messages to swallowthkey:
(click here to add new message):

from valasaurus :
yup, i feel that
from loveherwell :
that is TOTALLY the question that needs to be answered. with my ex, i was so well taken care of and we had such a deep sense of companionship, but i didn't feel it anymore. the world is crazy and our bodies are crazy and nothing makes sense. sigh.
from degausser :
Hey love, how is your mom doing? My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer a few years ago, and I remember feeling like no one knew how to react to me. Like people were either too casual, or too alarmist, too insensitive, or treating me like I was fragile. And every single wrong response was equally frustrating, even though I logically knew that there was no magic right response. I hope you're doing okay <3
from degausser :
Locked! May I have the info? Do you have my email? FB? The 'Gram? Tweet me the deetz? Tumblr....me? Is this embarrassing I'm old.
from bethshort :
I can relate. <3
from se7enchance :
Non-traditional relationships structures feel so rare. You are one of the very few I know (read?) that is also non-mono, like myself. I'm very excited for you. It can be a turbulent road. I hope it works well for you. Judging from your written self-awareness and care, I'm sure it will. ‚ô•
from atwowaydream :
Thank you, darling, and the same to you! I meant to leave a note to thank you for your condolences for Linus IV. You have always been dear to me in this little box-microcosm that we call Diarlyand and I always look forward to your entries.
from linguafranca :
I lost my brother last year. I miss him, although we were not close and I was angry at him. I am sorry.
from boyecho :
also, I'm very sorry as well.
from boyecho :
I do love it there. thanks for the vote! but the job I have here on the west coast is extremely good. maybe in a couple more years
from bethshort :
Your latest entry is heart-breaking and lovely. So sorry for your loss.
from degausser :
I'm so sorry for your loss <3
from the-grey-one :
I'm so very sorry for your loss. <3
from thruthecrowd :
<3
from se7enchance :
Your post-- "Loving you"-- was simple and beautiful and wrenching. And I'm sorry.
from whystinger :
I do want to take another Yoga class, as a refresher. Need to get back into Yoga. I agree about the pets. My love of the pets helped keep me there in the marriage. I am the type where if I picked up a pet myself, I couldn't just toss it away like some people do. I have an acquaintance who will fancy a certain pet, then tire of it and get rid of it, get something different. I could not do that. To her, "they are just animals." To me, they become family members. Funny story - she would rant at me when I would have to travel for work. I would have to leave and the cats would stay away from her until I returned. Her cats would prefer me at many times.
from whystinger :
Never mind about the yoga, I think I had a brain fart. Sorry
from whystinger :
I think I understand about the cats. I am recently divorced and miss the cats. Not the ex-wife, but the cats. I see a rant in the notes about Yoga. I like yoga and would like to get back into it, it HELPED!
from strayrecluse :
just to visit some friends i have out there. where do you live?
from strayrecluse :
i'll be in vancouver and kelowna at the end of august!
from se7enchance :
Hey. Been reading you a while. Normally, I'm a lurker, but this struck me, hard: "i want to be celibate until sex feels like mutual worship again" I'm sorry you've come to feel this way. But very glad you ... understand as it should be. Y'know?
from degausser :
I guess we're lucky to have people who tolerate our own inability to know what we actually want :P I'm frustrated with me now, I can't imagine actually dating me.
from strayrecluse :
i don't think the email notifications have been working so here it is - username: lust password: wander
from degausser :
Just saw your note a few posts down and I am a gemini. I regularly miss being a teenager for the exact reasons you mentioned. I used to have so much alone time and now I have none. I freak out if I don't have enough alone time and I freak out if I feel neglected in a relationship. I don't know if there's actually a realistic attainable balance, or if I'm just a monster who will never really be satisfied with what I have.
from atwowaydream :
I'm sorry someone you care about is also experiencing transphobic bullshit. It's so easy for companies to belittle, invalidate, and harass those of trans* experience without it legally qualifying as discrimination, which is just disgusting. I shake with rage as I even type about it. Anyhow, thank you for your kind words and insight. . . they were very much needed and very much appreciated. Textual hugs to you.
from degausser :
So, so bizarre. I used to think there was a quiet politeness to keeping in touch with old lovers or friends through social media, just kind of keeping them on the back burner to say, "Hey. We don't hate each other. I don't think. Right? We're cool?" But more and more I just want to yell, "I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M FEELING, IS THIS NORMAL? ARE WE FRIENDS? ARE WE EVER GOING TO SPEAK AGAIN? I DON'T UNDERSTAND." Social media has destroyed my understanding of social interactions.
from the-grey-one :
"pinning waves upon the sand" is just awesome. (aries)
from swallowthkey :
to all future note leavers: what is your dominant astrological sign?
from amidstgrace :
I say run with it and be happy :)
from atrandom :
Oh. Whoever you are. You're just terribly beautiful. I'm glad you're alive, and also alive.
from degausser :
What a cruel joke that it's impossible to have the excitement of newness and beginnings while also having the wonderful experience of having a mature (good word choice) love. Because it is wonderful. And if I had to pick between being loved consistently every single day, and the excitement of someone new that most likely would be short lived and full of drama or just fade into nothingness, I would surely pick what I have now. But, that excitement and sense of possibility is so missed.
from degausser :
I've been 25 for a week and I already feel weirder. LIFE, ugh.
from degausser :
I for one love reading about your life. I'm in favor of you doing it more often, if you're so inclined.
from degausser :
Being trusted with someone's emotional well being is fucking terrifying.
from degausser :
I am loving you being so happy. And I love your girl's pictures of you. The love is so apparent that it's making me feel all squishy and giddy and obnoxious. SQUISHY GIDDY AND OBNOXIOUS. I stand by it. You look phenomenal.
from dangerspouse :
That's a very nice picture. I like the soft focus.
from the-grey-one :
oh man. the internet. right? crazy. also. central alberta is where it's at! but yeah. motherfucking internet.
from degausser :
The Internet is a crazy thing. I'm so happy for you! It's amazing how life can change so quickly. I hope this chapter of your life is full of love and adventure and everything wonderful ♥
from degausser :
Thank you. I needed to hear that. So how are you doing lovely? It sounds like you're on a wonderful adventure.
from degausser :
Also please excuse all my typos. Touch screens are not my friends.
from degausser :
Hello what is this magnificence I'm reading? Seriously amazing. Seriously. Did I say amazing? ♥ In regards to my absurd college chronicles, the reason that I'm doing it at all is simply to make me more enticing to some prospective employer someday. My experience is great, but not having a piece of paper in a frame would be put me at the bottom of the pile, sadly. I'm not going anywhere right now, and right now this job helps pays for our cramped second floor apartment, but I would like to move. Out of Connecticut, and to somewhere bigger. Someday. And that will require a new job. Also, I have to say if after all of this I didn't end up with at least an Associate, I think I would have no choice but to crawl under a rock until I finally died of shame. "Remember that time I went to college for 6 years and never graduated? Lulz." The only thing that I've ever seen myself doing was writing, but these days I can't help but worry. I mean honestly, just about anything I've had any real conviction about has turned out to be wrong. My track record is not instilling confidence in me.
from degausser :
Coke or no coke, you're gorgeous.
from degausser :
I love you too sugarboo. I hope the next chapter of your life is full of excitement and adventure and posting on Diaryland so I can read all about it.
from thruthecrowd :
Best of luck on your new adventures!
from degausser :
"writing is something that is so much a part of me that this separation from it has really been indicative of a separation from myself." This. A million times, this. <3
from cymbals :
ditto the comment below. i had forgotten that i addd you but i loved your last entry. to water. x
from the-grey-one :
i just wanted to let you know that i am kicking myself for not having found your diary sooner. i am hooked!
from atwowaydream :
D'awwwww. . . So beautiful.
from elusive-you :
that sounds really, really nice.
from cymbals :
i love diaryland because of the way it connects us to complete strangers, and i love that today i found your diary because you've been saying all the things i'm feeling. all of them.
from akasha90 :
when i read your diary today i related so much to it that it nearly brought me to tears.
from degausser :
Questioning one's own reality is maddening. You'll figure out what's best for you. If you ever need to talk, you know where to find me. ♥
from degausser :
I'm hoping "no one" doesn't apply to lurkers in Connecticut, because....I'm lurking <3. Have you considered therapy as a means to delve into your suspicions? I know with this particular subject, there are a lot of pros and cons about doing so. But if you feel that this lost memory is preventing you from progressing in your life, itís worth thinking about. I love you, lady.
from elusive-you :
you and me both: i am the worst at letting go, and my grudges can go on for unbelievable amounts of time.
from atwowaydream :
Thank you, I've already added her to my Amazon list. Throw me a line sometime, I know how it is to be detached and numb from pretty much everything outside of my house. And sometimes inside, too.
from my-serenade :
I miss you.
from elusive-you :
basically.
from doctorkaysen :
AHHHH YESS. bitter anti-feminists ♥
from elusive-you :
"you are never who you think you are." amen to that...
from breathe-salt :
definitely! mine is for all my geeky fandoms and the pretty pictures i find :) plus my friends in real life all have tumblrs and view mine...i'd NEVER give them the link to this diary, much as i love them. this has been my safe place for almost 9 years now.
from loz-er :
Your most recent entry is one of the most beautiful thing I have read in a long time :).
from elusive-you :
i've been reading you for awhile and just wanted to let you know that i'm hoping you're having a good day. your writing is nice to read.
from breathe-salt :
i will always return, however occasionally...and i'll always check in to see how you're doing! i added you on tumblr- i'm littlefists. my tumblr is very different side of me than my diary here, but that's part of the fun i suppose :)
from deriveazure :
It is astounding how true your supposition is; I began writing in the first place because I had all of these visions in my head, but my stick figures looked like they were suffering seizures. I took up reading and writing as almost an intensive study at that point, trying to learn a viable format to get it all out of me.
from i-lost-sarah :
who throws potted orchids? adding insult to injury, not injury to insult--this person does not have the sequence down. i hope you don't have a concussion. i would send you potted plants if i could. also i have a weak arm and live very far away from most doors.
from boyecho :
4.25. me too.
from degausser :
Well, I'm definitely going to have to read those. They sound very interesting. AND I just went on a manhunt on Facebook for you. Apparently, there is a town called Gilroy in both California and Texas....so they're showing me results for people with the first name Alex, living in Gilroy. .............Seriously, Facebook? Like I would say, "Oh, I'm looking for someone - all I know is that their name is Alex and they live in Gilroy, so I'm just going to go through every Alex. I'm sure I'll find them eventually." Anywho, http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1087680108. That's me. Add mee
from degausser :
The concept of "normal" is a constant worry for me. I used to be very aware that my behavior in relationships wasn't "normal", but I encouraged myself to behave that way. It was intentional and blatant. Being in a serious relationship, I'm like a whole new person. But then as time passes on, I worry that maybe I'm just pretending and I don't even realize it. Maybe I'm so good at playing a part, I don't even realize I'm doing it anymore. What if my most sincere behavior is just an act? And good lord, what if THAT is my normal? Sigh. I thought things were confusing when I was a teenager...little did I know! :P "is there a kind of brutality in not being allowed to know the answer to that, and does that in itself sustain the love?" I think you may be on to something with that. I think that's very accurate of the way I feel. And I know I could never be honest with my partner about those kinds of feelings. But so really, I miss you. How can I stalk you? Are you available for stalking on any social media network? I have to know.
from boyecho :
because i may or may not mention things that could harm my professional life. email me! my name at gmail.
from degausser :
And also...I love and miss you too. We need to do something about that.
from degausser :
The emotional cheating is probably my biggest fear. I feel like no matter how high your sex drive is, anyone can be physically monogamous. Anyone can set those boundaries and stay within them. But the emotional level? For quite some time now, I have been desperately wanting a manual. You know? My car comes with a manual, that says things like, "Well if this light is on, check this other thing. And if that other thing is doing this, then this is your problem." I need a manual. If I knew...if I were sure of anything, I could respond accordingly. If I knew that I was supposed to be monogamous to this man forever, I could do it. If I knew I was supposed to run as far as my legs would take me, I could do it. I could do whatever I was supposed to do, if I ever knew what I was supposed to do. But I don't. I never do, and it is scary, and confusing, and I don't know what's normal. Lately...and by lately, I mean since the summer, I have had this aching inside of me, for my ex-teacher. It comes and goes with varying intensity. This past week has been like having a knife inside me. I can't stop my dreams, and I can't stop my brain from taking a simple thought and running with it. I can't stop the aching. And I don't know if that's normal. I guess I don't know what normal is. But it makes me doubt myself, and it makes me feel like my best isn't good enough. I try to justify, just in my own head. I'll tell myself, it's normal to have wandering thoughts now and then. And I'll nearly convince myself, until I try to turn the tables. I'll try to imagine the situation reversed, and I quickly realize that if my boyfriend were having the kind of thoughts that I've been having, I would be devastated. I would feel so betrayed, knowing that he was capable of this thinking for someone else. So where does that leave me? And what does that mean for me? I wish I could be better, or even just simpler. I guess what bothers me is, what if I change my habits and disposition, and it means nothing? What if my best isn't good enough? What if after everything, I'm still cheating him?
from strayrecluse :
i may go to victoria while i'm there too, but i'm not sure yet. i tend to gravitate to coffee shops and kitschy bars, if you'd like to show me one. <3
from degausser :
Your latest entry got me thinking and made me be honest with myself, at least for a little while. So I wrote an entry about it. Enjoy! :P
from deriveazure :
An addendum: what I just described was polyamory. Not to be confused with slutty, which defines taking without returning, and deceiving. True polyamory is the picture of honesty.
from deriveazure :
It sucks that we live in a society that stigmatizes polyamory so heavily. As a monogamous individual myself, I personally don't think I'm strong enough for a polyamorous relationship. Pulling one off successfully requires a lot of trust, communication, understanding, and complete honesty, and the love that results from that is no less worthy than the love that grows between two monogamous folks. So long as everybody involved is completely clear and in equal agreement of whatever terms are involved, as far as I figure, love is love is love is love. =) Worthy love can be so difficult to come by, and sometimes even more difficult to catch and hold onto; it's a shame our society is so eager to forbid it. What are they afraid of?
from papersails :
I just wanted to let you know I added your last two most recent entries to my favorite entries, and am seriously considering adding your third most entry. My diary is locked... write me a note and I'll give you the password in your notes. I only ask that you delete the note with my password in it once you have the password.
from bethshort :
nothing is permanent. maybe that's what makes so many things seem petty.
from atwowaydream :
Okay, so. My glue will have sparkles and will be eternal or some shit. Also, it might be pastel. I I'm not happy with this at all. Anyhow, I didn't know if anyone else really could understand what I was talking about. I send you much love and hugs and sorry about the whole living situation drama and such.
from degausser :
Oh I've been alright. In the midst of a quarter-life crisis, but other than that, not too shabby. How about you?
from degausser :
Hello!
from raven72d :
how have you been?
from i-lost-sarah :
thank you for your note, and i agree-- writing it down does make it easier, positivity lists feel forced and silly but negativity lists are wonderful :) problems always look much bigger in our heads and much smaller on paper :)
from revokid :
Your paphian dreams are admirable. <3
from atwowaydream :
<-- I've always put myself into the "too damaged" category, as well. But darling, the plentiful damaged and beautiful souls out there waiting to caress your wounds. . . they will flock to you like moths to a southern highway headlight.
from atwowaydream :
I'm sorry you received some bad news too, hun. I send you hugs right back! And you're right, we both have people we love and who will be there for us, and that kind of balances things out.
from atwowaydream :
Well throw the damn key back up. At least for me. ♥
from dinahsoar :
How ironic that your diary is locked. I guess you really DID swallow the key!
from famelicose :
Some people are just insane. Hopefully, everything will work out for you in the end.
from atwowaydream :
we don't even deserve the title of the parasites of this world, because nothing about humanity is insidious. we screw things up and then are pompous enough to believe that when we die the whole world dies. anyway, i've missed you, silly.
from strayrecluse :
feminists and environmentalists kind of have a bad rep with me. i don't enjoy the close-minded policing in anyone, let alone people who are supposed to have a positive effect on the world. i am very open minded and liberal, and don't enjoy people making me feel guilty for not feeling the same way they do. kudos to you for being one to realize that it may have a negative effect on the cause.
from dinahsoar :
Actually, I think you're pretty damn "heavy" for 22! Hardly a mote of ignorance!
from i-lost-sarah :
thanks for letting me know, i needed to hear that too
from atwowaydream :
butterball is just perfect! like a little potato bug.
from wafa27 :
I think your diary is amazing. And the entry ''Just shut up and stop talking'', it is exactly how im feeling right now about me and my boyfriend. and the entry before that too. I know that you don't write absolutely everythng about you in your diary, but reading your diary just gave me an urge to get to know you better :)
from dinahsoar :
Just read "Robot's Denial" and believe you (1) achieved enlightenment, (2) are keeping a lid on your feelings that hold all the energy under the lid, keeping out the painful and the joyful both or (3) I don't have a clue.
from atwowaydream :
i send you textual hugs. ♥
from doctorkaysen :
Thank you! :)
from dinahsoar :
I once heard a question I think is probably the best question I've ever heard. You can apply it to anything and it somehow rings true. It is ... What do you know now that it will take you six months to find out?
from dinahsoar :
Hope you don't mind my reading. The first thing I read was that you don't feel safe, as you don't know who's reading. I found your diary, as you are the friend of a friend of a sort of friend. But please know that I read tenderly and am touched by your brutal honesty. Your diary is translucent.
from atwowaydream :
Will write back soon, it's been hectic here as well. :::hugs:::
from killsoft :
once i found a magnifying glass i enjoyed reading your stuff.
from atwowaydream :
you are probably at school studying, which is awesome. just wanted to let you know that you are missed. :)
from doctorkaysen :
i have had blue hair. deep blue. but not all spotty like a bad dye job. really blue. i highly recommend it. old ladies are surprisingly big fans.
from shoot-down :
"the only thing comforting me about this right now is knowing that in sixteen days i'll be too busy to notice that you're too busy for me." yes, yes, yes. this is stolen from my mind.
from atwowaydream :
i get scared too, but it's this weird masochistic sort of scared. the video is most likely fake as hell, but still, it's freaky to think of anything we can't touch and feel . . . being real. ps: i love the entry you just wrote. very pretty.
from atwowaydream :
Congratulations on the loan approval. :) Take that ambition and never look back.
from raven72d :
purple... good colour.
from atwowaydream :
you're right, helicopters couldn't ever compare to rocket ships. me= inlethaldoses@aol.com keeping my fingers crossed that it's a textual severed ear.
from raven72d :
'sailbat bike' is a lovely entry.
from raven72d :
"Fur" is worth seeing... strange, haunting little film.
from atwowaydream :
vivacity in general always gets me.
from raven72d :
Good dreams... And now I'll be thinking of Nicole Kidman in "Fur"...
from atwowaydream :
At least she wasn't a furious Judge Judy. I would have cried. Also, Nicole Kidman is not so bad for the eyes. Or not so bad on the dreaming alpha waves.
from atwowaydream :
A furious Nicole Kidman could never be a good thing. Did you see what she did to her children in The Others? Plush, she had a vintage shotgun. Never trust a blonde with a shotgun.
from bareorigins :
sometimes you remind me of myself... which is few and far between for me.
from raven72d :
good writing--- thoughtful, smart, witty, dryly funny, melancholy.
from atwowaydream :
all of the best girls are secretly masochistic.
from raven72d :
intriguing writing...
from atwowaydream :
it is beautiful rainbows, not? the way that it is, are we yes? that was my sober attempt at sounding like a drunken retarded yoda so i leave you alone later tonight, when i will be acting like a drunken retarded yoda. if i start writing all backwards and with intense vagueness, please hire someone to blow up my computer. or saturday nights. or star wars. inappropriate? you little bdsm thing, you.
from atwowaydream :
well, then what to do with this electric shock collar? it's not very fashionable.
from atwowaydream :
you should be happy to know that i've installed an electric collar around my neck that shocks me every time i intend to leave you drunk and/or high diaryland notes.
from atwowaydream :
i said "acts like". i will pretend i know what the fuck i was talking about last night. do not ever drink beer when you've had cough medicine, apparently the two don't mix well.
from atwowaydream :
we can't just acts like these things don't exist. i will give you the most beautiful music, as long as you will only give it to me when you feel the most beautiful. see! this is too fucked up, this is exactly what i'm talking about!!!
from atwowaydream :
well obviously, we'd never be allowed to be roommates, because anyone who walked in would be immediately clobbered by books and we'd both be on that show Hoarders. But I would put all the blame on you.
from bibles :
I'm glad you've made that choice and good luck to you!
from smokin8balll :
Wow, u kinda remind me of myself about 7 yearz ago. i used 2 be bad n2 that cutting shitt. One thang 4 sure tho, ya diary ain't boring like most of the crap i read on diaryland.
from atwowaydream :
if you ever want to, email me: inlethaldoses@aol.com (from my suicide days, never bothered to change it). mdma is tricky and right now it's probably screwing with your receptors and serotonin levels. . . i love the concept of it, but in actuality, it can really fuck with your head, so be careful.
from atwowaydream :
you're completely right, the world is acid, and that is insomnia's worst nightmare. i wish there was something i could say or do to make you feel better. leave me a note one time when you can't sleep, because chances are, i'm wide awake watching friggin' Investigation Discovery (which is why i know every serial killer and their gruesome fetish down to the barrel).
from atwowaydream :
i think people who read too much into things tend to be the most interesting people. i mean, it is certainly better than being vacuous.
from atwowaydream :
there's probably no such thing as the perfect vegetarian. if it's not skittles, its jello, if its not jello, it's soup with chicken stock. there's always something that gets us. and yes, of course we'd get along fantastically.
from atwowaydream :
actually, if you read my diary once in a while, you probably know me better than the majority of people in my life, alex. and those candy gluttonous nights sound beautiful, and as long as i can play a moby song or some mazzy star, i'll dance all night. i'm not the kind of person who stops dancing just because the sun is rising. (thank you. . . i feel special now.) :)
from degausser :
things have been....boring. haha. very unlike me i suppose. i work. i go to school. in my traditional way of dysfunction, i'm dating someone 19 years older than me, but we've been together 6 months and it's the most normal, stable, healthy (monogamous!) relationship i've ever been in. 99% of the time i forget we aren't the same age. i still get a little crazy sometimes, but for the most part, i guess i'm just..happy. and consequently very boring :P haha. what about you? what's new, how's it going?
from degausser :
i find i have very little to say these days, or at least very little time in which to say it. however i've decided to try and get back in the habit. here's hoping! how are you?
from atwowaydream :
ack. i had a wee bit too much to drink and thought i was commenting at my girlfriend's diaryland, because apparently i have very little sense of direction after midnight while screwed up. my sincere apologies.
from atwowaydream :
i'm a bad person but perhaps i still love you.
from atwowaydream :
certainly, muse does this song called "resistance" and i have more than enough to say but you are not nearly drunk enough. i cannot fake it. i am probably the most dominant female i know. like. . . it's not something that can be explained.
from atwowaydream :
wow. i can completely understand the two prerequisites for a relationship: love affairs with books and the ability to drop acid (e is certainly acceptable) without curling in a corner and talking about jesus all night.
from degausser :
oh, hey. :)
from atwowaydream :
i think we both love absolute fearlessness.
from atwowaydream :
you're so right about implosion. it's dangerous and beautiful, i mean, isn't it always gorgeous to see something come undone? and then watch it come back together again?
from atwowaydream :
honey, you do whatever the hell you want, because, as you mentioned, when you're eighty you don't want to feel as though you've only lived to be twenty. Date whomever, bind whatever, love whomever. No one can take that away.
from swallowthkey :
locked email me at teardownthedawn@hotmail.com for the password.
from my-serenade :
you're adorable =) so in love!
from deriveazure :
One day, find a sunset on the horizon, the sun spilling bleeding beauty all across the sky, red and orange and intense and lovely. Then turn your back to it, and watch the other side of the sky dying, touched by semi light that doesn't actually reach anything, illuminate anything. Or sit inside before the sun starts to fall with the lights out and blinds open, and watch the colors die. October seems to be the time when the sunsets stretch, elongate their periods of half light and come earlier than you're ready for them. So either October's light drives people mad and the problems follow, or it's some gigantic cosmic joke of a metaphor. Take your pick. =P
from breathe-salt :
if you're surrounded by people that make you happy, then that's all that matters in my book. <3
from shoot-down :
I'm wishing the best for you, you are the only one who knows what is best.
from badinage :
"like a serrated knife, sharp and disrupted." -- brilliant.
from wtng4lezlie :
Your last entry made me cry. =/
from deriveazure :
Hey, I noticed that you had me as a favorite diary, and so I stopped by to give you a read. It seems that, at a few key parts, our stories are rather alike. Best of luck to you in all things, and I'll be stopping by more often, certainly.
from raven72d :
transparent but still mysterious... i like that.
from sunfuck :
He He He. name: LOCK pass: KEY !!!
from raven72d :
18 June 09... another intriguing entry.
from raven72d :
19 May 09... I wonder so much about the backstories here...
from raven72d :
i like thinking of reading you and (I hope) having you read me.
from raven72d :
suburbanites and mennonites... i like that line.
from raven72d :
neurotic is...what defines us.
from bethshort :
the best people are always neurotic.
from lobo21 :
I like to wander by from time to time. I guess it's about time I said "hi". Your entry about trying for four years to live without wanting someone hit home for me. Hope you don't mind if I find my way back here again sometime. Thanks.
from raven72d :
Holly Brook. I like Holly Brook.
from raven72d :
there's so much backstory to your entries...
from raven72d :
glitter... yes.
from raven72d :
hmmm...the music that haunts you, that calls up memories.
from rigbyeleanor :
i have to wonder what it is you feel and why are you panicking? there is no fear in love so it can't be that, can it? and thank you for the add.
from raven72d :
tell me about the music in your head...
from raven72d :
that's an arresting image... still, i like bottle rockets.
from raven72d :
how have you been?
from raven72d :
i loved the 29 jan entry...
from shoot-down :
thankyou! :)
from shoot-down :
stars<3 can i read, still? user/pass please, love.
from swallowthkey :
username: rockinghorse password: lookingglass
from raven72d :
anytime. i hope to be reading along with you.
from raven72d :
"On Reading"... great entry.
from atwowaydream :
"a twinkling universe of madness and movement" --utterly beautiful.
from bethshort :
beautiful writing.
from bi-pet :
i'd like the password, too. blue-hour@web.de
from swallowthkey :
if you'd like the password, send me an email at tarynheart[at]gmail[dot]com <333
from becomingmoms :
i think the ocean's for you. i think you should go. in spite of it all, you trust your heart.
from breathe-salt :
"beneath the surface overactive synapses fire shots at the opposing team bringing down cerebral walls." -> aahh, i do love your poetry so very much. <3 (& is it really your birthday? happy bday, doll.)
from breathe-salt :
girly, i hear ya. i have a real problem with people/situations in my life that i can't analyze to death or make sense out of.
from breathe-salt :
i'm so sorry taryn. you're strong. <3
from achmardi :
I feel exactly the same way. I've read Frankenstein twice now, and was in complete awe both times.
from stefan :
i do! where should i work?
from breathe-salt :
what she said. <3
from misfitstray :
would i be allowed to read further on, please? If so, please email to bcrk19 AT yahoo DOT de
from breathe-salt :
oh my god! taryn! the first thing i did was click on your archives and damn near squealed when i saw all those lovely entries that i plan to catch up on when i have a break between classes. so glad you're still here. <33
from permeation :
hi. i've just emailed you the pw to my old place. do come by. ps - it's so cool you have gregory and the hawk in your favorites. i know, literally, one other person who likes them/her. xx
from sunfuck :
haha thanks for the advice. yeah, i thought about it, but i'm kind of miserly and you have to go through a lot of pot to make the butter. but then again i guess it's better than it just sitting there, lonely and not fulfilling its christmas promise!
from thatgirlx :
You're not the only one shedding a lot of tears. I'm making myself sick with worry, too. Even got the same phsycial shit going on...especially the back thing, I've got chronic muscle spasms around my neck and shoulders and they're so fucking painful. Hang in there babe. ♥
from degausser :
get a massage. life's short. the person might be hot ;)
from becomingmoms :
DEFINITELY get the massage! there should be no question!
from boyecho :
here's to hiding. to pretending.... cheers.
from degausser :
i haven't been on here in awhile, so i'm catching up. but i just wanted to mention the fact that i think you're gorgeous. and i have fantastic taste in humans. =)
from crazyxitna :
You can be one of those girls! =) I was in your same place forever thinking that I wanted sooooo badly to be THAT girl, but hating that I wanted it at the same time becasue it seemed so shallow to me to want that. Basically all it took was for me to stop caring about ever being THAT and having EVERBODY like me and just be comforatable being ME. But I know that's a lot eaiser said than done.
from john-gerrard :
i'm hoping it's just a matter of time
from boyecho :
glowworm. aw. aslkfhasklhgalhgasdf. and i know what it's like to be in love with songs. their creators. the music.
from degausser :
i hope your trip is AMAZING. tell my people i said what's up :D.
from degausser :
weehee! i no longer feel depressed. i feel like leaving everyone notes. i might.
from wastecoat :
I'm expecting to see those pictures of Ireland when you return. Your pilgrimage to the isle is going to be too beautiful to miss out on.
from shoot-down :
honey, i hope things get better!
from degausser :
ME TOO! hahah. good for us.
from degausser :
this black shit depresses me. diaryland is supposed to soothe me, not make me feel like i'm 15 again. can we complain? like, "i have been on this god forsaken website long enough to have some say in it's color scheme. normally i would be pleased to leave you a comment, with it's nice little yellow box and lavender surroundings, but now i feel awkward and disgruntled. help! andrewwwwwwwwwww
from wastecoat :
Make sure your tits stay proportionate and take a nice healthy shit every day.
from degausser :
i know exactly how you feel.
from shoot-down :
haha that's good, go somewhere you know. i love my snakebites, and i think i want to put rings in for a bit. i'm bored though, i dont know if i want my septum done or not. i want my tongue done but it's so skanky and all that crap that comes with it..ew.
from degausser :
hahahaha thanks. i love you too. i'm still laughing about my night ahah. love my life.
from dry-mermaid :
*Blushing.* I thought there was no way anyone would find my diary. My entries always end up being longer than I thought but saying less than I wanted them to. What was your first choice university?
from shoot-down :
i have both sides of my lip pierced and i actually adore it and i cant wait to get more. i wish i had more time to get more. more lip room so it wouldnt look weird haha. i love piercings, they're addicting. with the right piercer of course! goodluck
from dry-mermaid :
I'm glad my first fan is a good read too so I can return the add without just being reluctant. Woo.
from boyecho :
i've never kissed the person i love the most dont tell......
from degausser :
ooh i want details! i'm enjoying myself. i hope you are too. do you have my phone number? i'll facebook it to you in case aha.
from degausser :
hahah yes i assumed so. i made out with that boy hahah. i wish i weren't such a sketchy character, and could be like, "hello friends, i'm going to make out with that boy." instead of having to sneak off. but that just wouldn't be me aha. if possible i would like to sleep with him. and, i miss old school dland too. a lot. so much has changedd. i don't know what that means, but i know it has.
from boyecho :
hello again
from my-serenade :
oh yay you've taken me along =D

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