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messages to suzza:
(click here to add new message):

from shanmeid :
motivation is goodness... pls throw some my way ;)
from f-i-n :
happy turkey day
from f-i-n :
very funny entry---those halfhearted hippie dudes are always so hot.
from prosperpine :
Thank you. The reason I wrote it when I couldn't sleep was because I was full of that awful inarticule anger that only disapates when something has been formalised into words. And for the record, you're very articulate.
from shanmeid :
hey, I'm sorry about your sister. you're right about wanting to do something. I don't think I could sit aside and let things take a course that you know will be taken. your mom (bless her) is a little ignorant I think. Thinking of you <3
from coldandgray :
No sleep 'til YUKON! I am jealous, but glad it is good for you.
from shanmeid :
good to hear you say those things... <3
from f-i-n :
i know exactly what you mean.....
from coldandgray :
GO!
from prosperpine :
Hell yeah. I don't actualy have messanger, largely because they scare my,and everyone I know who has it seems to have thousands of people listed as friends, but they hardly know them. Still, drunking meandering would be good. Why can't you live in England? Or even better, me in Canada?
from thinkingdeep :
I can't help but think of how great of a mom you're going to make one day. You have so much love for a family who doesn't appreciate you, I can only imagine how much you would have for people who would. I'm sorry to hear about the boy. Men are so stupid sometimes. It takes a lot of self respect to not be used for causual sex. I'm very proud of you. Good luck on your exams and essays.
from prosperpine :
You're not trash, and you're far from disposable. From what I gather, you're a strong Godly woman to resist whatever pressures that boy put on you. If I see him around, I'll kick his shins (or any other part of his anatomy, I'm open to sugestions)for you. And has for family... the only cosolation I can offer if that it's part of the Natural Order of things to not get on with them; it's entirely possible to love someone deeply but act in a way that suggests the complete opposite. Thinking of you. x
from teachin-usa :
Hi. Actually I converted to Judaism a few years ago, and before that I was amazingly ignorant of Jewish stuff, so I can appreciate your questions. So there are so many ways to have a seder (seder means order in Hebrew- as in order of events), but as I understand it, it is about remembering fleeing from Egypt- how we were slaves and then free. We use different symbols. The matzah is the unleavened bread we had to take with us when we fled because there was no time to let the bread rise. The different symbols on the seder plate remind us of bitterness, tears, mortar in which we worked as slaves for the Egyptians. Anyway, I would say Christians could also do a seder using the same symbolic meaning as we do because your Old Testament is our bible, so it would be like acting out parts of the bible. My favorite part of Pesach (Passover) is remembering oppressed and enslaved people are still everywhere and committing ourselves to helping them and keeping an eye out for bigotry and prejudice. I have done the housecleaning part, but my Jewish athiest husband is not at all religious or into rituals so it isn't so fun. This year, his also unreligious Jewish parents will be visiting a week afterwards, and we'll have a seder. For them, it's not about God, it's about remembering, history and survival. So no matter if you are a liberal jew (like reformed like me) or a conservative or orthodox or ultra orthodox, there are many ways to find meaning in the seder that connect the past to the present and bring the stories alive for us and unite us with all the jews everywhere.
from prosperpine :
Good luck in your exams. xxx
from dimstar :
You have amazed me.
from prosperpine :
Honey, I need your address. I know it was writen on the envelop by I had the intellect of a stir-fried prawn, and lost it. x
from suzza :
I dunno what the time difference is, but it's still valentines day here! That's pretty good ^_^. Yay :) Don't study too hard :D.
from prosperpine :
Love! I got your card today; it was such a lovely suprise, I'm absolutely thrill! It's taking pride-of-place on my desk. *kisses*
from shanmeid :
... as long as you're happy ...
from barbi-doll :
Happy belated birthday!
from ethereal-red :
Happy birthday!
from barbi-doll :
I hate to see you struggling so much. Try not to get too panicky about what you want to study - maybe study something very broad to begin with? I wish I could help you. Just wanted to say, I've always found that Enya is great to listen to when everything else seems like it'll drive your last little bit of sanity away. Take care, love.
from dimstar :
You have been doing great and I know you can get back on track. It seems like so many diaryland members are struggling right now. I know from your diary how much happier you are when you are doing well.
from barbi-doll :
I'm sorry you're getting sick again, love, please try not to let it spiral out of control too much. Remember to take care of yourself, because you're all you've got. I'm glad to hear, though, that you're taking control of everything else. God bless.
from shanmeid :
hey, really like your new layout! it's good to hear you're trying to take a stand and gain control of your life. sometimes we need to lose it totally, for a little while, to gain perspective on what needs to be done! you just take care of yourself and keep on being the strong person that you are! cos you are, you know that! <3
from emaciana :
i wanted to see your pix! where can i see them? also, if you need any template help, you can email me. i design my own. take care. emaciana@hotmail.com
from prosperpine :
I had a lovely Christmas, thank you; in the bits I wasn't working. What about you? I like your photos by the way; if I was you, I'd be photowhoring way more than every two years. My life has exploded in *love*: I have a Joan Baez singing Bob Dylan song's CD (they had this drawn-out on-off affair thing, making it deeply squeeful), and then - as if that wasn't enough - I found a picture of Joni Mitchell hugging Leonard Cohen! Squee!
from ethereal-red :
Awesome pictures! I don't think you look like a man in drag at all in them. I hope you had a good holiday.
from emaciana :
i wish you a merry christmas. also, this time of the year can be very lonely for many people. even though it's such a "joyous time" it is also a time of much pain and loneliness. love, tia
from barbi-doll :
You sound so sad, Suzza. I just want to jump into your world and somehow make it all better. I am so sorry. I hope your holiday doesn't turn out as bad as you think it will.
from killkessa :
user: mrs password: levenkron
from emaciana :
ugh. exam time for me too. good luck with yours!
from barbi-doll :
Hey Suzza, it's Barbi from TF. How've you been? Um, I was wondering..... I heard that a temp forum has been set up while TF is down - do you perhaps have the address? I don't know if you're "allowed" to give it out or not. Anyway, I'd really appreciate a reply, even if it's to say that you can't give it out. I'm dying without TF! Take care of yourself.... PS> your new haircut sounds great :)
from emaciana :
you changed your template!!! i liked your old one... but hey change is good.
from prosperpine :
If I lived anywhere near your side of the Atlantic, you'd be having cookies plus optional hugs right now. It's a shame people are so scattered...
from prosperpine :
Seconded. It's been off for ages now.
from prosperpine :
*Nervous* Was I wearing clothes? ;) Email me. I love hearing people's dreams, largely because I have really freaky ones myself, with really really minor characters in from books who just randomly seep into my consciousness. I have a porous brain. :p
from prosperpine :
Nope, I think its having upgrades or something. It's probably not a bad thing it being down when I have examsin a week...*sulk*
from emaciana :
ooh... a scale... that's a double edged sword... be careful. and hey, i like the layout of your diary!
from prosperpine :
Take all the boots and run away with me. Together we can build a Shoe Eutopia.
from emaciana :
knitting - something i always wish i knew how to do.
from emaciana :
post pix of your piercing!
from emaciana :
oh yes, did it ever rain last night!!! good ole vancouver
from missy-17 :
hey, i left you a note in your diary!! hope ya get it!! :)
from the-moo :
yay what a cute dog.. I miss my dog.. shes at home with my mother.. I may be a grown up but I still can't afford a grown up sized house for my doggy! *hugs* hope you're ok xxxxxxxxx
from prosperpine :
Oh, I'm alive, but only in the loosest sense of the word. I'm literally either in work, binging or sleeping. I'm going to update soon.
from evababy777 :
well, my church has services several times a week (wed, sat, sun) to accomodate people with various schedules. my husband and i have been going on wednesday nights for about a month or so because he's been scheduled to work on sunday mornings.
from ethereal-red :
A huge smile on my face when I read about your baptism. I don't really remember mine- I was in 7th grade. All the ECT has wiped many of my good memories away- my graduation, my graduation party, my baptism... and more. I am so happy you wrote about it in this diary because now you'll always have something to remember it by. You'll never forget.
from no-map :
Im so happy for you sweethear tI am praying that things will continue to improve steadily for you.. and that whatever happens.. you'll always know how much HE lvoes you!! *hug* well done!!! xxxxxxx
from emaciana :
congratulations on your baptism!!!
from no-map :
aaaaw you made me feel all nostalgic about my baptism!! It's a wonderful WONDERFUL experisnce honey.. I hope you enjoy it!! *love* will be thinking of you xxxxxx
from ethereal-red :
You'll do fine at your baptism. I'm also a liberal non-denominational Christian. I'm so happy you posted... I missed you!
from kokiden :
hello, sorry, I've been away for a while, he he, I can give you my address but you will have to e-mail me first because my computer does not like the url (whatever that means). I'll also give you the address of my new flat which I will move in in spetember. Take care
from prosperpine :
Oh good, another loose and liberal non-denomonational. I just want to go to a church where the first thing asked is not what church my parents go to. 'Smart' trousers, btw, consistute semi-formal, non-demin pants in a suitibly sober colour.
from dimstar :
Congrats Suzza :) Woo Hoo. (something I never did was get baptized... Long story, but I still want to.) I hope you feel better soon. (((hugs))) Gwennie
from no-map :
CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!! yeay!! hope all goes well and you get better xxx
from prosperpine :
Good luck for your baptism; so are you a member of the Anglican Church? I'm thinking about formally converting to Anglicanism; it's Catholism-lite ;). Hope you're better soon too.
from dimstar :
Suzza, be careful. I'm afraid that you are going to fall back into everything. You seem so sad. I'm worried for you. I hope that your grandma feels better. Remember to take care of yourself. ~gwen
from emaciana :
good luck with the money thing... as for the ants... can't help you there! haha.
from no-map :
yeay welcome back!!! *hugs* xxxxxxxxxx
from kokiden :
I'm at school for four more weeks. Perhaps it is best to send it to my home address
from emaciana :
that is the best thing you can learn. not to strive to be anyone other than yourself, not for any guy or any person. If only i had learned that. take care.
from prosperpine :
Woo, I *just* got back off Easter holiday. Our school isn't *that* bad!
from prosperpine :
Woo, I *just* got back off Easter holiday. Our school isn't *that* bad!
from prosperpine :
My goodness, you study a *lot* of courses. Good luck on the date btw :).
from dimstar :
How nice Suzza :) It sounds just lovely. xoxo Gwen
from shanmeid :
*hugs* <3
from emaciana :
good luck with your finals!!! you'll do great, study hard, sleep well, don't panic. that's what i'm telling myself. take care × tia
from kokiden :
haha, not dead, just really busy with studying. How aer things, I've not recieved a letter from you in ages!
from shanmeid :
o' but u can mess up sweetie. u're only human. never blame urself for things that happen that are out of ur control. at the end of the day all u can do is give ur best and believe that it's so... <3 shanmei
from no-map :
you can honey you absolutely can!! Im here to help in any way I can I know my skills are of limited use to you... but my prayers are with you and Im open to any other thing I can do to take some of the burden from you xxx
from shanmeid :
That's so true... about the desert place! Our experiences are always our own and no one could ever relate. Only ourselves! <3
from teachin-usa :
hi suzza. no. i'm not canadian, but i am marrying a canadian resident. are you from bc then? sorry you are stressing about school- if you are having problems you neeed to tell your professors. my fiance is a professor and i know he is told to be sensitive to students' needs. it sounds like you have been going through a lot. my prayers are with you!
from thinkingdeep :
If you're going through hell, keep going -Winston Churchill
from shanmeid :
Didn't it ever occur to E.R. that she's one of those dense people??? The next time she goes on one of her tangents just remind her that God didn't put her on earth to judge! Damn... I dislike judgemental people! : ) <3 shanmei
from no-map :
what a beautiful thought!!! xxx
from no-map :
you can talk to me if you like?? I go away for two weeks from friday but before and after that... Im all yours.. *hugs* even if you just want to rant! xxx
from dimstar :
Suzza, I just noticed the links you have on your diary, with the "reasons to recover" and the link to the ed recovery website. Thank you, especially for the notes you borrowed from the website. I know that they will be especially usefull when I am having a hard time: seeing things I already know confirmed by others gives truth to it... Thank you, and I hope you are feeling better. xoxo Gwen
from no-map :
hehehe ooooops!! Hope you're not too hung over and that the few people know the rule about drunken actions not leaving the room! haha xxxxxxxxx
from no-map :
Yes get a fish and hang on to God!!! you're much stronger than you think... or move to England and live with your fans in newcastle!! ;-) *hugs* always here if you need me! xxxxxxxxxx
from no-map :
aaaw honey you shouldnt feel silly I leave THE most random notes and comments and they're usually completely inapropriate too *hugs* feel free to leave me utterly random messages I promise I won't think you sound silly! I think you're great Im pleased to have you as a reader :-) Glad to hear you sounding so happy too!! xxxxxxxxxxxxxx
from no-map :
oooooooh a boy! ;-) yay! xxx
from dimstar :
Awww, Suzza is in love !!! Go get em girl!
from no-map :
feel like I just come here and leave you useless irrelevant notes.. Im sorry my words don't always convey what I mean but you arent alone and Im here if I can ever do anything to help! you're so much stronger and beautiful than you give yourself credit for!! *hugs* xxx
from dimstar :
Suzza, you are pretty, I have seen your pics. (Contemplates sprinkling some self-esteem powder on diaryland) And definentilly more than wife material, for a GOOD guy! Also, you are more than just a pretty face. You are smart, kind, energetic, etc... I am not just saying it. Believe in yourself. ~Gwen
from shanmeid :
hey... if u look up into the sky tonight, u'll see u're not so alone... cos without u knowing at least 100 people are thinking of u, whether u know them or not <3
from kokiden :
Hello, just sent a letter yesterday. Hopefully it will arrive soon.
from no-map :
still praying for you and wishing you all of the happiness in the world!! xxx
from teachin-usa :
I love your name- suzza. It's kind of like my real name. You asked me in a note if teaching is worth it. Yes! But the system is not working- there are a lot of good and frustrated teachers out there. It just depends where you teach. School to school- district to district. But we can't ignore a national climate of upheaval in education that really is a bad thing (nclb). Eventually people will revolt, i think, because most people go into teaching because they are creative people, not robots. NCLB would like us to be more like robots- the "factory" model of education, so to speak. It's a good career with a solid income- you won't get rich though, and you have to be very tough.
from dimstar :
Suzza, I am doing well, no worries... Just some weeks, some days... I go through not such good times. But never again will I return to the point I was at two years ago, before I went to CFD. That was the worst. Hey, our roomates shoul move in together, and we could move in together... J/K. Sometimes I can be horrible, can I not ;)
from no-map :
wish I could break down that wall FOR you honey! You don't need me though.. and even if you don't feel strong enough.. know that God is.. and he CAN and WILL break it.. when you let go and give it to him! *hugs* xxx
from no-map :
im glad you had that conversation full of sunshine.. you deserve it! xxx
from kokiden :
Whaaaat, I'm not brilliant, just perfectly normal and slightly crap. I just got the letter that you sent weeks ago today and I'm feel great about what happened to you. I'm formulating a r4eply, which I should have sent two weeks ago but I've been really busy (bows in apology). I'll be sending something nice soon, I promise. Must pull self oput of pen-pal decadence. It's really great that you want to learn Japanese, I'll teach you some in the next letter, I'll teach you some kanji too. Okay, must run now do to assignment.
from shanmeid :
Hi. You sound really interesting and I've enjoy reading some of your entry's. From what I've gathered your in recovery. Well done! Love your layout by the way!
from no-map :
My sister in law challenged us all to give up makeup... I don't even wear a lot just on random occasions... but I still struggled with the idea that I COULDN'T wear it AT ALL.. especially when we were going clubbing and such.. was fun though! as long as you don't give up eating or trying to get better ..that's ok *hugs* xxx
from beautifulwoe :
haven't been on lithium in 4 years. it made me swell up seemingly overnight and i gained over 100 pounds. i don't remember the doseage, but it was quite high.
from no-map :
you're amazing!! you're astounding and I couldn't be more proud if I tried!! xxx
from no-map :
can't get you off my mind today am worried about you. *hugs* Please don't rob the world of your pressence you're amazing and God needs people like you on his side. He uses us more when we are weak because only then can we really lean on him! Im here if you ever need a friend or a prayer! xxx
from kokiden :
Oh, don't worry, the best things in life usually are.
from kokiden :
No, still no post.; Maybe I scared the postman, but to be honest I have to sort out my own post too...that is the pan on Wednesday
from no-map :
don't give up!! don't don't don't!! anything I can do or say to help.. please tell me *hugs* xxx
from no-map :
You're so inspiring!! *hugs* xxx
from no-map :
*applauds wildly* well done sweetheart just keep taking steps no matter how small.. as long as they head forwards you'll be fine!!!! xxx
from ethereal-red :
I think it's awesome that you're claiming this month as your own. You really deserve it!
from prosperpine :
Hey hey, you take care of yourself, too. ;)
from no-map :
:-( wish I knew how to cheer you up! xxx
from bone-fetish :
I know exactly how you feel. Searching for that one thing that will make everything better; that one person that makes it all worth it; that one place that feels safe. I'm sure it exists, for some. But we never seem to find anything while searching, do we? "Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans" -John Lenonn.
from no-map :
lol ok I get it now then! *hugs* Don't ever let gossip get you down though sweetness the devil will only send attacks if he sees you as a threat! *morehugs* people don't always understand the damage they're doing.. I hope everything is ok.. come talk to me if you need to!! xxx
from no-map :
what is the 'r' word?? I agree entirely with everything you said in that entry!! xxx
from prosperpine :
Oh, my mouth's much better now, thanks. There's still something *there*, but it doesn't hurt nearly as much. The bar didn't do any fun cocktails or anything like that, unfortunately, or I would have tried a Black Russian. Still, there's something nice and *pure* about neat vodka on ice; no nasty chemicals or colourings. Anyway, I hope you had a fablous birthday! *kisses*
from bone-fetish :
Happy Birthday, Sweetie. xoxo -Bone
from no-map :
Happy Birthday sweetie... Im 23 on my next one.. and I'll have an entirely different name.. how weird!! hope you have a lovely day! *hugs* xxx
from prosperpine :
No moose, but there are deer, foxes and hedgehogs about. Ruth and I did see a stuffed elk at the Edinburgh Musuem,and we were both really freaked by the size of it! Imagine, two 'adults' running scared from the stuffed animals...:)
from no-map :
hello honey! sorry about whoever that idiot was.. whats "A bullshit" anyway.. ;-p don't worry yourself too much just keep concentrating on the stuff that matters... that would be you! you matter... a lot!! dont forget that! xxx
from no-map :
are you ok? Im here.. if you need another ear or something! You just sound so small and lost at the moment!! *hugs* praying love at you!! xxx
from prosperpine :
Oh I know that entry doesn't make much sense. In a nut shell, my autistic brother, who's over six foot and about 15 stone tried to assualt me when my parents were out. On top of that, my 'friend' call me a 'attention-seeking faux-anorexic', so I can conclude that the only reason she's ever spoken to me was to laugh at my expense. Jus' one of those days...
from kokiden :
Alas, no (sniff). It was probably eaten by the CCCC (Canadian Christmas Card Crocodile). Looking foward to reciving your letter though.
from no-map :
I love the new layout it's bright and hopeful.. I hope you will feel that way soon! God will put you where he wants you.. trust.. take a step and know that he will catch you! OR.. come to Newcastle and be my slave? I don't pay well but I'll keep you warm and fed ;-) *hugs* praying for you honey! xxx
from no-map :
dont sppoligise for talking about those things here.. this is your diary and what concerns you concerns us! *hugs* sorry you're feeling low and I know you'll have heard it a thousand times but God does love you and NOTHING YOU COULD DO COULD MAKE HIM LOVE YOU MORE ...OR LESS!!! You're his he has you in his hand and he'll never let you go! If theres anything I can do to help hunt me down.. Im always around! xxx
from kokiden :
Yeah, it is a shame, I really hope it arrives this week. Valentines are a good idea...I'll send you a really nice one and you can pretend that it is actually from some handsome red-haired Scottish man.
from kokiden :
Not yet (sniff) hopefully it will arrive sometime this week. Mind you I tend to leave before the pst man so it might be there when I return to my flat
from kokiden :
Oh, and I really hope that you liked your card. i'm looking forward to recieving yours. Hopefully, it will be thee when I am back in Edinburgh.
from kokiden :
Ha ha, all is fine. Ill but happy. And you?
from no-map :
Hello there.. You always leave lovely notes and I decided to check you out.. I'm glad I did *hugs* you're a sweetheart! xxx
from kokiden :
Oh, I couldn't be angry with you. Your just looking out for me. I'm so happy that you sent that note because you really made me see sense. Anyway, how was your Christmas? I'm returning to Edinburgh tommorrow for New Year. Thay are you doing?
from kokiden :
Yes, your right, puking is not cool at all. I have to find more constructive ways of dealing with weight loss and my self image. Thank you, you are a true friend
from kokiden :
It did taste nice but that does not count anymore since it poisoned me.
from prosperpine :
*hugs* I got your card today, thank you. It seems yours is currently residing in your uni post box, boo. Congrats on the marks, btw!
from dimstar :
Suzza, you should have heard me after I left you that last note. I mumbled to myself, "Wait, pumpkin is a vegetable. Oh well, maybe she won't notice...!" I am so glad that you are doing well. You give me strength and inspiration as well. We can do this. Eating disorders don't have to be chronic things. Woo hoo! Go dodgeball :)
from dimstar :
Suzza! I am going to find you and kick your little butt! Two cookies= a snack ;) (Unless, of course, they are huge, and somehow have protein and veggies...) You crack me up girlie :)
from take-chances :
Hey there. I noticed you stumbled upon my diary through one of the diaryrings you've joined. Well, thanks for visiting. <3
from prosperpine :
I posted it last week...on well, it's still Christmas until the 6th. *waits by letterbox for card*
from dimstar :
Suzza, I was so glad to get a note from you. It sounds like you are doing better... I know what you mean about missing your mom though. I miss mine too, until I go home and then I realize nothing has really changed, and it would all be the same if I did return back to that place. You have finals this week right? So do I. Good luck with them!
from kokiden :
No need to be jealous, we can share ^.^ Did my letter arrive yet?
from prosperpine :
*hugs* Glad to hear things are looking up for you. I'm posting your card tommorow; now thats something else to *really* something to look toward to!
from prosperpine :
Oh yeah, boho is good :). I didn't realise that Bohemia used to actually be a real country until I read something about it in history...its somewhere in the Baltic, I think. </usless information spamming
from kokiden :
Yes I've sent a letter, I must admit, I've been quite bad...I wrote it two weeks ago but just forgot to post it until Thursday. It should arrive soon
from prosperpine :
I was refering to when I'm a dentist, without student debt or anything. I'm quite happy the have starvation imposed on be for financial reasons when I'm a penny-less student. Do you have to pay fees in Canada? Thanks to the Labour Government, we do, plus addition 'top-up' fees. *grumble*
from prosperpine :
Love the layout! I love that song too; my mother used to play it.
from kokiden :
What!!!! Are you serious!!!! At 19, gaaaaah, I'm doomed dooomed doomed doomed dooomed. I still want Mao too (hangs head in shame and beats out own diseased brains)
from prosperpine :
*applauds**huggles* Yey, Joni Mitchell's great. The thing is, she's had such a long career, the quality of her work varies a good deal. I personally think her earlier albums like 'Blue', 'Court and Spark' and 'Ladies of the Canyon' are the best one. Also, her greatest hits are good. I don't download music myself, so I don't know what songs are available...song titles that spring to mind however are 'Blue', 'River', 'People's Party's', 'Big Yellow Taxi' and 'Carey.' It'd probably be easier to borrow a CD from the library, or I could copy one of my CDs and post it to you when I send your card.
from kokiden :
ha ha, I'm drafting a reply to your letter this morning.
from kokiden :
thanks for the advive. I think I've sent a reply to your letter, I hope so anyay.
from kokiden :
Yay, I got you're letter, I sent my reply on Friday
from prosperpine :
Yes, I remember reading one of your entries about the old man you spoke too...it pays to keep an open mind, I think.
from prosperpine :
"Spotty throat?" - have you tried looking down it with a little-ish torch to see if they's any infection? If they're white/yellow stuff on the back of your throat, it's probably bacterial, but if it's just raised lumps it's most like to be viral. The later's pretty gross looking, but there's nothing the docter can do. Boo. Alway, I hope you feel better soon... :)
from hungryangel :
Seeing more definition in your tummy is always hot and exciting.
from kokiden :
Yes, I got your e-mail, admittedly, I did not recognise the sended at first so I nearly deleted in but now it has all clicked into place *hits self on head for being dumb* I do my post on Saterday so you will probably get a letter from me next week^.^
from ethereal-red :
Oh, but it makes me crazy doing it the healthy way. It takes way too long and there's no way I'm going to eat my meal plan. I'd feel like the biggest pig ever no matter how much I exercised. So I'm starving, and it feels so... me.
from kokiden :
Aaaag, I'm not allowed to e-mail. Damn library computers. Okay, could you e-mail me your address?
from kokiden :
Yes I really would like to write. I'm gonna e-mail you my address. Thanks for caring
from ethereal-red :
That's, well, familiar. Nothing tends to clear up for me either.
from prosperpine :
Heh, I wish I could, but the truth is I'm upset more about being creditted with the WRONG work, in case people think I write that badly! There were 2 essays you see, and our names got switched. *glum* So my name's under the crap essay (harsh but true) and the other girl's is under mine. I bet half the staff at school think I've gone stupid. :(
from ethereal-red :
I had to take myself out of both precalc and chemistry this semester due to my absolute inability to do math. I replaced them with other classes, though. Don't feel bad about dropping the astronomy class. I feel the same way as you do, though- like a quitter. I think it's absolutely pathetic that I can't do pre-calc and chemistry (even though I did well in AP chemistry in high school), and even more pathetic that I failed both classes last year, too. So... I know how you feel.
from hungerwhore :
Aww, you called my diary pretty. :) Your so sweet. Don't worry about dropping the class. That doesn't make you a loser or a quitter. I'm dropping my boxing classes. Sorry your feeling so empty. I hope things look up for you. Lots of love and luck.
from prosperpine :
*hugs* I understand how awful it is when maths pops up in some subject to ruin it for you... the calculations in chemistry have reduced me to tears more times than I want to admit to. Wait to see what your tutor says; it sounds like most of your class are struggling too. You're not a quitter!
from prosperpine :
I know what you mean about the colours; the photo's of the castle, moon and bush aren't edited at all, just sharpened. So beautiful.
from prosperpine :
Thanks for the info. I'm still only toying with the idea at the moment, and I've heard some horror stories about what prozac can do to a person: sucides, self-harm, addition. *grim*
from prosperpine :
*reads today's entry* Bastards! Just remember, God knows what happened, and He'll not let them get away with it.
from slipofagirl :
I'm reading you! I'm not a stalker or anything. :-P
from quiet-soma :
hey =) i'm kailani from tf, i just wanted to let you know that i really like your diary and that i added you to my faves! xxx
from kokiden :
ah, its not HAAD, its AA(H)D
from kokiden :
Really, I'm quite obsessive and have a room full of collections which I don't want to part with. So far, I've collected stamps, cherished teddies, bags, shoes, 3 book series, comics, gamecards, action figures, dolls, fans, kimonos and swords. eEEP that is ridiculous. I'm lucky that I keep my room tidy otherwise someone would make me throw all my things away. I know what you mean by HAAD. I start one thing, then get excited by another, completly forgetting the forst thig that I was doing in the process. If I was 6, I'd definatly have the drugs. Its amazing what you can get away with when your older compared to being a child. I think its becuase you learn sneakyness.
from ethereal-red :
Did you start school yet? I started today. My day was bad, but I have therapy on Thursday, so I'll deal with my crappy days there.
from kokiden :
Oh wow, You've started university too! I'm starting Saterday. It sounds like you're doig great and its wonderful that you've found a good crowd of people. I want to meet people at university but I still want to keep and independant streak. I don't really see myself connecting with anyone since I'll be busy and I prefer evenings in to going out. I was just wondering if you collected cel-art since you also like cartoons (I'm really going to miss mine, I won't have a tv). I have a piece from batman, plus there's another piece which I'm eyeing up. I'll be able to afford it is say, 10 years.
from prosperpine :
*kisses goodbye* Good luck! I'll be praying for you...
from prosperpine :
The Robber Bride's by Atwood isn't it? I need a good novel now that I've finished Rebecca, so thanks for the recommendation. And I see kokiden's been sharing her worrying 'expertese' with you...
from kokiden :
He he, I'm sure he would have thrived in your dungeons (most of my boyfriends do...well, until about the third weeek that is, then you have to use the REALLY big stick) I've read about the paperclips, oooh, that's nasty. I have a needle phobia so I haven't even got my ears done. In fact, when a friend went to get her upper ear done I had to leave because I was gabbling, shaking and had cold sweat running down my legs. I also passed out at the doctors once (he took my blooood!)
from prosperpine :
Ouch, paperclip earings do sound rather nasty... in my thankfully short-lived punk phase I used to wear safety pins through my ears. Euw. Thanks about the photos, btw!
from kokiden :
hello, how are you. had a nice present but kidnapped Frechman suffocated...why do I always forget the airholes?
from ethereal-red :
Fear not, the payment is on its way. I'll mail it on my way back from my dietitian appointment tomorrow. I do love the bracelet, although I broke it on accident. Thankfully, the string remained intact, so I can just re-string it in the exact order that it was originally in. I'm going to re-string it on stretchy string so it won't break again.
from ethereal-red :
Yes, I got the bracelet, and I love it. Is a check okay? I don't have much cash to spare.
from ethereal-red :
Good for you! You CAN.
from prosperpine :
Well, I live in Newcastle, while Ruth (who I'm housesitting for) lives across the River Tyne in Gateshead. As the hospital my workplacement based is in Newcastle city centre, I needed to commute through Gateshead into Newcastle, which can be a looong journey walking or otherwise, owning to traffic. Hense I got lost wandering around Gateshead! But thankfully, I've found a bus that'll take me directly there :).
from prosperpine :
Mmm, Jamie Oliver - my dad has his cook-book, and it is venerable food porn. Also, I LOVE East of Eden, it one of my favourite books of all time; Steinbeck is fablous. Have you read Of Mice and Men? It's one of his most beuatiful and painful books; it made me cry by the climax! I tried to read Sophie's World, but it scrambled my mind somewhat; I'm not much of a philosopher!
from ethereal-red :
Oh, I LOVE Sophie's World! It's so good, especially if you like philosophy! I had to read it for AP European History and I liked it so much that I bought it.
from prosperpine :
No I haven't, but I'll look out for it...
from ethereal-red :
I keep little trinkets, too. My favorite teacher from high school (also one of my biggest support people) gave me a few small but incredibly meaningful things before I went to treatment the first time. One of those things was a pendant of St. Michael, and I haven't taken it off since. That was two years ago. If I ever lost it, or somebody broke it, I would be inconsolable. That little pendant means the world to me.
from ethereal-red :
I'll take the night themed one. I love the moon and stars, and blue is my favorite color. :) You can email me at wall0517@umn.edu with the shipping info. I'll respond to the rest of your note and your entry today when I get home- I'm on a school computer and am about to catch a bus.
from ethereal-red :
Your bracelets sound beautiful. How much are they?
from kokiden :
Being in a dorm must be fun too. I already have a plant though, a bonsai tree. No matter how much I water it the stupid thing just keeps dying. When it comes to plants I definatly prefer the plastic variety
from punkonacloud :
Hey suzza. This may seem completely arb, but I feel like I know you pretty well. You are on my favourites list so I read all your updates and i also know you quite well from tf. i absolutly love your diary and weanted to know you are SO far from boring. The kind of person you are makes everything interesting. I have noticed a change in you recently that i cant quite put my finger on. You suddenly seem more mature or something. Anyay, this is a very important and exciting time of your life (I've just been there) so I can understand your anxiety, especially around weight, but be careful not to overdo it and make yourself sick. The rest of the year could possibly be the best time of your life so far. ENJOY it, and you can count on me to be following all your new adventures. Much love- mel
from kokiden :
Sorry, your going to have to re-type. Sorry to be a bother
from prosperpine :
He he, yeah; I love old sites. It always strikes me that places like America and Canada have NO CASTLES! That seems really weird to me; in Newcastle (as the name suggests) we have a 13th century keep, not to mention medieval and Roman walls. Oh yeah, it seem's you and Ruth (kokiden) are well aquanted. She's such a great girl.
from kokiden :
Aha! Problem sorted. I hadn't turned my e-mail feature on. My mistake, I do aplogise. No wonder the computer hates me.
from kokiden :
Thanks for sending an e-mail. It did not arrive in my e-mail account though which is making me quite paranoid (cyber technology is out to get me, you should see how my printer treets me 0.0) My e-mail is definatly ruth.bolton@talk21.com and I don't mind you mailing at all. I think that you will have to try again, (how fustrating) If it fails again, I'll give you my postal address.
from kokiden :
Gaaah, third note in a row, I swear I'm not stalking you (I don't have the imagintion)...I can't belive you liked 'spirited away' as well. I loved it. It was just so different from standard animation and showed real imagination and flair. Someday, I'll write anamation like that (gets off soap box). Thanks for the advice, I looked an e-bay but all they have are american DVDs and most unfortunatly, my system won't play DVDs with American encoding. How unfair is that, so I have to buy one from Britain with the British code. I really hate the national coding system. The basic idea is to prevent buying media as a foreign import, expecially before it is released. There is software to combat this but I don't have it. Did 'Spirited Away' do well in Canada? It did not do very well in Britain becuase Stupid Finding Nemo with its ruthless advertising campaign overcast it. So not it is considered specialist market, so I have to shed out £20 just to buy it (thats $40 canadian tax pending if my memory serves me correctly. Nevertheless, DVDs and CDs are really expensive anyway, so is going to the cinema costing about £5.50 for a ticket. I remember the golden days of Canada when I could go to the cinema, buy a meal deal and a giant prezal with cinnimon for about £6. In this stupid country that would cost double. Except for the giant bread prezal, they don't francise over here. I'm trying to learn how to make them, it have a very slow sucess rate ^.^
from kokiden :
I'm extremly lucky because my accomodation and tuition fees are being paid by my parents. Most end up in a lot a debt through these costs. I just have to pay my living costs such as food, clothes shampoo, cinema e.t.c. Which should be okay as I buy my clothes from charity stores and can live off low grade rice. I'm also inheriting a large sum of money this july. The main reason that my parents are sending me to work is because I get bored easily but after working as a waitress for four weeks at the metrocentre (that's a shopping centre/mall) everytime I walk in I break out in a cold sweat. It really was that bad. I just can't do menial labour. I like desk jobs best. Having more money woould be nice though, I probably spend it on going to posh tearooms rather than lo-cal snacks though ^.^ I don't find crah dieting much fun. I usually lie around the house ommiting low moaning noises wanting to choke to death on chocolate.*************** Incedently, I have a cousin who lives in Canada (Newfoundland). I've visited twice and been to Nova Scotia. I just love Canada, it is just so clean; the air is fresh, there is so much wildlife an TIM HORTONS is the best thing ever. If I wasn't moving to Japan I'd want to set up a Tim Hortons francise over hear. In fact, I was going to move to Canada a few years ago but then I fell in love with Japan and I've never looked back. Stil intend to visit Canada though, during Japanese summers ^.^
from kokiden :
It's really nice to know that other people watch the stupid little shows that you feel embarrissed about. I have a theory that all intellectuals watch dumb catoons and American stcoms to relax their over taxed-brains. Its a shame that you can't watch any during winter. This year with exam demands, during winter I woud watch only 30 minutes of television each week night then watch about 6 hours of television over Saterday and Sunday. But after April I could watch upto two hours per night guilt-free. I'm a little dubious on marvels theory of the mutent X gene but if there was such I thing I'd want to control the weather like storm so I could wear that long cloak thing. Anyway, for what its worth, I don't think that you are abnormal but rather unique^.^ Its best to be unique because it gives you an extra special something to get through life. If you look at normal statistically it is often found that the normal average will not amount to very much. So perhaps you should take what you consider to be abnormal and play it as a strenght. Who knows what you may achieve (I relised later on that I should have added He-man yu-gi-oh and Fairly Odd Parents to that list ^.^'. Talk about obsessive!)
from prosperpine :
I'm half way through a 2 year course, with exams in both years. My school is evul and makes us start on the second part (A2) right after our AS exams.
from prosperpine :
Yeah, you should GO. Its a good chance to met some people who actually understand what you're going through, and the emphasis on recovery is promising too.
from prosperpine :
I'm intriged about that camp...do you have a website address for it? Just curious...
from kokiden :
Thank you for adding me as a favourite
from prosperpine :
*hee hee* I love chem, but I'm actually quite bad at it; especially in comparioson to the over-achievers who populate the class; there are only 8 in the group, but 6 of them are utter genuises who'll walk into medical school. Yay, history's good. We do all the medieval stuff in opposed to modern history, just to be different really. I did modern history last year, but I actually prefer what I'm doing now. Medieval politics is all Sex and Power. Fun...
from prosperpine :
What's tf? *looks quizical*
from small-one :
heeey! quick question; how in the hell are you accessing tf??? when i use the usual addresss (thinpages), the server can't find it! it's been happening for 3 days now. any suggestions??? thx!
from prosperpine :
*giggles* yeah, my life can be a bit surreal at times. I have to admit to cheating on the pictures' html; imageshack.us gives you the html ready to paste in - that easy! Oh, and the pig...we kind of adopted it....
from small-one :
WTF?! no, really, WTF?! who in the hell was this girl?! did you say anything or did she just walk away like "no big dealio?!" wow. that blows my mind. oh, and screw her anyway! as if you don't have enough of that going on in your own head! how inappropriately rude, hurtful and childish. i'm sorry for that experience.
from small-one :
i'm leaving a {{{HUG}}} for suzza. :)
from bebegracie :
thanks for yhe note, and the advice, I had already kinda guessed it was a scam! lol xoxox
from prosperpine :
I got is at a site called fairydust.tk. Just stick in the html on your template. BTW, what's tf?
from prosperpine :
I've so glad you're having a good time! Hopefully you'll see yourself as b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l as God and everyone else sees you! *kisses*
from prosperpine :
*hugs* welcome to the international language of squeeing!
from small-one :
it will only kill you if you allow such a thing. always remember that, okay? YOU are in control of YOU. ;0) just try, it's all you can ask of yourself. xoxoxo
from prosperpine :
Yeah, it's a really cool set because it's the Newcastle/Gateshead version (where I live), so all the sites are local ones.
from prosperpine :
Love the new layout!
from breathtaken :
conjoined twin, huh? ;-) Have added you to the big three. xxx
from prosperpine :
Haha, I know, it's terrible sitting around waiting when someone you've never met is assessing your academic worth!
from hungryangel :
Congrats on having breakfast and lunch, that's awesome! Your diary is a good read. ~Jasmine, (Chocolate Whore)
from prosperpine :
At the risk of sounding hugely cheesy and annoying, the best way to cope with jelousy is to remember that God made you individually for His pleasure, not as a clone to be evaluated by the material world. Have a look at Psalm 8 v.3-5 Hope this helps.
from celticshadow :
LOL. I've had these jeans for almost four years, and they were from value village then so I'm surprised they've held together this long! I reeeally need new pants.
from small-one :
yo toots. i have been reading you and cannot believe that someone ELSE'S mother relates to them as passive-aggressively as my mother relates to me!!! (not that i'm happy about this, in any way, don't get me wrong) i just thought MY mom was the only one who actually made ignorant comments like, "what went wrong with you?" . . .i'm quite sorry for her anger and i'm sorry she doesn't know what to do with it, but let's be real here, it shouldn't be YOUR problem! but it is. even though it's NOT YOUR FAULT. . .you don't know how to deal with your anger and frustrations properly either (banging, puking, cutting, etc). . .but why would you??? you've had a terrible role model for such things, no? maybe i don't know what i'm talking about but it made me feel better when my therapist told me this same thing! i'm sorry you have to put up with such cruelty. (did i mention IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT?) ;0) much love to you. xoxoxo
from celticshadow :
I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it that way at all. I don't read carefully apparently, I'm so so so so sorry! God, I feel terrible, I honestly didn't mean it that way! Argh, please forgive me! I truly only wanted to echo my love of value village....-_'-
from celticshadow :
Gah, I LOVE VVillage! IT's the ultimate for buying thinspirational clothing...so cheap. You should have bought it. :P
from prosperpine :
Hiya! You left me a note a while back, and I've been following your diary since. You're probably one of the people I most relate to on diary-land; both being bulimic, self-harmers and christians. I hope things are looking up for you :)
from suzza :
Yeah, I'm leaving myself a note. Be good!
from small-one :
i enjoy reading you. also a tfer, though not religiously. also ana, same problem as above. keep writing. xoxoxo
from almostsure :
Thanks for the sweet note! Glad I'm keeping you entertained. I looked through some of your rings and we're in alot of the same ones. Kinda crazy... :) ~anna~
from prosperpine :
Thanks, notes like that really make my day! I'm enjoying looking thru your diary - great layout! I've added you as a favourite :) Ps. I would get a guestbook, but my technical knowledge is severely limited.
from theskystears :
hey hun, thanks for the note :) im doing okay... what about you? i read a few of your entries and well... i must say you remind me alot of myself too. i think we might visit the same forum acctually... anyways ♥ bye
from broken-bits :
Hey, Ive just left two guestbook messages but they arn't showing up so I am gathering that they didn't go through or something along those lines. Anyway I just wanted to say thank you for dropping by my diary, its great to have new people reading it. I just wanted to let you know that I have added you to my list of favs because I have had a read through your diary and I would love to keep on reading :) Oh and im certainally not eating right, I am having one meal a day if that. And I read your 101 entries page you said that your 5'9 and wish you were shorter, Ill do you a deal im 5'6 and wish I was taller so wanna swap :P LOL Anyway have a good day
from glasssnail :
You know... I'm thinking there definitely is something with the year 1986, that screwed us all over. You know... thats most likely.
from awake-under :
Hi suzza, I'm Kailani from TF, I just wanted to let you know I added you to my favorite dairies list. :) Take care, bye!
from hungerwhore :
Try and stay strong, darlin. I've added you to my favorite list. Lots of love and luck.
from floor9 :
There is hope. People do recover from eating disorders. They let go of their fear of food and the control it has over them and even go on to enjoy food and eating. Looks like you are in a pretty tough place right now, just remember not to give up hope. The recovery stuff at h0s really helped me out, you have my prayers. God Bless :)
from dieragnarok :
"Sometimes I feel like people are made of colours and I am bleeding out the edge, and running down the gutter." I love that, its beautiful. I'm going to add you to my favorites.
from just-fine :
Hey, it's cryintherain from tf. Just looking through your diary. I'm going to add you as a favourite and keep reading. If you ever need to talk or vent about whatever feel free to e-mail me or anything. Takecare sweetheart. Claire xoxox

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