thank you!

from violetwoman :

When is (was?) your birthday? If I missed it somehow, Happy Birthday! If it hasn't arrived yet, well......see above. Mine is arriving soon as well, bleh.

from violetwoman :

Hello again. I wish you a Happy New Year and all good stuff! Take care. Kim

from lousrose :

*hugs* i love you

from lousrose :

merry xmas love!

from cutiepie1983 :

Just wanted to wish you Happy Holidays and hope you have a happy new year! Cute layout by the way! ~Nancy~

from lousrose :

*hugs* i love you and thanks for everything!

from lousrose :

i noticed that i've never left you a note before and it made me feel bad, as weird as that is. i will email you my addy in a sec, and i will give you a good list of songs as soon as i'm back at my mom's where there's morpheus :) love you.

from violetwoman :

hey, thanks for the encouragement with my attempts at HTML---hope you're feeling fine!

from violetwoman :

Sol, nothing I can say will make you feel better, I wish there was--take care-my thoughts are with you--Kimmee

from violetwoman :

thanks for the compliment!

from kbaa :

when did you go?

from kbaa :

i know how it feels.

from kitrolis :

hey sunshine831, first i want to tell you why im writing you this note. It started by me trying to look for some information on my friend ariel on the internet, who past away on the second of january. I was really sadden by what happen...and as i was looking for information on him, on the internet, i found your dairy entry, and it made me feel good, because some one was grieving just like me, even though i found out a week later about what happen to him....and ever since then i never really got over what happen. so now, i decided to make a web page dedicated to him. who he was, how he was, and how he help some people out. If you're wondering i met him at the door, like 4 years ago and i knew him ever since. But i was wondering if you have any pictures that you can email me for his web page. Im asking alot of people to tell me about him...and their experience being his friends. and im also asking for pictures which i would give back after i scan them..or unless they are emailed to me...i know this is random...but ariel had a very special place in my heart...and i want more people to read and now how great he was. ariel was a really good friend to me...and he told me things as they were, and i really respected him for that...and that's what i really admired...so if youcan get back to me...it would really help me out....i just signed up to start diary entries with diaryland..even though i don't have anything posted yet...but please let me know. thankks..after im done with the page im letting everyone know about it...

from jlinda :

Thank you. I appreciate that. :-(

from lousrose :

(your gbook is pissing me off :() LOL we can all be nuns! I should send that cyber whore to tim's house. that would "calm him down" ;) have fun tonight, and tell me how it goes :) whit.

from mandypandy83 :

For you: http://favediaries.diaryland.com/020810_79.html

from k-hun :

i love your diary.. we have the same layout! haha but yeah.. dont give up.. o.O.. never ever give up.. thanx for reading this, check out my diary sometime if you get too bored.. ~<3~ *kahla*

from bluedress8 :

Hey, thanks for your notes in my diary...I really do appreciate hearing your point of view on things regarding my relationship with Sam. I know deep down what I am doing is wrong and it is something I truly sruggle with. Thanks for not judging me. And just as you tried to see things from my point of view (and I am sure that was not an easy thing to do considering what happened with your parents), I am also really trying to see things from your view point. Anyways I enjoy reading your diary. Hope you're having a good day.

from sweetpea6644 :

Can u give me advise on how to make my diary more... Better.. if u have AIM tell me please it would be better to talk on that.. thanxs please right back in my note book.. if i have one.. thanxs

from soady :

Sol is amazing, she is the best girlfriend a guy could ever ask for... I would know and I'm sure others would agree (: I love you

from deanisgood :

<font face="comic sans ms">Can I be part of the "bigirls diaryring?"</font>

from imandra :

::pout:: I tried to read your diary and you locked it! ::pout:: can I have a password? I'll love you forever...

from dieselfrost :

hey you HUUUGGGGGS* i know sometimes things get hard but rember moving isnt leaving and friends are always closer then you think

from airtheorchid :

You don't want to be 12 again, stay 21, become uninhibited, enjoy who you are:) and thank you for visiting my diary. hugs, ato

from srch-n-dstry :

Do as the prompt tells you to do and remember: Search And Destroy. http://members.diaryland.com/edit/addpub.phtml?user=srch-n-dstry

from pillowsrock :

hi sol. i hope you get better and everything. blah blah!! I AM A SICK COW! GIMME WINGS AND I WILL DIE HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO!! and if you ever are feeling upset or anything call me or send me an IM, i'll try to cheer you up with my insanity. and also, though my brother is a very floppy dumb la, he is very sweet, so you are VERY lucky to have him there for you. feel better!!

from gamblor :

I love you baby. I miss you. I hope you are feeling a little better right now.

from sunshine831 :

IF YOU READ MY DIARY PLEASE LEAVE ME A NOTE OR SIGN MY GUESS BOOK!!!! I want to know what you think...even its its just that I am pathetic...thank you

from gamblor :

Hey baby. I love you soo ooooooo much. I hope you have many better days ahead of you and I will be there every step of the way. Just let me know if you need ANYTHING. I LOVE YOU.

from pillowsrock :

Sol this is Jessie. Can you give me access to your diary? My member name is pillowsrock. You can leave a note at my profile or here or whatever if you do.

back to sunshine831's profile
recommend this diary to a pal?

Other diaries starting with the letter:
a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z

Back to Diaryland