messages to swordfern:
(click here to add new message):
| from jimbostaxi : |
| My daughter who works here said the same thing!! Lol |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| Yeah, but there are a million other women here, let's not say I learned my lesson just yet! Lol xo |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| xxx |
| from orangepeeler : |
| Having gone through same, I think of you often, and of how hard it is to wait and hope. Sending you my best wishes. Xx |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| Awwww your note was so sweet. I wanted to believe in love so much I overlooked all the things everyone else saw. We had fun but in the end, I think we just wanted different things and there is nothing wrong with that. My life continued after losing my Fran and most certainly will continue after Maria. I still believe in love and I'm not giving up! Thank You so much for dropping in to spread some sunshine xoxo |
| from orangepeeler : |
| Thank you for your kind note xx |
| from loveherwell : |
| it is so lovely to be seen and understood (though i am sorry you can relate). i am still here and reading every time you updating, and hoping every time you start with "month..." that we'll be able to jump with joy for you. i am always hoping that the things you hope for come true. <3 |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| There are many flaws in this Maria adventure but the one thing I will admit is she has motivated me to be alive again. If Maria left and never spoke to me again I would still owe her. I have another chance at life,,,, I will never forget that,,,, xoxo thanks for the note! |
| from msafire : |
| Beautiful writing. You rock girl! I feel so empowered just reading of your strength. Envious of your friendship with Shawn who's wife drops you off. I have a friend who goes on long bike rides and we talked of riding together and then I pulled a muscle, and fell in love and have this wonderful boyfriend and think the friend may not want to ride with me... and well, would love to just be a friend with a fellow bike rider who could go on long mountain rides. Glorious! |
| from noregularman : |
| Not that I have ever been in a ski chairlift, but if I ever was, I wouldn't take anything anyone said to me in a ski chairlift to heart :) |
| from musikoid : |
| It was only a dream. |
| from orangepeeler : |
| "Everything is going to be okay. I know how to do this." xx |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| Awwww,,, you are so very sweet! Now you got me tearing up as I enter the job. Lol. Thank you! Xoxo |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| Happy New Year! Yes, I'm all for more car fun and less work :) ❤️❤️thanks for the note! |
| from jarofporter : |
| happy holidays to you as well! :-) |
| from raven72d : |
| Best wishes for 2024! |
| from noregularman : |
| 21/12 - re your last entry,i'm not sure any man could fully understand what you are going through but I do feel for you. If I could say anything it would be to try and not let it upset you, try not to let it get you down, and above all don't give up. Best wishes for Christmas and the New Year x |
| from whystinger : |
| Sounds like you are doing well and lots has happened. |
| from musikoid : |
| I went through a period about twenty years ago when I lived in ten or twelve different cities in rapid succession. it was right after my Mom died. (Not that I had lived with Mom prior, but I was emotionally dependent on her, and I became very scattered after her death.) I've lived in this present town for over seven years now however, and it's pretty nice. (Getting older, wanting to settle down.) Glad you get so much exercise--I presently own a Nishiki Prestige race bike. It was a gift from a friend, and I'm jazzed. |
| from sparkle-pink : |
| ty!!!!!!! It's a major relief. Willard is the sweety sweet doos and it is too early for him to go. Let us hope he stays cancer free! |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| Woo hoo! You're here - I see you! xx |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| Thank you :) xo |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| Awww thanks! Abbey is adorable and it was my pleasure to chronicle our adventures for others to enjoy as well. I'm Sure when little Sophia or Noah comes along they will be just as sweet as you are! Have a great day! Xoxo |
| from browndamask : |
| Re: your 10/27/23 entry - This all made my heart happy. So excited for you. The land surrounding the new house sounds especially lovely. Glad you’ve got a partner like Russell and glad you’ve got a friend like Shawn. I think back on the notes we exchanged re: platonic male/female relationships from time to time. Thankful I’m not subject to that incredibly limiting mindset, that myth that those relationships don’t really exist. I’d have missed out on some wonderful friendships otherwise. |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| 28/10 I'm so happy for you both - a creek! Forest! xxx |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| Hugs and love xx |
| from life-my-way : |
| Sending hugs and well wishes. XO |
| from sparkle-pink : |
| haha thanks. That actually means a lot coming from a great writer like you. Your entries are poetry. |
| from lust- : |
| Thanks, Shannon🤎 |
| from browndamask : |
| Sounds like all is well, though busy. Always glad to see you’ve updated. |
| from narcissa : |
| So happy for you. Loved to read all your updates 🩷🩷🩷 |
| from musikoid : |
| Children can be a blessing but are also a huge responsibility. It's good you see you can be happy either way. All the Best. |
| from loveherwell : |
| it sounds like you're in a perfect place where your life is full and lovely no matter which turn it takes. so exciting for you, whichever way the universe goes! |
| from zenayda : |
| I didn't care for the site when my ex-hub proposed. It was at the Legion of Honor in San Francisco, on a bench with a view of the Golden Gate. There with cars whizzing by and there was trash strewn about the area. We were walking from the car to the and I had said, "Oh, look, you can see the bridge from here." He said, "Oh, you like this sight/site? Let's sit down." I sat, he knelt, and all I could think was, "Someone needs to pick up this trash." Then he asked. No speech that I can recall (thank goodness, I cringe at the thought), although I wasn't surprised because we had talked about getting married a year and a half before, and the ring was something I had pointed out in the early months of our relationship. He said he was going to do it on a horseback ride in Half Moon Bay a couple of days earlier but his horse wasn't cooperating. Meh, we were on a ride with a group, so I don't see how that would have worked anyway. Still, I probably knew then, by the way my focus was elsewhere (on trash) and how I felt no real joy, that I should not have married him. Seems to me the only thing that should have mattered was that a man I loved was asking to spend the rest of his life with me. I should have been tearful with happiness, not thinking about how there was trash nearby. (One reason I wouldn't want a public proposal. It should be just us, no one else to intrude, either cars going by or reminders of other humans like the garbage they pollute the earth with.) You know your relationship and feelings better than I ever could, but that your first reaction was negative seems like maybe you're not all that into marrying him. Seems like you are still emotionally and sensually investing in other men like Shawn and a few others you have written about over the last couple of years. Again, you and I are different, but when I love a man, I don't spend time with new men, much less alone, or share emotional intimacies with them, wonder what it would be like to kiss them, notice the details of their bodies, etc. as you have written about here. Beats me. I don't mean to offend. |
| from orangepeeler : |
| Ah, congratulations?! And good luck with the re-proposal?! My second and current husband did not propose to me. We kinda just knew that we were getting married. When we went to California to tell my parents we were engaged, I didn't see the ring (which we chose together) for ages. We went up and down the coast of California, into the most stunning places, but the ring was not presented until the second-to-last day of the trip, when he got down on one knee in my brother's former bedroom and finally gave it to me. Ha! And when my father saw the ring on my finger, he asked me if I wanted a bigger one. (It's actually a decent size, but oh well.) Reality of course never meets one's expectations. |
| from lust- : |
| Sending you both love. I hope it feels right and I'm sure I'm not the only one looking forward to reading about how the second proposal goes!🤎 |
| from musikoid : |
| Wow. Yes I think you are going to be okay. Congratulations. |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| xxx |
| from catsoul : |
| 8.30.2023 Wow. So much that you had to take-in. Such complicated feelings. You do you. Be true to yourself. Moments come. Moments go. Some moments stay in a forever love. Peace. =^..^= |
| from browndamask : |
| Oh, friend! I’ve been waiting for an update. I hope this is the beginning of an amazing new chapter for you. My own engagement was bungled and anticlimactic, but I’ve come to realize that it was just one moment in time - a footnote in a relationship full of enough good moments to crowd out the disappointment of that one. |
| from warpednormal : |
| oooof complicated :( did it come out of nowhere? like without any discussion? i'm sure it'll all be figured out eventually xx |
| from life-my-way : |
| Love and well wishes. Complex stuff, this, your wisdom and discernment will guide. XO K 8/25 |
| from life-my-way : |
| Love and well wishes. Complex stuff, this, your wisdom and discernment will guide. XO K 8/25 |
| from kelsi : |
| If there's one thing I know, it's that you gotta listen to your gut, whatever it tells you. If there's another thing I know, it's that you're strong and smart and brave and you deserve a beautiful life. <3 |
| from alethia : |
| Feelings are complicated and wonderful and terrible. Hope you figure out your heart. |
| from browndamask : |
| Wow. Hoping you find some peace and clarity with the situation. And congrats? |
| from dangerspouse : |
| Congrats...maybe? |
| from browndamask : |
| The rational part of my brain knows I not an asshole (eh, most of the time). I went out for a drive and then read for a while after he went to bed. Nice little reset. Hope you are feeling better after your accident. |
| from loveherwell : |
| i'm glad you're okay!! |
| from browndamask : |
| I so glad it wasn't worse. I'm so glad you've got a Russell. And I'm so glad you write on here. I've always loved your writing and these little snippets of your life. |
| from alethia : |
| Oh dear. Hope you're doing okay. |
| from narcissa : |
| oof. hope you mend soon. |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| Yikes. Hope you're OK now. Glad to see it hasn't affected your writing ability! xxx |
| from zenayda : |
| What happened? Are you okay? |
| from orangepeeler : |
| Crap! Take care. Hope you recover soon. xx |
| from sparkle-pink : |
| oh dang I hope you're okay |
| from browndamask : |
| No! Sorry to hear it! Hope your recovery is speedy! |
| from catsoul : |
| 7.18.2023. I hope you are all right. I am concerned. What happened? Take Care. =^..^= |
| from sparkle-pink : |
| ty for the insight. |
| from browndamask : |
| It's a lesson I wish I had learned much earlier in life... as evidenced my *many* of my entries. If I had just left things platonic we would probably still be friends. I would trade the friendship and emotional intimacy a million times over for the short time we were romantically involved. Terrible experience. 0 out of 10 stars. |
| from browndamask : |
| “It’s a weird thing to have come to love someone and be entirely okay with it never resolving into anything more.” This sentiment feels like the reverse of my recent entry (about fucking things up with my best friend). Why do platonic male/female relationships amongst cis-het people seem so fraught? Like, queer people manage ALL THE TIME. Why do we make it so hard? In the end, if you find someone who gets you, why make it weird? (Really just speaking from personal experience here). |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| Thanks for your note! Yay! I replied on Instagram x |
| from kelsi : |
| Hope the iceberg turns out to be a molehill <3 |
| from sparkle-pink : |
| yeah she's a hosebag but she treats my dad very well and he seems to be happy with her so. btw i hope it's nothing. |
| from orangepeeler : |
| Oh dear. I hope it's nothing. xx |
| from zenayda : |
| YIKES! Fingers crossed for something minor like a sebaceous cyst run amok. |
| from loveherwell : |
| i hope it turns out to be nothing! |
| from browndamask : |
| Oh! I hope it is indeed nothing. Sending positive energy your way. |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| Yikes. Holding you in my thoughts till you get results through.xx |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| I have a solution! I'll start planning for my next vacation! :) Thanks for the note xo |
| from browndamask : |
| I fucking hate that feeling. |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| Sent more pics |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| Sent you some pics :) |
| from browndamask : |
| I'm very invested in your unlikely friendship. As always, love your writing. |
| from alethia : |
| I just saw your note, though it's been a few days. This bullshit aside, if you ever do feel like meeting up for a beer, I'd be interested. I'm curious to put a face and a voice to the blocks of text. |
| from kelsi : |
| Thanks! I'm so glad it's done :) |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| I feel like it's a greenish blue but he never told me. Lol. |
| from alethia : |
| It's been almost a year. I feel like I shouldn't be having all this uncertainty still, but what do I know. I'm not great at romantic relationships. (I'm great at friendships, though! The romance part is what trips me up.) |
| from oatmealjoey : |
| i will not move on |
| from oatmealjoey : |
| help me, diary land owes me money |
| from browndamask : |
| that is possibly one of the kindest compliments anyone has ever given me. i know i am always happy to see your updates! |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| “That was her magic- that she could see the sunset on the darkest of days” Atticus This a small poem that made me think of the “eternal brightness emanates from your soul.” xoxo |
| from catsoul : |
| 5.31.2023. How lovely to be told how you have an eternal brightness emanating from your soul. Just fabulous. Peace. =^..^= |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| Awwww you are too sweet! :) A book of poems would be most true to my heart but I couldn't read that around strangers. Where would my tears go? The staff would have to rush over to console me :) what's wrong with the new guy? Nothing it's just this book of poems is so darn good! :) xoxo |
| from thruthecrowd : |
| Yes, that's exactly how I'm feeling. :( |
| from kelsi : |
| Smoke was bad here for 3-4 days but has cleared out, thankfully! And we were just on the edge of it so not really "bad" at all - it looked like a nightmare in Alberta. Hope the ocean winds mostly kept it away from you! |
| from catsoul : |
| 5.19.2023. Hi. Thank you soooooo much for your caring and words of support. I agree with you. =^..^= |
| from zenayda : |
| Oh, yes, I do think child-rearing changed from the 1970s to the 1980s. The 80s were when women really came into their own in the workforce, and it was when a lot of Gen-Xers were latchkey kids. Latchkey kids had to fend for themselves in the kitchen after school, make sure their chores were done, etc., because there was no one there to cook for them or nag them into doing what they were supposed to. If they didn't cook, they went hungry, and if they didn't do their chores they got in trouble when their parents got home. Or, that was my experience, at any rate. Perhaps the bigger difference is between men who had stay-at-home moms and men whose mothers worked, because both my ex-BF and ex-hub were Gen-Xers, but their moms stayed home and did everything for them, so they expected that of women in general. |
| from loveherwell : |
| thank you for your lovely notes. it is so lovely to see how you make such an impression on everyone around you, to see how much you're able to connect with others. that's so, so valuable. |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| Lol, I’m going talk to her when I get home about mountain bikes :) better to start early right? Xoxo |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| As requested the photo has been sent :) |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| Would you like to see if you can pick Abbey out of a group shot I took of the grandkids? let me know I will send it to your Dland email :) |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| A very thoughtful note! thank you! :) She said to tell Swornfern hello back:) “Grace to amend the past” Yes, I agree with that statement it's just I can't help but feel I didn't do enough. A kind of survivor's guilt idk what am saying. Who has the money or time for therapy Lol |
| from browndamask : |
| I always enjoy your writing. Even when I am silent for long periods I come back to visit my buddy just. |
| from narcissa : |
| i love celery so much. Currently eating a celery, parsley and fennel salad with lemon. I had hardly anything fresh for the last 3 weeks. |
| from musikoid : |
| Thanks for expressing appreciation on my note. (I was wondering if you'd seen I was following.) On the bike, I was riding it 22 miles a day to and from work last year, weather permitting. I got addicted both to riding and to the particular trail. It was cool seeing the same people ride by at the same times--including the editor of the news site I write for. Once I get situated in my new apartment, I'll start riding again. (Too many hills where I am now.) |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| Yes, me too xx |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| While Abbey shreds the trails with you I need a beginner's trail nearby. Also, tie trails need to be near a 4-star hotel! Well, 3 stars are fine too! Lol. I guess I better invest in passports for us both :) |
| from musikoid : |
| You're making me want to break out my bike. It's a Topanga Diamond Back, I got it for $150 with a helmet and lock at the Bike Collective. |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| I'll have to postpone my baby shower gifts for now but someday soon you might have to think about a little bike with training wheels following you on those trails. Sending much love xo Thank you for the note :) |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| I told Abbey about my page and that she's famous Lol. She and I send love and hugs your way xoxo |
| from musikoid : |
| Hoping for the best, for you. |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| hugs xx |
| from narcissa : |
| Xox |
| from catsoul : |
| 5.2.2023. You know, I and the collective 'we' who read your beautiful words are here to support you while you wait. You are strong. Peace. =^..^= |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| Wow, we are waiting in the wings and got your back xoxo |
| from papotheclown : |
| And we wait with you and support you whatever happens. |
| from warpednormal : |
| <3 thank you! congratulations on your new job xx |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| Lol, it is cool that we are both moving on! Yes, I agree the future feels brighter than it's ever been. Xoxo |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| I'm glad everything is flowing well at your new job. I'm happy you are happy :) xoxo |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| 15/04 I'm so glad things are working well for you in your new post. What you say about those inner voices is SO FAMILIAR to me and is why I am investing so much money in really good therapy which is slowly chipping away at them. We're good people, you and me, good workers, good friends, great writers (!) and we deserve to live out the rest of our lives with some inner peace. Hugs x |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| For a while, I didn't know if I could share this part of my journey. There is so much uncertainty and all these new variables are beyond my control. I am at the mercy of many and they control my fate. All I can do is try and hope for the best. I always love reading your blog and I'm in awe of how you write. I kneel before the Diaryland royalty that you are and am your humble servant. Xoxo |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| Thinking of you! Xoxo |
| from loveherwell : |
| congratulations on the new position!! it is so clear that you are good at your job and that you care about those around you. it is so hard to leave one place for another, but trust your gut and know that you made the best decision for you. |
| from zenayda : |
| Might you kindly clone yourself and send your clone to take Miranda's job? |
| from papotheclown : |
| I'm such a big fan of your writing that anytime I get a compliment from you I feel over the moon. Or rather, like I'm riding a bicycle through rain and cherry blossoms. Thank you. |
| from orangepeeler : |
| Ooh! The aurora borealis, lucky you! xx |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| 24/03/23 I love this post. xxx |
| from sparkle-pink : |
| thank you very much. I worked so hard! |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| Well, if that happens I will plan a trip to Canada to give you your part. If I win everyone wins. I would rather share my blessing than enjoy it alone. So wish us luck xoxo |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| I know it's hard to believe any of it's real. With my luck tomorrow, I will step off a curb and get hit by a bus lol Thanks for the note xoxo |
| from narcissa : |
| omg winter snorkeling?? so dreamy. |
| from zenayda : |
| Thank you so much, my friend. Your compassion and support mean a lot to me. |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| Ugh, covid? It wasn't me! Feel better and thank you for the note! Xoxo |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| I don't know if that email I sent went to your spam folder but I will always be Jimbostaxi here and probably in my mind too. I'm going to try something new and if I fail least I tried. The thing I don't want to do is defeat myself without even trying. Wish me luck xoxo |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| I sent a note to your email :) |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| Karma? Lol. Honestly, I'm not the ghosting type but I'm learning that is how it is out here. They don't know each other but you could be right. Xoxo |
| from warpednormal : |
| ah reading your entries definitely makes me miss home. I'm also just about to embark on the disaster that is Vancouver real estate so I feel you pain!! |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| Awww! Thank you! :) |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| 2/24/23 my grandson arrived today! 10lbs 3 ounces! |
| from noregularman : |
| Thank you for the note. I fear the curse of 'The girl who's name ends in the letter A' will dictate the outcome of my chance encounter. It has done so many times before. But you never know :) |
| from zenayda : |
| Thanks, my friend. I'm still processing it, but think that ultimately I will be okay. Sad to hear that real estate people appear to be as bad in Canada as they are here. I'd have been hard-pressed not to demand stratisfaction. (I'll show myself out now.) |
| from papotheclown : |
| That means so much coming from you. Thank you. |
| from lust- : |
| That's super exciting about the property hunting, but I understand the exhaustion of the search. Hope you both find your dream home soon so you can settle into a new journey together. |
| from alethia : |
| So what I'm hearing is...when it comes time for me to finally buy some real estate, I need to take you along with me. :D |
| from loveherwell : |
| thank you!! :) |
| from jarofporter : |
| that would have been most welcome, as i could've done with even a little support. thanks for the note, and the sentiment. |
| from lust- : |
| Thanks for the note, Shannon. Disappointing indeed. |
| from zenayda : |
| YEOUCH! So sorry to hear about your sudden smooch with the tree. I hope you heal quickly! (But no one needs to see my trauma on me. *I* don't need to see my trauma on me, hence all the lasers.) |
| from lust- : |
| Ouch! Sending healing vibes. Definitely thinking about what you said about if our private traumas were out in the open. It would be telling in more ways than one, especially in terms of showing who has the capacity to care and give support. |
| from orangepeeler : |
| Oh my. Wishing you a swift recovery xx |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| Yes, all that K said below from me too. Also, when I got a bit battered by the waves in October and my face was bruised, people kept giving me looks of pity, as if my story of the waves was made up to conceal the fact that He had beaten me. I hope you're not getting that and that you heal quickly - arnica cream is good for bruising. xxx |
| from life-my-way : |
| Oh dear Shannon, I love you so much and am beyond grateful that you're my digital friend. Hoping you find comfort in the application of frozen peas to your bruisy face and imagining a world where we display our inner boo-boos so they can be loved away. Like I love your name in red, and that's a lot. XO K |
| from loveherwell : |
| yeah, i am definitely trying to work through it and figure out what i need to do better (a lot of things) and how to manage my expectations. we will figure it out together :) |
| from loveherwell : |
| i was about to type exactly what lust- said: looks like you've found your calling :) |
| from lust- : |
| It sounds as if you've found your calling. Thank you for sharing the joy it brings. It's beautiful to read about. |
| from noregularman : |
| thank you for the note, you are too kind. My html is not what it once was. Enjoying reading your tales from the piste. |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| Lol, we have all done that! Most of the time it's the same group of people leaving notes right on top of each other so it's easy to sneak a peak. Lol Thank you so much for thinking of us and leaving a note. Hopefully, Francisco will arrive soon so this old man can catch a nap. :) I will keep you posted. Xoxo |
| from narcissa : |
| 2/2/23: thank you : ) i didn't think it was a big deal, honestly. But also the wedding part eggghhhh. And yet it seems nice to gather everyone for something that is not a funeral. |
| from orangepeeler : |
| <3 <3 <3 |
| from sparkle-pink : |
| Thank you for your note. I was really concerned about infecting my Mom. Feeling better now. |
| from zenayda : |
| I sent you the new UN/pass combo from my AOL. |
| from musikoid : |
| The comment felt like a microaggression around how a woman *should* look." I can get that, especially if your dad had criticized the way you looked or dressed, that it was not "womanly." |
| from musikoid : |
| I just read "Messy Hair.' Wow - I would have probably laughed to, but inwardly I'd either have been embarrassed or angry or both. |
| from papotheclown : |
| Your last post was beautiful and heartbreaking. The chandelier under the bridge. Everyday life in our strange hellscape. Thank you for being you in all of it. |
| from lust- : |
| Thanks, Shannon. That means a lot.xo |
| from musikoid : |
| Lovely indeed ;) |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| Thanks! I love her too! :) |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| ❤️❤️❤️❤️👍 |
| from jarofporter : |
| thanks for the note :-) |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| Well, who could resist that angel face of yours? :) my guess is nobody! Xo |
| from sparkle-pink : |
| Thank you!!! |
| from sparkle-pink : |
| Happy new year!!!! Today was better thanks to better students and me not stopping anywhere after work lol. It is such a relief because now I don't panic about not doing a good enough job. Boss doesn't like how I taught the lesson, TOO BAD it is what it is. This doesn't mean I'll stop trying, but I'm not worried about it anymore. |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| Awwww, bless your big heart! Right back at you Shannon! Hope you had a great New Year's Eve! Xoxo |
| from jarofporter : |
| thanks for the NYE message - you & anna were the only ones to contact me, and i appreciate it! hope you get to ring in the new year among friends/good people! |
| from catsoul : |
| 12.26.2022. Gee SwordFern, sorry to read that your Christmas Eve/Christmas Day wasn't that good. You do whatever you need to do to survive and be at peace within yourself. =^..^= |
| from jarofporter : |
| thanks for the note - hope your holidays are going well! |
| from musikoid : |
| Intriguing. (Revelstuck) |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| Sending big hugs to you on this Christmas Eve! Thinking of you! Xoxo |
| from musikoid : |
| That was a great entry, 'Grouse Mountain.' It leaves the reader with a real sense of your having come home. |
| from narcissa : |
| *"unusually catastrophic. That flooding was not an everyday occurrence. |
| from narcissa : |
| *"unusually catastrophic. That flooding was not an everyday occurrence. |
| from narcissa : |
| 16 dec: in fairness to kinshasa, this rain and flooding was catastrophic here too... everyone in my car was local and equally shocked. But yeah, the privilege. Many people died and 30k lost their homes and there's just not much of a safety net. I feel like i can write again because i'm letting myself feel my despair over all of it. xox |
| from sparkle-pink : |
| thank you thank you. Now to wrap them all... |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| Awww you were thinking about me and my scrappy tree at the same time I was thinking about you and your night plowing! Heavy-duty stuff those last two entries of yours. Last night I fell asleep thinking back to those times we had heavy snow. In my quasi-sleep, I recall the plows coming down our block. How did I feel? Did it trigger me somehow? If not what does? as for your hugs I could use some and would love them. Xo |
| from se7enchance : |
| Your past couple of entries have been heavy. Density squeezed into few words and small space. It makes for bittersweet reading. I hope you're well, Shannon. |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| 29/11 I think the girl is you and you're scared - why wouldn't you be scared? Just my unsolicited take on it xx |
| from noregularman : |
| Thank you for the plug hole hack. There was a time where I wish I’d known that. Despite growing up with multiple sisters, I always got the blame for blocking the shower plug hole. My sisters all had thin, fine hair done in a blunt with bangs while I sported a David Coverdale look. The DC was an unfortunate style of the times. My hair was by far the longest, most shiny, voluminous, colourful, and most noticeable when that plug hole got blocked. Cleaning the plug hole with a crochet hook borrowed from my big sisters knitting bag was I recall never much fun. |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| You are too sweet! Thank you sooo much! Xoxo they are always a handful lol! Hope you have a great Thanksgiving too! Xo |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| Awwwww ❤️❤️ Jimbo is blushing! And The sense of euphoria is intense when I see one of your notes! :) |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| Feel better soon Xoxo |
| from sparkle-pink : |
| good to know I'm not imagining things with the COVID brain!! And I agree. If there were mandates both Mom and I, and the random person who gave me covid, would all be wearing masks. We learned our lesson tho!! |
| from loveherwell : |
| a second round?! oof. i hope you heal quickly. |
| from sparkle-pink : |
| ty and ty for the concern. My Mom and I are going to be fine. We'll suffer, but we don't need to go to the hospital or anything. I'm waiting for my Mom to lose her sense of taste and smell too. She doesn't think she's going to. I hope she's right. |
| from noregularman : |
| Thank you for your note. It’s always a good thing when one kind gesture leads to something else positive, more so when it’s unexpected. Florists I’m sure have their ups and downs like everyone else has. It’s a nice thought though, bringing cheer with every delivery would indeed be a wonderful way to pass the time. Hope you are on the mend from your wee bout of the lurgy and that someone has sent you flowers to cheer you up! Real ones that is… |
| from sparkle-pink : |
| noooooooooo. I was foolish and haven't been wearing a mask when I got out. I figured after all this time and having 5 shots I would be fine... I hope you get better soon! I'm already feeling a bit better so I'm hoping this doesn't drag out too long. My Mom has been amazing. Not a word about how much I'm sleeping and also she offered money from her savings account (really tight on cash) to buy cold and flu supplies. |
| from whystinger : |
| Thanks, I am well. Life has been very busy, so I need to catch up on your diary and a bunch of others as well as write more in mine. Thanks. |
| from sparkle-pink : |
| Thank you for your message. Last night was rough. Hope you feel better soon as well. |
| from orangepeeler : |
| Oof! Hoping you have a swift recovery xx |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| Aw shit. There's a sense that it's over, we don't need to take precautions any more, but it isn't and we do. Be careful with your recovery and resting - there's a suggestion that long Covid hits those who push themselves too far too soon after having it. I hope it passes quickly. Hugs xx |
| from whystinger : |
| I hope you feel better |
| from loveherwell : |
| a house!!! that's so exciting!! |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| Also just read your post and I'm happy for you two xx |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| Tank you so much for your note and your honesty. I have to say that my therapist has been prepping me for this since May 2021, very concerned that it would be overwhelming in a bad way. I was concerned when you first described having EMDR as it seemed to be presented to you very differently. But I also remember how it helped you see Your relationship with Daniel differently, and more helpfully. I'm so sorry you weren't cared for carefully through this experience. I do hope we manage to meet face to face one day - I can picture us talking non stop for at least a day or two. Hugs xx |
| from msafire : |
| Gorgeous writing! So lovely to read after I noticed a note from you on Jimbo's notes. Jimbo is honestly the only other Diarland Diary I read regularly but for ocaccionally reading a random one from one of his DL pals who left a note. I then binge read like its a Netflix show; All episodes in one sitting ( or as many as can until ready to sleep.) Yours was a lovely binge read!! |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| James “Earnest” Hemingway here I just wanted to say thank you for the lovely note and that it could easily pass for one of your entries. My granddaughters are the light in what is the darkness that is my life. It makes me smile to share our adventures and I'm glad people enjoy them. |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| Hey!!! Missed you!!!! Congrats on middle management. Does that mean no more moonlight swims on tropical beaches? Lol crunching the numbers, finding the metrics,, I hope that doesn’t mean swordferns soul has been swallowed by those mindless zombies. :( take care xo |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| Hey, thinking of you hope all is well xo |
| from loveherwell : |
| "why does this make my heart ache?" i just wanted you to know that you are not alone in this feeling. you're right -- there are so many ways we can be happy, but each one indicates a loss of something else we could've had. |
| from warpednormal : |
| It always sounds like you discover so much magic wherever you are. The way you describe Vancouver makes me miss it a lot too ;) |
| from orangepeeler : |
| 26.9.22: and when you write, magic happens. |
| from musikoid : |
| Ah I see. I always get it mixed up with Nova Scotia--I had to just look it up on a map lol. |
| from musikoid : |
| I just caught up and read the last two entries. Your writing evokes beautiful images. Sounds like you've made a nice brilliant friend from Norway, possibly a kindred spirit. Did you used to live in Newfoundland? Sounds like you were missing home. |
| from musikoid : |
| I emailed you a new user/pass |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| As a teacher I was beset with plain, well-behaved, middling ability girls with long brown pony-tails. Awful, especially at parents' evening. I could live in a place like that too. |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| Nooooo lol, I just know that I have done the wrong name thing before and my face changes beat red when they say that's not my name! Lol, I mean really red! So I try to avoid that lol |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| I hardly ever use names in a group situation. Unless I know you well your name is not recorded in my brain. I may give someone an enthusiastic welcome but no name. Lol |
| from loveherwell : |
| i love love love your latest entry. your life sounds so serene and lovely in this moment. |
| from orangepeeler : |
| 5th of Aug.: I love the idea of your future trip. My name is Phil. :) |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| Standing there waiting to be seated felt a lot like a school lunchroom. You walk slowly through the crowd as everyone looks at you sideways. The only difference was I didn't have my lunch tray with me! Xoxo |
| from musikoid : |
| Actually have read very few books, I keep harping on a reading disability but nobody believes me. I should probably get an official diagnosis but I'm one of those people who can't read because they space out too much on the pages. But I get your point. I did live in Italy for three years when my dad was stationed there. I tend to have an active thought life, like a creative life, even if I don't visit many places. + Privilege is kinda like, when I was on the streets, it was assumed I had "privilege" because my skin was White. Many people in my sorta intellectual/academic bracket travel quite a bit, most of the people I hang out with these days are like, college professors. I never quite know when they're going to be taking off on another trip or two, or for where, or to visit whom, or for what reason. Possible I am a bit jealous. |
| from musikoid : |
| I just read your last five entries. Must be nice to have traveled though the Covid thing sucks. I have neither traveled (well, a one way greyhound from Cali to Idaho six years ago lol) - nor had Covid symptoms. Guess my world is very small compared to that of many. |
| from jarofporter : |
| thanks for the note! to me, there's a big difference between wanting someone to understand something about me, and wanting them to understand 'me'. there's really no explaining 'me', it just has to be experienced. sometimes i just feel it's unlikely to happen again, that's all. |
| from sparkle-pink : |
| Thanks for your note! It was brutal and unfair. Especially when Laura blamed me for her breakdown and that it was my fault that she self harmed. I was just trying to do what was best. |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| Awesome entry! I'm glad you made it home safely after all that running around. Yeah, we were close on that trip but the cards were stacked against us. For the next one, we will have it all figured out end it will be smooooooth! Xoxo |
| from orangepeeler : |
| 1/8: Magic in the details. Hope you're enjoying yourself, despite the plague. |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| 1/8 I love this entry. It's good to read your writing and know that you haven't lost it to brain fog, good to read you loving the history in those stones. |
| from whystinger : |
| I hope your covid is a mild case, as mild or milder than the one I had. Walking is good for covid and helps the breathing. |
| from zenayda : |
| Yikes! I hope it passes quickly. |
| from zenayda : |
| Oh,yes,I have heard of parrot lung. It is rare. Poor guy. https://rarediseases.org/rare-diseases/psittacosis/ |
| from alethia : |
| Oh I hope you feel better soon. If you end up in Dubrovnik and feel like a picnic, look up PikNik. It's run by an old film colleague of mine from Van who lives there now, making fancy local food picnics. I want to eat all her food, but she is So Far Away! |
| from kelsi : |
| Major bummer! Hope you feel better soon! <3 |
| from orangepeeler : |
| Oof. How horrible! Wishing you a speedy recovery xx |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| Yikes! Covid sucks. Wishing you a speedy recovery! Xoxo |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| It's not top trumps - you're rightly fed up with your situation. Hope you feel better soon and thanks for your note. Big hugs - I'm still immune so hugs are good! xx |
| from musikoid : |
| You write extremely well. It's captivating. |
| from whystinger : |
| Your desire to write may ebb and flow as your life and situation changes, but I definitely understand. I ponder why my writing has changed over the years. The words seem to come slower to me when not in the mood and my typing is slower it seems. |
| from musikoid : |
| You write beautifully. Belated congrats on the sub-50 10-K. You can read me if you want, I can get you a password. |
| from alethia : |
| Makes me flip through all the Carolyns I know in Nelson, but I don't think any of them would be the correct age. That would have been strange. |
| from papotheclown : |
| That means a lot to me. Thank you. |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| Sent you an email :) |
| from lust- : |
| Oh, those notes. Wow. Glad to read your words again. |
| from thruthecrowd : |
| Thank you so much for the b-day wishes. I hope so too ❤️ |
| from papotheclown : |
| Why, thank you. My face always lights up when I see you've written something new. I'm glad we know each other in this, such an intimate and anonymous way. |
| from musikoid : |
| Much obliged. You're welcome. |
| from musikoid : |
| Pardon my showing up uninvited but you do keep a public diary. I've not read anything of yours since I commented on the half-marathon. I just read the dream and am compelled to interpret. +. The symbolism in the dream suggests for me that you should NOT remove the braid. I don't know who Daniel is, but the forced removal of the braid combined with the clenching the braid in fist suggests the man in the dream is disrespectful of your right to make your own choices. Violence is also indicated in both images. So it seems that if you were to remove the braid, you would be submitting or bowing to a form of patriarchal authority that denies you equality. Of course I could be out to lunch, but you know, couldn't help but comment. |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| I don't mean to sound unreasonable its just these stories are not ones of love. They're filled with neglect and contempt and I get upset at the comparison. I'm tearing up trying to even finish this note. xoxo |
| from alethia : |
| Last week I got half my hair chopped off. I also kept it really long. I just felt like it needed to be done. It feels very strange not to have to drape my hair over the top of my bed at night. |
| from se7enchance : |
| That is. A very. Interesting dream. |
| from catsoul : |
| 5.27.2022. Thanks for your note. I have been getting tattoos since the age of 21. So that is 45 years now. I am fine with it being permanent. Peace. =^..^= |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| seulement si je peux te rendre un câlin 😁 |
| from narcissa : |
| Big congratulations- I hope you get a nice long break between jobs too |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| 🥲😭💔ty |
| from loveherwell : |
| congrats on your decision!!!! |
| from kelsi : |
| Congratulations - so exciting! Hope you have a bit of time off to decompress in between jobs :) |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| 7/5 xxx |
| from alethia : |
| I love dogs. They feel everything. I love cats too. They feel everything too, they just don't give a shit. Or less so, anyway, hahaha. |
| from lust- : |
| Amazing! Congrats! |
| from loveherwell : |
| super congrats on such an amazing 10k time!! i loved getting to see all the photos of that beautiful dog, too. i'm glad you found it such a lovely experience :) |
| from orangepeeler : |
| 24-04-22: Well done!! |
| from narcissa : |
| And I always wish I’d asked for more money too. We really need to talk about it more so we know what are normal ranges. It’s stupid that it’s this secret thing |
| from narcissa : |
| Maybe they’ll counteroffer! Congratulations!!!! It’s very cool to think about applying those skills in a new way. And brave : ). Hope you get alllll thé vacation. |
| from narcissa : |
| April 19: omg what did you choose, i can't handle it! xox |
| from alethia : |
| I'm ok. It's been a bad week. Stress with my roommates blew up this weekend. Yet to see how it'll settle out. |
| from papotheclown : |
| You are always welcome at my hypothetical forest fortress of solitude. Stop by anytime, stay as long as you'd like. |
| from cocoabean : |
| Change can be scary, but it's necessary for growth. Sounds like a great job, congrats! |
| from alethia : |
| OooooOOOOOooohhhh. How exciting! To be courted for your beautiful brain! |
| from floodtide : |
| You can be anxious and uncomfortable, even frightened, and still do a thing. It sounds like this job offer is a terrific opportunity for now. If nothing else, there is a LOT to be said for working for people who so clearly value you already and are willing to say so. |
| from blueisnotred : |
| Caught up on your entries, how exciting, many changes in your life with therapy and now this job offer. All of which feel like Good Things, deserved things. Much love x |
| from lust- : |
| Change is scary but necessary. I believe in you and know you will make the right choices! |
| from lust- : |
| Thank you for sharing your opinion, which I truly respect. I feel as if in a way, I'm continuing to hang out with him to boost my ego as well, which relates back to what happened with Matt. I'm still going to hang out with him one more time at least and see how it goes. I texted and brought up that he spoke a lot and he said he would leave me more space next time. Only time will tell! As for your latest entry, it is such a powerful thing to move through the healing process and see how much we have changed and gain a different perspective. Very proud of you!xo |
| from alethia : |
| Angry is a useful emotion. I think so, anyway. It's the fire that propels the engine forward. I'm glad you got away from him. What a jerk. |
| from orangepeeler : |
| What a dirtbag. You withstood all of that crap. Well done. x |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| Sending massive hugs. I do remember all that and I'm so glad you walked away. Well done you. Yay for anger xx |
| from papotheclown : |
| That last line gave me chills. |
| from dangerspouse : |
| Wow. It sure SOUNDS like it feels good. (I'm still angry you had to give your cat away, though. That sure doesn't make me feel good.) |
| from papotheclown : |
| I did EMDR for a few years. It was certainly brutal for me at first. Opened up a lot of stuff. But it really did a lot for me in the long run. I hope it's effective for you. |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| Wow. I'm due to start EMDR at some point with my therapist. Interesting x |
| from kelsi : |
| You're not strong because you're lucky, though - you're strong because you've worked hard to become strong. Good luck with the job hunt! |
| from kelsi : |
| Ha, I haven't ghost-written any books yet - I'll have to read that book! Bet the real author is a huge fan of my top secret online diary and copied my style! ;) Happy Spring to you! |
| from papotheclown : |
| I am staying on the other side of town at a place called Sunscape. I'm tempted to swing over though just to see if I can see your cat. The sun is fantastic and the sights of old people and horses and whatever else are very fun and enjoyable. Being apart from her is probably worthy of its own entry as there is a lot of conflicting thoughts. But I will say that the break has been a needed one. |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| Was thinking of you and dropped in to say hi. Saw your entry on how you are giving back to the community and think that's awesome. Xoxo |
| from papotheclown : |
| Wow, what are the odds? Do you know the name of the RV resort? There are a lot of them here. I have seen plenty of bald men, but no orange cat so far. |
| from narcissa : |
| : ) thanks for my annotated responses : ) And also for the reminder to find a way to give back. |
| from whystinger : |
| Thanks for the note and well wishes. Therapy can be a blessing with a good therapist. Sometimes one needs to try a few different therapists until you find one that works for you. |
| from alethia : |
| It helps that the main producer is a woman, and is super not okay with that shit. If you've seen the documentary on Netflix called This Changes Everything, well, the company that actually gender balanced their company is the company I'm working for right now. (It's actually a co-pro with my least favourite company, The Mouse, but I'm ignoring that fact.) |
| from alethia : |
| I told my coworker, who informed the producer, who called me. Ultimately, I decided someone high up in the food chain giving him a Stern Talking To will be enough to keep him in his lane until this job ends in a couple months. Then I will never work for him again! Hooray! |
| from loveherwell : |
| thank you!!! that honestly makes me feel so much better. |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| Aw thanks for the note. I do find crochet more relaxing but no one wants the crocheted items so I'm giving knitting another go. xxx |
| from orangepeeler : |
| I did evade the plague, and my mother-in-law is fully recovered. Whew! Thanks for the kind note. xx |
| from loveherwell : |
| i can now say that the bit of therapy i have done (am still doing, just less so now) has been low-key life-changing. i hope it is the same for you. |
| from alethia : |
| When I was growing up, I thought perogies and borscht were standard food, on every menu and at every street festival. And for there to be naked pacifist Russians protesting things. Turns out it was just the area. |
| from kelsi : |
| That's some family history to be proud of! <3 |
| from portlypete : |
| The world needs more people like your gg Grandparents and those that went before them - so brave. |
| from lust- : |
| Would love to hear about the other half of your story/Ancestry. |
| from sparkle-pink : |
| haha you're welcome! It was really hard to do because the hoarder in me was all I paid top dollar for this, and I COULD use it... but have I? Will I? |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| 26/2 I'm glad you're safe. I am too xxx |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| I work in an area with a lot of drugs and violence so that dream could easily be a reality. Thanks for the note xoxo |
| from whystinger : |
| From your 2/15/22 entry. I am glad that I am not the only one who feels chemistry with someone and ponders if it is really. Love the hut entry. |
| from sparkle-pink : |
| Thank you! |
| from raven72d : |
| The Hut Trip is a lovely entry. |
| from whystinger : |
| Chubby Troubles was our first and only Siamese. I, nor did my ex-wife know about the differences in the Siamese breed. She saw, she wanted and she brought him home (a rescue). I did not know that the breed generally picks one person out of the household as "theirs." I also did not know how noisy or how demanding they can be or especially about their separation anxiety for when their "chosen" may go to work or out of town for a few days. He could be mean as hell, but I loved that little shit. Stay safe with the gear return. |
| from loveherwell : |
| thank you for the birthday message! and i loved the end of your most recent entry. |
| from se7enchance : |
| Without judgment-- if you want to talk about your relationship(s), I'd be privileged to listen with an impartial an objective ear. (Still) Love your entries. Cheers, Shannon. What we always want, is the wanting. <3 |
| from warpednormal : |
| Hi! Yes I've been in Australia since December 10th, but it feels much longer than that. haha quite the adjustment but it's been lovely so far. hope the Vancouver weather is improving... xx |
| from kelsi : |
| I've never even heard of those movies but now I think I should watch them! |
| from orangepeeler : |
| Lovely image: "The ocean that presses against me is the same ocean that presses against that whale." |
| from floodtide : |
| Thank you for your note! I just e-mailed you. |
| from alethia : |
| That is something that is on my mind a lot. I like to make the people around me feel comfortable, but it always makes me feel a little ill when I realize the people around me aren't trying to make ME comfortable. I wish I could march through life believing I am owed things. |
| from raven72d : |
| Quiet entries are good things. Here in the present world, small moments like your entries are a welcome relief. |
| from narcissa : |
| my therapist asked me: "what does having a child represent for you?" |
| from zenayda : |
| Aren't successful kitchen concoctions fun? I felt the same about creating a vegan muffin recipe from scratch that didn't have the consistency of a sponge soaked in syrup. 😆 |
| from lust- : |
| "He thinks that he’s a nice person, but he’s actually not" I read that over a few times. It resonates. I wonder that about myself actually, but then have to step back and know it's not 100% true. Maybe only 80% hah. That lemon tart sounds divine. It's so nice to share things like that with others who are so appreciative of the thought and care that goes into the process. Such joy and satisfaction is must have brought. Thank you for your word of congratulations. I'm looking forward to things, despite being somewhat hesitant about both roles. It'll pass. Hopefully. Also, chemistry between Tuncay and myself is probably the right word. At first I thought, "sexual chemistry? Nah." But there are other forms of chemistry, others ways to vibe with another human. Thanks for that reminder. |
| from alethia : |
| I cut a friend out some years ago over exactly that kind of behavior. We both rode the bus, and he always made me go to him. I lived in PoMo, and he lived in Richmond, which was a COLOSSAL pain in the ass. So one day I suggested we meet in New West, and he wouldn't, because he 'couldn't take the time out of his day'. And that was that, really. I suddenly realized what was happening, and also that I was done with it. |
| from raven72d : |
| Lovely, thoughtful, pensive entries. |
| from dangerspouse : |
| "...restrictions on meat, dairy, eggs, soy, gluten, and peanuts." You did well not to accidentally drop a side of beef on their head and gut them with a rusty knife while they lay unconscious. Like I would have. Seriously though, kudos on the lemon tart! I'm very impressed. Not the easiest thing to make well even without such inhuman constraints. Well done! (And don't have kids. What if they grow up to be vegetarians? It's not worth the risk.) |
| from noregularman : |
| Thank you for the note. All is well. I'll look forward to that! Stay safe. |
| from sparkle-pink : |
| ty! and thanks about the raccoon. I cried. |
| from thruthecrowd : |
| Thank you <3 I really appreciate your note and your caring. |
| from dangerspouse : |
| How DID you know?? Lol.... |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| And I love that you had a dream with me in! x |
| from lust- : |
| Thank you for the validation.xo |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| I popped in to see what other people have said about having children and will add my bit. I can't deny how hard it was at times for me but I did have them with terrible men. But it was also always the very best as well, and still is. Now they're grown I love that we love some of the same things - no one gets me like Daughter. They are my favourite people on the whole planet and have been since birth. Apart from the teenage nightmare years. I would have had more to see who else was lurking. |
| from portlypete : |
| You’re right. From the moment some midwife plonks a tiny child on your chest and says, ‘look after that for the rest of your life’, the world is turned upside down. It becomes a place of dirty diapers, depression (maybe), constant anxiety and sleep deprivation. There must be some plus points or people wouldn’t do it and then, often, do it again. Perhaps one might get some fleeting pleasure from that first smile of recognition; that first word - it better be ‘Mama’; the child’s look of triumph as he or she takes a first tentative step. You might get joy from it’s endless curiosity as it explores the world around him (I’ve decided it’s a boy). You might perhaps enjoy his excitement as you light a candle on his first birthday cake, you might even get a warm feeling inside you when, at bedtime, you snuggle down with him and savour the smell of newly bathed child as you turn the pages of his favorite picture book until his eyelids gently close. No, you’re right - dogs are easier. |
| from portlypete : |
| Hmm! I’ll need to sleep on that one. |
| from portlypete : |
| Wow, I didn’t want to put you off parenthood so strongly. I just wanted to warn that it isn’t all sunshine and buttercups. For me, the positives far exceed the negatives, but I can only repeat that both you and your partner should go into this with your eyes wide open. I do know people who have children with special needs, and they are loved just as much as other offspring. One thing is certain: life will change immensely! But, if I knew then what I know now, I certainly wouldn’t alter a thing. |
| from portlypete : |
| Children: I had so much to say on the subject but, really, no one can give you advice. Mega joy versus mega trauma: It’s a balance. Fortunately, so far, I am in credit. One thing is certain: your life will change radically: it will never be the same again, and your partner should be 100% on board. |
| from alethia : |
| She is, I know. I appreciate the kind words. My mom doesn't quite understand how to support someone, and always defaults to 'tough love'. Weirdly, with me, her most sensitive child who cries when she even thinks someone MIGHT be annoyed with her, it doesn't go over super well. I've mostly accepted it's not going to change, but it still stings when she catches me by surprise. |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| To be perfectly honest I was terrified when I found out I had it. There are so many sad stories that I couldn't help but think the worst. Right now my symptoms are a small dry cough and some fatigue. In the beginning, I had a sore throat and nasal congestion but that's all gone. Since I'm doing ok I'm thinking of getting retested just to see what they say but people are saying to wait. Thanks for the note xoxo |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| Lol, you know me well! How’s does that saying go? “There's no rest for the wicked.” doing my best to stay hydrated. Xoxoxo |
| from sparkle-pink : |
| thank you! |
| from blueisnotred : |
| Thanks for your note, it really resonated with me and I keep thinking about what sex means for me with regards to recovery. Maybe something I need to accept rather than feel confused or guilty about! |
| from kelsi : |
| Apparently some people do like project management, but I don't know why. I was talking to a friend a few weeks ago about job stress and she said, "What are we doing to ourselves?" And I don't know - what are we doing to ourselves? Is it worth it? I don't know, ugh. |
| from noregularman : |
| Thank you for the note. First batch of Cream of Celery came out great. I also have a new path to wander down. So, new menu, new walking route and maybe even new Noregularman? Well two out of three ain’t bad but I’ll definitely work on the third. The privilege has been mine. Keep writing and Stay Safe. |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| Alone at work in the wee hours of the morning my heart and mind fight a battle of one-upmanship. When they are done I pick up the pieces and write an entry. Lots of times when I reread them I say “who wrote that.” xoxo |
| from alethia : |
| It extends further than that. My roommates are married, and his adult daughter is living with us while she gets on her feet in the city. 'Gets on her feet' has stretched to many months. I tried to express my concern early on that it was going to put a strain on the house, and she had a very similar reaction, and nothing got resolved. Even before she moved in, I felt a little on the outside, because they always side with each other in disagreements. I suspect she's feeling the strain of another person in the house too, but wouldn't dare say anything, and is taking it out on me in stupid petty ways. But I feel that if I speak up, the only recourse will be me moving out, and jesus, you know the state of rent in this city. |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| Ooohhh that's a deal! Can't wait! :) xo |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| Jimbo here hoping you had a Merry Christmas and will have a safe and Happy New year. Just cause I don't write much don't think that you've been forgotten. Wishing you all the best xoxo |
| from dangerspouse : |
| Haha! Thanks for the great note! A very Merry to you and yours also. And yes, you only got attention when you were naughty. (Or to quote some old chanteuse from years gone by, "Good little girls go to Heaven. Bad little girls go everywhere." Enjoy the trip!) :) |
| from whystinger : |
| Great entry. I want to get to the point where I remove clutter and extra furniture where things in my home are comfortablely sparse. One of my cousin's homes is like that and I really like it. Not really sparse, but no clutter and open space. |
| from noregularman : |
| Dear Swordfern, my diary is still locked down and nothing much works since i returned after many years away. I thought I'd share a little festive peek if you are interested. If you follow this link, this entry is with you in mind. Merry Christmas & best wishes for the new Year. https://1drv.ms/b/s!AtlGDzZYH3k9d-72DgYaXWkMMLg?e=1fIgkB |
| from blueisnotred : |
| 18/12 thank you for your kind message. i'm really surprised, and happy to hear that you've been on this route and taken this journey and found your way out. i would like to be on the other side of this tunnel too. if you have any tips to impart, i'm all ears :) |
| from loveherwell : |
| thank you! it feels good to feel good (haha). also, i really like the questions you posed at the end of your last entry. it really left me thinking. |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| What you said is so on point I'm in tears after reading it. Thank you :) |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| Hahaha yeah, call me wet-ice for short. Maybe Wice? Just trying to make it sound cool. Lol |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| So I'm “TWBG” Lol |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| It's worth a lot! Thank you. :) Xo |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| Ho - big questions today - who played with us, who made us feel good? Thank you for writing in the way you do - it makes me feel a connection despite oceans and decades separating us. Hugs x |
| from portlypete : |
| I am very old, so I am able to remember how we had to scrape and save back in the 'bad old days'. Recently, we have lived through a time of plenty: we have got used to that lifestyle. We just need to adapt to the present day, just like we adjusted to rationing and queues back in WW2 (OK, I'm really not THAT old), but I you get my point. Stay strong. We will survive! p.s. and anyone who tells you global warming is NOT A THING is probaly an ex-president. |
| from zenayda : |
| I am glad you're safe, and hoping the waters recede in more ways than one. |
| from musikoid : |
| Ha yeah. I was about to mention what spots chafe the worst then realized it wasn't quite appropriate lol. Happy Thanksgiving. |
| from orangepeeler : |
| Thinking of you and hoping the current crisis passes soon. xx |
| from musikoid : |
| Happened to see a note of yours. I'm a runner and I concur. Chafing hits more spots than would be expected, and it's hella painful and distracting when you're on the roads. Congrats on the half-marathon. |
| from blueisnotred : |
| Thanks for your kind words :) I was shocked to hear about the bat! Or owl. Crazy stuff. |
| from cocoabean : |
| If you're having doubts about your job, look for a new one. they seldom get better! |
| from zenayda : |
| I was all set to change my template to include an owl. I'll wait to use that particular picture until next fall. :-) |
| from alethia : |
| I too harbour elaborate fantasies of quitting. |
| from noregularman : |
| Thanks for the note and how curious that you should say that. If you contact me at the address on my profile page I'll do my best to share access. |
| from papotheclown : |
| What a wonderful question. I'm not really sure. There have been moments of real expansiveness and transcendence, but honestly I have been feeling so confined that it's almost claustrophobic. I'm sure that's at least partially because of the time constraints I've been under, but I don't know, there is something else there lurking under the surface. Something I am not fully aware of yet. It's always so nice to hear from you. I am glad you are okay after the bat/owl/whatever incident. |
| from happyone : |
| 11/10/21: Thank you for the birthday wishes! |
| from portlypete : |
| Nicole needs a slap - just sayin. |
| from kelsi : |
| I was just reading about rabies and what it does to a person - you don't want to fuck around with that! You made the right call. |
| from whystinger : |
| I am glad that you went to the hospital and took the precaution that it could have been a rabid bat. The consequences for not doing what you did are not pleasant. I don't think it would have been an owl, but it could have been. Either way, you did the right thing by going to the hospital. Carry a flashlight or did you have one? I have a lot of owls in my area, as we are all on one acre lots with a lot of large, tall oak trees. I have called a few to my yard and if I am outside, then seem to keep their distance. Hard to say what it was, but again, you did the right thing. That is what is important - you kept yourself safe. |
| from loveherwell : |
| oh no!! i'm glad you're okay! that's so scary! |
| from alethia : |
| Wow! What a crazy experience! I'm glad you went in for the shots, though. One of my dearest friends has a lot of experience with rabies shots, because as a kid kept petting 'the nice doggies with the bubbling mouths'. I hope you never have to go through it again! |
| from lust- : |
| Yikes! I hope you were able to get lots of rest after your hospital visit and that your partner is taking good care of you. Sending healing vibes.xo |
| from whystinger : |
| I am sorry that you had a run in with a flying bat, but I am glad that you were treated. I am told the initial treatment is rough. Indeed a buddy who worked in maintenance at a Girl Scout camp who came into contact with a raccoon that was thought to be rabid. He had to take the treatment too. I have been told that you can get exposed to rabies by exposure to certain animal's saliva and bodily fluids (blood, sweat) so I think it was important that you received the care you needed. I hope you feel better. |
| from zenayda : |
| Aww, I'm sorry you had to go through that. If it's any consolation, the bat was probably frightened and panicked. I hope everything works out and you're okay! |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| That must have been terrifying. You my friend had some serious intestinal fortitude. I think most people who experienced that would have doubled over with fear. I'm glad you went to the hospital and let the medical professionals treat you. Xo |
| from blueisnotred : |
| 2/11/21 Your most recent entry running with peter really resonated with me. i hope to find a resolution too. |
| from whystinger : |
| We men can be weird to be friends with. Sometimes we dominate the conversation with shit women have no interest in, or we can enjoy someone's company with silence. I used to really enjoy a former sweetheart's brother-in-law but we rarely talked, expect for a few words, but somehow we still communicated. We would sit there, he waiting for his wife and I for the wife's sister. The ladies would arrive, he would look at me, say one word and we would both laugh. Next he may say "Beer? Water?" and I would respond. It could be your friend is deep in thought about the relationship or he is just enjoying spending time with you. |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| I draw my inspiration from everyone here at diaryland. I am the product of all the laughs and cries. I am the product of all the crushed dreams and the amazing victories. I am the student of many and the master of none. I've learned it's ok to say here what I could never say in real life. I was told, “don't be afraid to be sincere and share a part of yourself with the reader.” I open my heart and write what it tells me. Maybe one day there will be more than emotional turmoil in there but for now, that's all I got. Lol Thanks for the note xoxo |
| from alethia : |
| Mammogram day was a terrible and sobering day, slotted amongst the grandmas and grey haired moms (when did *I* get grey hair???). Fortunately, so far, I haven't got any alarming phone calls from my doctor, so hopefully all was a false alarm. And personally, I still feel sixteen. Confused and alarmed at life in general, and wishing I had a manual. |
| from alethia : |
| Honestly, I'm not sure. Your professional success makes you seem older than me, but your energy and athleticism makes you feel younger than me. Though to be perfectly frank, I think I mostly didn't realize how old *I* was, rather than thinking you were particularly far away from me! Hahahahahaha |
| from whystinger : |
| Congrats on the half marathon, that is awesome performance. I have never run a marathon or a half, but used to run 5Ks. I am struggling to get back into it, but races were awesome. Just like you said, the crowd seems to push you. For me, I didn't like people passing me at times. The bad thing is I had a habit of running the race and pushing myself until I see the end. Then I would break my ass and sprint. I would stop monitoring my heart and just go, hoping I would not drop. At the times my family was there, I would crank past them at the finish yard and then disappear into the crowd until my heart rate came down... and drop from the high 180s... but I loved it. |
| from orangepeeler : |
| Oooh! Great! Congrats! :) |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| Great time! Way to go speedy! Xo |
| from alethia : |
| Wow! That's amazing! Congratulations! I didn't realize before now, but we're very close in age. |
| from loveherwell : |
| that’s an AMAZING time!!!! congrats!!! |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| Just popped in with a whole lotta love for you always xxx |
| from whystinger : |
| Read part of your 10/08 entry and realize that I need to really catch up on your diary and also that of Lust- |
| from kelsi : |
| Good luck in the race - hope you don't get any rocks in your shoes! :) |
| from loveherwell : |
| good luck on the race -- i hope that being there can be healing for you, too. |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| You have such a magical way with words that I can visualize everything you wrote. In my mind, I was on that beach and watched you dive and the rejuvenation it brought. Wishing you good luck on the marathon and the closure that route will bring. Xoxo |
| from lust- : |
| Well, the day of that entry, I was walking Aura at around 5 a.m. and there was a person in front of us at one point who was checking all the car doors in the neighbourhood we were in. It made me realize that I need to be careful, as well. I don't carry anything with me on our early morning walks. |
| from narcissa : |
| :) and heart heart heart. Really wish I lived closer. |
| from life-my-way : |
| You're so right, and I am/try to be constantly on guard about the stories I tell myself (and am grateful to friends like this woman for the reminder to do so). Being back in Tuscaloosa is a big trigger for so many stories, so this visit is great practice. |
| from browndamask : |
| you have such a way with words <3 |
| from raven72d : |
| So September seems to be ending well for you. I hope your October is full of good things. |
| from lust- : |
| It's so comforting to read your words describing the adventures and familiarities of your September. But, I also thought, "I hope she carries some sort of protection with her on those runs." Safety things, y'know? |
| from whystinger : |
| The biopsy went well, but was different... as they give me nitrous oxide. I need to catch up on your diary. The comment about being without a phone got me thinking. I used to love skinny dipping with a love. Being without a cell phone does feel strange for a while, then feels good. |
| from loveherwell : |
| thank you for your lovely words. that being the definition of heartbreak really hit home. i hope that i am able to take this experience with me and love someone openly and kindly as he showed me was possible. |
| from lust- : |
| Thanks for the note. The whole point of driving down was for safety reasons. My friend's son has bad asthma so is at higher risk of contracting viruses and I don't want to put them in any shady situations. None of us feel safe flying to a different country right now, especially with having to take a couple planes to get there. It is something I thought about running by her, which will be a huge discussion. And, as of now, there is still a two week quarantine for people traveling to Oklahoma. Their cases are high. Honestly, I think the safest choice is to stay put until this all settles and we all feel good about me being there instead of worrying. |
| from zenayda : |
| Must be a Canadian thing. People here don't wave to you, unless it's to tell you to get off their property, and they definitely don't invite you in because they'll worry you'll rob them, but if they do invite you in, then you should be the one worried about getting robbed. The US is kind of a pit of despair when it comes to that kind of thing. |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| Lol, I'm glad you agree! :) xo |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| Heyyyyyyy!!! Thanks, good to be back with all you guys. Xoxo |
| from whystinger : |
| I haven't been reading your diary in a while, but I am a bit envious of your snorkeling. I need to get out in the Gulf of Mexico and do some snorkeling. there is so much I want to do, but so much other parts of life. Time for me to get busy I guess. |
| from floodtide : |
| I saw the asterisk and hoped I didn't know what it meant, but I did. No forgiveness is necessary. I am happy for you. I'm in a place where I can not only not envy people who can drink normally, I'm happy for them. For YOU. At the same time I have no desire at all to step back into it myself. You are generous and loving to think of me, but I'm glad you "only" added the asterisk and - I hope - didn't edit or censor. If you were here I'd shake your martini or pour your wine. And even more than all of that, I am so happy for you - to have been welcomed with such generosity by your new East Coast friends. Nothing but love to you. |
| from jarofporter : |
| thanks for the note - out of curiosity, when does "story follows state" become empirical evidence? just pondering to myself, i suppose... |
| from papotheclown : |
| You know precisely what to say. Thank you for seeing me. Thank you for finding me valuable. It means a lot coming from you. I admire your writing so much, it feels like I am being noticed by a celebrity or something. A Diaryland celebrity, which is the best kind. |
| from lust- : |
| That's so true, our bodies speak to us, it's on us to truly listen and adapt. I hope to check out that book some day. That and "The Body Keeps the Score" are on my list. |
| from sparkle-pink : |
| Ugh I'm sure floating would have been awesome if it was warm!!! I just missed the heat wave there so every day was a little chilly to be sitting outside, mostly when the wind was blowing. I get cold easily though so part of it is just me! |
| from narcissa : |
| aug 24: oof, chris. That's a big one. Those paths not taken... xox. |
| from loveherwell : |
| you sound so happy and free. :) |
| from orangepeeler : |
| Oooofff! I concur with Cocoabean. |
| from cocoabean : |
| only 2 days more... you can do it. Hang on!! |
| from zenayda : |
| Two weeks? Haven't they heard that houseguests are like fish and go bad after three days? |
| from papotheclown : |
| Yes please! I'd love to meet up on the road somewhere and your suggested locations are perfect, though I also have plans to visit your neck of the woods as soon as I can. It's my favorite part of the world. |
| from loveherwell : |
| thank you -- it feels so good to feel safe in this vulnerability. |
| from orangepeeler : |
| I could write a whole book about the b&b and hotel rooms of my past. :) |
| from lust- : |
| Thank you, friend! And, thank you for reaching out for a class and aiding in my journey. 🙏🏾✨ Have you continued on with your own yoga practice? |
| from zenayda : |
| "How can you just sit there and not dig into life? Paddling at the edges, when the full experience is available and right in front of you?" I work for Miranda Priestly. :D |
| from lust- : |
| I appreciate your posts about exploring the great outdoors and embracing the beauty of nature. Always makes me want to get out and prance around. |
| from se7enchance : |
| Maybe the answer for your current headspace is in your silver fern earrings. You didn't mention them by accident. |
| from loveherwell : |
| it's a very small town full of already married or terrible people (haha). but it's okay. thank you for your note. and there is nothing wrong with not wanting children -- you can nurture people in so many ways, and it doesn't have to be that one. |
| from orangepeeler : |
| Girl with a Pearl Earring. I love that image. |
| from orangepeeler : |
| Thank you! It's been a week since my last cigarette, and I feel so much happier. :) |
| from lust- : |
| Thank you for the note. It helps to know that I'm not alone. I gained some insight and clarity and have realized that practicing self-forgiveness, as well as forgiveness to others is essential in moving forward and releasing the compulsion of curiosity in regards to exes. There's a Hawaiian meditation called Ho'oponopono, which is a practice of reconciliation and forgiveness. It's aided me in the past, so I'm going to listen to it often again. Maybe it will help you, as well! |
| from papotheclown : |
| I like that you know my name. I feel a certain almost inexplicable resonance when I hear from you or read your always beautifully worded thoughts. I don't know if I believe in past lives, but if there are, I suspect we were friends. |
| from alethia : |
| I feel that ache, too. I've been the last-girlfriend-before-they-got-married many many times. Like, why wasn't *I* good enough to marry? I still wonder sometimes. |
| from zenayda : |
| Oh my goodness, I am so very glad it didn't break again, and that you're okay. |
| from alethia : |
| Aah! I'm sorry you fell, and I'm sorry I didn't get your note in time! I will certainly keep you in mind next time I have to offload baked goods. I love hand made bath stuff. It makes me feel so fancy! |
| from lust- : |
| Thank you, m'dear. It does feel quite fucking good!xo |
| from dietcokegirl : |
| Thank you for your kind words. You're of course 100% correct. <3 |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| xxx |
| from loveherwell : |
| thank you so much for your note. sometimes it's hard to believe those sentiments until someone else says them to you. i love this bit on your 5/31 entry about seeing yourself in that picture -- you are confident and open to what the world has to offer, and it shows. |
| from whystinger : |
| Will they put a cast on your wrist to heal it or? BTW, I do like rhubarb. I have been watching my folks age and it can be, how can I describe it? Hard for me to describe. You get a similar feeling when you feel your own mortality. I thought I would lost that rock, when my folks moved to Virginia, but the next rock became their home in VA, now it is somewhere between their apartment and my sister's home. I guess wherever family is for me now, is where the rock resides. |
| from zenayda : |
| Thank you for your comment on the baby photo game. Come to think of it, I don't have any baby photos. I have photos from when I was a couple of years old, but I don't want those floating around the workplace. And yes, the whole thing is insensitive. Better ice-breakers would be a version of Jeopardy, Two Truths and a Lie, or some other thing where people can be as silly and as recent or historical as they want in what they share. One of my answers in a Jeopardy were "This staffer loves birds and will talk to them when she passes them on the street. She adopted the Capitals as her hockey team in 1994 and says she would not be able to die happy if they never win a Stanley Cup. When she was a teenager, she loved punk-rock music and used to wear a safety-pin in her ear." Point is, can we not be so PERSONAL if we don't want to be? |
| from papotheclown : |
| I'm so glad to hear that. You are more than deserving of them. |
| from papotheclown : |
| Your entries remind me of a perfectly manicured and curated garden. Your word choices and phrasing and all of it. It's always so visceral. |
| from zenayda : |
| THANK YOU for validating my thoughts on the baby shower. Inauthentic is absolutely right. Contrived. And as another friend said, to schedule it like it's a meeting? No, no, no, it's all wrong! P.S. I'll send you the recipe for the FOK strawberry-rhubarb muffins. They are dense, but good. Rhubarb! |
| from narcissa : |
| Shannon, srsly: *swoon* |
| from misfitstray : |
| Thank you for your note and the offer. I've been to BC serveral times for vacation-purposes. I mostly went hiking and canooing. I think that BC is the most beautiful land in the world. It has everything, my heart likes the most: oceans, lakes, hills, mountains, cities and villages. Nature is the thing that gives me the peace and energy. Where do you live in BC? |
| from lust- : |
| Utterly and almost unbelievably frustrating. My solace is that I triggered him more than he triggered me. Hah. Thank you, next! |
| from papotheclown : |
| The feeling is very much mutual. I relish every word of yours. |
| from zenayda : |
| " A precious bottle sent up from America, the president’s good-will towards its Northern neighbour." That brought a tear to my eye. |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| Hey, we are slightly late to the party but at least we made it right? Lol. I would raise my glass to us building immunity. Then propose a toast to life, love, and the pursuit of happiness. :) |
| from raven72d : |
| Glad you got an appointment. |
| from zenayda : |
| Russell is a wise man. You are indeed dealing with a lot. Glad you got an appointment! |
| from orangepeeler : |
| Apr. 21, 2021 - Happy Day! :) |
| from lust- : |
| I'm glad Russell provides you with validation. Sounds so comforting. |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| I am so happy for you! It sounds just perfect - I dream of seeing the sea from my window... xxx |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| Counting on forever xxx |
| from loveherwell : |
| i am doing well (overall) -- what about instagram? |
| from papotheclown : |
| You are safe. You are loved. I am so happy for you. The new place sounds (literally) heavenly |
| from lust- : |
| Yayyyy!!!💛✨💛 |
| from whystinger : |
| Congrats, sounds nice, the love you two share sounds even better. |
| from zenayda : |
| Congrats! Show us the view, if you feel comfortable. It sounds absolutely glorious! |
| from loveherwell : |
| the apartment sounds amazing. it may seem weird to say, but i am proud of you for taking such a big step. this seems so, so good for you. <3 |
| from jarofporter : |
| congratulations, that's a big step! |
| from warpednormal : |
| congratulations!! so exciting |
| from narcissa : |
| Yay, Congratulations! |
| from se7enchance : |
| Congratulations, Shannon. That's huge, for the both of you. Cheers, and good luck on your next chapter! |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| Ooh, nasty. I thought you were indestructible, lol xx |
| from zenayda : |
| OUCH! I hope it heals quickly! |
| from narcissa : |
| Remember that time we had coffee? I read your entries and remember your wide and beautiful smile xox |
| from jarofporter : |
| thanks for your notes - shouldn't be any issues with sleep quality, am only taking diphenhydramine which is simply an allergy med that makes you drowsy. |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| I'm glad you liked them :) All the most recent entries are me taking a moment in time and feeling it all over again. Once I'm ready and dripping with emotions my heart writes how I represent that here. Thanks for the note, Darlene and I send much love to you. |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| I would give all the money in the world to be able to write even 1/10th as beautiful as you do. Xo |
| from papotheclown : |
| Damn. Beautiful piece of writing. I am going to go read it again. |
| from se7enchance : |
| A scaldingly beautiful entry. Maybe reminiscent of -- "Happiness is only real when shared” |
| from loveherwell : |
| thank you very much <3 your most recent entry really resonated with me. i've read it three times already. |
| from narcissa : |
| Feb 24: Thanks S, I hadn't framed it like that, and it helps. I think my brother probably lived with this for years and hasn't reflected on it because we really never talked about any of this. |
| from narcissa : |
| Im catching up after time away. Your resilience shines through every entry, and I know it doesn’t just exist— You have done so much work to get here. Thanks for the wishes, and Happy new year, belatedly. I wish you another year of love and adventures. |
| from papotheclown : |
| Then I'd say the story has quite the happy ending. Thank you for your words (both those directed at me and in general). I enjoy reading you. |
| from papotheclown : |
| You'll see this one first, but it is the second note. I didn't think anyone was interested in that story. I'll write it today just for you. |
| from papotheclown : |
| Yes, fear of change, fear of a new way of being. Maybe a little fear that I am actually delusional and have no business in the business of creativity. That last one might be the biggest. The fear that I am not as good as I think. |
| from life-my-way : |
| You're so much more than okay--you're awesome! I can't wait for "New Normal" so I can invite you and Guy and Porter and Anna down to Magnolia Springs for a "reunion" of sorts. |
| from whystinger : |
| I do have and always have had a great imagination. |
| from whystinger : |
| Living apart from your significant other is actually not unconventional, it is traditional, but a tradition nobody follow before, same as waiting to have children until a couple is married. That said, in today's times it is a bit unconventional. As you feel you are afraid and it may be leftover from a previous relationship (Daniel), then you may simply not be healed up from that relationship, hence the caution and fears. You felt a trigger from Russell, that may be the indicator of healing is needed or you may feel something is wrong. That is why I still work with a therapist. |
| from whystinger : |
| I did the same thing - wrote the note, deleted and re-wrote, then really shortened it, then re-wrote it. I think I am getting an understanding on different aspects of racism and why there is denial. Some of it is hard (at this point) to articulate and is something that really needs discussion and education. There is more than one side to the story, but people's perception is their reality (and one reason for denial). Many do not realize when they do racist things and this isn't just the whites, it isn't just in the U. S. it is virtually all over the world. This makes it a real problem, but as humans, this is something we need to work on eliminating as our species (homo sapiens) grows and evolves. Educate and discuss. |
| from whystinger : |
| Thanks, that was a very good article and I may read it again. There is much that can be said, but I don't want to risk being misunderstood. I am on a quest to educate myself and am looking at all sorts of views (common, not extremist). I want to educate myself, as I see friends, (now) former friends and acquaintances who make no effort to learn the truth and simply believe what they see in memes (fear and rhetoric). Thanks for sharing the article! |
| from happyone : |
| 1/26/21: Oh, I have had MANY conversations with my husband about my need for alone time. He has heard me and understands. Unfortunately for me, there is just nowhere else for him to go. The house is home, too. He is not currently working and we have no family that live in the area for him to visit. He does have a friend he hangs out with, but it has been during the week while I'm at work. Sigh. It's rough lol |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| Ugh two typos on that note it was supposed to be “being “ and “improvising” ☺️ |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| All of our lives are like movies be projected onto this big blue marble we call Earth. The problem becomes that most of us are too busy acting out the script instead of improving so the outcome always remains the same. Thanks for the note xoxo |
| from zenayda : |
| Hey, kids and cohabitation are not for everyone. My ex-BF lived 2.7 miles from me, and we went that way for 6 years. It's okay to want a man in your life but not in your house. It's okay not to want kids. It's okay to be you. |
| from kelsi : |
| <3 |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| xxx |
| from raven72d : |
| Thanks! |
| from loveherwell : |
| thank you for both of your notes — i am hoping it will usher in more good things as well, for all of us!! (also, i am so tired that i originally posted it on my own notes and laughed for a really long time about it, hahaha.) |
| from sparkle-pink : |
| This is my first time watching the Ernest movies and I am loving them! They're ridiculous but it's charming. Jim Varney is so likeable and a joy to watch. |
| from alethia : |
| I AM THE LIZARD QUEEEEEEEEEEEN! |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| Thank you! Yes, the characters, Bella and Paul are from the first novel I wrote. They were teenagers then. One of the other women in the writing group has a work in progress and she uses the prompts to explore her characters, whether or not she might use the writing. I suddenly had the impetus to see where Bella was all these years later, as an adult now. I'm copying it up and saving it - I have about 7,000 words so far and I'm letting it gather and get to 20,000 and then I'll have a look and see what I think. xxx |
| from alethia : |
| I always try to live by "Do no harm but take no shit". I feel like you could use the saying, too, with the emphasis on the 'take no shit'. Go, you, go! |
| from sparkle-pink : |
| thank you! and happy birthday to you as well. |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| I'm late!! Late for sending you a happy birthday on that all-important date! But here I am now with a voice as big as the Grand Canyon!!!! Shouting HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SHANNON!!!! |
| from zenayda : |
| Happy birthday, sweetpea. May the coming year bring you nothing but good stuff. |
| from lust- : |
| 💛Your opinion is always valued. |
| from se7enchance : |
| Magnificent. |
| from orangepeeler : |
| Happy birthday, Swordfern. Take care. xx |
| from moodswing : |
| I love you, stranger. |
| from loveherwell : |
| happy late birthday -- you are here and you are alive. |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| Sometimes I wish we could talk on the phone. Belated happy birthday. It sounds as if it was wonderful - does it feel TOO wonderful? xx |
| from jarofporter : |
| glad to see an entry from you again! |
| from papotheclown : |
| Thank you so much for the Christmas greeting and the very flattering words. I honestly feel very much the same about you. I am in love with your writing. I hope this new year is full of wonderful surprises for you. |
| from se7enchance : |
| Shannon. Thank you for the holiday wishes, and I echo them back to you. Hoping your Christmas was lovely (as much as could be), and your New Years and the jettisoning of 2020 finds you well. I'm relieved to hear that my last comment did not offend. You're a razor sharp woman, and I felt you deserved more than the usual platitudes. Not sure I'd agree with your assessment about my seeing of the truth, but that's very kind of you to say, all the same. Thank you. Cheers, Shannon. <3 |
| from poetinthesky : |
| Hope all is well! You're a strong woman, don't forget it! |
| from loveherwell : |
| thank you so much for your lovely, lovely note. i share the same sentiment. you are such a strong, loving, and kind human being, and the world is better off with you in it. feel free to write as much as you want -- i am always happy to hear from you. merry christmas :) |
| from warpednormal : |
| I also just read your most recent entry today. I really hope you are feeling okay now that some time has passed. I definitely feel and relate to your confusion. My heart is with you |
| from warpednormal : |
| Thank you!!! I hope you also had a lovely Christmas. Reading your entries are always a highlight of my day xo |
| from lust- : |
| Merry Christmas, Shannon! Thank you for your respectful note. I kinda celebrate the holiday, but not with gifts. Capitalism, y'know? Haha. I'm sure you would expect nothing less from me. I appreciate your note of gratitude. I'm thankful that I've had the chance to read your words. Your perspective is always welcome. Hope the holidays treat you well and that the year ahead is full of beauty & love.💛✨ |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| Your note was so sweet that I'm still smiling thinking about it! When the Canadian mountain top deli opens Paige wants you to show her to rock climb up there. The mountain has an old gold mine that has been yielding precious gems. Nothing that will be found will be more beautiful and priceless than you! Merry Christmas! Xo |
| from whystinger : |
| I hope you are well and wishing y'all a merry Christmas and the best of the new year! |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| 12/19. Wishing you guys all the best this holiday season. Always know even if I don't write that much my thoughts are with you. Xo |
| from loveherwell : |
| thank you so, so much for your notes. that’s also what i was worried about, so i’m thankful that it is something that i can treat and that isn’t life-threatening. it’s such a strange thing to be dealing with relatively out of the blue and having it feel so very out of my control. but thank you for your care and concern — it’s very appreciated. i hope you are feeling a bit better after everything. <3 |
| from sparkle-pink : |
| thank you! my major motivation is because since I am now teaching piano, I better know how to play it. It's also a very rewarding hobby and I love furthering my education. my teacher is also fantastic which really helps to inspire. don't want to let her down! |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| Thank you so much for the awesome note! That little ray of sunshine helps me remember that life's not all bad. :) |
| from lust- : |
| Thank you for your perspective. I enjoy the idea of adding things of substance, which will naturally push out the things that do not add value. |
| from thruthecrowd : |
| Thank you ❤️ it really means a lot to me. |
| from achmardi : |
| sending love <3 |
| from sparkle-pink : |
| really hope you're okay. I am sick over what happened to you. |
| from se7enchance : |
| Terribly powerful and emotionally dense writing, indeed. If it *were* a dream, would that make it *less* illuminating? Was it naivete? Stupidity? Or are you affirming those things out loud for another reason? "Forgetting is just forgetting. Except when it's not. And then it's something else." Divisive as it may be, unarguably an incredible entry. And cheers to your writing of it. You are cherished and supported here, Shannon. That's Real. Hoping you're well. |
| from whystinger : |
| I am sort for the short note earlier, but I was sort of stunned and processing. First, I hope that you are ok. I want to be supportive, but Lord know, I do not know what that looks like now. My gut feeling is that you may have been drugged and whether or not, you have encountered a sexual predator. To me, no means no. Stop means stop. "We are not doing that" is another stop sign. He is an asshole. The signs were there for him to stop and he should have honored them. Rape is rape, it is an act of violence and control. Report it very soon. If he had protection and it is in your garbage can, bag it up and take it to the police too. Find out if it is too late to have a drug screen for date rape drugs. I am sorry that you went through this. |
| from whystinger : |
| I am hoping that your entry, "The Beach" is a dream, but I fear not. |
| from zenayda : |
| Just read yesterday's entry. I must pause for a moment and process, and get my own heart to stop pounding and my own stomach to stop churning and my own eyes to stop crying, and then I will drop you a line via email. You did not choose what he did to you. That much, I know. |
| from browndamask : |
| read your entry last night and woke up thinking about you today. nothing eloquent to say, just that my thoughts are with you. |
| from papotheclown : |
| I don't have much to say that hasn't already been said by other notes, but maybe some reaffirmation is a good thing. The guy absolutely should have stopped. And everything you were feeling up to that point (and after) makes perfect sense to me. I appreciate your honesty in writing it. Please be kind to yourself. |
| from lust- : |
| Fuck that guy. What an asshole. Please be compassionate with yourself. These are weird times. Everyone is longing for connection. |
| from loveherwell : |
| i wish i had something to say that would be insightful or helpful. this is such a confusing situation, and i just hope that you're okay. he should have stopped - no question. i really hope that you are okay. |
| from life-my-way : |
| Such a powerful and surprising entry today. I hope you're okay and being gentle with yourself. Life is so impossibly complex (now more than ever) and the concepts underlying monogamy are both too much and not enough--a recipe for failure in all but the rarest cases. Some things will be missing, others too much to bear, and all of it in a constant state of flux, of ebb and flow. Regardless of the outcomes of choices and situations, you remain perfect and trusting and fundamentally good. |
| from se7enchance : |
| Benign for you, perhaps. His experience on that rainy sidewalk may have been wildly different from yours. |
| from papotheclown : |
| I'm so glad. That makes me smile. |
| from papotheclown : |
| God, I love your writing so much. It feels so very present and soulful. |
| from whystinger : |
| I know that you do NOT have a hate-on for men, as I was being both supportive and also relating my experience. I have been blessed to work for a company that "seemed to value inclusiveness" by our actions, then came right out and put into writing that inclusiveness is one of our company's values. If you ain't inclusive, you ain't welcome here. Perhaps I shall write some time about how when I hired in, I was replaced by (gasp) a woman! Quite a story and not for your notes. |
| from portlypete : |
| More power to your activist elbow! I believe women have to fight harder to get to the top in engineering roles, and so, almost by definition, the cream will rise to the top. |
| from whystinger : |
| For the note below, the Service Manager was female and a damn good manager. |
| from whystinger : |
| Men can be idiots around women and at first I thought it was unintentional, then I noticed it isn't usually. I work in a male dominated industry and generally the women are outstanding. This will sound stereotypical, but they are more organized, LISTEN (they men think they know it all) and are willing to learn and try new ideas. Women have a tough time, even from other women. I remember working with a client at an Automobile dealership in the Service Department. A nice looking middle aged woman came up to the service desk, was greeted by the Service Manager, who asked "how can we help you?" The woman said "oh honey, I am having car trouble, please get me a man to help me with this." My jaw dropped and I wanted to jump up and say "you don't want to deal with most of the men here as they are all uncooperative, ignorant assholes who don't know what to do to get your car fixed, but she does." I was pretty pissed off and disappointed by the female customer. Case in point, the male co-owners drove the business into the ground and went out of business. |
| from se7enchance : |
| What an absolutely lovely entry. |
| from raven72d : |
| Thank you for the birthday wish! |
| from poetinthesky : |
| Omg, I love this. So happy for you!! |
| from lust- : |
| Sexy nurse outfit sounds so fun! So proud of you for pushing your boundaries a little to fulfil your partner's fantasy! Also, very amazing to hear you felt safe doing so. That's so important! |
| from life-my-way : |
| I would so love to take an awkward walk with you! In my dream world, my Dland friends come down to visit Magnolia Springs, stay in the front house as my guests, enjoy this amazing area and have coffee (and a walk!) so we get to know each other a bit. I've met Guy in real life, but no other Dland friends, and that is a travesty. So check us out (Magnolia Springs, AL), check flights into Pensacola (about 30 minutes from here) or Mobile (about an hour), grab Russell and come explore the great American Southeast and the amazing Gulf beaches! |
| from whystinger : |
| From your Nov 13 entry... I do need to find that woman, the most interesting one in the room. |
| from floodtide : |
| The entry quoting the notes from your co-workers moved me and stays with me. I've no doubt at all they are 100% accurate. They also indicate that you work in an environment where people are willing to see the good in others and to support each other. Many of the comments resonated with me because they reflect what is so vividly displayed in your writing: your passion for whatever you're doing at the moment, your resilience, your gentle but strong nature. But what really got me was this: " I also appreciate how you’ve pushed through many of your perceived boundaries and grown so much in the process." It says that at least some of your co-workers are also perceptive as hell. Because we all do that: PERCEIVE boundaries. Sometimes our perceptions are accurate and those boundaries are real; sometimes they exist only in our fearful imaginations. You actually make an effort to recognize the difference, and to deal with both appropriately. You march up to doors all the time and push through them even when - especially when - they scare the hell out of you. I admire that courage; I wish I always had it. You inspire. |
| from loveherwell : |
| the notes of appreciation were so, so lovely, and they really ring true. those people, your coworkers, really see you, and that's because of your strength and vulnerability to be yourself around them. re: your last note, you are echoing exactly how i have been feeling for... well, since march, i suppose. even though those moments will (thankfully) pass, we are still allowed to feel how we feel and make our way through those emotions (even when others are far worse off). i am hoping things will continue to improve. |
| from lust- : |
| Those notes of appreciation that were shared with you are so spot-on! "You care about bringing others along and including people so that it builds a stronger community." I love that one. I, too, appreciate the sense of community care that you put into everything you do. You're so deliberate and ethical in the way you put things out into the world. I think we both learn from each other, which gives me much hope on days when I feel I am lacking. Thank you!xo |
| from zenayda : |
| "Your quiet and calming nature and the thoughtful way you look at things." YES! That is what I, too,appreciate about you! When your name pops up in red on my list, I know I will read the words of one who reflects upon each moment she seeks to preserve here. |
| from sparkle-pink : |
| thank you for your kind words on the last few notes. I am so sorry for not responding sooner, I am so bad at replying to them. as for movies, I keep track of what I've seen in a notebook. there are so many must-sees that I loved. Some that immediately come to mind are the new Jumanji movies (the ones with Jack Black and The Rock). I haven't seen the very latest but I heard great things. But Jumanji: Welcome to the Jungle is amazing. La Vie on Rose. American History X. The Babysitter and The Babysitter: Killer Queen. The Platform. Eli. Spirited Away. Grave of the Fireflies. Million Dollar Baby. The Full Monty. Requiem for a Dream. Burn After Reading. Monster. No Country for Old Men. American Psycho. Pulp Fiction. Catch me if you Can. Chicago. Kill Bill vol 1 and 2. Goodfellas. Ghost World. The Wrestler. So many..... |
| from loveherwell : |
| i am lucky i do have a few friends who get it. but yes, it's exhausting -- and i'm sorry so many people do that to you just because they perceive (unfairly) that you are open and willing to be the person carrying their weights around too. so i'll ask you honestly -- how are *you* doing? |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| I never forget good people and your right near the top. Besides, I know you had to be running low on Cheetos by now so I had to drop off a new batch! xo |
| from raven72d : |
| Also...some great autumn entries at your diary. I love those. |
| from raven72d : |
| I'm definitely going to be working on the idea of what's in the liquor cabinet as status markers. |
| from poetinthesky : |
| Hi. I can completely relate to your current employment feelings. Hang in there! |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| Hey, dropped in to say wasssss upppp! Xoxo |
| from lust- : |
| Thanks for the birthday wishes & for checking in.xo |
| from thruthecrowd : |
| I'm more disorganized attachment. From all the psychology classes I've taken..really though there's no attachment style for people who never attached due to lacking family. They all assume interaction with others. I just had my mom. I can't go into details of that, but I was alone a lot. no attachment style fully fits. Disorganized is closest. |
| from dangerspouse : |
| I exist to serve. (Usually canapes.) |
| from dangerspouse : |
| "Rain soaks my pants and runs down my neck." Maybe try not hiking your pants so high. |
| from hiv : |
| Thank you for your kind note! I’m sure it would’ve been a spectacle to see from afar! Everyone had left about half an hour before (due to rain) and we basically had the beach and rain to ourselves ! And literally 20 minutes after everyone had left (we stayed behind to take pictures in the ocean) - the sky cleared up. It was like a cleansing and rebirth. Together. :) |
| from papotheclown : |
| Thank you so much. It means a lot hearing that from you. Your writing always feels like some sort of euphoric dream. I'm a fan. |
| from sparkle-pink : |
| RIGHT???? And it's the trifecta of inexperience over here- so young, an instrument I've basically taught zero of, and online. I'll manage and I'll get better. I'm so used to older students that I don't think to do show and tell where the student shows me a fukin roll of scotch tape that he loves. |
| from thruthecrowd : |
| Thank you ❤️ I really appreciate your note and your kindness. |
| from portlypete : |
| Hi, I just happened across your diary. I know nothing of the history between your father and yourself. I would just say that I think your boss is being unreasonable. When you signed up for this job, did you say you would be available 24 hours a day? He is just defending his position (that's what bosses do). You say you are doing a good job and I believe you, so believe yourself and don't connect two totally disparate issues. Sorry to butt in uninvited, but I just felt so angry at the bullying attitude of your management and sad that your relationship with your dad seems not so great. Remember, 'you ARE loved' and that is all that matters. |
| from raven72d : |
| Fine writing. |
| from lust- : |
| "Would I invite this person into my life today, if I just met them?" Thank you for posing that question. It brings perspective. |
| from alethia : |
| For me, I find being criticized by older men difficult because I see the same people mentoring young men my age. The young men get mentored, the young women get nitpicked. I feel like I'm working twice as hard to be taken half as seriously, and I hate it. |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| I feel that previous generations were brought up to be tough. There was no safety net, so they had to be strong to survive. No mollycoddling. Maslov's pyramid of needs and all that. My dad called his father sir. He wanted to be different but didn't really know how. Not much help to us though x |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| 30/9 - yeah, me too with the dad thing. I wrote about that today as well, obliquely. Hope you feel better now xx |
| from catsoul : |
| 9.30.2020. Hi. I feel what you wrote about your email you got from your boss. My dad never has said that he loves me. He was and still is an authoritarian. I try to get approval from him. I have worked so hard to let that feeling go. Here is a sister hug to you. Peace. =^..^= |
| from loveherwell : |
| i just wanted to let you know that sometimes i come across the notes you leave other people when i'm leaving notes too, and it is so clear that everything you write comes from a place of such kindness and consideration. i truly aspire to that. i hope you're well <3 |
| from alethia : |
| It was the second installment of a Firefly graphic novel. He gave me the first one for my birthday a couple years ago. The thought is nice, but I've never really liked graphic novels. I do like Firefly though. |
| from dangerspouse : |
| That was a beaver indeed. |
| from loveherwell : |
| i am so happy to hear that you watched it and that it affected you in a similar way! it has honestly stayed with me (both the show and the book, really) quite a while after the fact. |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| xxx |
| from loveherwell : |
| that's a very helpful way to look at it, actually (thank you). i think i get so stuck in my head because i live in a very small town with very few people i don't know (and because the majority of the people here are not politically aligned with me) so i see staying here as a literal pause in my life (i won't find someone to love, i won't be able to explore, etc.) even while i am actually moving forward in several bits of my life (getting certified to teach french, taking more lessons and improving my french, spending more time with my family, etc.). but i'm going to think on this more -- i haven't look at it (purposefully) in this way and i think this is going to be very helpful. thank you again for your point of view and your kind words. |
| from loveherwell : |
| reading your entries just make me so happy <3 |
| from lust- : |
| Thank you for your kind words, Shannon.xo |
| from orangepeeler : |
| Your entries always leave me with a sense of serenity, which is very necessary during these times. |
| from lust- : |
| Thank you! It not only shows that we assert our worth, it shows the employer the distance they are willing to go for an employee. Really just good vibes all around! |
| from whystinger : |
| The mandatory trip to Niagra Falls is a commitment I made to a former lover years ago. If we didn't marry, we would meet at one spot in Niagra Falls on my birthday (a certain birthday) and meet each other's family, visit and catch up. It is one of two birthdays and hopefully it is the second one on my mind. It was decided when we went to Niagra Falls many years ago. I may have written about it somewhere in my diary. I should go over it again to pull it out of my memory. |
| from whystinger : |
| I do love Vancouver and would love to some day explore that area! Now I understand the climbing opportunities more and I know nothing of the Canadian political system, even though at one time I lived near Ontario. That reminds me that I should go to Niagra Falls this year in September, but I think the mandatory trip will be in four years. Yes, I still use checks (cheques), mainly for mail in bills and payments. I do use a lot of eBill pay, but like cheques as I grew up with them. Using cash or a cheque causes a bit of pain when you spend it, so it helps one manage their money. My ex-wfie could control her spending when using cash, but not when using credit or electronic payments. |
| from kelsi : |
| Thanks! The house really does seem perfect - and I wasn't even expecting to be doing this right now! <3 |
| from se7enchance : |
| They (ANB2) are right: you *are* a writer. Absolutely. You are what you do. |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| You are a writer, Jeez! All that stuff will come - this is now, that's in the future. xx |
| from catsoul : |
| 8.24.2020. Thanks ever so much for your note and hug. I did shower and wash my hair on Sunday morning, so that is a win-win for me. Then I went outside and now I have the frizzy, hippie hair look going on. Gotta love the heat and humidity. Thanks again. Peace. =^..^= |
| from whystinger : |
| Thank you. I had to go back and edit a few things, as they were written in haste. I am curious where you live. If you don't want to list it here, send me an email whystinger"at"yahoo. |
| from raven72d : |
| Thanks! (And--- your 22 August sunset swimming entry is lovely indeed). |
| from lust- : |
| August 22nd entry: What a beautiful reminder. |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| Awwwww ty! Big hug to you too! Whenever I see happy people enjoying their lives I think about how you are doing. Xoxox Cheetos! |
| from dangerspouse : |
| Thanks for the note back! I have decided after much consideration that I will refuse to accept that poster as parody, and continue with my plans to visit BC and the Glory Holes therein (after obtaining the appropriate girth related injury insurance). Regards your other point, I do feel the need to clarify something (since this is one of the few times I've ever had a chance to do so, and also because I'm self-centered). Spontaneous regeneration of behavior refers to the resurfacing of behaviors that are innate in a species, not behaviors affected by life events. It's a subtle, but important, distinction. Still, I'm willing to assign it to your own sudden traumatic dream because I know no one here is going to call me out on that distinction, and because re-reading notes with big words that I've left other people gives me the sort of ego boost I so desperately crave. Thank you. |
| from dangerspouse : |
| ps. I can't tell you how crushed I was to read at the bottom of the page, "This site is a work of satire. Nothing you read here is real." I was all set to book my trip up until then :( |
| from dangerspouse : |
| I'm sorry for the late reply, but I only now just stopped laughing. There are very, very few things in this life that are beyond parody, but that glory hole poster is one of them. Hard to pick a favorite - even the Wes Craven photograph is a close contender - but if pressed, I gotta choose the suggested gender-neutral expression of unbridled passion: "I am appreciative of this moment of tenderness". I can't wait to use that on NewWifey(tm) and watch the reaction! I predict it will be even less welcome than the pat on the head and "Atta girl" was on our honeymoon. (Nice to know police officers in uniform "with above average girth" are covered by insurance should injury occur. Service and protect!) |
| from dangerspouse : |
| The guys were whistling at the hole in the ground, not you. You know how guys are. Any hole will do. Even the crack of dawn isn't safe. Don't take offense. Nature of the beast, and all that. |
| from loveherwell : |
| you are 110% right. it is interesting having things like that proved correct over and over again. i love the entry about your dreams -- how absolutely powerful you must be feeling now for it to seep all the way into your subconscious! this is such a good, wonderful sign for your life. |
| from dangerspouse : |
| There's a well known behavioral science phenomenon called "spontaneous regeneration of behavior" which states that innate behaviors can be suppressed to the point of seeming to be completely eradicated, but one day out of the blue and for no apparent reason that behavior will reappear. It may only reappear for that one instance, or it may continue. But it will reappear. In school we were given the example of raccoons. Raccoons will by instinct wash their food if they are near water. But if you raise one as a pet you can train it not to do so rather easily (props to B.F. Skinner!). However one day, perhaps years later, that same raccoon who has not washed his food since pup-hood will suddenly take a piece of his breakfast Kibble, march over to his water bowl, and give that Kibble a good scrub. He may or may not do it again, but it will almost always happen at least once. I'm not saying this is why your Daniel dream popped up after a period of absence. Really, I'm not. I'm just trying to sound smart. Did I...? :) |
| from raven72d : |
| 28. July 20 -- Good definition! |
| from loveherwell : |
| i love that last line on july 23!! yes!! this encompasses everything we should all be hoping to feel!! |
| from raven72d : |
| Well, I'll be reading along with you, if that's okay. And please feel invited to read through my journal. I've been at it through these last...eighteen years. |
| from raven72d : |
| 15 July 20 -- Amazing, vivid, inspiring summer images. |
| from loveherwell : |
| that was actually very helpful to read. it’s given me a lot to think about — thank you! |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| Today was a very rough day with lots of tears. I just wanted to say thank you again for such a lovely note. Xoxo Cheetos! |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| Thanks for your note. I needed to hear that, to remember that it's a big thing, not a small thing. xxx |
| from lust- : |
| I have not charted my cycle that way, but will look into it. I used an app before when I was regularly menstruating, but I only spot once in a while now because of the hormonal IUD. I'm actually really looking forward to buying ethically made period panties! |
| from warpednormal : |
| oh my heart <3 |
| from lust- : |
| Such courage.💛 |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| Your note was so beautiful and touching. You are very sweet, thank you! Going through this journey my sadness knows no bounds. Sometimes I wonder, If I'm like this at the beginning what wIll I be like at the end? |
| from dangerspouse : |
| Hey, thanks so much for the note! And now that you said the "L Word", I hope you both have as long lasting and happy a life together as me and whatshername. You deserve it :) |
| from loveherwell : |
| !!!!!!!!!!!! :D |
| from jarofporter : |
| mutual 'i love yous', very sweet - good for you for saying it! |
| from zenayda : |
| Re: "Loved," YAAAAAYYYYYYY! |
| from aryssa90 : |
| Thank you for your thoughtful note! I was thinking about it a lot while camping this weekend and it gave me some courage to talk with Tim about it. We have a slight plan in place and then we're going to just kind of go from there. It's mostly frustrating because when he's drinking we are 100% sexually compatible and now that he's sober my drive is way higher than his but I would never want him to break his sobriety. But your note gave me the courage to discuss even that part with him. So thank you! |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| Hi, Thanks for your kind words. Her chemotherapy starts in 2 weeks and the risks are high. I want to turn the world upside down to make her better but I can't. It's hard not to feel like anything but a failure because she is sick and I let her down. Take care. |
| from warpednormal : |
| haha yes, for a second I was like...is he reading my entries or something?? Thank you for your support. I started playing music and painting, and its certainly helped with this idea that I'm missing out on something just because he's out pursuing his passions. I've got them too. So lovely to read your last entry...you capture moments so beautifully. |
| from loveherwell : |
| your last entry makes me so happy. i love that we're able to read these moments of yours, where you're so sure of yourself and your place in this world. it's really wonderful. |
| from narcissa : |
| thanks s, it is so protracted that it's hard to grieve. And sadder still to not be able to visit. |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| The sun,,,,,, that is an apt description because without it I’m darkness. Thank you for the note. Xo |
| from whystinger : |
| When the manipulations don't work and they get upset and escalate, I believe it indicates other/more problems. For example, there is a distinct possibility that my ex was BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). If so, she probably was very high functioning. She also wouldn't/couldn't come right out and tell me what she wanted. She thought "if you really love me, you would just know." |
| from lust- : |
| Many systems need to be burned down and restructured. I know it is going to take time, but I'm glad that things are being brought to light. I'm not sure how many white males work at each facility that is owned by Extendicare/Espirit, but I know that the CEO is a white male. There's actually a lot of diversity in the home I work in and only three white guys work there out of 40ish staff. A cook, a server, and the maintenance manager. I relate to much of what you wrote about in your latest entry (06/16). Being haunted by memories, generational inheritances, absent needs. I hope you're able to discover your needs and when they are not being met, be able to set boundaries, which will be honoured. I also hope you are able to honour your own needs and find a sense of empowerment and self-love through the process. There's beauty in recognizing what you are lacking and being able to give it to yourself when necessary. Sending compassion.xo |
| from whystinger : |
| 06-16 "You won't get your needs met until..." Surprising that someone said that, but that must have been some relationship - it sounds like he was abusive and manipulative. Pushing the fault back on you, or he accurate read what you wanted (needs being met) and exploited that. My ex was a master manipulator and I spent time in therapy learning to recognize her manipulations and changing my reaction to them. That should have changed the relationship but it did not, she only doubled down. Glad that you are out of that relationship! |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| Well, we are but the product of our lives so far. On we go. xx |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| Thanks for your note! I had a great day. Check this out https://coda.org/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/Am-I-Co-Dependent-Bro-4002.pdf and see if many of them resonate - it is complex and lots of the points are just being a human not a saint, but if too many of them apply... The book is Co-dependent No More by Melody Beattie. I am so glad we're friends. I take courage from your posts. We can do this! xxx |
| from warpednormal : |
| Hahaha yeah exactly. We never win anytime we try to compare ourselves! Gotta remember that |
| from loveherwell : |
| i am finding more and more lately that the gift of friendship, the love shared between friends, might be the most powerful love we can experience. it is so special to share fifteen years of your life with someone wonderful like that. |
| from sparkle-pink : |
| Thanks for your note. After a good sleep, and also talking to Laura today, I feel better. You're right, she is a grown adult and is in control of her choices. I know she didn't mean to hurt anyone, she just reacted poorly. She is feeling fine!! |
| from lust- : |
| Why do you think you felt dead inside at the protest? Was it a coping mechanism? |
| from loveherwell : |
| that might be the truest thing i’ve ever read! that is so well-put. oh man, now i’m gonna be thinking about that for days, haha! thank you. |
| from warpednormal : |
| You’re right and I totally agree. For me personally, I find it so interesting that he feels so passionate about climate change and the rainforests and the animals but doesn’t seem to feel the same burning anger towards the violence and oppression towards groups of people. Maybe something he just needs to reflect in himself, but I just feel caring about the planet is akin to caring about the people in it too, it’s all connected. |
| from loveherwell : |
| you're absolutely right. it's such a struggle how long these realizations take, and the fact that we have to keep having them again and again and again. i am proud of the fact that you made the tough decision to stay on your own for a bit longer. sometimes that is so difficult to do -- we want to fold ourselves together with someone else so much that taking the time to recognize our own needs and wants becomes harder. and you're right -- you'll know when you're ready! |
| from nineofswords : |
| Thanks for the kind note. :-) |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| :) Thinking about you guys as well xoxo |
| from lust- : |
| The course is an introduction to fundraising so we don't go into grant writing. I'd have to take another course for that. Something I was considering, but not entirely sold on just yet. I'm still trying to decide if I want to get the full Fundraising Management certificate. Online learning is hard and I'm not sure if I'm dedicated enough to commit to anything more. I'll figure it out! Lots of options out there. |
| from dangerspouse : |
| I LOVE YOU, MAN!! :) |
| from sparkle-pink : |
| YES. So many mama ducks with their flock of lil duckies. Ducks are my favourite animal so it fills my heart with joy to see them. There are even road signs warning drivers about the ducks! |
| from narcissa : |
| 5/26: ahh! your entry reminded me of the EXACT moment I fell in love with BT. Gliding down a hill in mtl, late night, summer, doubling on his bike. Nice memory, maybe a bit bittersweet, but definitely sweet. Nice to hear you doing so well :) |
| from floodtide : |
| Can I just say it made me inordinately happy that the pedestrian called out "You got this!" Not entirely sure why. Probably something to do with so few people expressing encouragement or solidarity instead of division these days. Bless you. |
| from dangerspouse : |
| Shame you can't post pictures of some of the stunning landscapes you describe. Or even the beer. (Especially the beer.) |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| Ah - that's the best - sharing enjoyment of something that makes you feel good anyway... So happy for you x |
| from jarofporter : |
| it's better that you missed it... |
| from warpednormal : |
| That means a lot to me because I feel the same way reading yours. I could have sworn he said I love you a couple of entries back, he might just not be the kind that says it all the time? He’s definitely saying it in other ways though. He might even be waiting for you to say it too xo |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| Can I ask why you don't tell him you love him? None of my business, obvs. xx |
| from loveherwell : |
| that made me so happy -- you made my day!! i have struggled with that idea of who is allowed to be a "real runner" for years, but i always come back to the fact that if you run, you're a real runner. happy running to you! |
| from loveherwell : |
| i am glad you were able to find the strength and courage to confront something that was scary for you -- even when faced with things that could render an unwanted result, you're still able to ask for what you need. that's admirable. |
| from whystinger : |
| I am glad that you asked him and got an answer. Even better you received an answer that you needed and also removed the pain. :-D |
| from narcissa : |
| xox |
| from zenayda : |
| Not Claddagh, but close! A ring to show he wasn't available. Well, I may have gotten both of your marital statuses wrong, but WHEW, thank goodness there was a simple and reasonable explanation. So happy for you. <3 |
| from zenayda : |
| I wonder if it was a Claddagh ring. Sometimes peopole wear Claddagh rings but are not married in the legal sense. That would explain him calling it a partnership and not a marriage. And for some reason, I thought *you* had been married before, as well. |
| from lust- : |
| I'm glad you took the time to go within and find the answers to your pain. You have shown tremendous growth since your last relationship ended and are truly blossoming in the love you are currently in. It is such a beautiful gift to read your words and witness the things you have overcome in order to bring you where you are today. Your healing, your journey and your love are so spectacular. |
| from warpednormal : |
| Sigh I felt that last entry so deeply. You have such a beautiful and wise perspective. It’s hard when the past triggers insecurities and everything we haven’t exactly worked through, but it’s worth it. You totally have the courage to love xo |
| from whystinger : |
| If the picture of the ring bothers you, ask him. Hell, ask him anyway. It may be painful, it may not be painful. Ask and have peace. |
| from floodtide : |
| SO MUCH WISDOM in your new post. You inspire me with your maturity and perspective; you are exemplary. All that you've written is true. But ask for what you need to know. I will tell you this: when you stand up in front of others, and declare publicly that your commitment is not only for now but forever, it matters. It makes a difference. And when that ring slips onto your finger, you cross a line. One you didn't know was there, but it is. And it doesn't matter how long you've lived together, how long you've been partnered. The public declaration - and the AFFIRMATION those people show you - and that little circle of gold - change things. |
| from zenayda : |
| I don't know why, and I am way out of practice when it comes to relationships so take this with a huge grain of salt, but for some reason I was under the impression he had been married before, or at least engaged or in a very long-term cohabitating relationship. As I read along over the past year, your relationship struck me as a coming together of two people who had the common experience of having been married before and had now found with each other what they originally had hoped to have with their exes. It could be also that, in my experience at least, folks who have been married before are often very slow to profess their love, for a variety of reasons, and it seemed that was the case with both of you. It sucks to find out anything via photograph, though. Been down that road a few times myself and it made me feel like I didn't know the person as well as I thought I did. It also hurt when he knew that level of history about me, like I had been the only one willing to go out on that limb and share. It made me wonder why he didn't take the opportunity to say "me, too" when I told him I had been married before. I hope you can work this out. |
| from orangepeeler : |
| Crap. I'm so sorry. xx |
| from floodtide : |
| I know I have nothing to say that can help. Just want you to know that there are a bunch of us out here who are on your side - who love and respect you and want you to have only the best because you deserve no less. The wedding ring stopped my heart, so I can't even begin to imagine how hard it must have struck you. And yet - maybe there is an explanation? I know that's feeble, but I can't help hoping. You have all kinds of virtual hugs and loving energy aimed at you from Northern Michigan. |
| from warpednormal : |
| I hope after the shock settles you’ll be able to talk to him. I’m so sorry, that’s really tough :( |
| from zenayda : |
| Funny, I was just thinking of my ex the other day and came to the conclusion that while I loved him, toward the end I just didn't *like* him. That's such an odd and conflicted feeling, and the surest indication that it's time to move on. |
| from missgoldfish : |
| We don't know each other, but I just wanted to drop by to let you know that I happened upon your journal and I love your writing. It's poetic and beautiful and relatable and real, and inspiring. |
| from dietcokegirl : |
| Because he's operating from a sad place. He gets angry and jealous. He's afraid to share how he feels when he clearly cares a lot. His feelings inside of not feeling lovable and being afraid of being abandoned or cheated on, causes him to lash out or act overly controlling and jealous and this tends to push people away and bring about the very thing he's afraid of. I don't want to go anywhere. I want him to trust me. I want him to know he's safe with me .. but it's hard sometimes. |
| from loveherwell : |
| ironically, i was having a conversation with this person last night about feeling seen. i think you're right. knowing what your needs are and making sure that they are met (or doing away with what/who doesn't meet them) is important. also, it's truly a highlight when you post a new entry -- i love hearing about how happy you are. it gives me hope. (i also love reading about the less-than-happy times because you write about them so truthfully.) loving deeply perhaps really is the key. |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| On your 4/28/20 entry, I can picture you dancing the finale with Russell. You run from across the room and jump into his arms and he holds you above his head. Or him walking up to the table and saying “nobody puts Baby in a corner.” (great movie as you can tell I have seen it a few times lol) Thank you for the note on my update about Soccara. I figured it was time for a light-hearted fun entry about what was going on. Keep up the smiles and stay safe xoxo |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| Thank you for that lovely note. I feel very scared for the consequences of people not taking it seriously, though as I'm avoiding the news I don't know how widespread it is in Canada. We have to make our own choices when those around us are behaving recklessly - but this is no time to be risking the glorious future. Just looked up the Texas two-step - keep on dancing ! Hugs xxx |
| from orangepeeler : |
| 28-4:Beautiful. |
| from warpednormal : |
| ah yes, the untethered soul. one of the first books I read about what it means to be the observer of ones thoughts rather than just the thinker. maybe I should re-read it. its hard to put it into practice sometimes. |
| from dangerspouse : |
| Was he singing a Cindy Lauper song to you...? |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| xxx |
| from kelsi : |
| Thanks! I'm always happy to see an entry from you and to hear how your life is progressing. Funny you mention sourdough, I actually just made a loaf this week - it turned out pretty good! :) |
| from loveherwell : |
| transitioning from one role to another is always difficult, but having to do it in times like this, i imagine it’s ten times more difficult. it is so hard to be kind to ourselves normally — but i think (as you similarly said to me) that it’s more important now to try. i’m sorry this is a difficult transition for you, but i am confident that you’re doing much better than you think. any mistakes you’re making now are allowing you to grow and learn and become better. i hope it all gets easier soon. |
| from loveherwell : |
| thank you so much for your note. it's something that i needed to read. it's good to remember. and it's something i feel every time i read one of your entries. it makes me feel so hopeful to witness someone living the way she wants to live, taking risks, and doing things in a way that's full of love. |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| The house has been quieter after two days worth of crying. Their faces are composed but you can see the hurt lying just below the surface. I nervously ask for an update knowing already the dad's condition is bleak. They are all basically just waiting for that final call. Maybe, there is a slim chance he could pull through but it's unlikely. The situation with the mom and others still has to play itself out. From what I hear they have milder cases than the dad. My own situation has been alternating between anxiety and loneliness.because of Soccara being in Mastic helping out. Mostly I just box that kind of feeling up and pretend I'm ok. Just business as normal I say,,, but every now and then the seal breaks and those feelings take over. Take care, stay safe. Xoxo |
| from catsoul : |
| 4.17.2020. Thank you for you lovely words, especially about having deep conversations. I also appreciate your concern about the virus. Yes Randy works in the medical profession. So far all the virus tests they have taken in his work facility have come back negative, so he is allowed to come home to me. If Randy gets the virus, I am sure I will get it also. If that happens, then we will deal with it. I am and have been at peace within myself for years. Thank you. Take Care. Be safe. Peace. =^..^= |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| The mood is not much better today. The doctor called and said her father's condition is deteriorating. Her mother was also infected but has not been hospitalized yet. Take care, and stay safe xoxo |
| from papotheclown : |
| Thank you so much. I have to say I really love reading your entries as well. They have such a lovely dreamlike quality to them. |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| Cheetos xoxo |
| from warpednormal : |
| is it possible we are in the same relationship? lol my partner recently gave me the best full body massage ever too while we were stuck at home. |
| from se7enchance : |
| Part of what makes your time so cherished is the scarcity. Part of what you wanted, is the wanting. Cheers~ |
| from lust- : |
| Thank you.💛 |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| I struggle to capture happiness in my posts but sadness flows freely and easily. Thank you so much for reading it and the notes. Xoxo |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| I cried when I wrote it xoxo |
| from lust- : |
| Honestly, I'm at the point where I don't want any man to discover and appreciate me. Hah. Totally done with 'em. Focusing on the people that are already in my life and if more good folks happen to come around, then great, but I'm not going to open myself up to that for a while. Thanks for the kind words of support toward my yoga journey. There are so many different forms of yoga out there, I'm looking forward to discovering more of what direction I will go toward. Have a sunshiney day!xo |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| Thanks - I agree! How's Russell doing? Hope you're both well xx |
| from dangerspouse : |
| 3/25...how's Russel now? You ok yourself? |
| from aryssa90 : |
| Thank you! It’s been hard to think of positive things to write about during this lockdown, I hope you’re taking care and everything is wel! |
| from kelsi : |
| Yeah! I was sad for a few minutes thinking I wouldn't get to ride to work anymore, and then I realized I could do a faux-commute. It's been nice and gets me out of bed earlier! Hope you're doing well, getting over your cold - and I hope your boyfriend starts feeling better soon! What weird times. |
| from alethia : |
| Oof. I hope he heals up fast. I'm glad he has no fever. It's wild out there. Take care of yourselves. If you need something dropped off on your doorstep, I'm just kicking around. |
| from se7enchance : |
| "I empty a drawer and organize the contents. The yellow police tape wrapped around the children’s playgrounds. The vast swaths of empty shelves at the grocer." *Magnificus Vastitus* |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| I came here to write what is already written below - all of us are lucky in some respects but also not - this is a terrible thing and we have all lost the lives we were living - it's right to have feelings about that xx |
| from loveherwell : |
| despite the good thing you may or may not be lucky to have right now, it’s hard. you’re allowed to have feelings about it and to feel it as what it is — a struggle, something difficult we all have to get through. your luck doesn’t minimize your pain. |
| from loveherwell : |
| that would be truly lovely. |
| from narcissa : |
| wait.. did I hallucinate an entry? Were you sick? Are you fine? I am in DC.. agonized about going home to my parents but decided it was not smart to travel and then take that to their home. xox it is spring. |
| from jarofporter : |
| thank you for the note, it's been a while, and i miss them! |
| from lust- : |
| 💛💛💛 |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| You are such a darling. I hope you're keeping safe and well. |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| Thank you for your note - I am trying to see this as an opportunity too. But, you know, Bloke... sigh. I look forward to your next installment. Take care, my dear. xx |
| from lust- : |
| I'm known for my blunt honesty and often have to preface it by asking people if they truly want my opinion. You are each other's loves and that sounds beautiful, but I do hope you are able to gain courage to ask for more. You got this! |
| from se7enchance : |
| That was an excellent entry. |
| from lust- : |
| I think others see how worth it you are, but it is tough to get the words out, just as it has been tough for you to say those three words. Validation is priceless. You have been putting so much into yourself and others and I truly hope you get the reassurance you desire. Thank you for the kind note. I feel the light slowly shining again, as well and it is a wonderful feeling.xo |
| from floodtide : |
| I am very moved by your entry about being worthy of love without trying to be the people your parents and grandparents and various men wanted you to be. The unfairness of that raw deal: I did everything you told me to do, and everything you DIDN'T say, to be perfect, and your love was conditional anyway. And often withdrawn. I REALLY didn't get being told AFTER your run that it had been your chance to "vent." |
| from loveherwell : |
| that you are worth jumping into the abyss - i love that and it rang so true for me. |
| from jarofporter : |
| definitely worth it |
| from warpednormal : |
| Oh I feel the exact same reading yours! So exciting to witness your relationship flourish and I love how I know exactly what you’re describing when you’re writing about the different spots in Vancouver. Feels like I’m there :) |
| from terryp : |
| Thanks for adding me. It helps the writing to know someone might be reading. :) |
| from warpednormal : |
| I did it. Asked him directly about it :) it went so well I cant believe I’ve been in my head about it for 3 whole days! Thanks for encouraging me it made a real difference xo |
| from terryp : |
| I'm finally writing here again after about seven years. Happy to find your diary. A real writer! I'll be back. |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| I would drive to the end of the earth to get you! Any time day or night :) |
| from warpednormal : |
| Haha yeah I’ve thought about asking- just not sure how just yet. He shows me so much love, I’ve just moved in and we’ve really talked about a future together so it would seem really out of nowhere to bring it up. I look up my ex for the same reasons I think as well- mostly curiosity. Thanks so much for the feedback- I was getting way too in my head about it. |
| from warpednormal : |
| Your trip to Japan sounds awfully lovely by the way :) |
| from warpednormal : |
| Oh it’s super lame haha. He was trying to show me a video on Instagram and I saw that one of his recent searches was of his ex- and I’ve always felt strangely insecure about her given how gorgeous she looks on social media. So I guess one of my fears was that he still wanted to be with her, but that’s the only “proof” I’ve seen. I mean I check my exes pages here and then too so who knows. |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| Aw brilliant. Thank you for sharing this. xx |
| from kelsi : |
| Oh awesome, I'd love to go to Japan! Enjoy! |
| from lust- : |
| Ah, husband! So sweet! I love seeing the photos of the two of you adventuring together. It's so special and warms my heart. Thank you for sharing your life and love.xo |
| from narcissa : |
| hi friend. i took a long break from d-land. i am so happy you're so happy - i've loved reading your entries this year. i hope you have a really wonderful trip. xoxox |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| Have a great time and be safe! Xoxo |
| from whystinger : |
| I read the words: "...we rest beside the cerulean lake" and I smile as I know exactly the color of the lake in my mind. Thanks. |
| from alethia : |
| I haven't decided. I'm having a big sulk and a big drink and a big think first. I think the rest of my friends are still going to do Japan, but I'm not sure. Could just be my disappointment talking right now. |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| I intend to be more active with my notes so prepare for more smiles! :) xoxo |
| from alethia : |
| My cruise got cancelled by the line because of concerns about coronavirus. :( No Japan for me this time. |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| Ski smile is so narrow no? Why not you have one of the greatest smiles I've ever seen! :) a beautiful snow angel with her smile glistening in the sun. I can almost see the image in my mind as I'm writing about it. Take care xoxo |
| from loveherwell : |
| this entry is just so lovely. i’m so pleased for you. |
| from papotheclown : |
| What a beautiful and sensual last entry. Your love is delightful. Enjoy Japan. |
| from lust- : |
| That is going to be so romantic & blissful! Y'all deserve it! |
| from alethia : |
| I'm doing a cruise up and down the coast, starting from Tokyo, then ending with a few days just hanging around the city. I haven't been on a cruise ship since that shit job working on one. We'll see how it goes. |
| from lust- : |
| There are many things that wouldn't be happening if I wasn't still living with the parents. I'm aware of that. What part of Japan are y'all going to, will it be somewhere you can continue skiing together? Seems as if the whole dland community is excited for your trip!xo |
| from loveherwell : |
| thank you <3 also, JAPAN!? that's so amazing! you're going to have such a lovely time together. i'm so excited for you! |
| from alethia : |
| When are you going to Japan? I'm going to be there in late April. |
| from floodtide : |
| Japan?!?!? WOW!!! I am so happy to read that you are so happy. |
| from floodtide : |
| Did you follow any of the links I posted? I was especially hoping you would watch the videos of the scenes from "RED" - the ons I shot with my former student David. Ages ago you asked to see samples of my acting work and these - while not fully representative - are all I have. I hope you saw and enjoyed them. If you were NOT impressed I won't take it personally; please do't worry that you'd offend me. I just wanted to share the work with you. |
| from lust- : |
| Thank you. I didn't have any of those qualities on the list I made. &you are courageous, open-minded, generous, caring & eloquent.xo |
| from dangerspouse : |
| Hey babe, thanks for the birthday wishes! (And, uh, the "healing energy". Are you in our HMO?) Oh my god, NO! Not engineers!! Lol. I'm so glad you're doing well. All your posts have been very heartening since you took my advice and kicked that troglodyte to the curb. Congrats on the life you were meant to live! :) |
| from floodtide : |
| Long ago you asked if I could show you some samples of my work as an actor. Links are in the entry from afternoon of 1/28/20. https://flloodtide2.blogspot.com/ |
| from papotheclown : |
| I found myself quoting from your latest entry to a friend last night. "All of this. I created all of this from nothing." Such a beautiful and hopeful phrase. I'm enjoying your words. |
| from papotheclown : |
| Hello, new friend. It's nice to meet you. Looking forward to reading more of you. |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| Love you xx |
| from lust- : |
| You deserve all of this abundance that life has gifted you. Thank you for your note. I'm trying really hard to take all the good in with all the 'bad.' |
| from se7enchance : |
| LessThanThree, and thank you |
| from warpednormal : |
| Sayyy it! Haha I had to be a little drunk the first time I told my boyfriend but once one of us said it out loud we couldn’t stop, and it feels so great. |
| from sparkle-pink : |
| thanks for the birthday note! |
| from aryssa90 : |
| Tim and I would cook a lot together, it’s not something I’m great at doing alone. Like I’m fine at cooking but I find excuses to just eat out. And I don’t really want to work more. Like I do, because I’ll make more money, but working 60 hours a week doesn’t seem that appealing especially when I could be going and doing fun things. But since I’m not really seeing the person I used to do most of the fun things with it takes away the need to make a decision. Thank you for your note <3 |
| from loveherwell : |
| thank you for your note - it actually made me feel a lot better. i love reading about how happy the two of you are. |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| That sounded blissful - Jan 16th xx |
| from whystinger : |
| The Four Agreements retreat in Teotihuacan was awesome. I highly recommend it, but it is a very emotional charged event. I just missed a weekend event near me recently, but I will go to Teotihuacan again. That is their signature retreat. Reread the book before you go. |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| I don't want to a nudge you into something you're resisting for reasons I can't possible know. You know. Love xx |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| So what's the problem of just telling him? Does it have to be him saying it first? If so, why? xx |
| from lust- : |
| No, I don't think I have BPD. He got into my head though, so I called the therapist that told me in NS that I have a mild form of BPD and emotional dysregulation and asked if they were going to send a referral to a local mental health centre, or decided against it. |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| Happy New Year, our kid. May your year be merry and bright and may you come to Europe so we can hang out xxx |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| Happy New Year, our kid. May your year be merry and bright and may you come to Europe so we can hang out xxx |
| from whystinger : |
| Life is going your way for sure and I am pleased for you. I think 2020 will be an excellent year for you. So happy for you!!! :-D |
| from poetinthesky : |
| Beautiful entry!!! What a difference a year makes. Keep smiling! |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| Happy birthday, happy Christmas, happy me when I read where you are now, so glad for you! Xxx |
| from dangerspouse : |
| Merry Christmas, you. I hope you stay filled up with love from now through your birthday, and all days beyond :) |
| from warpednormal : |
| Ps your diary just might be the most romantic one here. Thanks for sharing! I’m a vancouerite too :) |
| from zenayda : |
| Happy birthday! |
| from poetinthesky : |
| Happy Birthday!!!! |
| from narcissa : |
| Wait, when is *your* birthday???! |
| from lust- : |
| Happiest of birthdays to you, whenever it may be! You deserve the best, always.xo |
| from whystinger : |
| I just caught up and read the latest seven entries of yours. You are having a great year, healing and moving on and you are in charge of your life! I am so happy for you. Cheers! |
| from lust- : |
| Dancing is so cathartic. I am glad you have found community, love & abundance. I'm actually not that passionate about dogs. I've never owned one, only had the chance to be around friends with pups and even though I liked them, in the past, I didn't understand them. It has only been within the past year that I have wanted to have an animal in my life more and been looking into that and appreciating animals for what they are and what they can give to humans. Your note about finding my passion truly resonated, because earlier that day, my mom and I were talking about passion. I am still unsure what mine is, but I am hopeful that the path I am on is leading me in the right direction. Have a wonderful weekend. |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| 13/12 I love this - I love how you let yourself feel the sadness and moved on through it. You make me want to dance - maybe I will... xx |
| from narcissa : |
| 12.13: your journey this year has been incredible to watch.. have really admired the way you seem to take the time to feel your emotions and yet bravely keep moving with resilience and grit and grace. xox. |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| :) i guess Im like a precog or something lol |
| from alethia : |
| Hahaha. Not my David. That is how Van works though. I'm still around. I still read. I'm just tired. I find it difficult to write anything that's not a tar pit of misery. Send me your well wishes tomorrow, because I'm finally seeing a specialist. |
| from alethia : |
| I have a brother who is a David from Nelson, who is living in the city somewhere right now. Wouldn't it be funny... |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| What did Santa say to the elf on the top of the Canadian ski slope?,,,,,,,🎅⛷.......” Im Wayne-in for you to have a Gretzky” 🤣🤣 Hope you a great Xmas and new year! |
| from loveherwell : |
| i know you are absolutely right -- and normally i think that, but some days it just hits and stays and won't go away. thank you. i love reading about the way your relationship is developing -- you write about everything so beautifully, so poetically. |
| from sparkle-pink : |
| I do not have tenant insurance. which is so foolish and I'm kicking myself. especially because I thought several times "i should get insurance". UGH. So the tenant hotline was all "you get nothing" because it wasn't the landlords fault. Like you mentioned, at the very least my rent is being waived. That helps. |
| from lust- : |
| Your journey is beautiful. It stimulates hope within me. You are loved & admired. |
| from poetinthesky : |
| Yes, you definitely deserve to love and be loved. Embrace it!! |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| I love a good cliff this way i can say ” see you next fallllllllllllll,,,,,,,,” Lol |
| from sparkle-pink : |
| It has been a nightmare for sure!! My life isn't in super shambles anymore. Did some organizing/unpacking tonight. Also have all accommodations booked until march 4. Things are getting better. |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| Hey, happy holidays! I thought maybe I was born without a happiness gene or something lol. Thanks for the note xoxo |
| from lust- : |
| I appreciate your words more than you know. <3 |
| from loveherwell : |
| i forgot to reply to your note, but it's so very fitting -- what good advice to follow (regarding anyone). |
| from whystinger : |
| I guess I had my head somewhere else and put this on my notes... Sorry. In my situation, I knew that I deserved better but she was a great manipulator and also, the situation, abuse and her mental illness took a toll on me and pushed me into my own depression. She knew I was a person that took responsibilities serious and she played on that. I like to say that I had to stay to learn and that is part of it. Each time I left and when I finally left, is when I became more healthy, healthy and educated enough to see the truth. |
| from kelsi : |
| Thanks! Yes! It is a satisfying flow right now, after quite a while of stoppage. Ha! Sometimes you just need a big change (as you know!). |
| from whystinger : |
| My story is similar but I am not good at summarizing (so this is good for me to do). I will try again, my last attempt to leave a message will probably be turned into an entry in my diary as it is that long. I married a woman whom I was friends with, having known her for 12 years, but not realizing at the time that we only really active friends for the first two years and while dating. We dated long distance, we lived about 1,000 miles apart, so our courtship of two years was not the best to get to know someone. Most (including myself) thought she was the perfect woman for me. Independent, similar interests... Married life was so great, but that only lasted two months, then shit hit the fan. At the time she pushed for marriage, I started feeling something may not be right, but the thought of getting married was exciting and she told me my feelings were because I "had remained single so long" (35 years old). I saw a different side of her I had never seen. I was told and manipulated to believe that I was the problem. I came close to divorcing numerous times in the first two years, but was Hoovered back into the marriage. This would be a reoccurring thing. She chased away my friends and didn't want to be friends with these people that she seemed to love and enjoy while dating. She would have these frightening fits and act frighteningly weird, which I would later learn were due to depression. I knew that she loved and cared for me and she didn't empower herself to be responsible for her own shit. Refused to get help for the mental illness. Along with the mental illness, I went through the abuse, which I didn't know what it was at the time. Much later I would move out and join a group for those with a family member suffering from BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder). I remember not believing that I had been suffering from abuse until a woman who suffered great abuse at the hands of her former husband (rape, physical, mental & emotional abuse) pulled me aside and set me straight - "You've suffered abuse, stop minimizing it. It wasn't physical, but it was abuse never the less" and she detailed what I had been through. Depending on things, I stayed either 17 or 19 years too long. I believe that God or the Universe put me there to learn several lessons. I was that guy who would say "If I married a bitch like that I would divorce her in a heartbeat." I learned that you can't judge people's situations. In fact, I don't judge much at all. |
| from lust- : |
| It's difficult to control our actions when we've been betraying our needs for so long. Thank you for sharing that with me. It helps to think of others who have been in similar situations. |
| from sparkle-pink : |
| that sounds like fun! I've been to many concerts and my all-time favourite was a Bugs Bunny concert, where the orchestra played the music with a video screen showing the cartoon. It was funny, the real life conductor came on stage and everyone was all just clapping, and then Bugs came on the stage on the screen and everyone was all YEAHH!!!!! I enjoyed that night a lot. |
| from whystinger : |
| Wow, very similar to my story with a few changes. More later when I have time. Thanks for sharing that. |
| from sparkle-pink : |
| I never thanked you for your note about my Dad. He is doing fine now, and hopefully he is taking this second change/wake up call seriously. What were they playing at the symphony when you went??? |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| Ooh! Exciting! Mi casa etc xx |
| from orangepeeler : |
| Sounds like you're in a beautiful place :) |
| from whystinger : |
| The offer of a climbing date sounds good I would think... but I don't know your situation totally. |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| I haven't been commenting much but I'm still reading, still basking in your newfound freedom and joy as if it were my own. xxx |
| from whystinger : |
| Sounds like a climbing date. |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| He lived and his dad said, ”my sons going straight into a program.” Unfortunately, that didn't happen and, he is right back on the street again. |
| from whystinger : |
| It would not be right if I cussed at someone, especially if I knew it triggered them. Occasionally something may slip out but even today I may drop a cuss word and immediately apologize. I grew up in a repair garages and shops and learned cussing at an early age. My Dad would pull me aside or on the ride home and have a chat with me. "You have heard some swear words today and you are NOT to use them in front of your Mom, sister or..." and he insisted that I could control it, and of course, I did learn to control when necessary. |
| from whystinger : |
| Love your 10/15 entry. As a side note, I swear a lot, it gets my anger out and the words vaporize. I would learn to control myself if it upset a partner, but it would take time. I am not commenting on him, but on myself. I assume you were rock climbing? That is awesome. |
| from aryssa90 : |
| Thank you very much, I hope she comes home soon ❤️ |
| from aryssa90 : |
| I'm so sorry, I thought I had responded to your note. Things have been hectic. I really appreciate your support and I hope you're doing well! |
| from whystinger : |
| Your feelings about running are really the same as mine. I found on my last run that my endurance is growing (but still not there) and I can't wait for the glorious feeling. One of my favorite charity runs is scheduled and it ends with a pizza and beer breakfast, so I am seriously considering signing up. It will be 4.5 hours away, so it will cost much more than the signup fee, but... I have not done the climbing thing, but my niece has. Perhaps I should give it a try. |
| from jarofporter : |
| "This is what exists on the other side of the abyss" - I hope to make it there one day... I'm really glad you have! |
| from lust- : |
| It's not about chores. Chores are simply the easiest thing to complain about. It's about me having to do them, instead of having a full-time job that I can go to and make money at. I'm mad at myself for being so bored and angry that I let my emotions get the better of me, so I'm unstable and not able to take care of a dog. I wanted something constant in my life, but I can't have it. Anyway. It's all shit. Swing dancing sounds and looks fun. I'm glad you're enjoying it. |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| The only thing that saved me was I noticed him walking weird back to my car. Thats when I said ” Well, that's not a good sign” and locked my doors. :) |
| from sparkle-pink : |
| thank you! It was easier because it was sleepy bed time anyway, so I just meditated until I fell asleep. Also my meds helped a lot! |
| from whystinger : |
| I liked your entries on both 9/27 and 9/18, the ones I read today (I skipped around for some reason). You wrote about what I miss - I miss hugging someone from behind, where she leans in to me and I kiss her neck. Perhaps one of my tasks today should be to set up the dating app. |
| from narcissa : |
| 27-sept:checking in xox |
| from narcissa : |
| hey.. xox it's going to be ok. Email if you feel like talking |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| Sent you an email - love xxx |
| from loveherwell : |
| thank you :) i am continuing to enjoy reading about your adventures! |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| Me of course! hahahaha 🤣🤣🤣 |
| from narcissa : |
| ❤️ these snapshots of you dancing all over BC |
| from whystinger : |
| You were spot on with your comments to Aryssa90 about liking Tim and asking her to consider how she feels around him. I wish someone would have said that to me when I was considering marriage! Now I should read your diary. Cheers. |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| Love xxx |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| Well, then the next mall drainage area created on your computer shall be called a ”Jimbo”! 🤣🤣🤣 |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| ”Cheetos” |
| from lust- : |
| Your latest entry was so sweet. I'm already looking forward to hearing about when y'all exchange those three special words. |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| Thank you for your note and for thinking of me. My Younger Daughter (fuck, now she is just my daughter - but not yet) is struggling so hard - taking her to the doctor today - and Bloke is Bloke so the support of online friends like you and Narcissa is meaningful and significant. Your writing is also a great solace. Hugs to you dear Shannon xxx |
| from lust- : |
| Thanks for checking in! My mom is visiting, so I've been hanging out with her. You have Instagram, yes? Maybe give me a follow. [@ohthatdezzo_] I post updates on there when things are going well enough. Means a lot that you took the time to reach out! Take care.xo |
| from lust- : |
| I'm hanging in there. Thanks for reaching out. |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| Lol, I pop in occasionally to read about your adventures and then I skedaddle :) Your words are always so beautiful and a pleasure to read. I had a big smile on my face when you nailed the pizza thing! You are too kind on both the jacket thing and my decision on the job. No Mona Lisa’s yet and flip-flopped a few times before I decided the job was a bad idea. Life-changing opportunities don't pop up here every day and I'm more used to struggling. Now if he would have said, ” Walk a mile in the snow every day and the jobs yours! I would have understood and accepted immediately! Lol |
| from sparkle-pink : |
| haha thanks. the 2009 version has gotta be one of the worst films I have ever seen. btw I meant to comment on your terrifying bear encounter. I love bears so much, but only from a distance in the safety of my vehicle... |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| Wow - the mountain-climbing post - just wow! xxx |
| from aryssa90 : |
| Thank you for your note, it was very insightful. I’ve been thinking about it and the answer is super complicated. I think right now, most of the time I really like who he is and most of the time he makes me feel really loved and beautiful. Lately though, I’ve felt like I have to mother him and censor myself around him. I want to be supportive of whatever partner I have but I don’t want to give more than I get. This is definitely something I’m going to be thinking about. I really appreciate all of your supportive notes 💙 |
| from orangepeeler : |
| Bears! WOW |
| from kelsi : |
| AHHGHHH! |
| from narcissa : |
| 8-7: heart heart heart |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| That note painted such a lovely picture but, I'm afraid the drink with the umbrellas will have to wait, I turned down that job so instead of the South Pacific I will have to settle for the Long Island Sound. :) |
| from loveherwell : |
| congrats!!!! |
| from lust- : |
| Congrats! |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| Wow - you did so right to walk away from him. You *owe* him nothing, certainly not any kind of continuing friendship. If I were you and could afford it I'd pay what he asks for just to shut him up and never have to hear from him again. You're a star xx |
| from loveherwell : |
| he's delusional. |
| from kelsi : |
| No, dude, if he asked you to “forego your interest in the car”, he can’t expect you to pay for brake repairs now. It’s not your problem that he broke a lease and is having money issues. And he wants you to apologize for the way you ended the relationship? Ha! He’s all magnanimous at the beginning of that, then switches to other manipulative tactics. Nope nope nope. Ostensibly he wants money, or an apology, or a continued relationship, or whatever, but what he really wants is to be a bossy, controlling jerk. |
| from aryssa90 : |
| I feel so whiny in my entries recently. It's just literally been 2 weeks of hell lol. How are you? |
| from kelsi : |
| Cilantro is great! But it reseeded itself last year and had taken over, and was about to reseed itself again so it could take over again next year! |
| from achmardi : |
| I haven't been around for a while, and it'll take a while to read back entries, but it sounds like things with Russell are going well and I don't know how to explain how happy I am for you. <3 |
| from loveherwell : |
| thank you. it is so lovely to see you fall into a life you were clearly destined for. |
| from sparkle-pink : |
| I know right??? My Grandma was all 'what's going on here' lol. I'm always hounding her for recipes. It's this pumpkin praline dessert. Basically a layer of pumpkin pie like filling on the bottom, covered with a cake mix, covered with pecans. very decadent but super tasty. |
| from sparkle-pink : |
| thanks for the note! I was bad and rescheduled my doctor's appointment. but I am feeling better today. Will see my doc on Thursday instead. |
| from alethia : |
| Yay! :D |
| from narcissa : |
| oooh, thanks for the recommendation, I'll look for it! I'm finding solace in memoirs and fiction (most recently "less", which is both funny and heartbreaking). And thanks for your note - I can see that, but it's such an unfamiliar way to live and to think and, most importantly, to feel. So grateful for this space to help work it all out. It's such an understatement, but I am so happy to read how happy you are. xox |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| Nothing to say but wanted to leave a note! I am loving reading your entries. x |
| from floodtide : |
| Goodness! "E.T.'s Adventures on Earth" is wonderful! I actually think "E.T." is one of Williams' very best scores, on par with "Jaws" and "Star Wars." It's the best kind of movie scoring - music that enhances what the visual storytelling is already inspiring in you, instead of TELLING YOU WHAT YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO FEEL. I never fail to get teary at the climax, even though he stole it - that fanfare that accompanied the rainbow contrail as E.T.'s ship bursts away - from the finale of the Dvorak Cello Concerto. If you don't know the Dvorak, give it a listen: the similarities are more than coincidental. XO |
| from floodtide : |
| Lovely entry - well, all your entries are lovely - but I was especially tickled by the juxtaposition of "big" John Williams music and the gentle image (and gorgeous photo) of slowly moving paddle boards. Thank you, always. Which John Williams was it? Bonus points if it is was something melodramatic (but really good) such as "Star Wars" or "Indiana Jones"; MORE bonus points if it was schmaltzy dreck like "Jurassic Park." PERFECT if it was "Jaws," of course. |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| Thanks for the lovely note. xx |
| from sparkle-pink : |
| haha yeah I love sleeping. Yesterday was a combo of exhaustion/sleepytime meds/and love of sleep! |
| from aryssa90 : |
| Thank you for your note and delurking! It’s always nice to meet new dland folks. Things are a bit rocky right now but they always end up evening out :) I hope you’re doing well and that you don’t mind if I follow you? |
| from orangepeeler : |
| Thanks for the kind note. Lovely writing. Like mandarin and sandalwood. |
| from zenayda : |
| OMG, you're radiant! |
| from lust- : |
| Ah, yes, I already follow a couple of the therapists stated in this article: https://www.nytimes.com/2019/06/26/style/instagram-therapists.html. I'll check out Holistic Psychologist, as well. Thanks.xo |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| Lmao, awesome note! And great pic of you.! |
| from floodtide : |
| Much to say about your weekend, but for now: that photo. Wow. So beautiful. Radiant, I would say. |
| from kelsi : |
| Aww, that’s a sweet picture of you, and every time you look at it you’ll have memories of these great times! |
| from portlypete : |
| An empathetic pilot, so potentially well-off as well. Certainly worth a second date I'd say. :-) |
| from sparkle-pink : |
| lol ty! |
| from portlypete : |
| It's my fifth time of leaving DL, but I've been here so long, and made (a few) good friends, so it's hard. Your name has floated through my consciousness over the years, but it has never registered what beautiful, poetic prose you can write. Damn you! I can't unremember my password now. |
| from narcissa : |
| 6-12: i am loving this love letter to your beautiful city. |
| from narcissa : |
| hope you're feeling better and good luck this weekend : / |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| I loved hearing your voice - thanks for that x |
| from poetinthesky : |
| Thank you for your words. Those are the things that I need to work on to reach peace and happiness |
| from lust- : |
| Your days sound blissful. I am glad you are enjoying life.xo |
| from zenayda : |
| Ahhh, I remember feeling that way after my divorce. Free, unhurried, unrushed, every day, every date, every handsome smile full of potential. Glad you're enjoying this time. It's overdue and you deserve some wonder. |
| from jarofporter : |
| i knew it was you or one other person, but i didn't want to be wrong & i couldn't find where you sent it? thanks! |
| from kelsi : |
| Um, if you can run a 43-minute 10K just for fun, you could be winning races! You run races, right? |
| from catsoul : |
| 5.24.19. Very nice fluidity to your writing. I could feel it. The warmth of your words and life are tingly. Peace. =^..^= |
| from narcissa : |
| Was the water so cold?? Love that you’re living best west coast Life! |
| from narcissa : |
| i might need a notes page to keep track of russell vs peter vs ... The best kind of notes page, and heading into the gorgeous headiness of summer in the north!! Xox |
| from poetinthesky : |
| Love reading how at peace you've become. :) |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| Hardwood floors are so beautiful! sounds spectacular! And ty! on the bagel thing but it was just and elaborate plan to get extra cream cheese :) xoxo |
| from poetinthesky : |
| Your entry makes me happy... Enjoy all these moments! You deserve them. |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| I love that your packing is the same as mine except I have no idea what an invisibobble is and I always have a novel (or two) x |
| from kelsi : |
| Invisibobble?!? I need an Invisibobble! |
| from dangerspouse : |
| If it's any consolation, the guy in that photo went to an amusement park the next day to celebrate Christmas with his family and fell to his death after leaning too far out of his Ferris Wheel car to glimpse a rainbow in the distance. So he's not lonely any more. |
| from dangerspouse : |
| fin. Congratulations. Let your new chapter begin. |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| Good work xx |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| Awwww thank you! I'm going roll the Yahtzee dice and see who ill be tomorrow:) |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| I'm not deleting anything else and, some of the ones I have will be rewritten and thrown back in the mix. The humor part has been missing from my newer stuff but, I'll correct that in future entries. :) |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| I've been working hard on my writing and appreciate any feedback.xoxo |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| I filled that entry with emotions from other sad things in my life which I thought made it a compelling read. |
| from poetinthesky : |
| Love your poem and the pictures are great! How do you add pictures in here? |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| Thank you so much for your sweet note!. If I can help someone that's a great feeling but, most of the time I can't do anything. |
| from jarofporter : |
| thank you for the note, it made me smile! |
| from dangerspouse : |
| *gasp* Not Chris!!! |
| from dangerspouse : |
| Are you sure you don't write for some soap opera, or maybe a bodice ripper literary factory or something? Lol..DON'T LET HIM STEAL ANY MORE OF YOUR RAMEN! It's a slippery noodley slope from there to...actually I have no idea. But I know it will lead to *something* dreadful! |
| from alethia : |
| I feel that feeling! It has been SO LONG since I've seriously dated anyone, and I think it's partly because when I do end up naked with someone, that skin-to-skin feeling makes me rub against them like a cat. Which I guess is weird. But weird is kind of my thing, sooooo...THAT'S SO WEIRD. Do you remember her name, or what show she was on? My department is very small, and it's about a 50/50 chance I know her. |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| No problem anytime :) I’m going to tell her I want a snow globe instead of a postcard next time :) |
| from alethia : |
| You're having more success in the love department than I seem to be. Want to be my matchmaker? Does Peter have a (single) brother? ;) |
| from poetinthesky : |
| Fern, I know very well about those late night taco dates and can COMPLETELY relate to the highs and lows that absence brings. I am thrilled that you are finding happiness! It's about time. |
| from dangerspouse : |
| I knew you'd take my advice, for I AM HYPNOTOAD. (Plus, it was good advice.) Thanks for the note - it was a dilly! :) |
| from floodtide : |
| "Radical Forgiveness" is - quite literally - changing my life. Certainly it is changing my perspective about the trauma of April 2013. I get what you meant about forgiveness becoming unnecessary, because it was a factor in an equation that isn't necessary as part of the picture anymore. Cannot thank you enough for the gift of recommendation and empathy. You are an angel. |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| I pass by there everyday on the way to work! Thought of you as well :) |
| from narcissa : |
| I FORGOT ABOUT ALF. XOXO |
| from lust- : |
| New tattoo is three female vampire bats. I gave the artist the inspiration that vampire bats share blood meals with each other to hedge their bets and forge friendships and she incorporated it into an upper back piece. It looks really sweet. She put in a couple evening primrose flowers, a crescent moon, and a few stars as well. And, the bats are these three pals, sharing blood and being all cute. I remember reading about this quality in vampire bats a while back and thinking it was a really feminist and rad thing, so I've been wanting to get a tattoo of it for a while and the artist truly did it justice! Sharing is caring! On another note, I truly adore reading your words and hearing about your life. It sounds so robust. Hope you have a lovely week. |
| from dangerspouse : |
| Why is it that every time any woman has ever used my name and the word "kiss" in the same sentence, it's always either preceded or followed by the word "creepy"? A guy could get a complex, y'know? First my mother.... Anyway, WOO HOO for the Real Thing, baby! I'm very happy for you. And *sob* I'm so proud to know I may have played at least a small part in your transition from snow to flesh. No man can want for more than that. :) |
| from narcissa : |
| 4/7: solo nighttime playing field dance party. that is joy. so happy for you. |
| from dangerspouse : |
| My god, you write pretty. I missed your entries while I was away. Gotta go catch up now. Hey, thanks for the nice comment(s) over at my place. I'm glad you liked the photo. Did I tell you it got SECOND PLACE at a recent photo competition? I know, I know. I shouldn't be so modest and hide my light under a bushel like that. What can I say? (ps. I don't care if it is a NY thing. Don't put ketchup on eggs!! Sheesh. Kids.) ;) |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| Lol, yeah she was on my mind a lot so I had to give her and entry of her own :) |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| Awesome entry! |
| from narcissa : |
| *swoon* |
| from alethia : |
| OooooOOOOOOoooooo. :D |
| from jarofporter : |
| what an exciting experience, 1st kisses are the best! and a hundred dollars on top of that? too cool! |
| from poetinthesky : |
| When you described when he put his hands on your face and held it, I got the chills. I know exactly how nice that feels. Let's see where this takes you... |
| from loveherwell : |
| that most recent entry is so lovely. i’m so glad you had a magical time. |
| from lust- : |
| April 3/19 - Seems as if that happy hair-do brought you more positivity than imagined! Happy for you.xo |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| Fab - I am loving this xx |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| Sashimi:) |
| from kelsi : |
| Ugh, hope your adult zits have faded into oblivion by now! re: a couch - after my Big Change I couldn't make myself get a couch, just the thought of it freaked me out. Too much commitment or something. Anyway, finally, a year or so ago, I got myself a couch. When it's right it's right, and when it's not it's not! |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| Lol, I saw it and didn’t believe it :) |
| from poetinthesky : |
| Do it! Write your book! I will be one of the first to buy it! Your journey is inspiring and encouraging... you are very brave! |
| from lust- : |
| I think it is that fear of judgement you mentioned that stops me from being vulnerable. I like the idea of being vulnerable alone. Definitely something to sit with. Thank you for the good vibes.xo |
| from sparkle-pink : |
| Right? And bottom line is she is a good employee. Always shows up for work, early even, rarely takes sick days, stays late if asks, and gets all of her shit done. And the customers LOVE her. Dollarama really lost a great asset. |
| from zenayda : |
| Hi there! I'm the one Flood mentioned. Apologies for not introducing myself sooner. I hope it's not creepy that I read enough of your diary to note your way with words. Truly, I meant what I said to Flood about your ability to make even disaster sound softy beautiful. I'm all hard lines and jagged edges, so your style struck me. Been here on d-land since 2002, but under other names. The only one of note was Pandionna, back in the d-land hay-day. Point is, you're lovely, and I wish the very best for you. And I hope that's not creepy either. |
| from floodtide : |
| Wow wow wow - thank you for your most recent note, which has prompted me to put "Radical Forgiveness" into my car on Amazon; I'll click "submit" on Friday, payday and probably have it overnighted. I'm eager for anything that will help on this journey. (For the background, go to mid-April in my diary.) Terri is on d-land as Zenayda, and on Facebook as TC Violetta. Her diary is pw-protected, but I sent her an e-mail telling her you were interested in communicating. Her own d-land notes page is confusing; I can't tell if it accepts notes or not. But I've no doubt she'll let me know it's okay to contact her, and the best way to do so. Thank you for so many things. |
| from sparkle-pink : |
| ty! parallel parking is something I lack skill at haha. Congrats on the apartment!! |
| from alethia : |
| Try Sigur Ros on for size. I particularly like their album Takk, but it's all good. It's a bit more structured than your classic ambient, though. If you want a good unstructured one, try Three Organic Experiences, by Aglaia. I listened to that one constantly in England. I tried to train myself to fall asleep when I heard it, but it didn't work. It still reminds me of napping under the rhododendron bushes at the studio, though. |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| Congrats on the apartment !! Plus I have to tell you that after reading the Bowen island part I wanted to jump off that cliff too! Of course my splash would be so immense it would drown nearby villages but it would be worth it :) |
| from narcissa : |
| 3/24: YESSSS! Springtime and a new home. Excited for you. I love reading these joyful entries from you. I am just catching up on entries and have to tell you that with those eyes and that smile you’re so memorable. |
| from poetinthesky : |
| Congratulations!! This is just the beginning of great things! |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| *happy sigh* |
| from jarofporter : |
| 3/23 - this whole entry makes me smile! congrats on the apartment! |
| from loveherwell : |
| congrats on the apartment!! |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| So would 3 notes make me even more awesome? I’m Eating a lovely thin crust veggie pizza and watching something on TV about the eighties it doesn’t get much better than this for a work night. I like the app idea for the glasses :) I once bought a pair I hated so much I refused to wear them! |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| I’m basaack hello again as far as glasses go how about those that change into sunglasses when you go into the light they are so cool. I always stand there staring at myself in the mirror looking to see what’s best,, ugh is this too round? Is this too square? Then I give up in disgust and leave with nothing or what the merchant recommends. Before I go congrats on the free class :) |
| from jimbostaxi : |
| Yes ! Another one on our side of the mayo battle 👍 welcome to the team :) nice to meet you!!! Did I mention i like exclamation points? Feel free to stop by anytime. |
| from alethia : |
| Which ambient album? I like ambient. |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| Mmm hardwood floors, warm beneath my feet... Thanks for your note - I feel much the same. I don't talk to him any more and it boils up inside me. I'm glad to know you're there. I bet you are far less ordinary than you think you are. It comes from within and has nothing to do with those items you listed. Fingers crossed for the flat x |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| Mmm hardwood floors, warm beneath my feet... Thanks for your note - I feel much the same. I don't talk to him any more and it boils up inside me. I'm glad to know you're there. I bet you are far less ordinary than you think you are. It comes from within and has nothing to do with those items you listed. Fingers crossed for the flat x |
| from poetinthesky : |
| Thank you for your encouraging words. I enjoy reading your entries. I love how you describe everything. I feel like I'm reading a book. Have you ever considered writing one? |
| from lust- : |
| Thank you for your note from however long ago. It feels nice that someone understands. I hope you get the apartment with the pink bathtub and are able to relax and find joy in living alone. Sending good vibes.xo |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| I love how you're living your life these days, how you're writing about it. Thank you for sharing it with us. It feels exciting to be with you on the brink of whatever is coming next. All the best xxx |
| from poetinthesky : |
| You describe your surroundings with such detail, I can almost picture it. You are becoming a stronger person, just as your muscles are strengthening, so is your soul. Good things are yet to come for you. |
| from poetinthesky : |
| You will surely find your home. You've already taken the first steps. I'm glad that you're finally finding yourself and leaving behind the old you. |
| from floodtide : |
| Moved and delighted by your eloquent and thoughtful (as always) entry about apartment hunting and then the swimming pool. You write so beautifully, with such gentleness. The description of the two boys diving was especially vivid and I loved it - read and re-read it a couple of times. "I loved them both...." Of course. I would have, too. Good luck with the hunt: I agree strongly with "If I can find one, I can find another." True and practical. |
| from dangerspouse : |
| Your entries now make me smile. :) (See?) |
| from narcissa : |
| 3/13: i wasn't. i did fly ethiopian airlines the morning before from Addis to Dar es Salaam - same flight path, different plane so it felt a bit close to home but luckily no one i knew was on it. But still, i really feel for all these families and friends. I think in this kind of work we're so far from home sometimes our colleagues are closer than our families. it's so sad. |
| from kelsi : |
| I started boxing a few years ago and LOVED it. It's the best. |
| from narcissa : |
| 3/7: i know you're right, but also it seems so indulgent. Why can't i just be okay with all these riches? // i also have replayed so many of those pool/hotel scenarios these last few months. [boxing sounds good] |
| from loveherwell : |
| that note made me feel much better about writing that. thank you. |
| from narcissa : |
| lovely photo. I'm glad you're doing so many things to take care of yourself. |
| from poetinthesky : |
| It's very hard to let go of something or someone that becomes your everything. But I think that's also the problem. They should not be your 'everything'. They should be your something, and that's it. I'm trying to un-whatever it is... let go, forget, erase... whatever it takes to stop the hurt. Thank you for recommending the book. I just ordered it. |
| from catsoul : |
| 2.28.19. Hi Back at you. Thanks for the note. I am a snowtrooper now. I sat with my paper journal the other day, coming up with all words using the word snow. Never thought of snowtrooper. Peace. |
| from sparkle-pink : |
| i saw that! yay Vancouver. I like living here! |
| from floodtide : |
| You were well within your rights and then some to respond with frustration to "that's fine." It's hard for me to fathom that anyone wouldn't know that the proper response is some version of "Please tell him 'thank you.'" |
| from floodtide : |
| Thank you especially for your most recent note of kind affirmation. I am grateful for you in more ways than one. |
| from alethia : |
| Sometimes I wonder if that's a reason I've been alone so long: I do the woman things and the man things. I don't NEED anybody else, and it feels like so many partners need to feel needed. But anyway, all this to say, doing all the stuff feels really good. It feels like I'm a boat slicing through the bullshit of life. Sometimes I feel sad that there's no one to scratch my back and pet my face and tell me everything is okay, but at least I'm not drowning. |
| from sparkle-pink : |
| hi there! username: sparklepink password: envelope Looking forward to reading more of your entries! |
| from poetinthesky : |
| Fern, thank you for your kind words. I'm glad things are looking brighter for you, too! Please feel free to email me should you need to talk, [email protected]. I'm with you! |
| from floodtide : |
| Yes, you are: capable, adaptable, and brave. |
| from floodtide : |
| Thanks for your note - for both of them. And for continuing to share your journey. For onion soup I use the recipe from the Balthazar cookbook, and if you don't know it it please let me know and I'll e-mail it or post it. Best onion soup BY FAR that I've ever tasted. Surprisingly (to me, anyway) it uses chicken broth instead of beef; you can also use vegetable stock. Somehow it's just RIGHT. Other than the time caramelizing the onions it's easy to make, and sooooooo satisfying. XO |
| from lust- : |
| Thank you for your kind words. |
| from narcissa : |
| 2-19: i'm sure there's a dish soap link but i took that out and there's still some other things. blech. Thanks for the sympathy, and I love your entry. Congratulations. You're so brave and strong. xox |
| from poetinthesky : |
| You describe everything in so much detail. Beautifully written. I'm so happy you're finding your peace! |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| Oh she's so right - congratulations x |
| from floodtide : |
| Hi, I'm Guy - friend of Katherine and Anna. K's diary (life-my-way) led me to you, and I have been a regular reader since. Your writing is beautiful, succinct, eloquent, expressive. Your entries are little gifts every time. Like K's my diary is locked but if it would interest you you are welcome to visit it. UN is recondite and pw is phoenix. Won't be offended in the slightest if you don't want or need to add to your already-long list. But I've added you to my favorites so that I see when you've posted. Thank you. With love, gwm |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| xxx |
| from poetinthesky : |
| I love how you describe everything. Hang in there! You are much stronger than you think!!! |
| from dangerspouse : |
| I like Josh :) |
| from dangerspouse : |
| I'm very, very proud of you. FOR EATING THAT STEW! Oh ok, and for the inner fortitude stuff and stuff, too :) Seriously, I am literally in awe of your ability to weather this gale, and I just know things are going to be better for you going forward now. Sing it with me: "I am woman, I am strong...." (Well not me personally, but ya know.Solidarity, etc.) :) |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| Just read this (11/2/19) when it's been posted 16 hours ago so sincerely hoping you are away and out of there and it's all done and dusted. Big love and hugs and an intercontinental strength and solidarity booster! xx |
| from dangerspouse : |
| You rejected a slow cooker meal? It must REALLY be over, then. Hitch up those BGP's and make for those greener pastures, girl. And stay there this time. |
| from narcissa : |
| thinking of you every day. sending love. you're making all the right choices to take care of yourself - it's so hard and you are doing it anyway. xox. (ps omg yes those birds). |
| from loveherwell : |
| i truly commend you for recognizing what’s best for you and going through with it. hang in there. it’s worth it. |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| Ah, you and K. xx |
| from jarofporter : |
| piano music? see, synchronicities like that absolutely fascinate me! |
| from alethia : |
| I read parts and skimmed parts. I am familiar with this letter. I've been sent variations of it over the years. They all made me go hmmmmmmmmm. -_- |
| from kelsi : |
| Wow, your soap is beautiful! |
| from kelsi : |
| You make soap!?! That is fantastic! Also, now I've got Nightswimming by REM stuck in my head but instead of "nightswimming" it's "nightskiing"... |
| from dangerspouse : |
| As am I. (BTW, I've been planning on making Soup Dumplings this year, once I get a good gelatenous stock made. I'll let you know how they turn out. That'll be more of a test!) :) |
| from dangerspouse : |
| https://tinyurl.com/y39o8u6h |
| from jarofporter : |
| That sounds like a great evening! |
| from dangerspouse : |
| I actually had a few things I wanted to offer (none of them helpful), but as soon as I read "my first Chinese dumpling" everything flew out of my head. Your FIRST EVER Chinese dumpling? Really? What are you, an illegal alien from Mars? How did this happen?? |
| from life-my-way : |
| Hi, I'm Katherine, a friend of Anna's, and I've been reading you for a bit--wanted to say hello. I'm locked up but would share if you're interested. Your writing about the separation is so stark and clear...great. K. |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| Just popped in to say hi and have a good weekend x |
| from whaleart : |
| I really like the simplicity of your template :) |
| from se7enchance : |
| I'll be the voice of the unpopular (and perhaps, unwelcome) opinion, here: I'm quite certain that email isn't deliberately meant to deceive or manipulate. It's real, and raw, and a mess. I have written that email. And I winced sympathetically as I read it. I hate using personal anecdotes-- "I" is not a good word. And no one would, in good faith, say you should go back to that. But that letter is genuine, and sincere. Just the opinion of a disembodied someone who recognizes the vessel of regret which is that letter. Cheers. Here's to your healing, lady~ |
| from alethia : |
| Hmmmmmm. -_- |
| from kelsi : |
| Um, so, I don’t know you and have very little background on all this, but that email seems like manipulation to me. Maybe it isn’t, or maybe he truly thinks he’s being honest and sincere - but it’s still laying a lot on you, and I don’t think that’s fair, especially after less than two weeks. If I were you I wouldn’t respond. But I’m not you, so do what you feel is best for you! |
| from jarofporter : |
| Ugh. can honestly say I'm not surprised by this, just sad that you had to be exposed to it... |
| from kelsi : |
| There are no mistakes. Even if you decide you don’t like what’s happening in your life now, it’s not a mistake, just part of the path youll travel in life. Likewise, the previous however-many years weren’t a mistake - everything was necessary to get you where you are now! |
| from dangerspouse : |
| A rush hour slog in the rain would break Mother Teresa, Santa Clause, AND Mr. Rogers. I'd think of something more humanly possible if I were you. And...you're welcome. Again. PEP! PEP! PEP! :) |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| You were with him a long time - it's OK feel sad - it's natural to grieve the loss of the hope you would make it together. Have a good week, dear friend x |
| from jarofporter : |
| sounds like a great weekend! |
| from dangerspouse : |
| I waited ALL FREAKING YEAR to make that movie reference. I'm glad you appreciate it. Hey, don't go all glumly morose over my stupid analysis. It's not destiny. I just feel like I've got a lot invested in you now after all those finely crafted notes I left, so I'm feeling overprotective. Just do me a favor: don't cut yourself off from potentially great things over fears of the past repeating itself. But go into things with your eyes open and your wits about you knowing they could. Look for familiar signs early, and act if you find them. You're a good person. Demand to be treated like one. |
| from dangerspouse : |
| Happy Groundhog Day! Now take a deep breath and asess things rationally. You don't want your love life following the same script as the movie. The 'halo effect' is real, and is famous in rebound relationships. But I'm sure you know that already, so I'm gonna just go pop more popcorn and see how this plays out ;) |
| from dangerspouse : |
| No. No texting for me, thanks. A land line, and a PC. It's a wonder I can function at all, eh? (Gee, and he has such a sterling record of respecting all your previous wishes....) :) |
| from dangerspouse : |
| Can you, like, I dunno, block people from messaging you? I don't have a texting device of my own, but I've heard rumor that filtering technology exists on them.... ;) |
| from dangerspouse : |
| Thank you so much for the birthday greeting! That was very nice of you :) |
| from achmardi : |
| I hadn't been to diaryland in a few weeks, so just read the last 10 or so entries. At some point I started crying -- I'm really glad you left him. My Daniel used to say the same stuff, that I was "withholding information" in those exact words, convinced me I was selfish and the one with mental problems, etc. I learned from therapy that you don't owe anyone ANY of your thoughts and feelings. You should reveal them only when the person deserves them. He's not entitled to anything, as much as he wants to believe he is. I think that's important to remember, especially during the breakup phase. Stay strong. <3 |
| from kelsi : |
| I don't know how I haven't run across your diary before, but somehow I hadn't, and I happen to have found you at a huge moment in your life. Good luck! I left once too, and moved back home. Thomas Wolfe said You Can't Go Home Again, but I could, and it was the best possible place for me. As difficult and heartbreaking as that time was, it was also exciting and absolutely right. My future was my own again, and I was my own again, and I hope that's true for you too. |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| I don't know if this link will work, but when I listened it made me think of you, skating and skiing. It's a radio programme about Joni Mitchell's song The River - I listened to it before you skated away https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m0001l70 |
| from dangerspouse : |
| Why does the song "Since U Been Gone" keep looping through my brain since reading your marvelous ode to personal emancipation? ("I can breathe for the first time. I'm so moving on....") Thank you for the lovely note, that meant a lot to me. Oh, and...there is no fucking way I'm going to sabotage that FitBit. Do you think I want to alter NewWifey(tm)'s newfound strategy to reach 116bpm? I've never loved a piece of consumer electronics so much in my life! ;) |
| from alethia : |
| Welcome home. :) |
| from jarofporter : |
| beautiful :-) |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| 26/01/19 That was the best post. I got goosebumps in the last paragraph. Well done, you. xx |
| from jarofporter : |
| Charter flight into bright, blue skies... :-) |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| Good stuff. Big hugs - it will be fine. You got me and Danger behind you, we got your back, kiddo. Travel safe xx |
| from dangerspouse : |
| Safe flight, babe. We're all pulling for you here. Update when you can. Don't be scared.... |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| Standing with you, shoulder to shoulder. xx |
| from dangerspouse : |
| The sordid underbelly of academia indeed.... :) |
| from dangerspouse : |
| Not until I can find a large enough Skinner Box, and some Pine-Sol to use as a reward. ( https://dangerspouse.diaryland.com/050219_21.html ) |
| from dangerspouse : |
| He's gotta like Pine-Sol?! Damn, I've heard of girls setting the bar impossibly high before, but this takes the cake. Ah well, if you're gonna dream, dream BIG, right? Good luck with that! (Did you know that in my pre-radio (ie: pre-poverty) life I studied experimental psychology, and after college worked as a councilor at a halfway house for schizophrenics? Talking to you has been a real flashback to those days!) ;) |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| Yes. On you go. Almost there, almost free. xx |
| from dangerspouse : |
| I like your counselor, she sounds almost as astute at that blogger guy "Dangerspouse". I hope you follow through now. Pressing your lips against pine scented snow is fine for a while. But pressing them against warm, loving lips is better. You deserve lips like that, and I'm sure you'll find them now. Stay strong, babe. |
| from lust- : |
| Wishing, hoping & sending strength & love your way.xo |
| from se7enchance : |
| Shannon. I have many things to say, but I'll keep it short. Firstly, you're welcome, but your thanks weren't necessary. Consider the care that people offer you an echo of your good karma, yeah? Secondly, you do do write so very lovely-- it's an undervalued privilege being able to read such things for free. And thirdly, good for you-- and good luck-- on your recent turn of relationship gears. It will be very hard, but you're surely up for it. And, of course, my offer as pixelated tribute stands. Cheers, and LessThanThree |
| from poetinthesky : |
| I really hope things work out for you. Feeling numb never helps in a marriage. I should know. We've been zombies for the last 5-6 years or so and now... now I don't know what will become of us... We are strangers in our own home and I, well, I found my Chris... |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| Good on you. I think you will find it brilliant. All that Danger said, all that. It will be fine. Yay, good for you. *happy dance* |
| from dangerspouse : |
| You're welcome. I, and Emmeline Pankhurst, applaud your new sense of resolve :) |
| from jarofporter : |
| you have email... |
| from dangerspouse : |
| Wow. My father once told me, "There are two ways to do something: the right way, and the easy way". That must have been one of the hardest things you've ever done, requiring even more courage and resolve than skiing without poles. I'm very proud of you (not that it's my place to be proud or not proud of you, but y'know...). I do hope this means a positive change in your life now, either with him wisening up (*cough*notbloodylikely*cough*) or you realizing the maelstrom's shrapnel is worth suffering if it means a better live awaits on the other side. And I have the temerity to suggest it does. Good luck. Really. (And thank you for the kind words about my scribbles. But I just write silly stories punctuated with occasional waxing porn. You write Life. You're at a whole 'nuther level.) |
| from dangerspouse : |
| I understand what you're saying. The view from without is always crystal clear. From within, it's a much more confusing morass. You have my sympathy, and I hope you find the best solution for you. Soon. I'll just add one more log to the fire though, and then shut up (at least for this note, lol): you wrote that you hold yourself back from leaving over "the responsibility of causing maelstrom in someone else's life". Very admirable. But has he ever expressed any qualms, or even hesitations, about causing maelstrom in YOUR life? Nature abhors a vacuum, I abhor a double standard. Ah well, I suppose I have to get back to your original point. It looks different from the inside. So...all the best to you. (And your posts don't bore me. Despite the dolorous narrative, it's so beautifully written as to be compelling. I wish I had your style.) Lol, yes, alpaca snow globes cure many, many ills. Send me your address, and who knows.... :) |
| from jarofporter : |
| while looking at the abyss below, don't forget that the other direction is wide-open, bright, blue sky. i'm really sorry you're having to go through this. |
| from dangerspouse : |
| "I have been trying to be better for him" is one of the saddest, not to mention most futile, things a girl could write. I don't mean to point out the obvious, but if 11 years after writing that you're still on that balance beam then either you're not trying hard enough, or you'll NEVER be good enough for him. Guess which one I'm guessing? What are you going to do now - sleep alone for another 11 years until you come back and read that old entry again, and wonder again if there's yet another thing you can do to make things better? Will you go to your grave wondering? You only get one life to live, babe, and you better advocate for yourself to make it the life you want. If I may leave you with a hackneyed meme: "A woman can't change a man because she loves him. A man changes himself because he loves her." Your man isn't changing, ergo.... |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| *waving* |
| from the-grey-one : |
| i'm not sure if i've messaged you before but i've been reading you for quite a while, your writing has always drawn me in. i mostly just wanted to drop a line of communication, and stop just being a silent creeper. so, hello! |
| from alethia : |
| I'd like that. :) |
| from dangerspouse : |
| Sexual harassment! SEXUAL HARASSMENT!! ;) |
| from alethia : |
| That’s my hometown. I was born in the hospital there. I hope you liked it. <3 |
| from dangerspouse : |
| Happy birthday, many more! The earrings sound nice...I hope the sentiment was sincere. |
| from jarofporter : |
| i haven't celebrated my b-day in years. no plans, though i do work that day. as for national parks, i would have no idea what to do once i got to one. it would be different if i could go with a group, without someone to sort of guide me through it, i'd probably just get super-anxious & leave right away. i'm not very good with new things unless i have a clear game plan. that's also why i only like to travel to places where I know someone. |
| from jarofporter : |
| Are you a Capricorn too? My b-day is in a couple weeks. Happy b-day, glad his gifts turned out to be something you liked - trying to fake liking a gift sucks! |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| Thanks xx |
| from jarofporter : |
| I would've ghosted too. Having at this point been asked, I would have been direct. "I'm sorry, but this has felt like a one-sided friendship for ages, and the fact that you couldn't see that & had to ask, I think speaks for itself, regardless of the unsolicited over-sharing of your intimate bits". (or some such). I think you handled it well, and better yet, did so in a way that felt true to yourself. |
| from jarofporter : |
| Early for me as well, but rather than wine I've got rum. Happy New Year to you too! |
| from jarofporter : |
| :-) |
| from narcissa : |
| Dec 27 18: oh thanks for asking. Was sort of full of landmines with my pregnant sister in law and meeting BT to get a bunch of my stuff back aand my 39th(!) birthday plus christmas and everyone asking, 'where is BT? WHAT?' etc. But i made it through and then i kind of huddled under covers for a long time and cried a lot and now i think i'll be okay for a few days. thank you so much for asking. I hope you're okay... i don't think it's any easier when things are rocky. Maybe harder. |
| from jarofporter : |
| resent! |
| from jarofporter : |
| several drinks notwithstanding, i'm still concerned. |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| I'm OK, not great but not bad, thanks for asking. Hope you're OK too x |
| from jarofporter : |
| Hi! Thanks for the note; I sent you an email to your d-land address, hopefully it'll be forwarded. |
| from jarofporter : |
| I should add, I hope things are alright with you. Not sure if I offered before, but if you'd like to talk any time, feel free to email me... |
| from jarofporter : |
| Thanks, Happy holiday to you as well :-) |
| from achmardi : |
| He's 100% gaslighting you. I'm glad you recognize that it's emotional abuse. Stay strong. <3 |
| from jarofporter : |
| 'thanks' seems inadequate, but I don't know what else to say... |
| from se7enchance : |
| Please be very, very careful in proceeding with this. People usually respond extraordinarily badly to narcissitic injuries. Which this may threaten to do. Please leave yourself an (immediate) out. |
| from jarofporter : |
| your analysis seems pretty spot-on. really impressed you're able to see this, i never was until after my divorce. stay strong. |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| Ooh, you know how to write a cliffhanger ending! Wishing you all the best, whatever that turns out to be x |
| from jarofporter : |
| The end of your Dec. 13 entry got me to smile, though I'm saddened by the surrounding circumstances. |
| from narcissa : |
| to both of you (swordfern and anna): I don't know how anyone knows the answers here, so i guess i should be praying more. Serenity please : / |
| from alethia : |
| I'm sorry you're experiencing this. <3 |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| It's that serenity prayer, isn't it? "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference." How do we know the difference? I will say that when I ended things with each of my husbands, I immediately felt as though I'd put down a heavy burden. I suddenly had a spring in my step and new found joie de vivre. Yet here I am now. Though I'm not sure how much is brutally financial. x |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| Dec 11th Oh man, I feel you. This is where I am, exactly. I'm too tired to mend it, too tired to face leaving and all that goes with it. But it's no way to live, is it? Best wishes xxx |
| from bombasine : |
| not to move on when you should can also be a kind of giving up. all the best to you. |
| from narcissa : |
| Dec 11: thinking of you, sending love. |
| from dangerspouse : |
| Don't confuse "improving your lot" with "being a quitter". You'll only be a quitter if you see the right path and don't make the effort to go down it. Then you'll have quit on life. |
| from se7enchance : |
| I was hesitant to say anything, with your previous entry. But your comment about having trained him to interact with you in that way is painfully insightful. Your kindness demonstrated, is also complicit sanction, for him. I do wish I could talk with you real time. You're simply lovely. If you ever wanted a stranger to fill the pixelated gaps in your text messages-- with anything at all-- I'd volunteer as tribute. Wishing you good juju, in the meantime. |
| from dangerspouse : |
| “This award honours a woman who is an ASTTBC member, has distinguished herself in her field of technology and has demonstrated leadership by serving as a role model and promoting careers in technology,”...And who has made herself a doormat. Who has to apologize for building a fire incorrectly to a man who shows up late and doesn't even ask about her day. Who is lonely and sad and tries to will the phone to ring. Who is invisible. Nope. Don't see any dichotomy there at all. Do you...? |
| from jarofporter : |
| Dec 5th entry sounds like my ex-marriage, I could feel stomach winding itself up in knots as I read. I hope you find your way out of this, nobody deserves to be treated that way! :-( |
| from alethia : |
| I feel like I can't top DangerSpouse's last comment for wit and style, so I'll just add my congratulations. ;) |
| from dangerspouse : |
| God, you are SO vain. |
| from se7enchance : |
| Cheers and congratulations on that article. You must feel incredible. And rightly so. |
| from narcissa : |
| 04-Dec: !!! so amazing.. nice to be recognized, and the write-up is so good! (far cry from that soap one!) |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| Congratulations! You are brilliant - how can you be such a good writer and know all that techno stuff as well? x |
| from dangerspouse : |
| Is that you? The hot one in the middle, between the fat chick and the dude who's copping a quick ass feel because he knows you're not gonna flinch during the Official Photo? That's freakin' AWESOME! Congrats! Many more!! And man, what a glowing review. That really was a fascinating write-up they did. You're pretty incredible, it turns out. Who knew?? :) |
| from jarofporter : |
| Wow, congrats! Really cool to read that article! |
| from se7enchance : |
| The self-control and thoughtful attention that you demonstrate when acknowledging the way you 'contributed to how he is reacting' (WHILE he is reacting)-- as well as demonstrating empathy for his position-- is simultaneously incredibly laudable, and unbearably sad. Where did you learn this rare and valuable ability? |
| from dangerspouse : |
| Uh-oh. Somebody's threatening to take my advice. That's on of the 7 signs of the Apocalypse.... |
| from dangerspouse : |
| Over a LAMP? Seriously? That's so pathetic I'm not even going to make the "light headed" joke I immediatly thought of. Sheesh. Over a lamp. That's no way to live.... |
| from dangerspouse : |
| Shame on you for standing on a dyke. She's probably bruised, at the very least. (Thanks for the great note, but you do not want to share a hot tub with me. My back hair ALWAYS clogs the drain. What a mess.) :) |
| from dangerspouse : |
| I missed you too, babe. So I came back. Yay! (Came back to read you're living the life I was meant to live...sans all those men in hot tubs, lol.) :) |
| from narcissa : |
| it felt SO GOOD to want to write it. coming back from the brink. oof. Thanks xox |
| from jarofporter : |
| hey, thanks for the note - it seems like the only people who feel that way are anonymous internet people. if only i could find someone irl to show some interest/concern. i appreciate you taking the time to write. :-) |
| from alethia : |
| <3 |
| from narcissa : |
| summer corn, one of the true joys. xox |
| from jarofporter : |
| Yeah, I never said anything, but I find your writing style really captivating! Oh, and I wouldn't add me until you've read a bit, it's a lot of the same recurrent themes - boredom, apathy, depression, trying to be healthy... Even I get tired of it! ;-) |
| from jarofporter : |
| great pics! good to put a face to the space, too. |
| from narcissa : |
| 10-Jul-18: *heart eyes emojis* love those photos, your smile is incandescent |
| from narcissa : |
| 16-May: you're so rad.. way to live your best life xo |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| Yay! 12/5/18 |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| Good. xx |
| from narcissa : |
| Apr 3- *SO*MISLED* |
| from dangerspouse : |
| That's you? Kawaii!! |
| from narcissa : |
| amazing!! about the soap, you've really managed to do so much just since new years plus with all the travel and buying a house etc etc etc? so inspiring. (obviously I'm with Anna (and you) on my need to edit that article, geesh "contributor", so painful!). Was your hair so long in July?? so lovely. (and thanks for sending thoughts, much appreciated) |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| You look splendid - but that is one hell of an article, Jeez. Makes my hand itch for the red pen, to whizz through with some corrections. |
| from narcissa : |
| 3-28-18: cool! what's your side project?!? |
| from dangerspouse : |
| Why would having a profile in a local newspaper cause you anxiety? Revel in your 15 minutes! Woot!! |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| 10/3/18 Beautiful - that's how it is, isn't it? Shafts of pure sorrow amongst the mundane and the joyous. x |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| Yikes, don't know how to send note on Insta but hoping you are as well as can be, hugs xxx |
| from alethia : |
| <3 |
| from dangerspouse : |
| Happy Christmas to you too, babe! Thank you for the sweet note. I'm so glad my little silliness gave you a smile :) |
| from dangerspouse : |
| Wow, lookit you! Glad the new place is paradise, and Scots are already hitting on you. Revel in it, babe! (And FWIW, I'm lean yet soft WITHOUT ever having gotten my period back. So there.) :) |
| from narcissa : |
| 12-6: thinking of you and hope the new place is feeling right! |
| from narcissa : |
| I think most of it is hot. But also there are lots of mountain ranges, and many of the capital cities are located in the hills because it's cooler. Sincerely, thank you for saying that, because I felt like an ignorant dummy. |
| from narcissa : |
| lawyers! also *sob* why are those counselors so expensive. It's really so amazing that you're finding a way to make all this work. And now really glad I caught you while you were still in the city! Good luck with the move, looking forward to hearing updates from the other side. |
| from dangerspouse : |
| BTW, by "it gave itself to us", do you think he meant "it gave itself to our car"? |
| from dangerspouse : |
| 'Atta girl! (I just hope the rest of the deer is dead, too.) :) |
| from narcissa : |
| congratulations! I feel like that all happened really fast?! Amazing - looking forward to hearing about the adventures that come with the next step |
| from alethia : |
| I envy your ability to Get Things Done. Most days I feel like I'm drowning under Things I Should Be Doing, but can somehow never quite get done. |
| from alethia : |
| How exciting! And scary! And exciting! I was born in the interior. If I didn't love my career so much, I'd probably go live in Kaslo, or similar. I love when the mountains get really tight, and there's always rivers. |
| from alethia : |
| But...where are you going?! Still in the city, or going far away? |
| from alethia : |
| <3 |
| from alethia : |
| Hahaha. New job isn't THAT exciting. I'm a freelancer, so this job will carry me through most of the winter. It's a Christmas movie. It's the big one. If you see a Christmas movie filming around town, that'll be mine. I'll be somewhere far away in a workshop with no windows, but you could wave at the production anyway. I'll know. ;) |
| from narcissa : |
| 8-24: badass! |
| from alethia : |
| I have recently had that exact fear, while trying to empty mine at the Hope Slide rest stop. Fortunately for me I had slightly better luck. (Also, holy fuck menstrual cups?! If I had known how much better life would be with one I would have switched years ago!) |
| from dangerspouse : |
| I'm glad you remembered you could post pictures. Those were breathtaking. I'm also glad you remembered you could be happy :) |
| from scullerymaid : |
| Thanks so much for your note. I definitely plan on ordering a copy of that book! |
| from narcissa : |
| possibly weird, but i'll be in your town june 27-jul 6 if you wanted to get a coffee? Completely understand if you do not want to/cannot make it! [email protected] |
| from narcissa : |
| i really wasn't trying to bring it up, i was just going to quietly hang up... but then i remembered this horrible story about this First Nations man in Saskatchewan who died in Emergency because the staff assumed he was drunk but actually he was having a stroke. So it was more of a better safe than sorry thing and yeah, it didn't go over so well. But yeah, I hear what you're saying and i really appreciate your note. Hope all well with you in that beautiful city. xo. |
| from alethia : |
| I think I would die a slow and terrible death if I ever discovered my parents were reading this. And, uh, I suddenly feel the need to apologize for my last entry! But don't worry. I won't show you a picture of my vulva. ;) Heck, I don't think I'd even show MY best friend that, and we share EVERYTHING. |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| Ah, my heart lifts when I see you've updated! Eeek! Why are we so polite to such awful people? Why didn't you get up and walk away and show her the same level of disrespect? Rhetorical question - I wouldn't have been able to either. x |
| from jarofporter : |
| Hi! Really enjoy your writing style - hope you won't mind if I add you to my list, I'd like to read a bit more. :-) |
| from dangerspouse : |
| Ahhhhhhhhhh, no. From the way you described her, she would not think you were trying to even the score. She would think you wanted to join her. Lol - I hope the food was at least ok, despite the menu, the insincere teen waiter, and us awful Americans :) |
| from alethia : |
| Where you at? How are you? |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| When I hear YOU saying, "Why would she like me?" I can see how equally mad it is for me to think that about myself. Why shouldn't anybody like anyone? It's a terrible thing to have that question always lurking. Especially when we have a beautiful big ginger cat in our lives x |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| xxx |
| from alethia : |
| Good to see you again. I was worried you wouldn't come back. :) |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| 2/2/17 Good to hear from you - beautiful evocative writing - feel I've been there now = hope you are well x |
| from dangerspouse : |
| I hate winter too. But that was beautiful writing. |
| from alethia : |
| Thanks. You too. |
| from narcissa : |
| i'm with anna - i loved that entry too. enjoy whitehorse, i'm so jealous. i hope you get clear skies and northern lights! |
| from dangerspouse : |
| Tomato turds? Now THAT would be amazing. Lol...glad you liked my silly little tale of coprophage. It was all worth it now :) And what an entry *you* just put up! I laughed, I cried, I ate an entire bag of Cheeto's! Whew. Great stuff. But damn. Those old men are creepy. How do you attract them? |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| Nov 20 - God, I loved reading that post. xx |
| from narcissa : |
| 11/18 - you're on my mind. xox |
| from narcissa : |
| 11/14 2. Thanks so much for your message, I appreciate your congratulations and am going to try to hold on to the lightness, but it's so hard! BT came in the end and who knows what was going on in his head, but i think that ultimately he was glad he came and obvs i wonder why there has to be such drama in the first place, but at least we worked though it. |
| from narcissa : |
| 11/14 - 1. I am so sorry about your thyroid news. You're in my thoughts and hoping they get you onto the next step quickly so you get some more information, and hoping it's not serious. You are in my thoughts. |
| from dangerspouse : |
| When can you expect to get a diagnosis? God, I hope it's nothing that can't be treated quickly and easily. Keep us updated - I'll be thinking about you. All the best. |
| from narcissa : |
| yay, periods! |
| from se7enchance : |
| Congratulations on turning the corner, so to speak. Good luck with your health and self-acceptance. ♥ |
| from dangerspouse : |
| Bread pudding, coming up! :) |
| from alethia : |
| WHOOO! BLEEDING! WHOOOOOOOOO CHOCOLATE PUDDING! :D :D :D |
| from dangerspouse : |
| I never thought I'd say this to a woman (or a man, come to think of it), but...CONGRATULATIONS ON GETTING YOUR PERIOD! Now go have another snack. :) |
| from narcissa : |
| I second the recommendation for headspace. It is pretty vital for my life. |
| from zenayda : |
| Wow. Back when I had my first diary here 13 years ago, my ex-hub never read it, but for one entry after we separated, just before the divorce was final. He felt it would be a violation of boundaries to read it, and I have to say he was right. After he read that one entry, in which I described a date with someone new (he was also dating someone), I did lock up, and it was never the same after that. If you can forgive someone for that, more power to ya, because I couldn't. I consider it a dealbreaker for someone to snoop through a journal of any kind without permission. We all need a safe place, and no one has the right to invade it that way. Just thoughts from a random reader. I mean no offense. |
| from alethia : |
| I'm so sorry that happened to you. That's a huge fear of mine. No one in my life knows of this diary, and even though I don't write a lot of specific names, anyone who knows my people will know who is who. I write a lot of my inner layers. It's rough to have anyone close to me see those, much less by surprise. Hang in there. It will get better. |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| I paid the subscription a couple of years ago - I can't remember how much it was but I only did a few more as something happened to distract me. This time a counsellor recommended it and suggested doing it before I got dressed as a way of sticking to it and this has worked. I found the subscription still open and now I seem to be able to do whatever I like so I'm doing the same 10 minute basic guided one to see me through this difficult bit but honestly I am amazed at the subtle but powerful impact it's having. |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| I try not to give unsolicited advice, honest, but I do want to recommend a ten minute guided meditation as an alternative to medication for anxiety. I have been using headspace.com which is free for ten sessions and then not much and I think has made a massive difference for me. Best wishes anyway xxx |
| from alethia : |
| Where are you? How are you? It's September and how about that rain, eh. Madness. |
| from narcissa : |
| Aug 12 - gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaak. omg no words. catatonic is right. but also, yes, all the things that have to be said, right? thank you, and sending you all the same wishes. |
| from alethia : |
| I have been thinking of what to say, but I have no really good advice. Relationships are hard. The housing market in Van is hard. I wish I could give you perfect advice to solve your problems. Your relationship sounds toxic, but I also understand the struggle to stay. I hope your life settles and brings you happiness. |
| from narcissa : |
| xox sending all the good thoughts and wishes. You are an amazing person and you are going to get through this. |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| You're a bit 'killing me softly' with these posts - I want to shake you and say leave him, for fuck's sake, but Bloke makes me feel the same way and here I am, so I do know how hard it is. But I am old and unemployable. Leave though, really. There's no feeling better than putting down the weight of a bad relationship. Hugs xx |
| from dangerspouse : |
| No offense, but I believe you're beyond the point where herbs will be of any help. Please do something for yourself. This is not living. |
| from narcissa : |
| Jul 12- xox |
| from dangerspouse : |
| You're welcome. I think you should take the advice you tell me you'd tell yourself. 11 years of memories, artifacts, etc? THAT'S hard to get rid of? How about the prospect of 11 more? You seem like a very, very nice person who doesn't deserve the fate a bad decision is going to hand you. I know it's trite to the point of being ridiculous, but it's true: you only live once. Don't throw away this one go-round. All the best to you in this, really. (And btw, that was a beautiful photo. Very dramatic landscape you got to see first hand!) |
| from nineofswords : |
| I notice that when you write about Chris you talk about fascination, passion, endless great conversation, laughter, friendship, trust, thoughtfulness, and all the good feelings. When you write about Daniel it is fear, hatred, anger, hurt, disappointment, sorrow. He doesn't see your pain, he doesn't think he should do anything differently... It is pretty clear what you would do if not for the fear that holds you back. I know it is hard to let go, but there is immense happiness on the other side of this pain. Best wishes. |
| from alethia : |
| Thank you. :) And I know it. I wish she knew it, too. She's always been really obsessed about her weight, but eighteen years of nagging will really wear a person down. |
| from dangerspouse : |
| 7/2 I hope this isn't too intrusive, but has there been any resolution? Has he at least texted again? All the best, really. |
| from narcissa : |
| jun 28 - then you think, 'surely it shouldn't be this hard?' and then you think, 'but all this history/all these memories/things can be so great' and then you think 'ugh what do i do and how will i know what to do?' [or is all that just me?] |
| from narcissa : |
| oh hi - just checking in (June 23) |
| from narcissa : |
| June 18. ugh. Thanks for the thoughts, and sending them back to you. |
| from alethia : |
| Oh no. Oh my heart. |
| from narcissa : |
| june 10 - thanks, it *is* a lot. i just lay awake staring at the ceiling for 5 hours last night. But everything will be okay, right? uggggggggghhhhh. You too, sending all the good thoughts. |
| from alethia : |
| I think it's really important for women to connect in male-dominated fields. If only to compare notes and make sure the normal they're experiencing is actually normal. |
| from se7enchance : |
| Your diary is amazing. In the best way. I feel privileged to be able to read it. ♥ Well wishes~ |
| from alethia : |
| Yes. That's where I was living before I moved to London. Lots of film in Van. If I go back, that's where I'll go. I haven't decided. Adventure is good, but I'm so, so tired. |
| from alethia : |
| I know the campus you're talking about. I got hired a couple years ago to help a theatre clear out it's warehouse on that site, to make way for building. Not a judgement, just a curious thought. How many links on the chain never meet. |
| from narcissa : |
| i'm sorry. Sounds stressful. Sending good thoughts. |
| from narcissa : |
| i didn't apply. We'll see what's next but it isn't going to be new orleans. In the end, it wasn't that hard. After 10 years, I'm ready for some change. |
| from alethia : |
| The patriarchy can suck my dick. I'll do what I like. ;) |
| from alethia : |
| Oh, my heart. |
| from annanotbob2 : |
| Hiya - saw you on Narcissa's notes, added you. x |
| from alethia : |
| I feel for you. Feelings are hard. |
| from narcissa : |
| Take care of yourself. It sounds like you're being so brave, and that is not easy. |
| from narcissa : |
| s, i'm so sorry. xox |
| from alethia : |
| CLIFFHANGER!! AAAAAHHHH!!! |
| from narcissa : |
| oh, thx for your note.. sometimes i feel like a weird stalker on your page, but you so often write something that strikes such a chord for me and then I have to let you know. I keep on not being finished, so more vibrancy for me! (**Sobs**). Wishes for all good things in 2016. |
| from narcissa : |
| ugh, your improv story is my nightmare. Consolation that max people got to see your amazing dress. That always helps. |
| from narcissa : |
| always so inspired by your yoga stories! |
| from alethia : |
| Your entries make me homesick. |
| from scullerymaid : |
| Thank you so much for your kind note! |
| from dangerspouse : |
| Wow. How fragile, how tenuous it all is. Godspeed, Gord. |
| from narcissa : |
| was that too weird? i think so. |
| from narcissa : |
| did you see this? http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/12/return-of-the-rhythm-method/383545/ thought you might be interested. |
| from narcissa : |
| we read these journals for so long that it's so amazing to see when someone is so happy. |
| from narcissa : |
| dude, it's just that relationships are so hard, and then there are those moments of 'is it supposed to be *this* hard?', and that is why we have these journals. |
| from narcissa : |
| hey, you know my note below about the counseling that BT and I did together? Actually the best thing that came out of that experiment and the whole messy breakup was that I started to see someone on my own (and so did he), which helped me clarify for myself what i wanted, and my limits and boundaries...i still don't have answers, but it helps. It sounds like you have so much going on and that might help you figure it out. Again, it's $$$. But worth it, if you can find someone you respect and want to work with. |
| from dangerspouse : |
| You don't know what this means? Really? |
| from adaorardor : |
| Somehow I don't think a larger living space would help. I think listening to your own anger will. No, his need for conversation doesn't trump your need to be inside yourself. Etc. |
| from narcissa : |
| we did that last year, after we broke up for a while... it was just the most expensive thing i'd ever really done.. seriously, we could have gone on a great vacation for what we spent. But it was really, really worth it. I hope it works out for you... actually, after that, we both ended seeing counselors separately for some of what came out of that. So yes. $$$. |
| from futurewifey : |
| Re: is this something you should be listening to? I think if things allow then yes, you should. |
| from narcissa : |
| you're so brave with your dance classes. That stuff terrifies me. |
| from narcissa : |
| egh. sorry. i can't imagine. |
| from narcissa : |
| BUT I WANT TO! (thanks) |
| from narcissa : |
| egh, it makes me nervous. i hope we don't regret it. |
| from narcissa : |
| what a gift to have this time to yourself before all the upcoming changes. And to have the chance to really immerse into the world that you've created for yourself up there. Glad you're writing it all down so you have a record for later. Thanks for sharing, it's been a window into such a different life. |
| from futurewifey : |
| Hope your move goes as smooth as can be. |
| from straysparrow : |
| I should have sent you this ages ago, but life has been crazy and in complete turmoil and I'm trying not to write about it anywhere public because everything is still amicable and I don't want to feed the gossip mongers. But I didn't mean to keep it from you. If you have a Livejournal account, its all there in locked form: straysparrow. If you don't you can email me. robin dot e dot young at gmail |
| from futurewifey : |
| RE: Keeping Score. J & I have been together 11.5 years, married for 1.5 years. Let me just say that in order to make it through, you absolutely cannot keep score. It will ruin you, him and your relationship. Talking, maybe even arguing about it, will shed some light on the situation though. We've been living together 6 years, and learned in a hurry that keeping score would not work for long. I will say that since having the baby, any remainder of a score card has flown out the window. I could never have found a better partner. I stay at home with her and he works, and if I had to look at the cards, I'd honestly say they are just about even. |
| from futurewifey : |
| I am absolutely drooling over 'Drive to Alaska'! |
| from futurewifey : |
| Thinking of you, sending you positive thoughts for good results. xo |
| from futurewifey : |
| The whole situation with doctors and PAP tests and so on sounds so familiar to what happens around here. Only we have no walk in clinics, doctors arent accepting new patients, which forces people to dial 811 Healthlink or go to the local emergency department. Since people go for prescription refills, check ups, etc, the entire system is ridiculously slow. People have waited 14 hours + for a 1 minute doctor visit, and those who really need to be seen due often leave to go home and call an ambulance just to be seen quicker. It is ridiculous. |
| from narcissa : |
| biological clock, bah. (i know. i really do). your entry so resonated with me today. |
| from narcissa : |
| Bleech, is the worst. And i bet that it's dark and rainy and gloomy too... that can't be helping. Hope it all starts to sort itself out. |
| from narcissa : |
| hi, hope all okay.. locked down journals almost always a bad sign. will miss your updates, take care. |
| from futurewifey : |
| A tip that always works for me in ripening green tomatoes is placing them side by side on windowsils that are exposed to the most sunlight. |
| from futurewifey : |
| I continue to travel vicariously through your beautiful photos. I always love your photo blogs! |
| from straysparrow : |
| Change is good for the soul. And change can be a blessing in disguise.... for you or for them. It will all be ok. They will understand. |
| from futurewifey : |
| A few notes: The jam looks amazing and I am drooling at the photo. We LOVED the soaps you sent and the bath bombs were THE bomb (hehe). Also? Jealous RE: your clothes shopping as I haven't been in ages. Now that I am smaller than my pre-pregnancy self I require a closet overhaul also. But, who has the time? |
| from narcissa : |
| the entry 8-14 was truly an inspiration. You make beautiful things. |
| from futurewifey : |
| As always, beautiful pictures. And the bathroom reno? It looks fantastic! You guys did a great job!! |
| from swimmmer72 : |
| Great pics! I'm glad to hear things are looking up! Summer has a tendency to do that... :) |
| from swimmmer72 : |
| Call it "application practice". Since you're thinking about it and have some valid concerns about your future, you owe it to yourself to check out your options. You may find that no, the grass is NOT greener, OR, that maybe having an interview more clarified what you are looking for. And what you aren't. Either way, good luck - you go, girl!! :) |
| from futurewifey : |
| I'm sorry you're under so much stress. I know what it's like, I have been there myself. Keep your chin up, and don't be afraid to do what you need to do in order to make it through this time of unease and stress. We are in a similar situation at the moment with J's Honda being out of commission, also likely the altenator, so he has been using my car during the day which leaves me home alone without a vehicle. It gets incredibly lonely. |
| from futurewifey : |
| I'm glad you called your friends back. I completely understand where you're coming from, had I been in your shoes and J was away on business I'm almost positive I wouldn't have called them back...and I can't even say why. Call me socially awkward. Your friends sounds lovely! |
| from swimmmer72 : |
| Thanks for the note. I downgraded from super gold to gold and maybe that disengaged comments - I'm not sure. Otherwise, we are in a very spring-like week - 60's and 70's, sunshine so far, and life is very very good, if somewhat hectic. Please bear with me on the story. I know it is going slow, but I'm putting more effort into getting the fifteen chapters (already mostly written) into shape and posted. AND, I like the ending! I just need to write another 8-10 chapters to get to it. I think I'll finish it this time since I'm so close. Hope you're doing well on your side of the continent! XO :) |
| from futurewifey : |
| Enjoy your holidays, and time with D. Relax, unwind, and if you need a change perhaps considering the 'package' from the competitor might be what you're looking for! |
| from swimmmer72 : |
| re:disenchantment. Sometimes, you just have to vent! I hope your company's competitor offers you a very nice incentive to get to where you want to be! :) |
| from futurewifey : |
| I love that you make soap! How much do you sell for? I would LOVE to buy some! |
| from swimmmer72 : |
| Great pics, Shannon!! It is always interesting to me to see what other locations actually look like. Also, I had been sitting here in Erie bemoaning our crappy spring weather, but snow-wise, well, I'll just say that you have lots more than we do. I hope spring hurries your way! XO |
| from swimmmer72 : |
| The answer- you're going to wish you had a kayak! :) |
| from swimmmer72 : |
| Very creative!! Nice pictures of the evolution of a project!! :) |
| from swimmmer72 : |
| re: tree quilt. I like it. ALOT! password sent via dland - let me know if you don't get it. I wasn't able to make it work at first. :) |
| from narcissa : |
| that friend stuff... brutal. sorry. |
| from swimmmer72 : |
| Well.... "sigh". I don't know what exactly to tell you but I guess it goes something like this: I'm sorry you're stuck in this city so far away from, well, everything in terms of any real bonding possibilities, but you have Daniel and you know he has your back. I wish it were better than that, but sometimes, that's as good as it gets. And now you know, but it won't be forever, and at least you have Daniel because it could definitely be worse and yeah, eventually, you'll be in a different place where you're happy and have the love and trust that you need. AND, I hope that happens real soon. XO |
| from swimmmer72 : |
| Nice pictures, as always! I especially like the sunny one with the skis in the snow. Video's pretty cute, too!! :) |
| from swimmmer72 : |
| Well.... good for dreams then! :) |
| from swimmmer72 : |
| re: north. Beautiful entry, very poignant. It is a nice perspective when, as an outsider, you recognize something special about the place. :) |
| from swimmmer72 : |
| re: small moments. Beautiful entry! I love that you see and appreciate the little things and seem to be able to keep it all in perspective! :) |
| from swimmmer72 : |
| re: alone in the city. It sounds like you are running into some interesting dynamics and you're not sure of where to go with them. I think we all go through that, and from my own experiences, it isn't necessarily just a 20's thing. Also, if you ever come east and would like a tour of New York's Finger Lake area or anyplace else, I'd be happy to take you to Lucifer Falls and anyplace else you might like to go. By the same token, if I ever make it to BC, you'll be the person I call for exploring advice! BTW, if life seems especially chaotic now, that part usually does pass and things will settle down. I hope you are happy! :) |
| from swimmmer72 : |
| "meant to be lived, not documented." Excellent point!! I like that!! :) |
| from swimmmer72 : |
| re: August in the Rockies. Beautiful, stunning pictures!! |
| from swimmmer72 : |
| Beautiful pictures!! The time thing - it doesn't ever really improve, based on my own time struggles. I think you just learn to deal with it! :) |
| from swimmmer72 : |
| re: That's a tough call - fireworks versus stability. I've always been the fireworks guy, I guess and I have the lack of anything long lasting to show for it. Things change and people mature - I think things would be different were I to try again, although it wasn't that I was the fireworks - it was more that that just happened to be the type of relationship I always drifted into. You're right - there are pros and cons and it boils down to fundamental questions you probably need to think about. Good luck, it's a tough call and your happiness is at stake. |
| from swimmmer72 : |
| Great pictures!! Thanks for sharing! :) |
| from swimmmer72 : |
| Nice looking house and neighborhood!! AND, despite being a couple hundred miles further north than I am, our yards look pretty similar... You look happy! :) |
| from swimmmer72 : |
| Congratulations!! Yes, a commitment, but if you like Prince George, why not? :) |
| from straysparrow : |
| When my friends moved to Lethbridge for 2 years, they saw it as their opportunity to get into the housing market without having to pay the ridiculous Vancouver prices. Now they're back and they can afford to keep the house and rent it out, generating a little bit of income for themselves as they go. But house hunting is stressful. there's no doubt about it. You look at a place for 5 minutes to decide if you're going to spend a couple hundred thousand dollars on it. Such a strange thing. |
| from swimmmer72 : |
| Interesting look at what was, what is, and what could be. Yeah, I can relate. You sound happy with what is and that's a real good sign that you're doing something right! :) |
| from swimmmer72 : |
| That's a very romantic story and the fact that your integrity is still intact makes it all the better. Best wishes to you and it seems like the new year is already full of promise... :) |
| from swimmmer72 : |
| There's something about being outside at night in the winter. I don't ski, but of course, I'm always traipsing around and I love how the lights (or the moon) shine off the snow covered ground and give everything a fresh perspective. It sounds like you had fun! :) |
| from swimmmer72 : |
| Too bad - it's an interesting pic! :) |
| from swimmmer72 : |
| "Autumn"??? Yes, I know we are one cold front away from the same thing... :) |
| from swimmmer72 : |
| Thank you for that info on Prince George. I've looked at it on a map, and it isn't that it's small (actually, I like Erie's size, so I'm not dissing small cities), but it's definitely in a world of its own, i.e., no where near anything of size. What amazes me is the number of small towns all along the roads spidering off in all directions and I wonder what life is like in these remote little communities. Do they all commute to Prince George or are they self-sufficient in their own right? Winter must last 7-8 months a year, with much of it being brutally cold. Erie is a summer paradise by comparison! I give you credit - while I'd love to explore there (in the summer), I can't imagine living there, as beautiful as it undoubtably is. :) |
| from swimmmer72 : |
| Silly me!! And I thought PRINCE GEORGE was a little town on the edge of nowhere..... Well, if you can handle the desolation and the emptiness of it all, yeah, I would say you are in one of the most beautiful, unspoiled areas of the world! I hope you take LOTS of pictures! :) |
| from swimmmer72 : |
| YAY!! Good for you!! :) |
| from swimmmer72 : |
| Stunningly beautiful picture! I am SO looking forward to spending 2 or 3 months out there, exploring to my hearts content! :) |
| from swimmmer72 : |
| Wow! I'm looking forward to my future when I get to take my sweet time exploring the Canadian Rockies and seeing the things you are seeing. You're taking pictures, right? :) |
| from straysparrow : |
| Good luck on your new adventure. I've heard good things about PG, even though its not on an island. Sometimes starting fresh is the thing you didn't know you needed. |
| from swimmmer72 : |
| Beautiful pictures! You're very pretty as well. You may wonder why you're leaving. Maybe that means eventually, you'll be back! :) |
| from swimmmer72 : |
| re: I've thought of that and know it's a possibility. I don't know the whys and thinking of them will only make me crazy, but if that's the reason, I may be able to reassure her that I am exactly as presented, and if she's still interested, so am I. We'll see. :) |
| from swimmmer72 : |
| Sometimes, chemistry is just too powerful to ignore... :) |
| from swimmmer72 : |
| Beautiful!! I love to see your pictures! :) |
| from straysparrow : |
| We have this problem as well, only reversed. I made it through school by a-parental support, and b- going into debt. Boy did it by taking 15 years to finish because he did one course at a time so he could work full time while he did it. His salary is between 2 and 3 times mine, and I have debt equal to his annual salary (almost). I would be lying if I said that it hasn't cause tension, but to be honest its mostly on my part, because I feel guilty about the fact that I can't possibly keep up with him, and I get upset when I'm skipping meals to make ends meet and he's buying unnecessary gear. We talk about it, though, and we negotiate reasonable things that we can both handle mentally and financially. He pays more rent, as he earns more, and so I don't have to ask for money for things he might be judgemental on. On the other hand I changed my life plan so we could stay together, thus crimping some of my future earning potential. Not everything is quantifiable. And not all the payback is foreseen. Talking openly about how you are going to handle the situation before it becomes a problem helps manage it, in my experience. |
| from swimmmer72 : |
| re: mutual money. I think that's one of the problems with today's relationships. Even the good ones have a sort of lack of permanence that really makes the "share and share alike" thing kind of tenuous. It's hard to have enough faith in "through sickness and health" etc to go into it without at least keeping an eye on what is "actually yours". I don't know the answers - exes and I always had at least a little bit of money issues. You have reasons to think about it, but I hope it all works out in the end. :) |
| from straysparrow : |
| I can't wait for my thesis to be over, so that I can go camping again. |
| from swimmmer72 : |
| Also, your part of the world is very beautiful and I'm glad you share your pictures. I don't think you can do that on Twitter! :) |
| from swimmmer72 : |
| Thanks for the comment! I appreciate the sentiment - D-land will always be where I write and it is also a very good fit for you and your thoughtful updates and stories. BTW, are you saying I'm NOT TRENDY!!!??? :) |
| from straysparrow : |
| I'm sorry, too. |
| from swimmmer72 : |
| I'm sorry for your loss, yet happy he left you such nice memories. |
| from swimmmer72 : |
| I think that makes perfect sense, re: how you are with your boyfriend vs classmates. You SHOULD be open to be yourself around those that know you best. Classmates? Does it really matter what they think? :) |
| from straysparrow : |
| Its a pretty pencil case though. |
| from swimmmer72 : |
| I know the feeling. I used to make wood clocks. About $4 of materials not counting the wood, which was usually of an exotic variety, and at least 4 hours of work. To sell it and make it worth my while I'd have to charge more than anyone would pay so I usually just ended up giving them away. Family members and ex-girlfriends have most of them, which somehow works for me. It's a very nice purse/utility bag, BTW! :) |
| from swimmmer72 : |
| I love your pictures of a part of the country I love to travel to. I've done similar road trips 3 times in the last 10 years and feel the same way about some of the more crowded areas. Never done it in the winter, but that will change eventually if only because I REALLY want to get some snow pics of Grand Canyon, Bryce, and a few of the other national Parks. I'm glad you had a safe trip. :) |
| from swimmmer72 : |
| Beautiful pictures! I LOVE forest pictures - your area is so different than ours, especially this time of the year! :) |
| from swimmmer72 : |
| You are one of 5 BC'ers on my buddy list and between the bunch of you, you are really giving me an education on what BC is all about. At the very least, where everything is! For a guy from the eastern US (despite my travels) it's a whole different world! Anyway, I hope things work out for you. :) |
| from straysparrow : |
| A documentary I saw on Babcock was part of the inspiration for that post. I'm glad you caught that! |
| from swimmmer72 : |
| I'm happy too. Thanks for asking! :) |
| from swimmmer72 : |
| re: deteriorate. I can definitely relate. My situation isn't really close to being the same, but it has some of the same elements. It has always made me wonder when relatively small things are allowed to accumulate because one side chooses to ignore what the other side is trying to tell them. And what happens as a result. Differences in values are huge. I hope you can work it out. |
| from lobo21 : |
| I love your photos and your writing. It's tough going in all your borderline ethical jobs. Good luck in your search for the perfect job!! It's nice to run across someone else from Vic. |
| from swimmmer72 : |
| Thanks for adding me as a fav! That led me back to your site and your beautiful pictures! Very, very nice! I'll be adding you to my buddy list as well! :) |
| from quietsecrets : |
| I've started this somewhat public diary, and I thought your posts might add something to it. Come take a look at it, if you want, and if you'd rather not be a member, I understand. You're already approved if you do decide to post. |
| from emaciana : |
| i just read your previous entries about the pregnancy, miscarriage, etc. Sounds like you are doing okay with everything and I'm glad for you. Also, being balanced is difficult. It sounds easy but really it's not. Good luck. |
| from straysparrow : |
| I love snowdrops. |
| from straysparrow : |
| I'm sorry |
| from f-i-n : |
| ((hugs)) |
| from f-i-n : |
| The peacock puzzle is amazing |
| from getodweller : |
| I'd say those are more Sepia toned than B&W :) |
| from f-i-n : |
| :) |
| from pterals : |
| Your photos are really something. You seem to capture so well both the image and the moment - sometimes you can even see or feel an emotion. It's quite striking. |
| from f-i-n : |
| the "go" entry was lovely...like words to a song. |
| from straysparrow : |
| mmm... climbing is goood. |
| from f-i-n : |
| I had fun reading this... |
| from schmutzie : |
| I came here through Pterals, and I like what I read. I'll be back! |
| from whiskeybabe : |
| Hey go to my diary plz! its netto cheeto! |
| from stealinghope : |
| Hey there! I'll not be creepy too... Thanks for adding me. I checked out a few of your entries and you write beautifully... I couldn't resist not returning the favor! And yes... Shannon's DO RULE! |
| from straysparrow : |
| heh. I'm glad the mail truck didn't send me to the hospital too... though I was 5 blocks from VGH at the time. Sparrow. |
| from shri : |
| Just wanted to tell you, that I love your diary. Your writings are beautiful. :) |
| from ceck : |
| cool diary. the mice pics are cute! found your site on the vancouver diaryring :) christine |
| from straysparrow : |
| Thanks for adding me. Sparrow. |
| from straysparrow : |
| I was at Bar None last night as well... good music. Sparrow. |
| from crash-chaos : |
| love the new layout! |
| from kill-soma : |
| near lord byng? because that's the school i go to. |
| from kill-soma : |
| cool! i live near UBC. i live on the native reserve on 41st and salish. im notnative though..i just live on the lease hold land. |
| from kill-soma : |
| soooo from vancouver eh? where in vancity? i am too :) |
| from wood-elf : |
| Hey, I added you to my fave list, keep up the good work, it's soothing to read your diary, and I can sometimes relate to some things going on in your life :-) |
| from sheherazade : |
| thanks for that chem site link! i'm definitely going to make use of it :-) |
| from argyle-socks : |
| Ok, I don't want to start posting recipes because either a) it would seem kind of preachy, or b) people would keep wanting them and I would have to start some culinary page..hrmm...anyway, here is the recipe just for you, it is really really simple, so don't be impressed. Fill a medium sized frying pan 3/4 full of good (not from concentrate) orange juice. Cut up two green onions, two cloves garlic and a large fennel bulb and put the juice, bring to a boil. Keep boiling until it is reduced by half (actually, a little more than half), remember to stir almost all the time. When it is reduced, add some thick cream (about 1/4 cup or so, you can decide, just make sure it still tastes very orangey), and stir while it simmers. Simmer until thick, serve over seafood. I recommend filet of soul cooked with lemon and dill, or scallops cooked right in the sauce (my favorite way). Serve rice pilaf or grilled marinated zuccinni on the side. Go with a sweet fruity white wine, and watch as the people flock to you. See you! |
| from sheherazade : |
| ah, how freaky! i deleted them, all right. shh! you heard nothing from me, right? ;-P i get paranoid easily about people i know/write about finding this place (as it's happened once before), but... yes. heh. |
| from sheherazade : |
| ....yes. uh, dland's feeling too close for comfort now. hehe, you didn't go to carson, did you? i've been meaning to ask. |
| from sheherazade : |
| i usually say "you got your haircut!" and if it looks good, then, "it looks good!" haha. but don't you feel kinda redundant, if you just tell them they got their haircut, and not comment on it? i feel like they're thinking, "really? i didn't notice that." but then again, if it's a bad cut, i'm not going to pretend i like it. i just say something about how it's good for the current climate or something. ;-) |
| from argyle-socks : |
| Now, I normally hate d.land poetry with a hate unparalleled by any hate this world knows, but that poem was truly something else. It was captivating, thanks for posting it. |
| from sheherazade : |
| ah! i drool at your encounter with "Massive Crush." haha, he sounds hot! ;-) |
| from angel-stars : |
| I just walked through Pacific Spirit a couple days ago with my Biology class. Beautiful poem... |
| from argyle-socks : |
| "This rule, however, must quickly be followed by the Argyle Proviso, which exempts that particular pattern of interlocking diamonds from the ban." Damn strait argyle it a great, great pattern, manly and demure all at the same time. Thanks, funny article that, once again proving the Post is just an odd newspaper. I wish I could go jog in the woods, in Montreal we have a) no woods, and b) snow. Anyway, thanks for thinking of me! |
| from argyle-socks : |
| No kidding, the three day rule applies to e-mails, but ICQ, since you do have it on all day in theory...tough one, I say wait two, just cause. Can I include you in my "Diaries I Dig" section? Please don't wait three days to get back though, I promise I won't ICQ. |
| from janene : |
| Hey, thanks for the friendly note. I've stopped by your diary a few times and have really enjoyed your writing. Have a great nite! |
| from sheherazade : |
| hey hey... i was at plaza saturday night too! ;-) but not for very long, probably the 1-2 am slot. heh. too many nasties! |
| from angel-stars : |
| I love those 99 cent pizza joints. |
| from sheherazade : |
| oh, i got me a rat! we were actually quite good dissectors! (if that's the right term...) finished about an hour and half early, and did a very clean job with the slices! the only downside was the rancid smell, when separating the insides of the abdominal cavity from the wall. that was lovely. :-P but it was interesting... the cats were done by two groups, and reeked, and were humongous, and terribly messy. i could never have done it. egh! |
| from greenalive : |
| Thanks for the explanation. Did I say one drink maximum? Maybe not... Are these things usually pretty safe at UBC? Have you ever heard anything...? |
| from sheherazade : |
| high school memories can sour up people so easily. hehe. re: the nerd getting the biotech job, and the model working at mariposa- that's how it should be! ;-) mosquito creek, and cap, and west van... all that rings so close to home, it's weird to see someone else writing about it on here! |
| from papervandal : |
| wow, its dark. its brewing. but it calls out to my deepest emotions. you spoke to me today |
| from angel-stars : |
| That's really fucking scary, the whole "Too Close" thing. We were separated at birth? I am most likely going to UBC next fall, so I'll have some lovely anecdotes to share. We can compare stories. Good times. |
| from sheherazade : |
|
hmm... i know what you mean. mood dictates everything sometimes! if i'm feeling disgusting, everything is disgusting. but cheerful days are always fun. i always find myself walking around campus grinning like a fool when that happens. are you in coop?? are you a biochem student? is it that much harder to juggle the courses and work, though? i'm still thinking about whether i should apply, as my grades aren't that fabulous right now. i wouldn't mind adding another year to my studies, actually, as long as i'm getting some good experience out of it. it sounds good! |
| from sheherazade : |
|
hmm.... what preconceptions do you have about the generic ubc student? (besides being boring...) i find that i never say hi to people i don't know. rarely, anyway. if they smile, then i smile back. :-) your entries are so poetic sometimes... beautiful! i enjoy spying on fellow vancouverites too. (specially ubc students!) hehe. |
| from faithnomore : |
| hey, I noticed you added me to your list of favorites =) I wanted to say thanks, that's really nice of you. I like your diary, it's pretty. Keep it up! *hug* |
| from angel-stars : |
| Oops, forgot to add one thing - you should join my Vancouver diaryring :) I think it should be in the directory...if not, check my profile to get to it. |
| from angel-stars : |
| Hey, I noticed you added me to your favourites list. Your diary is amazing, I love your writing style. Please keep writing. We even live in the same city :) Your words are really touching. |
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